#under this premise part time work is valid too!

[jakeperalta]

I'm curious. what job would you do if money was no object (you just automatically had an income you could live comfortably on)? including work like volunteering, studying etc. please share in the tags :)

[kalims]

⊹ SPEAK NOW | malleus draconia

premise. malleus has been planning something for a while now, first he decided quality was foremost. wouldn't you appreciate the things he love about you? well that failed. now he just has to settle with quality, the most grandest suprise of a confession just for you.

it's just a battle of will if his impatience clouds over the voices that won't even let him profess to you!

content. gender neutral reader, fluff, crack

wc. 4.2k words, I know it's a hassle to read long posts but give me a chance :')

note. thank you to paru who generously commissioned me again! <3 i hope you enjoy it and everyone else as well <3

written a total of 8k+ words for mal in the span of two works now whew wow

not even malleus' future coronation would hold the amount of planning as this.

"my, I'm very impressed." sat upon a velvet chair lilia chuckles with a clear look of amusement present on his face. "I did not expect you to learn how to create a powerpoint presentation." 

he watches malleus' lips curve into a small smile—no doubt feeling a sense of accomplishment by the former's words. he was always like this wasn't he? looking for praise when he was a child. fufu.. lilia muses, but his boy is all grown up now. malleus is no longer a child despite lilia having to say something about it.

no longer a child as in now a grown man attempting to get his 'approval' of his apparent chosen beloved.

when malleus stretched out an invitation to him for a serious talk (well. malleus didn't mention the serious part but the look on his face, is something lilia can easily discern.) he didn't think much of it. perhaps the boy just wanted to open up about something.

he's not sure if malleus already sensed his presence but lilia is sure that even though he's getting pretty old blending in with the shadows is a skill he hasn't slacked off upon.

lilia chose not to announce his presence and step out instead, who knows? maybe malleus will finally emit that startled face he's been looking for. though he seems used to the sight of lilia popping out of nowhere.. in everywhere to the point that it just doesn't bother him as much.

unsurprisingly malleus didn't bat an eye and just ushered him to sit down and that he did.

lilia merely watches in amused silence when malleus attempts to open the laptop, failing to click the right button for a few times before the black screen brightens up in light. before he knew it he could spot the microsoft powerpoint icon below the bar.

being curious was an understatement.

though he's certainly proud that the device; valid enough to call frail did not break under malleus' power. or, maybe he should just be proud that the boy did not lose his cool.

by the time lilia finished pondering about it, malleus had finally figured out how to fullscreen it. "are you ready?" politely questioned by the horned man, at least he still attained the manners taught by lilia.

the latter flashes him a fanged grin. "whenever you are."

the first screen is just an introduction. it looked familiar and lilia is fairly sure malleus just looked up a tutorial and copy-pasted it. 'why you should be my lover.' it read, and he already knew that this isn't meant for him. but meant to get his opinion.

not for me but for you. he muses. how adorable!

'1.) I am very influential. I will be king soon and I will get you whatever you ask.' true but he should get your opinion on that, whether you care about his status or not.

'2.) you told me you like my horns, so I shall banish everyone else who has it if it could deter you from loving me.' ah. that one is a bit extreme.. lilia has no doubts that the boy will actually do it.

malleus' face though, shifts into something serious when he spots the second slide. yep, he's not joking.

'3.) I find you very endearing and would like to wed you as soon as possible.' eh.. this one showcases his clear love for you but since humans and fae have varied degrees of love it might be a little too fast for you.

'4.) ramshackle has its charms but my castle is a much more comfortable living condition. if you'd be mine it will all be yours' romantic.

'5.) I will be with you forever. if there is ever a time when the world is against you, it will be us against it together. rest assured, you will not be alone because I will face it with you'

"how swe—oh." lilia blinks when malleus accidentally exits and with his keen eyes, was able to spot the amount of slides there are. goodness me. there are over a hundred. lilia chuckles.

lilia loves malleus. very much so, that boy is practically his son that he raised with his sweat and tears. there are no lengths he's not willing to cross for his beloved family but wow.. for once lilia is speechless once he realizes.

a bit much.. isn't it? though not mentioned, malleus took his sweet time going over each slide and pausing to further elaborate on the contents of the smile. and if there really are over a 100 slides it isn't gonna finish anytime soon.

plus cater invited lilia for another night out. isn't that nice? he can't simply bail on his.. young friend like that.

"I can see how much you see the prefect dear." lilia starts, watching malleus' face soften into something genuine. "if you want my honest opinion. a human will not receive much love in the valley." he says simply.

just like that his face crumbles into something heartbroken. like the truth was just slapped to his face and left there. lilia's heart clenches at the look so he continues, "but my opinion as your caretaker, love knows no bounds. if you truly love them then you should do so freely." 

just like that malleus looks up at him, peering and all. looking hopeful.

slowly but surely the light that had drained from his face gradually came back and lilia is taken back to the past once he compares his current expression to one when he was a kid receiving his first gift that's something other than an object made entirely out of riches.

a gift so priceless.

malleus smiles, the one where his eyes would crinkle and obscure his vision, and his pointy ears would twitch in joy. if he had a tail it would certainly be wagging right now. "thank you. shall I deliver it to them now?"

"you mean to send, honey?"

he blinks. "ah, yes."

_

in an equally concerning and interesting way. lately, sebek has been... more lenient? which is strange to a degree because he would never let you get away without scolding your ear off for literally referring to malleus as 'tsunotaro'. 

well. he did pause to give you a look but you get the point! the sebek does not only spare a look when it comes to the expense of malleus.

ace chatters away beside you, once again attempting to start an argument against deuce who's very intent on being a pacifist for some reason.

and grim? well. grim's probably robbing someone's lunch right now.

for once all you four have collectively set your eyes on something. you narrow your eyes. "he's acting weird." your hand flicks to a certain green-haired male while the other three nod in agreement.

"why don't we ask him right now?" ace suggests with a cheeky smile. before deuce could object and clamp his mouth shut he was already shouting; "sebek! why are you acting weird?"

said boy immediately hears. fae heritage you suppose. you can tell from the furrow of his brows but for an odd reason, you’re not sure of yourself his face shifts into something.. proud? sebek looks at the student he was conversing with before walking over.

and with a triumphant grin he says; “malleus-sama has finally taken notice of my devotion!” you raise your brows and share a look with the other three cause, seriously? that man can’t notice sebek if it meant his life.

though you can't deny the rush of curiosity flowing into your head. sure, it seemed wholly impossible and weird overall but it didn’t mean that you wouldn’t wanna find out.

it seemed like deuce wanted to know as well. “uh.. how exactly?”

“ha! are you planning to do the same?” huffed sebek.

deuce looked like a mixture of offended and concerned. “let’s go with that?”

“well, lilia-sama sent me a presentation and said it was from the master. It was about appreciating my one-of-a-kind existence!”

you look flabbergasted. “oh… wow, i didn’t know malleus was so caring about his.. subjects.”

sebek nods in agreement. to think about it, at the mention of lilia and the message in the same sentence flashes a series of memories back into your mind. earlier this day, didn't lilia send a heads up? something about malleus and.. message.

but that's just crazy right? there's no way it would be connected to this. you nod your head at sebek slowly, "good for you dude." his face scrunches up at your casual nickname but in favor of your genuine comment, he'll let it slide.

blinking, you ask; "where is malleus anyways?" at your question sebek's back straightens as he stands up straight and sort of, glowers at you.

a part of sebek knows that the most logical action to do right now was, of course, to withdraw that kind of information from you cause really, who are you? in comparison to the young master, not even the most noblest of nobles are being told his locations.

for a security measure sebek approves of.

but sebek has witnessed and watched malleus' glory himself. next to you, it's as though you’re blind to it which is immensely insulting—but, as he's on his way to run his mouth off at you he sees something in the young master's eyes.

something new and warm.

maybe that's what he needs. someone who will be blind to the glory accompanying him and just see the person behind it. that must be it! malleus feels like a person behind your eyes.

though most do not think so, you're good for him. and even as much as sebek would rather strangle himself to admit it, it's true.

so he makes up his mind and just tells you, sparing the other three (who are very interested in the conversation apparently.) a glance before leaning towards you so they won't hear. "I heard the young master was visiting the botanical garden."

huh. that's new.

before you could open your mouth to ask why he just shoves the face of his palm to your face. "and do not even think about sharing this to anyone!" he shouts. alerting everyone that you do have something to say.

seriously?

sebek just marches away, most probably going to haul silver out of his peaceful nap.

"what did he say?" asked ace.

you make a blank face. for the sake of your dignity, and probably his own you'll keep the promise sebek bestowed upon you. "absolutely nothing."

you ignore ace's grumbles and complaints, out of anticipation you suppose. there's nothing juicier than whatever he witnessed and since sebek practically announced it he wants to know whatever he told you.

again. you give the other two a farewell before walking off without another word to ace.

clearly, there's something freaky going on inside the garden. you wince, picking your leg out of an awfully strong grip of a plant that's very much alive. well, you knew they weren't dead but they didn't always try to just rip off your limbs.

also, it was literally raining in here, how is it raining?! the sun was literally out like a second ago before you entered.

if that wasn't supernatural then you don't know what is.

which makes you curious. whose ass would professor crewel and crowley alike hand back to them? something as strange as this wouldn't pass without notice.

you flinch. also, does no one see the lightning flashing from outside?!

okay so you know that malleus would definitely survive under this weather but your real question is; where the hell is he anyways? from the amount of time you crossed through the botanical garden gave you a vague understanding of the layout.

but that didn't mean you'd really enjoy spending a good amount of time wandering in search of a green man.

with horns.

he's pretty tall..

you blank. "malleus?" you try.

surprisingly unsurprising the man literally materializes next to you in the form of.. some kind of sparkle. and he displays a cool attitude even at the sight of you frowning at him out of confusion, probably also recovering from the jumpscare.

"oh.. you actually came." you deadpan. was it that easy all along?

a smile plays on his lips. "you called."

"is someone bothering you, child of man?" he asked seriously. stepping forward and you notice that he hesitates in taking your arms and checking them over but instead lets them hover over it uselessly.

you raise your brows but make no move to point him out. "uh.. no? but something is bothering me though."

maybe saying that was a mistake cause you suspect that malleus' fondness for you (if not too big of an assumption) surpasses all kinds of basic logic sometimes.

by sometimes you mean.. a long of times.

in a flash his concerned look shifts into something hilariously serious. "hm? there are.. what is it then? a cursed artifact?" your brows furrow and in a way you actually don't know what to say.

"what." you deadpan. "no?"

"perhaps lilia's guitar with electricity is bothering you?" tried again by malleus.

uh oh. now you gotta deny that one or else he'll actually destroy that and lilia is gonna be really cold when he does that. "heavens no!"

now he just looks confused. "what is it then? tell me. I will rid it for you."

you sweatdrop. "no I mean.. I heard you were supposed to be giving me a message or something from lilia. but you weren't anywhere so I asked where you were." you explained. gesturing wildly as malleus listens intently. 

finally, after a good solid 10 seconds of silence, a look of understanding washes over his face and you exhale a sigh of relief. "ah. that is correct."

"so where is it?"

"please, give me a second."

right in front of your eyes he just flat-out disappeared in the same particles he appeared with. so you just stand there awkwardly in silence, only realizing that the very stormy weather had disappeared and faded into something normal.

you shrug. weird things are normal here you guess.

before then malleus had already returned with a.. chest of.. crystals and he looks oddly bashful and shy when he just holds it out to you. (also proud? but you get the point!) "uh." you start, unsure.

"what's this?" you gesture to the bundle that would cost you a whole literal mansion to get.

he smiles at you. "I realized that perhaps the message from the electronic device would not match up the meaning I'd like to convey so I figured I'd do this instead." also you didn't even reply to him. of course you wouldn't! he'd feel insulted too if that's all he'd do to express his love and gratitude. 

malleus takes advantage of your confusion and carefully places the box in your arms. you nearly fall over from the weight cause what the hell are these things made of?

expensive minerals you suppose.

"these are traditional gifts in briar valley." he explained. but like, what? you mean over a thousand gems and whatnot in a box is a gift? all of a sudden you feel bad gifting him a rock as a joke because you didn't have anything on you.

I should really step up. you think grimly.

malleus seems to be thinking. "and.. a gift for cour—"

"malleus." seethed an eerily cold voice. both of you just freeze and malleus shuts up completely. is he actually looking tense and scared?!

you look at lilia with wide eyes, unblinking in fear that if you do blink he's just gonna teleport right at your face and next thing you know everything's black.

although malleus definitely looks less horrified than you, he looks way too scared for you to think that way. 

hesitantly, malleus replies quietly. "lilia." he places his arms behind his back like he's speaking to a war general or something but that's impossible haha..

"care to explain why my instrument suddenly caught on fire after it got struck by electricity?" lilia raises a brow. casting you a kind glance for a second before returning his sharp look at malleus.

the latter tips his head in shame and you feel like you should not be witnessing this.

but wait. malleus actually did that? you thought he was literally joking.

you did not see malleus after that.

to word it better he was not allowed to see you.

lilia had said, and you quote. 'he simply won't learn if I don't punish him' with a shrug so casual that you doubted if it was the same malleus he grounded that you were thinking about. 

the 'top 10 in ranking in terms of power' kind of malleus you were thinking.

if malleus actually listened to lilia then you doubt that he doesn't have some kind of comparable power.

while for some time you did think that lilia sent malleus to solitary confinement, unlikely but with him apparently not having met with anyone it's definitely possible.

well that theory was quickly thrown out the window when you find a letter right at the mat of your front door. signed in an eccentric manner by; m.d which could only belong to one person.

long story short, he wanted to meet you at the school cafeteria which was strange in itself cause you're almost sure that the students avoid malleus like the plague and if he's there surely it'd be wiped out right now.

which.. you're not exactly opposed to if it meant not having a huge line to the menu!

though you suppose the environment had made you used to it.

when you come close the doors magically open, and they were not given the privilege to close seeing as they still sensed you near.

well the reason why you won't let the doors just close is for the very fact that the tables of the cafeteria are absolutely gone. replaced with many eccentric tables filled with food, and drinks alike.

also, there's a literal disco ball so something was definitely going on. was there some kind of secret prom that no one told you about? if so then you're about to bolt out knowing full well you're in your regular uniform.

many people who you presume as students are all littered across the room with varying fancy degrees of clothing. either devouring the tables or just dancing.

overall it was very fancy and clearly you aren't even meant to be here.

you pause a little longer to take in the surroundings in hopes of satisfying your curiosity. unfortunately, all you had was a party you accidentally trespassed on (again. not your fault, no one told you!) so you just turned on your heel, and the doors literally shut in your face.

"???" you blink.

"apologies but if I let you leave malleus will be more upset." giggled a familiar voice, far less colder than you remember from your previous meeting. you snap your head to lilia who looks like he's resolved whatever with malleus.

you furrow your brows. "wait, this is his doing?" you cross your arms over your chest. unlike this very colorful room, in comparison to appealing dark malleus it was completely a contrast. a weird one.

lilia nods with a cheeky smile. he knows more than he tells you. "yes."

"but why exactly?"

"hm. you really don't know? shall I tell you?" he places a finger over his chin and looks up. "I shouldn't!"

is he really doing this right now?

at your frowning face lilia chuckles away. "I'm merely jesting, dear. you see malleus hasn't gotten time to properly convey his message to you."

well, that is true. you blank. even a few days ago since the adeuce duo was always following you around it was only in due time that their tongues would betray them when malleus asked to talk to you alone.

"you didn't even send the message that you said he had for me." you narrow your eyes at lilia who pauses. "oh, did I?"

"yes, you did."

he shrugs. "well that was an accident."

"like the time at the botanical garden?"

this time he looks more sheepish at your constant picking but quickly laughs it off. lilia appears behind you and guides you down the main area with a push. for such a small body he's doing it quite easily, no?

not that you'd ever say that out loud.

