#truly! i am a person who likes control over my food + routines + living space!!!!

[soldier-poet-king]

emotionally i am facedown on the floor and like nothing is objectively /wrong/ but im being strangled by my commute and i really need my own place. even a shoebox like i had in collegetown....just control and routine and the smallest of things make it all bearable and even maybe joyful

[dearcosmosis]

Hi Lovely Child

* This is a letter from my imaginary mother to myself. *

---

Hi my lovely child, how are you? By now, you are already in your favourite country, living a lifestyle you have imagined. I am really happy for you, you totally deserve this, your falu house of dreams. It was your hard work and persistent that brought you there.

You wear your heart on your sleeves and I admired you for it. It is not easy to put your heart there for the sun and rain to shower on them, without knowing you'll be reciprocated. I feel like I see the real you, and I appreciate you for letting me into your authentic self. I'm over here, you're over there.

When your father left us, I went down a abyss of black hole. I turned into an angry person that refused to be consoled. I am sorry that I had to run away from home to roam the streets so that you do not have to see my tears. It was all that I was capable of, outside a lifeless mundane routine of slogging my soul for money. I was lost and had to turn to a bf to have money to bring food to the table. It must be awful to see me and him together in our house. It was not his house and I did not ask your permission too. In my bitterness and absence compelled you to grow up faster than you needed to. I am beyond words to know that you wanted to kill yourself and am ashamed that you never found it in yourself to tell me that - it seemed like you were too overwhelmed by my depression to smile again. But know this, my glass must be full before I can take care of other glasses. Beneath all these I love you for your bravery to mother yourself - I never have to worry about anything so that I can be me. You've been taking care of me and I've allowed it - but no more. I love you for who you are, you don't need to do anything to earn my love. You are not empty beautiful lady, because it is always in you. 

One thing I am truly apologetic is that I never had the strength to learn controlling my emotions, and using you and your brother as pawns to feud with your father. You know, you are my youngest child, my lucky star, I never found it in me to bring you to my divorce hearing, because I saw the torn family photo and thought this will break you apart. But as if anything, all emotions must be processed and taking that away from you was my mistake. My unresolved anger had the best of me, that it blinded me beyond knowing your genuine self. I had not able to face my own pains until now. What's mine has been with you. Its time for them to return to me, where it nelongs. You are free to be yourself, to feel, to do your heart's desires, to love - the world is your oyster. I promised to influence but not coerce your choices. Take a step back now until you can feel your own life flowing back into you.

When you wanted to go independent in Japan, I was immature and insecure, suffering from a serious bout of separation anxiety. I was lonely, had no money and no confident of dealing with all these along my financial stresses. It clouded me beyond believing in your potential, even though you really did not need my permission to do so. You were such a sweetheart to think so, thank you for staying by my side even though all we did is to spear and fight. I know you will heal and fly far. You are worthy and capable. I am with you and I approve of you. You are you, and I am I; you are your own person. You're my child, and you're separate from me. My feelings do not have to be your feelings. I've been too close to you, and I see the toll it has taken on you. It must have been overwhelming with all my needs and emotions, which had made it difficult for you to have space for yourself. I will step back now so that my love doesn't overpower you. I'm staying over here to take joy in watching you live your life.

My coerced intentions and purchases were me trying to compensate you for my blunders. I am small and weak. If you want to fly far and away from me, you can and will. From now on, I will try to listen, to impact and not influence; to support not bridge distance. I will be my own hero, and I choose to support you on your journey in life. I needed you to be happy for me to be happy. This is my choice of life. I am working on limiting my helplessness and my coercive power to uplift me to be a better person. I let myself live for you to live. That is my true north. We are standing in the way of light.

[21-day-flat-belly-fix-pdf-ebook]

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[alreadyblondenow]

Bad boys bring Heaven to you | Mark Lee

▸ Mark Lee x reader ▸ Smut, Smut, Smut, Fluff, Angst, demon au ▸ HALLOWEEN SERIES: 127 HOUSE ▸ 4/5 for NEOHALLOWEEN writing festival hosted by @nct-writers​

Summary: He was your guardian angel and your dark desires changed him for the creature that he is now. He gave you a baby so he can make sure that you’re going to be together forever,  but you don’t want to keep it.

Word count: 9k

Warnings: Rough sex, vanilla sex, a lot of sex will happen I’m telling you, overstimulation, pregnancy, filthy, minor/major(?) character killings, major character death, possessive behaviour, swearing, mentions of other idols, unprotected sex hence the pregnancy, mention of abortion, hospital scenes,  

A/N: FILTH. But I lessen the smut scenes (just a bit hehe)  Words in Italics are Mark’s thoughts.

Taglist: (if I happen to forgot you, I’m sorry! But these names are on my list. Thank you!) @huangxx @floweringtheflowers @minejungwoo @swimmingkpopblog @luvlyjaemin @capablemork8299 @jaehyunoos @neospirited @shanghai-lu @jenotation @strawberrytyong @lilminyoongles @cottonmyeonbby @neosaniuniverse @simp4mk @jaejaenim @junglewoos​ @sunshineleedonghyuck​ 

I used to be your guardian angel, but being a demon is the only way that I can be with you.

Guard and protect. Those are the only things that I should be doing as I stay by your side until your dying breath. Guard your heart so you could make the right decisions in life and help you with your choices. Protect you from all kinds of harm so you can live a long happy life until your time finally comes.

You just turned ten years old when you were assigned to me, I just turned thirteen at that time. I even sang you a happy birthday together with the others during your celebration. I was beside you when you blew the candle and listened to your wish. From there on it’s always been you and me, we pretty much grew up together.

I guide you with your decisions every day, protect you inside and outside your home, and listen to your prayers. Oh, I love to listen to your voice whenever you pray. It calms me and your prayers are good proof that I’m doing a great job as your guardian angel.

But as we grow up, you started making impulsive decisions that I don’t have control with. You changed during your teenage years, you no longer pray and let me hear the sound of your prayers anymore. I’m afraid you will no longer need me and that they will assign me to a new human after a few years.

When you were seventeen, you almost lost your virginity to someone who’s not worthy. I’m sorry but I have to meddle with that so I stopped it and gave the guy a piercing headache. I feel sorry for what I’ve done, truly. But he doesn’t deserve you.

I feel bad about what I did so I seek guidance from my senior angel, Doyoung. I told him everything that I felt the moment I saw the guy enter your room and watch him kiss you and put his hands around your body. I told Doyoung that for the first time, I hated your smile because you like what the guy is doing to you.

Do you know what Doyoung told me? He said that I’m starting to be unholy and have feelings for you.  

And it’s true. I’m starting to be more and more ungodly as I continue to watch you touch yourself every night with your fingers inside you, and instead of prayers, I hear moans from you every night. You started to have perverted desires which I can’t help you with because I’m an angel. I’m completely aware that I’m failing with my mission and scared to face my senior angels and keep me away from you.

If I lose you, I will be meaningless.

I sold my soul to the devil so I can be with you and follow you to a path full of desires.

It’s still the same. I’m still me but my job has no rules now and I can do whatever that pleases me to keep you in my life. Over the years of being a demon, I watch you now in a very different way. I watch you shower and get dressed, I watch you touch yourself with legs wide open as I masturbate beside you, I possessed every guy you have sex with and we always have a great time.

But I want more than this.

For many years, you’ve already mastered the art of living alone and you are your own companion. Alone in the morning, alone at night. It is a lonely and tiring life, but still, you find comfort in being just with yourself.  

Eating dinner alone in a fast food restaurant near your apartment has been your daily routine since the day you’ve landed the job of being a real estate agent away from home. Selling houses left and right, having the luxury and time to flirt and enjoy one night stands, earning buckets and buckets of money, but still, you feel alone and incomplete.

As you were just about to start to dig in, your phone rang, it was your boss calling about 127 House. The haunted house that’s been unoccupied for almost three years now and has been threatened to be taken down tomorrow and it’s part of your job to save it.

“Someone is finally interested, were going to meet him at the office tomorrow. My assistant says it’s an anonymous buyer and we just have to wait for tomorrow to talk things out” he explains excitedly. The sound of his voice was a little loud on the phone.  

“This is great news” you answered calmly, “I love that house thankfully were saving it. Have your assistant send me the details for tomorrow- Yeah, thank you!”

One of the many good things that you love about your job, is the happiness that comes with it when a house can be a home after being empty and cold for years. Haunted or not, just like a normal house, the 127 House deserves to be a home for a family.  

After having dinner alone, you quickly reviewed some of the contracts for the anonymous client for tomorrow, reviewing your presentation one last time and finally letting out a big sigh, patting yourself on the shoulder, telling yourself ‘good job.’ It would be so great if someone can really say it in front of your face and actually getting a pat on the shoulder.

Thankful nonetheless because finally you have time for yourself and reward yourself with a nice shower. But even during your shower, you were spaced out and you kept thinking how it’s actually a miracle that the 127 House got a buyer a day before it’s going to be taken down. The house was beautiful, haunted but beautiful. It would be such a waste if it wasn’t given a second chance.

“Oh fuck” you cursed when you realized you put too much soap on your body. As you were busy rinsing all the soap from your body, down to your legs until your toes, when you felt something touch your wet hair, and you turned around to see if something fell off from your rack but there's nothing, weird. You shrugged it off and continue rinsing your soapy skin, and finally putting shampoo on your hair. You close your eyes and massage your scalp, you love how the hot water feels against your skin and how it calms your nerves. Then again, you felt something touch your skin. But this time it ran up and down your slit and you’re sure it's not the hot water.

Quickly you ended your peaceful shower, reached for your towel, and prepare yourself for bed. Maybe it was hot water after all and you were just being paranoid and tired from work. The comfort your bed provides felt even more relaxing as you entertain yourself and scroll through Twitter for a moment, reading updates and seeing different trends then an interesting small clip of porn catches your attention. You watch it like a hawk and allow yourself to be aroused and turned on. Satisfied with the porn you just watched, you removed your shorts and underwear leaving only your thin oversized shirt, and proceed to touch yourself freely.

Sucking your point and middle finger, you played with your slit with your wet fingers running it up and down until you get wet real good. Teasing yourself before you proceed on putting it inside, you shamelessly spread your legs wider lifting your shirt so you could pinch your nipples while you make yourself feel good down there.

“Yes, baby”

You heard someone talk near you but there’s no one in the room but you. You live alone. Not bothering about it anymore, you closed your eyes again and continue touching yourself. “Ohhh baby” you moan and feed your imagination that someone is making you feel good right now. You part your mouth and let out soft moans, kicking your blanket until it falls.

“Open your eyes”

“Ow” you suddenly felt something pinched your right nipple. You opened your eyes and stopped what you’re doing because the creepy things that are happening tonight are getting out of hand. You see a shadow of someone seated right beside you and you quickly grabbed anything you could cover your legs with for you feel so exposed in front of a stranger who could be a rapist.

“Are you getting shy? Baby?”

You open your lampshade with a slight panic and you see lustful eyes looking deep into yours. Whoever this person is, he looked angelic but what he’s doing right now says otherwise. “We can talk after we fuck. Can you remove your shirt?” his surprisingly sexy voice made you gave in and followed what he asked for. “Don’t be scared, alright?” he added.

With nervous hands, you nod and sat up immediately to remove your shirt and make yourself naked in front of the handsome stranger. Suddenly, he’s right beside you, naked and arms pillowing his head showing off his arms, cock hard already. Is this a dream? This has to be.

“I’m Mark. How do you want this? Do I fuck you or do you fuck me?” he asked confidently with a teasing smirk.

“I fuck you” you said, since he looks so handsome laying in bed like that, the urge to ride your imaginary man is growing and growing and it’s making you hornier. He’s like a magnet that invites you to straddle him and ride him until he's gone and you can finally rest.

“I don’t think so” he got up from his comfortable position and kissed your neck wildly holding your shoulders as he kisses you down to the mattress “Do you know what I am? Hmm?” his kisses were addicting and it’s making you weak like he’s sucking all your energy. He slaps your ass deliciously when you don’t answer him, the sting stayed on your right ass cheek for a few seconds.

“A man from my dream?” you answered weakly.

“Correct. And I’m a demon” the last word made you shiver and you tried to push him away, even tried kicking him but it’s useless. “What’s wrong? You weren’t like this when you were moaning just a few minutes ago” his deep voice scares the shit out of you but it makes you horny at the same time. This isn’t right. To your surprise, he licks a long stripe on your neck and told you, “You’re mine”

He flips you on the mattress pinning your arms down with a force. “Close your legs tightly and don’t fucking move, I’m going to play with you” you closed your legs and you feel him massage your ass cheeks telling you how they’re perfectly soft and bouncy, teasing your cunt from behind and licking it until he’s satisfied and happy on how wet you are.  

The position Mark put you in, made you even more harder to breathe and you can’t move for your own liking. You feel him push his cock without caution, fucking you with closed legs as he loses his mind with how good you feel around him. You, on the other hand, is a moaning mess. Gasping and breathing much air for your life as you let the demon fuck you quick and rough. Mark put his entire weight on your back, resting his left cheek on your face, thrusting in your tight cunt as you whimper and grunt under him.

“Oh baby, does it hurt?” he felt you nod your head and flinch whenever he gave you sharp thrusts. “Shhh baby, I don’t care. It feels good around me” he said and reached for your lips for a soft kiss. The handsome demon continued giving you hard and piercing thrust until he came inside you, “Now slowly spread your legs” you followed him weakly and you wished you didn’t.

Spreading your legs for him just gave him a new angle that made you more sensitive. Unconsciously, you arched your back for him now making the demon happy and smirk as he pounds you from behind, “you look so hot from up here, I might get you pregnant” you moan out how good he feels and grip the sheets on your bed. By this time only the sheets and the mattress can understand how intense the sex is.

He cupped your boobs from behind with both hands, still fucking you good but even deeper this time. “Oh please, this is too much” you cry out and beg but he never listens, he just gives you low chuckles. Low devilish chuckles.

When he finally stopped the good torture, you thought that was it, but you’re wrong. He stopped for a second and made you kneel against his chest and put his middle and point finger in your mouth and coat it with your spit, “tell me Y/n, do you want a baby? boy or a girl?” he removed his fingers and put it on your clit, drawing circles slowly as he enjoys listening to your whimpers while waiting for your answer.

“A boy” you gasp sharply as you try your best to answer. His fingers are making you weak that you’re legs are already giving up, you just want to lay flat on the mattress. He put the same fingers again in your mouth, letting you taste your pussy juices.

“Great choice. Want me to cum inside you, huh” you nod at him not because you want it, but you just want to satisfy the demon and feel him pound against you deliciously again. He can’t actually plant a baby inside you, right? This is a dream.

He pushed you on the bed and flipped you again, “Please be gentle, I beg you you’re so big” you reached for Mark’s face hoping that he has even a small ounce of mercy for you. Being underneath him like this made you realized that he is even more handsome up close, you bravely touched the soft skin of his face wondering how can someone or something looked so angelic on the outside but demonic on the inside.  

As you admire the beauty of the demon on top of you, he made himself comfortable in between your legs kissing your body, and sucking your nipples just how you wanted. “Okay, since you asked so so so nicely baby” he kissed you and proceeds to line his cock in your entrance, pushing in slowly and gently as you requested for the first time tonight. Giving you a few slow and gently thrusts, you moaned and smiled whiled he let you enjoy your request. You may not know, but the demon is admiring your smile, so he kissed those soft lips of yours once again. “Now, can I rough you up a little?” he sure has no patience. You have no other choice when he puts your arms around him, “I’ll let you touch me”  

Thrusting hard again in no time, making your boobs bounce underneath him. Again, you whimper and asked for more this time. “Can I kiss you?” you asked with ragged breaths, he answered your question with a kiss, as if he’s letting you know that you can kiss him whenever you want to, in exchange for fucking you hard.

“You’re mine from now on” he repeats over and over again, hearing him grunt and moans like he was in pain but he was having a mind blowing orgasm. Shooting his cum inside you, looking at how fucked you are right now.

“Will I see you again? Tell me I’ll see you again” you whine under heavy breathing.

Mark kissed your parted lips sweetly, “you will, you will” he answers you. It’s like he has a switch or an off button for his rough attitude because he’s suddenly sweet. “It’s over now baby, you did great. Hmm.” he kept on kissing your lips until you have the energy to kiss him back. “That was great right? We will be great parents”

 I left Heaven for you and gladly I will leave Hell too.

I am a selfish demon.

My intention for you is to love you deeply every day for as long as I exist. You may not hear me tell you ‘i love you’ but my actions are good and enough proof that my love for you is real and I want to show more.

I no longer want to possess another human just so I can talk to you or have sex with you. I no longer want to meet you secretly in your dreams and remain as your imaginary man. I want to wake up beside you and see your smile first thing in the morning, to be able to exist and be part of your life completely, walk on the streets hand in hand and live a full life with you.

It’s too much to ask, I know. But it’s not a bad thing.

As I watch you grow as an adult, you became more and more lonely, incomplete, and unsatisfied with the things you have in your life. I can make you happy I’m sure of it.

And giving you a baby is something that can make you need me or can make you want me to stay and be part of your life. I’m sorry.

But I’m a selfish demon and all I wanted is to be with you.

The sound of your phone ringing woke you up from a disturbingly nice dream. Another call from your boss about 127 House, today is the day that the house will finally be saved. As you stretch your body in bed, it’s weird how you feel so sore and tired when you perfectly remember sleeping early last night and had the weirdest dream in your life. The sex from the dream played like a movie picture in your head, the handsome face of the demon is engraved in your mind, “Mark” you whispered as you remember his name and how he kissed you oh so sweetly while he was telling you that you’re going to be great parents.

Knowing that it’s just a dream, you shrugged it off and started your day with a nice coffee and light breakfast, reviewing your presentation on the side for later, making sure that everything you say about the house will not make the buyer turn their back.

Another day at the office is another annoying day with your boss, which is also your ex boyfriend. Yuta is a good proof that you don’t know how to be with someone else other than yourself because you’re used to being alone that you don’t let other people inside your life. And yet, you feel lonely and you still want to try. Yuta is a great guy, but the problem is not him, it’s you.

“Well you look beautiful… and glowing” he greets you with his perfect smile before you two enter the empty and cold conference room. He recognizes that glow, and it hurts his pride that you’re fucking somebody else and not him. Even though it’s clear to him that you’re not together anymore, he still thinks he owns you.

You smiled back at him and proceed to prepare your things before the client comes in. It’s obvious that something is bothering Yuta, you wanted to ask him but you’re afraid to give him the wrong idea about you being concerned. So you focused your mind elsewhere and did not mind him further.

“Ah! Mr. Lee, welcome. Please take a seat. May I introduce you to one of my finest realtor, Ms. Y/n. Leave everything to her”

The client is facing Yuta and all you can see is his handsome figure from behind, nice ass, you thought. You put up a smile and ready yourself to shake hands with the client that will save the 127 House. “Hi Mr. Lee-“

It was truly an unexpected moment. You will never forget that angelic face that you admired so much in your dream. You try to hide your uneasiness and remained professional as you shake hands with Mr. Lee and proceed with your presentation.

During your presentation, you can’t stop thinking of the man with the same face and angelic features as Mr. Lee, fucking you senseless in your dream. It was just a dream but as you dive in more to the memory, you can almost feel the wet kisses that he left on your neck, the way he hurt you so good stretching your cunt, and his amazing duality after the sex. “…and that is all for 127 House, which will all be yours after we schedule you for a private tour so can see for yourself-“

“Tell me Ms. Y/n, do you like this house?”

“It’s one of our best, of course, sir-“

“No. I mean. Do you see yourself smiling and completely happy if you happen to own the 127 House?”

It’s a question that you can’t answer on the spot but come to think of it, yes, having a family with a big house to call it home isn’t such a bad choice in life. But for now, having a family is not on your cards clearly because you’re single at the moment and you’re not ready to have a family of your own. To answer your client’s question, “Yes, sir. I think the 127 House will change my life upside down, in and out if I happen to own it. My future children will have such beautiful home” you smiled awkwardly at him, hoping that your answer finally satisfies him.

“You’re going to be a great parent,” he says with a teasing tone that you don’t know what it’s for. You were sure that he’s smirking at you while Yuta explains the contract to Mr. Lee’s assistant and you were sure, that he has something to do with your dream. This can’t be.

As Yuta finishes the meeting with a light note and had his secretary help Mr. Lee with the contract and money talk, you can’t help but think about your future. A husband, your own house, having kids, all those things were floating in your mind. “If you wanted the house you could’ve just told me” Yuta’s voice brought you back to reality. The conference room was again empty and it’s you and Yuta were all that’s left.

“What are you talking about” you fixed your things and try to avoid Yuta’s presence.

“We could’ve been married and have kids you know,” he came close to you like he’s just about to kiss you.

“And I broke up with you for a reason, that I don’t love you anymore. Stop hurting yourself Yu, were fine now don’t ruin this” hearing that made Yuta remember the night you broke up with him. Still hurt like hell he thought.

You left him in the conference room and went back to work, went on with your usual day at the office. Busying yourself further and finishing loads of tasks before you head home. But despite your busy day, you kept on thinking about Mr. Lee over and over again, and that demon in your dream who had sex with you and told you about being great parents. Something is connecting the demon and Mr. Lee but you can’t point out what exactly.

As much as you want to deny the clues and just move forward with your life, your gut tells you that they’re the same person and there’s only one way to find out, ask the demon. But he never showed up again which leads you to your second option, contact Mr. Lee or his assistant. And as expected, they’re out of reach. It’s absurd, time wasting, and scary, but you would rather be scared of the truth than not knowing anything at all.

Night after night, you hopelessly wait for the handsome demon to visit you again. Secretly hoping that he will show up in your dream, even just for a minute no more no less, even if it’s just for sex, you just need to talk to him.

Work piles up and you continue to busy yourself selling houses, closing deals every week, watching couples be happy because they finally have a home, hoping that someday that could be you so you won’t get lonely in life. But with whom?

“You look awful, are you okay?” that’s what Yuta said instead of greeting you good morning and flirt with you like he normally does.

