#to depict a teenager's suicide attempt in a book FOR TEENAGERS

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

oh hey, forgot about nine celebrating that five wanted to die, tried to kill himself in front of him, and almost succeeded 🙃🙃🙃🙃

[kismetconstellations]

I've sat on this for a while, and while I know others have illustrated this point, before me, I still think there's something to be said about the complete negligence and irresponsibility of- unintentionally or otherwise- sending the message that trauma survivors don't deserve the opportunity to heal and recover from their grief, guilt, and pain, but, in fact, die as martyrs for their cause.

In a show aimed at children.

We see it first with Shiro, who is afflicted with a laundry list of trauma extensive enough to irreversibly break a person's brain. A terminal degenerative illness. His long-term partner ending their relationship on bad terms after issuing Shiro the classic "it's me or your dream" ultimatum. Being abducted and imprisoned by hostile aliens on what was meant to be a routine mission fulfilling that dream. Losing his crew. Being tortured, experimented on, and having to fight for his captors' entertainment. Forced amputation. Implied sexual violation at the hands of his personal tormentor. Multiple no-holds-barred beatdowns. Strangulation. Head trauma resulting in amnesia. And, overall repeated disregard for his bodily autonomy.

Rather than attempting to address any of this, and the noticeable effects it has on his psyche- none-too-subtle hints that he's passively suicidal and resigned to dying in his twenties, recurrent insomnia that the show glosses over, PTSD that is only given lip service via surface level depictions in two episodes- or show Shiro learning to seek support from his found family, since his biological family is nowhere to be seen, the writers opted to have him killed in the line of duty only two seasons in.

We see it, again, with Lotor, a victim of abuse at the hands of his own parents. The tragic trajectory of his story has, I'm sure, been covered in detail by passionate fans who have done him greater justice than I ever could. But, suffice it to say, as one can surmise from the incompetent handling of Shiro, Lotor, too, suffers a grisly offscreen end, ultimately dying for the cause he champions.

Then, most infamously and inexcusably, the pattern persists with Allura. A teenaged girl who awakens from ten thousand years of cryo-sleep with the memory of her father putting her under to save her as he prepares to face his imminent death in battle, and to find that she and the man who is like a second father to her are the only survivors of a genocide. She has it deeply ingrained in her that sacrificing herself for the sake of her people is a necessary part of her duty as Princess, and does so time and time again, even against others' wishes for her to prioritize herself. She is nearly driven to commit suicide by the corrupted A.I. of her beloved father. Blames herself when her trust is exploited. Holds herself responsible when her alchemic skills are not enough to stabilize the lifeforce of a dear friend, even after successfully transferring his essence into a dying cloned body. And, rather than allowing her the time to come to terms with any of this, she is forced to continue to selflessly give everything she has to winning an intergalactic war. Which, unforgivably, includes willingly killing herself to atone for an evil monster's sins, just so that evil monster can get exactly what she wants.

There's no rule against featuring dark, mature themes in children's media. Certain episodes of a series or chapters of a book having a bad ending where the heroes lose the battle, and a beloved friend/comrade is felled, temporarily putting a damper on our heroes' morale before ultimately strengthening their resolve to put an end to their foe once and for all are necessary peaks and valleys in a hero's journey, and crucial for a story with a three act structure. But, even in some of the darkest, most mature stories aimed at children, there's always a ray of hope on the horizon for the weary souls audiences have watched struggle to overcome seemingly insurmountable odds over and over again. There's always the silver lining that, after all of the pain and suffering they have endured, they'll be able to come home and enjoy the peace and happiness they've fought so hard to attain.

Whatever the reason, this is not the case with Voltron: Legendary Defender, where showrunners saw fit to unceremoniously and brutally kill all three of their characters who have, I would say inarguably, suffered the most from the edginess they saturated this series in for the sheer spectacle of it. And, most definitely indisputably, two of these characters were passively suicidal from the outset, giving their deaths an added layer of wrongness, and sending an utterly deplorable message to the audience that the suicidal should be allowed to kill themselves as long as it's for the "greater good".

Anyone who argues that any of these deaths were "necessary", or "justified", particularly in the crude, insensitive, and cruel manner they were executed, should probably undergo some sensitivity training before interacting with trauma survivors, and also never be put in charge of a series where the target demographic is children seven and older.

[thathalloweengal]

Her Blood Yearned for Jennifer's Body

To celebrate Halloween, I've written a fan fiction sequel to one of my favorite movies of all time, Jennifer's Body and I'd love the fandom to read it and give it some love, but before I add it, I have to include some content warnings because... Well I'd feel wrong if I didn't

Content warnings: Self harm, graphic depictions of gore, graphic depictions of violence, Suicide attempt, mentions of suicide and suicidal thoughts and feelings, violence against a pregnant person, toxic behaviour, Smoking, Vaping, Unhealthy coping mechinisms.

Anita Lesnicki hated the trees. Don't get her wrong, she loathed the long, unmown grass and the gravestones too, but she really, really hated the trees. A midnight stroll through a cemetery wouldn't be most folks idea of a good time, well not unless you were a goth, she cast a glance in the direction of her old friend Colin Gray's final resting place, before quickly snapping back away. Anita had returned to Devil's Kettle after a decade of running, and she didn't have moonlight to burn.

 The waning moon above was essential for the ritual but so too were the skulls carried safely in her duffle bag. Two fools who actually believed that they could run from the Beast. Both used his terrible power for their own ends, but like all the others, forgot to check the small print on their ritual sacrifice and ended up on the Devil's shit list, and ultimately as Anita's offering to him.

The past ten years had not been kind to Anita, she felt broken in every sense of the word, but of course being constantly hunted by Feds would do that to you. They believed that she was a serial killer, and hell they were right, well sort of. She did murder the two scumbags in her literal bag, and the entirety of the indie rock band Low Shoulder, but nobody gave a shit about them anymore, not since their pact with Satan ended. No, the Feds hunted her for brutally murdering five teenagers that attended her High School, including her boyfriend Chip and her best friend, Jennifer.

It was true that Anita killed Jennifer, but she had to. Low Shoulder had inadvertently fused her soul with something evil, something primal, something that only cared about sating the emptiness inside it. Heh, maybe that's why Jennifer and the demon worked so well together, but no, Jen killed Chip and the others. Anita had no choice but to end her life, she had to stop the bloodshed. Shame that she was caught in the act by Jennifer's mom.

During the last decade while Anita was busy trying to find a warm meal and a job that wouldn't alert the authorities, Jennifer's mother Erica had packed up and left Devil's Kettle in an effort to outrun her heartache and move forward. Anita always tried to keep tabs on her, especially as she, herself began to learn more about the occult, magic, and demons. Blood was a very powerful thing indeed, and a mother could, in theory at least hold the most important key to her daughter's return. Still, Anita lacked the raw power and knowledge to exploit such a connection back then.

The nightmares didn't help but they did make her more desperate. Every night, Anita would dream that she was confined to the inside of a wooden box and trapped under six feet of soil, just like Jennifer was. She'd try to scream but all that would come out of her mouth was spiky, putrid gore that would end up boiling through her skin and seeping back into her internal organs again.

Anita yearned for her best friend back, not the demon that took her away but the absolute bitchy hoe bag that made Anita feel alive. At the end of it all, the worst part of the last ten years wasn't the cold, or the hunger, or even the time she stole a book from a blood sorcerer, who then tried to sacrifice her to his ancient blood god. The worst part was not having Jen there with her, giving her shit and making her laugh, like she had throughout their entire lives. Anita didn't even try to hide the emptiness anymore, she acknowledged her loss with the same sorrow that she usually reserved for Chip.

So when Anita heard that Erica was exhuming Jennifer's coffin to have it brought out to the West Coast and be closer to her and her new baby son, Anita knew the timing was as good as it would ever be. She hauled ass back to Devil's Kettle, picked up her sacrifices on the way, and even finished reading the blood sorcery book for the fourth time. Anita knew she had to get this right. Anita knew she had to make this right.

The grave was exposed now, its former soil and dirt now ruining the resting places of others. Well, that was very Jennifer.

A sleep deprived young cemetery worker sucked on a vape pen as he leaned comfortably on Jennifer's casket.

"Can I help you, Miss?" he asked curtly, before adding "We closed up hours ago"

There was no point in lying at this stage so Anita simply pointed at the coffin.

"She was my friend... I just wanted to see her one more time"

Probably realizing how disrespectful he was being, the cemetery worker removed his ass from the lid of the box and cast his eyes down in shame.

"I... can't leave her until my supervisor gets here... but you could take a moment, if you like" 

Anita nodded gratefully before moving closer, she glanced down at the vape pen dangling from a chain on the man's neck. Was that? It couldn't be...

"Is that the blueberry muffin Toast'em Vape?"

"Uh yeah, you wanna hit?"

He held out the vape pen for Anita. She approached him slowly, she was going to enjoy this. At the last second though, he yanked it away from her with a dirtbag smile on his lips.

"You'll have to pay the titty tax first though"

Of course. Of fucking course she couldn't just have something nice with no bullshit.

Anita lunged at the man, taking him completely off guard, he fell over like a sack of potatoes, and she immediately struck his head hard against a nearby gravestone. Maybe he would live, maybe, but it would be a long time before his titty tax would be reinstated. Anita snapped the chain from the man's neck and took the longest drag from the vape. Ah Toast'ems, her childhood rolled back behind her eyes and took her brain on a journey to happier times.

Sandbox love. That's how her and Jen started. Sandbox love never dies. Neither do Toast'ems. Needy... Anita remembered sharing her Toast'ems with Jennifer when Erica forgot to pack little Jen a snack for school. Jennifer was so polite back then, so small and sad. She could easily twist Anita around her little finger from day one.

Enough stalling, Anita shoved the vape pen into her jeans for later, and then focused on the task at hand. Using what would probably be the last of her unnatural strength, she tore the lid off of Jennifer's coffin.

Anita retched at what remained of Jennifer Check. She, of course knew that bodies decomposed but it seemed that, this time she wasn't as prepared to smell it... To see the girl she knew from the sandbox, to see her broken skeleton, her rotted flesh, and the congealed fat that she was lying in. It all just made her feel sick. Anita had put Jennifer in that box, she had to, had to puncture her heart, destroying the demon inside, but she still murdered her best friend, and she couldn't forgive herself for that.

There would be time to hate herself later, there always was. For now, Anita opened her duffle bag and removed the freshly flayed skulls, placing them gently beside Jennifer. She then lifted out her stolen blood sorcery book and opened it to the relevant chapter, the page entitled 'For when the Dead walk the Earth'

With a waned moon watching her from afar, Anita produced her shitty little ripoff Swiss Army Knife, she opened the blade and pledged allegiance to the Lord of Hell.

"Samael, thee who art of the Morningstar, cast out by the False God... Ye who giveth power to the powerless in exchange for a mere boon... I bring you offerings, the earthly remains of two mortals who broke your terms and spread the most heinous lies, boasting that they had bested you"

Ugh, Lucifer must've been such a little fuck boy, needing constant boot licking to settle his tiny dick disorder.

"I beg of you, my Lord!" Anita cried "As my reward, let the soul of Jennifer Check return to her body, and let that body return to me!"

Anita mumbled another additional enchantment before finally slicing through her own wrist. Her blood poured out from the fountain that was now her veins, splattering Jennifer's decomposing corpse. What was left of Jen's skin drank it up like an old lady drinking cold orange juice on a hot day, but Jennifer didn't move. She was supposed to move and make noises, the rite had stated that pretty clearly.

This was the only shot Anita had at this, so either Jen was going to come to her, or she was going to go to Jen. She opened up her other wrist and let the dead body bathe in even more blood.

Was it just Anita or was the skeleton growing new flesh?

Everything felt like it was slipping away from her. Anita was so tired, she needed... needed... needed... 

The world swallowed her whole, the moon stood in judgment of her sins, the wind bit at her face, and the trees, well they just pointed and laughed at her desperation. Fuck, Anita really hated the trees.

"Jennifer" she whimpered before finally letting everything fade away and accepting her sleep.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

"It's not that big of a deal, Needy"

"It's a huge deal, Jen, you want me to..." Needy conspiratorially lowered her voice "Take your virginity"

Jennifer gently took Needy's hand and looked down at her with those beautiful, soothing blue eyes.

"I'd rather my first time be with someone I actually give a shit about, instead of Roman, or Jonas, or Craig, or any of those other itchy dicked, ass pickers"

Needy couldn't help but giggle, she was so afraid but Jen always knew what to say to make her laugh. The truth was that she actually wanted to be Jennifer's first, but was terrified of what that meant, of what it would do to their friendship. Would Jennifer even like her afterward? But on the other hand, what if she liked her too much? What if they became gay? Needy's mom would go completely ape crap crazy if that happened.

All of her anxiety faded away instantly with a surprise kiss from Jennifer, Needy couldn't stop her own lips from responding in kind. It just felt so right. She always loved kissing Jen when they were practicing and playing girlfriend boyfriend. The taller girl always made her feel like a Princess from one of those old Disney movies, and for just a few minutes, Needy felt like she was the most important person in the world.

This felt completely different though. Jennifer was intense, almost aching with hunger. Deep lustful hunger, all just for Needy.

Needy's arms eased around Jen's waist, she pulled Jen closer to her, so close that Needy could feel her best friend's heartbeat racing against her own.

Oh, her mother and God could both go screw each other. Jennifer's Body was the only religion that Needy wanted.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Coming to, weak as shit, in the tall grass and dirt. Anita felt like a fucking idiot. Blood Sorcery, really? She actually tried to use Blood Sorcery to resurrect her bully best friend/ first time. What a fucking cliche.

Well if it was going to work, she would've known about it by now. At least her mom and the rest of the Sisters of Saint Rose could sleep easy tonight. Shame Anita wouldn't. She lifted herself unsteadily to her feet, bandaging up her wrists with some old cotton gauze from her bag.

Well, with resurrection out of the question, Anita supposed that the only thing left to her was closure. She forced herself to look at the open coffin, at her dead best friend, and accept that there was no miracle fix to their tragedy.

Jennifer's remains were gone from the casket.

"Oh fuck" were the only words Anita could rationally think before descending into blind panic.

From behind, Anita heard a guttural, animal-like roar, right before something barrelled into her, knocking her into the exposed grave.

Looking up in pure fear, she saw Jennifer's decayed corpse staring back at her in furious lucidity, her jaw had become dislodged and her eyes were gooey pink blobs, trying so hard to heal, but Anita could sense that they could already see her.

Jennifer leapt into the grave, falling directly on top of Anita, and started to paw at the still living girl's face.

"Jen?" Anita tried

Surprisingly, Jennifer actually cradled Anita in her arms and stroked at her face with the back of one boney hand. It was bizarre and macabre, and the smell of death did nothing to reassure Anita but at the same time, this was Jen, back with her, so Anita held her right back.

"It's me, Jen, it's okay, it's me" Anita sighed, contentedly

Jen tried to talk but all that would come out was painful sounding, gruesome, raw throat noises, like her larynx had been mauled by a Wolf.

"It's Needy, don't worry" Anita softly reassured her

"Neeeeedeeeee?" The dead woman's voice scraped out like fingernails on a chalkboard

"Yeah" Anita smiled, she had Jen again, admittedly she was more than a little fucked up, but hey that could be said for the both of them. The important thing was that Jennifer was alive again, er, undead again

Jen raised one skeletal finger to Anita's lips. Anita shivered as it slipped inside her mouth.

Jennifer, much too quickly for Anita's taste, took her finger back, raised that hand far behind her own head, and before Anita could even put two and two together, made a fist.

The first punch felt like being hit with a slab of concrete, powerful and uncaring. The second, she could feel bits of Jennifer's skin start to grow back around the knuckles, only to come off again upon impact. The third, hit her in the throat and she started to choke. Jen didn't care, maybe Jen never cared, maybe Anita was right all those years ago, and her longing for a nostalgic fantasy would end in Jennifer's grave... Their grave.

"You! Stupid! Fucking! Cunt!" Jennifer's voice was coming back to her as she continued to beat the living hell out of Anita

"You! Killed! Me! Dead!"

Anita was starting to lose consciousness again, she had lost so much blood already, now it was impossible for her to breathe. She wasn't surprised that she was going to die, she was actually kind of looking forward to it, after so many shitty ass years on the road. She knew it was time to rest. Maybe Jennifer could forgive her if Anita took her place in death.

Darkness briefly took over before Anita felt herself being propelled upward and hitting the grass, hard.

"One! Two! Three! Four! Staying alive! Staying alive!" Jennifer screamed, while giving Anita chest compressions

Mister Wroblewski, their old biology teacher, taught them that one for resuscitation. Anita didn't think Jen ever paid attention in that class, well in any classes. Anita felt Jennifer's decomposed lips touch hers, breathing foul, stale air into her lungs and clearing them.

Anita coughed so hard that she felt something twist inside her and she hurled blood and coffee all over the disturbed ground. She wouldn't last much longer without a transfusion, but she was still alive for now. Anita looked up, bleary-eyed at her ironic savior.

Jennifer Check was slumped next to her own coffin. She was still mostly skeleton but Anita could see flesh knitting back together and internal organs fighting to work underneath.

Jen found her jaw and painfully reattached it to the rest of her face. She still looked like hell.

"First you betray me, stab me, kill me... Now you bring me back like this" Jennifer raised her skeletal hand as an example of her current state of post life "You must've really fucking hated me"

"Oh screw you, Jen" Anita croaked out "I had to kill you to destroy your demon... I brought you back... Because... Because I give a shit about you"

"Oh, really?" Jen scoffed "Because to the best of my motherfucking knowledge, you left me in the ground for years!"

Dread rushed through Anita's mind. Had Jennifer been conscious all this time? All ten years of her death?

"Yeah! I could feel everything!" Jennifer answered the question that Anita hadn't asked "I felt my body rot away, my tits and ass leaking out, and I couldn't even fucking scream!"

"Jen... I'm sorry"

"Save it!" Jen yelled, before limping away

"Please..." Anita moaned, struggling to get to her feet again, before faceplanting once more, back into the dirt. She didn't have the energy to run after Jennifer.

At the very least, her old friend didn't have her demon anymore, so she wasn't a threat to Devil's Kettle. Anita wondered if she would see Chip again in an afterlife, before quickly coming to her senses. Her Chip was in Heaven, she was headed to Hell... That would never work out.

To her great surprise, Anita found herself being moved onto her back by a somewhat embarrassed zombie Jen.

"You were super vile and I still don't forgive you... but I am a better friend than you ever were, so... Ugh, let me take you to the hospital"

Well that was unexpected. Anita felt so dizzy but shook her head anyway.

