#we couldnt do last week bc she was a sick

[fyrewalks]

why is scheduling plans with your friends when your adults so hard

[keo-k]

sometimes i think i wasnt an injury-prone child and then i realise im gaslighting myself

tw: fair descriptions of injury?? if you dont like blood uhh dont read <3 this is just me reminiscing on being a child who thinks they cannot feel. pain. sorry if its incoherent im very sick and life feels like a fever dream and i did not sleep last night! this is so diary-entry-core TLDR i had a lot of random injuries and a few medical mysteries.

i keep looking at the middle of my chest like "man where the fuck did i get this scar from" and then i remember this one childhood day where i was filled with hubris and slid down a chain in a playground and my skin tore from under my shirt and i started bleeding terribly ill also occasionally look at the permanent callouses on my hands and remember running down a hill at full speed, followed by rolling down a hill at full speed, crashing into rocky concrete, looking down at my hands and being utterly terrified because they're entirely covered in blood???? its all red??????? also spinning on the biggest rock in the rock garden in front of my house after a friend's birthday party blowing bubbles when i lose my footing and land chin-first into the sharpest rock there, getting blood all over my favourite party dress and having to go to the ER for 6 hours and getting, not stitches, but glue. yeowie. i scratched most of the scar off somehow, just tearing the skin off my face because i didnt like the texture. its still kind of there if you look at the right angle. being in gymnastics class, doing beat swings on the high bars, thinking "whey my hands hurt im gonna drop and get some chalk (for some reason. its not like i was slipping i was just yeowch)", dropping down, looking at my hands and LO AND BEHOLD three inches of the skin beneath my ring finger on both hands is sticking up stupid vertical ! i couldnt use my hands too good for the next two weeks, also the skin sticking up WAS NOT DEAD so i couldnt trim it without feeling excruciating pain. like cutting your ear off :( not really a "when i was younger" thing, still valid now, but i have hyper mobility so im stupid flexible. especially in my ankles! like i cant do sports without wearing ankle braces on both legs. even that cannot save me sometimes, i still die. anyway my mum thought i was a piece of shit and was faking my ankle injuries bc the limping would last like. a whole month wowie! then we realised i just have bad joint. also i can hit the splits anywhere without stretching, i can walk on the literal sides of my ankles (not like. the sides of my feet no no no. go even further beyond.), i can fold my fingers backwards into silly lookin curls without any pain and keep them there no issue, and i have gotten many MANY greenstick fractures even after my bones developed a lot because my bones soft and refuse to break like a normal persons. like my basketball coach will bend my leg back to test how far it goes and i wont feel any pain and he'll say like. "oh thats waaaay too far back to be safe." and ill laugh because it can go WAY further back! and i hate it !

BONUS: ME BEING A MEDICAL MYSTERY WOOOOO up to age 8 i would have these ... seizures? all throughout the night. i would shake super aggressively and it wouldnt wake me up. my mum filmed it one night when she finally caught it on video (she would stay up HOURS ON END trying to catch it. wild). the shaking would start like a twitching at my fingers and would travel to my hand, to my arm, to the rest of my body and youd think i got fucking electrocuted. anyway she showed it to doctors and they brought me in immediately to scan my brain for fuck knows what and they didnt. find anything? like my brain activity was completely normal. they didnt let me out of hopital for a week cus theyre like "THIS ISNT NORMAL SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THIS KID" but. womp womp. we never found out. i dont shake anymore but i do shmove a lot. like, a lot a lot. and im always tired and im capable of falling asleep standing up. and have minor chronic fatigue. also i had a bullseye-type thingy on my thigh that really, REALLY looked like a tick bite! i was in immense amounts of pain and couldnt properly walk. there was a dot in the middle, and this surrounding ring of red would expand and shrink overtime. very reasonable to think of it as a tick bite. anyway my parents carried me out to the car in the middle of the night so we could go to sick kids. they measured how much the ring would expand by (i dont remeber number. it was beeg.) and then they sent me to the ER out of the concern that i would get lyme disease. they tested me or something idk i was unconcious and. IT WASNT A TICK BITE! you may be asking "so what was it, mr gorgeous fish?" um. well heres why this is in the 'medical mystery' section. they never found out. it went away a day later and we were just like "ah. okay." so. whoops. when i was a toddler they put me in an mri thing where they uh. strapped me down because toddlers usually freak out and damage the mri thingy? anyway. was in there for two hours. and i did not freak out. at all. i was asleep for one of the hours, but the second one i just laid there very awake and very still and the doctors thought i had brain. damage. i didnt! yay ! i also have many chronic illness now. weeeee i probably missed a lot of my stories here but anyway. heres me being silly

[bunnyb34r]

I got snaaaacks 🍿🥤

Not as expensive as I thought like $10 for a small popcorn and small icee, but that's more than the price of a matinee so yknow 🤷‍♀️

Was very good though sgdgdgd think I'll do the order ahead pick up in theater thing if I get snacks again, but I only ate like half the bag agdgdggd big ass bag for a small and tiiiiiny cup for a small icee

Anyway the movie was really good! I forgot spiderman is marvel though 😬 but I used my movie credit so I didn't pay for it. Still though...

Anyway really liked it, really liked the casting and story. Didn't end the way I thought it would tbh. I'll put my spoilers under the cut. Sat second farthest row back bc getting snacks took so long that the end seats were already taken in the row I picked and I didnt wanna make someone get up especially when the theater was so sparsely filled anyway like it's not REALLY assigned seating (unless you order stuff to your seat)

But! I could see the screen a lot better and I didn't need my ear plugs even with it being a loud action movie so that's a plus! Fun little trip all around :)

Oh! And guess what trailer was playing when I came in. Guess. :)

Imaginary. I fucking hate those trailers 😭 stop making me see Chauncey 😭 hes not even cute!! And Alice sobbing at the end makes me saaaaad having seen the other trailer

AND Tarot looks really fucking good even if I haaaate horror movies. Like the premise that whatever card you picked is responsible for your death (I think that's it, I'll have to look it up) is really cool (couldnt help but think of stardust crusaders 😅 I'm like 👀 what does the Hierophant do? 👀 like we saw the hermit, the high priestess, the hanged man (kinda??) Like what else... let me see without watching the whole movie and being paranoid for a week like horror always makes me 😭) anyway I think it's the first 12 cards and 13, death, was the last one tying their fate I THINK. Anyway idk if I'll see that 😬 but it's funny bc I remember when Ouija came out I tried to convince my friends to skip school with me and go see it but no ones parents would let them call out sick but mine sgdggdgd my mom was like whatever just let me know if your friends take you to the movies (they did not.) Anyway I picked that bc it looked cool and they liked horror, and I think this is the same "franchise" same director

The creepy rhyme of the rules was cool sgdgdgd

Spoilers for Madame Web under the cut ⬇️

So it's a prequel to spiderman! I didn't know that! We got to see Uncle Ben becoming Uncle Ben, and he didn't just have like a short cameo like he was apart of the story which was cool, I liked that.

