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cookierunauprompts · 4 months

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We need to reunite Golden Butter Cookie and Shadow Milk Cookie

One of the first things he does once he gets out of the box is look for the small toy box to see if Golden Butter Cookie is still there. It's awkward at first due to so many years of not seeing each other but they're both relieved to just know the other is alive and well.

That or Gingerbrave and Co convince Golden Butter Cookie out of their toy box and end up facing Shadow Milk Cookie once again after so many years and it invokes so much emotion.

Requested Prompts #25 - 💔( a bit of ✙ as well)

Unlike with my previous posts about her, this prompt/ficlet does not take place in the same timeline as my other Golden Butter Cookie posts. This prompt poses the question that: What if Shadow Milk Cookie, after escaping the tree and fucking around for a moment, immediately went to go find the Toy-Box? This, is the resulting outcome.

----

It certainly felt good being free after all those years he spent imprisoned, Shadow Milk Cookie thought to himself. It had been oh so so so long since he had the chance to torment Earthbread like he did in the past, and he couldn't wait to get started! Just thinking about how everything was like before was enough to get him excited. The way entire kingdoms could crumble to dust after a few whispers to spread distrust, how powerful he had been, the horrified looks upon the faces of those who had stood up to the beasts as they watched their fallen comrades be used as mere puppets for his shows... Oh how all of those things had brought him such twisted glee. But wait, he's forgetting something, isn't he? He'd stopped in his tracks, settling upon a thick branch. He'd only shrunken down from his usual titanic size to make it harder for those pesky cookies to track him after all. He thought, and thought, and thought and thought. Goldie. Shit, fuck, he'd almost forgotten about Goldie! When was the last time he visited her? Probably a few days before he'd gotten sealed. His face paled when he remembered just what he'd said to her on that day. He told her 'I love you', just as he was leaving. Oh, oh he was so fucked. He did not mean to do that, leaving his dear starlight in the dark for... shit, how long had it been? Thousands, his mind supplies him with, not doing anything to help the crushing feeling that he fucked up. If any of the other beasts found out that he did this( not purposefully though, at least), then they would probably kill him before Goldie got the chance to. If Goldie was still alive to kill him. Who knows what thousands of years of being left in the dark after that would do to her mental state? Certainly not something pretty! So now, with much more haste than he had earlier, he rushed to change his course towards the location of the entrance to Golden Butter Cookie's Toy-Box.

---

The minute he entered, he realized that everything was in shambles. Not visually though, everything still looked beautiful. What made it have the status of 'shambles' was the residents. Twisted from the last time he'd seen them thousands of years ago when they were... well, more friendly. A lot more friendly. They used to just tackle him to the ground to restrain him! Not OUTRIGHT TRY TO MAIM HIM! God, if the dolls were like this, then who knew what Goldie was like? He stood surrounded by stuffing and strawberry jam, he doesn't want to question why there even was strawberry jam inside the dolls. He'd actually broken a sweat ripping them to shreds, but it'd be fine, right? Goldie could just repair them... right? " You!" He hears a voice, freezing up almost immediately. " What are you doing back here after so many years?" The voice doesn't sound too happy to see him, but it wasn't Goldie, it was too high-pitched. Turning around, he saw another, less fucked up but still kinda fucked up doll, one that looked more like a cookie. He still remembers his silly suggestion of calling them 'pookies'. He wracks his brain for a moment. " ... Rosemary?" He soon asked confusedly, Goldie's first living creation looked pretty different to what he remembered. One of her button eyes were torn out, leaving only one brightly hued golden button for her to see out of. Her arm also looked like it had been stitched back on rather hastily, the craftsmanship of the stitch was nothing like how Goldie would do it. The short plushie marched up to him, almost angrily. " Where the hell have you even been, huh? You left for over thousands of years, did you even think of how your absence would affect Golden Butter Cookie after you left her with what you said?" Rosemary scolded him, poking him with a plush finger. " Look- I didn't mean to! It's not my fault that we got sealed off by the witches before I could come back!" He argued back, watching something flicker across Rosemary's eye. " ... Of course, it all makes sense. You were practically obsessed with her." Rosemary concluded, looking back up into Shadow Milk Cookie's eyes. " But, she won't be happy to see you.. At least, at first." Before Shadow Milk Cookie could question her further, Rosemary turned around. " It's not safe to continue speaking here, more of the Hyper-focused could come and attack at any moment." She stated before leading Shadow Milk off, he quickly followed her. " Hey! Wait up!"

----

" So... Goldie's gone all Sleeping Beauty? Leaving you guys to, well, go nuts?" Shadow Milk Cookie concluded, sitting cross legged upon the seat he'd been given at the campfire at Salvation's Stitch Village, a safe haven for all the dolls that had either gone dormant or didn't succumb to the the Hyper-Focused's craze. " That's basically what happened, but yes." Another Pookie like Rosemary, he's pretty sure this one is called Basil, replied. " And you, are going to fix it. You're practically responsible for why she's like this anyways!" " Okay okay! Geez, I get it! I messed up big time! Just tell me how to get to Goldie and I'l apologize and this whole thing can get cleared up!" He said, holding up his hands defensively. " An Apology won't cut it, you need to grovel at her feet and beg for mercy!" Basil snapped back, being held back by Rosemary. " Basil! Have patience, I'm sure that He'll be sincere with his apology." Rosemary stated, with that seeming to calm them down. " He better," Basil huffed, " Because if he doesn't, then our mistress will surely kill him." Shadow Milk gulped nervously, they were right, Goldie would probably kill him if he fucked up. He had to play this right otherwise he wouldn't be enjoying his freedom for much longer. " of course I will, what, do you think I'm that much of a monster?" He huffed, crossing his arms. He did feel guilty for what he'd done though, it wasn't something he usually felt nowadays and it felt... weird, yet fitting to feel it now. " So how do I get to the dollhouse?" He asked, to which the two others stiffened up. " The Guards are Hyperfocused, aren't they?" he deadpanned. " No... It's just that... Well, Mistress may have let the place fall into ruin. You might want to mentally prepare yourself before going in." " Psh, I've caused atrocities on the daily? how bad could it possibly be?"

----

Damn, he really kinned Icarus back there, didn't he? The moment that he convinced Thyme( the lone, surprisingly non-hyperfocused guard of the Dollhouse) to let him in he could not prepare for what he'd see on the inside. Sure it looked... normal-ish at first. With only a few things out of place here and there, but the further he got in the more he got a glimpse of how far Goldie had gone. Dolls were strewn about, some living, some... let's just say dormant. Ripping them apart felt disgusting when he saw the strawberry jam leaking from their stuffing, sometimes mixed with cookie crumbles stained with the scent of melted butter. He knew that Goldie never allowed anyone in the Toy-Box if she could help it, so then what had she done to herself? And then, he reached the door that Thyme had told him about. Doors almost twice his current shrunken size loomed before him, emitting an aura that almost sucked all the motivation out of him. It was Goldie's, he knew it. So he pushed the doors open, taking in the sight. Light filtered in through small windows, just enough to illuminate the room in a dim glow. Amongst various pillows, flowers(ones that he could recognize were Pink Camellia, White Roses, Bluebells, Yellow Chrysanthemums and forget-me-nots) and various other plants was a glass coffin, one that he want to rush in and open. Yet his legs refused to budge without significant effort. There she was, Golden Butter Cookie, Goldie. Still looking as beautiful as ever even though she had fallen from her former creative grace. her golden hair curled around her body, though it wasn't as light and fluffy as it had been before she fell. he remembered his first reaction to seeing her new appearance, before he himself fell to his own, more twisted corruption, was concern. Actually, he'd pretty sure that that was the last time she saw him before he himself succumbed to his corruption. He staggered over to the coffin, peeling the sugar glass back to free his beloved. Even after thousands of years his feelings had never died. " Goldie... Hey, Goldie..." He began, poking at her face. " C'mon... wake up... I got somethin' to tell you." Probably not the best way he could have gone about it... but it did the trick. Her eyes fluttered open slowly, drifting towards Shadow Milk Cookie who smiled in return. " Heya Sleepy-head, rise and shine!" He chirped, yeah he should probably be more serious... But come on! It's his Goldie, can't he have just a bit of fun before he does his apology? " Shadow... Milk... Cookie...?" She murmured out, taking a moment to register what she was seeing. He could see the surprise dance across her eyes as she seemed to register that it was him. " Shadow Milk Cookie.... you...." " Yep! It's me, I came back!" He chirped in response, closing his eyes and just missing the way her fist tightened.

It wasn't too long until he felt a hard blow to his entire body. " You bastard..!" He could hear Goldie exclaim, her voice taking upon a hint of rage as he flew out of the room and into the hallway. He crashed into one of the walls with a sharp, hacking cough. He could see a few flecks of blueberry jam come out as well, damn, she was still as powerful as ever. He looked up, noticing her floating form a few ways away. A golden aura of wrath shined around her, a bright light emitting from the spears that she was carrying and also had floating around her. " W-wait! Goldie! Calm down, I can explain everything!" He frantically proclaimed, getting up just in time to dodge a spear thrown right at his shoulder. " As if that would excuse what you did to me!" She yelled, eyes blazing as a few more spears auto-locked onto the jester and fired. " You left me questioning everything I knew about us for thousands of years! Not even once did you think about checking in at all!" He dodged yet another barrage of spears, slightly thankful that none of them were aimed at his heart or head... yet. " Look, I'm sorry, okay?! I didn't mean to do that!" He argued, just having time to grab onto a stray spear to use it to deflect the other spears coming at him, with it turning a vibrant blue as he did so. " But I didn't have a choice! The witches-" " Oh spare me your excuses! You said that you loved me and then you outright ditched me!! There's no reason that can excuse that!" he could see the tears brimming in her eyes, they looked like liquid gold. " I waited for you, I waited so long because I wanted to believe that you still cared about me, that you didn't just want a fancy puppet now. And what did I get in return?" He looked at the spears filling the air around her, crap, he'd die for sure if he couldn't deflect or defend himself from these. because there was no way in hell that he could dodge that many spears. " Nothing. You never came back, even to just explain why." She hissed, the barrage increasing in size as her rage built. " I was devastated, I broke myself apart just to try and forget the pain you caused me... But it didn't work, you stayed in my heart like a parasite feasting on my desire for your affection." Oh, that probably explains the jam and cookie parts in some of the dolls in the dollhouse then. " I-" " Don't even try to lie you're way out of this." She scolded as the tears dribbled down her dough. " This, if for all the pain you've caused. I hope it hurts you like you hurt me, tenfold." The spears begin to fly towards him at Goldie's command, so without hesitation he screamed out what he wanted to say, why he didn't come back. Hopefully he wouldn't be a skewer holder afterwards, this time he couldn't bare the thought of a tragic end, especially for himself. " I WAS SEALED AWAY BY THE WITCHES!! THAT'S WHY I NEVER CAME BACK!" His desperate plead was silenced with an almost breathless gasp as the spears stopped mere millimeters away from his dough. He almost collapsed from the intensity as all the spears, except for one aimed at his neck, slowly disappeared into golden dust. Time seemed to stretch on for eternity. He could hear Goldie's shoes tap against the floor as she walked up to him, taking the last remaining spear away from his neck. Desperation can make the truth come out, and she could tell that Shadow Milk wasn't lying this time. She looked so... tired. She collapsed into his arms, tugging at his ruffled collar. " i should have known..." She mumbled, " I should have guessed that you and the others finally went too far..." She sounded so quiet, so done. So he wrapped his arms around her, slowly, as if she'd crumble if he went too fast. " I'm sorry." He apologized, just holding her so she wouldn't disappear.

#cookie run #cookie run kingdom #crk #cookie run au #shadow milk cookie #cr kingdom #cookie run au prompts #beast yeast #shadow milk cookie x oc #Golden Butter Cookie tag #:) anyways how are y'all feeling

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uwmspeccoll · 10 months

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It's Fine Press Friday!

For today’s Fine Press Friday post, our subject is Bound for the Goldfields, published by the Australia-based Wayzgoose Press in 1990 in an edition of 55 copies, another gift from the estate of book artist and collector Dennis Bayuzick. The original story was written by Charles Dickens for his weekly journal Household Words in June 1855 and the Wayzgoose edition was designed and illustrated with linocuts and wood engravings by Wayzgoose founder Mike Hudson (1939-2021). Ours is a review copy, meaning that this specific book was originally sent out to someone to be reviewed for publication before it was actually distributed.

According to the title page, the story told in this book is a “true account of a journey from Melbourne to Castlemaine by a carrier of supplies to the goldfields.” A journey like this was long and harrowing, as described in the book’s text, which is printed vertically as part of the grassy landscape, and the wood/linocuts provide an excellent visualization of where the traveler physically is within the story being told. Readers will see many trees as the subject walks through forests, sees the night sky, and even the destination of the traveler as he arrives: the tents of those working in the gold fields.

This book was hand-set by Hudson's long-time partner and Wayzgoose Press co-founder Jadwiga Jarvis (1947-2021) in 14pt Monotype Baskerville and was printed on a Western Proof Press using Mohawk Letterpress Paper. Mike Hudson Bound the edition, 46 copies of which were in printed hessian fabric with leather thongs, as shown here.

View other books from the collection of Dennis Bayuzick.

View more Fine Press Friday Posts.

-- Sarah S., Special Collections Graduate Intern

#Fine Press Friday #fine press fridays #letterpress printing #fine press books #Wayzgoose Press #Bound for the Goldfields #Charles Dickens #gold mining #Mike Hudson #Jadwiga Jarvis #Monotype Baskerville #Mohawk Letterpress Paper #Western Proof Press #hessian fabric #Sarah S.