"I've got some blood in my car... Would you help me to it?"

Jen nodded, her anger simmering just below the surface. She hauled Anita back to her feet and helped her walk in the direction that Anita pointed.

"Jennifer and Needy, yes indeedy, gonna get some blood but let's be greedy, let's down Needy, oh that's seedy" Jennifer cheered, half heartedly

"I go by Anita now" Anita mumbled, feeling light headed

Anita felt Jennifer pull her closer, almost protectively, before whispering, bitterly "You'll always be hella needy to me"

Jennifer did, in fact help Anita back to her piece of shit station wagon. She had stolen it a few days ago from a sweet elderly couple who pulled over to give her directions. They were headed cross country to Knott's Scary Farm, Anita still hoped that they had found some way to make it.

Inside the station wagon, Anita hooked herself up to two bags of AB negative, and sighed happily as it flowed into her veins. When she opened her eyes again, she could see that Jen was staring at the bags like she used to stare at big greasy burgers when they were young and she was forced onto another new experimental diet by her asshole aunt. It was time for a distraction.

"So... you were awake the entire time?"

Jennifer sighed and actually rolled her eyes. Jen unwilling to gossip? What was the world coming to?  Anita opened the glove box and scavenged around for some cigarettes. Only finding one, she handed it over to Jen as a peace offering. The ex demon looked quite bemused. Anita lit her up, and Jen took a slow and steady drag.

"I was awake until my eyes turned to mush, after that everything was dark but I still knew where I was, everything felt so fucking claustrophobic... I could feel bugs and rats crawling over me, ripping off pieces of me to feed their babies... I could feel those tiny bits of myself in their little stomachs, being digested and shat out"

"You must've been marked by the demon that took your body" Anita explained, as best as she could "When it died, Hell didn't want you because it already had demon Jen, but the other twenty two after lives could still see its mark staining your soul"

"Twenty two?"

"Yeah, turns out Hell is exclusively for demons, almost everybody else just kind of gets placed in a restful afterlife tailored to who they were in this life"

"How do you know that?"

Anita felt herself start to blush and she knew that she needed to claw back some semblance of restraint... Oh fuck it, fuck it all.

"Because I've spent so very long trying to get you back"

Jen's eyes widened for a moment in surprise before finally returning to a more cynical glare.  She took a shorter puff of her cigarette before pausing, considering, and finally coming to the possibility.

"I guess... You regretted killing me?

"Every day, Jen! Every day for the last ten years!"

"Ten years!" Jennifer cried "I've been dead for ten years!"

Oh shit, Anita didn't mention that, and it's not like Jennifer had a fucking calender underground.

Jen went silent for several minutes, long enough for Anita to finish up her amateur blood transfusion. She felt awake but still very weak and so very hungry. She had never sacrificed her blood before, making it incredibly potent and desirable... Virgin blood by ancient tradition. This would hurt for a while yet as the Great Beast licked his lips.

Human/Demon Hybrid blood was a delicacy in some parts of the world, Anita wondered if it was the same in Hell.

"Is my mom okay?" Jen eventually asked

Anita had never heard Jennifer worry about her mother before, but her voice was shaking now.

"Yeah Jen, that's actually why you were being dug up, your mom wanted to move you out to California to be closer to her and her..." Maybe Anita shouldn't say any more, Jen never liked to share, in life or death.

"Her new family" Jen guessed, tears running down her still skeletal eye holes.

Anita wanted to wrap her arms around Jen and tell her that she wasn't so easy to replace, but coming from her literal murderer, maybe that wasn't such a great idea, so she simply settled for "You have a little baby brother"

Jen wiped her tears away on the sleeve of the dress she was buried in. A dress that was probably once the height of fashion but was now as torn and decayed as its owner.

"Yay" Jennifer murmured, before coughing up some dirt "Needy... Anita, whatever the fuck, can we just... Can we just go... Maybe get something to eat, I'm starving"

Anita nodded, Jen was in worse shape than she was, shaking off a decade of being dead would do that to you. Anita tried to hold Jennifer's hand but Jen pulled away from her touch like it was sheer pain.

With no other option left open to her, Anita put the key into the ignition and turned. The car engine shook to life, the final resurrection of the night.

Pulling out of the graveyard and driving back into town, Anita noticed just how much Devil's Kettle had changed in ten years. It had two malls for shit's sake, a few trendy restaurants, an arcade, a proper swimming pool that wasn't a safety risk. New houses, New people. Bland as all fuck but ultimately thriving.

Anita noticed Jen staring disdainfully at the progress outside. The living dead girl probably believed that the town would collapse without her. To see it doing well for itself most likely hurt more than the boxcutter that punctured her heart.

Not wanting to draw more attention to their presence than a strange, rusty ass station wagon in a nice town already would, Anita pulled into a roadside diner, just outside of town. She threw Jennifer a hoodie from the back seat.

"You'll need to cover up your..."

"Don't rub it in, Lesnicki" Jen snapped, before pulling the garment on and putting the hood up, partially obscuring her face from view.

The two, slowly and painfully left the station wagon and shambled toward the diner. Like most of the new editions to Devil's Kettle, the small building looked shiny and boring. Devoid of any personality or history. A corporate chain from the big city, the truest agents of Satan.

Inside, everything seemed to be normal enough. Truckers drinking coffee, a couple of students cramming math and blueberry pie into their bodies, and a lone biker, just sitting by himself, toasting a mug of hot cocoa to someone on a video call.

All of these people immediately stopped when they caught sight of Anita and Jennifer. They suddenly turned hostile, agitated, and even a little scared. They couldn't have recognized them, could they? Anita didn't know any of their faces. Unless maybe the cops had circulated her photo. She did steal the car in Wisconsin, maybe they put her journey together and worked out that she was coming home. Maybe Anita hadn't been as careful as she thought she was.

The heavily pregnant waitress behind the counter huffed.

"You can come in but you'll have to pay up front... And don't you dare use any of your poison here... Or try to sell any of it!"

Oh yeah, Anita forgot that they were as pale as ghosts, frail and disheveled... The waitress thought they were drug addicts. Everyone just thought they were drug addicts, that was good, fucked up, but good.

Anita nodded and handed over some bills.

"Can we get a pot of coffee, two burgers and some fries?" She asked as politely as she could manage with her head still spinning

"And a strawberry milkshake" Jennifer added

The waitress counted out the bills, then recounted them, held them up to the light, and then finally went into the back, leaving them to pick their table.

"Fucking bitch" Jennifer grumbled, and found a booth in the back, next to a broken jukebox.

"I can't exactly blame her" Anita defended, weakly "I mean, would you trust us?"

"Ugh, trust has nothing to do with this shit, Needy, these fuckers are up on their high horses, looking down on us, they get wasted like the rest of us, but when they see two people that are a little bit more raggedy than they are, they judge and hate and fear... What does that tell you?"

Anita shrugged, she wasn't ready for one of Jennifer's patented lectures.

"They judge us because we look poor as fuck, hoe" Jennifer concluded "They judge us because we look homeless, because we represent what they know they're just three mistakes away from becoming"

"In fairness, we also look half dead, Jen"

Jennifer slammed her fist against the jukebox "That's not the fucking point, damnit!"

Looking down at her hand, Jennifer paid close attention to the still healing tissue she just destroyed, and the skeleton hand underneath, which looked broken in two places.

"It doesn't even hurt" Jen mumbled, before limping off to the bathroom.

"You better not use in there!" the waitress warned

"Eat shit, you goddamn Sow" Jen cursed, under her breath

Jen always did have a way with words. Fuck, this was ridiculous. Anita pulled out her newly acquired blueberry muffin Toast'em vape and took a hit.

If Anita was being completely honest with herself, she had to admit that she never really expected this to work... The reason she left the blood bags in the car before the sacrifice was because a part of her wanted to die of blood loss and be reunited with her Jen in one of the afterlives. Jen would forgive her, tell her that she was right to kill that thing in her body because it wasn't actually her but instead was 'Balthazar: The Great Scourge of Hell' and that she's been safe and sound, drinking red wine and banging cuties for ten years.

Instead Jen was back to life and hated Anita more than ever. She and the demon were one, because of course they were, and when Anita killed that demon, she also killed her friend, her Jennifer, the girl she fell in love with all those years ago. Ugh, Anita had no idea what to do now. Jen must've spent every second in her grave dreaming about killing Anita, hating her with every fiber of her being... But then why did she stop beating her? Why did Jen help her back to the station wagon? Why didn't she snap Anita's neck and leave her in that open grave?

Hell is a teenage girl... That's what Needy used to say... But Anita was starting to wonder if Hell is just being left alone, by yourself, for years on end. Maybe Jennifer just didn't want to be on her own any more.

Speak of the former Succubus, Anita spotted Jennifer chatting up a trucker by the bathroom. It looked like she was saying all the right things, and hiding her face, just well enough. The trucker was interested, real interested. Anita had to shut this down.

Remembering a side effect of her little enchantment from earlier, Anita willed the plasma in her body to make contact with the plasma in Jennifer's and force her to come back to the table.

Nothing happened. Jennifer ran her now bandaged hands carefully up the trucker's neck and softly across his face. Anita slammed her own hand down on the sharp, exposed metal edge of the table. Blood burst forth from her palm and across the booth.

Jennifer immediately stopped caressing the trucker, and almost like someone flipped a switch in her head, she walked, sort of robotically, back to the table. Her face gaining fear with every step that wasn't truly her own.

"What the shit was that!?"

"You're connected to me... by blood" Anita explained "My blood flows through you, it gives you strength... You don't need to kill to feed anymore, and if you try to, I can stop you with that same life blood"

Jen stared daggers through Anita's skull. "I just wanted a fuck"

"Oh..."

"Don't 'Oh' me bitch, it's not easy convincing someone to screw you when you look like George Bush's wrinkled asshole"

Another wave of uncomfortable silence washed over them.

"When was the last time you got laid?" Jennifer suddenly asked

Nope, no way was Anita talking about this with Jennifer.

"Uh, awhile ago" Anita dismissed, nonchalantly

"Oh come on, Needy, if you're gonna sabotage my sexual misadventure, you should at least tell me about your own... Let's start with his name?"

God Damn It!

"... Marta... Her name was Marta"

"Hot damn!" Jennifer beamed "I knew there was a little bit of a dyke in you... Especially after our first time..."

"I like men and women" Anita replied, awkwardly

Jennifer raised what was left of her eyebrows in mock surprise.

"Wow, we have so much in common, who'd have thunk it... Oh yeah, me"

Before Anita could unpack that, a young african american man, one of the students, maybe? Wandered up to their booth, and made small talk for a few minutes before telling Anita that he would love to take her out to a new club that just opened up in Devil's Kettle. Jen found that hilarious, though Anita couldn't work out if that was because he had chosen her over Jen, or because Devil's Kettle had an actual club now. In either case, Anita politely declined and the beautiful young man went back to his friends.

"No love for Chocolate Chip?" Jennifer giggled

Oh that hurt. Perhaps seeing the look on Anita's face, Jen relented.

"Okay, okay, no mentioning your first love... sorry"

"Do you know what I miss most about Chip?"

"Oh God, it's going to be something terribly cliche" Jennifer groaned "His smile, his eyes, how the toilet smelt after he took a dump"

"I don't miss anything"

Nothing. Jennifer Check was speechless once again, it seemed miracles would never cease tonight.

"I barely remember his voice" Anita continued "I feel like such a bitch"

"Because you can't remember your childhood sweetheart?"

"No... I definitely remember you"

There. Might as well drop all of the bombshells tonight. Who knew if Anita would ever have another chance to say it.

"What?" Jennifer still had the cutest look of absolute confusion, even with her face looking like a patchwork blanket knitted by George A. Romero. Anita had always assumed that Jen knew how she felt.

"It was you Jen... It was always you... I loved Chip so very, very much... But I only loved him because he looked at me the way I wanted you to look at me... And after our first time, you never did"

"Is... Is that why you killed me?"

Fucking Jennifer, always making everyone else the villain of her story.

"No" Anita sighed "I killed you because you were butchering our classmates... I hated that thing you became, I was tired of burying my friends, and tired of wondering which one would be next"

Jennifer nodded absently for a moment, mentally digesting all of that, before eventually shaking her head.

"Probably doesn't matter anyway" Jen exhaled "Low Shoulder have probably made like a million demon bitches by now"

"Well, no"

"How would you know?"

"Because one night" Anita confided, voice low "I tracked them down and murdered them all"

Jennifer's mouth fell open, Anita was worried that her jaw was going to detach again, but it held firm.

"You did that for me...?"

All Anita could do was nod. Sure, she could make up some bullshit about doing it for Devil's Kettle, or the victims of the demon... or even Chip, her poor Chip... But it would be a lie. She massacred those bastards because of what they did to Jen. Because they took Jen away from her. Because it felt good to make them suffer like they made her best friend suffer.

"Shit..." Jen whispered "I'm kinda touched you went all Painkiller Jane for me"

The sound of smashing plates cut through their conversation, Anita turned in her seat and saw some old guy with a scraggly beard harassing the pregnant waitress.

"Oh fuck" Jen laughed "It's Wroblewski"

Holy shitsucker from hell, Jen was right, the old man was their former biology teacher Mister Wroblewski, even though he looked like ass, Anita could still see his prosthetic hook shining at his side. It looked different, somehow, almost sharp.

"Look!" The old man practically screamed "I can't afford the child support, and my wife said that if I made love to another girl, she'd leave me... So please, do me a solid and just get it out"

Anita had heard that Wroblewski was fired for getting two students pregnant. He had always seemed so nice, but Anita knew that nice didn't naturally translate to good, and under it all he was just a fucking asshole who used his position and all the tragedy around Devil's Kettle to abuse teens. Trauma makes it easier to manipulate vulnerable people after all.

"You think I wanted her, Ralph!? I asked you for the money to get it done months ago, and what did you tell me?"

"I..."

"You said you didn't believe in abortion! That you wanted us to be a family together, that you'd divorce your wife and use the money to buy us a nice big house to raise our kid!"

"Yes, but..." Wroblewski stuttered

"It's too late, Ralph! I'm too far across the line because of your bullshit... I can't get one now... I wish I could! But I can't!"

Wroblewski looked pissed, his face was all red and blotchy like an embarrassed Warthog that just fell into its own pile of shit.

"Fine..." he accepted "... I guess I'll just have to do it myself"

Before the waitress could even process what the elderly teacher had said, Wroblewski lifted his gleeming prosthetic, holy fuck it was a machete, and he ran her through the stomach with it.

"Pig on a spit" Jennifer laughed

Something inside Anita snapped. No one deserved to die like that. She took her Swiss Army Knife from a compartment in her boot, opened up the pointy end and ran toward Wroblewski. Anita caught him off guard and stabbed him in the back, wrenching the blade up to his shoulder, and then finally burying it in his neck. Wroblewski stiffly turned toward her, she tried to kick him in the balls but he caught her leg, and smashed her in the face with a nearby tip jar.

Anita fell to the ground, reeling and spitting out glass, as Wroblewski slowly and excruciatingly raised the machete above his head.

Wroblewski stopped, suddenly paying close attention to Anita's face.

"Needy?"

Jennifer plowed into him, knocking the former biology teacher into a kids size plastic statue of Scooby-Doo, it broke his fall and his two front teeth.

Jennifer lowered her hoodie to give Wroblewski a good look at her. He backed away in fear.

"Jennifer..." he choked on his own teeth "This isn't at all possible..."

Jen didn't give Wroblewski the chance to say anything else, she simply strutted up to him, ripped off his prosthetic machete, and buried it in his head.

"And that, Lesnicki..." Jennifer winked at Anita "Is how you kill a cunt... Aren't you glad you brought me back?"

Anita couldn't answer, the waitress was still gurgling on her own blood. Anita hobbled over to her side. A tiny hand was poking out of the woman's baby bump, it was moving.

"Get her out of me, please..." the waitress begged

Anita grabbed her Swiss Army Knife again and tried to cut methodically around the wound in the baby bump.

"No time!" Jen interrupted and mercilessly ripped the wound open by hand, freeing the baby and lifting her out of the waitress's corpse. The waitress had died with a smile on her lips, her body finally free of the thing she didn't want.

Jen looked down at the little baby with such affection and care, so fearful that the little thing would stop breathing. In that moment, there was no callousness, no bitchiness, no gross douchebaggery. Only Jen, her Jen... The one she fell in love with.

Jen reluctantly gave the baby over to Anita.

"She deserves someone pretty to look at when she opens her eyes" Jen breathed, pulling her hood back up

"You are so beautiful, Jen"

Jennifer grimaced and shook her head, sadly.

"... Needy, I think... I think you have Stockholm Syndrome or something" she replied, before taking a regretful look at the dead waitress, and then her baby, and finally leaving the diner.

Anita quickly wrapped the baby up in her jacket, found a mirror compact behind the counter, and rushed off after Jen. This had to be said, Jennifer had earned it.

Anita found Jen lying on the roof of an old van in the parking lot. It was starting to rain. Jennifer looked like an Angel.

"Going nowhere fast?" Anita teased

Jennifer chuckled that sweet chuckle of hers.

"Feeling lost..." she admitted "I'm back to life after ten years and... I have no idea what to fucking do... And all these stupid motherfucking feelings just won't stop, why can't I turn them off any more?"

"Because you're a human not a demon?"

"Oh be real, Needy, I don't resemble anything close to a human being anymore"

Anita handed her the compact. Jennifer raised her eyebrows, sarcastically, like she was so done with this entire situation, but then caught a glimpse of her reflection. Zombie Jen was long gone, all that was left was exactly how Jennifer's body looked ten years ago, the exact night they had met Low Shoulder. She was beautiful, young, and alive again.

"How?!" Jen cried

"Before I brought you back, I cast an enchantment" Anita softly told her "It took a while to kick in but basically it means that you and I share a soul... My soul, and as long as I'm alive, Death can't have you... You won't decay... You can have your life back"

"And you?" Jen looked worried

"My lifespan... Our lifespan is halved, but it is so worth it"

"No" Jen shook her head "Not after all the shit I put you through... Needy, you deserve to live a full life"

Anita took Jennifer's hand gently in hers, Jen actually let her.

"The last ten years without you have been so empty" Anita explained "Don't make me go back to that"

Jennifer stroked the back of Anita's hand, comforting her old sandbox love. Her touch was so warm, even in the rain.

"I won't" she promised "Thank you... Anita"

"Oh, I think I'm still Needy"

"Oh, really?" Jennifer smirked "What are you Needy for?"

Anita showed Jennifer exactly what she was Needy for. Jen's lips tasted so sweet, so right, as they welcomed her back home.

