#transgender bisexuals make the world go round

[misasuns]

TRANSMASC WORF IS REAL.

[genzandulifecoach]

Gen z’s views on LGBTQ+ rights and acceptance

Gen Z is the “gayest” generation ever. Nearly 1 in 5 Gen Zers identify as a part of the queer community, compared to 1 in 10 millennials, and 3 in 100 Gen Xers, according to a national research survey. 

Gen Z is also the most accepting generation when it comes to LGBTQ+ rights. Part of this is because 1 in 5 identify as a part of that community but it’s also because they are more accepting of diverse identities than previous generations. They’re more diverse, educated, and plugged in than generations before. This contributes to Gen Z being more supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. 

A majority of this generation believes that LGBTQ+ people should have the same rights as heterosexual individuals. 59% of them believe that all government and standardized forms should have gender-neutral options or the ability to use gender-neutral pronouns. And over half think the world is not accepting enough of gender-fluid or transgender individuals. 

Knowing these facts and statistics, how can we support them? We should be striving to be more like them, despite the differences between our generations. It is vital to keep an open mind and recognize that our society is changing and evolving. 48% of Gen Z think societal change is a good thing, compared with 15% who think it’s a bad thing. 

Here are some thoughts on how educators, organizations and parents can stay open to the emerging generation:

a. Embrace change. You may not understand them entirely, or know why they feel the way they do but accepting that their thought process is different than other generations is the beginning of change. 

b. Educate yourself on Gen Z and the LGBTQ+ community. We often achieve acceptance through education – the more we know about something, the more likely we are to form well-rounded and thoughtful opinions, which can lead to greater acceptance. 

c. Talk with them. You can learn and understand most by going directly to the source. Ask questions. Be open to whatever the answer is. Welcome the generational differences, and engage with them, rather than bristling at their presence.

Strive to support them, and the LGBTQ+ community. If you’d like to learn more about GenZ, visit my blog posts on my website www.genzandu.com , and find other related educational materials, follow along with us at GenZ&U.

Sources:

Gallup. (February 22, 2023). Share of respondents who identified as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender in the United States from 2012 to 2022, by generation [Graph]. In Statista. Retrieved February 26, 2024, from https://www.statista.com/statistics/719685/american-adults-who-identify-as-homosexual-bisexual-transgender-by-generation/

Kim Parker and Ruth Igielnik, May 14th, 2020, What We Know About Gen Z So Far, Pew Researchhttps://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/05/14/on-the-cusp-of-adulthood-and-facing-an-uncertain-future-what-we-know-about-gen-z-so-far-2/

Simona Vigodner, February 16th 2016, How Acceptance Is The Result Of Your Education, The Academy Chronicle

Sustainability and ethical consumption are hot topics among GenZ. What are they, and how can leaders keep them in mind?

As leaders, we must practice sustainability. Research shows sustainable practices lead to greater employee satisfaction, better business outcomes, and resilience economically, and socially. We also know that greater sustainable practices lead to an increase in consumption; a survey showed that 71% of Gen Zers will stay loyal to brands they feel they can ethically trust.

Ethical consumption may lead to employee buy-in. When employees feel they can stand by their service or product from an ethical standpoint, they are more likely to promote it and engage in related work. Knowing Gen Z makes up 27% of the workforce, this is important to keep in mind! They also make up 40% of global consumers – and have been proven to gravitate to ethical goods; they’re willing to pay up to 15% more if they feel good about their purchase.

So what are these practices? Sustainability comprises practices supporting ecological, human, and economic health and vitality. It assumes resources are finite, and acknowledges we will not always have unlimited access. This is associated with ethical consumption; the notion people will make a habit of buying goods from ethical companies and avoid buying from unethical ones. Ethical consumption is often practiced through consumption of sustainable goods.

The outdoor clothing company Patagonia is a great example of both concepts. Patagonia emphasizes sustainability and ethical consumption and strives to make their products environmentally friendly, and their workspaces to be accommodating and supportive. As a result, of the 100 most visible brands in America, they ranked number one in strong reputation, with Gen Z respondents making up almost ⅓ of this survey.

Ethical consumption and sustainability can be difficult to practice, they are necessities when considering Gen Z and the global market. Aim to apply both to your workforce and model their tenets as leaders. If you are a leader in the workforce and would like to learn more about how to achieve this, reach out to me as I learn, coach and impact this generation and beyond.

Sources:

Francis, T., & Hoefel, F. (2018, November 12). ‘True Gen’: Generation Z and its implications. McKinsey & Company. https://www.mckinsey.com/industries/consumer-packaged-goods/our-insights/true-gen-generation-z-and-its-implications-for-companies

Rock, D. (2020, January 9). The NLI interview: Patagonia’s Dean Carter on how to treat employees .Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/davidrock/2020/01/09/the-nli-interview-patagonias-dean-carter-on-how-to-treat-employees-like-people/?sh=125ab0d7188c

Roostaie, N. Nawari, C.J. Kibert, Sustainability and resilience: A review of definitions, relationships, and their integration into a combined building assessment framework,

Building and Environment, Volume 154, 2019, Pages 132-144, ISSN 0360-1323,

https://doi.org/10.1016/j.buildenv.2019.02.042.

[columbus-oh-first]

A Monthly Get-Together

Living alone can sometimes be unbearable. To keep a well-rounded personality, people need to go out and interact a little. Check out the Cornerstone crossing apartments Columbus Ohio locals recommend if you're looking for a place to stay in the city and keep a social circle. It provides monthly events just for its residents. The complex is aware that participation in routine activities encourages its tenants' general well-being and that attending enjoyable and exciting events can elevate mood, promote mental health, and increase feelings of emotional fulfillment. These activities frequently feature special occasions, holiday gatherings, or themed events. It enables its occupants to join together, commemorate achievements, and take pleasure in these moments.

Cornerstone Village

Online purchasing has grown increasingly popular in the world we now live in. What we wish to purchase will be ours in a few days with just one easy click. Waiting for the package to come is the only downside to internet buying. When paying cash on delivery, someone must be there to accept the item. If you live in one of the modern apartments in Columbus Ohio, this will not be a problem. Package receiving is one of the complex's many amenities. Your eagerly anticipated shipment will be taken in by the personnel who are operating the front desk.

Health Stats of Columbus, OH

The air quality in Columbus, Ohio is 46 compared to the US average of 58. The score is calculated on a scale of 1 to 100, with 100 being the highest rating. It was determined using the National Air Toxics Assessment, a new set of EPA standards for hazardous air components. In comparison to the national average of 55, the city's water quality is 49. This study examines the quality of the water in the Watershed rather than the water that comes out of the faucet. The city's Superfund Index is 97, higher than the 87 average for the country. There are 275 physicians for every 100,000 residents, compared to 210 on average in the US.

Columbus Museum of Art in Columbus, OH

The Columbus Museum of Art (CMA) is one of the biggest and most well-known art museums in the state. It is home to a diverse collection of works of art from various periods, styles, and cultures. Its collection of artworks, which numbers over 10,000 pieces, spans an assortment of media, including painting, sculpture, photography, and decorative arts. These include American and European works of art from the late 19th century to the present. A rotating series of special exhibitions that highlight various themes, artistic trends, and civilizations are also hosted by the gallery. Visitors can view a variety of creative expressions through these transient exhibits, which bring in the artwork on loan from other institutions or private collections.

Thousands Gather for the 2023 Columbus Pride March and Festival

Pride Month is commemorated every year in June in a number of nations all around the world. The LGBTQ+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and other) community is honored during this period. It is observed by many activities, parades, festivals, and events that advance equality, visibility, and inclusion for those from the LGBTQ+ group. The event provides a forum for advocating for equal rights, bringing attention to the problems and difficulties that they face, and celebrating the variety of identities that make up the community. This is a moment to advocate for diversity, inform the public about their history, and aid in the ongoing campaigns for equal treatment for all people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. Read more...

Link to maps

Columbus Museum of Art 480 E Broad St, Columbus, OH 43215, United States Get on I-670 W from E Spring St and N 4th St 5 min (1.7 mi) Continue on I-670 W to N Wilson Rd. Take exit 94 from I-70 W 6 min (5.6 mi) Continue on N Wilson Rd. Take Trabue Rd to Flagstone Xing Dr 4 min (1.5 mi) Cornerstone Village 4441 Trabue Rd, Columbus, OH 43228, United States

[irvinenewshq]

Qatar World Cup Officers Anticipate LGBT Soccer Followers To Behave Themselves

Qatar World Cup LGBT Soccer Followers who’re touring from The UK to witness the Qatar World Cup matches have been requested to respect the foundations and laws of the host Nation. Qatar World Cup Countdown Begins In Midst Human Rights Controversy The FIFA World Cup 2022 will likely be performed in Qatar from Nov. 20 to Dec 18. 32 groups will likely be competing.  Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, and transgender (LGBT) individuals in Qatar face a variety of authorized challenges which others don’t. Male homosexuality is against the law in Qatar with a punishment of as much as 3 years in jail and a wonderful. Dying penalty for Muslims underneath the Sharia Legislation.  Throughout a press convention in Germany on Could 28, the Emir of Qatar Sheikh Tamim bin Hamad Al -Thani said that LGBT guests could be welcomed to the 2022 World Cup however they should respect the Nation’s tradition.  James Cleverly the Secretary of overseas affairs of the UK has mentioned that LGBT followers wanted to stick to the foundations of the Qatar Govt. once they go to look at the Qatar World Cup there. Each England and Wales have been chosen. They are going to play towards one another within the Group Matches. In the event that they progress they may play knockout video games towards one another. Al-Rayan, Al-Khor, and Doha are the venues of their matches. After the protest towards James’ remarks, the suggestions from Qatar will not be sufficient to ally the fears of the LGBT Teams. Whereas a number of the gamers like Harry Kane are defiant and can sport a rainbow band representing one love. However there are different gamers who’re a little bit apprehensive about taking part in in Qatar World Cup. Peter Tatchell of the UK was making an attempt to start out an agitation for the LGBT group however he was instantly rounded up by the police and questioned about his actions.  Many have mentioned that the UK ought to query FIFA as to the selection of the venue the place a sure part of individuals felt uneasy and afraid.  Britain has issued an advisory to all who’re touring to Qatar to rigorously comply with the foundations and laws. Originally published at Irvine News HQ

[richincolor]

QPoC Reads of 2021

It's June! Which for me means Pride Month, staying cool with endless smoothies, and posting a round-up of LGBTQ PoC young adult reads. This year, let's take a look at some YA books centering QPoC characters that came out in 2021 so far... plus a couple launching this summer! Of course, this is by no means a comprehensive list. With that said, here we go!

Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo Acclaimed author of Ash Malinda Lo returns with her most personal and ambitious novel yet, a gripping story of love and duty set in San Francisco's Chinatown during the Red Scare.

The Mirror Season by Anna-Marie McLemore When two teens discover that they were both sexually assaulted at the same party, they develop a cautious friendship through her family's possibly magical pastelería, his secret forest of otherworldly trees, and the swallows returning to their hometown, in Anna-Marie McLemore's The Mirror Season... Graciela Cristales's whole world changes after she and a boy she barely knows are assaulted at the same party. She loses her gift for making enchanted pan dulce. Neighborhood trees vanish overnight, while mirrored glass appears, bringing reckless magic with it. And Ciela is haunted by what happened to her, and what happened to the boy whose name she never learned. But when the boy, Lock, shows up at Ciela's school, he has no memory of that night, and no clue that a single piece of mirrored glass is taking his life apart. Ciela decides to help him, which means hiding the truth about that night. Because Ciela knows who assaulted her, and him. And she knows that her survival, and his, depend on no one finding out what really happened.

