#uni is coming up and I’m trying to get some stuff done

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi :) i hear you give advice and i very much need some. I’m 15 and I live in a pretty (very) conservative christian area.

My older sibling is 19, and came out as trans to me like a year ago. Ngl I didn’t really know what that meant, cause we don’t learn about that stuff (except for your classic, anything that isn’t “normal” is wrong). But he just told me that he’s happier with he/him and with his new name. But he hasn’t told our parents yet, so I have to use the old stuff in front of them when he comes back for visits (he’s as uni) which feels gross cause I know he feels uncomfortable but it’s fine. 

I sort of thought the he/him thing would be weird, since that’s not how i’ve addressed him my whole life, but after a couple of months it was actually super easy. We call each other like twice a week, and I was worried we’d drifted apart after he told me but actually were closer than ever, I feel like I know him a lot better now. 

Oh but his old name, the one parents gave him, SUCKS. And now I can’t mock him for it cause he picked a new one, which seems unfair to me but I can come up with new material, i’m creative.

Anyway, he told me that he’s been saving up and he’s gonna get top surgery. He’s had a pretty good job since  school so I guess he’s been saving since then. I hear it’s expensive. 

But it made him decide to tell our parents. So when he came up and visited, just before he left, he told them.

That was last week. They reacted terribly, as we knew they would. And they’ve both been yelling about it a bunch. Saying stuff like “He (okay no they’re actually using she but I won’t be doing that even in writing cause it feels wrong cause it’s my brother) is totally insane” or “He needs therapy, we failed him.” or “How dare *old name* do this” or “he’s delusional” and a bunch of other awful shit like that.

So I have two options. I can try and encourage them to do little things like use he/him for my brother. Or call him their son instead of daughter. Or actually look at photos of him now (he very much doesn’t look like a girl anymore- idk how they didn’t realise tbh). Or how he always did little things like cutting his hair and hating dresses and other stuff like that.

I’ve often been able to help my parents be nicer about stuff. Like my friend who’s a lesbian, they hated her at first but now they’re nicer about it.

But maybe if I do that they’ll start yelling about corrupting me (as they’ve done in the past) and harass my brother worse and be even worse about it all. 

It’s hard to know which direction it’ll go.

And look I still don’t really get it. But also it makes sense, you know? It’s like the final puzzle piece being slotted in, all those things he used to do make sense now. 

My parents say I can’t interact with lgbtq+ stuff cause they’ll corrupt me. But like- not to be rude but, aren’t they corrupting me? My brother HAPPY. I don’t see how that’s wrong. And they’re the ones telling me I should be actively encouraging him to be- what, sad again? Uncomfortable in himself. 

I don’t know, i’m not totally sure I understand my parents or my brother. I got tumblr in the first place since it’s the only thing I could think of that’s online (so I could hide it) and probably has lgbtq+ people on it so I could- idk get used to it I guess. 

And now i’m here. 

When it comes down to it, I want my brother to be happy, and if he’s happier as my brother than my sister then I don’t see why I should care about him switching pronouns or whatever. 

So I want to try and help my parents see it like that too. And they often do see new sides to things when I point them out. So maybe id be helping.

But there’s also the chance they’d get more mad at my brother for corrupting me and that’d make him upset and that’s not what I want. 

So yeah, any advice? 

It’s kinda scary coming from my small town onto the giant internet of people i’ve been taught are weird. But you guys don’t seem that weird. I mean- you do but weird like i’m weird, not weird like ill. (Sorry if any of this seems rude btw, I might not get it but i’m trying really hard not to judge anyone, since it’s pretty clear to me that some of the things i’ve been taught aren’t correct). 

Also why do my parents think my brothers ill anyway? I know him, i’d know if he’s ill. Also i love history, and trans people are all over history. I mean they’re never said to be trans but watching my brother, it’s pretty obvious other people were like him. 

Anyway, thanks and have a good summer 💖

Hi hon!

I want to tell you, it sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders and you're an amazing support to your brother. You should be so proud of yourself.

I think you need to think about what is best for you and your mental health. If speaking up to your parents about your brother could end in them getting mad at you, it might not be a good idea. You've been doing amazing at supporting him while staying quiet, and I know he knows you support him. It might be best for yout o quietly educate yourself online without making a fuss, until you aren't relying on your parents as much for money, food, and shelter- kind of like your brother did.

This also might be a good thing to talk to your brother about, too. Like you said, this could affect him, and he probably knows your parents well. He might have some good advice <3 But you don't HAVE to stand up to them if it's not good for you. It's okay to educate yourself, and be an ally in other ways <3

Naming you history anon <3

(also wish your brother luck on his top surgery for me!)

[lnfours]

hiii do u still take reqs? if so can u write one about intern!reader in stark industries and they bump to each other in the lab being like omg what r u doing here arent u in most of my classes in uni stuff like that and hes surprised that she got to fixed spiderman’s web shooters when he couldnt figure it out himself 😭 just sum cute getting closer and closer stuff :((((( tysmmm 🩷🩷

ANON THIS IS SO CUTE MY HEART IS BURSTING

inbox 💌

you wandered into the lab early that morning, wanting nothing more than just to get ahead on some new projects. what you didn’t expect was someone else sitting in the lab when you walked in. he almost spooked you, almost made you drop your cup of coffee.

“oh, sorry,” he chuckled, “didn’t mean to scare you. i didn’t know anyone else was coming in today.”

you shook your head, eyes moving towards what he was working on on the metal table in front of him, “it’s okay, i don’t mind sharing.”

he smiled softly, but your eyes scanned his familiar features. you pulled your eyebrows together, trying to rack your brain on where you’ve seen the boy before.

“you look familiar,” you said, “do i know you?”

he smiled, “i got to empire state, we have a few classes together.”

you pressed your palm against your forehead, feeling like an idiot, “that’s right! you’re peter, right?”

he nodded, “yeah. you’re y/n y/l/n, right?”

you smiled and nodded. the two of you started to work on your projects, low music playing in the background. the small talk continued about class.

however, you couldn’t help but notice what he was working on. it looked like he was struggling a little bit, cursing under his breath as he dropped the screw driver.

“i don’t have enough caffeine in me for this right now.” he joked and you sent him a small smile.

“need some help?” you wondered and he looked over at you with a soft smile.

“i mean, you’re busy-“

“no, it’s okay, i’m almost done,” you smiled, rolling your chair over to his table, “woah, what’s all this?”

“a new design i’ve been working on for web-shooters,” he said, “this design is supposed to have upgraded cartridges that can hold more web fluid, that way they’re not running out all of the time.”

you nodded, “i’ve seen tony work on something like this before. he said it was for spider-man, i think.”

he let out a shaky breath. should he tell you? no, you’re just a stranger to him.

“yeah, i help spider-man, uhm, design things.”

you nodded, impressed, “that’s cool.”

he nodded back, “yeah, very cool.”

you examined the web shooter, pointing out some of the things he should change to make it work. the two of you began working, he handed you some of the parts as you screwed them in.

after an hour of tinkering, you handed him the upgraded device with a smile, “give that a shot.”

he inserted the newly improved web cartridge. you watched as his fingers moved to press the button in the middle of his palm, the web shooting out and sticking to the wall nearby. you bit down on your bottom lip, shaking your head at the thoughts.

“wow,” he smiled, “that worked! it totally worked! you’re a genius.”

you smiled, “just here to help.”

he offered to help with your designs, some new arrows for clint and kate. the two of you made some more small talk.

“so, when did you start interning?” he asked.

“a couple weeks ago,” you said, twisting the arrowhead onto the shaft, “what about you? how’d you land that spider-man gig?”

he shrugged, “friend of a friend.”

you nodded, “that’s still pretty cool.”

he nodded, watching as you worked. he was in awe of you. he had been ever since you answered one of the hardest questions in class.

“how would you,” he started softly, his nerves getting the best of him as he cleared his throat, “would you like to, uhm, get coffee or something sometime?”

you smiled, “yeah, i’d really like that.”

the two of you looked up as the door to the lab closed, tony smiling as he walked inside.

“spider-boy, i see you’ve met the newest brainiac, y/n.”

your eyes widened a little as peter stiffened, you looked over at him.

“wait, you’re spider-man?”

great. thanks tony.

[octuscle]

Hey I need some support. I live with mates and they’re all very into the gym and I’m not as into it. They keep trying to get me to come with them to the gym since I’ve gained a little weight at uni and lost my abs. Problem is I’d rather just stay home and watch tv. Also, I don’t understand what they mean with macros and WOD and HIIT stuff it just makes no sense to me. I wish I could just focus on that stuff and understand them better.

You go to the gym with your friends rather listlessly. Today there are both WOD and HIIT classes. You check it out. It looks incredibly strenuous. And the participants in the classes look pretty darn fit too…. Still, something distracts you… Sounds like you're in a blacksmith shop. Blows from iron to iron. And loud groans. You follow the sounds. They become louder. A strange smell is in the air. Musk. Sweat. And iron. The free weight area in the gym. The place where the big beefcakes work out. You pick up a dumbbell. Damn heavy. But that smell of iron. Electrifying. You start with barbell curls. One of the beefcakes comes up to you. He asks you if it's the first time in your life you've held a barbell. At least it looks like it. And laughs. You say that you are actually doing something like this for the first time. Fuck, says the bodybuilder. He wouldn't have thought that. You'd be really well built for that. He gives you a few tips and says goodbye after a few minutes with a fist bump. When you're done with the curls, you do a double biceps pose. Fuck, yeah! The training pays off. Next up, dips for the triceps. With an iron chain as an extra weight. Your groans join the chorus of your gym buddies. You've been here every day for five years. If you don't like the noise, go somewhere else.

Thank God you have time today. On bad days, you have to finish your workout after two hours. Today you even have time to give tips to a few newbies. Or to have a chat with one or the other bruh. Suddenly it gets loud. One of these classes is over. Pilates, yoga, HIIT or some shit like that. The wretched crossfitters. Nobody needs them… But you can hardly tell that to your pals from college…. After all, it's thanks to them that you started training in the first place…

Fuck, you've been addicted to the gym for over ten years. Long before you even started college…. Eh, before you started working as a backhoe driver. College! Absurd thought. Takes up too much time that you can't spend at the gym. That would really suck!

Pic found @truevikingblood-blog

[milawritesstuff]

hiii please write some pedri angst with a happy ending like they have this big fight and the reader leaves but the next day at training while talking with gavi he realizes how much he needs her and goes to find her thank uu

A/N: I have so many ideas and sometimes I can’t get anything in writing so I just start to write and hope the story takes form. This is one of those stories. Hope you like it.

Warnings: none

•••

You sat At Pedri’s table going through your textbooks trying to suck up as much information as possible. You had been studying all day at his house while he played video games in the living room. You had taken a quick lunch break and then gone right back to your books.

As you turned the page you heard Pedri’s footsteps and then felt his arms go around your waist from behind. He gave you a kiss on your cheek and then rested his chin on your left shoulder.

“When are you going to be done? I’m bored” he said.

“Pedro, I told you I’m really nervous about this test. In fact I don’t know how I’ll be able to sleep tonight I am so stressed out.”

