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modelbus · 1 year ago

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I've been in the worst writing slump... so I've defaulted to Kaz Brekker (oops). This didn't get as far as I wanted it to, but it's about 2k words!

Be warned: This contains death (murder), kidnapping, violence, skin trading, mentioned sex work, human trafficking (called "the skin trade" in here), weaponry, and I think that's it!

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Gn!Reader

Tricked Target

Time is as good as the kruge in your pockets in the Barrel. You know this well, considering you have little of both; money and time. Or perhaps you have too much time. It simply depends on how one sees it, you suppose.

Someone might take you pouring over papers on a desk as a waste of time. See the mahogany wood, stained dark, and curl their lips as the sheer money it must've taken to buy.

Someone else might realize this isn't your office, isn't your desk, and keep their mouth shut.

Tonight, that happens to be an unfortunate man named Zade Oren. Tied in his leather chair, black ropes expertly woven, a gag stuffed in his mouth, and both Achilles slashed for good measure, he learned his lesson.

Don't piss you off.

And although he isn't technically keeping his mouth shut of his own free will, it still technically counts. You give him the slightest of glances, just enough to monitor the tears dripping down his face from wide eyes, before returning to the papers you're rifling through.

"This would be easier if you had just cooperated." You muse aloud, flicking through a ledger before abandoning it. "But you guys never do."

He makes a pathetic sort of whimpering that makes you grin.

You aren't a bad person. After all, you only enjoy the blood on your hands when it's from the right person. The type of person you have at your mercy right now, for example. If anything, you're as close to good as it gets in the barrel. A type of vigilante, rather than one of the profit-seeking groups.

Dime Lions, Black Tips, Razorgulls, The Liddies, Harley's Pointers. Now those are some bad organizations. You're still on the fence about The Dregs; you've seen them do as much good as they have bad. Mostly due to the smaller organization within them. Or maybe the Crows aren't part of the Dregs anymore; you don't care. They're not of interest to you.

"Ah. Here we go." You hum, finding a record of a transaction. Zade gives a feeble cry. Useless, these men who beg for their lives. As if you'll ever give them back.

The transaction seems harmless enough. Four pearls for a sum of money. A sum far too large to be worth even some really fucking nice pearls. And, most importantly, names of the buyer and seller. Your eyes ghost over Zade's name as the buyer, focusing on the seller's name instead.

Then, you crumple up the paper and stuffs it in your pocket.

Pearls. What a stupid code name. The sellers determine it, and they're never very creative with code names. Always something valuable, never something believable.

All it takes is one person (you, in this case) to see what it really means.

Kids.

"I should be going, I think." You finally say, straightening. "Don't worry, don't worry. No more people need to get hurt anymore."

Zade slumps in relief, and you let a wicked grin stretch over your face.

"Oh, no, you've misunderstood. No people will be harmed by me tonight. But you're not really a person, are you?" Your head tilts, watching the panic wash over his features.

Like a cat toying with a mouse, you are. It's just so amusing though, to witness the fear. To let them experience what they've instilled in so many others. That despair? It's precious.

Your knife is sinking into his chest before he can protest any more. Pushing past the hard bone, sinking into his heart with a sick squelch. By the time you pull it out, he's already dead.

"Fool." You sigh, leaving him there and striding over to the window. Let his guards find him later, you don't care.

And when you hoist yourself out the window, scaling onto the roof, the office is almost as you found it. Only his dead body and a note to proclaim the kill as justified.

It reads the same as always: Hurt a kid and I'll hurt you next.

The Avenger is the name people like to call you. Or the rumors of you. Most of Ketterdam has the wrong ideas about you, but you aren't fixing to correct them. False assumptions only make your job far easier.

Honestly, you'd rather be called a protector. But avenger works just as fine. It gets the point across.

A shiver runs up your spine when you're standing on the rooftop, but a cursory glance around shows nobody. You didn't expect it to, but still. The feeling of eyes following you has only gotten stronger recently, but seeing as nobody has attempted to kill you yet you assume it's fine.

Some people are just too curious for their own good and like being spies. As long as they aren't fucking up your plans, you really don't care. Honestly. The feeling of eyes is perfectly fine with you.

"You could say hi. I don't bite." You murmur into the still air, but to no avail.

The feeling doesn't leave as you head back to your home, a dingy apartment near a lot of the gambling dens. It's rented from a landlord who couldn't give less of a shit—she's never met the guy—which was perfect for you. And the place was cheap, which was a big bonus. Not that you were hurting for money, because you had no problems about stealing from those you killed, but you preferred to use it for better things.

Like buying new knives.

Dropping back down to the alleys, your feet hit the cobbles without a single sound. Subtlety was an art form, one everyone had to perfect in the barrel. Unless they were rich enough to get away without it, but you were not. Sadly.

There's footsteps behind her, and you turn to glare at the stranger. Give them a silent warning to mind their own fucking business.

Luck is not on your side today though, because they lunge at you with outstretched hands and a knife. You dodge, slamming your body into a wall to avoid the attack, hands scrambling for your own daggers.

The attacker is big, an ugly snarl stretched out across his mug, a beard covering half his face. Professional, if you had to guess, and definitely after you. Oh, joy.

This time, you don't give him the opening he wants. You dart forward, metal gleaming, knowing that the only way to walk away is to remove the obstacle in your path. In other words: kill him.

You both scramble, your knife digging into his forearm due to a nicely executed move on his part, but you abandon it in his arm to stab at him with another. A hand on your arm, metal meeting metal, it's a raw fight. Evenly matched.

But you must be off, must be mentally occupied, because you don't hear the footsteps behind you until it's too late. It's not until something slams into your head, sending you staggering with black spots, do you realize someone else is here.

"And that's meant to be the Avenger?" The person behind you scoffs.

"They put up a pretty good fight before you came in." Burly guy answers, stepping toward you.

His shoes are the last thing you see before your eyes roll back.

There's a hood over your head.

When you blinks your eyes open, you're met with complete and utter darkness. Although you want to panic—desperately—you don't. You can feel the ropes tying you to some type of chair, your wrists pulled together behind the back of it and your ankles tied to the legs of the chair.

Panicking now wouldn't do anything for you, so you just sit in silence.

But you're frustrated. So frustrated that you let your guard drop, that you've gotten yourself into this situation. You refuse to be another Mar, refuses to be the second Avenger that befalls the fate they tried to prevent.

"Makes sense now why he's wanting 'em." Someone is saying, and you try to subtly tilt your head to listen in. "He's always collecting 'em dangerous skinny ones."

"Putting together his own little menagerie." A second voice joins in, laughing.

The words have you tensing, against all instincts. Are they selling you to the menagerie?

Everyone knows what the menagerie is. Girls, tricked into sex work—and sometimes men—and people all too willing to take advantage of them. One of the things you worked against, and, subsequently, one of your worst nightmares.

"Serves this one right. Sardonic, isn't it?"

"You mean ironic?"

"What the difference?"

Oh, saints. You haven't just been kidnapped, but you've been kidnapped by idiots.

"Both of you stop. He'll be here soon." And that's a third voice. Only two people grabbed you, and you're willing to bet this third is the boss.

You don't recognize the voice, but you haven't exactly heard the voices of many people that are high in the chain in the Barrel. Not unless it's them begging for life, and you never hear from them again after.

But now you know for certain that they won't be sending you to the actual menagerie at least. The double confirmation is nice, even if the unknown is a whole other worry.

A door opens somewhere, and there's an abrupt rush of footsteps.

"You're early!" Probably boss guy shouts way too loudly. "The Avenger is all ready for you, but still knocked out."

"How long ago did you grab them?" Oh, that's a new voice. Faintly familiar, although you can't tell from where.

It's been a long time since you've felt so helpless. Like things were out of your carefully measured control. Not since you came home to an empty apartment, a person missing from it.

"A few hours." Probably boss answers. You don't need your eyes to know he's leering at you.

"...and how hard did you hit? Saints."

"They're alive, ain't they? Pay up."

"How much did we agree on again?" A cool voice asks, and your head jerks up. You know that voice, you've stalked the owner of that voice.

Kaz Brekker.

"Oh, look at that. It lives." Probably boss laughs cruelly, and you attempt a glare at him through the hood. "And you know how much we agreed on. Hand it over, Brekker."

And there's your confirmation. Your didn't just imagine it; Kaz Brekker is buying you. Why? You've never interfered with his dealings. In fact, after confirming he isn't into the skin deal, you actively stayed out of his business. You definitely didn't need more enemies than you already have.

The sound of Kruge being exchanged, followed by gleeful exclamations, makes you grit your teeth. If Brekker wants a shot at you, he'll have to do a lot more than pay some money.

"Get out." Brekker says after a moment, cutting the guys who kidnapped you off.

"This is our-"

"Get. Out."

Nobody makes him repeat it a third time, as is evidenced by the sound of footsteps fading away.

He's bossy, but he has the power to be. The cool indifference in his tone, the brilliant business plays he's made. Scrappy, like you, but far more powerful. There's a raw hunger in him you don't have; that nobody but him has.

It's scary as hell.

"Untie them."

There's movement around you, and then the hood is yanked off. You squint, blinking a few times, before focusing on the irritatingly put-together man in front of you. Although looking roughly the same age as you, the Barrel makes anyone be adults far too fast.

Brekker stares down at you, gloved hands clasped onto his cane. Behind him, a Suli girl hovers. Inej, his wraith. A spy, as far as anyone knows. Not an assassin. So that means whoever is working on untying you is Jesper.

"You're in quite the situation." He notes dully, but there's a wicked gleam in his eyes.

It only makes you glare harder. "Thanks, I'm aware."

The rope around your wrists falls away and you bring your hands to your lap, but don't move to untie your ankles. There's a sharpshooter behind you and a girl with knives in front of you; You aren't completely stupid. And that's not to mention the damage you know Brekker can do too.

"I have a deal for you." Brekker says after a moment, taking a step forward. He switches his crow-headed cane to his left hand, holding out his right for a handshake.

You don't take it. "What's the deal?"

"I don't think you're in a position to be asking questions."

"What's. The. Deal?"

"Perhaps I didn't make it clear. Take the deal right now, or we'll dump your body in the harbor to drown."

Well. That's not a lot of options. Everyone knows to negotiate all terms of a deal before accepting, but what choice do you have? He's brilliant for this move, and you hate him for it. Saving your life, buying you, just to force you into a deal to live.

Before you can talk yourself out of it, reason why this is such a horrible idea, you're shaking his hand.

"Screw you." You spit out, life-saving be damned. Your grip tightens, just to spite him. Although his lips tug down, he doesn't pull away.

His reply is passive.

"Welcome to the crows."

#soc #six of crows #six of crows kaz #soc kaz #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker #grishaverse #the crows #kazzle dazzle

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thewebcomicsreview · 1 year ago

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Oh wow, Prequel AND Homestuck updated this week? What year is it?