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jcmarchi · 4 months

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50 Free High-Resolution Texture Packs for Designers

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/50-free-high-resolution-texture-packs-for-designers/

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starlight-tav · 9 months

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List of Non-fiction Books on Autism

[Please note: I am only listing the books I have read on this list. This is not meant to be a comprehensive or complete list at all. I want to share the books that have been helpful to me so far. *Updated 09/17/23]

Approaching Autistic Adulthood: The Road Less Travelled by Grace Liu

| This book has a lot of advice about navigating adulthood as an autistic person. I found the advice on dealing with burnout especially helpful!

The Autism Friendly Cook Book by Lydia Wilkins

| This is one of my favorite books! If you're like me, and you really struggle with all things kitchen and cooking, this is a really helpful resource. Not only does it have a useful section that details techniques and supplies that you may need, but the recipes have an estimated energy and skill level! This book has helped me approach cooking more prepared, which helps me with coping with anxiety and preventing meltdowns.

Connecting with the Autism Spectrum: How to Talk, how to Listen, and Why you Shouldn't Call it High-Functioning by Casey "Remrov" Vormer

| This book is one of the most accessible books I've read so far. The language is both concise and easier to follow than most. It is less general than some other books on this list, so if you don't relate to it immediately or at all, that doesn't make you more or less autistic. Your experience (including location, assigned gender, gender identity, sexuality, co-occuring conditions, etc.) influence the way you exist as an autistic person.

Living with PTSD on the Autism Spectrum: Insightful Analysis with Practical Applications by Lisa Morgan, M.ED. and Mary P. Donahue, PH.D.

| If you're struggling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and are on the Autism spectrum, this book could be really helpful! It provides research in plain language and offers helpful examples of how PTSD and ASD can interact. It also shares insight on how to recognize abuse and trauma, as well as how to advocate/seek advocacy for yourself or loved ones with ASD. I think the personal examples are really helpful, but I do want to caution that these also make it another very specific reading experience. If you read it, and do not see your experience represented, that is not your fault!

Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity by Steve Silberman

| Written by a journalist, this book packs a lot of information! It focuses on the history of Autism as a diagnoses, and for that reasons can be overwhelming and heartbreaking at times. The author is (I think) overly sympathetic to H*ns Asp*rger's contribution to Autism research; but from what I understand, the book was written at a time before the extent of his involvement with the N*zi party was understood, so maybe a future addition will reflect what we know now much better. I'm grateful that I read it, because it put my own late diagnosis into a perspective that gives me a little bit more peace.

The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy with Autism by Naoki Higashida

| This book is excellent to read for both autistic people and people who have an autistic loved one since it is focused on answering questions about how some autistic people think and behave (like stimming.) The author is an autistic boy who uses communication aids to express himself, and he has many insights into what it's like to have specific support needs and how it can be challenging to get those needs met.

Sensory: Life on the Spectrum organized and edited by Schnumm

| This is an anthology of comics by autistic creators who use visual story-telling to talk about their experiences. It was so nice to see my experiences in their stories, and to see other's experiences that I can't relate to as well!

Sincerely, Your Autistic Child: What People on the Autism Spectrum Wish Their Parents Knew About Growing Up, Acceptance, and Identity edited by Emily Page Ballou, Sharon daVanport, and Morénike Giwa Onaiwu

| This collection of essays/letters is wonderful, especially if you wish to learn more about the experiences of a diverse group of autistic people. It highlights that there are as many ways to be autistic as there are autistic people in the world (something that many of the books on this list say.)

Spectrums: Autistic Trans People in Their Own Words edited by Maxfield Sparrow

| "friend of mine, i am here, too. i am flapping and humming and feeling and being. i am learning who i am, i am being who i am, i am being loud and bright and joyful and true! and they are afraid, and they do not understand, but i am not for them, and friend of mine, neither are you" (from "a letter to a friend" by ren koloni).

This collection is so, so important to me as a genderqueer autist. The above quote is from my favorite contribution in the book, and I'm so grateful to the author for their words.

Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity by Dr. Devon Price

| This was the first book I read when I learned that I'm autistic. It is informative and compassionate. I think it is on the lower end of accessibility on the list so far, but it still does a wonderful job of explaining some of the difficult concepts. I think Dr. Price's explanation of the difference between bottom-up and top-down thinking is the best I've read so far, which was especially difficult for me to wrap my head around as a literal thinker. Just remember that if you pick up a book and it's difficult to understand, you're allowed to ask for help, take time to away from it, or put it down for good.

That's the list so far! I'm constantly searching for more books to read, so if you have recommendations, please let me know!

#books #autism #autism books #autism resources #books by autistic people #books by autists #actually autistic #resources for autistic people #book lists #special interest #special interest: books

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warmglowofsurvival · 10 months

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Twenty One Pilots’ Josh Dun Builds His Dream Studio, Part 1

Drums rule inside the Boom Boom Room, the new home facility of Twenty One Pilots drummer Josh Dun and his wife, voice artist Debby Ryan.

By: Steve Harvey

Columbus, OH (August 1, 2023)—The Boom Boom Room—Twenty One Pilots drummer Josh Dun’s studio at his new house in Columbus, Ohio—is a visual treat. The bold aesthetic comes from Dun and his wife, actress, singer and voice artist Debby Ryan, whose quirky and eclectic taste is on display throughout their home.

While fitting in with the home’s overall aesthetic, the studio has been primarily designed as a space where Dun can practice and record his drums, both for band projects and his collaborations with other artists. It’s also set up to accommodate visiting musicians and for Ryan to record voiceovers, ADR for film and television, and her podcast.

If you are unfamiliar with Twenty One Pilots, well, where have you been? Since breaking into the mainstream in 2015 with their fourth studio album, Blurryface, the Grammy-winning twosome—drummer Dun and lead vocalist and multi-instrumentalist Tyler Joseph—have been flying high. In early 2018, Blurryface became the first album in the digital era to achieve RIAA gold, platinum or multi-platinum status for each of the 14 songs. One year later, the album’s 12-song predecessor, 2013’s Vessel, repeated the feat, making the duo the first artists in history to have every song from two separate albums certified at least gold by the RIAA.

The next full-length, 2018’s Trench, became Twenty One Pilots’ third consecutive platinum-certified album, cementing their success. Then along came Covid-19, and the hard-touring duo was suddenly grounded. Their most recent album, the low-key Scaled and Icy (a play on “scaled back and isolated”), was written and largely produced by Joseph at home in Columbus during the pandemic, while Dun, in a first for the drummer, engineered his contributions in the studio at his and Ryan’s house in Los Angeles.

Which brings us back to the Boom Boom Room. After seven years in L.A., Dun and Ryan made the decision to buy a house in Dun’s hometown of Columbus, where Joseph was also born and still lives. “Josh called me and said, ‘Hey, I just bought a house in Columbus. We should build a studio,’” recalls TJ Bechill, co-founder/senior technician with NEAT Audio.

GETTING THE BAND TOGETHER

Bechill goes way back with Twenty One Pilots. In 2012, working as a studio-focused senior sales engineer at Sweetwater Sound in the artist relations division, he saw the band on television, tracked down their FOH engineer and introduced himself. To cut a long story short, the relationship snowballed, eventually leading Bechill to set up NEAT (Next Era Audio Technologies), which specializes in redundant live playback rigs. “By the time I left Sweetwater in 2018, I had over 300 national tours that I was either selling or building rigs for,” he reports.

Along the way, Bechill, who also works for Fender, has held a variety of touring and technical positions with the band, has equipped and managed two studio build-outs for Joseph, and supplied all the gear for Dun’s L.A. studio. As a result, when Dun got in touch about building a facility at his house in Columbus, Bechill knew just who to call first—Indiana-based acoustical consultant Gavin Haverstick of Haverstick Designs, who designed and built both of Joseph’s studios, one in a basement, one in a sunroom.

Haverstick recalls walking through the prospective new house with the couple: “I’m in Indianapolis, so I drove over to tour the house with Josh and Debby. They were wondering if the place would work. Luckily, there was a ready-made spot for the studio in the basement.”

You’ve probably seen rooms designed by Haverstick, perhaps without realizing it. He’s built any number of facilities for commercial, educational and HOW clients, as well as musicians such as Tori Kelly, Polyphia’s Tim Henson, Brooklyn Duo, David Crowder and Luca Pretolesi (Studio DMI). However, unlike some acoustic architects, he doesn’t follow a template or impose his aesthetic on his clients. “We love the fact that all of our rooms look different, because every one of our clients is different,” he says. “We create rooms that inspire; that’s our mission statement.”

It follows that one of the first things Haverstick does is find out what inspires his client. “Josh would share Instagram posts with me and say, ‘I like this aspect of this studio,’ or, ‘Do you think we could do the lights like this?’” he says. “The cool part about working with Josh and Debby was that their whole house is unique, kind of out there and quirky. It was fun, because any idea that I had, I knew it wasn’t going to be too over-the-top.”

The walk-out basement space was previously a children’s playroom. To create a control room, Haverstick extended the space and canted out the walls for acoustical purposes. “It’s just nice to have a bigger control room, plus it helps with the low-frequency response,” he says.

Live Sound Showcase: Twenty One Pilots

The geometry of the control room’s black and gray wall treatments creates the illusion of a larger space. Lines draw the eye to the studio glass and the live room beyond, where a wall of vibrant flowers, the work of Australian husband-and-wife visual artists DABSMYLA, present a colorful backdrop. Haverstick was inspired by the DABSMYLA mural in the high-ceilinged sunroom directly above the roughly octagonal-shaped tracking space.

“I said, ‘Give me 10 extra feet of that image and we can put that on the walls.’ They loved it, and it became a signature part of the live room,” Haverstick says. Matthew Call of Simplified Acoustics handled all the fabric and interior acoustical treatments.

The Boom Boom Room was general contractor Charlie Griffey of Griffey Remodeling’s first recording studio job. Haverstick says Griffey was a joy to work with during the project, which took about a year from start to finish: “Charlie was awesome. He likes to learn, so he would even show up when he didn’t need to be there because he was genuinely curious about how things were going. He took a lot of pride in what he did, and he just nailed it.”

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boinin · 1 year

Text

Blue Lock Manga

We've been blessed by Chp 218 🙌 It's had a mixed response but I enjoyed it a lot.

Thoughts under the cut.

Previous chapter analyses

The art continues to blow me away. I didn't appreciate it as much when I was bingeing through the chapters, or when I watched the anime 🙃 but gosh it's so pretty. These are my personal favourite panels this week. The one with Barou and Isagi is so evocative. A clear visual explanation of the difference between Metavision and Predator Eye.

Isagi is data scientist AU anybody?

He's SUCH a dork, and I mean that in the kindest sense. Bro's reeling off completely fabricated terms to Niko like he's teaching a class 🥹 I love that he's so keen to pass on what he's learned. He's shown himself to be a voracious learner, going to everyone from Barou to Rin to Kunigami for tips. I want to see someone ask him for instruction!

Also - how cute are Aiku and Niko in this chp?! They're like brothers. I have a draft outline in my writing vault for an Ubers found family fluff fic featuring these two, and this isn't helping me ignore it.

Not everyone has metavision, what a shocking reveal /s It felt heavy handed in delivery, but it shows who Isagi's rivals are in terms of playmaking and predictions. No, Raichi isn't coming for Himsagi's bag yet.

Another amazing set of panels, love it any time they go nuts with the puzzle pieces. Isagi lists only four... but I think Kaneshiro's setting up Aiku to be the surprise fifth MV user. He might not consciously activate the ability as Isagi does, but he's definitely capable.

I had sight of these panels from the leaks when I was writing up the chp 217 post, so I won't rehash the BM v Ubers point. But I like how this visualises their differences. The art is grotesque but really beautiful at the same time. Look at Isagi naming himself at the top alongside Kaiser! That's ego growth for you.

On that note: who's the Game Changer this chapter's talking about? Isagi seems to think it's going to be one of him or Kaiser, or out of Ubers, Lorenzo, Barou, Aiku or Niko. Naturally, it's not likely to be any of these, cos ✨suspense✨

The chapter itself ends with a suggestion that it'll be BM that supplies it...

EMOGAMI PLEASE, DO SOMETHING WITH THAT EDGE OF YOURS, WHAT'S THE POINT OTHERWISE 😭

I'm biased towards my boy Rensuke, but I'll try to be objective here. On the subreddit, people are split 50:50 between being excited that he's getting a moment, or rolling their eyes at that edgy ball steal. I couldn't care less about whether this is an accurate depiction of soccer playing or not (it's a shounen battle manga as far as I'm concerned). But I do think Kunigami's solo run will get shut down next chapter. He hasn't had a lot to do in this match, but I think Kaneshiro will hold back on Kunigami's development for the PXG showdown.

In the last panel, you can see Kunigami's barrelling towards the goal. There's two defenders up ahead. One is Niko, who's apparently well-suited to reacting to sudden threats (i.e. him tackling Isagi). The other is not so obvious... but odds are, it's Aiku. Who's also not done a lot so far and who doesn't have a grudge against Shidou Ryuusei to milk later

My prediction? Kunigami will outmuscle Niko, but get walled by a levelled-up Aiku, leaving a free ball for Kaiser or Isagi to claim.