He began to leave small kisses on your neck and as much as you wanted to give in and close shut your textbooks you knew what your priority was. You let him leave a few more kisses as you reached for your phone, which had been sitting face down on Pedri’s table all afternoon, only to realize it was already 10pm. “Oh my god Pedri. I have to go home. It’s already so late and my test is early tomorrow morning.”

“Are you kidding me?” He growled as he let go of you and began to pace around the dinning room. “Im sorry, are you mad?” You asked as you packed up your stuff and sensed a bit of annoyance in his tone. “You spent all day just sitting here with those books Y/N. What was the point of you coming over? For that rushed lunch?”

“I’m sorry Pedro but I wouldn’t have been able to see you at all today if I hadn’t studied. This is a very important tests and I’m really nervous.”

“I know, you’ve said it a million times already.” He spat back. You stood there dumbfounded because Pedri had never talked to you that way. You decided to ignore him and started to walk towards the door. You had so much to deal with and you would deal with him another day.

At least that was your plan until Pedri couldn’t keep quiet. “Why do you even care anyway? We’re gonna get married and you won’t need to work. I’m going to take care of you.”

His words stopped you dead in your track “That’s your plan?” You asked him.

“It’s not yours?” He asked almost surprised.

“I’m not some gold digger, Pedro.”

“That’s not how I meant it.”

“Then how did you mean it?”

He stood there in silence.

“I just don’t know why you spend all day studying. I can’t even see you sometimes when I have my days off because you’re at uni. I could have gone out with my friends today instead of being stuck inside just waiting for a second of your time.”

You wanted to walk out of his apartment and just go home but your pride got in the way, like always. You couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. He knew how proud you were of your achievements and it really pissed you off that he seemed not to care at this moment.

“So I should just drop everything when Mr Pedro Gonzalez has some time for me?” You ask. “What about when you leave for days with the team. I’m just supposed to be sitting here waiting for you to come back home and kiss the floor you walk on?”

“I leave for work. My job is the team. My job is what’s going to pay our bills.” He explained.

You scoffed. “Your job isn’t more important than my school Pedro. And your career isn’t going to pay my bills, I am.”

You turned around and began to walk towards the door. When your hand made contact with the doorknob and you began to twist it you heard Pedri. “If you walk out right now, it’s over.”

His words crushed you. You didn’t dare turn around. You knew this wasn’t just from today. The two of you had been digging at each other for weeks. He had been gone for a few weeks with the national team and when he came back you had been consumed with your studying. When you finally got some free time his family had been in town and he hardly had any time for you. Everything had been so fast paced lately and you yearned for some quality time with your boyfriend but you had come to the realization that this would be your life if you stayed with him. His career was just starting and even if you two got married and had kids he would still be gone on trips frequently and his career would always have to come before yours.

You gulped as you felt a tear fall from your eye making its way down your cheek and towards your chin. “I thought I had made it clear we were over Pedro when I said your career wasn’t going to pay my bills.” You finished turning the knob of his front door and walked outside.

You half hoped he would come running behind you and pull you back in. Telling you he was sorry and didn’t mean anything. You also half hoped he would not do that. That he would let you walk out of his life like this and the two of you would never have to turn back. And as you took another step and didn’t hear his footsteps behind you, you knew which option Pedri had chosen. And it killed you.

The next morning Pedri was in a bad mood. He had a bad practice and as he and his teammates walked back to the locker room he looked at his phone. He had hoped to get a message from you but of course he hadn’t. And he knew it too because you weren’t one to say sorry first. He took out his clothes and closed his locker. He stood there and punched the door.

“Hey, hey what’s going on?” Said his friend Gavi who was now next to him.

“I think I fucked it up with Y/N.” He said.

“What happened?”

“We broke up last night.” He said.

“What? But didn’t we just go look at rings for her?” Asked Gavi surprised.

“Maybe I was wrong Pablo. Maybe she’s not the one.”

“But you’re clearly upset Pedro. If she wasn’t the one you wouldn’t be acting like this.” Gavi talked some sense into his friend. “Tell me what happened?”

Pedri went on to tell his friend what happened the night before. He thought Gavi would be on his side but he was wrong. “I can’t believe you told her that.” Said Gavi.

“Excuse me, aren’t you my friend? Why are you taking her side?”

“Because you’re a dumbass.” Said Gavi. “How could you say that to her?”

“I was annoyed. She has been paying more attention to uni than to me.”

“What if she had told you that your career didn’t matter?” Asked Gavi. “She can’t say that.” Spat Pedri back.

Gavi rolled his eyes. “You have a problem my friend. You either show her some respect or actually if you’re going to act like this just leave her alone.”

Pedri couldn’t go home that afternoon because he was just thinking about you. He ended up driving around the city until he reached the port. He parked his car and began to walk around thinking of a way to say sorry to you. Finally he sat on a bench and made the dreaded call.

Y: hello?

P: I’m sorry.

Y: Pedro, I don-

He interrupted you.

P: I’m sorry for being an asshole. I want you to know that I - I’ll take care of you if want to. If you don’t then I won’t. But I still want to be with you.

You laughed.

P: But I - I love you Y/N. Can we please forget about last night?

Y: Pedri, I’m also sorry. I just, I miss you so much and we have been fighting on and off and I’m stressed with my exams. Maybe I overreacted.

P: Can we just forget about last night?

Y: Please.

P: Can I come pick you up?

Y: Yes.

[milaswriting]

Conversations with an Empath [a short story]

⇢ An insight into A and B’s friendship, and B pushes A to have a chat about their feelings… and guess who’s at the centre of A’s feelings? Hint, it’s you.

Happy birthday to my darling demigod/dess!

Ignore that this has been posted so late, uni has burned me out and fried my brain but I’m so happy I managed to get this drabble done during all the uni chaos.

Feel free to send any asks about A, and I hope you enjoy this drabble. I think it’s cute that the most emotionally unavailable ro has a good friendship (& conversation) with (one of) the most emotionally available ros.

Hope you enjoy.

Half of four is two. And two can be whittled down into one. The latter is what A likes best: being by themselves, in a sense of comfort and calm… but, then again, two isn’t terrible.

The concept of you and A wouldn’t be so terrible, but those are thoughts they have to keep to themselves. The same thoughts they keep at bay when they’re around anyone. Including B who’s one of their closest friends.

“I invited you because I didn’t think you’d actually come to my place,” is what B said when A walked through the door to their apartment.

“I can turn around and leave,” A replied with honesty but B gently clutched their wrist and pulled them in further before they even had the chance.

Their friendship is an odd one, to say the least. You couldn’t pair two supernaturals that are more opposite than one another. They’re day and night, chalk and cheese, a demigod/dess and a werewolf. But they still work magnificently. It’s a friendship of bright eyes, lopsided smiles, the knowing glances only the two of them can understand; and although A doesn’t say it often; you and their friends is something they’re grateful for.

There’s a mug of coffee on the table for A, and B takes a seat opposite them. There’s a thought floating around in the werewolf’s mind, and they can’t decide whether to tread carefully and say what’s on their mind.

After a sip of coffee, A makes the decision for them. “Spit it out, B. You look ready to explode.”

B’s eyebrows furrow. “Rude.”

“But true?”

“Yeah,” B mumbles after a pause. “True.”

A rests back in their seat. “Go on then.”

Tread carefully… “You seem different.”

A blinks a few times before they tilt their head at B’s words. “Like… emotionally different? A good different?”

B’s an empath, if there’s any change they can sense in anyone it’s all down to feelings, and emotions. “Exactly that!” B laces their fingers together.

“Is it overwhelming for you?” A asks concerned.

“No, it’s fine!” B exclaims, the hint of a smile on their lips and they feel themselves getting somewhere. “I just wanted to see if you’re up for talking about it.”

A humorous scoff escapes A before a smirk is visible. “It’s what we’re doing now, isn’t it? You should consider yourself lucky. This is the most anyone’s gotten out of me for a while.”

A doesn’t say that stuff lightly. B knows that; so much so that they really do feel honoured to be in A’s (very) inner circle.

“I don’t know,” A mumbles. “Everything seems calm and chilled out. You know, the LIS is okay, no one’s actively trying to harm or kill us, so…”

B’s top lip quirks upwards. “Way to make this morbid.”

“You wanted honest,” A snorts.

“I sort of hoped you’d talk about the person who’s made you feel happier,” B replies.

If there’s anything that could cause a wave of worry and silence to engulf A, it’s a statement like that. A statement about you has them doing that. They debate whether to say anything, or whether to let B push and dig. And if that happens, then A would probably pour their their now-cold coffee down the sink and avoid the conversation altogether.

But A decides against that.

“I—“ A interrupts themselves before sucking in a breath. “Sure, I guess.” Those rush of words don’t make sense. “I mean, they’re around us most of the time now,” they say about you. “If you get used to someone, shouldn’t they have some kind of effect on your emotions?”

B nods. “Yeah,” they whisper, cautious they’ll interrupt the only heart to heart they’ll probably have with A this year. “How do they make you feel?”

Irritation. Annoyance. Confusion. Fear. Longing… potentially more than that??

A clenches their jaw. “A lot,” they eventually blurt out. “Too fucking much if you’re able to sense it all.”

B chuckles, and though there’s another statement and set of questions on their lips, the pure look of uncertainty on A’s face tells them to hold back.

“I’ll make you more coffee.”

A’s lips purse together. “I don’t just live on coffee, you know.”

But B’s already laughing their way into the kitchen, which gives A a chance to stay with their thoughts, emotions and everything in between that.

You are the person in between that.

Yet A’s already shaking their head to rid themselves of the thoughts of you.

Maybe talking this out with B was a good thing…

Or maybe not considering they’re even more confused than they were before.

