#we complain about people thinking we just see our dogs as tools

[skullprincess]

Animal rights activists will have you thinking that if an animal goes into a shelter then it’s basically done for, and that, my friends, is a very effective propaganda tool.

You’ll find people talking about how all these animals are killed every year because there’s no room, and while that may have happened in the past, these days the numbers are much better and most animals will see their way to a loving home.

But what happens when there’s too many animals? They go to foster homes. They get transferred to credible nearby rescues and sanctuaries. They get adopted on waived fee adoption days.

The animals that get euthanized are either sick to the point where the resources to save them can’t be outweighed by how badly the sickness is affecting them, or have behavioral issues that haven’t been able to be changed through multiple homes and outlets. Feral cats can be trapped, neutered, and released; you can’t do the same with a stray dog that has a history of attacking people.

90% animal save rates are considered no-kill. That’s the way large city shelters work, at least from what I can tell from two large west coast cities.

I saw people complaining under an animal welfare propaganda video that they’re being turned away from adopting. Have you tried fostering the animal first? If the animal isn’t good with children and you have children then of course they’ll say no. If you don’t have the space for a working dog that loves to run then how is that fair for that dog? You can’t gift an animal to somebody the same way you can’t adopt and gift a child to someone. Can you commit to this animal or will you surrender it in a year because you no longer want it? These are questions we ask on our end because we want the animals to have loving homes. And if you can’t answer the most basic ones and don’t have the necessary experience to handle, say, a resource guarding dog-reactive canine then why would we just hand the dog over even if you have the money?

We have had several 10+ animal hoarding cases recently. You’re not saving them if you’re keeping them confined in your home with 11 others in a mess you can’t clean up. People abandon their dogs everywhere thinking that’s a good idea and then they end up in a shelter wondering where mom and dad went. People abandon their bunnies and Guinea pigs and their bearded dragons and their what-have-yous.

That’s why we have animal shelters in the first place and that’s why we NEED animal shelters because where would those animals go otherwise? They’d be hit by cars. Freeze to death. Starve to death.

I’m not saying all rescues are good— there have been instances of masked hoarding cases. But if you go to a humane society or a shelter, talk to the people who work there. Try volunteering there as a foster or as just a helper. Seeing the difference people make firsthand can really show you the work that goes into taking care of that many animals and helping them through to good homes. And your donations always help.

[pwblogarchive]

November 2004

November 2, 2004

“Complaining Couldnt Touch This Kid.”

i would feel bad ever telling anyone what to do. i have thought for months what i would say or how i should act- ive thought and thought. i don’t like kerry or bush (i like kerry alot more than bush though). i am going to vote for john kerry. i won’t beg you or tell you to do anything. but if you are of voting age and are in a swing state. please think hard and make the choice that fits you best.

peter

November 3, 2004

your princess is in another castle

happyhalloween

November 3, 2004

5:47 pm

booyah

November 4, 2004

“brothers and sisters.”

the smell of fall. leaves. the weakerthans show- "the sidewalks watching me think about you". both ewok movies back to back. peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. the things they write about me versus how it really goes. the book being in my hands- how we all feel in our skin. sometimes when you're caught you just gotta throw your hands up and confess. the way you smile when you say his name like you never do with me. new songs.

peterpumpkineater

November 7, 2004

“things that mean other things always don't mean a damn thing in the scheme of things”

being home is always a rollercoaster for me. things are good, then ok, then pretty bad, then good, then bad again (not always in that order). im getting by more latley on a pair of really thick glasses and no faith in human beings. as of now i have a pro-tools situation and have been recording things, mostly just making up stuff on the go and seeing how it turns out. so far its fun. ive had a lot of my mind as of latley, just how there's so much good that turns straight to bad and im always like this the night before i leave. certain things are constant struggles for me but i keep fighting them and i dont know why sometimes when i end up feeling wrecked, but i guess my brain is trying to tell me that the few struggles i take on are worth fighting. i dunno anymore. i hope so though, because no one should feel unhappy like i do at a time like this. im not unhappy with my life, just unhappy with an aspect of it. otherwise things are pretty ok. i took my dog ben on a walk today and he was running around a lot. i picked him up a few times though he is getting far too large for that and will so be too heavy. i saw some of my friends today, not everyone that i wanted to or everyone as long as i would like to. but the people i spent my time with were more than worthy of it. the one thing that bugs me about going away for long periods of time is when i get home i feel like everything has changed around me to a degree where i cant keep up. like im a step behind every time i get home. eh, late night thoughts.

November 11, 2004

“drop it like its hot”

The day spent dreading flying. I am scared to fly for some reason. Make it to las vegas. Our flight to l.a. Was cancelled. Drove from vegas to l.a. Began working on the songs. Me and patrick are sharing an apartment here, so are joe and andy. Its like old times. The weather is amazing. There are so many good shows here. Went to over it. Gonna try and see morrissey in a couple of days. Hung out with my friend kate from the fight. She's rad. We went up on muholand drive and saw the entire city. It made me feel like I couldn't breathe. She says the word "vitamins" funny cause she's british. She also say the word "safe" a lot and calls sneakers trainers. Their record comes out next week. I command you to buy it. I miss home but this record is going to be worth it. I promise. Its going to make you think about things in a new way.

Sorry for the boring journal entry. I realize I didn't get the closure I wanted from take this to your grave. This record will have the most brutally honest words I have ever written.

That's all. Lets get hitched and grow old.

Peterpan

November 14, 2004

“I've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your fucking mouth”

We've got about 23 songs right now. Were gonna cut it down and figure them out. Its strange staying in one place for so long. If you're watching tv tommorrow- we snuck some tickets for the american music awards- I'm sure well be like a million rows back but well try to start a fight or spill a drink on someone famous on camera so you can get a laugh. I'm sure they'll never let us stop by again...

Peterpumpkineater

November 15, 2004

“finally an entry that doesnt involve joe's general tso's chicken”

the AMAs were less than interesting as i am sure anyone who watched knows. ana nicole smith was fucking faded as hell. it was like watching a blondehaired trainwreck. walked onto the red carpet by accident but we are so unfamous that we didn't even get in trouble. got to eat good food and people watch at stupid parties. hung out with my buddy chad and some kids. watched kanye west with like thirty other people- kanye west is amazing. im getting pretty sleepy. maybe ill think of something better in the morning.

im

just

out

of

chances

p

November 15, 2004

we only do it for the attention.

I'm just a broken emo record.

Time to retreat to other areas.

You know where to find. Or maybe you don't.

me and patrick are gonna go cry and hold hands.

Wink. Smile.

Peter

November 17, 2004

4:16 pm

“after the party theres the hotel lobby”

yeahyeahyeah. we're becoming so l.a. psyche! anyway. i dont have much to say except the weather is radical here. after our chicago metro show on dec 29- we're gonna have an after party and prescreen the release the bats dvd- maybe youll hear about it and stop by. youll laugh. youll cry.

laterskater

November 24, 2004

“its too bad you only look so goddamned beautiful when you're crying your eyes out”

i am going to do a better update soon. but just to say- the recording is coming along. andy is almost done with drums. his hair is so flowing. like a pony. nyc was amazing as usual. we have some suprises coming up. (if you don't like suprises than you also probably don't like saturdays, palm trees, puppies, ice cream, first kisses, etc). fuse was fun. thanks for coming out and hanging out, i felt pretty dorky and was a glad there were some people there. im sorry i had to leave right from there to my plane, so i am sorry i couldn't stick around and hang out. we'll be there all day on dec. 26th to make up for it. also, it was definitely weird being anywhere with out the rest of the band so don't expect too much of that. we are attatched at the hip.

you can get "the boy with the thorn in his side" at select hottopic's starting this week. if yours doesn't have it, ask them to order it for you.

more later. peter

oh yeah to the girl who gave me the signed morrissey picture and jetted before i could thank, THANK YOU.

November 26, 2004

their eyes are like pills. its funny. the blue ones take to you down. the brown ones pick you up. it doesn't even make a whole lot of sense looking back on it now. there are a couple of sets of eyes that are like bookmarks in life. they are there to mark the chapters. highlights so you pay attention to the changes. dogeared pages. the way she looked at me the first time- all the blood ran out of me. with the biggest eyes. that trusted and believed and dreamed and hoped and lived. so i blinked. i faked like i couldnt tell. i was always so goddamned scared to see my own flaws reflected on them. and i cant count the times i crushed them. and you realize that they will never look up at you the same.

i cant blame you for giving up on me.

join the club.

i have a lifetime membership.

- petey

November 28, 2004

“professor murder”

ok so my new shoes are kind of bad looking. but i like them. both are dunks. one are lowtops and pretty much are bears colors, the others are high tops and are white and blue. i own way more than 5 bad pairs of shoes. i own about 11 that only i enjoy and are not here to impress anyone. they know i love them and i let them know that at least once a day. maybe ill take a group picture of them for you if i get around to it. what i really wanted to say is im sorry i got into xbox so late, but i just wanted everyone to know that just because i started play knights of the old republic 4 days ago doesn't mean i haven't almost beaten it yet. because im just that close. and i made sure to buy the new lord of the rings rpg for such cases where i will need a new video game. but when kotor2 comes out, i will be learning so many force powers you'll wish the force was with you too. but its not. its mostly with me. my dog gets to have some too cause he can jump really high and can still be picked up even though he is teetering on 70 pounds at only 5 months. good job ben! you're growing up! he's probably more a dark jedi because he still nips a little and thinks it's real cool to pee when he gets excited. sorry ben, not cool my friend. just funny. anyhoo, its been a while since ive given a list of what i currently enjoy. here is such a list:

music:

owen-i do perceive

aloha-here comes everyone

pig destroyer-terrifyer

brian wilson-smile

interpol-antics

isis-panopticon

tusk-tree of no return

frank zappa-broadway the hard way

video games:

star wars knights of the old republic-xbox

lord of the rings the third age-ps2

star wars jedi academy II-xbox

grand theft auto san andreas-ps2

dvds:

aqua teen season 3

home movies season 1

arrested development season 1

star wars 2: clone wars

tv:

tom goes to the mayor

internet:

yahoo mail

food:

chicken in most any form

[pbandjesse]

We are in Massachusetts! It was a long day of travel but honestly it was an excellent day and for the most part I felt great. My body still is feeling weird but we took COVID tests when we woke up so we know we aren't sick at least.