Zara Hossain Is Here by Sabina Khan Zara's family has waited years for their visa process to be finalized so that they can officially become US citizens. But it only takes one moment for that dream to come crashing down around them.

Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating by Adiba Jaigirdar Everyone likes Humaira "Hani" Khan—she’s easy going and one of the most popular girls at school. But when she comes out to her friends as bisexual, they invalidate her identity, saying she can’t be bi if she’s only dated guys. Panicked, Hani blurts out that she’s in a relationship…with a girl her friends absolutely hate—Ishita "Ishu" Dey. Ishu is the complete opposite of Hani. She’s an academic overachiever who hopes that becoming head girl will set her on the right track for college. But Ishita agrees to help Hani, if Hani will help her become more popular so that she stands a chance of being elected head girl.Despite their mutually beneficial pact, they start developing real feelings for each other. But relationships are complicated, and some people will do anything to stop two Bengali girls from achieving happily ever after.

Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee Felix Ever After meets Becky Albertalli in this swoon-worthy, heartfelt rom-com about how a transgender teen’s first love challenges his ideas about perfect relationships.

Ace of Spades by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé Out now, as of yesterday! (or June 10th in the UK!) Gossip Girl meets Get Out in Ace of Spades, a YA contemporary thriller by debut author Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé about two students, Devon & Chiamaka, and their struggles against an anonymous bully.

Love & Other Natural Disasters by Misa Sugiura Out June 8th! When Nozomi Nagai pictured the ideal summer romance, a fake one wasn’t what she had in mind. That was before she met the perfect girl. Willow is gorgeous, glamorous, and…heartbroken? And when she enlists Nozomi to pose as her new girlfriend to make her ex jealous, Nozomi is a willing volunteer. Because Nozomi has a master plan of her own: one to show Willow she’s better than a stand-in, and turn their fauxmance into something real. But as the lies pile up, it’s not long before Nozomi’s schemes take a turn toward disaster…and maybe a chance at love she didn’t plan for.

Gearbreakers by Zoe Hana Mikuta Out June 29th Two girls on opposite sides of a war discover they're fighting for a common purpose--and falling for each other--in Zoe Hana Mikuta's high-octane debut Gearbreakers, perfect for fans of Pacific Rim, Pierce Brown's Red Rising Saga, and Marie Lu's Legend series.

Rise to the Sun by Leah Johnson Out July 6th! Three days. Two girls. One life-changing music festival. Olivia is an expert at falling in love . . . and at being dumped. But after the fallout from her last breakup has left her an outcast at school and at home, she’s determined to turn over a new leaf. A crush-free weekend at Farmland Music and Arts Festival with her best friend is just what she needs to get her mind off the senior year that awaits her. Toni is one week away from starting college, and it’s the last place she wants to be. Unsure about who she wants to become and still reeling in the wake of the loss of her musician-turned-roadie father, she’s heading back to the music festival that changed his life in hopes that following in his footsteps will help her find her own way forward. When the two arrive at Farmland, the last thing they expect is to realize that they’ll need to join forces in order to get what they’re searching for out of the weekend. As they work together, the festival becomes so much more complicated than they bargained for, and Olivia and Toni will find that they need each other, and music, more than they ever could have imagined.

Note: Images and summaries via Goodreads!

[booksandwords]

Loveless by Alice Oseman

Read time: 5 Days Rating: 4/5

The quote: You know why people pair up into couples? Because being a human is fucking terrifying. But it's a hell of a lot easier if you're not doing it alone. — Ellis

In the interest of full disclose this is an almost automatic 5 star book for me. Any book that features an aro/ace protagonist and treats them with respect and dignity will get 5 five stars, any writing plot or character other flaws be damned. The world needs more aro/ace representation where we aren't the best friend or something to be fixed. But even without my usual aro/ace crusading, this likely would have been a 5. The character are individual, realistic and oh so human, the plot is centred on identity and confusion but is written in a manner that it is readable. And it is oh so relatable for an ace (aro? demi? grey? my romantic orientation is up in the air) who found out well after school what they were. The anger, confusion, sense of overwhelm, and the bizarre sense of mourning due to the loss of what was impressed on you as the normal. One of the best phrases in the book may be "Says who? The Hetronormative rulebook? Fuck that Georgia Fuck that." and you know what amen to that Rooney. The ending is satisfying but still open as is only right for something written for this demographic. This isn't the end of their story it is only the start.

It is worth saying that for those of us who are ace and comfortable with their identity are aware very early on what is going on with Georgia. Georgia is an anxious, touch averse Ace who is trying to force herself to be "normal". With an extended family of almost perfect hetronormative ideal relationships, met early married had kids that have been subconsciously impressed on her as the future and expected of her. Combined with her love of fanfiction it had to be her to the idea that there is the perfect person for everyone. As stated in the intro to this review Georgia is very realistic in her reactions to her newly discovered identity. Confusion, anger, mourning, insecurity. I personally felt all of these and I know others in the community did as well to varying degrees. Georgia does have a conversation with the wonderful Ellis, an ace in her 30s who had to discover her identity and learn her way on her own. Moments leading up that earn this a trigger warning for something that may or may not be alluding to conversion therapy, either way, it is slightly distressing. Ellis is a beautiful woman and a great inclusion. She is a successful woman, making her own way and living her life regardless of what others think.

A moment on the character who for me is the absolute stand out. Sunil is Georgia's College parent, they end up being a something of fairy godace for Georgia. They would hate that term, but it's so fitting for me. Sunil is a homoromantic nonbinary ace with the preferred pronouns they/him (Georgia/ Oseman use him never they), he is the one who introduces the term asexual to Georgia and tells her the potential of it. I really like him, he makes me smile. No one in an Alice Oseman book is two dimensional in their identity (racial, romantic or sexual), Sunil is no exception. He is handled well with the respect of an only slightly older figure, one who is still not entirely set on their feet. And while Georgia is cis white as well as being an enby Sunil is of Indian descent.

The other supporting characters are Rooney, Pip and Jason. Rooney is Georgia's Shakespeare obsessed roommate. They meet on the first day of university and are total opposites. I like their relationship. It's non-traditional but love in a way I want to see more of. Georgia is loyal despite all of Rooney's actions. Pip and Jason are Georgia's best friends. Pip is chaos, Georgia is silent and Jason is clam. They are something of an odd combination but it works well. Jason and his love of Scooby-Doo is both funny and cute. They are all individual and that there is some conflict between them is a good thing.

This is relatable for aces in a similar way to I Was Born For This was relatable for fandom. I would say that if you enjoyed I Was Born For This for its fandom aspects you will enjoy this, even more, fandom specifically fanfic is part of Georgia and her romantic education such as it is. Georgia (, Sunil and Ellis) face misunderstandings about their sexuality. Those phrase aces hear and hate. Sunil's is particularly important they face bigotry from other members of the LBGTQ community, where it is called a made-up sexuality. Georgia gets the 'you'll find the right person', 'have you tried...', 'what about when you are older'. We've all heard them and I could hear the tone. Some of the statements are apologised for others are not, the ones that are are important and say a lot about the importance and development of the character.

A random dump because concise reviews are not possible for Alice Oseman books.

Tommy ending up in the fire is funnier than it should be. I see all kinds of unwarranted metaphors.

Fried Egg is the cutest nickname that would make no sense to anyone but the participating people involved.

Kinsey Scale Test is something hadn't heard of but yeah that is a result a questioning person doesn't want to see.

QUILTBAG is an acronym I had never heard in the LGBTQ community. It's not new, I found it in a 2012 article, where I found this definition it is a good article. "It stands for QU is for queer and questioning, I for intersex, L for Lesbian, T for transgender and transsexual and Two-Spirit, B for bisexual, A for asexual and ally, and G for gay and genderqueer. Even with all those letters, we’ve missed some of the possibilities (such as pansexual and fluid, both of which are identities I’ve heard people claim), but QUILTBAG still offers a rainbow of different ways to identify. It’s also a lot easier to say than LGBTQIA (which is what I started using after I realized how exclusive LGBT and queer were)."

Am I the only one who doesn't know what the Bailey Ball is? They aren't an Australian thing. Well, that and I studied uni by distance.

Rooney and Ellis make some brilliant points about friendship and its importance to aces. The way it is made lesser than romantic relationships in general.

Apparently all the Oseman books are set in a common universe, the easiest evidence of this in Loveless is in the reference to Universe City from Radio Silence.

Roderick the plant as a metaphor was smart. I quite liked it.

This is a really quotable book there are fantastic quotes about love, friendship and maturity.

As an aside. The protagonist brings up her love of fanfic early in the book. There is there are precious little aspec fanfics out there. Mostly one would suspect because sex makes the tv industry go-round (see Shadowhunter and Riverdale for their treatment of originally aroace characters). As Clotpolesonly wrote in reply to me "aspec AUs are practically unicorns, they're so rare in fandom". One fandom that does have fanfics for them is Teen Wolf. Derek Hale can easily be read as an aspec (usually closer to the demi or grey part of the spectrum). So even if you don't know the show have a fic rec Magic and Drag Queens and Lizards, Oh My by clotpolesonly. Also That's When I Knew by Stennerd, this is for the 911 fandom pairing is Buddie, demisexual. There are I know more but not nearly as many as there are for some others.

[classpect-crew]

I really really like your analyses of the classes and aspects. if you could, please make an analysis of the maid of mind as I would like to see your thoughts on this classpect!

Thank you so much! I'd love to describe the Maid of Mind for you! This is actually one that I recently looked into myself, although it's not unusual for me to hop on the merry-go-round of rotating Classpects depending on the day.

The Maid of Mind is going to be quite the powerhouse, capable of creating endless personas for any given situation, performing logical leaps only another Mind player could follow, and increasing their potential choices, all while keeping many of their fellow players at a safe emotional distance. I'll be drawing quite a bit from my own personal experience here, as it's one of the best examples I can think of for this Classpect, given that the Maid begins at the mercy of their Aspect, and eventually must learn to create it for themselves.

I grew up in an upper middle class family, and there was a great deal of social expectations placed on all of us. Nothing too extreme, like arranged marriages or courtly etiquette, but it was expected that we kept our personal squabbles aside for the sake of maintaining the peaceful family dynamic. Family gatherings at holidays were rather predictable, with adults chattering on about mundane daily activities and the accomplishments of their kids. As I got older, I began to see the cracks in the careful illusion that had been crafted around me: my parents' loveless marriage, continuing for my sake; an aunt whose narcissistic and possessive tendencies led us to have two separate Christmases instead of one; a cousin who was disowned by her parents and taken in by other family members after she shattered the delicate illusion through an accidental pregnancy.

For most of that time, we all tried to play the "good kid" role. I acted the part of the straight, cisgender gifted kid, mild-mannered and conservative. I built this persona simply to survive and, at times, believed in it wholeheartedly, losing myself in the process. Choices were made for me, and my destiny seemed to be set in stone: go to college, start my career, and live the same illusion as my family. That all changed, though, when I finally decided enough was enough and came out, first as bisexual, then as transgender. I became outspoken, rebelling against the social mores I'd grown up with, and for a while, I was accused of trying to be "different" for the hell of it. Now, I find myself in a more balanced position, and I'm able to deftly change my outer persona at will in order to achieve my goals, code-switching effortlessly in the middle of social interactions. I see my own identity as something cobbled together from the choices I've made and things I've learned, rather than one unchanging core.

