#unhealthy yearning but make it mutual

[acoraxia]

Rule #34 on Blast or whatever

[abyssalzones]

C-PTSD as a diagnosis makes so much sense for Ford because he really does fit almost all of the criteria, ESPECIALLY if you take the stuff in J3 into account in conjunction with his traumatic childhood (bullying, bad dad, etc.). It just makes sense in regards to his motivations and his issues with interpersonal relationships (like with Stan). Also buring yourself in your work (like he does) is a very common 'flight' coping mechanism to trauma in adults

I'm smiling like this right now

ford's whole.... mental health deal is extremely interesting to examine because Oh my god this man is the textbook image for "reacting to ongoing, continuous trauma". intentional or otherwise (I'm inclined to believe it's both).

like. okay hang on I'm about to get very in depth with it

I feel like there's no way this entire guy's life and in some ways his lasting identity haven't been defined by and constructed around various forms of trauma, maybe the most obvious and true-to-canon-intent being peer abuse/bullying from childhood. a lot of people downplay the impact of this type of abuse but it's... responsible for a lot of social ills in shocking ways. (if you're more interested in this topic here is an article my friend mer linked me a while back, it gets into it very deeply)

(a lot of this is going to be sourced from the wikipedia page for CPTSD [and my own experience Living with it] which I realize isn't very professional of me but Whatever this is tumblr)

one of the core tenets of ford's personality is that he's Different. he owns it, sure- his six fingers become a point of pride rather than something to be ashamed of- but they make it extremely clear that from a young age he associated being different with being a social pariah. ford's generation was characterized by notoriously cruel bullying, and anything that remotely made you stand out rendered you a target. ford could've been bullied for being nerdy and jewish (and failing to perform socially, ie dating) alone, having such an obvious mutation definitely was not winning him any points.

so it's honestly no surprise, when from childhood ford feels like he has One person in the world to trust and confide in, that he would go on to form very unhealthy attachment patterns typical of CPTSD. as you elaborated on regarding AvPD (which I know far less about but seems to have comorbidity with CPTSD): if you're hard-wired to believe socializing with others results in failure or betrayal, then you're not going to make an effort. but what does end up happening is that you're going to pour all of your trust and dependency into one person at a time, one person who is "safe".

previously, that was his brother. and it's not really hard to draw the conclusion from there that fiddleford was a subject of ford's attachment style, considering he was his One friend from college, and... one of Maybe two people ford is friends with at all who he isn't related to. he cites him as the only person he can possibly trust to work on the portal project alongside him, and he still can't bring himself to tell him the full truth, because he's terrified of losing him. I love their dynamic (I do think they were mutual best friends, and there was no small amount of trust reciprocated between them. "fiddleford was weird as hell too" is something I keep coming back to) and I don't think it's built on entirely unhealthy terms, but that kind of pressure is... setting things up to crash and burn.

enter bill stage left. back to "continuous yearning to be liked and accepted"- this guy knew that and made every effort to prey on ford's insecurities to reel him in as close as possible. this is what really pisses me off about the idea that bill was just "inflating ford's ego", because it's way, way more insidious than that. throughout the entirety of journal 3 we see ford reintroduce someone to his life he has a very positive relationship with (fiddleford) and how that trust gets gradually broken down by bill's influence "winning out" over their friendship. I think it's safe to say ford was already vulnerable: from the start, he'd been isolated in his research for six years (and it's unclear for how long he'd known bill by 1982), and bill proved time and time again to be someone who wouldn't judge him, someone who would praise him for his hard work, and perhaps most critically, make him feel like being different was something special.

like that's... that's really not good!!!! and that kind of thing works wonders on someone who has already settled with the idea that they're inclined to be alone just by design.

trying to put a cap on this. in relationships like the one he's had with his brother or fiddleford it doesn't even necessarily have to be ""toxic"" (vague term anyway) or outwardly bad to be built on unhealthy attachment patterns, and considering for a good chunk of ford's life his attachment to others can be characterized as "I can only trust ONE person at a time" it feels essential to any discussion of his CPTSD or canon trust issues. That is something that happens a lot in Real cases of CPTSD (hi) and only further snowballs into More trauma by leaving you vulnerable to manipulation and abuse (see: bill.)

I've been going on for way too long now and I feel like I've only scratched the surface of the thing I wanted to elaborate on sorry. that post traumatic stress disorder can complex

[fantastic-bby]

Pairing: Reader x Hongjoong

Word count: 1.3

Genre: Angst | Non-Idol AU | Is a heavy reference to Rick and Morty's Unity, but I just never found the right time to post it (I wrote it more than a year ago)

You and Hongjoong have always been in this horribly dangerous and toxic cycle; at least until Seonghwa takes it upon himself to try and stop it.

Warnings: Heavily implied drug abuse | Heavily implied alcoholism | Implied sex

A/n: Everyone say hello to the winner of this month's Choose a Fic! p.s I'm surprised this one won, but I hope you guys enjoy!

Masterlist

[23:49]

It went without saying that what you two had wasn’t the healthiest thing in the world. He couldn’t even call it a relationship from how you were technically broken up… only you two would constantly fuck whenever you ‘bumped’ into each other at parties or at dinners with mutual friends.

Which leads Hongjoong to his current situation: 

His, so far, week-long bender with you as you both continue to feed each other more drugs and more alcohol only to end up having messy, extremely uncoordinated, but—for some reason—the best sex you both can get. 

And it’s disgustingly messy and extremely toxic with how the both of you are sober, clean, and happy when you’re away from each other. But whenever you’re together, you’re drunk, high, constantly having sex, or screaming the most foul and hurtful shit to each other. 

Despite how toxic and unhealthy your relationship is, you both can’t seem to let each other go because it’s familiar. As torturous as it is, Hongjoong finds your presence and company to be familiar enough for him to yearn for. And as much as everyone tells you to leave him, you just can’t seem to stay away from him for too long. 

Which is horrible considering how much more functionable and productive you are when Hongjoong isn’t in the picture. The way you’re both completely sober without each other only adds to the fact that everyone thinks you’re not healthy for each other. 

Because you’re both only ever on benders when you’re together. And it doesn’t create the best reputation for Hongjoong whenever he calls you up in the middle of the night and you disappear to drink and fuck for weeks. 

“Coming!” Hongjoong calls as he stumbles towards the banging front door, clumsily throwing on his t-shirt before opening it. Seonghwa stands outside with his arms crossed over his chest, displeasure painting his features as he lets his eyes scan Hongjoong’s state. “Oh,” he grumbles, a tinge of annoyance filling him at the sight of his friend. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to pull you out of this fucking bender,” Seonghwa states. 

“I don’t need someone to ‘pull me out’ Hwa. I’m perfectly fine,” Hongjoong argues with a snort. 

“You might be, but they’re not.” His eyes flit behind Hongjoong and it makes him turn around to see you standing in the living room, one of Hongjoong’s oversized t-shirts engulfing your frame, and staring at them. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It means that you’re a bad fucking influence on them. (Y/n) owns a restaurant and they’re not even there anymore because you keep bringing them away. They own multiple cafes and they can’t be there because you keep dragging them on benders. They have actual goals compared to you and you keep tearing that shit down instead.” 

Hongjoong can feel the twinge of annoyance becoming stronger and stronger the longer Seonghwa stands in front of him, but you speak before he can do anything. 

“Seonghwa, I think you’re overreacting,” you laugh, hand waving to visibly brush it off. “It’s not like it’s anything that bad. Joongie and I are just having fun.” You move to Hongjoong’s side and wrap your arms around his waist. “I need the break every once in a while, ya’know? Just some time to relax and have fun with him.” 

“You guys broke up two years ago and you’re still fucking each other when you’re drunk or high. It’s not healthy. You guys go on benders that can last up to months, and, honestly? I’m surprised you guys aren’t fucking dead with how much shit you put into yourselves,” Seonghwa argues. 

He’s obviously getting more agitated as well, which only fuels the anger that bubbles in the pit of Hongjoong’s stomach.