It is Christmas Eve. And I was looking forward to the day. I tried to not stress myself out over it. Over forcing a good day. I just wanted to go with the flow.

Sleep was not amazing. It was fine. I woke up very cold in the middle of the night. So that woke me up a few times. But I was fine when my alarm went off at 9.

I got up and got washed and dressed and felt pretty good. My hair felt a little dry but that always happens when we come north. I felt pretty in my new dress.

I went and sat with Dad in bed while we went over the home inspection and he was so cute highlighting and writing notes and it was just a lot of fun seeing all the things he was excited about. I was excited too.

James and Mom would come in the bedroom and mom said I should eat something. I was very dramatic about not knowing what I wanted. Eventually we landed on toast and berries. James would make it and I appreciated them very much but also I was being very dramatic because it is funny.

Steve would text me that he would be arriving at 10. Exactly when I had said to come.

I was very excited to see him. And also anxious because he hasn't been around enough in my opinion. But he was exactly on time. I was thrilled.

He looked great. And I was excited to show him our wedding book. I love seeing what different people see in it. How they see themselves and their memories from our wedding. He also really gushed about how nice the book was and how good we did doing the layout and the printing choices. Made me feel really good.

We decided to order lunch. Mom would get so many things. Pizza and sandwiches and sides and sodas. Very much appreciated.

Right before she called that in a little neighborhood girl rang the bell to drop off a gift from her parents and to pet the dogs. It was very sweet.

While we waited for the food we would open gifts. Which was very fun. I prefer when people open one at a time because I want to hear explanations for what they got and why they received it. And I think gifts went really well! Firstly I gave Steve his blanket I made. And he was so grateful and really understood the work that went into it. And that made me feel good. I hope he feels the love that went into it.

Dad got a book and an antique metal bank that has a donkey that throws the coin. Mom got a sweater and a book. And we gave them their own copy of the wedding book. Which mom was so excited about and that made me really happy.

Me and James opened gifts next. I got the hair tool I asked for. And I got the giraffes family of calico critters and I'm so excited about that. I hope when we move I can start using my two other doll houses. I want to move some of the characters out of my nursery school because it's very full. But depending on the display in the new studio I may be able to just make a dedicated space for them that can have a bit more space.

James got so many sweaters. Two from me and them two from my mom. My mom got me some sweaters too. One is such a nice stripey pattern. And another is a new fleece. Super soft. I got a few other knick knacks and she got us some cute owl plates and some other animal themed things. It was fun and I was having a good time. And then food was there!

We ate and talked and it was a really good Christmas Eve lunch. We would discuss house stuff and music and stories. My head was very full of love.

But way to soon it was time for us to go. I made everyone go in the backyard to take pictures. Everyone complained at me about being cold but I told them to keep it together and stop complaining and I got us some nice pictures.

James loaded up the car and there were hugs all around. I made sure I told my brother some care instructions for the blanket. Gave him extra hugs. I ran downstairs to give Sweetp a hug too and promised to be back very soon. And then we were off.

And the drive was long but it was really good. James is a rock star and did the whole 4 and a half hour drive. And I was able to sit and just draw.

And I drew so much. I don't normally draw much but I wanted to sketch out the rooms of the house and how we might decorate and design it and it was a lot of fun and I was so focused that the drive just went to quickly.

At two hours in we made a stop to use the bathroom and get donuts in Connecticut. It was getting cold out for real but I didn't bother to put my jacket on. We went inside and got donuts and I waited for James with our snacks.

I was feeling a little icky but the snack helped. When we got back in the car we listened to Phoebe Bridgers Christmas album from last year. And I just kept drawing.

I would draw until we were about a half hour out. It had gotten very dark outside. And there are not a lot of street lights out here. But I loved seeing all the trees. I can't wait to see it tomorrow. I bet it's going to be beautiful.

When we arrived at Mary and Stoney's beautiful home I was thrilled to see them. I was thrilled to see everyone.

I was feeling a little off but I was excited to meet James baby cousin Miriam and remeet the 5 year old Ezra. I met him at Cait and Ayden's wedding years ago. But he's a whole person now. Amazing how time changes.

I loved seeing the house and the different spaces. They have a barn that is Stoney's workshop and was set up for food. And then Mary has this beautiful glass house studio that is hair darling. They have great taste.

We would get to share the news about our house and everyone was so excited for us. I showed them photos and the drawings I had made. And it was the best I have felt about how real this is. It's happening, change is coming. And things are going so well. I'm so excited for what's next.

We had a snacky dinner. James got our camp chair from the car and we would sit on that so that there was enough space for everyone.

Eventually me and James would join the cousins sitting around the fire. And it was fun hearing them talk about the shows they are watching and rewatching. Framing it as projects with their friends where they watch episodes and discuss it together. Which I think is very sweet. And it was just really nice sitting around a fire. I hope we can have a little fire pit someday.

Soon everyone was ready to go. We were all getting tired. And it was decided we would all get together for normal Christmas activities in the morning. Perfect. We helped bring things in. I pet the dog for a bit. And then it was time to go.

We would get in the car and we followed the Fulwilers to the air BNB. And it's so cute. It's a duplex and we are on the one side and it's such a strange layout but it's very fun. There is some kind of water outside. You can hear it.

Me and Charlotte both got showers. The shower I used downstairs had a mat that was crazy slippery and I almost fell! But I took that out and did not break my head.

So now I'm clean and wearing the new fleece mom got for me. This will be a very good layering piece for sure.

James and their parents are watching it's a wonderful life in the living room. And soon I hope to fall asleep and have a good rest. So that I can have a great time tomorrow.

Because it's Christmas!! I hope it's a really fun day and I do not cry. Don't need a Christmas cry this year. I hope to see some nature and open some nice gifts and get to give James so many things I have found for them.

I feel very grateful and loved today. And I hope you do to. I hope if this time of year is hard, that you find a moment of love. Goodnight everyone. Sleep well and take care. Merry Christmas.

[nataliesnews]

Israel is an apartheid state. Written on Yom Kippur 30.4.2023

The most boring day in the year. I walked the 10000  steps this morning  before the heat came. I don't understand Israelis though I think it is part of their mentality. There were very few people in the street when I started out. For the next two hours I must have passed about 20 people.   Only one little boy greeted me. I have noticed this before. Quite often I myself greet and for the most part get a sour look and a muttered reply. I heard someone behind me and it was Karin. Dafke not Jewish but on her way to the services in Ein Kerem. This evening we will walk up together to Kiryat Menachem where they have a Nehila outside and it if lovely with people coming with small children on tricycles, dogs, everything very casual. Karin asked what she should wish me and I said that in the years to come I should not feel that I have to go  to demonstrations. I also notice a difference with the dogs that people have. Some walk very sedately with their owners and others are always finding a place to sniff and the owners have to have patience.

 I listened to an interview with Gideon Levy on the way. He said that Ha'aretz is one of the most liberal newspapers he knows not only in Israel. In fact, a customer once came and complained that he should be dismissed and the owner said that, seeing that the customer was not happy, maybe he should just stop taken the paper. He spoke of Israel being an apartheid state. He gave as an example what I have often commented on. The difference in the occupied territories between the green and fertile settlements and the dry and arid villages. Is that not a sign of apartheid?  These villages have to buy their water and pay much more than Israelis.. Please don't tell me as some friends do that they do not pay their bills. Even if they do not there is no reason for the army to go in and destroy their wells or fill them up or take away their storage tanks…..and their springs are taken over by the settlers.

 That settlers can attack the Palestinians on their own land and not be arrested? Is that not apartheid. That settlers can come down to a village and throw stones at the house and not be arrested even though there are videos which show this clearly. Is that not apartheid. That they cannot drive on roads which have been built on their land. Is that not apartheid.  Over 1000 people are doing to be thrown out of their homes with no provision made for them while illegal settlements are given water and electricity. Is this not apartheid.

 Palestinians are only allowed on to farm lands (not olives) on certain times and certain days. Once they go in early in the morning they have to wait until the later afternoon so come out again. If they have forgotten a tool or need something it makes no difference. Another kind of ghetto.

 An excerpt  from a soldier's letter:

" When I was a soldier, we were ordered to set up an ambush in the house of a Palestinian family in the Ramallah area. They had several children, and I still remember their panic when we broke into their house in the middle of the night and set up our weapons and gear in the living room and on the balcony. We closed off the family in one room.

The official purpose of that mission was not to instill fear. It was a byproduct, but an integral part of the mission nonetheless, as with so many other missions in the territories. Nowadays commanders talk less about "creating a sense of being chased". That sounds bad. "Making our presence felt" slides better on the tongue. But the goal is the same."  Is this not apartheid

 We often see houses which have been searched at night for no valid reason and been  turned upside down. Foodstuffs vandalized, oil thrown over dry products. Money stolen. My friend was telling me that she saw this with horror when her son was serving….and this twenty years back…and she phoned him in horror and asked if he took part in this and he replied, "I don't have to. There are enough volunteers"

  Two Palestinian cities were blocked just before Yom Kippur so that the settlers could come to pray Slichot at the entrance……prayers for forgiveness. Into one village soldiers entered in the dead of  night to perform the some prayers. The people of Sheikh Jarrah were under curfew while the settlers celebrated and created havoc for some holiday of their making. Is this not another kind of ghetto.