As such, I could conceivably be called a Maid of Mind. I'm constantly making logical connections between wildly different subjects, which is part of why I enjoy Classpect analysis (and, indeed, analysis in general) so very much. I have a shifting sense of identity that evolves with each new discovery I make about the world, and I don't feel particularly tied down to one destiny. I have virtually no regrets about choices I've made, since they've all led me to this point in my life where I feel I've formed a more actualized version of myself, though I do often think about where different choices would have taken me. Were I to take on this Classpect in SBURB, upon reaching God Tier, I'd be capable of creating new opportunities for myself to succeed within our session, forming intelligent (albeit soulless) constructs to aid in the fight, and generally being the intellectual powerhouse that ultimately creates the plan that ensures our success.

I almost want to start calling myself the Maid of Mind, if only because it would mean I've finally "Maid" up my Mind, which is infinitely funny to me, but I digress. Hopefully this helps you get a feeling for the Maid of Mind! They're a much more cerebral Classpect, as you can imagine, so their powers would be a bit less flashy than others, but they'd be no less effective upon maturing.

[divineknowing2021]

viewing guide

At its core, divine knowing is an exhibition about knowledge, power, and agency. It’s become a more common understanding that governments, institutions, and algorithms will manipulate the public with what information they frame as fact, fiction, or worthy of attention. Though I am early in researching this topic, I've only come across a minimal amount of mainstream discourse on how the initial threat limiting our scope of knowledge is a refusal to listen to ourselves.

In a world faced with so many threats - humans being violent toward each other, toward animals, toward the earth - it can be a bit unsettling to release the reins and allow ourselves to bear witness for a moment, as we slowly develop a deeper awareness of surrounding phenomena and happenings.  

divine knowing includes works by formally trained and self-taught artists. A majority of the artists are bisexual, non-binary, or transgender. Regardless of degree-status, gender, or sexuality, these artists have tapped into the autonomous well of self-knowing. Their artworks speak to tactics for opening up to a more perceptive mode of being. They unravel dependencies on external sources for knowledge and what we might recognize, connect with, or achieve once we do.

The installation Femme Digitale by Sierra Bagish originates from a series she began in 2017 by converting photographs of women that were taken and distributed online without the subject’s consent into paintings. Her practice at the time was concerned with female abjection. Sourcing images found via simple keywords and phrases (e.g., passed out, passed out drunk) she swathes a mass-circulated canon of internet detritus that articulates and produces aggression towards women. With her paintings, she circumvents the images’ original framing mechanisms and subverts these proliferated images through a sincere and personal lens.

These paintings divulge the blurred space between idolatry and denigration these online photos occupy, asking whose desires these images fulfill and what their propagation reveals about the culture producing them.  While Bagish's work contends with political motivations, she also remains keenly observant of form and the varying utilities of different media.

“I use the expressive potential of paint as a vehicle to intervene and challenge ideas about photography as a harbinger of the real and everyday.”

Chariot Birthday Wish is an artist and angel living in Brooklyn. They have seen The Matrix 28 times in 2 years and love horses. The tarot series included in divine knowing is their most intuitive project, something they revisit when unsure of what to work on next. The Major Arcana are composed of digital collages made from sourced images, the Minor Arcana are represented by short, poetic, interpretative texts about the cards. The series is played on shuffle, creating a unique reading for each viewer. This is a work in progress that will eventually finalize as a completed deck of digital collages available for purchase.

Chariot's work emerges from a constant consideration of apocalypse and connection. They reference technology in tandem with nature and a desire for unity. Underneath their work's surface conversation on beauty, care, and relationship exists an agenda to subtly evoke a conspiratorial anti-state mindset. Through a collective imagining of how good things could be and how good we want them to be, we might be able to reckon with how bad things are in contrast.

“I think about texting my friends from the middle of the woods...

Humans are a part of nature and we created these things. There's this Bjork quote where she says that "You can use pro tools and still be pagan." I'm really into the idea of using technology as a tool for divination and holy connection with nature. I imagine a scene; being in moss, it's absolute bliss, and then the connection of texting, sharing an image of moss with a friend, sharing that moment through cellular towers.”

The album "adding up" by thanks for coming is composed of songs Rachel Brown wrote during what they believe to be the most challenging year of their life. Rachel now looks back on this time in appreciation, recognizing they grew in ways they had never imagined. The entire year, they were committed to following their feelings to wherever it may lead.

“If I hadn't been open to following the almost indiscernible signs I was being sent, then I would have missed out on some of the most important moments in my life.”

Kimberly Consroe holds a Masters in Anthropology along with degrees in Archaeology, Literature, and History. She is currently a Research Analyst at the US Department of Commerce. Her artwork is a passionate escape from a hectic professional life and touches on themes of feminism and nature.

Her works begin as general ideas; their narrative complexity growing with the amount of time she invests in making each one. Her decoupage process starts with cutting hundreds, if not thousands, pieces of paper. The accumulation of clippings sourced from vintage and current-day magazines overlap to tell a story. In Domestication, Kimberly borrows submissive female figures from found images of Ryan Mcguinness's work and places them in a position of power.

“I believe intuition is associated with emotion and experience. It is wisdom and fear, empathy and outrage, distrust and familiarity. It is what we know before we know it. This relates to my artwork in that, from beginning to end, there is never one complete idea concerning the outcome: it is a personal journey. It emerges from an ephemeral narrative that coalesces into a definitive story.”

Anabelle DeClement is a photographer who primarily works with film and is interested in relationships as they exist within a frame. She is drawn to the mystery of the mundane. Intuition exists in her practice as a feeling of urgency and the decision to act on it  ---  a drive often used to describe street photography where the camera catches unexpected moments in an urban environment. Anabelle tends to photograph individuals with whom she has established personal relationships in a slow domestic setting. Her sense of urgency lies in capturing moments of peak intimacy, preserving a memory's informal beauty that otherwise may have been forgotten or overlooked.

Gla5 is a visual artist, poet, bookmaker, production designer, and educator. Play is at the center of their practice. Their process is an experimental one embracing impulse and adventure. Their compositions are informed by relationships among bodies of varying shapes, materials, and densities. Interests that come up in their work include a discernment between symbols and non-symbols, dream states, the portrayal of energy in action, and a fixation on forms such as cups, tables, and spoons.

“I generally think of my work as depicting a layer of life that exists underneath what we see in our everyday lives.”

Gladys Harlow is a sound-based performance artist, comedian, and activist who experiments with found objects, contact mics, textures, range, analog formats, present moments, and emotions. Through raw, avant-garbage performance art, they aim to breakdown societal barriers, abolish oppressive systems, and empower communities. Gladys was born in Queens, NY, raised in Miami, FL and has deep roots in Venezuela. Currently haunting in Philadelphia, PA, Gladys is a founding member of Sound Museum Collective. SMC holds space for reconstructing our relationships to sounds by creating a platform for women, nonbinary, and trans sound artists and engineers.

Street Rat is a visceral exploration of the mysteries of life. Attempting to bring heavy concepts to your reality, it is the eye on the ground that sees and translates all intersecting issues as they merge, explode, dissolve, and implode. Street Rat is Gladys Harlow's way of comprehending, coping, feeling, taking action, disrupting the status quo, and rebuilding our path.

All Power To The People originated as a recorded performance intended to demystify sound by revealing the tools, wires, and movements used to create it. All Power To The People evolved into an installation conceived specifically for this exhibition. The installation includes a theremin and oscillator built by Gladys, a tarot deck they made by hand, and books from the artist's personal collection, amongst other elements. Gladys has created a structure of comfort and exploration. They welcome all visitors of divine knowing to play with the instrument, flip freely through the books, and pull a tarot card to take home.

Phoebe Hart is an experimental animator and filmmaker. A majority of her work is centered around mental illness and the line between dreams and reality. Merry Go Round is a sculptural zoetrope that changes in shape and color as it spins. Its form is inspired by nature and its color by the circus. The video’s sound was produced by Hayden Waggener. It consists of reverbing chimes which are in rhythm with the stop animation’s movement; both oscillate seamlessly between serene and anxious states.

“I often don't plan the sculptures or objects I am fabricating, there is a vague image in my mind, and my hands take care of the rest. I find that sometimes overthinking is what can get me and other artists stuck. If I just abandon my judgments and ego, I can really let go and create work that feels like it came inherently from me.”

Powerviolets is the solo project of multi-instrumentalist Violet Hetson who is currently based in New York. After experiencing several false starts while bouncing coast to coast, recording and performing with several lineups, Hetson has finally released her debut album. ~No Boys~ namesake is a sarcastic sign she hung on her suburban CT teenage bedroom door. Violet Hetson grew up primarily listening to punk and hardcore. She parses elements of these genres with influences from bands such as X and Suburban Lawns. ~No Boys~ takes a softer, melodic approach to Hetson's punk roots. Powerviolets' music is linear, unconventional, dark, and airy with a sense of humor.

Mary Hunt is a fiber artist specializing in chain stitch embroidery. This traditional form of embroidery uses vintage machinery and thick thread to create fibrous art and embellishments. They use an approach called "thread painting," which requires each stitch to be hand guided by the turn of a knob underneath the table while the speed of movement is controlled by a foot pedal. Chainstitch works can take anywhere from 20 minutes to 200 hours, encouraging a slow and thoughtful process. Mary uses a Cornely A machine, made in Paris more than 100 years ago.

“I think we are sent messages and guidance constantly. Our intuition is simply our ability to clear the path for those messages. The largest obstacles on my artistic path are usually self-imposed negative thoughts. I simply do things to take care of my spiritual well-being, first and foremost, and the rest follows. If I can trust the universe, trust the process, then I am much more likely to listen to the messages sent my way.”

Jes the Jem is a multi-media artist working with acrylic, watercolor, mold clay, and whatever else she can get her hands on. She uses vivid color to bring joy into the lives of those who view her art. Jes the Jem has experienced a great deal of pain in her life. Through that unique displeasure, she has been gifted a nuanced perspective. She aims to energize the present while paying homage to the past events that shape us. In her art, her life, and her interpersonal relationships, Jes the Jem appreciates the gift of all of life's experiences.

“The pursuit of happiness and understanding is instinct.”

Pamela Kivi pieces together visual scraps she has saved over the years, choosing to fuse them at whatever present moment she sees fit. Her work reflects on creative mania, fleeting emotions, and memories. Pamela's collages are a compilation of unexpected elements that include: old notebooks, cut-outs, text messages or Facebook message conversations, nostalgic cellphone photos, and visual materials she has chosen to hold onto. She prints out, cuts up, scans, edits, repeats. Pamela's artistic practice is deeply personal. It is a submittal to the process of dusting things off until a reflection can be seen, all enacted without an attachment to the end result.

“I rely on intuition and whatever state of mind I am in to whisk me away. In life, I often confuse intuition with anxiety- when it comes to creative work, I can decipher the two.”

Through sobriety, Kendall Kolenik's focus has shifted toward self-discovery and shedding old adaptive patterns, a process that led her to a passion for helping others heal themselves too. In autumn, she will begin her Masters in Social Work at Columbia University.

“I love how when I'm painting my self-doubt becomes so apparent. Painting shows me exactly where my doubt lies, which guides me towards overriding it. When I paint something and lean into doubt, I don't like what comes out. When I take note of the resistance and go with my gut more freely, I love it. This reminds me of my yoga practice. What you practice on the mat is a metaphor for how you show up in life. By breathing through the uncomfortable poses on the mat, you learn to breathe through challenging life moments.

