#we have deliveries arriving because someone (read: our manager) thought that was a good idea??? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

babymetaldoll · 3 years

Text

DIWK - Chapter thirteen: "Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new"

Words count: 16,5K

Summary: Spencer's headaches don't seem to have a logical explanation. The only thing that makes sense is that he has been causing them to himself by overthinking something that's already clear: he has been an asshole, and he should tell reader how he feels. Reader realizes she's been stupid all along. And then, she goes out with James. Frank, Lu, Garcia, and Derek finally intervene.

Warnings: Cursing (but that's just my writing style), angst, hurt, and a little comfort from friends. There's a fight, alcohol consumption. Someone is getting drunk...

A/N: Ok, so... here we go!

Masterlist

Words count: 16,5K

Summary: Spencer's headaches don't seem to have a logical explanation. The only thing that makes sense is that he has been causing them to himself by overthinking something already clear: he has been an asshole, and he should tell reader how he feels. Reader realizes she's been stupid all along. Will she go out with James? Frank, Lu, Garcia, and Derek finally intervene.

Warnings: Cursing (but that's just my writing style), angst, hurt, and a little comfort from friends. There's a fight, alcohol consumption. Someone is getting drunk...

A/N: Ok, so... things are slowly but surely happening here.

---

Spencer's point of view

- "That doesn't make any sense!"- I nearly lost it at my medical appointment. To be fair, I was losing my sanity for the last week, but that day, that minute, I have had enough.

- "I'm not sure what you want me to say,"- the doctor frowned, confused by my reaction.

- "So there's nothing wrong?"

- "Well, your scans are perfectly normal, and there doesn't seem to be any physical explanation for your headaches."

- "Well, what do I do now?"- I was lost. I was hoping he could tell me there was something physically wrong with me that we could fix. But apparently, everything was ok.

- "Well, have you considered..."

- "Considered what?"- I knew what he was implying, but I didn't want to deal with that. The doctor sighed and simply just said it.

- "A psychosomatic cause."

- "Psychosomatic?"

- "It just means mental or emotional stress..."

I had to cut the doctor right there, 'cos it was nearly insulting that he thought he needed to explain to me what that meant.

- "I know what psychosomatic means, doctor, but it's not that."

- "Well, I think it's something we should consider."

- "It's not... I'm not crazy!"- but yes, I was going a little crazy at the time.

- "Crazy? Dr. Reid, I'm not saying..."- the professional stared at me, shocked, as I put on my satchel and stood up.

- "I have headaches. I have intense sensitivity to light because there's something wrong with me physically, not mentally. It's not that."

- "That?"

- "Listen, doctor, my mother's a paranoid schizophrenic who's been institutionalized, so I know very well what mental illness looks like, maybe even better than you, and it's not that. It's not."

I walked to the door, but before I could leave or dramatically storm out, the doctor added one more thing.

- "Your headaches are more likely caused by stress due, I suspect, to your very consuming job. My recommendation is to take a few weeks off and have a real vacation. Disconnect from work, and relax. That's all."

The doctor seemed genuinely concerned, so I just nodded and walked out. My head was killing me, and to be honest, I wasn't thinking straight.

It was Thursday. My head was killing me. I hadn't spoken more than a handful of words with (Y/N) since last Friday, and to call it torture came short. It was consuming my whole life at that point. I hadn't slept more than maybe three hours that entire week. After we reached home from Miami, I focused on the paperwork and whatever request for information that crossed my desk.

But I wasn't blind, neither deaf nor stupid. No, I was stupid for wasting so many chances I had in almost five years to tell (Y/N) how much I loved her. Now I was doomed to look at her from a safe distance, as she enjoyed life with her new boyfriend. James.

I first heard his name Wednesday morning when a delivery boy showed up at the bullpen, asking for (Y/N). Everybody looked at her, and she blushed as she raised her hand, and the delivery boy gave her a small box and asked her to sign for the package.

- "What is that, pretty girl?"- Morgan asked when the delivery was gone, and he walked over to see what was into the box.

- "I have no idea... but it passed security, so I know it's not a bomb"- she chuckled and opened it.

- "Wow! Did you send her these, kid?"- Morgan looked at me chuckling, but as soon as he saw my serious expression, he frowned, confused.