The baby yelled, excited to hear her own voice. Jennifer and Needy used that moment to break apart and take a look down at the girl. The endless possibilities of a new life, a new beginning. Needy smiled at the rare spark of hope in Jennifer's eyes. She knew exactly what they were going to do.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Seventeen Years Later

A bizarre, freakishly sharp wind traveled through the sleepy city of Diablo, California, it might've heralded the middle of Winter, though it was about six months too early and in entirely the wrong State. Nevertheless, It chilled the people on the streets to their very cores, it gnawed, angrily at the trees, and then it finally came to rest on the fashionable little suburb of Cody. Though, why it settled down there was anyone's guess. Most of the houses were pretentious, trendy little things, used mostly for renting out as AirBnBs or the sets of interactive VR music videos. One house, however, believe it or not, was an original Erica Check creation... It reeked of her. It had never been filmed or leased out in all its fifteen years of existence, its only role, to provide safety and comfort for the small family of three that owned it. The thing lurking in the wind pressed a hand to the window and drew itself closer to see what tasty morsels were inside.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Jennifer Check was brushing up on slang terms for her new clients. She was a fitness guru and dietitian, but all of her customers were like half her age and she could barely understand their bullshit made up language.

"Okay, so 'Crash' is good and 'Mode' is bad, and 'Schway' means cool... but then what the fuckcicle does 'Well Schway, Jen, you just Crashed the Mode' mean?'

"Um, maybe it means 'Cool, you just fucked shit up?' I was never very good at slang" her wife, Needy admitted

"Heh, yeah, I remember when you thought Mani Pedi was an Italian stud on Myspace... Fuck I miss Myspace"

Needy was packing for one of her hideously expensive 'Rich Customers Only' tours of haunted towns. As the owner of the business, she accompanied the rich dips and made sure they didn't get eaten by Werewolves or barbecued by the locals.

Jennifer held out her arms, asking wordlessly for a cuddle. Needy happily embraced her.

"Am I getting old, Needy?" Jennifer whimpered

"Yes" Needy smirked, before Jennifer swatted her with a pillow

"Bitch" 

The front door was thrown wide open and in wandered their daughter Sahara. She was a little trouble maker and so god damn frustrating, but they loved her so hella much. She was almost as good at manipulating as Jennifer was.

"Hey moms!" she greeted, trying to obscure their view of the area between the open front door and the stairs

"Hey sweetie, did you have a good day?" Needy asked, pretending not to see her daughter's boyfriend and girlfriend ascending the stairs

"Ugh, High School, you know? I have so much homework, it's barfing Mode... I think I'm just gonna get right to it" Sahara noticed Needy's suitcase "Have fun in Springwood, Momma"

"Thanks baby"

"Oh hon?" Jennifer asked, just as Sahara was leaving to go upstairs

"Yeah, Mom?" she asked, nervously

"What does 'Crash the Mode' mean?"

Sahara burst out laughing, it seemed as if she just couldn't help herself.

"Let me guess, Uncle James told you that one?"

Jennifer nodded, reluctantly, embarrassed to have to ask her teenage daughter.

"It means that your rizz game is zero and you've made everything so whoring jinxxtastic, zoom motherfucker" Sahara answered, before laughing all the way upstairs to her bedroom

"I miss calling things salty" Jen mentioned with a sigh.

Needy nibbled at Jennifer's earlobe for a moment before deciding "You are so super salty"

"You know salty means semen, right?" Jennifer grinned

"I've changed my mind, you're clearly a ten year old"

Upstairs, they heard Sahara's boyfriend warn her that he didn't have a condom.

"Oh shit no, we are not ready to be grandmas right now"

Jennifer leapt off the sofa and bounded up the stairs, before breaking down their daughter's door with her unnatural strength and screaming in her best facsimile of a demonic voice.

"Always use condoms or I will fucking eviscerate your soul and take a god damn shit on your face!"

"I'm on the pill!"

"Contraceptives aren't always effective! Double up!"

Moments later, Jen sauntered downstairs with Sahara and her two lovers behind her. The two other teenagers looked like they had just seen the Great Beast himself, they were trembling, but Sahara just looked pissed.

"Again!? Why do you have to be so fucking embarrassing! At least my birth mom had the common decency to fucking die and leave me to it! When are you going to follow her example!" Sahara screamed and then ran upstairs after her friends had left

"We don't mind you fucking!" Jen yelled as she cuddled up next to Needy "Just leave pregnancy until that magic moment in a womb-havers life when you're rich and successful and your parents are in an old folks home and don't even have to change their own diapers!"

"I HATE YOU!" Sahara screamed

"We love you too!" 

Jen supposed Needy was right after all, Hell was a teenage girl, but Jennifer wouldn't have had it any other way.

"Was all of that really necessary?" Needy pouted, mockingly

"With the amount of Plan B this household goes through? Absolutely"

Jen softly kissed the fake pout off of her wife's face, she basked in the warmth of her truest love, her Needy, and admired their new matching wedding rings, engraved with the letters 'BFF'

To Jen this was better than any stupid afterlife. She was so glad that she stuck around for this.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

The Exile from Hell inked a heart on the window with its own putrid blood. It was glad that its former host was well, they had both come so far since Devil's Kettle. A single bloody tear ran down its face. It was actually happy... It had never felt happiness before, not like this.

The Exile smiled thoughtfully at Jennifer, there was still a connection there between them... An ache... A belonging...  Sure, it was weak but it had been enough to help free the Exile from Lord Lucifer's grasp. The Demon knew that no matter how much they both wanted it though, they could never go back to the way things were... Back to their glory days... They had both changed too much, but it would make a point to keep an eye on it's old friend's family... Offer them a, heh, helping hand if needed... It was the least it could do... And hey if they wanted to reward it by giving it a new home to live in, well fair was fair. 

Noticing young Sahara sneaking out of the house from the balcony next to her bedroom, the Exile licked its lips before shifting its shape into a much more desirable form, and striving out to make a brand new friend. She smelt so sweet, like virgin blood... It was too late when the Exile realized the error of it's ways. Sahara's wrist opened and forced the Demon into her veins, stripping its power away and harnessing it for herself. The Exile realized in it’s last moments that it had been played, it's connection with Jennifer was too weak to help it escape from Hell, Sahara had exploited it, probably sacrificed the blood from one of her little friends to enhance the connection, but why? What was she going to do with it's power? The Exile's last thought was of Jennifer, truly afraid for whatever Sahara had planned for her and Needy... Fear, heh, today was a day for firsts. 

The End

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: Girl Friends by Holly Bourne

Despite the fact that she has written many books and she is pretty popular, certainly in the UK, I think this is my first Holly Bourne book. I own a couple of her others but her latest Girl Friends is the first one I’ve tried. This is one of her adult works, so I’m intrigued to try some of her better known YA titles next.

Fern and Jessica were inseparable best friends in their teens but when Jessica crosses an unforgiveable line, they drift apart and don’t see each other for a decade. Then Jessica turns up at Fern’s work event and wants to reconnect. So much has changed for both of them but can their new selves be as good friends as their old selves were?

Mental illness and suicide are strong themes in this book, so some readers should be aware of that before reading. Fern has a history of self-harm and attempted suicide as a teen. She is now working as a mental health writer and training to be a counsellor. So, there are certainly lots of references to mental health problems. These things are dealt with very sensitively and Bourne has clearly done her homework in this area, which I really appreciated.

The intensity of teenage female friendship is portrayed so authentically in this book. This was particularly true in the early chapters that looked back at Fern and Jessica’s history. At 14, friendships are everything, especially if you’re largely ignored by your crushes like Fern is. I had no doubt that Bourne has been through similar things to Fern as a young teen because I think they could only come from someone who has been that shy, awkward girl.

Bourne does an amazing job of showing teens as they really are. The idea that girls are only their real selves around their closest friends is so true but it’s a truth that I think can only be seen in hindsight with a wiser, more mature gaze. The party scene that this quote is from was so vividly built and I can still picture every hazy, sticky corner of it. We’ve all been to these parties and we all turned a blind eye to the horrors that almost certainly happened at them.

Anyone who was a teen in the early to mid 2000s will recognise a lot of the attitudes and references within the teen chapters. The lack of language to describe sexuality and gender differences was still very prominent, which makes it seem like such a long time in the past. Realising how much has changed since then reminded me that the time being described was 20 years ago. A terrifying thought for someone who still feels 18 but is very much 32!

I really didn’t like Jessica and I tried so hard to get on board with her redemption at the end. However, I just couldn’t and therefore, I was really disappointed with the last part of the book. While I completely understand the messages that Bourne was trying to get across with regard to lack of real consent and slut shaming, there was something about Jessica that meant that I couldn’t make these things fit with her actions. Throughout the book, I’d seen her sideline Fern for male attention and disregard her supposed best friend’s feelings with very little protestation. I just couldn’t convert that to seeing her as a victim. Maybe that’s some kind of internalised misogyny on my part that I don’t know about but I honestly did try to see why Bourne made that decision and I’m afraid I couldn’t.

Girl Friends is a nostalgic, realistic depiction of female friendship at both its best and its worst. Themes of obsession and self-discovery meet acceptance and compassion in this raw exploration of what being a desirable girl really means. I just wish it had ended differently!

[wallflowers-at-worlds-end]

" As much as I'd love to say I'm someone whose fully capable of surviving an apocalypse alone. That would be a HUGE LIE. I. CANNOT. Survive this phenomenon alone, but while I was unfortunate enough to start off on my own, I was lucky enough to come across the people I'd spend the entirety of this world ending event with. " ⇁ D.R.T

WALLFLOWERS AT WORLDS END :

— Depicts a barely 15 year old boy enduring the events of a zombie outbreak only taking place half a week ago in his current situation, Dorian, along with his Dog, Bagel, attempt to find a means of being able to permanently leave the residential suburb he was isolated in.

SETTING :

— Takes place in early 2000s, Pre-apocalyptic and mid apocalyptic circumstances

TAGS :

— Zombie apocalypse, cannibalism, illegal activity, drunk driving, murder, manslaughter, blood, violence, gore, mutilation, dismemberment, decapitation, implosion, major character injury, body modifications, body horror, underage drinking, underage smoking, drug use, implied/referenced overdose attempt, implied/referenced suicide, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/referenced infidelity, psychological torture, physical torture, minor character death, teenagers, teenagers being stupid, teenagers being teenagers, angst, slowburn, fluff, found families, platonic physical affection, lgbtq, original story - freeform, original characters

CAST :

- Dorian Rayne Taylor, Bagel, Nigel Rayne, Haven Taylor, Luis Keaton Rayne, Sirius Keaton Rayne, Rina Dela Cruz, Damian DeVine, Nicia B. Dela Cruz, Croix J. Peña, Gaston J., Jakki Peña, Jacob Oliver Carson, Floyd callahan, Newt Ryder, Adonis Fare Vrice, Malcolm Fare, Ezra watson Fare, Nicholas Wren Graves, Bernard Graves, Lee Asher Kidd, Francis Asher, Gale Asher, Maxxi Asher kidd, Jasper Amadeo Crowe, Christopher Amadeo, Marcele Amadeo, and more.

REGULATIONS :

- Avoid reposting the story without credits, especially if it's another app, please do not claim this as yours as I've worked hard on creating the very base of this book.

- Please at all costs avoid sexualizing the underage characters which involve most if not all of the main cast, this includes but is not limited to inappropriate artworks, nsfw fanfictions, explicit shipping, etcetera.

- Refrain from shipping the characters without considering what I am about to express as the author, forcing characters together out of the canon and confirmed isn't something I wish to occur, though I accept it to be inevitable. Keep in mind that the characters are mirrors to real life people that I, personally know, and I hope for you to respect my wishes, and them as well.

- Awfully specific however blatantly shaming or mocking my story is unacceptable, especially if it involves the label cringe, I dont know, it just seems quite unecessary to single out 'abnormal' behavior in teens. Just, why? No one asked you to do it, and I'm certainly not asking you to, so don't go in my inbox/notes just to say something about a character being weird.

- I feel as if these rules won't cover everything, so I'm going to be updating this in the middle of creating the story.

.... WALLFLOWERS AT WORLDS END

[mediaevalmusereads]

Hangsaman. By Shirley Jackson. Penguin, 2013 (originally 1951).

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: literary fiction

Series: N/A

Summary: Hangsaman is Miss Jackson's second novel. The story is a simple one but the overtones are immediately present. "Natalie Waite who was seventeen years old but who felt that she had been truly conscious only since she was about fifteen lived in an odd corner of a world of sound and sight, past the daily voices of her father and mother and their incomprehensible actions." In a few graphic pages, the family is before us—Arnold Waite, a writer, egotistical and embittered; his wife, the complaining martyr; Bud, the younger brother who has not yet felt the need to establish his independence; and Natalie, in the nightmare of being seventeen.

The Sunday afternoon cocktail party, to which Arnold Waite has invited his literary friends and neighbors, serves to etch in the details of this family's life, and to draw Natalie into the vortex. The story concentrates on the next few critical months in Natalie's life, away at college, where each experience reproduces on a larger scale the crucial failure of her emotional life at home. With a mounting tension rising from character and situation as well as the particular magic of which Miss Jackson is master, the novel proceeds inexorably to the stinging melodrama of its conclusion. The bitter cruelty of the passage from adolescence to womanhood, of a sensitive and lonely girl caught in a world not of her own devising, is a theme well suited to Miss Jackson's brilliant talent.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: sexual assault, blurring of fantasy and reality, attempted suicide/suicidal ideation, underage drinking

OVERVIEW: I have a lot of love for Shirley Jackson, so when I found this book at a used bookstore, I snatched it up. I didn't have a clear idea of what it was about going in, so in some respects, I was surprised. Overall, though, I think I'm giving it 3 stars because the narrarive progressed slower than I would have liked. Though I love Jackson's writing and Natalie, our protagonist, is strange and has an uncanny mind, I also think this book could have been a novella.

WRITING: Jackson's writing is incredibly descriptive and vivid. I really enjoyed how it blended fiction and reality, as well as how it showcased Natalie's internal thoughts and responses to the world around her. Jackson does a good job depicting psychological realism and finding a voice that feels both childish and on the edge of maturity.

PLOT: The plot of this book follows Natalie Waite, the daughter of a writer who goes off to college. While away, she struggles to make friends and spends a good amount of time in her own head.

If it sounds like not much happens, that's partially a correct assessment. There isn't much "plot" per se in this book, as most of the story is concerned with exploring Natalie's inner world. Part of me found this inner world fascinating; I loved the way Natalie blended fact and fiction, and I liked how whimsical she could sometimes be. But I also found the narrative to be somewhat slow and wished it was condensed.

Still, there were things I thought were smart. I liked the relationship between Natalie and her father and how his control over her influences the way she experiences the world. I also liked how the Langdon family mirrors the Waite family and how Natalie perceives the misery within both marriages. There is some element of social commentary there, but it's not so prominent that I'd say it's the main focus.

CHARACTERS: Natalie, our protagonist, is interesting to follow because she interprets the world in such imaginative yet childish ways. I found her responses to things to be fairly representative of a teenager who is living on her own for the first time, and her inability to get along with other girls was a great way to introduce tension.

I also greatly enjoyed the parallels between Mr. Waite and Mr. Langdon - Natalie's father and Natalie's English teacher. Both are egotistical and fail to keep their wives happy, and I enjoyed Natalie's letters to her father and her constant need to seek his approval.

Other supporting characters were fine. Elizabeth Langdon and Mrs. Waite were both sympathetic because they were so unhappy, and Vicky and Anne were irritating in appropriate ways. Tony, the mysterious girl that Natalie befriends, was also fascinating for her obsession with tarot, and I liked that her mysticism made the ending a little bit more unsettling.

TL;DR: While I respect what Jackson was trying to do with Hangsaman, it simply did not move quick enough or have enough plot for me to feel fully engaged. If you're interested in psychological realism or intensive character work, this book might appeal to you more.

[bambazzle]

LGBT+ Fantasy/Fiction Books and TWs

-In the case that a book on the list is the first of a series, TWs will include warnings for the entire series-

IDNS means “I Do Not Support the Author”- reasons will be listed and linked! if you are interested in this author’s book, try to buy second hand!

I have removed some books that were on here, I know! I removed them specifically for problematic content- this book list was not just books I loved, but books I had yet to read and hoped to love. Books that misrepresent or fetishize our community don’t deserve to be supported and spread even more. I have replaced these books with ones that don’t perpetuate harmful stereotypes, so we can all enjoy our escapes! 

1. Carry On by Rainbow Rowell (Trilogy)-

(Fantasy, Witches, Vampires, kind of Harry Potter-y, MLM Romance, TW for suicidal ideation, self-destructiveness, abandonment, foster care, neglect, bullying, major character death, racism, murder and attempted murder, violence, gun violence and relationship issues. It has some heavy topics but is written in a pretty light tone.)

(DNS author: Racism/stereotyping/fetishization of Asian community)

2. Red White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston-

(MLM “Enemies” to lovers, about the son of the President and the Prince of England getting into a fight, they have to fake a friendship to fix their PR situation, TW for being publicly outed, semi-graphic sex scenes, politically charged discussions, addiction, underage alcohol use, blackmail, parental death (mentioned), homophobia, panic attacks, sexual abuse/harrassment (mentioned), racism, parental neglect )

3. Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller-

(MLM but not explicitly romance, Ancient Greece, demigods, exile, TW for abduction, abandonment, war, violence, ableism, child abuse, death, human sacrifice, human trafficking, murder, plague (mentioned), sexual assault (mentioned), self-harm, slavery, torture)

4. The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic (Trilogy)-

(MLM, very slow burn. Demisexual MC. Mafia mixed with kids with broken homes mixed with a kid who has a dream of being a pro at a fictional sport. The focus is NOT on the relationship, it is the subplot. TW for ableism, verbal and physical abuse, abuse within a psychiatric facility, alcoholism, underage alcohol use, physical assault, sexual assault, conversion therapy (mention), death of an animal, parental death, drug abuse, drug use, drug overdose, drug misrepresentation, violence, gun violence, knife violence, homophobia, hate crime, murder, panic attacks, rehab, self harm, suicide (mentioned), graphic torture, manipulation, police intervention, organized crime/mafia, graphic description of burns. It is a great series but it has heavy content and is not light reading if you go in unprepared.)