   Toward the end of the interview that the Palestinians have never been as alone as they are today. The Emirates and Saudi could not care less about them. That is one of the reasons why I will keep going to demonstrations where I can meet them to show that there are still those of us who care. What really hit me because this is something which I have not been able to put into words……the rest of the world is so occupied with climate change, etc. that in the end, he said, the Palestinians would land up as the American Indians are today….stuck away and of no importance to anyone.

    le

[lawnmowing101]

Lawn mowing standards - time to raise the bar? I often drive past a job and wonder what the lawn guy was thinking. The edges are shabby, and there are random chunks of grass on the lawn. It looks horrible. I often walk my dog past a business in Te Rapa, and I have commented to my wife about the state of the lawns. I figured it was because the company got a worker (who didn't know much about lawnmowing) to do the lawns. I was shocked to walk past the other day and see one of New Zealand's largest landscaping companies doing the lawn. The mower guy kept changing heights, and the weedeater guy was going the wrong way. I know it can be hard sometimes to keep employees on track. That was one of the reasons we scaled back from five vehicles to two. We felt that our standards were dropping, and it was tough to find people who cared as much about our business as we did. We even agreed that if a worker finished his day's work early, they could go home. However, if a customer complained, they returned and fixed it on their own time. That worked ok, but it wasn't the answer for us. The one thing that we can all control is our standards on the job. If you want a good business, you must set high standards and stick to them. If I am in the vehicle and just about to leave a property, I see something that's not right. I stop, get out the tools and fix it. Worse still, you reverse out of a drive and see grass from the blower, which ended up under your vehicle. Then you have to stop and fix it. That is a real pain, but it's essential. How do you expect the customer to feel if you are unhappy with your job? One of the reasons that our business name ranks in the top five Google searches for lawnmowing in Hamilton is that we work hard to keep our standards high. We always trim the edges, use the blower, and turn up on time. If we cannot get to a job, we text the customer to let them know. It's the same when we get quotes; we always turn up. If we cannot do the quote, we pass it on to another company we know will turn up or tell them we cannot do the quote so they can continue their search. We answer the phone promptly & call people back immediately. The only time a call will ever go to the answerphone is when I am on the phone or am talking to a customer. A person standing before you is much more critical than someone ringing. You can call them back when you finish with the customer. There is a name for the type of business management. It's called “Good old-fashioned service.” The fact that it is becoming less and less common can be the thing that makes your business stand out. It could be a great leap forward for your business if you decide to embrace it.

[darkwood-sleddog]

kinda snowballing off that post and also bringing in what my vet said a few months ago about being surprised that my dogs are so nice and easy to handle 'for malamutes'

the idea that working bred dogs cannot be friendly with people (to their breeds ideal bc let's be honest golden friendliness is different than collie friendliness is different than husky friendliness etc.) is such a weird perception to me and a troubling position to see my fellow working sled dog peers take.

Like "oh they didn't do well at the show because they're working dogs." you say in a ring full of other working dogs and it's not even the question of "is this dog socialized to this or not?" because certainly my working breeder (whose dogs are highly titled in work in the breed) does not prioritize some of the situations my working pet dogs are put in by me, but they did not need to be heavily socialized to these situations to navigate them.

They have never been even remotely wary of a stranger and even though they have no show experience and never will I know that the only thing they'd struggle with in the ring would be stacking for long periods of time. Not being around other dogs of the same gender even though they are selective, not the poking and prodding. Yes, even my dog that is too naturally anxious to be breeding quality.

My dogs are a primitive breed and modern expectations of dog behavior doesn't often line up with their naturally occurring behaviors. They're loud, they wrestle too hard for many other dog breeds, they prefer a strict routine of respectful behavior and body language from other dogs -and yes the modern expectation they should act no differently than a golden is ridiculous- but despite not meeting these societal expectations i can bring my dogs to a restaurant or to the hardware store with me, my dogs greet children gently even though they've had limited exposure, even when they don't love what's being done to them at the vet they are able to be safely handled and none of that takes away from their working ability.

[dirt-grub]

people who shit on folks who need therapy animals shut up challenge 

[ificouldhelpyouforget]

[22] It's All For Billy (Tim Riggins x OFC)

MASTERLIST | DWHI MASTERLIST

Warnings: owning up to mistakes, taking the fall for family

Words: 2.3k

I went with Tim to Riggins' Rigs the same morning Becky brought over our things and Skeeter. The little dog ran right over to me doing homework on the couch and nuzzled into me.

"Hey, buddy. I missed you." I kissed his head and scratched his ears. "I hope you were good and didn't annoy Cheryl too much."

Skeeter licked my face, making me laugh and set my books aside.

Tim came over to sit next to me once Becky left. His clothes were covered in grease stains and he had grease marks all over his hands and arms. I kissed his mouth and stared at him.

"Yeah?" He gazed at me.

"Your mechanic getup here is sexy. I didn't think you could get any better lookin', babe."

"Does Catherine Barton have a thing for mechanics?"

I kissed him and brushed his hair back. "Just for the mechanic next to me."

Tim looked at Skeeter. "I didn't know Skeet could fix cars."

Laughing, I leaned into Tim. I stared up at him and pulled him into a hard kiss. I was only a little disappointed when he pulled away.

"As much as I want to close down the shop to fulfill whatever mechanic fantasy you have, I've gotta finish up this car." He patted my leg and went back to work.

I lounged back on the couch with a big sigh. "Too bad, I guess. I'll just have to imagine what it'd be like... right here, right now, on this couch... or the car being fixed. That'd be fun."

"Barton, I'm tryin' to work."

"Yeah, and I'm tryin' to get you to come back over here."

Tim watched me from under the hood for a moment before his phone rang. We were so close. He picked it up, smirking at me.

"What? You're not kiddin'? It's happenin'?"

I perked up.

"No, yeah. We're on our way. We'll see ya there." He hung up and started cleaning up some of his tools. "Mindy's havin' her baby."

I had my things packed up before Tim had his hands washed. Billy as a dad seemed hilarious to me, but I was so damn proud of him. 

I ran to Tim's truck, instructing Skeeter to stay in the shop. "Come on, Tim!"

He shut the garage door and jumped into the truck. He kissed me shortly. "I guess you're fantasy has to wait, huh?"

I squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek. "Just drive, Riggins."

*****

The waiting room had a few people scattered around, me and Tim included. We weren't allowed in with Mindy since we weren't her direct family. I took the opportunity to work on my studies. When the intake of information was too much, I shut the book and rested my head on Tim's shoulder. I felt him kiss my head.

Sleep was knocking at my door when Billy stormed out in a nurse's gown. He looked like he was about to cry because he was kicked out of the room. A few tears did leak out when he sat next to Tim.

I reassured him that he'd get to go back once he calmed down. Mindy didn't need to have her support wavering because he was nervous or scared. He needed to buck up and be the foundation to keep her strong as she birthed their child. My words did seem to impact him, but he still spent another hour complaining.

Tim finally had enough of his brother and said a few magic words to pump Billy back up. It was something only brothers could understand.

Billy marched back into the room and took his control back.

I sighed. "It's so quiet now."

"You're welcome." He kissed my head and tapped my book. "Now get back to studying. Break's over."

"Yes, sir."

Another hour or so went by before my brain had enough again. I put the book away and let my head fall back against the wall. "Has she had the baby yet?"

Tim chuckled. "Nope."

I put his arm around my shoulders and snuggled as best as I could against him. "Wake me up when Billy comes runnin' out like a mad man."

As soon as I said it, Billy ran through the waiting room shouting about his new baby boy and how he made that little baby. He hugged me and Tim before we could stand up and congratulate him on the birth. Still shouting like a crazy person, Billy ran back to the room where his not so pregnant wife was catching her breath.

Another half an hour passed before we could go in to see Baby Riggins. I was so nervous seeing a baby so soon after birth, but oh so excited to watch Billy be a dad.

A tiny baby wrapped up in a blanket was in Mindy's arms as we entered the room. Billy's eyes were full of a love I'd never seen on a man before as he stared at his wife and son. My eyes watered as he waved us over without looking up from his baby.

Tim let me coo over Little Riggins first. I said short phrases to the baby like I was talking to Skeeter. While I told Mindy she did amazing, I fixed her hair a little bit. She wasn't a close friend, but I still leaned over and kissed the top of her head before stepping back and hugging Billy. Tim greeted his nephew in a low voice while I watched with Billy. 

"His name is Steven Riggins," Billy said, touching his son's head gently. 

My heart soared.

*****

That evening, Tim and I went back to the garage so he could finish the car he was working on. I gathered my things together so we could ditch out as soon as he finished. He decided to be a goofball rather than work, playing invisible instruments to the music going. I laughed so hard I started to cry.

Tim walked over to me, wiping away the tears and kissing me roughly. I didn't mind it. I was having a hard time focusing on anything else other than Tim and his messy mechanic clothes somewhere not on his body.

Everything came crashing down when the sound of someone walking into the garage forced us apart. A cop stood next to the car looking far from happy to be there. Skeeter knew something was wrong when we silenced, so he growled. I shushed him.

"Are you Tim Riggins?"

My heart raced and my breath came short.

"Yes, sir."

"Is your brother around?"

"No, sir."

The officer studied the garage. "I'm gonna need ya to tell me where he is because both of you are coming with me to the station."

Tim lowered his head. "He just had a baby, sir. He's at the hospital still."

"Thank you, Mr. Riggins. Now I need you to get in the car." I grabbed Tim's hand before he started walking, but the cop stopped me. "Ma'am, you have to stay right here."

"Go back home, Barton," Tim told me. "I'll get there when I can."

I nodded as a few tears rolled down my cheeks. I didn't even get to kiss him before he followed the police officer to the car. I swallowed my fear as the police car pulled away. I quickly closed the shop as best as I could and took Skeeter home with me.

*****

It was nearing 3 a.m. when Tim finally came home. I hadn't slept at all, sitting on the couch while I waited. He was so quiet when I shuffled over to him and hugged him tightly. When he didn't say much about it, I knew he was deep in his thoughts. Instead of having him answer my questions, I led him to my room.

I brought him into my bathroom where I helped clean him up from work. The elation we felt about Baby Riggins was long gone, leaving us with the stark reminder of the consequences for letting a chop shop exist in Riggins' Rigs. Once his skin was as grease free as we could manage without a shower, I attempted to tuck him into bed. He wouldn't have any of it.

Tim pulled me down on top of him when he finally laid back. His lips touched mine, desperate for something I was unaware of. I didn't know what to do to help him, so I let him find what he needed from me.

Abruptly, he quit kissing me and pressed my body against his. I put my nose and mouth against his chest, wrapping my arms around him as best as I could. My eyes closed as his hand tangled in my hair. 

"We'll be okay," I whispered in his chest, leaving a soft kiss there.

*****

Things with the police settled down for Thanksgiving. Billy and Tim still had lawyers to talk to, which was going as well as they could go with both of the Riggins having some kind of a record. I just prayed the whole situation would be solved with neither of them going to prison. I was relieved none of us had to think about it until after a Thanksgiving meal with the Taylor family. Both of them needed the chance to think and find some kind of peace in the matter.