“Yeah. I feel like shit, but I’m fine. Maybe overworked, but I’m fine” it’s true, you don’t usually get sick because of overworking but this is different. You feel weak and tired even if you got enough sleep. Heck, even if you’re not working you’re still tired and dizzy. “So I was thinking some of the major points for the campaign-“

You didn’t finish your sentence and left Yuta in your office and ran to the nearest restroom to throw up. It was not hungover, that part you’re sure, you don’t get sick like whenever you’re tired from work. It doesn't make any sense. Then you realized, “fuck, I’m late” and there's only one person or creature to blame. Mark, the demon.

Hot tears fall from your eyes as you flush the toilet, wipe your mouth, and gather your strength to come out of the cubicle. To your surprise, Yuta was just outside the lady's restroom, waiting for you and making sure that you’re okay. He has his own thoughts and if he’s being completely honest, he’s disgusted. How can you be so stupid? Getting yourself knocked up before you even get married?

“Who’s the father?” he leaned on the door frame, arms crossed and already judging you.

“Please Yuta not now” the last thing you need right now is your ex being unreasonable.

“Are you going to keep it? I’m willing to pay for the abortion, I know you’re not yet ready” that’s it. That made you snap. Yuta is a nice person, but sometimes he doesn’t know what he’s talking about and he constantly forgets his role in your life.

“How dare you. I’m speechless Yuta. You don’t want this baby not because of the reason that I’m not ready but for your selfish reasons, which I’m not interested. You’re my boss, can I leave early?”

Of course, Yuta didn’t take it well. His pride was hurt, the baby is like an ending note for the both of you. The meaningless conversation with Yuta lasted for almost half an hour, it’s like a never ending loophole whenever you talk to him about personal issues and you hate it. With or without Yuta’s permission, you went home and take care of yourself. The pregnancy test made it official and once again, you feel lost and lonely more than ever. How can the demon do this to you? Is this some kind of joke? Or maybe you’re just a one time thing for him.

Hoping that everything will be fine once you’re all well rested, you decided to sleep it off and try to fix and handle things when you wake up. The moment you closed your eyes, you feel wet kisses all over your exposed shoulders. You even felt the bed dip as if someone joined you to bed and shared their warmth.

“Baby I’m here” Mark whispers, trying to wake you up. It may not feel like it, but you were sleeping for two hours already. “You’re not just a one time thing for me" he added.

His hot breath woke you up, and finally seeing the handsome demon again unexpectedly made you feel better and welcomed him with a warm hug. Even Mark was shocked but he accepts your hug and returned to you even more warmly. His skin is hot, or maybe that’s just his warmth. He smelled like cinnamon, hot afternoons, did he just came from hell and went straight to your apartment?  

“I didn’t show up for days because I wanted to make sure you wanted to see me” he disturbed your thoughts. Putting your hair away from your face and leaving light feathery kisses on your lips.

“Mark, I’m pregnant” you finally blurted out. Curious about what he’s going to react.

“And?” he was avoiding eye contact not because he’s shy, but because he can’t believe he can admire you closely like this and you finally know he exists. “Can we fuck first then talk later?”

You still have a lot of questions for him but he never gave you answers and it frustrates you. It’s been weeks since the last time you saw each other and he’s thinking about fucking right now. Unbelievable. “Not having sex with you until you tell me answers,” you said as gentle as possible, not wanting the demon to leave you empty handed again.

He just chuckled. Well, at least he’s not leaving yet because he’s starting to spread kisses all over your exposed skin. Feeling those incredible lips again makes you even more relaxed, his hands all around your sides roaming softly. You can’t believe you’re finally letting him in without boundaries.

“Show me your tits,” he said, lifting your thin shirt so easily.

“If I showed you my tits will you stop and finally have a decent conversation with me?”

“If you showed me your tits, baby I wont' stop. I’m here to remind you that you’re mine” he said heavily breathing from the hungry kiss biting your ears, your neck, and your lips. You pushed him away for a moment but it was a gentle push. You didn’t want to piss him off.

His hands are ready to push your bra down, he’s just waiting for you to let go and stop being a bitch. You figured you got nothing to lose so you grabbed his face and kissed him like how you missed him. Putting his hands on your boobs, guiding his hands to push down your bra and show him your tits. “That’s my girl,” he said in between kisses, feeling his warm smile before he pulls away and finally looks at your tits. “Mine,” he said, before licking a long stripe from your left nipple up to your chest, neck, and ends on your lips. Kissing you passionately before he does it again with your right boob. “Lift your chest” you followed what he said and you felt him unclasp your bra swiftly, It was a sign to remove your shirt and help him undress you.

Both naked in bed kissing like a loving couple, Mark decided to go a little easy on you tonight. After all, roughing you up is not part of his plan and purpose of his visit. He goes on top of you, lips still not leaving yours. “Did you miss me?” he asks, you can only answer using your hungry kisses. You feel his hand travel up and down your body oh so softly you’re starting to get ticklish that your lips parts because of his soft touches, he puts your panties in your mouth and your eyes widened in shock.

“I’m going to go easy on you tonight, don’t worry” he says. Mark looks handsomely scary and filthy right now in between your open legs licking your boobs and brushing his hand on your nipples making you sensitive. He reaches for your hand to suck your fingers good while looking directly in your eyes. You rolled your head back on your fluffy pillows, moaning and whimpering, letting your ruined panties in your mouth muffle the sounds that you’re making. If this was his idea of going easy then you’re fucked.

Mark let’s go of your left hand so he can touch your pussy while kissing your lower abdomen. Your hips roll uncontrollably and Mark likes the sounds that you’re making. He kneels in front of you and grabbed your free hand to pump his cock, play with its tip before he goes in. He lines his cock to your entrance and pushed in one hard thrust. Since your mouth is occupied, you can only hear Mark’s grunts while fucking you hard in the first few thrusts. It was too much, you were in tears. Sobbing and whimpering from the hurt. He noticed it. He removed your panties from your mouth crashing his lips to yours the moment he threw your wet panties away. “That was hot right?” He continues to kiss you wildly while giving you merciless thrusts. You try to breathe and catch your breath but he won't let you, “Mark, please” you call him out weakly.

“No, baby. You’re doing perfect don’t disappoint me” he kissed and kissed you until both of your lips are swollen. Thrust and thrust in your pussy until your boobs bounce nonstop and you’re on edge. The moment you reached your orgasm, Mark kissed you softly but he never stopped fucking you. You smiled at him, reaching for his face for another sweet kiss, helping him catch his sweet release.

He gave you three piercing thrusts that hurt so bad but felt so good before he pulls out and came on your pussy lips. Spreading white thick fluids all over your folds, and going in for the last time for his own satisfaction and pullout again quickly. It was a quick stretch that hurt but it was bearable.

He lay down beside you, spooning you and kissing your shoulders. Running a finger on your nipples as you both calm down and enjoy your fluffy bed and soft pillows. “As always you did good” he cuddles with you in bed, something you didn’t see coming. Even though he’s all scary and rude he’s capable of being sweet and you love it.

“How about that talk you owe me?” you kissed his neck as a way of returning the favor for making you feel good.

“Let’s go on a date. I want to do this right, it’s never my intention to scare you”

“You’re naturally scary, you don’t know that?” he smiles and made his one arm as his pillow so he can look at you properly.

“I’ll stop the baby from growing. For now. One date Y/n, and if you still hate me it’s over between us. The baby… the baby is my only way so I can stay with you forever”  

Weird. The idea of Mark leaving you doesn’t sound so good. And to be honest you want to spend more time with him. He nuzzles your armpit making you laugh and giggle and at the same time. He’s cute when he's in the good mood.

“You could have asked me to go on a date first before you knocked me up,” you kissed his cheek and watch him roll his eye at you. Handsome. So handsome you thought.

“No. Having a baby will be our priority. Please, let's be happy. I can change your life”

Unfortunately, as you listen to the handsome demon confess his feelings for you, you suddenly thought about Yuta. Your ex wanted the exact same thing and things didn’t go well between you two. There’s something different about Mark that makes you want to try and work this family thing out with him. Even if he’s a demon if he can love you unconditionally, well having a family with him isn’t so bad.

But still, you need time. And getting you pregnant first before building an established relationship is too much.

I knew you will not take it easily, and it's fine by me I have all the patience in the world.

I'm selfish but I can’t force you to love me and your love, that’s what I want. That’s why I have to win you. Even if going on dates isn’t my best way to make you fall in love with me, it’s the right thing to do.

Yes, I can force you to stay in my house with that baby, but being together without love…well, what’s the point of it?

Now, I’m sorry for getting you pregnant first. I’m desperate. I long for you. You’re like a dream that I’m willing to do everything just so you can come true.  

The most awaited dinner was full of flirting, low giggles, and honest talk. You insist on knowing him more and you’re more than happy to introduce yourself but he seems like he knew you all too well. “There’s nothing much to know about me” he takes a bite from his steak, “But let me be honest and I hope I won't scare you… I used to be your guardian angel…”

You listen to the whole story of the truth on how he used to be your guardian angel and became a demon because you embraced such pleasures in life. He told you how he fell in love with you even more when he became dark, he said that it felt good that there's nothing holding him back. “Believe it or not, I was your first. I couldn’t stomach watching you have sex with anyone else other than me” he explained further how he possessed every guy you had sex with and you find it amusing how he’s completely possessive when it comes to you.

“So Yuta?”

“Oh no no, not him. He has his own demon I can’t possess him. And that was my breaking point. When you two were together, I was broken, I feel abandoned and I secretly hope that you two break up, then it happened and I have nothing to do with it I promise. So now I’m here, taking my chance”

You question him further about your life, asking him about the things you only knew about yourself, things that only your family can answer, and not even your closest friends. Not because you doubt his honesty, but only because it's amusing to listen to him. All this time you weren’t alone. All these years of believing that you’re alone, little did you know you have Mark. The things that he’s telling you does not make you feel weird, it’s like you’re talking to a long lost friend who knew everything about you.

It’s amazing how he’s a demon but his honesty amazes you as he’s not capable of lying. Maybe he has something left from being an angel? Nonetheless, you see nothing wrong with giving him a chance to give you happiness. “Still you could have been honest first and take me on a date before you- you know”

“No, I need you to need me. That’s the only way. I’m here on a date with you because I can’t win you by playing tough, maybe I can win you by playing nice. So please stop hating me about the baby. I really want it with you” he reached for your hand on the table and caressed it with his thumb.

“I don’t hate you, Mark in fact I like you, I really do but the baby is too much. We can still try and be in a relationship without having a baby”

“Just give us a chance” he winked at you and continue eating his steak.  

As you two continue the wonderful dinner and setting aside the baby talk for the rest of the night, he filled your heart with wonderful promises that you’re looking forward to seeing him do. And while he was talking, you noticed how your heart skip a beat when he raises his eyebrows and smirk. Handsome demon, that’s what he is.

During the car ride which you don’t know where he’s taking you, he never let go of your hand, kissing the back of it whenever he can and making you giggle with his spontaneous sweetness. “Where are you taking me? I thought you’re going to drive me home”

“I am. Were going home” You turned silent when you saw the beautiful white house from afar. He brought you to 127 House. “I bought this house because you were desperate to sell it. Also, that’s why I asked you if you see yourself being happy owning the house” he added and kissed your hand again.

The house is even more beautiful at night, Mark let you admire the house as he follows you and watch you with full admiration. You love what he did to the house, rather than a mansion with a plain interior he made it look like it’s ready to be a home for a family. What you see is not a demon who manipulated you, Mark is a desperate man who’s willing to try to make you happy and who’s desperate to have a family of his own with the woman that he loves. You.

“Welcome home?” he says.

“It’s too early for that Mark, I like you but how can you be so sure about this?” his confidence amuse you.

He scoffed and raised his eyebrows on you, caging you with a warm embrace from behind as you two watch the calm water on the pool outside. “You sound like I haven’t fucked you already. I’m confident about this. Welcome home” he repeats and planted a kiss on your temple. A simple gesture that makes you happy.

As you two enjoy the comfortable silence while swaying side to side for some time, you feel his hot breath tickling the back of your neck, giving you a shiver that goes straight to your spine. You’re familiar with Mark’s presence already. A presence you always crave, something you always want near you. “What do you want to do next, beautiful?” he asks, kissing your neck and making your knees weak.

“Can we have normal sex? Without you fucking me in my dreams? Can you do that for me?”

“Of course. From now on, no more having sex in your dreams and no more possessing other humans. It’s just me now” he reaches for your lips, turning your body so you could kiss properly. You feel safe in his arms, which made you realize that he has done so much for you.

“Maybe it’s time for me to give back, Mark” he smiled, motioning you on his huge couch.

“What do you have in mind?” he removes your shoes and made you sit on his lap.

“I can start by,” you kiss him slowly on his neck, cup his face but he’s quick to kiss your hand softly, “I can start by being on top tonight, let me make you cum for as many as you want?” he chuckled low and nod his head. He sat there looking devilishly handsome, letting you do what you want as he watches you with lustful eyes.

I never thought that the date will work out and quite frankly, I’m thankful for our date. It’s the first night that I felt that I could actually be part of your life. For the first time, I feel like I’m a man and not just a fallen angel or a demon.

The way you kissed on my neck, when you smile whenever our eyes meet, how you touched me and kissed my body, the feeling of your fingertips dancing around my skin. It’s addictive. It almost felt like our first time having sex. The night I took your virginity, I couldn’t have enough of you that I keep on asking for another round if you remember.

And oh! When you held my hand while you roll your hips slowly, It was life changing Y/n.

Thank you for giving me a chance to prove my love further to you.

After having a few rounds on the couch and his huge bed, Mark is now watching you sleep beside him. Caressing your face softly as he turns this moment into a special one because his dream of sleeping beside you with his whole being finally came true. “I’m so in love with you,” he says before drifting to sleep.  

Welcoming the demon in your life was the best decision you ever made even though the baby part is still blurry. Nonetheless, Mark made you feel loved every day in many different ways. May it be through his sweet words, making love to you instead of fucking hard, holding your hand while you two watch a scary movie, or whenever he sings to you after learning a new song. For a demon who came out of hell, he’s a little sweet and romantic.

He also adapted well to this world, even found out that his eyesight is poor and that you have to get him a pair of glasses. And as he stays in this world loving you, his love for watermelons and playing with his guitar grew stronger each day too.

Seasons change and years pass by like a snap of your finger, you and Mark stayed happily together in 127 House and make it a home, even if it’s just the two of you. He made you so happy in life that you forgot life before he came.  

“Where did you find that handsome guy?” your best friend asks you while she’s slicing her son’s birthday cake. You help her with the plates while you answer every question she throws.

“Dating app” you lied and laughed at her to shut her up.

“I know that’s a lie but I don’t care. That man makes you happier than ever. What is he an angel or something?” If only she knew.

You watch Mark play with other kids, tickling their tummies as he giggles with them. Being a father suits him well and you bet he still dreams of becoming one. You almost feel sorry about it because you can’t give the only thing he asks for.

When you got home and now that Mark is balls deep inside you while you ride him deliciously, your head is not there. You kept on thinking about something and of course, Mark is quick to stop doing what he’s doing. “Hey your mind is so noisy and clouded” he’s no complaining, he’s worried about you because he can hear you but can't understand you. “Talk to me baby, what’s wrong?”

You lean forward to him and rest your forehead on his chest, readying yourself to finally tell him that, “I want to have a baby”

For a moment it was dead silent while you two look each other eye to eye but soon he sat up and hug you, making you moan because he’s still deep inside you. He showered you with kisses, crying tears of joy because now his life is finally complete.

“I love you. And I’m sorry for keeping you away from being a great dad-“

“You did nothing wrong. Stop apologizing” he cups your face and kissed you deeply, pulling you back on the mattress to continue what you two were doing but this time it’s for a purpose.

During your pregnancy, you’ve never seen Mark so happy.

He was by your side like the guardian angel that he used to be. Taking care of you all the way from sun up to sun down. You’ve never thought that your pregnancy will be bearable, full of happiness and laughter because of a demon who fell in love with you.

Everything was going too fast, the next thing you know is you’re already seven months pregnant and Mark is staring at your tummy for almost five minutes as he waits for his baby to kick and your tummy move and be amazed over and over again. You’re starting to doubt if he’s really a demon. “Oh! See that! He kicked!” you laughed at him as he holds your tummy with both hands and spread kisses on it.  

Things were going smoothly until the day has finally come and you’re at the delivery room fighting for your life. Quite literally. The doctors are having a huge problem pulling your baby out of your belly and they needed Mark to get out of the room because the situation became serious. He was about to lose you and the doctors want him out, of course, Mark wants to cause a scene. But he knew better. The last memory you had before closing your eyes was the door closing on Mark as he can’t do anything about it. Through a glass window, Mark sees everything that the doctors are doing to you. He wanted so bad to hold your hand so you know that you still have to fight for your life and the baby’s life.

When the baby is finally out, he was so happy to see his baby for the first that he’s sobbing and whimpering. Murmuring even that you need to wake up because finally, the baby is here. The smile painted on Mark’s face was priceless. But not for long. He knew that there’s something wrong when the doctors were staring at the baby, waiting for it to cry. Mark’s world turned black when he watches the doctor shook his head in front of him.

It was life changing.

The once happy home for you and Mark became a place so cold and gloomy as if happiness never touched the 127 House. As you’re struggling with depression, Mark embraced his anger and caused chaos everywhere. Not giving a fuck what happens to anyone because nothing can compare to the sadness that he’s feeling. It all happened for a year, which changed your relationship into small talks and cold nights. Like you two have broken up but you still live under the same roof.

But the demon loves you so much that he tried everything to pick himself up and take care of you. Your relationship was too precious for him and realized that it’s the only thing he has left. Slowly, you forgive yourself and tried to live again. Patience keeps on growing as you and Mark chose to love each other deeper and move on with what’s left with your life.

After having several check-ups, taking every advice that the doctor says, and finding out that it’s safe for you to have a baby again, you and Mark gave it another chance without hesitating. Now, you’re six months pregnant and life is slowly becoming happy again.

“Long time no see” It’s his demon best friend, Haechan. He appeared out of nowhere while Mark is having some fresh air on the balcony. Mark waits for his friend to talk, raising an eyebrow at him. “Just here to let you know that your Y/n has a new guardian angel since you’ve been so busy being a human”

“Fuck- No wonder our life is so messed up right now”

“Don’t let it kill your baby again” and just like that Haechan is gone before Mark could even ask him more about this guardian angel.

When you become a parent, your child will automatically be your prize possession. But for Mark, he has two people dear in his life. Two people. That’s all he has. And he’s not going let that angel kill his baby again and make you suffer.

Mark stick to you like glue, and you noticed that he has been even more protective than ever. “I’m going to be fine, Mark. What are you so afraid of?” you kiss him before you head to the bathroom to take a pee. This part of Mark that’s so paranoid is freaking you out and scaring you sometimes. Like he’s not telling you something or he’s hiding something from you.

Mark continues to protect you from that angel, and day by day he’s becoming even more afraid of what might happen to you. If that angel is capable of killing something precious, then who knows what else can it do to harm you further.

“Do you miss being an angel?” you asked Mark while you two lay in bed closely.

“No” he answers without hesitating.

“Do you have wings back then?”

He chuckled low and intertwines his fingers with yours, “We’ve been together for many years and you’re asking me this just now? But yes. I did. And it hurt like hell when they took it off. But I was happy afterward, it simply means I can finally be with you” his happiness is evident because his smile is so bright.

“I’m sorry” you don’t know why you apologized, but maybe you just want to.

“For making me the happiest demon? Oh come on, ‘I love you, Mark’ is so much better” he was acting cute and his charms still work on you.

“I love you, Mark”

“Thanks. I know” you smack his shoulder playfully, making him laugh and tell you, “I love you too, Y/n. You know that”

There's nothing wrong with being positive in life again after going through so much pain or after losing your first baby. There’s nothing wrong with that. As you and Mark wait for your due date, days have been beautiful while you wait for the baby. You are healthy, the baby is healthy, even Mark is healthy. You really think that this is going to be different than the first. Different in a beautiful way.

When the day finally comes, you were smiling and quite excited as Mark stays by your side the whole time. He was holding your hand, helping you to breathe, and fight to achieve that happiness with you. “Breathe with me, everything will be fine,” he says, smiling so handsomely in front of your eyes. You wanted to tell him that you love so much, thank him for changing your life but saying things like that while you're pushing to bring out the baby is kind of out of the scene. So you gave him a weak smile instead.

When the doctor had finally held the baby you and Mark were so happy because you were so close to being a family now.

But you’re slowly getting weak and he watches your smile fade and your eyes close.

“Doctor we are losing here!” the nurse exclaimed. Everything is happening again, Mark thought. As he watches the doctors and the nurses do everything they can to save you, Mark stood there quietly knowing all too well how dying works.

“Y/n, you can’t die. It’s not your time yet” he said a little too loud while standing like a statue. He used to be your guardian angel, of course, he knew things like this. “Y/n, you will be fine” he exclaimed again but this time there were tears in his eyes and his voice broke.

Time suddenly stopped and the scene was oddly familiar to him, there’s an angel inside this room to bring your soul to Heaven. “No, no”. he murmurs with tears in his eyes, looking around the room waiting for the angel to appear. “I know you’re here” he turned around multiple times until your new guardian angel appears. Doyoung.

“How many babies should I bring to heaven to make you stop? Look what you made me do” Doyoung said, “It’s not her time yet but this is the only way to keep her away from you. It’s an angel baby, Mark! You know that angels are not allowed to be born other than the insides of Heaven. It’s dangerous to expose divinity in the eyes of humans. What were you thinking?”

“I did not know- please bring her back. I’ll do anything you want” Mark begs his old friend, crying and whimpering like a little boy. If only he knew from the start he wouldn’t have got you pregnant in the first place and watch you suffer two times. Now he’s mad at himself.

“It’s too late old friend, I’m just doing my job”

And even before Mark could beg more, time turned back to normal and the doctor had announced the time of your death.

What better way to be punished after betraying Heaven and Hell by taking the love of his life. Of course, the heavenly creatures will bring you to Heaven because they knew all too well that Mark can’t enter the silver city again.  

[dreamkidddream]

Requests are open again hihi as a member of Kunikida and Oda deserve all the love club, I MUST request the scenario 6 with Kunikida, LIKE, LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING HE WOULD DO and never admit it

Thanks for this club haha, love your works and I am so happy we can ask for it again 🥺

The “Kunikida and Oda deserve all the love and affection because they do” club is steady growing and we love to see it 😌🙏🏾 and YES Kunikida will 100% do this no hesitation even if he’s complaining the whole time lol and thanks for reading my works and for all the love 🥺💚💙 reader is gender neutral!

