#wanted vaguely some more body shape exploration too

[riverin-stories]

had a liiiiiiiittle more thonks on design reinterpretations for these two since last time

[ganondoodle]

I probably still wouldn’t have been a big fan of the game, but I don’t think I would have been NEARLY as upset about TotK if BotW didn’t seem like it was so obviously setting up plot points for a sequel. Like, you’re very clearly MEANT to wonder what malice is, and how Ganon became the Calamity instead of just the Demon King. Fi is awake again, where are they going either that? What’s the deal with the Triforce-shaped symbol on Zelda’s hand? There were a LOT of other things like that, and many of them had to do with overarching lore for the series.

I get it if they want to reboot the series, but “BotW 2” was the single worst game you could have done that with. It could have been an amazing conclusion to the original continuity.

EXACTLY, you, you get it

botw felt like the introduction to a vast world with secrets and hints to things that were planned to become a bigger thing- a big giant game as a big giant set up, and then ... like totk likes to do alot, it lacks a pay off, and that is something it even does within itself, cosntantly, set up and no pay off, or set up and the most boring and uninspired pay off you can really not even call that, from the bigger things like the whole dragon thing being hammered into your head as irreversible and then it IS reversible.. out of nowhere without you having to do fuck all, the whole thing with the ancient hero beign a big mystery with lots of interesting ideas attached and then its some weird ass dog creature that doesnt resemble any other race with, of course, sonau armor, bc there nothing that isnt sonau in that game, even finding the old treasure maps you can find that then lead to amiibo stuff from botw id call that

botw wasnt that great with rewards either but exploring the world and wondering about those, surely intentionally, placed mysterious and intriguing designs and places did alot for making it so interesting to think about, totk fumbles it all and even the new stuff doesnt even come close to that environmental storytelling botw was so great at, sonau ruins? ha they look entirely different than in botw actually, bc those were built by hylians you see, the actual sonau stuff is in prime condition considering the time thats passed and its all the same blank blocky blocks that serve no purpose but to be a place for you to find a thing or exchange some currency- the most you can think about it is ... that the sonau hollowed out the entire underground of hyrule, every inch of the map, ... which is WEIRD and doesnt exactly make them look that good but ... thats all there is

at least with the shiekah it made somewaht more sense and it felt much less .. invasive? and you didnt have anyone from that time to talk to, other than dead monks whos only purpose is to give you their last piece of their own spirit, but in totk ... raurus ghost and mineru too are both just there to talk to but DONT tell you shit but vague hints that were already clear, the sky islands used to be on the ground? oh you dont say, you see them there in the stupid memories! and dont get to know how they got up there and theres nothing that can clue you in to that, its just sonau magic yet again i guess

dont even get me started on the whole malice/miasma thing, it made so much SENSE that there was a source of it, someone that has keep kept in a horrible place just between life and death for thousands of years trying to break free by their hate and anger manifesting to such a degree its literally spilling out and building creppy eyeballs, mouths and ribcage like structures like they are trying to rebuild themsleves outside of their awful prison no one knows about is so damn compelling, but no, actually, the guy trapped there was the msot evilest evar, was sealed bc him evil and no other motive, and the previously mentioned stuff is pretty much utterly unceonnected, and his magic beign miasma with red instead of pink and no creepy body parts was the true version of it, that pink one was its own thing heehooo SHUT UP argh

it doesnt help that really, i dont feel like the sonau were set up either, they were a tiny part in botw, really only serving to make the world seem more ancient and more full of history, having ruins from a past civilization there you know nothing about and cant find out more is so good, its compelling and sad and makes the world feel more real, just shoving them into everything, being the center of attention all of thes udden and not even the architecure fitting feels so ... forced, i really truly believe the og sonau werent meant to be more than that, but in their fear of the game being too similarly looking like botw they took the sonau to replace the shiekah with them- imo the shiekah were the ones set up to be deeper explored in botw, with their whole misstreatment by the royal family in the past, monk miz kyoshia reacting the same way a yiga commander would was deliberate and brings up even more interesting ideas, the comments about where the mysterious energy the ancient shiekah used to power everything being concentrated in certain regions?? thats a big ass set up, the fact that the center of what is signaling everything to reactivate being below hyrule castle? the fact the whole arena thing was BUILT INTO THE CASTLE or it on top of it is so??? cool??? and sso damn intriguing, we are scratching the surface of their history- but then no, actually, the sonau are the cool new shit those other ones just uh ... disappear, also the sonau did everythign the shiekah did but even better wayy before them haha

its like they didnt want to tackle the more complicated stuff with the shiekah, their relationship to the royal family and how the yiga ... have a point and a good reason- so they replaced them with entirely new purely goodest good guys that did the same stuff before them with none of the history attached :))

this is why im so insistent on it not really being a sequel, thers no follow up on anything that was set up, NOTHING, and no, a couple having a kid now or whatever isnt a follow up on an interesting set up, how hard is it to understand that-

.... listen to me rambling, you probably know all that already nhjdfkbnkd

(i know i always bring up the shiekah but ... they were so central in botw, while also not taking up every single corner- unlike some other ones >_____>, with so much interesting stuff to connect and think about, i cared about them so much i felt kicked down the stairs by their treatment in totk)

[oftenwantedafton]

Night Shift - Steve Raglan/William Afton x Female Reader

Chapter 5

Rating - Explicit

Warning for sexual content

Also available on AO3

Steve Raglan’s fingers are laced with yours.

It’s the sweetest kind of surrender; when he finally allows you to touch him and doesn’t resist or withdraw. His hand is so warm, so large against yours. You bring it to rest on your thigh and look at the union and oh, the somersault lurch inside of you hurts so good.

The interstate is empty, the highway yours, all those miles eaten up by the older man’s vintage sedan, bringing you closer to what you want.

Your unoccupied hand is lonely, craving more contact, tucking beneath the end of Steve’s sleeve, the smooth skin changing texture as you explore, idly at first and then with increasing curiosity. It’s not some random scarring; there are distinct shapes etched into his body. You drag the sleeve upwards to the crease of his elbow so you can see a little better, the illumination from the instrument panel confirming what you’d palpated.

“What are these?” Your throat is dry, the words coming out parched, dehydrated from the alcohol, from letting the man drink from your mouth, stealing away whatever moisture you’d had left.

“Work injury,” he says, glancing over at you, his eyes falling to the fingers that are tracing over the patterns so carefully, as if they are deciphering braille.

“From the social services office?” You ask incredulously.

“No. My previous job.”

“Which was…?”

“I owned a business.”

“I don’t suppose you could be any more vague.”

His lips twitch, but he remains silent.

“Did you ever work at Freddy’s?”

The hand in yours subtly tightens. “What?”

“You’re so familiar with the layout. Especially the back rooms that only staff had access to.”

“It’s part of my job to make sure new hires are performing well in their environment. Site visits are a requirement. The turn around for security at the restaurant has always been high. You get to know the place after awhile.”

You sense something’s off with his explanation but you decide to let the matter drop for now.

“Are you married?” The thought has been scratching at the back of your mind, an increasing worry.

“I was, once. Not anymore. She left.”

“Kids?”

“Yes. Also no longer in my life. It’s just me.”

His gaze is so carefully focused on the road. You wish he’d look at you; wonder if you’re being too probing with so many personal questions all at once.

“I’m sorry if I’m asking too many questions. I just don’t know anything about you.” You begin to tug the sleeve back into place but he halts you.

“You can leave it. Unless it bothers you. I should warn you now there are a lot more of those scars.” His eyes find yours.

“No, it doesn’t bother me.” You release your grip of his hand so you can maneuver his arm better, finding your digits warm and damp, nearly cramped from being interwoven for so long. His wrist bends and seats along your lips and you press a kiss there before you resume holding his hand again.

“Is this the infamous dress?” Steve seems to notice what you’re wearing for the first time that evening.

“What? Oh, yes.”

“That is wildly inappropriate to do chores in, your previous assessment was correct. I’d love to see you try, though.” He smirks and you squirm in your seat. The hand clutching yours relaxes and gently pulls free and moves to the slit of the ribbed knit fabric, which stops right above your knee. “Move this for me, so I can touch you.”

There’s an awkward moment of you lifting your hips off the cushioned seat beneath you, gathering the spandex laced fabric in bunches at the sides so it lifts past your legs and hips and gathers around your waist. You hesitate a heartbeat longer, then decide to pull your panties down to make it easier for whatever he’s about to do. You can feel the arousal already dampening the crotch as you tug them free, leaving them on the floor by your feet.

The older man lets you sit like that for a few moments, his eyes still focused on the road, your exposed pussy leaking onto his car seat, and then his right hand hooks neatly around your mound and he slides two fingers inside of your entrance.

Your body reacts instantly, hips already lifting to aid him to drive in deeper, seeking more friction from his palm against your clit. You clutch at the bicep of the arm probing your insides, feeling the muscles shifting beneath the skin. He lets you fuck yourself on his fingers for awhile, controlling the pace at which you grind up and down, feeling more of your fluids leaking past his digits and onto the seat beneath you.

“The seat,” you pant. “I’m getting it wet…”

“Do you think I fucking care? It’s vinyl. Can always lick it off after.”

Fuck.

Your lazy, stuttering pace quickens and the man notices, no longer letting his hand remain stationary, his middle and ring fingers actively punching into you and curling, the wet sounds of that assault interspersed with your gasps for air and moans of pleasure. Your fingers scrabble restlessly against his arm. You need him to look at you when he makes you explode.

“Please.”

The car leaves the road, Steve carefully guiding the passenger side tires over the edge of the asphalt, the change in elevation jostling the hand against you. He spares a second to throw the car in park and then he’s on you, mouth crushing yours, switching hands so smoothly you barely notice the transition.

“Cum for me, honey.” It’s an echo of a command from your first night together and it’s more than enough to make your walls clench and spasm over his fingers as you find release.

His forehead drops and rests against yours. There is the sound of your ragged breath easing as you come down off your high. His own is rapid. You’ve gotten him so worked up.

“Take me home with you,” you whisper, relieved to feel him nod. You’d intended on having him bring you home, had envisioned inviting him inside, and beyond that just disintegrating thoughts of lust. But you need more of him. You’ve gotten scraps of information tonight but it’s not enough. You want to see where he lives, what his home is like. You want to take him apart on his bed in these, the early hours before dawn.

***

Steve Raglan’s house is on the outskirts of town, in an area with a lot of new construction.

His own looks relatively new as well, a manufactured one story building on a wooded corner lot with an immaculate exterior, from what you see briefly in the headlights before he shuts the engine off.

“You haven’t been here long,” you murmur as you enter a living room, finding the interior as tidy as the outside had appeared. It doesn’t surprise you, given how organized his office had been. He flips the switch on the wall and a lamp on a table beside the couch lights. Every furnishing belongs to a family of dark colors - black leather couch and matching wooden tables, black entertainment center, soft gray walls, darker gray laminate floors. There are no pictures or plants, nothing to break up the color palette or give any clues as to the identity of the owner. It could be a hotel or a showroom floor display.

“About a year.”

You wander into the kitchen and he follows, flipping another light switch for you. Granite counter tops, stainless steel appliances, jet maple cabinets. Breakfast bar. Keurig on the counter by the double stainless steel sink. You tug the fridge open and glance inside, finding it’s nearly empty. “Yup, you’re single alright,” you laugh.

“I’m not home often. Don’t really have much need for a lot of things.”

You continue to explore, the older man trailing after you. Small laundry room. Two bathrooms, one with a tub, the other a walk in shower. You glance at the counter. “Purple toothbrush. You like purple.”

“Do I?”

“Mmm-hmm. You have a lot of purple ties, I’ve noticed.”

You find the first smallest bedroom has been converted into an office space. The second is used for storage, some boxes still sitting sealed on the charcoal carpet. And finally the master bedroom. Gray sheets, bed unmade, perhaps the only untidy thing you’d seen thus far, but he had rushed to rescue you, after all. A walk in closet, the door open. You step inside, brushing your fingers over shirt sleeves.

Steve leans against the bedroom doorframe, watching you with a look of bemusement.

You smile, sauntering over to the dresser, noticing a bottle of cologne. You bring the nozzle closer to your nostrils and yes, you detect that scent he always wears.

“So, what do you think? Does it meet your approval?”

“It’s very modern and clean. And empty.” You set the bottle down and walk towards him, letting your hands trail over his chest.

“Not as empty with you here.” You smile, wincing slightly when your head reminds you of the consequences of what you’d consumed so recklessly earlier. “How’s your headache?”

“It’s still there, but I really don’t care.” You struggle to swallow and remember how dehydrated you are. “I wouldn’t mind a glass of water, though.”

“That can certainly be arranged.”

“Have you ever had anyone over here before?”

“Never.”

You exhale a contented sigh.

“How about a bath? And you can borrow something of mine to wear.”

“Okay. After I use the bathroom. The drinks, you know…Do I still smell like booze?”

He smiles gently. “Terribly. And now it’s clashing with…” His eyes flick downward and you blush. “You’ll feel better afterwards, I promise.”

You're given some privacy to relieve yourself and then you open the bathroom door, watching as he gathers a plush looking towel from the linen closet set just inside the master bath, bending over to plug the drain and turning the chrome handles of both faucets. The mirrored medicine cabinet holds a spare toothbrush for you and pain medicine. Steve fills a glass of water and pushes down on the bottle with his palm, removing the cap and shaking a pair of tablets free.

“Open your mouth.”

You comply and he presses the pills against your tongue, then rests the edge of the glass against your bottom lip, gently guiding a stream of water into your mouth and down your throat. You have the oddest sensation that he’s done this before; maybe he’d administered medicine to his children at some point. He refills the glass and lets you finish it before he continues getting things set up for your bath.

He shoves the sleeve that’s still resting against his left wrist up, revealing a twin set of scars to the ones you’d seen earlier as he leans over to test the water temperature.

“Are you getting in with me?” You step out of your shoes and remove your shrug, letting it lay in a crumpled pile on the floor.

A soft smile. “Another time.” His eyes linger on your curves as you pull the dress over your head. “I’ll assist you though, if you’d like. In case you’re still unsteady.”

The alcohol had long ago burned through your system and you think he knows it, but you murmur an acceptance of his offer, turning and allowing him to unhook your bra. Every movement is gentle and unhurried. He’s taking his time with you and you love it.

“It seems we’ve forgotten your panties in the car,” he murmurs against your ear.

“I didn’t forget.”

You feel the smile against your skin as the fabric slides free.

“Alright, that should be full now.” Steve turns the faucets off and offers you a hand to support you as you step over the edge of the tub. You sit down, sinking into the warm water that’s verging just on the edge of scalding and it feels glorious.