5. The House on the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune -

(MLM (WLW side characters), fantasy, found family, heartwarming romance, magical creatures, TW for abuse(mentioned), trauma-related anxiety, bigotry, body shaming, bullying, child abuse (backstory), internalized fatphobia, homophobia, microaggresions, violence, violence against children)

6. Heartstopper by Alice Oseman (Series)-

(MLM, graphic novel, slow burn, coming out, TW for emotionally abusive relationship, anorexia, self harm, suicidal ideation, bullying(mentioned), psychiatric facility, trauma discussion, homophobia)

7. The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater (Series)-

(MLM, Fantasy, about a secret private school, slow burn, found family, TW for underage alcohol use, drug use, suicide(mentioned), homophobia, domestic abuse, child abuse(mentioned), murder and attempted murder, burglary, car crash, fire related death(non-graphic), kidnapping, terminal illness, sick parent, ritual sacrifice, suicide, violence, gore, gun violence, knife violence, panic attack, PTSD, workplace harrassment)

8. They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera-

(MLM, Bisexual Latino characters, whole story takes place in 24 hours because at about midnight- aka the start of the book- they get a phone call saying they’re going to die, TW for death, animal death, child death, drowning, violence, gang violence, gun violence, homophobia, panic attack, parental suicide, suicidal ideation, sick parent, police intervention, and foster care)

9. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo (Series)-

(Queer characters, but no romance in the first book, fantasy, found family, slow burn, TW for graphic depictions of violence, addiction, genocide/fantasy racism, gambling, drug use, withdrawal, ableism, abuse(mentioned), sexual slavery(mentioned/backstory), sexual assault(mentioned/backstory), imprisonment, murder and attempted murder, death, death threats, loss of loved one, prosecution, torture, violence, gore)

10. The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee- 

(MLM Historical Fiction Romance, Travel/Journey, Best Friends to lovers, TW for abuse, homophobia, adoption, alcoholism, breakups, death(mentioned), epilepsy/seizures, prison, robbery)

(DNS author: transphobia/biphobia)

11. In Deeper Waters by FT Lukens-

(MLM, High fantasy, “A young prince must rely on a mysterious stranger to save him when he is kidnapped during his coming of age tour”, TW for kidnapping, violence, abuse, war(mentioned))

12. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz (Duology)-

(MLM Latino coming of age story, TW for violence, surgery, transmisogyny, sexism, homophobia, hate crime, PTSD, hospitalization, alcohol use, drug use, animal death, car crash, death(non-graphic))

14. We Contain Multitudes by Sarah Henstra-

(MLM, coming of age, friendship and romance, TW for bullying, homophobia, abuse, underage alcohol use, drug use)

15. Beneath the Citadel by Destiny Soria-

(Asexual/Bisexual representation, fantasy, ragtag team goes on a quest, TW for death, abduction/kidnapping, blackmail, branding, child abuse(mentioned), coma, amnesia, execution, murder, addiction, violence)

16. More Happy than Not by Adam Silvera-

(MLM main character, YA, “it's about a boy who is considering a memory-alteration procedure to forget he's gay because leading a life as a straight teen would probably be way easier for him. It's about science versus nature, friendship, sexuality, and a quest for happiness.” About the happy ending and how even bad moments lead to good. Hopeful but despairing. TW for attempted suicide, suicide, domestic abuse, medical procedure to erase sexuality, internalized homophobia, homophobia, depression)

17. I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver-

(Nonbinary main character, nonbinary muslim side character, romance/love and building a family out of people you care about. About finding your voice. TW for bad coming out, misgendering, transphobia, family rejection/struggle, anxiety(detailed), child abuse, gender dysphoria, homophobia, disownment, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, suicidal ideation, underage alcohol use)

18. We Are Okay by Nina LaCour-

(WLW, moving out and coming of age, self-discovery and childhood romance, TW for loss of a loved one, depression, loneliness(detailed), chronic illness, death, drowning(mentioned), suicide)

19. The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness-

(Contemporary, about the normal people’s lives while living among Chosen Ones. Family/coming of age/acceptance story. TW for monsters, apocalypse, violence/explosions, death, anorexia, relapse, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, unrequited romance)

20. Lizard Radio by Pat Schmatz-

(Dystopian story about a teenager struggling with their gender identity, TW for abandonment, oppressive government, outlawed homosexuality, hate crime, homophobia, transphobia, violence)

[introvertguide]

Abuse of Children Portrayed in Film

I like to use movies as an escape from the harshness of the real world and one of the things that I have learned about in my education is the effects on children when they are mistreated. I have a Masters Degree in Developmental Psychology and one of the hardest classes for me to handle was Abnormal Development in Children and Adolescents. We covered everything from dealing with dyslexia and ADHD to surviving severe abuse and loss at a very early age. We had guest speakers that ranged from people who had escaped genocide as children, to individuals who had been sold into prostitution by their parents, to people who had suffered severe abuse from their parents or guardian. I have heard stories that will stick with me forever and that is nightmare fuel that I don't want to share.

Because of my background education, I take note of the treatment and behavior of children and adolescents in the movies that I watch. There have been many great movies over the years that have depicted the suffering of children and it has always been difficult for me to deal with. There are more well known examples of films that focus on suffering but throw in more of a "sometimes we all suffer, even the children" message that demonstrate that kids aren't immune to great travesties (basically any film about The Holocaust). There are also well known films that show children "coming of age" through hardship (Annie 1982, Oliver! 1968) but end perfectly. There is a more current series of films that focuses entirely on a boy discovering a fantasy world that was robbed from him when his parents were murdered by a tyrant (Harry Potter series). But in this list I want to review some lesser known films that show examples of abuse. Even after all that I have seen and heard, the following list of films have affected me personally for one reason or another. Sometimes the children in these films endure and overcome their situation in the end. Sometimes these children do not survive or sadly remain in their misfortunes. To me, this can make the movie all the more powerful because of the incredible amount of pathos that endangering a child character can add. It can also make it a heart wrenching experience that is painful to watch. Here are some powerful films in which children suffer and the struggle is one of the main plot lines of the movie:

SPOILER WARNING AND VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISORY!!! I AM GOING TO GIVE AWAY THE PLOT TO THESE FILMS AND IT SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING THAT SOME OF THE PLOTS ARE DISTURBING!!! EITHER WATCH THE FILM IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS OR CHECK OUT THE FOLLOWING SUMMARIES IF YOU WOULD RATHER JUST HEAR WHAT HAPPENS SO YOU KNOW IF YOU WANT TO WATCH OR NOT!!!

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Sybil (TV Movie) 1976

I just recently saw this film after I had heard of the story in my abnormal development class almost 10 years ago. It is the story of a woman who developed multiple personalities to deal with a childhood in the care of an undiagnosed schizophrenic mother. The movie stars Sally Fields and is based on a true account of Shirley Ardell Mason and her treatment by psychologist Cornelia Wilbur. The acting in the film is overdramatic at times, but it definitely reminded me of some of the actual old videos of Shirley Mason and her sudden strange switches in personality when she was scared or anxious. Dr. Wilbur used hypnosis to actually introduce Mason to her alternate personalities and she was able to recognize her disassociative identity disorder and overcome it. It still hurts me to think that this person was mentally wounded so deeply by her parents that it basically shattered her into pieces in an effort to make sense of things.

Leon: The Professional 1994

I mention this film a lot because it is a heartwarming story of an assassin teaching a young orphan how to murder. It is the breakout role for Natalie Portman and it is just amazing. Leon is a "cleaner" that lives next door to an abusive and addictive family with a troubled girl named Mathilda. The father gets in trouble with the mob and some enforcers come by and slaughter most of the family while Mathilda is getting groceries. She returns during the massacre and realizes what is happening so continues next door and pleads for shelter. Leon takes her in and teachers her the trade and protects her from the men who want to finish her off. The movie was written and directed by Luc Besson and stars Jean Reno, Gary Oldman, and Natalie Portman. The suffering that this girl endures because of her parent's addictions hurts me, yet I have seen and enjoyed this film many times. I recommend watching when in the mood to be deeply affected by the trials of a little girl and the killer who protected her.

Kids 1995

This film came out when I was early in high school and bothered me greatly. It is a story by Harmony Korine, and one of his many attempts to capture the hopeless lives of unmotivated and unsupervised teens. These are young teens having unprotected sex, stealing money to do drugs, and attacking people in the park. I did not really go to these kinds of parties when I was that age (or ever really) and it has bothered me to think that adolescents would partake in this kind of behavior. It is hard for me to believe that these kids had the ability to mentally comprehend the consequences of their actions and some of the characters end up contracting HIV from each other. I would not recommend the film because it is a depressing day in the life that no youth should have.

Gummo 1997

I would not call this a good movie and I wouldn't really recommend it. It is another work by Harmony Korine and really details the depravity that can occur with unsupervised youths living in low socio-economic conditions. This movie is just depressing and motivated me to find something to motivate me into action. I got into both psychology and teaching, which has served me well for the past 20 years. It was this film that showed me how low the bar for quality of life could be, and I guess for that I am thankful. However, I still wouldn't recommend it.

Happiness 1998

This movie I didn't see right away but noticed it at the video store on many occasions. I final watched it when I was about 25 on the recommendation of a friend and one particular storyline greatly disturbed me. It is basically the story of 3 sisters that feel they should be happy and project a face of happiness, yet they are miserable and have horrible lives. One sister in particular is married to a psychiatrist who turns out to be a pedophile that rapes the friends of his young son. At one point rather early on in the movie, this man confesses to his son that he raped the boy's friends and that he would do it again. The son is so confused that he asks his father why he never raped him. It is so disturbing to me because I know the boys that were assaulted will be forever damaged and this boy who was not actually raped will be mentally scarred as well. The fact that there are people in the world that would harm children that way, recognize what they had done, and then know they didn't have the self control to stop themselves from doing it again is horrifying to me.

Lilya 4-Ever 2002

This film is deeply disturbing and I highly recommend never watching it. I will spoil it for you now so you never have to see it if you don't want. A 16-year-old girl named Lilya lives with her mother. The mom gets a boyfriend and the couple move to America and abandons Lilya with a neglectful aunt. The aunt movies into the old apartment of her sister and Lilya is forced to move out and become a prostitute to make money. A boy comes along and convinces her to move to Sweden to escape her life. When they arrive, this boy sells her to a pimp and she becomes a teenage sex slave. She almost escapes, but is then captured and beaten almost to death. She escapes again and this time commits suicide so she won't be recaptured. This movie is awful and changed my mind about giving every film a chance. I wish I could forget this film, but I can't. Perhaps it is just not for me, but this film presentation is definitely an experience that you won't soon forget.

The Kite Runner 2007

I read this book in my twenties and saw the film in my thirties and both affected me greatly. A well-to-do boy and his friend are in a kite battle competition and the friend is beaten and raped when he goes to retrieve a fallen kite. The well-to-do boy denies knowing what happened to his friend (he does know) and basically shames and abandons him. This action haunts the well-to-do boy for the rest of his life. How the boy who was raped is basically falling prey to blaming the victim is heartbreaking, and the lifetime of guilt of the other boy is pitiable. Neither boy was the actual attacker yet they both were the ones that suffered.

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There are many other examples of movies along these lines and could be found if you feel like suffering. I can't say that I would recommend them because they are very difficult to watch. Beyond just dealing with the content, it is rare to find child actors who can actually portray somebody who has truly suffered. The mix of bad acting and a depressing plot can make for a terrible movie going experience. The genre of movie involving suffering does exist, though, and it could be enjoyed (?) by some. Just not generally by me.

[lucky-katebishop]

What I Read in July 2021

Oh, man, this is gonna be a long post. I bookmarked 33 fics, all of them Harry Potter related, with a few cross-overs.

Forget-Me-Not by Lomonaaeron *favorite*

Plot: Harry isn’t the Boy-Who-Lived, but his parents still died, and Albus Dumbledore, concerned that Death Eaters might seek the boy’s death, cast a powerful charm on him to make wizards ignore him before Harry was left with the Dursleys. Except, with the Elder Wand in play, the charm was far too powerful, and made others essentially forget Harry existed when not directly interacting with him. Sorted into Ravenclaw at Hogwarts, Harry lives a contented life with no one either loving or hating him…until the charm breaks on his seventeenth birthday, and he’s suddenly plunged directly into the middle of a living world at war.

Characters: Harry, Theo Nott, Dumbledore, Neville, Ollivander, Lupin, Rabastan Lestrange, Ron, Hermione, Draco, original non-human characters, Peter Pettigrew, Umbridge

Relationships: Harry Potter/Theo Nott

Warnings: none apply

Tags: ancient runes, socially awkward Harry Potter, Ravenclaw Harry Potter, Harry Potter is not the boy-who-lived, angst, romance, horcruxes, muggleborn registration commission, blood magic

My Notes: I inhaled this in one sitting and then cried for like 10 minutes afterwards, it’s so beautifully written, it became an instant favorite

*complete*

He Turned Around by ChipOfftheOldSoul *favorite*

Plot: When the Goblet of Fire spit out Harry's name that Halloween night, he was told to join the other champions. Instead, he turned around and walked away.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Draco, Ron, Hermione, Victor Krum, Cedric Diggory, Fleur Delacour, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, Crabbe, Goyle, Daphne Greengrass, Fred & George, Marcus Flint, Millicent Bulstrode, Tracey Davis

Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter; Harry Potter & Severus Snape; Draco Malfoy & Severus Snape

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, mentioned homophobia

Tags: book 4, good Severus Snape, good Draco Malfoy, good Slytherins, smart Harry Potter, Dumbledore bashing, manipulative Dumbledore, past child abuse, runes, slow burn, enemies to friends to lovers, Slytherin Harry Potter, Hogwarts House re-sort, no Ron bashing but he’s not great for a while

My Notes: I’ve already read this twice in less than a week period and I cannot wait until it’s updated (hopefully it’ll be updated) and I absolutely love the way it’s written and Harry’s characterization. I also very much appreciate that there won��t be Ron bashing, I’ve read too many Ron bashing fics, but I am here for all of the Dumbledore bashing!

*incomplete* [last updated June 2021]

Stars by LilyIsAwesomerThanYou

Plot: When Snape discovers Harry's abusive past during an Occlumency lesson, Harry panics. Snape is forced to take care of him in the aftermath. Mentor/guardian fic. As always, no slash.

Characters: Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Dumbledore, Ron, Hermione

Relationships: Gen

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, emotional/psychological abuse, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, depression

Tags: Severitus, angst, drama, past abuse, hurt/comfort, mentor Snape, guardian Snape, occlumency

My Notes: Snape is a dick in this one, and so far he has not gotten any better, just a warning, but there’s some great Harry angst going on here (that’s why I bookmarked it). Yeah, Snape is pretty evil in this one, there’s some victim blaming and just straight up verbal abuse from him.

*incomplete* [last updated 2018]

violet hill by rejectedreality

Plot: Where Harriet Potter is Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes’ soulmate.

Fandoms: Harry Potter & MCU

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Harry Potter, Steve Rogers, Hermione, Ron

Relationships: Bucky Barnes/Harry Potter; Steve Rogers/Harry Potter; Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers; Bucky/Steve/Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, emotional/psychological abuse

Tags: fem!Harry Potter, soulmate-identifying marks, age difference, angst with a happy ending, it gets worse before it gets better

My Notes: this is so, so, so fucking beautiful! I am straight up in love with this fic, and I am so sad that it hasn’t been updated for a few years because there was so much potential. There are some hints at underage couples, as Harry’s 15 while Bucky and Steve are adults, but nothing actually happens.

*incomplete* [last updated 2017]

trapped in a blue haze by MourningElegance

Plot: “And in that moment, Draco knows. He knows that all his deep-rooted suspicions about Harry’s childhood are terribly, horribly true.” As their relationship grows, so do Draco’s misgivings about Harry’s past.

Rating: Explicit!!!

Characters: Harry, Draco

Relationships: Harry/Draco

Warnings: explicit sexual content, implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: established relationship, smut, porn with plot, explicit sexual content, fluff and angst, hurt/comfort, cuddling, post-war, post-Hogwarts, auror Harry Potter, POV Draco, character study, sickfic, epilogue what epilogue, injury

*complete*

From the Dungeons by huntersg1rl

Plot: One conversation goes slightly differently. How much does it change? Features a caring Snape, supportive Malfoys, strong friendships, and Slytherin Harry.

Characters: Harry, Draco, Blaise, Pansy, Daphne, Snape, Narcissa, Lucius, Sirius, Remus, Pomfrey, Dumbledore

Relationships: pre-Harry/Draco; Severus Snape & Harry Potter

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Slytherin Harry Potter, Good Severus Snape, good Lucius Malfoy, good Narcissa Malfoy, manipulative Dumbledore, POC Harry, animagus transformation, wizengamot, politics and culture

My Notes: YA’LL! This one is so cool! It’s going under some major maintenance at the moment, so it’ll be a bit of a wait until it gets going again but I recommend reading it immediately before the changes get enacted. I don’t want to spoil anything, but Harry’s a BAMF in this series, especially when we get to book 3

*incomplete* [this is a series, first three parts are completed, last updated February 2021]

Fighting for Freedom by dreamsofmermaids

Plot: At the end of a horrific fourth year, Harry overhears something on the train back to London that sets in motion a series of events that will reveal truths, change decisions, and send Harry on a path to true freedom. But nothing comes without a fight.

Fandoms: Harry Potter & Criminal Minds

Characters: Harry, Snape, Aaron Hotchner, Spencer Reid, Jason Gideon, Emily Prentiss, Sirius Black, Voldemort

Relationships: to be announced (I know, I’m sorry, I hate this too)

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, major character death, attempted sexual assault, implied/referenced child abuse, suicide attempt, kidnapping

Tags: Dumbledore bashing, Weasley bashing, Hermione bashing, Harry runs away, Snape bashing, not so evil Voldemort, trouble magnet!Harry

My Notes: this one is really good and it features a Harry and Dobby friendship. I’m gonna spoil it right now, Hotchner is Harry’s dad, I hate it when it doesn’t state it in the tags

*incomplete* [last updated February 2021]

From Grace by silver_fish *favorite*

Plot: From the top of the Astronomy Tower, the stars always look brighter. Funny, how Harry can’t seem to find them at all anymore.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Hermione, Ron

Relationships: Harry & Snape

Warnings: suicidal thoughts, implied/referenced child abuse, attempted suicide

Tags: set during Ootp, insomnia, nightmares, teenage angst, emotional hurt/comfort

*complete*

A Beautiful Lie by Panis_fluvium

Plot: Harry receives his letter while the Dursley's are on vacation. Harry takes it upon himself to find out if the letters he receives are true or if someone is playing a massive joke on him. What happens when he journey's to Diagon Alley alone? What happens when he finally gets to school? Will he finally fit in? Will he finally escape the abuse?

Characters: Harry, Draco, Snape, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Blaise, Pansy, Ron, Hermione

Relationships: Draco/Harry; Pansy/Blaise; Snape/?