“We like doing this, okay? We like being with each other and we like doing this together. Why can’t you  just accept the fact that (Y/n) and I are together?”

“It’s unhealthy!”

“It’s temporary!” Hongjoong yells. “Why are you so up my fucking ass about this?! It’s not like I’m doing the bender with you! I’m doing it with (Y/n) and they’re perfectly fine with it.”

Your grip around Hongjoong’s loosen as the argument starts to get heated. The tension in the air starts to thicken and it’s making you uncomfortable. You never really saw your relationship with Hongjoong as anything more than a momentary release from the real world; a form of escapism that you would never fail to hop onto just to relax.

But hearing how it seemed to Seonghwa just made you feel… ashamed. 

It was never a problem in the beginning because you had always seen your relationship as something that was good. 

But you wonder how Seonghwa must’ve been thinking about it this entire time. 

Hongjoong just wants to have fun and you knew that from the first time you met him, and you broke up with him because of his inability to want to actually grow. Hongjoong likes things the way they are and he’s so terrified of change that, no matter how long you two spend apart, he’s still always exactly the same.

And hearing it come out of Seonghwa’s mouth finally seems to put it into perspective for you. You’re finally able to see it from the lens of someone else and you realise that the bottom line of this horrible codependent relationship that you and Hongjoong have is purely fun. He’s fun and that’s all you ever want out of him—it’s all he’s ever wanted out of you.  

“Mind your own damn business and get the fuck out of my apartment,” Hongjoong finally spits before slamming the door in Seonghwa’s face, a twang hitting your chest just as he does. He lets out a heavy sigh and turns to you, “sorry about that, babe. Hwa overreacts over these things sometimes.” 

“I-I don’t know, Joong. Maybe he has a point,” you mumble. 

“Don’t let it get to you. He’s just upset because I don’t see him often whenever I’m with you,” he quickly grumbles and pulls away from you. “Come on. We don’t have to let him be such a buzzkill. We have the rest of the week to fuck around, baby, and then we’ll get you back to your work.” 

Despite the growing uneasiness filling you, you decide to give Hongjoong this fleeting moment of freedom. 

He needs it anyway, you think. 

You made up your mind the moment he slammed the door in Seonghwa’s face. 

And when Hongjoong wakes up the next morning, you’ve disappeared from his apartment with nothing but a note on his bed. 

I can’t do this in person because I know I’ll just end up coming back to you like I always do, but you have to agree to some extent that Seonghwa’s right, Joong. What we have isn’t healthy and it never was; not even when we were dating. 

You don’t want change and the reason why I was okay with it was because there’s something wrong with me too. I loved you because I was in love with the idea of never having to change anything… which only adds to my point. We both feed off of each other, and to some extent, I indulge in letting you completely control my decisions and without me even realising it until it’s too late. 

For some reason, you’ve always been such a big part of me. And because of that, it’s easy for me to fall back into you over and over again no matter how much this relationship is basically torture for the both of us. 

I’m blocking you on everything to try and break this toxic cycle so we can both grow and be happy away from each other. 

Yours, and, forever, only yours,

(Y/n)

[dandelionsandderivatives]

Teatime with Steris, if you're still taking those asks?

Oh, certainly I am! Steris, for anyone who doesn't know, is a character from Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn (the Wax and Wayne era), and she is my best beloved. Spoilers below the cut!

In the first three books of the series, Steris and her sister, Marasi, are introduced. There's some longstanding tension between them, due to unhealthy family situations rather than their own actions, and when we meet them they're still not very comfortable around each other. Steris is rather prim-and-proper, extremely devoted to etiquette; Marasi is the more outgoing, adventurous one, with an unladylike love for criminology. As the series goes on, we learn that the sisters are more alike than they appear at first sight; Steris loves nothing more than being flung through the air (lovingly) by her magical flying husband and making elaborate plans with him, and Marasi's interest in police work extends to the sociological dynamics entwined with criminology.

The two sisters do grow closer together, but I honestly wanted a little more of their reconciliation to be shown on-page. Teatime with Steris is an exploration of their relationship as they attempt to spend a little more time together. Steris, who hates wastefulness, is still using the hideous tea service inherited from the last owner of the house. Since catastrophe follows every time the family is in one place, she is devoutly hoping that the tea set will be a casualty. Over the course of (a few weeks? a few months? I'm not sure yet), the two sisters have tea, discuss their lives, and bond over their growing hatred of the teapot. It's one of the first times they've shared a trivial interest, and it opens the door for deeper conversations. The idea is to go heavy on the yearning; this is essentially a mutual pining fic, except that the love is sisterly rather than romantic. (Which is a dynamic I'd love to see more of in fic!) The thing that's blocking my progress for this particular fic is an action scene. I have very little real-world experience with fights, and when I try to write them, I feel like everything comes off a little flat. The climax of the first section of this fic is when the villain that Marasi's been tracking bursts in on their tea, and the teapot is shattered in the struggle. I can manage to write the ruin of the teapot, but describing the tension leading up to a fight is much more difficult for me.

As I'm reading through it, I'm realizing that I have more done than I thought. Maybe I just need to sit down and write out the fight scene badly, and then edit it until it's readable?

I'm also having trouble with the second chapter/epilogue, in which the new teapot saves Steris's husband's life (the magic system in Mistborn revolves around metal, and so a silver tea service can come in handy in a fight if you have the right kind of magic). But I think I can get that part done all right, if can figure out the earlier fight. Thank you so much for the ask! I hope my answer is interesting; I love writing this kind of angst, but I'm not sure the emotions I'm trying to evoke come through in a summary!

[abandoned-apothecary]

"Mold In This Home."

A metaphorical story about letting go of codependent relationships.

Boxes crowded the living room, the walls had been stripped of their pictures and other decorations, what used to be an extravagant living room had turned to a pale lifeless empty room.

 I’ll admit it was hard and sad to leave behind something so familiar, I remember so many nights of pouring my heart into this home, giving it all that I was to make each room look enchanting. 

The blisters, bruises and calluses had never gotten to me, no matter how much my friends or family pointed out how unhealthy the decorating had become over the years. What would they know? I would ask myself some nights I put in the work to keep this home, I love it enough to make the sacrifices for it. They’ll never understand 

The choice to leave had been on my mind for a while yet nothing but anxiety and intrusive thoughts had stopped me from leaving this all too familiar safe space of mine. 

“If I give it up now then I never truly loved this home properly.” “I’m nothing but careless” “Only a heartless person would make this decision, don’t you love the home?” 

I felt alive when I decorated this home or as alive as the momentary gratification allowed me, being away from the home sometimes made me sick to my stomach, my hands would shake uncontrollably at the thought of something drastic happening to the home if I weren’t present in times of chaos, the anxiety of a storm or weathering of the home drove me mad some nights.

In my eyes the home and its appearance always came first, who exactly would I be if I left? I'd based my entire identity in being its designer, my worth was completely tied to everything about the house.

My mind had always been preoccupied worrying and thinking about the home and whether or not it was safe and secure.

Mirrors had never been an item of decor I’d ever looked into, why would I? I have a home and I should be lucky, why worry for myself or my appearance? Wasn't the appearance of this home enough for me?

I never understood the few mutual friends of mine who had homes yet also kept mirrors, don’t they realize there just isn’t enough time for both? 

My home had become my mirror, I felt like myself when I was close, I felt alive, the thought of owning a mirror mirror had become pointless in my eyes because "if I was with the thing that brought me the most gratification and put a stop to the anxiety I felt when I was away, then why bother searching?"

Things started to escalate as they went down hill, no matter how much I catered to making the home look nice, no matter how much I attempted to pour my heart into finding that spark that I once had in decorating, my mind would always slip off wondering where my mirror had gone. 

The home and its decor had began to slowly become mold in my life, it invaded my mind when I was away, like thick black mold, the clutter from the previous decorations had started to become a mess around my house, the clutter had started to become discouraging, the yearning for a mirror of my own began to grow, to see my reflection again instead of seeing the overwhelming amounts of clutter from the home started to be an every day thought. 

