#ugh i dont even know him that well but whenever we talk its always chill and hes just Super nice to be around. and hes the exact type of

[druckers]

at the end of the day im still down bad for a straight dude 💔

[simluvbot]

Enhypen as dates they would take you on <3

tags: gn!reader, established relationship au, fluff, bf! enha

members: all members !!

wc: 400-800ish for each member ?? this is very long uh I’m sorry I got carried away

a/n: hi, welcome to my first piece of writing on this blog 😁😁 I tried to write so that these matched the members and their personalities the most! Also as this is my first post any interaction is so cherished 🥺 but anyways,, I hope you enjoy :D

open to read

Heeseung

he would take you to so many fun places!!

Your dates would consist of going bowling together, theme parks, a walk in the park — you can count on having a fun time with heeseung!

He would just want to impress you );

He’s be always so attentive to you and remember even the littlest of details about you

You’d be in a shop together looking around and he’ll tap your shoulder, showing you a lace shirt that you instantly fall in love with

It’s just your style!

You’d ask him how he knew you would like it, to which he would simply mumble  with, “you told me a few months ago that you like shirts like this.”

You’d just stand in shock like :ooo

Not even you remember telling him that ):

Please he loves you so much, if it’s something that you tell him you like or don’t like, he’ll immediately store it in his memory! He wants to know so much more about you 🥺

Your dates are definitely what you look forward to whenever you see him!!

As much as you love fun day outs with him, you also love your chiller night dates at him <3

Meeting each other late at night after practice? A must!! No way can you let your hee go home alone when he’s the last leaving the practice room after a long day ):<

You would often surprise him by showing up at belift at ungodly hours, and as much as he would scold you with a light frown for coming to see him when it’s already half past midnight,,

You still always catch that small little smile he has whenever you do surprise him hehe

to be aware of just the fact that youre there? is enough for him. you ground him and its especially those spontaneous dates youll throw upon him and inevitably show him without the words uttered that you care for him and you love him? 

those are secretley his fave (: but he doesnt have to tell you that - youve already guessed :D

But at the same time on those late night after-practice dates he just wants to make sure that you’re not staying up too late all the time just to make sure he’s doing okay after practice, his y/nnie needs their sleep too ):

And what you’ll do together? Eat ramen of course!!

Although these little late night dates with him usually dont last no longer than an hour, he still treasures them so dearly in his heart ):

Hee sometimes needs a lot of love and assurance, even if he doesn’t mention it

And you’re the best at making him feel better instantly 🥺

but we seriously cant forget about your daytime dates too! each date of yours is always filled with so so many jokes and giggles that your hearts burn with longing for the other whenever you part ways ):

i can see that he’ll even store the memory of your dates even weeks after they’ve happened - he’ll store those memories of you; all in his heart (and the polaroid he took of you in the back of his phonecase 😳) and tucked close.

Jake

as for dates, to me he seems the type to be into really spontaneous and random things!! He’d love going somewhere fun or just simply randomly travelling with you without a destination!

He especially loves to sneak out of the dorm late at night and meet you at you and his favourite park.

It’s located at the top of a really tall hill, and you’ll both spend hours sitting on the swings, chatting away with little care for the rest of the world or the time as you both simply giggle at each other’s jokes and contentedly talk about anything and everything; watching the city lights glow from hundreds of metres below you

He’d offer you his jacket when the temperature drops by a few degrees suddenly

You’d be like no!! It’s okay you should also stay warm, I’m okay 🥺

But then because he is such a sweetheart he’d huff and sit next to you on the swing, making the single-seater far too cramped as he tries to supply you with his body heat if that’s the only way that you’ll accept not freezing to death 😠

But then you’ll both slip due to there not being enough space for both of you on the wing, and your both fall flat down on your butts lmao

You’d both freeze, staring at each other blankly on the floor

but then you’d both crack up and laugh for the longest time — hushing each other in-between giggles from the fear of maybe you were being a bit too loud and could wake some people up?

But then you’d both fall into giggling messes once again as you blame each other for causing the other to fall down ):

You’d eventually sit together huddled on a bench, sitting in silence and simply staring out at seoul’s twinkling night lights as you share his leather jacket: heavy and warm as it drapes across you and his’ shoulders

But eventually you’d both finally head home! — your eyelids soon growing too heavy and both of you afraid of accidentally falling asleep at a park at 1am lmfao

idk why but i can just see a lot of late-night dates with jake,, such as

baking cookies together at 1am???? probably has happened twice already in your relationship aha 😁

honestly you both spend so much time together casually that you end up arguing on whether that time where he randomly showed up at your house wanting to make relationship bracelets together was really a date or not lmao

he is also so <3 so incredibly sweet too though uGH. he is a sweetheart and like heeseung he will remember every little detail of you which will be useful for when he comes up with more date ideas in the future (

on dates such as eating at a restaurant together he will always bring you flowers like the gentleman he is.

it’s kinda funny because when youre both on a date together alone with no other people around you both become complete crackheads

but when meeting in front of others he acts so mature and serious suddenly lmao ?? 

but honestly he just trusts and loves you so so much that he doesnt even feel like he needs to act a certain way or try to become someone complteley different on a date just to impress you

but its okay because you love the duality of jake sim <3

someone get me him pls. i want one </3

Jay

With jay, shopping dates ??? yes of course (;

he’d simply love taking you out either down a road with many well-known clothing brands or maybe even the mall, entering several clothing stores with you

he never mentions it, but its obvious how much he simply adores seeing you wear the clothes he picks out for you :D

oh and matching couple outfits are obviously always chosen whenever you go out on these fashion dates!!

he will pick out a selection of items he thinks will look good on you, and - to admit it to himself: he does a pretty good damn job

tell me why this boy will get so flustered whenever he sees you walk out of the changing room,, looking so pretty in what he chose for you ??

he’d also one day surprise you on a date with matching couple bracelets :D

you’ll get so excited and he’ll get so shy and try to hide his smile as you compliment how good his sense of style is !! and as much as he denies the fact that he’s blushing you luckily do manage to snap some pics as evidence of the rosy colour in his cheeks hehe

and especially earlier on in the relationship, he’ll always try his best and prepare cute little dates for you both )): and the members would tease him to DEATH for how unbelievably soft and considerate he is when doing things for you when he is so cranky towards them lmfao

chill dates (:

walking in the park together, getting ice cream, going for late night drives and listening to music together </3 with jay it never has to be complicated

Just as long as he gets to be with you, talk with you and touch you then that’s more than enough for him (: he just likes to be in your company

and Idk why I can just see this but he wILL have playground dates with you. dont question it

Because like ?? hanging out on the swings or climbing frame of a kids park at 11PM when there’s no one else there but you both?? Talking and swinging quietly next to each other? very romantic to me hmm

Yes <3 

he will stare at you as he silently swings a back and forth a little; brushing the hair out of your face and looking at you with so so much love in his eyes it’s unbelievable

he especially loves just relaxing with you. watching a show on the tv together while cuddling and staying close to each other is something he loves

hearing your giggles and listening to you talk while engaging in teasing banter where he’ll pretend to think the things you say are stupid by scoffing and rolling his eyes when in reality his heart is swelling and he’s trying so hard not to laugh at how cute you are? 

shut UP

those are definitely one of his favourite types of dates with you

he’ll constantly try to impress you and will be willing to try so many different things with you

i can see him as either being openly interested about going on typical couple dates together such as painting or eating at romantic restaurants,, or every time you mention something of the sort he’ll be groaning at yet another mention of the ‘couple bucket list’ you had created lol

but actually he’s secretly really excited for that couple mug-painting session you booked for you both. but he will never tell you that 😳

in conclusion, with jay it really never has to be something complex for you both to enjoy your dates <3 he just loves being in your company, even if its one of those nights where you both share no words between the cuddling and content sighs and various little soft kisses he presses to your forehead.

sunghoon

with sunghoon gOSH

whatever you two get up to, it’d be so so soft and gentle and perfect and just ):

he would always ask the members what to take you out on as a date and you bet his naver search history would consist of questions like ‘what does my s/o like’ and ‘where should i take out my partner on a date’ lmao

he just wants to make you happy and comfy ):

dates with him are usually really cute!! Like going to cafes, going ice skating etc!

But you’d also love those dates at home with him, giggling shyly as you both sit together and watch a film 🥺

he LOVES those dates! he always gets so shy whenever he comes over and it takes him a little while to get comfortable enough with you to even hold your hand pls

So when he one day pulls you in closer from where you’re sitting side by side on the couch,, bringing you closer and tucking you under his arm ??

You’re so so surprised, and you feel your heart clench a little at how gentle he is with you and how he’s finally opening up ):

And from then on,, he only will become more and more comfortable with you!!! To the point where he’ll start pouting a lil when you don’t snuggle up next to him on the sofa like you usually do );

So cuddle dates with hoon? Yes you bet they’re his fave!!

and then when its quickly approaching your 100 days anniversary, he’ll be wracking his brains for so long trying to decide what to do for you

but then it will hit him like a light bulb switching on!

he’ll suddenly remember you mentioning this specific thing that you really liked and would want to do one day, and guess what he would plan for u both!!

he’d prepare 💔💔 a picnic 💔💔 for you 💔💔

ugh youre so lucky

he’d text you the day before your anniversary telling you to expect to go on a date with him the day after and to dress up prettily :D

he’d wake up super early on the day of the date, preparing all of your favourite foods and meals into a cute lil basket ):

and when you finally both meet at a really rEALLY pretty secluded area that you somehow had no idea existed despite you living in the area for so long - you’d maybe start tearing up?? 

because your boyfriend is so so sweet and you never saw this coming from him at all ): 

and he’d just stand there shyly in front of the picnic he set up, hand at the back of his head and looking down; cute lil blush tainting his cheeks from how nervous he is!

but then you’d run over and give him a big, big hug, exxclaiming how much you appreciate what he did for you and how youre so so incredibly sorry for not bringing him something as well to celebrate your anniversary (you were dying inside fo guilt please!! how could u forget to get him something when he went out of his way like this for you )):  )

but he’d simply shake his head, smiling and not minding at all

because if he gets to see you happy, gets to see those twinkling eyes of yours that just stare up at him with so so much love before bringing him in for a sweet kiss - then he simply doesnt mind at all.

r u crying at this like i am lol

sunoo

sunoo absoloutely adores you.

and he cant stay away from you !! lmao

you’ll leave after a date and ten minutes after youve arrived you’ll get a text from him saying how much he already misses you and wants to see his bun again ):

but its okay!! because y’all would meet up again really soon again :D

sunoo really doesnt mind what you both do together, he just loves being in your company !! if he’s doing something with you, its certain that he will have so much fun and be so so comfy!

you often like to go to cinemas together, watching a film

film/drama marathons are also something that you both do very very often as a date! he loves it when you hug him tight and throw a leg over his as you both lie down in his dorm bed/your bed, watching something on your laptop

he is very very cuddly and whenever you both do have cuddle dates/sessions (which is all the time btw) he’ll like it when you absentmindedly play with his fingers or stroke your hands through his hair soothingly

and then he’ll complain and whine when you stop lmao

seriously though, without a question if either of you meet at either his dorm or your house - its always:  ‘so what are we gonna watch?’

he also likes doing very very cute couple-y activities with you! of course he does,, youre his baby ): 

(he’s more YOUR baby actually - but he doesnt need to know about that shh hehe)

funfair dates where you will go on a ferris wheels and eat cotton candy together? sharing a kiss when you reach the top? yes! and so is going to those sets designed for couples to take cute photos together as a lil photoshoot!

he is so so sweet with you ): 

and has it been mentioned yet that you’ll go on food dates? this is a very obvious date you both do very often !! 

going to food markets and trying out different street foods from different vendors? yes.

having mini dates at the korean convinience store late at night where you’ll both sit by the window and eat tteokbokki & ramen together? yes.

its all honestly really really chill, but he also knows when to be serious when he needs to (:

he’ll take you out to the your favourite restaurants often!

and whenever youre celebrating something he’ll take you to a really good and famous restaurant with mouth-watering food, and you’ll be left wondering for the longest time how on earth he managed to get a seat in since its always so booked

or ordering take-out is good too :D

in conclusion (because i just realised how long this is help 😭): dates with sunoo are always a variety of fun activities which always leave you feeling tired yet so, so happy and content at the end of the day !!

he loves you so much <3

Jungwon

Since you both go to the same school, a lot of your little dates are actually spent there

He’s pretty shy with you at times,, but when you’re both alone it’s then that dates with him are usually so so goofy and silly; days filled with his teasing and your eye rolls and giggles.

Meeting at the rooftop before school to simply talk and giggle and drink chocolate milk? Yes.

Staying after school for small study sessions in the library? Yes.

With jungwon, you’re not able to see him as much between school and him being an idol, so every little moment together means so much to both of you ):

To me jungwon also seems like a cuddler!!! cause like?? Have you seen him ?? Tell me he doesn’t look so soft 

So, dates at home when he’s free where you can both cuddle together in your bed while eating and doing homework? They’re so so cosy,, and definitely your favourite kinda dates!! not to mention that your parents absolutely adore him too

With jungwon, lots of lil spontaneous dates are definitely his and yours trademark (‘:

He’ll turn up at your house randomly with a grin and dimple poking at his cheek, holding a bag of convenience store food and asking you if you want to go on a date with him even if it’s 10pm and dark outside lmfao

And then he’ll take you to an arcade!

You’ll be the only ones there and he’s keep flexing about how he’s going to win you this cat plush from the claw machine because he says it looks like him

He’d try several times and end up spending almost 8,000 won on the machine trying to win you this plush and at this point he’s already making up several excuses about how oh, ‘it’s rigged’ or ‘give me one more chance I will get it this time!!’

You’d giggle at how he grows flustered, gently asking him if you could have a go for fun, sighing and with him and agreeing on the fact that the claw machine is definitely rigged

You’d complain together; scolding the machine and asking it to please be nice and stop ruining your date when it’s then that the claw actually picks up a plush and you’re both like ;oo

You’d both stay stood in shock as the cat plush is dropped into the receiving box, before laughing loudly

He’d stand there flustered, blush tainting his cheek before he just walks away 🚶🏻‍♂️

You’d quickly pick up the cat plush and chase after him, giggles tumbling out your lips

and uhm after that you beTTER go check up on your boy and see if his ego wasnt too damaged by that 😤

so of course you’d wrap your arms around him from behind, tucking your face into the back of his neck ): and pressing gentle kisses where you know he’s ticklish until he finally relents, a small grin and dimple lighting up his face

and phEW because you thought he was upset ): but he laughs and says youre better at the claw machine than he is so,, all good dont worry !! 🥺

It’d end up being him taking the cat plush home, which you both name ‘jungwon-two’ because of how much it actually looks like him 😭

Expect many references and inside jokes to that date and jungwon-two in the future

and tbh you love dates with won so so much. theyre so fun plus they’re always secret.

and whenever you’re out doing whatever the hell you both get up to,

It’s like there is no one else in the world. It’s just you, and him, and the blooming you both feel in your chests.

Niki

I don’t know but I can just see niki as being so romantic

You’re both young, and although niki is the biggest dork and always likes to play around and make jokes 24/7 - he’s also so mature compared to the other boys your age

So would he take you out to a date where he’d set up classically romantic candles and rose petals for you both to eat at for your 1 month anniversary? Yes ):

And you’d be so speechless and shocked as you blush quietly and thank him before he‘s accidentally knocking over his glass of water all over the table cloth and you’re laughing out loud

But expect every other date with him to be filled with so so much food and comfort!

He’d feel so comfy around you, and really the only word he thinks is perfectly able to describe you is home. He thinks you feel like home to him.

So he’d show you all of this favourite things, the things closest to his heart and you can’t help but feel your own heart clench at how much you adore this boy

He’d take you out to traditional Japanese restaurants and show you his favourite foods from back home and teach you the customs of how to eat sushi

You’d 100% be so so interested and excited whenever he reveals to you a vulnerable part of him, and he’d stare at you so lovingly as he kisses your cheek, blushing and smiling like the 15 year old he is

Ugh ): niki ):

Dance dates!!

You claim you can’t dance to save your life LMFAO (or maybe you can 😳?) but he only grins shyly instead as he takes you to a small dance studio he rented (he didn’t want to take you the belift building where there would be other people - he’d want you to feel completely comfortable).

You’d simply stand there with your mouth dropped open as you watch him freestyle to a random song he put on like it’s nothing

You’d spend the day getting taught some moves by him and although you’re sure you look like a cat getting electrocuted, he still smiles and  nods and even claps, giving you compliments and teasing remarks

Overall, dates with niki are so so fun and goofy and perfect. You feel your heart swell every time he takes you out on another little adventure, feeling so complete and carefree between his warm hugs, jokes and words that he has to say to you

(’:

[myshyyangel]

"Problematic Writer" - the case of the BL that criticized its own industry.

"lovely writer" review.

As some of you know, I adored, loved, worship, this series. And for the right reasons.

Writing:

As surprising as it is, I was not impressed by the trailer of this bl, nor did I ever thought of watching it. I saw the other series that Kao was in and that left a bad taste in my mouth, I hated it. But I thought, "who am I not to watch the first ep??? For the gays, let's do it". And God did I love it. The writing though, it's just amazing, whoever wrote the series, y'all did that. I am in love with the transparency. Finally, a bl that says "I AM GAY", "I DONT LIKE GIRLS", "YOU SHOULD ASK FOR THIS INSTEAD OF JUST DOING IT", and so on... It's just magnificent, chef kisses, for a gay man to watch this... Y'all did it yes. There's no awkward representation, there are no stereotypes, I mean, maybe some times, but nothing overwhelming. There's only one character that was not even in the series, and the sides characters didn't get the proper treatment, but I am not mad about it. Ugh whoever wrote this, yes you did that. The family issues, well addressed, the consent always WELL FUCKING ADDRESSED YES. Nubsib deceiving Gene, WELL ADDRESSED, YES. Even the sexy moments, those were well written, although, i felt like I had no right to be watching, that's when you know there's chemistry and good writing.

Direction:

Alongside "Manner of Death", this bl didn't get me dizzy. Finally, a proper conversation without switching shots, we love to see it. Up was game on this, he is a good actor and because of the direction, you can see how good he is. Kao too, I think this is an improvement for him. There are not shots that you feel like "why is he showing me that door, I want to see the facial expressions", there's just one ep. That I felt like some shots were out of place. Long shots properly used and overall great.

Acting:

I already talked about Up, so I'll move on to Kao, he improved in this series, he really conveyed a 18 year old lol. Ep. 10 was a clear sign on how his acting has improved because he went from cute to

With no problem and naturally. BUT. The rest of the cast, the actor who plays Hin was good, but my only problem is the crying scenes... Which applys to Bruce and Ken. Now, in comparison to the average BL actor, this cast was great. Zorzo nailed her character, and hers was a strong character. Ken, he was a little weak at times, you can tell he felt a little uncomfortable at times (is like when you are recording a video and people are watching you and you are like hehe) but nothing that made me not want to see more. Bruce, oh Bruce, he is good, he just needs to work on his crying, but overall, I felt for him and cried with him. Aksjakjs freaking show so good omg.

Overall:

I know we won't get series like this all the time, but I just wish... For a gay person like, I was so happy every Wednesday, because of how this series made me feel. And I am so happy the threw the whole industry under the bus and dragged them. Some of the things that I loved the most:

Consent, even if its for a picture. "CAN I KISS YOU?".

Holding hands whenever they were going through a serious situation.

"I am Gay", "He is my boyfriend", this is not 1900.

Hetero man can do the same thing as Gay man, make up, clothing and all, and vice versa and there's nothing wrong with that.

"I don't like girls", but he is not an asshole, only with his sister lol but she deserves it.

Characters are grown, some of Aey's decisions are driven by jealousy but he admits he was wrong and does not justify himself.

Ally mothers, we love to see it.

Ally brothers and chill omg I loved them.

A FREAKING PARENT THAT IS GAY OMG I CRIED SO MUCH. Pete's father 🤝 Gene's father. Best fathers ever.

Criticizes social media.

Criticizes people in power such as Bua.

Hiring a Gay Director!!!

Not showing many of the toxic scenes for the series "bad enginner" because what's the whole point of the series then...

Oh but that "THIS IS HARRASMENT" YEEEESSSS BTCH TELL EM.

Gene not being in love with Nubsib when they were kids but rather telling him that it makes no sense because they were young. Omg yes, that would have been predat00r behavior and we condemn that sht.

I probably forgot about other points but... POINTS WERE MADE.

Rating: 10/10. Excellent, loved it, unforgettable. At the top of my list. Second after CherryMagic.

[kareofbears]

plainly in truth, chapter 1/5

“Without you around, it's sorta like stuff is just kinda...bleh."

—

Or: hiding, confiding, and misguiding.

read on ao3 or below the cut :)

The sweat on the back of Ryuji’s neck is thick as he climbs the stairs to his apartment after a lengthy run.

It’s hot for spring, mild for summer, and now that it’s late June, it’s finally starting to teeter into real heat. He escalated slowly, gripping the guard rail like an old man to make sure his legs don’t give out, in no rush to head back to an empty apartment. His mom’s been doing back to back shifts, businesses booming like it does during this time of the year.

Normally, that would make him miserable. Nothing worse than hopping back from a day of fun shit only to come back to an empty living space with laundry piled to the nines and the TV left running. He doesn’t blame his mom because he’s not an asshole, but he never dealt well with being alone. But nowadays, he’s actually starting to like it. Crave it. Maybe a little too much.

It’s easier to deal with being alone than getting that sinking feeling he gets whenever he talks to his friends.

Shoving his hand in his basketball shorts, he pulls out his keys when something makes him pause. The plastic plant beside the entrance had been moved. Ryuji squints. Quietly, he grabs the knob and turns. It’s unlocked.

“Hey.”

Ryuji lets out a frustrated sigh, tension leaving his shoulders as he kicks the door closed. “Fucking hell. How’d you get in here?”

Seeing Ann sit primly with her legs crossed in a dining table that’s barely big enough to put two plates down evokes a feeling of nostalgia in him. She holds a key between her fingers idly. “Spare key hasn’t changed since we were thirteen.”

He walks to the fridge, pulls out a carton of milk and drinks it straight, ignoring her grimace. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he offers it to her.

“Hard pass.”

“Suit yourself,” he shrugs, putting it back in the fridge. “I’m gonna shower. I think we might have some chips in the cupboards if you want some. Might be stale though.”

When Ann speaks again, her tone is flat. “You haven’t been hanging out with us. Or even talking to us.”

He tries not to let the annoyance show in his face too much. “Yeah, well, what part of ‘I need some alone time’ was confusing to you?”

Wood creaks, and he can feel her presence right behind him. “Cut the crap, Sakamoto. Something happened, I know it did. It’s not like you for your big mouth to be shut like this.”

Shaking his head, he strides to his room, praying that Ann will take the hint.

She doesn’t. “Okay, so I’ll just keep talking until something happens.” She leans against his door frame as he rummages for a change of clothes, listing off with her fingers. “It’s summer vacation, so it’s not a school thing. Phantom Thief stuff has been done for a while, so it’s not that either. I saw your mom last week, and she’s doing great. Congratulate her on the promotion for me, by the way. And the only other thing in your life that’s important is—” he hears her pause suddenly. “Are you and Akira doing okay?”