- "This is incredible!"- it was the whole Jane Austen collection in a deluxe edition. It was gorgeous. She obviously loved it. And it came with a card.

- "Can't wait 'till Friday night. James"- Emily read out loud as (Y/N) stared at the box, blushing- "Ok missy, you have some explaining to do!"

But I didn't stick around to hear the rest of the story. I didn't need the torture. So I stood up and walked to the kitchenette to get another cup of coffee. And then I hid in the briefing room because I needed to be on my own for a while. I sat at the table and stared at my hands, trying to remain calm. I couldn't cry at work. I shouldn't show my true feelings when my friends were around. I didn't want them asking a million questions I didn't want to answer with the truth.

- "Sorry, man,"- Morgan said as he walked in and sat at the other side of the table- I thought you had sent her those books 'cos you have been acting all weird lately, and you were trying to get on her good side

- "Don't worry"- I tried to look cool and even smiled at Morgan, but he knew better than that.

- "So... how are you?"

- "I'm ok, you?"- I was annoyed already, but I knew there was no way out from that conversation

- "Kid, come on. You can talk to me."

- "There is nothing I wanna talk about right now. I am ok!"- I stood up and walked around the room, frustrated and trying not to yell.

- "Come on, Reid. It's getting painful to watch! You have to tell her how you feel!"- Derek stood up too, and I widened my eyes at his words, scared everybody downstairs might have heard us. I looked at the door; it was locked.

- "I don't want to talk about that now."

- "Man! Come on!"- but I passed by his side and ignored him, opening the door and basically running back to my desk.

From where I could clearly see (Y/N) blushing and staring at her books. Great.

That day went painfully slow. By the time I reached my apartment, I was exhausted both mentally and emotionally. My head was killing me, and all I wanted was to get under the covers of my bed with a book, a cup of herbal tea and make a massive effort to get some sleep.

Apparently, I was asking for too much. Ten minutes after my arrival, my bell rang, forcing my weary body to move from the couch to the door. Sadly, it wasn't (Y/N), the only person I wanted to see that minute. Instead, it was Ashley, and I had to pretend and smile when I saw her.

- "Hey! Am I interrupting something?"- she asked with a cheerful smile as she stood by the door and showed me a paper bag- I got some extra dumplings, and I thought you might like to share

- "Thank you, Ashley... but I already ate."- I lied and watched her leave the box on my table and take a look around- "Wait, where did you get my address?"

- "It's on the system."- she answered casually, and I frowned, thinking there had to be a better way to keep our information classified if we were FBI agents. Not that I didn't want Ashley to know where I lived, but... I just didn't want her there.

- "And what were you doing?"

- "Getting... really to bed, actually. I am weary."

- "And... Do you need any help?"- Ashley stood closer to me and smiled mischievously. I cleared my throat, feeling awkward and even a little embarrassed with her proposal.

- "No, thank you, I'm ok."

But she didn't get the hint. Instead, she ran her tongue through her lips very slowly and rested her hands on my hips. My whole body aches at that touch. Not because I craved more, but because it made me feel nervous and uneasy. I didn't want her to touch me, but I didn't want to be rude.

- "You know, Spence, (Y/N) has a boyfriend now, and she definitely moved on with her life. Maybe you should start thinking about doing the same."

- "I'm sorry?"- I frowned as I stared at her silly grin. She thought she was flirting, but instead, she was actually hurting me.

- "I saw her Friday with Anderson's friend. She seemed to be having a great time. Maybe it's time you have fun too."- she leaned in and tried to kiss me, but I took three steps back and shook my head right away.

- "No, Ashley, it's not like that,"- she frowned, confused, and blushed, embarrassed immediately.

-" What? But I thought you... I thought you liked me."

- "I'm sorry, Ashley, but..."- I hesitated in my answer, trying to find the right ways to reject her. I had never rejected anyone before in my entire life. I have never been lucky with girls at all.

- "But what? You don't want me?"

No. I didn't want her. Not even a little. Not even at all. But I couldn't tell her that just upfront. I had to sugarcoat it. I didn't want to hurt her, though. She wasn't a bad person. Just... Not the right person for me.

- "I'm sorry, Ashley. I am sure you are an amazing woman, and any man would be glad to..."

- "Not any man, Spencer. You! I want you!"- but I just shook my head and sighed.

- "I'm sorry."