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Severitus, Slytherin Harry, bullying, shy Harry, slight Ron bashing, fairly good Voldie, misunderstood darkside, manipulative Dumbledore

*incomplete* [last updated June 2021]

The heir of something or other by diregewithoutmusic

Plot: When kids in the Slytherin Common Room tossed jeers at the pudgy feet of Millicent Bulstrode, Harry rose up to do something about it. This Harry, now one of Snape’s own, got fewer House points lost but many more detentions– it had never been the colors on his hem that Severus hated. This was not wishing Harry an easy path. This was not wishing the boy a warm House. This was Harry, three weeks in, sleep deprived and considering running away and going back to Privet Drive. This was Harry in the back of Potions class, blank-faced under Snape’s disdain the way he’d perfected under the Dursleys’s torments. When Quirrell shouted “troll in the dungeons, thought you ought to know,” and Harry overheard that there was a girl in the bathroom crying, he still ran off to make sure she got out okay. He hesitated first, at the back of the little pack of Slytherin first years (at the back so that no one could get behind him)– he hesitated. And Millicent Bulstrode, who could never quite keep her tummy tucked in enough, could never brush all the cat hair off her robes, never quite keep her temper in check, hesitated, too.

Characters: Harry, Millicent, Colin Creevey, Hermione, Dennis Creevey, Luna, Ron, Draco, Astoria, Daphne, Pansy, Neville, Susan Bones

Relationships: gen

Warnings: major character death

Tags: Slytherin Harry, canon typical violence

My Notes: this made me cry. It like actually made me cry. I don’t cry when I read fanfiction, but this one actually made me cry, it’s been two weeks and I still feel like crying thinking about this fic, but that being said it’s written so beautifully.

*complete*

Conditionally by Lomonaaeren

Plot: Harry finds out that he's Snape's son. It goes as badly as possible.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Dumbledore, Sirius, Hermione, Ron, Seamus, Umbridge, Rita, Neville, Voldemort

Relationships: minor Lily/Snape; Harry & Snape; Hermione & Ron & Harry

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, suicidal thoughts, minor character death

Tags: Severitus, present tense, powerful Harry, Snape is Harry’s biological father, unhealthy coping mechanisms, independent Harry

My Notes: wow this one made me so mad for Harry. Sirius and Remus are not Harry’s friends, nor Dumbledore. Be warned, as good as this fic is, you will be very angry at all the adults in this fic. Snape isn’t a loving father type, and their relationship isn’t the greatest but it’s better than nothing by the end.

*complete*

Harry Potter and the Secrets Within by WhoWroteThis

Plot: Harry Potter is a very special, but very abused little boy. When a giant drags him into a world unknown, he'll need all the help he can get to understand his newfound belonging. Lucky for him, he has a snake, a dragon, and a horde of protective allies on his side.

Characters: Harry, original animal characters, Snape, Draco, Lucius and Narcissa, Portrait Salazar Slytherin, Basilisk, Blaise, Hogwarts ghosts, Quirrell, Voldemort

Relationships: Harry & Voldemort; Harry & Draco; Harry & Snape

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, internalized homophobia, implied/referenced alcohol abuse, suicide threats and thoughts

Tags: Harry Potter needs a hug, parseltongue, Harry Potter has a pet snake, powerful Harry, metamorphmagus Harry, good Malfoy family, Slytherin Harry, slow burn, Slytherin politics, Hagrid bashing, Hermione bashing, Ron bashing, Dumbledore bashing, rituals, centaurs, dragons, cats, snakes

My Notes: I will literally never be trustworthy of the basilisk after reading Antithesis but I have to admit the basilisk in this fic is pretty great

*incomplete* [last updated August 2021]

The Tainted Blood of the Father by StarLight_Massacre *favorite*

Fandoms: Supernatural & Harry Potter

Plot: Harry has broken away from his chains after the Dursleys go too far. A simple desire to make a withdrawal from Gringotts leads to something much larger and exposes more than he ever knew about himself. A rushed, impulsive trip to America changes his entire life as he might have just found himself a true family to call his own.

Characters: Harry, John Winchester, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Bobby

Relationships: Gen

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, implied/referenced child abuse, attempted sexual assault

Tags: Awkward Winchesters trying to deal with Harry, cinnamon roll Harry

My Notes: The dynamic between Harry and the Winchesters shouldn’t work this well, but they absolutely do. Harry is a little Sam, he acts so much like him it’s so cute and everyone finds it so cute. Really great amount of angst and hurt/comfort. Doesn’t deal with the wizard side of things that much but I expect that’ll change in the upcoming chapters. Author has stated they don’t know if the Winchesters ever will find out that Harry’s a wizard, however, so keep that in mind

*incomplete* [last updated April 2021]

On a Pale Horse by Hyliian

Plot: When Dumbledore tried to summon a hero from another world to deal with their Dark Lord problem, this probably wasn't what he had in mind.

Characters: Harry, Death, Dumbledore, Hermione, Remus, Voldemort, Ron

Relationships: Gen

Warnings: none

Tags: master of death Harry, dimension travel, summoning rituals gone horribly wrong, godlike Harry, Dumbledore bashing, crack treated seriously, does major character death count as a tag when the major character is Death?

My Notes: so absolutely creepy, I love it so much, our Harry is not really all that much like Harry at all because he’s an immortal eldritch being of horror

*incomplete* [last updated 2018]

tell me whether he is dead by LullabyKnell *favorite*

Plot: Harry suffers a few side-effects of dying but not dying. “Hey, can someone help me with this? The mirror in the bedroom’s stopped working for me. “What do you mean ‘the mirror’s stopped working’?”

Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione

Relationships: Harry/Ron/Hermione

Warnings: none

Tags: post-canon, epilogue what epilogue, post-battle of Hogwarts, post-Deathly Hallows, haunting, implied/referenced character death, gen or pre-slash, fluff and angst, oblivious Harry, master of death Harry

My Notes: so fucking brilliant, this author literally never misses, the relationship between the golden trio is so fucking cute and I love them so much

*complete*

A New Place to Stay by DebsTheSlytherinSnapeFan *favorite*

Plot: Harry Potter is called up to Dumbledore's office and told he was being moved elsewhere to keep him safe. He no longer has to stay at the Dursley's, but Dumbledore tells him he has to stay with Severus Snape. For a few days it seemed like a bad idea. Until Severus Snape uncovers the truth of who Harry Potter really is and what he's been through. Watch as Severus does as nobody else has done before him. He takes care of Harry. Watch him flourish into who he was meant to be, a boy with the heart of a Gryffindor and smarts of a Slytherin. The Dursley's, Umbridge and Dumbledore had better watch out Severus is out for revenge. Spy or no spy, Severus is not allowing anyone away with hurting Harry.

Characters: Snape, Harry, Dumbledore, Neville, Luna, Hermione, Ron

Relationships: Gen

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Severitus

My Notes: I’ve read so many of these types of fics that even though this is more than 300k words I can’t remember a single thing about this but it must’ve been good because I labelled it as favorite, so

*complete*

Silver Lining by BloodyRed_Queen

Plot: Harry has a disastrous Summer with the Dursleys and is brought to Hogwarts early. In order to protect him, drastic measures are taken and Harry finds himself living with one Severus Snape.

Characters: Harry, Blaise, Draco, Snape

Relationships: Harry/Blaise; Harry & Snape

Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: animagus, father-son relationship, severitus, Snape adopts Harry, good Slytherins, Ron bashing, Dumbledore bashing, therapy, manipulative Dumbledore

*complete*

truth’s like blood underneath your fingernails by Choices_We_Make, questionsthemselves

Plot: "Slytherin would do well, help you on the path to greatness," the hat seems to be coaxing him, but for something that can read his mind, it sure doesn't seem to know him very well. Harry doesn't want greatness. He doesn't need his name in lights and on everyone's lips. He wants meals, hot ones, whenever he wants, with people that he likes and that like him. Friends he can have adventures with, huddle under the blankets with at night and laugh with. People who might think… think he's worth something. In which Harry is sorted into Slytherin, and Snape deals with the fallout.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Draco, Theo, Blaise

Relationships: Harry & Snape

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Slytherin Harry, Severitus sort of, angst with a sort of hopeful ending, Snape discovers abuse

*complete* [part of a series, incomplete but first two parts are finished, last updated 2018]

Harry Potter and the Immortal’s Playground by May_May_o_o

Fandoms: MCU & Harry Potter

Plot: Living forever isn't all it's cracked up to be. Harry Potter learns the meaning of immortality when everyone he loves dies again and again after becoming the master of death. After millennia of love lost, Death sends him to "Elsewhere" in order to give his master something new and different. Harry emerges from ash in New Asgard. What's a man like Thor to do but offer the traveler a home?

Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Luna, Death, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Clint, Natasha, Loki, Thor, Bruce, May Parker

Relationships: Harry/Ginny; Thor/Harry; Harry & Avengers

Warnings: PTSD, suicide attempts

Tags: master of death Harry, magically powerful Harry, panic attacks, hurt/comfort, post-snap

My Notes: I don’t usually like Harry paired with any of the Avengers other than Peter, but Thor and Harry are so soft and written beautifully, I love this author so much

*incomplete* [last updated June 2021]

Another Mind Game by May_May_o_o *favorite*

Plot: Harry’s occlumency reveals his disturbing home life which sets off a chain reaction that cannot be undone. Snape finds himself begrudgingly caring about the bespectacled boy, Harry discovers what it's like to have adults who care, and Hermione finds herself becoming an accidental crime lord. Draco Malfoy is very much along for the ride, in all senses of the word. A ridiculous blend of hilarity and tragedy, Another Mind Game is the multi-faceted fanfiction you didn't know you wanted but will absolutely adore. Featuring a sassy Harry Potter, good friends, and a great deal of sarcasm.

Characters: Harry, Neville, Hermione, George, Fred, Snape, Ron, Luna, McGonagall, Dumbledore, house elves

Relationships: Draco/Harry; Hermione/Ron; Snape & Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse; presumed suicidal (it makes sense when you read it)

Tags: mentor Snape, strong Harry, sassy Harry, slow burn, fluff and angst, Dumbledore bashing, crack treated seriously, Snape adopts Harry, protective Hogwarts, magically powerful Harry

My Notes: favorite, absolute favorite, read it three times already and it’s only been three weeks! The endnotes are so funny and add a lot of levity to the story

*complete* (unfortunately, I wish I could read more)

Not Just Pretty Words by LullabyKnell

Fandoms: Harry Potter & The Addams Family

Plot: On an unexpected holiday to America, Harry Potter meets a strange girl at a zoo, finds out that he's a witch, steals a snake, and is cordially invited to the Addams mansion for dinner.

Characters: Harry, Wednesday, Morticia, Gomez

Relationships: Gen; Addams Family & Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Harry needs a hug, worldbuilding, happy ending, found family, light angst

*complete*

Bruised Words by starknjarvis

Plot: After Harry blows up Aunt Marge, Dumbledore decides it's not safe for Harry to spend the rest of the summer at the Leaky Cauldron, and instead sends him to stay at Spinner’s End with Professor Snape. It's tense, awkward, and teeming with misunderstandings...but it might be the best thing that's happened to either of them. They're both been without a family for a very long time.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Dumbledore

Relationships: Harry & Snape

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: traumatized Harry, miscommunications, Snape adopts Harry, sickfic

*complete* [part of series, incomplete, last updated 2020]

The Freak Who Lived by DeviantHufflepuff, Zaharya

Plot: When Harry's name comes out of the Goblet of Fire, he is kicked out of Gryffindor Tower by those he thought of as friends. It isn't until Snape finds him that the truth comes out about The Boy Who Lived.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Pomfrey, McGonagall, Viktor Krum, Fleur, Cedric, Draco, Neville, Blaise

Relationships: Sirius/Remus; Harry & Snape; Harry/Blaise

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, implied/referenced child abuse, PTSD, trauma induced age regression (not intense), suicidal thoughts

Tags: book 4, Severitus, Snape adopts Harry, panic attacks, seer Luna, Harry needs a hug, McGonagall is basically Harry’s mom, manipulative Dumbledore but he’s not evil, big brother Draco

My Notes: Snape is pretty cuddly in this one, he’s not shy with feelings and showing Harry that he’s loved which is nice and a nice change from other Severitus fics. Don’t be off-put by the age regression tag, it’s super low-key, there’s only a couple throw-away lines about it.

*incomplete* [last updated February 2021]

Dudley Dursley’s Most Unexpectedly Fortunate Flower by aTasteofCaramell

Plot: Dudley Dursley is leading a perfectly normal life, his contact with his odd cousin limited to Christmas cards and peculiar memories. Until his daughter sneezes and sets the curtains on fire.

Characters: Harry, Dudley, Dudley’s children, Petunia and Vernon Dursley

Relationships: Dudley & Harry; Harry/Ginny

Warnings: none

Tags: humor, Dudley has a magical child, redeemed Dudley, post-series, Petunia and Vernon still suck, Harry Potter Next Generation

*complete*

Unexpected Consequences by Siebenschlaefer

Plot: The Ministry letter after the Dementor attack has far greater consequences than everybody could have anticipated and at the start of his fifth year in Hogwarts Harry has to be sorted again. And this time there is no negotiating with the Sorting Hat.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Draco, Dumbledore, Hermione, Sirius, Lupin, Blaise, Ron

Relationships: Snape & Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Slytherin Harry, resorting

*incomplete* [last updated March 2021]

Stinging Nettle and Milking Pails by Oceanbreeze7 *favorite*

Plot: Are you a witch or / Are you a fairy? / Or are you the wife / of Michael Cleary? “The fairies will do wicked things sometimes,” Harry murmured gently, “Steal the milk when they get a chance, or skim the cream off the milk crocks.” “Do they ever steal anything more?” Luna asked him rhetorically. Harry couldn’t answer.

Characters: Harry, Luna, James, Lily

Warnings: author chose not to use warnings

Tags: wrong-boy-who-lived, Harry has a twin, dark fairy tale elements, fairy tale style, druids, fae and fairies, James and Lily live

My Notes: Oceanbreeze7 should straight up be a horror writer. This is the writer who wrote Antithesis, the fic that I was literally unable to finish because I was too heartbroken, and they did not disappoint with this one! It’s so good! It’s so horrific! It’s so heartbreaking!

*complete*

Sarcasm and Slytherin by orphan_account *favorite*

Plot: After ten years of misery with the Dursleys, Harry Potter learns that he has magic. Except, in this story, it's not a surprise-the only surprise is that there are others like him. Including his twin brother, Julian Potter, the savior of the Wizarding world. This isn't the Harry you think you know.

Characters: Harry, Theo, Blaise, OMC, Hermione, Ron, Neville, James Potter, Luna, Daphne, Snape, Dumbledore

Relationships: none

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: wrong-boy-who-lived, Slytherin Harry, Harry has a twin, Slytherin politics, no pairings before 4th year, potential Dumbledore bashing, James bashing, potential Snape bashing, Draco’s still annoying

My Notes: I’m not sure why it’s now an orphan account or if it will ever be updated, but I’ve seen a lot of people on reddit compare this with Prince of Slytherin (a series I haven’t read because I chose this one over it) so be cautious of that. I straight up want to murder James Potter, though, so that’s a nice thought. I finally finished it! I started this back in early June and I miss it a lot, I spent many hours reading this.

*incomplete* [five parts, last updated 2019]

The ones that seek and find (six years in the relationship of harry and luna) by Terapsina

Plot: By chance of fate Harry Potter meets Luna Lovegood in his second year instead of his fifth. It doesn’t really change anything for the magical world at large but it changes quite a lot for the young witch and wizard themselves. Here are six glimpses into their relationship from the moment they meet until the end of the war.

Characters: Harry, Luna, Ron, Hermione

Relationships: Luna/Harry; Harry & Ron & Hermione

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, canonical character death

Tags: fluff and angst, blood quill, angst with a happy ending, no character bashing, epilogue what epilogue

*complete*

Blame it on the Nargles by Pixiestick_cc

Plot: One kiss under the mistletoe changes everything for Harry and Luna.

Characters: Harry, Luna, Hermione, Ron, Lavender Brown, Xenophilius Lovegood, Fred and George, Percy

Relationships: Luna/Harry

Warnings: none

Tags: fluff, romantic friendship, kissing, book 6

My Notes: this one is so cute, I’ve read it five times already, Harry’s able to see the creatures Luna can when he kisses her!

*complete*

Finders, Keepers by Magi_Silverwolf

Plot: “I’m here to kidnap you,” Luna said. “Will you be so kind as to get in this trunk, please?” “I’m fairly certain that kidnappers aren’t supposed to politely ask you to go with them.” “Duly noted,” Luna commented before gesturing to the trunk again. “Get in, Harry. We have a schedule to keep.”

Characters: Harry, Dumbledore, Luna

Relationships: Luna/Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: book 5, fairy Luna, werewolf Remus, magically powerful Harry, manipulative Dumbledore

*complete*

Not Right For Him by JJ Rust

Plot: How will Hermione react when she learns Harry and Luna are together?

Characters: Hermione, Luna, Harry

Relationships: Harry/Luna

Warnings: none apply

Tags: romance, drama

*complete*

The dreamy one by Levi Snowfractal

Plot: Harry finds himself thinking about Luna Lovegood while in detention.

Characters: Harry, Luna

Relationships: Harry/Luna

Warnings: none apply

Tags: romance

*complete*

She Made Him Feel Silly by ArtemisRoseShadow

Plot: The hero usually fell in love with the ever-so-loved princess. It still felt like that to Harry.

Characters: Harry, Luna

Relationships: Harry/Luna

Warnings: none apply

Tags: romance, drama

*complete*

Oh thank god I finished that, that took three hours. Alright check out more of my recs, I have more! Thanks for reading, let me know if you read any of them :)

[thevalleyisjolly]

Transpacific Stories Rec List!

Happy Lunar New Year!  To celebrate, I thought I’d do a “Top 5″ rec list of creative works that I really enjoy by transpacific Asian creators.

1. diaspora babies by Kai Cheng Thom (poem)

This spoken word poem haunts me to this day.  There’s a lot of immigrant (especially Chinese immigrant) emotions mixed up with queer experiences as a child of immigrants, and the vibes are truly just indescribable.  It cannot be expressed, only felt, so link is to the 4 minute video with captions.

2. Yellow Peril: Queer Destiny by Love Intersections (documentary)

A documentary about Vancouver drag artist Maiden China, which also features lines from diaspora babies!  It is all about that queer Chinese immigrant experience, discussing the nuances of both individually and together.  What is it like to be a Chinese immigrant, or the child of Chinese immigrants, in a North American society?  What is it like to be queer?  What is it like where those two parts of you intersect? 