“Good?”

“Perfect.” You cup some water between your hands and splash it over your face.

Back to the linen closet and he returns with a washcloth. Kneeling down next to the tub, he submerges the square while you reach for a shampoo bottle tucked into the corner.

“Do you take baths often?”

“Rarely.”

“I can’t remember the last time I did.” You let him pull the bottle from your hands as you shift your body, your face disappearing beneath the water’s surface, soaking your hair.

A dollop of a pink pearlescent substance sits in Steve’s palm, waiting for you when you reappear. It’s cool on your scalp when he smears it against your tresses. His fingers work up a lather, nails lightly scraping and it sends a pleasant tingle through your neck and shoulders. When he’s satisfied with the results he pauses to stand and retrieve the cup from the counter.

“Close your eyes.” You can hear him collecting a glass of bath water to pour over your head to rinse your hair, the process repeated many times, his free hand combing gently through until the suds have dissipated. “Okay you can open them now.”

You wipe at your eyelids, watching as he places a bar of soap in the center of the damp wash cloth, massaging until the cleanser has been worked into the fibers. He starts with your upper back and shoulders, rubbing small circles into your skin. You hum appreciatively, letting your eyes slide closed. It’s so soothing, having him touch you like this.

“You’re good at this.” You feel the motions now at the level of your lower spine pause.

“You think so?” He drags the cloth around to the nearest arm, working on the hollow beneath it.

You smile. “Yes.”

He finishes stroking along your forearm and you move, the now soapy water sloshing as you offer the other arm.

“You’re good at everything.”

He huffs a little at this unexpected bit of praise but you detect a faint smile before he plants a quick kiss on your forehead. The wash cloth caresses your neck and collarbones, dipping between your breasts before lingering perhaps longer than necessary on each, the nipples stiffening beneath his touch. So recently sated and already your pussy is tingling again, wanting more of him.

He works the lather against your abdomen and begins traveling across the top of one bent thigh, which unfolds, hitting the side of the tub gently. The cloth has been abandoned, his own hands now skimming across your skin, along the slope of flesh that leads to the fork of your hungry sex, stopping just shy of it. His eyes are on your face, going so dark. You tremble at the cooler ambient air striking your damp exposed skin.

Then Steve resumes his washing as if the activity had never been paused, a brief brisk cleaning between your thighs with the cloth in use once more before working down to your knees and calves and feet and then he uses the edge of the tub to push himself upright, wringing out the cloth and draping it over the side.

“Alright we should get you out before you prune up. Feel better?”

“Yes, thank you.”

He nods, reaching to unplug the drain and the water begins flowing away as he helps you stand. “You probably want to rinse off. Towel’s right here. The dresser with the cologne has shirts you can borrow. I’ll be in the living room, okay?”

“Okay.”

He cups your cheek and kisses you softly before leaving the room.

***

You stare in your reflection in the mirror as you drag Steve’s hairbrush—it’s some expensive looking one with a wooden handle and fine bristles—through your damp locks. You still can’t believe just a few hours ago you were sitting in a bar drinking to forget, now standing in Raglan’s bathroom desperate to remember every detail, snapshotting the taste of his toothpaste, cinnamon instead of the customary mint; the scent of the laundry detergent he uses embedded in the fibers of the plush towel; that first feel of his clothing on your skin, when you bypass the drawers in favor of one of the button front dress shirts hanging in the walk in.

You are very, very carefully not thinking about Mike. You think Steve is very, very carefully avoiding mentioning him.

You find the homeowner seated on the leather couch, the position more of a drape with his long figure, jean clad thighs eased slightly apart, one arm resting across the back of the couch. You continue walking until you reach his knee and stop.

“Do you mind if I wear this? I just…” you can’t explain it, just know that you like the way the material feels against you, the stretch of buttons dipping between your breasts, the way the hemline flutters loosely over your hips and ass.

“Not at all. It looks a hell of a lot better on you then it does on me.”

“No, it doesn’t. But it’s nice to see you in something other than your work clothes.” You pause. “You look so good.”

“I’m glad you think so.” He reaches out, fingertips grazing yours. “There are so many years between us. I forget that sometimes.”

“How old are you?”

“Fifty three.” Three decades divide you, then. “Does that bother you?”

“No,” you reply. It really doesn’t. If anything it only added to the man’s appeal. You move then, climbing onto his lap, straddling the long thighs he brings together to support you. His rests a hand on your waist, the other seated against one ass cheek, bare beneath the shirt. You supposed you could have borrowed a pair of his boxers, but really, what was the point? You had no intention of putting any more barriers between you.

You stroke his graying hair, so soft beneath your fingertips, disrupting the neatly parted waves. His skin is still so smooth, so untouched by sun from careers spent indoors, just a few creases here by his eyes, those amazing eyes that shift from pale blue to dark ink every time he sees you.

“What are you thinking about?” He asks gently, his voice a soft rasp.

“You’re beautiful.”

He laughs softly, surprised by this declaration, the amusement fading when he sees how solemn you are.

“You really think so?”

“I’m so crazy about you. You don’t even know how much.”

You see him frown slightly, his lips thinning. He doesn’t want to hear this. You can’t stop.

“You don’t have to say anything back. I just…I just need to get this out. Just this once.”

You feel his legs stir beneath you. “There are things in my past…” he begins, then abandons the thought and starts anew. “I was trying to tell you earlier. It would never be a normal relationship. I can’t give you what you want. What you deserve.”

“I don’t care. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me. Pretend if you have to.”

“I don’t want to pretend with you.” You sense there is something more he’s not saying, the implication that he is in fact pretending in some other regard threaded there, but he continues speaking and the notion evades you. “Sweetheart,” he sighs. “This was never supposed to go this far.” The hand seated on your waist tightens. “You’re going to hate me one day.”

“No. I could never.” You bend to kiss him. “My heart is so full for you.”

You feel the coiled tension in his frame ease as you kiss him again, his tongue now darting against yours. The fingers gripping your ass check dig deeper and the familiar warm ache resurrects inside of you once more. His mouth travels to your throat, the delicious abrasion of his beard made rougher at this late hour painting your skin in red swatches.

“Tell me something about you that no one else knows.” You’re pushing him so far tonight, but you feel as if you may never have this opportunity again, when he’s in this environment alone with you, almost vulnerable.

There is the longest pause, his mouth still, face tucked into the crook of your neck, and you wonder if he’s heard you or he’s refusing to answer or is simply mulling over the answer before he responds.

“My real name isn’t Steve.” The latter, then.

Of all the things he might have said, this was the one you were expecting the least.

You frown, moving back to look at his face. “What is it?”

A clear hesitation this time. “William.”

“Why are you going by Steve?”

He shakes his head. “It’s too complicated to get into. Suffice to say I have good reason to use an alias. I’m trusting you not to tell anyone else.”

“Alright. I won’t.”

“So now you know one of my best kept secrets.”

“Are there many more?”

“Yes, a fair few. But that’s not for discussing tonight, if at all.” His firm tone brooks no argument.

You don’t know how to feel about this. Does it really matter so much if his name isn’t Steve? Plenty of people went by other names. Is it really so strange?

Who are you falling in love with?

“William.” You try the name out and feel a shudder wrack his body, the limbs trembling against you. Oh, he liked that.

“Say it again.”

“William.” The name comes easier this time. You’ll get used to it, surely. You just have to be careful not to say it in front of anyone else.

“Again.” His hands reach for the front of your shirt, pulling down impatiently. You hear the buttons scatter, tiny bits of plastic striking laminate.

“William.” He takes one of your breasts in his mouth, teeth clamping on the nipple and tugging on the flesh. His hands are now braced under your thighs and he stands, holding you, your legs automatically wrapping around him. The strength in this man is incredible. There’s no way a desk job would make him this fit. Maybe he exercises regularly.

The air is pushed out of your lungs when he shoves you up against the wall in the hallway, holding you there, his mouth wild against yours. All of the tenderness and gentleness from earlier has vanished, replaced with this passionate aggression. You can’t decide which you like better.

“You want me to fuck you, honey?” His breath is ragged by your cheek. Your cunt is absolutely throbbing.

“Yes.” It’s not a want but a need at this point.

He carries you into the master bedroom and lays you across the bed. You watch him do that one handed maneuver that only men can do because their shirts are cut differently, grabbing a handful of material from between his shoulder blades and pulling it over his head in one smooth motion.

The scars cover his torso, too. So, so many of them, tattooed across every surface.

You admire the way the muscles beneath the skin move as he unfastens the button on his jeans. He might be middle aged but he’s lean, toned without being overly muscular, just some softness around the abdomen that you find insanely attractive. God, you wish you’d seen him naked sooner than this.

He drags the zipper down, hooks thumbs in the denim waistband and lets them drop naturally, already reaching for the boxer briefs that need more than gravity to ease down. More scars wallpaper his hips and thighs—what kind of accident had he been in?—and then he joins you on the bed, climbing over you. You feel the weight of his hand depressing the coils of the mattress near your head, a knee by your hip doing the same.

His face looms over yours, breath gusting over you in soft pants. “You remember when you came to see me at the office that day?”

You could hardly forget. You’d made a complete ass of yourself. Your cheeks flush and you nod.

“Remember how I told you I wasn’t going to be so lenient with you the next time?”

“Yes. But you always have been.”

“Not tonight. You understand, sweetheart?” He drags a thumb against your bottom lip, such a soft contrast to the violence he’s promising you.

“I’ll do anything you want.”

“Oh honey, I know you will.”

His eyes go black.

[scummrevisited]

tumblr is NOT letting me answer this ask directly for some reason so i screencapped it HDFHDG anyways here goes

i vagguelly knew abt otherkin stuff beforehand but that was like. very vague and more in the lense of "eww cringe" bc that was all that was talked abt it

fast forward to me being 16 or so (maybe 17?) and i decide that today on www.tumblr.com im gonna go through the werewolf tag, and between all the art and poems abt werewolves i view a few werewolfkin posts and i go "huh.. thats interesting" bc i only vaguely heard of it but never really looked into it

so i dip my toes into it, and fall into the lake completely, and now im here

from which i will give some advice:

disclaimer: most of this advice comes from a psychological kin perspective, for spiritual stuff i can gather some info if you ask me but overall im not spiritual kin

1: sometimes the answer is not too clear, being alterhuman can stem from many reasons and overlap with many other things, furryness, autism, psychosis, spiritual beliefs, familiarity and importance to an animal or myth, a lot can play into it! for some beings, the experiences are very separate from each other, for others, they may cause each other or be linked or overlap, it can all depend and change around, so dont stress too much on whats what, but if you wish, you can play around and see what belongs to what, ive had the fact im a furry sometimes overlap with the fact im otherkin, and even fuel each other, but i still see them as separate identities, its all a big complicated soup. and i will say to just fuck around and see what labels you see fit

figuring out your kintype can take a while, and its not uncommon that what you first consider to be your kintype may not be the one that you actually feel you are. for example my first through upon discovering kin stuff was that i may be a cat, ive loved cats since i was practically born, ive always wanted to be a cat and themed myself around cats, hell my fursona is a cat! turns out im not one, ive tried and figured stuff out and experimented and well a cat just wasnt it. from this i'd just say to explore different animals or mythic beasts or types of robot etc etc

from that, what has helped me personally to figure out kintype stuff is to see what you desire feel and act, what kind of environment do you crave for? forests? mountains? deserts? theres a lot! what do you wish your body looked like? everyone talks about wanting claws and fangs and such but really think about it, what do you want for your body? what would make you happier? what would make you see your body more as your true self? any particular diet you have or wish to have? any behaviors you've derived from a being? maybe you hiss maybe you bark maybe you knead. do you feel limbs that arent there? such as ears? tails? horns? just look around outside and inside to see what you crave what you do what you want and such

one thing that i did while trying to figure out kin stuff was to just. draw how i view myself in my mind, and not concentrate on design or what i like and dislike on character designs, just like, draw what comes to mind on an "ideal body", you shift around features from the vague idea of who you are in your mind, draw different tails draw different snouts draw different body shapes, and see what fits and sticks, sometimes you can land on yes "thats exactly me", sometimes you can land on "its a vague idea of me but can aid me in figuring it out". thats kinda how it lead to me figuring out im primatekin, i had multiple different attempts and sketches of what i think i look like in my mind, and i just kept going until much trial and error later i found something. it went from "humanoid?" to "halfly animal-like" to "has a long tail" to "small and expressive" and eventually to a primate! (and thats how my mizamonkey design came to be QSHFHD). again for some this may bring a concrete design while to others it may be just a vague guide, not every tip works for everyone.

despite a few points ago where i stated that being obsessed with an animal or myth doesnt always equal to it being your kintype, it sometimes can be! and its sometimes how kintypes can originate to people (if we're taking the psychological otherkin route, this doesnt work too well with spiritual otherkin). sometimes youre just so obsessed and interested with an animal or myth or fiction trope that your brain kinda, adopts it for your identity. this is what happened to me for werewolves, since i was a wee lad ive been OBSESSED with werewolves and i read about them and drew about them and made stories about them that my brain has seemingly just. grabbed it and went "thats you". so look into your childhood or current state of living and see what animals and beings and such you connect with! again just as a few points ago, it doesnt always mean its your kintype, but it can be!

being alterhuman is different for everyone, i sometimes still think of this message i saw ages ago that went "ask 10 therians what being a therian means for them, and you get 11 different answers", so just because this otherkin experiences xyz, doesnt mean everyone does, and vice versa! i used to have a lot of stress about this bc i felt like i was a faker bc i didnt experience like others but after a while i managed to mellow out on it and its making me feel better!

related to that i would be careful about the resources you seek out bc from my experience seeking out resources has been a very 50/50, some tips and advice is great! while others are just why would you follow that. use your critical mind and see what suits you and what helps you.

this is more a personal opinion but i feel like the whole "choosing your kintype" debacle doesnt have a correct and concrete answer. to me if you were to just choose whatever kintype you want it may not actually be the kintype you feel like you are. i would absolutely choose to be a wolverine if i could! but it just doesnt align with my kintype and i cant force it as my kintype even if i tried. i would say that you can "try out" kintypes to see if it fits, its all about experimenting after all. its just that for most, its not as easy as pick and choose. its mainly bc your freely chosen kintype may just not be who you are, if you wanna choose a kintype either way, the community has adopted the term "copinglink" for such. for most alterhumans they did not choose their kintype. again its about trial and error

overall its going to be a lot of trial and error to figure stuff out. it took me 2 years to finally land on my proper kintypes! you may find kintypes and you may drop them. you may find yourself to not be otherkin after all! if you want more personal tips and questions you can message me here or on discord! (but i prefer discord bc tumblrs dm system is kinda cramped and buggy).