TW: mentions of undressing (Okay it’s not spicy/suggestive, he’s just being a good boyfriend so that you can get in the shower 🥺 no body parts/nothing graphic is mentioned but I still wanted to put a TW!)

Prompt Scenario: “Person A having a broken leg and Person B has to carry them up and down the stairs to their bedroom every night/morning.” with Kunikida!

This sucks.

You didn’t think that your injury would be this bad, but here you are. One that left you completely immobile.

Okay you’re exaggerating, but you could only do so much being stuck in this bed!

The white cast surrounding your broken leg (although filled with doodles by Naomi, Dazai, Ranpo, and the others), baring as a constant reminder of your mistake. It just took one misstep and a nasty fall down the stairs that left your leg bending in an angle that it definitely wasn’t suppose to be. While Yosano happily offered her services to heal, you weren’t necessarily ready to go through with that process yet. Besides, now you can somewhat laze around and not get shot at for once!

That was your first thought initially.

You got bored and lonely fast.

With Kunikida having to go to work, and you still being monitored in the hospital, you could only do so much for your entertainment. The food wasn’t the greatest, you flipped through all the channels at least three times in the last hour, and you missed sharing the bed with your lover.

You really miss him, and you’re starting to take up Yosano’s offer...

But, you couldn’t contain your fidgeting in the bed today after hearing the good news.

You’re finally getting released from this prison today! You can finally get to breathe in some fresh air, and not the stale one that’s been circling in your room for past couple of days. With the addition of seeing your boyfriend, who you know for a fact misses you just as much as you do, (and maybe even more).

—-

So coming home came with some setbacks.

Mainly the stairs that started all of this mess to begin with.

Kunikida was already cooking dinner, which you offered to help, but he just demanded asked that you sit down and let your leg rest. In your absence, he’s written down almost all of the medical advice on broken legs known to man and is determined to be the best caretaker for you. You couldn’t just sit around forever, and you’re ready to be in your pajamas, to get underneath your own covers, and to cuddle with your partner whose warmth you have been missing for the past couple of days.

You got crutches to use, and you’re 100% sure that you can hobble your way up the stairs and make it to the bedroom in one piece this time. You just have to have patience and take your time, just take one step at a time, and you should be okay! If you could just control your shaking grip on your crutches, and get your good leg to become steady enough to stand on the first step, then you can-

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Your foot barely hovered over the step before you felt his presence behind you. You could practically feel the anger radiating off of him, no doubt the look on his face being a mix of anger and disappointment.

When you turned around, you were proven correct. Kunikida’s brows were furrowing deeper and deeper the longer you stayed in this compromising position, and you would have laughed seeing him wearing your shared apron if you didn’t see his hold on the spatula tightening each second. “Um, well, I was going to-”

“Go up the very stairs that left you like this, unsupervised.”

Surprisingly, he’s still intimidating, even in the “This cook accepts cleaned plates AND kisses as payment” apron.

“Well, I’m-I’m being extra careful! I can’t not go into our bedroom. I sleep there too you know.” You laughed, but the situation became even more awkward when he wasn’t laughing with you.

“You just got back home and already about to put yourself in harm’s way again, and we haven’t even ate yet!”

You started to panic more when he untied the apron and took off his glasses.

You just accepted your fate whenever he approached you again, slowly easing yourself down and preparing yourself to be chewed out and in for a lengthy lecture that’ll probably leave you falling asleep on the steps soon enough-

Until he kneeled down in front of you, back turned.

Okay you’re confused.

You’re just staring at his back, wondering what exactly he’s doing. Is this suppose to be symbolic message or something? Is this his way of saying that he’s giving you the silent treatment-

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“The schedule is already off, and since you’re just so ready to jump ahead, we might as well get it over with. If it’ll make you listen and not be so irrational, then fine.”

It still isn’t clicking for you-

“Hurry up and get on already! We don’t have all night!”

Ohhhh, he wants you to get on...his back? However, judging by the red spreading to the tips of his ears, that’s what he wants. You would tease him, but your heart is too busy melting at the fact that he would do this for you. “Doppo, you don’t have to do this-”

“I do. If you think that you’re going near any of these steps without me, then you’re sorely mistaken. Not to mention how hard it will be for you to maneuver around, so I do need to do this. So, go ahead, before we get more behind schedule.”

You’re still on the brink of refusing him, but he does have a point; it’s going to be a little difficult trying to move around with this. You also recognized that this is one of his ways of showing that he cares, and wants to help you through this. Kunikida has always been someone that will truly help when you need it, even if you don’t ask for it. He may complain about it being “extra work”, but you know that he doesn’t mean it, and will do it again in a heartbeat if needed be.

It’s just one of the many reasons why you love him so much.

Plus, this is probably one of the only times you’ll be able to get a piggyback ride without begging, so why not?

It wasn’t difficult to get on his back, especially since he’s handling you like you’re so fragile (which you guess you are right now). It was funny, you both know what you’re capable of but yet he’s always so gentle with you, but it’s never to the point that he’s degrading or belittling.

“(Y/N)?”

“Hm?”

“Do you remember what I told you when we first started dating?”

“Of course, I can never forget it!”

“The day that I confessed to you, I told you that I will always take care of you. That I would do my best to keep you safe, to protect you, and I already failed you.” His tone became somber. You couldn’t imagine what was going through his head the nights you were gone.

Going through his daily routine and sleeping in an empty bed without you filled him with guilt, especially knowing that this happened over something that could have been easily prevented. He blamed himself every day, it didn’t matter that you weren’t gone for long. It was still his fault.

“Doppo, don’t blame yourself-”

“I do. I was already careless enough to let you get hurt, and I can’t let that happen again, I won’t.” You would be more concerned, but his tone shifted. It was no longer full of pity for himself, full of guilt. Instead, it was full of unwavering determination, that this scenario can’t- will never happen again.

You could tell that he was making a promise, to both you and himself. And he is a man of his word, after all.

You already made it to your shared bedroom, Kunikida carrying you to the restroom and sitting you on the edge of the bed. He already began to grab your PJs from the dresser, and made his way back to you. “Is it okay if- if I-”

“Yes, Doppo, I don’t mind you helping me undress.” You laughed. You two live together and he’s seen you hundreds of times, yet he still asks every time if he could come in if you’re changing. Just another reason why you fell for him.

Once you were done, he carried you again to the bathroom, the water already running and him checking to make sure it’s right for you. He already rolled his sleeves up and kneeled down in front of you, and you could hear him mumbling to himself about the different methods he can use to keep your cast dry as he lifted it.

You swear he’s too sweet for his own good, no matter how many times he tries to deny it.

—-

Even after your cast was off and your leg was good as new, Kunikida still caught himself trying to carrying you up the stairs every morning and night. He felt embarrassed every time you laughed and reminded him that he didn’t have to do it anymore. He still stood close by though, with the excuse that you’re still clumsy enough that it’s bound to happen again (which you just rolled your eyes and kissed his cheek). He did get the chance to carry you however whenever you were too tired or fell asleep downstairs, no exceptions.

(You may or may not have fake sleep sometimes so that he can carry you.)

Yes, he may reprimand and complain about how irresponsible and reckless you can be, he may act like the chaos you create throws off his dear schedule so much, and he wonders how you managed to make him fall in love with you so deeply when you don’t even qualify for all of his ideals, but he doesn’t care believe it or not. He wouldn’t give you up for the world.

Besides, anything to have you in his arms is worth the headache.

[itgetsdarksometimes35]

Revenge is Best Served out of the Ice

Warnings: Non con, dub con, death, cursing, blood, rough vaginal sex, other things, Bucky isn’t okay. 18+

Word Count: 2,529

Prompt: I’m as mad as Hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore

Pairings: Dark ex-Hydra Bucky / Ex-Hydra Reader

Summary: Reader is in hiding after the fall of Hydra.

~ Indicates a time change

--- Indicates a POV change

A/N: This is my very late submission to @kellyn1604 challenge hope you guys like it. I’ll be in the woods for about a week, but I’ll upload an equally late submission to a challenge when I get back. 

XXX

It was never meant to go down like this. You had answered a silly job as an assistant with a company; never did you think you’d be helping a man who leads a terrorist movement looking to take over the world. 

You wanted out the minute you saw the asset. The way Alexander treated him wasn’t human. Even though he insisted he wasn’t, he was an experiment of sorts, it still didn’t sit well with you. His icy cold eyes held life, even if they did make you queasy every time you looked into them. 

Very rarely did you go into where the assassin was kept with Pierce, but when you did he always stared at you until his attention was drawn back to his abusers. The instruments made you feel awful, so you avoided invitations inside as much as possible. The machines that tortured him when he did wrong, the ice he was put in to keep him alive, the electricity that would go through his brain to make him forget. You wondered how old he truly was and who he was. Did he have a family? What did he do to get here?

~

You gasped as you woke up with a jolt from your nightmare. The same blue eyes that had met yours for 5 years refused to go, even in your dreams. You saw him everywhere; the Winter Soldier. After he was ordered to kill Captain America, Hydra was found out. Many were arrested and tried, some people had to go into hiding, including yourself, and others were ordered to rebuild under a new name. After Alexander was killed you had faked your death and ran away to Vienna. Nobody knows where the Winter Soldier went. 

That all had been nearly two years ago. You had moved on in every sense. You had gotten a new job, and this one you loved. Sure, it wasn’t anything you dreamed of doing as a little girl, but it awarded you the privacy you sought. You weren’t ready to reconnect with the world yet. Plus the hours were flexible and no job beats the one where you can be at work in your home in your PJ’s. 

You went out once a week for groceries. You didn’t have a tv, a computer, and the only time you used your burner phone was for work. You kept yourself entertained with the old books left in your old apartment. It was a life different from the one you were used to, but that’s what you liked about it. 

Today was the day you go shopping for food. You sat up in your bed, noticing the little bit of sunlight that passed through the black blankets you’d hung on the windows as makeshift curtains. 

You got up and started your routine before heading out the door. The small market was filled with buyers bargaining for better prices and sellers yelling their final price. You make your way from the seafood to the fruit; the seafood was always the first thing to go in the market. Vienna seemed to have too much fruit. 

As you’re checking out the apples you start feeling watched. You look around but see nobody. Weird. You get enough fruit to keep you satiated for the week so you leave the market as soon as you can. The less human contact and time outside as possible the better, and you were starting to feel off. Someone was watching you, you could feel it, but no matter how many times you turn you see nobody looking. Thank God the walk home is short. 

When you get near your apartment you run up the brick stairs and shove the key into the door, pulling it open and slamming it closed then locking it. You didn’t realize you had been running until you tried to catch your breath and calm your crazy heart. 

You look outside through the peephole before concluding nobody followed you. And if they did they at least left you alone for now. You walked to the kitchen to set down the mesh grocery bag before unloading everything. 

That’s when you heard it. 

The only way into this apartment other than the front door was the fire escape that was connected to the window in your bedroom. The sound of the window opening, no matter how faint it was, has been trained by you to be heard. Your irrational fears of being robbed or found while you're sleeping has finally helped you as you quietly reach for the knife on the counter. 

You continue unpacking and pretend like you didn’t hear a thing in order to trick the intruder. You keep the knife in front of you on the counter, hidden by your body, as your ear strains to listen to what’s happening behind you. 

“You don’t live where I expected.”

Your eyes widened at the voice. The amount of times you heard that voice is less than the amount you saw the face connected to it, but you could recognize it in a concert of sounds. 

You spin around with the knife in your hand to see the man who plagued your nightmares. The Winter Soldier.

He looked down at the puny weapon in your hand. It would do little to protect yourself against the super soldier, but it helped your confidence a bit. He smiled at your shaking grasp on the knife.

“Do you think that’ll work?”

“What are you doing here?”

The man narrowed his eyes at you a bit before ignoring your question. He made a move and you stuck out the knife in a threatening manner. It did nothing to the assassin as he reached for the milk you had just bought, and popped the cap off before taking a few sips. He wiped his mouth before continuing. 

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere. You’re hard to trace, you know.” Your breathing is getting more erratic and your heart is beating so loud you can hear it. But even if you couldn’t you know the superhuman before you could. “Do you remember me?” His eyes seem searching, like he’s not sure he’s got the right person. Or if he’s confused as to why you’re scared to see him. 

“Yes.” The man nods at your response. 

“After my last mission I was on the run from Hydra. I wasn’t sure what would become of it, but after figuring out I started a plan. I started tracking down the people who the government failed to bring into custody and killing them one by one.” Fuck. “At first I wasn’t looking for you, you hadn’t hurt me after all. I could see your hesitation every time you saw me.” Then why are you here? “But then I remembered the way you looked at me. How disgusted you were. You saw me for the monster that I was.” The man paused, waiting to see if you’d argue. You didn’t. You couldn’t. He was right, even if you felt bad for him, you saw him as a war machine, murderous monster.

“So, I tracked you down. I found you on a car camera at the market, but you never leave. I thought I had the wrong place for the longest time, but today I finally saw you. моя маленькая сука.” The blue eyes that haunted you weren’t dead anymore, they held a flame now that terrified you. 

“Listen, I’m sorry. I am. If I had any idea what was going on I would’ve never accepted the job. I was just trying to work, I’m sorry. Please, just go.”

The man just scoffed at your words. “You would’ve never taken the job, but you wouldn’t have helped me. You wouldn’t have helped innocent people. You think I wanted to kill all those people? I still see their faces, no matter how many times they fried my brains, I can’t fucking forget! I don’t have the option to just run away. Unlike you, you fucking bitch!”

You jumped as he was starting to get angrier, the container of milk crushed in his metal fist, leaking down to the floor. Tears started to sting your eyes and you were shaking even worse. “Please, I get why you’re angry, but you don’t have to do this.”

“And you didn’t have to keep quiet for all those years, but you did. Didn't you?” You shook your head. He didn’t get it, you could’ve died. You had no choice but to stay silent. “My name’s James Buchanan Barnes by the way. Everyone called me Bucky. I had a life, a family, friends. A career that I loved. Hydra took all that from me and turned me into the thing you see today. I should’ve died a long time ago; but now I’m as mad as Hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”

The soldier suddenly lunged at you, twisting your wrist causing you to scream out. You dropped the knife to the floor with a clang, and you were shoved against the counter with your back to the man who had broken back into your life. 

“I could easily kill you, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t always have a thing for you. The way your ass would look in your pencil skirts, it made me feel normal again, the feelings I’d get when I’d see you. Well, that is until Hydra just fucked me up again.” He whispered low in your ear as you felt him unbuckling his pants. Your struggles were kept to a minimum due to the metal arm holding your body uncomfortably close to the wooden counter. 

“I used to even daydream about a life with you. White picket fence, big house, two kids, the whole nine yards. The normal shit I had as a kid.” the man dryly chuckled, “How stupid of me.”

Without warning he slaps your ass. Hard. He gripped your panties before shoving them down your legs, riding your dress up your thigh to reveal yourself to him. You squeezed your eyes shut as you felt your face get hot with embarrassment. 

The soldier suddenly drops to his knees and grabs your ass cheeks in his hands, spreading yourself more for him to see. He moaned before diving right in, licking at you slit. You moaned out before you could catch it with your hand causing the man to groan into your core. 

“You like that don’t you?” Slap. “Fucking slut.” 

The man continued to eat you out as you reached hopelessly for an escape. He held you steady and firm up to his face, and you had no control over the vulgar sounds that were leaving your mouth. 

You let out a high pitched scream as the soldier started sucking on your pearl of nerves, driving you over the edge into ecstasy. He continued to suck up all that you had to offer him before standing up.

“You’re slutty cunt has me hard as a fucking rock, you know that?” Another slap to your backside has you jolting forward just a bit and groaning out at the pain that blurred the line of pleasure.

You heard more clothes shuffling before you felt something hot poke at your entrance. “Ready Babygirl?” The man chuckled as you shook your head. 

“Please, you can still stop! I won’t tell anyone, just let me go!”

“Aw, imagine it being your choice.” With that he shoved himself to his limit within you. You both moaned out at the feeling of your walls stretching around the thick member inside you, pulling at him as he moved deeper.

“You’re tighter than I always imagined, Doll.” the soldier moaned into your ear, starting to find a rhythm inside you. He wasted no time using your body as his toy. He deserved this after all that Hydra put him through. After all that you allowed him to be put through.

“Y-you’re hurting me!” 

“Good.”

You’re closing your eyes so hard you can see stars. You feel hot tears escape from your eyes as you’re trying to wait out the torture your body was being subject to. Pretty soon the pain is too much and you’re sobbing.

“What are you crying for, bitch?” the man grabs a handful of your hair and yanks it back, your scalp burning from his roughness, “You don’t get to cry, not after what you let happen to so many people. You don’t know true pain.” He shoved your head forward and you barely miss hitting your head on the counter. Your neck still hurt from his force, though. 

The Winter Soldier’s movements start to get harder and he starts hitting a spot within you that makes you clench around him, your orgasm creeping up in your lower stomach.

“That’s right, clench my cock, cunt. Just like that and I’ll cum for you. You’ll like that won’t you?” Bucky slapped your ass three times before grabbing your left cheek, making you squeeze him again. “Answer!”

“Yes! Please cum inside me, Bucky!”

That was a mistake.

Bucky shoved your hips into the counter for sure causing bruises to rise. You cry out, more tears escaping down your hot and inflamed cheeks. “Don’t call me that. It’s sergeant to you,” The man growls out at you, “You know that? I was a fucking sargeant before this shit. Respected. Now look at me,” he chuckles humorlessly. 

You can feel blood trickle down your leg as the sergeant continues to abuse your pussy, any orgasm you might’ve had is gone now, replaced with a painful yet numb ach. 

“God, fuck-” You feel warmth spill into your channel as the soldier stills inside you. He pulls out of you, letting your weak and overused body fall to the tile floor painfully. You draw your legs up to your chest as you examine the blood on the floor, some of it gushing out from under your inflamed core. You have no idea what he fractured, he had to have done something, but it sure as Hell hurt. 

You hear a click and look up just as a loud bang is heard. Then everything went black.

---

Bucky looked down at the woman he just fucked, saw how the blood trickled from the bullet wound in her head down to the floor to mix with the blood from her pussy. 

He looked around at the dump she called an apartment. It is a place where nobody can trace easily, he thought. She was the last person he had to kill on his path of revenge, and now he needed somewhere to lay low. Maybe he’ll stay, nobody will realize a difference. The bitch never talked to anyone or interacted with people, and those who did know she existed would probably assume she left or that he was her boyfriend or something. They wouldn’t ask questions. They didn’t care.

Bucky finished putting the food she had gotten away before working on disposing of the body. He smiled to himself, content with the job he had done. It wouldn’t right all his wrongs, but it certainly helped. Besides, revenge is best served out of the ice. 

XXX

Tags: @coconutqueen21 @kellyn1604 @jtargaryen18 @collette04 @nsfwsebbie @what-just-happened-bro @gigistorm @avengerimscreaming @venusavengers @saharzek @navybrat817 @bucksgoat @xoxabs88xox

[helbramstrauma]

Unkillable Chapter 3

Hello welcome to the Third part of Unkillable, as always you can find it on AO3 if you prefer to read that way. In case you missed: Part 1,2

Now for a quick synopsis: You are a former knife thrower that now lives undercover with other escapee’s trying to make ends meet. This leads to some morally questioning jobs, you aren’t assassins but everything has a price. Just like any other job you were prepared, although your intel failed to mention something incredibly important. There seem to be other people trying to steal from the infamous underground auction as well

Tw: Blood and Gore

“You are not going to guess who is in town!” Lue exclaims when you drop into the small room, covered with loose wires, connecting to Adam’s corner. Next to that is a small couch and a mini-fridge, above that, is a small loft area where the two makeshift bunk beds are. That is all we can fit in this place, but what else would you expect from squatting in a roof access area from a basically abandoned building. The only thing below us is a bakery on the first floor, but they are some of our clients so they don’t mind.

“Where is Aim?” you ask, noticing their absence.

An audible sign leaves Luebella’s lips, “did you even listen to be, they left on a mission, something about getting information from a boat for some CEO” Lue’s lips curl into a smile, “But more importantly the Sadler’s Circus is in town, why don’t we give ‘em a truly deadly finale”

The name Sadler’s sends a shiver down your spine, it's been about a year since everyone escaped from that hell. However, it is ironic how the circus gave us the tools we needed to escape and make a living. Aim was able to transfer their trapeze and tightrope skills to parkour, not to mention their natural talent with a sniper. Adam worked in tech instead of putting on an act, but without those skills, we would have all been dead on our feet. Lue lives off the thrill and can practically do anything if it’s dangerous- it's the lion tamer in her- she is also the best at close combat between all of us. Then of course you are practically nothing without your knives, even though you are more comfortable with throwing them and running away. Aim was my tutor in a lot of things, when we were first abducted by the circus, Aim helped you with precision, and you helped them with their agility.

“Where’s the bone staff? Indigo isn’t going to go away empty-handed” Lue points out

“Haven’t you looked out the window, the auction is up in flames,” you say.

A look of worry comes over her face as she rushes towards the window, “Is Adam okay?”

You explain to her how he had her turn off the radio, she walks over to his corner and to see if she can access his view. His lenses are cracked but you can see the surrounding pretty well. He is in some sort of vehicle, but all you can see is the city zooming by, and he is in the back of this vehicle. “Where is Aim, when you need ‘em,” Lue says, “Looks like we have to swoop in and rescue him”. She quickly transfers the feed to a phone and she is already out of the small hideout.

You quickly follow Luebella out of the hatch, “Where is it heading”.

“Looks like he's heading toward the Eastend, probably by the river that is where the police station is. But he is definitely on 3rd Avenue”

We make our way towards the intersection two streets away from the station, which should give us enough time to get Adam and get out. The sound of sirens is getting closer, and you cut your palm and materialize a throwing knife. A police wagon is flashing and coming towards the station, you quickly take aim and throw the knife at a front tire, the vehicle almost immediately serves and falls on its side, Lue is running towards the accident in a hope of receiving Adam. However, you don’t stay on the ground long, taking the fire escape and going to your safe haven, the roof. On the river you see, a boat making its way off the deck, that must be where Aim is at. That doesn’t hold your attention for long as you look down and you see Lue grab Adam. A police officer is coming around to shoot at them, but before they can fire one of your blood made knives are already in their neck. Soon enough Adam has his cuffs off and he begins making his way to the loft on the ground, while Lue stays back to hold back the oncoming police officers, once you see the whip leave her side you know she has it handled.