I had the chance to meet one of the directors on this project and listen to his guest seminar, and the story behind this documentary and the production house came from an incident where some members of the local Chinese Canadian community launched a very public opposition to LGBTQ+ policies by the school board.  The news media of course went into a frenzy over this, and the producers noticed how the story was framed as “the Chinese community is “traditional” to the point of homophobia” (which...yes, there was homophobia involved, but not because of an innate “traditional Chinese are all homophobic” quality).

The documentary creators wanted to unpack, explore, and challenge this, and also to assert that queer Chinese people exist, which is exactly what the documentary does.  It showcases a variety of different relationships and interactions that queer Chinese people have - with their families, their immigrant communities, their heritage traditions, their broader Western society.  It’s a really complex and nuanced discussion, and one of the best documentaries I’ve ever watched.

3. Disappearing Moon Cafe by SKY Lee (novel)

Oh, you thought I was done with the queer Chinese immigrant theme?  Absolutely never.  This is a landmark book in the history of Chinese Canadian publishing - it was the first novel by a Chinese Canadian author to ever be mass distributed by a publishing house (SKY Lee is a lesbian, so first queer Chinese Canadian author as well!)  It follows the story of the Wong family across four generations, discussing themes such as settler colonialism and the roles and relationships that Chinese immigrants had and have with that, migration, family, and the nature of queerness in a non-Western context.

(I do have a whole essay talking about how understandings of queerness are frequently grounded in Western perspectives and how SKY Lee challenges and reframes non-heteronormativity in a uniquely Chinese immigrant context.  But also, you will totally ship Kae and Hermia.   You just will)

A deeply emotional, intense exploration of Chinese Canadian immigration, from its history to its experiences, good and bad and everything in between.  Truly, this may be a fictional novel, but the research is so well done, and if not every detail is historically accurate, the emotional truth of it is.  An excellent book that gives you so much food for thought.

4. A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki (novel)

One of the most intense books I’ve ever read, and am still thinking about years later.  I can’t speak to the accuracy of the experiences it represents, but it is a book that will make your heart ache and long and wonder. 

The premise: Ruth, a Japanese American novelist, discovers debris from the 2011 Japanese tsunami washed up on the cost of British Columbia.  One of these is a Hello Kitty lunchbox containing the diary of a girl named Nao.  Nao is a Japanese American teenager whose family had to relocate back to Japan.  She struggles with living in a foreign culture, family struggles and mental health issues, and severe bullying.  However, she also meets her great grandmother, a Buddhist monk over a hundred years old who was an anarchist, feminist, and novelist in her youth.  In documenting her great grandmother’s story in her diary, Nao comes to tell her own.  The novel goes back and forth between Ruth translating the diary and wanting to learn more about Nao, and Nao’s story (and her great grandmother’s) as documented in the diary. 

One of my favourite aspects of this book is the way it plays with perspective.  What is a story?  Who is telling it?  How is a story created and changed by every person who touches it?  What does it mean for a story to end?  Fair warning, there are some very heavy topics dealt with in this book, including depression, suicide, attempted sexual assault, and grooming.  It is a very good book, but please look after your own well-being first. 

5. M. Butterfly by David Henry Hwang (1988 play)

You know the opera, Madame Butterfly?  The racist Orientalist story of the white American Navy officer who goes to Japan, marries a Japanese girl for convenience, abandons her and their child for an American wife, and then she kills herself because she’s so in love with him that she can’t bear it?  Man, just typing that out pissed me off, and it sure pissed off David Henry Hwang too.  So let me tell you what he did about it.

There was a historical incident where a French diplomat, Bernard Boursicot, was caught in a honeypot trap by the Chinese spy Shiu Pei Pu, who was a Chinese opera singer.  For those who are unaware, Chinese opera singers are traditionally men.  Boursicot was unaware of this.  He had a decades long affair with Shiu Pei Pu, who identified themselves as female to him, and they eventually lived together as a family with a child.  It wasn’t until Boursicot was caught smuggling documents and put on trial that he found out Shiu Pei Pu was AMAB.

M. Butterfly is a play based off of this story, with explorations of Orientalism and how Song Liling (the play’s Shiu Pei Pu) was able to exploit racist beliefs and tropes such as “yellow fever” to win the heart and confidence of René Gallimard (the play’s Boursicot).   There’s a monologue in the original 1988 play (I’m not sure if it’s in the 2017 revision though) that Song delivers in the first few scenes of the play that explicitly addresses and tears apart the original Madame Butterfly story (which makes Song’s later use of it to seduce Gallimard all the more spicy - dude, they literally told you from the beginning why they hate the story, and you still believe that they want to be your docile little Butterfly?)  The overall play is a fantastically clever deconstruction of truly so much Orientalism and really challenges how Westerners perceive and depict Asian (especially East Asian) people.

A note on gender in this story: When the play was first performed in 1988, Song Liling’s character is AMAB and largely identifies as a man, with the strong subtext that he enjoys presenting as feminine.  Since 1988, Hwang has acknowledged that the gender reveal of the original play reinforces gender binaries, and has expressed the desire to revise his depiction of gender in the play to encompass genderfluid/GNC identities, which he did in the 2017 Broadway revival.  I have not seen the new version of the play, in which Song identifies themselves as AFAB and male presenting to Gallimard, so I can’t judge how it was handled.  I’ve heard that 2017 Song embraces a more explicitly genderfluid identity, but cannot confirm this.  The 2017 revision is based off of new information revealed about the Boursicot case, including that Shiu Pei Pu initially introduced themselves to Boursicot as someone AFAB who was presenting as male. 

[linkspooky]

Frankenstein and the Monster

So there is loads of speculation on a connection between Dabi and Frankenstein’s monster. There are several people who have already commented on it, here, here, and even here. (These are all the ones I could dig up recently). Frankenstein is a novel that can be read in many ways, but I believe the themes of the novel parallels and helps illustrate the relationship between Ujiko, Endeavor and Dabi.

1. Endeavor and Victor Frankenstein

To very briefly touch upon the novel for those who haven’t read it, there are several differences between Boris Karloff’s movie depiction and the original novel. In the novel the creature is intelligent, well spoken, and a reflection of the Doctor Frankenstein himself. To summarize quickly, Frankenstein a very dramatic undergrad student discovers the secret to reviving the dead, uses that to create a monster, then upon seeing how ugly it is flees. The monster grows up in isolation, is spurned by every human he comes across, and then returns to his master and says he will kill everyone the Doctor Loves unless he creates him a mate. Frankenstein destroys the mate, and then the monster destroys his wife to be on the night of their wedding then they chase each other around in the arctic until both of them die. If that wasn’t a sufficient enough summary, this crash course video is a good writeup of the book and it’s themes. 

Frankenstein has a lot to say about science and treading in god’s domain, but it’s also written by a woman who was a teenager at the time (Mary Shelley) who existed in a soical circle of adult men who were much older than her. Just as much as it’s a novel about mad science gone wrong, there are strong themes of feminism, parenthood, and abuse intertwined in the novel. 

Another popular reading is to interpret “Frankenstein” autobigraophically, a reading that was encouraged via 1970s feminist criticism of the novel. Earlier readings along those lines centered Frankenstein as a tale of monstrous birth and look to Mary Shelley’s own experiences with birth, which were pretty terrible.

Mary Shelley’s mother died when giving birth to her, and Mary and Shelley’s own first child, a daughter, died when she was just a few weeks old. And in her journal Mary recounted an incredibly sad dream about this daughter. “Dream that my little baby came to life again; that it had only been cold and that we rubbed it before the fire and lived.”  [Crash Course: Frankenstein]

This is just some background information to add context to your reading. Percey Shelley first met Mary when she was 14, and eloped with her when she was 16 and already pregnant with his child (he was around 24 at the time). Not only that but Percey was married at the time when he eloped with Mary, and his wirst wife did not take it well. 

Harriet (Westbrook) Shelley was Percy Shelley's first wife. While he was still married to her, he ran off with Mary Shelley, leaving Harriet pregnant and alone with their first child. She committed suicide on November 9, 1816 by drowning herself in Serpentine. [x]

As I said these details are all to add context to Mary Shelley’s life while she was writing Frankenstein. A book in which most of the female characters are severely mistreated and harmed. 

There are some pretty feminist critiques to Frankenstein. For instance, the novel clearly shows what harm comes to women (and family and relationships) when men pursue single-minded goals. In fact thanks to Victor’s lack of work life balance pretty much all of the women in this novel die. Victor’s creation of the monster leads to the hanging of the servant Justine the murder of Victor’s bride Elizabeth on their wedding night. [Crash Course: Frankenstein]

To put it as frankly as possible (Haha, get it because frankenstein) there are several points in the novel in which both Victor and Frankenstein act like fuckboys. 

You could easily read the story as one of male entitlement. Victor in the first place, deliberately refers to his bride to be Elizabeth as a possession and says it as a term of affection. 

And when, on the morrow, she presented Elizabeth to me as her promised gift, I, with childish seriousness, interpreted her words literally and looked upon Elizabeth as mine—mine to protect, love, and cherish. All praises bestowed on her I received as made to a possession of my own. We called each other familiarly by the name of cousin. No word, no expression could body forth the kind of relation in which she stood to me—my more than sister, since till death she was to be mine only.

His actions towards Elizabeth in the novel are also, extremely neglectful. Elizabeth spends the novel passively waiting for him to return and marry her, but Victor has a habit of disappearing from her life for long periods at a time with no contact at all in pursuit of his endeavors. (Get it because I’m comparing Victor to Endeavor). 

Elizabeth is someone he feels entitled to own, and entitled to her love (he literally thinks his parents gave him to her) and yet Victor never takes responsibility for Elizabeth and her feelings too wrapped up in his own. When Elizabeth is grieving for the losses of her family, Victor has a tendency to leave her alone to go off to sulk on his own. Elizabeth even pleads multiple times for Victor to come home, to offer some support for the rest of the family with his mere presence and Victor delays these returns home as long as possible. 

“Get well—and return to us. You will find a happy, cheerful home and friends who love you dearly. Your father’s health is vigorous, and he asks but to see you, but to be assured that you are well; and not a care will ever cloud his benevolent countenance.

This treatment also extends to the rest of Victor’s family, who are people he seriously neglects throughout the novel, and also people who are the direct sufferers of the consequences of his actions. His youngest brother is killed, the maid is framed for the murder, Elizabeth dies on the wedding night, Clerval his closest friend is killed, and his father dies soon afterwards of old age / implied grief. 

The monster who Victor creates is also a reflection of him. After knowing the suffering it is to be created as a creature with no family, and no place of belonging he then instructs Victor to make him a woman. A woman that will have no choice but to love him because they will be the only two alone in the world. The monster, also feels entitled to feminine love because he is lonely, with no thought to whether or not the second monster might have feelings, opinions or her own, or might not even like him. 

“You must create a female for me, with whom I can live in the interchange of those sympathies necessary for my being.  This you alone can do; and I demand it of you as a right which you must not refuse.” 

The recurring theme is this: a sense of male entitlement, without a sense of responsibility. What do I mean by Male Entitlement? 

Male entitlement is a product of traditional societal norms. It is cultivated in men as they join a society which usually favors them over the other genders in their careers, relationships, character-standing, and more.   There’s more on it here, and the role of male entitlement in abuse. 

Male entitlement is an attitude where men believe they are entitled to power over others, and/ or ownership of the women and children in their lives. Victor calls Elizabeth a possession given to him, and neglects her throughout most of the book. The monster believes he deserves to have a woman to love him. It’s not masculinity. Masculinity is just masculinity. It’s the belief that they are entitled to power or ownership over others simply because they are men born in a society that favors men. Male entitlement can show up in say, a father who believes he is entitled to the love of his children despite never doing any of the actual work of childrearing and pushing it all on the mother. Believing they deserved to be loved simply for being a father, while being absolutely absent for their lives. GUESS WHAT HAPPENS IN FRANKENSTEIN. 

So, a lot of people interpret Frankenstein as a story of ambition gone wrong, but that interpretation feels like it’s missing something if you don’t include the feminist angle. Frankenstein when doing his mad scientist undergrad bit speculates how he would be a father of a new species. It is specifically, fatherhood accomplished without a mother. That this new species would owe him love. 

A new species would bless me as its creator and source; many happy and excellent natures would owe their being to me. 

An undeniable part of Victor’s motivation is that as the sole creator the child would owe him all of their love. I mean to once again connect this to abuse narratives how many real life parents believe their children have to love them no matter how poorly they treat them? 

No father could claim the gratitude of his child so completely as I should deserve theirs. 

Victor in the novel wants not only fatherhood, but also motherhood. He wants to create life which in victorian society at the time is the role of the woman. And yet at the same time, he doesn’t want to do any of the actual work of motherhood and the roles typically described to women. 

We can read the novel as an exploration of what happens when men fear, distrust, or devalue women so much that they attempt to reeproduce without them. In some ways Victor is trying to bypass the feminine altogether. He’s creating life without recourse to egg or womb.  [Crash Course: Frankenstein] 

Victor creates, and then proceeds to take no responsibility for his creation. He abandons the child for the most shallow of reasons (because it was ugly and looked scary), then leaves a sentient, thinking creature with no idea who it was, or why it was alive in the middle of the mountains hoping it starves to death on his own so he doesn’t have to deal with it. 

but now that I had finished, the beauty of the dream vanished, and breathless horror and disgust filled my heart. Unable to endure the aspect of the being I had created, I rushed out of the room and continued a long time traversing my bed-chamber.

Victor is the creatures parent, but takes no responsibility as a parent for raising the creature. In fact the child is punished when they are still an innocent, just for not turning out the way their creator intended. 

Frankenstein is a novel which portrays consistently men who aspire to greatness as described in their society (scientific invention, and in the framing device arctic exploration) but who consistently fail everyone in their lives at the most basic levels. In other words as Lizzo said, “Why men great, till they gotta be great.” 

This is where the fire comes in. The original post talks about dichotomy of fire as something that both helps and harms. Fire is a symbol in this book that can be read two different ways, and I think special context should be given to the subtitle of the story. “The Modern Prometheus”, a story which in classical times is a story of hubris where Prometheus steals fire from the heavens and is punished for it. Hubris in the classical greek sense means that a human acting like they know better than the gods. However, the story has a different interpretation in the Romantic / Enlightenment era where Prometheus is seen as a heroic figure stealing fire away from the gods to give knowledge to mankind. 

Fire in the book represents both. Victor is someone who has hubris, he assumes he’s a father who deserves the love of a child and sole responsbility for the creation of another being (effectively making him god), but abandons the creature literally five minutes after finishing him and makes no real attempt to take any effort in raising what is effectively his child. It’s also a story about Victor having ambitions to be great, and to do what no man has done before him. I don’t think the story emphasizes that ambitions are bad, but rather the dual nature of ambition as something like fire, something that can either warm or harm. 

He came upon a fire “which had been left” by humans (Vol. II, Ch. III), so a human tool left in nature. He was “overcome with delight” and joy, but touching it brought him pain. “How strange, [he thinks], that the same cause could produce such opposite effects!” He has learned the dichotomy of flame – to save and to hurt. [x]

Okay, now that we’re done witht hat extremely long essay on an english novel let’s actually talk about the manga where a goth stuck in his rebellious teenage phase tries to light his dad on fire. 

I’m going to be comparing the novel to Dabi and Endeavor in two aspects. 

Male entitlement, believing you deserve the love of a child without acting responsibly as a father. 

Fire, ambition as something that both helps and burns. 

Victor and Endeavor both are characters that decide to create children for very self serving reasons, and treat their families for the majority of their lives as tools to their own ambition. Endeavor wants a child that will carry out his ambitions for him, that he can live vicariously through. It’s not even an interpretation it’s directly stated text. 

Endeavor’s mad science also literally has him treat the woman in his life as tools to use for his own amibition. He fores a marriage on a woman to use her as an unwilling accessory to his eugenics project. 

It is not specifically a story of ambition got wrong, it’s also a story of neglect and abuse of all the women in his life. Endeavor’s ambitions all center around personal greatness for him. Shoto will prove his worth as a hero, as a mentor to him, as a great father. The fact that his motives are entirely selfish, (Endeavor is not focused on being the best hero he can be, but rather his own desire to be the strongest) is something that has an affect on his family and children. 

Fuyumi, Touya, and Natsuo are literally afterthoughts to Endeavor despite being just as much his children as Shoto. He literally only thinks of Rei in the context of “I needed her to give me a family.” Not only that but he’s also an extremely bad father to the one child that he does take an active role in trying to parent, acting extremely controlling towards Shoto and getting extremely angry whenever Shoto did anything that was outside of Endeavor’s wishes for Shoto to fulfill his ambitions. 

Endeavor just like Victor, inspires to greatness as a man and wants the signifiers of that as held up by society, accomplishment (Endeavor wants to be the number one rank even though he technically has far more resolved cases than All Might and the rank is literally just a number), family, and recognition despite having done none of the work. Once again why men great till they gotta be great. At the start of his arc, Endeavor feels entitled to Shoto’s love and obedience, and a role in his life, despite the fact that he’s hideously abused him for most of his life. 

Endeavor like Victor, also abandons several children for failing to meet his expectations. 

Part of Natsuo’s problem with Endeavor has exactly to do this sense of entitlement, Endeavor practically abandons his kids until they’re in their  early twenties to the point where he wasn’t involved in their lives at all (and also separated them from their mother). Remember another point of the book is that Victor wants sole parenthood, to create life without involvement of a woman. 

Endeavor does the exact same thing. He separates the children from their mother. Then while he is the only parent left in the household and effectively responsible for all of his children, he neglects most of them and completely fails to raise them. 

It’s implied besides trying to teach Shoto to use his quirk, he’s literally pushed all of the housework, and actual parenting you know, labor that is involved in raising a child onto Fuyumi. Fuyumi has cooked most of Shoto’s meals, it’s Fuyumi who attends his school conference in the novels. Endeavor has effectively committed the same crime as Victor, creating life and then running away from it by failing to act in any way as the father to his own children. His sense of entitlement shows in his actions and the way he treats the people around him in his life, he uses them for his own ambitions and they get burned. 

Endeavor is someone who has used all of the women in his life for his ambitions. Think Fuyumi, she grew up desperately wanting a family while having effectively no father and all contact cut off from her mother, and also had to take care of household chores and responsibility for both of her younger brothers. Think Rei, who has literally been institutionalized for ten years, and trauma from her experiences that haunts her to this day. Natsuo is someone who has no father, almost no relationship with his younger brother, and is still mourning his other dead brother. Shoto evens tates directly, he views Endeavor as someone to learn how to use his quirk from but hasn’t viewed him once as a father. Endeavor’s never been present as a father in Shoto’s life, despite controlling most of it and giving him all of the attention. He had ambition to pass his quirk from father to son, but never actually acted as a father. 