That was all I managed to answer. Her cheeks kept blushing, and somehow, her eyes were tearing up too. I remembered (Y/N) once told me that she would involuntarily cry every time she was upset, which always made her feel weak. I thought I could tell Ashley crying was totally normal when one's upset. But instead, I just stayed quiet.

- "You know, she is with someone else now. So she clearly doesn't want you, Spencer. Why are you waiting for her?"

I could tell she meant to hurt me, but she couldn't do it. Why? I guess because I knew she didn't understand (Y/N) and me. She tried to make it seem like (Y/N) had ruined everything, but I knew it had been me. There was no one else to blame but me.

- "I don't wanna fight with you, Ashley,"- I whispered and shook my head- And I don't want to talk about (Y/N) with you.

- "She doesn't love you, Spencer,"- that we both agreed on.

- "She has nothing to do with what's going on right here. I don't wanna have anything but a professional relationship with you, Ashley. I'm sorry if you had any other thoughts about us, but it's not gonna happen. Not tonight, not ever. And not because of (Y/N)."

Ashley gave me a stern look. Her chin quivered, but she didn't flinch. Instead, she grabbed the food she had brought and walked to the door.

- "You are gonna regret this, Spencer!!"- she yelled and stormed out of my apartment, slamming the door.

But no matter what, I knew I wouldn't. I wasn't going to regret rejecting her that night.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I stared at the books James had sent me and sighed. I was home alone on a Wednesday night, staring at a bunch of books on my coffee table. They were unique, gorgeous, and clearly expensive. But they meant nothing compared to the one sitting at their side: Spencer's edition of the Illustrated Man. It was old, had many notes on the sides, and the corner of the pages had been folded... primarily by me.

I sipped my glass of wine and sighed. I missed Spencer. I didn't want to go out with James. I wasn't interested in him at all. I just liked the attention I got from him, mostly 'cos I knew he had a crush on me... because Anderson had pointed it out as soon as he told me about him.

Tears fell down my cheeks as I ran my fingers through Spencer's book. I missed him. But he was with Ashley now. So I had to move on. I didn't want to, though. I just wanted him. I could almost see him there, on the couch, laughing. I could hear his laughter as we played board games. His current favorite was Monopoly Gamer Mario Kart, and he really enjoyed winning. He could get all cocky as he got all my coins.

Everywhere I looked around in my apartment reminded me of Reid. It was just the books, his cardigan on my couch, the umbrella he had left two years ago, and that belonged in my place now. It was just the pictures of him on the walls, memories of trips, dinners, Christmas, parties with Lu, Frank, and Mikey. It was literally everything. My apartment screamed Spencer Reid because he was the person I had shared the most amazing times with there.

On that kitchen island, we had carved pumpkins every Halloween for the last four years. On that table, he served the first meal he ever prepared from scratch. On that couch, we forgot about all our phobias and cuddled for countless hours.

My whole life was about Spencer Reid. How was I ever going to move on from him? How was I ever going to love someone the way I loved him?

I sobbed and just then realized I was crying my heart out. I held my legs, wrapping my arms around them, and rocked back and forth for a few minutes. I was losing my mind, and the only thing that made sense was crying until there were no more years left inside of me.

When the phone rang, I had a headache. I always get one after I cry. I prayed it wasn't a case 'cos I wasn't really sober after drinking a whole bottle of wine, crying, on the floor. Literally, on the floor. But it wasn't Penelope with a case. It was Frank, and he could tell from the very first moment that something was wrong.

- "Nugget, are you ok?"

- "Yeah, Paco, why?"- I slurred and cursed. I was busted.

- "Why are you drunk?"

- "Because I got home after a horrible day and decided to drown my fucking bad mood in chardonnay. Guess what? The shitty bastard keeps floating, but I am not giving up!"

Frank chuckled with my drunken words. I heard him light a cigarette and walk around somewhere I figured was his apartment.

- "And what is the doc doing?"

- "What the fuck do I know?"- my voice didn't hide the hurt I felt, but I forgot Frank had no idea what was happening between Spencer and me.

- "Doc isn't there?"

- "No, we are no longer tied by the hip."

- "Ok, nugget, what the fuck is going on?"

- "Spencer has a girlfriend."

- "What?!"- I nearly dropped my phone, 'cos Frank yelled into my ear after hearing my reply.