"I shouldn't keep my boy's special guest, off you go." he whisks you away to the crowd and pushes you there.

next thing you know you're face to face with a very happy malleus who obviously perks up at your presence and waves a finger.

suddenly there's some kind of big light shining down at you, in response you raise an arm over your eyes and think; what in the hell is going on?! why is everything going so fast?

you could hear everyone silence out and feel the embarrassment grow tenfold. why did you even come here again? "my child of man." malleus starts and by the volume of his voice you can tell that he's using a microphone. 

you freeze up. "what." you reply slowly.

"before I've met you my world was encased in grey and white."

is he like proposing or something?

"everyone was afraid of me, even those deemed as strong. so it made me wonder, why you? a powerless, ordinary human were not?" way to hurt a 'powerless, ordinary human's' feelings malleus

"perhaps I am a fool but I realized the reason why everything was so colorless. when I stared into your eyes for the first time I realized that everything was warm—colorful. the rest isn't my world, because it's—"

you were about to think that you were equally flattered and embarrassed but before he could finish his little speech the mic just gets straight up cut off. 

everyone looks behind malleus and you want to bolt out when you realize that those three are your friends. you facepalm. "oh for the love of.."

malleus reaches out to you. "wait—"

"hmph. I should have known this would have attracted trouble." vil.

"child of man?"

"how improper! draconia was speaking.. when I get my hands on them it's off with their head!" riddle.

"I apologize for the inconvenience i—"

"if you'd like them to have a suitable punishment I know just the thing." azul.

"stop speaking right now." seethed malleus.

"everyone keep talking." said leona smoothly. 

"oh my.. this will end in disaster." lilia.

"ace I told you to not go here!"

"shut up deuce!"

"you—"

a myriad of voices all start bypassing each other and it's honestly hard to hear who's speaking save from a few familiar voices.

you glance at everyone with a mixture of concern and irritation before your gaze lands over malleus, then down his hand which held a microphone who was long broken before.

somehow lightning strikes inside the cafeteria, just centimeters away from the trio who huddled together and shook in a group hug.

"ENOUGH." everyone does just that.

"as I was saying, you are my world (name) and I'd very much like it if I can be yours." malleus says quickly, looking away shyly before smiling at you like he didn’t just snap.

everyone's jaw drops, including yours but that's not the only thing that did because well. you did too! figuratively and literally. 

if the silence wasn't already prominent before then it certainly is because everyone just watched you on the floor after the thump, clearly unconscious and comically steaming from the ears.

then it's just a very panicky-chaotic scenario, a lot of screaming that just made more people start screaming too.

in a flash, malleus is hovering over your body. simultaneously looking you over for possible injuries that might have caused this and about to stare down anyone that actually dared to come in closer.

except lilia it seems.

the last person that tried to approach was grim and he got the searing glare from malleus.

malleus softens his look once he spares a glance at you and quickly leans over to lilia. "what's happened? have they been poisoned? cursed?"

lilia chuckles. "not at all. I'm afraid your confession had not only given everyone a shock but them as well."

"so I've done this?" malleus looks immensely saddened. lilia explains once again like he's done it over a hundred times. "it's not your fault my dear."

"you bring them to the infirmary, stay by their side. I'm sure they will be happy to see you there one they wake up." lilia said, malleus already being one step ahead and sliding you in his arms.

he's dreamt of doing this but definitely not this way!

"meanwhile I will deal with this mess of a party." lilia shakes his head. "go now."

an hour later you wake up disoriented and so confused as to why malleus is so suddenly affectionate with you. the bigger question is, why is everyone staring at you?!

"so you'll help me right, azul?"

the former laughs nervously at you and tips his hat in an apologetic motion. "I'm afraid I can't.. someone like me surely is not worth your time." he continues laughing, sneaking a gaze behind you and dipping it quickly once he sees the flash of green.

you just stare at him confused. why won't anyone talk with you normally?

note. OMG I just realized the title i picked is literally perfect!! if you know the song then you'll know the line 'horrified looks from everyone in the room' IT MATCHES RIGHT HELP

commision me!

[random2908]

On top of all the grief, having a family member commit suicide is just so fucking complicated.

I feel like, among other things, my brother pulled the rug out from under all the work I've put into building a relationship with my parents over the past 15 years. But at the same time, I can't abandon them at this point in their lives. They only have about 20-30 years left--my mom just turned 70. And I'm most likely going to be their caretaker for the last few years of it. And, you know, they're struggling and grieving, even more than I am. All the awful stuff they say--that's (partly) grief.

But it's just so familiar, too. It's everything I predicted they would be like when push came to shove. It's everything my college friends worked so hard to convince me was paranoid delusions, that no one was really like that--especially not nice, supportive people like my parents--and that better relationships were possible because people could be good. All that healing I did in my late teens and early to mid 20s, in order to build up trust with my parents in my late 20s and throughout my 30s, was based on the false premise that I was wrong about them. So I guess, thank you to him for retroactively validating mentally-ill, teenage-me, but also I never would have had to know that and things could have been fine.

But also. They're handling this so poorly, in ways that echo the ways they messed me up as a kid, but, they're not bad people, they're not even bad parents except for a few specific things. They are not people who deserve to be abandoned by their children in the twilight of their lives. So I can't do that to them, not even for my own sake, not even temporarily to get a bit of distance. Because whatever peace I would gain from it is much less than the hurt I would cause them, and like I said, they don't deserve that.

My brother was also--albeit passively and largely indirectly--a large part of my remaining tie to my two sisters, what little there was, insofar as he was the only sibling I got along with, and he was the only sibling who all the other siblings liked (although he didn't like our middle sister, even if she had decided she liked him), so when he'd have a holiday party everyone would come. Who knows what's even going to happen with that, now, but I feel like if I never speak to my sisters and they never speak to me again, except for a text message on each of our birthdays, it wouldn't be a surprise at this point. It's not a huge deterioration of where my relationships with them (respectively) already were, but it's that last little bit of normal potentially breaking away. And they're my sisters, you know, you aren't supposed to let the last little bit of your relationships with your siblings break away like that.

[dark-falz]

I realized I wasn’t paying attention to spell check and “seperatre” is suppose to be “separate” but it’s too late for me to fix ok ok so the Algolian Seal is based of a Hexagram seal right ok we’re here. .....drawing this up was easy but explaining it will not be...I apologize for sloppiness in advance.

The rotating bits I think. So the entire seal itself rotates in use, but the highlighted parts rotate differently. In a seal, this would mean these are the roots for power/energy/magic to be created. The phrase “I wish it at an alliance from several years ago” can be considered an “invocation chant”. The planets are the natural (you could even say natal HEH) source of power this magic would take from, which is why they are also rotating.

Also note the planets with the rule of 3 in the seal. Yes there’s the 3 planets but looking across the seal those planets are in line with 2 more circles. This signifies the structure and how I came to the conclusion the Algolian seal is based off a Hexagram seal, as shown in the Lesser Key of Solomon. And now we know this is based of Abrahamic religions. However, when it comes to the general magic premise of Phantasy Star, I believe they took a more Hermetic approach to it based on the use of Zodiac symbols on Falz’s arena, the use of planets as power, mention of reincarnation in seals, and how they mention “Crowley” in PSP2I. (but we aren’t in that universe yet. Go ahead and google “Crowley” tho you’ll find him.) Hermetics also largely deal with Theurgy, which is what magic circles would be used in. (Theurgy is working with Divine through ritual, invocation or envocation, and can even get into possession. The ultimate goal in Theurgy is to unite with the Divine)  But, alchemy is huge in Hermeticism, and I do feel there is a lack of alchemy references. Unless I’m missing them but I’ve been really going out of my way. It could be on a science level beyond my understanding, and relevant to Photon energy. Dr. Montague using corrupt Photon energy from monsters to make weapons is something I’ve considered, but I’d also like to know more about Dr. Osto and his experiments. There’s also, you know, the whole turning things into things using things which is a totally valid point but maybe I wanna know the how’s and why’s to that too ok.

Ok back to the seal right so Arabahamic religion ok so the Photon Blasts would be the Angels written in that middle circle. Specifically middle circle. The Angles in the middle circle indicate the time the seal was created, the date it was created, the time it will be used, the date it will be used, their “companies” (which I don’t fully understand yet) some other stuff, you get it now the Photon Blasts are Angels. I can’t say if the order here matters or not.Theurgy is also very prevalent in the Arabahamic religion, and Angels and Demons would fall under Theurgy.

The elements? O-oh yeh uh..I mostly threw those in there...They could have different placement. They could have something to do with the alchemy now that I think about it, but honestly when it comes to these magic circles, it seems the elements don’t have to be fire/air/wind/water related. The elements of the series are another thing I don’t have a great enough understanding of to speak about yet. Lets figure out Photon first.

“Great Light Power” would be the supreme god. The creator god. “GOD” god. And remember, “Light makes darkness. A pair exists, but it doesn’t always exist” And it SEEMS A LIIIITTLE BIT TO MEEE that Pioneer 1 & 2 might have created a pair with the power of “MUUT DITTS POUMN” the energy Falz was sealed with, and caused their own problems. OR! It could have been the rule of 3′s with counting the uses of “MUUT DITTS POUMN” in magic. There’s...5? sets of 3′s going on now? Angel numbers are a thing, there’s a wholeass divination method that uses numbers called “Numerology”. I nearly failed math because of dyslexia with numbers so if someone else wants to figure that out, amazing, cause I probably won’t :3 (I’d help tho :D) I also was pointed out how the pillars used to open the ruins share a symbol used in the original series, proving again the ruins was literally a spaceship used to seal Falz from the Algol star system. If its a reference to the Great Light Power I have no honest clue yet :)

Next thing I’ll be getting into is probably the seal for Falz’s arena leaning on the fact that the zodiac signs are the 4 heros, for now. (meaning I won’t be getting too into that lmao)

A few refrences I’d like to share are A forum where I found the original Phantasy Star refrences since idk shit about them atm (the lore here is juice) A Reddit post on the properties of Magic Circles

Because the rest of my information comes from books like the Magus and The Lesser Key of Solomon which I have on play books (Cause I’m impulsive!), a few books I have on Hermetic Magic that are less recent purchases, and the information I’ve gained on magic over nearly...20...years....I’m realizing and that feels really weird (I started meddling in books around age 10 and kept a Hermetic approach to magic until falling into a faith, maybe 4 or 5 years ago. I only realized those things about 2 years ago. I’ve been writing spells for at least 7 years now and it started with using the planets and zodiacs as sources of power. Ultimately, Yu-Gi-Oh, or specifically the Dark Magicians brought me to magic. So to put it bluntly without saying too much, after my realizations, now the main magic I attempt to replicate is “Heka.” If anything I research ties into Egypt AND IT DOES scratch the surface, I eat it the fuck up so this is a win-win for me you feel.

Also I’d like to note if I’m researching a magic that is specific to a religion other than my own, I feel its important for me to treat this information with respect. Some practices of Arabahamic religions are closed, meaning not for just anyone. (Another closed practice example would be Voodoo) Since Abrahamic religion has little to do with what I practice, I skim for relevant information only, meaning its easy for me to miss something. If I don’t know whether a religion is open or closed, I treat it like its closed. (I don’t want additional information anyway unless it says Egypt lmao)

Ok bye & I’d love to hear input on this or another take on it, or additional lore :)

[thatanthagirl]

Why Addiction Is Not a Disease

A Book Review of “The Biology of Desire” by Marc Lewis

By: Tiago V.F.

I heard good things from Marc Lewis, and I was curious to read his work on addiction. I was mostly interested in his book Memoirs of an Addicted Brain, but it wasn’t available on Audible, so I went with one which is his latest.

I was afraid that I was going to be a bit disappointed. I wasn’t particularly interested in arguing against addiction as a disease, as I was already convinced of it, and I didn’t want a very in-depth look at the neuroscience of addiction.

Luckily, despite both topics being fundamental in the book, I still greatly enjoyed it and it was a very balanced perspective. The typical argument for addiction as a disease is that the brains of addicts change with their drug use, as the systems that deal with rewards and motivation are reshaped by it. Lewis’ arguments against this were well presented, and it’s the constant theme throughout the book.

There are two studies that are helpful to cast doubt on the traditional model of addiction. One is that 75% of heroin-addicted veterans from the Vietnam War managed to remain sober once returning one. The other is the “rat” parks, where rats have to choose between morphine and water. Isolated rats choose the morphine until they die. This was used to argue for a classical model of addiction. As if the drug itself creates a biological need that overtakes behavior. However, later studies where rats had other rats to interact with, they chose water, even if they were previously addicted to morphine.

I was already familiar with both studies, and I was happy that they were mentioned but weren’t in the core of his argument. In fact, they are mentioned very briefly. The core of his thesis is that the supposed brain changes that underlie addiction are, in fact, normal to the circumstances they are in. There is no valid reason to call that a disease.

There was a fair bit of neuroscience, but it never felt too overwhelming. The main premise is that addiction is a habit. A very deep, very entrenched habit, but a habit. It is a normal process that is created in the brain through repeated action and experience. These habits, in turn, modify synaptic networks, and new brain patterns reflect the experience they were created by.

While addiction falls under this habit-creation process, part of what makes it more problematic is that intense and recurring desires increase the speed at which this happens, strengthening the feedback cycle. But the neuroplasticity that underlies the whole process is no different than the regular learning and desire you experience every day. The latter which countless examples are given, such as falling in love or enjoying sports.

What I liked the most about the topic is that it deals with addiction in a deeply personal manner. There is a fair bit of science that explains much of what I covered above, but it is often described within the context of a specific life experience to explain the mechanism of addiction. The book describes five true stories of people who became addicted and managed to quit and lead productive lives. These stories were incredible to read and, for me would have been worth a book in themselves. But Lewis uses these stories as examples of what goes on when people get addicted.

I really appreciated the compassionate perspective around addiction. The disease model is, in large part, so appealing because it seems to be humane towards those who suffer from it. It seems a response to people who think they just have a weak will. This dichotomy is destroyed several times by Lewis, and he makes abundantly clear that just because the brain processes are natural does not mean it is useful to talk about behavior being easily stopped through sheer will. This is clear not only from the stories that are featured in the book but also from the author’s own experience as an addict.

It was a fantastic book, and despite being familiar with the overall case that is presented, I still learned a lot. Both in terms of the neuroscience of addiction, but perhaps most importantly, how this plays out in the real-world, described by real people who went through hell and managed to come out of it.

[angelisverba]

AHH OK CAN I JUST SAY I HAVE BEEN EXCITEDLY AWAITING A PART 2 TO PLUGRRY AND NOW THAT IT’S HERE I WANT TO THANK YOU SO MUCH! IT WAS AMAZING..and I am a bit shameful in saying I am excited for a continuation already (if you are planning it of course!)

I did have a question about the plot though, just wanna make sure I’m not misunderstanding your superb writing.

So because y/n was under the influence of the brownie could she have truly consented to any type of sexual interaction, considering it was her first time high too? (I know they didn’t go all the way cause plugrry recognized the state she was in, but they did do other stuff) Or was the premise that she took the brownie wanting the outcome to be what happened?

Just want to understand, and I may have missed the points where consent was given verbally/nonverbally cause I was so excited to take in the writing that you put so much hard work on.

Anyways, so happy to hear that you’re back, and I hope you recognize the talent you have!

hi! plug h is only gonna be two parts officially but some one shots in the future! thanks for being so gentle with you question, and it’s valid too. harry knows that she’s not in a position to give consent which is why he doesn’t penetrate her, but he also knows that because she took WELL over the rec dose and is so horny to the point that it’s extremely painful, he does what he does. she tells him that she’d already tried taking care of it MULTIPLE times and knows the only way it will go away or ease up is if someone else does it for her. so, yeah! i hope this answers that :D

[roxenne-the-vixen]

HEAD CANONS

--gonna add those to her about page too when I finally have free time BUT some small things about Roxenne have changed

VOX

*VOX is Roxenne's boss as well as holder of her soul. In short-- He Owns Her

Rather than being his glorified slave/PA who did small gigs on the side she is now basically a full on idol that ajao sings at A Speak Easy known as The Rabbit Hole (run by her best friend Vio the Bunny who she knew in life too) For a little side money as VOX takes most of her profit. He contracts her as per the deal she made.