It felt normal at the Taylors'; relaxing, fun. I helped Mrs. Taylor with setting the table and getting the food set out. The way Tim stared at me as I bustled around made my heart hurt. I couldn't understand why. His eyes were so sad and full of longing. I didn't know what to do except kiss his forehead as I went by. It seemed to help a little.

Both Riggins were quieter than usual during the meal. Tim put his hand on my knee several times, never looking at me when he did. He took my hand when Billy stood up to make a gut-wrenching speech about everyone there. 

I did what I could to keep happy the rest of our visit there, laughing with Julie as we did the dishes or playing with Gracie Bell in the living room. My happy feeling slipped away when I saw Tim go out on the back patio with Billy. Both of them looked at each other like they'd never see the other again. My palms started sweating as they hugged each other.

The three of us excused ourselves with thankful hearts once everything was cleaned up. Nothing felt better than being loved by each and every one of those people there. I just wished the Riggins brothers felt that as we climbed into Tim's truck. They both looked so lost.

My hands shook when Tim pulled into the police department lot on the way home. I felt sick when he turned off the truck and stared straight ahead. I took a deep breath that wavered when I felt tears pool at my lower lids.

"I-I'll be outside," Billy said as he opened the truck door. I was deafened by the silence after the door shut.

"You're goin' to admit to it all, aren't you?" I knew something was going on at the Taylors', I just didn't want to think about it. I wanted to enjoy the day, feel thankful for what I had.

"I have to... for Billy, Mindy... Stevie."

I nodded, sucking in a sound of distress and looking away from him. "Okay."

Tim took one of my hands. "I know this is gonna hurt us, but no matter how long I'm in there, Barton, I'll be thinkin' about you. And if you don't hate me when I get out, I still wanna get married to you."

"I won't hate you, Tim. I don't hate you for doin' this. It's all for Billy, right? You're just being the best damn brother in this whole town, this whole state."

"Take care of Becky... and Skeeter... the property... you and your grades..."

"I'll be okay, Tim." I sniffled. "It breaks my heart that this is what you've decided to do, but I understand. Billy can't go in there with a new baby at home. It would destroy him and Mindy. We're strong. We'll make it through."

Tim took a long, shaky breath. "I love you."

I finally had the guts to look up at Tim. His eyes were red and threatening to spill over. It was clear he didn't want to do it, but it was the only thing he had. I didn't even have an idea to get both of them out of trouble.

My lips found his in a desperate attempt to say our goodbyes as temporary as we hoped it would be. Each time our lips touched, the more salt I tasted from my tears and most likely his. It made me cry harder, tucking my head under his chin. I savored his arms around my body.

"I love you, Tim Riggins. Don't forget it, okay?"

He kissed my head and then lifted my chin up to kiss me one more time. We had to get out of the truck if Tim was ever going to help his brother.

I wept the whole time he and Billy said their own goodbyes. Their hug made me choke on a sob and wrap my arms around myself. Tim came over to me to hug again before wrapping me up in his coat. His lips stayed on my forehead for a few seconds longer and then he walked away. He paused, looked at his hand, and tossed his car keys to Billy. I fell to my knees when the station door shut behind him, muting the sounds from my mouth in the sleeves of Tim's coat.

[theji]

Things Yizhan Made Me Do

It's BXG Day today! 🐢💛

To commemorate the occasion, I thought of making a list of 13 out-of-character things that I've done since falling into the fandom. (OK I'm a bit late I meant to do this sooner, the day is ending soon in a couple of hours).

1. Start a blog

And a public one, no less. I had a blog when I was in my teens but that was private, like a personal diary. My day job already involves writing so off-work I would usually like to indulge in mindless activities. Now, here I am, maintaining a Yizhan blog. I have not even used Tumblr prior to this but I'm enjoying it now, rambling about our fav boys. Writing is not a chore if it's about them.

2. Join a fandom

I joined a boy band fan club once upon a time, some 15 years ago, but I was never as invested in it as I am now with Yizhan. Back then it was just buying some merch, attending their concert/autograph sessions, listening to their songs. Apart from work, dog mum duties, personal relationships, other hobbies like kombucha brewing, most of my free time is now spent on the fandom. My Netflix account is crying. There is just so much to do and catch up on (I'm not complaining). I also enjoy interacting with and learning from other bloggers here. Antis are no fun and some industry news/developments/hate messages are upsetting but ultimately, you curate your own fandom experience. And I choose positivity and rationality.

3. Indulge in RPS

I don't ever 'ship'. What is 'ship'? 😆 I was always a dutiful audience, just enjoying whatever drama series and moving on after that. I started with CQL like most people and I didn't even notice/like GGDD until much later. Didn't even set out to 'ship' anyone but now I'm a self-professed turtle. SZD is SZD, and anyone can see something special between them if you keep an open mind. I wrote about my SZD reasons here previously. That said, GG & DD are individuals, each with their own successful careers. They come first, the ship comes second. That I'm very clear of.

4. Use Chinese apps

Gosh, my phone and tablet are now full of Chinese apps. I used to have only WeChat cos I needed it for work but now I have Weibo, Oasis, Douyin, WeTV, MangoTV, Youku, etc. Some of them are not even available in the app store so I had to find alternative sources to download them. haha..I even have paid membership for some of these apps. And now, browsing Weibo daily becomes a routine. If you wish, you can just get stuck browsing Weibo for a long long time. It's entertaining.

5. Read fan fic

I only started about 6 months ago but now I'm hooked and fics are largely the only thing I read these days, apart from news. But I only read Yizhan or WangXian fics (p.s. calling for fic recs of other pairings!) I know some might have different feelings about fan fics but to me, I really just see them as fiction, with characters (and sometimes traits) bearing similarities to GGDD. Similarly, I separate the platform from the incident so I have no problems going to A03 despite GG's incident. I just enjoy seeing the characters named XZ/WYB having happy endings in many different timelines and universes. While most of the fics I read are explicit (by design), I don't use them as tools to play out certain fantasies or to think of GGDD in a sexual manner. In fact, I really hate fics that have little substance and just go into the explicit parts without plot development. I like those with interesting premises too, like one I read recently where XZ is a serial killer and WYB is a police officer investigating the case but also in love with him. I do have plans to share my list of fav fan fics some time down the road so keep an eye out for it!

6. Willingly read Chinese

Yes, Chinese may be my mother tongue but I don't use it much in daily living unless I have to. I also find it tedious to read Chinese cos the characters are just so squashed together. If I have a choice, I will always pick English. But now, I read so much Chinese from my daily weibo browsing. I even read fan fics in Chinese! Who am I? On the plus side, I think my Chinese comprehension and translation skills improved. I also picked up some internet lingo used by Chinese netizens, which are pretty interesting like doi, 🐮🍺, 🖍. My all-time fav is yyds.

7. Act like a cougar

In real life, I have always maintained that younger men are childish. At least those I have encountered. But look at me now, fangirling over two younger men (I am closer in age to GG, but still..). I even jokingly call them my 'China Boyfriends'. I look at them very respectfully most of the time.

8. Buy merch

Seriously, once you start, you can't stop. At least that was what happened to me, although I'm still quite selective when it comes to supporting their endorsements. I usually go for consumables like food, cosmetics vs collectibles cos I'm more practical. Also, GG says to support their merch within reasonable means so that's what I'm doing. Just buying things that I'm interested to try and not because it has their faces or names slapped on it. In a way, this suits me cos I like trying new brands and stuff anyway.

9. Keeping a Yizhan archive

Photos, weblinks, videos, songs, fan fics list..my phone is full of these things now. I think my Yizhan photo gallery is only second to the folder with my dogs' pictures. But how can you resist when we are blessed with new pics of them almost every week?

10. Camp for livestreams

I'm lucky I live in the same time zone as the boys so I don't have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to watch something. But that's the thing, being in the same time zone sometimes make me feel like I HAVE to watch that thing live because, why not? Why wait? Not shy to admit that I once watched a live programme in the middle of work but I made sure I finished what needed to be done. I think so long as we don't let these livestream schedules run our lives, there's no harm in camping for them.

11. Watch c entertainment

I am one of those who used to pass over Chinese productions, simply because it's a Chinese production. Not in a scoffing manner but I'm just genuinely not interested in them nor the celebs. I was more of a US/UK production kind of person, occasionally Korean/Japanese. Now, I'm learning to enjoy them although I just watch those with GGDD in them. No energy to follow other Chinese celebs anyway. The other programme I'm contemplating watching even if it doesn't have them in it is Who's the Murderer (GG was only in one of the cases) cos I like the premise. On the flip side, now my sis and partner keep making fun of me cos to them, all I do now is "watch China shows". That is so not true. Or is it?

12. Write fan mail

I wrote a letter to GG once. A long-ass letter. I hope he read it. That's all I'm gonna say. 🙈 hahahahaha

13. Desire to visit China

China was never on my list of to-visit places. Just wasn't interested. I have been to Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou a few times in the past for work but even then, I never felt the urge to revisit for leisure. Now, I wanna visit GG and DD's home town, visit Chongqing to see the graffiti wall with Bobii Zanbii on it, eat mala hotpot and try out their sauce recipe, attend BXG events, dine at the CQL restaurant... Watching TTXS also made me realise that there are many beautiful places in China with natural landscapes and all that. I used to be clouded by my disdain for the regime and some behaviour of its citizens but now, I recognise that the country is separate from the regime or a smaller group of poorly behaved citizens. China is a beautiful country and I would love to visit some day. I will fly over immediately on my own if someone gives me tix to ADLAD!!

Well, I hope some of these things resonate with you. Feel free to share the OOC things that Yizhan made you do.

Once again, Happy BXG Day! 🐢💛🐆🐇🐷🌶🦁🍑🐶🍍🛹🎋

[ophiuchus-interactive]

While I agree with you I just gotta say.. it isn’t actually gonna be free, just because we get to play the demo freely (a peak to buyers of how the final product is gonna be) doesn’t meant you are not going to charge for the whole game and books in your case.

Not only the interactive fiction give their player a bit of the content free and if you search for those game, they usual in the category “pay to play”.

Yes it is your game and you can call it whatever you want but don’t fucking lie and say is free when you are going to charge money for all the book when is finished and when you haven’t even finished the demo part which also is expected to be free.

Sorry I just have seen others authors before say this and I found it completely ironic considering how sometimes authors also make ko-fis and patreons just so we can support them while writing their free demo.