The sudden sharpness in her voice is enough to make his irritation ebb away for a second. “We’re fine,” he answers, pulling a probably clean shirt from the bottom of his drawer. He knows just how much she’s invested in their relationship. She’s pretty much a third member given how desperate she is to make them work. “I would’ve told you if we weren’t.”

“Thank god,” she breathes. “So what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” he rolls his eyes. “A big fat load of nothing with nothing sprinkled on top. You want me to say it again?”

“If it’s nothing, then why aren’t you over the moon that Akira’s finally visiting tomorrow?”

His stomach does a weird flop inside of him. He can’t tell if it’s a good flop or a bad one. “I’m over the moon,” he defends. “I’m crazy excited.”

“Then show it!”

“Okay! Damn, sorry I wasn’t happy enough for you.” Giving up on finding clean shorts, he picks one up from the floor and hopes it isn’t too gross. “I’m headed to the shower.” He rounds on her, giving her a glare. “And do not tell Akira that anything’s going on with me, ‘cause there isn’t anything going on. You’re just gonna make him worry for no reason and he’s gonna be all—” he frowns, overexaggerated. “—About this, so cool it.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. He won’t hear about it from me.” Ann gives him a long stare, and he refuses to look away. “You sure you’re okay?” she asks, softer this time.

“Never been better. Now scram.”

“Good. See you tomorrow, and don’t be late!” she calls as she marches through his apartment, foot out the door. “Noon! Leblanc!”

“I got it!” he yells back.

When the lock clicks back into place, Ryuji leans his back against the wall, letting his eyes slide shut. Is he that obvious that Ann would notice? He rubs his eyes with palms, frustrated. If Ann noticed, Akira’s definitely going to notice, and that isn’t allowed. He’ll just have to do better.

Going into the bathroom, flicking on the shower, he realizes he forgot his towel in his bedroom. Stupid Ann, distracting him.

Padding back to his room, he nabs it from the side of his bed, refusing to look at the letter collecting dust on his desk as he flicks the light off once more.

—

Akira came home to a face-full of streamers, two pots of curry, and six arms tackling him. Smiles and hugs were passed like a bottle of wine after a war has been won, and Akira shrugs it all off like he isn’t soaking up each and every exclamation of how much they miss him for a rainy day. Morgana gets his fair amount of head scratches, Akira gets enough noogies to warrant a concussion, and even Ryuji somehow manages to forget his problems for approximately three minutes.

It’s evening now, and while everyone had already left (not after slamming down two plates each and Yusuke brazenly asking for tupperware after the fact), Ryuji decided to linger.

“So,” he starts, sleeves rolled up as he washes the dishes while Akira dries. It might not look like it, but he doesn’t mind doing his chores; especially not with the way they both purposefully knock their knuckles against each other whenever they pass a plate between themselves.

“So,” Akira repeats. “I’m home. That’s cool, huh?” Even with eighteen layers of nonchalance layered on top of each other, there’s no hiding the lilt in his voice.

“Pretty damn cool,” he rinses a mug and hands it to him. Ryuji pauses as he watches Akira dry, lip quirked up. “I like seeing you like this.”

“Cleaning?”

“No, you bastard.” He reaches forward, unable to help himself as he pinches his cheek. “Smiley.”

Akira slaps his hand away. “I’m always happy,” he says, voice fond.

“I didn’t say happy, now did I? I said—” Ryuji wipes both hands on his jeans before pinching his cheek with both hands. “Smiley!”

He doesn’t fight back this time; instead, he lets Ryuji knead his face. “Your hands are wet,” he complains, slightly slurred.

“Suck it up.” His skin is mesmerizingly soft. Probably softer than even a girl’s. He would hold him like this all night if he’d let him. “This saves you from washing your face tonight, so you’re welcome.”

With one last tug, he reluctantly sets him free. Akira’s face is red and blotchy from the assault, but somehow he pulls it off because of course he does. “Thanks,” he deadpans.

“Don’t sweat it, dude. You know I got you,” he laughs, and for a second, he feels good. Light. Being with Akira does that to him, a pendant that wards off all evil. The pendant must’ve had some fine print in the contract though, because his stomach drops again when he remembers again. Ryuji turns around and starts scrubbing the pan harder than he needs to. Chill out, chill out, chill out.

Arms encircle his waist. “Sojiro’s gonna smite us if we don’t finish these before he opens tomorrow,” Ryuji says.

“I know.” A chin hooks around his shoulder blade, sliding in place. A perfect fit. “We’ll get to it.”

Ryuji leans back, far enough to smell the shampoo in his hair. He breathes in deep. It’s not what he’s used to, probably different brands in his hometown, but it still smells nice.

With the water still running, a group of businessmen’s laughter booming from just outside the cafe, Ryuji nearly says it. To take that weight off of his weakened knees and share some of the burden with someone who’s never complained about carrying some of his baggage. It would be embarrassing, humiliating, fucking mortifying, but it would be better than this, right?

He opens his mouth. “Missed you,” is what comes out instead.

“Missed you more, I think.” A beat passes, and then Akira continues, quietly: “You don’t know how good it feels to be back.”

That was all it took. The final piece, the last lock. The words he needed to convince him that this was the right thing to do. If he was on the fence of whether or not to tell Akira, this was the tug that took him over the edge. Because Akira came here for one reason: to have fun. To feel good again. To feel like Akira again. Is Ryuji really going to be the one to shit all over that? To fuck up his summer vacation with his problems again?

Yeah. Fuck that.

He wishes he can pull Akira impossibly closer. “Welcome home.”

It can wait until he leaves. After that, the world will just have to explode, taking him with it.

—

Ryuji’s in bed that night, tossing and turning, blanket tangled in his legs and head underneath his pillow, when he finally caves.

Smacking around for his phone, he pulls it to his face, squinting against the bright light.

SR: futaba

The response was immediate.

SF: what SR: that was fast. whatre you doing up SF: im always up. why are YOU up SR: just wanted to talk SF: ok

He waits a few moments to see if she’d continue the conversation. She doesn’t.

SR: hows school? SF: ?????? who cares, its three am SR: i care SF: ugh, go to sleep. we’re meeting tomorrow anyway SR: yeah but you dont talk about school during group meetings much SF: alright weirdo SF: schools cool. people mostly leave me alone, and i think akira must’ve tipped off kawakami cause she is wayyyy too nice to me even after bullying her in front of the class SR: what did you do lmfao SF: she said that whoever could recite pi to ten decimal points can get a bonus ten percent in the final SF: and i kept going until the bell rang SR: damn! SF: its mostly okay though. better than i thought it’d be for sure SR: and how about actual school stuff SR: like classes. Math, science, english, all that shit. SF: sheesh, easiest part no doubt. could do all that stuff in my sleep SR: really? even though youre a year behind? SF: uh yeah? i could be eight years behind and still dunk on these clowns with one hand tied behind my back and watching a live stream

Ah, right. Futaba’s a literal genius. As in ‘Make A Documentary Of Her In Twenty Years In A Movie He’d Never Watch But Makoto Would Love’ kind of genius. He forgot.

SR: nice SR: thanks, im gonna sleep now SF: kk see you SF: (¯﹃¯)

—

“Okay, this is getting a little ridiculous,” Ryuji says when he opens the door to his apartment.

Ann is sitting in his dining chair once again, this time donned in hot pink shades and a comically big sun hat. He tries not to let annoyance and panic flare inside him. He loves her, because of course he does, but he was banking on stocking up some energy and alone time before they hit the road. Maybe even shed a couple of frustrated tears, who knows? As long as he’s alone, it’s fair game.

“Hey, don’t give me any of that,” Ann says. “You and packing your luggage is like mayonnaise and my flawless complexion—it’s not good, buster. Remember Hawaii?”

He feels his skin heat up, and slams the door harder than he should. “How the hell was I supposed to know I’d get randomly checked? ‘Sides, I didn’t do anything illegal.”

“A backpack filled with condoms and a toothbrush might as well have been illegal.” Ann reaches into her pocket, whipping out a wrinkled piece of paper. “You can’t pull that kinda crap now, and if I know him as well as I do, I’m sure Akira’s already packing for that.” She laughs at her own joke and raises her hand enthusiastically. He can’t help but grin as he high fives her. Hey, even if his life is falling apart, at least he’s still getting some, right?

“So I’m here to help,” she continues, shaking the sting from her palms. “I finished packing a day early and everything, so I better get some thanks after this.” Before he can complain, she holds up a finger, expression stern. “I know you don’t need help. Yes, I’m still worried about you. Yes, I’m doing this because I’m worried about you. Let me do this stupid little thing, okay? It’ll make me feel better.”

His stomach churns, more intense than usual. “You’re still worried about me?” he asks, breath hitching. What? No. Did he fail at that too? Does she know? That must mean Akira knows, right? And if Akira knows, then—

“Whoa, hold on!” A hand grips his shoulders. “Deep breaths, Sakamoto. Don’t spiral on me now.” Gently, he’s led to a chair. He sits gratefully and waits for his heart rate to drop. The entire time, Ann stays quiet.

Eventually, when the room stops closing in on him, he sighs and leans back against his chair. “Sorry,” he says, feeling really stupid. Damn, what happened to him keeping this on the down low?

She slaps his knee. “Shut up, don’t apologize for that,” she scolds, and he almost smiles. It’s easy to forget how good Ann is at this sort of thing. For better or for worse, she’s had plenty of practice while talking to Shiho. The grip on his knee tightens. “Ryuji…”

He shakes his head. “No.”

And, for better or for worse, she absolutely does not let things go.

“Look, buddy.” The grip is starting to hurt, and it means business if her red acrylics are anything to go by. “I just saw you have a teensy little panic attack two damn minutes ago, and you’re expecting me to just leave you to it? Are you a clown? Are you a clown in a circus, Sakamoto? Is that what you are?”

“I just don’t want to fucking talk about it.” He shoves her hand off his knee, and before he knows it, his voice is raised. “Christ, can’t you just leave me alone? All you do is get up in my business when I clearly didn’t ask you to. Just cause we did this whole Phantom Thief crap together doesn’t mean it gives you the right to everything going on in my life.”

He loathes the ringing in his ears from his own voice. He hates it when he yells in the apartment, but hates the silence that follows more. Too much like his dad, too much like his exhausted mom.

Ann is staring up at him, hard and unwavering. “You’re such a piece of shit sometimes.”

“Huh?”

“If you want me off your tail, you’re gonna have to work harder than that.” She gets on her feet, glaring at him. “‘Piss me off and make me leave in tears’ was your tactic, right? Boring. Overdone. Try again.”

The way she’s standing, shoulders pushed back and chin jutted out like she’s ready for a shoot in some kind of army magazine, means she’s dead serious.

“Ann, just get the fuck out of my house. You’re really starting to get on my nerves.”

“Ooo, classic 'angry and make me storm off’, right? Better, but not good enough.”

“What the hell are you even saying?”

“I’m saying that you could say whatever pops into your bleached head—” she flicks his forehead, viciously sharp nails digging into his skin. “And I wouldn’t go anywhere. You could call me names, or threaten me, or try to hurt me, but I am not going anywhere.”

Her eyes are bright blue, but he can still feel the heat of it like Carmen was inches in front of him. His throat quivers when he swallows. She’s really not going to give in.

“My knee’s been real bad lately,” he relents, making a fist and lightly knocking it against his thigh. “Normally it acts up during bad weather, but the sun hasn’t left in weeks and it still sucks. I didn’t wanna tell anyone, ‘cause I hate talking about…” he trails off, but she doesn’t need him to continue. They both know damn well who he’s referencing.

Ann’s face crumbles. “That’s horrible,” she says, absently rubbing the red mark on his forehead. “I’m sorry I was mean.”

He waves it off, the same way he does whenever his mom asks him if he’s getting enough sleep. “Don’t sweat it. I know how crazy you get.”

It’s a real testament to how worried she must’ve been when she didn't take the olive branch. “I know you probably don’t want to worry the group, but you should tell Akira.”

“Ann—” he starts wearily.

“You know I’m right about this. Now that the Metaverse is back and we’re going to be running around more, he can’t not know about this. Your boyfriend aside, he’s our leader. Something really nasty can happen if we’re not thinking straight.”

“...Sure.”

Ann gives him a weird look. “That was surprisingly easy. I thought you’d complain more.”

She’s getting way too sharp. “What, you wanted me to be a dick about it?”

“I guess not.” Leaning against his kitchen counter, she chews her lip like it’s bubble gum. “Can I do anything to help?”

“Yeah.” Ryuji stands to stretch, ready for this conversation to be over. “You can keep this between us—”

“—Except for Akira,” they say in unison, Ryuji exasperated and Ann insistent.

“Fine. I’ll back off if you think you have it under control.”

“Hallelujah, she’s finally giving me space.”

“But,” her gaze is harder than steel. “Never, ever keep secrets from me again, got it?”

Ryuji rolls his eyes. “Gotcha. Can we get started now? I’m over talking about my horrible past so that we can finally have a straight-out-of-an-anime summer vacation.”

Her eyes brighten up. “Yes! Okay, I made this huge list and I know for a fact we’re gonna have to go for a quick shopping trip—”

“Quick? So, like, three hours going by your standards?”

“Don’t interrupt me. We need to pack some swim trunks, toiletries, and I know you’re worried about your mom so we’ll go grocery shopping for her before we leave in the morning.” Feet tapping excitedly, “This is gonna be so fun. You start packing, I’ll go shopping. Rendezvous in an hour.”

Before he even gets a chance to put a word in, she’s already out the door.

—

Later that night, when everything is messily thrown into one oversized backpack and a rucksack and the fridge is chock full of groceries for his overworked mother, he gets a text.

TA: i know you said not to bring it up but i dont care TA: i searched it up and apparently cold and hot compresses can help with the pain on your knee TA: also getting shoes with really good support would help too. i modeled for some shoe brands, i can def get you some discounts!!! TA: like, i know this is all base level stuff and you know this already, but i bet you we can ask sophia for more help. maybe she can access top secret doctor stuff for knee injuries?? :O

Ryuji stares at his phone for a long moment, before shoving it under his pillow.

Great. Add ‘guilt’ and ‘keeping up with a lie’ to the list of shit he has to worry about.

—

“A lake!” Yusuke cries, kneeling in front of the body of water like a man discovering a desert oasis. Gently, he cups the clean water and cradles it against his cheek. “You are nothing like the garbage-infested sewers in Tokyo. You are crystal clear. You are divine. You are salvation. You are—”

“Akira, Inari’s being a weirdo again,” Futaba points an accusing finger at Yusuke, who’s shirt is slowly absorbing more and more of the water. “At this rate, he’s gonna have to change.”

Makoto grunts as she lugs out the grill singlehandedly, a loud clang ringing out when she nonchalantly sets down a family-sized piece of machinery. “Alright, here it is.” She catches the look of awe that Ryuji’s giving her. “Does it still shock you that I can probably bench press you twice over?”

“I’m just trying to figure out where you’re hiding all that muscle, prez,” he snorts, and it’s the truth. Her and Akira must be the same breed, considering they’re both way too lithe to be this strong. He’s seen the way they throw a punch in the Metaverse—they could probably disintegrate a dude in real life if they really wanted to. Like yeah they workout, but not that much. Maybe they’re dieting too? He’s tried dieting, but ramen is just way too good, even at the expense of muscles.

“Ryuji, when you’re done spacing out, can you grab the ingredients?” Akira calls out.

“Ugh, cut the mind reading dude, it scares the hell out of me.”

He shoots him a signature Kurusu Akira smile; small yet disarming all the same, and it never fails to get Ryuji’s heart to do weird flips. “It’s not mind reading once you realize that I’m just obsessed with you.”

Instead of answering, Ryuji grumbles as he stalks off into the RV. Damn him and his genuine words and compliments.

He pulls out their luggage from underneath the table. Akira doesn’t need to say what ingredients he needs to grab—he’s helped out enough times during Leblanc’s afterhours to know the curry spices by heart. Ryuji might be a failure, but hey, he can do this no problem.

Grabbing bottles and shakers and balancing them on top of his arms like an overworked waiter, he glances left and feels his heart dropped. The envelope from his room—dust-free from rubbing against the rest of his luggage—is sticking out of his backpack. After a quick adjustment, he uses his free hand to shove it deep in his bag, hearing the paper crinkle in on itself.

It was a spur of the moment decision to bring it along with him, one that he’s still half-regretting. Why’d he do it? Maybe he was worried that he might enjoy this trip a little too much? Maybe he was some kind of masochist that likes having his problems and anxiety follow him literally everywhere he goes? Maybe he was scared to hell and back that his mom would find it before he had a chance to tell her himself? Fuck if he knows.

Poking his head out of the door, he yells, “Heads up!”

Throwing a bottle of black pepper, Akira catches it without looking. “Thanks.”

“Don’t sweat it.”

“Too late, I already sweat a little bit.”

Ryuji squints. “It’s sweated. Right, Ann?”

“Don’t look at me. I went to America for modelling, not a spelling bee.”

“I won all my spelling bees in middle school,” Makoto says, chest puffed out in pride.

“Were you the only one who joined?”

“That’s not important.”

Akira’s phone beeps enthusiastically, and Sophia’s voice rings out. “Got it! According to the internet, ‘sweat’ and ‘sweated’ are both grammatically valid. Technically, both Ryuji and Ann are correct.”

“Can we all just shut up for a second about sweating, for the love of god,” Futaba fans her face weakly. “It’s already sooooo hot. I feel like my skin is melting. Yusuke, is my skin melting?”

He looks at her for a moment, peering closely. “Yes.”

“How about we go in for a quick dip in the lake?” Haru offers, and Ryuji suspects that she can feel the same energy that he’s feeling when the group gets like this. “We were all talking about how beautiful it was, and it would cool down Futaba-chan no problem.”

She leans down, swirling her hand in the water. “It’s a little chilly, but it’ll definitely take care of the heat.”

“Good idea!” Futaba jumps up and throws off her shoes, ready to march in. “This is gonna feel so good.”

“Socks!” Akira reminds her.

“I know that!”

Haru and Yusuke follow suit, eager to get away from the heat, Makoto going in to change to shorts. Ryuji guesses it’s probably not an easy feat to roll up leather pants. Probably makes it either to ride motorcycles, or whatever people with leather pants do.

He feels a poke in his side. “You hopping in with them?” Akira asks.

No. The answer is already at the tip of his tongue, ready to roll out. Given how cramped the RV is, keeping up the trademark Sakamoto energy while lugging more baggage than an airport employee is brutal. It’s barely been a day since they started the trip, and he’s not sure how much longer he can keep this up. Already his chest feels heavy with something, and whenever all the windows are rolled up, it gets weirdly hard to breathe. But if he says no, Akira would definitely know something was up.

“Uh—”

“Actually, I think we’ll take over the curry for you,” Ann cuts in.

Ryuji turns to her, startled and wide eyed.

“Why?” Akira asks, just as confused as he is. They both know how much Ann loves being in the middle of things, especially in group hangouts.

“Because you look like you could use a break. I know for a fact that you had to pack Yusuke’s stuff for him, or else the van would’ve had fifteen canvases and an easel, and you had to grocery shop for everyone, and talk Haru out of a guilty spiral because she wasn’t confident enough in her driving. And all this before—” Ann looks down at her wrist to peer at a non-existent watch. “Five o’clock.

He frowns. “Sure, but I’ve done twice as much during our prime. This,” he gestures at the pot. “Is a walk in the park. Thank you, though.”

Ann sighs, heavy and contemplative. “I didn’t want to say it out right, but since you’re being difficult…” She places a hand on his shoulder. “You should hang out with Futaba more. Being gone from her for that long has been rough, and yes, we took care of her while you weren’t there, but you’re different.” Her hand tightens. “You know, Wild Card and all that.”

“That’s not what that means, but I appreciate the effort,” Akira says. Despite his words, it’s clear that what she said bothered him. Eyes flickering to Futaba, enthusiastically kicking the water to see how far the droplets would go, he directs his gaze to Ryuji. “Is it okay if…?”

Ryuji rolls his eyes, pretending like relief isn’t crashing through his body. “Go.”

Akira kisses his cheek. “Thank you.” When he pulls away, he gives Ann a hesitant look.

She grimaces. “Thanks, but no. Go hangout with the gremlin.”

He gives her a salute and saunters off, rolling up his jeans to wade through the water, making sure to splash Futaba on the way there.

After a moment of silence, he sighs. “Fine, I’ll say it. Your acting classes are actually doing you some good.”

“Ha!” she points at him triumphantly. “And you said it’d be a waste of time!”

“I didn’t say that.” Ryuji slouches into a nearby camping chair, the one that Sojiro forced them to lug along, hoping that some of his fatigue would seep away. “We both know that Futaba’s never been better, so what’s up? Why’d you throw out Akira like that?”

“It’s not for me, stupid,” she scoffs, but he can’t help but feel the weight in his chest get even heavier. He sinks even deeper into his chair. “The water was cold, right? That would make your knee even worse.”

“Yeah,” he blinks, having already forgotten the whole fucked-up knee story. “Thanks.”

“I won’t chew you out for not telling Akira, even though I should. But like I said,” she ruffles his hair. “I got your back. I know it must be hard, but you’re still acting all normal. We’re lucky that it’s only affecting you in the real world, too.” She had come up with that one herself, and thank god she did, cause he wouldn’t have known what to say if she had confronted him on how he could easily do flips and sprints in the Metaverse. “That just takes a lot of guts, and even though I know for a fact this would make you feel so much better once you tell him, I trust that you know what you need better than me.”

“Quit trying to look all cool,” he says, and prays to fucking god that the red on his face comes off as embarrassed gratitude rather than earth-shattering guilt. “And aren’t you supposed to be cooking, curry master?”

“Hey, he asked you to do it, not me. I’ll help you get the ingredients, but no way I’m doing the whole cooking shebang.”

“Ugh, fine,” he says, as if he doesn’t secretly love the idea of getting to cook for Akira this time instead of the other way around. Pushing himself up, Ann reaches out to help him. “You don’t gotta baby me, Takamaki.”

“I’ll baby you for as long as I need to, and then eventually Akira will be the one babying you. We come in shifts.”

“I hope you’re unionized.”

Makoto pokes her head out of the RV, wearing a showercap. “Did someone say unionized?”

“What the hell?” Ryuji staggers back in shock. Crap. “How long have you been there?”

“And why are you wearing that?” Ann gasps.

“Not long, and I don’t want my hair getting wet in case I fall in. We have no idea what’s been in here.”

“Were you going to fall in a bathtub?”

“Did you want me to push you in?”

“No, ma’am.”

—

There wasn’t a problem initially. Well, not one in Palaces, anyway. Wait, they’re called Jails now, which is really confusing. Ryuji’s just gonna have to avoid using those words so he doesn’t make himself look like an idiot.

Back in Shibuya, it had been...fine. Attacks landed, punches were dodged, Batons passed like his life depended on it (and it did). Like clockwork, instinct came to him and the weird nostalgic normalcy of fighting Shadows made it bearable.

Ryuji was off his game, and he could tell.

But he was barely off his game. If anything, he still had a foot on his game. Maybe even an entire leg on the game if he was being generous. He was still enough on the game that even Akira doesn’t notice.

But the weird part was, he doesn’t mind the fact that he’s off his game. In an even weirder way, he’s never been more on his game in his entire life.

“There!” Futaba’s voice crackles through the comms. “Uncle is open wide!”