How could I even think about the idea when on top of the decorating I had the clutter to now clean up by myself, a mess I created myself, I often felt frustrated some nights, attempting to find a substitute for the mirror, attempting to manage the anxiety of being away from the home. I'd feel defeated some days as I’d attempt to feel my face, trying to figure out my features and who I was before the home came into the picture. 

The bruises and calluses had also started to manifest in my life, the nights I spent adding more decorations would often end in unexpected injuries to myself that became too painful to ignore.

Decorating the home I loved so much had became a chore I dreaded on one side of my mind, yet no matter how much I tried to pull away and take breaks from the decorating an amount unbearable of anxiety eventually caught up to me, leading to days of daydreaming about going back to decorating soon, it had become a nightmare, it began to be my only sense of identity and worth, it swallowed my whole life and my identity with it.  

I don’t want to live like this anymore. I began to think to myself when I felt the urge to decorate again, the days had become gray and miserable without the home when I took breaks. The mold from the my "safe space" then began to affect my health, my sleep, my identity, it took it all from me.

I felt hopeless somedays, I often spent days hating myself for wanting my own mirror, hating myself for not decorating as much and thus proving my point that I was neglecting the one thing I promised I’d love the day I bought this space.

I knew where my mirror was but the anxiety of outgrowing my love for this home scared me, the anxiety that if I saw my reflection I’d never return to the home again, it felt like war in my mind.  

The home had been mine for years, when I’d first bought the home I made a promise to myself that no matter what I’d put all my effort into it, I promised myself that I’d be better than any of the previous owners. 

Things started to fall apart, the home began to become unsafe for me, the mold in the walls began to slowly creep down the walls, it often felt like being in the eye of the hurricane before pure destruction.

I don't exactly know how or why but something snapped one night inside of me, my body felt like it moved on its own as I made my way to the closet, my hands shook as intrusive thoughts desperately tried to direct me back to attending to the home.

"I am something without it" I thought as I forced my way through the clutter closer to the closet.

"Things will be better, please don't look in the mirror" My pleaded with me.

The home had been all I’ve known for years, seeing my reflection again after so long became a path I had always been too scared to go down. "What if I'm---different?"

The moonlight illuminated the mirror, my mind pleaded louder for me to turn my attention back to the home, it pleaded with me to make one final attempt to find that spark in decorating that I had in the beginning, as I looked into the mirror, the thoughts began to quiet, the thoughts slowly redirected their attention to the nights where I’d pushed myself so hard to the point of tears to be enough, to make this home my top priority.

As I met myself again for the first time in what felt like decades it was as if nothing changed, my high cheek bones, my olive skin tone, I felt as if everything with the home and the decoration evaporated into thin air.

I paused and looked back at the home, the spark I once felt had vanished as I finally admitted to myself "The home you once had is gone after all those years."

I smile to myself as I remember who I am, who I was without the home.

I can survive without you after all. 

You'd lost your power over me, I slipped through your fingers as I learned to live my life properly without you, without your harsh expectations of me, the absence of you helped me to realize “I am enough.”

The End. 

---

:) Sorry if this is a little choppy, I'll be posting more in the future.

[lyman-garfiel]

Prohibited wish haters unite

i don't know who you are............but you're so right, hold on i have things to say on this i want to say my personal discomfort stems from my..bordering unhealthy attatchment to scarab as my f/o [as i type this the body pillow is LOOKING at me] hence why i don't and never really liked..interacting with the ship, but to each their own yaknow? if you like the pair i won't come at you. [and this still goes, pwish shipping mutuals i don't hate yall] ive just had people take my scarab yearning posts before tag it as "haha prismo coded" and its upset me before It was only when the the whole reveal in episode 10 with scarab to me shown stuck in the time room now that the ship got very saturated which i get, But the more attention drawn to the ship the more it drew in........a really bad crowd. a lot and i mean a LOT of proshippers. I want to say its died down now as i don't see much gross scarab content nowadays [then again i stick to tumblr.] but it really bothered me how scarab was treated. i enjoy prismo very much as a charecter i think he's a silly guy but he has not burrowed a nest into my skull like scarab has so i want to say i'm only qualified to talk about scarab in this regard. The community [i want to state casual shippers this is not you. this is very specific people] had a habit of ......putting scarab in compromising positions teetering on s/a [most of the time this was done using nightmo as prismo's "evil mode?"] and in a lot of comics and fics they water scarab down to this "NOT LIKE I LIKE YOU OR ANYTHING GRR" type of charecter..ignoring....evreything interesting about him. [i want to say good pwish fics likley exist..i just don't read them as for personal reasons the ship makes me uncomfortale.] also.....orbo got caught in the crossfire and he god DEMONIZED over a headcanon. [i like the headcanon but holy scales guys..chill on the ball dude a bit?] I think the ships main problem is it caught on so fast that it attracted some really bad crowds and since scarab is a very new charecter to the adventure time universe, any solo enjoyment of him was swept away in favor of shipping him with prismo.,,,,,,,speaking of prismo...so many artists in this community will WHITEWASH his ass also this....community has a problem with exposing nsfw content to minors. granted this is an issue ive only seen on twitter but in the begining of pwish getting popular i'd check the scarab tag like evrey few hours [yeah i....i love this man.] and withought FAIL i'd get what i dub "scarab pussy jumpscared" because artists would not know how to tag their porn. Eventually the pwish commuity came up with a seperate tag for their nsfw BUT THEY'D STILL TAG THE CHARECTER'S NAMES EXPOSING ANYONE LOOKING FOR JUST PRISMO OR JUST SCARAB CONTENT TO BUG VAGINA. its a lot more laxed here on tumblr ive noticed but hough was it BAAD on twitter. It just makes me sad scarab really lacks the attention he deserves, instead being cast aside to be ship fodder....... anyways before i end this LONG rant i would like to enter into the PERSONAL INTERPRETATION ZONE!!!

[disclaimer this is all my personal viewing of prismo ad scarab as charecters, if somebody reading this views them in a different way that is fine by me !!] Ok...so personally i don't...... see pwish working even if it did happen, i like the idea of them being exes and even qpps in the future [in...in lymanlore they become close friends i just don't like mentioning it in fear of my thoughts being taken as me shipping them when i DON'T scarab is married to lyman in this universe get out of my HEAD.] i just see these two ending up very bad for eachother with prismo being very depressed after jake's death i don't...think dating a man with no idea how to show sympathy as a rebound is healthy. scarab is his own bundle of issues and despite me being his husband i don't think kiss kiss will fix it </3 ALSO WHOEVER YOU ARE..WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU ARE ANON FEEL FREE TO DM ME ABOUT THIS I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY DISDAIN FOR PWISH.

[zorkaya-moved]

been thinking about my "love" meta that I'll write in the next two days but...

zarina wants to devote herself to someone, she wants to find that one person, she wants love, she wants to experience it, she wants to find someone who will love and accept her wholly even if her unhealthy parts also come into play. but the problem comes from her having a hard time creating meaningful and true connections because she is lying, because she's an actress, because she's a survivor and because she knows that her truer personality isn't as attractive as her bubbly persona to many people, it's not as inviting. but not only that, she /has/ to choose to care as well. she first has to let the person in and then find out she cares for them. and her 'choice' when it comes to her apathy is what essentially ruins her. it's still controlled, but she wants to experience the love that isn't controlled; that just happens. the attraction that happens when she didn't expect to fall so hard. but when it does? she is happy. she is happy because she can experience love and it means she is still human. love is an emotion that she sees as separating mindless beasts (lost, alone, abandoned, avoided, betrayed) from humanity, love is an emotion that she treasures far more than anyone would ever expect when she surrounds herself in the mists of lust. lust is an escape, an attraction, an imitation of intimacy she truly longs for.

that's why even if she falls in love and it's unrequited, she is still delighted because.. they proved to her she's still a human. but if the feelings are mutual? zarina can be both the healthiest person to have a romance with but also, of course, have her very unhealthy moments that come with her true nature of a possessive beast, I didn't call her or victor 'dragons' for no reason in terms of their behavior. but yeah. zarina yearns to love someone and to have someone love her, she longs for that deep connection, she wishes for that tie. she wants to have an emotion that won't freeze and shatter, she wants to experience that emotion that will be unpredictable and strong. so strong that even becoming a beast will no longer be a fear to have because for that one person she'll bring the world to its knees.

and that is also why she is patient when she is in love. that's why she is not afraid to wait, to listen, to try and learn to understand. both selfishness and selflessness play a big role when she falls in love. her gaze lingers, her smile becomes softer, her winters are fluffy snowflakes instead of raging winds and ice falling from the sky. that is why when she is in love, even if it's outside of her capabilities or outside of her zone (such as emotions or true genuine romance), she is patient and careful... even though she is also yearning, hungry, and wanting. and that's where her awful side comes out in terms of 'if you want me gone, I will be gone the next minute.' but she would still look after her s/o. but the moment they want her gone, she won't hesitate to leave their life... because she wants them to be happy and safe, she doesn't want to fully chain them as a human but as a possessive beast she wants it so badly. she is territorial and possessive but she also wants to make sure her lover is happy. that's what she holds back: the intensity of her love.