The "hints" that theres gonna be more involving her and the girls looks cool. Maybe I'll see em when marvel stops being shitty fuckers. (So likely online... for free. (; )

I wish Ezekiel didn't die in the end (he's super super dead lol) bc he was a cool villain! I really liked his character and he had a lot of potential! I wonder if that's gonna play a part in the upcoming series, like if he's somehow alive again (probably not). I might look up free scans of the comics later bc I really like Julia, shes so cute agdgdgd I mean I like them all but I like Julia's spider-sona the best

I liked the overall idea and plot, though the Las Arachas (I think that's how you spell it) scared the fucking shit out of me sgdgdgdggdgd I was like oh that's a cool legend, wonder if it's real. Have to look that up later. OH SHIT

Also glad they didn't kill the mom, I thought they did bc they didnt even like move Cassie closer when her mom was reaching for her??? Hello??? Asshole??

Also shout out to customer who called in the girl's sighting, even though it led Ezekiel to them, way to not be a bystander 🤙

Also nitpicky thing but I wish Cassie had given the girls a count when she taught them CPR, I remember we needed to count (1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4... or something) over and over when we learned it, or tell them to use the beat of Staying Alive (could've easily gotten the rights... then make a joke ab them not knowing that song bc haha Cassie old)

Mainly just wish they didnt kill him, like that would have been such a good "oh I'll be back. Just you wait" type villian! I mean I get it, he would stop at nothing to kill em but like come ooon

Anyway highly recommend seeing this... online ;] ;) bc marvel is shit

[psykoz]

ok so some things that have happened at my job

- coworker said the r slur in front of me, a few others, and one of the front end managers. manager says nothing to stop it and in fact jusf laughs and agree w the overall statement (halloween costumes looked [r-slur]ed). this is significantly worse as not only am i (not openly at work for fear but pretty obviously) autistic, but the field we are working in is specifically with seniors with a specific type of mental and intellectual disability

- person who hired and trained me and is an assistant, also higher position not a manager technically but on the management team, learns i dont celebrate xmas thru an email i willingly send, totally fine. but days later, unprompted and unrelated, she str8 up asks why i dont celebrate and i feel the need to reveal some inkling of religious beliefs which i really do not want to do

- literally wont tell me half of the things i need to do/not do until after i fucked up anr get reprimanded. they never told me what the callout policy was, until after i recieved a write up for breaking it. they didnt tell me a security feature for someone had been updated, until i almost messed up SECURITY and a coworker had to tell me it had been changed. theres more but pointing out every time would get tedious and repetitive

- already blamed me once for having "too many missed calls" despite every one of those missed calls having been before my start time or after i am meant to clock out, some even having come past midnight or before 6am when im still hours away from even needing to be getting ready to clock in, outright admitting that it was more likely because their phone system isnt patching back to the after hour line, or after hours people are just not picking up the phone. and still called me in for a full 8 hour "training" shift where i spent well over 75% of the day sitting, not working OR training and thinking abt how much shit i needed to get done in my personal life and how wasteful this was, because of something out of MY control when im not even fucking clocked in.

- my bosses have all been on at least one vacation in the 3 months ive been here. despite being called, verbatim, "the last line of defense" and being in charge of peoples lives, having to potentially de escalate an angry senior if i tell them they arent allowed outside, and having to be around people that are dying at least one person every week or 2, i get no benefits and no chance to even accrue vacation or sick time. i would have never accepted a job with not benefits or sick or leave if they had explained to me the full scope of the stressors i have dealt with. i know for a fact my ptsd has gotten more severe after this job and i went thru a traumatic experience that i wont talk abt bc it was out of the hands of my job tbf, they couldnt have stopped it from happening, but i have still been exposed to multiple deaths and one event ive been unable to stop thinking about and fearing. they have never suggested grief counseling is available to any employee

- sometimes they put up fliers for mandatory meetings/trainings without sending any text/email about it. this sucks for so many reasons. i just may not see them, i have multiple disorders that give me memory issues so having a reminder on my phone would be helpful, qnd the worst of all: they have put up fliers on a day i wasnt working for a mandatory meeting, on a day i wasnt working, and i did not have another shift until 2 days AFTER the meeting that i didnt even know happened bc they didnt bother to let me know despite me being physically unable to see fliers if im NOT THERE.

[jerek]

alright. bonus lore time. i literally never thought anyone was cringe if i ever had a problem w u it was ALWAYS about wrathion.

since fall 2021 ive developed a new talent which is my cortisol randomly spiking and making my stomach too acidic which can and has made me vomit 10 times in a day and put me in ER-level pain and i think it has something to do with the lil polycule of rpers i was with back then.

roster was, iirc (at the time)

26 y/o male / nb

38 y/o female

mid 20s male

mid 20s nb

early 20s female

19 y/o me

18 year old nb

26 year old was the one who made the discord, roleplayed anduin, the rest of us were literally self shippers with ocs. (except me i played sylvanas)

was a SHIT ton of wranduin in there!!! i'm not evil though so i put up with it. i asked once can they please stop putting wrathion porn in there, they were like "thats cool bro i respect your triggers" and put it in a different channel still accessible for the girlies who love to trigger themselves.

so like. heres where the mysterious food poisoning came in. when i say 'dissociative' i may not mean DID as diagnosed by a trained professional after 15-20 tests but like. i couldnt even express to a therapist how shit i felt bc i was not consistently the same type of person between appointments. if you make me come in every week, next week i will not remember why i felt the way i felt last week. i'll vaguely remember what i said, but she's not me anymore lol.

and sometimes it's THAT, the true saint norman experience, sometimes it's possession (thinking other people's thoughts) and sometimes it's dreaming but girl SOMETIMES it manifests as like.

Imagine going up to norman bates and telling him he cares too much about his sick, declining, codependent mom.