“Her name is Ante, Oracle,” Makoto responds, brass knuckles jammed into the throat of some poor Shadow. “It’s open, but it’s vicious.”

Ryuji calls for Kidd just as she pulls away, wiping out the rest of the weaker ones with ease. “This thing’s like a goddamn mousetrap.” Ante’s serpent body slithering on the cool tiles so fluidly that it gives him the creeps. Her tail has tiny spikes etched into it, like mini knives hot glued onto a tetherball. The minute any of them even come close, she strikes outwards. “How vicious is vicious?”

“Depends on how fast you are.”

Akira’s head jerks up, and when their eyes meet, cracks a smile. “Fast, you say?”

Ryuji grins wider than he has in days. Joker relying on him? How can someone not feel a little giddy at that? “Say no more, leader.”

He stretches quickly, and feels eyes piercing the back of his head. Ann, probably. Shrugging it off, he sprints low towards Ante. As long as Ann doesn’t say a word, there won’t be a problem.

She’s taken hits from where Akira’s been concentrating on her. A mixture of bullet holes in its scales mixed in with cross slashes from where his bless attacks hit had left her delirious and pissed off. When he’s close, she bares her fangs and strikes, only for him to skid on the smooth tiles, rugged hands touching his mask.

“Come on out, Captain!”

His blond hair ruffled from Kidd’s attack, a crack of lightning came down from his Persona’s mangled hand, and a split second later her tail had been sliced clean through. And another crack comes, her neck landing on the tiles with a muffled thud. An attack that should’ve just been enough to incapacitate Ante had instead completely decapitated her.

A beat of silence passed as everyone processed what had happened. Ryuji’s mouth drops open, but he can’t muster any surprise.

He doesn’t know how, or why, but for some reason his attacks have been at least five times as strong as they had been back before the Metaverse was still intact. Moves that he didn’t even know are on the tip of his tongue, as if he had practiced them all his life. Normally this would only happen after rigorous training for months, adding up in tiny increments.

Now it happens every day.

“Well, looks like someone woke up on the right side of the gym today,” Futaba laughs awkwardly.

“What on earth was that, Skull?” Haru asks, eyes wide. “I had never seen you do something like that.”

Morgana’s tail swished. “She makes a good point. When’d you learn that one?”

“I don’t know.” He calls back Captain Kidd, eyeing the drop that Ante had left behind, but doesn’t move forward to snatch it up. “But whatever the reason is, it’s awesome as hell. I mean, did you see that? Sliced that thing open like a stuffed bear.”

“Let’s not bring stuffed animals into this, please,” Makoto frowns.

Akira’s giving him a look again, and it leaves Ryuji unsettled. “What is it, dude? I got something on my face?”

“No,” he steps closer, and his voice drops. “Are you alright?”

“Am I alright? I’ve never been better, man.” He flashes him a grin, hoping that it’s bright enough to distract Akira’s ever-searching eyes. “Come on, let’s get moving. Natsume’s heart isn’t gonna change itself.”

After one last glance, he nods, and Ryuji can see the minute Calculating Joker comes back. “You heard him. Let’s get moving, everyone.”

They all follow him up the stairs, eager to get moving past the eternally bleary and uncreatively written setting of Natsume’s Jail.

“Psst!” Ryuji hisses at Ann, who turns to him with a question in her eyes. “Panther! Get your ass over here!”

“What?” she whispers back.

He rubs the back of his neck. “I fucked up my knee when I rushed her, and I still haven’t told Joker, so do you mind…?”

An expected look of disapproval emerges from her expression, and Ryuji hurries to beat her to the punch. “I know, I know! But I can’t tell him in the middle of all this, now can I?”

“Fine,” she grumbles before calling Carmen. “I’ll cover you for now, but only ‘cause I’m a good friend and I’m super cute.”

“Yeah, the cutest, prettiest, whatever.” He glances over to Akira, swooping down to grab Ante’s drops before heading up. “Quick, before he looks back.”

Diarama washes over him, and even though relief floods through his body, he can feel a bead of sweat running down his temple. He’s not sure if it’s from her inherent heat or from the stress of lying to her again.

“Better?” Ann asks.

“Way better. Thanks.” He catches Sophia looking at them curiously. “The kid’s watching us. You better move ahead before she starts analyzing our personality types or something.”

Her eyes light up. “You think she’d do it if I asked? I really wanna know.”

“Just go!”

Ann hurries to catch up to Sophia, and while she’s distracted, Ryuji gently rolls up sleeves—he had gotten nicked by Ante as he slid. Normally that wouldn’t have been a problem; he had gotten thrown through walls, been hit by mini hurricanes, been blown up by a boat, and walked away from all that still swinging.

Yet lately, any tiny, fractional, miniscule injury is enough to shoot unbearable pain throughout his entire body. It’s as if he was back in Kamoshida’s Palace, where every punch thrown at him had been life or death.

Glancing down at his forearm, he sighs. The cut was gone, but he can’t keep asking Ann to heal him in secret every time.

“Skull?”

Hurriedly pulling down his sleeve, he glances up to see Akira standing in front of him.

“Everyone’s waiting for you,” he says casually, as if those words don’t mean the entire goddamn world to Ryuji. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah,” he answers, shaking his head. “My bad. Let’s go.”

They clambered up the staircase, and Ryuji decides that all of that stuff—getting injured and having it hurt like hell—just isn’t too important.

That just means that he’ll be fine as long as he doesn't get hit, and he’s had plenty of experience dodging punches that were thrown at him before.

—

“Cheers!”

All of them raise their red plastic cups, clinking it against each other in a way that they see adults do all the time on TV. Apple juice and iced tea slosh as they gulp it down eagerly, excitement so prevalent that they can hardly taste the cheap, convenience store-esque quality of their drink.

“This isn’t too bad,” Makoto muses, leaning against the faux-leather seats of the RV. “Though it would probably taste better if it wasn’t room temperature.”

“Does it look like this place has a mini fridge?” Futaba says, legs swinging down from her top bunk. “That’s a good idea though. I should’ve bought mine from home. Can you imagine we’re halfway through a six hour road trip and you want iced coffee and boom! Two feet behind you is Futaba’s Ice Cold Cafe, one hundred yen per use.”

“I hope you’d be ready to sleep on it, because this place is cramped enough as is,” Akira slaps the wall a few times, the way a rancher would a sturdy horse. “We’re lucky with what we have.”

“I know that! Without this thing we never would have been able to conquer Natsume’s Jail.” She reaches down to muss Yusuke’s hair. “I’m sure Inari feels good about that.”

He smiles, hair sticking up in all directions. “Of course I feel satisfied. Though I understand his struggle, being able to stop a fellow artist into becoming a true monster is always something that will bring me joy. Justice will never stop feeling good.”

“Cheers to that!” Ann raises her drink. “And you know what? This wouldn’t have been possible had Ryuji not kicked some major ass in that Jail.”

The group whoops and hoots loudly, and Ryuji can’t help but scoff when Ann winks at him. “Aw guys, you’re making me blush. I’m fucking awesome, sure, but we’re all pretty amazing.”

Haru shakes her head. “She’s right, Ryuji-kun. WIthout you, defeating dragon Natsume would’ve been much more difficult.”

“Even I can admit that you’ve gotten much stronger, Skull.” Morgana leaps onto the table, licking up the bowl of apple juice that Haru had left him. It feels wrong to let an animal drink that, but he’d never say anything about it. “Have you been training?”

Ryuji shrugs. “Yeah, a little.”

“Ooo, look at Mr. Humble all of a sudden,” Futaba jeers.

“I’m always humble!”

Ann grimaces. “I don’t think so. Remember when you finally got Akira to go on a date with you—”

“How dare you. He was begging me to go on a date with him—”

“And you wouldn’t stop telling us about how you had nabbed the coolest guy in Tokyo—”

Ryuji nearly jumps over the booth to put a hand on her mouth. “Quit yammering, Takamaki, I’m begging you.” He feels something slimy on his hand, and pulls back quickly. “Ew, did you lick me?! That’s so effing gross.”

“You’re gross.”

He feels a hand on the small of his back, warm and familiar. “I don’t think you’re gross, Ryuji,” Akira says. “I think you’re very clean.”

A harmonic beep rings through the air. “Sorry to interrupt,” Sophia’s clear voice cuts in. “But Akira, you got an email.”

“Thanks Sophie.” He points to where his phone is perched on the windowsill, propped up so she can see them celebrate their victory. “Can you…?”

Ryuji wordlessly passes it to him as everyone breaks off into smaller conversations, chatter blending into each other until it sounds like the kind of white noise he would queue up when he’s desperate to get some studying done. Immediately, Akira begins scanning through his phone, gray eyes focused.

He props his head against his shoulder to read alongside him and makes a noise of interest. “You signed up for cram school?” he asks, surprised.

“I did,” he replies, thumbing through the details of his admission.

Ryuji stares at him. “But you’re so fucking smart. Why are you paying who knows what to learn shit you already know?”

“Because Tokyo U barely cracks a 30% admission rate, and chemistry is hell incarnate.” With one last few clicks, he sets his phone down with a wince. “Sure is expensive though. We might have to reform the heart of someone in the education committee.” When he continues to stare at him wordlessly, Akira turns to him. “Don’t worry, I’m still leeching off of the Thieves' money from last year, so it’s not too bad when you take into account my part-time back home.”

“No, that’s not—I’m just—” he shakes his head and forces himself to start over. “Since when did you decide on Tokyo University?”

It’s Akira's turn to look taken aback. “What do you mean? You’d never leave Tokyo, especially if it meant leaving your mom.”

“That’s not the point. The point is I’m making you choose between me and your hometown!” he exclaims, but he already knows in his heart what Akira’s choice is going to be. It’s stupidly obvious. For some reason, the longer this conversation goes on, the tighter his chest feels.

The feeling doubles when Akira’s eyes, always focused and always sharp, subdued at his words. “Are you really comparing yourself to that place? You know I’d choose you over anything.” He reaches forward and combs through Ryuji’s hair, hushed and gentle in a way that only Akira can manage. “I’m so excited to live life with you again.”

The white noise, so comfortable before, abruptly turns overwhelmingly loud—grating and unbearable and painful to be around. Ryuji stands abruptly, barely reacting to Futaba’s yelp when he backs into her.

“Hey! What gives?”

“I…” his eyes dart around, flinching when he accidentally makes eye contact with Akira, and again when he locks eyes with Ann.

The sudden silence from the group is somehow worse than the noise from before, and if the tightness in his chest gets any more painful, his lungs are gonna burst into a million pieces and he’s not gonna be able to pick it all up from the ground if everyone’s watching.

“Trash,” he blurts out.

“What?” Makoto blinks, glancing up from her map.

“This place is disgusting and it’s way too cluttered and it’s bad to leave such a big mess so I’m gonna—” Ryuji grabs the plastic bag filled with garbage, haphazardly tossing empty cans and plastic cups into it. “I’ll be back. Don’t wait up.”

Before they can question him, he’s already out of the RV, towing trash and leaving his friends behind him.

—

“What the fuck was that?!” Ryuji screams into the sky.

He was far enough from the trailer that he knew they couldn’t hear him even if they had strained their ears, and it was late enough into the night that even the tourists weren’t poking around to look at the shrines or the Great Masamune himself.

“Keep it a secret’, my ass! That was the second dumbest thing—no, the third dumbest thing you’ve ever done in your entire life. Do you know how high that threshold is, Sakamoto? High! Higher than you can see with your own two eyes! Higher than Yaldabaoth’s goddamn crane-sized spine!”

Swooping down, he grabs a fistful of pebbles and throws it as hard as he can. “You are so selfish! What happened to keeping ‘Kira happy, you effing asshole?” Relishing in how far it went, he takes another two more. “You are so annoying. You are—” he throws, the rocks landing with a little plink. “Insufferable. Stupid. Selfish. A fucking—” this time, he doesn’t even know where it lands. “Gah!”

Turning on his heel, he glares up at the statue and grits his teeth when he sees Masamune’s stoic expression. “Don’t give me that look—you’re dead. You ain’t got nothing to complain about. Everyone’s remembering you as the guy who saved Japan, or whatever. But guess what? You’re probably a loser. A dumb, stupid loser who convinced everyone that you’re good for something when you’re worth jack shit!”

Before he can stop himself, he takes the garbage bag full of cans, glass bottles, and crumpled chip bags and hurls it at Masamune. It hits the base of the statue, far below damaging the One-Eyed Dragon himself, but the glass cracks under the force of being thrown, tearing through the plastic and causing trash and shards to explode all over the steps. Ryuji’s chest is heaving as he stares down at what he’s done.

“Impressive.”

He whirls around at the voice behind him, stomach lurching straight to the ground when he sees who it was. “In his years of war, I doubt that anyone’s ever tried throwing waste in his direction in order to defeat him.”

“Yusuke,” he breathes, feeling his frustration draining away to make room for even more guilt, if that was even possible. Ryuji cannot possibly look any more of an asshole than he does right now—tearing his throat raw in a public space, surrounded by the garbage he had thrown at a national monument in front of a guy who clearly worships and respects art that’s old as hell. “Sorry, I’ll clean it up, I promise. I was just…” he hesitates. “Talking to myself.”

Yusuke hums, unconvinced, and carefully approaches the mess in front of him. Ryuji waves him off. “No, don’t. Broken glass is a bitch, especially the little pieces. If that gets in your skin, it’s game over. You’d have to go into the hospital for sure.” He grimaces. “Trust me. My dad used to throw beer bottles at our place like he was in a ball game, and that ain’t fun, I promise you that.”

“I see.” Turning around, Ryuji hoped that he was magically going to head back to the group and not mention this to anyone there, but instead Yusuke stopped in front of a water fountain. “You’re right. If you’re not careful, it could be very easy to hurt yourself when dealing with broken glass.” Pulling out a handkerchief from his breast pocket in a way that only Yusuke can, he soaks it in water before crouching down at the shards glimmering under moonlight. “But if you use wet fabric to dab it on the shards itself—” he pats the concrete and flips the fabric over, revealing the moist and glistening pieces stuck on its side. “You can clean up the pieces with little to no danger.”

“Huh.” After a moment, he realizes that he’s making Yusuke do the dirty work for him. “Pass me that. Thanks for the tip, but I can take it from here. I mean,” he rubs the back of his neck. “It’s totally my fault that the glass is here anyway.”

He doesn’t look up from his task, eyes focused and movement meticulous. “No need. If you’d like to help, you can start picking up the non-dangerous litter around us.”

Ryuji does as he’s told, wincing as he has to pick up sticky, pop-soaked wrappers with his bare hands but he doesn’t complain. Karmic retribution has never held back against him. “The glass thing,” he starts, squatting down and picking up empty cans and plastic utensils with curry remnants still stuck to them. “They teach you that in Kosei?”

“No, from one of Madarame’s past pupils actually.” Yusuke shifts over to dab at another glass-covered section, concrete looking clearer with every pat. “Sensei had a rather violent habit of hurling canvases at the wall if they do not meet his standards, and his actions had led to many of our more fragile belongings being shattered when he did.” His tone doesn’t change, but Ryuji can see his shoulders tighten. “At least it allowed me to move away from that house very quickly, considering I had very little to pack away.”

Ryuji opens his mouth to comfort him. Instead, he finds himself speaking in a low tone. “Glad that bastard is rotting in jail,” he resists the urge to spit on the ground. “Then afterwards, I hope he rots in hell, just to really cover all of our bases.”

That pulls a chuckle out of Yusuke. “Thank you,” he smiles, and all Ryuji can do is nod. There isn’t much you can say after that without making it weird. But how weirder can it possibly get when the two of you are off towing around someone’s perception of the world on a daily basis?

They continue to work in silence; the wind is gentle, but it’s enough to rustle the leaves and allow Ryuji to feel some relief from the summer heat. He’s picking up wet paper tissues, and it’s gross, but it’s nice to be doing something with his hands.

He’s just about done his part of the clean-up when he can’t take it anymore. “Aren’t you gonna ask?”

“No,” Yusuke answers without looking up. That’s another thing that Ryuji really appreciates about him—playing dumb has never been something that he’s done to get out of an awkward situation. To be fair though, Yusuke himself is an awkward situation.

“Why not?”

“Did you want me to?”

That question makes him pause, and Yusuke doesn’t wait for an answer. “You’ve always been the most vocal in the group, and while many a time it has been our downfall in terms of secrecy, I have always considered it one of your strong points. And if you, Sakamoto Ryuji, are indeed struggling with using your words,” Yusuke’s eyes turn to him. “Then it must be very difficult to talk about.”

A beat passes. “No,” Ryuji mutters. “I don’t want you to ask.”

“Then I won’t,” he says easily. “But I do have a question.”

“Lay it on me.”

Yusuke shuffles to crouch down next to him, and it’s kinda weird seeing someone as elegant as him pose like some kind of hoodlum. “Does Akira know about your struggle?”

His mind flashes back to the confused look back in the RV and he scratches his neck roughly. “I bet he does now.”

Yusuke leans back, shocked. “He doesn’t know?”

“I’m getting there! Don’t pressure me, man. You said it yourself, I’m fucking struggling.”

“Well, yes, I did say that, but it’s Akira,” he says the name almost reverently. “I’d be surprised if he doesn’t sense that something is askew.”

“I just said that, didn’t I? Goddamn, you and Ann are just two of the same peas in the same freaking pond, aren’t you?”

“It’s ‘pod’, Ryuji,” he corrects. “Ann is aware?”

“She—” Ugh, how does he explain that she thinks she knows, but really he had lied about what he told her? “She basically knows.” And because his fat mouth just keeps getting fatter, “She’s sort of part of the problem.”

Yusuke’s eyes widen and Ryuji hurries to cover up for his mistake. “She’s not a problem, it’s just that I didn’t explain…It’s really my fault, and how I deal with internal shit, you know what I’m saying? And Ann’s just kind of in the crossfire, so what ended up happening is when I talk to her about what I’m feeling, I end up just feeling worse.” He winces. First he lies to her and now he’s shit-talking her? “I did not say that. What I really mean is that, uh, feelings...and actions...are complicated,” he finishes weakly.

“I see,” he says finally.

It seems that even Yusuke has a threshold for uncomfortable moments, because he rises to his feet. “Thank you for sharing all of that with me.”

“Uh, yeah, for sure. Thanks for the glass trick.”

“No need to mention it. It’s much easier to clean up a mess when you have someone helping you.” He points vaguely behind himself, “Would you like to head back together? I’m sure by now the festivities are winding down, and the trash you were so keen on disposing of has definitely been thrown away.”

Ryuji blanches. It grossed him out that he forgot he was holding an armful of garbage in his hand. “You go ahead. I just need to,” he rocks his arms, almost cradling the wet garbage. “Throw this out.”

“Very well. I’ll see you when you get back, then.”

He waves at him, and Ryuji wiggles in response (unless he wants it all hitting the ground and restarting that whole process again, which, no thanks.) After dumping it all into a nearby trash can, the process of which lasts several minutes since he still had to sort out the recycling, he feels a buzz in his pocket.

KA: come back when you can KA: i miss you

He takes a shaky breath.

SR: on my way

[shotosimp1]

naps

sugawara x GN!reader.

Authors note: helloooo this is my first ever fic so if I did something wrong or its low key cringe don't hate me lmaoo so this fic is basically that you're daichis sibling and you and sugawara are like close friends who love taking naps togather I don't want to spoil anything so I'm going to stop here. ⚠️Important note⚠️: when suga is talking the text colour is purple. And when you're talking its blue :D genre: fluff. warnings: nothing but if there is dont be afraid to tell me! Here is this playlist i made for this fic i hope you like it! :D

being daichi's sibling came with its pros and cons. I cant lie to you he is a good brother but that doesnt mean he isnt protective of you. And no, no boyfriends. But the best thing about being daichis sibling is that you would get to spend time with the one and only crush of yours sugawara koushi. Everything about him just made you happy. He is so caring and sweet you just couldn't halp yourself from falling for him. And because sugawara and daichi met in middle school they were very close. And with that he came over to hang out like at least once a week. You didn't mind as long as daichi let you be around for a bit you just wanted to be around cutie

And with that you and him would chat every now and then Just getting to know each other more. Both of you would talk about your hobbies and interests and life etc. You just found him so interesting you just kept wanting to be around him more and more. And daichi as the good brother he is will try to leave you two alone for a couple of minutes to have a good conversation together and would excuse himself with "oh im going to the bathroom" or " um im going to get a snack" and it works too!!

Finals were close and the boys, daichi suga and asahi came over to study it was their second year and you were a first year student. Suga would help you study and help you understand the things you couldn't and all that jazz. You felt kinda flustered whenever he says "good job!!" And gives that warm smile of his. It was around 1:12 pm and all of you were too focused on your work and didn't remember lunch....Yeah I know unbelievable. "Mmmm god I'm so hungry" "shoot we didn't eat lunch" daichi said looking at the clock "its 2 something pm there is still time for that just go order _______ or something" -"ahh your probably right" asahi said "okay okay should we all go get _______ i mean we should get our mussels movi-" "im not going anywhere im tired" "okay fine what about you asahi?" -daichi- "sure" "and what about you ____?" -asahi- "nahh I would rather stay sorry.." "eh its okay we'll get going yeah?" -daichi- " yeah let's go" -asahi- and boom you two are alone.

"You look kinda sleepy" he said as he chuckled for about. 10 minutes both of you were kinda silent he was laying on his tummy on the sofa while you sat on the floor near the desk you were studying on. "Kinda actually" "oh? Well mabye you should take a nap" "sure.. but uh you look sleepy too" "hm? Oh yeah i am " you both laughed a bit. "Wanna sleep in my room? It would be more comfortable there?" " well what about you?" "My bed is big i will be just finee" seconds after you said that he starts..to grin? "Ooou you wanna sleep with me that bad?" "You're honestly making me regret my choices." "Hey!" "You can sleep on the sofa bye bye!" You said as your going to your room and him of course following you.

"Cute room kinda messy tho" he laughed " can you leave me and my "messy" room alone" "fine fine" he said chuckling. Both of you layed on the bed and him falling asleep almost instantly from how tired he was. It was peaceful sleeping next to him. I mean yes you were blushing at the thought of him being so close to you but it still felt so peaceful and nice. You turned around to face him. It sounds like too much but he looked like an angle. You stared at his features for quit a while.. he's just so nice to look at. "Can't sleep?" "what the hell!? You scared the living shit out of me!" He laughed. He asked you again "can you not sleep?" " yeah actually" you said still mad at him for scaring you like that. He asked if he can come closer and you said yes. He but a hand on the back of your head and gently guiding it to his chest. And with that your head is on your crushes chest. You tried your best to not show how surprised and flustered you were. "Do you feel comfortable? Can i put my hand on your back? it would feel even better" "s-sure I don't mind" he started to rub soothing circles on your back. Seconds after that you fell asleep..in his mf arms ahh.

"Sorry we took so long the line there was kinda long" No response. Both asahi and daichi left the house for about an hour. They looked around the living room to see that no one was there. "Hm that's wierd" -asahi- daichi agreed as he went to check your room to see if your there. "Oh.my.god." asahi heard him and went to see what's up. "Wait aww that's kinda cute" "what! No its not!" Asahi laughed at how angry he was from just seeing his best friend cuddling his younger sibling. "Hey..hey! HEY!!" "Hmm what what do you want cant you see were sleeping here ugh" " yeah i CAN see and get your filthy-" " why are you so mad? Its not like I did something to them I was just helping them sleep" " I mean he has a point..plus I'm sure its just a nap" -asahi- "ugh fine...CAN YOU ATLEAST MOVE YOUR HAND OH MY GOD" "Why are you yelling...?" You said as you got woken up from your brothers yelling "its nothing..get up its time to eat" daichi said as he went downstairs to eat. Asahi mouthed a 'sorry' to both of you and went to fallow him. "Did you sleep well? I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable or anything.." "No no!! It.. it was nice thank you" "great!! Let's go downstairs now im starving..." you both laughed as you went downstairs to eat.