- "Yeah, Spencer Walter Reid has a girlfriend. So if you wanna know about him, you should call fucking agent trainee Seaver, who is probably training his cock right now!!"

I grabbed my glass and finished what was left of the wine. I knew I had another bottle in the fridge, but it was just Wednesday, I still might be called in for a case, and I still had to get up early in the morning to go to work. Getting drunk wasn't the answer. But... I wasn't asking any questions either. So I stood up slowly and walked to the kitchen to grab the bottle.

- "No, nugget. There's no way you are telling me the truth!"

- "Why should I lie? Spencer has a girlfriend. Her name is Ashley."

- "(Y/N), Doc has been in love with you for years! There's no way he has a girlfriend!!"- I put the phone on speaker and left it on the counter to open the cold bottle of wine and pour myself another glass.

- "Can you all people stop saying Spencer is in love with me?!"- tears filled my eyes as I shouted and hit the table- "I know he is not! And that's why I feel like shit!"

- "Ok, nugget... calm down. Are you home?"

- "Yes... can you come over?"

- "I'm sorry, I'm out of town. I came to New York for a job interview."

- "What?! When? Why?"

- "'Cos I thought maybe it was time for a new challenge..."- my heart stopped with those words, and Frank knew it- "But don't worry, I didn't get it. You won't get rid of me so easily, nugget."

- "Good, 'cos I don't want any more changes. I can't deal with any more things changing... I don't like it..."

- "Ok, nugget, I am a little worried now, so I'm going to call Lu and ask her to go to your house, ok?"

- "No, please don't"- I closed my eyes, feeling the room spinning as soon as I did- "I can tell I had a little too much to drink already, so I'll finish this glass, and I'll go to bed."

- "Are you sure?"- I knew Frank was worried, and the last thing I wanted was to be a burden for my friends.

- "Definitely."

- "Ok... what if we do something this weekend?"

- "Sure! I'll be free... if no psychopath decides to ruin our fun again."- Frank chuckled, and I took another sip of my wine.

- "Ok, sounds like a plan. Now please go to bed, and whatever you do, don't do any fucking phone call while you are under the influence."

- "I don't drink and call, Paco. Trust me,"- he chuckled one more time, his laughter bringing a smile to my lips 'cos it too damn contagious not to smile, and then, we said goodnight.

I looked around my kitchen. Nothing but memories with Spencer in there too. I could almost see him sitting at the other side of the kitchen island, sipping his coffee, giving me food facts as I cooked. The only fact I was sure about at that point was that if I wanted to move on from Spencer, I was going to have to move out of that place. Actually, I would have to move cities, states, probably countries. Because I knew everything reminded me of Reid.

But that night, for once, I knew I couldn't move on. I wanted to feel Spencer close, 'cos I missed him too much. So I did all the things I knew I shouldn't. I put on one of his shirts and sweaters and took a deep breath, wrapping my arms around me as I got under the covers of my bed, thinking Spencer was there with me. His clothes still smelled like him, and it was intoxicating.

So I did the only thing I could do: I closed my eyes and cried myself to sleep.

Thursday was a waste of a day. I had so much paperwork to catch up with, I put on my headphones and created a bubble around me because it was the only way to survive. Lucky for me, Seaver wasn't at the BAU that day. She was at the academy. Maybe that was why Spencer looked so sad. He missed her.

- "SSA (Y/L/N)"- I picked up my phone and turned around as soon as I heard Hotch's voice at the other side of the line, calling me at the end of the workday.

- "(Y/N), can you come to my office, please?"

- "Yes, sir."

I took a deep breath as I walked over, and brushed my hands against my pants, to get rid of any wrinkle or fuzz. When was the last time Hotch had called me to his office? Over a year earlier, after I had an argument with a suspect in the interrogation room. In my defense, she was striking my nerves. Ok, fine, I didn't have a reason.

- "Hi, is everything ok?"- I asked as soon as I showed up in Aaron's office.

- "Close the door, (Y/N), please."

And immediately, the knot in my stomach made me feel like I was being called into the principal's office. I turned around to do as asked and caught Spencer's eyes staring at me as he stood in the middle of the bullpen, clearly worried. And I felt so weak and moved by how concerned he looked; I did the first thing that came to mind: I smiled and waved.