Me but when you smack Wrathion I feel it. He's a metaphor for me. I think in his voice. I damn near pray to him ig, being a mormon I can tell you he is the only reason ive ever felt 'the spirit.'

Cringe? Yes!!!!! Out of my control? Yeah 😭

There is no center to my being. i dont identify as anything. i'm not the name my parents gave me, but i am the characters i use to puppet out whatever emotions. Internet sexting for so long has eaten away at my boundaries so much there is no longer any reason for her (who i was born as) to exist or for me to relate to her.

Rping in that group gave me so much dopamine I couldn't sleep, consistently had the feeling that my stomach muscles were splitting down the center, migraines. Literal food poisoning symptoms. It was really fun still!!!!!

And then when the wrathion shit happened like. Whispers of nzoth in the back of my brain started tickling my self defense instincts for no reason. No reason bc I had put up with literally everything including the wrathion shit, the only difference was I personally didn't enjoy wrathion porn.

I knew I was irrational. Not liking a certain type of porn is one thing, I was fighting off the old gods trying not to start some shit.

Prob shoulda communicated! Communicating last time gave me a trigger myself button though. Literally the [triggered] meme.

Eventually you get the feeling that shit is going down the drain whether you like it or not. The rp's stopped, everyone's switched to FF and your laptop can't run it. It's all just kinks, someone posting once or twice a day with "imagine li-li stormstout [redacted]" getting reacted with 😏 emojis.

So I posted screenshots bc I knew the other half of the world, the one with everyone else in it, would feel as alienated as I did. I'm back in 2015 as a 13 y/o dominatrix prude and I want the feeling of 'we know what's wrong' I got from the ER. Literally went to sleep 5 minutes later because I knew I'd be guillotined.

I wake up and I have no idea why I did that. It's been years since I tore off the chunk of me that will do literally anything to be included, those two halves don't communicate anymore.

But shit's fucked now!!

It was always about wrathion. Literally always about my shitass fixation on blizzard's favorite 7 year old to unbutton the shirt on. Girl why

[anandasamsara]

so, im a little bit terrified rn

my parents just trew a bomb at me, so in 2 months max i have to start paying the installments of the apartment mom bought

dad says he has no money left, i know mom doesnt, but i also dont

when we bought the place, dad promised to pay what was left, bc we couldnt pay it upfront bc mom paid a debt HE had of 28k, tha didnt even help us bc that wasnt the only debt dad has

we also had to spend A LOT of money bc he got sick, and in the end the problem wasnt even that big, but we spent 10k more on it

all the while we, mom and i, left our own health go to shit bc his was more urgent

he went to his school last week to see if they would have an opening for him for next year (public school), but they said they wont, so what he did?? he went to the psychiatrist THE DAY AFTER and got another medical leave. which means his salary will drop 50% and he cant try to get another school to teach at bc no one will take a teacher who's on medical leave

he has an actual job with an actual salary, but now the responsibility is all on me, who gets less than minimum wage and is trying to get my disability legally diagnosed

i've already told my boss to hold onto my october salary so she can pay me a full month on november, which means i have no money all of october and cant even go on site, ill have to work from home the whole month

and i have other things going on, two conventions on weekends that i have no idea how to go to now. still have to buy more material even to take printing commissions

and i have to deal with daily fights, mom saying i need a real job all the time and that what i do doesnt count, and i havent managed to get an interview to anything, i had two in 4 years and then nothing

my friends keep sending me interview tips and such, but they mean nothing if i cant even get one

some other friends asked me if there was nothing i could sell to make some fast money, but the only thing i have is this computer and i need it for work

i dont have enough privacy to try to sell fucking pics on fucking only fans, no one buys my art, i cant count on help from my own family bc my fucking godmother thinks all of us live like her with a 10k salary and npthing to spend it on, so she makes a credit card for her fucking cats but wont help her only niece

and after all that, i went to a party to see some friends today and i realized i have no friends, no one talked to me, i was fully excluded from all conversations and only talked to another friend who showed up unnanouced with his angel of a girlfrend, and even they noticed no one was talking to me and that feels humiliating after everything ive been through

and then i have to question myself if everything is so bad or if im being dramatic and nothing is wrong beyond me, and if iim the oly thing thats wrong how can i fix it

[thegraveyardjohnsongrey]

Just another Wednesday

Cadens tiny fingers, him being so quick at walking! Well -  stomping around quickly and with his right arm high up for balance 

He is so cute (and hefty!!!!!!!)

“What if I could live without fear?”

FT w Calvin - Calvin called me today. And so (me being me and wanting to answer friends’ calls whenever possible)- we talked about for about an hour and a half (our usual for us on a good day and when when our schedules allow). He was venting to me about how things are pretty tough with his ma right now and how she’s always on him about his weight and dental school apps. I couldnt help but feel wawa for him and everything he was saying about his mom. I The pressure of everything and trying to find your own balance when hone isn’t helping

It def gave me perspective for me and my own fam (and how pretty good I have it - and that i want to show my mom & das appreciation of what they do fit me 

Although I can relate to Calvin for sure- in terms of wanting to assert my boundaries and feel that they respect them th

Pool w josh!!!

I still think it’s crazy how cam is out and able to have these convos. lol. Like that’s wild!!

This time around IF YOU MUST KNOW, professionally I am now officially working on my Law School applications and- as of late last night- am signed up to do my NALA Skills Exam (Take 2!). Im not gonna lie, it was a weird feeling returning to it all and opening my NALA account and re-visiting my rubric from July. It was like opening something up from ages ago, and I couldnt help but feel really bittersweet- bc I knew how much this hurt me when it happened. On that same note, however, Im happy that a large part of me has healed and that enough time has passed where I can re-approach with this with a different energy and drive. I so have more hope this time around. Not in me necessarily passing or getting what I want - but in coping with what will be. I think one of the coolest things that ive realized like in the past 2 weeks is that: when it comes to the NALA exam, when it comes to LSAT, etc. —— im realizing how big of a role fear and pressure has played in my journey of those two things.

Note to self: Free yourself of every expectation on you and just live for what you can do. 

This time around, I’m not succumbing to fears of not doing well. Cuz I already did that

LMFAO

and ya know what I learned?

That i survived. 

I survived the “worst” possible scenarios and yet. 

I’m still here. Im still here. Im still that Btch. And still sick as ever.

And so yeah. 