All these feelings are a wild ride…

[andipxndy-writes]

meet the writer: aj

(a.k.a. my writeblr intro, done properly)

heya!! i’ve had this blog for a while now, but i realised i haven’t ever actually done a proper intro on here, so here it is!! (also did i want the opportunity to make an aesthetic of myself??? absolutely. image made in canva and portrait on the left is from picrew, all other images were taken from unsplash)

my name is aj (she/her pronouns pls)!! i’m 26, black, and i live in the uk. i graduated from uni 3 years ago and currently work in lab admin, but i’ve been doing creative writing for 10+ years!! i’m currently trying to get back into reading by reading a book a month (i usually share the book i’m reading in the sidebar of my main blog, which i follow back with as this blog is a sideblog: @andipxndy), and i write a variety of fanfiction and original works (both based off my own characters and those i currently/have rp’d with in the past). i also take requests for fanfiction, which you can read about below the cut or in this post (i’ve made some changes which mean the post is not relevant atm)!! but in general i love being asked questions about my WIPs and my characters and basically any characters i write, because i love delving into character thoughts and doing character development (so please send me some!!).

this blog started off as a way for me to share my fanfiction writing, which is how i got into writing in the first place and how i came to love it, but now i’m wanting to expand some more share/talk about some of my original works too!! i write ya sci-fi in my original stuff, but i’m known to drift into romance, action-comedy and crime when it comes to fanfiction works. i’m also over on ao3 as andipxndy.

my main fanfic writing fandoms are abbott elementary and alex rider, just to keep things managable, but i also enjoy watching ncis, criminal minds and lockwood & co., and sometimes dive back into old favourite animes (k-on!! is my current anime obsession). i may be slow to write or respond to stuff but i DO enjoy diving into discussing fandom stuff too!! i also like playing video games like sims 4 (ea is a money grab pass it on) and cities skylines, and enjoy dnd and rping with friends!!

before this intro gets too long, here are my main WIPs:

power play (1st draft completed, left to stew)

the first original wip i planned, the story is intended to be part of a 5-book series about a 20-year-old who accidentally gives himself powers, and ends up drawn into the science underground whilst trying to save people that he may or may not have also accidentally given powers. and all whilst trying to appear completely normal to his mum and get a summer job whilst home from university.

the crossover (still working on 1st draft, is my main/november nano project)

this is an adaptation of an old rp au i had with one of my closest friends, adjusted to have new, original characters despite the same plotline. it follows a 17-year-old girl as she’s accidentally transported into a parallel universe, where her parents aren’t her parents and she doesn’t exist. in an attempt to get home, she ends up crossing paths with the people who are meant to be her family, and finds out that they’re all superheroes. insert drama and shenanigans here.

the rich life: a modern bourgeoise au (working on 1st draft, is my camp nano project)

a passion project that i’m completing for my rp partners, this au is split into a 3-book series following the lives of our characters in the upper class, those who work for them, and eventually their children, going through the drama of their lives and how they try so hard not to have it all end up in the press. that obviously doesn’t work.

fanfiction fics and requests (ongoing but this is technically a wip)

technically counts as a wip as i have a backlog of fics in progress to write and share for requesters (and some ideas i’ve had myself), but these are mainly either alex rider or abbott elementary fanfics that have been sent in via ask. you can see extra info below the cut after the next paragraph. my requests are currently closed, and i’m working through my backlog. the request(s) active for the forseeable future are:

will you be my maybe? - an abbott elementary fanfiction (gregory x janine - injury + fake dating)

anyway, this is all i’ve got for now!! i do take part in things like nanowrimo and camp nanowrimo, so if anyone takes part in those too i look forward to writing alongside you!! other than that, that’s about it!! i’ll be sharing snippets of my work, and maybe eventually you’ll even get aesthetics eventually!! i’ve you’ve read this far, i applaud you, but thank you so much for reading!! i’d love to get to know more writers on here, both inside and outside of fandom spaces, so please feel free to jump at me and send me asks and messages and stuff!!

~ aj xxx

(for more info on fanfiction stuff, read below the cut:)

i’ve been writing fanfiction for over 10 years, and as something so dear to my heart i can’t let it go - it’s helped me to develop my writing and character development skills!! i have, however, grown in the fandoms i write, so please see below for more info:

I WRITE FOR:

alex rider

abbot elementary (more specifically, gregory x janine. i ship only those two. with my whole heart.)

fics getting to know my original characters (oneshots)

(i realise that this is significantly cut down, but i have other projects in mind that require more of my time and can no longer spend as much time on requests!! for this, i apologise!!)

GENRES WRITTEN (not completely restricted):

family/friendship

romance

hurt/comfort

action/adventure

IMPORTANT TO NOTE:

MY REQUESTS ARE NOW CLOSED

all fanfics will be cross-posted to ao3

please give me up to a month to get fics written and posted - if not done within a month, feel free to message me about it [please DO NOT pester me about it] - i work and am also writing original things, so do not always have the time

i preferably write oneshots, though the occasional multi-chap will appear - a fic ends up longer, well, it happens 🤷🏾‍♀️

i am a rambler so you are almost always guaranteed a longer fic

please try not to give me word count limits or specifications on fics - they are discouraging

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[justatypicalwizard]

Wants Within | S. Shinazugawa | Chapter 31

✦ Sanemi Shinazugawa x femReader!, college au, reader is adult

✦ Synopsis: You're a college student taking classes with a very strict lecturer- professor Shinazugawa. Because of an unfortunate event you got on his bad side so now you're trying everything to regain in his eyes. Well, you most certainely didn't expect that kind of attention.

✦ Word count: 2,6k

18+, minors do not interact

Face to face, chest to chest, eyes locked fiercely, melting lips. He was all around you, all over you. His smell, slight perfume but not too much, a bit worn out over the day, mixed with the faint scent of his body and sweat. All you saw were the white strands of his hair. You never asked really, was he an albino? You can surely contemplate that while having the snowy curls caressing your face. Or at least you could if not his dick delightfully deep inside, taking your mind away from anything that isn’t him.

“You. Are. Gorgeous.” He spat out every word between his trusts, you only humming in response, your voice cracking into a moan.

You came, then he came, then you both just laid there so very close to each other. After a while Sanemi stood up and after a quick shower you both just crashed back on the bed.

“Wanna do something?” He asked, looking at you, his messy head drowning in the soft pillow.

“Yeah, we can. A movie?”

“Sure, just a moment.”

Once again he was hugging you breathing slowly on the top of your head.

“Don’t get me wrong, I won’t go around with a sign ‘I date Sanemi’. Just because we agreed to act normally about the relationship…” Oh, the word finally got out of your mouth unobscured.” …doesn’t mean I want to be loud about it. That would be an exaggeration in the other way.”

“Kay, I’ll make them aware just fine.”

“No, nah, not a chance. Stop with that possessiveness or I’ll really just take back my words about that whole girlfriend thing.” You propped up on your elbows. “I’m serious. If you ever do any shit similar to that Tomioka thing I’ll be seriously upset.”

He gave that thought a few seconds.

“Okay.” The man rolled his eyes.

“If someone asks then yes, tell them you have a girlfriend. If they don’t then why even start the topic. It’s like showing off your newborn, no one likes that.” You scrunch your nose.

“That’s kind of a good point.” Sanemi finally admitted.

-

It was full on spring by the time your tongue wouldn’t slip while talking about Sanemi as your boyfriend. At least in front of your mirror, you hadn’t really told anyone yet, the two of you nearly three weeks into the established relationship. It honestly flew by in an instant. Go to uni, get done with homework, meet with Sanemi outside of his apartment if Genya was there or more intimately when he was gone. You didn’t push his brother’s topic, when the time comes he’ll introduce you. You also agreed that Sanemi will not help you with college stuff. You still had to retake the course but the new lecturer was smiley and a bit timid like early morning sun, and took no interest in the whole situation, or at least pretended he didn’t. None of your friends asked about it, on the other hand none knew apart from the familiar group, Aoi, Kanao and Zenitsu. They never mentioned it when you all gathered with Tanjiro, Nezuko and Inosuke. It could have been that the matter will never see the daylight if Tanjiro doesn’t ask but there’s also a high chance he finally will. But let that rest for now.

It was an uneventful month which made you feel lightheaded, quickly forgetting about the unpleasantness of the past. Tomioka was also gone for some time. He had some sort of a conference to attend as well as representing the university in a series of events, thus your lab meetings stopped. Sanemi seemed happy about it but you wished you could just get the matter straight and continue the rather beneficent occurrence. Well, you had to wait for the nosy black haired to come back. You also felt like you fell out with Anna. It felt like ages since the two of you last met or even talked. Nonetheless, you never did anything yourself about the situation. You came to the conclusion that the new friend group made you feel way more comfortable than Ann and her scheming. Yes, you still did party with them, maybe even more than earlier, but it always felt like you were a part of the circle, not being left out as soon as you don’t feel like getting a blackout out of drunkenness at nearly every party. Guess it’s better that way.

All was good until, of course, it wasn’t. At some point you honestly felt as if the universe had taken you under the microscope the moment you locked eyes with Sanemi that day, waiting in the line behind the dumb girl.

-

“No way.” Your hands clenched the tall glass cup in excitement. “He agreed to meet with you alone? How did you get it out of that dense guy?”

“I don’t know.” Kanao’s voice was as quiet as ever yet, there was a light thrill to be heard in it. “It was an impulse, like if I don’t say it now I never will.” Oh you knew something about that.

Your girly trio was just in the middle of a ‘fancy’ meetup in a way too expensive cafe. That's why you settled for a simple coffee. The sun poured you with golden rays warm enough to get you all out to the cafe garden. Kanao was just telling you how she managed to ask Tanjiro if he would like to spend some time with her, only her. He said yes which was a huge milestone for the situation.

“Did you think about something yet?” You asked.

You had the feeling that you were more interested in the topic than Aoi. On the other hand she must have been living this drama for such a long time now that you didn’t really blame her, especially taking her character into consideration. If she was the one crushing on Tanjiro she would have already taken him, preferably by the collar with no whining. You were kinda interested about her love life but not so nosy as to ask.

“No, he told me he’d text.” Kanao whispered as if it was something bad.

“I mean, that’s cool but you can ask him out yourself. I’ve heard they’re starting with the outdoor cinema shortly if the weather is nice. Maybe you two can go?” You really didn’t want to be too pushy but the timid girl really needed to act up if she wanted the guy. It’s not just a mans’ job to ask out and entertain.

“Maybe.” Was all she answered.

Let's just give it a little bit of time.

-

Idiot: Ramen 7 o’clock?

You opened the chat with Sanemi and happily responded to his offer. It was just so good that the two of you could meet in public without any fear. The public opinion still lingered somewhere at the back of your mind. At one point someone will come after you and call you out on sleeping with your lecturer but you had the very Sanemi by your side to help you ignore those voices. Or maybe it will be you keeping him from smashing someone's face. Either way you’ll get through it.

Idiot: Can I call you for a sec? Nothing important.

You were just about to write a ‘yes’ when another notification popped up.

Tanjiro: I need your help real quick. Do you mind calling?

Shoot. Weighing the options you went for Tanjiro, I mean, he specifically wrote he needed help while Sanemi most likely was just bored.

Reply to Idiot: Sorry but Tanjiro just asked whether I can call him quickly, he needs help with something. Don’t get too mad, I still feel bad for lying to him!

You went for a face call with Tanjiro. When you saw your face lit up on the screen you snorted. Lying in your bed with your head against the wall, looking down on the phone resting on your chest you looked like a potato. Tanjiro was presenting himself better, sitting straight in a chair, his face illuminated by a blue light, guess a computer screen.

“What’s up?” You asked.

“This may sound weird but I don’t feel like asking Nezuko about it so help me out.” He started, looking at the phone from time to time. “I'm thinking about going on a date with this girl and I need advice about it.”

Oh. My. God. If not the face call you would have already texted Kanao that it’s happening.

“Yeah, no problem.”

“So, I need a place. I was thinking cafe but it just sounds boring.” He gave you a sheepish smile.

“Oh, the outside cinema is starting next week, you can also go to the zoo or for a picnic in the park…” You started listing options that came to your mind.

“Ah, too many.” Tanjiro scrunched his nose. “I do have some other things in mind but I need something specific.” He seemed to be thinking for a while. “Okay, just tell me what your perfect date would look like. I honestly trust you on this one. Just maybe think of something in your taste but with a romantic vibe.”

“Who’s that girl?!”

“Won’t tell you.”

Of course it’s Kanao. He asks you because he knows the two of you got closer and you talk a lot. Aoi is kinda hard to approach when it comes to love life so you were the obvious choice. You may know what Kanao would want. That's why he asks about your perfect date as in Kanaos perfect date. Another thing is him saying about the romantic twist. He knows Kanao is less party-like. Now you honestly don’t know whether to tell her or to keep it a secret for the sake of a surprise. That actually sounds better. Later you will tell her that Tanjiro called you and all just to show how much he cares. Perfect.