- "Please, sit down,"- Aaron pointed at the chair across from him, and I did as told, again.

- "Is everything ok, Hotch?"- my question came right out of me, my lips moving before I had actually decided to speak.

- "I have been trying to find the right way to say this for the last half hour, and I am sorry, but..."

- "Oh shit! I'm fired! Why do you hate me so much?"- I jumped from my chair, and Aaron quickly followed me, trying to smother my reaction.

- "No, (Y/N). You are not fired! And no, I don't hate you! Calm down!"- I looked at him, confused and still suspicious.

- "Please, sit down. It's actually because I care about you that I didn't know how to tell you this, but I think almost five years is enough time to stay aside from what's been going on."

- "I'm sorry, Hotch, but I don't follow"- he clenched his jaw and sighed, frustrated. I just stared at him, waiting for the rest of the speech because my unit chief was clearly trying to find the right words to speak his mind.

- "Listen, (Y/N). This is very hard for me to talk about. I've always tried to keep everybody's personal life aside from the FBI. Unfortunately, your relationship with Reid is starting to affect you at your work."

Clearly, that was why he was so uncomfortable. I turned blood red and looked at my hands resting on my lap. I couldn't look into Hotch's eyes.

- "I don't understand. I don't have a relationship with Spencer."

- "The fact neither of you has acted on your feelings doesn't mean you don't have a relationship."

The words came more upset than what Hotch had intended, so he took a deep breath and walked around his office for a moment.

- "After what happened to Haley, I've given too much thought to many of the decisions I've taken in the last years of my life."

I didn't know how to react to Hotch's words because of all the things I could have thought we would talk about. Listening to my unit chief open his heart and talk about his feelings was definitely not my first guess. Not even the eighth.

- "And I care about you and Reid. I don't want you to have any regrets."

- "Which regrets could I have?"- I don't know why I asked if I knew I wasn't going to like the answer.

- "Spencer is in love with you, and you are in love with him. Stop running away from your feelings and face them. Sometimes you have to be courageous and take the first step."

I looked at Aaron Hotchner, almost certain the man sitting in front of me wasn't the same Aaron Hotchner who had once hired me. The man who refused to speak his heart. At least, not me. No way on earth that was Hotch.

- "I know it's strange that I tell you this, and I know I am not comfortable doing this... but... I can see that you two did something wrong, and you should try to fix it before you regret it."

For once, I couldn't argue those words. I knew the speech, but it was useless lying to Hotch. He could see through all my bullshit.

- "I... don't think he feels the same as I do,"- I whispered and kept my eyes on my hands, feeling how my cheeks blushed immediately.

- "You are wrong. You two have been nonsensical, and if I can be sincere, it's getting painful to watch- I winced in a mix of embarrassment and frustration."

- "Hotch... it's not that easy. I don't know if you noticed, but Ashley is the girl who caught his attention."

- "It's the lies that we keep telling ourselves that define what we are instead of who we can really be."- he sentenced, shaking his head- "He loves you. But for the last few weeks, you two have been acting like you are twelve years old."

- "I don't think you are getting all the info straight. I mean... I have tried to tell him."

- "No, you have tried to teach a blind man how to recognize colors,"- now that was Hotch frustrated. He was clearly awkward but also upset I wasn't following his ideas.

- "I'm pretty sure he is with Seaver."

- "He asked never to be paired with Seaver,"- Hotch refuted, frowning. Now that was new information. But I kept refusing to admit anything.

- "Probably not to be suspicious or to make sure his head was in the job."

- "His request was literally: "I don't want to give (Y/N) any sign I like Seaver, 'cos I don't."

Hotch looked at me in silence as I tried to process what he had just said. I couldn't believe it, but at the same time, you can't ever doubt Hotch.

- "Why would he do such a thing?"

- "You have to ask him."

- "Maybe he just doesn't want anyone suspicious about what they have."

- "Why is it so hard to believe? He loves you!"

I opened my mouth to argue with my boss when Anderson knocked on the door and excused himself.

- "Strauss sent you this, sir. She said it's urgent."- Grant said and cut me a small smile before disappearing from the room.

- "Thank you, Anderson."- Hotch said as he went through the papers and sighed.

- "You are busy,"- I inferred and stood up- "We can continue... whatever this was some other time if you'd like."