Imma go into this, this time better - and having been someone who has endured the “worst”. And still arriving on the other side of it in tact and with the same amount of family and friends and love and support that I did before. I’m not letting my fear hold me back from where I’m meant to go. And whether that is to fail again or to actually pass, I know it will be where I’m meant to be. And that’s just what it is. Shoutout to us, and for learning the importance of failing and falling. No quality person comes from a place of zero failure. Also… is it weird that I’ve been feeling like this ..inactive artist or washed out actor from a show that ended 3 years ago? Lmao Like I feel like someone who has been away from their craft for so long 

ND ITS BC I HAVENT FOUND MY NEW GROOVE!!!! (Lol not me liking myself to the most Leo person alive in Disney - Emperor Kuzco). Well anyway, like Normani, Im happy to have had an explosive debut in 2018, a fun run in 2019, and a quiet 2020. Im not sure if 2021 will be the year where “everything happens” for me, but im excited to see where my planning and hard work goes into 2022. For me, that’s law school and for Normani, quirl, well. That’s a dam album lmao . To slow, progressive, and intentional growth!!!!!! Normani gurl, we both gonna make it!!!!!!!!!!! 3.31.21

[abcdosaka]

i have not posted on here in a while. idk various things have happened. but heres the most recent stuff.

this is sorta fresh (literally 2 days ago) but im mostly over it i think? i made a hinge account and briefly talked to this girl and i liked talking to her but i think i just dont know how to rizz someone up, or maybe ik and i dont have the courage to do it so i gotta play nice girl from the start. and i think our second phone call i was just kinda lacking in energy and i wasn’t texting her too often either. but at the end of it she was like lets just be friends going forward.

i havent really had any experiences before, like real ones where i was the one initiating everything, so it hurt, kinda like getting rejected for a job interview. i was like ig im just not outgoing or funny or charming enough but damn we talked like twice on the phone, we never even met up, that quick huh.

tbh i think i initiated slightly more and she was less interested and she also made it pretty clear she wasnt sure about getting into a relationship. idk its not worth analyzing. we do have a lot of similar tastes but if she wants to be friends she has to initiate and i might blow her off anyway i dont feel like talking to her anymore lol. or maybe ill respond but just really slowly. ik its giving nice guy/friendzoned. ehhh i might respond she was nice/friendly enough i just need time to get over it fully. i think this is a lets see how im feeling in a week situation. to be fair sometimes good friendships pop up out of bad experiences for me like i thought D was a huge dick when i first met him but we got along well for the time we knew each other

idk i would rather have someone who knows what they want and is certain about it too. but in the first place i dont even want to talk to ppl like its such a hassle texting randoms multiple days in a row. i got a couple other likes and i just ignored them. ive ghosted two ppl bc i just was sick of the texting going nowhere.

tbh i think im just sad bc my ego’s a little bruised. but idk that happens to me easily like applying for a job sucks and it hurts to get rejected and having a job kinda sucks too but its required. relationships, kinda the same but i dont think its required? they never seemed that great or fun or loving to me, prob bc my parents hated each other for 90% of my childhood. even when i see relationships in fiction im like oh cute but idk if i really need that.

im more upset that i dont really have anyone to talk to about this stuff. and im upset s didnt wanna meet over reading week. like besties for 10 years but you couldnt free up a space for me even tho i asked like 3 weeks ago. idk if i can even call us besties. i used to be so insecure abt what kinda friendship we had but now im kinda sick of this. maybe i should ask. i kinda hate feeling needy or sounding clingy though. idk i was pretty friendly in my response

she didnt even receive it T_T

idk she hasnt responded to any messages frequently for the past month so shes probably really busy but ugh i fucking hate this. i just wish she’d check in for once like “hey sorry ive just been really busy the past month and havent had the energy or time to respond but hopefully ill have some time soon”. cuz the thing is its kinda typical of her to flake/be distant/antisocial. like after we graduated hs she ignored my messages for a month and she promised not to do that again. and when we hung out for the last time before i moved for uni she overslept and i think shes done that two or three times since. its really frustrating when we dont get to see each other than often. so if i ask her its gonna be like this is an isolated incident but its not and im prob not gonna see her again after i graduate uni bc i wanna move across the country. and we almost never call bc everytime i ask she doesnt want to. i think thats just her hating calling but how tf else are we supposed to stay in contact when we live in different cities??? and texting for hours on end is fking annoying? same difference ik a bit hypocritical there but also, calling means u can multitask but texting means u have to focus solely on texting unless you wanna respond every 2 hours or even worse, every 5 minutes, theres no flow unless you pay full attention to texting.

and the thing that sucks even harder. is that we had a mutual friend, j, who was her BESTIE for middle school and almost all of highschool. (i had a crush on this chick btw but never told her and i kinda stopped talking to her in senior year). and j did the same fucking thing like she decided she didnt wanna talk to people she knew before highschool anymore and basically just slowly cut s out of her life. and s was so upset abt it she told me abt it a lot

see the thing is if i do confront her about ALL of this, i  think its gonna go the worst way possible. like we will slowly drift apart and im gonna lose my closest friend who probably doesnt even consider me at least one of her closest friends. and then im fucked. i mean im not fucked but im starting from ground zero.its really hard not having someone you know you can rely on. altho maybe shes not the most reliable and ive been coping by pretending im independent and dont need anyone for emotional shit. maybe im just catastrophizing. like on one hand, i truly am unsure enough abt our friendship that idk if she’d make an effort after i move real far. but on the other hand i am a known pessimist and i suck at this people bullshit. so idk if i should ask or not.

ugh i shouldnt have wrote this. i was like “if i go in depth on this post i wont be able to stop and then im gonna cry and i dont wanna cry. i should try to keep it light.” like lol. at least it was good practice for typeracer. im gonna do one race and go to sleep. this is frustrating

[harryfeatgaga]

okay so I need advice but honestly mostly this is just me ranting bc i don't think there's much I can do in this situation 😭 basically last year i took chemistry and that class fucking sucked it was so hard and confusing and there was this girl in my class that i kind of knew, but I wasn't like friends with her or anything i just vaguely knew her from other classes. but she sat across from me in the lab so we talked sometimes and did the worksheets together bc they were confusing. then she started texting me after class and asking me if I had finished the worksheet and if I could show her one of my answers. I said yes a few times bc I felt bad for her since she had been sick at the beginning of the semester and missed a few classes and stuff so i just sent her a picture of that answer.