“Okay, give me a sec.” Think, what would Kanao like? Then, it hit you. “Dude, dude! This localisation. Wait.” You quickly sent him the details to the very same botanical garden thay Sanemi once took you. It must be in full bloom right now! Kanao will love it. “It’s a beautiful botanical garden not so far away from here. I was there once but it was winter so I didn’t get to see the outside garden. I would love for someone to take me on a date there.” Jokes on you. “Then dinner. You can pick a nice place or cook something for the both of you. Cooking is good because it involves you taking her to your place, heh.”

Tanjiro gave you a raised brow look at the last comment, but you shrugged it off.

“Did anyone ever tell you how pure you are?” You snickered at him.

“Would you sleep with a guy on your first date?” He asked you, now looking straight on the phone.

“It depends. If I knew him and liked him and we would both agree that the night may end like that it would be more exciting. With a random Tinder or something like that? Nah, probably not.” Quickly, strike while the iron is hot, give Kanao a possibility to get laid. “If you’re friends with that girl, and don’t freak out, I think I know who it is…” He did freak out with a wide-eyed look. “...then it’s a matter of asking. There's nothing wrong with sex outside of a relationship, isn’t it?” You were on a streak with those jokes today.

“No, nothing wrong.” He answered with a nod.

“Then just, I don’t know, signal her at the beginning, fetch out if she's into it or not. Asking whether she’d rather eat in a restaurant or at your place, and I mean your place, is a good start. Just make things straight from the beginning. And don’t be weird if she says no!”

Tanjiro laughed softly.

“Thanks, that was actually great advice.”

-

“Are you free on Saturday?” Sanemi asked while the two of you were slurping ramen in a nice, warm coloured ramen shop.

“What, can’t get enough of me?” You laughed and he rolled his eyes.

“There’s someone who would like to meet you and they won’t let me live my life if I don’t arrange it quickly.” A heavy, tired grunt left his throat, as if it was an everyday pain in the ass. You on the other side felt more excited, or maybe stressed?

“Whose that?”

“An old friend of mine. I told you we had a tight-knit group while I was going to uni myself. They’re one of them. Some blonde bastard that I call a friend spilled out about me having a girlfriend.”

You think you knew that blonde bastard of a friend.

“It’s actually about time to meet with the old idiots so I thought you could just come with me.” He gave you a questioning look from over his steaming bowl.

“You mean your friends?”

“Yeah, you know some of them. Kyojuro, I mean Rengoku, you also met Tengen. He’ll bring his wifes so it’s not like you’ll be the only one outside of the group. Shinobu and Kanae don’t come to these anymore. Oh, the big crying guy that was sitting during our witch trial, his name is Gyomei and two others that you don’t know. Grab some drinks is all.”

You felt like choking on the long noodles but you slowly got used to Sanemi being Sanemi. He found such things easy, such social situations.

“You want me to go drinking with a bunch of lecturers that might possibly teach me in the future?”

“Oh come on, for fucks sake. Drinking with professors is not a crime. At least it’s way less than sleeping with them.” He winked at you and you swore you wanted to scratch that pale eye of his out of its socket. “Besides, that one idiot that’s so eager to meet you also wants to see Genya. She’s talking some nonsense about him being a ‘big boy’ now. Like that little shit still can’t fold his damn underwear.” Who folds their underwear? And, that person is a she, good to know, at least there will be some woman in the group. “Because of that I’ll host it at my place.”

That piece of information made you breathe out in relief. At least you’ll be in a secluded familiar place where no one will bump into you. Also, Genya will be there and he’s around your age and also a student. Oh, Genya will be there… the sacred brother. Now you didn’t know what stressed you more, the bunch of lecturers or Genta himself.

“Well, then I look forward to Saturday.” That was true, nevermind the small flips of your stomach, it could be nice, you’ve gotta be brave.

-

Later the same week you got another text from Tanjiro.

Tanjiro: Hey, you wanna grab lunch on Saturday? Inosuke really wants to go to this new gaming themed place and I have to say it’d be nice to have some outside company. Besides, he’s kinda fond of you I guess so he won’t throw a fuss. It’s a short train ride, only to XXX station.

Yikes, Saturday. You wanted to spend some time getting ready before the big evening. On the other hand lunch and the party at Sanemi’s were several hours apart, you could go see them for two hours. Maybe you could take your outfit and make-up with you and just get ready at Sanemi’s house.

Respond to Tanjiro: No problem. Just, I prefer an earlier hour.

-

“Oh my fucking god, Sanemi please come pick me up, please.” You sobbed quietly on the phone. 

SERIES MASTERLIST

Taglist:

@secretxchive @vesperazhier @sulli1361

[farfromstrange]

On a happier note than my last post, I am just about done with my latest uni assignment and will get some time to write this weekend, maybe catch up on some of the stuff I missed. I’m slowly trying to come back on here because I really miss it. Fingers crossed.

[river-summer]

Top is still trash.

This episode was like an attempt of a redemption arc for top but he cheated. I think you can’t hold someone’s hair when they vomit or do that whole cleaning up a drunk person scene and some how we are meant to believe that if this person does these things they are not going to cheat again in the future. Most cheaters can do the most loving things/ care for you and still cheat.

Which is why writers shud be careful with the cheating storyline.

I don’t think top should have even hugged Mew in that bed whilst he was unconscious. It’s creepy.

Also, the whole police coming over cos of the noise complaint, are we sure Top didn’t call the police?? They had a party last time and no police where called… Also Cheum or whatever her name is running to top for help like he is now the saviour of everyone and somehow top has this envelope full of cash when I would imagine most rich people don’t even carry cash with them….hmm

All of these little redemption arcs don’t cancel out cheating. I think the trust is gone and they will probably end up together but they will always be that part in the back of Mew’s mind that Top might be cheating again.

Mew Mew Mew, I just remember the beginning of the series and he was like I’m going to make Top wait and again a cheater can wait, can do all these romantic stuff until he gets what he wants. In the meantime Mew fell hard and he has gotten his heart broken for the first time. And he wants to forget/ is basically self sabotaging himself.

With heartbreak you still think and have fond memories of the person who broke ur heart. But ur still pissed/ angry at that person and want to hurt them i.e using Ray and that whole kiss.

Drinking at uni, a lot of uni students drink its part of the culture. Partying and drinking even everyday it happens, smoking, people try smoking, it’s not the end of the world. Drugs are a big Nono.

Mew is deffo going through it but I hope he finds himself and I would love it if he ends up with some one else but I predict Top will be like a parasite that will block anyone from talking to Mew and so their relationship is gonna get boring again.

Ray is a mess, his friends knew this before and what did they do? Ray is kinda the bad guy this episode and I’ve just realised the joker outfit is very fitting. Good on Sand for standing up for himself and not being a second choice.

I would love to see a conversation between Ray and Boston. They were friends and I would love to see them making up. Boston apart from his messiness and being a hoe seems chill (even tho he caused all this lol)

I love Boston, I don’t know who my fave character is, is it Ray or Boston.

Boston is a messy queen and but he is a confident messy queen. Like the thing with him and Nick is Nick still wants Boston, is ready to forgive anything he does.

Boston on the other hand has a boundary which is someone recording him during you know what without his consent and if you break that you are done to him. This is something Nick did. I remember people going awe poor Nick but he wiretapped his car and secretly recorded him. That’s creepy and an invasion of Boston’s privacy.

It will be interesting to see what will happen with this new guy, the little brother of the girl. I don’t trust him only because every single role I have seen this actor play has been horrid. Maybe he will be so horrible to Boston and ruin Boston’s father career that Boston will return to Nick who also has a new love interest daddy Dan Lmaoo I cannot.

Let’s see what happens next episode.

[onomatopiya]

piya’s year in review!

thank you to the lovely @yvesdot for the template, this is such a fun idea!! i’ll include more in-depth elaboration for each month’s little snip under the cut, but first some general thoughts:

this has been a big year for me! these past few years i’ve been pretty stagnant in my development as a writer, and this year i’ve not only evolved, but i’ve opened myself up to having more projects and overall improved on the quality of my craft. (also! i started out having one (1) main project that is now shelved and now i have five. which is insane)

In 2023, I really want to focus on publishing short fiction! I’ve gotten a few short stories under my belt now, and I want to put myself out there. Also, I want to be more organized with my time and try to 1) Finish draft two of Revolution, Retribution (my main sci fi book) + 2) Finish my first draft for The Voids We Fill (my coming-of-age aro book).

and now onto the month by month breakdown!

JANUARY // REVOLUTION, RETRIBUTION

I started proper work on my second ever novel writing project this January! Revolution, Retribution is my main wip atm, following two twins at the center of conspiracies and revenge plots in a hypercapitalist society. January honestly feels like years ago but overall it was a productive month.

FEBRUARY // REVOLUTION, RETRIBUTION

During February, I got heavy into plotting out RR once I realized it would be a big project. I want to say I shelved my first project around this time? Hm. I had been having ideas for other novels but my attachment to that first project was impeding my development so. Kill your darlings etc etc. And I’m much happier now! And my projects have matured with me :)

MARCH // ROTTEN ROOTS

Short story era! I kept up with working on RR naturally but Rotten Roots also happened during March. I had lots of fun with that one (it was admittedly written partially as a joke that I took too far) and it was really nice to work on short fiction. I may or may not edit this one and submit it somewhere! Not sure about that yet 👁️👁️

APRIL // REVOLUTION, RETRIBUTION

April took us back to the old RR grind! I was super excited this month bc I hit 25k on the draft 😌. Which. Four months into the year and I’d already written more than the entirety of last year! That’s growth babey!

MAY // STORMKISSER

Naturally I still worked on RR during May, but I did get a small short story done too! Stormkisser was a good exercise in writing romance as someone who always hits their written relationships with an aspec beam. Also, I graduated high school in May and finished Act I of RR! Double win :)

JUNE // THE REFLECTION SMILES BACK

I LOVED this flash piece so much actually <3 I love liminal spaces and I was like “hm, I need to write more transgenderism into my short fiction” so I did. And it was great. I spent most of June working on in-depth plot stuff for Act II of RR, which was slow going because I realized that I’d screwed up my timelines, but it was nonetheless progress.

JULY // ECHO CHAMBER

While still plotting stuff, I also wrote a small snippet of my queerplatonic love story, Echo Chamber! I didn’t write too much this month because most of it was spent traveling, but I did still get some stuff done just before I left the country.

AUGUST // REVOLUTION, RETRIBUTION

In August, I started my first semester of uni! Which is bonkers insane! I started drafting Act II of RR, which was very nice because I had MISSED writing in the RR doc. I feel like my writing matured very quickly over this period which is such a good feeling to have—I’m actually proud of some of my writing now, which hasn’t been the case historically.

SEPTEMBER // THE BALLAD OF THE GOLD-PALMED PROPHET

In September, I feel like RR hit a bit of a roadblock? This semester was a bit rough overall, both because of my mental health and because a lot of my coursework was A Lot. However! I did write a backstory piece for one of Lamplight’s (my na fantasy featuring cryptids, trans people, and gods with teeth) main characters, a church prophet toeing the line between duty and the truth. And that piece has honestly been one of my favorites this year!