(Please use the "discourse" tag to hide any and all discourse you don't wish to see! Thank you!)

I've answered a question like this once before, and I will only answer it one more time. Considering your lack of understanding as to what you can and cannot do with demos, patreons, and CSS, I will now disabuse you of any and all misconceptions. I hope your crow pie tastes good.

One: This entire IF will be uploaded into a demo for free. This includes the book and whatever extra content I feel like making in my spare time. You technically cannot make any money with CSS while the demo is in the works. It says so in the licensing upon downloading the tool. While you see many, many people start patreons for their demo, they technically can't.

This isn't to say I agree with this policy one way or another. I don't. I think it's a stupid rule. But from experience, personally, it's best to let sleeping dogs lie, and not stick my feet into something that could end up being something akin to a cease and desist or a lawsuit.

This is why so many IF authors are moving to Twine. You can publish demos and the like on itch.io and have the option to charge people whatever you like, as well as run patreons specifically for their IF they're developing.

I don't like Twine. I'm not going to waste my time learning to code on Twine, either.

Two: I don't know if this final product is going to be sent to Choice of Games and be approved for publishing. It most likely will not be. That is the only way I can make money off of this with CSS. I didn't come into writing IFs to get money; as I've stated many, many times before, I've written WWYFFs and CYOAs since I was about twelve years old, and none of what I've ever produced on the internet was ever hidden behind a paywall of some kind. Despite my love and passion for writing and creating, these aren't viable forms of income or jobs.

I cannot make this my job. I would lose interest in it pretty quickly if I were to try and make it one. I don't want that. This is a hobby, it has always been a hobby, and it will continue to be one.

Three: Ko-fis are completely donation based. I have a ko-fi if someone cares enough to throw a dollar my way for writing. I don't promote it out the ass, I don't have ANY content hidden behind a paywall there, and chances are with me preparing to go to law school and working a new job, I'm not going to have the time to write the IF, run this blog, and create content exclusive to any paywall.

Someone wants to pay five dollars to write a five page fic featuring a character they like, personalized and everything? Cool- welcome to the real world, where people decide as to whether or not the product or service they pay for is worth the money they will purchase it with. This principle is no different to the IF authors brave enough out there to have patreons while their demo is still in the works. If people believe their content is worth the price, they will pay for it. This is between the consumer and the provider, not me or you or any other Tom, Dick, or Harry who objects to it. It is what it is.

This will be the last time I will be answering any asks from you if it pertains to any discourse you feel is necessary to throw my way. I am not a drama blog, this is a development blog for a story that I want to write, and have fun while doing it. You can take your complaints and either swallow them and continue to enjoy every single piece of free content I've ever published on this blog and elsewhere, or you can leave. It's truly as simple as that.

Pestering me with pointless arguments and pretending that you have a dog in the fight when it is clear you have an astounding lack of knowledge as to how I will write my demo is truly nothing other than a bloody annoyance and a waste of both our times.

This is my story, this is my time that I am putting into creating content for people to enjoy, and I will not have ANYONE try to complain or bemoan their way into changing what I am writing. This doesn't just go for you. This is for every single person out there who thinks they can tell ME or any other goddamn author what they can and cannot write.

Go find someone else to annoy with your inane arguments and problems. Send anymore and you will be blocked. Period.

Thank you.

[allsassnoclass]

ohhh wait also i wanted to send number 73 (height difference one) and thought it wouldn't work for them but it might for muke actually? -taylor<3

@squishmichael oh taylor never doubt my ability to create situations that give people a height difference regardless of how tall the characters actually are

muke: height difference kisses where one person has to bend down and the other is on their tippy toes

Michael has spent way too many hours in the theater if he's starting to get jumpy at every little noise. It's not difficult to let his imagination run wild when it gets late into the night and he's alone, but Michael himself has never had an encounter with one of their theater ghosts and he has no reason to believe that he'll have one now. It's an old building, so it stands to reason that the random noises he sometimes hears are all a result of the building settling, not a murderer walking around or anything like that.

Michael hopes it's not a murderer, at least. Then he'd probably be stuck haunting the theater with the other ghosts, and that's not an after-life he's ever wanted for himself.

Either way, he's been here too long. He sent the other carpenters home a while ago, only his phone playing music from the sound booth to keep him company, but the set really should be finished by tonight so the charge artists can work their magic tomorrow in preparation for tech week. All Michael has to do is finish attaching the railing to Juliet's balcony and he can go home to his dogs and his boyfriend and maybe, if he's really lucky, leftovers in the fridge because Luke managed to cook without burning the place down.

He only has two more screws left when he hears what sounds like someone tripping over one of the acting blocks backstage and a faint Ow, what the fuck.

"Who's there?" he asks, holding the screw gun out like it could possibly make an effective defense. It's not a projectile weapon like the nail gun, so it's basically useless. Maybe he could throw it, though. It's heavy enough to hurt a little.

"Just me!" someone calls, which is not very specific. Luckily, Michael recognizes the voice.

"Luke?" he asks, right before the man in question comes into view. He has a tupperware container in his hand and a scarf wrapped securely around his neck to fight off the chill that comes with sundown, curls a little unruly but otherwise looking perfectly like a model for a men's fall fashion collection.

"Luke," he repeats, lowering the drill. "You scared the shit out of me. How did you get in here?"

"You have the security code pinned on the fridge," Luke says, making his way across the stage and careful to avoid all of the tools, extension cords, and wood scattered around.

"Oh," Michael says. He's probably not supposed to leave the security code out for anyone to see, especially now that he's worked at the theater long enough to have it memorized. "What are you doing here?"

Luke holds up the container.

"I brought something to hold you over until dinner. Also, it's late and you weren't answering your phone. I figured you were caught up in things here, but I got a bit worried."

Michael gestures to the sound booth.

"I have it on do not disturb."

"Well, I realize that now," Luke says. "It also explains why you're here at ten at night without complaining to me about it."

"Is it really that late?" Michael asks. "Shit. I lost track of time, sorry. I'm almost done, I swear."

Luke shrugs.

"It's fine. I'm just glad you're okay and not dead in an alley. Besides, I get to see you in all your craftsman glory. There's nothing like a guy who knows how to handle power tools."

"Oh yeah?" Michael laughs, pressing the trigger on the screw gun twice. "That does it for you?"

"Well, maybe it's just you," Luke grins. Michael's heart flutters a little, the same way it always does when Luke pulls out something corny and sweet to compliment him.

"You're an idiot," he says, not bothering to hide the fondness saturating his words. "Let me put two more screws in, then we can go."

Luke wanders closer while Michael works, setting the tupperware down on the balcony floor in between the legs for the railing. He runs a hand up one of the legs, design carefully cut and sanded by Michael earlier in the day.

"What do you think?" Michael asks when he's done, leaning on the railing and looking down at him. "Is Juliet's balcony going to work? Does this look like a worthy balcony to be the subject of Romeo's iconic monologue?"

"I don't know," Luke says, looking up at Michael through his eyelashes. He still has a little bit of glitter on his eyelids from the day, making him sparkle under the work lights. He's always breathtaking, but Michael loves it when he pulls out the makeup if only for the added confidence it gives him. Besides, Luke's eyes are beautiful. Michael likes that the eyeshadow helps other people appreciate them as much as he does.

"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?" Luke asks, gazing up at him. He pauses, then smiles. "I don't know any of the other lines, but I think it works. If I knew them, I'd monologue at you all night. You look good up there."

Michael is pretty sure he has sawdust in his hair, but Luke is looking at him like he's the prettiest thing he's ever seen. He feels his cheeks heat up under Luke's attention.

"You know, our Romeo is about your height. Think he'll be able to kiss Juliet from there?"

"We should test it out," Luke says. "Just to be sure it works."

"Yeah, definitely. I'd be a shitty lead carpenter if I didn't test it."

Luke tilts his head, gripping the railing legs. Michael cups the back of his neck and leans down, tugging Luke up towards him. Luke goes up on his toes, meeting Michael halfway sweetly. His lips are a little chapped and his nose is still cold from the walk from the subway to the theater, and Michael wants to keep him here until he warms up. Luke hums against him like he might agree.

Eventually Luke rocks back on his feet, breaking the kiss. Michael watches the glitter on his eyelids sparkle as he blinks his eyes open.

"I kind of like being taller than you for that," Michael says, swiping his thumb along Luke's jaw and loving the way that he leans into it. "It's a nice change of pace."

"Yeah?" Luke says. "We can do it again, if you want."

Michael doesn't respond, just leans down further and kisses Luke again.

He may not agree with most of Romeo and Juliet's decisions, but he thinks he understands them a bit better now. Kissing someone on a balcony is addictive, and he might make some silly decisions afterwards, too.

Of course, it might not be the balcony talking at all. Anyone would risk it all to be with Luke, and Michael thanks his lucky stars that he doesn't have to and can just keep kissing him instead.

[shoot-the-oneshot]

Hot Head

Requested @ateezlizard

#17 “I’m telling you, I’m haunted.”

Evan Buckley x reader

“I’m telling you Y/n, Halloween is the weirdest time of year.”

Buck complains, throwing random bags of candy in the cart. Sneaking a few in for himself when I wasn’t looking. To busy flipping through the costumes on the rack.

“Maybe so but, I think you’d look great in this.”

Barely hiding my smile at the deadpan look on Bucks face as he sees the cheesy firemen costume I was holding.

“That’s not even funny.” The look of annoyance quickly turning into a smirk.

“Why don’t you wear this?”

Countering my offer with a cliche angel outfit. Rolling my eyes as he laughs hysterically. “Honestly babe, you’re my angel even without a costume.” He says, wrapping his arms around me from behind trying to be cute. It’s sweet really, but wearing your 6ft boyfriend as a backpack through the store as he steers us to whatever catches his eye, isn’t as pleasant. “It’s only one day Buck, you can handle it.”

Today is the day, Halloween. The day kids get to stay up late, get more candy than they can eat, run around dressed as their favorite superhero or character. It’s also the day Buck is sure there’s something out to get him. It started with blood red water in his shower this morning, the scream he let out was loud enough to wake Y/n up in the next room.

Smoke suddenly appearing out from under the couple’s shared dresser. Then when he turned his Jeep on, scenes from horror movies blared from his speakers.