[genork-the-fandork]

Team

Word Count: 762 Prompt: Cooperation Featured Characters: Takuma Momozuka & Minoru Hinata & Kaito Shinonome A/N: Okay, so I said I was going to explore other characters, but there are a couple days where I return to the main eight. This is one of those days. There is some slightly spoiler-ish territory? But in reality, this is just a kind of made up scenario of a brainstorming session my three favorite boys go through. (I say favorite as if I don't love Shuuji and Ryo to a degree too, haha.) It's been a while since I've written them or witnessed them, so I hope it's not terribly OOC. But nevertheless, I persist! @surviveweek

They needed a plan, but they couldn't agree on anything. Well. Correction. The boys couldn't agree on anything.

Aoi, Saki, and Miu had slunk away to let them all work it out. Takuma, Minoru, and Kaito stood in a triangle of sorts, three points of one shape, but all vastly different-minded. The Kemonogami stood in the spaces between them, a triangle of their own, but they hadn't weighed in on this particular discussion just yet. It seemed they had a silent agreement to let them work it out on their own. For once, Takuma did wish that Agumon at least would interject with something, anything.

Minoru sighed, his hands propped on his hips as his entire body slumped with the motion. "We're going in circles. Obviously we need to do something, but…" His expression crumpled, and he kept his eyes fixed on his feet. "I'm not sure we should be risking so much with everything's that happened."

"There's probably no other way," Kaito insisted, his arms crossed tightly across his chest. If he didn't keep his hands contained, they would start flying, and then nothing would get done. "It might be the only way we'll all get out of here."

Takuma agreed with both of them, in some sense. Yes, it was possible that fighting their way out seemed to be the only way to get things done in this world, but Minoru was right—so much had been lost already. How much more before there was nothing left? No one left? And why was it that he was caught in the middle of this? Again?

Kaito glanced down at Dracmon, who stared back at him in silence. "Do you three have anything to add?"

"You know I'm going to follow you no matter what you do, Kaito," Dracmon said simply.

"And I'll follow you, Takuma!" Agumon said, raising one of his clawed hands. Takuma couldn't ask for a better answer from his partner. It was support, and he knew he was going to need it in the coming hours, even days.

All eyes turned to Falcomon, who held up his wings. "You both have valid points. We'll need to be smart about this."

"Exactly. The smart thing to do is to face it head-on. They won't expect it, after everything." Kaito gestured vaguely, referring to the mysterious "they" that was after them.

"But what if they do? We already tried something like that, and Shuuji—" Minoru's mouth twisted, and he saw the pain flash across Kaito and Takuma's faces. What had happened to Ryo had been terrible. What happened to Shuuji… indescribable. Even if Minoru tried, it just made his stomach twist. Swallowing back the bile that wanted to creep up his throat, he continued, "Bad things have happened when we've tried this."

Kaito shook his head in exasperation. "We know better now. If we all stick together, it should be fine. Takuma?" He turned to Takuma, who had retained the same thoughtful look on his face during this entire discussion.

"You're both right," Takuma began. "We need to be careful, and we need to be smart. I do think sticking together, at least better than we have been, will help. Sitting around rarely works out for us. We usually end up doing something rash."

"What do you suggest, Takuma?" Falcomon asked, his eyes seeming particularly wise at this moment.

Takuma closed his eyes to put words to the shapeless thoughts in his head. "We make a plan. A much more thought-out plan than before. We need to be more aware that failure could happen at any moment." He paused, letting out a breath. "Overall, we need to stay together. Keep an eye on each other. Be honest with each other." Slowly, he met Minoru's gaze and then Kaito's. "Then we can make sure we take care of each other."

There was a moment of silence, of contemplation. Kaito and Minoru kept looking at him, processing his proposal. Then they looked at each other and nodded.

"Sounds good to me," Minoru said, the slump disappearing as he straightened and smiled.

Kaito's smile wasn't nearly as wide, but Takuma knew it was genuine all the same. "Yeah. Let's try it."

If this had been a team meeting, Takuma would have suggested they all put their hands in. That didn't seem applicable here, especially not with Falcomon's wings or the eyes on Dracmon's hands, but he pretended they had done it. "Then let's go tell the others."

It was the most hopeful any of the three of them had felt in a long time.

[milimeters-morales]

me rambling about gender for some versions of miles (both canon and au) under the cut

movie miles1610B (non-binary transfem) is the most realistic and expected (imo) when it comes to a teen boy realizing she might be a teen something-else, and there are societal pressures + spider-man pressures + parental pressures + natural high anxiety levels that really add onto why she’s so hesitant and takes the longest to accept and be okay with being trans herself. she’s fine with other trans people, it’s specifically a her thing. She sees gender as just a part of life, something she’s always had, but as she learns more and more, she realizes it is a performance, and she can do whatever she wants, which ends up circling back to looking how she normally does most of the time. really simplified version but you’d have to go through my older posts for more in depth explanations for movie miles specifically. Sometimes i think of Miles being intersex too, but i don’t know enough about the types to be really confident in that hc so it’s more of an exploring starting point whenever i feel like deep diving.

comic miles (cis-genderless) would describe himself as a cis male, but only because that’s what he was assigned at birth, completely uncaring of literally anything else. He’s connected to it because that’s what he was labeled as when he was born, and how he’s connected to the people in his life, but he himself doesn’t see it as anything really important. He’s his parents’ son, he’s his uncle’s nephew, he’s someone’s boyfriend, he’s the “strange boy” to a stranger, he’s the “black dude”, and though he hates that his race has anything to do with his connection to being male, it unfortunately shapes him. To himself, he is just Miles! If someone referred to him with more feminine language, he would be shocked but not totally weirded out, it depended on intent. He’s not open about this either bc he doesn’t see it as something important to share, but Ganke and Kenneth would be the first to know if he cared to tell. if he had a spidey social media acc he would have he/they in the pronouns section

playstation miles (questioning non-binary) is diff between the two games he’s mainly in, mostly because he figured out he was non-binary ages ago and was ready to come out, but so many things have happened in a short amount of time, which basically shoved him back into the closet. He was going to come out to his parents, but then his father died, and miles had this subconscious worry about now being the “man” of the house that his mother could also rely on so she wouldn’t have to grieve alone, and to prove that he could handle his own grief as well. his grief made him forget his own gender struggles for a time, and Roxxon, Phin’s death, Aaron’s reveal, it all stacked up and he was just “fine i’m not non-binary anymore i can’t deal with another huge thing!!” Now, in SM2, he was vaguely considering it again, because it felt so right before his father died, and things seem to be going okay lately, but you know how that went. Kraven capturing him also hurt the masculine parts of himself that he liked, so throw that into the fire. He only really feels he has time after the events of SM2, but is hesitant to come out or talk to anyone about it, because he just isn’t sure and doesn’t want to seem like he’s faking, so he just stews for now. It does bother him a lot and he experiences dysphoria in the “wish i didn’t have a human body” way. poor non-binary essential worker :(

e-42 miles (agender) is right after this instead of with movie miles because of how similar he is to playstation miles and comic miles. However, he is completely ignoring it to the point where he almost forgets it entirely, because he cares so little. His remaining family and fighting to make the world even slightly better is all he really cares about, so something like gender, including being regarded as a “son” and “nephew”, mean nothing, it’s about the bond rather than the label people give to it. He doesn’t feel this pressure of not feeling like he can tell his mom or uncle, it’s more of a “i might be non-binary but i have a job rn so i don’t really care about that” thing for him. However, he doesn’t like being referred to in any feminine way, and likes neutral/masculine language.

acau miles (complicated) is definitely not cis but autism + trauma recovery makes him view himself as “not human not animal just miles and spider-man!” so unlabeled spiderthing is where he’s at. Their pronouns got lost in the wash. It missed its gender orientation. Actually, Miles doesn’t use pronouns past 9pm: Get Fucked, Well-Meaning Citizen! Also, she doesn’t understand why some people get so worked up and invested with gender and pronouns, but he does sometimes say very rude and offensive things to Peter even before learning he’s trans because of what he’s heard growing up and what it knows that generally pisses men off. Matt and Aaron are working on making him less of a personified CoD lobby dw… it’s just gonna take a bit lol. doesn’t help that Peter returns the insults in full and encourages it against others sometimes

[cut-content-contest]

Moonjumper

The jist of his character is that he is the corpse of a prince, and his two rivals are the princes ghost and the princes ex. The 3 fuckers want to rule over the same area so competition. Also moonjumper I think only appears on the horizon, meaning he is the only 2d character in a 3d game which is pretty dope.

They were a cut character that was originally supposed to be pretty important, but all we got was gamefiles of vague information, a flat character model, a bit of dialogue, and some music. That hasn't stopped many different and wildly unique headcanons, designs, and stories from taking shape from the original scraps of this one axed character.

The third area/chapter in the game had a much different story in its concept stage, and even though the level was designed enough to be playable for a demo, the devs decided to simplify the story for that area from three central characters to one and a half. Originally, he was a prince that met with a terrible fate at the hands of his obsessively jealous princess, and he somehow got trapped on the horizon without any memories of his original life, instead going mad. He was going to offer information about the area to help to the protagonist, though he really wants to manipulate and control her and everyone else into being unable to leave the area. Mj's backstory was ultimately given to the new central character, Snatcher (who also existed but got a bit of a personality shift with his new spotlight), his musical theme (and somewhat his design) repurposed for the game's item dealer, and MJ himself was removed from the game. Bits of the original story are still scattered around (a spectral body outline on the wall, a face painted in the attic of an icy manor, the scrapped explorable area that still exists out of bounds in the final version of the game, a broken tower), but the character only exists in mods, fanworks, and the concept artist for the original level fleshing out his ideas in art. He has a lot of speculation about his full backstory, abilities, and role, but there's very little sources to have anything beyond theories.

okay. so. let me give you the basis of a hat in time's third (or second during the time moonjumper still existed) chapter. evil ghost guy steals the protag's soul and makes her do shit for him and along the way you can get Lore on why he's a ghost and turns out Another ghost-like entity that you encounter in the chapter killed him while they were both Alive. its more detailed than that but that is Not the point. ok. ghost guy who steals your soul. his name is snatcher. ghost guy who Killed snatcher. her name is vanessa. Where does moonjumper come in you may be asking. well. ORIGINALLY moonjumper was in snatcher's place. but! snatcher also existed in the game at the same time as moonjumper- just with a different backstory. eventually, moonjumper was scrapped, and snatcher filled that role. there are So many things involving moonjumper that got just outright removed because of this. However. there are also things that Didnt get removed that are still in the game that can be traced back to moonjumper, mostly through his design being different from snatchers- moonjumper's design is much, much more closer to the design of moonjumper/snatcher while he was still alive opposed to snatcher, who is just a purple ghost noodle. but even then, their human design and moonjumper's design still have quite a few differences. many people in the fandom/fan community of a hat in time like to try and incorporate moonjumper back into the story, and everyone's different takes are always fun to see :)

He was originally to be the remains of the prince, and was to haunt (and I believe attempt to take over) Subcon Forest. I’m pretty sure he was scrapped because a) there would have been too much going on in that one region and b) Snatcher was the spirit of the prince and in charge of the forest, so maybe they decided it was a little weird to have two characters come from the same dead guy. Also he would 100% have been a tumblr sexyman

Moonjumper is a cut character from A Hat In Time. Originally, they were going to live in Subcon Forest, and have puppetmaster motifs. He was also going to be the prince killed by Vanessa. The motifs and being killed by Vanessa were instead given to Snatcher, my little scrunkle doo.

Apparently originally there were supposed to be three characters for the Subcon Forest level, Moonjumper was supposed to be the Prince in the original story, but was later replaced with the Snatcher, who wasn't the Prince in original story. He still had NPC files on the full release of the game, but it wasn't a model, rather just 2D image with particle effects

He was a scrapped antagonist for the level of Subcon forest! Moon Jumper was scrapped due to the Snatcher being the main character for subcon forest, and not having room for subplots. Early developer commentary states that the Moon Jumper was stuck in the horizon and that his role throughout the level of Subcon forest was to get Hat Kid to join him in the horizon.

wiki link: https://ahatintime.fandom.com/wiki/Moon_Jumper video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mor-oR5ti9E showing off the NPC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krHXy8afF74

Yosuke romance route

persona 4 has got this friendship/romance mechanic called "social links" which is basically just 10 events that you can choose to gradually level up for each sociable character in the game where you raise your relationships with said characters, which gives you various in-game boosts. most of the women in the game are able to be romanced. however, there is cut dialogue which implies that at some point, one of the male characters was meant to be a romance option as well! yosuke hanamura, the main character's best friend, has cut dialogue for his social link rank 10 event which is voiced (VOICED!! IN ENGLISH AND JAPANESE!! WHILE PEOPLE HAVE DENIED THIS SINCE THE ENGLISH VOICE LINES HAVE HIM SAYING "I LIKE YOU," IN THE JAPANESE VOICE LINES, HE IS EXPLICITLY CONFESSING TO YOU I'M PRETTY SURE!!) that implies that there was at some point going to be an option to romance him. it's assumed that this was cut somewhere later in development due to the lines being voice acted, though i believe that the reason this was cut has not been confirmed yet (though, seeing as how persona 4 was made in the 2000s....... you can probably just guess why lol)

there were unreleased voice lines that showed what was supposed to be a gay route for Persona 4 (there ARE Japanese lines for this as well, and the way in which the "I like you" part is said is the Japanese version of confessing to someone you have a crush on) and a lot of fans do agree that the protagonist is best paired with Yosuke for character development purposes, but it was probably scrapped because of homophobia 😭

Exactly what it says. Was likely scrapped because Atlus are COWARDS who didn't wanna give us the gay romance we deserved. It would have been so cute though I'm forever pissed it was scrapped...

We know it was programmed it. Yosuke is the only male character with dialogue flags, meaning you can fail his social link. The only other characters with these flags are the female love interests. Yosuke also has recorded, in both English and Japanese, final confession lines, something unique to max rank romance social links. This means it was likely scrapped very late in development. As the game also covers (badly) gender and sexuality, we can hypothesize that Yosuke's character arc was supposed to be overcoming internalized homophobia. Instead he just kinda stays "jokingly" homophobic and never grows past it.