then she would ask me to send her the homework answers or the pre lab quizzes answers and i ignored her as much as possible but she would just text me over and over and I didn't want to be super mean bc I had to work with her every time we had a lab! so I sent her stuff sometimes but then she started asking me to like write down all the answers on the exam and send it to her and that was when i was like "um absolutely not" bc that teacher was fucking insane with her lockdown browsers and webcams and i wasn't trying to get in trouble 😭

but then the class was over and I was like oh well I'll never have to deal with her again. then a few days ago she texted me saying "omg we have microbiology together do you want to be lab partners???" and i couldnt rlly say no bc I don't know anyone else in the class and it's a group of like 10 people so i couldn't rlly hide from her or anything lol. so I said yes and now she's doing the same thing 😭 she texted me asking if I had done the assignment that was due that night and i ignored her but then she asked if there was anything else due that night (like why would i know, look it up yourself?) and I felt like i should answer so I said yes I had and literally offered to look at one of the questions with her if she was confused but she said "no that's fine can you just send me a picture of yours?" and I said i wasn't comfortable doing that, but she did not take no for an answer and she was like "please it's due really soon" and I again offered to help if there was one she was confused on but she just kept asking for a picture of my work 😭 then I lied and said I was so scared to get in trouble for cheating bc I had a friend who got in huge trouble for doing that last semester and she said "oh don't worry it won't be similar to yours I'll change my answers" and i was like no???? literally just no??????? and she was basically begging me and i just kept saying no it was so horrible and embarrassing 😭

and like I don't even think i should feel bad bc this class is literally so easy. like it sounds like it would be hard but the teacher is absolutely amazing and she's so helpful like literally if you email her saying "I understand this but I'm a little confused here" she'll just give you the answers 😭 and it's not my problem that this girl procrastinated for 3 days so she didn't have time to ask the teacher for help! like get it together bestie... anyways idk what to do here bc I think she's just going to keep asking 😭 and I don't want to report her bc I'm not trying to like ruin her life or get her kicked out of college, and also i did give her answers last year so she could definitely snitch and get me in trouble if i told the teacher but like idk how to deal with this 😭 and I can't just block her and ignore her bc we have to work together two days a week in the lab and i don't want her to be like hostile lol I'm just very stressed and hate this very much

Can I just say I had no idea asks could be this long 😭😭😭 FJDKSKSKS but ummm yeah that’s a very tricky situation I’m sorry I would just be straight up with her like hey you need to do work too and learn it I can’t be giving you every answer it’s not gonna help you in the long run I’ll help you if you miss class etc but y’all are partners it’s a group effort

[kcnnarys]

.

[ziam-is-golden]

Lots of love and keep well!

Stay inside

Wash your hands! (Don’t forget to use protective hand lotion afterwards)

[imqueenloki]

pairing: angry dominant peter parker x fem!reader

word count: 1882

warning: chocking and swearing

authors note: i'm really proud of this :)

my pov:its been 6 months since dad moved the avengers up-state, its been fun for the most part although since peter moved in a couple weeks back its been a nightmare

my pov:

its been 6 months since dad moved the avengers up-state, its been fun for the most part although since peter moved in a couple weeks back its been a nightmare. me and peter never really have rlly gotten along, he's just so... ugh. he's always making a racket, never cleaning up after himself and dont even get me started on the time i found his web juice, whatever the fuck it is on my towel. the only reason i put up with him is bc dad makes me bc he happens to see potential in the kid. although i can say one good thing about him, he is extremly good looking but god i will never ever tell anyone that.

peters pov:

moving in with mr. stark and the avengers has been a dream come true. i finally feel like i am one of them! recently, i met mr. starks daughter, y/n, i think her name was. we dont really speak much, she isnt the nicest person in the house, shes always moaning at me and calling me a slob, and gosh you dont even want to hear the mouthful i got off her when i was testing my new web shooters, never again is all i can say.

storyline:

the house was silent, it was around 9:00pm and not a single word, so quiet you could hear a penny drop. everyone was sat downstairs playing a not so friendly game of monopoly, although peter was no where to be found.

tony: where the darn hell is parker?

y/n: *shrugs* god knows... *sighs* oh well, whos turn was it?

tony simply shook his head and sat down, pulling his phone out. he decided to message peter as he was growing concern. y/n looks over at her dad and can see the worry on his face and put her hand on his shoulder.

*CRASH*

tony: what the hell was that?!

everyone rushed into the kitchen when we hear the sound. too nobodys suprise it was peter crashing through the window. there was glass everywhere and he even had some shards in his face. peters suit was completly messed up.

y/n: what the fuck parker!

tony: where have you been! actually let me reword that, what the hell happened!

peter: im sorry mr. stark, i was just trying to do some training with my new web modes and well... one of the modes didnt go where i shot it and well.. here i am.

tony: *sighs* cap, get someone to clean this up will you, and y/n help parker clean up?

y/n: why? this wasnt my doing!

tony: do you want that new suit or not!?

my pov:

since i turned 18 last year, my dad has been working on a new suit for me. when i was little he never really gave me a choice to join the avengers or not, let alone barely even mentioning it. i dont have a problem with joining its just i find it a little soon, you know? and yes im completly aware that parker is 18 and an avenger but thats exacly why he is in this situation, he just isnt ready in my opinion. the more i have put thought into becoming the newest avenger i grow more and more excited, although my opinion on it hasnt changed. my dad is aware of this which is why he uses my new suit as a black mail card.

*back to storyline*

y/n lets out an angry sigh while running her tounge along her teeth, she simply looks peter up and down and shrugs her head to one side signaling him to follow. you take him to your bathroom and grab a damp towel, while parker sits on the counter. you begin to wipe blood off of his cheek.

peter: *hisses in pain*

y/n: oh dont be a wimp i though you had super strength?

peter: still hurts!

yn: shush *grabs her tweezers and removes the shards of glass from his face*

peter: *rolls his eyes and pushes you away* i dont need ur help, im fine.

you become shocked by the small bit of dominance that he showed, and little did he know you liked it. you had never seen the angry side of parker before, it kinda turned you on alittle bit.

y/n: sit the fuck down, my dad told me to help you so thats what the fuck i intend to do.

peter: *goes to grab the towel from your hand but grabs your wrists instead and brings you closer*

you interlocked eyes. the sound of him panting in pain but anger filled the room. you got lost in his eyes as a puddle began to form inbetween your legs, you knew what was happening but little to your surprise you liked it, and by the fact he hasnt let go or stopped looking at you, you can tell he does too.

my pov:

parker still hadnt taken his eyes off of me.