The Deal: Roxenne fell into Hell looking for someone, her lover who she followed in death (Arackniss)--in her written canon-- ((there is a whole mess of deep, dark lore that I am happy to go into in DM as well as some written in her about)) and while it didn't happen right away, she eventually wound up in VOX's hands with the deal along the lines of "I can get you seen everywhere-- and he could find you!" --Cliche? Maybe But thinking about it in her perspective she was naive and in love-- over time of course she grows to dread this deal but is now stuck with him as basically one of his money making puppets.

*Yes she still DOES know Angel Dust as a part time actress who has guest started in a few of his films.

--singers/idols appearing in movies and shows IS a valid thing so this still works on how she knows Angel Dust as a "CO worker"

Her base story is pretty much still the same I just changed the terms of her "employment" under VOX and their kind of relationship.

--of any VOX writers are interested in playing with this kind of relationship with her as well as/or something shippy over time PLEASE HMU I would love to write and plot with you!

--Her demon form is a Lunar moth-fennac fox hybrid as such, she actually DOES have an extra pair of retractable arms. She doesn't let them out much, so as to remain more constant in her fennec fox form since she resembles a fox more-- and she doesn't like to let them out or use them but she can and she will if it's absolutely nessasary.

-- She favors her fennec form over her moth/insect like pieces (plus she looks more like a fox than a moth) so she tends to keep that as her base form and hides her wings (which are in a way retractable like her arms). She does however let them unfurl during shows or modeling for photoshoots. (At her concerts she uses them to fly over the crowd as both a way to look for people and interact with her fans during her performance. She has the look of a small butterfly fox or however big she decides to let herself grow into for her show)

There are other head canons involving her Vox and Val but as for her default "General base for everyone" this is pretty much the premise-- with of course added plotting along the way.

[luciel-anciel]

Vows (Part 2) (InkyPages)

Part One:

TW: Toxic and Abusive Relationship, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Victim Shaming, Trauma, and Overall, Toxic Mindset

A/N: It's never too late to leave an abusive relationship. If you ever feel, that your relationship isn't working, or has signs of toxicity, Please leave immediately, and don't tolerate any abuse, from your partner.

Your mental health, is not worth risking.

It difficult to leave a relationship, but It's worth it. Your feelings is valid, and your trauma shouldn't be downplayed.

This applies, to both platonic and romantic too

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"You promised me..."

More ghastly apparitions, crept out from the corner, each one resembling like clawed hands. beckoning the man, to succumb to the dark voids, and come back to the dark furred demon.

"What about our vows?"

The other shadows, on the walls manifested itself into a play, engulfing the, now elongated hallway, with purple and inky hues with an old film color as the background. The, shadow play, looked exactly, like the ones that Macaque, would do everytime, the scholar had trouble falling asleep at night.

Who could have thought, the play, that put him fast asleep, could become the single reason why, he'd be haunted in his dreams, and stay awake during those cold nights?

The only light source, was a faint firefly like colour, a hazy one, assuming it emitted from the lantern, that was coming from the dining area but Tang refused to go back in.

It was a trick, a trick to pull him back in, thinking that a single light, would just desuade him, from his decision.

"Our promises?" Macaque's voice echoed, the shadows, manifested into silhouette, into bells—wedding bells, to be more premise, that made a sharp noise, ringing with every swing which made Tang's ears, churn and slowly walked away from the scene.

"Listen to me! I never said I'd leave you!" He gripped on his bag shoulder, to avoid loosing his possession, but more importantly, tried to avoid this emotional harassment. "But sometimes in life, People want alone time! I'm not cutting ties from you"

The hallway, only seemed to close in, the walls becoming more narrow,

trying to pull him into the dark void, with hand like apparition, appearing on the edge, tugging on his ankle to make him slip.

Trying, to pulling him into

the dark void.

To pull him back, to them.

"Lies! That's what they all said, That's what HE said"

As, the hallway seemed to close in even more, Tang was already sweating, since he isn't as energetic, as he used too, and made a rash decision to take a sharp turn

The shadows, on the walls, played a story, with two figures, dancing, resembling closely to an old century movie, with Macaque's humming as the only sound, paired with Tang huffing, from over exertion from all these running.

"You promised me....!"  His voice cracked, sounding, oh so—desperate.

The shadow figure, in the walls, breaking down and pulling away, from the other person.

"Under the moon light, practicing our wedding vows.."

The older male, had trouble trying to avoid the ghastly apparition, and shadows, that was overflowing the past comfort of his home.

There was no logical explanation, on why Macaque was acting like a straight up maniac and if this was a prank, It wasn't hilarious anymore.

"You said to me,that you'll never leave me, and we'd be together!"

Tang, began to have a headache from the constant replays of promises, of course, He'd kept all the promises, and never broke them.

"You promised..."

You promised..You promised..."

Once his trembling hand touched the cold door knob, The eruption of crying stopped which eases Tang's mind and giving him a sense of peace.

Yet, the voices still lingered at the back of his mind, speaking to him, whispering to him, trying to convince him to stay, with his 'lover' and reminded him that he started this.

He should, at least go through with it.

Tang shook his head no, his mouth wide opened and screamed "No!"

He yanked the door open, using all his energy to open, that only exit that wasn't covered, with Macaque's shadows.

"If you cannot, respect my decision then..t-then" He bit on his lip, clearly petrified by everything, but couldn't let his fear get the best of him.

He didn't want to leave Macaque, He wanted some personal space, but...he couldn't take this anymore.

"Than, This relationship is over!"

When he finished, screaming out, He felt a sense of relief, wash over him, like a burden from his shoulder was taken off, from him. He felt free....

But that feeling, only lasted for a short moment as, when the door finally budged open, There was absolutely nothing.

Only an inky substance.

Fast paced footsteps, came running down at his direction.

Tang, looked around, almost hurting his neck due to rush, the hair on his skin, stood up, when he felt Macaque's presence nearby and impulsively kneeled down, covering his ears from the constant taunt.

"I already lost so many people...hahaha..those who I care about so I can't bear to lose..h-ha...you too!"

The demon finally snapped, screaming out his words, their voice cracking and sounded less, and less coherent by the second.

Like, a broken music player, Those lovely tunes you use to listen everynight, had finally reached its limit, the circuits broken, and the only soothing noise, it could only create was static.

Those familiar rough hands we're gripping on the ivory-haired male's shoulder tightly, despite wearing his usual thick attire, He could still feel sharp nails digging through his skin, the dark furred hands, spun him around like battered and broken up ballerina.

But, Tang shut his eyes close, not even sneaking a single glance, as he refused to stare, at the, charcoal furred monkey, the only white streak, was slicked and covered, the memories of playing and intertwining the strand of long fur, against of his fingers pained him.

He used to enjoy getting held close, but now, He wanted nothing more from this man.

This wasn't his lover

This was a cold blooded monster.

"S-so I won't let you off that easy" Macaque cooed, their face covered with their own shadow like abilities, getting controlled by his own emotions and acted as if he lost his mind.

His lips, were already curled up into a love stricken smile, only the visible part of his body, as the shadows already engulfed him.

"Open, Your Eyes!" His hands gripped on Tang's face, trying to claw his eyes open and, but the scholar, was having none of that, and kept his eyes shut, no matter how many scratches his face was getting.

"M-Macaque—!" All Tang could do was scream at him to just stop while having to listen to his ex-partner's gibberish.

"You honestly think I'd just let you leave like that-?" Their voice cracked, finally snapping, their voice sounding so pitiful yet, so vengeful.

The scholar felt his body become heavy,

feeling his body succumbing to a never ending sleep, unsure when they'll be awaken. He, couldn't pry Macaque's but clenching his teeth, He bit on the anthropomorphic monkey's hand harshly.

Macaque, grunted from the sharp pain, as Tang, clenched his teeth harshly on, the demon's hand, an attempt, just to get him out of this mess.

"I refuse to lose you again,!" He hissed, holding his bitten hand impulsively, finally releasing the man from his grasp, stopping him from clawing out his eyes.

"Even if I have to fight off Buddha, themself!"

But by doing so, Macaque clawed something else instead.

Taking in a deep breath, Tang, leaned against the inky substance, letting the unknown liquid engulf, It was his only escape, Tang didn't know where he'd end up, but it was better than this run down house.

The, ivory haired male's glasses fell off, it was already on the floor, stepped and crushed on, It was given to him by a gift, but due to this circumstances, He couldn't retrieve it.

That was the least of his problem, touching his throat, and felt something lacking.

From some reason, the inky substance felt warm, it wasn't invading his nostrils nor any sense; It just felt warm.

The monk, wished he never acted oblivious or even in a state of denial with those signs, and left earlier.

°

°

°

°

As soon as the middle aged man left, The demon, slowly licked the bite mark left by his partner, His cold tongue tasting the blood, seeping out, from the teeth marks.

There, was no more glamour to hide away his scars, Macaque's other eye being crossed, His good eye becoming blurry, as black spots appeared in his eyesight  and he could hear buzzing everywhere, accompanied with a few unintelligible words.

It was the same noise and visual effect, he used on Tang to try, and convince him to stay, but , now his own abilties was out of control & using him.

Tang was no longer visible from his vision, that made Macque, swirl into a hysteria, close to a panic attack. The monkey, profusely shook his head from letting this single second of vulnerability to let the scholar escape.

Was too close to tear off his own ear, to no longer hear the lies that echoed, and fed on like his life depended on it.

There was something on his hand, a shiny round object, that was shaped like a marble, a pearl.

It was the thing that he clawed out from the monk.

Despite having no mouth, The pearl kept saying incoherent mumbling, similarly to what Macaque did.

The only cohesive words, the rounded object said, sounded soft yet had a creepy undertone, forever engraved in his mind for years to haunt him which would constantly remind him of his actions. Its voice, coming from Tang, but more distorted.

"Was it worth it?"

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Tang, tapped anxiously on the antique table, before getting startled by the door, being opened slowly.

"Ah, sorry but Pigsy Noodles—?" A voice, spoke out, It was none other than the Monkie King himself, clearly cringing and not used to saying the slogan, like his successor.

Tang, felt his stomach churn and twist, Sun Wukong, looked too similar like Macaque, that he was worried, if the dark furred monkey, ever manage to sneak in the Flower Fruit Mountain, and pretended to be him.

"Oh, Hey, Hey. It's fine, It's me" Wukong, winced at the bright light from the room.

Tang, still anxiously tapped on the wooden furniture, once more. Always sleeping with the lights on, and never going to dark rooms again, feeling like a child scared of the dark.

"It's alright, Master." Wukong, quick to notice their stress, quickly joked to lighten up the mood, calling Tang, the title of his old mentor from journey to the west.

" Brother Pigsy, made sure not to add any yam, nor anything purple!"

Wukong, once again tried to brighten the room, as if the room wasn't already bright, not from any ordinary lightbulbs, as electricity won't reach aside from a generator. The Sage, casted a warm fire fly like glow, and was done on purpose to prevent any shadows from leaking, even underneath the furniture, had  light for safety measures.

Even when it meant, Tang slept with the lights, but that wasn't much of a problem.

Tang, was scared of the dark; even his own shadow.

He, listened more and more to Wukong's useless promises, his rambling about being safe in his 'humble' mountain, and wouldn't have to deal with his ex partner anymore.

Tang, was fine here, yet it still felt  useless—so useless, like the promises he'd gave Macaque.

Similar promises, That Tang absentmindedly said in the heat of the moment during that one moonlight dance, which cost him his voice.

No longer, able to utter a single sound nor make any vows.

[childofaura]

Everyone’s making a post, so I will too (Love, Death & Robots S3)

I know everyone else will already be giving their opinions on Love Death and Robots Season 3, but I have to get my opinions out too, and pretend like people wanna know what I have to say on it lol.

I will say it was underwhelming, though, and the complaint I’ve seen of people saying the company went back on their word over having more 2D animation is completely valid. There should have been way more 2D animated episodes and I’m actually a little pissed they didn’t hire the studio who did Zima Blue and Ice.

Also the NFT bullshit at the end is bullshit. But we are here to talk about the animated shorts themselves, where the studios probably had no part in the NFT bullshit.

Under the cut so as not to spoil anything for those who haven’t watched it:

1. Three Robots: Exit Strategies

Sorry, I saw the political jokes and I just skipped over this one. Legit I don’t care what side it’s poking, I just don’t wanna deal with politics right now. Judge me how you will, I probably deserve it.

2. Bad Travelling

YESSSS, HERE WE GO. RIGHT BACK ON TRACK. The violence in this episode was BRUTAL. The opening was immediately attention catching and I was NOT expecting this monster was gonna be the overall antagonist, thought it would be somewhat of a “charting into monster territory” type of episode. Fascinating that the monster had a form of communication and the gross rotting of its “puppet” was great. Torrin himself was a fantastic character, it’s incredible how one wall-flower of a character at the beginning ends up being so clever, resourceful, and at the same time (somewhat) morally sound. I think it was the same studio that animated The Secret War, because despite the realistic CGI, the characters were all stylized the same way.

10/10 episode, probably the best one in my opinion.

3. The Very Pulse of the Machine

I’m kind of mixed on this one. I liked the acting and even though this episode ends up tripping balls, I can’t really say I’m satisfied with the ending. All that work and the main character ends up throwing herself into the planet’s burning liquid. The planet’s supposed to have a level of sentience but we really can’t say if the planet is good or not; it DID cause an explosion that killed one of the other ladies.

I did like the voice acting though, it was really convincing. I liked the animation style too. Just can’t get behind the story, nor the ending. 6/10.

4. Night of the Mini-Dead.

Honestly I’m not even gonna put this one on a rating scale, it was just a funny dumb little animation. I’ll admit I chuckled here and there. It was fun and it’s way better than half of the shitty animations we got from S1 and S2 like the Hitler shit and the yogurt.

5. Kill Team Kill.

The ONLY 2D animation we got. And it was fun! I liked the character designs, the premise was so goofy that I got a laugh out of it. Felt some of the references were too forced, like the honey badger meme and the Bane meme, but some of the jokes got pretty funny. Also like how the one soldier got attached to the drone. Animation was gorgeous and fluid, the character designs were good, and the ending made me laugh. 9/10

6. Swarm

Ok. Unpopular opinion. You are all probably going to hate me for this and that’s okay, but let it be known that this is just my opinion.

I hate Swarm for the same reasons I hated Beyond the Aquila Rift. And yeah, I hated Beyond the Aquila Rift.

I don’t like the animation, but I will note the positives about the animation: It’s flawless CGI, and it works perfectly for the space environments and the Swarm’s organisms. And it did work for the body horror at the end.

That being said, this story is literally a carbon copy of Aquila Rift’s basic plot points, right down to the forced sex scene. I’m not here to watch porn, I’m here to watch interesting stories; the porn serves no purpose to the plot. I respect people’s opinion on this and Aquila Rift, but I don’t know why people think those are the best ones... unless it’s BECAUSE of the sex. And the CGI has nothing notable or interesting going for it. 4/10. I’d rate it lower but that ending scene made it better. I know that this anthology is supposed to be NSFW but if we’re being honest, it’s more that it doesn’t really add to the story; you could cut out the sex scenes in both Aquila’s Rift and Swarm and the story-telling could still illustrate the relationship between the main characters and their love interests.

7. Mason’s Rats.

Me: *Hears the most Scottish accent I ever heard.*

Me: Is that Craig Ferguson?

Me after watching the credits: I KNEW IT!!

Anyways, this one was goofy. I can’t say it’s fun because I have such a soft spot for any type of rodent (mice, rats, hamsters, squirrels, etc etc etc) so even seeing all those rats being brutally murdered made me sad. And apparently it made the farmer sad too, lol. I like that they went with a Scottish farmer because it made the dialogue that much more entertaining. I like the happy ending too, glad it got resolved the way it did. Still sad all those rats died though ;A; But it gets about a 7 or 8 out of 10.