The player would have been able to enter a romantic relationship with the character Yosuke Hanamura— text and voice lines for this option still exist within the game, and can be activated via modding. They even have proper translations, and the English versions of the lines are voiced as well, implying that the cut was made rather far into development. While this is a sad loss in its own right, it also has devastating implications in regards to the original state of other pieces of LGBT+ representation which may have also been scrapped and/or heavily modified to appear. For example, Kanji’s attraction to men and Naoto’s gender situation were both downplayed and/or walked back in the final version of the game, but it’s highly likely that Yukiko’s arc was originally intended to include more bisexual overtones, and arguments can be made for Rise’s arc being meant to center on the struggle to come to some sort of terms with her own sexuality and presentation in an industry that keeps such a tight hold on those aspects of its workers lives.

throughout the entirety of persona 4 (+golden), yosuke is portrayed to be the best friend of the protag, but also extremely homophobic towards another male character who was hinted at being gay (before atlus fucked that narrative up too). his social link hints at him having a crush on the protag, and he was intended to have a romantic route just like the female characters, but that was cut (not sure why). the whole game is about embracing the truth, including your hidden sides that you are ashamed to show to others, and having yosuke come to terms with his repressed homosexuality (& realizing that he has internalized homophobia) would have fit perfectly within that theme, but atlus said fuck that shit and cut that entire romance out. the cut dialogue can easily be found on youtube. the thing with this being cut out is that without the romance and coming to terms with his homosexuality, the only thing left of yosuke is being very homophobic. no one condems yosuke for what he says to the other male character, and it is never addressed beyond mere gags or jokes. it's horrible to sit through and honestly it was such a missed opportunity. it's such an issue that people have made a mod implementing a romantic route for yosuke just because of this. every day i mourn thinking of what could have been

This game explores many queer themes, but lacks any explicit queer relationships. The fact that file scrapers and modders discovered an unused voice line for one of the male characters that implies a romance option for him was cut from the final game makes queer fans feel let down, regardless of how groundbreaking the other queer plot points were at the time of release. It's speculated that it was cut because devs or localizers thought that it would be too much queer content in one game, and that it would affect sales and create too much controversy. I, however, believe that anyone who manages to get through the mandatory gay sauna dungeon would have had no stones to throw about an optional mlm romance.

The first party member in Persona 4, Yosuke Hanamura, was originally going to be a viable romantic partner once the player got far enough into his Social Link. This was removed rather late in development, as voiced lines for a scene where he and the protagonist begin dating were recorded in both Japanese and English. To this day, Persona 2: Innocent Sin remains the only Persona game where the protagonist can enter a gay relationship with another boy.

In this game you can choose to romance several people. There is cut voiced dialogue for a romance route for Yosuke, the main character's best friend, but in the final game he is not a romanceable character. Some are of the opinion that taking out the romance option for Yosuke removes the complexity from his character.

https://gamerant.com/persona-4-golden-mod-yosuke-romance/

[mygainyear2024]

Day 15 Read if you have nothing better to do...a day without toilet paper!

My body was not happy with me after that run yesterday, and throw in the amount of alcohol and sugar I've been consuming, staying close to home was my choice today as I am exploring Albufeira tomorrow.

I did hobble to the gym to do an upper body workout as I wanted to burn some calories so I could try Sweet and Salt, as recommended by the waiter at the restaurant (currently nameless to me) that used to be the Post Office in Praia da Rocha. And OMG I'll be back every other day as there were too many options, including pancakes with banana, chocolate peanut butter and almonds! I wasn't 100% happy with my choice, the apple strudel looked great on the counter, but they heated it up!

So back to the gym, I need some advice....the toilet had no paper. There was definitely a human in the next cubicle. In a crisis, I need a universal language, among women, for "can you pass me some toilet paper please!" I tried "scusi, can you please pass me some papier por favour!" and then "olá, I have no papier, can I have some please?". Radio silence! The mixed language clearly didn't work, maybe banging on the wall and putting my hand under it might have helped? I had momentarily thought to mention there was no paper to the receptionist and then forgot - we'll come back to this later.

I think it was about 28° here today, it felt more like low to mid 30°s. After my homemade sardine tosta I decided to tick off a couple of art galleries and shops, forgetting sometimes places don't open on Mondays and in the Mediterranean sometimes places close for sesta.

It was a pleasurable stroll nonetheless, until it was time to find a toilet. I've been fortunate to find places just in time, including at the larger supermarkets. In the Algarve I haven't had to also find coins to pay. My local Pingo Doce was in close proximity, but no bloody toilet paper! You can never be too old to learn new things, this time it was that mentol tissues aren't the best substitute for toilet paper, but I guess the aftermath of a cool tingly sensation is better than a wet patch?

I headed home to fluff around before going back to the gym to try Power Jump, which I learnt a few days ago was a workout on a trampoline. I asked the instructor kindly if she could speak a little bit of english, as I've done with all the others (and when I was sold the membership, the woman said it was not going to be a problem for the instructors to teach in both languages). I do understand this can be tricky, but apart from the word "stop" used once, that was it! Thankfully I learnt numbers in those two language classes and I recognised 1, 2 and 4 and I didn't fall off.

I vaguely remember doing exercise on a trampoline in Australia about two decades ago. And two decades ago my pelvic floor must have been in better shape despite two births. Midway through the class I had a sensation in my anal sphincter that required me to tighten a different muscle in this class, and once I got that under control I had to turn on my pelvic floor muscles as my bladder was under duress! I thought about making an exit but it was dark and I'd have to return to deal with the trampoline. I couldn't wait for the class to be over! After putting away that heavy trampoline, I hightailed it to the toilet, the instructor got in my way and this time she could speak english "we're doing photos" she said. Fuck that! I said "no" and darted to the toilets, and FFS, the same toilet still had no paper!

Tomorrow is another day :)

[libbyjanestudio4]

IPO ONE

Intent:

to create large finger paintings that take you into a natural and bodily world through the use of my whole physical body. Directing striking colours and vaguely familiar shapes reminiscent of plants and organs onto the canvas.

The idea of depicting the bodily in a flora-esque way is a reference to how most plants inhabit both “male” and “female” genitalia within one body. Inside all of us is both the masculine and the feminine in a spiritual sense, and in my work I want to explore the synergy between those two energies. The Materiality of the works will exhibit both smooth and blended moments paired alongside erratic movement that works with oil paint as a medium rather than trying to control it. I will continue to explore building a multitude of layers that can be scratched back to expose what lies underneath the surface of the work.

Background:

Last semester I was really into insects and their little world. The different insect characters within it. I did plenty of research around invasive species and  insect societies. Exploring the parallels between their way of life and our own.

The research I did around not only insects but other painters really informed my process. I looked at abstract artists that use bright energetic colours to create crazy movement filled works. As well as artists that maintain a referential aspect to recognisable “real” shapes from the “real” world.

Last semester I did find myself stuck too close to the direct depiction of insects. I wasnt pushing into the abstract as much as I would have liked. This was probably due to a very specific IPO I wrote, and the research that I undertook. Also the idea I had I wasnt as involved with or inspired by. I hit the wall many times despite my models being strong abstract artists. Despite this issue I did start begin to develop new techniques that I will continue to use. Scratching back paint to reveal other layers of paint that had been covered. I also made a  good step by ditching my small bulk packs of warehouse canvases that I was using, and investing in rolls of canvas bigger and taller than me. Creating an opportunity for my body became an even more involved part of the painting process beyond just hands into full movements to create shape.

Method and resources::

This semester I'm taking all that I have learnt in my last three semesters in studio, that being the depiction of the movements of insects, flowers, the bodily, and femininity/gender identity. 

I intend to look into ideas around gender and the progression past binary representation. The energies of nature, bodies and the assigned gender associations that exist in the modern, western zeitgeist that is practically inescapable.

The spiritual aspects of gender extend far beyond physical form, and what those forms might be.

Nature and the spiritual have been deeply intertwined forever, and through research and painting, I want to depict a physical manifestation of these ideas that can be a struggle to put into words. 

With a space all to myself this semester I plan to continue working on large-scale, heavily layered abstract works that draw from the natural and spiritual references I will continue to look at as I work. 

Resources: 

I have my workspace that is just my own this semester which is very helpful so that I can use the entire space without needing to worry about getting my messy paint hands on other peoples important things.

I will be using oil alongside some acrylic paints and various pointy and blunt things i can find to scratch at the surface of the canvas I will paint on. All of this will probably be from Gordon Harris. 

As I am using my hands to paint I will be avoiding cadmium paint to save myself from illness and/or death

[theveryworstthing]

So over on patreon Trevor asked for my take on the Addams Family and I grew up LOVING the Addams family movies so here we are. Instead of doing a straight up style interpretation, I decided to do a full on design challenge, using the characters as bases to make a black southern gothic Addams au. I actually drew the kids first, using the character bases of Wednesday and Pugsley to create some delightful kiddos I'm calling Sunday and Blanche. I of course then redesigned Gomez and Morticia into Carlisle and Mortesha.

The Addams have a very specific high aristocratic goth aesthetic (they've got a butler and nobody really works among other things) so in this re-imagining I wanted to go with vibes that run a little more middle class/upper middle class.  I thought it would be interesting to think about what would be considered weird and off-putting in an entirely different culture, and how being a big ol' goth is way less controversial than it used to be.

I tried to keep this short (HAHAHAHAHAHA) so I didn't spin off into an essay about villain coded families, black people in the horror genre, and normalcy as it pertains to social survival, but just...bits of that are in these designs and lore. Keep that in mind.

Also I made the kids twins because they've flip flopped in age so much in different media and also twins run in my family (i'm the daughter of one). And let's face it, I'm pulling a lot of their southern gothic traits from living as a southern goth so *shrug*.

10 thousand pounds of lore incoming loooooooooool.

The Parents

From the moment he saw her he knew that there was a 50/50 chance of him either never making it out of that swamp alive or marrying the figure that was creeping out from under the distant willow tree in a black cocktail dress. The third time she found him trussed up in one of her traps, he complimented her rope work and asked if she'd like to go out sometime after his head wound stopped bleeding.

Or while it was still bleeding.

If she was into that.

Some kids and a mysteriously burnt down Piggly Wiggly later, their love is still as strong and inescapable as a bear trap in a sink hole.

Carlisle Guillermo (now Addams through marriage but I wanted to give him two first names for a name since Gomez has two last names) makes a vaguely described living practicing ‘law’ around town. A loophole king, people come to him from miles around with contracts signed in blood, fights over chunks of hair buried in their rivals’ yard, dehydrated primate hands, memories that seemed like dreams until the evidence of their happenings became too real, and other regular Legal Items asking for counsel which he is all too happy to give. For a price. Sometimes that price is a homemade pie and sometimes it’s a million dollars, depends on who you are. Whatever you’re asked to pay it’s worth that price, and if you try to scam him out of work or he just plain doesn’t like you? Well. He knows how to twist a contract better than anything at the crossroads.

And he always gets his due.

He doesn’t just serve the local (living)humans though, there are many things that need proper legal representation in this day and age. You wouldn’t believe how many city councils try to build on sacred burial grounds even after he lets them know that his ghostly clients are totally gonna haunt the FUCK out of the ensuing shitty condos and curse their families for all eternity. At least 50% of his energy goes towards dealing with real estate bullshit.

Carl is an excitable and good natured(?) man who loves his family, cigars, dancing, and his many knife-based hobbies. People find him very charming once they get past the feeling that they’re talking to a sultry gator badly disguising itself as a human. I didn’t put a ton of deep thought into designing him, mostly I wanted to make a middle aged dude who looked like he would have been voted ‘most likely to smooch the literal devil’ in high school. Tbh he probably has, but no demonic ex’s can compare to his lovely wife~

Mortesha Addams(her name was already perfect so I just tweaked it)is a woman of many talents. A self proclaimed homemaker, she prides herself on a greenhouse full of Concerning Foliage, a beautiful wasp apiary, and a coop full of what are probably chickens that she keeps for what are probably eggs. She’s also an avid creator of the outsider art that can be seen around the estate. She has taken on the family business of selling her homemade goods in a little stall by the road just outside the swamp with her mom, and makes pretty good money doing so. A surprising amount of poison gets bought in quaint southern towns.

Speaking of poison, people who come out to the edge of the swamp to buy it are usually carrying a lot of secrets around, and Mortesha knows most of them. It’s not like she pries the truth out of people, it just so happens that many nervous hellos eventually turn into the tragic backstory power hour if she’s alone with a client for long enough. She supposes that’s just how people are. Despite the fact that the Addams are very active in the community (whether the community likes it or not) she especially, as a direct descendant of the first Addams matriarch, is seen as…Well not an outsider because the community feels A Certain Way about outsiders and despite it all the Addams are their people, but maybe something like an exception. They feel like whatever weirdness they’re hiding can’t be weirder than any given Addams, so they get a little loose with their words.

This is amusing to her, since Addams’ don’t naturally keep the kind dramatic secrets that their surface level prim and proper neighbors do. It’s much more fun to openly talk about those things.

Do they have a sadly decrepit yet terrifying grandma up in the attic? Yeah, like three. They got a tv, all the creepy porcelain dolls they could want, and they’re close to family. Where do you keep your gram-grams?

Any bodies buried on the property? Yeah some, but most are thrown to the gators.

Any creeping through the balmy summer night with ill intentions? Yeah dude, everyone loves a nice family stroll.

What about dangerous forbidden love? If an adult Addams isn’t incorporeal then they’re either queer or in a torrid romance with some person/thing mysteriously drawn to that awful swamp. Sometimes both at the same time. Most times actually.

Mortesha would know.

The current head of the Addams family is just as outgoing as her husband but a lot quieter and harder to read. She never really seems to get mad about much and always has a genteel smile for everyone whether they deserve it or not. A seven foot tall human shaped “Oh, bless your heart”. A perfectly composed Lady even when she’s, oh I dunno, burning down a Piggly Wiggly. You know. A regular southern mom. Chat her up at the hair salon for 50% off a jar of wasp honey with your next purchase of a mysterious but foreboding packet of herbs.

Designing her was pretty easy because I just drew a lankier Grace Jones and called it a day. I had some problems with her outfit simply because if we were going HARD southern gothic then she’d probably be wearing a white/cream dress with a fuller skirt but I thought keeping the silhouette and the black was more important. She’s supposed to be an anti southern gothic southern gothic character anyway. A woman who looks like she has a million secrets who is actually the most open person you could meet. For better or worse. The red hair came from a coloring error that I really ended up liking (my mom had red hair her whole childhood that only darkened up in high school so I can buy that an Addams can be naturally fire engine red) and the veil was to get more of that classic Morticia silhouette in there.

The Children

Sunday and Blanche are the twin children of Carlisle and Mortesha Addams. Some say the Addams clan got their cursed homestead when a wealthy local businessman made a deal with the devil and lost, leaving his grand mansion to his least favorite maid and cutting his losses once he realized that the swamp would do everything it could to drag the house into the water and take what was owed with its horrible curse. Others say that the family has just always squatted there and no one really cares because man, fuck that particular swamp. Have you been in there? Absolute horror show.