OCTOBER // THE FOOTNOTE

In October I had more of the same issue with RR. So I let myself write what my brain was wanting to write and write another backstory piece, this time for the aforementioned church prophet’s gay little priest who is soo devoted to him. And I had a good time, even if that wasn’t as “productively” spent as possible (and productivity culture is a sham anyway)

NOVEMBER // DEATH OF A POLTERGEIST

In November I did decide to dedicate time to RR! At the same time, though, I did realize that my writing had grown beyond what I’d written way back in May. Which is good! Growth is good! But I kept thinking of more stuff I wanted to implement in RR that I simply couldn’t do with the current draft. I wasn’t enjoying writing very much but I did want to push through anyway. I did also write a short story that I’m working on submitting somewhere (featuring ghosts and self-acceptance)!!

DECEMBER // LAMPLIGHT

In December, I made a Decision. Regarding RR, I decided to move onto draft two. I already had more than half of the draft written, and I’d outlined Act III, but I wanted to enjoy writing the book. And currently I’m about done with a new rough outline and I’m trying to finish a chapter-by-chapter :) The excerpt above is from a Lamplight prologue I wrote as a warm-up exercise!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas, Leo Anon.

I have successfully blown up my life since the last ask I sent you, so before you read this entire thing and call me a dick, just know… I know. 

It turns out Leo does still have a crush on me. And I still have a crush on him (it’s one of those annoying crushes that hasn’t just gone away after a month. Or a year. Or two).

He told me he still had a crush to explain his reaction and apologised. I then admitted I still have a crush on him.

And that’s where it all went downhill.

Leo got accepted into his dream university, and told us a few months ago under no certain terms would he dream of delaying going.

So when he said “I could go with you and Benjamin in the gap year” I panicked. (Benny’s my best mate btw, he’s obsessed with the Harry Potter dudes and has been complaining non stop about not having the time to enter your conan fest? Which is true he’s super busy- but he’s excited to read the fics i think cause he’s loves conan gray. Ngl I know nothing abt the Harry Potter fandom, hope that’s chill. He’s how I found this blog actually- and you’re really kind to take the time to read about how i’ve ruined my life). 

Back to the plot. Leo said what he said and I freaked, I didn’t want him coming with us and then resenting me later for him missing uni. 

I told him that’d interfere with me and Benny’s plans to hook up with a bunch of people. 

He got really quiet and sounded really sad as he said he had to go. 

We didn’t have plans to hook up with people. I panicked and lied…

Oh and gets worse. Word got back to Benny’s girl (they’re not technically dating yet but they are) who’s going to a dif country after the summer for skl, and so we were gonna delay our trip where she is so Benny and her could hang.

But she heard what I told Leo abt hooking up and was mad. So I had to do some damage control.

I met up with her and told her only I was hooking up with people, I just didn’t want to hurt Leo’s feelings any more than I had.

She accepted that and her and Benny are chill but word got back to Leo and now he hates me. 

He thinks I lied and I wanted to spend the whole time hooking up with people and he’s never meant anything to me and I don’t care about people. 

If we’re being honest, I wasn’t going to hook up anyone on this trip. I hate hooking you with people. 

Benny said he thinks i’m on the ace spectrum (demi something he said, like the singer idk?) 

It was chill with my first gf, but my ex bf pressured me into it since i’d “already lost my virginity so what?” and then I hooked up with like one other person before deciding it wasn’t really for me.

But I had a rep by then somehow and everyone thought I was some play boy. 

I figured my mates knew that wasn’t true but turns out they all believed the rumours too. 

Point is, Leo thinks he’s “just another on of my hookups” when the most we’ve ever done is make out and I felt more then than anything else i’ve ever done. 

This is stupid. I shouldn’t bother you with my dumb problems. Sorry.

I know I ought to apologise and come clean and stuff but, maybe it’s better if I just leave the friendship fucked up, that way he won’t sacrifice anything for me and I can fuck around the world being cultural and shit. He can do better anyway. 

Hi!

Alright, you need to communicate with him!

You can't lie to make someone else's decisions for them! That's not cool! Look at where it's gotten you!

Please, sit Leo down and tell him everything- including that you don't want him to give up Uni for you. But remember that's his decision. If you like him and maybe want to be in a relationship with him, you need to respect his wants and needs, don't decide for him. Talk together about what's best <3

You're not a bad person, I know you were trying to help him. But the best thing to do is talk about it.

Tell Benny I say hi, and he should come try the fest!

[bvannn]

Weekly Update January 5, 2024

I’m still recovering slowly. I never mentioned this because I want to be as vague as I can about my big congenital medical issue, but the surgery last week removed some tissue that affects my endocrine system, and now that it’s gone I’m having some problems with my mood. I have a medicine that corrects it, but I need to wait another week and a half to get my dosage adjusted, so all next week I’m going to be volatile which sucks. Stomach has seemingly gotten better though so hopefully that pain was just caused by those cysts and nothing else was wrong. Sorry if I ramble on a bit too much tonight, I am loopy because of the endocrine stuff so I might go on too long. Anyway artstuffs.

I got a music project done. It was for Mav, and it was pretty small but I stayed up all night working on it. Working on it I discovered a big set of plugins that I got somewhere that look to be automatically doing some of that balancing I was worried about. I still need to double check what exactly it can do, since I’d like a widener plugin, but I don’t want to stack my brain over it if I already have one. I have a few ideas floating around for the next song thing, I’m a bit hesitant on continuing that vocal one I haven’t finished because I watched a bunch of videos today in the bad lyrics of the Wish soundtrack, and the lady kept bringing up cadence and pentameter which are concepts I know about but can’t hear. Like, pentameter is supposed to be the natural inflection a syllable has, but like whenever I hear it, I just hear the inflection of the vocalist. I think I’m overthinking it, since she used a writing scheme to explain it and I think the vocaloid software uses that same writing scheme so maybe I can learn through practice? Or I can just write lyrics that match the melody and call it good as long as the flow sounds natural because of subconscious understanding, like how I figured out how to do harmonies. Whatever. Music theory is hard but my stupid will and brute force is harder.

Other instrumental things I’ve been kinda thinking about include a little Zelda medley that I already recorded the melodies and stuff for, instrumental themes for my OCs because of course. And then I kinda want to just do a big fat medley that goes on for like an hour-ish because I love those kinds of medleys they’re great for car rides and stuff. And the final two I’m thinking about would be for animation memes: either an arcade beat-em-up style boss fight sounding theme, or a cover of a 90s pop-punk-rock (idk what genre) song. I think that one would be cool because I could use it as promotional stuff for a comic.

Oh yeah that O’Malley comic! I actually did good thumbnail work on that this week! I was going to do more today but mood and sleep schedule were wonky, plus I had a meeting this morning, so good chance I’ll put it off until tomorrow. But either way, chipping away at it, trying to watch more movies so I can get better at understanding shot comp, watched Kill Bill part 1 last night and wasn’t expecting it to be like, the best fucking movie ever? Like why does everyone talk about it like ‘eh it’s pretty good’ like no that shit was *Phenomenal*! Hoping part 2 lives up to the first, planning to watch it maybe tomorrow night? Definitely before I go back to uni. Anyway pitch comic is coming along nice, after it’s drawn I can either work on the rest of that story or a pitch for the secondary story I’ve been working on, depending on demand. Right now leaning towards series, since I have general synopsies for a couple more general ‘episodes’.

Also only done like one general drawing for comsheet practice hehehe it’s fine I can try others as time comes and is appropriate. Also did epithet stuff but not as much as I’d like. My original plan tonight was to work on TTRPG stuff but maybe I’ll do writing or thumbnailing instead. Or maybe both.

TRGA: got shot 1-4 done enough. Also got Jon tweened for 1-5. I need to clean him up and do his face and stuff. Tonight maybe if I’m having trouble focusing on the other stuff I’ll clean him up, I think I want to go back to that ‘one significant development a day’ schedule I was on for a bit, but pushed a bit further since I have better strategies now. I’ve also started the ‘every time I sit down and open clip studio I’m going to draw one (1) prop’ strategy so hopefully props won’t be as bad in the future either (even the ones I can’t just recycle). Tomorrow if I’m doing better I’ll try to get 1-5 Jon’s face done (and clean him up too if I don’t tonight) and maybe do another drawing. Maybe more epithet TTRPG stuff maybe not.

I’m trying to get my priorities back in order. 1) TRGA 2) Comic work 3) fix your commissions 4) other projects. Inspiration is fickle though so I’m really all over the place. My mood being volatilized is also not helping but I’ll keep going until my brain explodes. For now I’m able to plan out enough with time for sleep and stuff. I don’t know what’s exactly going to happen when classes start but I am taking *fewer* credits than normal so theoretically that means more time.

[medicallymercury]

About Time - Casualty Hiatus Thoughts - Part 1/?

I used to include real life updates in my episode reviews. I think I’m ill and it’s really bad timing for like a bunch of stuff I need to get done over the next two weeks so I’m mainly writing this to try and make myself feel less like a deflated balloon. I guess I miss Casualty now? But also I don’t really want it back because I really don’t trust that I’ll like where it goes next. I have things I really should be doing but instead I'm typing this up and finding a way to look at AO3 on my Switch Lite.

I feel like I’ve been putting off typing this up for two reasons. One, it’s a lot of energy to put my Casualty thoughts into semi-coherent words, especially in between writing stuff for uni, because in my head my Casualty thoughts are mostly just “I’m so nauseous about the pretend paramedics”. Two, my thoughts are almost exclusively about the paramedics, specifically mostly about Teddy, and for some reason I’m worried about coming across obsessive? BREAKING NEWS: Autistic Person Is Obsessive About Special Interest, More At Ten! Like, yeah, I do sound like Teddy is all I think about, because he kind of is all I think about lately. I’ve been feeling more self conscious about it lately, I guess, but I trust that anyone also still hanging around in the Casualty fandom this far into the hiatus can’t be all that different from me and therefore won’t judge me.

Also, there's no connecting theme in this post. The theme is 'things that have been on my mind during the hiatus' and that's quite varied and random so I might seem like I'm jumping between topics a lot.

Having written this post now, I worry parts of it come across very critical of Teddy who is my beloved favourite character. If I like a character, they’re gonna get picked apart and they’re rarely gonna come out of it 100% positive. I love him and I think he’s such a great character who has been a very kind and sweet person throughout his existence in Casualty that’s kind of being forgotten a bit right now. I also think he has done objectively bad things recently but he’s also going through a lot and I’m very sympathetic about that. So if this post comes across negative about him: I love and feel very :( for him, I just also love hating on my faves.