Dehydrated, grieving, and coming off of a particularly nasty sugar high

Sugar high, huh? One of my little theories is that Jane has the lollipop Juju still. Is that a theory? Maybe it was confirmed at some point and is just a thing that happened? I dunno, man, this comic's so long.

JANE: Sigh. JANE: Jake, do you remember when I went to the moon?

Jane's been to like several moons at this point but wait is this in reference to the snapchat epilogues, where Jane was kidnapped by carapcians? Those are actually officially not canon and no longer available, which I supposed makes them appropriate to mention in a story about the nebulous nature of "canon" to stories. Or maybe she's talking about something else.

JAKE: Uuuuuuuuuuuuh. JANE: No? It was a huge deal. JAKE: Was this around the time all those carapacians took a big chunk out of it?

Oh my god, it is referencing the Snapchat epilogues. They ended in a cliffhanger and got deleted, but Jane got kidnapped by someone and sent to the moon, where she met Jack Noir (the one who became Beq Noir) and the Felt who were there for some reason and then the Snapchat comics abruptly stopped and were decanonized so it was never explained.

JANE: Just what did *you* do, besides whimper like a kicked dog, as they took our boy away!? JANE: "TAVVY!" JANE: You can fly, you idiot! JANE: You're such a harmless, dunderheaded fucking nonentity that those seditious connivers would have *let* you tail them! DIRK: (Ouch.) JANE: Everything he has, *I've* provided. JANE: Everything he is, *I've* nurtured! JAKE: (Criminy, bro, she has a death laser.) JAKE: (Like goldfinger.) JANE: Remember how I willed him out of my body, 3 months premature, because I was so excited to see him?

This is Homestuck, so the line about how Jane forced Tavvy to be born early is either a what the fuck random joke like the guy who confessed to Jade he microwaved a hamster, or crucial important foreshadowing that'll pay off in 600 pages. Quite possibly both.

JANE: Across all the iterations of yourself, do you think your children ever felt even a MODICUM of that? JANE: Jade? Terrifying, JANE: I hate even thinking about it. JANE: And I don't doubt for a second that there were more. JANE: How do you imagine they turned out?

Speaking of referencing Other Media, this is an unintentional reference to Grandpa Harley's secret kids from Hiveswap, in particular Joey, who seemed to really hate him and have good reason for doing so. Lot of Expanded Universe references suddenly. It might be that this particular writer has a thing for references, but it might also be setting something up. And earlier update also referenced Pesterquest.

Also, engaging with the text on a non-meta level, yeah, Jake English is top ten worst parents in Homestuck, though he's still beating Jane herself.

Messy Jerry Springer melodrama?! In Candy?! Unprecedented.

JAKE: Gamzee. JAKE: Via some vile cosmic caper or another it is *always* gamzee! JAKE: He found out! JAKE: Started rambling on and on about "how motherfuckin' malicious" it was to see "A dIfFeReNtLy AbLeD bRoThEr MiSsIn' OuT oN tHe NiRvAnA oF tHaT nUtTy MoThErFuCkIn' NeCtAr." DIRK: (Why are you doing the voice?) JAKE: "ThErE's WhOlEsOmE, hOlIsTiC hEaLiNg PrOpErTiEs AlL uP aNd StUfFeD iNtO tHe HaRmOnIoUs UnIoN oF pB aNd J." DIRK: (You don't need to do the voice.) JAKE: "WhAt EvEn Is ThIs SuLtRy BiTcH oF a LiFe WiThOuT a LiTtLe PeAnUt BuTtEr JeLlY tImE?" DIRK: (It'd be so sick if you stopped doing the voice.)

Homestuck characters impersonating each other is always a solid gag.

JAKE: After that, the insane clown started stowing peanuts around the mansion, tricking little tavvy into eating them! JAKE: Poor squirt was thrashing throat-first into anaphylactic shock bi-weekly. JAKE: I epipenned him so many times, i learned needlekind! JAKE: Worried myself as sick as our boy was, just wishing that nutty nightmare would nix. JAKE: Then, wham. JAKE: It did! JAKE: Thank god! JANE: I- JANE: I had no idea. JAKE: Of course you didnt! JAKE: You werent there! JAKE: You might have expelled him into existence with your easy-bake tuna canoe. JAKE: But i kept him alive!

I'm not sure if that's how peanut allergies work, but "easy-bake tuna canoe" sure is a line.

JANE: I didn't even fucking breast feed him! DIRK: (Which is fucking crazy, all things considered.) JANE: I don't... even know what his first word was. JAKE: It was "honk." JANE: Jesus Christ.

This is such a fucking weird family. Also, a very odd attempt at a Jane...redemption arc? I guess it's important to make her more than a Trump analogue, even if there's a worryingly high chance of that reference becoming relevant again soon.

JANE: The rest of you couldn't be trusted! JANE: None of you even bothered to graduate high school! JANE: While you were all being shut-ins, and self-destructing, and fucking... cavorting!!! I was making public appearances. JANE: Somebody had to represent us, so people wouldn't assume the worst! JANE: They waited 5000 years for us, and for what? To see there was no plan, no reason, that none of their gods were really on their side. JANE: I had to become an adult before ANY of you decided to catch up.

I feel like this motivation doesn't really explain the Troll racism. I was kind of hoping that Jane, like Rose, didn't think of Earth C as "real" and was basically just larping as a dictator in their little game, and that's why she helped raise Yiffy. It seems like we're going in the opposite direction? Jane wanted to live up to the status of a God? You can kind of tell this wasn't the original plan for her.

JANE: I even forgave you for Dirk. JAKE: Forgave me for... for being with him? JANE: What? JANE: No, I was always an ally first when it came to that. JANE: What's a... a dalliance between bros, really? DIRK: (Word.)

Everyone in this comic is some kind of lunatic.

JANE: Dirk just never *got* you. JANE: He thought he could figure you out, make all the right moves, and you'd be happy. JANE: But people have to want themselves to be happy. JANE: And the only thing you've ever consistently wanted was to be absolved. JANE: I understand that now. JAKE: ... And? JANE: And I accept you, Jake! JANE: That's why I have confidence our union will endure forever. JANE: You release me of all my doubts. And I can't be disappointed by you. JAKE: Huh...

Jane's....maybe not wrong in her reading of Jake, here. His whole shtick is wanting to be a cool action hero, or at least a respectable dude, and not being able to do so. But Jane's wrong that he can't disappoint her.

JAKE: Do you still need that water tested? JANE: Haha, no. JANE: I drank it all in my hysterics without even noticing. JAKE: And youre okay? JANE: Completely fine! It really was just... water.

This is pretty clearly Thematique™. None of the threats Jane is worried about are ultimately real.

JAKE: Her guard is down... DIRK: And you have a gun. JAKE: I have TWO guns.

I do love, though, that we immediately transition from Jane going "I will love and forgive Jake forever, for I have nothing to truly fear" directly into Jake going "I should shoot my wife".

DIRK: He's gone, dude.

Oh, this is a great reveal. Brain Ghost dirk lowers his glasses so we can see he has Jake-Green eyes, confirming to Jake (and the audience) that this Dirk is a figment of Jake's imagination, and not "connected" to Ultimate Dirk in any way. That's just such a cool way of conveying that information.

DIRK: It'd be the only reasonable excuse you'd have for nipping this uncomfortable epiphany in the bud so you could slink back to following orders from Dirk. JAKE: ... JAKE: Gods hooks, i backflipped right into my old ways! DIRK: Don't beat yourself up about it. It's a running theme with literally everybody we know. DIRK: You all get caught up in these feeling jams, hugging it out in self-realizational bliss. DIRK: Then, bam. DIRK: Premature ejaculation. DIRK: That passionate growth grind ends before it builds to anything actually satisfying.

And Brain Ghost Dirk telling Jake the real hard truth that he needs to stop listening to Dirk and looking for someone to tell him what to do.

DIRK: You're fully dressed Jake now. DIRK: Sitting on the sticky floor of a custodial closet, hidden away from anything certain and good in this world. DIRK: Alone. JAKE: This is scary! I dont like this. DIRK: Fuck yeah it is. This is sweaty, achey, burning transformation, brother. JAKE: I want to go back! I want to be the other guy again. DIRK: You can't be the other guy anymore, Jake. DIRK: We're sending him upstate to live on a beautiful farm, where they're gonna immediately drag him out back and put him out of his fucking misery. DIRK: Remember when you told Egbert you wanted someone to hold you accountable? JAKE: No. DIRK: Well. JAKE: Nooooooo. DIRK: "Here's Johnny!" JAKE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! JAKE: Oh...

This is very Disco Elysium

JAKE: Cripes, if there really is no magical component to all of this, JAKE: if youre really gone, JAKE: then i am simply a forty year old man... being led by the nose... by an imaginary friend. JAKE: That is not cute. DIRK: It's kind of cute. JAKE: No! JAKE: Its mental illness! DIRK: It can be both.

It's also Homestuck

JAKE: Everyone is waiting around for this better version of me to pop up, but thats never going to happen. JAKE: Because if it did, it wouldn't be me anymore. DIRK: So, are you trapped being Mr. Pissy Pantyloos Loser Man no matter what? JAKE: Sort of.

Jake is defined by being a loser. What happens if he grows? He becomes someone else, same as happens to us all when we change.

JAKE: I never really understood all that much of the "doomed timeline" hoopla you cerebral types tend to gab on about. JAKE: But... its nice to think that there might be countless janes somewhere out there who never stopped being happy. JAKE: Baking, getting up to all manner of lighthearted mischiefs... true blue all around. JAKE: When i think of her, thats whats real to me. JAKE: What she is now, what these rotten unenviable circumstances have made of her, its all just... DIRK: Happenstance. JAKE: Is that stupid? DIRK: Probably, but you're a god of Hope.

Aw, I like that take.

JAKE: If i can believe in those janes, JAKE: i think i can let this one go. DIRK: Extravagant hoops to stumble through just to keep believing, man. DIRK: It's sneaky. I like it.

Even if this is the most cynical take on a hope-based hero I've ever seen.

Oh hey, it's the kids! All together for the first time! I'm shocked this big meeting is happening silently like this while someone else conversation narrates over it.

Fun fact: At no point in the entirely of Homestuck do John, Jade, Rose, and Dave have a conversation with all four of them together.

I was wrong last time, this is the page leading into the promised big flash. There is no longer anything left in Meat or Candy do to but [S] Get to the Point.

#Homestuck

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jacqueline-vile · 5 months ago

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To Dance with the Devil

"Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight?" he stared at her, his eyes boring through Dr. Quinzel, his menacing grin sending a shiver down her spine. Sure . . . there was a security guard outside the door, a camera staring down at them within the dimly lit room, and the patient was wearing a straight jacket. But this didn't make her feel any better.