From that day whenever the both of you found the chance to nap together you would do it. Suga tired from practice? nap time! Stressed? Nap time! Sad? Nap time! It's like both of you were nap buddies and you loved it. Daichi couldn't really do anything at this point. Don't get me wrong he was SO happy when you actually found someone to hang out with and actually be comfortable around. But he just didn't like the fact that the both of you were so touchy its like you guys were dating. But you always denied him saying "no no he's just a close friend nothing else!!!!" Until...

It was a Saturday night you and suga were in your room watching a barbie film. It was a chill night both of you got snacks and watched the movie in peace. sugawara kept giving you these side eye glances every now and then you noticed them but didn't say anything. It was the last 20 minutes of the movie and he did it again but this time it was a side glance his eyes were fully on you. "What?" He giggled and said nothing. You were confused a bit so you paused the movie and looked at him. "Is there something on my face?" "No..you just look pretty" he smiled. Both of you were eye to eye and very close. His eyes would go from your eyes to your lips as he came even closer. He gently took your hand in his as he said "can i kiss you?" You were in shock your heart was beating as you nodded. It was gentle and sweet you swore you could right a whole essay about how that kiss was the best thing you have ever experienced. "AHM AHM!!!" Both of you pulled away almost instantly as you saw daichi standing in your bedrooms doorstep "listen- its not what it looks like okay??" "Uhuh..koushi have you been dating my sibling behind my back?" "WHAT? no!! I swear-" "come downstairs cuz we have some stuff to discuss here"

You sat there confused but genuinely so happy 'I kissed him..' 'holy shit i actually kissed him!!' your mind was running with thoughts 'wait what if we start dating?' 'Oh my god!!!!' 'Wait what did daichi mean when he said "discuss some things"??' "Hey im back..." he smiled nervously at you "oh hi!" He smiled as he sat down on the bad next to you "um suga" "yes?" "what did my brother 'discuss' with you downstairs?" "You know "don't hurt their feelings!!" And "don't even think about cheating on them!" And he may or may not threatened to kill me if I did" you giggled "all that because of a kiss? Its not like were dating" " ..Well what would you do if I asked you to be my partner right now hm?" "Uhhh!!??!!? I- I dont know mabye say yes or something" he laughed "well then do you want to be my lovey dovey partner?" You giggled a bit as you nodded "tsk, man i kinda wanted to hear you say "yes please please i do!!" Oh well.." "really suga.."

I hope you guys liked it ♡ again this is my first time ever writing fics so I hope its not that bad

[kreidewaltz]

YEAR END LOVE.

happy holidays and advance happy new year everyone!! this was supposed to be for christmas but.. yeah hope u had a great time w your loved ones <33 this is for my friends who helped me get thru shitty times, who made me laugh so hard, and made me feel appreciated :) to my mutuals, thank u for taking ur time to talk to me!! any interactions from u guys makes me so so happy <3 im proud of you for getting through this year!! this is gonna b a long one .. hehe <3 sorry if i didn't mention u!! i still love u :( this is in no particular order dw dw ily all d same

to my followers, mutuals, and people who likes my stuff in general ツ

AAAAAAA guys ily you rock !! thank u for supporting me and just being there for me (esp for the ones who listened and stayed w my shit !!) ty for liking, reblogging about my stuff, or just interacting w me!! pls pls talk to me let's have some good convo hehe i hope no one will send me or any blog hate bc that isn't cool >:( happiness and love only are allowed people!!!

@sunakissses ツ

my bestie, my bae, babe <3 you rock val if im honest :( even tho we haven't been friends for a long time, we just clicked !! and yeah talking to u is just makes me at ease n u have that comfy vibes :)) and our interactions r so funny and wholesome <33 i just love when im talking to ya you know :(( and idk i love ur supportive aura whenever i do something hehe :( lets keep going next year and be more closer >:) and yes u and suna r going to be the cat's first ever aunt and uncle <3

@romaune ツ

okay .. the literal meaning of sunshine, yes you gracie baby :( you're so wholesome i wanna cry thats me 2 u !! i love your aura and just everything, i get so excited when u reply to my asks fr, because ure so enthusiastic n i like that a lot !!! :( ik we don't talk a lot yet but from our interactions (or just us screamin abt our mans winks) i know i gained a friend, a good n funny friend for that:) and ure so like hinata i wanna squish and hug and talk to!! i love how we scream abt our ongoing suna brainrots HAHA can't forget that <33

@cryoqi ツ

people put ur hands up 4 the coolest person ive met !!!! >:( istg you're so kind and so funny even if thats not ur intention T_T at first i was intimidated by u but then yeah <33 we vibe :( only the real ones know abt us and me bein your bread anon <33 ure rlly great and can't forget d time us and dove sang thru texts ...? yes that i cried while laughing HAHA, and yes i love the way u write 2!! so you and just amazing overall :)) n yeah i like to talk to u a lot in the server !!! ure so funny & relatable at times hihi

@miyasangel ツ

arden bae !!! you're so ... cool and pretty and one of the people i want 2 talk to in here <3 you're like cool and the way you write is chefs kiss >:( and i love it whenever we talk abt random things AHSHS and when we talk abt atsumu <33 i love love that !! n yeah good thing i interacted w u b4 on ur old blog and get to talk to you more !!! i was so shy n nervous while sending you asks sometimes LMAO idk why :(( ure rlly a great friend <3 n i think u also became a factor on why im liking inarizaki :D

@cafemiya ツ

omg hail to issy !! i know we don't talk that much yet but i literally like u a lot >:( you're rlly great w your long fics !! n handmade heaven lead me to you and ur asks <3 and you're so chaotic too HAHA i like that :) dw ill always shower u w compliments bc u so deserve it bby !!! and i squeal sometimes when u reply to my asks w the same energy :(( n yes i just love you and your vibe in general <3 and im so excited 4 the collab !!! <3 thanks for reaching me out hehe or my slowburn fic journey wont happen :( anw ily and keep slayin issy baby!!!! :D

@kuro0luvr ツ

omg kieran .. the big phat supporter of chlojime is here people !!! <3 i just love loooove talking to you esp in the server & we scream abt anything n everything :( and thank u for always giving me support and everyone else when we're down!! you're one of my sunshines 2 :( i love how we just talk and instantly b close friends you know!! even tho we dont chat like in dms we r so close hehe :( and yes ill never forget how happy u got when i complimented that u have akaashi vibes <3 ty for being a good friend n supporter to me :(((

@oikawasbliss ツ

milo everyday !!! >:) i missed our interactions tbh :( you're just so chill n i vibe w u a lot!! your themes omg i want em its so aesthetic and everything <3 and uhm i love ur love for oikawa >< i mean who wouldn't but whenever i see smth kawa related i think of u immediately T_T and yes ure just so so cool :(( lets talk more soon gah and maybe talk abt aot hehe smirks <3 and yes i just like ur themes and vibe a lot <3 lets talk more soon gah >:)

@himichii ツ

I KNOW we didn't talk really like until few weeks ago but ... you're so funny and kind n lowkey sweet HAHA u were so intimidating before i can't talk 2 u <//3 but im glad i did !! not me writin this and listening to the playlist u made for me :( omg thank u for that and the other that u posted, i felt nostalgic and (good) sad on d inside <3 HAHS lets talk more omfg idk what 2 say :( OH oh ure a greatt writer :( the angst u sent yesterday made me sad gah <3 let's talk more in the new years!!! :(

@hajimine ツ

oml lexy bae where do i start??? omg ily like <3 because you're so nice n sweet n so funny 2!! glad i started participating in your ask games and on that we became friends hehe :( i love how we just talk abt anything on your asks <33 like ur life keeps me entertained HAHA and when u became more chaotic n all that .. i liked it!!! :( and oh u write so well if u didnt know >:( can't wait 4 more interactions w you bae !! <3 and ugh omg ily <3 literally cannot express how much :( you have good vibes n i wanna have that too !! and love how we just scream over one man ;D

@lcaita ツ

omg kai ... hi <3 HAHS sorry if im so awkward wtf but ure so cool and so funny !!! i like ur vibes always even tho ure not always around <3 and when youre around i just get happy !!! >< for some reason i love ur name hehe and uhm i love ur aesthetics hehe on ur acc !!! >:) and yes thank u for being a kind friend hehe :( lets talk more next yr abt anything!!! maybe abt ur mans (kaashi, semi, others) hehe ;)

@kemochie ツ

nea !!! i just . wanna say that you're a sweet human being :( and deserve the world :( ik we didnt interact much yet but !!! i love u already n your aura in general <3 and i just get soft on ur username for some reason T_T i love our little interactions from time 2 time n i wanna boost that more on the new years!! <3 idk i like u :( that's it thats my say :(

@nightmareupondaydream ツ

kana baby !!! im so grateful for u whenever u send me sweet words at random times ... and when i need it <3 and i missed our chats in dms :( lets do it again sometime !! im gonna be here for u okay :( and you're so sweet fr i love u,, and yeah just talkin about how shitty life is or how my writing goes, let's do that on the new years oki!! <3333

@ravscrii ツ

thank u for being there like really >< ik u have own probs to solve but you still helped me :( ty for being a great listener and supporter hehe <3 u deserve great things !!! and pls dw okay we're good even tho we arent talking that much :( i miss that hehe n ure a kind and funny person ASHS esp in the server ur replies n everything make me laugh :( lets talk more soon like the old times AAAAAA i miss it hehe <3 and goodluck on genshin HAHA pls entertain me w it even tho i don't play </3

@rintaroll ツ

olivia babe <3 omg i missed u sorry 4 not checking on u :( forgive me <//3 just wnna say u totally made my 2020 better n a little more bearable <3 i like ur vibes sm and ur name .. olivia wow i like it :( and oh you're so aesthetic like ur blog in general ??? hello pls step on me :( and u also influenced me (for some reason) to like tsumu more ?! which i dont mind at all .. i like it when we scream over tsumu or i tease u n him getting horknee :D yeah and god i can't forget the time we fangirled over gojo on ur asks ... and u sent me gojo gifs which made me scream <3 one of my unforgettable moments w ya!!

to my hajime anon + mod ツ

thank u for always being here :( and you just chatting w me makes me so happy <3 i hope you'll see this hehe and just thank u and ily yknow :( when im down or happy, or shitty you're just there, supporting me always <3 im so grateful for that!! and hajime anon mod ily :( thank u for taking ur time to chat w me and make me so happy hehe <3 take ur time okay :)

to my baby, stella ツ

AAAAAAA idk if you'll see this but shoot me an ask if u saw :( uhm i love ur vibes and you're so cool !! promise <3 and your theme changes r always so beautiful <3 pls pls i love you so much agh im so worried when u deactivated :( pls dont overwork okay whenever ure working :( i love talkin to u always in ur asks !!! ure so sweet and lovely grr >:( u deserve all d good things okay ily stel :((

[pinkykitten]

hey can I get a ship with on my block, to all the boys I've loved before and marvel?? I'm a spanish girl, brunette with short hair, my eyes are brown and im a curvy girl, I'm really insecure about my self and I'm im really funny and protective with the people I love,I love cuddles, kisses and all that things, I dance, I'm really good at makeup and I love music. I really dont have a type? like I just want a person who loves me for what I am because I'm not perfect. Thank you so much 💜

hola fellow latina! you sound like a true romantic.

wanna get shipped with someone ask here you can ask as many characters as you want

click here for fandoms list

I ship you with:

ON MY BLOCK - CESAR DIAZ 

first of all hispanic ugh hello youd fit right in the group sis. cesar would see you a notice how timid you are and super chill and thats different from his CRAZY STRESSFUL CRAZY OF A BROTHER i mean stressful gang life and when he gets to know you he loves how its so easy to talk to you. you are so smart and you dont care about the material things of this world, all you care about are your friends safety and that shows a lot to cesar. when he sees how protective you are of your friends he smiles and thinks thats super attractive because what he was taught from spooky is when you make your own gang your own group you do anything to protect them and keep them safe. he cant see how your insecure because he thinks youre beautiful inside and out honey yasss own that lol sorryimtoomuchillbequiet. he tries to prove your beauty all the time and show you how special you are to him and when he like almost dying on the streets he went to you for comfort but he tried not to worry you cause he know you are super protective of him. loves cuddling with you and when you cuddle with him its like he won the lottery. omg sis you love dancing are you sure you love dancing cause you know with us hispanics thats pretty much meant you have opened yourself to a new cult im just sayin. when your friends and cesar realize sh*t this girl can dance heck they pretty much make you the spot light at olivia’s quinceanera. and jasmine kinda gets crazy with you which cesar always apologizes for cause lets be honest jasmine cray cray but we love her so much she is like the best person. and at the valentines day dance cesar loves to get *cough* super sexual with his dances so its sensual and romantic. and also cesar likes that you are imperfect cuz he da*n well aint perfect either but cesar doesnt want that he just wants his girl by his side and love on her. also with the makeup you always whether in the store or buying products new you always try it first on cesar, he looks very beautiful. but even at home you did a makeup look on him and cesar then did you lets just say you looked a little like un chola had sex with a kardashian and it did not look good. 

TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE - PETER KAVINSKY

my man is about that party life style and being super popular it hurts my homeschool heart. but you show no really interest in the cool kid you legit are minding your own business and that kinda shocks peter cuz everybody wants to know him get his phone number everything but you are so different from the other girls. he likes how you have your own style. in this time in highschool kids are bullies and are hurting other kids and he sees you are kind to everyone around you and will stand up to bullies when they are hurting your friends. he knows some of his friends are fake and are just with him cuz hes popular so you make him rethink this whole friend thing. he takes you on so many dance dates cuz he loves to watch you move. like during a boardwalk date if there is music playing there he loves that you wring him over and dance with him like the feeling of having your presence and you in his arm makes him melt. you love kisses well so does this light pole! he gives you forehead kisses, cheek kisses, lips kisses, every where kisses and in public because he wants you to see that you mean so much to him. he kinda crazy tho cuz if you start with how your insecure peter will legit scream on the top of his lungs any where dont matter if its school or a restaurant he will scream how much he loves you and tell everyone that you are his girl. peter is always taking you out to buy makeup he thinks youre the best at it so he takes you to all the shops and you can buy whatever. 

MARVEL - PETER MAXIMOFF

another peter i love this boy too much like fam fam fam look at my boi! ok peter is like a child that ate 2,000 churros and skittles at the same time he is like a boi on a sugar rush and you go with the flow of things but he on another level that no one can achieve. he talks super fast with you because hes nervous and hes peter. loves to play pac man oh im sorry MS. pac man but why is it called man idk i DONT MAKE THE RULES. anywho when you are playing that game he likes to go behind you and kiss behind your ear your neck a top your head and just have his hands all over you rubbing on you. one day as a prank peter legit makes it look like he messed with your makeup and he has a stupid dopey smile on his face. you wanna beat his a*s but then he shows it was a prank. loves to show off that hes an x men and that he works with frickin hank and professor x like he thinks he a million bucks. you love to dance but not with him he dances sometimes too fast but when he is serious and romantic peter will take things slow even though he wants to carve his heart out and make it run a 3,000k run. he runs to the store for you to buy you whatever you want makeup food music he just loves to see your smile. he cant see why your insecure because he finds you so precious and gorgeous that when you talk like that he usually does something super extra why oh why did god grant you these powers peter. peter runs really fast on the street cement so fast to the point where there are like tire marks and it says that he loves you forever and ever and so the whole world can see it. he also does this thing like when hes in trouble he will run past you nonnie super fast and in circles so you dont catch him. peter loves to cuddle with you and he is very protective over you and whenever youre in trouble or hurt he will come to the rescue first cuz you are the love of his life but then cuz he is an x-men and he will make sure you laugh and are always happy with him and he will always protect you and keep you safe. 

[itsjusta]

TAAS2 NI DOEEE HEHEHE READ EVERYTHING HUUUH!!

Feb 15 (Mon)

i got so busy in da hapon doe 🥺 i cleaned da cr huhu im so kapoyyy and then i felt a little kulbaan doeee cos nag huna2 ko sako sched sa mon-wed dis week issa so busy doeee :((( i have to do pa today one assignment and then practice for our prelims then finalize half of my midterms theeeen study for ur philo HAHAHAHAH aissshhh i also feel very kahilakon doeee idk and my arms kay murag ga kurog2 doe :(( aish im too busy for these feelings!!!!

4:15 pm —— i was doing my assignment but idkkkk my heart is beating fast jd doeee and my arms feel numb and ga kurog2 and i have this kulbaan feeling :((( UGH issa need to take a break :(( also wanna cry but i cant cry doeee but i eventually cried na dayon doeee

i also didnt continue to work nalang doeee issa i dont feel well physically and emotionally hahahha 😟 im back to working doe and i cried a looootttt cos im writing about love HAHAHAH

but the practice was cancelled sooo i started na my surprise for u para mas less2 ako i do ugmaaa i started na the peanut butter bars unta lang di ma epic fail uyyy or basin di diay ta mag kita sa wed hilak ko!!!!

Feb 16 (Tues)

issa wake up ko so early kay gi wake up ko sako groupmates and aishhhh so busy na dayon mi prac and do sa amo midterms!!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ and i’m so sleepy na gyd doeee huhu

so kapoy ni nga day doe cos whole day atubang sa screen issa maka drain doe and maka labad sa head issa wa gyd ko na do nga acads kay mag utro pami reshoot so sayang effort but sge nalang doeee huhuhu alsooo excited for my surprise tooom hope u like it :((((

Feb 17 (Wed)

Woke up at 7:30!!! so early so sayo pd ko nag cook for your giftsss and for our lunch hehehe im always excited to cook for u doe and give u gifts 🥺🥺🥺 and aishhh im really happy doe that u still laag hereee issa when i’m with u i feel safe gyd doe 🥺🥺🥺 u give me so much comfort gyd doe thank u sooo much 🥺🥺 even though u dont say it, i know u care a lot for me gyd doeee (or maybe assuming lang ko hahahah) but aishhh thank u for keeping me in your life :((

i’m sorry i cried a lot doeee huhu idk also but aishhh its hard for me to let go of you gyd doeee and moments like this issa makes me realize na i still have so much love for u gyd doe :((( issa both tears of joy and sadness man to kanina!! hahahha im happy na u still make time for me doeee and im happy gyd that i get to be with youuu but also sad cos aishhh issa i know everything is so hard gyd doe and usahay ra au ta makauban huhu what i said was true doeee that i will endure everything basta its for ur happiness!! hehhe u know i’ve endured sooo much the past months but i never got angry with u gyd doeee cos i know u were happy man with your decisions!!! heheh i can never hold bad feelings for u gyd doeee my heart is just full of gratitude and love for u!!!! i just want u to be happy saimo life doeee career, acads, family life, with friends, and saimo gf doeee heheh even though its so sakit for me but i just want gyd na mahappy ka heheh and aishhh im happy gyd doe nga part pako saimo lifeee 🥺🥺 im happy that u talk to me pa doeee and that i still get to be with youuu heheh makes me happy that you’re there for me whenever i have chikaaa!!!! thankkkkk youuu eriiiiccc!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

and giving gifts is one way i can show how much i appreciate you doeee :((( and thank youuuu for making me feel cared for and special :((( issa u always make me feel lyk dat gyd doeee with ur hugs and kisses thank u :(((( and aish i get so soft for u gyd doe esp when u cry huhuhu dont cry na ok!!!! i’m happy this way man heheh i’m happy doe that u still let me show my love for u and im happy and grateful that u keep me in ur life doe 🥺 i just always hope and pray that my heart can endure watching u love another doe just until i can move on hehe and i think my heart is getting stronger naman doe but aish there are just times gyd that i cannot kaya it heheh but das okay ryttt!! thank youuu kaayo for coming here doeee thank u for giving me your time and for the effort!!! i appreciate it so much doe cos i know its hard gyd to come visit me with your situation now but u still make time for me gyddd thank youuuuu 😭😭😭❤️❤️

anddd how r u doe??? maulaw ko ask in person doe idk why :((( i hope you’re okay lang also haaaa maybe hurting napd ka there :((( i want u to be genuinely happy doeee and i will also get there soon!! apas rako!!! ❤️

Feb 18 (Thurs)

started my day early cosss we had to shoot sa gmeet doeee heheh its a nice day doe idk why!! the weather is nice heheh also i chika to u about khalid doeee hahaha shhh lang ok!!! 🤣 issa i got scared doe i just inbox zone him HAHAHHAHA di jd ko ga entertain ug mga laki doeee cos i dont have gana gyd to talk to others doe!! issa just want to be single lang gyd doeee cos di pako ready also wa pa gani ko ka move on!!! hahahahha

dis day was nice and chill lang doeee i did ur finman hehhe and had an exam dayooon and watched kdrama with mom!! pa tatt nako toooom OMGGG are u excited for me too?!!

Feb. 19 (Fri)

got my first tatt ommgggg it was sakit doeee but kaya lang!!! heheh i was also so excited to chika gyd to u doeee but i know galaag ka busa i have to wait doeee :((( aish issa ka cry dayon ko cos why am i so excited to talk to someone na naay lain priority :((( HMP KALUOY BA AYA!! HAHHAHA but aishhh issa i prefer lang like dis doe kesa i will pugos myself to entertain and talk to others issa cannot gyd doe cos i really dont have the gana hehhe just letting myself cry and maoy now doeee it’s just times like these when i realize how painful this situation is doe

also read this quote on ig dayon nga “I suppose I’ll just keep loving you, until one day it ends.” 🥺🥺 aish made me cry again cos i think this is what i’m gonna do gyd doeee and i hope u just let me love you until then doeeee 🥺 be happy and inlove with another doeee i’ll just be by your side loving you hehe and thank u for letting me love you and be in ur life!!! i dont think my love for u will end doe but u know what i mean hehe thank u cos u not shutting me out or pushing me away hehehe issa i’m sorry i always sorry doeee its just dat i feel like i’m putting u in a bad place :(( but ahhh i appreciate you so much doe and everything u do for me!! :((( thank u also for being so supportive and appreciative for meee aishhhh thank u for making me feel special 😭

Feb 20 (Sat)

happy marriage anniv to ur parents doeee!!! hehehe

woke up at 9:30 then cooked carbonara hehe gitiwas nalang nako pasta smol nalang maaan tired ko uy hehe issa rest day also today from acads doeee issa uban man ko there ila ate sweet and issa tambay2 lang ko there doeee tas pag uli so tayurd ko ka nap ko sa byahe and sa house kadjot hehe then at night watch lang ko kdrama sa room ni mom hehehe issa i like having no acads to do!!