Call it stupid you decide to depart off of that roof, in the opposite direction of the loft, instead of heading towards the location of the auction. Someone catching up to you does not settle well and you just have to see the man in black again, you need to fight him again and win. The only person who is able to keep up with you is Aim, and you need to keep it that way. By the time you get to the location you see a car take off recklessly, and decide to follow it, however, you are not the only one who had that idea. You see a helicopter start to chase the car as well, and you decide to hitch a ride on it. That is short-lived, as the car you are following shoots the engine causing a small fire as the helicopter begins to spiral out of control. You have to get off of it and quickly, in the haste you are unable to keep you cool, and you jump onto some scaffolding, but you hurt your ankle, as it catches on part of the handrails, causing your body to plummet to the ground. By the time you would be able to heal yourself and get yourself together the car would be out of sight.

Whoever that man was you certainly know they don’t work alone, and that certainly complicates things. All you can

Word Count 1660

Chapter 3

As all days start, the soreness of your back is the first thing that hits you, you should really get better mattresses. Adam is still asleep, but you can hear the chatter between Luebella and Aim. However more importantly you can smell fresh baked goods from the bakery downstairs. You jump off the banner onto the lower level to see what Aim or Luebella picked out, you swiftly grab the everything bagel and a croissant. “Not even a good morning or how was your mission” Aim quips, “is anything ever on your mind other than food”.

Before you can answer, Lue, chirps up, “Actually y/n plans on taking out some man from her previous job”.

“Like murder or on a date” Aim laughs.

Lue gives a little chuckle, “The jury is still out on that”.

After the cheerfulness of the conversation dissipates, Aim looks right at me “What happened to not wanting to kill anyone but our targets or people who get in the way?”

You do have a rule that you won’t kill anyone who isn’t attempting to harm you or someone you have been hired to erase, “He is in my way. If you saw how fast he was, and the lack of hesitation in his actions, you’d see him as a threat too”.

After some breakfast and doing some sort of a morning routine, you are ready to do a quick run. If you want any chance of offing the man in black you have to improve, and that starts with practice. Besides, the rooftops are your home, there is nothing like jumping from building to building knowing full well that missing that jump would end in severe injury at best. Before you can get into the swing of things you can hear loose gunshots. A daytime robbery is basically unheard of, and the shots seem to be getting closer. You don’t even need to look back, you know a helicopter is following you, but why? This is a normal routine and you have never been tailed doing it, maybe it was the auction last night that the police are being extra cautious. Then again you haven’t been out long enough to attract the attention of them, and even if you did it would be impossible for them to already have a chopper on you. This was premeditated, whoever is in that helicopter knows who I am.

Swiftly turning on your feet you are able to run towards the helicopter and are able to cut your thumb with your teeth drawing blood, your weapon. Although your emmetion technique could use some work, all you need is a blade to hit the engine causing a malfunction. You swing your hand causing blood to leave your body, quickly turning into small blades cutting into the nose of the aircraft. However that seems to do nothing, but you are able to see a face in the helicopter before your body starts into a sprint. A clown is sitting in the vehicle, although he is not participating in the metal rain that is showering over me. Even though he is a clown, he isn’t one that I recognize from the circus. You run into an ally, dropping down onto somebody’s balcony, you are out of range of the helicopter. Think! Would it be better to run away, or should you engage? Since it isn’t the circus or the police that leaves only one option, it has to be some link to the man in black. However you are clearly outnumbered, even though you were able to only see the clown, there has to be a pilot and there were two different people shooting at me from opposite sides of the helicopter. So that means that is 4-5 people, you couldn’t handle one of them, let alone 5. However, this might be the only time you would be able to get information.

Before you could make a decision the apartment you are borrowing appears to be being broken into. When you look through the glass doors you are greeted with a face you haven’t seen in a while. It’s another clown, this one you recognize as your former boss. Now the option is clear, I have to fight the new guys, simply because I cannot be tracked back to the hideout. Before the clown of the past can catch up to you, you are already on the roof to be greeted with the clown from the helicopter, which has since been parked on top of the building to its left. You can sense the energy from your boss leaving the area, but it feels like an army of new energy is coming towards me from behind. However, you know full well, that your boss won’t give up this easily. The only way off that roof is with that helicopter, and that is dawning on you about now. You should not have left without Adam’s earpiece, this is bad. This could of all been avoided too.

But you know this isn’t the end of the line, you can still fight.

When you get into the position you see the clown man laugh, “You think you can fight us? That wouldn’t be fun at all” whoever the clown man is, he sure sounds like Lue. “Let’s make this quick, do you know the chain user”

No, you think subconsciously, but you can feel familiar energy approaching, more members of the circus are coming. If I tell him that directly he’ll just leave me here, and I need off of this.

“I’ll tell you everything I know if you give me a ride off of this roof” I attempt to bargai

[miraculoussage]

Breaking Out

Sorry for the lack of formatting regarding this section. My laptop charger broke so I’m currently stuck with mobile, and I am not great at mobile text organization. Also sorry for the lack of a read-more. Once again, mobile :(  fixed bc i have a laptop again B)

Rating: General

Characters: Adrien Agreste/Chat Noir main character; lots of other characters making an appearance, lots of Plagg, Marinette/Ladybug, and Gabriel

Relationships: Light love-square (pre-relationship)

Other tags: Trans boy Adrien, mostly closeted trans Adrien, transphobia (no transphobic violence), mentions of a dead name but no actual use of the dead name, misgendering, mentions of Dysphoria; supportive friends, Gabriel Agreste is a soggy tissue, minor mentions of diet control, minor redesigns of LB and CN costumes, major redesigns of civilian Adrien bc closet trans. Use of the word queer as an identifier and not a slur.

Part 2

♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

The worst thing about being a popular fashion model, Adrien thought, was his image pasted all over the city. He had to see himself in the mirror enough as it was; seeing himself dressed up in the most feminine clothes his father could design, his long blond hair professionally styled into curls and braids and up-dos, and with enough makeup for three circus clowns made his skin itch. All of Paris, all of the world saw him as he was on the billboards and posters, in heavily edited magazine photos, set on backgrounds of flowers and butterflies. Everyone saw Adrien as a girl, Gabriel Agreste’s beautiful model daughter. Everyone except himself.

He had thought about coming out to his mother and father before, but while he was trying to find the nerve or the right moment, he overheard his father firing one of his models for coming out as trans. After that, his anxiety grew. He could never tell his parents, especially his father, not until he was living on his own and not relying on his modelling career and his father for survival.

Even when he went to school for the first time, he had to introduce himself as his dead name and endure the misgendering. He had considered coming out to Chloe, too, but while she didn’t seem to be transphobic, he didn’t trust her enough to keep it a secret. She thrived on gossip, sometimes even at the expense of her friends. Whether or not it was on purpose didn’t exactly matter to Adrien in this situation.

Plagg was the first person he ever came out to, not entirely on purpose. When he transformed into Chat Noir the first time, he actually cried for a few minutes. He felt different and he felt right and when he caught his reflection in a mirror he saw exactly who he wanted to be. Aside from his inhuman eyes and the strangeness of the costume, of course. His hair was short and messy and the makeup his father insisted he wear every day was entirely gone.

His costume was thick black leather, covering his whole body up to his neck where a bell sat at his collar. There was soft padding on his shoulders, elbows, and knees, barely visible under the leather. He had black combat boots with green soles that reached half way up his calf, laced with bright green laces, and lined with soft material if the same colour. His gloves, too, were black leather with soft green lining, claws on the fingers. Over the black bodysuit, he had a sleeveless hoodie; the fabric was looser and lighter than the leather, it almost seemed like cotton except it was sleek and waterproof. The pouch pocket was bright green with a single black paw print in the middle. All of the lining was the same bright green, visible in the hood and extending to the hems of the shirt. The hood itself had spaces cut out for the leather cat ears on his head, and fit loose and comfortable without falling over his eyes. Most importantly to Adrien, his chest was entirely flat without pressure.

After the first Akuma was stopped and Adrien transformed back, Plagg was suddenly gentle where he wasn’t before. “So what was that, then? What are your pronouns? Got a different name than the one I know?” After answering the questions and having another emotional moment, Plagg was back to being aloof and snarky, seemingly only concerned with cheese.

Adrien warmed up to the little cat-god fast. It felt more than amazing to be called the right thing for once, and Plagg at the least acknowledged his angry and frustrated rants about anything related to his gender that he’d never been able to share with anyone before. “As long as you keep giving me cheese,” Plagg had said, but somewhere along the way the meaning of the sentence changed to “always”, unspoken but genuine.

At school, things started out nice despite the rough start from being Chloe’s friend. The misgendering and dead name weighed down on him, though, and soon his new friends shared their concern about him. No one had any idea what it was about. It could be anything from his father to his mother to his modelling to just not getting enough sleep, but he’d hidden himself enough that no one would ever guess what it truly was about.

Nino was good about (sort of) silent comfort, offering to talk about it but relenting easily and moving to sharing music, food, memes, stories, and just a comforting presence. Alya always tried to figure out what was wrong and when she came to her own conclusions she would give him advice, though it was never the advice he needed. And Marinette...

Though Marinette was shy and got flustered easily, when her friends were in pain, she would stop at nothing to help them feel better. When he sighed about going home at the end of the day, she would invite him over to do homework, which usually ended up actually being video games. It became almost a routine by the spring, the two of them (and sometimes their friends) hanging out in the Dupain-Cheng apartment, snacking on yesterday’s left-over pastries while they played games, watched movies, talked, or rarely actually doing homework. Marinette’s parents were incredibly kind to Adrien, he was even envious that Marinette had such a supportive family. She was open about her biromantic identity, and never suffered for it at home.

As a result of their time spent together and Marinette’s own tendencies to not back down from helping her friends, she was the second person he came out to. It was a mess of tears between them, and Marinette apologized profusely for the misgendering, despite having no idea she was doing it. It made Adrien laugh, which made Marinette laugh, and then they were both laughing and crying at the same time. When Sabine came up to check on them, Adrien found he didn’t care that she was seeing him like this, and didn’t try to hide his identity from her anymore. Then, Sabine was crying with them, hugging Adrien close and giving him all the affirmations he never got from another human. (It was then that he decided he was now Adrien Dupain-Cheng, and she and Tom were his new parents.)

They all understood how important it was to keep this new information a secret, from everyone. If it got to his father or, gods forbid, the media, everything would go to hell in a hand basket. Marinette helped him fix his makeup before he left, apologizing even more about him needing to wear it. As usual, Sabine snuck some fresh pastries into his bag while he pretended not to notice when she hugged him goodbye. On the way out, Tom stopped him. The bakery was empty, just closed for the evening minutes before. “Adrien,” the news had reached him earlier via Sabine, “if you ever ever need a place to go for any reason, you’re always welcome here. No questions asked, any time day or night.” He had to hand a napkin to Adrien, tears gathering in his eyes again. As Adrien’s car pulled up to the front of the bakery, they said goodbye for the night, and Adrien was on his way back to the mansion. It wasn’t home, not anymore.

He came out to Ladybug third, but he didn’t know if it counted as third when he was Chat Noir. It was a rather casual interaction, against all expectations. The two of them were jogging across rooftops, keeping their eyes out for any sort of problem, just a regular Saturday patrol. They were talking about TV shows, sharing their theories for the next episode and the rest of the season; Ladybug theorized that one of the characters was a trans man, and Chat Noir seized the opportunity without a second thought. “Oh, like me,” he said, and Ladybug didn’t even blink. She just smiled at him, and he smiled back. Before they parted for the night, she thanked him for trusting her with his secret and promised it was safe with her. “I know, my Lady, I wouldn’t have told you if I thought you wouldn’t.” Nothing even changed between them after that, though Ladybug did seem to talk more openly about queer subjects when they came up.

He came out to other classmates and friends on a case by case basis, with Marinette there for support every time. Nathaniel, Alix, Nino, Rose and Juleka, Kagami. People he could trust entirely to keep it a secret and that he knew weren’t queerphobic from their time knowing each other. He always had some anxiety about it anyways, but with constant unspoken support from Marinette and her parents, it didn’t seem as daunting as before. Nathaniel drew pictures of him with different styles of short hair and more masculine outfits, “for when you’re able to choose your appearance”. Marinette had helped Nathaniel design the outfits, and she had plenty more in her own sketchbook designed just for Adrien. Alix and Nino casually called him “dude” and “bro”, a way to affirm him without actually outing him, since the terms were so casual and usually neutral.

As his support outside of the mansion grew, Adrien realized day after day just how terribly he was treated by his father, and Natalie and the other staff by proxy. Aside from his father’s thinly veiled queerphobia, he also controlled Adrien’s diet, his schedule, his social life, his career, his finances, and almost every aspect of his life. Before going to school, he thought most families were like that. It wasn’t until Alya complained about being saddled with babysitting again and the others lamented with her that three evenings that week was a bit excessive that Adrien realized most of his classmates actually got to decided what they did in their spare time without having to beg for permission. They got to choose what to eat for lunch, some even got to make their own food, and they didn’t have to follow a strict diet. They weren’t constantly afraid of their parents punishing them at the slightest mistake.

He spent more and more time at the Dupain-Cheng’s, at home, they even gave him his own key. More than once they’d woken up early to open the bakery, just to find him curled up on the couch in his clothes from the day before, the throw blanket wrapped tightly around him. Marinette made plenty of casual clothes and loungewear for him, until half of her closet was his. They almost always had a plate of leftovers from dinner with his name on it in the fridge. One afternoon, they surprised Adrien; the room that was formerly the office was converted into a full bedroom with his clothes moved into the closet already. The room was even decorated, soft green and light grey, paintings on the walls, a desk with a silver cat paperweight next to a lamp. Plagg seemed even more excited about it than Adrien was, which was saying a lot because Adrien was over the moon. They really were serious about the “anytime, no questions asked”.

After three years of school and crime fighting, Adrien made the biggest decision in his life. He talked to the bank and a lawyer. He had his rightful savings moved from the account under his father’s surveillance to a brand new private account. He had his friends and real family at his back. And then, he came out to his father. It went about as well as he expected; Gabriel threw a fit, accused Adrien of acting out for attention, and ultimately ended up locking Adrien in his room and forbidding him from going to school. Fortunately for Adrien, he had an escape plan in the form of a magical ring.

He was across the city in a matter of minutes, detransformed, and contacting his lawyer. His emancipation was officially in process. He texted the Dupain-Cheng family chat letting them know he told his father and it didn’t go well, but he was not in the house and he was safe. They were the only ones who knew about his plan, given they were part of it all. Though the idea of living full time with Marinette gave him butterflies, he could ignore his crush for everyone’s comfort.

Before his father or Natalie had a chance to suspend his access to his accounts, he made an Instagram post. A photo of himself, no makeup and his hair pulled back into a bun so it wasn’t so visible, wearing one of the more formal outfits Marinette made for him (a blue suit with a white undershirt and a pink bow tie). It had been taken a few days earlier, in front of a nondescript grey wall in his bedroom, unable to be linked to any location. As the caption, he wrote “Adrien Agreste, he/him, proudly trans! Stay strong, and know you are loved.” He posted it in as many transgender and fashion tags as he could, and was happy to see screenshots of it spreading almost immediately before it was taken down from his own account and his access was cut off. He texted Marinette one last time to tell her he would be unable to contact her over the phone, then turned the phone off, left it on a nearby cafe table, and disappeared down an alley. Thirty seconds later, Chat Noir was vaulting between buildings, headed nowhere in particular.

Stick around for part 2! ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #350

“let’s play a love game, play a love game  /  do you want love, or you want fame?  /  are you in the game?”

Who was your first good kiss with? Jason. Would you kiss this person again? I know I fucking would and I hate it more than I could possibly express. Name something that is on your bedroom wall? Lots of artwork, mostly of meerkats. What accessory do you want in your bedroom? I need another desk to put stuff on. If you could paint your walls any color what would it be? Something pastel. Maybe like, peach. Soft and warm and would really bring light to the room. What does your phone case look like? It's just this boring purple one that came with the phone. What do you take the most pictures of? My camera roll says my pets, hahaha. What is the point of Twitter for you? Liking Mark's shit lmao. What does your planner look like? I don’t have one. If you get into an argument what is it usually about? My anxiety, I think. What are you always in the mood for? Ummm probably a car ride where I can control the music in the passenger seat. It is very, very rare I'll turn that opportunity down. What’s the last emergency you dealt with? I don't really know; I'm thankfully not in these situations very much, especially when you're cooped up at home. I probably haven't been actually engaged in an emergency since I had to call 911 for my mom before she found out about her cancer. She was basically immobile from agony in her abdomen. Do you have a son? I'm perfectly happy without a son, or kids period. Are you married? No. Have you ever worn a suit? I haven't. Have you ever had to call 911? Twice for Mom. How many keys are on your key-ring? Just one for the house. What’s the last thing you created? An RP post would count as art creation, I'd say. Who are your closest friends? Sara, Girt, and uh... Well, they might be it as far as friends I consider truly close to me. I have a few other people I consider good friends, but we're just not like... on that "close" level, you know? Lisa is maybe another, and Lyndsey perhaps, both WoW friends. Are you ready to have a family? I hate that "have a family" tends to mean get married and have kids, which I'm guessing is what you're implying. If that's the case, no, given I don't want kids and am not fit to get married right now. I'm not even with anyone. I'm content right now with just living with my mom and my two pets, who are children well enough to me. Have you ever taken a DNA test? No. Do you have a family cemetery? No. Would you say you have a high sex drive or not so much? *shrugs* I think it's pretty normal. How do you feel about swallowing pills? What do you mean how do I "feel" about it? I just do it if I need to. What animal is the scariest in your opinion? Some kind of bug, probably. Giant centipedes creep me the fuck out, for one, and I've heard their bite is incredibly painful. I've also always been very afraid of Australia's funnel web spiders since watching some show on Animal Planet when I was younger; I think it scarred me for life, aha. And let's not forget the murder hornets. No thnx, rather die. :') Have you ever questioned your sanity? Way more than once, my friend. How do you feel about people wearing fur coats? Are you for or against it? I am VIOLENTLY against it unless it is for survival in extreme climates and you don't have access to other material. That aside, there is NO way you could possibly convince me that it's okay to wear the fur of something once living on yourself for ~fashion~. What’s the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? Let's not go here. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc. Nothing. If you got the chance, would you audition for a reality show? No. Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight? Haha, yeah. Favorite flavor of jelly bean? Probably watermelon or strawberry. I'm not a massive jellybean fan. Do you use Tinder? If yes, have you ever met up with someone you matched? I've never tried it, no. What book/movie has made you cry the hardest? Either The Notebook or Titanic. Something you feared as a kid but don’t anymore? Thunderstorms. What’s your skincare routine? I don't really have one. Just wash it with water in the shower and then use a washcloth when I feel the need. Would you rather have a snake or a tarantula as a pet? I want both, but I prefer snakes. What is something you are NOT looking forward to? I both am and am not looking forward to my second Covid vaccine because it's notoriously worse than the first; the only bright side to it is that after the potential side effects blow over, I'm job hunting. What do you usually do right when you wake up? Check the time on my phone. Would you rather eat your pizza cold or hot? Hot, but I like both. Who taught you how to swim? Dad, I think? Can you do push-ups? No. Do you like Doritos? Yesssss. Who is the closest friend that you live by? I don't know. Have you ever banged your head against something? I've had two concussions before, so, y'know. Have you ever jumped on a trampoline? Yeah, I loved that as a kid. Do you like watching scary movies? Yeah. Has anyone ever told you that you have a big butt? No, considering I have like no ass, rip. Has one of your friends ever tried to "hook you up?" Ugh, yes. Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions? Landmarks, by a mile. Although, I'm super bad with directions, so it probably wouldn't really matter much. Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books? Yeah, you got to. Does your house have more than one fireplace? No. What was your favourite gym class moment? The one and only thing I liked about gym as a kid was when you took one of those rainbow tarps and made like, an air bubble underneath to make this awesome dome everyone sat in. Ya missed out if you didn't do that. Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun? Yeah. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? Not at all; I was always flattered, knowing they cared enough to want mine. Apple Jacks: yay or nay? I looove those. Do you have a favorite Scooby-Doo movie? Haha yeah, I think it's the second one? Such iconic scenes. It's the one with the Mary Jane girl that Shaggy liked... oh, jokes that went over your head as a kid. Who were your last 3 Facebook messages from and what do they say? I'm too lazy to list the convos themselves, but the people involved are my friends Chelsea and Ian, as well as a friend's mother. Do you turn your phone off at night when you go to sleep? No. It's always on vibrate, and I just turn the brightness way down. What is the sexual orientation of the last person you talked to? She's straight. What’s your favourite hairstyle on the opposite sex? Don't you fucking dare laugh, emo hair is A++. Has anyone ever played a prank on you? What happened? Not a big one, no. Do you like the Silent Hill movies? Do I?! I love the first one (though for a while I wasn't very happy they swapped the lead role from Harry to his wife), and while the second is literal trash story-wise and it's ALL over the damn place, I still enjoy it with just how much I adore SH as a whole. What movie scared you the most out of any other movies? The Rite, because the concept of being raped and impregnated by a demon is fucking horrifying to me. Have you ever wanted to be on American Idol? When was this? Nah. Name 5 things you don’t believe in. 1.) "Everything happens for a reason;" 2.) karma; 3.) destiny/fate; 4.) psychics, fortune tellers, all that; and 5.) luck, at least in the sense of someone having set "good" or "bad" luck. If you could have any friend that you’ve lost back, who would you pick? Probably Megan. If you have pets, who normally puts food and water in their dish? Me for both of them. Do you organize the pictures on your computer into different folders or are they all just under “My Pictures”? I have folders. Do you think if someone is in a relationship, that it is acceptable to have sleepovers with other people of their preferred sex? Eh, nah, that feels a bit far to me. I am very firmly for friends still being able to hang out even if they're each other's preferred gender, but a sleepover sounds a bit too intimate, even without sharing a bed. Would you shoot a gun if given the chance? If you’ve shot a gun before, how many different types of guns have you shot? No. I'm very intimidated by guns and nearly shook when I merely handed a friend his (not for anything bad, he just carried it with him when he goes out), and I've got noooo plans of holding one again unless my life depends on it. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing things like artwork or poetry you’ve written? Is it because you don’t think it’s good enough to show off or because it’s too personal? You. Have. Zero. Idea. It's for both reasons, and it's far more severe in person. Online, I actually don't mind much, oddly enough... I can't quite pin down why. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them? No. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies? Knives scare me like five times more than guns. Scary movies have nothing to do with it, though. They're just so sharp and the idea of being stabbed by one is terrifying. As someone with a history of self-mutilation too (not with knives, but I've thought about it and once planned to slit my throat with one, but Mom stopped me), they just make me incredibly uncomfortable to the point I can barely hold a "real" knife to just slice food. Have you ever climbed a chain-link fence? Many times. What is your LEAST favorite Disney animated movie? That I've seen, uhhhhh... I don't know man, there are way too many Disney movies lmao. Who was the last person’s house you went to besides your own? My sister's. On YouTube, who are two people you find hilarious? I'm just counting GameGrumps as one, and then you can't forget Shane Dawson, regardless of the controversy. He probably made me laugh more than any other YouTuber. Do you shave your pits? Yeah. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I don't think so. Besides the USA, what is your favorite country? I'm not nearly informed enough about foreign countries' politics and laws and mannerisms to have a favorite. Would you rather go to Europe or Asia? Europe. Would you rather go to Africa or Australia? Africa. Would you rather go to Mexico or Canada? Canada. Do you think emo/scene hair is attractive? I love emo and scene hair, don't @ me, it's cute as fuck. Have you ever seen a ghost orb picture? Lots, actually, at one of my old houses that I totally know was haunted. Do you think abortion should be illegal? NO. You would NOT end abortions. You would end SAFE abortions. Do any of your pets have strange habits? Explain? Venus, my ball python, is extremely odd with food to the point I sometimes worry about her, but she's always been this way and is healthy, so I guess it's nothing really worth fretting over. Anyway, when I place her rat in her terrarium, she gets excited first and will pretty much frantically examine her surroundings, like slithering around everywhere, and even when she has clearly found the rat (she'll even prod it with her snout), she usually won't immediately eat. She just like... sits there and has to continue to verify for ten minutes that it's food. I know it's thawed perfectly, btw. So anyway, THAT'S weird... As for Roman, dear god, that cat's just weird, lmao. Especially in the morning, he's very hyper and will bolt around the house sometimes, he "plays" with nothing all the time, he "meerkat"s at nothing that I can nothing, etc. etc. etc. He's a weirdo lol. Have you ever told an extremely inappropriate joke? Oh god, I said something really inapprops once when my friend Chelsea startled me. I won't be repeating it lmao. Who in life have you felt the strongest need to protect? Sara, I think. Who have you most feared in your life? My dad. He doesn't scare me anymore, but he did. What was the quickest friendship you ever made? Oh idk. What is the worst word anyone ever used to describe you? "Martyr." And not the kind that dies for their beliefs. It hurt me so badly to know someone thought of me that way, and I'll probably never let it go. If you have any pets, were they adopted from the humane society? No. Roman is one of the billion kittens born to the cats my sister's in-laws have, and Venus is from a ball python breeding business in Florida called The Gourmet Rodent (they sell f/t rodents too, obvs) Do you like home design, like picking out paint colors and furniture? Not really. My grandmother though, whew, that was her calling for sure. Have you seen any of the old James Bond movies? Nope. List all of your features that you have ever gotten compliments on: My hair, my eyes, my tattoos, my hands, I think my nose, my dimples, my smile, and my boobs lmao. Have you ever been in a hot air balloon? And if not, would you ever want to go in one? I haven't. I think it'd be kinda cool, but they seem too easy to fall out of, and I'm afraid of heights. I'd probably go in one if given the opportunity. Do you have any stains on your shirt currently? No, but there are two small rips. It's just an old tank top. Do you listen to local bands? No. Not that I'm opposed, I just don't know of any I really enjoy. Do you watch YouTube videos often? Many, many daily. Do your parents fight? Do they even talk at all? They're divorced; they used to fight a lot when they were together. Now they only talk if they have reason to. Have you ever watched a movie that's in a complete different language, so you had to read sub-titles? No. Do people with yellow teeth disgust you? Dude, fuck off, no. My teeth are kinda yellow, and I'm extremely self-conscious about it, so seriously fuck this question. You never know for sure why someone's teeth may seem yellowish. Do you drink alcohol on New Year’s Eve? Usually a drink or two. Do you wear rings? I always have two on, yeah. Are you hungry right now? No, I literally just ate a breakfast bowl. Have you ever tried smoking a cigarette? No; I haven't the slightest interest in doing so.