I think we all grow up learning to numb and edit ourselves. We are taught not to trust our feelings; we are told to look outside ourselves for answers when we already have a perfectly good compass within. Painting is an archway back to that for me - rediscovering self-reliance and faith in my first instinct. When I'm creating these rainbow squares, sometimes I move so fast it's like something else is carrying me. I sort of leave myself and enter a trance. Like how you don't have to tell the heart to beat or the lungs to breathe - thinking goes away and I can get so close to my knowing that I become it. I love how art allows me to access my love for ambiguity, interpretation, and an interpretation that feels closer to Truth. I find no greater purpose than guiding people back to safety and reconnecting them with themselves. The most important thing to ever happen in my life was when I stopped trying to deny my reality - listening to your intuition can be like a freefall - no one but you can ever know or tell you - it is a deep trust without any outside proof.”

Lucille Loffredo is a music school dropout, Jewish trans lesbian, and veterinary assistant doing her best to make sure each day is better than the last. Lucille tries to find the music rather than make it. She lets it tell her what it wants to do and what it wants to be. The Wandering EP was in part written as a way to come out to herself. She asks all listeners to please be gentle.

“Change will come, and it will be good. You are who you think you are, no matter how far it seems.”

Whitney Lorenze generally works without reference, making thick, graphic pictures with precise forms conceived almost entirely from her imagination. Images like a slowly rolling car crackling out of a driveway, afternoon sun rays shining through a cloud of humidity, or headlights throwing a lined shadow across a black bedroom inspire her.

“As it concerns my own practice and the creation of artworks generally, I would define intuition as the ability to succumb to some primal creative impulse. Of course, this implies also the ability to resist the temptations of producing a calculated or contrived output.”

Ellie Mesa began teaching herself to paint at the age of 15, exploring landscapes and portraiture. Her work has evolved into a style of painting influenced by surrealism where teddy bears will morph into demons and vice versa. Her work speaks to cuteness, the grotesque, and mystical beings. The painting "Kali" is an homage to the Hindu goddess of creation,  destruction, life and death. This was Ellie's first painting after becoming sober and is an expression of the aforementioned forces in her own life. Through meditations on Kali, Elli has been able to find beauty in the cycle of love and loss.

“To me, intuition means doing the thing that feels right whether or not it's what you want it to be. When I'm painting or making a sculpture, I give myself the freedom to follow what feels right, even if that means starting over or changing it completely. I allow the piece to present itself to me instead of forcing something that doesn't want to be.”

Mari Ogihara is a sculptor exploring duality, resilience, beauty, and serenity as experienced through the female gaze. Her work is informed by the duality of womanhood and the contradictions of femininity. In particular, the multitude of roles we inhabit as friend, lover, sister, and mother and their complex associations to the feminine perspective.

“Intuition is an innate, immediate reaction to an experience. While making art, I try to balance intuition, logic, and craftsmanship.”

All Of Me Is War by Ames Valaitis addresses the subconscious rifts society initiates between women, estranging them from each other and themselves.

“It is an unspoken, quick, and quiet battle within me as the feeling of intuition purely, and when I am making a drawing. I am immediately drawn to poses and subject matter that reflect the emotion inside myself, whether it is loud or under the surface. If a line or figure doesn't move me, after working on it for a few minutes, I get rid of it. If something looks right to me immediately, I keep it; nurture it. I try to let go of my vision, let my instinct take hold. I mirror this in my life as I get older, choosing who and what to put my energy into. The feeling is rarely wrong; I'd say we all know inherently when it is time to continue or tap out.”

Chardel Williams is a self-taught artist currently living in Bridgeport. Her biggest inspiration is her birthplace of Jamaica. Chardel views painting as a method for blocking out chaos. Her attraction to the medium springs from its coalescence of freedom, meditative qualities, and the connection it engenders. rears.

“Intuition for me is going where my art flows. I implement it in my practice by simply creating space and time to listen. There are times when what I'm painting is done in everyone else's eyes, but I just keep picking at it. Sometimes I would stop painting a piece and go months without touching it. Then, out of nowhere, be obsessed with finishing. I used to get frustrated with that process, but now I go with it. I stopped calling it a block and just flow with it. I listen because my work talks.”

[goliath-de-senfina-sango]

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Danny Phantom Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Danny Fenton & Tucker Foley & Sam Manson, Danny Fenton & Jack Fenton & Jazz Fenton & Maddie Fenton, Danny Fenton & Sidney Poindexter, Danny Fenton & Lunch Lady, Penelope Spectra & Bertrand, Jack Fenton/Maddie Fenton Characters: Tucker Foley, Danny Fenton, Sam Manson, Jazz Fenton, Valerie Gray, Jack Fenton, Maddie Fenton, Angela Foley, Maurice Foley, Ida Manson, Jeremy Manson, Pamela Manson, Skulker (Danny Phantom), Desiree (Danny Phantom), Paulina Sanchez, Bertrand (Danny Phantom), Penelope Spectra, Wesley Weston, Walter Weston, Spike (Danny Phantom), Edward Lancer Additional Tags: I'm back baby, The Fentons are a family of Geniuses, Mulltilingual Danny Fenton, Multilingual Tucker Foley, Multilingual Sam Manson, The Ghosts have backstories, Bisexual Male Character, Transgender Danny Fenton, Space Core! Danny, round 2 friends, reseting the world to fix your mistakes Series: Part 2 of Monstrous Mundane Magick Summary:

Ghosts are a part of life that none of them can get rid of, apparently, so now they just have to figure out how to manage them. Join the ghostly Trio as they deal with bad wishes, fight a demon (because of course ghosts aren't all there is) and even deal with a dragon or two! Will they catch any semblance of a break, or will the horrors of the supernatural break them?

Green mist, the crackle of the Specter Deflector mk1 resisting the energy in that mist, and then darkness.  That was about what Tucker could remember of the fight if you could even call it that.  After what felt like forever, he opened his eyes to find he was in his room.  Sitting up with a groan, Tucker rubbed his head and took stock of the situation, just like a badass in a movie.  “Still in all my clothes from the fight, Sydney isn’t here, Danny and Sam also aren’t here, room’s a mess as usual…”  Grabbing his phone, Tucker checked for any panicked texts and saw none.  It was just Friday again, Friday morning even.  “Alright, so maybe cotton candy wasn’t her power.  Ugh, whatever she did it clearly had no effect on me, so that means the Fentons at least know how to make a good protective belt.”  Swinging his feet over the edge of the bed Tucker tapped the Specter Deflectorand paused.  “Oh, wait, will whatever she did affect me if I take off the belt?”

Deciding he didn’t want to find out, Tucker climbed out of bed, brushed his teeth, changed most of his clothes, and checked more of his room.  To his dismay, he found that Hunter’s mech was not, in fact, here in his room anymore.  “Where the heck could that’ve gone?  Mom and Dad didn’t move it last time it was this morning.”  He paused, scratching his head.  “Did they?  Ugh, ok, that’s something to worry about later.  If I ask they’ll just get upset that I lost track of it ‘because it’s dangerous’ or whatever.”

Heading downstairs to find his parents in the living room, Dad watching football and Mom knitting something, Tucker called out his usual good mornings and headed into the kitchen for some much-needed bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns.  Headphones in, the latest Dumpty Humpty songs on, and the smell of food filling the kitchen, Tucker almost didn’t notice the oddness of getting practically no messages from Danny or Sam the whole morning.  By now Sam should’ve been complaining about being sick, at the very least.

When he finished up his food, Tucker headed out the door, calling out to his parents, “Gonna go visit Danny, see ya later!”  And before they could respond, he was out the door and putting on his helmet.  The AI he’d rigged together pointed him toward his board, which he was more than grateful to still have even if Hunter’s suit would be useful, and soon he was in the air.  Still, even with no air traffic since the boards weren’t exactly for sale - yet, he needed to talk with Danny about that - he stopped before texting Danny.  He couldn’t just phase through a building instead of crashing because he wasn’t looking where he was going after all.

Hey Danny, where should we meet up?  I’m omw to tell you something wild.

He guessed, of course, that Danny was at home, so he took off for FentonWorks.  Music blaring in his ears, the wind tugging at his body as he did a loop, Tucker considered whether or not he should see if a random girl at the park would find his board cooler than the girls at school.  His phone buzzed in his pocket and he blinked a few times, lifting up his helmet to make sure he was reading this right.

Astroboy: I’m at my uncle’s place, u know that.

“Alright, the ghost did more than just chuck me back to this morning, apparently.  Why would she put Danny at Wes’ place?”  Tucker readjusted his helmet and sped off, going a bit faster than before.  He took a moment to take in everything below him, seeing no signs of the fight with Hunter that took place outside the library as he passed it.  “There should be something there though… the plasma and the lasers melted holes into the walls and street.”

When Tucker reached the Weston home, he was almost certain of what had happened.  The ghost had been some sort of wish granter, like a genie, and she’d heard him wish that Danny hadn’t gone into the portal.  That explained the lack of Hunter’s marks on the town, without Danny being half-ghost the poacher had no reason to go after him.  Maybe Danny just grew closer to Wes without the ghost stuff in the way?  Regardless, Tucker went through the awkwardness of greeting Mr. Weston when he answered the door, “Hi there, I’m Tucker Foley.  I’m not sure if you remember me but I’m Danny’s friend and he said he was here.”

“Ah yes, Tucker,” the ginger said, taking him in and clearly searching for a memory.  “The one he made the hoverboards and the rockets with, right?”

“Yup!  That’s me.  May I come in?”

“Of course, sure.  Shoes at the door and all that.”  Tucker kicked off his shoes and Mr. Weston pointed him upstairs.

When Tucker finally found Danny, his good mood at the fact that his best friend didn’t have to worry about fighting ghosts or questioning who and what he was anymore dropped like a lead ball.  It looked like a half-assed recreation of Danny’s actual room, desk and posters, and even his Horrorstation all together in one room.  It didn’t have the murals of the stars on the ceiling or the walls like in Danny’s real room, but it looked too personalized to be a guest room.  Danny looked up from his handheld and waved at him, looking for all the world like something was crushing him.  “Hey, Tuck. What’s up?”

“More than I wanted to be, it looks like,” he muttered.  Taking a seat on the bed next to Danny - and it was his bed, the exact same mattress - Tucker took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “How do I ask this?”  His eyes swept over the room, marking where things should be but weren’t, until he landed on Danny again, looking concerned and tense and just as thin as he was before.  He wasn’t as pale as he’d been growing but he was still paler than Tucker thought was healthy.  “Right, ok.  Rip off the bandaid I guess.  Say a ghost has, for whatever reason, messed with my memories so that I remember things a whole lot different than they are now.”  Danny scowled at the mention of ghosts, the same way Dr. Fenton did.  He wasn’t sure how to feel about that.  “What’s happened since August?”

Danny sighed, leaning back on his hands and glaring at the ceiling.  “Ghosts.  Ghosts have fucking happened since August.  Of course, they had to mess with you too, they already messed up everything else.”  Danny looked at him again, trying to judge how much of Tucker was the Tucker he knew probably, and Tuck was doing the same.  He’d never heard Danny refer to ghosts as a whole with such venom and ice in his voice.  It wasn’t right.  “After you convinced me how stupid it would be to actually go inside the Ghost Portal, Mom and Dad figured out what was wrong with it - an extra switch inside that would’ve had to be pressed to activate it - and after they fixed it, it worked.  Jazz had a fucking fit when she realized she was wrong about Mom and Dad being delusional for believing in ghosts.”  Danny looked down, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.  “I wish she was right.