[candles-inthewoods]

INTRO & WARNINGS

Hello there, my name is Rosemary. I use she/her pronouns. I'm over 18 (23 y/o), but this is not a typical NSFT blatant explicit blog.

This is a side-blog for curating content that reminds me of The Gothic. Specifically Gothic Romances, with a heroine lead. Fucked up coming-of-age tales, with a fantastical, dramatic and historical edge to them. This blog will include unnerving themes and imagery, so please leave if you're sensitive for your own benefit.

This is a side-blog, so I will not be able to be mutuals or start conversations. If you'd like to get in touch with me, do send me an ask! And if you'd like to talk more, I'll reach out to you through my personal account.

CW List, Tag Directory and Media Inspo after the cut.

LIST OF SENSITIVE TOPICS

abduction, blood, cannibalism (#devour), excessive/ gratuitous violence, gore, psychological torment, supernatural monsters and elements, unhealthy + toxic relationships, etc

These topics will not be tagged individually.

You are strongly advised to leave this blog if you are uncomfortable with these topics.

You are responsible for your experience on Tumblr. I cannot physically stop you from following so it's your judgement for your own sake.

TAG DIRECTORY

#actual advice — The Gothic explores and highlights human flaws and points of conflict. But they say a character flaw is just a character’s strength taken too far. A trait in reverse. So, if you reverse all of these constructive, helpful observations and just see them from another angle… these keys to recovery end up as destructive tragedies. And Gothic stories are often the biggest tragedies there are.

#art — artwork that depicts the aesthetic.  

#analysis — posts that are serious insights into tropes and stories. Analyses and academic papers and such.

#board — collages, mood boards, web weaves, gif sets

#characters — characters and the interactions between them

#costume — fashion of the aesthetic

#gothic heroine shit — Active and angsty female leads, instead of dream-like feeble female leads. Byronic she-bastards. themes of self-discovery and independence

#gothic pulp — Artwork from the Women-Running-Away-From-Houses era of Gothic literature. Art style ranges from the 1940s to the 1970s.

#holy — these posts specifically include religious themes and imagery.

#ingenue things — the idea of pure innocence and naivety and kindness and sympathy. brutes who become enamoured and possessive over damsels. ideas of corruption and escapism

#mine — My own posts… both serious and silly.

#people — images of figures that would be at home in this aesthetic.

#places — images of various estates, castles, forests, churches and other similar scenes.

#poetry — various quotes, translations and poems.

#prompt — ideas, prompts and plots that can make for interesting stories in this genre

#prose — relatively longer snippets of fiction

#recs — recommendations for any works in this genre (typically films or novels)

#writing help — how to write a better story or better characters.

#yearning — shitposts that poke fun or straight-up idealize the Gothic

FOOLERY

🌘 a pearl from the pile: a random post from this blog

🌘 what haunts your heart: asks that i've answered

🌘 the cultural touchstone of our generation: a personal list of (tv) tropes that fascinates me

🌘 how to navigate tags on desktop

MEDIA INSPO

🕯️ Candyman (1996) 🕯️ Corpse Bride 🕯️Crimson Peak 🕯️ Curse of Strahd 🕯️ Ghost (the band) 🕯️ Hannibal (2019) 🕯️ Haunted Mansion (2003) 🕯️ Phantom of the Opera 🕯️ (tbc)

If you have any recommendations, please send them in. I'm always looking for that perfect story that captures the feeling.

[cangrellesteponme]

Hello. I just discovered your blog, and I wanted to ask you something regarding Devils and Realist. Mind you, I have never read the manga nor watched the anime. Is Dantelion a teenager or an adult? I'm asking because I've seen people ship him with William, who's 17, and from what I can gather, William seems to be a reincarnation of Dantelion's past master. I just hope that this isn't a Seb*ciel situation is all I'm saying.

Hi anon, welcome to hell, aka my blog.

I'm going to be honest with you there, it's questionable at best. I cannot give you a definitive answer on "is this ship morally acceptable?", but I want you to be able to figure that out for yourself, so I'm going to give you all of the facts as I know them. With minimal spoilers.

(However I can very easily say that this is not a Seb*ciel situation. We're not talking about p*dobait written by someone who depicts children in gross and undefendable ways at every single occasion. We're also not talking about content that can and has been used to groom children. So if your concern is about real life influences and consequences, don't worry- this is inconsequential compared to the disgusting sins of Kuro.)

So, what do we know about Dantalion/William?

Starting with the "this is weird!!" parts:

William is 17 at the beginning of the manga, and Dantalion thinks he's Solomon immediately. At that point it has already been implied (and guessed by William himself) that D and S were lovers. We never see Dantalion in his human (don't quote me on that the lore is messy) youth, and though his human form is supposedly of an appropriate age for the setting (17-18) it's barely different from his true form (yeah, the millennia-old one, which does canonically look youthful, but also if he's as scary as canon says he is I'm going to assume it's youthful as in under 30). Demons sort of canonically care more about age than physical appearance (I'm making this assumption based on Lamia. Dantalion seems to be the only one who minds.) which... complicates things. William is canonically a completely separate person (and soul) from Solomon, so yes that's a 17-18 year old, 100%.

Now the "I mean... I guess it works?" parts:

William turns 18 in the manga, and the most popular (and heavily supported by canon, with things like "Your soul should know") interpretation is that Dantalion only really likes William near the very end of the manga. You could even argue the only somewhat romantic thing between them happens in the very last chapter (but that's only if you don't count the countless moments when Dantalion misses Solomon so much William just has to witness his intense yearning). None of the romance is confirmed, the only person who's canonically attracted to Dantalion is Gilles (I refuse to add Lamia. It's depicted both too childishly and too politically to matter.) but even that is arguably not true and that's... a whole other issue I'm not going to get into right now. Makai Ouji is not a romance, the main plot is political intrigue with lots of occult BS.

And finally the "this could go either way but it needs to be considered and interpreted because it's relevant" parts:

This manga (and anime) is very queerphobic (this is not up for debate. dare question my words and I will get angry.) in many (unintentional, I think) ways and its "unapologetic" depictions of "in your face" queerness are bad (Gilles. he's so bad he makes Grelle look like good trans rep. and I love him but this is terrible.), but also it does not shy away from representing unhealthy relationships that could very much seem queer (Michael and Uriel are just one example among many). But it has always depicted Dantalion and William as healthy. (Which gave me whiplash reading the manga because Dantalion and Solomon were mutually destructive. The contrast is baffling.) All of the canon romances are m/f (Gilles/Dantalion is one-sided and only seen a few times. and again, could not be an actual thing). Lots of romantic tropes and typical subplots apply to Dantalion/William.