[xbaebsae]

OTP Questions

Tagged by @f0xyboxes , @dieguzguz, @nightwingshero, @deputyrhiannonhale and @returnofthepd3 thanks for thinking of me sweethearts♥

(art by minilev)

Rheese Bennett & Jacob Seed (idk if anyone even reads these except me but under cut because long post)

DISAGREEMENTS

Who is more likely to raise their voice?  Jacob. Now don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t loose his cool all that easy but Rheese can be a pain sometimes and he lacks the patience.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?  Neither of them.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?  This is actually what Rheese does when they break up about three months before the game. He finally is too deluded by Joseph’s demands of him that she cannot get through to him anymore and keep him from hurting people. They have a pretty bad fight about him torturing people that ends with him actually slapping her with the intention of making her shut up because she wouldn’t stop arguing against him. She gives him one moment to apologize for that, but he doesn’t so she leaves :’)

Who trashes the house?  They frequently throw things at each other.

Do either of them get physical?  Depends on when. Jacob pushes her around sometimes or touches her pretty roughly when he suffers from the effects of his PTSD. No domestic violence though. They also land real blows in training fights, same level bad on both sides really.

It’s worse during the arrest when they aren’t together anymore. Jacob was pretty devastated when he realized she actually left for good (he interpreted ‘i am leaving’ as her going home). It resulted in a lot of self blame (justified) which his family couldn’t really deal with. Joseph convinced him in the end that she was just another test he had to overcome in his life to find his correct path. So, he pretty much behaves just like he does in-game. She doesn’t get special treatment, she gets starved and thrown into murder trials like everyone else.

How often do they argue/disagree?  Pretty often. In the beginning it’s all they do, until they realize that having normal conversations every once in a while isn’t so bad actually.

Who is the first to apologize?  Apologies are for the weak :)

SEX

Who is on top?  Jacob

Who is on the bottom? Rheese (though she won’t admit it if you asked her)

Who has the strangest desires?  It’s nothing very strange tbh (at least not by my definition of strange... god i’ve seen ... things on deviantart. Definetly none of that!)

Any kinks?  Yeah, the perfect combo of wanting to feel powerless and wanting to feel in control. It complies with their character really. Rheese was forced to take care of herself ever since her teen years, which developed her into a pretty tough person. She likes the control she has over her life, and doesn’t let herself be pushed around by anyone. Feeling stripped of that control is however really exciting for her. Jacob’s kinda the other way around (imo anyway) in that he’s constantly following orders nevermind when or where, even within his own family (to not disappoint Joseph).

Who’s dominant in bed?  Jacob, Rheese only if he forces her to be :)

Is head ever in the equation?  Yes

If so, who is better at performing it?  Rheese. Slightly unfair though because she’s simply worse on the receiving end.

Ever had sex in public?  Yeah, much to her dismay.

Who moans the most?  Rheese

Who leaves the most marks?  Both do in different ways.

Who is the more experienced of the two?  Jacob

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?  Even the nastiest sex is ‘making love’ to them really. It’s frankly a form of talking to them because they both truly suck at verbal communication. Also, Rheese has the old fashioned rule in her life that she won’t sleep with people she isn’t sure about, so before actually being together they don’t have sex. Tho she’s close to breaking that rule multiple times.

Rough or soft?  Rough, sometimes foreplay is soft.

How long do they usually last?  Depends on time and mood. Also Rheese is a lot younger so she sometimes could go again when he can’t. However that doesn’t mean he gets the best of her sometimes :’)

Is protection used?  Yes on her side

Does it ever get boring?  No

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex?  Some small cabin at the place they train Judges. It was kinky, they got caught and she prefers to just not talk about it ever again.

FAMILY

Do they plan on having children/or have children?  No, they never wanted to. Their daughter Jaina was an unwanted accident.

If so, how many children do they want/have?  They have 1 and that’s already more than they wanted.

AFFECTION

Who likes to cuddle?  Rheese

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?  Jacob usually. But sometimes she’s good at it as well.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?  Jacob, and it bothers her a lot in public. He doesn’t really care about what his people think of him, he knows he’s the boss so they can’t say shit. It’s also a way of just showing off that she belongs to him and that’s exactly why she doesn’t like it, cause she ain’t property. Also, people might believe she only became a Chosen trainer because she fucks the boss, which isn’t true because she got that position from someone other than Jake, based entirely on her performance.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?  Until Rheese falls into deep sleep and starts spreading her limbs everywhere uncontrolably.

Who gives the most kisses?  Jacob

What is their favourite non-sexual activity?  Honestly, just existing next to each other is enough. They are just as happy just sitting in the same room, doing their own tasks, as they are going out for a fishing trip (actually she hates fishing, but the lakes are nice).

Where is their favourite place to cuddle?  The bed

How often do they get time to themselves?  Usually evenings and nights. They would have more time together if Rheese didn’t value her alone time. Sometimes she prefers to spend her days off alone, going on a ride through the forests or just relaxing without anybody around. He doesn’t quite approve of that but she doesn’t let herself be locked up.

SLEEPING

Who snores?  None of them

If both do, who snores the loudest?  Nobody

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?  Share a bed when living together.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?  Usually fall asleep cuddling but where they end up is entirely up to chance.

What do they wear to bed?  Underwear usually. Though t-shirts along with that in the beginning.

Are either of them insomniacs?  Jake has trouble sleeping and often wakes up. Her presence helps him but she’s not a magic sleeping pill so the issue never fully disappears.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?  Nah

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?  Usually the first, when it’s too hot the latter.

Who wakes up with bed hair?  Both. Rheese loves his messy hair, especially after she bullied him enough into letting it grow a bit. He however calls her hay-head, because her hair gets all tangled up and poofy despite being tied into a braid.

Who wakes up first?  He does, good luck getting her outta bed before 10.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?  Nobody does, they aren’t romantic.

What is their favourite sleeping position?  Rheese digging her face in the space between his neck and shoulders while one leg and one arm hugs him and he has an arm around her.

Do they set an alarm each night?  When there’s work the next day.

Can a television be found in their bedroom?  No, though she sometimes uses his laptop to watch movies.

Who has nightmares?  Jacob has real ones, Rheese only the occasional bad dream we all get sometimes.

Who has ridiculous dreams?  She dreams demented shit sometimes, never talks about it though.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?  Rheese, she’s a restless sleeper. Got kicked out of the bed for it more than once.

Who makes the bed?  Neither of them. They don’t care about it being untidy.

What time is bed time?  Depends. Usually Rheese stays awake longer to finish watching movies.

Any routines/rituals before bed?  Nothing special, sometimes talking, sometimes a movie, sometimes sex, sometimes just hugging in silence.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?  Jake, esp when she talks too much in the morning.

WORK

Who is the busiest?  They both are pretty equally busy.

Who rakes in the highest income?  It doesn’t really matter to them. The cult pays food and since they don’t care much about materialism, they don’t need much money.

Are any of them unemployed?  They have their job in the cult. Rheese works as a deputy before and after her stay there. so no.

Who takes the most sick days?  Neither really take any unless they are really so sick they can’t move. It’s an unhealthy work ethic but they feel useless when just lying in bed all day.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?  Jake didn’t before, but he sometimes does because of her in the morning. Not that he really minds though, who’s gonna say anything against him?

Who sucks up to their boss?  Jacob in regards to Joseph, which Rheese thinks is very unhealthy. She doesn’t like how he lets himself be used so much and mostly blindly follows whatever his brother says. They have a lot of arguments about this and in the end it’s what ruins their relationship.

What are their jobs?  He’s head of security at Eden’s Gate. She’s a deputy, then pseudo joins the cult and works herself up to become a trainer of the Chosen, then she returns to her deputy position for the arrest.

Who stresses the most?  He does

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?  Police work wasn’t her passion. It was just a career she thought wouldn’t be boring. No noble motives and such. She only reprises her role as the deputy for the arrest because she falsely blames herself for everyone who’s been hurt by Jake’s hands after she left him. Her return is based on her trying to redeem herself. She had fun training Chosen, but she wouldn’t want to be part of any torture cult.

Jacob barely has any opinion on his work. He believes what he does is what needs to be done and he’s the best suited person for the job. You won’t find him complain, though he secretly just wants peace in his life. He hopes the cult’s actions will ultimately lead to that.

Are they financially stable?  They have enough.

HOME

Who does the washing?  Neither until one of them is fed up with the pile in the sink or the lack of clean plates in the shelf.

Who takes out the trash?  Usually Rheese is bothered by it first.

Who does the ironing?  They don’t

Who does the cooking?  She makes good pancakes. But other than that? Don’t allow her in the kitchen because she can’t cook for shit. He can cook a couple of things but is often simply too lazy to ‘play housewife’ so their dinners often consist of very simplistic things. Occasionally one of them will bring home takeout.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?  Rheese, just...keep her out of the kitchen.

Who is messier?  Both pretty much. His place is a mess and she isn’t bothered by it because her apartment looked the same.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty?  Jake, to annoy her.

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?  They both just throw them wherever.

Who forgets to flush the toilet?  Jake, again to annoy her. (her ‘ewww you’re fucking nasty’ face is really entertaining)

Who is the prankster around the house? Neither, they diss each other a lot, sometimes joke on the other’s cost but no deliberate pranks.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?  Doesn’t really happen.

Who mows the lawn?  No lawn

Who answers the telephone?  They answer their own cells respectively. He refuses to get a smartphone.

Who does the vacuuming?  They don’t own a vacuum cleaner. Only a broom and a mop.

Who does the groceries?  Usually he does.

Who takes the longest to shower?  Rheese, she enjoys the feel of hot water on her skin.

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?  Not much difference there. Rheese doesn’t bother anymore with any routines and such after Jake told her he hates when she wears makeup because it makes his hands sticky when he touches her face :’) Though sometimes she will still put eyeliner out of habit.

MISCELLANEOUS

Is money a problem?  No, they don’t need much.

How many cars do they own?  Jake own an old truck and a motorcycle, Rheese used to have a car but sold it. She prefers riding on her horse Nugget anyway.

Do they own their home or do they rent?  She had an apartment in Missoula before ‘joining’. Then she lived at Stone Ridge for a while, then she moved in with him to his place. A tiny cabin far up a mountain at the far outside of the region.

Do they live in the city or in the country?  Country

Do they enjoy their surroundings?  Yes, especially the forests.

What’s their song?  You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi

What do they do when they’re away from each other?  Working, doing their own thing, living. He’s more possessive about her than she is about it. But they both function normally when not being together.

Where did they first meet?  Technically at the church during her very first sermon to ‘join’ the project. But they only interacted about a week later when he’s supposed to bring her to her initiation at John’s place. They immediately hate each other :’)

Who spends the most money when out shopping?  Whoever does the grocery shopping? They both aren’t big on other shopping trips.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?  She’s not very show off-y. Jacob likes showing she ‘belongs to him’.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?  Both

Any mental issues?  Rheese doesn’t really, she lost her parents and her family is extremely distant but it never gave her trauma.

Jacob still deals with the aftermath of war esp. His PTSD gets bad sometimes and he has sleeping issues.

Who’s terrified of bugs?  She is afraid of spiders, and would appreciate if he killed them when they are in the house. But usually he ends up throwing them at her and tells her it’s therapy to defeat her fears.

Who kills the spiders around the house?  Neither, see above

Their favourite place?  A small lake behind a mountain near his cabin.

Who pays the bills?  The cult

Do they have any fears for their future?  Yeah, they are very conflicted about it. Neither of them know where it all leads and their differences (esp the age one) is an issue at times.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?  They don’t really do that.

Who’s the tallest?  He’s 6'1, she is 5'2. He constantly calls her ‘Shorty’, not in any endearing cute nickname way, but purely to mock her height.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?  Happens with both of them frequently. Tho Jacob is more prone to this because he showers less on his own. So when she’s in there he’s often like ‘might as well join’.

Who wanders around in their underwear?  Rheese starts this trend which he really doesn’t complain about. She also argues that it makes sense because then there will be less laundry to take care of. Can’t really argue with that really.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?  She does, very very badly cause she can’t sing.

What do they tease each other about?  Her short height and his age. Always.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?  Doesn’t really happen but he does judge her Power Rangers T-shirt she wears for sleeping.

Who crushed first?  They both kinda did. They blamed it on physical attraction at first, which made Rheese mad because he wasn’t her type. It takes them a couple of months to actually admit they might eventually possibly perhaps maybe have feelings for one another :)

Any alcohol or substance related problems?  Not really

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?  Rheese does once, and another time they do it together.

Who swears the most?  Jacob, though she’s pretty good at it too.

Tagging @joeyhxdson @fadedjacket @shallow-gravy @chazz-anova​ @ja-crispea​ if you want to. Idk who did this by the time this gets posted.

[bytheanchor]

huntbastian headcanons

Who cooks:

Hunter. Hunter has always had to learn all the basics to be able to get around life on his own. He does not depend on people and he hates having to, so cooking is a part of it. He also enjoys it secretly because the kitchen is like a small realm he can reign over and command, and things get done exactly how he wants them to - because he has a good hand for it, so it’s relaxing for him. Plus he likes knowing exactly what he’s eating and what’s in it, because he’s a control freak.

Sebastian has very little notion of how a kitchen works. He likes to eat the food not see how it gets done. He likes it when it’s ready and into his belly, thank you very much. In time, though, he’s forced to learn a thing or two from Hunter, because Hunter is not always in the mood to cook, or not always around the house, and because he’ll certainly not wake up at 3 am to make him waffles, and so, Sebastian gets extremely proud of even his smallest achievements. He pretends it’s no big deal, and Hunter doesn’t point it out, but he smiles and eats it all to make him happy.

Who does the laundry and other chores:

Hunter does the laundry, because although Seb might learn not to screw it up, he has zero patience to do it the way Hunter likes it: everything folded a certain way and in a certain order. However, Sebastian might learn to enjoy to do cleaning, because he’d be sweeping around with his headphones on, and could be when he comes up with a lot of his dance routines, as he goes around the house sliding in his socks. Things might not turn out Hunter level perfect, but good enough. Hunter also takes Clarence with him to the bedroom, in such occasions, because he’s learned that leaving his cat in Sebastian’s way, whilst he’s cleaning, is not wise. Hunter also washes the dishes most of the times, and takes the trash out.

How many children do they have:

One. They have enough trouble figuring out how to raise one child. Plus, they are pretty content with giving all of their time to one kid, instead of pulling their hair out trying to take care of more than that. They both like perfection and dedication, and wouldn’t forgive themselves for doing a half assed job with their kids, like what their parents did to them. That would be the most important person in their lives. Not to mention, they need some time for themselves separately and together in order to keep peace inside the house and stay sane.

Who’s more dominant:

Hunter. Sebastian might play around sometimes, but he’s more coy about it, even when he’s taking control over. It’s more about sexy and controlling the pleasure, and the way he likes to torture Hunter for his right to orgasm. Hunter is a lot more intense about these things. With him it has more to do with the act of domination itself, rather than with sexual activities per se. He can enjoy when Sebastian takes over, it’s very nice to be able to just let go and know that Sebastian will catch him, and he doesn’t have to keep his walls up. However, he feels completely in place when he’s dominating, and takes his head into a space where all his doubts are non-existing and it’s a feeling that can’t be replaced. Sebastian can’t complain either, because when Hunter is in that mood, he’s so fucking hot, and Sebastian can be more submissive than he usually is in life in general, and trust it - so it feels nice as well. He’s always fighting everyone and everything because he’s stubborn and rarely ever trusts people’s intentions, so it’s nice to let go with the one person he learns to put trust in.

Now, if we’re talking outside the bedroom, they are both stupid thick-heads and will push to get what they want, in the way they want it. They have learned after fighting over the most stupid things when to back down a little, and compromise. Hunter can see when Sebastian won’t back down and when it’s not really about the thing that he’s pushing for, and more that something else happened, so lets him do it the way he wants to keep his peace of mind. Sebastian also knows when Hunter just needs something to go his way, as stupid as the thing can seem to him, like what movie they are going to watch, or what is the exact volume he wants the tv to be on, because everything else is a mess, so he tones down and goes along with it. It’s his nature most of the time, to be chill, so despite Hunter driving him crazy more easily than anyone else, it’s also easier for him to let things go.

Favorite nonsexual activity:

Hmm. I think they have a lot of things in common, and would enjoy doing a lot of them together. I think that their favorite thing to do would be to try new things together. Go skydiving, go to that new paintball place, try a new restaurant out, take a trip to that park Hunter keeps talking about, go out at a random night to that crazy nightclub Sebastian heard about, go sing in that bar that has night competitions because why not? they could use the free booze price, go visit houses pretending they’re just curious, but knowing they actually want to move into one, together, one day, even if they don’t talk about it, because they were both raised in big houses, try diving, try surfing, go eat in that new little place Sebastian saw on his way to work… Etc. I think they’d try a new thing at least once a week, and it wouldn’t be the same if they weren’t together, it’s fun because they are together, and it creates their favorite memories.

Their favorite place to be together:

Bed. I know, I know. But really, they spend so much time out, at work, or doing things, or socializing, because they can be both very social people, or on trips, or eating out, or just walking around, that it’s pretty amazing to just be in bed all day in their underwear. Whether that be fucking or not, just reading books, or the news, or eating treats that were grabbed by the loser of rock-paper-scissors that morning. It’s their favorite place to be together because when they’re in bed they don’t have to share each other with a single other person, or worry about anyone else. 

Of course they eventually need to get up and do other things, but it’s a quiet moment they don’t get a lot, and they appreciate every minute of it. Those are also the days they usually have very lazy fucking, and lose count of how many times, because between their third shower, and that lame ass movie they laughed their asses off watching, and their fourth fuck of the day, it doesn’t really matter. I also reckon that once they have children, their bed is the only place they are truly alone, and they need those moments, as much as they love their kid to death.