y/n: you gonna let go orrrr?

although i was enjoying the tense moment, i couldnt let him know that, therefore i had to say something. he finally let go of my wrist and jumped off the counter. you could see the anger in his face, but why?

y/n: whats up with ur face?

peter: really? whats up with my face? im sick and tired of being treated like a kid!

y/n: you just crashed through a window, you really expect my dad to trust you fully right about now? *sighs* you should take a shower, you smell like shit.

peter nods and begins to take off his shirt. 'wow not in he.. *mumbles* damn' i say as he throws his shirt down, you did not expect him to have a body like that. you can tell he was agressive. he had slashes down his chest, they looked really painful. i decided to walk up to him and run my hand just under one of the cuts as he looks down at me still heavily breathing. he hissed at me in pain. he lifted my head up by my chin and kissed me. i pulled back and just looked at him. i craved more, so more is what i got.

he picked me up and as i wrapped my legs around his waist he started to kiss me even harder. he sat me on top of the counter and started to remove my shirt. he kissed my neck leaving kickeys all the way around it, minor moans into his ears drove him crazy. he unbuckled my bra and threw it onto the ground along with his belt. i reached into his boxers and began rubbing his member. he was massive, 10 inches, maybe even 11. groans of pleasure filled the room which made me go even faster. 'fuck y/n' he said.

he wrapped his hand aroud my throat and began kissing me once again. the puddle in my pants had become the ocean. i dont know what it was in that moment that made me gag for him. i wanted him, i needed him and then... i had him.

i jumped down off of the counter and got onto my knees exposing his member. it was just as big as it felt. i licked the tip, teasing him as i looked up to see him looking down on me, with his hand all wrapped in my hair. i took all that i could into my mouth still pumping where i couldnt reach. his groans go even louder as he tilted his head back in pleasure. i could feel his member throbing in my mouth. he pushed my head all the way down, deep throating him, my eyes filled with tears and mascara running down my face. he kept me there for a few seconds and released his load into my throat then releasing my head. 'swallow it' he said. i nodded and did as i was told.

he demanded for me to stand up, as i did so he pushed me into the shower and turned it on. he had no remorse for anything he was doing but i was completely into it. he bent me over, with my hand on the wall and smacked my ass. i let out a little wimper from the impact of the smack. 'i wanna hear your moans, you hear me?!' he said in a demanding tone 'yes parker' i replied. i had clearly replied in the wrong was since he smacked my ass even haarder than the first time and slammed his member into me without warning 'thats not my name you slut' he groaned. he slammed his dick in and out of me making me scream out in pleasure. cuss words, moans and the word daddy filled the room as peter fucked me senselessly. 'im g-gonna c-cum' i said between moans. peter pushed my head down and demaned me to hold it.

he pulled out of me, and lifted me onto his shoulders face forward with my pussy in his face. he began eating me out... oh my god what that mouth could do. he layed me down on the shower floor and flipped me over into the doggy position and slammed into me yet again. 'fuck your so tight baby' he groaned pumping in and out of me. he made me feel so good it was diificult not to let out a moan or two. he pushed my head down once again and restrained my arms behind me using them to help him go deeper. i wasnt used to such dominance but i was into it, especially not from peter. 'im g-gonna cum' i said yet again and he agreed. the knot in my sotmach became unbearable, i came all over his member and a few moments later he let out his load inside of me which i didnt mind as i had the contraceptive implant. i attempted to stand up but instantly fell back to the floor. peter was the first person to make me cum let alone make me unable to walk after sex. he picked me up and put me on the counter. 'im sorry for the dominance, it kind of just takes over' he said as his face grew into a frown. i lifted his head back up and simply told him i loved it and that he was the first to make me cum and temporaily paralytic which made his face glow.

tony: y/n! have you cleaned him up yet?!

y/n: omg my dad! i completely forgot!

we quickly put out clothes back on and thankfully we did it in the shower meaning he was now clean.

y/n: yes dad!

peter: yes mr. stark!

me and peter let out a giggle as we had gotten away with nobody hearing a thing. peter pecked my lips and unlocked the door. my feelings towards peter had changed ever since.

[jayflrt]

ahhhh i think tumblr ate it but i was just saying how i noticed deceit was released and i'll use as motivation when i finish some big tests this week (i will literally start reading it the second i hand in my last test on friday)

and omg manifesting the digipacks for you !🕯

cb shows for me are usually either at like 4/5am (depending on daylight savings) or 8/9am which is when i need to be in school at so </3 there's enough clips going around for me to know the main parts tho so im not too worried abt missing them haha 😅 DURING THE SUMMER THO i make sure to watch it (since i only dont sleep at normal hours then anyways ahsjjf) i watched tbz's cb show for thrill ride and maverick ✨️ thought they were on naver live so the video was like vertical and i didnt like that 👎

well besides the tests i have this week im doing pretty well! i also recently joined my school's prom committee so we're planning for that and its very exciting since it'll be the first in person even we can host since the pandemic 😭! (i also need to find a prom dress and i dont want to break the bank yet in case there's a world tour or smth)

i also just saw the multiple cases of plagiarism and it genuinely upsets me so much how people cant respect other's intellectual property (it also freaking happens like every week in here or smth like what 😭😭) but that last one was rly fishy bc they found it so fast;;; it rly sometimes does feel like people just do it on purpose for fun with a new blog and make people feel like shit and just deactivate and thats so 👺👺 its just a low move like have people rly not. have anything better to do 😭

AND ITS MONDAY boooo (well tuesday since its past midnight for me) lets hope the rest of the week can go on peacefully 🤧 i hope everything else is well on your end too (besides the situation mentioned above)

- 🌻

I THINK IT DID EAT IT :((( because im seeing the wrong number in my ask box for the number of asks i can see in it,, like it won't show up even tho there's supposed to be more :(( AHH GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR TESTS THO 🤧 SCREW DECEIT IT CAN WAIT <333 so does that mean your exams are over tomorrow ?? :o 

im so nervous for the digipacks HAHAH like i dont mind any member i get BUT IM SO IMPATIENT I WANT IT NOW >:(( omg tbh i like watching comeback shows more than award shows so i like staying up to watch them 🥰 but it's not the end of the world if i miss it bc ppl record + upload clips HAHAH i even watched a whole treasure comeback show live with addy when i didnt even stan treasure 😭 HELP and for enha i remember she facetimed me so i could show her their live on my phone when i had no idea who they were 💀 

now i would definitely defend that deformed heart with my life 💀

tbh my non engene days were so funny i had no idea who those boys were LMFAO and i dont think ive watched a tbz comeback show actually omg,, maybe i will have to sacrifice some sleep for changmin and jacob <333 