8. In Vaulted Halls Entombed

Pretty sure this was the same studio that animated Shape-Shifters.

And like Shape-Shifters, it made me sad over the deaths of characters I had maybe five minutes with. I love the dynamic between all of them, and the horror aspect of this episode was PERFECT. I was absolutely freaked out watching this because I had no idea where it was gonna go. I will say Cthulu being in there was... weird, I guess? I feel like after the terrifying piranha spider thingies, they should have gone with something different, but it wasn’t awful. Just a little bit of a weird direction choice. Also Jeff Schine was one of the characters (can’t remember which one) so that’s always nice. The ending was freaky as fuck but I think that was neat. 8/10.

9. Jibaro

... Holy shit, we really only got nine episodes for Season 3? That feels like bullshit.

Anyways. Jibaro. I’m very mixed on this one, and most of this evaluation is based strongly on opinion. It’s the same studio that did The Witness, so the balls-to-the-walls camerawork made sense. The audio can be really jarring as someone with sensory issues, but I’m not faulting the episode for that, because it’s supposed to push how the main character is deaf. So it’s clever. The camerawork makes it a bit hard to track everything, but it adds to the frenetic energy of everything going on.

I will say though that the problems with this short lie in the story itself. Our main guy is completely deaf, so he can resist the water-lady (I’m calling her that) screaming out for people to drown to her death. She does this on purpose to kill people, and the group at the beginning wasn’t even aware that she was there, nor were they trying to harm her; she just kills them. Homeboy is completely deaf and that’s his buff against this killer spirit. He manages to gain an advantage and takes her stuff. SOMEHOW there is river magic or whatever the fuck that gives him his hearing back, and now water-lady (who I assume the show was trying to make us feel bad for her because we see her grieving over the loss of her jewelry and gold scales) is able to kill him.

... Girl, what? You’re out here drowning people; you got your ass kicked fair and square and you probably deserved worse. Homeboy deserved his win, and he didn’t deserve to magically have his hearing restored. 7/10, I call bullshit.

[sunsents]

Empty - F.W (1/2)

Gah daym this was a JOURNEY to write. I swore to myself to never write angst because, well I suck at it. But here we are, I swear this has a good ending because my heart can't bear that. I could've written this much better, so I promise to bring my A GAME for chapter 2. Enjoy, also Lee in this is a hate crime. This is very story telling-esk so I hope it flows well.

I wouldn't have written this chapter without the help of my good friend @mochiixjimin she helped me edit and spice up this whole thing so thank you so much to her! She's an amazing writer, go check out her work and show her some big love right now or else!! her wattpad

Chapter 1 out of 2 (Backstory)

Summary —> Life has always been a cruel joke to you, yet you simply play along. Overshadowed by Eva Burke your whole life, watching from the sidelines while everyone flooded each other with love, it would always feel like a joke.

Pairing: fredweasley x fem!reader

Word count: 6.1k

Warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST (with a fluffy ending in the second part) / One mature scene (18+) and then it's angst again <3 / Some slander / Offensive language

Rating: 18+

DON’T REPOST MY WORK

You were a bright child.

Beaming bright enough to keep a tight lipped smile during flu-shots, and enough to put on a happy façade when your dad threw away the drawing you had done of your family dog, rather than hang it up on the fridge.

Children have foolish dreams, and that was yours. Your friends in preschool boasted about their pictures being hung like trophies on fridges, with decorative magnets and even bigger pink bow ties.

The fridge in the Y/L/N manor was empty. Always empty, just how Ms. Y/L/N liked it. Empty marble floors with empty rug designs, and empty rooms with even emptier people living in it. They were both empty people. Hollow and void of any emotion, at least towards you.

You were different though. You were filled to the brim with ambition and hope and so many positive emotions that your parents never seemed to reflect on you. You were like those Disney princesses. The princesses always had hope, and when you have hope good things happen.

Right?

Your dad never meant to give you false hope. He just wished you’d keep your mouth shut as he worked until late hours. Using big words and having big aspirations, you shouldn’t have.

Mr and Mrs Y/L/N weren't bad people per say, just busy. They didn't know how to raise a child, this was obvious, because the purpose of even having a child was to fix their marriage. But a temporary fix wouldn't do it, it never did. There was always that hole on the roof, leaking rain of despair into their falsely built home that no bucket big enough could hold back. Because it always found a way to overflow.

They didn't know how to show their love, so they did it with money, clothes, toys and crayons that you would later use to draw pictures of your family, only to have them end up in the dumpster once again.

They spoiled you rotten, bought you gifts you never even dreamed of asking. You just shut up and enjoyed it, what else could you do? Whine and demand attention? Risk losing their favor? There was no favor to lose.

You got yourself a fat A plus on your third grade math test. Star stickers on your chest, you entered through the glass double doors of your house with a crooked smile - two front teeth missing of course - making your joy all the more endearing. Your backpack strapped tightly over your narrow shoulders, hanging low with all the crammed books you pushed before leaving school because you were just so excited to show your parents.

You received a big sloppy kiss from your Nanny, who practically was like a second mom to you, and dashed right into your fathers office to show him your new accomplishment.

"Good job, I'm proud of you."

You froze. You found a way to actually get their attention. The attention you so craved, the recognition you would die for. This was revolutionary. Basically a new era for you.

Nanny made you a star shaped cake that night, and sat with you while gently stroking your hair and listening to you blabber about how easy the math questions were. It felt warm, motherly love. Even if it was false, it would never compare to the love of your own mother, a love you would never get.

You spent all your night studying, your eyes burning under the harsh light of your lamp in the early mornings and your pencil, ebbing away over sheets and sheets of blank paper. Writing away your little hands off until they ached, just to snatch another A and get a good job.

This was good, it worked out very well. You became that student who looked forward to class, just to get a good grade and have the validation of your parents. The sight of your father’s lips quirk up even in the slightest, and how your mother’s eyes shone briefly in appreciation of your hard work, even if it was for a quick second, it was worth it.

Until the new neighbors moved in.

Mr. Burke was a round, cheerful man with an even rounder belly, and a big fat pipe that always hung on his lips. Mrs Burke looked and acted like those fairy godmothers you adored. You couldn’t believe such people existed. Mr Y/L/N invited them over for dinner, for courtesy. He was not happy about said courtesy.

He ended up liking the couple, they had a little daughter called Eva, who was small and adorable with round red cheeks and big doe eyes. Not only Mr and Mrs Burke, but the Y/L/N’s adored Eva as well. She was happy, always smiling, and her teeth weren't nearly as crooked as yours, not to mention she had pretty long hair like a princess.

You liked her a lot, took her to pick flowers, showed her the drawings you had prepared for the empty fridge; in case Mr Y/L/N ever had a change of heart and hung them up, you had been trying for three years and weren't giving up any sooner.

Eva was nice, kind enough to share her M&M's and very used to compliments unlike you. She seemed to get a lot from her parents and yours. The adults were so kind to her, always smothering her with love and kisses. You were happy for Eva, happy that Eva somehow managed to gain the favor of your parents before you did.

Little girls tended to be jealous, you weren’t. You were just glad to have a friend so cool, she didn't blush and stutter under praise and apparently her drawings were pretty enough to go on a fridge.

It was a Thursday afternoon when your mom smiled at you for the first time since your last exam grade. "Look, Eva drew us a picture, isn't it pretty?"

The crayola stash under your bed was no longer needed, they appeared clumsily dumped in the neighborhood trash the next day, most of them stomped under the pressure of your little sneakers. And the bundle of drawings you hid under your pillow, wishing on fairy godmother that one day they would be hung up too, were ripped; clearly a struggle given. You had paper cuts on your hands, and your Nanny thankfully applied ointment before Ms and Mr Y/L/N noticed, or rather, stopped to care.

Though you knew that even if you paraded herself with bloody fingers dripping to your elbows, they wouldn't care.

Nanny did, she was there. There when you were haunted with nightmares when the moon was particularly dark, cooing at you and letting you sleep next to her in that small bed of hers. There when you tripped and fell, small scratch resulting in a screaming tantrum. She was gentle, sweet, paid well.

You decided to go and pick flowers with Eva, and make a pretty flower crown for yourself, months after your drawing incident. Of course, you didn't have such silly dreams anymore. You didn’t wish to have your pictures hung, to have your mother wear the flower crowns you made and frankly you didn’t care for the sight of the sparkle in your parents eyes. Nanny’s was enough.

Eva agreed, dressed in a pink tutu Mrs Y/L/N gifted. You didn't comment, though deep down you gazed at the skirt in sparkling envy. Your mother never bothered to get you such pretty things. The two of you gathered saturated petals and nice ribbons while giggling amongst yourselves. Until, you accidentally caused Eva’s flowers to levitate.

Eva ran home, crying and calling you a witch. Mr and Mrs Y/L/N’s dirty looks made her feel shameful, and even dirtier when a letter addressed to her was dropped by a pretty owl you insisted on petting. It was from a school called Hogwarts, in the faraway land of London, and it seemed, not only you but Eva got the same letter the next day.

Though the Y/L/N’s and Burke’s were proud of Eva’s letter. They weren’t with yours.

— — — —

The ride to Hogwarts was interesting to say the least. You had so many questions unanswered, were you a fairy godmother too? Was that your destiny? Was that the reason you never got any attention, because you were destined to give instead of receive?

Eva was cheerful as always, making fast friends in newly bought uniforms and holding a pretty, long and thin wand, with designs flowing across the premise. Your wand was...functional. You were sad you couldn't choose, and that the wand chose the owner. It didn't make sense, what if you didn't want this wand? What if you wanted something charming like Eva’s? It should have been mutual.

It was while trying to find your way to the bathroom that you met the Weasley twins. Quite handsome, a year older and absolute fucktards. A word you learned from the two. Though you always found yourself laughing more at Fred’s jokes, you liked them both equally.

“Hey George! Look.” Fred had exclaimed, clinging onto his brothers shoulder and dragging him across. “Who's that girl?”

You introduced yourself, happy façade on, gentle words slipping out of your mouth like nectar. They had to like you, you told yourself. Just this once, more than Eva.

When sorted into Gryffindor, Eva, you and the twins became inseparable. Your group grew in second year, when Katie, Lee and Alicia Spinnet joined the bunch. You would make fun of the ghastly Potions Professor Snape, and imitate Dumbledore in the hallways to mess with the older students.

You loved your time at Hogwarts, and the adventures that came every year. Especially when Harry Potter joined.

“Hey Fred.”

Fred, who was fiddling with his bracelet you had bought him hummed in response, not bothering to look up.

You sighed, “Do you think the flowers can feel it when we pluck them?”

Fred turned at that, his bracelet was now tightly secure after his struggles. “I hope not.” he smiled, a faraway look on his face whenever he gazed at you. “You know, some people like pain.” he winked.

You merely looked at him confused, clearly way too young for...whatever that is.

He started laughing loudly, slapping his knee and causing you to scoff and slap him on the shoulder.

Third year was when it bloomed. The slight girly attention you gave Fred grew. Fred was...Fred. A handsome ginger, beater for their house's Quidditch team, always charming and charismatic that somehow oozed out of him whenever he did anything really. It was not unusual, every girl in school had a crush on him. That wasn't the case, Fred was one of your best friends, and you refused to entertain the idea of a possible...relationship.

Yet sometimes, you'd find yourself thinking about hugging and kissing Fred like you’d seen couples in your favorite movies did and you’d fall asleep with reddened cheeks and a boy with even redder hair in your mind.

But feelings couldn’t be controlled, nor easily hidden. Eva found out in your fourth year after hearing you mumble his name in your dreams. Fred Weasley was getting more handsome as years passed, and you found it hard to contain your feelings. You were crushing, hard.

Eva was...Eva about it. Happy, but nothing changed. She didn't tease like George did when he found out, nor did she act any differently towards Fred.

“Hey ____!” Fred had sat next to you, shaking the entire couch because he grew that tall during summer. “Got a new girl after me.” he looked at you, almost expectantly, as if you wouldn’t react the way you always reacted.

“That’s great Fred.” you smiled, gulping whatever lump that was forming in your throat and struggling to come out as vulgar words you wished to yell.

“Yeah,” Fred sighed, “It’s...great.”

Fred Weasley was a ladies man, and he wasn't afraid to show it. It was okay, because you were happy enough to be one of his closest, and that was enough. He often boasted about getting girls, and how successful his jokes were, and you always loved snapping back to him cockily, even more cockily than him. Playful banter was easy, comforting between them and when he turned away you would love to shyly entertain the idea of being one of those girl’s Fred talked about.

Fifth year, you had a sudden growth spurt. That was also the year where you discovered Cosmopolitan, Vogue and of course Witch Weekly. Hair no longer in a ponytail, legs shaved and smooth, short skirts with no nylons, you were a new person. After getting your period in third year, your spurt came late, but sudden. Way too sudden in the time of three months. It was hard to handle the changes occurring to your body. It was all too much that you had to become a lady and the fact that you didn’t have your mother to help was a pain you hid deep within.

It was as if whichever god above decided to squeeze your entire life into a summer and call it a day, because it was simply too busy. How ironic. No one saw your growth except old Nanny Gladys. Not Eva, nor her parents considering they went on a getaway and the Burke's, who had gone to Brazil.

But you were over that, you discovered the great telephone, and the great Hermione Granger, package deal with Ginny Weasley. You guys would talk on the phone for hours upon hours, Ginny obscuring your personality and Hermione altering your view on your parents. And Hermione was right, they were assholes. You didn't give a flying fuck about empty praises anymore.

You had become almost too tall for your older clothes, and your breasts were way too big to fit in the training bra you bought not even a month ago. Your hips, now wide and swaying as you walk became graceful, were decorated with long gem bracelets.

You cursed like a sailor that summer, ran around fields with family - your family being your dog, Jambo - bare feet. You stomped on flowers you used to pick as a little girl, stomping on those silly fairytale dreams you used to nurse, and never felt freer. For the first time ever you felt that maybe being empty could be more freeing than having false hope weighing you down.

Returning to Hogwarts was a big deal to students. Who changed, who glowed up after what happened last year - nothing, it was all childish drama.

Before your parents could even see your new self, your escapade to the Granger household was successful. The Y/L/N's didn't care, nor did they write. You knew it should’ve hurt, but frankly, you didn’t think having the pain in your chest was worth it. Hermione was awestruck, of course, after laying her sights on you for the first time since May and insisted on walking into the Entrance Hall, arm in arm with her and Ginny to show you off like some sort of revelation.

It was a revelation all right, at least to the boys, and some girls. It seemed no one saw you as a girl before. George oogled, and Lee was so shocked to find out that you were actually a girl with a pretty figure and an even prettier smile that he stopped clapping you on the back like he always did. Not a girl, you have become a woman. It was far too sudden, new uniforms and a whole new wardrobe had to be bought.

"____? You were a girl?" Fred joked, ruffling your hair like nothing changed between you. And that's when you realized, no slutty skirt, how much pushup your bra, or no matter how pretty your hair looked, Fred would always see you as ____, the girl with crooked front teeth and who once ate a worm in second year. Your teeth weren't crooked at all anymore - thanks to a few years of braces - and finally clear of uncomfortable metals but you felt as if Fred would always see the ghost of them on your pearly whites when you smiled.

He had this view of you that blinded him, caused him to treat you as he treated Ginny while he flirted and played footsie with other girls, including Eva.

That did not stop Eva from giving you false hope, and you took the bait, naive like always. Hope, that's what ruined it all. "You're beautiful now, of course you have a chance!" she said, rubbing your shoulder reassuringly, as if she had warmth to begin with.

It was all false, yet you still believed. You always had. Like a fool.