As for who'll be the true game changer? Said it already, but if Hiori's not getting subbed on for our newly christened royal trash!Ness in the next five chapters, I'll eat my hat. 🐑

No more commentary from me. Just signing off with a glorious narcissistic bastard entering flow 💅

#kaiser is such a bastard love him for it #bllk chp 218 #text post #blue lock spoilers #mine #isagi yoichi #michael kaiser #ikki niko #kunigami rensuke #aiku oliver #bllk #bllk manga spoilers #bllk manga #blue lock #boinin talks bllk

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zahrsmind · 1 month

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Fuck it all.

I got my mind in the palm of my hand. I don’t wanna lose it. I got my heart in the left, I don’t wanna break anymore than it already is. Visuals of you walking out the door as I cry for hours more. You would think I learned my lesson by now. Think I have it somewhat figured out. A girl like me is incapable of receiving that love she gives out. The love she dreams. The love everyone in her life gets to experience. That’s what it seems. Maybe my issue is, I got too much baggage. And they don’t notice until it’s dragging. I end up being the one they regret. Or the one they fall out of love with. I shut down soon as the words hit. I back out soon as you hurt this heart of mine, is not of gold. It’s of good intention. It’s not pure. And it ain’t damaged. It still beats prior to multiple surgeries.

Just has a different rhythm. I’m not a broken doll. As my pieces fall, I count them all. I can be restored. I will find the light inside me again and hold it tightly. I don’t know the reason why I loosened my grip. Maybe I was being co-dependent. Maybe I should have taken my own advice to know my place and furnish it nice. Truth is, if we don’t do this, I’m putting all my guards back up cause my friends don’t know me as well as this. I don’t tell them what you know. I don’t show them what I’ve shown. I’m selective. You can call it childish and tell me I’m wilding. Tell me, to you, it’s not that deep. But do you remember how it felt to finally release all your love to one person? Tell them things you’ve never said out loud. No withholding. Laugh with them about things you used to never joke about. Be so vulnerable, you can feel the rawness of your skin. Do you remember how good it felt to breathe again?

I don’t depend on you for air supply. I don’t expect you to stay past your time. I’m trying to be mature but I can’t bring myself to say it was good while it lasted. And just let you walk right past me. Truth is, I want to crash out. For things you don’t even know about. For reasons, I could never get out. For being such a fuck up, everything I love turns to dust. I think I should put my heart up and let it rust. Truth is, I’ve had enough. My mind needs to take over before auto pilot does. Cause I’m having a hard time staying sober. It’s on my mind like good days. Tears flood my eyes and drown my face. Yet, my expression stays the same. Even when I’m fucking losing it, I try my best to maintain. I say fuck it all.

- z.m.

#blackgirlswhoblog #poetry #writers #writtingcommunity #new poets society #blackgirlswhowrite #heartbreak #mental heath support #mentally tired #mental health #fuck it

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brokehorrorfan · 2 years

Photo

Scream Factory has revealed the specs for its The Return of the Living Dead Collector’s Edition 4K Ultra HD, which releases on October 18. Due to licensing issues, it will feature the same song replacement as the previous Blu-ray.

Shout Factory is carrying an exclusive bundle that includes a set of four enamel pins designed by Matthew Skiff (limited to 1,000) and an 18x24 poster featuring the theatrical artwork for $94.99 (pictured below).

The 1985 horror comedy is written and directed by Dan O'Bannon (co-writer of Alien). Clu Gulager, James Karen, Thom Matthews, Don Calfa, Beverly Randolph, Miguel A. Núñez Jr., and Linnea Quigley star.

The Return of the Living Dead has been newly scanned in 4K from the original camera negative and is presented in Dolby Vision (HDR 10 compatible) with DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 and 2.0 sound.

The three-disc set includes the extended workprint cut of the film (in standard definition), the documentary More Brains: A Return to the Living Dead, and more. Details are below.

Bonus Features

Disc 1 - 4K UHD:

Audio commentary director Dan O’Bannon and production sesigner William Stout

Audio commentary by actors Thom Mathews and John Philbin and makeup effects artist Tony Gardner

Audio commentary by production designer William Stout and actors Don Calfa, Linnea Quigley, Brian Peck, Beverly Randolph, and Allan Trautman

Audio commentary by Gary Smart (co-author of The Complete History of the Return of the Living Dead) and Chris Griffiths

Zombie subtitles

In Their Own Words - The Zombies Speak

Disc 2 - Blu-ray:

Audio commentary director Dan O’Bannon and production sesigner William Stout

Audio commentary by actors Thom Mathews and John Philbin and makeup effects artist Tony Gardner

Audio commentary by production designer William Stout and actors Don Calfa, Linnea Quigley, Brian Peck, Beverly Randolph, and Allan Trautman

Audio commentary by Gary Smart (co-author of The Complete History of the Return of the Living Dead) and Chris Griffiths

The Decade of Darkness – ‘80s horror featurette

Theatrical trailers

TV spots

Still gallery – Posters, lobby cards, stills, and behind-the-scenes photos

Still gallery – Behind-the-scenes photos from special makeup effects artist Kenny Myers

Zombie subtitles

In Their Own Words - The Zombies Speak

Disc 3 - Blu-ray:

The Return of the Living Dead workprint (standard definition)

More Brains: A Return to the Living Dead - 2011 feature-length documentary with cats and crew

FX interviews with production designer William Stout, FX make-up artists William Munns, Tony Gardner, Kenny Myers and Craig Caton-Largnet, visual effects artists Bret Mixon and Gene Warren Jr., and actor Brian Peck

Music interviews with music consultants Budd Carr and Steve Pross and soundtrack artists Dinah Cancer (45 Grave), Chris D (The Flesh Eaters), Roky Erickson, Karl Moet (SSQ), Joe Wood (T.S.O.L.), Mark Robertson (Tall Boys), plus musicians Greg Hetson (Circle Jerks) and John Sox (The F.U.’s, Straw Dogs)

Interview with John A. Russo

Production design interviews with writer/director Dan O’Bannon and production designer WIlliam Stout

The Dead Have Risen – interviews with cast members Clu Gulager, James Karen, Don Calfa, Brian Peck, Thom Mathews, Beverly Randolph, Linnea Quigley and more

Interview with writer/director Dan O’Bannon (his final interview)

Horror’s Hallowed Grounds filming location featurette

When an accident at a medical supply warehouse reanimates an army of corpses, they arise from their graves with a ravenous hunger… for human brains!

Pre-order The Return of the Living Dead.

#return of the living dead #horror #80s horror #1980s horror #the return of the living dead #scream factory #dvd #gift #matthew skiff #dan o'bannon #clu gulager #james karen #thom mathews #linnea quigley #80s movies

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workingmomsofsanantonio · 2 months

Text

Beyond Busy: The Art of Time Management for Working Moms

Beyond Busy: The Art Of Time Management For Working Moms Time Management Tips

Jan 15, 2024

If you often find yourself caught in the whirlwind of managing work, family, and everything in between, you're definitely not alone. I get it—the juggling act of being a working mom is no small feat. But fear not, because today, I’m diving into the world of time management. Let's uncover some small, totally doable techniques to help you reclaim control of your schedule and make the most out of every precious moment!

The Art of Time Management

Time management isn't about fitting more into your day; it's about making the most of the time you have. It's a skill that, once mastered, can transform the chaos into a well-orchestrated symphony. Start by acknowledging that you are an amazing working mom managing multiple roles, and you deserve a strategy that works for you.

Creating Daily and Weekly Schedules

Get that planner ready (oh man, this is my favorite part), because we're diving into the nitty-gritty of scheduling. Begin by outlining your priorities for the day and week. Assign specific time blocks for work tasks, family time, self-care, and those unexpected mom duties. Having a visual roadmap can be a huge when it comes to time management, and if it makes it into the planner, you're so much more likely to commit to getting it done!

Setting Priorities and Goals

Prioritization is key. Identify the tasks that truly matter and most importantly, the ones that align with your goals. Whether it's a work deadline, a school event, or your much-needed 'me' time, knowing your priorities helps you allocate time where it matters most!

Delegating Tasks

Meet your sidekick—delegation. If you’re anything like me, it may be a struggle to admit this, but it's okay not to do it all! It’s important to delegate tasks at work and home, whether it's assigning chores to the kids or partnering with a colleague on a project. Remember, you're not relinquishing control; you're smartly distributing the workload, and hopefully acknowledging other’s strengths in the process!

Overcoming Procrastination

Procrastination is the arch-nemesis of productivity. Kick it to the curb by breaking tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Set super realistic deadlines and reward yourself when you achieve them. Small victories pave the way for significant accomplishments!

Pro-Tip: When you make a to-do list, put everything on there—big or small! There’s something so satisfying about checking things off that list, even if it’s something as small as making your bed, and it will help motivate you to tackle the bigger, less desirable tasks!

Time-Saving Tips for Busy Moms

Let's talk about efficiency hacks. Embrace technology—use apps for grocery shopping, meal planning, and task management. Batch similar tasks together, like responding to emails or tackling household chores. And yes, saying 'no' is a powerful time-saving tool...a good friend of mine recently reminded me that “no” is, in fact, a complete sentence and can be used as such! It really is about preserving your energy for what truly matters!

Remember, time management is a journey, not a destination…and it will help you craft a life that aligns with your values and goals. Embrace the process, be kind to yourself, and celebrate the victories, big or small. You've got this, and I’m here cheering you on every step of the way!

About the Author:

Erika Radis is a Co-Founder of Working Moms of San Antonio. She is a real estate agent, graphic designer, podcaster, office supply enthusiast (is there anything better in this world than a good pen?)and San Antonio area Working Mom. She has owned and run her own businesses for the last decade, all while raising her 3 daughters and enjoys providing valuable resources for Working Moms in the San Antonio area! You can follow Erika on Instagram or on Facebook.

www.workingmomsofsanantonio.com

#working moms #entrepreneur #business #networking #blog #san antonio #time mamagement #satxlocals #satx #follow #instagram #facebook

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windwardstar · 1 year

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that one t post

Since there's some of y'all who showed interested, here's the big rundown of my experiences with T. This covers being on T for 3 month at 26, stopping it for a few years, then the first 9 months of being on T at 28. Contains the changes that have happened while I’ve been on T + the interactions with my other health conditions + the process of accessing care. It’s safe for work/reading in public as far as any puberty/medical body talk is. Word count is ~8k.

T round 1 (2019 - I was 26)

If you followed me back in 2019, you might recall me getting on T at the end of that year.

I didn’t have a PCP and was in a very conservative state which made me concerned about finding a trans friendly provider, so I decided to go through Planned Parenthood knowing it was informed consent. The PP that had a gender clinic and was open on my day off was on the other side of the state/2 hour drive one way. But also, when I went to book an appointment they had one for the same week/the next day so I didn’t have to wait. I had insurance through my work that partially covered the visit, the lab work, and the prescriptions. This was out of network for my insurance so I paid more than if it was in network. My local pharmacy was the Sam’s Club which has $4 prescriptions for members- which is what I ended up paying as it was significantly cheaper than my insurance co-pay. (I did not get a prescription for a sharps container and bought one from the local store.) I got my supplies in 3 month batches and didn’t have any issues with the pharmacy.

At the appointment, I was given a big packet of “side effects” (aka the desired results) it included a handy chart of when certain changes would likely happen. My provider went over it with me to make sure I knew what to expect, and asked me a couple questions about my gender identity and transition goals to get a feel for me and make sure this was what I wanted. I was completely out at work and socially. I had very recently moved out of an abusive homelife and was catching my feet mental health wise, but I was in therapy at the time and on medications that had been as a consistent dose for about a year (aka: mental health problems were well controlled), so the doctor was comfortable prescribing me T. We decided to try weekly injections first to limit potential high/lows on a longer dose cycle.

The Labs for this provider were Initial Labs, 3 Months, 6 Months, Then Yearly. My 3 Month Labs hit right at the start of Covid Lockdown, I wasn’t able to get in for them (perpetually overlapping quarantines at work yo), the shift to telehealth hadn’t happened, and then I ran out of my psych meds (antidepressant and an antipsychotic/mood stabilizer) so my executive functioning skills went bye-bye for a while. So I couldn’t get my prescription renewed and had to stop T after like 3 months.

I took Testosterone Cypionate (0.25 ML, 0.50 MG) by Intramuscular (IM) Injections in my thigh once a week. The syringes had a twist on/off for the needles themselves (bigger one for the drawing up, smaller for the injection). They hurt a lot for me. I’d get a bruise around the injection site and the muscle would be very sore for 2-3 days after and hurt when I walked or used the muscle. It wasn’t enough to make me want to stop, but it wasn’t pleasant.

(Because of the long drive, the doctor didn’t have me come back for the first shot, just confirmed I was comfortable administering it myself and knew the process. She said if I ran into problems there were youtube videos I could look at or I could call.)

I did have issues with my needle phobia, but before getting to the part of actually seeking out access to T, I’d done a lot of work to manage it. The few years prior to starting T, I’d had to get a lot of blood drawn for lab work, several IVs, and quite a few vaccines which had helped me calm down so I was no longer having panic attacks around needles. The biggest thing that helped though was mental work and visualization. I started out just contemplating the concept of T injections in the abstract, then read posts with people talking about injections, looked at visuals of needles/syringes and people administering them. The last step was then thinking about giving myself injections and visualizing it. The whole time I tried to associate it with all the positive things I’d hoped to get from T and reminding myself the injections/ivs/blood draws of the previous years had all been perfectly fine and my anxiety was not reflecting what actually happened. (I also got a tattoo a month or so before I started T and after the initial anxiety I was mostly just fascinated by watching the tattoo gun, which was what really made me think I could do the T injections.) It took a long time to get to that point. When I started, I was only able to think about needles for a few seconds at a time. But I was able to give myself my first T shot with only a little anxiety (my hands shook a lot). And with each successful injection, the anxiety went down.