And my very simplified opinion (for your own peace of mind, or need to unfollow/block me):

ngl I'm just here to see Dantalion yearn for Solomon, some dead guy who never treated him right. Dantalion/William? whatever I don't fucking care I don't ship it. if you ask me (sorry if you don't get that reference), shipping them is like shipping inukag, but I was an inukyo bitch. (like sure, I could like the alive, currently canon version... but why the fuck would I? also similar age gap) I think the romantic moments are peak romance because the angst is spicy as hell. and Dantalion says the cutest shit (again, "Your soul should know" fucking haunts me, this dude wants Solomon to be there so fucking bad it's lovely and sad). but as I've said, it's technically not canon? like, even the gayest interpretation of Makai Ouji is that these hoes still don't date. honestly if Dantalion/William really bothers you it's still readable, just skip the very last page of the manga and you'll be fine? even the end isn't that bad. if you want to avoid questionable/triggering things in Makai Ouji this ship isn't what you should be worried about. worry about the homophobia, transphobia, (we're talking Kuro levels and above) issues of consent (but it is depicted as bad. there's just a lot going on.), weird amount of whiteness????, and other things. but again, it's readable, the anime is worse than the manga tho (it's really not that bad still).

[vizthedatum]

One of my deepest confessions I can make from this past year is: I don’t know why, I don’t have good reasons, I don’t even know the full context, but I do know that I have a lot of love for a person. At first I was incredibly anxious about it. My anxiousness turned into unhealthy attachment. My attachment clouded my judgement, and I shouldn’t have pursued it. However, my love for them didn’t go away. I think about them every morning and every night, no matter who I’m with or whoever else I love. I don’t think it matters if they never speak to me again - I think I can learn (and I think I’m already doing it) that simply having love for someone without expectation is okay and beautiful in its own way. I honestly think they were my muse and the catalyst to me taking a closer look at myself, and they didn’t have to do anything other than be themselves. We didn’t have a full blown relationship. I think we were just acquaintances who heavily wanted to hookup with each other. I think it was all just a fantasy. We barely knew each other. Yet I have yearned for them for almost a year and a half. I am certain I could write novels upon novels about them, in whatever genre. I used to have meltdowns over their lack of emotional reciprocation. I ended it in a bad way after writing several breakup letters over the span of three months… and asking/complaining to our mutual friend about how I should end things amicably - and then, in a moment of yet another series of life crises, I just did it rashly out of fear, grief, and heartbreak. I never admitted my feelings because I thought they were unreasonable for a connection where it seemed like they didn’t want or could even do more. Over time, I’ve felt peace in knowing that they exist. And I want to keep feeling peace, knowing that we may never interact again (even if I want to). I’m glad to have loved and be loved. I’m just glad for all of it, despite the challenges. I’m grateful to have experienced this.

[melomaniac93-blog]

Toxic Love Playlist: Songs About Unhealthy Relationships

Toxic love is a common theme in music, and many songs explore the dark side of relationships.

From jealousy and control to manipulation and abuse, toxic love can take many forms, and it's important to recognize these warning signs and avoid them in our own relationships.

With that in mind, here is a toxic love music playlist that explores some of these theme:

1. "The Cut That Always Bleeds" by Conan Gray is a song about a toxic relationship that leaves the singer by having a partner coming back for his love and hurting him by leaving again.

2. "You Broke Me First" by Tate McRae is a breakup song about a relationship that ended badly, with the singer said the song brings about "the feeling of knowing how much they meant to you, but this time not letting them back in."

3. "I Don't" by Sabrina Claudio is song about a woman who has had enough of her partner treating her unfairly and wants to go but is unable to.

4. "Break My Heart Again" by Finneas is a song about getting his heart broken for the second time by the same woman and struggling to move on from the pain and heartbreak.

5. "Love" by Daughter is a somber song that uncovers the betrayal of a lover and how it can be horribly painful.

6. "Tears of Gold" by Faouzia is a powerful song about the sacrifices we make for love, give everything a little too much knowing she will end up being heartbroken and willing to do it all over again.

7. "Arcade" by Duncan Laurence is a heart-wrenching song about lost love, and how even though we may move on, we never forget the person who stole our heart.

8. "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak is a classic song about a passionate but doomed love affair, with the singer realizing that he may be in too deep.

9. "I'm Not the Only One" by Sam Smith is a sad song about a partner who is cheating, and the about betrayal and how painful it is to live with the knowledge that your significant other yearns for another.

10. "Hate U Love U" by Olivia O'Brien is a song about the conflicting emotions that accompany a toxic relationship, with the singer feeling both love and hatred for her partner.

In conclusion, while these songs may be catchy and entertaining, it's important to recognize the warning signs of toxic love and avoid falling into these patterns in our own relationships.

Communication, mutual respect, and trust are key to building healthy relationships, and it's important to prioritize these values over the thrill of a toxic romance.

[lovablemess]

I got to move on because…

He does not want to put in the work to make the relationship work.

He sees the doom where I see opportunity for growth and evolving.

He is choosing his ego before his love.

He does not love me the way I need to be loved.

He clearly communicated he does not want me.

He sees no value in what I’m offering in his life.

Ultimately, how he is now is how he will be when I no longer serve his purpose/goal. Deactivate, stonewall, justify, then, deflect.

Commitment is important to me. Love encompasses passion, intimacy, and commitment for me.

How my partner and I ride out waves and work through issues is essential for me.

I need someone who’s conscientious and considerate. Stating observations without any thought on whether those remarks or comments can be hurtful or counterproductive to building trust is rude, cruel, and lacks empathy.

I need someone who I can partner to hold space for each other, tolerate and co-regulate discomfort, and able to work out the differences without shying away from them out of fear things may potentially go south.

I deserve to be treated with respect. No, my love deserves to be treated with respect and valued.

My energy, efforts, and kindness do not hinge on bounds of relationships and conflicts and I need to only allow those who is capable of reciprocity and mutuality of what I bring to the table in my life.

I need someone who can confront their shame and guilt with the sincerity and openness without lashing out and is mature enough to discuss POA as a team and trust that I am capable of wholly accepting and loving him.

Emotional intelligence does not equate to emotional maturity. I deserve both in a relationship.

I yearn for someone to see me, love me, and commit through thick and thin. And not misuse what he sees to talk down to me with disdain and use my vulnerability to create unbalanced power dynamic.

I need someone who sees me and my qualities as irreplaceable and valuable.

I want someone who doesn’t chalk up unhealthy behaviors to their wiring and MO and is willing to help me understand him better and love him while he learns, understands, and grows.

I need someone who is courageous and brave enough to receive love, lean into hope, and put efforts toward the work while fully knowing it’s not going to be easy. I am.

Thinking back, perhaps the reason why I struggle with this particular breakup is because I was denied of my expression and my love preemptively; the love that I feel was dismissed even to the last. I reached out to connect by expressing my concerns and issues. I shared my feelings and also that I was struggling. I wanted a break to find my way back to him. And instead of giving it the space, the time, and the effort- he turned towards protecting his ego and abruptly walked out of the relationship with “I’m done.” While I can be compassionate and sympathetic towards him reacting from his activated nervous system I also need to accept that he’s wounded and I am not what he needs and he cannot show up in his state to meet my needs. It’s sad but a reality. I remember advising my sister when she had her first breakup to not get hung up on her ex because her ex ultimately is choosing and is communicating that he likes his life better without her than her in it and that she is precious and she needs to choose a place she is appreciated and to spend time with someone who wants to be with her in spite of the occasional discomforts, distance, and disconnection that is present in all relationships. Obviously, I am wiser and much more clear when it comes to other people’s affair when I’m not clouded by my own sets of emotions.

[tuiyla]

What is it you like about Santana’s friendship with Kurt?

I have a favourite scenes post but for this I actually wanna give a more profound answer than just listing their cute scenes, especially because I don't think Glee did right by them in that their full potential wasn't explored. At all. Hummelberry and Pezberry took priority in New York and though the former is understandable and I go feral over the latter, I just think we could have had more. Here's why and here's what I like about them.