Feb 21 (Sun)

soooo tugnaaaaw cos there’s a bagyo i woke up at 10 na!!! issa grabe ako kurog2 uy heheheh ion like dis weather issa so colddd dili ko ka lihok2 ug ayo cos tugnaw!!

issa also cried today cos aish i remembered our memories doeee and how we were so clingy with each other esp me 🥺🥺 issa like di jd ta agwanta not mag kita dugay doe and di pd ta sumhan sa each other hahahaha we were sumpay tinae gyd!!! aishh idk dali ra gyd kyko maka cry basta maka think ko about you or about sato past doeee issa aish cannot contain gyd emotions :((( and even if now i dont get the same effort from u doe its okaaay becos i chose this man pddd i chose to be in your life gihapon hhehe and aishhh lets just sulit dis doeee i want to sulit pd nga maka talk pako saimoha cos maybe a year from now dili na doeee!! maybe pila ka months imo nako i shoo shoo saimo life!!!! hhahahah but thank u doeee cos i know u want to keep me in ur life gihapon bahala lisod 🥺🥺 thank u im touched huh!!!

[softforcal]

hey, it’d be super cool if you wrote headcanons about slytherin!calum and slytherin!michael being in a poly relationship with a shy hufflepuff. love your writing, by the way, you’re doing great!!!

SLYTHERIN CAL X SLYTHERIN MICHAEL X HUFFLEPUFF READER

-Malum is a mood. straight up.

-okay so you’re the cutest fucking Hufflepuff ever

-and for sure the Snakes have noticed

-Slytherins all secretly adore the innocence of Hufflepuffs, especially you

-you catch Michael’s eye first but soon his best friend Calum notices you too which is when things start to get BIG

-Because Cal is team captain for his Quidditch team and he is a known ladies man, but in a way, so is Michael. he’s known to be a fucking tease.

-so you have two hardcore, dominant, intimidating Slytherins with their eyes on you ALL the time

-you don’t even notice until someone points it out

-and then it’s all you notice

-and they go everywhere together

-you get jittery whenever they’re around and they eat that shit up

-but they hang back, still not approaching and that’s almost making it worse for you because they’re looking and not doing anything

-they’re laughing their asses off about it back in the Slytherin common room because they can see how intimidated you are

-”okay but we actually have to do something.” Michael states

-”yeah.” Cal agrees

-from the start they’re down for Polyamory. they’re buds AF and they have ‘tag teamed’ before so this isn’t abnormal for them

-but they’ve only ever tag teamed during sex so this is sort of new because they’re both interested in you as a person not just a fuck

-because you are adorable and you’re making them both so soft with every cute little movement you make

-so one day you’re walking down the hall when two people show up next to you and you freeze when you realize it’s the Slytherins

-”where you headed?” Michael asks.

-”to study-”

-”great, you can study with us.” Cal grins, his arm going over your shoulders

-he’s super cocky but you don’t try to fight it so he knows its chill

-they take you to a side tower that doesn’t get used anymore and it’s pretty vacant, perfect place to study on the steps

-there’s a flat area at the top of the tower with windows so it’s actually super nice?

-but Michael would stare at your ass the entire time you’re going up the steps to the top of the tower

-Cal is pretty quiet but he can do small talk whereas Michael gets into some pretty deep shit pretty fast

-and they’re usually pretty intimidating but Michael actually is sort of a complete softy… Cal, still intimidating though

-no studying actually gets done, you just sort of hang out with them and there’s lots to talk about

-Michael is super warm and friendly and cheeky but you can tell he’s toning it down for you but he definitely calls you “puff”

-it gets to be dinner time and you all head back to the great hall, you make a move to sit at your table but Michael grabs you, “not a fucking chance Puff.”

-so they drag you to the Slytherin table

-and all the Slytherins just stare at you because yes, Michael and Calum had flirted with many girls, but they’ve never brought one over

-this shows everyone that they straight up actually like you

-”this is Luke and Ashton.” they introduce you to the blondes you always see together, and you know them because they’re on the Quidditch team and are known to be straight up savages

-but then Ashton smiles at you and shakes your hand and you are #shook

-”so you’re the puff these two have been stalking.” Luke says, earning him a smack from Ashton

-they’re all smooth talking pieces of shit but they seem like cool guys

-you’re kinda shook that you’re sitting at the fucking Slytherin table tbh

-so are all the other Hufflepuffs because as soon as you get back to your dorm they’re all on you about the whole thing

-”you disappeared with Cal and Mikey!” “oh my god where did they even take you?!” “i dont see any hickeys. there would definitely be hickeys.”

-”we just hung out.”

-”well thats no fun.” your entire house was ready to hear about a Hufflepuff Slytherin Kink sandwich because no Hufflepuff had been ‘chosen’ by Malum before because ya’ll too innocent and sweet and they aint about to fuck with that

-but then all you can think about is a ‘Malum sandwich’ because holy fuck

-the next day you go to breakfast and you keep your head down, ignoring the Slytherin stares

-you ignore them the whole breakfast because you know if you look, you’ll start thinking about them fucking you because holy SHIT fam

-from their table, Michael and Calum are grinning because they fucking KNOW whats going on in your head

-once again, when you leave the Greathall, these two fall in step with you

-”hey gorgeous.” Cal grins, charisma just radiating off of him

-You drag the two of them to a semi deserted hallway and they’re both kinda shook that a ‘lil puff’ is dragging them somewhere and being slightly dom

-”what’s gotten into you today princess?” Michael laughs

-”what do you two want?” you asked

-”what do you mean kitten?” Michael teases, pushing some hair out of your face

-of course these fucks are going to make you spell it out for them

-and they’re all tall and gorgeous and you realize how intimidated you are, but in the best fucking way

-like they’re gorgeous

-and you’re alone in a deserted hallway with them

-you realize your back is to a wall and they’re closing in

-you can feel your heart beat and they are gorgeous

-and you’re kinda confused because there are two of them, but at the same time they’ve both been giving you super obvious ‘im into you’ vibes

-”i mean…” your tongue gets tied and Calum grins, “come on puff, use your words.”

-ugh he’s so sexy

-”i mean i think you two are into me. and im confused.” you tried to explain, feeling your skin heat up and your pulse beating rapidly

-”what’s confusing kitten? we are.” Michael grins.

-”there’s two of you.”

-”what about it?” Cal said, voice lower

-you look between the two guys

-”so what are you thinking Princess?” Michael asks, grabbing one of your hands and pulling you closer to him as Cal comes behind you, hands setting on your waist

-”you think you can manage both of us Puff?” Cal asks, breath on your neck

-he grins himself against your bum and you almost moan and you know they havent even done anything yet.

-and Michael’s lips are heavenly as he smiles down at you

-but these Slytherins are fucking teases

-”i don’t know Cal, she’s just an innocent Puff.” Michael grins

-”doesn’t seem that innocent to me.” Cal muses

-(holy fuck fam Malum is life jesus shit)

-”so what is it kitten? are you an innocent little puff or are you going to be a dirty girl for us?” Michael asks

-grabbing his face as soon as he’s done speaking because you don’t have anymore control of yourself

-Michael laughs into the kiss, hands cupping your face as he bites at your lower lip

-meanwhile Calum begins kissing your neck

-your heart is beating out of its chest because you, a lil puff squish, are doing this with two of the biggest baddest Slytherins in school

-you hear voices and pull away from Michael but you’re still squished between them as the voices get closer

-Calum pulls back so you can move away as the voices come around the corner, its a group of Gryffindors and they immediately tense up when they see you with Cal and Michael, “are these guys bothering you Y/N?” one of them asks

-”i’m fine.” you assure him, trying to sound confident even though you totally dont

-Michael snickers behind you and Calum is grinning but the Gryffindors leave and you turn back to them, “so now what?”

-”now we take you on a real date.” Michael states

-”or we could skip that and just take you to the room of requirement,” his voice lowers “it’s got a kinky side.”

-woah

-two very good options

-going on that date and Cal opens up a bit more which is nice but its obvious that none of you can stop thinking about getting back to the room of requirement

-Michael chases you back to the school while you scream and Cal walks but watches with a huge grin

-anyone who sees you with Cal and Michael give you weird looks and lots of Gryffindors make sure you’re okay which is hilarious

-until Michael groans about it being stupid and Cal throws you over his shoulder

-people definitely give you looks about that

-yeah, the room of requirement is forever fucked because it knows what its two Slytherins want

-they’re both Doms but its obvious Cal is the one really calling the shots

-its super wild

-Michael calls you puff or kitten and there’s a lot of praise because holy fuck you’re just a lil innocent puff butt “where the fuck did you learn how to do that?!”

-they’re into marks for sure but you’re just a lil puff so they only mark you where people can’t see

-they don’t push to hard the first time and they let you choose things, like you have to initiate sucking on Calum’s fingers and it makes them both flip out because holy shit

-its just pretty raunchy

-it ends and Michael is super soft and cuddles you but Cal is more chill about it

-tbh, part of you assumes you’re just a fuck and maybe you’ll be fuck buddies with them… until the next morning when they sit next to you at your table and shake the entire Hufflepuff House to the core

-”how’s our puff?” Michael asks, kissing your cheek

-half the table gasps

-”you look tired, wonder why.” Calum grins, kissing your other cheek

-the entire table gasps

-and everyone in the whole hall is looking

-so yeah, you’re not just a fuck

-Michael is super soft on you and that’s obvious

-it’s harder to see that Cal is soft until someone tries to be an ass about you with two guys and he fucks them up

-like after that everyone knows not to say anything about you being with two Slytherins

-they’re hardcore and they’re both teasing little shits who are horny all the time

-Michaels a fan of trying to touch you under the desk in class

-Cal’s more of an arm over the shoulders kinda guy

-going to Cal’s quidditch matches with Michael and cheering him on

-hella rough post game sex because Cal is hyped

-Michael’s such a sneak too so he always finds deserted places for the three of you to go to

-Michael’s more into boobs and Cal’s into ass so it works out pretty well

-they both big fam. i know it. you know it. we all fucking know it.

-so get ready for that cuz woah

-being a Hufflepuff LEGEND because you’re fucking not one Slytherin but two

-like everyone wants the hot gossip fam

-especially since they start coming by and visiting the Hufflepuff common room. Michael tries to make friends with people in your house and Cal’s pretty quiet but he makes an effort too

-everyone is shook

-yeah but sex everywhere all the time

-you just make them both so soft

-Cal loves to play with your fingers, it’s a small thing that shows people how much he adores you

-anytime your Hufflepuff traits come out they tease you but it’s so cute and they adore it when you get shy

-you’re there little puff baby

-they would baby the shit out of you, it’s just a fact

-and not only will they fight anyone who messes with you, but Luke and Ash also like you and they will cut a bitch

-the four most intimidating Slytherins and you have two of them wrapped around your finger and the other two are like brothers

-yeah. no one messes with you.

-this would be THE shit fam. we all know it.

[askthetotallynotcampcamp]

I AM LOVING THE NERRIS X HARRISON CAN I HAVE A FULL STORY OF IT P L E A SE

Ava: of course!! We'll start writing it after we finish the one we're doing now:)

OKAY WE'RE WRITING IT NOW

Okay so it's the next summer and the first day on camp

---------

Nerris: *runs off the bus* HI DAVID!

David: why hello Nerris! Glad to see you here again! Everyone is in the mess all!

Nerris: alrighty thanks! *runs into the mess hall*

Harrison: *is straight up vibin*

Nerris: HARRISON!

Harrison: Hello Nerris!!

Nerris: *runs up to him and hugs him* HIIIII

Harrison: Hey!! *hug yummy* How was your year?

Nerris: oh it was great! I went to Harry Potter world with my parents and got so many wands and capes!

Harrison: That’s awesome!! I didn’t, uh do much with my parents.

Nerris: well um- I missed you!!

Harrison: i missed you too!!

Nerris: *sits next to him* so, did ya do anything for Christmas? *v happy*

Harrison: uhh not really-

Nerris: well you're always welcome to come over my house whenever ya want! *swinging her legs*

David: wow Gwen, harrison and nerris are getting along this year! Isnt that great?

Gwen: yeah, sure. they’re into eachother, though

David: I know you're into trash tv but dont go around shipping our campers!

Gwen: David how stupid are you? Can you not s e e

David: what? They're having a friendly conversation!

Gwen: David come ON- look at them!

David: they arent holding hands or kissing!

Gwen: Okay, well, here’s a shock, you don’t always have to do that to be in love

David: l-love? They're just kids!

Gwen: Oh come ON did you not have crushes as a kid?

David: well- we dont talk about that Gwen! They're probably just really good friends- I guess friends stare at the other person like they're in love- oh my gosh they are! Or at least Harrison is

Gwen: What do you me we don’t talk about that- see you agree with me now!

David: I think Harrison has a thing for her but nerris doesbt have a thing for him- she always ends up fighting with him

Gwen: David you have never been with a girl, have you? That’s how girls hide their FEELINGS

David: no I havent but that's not important! So she hides her feelings by telling him he sucks?

Gwen: ugh you make it sound like you like guys- yes david that is what i am trying to ge through your head

David: oooo I'm gonna make this be their best summer yet *walks up to them* hello guys! So I'm giving out rent information and you and Harrison will be sharing a tent this year! *walks back to Gwen* bam!

Gwen: oh sweet jesus- okay, i’m out this is out of my control now. peace *goes to councilorlrorleoldleldosrs cabin casually*

Nerris: oh yay! Let's go set up our beds! *runs outside to the tents*

Harrison: *S p e e d s to nerris*

Nerris: okay which side do you want buddy!

Harrison: Uh, the left?

Nerris: okay! *throws all her D&D blankets on the bed* ah home sweet home

Harrison: *vibes onto his bed*

Nerris: this may seem like a stupid question, but are ya still doing magic camp this year?

Harrison: Yeah, I haven’t been able to bring my brother back yet *a wkward laugh :”)*

Nerris: *hugs him* I know I'll probably end up yelling at you about something later but you can always talk about it whenever you want if you need to. I'm here

Harrison: Awww!! Thank you Nerris!!

Nerris: oh uh- you're welcome!

Harrison: *h u g*

Nerris: oh- *hugs him back bc shes nerris*

Harrison: *:))))*

Nerris: so, show me your newest trick! Unless you're addicted to hugs *giggles*

Harrison: Oh!! Ok!! *boop capowie flowers magic pew pew* Flowers for you, my lady

Nerris: *red* that was amazing! *claps*

Harrison: I know, right!

Nerris: Imma go get a vase from Gwen for the flowers! *runs to the cabin with the flowers* hey gwen, do have a vase by any chance?

Gwen: uhhh, there might be some in the kitchen. why?

Nerris: *shows her the flowers* Harrison did a new magic trick and gave me flowers!

Gwen: oh wow! that’s nice.

Nerris: yeah! *gets a vase from the kitchen and runs back to their tent* bam, vase

Harrison: Wow okay!! Do you have any new things to show me?

Nerris: yesyesyes!! I got new D&D dice!! *takes out the bag and puts them in her hands* it's even better because me and my dad made them!

Harrison: Oh wow!!! That’s super cool!!

Nerris: I also got a new wand but it was "too big" according to my mom so I couldn't being it *:(*

Harrison: Oh no, you can have one of mine if you want!

Nerris: oh my god really?! Thankyouthankyouthankyou- *hug*

Harrison: *hug :D*

Nerris: it's getting late...do we sleep or be rebels!

Harrison: let’s be rebels!

Nerris: ooooo Harrison the bad boy! *pats a spot next to her on her bed* I brought my tablet teehee

Harrison: *l e a p s onto Nerris’s bed* how rebellious!!

Nerris: you've never stayed up, have you?

Harrison: uhhh, no not really

-after they'd been watching videos for awhile-

Nerris: *rests her head on Harrisons shoulder*

Harrison: *has his arm around Nerris 😳😳*

Nerris: *yawns* I'm tired Harrison...

Harrison: go to sleep!

Nerris: but arent you gonna sleep in your bed? I dont wanna fall asleep on you *sleepy giggles??*

Harrison: you can fall asleep on me if you want *teehee giggle*

Nerris: *sleep*

Harrison: *😳😳* goodnight then- *kisses nerris’s head and goes to sleep ahahahaha*

-3 am-

Nerris: *wakes up* huh... oh- *v red*

Harrison: *sleeps shyly*

Nerris: *cuddles Harrison bc crush*

Harrison: *AWAKENS* huh- oh god-

Nerris: *pretends to be sleeping*

Harrison: uh, *speeds over to his bed and sleeps there bc 😳*

Nerris: *sleep*

Time: it is day kachow

Harrison: *sleep tiem*

Nerris: ugh Harrison wake up I'm boredddddd

Harrison: *SLEEPING*

Nerris: *jumps on him* WAKE UPPPP

Harrison: HUH *IFNSKSNSKSNSKSNSKSNS*

Nerris: oh goodmorning!

Harrison: Hi nerris-

Nerris: hi Harrison! *smiles at him*

Harrison: *:D*

Nerris: *pulls him up but now shes like sitting in his lap😳* so what do ya wanna do today?

Harrison: Uhh, we could see what the rest of the camp is doing? *😳😳*

Nerris: alrighty! *runs out of the tent* meet ya there!

Harrison: *😳😳😳* *speeds out*

-at lunch-

Nerris: *chilling with her food*

Harrison: *w a l k s over to nerris* Hi Nerris!

Nerris: oh hey Harrison!

Harrison: Could I uh, sit next to you?

Nerris: uh yeah I guess

Harrison: Thanks, *s i t* so, how are you?

Nerris: I'm good?

Harrison: cool cool cool *😳😳😳😳*

Nerris: why the hell are you so red? And sweaty? Sick people shouldnt be at camp and you look pretty sick to me *grossed out expression*

Harrison: Hey I’m not sick! You’re the sick one! *😳😳😡😡*

Nerris: Mhm, I dont think my face could even get as red as yours magic boy

Harrison: Oh really? I’ll make it go red with magic

Nerris: still wont be real. Your magic cant do anything against me, it's all silly old tricks *crosses her arms*

Harrison: Your “magic” is just rolling stupid dice and then yelling about it!

Nerris: *holding back tears and walks out of the hall*

Harrison: oh shoot- *regrets all his life choices*

Nerris: *sitting in the tent talking to herself while holding the dice* hes right, you're just stupid dice! You dont do anything! You're worthless! You dont make anything better! You suck nerris! I hate you!- *breaks down*

Harrison: *sp e eds to the tent* Nerris- nerris i’m so so so sorry i honestly didn’t mean it i was just confused and i feel bad and i’m so sorry-

Nerris: no it's fine. You're right. My "magic" isnt even magic, its stupid! They're just a game board a dice! *takes off her hat and cape* it's stupid.

Harrison: nerris- come on, please- it isn’t stupid! it’s really really cool!!

Nerris: that's not what you said a couple minutes ago, is it Harrison?! You called it stupid! If it's really really cool, why didnt you say that? And you werent confused, we've been fighting since the day we met, and you know that.

Harrison: Nerris come on, i really didn’t mean it. If we’re using that logic, then my magic is stupid too. *throws his h a t on the FLOOR* now we both feel stupid, how about that?

Nerris: i-..*hugs him sobbing*

Harrison: hey, uh, it’s okay, don’t cry- *hugs nerris sadly and shyly 👉👈*

Nerris: i- I'm s-sorry * still crying😳*

Harrison: I’m the one who should be sorry, I took it too far. It’s okay, don’t worry about it *pat pat*

Nerris: thank you Harrison *smiles at him and kisses him on the cheek*

Harrison: *😳😳😳😳😳* uhhh, yeah, no p-problem

Nerris: damn you blush easily *giggles*

Harrison: you make it easy to *😳😳*

Nerris: *😳* shut up

Harrison: ha, whos blushing easily now? *picks up nerris’s c a p and c a p e* i believe these belong to you, my lady?

Nerris: *picks up his hat and puts it on his head* there you go my good sir

Harrison: I’m sorry about what i said earlier, that was too much

Nerris: *holds his hands* it's okay Harrison

Harrison: *blushes shyly and cutely* yeah, i guess

Nerris: I'm serious. It's okay. And I'm sorry too, I swear I didnt mean anything. I have to make it up to you- I'll do anything *smiles at him*

[bigskydreaming]

Whats Nightwing and Deathstroke's dynamic? Why does it make you wince? Im not very familiar with it.

Nightwing and Slade actually have a really interesting and compelling dynamic in a lot of ways, that can be really good when written well and really terrible when not. My biggest issue is it is that its not sexual in the comics (Slade is a good thirty years older than him) or in other adaptations that have a version of it, like the Teen Titans cartoon. But fandom being fandom, Dick/Slade is a bigger ship than like, half his actual canon ships, so any new take on it always comes with a big sigh at all the new Dick/Slade shipping that’s gonna crop up or have a resurgence cuz of it. And I’m annoyed enough with YJ right now that I’m not giving them the benefit of the doubt that they’ll do anything new or interesting with it that’s worth having to wade through pages of new Dick/Slade noncon in the months afterwards. Its a ship that generates a lot of non-con fic in particular, or at least my old favorite, ‘dubcon’, with the dubious part of the consent referring to the fact that it usually involves mind control or brainwashing, both tropes that show up a lot in their interactions anyway. (Not that there’s anything dubious about this NOT allowing for consensual anything, just that people love to call it dubcon because….fuck if I know).

But anyway….in the comics, Deathstroke is a mercenary who’s one of the Titans’ earliest and most iconic enemies. Though at various times and depending on who’s writing him, he’s sometimes an antihero and even a semi-trusted ally of the Titans (usually with Dick specifically), other times a villain but with his own personal code of honor that means he won’t help the Titans or other heroes but he’ll refuse to take jobs that would pit him against them, and other times he’s full on remorseless and sadistic villain who hates them all and wants them all dead.

He also had three kids, his son Grant (the first Ravager), his younger son Joseph (Jericho) and his youngest, their half-sister Rose (the second Ravager). Basically, the first time he interacted with the Titans was when the supervillain group HIVE put out a contract to have the Titans all killed. Slade turned them down cuz of his personal honor code and how young the Titans were, but his son Grant accepted the contract in exchange for HIVE giving him superpowers to help him fulfill it. The process didn’t work right though, and when fighting the Titans, Grant’s powers overloaded and killed him.

Slade blamed the Titans for this, and vowed to finish the contract and kill them as some twisted way of honoring Grant. He doesn’t do Logic so good, well no, its more like he doesn’t really do parenting so good, as in he tends to have fuck all to do with his kids 364 days of the year, but then something bad happens to one of them and suddenly he thinks he’s Dad of the Year and going 0 to Homicidal in six seconds flat is the way to make up for all the times he’s let them down or screwed them over, instead of just…not Doing That.

So Slade recruited a young meta named Tara Markov (yup, that one) and trained her as his apprentice specifically to help him get revenge on the Titans. At his prompting, she joined the Titans as a spy for him, feeding him intel and plotting against them in one of the best known comicbook storylines of all time, The Judas Contract. It was up there with some of the X-Men’s best known stories like the Dark Phoenix Saga and Days of Future Past. (In the 80s actually, the Titans comic book was almost as popular as Uncanny X-Men at the time. Like way more than the Justice League. They were DC’s big hitters, popularity wise - specifically the lineup that for the most part was centered around Dick, Donna, Starfire, Beast Boy, Cyborg and Raven, with other members like the original Titans and later ones like Pantha and Wildebeest coming and going at various points in the 80s too).