“At first it seemed like the portal was working the same way all the other portals worked: a window into another world for Mom and Dad to look through and examine what was happening on the other side.  But then something actually came out of the thing.”  Danny shuddered and Tucker threw an arm around him.  “I remember seeing the ectopus thing for the first time.  It was so... wrong.  Like a messed up hologram that made my eyes hurt to look at it.  We all had weapons, thank the stars, but it took a while to get that thing back into the portal.”

“Ok, so it was a door and they didn’t want one of those yet, so they tried unplugging it,” Tucker said when Danny went quiet.  He remembered this conversation when Hunter came up.  “But it didn’t work that way.  Self-sustaining or something, right?”

“A self-sustaining interdimensional intersection that was apparently powered on the other side as much as it was on ours.  Stars, Tuck, the freakin Lunch Lady from the 50s came through - or rose up in the cafeteria kitchen, I guess.  Either way, when Sam had her menu change thing done and we started a food fight with Dash over it, the ghost lady set the kitchen and cafeteria on fire because we were making a mess of her cafeteria.”  Danny scoffed and Tucker winced.  “Mom and Dad to the rescue with the Fenton Foamers, since regular extinguishers and stuff wasn’t working.  That one got them attention,” he muttered.  “The whole town suddenly had their eyes on us, so Mom and Dad did a press conference and then the whole world was paying attention.  And then things went wrong.”

“Went wrong, how?”  He almost didn’t want to know the answer but at the same time, he knew that he should know what happened because of his wish.  This was his fault, and he needed to know what.

Danny curled up in a ball under his arm, and his breaths grew a bit shallower.  Tucker was certain he wasn’t going to say anything but a moment later, Danny opened his mouth and forced out the words like they stung his mouth to say.  “This giant fucking ghost hornet killed Jazz while I was in the counselor’s office and talking with Ms. Spectra about how the media circus was affecting my home life.”  He leaned against Tucker, face streaked with tears and chest heaving.  “Jazz fucking died of a giant hornet sting and I was talking to a counselor.  One who fucking ratted my parents out called them neglectful and said they were endangering us at home and CPS shoved me into uncle Walter’s house.”

Tucker knew what being punched in the face felt like, Dash had made sure of it.  Now, however, it felt a thousand times worse.  Like someone had taken a hot poker right out of a fireplace and shoved it into his chest.  “Oh my god.”

Tucker stayed with Danny as long as Mr. Weston would tolerate, getting the fact that the Mansons were moving out because of the danger in Amity out of him before they played some videogames to get all of this off of their minds.  It didn’t, of course, because nothing could get this off of Tucker’s mind, but he had to at least try to get some normalcy out of this for Danny.  He got curb stomped by a HellKnight and Danny took on being the Doom Slayer while Tuck stewed.

How the hell am I gonna fix this?  That one thought bounced around in his head, the only thing besides static, and for what felt like forever, it didn’t go anywhere.  Then he checked the news app on his phone for once in his life and saw that cotton candy had flooded the swap meet.  I’ll fix it how I messed it up.  I just need to find that ghost.

When Wes knocked on the door and told Danny it was time for dinner and heavily implied that Tucker should probably leave, he got up and squeezed Danny in a hug.  He got squeezed right back, and it was weird how quickly he’d gotten used to the hum of energy under Danny’s skin that he couldn’t feel anymore.  How odd it was to think this should hurt a bit more just because your friend was hugging you as hard as he could, but without superstrength.

On the flyby heading home, Tucker made a detour to the swap meet and started looking, though he wasn’t entirely certain what he was looking for.  “Something Alladin-esque, I guess,” he muttered under his breath.  Reaching into his jacket pocket thankfully produced the ecto signature tracker he was hoping for, and he followed it to several shards in front of a stand near the center of the cotton candy flood.  That was good, at least.  The woman putting things away gave Tucker a swell of hope, even if he felt she was probably wearing too much pink.  Hopping off the board and removing his helmet he cleared his throat.

“Are you Madam Babazita?”

She stood, turning around to raise a brow at him.  Pointing above at the sign that said Madam Babazita's Mystical Oddities.  “Who else would I be, kid.  Are you here to help with the cotton candy clean up?”

“Actually, I was here to ask about the uh genie that got released around here.”  The Babazita turned her full attention to him, and Tucker flinched.  There was a sharpness in her eyes and something… off.  He didn’t want to make her mad.

“Oh really?  You’re here about the djinni?”  She looked him up and down and spread her arms out.  “I didn’t see you here when her lamp broke.”

“Well, not this version of this morning, no.”  He chuckled and cleared his throat again.  “I jumped the gun and made a wish without realizing that she could grant them.  The only reason I remember all of this, apparently, is because of this.”  He raised his shirt to show off the Specter Deflector™.  “It blocks out ghostly energy.  Is there anything you can tell me about this genie ghost thing that would help me to fix the mess I made?”

Madam Babazita stared at Tucker for several long moments, her beakish nose raised high and her eyes sharp as a hawk’s.  After another beat of silence, he opened his mouth to plead a better case than ‘I made a mess and need your help to fix it’ when she held up a hand.  “Alright, kid.  You look like whatever you did, you regret enough to keep bothering me about it.  I’ll tell you about that djinni, but if you get hurt fighting her that’s your fault, not mine.”

“Got it.”  She frowned at him and Tucker winced.  “I understand, madam.”

Learning of Desiree’s life was a sad story to hear, but finding out that she was compelled to grant any wish she heard was a lifesaver.  Sure, it sounded rough having to fulfill everyone else’s desires and not your own, but Tucker needed that kind of guarantee that he could get what he needed so long as he asked for it correctly.   Unfortunately, that would have to wait. The sun was going down, and his parents probably didn’t want him out late with ghosts on the loose.

There were things Tucker could get away with, such as staying out particularly later than he should, ignoring all the vegetables on his plate and generally being less engaged in dinner discussion because his parents weren’t the parents he knew.  Not exactly, anyway.  A few months could really change someone.  One thing he could not get away with, however, was taking a shower in Angela Foley’s household.  So, he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and took off the Specter Deflector™.  Nothing happened.  Opening his eyes, Tucker found nothing had changed. He could remember everything from how it was supposed to be and he didn’t get any new memories aligning with what Danny had told him.  “That’s one mystery solved,” he muttered. That done he got rid of the rest and cleaned, trying to devise a plan.

When he woke up the next morning he had a plan.  It was a relatively simple one.  “Find Desiree, unwish my wish, and the world is fixed.”  He put the belt back on with his new outfit of leather pants, a green sweater and a leather jacket he’d found sitting in his closet.  “If she can change reality this much then who knows what else she can do?  She probably remembers me shooting at her.”

Even with the wildness of a ghost messing around with people’s desires and a huge, overly public case regarding the town crazies who discovered the afterlife - a thing that Tucker was going to file under ‘think about in more depth later’ - life still went on.  There were movies to attend, and people still went to them. This was not the place where Tucker expected to be dealing with a ghost of any sort.  And yet, here the tracker pointed him, leading to Paulina… chibified. “I know chibis are supposed to be cute, and on-screen they are, but this?  This is horrifying, and I don’t like it.  I dunno how anyone else thinks this is cute.”  Everyone in the theater was going nuts over Paulina, who steadily grew into a seven-foot-tall chibi version of herself.  “Oh wow, the weebs are feeding her power or whatever.  That’s just great.”

Riffling through his jacket pocket, Tucker felt the handles for familiar weapons - an ecto-pistol, a tube of lipstick that also shot lasers, the wrist ray he should have on and was now putting on- but none of those guaranteed he’d be able to get the ghost energy out of Paulina.  Was this a good idea to act on?  “Only one way to find out…”  Aim, charge, fire.  A beam of green struck chibilina in the forehead, dead on, and her supernatural form rippled with a green light.  Everyone turned to Tucker, who sucked in a sharp breath, ran for his board, and flew away.

“Ok, I don’t have a weapon on me that can push the ghostly energy out of someone,” he muttered, hoping and praying that Paulina couldn’t also fly.  “Good to know. Ugh, where would I find a wish obsessed djinni?”  He looked down below him, and up above him even, hoping he’d spot any kind of clue as toa car flew within an inch of Tucker’s face and it’s tailwind dragged him into a spin.

Once he corrected himself in the air and almost caught all of his breath back, Tucker focused on the car zooming around through the air with green energy pulsing through it.  “I know we were talking about making flying cars happen, but not like this.”  He flew off and after the car, having to push the engine of his board to keep up, and knocked on the driver’s side window.  “Uh, hello, this is technically speeding, I do believe.”

“DUUUUDE WHAT THE HELL!?”  The blond surfer stereotype screamed, bringing Tucker to question his style and location.  There were no beaches in Minnesota.

“Roll down the window!”  Tucker pointed at the button, which the guy thankfully hit, and Tucker reached in to grab the wheel and steer the man away from the city.  “Alright, so I don’t know how to drive exactly but I’m pretty sure there should be some brakes down there.”  No sooner did he say that than the car stopped.  It stopped dead in the air, and gravity took hold - a thing it did at inconvenient times. Thankfully, Tuck didn’t have to scream for the man to hit the gas again since this sudden a drop kept him from being able to catch the air needed for screaming.  When they started moving forward and up again, Tucker clung to the car door and wheezed in his helmet, shaking his head.  “Find. Empty.  Parking spot.  Think about going down.  Slowly.”

“Oh what, just fuckin think about it going down smoothly and it’ll go down?”  Tucker, who was on his hoverboard of all things, was being glared at.  By some surfing wanna be.  He had no time for this kind of bullshit.

“DID YOU WISH FOR IT TO START FLYING AND IT FLEW?!”  the guy flinched and nodded, face screwing up with concentration as he steered the car.  Tucker felt free to let go as the vehicle descended toward an empty-ish parking lot and began to slow down.  When the car landed and Tucker hovered only a foot off the ground, the man practically kicked his door open and wrapped Tucker in a hug.  “Whoa!  Ok, ok this is happening.”

“Thank you!  Fuck, man, thank you so much!  I almost died, flying around in a car!”

“Yeah, I’m looking to find the person who did this so I can stop her.”  Tucker gently pushed the man away and started floating up higher, his visor flashing with a status update on his board.  It might need maintenance after pulling speeds like that.  “You just do your thing, probably avoid using this car for a while.  Buh bye.” That said, he sped off into the sky.

“You’re serious?”

“Would I be telling you this if I wasn’t 100% serious, Sam?”  Tucker groaned, sitting on his board on the roof of the school.  It was the only place he could think of that’d be abandoned on a Saturday.  “I know how to be serious, you know!”

“I dunno,” Sam drawled, “you can be pretty insensitive.”

“Enough to joke about messing up everyone’s lives with a wish?”  Tucker glared at his phone.  “Sam, Jazz is dead in this timeline!  I wouldn’t joke about being the cause of that!”

The line was silent for a long moment, and he checked to make sure he hadn’t been hung up on.  Finally, Sam sighed the crackle of it in the receiver matching the static in his head when he learned about that little tidbit.  “Fine. Ok, let’s pretend I believe you. Why do you want my help instead of Danny’s?”

“Pardon?”

“Danny’s the one with access codes to all the weapons his folks have for fighting ghosts, not me.  Why are you telling me this instead of Danny?”

“First of all, I have the weapons I need to fight her if it comes to that, which gods I hope it doesn’t.”  With all the chaos she was causing, Tucker didn’t want to get into an actual fight with Desiree.  He had a feeling Danny wouldn’t have won that fight with his powers either.  “Second of all: gee Sam, I wonder why I didn’t tell Danny that I essentially got his sister killed with a hasty wish?”  The line was silent, and Tucker took a few deep breaths.  “I’m sorry, if I sound harsh or anything I just.  You’re the one who comes up with most of our winning ideas, and I don’t wanna hurt Danny any more than I already have.  All I need to do is find Desiree and make a wish.  Any ideas on where she might be?”