Anyway.

Blanche is the more outgoing sibling and quite the engineer/mad scientist in the making. He started going grey at 2 weeks old but considering he was also rocking some extra fingers, toes, and a tiny tail (he takes after his dad), his parents just put it on the 'not life threatening' pile and decided not to worry about it. He's the kind of smart that teachers find utterly infuriating, less a dog eagerly learning and obeying commands and more a hyena who keeps teaching itself how to pick locks. He has a few friends in his school's robotics club (which they honestly allowed him to make so the school could contain his... creations) but mostly hangs out with his sister exploring the swamp. They find all sorts of neat things in there! wedding rings, suspiciously lumpy garbage bags, cloaked cultists who can't read private property signs, it's an adventure every day!

Blanche is all about experimentation with his creations, his look, and his tether to this mortal coil. Is lipstick a cool thing to try? Let's find out. Can he get out of a strait jacket fast enough after being pushed into the depths of the swamp by his sister? let's find out. He's not dead yet and confused local doctors can attest to the fact that he's rarely attained more than a bad bruise so he's pretty set on continuing to kiss rattlesnakes on their cute little heads and have his sister practice her knife throwing at him until that fact changes.

Blanche is very much a country goth. Cowboy boots (customized by his mom), knife, and lighter are daily accessories. He likes to wear the crusty swamp jewelry they find (the rust adds a splash of color!) and despite appearances he does try to keep himself neat. He's just got  natural Grunge Colors and a tendency to wear clothes he likes until they fall apart. Pugsley always seemed the most modernly styled to me (which might just be because little boys clothes have been the same for a long time) so I wanted Blanche to be the most purposely fashionable Addams. Everyone else is goth by nature, but he's the only one truly familiar with goth as an alternative fashion.

I got really into designing Blanche because honestly, I find Pugsley to be the most boring member of the family. And he was hard to design! I had to mess with his vibe a lot to get him looking how I wanted. I know he's supposed to evoke an " 'evil' little boy next door who's parents never reign him in", but that's just goth Dennis The Menace.  I's 2020. We can at least go queer goth Calvin.

Sunday was much easier to design. Wednesday was my favorite as a child (of course) and I really wanted to keep the spirit of her look while adding things like billowy sleeves (it gets HOT down here), big poofy twists instead of braids, and a nice tie. She's a professional after all, been running the local pet cemetery since she was 6 and the previous groundskeeper met with an unfortunate accident after telling her that tarantulas don't have souls. Her specialty is creating beautiful naturalistic animal funerals similar to those that Maquenda (https://linktr.ee/artofmaquenda) makes, and she takes pride in creating miniature dioramas of her subjects after each burial which she uses as a kind of 3D catalog for future clients.

She really wants to try out her skills on humans one day. Well. Publicly try out her skills. Lotta random bodies float into the swamp. None of them have turned down her requests for diorama models so far. Most seem downright flattered. Plus, she usually figures out which graveyard/crime scene they floated over from and gets her parents to give them a lift back. She'll even help enact terrifying revenge from beyond the grave on whoever put them there if she's not, y'know, busy.

Besides arts, crafts, and pet based funerary arrangements, Sunday is an avid lover of archery (any ranged weapon really), books where little fantasy adventure animals die dramatic deaths, and history. She is That Kid who eagerly raises her hand when asked who Christopher Columbus was and ends up being sent out of class after 15 minutes for making 'a scene'. Her favorite party trick is just picking an item in the room and talking about how it relates to either some obscure historical figure with a buck wild life or a horrible disaster. At least one charity pancake breakfast ended with children in tears after her vivid description of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919.

Social-wise, while Wednesday is the girl that people ask to smile because they think she'd, "look so pretty", Sunday is rarely asked anything at all. People just kind of assume from her quiet nature (in between horrible history facts) that she's angry all the time and that she hates everyone. This is untrue. She hates some people but she's ambivalent to most everyone else and even downright friendly if you bother to talk to her like a person instead of a terrifying cryptid. Like, she IS a terrifying cryptid but she's also a little girl.  

That’s about it for now. One day I might do the other family members but for now I’m happy with the four I’ve redesigned. Making an au! Lurch in a family that doesn’t do butlers could be interesting. Over on patreon I put forth that he could just be Motesha’s mute little brother (similar bone structure) but Amy Crook had the nice idea of quote: “ a mysterious "cousin" that "helps around the house" whose origins are both long in the past and faintly unsettling. He's good for lifting heavy things, like that tank of propane you're about to throw into the burning Piggly Wiggly... “ which i now consider canon. Who's kid is he? How old is he? Not important. Anyone willing to commit arson with you is family.

Annnnyway.  This challenge was a lot of fun! I love indulging in AU’s.

[tiptapricot]

A jokingly and then not so jokingly apocamarc relationship examination💖💖💖

I don’t know what this became but let’s get into it

First off let’s get some Apocalypse basics (skimmed over multiple canon things as well as the movie but don’t read into the deets too hard)

Apocalypse is (debatably) the first mutant in marvel canon, a child who was thrown out for his grey and blue skin before being found and raised for his potential

Through that life he came to believe himself a god, conquering civilizations

He also has Egyptian ties, having grown up there

He’s extremely powerful and has merged with celestial technology that boosts those powers further including: energy blasts, shape shifting, flight, super speed, telepathy, telekinesis, genius level intellect and tactics, etc.

To make this armor work for him he had to be infected with a virus, so his body is slowly being eaten away, causing his consciousness to need to be transferred to different bodies over time

This is where we find him at the beginning of Oscar’s Xmen film, but he is betrayed and wakes up in the 80s, learning about life and collecting his four horsemen

He is unbelievably powerful, but he is alone, and the movie focuses on that with the xmen beating him via teamwork (and the Phoenix force ahA)

So now that that baseline is there, let’s explore how Apocamarc could come to be:

Imagine, after xmen apocalypse but in like a diff timeline layout that doesn’t have it happening in the 80s, Apocalypse’s mind reaches desperately out for somewhere to stay as his body disintegrates

He sees the Phoenix force and accepts that that being is more powerful than him, that it will wreak havoc and cleanse the world for him in his absence, and so he accepts the fate of his body, but not his mind

Being near godlike, it’s not hard to believe that his mind could connect to the over void as a sort of superhighway, breaking through the world of the gods for an earthly tether

And with very few avatars left on earth, it’s not hard to think that from there, his mind could find itself latching onto the MK system, a fragment of him latching on in his last moments as a form of survival

It’s an easy day in the flat in london, Marc fronting to make dinner, when something painful suddenly slams into the back of his consciousness, causing him to shout and double over, a new presence blooming in their mind, but not like a new headmate, like how it felt when he was taken over by Khonshu at the trial

Only it almost feels like an equal exchange

For a split second, a weight is lifted from their mind that Marc hadn’t realized was still there, only for something just as heavy to replace it

Basically, Apocalypse’s intrusion boots Khonshu out forcefully, severing him from his avatars

And what Marc realizes then, too, is that this new presence has created a thicker wall between him and Steven. He can still hear him, talk to him vaguely, but he is, for all intents and purposes, strangely front stuck

And then Apocalypse makes himself known

He tries to influence Marc, to get him to aid in his own dark plans, but Marc is too discombobulated and used to Khonshu’s BS to even give him the time of day

So they end up in a strange space of just… having to deal with a piece of a dying godlike being psychically attached to their mind, and Marc being unable to switch out even when he needs to

And this lasts for… months. Months of struggling, of talking to this thing in their head, of Marc and Steven (and Jake, but he’s been pushed so far back) trying to ease the wall between them, because Marc is getting more emotionally exhausted by the day, and this isn’t a time he wants to be vulnerable

But Apocalypse doesn’t get it

His views of grandeur and twisted scope on the world have left him so disconnected from himself, from any feelings

But he sees Marc deal with them, sees him beg for something to change even if he doesn’t know what he’s asking for

And it… shouldn’t… but perhaps it is being in their mind, that allows some of the emotions to bleed over, some of the memories

And one day, Apocalypse loosens his presence, and suddenly Steven is heaving against the counter of their sink, solid in the body for the first time in much too long

Deep in their mind, where Marc has retreated, Apocalypse follows

He finds him wrapped in memories, too many of them

He sees the angry face of a woman, the disgust, the rejection, and it tugs at something distant in himself, a vision of a woman tossing him into the sands, her hands jerking back as if burned, words that he still remembers but that so many have now forgotten too vivid for such an old memory

“Monster”

He shares that with Marc, that understanding, that common ground

And there is a fascination too, creeping into Apocalypse, of the small pieces of this life he has found himself connected to

Over time, it is a slow process, but things shift

A god reconnects to personhood, to the grounding feel of routine, to television, to the woman that greets Marc and Steven so freely, who knows nothing of Apocalypse, but he knows of her, of their care for her

He sees seasons change

He cannot conquer, but he still burns to, still burns to be that creature that was so disgusting to those in his past

Marc talks to him, sometimes. Or more accurately, Apocalypse talks to him and Marc answers

Apocalypse tells him about Khonshu one day, about how he forced him out to force his way in, about how he has pressed on their mind ever since, but there is no longer room for that space in them because Apocalypse is there

And perhaps, one day, the title falls too, and he is En Sabah Nur again

He is not an apocalypse, he is not the end, he is a beginning, his own beginning

And he is endlessly fascinated with Marc Spector

The consciousness he initially latched onto, the man who bleeds such a familiar pain, who he has observed and lived between the moments of

And Marc sees the weight En Sabah Nur holds, watches as he shifts from something so alien and dark, to something more in the shape of humanity

It is a strange thing, to watch a person of such power see the beauty around him again

And it makes Marc… hope again. Because if someone who has done so much wrong can still be a person, can still… feel and be something other than a monster, than maybe he can too

And there grows a gentleness between them, between god and man, a bridge of commonality that is not quite the same, but strangely close

En Sabah Nur does not remember what he used to look like, before his body was transformed, aged, stretched under alien technology, but the system’s body is… good. Home.

Marc is home

Marc is humanity

So… in summary… disconnected man who believes himself to be god rediscovers himself through a last ditch effort to exist, and becomes too taken by the sheer humanity of Marc Spector, of the past he pushes past to continue caring. Slowly being exposed to that changes him into something new, and Marc sees this, feels his presence, feels a strange sense of relief at Khonshu being pushed away.

Even if this is something different, something similar, it is not the same, and En Sabah Nur gives him hope in change. He sees the wistful look he has when he looks out at the world, feels the warmth slide back into that foreign consciousness, and perhaps a fondness grows there as well.

They would be a fascinating exploration of redemption and change, of regrounding, learning from the ordinary. In the end it could eventually end in a separation, a new body, perhaps magic or synthetic, becoming host to En Sabah Nur’s consciousness. And then there is a body, and a man, and things seem more real.

And perhaps he can continue to grow, with Marc, holding him carefully, delicately, still unsure if he will break the uniqueness in him by holding on too tight.

@pizzee @mockspector @scarabgrant you’ve wrought this on yourselves

[twstedstoryshop]

Oooh, how about some HCs for Vil, Malleus, & Riddle in a alien space AU? Humanity advanced to the point where we could interact with other species in this AU, who’s the alien/what planet did each of the boys come from and what is their job? Any significant culture tidbits that are unique to their species?

If you want to include the Reader, Reader can be one of the best and most accomplished space explorers who specializes in cataloging new species of aliens and learning as much about them as possible for the development of future earth-friendly interactions :))

I hope this wasn’t too vague lol, I don’t request stuff often!

I hold up my hands. I say, "Aliens..." and that's it. -Shopkeep

Alien AU with Vil, Malleus, and Riddle

Did you know that there is a planet out in the galaxy that has a carbon-rich composition? Basically, it’s a planet that could be made entirely out of diamond. Yeah, Vil is definitely a creature from that kind of planet.

He’s an alien born from the diamond material. I see him having a sparkling, crystalline body and eyes that look like they shift color when you look at it from a certain angle. I also see him having a very long, tall, and lithe body. Feet that end in sharp points and long, slender claws.

Taking notes from his Overblot design, perhaps he has diamond crystals forming a halo-like crown from his head and other crystals that fan out around his waist like how it does for his bodice.

Has some sort of telekinetic or crystal manipulation power that lets him control crystals. He often uses it to keep a number of beautiful, diamond feather-like tails to trail after him. Can fan out his “tails” as a threat display, to beguile/charm, and as a weapon. Those gems cut!

Vil is a guardian of his home planet among others of his species. I get the feeling a lot of people would be greedy over the diamonds found only on his world and he often has to scare and fend illegal miners off.

Though he is a fierce protector, I bet his planet’s culture may spend a lot of time preening themselves. Shining and shaping their bodies to be the most beautiful around. Vil is among one of the more popular diamond aliens for the hard work he puts into grooming himself.

I imagine him staying within his guardian position, but he may be more open to negotiations for better trading and revenue with other planets between the diamonds his home makes and materials beyond their world. He wants to see his planet flourish but not with thieves trying to hurt the environment.

Basically, a beautiful ambassador that’s gonna charm the hell out of you to start an ethical business with his home world.

BIG SPACE DRAGON. He’s a huge creature that borders on the line between so beautiful but also so strange and foreign. Has a wyvern-like body structure with wings that are structured like how a bat’s wings are. His “hands” are pretty much the wings and they connect all the way down to his ankles.

The membrane is a beautiful glassy green and when he takes flight, you can see the stars shine through them.

His skin is a smooth, but tough leathery black that has an iridescent property to them. When he moves in the light, it’s like a rainbow shines across his form.

Definitely has multiple eyes. He has his main vibrant green eyes and then a couple more positioned between where his horns are. Also split jaw because it isn’t an alien dragon unless it’s unhinging its jaw and having three jaws lined with razor sharp teeth.

Malleus is a mysterious alien entity that not a lot of people have been able to make contact with or research him. The only evidence people know of his existence are distant photos of him. What looked to have been a comet streaking across the sky at first was actually Malleus in flight. He was moving so fast and with such force that he was able to appear like a comet.

Malleus leads a very lonely life as per usual. He’s a creature that safekeeps his galaxy, flying across the sky and visiting various planets to make sure they’re doing okay. He does have friends in the form of his caretaker and two other aliens that act as his entourage but they trail far behind him. It takes ages for them sometimes to catch up to him while he patrols his galaxy.