On their first call of the day at a haunted house where all the workers that weren’t aware of the emergency used Buck as practice and continued to jump out and scare him, one even complimented him on his firefighter costume. Poor guy only stopped shaking from either fear or rage, when we got back to the station to eat, being to busy talking to Eddie who was on the ladder to see where he was walking when Chimny yells out trough his laughter, already imagining his reaction.

“Hey Buck, don’t you know it’s bad luck to walk under a ladder!”

Looking from Chim then to the arial ladder that Eddie was on. Only now noticing he was standing under it. Almost tripping over his own feet as he jumps off to the side, nervously laughing.

“That, that doesn’t count right? Right Chim, Chimny!”

Chasing up the stairs after Chimny still calling his name. Eddie walks over to where you’re hiding behind the engine, watching it all unfold. “Don’t you think he’s been through enough?” eyebrow raised watching the chase going down in the fire house.

Smirking, thinking of all the plans you still have in mind. “Nope.”

It wasn’t until later that you almost started to feel guilty, almost, being the key word. Sure you planned most of the things today but not all the things that happened after, so you can’t really be blamed. “I can’t believe you almost ran over a cat.” Hen states, having seen the truck almost flip as Buck tried to dodge the cat, the black cat, that suddenly appeared in the middle of the road.

“After all the things that’s happened to me today I’m not risking it!” He snapped throwing his hands in the air, forgetting about the tool he held until it broke the mirror behind him. “No...” he breathed out looking as if he was in actual pain. Joining the rest of the crew when Boddy, put a hand on his shoulder feeling sorry for the younger man. Seeing the paramedics preforming CPR on the older owner of the house they got called too for a smoke detector check so the scene was a shock to the 118. After doing all they could to help, the medics call it. Going back to the ambo to call whoever they needed to call and getting the paperwork everyone had to fill out.

“Why are you in my house?” The firefighters practically jumping out of their skin when the presumed dead patient seems to be very much alive. Even Bobby lets out a startled gasp. The medics ran back into the house passing Buck who bailed to the front yard choosing to wait there then deal with the zombie. Pacing back and forth under the large tree in the yard, mumbling to himself that the day is almost over. Facing his coworkers when they come out of the house without bite marks as if the old woman was actually a zombie.

“It’s okay Bucks.” You cooed, actually seeing how tore up he was. The man ripping his jacket off before you can get closer to him.

“No! No it’s not, I told you I hated Halloween and you all laughed! Do you understand now!” His rant getting cut off as a giant snake falls from the tree into his shoulders. Yelping, flailing around enough that it falls to the ground.

“Oh that’s where that went.” The old woman croaks as she got pushed by the medic on the cot, seeing the fake snake on the ground. Not knowing it almost gave Evan a heart attack.

“Guys, I’m telling you, I’m haunted!”

“You’re not haunted Buck, it was Y/n.”

Captain Nash says, ratting you out to your boyfriend and the few people that didn’t know.

“What? No way.” He almost screams still wound up from the previous scare. “What about the haunted house that was a real call.” He asked when you sheepishly shook your head, confirming what Cap said.

“I recognized the address and called ahead I offered them 50 bucks to scare you.”

“The smoke and the shower this morning?”

“Put red dye in the shower head and dry ice under the dresser.” Chim not being able to hold in his laughs any longer. “I’m just going to say it. This is amazing!” Chimny being ignored as Buck continues asking questions.

“How’d you pull that off?” Pointing back to the house we just walked out of.

“Now that wasn’t me.”

And it’s true it wasn’t, no matter how amazing that would make this story sound later on when I tell his sister and Athena, at our weekly girls night.

“Why?”

Not being able to help himself from asking why his loving girlfriend of almost three years would go through all this just to torture him, he didn’t remember pissing her off lately, not enough for this anyway.

“Remember last year, when you put red hair dye in my shampoo and everyone called me hot head for a month.”

Oh, yeah, he did do that.

“If it makes you feel better, you did the worst things to yourself.”

You continued when he stares blankly at your face. Suddenly lunging at you, not having enough time to run away before he throws you over his shoulder.

“Even though i was terrified all day, that was good, just know I’m going get you back.”

“What if I wear that angel costume you picked out tomorrow night?”

“In that case all is forgiven.”

Setting you back on your feet next to the engine, giving him your best puppy dog eyes hoping he wasn’t to mad.

“I love you.”

“I love you too my little devil.”

“I thought I was your angel?”

“Apparently not on Halloween.”

Ruffling your hair before walking back to the truck. Eddie jumping in the drives seat just to make sure a kitten doesn’t cause a wreck back to the station.

[tianshiisdead]

// complaining and talking about myself! Some rambles on myself, the formation of cultural identity when you don’t really know anything about your culture aside from looks different and not white, defensiveness and the search for ~ victimhood ~ and just, a LOT of rambling and back and forth. 

I think of myself as Hui, one of the 55 ethnic minorities in China, descended from silk road traders from Western Asia mixing with locals. As far as my limited knowledge goes, aside from being Muslim, heavy eyebrows sometimes, and maybe lighter hair now and then, not much sets us apart really. We don’t have another language or anything, no land or cultural clothing, many of us aren’t even Muslim anymore. What makes us ‘Hui’ before we are ‘Chinese’?

But, when I was younger, I thought of myself as ‘Chinese’, and before that, as ‘Asian’. I think it’s interesting how this sort of identity forms, there’s nothing innate about knowledge of countries, of culture. I thought of myself as Asian growing up because all I knew of Asia was a large and blurry mass, dragons and great walls, bamboo, maybe there’s cherry blossoms in there somewhere too. I latched onto anime because it was the closest thing to my culture I’d seen, but I couldn’t even recognize my culture so it’s not like I really knew how similar it was. It felt like it should be similar, because Chinese, Japanese, we’re all East Asian right? Like, no, but it took me until university to learn because frankly we never learned in school and as a teen I didn’t Want to know or have anything to do with being Asian (except anime bc other kids found anime cool too). All of this stuff I’ve learned now, through research on history and culture and media, it’s all just layers onto my still forming self and that’s okay I guess. 

And, to be honest, what makes me a ~ little different ~ from um. many (not all don’t come after me lol) immigrants from other western countries is that I formed my identity based off of shame as well. My parents never saw it as super important to teach, identity is more natural for them I guess, but when we moved to Canada I knew nothing about anything. I shaped myself as ‘Chinese’ not because my parents were Chinese, but because I was told I was Chinese, because I looked different and others could tell and I guess I could as well. I built my Chineseness based off of stereotypes, yellow skin and bad smelling food and eating dogs and girls who are all sex workers. I built myself using the tools I was handed by people who Really Probably Didn’t think very highly of me and viewed myself through a western lens that was biased against me from the beginning. I’m happy I have my identity, and that I’ve learned enough to say I’m Hui, I’m Manchu, with all the negatives and positives of my history, but I can’t say I’m proud I guess, not innately. I can’t just make the shame go away, yk? ‘China’ is still an ugly word to me, it still tastes dirty on my tongue, and idk if that’ll change any time soon.

For me, being overly defensive of my culture and identity, and I guess I see a lot of people in similar situations to this turning to being overly defensive, it’s because I’ve been layering ‘good things’ onto a foundation built on shame. I need to constantly defend to keep this identity standing, I still inherently view myself through western eyes and I need to constantly be proving myself to those eyes, that aren’t built for seeing things like me. I haven’t faced racism, not *really* really, but some part of me felt vindicated almost when reading about modern history like ‘look, it’s not all in my head, there’s reasons I think of myself in terms of filth and disease, there’s reasons and it’s all their fault’. I can hold up these things, opium wars and rebellions I’ve never suffered through, say look at what you’ve done to my people, the people I’ve rejected until just recently. I can say how dare you destroy our culture, a culture I learned about in English on English speaking websites. I write my thoughts on the opium wars and my strong emotions regarding them while referencing papers written by British scholars without a hint of Asian heritage or much investment at all in Asian people. I don’t know. I feel strongly, still, reading about these things, but is it all in my head? maybe. 

And some things do affect me directly, the cultural revolution, the children sent down to the fields to work, the stories and trauma passed from grandparents to parents down to me. These things that I’d argue are distant ripples cause by the stone that is western imperialism ripping apart the already crumbling Qing dynasty and changing the world into one where China needed to become Westernized, but maybe that’s too simple, just blaming Them for all this trouble. I do hate taking responsibility, but if I can blame the British and co-opt my people’s pain, shouldn’t I also take responsibility for my people’s wrongs?

I can’t guarantee I have a good opinion on anything and I know I hate looking at things that make me feel like something other than a victim, but I’ll try my best I guess. Learn as much as I can, etcetera. maybe someday I’ll undo my rotting base identity and learn to like myself too, and I’ll be able to say ‘China’ without cringing.

[whoistheasshole]

Why do I get yelled at when other people behave like dillweeds?

Anonymous asks: what to do when people vent their anger on me. is it because i am the quiet one in the family or maybe i am the easy target???? cause they did that to me instead of calling out the one who creates the problem

Hi there,

I am not sure if you mean „complain to me about other people/family members“ only or „lash out at me when they are angry at somebody else“ also. Therefore I will try to cover several bases.

Generally, venting can serve a social function where you go to a third party to blow off steam and come back to the original offender more level-headed and constructive. In this way it can be a healthy tool of de-escalation – instead of having a hot-headed debate and just riling each other up, you talk to somebody else to work through the problem and come back with some fresh ideas.

If you vent in this way, you will get a better understanding if you were overreacting or should stand your ground. It can be necessary support to hold firm when you are in fact right.

Of course, all this counts on the fact the everybody involved is a willing participant.

If somebody vents excessively, without the consent of the target or worst, blows up at somebody else because they cannot blow up at the original offender, the venter may still feel relief, but the ventee is drawing the short end of the social stick, so to speak.

It sounds like you are in the latter scenario.