“Well, she might be at a place where people typically go to make wishes.  Everyone has a desire to ask for pretty much all day but a wishing well or fountain or something would probably do the trick.”  There was a loud clacking of keys and Tucker winced.

“You need to ease up on that poor keyboard.”

“It’ll be fine.  There’s a wishing fountain around the middle of Magnus park.  Heck, toss a coin in and make a wish of your own, that might get her attention.”

Why hadn’t he thought of that?  “Thanks, Sam, you’re the best.”

“You know I am.  And Tucker?  Be safe, or as safe as you can be.”

“Safe as anyone can be going after a djinni, yeah.  I will be.”  Tucker nodded and hung up, slipping on his helmet.  Putting in the directions for the Magnus park fountain through his PDA, Tucker took off into the sky and hoped that things went even a bit ok.

Finding Walter Weston as he wished for a million bucks and peridot green mist swirled around him like a caress as a familiar voice spoke was not what Tucker would call ok.  Still, he took the opportunity to stop another stupid wish from getting twisted - a million bucks could be quite a few deer or even just that much money crushing him under its weight.  Slowing down enough to not break anything, Tucker swerved, yanking Mr. Weston up out of the smoke, and dropped him off a few meters away.  Looking up, Tucker saw an infuriated Desiree glaring down at him and shouting in a language he didn’t understand.

That was fine though.  He didn’t need to understand her just yet.  She understood wishes in English just fine, clearly.  “I wish that I hadn’t interrupted your conversation with Danny!”  The djinni stared at him, eyes bright red with obvious fury, but her hands glimmer pink and green, and the mist wrapped around him again.

“So you have wished it, so shall it be!”

[shalebridge-cradle]

Bisclavret Round-Up

Unholy took about three months to write. Fairy Tale took five. Hindsight took six.

Bisclavret took nineteen, and that should be the biggest indicator to you that I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.

This was my first venture into another fandom, and out of my comfort zone (though not entirely – supernatural elements for life). I’m not sure whether or not I did the source material and its characters justice, however, especially with the supernatural element I went with (Wolves are believed to have gone extinct in England in the late fifteenth or early sixteenth century), but I will try to explain my reasoning behind some of my decisions here.

The Characters

My main concern.

We get a good view of Monty’s thought process throughout the show, through the framing device of writing his memoirs and views of his private affairs. Phoebe and Sibella, on the other hand, are characters we don’t get much of in the way of examination – we only see them through Monty’s eyes until the very end, where they reveal themselves as more than that.

Sibella is a bit self-centred, and extremely practical when it comes to how she sees her place in society, which implies some self-confidence issues. Phoebe is more idealistic, and independent, but still hopes for a match fit for a storybook. But, towards the end, Sibella demonstrates she is more than a vain god-digger, afraid of losing the man she loves and willing to potentially compromise her image to save him, while Phoebe shows that she is not nearly as innocent or naive as the people around her consider her to be.

I interpreted the two women’s characterisations as thus; Sibella believes she is bound by society’s view of her. Phoebe does not. This, I believed, needed to be the focus.

Which is where we introduce…

The Whole Werewolf Thing

“[Post-modern Gothic] warns us to be suspicious of monster hunters, monster makers, and above all, discourses invested in purity and innocence. The monster always represents the disruption of categories, the destruction of boundaries, and the presence of impurities and so we need monsters and we need to recognize and celebrate our own monstrosities.”  - J Halberstam, Skin Shows: Gothic Horror and the Technology of Monsters

I gave a number of possible causes of the D’Ysquith ‘family curse’, if it is one – the actions of the first countess, Gregory D’Ysquith burning down a monastery (divine punishment is a possible cause), but I never gave a specific answer. I think I might be operating on the logic of the original Bisclavret – it’s irrelevant.

The reason there isn’t is because I intended it as a metaphor – which I think I’ve made clear with my chapter updates here (though you don’t have to read it that way, Death of the Author and all that), but I never quite decided and what it was a metaphor for. In terms of this particular narrative, it can be read as a metaphor for feminism, and/or a metaphor for same-sex attraction.

Feminism

Edwardian Era England, where A Gentleman’s Guide takes place, is not overly-represented in fiction. Not surprising, considering it’s a pretty short time period between the surprisingly long Victorian era and the world-changing events of World War One. However, when you think of that time period, a certain group tends to come to mind – the suffragettes.

(Just a note. Agatha D’Ascoyne, the character from Kind Hearts and Coronets who inspired Hyacinth D’Ysquith in the musical, was a suffragette. She has no lines, apart from “Shush!” – Deeds, Not Words.)

We know what these people wanted – Votes for Women. They were not prepared to wait for society to change to get it, and when peaceful protest was ignored, they began to act out. They refused to fit into their role of quiet, demure, loyal wives, and for some groups, this was seen as threatening. Anti-suffragette cartoons of the time often depicted these women as old, ugly and/or selfish for wanting similar rights to men instead of accepting their place as a ‘lesser being’.

The point I am trying to make is, being in defiance of the role you are expected to play – which Sibella is afraid to show – was seen by many to be ugly. Beastly.

Phoebe runs Henry’s country estate for him. Phoebe flaunts societal expectations by proposing to Monty, instead of waiting for him to propose, the ‘proper’ way to do things. While she is feminine, she does not fit the idea of what a woman ‘should be’.

Sibella makes a point to meet her obligations as a wife, though she does surreptitiously carry on an affair. She sacrifices her own happiness to get what she wants in a socially acceptable way. She has no intention of leaving Lionel in the source material, but she convinces herself that a rich, good-looking, polite man – what society thinks of as the ideal male – is what she wants, and realises on her wedding day that it isn’t.

And goes through with it anyway.

When she can no longer fit that mould, when she refuses to go along with Lionel’s plan to leech off the countess, when she undermines and argues with her husband, that’s when things start happening. Indeed, her ‘beastly’ outbursts manifest as standing up for herself. She ends the story as a much happier and self-assured person than she was at the beginning, and attempts to bring justice to other women.

Same-Sex Attraction

This is a bit more straightforward. We’re coming right off the back of the Victorian era here, where Oscar Wilde and others like him got their lives ruined. Same-sex relationships aren’t viewed in a positive light at all at this time – you like the same gender? Off to prison with you, deviant!

As people that were (and often still are) villainised, misunderstood and attacked for the crime of existing, some members of the LGBT community reclaim monsters such as vampires, werewolves and the Babadook as their own as a means of subverting their image in a heteronormative society. Being ‘monstrous’ is not bad. Being different is fine. You may feel malformed and wrong, but you are not. You and your quirks are accepted.

For some, the ones to fear are those who appear in the daylight.

Sibella, for all her talk of being a monster, only fights back when threatened. Morton has a heart attack when put in the position of his victims, subverting the formula he’s used to. Lionel, fearing that Sibella will leave him and damage his image, resorts to violence against Sibella and several other women he sees as substitutes for her. Mary attempts to murder Sibella for getting in the way of a monogamous man-woman relationship. In her eyes, Sibella is an irredeemable villain, but Phoebe can be ‘fixed’.

If you want to look deeper into this link between horror and the LGBT community, here’s a video essay discussing gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender representation in horror films.

There are only a few non-metaphorical references to werewolves. The wolf head in Eugenia’s dower house is a family member – as previously mentioned, wolves went extinct in England during the reign of Henry VII. St Hubert’s Key is a charm that more often than not looks like a nail, and was supposed to be able to rid the body of disease caused by a dog or wolf bite. There is some science behind this – the metal was heated before being pressed to the wound, and, if the subject was at risk of contracting rabies from the injury, the heat would likely sterilise and cauterise the potential infection site.

Not the First Murder-y Heir

There are a couple of characters named or directly taken from Israel Rank – Autobiography of a Criminal, the inspiration for Kind Hearts and Coronets and A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder. I’ve compared these works before, so I’ll just go over those that appear here.

Esther (Lane) – The third object of Israel Rank’s affections, and a governess. Knows more than she’s letting on in Israel Rank, and in this story as well.

James “Jim” Morton – Appears for about a page to explain Israel’s disillusionment with the ideal male – while Morton seems great to some, he really isn’t. Since Jim only appears as a child in the book, his characterisation here is drastically different.

Lord and Lady Pebworth – Almost directly lifted from the book, with Lady Pebworth being a bad singer and Lord Pebworth an older gentleman who lets his wife get away with a lot. The difference here is that Israel introduces the Hollands to the Pebworths, while the Pebworths are hoping the Hollands introduce them to Lord and Lady Navarro.

Sir Anthony Cross – Quiet, very well-off, slightly older gentleman who is quite taken by Sibella, but it doesn’t go anywhere. Acquaintance of the Pebworths. Pretty much the same guy.

Ethel D’Ysquith (Gascoyne) – An ancestor Israel is quite taken with, not only due to the resemblance between the two. He’s made the 3rd Earl of Highhurst because I didn’t feel like making an imaginary preceding title (Monty is only the 9th Earl, while the 10th Earl Gascoyne is about five generations before Israel – Ethel was the 6th Earl) and the 2nd Earl, Roland, had already been named in the musical. Phoebe’s description of him is meant to heavily imply he was also a werewolf. If I had read the book before fleshing out the D’Ysquith family tree, he would have taken the role that the first countess plays in the narrative’s events (Ethel Gascoyne hid in a tower with an Italian magician for 20 years).

Kate Falconer – The character who would later be known as ‘Boat Girl’ in Kind Hearts and Coronets and Evangeline Barley in A Gentleman’s Guide. Her great crime is to go on holiday with her boyfriend, and gets poisoned for her troubles. She survives here, and I used her to try a formatting technique (while she speaks, none of her dialogue is in quotes: in a way, she is voiceless).

(Sir) Cheveley Drummond, (Lady) Enid Branksome, and Catherine Goodsall – only mentioned briefly. Drummond is described as handsome and ‘interesting’ by Israel, Lady Enid is a young woman from a penniless but aristocratic family, and Catherine Goodsall in an actress whose abusive husband was beaten so badly by a Gascoyne he joined the navy and never came back to land.

In addition, Lionel’s later characterisation comes directly from Kind Hearts and Coronets, since he gets  almost none in the musical. His breakdown in Chapter 11 follows his emotional journey when asking for a loan – affability, begging, threatening suicide, insults and physical violence.

Literary References:

Not always relevant, but there is a wide enough variety that I’m collecting them.

Every chapter title, and the tagline of the work, comes from Manners and Social Usages by Mary Elizabeth (Mrs. John) Sherwood. It’s a bit out of date by the time of this story (written in 1884), but Sherwood does have some great phrases in her etiquette handbook.

Ruddigore is mentioned in chapter 2, only because it is a musical theatre production (opera) where ancestors play a role and family expectations are subverted.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Hamlet. It’s Hamlet.

When in the chronicle of wasted time, I see descriptions of the fairest wights, and beauty making beautiful old rhyme in praise of ladies dead, and lovely knights...  Shakespeare’s Sonnets, Number 106.

I desire, and I crave… Fragment from Sappho’s poetry.

The countess closes her book; something by a George Reynolds. George W. M. Reynolds wrote Wagner the Wher-Wolf (with that spelling) in 1857.

I met a lady in the meads, full beautiful, a faery’s child: Her hair was long, her foot was light, and her eyes were wild. La Belle Dame sans Merci (The beautiful lady without mercy) by John Keats.