Endeavor’s treatment of his family, and his reflection for his past actions is also shown using this metaphor for fire. All Might’s ambition to become the strongest hero for the sake of a more peaceful society, is also represented by fire. Especially a flame that he passes from one person to the next, that Nana passed to him, and he passed to Deku.  

Endeavor is almost always associated with the more violent aspect of fire, when he thinks of the harm he’s done to his family it’s always juxtaposed to the fire on his face. 

(The right side fire, the left side Rei’s suffering face.)

Whereas the more gentle associations with fire are almost made with Shoto. Once again the novel of Frankenstein doesn’t decry ambition, it merely explores the consequences of ambitions that were extremely self-interested from the start. Endeavor only wanted to be strong for his own sake. Shoto who wanted to become a hero like All Might who would never make his mother cry, and All Might who wanted to create a safer society are people with strong ambitions that are associated with gentler flames. 

2. Dabi and Frankenstein’s Monster

Sins of the Father or Sins of the Fathers derives from biblical references primarily in the books Exodus, Deuteronomy, and Numbers to the sins or iniquities of one generation passing to another. Basically what it means is its a narrative trope where children are punished or suffer consequences for the action of their fathers. It can also mean that children inevitably reflect what their fathers have done to them, and even resemble their fathers. 

Everything the monster does is a reflection of Frankentstein’s actions. Everything Dabi does is both a consequence and a reflection of Endeavor’s actions. They are both written as sons to be narrative foils to their creator. If anything Dabi is even more of a frankenstein’s monster than Shoto, because a key element to the narrative is that Frankenstein was abandoned for not being perfect according to his creator’s wishes, he was punished for a defect. 

Touya just like frankenstein is a defective creation. One who suffers all of the consequences for what are his father’s sins. Endeavor deliberately took risks with his eugenics experiment that the child might have a quirk not compatible with their body, but it’s the child and not the parent who suffers all of the consequences. Toya literally died - whether he faked his death or not has yet to be revealed but he lost his home and family at a young age, spent most of his life homeless, and has to continually make use of a quirk that burns his entire body. Whether he wants them or not, his father’s sins are pushed onto Dabi. 

The flame that Endeavor is so keen on passing to his children, has literally permanently disabled Dabi, and will negatively effect him for the rest of his life. Consequences that Endeavor ought to suffer are passed onto Dabi instead. Dabi is burned by Endeavor’s actions towards him. 

This is once again something deliberately brought up by the book Frankenstein. The doctor creates life, takes absolutely no responsibility and leaves his creature to starve to death in the wilderness, and then the first time they meet again calls upon his creation to die. 

“I expected this reception,” said the dæmon. “All men hate the wretched; how, then, must I be hated, who am miserable beyond all living things! Yet you, my creator, detest and spurn me, thy creature, to whom thou art bound by ties only dissoluble by the annihilation of one of us. You purpose to kill me. How dare you sport thus with life?

The decision to create life irresponsibly was Victor’s, but the  person who suffers the brunt end of the consequences is not Victor, but rather the creature itself who just like Dabi has no home, and is constistently hurt by the environment around him. 

Dabi is also a symbol of the worst possible aspects of Endeavor’s ambitions. 

To compare Victor and the monster briefly. Victor

Has family / friends 

Home / Money / Wealth

Arrogant / Well Educated 

Self-Destructive 

A tool

The Monster

Abandoned

Ignorant (at first)

Homeless

A tool, but a more sympathetic one.

As you can see they are societally complete opposites. This can be said for Endeavor as well, he still gets to keep his family, his place in society despite what he’s done, he’s wealthy, succesful and well-liked in his community. Dabi is permanently disabled because of something his father did, is legally dead, homeless, separated from his family, and is a villain. 

While they are completely opposite in status, the monster and Victor are eerily similiar. They are both highly intelligent people who carry a strong ambition within them. The Monster basically learns speech, and reading all on his own, and as soon as he can be becomes as well-read as possible. 

Fortunately the books were written in the language, the elements of which I had acquired at the cottage; they consisted of Paradise Lost, a volume of Plutarch’s Lives, and the Sorrows of Werter. The possession of these treasures gave me extreme delight; I now continually studied and exercised my mind upon these histories, whilst my friends were employed in their ordinary occupations.

The monster also shares several of his father’s sin. He repeats the sins that have been done on to him, in the name of vengeance. Frankenstein’s claim is that he was hurt when he was still an innocent, punished before he had done anything wrong, but he also does the exact same thing to VIctor’s youngest brother killing him when he was just a child. 

Victor’s worst sin by far is selfish entitlement, forgetting to consider the feelings of his creation. Yet, the monster knowing how much he suffered by just being created in a world where there’s no one else like him also demands Victor create another creature. This is out of his own personal sense of entitlement, he believes he’s entitled to have someone love him, and if he had this he would be a good person again. 

He believes quite literally he deserves an Eve to share his loneliness in. His own personal feelings of grief and hurt matter more than those of: one the people he kills, and two a potential woman who would be created only to love him. 

But it was all a dream; no Eve soothed my sorrows nor shared my thoughts; I was alone. I remembered Adam’s supplication to his Creator. But where was mine? He had abandoned me, and in the bitterness of my heart I cursed him.

The monster also feels entitled to punish Frankenstein, but in this reccuring sins of the fathers he punishes people who are completely innocent of the crime that Frankenstein did to him and have nothing to do with his creation, just to get back at Frankenstein. Including, an innocent boy, a maid who he framed for murder, Frankenstein’s friend, and also Elizabeth. 

Dabi inevitably reflects his father and the environment he was raised in, and resembles him. Dabi who was raised by a quirk supremacist and thrown out because his quirk wasn’t good enough, kills people he doesn’t find worthy. Dabi’s methods are almost entirely based around his his individual strength because he was raised to believe that was the only good part of him. The same way Dabi was thrown out like burnable trash for failing to live up to his standards, Dabi will enact harsh vigilante justice and kill minor crimminals and heroes who fail to live up to his justice. 

Just like for the monster’s actions in punishing Victor, Dabi is called to consider the feelings of family’s of the people he kills. He is also punishing people completely unrelated to what happened to him, in his efforts to hold his father accountable. 

Dabi reflects his father, and quirk society the same things that burned him. He continually believes he has to be the strongest individually, accomplish everything on his own, and spurn others around him. Even those who try to make genuine connections with him like the league of villains. Dabi believes that the world has to be changed with the strength of ambitions of a single person, and his ambitions are far more important than the sense of family within the league. 

Dabi effectively distances himself from two families, the found family of the league, and also his original biological family. Think about how much it might save Natsuo to lean that his brother is still alive. Shoto at least, doesn’t want to see his father roasted alive on live television. 

Dabi’s ambitions are as self destructive as his fathers, as he only knows how to fight by completely burning his body up. He harms himself over and over again by using his quirk to try to change things. 

3. Endeavor and Ujiko

The book ultimately poses the question who is responsible for the actions of the monster, Frankenstein or the Monster itself. However, I think an element missed in a lot of analysis is that the mosnter accepts that most of what he has done is wrong, he just wants people to be held equally accountable for their actions. 

“You, who call Frankenstein your friend, seem to have a knowledge of my crimes and his misfortunes. But in the detail which he gave you of them he could not sum up the hours and months of misery which I endured wasting in impotent passions. For while I destroyed his hopes, I did not satisfy my own desires. They were for ever ardent and craving; still I desired love and fellowship, and I was still spurned. Was there no injustice in this? Am I to be thought the only criminal, when all humankind sinned against me? Why do you not hate Felix, who drove his friend from his door with contumely? Why do you not execrate the rustic who sought to destroy the saviour of his child? 

The monster’s problem is not that he shouldn’t be held accountable for his actions, but rather that he’s the only one whose ever held accountable for his actions. The Monster also spends most of the narrative being treated as a monster, whereas Frankenstein faces no real consequences for what he’s done from the people around him, never loses his standing in society, never is cast out for his wrongs. Frankenstein continually avoids any and all responsibility towards the monster up until his death, and only takes responsibility in violently trying to kill his creation. 

There are also oppurtunities for Frankenstein to take responsibility, which he chooses not to do anything. An innocent maid is about to be executed for a crime that Frankenstein knows she did not commit, and instead of trying to help her by explaining to everyone his creation of the creature, and also that the creature is likely responsible for the murder he says nothing. While not responsible for the women’s death, he is culpable in that he could have taken action to save her but didn’t. 

Franketnstein’s actions are again and again always to run away from the monster and avoid responsibility. From the beginning he runs away from the monster due to it simply being ugly. Both the monster (and also Toya) were punished when they were innocent children who had not committed any kind of crime, by the person who was responsible for raising them, educating them, and giving them everything they needed to become happy adults. 

“Remember that I am thy creature; I ought to be thy Adam, but I am rather the fallen angel, whom thou drivest from joy for no misdeed. Everywhere I see bliss, from which I alone am irrevocably excluded. I was benevolent and good; misery made me a fiend. Make me happy, and I shall again be virtuous.”

While Frankenstein and the Monster both entitled, their reasons for entitlement come from entirely different places. Frankenstein’s comes from his own arrogance, believing that he’s destined to do great things, and be a man of status and accomplishment. Why men great till they gotta be great. 

The monster believes he’s entitled to a family, because his father abandoned him, and he’s been homeless most of his life. The monster is violent, but only after he’s endured violence from people several times over. The monster is ultimately a victim of circumstance, and Frankenstein is the one who created that circumstance. 

Considering Frankenstein and the monster are foils, there’s a reason that Frankenstein fears and abhors the monster before it’s even awake. It’s because the monster reflects the ugliness of his own actions. The ugliness in himself that he is completely unable to face. He is a negative character foil in a character sense, and a shadow created by Frankenstein’s actions. 

The monster shows Victor what he is, selfish, entitled, and violent. Victor can’t ever confront the monster, because he can never confront those flaws within himself. 

Dabi is a reflection of Endeavor’s violent, abusive nature. He is also the direct consequence of all of Endeavor’s actions. So the question is, has Endeavor confronted the monstrous side of his actions? The answer is most likely no, because despite doing things as bad as any villain in the story he still views himself as the hero.

Shoto even tells us directly. Endeavor the hero and Endeavor the father are so different they’re almost like two different people. Endeavor continuing to be a hero on the television and coming home to his family is not taking repsonsibility for his actions, not truly, because he still hasn’t accepted the worst of what he’s done. 

In the narrative Endeavor currently feels guilt, and also a desire to atone but we’re also told again and again that atoning means taking responsibility and carrying everything. No building a house where his family doesn’t have to be around him and taking steps to distance himself isn’t taking full resposnibility because Dabi is still running around. Dabi is the embodiment of the absolute worst of Endeavor’s actions, the toxic environment that literally killed Toya, burned Shoto, and hospitalized Rei. I would say Endeavor still hans’t seen the worst of his actions because he still views himself as the hero, just the hero who has made mistakes. We’re shown this in foiling, the same way Fankenstein rejects the monster, Endeavor doesn’t recognize Dabi even though he is literally his own son. 

The strongest evidence of this is Endeavor and Ujiko’s foiling. They are two characters who have a lot in common, they both used children as experiments in their attempts to create stronger quirks including their own family members (Ujiko experimented on his own nephew). 

They’re both men of incredible wealth and status in society, who have deliberately used their status to cover up their cimes. Endeavor used his status to hospitalize his wife for years, he used his status to marry her in the first place, Ujiko uses all of his money and resources to find people to experiment on, and deliberately takes advantage of people in need by using his orphanage and hospitals to farm for materials to make his Nomus with. 

They’re both motivated by their own personal ambitions. They also feel entitled, Ujiko’s specific issue is that the scientific community failed to give him the respect and funding for his research that he thought he was owed. 

The source of Endeavor’s pain is that no matter how hard he works he’ll never become the strongest. The source of Ujiko’s pain is that nobody recognizes his work and achievements in his scientific community. They both want their hard work to turn into achievement, for their efforts to pay off, which again is not a bad thing until they get angry when they’re not given what they think they’re owed. 

Ujiko and Endeavor both become so desperate to accomplish their ambitions that they manipulate people to become tools to fulfill their ambitions for them. Shoto has to carry on his legacy, and learn to use his flame side like Endeavor always wanted. They both create children that they are technically the parent of, but don’t act as fathers. Endeavor is responsible for Fuyumi, Natsuo, Touya, and Todoroki but fails to live up to that responsibility. Ujiko creates the Nomu, which just like the monster in Frankenstein are new life created from the corpses of other people, and then just uses them and disposes them as tools. 

Ujiko even utters a line that is incredibly similiar to Endeavor in the regards to the way they treat Shigaraki and Shoto. 

However how does Endeavor react to Ujiko? Does he understand the harm that he’s done in a new light? No, he falls back on his hero narrative. I am the hero, and Ujiko is the utlimate evil. 

Endeavor so far, like Frankenstein, fails to truly confront the monster. Even when he finally realizes the destructive nature of his desire to be stronger than anyone else when he fights the Nomu, his response is to burn it alive. What is Endeavor’s response? To play hero, and defeat a villain. 

The thing about jungian shadow arcs is that you don’t destroy your shadow, you reintegrated it.  Endeavor can’t symbolically murder his past self because that won’t make his past actions go away, he can only accept them. The question now is: will he do the same thing to Dabi? 

When confronted with who Dabi is and his role in creating Dabi, what will Endeavor’s choice be? Is he going to play the hero, and destroy the villain he sees in front of him. The same way he did with the Nomu, the same way he did with Ujiko, the same way he’s trying to do with Shigaraki (who is, you know a heavy parallel to his own son Toya, and another abused child).

Will Endeavor act as a hero, or the remorseful father he also is? That choice is utlimately what Endeavor’s entire character is written around, does he want to finally be a father or does he want to keep being endeavor the hero? What is more important to him his own ambitions as a hero, or the people he’s harmed? 

Just like Victor, Endeavor’s entire arc revolves around Dabi. He is a hero directly responsible for the creation of a villain. Dabi would not exist if it were not for Endeavor’s direct actions. Not only that but his future will be determined by how he chooses to interact with Dabi once he knows the truth. Endeavor cannot truly take responsibility until he takes responsibility for Dabi.

[killingsboys]

okay should i start the grishaverse journey and all that entails???????? give me your thoughts on the books and where to start please, i need an expert!! also hi! ily! how’s it going?

aleena!!! hello my angel, how are you doing!!!! i hope you’re doing well and staying safe !!!!! oh, the grishaverse...... i have A Lot to say about it so i’m going to put everything under the cut!!!!

first of all, i would just like to say that while i enjoyed the books and found them fun, they are not for everybody!! as all media, they have their issues so it’s good to go into them with the ability to think critically about the issues they tackle, the representation and misrepresentation of different communities, and the author’s own conscious and subconscious biases. basically, just try to stay self-aware while you’re reading!!!

secondly: everyone who reads the grishaverse has different opinions on which books they prefer. i have very strong personal opinions on the quality of each book/series, and that’s what i’m gonna tell you about here, but i definitely recommend hearing other people’s thoughts too because we each have different tastes!!

so far, the grishaverse is broken up into three different series: the grisha trilogy, the first of the series, is about alina starkov, a seventeen-year-old girl who is discovered to have the power of manipulating light (sun summoning). it follows her journey as she seeks to liberate her home country, ravka, of a wall of darkness known as the shadow fold that cuts the country in two, as well as attempting to defeat a tyrant who wants to use alina’s power for his own gain. the second series is the six of crows duology, about six teenage outcasts in the city of ketterdam who set out to complete an impossible heist but find themselves in a... change of plans, of sorts. the third series is the nikolai duology, which follows a few characters from the grisha trilogy and one of the characters from six of crows as the king of ravka attempts to overcome a darkness inside himself and to strengthen his hold on his country. 

when it comes to which order to read the books in, i recommend just starting with the first book of the grisha trilogy and going through the books in the order that they were written! but if you only want to read six of crows, you don’t have to read the grisha trilogy. 

now for the basic info on each series:

the grisha trilogy

book one: shadow and bone

book two: siege and storm

book three: ruin and rising

goodreads link

trigger warnings: graphic death, graphic violence, war, past referenced death of a parent, murder, bullying, referenced sexual abuse, animal death, classism, victim blaming, ableism, captivity/imprisonment, physical illness, graphic depictions of blood, religious fanaticism

six of crows

book one: six of crows

book two: crooked kingdom

goodreads link

trigger warnings: graphic violence, graphic death, graphic injury, fantasy drug abuse, rape/sex trafficking/CSA (not in scene; character backstory), gun violence, slavery, racism (exotification), genocide (explicit; Holocaust metaphor), animal death, parental abuse, referenced familial death, religious fanaticism

nikolai duology

book one: king of scars

book two: rule of wolves

goodreads link

trigger warnings: drug addiction, loss of a loved one, grief depiction, captivity, slavery, implied past sexual assault (numerous times & numerous characters), torture, bullying, fatphobic comments (always in a negative light), mention of past death of a baby, attempted pedophilia, suicide, animal death, ableism, religious fanaticism, and war themes (note: i have not read rule of wolves and cannot find a list of trigger warnings yet, so i will add those once i read the book myself). 

shadow & bone (netflix)

can be watched without reading any of the books!

note: this show includes a lot of anti-asian racism that is not handled well. this post discusses the particular details of it and why it is harmful.

trigger warnings: anti-asian racism, graphic violence, graphic death, captivity/imprisonment, referenced sexual abuse, graphic animal death, flashing lights, war themes, referenced parental death

anyway, i know this is a lot, so please don’t hesitate to ask more questions if you wanna know something more specific or you’d like me to elaborate on something i’ve said here!! i hope this helps you!! 💛💛

[multiverseforger]

Oroku SakiEdit

In the original comic books from Mirage Comics, Oroku Saki is the younger brother of Oroku Nagi who had been killed by a fellow ninja Hamato Yoshi (the owner of Splinter, the Turtles' mentor) in a feud over a woman named Tang Shen resulting in Yoshi fleeing with Shen to the United States.

Angry at the death of his older brother, Saki joined the Foot Clan and trained to be a ninja. He quickly became one of their deadliest warriors and rose up the ranks and was chosen to lead the Foot's American branch. Operating in New York under the name of The Shredder, Saki used the opportunity to avenge his brother by killing Yoshi and Shen. Under Saki's leadership, the Foot participated in variety of criminal activities, including drug smuggling, arms running, and assassination.