Ginny didn't like Eva, and maybe that's why you gravitated towards her. She was the first person who had ever met Eva that wasn't charmed by her kind smile and attractive words. Eva was...displeased. She grew up having the attention of everyone around, so when Ginny Weasley told her straight to her face that she wasn't shit, Eva seethed. The attention of Ginny changed nothing though, because Eva was the main character. Everyone - except Ginny, and secretly Hermione (though she would never say it) - loved her, they followed her around like puppies and praised her on her wonky wand work.

The upcoming Yule Ball brought great upswing to Hogwarts.

You were far too busy with her classes to take interest in the tournament - even though the dragon race was the gnarliest sight you had ever seen. Your goal was set, become a badass Auror and move out as soon as possible, so you didn't have to face your parents (except Holidays, yuck.)

But the Yule Ball was your chance. A chance with Fred Weasley.

You could ask to go as friends and maybe, just maybe a little hope and the night would end much more romantic than you had anticipated.

Plucking up courage was the hardest part, you practiced with your bathroom mirror so long that Ginny had to blast through the door and drag you out of her dormitory.

Fred Weasley agreed, why wouldn't he? You, his closest friend, asking to go as a group and drink all night while gossiping? It was a win win. At least that's what you told herself.

That was a lie, it wasn't a win win.

You gave it your all getting ready, dress silk, makeup and expensive shoes. You took a long shower, scrubbing and shaving yourself to a smooth gliding porcelain, only for it all to be washed down with reddened eyes and a boy with even redder hair.

Fred greeted you the same, danced the same, and you chatted the same; you were reminded again, for the second time, that you stood no chance.

Fred told you that he was going to get drinks, a quick trip to the booth and mumbled I'll be back in a second. He was not back in a second. Several minutes passed, and your worries caused your feet to follow after Fred's footsteps.

You ran, trying to find him in the empty corridors of Hogwarts, tears welling in your eyes because he wouldn't. He wasn't that cruel, life wasn't that cruel.

But it was, and in a distant empty classroom you saw Fred Weasley, on his knees and between Eva's legs, groaning and praising her like a starved man. Worshipping her like everyone else had, burying himself in her and completely forgetting the drink he’d bring back in just a second. He’d left you thirsty and alone in the Great Hall and left you to drink from a cup he hadn’t known to be forbidden. Yet Eva did.

Eva's perfect dainty hands tangled in his ginger hair, thighs clamping shut while her high pitched moans flooded your mind and echoed around your head. They were so loud that she couldn’t even hear the loud echoes of your footsteps and the woeful cries that left your lips as you ran. It wouldn’t be the first time she had ignored your pain for her own selfish reasons.

Your heart shattered, and suddenly you were six again, watching your parents praise Eva, hang her drawing on the fridge. A soft breeze tickling your bare toes, dangling from the small cushioned seat you sat on while you watched Eva braid Mrs Y/L/N’s hair. Emotionless, silent, not asking for anything, knowing that you won't receive in return. Eva's small hands carefully placed the flower crown on Mrs Y/L/N’s pool of hair, and she smiled, heart warming and hopeful. Suddenly you remembered the feel of your own hands tangling in between your locks as you stood on your tiptoes, trying to imitate your mothers braid on yourself in the mirror you couldn't reach. You pretended, only for a moment before it twisted into knots.

What a cruel joke, you thought as you watched Eva receive the world from Fred, from your parents, from your friends and from every damn person you had met.

You cried on a big set of stairs that night, your wails echoing as you asked whoever, whatever what you had done. What you had done to deserve such treatment from the people around you. It was rather cliche - and maybe a bit too dramatic. It was an uncomfortable seat of course, and your body, as well as your heart, ached. Pain, misery, false hope and enough hair spray to melt the ozone.

The princesses always cried on big sets of stairs, uncomfortable stone floors causing them to shiver while they hid away their beautifully animated faces in their perfect hands. This was different, there was no fairy godmother to fix your makeup and clone a gentlemanly Fred Weasley, a perfect prince. You knew, because you cried, and prayed and cried and prayed until your throat was sore. There was no fairy godmother, it was all a lie. There was no happy ending. There would be none.

No one came to find you that night either, and you had to drag yourself back to the Gryffindor common room, feet bare, mascara, blush - anything else you put on in hopes of being able to become like Eva even only for one night - practically nonexistent from the way your tears washed them away.

You didn't sleep that night, and your head was unusually clear, pounding, but clear. You laid awake, eyes blood-shot and stinging while your dress shuffled uncomfortably between your sheets. You were too tired to change, and your dress was far too pretty to be worn so short.

Ginny's words replayed over and over again. "They're not worth it." her voice was so clear, and true. Mr and Mrs Burke weren't worth it. Your parents weren't worth it. Fred Weasley wasn't worth it. Eva wasn't worth it. The midnight chirping of bugs invited themselves in from your open window, and blue moonlight streaks beaming down in lines from the tulle curtain flowed with breeze, it was calming.

You felt calm, for the first time in sixteen years. You felt calm.

Fred and Eva started dating that week. Everyone acted like they expected it, and you realized just how blind you had been. Eva Burke and Fred Weasley, golden couple of Hogwarts.

You watched them, emotionless, as they embraced with love and so much passion that you felt embarrassed. Embarrassed at how you’d blushed and squeal over Fred in front of Eva and George and anyone who had found out because now you knew. Now you knew that their amused smiles were probably pitying grimaces because they knew that you two were never meant to be. It was always Fred and Eva.

Fred was an amazing boyfriend, making sure Eva was taken care of, lovingly staring at her whenever and wherever, arm looped around her waist at all times; you realized they were truly not worth it.

"You disgust me."

You didn't mean the words to escape so carelessly, but when you said them, you realized you didn't want to take them back. The growing pit in your stomach felt weightless. "Excuse me?" said Fred, stopping his nibbling on Eva's neck, who was just as shocked. You scoffed, Eva already had enough purple bruises to parade around so why did Fred have the need to add more?

"You heard me right," George, Lee, Ron, Harry, Katie and whoever sitting in their circle stared at you, wide-eyed, Ginny and Hermione, however, were grinning devilishly. Kind ____, wouldn't hurt a fly, quiet at times and didn't know how to stand up for herself. It was shocking, but you were done pretending. You didn't want to be like that anymore, you wanted to say whatever came to mind and not worry about the consequences. "You guys disgust me, I know I should be supportive but you don't match, at all."

You turned to George. "And you, no you can't talk about Katie like that." George went pink. "You're disgusting for sleeping around carelessly and telling girls you'd write, stop giving people false hope. Grow up. You’re nearly an adult and you can’t even treat a girl right."

"And you Lee," Lee went quiet. "What gives you the right to make fun of me like that. I'll wear whatever the fuck I want, just because you don't have the courage to wear a headband. If you can talk about my breasts, I'll talk about your shrimp."

"Ron, you take advantage of Hermione then lead her on. Open your eyes, asshole."

"Harry, you're not the main character. You're not always going to be the center of attention, nor do you have the right to yell at your friends."

"Alicia, god you're so stupid. I'm sorry, you're great but such an airhead. No, you can't ride a Thestral if you can't see them, and stop eating quill ink they're bad for you."

You stood up, grinning proudly, heart loud in your chest you feared someone might hear. "Frankly, I don't wanna be friends anymore. I'm done with this façade, except you two, 'Gin, Hermione. The rest of you are just so fake." she gestured to them. "Boys," she nodded again. "Don't talk to me anymore, and Lee, give me back the money, think it's about time don't you think? I've been paying for you since third year."

And with that, you left. You left Three Broomsticks, grin wide and chest heaving. Hermione and Ginny ran behind, whooping and cheering you on as they laughed.

The news of your outburst spread fast like wildfire caught in wind. That week was bliss, you no longer had to watch Fred and Eva, nor did you have to act sweet to anyone. You didn't have to laugh along Lee's sexist jokes and look away to wince, it was pure bliss. You realized that the feeling of being free didn’t have to be momentary.

Pansy Parkinson was surprisingly a good friend, she didn't have the same fakeness to her, the one Eva had where her smile was too kind. She spoke her mind, though every Slytherin did, and you liked that. Ginny wasn't happy with your new found friends, but she couldn't separate you. You made your own decisions from now on. It was refreshing.

You told your new friends everything, eager to get it off your chest and breathe, and they listened. For the first time, someone listened. You didn't have to get good grades, nor did you have to act like a sweet angel.

You teared up the first time Pansy said; "It's not your fault,". You knew it wasn't your fault, but hearing someone else say it with such genuine eyes made you believe. Actually believe.

It started off with you watching from the sidelines as Draco and Blaise pranked, insulted and shamed whatever your old friend group did. It wasn't unusual for Draco to act this way, but he got especially irritated after hearing what you told them. Blaise, someone usually quiet, had stepped up and decided to somehow release the pent up anger he had for the Gryffindor students.

The year ended, and you had started to sneak in an insult or two towards Fred and Eva. It felt nice, like finally, step by step you were clearing your years of hidden jealousy. But, there was no one to tell you that this simply wasn't the right way.

That summer, you stayed at the Burrow. Ginny had invited you and you were quick to say yes; obviously a fact forgotten. Fred, George and whoever you had insulted last year stayed in the same house. You simply didn't want to go home, and if this meant seeing Fred Weasley then you had to endure it.

Molly Weasley was the sweetest person you could ever meet, and it was genuine. It felt genuine, you feared your teeth might rot if the woman got another word in. Molly greeted you as if you were her own daughter she hadn't seen in years. You felt valued, seen.

Until Eva was there, Fred invited her. You had to watch the only person you were able to love, introduce the only person he was able to love to his mother. It wasn't you. It would never be you.

And you realized, even after everything, Eva had once again found a way to be more loved than you.

The grin Molly broke out was nothing short of beautiful, and you couldn't help but smile as well. The smile wasn't directed towards you of course, and you sat on that small kitchen chair, celebrating a relationship that caused your ruin.

Eva didn't care that your friendship was over, nothing budged in her life. She still got the same attention, still received the same love from Fred. The same affection, the same attention and the same everything. Or so it seemed.

Though unlike Eva, Fred merely watched you with sad eyes.

You stayed clear of the couple and the rest. You hung out with Ginny and Hermione only, ignoring the dirty looks Ron and Harry gave you. The secret, whispered insults Eva threw your way. George didn't say anything, but he didn't object either. This was enough to show how he felt. At this point you really didn't care. Why would you, when they didn’t either?

You held your head high just like Ginny and Hermione told you to, and you spoke in a loud and clear tone whenever asked something. Eva didn't, she stuttered when you spoke to her directly. Her words scrambled against each other when she tried to voice her insults in louder statements than a whisper. For the first time, you felt relief. You felt intimidating, protected by the barriers you had built around yourself.

Longest day of summer hit, and it boiled. Tanning became a distant dream, you would bake in this weather, and you were thankful to the big AC box you had brought from home. You couldn't sleep that night, sweat beads falling down your forehead that was already covered in a thin sheen. You had decided to get a cold glass of water, not sure how you ended up face to face with Fred Weasley. His wand tip shone with blue light, and his freckles were much darker because of the sun. It seemed the sun decided to be cruel to Fred Weasley back and wash Fred over with it's deathly heat. He was sunburnt, this was an understatement. He was burnt.

You couldn't help but start laughing when you met, ignoring the proximity, ignoring the sleeping house, dead silent and a big leap from the lively Burrow, ignoring Fred's soft breaths he let out every other second. You couldn't live off on false hope anymore.

Suddenly it wasn't so funny anymore, and your face quickly fell. You took a big step back and inhaled, ready to ignore him like you had been doing for the past year. But Fred Weasley was a persistent man, and he gripped your arm and looked at you with determined, doe-like eyes. "Tell me what I did wrong." he said, adamant on fixing this, whatever this was. You both didn't know.

You stood silent.

"Please flower,"

"Don't call me that." you said, stern and gaze sharp. Fred didn't react, he kept on insisting.

"Please, tell me how to fix this. I can fix it," he pleaded, a plethora of empty promises fell out of his lips like nothing. He lied like it was nothing, he was oblivious to everything he and everyone around them had put you through. It was infuriating.

You didn't say anything. You knew he would not fix anything but maybe staying silent would give him the false hope that spinned mockingly in your head for the past eighteen years.

"I'm sorry, just please. I can fix this, I promise, don't be like that." empty tears fell down from his eyes. He looked empty, tired. They lacked the charm they usually shined with and you wondered if it was only you that caused such dullness. Eye bags prominent that you never noticed before. It all felt like a lie, a cruel joke.

Fred Weasley was simply a cruel joke. His presence could only be compared to a shot of whiskey, especially when you down it like how Hagrid nurses a Firewhiskey filled pint glass. You never know how it will hit you. But in the end, you'd always find yourself curled next to the toilet, crying your eyes out because your headache was simply too much.

He was sobbing now, hanging onto your waist like you would simply vanish and you let him. The grip he had on was like steel vice - almost concerning - but you didn't touch him, didn't say anything. You just let him be, like he did to you. Allowed him to hopelessly hang off you before you would eventually leave him alone, like he did to you. "Where did I go wrong? How could we end up like this? What went wrong?"

‘You’, but your voice couldn’t be found.

Questions were useless when the answer was already right in front of his eyes. You didn’t let a single tear fall, you wouldn't forgive yourself if you cried in front of him.

You blinked, and that night was over. Summer continued on like nothing happened, like it didn't leave you heart broken and in such shame yet again. You continued on ignoring Fred as he looked at you with sorrowful eyes. Looked at you more, with more than he did his own girlfriend.

You blinked and the school year started again with another terror looming around the corner. There was simply no need to keep up anymore, because school was easy. You attended classes, got good grades, a few scar here and there from Umbridge's torture chamber, a woman who stood at a whopping five foot three yet still teriffied an entire school.

You blinked and you had already become a proud member of Draco's insult the Gryffindor's club. You didn't even feel bad, being horrible to the people you hated for years felt like a breath of fresh air. You didn't go as far as physically hurting any of your old friends, but coming up with damaging insults was such fun. A lot more fun than sitting around with a fake smile.

You blinked, and you were already moving out from your childhood house. Mr and Mrs Y/L/N were unusually happy, this was a given. They would have a new empty room and make another office, like they didn't have enough already. You feared they would start getting rid of bathrooms once too into their work, and they would have to do their business in bushes or buckets. Scratch that, you didn't fear that, it would be fucking hilarious.

You blinked, and when had time passed too quickly? Where did all those empty childhood years had gone? You were already graduating, on your way to become an Auror. You had lost contact with all your old friends now, regretfully Ginny and Hermione too.

The war had hit too quickly, luckily you survived, so did your friends. Unluckily, it left you with a nasty scar right across your left brow. It looked sick, but the hit wasn't worth it. It hurt like a bitch. You could see, it was a close call but vision wasn't an issue. The trauma though, god did Bellatrix's breath smell bad.

When it was all over, you had seen Fred hugging his family tightly. It seemed the Weasley's all survived, and you gave them each tight lipped smiles while holding a bunched up rag to your head to stop the blood gushing out. This wasn't the reunion you wanted to have with Ginny, but hey, you take what you can get after a revolutionary Wizarding war you barely made out alive.

Before a franticly running Fred could reach you though, you apparated to your flat in Diagon Alley, ignoring the thrumming of your heart, and how you practiced in front of a mirror to congratulate their successful joke shop that morning.

[aquafaith]

My lengthy, angry ACOSF rant review.

Spoilers, TW for mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.

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I loved ACOTAR. I still love ACOTAR. I always will love ACOTAR. But every book afterwards made me give up more and more. ACOMAF romanticized an abusive relationship and assassinated characters for the author's convenience. ACOWAR was a bunch of boring and inconsequential death scares. ACOFAS was all-round dreadful. And each book kept shitting on and pushing away Lucien for no reason.

I'd like to preface this by saying I hated Nesta too. I hated the way she treated Feyre in ACOTAR especially, and I wasn't even too excited for this book because I wasn't that keen on Nesta as a character.