The Changes on T (1-3 Months):

Increased body hair. I noticed the hair on my thighs thickening and darkening around the injection sites, but not really much else. The peach fuzz on my face increased and I got a few dark hairs but there wasn’t really anything to shave. I think I shaved my face once because I wanted to not because there was anything to really shave…

Voice Changes: I sang quite a bit so I noticed that my lower register got fuller and the lowest end of my range got easier to access, but other than that there weren’t any vocal changes that I noticed. I didn’t get any voice breaking or cracking.

Bottom Growth: Yeah, there was some of that. Enough I noticed. Things also got very very sensitive and painful. OTC pain meds and ice packs helped. Loose clothes. Also manspreading.

Periods: They got lighter and less painful almost immediately, and I skipped one 3 months in. Then I ran out of T and got my period back the next month.

Acne: I didn’t get acne until the 3 month mark or so, but that also coincided with the start of wearing masks. It got really painful so I started using the OTC acne cream I used in high school, and it cleared up to something manageable once I was off T. (My teenage acne hit HARD at 13 and didn’t clear up until I was 24.)

Nightmares: The first month I started getting a significant increase in nightmares/remembering them upon waking up. This may have been because I had just moved into my own place and escaped an abusive environment, but my therapist at the time mentioned that nightmares were a common thing for people starting T (it is a big hormone change so y’know).

Other Changes: there may have been some, but it’s been a few years so I don’t really remember.

T round 2: 9 Months (2022 started at 28)

The goal was always to get back on T. It just took a while. Cross country move (liberal state now yo), new job, getting new insurance. Once I did, I had to figure out where to get T again. The planned parenthoods were all booked months out and none open for gender clinic stuff on my days off.

I went through my doctor’s office, found out they have a special gender health program for trans people and transferred care to them. I had to wait like a month to get an appointment, but it means my PCP/GP is versed in trans care and does all my hormones. The experience is fantastic. The whole office used my chosen name and pronouns before they got legally changed and had the ability to change the display name on my chart so everyone would use the correct one.

The initial visit was via phone. It was a lot of the same causal “tell me about yourself and your transition goals” as the last time. We skipped a lot of the “this is what t will do” since I already knew it, and folded it in with talking about my experience being on T previously, what I liked, what I hoped for, what I found difficult, etc. I was off the psych medications I had been on the last time, but since I’d been off for two-ish years and was stable, I was ok to restart T. We started me off on the same dose and frequency I had been on previously, but because the IM had been painful, we switched to SubQ.

I didn’t need any initial lab work done, but I’ve done them every 3 months after starting. I had to go in person to pick up my prescription (which I did the next morning after my initial telehealth visit, the pharmacist called the insurance to get the authorization & everyone there was super great) and meet with the nurse to administer my first shot. The doctor poked her head in to say hi in person.

My insurance covers the visits, lab work, and prescriptions. I did have to get prior authorization and have a letter from the insurance company stating my T prescription is approved for a year. I got a prescription for a sharps container this time since the stores did not have any on the shelves. (The pharmacy was out of the small ones too, so I ended up with the big gallon size. It takes up a ton of space under the sink, but it should last me several more years before I have to dispose of it.) My needles also just have a smooth pop on/off to attach to the syringe.

For the first six months, the depo was a 0.25ML/0.50 MG SubQ injection once a week. Because there were certain changes I wasn’t seeing, at 6 months my dose was increased to 0.40ML/0.80MG SubQ once a week.

The SubQ injections basically don’t hurt after I’ve injected them. A couple times I injected them too quickly (just sticking the needle in and pressing down on the plunger too hard and forcing the liquid in, then pulling the needle out immediately) and those are when I’ve noticed redness, swelling, and soreness around the injection site. So my process for minimal pain and bleeding: wait until I’ve got cool skin (not right after a shower), inject slowly, count to 10 before pulling out the needle. Warming up the vial in my hands so the T isn’t cold and making sure everything is dry from the alcohol swabs before injecting also helps with the initial injection pain.

The anxiety around needles has basically all disappeared so I have no issue giving myself injections.

(I have a problem with my T vials crystallizing. I’ve found they take ages to dissolve, so I stick them in a pocket/waistband to keep them warm against my skin for an hour or so as I go about my morning, shaking it every now and then to see how it’s doing. I do my shot on my day off when I generally have time to do that. This time it’s Fridays. Last time it was Wednesdays.)

I started T (again) in April 2022 at 28

(Idk how the math works on these changes when you start/stop/restart on T. I wasn’t able to find anything. Probably because there’s not enough data on it. Given the length of the break, the T levels in my system had definitely reset, and I hadn’t been on T very long previously. Some of my changes went faster than the expected timeline, some slower, some about the same. So know there’s a parenthetical +3 months to all of this.)

Voice Changes: I noticed a continuation of the pattern from the last time. My lower register got much fuller and easier. My upper range started getting harder to reach. Nothing cracking or breaking, but there were some notes I was struggling to reach by the time the choir concert rolled around in mid-May. I started off bordering soprano/alto and was clinging to the alto range before we broke for summer (1-2 months)

I caught COVID from work over Memorial day (~2 months in) and my voice cracked a bit. I went into COVID being able to talk, was sick for a week, and then when the Covid cleared my voice was fried. I sounded terrible talking. Singing wise, my lower range had extended and my upper had come down, but I was still easily able to slip into my head voice.

Started Summer Choir at the end of June. I spent the first few weeks feeling like the songs were a little low for my range. Then things shifted again (~3months) and my singing range shrank to about 3 notes, I could not reliably open my mouth and make a sound, my breath control disappeared. I had one volume I could sing in, no going louder or softer or the sound would disappear. I sounded like a squeaky clarinet. (I did a very good seagull impression.) It was terrible and I loved every minute of it because it was so euphoric. I didn’t sound like a girl. I was firmly in the Tenor range. I was experiencing the puberty I’d always wanted to. (It was hard to tell with the first drop since it happened while I had COVID, but the second time my voice really cracked, I also had a really dry and sore throat.)

Enter August (~4 Months) my range was starting to re-expand. The low notes/chest voice coming back first. I was also figuring out how to make noise with the new instrument, because speaking and singing is all muscle memory. Which meant everything I knew previously was basically irrelevant at best and counter productive at worst. My brain would know how to produce a note on my pre-t vocal chords, so it would try to do what it had done before and either a) nothing would come out because my vocal chords are no longer capable of producing those notes or b) it would come out but be much lower. (I’m still working on retraining this 9 months in. My mental voice and physical voice do not match. I still think I sound like my pre-t self. Like, the thinking voice in my head sounds like my pre-T voice, it hasn’t dropped yet. Which makes singing difficult because I don’t know intuitively how I sound now. I have to adjust once I start making noise.) I was able to make my way through the concert at the end of August, but there were things too high for me since I wasn’t able to access that part of my range yet.

September/October/November/December (month 5-8) my singing range continued to expand and stabilize, the lower notes got much easier, volume control came back, my breath control returned with practice, and some access to my head range. My voice fatigues easily, but that’s getting better too. The vocal fry/clarity of my voice is getting better as well. I had to stop multiple times per rehearsal over the summer, but by December I was able to make it almost the whole rehearsal before reaching my limit. I do not have a smooth transition between notes and get stuck in low gear so to speak. Pre-t my favorite things to sing were songs where I jumped around my entire range. I miss that flexibility, but there are new things to enjoy singing now. I’m also only 9 (+3) months in, and my voice is going to continue to develop. My goals right now are just to continue exploring my singing voice as things change, and to try and get my brain to match what the new pipes can do.

(January 1st, Month 9 (aka today while I was waiting to do a final round of edits on this post) I had a moment where things finally clicked into place for my singing voice. I was singing while doing the laundry, and I was just able to actually sing without feeling any strain. It felt easy and natural coming out. I had to focus on what I was singing to a degree, but not to the exclusion of doing other activities. The sound didn’t crack or disappear on me, and I didn’t run out of breath mid phrase. I was able to actually sing. It was also a moment where I was able to hear my voice and think “this is what I sound like, this is my voice” as opposed to the transitory state it’s existed in since I first started noticing changes. It’s also just a sense of feeling completed and right. I cried, and there was joy, but the predominant emotion was just feeling that things had finally aligned into where they were meant to be and an overwhelming settling peace.)

My biggest thing right now is just how much more air it takes to make sound, speaking or singing. My laugh has turned from a giggle to just blowing air out through my teeth or a bunch of kekekekeke where the sound is from my tongue stopping the air rather than my vocal chords making noise. Singing, I am having to breathe much more frequently than before. Speaking, I sometimes don’t do enough air and sound doesn’t come out. I go nonverbal A LOT more than before because the physical act of speaking has become harder. That initial start up to making noise is sometimes more than my brain can figure out in the moment.

My speaking voice has also changed a lot. The pitch has dropped, it’s gotten much rougher, but I tend to speak in a very femme manner. People have definitely noticed it’s dropped, but it sounds more “cold/laryngitis” than “guy.” People have definitely started reacting differently when they hear me speak over the phone, but I’ve yet to get any comments and it’s not been enough to keep strangers from misgendering me. I have the ability to sound like a guy, there are times when I am relaxed and can hear it come out. The bulk of how my speaking voice sounds is from how I’m using it. I sound like a girl to others because of all those aspects of speech that have nothing to do with how high or low it is. (Aka sounding like a guy at this point for me is about technique not physical ability. This is where speech therapists would be useful.) My dysphoria over my voice has essentially disappeared. I love my voice now, and I’m filled with so much excitement over seeing what else unfolds with it as I get used to it and how to use it.

Acne/Skin Stuff: First off, Puberty 1.0 gave me terrible acne. It set in at like 13. Regardless of what I did as a teenager, I was unable to really control it. I had products but they didn’t really work and my mother wouldn’t get me to a dr for it. My skin was dry and oily. It would crack and peel and bleed and had reactions to every product I put on it. It got better in my twenties and was mostly gone by the time I was 24. It came back when I started T the first time + Covid Masking at 26. But by that point I’d found an acne cream + lotion combination of products that kept things almost clear.

I expected to have acne bad again on T because that’s just what my body does with hormones. By the end of the first month the acne was back. It progressed to being painful cystic acne by 3 months. I told my doctor and got a prescription cream. I’m meant to use it twice a day, I did at first, but it made my skin too dry, so I use it mostly once a day (generally after I’ve showered). I use it + a plain lotion for moisturizing/keeping things from getting too dry. I still have pretty bad acne, my face is red and skin is perpetually breaking out. But it’s not painful, and that’s my biggest goal with controlling acne. Especially because I react very strongly to products on my skin.

My acne still gets worse around my periods, so I know a lot of it is hormonal stuff going on. There’s some slight increase in body acne, but nothing that I even have to put cream on as it’s not painful and goes away on its own. The acne usually appeared in spots where hair was growing in for like a week or so while the hair started growing in thicker/darker.

The rest of my skin also got super oily. And I got super sweaty. And smelled funky for a little while. Previously I showered and washed my hair every other day because that was the balance of keeping my scalp happy. My skin also couldn’t handle more than that as it would get too dry and crack even with lotion. 1-2 months in, I was showering every day, over the summer (~3-6 months) I was showering once in the morning and once at night (mostly because sweat, but also smell) and washing my hair every day. I did not really experience any dry skin. Somewhere around the 7 month mark, that all decreased. 9 months in, I’m showering every day (with an extra shower if I get gross) and still have no problems with dry skin on my body.

The T has affected my scalp*. I started reacting to the shampoo I’d been using for years about a month or so into starting T. I switched to a different shampoo that worked for the most part, but then started causing problems about 7-8 months in. I’m currently trying a new shampoo + washing every other day or so, and hoping it works. This is getting brought up at my next appointment either for medicated shampoo or a referral to the derm if the current shampoo doesn’t work. *I don’t know if it’s causing a reaction to the products, or if there’s some interplay of the increased oils + increased sweat + my hair being wet for longer + more washings causing more dryness and more irritation + the hair dryer causing more irritation. All I know is my scalp is hurting and I am trying to figure out why + what I can do to make it stop.

Aka: I had terrible acne during puberty 1.0. Puberty T.0 is running about the same in terms of getting acne, but I’m able to manage it so much better because I’ve a) found a lotion I can apply to my face to help with the dryness and b) got a doctor to prescribe acne cream that actually helps. I’m having worse scalp problems now though, but working to manage them.

Facial Hair/Body Hair/Head Hair:

I started getting dark hairs on my chin first. It was within the first 3 months. It also coincided with the acne. Because my skin is so sensitive and the acne was so bad, I decided to use an electric razor since it doesn’t cut as close and tends to result in fewer nicks and cuts and ingrown hairs. I would not have been able to use a razor without cutting myself at the start. I also tend to react to shaving cream so the electric razor allowed me to not have to figure that aspect out too. I started off every few days, then every other day. Somewhere around 6 months I started needing to shave every day to keep the stubble away. If I have a few days off in a row I’ll skip the shaving so I can see what it looks like, but I shave clean if I have to work.

I’m not really sure when the body hair started growing. I noticed the leg hair on my thighs started growing in a little thicker and there was a bit more hair on my belly 4-5 months in (mostly because the bandaids from my shots started hurting when I pulled them off lol.) At 9 months I’ve noticed the hair on my arms and thighs has gotten darker and a little thicker, and my belly has gotten a lot more dark and thick hair, and there’s some chest hair appearing. I want to say somewhere around 6-7 months, I really started noticing the body hair and getting euphoric and happy about getting fuzzy. (Idk about lower leg hair since I frequently shave it due to wearing compression socks and finding them sensory hell and painful with leg hair.)