The BBC actually personally attacked me by making Sah and Teddy go through weird-queer-friendship breakup while I was using them to cope with my own weird-queer-friendship breakup. Now, Spotify is continuing the personal attack by playing Night Shift and The Frost whenever I'm on my commute. I cannot start crying over the pretend paramedics on this train, but also you've got a 9-to-5, so I'll take the night shift and I'll never see you again if I can help it and you're not here to see, it's just witness-less me. The overall polyfailure songs are I Bet On Losing Dogs and Cool About It, I do have a playlist but I did not plan to start going on about it in this post. Sah and Teddy are on my mind as they have been since I got back into Casualty (and kinda before then), I don't really ship them in the typical sense except for when it's also with Paige but their canon relationship is so interesting. They act like they're just mates or whatever, and then act about and towards each other in a way that they don't with any other person. My go-to way of describing it is that they're a little weird about each other. I appreciate that, at least until the end of Driving Force, they're still a little weird about each other. Proposing to your girlfriend out of immense jealousy towards your best friend who you basically won't talk to anymore is kinda weird, quitting your job over your best friend doing that is maybe less weird but they're both still making major decisions based on each other. I also really love how certain parts of their series 36 storylines are written as these paired opposites but that's another post. Big thing on my mind is the idea that Teddy can't really pretend he never cared about Sah, he can't forget about them because he got shot for them and (for all that Casualty will absolutely forget it happened) that's gonna leave a scar, he can't ever get away from them and he won't forget their birthday ever again! Like, I can't get a Greggs without thinking of my weird friendship, can he exist without thinking of Sah? I'm! miserable! about! them! They're so incredibly Planet of Love and Wishbone by Richard Siken, except the guy getting shot in those poems is actually also called Theodore.

[The particularly them parts. Let's not talk about it!! Let's just not talk!!!]

On the topic of Teddy getting shot, I said I was gonna rewatch the start of Welcome to the Warzone so I can post episode reviews for all of that miniseries and then I did not do that. I’ve mostly been rewatching random series 36 episodes. I’ve been thinking a lot about With a Bullet, though. It’s the episode that dragged me properly back into Casualty but I always forget how busy it is? There’s so much happening that it kinda annoys me. At the core of the episode you’ve got a lot of great stuff with the paramedics that helps to establish stuff for later on in WTTW and Driving Force but then there’s all this other stuff also happening around it that is just not relevant. I honestly think the episode would be exponentially better if they just let it be a paramedic centric episode in the style of Is The Patient Breathing?. Cut back all the non-paramedic stuff (and anything in that episode about Iain and Faith, we got enough of that stuff in every other episode) and just have a couple of storylines happening around Teddy getting shot. Specifically, just focus on Teddy and Jan (and Gethin) to set up everything that has happened with Gethin, Teddy and Sah to set up everything that has happened with Paige, and Jacob and Iain to properly establish where Jacob is at in the team and like generally. Shove the other stuff into other episodes. Anyway, my point is that With a Bullet is on my mind cause it technically does a good job at setting these things up but is held back by everything else going on.

Switzerland has got me thinking a lot about the Jan-Teddy Wider Family Tree™ on so many levels:

I think it fits into this theme of Teddy not really being taken seriously or being perceived as having maturity by his family. Not being taken seriously is such a consistent thing with Teddy that it's actually very hard to concisely talk about it, there's so many tangents and even like his name is a diminutive. I think it's been something that's built up to this point where he's trying to prove people wrong and make them take him seriously. That's kind of where I think the proposal comes from. But with his family, his anger in Switzerland, to me, is about being kept out of stuff because they don't really think he is mature enough to get it. And I do think Teddy would have come to accept Gethin's decision like Jan did if he had been included. Teddy being seen as immature is dragged back up by Jan when she tells him to grow up after he wants to give Gethin the benefit of the doubt in With a Bullet, and it's interesting to me that it's this like kindness and forgiveness that is perceived as being immature. Honestly, when you get that family together they do kind of struggle to be consistently nice to each other for very long, except for maybe Teddy who has actually been the one trying mediate a lot before. So when he's saying all this pretty horrible stuff in the argument in Switzerland, isn't that kind of maturity by these standards? He's jumping between saying very actually childish things and saying stuff that is comparable to the stuff Gaynor says to Jan. Honestly, ignore this section, I really feel like I can't effectively express what I'm thinking but there was an attempt.

I've got 'Teddy as Son 2.0' on my mind but it makes me nauseous to try and talk about it. Replacement son and replacement mother but in way that is as concerning as it is sweet. I started to think about it in Aftermath but it really came out full force in the final episodes of Driving Force. Specifically, Jan’s “What am I going to tell Ross?… And Teddy?” moment in Switzerland and the differences in how Gethin responds to those questions. Just bringing the two of them up in the same context like that. But looking back, this has been developing for a while. In With a Bullet, you’ve got Jan saying almost exactly what Gaynor said to Teddy in Break Your Heart and then cutting herself off and saying what she had said to him in that episode instead. (Actually, she even said in Break Your Heart that she loves Teddy as if he’s her own and then Gaynor gives us the only direct comparison ever made between Teddy and Ross: “Well he’s not, thank goodness. Look how well your’s turned out…”.) All the way back at the start of series 36, you have Teddy showing up and trying to get Jan and Ffion back together when they had separated over Ross stuff. Their stuff in Is The Patient Breathing? is explicitly about Jan being harsh on Teddy because she doesn’t want to lose him like she lost Lev and Fenisha, but also literally everything they get called to in that episode is to do with drugs in some way. Honestly, a couple years from now, I wouldn’t mind another storyline with Ross if it also involved Teddy. I am interested in what they might do there. Sure, they have like a 10 year age difference but my cousin is 11 years older than me and we still spent time together when I was a kid - the fact that Gethin immediately recognises Teddy when he sees him makes me think there must have been a period of relative okay-ness for the family when Teddy was very young. I think I just want to get all of them in a room and do Jeremy Kyle on them.

I've also been thinking about the Chekhov's Gun moment that is "you know what it was like when my parents were divorcing" from Broken. Maybe Jan does, but we don't. Teddy's parents' seemingly not-amicable divorce feels relevant to him rushing into marrying Paige. Also, I just enjoy the vaguely-still-alive-and-out-there-ness of Teddy's dad. What's he up to? Has he not been at all interested in all the times Teddy has nearly died in the past couple years? I expect that eventually the writers will pull him out for a storyline and I am interested in what they might do there too but I'm honestly too attached to my headcanons in that area now.

I’ve edited this in but I wanted it in here. I was looking at Teddy’s birthday on onthisday.com and Bring It All Back was number 1 in the UK charts that day. I’ve got this ridiculous headcanon that Sah and Teddy both really enjoy S Club so I am very pleased with that.

Let's end controversially, my Casualty hot takes. This one I think is reasonable; I don't like how certain parts of the fandom (...Twitter) act about their favourite characters. There's this sort of outright refusal to acknowledge that your favourite character can ever be in the wrong and it annoys me for two reasons. First, every other character ends up being judged on the basis of how they treat your favourite character which is a very interesting way to watch the show. Second, a lot of the time it leads to that favourite character being oversimplified. Good people can do bad things sometimes. Good characters usually do bad things sometimes. I love Teddy but I can acknowledge that he's been a prick lately while also considering the reasons behind his behaviour. I love Sah but maybe kissing Paige wasn't brilliant of them and maybe that's okay. I think my annoyance about this might be more to do with the fact that I'm not really as interested in a lot of the characters that seem to be fan-favourites over there. This one I think makes me a bad Casualty fan; I would not watch it if it was just about treating patients. Everytime they make an episode about them just being professionals and treating patients (like How To Save A Life), I see people saying they wish Casualty was always like that and... I don't! I love those episodes and I think they're important and really well made and actually fit into the series very well. And I do think those episodes can contribute to the characters as professionals, I often wish the show made it feel like their jobs were more relevant to who they are as people. But if it was always just about that, I would just watch one of those ambulance documentary shows instead. I'm here for the characters, I'm here for the drama, I'm here for Hamlet in a hospital and I feel like every episode being about them actually doing their jobs might get in the way of that. Similarly, I don't get when people complain about the characters doing stuff that "would never happen in a real hospital" because it isn't a real hospital. Suspend your disbelief.

[kaedeakeshisworld]

A breath of fresh air

gist: An unexpected meeting at the bakery with who knows? Leo finally decided to appear in Y/n's life after this time. Exciting news for future plans a a change of perspective.

Finally, Benimaru is here. Treating reader-chan like she deserves to. Leo and Y/n have to settle some matters but no worries, it'll work out.

c/s:Here it is. Who also loves a bread loaf/ hot bread fresh out the oven? I do ☺️. Also, there's a saying in Portuguese when you refer to hot men. You say he's/you're a bread( I think it's only valid for men though- in Portuguese "tu es um pão!" it means you're hot. now you know.) Don't know if it's still something folks use as of now... I feel like next chapter will probably end on some smut( already writing it 😉)

wc:3565

I've had easier days! Waking up at the crack of dawn to stare at my ceiling got me questioning my priorities. It's been three fucking weeks! What does he even have like excuse. She impersonates him to the best of her ability ‘Sorry, I was busy with work’ headass.

Soon enough, I start crying. I know why. I was acting like a was strong, wouldn’t shed a tear for him or because of him.

I've successfully managed to avoid it these past two weeks but everything can't be going according to plan now, can it?

I try my best to cry in silence. I don't need a single soul to know why I'm in this state. 

I think a hot bath would make me feel better. I also will undo my locks. Time for a needed wash and go.

Nothing can beat a good self care routine! I feel like relaxing this way would really help me sleep. So, I'll start it tomorrow…

The hot bath really helped me. I feel like I can conquer the world. I haven’t even had breakfast! Hum… well… what am I in the mood for? Nothing can beat a hot bread straight out the oven. I’ll settle for that.

As soon as I get out of the bath, I pat dry my body. Apply lotion to it because being ashy ain’t a lifestyle for me.  As for a bra… I’m not putting it on today. It’s always the first thing I get rid of whenever I’m back home.

I put on an oversized hoodie, some cutesy socks, and my platform vans 'cause I wasn't blessed with height. I grab my wallet as well as a camo bucket hat. 

Off I am and let's not forget keys, too. 

I drop by the bakery for a fresh loaf of bread. 

I have missed doing regular stuff. Such simple things bring me happiness the most yet I don’t do them.

The stroll is ten minutes but worth it for the tasty goods they sell. 

This morning, not a lot of people crowd the shop.I secured the goods, yes two loaves, one is never enough. I headed towards the exit and bumped someone. 

My first reaction is to ask if he or she is okay, I wasn't paying attention.

When I offered help, I was met with a voice I heard before( or at least think I did):

“What a wonderful sight! And here I thought I wouldn't see you this soon?”

He greets me

“Hi! How are you?”

“Much better now that I see you Y/n.”

“Wanna chat for a bit?”

“Absolutely. I’ll order us something in the meantime. Have a seat. I’ll join you as soon as I’m done.”

He comes back to the table with a tray. The food looks delicious

“We have some strawberry mochi.” He chuckles upon my surprised reaction.

My fave. How does he know? Ah… now I get it! What else did he overheard at uni? 

“I got a caramel chai latte for you.”

“I have an espresso and a silk pudding.”

“You look really hot!” She says. 

“Thank you. You do too.”

“Are you trying to flirt?”

“Perhaps…”

He sips his coffee before continuing this conversation:

“I know this is out of the blue but I wanted to invite you for a trip.”

“A trip? I’m interested!”

“You just have to say yes.”

“Destination is?”