ALSO HAVE FUN WITH PROM COMMITTEE !! that sounds so fun actually omg D; i hope it's a good experience for you !! 💗 omg prom dress shopping is so exciting :'') what color/style were you thinking of ?? my gown was pink i loved it so much 💖 

and right,,, these recent plagiarism cases have been making me rlly suspicious and kinda sick :// i seriously hope people grow up and realize that internet clout ultimately amounts to absolutely nothing. plagiarizing people's work..... how low are you going to stoop for a few notes 😞 also i was a little tipsy when i saw the ask that i got plagiarized LMFAO i was literally telling addy why couldnt they plagiarize me when i was sober 😭 but on a more serious note about that ask..... it was literally 10 min after the fic was posted and the account was new and not visible and the post didnt show in the tags so im VERY confused :/ 

but i hope the rest of your week is smooth sailing love !! and good luck on those exams again 🥰 thank you for such kind words HAHAH i think it'll be a good weekend !! just busy :'') hope you have a wonderful day/night <33 

[so-tarafyd]

Please ignore, I'm just needing to vent

--

I've been having difficulties breathing and standing, with increasing headaches, since November. I have a scent allergy and I'm asthmatic, and this guy came into my workplace bathed in cologne and I was in his presence for too long. Ended up getting sick with either a sinus or lung infection. Cue the next few weeks, turning into months, of me getting tests done and seeing the doctor trying to figure out what's wrong with me.

Then boom, January. I end up with this massive headache - so painful that I'm bedridden and physically sick and I can barely open my eyes without pain. Next day, I'm positive for covid (yes I'm vaccinated, yes you can still catch it even if your vaccinated like how you can still get the flu even with flue shots, and no, I don't want to talk about your personal beliefs regarding the pandemic) and it is the worst time of my life. I'm scared, sick, can't taste a fucking thing, bored out of my mind, and I'm having such a difficult time breathing and having chest pains that I needed to go to the ER. They can't find anything wrong so I'm sent home with the instructions to up my inhaler doses, have some pills that they gave me, and talk to my doctor about anxiety meds.

Now I'm negative, and I go back to work after the appropriate time, even though I'm still having breathing and standing issues (can't be on my feet for more than maybe 10 minutes), and I can't even last 5 hours. I'm sent home, then next day I want to try again and MY LEGS CANT EVEN HOLD ME UP I COLLAPSE AND MY BOYFRIEND HAS TO PICK ME UP AND PUT ME IN BED BECAUSE I PHYSICALLY COULDNT MOVE MY LOWER HALF. I was shaking and crying and so scared that it sent me into an asthma attack.

Ended up having to go on medical leave, I'm off for two weeks. I have to go see a lung specialist in March, and I'm waiting for a call to get a CT scan. A coworker lent me a cane bc she saw how much I struggled trying to walk. I can barely breath, I can't laugh or talk too long without triggering asthma or chest pains. I thought I was doing better - I wasn't shaking as much but then today I had such an intense pain in my back that the breath I took sent me into another asthma attack. Now I'm stuck on the couch bc my lower body is in pain, and I'm having a hard time moving. My upper spine is killing me, my arms are tired, I'M so tired and defeated and I just want this to be figured out so we can figure what to do.

Sorry I just really really needed to vent.

[fallingsunflower]

BESTIES I'm so sorry - I hit my post limit waaaay earlier than expected! Some of y'all joined me on my backup account, (which I also hit the limit on lmao), but I'm back now.

I had over 400 asks to go through and I'll give you a warning that not all of them will appear (either because they were old or because they were topics we already answered). But here is a giant list of asks I compiled for you from when I wasn't allowed to post lol they don't really require my response but I found them entertaining to read. Hope you don't mind I've just put them all together in one post. It's also to save me from using up my 250 posts lol

"this is all so embarrassing like my god imagine when the promotion of the movie starts how horrible it will be for other people who made the movie too"

"SELL UR TICKETS TODAY WATCH THE MOVIE ILLEGALLY, next article we’ll be talking about these two assholes filing for bankruptcy. cheap harlots. don’t mess with your meal ticket."

"hate to say it but i defs think they‘ve got a sliver of the gp’s attention for five minutes"

"I am scanning through all these photos looking for just ONE where he looks like he's smiling and enjoying this. It's so crazy."

"I guess those are all the pics we’re getting right now. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they finish the Italy trip off with one more major Backgrid photo shoot."

"Olivia’s trending on Twitter but not Harry. Like it’s obvious who’s getting the PR gains here!"

"If they dont give us a 6 month or more break after this im gonna need them to pay for my therapy bills from now on bc of this damage no joke let me crawl back into my shit hole now 😑"

"The palce they at is referred to as “tuscanys best-kept secret”. Everyone point and laugh."

"she looks like she’s enjoying all of this. he looks like he wants to push her into the water."

"a few people said he’s keeping his shorts pulled up or covered in all the shots because of the Nike branding which they ask to not get photographed. What a setup."

"Man I knew the second those Tomdaya pics came out of them kissing and how they were trending so fast that HO were going to do something to 'top' them. Its pathetic /// FRRR. she probably hoped for the positive reactions that people gave tom & zendaya but unfortunately, miss girl got the opposite. when will they realize that nobody, but his fans, find them cute lmao can they just stop, it’s so embarrassing 😭😭😭"

"He really out here doing this with someone who almost old enough to be his mother, shiiiiiiiit. Sickening. Sick of these 2 for real now, i was fine with the good old blurry back content and whatnot but this? Crossing a line here nobody wanna see that shit and knowing how people feel goooooood damn."

"I aboslutely despise kendall for obvious reason but this one is actually worse than the hendall one bc you couldnt really see as much as now dis gos tang."

"She’s also wearing the cross necklace again. I feel like if that was so meaningful to her she wouldn’t risk loosing it in the ocean 🙄"

"guys have eyes on tmz. I Do not have tw now. they were so aggressive towards them"

"I'm sorry for Harry because you lost your damn mind bro"

"Now why the hendall pics are better ?? NO SHADE BUTT"

"I’m genuine confused like do they actually want dwd to flop or what? I just threw up in my mouth I sure as hell ain’t gonna watch their sorry ass movie. Is it supposed to flop? I’m so confused!"