The question left her unsure how to proceed. Was it a trick question? A riddle? No, that was more Emma Nashton's thing. Joker never told riddles. She took a seat at the table and shook her head. "No, I can't say I have." She decided to answer before opening his file. He didn't look as much like his mugshot. The green in his hair had faded, exposing the ginger hair underneath. His face, although lacking the makeup that made him look like a clown, still had that sharp angular look and that grin . . . perfectly triangular. Looking at him and his photo showed how the makeup merely highlighted the features he naturally had.

She pushed her glasses up and brushed a lock of blonde hair behind her ear before clearing her throat. Before she could say anything though, he chuckled and proceeded. "Would you consider such a thing? Or fathom that delight?"

"Is this a serious question?" Her fear was now muffled by confusion. Why was he asking these questions?

"Does it need to be a serious question?" He asked, leaning back and licking his lips, that smile still plastered on his face, like the situation was some sort of running gag.

Harleen took a breath, reminding herself what Mr. Arkham told her about the clown; how he would try to get under her skin. "My name is-"

"Harleen Mariah Quinzel." He paused a moment and cocked his head in thought. "You know, it's funny. If you tweak your name ever so slightly, you get Harley Quin." His smile seemed to widen as he looked at her past his nose, like he was sizing up her reaction. She fidgeted with the file she had, closing it and pressing it down on her lap.

"So I've been told." She said, doing her best to appear unshaken by his knowing her full name. Who told him? "Do you know why you're here?"

The man chuckled. "Because I want to be."

"So you think you're crazy?" Huh, did he want help?

"No, I am crazy. Batshit loony in fact." He giggled. It was difficult for Quinzel not to smile. There was something . . . infectious? About that laugh that made her want to laugh as well, but she covered her mouth quickly, clearing her throat as she tried to make it look like she was just wiping something off.

"So, you're here because you want help."

"Oh no, not at all, Pudding. I'm here because I like it. I don't need 'help'. You sound like him now." his eyes rolled in annoyance, his smile, while constant, seemed to change ever so slightly, she noted. Sometimes it reached his eyes, and sometimes it didn't. Sometimes it was a full grin, showing his teeth, and sometimes it looked more like he was grimacing.

"Like who?"

"Oh you know who. You've read all about me, now haven't you?" He nodded to the file she kept on her lap. "Everything I've ever said noted in there like they're writing my biography."

"Yes, you mention the Batman, when Dr. Strange was treating you."

"Oho ho yes! I remember that old coot! How is he, by the way? I still look back fondly on our time together, hehehe . . ."

She paused a moment, taking a breath. "So . . . you don't think you have a problem?"

"Oh no, I do. There's this rat that keeps gnawing at my feet when I try to sleep, but the guards won't do anything about it. It's really quite a nuisance."

"No, that's not what I mean, Mr . . ."

"J. You can call me Mr. J, Pudding."

"Very well, Mr. J." She rubbed her temple as she took another deep breath. "So, you say you're crazy-"

"Yes, completely insane." he interrupted, nodding eagerly, still leaning back in his seat.

"But you don't see this as a problem?"

"No."

"Why? What does it mean to you to be insane."

"Insanity is freedom, Pudding." He said, leaning forward. "While everyone is running about content with their little mundane lives, living so they can work, thinking they have all the answers to the world's problems, they don't really see it for what it is; a well written joke, one so intricate and poetic, they won't know the punchline even after it's cut off their heads!! But I see it. Ever since he showed up and started his caped parade on the streets, I've been able to grasp the bigger picture and that's why I just can't stop laughing!" He chuckled, which led to a fit of laughter. "And the best part of it is that noone else sees it!" He stopped suddenly. "Noone else sees it." He leaned back, licking his lips.

Harleen watched him, taking notes as he spoke, fascinated by the sudden spill. "So . . . you see reality as a joke?"

He cackled. "Oh no no that's the worst way to put it. That doesn't even make any sense!"

"Then explain it to me." She leaned forward, looking him in the eye.

"This is not reality."

"Then what is it?"

"It's a joke."

"What's the punchline?"

He started laughing again, shaking his head. She let him go for a moment, before clearing her throat.

"Are you going to tell me?"

Joker looked at her a second after he finally calmed down a bit. "You won't get it."

#fanfic #dcu #batman #dc joker #harley quinn #harleen quinzel #arkham asylum

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clarktooncrossing · 9 months ago

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DUDELZ of the Damned | Punishment, Pt. 1

HEY THERE PEOPLE OF TODAY AND ROBOTS OF TOMORROW! IT'S ME, CLARK!

A chill is in the air. You can feel it can't you? Perhaps you even recognize it. That same chill arrives every year right on the dot. With it comes a frightful howl in the moonlight, the only other sound to be heard. Otherwise there is a strange calmness settling around you, like the point of ease before the storm. By now the howling has stopped. It has been replaced by a different sound. Footsteps. Big, heavy, dragging, as if the figure didn't quite know how to use their legs. Perhaps it's a random passerby. Perhaps it's a rotting, frightful feature freshly risen from the grave. Perhaps it's some other, unspeakable horror waiting to pounce! Whatever it is, you're not waiting around to find out! Yet no matter how far you run, it can't be escaped. The chill in the air, the howling of the wind, the heavy footsteps, it all leads back to one thing: October is here! And with it comes the return of the DUDELZ of the Damned!

Yes weirdos, like last year, my approximation of Sketchtober has returned. I call it an proxy because there was no list of prompts. Nah, that'd be too limiting. This is yet another case where I compiled my own list of ideas, sketched them out, then used one color per picture. With all that said, let's see what spoopy scribblings await us today!

Fighting evil by moonlight! Winning love by daylight! Never running from a real fight! She is the one called Sailor Moon! Meanwhile, I'm the guy who got tricked into wearing this stupid freak'n costume. Again. It never fails. Every year at least one of my friends manages to manipulate events so I end up dressed in a girly costume. This year it's for a character I'm not even a fan of. Well, like heck am I doing it alone this year! Not when @burningthrucelluloid looks so good in a skirt. >:3

Okay, this one's gonna require some context. Back in 2017 I had reached 300 Watchers on my deviantART page. As a celebration of this achievement, folks could suggest stuff for me to review, one peep picking a Sailor Moon mobile game. These were the original Giraffe's Eye Views, and this one in particular sported me wearing the iconic Sailor Scout uniform for a gag. Now you'd think that'd be the end of it. After all, hardly anybody read the review in the first place. So how could this possibly come back to bite me? Quite easily, as it turns out. See, I have malicious friends. One of them saw this review and decided to draw me in this outfit once more. They then drew me as Harley Quinn from Arkham Knight. From there Alec would keep the gag going by paying multiple artists absurd amounts of money to draw me as various other female characters, usually with boobies so large they have their own gravitational pull. I've been drawn as Mayday Parker's Spider-Girl, Carol Danvers's Miss Marvel, Pinkie Pie from Equestria Girls, it never seemed to end! Now far be it from me to foil a good running gag, but this really got annoying after a while. For crying out loud, it started to feel like my friends were forgetting I was a dude. So after a talk we all agreed the joke would be saved for special occasions. Turns out Halloween is one of those special occasions. Especially when it follows a year of my friend putting me through the wringer in Dungeons and Dragons. Remember this when you start up your next campaign, buddy! Besides, I've had that 'in the name of the moon, the bear, and the big blue house' gag rattling around in my head for a while now and Sailor Bumper demanded to be drawn. Here's hoping you all enjoy this more than Alec does. And remember: wear leggings under your battle skirt! The October breeze is not forgiving, even to magical anime chicks.

Also, since it seems I didn't post last year's DUDELZ on tumblr, here's how I embarrassed Alec back in 2023:

Here is my friend dressed as Abigale Brand from Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, a show I convinced him to check out and a character he deemed 'sexy'. All this paired with a quote he said. Remember folks; giraffes can be devious! >:3

BONUS QUESTION: Which Sailor Scout is your favorite?

MAY THE GLASSES BE WITH YOU!

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localgremlinboy · 3 years ago

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some more silly rogues’ headcannons I thought of! Thank you everyone for the validation on the last ones, it made me smile! :D

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6]

- they all have a Minecraft server together that's utter madness! Riddler has perfected redstone and he makes puzzle riddle traps in game, it drives Joker INSANE. Ivy goes around planting giant trees and flowers without asking. And Bane has a nice little house and no one dares ruin it, it brings him so much joy.

- Scarecrow always has chapstick on him, it's mango flavored

- Riddler has a tamagotchi, he will cry if it dies. If you're the goon that has to watch it while he's in Arkham, be scared.

- Harvey still posts on his Twitter, Twoface has an invite only after dark account. He just reposts memes everyone else has already seen and overshares random personal information and middle school level poetry. Also Harvey & Twoface are currently in a four year long tweet war about an episode of Law and order

- Out of all the rogues, Joker owns the most shoes. He has a storage unit full of racks of different tailored costumes, shoes, and makeup. He wears an expensive french brand of makeup he has to ship to Gotham, and he doesn't do any crimes without wearing his lucky lipstick brand

- Scarecrow loves animal crossing, his island is decked out and Halloween themed. He hosts parties with the rogues on his island

- Riddler set up a VPN & free cable/wifi for all the rogues to use so they can stream whatever, but you have to answer a riddle to get the password. Joker hates it but he also needs to watch the new criminal minds reboot before Harley spoils it

- one time during a party, the rogues managed to convince a very drunk Harvey & Twoface to sing/reinact songs from phantom of the opera and later jekyll and hyde (Twoface is emotionally a theater kid)

- Harley and Twoface get really into murder podcasts together one time while in Arkham. Even after they all break out, they video call after new episodes drop to talk about it. One time they tried to do a podcast but it turned out Joker did the crime so like it wasn't much of a plot twist

- Harley streams her crimes sometimes & actually makes some sick side cash off it! Half the time her chat is just obsessing over her interactions with Ivy. Also Ivy is one of her top donors

- Catwoman is TikTok famous, she posts story times, how to do simple parkour and pick locks, and hauls from crimes. All of her money from sponsorships and stuff goes to charity (she gets sent a bunch of free cat food for her cats, it's awesome!)