(Also got more hair on the butt and the butt crack, which was making getting clean after pooping during colitis flares difficult. Solution I’ve found is shaving/trimming that area (you know how it works with long-haired cats and dogs?) and using wet wipes if needed.)

One thing I did notice for both my facial hair and body hair, is that my skin would get mildly itchy the week or so before I started noticing more hair growing, and would continue for that first week or so + there tended to be some ingrown hairs during that stage. It was rather similar in feeling to what my underarms or legs feel like when I shave them and the hair starts to regrow. The itchiness is pretty mild for me so I didn’t really do anything about it.

The spot I inject the T got darker thicker hair first. And by spots I mean like the circle immediately around the injection sites was noticeably darker and hairier than the surrounding body part. It’s evened out on my thighs since my SubQ are in my belly, and the belly is starting to even out 9 months in.

Head hair. It’s started thinning up top right around my part, and on the sides of my temple. Really only noticed it starting at the 8 month mark. I’m currently in the process of trying to figure out if this is related to the scalp issues (since they can cause hair loss) and reversible, or the permanent slow march of time kind of balding. I really like having long hair. It’s fun. I haven’t cut my hair (which would improve my chances of passing as a guy or at least not getting consistently gendered as a girl) because I like my hair. I want to keep it.

I know finasteride and minoxidil are both things that can be used to treat it. I’m hesitant to use finasteride since it blocks DHT and I want the effects of that more than I want to keep my long hair. I’m worried about minoxidil exacerbating my scalp problems and causing more hair loss.

I’m contacting family to find out more information about family history of hair loss (including the ones where there were auto-immune skin conditions that caused it) and will talk with the doctors to figure out what the best option for me is.

I was a lot more anxious about the potential balding when I first noticed, but after a couple months to process it I’m not as alarmed as I was. If I do go bald though, I like the idea of getting tattoos. It’s also something that hopefully will be slow enough that I’m not gonna lose everything right away and can still enjoy having long hair for a while. But also you know the meme, if you can’t produce your own, store bought is fine. Wigs do exist.

Muscles, Fat, and the whole Musculoskeletal Shit

My timeline on this is a little blurry. Mostly because I’ve always built muscle easily and been rather buff just through having jobs that require some level of physical labor. I’ve also got hypermobile joints + low back pain from falling down stairs in 2019 + chest, rib, & shoulder pain from binder (haven’t been able to bind since pre-pandemic) and bra. So my focus on/awareness of physical ability was less on ease of strength and more on whether or not I had pain that made breathing/movement difficult. I’m going to guess it was easier to build muscle fairly early since I did notice some other changes that would track with things being affected.

So first thing I noticed was that my hips weren’t as prone to slipping out of place as usual and the days where they were painful decreased as well as the level of pain. It got to a point where I basically wasn’t having hip pain except around my period (pre-T the pain would get worse around my period, this is a continuation of the existing pattern). I’m not sure if I noticed this by 3 months, but I did by 6 Months. My guess is that the T strengthened the connective tissues and helped build muscle to hold everything in place. When I did a lot of walking and fatigued my leg muscles, the hip pain would get worse pre-T, but now I don’t really notice that at all 9 months in. If I get sore after movement, it doesn’t knock me out for several days. I still have to be careful about how I’m sitting and sleeping as the joints can still get knocked out of place that way. But also, the threshold for pain happening is much higher and I have fewer days of it. I’ve also only had to use my cane a handful of times since starting T.

My rib/chest pain got less severe at some point… I know I’m able to tolerate wearing my bra all day without feeling pain most of the time. That shift happened some time over the summer. So 3-6 months. (This was because my body finally managed to heal from the injuries from binding and the stress injury from using the deli slicer 2-4 hours a day at work in 2018.)

My back pain has kind of been figuring out what makes it worse and better. It’s gotten better overall over the past 9 months, but idk how much I can attribute that to T and how much is just figuring out what makes it worse and not doing that.

I’ve also noticed a significant decrease in flexibility. To the point I can stretch muscles I’ve never been able to stretch before. I can stretch my muscles without hyperextending joints. I started to resume a lot of the stretching I stopped in 2018 because whatever support my joints now have is enough that I don’t risk being too bendy to hold them all in place. My hands basically don’t dislocate/sublux any more, and the pain in them is gone. My grip strength has never been better. I can open water bottles without fucking up my fingers. (Aka T has definitely helped with the hEDS.)

My skin has also gotten thicker and less prone to getting cuts. If you follow me, you probably saw the post I made about the changes on that, but basically, my skin is tougher. It doesn’t get cut up as easily and I don’t bleed as easily. My mouth doesn’t get cut up as much by rough foods like toast and cereal and brushing and flossing doesn’t cause bleeding and tearing (no gum health issues this is just hEDS stuff, although I also notice the sensitivity of my gums fluctuate with my period), I don’t get papercuts as easily, sewing is a lot less bloody. This has made it slightly harder to put the needle through my skin for the T injections, it used to go in completely painlessly but somewhere around 6 months it started pinching a bit.

I also have a little adam’s apple now! Which I wasn’t expecting since I’m nearly 30 and I figured things wouldn’t shift too much. I started noticing it grow 3 months in or so when I would touch my throat and it slowly got just a bit bigger. 9 months in there’s something visible in my throat when I talk or swallow, just a tiny visible bump but it’s more than it was before! It also tends to sit REALLY high in my throat, which I know is also part of the problem I have with my voice being high and strained. I have a couple vocal exercises that lower it and my voice and reduce strain. But also this was one of the things I wanted but was realistically not expecting to get so !!!

As far as muscle and fat (re)distribution and such, I noticed somewhere around 4-5 months that when I looked in the mirror after showering so a) i didn’t have my glasses on and things were hella blurry and b) the mirror was somewhat fogged, I had a more masculine look. When my hair covered my chest (it was waist length at that point) there was just enough shifting of things to look masc. (My boobs have gotten somewhat flatter/deflated. Around my period I definitely get a feeling that they’ve gotten bigger/swelled back up.)

Body wise, my shoulders have always been broad, and the ratio of tiny waist to huge hips has always been a source of dysphoria for me. There’s nothing T is gonna do about the underlying bones, but I have noticed my hips and thighs slimming down somewhat / my waist filling out. It’s changed my silhouette away from the hourglass and into something more masculine. It’s helped greatly with my dysphoria when I see myself in the above sink/counter level mirrors. (Full body mirrors/reflections are still hello dysphoria hips.)

My shoulders also got slightly broader, my neck thicker, and my feet got slightly larger. I know for sure around 5-6 months, as I pulled out my long-sleeves for winter and the ones that had been tight and with no stretch the previous year were too tight to wear comfortably. I also pulled out my performance clothes which I hadn’t worn since month 2 on T, and had to let out the collar on my bowtie by a solid inch and get new shoes as the previous ones were too tight (again I’m almost 30, my feet bones didn’t grow but I did have to go up a shoe size). I had thought around 4-5 months that my neck was getting thicker since it didn’t look quite as stick-like. Around that time my face also started looking a little swollen around the jawline. It may have been puffiness or just things shifting around. I’m faceblind so I don’t know if my face has changed, just around that time looking at my face made me think the jaws looked a bit like my sister’s did a week after getting her wisdom teeth removed. Whatever puffiness I saw then, I don’t notice now though.

Idk if I’ve gained or lost weight since I don’t own a scale and don’t actually pay attention to that because it’s not actually important. Shrug emoji.

Periods & Bottom Growth:

If you’ve read this far you’ve probably guessed my periods didn’t stop early this time. As I stated, the first attempt at T, they stopped three months in. My third period came two weeks early this time when I caught COVID. We increased my dose at 6 months because my periods hadn’t stopped. My 8th period happened a week late. This month for the 9th I’ve gotten some light cramping and joint pain (but another week or two will tell if it’s stopped).

I did notice by 6 months the pain/cramping and other things associated with my period were less. (The flow decreased somewhat and the cramps were less severe. I was able to still walk and function with the OTC pain meds, and I had to take fewer for a shorter time frame to get relief. My blood pressure didn’t tank as drastically, so I wasn’t at risk of passing out every time I stood up on the first few days of my cycle each month. I didn’t get chills and shaking. I still get increased acne, bloated, migraines, and my joints all get loose and painful.)

(Outside of my period, my POTS has also drastically improved. Around 7-8 months, all I really started to notice is the tachycardia. The blood pressure problems aren’t forcing me to sit down to avoid passing out, my low blood pressure migraines have mostly disappeared, and my heat intolerance has drastically decreased. The heatwave in 2018 is what ended up with me in the hospital. I made it through the heatwave this year without too much difficulty. I still get migraines when I get too hot, and get weak and exhausted, but I recover within a day rather than a week. My migraines have tons of triggers, but overall I’ve gotten fewer of them since starting T. The only trigger that’s increased in causing them is my low blood sugar.)

Bottom growth has happened!!! I was ambivalent to slightly apprehensive about this part prior to starting the last time, but discovered pretty quickly I was actually really on board with it. For a while this time I was worried starting/stopping/restarting T meant I wasn’t getting any this time around. But the past month or so (month 9) has given me indications it was just taking a while to happen (like my periods not stopping 3 months as previously). This time, I haven’t experienced much in the way of pain + too much sensitivity, but the sensitivity has really increased in the past couple weeks so that may start again as well.

Appetite & blood sugar :

The increased appetite has probably been my biggest most noticeable thing in my day to day life and the only thing that has actually caused me distress (as opposed to annoyance and irritation with the acne). I noticed pretty quickly an increase in my appetite. This brought back problems with my blood sugar just crashing (and tanking my blood pressure with it) that I’d had while growing up. I would also wake up hungry in the middle of the night. 3 Months in it was the biggest change I noticed.

6 months in I was up to eating every two hours, waking up twice at night, and if I skipped one my body would get ravenously hungry and would have headache and shaking. But I was also getting more used to the routine so I got better about keeping food on me and my blood sugar didn’t crash as often/as severely. My grocery budget effectively doubled so that was yikes to my bank account. I also couldn’t get full or stay full. I was constantly hungry. Since I had a history of food insecurity as a kid, the constant feeling of hunger was distressing and started making my anxiety and ptsd get worse.

(There is a link between testosterone levels and blood sugar. Most of the data is on cis men. But the little information packet that comes in the box of my testosterone vial includes: In diabetic patients, the metabolic effects of androgens may decrease blood glucose and therefore, insulin requirements. Presumably, the doctors know to monitor this with diabetic patients and to mention it to them. But also, a reminder to read all the paperwork you’re given because neither of my prescribers mentioned this aspect to me, even when I mentioned having problems with my blood sugar dropping.)

9 months in, my appetite has decreased to pre-T levels which also coincided with getting heart burn/acid reflux for a solid week and a half. I’d never had a problem with that before, but I was also eating/drinking and then immediately laying down (aka eating right before bed and a midnight snack) for like six solid months, which is a big clue to the cause. The biggest surprise there is that it took six months to become a problem. I’ve been mindful of staying upright after eating and after a few days the problem went away.

Dysphoria, Mental Health, Mood and Energy;

T has been fucking amazing. Like. It’s fantastic and I’m thriving and have never felt so stable and capable of handling life. I can’t attribute everything to T because I’ve done a lot of work on my own mental health and my living situation improving (moving away from abusive family, getting engaged with friends and community, fulfilling job) but its positive impact on my mental health and general mood is undeniable.

My dysphoria is so much less than it was before. I love my voice now, I am starting to remember what it feels like to be comfortable in my body. There’re still a bunch of things that are dysphoria inducing that will take more time or surgery (top, hysto, bottom) to change and relieve, (and when I am reminded about the dysphoria inducing things like boobs and people misgendering me as a girl, it feels terrible and I want to crawl out of my skin). But the entire experience of being on T has been a daily blessing of euphoria as everything happens.

I used to joke that you knew trans people were really trans because who else would willingly go through puberty a second time. Puberty 1.0 had been soul destroying terrible. I hadn’t had a single positive experience from it. Everything about puberty 1.0 had made me hate my body more and the changes just kept getting worse. I couldn’t imagine anyone willingly going through that a second time. Somehow despite knowing I wanted all the changes T would cause, my brain didn’t make the connection that I’d like the process aka puberty 2.0. I’d figured I’d suffer through puberty again and in the end I’d have a body I liked and was comfortable in, so it’d be worth all the suffering of puberty.

I was terribly wonderfully wrong. The first time I was on T, I didn’t really notice a ton of changes, but even the small ones I did I liked. It wasn’t terrible. And then, I was off T and the strength of my desire to get back on T and go through those changes was a physical ache. The past 9 months have been full of joy and excitement. Every little change I’ve noticed has made me happy and been something I loved to find. (Barring the acne, and hunger, and potential hair loss.)

Puberty 2.0 is so powerfully positive for me. I love it, and it’s letting me love my body.

My mood is a lot more stable than it was. With my dysphoria lessened, I’m not constantly feeling shitty about that which overall helped my mood. I’m not as depressed (and when I am, it’s so much more mild than before). My mood tends to be either in a stable state or hypo/manic. But there’s no irritability or violence or any of those fear mongering things. T didn’t suddenly change me into the TERF and bio essentialist’s boogey man. T doesn’t change your personality. If you have anger issues on T, you likely had them before. (Also I really want to stress this because I saw warnings about T and bipolar disorder for years: T did not make me irritable or angry or violent. It hasn’t changed the profile of my mood disorder to include symptoms that were never present.)