Ultimately, Tara made her move and betrayed the Titans, enabling Slade to kidnap each of them one by one and turn them over to the HIVE….all except for Dick. In the meanwhile, he was approached by Slade’s ex-wife Adeline Kane - who has an equally all over the place dynamic with Slade, like sometimes she’s his worst enemy and other times she’s manipulating events behind the scenes to help him without him knowing, because she still loves him…it basically just depends on who’s writing her, same as with Slade. Also, Kane is Adeline’s maiden name, she’s distantly related to Kate Kane aka Batwoman in some extremely complicated manner I can never remember, but that’s mostly just trivia. I can’t remember a time its ever been relevant to a story, and it has nothing to do with Slade’s interactions with Dick.

ANYWAY. Point being, so Adeline, who blames and hates Slade at this time for their son Grant’s death, along with their other son Joey, seek out Dick and offer their help rescuing the Titans and defeating Slade. Joey is a metahuman as a result of Slade’s altered DNA (he has regenerative powers and is actually immortal, due to experiments the army did on him while he was a soldier). So Joey was born with powers although they didn’t activate until he was a young adult. His codename was Jericho and his power lets him possess peoples’ bodies. He’s also mute, and I’m half expecting him to show up in YJ fairly soon. If not this season then hinted at by the end of it. Also wouldn’t surprise me if they had plans to have him be gay in the YJ universe. He’s a character who was coded as gay practically from his debut. Joey/Dick is actually probably Dick’s oldest and most enduring slash ship, for the record.

So Joey works with Dick to rescue the Titans and defeat Slade, who’s captured and goes on trial for kidnapping the Titans. Joey ends up joining the Titans in the aftermath, and Adeline’s yay good, this was my Sekrit Plan all along, I did all this solely in the hopes that you would end up a superhero and have positive influences and not end up a murdering douchebag of flexible morality like your dad cuz fuck that guy, am I right Titans?

Did Adeline really just do all of that because she wanted her son to have more friends? Like…idk honestly it could go either way. Like….it IS the kind of thing she would do, tbh, so its as likely she was telling the truth as it is she just wanted to screw Slade one last time to avenge Grant and then was like hey if I take credit for my kid ending up a Titan now, I could probably play the “you owe me one” card later if I ever need to. Addy does like handing out “you owe me one” cards, just to be safe. Never know when you might need one.

The thing all this has to do with Dick is like, so it basically ended up being Dick versus Slade in the big finale, while Joey was rescuing the others and helping them face off against Tara. And for whatever reason - with multiple takes on this offered by multiple writers in the decades since - something about Dick just stuck with Slade and he’s had a kinda fascination with him ever since. Like he’s always talking about how much more he could teach Dick than what he already learned from Bruce, trying to convince him he’s got a killer instinct that Bruce just suppressed and its holding him back, blah blah, like saying he’s good, but Slade could make him great, so he surpasses both Bruce and Slade. TBH, he spends WAY more time obsessing about Dick and getting Dick to join him than he bothers paying attention to his own kids. 

It really isn’t inherently sexual though, its a weird kinda pseudo father/son, pseudo mentor/mentee type thing. And its not entirely one-sided, because Dick at various times IS…tempted? Kinda? Like whenever Dick’s having some kind of crisis of conscience, or he’s pissed at Bruce or is questioning the effectiveness of superheroes or why they do the things they do or what does it all matter blah blah blah like omg I love you Dick, I really do, but sometimes you are such a drama queen, my god, blast some My Chemical Romance, experiment with drugs and chill out already, its not that deep. (LOL I kid. Well mostly). But point being, every once in awhile something happens that puts Dick in a funk and makes him second guess himself, and he spends like….a month being convinced he should reinvent himself as the anti-Bruce, that’s the solution, and this usually sends him in search of Slade except he’s always like ‘OH FANCY MEETING YOU HERE, THIS IS TOTALLY RANDOM AND NOT ON PURPOSE’. 

And Slade likes to take any opportunity to try and convince him like BE A BAD GUY DICK, KILL PEOPLE FOR MONEY, ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT. Except inevitably Slade does something that pisses Dick off and Dick snaps out of it and is like NO, IM A HERO AND THIS IS BAD, I REMEMBER NOW AND I’LL NEVER JOIN YOU, YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD I HATE YOU! And then they fight again, but with swords, not words, and then they’re like crap, we’re too well matched, this is going nowhere, you’re a worthy opponent, the only one I can truly respect, blah blah and then they call a breather and Slade’s like hey kid, wanna grab a beer and Dick’s like yeah but only if you promise not to kill anyone. And Slade’s like ugh fine.

And then Slade’s all, look kid, its been fun but its time you went home to your real family and your real life, this isn’t you, you’re a hero, I can’t try and turn you into something you’re not, its Wrong. And Dick’s like….umm yeah, I know, I literally JUST said that, how hard did I hit you? And Slade’s like NO SHHH, DONT TRY AND ARGUE, GO, YOU GO NOW, GO ON, LIVE YOUR LIFE, YOU DONT BELONG HERE IN THE DARK WITH ME, YOU’RE ONE OF THE GOOD ONES, GO BACK TO YOUR OWN KIND.

And Dick’s like no seriously dude, I already called my dad to come pick me up, what are you even on right now, are we having the same conversation?

Slade, sobbing paternally: I HAVE TO LET YOU GO, ALL I EVER DO IS HURT MY KIDS, I’M A TERRIBLE FATHER, ITS NO WONDER JOEY HATES ME.

And then Dick awkwardly slips out while Slade’s mid monologue, with his head thrown back yelling up at the sky and shaking his fists like WHY GOD WHY IS THIS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN WHY - because the thing about Slade is he’s actually even MORE of a drama queen than Dick, he just hides it better. Most of the time. But seriously tho.

Anyway yeah, this is like…a pattern with them basically. And Slade’s like, you’ve inspired me, I see in you the man I could’ve become, maybe even that I can still be, and he like doubles down on his personal honor code and becomes a Mercenary With A Heart for a couple years and even helps out the Titans every now and then (basically just whenever Dick’s in trouble and he goes on a killing spree, like NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO MURDER MY KIDS BUT ME - also by this point in time, Joey had died because Slade literally killed him, I forget why, it was a dumb story, but its okay Joey came back, its not like his name is Uncle Ben. But yeah, killing his kids is kinda a thing with Slade too, and he’s very proprietary about it).

And then he falls off the wagon and is like fuck, I forgot how much I like murder, ugh, you should have never tried to make me change, THIS IS WHO I AM, and Dick’s just like….I literally do not know where you’re getting these conversations from, like am I there when you think we’re having them, am I just blacking out…do I need to see a doctor??? And Slade’s like YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU EVER MET ME, GRAYSON, FROM NOW ON I AM THE TITANS’ MORTAL ENEMY and runs off all dramatically while Dick’s like…..wut, and all the other Titans are like srsly, dude, what is WITH you too, and Dick’s all I DON’T EVEN KNOW, HE’S JUST LIKE THAT.

In all seriousness though, ultimately my take on their dynamic is that for Slade, Dick’s a combination of seeing himself and Grant in Bruce and Dick’s dynamic, and its like….all about his regret and missed opportunities. Like, he tends to be super judgey of Bruce and critical of how he trains (and raises Dick) and passive aggressively like *I* would never do that and Dick just kinda lifts an eyebrow and is all, you’ve literally killed two of your three kids. 

But like, Slade kinda views himself as the anti-Batman and thus Dick is inadvertently cast as Grant, but its like Slade can never decide if he thinks Bruce is actually holding Dick back from his full potential and he wants to push Dick the way he thinks Bruce refuses to, or if like, he blames Bruce for getting Dick involved in this life, the same life that got Grant killed, and wants to protect Dick from Bruce and from the same thing happening to him. So its this weird mix of Slade manipulating Dick sometimes and pushing him way further than even Bruce ever does and saying its for his own good, but also randomly mixed in there are these bouts of extreme protectiveness, and there’s like zero rhyme or reason to which he is on any given day and there’s never any way to predict where Slade will land and so it always fucks with Dick’s head in a big way, he’s like…I’m getting whiplash.

And then on Dick’s end, like, the thing about Dick like I’ve mentioned before is he’s a huge people pleaser? Like he’s a very empathetic caretaker type personality who sinks a huge amount of his identity into being everything for everyone, to the extent that he tends to lose sight of himself in the process, sometimes. And he’s also a perfectionist who was raised with the most demanding father of all demanding fathers ever, and has a lot of abandonment issues and insecurities that Bruce’s mutant power is to trip over and set off in the worst possible ways.

And so I think the reason Dick keeps seeking Slade out every now and then is not because he ACTUALLY wants to ever take Slade up on his offer and genuinely become his apprentice or partner and like, turn his back on how he was raised. I think the point of it for Dick is the fact that each and every time he ends up affirming for himself no, wait, this ISN’T actually what I want, I just needed to be reminded of that, to remember that. That he always pulls himself back before going too far. And at the same time, I do think on some level he likes that Slade is this kinda constant in his life, that at the end of the day Slade is like…so fixated on his potential and his achievements and his worth as a fighter and a hero, because like….Dick Grayson is a person who craves validation but will never ask for it ever. 

And he’s one of those people who everyone is just so USED to liking without even thinking about it that it never occurs to them when talking amongst themselves about how great he is, that they forget to say this to his actual face? And so he never hears it? And never asks for it, because gasp, then people might think he’s needy, and that would be bad, so he mostly just goes and sulks in his apartment about how nobody likes him and he’s terribad. Except for Slade. Slade always compliments him on what a good fighter and what a good planner and what a good leader he is, so hmm wonder what he’s doing. He hasn’t committed any crimes in six months and I can’t find any reason to track him down and bring him in? Ugh, that asshole. Okay, ummm, I guess I could tell him I’m thinking of turning evil again, I haven’t done that in a couple years, he’d probably buy it.

And then later Bruce is pacing around the Batcave wrathfully shaking his fist, like “Damn that man and his sick hold over my son, if only I knew how he keeps getting his hooks into you!”

And Dick basically shrugs and plays games on his phone. “He mostly just tells me I’m special, and that’s nice to hear.”

Bruce, still pacing and ranting and fist shaking: “What kind of evil genius is he, how master a manipulator he must be to be able to get inside your head and upend your normal views of right and wrong, to make you entertain these ideas of working with him, learning from him…”

Dick: No its seriously just the saying nice things about me bit. I like that.

Bruce: If only I had a code word or phrase I could use to snap you out of whatever brainwashing he seems to be able to affect you with any time you come near him, perhaps some kind of alien tech….

Dick: You could try “I’m proud of you, son.” I mean if you’re taking suggestions.

Bruce: There’s also the possibility of a magical component to consider, blast, I hate working with magic so of course he WOULD do something like that, ugh I suppose I could ask Zatanna or Jason Blood for help there…

Dick: Cool cool, well this has been a fun and productive chat as always, so you keep doing…all that…and meanwhile I’m gonna go ponder my fixation on father figures who are 100% more committed to obsessing over their failures as a parent than like…actual parenting of their actual kids.

Bruce, ten minutes later: Dick? Where are you? DID SLADE GET TO YOU AGAIN? RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE? CURSE THAT MAN AND HIS UNNATURAL SKILLS, HOW DOES HE DO IT??!?

Anyway, that’s Slade and Dick. There’s also the whole Renegade thing, when Dick asked for Slade’s help in infiltrating the Society of Super Villains in his fake villain identity as Renegade, with you know, lots of Slade trying to corrupt him and also trying to murder any supervillains who looked as his not!son the wrong way. 

And then there was the time Slade brought his daughter Rose to Dick to train and said he couldn’t teach her himself because his track record with training his kids and them not ending up dead is like, not good, and he’s superstitious or something? Idk, I forget his logic, it was probably bad though.

And Slade was like, I only trust you to be a competent teacher for my daughter, I want you to teach her everything you know! Except for like, being a hero. None of that nonsense. I FORBID you from trying to make my daughter into a hero or the deal is off. (The deal being that if Dick did this, Slade would not do crime in Dick’s city for a year).

And Dick was like, you got a deal. I will train Rose but there will be NO trying to make her a hero, I swear. /he said while crossing his fingers behind his back because duh.

And Slade was like okay, fine, you got a deal, I will absolutely still do crime and be villainous but only in every place except for Bludhaven specifically. /he said while crossing his fingers behind his back because duh.

And then Dick tried to make Rose a hero and then Slade blew up Bludhaven and that was definitely a thing, so…yeah.

In summation, Slade and Dick are weird but also very interesting but also if we get another rehash of the Renegade/apprentice arc aka the Teen Titans cartoon adaptation of that story aka the single most popular Dick Grayson fic trope of all time, like….I swear I will probably get a brain bleed.

[icyblasty]

Entry #6

Saturday July 13,2019

I keep expecting to see him one last time because the last time that I saw him was last Saturday and didn’t go well because I have no Idea he is going to quit his job. I have a 2-8pm shift today, I was just chilling a while ago when I realized that my dad is not at home. I texted him and he said that he cannot give me a ride because he is in the hospital and was having some check ups. I was rushing because during that time I was so scared of not seeing him and didn’t have a proper goodbye. I called the taxi and got to McDonald’s at 1:15 pm, yes, I am so freakin’ early. I WAS SO PRETTY EARLY and guess what? I DIDN’T SEE HIM. I was thinking that I should’ve said goodbye properly last saturday if only I knew. But then, JM (our manager) told me to stay til’ 10pm because he needs me. Bro, I was like I don’t wanna stay til’ 10pm when my day is not going well. I expect too much a while ago and just lead me to disappointment because I really didn’t see him. He didn’t even snapback me. When I started working, It went pretty smooth. Eileen told me that he didn’t work today, made me feel sad at that moment. Time goes by so fast. That I didn’t notice It’s almost 4pm. I was in the first booth, until Jax went there to take lane 2 and cash, while I was sent to the Window to help Taylor.

BUT THEN!!!!!! I was making something that time, probably a coffee or ice coffee. When Eileen called my name and said “He’s here” and I was like “what? who?” and she whispered it to me saying “Juan” “Juan is here”. OMYGOSH. Can you believe that??? I was actually thinking that he is not coming today. I keep telling Eileen “are u sure that’s him?” “for real??? omg, you’re joking right?” and then she smiled and said “No”. Taylor and Eileen starts teasing me and giving me this weird look because they know that I’m expecting to see him today. I was not really ready to say hello or what Until JM told me to get the trays at the back since we don’t have any trays left in the window. BRUH, I WAS THINKING OF SAYING NO BUT TAYLOR THAT TIME IS TAKING THE ORDERS. I went there and I said “I need more trays” and then he said “what? you need more? You can have just five trays” and I said “I need more TRAYS” and then he said “Okay, you clean it” and I was like “Clean or else. I need more trays. You are in the first booth then you have to clean those” and I went back in front after saying those. I am not really sure why I always act like that towards him. I don’t know why I give him so much attitudes when I am just not like this to everyone. AGAIN, Taylor and Eileen gaves me this weird look and I was like “Okay, I just said Hi and thats it” and they both laughed. As the time goes by, when JM sent me to check or somehow clean the lobby, I got the chance to collect some trays and go to first booth to see him. Even went to get a McDonald 🧢 because I thought it was the cap that one of the customer lost when they went to McDonald ‘s last week. When I go there, JUAN WAS LIKE “Okay what do you want from me?” BRUH I LITERALY IGNORED HIM and went back to the lobby to clean some dirty tables.

I got my break time around 5:30ish and because I don’t know what to do. I called my bestfriend JUNE and asked for the advice. Literally, I don’t know how to approach him because I’m very shy. I don’t know I feel so shy when he do something that makes me feel like i’m special. Balwinder and I was talking about something and I don’t know why Juan is like not going to the crew room when he found out we are there and talking something. I got back around 6:10pm and I don’t know why I keep avoiding him or making contacts with him or ignoring him.

UNTIL around 6-7pm there was this lady in the front and was looking for a timing to asks something from someone. I couldn’t help it because she was looking towards my way and when I went to the front, she looks suprised and when she goes near I RECOGNIZED HER! YES... SHE’S JUAN MOTHER! She was like “Hi dear, Okay so I came here because my son is working here and I think he is in the back. I need to asks something from him. I wonder if you could asks him about the keys.” and I was like “Oh you are Juan’s mother.” and she said “Yes yes. If you could asks him about the car keys” and I was like “yeah sure, I’ll just go and grab the keys to him or I’ll call him” and she smiled and said “Oh please thank you” BRO I JUST MEET JUAN RAMIREZ’S MOTHER and his half sister. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I went to the back and said to Juan “So... your mom... is in the window right now and was asking for the car keys or idk.” and He was like “Oh okay okay. You need to take this lane and cash for a second” and I freaked out because who will be left in the window since Taylor is off. and I was like “Bruh I need to run the window too.” and he said “well I need to go and give the key to my mom” and JM is shouting where I am already and I said “I’M HERE!!!!” and He was asking if why i am in the first booth and I said because Juan is talking with his mom at the moment and JM said it’s okay. Juan went back already and I was taking order that time. I was kinda sticking out my tongue so he said “why are you sticking out your tongue. u want a kiss dont you?” and BRUH HE LITERALLY DISTRACT ME FROM THE ORDER. He was laughing when I finish taking order and I just rolled my eyes and went back to the window. WHATS EVEN MORE COOLER IS THAT, I was the one who gives his mom’s order. It was a small coffee 1 cream, Brownie cookie, strawberry danish and a blueberry danish and when I gave it to her. She said “Thank you and Thank you for calling my son.” She’s very pretty ❤️🥰😍 and she’s very nice and very kind. I even loved her voice, it’s very calm. The best thing is that she even smiled at me.

After that, I was running the window and then Juan went there to annoy me once again. He tryna keep holding my hands but he failed as I don’t wanna do it when a lot of people can see it. BUT, MY HAND THAT TIME IS LIKE WAITING FOR THE FOOD AND HE FREAKIN’ HOLD MY HAND. 😩🥰 The guy in the kitchen was literally saw that and smiled at us. And I took Juan’s hand away because Ugh 😩 I feel shy. Juan is laughing that time because of what he did. The guy in the kitchen laughed out. Until JM went infront was kinda asking him why is he such a not nice guy while he’s mom is very nice. I just overheard that his parents are separated and he got to lived with his dad for now. and that the girl with her mom a while ago is his half sister. I was pretty shocked because how I wish my parents can be a good friends just like them. 😐 But yeah, I don’t know why he’s like that but I still like him no matter what.

A lot of things happened today that I will cherished and keep ♾ forever. He kinda didn’t say anything whenever Balwinder and I was annoying each other or maybe won’t come near when Balwinder and I was just talking and laughing. I even kinda hear him say something when Karan, Wei , Balwinder and I was talking about their 🧔 beards. Wei was like I like white guys more than brown guys and I tryna defending myself to them because Juan is really the guy that I like. Then, Juan said something that make us split up and shut up. When he was supposed to help me out when Wei is on break, Karan told him to stock up and I feel like he doesn’t wanna do those. He even stared at me and give me this weird look. I don’t know if he gets annoyed because I’m so noisy or what but he keeps doing things that I get annoyed... just like throwing boxes real hard, throwing dirty scotch taped on me, or even gives me the whole Bag B and wants me to stock it for him. 🙄🙄🙄 I hate it when he does that... But for sure, I’m going to miss it. ☹️ After stocking those, Balwinder thought that Juan and I didn’t talk anymore so he keeps singing “we don’t talk anymore” BUT HE HAS NO IDEA HOW EVERYTHING WORKS 😂 and I was like yeah yeah that’s true. He just did all the stock up and never helped me. 🙄🤧 Until Wei is back and Jax is off early so... Juan got to go in the first booth. He was there but he still keeps coming in front. Even make a joke like “Cledd and I would make a cute couple” and I said “wth” and then he said “I like your watch... Can I see it?” and I said no because bruh, it’s very cheap 😂 and Juan is saying something and even kinda slightly hugged me and said “no cledd, im just joking” Wei was just staring at us 🙅💁🏻‍♀️ But yeah he went back to the first booth and around 10:55 pm I got to changed my clothes because I was planning to have a picture or impressed him 🙄🙅😐 but he just do nothing.... so Ig idk. 🤷🏻‍♀️ He was busy taking orders and running it. So I didnt bother him. Until JM, forgot to asks break time signs... he went in front and was looking for Juan because he didnt sign the break time sheet. and JM told him to go back to the first booth. I was left in the office and was looking at Juan in the CCTV 😂😂😂 IT MIGHT HARD TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE DID BUT ILL TRY. I was looking at him in the CCTV and when he passes by the office 😂 he literally stopped by and he knocked and the next thing that I know he is sticking out his lips for a kiss. He keeps begging for a kiss 😩🙄

It was already 10:20pm but JM is still doing something. I gotta wait them tho. So I went to first booth and saw Juan there. I just keep staring at him and Idk. I was just doing nothing and just blanky staring at him. I CANT STAY STILL BECAUSE I WANNA TAKE PICTURE WITH HIM AND I WANNA HUGGED HIM AND I WANNA DO THE HANDSHAKE FOR THE LAST TIME. DO EVERYTHING WITH HIM FOR THE LAST MOMENT!!! I Just wanna say goodbye properly. 🤧☹️ I just can’t stay still. Until JM keep saying that he is done we are going but then he is not yet done. It looks like it’s a sign for me to go for it. Karan and I was talking about him... Karan said go hug him I’ll look in the CCTV. I WAS SO BRAVE and went to the first booth and open my arms wide and said “come here give me a hug, its my last day too” and this tall guy ruined the mood 😂 just kidding. He said “tomorrow is my last day.” and I said “well I don’t work tomorrow” and he said “come here.” THEN WE HUGGED.

I just couldn’t stay still because a hug is not enough 🙄 dzuh I NEED SOMETHING THAT I WILL FOREVER KEEP IN MY MEMORIES. what is it? A PICTURE! I keep going back to the office and then walk around and then go to look at Juan and then go just stare at him and then go back to the office and that one just keep repeating. 🙄🙄🙄 ik, i’m so not straight forward. I went to Juan and Wei in the crew room and I was like “yow guys, did u know that they were talking about the two of you in the office” and then Wei was like “what is it all about?” and Juan is like “probably talking about how hot we are and how we captured girls heart” and i was like choking because wtf Juan. I was thinking of maybe I could left a note to Juan about how I like him because JM keep saying we are ready to go. Btw, JM just found out today that I like him and supported me ❤️❤️🥰😍😩 So I was silently writing in the tray liner until Wei is taking order in the first booth 🙄 and ruined my letter. I was like “omg wei, i forgot what to write now” and then I finished writing “I like you.” until Juan suddenly appear to take order 🙅 He first noticed the lowkey I like you words written on a Tray liner and was trying to get it but then I said “No. It’s for Wei” but then he stared at me and look at Wei and he stared once again and smiled. He comes near this time and said “For whom is that?” and I said “You” HE IS TAKING ORDERS THAT TIME, and he just need to hear those words. He said “what?” and I said “it’s for you.” He smiled and took the orders already. So I go back to the office. I am still cannot stay-still and keeps walking around. Until JM finally finished everything and wore is cap and said “We should go now.” JM went to the washroom and I was like “shet, this would be the last time. I gotta do something” and then when JM is finished using the washroom, I hold JM and said “JM... I don’t wanna go home... It’s Juan’s last day... I still want to take a picture with him” BRUH, it might not be exactly but thats how it started.