As to the why – I don’t know where it originated, but there’s this story about the boss yelling at the male employee, the employee coming home and yelling at his wife, the wife yelling at the kid and the kid yelling at the dog. The dog then probably gets a stress ulcer and starts chewing up shoes. As this short, though heteronormative, image shows: Everybody is finding somebody else with less power to vent their anger that they are not able to direct back at the aggressor. In real life, it is not always that simple because human connections and power structures are complex (and not like a white US TV commercial from the 50s), but the general dynamic holds true: If people are not able or willing to re-create their equilibrium by fighting right back at the (verbal) attacker, they will find other means to do so. The means do not have to be interpersonal – a lot of people are internalizers and turn the stress inward, getting the aforementioned stress illnesses instead. Or they try to cope with the situation and turn to an advice column. Just as an example. But generally, if you have a group of people–friends, hobby groups, work, family–unwritten social dynamics will always be at play that direct, among other things, who dares talk back to whom, who will stand by and look, who will try to get out of the line of fire, who tends to get blamed and so forth.

Long story short: Through the unique mix of power structures and personalities in your family, you are where you are now. You identified that you would like it to change and need some ammunition to do so. Fortunately, I do have some strategies for you.

First: If there are no safety issues at play, direct is always best. That doesn’t mean spontaneous. You can rehearse what you want to say or talk through it with friends or alone in front of a mirror–rehearsal can be crucial. But it’s absolutely okay and within your power (again, if safe) to speak up about your boundaries and needs. Find a short script that feels right and appropriate for the situation and tell the venter. You might want different scripts for when they are ready to have their next feelings barf versus talking to them in a quiet minute to re-set the dynamic. E.g. „Hey X, I realize Y topic is weighing heavily on you right now, but I’m kind of at my limit talking it through, so I’d like to focus on other topics. I hope you work it out!“

The last part is your friend, by the way, redirecting them to action. It can be used beautifully with incorrigible venters to make it very boring/unhelpful to talk to you. You have to be persistent though, these kind of dynamics are not changed in a day.

„That sounds tough, well I hope you work it out!“ / „Oh. What are you going to do about it?“ / „I see. What do you plan on doing now?“ / „I see that you are quite upset right now so I will give you some space. Feel better!“ and move away. (Read the last one from a Captain Akward commenter and I am still in love.)

What you want to do is:

1) Make it boring. Ever heard that active listening is important? Not here. Here you want to be the least enthused and most unhelpful listener that has ever graced the earth. Short words are your friend, said in a completely neutral tone: „Oh.“ / „I see.“ / „Hu.“ / „Hm.“ If you need some more pointers, look up „Grey rock method“. Fiddle with your phone, get up to do the laundry, have something at the ready that you need to start doing now which means you need to move physically away/make some loud noise. Potentially something that the other person approves of, or at least has no good reason to argue back against. „That sounds tough. I wish I could help, but I really need to get started on my applications. Catch you later!“

2) Never under any circumstances offer your opinion on the situation and especially not on what the other person should do. They might try to make you solve their problems or alternatively, shoot everything down that you suggest, which is also frustrating. If you have the urge to say something or are unsure how to continue the conversation without saying what you think, try silence. Few things are more effective in a conversation than silence. Maybe a small „Hmm“ or other thinking noises, if you must. If asked directly, you can also use „That’s a tough one, no idea off the top of my head.“ / „Honestly, I don’t know. What do you think?“ / „Beats me.“ You can say it sympathetically and remorsefully, but the more monosyllabic and flat you can be, the better.

3) Redirect them to figure it out themselves. See above: „Oh. What are you going to do about it?“ / „I see. What do you plan on doing now?“ It doesn’t mean they ever will. They might actually leave in a huff, but that’s a success. We cannot make other people do things, we can only control what we do ourselves. And if Dr. Vent 3000 bothers somebody else next time, well, success. Some people will have the gall to say „Well, you are not very helpful today.“ Take it as a badge of honor, don’t try to convince them otherwise, you are the grey rock. „Yeah, I’m not creative today.“ / „I’m all out of ideas.“ *shrug*

Family dynamics can make this list of strategies a little less helpful because you are in close quarters more often (I assume) and you cannot avoid the offender as easily, therefore definitely weigh how direct you can be with the person. If you don’t expect serious repercussions, it’s fine to say „Hey, I’m not involved with this and don’t want to be.“ / „Sounds like you need to sort this out with X.“  /„I don’t want to be in the middle of this, please take it up with X.“ / „Frankly, I don’t enjoy these conversations. What about topic change?“ and the all time classics of telling them about other things you need to do now and leaving.

When people put us in a weird position, the anger we feel at the mistreatment can make us blind to the options that are actually at our disposal. It is possible that you can only use few things of what I suggested, but make sure to stop and make an inventory of things that you can do because they are in your power. Feeling stuck and powerless can be the worst thing about this kind of situation and the antidote is identifying what you can do.

P.S.: Don’t get drawn into the losing battle of making the original offender behave (the person who upset the venter). It doesn’t sound like you’re the parent/authority figure in this scenario, so all you need to do is treat people who deserve it kindly and state your own boundaries when they are crossed.

[paperprinc3]

Kylux omegle chat

You: I heard you declined another bride. H I will do better next time. H [royalty au king Kylo advisor Hux]

Stranger: Your choices would be fine for anyone else. -KR

You: Perhaps if you were more specific I could find you the perfect spouse. H

Stranger: Male. Around my height. Intelligent. Red hair. - KR

You: Oh. H

Stranger: Have I not been obvious? - KR

You: I assumed you only wanted me to warm your bed. H

Stranger: I enjoy when you warm my bed, but I also want you at my side as my husband. - KR

You: I didn't realise you were that fond of me.  H

You: I'm not saying no. H

Stranger: Hux, surely you've realize how smitten I am for you. - KR

Stranger: I'd give you anything. The world, if possible. - KR

You: I assumed you were out of reach. H

Stranger: My mother married my father, who was a legitimate criminal. You're far above that, dear. - KR

You: Well yes technically. But he did rescue her. H I'm just a servant boy who looked after you. H

Stranger: You rescued me, too. And you're not a little servant boy anymore. You're my top adviser. - KR

You: I've lost count of the amount of times I rescued you. H If you seriously want to marry me, I want a fancy ring and title. H

Stranger: Hundreds of /thousands/. You've been good to me. - KR Oh, of course. I have just the ring. A jewel to match the blue of your eyes. - KR You can't exactly be a queen, but how does prince consort sound? - KR

You: It was my job. And you were a sad little cry baby. H It sounds like you're talking about your grandmother's ring. H It'll do. H What about having an heir? H

Stranger: I was /not/ a cry baby. - KR It's the prettiest ring in the collection. Unless you'd like your own? - KR It'll do, huh? You prefer something else, my dear? - KR Hmm. Surrogacy is an option, so is adoption. - KR

You: I disagree. I enjoyed making you cry. You're cute that way. H I think I deserve the prettiest ring. H I want to be the only one in your bed. I know that's selfish. H

Stranger: You're so mean to me. Remember how infatuated I was with you and you'd tease me for hours? - KR You deserve the prettiest ring plus some. A lovely crown to set on your head, too. - KR No, darling, it's not selfish at all. Adoption is a feasible option. - KR

Stranger: My mother is adopted, you know. - KR

You: I remember I made you work hard to woo me. H You are too good to me. H Good. You're mine. H We can adopt all you want. Have a dozen kids. H

Stranger: You make me work hard now, too. Every time I want a break, you're the one coming into my office complaining about proposals. - KR And you're mine. - KR Yeah? You want to adopt a dozen kids? Probably not at the same time. That might get hectic. - KR

You: Yes well I am your smartest advisor. H I like you being possessive. H I must admit, I chose ugly brides because I was jealous. H We'd have servants to look after them. H

Stranger: The only one I trust. - KR Let me mark you up a bit later, then? To celebrate our engagement. - KR Uh-huh. I knew something was up. - KR We would, but I want to be hands-on with our kids. Cuddle them and love them. - KR

You: The others are idiots, I agree. H You can kiss me everywhere. I'll clear my schedule. H Of course you did. Like I'd let you be stolen from me. H I want to have you to myself for a bit too. H

Stranger: They hate how much sway you have over me. It's funny when they get mad. - KR Oh good. I was afraid you'd make me wait. - KR Never. I'm yours. - KR Of course. We'll have set times for ourselves. I'm not going to forget about you just because we have children. - KR

You: Yes well if they'd given you sweets and sung you to sleep they might have a strong sway over you too. H For my beloved King? No one is more important to me than you. H And I'm yours. H We've not even married yet. We don't need to rush this. H

Stranger: You spoiled me more than anyone. - KR You continue to spoil me with such sweet words. - KR I know. We're just going to enjoy being married for a while. - KR

You: Mmmh. I was told you were mine when we met. I wanted to make you smile. H I love you. H

Stranger: You knew even when I was a gross child. - KR Did you ever imagine it would grow to love between us? - KR

Stranger: I love you, even more. - KR

You: You were cute and small. I don't know what happened. H I knew I would always serve you and look after you. You need me. H I'll write a proper announcement for the public. H They'll go crazy. They've been waiting for your wedding for ages. H

Stranger: Now I'm taller than you and still cute. -KR I know they have. I think the people will be thrilled to know it's you. - KR

You: You're rugged and handsome now. H Still very kissable. H Most I think will be. I'm not certain of your mother. H

Stranger: Thank you, darling. - KR I much prefer the kisses you give me now, of course. - KR She will be hesitant of anyone, you know that. - KR

You: Mmmh. I'm aware. You're quitet the hound dog sometimes. Following me about for a kiss or two. H Your mother hates me. H

Stranger: Your kisses are my favorite thing. - KR She thinks you're strong-willed. - KR

You: I am. H Does that mean I don't need to get you a present? H

Stranger: You are. There's no denying how strong you are and how much you mean to me. She'll get over it. - KR Hmm. You can be my present. - KR

You: She did chose me to be your servant. H It was fated. You and I. H As if you can keep me from sneaking into your chambers. H

Stranger: Does she know you've moved beyond servant to lover? - KR I know. I feel as if I've known you for lifetimes. - KR Good. I didn't think you'd stop. - KR

You: She's your mother not mine. I'm just someone she asks to bring tea now and again. H Since you were five so pretty much a life time. H Soon they'll be mine too. H

Stranger: She hasn't said anything to you, then. Excellent. Good. - KR A whole lifetime. You were much older than me, though. They should have expected me to be completely smitten with you. - KR They will be. We'll never have to do anything apart again. - KR

You: It might be best if you tell her before making an announcement. H I'm not that old! You make me sound like an old man. I'm five years older than you! H You were smitten? I thought you were clingy because no one else spent much time taking care of you. H