- Joker scrapbooks, he did it for a gag originally but low key got into it and now he may or may not have a scrapbooking room. He tries to go to Michael’s incognito but like, everyone knows.. The employees are like “yo, the Joker is at the help desk asking about if we have batman scrapbooking decals? Do.. Do I ask if he wants to sign up for the rewards program? Is he allowed to sign up?” Yes he signed up for the rewards program

- Joker also often signs up for various rewards programs but when he doesn’t want their emails, he gives them scarecrow’s email. Scarecrow has a bounty for whoever stops the man signing up ALL his emails for the Chilies newsletter

- the rogues throw Harley a roller skating lasertag party, where they also learn Harvey can't skate to save his life. He's the dedicated party mom that's standing at the railing about to fall down while he cheers on the others doing tricks and he's in charge of everyone's coat at the table. Joker uses all of his tickets to buy bouncy balls and sticky hands. Catwoman is a god at laser tag, she nearly gave Scarecrow a heart attack when she dropped form the vents to snip him. At the end of the party, they all steal Harley the go kart that's worth like 10,000 tickets. Batman shows up to Harley doing donuts in the parking lot while all the other villains are fighting with sticky hands and bouncy balls

- Bane likes camping and takes all the rogues in hopes to get camping buddies, they all almost die out in the woods because it's a disaster but also he had a great time! The Joker brings a camera and the whole time is making dated Blair Witch jokes with Scarecrow, which Harvey doesn't find funny and not because he's scared of the Blair witch.. Riddler screams running off into the woods because of a bee "chasing" him, no one sees him until three weeks later when they remember that they forgot him in the woods. Clayface uses a survivalist persona/character the whole time they're out there but he knows nothing about survivalism, eating poisonous berries and telling them poison ivy is a healing herb. Ivy is probably the only one suited for camping and she has to make sure most of them don't die

- Harley collects pins! She has a pin board in her hideout. The other rogues give her pins they find/obtain around Gotham

- The Joker has spent 3 years trying to perfect confetti smoke bombs

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gainaxvel3o · 4 years ago

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Clark x Bruce for the imaginary love lives please! If you do this, thanks and I’m excited to read it :)

He heard the alarm and went as fast as he could.

Superman moved at the speed of sound. Bruce made it a general rule to the League that they stay out of Gotham. If he used the JLA Communicator for this that meant things were bad. Clark tried not to think of the various worst case scenarios as he reached the Acme Warehouse.

Upon his ears picked up a cough, Clark flew faster.

Smashing the wall with his bare hands, Superman surveyed the situation. Bruce, still in the Batman costume, was coughing while lying on the bed, an infusion pump dumping a yellow liquid into him. The Joker was on another bed next to his, smiling his ever sickly evil grin while he was tended to by Harley. She panicked. “Big blue’s in town! Shit!” Harley cheered. “Mistah J we need to run! I was expectin�� the birds or the kajillion Batgirls but not this!” “Oh quiet Harley,” Joker responded. “We already threw the gag out there, we might as well go all the way with it! Come on, welcome to the party!”

Superman didn’t waste any time. “What did you do to him?!? “Now settle down Boy Scout you shouldn’t be so angry until I explain everything.” Joker smiled. “Which I will! See, I was taking a stroll around town, borrowing the usual materials I use to bring all the laughs to the dour city when I happened to come across something interesting.”

The Joker pointed at the pump.

“A unique chemical compound that slowly drain the life out of the people. I’m not one to kill my favorite people, but I thought it would be funny if I shared it with your old pal Batman and see if anyone wants to try saving him.” “You diseased maniac!” Superman shouted. “Where’s the cure?” “The cure? Well…” Joker laughed, the same infuriating laugh that made Superman’s skin crawl. “There’s only one way to cure him. Catch!” He tossed a syringe to Superman, who looked at him confused.

“See, in addition to be a clever comedian I’m a brilliant scientist! I pumped the stuff inside of me to check how it works. Turns out my unique chemistry turned the chemical into antibodies. Only drawback is that if you take my blood, I die.”

“Don’t…” Bruce, trying desperately to remain conscious, begged. “Don’t do what he says… it’s a trick…” “You can’t be too sure of that Batsy!” Joker grinned harder. “So what will it be Supes? You want to save him, you’re gonna need kill me! Not save him and he dies while I live. Your code or your friend! Ohohohohoho what a lovely decision!”

Harley glanced back and forth between Superman and her Mistah J. Being his disciple (and girlfriend even if he won’t admit it) she was familiar with this kind of trap. Batsy’s only in a severe degree of pain but not actually dying. She wasn’t sure if Superman could detect it given the X-Ray vision and the hearing and the other powers in his arsenal. Harley was actually curious. What would Superman do? “Tick tock Superman,” Joker said. “Made a choice yet?” A laugh. It didn’t come the Joker, like one would expect. No… it came from Superman. He held the syringe steady. “Okay. You win.” He said. “I’ll draw your blood.” Harley had to check her ears for that. One she made sure there wasn’t any left over ear wax from this morning, she allowed her jaw to fall. “What…” Joker was also pretty gobsmacked. “I mean- what?” “Yeah. Raise your arm.” Superman smiled. It wasn’t out of joy, more a sneer. “I don’t like the situation, but if it means saving Batman I’ll do it.” For a second, Batman struggled against the bed, trying to say something, break out, but his body was too weak. Whatever he said, Superman didn’t register it. He didn’t need to. He knew what he was doing. “Whoah let’s not get crazy here!” Joker took a step back. “No objections or anything? No third option no nothing?!? You’re just giving up?!” “Why not?” Superman said. "Someone’s going to die either way. Better the mass murdering lunatic from Gotham than it’s favorite son.”

And his husband, though Superman left it unsaid. He didn’t want this monster to know anything. “Wow, the great Superman just gives up!” Joker laughed. “I wish I had a camera so I could record it! I won, you lose and snooze and-“ “Yeah yeah yeah, you’re playing five dimensional chess against me and this is somehow going all according to your master plan even though when the dust settles you’ll be dead, I won’t go crazy murdering everyone for no reason and you won’t get your ultimate final battle with Batman.” Harley had never seen the Joker’s eyes twitch so violently. His hands were shaking in bitter spiteful rage.

“Come on Joker,” Superman said. “You wouldn’t want to leave this Earth without pulling a great gag. This? Just pathetic really.” “Oh you want funny! I’ll give you fucking funny!”

The Joker punched Superman in the chest. He clutched his hand in pain, now realizing he had broken it.

“Okay thanks for that.” Superman grabbed Joker’s hand, readying the syringe. “Be ready!” “No… no wait I was kidding!” Joker’s eyes widened and his voice broke. “The chemicals won’t actually kill Batman! It’s temporary! Please don’t kill me!”

“Mistah J!” Harley cried out. “I thought we were supposed to go all the way with a gag!” “Nuh uh, not me! I quit! Not going to lose to the big blue boy who can’t wear his undies in the right direction.” Superman smirked. “All edge, no bite… you really are a bad comedian Joker.” _____________________________________________________________________________________

After locking up Joker and Harley in Arkham, Superman took Bruce to the Bat Cave.

Alfred tended to his master, wiping the blood drawn from disconnecting the pump. Bruce looked over to Clark.

“Thanks Clark.” Bruce said. “It was an impressive bluff you made there.”

“Learned it from the best,” Clark smiled, kissing Bruce’s cheek. “Didn’t think you’d call me to be honest.” “The children were out on a mission. You were the only one that could get here fast enough.” “Love you too Bruce.” “Brrrrr. Using that word. Don’t repeat it.” “What? I love you?”

“There you again.” Clark laughed. Alfred rolled his eyes. “Well you’re clearly content in your lover’s quarrel,” Alfred walked up the stairs, “See you both in the morning.” They were left alone. Bruce searched his husband’s face and body, while Clark stood there and smiled.

“About that what happened Clark…” “Hm?"

“If the Joker hadn’t been lying…” Bruce said. “Would you really have let him die?” Clark sighed. “Bruce…” “Really Clark?!?” “If it was between you and him, I would have.” Clark decided to stand his ground. “You know I despise killing anyone as much as you do.” “Then why contemplate it at all?!” Bruce was shouting now. “No one deserves to die!” “No one does. But Bruce, it was between him or you. If it turned out killing him would save you�� I’d feel horrible for the rest of my life, I would be ashamed, I would take anything you say afterwards… but I’d do it. What kind of hero would I be if I let a single innocent life die just so I could feel better about having unstained hands?” Clark looked away. “I only hope when the time comes you’d do the same.” Neither said a word. Bruce was no doubt furious, whether himself or Clark it didn’t matter. Superman sighed.

“I’m going to head to bed. Care to join me?” Bruce got out of the table. “In an hour. There’s things I need to check on the Bat-Computer.” Clark nodded. He didn’t want to admit it, not now, but he knew a rift had formed between them just now. He just hoped it would resolve itself sooner rather than later.

Author’s Notes:

I had a surprisingly good time writing this. It’s a bit of a fix fic for Action Comics #719 where Joker similarly infects Lois with a poison and Superman IS ABOUT TO LET HER DIE instead of killing him. It was such a bad display of Superman’s no kill rule that I decided to call a do over. No I don't want Superman to be going around snapping necks constantly but there’s ways to portray the no kill code that don’t involve making your heroes look like self righteous assholes and that comic ain’t it!

As for Batman… well, I don’t have a lot of positive feelings about him these days but writing his interactions with Clark felt natural and the idea of them having a conflict over the no kill code was an interesting idea. I liked doing it. That’s all I’ll say.

#The Imaginary Love Lives of Superman #Superman #Batman #The Joker #Harley Quinn #No kill rule #Fic #My writing #Asks #Answered #SuperBat #Superman x Batman

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gotthesilver · 4 years ago

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2020 fic round up!

Now that the last of the exchange fics have been revealed, it’s time for a round up. Which I haven’t actually done in years, but lets face it, I have more time on my hands this year because of Reasons so why not? We are gonna do this chronologically because organising by fandom just seems like work.

Put the Past Away, MCU, Steve/Tony, Teen, 3.4k. another post infinity war/pre-endgame canon divergence get together because I like writing those a lot.

Forever for You, part of the Fireside verse, MCU, Steve/Tony, Teen, 3.9k. a little addition to my Fireside series, the last part of which I will hopefully get finished this year!

Such a Softer Sin, MCU, Steve/Tony, Explicit, 2.2k. a fic written for the smol steve bingo over at the pots server, square: small steve, big dick. which sums up this fic.

Alone Like This, MCU, Steve/Tony, Teen, 7.4k. written for the @cap-ironman fanwork like it’s 2012 fest! canon divergent where steve and tony meet post iron man 2, pre avengers and it goes a lot better.

Got the Love I Need, MCU, Steve/Tony, Explicit, 2.4k. virgin steve is like super desperate to get laid. that’s it.

Through Each Other’s Eyes, Marvel 3490, Steve Rogers/Natasha Stark, Teen, 1k. written for the @cap-ironman tiny reverse bang! steve rogers is embarrassingly in love with his wife. like so much.

Glide Me Towards You, MCU, Steve/Tony, Mature, 6.7k. written for one of @crownofstardustandbone‘s many prompts! canon divergent post endgame old men in love trying to figure out what comes next.

A Little Is Never Enough, MCU, Steve/Tony, Explicit, 3.4k. written for h/c bingo, square: corporal punishment. this is spanking fic, you probably know if you want to read it or not.

Souvenirs and Secrets Shared, MCU, Steve/Tony, Mature, 1.4k. written for the twink tony bingo over at pots, square: lingerie. steve stumbles across some old photos of tony in lingerie.