Couldn’t he just stop and relax for a while? Well, that’s kind of a problem. You see, like how a shark constantly needs to keep swimming forward, Malleus is the same in that flying around the galaxy keeps him alive. The cosmic energy of the galaxy is drawn to him, powering him with his alien abilities. If he just stopped and hunkered down somewhere, he would be basically stopping himself from gaining energy and would slow his functions down to deathly levels.

So sadly, Malleus flies around the galaxy as a lonely creature, doing a thankless job people don’t even realize he’s doing. Maybe one day there could be a ship that could keep up with this celestial dragon and join him in his galaxy patrols…

Literal child of the sun. He is an entity born from the heat and flame of a sun. He looks like a humanoid composed entirely of flame with burning bright eyes and two wisps of fire that make his signature heart antennae.

You’d think a person born from the sun would keep himself far from other living beings, but actually Riddle has access to a suit that allows him to not harm other living beings. The suit also maintains a comfortable high temperature for him to live in.

Riddle has made contact with other intelligent lifeforms you see, be they human or otherworldly, that’s up for you to decide. Either way, with this communication, people have been able to study him, figure out what kind of alien he is, and actually offer him a chance to step off his sun home.

Since his first contact and being able to leave his sun, Riddle has now started to lead a somewhat normal life. Learning what he can, learning about other living beings, and figuring out what he likes! Even as an alien, Riddle is still a studious and hardworking individual.

While he can lead a more enriched life, Riddle needs to still stay within the system of his sun. He is connected to that sun, whatever happens to it, same goes for him. He also needs to spend a good amount of time returning to the surface of his sun to bask in its energy before going back to doing his own thing.

I imagine the others of Heartslabyul being other humans or aliens that were the first people to make contact with Riddle. In due time, the relationship of researcher and subject turned to fast friends between all of them and Riddle is really grateful to this team for reaching out to him. Even though it seemed like he was an untouchable sun that would burn anyone who got too close.

Right now, Riddle is still in the midst of learning rapidly at the space station positioned in his solar system. At the rate he’s going, it wouldn’t sound too far-fetched for him to eventually be another researcher himself.

[inhuman-obey-me]

Happy Birthday Barbatos!

Tumblr ate the quality on these so please click to see properly. <3 

HEADCANON

There are various dark shapes all over Barbatos's body, which might seem to be tattoos at first glance. However, if you really look at them, you'll notice that they are ever-shifting, gradually traveling across him or falling away. Some are dark and sharp, while others look more faded or fuzzy, but there are always a mix of them, always changing. Careful not to stare too long, or you'll find yourself hypnotized by the patterns, lost in the entrancing way they glide upon his skin.

They are not tattoos at all, he explains, but rather shadows of other worlds -- glimpses of moments from other timelines and universes making themselves known upon his form.

Accompanying (slightly steamy) fic below the cut! Or read on AO3 here.

It's late into the night already when you finally manage to shoo everyone out of the hotel room, with excuses of having to get up early for the next day of the Confectionery Expo.

Another chorus of the rowdy group shouting "Happy birthday, Barbatos!" fills the air on their way out, leaving the air feeling cheerful, if now empty.

"My apologies, MC, I should have realized that you were growing tired. Or," the birthday demon says with a politely deferential smile as he comes up behind you to close the door after them, "was there some other reason you wanted them all gone?"

Ooh, cheeky bastard. You were trying to be coy about it, but of course Barbatos is too sharp not to have noticed.

You place a hand lightly on his chest, playing with the buttons on his shirt and batting your lashes coquettishly at him. "Well...I'm not the only one who was kind of excited that there's only one bed in here, am I?"

With a chuckle, he gently removes your hand from his shirt, and for a moment, you worry you might have done something wrong. You'd both been saying that you were happy for the time alone all day, but maybe you had misread things? Were you being too forward?

But no, he's removed your hand so he can undo the buttons himself. "No, I'll confess I was not particularly disappointed either. I wouldn't often have such an opportunity back at the Demon Lord's Castle, I suppose." Gloved fingers tilt your face upwards to meet his eyes. "We'll have to make the most of it."

He catches your lips in a kiss, guiding your hand back onto him. You quickly slide the silky smooth material of his now-open shirt off his shoulders, exploring his usually covered-up frame until your fingers find his and he presses you and your intertwined hands back against the door.

When he finally draws back, you gasp in surprise at the sight.

Given the modesty of his usual butler garb, you hadn't really seen much of his skin before -- and you hadn't quite been expecting to see every inch of the prim and proper servant's torso covered in darkly patterned tattoos. And are they...moving?

He chuckles softly at your surprise and steps back a bit for you to better take it all in. "Not what you were expecting?"

"I don't know what I was expecting," you answer absently, too drawn in by the way the shadows glide slowly across him. Different patterns move in different directions, overlapping and coming undone as they travel, and you yourself feel like you're coming undone at watching them. "What...are they? Tattoos?"

"Not quite," he smiles. "They're shadows."

"Shadows?" you repeat.

Without thinking, you reach a hand out to trace the designs. They're smooth upon his skin, and true to his description, they feel a little bit colder on the darkest parts. Some seem to be patterned in sharply angled lines, while others flow freely in rounded tendrils. They glide across his body at different speeds, seemingly disappearing in random places at times, as others shimmer into existence elsewhere to take their place.

"Yes, shadows. Of other universes. They are from other timelines, you see," he explains, sounding a bit amused. "That one you're touching now is from a far off timeline that long since branched, in which the Demon King never retired to sleep. As the Young Master never took power in that world, conflict is ongoing between the realms, and so a group of lesser demons has surrounded a young angel, where your finger is resting. They will soon destroy and devour the angel, for many of the lesser demons in this world often go hungry."

Now that he's explained it, you're able to make out the abstract shapes of the scene a bit more clearly. Just as he described, a figure in the center morphs, a vague shape of wings bursting out before other silhouettes in the scene pounce upon it, tearing it to shreds. You follow the lines with your fingers, brushing lightly across his shoulder until the shapes lead you to his back, where they disappear.

Gently, he tips your gaze back to his face. "Careful, my love. They'll draw you in if you don't look away," he whispers.

Blushing a little at having gotten so distracted by the shadowy shapes, you quickly close the distance between you, and he pulls you into another long kiss.

It's not long before he undoes your shirt as well, and leads you back towards the bed, sitting you both down at the edge. A tingle runs down your spine at the feeling of his skin against yours, occasional colder spots leaving chilly caresses upon your body as the shadowy shapes travel across his.

You lean down to tuck a few light kisses upon his neck, and the tendrils of another tattoo-like shadow flit down to meet your lips. It tickles a bit, and you can't help but let out a giggle at the sensation. "What's this?" you murmur, running your fingers over the spot as you take the moment as an opportunity to catch your breath a little.

"A phantombeak avocet - a rare Devildom bird - building a nest," he answers, running his fingers through your hair. "They're quite famous for their long...beaks." His breath catches slightly on the last word as you mischievously dive back in to plant another kiss upon the spot on his neck.

Amused at having elicited such a reaction from the normally never surprisable butler, you decide to continue asking him about the shapes as you travel down his body.

"What about this one?" you ask, brushing your lips teasingly over his collarbone, where one set of thin, twisting black lines disappears into another.

"A snake, slithering into a cave to find its next meal," he hums in response.

You slide your fingers further down, tracing the sharp edges of another group of lines just above his abdomen. "And this one?" you ask. The lines of this set are dark, though thin, and look like a set of triangles.

He frowns slightly. "That one is a bit of a grisly scene, in a timeline much closer to this one. Another couple staying in this same room, but one of them has just discovered the other's...indiscretions. What you see there is his hand, wrapped around a knife. His lover won't survive the night, I'm afraid."

"Oh!" Your face pales, and you quickly pull your hand back, but he chuckles at your reaction.

"Not to worry, they're far from us even if the timeline is close. But," he says, rolling you over down onto the bed, the breath of his next whispered words tickling against your ear, "let us set the shadows aside for now, hmm, my love? You've been running your lips and fingers all over me the whole night. I do believe it's my turn."

[gar-trek]

please share what you have to say about food cubes!!

I was feeling a little apprehensive about releasing the TOS Food Document™ because it is so damn long…. But since you asked anon

DISCLAIMER:

This is focused solely on food as it appears in the original series. Whatever explanation of food synthesizer/replicator that may come in later series does to apply here. I am also not a Star Trek expert. I’m sure there is some super fan out there who knows everything there is to know about food in TOS, but that person is not me. This is just my thoughts as I’ve observed instances where food is shown or mentioned in TOS. If my thought process is flawed, or I make some claims that don’t really make sense, I am sorry. The food canon is very complicated and vague, so this is me just trying my best to make sense of it. I’d also like to mention I did not explicitly cover the meal scene in What Are Little Girls Made Of? Or the ice cream scene from And The Children Shall Lead, but I do make reference to them. I’m sure there are other food scenes I didn’t get to cover here, so if I’m missing a few pieces, I’m sorry.

Anyway… let’s get into it!

The original series, food, and other things that keep me up at night

I don’t care about continuity or plot holes in Star Trek: The Original Series, and if I did, I think the show would become rather unwatchable. It’s not about what happens to get us from plot point A to B, but more important that we do get there (ie, who cares how or why Spock’s brain has been removed from his body, it’s more important that we do get it back inside).

This being said, there is one aspect to TOS that baffles me to no end, and its something I just cannot overlook: the food. Food, the entire concept of it as it appears in TOS haunts me. Each time they show or mention food it makes less and less sense. It’s a never-ending nightmare and I spend every day trying to understand what goes on in the Enterprise Cafeteria. Today I would like to explore a couple food instances on TOS, and hopefully make a little sense of what is happening.

The first chilling incident: The Man Trap (S1E2) - Rand is a thief

In this episode, we see Yeoman Rand on her way to deliver Sulu his meal. She is carrying a tray of colored food cubes (which is what I will be referring to them as here, because there is no official name) and what we can assume to be some kind of alien variant of celery (earth celery with some red crap stuck on top). While waiting for the turbo lift, Rand eats one of the celery sticks intended for Sulu. My question is why. Like literally why does this happen. Sulu never mentions it (maybe he doesn’t notice). She never mentions it to him, which means we can assume she doesn’t want him to know. So why is Rand stealing food? Does she not get enough to eat? Is the limits for how much you get to eat on the Enterprise that strict you need to turn to thievery to get a proper meal? and if that the case, she’s shorting Sulu on his allotted food. In this same scene, we see Ensign Green (who is really a salt-sucking monster) make a grab for the tray as if he too is going to steal Sulu’d food. However, Rand slaps his hand away and asks “who do you think you are?”, a hypocritical statement considering Rand is also in the act of stealing food. So Rand, I must pose the same question to you. This scene has no resolution, so any interpretation is up to the viewer. Whether you think Rand's actions make her a girlboss or a thief, is up to you, however, one thing is undeniably true: Rand eats food off other people's plates.

Other food-related things of note in this episode is that Sulu sprinkles salt on the celery sticks. This means they are either bland or that's just his personal taste. Also, when Rand gives him his tray, he says “may the great bird of the galaxy bless your planet” and this has nothing really to do with food, I just thought it was kind of badass.

(Sulu’s food tray with 3 celery instead of 4 because Rand ate one)  

Incident two: Charlie X (S1E3) - synthetic meatloaf

In Charlie X, we see Captain Kirk make this comment in passing:

“Today on earth it is Thanksgiving, if the crew has to eat synthetic meatloaf I want it to look like turkey.”

This statement leaves us with a couple undeniable truths:

1. Meatloaf is a meal option on the Enterprise.

2. It is synthetic, meaning the meatloaf may not contain any meat at all.

3. It is not shaped like turkey, but it is possible to do so.

if the meatloaf served on the Enterprise is synthetic, then it very well could be made out of the same stuff the colored food cubes are made out of. Also, (and this is pure speculation so take it with a grain of salt) since we never hear anyone refer to the colored food cubes by name, they could literally be the “synthetic meatloaf” that Kirk is referring to here. In this case, the term synthetic meatloaf would not mean a synthetic version of the popular American dish meatloaf but instead loafs of synthetic meat. Since we do not know exactly what synthetic meat looks like, it very well could be brightly colored cubes.

In either case, Kirk is asking them to turn synthetic food from one shape to another. We understand this is possible through the food synthesizer, however, if all the food they eat on the Enterprise is synthetic anyway, then why did Kirk specifically mention synthetic meatloaf in the shape of turkey? would the turkey not instead be made out of synthetic turkey? why must the synthetic turkey be made specifically out of meatloaf? isn’t every single food that comes out of the food synthesizer made out of the same thing? It would have made more sense for Kirk to say “it's thanksgiving so can you made the food synthesizers produce turnkey?”. However, Kirk is like, a really cool guy, so it is possible that the meatloaf comment is just a fun joke. Either way, we know that synthetic meatloaf is a standard menu item on the enterprise, yet we have never seen anyone consume it.

Incident 3: The Corbomite Maneuver (S1E11) - Green leaves

In this episode, Kirk goes in for a physical, and Doctor McCoy reports that the captain is 2 pounds overweight. In response to this, the Doctor changes the captain's dietary card to help him lose a little wight (🙄). We later see the captain served a “dietary salad” in place of his usual meals. The existence of dietary salad is interesting for many reasons. Most importantly, we understand that dietary salad is somehow better for you than what is usually served on the Enterprise. It most likely has a lower caloric intake than say, colored food cubes. However, as discussed before, most if not all the food on the Enterprise is synthetic. If the food is created, and not naturally made, then one can assume its caloric value can be controlled. Would it not be possible to make a lower-calorie version of colored food cubes? one would assume that the cubes are made to have the perfect amount of nutrients to satisfy yet keep humans a healthy weight if they are in fact a form of synthetic man-made food. How would the captain overeat, if portions are pre-determined by dietary cards? Is Kirk somehow going rouge and consuming food that is not created by the food synthesizer (the captain's secret cookie stockpile??).

The existence of this salad also begs another question: is it synthetic as well, or are they growing fresh salad on the Enterprise? We do know that they are able to grow things on the ship, however, there has never been any discussion of growing crops specifically for consumption. If this is the case though, it may explain why we often see crew members eating celery sticks. Perhaps things like celery sticks and dietary salads are grown on the Enterprise, but all other food is synthetically created. In which case, who’s job is it to harvest food and prepare it for meals? Did Rand have to put that dietary salad together all on her own?

One more interesting point about the Salad: When Kirk first receives it, he asks

“what in the devil is this? Green leaves?”

which prompts Rand to explain that it’s a salad. It is very possible that Kirk genuinely has no idea what a salad is. He may have never had one, nor heard of the food in his entire life. Later we see him eat the salad with his hands, which further proves the point that captain kirk doesn't know what salad is. Why captain Kirk would somehow have no knowledge of salad is up to speculation.