Nesta's POV and her backstory changed my perspective. It does not excuse her actions. All Nesta stans can hold these characters accountable for what they do - trauma is a reason, not an excuse. I, and many others, sided with Nesta because of the way she's treated by everyone else in this book. Also, if you're going to hate Nesta for not teaching Feyre how to read and letting her hunt at fourteen, (which I did, and are very valid things to hate), AT LEAST hold Elain accountable too.

This book. This fucking book.

Shall we start with the intervention? Feyre on her little power trip thinks that her boyfriend that hates Nesta and Nesta hates back, Nesta's ex-best friend, and her possible mate who she never talks to should be at this stupid fucking intervention??? Excuse me???

Remember in ACOMAF when Feyre wouldn't shut up about how rich Rhysand is? Feyre literally has four or five houses and is always talking about how much jewelry and lingerie she can afford because Rhysand is so rich??? Well, Nesta has a few shots. So you know what Feyre does? Humiliates Nesta at this "intervention", TEARS DOWN HER HOME, and forces her to go to the Illyrian training camp.

That was the god awful premise for this book.

Did you think Elain wasn't there because she was against the "intervention"? Nope! She was packing Nesta's belongings without permission.

Remember in ACOMAF when it's made a big fucking deal that locking up a traumatised woman is extremely damaging? Well, when Nesta decides she doesn't want to be in Illyria, Feyre locks her in the House of Wind. Nesta can't fly, so her only way of leaving is down the TEN THOUSAND STEPS, that Feyre KNOWS Nesta isn't capable of climbing.

Feyre's pregnant. In ACOFAS she randomly decided that she wanted a baby to remember Rhysand by if he dies. Which doesn't make any sense because they made that stupid fucking death pact in ACOWAR. It's just SJM superimposing her pregnancy onto her early 20's protagonist. Ignoring the fact that Feyre isn't ready for a baby and Rhysand CERTAINLY isn't, and with a war just ended and another looming and so much trauma and a DEATH PACT are all such horrible circumstances to bring a child into, Feyre is already pregnant. Remember when SJM made a big deal about Fae babies being so hard to conceive, and Feyre said in ACOFAS they wouldn't have to worry for a long time because it can take years to conceive your first Fae child? Well it's been no more than 3 or 4 months and Feyre's already pregnant. Yep.

Also the birth will kill her. Because of course it will. Rhysand KNEW this, and still agreed to try for a baby.

There's no solution. Abortions don't exist for some stupid reason, and a C section would apparently kill Feyre?

(Wasn't this book supposed to be about Nessian?)

In ACOWAR, Cassian was on the battlefield with his entrails around his knees. Someone had to literally hold his guts in for him, and he's fine, but you're telling me a C section would kill Feyre?

Don't worry, this is just setting up the AWFUL ending to this book.

ACOSF amounts to Nesta being gaslit into believing her abusers are right. Her friends and family slut shame her and shame her for her lifestyle constantly. Cassian says it took him decades to work through some of his trauma, and he tried to drink and fuck it away too, but suddenly when Nesta does so it's heinous? Nesta's barely twenty five and she's expected to cope better than these ancient immortals.

Hell, didn't SJM write ACOMAF? Nobody expected Feyre to pick herself up so quickly. The IC (excluding Rhysand) respected her boundaries for the most part and understood when it was grief, trauma, and turmoil that made her angry, sad, want to be left alone, etc. But that's all forgotten here.

Amren also compares Nesta to the people in, and says she belongs in, The Court of Nightmares. You know, the murderers, abusers and rapists? This innocent woman who had a few shots and a bit of sex is on par with them, apparently!

The sex scenes.

SJM is scared to say vagina so she says sex.

She says seed to mean semen.

Apparently the word cunt turns SJM on. I just found Cassian saying that kinda cringe because I'm Bri'ish so the word cunt really isn't a big deal.

Back to the baby killing Feyre, because this is definitely what we all wanted from this book as indicated by the change in covers and format and title... Rhysand decides not to tell Feyre. He tells her friends and family, and tells them not to tell her.

SJM loves sweeping Rhysand's abuse from the first book under the rug and claiming it's always about Feyre's choice... where is that here, MAAS? WHERE IS IT?

Anyway, when Nesta rightfully decides to tell Feyre (although it is kind of out of spite), Rhysand threatens to kill Nesta.

And I believed him. With the way he treats his """mAtE tHaT hE lOvEs sO mUcH""" and all the people he's mindlessly killed before, do you really think he wouldn't kill the person who gave Feyre an inch of autonomy?

So what does Cassian do? His lover who he cares deeply about and suspects is his mate has received a death threat from tHe mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lORd iN hIsToRy.

Cassian simply gets Nesta out of the court.

EXCUSE ME?

He doesn't breathe ONE word to Rhysand about this. This Illyrian WARRIOR who fought with his GUTS HANGING OUT didn't dare step up to the hIGh lOrD who he considers his brother and sparrs and fights with all the time?

Cassian literally does nothing.

Was it not Rhysand himself who said Mated males are dangerous? Can kill anyone who looks at their mate? Can be dangerous simply leaving the house? Rhys and Feyre both pull the Mate card to justify their bad actions on the other's behalf... and Cassian just tried to get Nesta out of the court?

Also, this High King bullshit.

I swear to fucking god, if SJM DARES to make this abusive, power-tripping, mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lOrD eVEr, husband-insert of hers hIgH kInG, I will fight her in the street.

My beloved Lucien is in this book. Only for him to be used and shat on.

I really liked it when he calmed Cassian down with just a look though. Yes please fox man.

Helion is also in this book. Nothing to do with Lucien.

Eris is also in this book. ERIS. Lucien's eldest brother. The same one who abused him for years, but according to SJM he's slightly better, because at least he didn't agree to kill Lucien's lover. He betrayed his daddy that one time, therefore Eris is good. Y'know, the same Eris who abused Mor? Left her laying on the Autumn Court border with a nail in her womb? Well SJM is going back on her own canon to redeem yet ANOTHER abusive male, while continuing to demonize Tamlin for things he only happened to do when SJM decided the villain from the first book was sexy.

Nesta and Cassian are Mates.

Remember when Mates were supposed to be a rare and sacred thing? Now SJM dishes them out like Oprah.

I don't want these characters to be mates. I want to see them slowly fall in love. But SJM is incapable of writing that so she forces them together with the mAtInG bOnD. That's literally the only basis for most of these relationships, Feysand especially.

The only relationship where the bond would make sense is between Helion and The Lady of Autumn. Who still isn't named. But I will die on the hill that they're mates, I can feel it between them.

I wanted someone to die in this book. I predicted that it would either be Helion or Tarquin, but Tarquin isn't even in this one.

And the ending.

SJM can't write a decent climax, so she kills both Feyre and Rhysand for the second time. Yep.

The baby is being born which stupidly kills Feyre, and thankfully takes Rhysand with them.

Nesta decides to save them. Bad choice. But she decides to save them! Because she's so powerful and she ATE THE CONTENTS OF THE CAULDRON and she's CONNECTED TO THE MOTHER.

Do you know what happens.

Nesta loses her powers.

NESTA.

LOSES.

HER.

POWERS.

The powers we've hardly seen, the powers that were briefly mentioned and used ONCE in ACOWAR, then we saw like two flashes of in this book? They're GONE now. GONE SO NESTA CAN SAVE HER ABUSIVE SISTER AND ABUSIVE HUSBAND WHO ABUSES THEM BOTH.

Nesta is just an Amren now. They both fought for their powers, and had to give them up to save people who didn't deserve it. Now they're anticlimactically trapped in powerless bodies.

Also, and I can't BELIEVE I didn't originally include this - do you know what else Nesta TRADED HER POWERS FOR?

Illyrian anatomy so she can carry Cassian's baby one day.

EXCUSE ME?

I am so fucking SICK TO DEATH of the narrative that every woman needs a man and children to be happy. SJM clearly loves this because she's literally only keeping Amren and Nesta alive now to be sex objects to their partners and nothing else seeing as their POWERS WERE RIPPED AWAY FROM THEM, and now NESTA TRADED THOSE POWERS TO HAVE A BABY SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WANTS? Nesta does NOT strike me as a motherly type. She's the wine aunt, she and Cassian are the couple that go on holiday a lot and and babysit their nieces and nephews, but nope. Nesta HAS to have children.

The Feysand baby is called Nyx. That's just so underwhelming, you go from these huge, multiple syllable names like Amarantha and Morrigan and Lucien to Nyx? I get it's supposed to be unique but it's not even meaningful. It's just more shit-flavoured icing on the hAHa nIgHt uWu cake. I prefer Renesmée.

Nesta is wrong somehow. She says she's sorry as she's saving them. FOR WHAT? For being a little rude to Feyre as all sisters are? And rightfully hating your sister's abuser?

Oh yeah, remember in ACOWAR when Nesta took care of a comatose, starving Elain for months? Elain is randomly okay now because she takes care of her mental health the stereotypical way of baking cakes, and not drinking and fucking, which she shames Netsa for.

Remember the slut shaming, demeaning comments that the whole iNnEr cIrClE made about Nesta? They all expect apologies from her. For some reason.

Nesta has done nothing wrong. She coped with her trauma and minded her business in her own ways, and she's expected to apologise to the people who control and emotionally abuse her.

Nothing that any of these characters did to Nesta is right. Nesta wasn't okay at the end, this wasn't Nesta's healing story. This is Nesta being shamed and degraded until she submits.

Oh I can't believe I forgot to write this in my first draft of this review, do you know how Nesta "overcomes" her grief about her Father's death and her conflicting feelings about him and his life and her guilt? When she visits his grave for the first time, she takes Nyx.

NYX.

She holds NYX up to the grave and talks about how it's his grandson.

GO AWAY YOU STUPID DEMON BABY THIS IS NOT YOUR BOOK.

Speaking of, it's revealed that Nesta was abused by her mother and grandmother in this book? Something we were all looking forward to is seeing more of the Archeron's mother seeing as Feyre was so young when she died, but... nope. She gets a few vague mentions, and this newly revealed abuse is entirely glossed over. Nesta was also actively groomed by an older man at 14. But SJM glosses over this because of course she does.

Finally, the bonus chapters.

My edition came with a bonus chapter from Feyre's POV. It was pointless and I hated it.

There's another bonus chapter from Azriel's POV. Once I'd finished this book, he was one of the few characters I still harboured a shred of respect for.

Then I read his bonus chapter.

This exists to purely objectify Elain.

Whether you ship Elain with Azriel, or Lucien, or neither, this chapter is disgusting. He thinks about her coming on his tounge, and other things simply just to please him.

He then dares to suggest that "the Cauldron picked wrong" in choosing Lucien as Elain's mate?

No Azriel, SJM picked RIGHT in not giving each Archeron sister a bAt bOy.

Rhysand does the only right thing he's ever done by telling Azriel to stay away from Elain, but then he has to ruin it by clarifying that it's only so they can manipulate and use Lucien more.

Oh, and Azriel wants to kill Lucien.

Need I remind you that Lucien respects Azriel? Lucien is another victim of the Night Court's needless, baseless torment, and Azriel is no exception.

Lucien stays well out of Elain's way because she makes it clear that she's not interested in a mate, but Azriel wants to kill him simply for being her mate.

Lucien has done nothing. And I mean literally NOTHING to warrant any of this treatment. From the bAt bOyS, from Feyre, from his family, from SJM, from the deluded part of this fandom that think he's done wrong. NOTHING.

All I liked about this book was the Lucien scenes (which is a given), ((although I hated the way everyone talks about him behind his back)), Nesta's relationship with the house, Emerie and Gwyn, the evidence that Gwynriel is endgame and subsequently Elucien, and the book love. Everything else was horrible. Oh, and Nesta hates Rhysand. I love that for her, because everyone else bows at his feet.

Oh yeah, when Nesta DARES suggest that Rhysand is an "arrogant, preening asshole" which I think is a compliment, Cassian can't take Rhys' cock out of his mouth for one second, and has to get mad at her for having an opinion. Don't even get me started on Azriel in that scene.

If each book after ACOTAR made me slowly give up, this book made me give up altogether. I cannot go on to support this victim-blaming, abuse-forgiving, misogynistic series. I've given up on SJM, and the only characters I care about anyone are Lucien, Nesta, Helion, and Tarquin. I'll continue to read this series to see if SJM redeems herself, but I'll be downloading them for free. I'm not giving this piece of shit any more of my money.

I hope we don't get the Lucien book. I don't want her to slaughter my fox in the way she slaughtered LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE.

Thanks for listening.

Edit: I put the review on Goodreads!

[beansie009]

You're confusing head canon with canon.

How so? I’m assuming this is in response to this post.

Loki, throughout all of his MCU appearances, is motivated by a desire for love, praise, adulation, etc. Loki did not want the throne in the first Thor film. He admitted so himself and his actions during that movie largely support this. He even says this again during his show, leading me to further believe this is true and he wasn’t lying. Which, granted, he is known to do....

Loki wanted Odin’s approval in the first Thor film. That is what drove him throughout most of the movie. He snuck the frost giants into Asgard to postpone Thor’s coronation, not to seize the throne. Loki wanted to prove to Odin that Thor wasn’t ready yet (and he was right, sorry not sorry.) He didn’t want the throne himself. This plan succeeded, but Loki couldn’t leave well enough alone and he goaded Thor to go to Jotunheim. And we all know how well that went….

Odin rescued them, but not before Loki discovered he was Jotun. His parents never told him about his heritage because they “wanted to protect him from the truth." If they truly thought there was nothing wrong with him being Jotun, why would they have felt a need to protect him? Asgard is a prejudiced civilization. They colonized the other eight realms and, judging by their rhetoric against them, largely think themselves above them. They nonchalantly call the Jotuns monsters, compare Midgardians to goats, and refer to the Dark Elves as creatures. Thor and Loki grew up with stories of Asgard’s greatness and, for the most part, believed them for most of their lives. When young Thor proclaimed he would “hunt the monsters down and slay them all,” Odin only told him not to seek out war. He said nothing about the negative language used to describe the Jotnar, even with young Loki present. It was completely normalized.

When Loki confronted Odin about his heritage, he referred to himself as “the monster parents tell their children about at night.” That language didn't come from a vacuum and he is directing it not only at the Jotuns but at himself. When he fought Thor at the end of the film, he told him he would “destroy that race of monsters.” Loki holds a lot of self-loathing towards himself for a multitude of reasons, but I'll settle on his heritage for this post. He thinks little of the Jotnar and so thinks little of that part of himself. He blamed his heritage for his feelings of inadequacy when compared to Thor.

I would make an argument that Loki feared Thor after he learned of his heritage, too. Thor vowed to destroy all of the Jotun as a child, he wanted to “finish them together” with Odin, and he told Odin in the Bifrost that “the Jotuns must learn to fear me just as they once feared you.” I think Loki lied to Thor about Odin’s “death” to keep him from interfering with his plans for Jotunheim, but also because he was afraid of him. I can’t find the reference, but I am almost positive that Hiddleston himself confirmed this at some point of time. (Btw, I don’t think for one second Thor would have hurt him, but Loki is an emotionally stunted idiot.)

All of this leads me to be highly skeptical that Loki from Thor 1 would proclaim himself as the “rightful king of Jotunheim” and freely use the Casket of Ancient Winters in front of the Asgardian army. He was still deeply ashamed of this fact at this time and would not have wanted it known. (He supposedly overcame this by Thor 3, but I don’t think the narrative earned it. The movie told us he came to accept it enough to put it in a play, but it didn’t show us how he got to that point. Regardless, he was certainly not emotionally at that point during Thor 1.)

Also, at the very least, the Casket should have revealed his Jotun form, which it didn’t.

After he discovered his heritage, Loki’s motivation was to prove himself a worthy son of Odin by any (terrible) means necessary. In the end he failed to destroy Jotunheim and Thor destroyed the Bifrost. Even while hanging from the edge of the bridge, Loki sought Odin’s validation, which was denied. Loki was as low as he could be and he let go. He landed on Sanctuary I and Thanos found him. I’m aware there are a bunch of theories about what happened next, but I really don’t want to get into them here because that is all they are really. Theories. Nothing solidly confirmed in canon.