"The match was not interesting enough so they cooked up something different especially since people were pointing out how they staged the PDA. And the page 6 article is out already!!!"

"Who the fuck thought this was a good idea"

"Is it just me or does harry's face looks really blank for someone out on a Romantic date with his alleged girlfriend.?"

"if thats it, harry hasn’t no game🤣🤣🤣🤣"

"so this is why the tabloids weren’t talking about the match pics! they didn’t have any value on their own. now with the yacht pics? my oh my they’re gonna get the clicks of their lives. her team was prob like “wait a sec we got something for y’all”"

"If they were models hired to act like a couple they wouldn't get the job......"

"Not them starring right at the camera in some of them help make it less obvious will you"

"HENDALL🤣🤣🤣is that uuuu"

"Harry’s ass crack thought it should make an appearance too."

"What a great day for team PR, happy Monday you guys! Let's pop the champagne 🍾🍾🍾🍾 P. S. They both need acting lessons, tbh"

"It’s quite interesting how everything that’s happened before I’ve seen predicted weeks/and in advance on blogs or fan accounts. Like his life has always been so predictable but damn"

"He was hiding the Nike check. That’s why his swim trucks are rolled up to an absurd degree even for him. He knew he was gonna get photographed."

"What I’m noticing is wether people like them together or not, everyone’s saying they’re aren’t a hot couple…there was more chemistry in the Kendall pics by far"

"i also find it weird that he’s not smiling in any of the pictures and it would be one thing if there were five pics from ten minutes of time but there are like 70 from an obvious extended period of time"

"It's interesting everyone involved is being Team Try Hard. Yet the universe says no. The last set of pics, Tom and Zendaya overshadowed. People even paid more attention to Angelina and the Weekend (even if business possibly). Fast forward to today and all this fakery only for Gwen/Blake to tie the knot. His team needs to get a clue. She needs to go. Harry needs to clean this up fast."

"Ok i looked at one hugging pic and one kidding pic and they could not look more stagged. It looks unatural ,strange and weird from all angles. You can clearly see from their body posture they are posing for a photographer from backgrid."

"Like I said in my ask a couple days ago the day we get kissing pics is the day that I believe this is all a stunt and I was right. They took a page out of hendall 2016 and it’s looks so forced and awkward. Hendall did it better cause at prater they had chemistry. They must be scared this movie is going to tank because they are pushing this way too hard"

"Real, PR, or whatever relationship it is, they’re fucking boring. You are on a yacht in Italy, can’t you have a little bit of fun? I can’t believe how boring they are, I just can’t. Even if it is just PR, can’t you make a fucking dumb joke so you can laugh or something? Do they have anything in common like to talk about or discuss or make fun of? I’d literally killed myself if I looked like that in a relationship. They are not communicating in any photos we’ve got. They are just walking, or sitting. Even when they hold hands or kiss or hug, they never communicate."

"okay but did ya’ll see the pic of her diving in?? i can’t stop laughing 😭😭😭😭"

"they look horrifically awkward i cannot believe what harry is doing"

"“HEY PAPS COME GET A PIC OF US KISSING TO MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP MORE BELIEVABLE!!!!!”"

"his ass is hanging out and her bra is almost off what in the hell"

"Hqs on a yacht like that? Mhmhmhm hmmmmm / I bloody well hope that’s not the extend of their acting. That’s dire! 🤦‍♀️"

"this is literally the most predictable “couple” to exist. first, people talked about them showing up the game, and they did. second, people were just talking about kissing pics... AND THEY JUST CAME OUT LMAOOOOOO"

"annnnnnnnnnnnnd there it is. YOU KNOW THEY KNEW THERE WAS A CAMERA."

"ok but where’s the pda or did that get made up? cause these have to be the most awkward pics i’ve ever seen which makes me feel better 😂 also i can feel the meme’s coming with the one of her diving off the boat"

"I call it how I see it they are both assholes and full of shit. Like do your fake kiss somewhere else I do not want to see it!"

"Can they at least act like they’re having a good time?"

"hahahaha I can't stop laughing with that photo of O it's literally her knowing she's being photographed and diving into a professional swimmer style😭"

"the pics are so organic that Olivia is looking straight at the pap before kissing Harry."

"he looked a lot happier with kendall in their yacht pics compared to today’s. i know that was PR too, but he was very smiley and seemed talkative. with this girl it’s like the complete opposite lmao."

[fairycosmos]

you did nothing wrong. i have been using heroin since im 14 and by 17 id OD 3 times. last time was 5 months ago and im 23 now. im still using daily. i have a sister i love and she begs me and cries and hurts because of me. but between addiction and her i choose my addiction. its the way our sick minds are. she cant save me and you couldnt have saved yours. she deserved better but sadly addiction ate her up. it was not even her fault. it just is. you could not ever have stopped this. im sorry.

:(( thank you v much. this means more to me than i can say, and i'm so sorry you understand with such clarity. it's such a painful struggle. i think i'm having a hard time because like, she wasn't a full blown addict - this was a very fast downward spiral and so part of me feels like if she had gotten more help we could've 'pulled the brakes' on it developing any further. though maybe that's just wishful thinking. she wasn't being honest and she was very lost those last few weeks. i didn't even know she'd tried H until the toxicology report came back, and we were really close. but i don't know, i don't want to tell myself it's ok that i didn't do more for her. even if i couldn't have stopped it, which i know i couldn't have. it was just all so fast and sudden and idk, it was like talking to a brick wall at times. but it's not a matter of blame. she was caught in a trap, i know that. she absolutely deserved better. better than her past, her family, her boyfriend and her situation. but i do understand that any level of drug dependency can become like a real sickness. turns you into someone else before you even realize it, warps your brain and its reward centres beyond all reason. i wont pretend to understand what it's like for you, and i don't mean to come across as patronising or anything, but i really hope you you find a way through this dude. whether you spend the rest of your life fighting it or you overcome it entirely, i truly do believe that happiness and progress is waiting in your future no matter what. you're still so young. you deserve good health, to receive the support you need, and the love your sister has for you. it's there for a reason, bc you're a good person and i'm guessing she wants to see you truly internalize that. obviously words can't even put a dent in the weight of a heroin addiction, and you have to be ready to reach out for help on your own terms, but please never doubt your own strength or whether or not you're deserving of self improvement and love. you have survived all of this pain for a reason and you are inherently worth so much purely because you exist. much love to you, always x