Wounds Without a Bandage, MCU, Steve/Tony, Teen, 2.5k. written for the twink tony bingo at pots as well, square: whump. also for h/c bingo, square: fighting. au where steve was found and defrosted post howard & maria’s death and has been in tony’s life since then.

Sins Born In a Kiss, MCU, Steve/Tony, Explicit, 3.5k. also written for the twink tony bingo at pots, square: de-aged. tony gets physically de-aged and steve wants to tap that virgin ass.

Your Loss and Your Sorrow, Gone Girl, Margo Dunne & Nick Dunne, Teen, 1k. written for trick or treat. post movie through margo’s eyes.

Salvation In Dreams, MCU, Steve/Tony, Mature, 1.1k. a fill for h/c bingo: gags. tony gets kidnapped.

Love Like a Hunger, MCU, Steve/Tony, Explicit, 1.5k. based on @firulaispng‘s tony as leia art! steve rails tony while tony is in a leia outfit, that’s it.

Hopeless But Still Romantic, Birds of Prey, Harley/Dinah, Teen, 2.5k. written for shipoween! post movie get together for harley & dinah, with some complications along the way because gotham, right?

Taste of Love, MCU, Steve/Pepper/Tony, Explicit, 1.4k. written for shipoween as well! it’s porn, that’s about it.

Taken Back By You, MCU, Steve/Tony, Teen, 2.5k. steve is terrified of babies and tony is excellent with kids and steve has Feelings about that.

Grow Up; Turn the Tables, Clueless, Cher/Josh, Mature, 2.1k. written for yuletide! post movie, cher and josh and how they are several years down the line.

Having You Near, Oceans Movies, Danny/Rusty/Tess and Danny + Debbie, Teen, 1.4k. also written for yuletide! a what if danny isn’t dead and debbie found him hiding out with rusty & tess.

No Place to Go, MCU, Steve/Tony, Teen 6.8k. written for the @cap-ironman holiday exchange! post aou canon divergent christmas getting together with all that involves.

Been Alone Here, MCU, Steve/Tony, Teen, 4.5k. also written for the holiday exchange! modern au, no powers. getting back together post addiction and recovery, a little drop of hope in a difficult process.

and that’s it for 2020 fic! to no one’s surprise I posted a lot of stony. also having made this post I remember why I stopped doing round ups, holy shit that took too long, I hope someone appreciates it.

#sometimes i fic #steve x tony

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fear-and-riddles · 6 months ago

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Tags

Edward Nygma “The Riddler”

the best and brightest (edward)

Dr. Jonathan Crane “Scarecrow”

the doctor is in (jonathan)

Dr. Harleen Quinzel "Harley Quinn"

tricks and gags (harley)

Personal Posts

inbetween the happenings (personal posts)

Answered Questions

an answer to your question (answered questions)

Character Headcanons

an imagined truth (headcanon)

Fanfictions / Drabbles

longer excerpts (fanfictions/drabbles)

Art

photographic evidence (art)

OOC

ooc.post

#ooc.post

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angelliev · 5 years ago

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Halloween Special!🎃 Okay, Mista JJ💋

Summary: JJ & Aria make their own Halloween movie.

Warnings: Smut! Language! Intense Role-play JJ exploding our ovaries with this GIF^

A/N: Hey guys! Happy Halloween to all of you cool boos and ghouls. I know I haven't been here for a while now. It’s been busy and chaotic these past few months with school, work, and moving. I’m still writing the Lover Boy series though, so tune in. This is a little flashback (Halloween Special), still part of the series though. I know I’ve said this more than a thousand times, but thank you for your support with the likes, comments and especially the reblogs. Words can’t even begin to describe how much I appreciate you guys! Stay safe out there my lovies, and stay spooky. Muhahaha.

"Trick or Treat!” The miniature voices hollered at John B’s front porch. The boys, all dressed up of course, happily handed the kids candy. JJ didn't hold back as he gave each of them handfuls. It’s a good thing a bough a shitload of candy bags with me. However, I think the parents think otherwise when they watched the candy fall into the children's bags. “Happy Halloween guys! Dope costumes by the way!” The kids smile and high five JJ. The pogues had decided on dressing up as DC Comic Characters. Pope is dressed as Batman, pairing with Kie who was pulling off a sexy Catwoman suit. Sarah shined bright in her Wonder Woman outfit with John B who is going as Superman. I decided to dress up as my favorite supervillain, Harley Quinn from Suicide Squad. I couldn't help but prance around giddily in the Quinn’s boots, wearing the Daddy’s Little monster shirt, the Property of The Joker jacket, Puddin choker, temporary tattoos, hair in pigtails in red and blue, sexy fishnets, and the seductive sparkly shorts. Both Kie and Sarah knew I was in for it when I walked out in the outfit. I was surprised JJ didn't take me right there on John B’s couch when I strutted out. Instead he licked his lips that were curled into a smirk and eyed me with those luscious blue eyes. He wasn't the only once aroused. My eyes couldn't rip away from the gold chain on his neck, and the temporary tattoos that littered his body. His white button up, had a few loose buttons, exposing his chest that I wanted to nip at so bad. He was even pulling off the green hair.

The trick or treaters began to finally die down. A Halloween movie played outside, all of us were seated in lawn chairs. The pogues continued to talk away in an excited conversation about the movie when an idea popped in my head. I take out my phone and open up my messages. My fingers began to type away on the keypad, my bottom lip caught in between my teeth. I look up at JJ one last time before hitting send. I act fast by hitting record on the screen. His phone dings, resulting in him taking it out and opening up the message. He sips his beer as he reads the explicit text, making him choke on the alcohol. “You good?” Asked a concerned Pope. “Yea, just swallowed more than I thought.” (Michael Scott That's What She Said) I smirk before getting up and walking away, making sure to add an extra sway to my hips, knowing that JJ’s lustful predator eyes were watching, my panties already starting to pool.

Aria lays on the bed, smoke passing through her lips, waiting patiently for her boyfriend to come, camera in hand recording as the weed relaxes her body. Like clockwork, JJ enters the room hastily, a smirk plastered on his face, and his eyes a shade darker. “I missed ya Mista J.” I say trying my best to perfect the voice. JJ just chuckles darkly. “What’s with the camera?” He asked bewildered. “Thought we make a movie puddin’. I know you like movies.” The statement seemed to excite him. I bet the hot blood is always rushing down south. “That I do babygirl. You're a naughty little girl though. Sending me such a dirty sext in front of my friends.” “What text would you be referring to?” I played dumb. “Maybe this will jog your memory?” He holds the phone up to the screen, displaying the provocative text.

“Hey Mista J. Why don’t you rev up your Harley by filling her up with your hot puddin?”

Before I could even respond, JJ took the camera from my grasp, and pushing my hand down his pants, where it’s met with the naked bulge. “This what you want your daddy to fill your sweet little pussy up with?” If I wasn't already drenched before, I sure am now. “Yes, please daddy.”

“That’s a good girl. Let’s warm you up first.” He places the camera before opening up the sock drawer taking out the gun. He makes sure to unload it, checking it multiple times. “Put those pretty lips to good use will ya?” The barrel of the gun ghosted 👻 my red painted lips smiling. “Okay Mista J.” I look up into the camera with such innocent eyes before wrapping said lips around the barrel. JJ slowly maneuvers the weapon in and out of my mouth, lubricating it. “Such pretty lips you've got. Can't wait to have them wrapped around my cock. You love milking your daddy's cock dry with that mouth don't ya?” I simply nod and hum. I could feel the juices begin to drip down my leg as my pussy throbs. The gun is snatched away from my lips, leaving me empty.

“Go on babygirl. Show your daddy some love.” He encourages, as I unzip his pants, wasting no time pull down his boxers. His cock springs free, the cool air in the room. “K puddin’.” Those were the last words that left my mouth before my luscious lips slid down his rock hard shaft. I could feel each vein on my tongue as he throbbed in my mouth. A relieved sigh passed his lips when he was welcomed by the warmth his babygirl provided him. His hips rolled in sync, one hand on my head, while the other was making sure the camera was capturing every single detail of himself thrusting into the girl’s mouth. A smile was plastered on his face, when he looked down to see his babygirl gagging on his dick, which hit the back of her throat as she took all of him in, precious inch by inch. “Such a good job babe. I'm so close. Keep that mouth opened wide, I’m about to give you some of that hot puddin’ you asked for.” The eyes watered while he continued to deep throat my mouth, and I loved every single second of it. Watching his lustful beat red face as his breaths grew rapid.

“Fuck! Damn! Shit!” His hips finally came to halt, his balls touching chin, and the tip of my nose met his base. A ginormous load of his hot cum pooled into my mouth and rushed down my throat, overflowing and dripping down my chin along with my tears that streamed down my cheeks.

“Swallow.” He commanded before slipping his cock out through my now swollen lips. I gladly swallowed the creamy cum, savoring the taste as it slid down my throat. “Open wide.” I proudly display my tongue out flat to him as he catches his breath. “That’s a good girl. You deserve a reward.” His thumb presses against my lip before motioning me to stand up. “Clothes off. On the bed. Now.” He demands sinisterly, causing a spark of excitement and anticipation to ignite. I waste no time to strip away from the costume, leaving me completely naked in front of the camera. I crawl onto the bed, making sure that my ass was in full view. JJ’s hand collides with one of my ass cheeks, erupting a loud smack across the room, making me giggle and yelp. I flip myself over on the bed, legs spread wide revealing my aching pussy that glistened in the light. JJ whistled and brought the camera close up. “Mm, look at this pussy. It’s just aching and throbbing for me, just begging me to plunge into it. But first I want to taste you babygirl. After all, you deserve it. You’ve been such a good girl for daddy.” His hot breath fans my pussy for only a few seconds before pulling away and making me whimper.

He places the camera down once more and digs through his drawers until he finds what he’s looking for, that being a pair of Harley Quinn fuzzy hand cuffs. I bought in the store the other day as a gag gift, looks like we’ll finally be using it. He quickly cuffs my wrist to the bed restraining me, before placing a sweet loving kiss on my lips. “I love you, my sweet Harley Quinn.” He whispers against my swollen lips. “I love you too Mista J.” He flashed a genuine smile, before blinding me with his black bandana that was tied in the back.

Once again, I could feel his hot breath fan my heat, making me antsy. But once again, he came to halt. “The fuck is this?” He asked genuinely confused, as was I. It was then I remembered about the large quartz that was nestled deep within my precious flower, which was now probably barely staying intact. JJ dips his ring cladded fingers, scooping out the mysterious object, earning a whimper. JJ held the large rosy pink egg shaped object in his now juice covered fingers that glistened along with her pussy. “It’s a yoni egg.” She stated.

(Wtf is a yoni egg you ask? Long story short, it’s a crystal carved into the shape of an egg, typically rose quartz or jade, and is placed in the girl's honey pot. There’s a lot of health benefits it provides that I'm not going to take the time explaining so...just look it up. You can find it on Etsy. Anyways, back to the story!)