Regardless, something happened between Thor 1 and Avengers 1 that twisted Loki into the would-be conqueror of Midgard. That desire was born out of his anger towards Thor and Odin after Thor 1. Loki said he wanted to be king in Avengers 1, but really he wanted to exact revenge against something Thor held dear. He wanted to hurt Thor. He wanted the adulation a throne would give him. He did not think he could have Odin’s love so he would at least have Odin’s respect as a king. He wanted Odin to see that he was just as worthy of a throne as Thor and him - which is batshit crazy but so was Loki in Avengers 1. Even Coulson knew Loki didn’t know what he wanted. “You lack conviction.” A throne would never have made him happy and I think, as messed up as he was, even Thor 1 Loki realized this.

I completely believe that Thor 1 Loki would come to Earth and even seek to destroy it to avenge his brother’s death. And he was definitely unstable enough at the time to do so– see Jotunheim. Despite everything he says to the contrary, Loki loves Thor. I do not believe that when everything was settled at the end of that episode that Loki would seek to rule Earth though. He had no motivation to do so yet. That only came after he fell from the Bifrost and met Thanos. I would have believed it more if he had betrayed Fury in the end of the episode and still tried to destroy Earth, but not to rule it. Thor 1 Loki giving his Avengers 1 “you were made to be ruled” speech at the end of that episode comes across like the writers just copied and pasted their favorite moments from the movies into the show without an understanding of the motivation behind them or why those moments worked in the first place. It’s sloppy writing and in the end, disappointing, because I for one would love to see a story tackle an unstable Thor 1 Loki hell-bent on avenging his brother’s untimely demise whilst dealing with all of his other issues. I’m here for the premise, not the execution.

I would have also rather have seen HYDRA taking out the Avengers than Hank Pym. It doesn’t make sense in canon that HYDRA allowed the Avengers to form under their control. It would be in their vested interest to eliminate this threat before it would take them out. However I don't know enough about Hank Pym's character, so I'll leave this here.

I also think it was naïve of Sif to tell him that Odin wouldn’t want him to destroy Earth. When Frigga died, Odin wanted to destroy all of the Dark Elves even if that meant the destruction of Asgard. I’m on the fence about whether Loki would have halted an attack at her council. They famously dislike each other and Loki and Odin are cut from similar cloths. Would he stand down if he was that angry? Or would he heed her words since, at this time, he so desperately sought Odin’s approval? It’s food for thought....

[nastyburger]

public ShortComings right now right now right now right now ri

LMAO I HAVE SUMMONED CONSTELLAJ WITH MY DASH REDEMPTION ARC KLSADJSALKDJALK anyway heres the episode idea under the cut!!!

the premise/start of the episode is similar to its canon counterpart. danny needs to pass an important physical exam and is paired with dash as a fitness buddy to help prepare for it. however, instead of jack just blasting phantom, a ghost, and an innocent bystander outside the house with the shrink ray and promptly fucks off to not deal with the consequences of that, the shrink blaster is introduced early on to danny as a prototype still in the works. it is then left in the lab until it is needed later and the set up for the actual fitness buddy stuff comes into play.

the real deviation from micro management happens when skulker attacks the duo. danny randomly shouts to scatter in opposite directions to throw the ghost off as a thinly veiled excuse to have a place to transform and promptly bolts...... except dash doesnt run in the opposite direction like he was supposed to. danny gets to a secluded area and starts slowing down, like half a second away from going ghost, before being pushed by dash to keep running with skulker following close behind.

while still running for their lives, danny is just like???? why the fuck did you follow me i said scatter????? to which dash promptly says “dude that ghost was definitely chasing you and there’s no way you can out run it, you would’ve been toast.” to further prove the point, danny is unable to shake dash off his tail and actually is struggling to keep up in human form, to the point where dash is practically carrying him while occasionally tossing him ahead to force him to run without falling behind.

danny, realizing that he wont be able to turn into phantom anytime soon, decides “okay change of plans, we’ll do this the human way” and steers dash towards the direction of fentonworks to get ghost weapons instead. they eventually hit the lab and danny starts grabbing ectoguns and starts blasting at skulker who is putting up quite the fight. dash, seeing the struggle, tries to help too. he grabs some guns of his own, but being more unfamiliar with the tech, he grabs a lot of duds or stuff not fully loaded. in his frantic panic, one of the guns dash grabs ends up being the unfinished shrink blaster.

before danny can stop him, the blast goes off but instead of shrinking only the target, it malfunctions and hits everyone in the room and a couple of weapons here and there. the shrink explosion knocks everyone back quite a bit so they’re far away from the gun and idk some bullshit about jack coming in to be like huh that’s weird and taking it somewhere else. shrunken shenanigans ensue.

if danny couldnt get away to transform before, he DEFINITELY cant now (how is he gonna explain disappearing and then having a mini phantom show up lol). so he an dash are stuck together. they grab all the tiny weapons they can and set off, having tiny happenings and that all along the way similarly to canon. the only difference is danny more discreetly using his his powers and covering it up by saying it was fenton tech. it leads to some funny stuff and danny trying to badly lie through his teeth.

this episode builds on both dash’s character and how his view on danny starts to change. this event is sorta the kicker to his whole redemption arc in the nasty reboot timeline, having moments/seeds somewhat sown before this but never full on sprouting until this moment. dash has seen danny hold his own in a fight before, but only in teams, with his friends, and behind weapons (i.e pirate radio) up until this point. as their weapons start to lose ammo and supplies (and, unknown to dash, danny’s powers) dash starts to REALLY see how resourceful and charismatic danny is on his own. all other possible factors are removed here, its just pure, unfiltered, human danny fenton baby!

even when dash has his breakdown similar to canon, the kid he picked on for years still extends a hand and helps him out of it. even when the goal seems so far away like they’ll never make it, danny tells him to press on and keeps moving forward. even when they’re at their wits end and dash cant for the life of him figure out a way out of the situation, danny still!! somehow!!!! does!!!!!!! all these little moments make dash start to fall in love appreciate the skillset and merits danny has all on his own. (theres also like themes of danny learning how to properly balance/maintain both of his lives and learning he has valuable skillsets as fenton too instead of being a useless half in this reboot. dash’s validation is a small part of what encourages danny into realizing his worth. because, hell, if your bully thinks you’re doing alright then thats gotta mean something, right?)

the climax of the episode is when danny is backed into a corner by skulker with no ammo, no powers, and no significant physical strength. but even so, danny decides to go off the deep end by launching himself at skulker and starts smacking the shit out of the ghost with nothing but an empty ectogun and blind gremlin rage.

(exactly like this lol)

in the struggle, danny is doing surprisingly well (which dash absolutely notes in awe) but then at one point, skulker points a weapon in prime position to shoot danny without him noticing. dash panics and rushes to pull fenton off of skulker, but danny, upon realizing what dash is doing, takes opportunity and latches onto skulker’s head trying to pry it off with dash’s combine strength (much to dash’s confusion).

basically, danny manages to rip skulker’s fucking head off (dash is horrified until danny shows him the actual ghost and how his body was just a suit) and sucks up skulker into a spare thermos. the two then use the suit to jet pack them up onto the welding table in the ops center where jack had been tinkering with it.

the shrink blaster had its final fixes implemented in it now, with a reverse switch as well, so danny and dash easily changes back to normal. they share a bit of a moment, similar to phantom and dash in canon. but instead of dash ruining the moment this time, its danny who simply states “well the adrenaline has worn off so i should probably tell you my leg is most likely fractured” before collapsing onto dash. at some point during the tussle with skulker, danny’s leg apparently got scrunched pretty hard to the point of being broken but danny was being too feral in the moment to react right away.

(again, as stated in a previous ask, my shitpost jock protection squad au took various elements from this plotline in the reboot so there will be overlap but its not canon)

because of the broken leg situation, danny is unable to do the test but is allowed to retake it once he recovers. of course, this means dash is still danny’s fitness buddy. this gives an excuse for them to be stuck together for a little longer and so the redemption process begins!!!! (even if danny’s leg technically already healed after a day or so lol)

[kaibutsushidousha]

If the v3 cast were Masters, which Servants would they summon who has the highest compatibility with them ?

Akamatsu and Amakusa

Amami and Nursery Rhyme

Iruma and Caligula

Ouma and Nightingale

Ki-bo and Kotarou

Gonta and Bedivere

Saihara and Arjuna

Shirogane and Gilgamesh (Caster)

Shinguuji and Medusa

Chabashira and Xuanzang

Toujou and Queen of Sheba

Harukawa and Jason

Hoshi and Dantes

Momota and Mandricardo

Yumeno and Nagiko

Angie and Douman

Explanations under the cut in case you're confused, because you probably are.

First off, Twitter people might be wondering why so many choices are different from what I chose for this thread. Obvious consideration for who is normally summonable aside, the main thing I kept in mind here is that compatibility summon comes in two flavors. Pattern A is a hero similar in nature to Master (Sakura and Medusa, Ryuunosuke and Gilles, etc), and Pattern B is the hero the Master needs for the personal struggles of their character arc (Pepe and Ash, Erice and Voyager, Elsa and Arash, Jinako and Karna, etc). Pattern B is always more interesting than Pattern A, so that's what I'm using for all my choices. Now let me go over them one by one.

1. I say things will be different from the thread and immediately break the promise with Akamatsu. Akamatsu relied a lot on Saihara's brain to build her plan, but their relationship was never one of mutual trust because she knew Saihara would agree to her harsher and more definitive methods. The hero Akamatsu needs is someone both competent and like-minded. Someone who shares her earnest will to save everyone and willingness to use more extreme methods for it. Amakusa is the Servant for her.

2. For Amami, I'll go with Nursery Rhyme. Much like Raikou got Nursery in the Heian Singularity's Imperial Grail War as the emotional crutch daughter figure she needed, Amami gets an emotional crutch little sister figure to help him reunite with the twelve he lost. This pair would be interesting because it'd subvert Nursery's usual MO of simply forcing others to reconnect with their inner child. The whole reason why he lost 12 sisters is that his passion for seafaring and exploration distracts him from what he's supposed to do. Her role as the villain of the Santa Nightingale event shows she can be harsh when children are being neglected, so Nursery would be the force pulling Amami back on track, but she'd have to balance that with allowing him to enjoy himself to preserve his childish love for adventure. He'd be a tough and delicate case for our Hero of Children.

3. The hero Iruma needs is... anyone who tolerates her, really. My first thought was Karna, but he's about finding value where no one else does, and Iruma has her share of undeniable value, so I think he isn't the best choice. Their pair would be a watered-down version of Jinako's pair anyways. Fate/ actually quite scarce of Servants defined by being all-tolerant because that's a trait they push more on Fujimaru, but two examples that come to mind are Romulus, the man who loved all of Rome (read: human civilization) in both its sins and achievements; and Caligula, the man who went crazy trying to do the same. Romulus is too OP to help Iruma tone down her ego, so I'll go with Caligula.

4. Ouma is a hard case. He needs someone he can absolutely trust and finding one of those is a huge challenge. The only ones Ouma has expressed full trust to were Gonta, because he was unquestionably good and weak-willed enough to never stray away from Ouma's instruction without asking first; and chapter 5 Momota, who was in circumstances so complicated that he wouldn't dare to throw away the chance Ouma's script offered. Ouma is the kind of paranoid control freak who would intentionally go for a Berserker because even the ones who speak are single-minded in a way that makes them easy to plan around. The alternative would be someone so like-minded in methods and standards that he'd probably hate them but still trust as someone who thinks the same way he would, but only BB fits that bill and she's not normally summonable. With that card off the table, the only options Ouma has left are Berserker he can trust to never kill anyone ever, and the only Zerk valuing life this much is Nightingale. BB's fellow nurse, amusingly enough.

5. Ki-bo would be offended with Alaya if he summoned a robot or homunculus just because he's a robot. And he also wishes for a partner that will treat him as an equal without denying what makes him different as a robot. In short, he needs a human Servant that is used to have normal relationships with robots. But Chen Gong or Red Hare because they're too evil, nor Orion because he's too crude. That leaves us with robot Danzou's human son, Fuuma Kotarou.

6. Gonta's wish is to become a true gentleman his human family can acknowledge, and for that, he needs the example of someone who is both well-mannered and of noble heart. Bedivere is an easy choice.

7. As I mentioned a few times before around 2017~18, I strongly think the best thing about Saihara is his interactions with Hoshi. Saihara is a guy feeling eternally guilty because he made one "good guy" murderer pay for his crime and he tries to make up for it by forcefully validating Hoshi's mass-murdering of the mafia. Then in Fate/, we have Arjuna, an all-around excellent man who adamantly believes himself to be evil because he did one dishonorable thing once. Saihara is the stubborn validating Master Arjuna needs to make him understand that he is not the monster he believes himself to be.

8. The first thing about Shirogane is that she really doesn't like reality, especially when it concerns herself. She can't muster any interest in the boring, plain girl she is or the boring, plain world she lives in, so she makes a hobby and a job out of becoming someone else, a larger-than-life figure in a fictional world. She loves all Danganronpa characters but expresses greater adoration towards Junko and Kamukura, the most unreal the series has produced. Enter Gilgamesh, the Hero King with the comically large ego and literally all Noble Phantasm to satiate Tsumugi's craving for a break from reality. That said, Gilgamesh has the recurring hobby of playing therapist to a Master disconnected from their own self and is the franchise's greatest symbol of the willing departure from the Age of Gods into the Age of Man. As much as he fits her tastes on a surface level, he's the guy who transitioned the flashy world of fantasy she dreams of into the plain world she hates, and he'll use most of his free time to the same on a personal level for her. The Caster version is being specifically picked because Archer has childish beef with modernity, and Caster is intentionally making his arsenal more limited and unimpressive, which is self-demonstrative of the points he wants to make to Shirogane.

9. One of his Free Time Events has him explaining why Medusa is his favorite myth, and I definitely can't claim to know this shit better than him. Deep emotional attachment to a story can net you a compatibility summon, as Kiara is there to show, and Shinguuji gets bonus points from how TM Medusa became a monster out of living her life for her sisters rather than for herself.

10. Cute and righteous female Buddhist mentor figure who does martial arts. What else could Chabashira ask for?

11. Toujou takes self-worth from serving big important people with utmost perfection, so she needs her Servant to be a king or similarly important leader. But she also needs it to be a support Caster so can properly invert the Master-Servant relationship and personally fight the enemy Servant for her king. The only characters in the middle of the Venn diagram of kings and support Casters are Medea and Sheba, and Medea wants nothing do with the royalty life anymore, so Sheba it is.

12. The role of the hero Harukawa needs is already properly fulfilled by Momota in the story, so I'll go with Jason because he shares all of Momota's strenghts and flaws. He's someone who'll force her to be part of a team, relentlessly encourage her break out of her shell, and have a shitty personality she can never fully respect, making the relationship balanced. And things would go even smoother with Jason because his summon comes with Atalante, who is someone Harukawa can easily relate to.

13. Hoshi needs someone who would assure him of his choices and make him comfortably reconnect with his past like he did with Saihara in his Free Time Events. As practically the face of the Avenger Class, Dantes defines himself as an ally and guardian to the ones who were wronged and lashed out in less than virtuous ways, so he's a perfect fit.

14. Momota is too aware of himself as the protagonist of his own story to want a hero. He would instead want a loyal sidekick or a like-minded rival. Voyager is a good sidekick option due to his fit with Momota's wish for greater adventure further beyond, and is a Servant Momota mentions in his Free Time Events, so there's the emotional connectional to his story there. For a rival, a big name adventurer like Drake or Odysseus could work, and so could a wandering warrior like Musashi. But there's one option that fits both roles: Mandricardo. Rica has the adventurer experience necessary to eventually compete with Momota, but also Saihara's level of self-esteem, allow him to start on the sidekick role until Momota pulls him out of it and shapes him into a proper rival.