JM dragged me back to the first booth and said “Sus ako bahala” I was so shy and don’t know what to do. He dragged me and he said to Juan “Juan! let’s take picture bro since its your last day” and Juan said “Oh sure. Omg.” He was excited and he was supposed to take pictures with his phone but then I said “DONT USE UR FUCKING PHONE” I LITERALLY SWEAR 😂 and then he said “Okay...” Then we took pictures. I hugged him one more time and this time... tightly. It was just the two of us this time. ❤️ since JM went back infront. Until THAT ONE PICTURE IS NOT ENOUGH!!! Actually, it is not enough 😂😂 I stared at him and he said “now what?” and I said “I’m going now...I just wanna say bye.” and then he said “Oh shut up. You’ll be here tomorrow.” and I said “I don’t. Remember? I am not working.” then we are kinda holding out hands but not intertwined hands and then said to him “I am going to cry” and then he said “why?” and I said “because I’m going to miss you” Then he holds my hand and hugged me and then I probably he said this because he don’t want me to feel sad or what. He said “Oh shut up, we are still going to talk on snapchat” and I said jokingly to him “I am going to delete my snapchat.” and then he hold my hand and said “Okay so...Ig... good bye Cledd?” he looked in my eyes and I swallowed my saliva and confidently said this to him, “Let’s take a picture.” and said “Just the two of us” and then he smiled and said “Okay... JUST THE TWO OF US. First, we need to get good lighting. Second, good background and Third nice picture” That time his hands is on my shoulder while looking for the right spot... Until Wei 🙄🙄 suddenly appear and said “oh are you taking picture?? I wanna join!” and I was like being selfish that time and said “Go, just the two of us” and then Juan was like “Wei go away. Just the two of us first” and then Wei was doing the photobombing but Juan didn’t capture it because it was so annoying. We tryna make good picture. Wei even wanna take one with his pouty lips pointing at me but Juan was like “Wei!!! us first” and then when we finish taking ours. Wei was kinda sad 😂😂😂 so I said “okay wei, you can join now” and we got to take a picture together. We hugged once again. Then, yeah, I gotta say my last good bye. Wei even said it was a good thing we took a picture because this might be the last time that we will see each other unless we make plans outside from work. Then Karanbir and JM went at the back because I think JM needs to punch out and Karanbir was just following him. I hugged him one last time and tighly. Then Karanbir said “Oh give her a kiss Juan” and then I said “no way” and then Juan is pouting his lips toward me and when I face towards him wtf 😂😂😂 I slapped him and we all laughed. Karanbir suggest kissing my hands but then I said no thanks. Then, Juan sharing that there are lots of germs in the hands so better not. But then he said “If I see her tomorrow, I’ll kiss her” or like “If she’ll come over tomorrow, I’ll kiss her” but then yeah, that’s it we kinda hugged again and he said goodbye to Wei and Karanbir and he lastly said, “Bye Cledd.”

That’s how it all ends July 13 2019 ❤️🥰💕 I was very thankful to Karanbir and JM 😭😭🥰❤️💯💘

[punkscowardschampions]

Indie & Rio

Indie: you 👀 this Rio: edie's snaps Rio: yes bitch Rio: so she gonna have a dog now, they setting up house Rio: where WHERE Indie: you know it in a whip Indie: if it any place Indie: wtf wtf Indie: he aint even got a nice ride & we all been knew Rio: he be driving without a license rn too Indie: he be driving w out his head on right fr Indie: you think im always high bitch Rio: I swear he been high since he been on the scene as a younger Rio: she makes a point of not dating lads her age but why if he only gon provide you what any waste of any age could Indie: i kno he has cos he come thru to me & drew when Indie: wasteman Indie: from day 1 Rio: exactly Rio: god Rio: saying poor dog but not even the point Rio: how she livin he stealing dogs for her now what Indie: we aint even gon be set to call any heads in cos we dont know where they @ Indie: cant say a 🐶 be stolen & holed up somewhere Rio: she lucky if someone don't clock Rio: it's a pup and it's clearly pedigree Rio: that's thousands, not to mention if they love it and all that fucked shit he ain't consider Indie: it probs chipped thats how mans do when they drop cash Indie: bet he aint thought Indie: he could go prison w drew if 🐶 are missed least get him away Rio: oh god Rio: i'll warn her, not that that'll be appreciated Indie: he should b anyway riding a girl her age at his that shit nasty Indie: get a wifey in your years Rio: i know Rio: surprised he ain't make her keep it on the low til her bday Indie: how your ma not merk him ages afore this Rio: you know how it is Rio: she gon do it anyway so don't fight her on it Indie: i kno she been tryna chase away any boy i ever been near & dey in my bracket Rio: yeah well you ain't gonna do something 10x worse when you questioned init Indie: bitch maybe Indie: if she gon have a dog in a car imma live how i want Indie: deal w it mama cavante Rio: don't even play Indie: she 🤡ing nuff for us all Indie: im vexed af Rio: seriously Rio: this is ridiculous Indie: u do kno she dating drew younger Indie: he buy shit to keep peace thats literally how it plays Indie: boy aint even as cute tho awks Rio: but worse Rio: at least drew isn't an addict, whatever else he got going on Indie: nah that just how he want his wifeys Rio: he should be proud Rio: twat Indie: i feel 😷 Rio: at least she admitted she's feeling on it Rio: buster tried to talk to her and got nowhere so Indie: how that boy exist Indie: 😇😇👑😇😇 Indie: get you a daddy who Rio: clearly she good like Indie: i aint even get a call back from the lad i want 👁👁👁 madness Rio: you wanna be wifed up by a lad like that, i think not Rio: he only got no chill cos that's how he livin' his whole life Indie: i want who i want Indie: he aint that Rio: exactly Rio: lord Rio: at least it ain't an actual baby Rio: 'cos that'll 'bout be it, like bye 💀 Indie: dont even chat it Indie: we aint need that possible in the universe Rio: 😶 Indie: u kno he aint ridin proper all the drugs he on Indie: no gettin hard Rio: as much as i ain't about u puttin that in my head i hope u right Rio: god Indie: i is Indie: i been round nuff customers to get the vibe Rio: yikes Rio: drew making a side hustle selling the little blue ones is it Rio: can't be dealing Indie: he should it y them boys so 💔💔💔💔 & vexed Rio: cracked it Rio: we'll do it and get the money Rio: is it prescription, not tryna go to jail with him Indie: hacks Indie: nah man it over counter Rio: nice Rio: so doing it, untapped market Indie: shame it aint work for girls too Indie: you could make more if it do Indie: 🤑🤑🤑🤑 Rio: i think there's a female one but bet that's still prescription, if even available here Rio: bullshit Indie: is it? Indie: if i been knew i coulda hit that w my ex Indie: 💔💔💔💔 Rio: yeah? Indie: he aint good i told you nah? Rio: i didn't know if it was just the first or what and i weren't tryna be too in your face at that time init Rio: not on speaking terms Indie: innit Indie: i been thought it me but i 👂ed others saying since he dashed me Rio: ha Rio: unlucky Rio: know he ain't trying and that's literally half the battle so he ain't gon' do better Indie: bitch if i tried any harder w it id have to pray Indie: waste Indie: 😭😭😭😭 Rio: aw baby Rio: happen when you ain't looking Rio: ma realness of the day Indie: but i want it to happen w the boy i 👀 everywhere in my circles Rio: is this science boy or another one? Indie: we aint tryna call him science boy but you kno Rio: okay gimme a better name i gotta keep track somehow Indie: he called zamari thats he name Rio: that's cute Rio: i'll probably remember that Indie: [sends screenshot of a snap so she can see his face] Indie: lookit Rio: aww Rio: sweet Indie: be sweeter if he was bout me Indie: but you kno Rio: no chance you reckon or what Rio: what's the vibe Indie: the vibe is he one of the boys now Indie: w the rest Indie: he aint see me like 😍😍😍😍 cos we ✌✌✌✌ Rio: I get you Rio: never know Indie: help me cos you 🔥🔥🔥🔥👑👑💖💖💖 Indie: aint no boy ever friended you how Rio: i have boy friends Indie: bitch where Rio: Rian Indie: please he wanna fuck you since he been known Rio: 😒 Rio: Still Rio: I got friends bitch Rio: I just been busy 😂 damn Indie: i aint tryna come for you i saying you a MILF i needs you to help me Indie: it been long & no thing i done work Rio: Hmm Rio: Maybe you gotta stop being friendly for a bit so he see you like that Rio: that way you know Indie: like stop showin him skate tricks? Rio: yeah Rio: start showing him other tricks Indie: but i aint have none Indie: how i gon do that Rio: just pretend Rio: he aint gone know Indie: i cant b like oi lads guess who know how to suck a dick it me Indie: we aint rollin w no girlie sleepover moves Rio: that ain't exactly what i mean 😂 Rio: just be more of a girl Rio: then they'll see it and fill in the gaps if they feeling it, you know Indie: 😒😒😒😒 Rio: what you poutin for Indie: why he not want me how i is Indie: rude Indie: this aint happen to me afore Rio: idk maybe he got a type Rio: don't take it personal, some people be so specific Indie: @mckenna Indie: 😂😂😂😂😂 Rio: exactly Rio: shows there's hope yet, just work out what he likes Rio: probably tell you cos you one of the boys Indie: there is this girl in science he 👀 @ when i looking toward him Indie: I just do how she do? Rio: Yeah Rio: but better, obvs Indie: [sends pic of the girl in question who is obvs more girly etc] Indie: can you do it bitch or nah Rio: 'Course I can Rio: though Grace would be gutted if you didn't let her in on the action too, like Indie: she gon own me w it Indie: but k 💄👗 Indie: we on it Rio: It'll be fun Indie: is it? 😒😒 Indie: when tho? Rio: you don't gotta Rio: n u don't need to but if you wanna get your mans Rio: it might work, boys are that dumb Rio: so whenever you wanna roll up on him Indie: imma do it but i aint vibin Indie: lets kick this now afore i think any harder on it & chat myself out Rio: you know this only good for a hookup yeah Rio: you ain't gonna makeover scene yourself for life Indie: naaah he gon get a taste and then he gon love me Indie: dont get me twisted Rio: Hmm Rio: expectation management baby Indie: he gon get himself a girl who do both Indie: 👑👑👑👑 Rio: slow your roll gurl Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: wys i been waitin since he showed Rio: to ride him mayb Rio: you don't gotta go so hard for the d Indie: you want me to hit & quit now? Indie: damn ma Rio: nah you do you Rio: i just sayin if you wanna be w him then he gotta be about u for u Rio: goes without sayin but like Indie: so you not gon help me or you is? Rio: we gotta debrief harder on what this is and what you want Indie: 👌👌👌👌 Rio: just keep away from that tattoo gun this time yeah? Indie: 😂😂😂😂 you gotta chill ri ri its no thing Rio: nah Indie: nah? Rio: yeah but we dun had this argument then so we don't gotta now Indie: caraca bitch 😮😮😮 you gon do me like i aint learned Indie: i just want him i aint tryna head down no aisle w you & mckenna Rio: Nah, I know Rio: I'm just chatting on any more ink Rio: we're good Indie: his name aint fit in 💘 its all good Rio: 😒 shut up bitch Indie: you rude Indie: play w me Rio: I'm trying Rio: but her shit got me in no mood now like Indie: 💔💔💔💔 Indie: lets roll out somewhere some way Rio: where you wanna be Indie: idc Indie: far Rio: Okay Rio: I'll see what's on Rio: seeing as I do have friends, you know Indie: so you keep chatting 😂😂😂 Rio: 😒 Rio: lucky I don't have too many or I wouldn't roll w you would I 😜 Indie: bitch allow it Indie: im the most ✌✌ Rio: you certainly the most something Indie: innit tho Rio: 😂 Indie: tell yo friends baby 😏😏😏💘💘 Rio: You're chief Rio: also Jas and Kels are on pre-drinks now so you believe they exist enough to come or what Indie: i aint never said you w out squad Indie: just w out boyyys Rio: well they cramp your style how you gon meet boys when you surrounded init Indie: i aint had no issue w it babe Rio: 😑 Rio: you saying i'm dry Rio: i'm cool Indie: i saying what i been saying this whole they all 😍😍😍😍 cos you peng Indie: not tryna friend you when they can wife it Rio: they can't now tho Rio: soz about it lads 🤷 Indie: 💎💎💎 see from 🌚 Rio: You know it Indie: how you styled? Rio: Hmm Rio: I gotta see, my clothes are still all over Rio: Nothing too wild Indie: i feel that Indie: im clappin rn Indie: look & mood Rio: 😔 Indie: aint tryna have your mates think im dry crump Indie: gotta step in & up Rio: Nah they nice Rio: you know that kid in your year Rio: ugh, what do they call him Rio: O'Shea they last name, anyway, Kells is his sister Indie: !!!!!!!!!! Rio: Yeah but it'll be chill Rio: not trying wriggle into that fucking catsuit again and have you creasing 😂 Indie: i aint tryna help your drunk arse out again and be sweatin Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Rio: 😂 rude but fair Rio: actual mess Indie: how mckenna get under that? the boy is 👑👑🥇 Rio: i mean you can ask but you already worried peeps be getting the wrong idea about you, babe so Indie: girl please Indie: i aint worried bout no thing you hush Rio: 😏 is it Rio: ma be so proud Indie: wys Indie: it all good over here Rio: i saying she got a bisexual agenda Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Rio: gutted by how many straight kids she got Indie: she turned my ma i aint tryna follow in dem steps soz bout it Rio: 😂 Indie: kissed few girls but she aint need kno Indie: not bringin them home to meet Rio: Exactly Rio: Such a cringe, bless her Indie: her hair always be sick tho Indie: how she do it Rio: #blessed Rio: jammy bitch Rio: in the genes, obvs 🍀 Indie: im mad Indie: you aint tryna do me one solid drew is it Rio: you know you cute sh Indie: dash that Indie: 👾👾👾 Rio: what you talking bitch Indie: he got me lookin 👽👽👽 cos his dna Indie: vexin Rio: you don't look like an alien you mad Rio: if anything he's given you the looks, like Rio: literally bout the only thing Indie: nah Rio: 😡 Rio: where dis coming from Indie: im in the mirror bitch Indie: & my feelings Rio: you want me to sort your weave Indie: its chill Rio: you can't go out not feeling 💯 Indie: i been done that trust Rio: 😢 baby no Indie: you aint gotta amp it Indie: im w out a man stealing me any 🐶 for my woes Indie: just out here w it Rio: you got a 🐶 and you ain't need no man for no thing else either Indie: you kno Indie: how i mean it Rio: i know Rio: it's nice to have one about but only if they not a fuckboy Rio: otherwise it's just hassle, more than already you don't need, trust Indie: im just tryna feel caught up in a thing that aint walking the streets w this face wearing his name while everyone kno where drew is and he been livin Indie: i been stopped mad amount times today only Rio: makes sense Rio: i don't blame you Rio: this town always talks Indie: u think thats how science boy dont fuck w me Indie: he aint new now he been around & he kno Indie: ?? Rio: I don't reckon Rio: why'd he be that anti-drugs or like Rio: nah Indie: not 🚭 just anti waste Rio: not like he gotta hang w ur dad Rio: i don't see it Rio: would be fucked if he was Rio: you ain't drew, like Indie: but i be livin on top like him Indie: too hype maybe Rio: if he roll w u and ur squad he obviously about that life too Indie: idk man Indie: if you right you right Indie: 💖💖💖 ty for chattin me down from 👑👑 Indie: big love like Rio: don't be silly Rio: always Rio: 🧡 Indie: how much time it gon feel like this for us Rio: How you mean? Indie: will it be good again when i kno drews stretch or nah Indie: i aint tryna feel worse Rio: I don't know Rio: better for knowing exactly what's gonna happen Rio: it always helps Rio: not gonna make everything magically better like but least we know the plan, like Indie: least if he gets a few i can age out of him playin da Rio: yeah Rio: we'll see Indie: & you can get mckenna down the aisle w out him not holding his ☮ Rio: 🙄 Rio: christ, probably not making the guest list either way, like Indie: you gon do big & white or lowkey Rio: go big or go home init Rio: gotta be grown to have those funds Indie: 😂😂😂😂 i shoulda been knew Indie: mckenna aint do lowkey no time Indie: he got the 💸💸💸 tho so go off Rio: just tryna get out of the matching dresses, i 👀 Indie: allow it Indie: you aint want me to go out feeling less than 110 but you bout 🤡ing me in 💒 k k Rio: 😂 Rio: it's my big day, bitch 😉 Indie: yeah so how you want me in all the pics looking bare owned Indie: catch me 😒😒😒😒 in every frame bitch Rio: Obvs Rio: that's the kinda bitch I am Rio: long as I'm slaying, none of you hoes can be Indie: ruuude Indie: how i be hookin mckennas best man in 👗 nah Rio: thought you reckoned it'd be nance Rio: sure she'll think you look lovely 😘 Indie: i aint got enough years to be her type innit Indie: dont wear nuff 💄 either Rio: True Rio: least jailbait ain't her vibe or she'd be in real trouble rn Indie: catch her waiting to be sentenced w drew Indie: wild Rio: Bless Rio: she's doing better, I think Indie: is it? Indie: safe Indie: she getting her head shrunk still? Rio: yeah, well, she ain't asking me to go out on the piss with her as often like so Rio: must be Indie: 💖💖💖💖💖💖 Indie: more ri time for me Indie: sick Rio: You know Rio: so in demand 😘 Indie: innit tho

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 83, 84

Didnt post for awhile cause I needed to get some thoughts straight in my head. Idk if i could get them totally straight and i dont even know whether i will ever be able to get them to but its okay i think. I mean it just comes with the baggage of life and inshaAllah I will deal with it along the way whenever it is in action. 

So theres been many thoughts coming in my head but then all of it can be connected and related to each other so its just more like one big massive ball of thoughts. I will try to mention whatever comes in my head for now. But hmppphhhh where do i start *wonders* 

Okay so i have 2 start points, ill pick the one which is currently still a thought cause the other one is kind of resolved :3 

So this is about this conversation i had with him a year ago, exactly around this time last year. I will not talk about our conversation on the internet :3 but just what it was about so that I can get to what it is in my head 

Well we werent really going through a good phase back then and once he told me something about ‘love’ & ‘duty’. Like there are things you do out of love, and there are things which are ‘duty’ but you do not love doing them but have to anyways. 

The thing is, it is kind of hard for me to understand the relation between ‘love & duty’. To be honest, i did get what he meant back then, and things were different back then (meaning, we were going out) & if not so much, but you could put what he said into context at least a little. 

But now, I just dont understand the connection, nor can i appreciate the difference between these two terms. When i say i dont understand the connection - i mean to say i dont understand it, but i believe they are more related and similar than they are different. 

When you love someone, and they mean the world to you, and you put them before yourself. You can do anything for them, to protect them, to make sure they are ok. Their happiness matters to you so much. It is so important for you - because you love them unconditionally. and also because when they are not happy, you are not happy either. So you want the best of the best for them, for their happiness,

 “and in turn - for yourself too” 

“and in turn - for yourself too” ---> this is why I dont understand this difference. You see when you love someone and you want all of that, you always wish you could do something for them. and you actually do everything “possible for you to do” for them. And when you cant, it kills you and you ‘wish’ theres something you couldve done. Now all these wishes, all these wanting to do something, all these prayers, all these urge, these pain - these are just a package. They come along when you fall in love. And they are there. 

Now in other words ^ I think i can simply say - “you feel like its your duty to take care of them, to do whatever you can for them” 

Now what is “duty”? Idk what it means front he dictionary point of view, but for me it responsibility - and responsibilities/ duties - i think i can come up with 2 types right now - one that is enforced upon you (you dont like doing, maybe) BUT then there is another one - One that you enforce upon Your. Own. Self. because of your affection for someone/ something. Now i really want to point out that there is no “pressure” here in the second one. You are doing it to yourself, technically you can snap out of it but you actually can not. YOU wont let yourself do that. YOU will bound yourself to care, to love, to worry, to act out - you believe its your responsibility.

AND there is nothing bad in it. In fact i think it is amazing! 

Why i am pointing this out is that  - this is the only way i seem to appreciate the connection between ‘love and duty’/ love vs responsibilities - I think they are are the same. atleast for ME, they are the same. So i have been trying to look deeply into it, and find out something that ive been missing out to appreciate the difference but every single attempt to do so leads me to this same concept which i just mentioned. and it is more like something being solved even before i sat down to figure it out. it all seems so simple. 

now how this plays in my daily life right now is how i always wish i could do something for him. now idk much about him obviously cause we dont communicate. but still wondering if he is okay - and worrying about him, and thinking of him - i dont need to make myself do that cause its there by default - and on top of that this tiny feeling of guilt engraved at the bottom of my heart because im aware that there is only so little or lets say nothing much at all i can do ----- that, i believe is the duty/ responsibility i was talking about. something i brought onto myself and i dont mind it at all. but this is the very same reason why i dont get the difference between love and duty at all. i dont think you have to give someone your word in order to have a responsibility towards them. I believe if you love someone, you automatically feel like its your duty to take care of them. 

At least thats how it is for me! 

so yeah, theres that. i always feel this way. everyday. I really pray that day comes soon where i can do way more than just sit and worry about him, inshaAllah

Now thats that! like i said all the thoughts are related. So now ill move onto the “fear”. Now about the fear. well 

misunderstanding and misinterpretations

misunderstanding and misinterpretations - these are always there. always. even when people ‘communicate’ they indeed fail to communicate well. Now just imagine how ‘cool’ it gets when you dont communicate - not so cool 

I mean it scares me - is something giving the wrong? anything i do, or anything i say - is it something he’d like? does it seem not right? i mean i have no intentions of hurting him or doing anything negative but it is only human nature to make assumptions - or to misinterpret something - or to misunderstand - and it is not anyones fault - because although there may be a million reasons why one could get a wrong message - one of the main ones are fear once again or being worried, or caring. 

So yeah, theres always this fear at the back of my head, trying not to be irrational. and when things are bugging me, trying to shut up, stay shuttttttt instead of acting out. because, this moment will pass, but something i express just out of current volatile mood could get to him and do i ever want that? nooo

^ so that is one of the reasons why i dont always blog. and also the same reason for this weekend drama! 

Okay so this is the other stuff i could start my post with. this is fun loll. so i still am not sure whats up but this is my solved case lol - as in what i figured out myself and think is actually what happened. so i woke up on friday and i saw one of his tweets. it seemed to me like it was the time when someone last checked into some social media. UH WELL. and yeah thats it :) that is what got in to my head. a lot of things at once actually. i guess ill just point a few -

1- someone lucky enough to get that much attention from him that hed tweet something like that. i mean its definitely not me, cause all i could think of was whatsapp and well i have the time thingy hidden there AND ALSO, honestly i never had any real conversation, like a real one where im instantly replying to someone and shit with anyone i think after we stopped talking - basically i cant communicate well with people - i feel like having a normal conversation where i sit with my phone and talk to someone and actually bother to give them instant replies is too much of commitment & no i cant put that much effort for anyone ------ so yeah, that kind of made it clearer that obviously its not me, i dont even go to whatsapp! Bleeeeeh - well yeah later i just think i figured its some other app - idk - or maybe there just is a special new person :) 

2- It just started to seem really really disturbing - how the tweet bothered me so much. I mean i have no right to get bothered. Like what am I? I mean we’re definitely not together right now. And we dont talk. And even if we were together just saying, i definitely dont want to be a creepy chic who has a problem with things like these. like, woah hold your brakes. who are you to feel bothered by stuff like these :) 

3- And then i realised that i really need to take a BIG BIG step backwards - like Breathe, honey. chill. dont let every little thing get to you. EXPAND your mind, think bigger. i mean im not thirteen anymore and this is not a teen fiction novel where teenage girls get jealous over stuff, and everything bothers them, and blabla shit. Ugh hindi movies and tv series are the same too lool. ---- Wel anyways long story short - i was just - “Training my mind and soul to just let go and think bigger”. I shouldn’t be getting bothered by things like this in his life, thats not my place right now i think! 