He simply hums, before licking the juices off the yoni egg and his fingers. “Did you miss daddy's cock so much that you filled yourself up with this?” My head nods furiously. “Yes! I miss you so much. Please daddy, I need you!” I begged. He silences me with a finger on my lip. “Patience babygirl. I’ll make sure to give a proper fucking. But for now, I wanna taste you.” He silenced me once more by stuffing my drenched panties in my mouth. “We don't want our friends hearing us, at least not yet.” I don't need the blindfold to know that he’s smirking. I’m caught off guard when I feel a sudden foreign object invade my walls and his hot tongue placed on my sensitive clit. My delightful moans are muffed by my own panties, that I taste myself on. My whole body squirms underneath him as he continues his sweet sexual torture on me. I then realized that it was the gun that my walls were clenching around as it moved in and out of me. I could already feel the knot form within me, tempted to unravel, but Mista J had other plans for his Harley Quinn.

He stopped just before I was about cum, much to my dismay. JJ positions the camera to face both of them, unbinding the girl from the bed and removing her gag, before flipping her over. With no warning, he plunges himself into me, making me scream. My velvet pussy swallows each inch of his girthy cock with my silk like juices. Giving me no time to adjust, he takes a hold of my hips with both of his hands before pounding away. His skin slapped loudly against mine with each rough inevitable thrust. I knew that my pornographic moans shook the whole chateau, like our movement was shaking the whole bed, due to the animalistic thrusts, making the headboard pound against the wall. “That’s right baby. Don’t you dare hold back those moans. I want the everyone to know who's fucking you good. I want them to know that the Joker and Harley Quinn run the Outer Banks baby.

All of it was too much. I couldn't find the words to tell him that I was about to cum, but I was already consumed by the euphoric sensation that washed over me like waves. My mind went completely blank, my ears began to rang. I didn't even hear JJ moan out load as he reached his climax, I could only feel his seed filling me up and gushing out my pink pussy.

“Don't fall asleep on me now babygirl. We’re making a movie, and we’re only 12 minutes in. We still have about an hour left and I’m looking forward to fucking you senseless.” I just smile lustfully, ready for a round two.

“Okay Mista J.”

#jj maybank smut #jj x reader #jj x oc #jj maybank #jj #obx fanfiction #obx imagine #obx netflix #rudy pankow

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nobodyfamousposts · 5 years ago

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The Batman Crossover Nobody Wanted

...Wait. What?

Late one night, Batman and Robin discover Joker is active and has committed some crime. They track him to where he is currently holding up in a run down pizzeria with Harley and two henchmen. Batman sneaks in from the front while Robin is trying to go around and come in through the back.

Batman makes his way to the main eatery area where they are located. There are tables lined up. A stage with curtains. Some musty animal costumes. And there is Joker and his team along with a hostage in some poor employee who just happened to still be there when the group came in and took over. He’s struggling quite a lot, despite being tied up and gagged.

Batman confronts Joker and his men. They fight. They talk (well, Joker talks anyway). Joker pulls a few underhanded tricks. It’s all fairly standard. It’s just a bit weird that Robin is taking a while to show up and help, but Batman can stall for time when Joker starts to threaten the hostage.

But then the hostage loses his gag and immediately the first words out of his mouth are:

“You all have to leave!”

Joker laughs. His minions snicker. Batman would give the man credit for at least trying to maintain control, even if it was clear he had no power over the situation.

“I think this is well out of your league, junior!” Joker says, and is fully considering use of his laughing gas.

But the man insistently shakes his head.

“You don’t understand! It’s too close to midnight!”

This gets him a few raised eyebrows.

“Please! You can take your fight outside! Do whatever! But you...ALL of you have to get out of here while you still can!”

“Whyyyyyy?” Joker drawls, somewhat curious.

“Look, there’s not enough time to explain! You can take your fight outside! Do whatever! But you have to get out NOW, before—!”

Batman is distracted by Robin’s attempt to reach him over the communicator. He can hear Robin trying to tell him something, but can barely make out what he’s saying. There’s too much static before it cuts off altogether.

At that time, a bell chimes. The doors to the pizzeria close. One of the henchmen tries to open the door but can’t make it move. Same when the other guy tries a window. Harley is worried. Joker is confused. But the employee...

He just sighs.

“Too late.”

He looks to the group with the most serious expression.

“Welcome to Freddy’s. You’re all now stuck here till 6am. And if you want to live that long, you need to listen to me.”

“And who are you supposed to be?”

“My name is Mike. I’m the security guard.”

#dc crossover #batman #five nights at freddy's

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ofpoisonkisses · 4 years ago

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@quinncess:: cont’ from x

her chin settled on her pammy’s shoulder for a moment of PURE BLISS, giving one last squeeze before the whole nose situation started to act up again. but she was already feeling a world better. especially when red wiped away her blood -- it was just -- nice to feel like someone cared about her. harls couldn’t even get mad about the joker bashing. ❛ well try not ta get yerself thrown back into arkham cause i’d have ta join, and i really don’t wanna deal burnt coffee again. YUCK! ❜ harls made a gagging motion before her lips cracked into a smile. and before she could get too caught up staring at red or reminiscing about the garbage prison food at arkham, she shuffled off to the bathroom. to take a MUCH NEEDED shower.

she must have been in there for an hour, scrubbing away the evidence of how down-on-her-luck she’d been. and using all of ivy’s products. when she finally emerged with the plush robe wrapped around herself, she was squeaky clean and she smelled like ives. that’s probably why her nose stopped bleeding, cause ivy’s scent was magical enough to heal her.

❛ do i look like a whole new person or what? now i know why yer hair always looks so fabulous, the water pressure in there is POIFECT. ❜ harls rubbed the ends of her hair with a towel, and plopped down on the couch with a little sigh of contentment. ❛ are ya hungry? we should order pizza, on me. ❜

ivy wasn’t sure how long harley was going to take in her shower but the last thing she wanted to do was to rush her. somehow ivy found herself getting restless in her own loft when she was left alone, and so she did everything she could to keep her mind off the urge to seek revenge for her best friend.

by the time harley appeared again, ivy had prepared some hot chocolate in a mug (that she had reserved for harley’s use) to hand over to the blonde who now looked way less like a train wreck. even though so, that did little to squash ivy’s desire to murder someone. “i’m already one step ahead, babe. your favorite will be here soon,” she said before settling down on the couch beside harley. “i think you would like the waterfalls in costa rica’s rainforests. nothing can ever beat nature.” she reached out for harley’s face, tilting it towards her so she could better examine her nose. “i don’t think it’s broken, but a cold compress might help. i don’t suppose you need any painkillers--”

the bell rang just then, and ivy smiled. “and our food is here. don’t worry, it’s on me.” pulling her hand away, she stood up to get the door. with a little trick of her pheromones, ivy collected her order and dismissed the delivery boy without paying a single cent.

“alright, let’s dig in,” she said, depositing the boxes on the table in front of them. “vegetarian for me obviously, and this one’s yours.”

#quinncess #( the guardian of the green | main )#[ babies! T-T ]#[ also not sure what harley's fav order is so feel free to have her mention instead XD ]#q

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classic-laugjhing-hollywood · 4 years ago

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The Frozen North (1922)

The film opens near the "last stop", a subway terminal (apparently) in Alaska, which appears to be emerging from deep snow in the middle of nowhere. A tough-looking cowboy (Buster Keaton) emerges. He arrives at a small settlement, finding people gambling in a saloon. He tries to rob them by scaring them with a cutout taken from a poster of a man holding a gun, which he places at the window, to appear as if he has an accomplice. He tells the gamblers to raise their hands in the air. Frightened, they hand over their cash, but soon they find out the truth when a drunk man looks closer over the cutout and tips it over. Keaton attempts to hand the cash that he has been collecting back, but is thrown out through the window.

Next, he mistakenly enters a house thinking that it is his own house. Inside, from behind, he sees a man and a woman kissing before a fire. Thinking the woman is his wife, he gets red-hot angry and shoots the couple, moments later to realize his mistake, whereupon he makes his exit. He goes to his own house, where he finds his wife (Sybil Seely), who greets him, but he spurns her coldly, and she screams in anguish. She goes to a wall, and a vase drops on her head and knocks her unconscious; Keaton glances at her momentarily without interest, and then goes back to thinking again. While investigating the shooting of the couple, a passing policeman then knocks at Keaton's door after hearing his wife scream. Keaton saves himself from arrest by playing music on a gramophone and pretending to dance with his unconscious wife, acting as if all were normal. Seeing this, the officer turns and leaves again, and he drops her on the floor.

He looks out of the window and sees his pretty neighbor (Bonnie Hill). He quickly dons an elegant white suit and picks flowers (mysteriously growing from the deep snow; a sign reads "Keep Off the Grass"). He attempts to woo her, but she doesn't appear to favor him. Her husband comes back inside to get something he forgot, and angrily takes his wife away with him after finding Keaton inside the house with her moments after he had left. Keaton bares his teeth threateningly at him as he leaves and they stare each other in the eye.

The neighbors leave on a sled for a new, even more bleak northerly location. Keaton gets a "car" (a cross between a dog sled and an early automobile, with an engine) driven by a friend (Joe Roberts) to follow them, but it breaks down, so he has to hail a passing "taxi" (a horse drawn sled with upholstery). The taxi is stopped by a traffic warden (riding a classic Harley-Davidson motorcycle frame mounted on skies driven by a pusher propeller - an actual mode of transport, not a joke for the film), but they get away: Keaton is up to his old tricks—he flips the propeller around to reverse the thrust, so after they drive off in the middle of the traffic stop, the officer goes backward into a lake when he restarts his engine to chase them. Near the north pole (sign: North Pole, 3 miles south; perhaps it means North Pole, Alaska?), he and Roberts find a hotel-like igloo with wall-hangings of a stag's head and a guitar. In a gag Keaton tries to hang his hat on a stag head antler but it falls off. They attempt to survive by fishing in the manner of the Eskimos. Keaton makes snow-shoes from guitars and attempts to catch fish using tinned sardines as bait, but just creates trouble—he first falls through the ice and then tries to fish—but the only things he "catches" are another fisherman's strung fish and the other fisherman himself.