15. Like with Harukawa, the role of hero Yumeno needs is already fulfilled by Chabashira in canon, so we know what she needs is someone with high energy and a deep understanding of emotions. And Fate/'s biggest connesieur of human emotion is none other than our Kiyohara no Nagiko.

16. Angie is a complicated case because she doesn't react well to being disobeyed. My first idea for someone with a functioning partnership with her is a knight, but knights generally work on the premise that their king is selfless and righteous, which Angie isn't. There are people like Lan Ling, Liangyu, the ninjas, Mori or Okita, who submit their lives to anyone's authority, but for that same reason, they wouldn't help Angie improve. What she really needs is someone good at feigning humility, like Limbo. He wouldn't have good intentions for her Master, but by manipulating situations out of her control without letting her feel like her divine words are being challenged, he can force some level of change on her mindset. It's better than nothing.

[centrally-unplanned]

Allocating Your Aesthetic Budget: Sailor Moon Edition

Sailor Moon is a show that undoubtedly built a powerhouse of a visual brand. Should I even bother posting a screenshot of the sailor scouts, given that I am 100% confident anyone reading this can recall them instantly? I guess it won’t hurt: 

Anime is often really good at creating iconic designs like this, through repetition of the visuals. It is awkward in live action shows if characters just wear the same outfit every scene (what, they only own one outfit? Are they homeless/work in the tech industry?), but animation gives us enough aesthetic “distance”, an awareness that this isn’t accurate to real life, that you can buy into the conceit. By wearing the same outfit every time, it just becomes the character. Not to mention a studio can really save quite a few bucks by streamlining production with neat tricks like having only one character design to animate - when you are on a shoe-string budget, like pretty much every anime in the 90’s was, every cut corner counts.

What is interesting about Sailor Moon is that most of the time it doesn’t really use this conceit at all.

-----------

Episode 15 of Sailor Moon’s first season has, in its opening act, this shot of all of the Senshi (at the time) talking to the plot-of-the-day character, who clearly trains rock Pokemon in 16-bit caves in his off hours:

If you knew nothing about these three characters, you could probably infer about 80% of their personality just from their outfits. Usagi (the blond one in the middle, if that's necessary) is wearing:

Light pastel colours, with pink on top of that: girly, feminine, bubbly and breezy

Short-but-not-too-short of a skirt, and red heels: cares about fashion, wants to project an image of being a woman with a romantic hint to it

Long-twin tails w/ buns: Contrasting the shoes, she is still immature and childish. It also means she is the protagonist of an anime 

Rei (far right) rocks a very different look:

T-shirt and jean shorts, shoes over heels: sensible, practical, a bit sporty

Very short shorts, long black hair: Confident, a bit aggressive, and suggestive of a more overt sexuality

Ami (far left) settles into a more restrained vibe with:

Full, long, but sleeveless dress, bob-cut hair: Chaste, more conservative, but not to the point of prudishness; particularly with the length (and the hand posture, shielding her body) probably a bit shy

Monochrome blue colour in outfit & hair: reserved, serene, possessing a calm demeanor

I know I have seen the show already, but really none of these details are a stretch - this is just the language of fashion. And all of these outfits are outfits that the characters have never (or rarely) worn before up until this point. The cast of Sailor Moon, far from that animation conceit of “standard outfits”, change clothes all…

the….

time.

     I just randomly clicked on episodes to find these, it requires no hunting

And while it isn’t always as spot on as the top picture, they all in some way embody the language of visual design to speak to the personality of the characters. If you want to see more, check out one of the multiple tumblrs dedicated to the everyday clothing the Sailor Senshi wear, because of course those exist.

If this was a 2010’s Kyoto Animation show, pointing this out would be the end of it - every one of their shows has this level of impeccable detail. Sailor Moon is notable in that it is not at all that kind of show; the animation and designs in Sailor Moon take perpetual shortcuts to get the job done. I don’t think the transformation sequences need to be belabored - the way they permitted the team to recycle identical animation sequences, multiple times per episode, was surely a godsend to the production schedule. Yet not all of the budget limitations are so prettily masked:

     I’m sure they finished the background art in the...VHS release?

The show is filled with dirty animation, unfinished backgrounds, backgrounds that are a simple color gradient for no clear reason, and so on. It is clear that the Sailor Moon team did not have the resources for every detail - which is why the decision of what details they did choose to prioritize is so interesting.

----------

What is the point of Sailor Moon? I do believe that shows have “points”; and by that I don’t mean a message or theme but a core appeal to an audience, something specific that they will get out of the show. Almost every show appeals along multiple axes, and Sailor Moon is no exception, but I want to focus on one: aesthetic identification.

If you learn someone is a Sailor Moon fan, there is the obvious follow-up question you have to ask, namely “which Sailor Senshi are you?” It’s the which-Harry-Potter-house-are-you question of anime, a horoscope where you can choose your sign (in this case literally). The premise of this concept is not hard for media to execute on - it is just personality traits and aesthetics grouped together under a label, a basic building block of media and clickbait internet quizzes. Harry Potter, ironically, raised up its memetic question almost by accident, as its focus is so squarely on House Gryffindor that the others are almost forgotten; it was just so mind-bogglingly popular that it didn’t matter. 

Sailor Moon, however, takes this concept and allocates so much of its aesthetic budget into making it a centerpiece of the show. Sailor Moon herself is a klutzy, lazy romantic, Sailor Mercury is a shy, earnest bookworm, and so on, with none of them ever really becoming very complex characters. However, the show devotes itself to making you *feel* these archetypes as strongly and intricately as possible. All of those outfit changes are chosen because not only do real girls care about their outfits and can therefore identify more strongly with characters who do the same, but so they can constantly emulate their archetype in diverse, different ways. The show doesn't have the budget for intense action scenes, so after Sailor Moon engages in her hyper-serious transformation sequences, she proceeds to, nearly every time, bumble through the combat scenes like this:

Oh sure, the scenes are done this way because it is funny (and good comedy can be done on any budget - these shots are frequently still frames with motion lines!), but it is also done this way because Sailor Moon is a total screw-up, and if you identify with that it is validating to see someone “just like you” able to pull off wins despite it all. The transformation sequences are not only beautiful animation that showcases aspirational power, but are also crafted to highlight the personalities of the Senshi in question - unless you think aggressive, combative Rei got fire powers by coincidence. Half of the run-time of every episode is spent, not on the plot du-jour, but on light-hearted personal squabbles between the cast because those scenes are not just funny, but also allow for far more moments of character expression. 

All of that work pays off in building with the audience, not a connection with a character who reflects their identity in total, but a connection that reflects one aspect of their identity in an extremely deep (dare I say multifaceted?) way. I think if you were to describe Sailor Moon as a “shallow” show, you would actually be right to say so, in a sense. These characters will never have the true depth of personality, themes and so on of a more ‘adult’ show. But those adult shows have to spend their effort somewhere - for all that the themes of say Evangelion or Paranoia Agent are pristinely detailed and impactful, you aren’t ever going to be memorizing the moves of their transformation sequences. The way Sailor Moon committed so strongly to fleshing out the archetypes the Senshi stood for is, I think, one of the keys to how this cast of five became so iconic.

     Not even their school uniforms match! They had to spend time in-universe *justifying* this!

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A Final Note:

At least, everything I’ve said here applies to Sailor Moon at its peaks. The show, however, is not one without its stumbles, even in Season 1. This section doesn’t flow into the core essay too well, but I wanted to note it because if you were to watch Sailor Moon today, you might struggle to feel the dynamic outlined above. The biggest culprit here is the length - Season 1 is 46 episodes long, and sections of it most certainly drag. They also take a startlingly long time to introduce the cast - this choice builds tension around their arrival, but it also means the later Senshi get a lot less time to establish themselves. Sailor Venus in particular gets hamstrung by this - she is introduced and then immediately arc plot elements sweep the narrative, and so she is left as a hollow shell for some time. The pacing of the show is undoubtedly flawed.

I think Sailor Moon is a show that you do have to keep its time and place in mind for - namely, middle schoolers and anime nerds watching it on broadcast TV in the 90’s. As an adult you “get” the point of the show pretty quickly, and get satiated on it almost as fast. Watching it all in a few sittings only heightens this problem. For a younger audience, and one that is waiting for a week between episodes with no internet for plot reminders, all that extra time is needed to jog memories and build connections. And younger audiences just have that limitless commitment to the things they love! If you think no one could actually enjoy seeing the same transformation sequence for the 30th time, watch it with someone who would have died for this show when they were 10 and you will be disabused of that notion *very* quickly. 

Still, we can’t travel back in time - Sailor Moon is a show of its era. There are “filler-reduced” guides out there, though I caution that the plot of Sailor Moon is absolutely not the point of the show in comparison to the character dynamics, and so sometimes the filler is the best part (Cat-Rhett Butler is the best character in the show YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT). Certainly, however, some method must be used to cut down on its length. If you are going to be a first time viewer in adulthood, that reality should be kept in mind, and if you do accept it for what it is you can really appreciate its core appeal - and don’t forget to finish it off with a 1990′s era internet personality quiz to really wrap it up!

[notbecauseofvictories]

oh I'm interested in the tag novel on how fan spaces becoming more meat spacey benefits the producers!! also happy Halloween! 🖤🧡🖤🧡

It’s not a particularly academic argument---I don’t have sources to back this up, I haven’t done research. I’m also wary of painting a picture of “fandom” as anything more than a lot of weasels in a trenchcoat, because that word means a lot of things to a lot of different people, some of whom hate each other. But as long as everybody understands that this is the ethnographical equivalent of drunkenly throwing darts at a copy of the AJS...sure.

[under a cut because it’s long and baseless, and also I had a lot of thoughts and feelings. Sorry.]

My basic premise is that fandom occupies “fanspace.” Fanspace is not solely online, since fanzines and conventions are fanspace too, but since the 90s it has become increasingly and primarily internet based. While some websites are designated fanspace (e.g., AO3, ff.net, stand-alone fansites) fanspace is not necessarily contiguous with a hosting site (e.g., there is fanspace on tumblr, but tumblr is not a fanspace). Fanspace is really just those urls, message boards, threads, blogs, accounts, etc. designated for fandom and/or where fannish activity takes place.

Its deeply-rooted internet presence has allowed fanspace and what I call “meatspace” to operate on different rules. Meatspace has always informed fan spaces, of course---disclaimers on fic to ward off accusations of copyright infringement, for example, or asking readers to attest that they’re over 13 before reading an R-rated fic. But traditionally, fandom has accepted as norm things that don’t apply to meatspace: fake names and anonymous posts, pictures of someone else’s characters, lengthy self-published stories featuring violence, explicit sex, sometimes even gay people. Fanspace is in many ways an artificial carve out from meatspace, where fewer of its rules apply; fanspace supplements these with its own norms.

The division between fanspace and meatspace is not and has never been a clear, settled line, however. Debates on how much meatspace should inform fan spaces have been raging for as long as I’ve been on the internet, and to be fair to meatspace, it has made good points. (I’m not sure if “don’t be racist,” counts as a meatspace rule given...racism, but fandom frequently reacts to it like a meatspace intrusion so I think it should count.)

However, what used to be intra-fandom conversations have become increasingly more public, for a few reasons:

Part of this is just the natural development of the internet---it’s not like fanspace was ever hidden, but there just weren’t as many people online, and stuff was harder to find in a pre-google, pre-algorithmic promotion world.

Part of it is the changing architecture of fanspace---websites shutting down, Strikethrough, and the tumblr porn ban have all, in their own ways, served to alter fanspace and move towards more and more public-facing sites.

But part of it---and this is the biggest factor, I think---is that over the last two decades, we’ve seen content-producers** increasingly willing to engage with fandom. 

On its face, this sounds good! After all, fans like people who make things, people who make things want fans. What could possibly be wrong about both sides recognizing their mutualism?

I think this works when the most interaction you could expect with a creator was showing up a bookstore to ask Tamora Pierce a question, or writing fanmail to Paul Gross. But it falls apart when you consider just how public-facing fanspaces have become, and just how much interest content-producers have taken in cultivating the fannish audience. Content-producers engaging directly with fandom are a thumb on the scales of mutualism, and a heavy one. After all, one side of the relationship is a loosely collected anarchic cult, migrating along a series of websites they mostly don’t control, making do with nothing but ongoing wank and general obsessive tendencies. 

The other side has D*sney, Harper Collins, and Comcast.

That thumb on the scale has paid off, more than I think even the content-producers could have anticipated. Fandom is good at loving what it loves and talking loudly about it, but capitalism is way better at doing what it does---turning everything into profit. So now people pay $100 a pop to go to Harry Potter World. Conventions are well-produced extensions of their parent companies, raking in money and providing a blitz of publicity---directly to the source most likely to take your messaging and amplify it. Make a superhero movie and the minute the trailer drops you conjure up thousands of online fans will be your de facto, unpaid publicists---generating interest via fan art, fic, and controversy with minimal corporate effort.  Of course fic writers who have established online presence are the darlings of the publishing world---what publisher wouldn’t want a built-in hype machine for a new author? 

And, just coincidentally, of course, fanspace and meatspace are drawn closer together, that line further blurred by this new and very, very interested third party.

I’m not saying this is some big conspiracy. No tv exec is out there rubbing their hands together and cackling evilly about how they’re going ruin fandom. But in exchange for meatspace validation and an endless stream of new content, I think fandom has ceded important ground. And I think it’s changing fanspaces, even now:

One of the founding rules of fanspace is that it does not generate money---you risk real copyright infringement that way. (This isn’t to say that money hasn’t been involved in a few massive fandom scandals, but it’s not typical.) Increasingly, however, the grumblings about getting paid for fan art and fic have gotten louder, probably due to meatspace’s general emphasis on the side-hustle, and seeing content-producers churn out more and more fan-like things for a profit.

(It seems unimaginable now, but once upon a time the HP Lexicon was an invaluable resource, a rare unicorn in a pre-wikipedia age. Now, D*sney wouldn’t even think of releasing a tentpole movie without a novelization, a picture dictionary, and a tie-in novel.)

Also, those calls for fan art that “might be featured” by a content-producer are (rightfully) scorned for asking for work pro bono. But the takeaway seems to be “we deserve to be paid for our fan art!” rather than “how dare the content-producer intrude on our fanspace and its activities!”

Fanspaces have never expected or required legal ID, permitting anonymous or pseudonymous activity in order to protect individual privacy. And while there’s still no expectation you link your legal ID with your online/fan ID, the norm has shifted---it’s no longer considered gauche to go by your legal ID, even necessary when turning mutuals and followers into an “audience.” We’re not anonymous fans, engaged in our mutual hobby anymore---some people are doing that, and others are potential content-creators.

I’d argue that even purity wank if an example of this new blurring, classic “don’t like don’t read” arguments taking on new life now that meatspace is so nearby---we wouldn’t want to offend the neighbors!

Even these things benefit the content-producers: the more fan-like stuff they churn out, the less fanspaces will create on their own; the more fanspaces that emphasize linking legal ID to online ID, the less people will be able to engage in fan activities privately; the more meatspace rules assert themselves on fanspaces, the less fanspace we’ll have.

Now, maybe this is just...evolution. As I said before, there is a porous and shifting border between fanspace and meatspace. I remember angry threads about whether m/m fics should be rated higher than a het equivalent; I remember the tagging debates, the incredible resistance to accurately describing what happens in your fic. Maybe in a few years, my longing to return to a more separate fanspace will seem equally as embarrassing, incorrect, and unnecessary. 

But right now, it feels more like an erosion---one fandom is about as willing or able to resist as the tide.

.

** “Content maker” is a term that’s come to mean “anyone who makes something” which is sheer nonsense. There’s a difference between publishers/television producers/movie studios and someone recording a podcast in their bathroom. There’s even a difference between D*sney, a vast undead creative monopoly animated by copyright protections, and someone like James Patterson, who uses a stable of ghostwriters to churn out “his” works. We shouldn’t be scrutinizing all these things them the same way, it’s lazy, and intellectually dishonest.