Any traditions:

Christmas. They always decorate the place together, and even if they go to some kind of celebration or get-together the night prior, they always spend the Christmas day together, and they always surprise each other with their gift, that can never be given before Christmas day. They also have finally agreed that Sunday mornings are for staying in, so Hunter cuts his work out plan short for just a jog and wakes Sebastian up when he gets back to bed after his shower, so they can spend it together. I’m also pretty sure they have some kind of game they always play together. Not sure if it’d be video game, board game, or cards, or pool, but they keep tabs on it, on a board on their living room wall and write little notes besides each game result exulting themselves or calling the other a cheater, or whatever it is.

Their “song”:

Not sure they have a specific one. I’m pretty sure both of them would find that extremely cheesy. They do however sing for each other, or together, now and then. But it’s normally more about having fun or in a sexual like situation than anything else. I think Hunter would be the one to sing him a real “serenade” song instead of just something silly. I have a gazillion songs for them. So it’d be hard to list the best one. But the first one that came to my mind for some reason was Find Yourself from Brad Paisley, because they are both in their low places when they meet each other, or pretty “lost in life” and meeting each other changes everything, no matter the AU setting.

What they do for each other on holidays:

They don’t care much about holidays aside from Christmas. And even Christmas is not in a religious way as much as it is a way to keep a tradition and a sense of home, when they both have their bumps on the road with their families and this is a way to keep something sacred between them. And, later, it is a day when no matter what issues they might have, they put it aside for Christmas’s day with their child. I think that in other times they just have a good time. Go out in New Year’s and drink and fuck a lot, and alternate between their families on thanksgiving, or if they don’t, they just stay home and cook and eat together, or go somewhere warm and spend their day in the pool or something of the like.

Where did they go for their honeymoon:

Somewhere where there’s a beach in a huge ass fancy hotel. Sebastian loves summer, and Hunter really likes being able to be in shorts and swim trunks and tank tops 99% of the times instead of in suits or uniforms so he has no complaints. I think they’d choose somewhere foreign so they could really feel completely free and explore new things, which they enjoy. They did it all, a whole day drinking by the pool, sneaky make outs by the sauna, and walks by the beach to “explore” though it was just an excuse for them to talk and enjoy each other. In their honeymoon, they had absolutely no timing or schedules, they did whatever they wanted, when they wanted, and Sebastian even managed to have Hunter oversleep every day, so he would be rested when back home. They also clearly pranked each other a lot. Not to mention they often skipped meals to stay in and nap or have a whole day in bed, which happened specially the day after, which meant they just started to get to know the place a day after they arrived. There was also a lot of dancing.

Where did they first meet:

I always like the canon first meet before any other else, so Dalton.

Any pets:

Clarence, duh. Though I like to think Hunter would choose some more traditional name meant for people which Sebastian would tease him to death for. I think they would try having other pets along the way, and Seb would definitely want a big dog, but they might give up eventually, specially after Sebastian bonds with the cat, and doesn’t really have the time for any other pets.

What do they fight over:

Pffff. A lot. Who forgot to pay the bills. Whose is the time to wash the dishes. Why is Sebastian’s towel always on the bed. Why must Hunter control every single little freaking thing in their life…. I mean, do I need to go on? I think they rarely fight over jealousy. They sprinkle their jealousy anger into other stupid arguments and angry sex. Both of them know quite well when the other is jealous. If they have a real fight, it usually leads to one of them leaving the apartment for a day, and to very apologetic make up sex.

Do they go on vacations, if so where:

Yep. They do. Everywhere really. They always go somewhere together when they take time off work. They don’t like staying in the city when they’re not working. I think they’d travel pretty much everywhere unless it’s dangerous for civilians. I think they’d go to Egypt and explore Europe, and maybe South America, and Australia, Japan, ranging from very hot to very cold places, and the subsequent activities for each place. They just like exploring and taking pictures, and having memories that are only theirs. When they have their kid, they start being more careful with the places they pick to go to, and plan the trip better than just get there and see what happens, but they still take them everywhere, and have a lot of fun with it. Sebastian loves reading about the history of the places, takes them to the best night clubs and most famous bars, while Hunter makes a list of restaurant and special places he’d like to take them to, and takes them to all the radical sports spots. They both like to do historical exploring together.

[ohshcscenerios]

“Ritsu x Haruhi, Lycanthropes (shape shifters), romance/smut, red eyes. I really like the idea of making Ritsu a kingly type while Haruhi is a lowly servant girl working in his castle. And can you make Ritsu a dragon.............and Haruhi is the last female dragon shape shifter.....and the way he finds out is from her eyes.......her red eyes...... Give me this fic daddy?”

I received this prompt request three days ago and I absolutely had to write it. I didn’t expect for it be take so long or for the story to be so long but as most writers know, sometimes stories demand to be written in a certain way. I hope you enjoy!

Golden sunlight filtered through an open window as a new day was born. Life beyond the castle’s stone walls was rising to greet the morning. Birds cheerfully chirped in the blooming sakura trees, families of rabbits emerged from their burrowed nests, and the fields of wild flowers cascading from the castle’s foundation opened their petals for the nourishing sunlight. Beyond the hills of wild tulips the townspeople began their busy daily routines in keeping their kingdom thriving, if not for themselves than to appease the king.

The king had earned his kingdom’s respect since the day of his noble birth for he stood as the last of his kind; a dragon shifter. His vivid red hair represented his strength as not only a dragon shifter but as a leader for the color red represented unmatchable power among his kind.

Or rather – among him.

King Ritsu Kasanoda groaned as blinding sunlight crashed against his tired eyes. He rolled over beneath his quilts and adjusted his feathered pillow before closing his eyes again, hoping he could steal a few more minutes of much needed sleep.

Last night his troubled mind wouldn’t grant him sleep. He tossed and turned but his mind wouldn’t surrender to his much needed rest. The haunting comments from yesterday’s council meeting plagued his mind, forcing him to live a nightmare until he could slip into his dreams.

He was forced to call a meeting among his most trusted advisors and councilmen to discuss the urgent matter of finding an heir to one day pass his throne to. He was unmarried and without children of his own which further complicated his situation.

The truth was, he could pass his throne down to anyone who he deemed fit. The next king wasn’t obligated to also be a dragon shifter. In terms of his kingdom’s success his throne was safe. It was the death of his own lineage that greatly troubled him.

His birth marked the beginning of a new era for it provided his parents hope for the continuation of their kind. However after his tenth birthday their future became drastically bleak. His parents were assassinated by a kingdom three days away who had been declaring war for the past three decades, wagering their land. They were poisoned by one of their maids who had betrayed them for money.

Since that dark day Ritsu wouldn’t dare eat anything unless one of his staff tasted the food first. Ten years later it had become a routine his maids were well accustomed to; all except for one.

A knock sounding on the wooden door immediately caught his attention. He groaned as he ran a heavy hand down his face, mourning his lost opportunity for more sleep.

“You may enter.” He called out.

A small maid slipped past the thick door with his breakfast on a metal tray; porridge with poached egg and fresh strawberries. She walk to his bedside and carefully placed the tray at the bed’s end.

Ritsu hadn’t seen this young maid before. Her appearance was almost uniformed to the rest of his maids; long dark hair, fair skin, and slim physique. However, when she turned to greet him he realized what set her apart. She had the most beautiful brown doe eyes.

“What is your name?” Ritsu asked.

The young maid corrected her posture and answered, “Haruhi. Haruhi Fujioka, your majesty.”

“I haven’t seen you before. Are you a new hire?” He sat up and propped himself against the headboard. His quilts fell into his lap, revealing his bare chest. Haruhi averted her eyes away for the sake of being modest.

“I’ve served in this castle for ten years. I was hired into the kitchen staff. I was asked to bring you your breakfast this morning after your personal maid fell ill.” She answered as she focused on the floor.

Ritsu nodded, her explanation having satisfied his curiosity, and waited for her to taste the porridge. Instead Haruhi curtsied and turned to leave.

Ritsu loudly cleared his throat, “Are you forgetting something?”

Haruhi stopped before she reached for the door and turned around to the scan the bedroom. Her eyes trailed her path, then the bed, then the king himself – instantly blushing upon seeing his nakedness.

“I was just told to deliver your breakfast, your majesty.” She responded, beginning to feel miffed.

She had been working in his castle for nearly ten years now and yet today was the first time she has properly met the king. She had to admit, he was quite handsome. His sharp features and toned chest made him appear very masculine and strong. She quickly dismissed her juvenile thoughts and quietly chastised her lapse in composure. She couldn’t allow herself to have such colluding thoughts about their honorable king.

Ritsu looked at the breakfast tray and cleared his throat again. Without moving, Haruhi followed his eyes and studied the food, wondering what it was she needed to consider. She remembered his silverware, a freshly ironed cloth napkin, and some mint leaves for afterwards.

Ritsu crossed his arms, “If it’s true that you’ve been working in my castle for a decade then you should know I need my food tasted before I can eat it.” He was beginning to sound angry which didn’t fair well with Haruhi. Her honest mistake didn’t deserve his darkening attitude.

She walked back to his bed with a frown, picked up the spoon, and brought a small dip of porridge past her lips. She used her apron to wipe the spoon clean after she swallowed.

“It appears to be fine.” She said, hoping to hide her rising agitation.

Ritsu waved her off, “Very well.”

He wanted to be left alone, to wallow in his frustration in privacy. He didn’t have much time before he needed to promise the throne to an heir and the crushing weight of his reality was slowly souring him.

Haruhi deepened her frown at his rudeness and turned away to leave however something caught his attention; something impossible. No quicker than a blink her eyes flashed a brilliant shade of red before returning to their subtle brown.

“Stop!” Ritsu yelled out as he threw his quilts to the side. He didn’t notice nor cared that his only clothing was slacks, he needed to make sure what he had just seen wasn’t an illusion of his plagued mind.

Just as he grabbed her arm he spun her around to face him and grabbed her shoulders.

“Your eyes… I saw them turn red…” He stammered, praying with as much faith as he could muster in that moment that he wasn’t hallucinating. “You’re a dragon shifter.”

Haruhi stilled in his grasp and stared at him in shock. She knew the king was a dragon shifter. She had known long before she began working in his castle. She didn’t realize he thought he was the only one.

“Yes, I am.” She said.

“You… Do you know what this means? Do you know what this means for our kind? My parents wasted years searching for another dragon shifter. I believed I was the only one…” Ritsu couldn’t control the words cascading off his tongue. The relief he momentarily felt gave way to a conflicting cocktail of emotions burden his chest. If she were truly a dragon shifter then what could that mean for him? Were there others like them who remained hidden throughout the world… or was fate cruel enough to have them stand as the last of their kind?

“Your parents… Where do your parents live?” Ritsu needed to see with his own eyes if there were more like him. It would make sense why Haruhi’s family was able to hide in the shadows for so long. His parents had sent a search party outside their kingdom but never thought to search within.

Haruhi’s irritated expression relaxed as she watched him carefully, “My parents have passed.”

Ritsu loosened his grip on her shoulders and let his hands fall to his side. Fate truly was cruel.

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly, ashamed of his abrasive behavior.

“They were killed by poachers for their scales. I came to this castle as an orphan. I was given a job and a bed and for that I’ll serve under you until my last breath. I’ve been given a new life, a safe life, and for that I’m grateful.”

Haruhi wasn’t sure why she felt the need to present her gratitude. Perhaps she wanted to offer her thanks while she could freely speak to him or perhaps his disheveled state of mind frightened her. Either way, it somehow succeeded in calming him down.

Ritsu nodded and took a step back, “I’m glad my people have been good to you. However, there is something we need to discuss.”

.

.

“We can’t be the last ones,” Haruhi said quietly, “we just can’t be.” She tried to digest what Ritsu had just told her but she didn’t want to accept the harsh truth. If what he said were true, that his men failed in finding another dragon shifter, then that meant their kind was on the brink of extinction… if not already.

“Unfortunately we are… which leads us to a difficult decision.” Ritsu said regretfully. Now that he had met the last female dragon shifter it would appear their solution was standing right in front of him. However he wasn’t confident if Haruhi would feel compelled to do him this service, even for the sake of their kind. Although he was the king he also knew he was a stranger in her eyes; a stranger who she had just met that morning.

Haruhi watched him carefully for a moment, almost skeptically, “Which decision is that?”

Ritsu took a deep breath and took a moment to mentally prepare himself for the difficult conversation.

“Haruhi, because you are the last female dragon shifter and I am the last male dragon shifter… it could only mean one thing for us. It’s our responsibility to continue our kind.”

“You mean it’s my responsibility to bear your children.” Haruhi said sullenly. She was beginning to understand their situation and what would need to be done for the sake of their kind but she a part of her selfishly wanted to walk away.

Before her parent’s untimely death they taught her to love her special gift and honor the blessing they had been born with however they discouraged her from shifting. They warned her of poachers who didn’t see their second form as a gift of nature but rather a pile of gold. Their scales could be formed into beautiful swords and jewelry which put a hefty price on their bodies. They lived secluded from the main villages to protect their family but unfortunately two poachers caught wind of their humble cottage hidden deep in the wood and they came by night with axes. Haruhi only survived because her mother forced her to hide beneath the floor boards.

She understood Ritsu’s proposal in saving their kind but she couldn’t help but consider if their kind should continue. If they were successful in having children, would she want to raise them in this world? In a world where they’d fear for their lives?

“I understand your proposal, your majesty, but I’m afraid I’m not sure if I should.” She confessed.

Ritsu narrowed his eyes, “You’re not sure you should? Of course you should. If you don’t agree to this our kind will die with us. Dragon shifters will forever be lost to the world.”

“Would that be such a bad thing?” Haruhi barked back, “This world is cruel and unforgiving. Perhaps there is no longer a place for dragon shifters.”

Ritsu stepped forward as anger quickly distorted his expression, “You will let our kind die? You extinguish our gift?” He couldn’t control his rising voice as unpleasant rage began to consume him.

Haruhi stepped forward defensively, feeding off his anger, “We need to think about this thoroughly-.”

“We don’t need to!” He interrupted, “We have been blessed with this opportunity but you’d rather see this as a curse.” His hands tightened into fists, his chest heaved with labored breaths, and his voice echoed off the stone walls as he spoke.

Haruhi felt herself being provoked to her edge as anger welled inside her, sparking a strange sensation to spread throughout her body. Her muscles tensed while a scolding heat rushed through her veins, making her feel light headed. She had felt this way once before when she was a child but her mother quickly calmed her down before she could shift.

Unfortunately, her mother was no longer here.

Haruhi felt a white heat consume her body before her vision blurred, completely blinding her. It happened so fast yet she felt every second clash against her like an explosion.

Her vision slowly returned, allowing her to first see bright lights cast along shadows before more details came into focus. The bedroom was suddenly smaller, almost cramp, and her view drastically shifted to a higher perspective. Beyond her physical changes she also felt a charged energy coursing through her, almost encouraging her to test her strength.

“You’re beautiful.”

Haruhi looked down and was surprised to see her king appear so small. He stared at her in awe, nearly slack jawed.

Haruhi dared a glance behind her and was shocked to see a slim long body decorated in white scales. The morning sunlight reflected off her scales, making them shimmer like brilliant diamonds. She couldn’t form a single coherent thought as she stared at her new body, completely amazed.

She was beautiful.

A rushing wind brought her attention back to her king except what she found wasn’t the king, per say. He also shifted into his dragon form and now stood before her as a radiant creature. He was larger than her but that was to be expected when comparing a male to a female. His red scales also caught the morning sunlight but their shine was different. They didn’t simply reflect the light but seemed to consume it and project it back with a red hue.

She knew red was a powerful color among their kind and the king displayed that power brilliantly. He radiated the glory of their kind and it encouraged tears to her eyes.

They were the last of a marvelous breed… and she couldn’t allow them to disappear. Now that she stood face to face with her kind she couldn’t allow their species to die in the shadows.

Haruhi knew what she needed to do.

She bowed her head as she lowered her front legs, kneeling before Ritsu. She then lifted her tail, silently inviting Ritsu to proceed.

He lowly growled as he stepped around her kneeling body, mindful of his steps. He didn’t want to crush his furniture below his paws. It was a shame that she shifted in his bedroom considering their limited space but it did provide their much needed privacy.

Ritsu mounted her from behind and carefully situated himself above her hips. He leaned forward and snaked his ling neck around Haruhi’s, pressing his reassurance and gratitude into his gentle touches.

He positioned himself at her entrance and pushed himself into her. Haruhi instantly reacted to the pain, struggling beneath his grasp. He rubbed his head against hers as he growled, begging her to calm down. He didn’t dare to move until Haruhi whimpered, granting him her permission.

Ritsu slowly pumped himself into her, careful not to hurt her again. He nuzzled his head along her neck as he moved, hoping his caresses helped her relax. He was rapidly nearing his peak and after a few more guttural thrusts he expelled his seed into her. Haruhi lifted her hips as he pressed her into the floor.

.

.

Haruhi didn’t know when she fell asleep. She didn’t know if her exhaustion could be blamed on her first shifting or her first intimate experience. Either way, she never expected to wake up in a comfortable bed wrapped in warm quilts.

She slowly opened her eyes to find herself staring at a wooden ceiling, a rather strange sight. If she were in her personal cot in the maid quarters she should have been in a tightly knit stone room with one lamp and one nightstand beside her. Instead, the room she was residing in large and well adorned with antiques and priceless collections.

The window along the far wall proved it was now the late evening.

“You’re awake.” A deep voice said beside her.

Haruhi jerked to her left to see the kind lying beside her – naked. She lifted the quilts that covered her to peak underneath, dreading to know the truth.

She was also naked.

The memories of what had happened that morning flooded into the forefront her mind as she remembered her conversation with the king, discovering they were the last two of their kind, and then…

“You and I… we…” she stammered, mortified. She didn’t want to know what her king thought of her now; a young woman who willingly gave herself away to a man she had just met. She was a rational person by nature and yet she easily offered her innocence to her king.

“Something troubles you.” He commented, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. He saw the confliction in her eyes as she watched him.

Haruhi nodded, “I apologize, your majesty. I’ve shamed myself in front of you. Forgive me.”

Ritsu smiled and shook his head, “No Haruhi, you did the right thing. Because of you our species can live.” He propped himself onto his side and looked down to her, reaching for her hand to lock their fingers together, “Because of you I can pass my throne down to a worthy heir.”

Haruhi arched an eyebrow, “What if we don’t conceive a son?”

“Then we’ll keep trying until we do.” He replied before pulling her close.

[wordlessbabbling]

Gun Metal and Daisies (Thomas Shelby)- Chapter 21

“Maybe one day I’ll get hit by a train.”

Masterlist

Of all the sad things I've heard, "I used to be so happy" is the most heartbreaking of all.

And so their routines continued.

Every Monday through to Friday, Thomas would visit Dorothy at the bakery for her lunch break. They'd get a meal and share it, all the while exchanging opinions on topics that meant nothing and everything.

Thomas remembered one specific time where the two exchanged an incredibly vulnerable chat. Thomas begged the question-.

——

"What do you fear the most?"

Dorothy put down her fork and was silent for a moment.

"Y'know what, Bubs. I don't think I'm afraid of death. I think one day I just decided it wasn't a burden to me. I suppose after smelling death in the air for as long as I have, you learn that it always just tends to sit there. On your shoulder. On your back.

Death is not a burden, more just a train to a location that we never really know the destination to.

"I think maybe my biggest fear at the moment might be losing you." She smiled sheepishly at the ground, "you're the only friend I've had that I desperately want to stick around. I'm not afraid of you dying. No. You seem like you've been able to cheat death like a game of charades your whole life.

"My biggest fear is you'll see me one day in the market on a Tuesday morning or whatever and instead of coming over with a hug and greeting, you'll look at me and see all my flaws. My nose, my chapped lips, the way my hair never sits straight. You'll think about my random spouts of rambles and how I can't sit still. You'll think about how obnoxious I am with my stupid camera.

You wake up one day and decide that for no reason in particular, that you just don't like me anymore.

"I'm terrified that I'll stop living again. Loneliness is not a fear of mine, but not living is. I'm terrified that one day I'll go to work, you'll be gone, and I won't be living anymore. I'd hate to have been given a life by whatever deity is up there, and not live it."

Dorothy settled her hands in her lap, forgetting about the tray of food in front of her. Midway through her speech, Thomas froze and dropped his fork, neither of the two seemed to realise.

Thomas, unsure what to say, nodded and with another pause said, "I really hope nothing like that happens. I suppose I fear that as well. That one day you'll see me the way I see myself."

His words were not a declaration of his feelings, but in that moment alone, Thomas was more vulnerable than he had been his whole life. Even before the mud and picks.

Dorothy moved the tray of food out of the way, she climbed across the crate and kneeled next to him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders in a comfortable side hug. Thomas reached to the side and wrapped his arms around her torso, leaning into her ribs and just shutting his eyes.

They stayed like that for another moment, before she pulled back and dug herself into his side, she then placed the tray on her lap and got back to eating.

Thomas picked up his fork and copied the action.

Without much thought to his words, Thomas stared abruptly, "you're incredibly straightforward, Bonny."

Dorothy smiled and chuckled a bit to herself

"I love being horribly straightforward. I love making reckless actions and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolute magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying 'hug me harder' and 'you're a good person' and 'you brighten up my day'. I live my life as straightforward as possible.

"Because one day I might get hit by a train." Thomas raised a brow at her words.

"That's right. Maybe it's weird. Maybe it's scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be- to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them whether it's your feet on their thighs on the sofa or your arms around their waist or your heart in their hands.

"But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate. And there is nothing more risky than pretending to not care.

We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.

We never know when the train is coming."

Dorothy was now staring off a bit into the distance, her gaze transfixed on nothing in particular.

"That's uh-." Thomas started.

"-intense? a lot? I know. Before you came along, I had far too much time to think."

——

Their escapades of personal conversations ended for that day, but Thomas found himself thinking back to all the things she'd said. He liked her train analogy it sat well with him and he supposed in that moment he registered he fact that this girls mind goes far deeper than he imagined. She was insanely intelligent, not in a necessarily academic way, but more people smart. She understood people, maybe it was from the fact that she spent a long time just observing people.

But she kept saying those words, or they kept repeating in his head, "until you came along."

He thought about all the things that had changed for him since she'd come along.