(As for crying. I don’t cry out of frustration or anxiety as much--which is likely because my mental health has improved and I’m not pushed into those strong negative emotions as often. But I tear up just as easily when I see heartwarming news stories or videos of puppies or see something heartbreaking on the news. I haven’t been cut off from health emotion, or healthy crying.)

Energy wise, I have so much more energy than I did before. I’ve managed to wake up easily all winter rather than take an hour to drag myself out of bed every day. I can work a 12 hour shift, and/or not take a nap and be fine with 8 hours of sleep (or less) at night. I can run around and do things on my days off. I have enough energy to function. I don’t have to have an entire day off just to sleep (although I still enjoy a good afternoon nap and sleeping in).

I don’t notice my energy level fluctuating with my shot (I do weekly injections to avoid my levels fluctuating and causing other things to do so as well), but I did notice my energy levels increased within the first month. But! There’s also a lot of other things going on that are affecting my improved energy levels. Some of this might be because I actually started taking a vitamin d supplement (and I definitely notice less energy when I forget it). The lessening of my dysphoria has freed up a lot of mental energy for other things, the lessening of my dysphoria has lessened my depression* which gives me more energy, the reduction in joint pain + other chronic pain means I’m not constantly having that low drain on my energy and resting better at night, and the reduction in POTS symptoms means I’m not having that massive daily drain on energy reserves.

(*I’ve noticed an increase in energy at my stable baseline, and an increase in the sustained energy while hypo/manic from my pre-T mood cycles without an associated increase in the severity of other symptoms. My depressive moods have reduced in length and severity because there aren’t as many things fucking triggering me during them (which can also be attributed to the better living conditions and social connections, since I noticed this prior to restarting T), but I also have an increased energy during them as well. Which all tracks with the physical conditions improving and no longer draining my energy as much.)

(I still notice when my blood sugar drops, I get my period, or I have an anxiety attack that my energy levels for the day drop accordingly. But I’m also quicker to bounce back to my new baseline. My anxiety has more or less stayed the same. Also randomly feeling tired has become a much more reliable migraine aura because now being tired tends to have an easily identifiable cause.)

As I mentioned in the appetite section, there has been some downsides to my mental health while on T. The constant hunger was triggering for me, but since I'm in a stable environment and have money for food, it’s something I’ve been able to work through. I’ve also experienced more nightmares since being on T, especially around when I first started and when my dose was increased (biggest changes in hormone levels). But the nightmares also increased in general, which I also want to attribute to having more energy while on T. Before T I had a tendency to be so utterly exhausted I didn’t dream and/or I woke up too frequently during the night due to joint pain/needing to reposition that I didn’t complete sleep cycles and wasn’t dreaming/having nightmares. (The biggest argument for this is also that I’m straight up actually having non-nightmare dreams now too. I rarely had dreams and/or remembered them before. I get them decently often now. Which is nice! Dreams can be fun! And weird. Dream logic does not make sense upon waking up.)

“Passing” / How people perceive my gender / General Reception

Gender is a party and transitioning is the grab bag. I’m basically completely on board all the physical changes T is making to my body (bar the acne and the balding). Presentation wise, I lean heavier into the men’s clothing than the women’s and would prefer to be read as a guy rather than a girl if people gotta gender me, but I’m not a guy and not actually interested in passing as a guy. So I don’t put any effort into passing as a guy. Being my authentic self and transitioning into my nonbinary genderqueer gender basically means I do what I’m comfortable with and just vibe (until someone misgenders me and then I dark side dysphoria vibe).

Basically for those keeping track: I have long hair, I shave clean (and wear a mask anyway), my boobs are still visible (can’t bind), my hips are still a thing, and my voice sounds mostly like I have a cold (lower but with girly customer service inflections). My chosen/legal name is still femme. I’m also 5ft/160cm and relatively small. I dress in men’s clothes for the most part. Strangers still assume I’m a girl. Even in trans friendly spaces I get she/her’ed by default.

(I’m out to management at work but very few others. There’s been maybe one person who might have noticed something. Most people I interact with through work--if they notice anything-- notice my voice change. But all the comments I’ve gotten indicate they think I’ve strained my voice from singing, have a cold, or it’s related to my breathing problems. (I had to wear a mask/scarf outdoors before covid due to the cold making it impossible to breathe, same with smoke. Also I caught COVID right before my voice cracked so…))

As I said, I don’t bind and my hair is long and don’t try to pass as a guy, so it makes sense I won’t. I’m sure if I had short hair and didn’t have visible boobs the default gendering by strangers would shift to a different percentage of girl vs guy vs awkward pause as they guess. So if you’re wondering how long it’ll take you to pass as a guy or confuse everyone, I’m not gonna be too helpful. But if you were concerned about being able to hide being on T/keep your transition on the DL until you’re ready to come out, you can definitely do it, just come up with some excuse for your voice because people will notice that.

Congrats I guess if you’ve read this far. Hopefully this was helpful and/or informative. The TL;DR of it is that the bulk of the changes kicked in somewhere between 3-6 months and are gonna continue for another good while. It’s having a lot of positive effects on my various health conditions (POTS, hEDS, migraines). I’m having a blast with everything that’s happening and am delighted by puberty 2.0. The drawbacks are just kind of inconveniences (and aside from potential balding, seem entirely temporary) and are nothing compared to the overwhelming joy and euphoria of slowly getting to exist more comfortably in my skin.

if you've got questions, feel free to ask. Just know depending on the question and whether or not I even know who you are will influence if I answer it or block you.

tagging myself so i can reblog if i need to @owlsofstarlight

#tag for me #also wow this post got long #and took forever to write and edit up #i apologize if it's hard to follow #but also don't complain if its too long i'm not forcing you to read it #the big t post #t timeline

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walker33961 · 1 year

Text

_______________________________________________________________

SIMON "GHOST" RILEY" -TF-141,SHADOW CO.

STRIKE

AL-MAZRAH, U. R. A

15 JULY, 2022 1600

_______________________________________________________________

Graves :

Gold Eagle Actual, Shadow -1 is weapons hot.

.....We're burning daylight here...

Shepherd :

Copy, Graves. Stand by.

.....Laswell, do we have confirmation?

Laswell :

Watcher - 1 to Bravo 0-7 , you in position?

Ghost :

Nearly there.

Lavender what's your visual?

Lavender :

Got a heli incoming.

Laswell :

That's General Ghorbrani

Shepherd :

Right on time.

..... Now let's see what he's up to in the middle o' nowhere

Ghost :

I'm eyes on.

Lavender :

Vision all clear

Laswell :

What do you see?

*Ghost takes out his normal binocular , Lavender pulls down her thermal binoculars and checks over , giving intel*

Ghost :

Armed personnel..

Lavender :

Armour and hardware..

Ghost & Lavender :

All Russian.

Shepherd :

What the hell are the Russians doin' with Ghorbrani?

Laswell :

Supplying Iran . It's an arms deal.

Shepherd :

You copying this, Shadow - 1?

Graves :

Affirmative - two birds one stone...

Laswell :

We need positive ID on Ghorbrani before we kick this off, boys.

Shepherd :

Lavender , can you identify the General?

Lavender :

Armed escorts around VIP.

Russians are very happy to see him Actual.

Shepherd :

It'll be the last time they do...

Lavender :

That's for sure , Actual.

Ghost :

Visual on General Ghorbrani.

Laswell :

Copy.

All stations - target confirmed.

Shepherd :

Shadow-1- You are cleared hot for launch.

Graves :

Roger that, Actual.

...... Ghost, Lavender..your danger close to the zone. This arrow's gonna pack a punch.

Lavender :

Copy.

Ghost :

Copy. Approved.

..... Send it.

Graves :

All stations , Shadow -1 Missile is ready for immediate delivery , standby for launch

Coordinates in...

Target designated...

Two...

One...

Shot out.

Missile is loose.

.......

Link is good, target acquired.

This will take some manual guidance to hold her.

.. Missile bearing northeast at 0-6-5 degrees at Mach 3 ... Altitude 500 meters.

Shepherd :

You're right in the pocket, stay with it.

Graves :

Check, comin' in hot...

... Brace for impact...

Time to target in 5 seconds.

Termination 3..2..1.

Ghost :

Direct... Target destroyed.

Lavender :

A big boom for sure.

*Fist bumps with Ghost.

....................................

- Both Simon and Lavender didn't go to their house. They go there less since there's no one to welcome them, once in a month they visit...just to memories how the home was, how it used to be when everything was alright.

They made the base their home , living in the same room, it was small but enough, had 2 separate beds bcz both move a lot in sleep.

One night...

Simon :

*sees y/n sleeping like a baby in ther bed......

Her hair was all messy, fell on the bed right after stepping into the room, didn't even open her tactical vest, all tired and a bit messed up with the smell of gunpowder and soil.

He goes close to her, Sees her beautiful face... His worries pain got lifted all in seconds, He sees their mom's face in her..

Yn's smile, soil brown eyes, little freckles around her nose area, long hair , heaven glow skin which got tiny scars bcz of wars and missions.. Symbolises that she's strong like his brother and her kindness and sweetness towards all reflects their Mom's positivity & her love, care for all , an enemy can turn good by her voice, a dead might come to alive , the smell she always carried was "Lavenders".. It was their Mom's favorite and even Joseph liked them a lot...

The reason behind of her callsign "Lavender"

But why no home ? Why less beautiful memories? Their story can make the most happiest person in this world have sleepless nights..

Simon's father was really - really abusive and tortured both mercilessly, and didn't want to accept Y/n when she was born...

Their Dad brought fear to them every second, once he took both to a concert, killed a hooker, and told Simon & Y/n to look at the dead and laugh... Their mom always tried to save them from his torture...

Both of their life was changed a bit more in extreme.

Simon's changed even more after the "Manuel Roba" mission ...Mexico...

The mission turned totally upside down...

Simon unexpectedly got caught by one of the Roba's men.. The guy was wearing a ghost mask..torturing him ...* He was Roba actually*

Simon was even buried alive with his dead fellow soldier, He escaped from it but the trauma always stayed...

That's when he started to see ghost faces everywhere... Facing traumas even more

Roba got to know his existence, got his soldier to follow him, and kill when the chance is at hand...

But instead, the guy killed all of his family members after knowing his location in Manchester - United Kingdom..

Dad, Brother and his wife, even the poor little soul..Y/n & Simon's beloved only nephew Joseph.....Their blood.. Spilling out ... Some dried, some fresh..

All that was left of Simon was a ghost after this. But the moment also changes y/n's life. She also turned Ghost after this... But the Lavender in her didn't let her turn all ghost...

Time stopped when he saw his little sister ..y/n..trembling, walking up to him in slow but steady steps....lavenders on her hand & the little teddy bear of Joseph's, hair messed up as if she tried her best to hide and run over to be safe, she was successful...

fell on her knees, down in front of the bodies and Simon...

She rolled front their Mom's body , unlocking the lavender locket from her neck and tied it in her jackets zipper...

Getting up ,

All she said was " Kill that bastardized Soldier" before she fainted..

He took her in his arms,set fire to the house..leaving his dog tags & y?n's earrings behind ..to show that they also got burned by the fire..

Ran away far away to be safe from them,..to keep her safe. He took care of her and brought her back to her senses in an unknown spot...

He promised himself to keep her safe till his last breath..

Later he signed at Task Force 141, Under Shepherd and Price.....

Y/n was treated with care and love to be fine again with strength... in the base.

She grew up with the trauma alone...but the members of 141 of her age at that time helped her to improve her mental state,

Except for Simon.... He was never able to get up from it...

Since Y/n never got the love of a father and the way Price took care of her and even cried while she was in a simple fever... She started calling Price "Dad"...

Price felt bit more alive... He got a reason to live...

A daughter..

......

Memories were playing in his mind, he came in his sense after y/n woke up all of a sudden and hissed in pain on her hand...

Simon :

What happened my little butterfly?

Where is it hurting?

*Ghost using sweet nickname ? ... Well, That's Simon for y/n , also for the girl he loves a lot, Charlotte "Jade" Le Jardin... Calls her "Lottie" The only girl who was equal a bit to his strength and loved him as both Ghost .. & Simon*

Y/n :

Ah it's not that serious Brother .

Just a little *ahuh* ...

The painkillers will help ..

Simon :

We both had nothing to take medicines remember... Just water won't help.

Y/n :

Let me go make somethi....

Simon :

Sit down, Miss Bossy Riley.. I'm managing something..

.....

*Simon comes back after making a meal*

- He made that just like their mum used to make when they were sick or hurt...well, comfort food as it's called, also brought some other important meds from Jade alongside painkillers...Luckily she was awake at that time...

She always kept a good stock knowing that her love and his little sweet sister might need it...Charlotte is loved by y/n a lot, she adores y/n like her own sister too.

After all.. Y/n's brother Simon's Wife she'll be.....

*cought * cough*

..........

Y/n :

Always taking the load brother...?!

Simon :

It's nothin' much Y/n'iee ..

*pats on her head, muffled her hair gently*

Y/n :

*hugs Simon*

- You're carrying my freak childish ass since I was born, you do so many things for me... Cooked even after getting shot in the arm..you do this all the time when I'm just in a light fever, brushing my hair while I'm injured, saving my life from all threats.. A lot more

I love you always brother . Your the sweetest best big brother a sister can ask for. I'm lucky to have you as my own blood Big brother...

*y/n feels tears on her shoulder*

Simon :

- Your my everything, can't imagine a life without you my little Lavender ..

* y/n pats his shoulder ..feeds him the food with her hand, since he's shot in the right hand and arm, can only work with Rifel with the left... Doesn't feel good using the left hand for eating*

Y/n almost forgot that she was hungry too...