“Paris.”

“I’m going. Who else is going to be there

“Just you and me

“So you wanted to have me all for yourself. You're naughty, so naughty.”

“No not really the way you intend it. 

I have business there. I thought it would be a great idea for me to share it with you.”

He’s a business man. The fit matches his job if you get what I’m saying. His hair is slicked all the way to the back. He looks like a total different person.   

“When do we have to leave?”

“We take off Monday, everything is offered by me. I’ll pick you up.”

“I’ll do that. Should I give you my number?” 

“Yes, it’ll make things easier.”

“Do you need my info to book the flight?”

“Send me everything. I’ll take care of it.”

Both of you exchange phone numbers.

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me too.”

He smiles, it’s the first time I've seen him do that.

“I gotta leave. I already paid for our meal. Take care, my love.” 

He kissed my forehead and he left 

Why do my eyes falter me like this out of all places, I have to look at his crotch!! Jeez, I’m a case. 

That’s it! Universe, send some bomb ass dick my way. Since I can’t really get it myself, might as well get some help.

It took me by surprise. A lot of affection just from that. 

I am his love. His love. Bold as shit if you ask me. You can only call me like that after you’ve made me come.

  - - -

This sunday morning at 10 am sharp, someone knocked at my door. Not the best time to come by. I'm butt naked and need to get dressed asap. I grabbed a random sundress and put it on as I got close to the door. I take a look in the mirror in the entry to check if I have any semblance of looking okay. I put myself behind the door and asked:

“Who is it?”

The person behind it answered “it’s me”

I know it’s him. I check through the peephole to verify if it’s really him but I’m rarely mistaken. 

Already! Take your sweet ass time Leo. Come next week, how about that one? Isn’t it too early like wait a month cause you visibly waited three weeks to show up…

I open the door. I’m not surprised by seeing him

I give him that disapproving look all the while checking his fit out

Here she is standing in all her glory. With a purple sundress. She no longer has her dreadlocks. She is probably on a wash and go because I know this smell. Oh, there is something else in the air… cinnamon perhaps?

“Not you showing up!”

“Not you giving me attitude, specifically this one.”

“I don’t want to see or talk to you.”

“That’s how you face reality when problems arise or you encounter difficulties? I thought my queen was smarter than this.”

“I’m not your queen.”

“Bet!”

“Bet?!”

“May I come in?”

“Why would I allow you inside in the first place?”

“You’re right. Uhm let’s go somewhere then. I shouldn’t be invading your privacy?”

“It’s fine. Come in?”

You let him enter your place the living room is at the end of the hallway

He sits down on your couch. 

You decide to position yourself on the opposite side, grab a pillow and let him do the talking because he has to apologise. He better.

He tried to make small talk such as tell how nice the weather has been of lately but he quickly realised that you simply do not care

“Why did you absquatulate two weeks ago? Have you been out this past week? You look like you haven't been properly eating, are you sure you're taking care of yourself?”

“Why are you interrogating me, Leo? Am I a witness and you’re the officer?”

I wouldn’t mind that if you catch my drift, queen.  

“All of a sudden, you seem to care. Three weeks, don't you know how to count?  Were you having fun with Miss Aura? Maybe playing with your 'son' like you should? Getting busy with another bitch 'cause let's face it, you can pull them.

As a matter of fact, I can't grasp the reason why you're here. To end what we had started. 

Well if it's the case, I must inform you that it ended three weeks ago in that car ride.”

“I’m here for you. I would like to know what I can do. Why are you being so cold? You didn't even hug me at the door.”

“Hugh, are you being serious? You've got to be fucking kidding me. You're getting this treatment because I still do not know who Miss Aura,” she punctuates her name “is. And let’s not forget you flatly refused to reveal her identity. In your own words, ‘this ain’t none of your business’ type shit.”

“I had to give you time to reflect upon the way I treated you.

Okay now we're talking. Doesn't mean I'll forgive you though.

That's what you get for being stubborn.

“Okay. You really don’t want to let go of this topic! Well, Aura is my sister.”

“See! Was it hard to tell me?”

“No, I wanted to toy with your feelings. It amused me to see you being this possessive and you wanted to know who she was. 

Would you like to meet her? I know it's a bit hasty but if you want to, I can do that.” 

“You do realise you're toxic, don't you? Not yet. I have to unpack what you did to me.”

And you hit his shoulder playfully.

“I know. It's because for the previous relationships I had, women wouldn't even accept her in their lives. I had to make sure. Don't worry, you aced it. Did much better than them.” 

“Also, since we’re on that topic my son as you had said it on the phone is not your son.”  

“No, it's her son. Unfortunately, her husband passed away when her son was a baby so I have been to a certain extent there for him. He does know that I am his uncle despite the fact I've always called him son.”

Oof the relief, the massive weight lifted off your shoulders is gone. Now that it is cleared out of the way. I also feel really bad now that I know the whole story.

“What do you mean by that?” 

“Nothing important for the time being.”

“Did he just die just like that?”

“No, Actually it was because of an incurable disease. He was on treatment but it seemed like it harmed him in more ways than it helped him.”

“My condolences for this tragic outcome.”

“It's okay.”

Both of you sit in awkward silence for a good five minutes. You're doing everything to avoid his gaze. 

If I look at him now it's game over for me. Like I was being an idiot but still.

Your salvation is the timer going off

“Oh, my pie! Had almost forgotten it!” 

“You made a pie?”

“Yes homemade, it's my grandmother’s recipe. We’ll eat some later with ice cream that sounds about right.”

“Absolutely.”

Maybe we should get some boba tea in the meantime.

Yes! I would love that.

When you're ready to leave, let me know.

Why?

I think you should cover yourself…

Is it cold outside?

A little windy.

She hops in her dressing room for some mules and a cropped denim jacket.

“I'm done.”

“Okay. Let's go!”

Gotta be focused. Don't break character now. One day we'll be together but the timing isn't right.

As soon as we get off of the elevator, he tells me we're going by car.

“You have a new driver?”

“Yes, I do. I'm the one driving today.”

“Oh…”

A sports car? That's too flashy! Once a gentleman, always a gentleman.

“Order anything you desire. As soon as you have everything, we'll sit outside.”

“What about you?”

“Don't worry about me.”

Uh!

“One matcha tea for me and passionfruit for him. I would also like to have a dozen donuts.”

“Which flavours?”

“Give us the best ones, please.”

Leo pays for everything and you head outside to the eating area.

“Let's drink here.”

You sip on your drink for a bit. He's the one starting the conversation: 

“How's work?”

“I'm really busy. There are good days and stressful ones. Once the weekend hits, I feel relieved.”

“What about you?”

“Nothing special, routine stuff you know.”

“Are you going on vacation?”

“Not yet. I'll do it later in August. A lil' after my birthday.”

“Your birthday is…” 

“August 10th.”

She mutters “Fuck! She was right!”

“You said something

“I forgot to ask you that, how silly of me?”

“No at all, it happens.”

I take a glazed donut out of the box and start digging

“Are you?”

“Yes, l'll go with a friend of mine.”

“Sounds fun,” he shrugs back.

“Where?”

“Europe, more precisely Paris.”

“Who organised it?”

“He did.”

He!? I thought it was she as in another girl. Why am I getting worked over it?

“I'm just accompanying him there. He probably has some business to attend.”

“Have fun there. I'm sure Paris and he will treat you right.”

You stayed there for two hours just discussing some trivial matters…

At my place

“They're two flavours in a pot ones. I have belgian chocolate and regular vanilla, salted caramel and brownie. Or, you'd rather have regular ones like vanilla, chocolate or strawberry?”

“I find you're awfully stocked on them.”

“It's normal. Period me needs it!”

“Oh, I see. I'll get the first option and please forget my comment. There is absolutely nothing wrong about having an ice cream reserve at home.”

“Why are you giving me a pot, I thought we'd share?” 

“I don't do that with ice cream.”

“Noted.”

“How is it?”

“It’s really good. I think I can cook and I’ll leave the dessert up to you.”

“I’ll gladly handle it.” 

“You used granny smith apples, right?”

“Yes, they’re my fave.”

“Oh! What a coincidence, me too.”

This conversation is going all too well for someone who was mad up until today. It’s giving bipolar much if I may say so. Well, that’s kind of how I love so, no surprise there.

“About our relationship, I think we should have a break from each other.”

“Yes, I understand.”

“No further questions.”

“You have your reasons for it. I'll simply respect them and distance myself from you.”

His phone rings 

“I really have to answer this call, sorry.”

“Uhm, sure.”

While he talked on the phone, I went about my day. I'm not going to sit and watch him do his thing. My cold exterior may remain but I'll be giddy. I don't like it when I'm like that.

I put the dishes in the dishwasher. Clean the kitchen counter and head to my living room. Have a look around. Check if something needs to be arranged. I pick my computer, my headphones and listen to a city pop playlist whilst typing the piled up emails from this week. I should really stop this shit. It doesn't do me any good. Meh…words don't mean shit without action, do they?

The phone call 

“Good morning Mister Burns ! I hope you're doing well. Am I disturbing you in the middle of anything?”

“No,” he looks at her "not at all. Please go ahead."

"I inform you that next month there is a charity gala you must attend."

"You're talking about that one gala?"

“Absolutely!”

“Can I skip it? I really don't want to be there…”

“Sir? How could you not go there? You need to know that you just have to stay until you meet the people who organised the event. That's it.”

“Still Rie, I don't like them. Can't I send one of my collaborators instead of me?”

“I'm going to sound extremely rude but as far as I'm concerned, none of your collaborators bear your name. You get it now, Mister Burns.”

“Okay Rie. I promise you I'll be there.”

“Thank you, Mister Burns! I know it'll work wonders for this business's future. On that note, I wish you a wonderful day.”

“Thank you, see you later.”

He ends his call and demands my attention. I take off my headphones and give him a yes.

“It was from work, my secretary Rie kind of scolded me.”

“It must have been urgent, I guess…”

“I could say that about the matter.”

I talked with her about next month's event, a charity gala for the prosperity of ingenious people.

“Is that something you created?”

“Not really, the company supports it in some way. I tried my best to dissuade her from telling me to go because I am not fond of those events, honestly. It's too long, formal and it messes up my sleep schedule. I'm not that young anymore, I love my routines.”

“I read that somewhere. It said something like 'old people are so into routines: it is really hard to make them change certain habits' sounds true now that I have a living proof before my eyes.”

So now this is what we're doing. Calling me old? Nevermind, we're casually talking. It’s not meant to hurt me, she’s just stating what’s evident.

“After my secretary Rie convinced me in a rather unusual way. She's scary when she wants me to do something for the good of the company.”

“Bless her soul. She knows how to remind you of important tasks. Is that all?”

“Yes.”

“Make yourself feel at home. Now, if you excuse me.”

She puts her headphones back and starts typing away.

I thought it would be a good idea to invite Y/n, we could start anew. I might be wrong.

Leo left shortly after that phonecall. I think he might have felt out of place and didn’t want to overstay his welcome. Time for me to spill the tea with besties through a videocall meeting.

Marjorie: Brrrr!

Theresa Hey, what up?

Bianca: Howdy?

y/n: I hope y’all doing well I got news

Marjorie: I’m all ears!