Sibella also briefly mentions Algernon Blackwood, a supernatural fiction writer who wrote a short story about a werewolf (portrayed quite differently here) that a character in 1909 could have possibly read (the story was first published in 1908).

In addition, the whole story is named after a very early depiction of a sympathetic werewolf, Bisclavret by Marie de France (and the most direct I think I’ve ever been with a title). It depicts, naturally, a werewolf (who is also a knight, because not being human doesn’t disqualify you from doing that – cutting social commentary for the 12th century) who is trapped in his wolf form after being tricked by his wife and her lover. Through chivalric behaviour to the king on a hunt, he works himself back into the royal court and, when his former wife pays a visit, bites off her nose. The king thinks the sudden aggressive behaviour from his pet prompts further investigation, the wife reveals all, and the knight is restored to human form. Also, all of the wife’s children are born without noses from then on. Lionel getting his nose bitten off is a reference to this poem.

Uncategorised Trivia

This work was written with the UK spellings of certain words, because it takes place in England. Previous works all took place in the US, and so used US spelling.

Les Patineurs Valse is French for The Skater’s Waltz. Reference to Asquith Jr. and Evangeline Barley.

All of the racehorse names Sibella finds are either variations, anagrams or synonyms of actual racehorses in the Victorian and Edwardian eras. Sir Hugh is Sir Huon, Gil Owen is Neil Gow, Irish Lass is Irish Lad, Supervision is Oversight and Pinnacle is Meridian.

Lionel was right to be concerned about Phoebe’s flower arrangement. Red begonias represent love, lavender-coloured heathers represent admiration and loneliness (and are a reference to another fandom I write for), tuberoses are symbolic of wild or forbidden passion (and was commonly used as a funeral flower), and verbena is reference to romance and sweet memories. The dead foliage is meant to mean sadness. Overall, the intended meaning is I miss you, my love.

[snail-giggles]

This is me - The coming out story

This is my random, sheltered little tale of self discovery. I had it easy compared to some, but I wrote this while feeling like a piece of dirt.

If by some miracle you know me IRL and read this and think “She’s talking about me. Ew/OMG.” Sorry…can’t change anything now. It has happened and this is my truth. Your truth may be different, and that is ok…but this is mine.

So, read on if you want to… or ignore this is you wanna. I’m sharing this with the void so I can’t hide anymore, and it’s easier to have pride when you’re not hiding. I think this covers week 4’s theme for @fander-pride-meetup . Whatever.

This is me

I walked around blind. I didn’t even realise just how blind I was.

I idolised her. She was smart. She was a talented artist. She was thin. Her hair was long and shone in the sun.

I’m not gay.

I was short. I was round. I was quiet. I lacked talent. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good at anything.

She had a boyfriend. I hated him. He wasn’t good enough. Did he care for her? Would he protect her? He never stopped me from hurting him, so clearly, he wasn’t going to protect her. I was happy when he left.

I’m not gay.

New friends. They are nice, but I still think of her. I still do everything for her. Others are in relationships that I don’t understand. Why are they kissing right now? Do they really need to do that every day? Can’t we all just sit here and talk without you stopping every 5 minutes to kiss or touch?

These are normal thoughts, right?

I am late to school to hang out with her. I get up early but switch to the late bus just to be with her. I don’t want to go to school alone. It’s ok. I just have to run up to the third floor to drop off my things, run back down and to the other side of the school to get to class. That’s the only downfall. My teacher is always angry, but it’s worth it for her. She would do it for me, right? …… No, she wouldn’t.

I’m not gay.

She tells me a guy likes her. I kind of like him too, even though it’s weird how much he kissed his last girlfriend. We say he is off limits. We say it’s wrong because he just broke our friend’s heart. But you broke my heart by deciding to date him. You hurt me. I still adore you though.

I’m not gay.

This is the second boy I’ve watched you date. The first one was weak. I test this one. I hurt him with jokes and tricks. He fights back, so I guess that means he is strong enough to protect you. I guess it’s ok you date him. He is a good friend. He and I get close, but I still feel lost without you. Why aren’t I good enough? I do so much, and you still don’t see me.

I’m not gay.

I get judged for not dating. I do try a little. I meet up and message an old friend. He is not like me though. Our worlds and values are too different. It wouldn’t work. I didn’t trust him. He wasn’t for me. Where is my teenage romance? This isn’t like the books or movies. I’m leaving school single.

I am straight.

I’m meeting new people, but the old friends remain. I’m loving her less now… the feeling almost gone. She isn’t good enough for me. She doesn’t deserve me. I meet a new friend and she is amazing. The feeling is different. She respects me and I respect her.

But I’m not gay.

A boy asks me out. I pour out my heart. Is this the beginning of my romance? No. He was only interested in things. I couldn’t give him everything. He said he liked me before the weekend, but after the weekend he was with someone else. Why would he do that? He said he liked me.

What is wrong with me?

My new friend is filling me with knowledge. She is so strong. Her friends judge me for being innocent, but she doesn’t. She defends me. She makes me feel valid. She teaches me about the LGBT community that she knows. It’s not a scary place.

I’m… I’m not gay.

The study sessions with her are the highlight of my life. Our hugs make me feel special. I respect her. She respects me. I look forward to the late nights at her house, that turn into mornings hiding from the world under blankets. She is straight. She likes boys.

Am I gay?

No. No. I don’t want to have sex with her. That means I’m not… I am straight. I am straight. I am straight.

I’m happy being single.

I’ll find a girl, person, guy soon.

I. AM. STRAIGHT.

I move away; she does too. We are so far away. My new roommates make me try Tinder. I don’t understand it. How do you know if you like someone just by looking at them?

I am judged.

I am wrong.

I am broken.

I get to see her again. It is like no time has passed. We talk for hours. I’m happy when it is just the two of us. Everyone else judges me. She never would.

But I’m not gay…..

I lock my heart down. Who needs love anyway? It only opens when I see her. I am lonely though. My co-workers are friendly, but the age gap makes connecting tough. How much longer until everything makes sense? I’m not lonely when I go back and visit her. When we get together, my heart is unlocked; but I lock it back up when we are apart.

I am straight.

New people come to town. Their age is closer to mine. They are nice. Yes, they laugh at my innocence, but it is not to judge. They teach me words and I think about the world she told me about.

What does it mean to be LGBT?

Time is passing. I am growing older. I pull down the wall a little. I start to think. I read a piece of fanfiction and suddenly the wall is cracked. Fanfiction. Of all things, it was fanfiction that got me to start connecting the dots. The way the character talks…It feels familiar.

Google Search: _________

.

.

.

There is so much more than I could ever have imagined. It’s not just four letters. Lesbian. Gay. Bisexual. Transgender. Queer. Intersex. Asexual. Pansexual. Bigender. Aromantic.

The list goes on.

The wall crumbles. I am raw. Blindness clearing. I review everything. Feelings. Thoughts. I see them in a new light. These thoughts are ok. These feelings are normal. Others have felt the same.

It takes time.

A lot of reading.

A lot of questioning.

I casually talk to others about the character in the fanfic and how they identify. I want to see what people think. I want to know if they think it is ok.

Getting answers was emotional. I kept it all inside. I processed everything. I was raw with my heart and mind so open.

I said my labels out loud.

“I’m not straight. I am a biromantic asexual.”

It felt strange to say. Wrong but right.

The internet knew first. Luckily, I don’t have many IRL friends online. Feeling safe, the words started slipping out.

“I’m asexual.” – that needed a lot of explaining.

“I’m a biromantic asexual.” – that needed even more explaining.

“I’m bi-ace.” “So, does that just mean you’re a bisexual?” “I guess, to put it simply, yes.”

I have been lucky. My parents have accepted me. The co-workers who I have told accept me. I am closer to the friends I have told.

I am ok with me.

There are still people to tell and I know not all of them will accept me…but if they don’t…I know who to turn to: my mum will say she loves me, my friends will say that they support me, and the communities I follow online will remind me to have pride 🏳️‍🌈.

So,

My name is *Snail🐌*. I use she/her pronouns, but I don’t mind them/they either. I’m 25 years young and still learning about myself. I’m a teacher, a beginning writer, and I identify as a biromantic asexual.

I am valid.

So are you.

[famous-aces]

Frédéric Chopin

Who: Frédéric François Chopin (born Fryderyk Franciszek Chopin)

What: Composer

Where: Polish, active in France and the UK

When: March 1, 1810 - October 17, 1849

Chopin is one of the most famous names in music to the point that an incredibly unmusical cretin like me is well aware of him. He is one of the quintessential musicians of the Romantic era and was piano virtuoso.  Over 230 compositions of his survive to this day, many of them recognizable to an international audience and acclaim. At the very least, if you are in the Western world (or at least if you have watched something produced in the West that contains a death in it), you know one of his pieces: "Piano Sonata No. 2", better known as the "Funeral March".

Some other 19th century hits include: "Étude Op. 10, No. 12 in C minor 'Revolutionary'", "Waltz in D-flat major, Op. 64, No. 1, 'the Minute Waltz'", "Życzenie (A Young Girl's Wish), Op. 74, No. 1", and literally over 200 others, many recognizable to the modern lay listener.

Probable Orientation: Aroace or (arguably) had romantic feelings for George Sand

While I had a hard time pinning down his romantic orientation Chopin's sexual orientation was pretty easy. He is another famous virgin (if you will forgive the term) and baffled friends and fans alike in his chastity. He was, with the exception of maybe Queen Elizabeth I the easiest historical figure on the list.  Not only were his sexual exploits (i.e. lack thereof) a popular topic of speculation he did have a few things to say about it. He refused sexual advances from all angles, much to the confusion of the people he spurned.  Often the questions of Franz Liszt and George Sand are raised, there is no evidence he had any romantic or sexual contact with Liszt, maybe a crush or squish at most.

Sand is a more complicated issue.  George Sand was a French author and in her day more famous and well loved than Victor Hugo or Honore de Balzac.  But just pegging down Sand's gender is tricky in a modern context.*  While she is referred to as a woman her contemporary, Victor Hugo, argued Sand "cannot determine whether she is male or female. I entertain a high regard for all my colleagues, but it is not my place to decide whether she is my sister or my brother.”. So if Chopin was romantically entangled with Sand it is impossible to say whether that would make him gay or straight or if gender even factored into his interest.

And it is difficult to say if Sand and Chopin were romantically involved or if that was read into their relationship. Chopin seemed to say they were not.

Sand herself was probably bisexual and had many lovers over her life. Chopin is listed as one of them, but Sand noted that it was not typical and certainly not physical. It's not even clear if Chopin's feelings were anything more than platonic.

While his romantic orientation might be unclear his sexual orientation is not. Quotes straight from Chopin himself close the issue of his sexual orientation pretty firmly, however:

"My[,] Scotswomen are kind...They are kind, but so boring that the Lord preserve them! - Every day I get letters, and answer none of them; and wherever I go, they come after me if they can. Perhaps that has given someone the notion that I am getting married; but there really has to be some kind of physical attrait [attraction], and the unmarried one is too much like me...Friendship is all very well, but gives no right to anything further. I have made that clear.

"Even if I could fall in love with someone, as I should be glad to do, still I would not marry…

"Anyhow, I don't need to write you all this, for you know how I think - [crossed out]. So I don't think at all of a wife, but of home, of my Mother, my Sisters. May God keep them in His good thoughts. Meanwhile, what has become of my art?...