After all, Her brother comes first over everything*

[ Writer's note -

As I said.. A dead might also come alive by her nature and words .. Simon's a "Ghost" .. But for Y/n...his her big sweet Brother Simo.... Simon Riley......& Beanpole for Jade * **]

◌SEVERAL MONTHS LATER◌

Shepherd :

Come in.

Laswell.

Laswell :

General Shepherd..

Shepherd :

Boy, I know that look. Are we at war ?

Laswell :

You would be the first to know, sir.

Shepherd :

Damn right I would...Talk to me.

*turns on and swipes in her tab to show intel over Hassan*

Laswell :

We have a hit on Ghorbrani's second - in - command.

Shepherd :

Hassan Zyani. Quds Force Major...

Laswell :

He's taken up the mantle for Iran.

Shepherd :

Supplying Terrorists.

Laswell :

Money, weapons, intel.

Shepherd :

Well, he's ambitious.

Laswell :

He's dangerous, sir. He wants retaliation for the Ghorbrani strike.

.....He's planning something...

Shepherd :

We can't take him in Iran.

*Laswell swipes the screen*

Laswell :

He's not in Iran, sir...

He's on the ground in Al Mazrah.

Shepherd :

What the hell is he doing in Al Mazrah?

Laswell :

There's only one way to find out, sir.

Shepherd :

Well, Let's get him.

Laswell :

When?

Shepherd :

What time is it now?

Laswell :

Who do we send?

◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎

Shepherd :

wheels - up in 5

Ghost :

Roger.

Shepherd :

Marines are loading in now.

You, Lavender and the Sergeant are leading the way on this?

Ghost :

The Sergeant?

Shepherd :

Soap MacTavish.

*Soap gets down from the back of the big jeep with others, comes to Ghost & Lavender*

Soap :

Let's get ourselves a win, yeah, Lt.?

*exciting action filled smirk over Ghost, punches over his chest lightly*

...Save ya a seat, sir.

Ghost :

Fucking hell...

- When soap turned back to look at y/n..Soap notices a skull & a lavender charm on the edge side of her tactical vest...Doesn't know that she's his best mate L.T.'s younger sister.

Well, He saw her for the first time in base , joined after 5 year long mission which was in UAE . He had no gap in between to be back.. So he stayed there for straight years..

& , that time Lavender was out to duty with König and Horangi & Alex in Scotland - Russia - Spain to prevent invade of a drug Lord.. It was a 4 year long but 2 Or 1 month gap in between..

It was their first meet after getting back to their home - main base.

Soap's an extremely extroverted bomb blastic person who can bring laughter to cool down nerves..sometimes blabbers Scottish which can't be understood that much.. only Simon gets the vibe of his words...bff goals for sure.....

He's Respected and feared by all...

Same for y/n, her death stare made enemies piss in their pants... Just like her Brother's stare..

But had less courage to ask Lav about anything... He doesn't know why..

Something inside his heart sparked the moment He noticed her..

Her hair locks swinging with the hot air, face paint stroked, scars visible even in the low light around the base .. Proving that she'd been fighting the good fight for a very long time. Her smile made him fall for her on the spot..he gave out his heart...

Finally he's getting to feel the air of love , it was a love at first sight....

Well, Keeping in mind to be careful with her....

Y/n :

Looks like one crazy man , *giggling*

Ghost :

*smiles under the mask*

Shepherd :

Lavender , Ghost - You copy?

Ghost :

Yes sir.

Shepherd :

..Any issues?

Ghost & Lavender :

Negative Sir.

Ghost :

Out here

...・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・....

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lexi-the-twilight-dragon · 1 year

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So my brain thought up this game while I slept the other night, and I don’t know what else to do with it other than to post it here.

It’s a 3D survival game, visually similar to Last of Us, Red Dead Redemption and A Way Out, and being co-op like the latter. I have never played any of those games (and have no intention to; not my cup of tea) and honestly had to look up the name of one of them, so I have no idea why my brain came up with this.

(Also, brains are prone to weird jumps in logic while dreaming, so bear with me)

The Story:

A class of high-schoolers (probably seniors, idk how the American school system works) take a school trip up to a mountainous forest reserve for a project of some kind. Everyone has to be in pairs so no one gets left behind, and somehow star footballer Connor gets paired up with “just-trying-to-survive-til-I-graduate” Michael.

Something is very not right with this forest. There are shacks that should be long abandoned and derelict but have signs of being lived in, or never being abandoned at all. Trails vanish under your feet without you noticing until you’re way off course. Old men passing by tell tales of people going missing without trace. There’s no birdsong, or any animal noises, at all.

Connor and Michael get very, very lost. The sun is going down. There’s no sign of a search party. Connor is sure they’ll be fine. His uncle Joshua is a ranger up here, and the school wouldn’t just abandon two of its students on a mountain, right? Michael, used to having no one looking out for him, starts to prepare to at least survive the night.

And that’s when things go to shit, because there’s a cult on this mountain. I don’t know what kind of cult, because frankly I’ve never been a religious person, but they’re there, and they want these boys, dead or alive. So said boys fucking run, and manage to lose them, but become even more lost in the process.

The sun rises. There’s still no sign of rescue. They didn’t have a lot of supplies to begin with, and now they’ve got even less. There’s a literal cult trying to kill them. If they’re gonna survive out here, they’re gonna have to get serious, and they’re gonna have to trust each other.

So it goes for a few days. They search for food and water, they try to find safe places to hide and shelter, they steal shit from the shacks (when the cultists aren’t there), they run/hide/defend themselves from cultists and the unaffiliated serial killer who apparently didn’t die when he fell off a cliff into the lake 30 years ago and has been picking off trail-walkers since (he was one of the old men earlier), they try to find ways to help rescuers find them without tipping off the cultists to their location, they look out for each other, they tend to each other’s wounds, and they start to open up to each other.

Connor puts himself under a lot of pressure to be the popular jock, to be the son that his dad wants. He’s gotten physically hurt playing football, and been told to suck it up and keep going, so much that he’s stopped telling people when he’s hurting. He’s literally bleeding through his shirt and can’t put too much weight on one leg, but he’s fine, really, no really, he’s fine, stop worrying about it, it’s nothing, he’s fine, shut up. He comes off as selfish from the jock persona, but he physically cannot put himself and his own needs first.

Michael doesn’t speak much, and it isn’t because he doesn’t want to. It’s that any time he tries to, he’s punished for it. He doesn’t ask for help because he’s never given it. He doesn’t speak up for himself because that gets him called a liar by adults and beat up by teens. He doesn’t give his all anymore, because it’s never good enough anyway. He doesn’t have friends, because no one stays around him for long. He has no plans for the future, because they’ll only fall through. He just does what he can to make it through another day, and today, that means keeping him and Connor alive.

One day, it’s lightly but steadily raining, and they’re huddled in a ditch under a blanket they’ve stolen. Despite the constant danger, the ache of barely healing injuries, and the fact they’re both grimy as hell by now, it’s… nice. Almost serene. Connor asks if he can admit something important to Michael. Michael gives the go-ahead.

Connor comes out as a transgirl to Michael. She’s terrified of admitting it to anyone, her dad, family, friends, god forbid the school and football team. Everything her life is is wrapped up in being a boy. But for all she knows, she could die later today. Her life, right now, is being with Michael, and even if he rejects her for it, she wants him to know.

Michael accepts her in a heartbeat. He’s antisocial, not an asshole. He hugs her, and asks if there’s a name she’d like him to call her. Connor is henceforth referred to as Vanessa for the rest of the game.

Michael then asks if he can admit something important to Vanessa. Vanessa gives the go-ahead. Michael says that he used to think he was gay, but as of two minutes ago, he’s gonna have to change that to bi. It takes five seconds for the penny to drop. There’s no pressure, he hurries to add. She kisses him anyway.

Realising they’re both hopped up on adrenaline (and probably teenager hormones), they agree to work all of that out when they aren’t fighting for their lives.

There’s a boss fight against the serial killer in a thunderstorm, up on the same cliffs from 30 years ago. Michael gets a grapple on him, but gets pushed to the ground and slashed in the side pretty badly by the old man’s knife. Before he can finish the job, Vanessa gets his attention, and shoots him with a shotgun. Yeah, he definitely didn’t survive that fall into the lake. She got a headshot.

Michael’s losing a lot of blood from the slash, so if they aren’t rescued soon, he might not make it. Vanessa tries to carry him to shelter, but is hindered by her injured leg, which Michael is groggily prioritising over himself despite her command to shut up. She finally finds an outcrop of the cliffs, and it takes literally everything (i.e. all relevant supplies in the inventory) to stifle Michael’s bleeding. The blood trail washes away in the heavy rain.

The next morning, they’re found. Vanessa freaks out and grabs the shotgun again, only to realise that it’s her uncle Joshua. She tries to tell him all that’s happened, with the cultists and the serial killer, but he doesn’t believe her, thinking “he” and “his” friend just left the trail for kicks and got lost. Joshua picks up a semi-conscious Michael, and starts to take the two back down the mountain.

After a short while, Vanessa stops, and pulls her shotgun on Joshua again.

See, something that’s been subtly hinted at all game is that the symbol of the cultists (I don’t know jack about cultists, so don’t ask me what the symbol is) has been mildly familiar to Vanessa, but she couldn’t put her finger on why. Now she does.

It’s tattooed on Joshua’s neck, just hidden under his uniform collar.

Joshua tries to tell her she’s being paranoid, she’s scared from being stuck here so long, there are no cultists, put the gun down.

He just found two lost, starving, badly injured teenagers, Vanessa tells him, and he hasn’t reached for his radio to call backup. So something’s up.

Joshua’s got backup, alright. Just not the type she’d been hoping for, as the cultists step out from the trees, in broad daylight this time. She can’t pull the trigger without hurting Michael, so she’s quickly overwhelmed and taken hostage too.

Joshua explains that he and “Connor’s” mother were born into this generations-old cult, but her mother “betrayed the faith” and went to live a normal life. Joshua pretended to join her, but instead used his job as ranger to “overlook” the cult establishing themselves on the reserve, as well as the old man.

They’d intentionally disoriented Vanessa and Michael and got them separated from their class, so they could “reconnect the bloodline” by encompassing “the eldest son” into their ranks, using Michael as a sacrifice to appease their god for “Connor’s” mother’s “transgressions”.

Michael has woken up enough to hear all of this, and our protagonists have both. Had. Enough.

Cue escape plan from the cultists’ hideout, followed by a boss fight with Joshua. I don’t really remember how this one played out, I think I was getting close waking up at this point. Regardless, it occurs to the two teenagers that while Joshua could get away with hiding a stealthy cult on this reserve, a forest fire would grab a lot more attention from the actual authorities. It’s too wet to start a real one, what with the heavy storm last night, but since the cultists know where they are anyway, it can’t hurt to use the more drastic attention-seeking methods.

(Don’t ask me where they got the fireworks. Probably the same place they got the shotgun)

So yeah, the real rescue turns up, Joshua is exposed, most of the cultists are arrested (and those that got away will be tracked down), and the teens get taken to the ambulances which freaks Vanessa out because she now understandably has some trust issues and doesn’t want to be separated. Michael almost outs her by calling her name but manages to stop himself and call “him” Ness instead (I haven’t played Earthbound either). He promises her that they’re gonna be okay now, they’re safe, and as soon as he’s stitched up he’s coming to see her in her hospital room. Not if she comes to him first, she says.

Flash forward to a few months later. Michael pulls up to Vanessa’s house. He’s dressed in a suit of bisexual colours. It is very obviously prom night. The front door opens. It hasn’t been very long, so her hair is only a few inches longer, and she’s still built like a footballer, but nonetheless Vanessa looks beautiful in her prom dress. Well, pant-dress. She wasn’t that brave.

She’s been more than brave enough, Michael says, leaning up to kiss her forehead (She’s taller than him).

The Script’s “Never Seen Anything (Quite Like You)” plays over the credits.

On that note, I think I’m calling this game You Never Saw Anything. It works, doesn’t it?

Anyway, I can’t design for garbage, and my art skills aren’t much better, so that’s all I got. Hope you enjoyed.

#writing #original work #video games #fic idea #tw cult #one time i dreamt #trans #bisexual #you never saw anything #ynsa #this might become a thing idk

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isfjmel-phleg · 1 year

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I recently acquired a collection of the Reign of the Superman arc, and there were some concept sketches in the back, including Kon's design, which features some interesting notes from artist/co-creator Tom Grummett.

Mike: This design is an amalgam of what I thought were the best elements of those 'napkin sketches' we talked about. Any comments or suggestions are welcome & appreciated. Personally, I think this looks great! In addition, an independent poll (mine) of 10-16 year olds I know rated this outfit as 'cool.' --Tom

I love that Grummett ran the design past young people to verify if it was indeed sufficiently cool. This ensemble is 100% certified 90s youth-approved.

Some of the ideas for the earring include 1) a small 'hoop' ring 2) a 'stud' type earring 3) a 'Superman' symbol (although we'll only see it in extreme close-ups)

Note that at this stage there is no mention of the earring's being a replacement for a tag, which would first appear at the end of Kon's arc before his solo. The hoop was a suitable option, I think. Generic enough for him to acquired for himself easily but with more interest than a stud. I can't see Cadmus equipping him with a special S earring.

Superboy will 'layer over' his basic uniform with 'accessories' like the jacket, sunglasses[,] ripped jeans, et al. For two reasons 1) to satisfy his own sense of 'style.' 2) to hide out from Cadmus search teams. These outer layers will tend to get shredded or busted away in heavy combat.