He drank less. He frowned less. He started to smile more. He found his shoulders no longer held the tense knots that wove their way into his bone. He could finally stand himself!

It seemed that a lot had changed for her. He wasn't sure maybe what had changed, but he hoped it was good. He hoped that she was better. That she was happy. That maybe she too, could finally stand herself.

——

Dorothy and Thomas both found that they finally had something to look forward to. They woke up and stared at the clock waiting to be able to get a glimpse of each other.

But what Dorothy loved the most was Saturday nights. While most girls would probably go out to the town for a drink and dance, she probably would too except she lacked the former.

But now, she had something better than drinks and dancing. Saturday was the day where her patience was truly tested. On Saturdays, Thomas didn't visit on her lunch break, instead, he appeared in the evening and sat with her while she baked for the week. He just sat and sometimes they talked, and sometimes they sat in silence for hours; only the sound of Dorothy's quiet humming filling the air.

On the fifth week of their evening meetings, Thomas danced with her. Dorothy rifled through her collection and put on a slightly paced piece that Thomas remembered before the war.

Thomas, without much warning stood up with a slight joking groan as if his limbs ached from the sheer effort.

"C'mon Bonny, you can't put on a song like this and not expect me to ask you to dance." Thomas declared with a wide gesture which made Dorothy giggle slightly.

"Oh very well then. But I warn you, I'll show you up." She grinned cockily.

Thomas merely raised an eyebrow to challenge her, something he did quite often. Not because he doubted her, quite the contrary, but rather that he wanted to see just how far she could go.

Thomas took her hands and brought them closer to him. She put one hand on his shoulder and held his hand with hers. He rested a hand on her waist as he clutched her other hand. The two danced around the kitchen, as Thomas dipped her in the small glow of the furnace light.

She giggled each time he leant forward to support her as she leant back, he allowed the bow to go further and further until she was almost sure her back would break if she went any further, "Bubs, back up! My spine's gonna snap if you don't lift me back up!" She patted his shoulder desperately and held his hand tighter.

Thomas only tightened the hook he had around her waist and smiled with mischief in his eyes.

Finally relenting and pulling her back up to end the song.

The two parted ways when Dorothy had to take the last of the sweets out of the ovens. She had also made a habit of making extra Billion dollar  Bubs because she knew they were his favourite.

Once the night had ended and they'd eaten the extra food, a final song came on. A slow song. Thomas caught her eye with a lopsided grin and made a wild and dramatic gesture with a bow as he held his hand out for her to take.

Dorothy only shook her head as she took his hand and squealed a bit when he tugged her very close quite abruptly. Dorothy latched her arms around his neck and nestled her cheek to his chest as he attached his arms to her waist again.

She listened to his heartbeat and found it slow and relaxed. She hummed to the music feeling the tune reverberate through her ears. Thomas leaned his head forward and rested his chin on the top of her head. He sighed in content.

The two were an odd and unusual pair, but it was quickly established that the two might as well have been made for each other. She was a perfect source of warmth to his ice-like stares. He was a perfect sedative to the chaos in her mind.

The two could barely contain their anticipation for the next week or the next time they could see each other. Craving the others touch or scent or presence.

Watch carefully, the magic that occurs, when you give a person, just enough comfort, to be themselves.

——

SO MUCH FLUFF!

Thanks for the love.

Feedback and comments are wanted.

See ya next time!

[bechloeislegit]

BECA'S BIRTHDAY WISH

{I've done birthday one-shots for Chloe/Brittany Snow's birthday and decided I should give the other half of BeChloe a birthday shoutout. So, Happy Birthday, Beca/Anna Kendrick!}

Prompt: Beca's birthday is coming up, and she does not want to celebrate; her friends have other ideas.

~~ BECA'S BIRTHDAY WISH ~~

It was a beautiful, sunny day in Los Angeles and Beca had just returned from spending most of the morning in the studio working on the final song for her debut album. She completed everything on her part; the rest was up to Theo.

Beca walked in the door of her Penthouse apartment and made her way to the balcony. She detoured to the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and took it and her carry-out bag of Chinese out onto the balcony.

Beca took a deep breath as she stepped outside and set the bag and her beer on the small table. She took two steps and leaned her arms on the balcony railing to look out over the L.A. skyline. She had to admit the studio did provide her with a spectacular apartment and view. She had been in L.A. for seven months and was on schedule to release her first album in just a few months. She missed the Bellas, especially Amy and Chloe. She missed Chloe a lot more, but Amy didn't need to know that.

Beca had hoped that Amy and Chloe would move from their tiny New York apartment to L.A. with her. She asked them both, but they had other plans.

Amy, having discovered she had over one-hundred million dollars, decided to sail around the world on her brand new yacht. Chloe, much to Beca's dismay, had stayed behind in Europe to get to know the soldier that she had liked.

To this day, Beca is not sure how she made it seem that Chloe staying behind to be with some guy, didn't hurt, but it did. That's what happens when you don't tell the person you fell in love with that you are in love with them.

Beca was so lonely that she had tried to call Chloe after being in L.A. for less than a week. She tried several times over a few days, but Chloe never answered, and all Beca could think to do was leave a voicemail asking Chloe to call. She also texted Chloe a couple of times also asking for Chloe to call her. Chloe never did call.

Beca got busy but did send Chloe a Happy Birthday text and asked how she was doing. Again, nothing from Chloe. Beca decided Chloe was still in her honeymoon phase with her new boyfriend and stopped trying to reach out. She truly believed that Chloe would contact her once she was a bit more settled into a routine with her soldier boy. Chloe hasn't tried to contact her.

Every so often, Beca would think about Chloe and wonder why she hadn't returned her call or text. Beca was hurt by it and tried to forget about Chloe. Easier said than done.

Beca was brought out of her thoughts when she heard the distinctive ping of a Skype request from her laptop. She thought about ignoring it but thought it might be one of the Bellas, so she grabbed her beer and food and hurried inside to answer.

Beca smiled when she saw that Stacie was the one attempting to Skype.

"Hey, Stace," Beca said, smiling as soon as Stacie's face came onto the screen.

"Hey, Beca," Stacie said with a smile. "I have a surprise for you."

"Oh, God," Beca muttered. "You know I hate surprises."

"You'll love this one," Stacie said. "Aubrey and I are coming to L.A."

"What?" Beca said, sitting up straighter, unable to hide the excitement in her voice. "When? Why?

"We'll be arriving on the eighth of August and staying for two weeks. We are going to celebrate your birthday, too."

"You guys know I hate celebrating my birthday," Beca whined. "It's just another day."

"Hush, you," Stacie said. "My mom is taking Bella for two weeks so Aubrey and I can have some alone time. Neither one of us has been to L.A., so we decided to come there. Celebrating your birthday is part of our vacation plans."

"Okay, as long as it's just you two," Beca said. "You can stay here with me; I have plenty of room. I'll also see if I can take any time off and we can go sightseeing together."

"Make sure you're not working on your birthday," Stacie commanded. "You're ours for the whole day. We already have plans for you."

"Yes, ma'am," Beca said with a laugh.

Beca ended the call without telling Stacie she had already been given time off for her birthday since they were close to finishing her album.

~~ BECA'S BIRTHDAY WISH ~~

It was three days before Stacie and Aubrey were due to arrive, and Beca was talking to Stacie.

"How many bedrooms do you have?" Stacie asked.

"I have my Master Bedroom and two guest rooms," Beca said.

"Is there a hotel close to where you live?" Stacie asked, causing Beca to take a moment before saying anything.

"It is just you and Aubrey coming, right?" Beca asked, suspicious of the questions Stacie was asking. Stacie was silent on the other end of the phone. "Stacie?" Still no answer. "Dammit, Stacie, what did you do?"

Beca ran a hand through her hair as she waited for Stacie to say something.

"It wasn't me, okay?" Stacie said. "Brey was talking to Amy yesterday and told her we were going to L.A. for vacation; Amy guessed we were coming to see you. She also knew it was the same time as your birthday and before I knew it, she agreed to pay for all the Bellas to fly in for your birthday. I'm sorry, Beca."

"Tell them to cancel," Beca said. "I won't be here."

"Come on, Beca," Stacie said, pleadingly. "You said you weren't doing anything and we all miss you."

"Not all of you," Beca mumbled.

"What was that?" Stacie asked.

"Nothing," Beca said. "Look, Stacie, I'm serious. I won't be here. I'm going somewhere else, so tell everyone not to waste their money." Beca then mumbled, "Maybe I'll get my birthday wish while I'm gone."

"What's your birthday wish?" Stacie asked softly, having heard Beca's mumbling.

"I'm not telling you," Beca said with a sigh. "It makes me sound pathetic."

"Tell me anyway," Stacie said.

Beca didn't say anything, and the silence was becoming uncomfortable.

"Please tell me, Beca," Stacie finally said. "I won't think you're pathetic. I swear."

Beca sighed again and said, "Fine." She took a breath and quickly said, "My wish is to find someone who wants to be with me, so I don't feel so lonely all the time." Beca scoffed at her own words. "Happy now? Now you know the truth. I'm a pathetic lonely loser."

"You're not a loser," Stacie said. "And you're not pathetic."

"No, I'm the person who told two of her really good friends that she didn't want to celebrate her birthday, but agreed because she thought it was just going to be them," Beca said. "And now it's ALL the Bellas, and God knows what Amy has planned."

"Beca, I-"

"No," Beca interrupted. "I meant what I said, Stacie. Tell them to cancel their plans; that includes you and Aubrey. Because I won't be here."

Beca ended the call and threw her phone on the table. It immediately started ringing, and she ignored it. She grabbed her laptop and pulled up a travel website. She decided to go to New York, the last place she felt like her life was hers to control as she saw fit. She was serious when she told Stacie she wouldn't be in L.A.

Beca confirmed her airline and hotel reservations and set her laptop aside. She looked at her phone to see fifteen missed calls from Stacie, as well as five from Aubrey. She also had a few texts from Stacie and one from Aubrey.

Since she already knew what Stacie had to say, she read Aubrey's text.

Aubrey: Beca, I'm sorry. I didn't know Amy was going to call all the Bellas and get them to come to L.A. I don't know how she got them to agree on such short notice. I tried to get Amy to cancel and abide by your wishes to not make a big deal out of your birthday, but everyone was so excited about seeing you. Please call me so we can talk about this.

Beca read the text a few times before she texted Aubrey a one-word response.

Beca: No.

~~ BECA'S BIRTHDAY WISH ~~

Beca, expecting Aubrey and Stacie to show up before they were scheduled to arrive, left for New York the next day.

Beca landed and took a taxi to her hotel. She noticed that Theo had texted her about thirty minutes before she checked her phone. She couldn't help the laugh that escaped her throat when she saw his message.

Theo: I have two furious Bellas in my office right now. What should I tell them?

Beca had been right, and they had flown out to L.A. today. She almost felt bad about doing the same. Almost.

Beca: Are they still with you? If so, tell them I went on a mini-vacation and you don't know where I am.

Theo: They are sitting across from my desk glaring at me. I told them I didn't know where you were and they don't believe me.

Beca sighed and chewed her bottom lip. She had purposely not told Theo where she was going in case this happened. She took a moment before replying.

Beca: Take them to my apartment and let them stay there. I'm going to grab some dinner and do a little sightseeing. Tell them I'll call them and not to call me. Okay?

Theo: Okay, got it.

Beca thought about leaving her phone in her room while she went to dinner, but thought better of it. Theo may need to reach her.

Beca spent two days doing the tourist thing. She went to some of the sights she hadn't visited while living in New York.

Beca still hadn't called Stacie or Aubrey and decided she'd call them the day after her birthday.

The night before her birthday, Beca was restless, so she left her hotel around ten to walk around hoping to tire herself out enough to be able to sleep. She was not too far from the old apartment that she had shared with Amy and Chloe, so Beca walked to it. She stood on the sidewalk across the street from the building, looking up at it. She wondered who lived in the apartment now. She hoped whoever they were, that they were making memories like she did with her Chloe. And Amy, of course.

Beca sat on a bench as she continued to stare at the building. She thought back on some of the memories she had with Chloe.

"Come on, Beca," Chloe said. "It's our first Halloween in New York. We have to go out in costume."

Beca laughed softly, remembering how Chloe had convinced her and Amy to dress up as The Bangles. Beca shook her head as she recalled how Chloe got them free drinks by agreeing to have them sing "Eternal Flame" on the karaoke stage.

Their first Christmas together was almost a disaster. Chloe wanted to go home to Tampa to see her newest niece but wasn't able to save enough money. Her folks didn't know Chloe was having money problems; she told them that she was staying in New York, so Beca didn't have to spend Christmas alone. Amy was going to spend Christmas in Australia.

The day after Thanksgiving, they did what they could to decorate the apartment, but it was sparse. Beca was bummed because Chloe was bummed about missing out on her niece's first Christmas.

About two weeks before Christmas, Beca's dad called and asked her what she wanted. At first, Beca was going to tell them she didn't want anything. Then she got an idea.

"I want a favor," Beca said.

"A favor?" her dad asked.

"Yeah," Beca said. "Um, I'll come home for Christmas if you can buy my ticket and float me a loan for another ticket."

"You want to bring Chloe home with you for Christmas?"

"What? Um, how did you know it was for Chloe?"

"Just a hunch," her father said with a chuckle.

"Well, um, yes and no," Beca said. She explained to her dad about Chloe wanting to see her niece but couldn't afford to go home. "So, I thought I'd give her the ticket for Christmas. I'm a little tight for cash to do it myself."

"That's very nice of you, Beca," her dad said.

"Thanks," Beca said. "So, does that mean you'll loan me the money for Chloe's ticket?"

"No," her dad responded. Before Beca could say anything, he quickly said, "I will buy both tickets, and that will be my gift to you."

Beca took a deep breath. "Thanks, dad. I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome," her dad said. "See you in two weeks."

Her dad came through for her, and Beca had the tickets a few days later. Beca insisted that Chloe open her gift early. Beca will never forget the look of pure joy on Chloe's face when Chloe opened her gift and found the ticket.

~~ BECA'S BIRTHDAY WISH ~~

Beca checked her phone and saw a few missed texts from Aubrey and Stacie. She decided to call Stacie, figuring it was the lesser of two evils.

"You are in big trouble, Beca," Stacie said as she answered Beca's call.

"I told you I wouldn't be there," Beca said. "Not my fault you didn't listen."

"We're sorry," Stacie said. "How many times do I need to say it? We miss you; so do the rest of the Bellas. We wanted to celebrate your birthday with you."

"Enjoy your alone time with Aubrey," Beca said. "You can stay at my place for the two weeks you're there. I'll be back before you're gone. But celebrating my birthday is off-limits. If not, I'll extend my stay until after you're gone."

"Beca," Stacie said.

"Beca, you listen to me," Aubrey cut in. "What the Hell is wrong with you? You're friends tell you they're coming to see you and you leave. Who-"

Beca hung up on Aubrey. "I'll pay for that later," Beca mumbled to herself as she turned off her phone.

Beca noticed that it was already after 11:00 pm. She took one more look at the building and decided to go grab a late bite at the 24-hour diner she, Chloe, and Amy loved to spend their Sunday mornings. It was close, it had good food, and it was cheap — three of their favorite reasons to do anything.

Beca jaywalked across the street and took one more look at their old building. The diner was two blocks away, and Beca arrived in no time.

The bell on the door tinkled as she entered and Beca couldn't help but smile at the memories the sound brought to mind. Beca looked around and noticed how everything looked exactly the same. The hostess walked up, and before Beca could say anything, she saw the distinctive red hair of her possibly ex-best friend.

"Chloe?" Beca said without thinking.

"Oh, you want to sit in Chloe's section?" the hostess asked with a smile.

"Um, yes, please," Beca said. "Thank you."

Beca watched as Chloe moved back and forth between the counter and the tables. She was thankful Chloe hadn't been paying attention when she entered.

The hostess led Beca to a table and handed her a menu; Beca held it up to cover her face. She looked over the top as she watched Chloe moving back and forth.

Beca took a breath and laid the menu down when she saw Chloe walking over to her table, her head down as she wrote on her order book.

"Hi, I'm Chloe, may I take-. Beca? Wh-what are you doing here?"

"Hey, Chlo," Beca said. "I should be asking you the same thing."

"I'm working," Chloe said. "So, if you'd like to order…"

"Chloe?" Beca asked, sadly. "Talk to me."

"I said I'm working," Chloe said, her voice tight. "If you'll excuse me, I have to pick up some orders."

Chloe turned to walk away, and Beca jumped up and grabbed her arm. "NO! You do not get to walk away from me without an explanation."

Tears sprang to Chloe's eyes, and a manager hurried over. "Is everything okay here?"

"My apologies," Beca said, looking at the manager. "I didn't mean to cause a scene." Beca let go of Chloe's arm she hadn't realized she was still holding. She lowered her voice and asked, "Can Chloe take a break? Chloe and I are old friends, and we had a disagreement. We really need to talk."

"I can't, Beca," Chloe whimpered.

Tears stung Beca's eyes. She turned to the manager and said, "I'm not leaving until she talks to me. Chloe and I lost touch, and I don't know why. I'll pay or do whatever it takes if you'll give Chloe a break so I can talk to her. Please?"

"Take your dinner break, Chloe," the manager said with a smile. "You're covered."

"Thank you," Beca said quickly. "Chloe? Please? Just fifteen minutes is all I'm asking."

Chloe wrapped her arms around herself and looked down at the ground. She nodded and said, "Follow me."

Chloe moved past Beca and Beca turned to follow. Chloe went to the back and through a door that said Employees Only. Chloe turned into what looked like the employee's break room and sat at one of the tables. Beca joined her.

Chloe sat, fidgeting in her chair for about ten minutes. Beca watched her, waiting for her to say something. She was a bit startled when Chloe finally spoke.

"I'm sorry," Chloe said as tears ran down her face.

"Okay," Beca said. "But what are you sorry for? Ignoring my calls and texts? Or because you ghosted everyone and didn't tell anyone you were back in New York?"

"For everything," Chloe said.

Beca sat and looked at Chloe. "What's going on with you, Chloe? What's wrong? What happened?"

"Nothing," Chloe said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"I've known you for almost eight years, Chlo," Beca said softly. "I can tell when something's wrong."

Chloe didn't say anything and just looked at Beca.

"Okay, answer me this," Beca said. "Why did you shut everyone out? Aubrey? The Bellas? Me? That's my M.O., and it doesn't look good on you."

Chloe still didn't say anything and looked down at the table. Beca let out a sigh.

"If I did something to hurt you, or make you mad at me, please tell me so I can fix it," Beca said with a hitch in her throat. She wiped at a tear. "I miss you, Chloe. I miss my best friend."

Chloe let out a small sob, and Beca got out of her chair and wrapped Chloe in a hug. Chloe put her arms around Beca's waist and cried into her chest.

Beca held Chloe, relishing in the redhead being in her arms again. She let Chloe cry herself out before pulling back to look down at her.

"Want to talk now?" Beca asked. "We can start slow and work up to the big stuff. Why don't you tell me about vet school? Is Chicago here, too?"

Chloe was shaking her head no. "I'm, um, not in vet school."

"What?" Beca asked, surprised. "You were so excited about getting in."

"I know," Chloe said. "But, um, I turned down the acceptance."

"Okay, now I'm really confused," Beca said as she pulled her chair closer to Chloe and sat down. "Why would you do that?"

"I thought I was staying in Spain with Chicago," Chloe said.

"And you didn't?"

"No. I left a week after everyone else did."

"You've been back in New York for almost eight months?"

Chloe nodded and wiped the tears from her cheek.

"But, you said you were staying with him in Spain. We all thought it was permanent because you seemed so sure about him."

Chloe let out a humorless laugh. "He didn't want anything permanent. He just wanted someone to warm his bed until he found someone else. I was stupid enough to think he wanted something more with me. I dumped my whole life back here to be with him."

Chloe's eyes flared with residual anger. Beca had never seen Chloe this angry.

"So, Chicago's not here with you?" Beca was almost afraid to ask.

"God, no," Chloe said. "I realized after a few days that he wasn't the one for me. I couldn't get a flight home for a couple of days after that."

"Why didn't you tell anyone you were coming back?"

"Amy told me she paid the rent on the apartment for a year, so if I ever wanted to go back, I had a place to stay. So, I figured no one needed to know I was back. I wasn't ready to see or talk to anyone."

Beca sat there, stunned. "Why?"

"I was embarrassed," Chloe said. "I made such a big deal about how Chicago was such a great guy and perfect for me. And he wasn't. I had only known him for a few days, but I thought I could move on with him."

"Move on from what?" Beca asked.

Chloe swallowed and looked at Beca. A tear ran down her cheek as she quietly said, "You."

"Me?" Beca asked, incredulously. "Why would you need to move on from me? I thought we were-." Beca stopped and stared into Chloe's eyes before quietly saying, "I thought we were best friends."

"We were," Chloe said. "That was the problem."

"I'm still confused," Beca said, shaking her head.

"Becs," Chloe said, her voice quiet. "I didn't want to be your best friend."

Beca's mouth opened as if to say something, but Chloe put her fingers to Beca's lips to stop her.

"I wanted to be more," Chloe added, taking Beca's hands in hers. She bit her lip and studied Beca's face.

Beca swallowed and let out a small sob as she smiled. "Why didn't you say anything? I've been killing myself wondering what I did to make you not want to be around me."

"I'm sorry for that," Chloe said. "I couldn't stand the idea of just being your friend who moved to L.A. with you. I wanted to be your girlfriend who moved to L.A. with you. I didn't think you wanted that with me."

"I did want that with you," Beca said softly. "I still do."

Beca and Chloe stared at each other and slowly leaned toward the other. Their lips connected in a soft, chaste kiss as they sat holding hands as their knees bumped each other.

They broke the kiss, both smiling.

"Will you come to L.A. with me?" Beca asked. "We can figure out later about the friend versus girlfriend thing."

"I will go to L.A. with you, on one condition," Chloe said.

"What's that?"

"I go as your girlfriend," Chloe said, a hopeful look on her face.

"I totes agree with your condition," Beca said and leaned in for another kiss.

Beca broke the kiss and saw the time on a clock behind Chloe and her smile widened. "Looks like I got my birthday wish."

"Oh, my God," Chloe said. "It's your birthday. We'll have to celebrate."

"I thought we were," Beca said as she leaned in and kissed Chloe again.