Incident 4: The conscience of the king (S1E14) - Cry over spilled milk 

In this episode, Lieutenant Riley is served colored food cubes and a glass of what appears to be milk. There isn’t much of significance here, other than the fact we know it is possible to get a glass of milk with your meal on the Enterprise. Unlike Sulu, Riley doesn’t have any celery sticks but seems to have a larger serving of colored food cubes as compensation. We also learn that milk is served in a large glass, something that seems very impractical on a starship.

Riley proves my point moments later when he spills milk on a control panel and shatters the glass. This begs the question, who is going to clean that up?

Incident 5: Tomorrow is Yesterday (S1E20) - Chicken noodle soup

In this episode, the Enterprise accidentally beams a 60′s army man abroad their ship (for the second time). This random chad ensign asks the man if he’s hungry because he’s a troll I guess and he wanted to flex their cool future food machine. The army captain guy is like sure, I could go for some chicken soup right now (a very natural response to being beamed onto a spaceship for the first time). Chad ensign has like three cards in front of him, and I guess one of them just happens to be chicken soup because he puts it in the machine and the soup appears. Grant it, we never actually get to see the soup with out own eyes, but the army captain does seem to be pretty convinced that it is chicken soup just by the smell. This opens up a couple possibilities:

-The food synthesizer can make almost anything you want, and the card is maybe like a very broad category, like a dinner card, and when you put it in you can pick any dinner food you’d like.

or

-The food synthesizer can only make what is specific to each card, and the ensign just got extremely lucky and happened to have a card that was the exact food the army captain wanted.

More evidence, which we will go over later, points more towards the theory that one card is equal to one specific type of food. In this case, it is unclear how the synthesizer food cards are distributed, or how you get your pick of what food you would like. It is also more likely that options would be limited. This does make sense, however, it makes this scene very confusing, as, as I’ve pointed out, the ensign had a very limited number of cards, but exactly what the captain had asked for. Pure luck? what mind game was that Chad ensign trying to play with the poor man who was abducted from earth... we will never know.

One more very interesting thing is established here: The transporter room has a food synthesizer. Why this is is purely up to speculation. In my mind, having a food synthesizer in the transporter room would be like having a full kitchen where you park your car. Seems pretty useless, but maybe the guys in the transporter room requested easy access to snacks? Why the transporter room would get this special privilege is again, up to speculation.

Incident 6: Space Seed (S1E23) - Dinner with Khan

In Space Seed a special dinner is put together to welcome Khan onto the Enterprise. We see that they are being served colored food cubes and celery sticks. Doctor McCoy walks into the dining room and comments about how the display is “very impressive”. However, this seems like a very unusual comment considering we are shown the only food we have ever seen consumed on the Enterprise. What exactly makes this food “impressive” as compared to other celery sticks and colored food cubes? Is there some way to tell this particular food is better that we don’t know about, but is obvious to everyone on the Enterprise?

There is also a chance that Doctor McCoy is just very easily impressed with food, and upon seeing any food spread he is likely to comment in wonder. Note the way Scotty is looking at McCoy. His face is a mixture of confusion, judgment, and pity. Perhaps Scotty is thinking to himself “bruh, it’s literally just colored food cubes chill out man,”. There is no explanation as to why Scotty is giving McCoy such a look, so this very well could be the case. Even though it is a silly explanation, I don’t think it should be ruled out that one of McCoy’s personality traits is being overly excited about food of any kind.  

Incident 7: Journey to Babel (S2E10) Party food

Much like in Space Seed, in this episode, we get to see a meal put together for a special occasion. All the diplomates are getting down at a mixer where a spread of food has been provided. These snacks seem very similar to colored food cubes, however I do think they differ. They may be the same type of food, but different in some way. In which case colored food cubes is an overarching category of food, and here we see two different types. The smaller more brightly colored cubes can be put in drinks, though if this is what you are supposed to do with them, or just the preference of that one alien species I do not know. Though I must point out, we have seen colored food cubes served in brown sauce in What are Little Girls Made Of? (S1E8) so it is not completely unheard of to have your colored food cubes served soggy.

The other type of colored food cubes we see are a lot larger and more pair shaped (in reality, they probably were just skinned pairs dipped in food coloring, but for this essay, it’s important that we completely ignore the fact there is another life outside of Star Trek). Now to me, these are very interesting, because the dull color and apparent texture are a lit more similar to standard colored food cubes we have seen thus far. I would even go o far to say that this is the same exact food, just sans the cubed shape. So really, standard colored food cubes are just the cubed version of whatever this food is. This, again, is just speculation, but it does point us to the fact that colored food cubes are not naturally cubed (I’m going somewhere with this is promise)

Incident 8: The Trouble With Tribbles (S2E15) The trouble with Chicken sandwichs

Here we see Kirk attempting to order a chicken sandwich and coffee. What he gets instead is a plate full of tribbles,  hilarity ensues. I think this scene is interesting because we can add to our list of food items that are on the menu at the enterprise cafeteria: chicken sandwich. However, this is another food item we do not see. There is no way of knowing if the Enterprise's version of a chicken sandwich is what we would imagine a chicken sandwich to be. Much like the meatloaf and the soup, because we do not see it, there is no way of knowing if the food exists in the way that we as 21st-century people understand it. The events of TOS take place more than 200 years in our future, so to speculate that food could change a lot during that time isn’t a stretch. I don’t know, just some food for thought (lol)

Incident 9: By Any Other Name (S2E22) Living deliciously

In this episode, an alien taking the form of a human enjoys some colored food cubes. He makes a comment about how they are good they are while enthusiastically eating his food. This is a very important moment because it tells us that colored food cubes do taste good. In fact, they taste really good. Just before he eats, the alien comments on how humans could just take pills that give them all their nutrient needs and give up food completely (think the Jetsons cartoon). On the Enterprise, they do not eat just to live, but because they enjoy their food as well. This tells us that colored food cubes are at the very least, worth eating, and at the best, very delicious.

One more interesting thing: Spock is eating some kind of soup while everyone else enjoys colored food cubes. This could be a Vulcan preference, however, we know that Spock is vegetarian. This could be alluding to the fact that Colored Food Cubes are made out of meat.

Conclusion:

Yes, I asked a lot more questions than I answered. There are some things that make absolutely no sense to me, primarily, the food synthesizer and diet cards. Some evidence points to the fact that the food synthesizer can make practically anything (see Tomorrow is Yesterday, And the Children Shall Lead). However, one dietary card is equal to one specific food, which would mean they would have to produce a lot of these dietary cards if there is many meal options. How these cards are distributed, and what their limitations are, we do not know. And although we do not know the limits of what the food synthesizer can create, we do know these food have been served on the enterprise at least at one point:

-colored food cubes (variety)

-celery

-synthetic meatloaf

-synthetic turkey (Thanksgiving Special)

-Dietary Salad

-Milk

-Chicken Soup

-Chicken Sandwich

-Mystery Soup

-Ice cream (variety of flavors)

All of this food (except for maybe the dietary salad and celery) are synoptically created, so what they are actually made up of, I cannot say.

And finally, I would like to make a point about the colored food cubes. I think upon first inspection one would assume colored food cubes is a dish created specifically for space travel (think the food created for modern-day astronauts to consume in space). However, we learned that there is possibly a variety of colored food cube dishes. Since there is such a wide variety of food on the Enterprise, why would they also need to create a food specifically for space travel? I think that colored food cubes are actually a common dish, not intended specifically for space travel. Perhaps it was an alien food that got popular on earth, maybe it was a dish developed later in Earth's history by humans. I can only speculate, but I do think it is more than just boring space food. Everyone seems to have a preference for it, so I think it’s a dish you can eat over and over again and not get sick of. What colored food cubes taste like is completely up to speculation, but I would assume they are a savory food, considering we often see people enjoying them for their main meal.

I still have more to say, but for the sake of everyone, I’ll end it there. This was a lot of thought dumping, so if some of the things I said made no sense at all, I’m sorry. I’d love to hear some of your thoughts on TOS food! please share with me what you think colored food cubes would taste like :)

[cut-content-contest]

Moonjumper

The jist of his character is that he is the corpse of a prince, and his two rivals are the princes ghost and the princes ex. The 3 fuckers want to rule over the same area so competition. Also moonjumper I think only appears on the horizon, meaning he is the only 2d character in a 3d game which is pretty dope.

They were a cut character that was originally supposed to be pretty important, but all we got was gamefiles of vague information, a flat character model, a bit of dialogue, and some music. That hasn't stopped many different and wildly unique headcanons, designs, and stories from taking shape from the original scraps of this one axed character.

The third area/chapter in the game had a much different story in its concept stage, and even though the level was designed enough to be playable for a demo, the devs decided to simplify the story for that area from three central characters to one and a half. Originally, he was a prince that met with a terrible fate at the hands of his obsessively jealous princess, and he somehow got trapped on the horizon without any memories of his original life, instead going mad. He was going to offer information about the area to help to the protagonist, though he really wants to manipulate and control her and everyone else into being unable to leave the area. Mj's backstory was ultimately given to the new central character, Snatcher (who also existed but got a bit of a personality shift with his new spotlight), his musical theme (and somewhat his design) repurposed for the game's item dealer, and MJ himself was removed from the game. Bits of the original story are still scattered around (a spectral body outline on the wall, a face painted in the attic of an icy manor, the scrapped explorable area that still exists out of bounds in the final version of the game, a broken tower), but the character only exists in mods, fanworks, and the concept artist for the original level fleshing out his ideas in art. He has a lot of speculation about his full backstory, abilities, and role, but there's very little sources to have anything beyond theories.

okay. so. let me give you the basis of a hat in time's third (or second during the time moonjumper still existed) chapter. evil ghost guy steals the protag's soul and makes her do shit for him and along the way you can get Lore on why he's a ghost and turns out Another ghost-like entity that you encounter in the chapter killed him while they were both Alive. its more detailed than that but that is Not the point. ok. ghost guy who steals your soul. his name is snatcher. ghost guy who Killed snatcher. her name is vanessa. Where does moonjumper come in you may be asking. well. ORIGINALLY moonjumper was in snatcher's place. but! snatcher also existed in the game at the same time as moonjumper- just with a different backstory. eventually, moonjumper was scrapped, and snatcher filled that role. there are So many things involving moonjumper that got just outright removed because of this. However. there are also things that Didnt get removed that are still in the game that can be traced back to moonjumper, mostly through his design being different from snatchers- moonjumper's design is much, much more closer to the design of moonjumper/snatcher while he was still alive opposed to snatcher, who is just a purple ghost noodle. but even then, their human design and moonjumper's design still have quite a few differences. many people in the fandom/fan community of a hat in time like to try and incorporate moonjumper back into the story, and everyone's different takes are always fun to see :)

He was originally to be the remains of the prince, and was to haunt (and I believe attempt to take over) Subcon Forest. I’m pretty sure he was scrapped because a) there would have been too much going on in that one region and b) Snatcher was the spirit of the prince and in charge of the forest, so maybe they decided it was a little weird to have two characters come from the same dead guy. Also he would 100% have been a tumblr sexyman

Moonjumper is a cut character from A Hat In Time. Originally, they were going to live in Subcon Forest, and have puppetmaster motifs. He was also going to be the prince killed by Vanessa. The motifs and being killed by Vanessa were instead given to Snatcher, my little scrunkle doo.

Apparently originally there were supposed to be three characters for the Subcon Forest level, Moonjumper was supposed to be the Prince in the original story, but was later replaced with the Snatcher, who wasn't the Prince in original story. He still had NPC files on the full release of the game, but it wasn't a model, rather just 2D image with particle effects

He was a scrapped antagonist for the level of Subcon forest! Moon Jumper was scrapped due to the Snatcher being the main character for subcon forest, and not having room for subplots. Early developer commentary states that the Moon Jumper was stuck in the horizon and that his role throughout the level of Subcon forest was to get Hat Kid to join him in the horizon.

wiki link: https://ahatintime.fandom.com/wiki/Moon_Jumper what we know and some theories: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mor-oR5ti9E showing off the NPC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krHXy8afF74

Timmy

when a hat in time was in development, it had a kickstarter with stretch goals. one of these stretch goals was co-op multiplayer. we did get co-op eventually- but the character used alongside the protag wasnt always the same. the protag and main character of a hat in time is hat kid! in co-op, the second player plays as bow kid. but, originally, the second player character was going to be a boy named timmy. not much is known about him as im pretty sure he never really had much put into him before he was cut. what we do know is he is a bit older than hat kid (maybe he had an older brother dynamic with her?), and had physic powers. whether or not he would be able to Use those powers in gameplay is unknown. he's been modded back into the game by multiple people all with different interpretations of him.

[mimzy-writing-online]

Writing Toph Beifong, Advice from a Blind Writer

I’m Mimzy, an actual visually impaired writer and blogger who talks a lot about writing blind characters accurately and sensitively. A while back someone sent me an anon asking how to write Toph more accurately and sensitively.

Anonymous asked: Hi there! Your blog has been super-helpful already - I thought I knew a bit about writing with blind characters, but it turns out there was a lot to learn - but this is more specific. I'm writing a The Last Airbender fanfiction, and one of the characters is Toph. I think the fandom has done a fairly good job of respecting her blindness, but what are some things you'd like to see when people write her? I want to represent the character as best as possible; thanks in advance!

It’s taken a while for me to answer because I have a lot of thoughts about it as both a blind writer and someone who has read a lot of atla fanfiction. So here we go:

Before we get started, I want to mention some things: 

One: I have an entire series for writing blind characters that continues to grow with time and the most up-to-date version can be found pinned as the top post on my blog. There will be a time-stamp for when the post was last edited and a long series of links to all relevant posts on the subject.

Here’s a quick link to that post, but again, all you have to do is click my blog url and you’ll find it immediately.

Two: I’ve noticed something amazing about the atla fandom and I would like to thank you for it. I’ve noticed a lot of bloggers have taken to writing image descriptions for both the fanart and memes you post in the fandom, whether it’s OP including the description or another blogger adding it themselves. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a fandom so consistently doing this and that’s incredible. Realizing how many different blogs were picking up this habit has warmed my heart.

I’d like to see writers use her other senses. There’s soooo so much more to her O&M (Orientation and Mobility) than earth sense. 

Beyond sight and earth bending, there’s hearing, touch, smell, taste, sense of direction, hot vs cold, sense of pain, sense of where your body parts are in relation to the rest of you, sense of internal well-being, etc. Before Toph had mastery of her earth bending, she had to have mastery of those too.