The jacket and sunglasses became part of the iconic look, but ripped jeans were never a thing, not even when he's in civilian clothes. Hiding from Cadmus never happened either; in the final version, they track him down the first day but chose not to take him back quite yet. Everything was still in development at this point, and it's interesting to get a glimpse of what other directions the creators could have gone.

Note to Karl/Mike: If we assume Superboy generates the same aura that his adult counterpart did, his Cadmus-made Superboy outfit will be indestructible. However this property would not extend to his leather jacket, which, like Superman's cape, will tend to show some wear and tear. I visualize a scene where Superboy survives a massive explosion in an attack. And savagely retaliates to avenge his jacket! ("You goons ruined my jacket! I'm gonna kill ya!") Since Ma Kent isn't likely to be sewing leather jackets in any quantity (if at all) they'll be harder to come by than Supes' capes ever were. --Tom

Grummett's visualized scene got incorporated into the final story! And became a running gag. Kon ends up getting a seemingly endless supply of replacement jackets from the news station that's using him, at first. But it's rough having no mother with sewing skills to keep one supplied with clothing!

Some thoughts about 'Project Superboy'... If we run into a timeline problem with a Superboy running around within a week or two of Supes['] funeral (and having Pa Kent's life hanging by a thread for too long a period of time), we may have a way to get around it.

Suppose we say that 'Project Superboy' was begun when Supes was apprehended by the Hounds and brought to Cadmus for study[.] (This was in one of Jurgens' issues, I'm not sure which number) An analysis was done on Supes that formed the basis for the 'Superboy' experiment, which was, by the time of Supes['] death, already underway, with a Superboy in progress. When Cadmus later took Supes['] body after the funeral, a further, more detailed analysis was done. The results of which were used to enhance the Superboy subject, and further accelerated his development.

This suggestion was not used. In the final timeline, Kon was developed to adolescence in under a week after twelve previous attempts failed. However, it's clear that Grummett has given this a lot of thought, and his suggestion for justifying the seemingly too rapid timeline fits plausibly into established information. This is a collaborative process, with writer and artist jointly building character and story.

#comicsposting again #KE: all I got is who I am #it's fascinating to see this from the angle of why creators made the choices they did #on a similar note: I also have a collection of early Tim stuff that includes a vast range of considered uniform designs -#no notes but interesting concepts - which I can show you another time if anyone's interested

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thepupperino · 10 months

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Last Week's Tag Game

I'm catching up, okay? I was tagged by @celestialmickey, @deedala, @michellemisfit, and @themarchg1rl for this one--thank you all!

Name: Keely

Pronouns: She/her

Where do you call home? Utah 😒

Favorite animal: Goats! I also have a soft spot for quail.

Cereal of choice: The chocolate or red berries Special K.

Are you a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learner? I do not know. I just took a quiz and it said visual.

First pet? A little dog! I will not tell you his name because I use this as a security question lmao.

Favorite scent? Vanilla or petrichor.

Do you believe in astrology? Not really, but I think it's fun!! (Add me on co-star 😏)

How many playlists do you have on spotify/apple music? I've made 19.

Sharpies or highlighters? BOTH. I am an office supply girly.

A song that makes you cry: "Words Fail" from Dear Evan Hansen.

A song that makes you happy: 😳 Why does this question feel so hard? Um I'll go with "I Forgot That You Existed" by Taylor Swift.

And finally, do you write/draw/create? if so, use this as an opportunity to shamelessly (😉) promote yourself! I write sometimes, but mostly on here...so check out my tumblr if you want to read my stuff lol.

It's been over a week so I'm skipping tags. Love you all xoxo.

#tag game #tag game tuesday #get to know keely

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just-horrible-things · 1 year

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‘Verse: Resistance Story: Unlikely Salvation, co-author @whump-sprite Timeline: Late Arc 2, Ariadne and Alex living together

Missing Taryn [ First | Prev | Next ]

Alex comes home to find Ariadne sitting on the kitchen floor, surrounded by the contents of the undersink cabinet, trying to unblock the drain with a bent coat hanger. She’s disassembled the trap and as many of the pipes as she can. Half the pieces are in the sink above, the other half balanced on the baking tray that’s catching the filthy water underneath.

“Heya,” Alex calls as he closes the door behind himself. “Hey,” Ariadne calls back.

She hears him take his coat off and go to the bathroom, then he comes into the kitchen and stops in surprise at the mess arrayed around Ari where she sits with her sleeves rolled up, arms streaked with black-green drain slime, up to her elbows in the sink’s guts.

“What’s up?” he asks. “The sink’s not been draining right.” He can hardly have failed to notice. “We let too much pasta and shit go down it, probably. I put drain cleaner down it yesterday but… it didn’t work. So now I’m trying this. The blockage is a pretty long way down and I’m having trouble reaching it.” She shrugs. “But I think it’s working. Slowly.”

“... can I get some water? I was going to make coffee.” “Sure. Just try not to let it go down the plughole, or it’ll land on me.” She leans out of the way to let Alex fill the kettle, then resumes threading the coat hanger back into the pipe to fish for another blob of goo.

There isn’t a lot of space in the kitchen for two people, even without an obstacle course of cleaning supplies covering the floor, but Alex finds a spot to lean against the counter and watch Ari work.

“Where did you learn to do that?” Ariadne almost laughs. It just seems like common sense – drain’s blocked, you stick something down and unblock it. But Alex just wilts if he thinks she’s laughing at him. “My mum could fix just about anything,” she says. “I guess I got it from her.”

The stove hisses gently. Ari glances up, and catches Alex with a strange look on his face – thoughtful and perhaps a little puzzled.

“You don’t talk about your family much,” he says. Neither do you, Ari thinks. Instead she says, "The apartment I grew up in was…. well, bigger than this, but not much bigger. The kitchen was a bit wider, probably not any longer, we had a second bedroom… Okay, a bit bigger. But it felt pretty cramped with four kids in."

"Things were always breaking, probably because kids don't treat stuff gently. The landlord didn't give a shit, and mum couldn't afford to call a guy in because she couldn’t work full time what with looking after us."

She's not sure where dad's money went, thinking about it. Alcohol, perhaps. They didn't talk about it.

"So she'd get out a screwdriver or whatever, get one of the older kids to hold things for her, and she’d do it herself. She used to say, if you see something broken, you fix it. So that’s what I grew up doing."

Alex is quiet. Ari wrinkles her nose, rotating her bent wire and wiggling it back and forth to try and get the hook on the end to catch on the blockage instead of just poking uselessly at it. Behind her, the kettle starts to whistle. “Do you want coffee?” Alex asks. “Always.” He fills the press.

Finally the hook catches, and Ari is able to coax another disgusting glob up the pipe. She deposits it on the baking tray with the others. It’s mostly hair. How enough hair gets down the kitchen sink to form a major structural component of a blockage… must be one of life’s great mysteries.

The smell of coffee starts to cover the drain stink.

“What about your folks?” Ariadne asks, as she starts to thread the wire back in once again. On the edge of her vision, she sees Alex shake his head. “It was just me and my sister,” he says. “I’m sorry.” He hums a little non-committal hum in acknowledgement.

She’s almost done here, she thinks. It’s hard to visualize what she’s touching with the wire, but she wiggles it around as far as she can, and she can’t feel it catch. She’d like to be able to put some water down it and see if it flows, but she’d have to reassemble all the pipes first.

“D’you… want your coffee down there?” Alex’s voice has turned brittle. Ari looks up. “No,” she says, ��I’ll come get it in a minute, I’m filthy. … are you okay?” Alex looks down and away. “I miss her.” He says it like a guilty admission. “Oh, Alex. I’m sorry.” “No, I’m sorry. After what she did I shouldn’t be–” “Of course you miss her. She’s your sister. I’m not gonna get offended.”

Ari sits back on her heels to look up at him. She almost puts her hands in her lap, then thinks better of it.

“She must seem like a monster to you,” he says. Ari tugs at her lip with her teeth, picking her words carefully. “I’m not her biggest fan,” she ventures. “But… she had a good reason to hurt me.” “No,” Alex says firmly. “Revenge isn’t a good reason.” “Okay. What I mean is… she had an understandable reason. I’m not… I don’t think I get to decide she’s a monster.”

Alex sniffs a little. “I thought you’d hate me for still loving her,” he confesses. “Definitely not,” she says. “Not even a little bit.”

He picks up his mug, then puts it down again awkwardly.

“... can I have a hug?” Ari grimaces, and shows him her hands. “You really don’t want a hug right this second,” she says. “I stink. Give me a minute to wash up, then yes.” “... What about the drain?” “The drain can wait. It won’t mind, it doesn’t have feelings.” He smiles a little bit at that. “I’m nearly done anyway.”

Ari washes up in the bathroom, soaping all the way up her arms. She scrubs, and rinses, and soaps up and scrubs again before she’s sure the smell is gone. Looking in the mirror, she finds she’s managed to touch her face and leave a black smear right across one cheek. She wrinkles her nose in disgust.

“Still want that hug?” she asks, when she returns to Alex in the kitchen. Alex nods. Ari hugs him tight around his ribs. He hugs back, and she feels him relax against her. She relaxes too, suddenly aware of how tense she was.

“You could go back, you know,” she says. “If you’re homesick. You don’t have to live with me forever.” “But… what would you do?” “The same as I do now, more or less.” “You’d be alone.” “Yeah,” she says, pulling back a little to look at his face. “I’m a grown adult you know. I’d be okay.” He hums, and reluctantly lets her go.

“I don’t want to leave you,” he says. “This… is working. Besides, I don’t know if… I’d be welcome. After…” He doesn’t have to finish that thought. After he helped Ariadne. After he chose an enemy over his own people. “Okay,” she says. “That’s okay, you don’t have to go anywhere you don’t want to. I just… want you to know that… if you want to, I won’t stop you leaving. I won’t be upset.” “Okay,” Alex agrees, voice still a little tight. “Oh, here –” He picks up Ari’s mug, and puts it into her hands. “Oh.” She smiles. “Thank you.” She starts to take a sip, then wrinkles her nose. “Shall we go in the other room? It smells of drain in here.”

Settling onto the couch, Alex still looks mournful. Ariadne isn’t sure if she’s said too much, or not enough. She sits beside him, checking his reaction to be sure she’s welcome.

“Tell me about her?” she suggests cautiously. “Your sister. What’s she like, when she isn’t…” “Breaking people’s bones,” Alex says sourly at the same time as Ari finishes “-- mad.” He frowns, and Ariadne realizes what she’s asked. “You don’t have to,” she amends hurriedly, “you don’t have to tell me anything about her, forget I –” “No,” he cuts her off, “I know what you meant.”

He leans against her shoulder, and Ari shuts up to let him think.

“She was the only family I had,” he says. “She always defended me. Always. Ever since we were children.”

“She didn’t use to care about resisting the government, or fighting back. Neither of us did. We just wanted to survive. It was only after the Resistance rescued us from… from the hospital. After that, we wanted to help them help other people like us.”

“Tare didn’t want me to heal for the Resistance. She didn’t want me to ever have to heal anyone again, but… I wanted to. I didn’t want her to go off into danger fighting for them. But she wanted to. She was always brave. Fierce.”

Ariadne suppresses a shiver as goosebumps race across her skin.

“She had to be, to survive. To keep me safe.”

Everything Ari could say sounds trite in her head. You had a hard life. She cares a lot about you. I'm sorry.

She rotates her mug in her hands, and wishes for the distraction of the drain.

“I never thought,” Alex’s voice is quieter, sadder, “that she’d…” “I had it coming,” Ariadne says. “Ariadne,” Alex reproaches. “No,” she says, “hear me out. I know it was… wrong.” She says it, but it’s difficult to wrap her head around what could be right or wrong, under the circumstances. “I mean that… it followed, it was a consequence of what I did, what I was. I knew the risks. It was… a reaction, to my actions.”

Alex hmms sadly. His shoulder is growing warm against hers. “We don’t believe in that kind of torture. Not for any reason. Or at least… I don’t. I thought they, the Resistance, didn’t either. If I was wrong… then I don’t belong there, and I don’t want to.” Ariadne nods solemnly. “You don’t have to go back,” she affirms. “We’re doing fine, we can carry on like this.”

Alex meets her eyes, and nods, and wipes his nose, but something catches in his voice when he speaks. “I don’t hate her,” he confesses. “I – I miss her.” Carefully, checking his reaction, Ari puts her arm round him as he swallows back tears. “It’s okay,” she says. “It’s okay to miss her, it’s okay to not hate her. Of course it is. I get it. It’s okay. It’s… messy, and complicated, and… we have time to work it out. As much time as you need.”

Alex settles against her. “I don’t know if that’s true,” he says, choked up. “She… it’s a dangerous way to live. What if she dies, and I’m not there?” “Then… perhaps you can send her a message. Or arrange to meet up with her, talk to her.”

Maybe you could convince her to stop being a terrorist and go off with you, thinks a part of her that clearly hasn’t gotten the memo yet about that no longer being her damn problem.

“It doesn't have to be all or nothing,” she says. "Think about it." Alex nods against her shoulder. "And… it's okay, with you? If I want to see her?" Ariadne swallows. She thought it was. That's why she said it. But she's suddenly very conscious of her pulse thudding in her skin. "I won't let her hurt you," Alex says. "I won't let her. She doesn't even have to know where you are." "Then… yeah," Ari agrees, "yeah, it's okay with me."

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#my writing #verse: resistance #unlikely salvation #ariadne milonas #alex morgen

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