Forced to flee back to the igloo, where his companion is using a carpet sweeper on the ice floor, Keaton sees his pretty neighbor again in her new hut. Apparently fortified by drinking a bottle of cola, grimacing as if it were strong liquor, he decides he will go and make another attempt to win or coerce the other woman. He appears at her hut, and enters, to her distress. Upon hearing the husband returning to the hut to show his wife some gold he had just panned out of the water, Keaton resolutely bars the door with his arm, to prevent the husband from entering, only to discover the door hinges on the other side. After jumping and falling out the window, he disguises himself as a snowman to elude the husband when he runs out of the door in pursuit, and returns to the hut, where he is momentarily shown dressed as Erich von Stroheim's character from the film Foolish Wives, to indicate his villainous intent to force himself on her (or her apprehension of his intent). The husband reappears outside, searching for his wife, scanning the horizon; while he is searching for her, Roberts approaches him wearing clumsy cross-country skies, without being noticed, and stabs him in the arm. The husband appears to punch the friend so hard he flies through the air and lands headfirst in the ice fishing hole from earlier in the film. The husband returns to find his wife weeping on the floor as Keaton stands over her. He pulls out his own knife, and wrestles with Keaton. Keaton's wife appears outside the window, and shoots her husband in the back as they struggle. As husband and wife embrace, the wounded Keaton lying on the floor takes a derringer from his pocket and points it at the husband, but at that moment a janitor wakes Keaton up in the front row of a film theater (the gun in the last scene turns out to be a folded newspaper in his hand) and Keaton realizes that it was all a dream.

#buster keaton #silent era #silent hollywood #silent movie stars #silent comedy #silent film #1920s film #1920s hollywood

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silent-era-of-cinema · 4 years ago

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The Frozen North (1922)

#buster keaton #silent era #silent hollywood #silent movie stars #silent comedy #silent film #1920s movies #1920s film #1920s hollywood

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bangtancentricsblog · 5 years ago

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Eccentric Halloween Special

affiliated works here

listen up, so this is first and foremost for my amazing friend and bestest hype woman @boymeetsweevil but imma call her my wife from now on because she is my biggest supporter and i love and appreaciate her wholeheartedly! thank you for always being there for me and keeping me motivated to write even when i think my ideas are dumpster fires and not worth finishing.

Warnings: mentions of past emotional and verbal abuse, there is smut (but like ion if everyone will like it lol) sexual jokes in reference to halloween songs, alcohol consumption, mentions of drug use (its just weed nothing big) let me know if i missed anything!

there are easter eggs so if you find them/think you found one feel free to come chat my ask box is always open!

The music is loud, bass thumping through the floor and in your ears with what you know to be a kpop song by a boy group that’s pretty catchy and says something about being an underdog. This reminds you of college and even if that shit was terrible and you never finished this atmosphere was very college like. Taehyung had left you alone some time ago whispering a soft ‘make some friends’ into your temple with a kiss, you’d gawked at his back because who did he think you were? Last you checked you weren’t rainbow fucking bright and you’d been dragged to this party for a, as he called it a ‘surprise’. The living room floor was overflowing with girls all dressed as slutty bees and butterflies, slutty anything really and you rolled your eyes because yeah this was exactly like a college party. The jungle juice didn't help, it tasted like ass but it did the trick you guess. You’d caught a glimpse of Jungkook not too long ago his hair had grown out, now long enough that he’d tied it up into a messy bun. He’d been dragging a girl behind him, one you’d seen once or twice wrapped around his form on your late night munchies run to the convenience store.

He’s a great guy so you’re happy for him, a little too wild but still a great guy. You’ve been here for the better part of an hour just people watching from your seat on a bar stool sitting at the kitchen island of whoevers house this is. It’s a decent spot you think as you catch glimpses of people you’ve met before and have come to call acquaintances, like Lisa who’s laughing with a group of girls in the far corner by the gaudy faux leather couch. Johnny’s here too, body molded to the back of some petite brunette dressed as what you’re pretty sure is an American Horror Story witch. Hoseok is here too swapping spit with his best friend turned girlfriend, and you consider tracking Jungkook down to see if he has any space sticks on him, or at least his pen because this party sucks and Taehyung left you by yourself and if you have to do this alone you might as well be high too.

The idea is very appealing, you chew on your lower lip weighing your options because there’s a high chance that Jungkook is fucking his cute little girlfriend in the backyard or you could find Jackson and see if he has anything on him even if his weed is shit and makes you feel sick most of the time. You groan because both those options are crap and for some fucking reason Macarena has come on and the drunks on the dance floor have begun to whoop in excitement. You refill your cup taking a sip, the mix is bitter on your tongue and you want to gag a little bit because whoever mixed it was terrible at it. God you miss Taehyung, you really want to go home to fuck him because it’s halloween and your horny but mostly because he’s got a big dick and you like the way he manhandles you. A small whine slides past your lips catching movement to your right, you peek at the couple that's just come from the hallway that you're pretty sure leads to another bathroom and the laundry room. The girl is cute, cheeks soft looking and tinted a lovely shade of ‘my boyfriend just ate my pussy’ pink. The lucky bitch you think with an internal groan. Her hair is done up in pigtails in a style you recognize automatically since Harley Quinn’s been one of your women crushes the entirety of your life, along with Lucy Lui.

Her boyfriend is sporting what looks like mint hair and a smirk you think could rival Taehyung’s. He’s kinda hot if you look closely which you aren’t because his nose doesn’t have the elegant slope that Tae’s does and neither does he have the little beauty mark. It's the alcohol you reason for the way you're comparing this very committed stranger to your very loving missing boyfriend. You just want to go home, and get some dick is that too much to ask? Thriller has played for the third time tonight when you feel the tap on your shoulder cup at your lips. You’re brows furrow, irritation sweeping over your body at being touched so casually by someone who isn’t your boyfriend or Jungkook. It's the mint haired guy you note quirking your head slightly to better hear him over the music.

“Hey, you’re ____, right?”

“Piss off fuck boy, find someone else’s leg to hump.” you say around the lip of your plastic cup. A snort comes from behind him, as Harley Quinn brings her hand up to cover her mouth. He scowls at her pinching her side and she laughs harder smiling up at him, before turning her attention to you instead.

“Sorry, we should’ve introduced ourselves first.” She smiles at you, eyes creasing in a way that rings familiar in your head but can’t pinpoint at the moment. You nod anyways since Taehyung did say to make friends.

“I’m Sweetpea and this is Yoongi, we’re friends of Tae’s.” she says hand out and you take it shaking it and Yoongi’s before pulling yours back and discreetly wiping it on your skirt.

“Nice to meet you, I’m ____, Taehyung’s girlfriend.” you say a little sheepish since he’s usually beside you when you meet more of his friends.

“Is Tae not here?” Sweetpea asks her voice lilting in a way that you wish yours would.

“He’s making his rounds, I’m just waiting til he’s done catching up with everyone.” you smile it feels forced but you’re really trying.

“Does he still do that, I'd thought he’d stopped by now.” Yoongi says wrapping an arm around Sweetpea’s waist and pulling her close. You don’t mean to be, but you're jealous of Sweetpea right now, her boyfriend holds her so tenderly and the affection in his eyes is evident. Monster Mash has been replayed a second time and you really wish your boyfriend’s monster cock was smashing the shit out of your pussy right about now. Tears prick at the back of your eyes because you just want to go home, and Taehyung has seemingly abandoned you for far too long.

“What are you dressed as anyways?” Yoongi asks, snapping you out of your little tantrum, your eyes narrowing because is he serious right now?

“Are you, like, serious?” you say with as much ditsy tv show white girl you can muster.

“Yeah, don't get me wrong you’ve got a nice face but it’s halloween you didn't have to dress as a nun.” he laughs and Sweetpea gives him this look.

“I’m not a nun.”

“Y’look like a nun to me.”

“But I’m not, I'm dressed as Sypha from Castlevania.” you say with as much annoyance as you feel, but realize that you shouldn't have to explain your costume to him. Your cheeks feel warm with embarrassment because how dare Taehyung leave you to fend for yourself against this douche.

“I mean anyone with a brain could put that together,” you scoff looking him up and down “what are you supposed to be, bargain bin Joker? Couldn't have mustered enough fucks to at least try?” you spit mentally shriviling up because wow how did you manage to fuck this up? Sweetpea is looking between you and Yoongi and you don’t blame her, here you were a near perfect stranger attacking her boyfriend when they’d been nice enough to pull you out of your little bubble. To your surprise Yoongi laughs, teeth and gums on display. It's kind of cute, you think, his laugh that is not him.

“Thats a good one, couples costumes are kinda pointless. Tae wasn’t kidding when he said you were kinda surly.”

“M’not surly, people just get on my nerves.” you pout, reaching across the island to refill your cup. If your embarrassment doesn't kill you this jungle juice will, the cup is half full when you bring it back to your lips, moving to get off your seat. Fuck it, if you have to see Jungkook’s bare ass to have a decent smoke then so be it.

“Hey, were you going?” Sweetpea asks eyes wide, god she's pretty and she kinda reminds you of Jimin but that can’t be right.

“Smoke, this was fun and all but my quota for meeting new people has reached its limit. See you around or something.” you say heading into the crowd of people on the dance floor because it was simpler to go through it than around them. Johnny shoots you a wink as you pass while the girl from earlier glares at you. There’s a throb growing in your temple, as the base of a new song vibrates from the floor and through your body. Lisa see’s you waving enthusiastically as you hand her your drink because you’re sure it's the toxic concoction making your head hurt. She smiles gratefully as you finally make it out the back door and much to your surprise Jungkook is seated at a patio set with the girl from the convenience store in his lap.

The heavy base of Freaks Come Out at Night drifts out the open doors and to your left somewhere you can hear breathy moans, a voice that sounds like Hoseok encouraging his girlfriend. You purse your lips because Hoseok came off as a bit of a prude but hey it's Halloween and at least someone’s having fun. It's much colder outside than it is in the house, but you’ll make due with the warmth of what you can make out is the stench of weed in the air. Jungkook is occupied whispering things into the girls ears as you plant your ass on the chair opposite him, he pulls away from her eyes glazed over and droopy.

“Hey where you been, we’ve been waiting for ya. You remember Shrimp right?” he asks patting Peewee’s thigh.

“Vaguely, nice to meet you.” you say and Shrimp smiles over at you, her smile is tight and you don’t want to think too much into it.

“So what have you guys been up to, you didn't bring her out here in the cold to fuck did’ya?”

“Course not, too many people inside and we didn't wanna share our chocolate.” he laughs pulling a bag of Reese's peanut butter cups from beside him.

“Kook, you said Tae told you to wait out here.” Shrimp says eyes narrowed and moving to stand from her seat in his lap.

“Don’t move you’re keeping my dick warm.” he laughs as she smacks his shoulder playfully. You’ve perked up because this is the first time all night you’ve gotten any type of word that Taehyung hadn’t just ditched you at this party.

“Look here twerp, where the hell is my shithead boyfriend?” you ask and both Jungkook and Shrimp look thoroughly chastised even though you were only talking to the former. He widens his eyes at you tilting his head to the side in a way he does when he wants to pretend he knows nothing.

“I don’t know what you mean, he’s around here somewhere. I’m sure he is, maybe Hoseok might know?” he breathes eyes darting to Shrimp who sits pretty in his lap like some sort of doll.

“Okay what the actual fuck? I just wanna go home to fuck my boyfriend and he’s playing some weird game of hide and seek.” you grunt exasperated because this was weird as fuck and Tae and his friends were getting on your last nerve. You don’t mean to cry, you really don’t, but you're frustrated and your period is just around the corner and all your friends are being weird and your boyfriend is being a shithead.