Thirteen years later Saki was challenged by the Ninja Turtles, who were the result of an accident exposing four ordinary turtles to radioactive waste. They were trained by Yoshi's pet rat Splinter, who had also been mutated by the same substance, to avenge his former master. After a lengthy rooftop battle where Saki seemed to be winning, Leonardo managed to plunge his sword through Saki's torso. Defeated, he was offered the opportunity to commit seppuku (ritual suicide), but Shredder refused and detonated a thermite grenade, in an attempt to take their lives alongside his own. But at the last second, Donatello used his bo to knock Shredder off the building to his death.

However, it was not yet the end of the Shredder. He returned on Christmas Eve seemingly resurrected with an army of Foot Ninjas severely beating Leonardo and burning down the apartment of the turtles' ally April O'Neil, forcing them to go into hiding outside the city. A year later, in the story "Return to New York", the Turtles returned to settle the score with the Shredder. Leonardo faced off against Oroku Saki alone, during which Saki revealed he was brought back to life by a technique using worms feeding on his remains and recreating his cells to reform his body. In the battle, Leonardo decapitates the villain, finally killing him, and the four turtles burn his body at the Hudson River.

Tales of the TMNTEdit

In the second volume of the anthology series Tales of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles story "Worms of Madness" it is shown that a few weeks after the events of their final battle the Shredder had yet another resurrection of sorts when a Foot mystic reactivated the worms; however, the mystic did not resurrect Saki himself but the worm colony which had gained sentience and retained Saki's memories and believing itself to be Saki. The worms then went out to find a new body and chose that of a shark. After the Foot kidnapped Splinter, the turtles managed to engage the "Shredder-Shark" in battle, defeating it by severing its connection to the mystic at which point the creature realized that it was not the real Saki.

The "Shredder-Shark" returned once more kidnapping Casey Jones's adopted daughter Shadow to lure the Turtles into a trap. With the Turtles away, it was up to Casey and Splinter to defeat it and rescue Shadow, finally killing the creature.

Other versions of the ShredderEdit

Throughout a considerable part of the Image comic series, Raphael tries to impersonate Shredder by wearing his armor. Following this, he is accepted as the leader of the Foot Clan. In later issues of the series, a mysterious Lady Shredder appears to challenge Raphael. Although the book was canceled before her identity could be revealed, writer Gary Carlson confirmed after the fact that she was meant to be Karai.[citation needed] The female ninja Pimiko from series claims to be Shredder's daughter.[5][6]

In Volume Four series, Leonardo encounters Oroku Yoshi, a Battle Nexus contestant wearing armor almost identical to that of the second animated series' Shredder. His connection to Oroku Saki and the Foot is not known, since the bi-monthly comic was ultimately cancelled in 2010. In issue 32 he was called to meet a mysterious individual who asks to bring Leo with him as well.

Archie ComicsEdit

The Archie Comics' series use the same background as the 1987 cartoon, as the first issues are identical. Later in the Archie comics, Shredder travels to the future and works with Armaggon and Verminator X to offset the skill and experience of the future versions of the Turtles.

This version of the character was more in line with the early episodes' depiction of the character as a cunning adversary and in many issues nearly proves to be a lethal enemy, coming close to defeating the turtles on a number of occasions, even aiding Armaggon and Verminator X in the defeat and capture of two of the turtles in the future. However he shows some amount of honour in the comic. His final fate within the Archie comics series remains unknown, though a three-part mini-series put out by Archie comics after the end of their regular comic series seems to indicate he remains a consistent foe to the turtles for many years, briefly restoring Splinter to the form of Hamato Yoshi and also undoing Michaelangelo's mutation, though both later revert to mutant status by the end of the story, while Shredder was left in a vegetative state in the aftermath of his final battle with the Turtles.

IDW PublishingEdit

In feudal Japan, Oroku Saki was a high-ranking member of the Foot Clan along with Hamato Yoshi. While Yoshi focused on his family, Saki surpassed him and was promoted to Jonin (leader) of the Foot.[7] After an argument on his style of leadership, Saki sent ninja to murder Yoshi's wife, Tang Shen, and later Yoshi and his four sons.

With the help of Kitsune, Saki steals regenerative ooze from an Utrom known as "The Iron Demon" (later revealed to be Krang himself[8]) which is used to preserve his body until he is awakened by his descendant Oroku Karai several centuries later in modern-day New York.[9] During his time in stasis, his spirit conquered the realm of the Afterlife, where he learned he was destined to rule the earth world and eventually return to the Afterlife as a lost soul. Knowing the future, he vows to change it by conquering the realm of the Afterlife upon his return.[10]

Shredder first appears in Micro-series #1 and in full costume on the final page of issue #9. Dan Duncan first designed Shredder with input from Mateus Santolouco and Kevin Eastman; originally wanting to depict a "beefy...monster" he decided to simplify the design and slimmed down the character based on the original Mirage design.[11]

Seeking control in his forthcoming battle for power, Shredder offers Splinter a place in his army but Splinter refuses, revealing himself to be a reincarnated Hamato Yoshi.[12] Saki then reveals his own identity and attacks Splinter, almost killing him when the Turtles arrive to rescue their father.[13] Impressed by Leonardo, he orders his capture[14] and conducts a plan involving kidnapping and stabbing Casey Jones.[15] Shredder then has Kitsune brainwash Leonardo to become his new Chunin (second-in-command)[16] and uses him for a show of strength to the criminal underworld. After the Turtles rescue Leonardo, Shredder calls a meeting with Krang and proposes an alliance in exchange for Utrom technologies, which Krang rejects. A short battle results in retreat on both sides and the revelation that Shredder had stolen some Utrom resources from Krang's compound to begin creating a mutant army (in the form of Bebop, Rocksteady, Koya and Bludgeon).[8]

In Issue #50, Shredder faced Splinter and the turtles in a final battle which he lost and briefly admitted his faults and also making Karai the new head of the Foot Clan. He was then killed by Splinter by having his sword slashed into the back of his head, killing him instantly. After his death, Shredder's body is kept in a crypt that is guarded by Jennika who was assigned by Hamato Yoshi in order to learn humility. Shredder's tomb is eventually desecrated by the witch Kitsune who plans to revive Oroku Saki in order to restore order to the Foot Clan but Splinter knew this and keeps the skull to foil her attempts.

Shredder will appear in the upcoming miniseries Shredder in Hell. In the mini-series Shredder is in the afterlife and descends into the underworld trying to find the truth of his own soul meanwhile Kitsune uses his corpse to summon her father as his host. Shredder also fought his past life Takeshi Tasuo in his inner conflict until Splinter/Hamato Yoshi later shows up to help him against the forces of Hell.

[sitpwgs]

hi coco first of all ilysm and please rest ur eyes!!!! and secondly, i know you love honeygirl and ive been meaning to read it ever since it got released, so would you mind telling me what are your favourite things about it? i know some, but i'm always down to hear more coco thoughts *cocoheart* and also, is there a song that comes to your mind when you think about it?

bie my angel !!! 🤍 i loved honey girl! i loved how it’s a coming of age story where the main character is not a teenager, but someone in their late 20s! i loved how it talked about academia and burnout and mental health! i loved the prose (although i know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea)! i just adored it !! i definitely associate it with taylor swift’s mirrorball and this is me trying! 

if you’re so inclined 🥺 you can view more of my thoughts on honey girl here !! 

come talk to me about books!

Trigger Warnings: discussion and depictions of mental illness, self-harm (scratching skin, nails digging into skin as an anxiety coping mechanism, cutting), past suicide attempt by a side character, anti-Blackness, racism, homophobia, casual alcohol consumption, minor drug use (marijuana), mentions of war, PTSD, past parent death (side character), grief, medical talk, self-destructive behavior, police, amputation (chapter 4)

[storytime-reviews]

Looking For Alibrandi Book Review

Josephine Alibrandi is seventeen, illegitimate, and in her final year at a wealthy Catholic school. This is the year her father comes back into her life, the year she falls in love, the year she discovers the secrets of her family's past and the year she sets herself free.

Rating: ★★★★

Looking For Alibrandi is a modern classic of Australian YA, a book that many read in highschool, and one I always meant to read but never got around to.

I am so glad that I finally read it, because I love Josephine and how her relationships develop and change throughout the novel, from actually having a relationship with her father, to the ways in which new information changes how she sees her mother and nonna. She is also incredibly funny, and I love that she’s always got a retort on the tip of her tongue.

Yes Josie is selfish, but over the course of the novel she comes to appreciate the perspectives of others more and comes into her own. As Josie learns the truths about others and their lives, she learns about herself as well. In particular, she realises that she not only doesn’t need to be defined by how others see her, but also that she needs to reconsider how she thinks she is seen. She is more accepted than she realises, and she has a lot in common with those she previously dismissed or hated.

Josie’s relationships with her mother and nonna are fraught with tension, and much of this is to do with her illegitimacy and how her mother was treated by the family and community for having a child out of wedlock. But regardless, it is also obvious how much she loves them even if she doesn’t always act like it, and she is often ready to go to battle in defence of her mother, even against her nonna or her father.

But my favourite has to be Josie’s developing relationship with her father, whom she first meets in the context of this novel. Neither of them are really afraid to say whatever comes to mind, and it makes for an interesting and unusual father-daughter relationship which is amusing to watch unfold. Josie’s relationships with two boys her own age are also enlightening as she tries to figure out who she is; though whilst I enjoyed the friendship of one, I didn’t feel that the relationship with the other was healthy and was glad when it ended.

Looking For Alibrandi not only depicts how a teenager reacts to the vile racist taunts and stereotypes of people her own age, but also how generations of a family, and their community, have been affected. The treatment of Italian immigrants in Australia is touched on in highschool history classes, but I did not know about Italian residents being put into camps during World War II.

Warnings: Sexism, slut shaming, racism, slurs, suicide, references to abuse, bullying, attempted sexual assault, references to drugs & underage alcohol use

[silenthillmutual]

what Classic Film(TM) you should watch based on who your fave Danganronpa 1/2 character is

disclaimer - obviously as a film dude i’m gonna say you should watch all of these. but maybe watch the one correlating to your fave first!

Makoto: 12 Angry Men (1957, dir. Sidney Lumet) - strong themes of justice, it’s about a jury trying to determine a man’s guilt. it’s basically what Makoto does for the entire game. you’ll also like it if you’re a fan of Phoenix Wright.

Sayaka: A Star is Born (1954, dir. George Cukor) - it’s all about a girl’s rise to fame and how her relationships change with that. there’s three versions of this film, most recently with Lady Gaga. 

Mukuro: Vertigo (1958, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - themes of murder and hiding your identity, losing yourself to a cause.

Leon: Animal House (1978, dir. John Landis) - a comedy about a fraternity. it’s THE college frat movie and i think Leon would enjoy it a lot.

Chihiro: WarGames (1983, dir. John Badham) - two teenagers might have accidentally started a world war during the cold war by trying to play computer games...fitting for the series, no?

Mondo: On the Waterfront (1954, dir. Elia Kazan) - struggling to do the right thing and being sort of frustrated about your circumstances as they pertain to class and missed opportunities. being dragged into bad situations by family. also Marlon Brando is a bicon and very hot in this movie.

Taka: Rebel Without a Cause (1955, dir. Nicholas Ray) - a lot of turbulent shit happens to three teenagers over the course of 24 hours. one of - if not the first canonically gay teenager on film. i think we all know by now that James Dean was mlm, but so were the director and Sal Mineo. big bi polyam vibes; if you like chishimondo as a ship you’ll probably like this film too.

Hifumi: Akira (1988, dir. Katsuhiro Otomo) - had a hard time figuring out what to put for Hifumi, but overall i think if nothing else he’d appreciate how impressive the animation was (and honestly, still is) along with the fact that the mangaka was also the director. so although there’s a lot cut out (the manga had not finished before the film came out), it’s still roughly the same plot as the manga.

Celes: Dracula (1931, dir. Tod Browning) - probably the most iconic iteration of Bram Stoker’s novel, this is the one staring Bela Lugosi. not terribly true to the novel from what i remember, but it’s peak aesthetic and exactly the kind of thing she’d enjoy.

Sakura: Rashomon (1950, dir. Akira Kurosawa) - finally getting onto films i haven’t actually seen but that are on my list. sakura’s another person i had a hard time deciding on a film for, but the “several characters telling different accounts of the same plot” reminded me a bit of her case in the game. 

Hina: West Side Story (1961, dir. Robert Wise & Jerome Robbins) - admittedly i had a different film in mind for her to start with, but Maria’s final monologue fits with Hina’s motivations during Sakura’s case.

Toko: Gone With the Wind (1939, dir. Victor Fleming) - another one i haven’t actually watched yet, but it’s based on a famous novel, described as “epic historical romance.” i think that vibes with Toko pretty well.

Byakuya: Citizen Kane (1941, dir. Orson Welles) - if you’re really interested in film, you’re gonna be made to watch this sooner or later. famous for being the “best film ever made”, it’s more or less about newspaper moguls like William Randolph Hearst - who is also the main reason why this film is famous at all. it’s not exactly a flattering depiction of those kinds of people and boy, did that ever piss Hearst off. if he hadn’t made such a big deal trying to keep Citizen Kane from seeing the light of day, something much better might have made it to the top spot. 

Hiro: The Music Man (1962, dir. Morton DaCosta) - based on the Broadway musical of the same name, a “travelling salesman” (read: con artist) starts to work his latest con on a gullible small town, but actually starts liking the people in it.

Kyoko: The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - not to be confused with the other Hitchcock film from the 30s also titled The Man Who Knew Too Much. this is the one with James Stewart and Doris Day. it’s a highly suspenseful film that gave us the song “Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be)”.

Junko: Gaslight (1944, dir. George Cukor) - ever heard the term “gaslighting”? this is where it comes from! based on a play in which a woman’s husband psychologically tortures her into believing she is going insane.

Monokuma: Duck Soup (1933, dir. Leo McCarey) - all Marx Brothers films are as utterly silly (and sometimes as incomprehensible) as one of Monokuma’s MonoTheatres. i watched about half of Duck Soup and had to stop because it was finals week and i was supposed to be doing something other than losing my shit.

Hajime: It’s a Wonderful Life (1946, dir. Frank Capra) - you probably already know this film. if you’re Christian you know it as That Film Your Parents Watch Every Year On Dec 24th Around Midnight. if you have seasonal depression, don’t watch it then; warning for suicidal ideation. it’s supposed to be uplifting. your mileage may vary on that one. 

Impostor: To Kill a Mockingbird (1962, dir. Robert Mulligan) - i don’t have a good reason to pair these two up other than gut feeling. as far as film adaptations of books go, it’s pretty damn good, and Atticus Finch is the original DILF. themes of childhood innocence and racism. 

Teruteru: Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961, dir. Blake Edwards) - apparently much different from the novella on which it is based, but i think Teruteru would really dig the aesthetic and romantic vibes of the film. Holly Golightly is probably the original Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

Mahiru: Rear Window (1954, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - like It’s a Wonderful Life, chances are good you know this film - or at least, you’ve seen its plot recycled a hell of a lot. a professional photographer recovering from a broken leg thinks he witnesses a murder take place and is determined to get to the truth.

Peko: Seven Samurai (1954, dir. Akira Kurosawa) - another one on my to-watch list, but it’s oft referenced and remade in film. a village hires seven ronin to protect them from bandits who will return to steal their crops. 

Hiyoko: East of Eden (1955, dir. Elia Kazan) - i’ll be honest here, i didn’t really know what to put for Hiyoko because i’m not sure i understand much about her, but i seem to remember her family playing a pretty big role in her being Like That and for “shitty family” the first two things to come to mind were this and Giant. and unless you like 3-hour long movies about the state of Texas, i’m not about to recommend you watch Giant.

Ibuki: A Night at the Opera (1935, dir. Sam Wood) - another Marx Bros film in which they help a girl both to be with her lover and to achieve her dreams of stardom as an opera singer. the kind of silly, manic thing i think Ibuki would like.

Mikan: The Shining (1980, dir. Stanley Kubrick) - i hate hate hate putting this on here, but since this is for film and not books i couldn’t exactly state to read the book. the book is about the cycle of abuse. the movie is more about... a trapped man going crazy in a spooky hotel. 

Nekomaru: It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963, dir. Stanley Kramer) - comedy about five groups of people racing to get to a large sum of money buried by a recently escaped convict they stopped to help out after his car crash. it’s a comedy, and just kinda seemed like Nekomaru’s thing.

Gundham: The Seventh Seal (1957, dir. Ingmar Bergman) - i watched this in like 10th grade and all i really remember is a man playing chess with Death and if that doesn’t say Gundham Tanaka to you, i don’t know what does.

Nagito: North by Northwest (1959, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - i don’t really have a reason for this one either but it’s a spy film and i think komaeda could get behind that kind of intrigue. 

Chiaki: Metropolis (1927, dir. Fritz Lang) - not to be confused with the anime, this is a 1927 German expressionist film that seems to be about socialism and unionization. it’s also famous for its (purposeful) use of the Male Gaze and being one of the first sci-fi films ever made. be warned: it is a silent film.

Sonia: Strangers on a Train (1951, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - another one of those films you’ll get told to watch if you’re interested in the queer history of film, i was gonna put something else but honestly the character of Barbara kinda reminded me of Sonia. a famous tennis player meets a man on a train who attempts to plan a double-murder with him.

Akane: My Fair Lady (1964, dir. George Cukor) - i was trying so hard not to double up on the post about musicals, but Akane really does have Eliza Doolittle vibes. they’re both feral and nothing would be able to really domesticate them. for whatever it’s worth, this film and the musical on which it is based is itself based on the play Pygmalion, in which your typical rich cishet white dude bets he can turn any street urchin into a real lady because he’s just that good. you might know the plot better as Pretty Woman.

Kazuichi: A Streetcar Named Desire (1951, dir. Elia Kazan) - i don’t really have a good excuse for this one, either; i haven’t even watched it yet (although i have read the play on which it is based). all i’m gonna say is i want Souda to have his gay awakening via Marlon Brando, as we all do.

Fuyuhiko: Casablanca (1942, dir. Michael Curtiz) - despite his love and adoration for Ingrid Bergman, Humphrey Bogart decides fighting Nazis is more important. i think Fuyuhiko would like the aesthetic, and the film. don’t let him know but i think he’d probably cry watching it.

Usami: To Sir, With Love (1967, dir. James Clavell) - issues of race and class intersecting in a film about a teacher working with inner city students. i was going to put Singin’ in the Rain here, because it’s what Usami would want people to watch...but i think this better fits the effect she wants to have as a being.