SO YES THATS IT - UH i finally got to jot down this stuff! Such a relieffff ~ 

So lets re-cap :3 

~ Aha, so turns out im basically always thinking about him, theres guilt wishing i could do something, theres fear hoping i dont screw up in ways im too stupid to even realize, and theres me being a little girl, but one badly in love! ~

Ok bye :)

[tuffacttofollow]

A boat ride with God.

Are my vices that important to me that they have to tag along with me everywhere I go? Because, you see, I can never face my imperfections if I just wish them away, or ignore them completely. Oh, they’re still there, sitting and waiting.. My only option is face them head on; to acknowledge those things as they are and get rid of it to save myself from ruin.

How could I possibly let something so negative tag along with me? Even on a boat ride with God... See we hang out all the time. Beside the still waters is our hangout spot .. a place of comfort and peace where I get a chance to thank him for his amazing grace and singing songs that he loves.

This time, He’s suggested we play a game of “catch and release” he says, to ward off boredom.. I’m the only one fishing of course because hey, He’s God and I’m just ... me. Let’s face it he doesn’t need the fish anyway, He’s the Great I Am LOL .. but this game is different from the normal C&R. God makes me a promise

“For every fish you catch, there’ll be double waiting for you back on land “

“WHAT? Aww this finna be a breeze “ I say as I kiss my teeth and fan him off in confidence.

“But there’s a twist you see. See these aren’t just any old fish , they’re the big fishes in your life. Every situation that’s left you teary eyed is embedded in each one and they’ll all be different in nature but still a fish nonetheles. Now I know this won’t be easy, but the good news is, I’ll be here when ya need me.”

He says with the cheesiest of grins as he leans back in his convenient jasper framed chair with THEE STRONGEST FIBERS of lambs wool for backing, which by the way looks way more comfortable than this cooler I’m sitting on but i digress. He reaches for a heavy book and places it in his lap and cracks its open as if to begin reading where He left off.

He sits back, and then abruptly leans forward as if he’s just had another genius idea. “You know what, After a few good catch and releases, To make the deal sweeter, if you can catch and release every fish you receive, you can have triple the amount back on land ..”

“Wheeeww !! This is NOT what I had in mind for today” I think to myself as annoyingly grab my bamboo fishing rod.

And outta nowhere he says aloud. “Girl! i can here you! Start fishing”

“OK!” I mockingly reply in my head.

Ok 1st fish wasn’t so tough ..

“ you should spend more time with your friends, “ the fish spoke as I reeled him into the boat. “ you’re so anti social. You dnt get out much and quite frankly .. “

Before I knew it I’d thrown him back as quick as he’d come up and glanced at God. He smiled.

“I wasn’t about to let him say my friends are more important than my time with you. I would never... “

He nods his head and continues on reading his gi-normous book

About 20 more fish come and go. And I let them all go with ease.

“I’ve got this” I say, dusting my hands off after tossing away yet another fish.

I continue on fishing and here comes another, after hours of waiting.

“Where’s your phone? You’ve been out here for hours. Your boyfriend must be trying to reach you... “

“You know what you might be right,” I say as I quickly place the fish in the cooler and begin to look around. As I search the boat for my phone, I find it laying right by God’s feet. I look up to him and we lock eyes. “Oh I know what this is” I say as I dump the fish back out into the water while keeping my eyes locked in His gaze. “Won’t. Get Me”

He smiles and nods. I continue to catch and release what had to have been hundreds of fish, or the same desperate talking fish a hundred times WHO KNOWS!

That is until a moment of stillness in the waters happens and for hours there’s not a fish to be caught.

“Well where are they ? I know you know!” I say to God..

“Oh they’re there, just wait” He replies without glancing up from his book.

And so I wait and I wait until I hear a faint humming sound approaching from the distance. It was a girl, riding in on a jet ski. I immediately notice that the waters her boat ripples through is the clearest of turquoise waters I’d ever seen in real life. And, funny, this girl looked oddly like me except .. she had this long silky-straight dark brown hair. And her body? UGH ! I mean did you have to where baby oil today? Somehow that darn baby oil just set me off because I just KNOW the sun was gonna help reflect her every single perfection, all the ones I didn’t have.

“Hey girl! What are you doing out here fishing? My friends rented a cabin not too far from here. You should join us.”

I glance at God and our eyes met. He didn’t say anything and I didn’t either. I turned to her and replied, “I’m good baby grl but thanks tho” I said, a bit grudgingly, as I felt God’s eyes burning through my SOUL.

“Well you won’t mind if I sit with y’all, huh?” She says, “My friends are all sleep back at the cabin. UGH they’re so lame! They just dont know how to have fun”

My ears perk up. Well what do ya know. I like to have my fair share of fun!

“That’s a tough crowd!” I replied. “Well you’d be in God, hmgh uh Good company tho”.. I look over to God who’s giving me the Nick-Young-Question-Mark face to, probably, the saddest pun he’s heard in a billion years .. I quickly turned my attention back to ole grl as I held back my laugh.

“Alright cool help me in” .. I grab her by the hand and carefully help her into the boat. As I’m doing so, I feel a sudden chill. Like the quick burst of cold you feel when someone shuts off a bright light. Almost like the warmth of God had left me. I looked and what do you know, God and his fancy jasper framed chair was gone..

But I don’t get it! He said He’d be here.. “Where’d you go God” I thought to myself.

In that moment, I started to panic. Almost like the time as a child when I’d go on a grocery run with my mom and I’d stop, for what seems like only seconds, to pick up a toy, only to look up find that my mom has disappeared. It’s probably one of the scariest few seconds you’ll endure as a child. The disappearance act that you weren’t ready for. The most panicked search you embark on, with the quickest of footsteps, as you call out her name, only to find her on the next aisle, waiting for you to catch up.

“I’m here.” I breathe a sigh of relief as I feel God’s sweet voice embrace my thoughts and calm my fears. “Remember what we talked about. Catch and release”

I thought “What? catch and release?” In utter confusion. “I haven’t seen a fish in over an hour now.. we are literally the only three living beings out here cuz there’s definitely no fish”

“Uh? Hello?” I hear two other voices say

“Jesus?! Help me Holy Ghost! You know what I meant. Charge it to my head and not my heart !” I say aloud, jokingly dragging each word like a Southern Baptist preacher.

“What was that?” Ol grl said

“Uhm,” I stall, “What’s your name again?“

And we talked and talked and she begins to feel like an old friend. Its like we’ve known each other all our lives. That is, until a question comes to me seemingly out of nowhere to ask her.

“So what have you got going for yourself? Since you’re out here just living your best life. I know you gotta be on to something? Tell me your secret“

And then something strange happens. I hear her utter something but it’s distorted like she trying talk to me under water. But she keeps talking normally as if what she’s saying is completely comprehensible.

“God, am i tripping or am i tripping tripping?” I think to myself. “Why can’t I hear her?“ I start to feel the world around me fade out as I wait for God’s answer.

And then I hear his soft, still voice say, “Some thing’s aren’t meant for you to hear, nor see.” His words fall on me like heavy bricks. I’m riddled with questions now. My emotions bubbled up so fast before I knew it I blurted out.

“So what IS meant for me to hear, huh? What’s meant for me to see? She’s a gorgeous young lady who happened to look exactly like me except for a few alterations, which I personally would’ve suggested for myself had I had the privilege of picking my own features but hey you’re the boss here.”

I’d become so lost in my emotion that I’d barely noticed that the girl suddenly was no longer there. Just gone.

“She looked so happy and carefree.”

“Ah see there’s the thing. Did you hear the word you used?” God said to me with a sense of “ah-ha” in his voice.

“And instantly I was in the Spirit, and I saw a throne in heaven and someone was sitting on it. The one sitting on the throne was as brilliant as gemstones—like jasper and carnelian. And the glow of an emerald circled his throne like a rainbow.

“Twenty-four thrones surrounded him, and twenty-four elders sat on them. They were all clothed in white and had gold crowns on their heads. From the throne came flashes of lightning and the rumble of thunder. And in front of the throne were seven torches with burning flames....

“In front of the throne was a shiny sea of glass, sparkling like crystal. In the center and around the throne were four living beings, each covered with eyes, front and back.

“The first of these living beings was like a lion; the second was like an ox; the third had a human face; and the fourth was like an eagle in flight. Each of these living beings had six wings, and their wings were covered all over with eyes, inside and out.

“Day after day and night after night they keep on saying, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God, the Almighty— the one who always was, who is, and who is still to come.”

“Whenever the living beings give glory and honor and thanks to the one sitting on the throne, The one who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down and worship the one sitting on the throne, the one who lives forever and ever.

“And they lay their crowns before the throne and say, “You are worthy, O Lord our God, to receive glory and honor and power. For you created all things, and they exist because you created what you pleased.”

Revelations 4:1-11

And then I came to him. And all i could see was his brilliance and light and his love began to radiate through me as those words echoed in my mind like the vibrant sound of a high symbol in a stairwell.

For you created all things, and they exist only because you created those things which pleases you. I wouldn’t be here, had you not found pleasure in my presence.

As much as I hate to admit it, I brought my vices along with me that day. But I didn’t leave the same way I came. I faced it head on; acknowledged those things as they were and got rid of it to save myself from ruin because despite what I feel, comparison kills.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: Have you been to the Drs yet?

Ali: I can come with if you want

Carly: what are you talking about?

Carly: why would I?

Ali: When was your last period?

Carly: idk

Carly: who cares

Ali: I think you're pregnant, Carly

Ali: whatever you plan to do, the sooner you get it handled the better

Carly: wtf no

Carly: im not

Ali: Have you done a test?

Ali: worth a check

Carly: i dont need to

Carly: id know if i was having a baby

Carly: you have it doesnt mean youre an expert k

Ali: Girl, you ain't seen 'I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant'?

Ali: its not all the drama and vomming its usually made out to be

Ali: not always

Carly: k

Carly: but youre wasting your time telling me

Carly: i dont need to know

Ali: Fair enough

Ali: but I don't mind

Ali: how have things been then?

Carly: good

Carly: what about you?

Ali: i'm glad

Ali: you know, bit stressful but getting into the swing of things with Edie

Ali: basically ready to go Singapore

Ali: just a few loose ends to sort

Carly: yea

Carly: she's good?

Ali: Yeah, pretty chill, bless her

Ali: how's Drew

Carly: he's him

Ali: Yeah

Ali: Could you tell him Meena would like to see him

Ali: he doesn't need to worry

Ali: not an ambush

Carly: k yea i will

Ali: Thanks Carly

Carly: he'll wanna see her

Carly: dont thank me

Ali: I know but thanks all the same

Ali: Its going to be weird leaving this place

Ali: I'll miss ya

Carly: no you won't

Carly: youll be having too much fun

Ali: I mean, its the plan but three kids and a full-time course

Ali: doesn't scream party party 😜

Ali: anyway, who there will let me art all over them? not a euphemism

Carly: too busy wiping baby butts and having breakdowns then

Carly: Caleb will

Carly: on both counts

Ali: Exactly, I'll be sobbing down the phone

Ali: like I never left 😂

Ali: and the jury's out there

Ali: 🤞 though

Carly: dont

Carly: unless you give me warning to zone out

Carly: he will

Carly: he loves you

Ali: duh, friend's prerogative

Ali: its best if you don't dole out the advice

Ali: not that that stops me but so I've heard

Ali: I know

Ali: Still hurt him

Ali: sometimes you can't come back from shit, so we'll see

Carly: sometimes you can

Ali: Of course

Ali: I never got to say sorry to you

Ali: that was shitty of me

Ali: things were hectic

Ali: but I really am

Carly: why

Carly: he wasnt mine

Ali: No but I knew how you felt about him

Ali: I could explain why it happened and the specific circumstances but I don't want to if you don't wanna hear it

Carly: no i didnt know

Carly: dont he wanted you for years

Carly: he got it out of his system

Ali: Okay, well I had my suspicions then

Ali: that was what it was for him

Ali: but not me

Carly: i know

Carly: you have a lot of supicious

Carly: thinking im knocked up dont make me laugh

Ali: I know the signs, Carly

Carly: i hope so

Carly: 3 kids

Ali: and you're showing them

Carly: im not

Carly: why are you trying to put the idea in my head

Carly: drew dont want your kid were not going there

Ali: because someone needs to

Ali: i don't care what drew wants

Ali: i'm telling you for you

Ali: so you can do what you want

Carly: well i do

Carly: i care what he wants

Carly: and i dont want any kids either

Ali: cool, that's totally fine but then you're on a time limit here

Ali: there's things you need to get sorted before you can't

Ali: this isn't an induction into the club, i don't need a yummy mummy friend

Ali: i care about you, i want you to do right by you on this

Carly: if you care then stop

Carly: seeing things that arent there

Carly: youre messing with my head here

Ali: i'm not trying to

Ali: do you wanna take the risk?

Ali: i'll get you a test

Ali: prove me wrong and tell me to fuck off

Ali: I WANNA be wrong too but I don't think I am so

Carly: dont

Carly: save your money for your kids

Carly: I'm not having one

Carly: i dont need to prove that or anything to you

Ali: Okay

Ali: that's all I've got to say

Ali: I won't speak on it again

Carly: good

Carly: i dont need it from you

Ali: I can imagine

Ali: but I didn't see anyone else letting you know

Ali: Had to, I'm not sorry for doing it but I am sorry its got to be me

Carly: its nobodys business

Carly: it's not even mine its not happening

Ali: Not what you do, no

Ali: but someone should be taking care of you

Ali: is Drew?

Carly: he loves me

Ali: doesn't answer the question

Carly: its not what you wanna hear you mean

Ali: Not gonna say I'm happy for you 'cos how could I?

Ali: But if you think I want Drew

Ali: then no

Carly: you should

Carly: you should want him

Ali: Well, I don't

Ali: I'm not saying he's the devil incarnate but I just don't

Ali: and you wouldn't want me to so?

Carly: i want him to be happy

Ali: We all want that for him

Ali: he doesn't feel it rn I know

Ali: but we do

Ali: You too, Carly

Carly: like i said im good

Ali: I hope so

Ali: don't you think you make Drew happy?

Carly: he wanted you and his kid you know that

Ali: No he didn't, doesn't

Ali: He's not seen her at all, its been a month

Ali: and you know he has no plans

Carly: im not telling tales on him

Carly: you know why he hasn't been around

Ali: Not asking you to

Ali: just bare in mind that he's got his side and I've got mine

Ali: Respect his but don't deny me mine, I know what happened and what was said to me

Carly: k

Ali: [Drewsif: I want nothing to do with it, that thing, fuck you both]

Ali: last I heard

Ali: I'm taking him at his word

Carly: he's in pieces

Carly: he doesnt want you and caleb pushing him out

Carly: her calling someone else dad while he pays up

Ali: We all are but we have to talk about it, to work it out

Ali: He's not being pushed out

Ali: its self-exile

Ali: and he isn't paying anything, don't expect him to, even though I'd be within my rights to ask

Ali: that ain't me

Ali: He's her Father, always will be but if he won't communicate with me, how can I make him step up?

Ali: I'm not about to make him, he has to want it, want her

Carly: he's scared

Ali: Understandable

Ali: He isn't the only one

Ali: he's allowed to be

Ali: but he isn't allowed to use her as a pawn, no

Carly: i know

Carly: i wish i could help

Ali: I know

Ali: you're a good person, Carly

Ali: I'm not trying to be a cunt, to anyone

Ali: but especially not you

Ali: I just wish everything could be sorted

Carly: Don't make laugh

Carly: I am not

Carly: everything'll get sorted he just needs to sort his head first

Ali: You are

Ali: Can't even help yourself, like 😘

Ali: I want him too

Ali: but if he could, keep us in the loop

Ali: because then I'll know what to say and do

Ali: I've got to think of Edie, first

Ali: but I don't hate Drew, and I want what's best for him

Ali: for all of us

Carly: can't help myself about load of shit

Carly: not that

Carly: give him a bit more time

Carly: not years just

Carly: she's so little

Ali: Nah

Ali: You've got many good deeds tallied to your name, trust

Ali: outweighs the rest

Ali: Okay

Ali: at the end of the day, we're always going to be here

Ali: not here here but

Ali: whenever he comes around, if he can prove he's worth it, he'll be given the chance

Ali: I'm not being unfair or keeping her from him

Carly: i know you wouldnt

Carly: i know what hes worth too

Ali: I take your word on it

Ali: but at the moment, that's all I got

Ali: but I'll be waiting on him, I promise, okay?

Carly: yea

Carly: thanks ali

Carly: youre still sweet

Ali: any time

Ali: you too girl

Carly: if i had a ma like you

Carly: the kids are lucky

Carly: and theyre gonna be good

Carly: youll see

Ali: get ready to plug your ears

Ali: too hormonal, you're gonna make me cry!

Ali: but i'm putting my life on it

Ali: its going to be good

Carly: its ok you can

Carly: have a sob

Carly: itll be kicking in for me when you get going

Ali: Thought you meant your hormones

Ali: Hope you stopped listening already, don't fight me 😉

Carly: I've killed them off

Carly: havent bleed regular since i started

Carly: it'll be all that good microwave nutrition

Ali: Gurl

Ali: Please, please PLEASE stop by the restaurant

Ali: I'll tell Gus and co, put it on my tab

Ali: If I could I'd be bringing you meals myself but I ain't gone be here

Ali: Promise bitch

Carly: itd be wasted on these tastebuds

Carly: dead too

Carly: youve got enough mouths to feed, bitch

Ali: then grub is grub so shut up and like it

Ali: need them nutrients

Ali: scrappy lil thing 😘

Carly: when she's a feeder. Thought you stopped fancying me years back

Ali: Oh no, I'm just out here biding time, poppin' out kids, 'til you come to your senses

Carly: i'll bring my imaginary kid when i roll up

Carly: you can name it

Ali: Ugh, my favourite bit!

Ali: know the way to my 💚 babe

Ali: I'll be pondering

Carly: boy or girl since you know everything

Ali: I'd have to run some tests

Ali: not bought from the chemists

Ali: lemme get the string and ring and be right there, like

Carly: ha

Carly: what do you do with that

Carly: tie me down

Ali: Literally, hog-tied and wifed up in one

Carly: casual weekday

Ali: you know it

Ali: how else did i end up the teen mum trash i am today

Carly: you arent

Carly: youre the best mum

Carly: if i was having any babies id want tips

Ali: Stop! 😭 When she's trying to break you #killabitchwithkindness

Ali: I'll set up the mummy blog now 😉 get in on it before i'm mega famous and getting those nappy brand deals

Carly: no need to link me

Carly: clueless and childless until death

Ali: hey, doesn't sound like the worst life to me

Ali: former bliss, latter...probs the same

Carly: when you going?

Carly: to singapore not the afterlife

Ali: just over a week

Ali: scary stuff, man

Carly: won't see you then

Carly: busy girl you are

Ali: I can make time

Ali: My Mother will be having an aneurysm but I'm pretty chill, ya know 😜

Carly: yea

Carly: thatd be good

Ali: Wicked, might have some kiddos in tow, at least the bab, can throw the others into Nursery mwahahaha

Ali: want me to bring the gun again, give you something to remember me by? 👌😋

Carly: aw

Carly: but the boys my fave

Carly: yea you should

Ali: when she wants you to bring a man

Ali: #baitedagain

Ali: you are his fave, why not, play dates are the chillest form of socialisation

Ali: fuck the club tbh

Ali: I will then

Ali: matching? be dem hoes?

Carly: ha

Carly: when hes that cute

Carly: aw

Carly: yea we have to

Carly: everyones thinking it

Ali: 🙌 let 'em think, make 'em talk

Carly: ill miss you

Ali: i'll miss you too

Ali: but i won't let ya, be on that phone 24/7

Ali: i've been made to swear on my life i'll be back for christmas, s'only a few months

Ali: we'll catch up then?

Carly: yea

Carly: theres your gift

Ali: yay, i'll bring you back some cool shit we don't have here no doubt

Carly: better drugs or worse

Carly: let me know

Carly: dont wanna fill your case with any old shit

Ali: with MY vagina? baggies fall right out

Ali: soz babe

Ali: mail order bride?

Ali: you know you wanna

Carly: ha

Carly: drew'd be happy

Carly: so yea should do

Ali: hm, i'll get him a keyring

Ali: 😉

Carly: he is always losing mine

Ali: See? I just KNOW things

Carly: bring him an address book too cant pretend he dont know where i am

Ali: He needs that alright

Ali: maybe I'll invent a microchip while I'm out there

Ali: hotwire his brain

Carly: yea

Carly: make me one too

Carly: different programming but

Ali: I will

Ali: get your requests in now

Carly: ill do my list

Ali: So many lists

Ali: my head is lists

Ali: as if they don't have socks there 🙄

Carly: use mine for storage

Carly: its emptied out

Ali: nah, might be nights out lights out

Ali: but you still in there

Ali: better be, not gotta make a cake but you know I'm coming so 💚

Carly: never made one but for you id give it a try

Carly: especially if you bring my fave boy

Ali: Obviously! Mum rule #1, bribe 'em with sugar, always

Ali: 😍 lets make fairy cakes #domesticgoddesses

Carly: dont think the caravan is kitted out for that

Carly: but yea

Ali: come over here man

Ali: there isn't a kitchen better stocked

Ali: can't even take the cred

Carly: serious? i can

Ali: Of course, hell yeah

Ali: ngl, save me getting out the pram of hell, double wide, you'd see me coming from a mile off 🙄😂

Carly: gonna borrow that when im feeling tired

Carly: ill fit

Ali: you probably would, its tempting

Ali: get Junie walking for me and there's a spot with your name on it

Carly: run into my arms sweet boy

Ali: [Sends Junior selfie]

Ali: The look of love, he's buzzin'

Carly: aw

Carly: trying to make me wish there is a kid in here

Carly: if its a boy like him

Ali: they'll work on you like that

Ali: sneaky adorable bastards

Carly: itd be a rio

Carly: i know

Ali: shh, she might hear you 😜

Ali: i can't hold her back, gurl, you'll be on your own

Carly: junie will protect me

Ali: Fair, he's her weak spot

Ali: Solid plan

Carly: whats edie gonna say

Carly: havent even seen her

Ali: she's not much of a talker

Ali: i'll whack my tit out if she gets aggro

Ali: that always works

Carly: on all the girls yea i know

Ali: you said it baby

Carly: war flashbacks happening

Carly: been on more tits than you

Ali: alright, don't rub it in

Ali: straight bitch

Carly: dont say rub

Carly: ive done my time

Ali: 😂 you say that but no one forced you

Ali: self-inflicted punishment still punishment, yeah?

Carly: yea yea

Ali: Well, I better go buy those vacuum pack things

Ali: WILD

Ali: need anything?

Carly: fun

Carly: no thanks

Carly: im set

Ali: coolio, catch you in a bit bitch 💋

Carly: love you bitch

Ali: always gon' love you

Ali: BITCH