“If that's all you wanted you could've said so, but that would’ve ruined the surprise.” Taehyung says in that tone he uses when you’re on the brink of tears or already crying. Your gaze shoots over to him in an instant, tears already spilling over your cheeks flushed red in anger. He looks sheepish, but it doesn’t make you feel better.

“Go away, I don’t wanna see you.” you say planting your head on the table to hide your face.

“C’mon you don’t mean that.” he says, slowly lifting your face to meet your gaze. He’s standing between your thighs cupping your cheeks before he slowly moves to straddle your lap, a giggle comes from the couple in the other chair.

“Yes I do.” you sniff the chorus of Somebody's Watching Me ringing in your ears. He chuckles at you tilting your head up, nose nuzzling yours softly before he’s molding his lips to yours. It’s always the butterflies in your tummy that surprise you, because by now you’d hoped to be used to this feeling but you’re not. You’ve never loved someone like you do Taehyung, and it's weird because before him you were sure you just weren’t made to be loved. You’d long since opened up to him of your reasons for being so detached, cold even with anyone and everyone. It’d been hard to trust people after the various years of both verbal and emotional abuse, hell even at home it wasn’t all that great. When you’d moved to Taehyung’s peaceful little neighborhood you had made sure to keep people far away from you, that way they wouldn’t be able to hurt you. No backstabbing friends and no cheating boyfriends, just you all on your lonesome. And yet Taehyung had broken through your walls and made himself a cozy little home in your heart.

It was because of him that you were able to make progress with your therapist who was no longer your therapist and more a friend. Namjoon was a nice guy and if he hadn’t been busy tonight you would’ve invited him to this party, but he had plans with his girlfriend Bubbles. Hell you’d been shocked to learn he’d gone to school with Taehyung, because by now you were sure he was friends with pretty much everyone in town. He pulls away from the kiss forehead pressed to yours and you whine softly eyes still closed because you were sure you were dreaming. Nothing this amazing ever happened, least of all to you.

“Ready for your surprise?” he asks breath fanning over your lips and cheeks, your eyes open then curiosity swirling in their depths and it makes Taehyung smile. He pecks your lips a few times before sliding off your lap and helping you to your feet. Jungkook and Shrimp are no longer sitting in the chair, the music has stopped too and it unnerves you a little.

“You’re not gonna scare me are you?” you murmur voice sounding small and unsure of yourself because you will cry if he scares you.

“No, just relax, I wouldn’t do that to you.” he laughs, arms wrapping around your shoulders. You’re still hesitant though, he’s leading you to the house where you were sure a party was in full swing not too long ago. The lights are off inside and if this is the day you die then so be it, but you’d be damned if you don't go down fighting. You’re fists clench and unclench palms growing clammy as your nerves begin to get the better of you, your glance at him from the side maybe you can still make a run for it. Taehyung seems to read your mind because in the next moment he’s standing behind you gently pushing you forward through the door and into the dark of what’s the living room. Your heart is pounding against your ribs and you’re sure you're about to die because this is too scary.

“Ready?” He asks and a strangled noise comes from your throat in an answer. Your breathing grows heavy, lungs not taking in enough air. The lights come on as a chorus of voices yell ‘Happy Birthday’ a scream comes from your mouth followed by a loud sob, because there in the middle of what used to be the dance floor is a giant sheet cake decorated in the colors of the holiday a giant happy birthday ____ in the middle made of fondant. You’re sobbing, tears rolling down your cheeks as your friends and the crowd of strangers coo at the scene. Taehyung pulls you into a hug swaying you softly as your hands clutch at his shirt, he’s placing kisses to the crown of your head, whispering loving words into your hair.

“We got you, didn’t we.” Jungkook giggles with a present bag in hand, in fact your small group of friends all have colorfully wrapped gifts. Your sobs have turned into soft hiccups and you smile at Jungkook with a nod.

“My birthday was two weeks ago, why would you?”

“Because I promised you we would celebrate but we had work and you haven't had a party since you were five. I wanted you to have some new happy memories for your birthday.” Taehyung says with a smile. Your cheeks grow warm, heart swelling in your chest, and you think to yourself that maybe coming out to this party wasn’t so bad. The cake is cute and Taehyung had told you how it took him a whole week to plan this party. He’d gotten the cake from a pastry shop owned by his friend Jin, and when he’d mention the name you’d been shocked. Illusion had been all the rave since the pastries were delicious and affordable, the best part was that the owner was rumored to be extremely handsome. You chose not to open any of the gifts because you wanted to be able to fully enjoy them, the cake was cut and you’d enjoyed all the slices you’d eaten of the devils food cake. Yoongi and Sweetpea hugged you as they handed you your gift apologizing for anything Yoongi might’ve said to offend you. You’d laughed it off, saying that it was okay and that he hadn’t.

“So what is Taehyung exactly?” Yoongi asks playfully, smirking at you and you roll your eyes god he needed to educate himself.

The party ended early, well for you anyways after the cake you’d dance a few songs with Taehyung’s dick pressed to the small of your back, you’d made friends with Sweetpea and Yoongi. Jimin had stopped by as they were leaving and had hugged Sweetpea so tight (which you later learned was his sister), he’d brought along a ‘friend’ who was a medical examiner in the morgue of the police station he worked at. You’d nearly choked seeing her, she introduced herself as Dove who enjoyed scaring Jimin and worked with dead people she explained. She’d come as Strawberry Shortcake, her wig a bubblegum pink and her outfit intricate with lace and frills. She talked fast which normally would've been fine but the jungle juice had been too much. Jimin had steered her away from you as you looked sleepily to Taehyung, packing up as much cake as you thought you could eat. The night however hadn’t ended with the party. Taehyung had driven you to his house which he liked to think was closer than yours, and now here you were giggling up a storm as he did his best impression of Trevor Belmont from Castlevania.

“What say you Speaker, do you think you could handle Taehyung Belmont’s thick length?” you snort.

“Length? Who even says that?” he’s laughing body molded to yours still dressed in his costume, and you feel the laugh more than hear it. You’d been lazily kissing on his bed not long ago, making up for all the time you hadn’t kissed him earlier when you’d asked him if you could have his Magic Stick. He’d pulled away from your lips an elegant brow raised in question, you’d giggled first encouraging him into an all out cringe war.

“Okay, enough of that.” he says going back to your neck nipping gently before smoothing his tongue over the irritated skin. He's careful to pull your costume off, hands meeting the warmth of your skin after discarding each item. You shiver the cool air nipping at your heated skin, as Taehyung trails kisses down your neck to your chest.

“Tae.” you whine as he kisses one of your tits then the other.

“S’okay baby, I got you.” he whispers, taking a nipple in his mouth. He’s careful with you today and for some reason it warms your insides. One of his hands has trailed down your body cupping your pussy, he runs his fingers over your lips testing your wetness. A moan slips from your mouth because it never takes long to work you up, he chuckles against your tit. He teases your entrance with the tip of his finger before dragging it to your clit and applying a little bit of pressure. You’re pussy clenches growing wetter with every circle off his fingers on your clit, he slides his fingers back down slowly slipping in a single digit. It feels good, the angle just barely manages to scrape against that spot only he’s ever found.

“Oh god” you cry softly as he slowly slides another finger in, he shushes you with a kiss to your cheek.

“You’re doing so good baby, can you take another?”

“Y-yes, please.” Taehyung sighs into your skin adding a third finger and thrusting a little faster into your pussy. There’s a soft squelching sound as more of your slick gushes from your entrance, coating his fingers as they continue to pump in and out of your pussy. You’ve started to shift your hips thrusting into his fingers to add to the grown friction, a coil pulling tanut in your belly. A warmth settles in the low of your belly growing as you swivel your hips to meet his pace, you’ve lost the ability to think as Taehyung pulls his finger from you rubbing at your clit with his slicked up fingers and groaning as your hips jolt off the bed.

“Tell me what you want.” he says, pulling his fingers away from your clit making you whine at the loss.

“Want your cock.”

“Think you’re pretty pussy can take me baby?”

“Yes, please, please.” Your eyes are glazed as you watch him pull off his shirt tossing it to the side, then yanking down his pants boxers and all. He wraps a hand around his cock pumping a few times spreading the precum that's beaded at the tip. He’s reaching over to the nightstand, when you place a hand to his arm. His eyes meet yours in a question, one that makes your cheeks heat further.

“I want to like this.” you say suddenly shy, eyes darting away from his. He smiles softly using his clean hand to bring your gaze back to his.

“Are you sure?” he asks, you nod spreading your legs wider to better fit his hips. He kisses you soft, just the way you like as he slides his cock through your slick and lining himself to your entrance. He’s sliding in slowly filling your pussy inch by inch watching your expression and the way he disappears inside you. He starts off slow sliding in and out of you in a way that you know is his way of making you feel every inch of him. His cock hits deep like this, it’s your favorite position because you’re surrounded by him. His hair is hanging in his face, brows furrowed, as he thrust a little faster into your heat, your pussy clenches every time his cock hits that spongy bundle of nerves his finger barely managed to scrape.

“Yes, right there” you sigh letting your eyes slip closed as he pumps his hips faster into your pussy. The squelch grows louder as do your cries, taehyung grunts at the way your pussy tightens around his cock, your chest is flushed and your hands scramble to find something to hold on to. There’s tears at your lash line pooling at the corner of your eyes ready to fall but haven’t. He drops his weight wrapping his arms around your body and switching your positions. Your eyes have fluttered open with a gasp, his cock hitting that much deeper with you on top, you feel shy again as his gaze travels over your naked chest falling to where he’s inside you.

“C’mon baby fuck me, fuck yourself on my cock.” he says taking hold of your hands intertwining your finger and bringing them to his lips. You lift your hips dropping them quickly, your breaths are shaky as the warmth grows, you swivel your hips grinding your clit against his pelvis. Your hands are rested on your hips still intertwined with his as he thrusts up to add to the friction. The tears finally fall, your cries increase as you cum, your pussy clamping down on Taehyung's cock as he pumps his hips to prolong your high and find his own, you’ve stopped moving thighs twitching as your walls pulse around him. Your head is buried in his chest and you manage to shift your hips slightly when his muttered curses finally make it into your ears. You’re sensitive, but you’ll be damned if he doesn’t cum in you the first time you go sans condom.

“Fuck yeah, just like that.” he groans as a new warmth fills you, he’s panting hands settled on your hips while you lay limp against his chest.

“I love you.” you mumble against his skin feeling him stiffen beneath you.

“W-what?” he asks, you shift sitting up and lovingly gazing down at him.

“I love you.” you repeat as he gazes at you with love in his eyes and smiles. It’s the first time you’ve said it and its not because of the sex, but because you’re finally ready to give your heart away again, this time though you know for sure its in good hands.

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