Toph also must have very strong opinions about certain smells, sounds, tastes, and textures. Toph is opinionated about everything, and when so much of your understanding of the world depends on senses that most people are ignoring in favor of some other sense you don’t have, it gets frustrating. I’m sure that tree looks pretty but the smell is terrible. Who cares if this fabric looks pretty, it’s scratchy, do. not. like. at. all.

But also in positive ways too. Oh, that flower arrangement looks bland and monochromatic? Who cares, it smells sweet and honey-like. Weird dark cavern with high ceiling and no light? The harmonics are awesome.

Every character probably has a certain sight or image they’re particularly fond of: Katara watching snow fall, or Aang enjoying how small the world looks from up on Appa, or Zuko enjoying the sunrise every morning during meditation. In that line, Toph must have some things personal to her that she enjoys.

I imagine she likes the taste of foods familiar to her childhood, the smell of whatever flowers grew around her home, and the texture of certain kinds of dirt Example: loose dirt probably isn’t the best for seeing, but I think she would enjoy how it feels to run her fingers through it or maybe enjoy the way it softens her perception of the world the same way sighted people like to see colorful, bright lights reflecting off puddles in the middle of rain.

If you struggle with this, that’s okay. I recommend taking some time to think about it for yourself, to find what tastes and smells and textures and sounds you enjoy the most, what makes you feel safe and at home, what brings you comfort, and relate that back to Toph.

In a Modern AU, I want to see Toph have a cane. Even in a Modern AU with bending included in the world building, I think Toph would benefit from having a cane.

The cane has a lot more function than bumping into things. A big part is that it signals to others that you are very obviously blind. Which is a big deal because sighted people are really, really bad at spotting the blind person.

(psst, please stop saying ‘the blank look in her eyes’ because I swear to god it’s been killing me inside for years.)

Also, even in an AU with bending, I think Toph would like the advantage of tapping her cane to create a stronger, more distinct vibration than a small shifting of her weight on her feet. It would have more control.

You could give Toph a guide animal, buuuuuuut, um, Toph is not a guide dog person. Like, there are some people who definitely prefer a guide dog, and some people who definitely prefer a cane, and some who definitely prefer no mobility device at all. Toph does not have the vibes of someone who wants to be both responsible and reliant on an animal when she’s so insistent that she can take care of herself on her own. Toph likes animals, but not that much.

Although, yeah, only 10% of the blind community use mobility devices, so cane and guide dog users are the minority of the blind community, but I stand by the vibe that Toph would love the independence of a cane. Also, it’s almost never ever done. Modern AUs never seem to touch much on Toph’s O&M skills with canes or guide dogs.

I wrote a whole post on everything you need to know about canes, what orientation and mobility is, how you learn O&M, what kind of canes exist, how to use them, how to describe the sensory input a cane gives you, and everything I know about guide dogs from past research.

Honestly, you could give Toph (or any blind character) a cane in any AU, because I fully stand by the theory that canes are a piece of technology that has been invented, lost, and reinvented again and again.

I wrote “I found a piece of lost blindness history” a few months ago after a visit to see my grandparents. My grandmother told me how her blind aunt found a way to write letters by hand to send to my grandmother when she was a child. I speculated on how the long cane has probably been invented and then lost and then reinvented over and over again in history, as well as giving a little history on the growing popularity of guide dogs in the 20th century following World War 1.

About the “blank look in her eyes,” I have a theory to the exact cause and nature of Toph’s blindness.

I know it’s common to think that the milky green color of her eyes is why she’s blind, though I’m not sure how many realize that milky green color is caused by severe cataracts. At least, cataracts is what I assume to be the reason for the color of her eyes. However, people with cataracts still have some remaining sense of light and shadow perception.

Only 9% of the blind community is completely blind, seeing absolutely nothing. The rest have some remaining vision, even if that’s only light and shadow perception or the perception of vague movement.

The percentage of people born completely blind is even smaller.

Toph says that she’s never been able to see, which would lead me to guess that the initial cause of her blindness was a defect with the visual processing part of her brain. I also theorize that the cataracts developed slowly over her very formative years and that she likely wasn’t born with them. For that reason, I think it would have taken a few weeks or months for her parents to realize there was something wrong with her eyes.

Here is a post about the developmental years of blind children and how their life would differ from both sighted children and from someone who went blind as an adult.

What is it like to see nothing?

It’s a concept that sighted people struggle with and I completely understand. I myself didn’t understand the concept of “nothing” until someone explained it as this:

“Imagine trying to see out the back of your head.”

Which, genuinely, imagine that. Try that. Because here’s what I found. There’s no part of my body that can help perceive that. I don’t have eyes there, nor do I have a part of my brain that can process that. Because of this, there is no sense of light or dark, no shape or shadow or movement or depth that I can perceive. There is nothing.

And honestly, it gives me a headache trying to think too much about it.

Toph doesn’t see black, doesn’t have a mental image of it. When people talk about light and dark, Toph has nothing to base the concept on. The closest relation she has to that is silence versus sound, or her earth sense when she’s in the air on Appa versus when she’s on solid ground. But it’s not the same.

I would like to examine the way the show tried to describe Toph’s earth sense, that black void with ripples of white stretching from her feet and outwards. Television is a visual medium so of course their explanation of Toph’s earth sense would be visual, but that’s not what it’s actually like in her head. More accurately, it’s like touching the back of your head to something and feeling what’s solid behind it and what has more give. A wall versus a pillow for example. Slamming your hand on a flimsy table and feeling it rattle under your palm. And for someone so adept at using that sense, she feels not just the table surface under her palm, but the individual rattles down the four legs, how uneven those rattles are because the legs are carved decoratively instead of solid planks, and how the foot of each leg bumps against the ground, and how the floor vibrates in response to the impact, which she feels in both her feet and hand. 

About Toph’s Relationship with Her Parents

It’s not something I see touched on much. There’s been a lot of focus on Zuko and Azula’s relationship with their parents and the abuse, as well as exploration of Sokka and Katara’s trauma with losing their mother, and Sokka looking up to his warrior father while Katara struggles with her abandonment issues.

Please don’t take this as a critique, because there are a few valid reasons for this and I would like to give you some insight on how to explore Toph’s relationship with her parents.

For starters, the show had a lot more reason to focus on Zuko and Azula’s parents, with Fire Lord Ozai being the primary villain and Zuko’s greatest abuser, and Azula’s dependent worship of her father in response to Ursa’s neglect and favoritism of Zuko, which was likely Ursa’s response to Ozai’s favoritism of Azula. Their parents are huge driving motivators for why Zuko and Azula make the decisions and mistakes they do, why they are at one point in the show the villains themselves. (And why I think Azula should get a redemption arc and some healing.)

Katara’s trauma of losing her mother and blaming herself is a huge factor in both her response to the war, her relationship with her bending, and her motherly nature with her friends. The show has to explore that. Just as it has to explore Sokka’s problems with toxic masculinity in response to being the man of his village, and his desire to be a great warrior and leader like the father he idolizes. 

The show needs to explore that to make the plot move forward, and it benefits from these being two sibling sets with different responses to their upbringing and different sibling dynamics, setting them up as foils for each other.

The show also wouldn’t benefit by giving Lao and Poppy Beifong more screen time. Their established character were two nobles who kept as far out of the war as possible and prospered monetarily for it. Poppy was polite and demure and Lao liked to lead the conversation. Unless the gAang decided to return to Toph’s home, those characters had no reason to pop up anywhere in the show. And if they did, they would be a hinder to Toph and her part in the plot as both Aang’s earth bending teacher and as the greatest earth bender in the world, tossing Fire Nation soldiers eight ways to Sunday. 

So truly, I understand that there’s not a whole lot of canon material (comparatively) to go off of when developing this, but I will offer some insight on what is there in canon.

Toph’s relationship with her parents is explored in that it maps out why Toph doesn’t want to be mothered by Katara, why she wants to prove how independent she is, but there’s very little on screen interaction between Toph and her parents.

Toph deeply loves her parents. I think that plays into why she doesn’t want Katara mothering her, because she has a wonderful mother at home who she loves and wants to better understand her, but she had no friends growing up and no older sister, which are the roles she needs and wants Katara to fill. If Toph wanted a mother figure, she would have latched onto Katara. Look at how Zuko never sought out another mother figure but did find a father figure in Iroh as he began to heal from his childhood trauma and separate his self image from his father’s acceptance.

Toph is in a complicated situation, she loves her parents but the way they’re raising her is hurting her in the long run. But Toph can see that their actions are because of their immense love for her. She can see how they would do anything for her. While she never had any examples of how other noble children were treated by their parents, who might have been distant or disinterested or always away for their social and work lives, she was remarkably loved by her parents. Her father put careful thought into her tutors and checked in on her progress. Her mother feared for Toph’s emotional state when she was kidnapped (even if she was incorrect about how Toph would respond), showing genuine empathy for her daughter.

I think their over protective nature became the love language Toph best understood them by, and part of her reasoning for not revealing how capable she was, was because she wanted to keep experiencing that love and care for as long as she could. But it’s not a love language she would put up with from anyone else.

I would like to point out Toph’s genuine excitement to see her mom again in the season finale of Book Two, how badly Toph wants her mom to understand and accept her for who she is.

My thoughts on what Toph can’t do: read, swim, see in the sand, fight things mid-air.

For how incredibly powerful the show makes Toph with her earth bending and the O&M she taught herself through it, they do touch on some of her weaknesses when they come up and find a useful way to showcase them.

The Serpent’s Pass was an excellent example of Toph’s vulnerability in water. From her fear of not being able to see on Katara’s ice bridge to not being able to swim and needing Suki to save her, Toph’s weaknesses putting her in danger added to the excitement and “sitting on the edge of your seat” feeling while watching the episode without turning her into someone who was helpless. She was just in a position where her normal defenses were useless.

Just like the earth benders in the metal prison in the ocean, or Katara having little water in the middle of a desert where her friends needed that water to survive more than she needed it to fight, making her vulnerable later in the show when the insect-wasp things attacked. Just like fire benders being weaker at night, or powerless during a solar eclipse, or a sighted person being lost in the dark. Those were just situations in which the tools you were accustomed to relying on could no longer help you or were taken away.

The show was clever in that it didn’t make her inability to read a direct threat to her safety, but rather as a clever plot device for her to be alone when the sand banders attacked and have to choose between fighting them to save Appa, or holding back an entire fricking building by the tiniest spire on its very top from falling into a void leading to the spirit world. It also showed her weakness to not being able to see or fight as well in sand. Which the show later made an effort to show how she’d improved on that problem in Book Three when she was surrounded by nothing but sand at Ember Island.

Like improving her ability to see in the sand, I would like to see a character teach Toph to swim, or at least float, so that she never feels helpless again. If she took the initiative to improve her sand bending so much, I’m sure she would have learn to swim eventually.

And on the note of reading, I’ve seen some speculation on how Toph could learn to read, whether it’s through using ink that has some percentage of earth mixed in, or developing the sensitivity to feel out the different weight, consistency, and texture of ink on paper. 

I would like to bring your attention to Louis Braille, the blind Frenchman who invented Braille while studying at  the Institut National des Jeunes Aveugles, the world’s very first school for the blind in Paris France (established 1785). Previously Louis was learning to read through a method in which each letter was pressed into the paper to leave an imprint that someone could feel out with just their fingers.

Louis Braille concluded that raised lettering was impractical because-

1.       It is difficult to read, the letters had to be printed in huge font to be fully felt out and printed on thick paper.

2.       Thick paper means higher quality, more expensive. Larger font means more paper is needed for a single text.

3.       This made it inaccessible due to expense and the sheer volume of a text.

4.       If today’s Braille books are hard to access and giant compared to traditional books, I can’t imagine how inaccessible those raised letter books really were.

The subject of Braille, the start and controversial near downfall to  Institut National des Jeunes Aveugles were discussed in a post about writing a blind character during the Victorian Era.

I’ve heard others complain in the past about fantasy universes in which a sighted person invents a solution to allow the blind to read, when the most effective and longest lived method was invented by a blindman over two hundred years ago and is the standard taught in schools today.

And while I couldn’t easily explain it or how it works because I can neither read Braille nor speak Chinese, I can tell you that Chinese Braille exists and works only slightly differently from the Braille western languages use. So, again, modern AUs especially would benefit from enabling Toph to read Braille and use a computer and phone with screen reader.

But just as easily you could choose not to have her learn to read but rather have sighted people read things aloud to her. Whether it’s in a professional setting as an adult having an assistant who reads and writes for her, or as a cute, fluffy little moment between Toph and another character. Both are just as genuine to the blindness experience.

Blind Jokes

If you ever get around to reading my post about blind jokes, I’d like you to remember that it’s primarily written for people writing original characters and that Toph canonically makes blind jokes, so to take away from that would not be true to her character.

Does Toph’s Earth Sense Negate her Blindness?

It’s a question I’ve seen raised before and discussed by both abled, disabled, and blind people. There are multiple perspectives on it, but my own take on it is that Toph’s earth bending does not negate her blindness, but rather functions very much like the process of learning to use a cane.

She had a tool, a teacher, and she learned to use that tool. Instead of a cane, it was seismic perception and her teacher were blind badger-moles. She spent years learning to earth bend as they do and then continued to take it to new heights as she explored fighting with it on her terms against sighted fighters.

Come to think about it, I would love to see Toph teach another visually impaired or blind earth bender who to see and bend as she does.

Is Toph Good Blindness Representation?

This question was posed to me in the comments of my master post, and my answer was something like this: “Toph is good representation, but she can't be the only type of representation we get. She's the best we had 15 years ago, but there are a million ways to nuance the blindness experiences. Toph's experience being born blind, having very over protective parents, being a small girl in a patriarical and wealth influenced society, having no friends growing up. Those are all great aspects of blindness to show, but there is so much more to explore. As for her blindness and whether or not that's negated, that's also nuanced. She has limits, she's not all-powerful, but she is the best earth bender hands down. More or less, I love Toph, she's a great character, give me like a million more blind characters who are completely different from her.”

I want to see accurate and well-written blind characters become much more common in modern media, and that’s why I started this blog. So if you decide you want to write your own blind character from scratch, feel free to come back and look at some of my other stuff.

End Notes:

I want to thank the anon who sent the original question because it never occurred to me how much the atla fandom would benefit from a post like this. 

You should follow my blog. Along with advice about writing blind characters, I write general writing advice and answer questions about writing, college, plot development, character analysis, and living with blindness. I curate writing advice from fellow writeblrs, write my own image descriptions for writing memes, post about mental health and working/living with ADHD, disabilities outside of blindness, and LGBTQA+ topics.