"Chloe, you can-" Beca and Chloe broke apart from their kiss. "Oh, sorry," her manager said not even trying to hide his smile. "Chloe, I just wanted to let you know you can clock out. It's quiet, and it looks like you have other plans anyway."

Beca and Chloe both blushed slightly.

"Thanks, Joe," Chloe said. "Oh, and sorry for such short notice but I quit. I'm moving to L.A. with my girlfriend."

~~ BECA'S BIRTHDAY WISH ~~

Beca and Chloe walked hand-in-hand back to Beca's apartment. Once they were inside, Beca asked Chloe how long it would take her to pack her stuff.

"I only have my clothes," Chloe said. "Why?"

"Fly to L.A. with me today," Beca said. "I'll book us a flight, and we can be back in time to celebrate my birthday with the Bellas."

"The Bellas are in L.A.?" Chloe asked. "So, why are you here?"

"Long story," Beca said. "I can tell you on the plane."

"Let's see if we can get seats," Chloe said, pulling up her laptop.

They found a flight and made their reservations. Beca helped Chloe pack up two suitcases, and they went to sleep for a couple of hours, snuggled together on the pull-out sofa bed.

When they woke, they got ready and went to Beca's hotel to get Beca packed. They were both tired but managed to finish and took a cab to the airport.

After checking their bags, they grabbed a quick bite. Both were yawning as they waited for their plane.

"I'm sleeping the whole way on the plane," Beca mumbled.

"Me, too," Chloe said, trying to stifle another yawn.

Beca had another idea and pulled out her phone and called Theo. After making some arrangements, Beca ended the call.

"What was all that?" Chloe asked.

"Theo is going to take the Bellas out to celebrate my birthday without me," Beca said. "Only, they're going to be celebrating with both of us. I just hope our flight is on time."

~~ BECA'S BIRTHDAY WISH ~~

A car was waiting for Beca just as Theo had promised. Beca and Chloe were both feeling rested, having slept most of the way on the flight.

The driver put their luggage in the trunk and drove them to the restaurant Theo was taking the Bellas. Beca texted Theo and was told that all the Bellas were there.

"Showtime," Beca said, taking Chloe's hand and leading her into the restaurant.

Theo met them at the entrance and walked them back to the private room where the Bellas were waiting.

"Here goes nothing," Beca said, and the trio walked in.

"Chloe?"

"Beca?"

"Oh, my God," Aubrey squealed and ran over to hug Chloe.

Stacie was the first to Beca, whispering "Happy Birthday!" as she pulled her into a hug.

The rest of the Bellas rushed over and got in on the hugs.

"I can't believe you're here," Aubrey said, still holding onto Chloe. "I've missed you."

"I missed you, too," Chloe said and looked around. "I missed all of you."

Theo managed to get everyone seated again, and everyone ordered their food.

"I thought you weren't going to celebrate your birthday," Stacie said to Beca.

"Well, my birthday wish came true," Beca said, looking at Chloe.

"What?" Stacie said, smiling. "Really? When and how did this happen?"

"What are you talking about?" Jessica asked.

"Yeah," Ashley said. "What happened?"

Chloe apologized for ghosting everyone and then told them all about what happened with Chicago and her moving back to New York.

Beca then told how she left LA. to avoid celebrating her birthday and found Chloe working in a diner in New York. And, that she asked Chloe to move to L.A. as her girlfriend, and they were now together.

There was a stunned silence for about thirty seconds before the girls started cheering and laughing. Then questions were thrown at them left and right. Beca looked at Chloe and smiled. Chloe leaned in and kissed her.

"Happy Birthday, Becs," Chloe said. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

__________________________________________________________________

A/N: This was supposed to be posted on August 9 (for Anna Kendrick's birthday). I had initially ended it with Beca finding Chloe and them making up. But, on Anna's birthday, I saw the IG and Twitter pics of Chrissie Fit and Kelly Jakle out celebrating Anna's birthday with her, so I decided to change the ending to have Beca celebrate with the Bellas. I hope you enjoyed it.

[astrochiron]

the signs :: blond(e) // frank ocean

Aries- Solo (Reprise)

“After 20 years in, I'm so naïve I was under the impression

That everyone wrote they own verses

It's comin' back different and, yeah, that shit hurts me [...}

Was I working just way too hard?”

This is definitely a question any Aries has asked themselves before. They tend to work for work’s sake and often don't take the time to cherish in their accomplishments and, like Andre is referring to, they often don't pay attention to their peers when doing their own thing.

“So low that I am no rookie but feel like a kid

Lookin' at the other kids”

Aries, while independent and fiery, is still the first sign of the zodiac. The rookie, the novice, and kid can all be associated with his sign. Andre is equating himself to a beginner because he’s not certain if the music work works the way he thought it did when he first started.

Overall

The song represents the independence of Aries, even as simply as the name of the song being “Solo”. Andre’s personal offense to the way the rap game has changed exhibits an Aries’ stubbornness, not usually talked about; Aries aren't noted for their evolutions. The song also reflects on his hard work.

Taurus- Futura Free

“I'd say long as I could fuck three times a day

And not skip a meal, I'm good”

Must I explain? Why not: Tauruses love food, sex, and money; things that bring physical pleasure. Frank wants these daily and on a good schedule.

“I ain't on your schedule

I ain't on no schedule

I ain't had me a job since 2009

I ain't on no sales floor”

Taurus is known for doing things on their own time and with their own energy. Frank is asserting his financial independence as well as his freedom to do what the wants, when he wants, how he wants; and still make money: a Taurean dream.

Overall

Frank can now use his natural talent to financially support himself. Taurus rules our natural gifts as well as our finances and it just so happens that Frank’s former supports his latter. As for tone, he begins to cuss a lot about midway in the song, obviously venting his frustrations with people’s attitudes toward his success.

Gemini- Skyline To

“It begins to blur, we get older (Blur!)

Summer's not as long as it used to be

Everyday counts like crazy (Smoke, haze)”

Gemini is associated with youth and the flightiness of its ruling planet, Mercury. This verse captures that youth and the carefree spirit of a Gemini, as well as the changeable spirit of Mercury.

“This is joy, this is summer

Keep alive, stay alive”

This line captures the dichotomy of summer in Frank’s world; fun and deadly. While kids are off of school and the vibe is more laid back, the summer leads to spikes in deaths, especially in the urban Black community. Gemini can understand and embody both the dire and joyous sides to this topic, as well as most topics.

Overall

This song seems to be an exercise in steam of consciousness. It can be interpreted as the mental happenings during sex: observations about their surroundings, scatterbrained feelings and disconnected ideas. Frank is known for this but this song is heavy on wordplay, a Gemini's wet dream.

Cancer- Ivy

“When we both know that deep down

The feeling still deep down is good”

This represents the memory-based experience of a Cancer. They tend to experience their memories vividly and may live in them sometimes. Even if the relationship went bad, Frank still take solace in the feelings the memories give him.

“If I could see through walls, I could see you're faking

If you could see my thoughts, you would see our faces”

Cancers are very perceptive and, as such are able to see through he emotional barriers people place around themselves. Frank was saying if he cared to look through the other guy’s walls it’d be obvious that he was faking the love he felt. If the other guy cared to look behind his walls, he would have seen just how much he liked the other guy.

Overall

This is a very reflective, memory-oriented song. It’s bad reflection though, like things he should have done better in the relationship. All the Cancers I know love to stew in the memories of their past mistakes and brood. I believe Ivy is Frank’s song to stew to.

Leo- Godspeed

“I will always love you how I do”

Leos have very big hearts and the sign is even associated with the heart. Their love is powerful and maybe even eternal. It also demonstrates the individuality of a Leo’s expression. Frank will always love the subject, just in his own way. 

“I let go of my claim on you

It's a free world”

While Leos are often looked at as fun, joyous, and creative, it is often forgotten that they are one of the more possessive and intense signs. Frank once held a claim on this person, whether verbal or emotional, that he is now letting go.

Overall

Leos love to love. Leo rules the fifth house which includes falling in love and I think Godspeed demonstrates the most innocent (Leo) love; the unconditional variety. The song itself (see Genius) is Frank talking to himself as a child and Leo rules our own inner-child.

Virgo- Pink + White 

“Glory from above

Regard, my dear

It's all downhill from here”

This reflects the rather cynical view Virgos have. In his mind, the relationship has reached perfection, an important ideal for Virgos, and, as such, its only downhill from here.

“That's the way every day goes

Every time we've no control”

Another tenet for Virgos; constant and tenuous work. Virgos often may feel as if they are slaves to their sense of duty, playing the same routine daily.

Overall

Beyoncé provided backing vocals and Michael Jackson was mentioned; both of them prolific Virgo artists. The song also gives me “pure” vibes with Beyoncé’s vocals

Libra- Close to You

“I'll be honest, I wasn't devastated

But you could've held my hands through this, baby”

While Libra’s are associated with relationships, they truly just enjoy reciprocity and for someone to return their energy. For Frank, the break up didn't devastate him, as Libras are actually usually nonplussed. Frank probably did feel a little sad though, and was disappointed that the other person didn't seem to care at all.

“Just like mine, versions of these belong to you

After a while, they're keeping me close to you”

Much like Cancer, I find Libras sometimes let their memories of someone overtake the things that actually happened. Either way, their memories are all they have now and they are the only people who have them; very one-on-one and personal.

Overall

The song reflects on a relationship once it's over. It explores how the perceptions of the lover are brought up as subjective memories that you hold onto post-break up; Libras are big on perceptions. The whole song is a cover of a very love-oriented song “Close to You” by Stevie Wonder (A Taurus with a Libra Ascendant).

Scorpio- Nights

“Although you got beaucoup family

You don't even got nobody being honest with you

[...]

I don't trust 'em anyways

You can't break the law with them”

These lines suggest a deep level of mistrust, even amongst family and close friends. No on his being honest with the person in question and honesty (especially self-honesty) is a very important tenet for Scorpios.

“Did you call me from a séance?

You are from my past life

Hope you're doing well bruh”

Pluto rules Scorpio and both are associated with death. Though Frank is talking about someone being “dead to him”, it still evokes the same finality. Scorpios are very cut-and-dry when it comes to relationships, especially if someone has proven untrustworthy or non-loyal.

Overall

The vibe of the song reminded me of meeting a Scorpio. It starts off as a rap song with a wall up and with a point to make, but then turns into a vulnerable slow r&b track. This exhibits the evolution A Scorpio is known for.

Sagittarius- Solo

“We too loud in public, them police turned down the function

Now we outside and the timing's perfect

Forgot to tell you, gotta tell you how much I vibe with you

And we don't gotta be solo”

This whole mini-stanza makes me picture a Sagittarius and his potential love interest leaving a club at 3 am, likely high on some upper, and he’s spouting a whole bunch of romantic shit he doesn't mean and is talking loud and optimistically because he’s drunk. I clearly see this.

“It's hell on Earth and the city's on fire

Inhale, in hell there's heaven”

Though typically associated with Pisces, escapism is a scourge that plagues Sagittarius too. where Pisces may use drugs to mask pain and numb sensitivity, Sag uses drugs to escape reality when their optimistic views don't match the world around them. When you inhale, even in hell, you'll find heaven.

Overall

This song is big on loneliness just like “Solo (Reprise)”. In my opinion, Sag is the loneliest sign. Theres independent Aries and above-all Capricorn, but Sag is the lone thinker and the solo philosopher; their own ideas and problems keeping them company as the world shifts around them. Frank goes on a trip to his lover's city and is metaphorically and literally escaping being “solo” in number as well as "so low" in emotion.

Capricorn- Nikes

“These bitches want Nikes

They looking for a check

Tell 'em it ain’t likely”

Yes, Capricorns are money oriented, but that's not what I'm referring to here. Capricorn is the father of the zodiac ands s such, it places a certain level of responsibility on herself, allowing others to dot he same too. These people (likely groupies) are looking for Frank to buy them real Nikes and other lavish things but he isn't their father; it’s not looking likely. 

“We'll let you guys prophesy

We gon' see the future first”

The future is the most important thing to a Capricorn. Frank is saying that he’s gonna let the people around him hem and haw about the future while he is going to grab it by the horns and make his own. Caps really like control and really like being in the know so Frank would prefer to make the future instead of prophesying about how it may be.

Overall

This track concerns searching for fame and money without finding worth and meaning in it. The groupies, worries, and expectations are trying to bring you down. He also talks about how he is in control of his own music and destiny.

Aquarius- Self Control

“I came to visit, 'cause you see me like a UFO

That's like never, 'cause I made you use your self-control”

UFOs are definitely Aquarian territory. That aside, this line shows that the two of them were slowly falling apart. There seems to be a level of isolation in the relationship as well as a disconnection. Aquarians are quite literally living in their own world and, if you've not been granted access, you can't expect to form or nurture any connections. 

“Sometimes you'll miss it

And the sound will make you cry

And some nights you're dancing

With tears in your eyes”

This bridge reminds me of the emotional constraint that Aquarians place on themselves. Something as general as a familiar sound can make them cry because the wound of the relationship was never healed. Other times, you’re going to be fighting the sadness so hard, that even when you’re having fun, you can't get away from your actual feelings.

Overall

He wrote this song about a relationship where he and his partner were in different places in their lives. “It was mutual, it was just we couldn’t really relate. We weren’t really on the same wavelength," Frank said. Aquarians are rarely on the same wavelength as their peers and this is often the case of friction in their relationships.

Pisces- Seigfried

“Dreaming a thought that could dream about a thought That could think of the dreamer that thought That could think of dreaming and getting a glimmer of God I be dreaming of dreaming a thought That could dream about a thought That could think of dreaming a dream Where I cannot, where I cannot”

Let me know if I need to explain this at all because... wow.

“(In the dark)

I'd do anything for you

(In the dark)

I'd do anything for you”

This part of the song is repeated like a mantra and it exhibits the propensity of Pisces to give their all to those they care about. The “in the dark” line exemplifies the hidden and secret aspect of Pisces. When you have a Pisces in your corner, thy will literally do whatever for you and they’d prefer you give them no recognition. In fact, they may do little nice things fro you in secret, preferring to be a quiet benefactor.

Overall

This is another break-up song and Pisces is associated with the end of things. Additionally, nirvana (the state of hyper consciousness and spiritual connection with the Universe) is mentioned, which is Piscean. The whole vibe of the song Is dream like and, as mentioned above, many of the lyrics are associated with dreams, being asleep, and connections with God.

check your moon sign (for the song that makes you comfortable and puts you in your emotions), sun sign (the song that makes you happy and the one you ride around to) and venus sign (the one that speaks to your inner artist). the whole album is a no-skip™ for me. treat yo self.

[allsystemsarenotgo]

A friend and I were talking one day, and she shared this with me.

She was much like me, raised with a quarter between the knees, terrified of the things we were taught to avoid and trying to live reasonably noble lives. She wasn't allowed Birth Control for religious reasons (pro-life) as well as to prevent enablism. Her family was much more religious than mile, though I still went to church during my Sophomore, Junior, and Senior years of high school.

She married a guy 10 years older than herself, who was a long-time routine customer of her family's business. They married right after she graduated high school, long before she applied to higher education.

She is a nurse now. She has 3 kids, works long hours at a hospital, and her husband is a successful farmer as he always has been. She struggled at times, but she made it through.

She knows life would have been easier without the first child, but she was innocent and naiive and I think she realizes that she jumped in the deep end of the pool before learning how to swim.

I did the same thing.

All through high school I pledged to abstinence until marriage. I hated everything to do with sex. The topic, the drama, the action, the result. I wanted nothing to do with it.

But I also never dated through grade school at all. I never had a girlfriend. Plenty of crushes (M.S. above being one of them), but just as many denials. Because I didn't drink, smoke, do drugs, have FFA animals, or play athletics, I also wasn't a member of any social group. I was always the kid in the corner of the cafeteria scarfing food down in 5 minutes and sleeping the other 20, or asking to go to a teacher's classroom, where it was serene and quiet.

My freshman year of college, I even wrote an essay on abstinents for English class. That really didn't go over well in regards to having to read it out loud. There might as well have been fruit flying at me.

My dorm was set up such that we had 3 private bedrooms that shared a living space and bathroom. One of the roommates always had girls over, and he never tried to be quiet (or if he did, he failed...badly).

So those two things were my indoctrination to college life. Getting judged and leered at for writing an abstinence essay, and having to listen to a roommate multiple times a week.

Towards the very end of my freshman year, a girl from high school messaged me. We started talking, and she admitted that she had always had a crush on me and was too shy to ever say anything.

Error #1: For no good reason whatsoever, I agreed to formulate a relationship with this female

So when I moved home from the dorms, I hung out with the lass a few times, but my parents were moving out of the country and closer to my school, so I could live at home. That meant that this would now be a 1.5-hour-each-way medium-distance relationship.

So every 4th or 6th weekend during the remainder of that summer and into the fall semester, I would drive up and spend a day with her. Sometimes, I would drive her out of the country and into the city to give her a glimpse of escape (it was very impoverished where we grew up).

Error #2: Doing whatever made her happy

I really enjoyed the time that we spent together. She got me a purity necklace for Christmas that year. She said she understood that my preference meant something to me.

But then, something changed. She would start dropping enuindos and jokes and send me photos that I didn't ask for.

Error #3: Not standing up for myself

She said that I meant something to her, and asked me if she meant something to me. At the time, I did not comprehend that as a trap...but I wanted to make her happy, so I said "yes".

The next thing I know, she is booking a hotel for us for Valentine's day. Wherein, I learned a thing or two or five or ten that I really wasn't interested in learning in the first place.

-Provides Clorox to help scrub the thoughts from your mind-

After that, she wanted me to come see her more and more often. But I was tied up with school and life.

Mind you, we usually had a phone call every night, or at least every other night. Same time, right before bed. Sometimes we would fall asleep on the phone with eachother.

Error #4: Accepting anything as fact

Well one night, I called her, and she answered...but it was noisy in the background, like she was driving. But she never talked while driving, and wouldn't answer the phone with family in the car.

She said she was in a friend's car and they were going to the beach for the night, which was completely reasonable for the time of year and her group of friends. She cut the conversation short saying they had arrive, so we bid our greeting. But she didn't hang up, and something told me that I shouldn't either. So I didn't.

"Who was that?"

"Don't mind him. He was just calling to check on me. He's controlling like that."

"He sounds like a jerk"

"Enough about him. He won't do this."

-Provides more clorox-

And that's how I found out that her primal needs were more important than our "relationship".

Unfortunately, shortly after I broke up with her, I was sent a photo of her quite visibly pregnant. Fortunately, the timetable did not add up to Valentine's day (aside of the fact that it was physically/biologically 95% impossible).

That summer, I started a job at the student newspaper. Right off the bat, one of the graphic artists and I got along very well. We spent way too much time at work talking to eachother and goofing off, instead of working. Enough so that our boss took notice and things got tense for a bit with him. We still cranked out work no problem, but we were both too young to understand workplace policy and procedure when it comes to "dating but not dating", which is basically exactly what we were doing. We spent alot of time together. I would go to her dorm after class and we would watch movies and just goof off or do whatever. We enjoyed time together.

Error #1: So cliché. So, so cliché.

So Valentine's day rolls around, and she asks 'the question'.

So something in biology: There is a term called "Once an animal has the taste of blood, they will always hunt for it." Unfortunately, humans can sometimes be considered a sub-species of the animal kingdom.

Like the dumbass that I am, I accept to the terms and conditions.

And at the end of the night, she asks: "So are we officially dating now?"

"I...I guess?", I answered nervously.

Errors #2 to #457: Not escaping

And just like that, I was suckered into nearly 2.5 years of having a FWB while having to, very creatively at times, mask it as a legitimate relationship.

We enjoyed the time we spent together.

We enjoyed going places together.

My mum liked her, her parents liked me. (Dad was skeptical at best and thought I could do better)

The small issue: I struggled to communicate at times. I didn't know how to find my voice, so there were times that I would have to text her how I felt. Sometimes I would hide in a corner just so I could cry. (I later learned of my autism, and it all made sense and I learned how to resolve this)

The big issue: I was completely burned out on intimacy. After almost 2.5 years of emulating laboratory rabbits, I was done. My usefulness had expired.

The biggest issue: We were both suffering academically. We had no common interests at all anymore, and we had put eachother ahead of our own academics so much that we were both risking academic expulsion.

So we mutually agreed to break up.

She dropped out of university (and never went back or finished her schooling), and I changed majors twice before getting my Bachelor of Science.

My first relationship lasted from June 2009 to April 2010.

My second "relationship" lasted from February 2011 until May 2012 (Although we started spending time together in significant amounts starting August 2010)

I have not had a girlfriend since May 2012.

I had one friend in my senior year of college, who gave me some non-physical affection while also keeping me firmly locked in the friendzone. But quality time, by itself, only goes so far.

I have not had any physical affection since May 2012.

I have not spent quality time with a female since May 2013.

For most of that time, from May 2013 to August 2019, I really didn't mind it at all. I have been so tied up in working, hobbies, and life in general, that I completely ignored women.

But as my birthday loomed near in October 2019, it donned on me....I was on a crash course to being eternally lonely.

So I have tried online dating. I have gone on a few first dates, but no second dates.

Sometimes, I want to give up. The fight just doesn't seem worth the reward.

And honestly?

Sometimes I feel exactly like my friend's remarks at the top of this post. Sometimes I wish I would have been a little more rebellious, a little more care-free, a little more out-there.

But at the same time, ...

Sometimes I wish that neither relationship would have ever happened.

That I would have never learned the true definition of intimacy.

That I would have never done whatever it took to make the other person happy.

That I wouldn't have been such an easy push-over.

That I would have stuck to my initial pledge in life

That I would have spoke up more and defended myself.

All I am now, is damaged product.

I don't truly know how to love.

I don't truly know how to feel.

I don't truly know how to be myself.

I don't truly know how to be intimate.

I am human, I am male, so of course I have my moments. But I don't want that to be the reason for a relationship. I want it to be the least-important factor, or not a factor at all.

I want a relationship founded on trust, honesty, fortitude, common interests, personality, maybe even a little faith.

Not intimacy.

I just want to not be invisible, or to only have one attribute visible.

I want to be seen for all the other attributes.

I am not A-sexual. I still feel emotions and feelings. I just don't want to let them out of the locked box which contains them. Not without lots of context and preparedness.