When approaching a friendship or any sort of dynamic between two or more characters, I often try to think of what they have in common, thematically, where they work as foils, how they can strengthen each other's stories and characters. And I think Kurt and Santana, both of whom have emerged as extremely popular fan favourites and arguably two of the most beloved characters even today, 7 years after Glee ended, are both so strong individually that that alone makes me yearn for a fusion, a crossroad where these two powerful stories meet. And they do! Compared to many many other New Directions friendships they actually already get a fair amount in canon, and that of course is part of why I like them. Simply put, I like their interactions and the way their individual connection balances out the Kurtcheltana dynamic. But what I see in them goes beyond New York and goes beyond what the show has given us, though it is rooted in what we're given.

Kurt and Santana are far from being two sides of the same coin (though they both parallel Dave, for example, in delicious ways) but there's something about their similarities yet the ways in which they're wildly different. They're both gay, of course, but make no mistake a baseline wlw-mlm solidarity isn't why I think the friendship they have is so fascinating. I think what elevates that is the fact that being queer is so... inalienable in both their stories.

Kurt is an underdog, one of the show’s most quintessential ones and that’s mainly because of a combo of a homophobic society and his sexuality/the way he expresses himself. He goes through hell and remains kind and brave, and crucially he’s not afraid to be himself. He comes out in episode four and after that he’s unapologetically himself even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. And yes he does have an unhealthy coping mechanism or too and does still put up a front like the rest of us but he’s true to himself.

Santana starts out on top, as Queen Bee Quinn’s second and a hot cheerleader who can make out with her best friend and still be popular - even be popular because of that. She’s loud and quite obnoxious and sure looks like she has it all, but underneath it all she’s crippling under the misery of not being true to herself and being absolutely terrified of being seen for who she actually is. She also doesn’t have a Burt; her parents do turn out to be supportive but a crucial parental figure in her life, Abuela, does not. 

And that’s not to say one has it worse than the other, hell no. And even though they make a good case study for how different gay and lesbian journeys can be, it’s not even about that. It’s about Kurt and Santana as characters going through a similar struggle in vastly different ways and finding a point of connection in that. A connection that’s unique to them, despite other queer characters also being on the show. And a connection in their personalities, too, because there Kurt and Santana also show fascinating similarities yet important differences.

Kurt has an inherent kindness, despite his occasional superiority complex that is so so important for Santana to learn from, as someone who’d really rather not admit that she isn’t such a bitch after all. But Santana has that street smart element, that eye for sketchiness and more grounded look on life as well as a vastly different perspective that Kurt can learn from. They also have a good level of mutual respect, most of the time, and can have both banter and admiration that doesn’t go to extremes like it does with Pezberry for example. They’re a fairly balanced duo where Kurt doesn’t take Santana’s shit but she doesn’t stand for his, either. Keeping it real but keeping it fun.

I also would have loved loved if Glee explored them more not just in NYC but while at McKinley. It’s a shame they didn’t get to interact more in season 2 because the Kurt-Dave-Santana storyline leading up to Prom Queen is fascinating and one of the show’s best. Kurt, upon getting the truth from Karofsky about Santana’s plans, is more impressed than horrified. “Her Lady Macbethian ways,” he says. Kurt appreciating Santana’s twisted and self-serving plan for its convolutedness and also, no matter what its intention, good results, is a fun view for him to have of her. They have that shared manipulative streak in different ways that affords the mutual respect and makes for fun interactions.

Ngl I kinda got lost in my thoughts there but... Kurtana. I like their friendship because it feels like worlds colliding but there’s no crash because it actually goes quite smoothly. Their slight cynicism but good hearts, the way Kurt is one of the few people to really see the good in Santana, but also the ways in which they call each other out. The first time I heard Kurtcheltana would eventually live together in NY was when I was watching season 1 and I was like, no way. How would Kurt and Santana work? They served such different purposes in the story, seemed rather incompatible. But going into season 4 I was looking forward to it, because by then I could see that they’re actually a pair who can find common ground relatively smoothly. And it’s not without its troubles, and I think a conflict between the two can sting really hard (cough cough 6x03, not that we wanna remember that). But like, overall? They just work, and they’re glorious. And I wish we had so much more, whether that’s casually watching TV together or helping each other through hardships they and only they have a unique understanding of.

[favberrys]

I'm bored and in a kkg brainrot mood, so i'm just gonna rant about my opinions of kakegurui ships and i will make some headcanons:

Kirasaya

Ok i had to start with them bc they're just too iconic, i think they have one of the most interesting and complex dynamics in kkg, they really got me obsessed with them, it's probably my number one kakegurui ship and the reason i started watching the show and reading the manga. Honestly yeah their relationship has some power imbalance, since sayaka is kirari's secretary, and is probably disfunctional, but contrary to what some ppl say kirasaya is not abusive, kirari never physically or emotionally abuses sayaka throughout the story. Anyway they're a 10/10, peak lesbian yearning, if they don't kiss at least one i will jump the author. Probably one of my fav ships ever, i think they're made for each other and i can't see kirasaya with anyone else, they're just so good together and their chemistry is >>>>>>

Yumary

Ok this one is kinda an unpopular opinion bc most people like yumary, but honestly i can't get invested into it, there's something in this ship that doesn't make my heart go "fuck yeah they should be gfs". Personally i don't ship yumeko with anyone bc i can't imagine her in a relationship since her main thing is being a compulsive gambler, her existence revolves around it and she forms relationships when they're useful for her gambling games. I think yumary could be friends with benefits for some time, but after a while mary would probably break it off because i don't think she can handle a sexual/romantic relationship with yumeko and after a while it would make her go nuts. A friendship between them is already messy and complicated and honestly i don't think they are compatible that way. Yes they have chemistry and there's probably some mutual attraction but to me it's a no. Also can cishet dudes stop fetishizing this ship ? My vote is 6/10, mostly bc mary doesn't seem much physically comfortable with yumeko, idk mary just seems off with her in that sense and i prefer them as gambling partners or friends.

Meariri

I honestly love this ship, especially after reading the manga, they have such an great dynamic, i think they both care about each other, they have chemistry and i think they're compatible and that their personalities compliment each other, mary is often loud and aggressive and passionate while ririka is more closed off and quiet, they're like fire and ice and this case i think the saying "opposite attract" works with them. Mary counts on ririka and i love the fact that she is so comfortable with her physically (mary is almost always the one to initiate the contact, holding her hand, touching her head, etc) and ririka gets inspired by mary to be her own person and chase her goals. Plus they're really cute together, aesthetically i find them the most attractive couple, i'll give them a solid 9/10

Itsukaede

Lmao i don't even know if this is the correct ship name for itsuki x kaede, ok i don't hate it and i think they could work as a couple, it's not my cup of tea bc m/f ships bore me, but i like their relationship, they have the kind of old married couple dynamic that always works. 6/10.

Ryomeko

I can see it happening, i don't ship it, but i don't mind it either, i'm kinda neutral about ryota x yumeko, but i think he's one of the ppl who care about yumeko the most in that academy (with also mary ofc), the ship is boring bc ryota is bland (he's a good guy don't get me wrong and he defo doesn't deserve the hate he gets) and as i said previously i don't ship yumeko with anyone. Sorry i gotta give it 5/6 out of 10

Yumedari

Ok i love midari but just like yumeko, i don't ship her with anyone bc i see her as someone who's too much unstable for relationships, but i know that canonically she loves/likes/is attracted to yumeko so i don't hate this ship, i think it's decent, the only problem is that yumeko hates midari. Still i think that since they're the most insane mfs in that school somehow this ship could work. 6/10

Yuridari

Again midari in my eyes is kinda unshippable, but this ship is not bad at all, they would have that kind of bickering married couple dynamic like itsuki and kaede, i like it but it doesn't do much for me. 7/10

Ryomary

Jsjssjsksk i looked the name of mary x ryota's ship on wiki so if it sounds weird it's bc i don't know their ship name and i have looked at the first site google gave me. This ship is hard no, mainly bc ryota is very bland and i consider mary a lesbian (i read that she is a canon lesbian but idk if it's confirmed by the author, let's say lesbian mary is just my hc) so shipping her with men feels like a hate crime to me, mary is for the girls only, 4/10.