Theresa: Got my crunch going!

Bianca: Sippin’ my mimosa!

Y/n: I’m going to Paris! 

Theresa: Jealous! 

Bianca: Switch places with me!

Marjorie: I’ll be a luggage.

Bianca: With who though? Leo, right?

Marjorie: I mean… who else could it be? 

Bianca: Same.

Y/n: No, it’s not him.

Marjorie: What? widened eyes

Theresa: Flabbergasted!? hands over chest

Bianca: Confused  Flick of the wrist bc she thought you’d go with him

Marjorie: Is a bitch fucking your man?

Y/n: No, she isn’t. Rest assured.

Marjorie: You scared me! You know, I’m ready to side you no matter what.

Theresa: So, who's the lucky one?

Bianca: Yep, let us know girl…

Marjorie: You found another one that matched him?

Y/n: No! Not at all, an old acquaintance Benimaru.

Theresa: Pfft… he don’t waste time.

Bianca: With who? 

Marjorie: Never heard of him…

Y/n: We used to be in the same uni.

Bianca: Through my understanding, is he a rival?

Y/n: No, why?

Marjorie: You’re still with your sugar daddy? 

Y/n: No, we’re on a break to figure things out.

Bianca: You dropped him like that!

Marjorie: The streets are scarce, you might not get him back.

Theresa: You menacing y/n?

Marjorie: No, I'm letting her know he's the real deal.

Bianca: I second that.

Theresa: Let y/n explain herself.

Y/n: I know but I deserve to have fun to. Benimaru is a gentleman as well.

Marjorie: I need a report from your time spent in Paris in fine detail, 

pics too, hydrate us much with it.

Bianca: If anything ✨spicy👀 happens, let us know.

Y/n: I will, don’t worry.

Theresa: Have fun and enjoy yourself you should forget Leo a bit for your wellbeing.

Marjorie: Yeah, Theresa got a point. Contact us if anything arises.

Bianca: Without a doubt

Marjorie: Gotta go! My bed calling me.

Theresa: I have to do laundry!

Bianca: Wash day!! 

Y/n: Deuces.

Marjorie and theresa: Bye!

Bianca: See ya.

I should get to packing fast. Like I'm leaving tomorrow.

Maybe should check the weather and bring clothes according to that.

Not a lot of shoes, a solid sneaker pair if not two and two heels as well as sandals.

Shorts, skirts, pants, blouses, t-shirts, pull-overs. We’ll head to the airport in nice silk pyjamas and a hoodie.

And pack my skincare too, in tiny containers.

As I put my luggage by the door, Benimaru sends me a message.

Silly me forgot to ask you where u live.

Send me ur address, I'll pick u up. 

I send it.

Monday at 9 sharp as I'm my way to the entrance, I watch him. Gosh, he looks good! Might bite later… 

“Punctual. Nice!” 

As soon as he sees me, he gets my things for me. 

“Haven't forgotten anything?”

“No, I don't think so.”

“That's great. We'll go to the airport right away.”

“Okay.”

In the car we discuss a little. He's changed a lot he has this charisma that I can't decipher yet. He doesn't deadpan people that much as of now.

“Late music discoveries…”

“Do you have any?” 

“I do.”

“Tell me.”

“I will. I would like to know yours first.”

“Malice mizer, a little conflicted because I didn't discover them earlier but I really love the song au revoir.”

“I'll give them a go.”

“Ready?”

“Yes!”

“Mine is Tricot specifically itazura and potage.”

“I love them too! I gotta say you're a little late,” you snicker.

“Y/n! Here, I thought you'd be nice. Turns out I was wrong.”

“Not really, Tricot is like studying for uni midterms background music.”

“You studied like that?”

“Yep.”

“I did lo-fi!”

“That works too!”

“We're almost getting there.”

“You're right.”

“We'll eat shop a bit and hop on the flight.”

Chapter 4 of After all, it's not a bad idea to get a sugar daddy 

Any kind of interaction is widely welcome!!

2022-2024 all rights reserved to @kaedeakeshisworld.

Translations/ modifications/replicas/property of my work are strictly prohibited. Do not repost/ recommend/ share it elsewhere!

[edsbacktattoo]

I was tagged by @epersonae to discuss my writing process and strap in because it’s fucking strange! 💕

Do you write in order?

100%. Unfortunately I am rather stupid, so my brain can’t maintain coherency if I need to go back and revisit something. It needs to be completed in order. This has in fact led to more than one frustrated breakdown about fic. I will go from Point A to Point B if it kills me. If I don’t know what to do next, I can’t just do the vague -insert short line here about what they’re doing and come back to it later-. I will sit there, completely stuck, until it occurs to me. I do not recommend this and I am also insane.

How fully formed does your writing come out the first try?

About 85%. Once I have that first draft, I look it over and find typos or missing words, etc. Once it’s cleaned up, I start to fix things that don’t flow right or sound strange in my head.

How many drafts do you go through?

Usually one. I will use a second draft if I get really really stuck and have to start again. But I don’t tend to use a whole bunch of drafts, I just keep tweaking the first until it’s in a place I’m happy with.

Tell me about your process.

Please keep in mind that I am very deranged so this almost completely does not make sense.

I usually sit down in bed with a cup of tea or some ice water and start writing. Usually I will have music playing out loud because if I’m using headphones - even though I love them usually - they will make me feel overwhelmed. I play music out loud very very quietly or, if I need to concentrate real hard, I write in silence. And then I just go.

After I get that first word vomit onto the page, I fix it up until it’s legible. I read it over paragraph by paragraph and fix each one as I go.

Then! This is the weird bit!

I have all of my work saved to my microsoft 365 account, which means I can access it from any device that has the app. So! If I’m inspired through the day — usually at work, I can add to it from my phone. In fact, I also do a lot of my writing first thing in the morning straight from my phone. Don’t ask why that happens, I haven’t an answer.

Anyway! After a shift at work, I will sit in my car on the rooftop parking lot of my building, and read my stuff aloud to myself.

I was talking to @skysofrey about this yesterday (while I was sitting in my car and talking to her lmao it’s a safe space <3) but, I used to think doing this was strange. Like 12 months ago I would have punched myself in the throat for even thinking it. But they taught us about this method at uni (thank you, Ursula K. Le Guin I love you forever and ever) and now I can’t finish a piece without reading it aloud first.

Once it’s been read aloud, the wonderful and amazing @tisziny beta reads it for me (I owe them my life) and then I make according adjustments. And then it’s done! :D

I will (no pressure ofc) tag @blakbonnet @wearfinethingsalltoowell @chocolatepot and @abigailpents and also anyone who feels like joining in!! This was fun!

[ukiiyo-e]

Strategies to Help Pass Classes

I just finished my first semester as a graduate student with all As and these are some of the strategies that have helped me. I was one of those “naturally gifted” kids growing up and started to face burnout come college. I passed with a nice GPA, but there were many things I could have done to improve that I’ve used for this semester I’d like to share what can help people in similar situations.

See a therapist: 

Easier said than done, I know, but the help they provide is invaluable. I wasn’t diagnosed with some stuff for a while, and once I was and we worked on ways to deal with it in different areas of life. Since then life became more manageable. DO NOT USE BETTERHELP! For people based in the USA Psychology Today is great, you can slim down the searches to your needs and always look up reviews of the person. Some campuses offer therapy as well; you could always try it out.

Annotating: 

I thought I was too good for it in college and I have been uncomfortable with writing in books since I was young, even more so with ones I’m renting. I’ve tried using more sticky notes, underlining text lightly in pencil, and sticky tabs. It’s been such a huge game-changer! Sure you’ll have to remove all of those when it’s time to return the books, but it’s so worth it!

Grammarly or an alternative of your choice:

Yeah, the commercials are annoying, but it does a good job of cleaning up the little mistakes. I make so many spelling mistakes when quickly typing so I always put it through Grammarly. After that, for bigger assignments, I’ll print it out, take out the red pen and give it one more check over. It has saved me on so many projects and papers.

Map out your writing & Restate the question/items in the rubric in the writing:

I first tried this when completing my certification tests and it helped me to always score high on the essay portions. I tried applying it to my grad papers and I’ve experienced the same effect. Mapping out the writing, jotting down quotes/sources you want to use, as well as points you want to make in each paragraph helps to keep you on track. This prevents you from losing points and makes it easier to compare your paper to the rubric.

Write down a your due dates everywhere: 

I mix up dates frequently so writing them down in my notes, on sticky notes, in my planner, and on my phone aids me in not thinking on top of my game and then gets jumpscared by a close due date I had forgotten. You can’t forget what’s constantly in front of your face. 

Organize your files and save everything your professors give you:

In undergrad I didn’t organize anything, I didn’t receive too many handouts or PowerPoints but I still look back on some of the ones I have to this day to help me. Not to mention college is getting more and more expensive so take everything they give you without remorse. My advisor told me for my program to save everything and that was the plan. I try not to use Google Docs too much, I only use it for smaller drafts and then delete them once they’re transferred and completed. I recommend saving them to a hard drive, and organizing your files by Uni, Semester, then class. It makes me happy knowing I have a myriad of pdfs and links (even very recently written academic articles) that I can use and talk to my colleagues about. Being able to share this with coworkers makes me come across as a stronger and more valuable addition to the team which is a wonderful bonus!

Don’t be afraid to talk to your professors:

The name of the game is networking. You don’t have to be a teacher's pet but show some initiative. Actually read their comments! I know so many people who passed and don’t give a shit what notes the professor leaves. When I noticed a lower grade I talked to my professor about it and found out there was a formatting issue due to the program the uni used, it took a while to figure out but going forward I didn’t lose any more points.  In a different course certain pieces of information the professor gave us on the final project didn’t match so I reached out to ask which was correct as well as some others given it was my first time writing this type of paper. They responded so fast and then sent an email to the rest of my peers addressing the inconsistencies.  That saved me a lot of work and stress!

Rewards and relaxation:

There needs to be a balance between work and relaxation. I would get so worked up and be so hard on myself since this was my first semester and look at all my actions through a microscope to make sure I was doing enough. As I got more accustomed to my schedule I made more time for myself. Do things that make you happy when you can. Now rewards on the other hand acted as motivation. I am unfortunately a procrastinator, especially once I learn how long it takes me to do an assignment. I’m proud of myself for not doing papers last minute like in undergrad and that’s because I would break up certain tasks into days and create small rewards for myself. Example: I have assigned readings I have to do (highlight, annotate, and write a summary of main points and important page numbers in my notebook). Depending on how much reading there is I could either A. Get it all done and reward myself or B. Do about half of it, reward myself, then finish the other half. Rewards to me were like new episodes of a tv show or some time to play a video game. This now makes me feel more comfortable about doing more things when it’s time for summer classes.

Color coding: 

To me, this means using a variety of colors when taking my notes.  If I just take them in one color I find I have a harder time focusing when studying as well as recalling the information when I need it. 

Don’t worry about writing a paper in order:

I struggle with introductions on papers so instead I get all of my body done so I don’t waste time and then work on the introduction. Even with topic sentences I make a note like [TOPIC SENTENCE] and highlight it so I know to go back to it once I finish the paragraph. Probably weird and niche but still figured I should include it lol