"I am not complaining to you, but since you have asked, I explain to you that I am nearer to a coffin than to a marriage bed…"

-Chopin letter to Wojciech Grzymala, October 1848

"...Mrs. Lyschinska says that Chopin was gallant to all ladies alike, but thinks that he has no heart. She used to tease him about women, saying, for instance, that Miss [Jane] Sterling was a particular friend of his. He replied that he had no particular friends among the ladies, that he gave to all an equal share of his attention…

"'Not even George Sand then,' she asked 'is a particular friend?'

"'Not even George Sand,' was the reply."

-Frederick Niecks, Chopin (1888) quoting a friend of Chopin

*Sand was AFAB in an era before transgender people were recognized. She went by female pronouns and as far as I can tell referred to herself as a woman, but who can say what she would do today. She acted out male gender roles, and often wore "male" clothing, although Sand argued this was because the clothing was sturdier and cheaper than what a noblewoman were supposed to wear at the time (certainly true).  She went into male spaces and carried out male roles. She went by George Sand (her male pen name) rather than her birth name even off the page.

[image description: Image 1: a photo of Chopin by Louis-Auguste Bisson in 1849. In is a faded black and white photo showing a white man with a pained expression on his face. He has a high forehead, a largish nose, and a round chin. He has dark hair parted to the side that falls around his ears.  He is wearing a suit and has his hands on his lap.

Image 2: Chopin Playing The Piano In Prince Radziwill's Salon by Hendrik Siemiradzki (1887). It shows a crowded room filled with well dressed men and women gathered around Chopin seated and playing the piano.

End ID]

[dunmertitty]

“why are you mad at taylor swift? she’s openly supporting lgbtq+ people?”

she’s literally no different than the brands that “support” us for woke points and then actually do nothing during any other month. she’s using us to get money.

she’s using us as props.

allyship would be taking all her proceeds from the song and video and donating them to lgbtq+ charity.

like lin manuel miranda and jennifer lopez did with “love make the world go round” (not to mention lin also set up a raffle so that if you donated $10 to planned parenthood, WHOS IS LGBTQ INCLUSIVE, you could get a chance to win a free hamilton ticket)

cynthia nixon, a cis bisexual woman married to a woman and has a trans son, donated a SHITTON of money to planned parenthood to be used ONLY for trans people without insurance to be seen by the doctors (she’s the reason my initial hrt visit was 100% free)

cher, who has a transgender son, donates to GLAAD and American Foundation for AIDS Research

lady gaga, a bisexual icon, donates to a fuck ton of lgbtq+ charities AND MADE HER OWN

like if you wanna be considered a gay icon OR EVEN AN ALLY you have to do the FUCKING WORK

you can’t just act like any other brand and shit on gay people every month EXCEPT pride month

[1-1snailxd-art]

This is me Part 2 - The coming out story

This is the tamer continuation of This is me Part 1 - What on Earth has been happening.

This is my random, sheltered little tale of self discovery. I had it easy compared to some, but I wrote this while feeling like a piece of dirt.

If by some miracle you know me IRL and read this and think “She’s talking about me. Ew/OMG.” Sorry...can’t change anything now. It has happened and this is my truth. Your truth may be different, and that is ok...but this is mine.

So, read on if you want to... or ignore this is you wanna. I’m sharing this with the void so I can’t hide anymore.

This is me

I walked around blind. I didn’t even realise just how blind I was.

I idolised her. She was smart. She was a talented artist. She was thin. Her hair was long and shone in the sun.

I’m not gay.

I was short. I was round. I was quiet. I lacked talent. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good at anything.

She had a boyfriend. I hated him. He wasn’t good enough. Did he care for her? Would he protect her? He never stopped me from hurting him, so clearly, he wasn’t going to protect her. I was happy when he left.

I’m not gay.

New friends. They are nice, but I still think of her. I still do everything for her. Others are in relationships that I don’t understand. Why are they kissing right now? Do they really need to do that every day? Can’t we all just sit here and talk without you stopping every 5 minutes to kiss or touch?

These are normal thoughts, right?

I am late to school to hang out with her. I get up early but switch to the late bus just to be with her. I don’t want to go to school alone. It’s ok. I just have to run up to the third floor to drop off my things, run back down and to the other side of the school to get to class. That’s the only downfall. My teacher is always angry, but it’s worth it for her. She would do it for me, right? ...... No, she wouldn’t.

I’m not gay.

She tells me a guy likes her. I kind of like him too, even though it’s weird how much he kissed his last girlfriend. We say he is off limits. We say it’s wrong because he just broke our friend’s heart. But you broke my heart by deciding to date him. You hurt me. I still adore you though.

I’m not gay.

This is the second boy I’ve watched you date. The first one was weak. I test this one. I hurt him with jokes and tricks. He fights back, so I guess that means he is strong enough to protect you. I guess it’s ok you date him. He is a good friend. He and I get close, but I still feel lost without you. Why aren’t I good enough? I do so much, and you still don’t see me.

I’m not gay.

I get judged for not dating. I do try a little. I meet up and message an old friend. He is not like me though. Our worlds and values are too different. It wouldn’t work. I didn’t trust him. He wasn’t for me. Where is my teenage romance? This isn’t like the books or movies. I’m leaving school single.

I am straight.

I’m meeting new people, but the old friends remain. I’m loving her less now… the feeling almost gone. She isn’t good enough for me. She doesn’t deserve me. I meet a new friend and she is amazing. The feeling is different. She respects me and I respect her.

But I’m not gay.

A boy asks me out. I pour out my heart. Is this the beginning of my romance? No. He was only interested in things. I couldn’t give him everything. He said he liked me before the weekend, but after the weekend he was with someone else. Why would he do that? He said he liked me.

What is wrong with me?

My new friend is filling me with knowledge. She is so strong. Her friends judge me for being innocent, but she doesn’t. She defends me. She makes me feel valid. She teaches me about the LGBT community that she knows. It’s not a scary place.

I’m… I’m not gay.

The study sessions with her are the highlight of my life. Our hugs make me feel special. I respect her. She respects me. I look forward to the late nights at her house, that turn into mornings hiding from the world under blankets. She is straight. She likes boys.

Am I gay?

No. No. I don’t want to have sex with her. That means I’m not... I am straight. I am straight. I am straight.

I’m happy being single.

I’ll find a girl, person, guy soon.

I. AM. STRAIGHT.

I move away; she does too. We are so far away. My new roommates make me try Tinder. I don’t understand it. How do you know if you like someone just by looking at them?

I am judged.

I am wrong.

I am broken.

I get to see her again. It is like no time has passed. We talk for hours. I’m happy when it is just the two of us. Everyone else judges me. She never would.

But I’m not gay.....

I lock my heart down. Who needs love anyway? It only opens when I see her. I am lonely though. My co-workers are friendly, but the age gap makes connecting tough. How much longer until everything makes sense? I’m not lonely when I go back and visit her. When we get together, my heart is unlocked; but I lock it back up when we are apart.

I am straight.

New people come to town. Their age is closer to mine. They are nice. Yes, they laugh at my innocence, but it is not to judge. They teach me words and I think about the world she told me about.

What does it mean to be LGBT?

Time is passing. I am growing older. I pull down the wall a little. I start to think. I read a piece of fanfiction and suddenly the wall is cracked. Fanfiction. Of all things, it was fanfiction that got me to start connecting the dots. The way the character talks…It feels familiar.

Google Search: _________

.

.

.

There is so much more than I could ever have imagined. It’s not just four letters. Lesbian. Gay. Bisexual. Transgender. Queer. Intersex. Asexual. Pansexual. Bigender. Aromantic.

The list goes on.

The wall crumbles. I am raw. Blindness clearing. I review everything. Feelings. Thoughts. I see them in a new light. These thoughts are ok. These feelings are normal. Others have felt the same.

It takes time.

A lot of reading.

A lot of questioning.

I casually talk to others about the character in the fanfic and how they identify. I want to see what people think. I want to know if they think it is ok.

Getting answers was emotional. I kept it all inside. I processed everything. I was raw with my heart and mind so open.

I said my labels out loud.

“I’m not straight. I am a biromantic asexual.”

It felt strange to say. Wrong but right.

The internet knew first. Luckily, I don’t have many IRL friends online. Feeling safe, the words started slipping out.

“I’m asexual.” – that needed a lot of explaining.

“I’m a biromantic asexual.” – that needed even more explaining.

“I’m bi-ace.” “So, does that just mean you’re a bisexual?” “I guess, to put it simply, yes.”

 I have been lucky. My parents have accepted me. The co-workers who I have told accept me. I am closer to the friends I have told.

I am ok with me.

There are still people to tell and I know not all of them will accept me…but if they don’t…I know who to turn to: my mum will say she loves me, my friends will say that they support me, and the communities I follow online will remind me to have pride 🏳️‍🌈.

 So,

My name is *Snail🐌*. I use she/her pronouns, but I don’t mind them/they either. I’m 25 years young and still learning about myself. I’m a teacher, a beginning writer, and I identify as a biromantic asexual.

I am valid.

So are you.

[podle5]

It is a weird time to contemplate celebrating the Fourth of July.  It has never really struck me as a celebration of independence, but instead a celebration of America, being an American, and what that means.

There is a narrative out there that wants to define what being American means.  That narrative paints a picture of a working class, white family.  The values of that narrative are conservative values, values that advertise themselves as being Christian, family oriented, and moral.  That narrative is not only massively exclusionary but an outright, bold-faced, dangerous lie.  It is a lie that tells who gets a seat at the table.  It is a lie that tries to re-invent the past, to paint it as a wonderful time when American was great.  It is the same lie that told me, growing up, that people of color are universally poorly educated, not as smart as white people.  It is the same lie that taught me that women only had one role in all of this - and that role was based on supporting men, on being held to a strict standard of behavior - on being either virginal or maternal.

I feel like the current administration is telling us who gets to be Good Americans,  who gets a seat at the table.  That there is no place at the table for people that deviate from their concept of what that is.  Muslim?  No seat for you.  Black?  Nope.  Transgender?  Absolutely not.  I could go on, but hey - we all already know the laundry list that's coming, right?  Honestly, I feel like the Republican party is telling us who gets to be American at all.  Regardless of citizenship status.  

The temptation to walk away from all of this is huge.  To hide my head in the sand.  To stop watching or reading the news, to seriously contemplate moving to Canada.  I live in a small town.  I am fortunate, in that it is a fairly liberal small town.  Every year there's a Fourth of July parade.  It goes on pretty much forever.  And this year I found myself thinking that maybe I shouldn't go.  I mean, what's to celebrate about being American this year?  I don't think I've ever been more ashamed of my country in my life - and that's counting the amazing moral low points of the Reagan and Bush administrations.  I am an American.  This is still my country.  I'm female, I'm bisexual, I'm childless.  I believe fervently in the civil rights of all of us.  All. Of.  Us.  I don't feel like celebrating my country much right now - but I also refuse to cede the field.   So, come Wednesday, I will be sitting curbside with my sun hat on.  I'm going to stand up and cheer our veterans.  I'm going to applaud wildly for the Sikh Riders of America, for the wonderful Los Amigos Vaquero on their beautiful horses.  I'm going to smile and wave at the high school bands, and the samba dancers, the karate dojo kids in their cute little gi, and local bike shop and the hundreds of other groups.  I am not ceding the field or letting someone else tell me what it means to be an American.

I don't know how the fuck we're going to get out of this shit storm - or even if we will.  But I know I can't give up.  There's a wonderful quote from the Talmud that's been making the rounds lately, and it's been essential for me in keeping my perspective and staying the course: “Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.” – From The Talmud, 303.