Tsumary

They are kind of cute together right ? I think they're adorable, tsuzura is mary's first love and i think that someone like her would make mary very happy. I still haven't finished kkg twin, so my opinion on tsuzura is incompleted and it might change, i don't hate her but i find her character a little basic/boring so even though this ship is cute it doesn't make me fall in love with them. 7/10 bc probably also tsuzura had feelings for mary and they have a healthy dynamic, you can see they love each other.

Midasaya

I enjoy this crackship, i know that they both like different people but i headcanon that they were together during middle school or that midari had at least a small crush on sayaka during that time, before kirari came to hyakkaou i like to think that they explored their sexuality together so midari was probably sayaka's first kiss, her first date, etc, so they would have history together and we also see that midari knows sayaka bc her character is described through her pov during tower of doors. I find this ship pretty funny bc sayaka is always so serious and composed and midari is a ball of chaos. 7/10

Yumesaya

This is another crackship i don't mind and find hilarious, yeah i'm a huge kirasaya stan but i'm also a multishipper and sayaka deserves all the girls in the world, so the more the merrier. I like to think this ship as one sided love in which yumeko sort of pines after sayaka and i think it would be very interesting to see kirari being jeaulous that sayaka is getting yumeko's attention. We saw jeaulous/protective sayaka in kakegurui, but i would also like to see how kirari reacts when someone tries to take sayaka away from her, it would be really interesting. Obv this would create some tension between kirasaya and also between kirari and yumeko, almost a sort of love triangle dynamic. My opinion is that yumeko is just too unstable to settle down, also they both probably would get bored/lose interest in each other after the heat of the moment. 6/10

Ririsaya

Sorry but i really can't see it happening not even if i squint, but i really enjoy the ririsaya fanfictions and i think those works are pretty great even though i don't ship them very much. It would be interesting if both twins were in love with sayaka and there was some tension/coldness between them for a while bc they liked the same girl (maybe i read too many fanfictions). My headcanon is that both sayaka and ririka had a crush on each other when they first knew each other and for sayaka it was probably pretty confusing bc she already had feelings for kirari. I see them as friends, 7/10

Yumemisaori

Again idk if this is the correct name of the ship, many said that yumemi and saori are a healthier/mentally stable version of kirasaya and i agree. the dynamics are similar bc we have the secratary that is willing to do everything for her boss and the relationship is a little more balanced, i think they would be very cute together, but sadly they had very little interactions and if i could see more of them i would probably ship them even more. I like them 7/10.

Sachiko x Mary

I didn't even find a ship name for this couple, so they must be pretty unpopular, i like both characters and their antagonistic dyanamic is very interesting, but i don't ship them much bc i think mary needs/wants someone who is completely different from sachiko, who wants to make mary her pet and mary is someone who cares very much about her freedom, her indipendence and wants to make her own choices and this completely clashes with sachiko's extremely sadistic and domineering nature. I prefer them as enemies who have some sexual tension or enemies with benefits or one night stand adventure, but nothing more. 5/6 out of 10 bc the only mary ship i really love is meariri and i also like tsuzumary a bit.

Sachiko x Mikura

This is probably one of the most unhealthy relationships in kakegurui, but i kinda like it. Their dyanmic is pretty much vertical with sachiko who has all the power and makes mikuro do everything she wants and mikura who is completely obsessed and devoted to sachiko (my opinion is that she developed a sort of stockholm syndrome towards sachiko). I think that someone like sachiko could never have genuine romantic relationships bc of her extremely sadistic nature, she sees ppl like toys to break and what she enjoys the most is seeing ppl suffer, so the only compatible person with sachiko is someone extremely masochistic like mikura. Giving them a 6/7 out of 10 bc their interactions are fun/interesting and spice things up.

Rin x Ibara and Yumeko x Kirari

Hard no to both of them, i don't ship incest, yall can do what you want but personally it's a huge no for me. When i first started watching the anime at the beginning i thought yumeko and kirari had some sort of tension and could have been enemies to lovers (lmaoo i was so naive), but then i discovered they were cousins and i saw more kirasaya interactions so i got completely turned off by this ship. 3/10 to both of these ships.

Sachiko x Sakura

Now this ship is very sexy, idk why i like it but i do, yes i don't see sachiko with anyone besides mikura, but this pairing is not bad at all, even though it's a crackship. I think they would be rivals with benefits and would argue a lot and then make out/have hot sex. 7/10 (maybe it's too high but since these are just my opinions i won't be objective)

Mary x kirari

Uhm is there really someone out there who ships them ? Yeah i thought they had some sexual tension in s1 with that tea scene, but it's a no from me, i don't like it and i don't think they're compatible in any way, i can't see kirari with anyone who isn't sayaka. 4/10

[usertoxicyaoi]

[1/2] so i love codependency as a trope. the whole us-against-them, i-will-watch-the-world-burn-as-long-as-i-can-keep-you-safe thing really works for me. love it when two characters are like, i have ONE person, YOU are that person, fuck everything else. love it best when it’s acknowledged in-universe that it’s not quite healthy but they just do. not. give. a. shit. it’s my jam and i eat it by the spoonful.

so i love that akktheo are codependent, i love that akk is theo’s one and only person, i love that akk puts theo above everything and everyone else, even his own happiness, i love it because it’s 100% mutual, one is not more obsessed or more unhinged than the other, they match perfectly in their yearning and intensity. all they want is each other. all they need is each other. despite what akk thinks, theo has never and will never want anyone the way he wants akk. despite what theo fears, akk will never ever leave theo’s side unless theo himself asks it of him. they are it for each other

and yeah. some people might find it unappealing, unhealthy, toxic even. and that’s valid. codependency in real life is not romantic at all and it can be very damaging. but we all have tropes we don’t like. me? cannot stand power imbalances. not overly fond of enemy-to-lovers even though it’s probably one if not the most popular trope. but you know what? 1) no one forces me to consume content i dislike and 2) i don’t make assumptions about people based solely on the content they enjoy

[2/2] the other issue i think some people have with Enchanté is that it didn’t turn out to be what they expected. like, unlike what the trailer had led us to believe, it didn’t turn out to be a harem story where the boy lets himself be courted by his four suitors before realizing at the 11th hour that his pining bff was his One True Love all this time. i think most people were happily surprised by that. but then, some folks wanted it to be a journey of self-realization, of choosing reality over fantasy, of theo choosing akk over enchanté. but the reveal shattered all that. instead it turns out to be the story of a boy so lonely and so desperately in love that he does this one very stupid and selfish thing to keep the boy he loves by his side. and i can understand how some people would be put off by that, i do, but to me it’s chef’s kiss because friends-to-lovers is one thing. but true mutual pining? unhinged yet un-acted upon yearning? excruciating slow burn not because of contrived misunderstandings but because of a deep seated fear of losing the one person that matters the most? we don’t see that often. and perhaps for good reason, going by the many many people who find akktheo boring or frustrating or unrealistic. but me? it hits me where i live.

so anyway, this is the longest and most convoluted way to say that 1) you are not alone in your deeply unhinged love for akktheo and the equally messy and unhinged love they have for each other, and 2) you should not be made to feel bad or ashamed or guilty about it wtf. i love how much you love them because that’s how much i love them. i love coming to your blog to partake in this shared obsession. life is fucking hard, man. if these boys bring you joy and solace and a reprieve from reality then that’s great. that’s amazing. i want that for you. you fucking deserve it. - tee ♥️

hiiiiiiiii my love!!!