Stranger: Yes, of course. I wouldn't dare let her find out with everyone else. She'd never forgive me. -KR Such an old man. That's literally a lifetime. Cradle robbing Hux. - KR Shush. No, I was smitten. I wanted to be near you constantly. - KR

You: You'd be in big trouble yeah. H That hurts! I didn't steal anything. H I remember you made me sleep on the floor by your bed. H

Stranger: We do want her to come to the wedding and give her blessing. - KR I'm teasing, baby! I promise. Five years is nothing. There's ten between my parents. - KR And then I made you sleep in my bed. I needed you close. - KR

You: Of course. H Yes well, I've heard similar things from your other advisors.. I guess I'm sensitive. H You were scared of the dark. H

Stranger: Oh, Hux. No. Don't listen to them. - KR I'm still scared of the dark so you'll share my bed. - KR

You: I try not to. H You're such a liar. But I love you. H

Stranger: I love you, too. - KR Do you want a proper engagement? - KR

You: What exactly is a proprer engagement? H My father doesn't deserve any goats for my hand. I've been working in the castle for so long. H

Stranger: I meant do you want me to ask in court. In a ceremony? - KR

Stranger: Fuck your father and his goats. He can waste away in that withering estate for the things he has done. - KR

You: Oh. Yes. I'd like a ceremony. H Yes I agree. He's not invited to the wedding. H

Stranger: Being my husband means you get your own pension. You get to decide what it's spent on. - KR Good. He can hear about it from the news. - KR

You: A pension? I think you mean an allowance? I'm not old. H I'll spend it on sweets. H

Stranger: Oh, I forget you're not an old man. - KR Sweets, huh? - KR I can buy you sweets. - KR

You: I'll remind you tonight. H You give me everything I need. I wanted to get sweets for you. H

Stranger: You always had a pocket full of sweets for me. - KR

You: Of course. And I will for our children as well. H

Stranger: They'll get as fat as I did. - KR

You: Mmmh. I remember that. I used to roll you around. H

Stranger: I was not /that/ fat.- KR

You: I'm teasing. H

Stranger: Uh-huh. - KR

Stranger: I lost all that puppy weight, though. - KR

You: I'm remembering how cute you were. H A mini you would be so sweet. H

Stranger: I think a mini you would be nice, too. My own little Hux to cart around. - KR

You: A mini me would still boss you around. H

Stranger: And look adorable doing it. In my arms the entire time they bossed me around. - KR

You: I will consider it. H

Stranger: That almost always means 'no'. - KR

You: I might have been a little hasty in saying no to a surrogate.. H

Stranger: You know we don't have to actually sleep with them. There are tools that can be used. - KR

Stranger: We could both provide a sample and just see who takes. - KR

You: .....I didn't know that. H You're the only person I've slept with. H

Stranger: Yes, we can have her, well, inseminated. Like you would a horse. - KR Same. You're the only one for me.- KR

You: I'm sure the lucky lady would love that comparison. H I know. I don't let anyone else get that close. H

Stranger: Well, obviously, we're not going to tell her that I compared her to a horse. - KR Oh, I know. You've been sending me terrible suitors for a while now. - KR

You: Good. H We should sort the wedding first I suppose. Thought we both know your mother will plan it all. H

Stranger: Of course she will. The marriage of the King is the biggest event in the history of the kingdom. - KR It has to be perfect, which, it will be with you as my spouse. - KR

You: I forget you're king sometimes. You're always my Kylo. H

Stranger: I loved that about you. You never saw me as the prince. - KR

You: I spoilt you like one. H

Stranger: There's no denying that. You kept me never wanting. - KR

You: Hush now. H

Stranger: You hate when I praise you. - KR

[chibimyumi]

Kuro 159 Summary & Thoughts

その執事、 配送 : 碧落を射抜く、梟の瞳

That Butler, Delivery: Penetrating a thousand miles, the eyes of the owl

In the previous chapter (158) Rin’s friends were disposed of as excess, while Rin herself was taken by the Mafia to work as their tool for evil. Rin was but a young child, and we knew of her future encounter with our protagonists. But how their encounter would take shape was anyone’s guess.

This chapter shines more light on the transformation from Rin to Meyrin.

Rin has now officially become a member of the Chinese mafia, and her gift is being made full advantage of.

“Our next objective is the leader of the Elders Brothers Society, a man named Yang,” the mafia don instructs his sniper. He explains that the Elders Brothers Society has trespassed his own territory, and is selling drugs without their permission. If the Society were to find out that the don attacked however, the situation would develop into a full-fledged war,” the don believes.

They take Rin to the rooftop of a building, and the don asks her whether she can see what is happening on the top floor in the building across, to which Rin replies positively.

Rin reports that she sees a bald man with a young woman. A fellow mafia member criticises the man for having too much fun, while the don jests about how he’ll let the man have some enjoyment for it will be his last night on earth.

The don throws a rifle at Rin and offers her two choices: “I’ve already made you practise right? You have but two options: use that rifle to blast a whole in that old geezer’s head, or refuse and follow your friends.”

Rin remembers the desperate and frightened expressions of her deceased companions very well, the fear in her ringing through her entire body. 'Two choices’,  the don said, but it really was an impossible decision.

For better or for worse, the decision was already made for her, as the don lifted the rifle in her arms, whispering false reassurance into her ears.

“Don’t worry, the target is bigger than earrings this time. Just take your time to take aim, and press the trigger, that is all.” And with that a deafening bang pierced through the peaceful night.

10 years have passed, and we are brought to what seems to be a Chinese district in Limehouse - London. The Chinese district appears to be home for both comfort and decay, for business and addiction. The ultimate place where merchants thrived on the misery of victims.

Behind the scenes of a certain opium den, two members of the mafia are enjoying their break. One man complains about his fatigue for his hard work, but the other thinks the complaint is undue. “You are merely responsible for driving right? It was the owl who did all the work. She finished off five targets today!” To which another man praisess in kind: “The ultimate hawkeye is what people often call her. The infallible precision regardless of distance brings me in awe.”

“Right, Owl?” The man turns, and we see Rin sitting against the wall with fatigue and lifelessness in equal measure in her eyes. We don’t need to see the events of what had happened in the past decade to know that nothing but misery occurred in Rin’s life.

Rin’s eyes told the tragedy of an orphan who used her gift to get a living, transformed into a tool for spreading further suffering. It is anyone’s guess what Rin was thinking, but if one day she would decide that this empty carcass of hers is no longer worth preserving in exchange for other people’s lives, it would not have surprised me.

“Hey, you should eat too, it’s an incredible treat,” the man invited rin as he offered Rin a plate.

She was hungry after all, and decided to accept the man’s kindness. Only when she took a bite however, did she realise she had been had.

“Gyahahahaha, this one really was gnawing on my shoe, she really can’t see anything up close, huh!”

Rin was quite upset, but knew better than to be disappointed. What levels of lowness had she not witnessed before, after all?

The don of the mafia was less eager to join the laughter and put a stop to the teasing. Not out of compassion or anything as it seems, but simply because his mood had already been sullen for quite a while, as it appears.

As it turns out, the restrictions on opium and prostitution had tightened, and the profit turned from this business was only half of what it used to be a decade earlier.

“Bastard!” the don curses. “England is obviously profiting from its sales of opium to the entire world, ‘but now the world is changing, the circulation of opium must also be decreased’? How dare he say such ridiculous things with a straight face...? Damn the Queen’s dog!” He exclaims as he clenches his wrist around a letter with the Phantomhive logo printed on it.

When it seemed like the don’s mood could not sink even deeper, a henchman comes to deliver additional bad news. “Don, a message came from our fatherland, saying they are sending in another manager. It is a man who was originally in charge of the Bund in Shanghai, named Lau.”

“That lad who uses any means possible to climb upwards? I alone am enough to handle this business in England.” Being denied by both the English law as well as the decision makers in China, the don cannot help but feel his position threatened.

He blames the tightened regulations, but before he even finished his sentence he came to a new realisation. “No, it is ‘his’ control, and if that is the case...”

The don orders for his owl to set out for her next prey. “And what is that?” Rin asks. “The Queen’s Watchdog’s head of course! Finish off Earl Phantomhive!”

At last we return to our protagonists in the Phantomhive mansion.

“Young Master, a letter has arrived for you,” Sebastian announces. “From whom?” the young boy asks.

“My, from your dearest of course.”

With the roads between the Phantomhive household, Rin and Lau connected, this chapter ends.

I personally feel a level of excitement I have not felt in a long time reading ‘Kuroshitsuji’. The previous chapters build up towards an excitement, but none of them really hit that glorious button for me.

Chapter 159 however, managed to hit the button right on its head!

So far, Rin is probably not really used to being met with much resistance as her victims would never even have suspected her eyes had already been set on them before meeting their sudden demise. The Phantomhive household however, is clearly different.

How will Sebastian prevent the head-shot aimed for his master? Will he snatch the bullet from midair, or will he notice Rin’s presence even before she pulls the trigger?

The development that ultimately hyped me up is the introduction of Lau as the replacement for the obstacle O!Ciel was succeeding in removing. As we see from the flashback, he wore his hair in the traditional Qing Dynasty style: the queue.

Hair is something considered a sacred symbol full of emotional significance in traditional Chinese culture. Cutting the hair is one of the ultimate taboos; a blasphemy almost.

Cutting the hair bore many terrifying meanings as long hair stood for a person’s legitimacy and familial legacy. Cutting off one’s hair was a penalty for minor crimes, for example. Cutting your own hair however was an altogether different taboo, as it signified breaking off all ties with your family, to even cursing your parents to death. (Yes, though so epic, that scene where Mulan cuts her hair was one of Disney’s biggest mess-ups ( ´艸｀))

When China was forced to westernise and adopt the ‘civilised short hairstyle for men’, it was the greatest humiliation for many.

What happened to Lau that he would cut off his queue, and wear his hair in a short crop for the current timeline? Was his hair cut by someone else, or did he take the scissors in his own hands? Did he do so on his own volition, or was he forced to do so to prove a point?

How did Lau feel about his cut hair, and how did that change him?

I am very thrilled to find out both about Rin’s encounter with the Phantomhive household, and Lau’s backstory.

I signed up for Meyrin’s backstory, but am I going to get Lau’s as a bonus?