SHFBSICOAJ THIS ASK. CAN WE HANG THIS ASK IN THE LOUVRE.

like. HONESTLY. co-dependency like you said ISNT everyone's thing, bc it can get V V extreme sometimes. but i think the reason why i Get It with akktheo is bc ... they are CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS. they are ALL that they have. they are ALL that they have known. there's a whole other layer to it that being childhood best friends adds. and not only that. but they're NEIGHBOURS too. like. even when they dont wanna see each other, they still do. imagine being in love ... in THAT sense.

but yeah. i'm just SO glad that enchante went the way it did. i would have Not Liked it if theo had courted all 4 ambassadors and Then realised it was akk all along. by having it BE AKK as the ONLY ONE for theo from the START, where theo didnt give A Shit about any of the other 4, just makes it sooooo much more .... intense and sensical to me. like you SEE theo yearn, and then you find out he's enchante, and it hits that much more deeper. ALL THE WHILE as we see akk Go Through It too. its the pure ... mutual-ness of it all.

and i think. like. the thing is. theo in hindsight REALISES that it WAS a pretty stupid thing to do. he WASNT proud of it. there IS an acknowledgment on his part that this whole thing which was only meant to be a small in-house thing snowballed and snowballed and it spiralled. and i Love that theo .. ugh. i Love that theo is this MESSY character. i love it SO SO much bc of how it REMOVES HIM COMPLETELY from this first impression we have of him being this absolute Angel. i WANT messy. i LOVE messy.

anyway man like. idgaf what people have to say about me or anyone else liking enchante. we shouldnt be made to feel shitty or guilty about it. i'm just glad enchante isnt as Big as other gmmtv shows are bc honestly .... who needs that stress of fandom wars man when real life is So Damn Stressful as it is. so in a way im glad its lowkey and that it isnt ~everyone's cup of tea~ in whatever sense that may be (they find it boring or slow or book's french accent is bad or forcebook look too alike or that theo is a manipulative psycho or whatever). there's plenty of other shows out there to watch if you dont like enchante!

[earnestly-endlessly]

hello! do you have any fics where erik and charles are childhood best friends now in a relationship?

Hi anon, thanks for the ask. There are a fair few fics where Charles and Erik are childhood best friends and are now in a relationship but there are actually more where they are childhood best friends and end up in a relationship in the fic. So, I decided to include those in this list since it kind of matches what you're looking for.

Childhood best friends now in a relationship

Work/Life Balance - pocky_slash

Summary: As teens, Charles was the star of a super popular tween/teen television show and Erik was his best friend. As adults, they're a frighteningly domestic married couple and Alex, Darwin, and Sean are Erik's nosy co-workers.

Some Forgotten Corner of the Universe - Black_Betty

Summary: Erik remembers the boy he met on Osiris.

Charles is no longer that boy, but that doesn't mean Erik loves him any less…

A Winter in New York - nextraordinaire

Summary: Charles and Erik have been childhood friends for as long as they can remember – Erik, living with his mother in Queens, and Charles in the big mansion in Westchester. For all, expect themselves, it was just natural progression that they'd end up together.

A series of ficlets from the same universe – can be read as separate and are out of chronological order.

A Very Cherik Sleepover – Penguina

Summary: When Erik invites Charles for one of their traditional sleepovers he doesn't expect it'll turn out that way. Instead of taking the upper bunk bed as usual, Charles decides to curl up in Erik's bed with Erik to keep them warm... However, it gets a little too hot.

Something in the way you move – BrightDream

Summary: Erik and Charles have been best friends for years now, but four months ago their relationship secretly became something more.

This means that when Erik's mom leaves them alone in the house, it's their chance to figure it out just what they can do to make each other feel good, even though there are some deep insecurities that might get in the way...-

Quiet Like a Fire - kianspo

Summary: Charles has been in love with his best friend for years without realizing it. When he finally figures it out, Erik is married to a wonderful woman and has an adorable daughter, who thinks the world of Charles. Erik has the perfect life that Charles helped him build, so there is only one thing for it - get over his feelings. So what if his methods are unhealthy or if Erik has an opinion on the matter? Charles is determined to do the right thing.

Love Story - Sophia_Bee

Summary: Charles and Erik are best friends, until they're not. A love story in three parts.

Curve Fitting - kianspo

Summary: The weird thing is, Charles always introduces Raven as his sister, but he never calls Erik his brother. Erik would be bothered, except he prefers not to think of Charles as his brother, either. He can’t figure it out for four years, and then suddenly he can.

Or. A non-powered AU in which Sharon Xavier never remarries, and Charles 'adopts' not only Raven, but Erik too.

Bad things happen when you mix siblings with spite - inazumaghostking

Summary: Erik is determined to fuck Charles.

Raven is determined to stop them.

a.k.a. a sibling fight ft. two gay boys, a concerned sister, and a closet

Did You See This, Erik! - Iggysassou

Summary: "What if Charles and Erik grew up together, Charles absolutely convinced that he was the one protecting Erik and being super proud of himself for it when in reality, Erik has always secretly protected him with his powers because Charles is simply the most adorable person on Earth."

Hot Cocoa Magic – nextraordinaire

Summary: Charles takes Erik out to the skating rink. Erik has never stood on a pair of skates in his life, but it'll be easy-peasy, right?

For Us Two – aliceecrivain

Summary: Erik is five years old the first time he meets Charles in the forest outside his new home and quickly discovers the other boy is more than he appears. Despite being accidental, the event defines the course of his life in ways he never could have expected.

The two boys grow up together, mutually braving the ups and downs of adolescence, and, over time, become inextricably attached. Initially intimidated by the limits the attachment puts on him, Erik yearns to break free in spite of his own feelings, but learns with time that the connection between them is not something he can live without.

Practical Cartography - pearl_o, pocky_slash

Summary: When Charles discovers how frustrated and self-conscious his best friend Erik is about his ignorance about sex, he's eager to volunteer to help teach him and practice. Charles might not have any more direct experience than Erik, but he does have a telepath's mind full of accidentally picked-up fantasies and memories, as well as knowledge of a few dirty books - and more importantly, he's been madly in love with Erik for years. This seems like a brilliant, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that he can't pass up.

Now he just needs to manage to keep his feelings in check, and not ruin their friendship forever.

A Kiss is Just a Kiss – Penguina

Summary: Charles Xavier has always been in Erik's life. However something always gets in the way of Erik actually realizing he has feelings for this adorable dork who was so obviously crushing on him since high school. Until one day, years after their first kiss, Erik finally understands what that feeling he always had for Charles really was! But is he too late? Did he miss his chance to tell Charles 'I love you'? It's been years and did Erik really think Charles would wait for him his entire life?

You and Me Against the World – madmalina

Summary: One important thing to remember: this is a love story.

Twenty years and two lifetimes later. Just two boys learning to mutant, grow up, and love each other.

Wicked Game - obstinatrix, seutedeern

Summary: Erik's reputation as a defender of the weak in elementary school isn't undeserved. He wouldn't have expected a Xavier to fall into that category, but it seems that other people don't see Charles the way Erik does, as a warm, lovely person who should be protected. As the years draw on, Charles and Erik become best friends, inseparable. Everything is perfect, platonically ideal, until it isn't.

Believe (One More Time) – luninosity

Summary: For the prompt, Charles and Erik dated during college and had a bitter break-up right before graduation. It's five years later and they both meet again at their class's reunion for a weekend. Someone was even stupid enough to have them room with each other for the weekend…

If We Met Differently – swoopswoop

Summary: Erik wasn't the only mutant 'taken in' by Shaw, Erik learns this the hard way when a new mutant is dropped into his cell. They manage to escape together, but things aren't all roses after that. Erik has a score to settle and needs to make sure Charles is safe.

With pulses that beat double – aesc, pearl_o

Summary: It has been thirteen years since Charles watched his beloved childhood companion walk out of his life. Now, in fin-de-siècle Paris, a chance overheard remark may lead them to each other's sides once more.

Change is Constant – Black_Betty

Summary: Erik and Charles knew each other in high school, might have even called themselves friends. At their ten year high school reunion, Erik realizes how much has changed.

There is No Future Without You – EnchantedPhoenix

Summary: Charles and Erik were friends when they were children - Until certain circumstances tore them apart. Many years later, when Erik moves to England so that he can study at Oxford University, he certainly doesn't expect to run into his childhood friend again. In fact, he doesn't expect any of the events that follow.

The Cost of a Good Man – archipelago (arcanewriter)

Summary: Erik and his mother flee Europe before the advent of the war to live on the Xavier estate. Charles never questions their good fortune, or his own.