I stood up, seeing a clear way out of that awkward conversation. I wasn't sure I could open my heart with him.

- "One more thing, (Y/N)"- Hotch said as I stood up and almost ran to the door.

- "What is it?"

- "Tell him how you feel, or I'll have to take action myself."

- "What kind of actions?"

- "Let's hope we don't get to that point."

Hotch's face was severe. He wasn't joking. I just nodded and walked out of his office, scared of what would happen if I ever told Spencer how I felt. But now I was being forced to. That wasn't good.

I looked around, Morgan was packing his things to leave, and Spencer was on the phone, walking to the elevators. Probably he had a date with Ashley, and he was calling her to tell her he was picking her up. I sighed, exhausted, and shook my head.

- "What is it, pretty girl?"- Morgan cut me a warm smile as I reached his side and sighed.

- "I am so tired. I just wanna go home and get under the blankets of my bed with a warm cup of tea and a book."

- "Damn! That sounds thrilling! When is your big date?"- I frowned, groaning. I had totally forgotten about that date.

- "Tomorrow... I'm kind of hoping we get called on a case so I can cancel..."

- "Why?"- Derek looked at me as I started getting ready to go home.

- "'Cos... I don't feel like going."

- "Then don't,"- his answer was so simple I almost laughed.

- "Yeah... I have to go. Did you see the books that guy sent me?"

- "But that doesn't mean you have to go out on a date. You are not forced to do it just 'cos he sent you a present."

- "I know... but I don't know... maybe I'm just too tired and not thinking clearly."

- "Well, go to sleep, pretty girl. And tomorrow, depending on how you are feeling, you can cancel that date. I know someone who would be thrilled to know you won't go out with some guy."

I just shook my head and put on my jacket. I knew he was talking about Reid, but I wasn't in the mood to keep on talking about him with other teammates. Hotch's pep talk had been enough.

- "See you tomorrow, Derek."

Spencer's point of view

My heart dropped as soon as Hotch called (Y/N) to his office. The last time he had done that, she had gotten into trouble with an unsub. She lost her temper in the interrogation room and almost hit the suspect. Had she done something? Was she in trouble? The fact she smiled and waved at me before closing the door made me feel actually worse. Maybe she knew she was in trouble.

I kept looking over from time to time, trying to catch a glimpse of what was happening inside Hotch's office, but I gave up after a few minutes because it was impossible.

I still couldn't shake the thought of (Y/N) being in trouble from my head.

- "Dr. Spencer Reid,"- I answered the phone and didn't take my eye from Hotch's door.

- "Hey Doc, Frank here. How are you?"

- "Hey! Good, how are you?"

- "Good, I was just thinking, is (Y/N) around?"

- "No, she is not. Why? She is with our chief unit... Do you need to reach her?"

- "No. Are you busy tonight?"

- "No, why?"

- "I need to talk to you. Alone."

- "Is everything ok?"- of course, it wasn't. Frank had never called to meet alone unless we were planning (Y/N)'s a surprise birthday party.

- "Yeah, don't worry. I just need to talk to you..."

- "Well... I'm heading home now."

- "Great, I just got off the plane... I can meet you there in an hour if that's ok with you."

- "Sure, see you there."

I had never been so nervous about talking with Frank before. Not even when we first met, and I freaked out thinking of any excuse to avoid going to (Y/N)'s apartment. The memories of that day filled my mind the whole way back home. That was the first time I had ever gotten drunk in my entire life, and I never told that to anyone. I always felt people thought I was a loser, and I didn't want to give them any more reasons to do it. But neither Mikey nor Frank ever laughed at me, though they were clearly cooler than I was. They would have never been my friends in high school.

Were they going to be my friends if (Y/N) and I stopped talking to each other? Of course not. What was going to happen between us? I had no idea, and the headaches overanalyzing everything produced me were driving me insane.

- "Hey man,"- Frank walked in and tapped on my back the second he showed up at my door.

- "How was your flight? Where were you?"

- "New York, applying for a job, but didn't get it,"- he took off his jacket and left it on a chair, as he had always done, despite the fact the hat rack was right next to the door.

- "I'm sorry, Frank."

- "That's ok. It wasn't for me."

- "I was gonna get something for dinner. Wanna join me?"

- "No, this won't take too long, I just..."

Frank sighed and looked at me, standing in the middle of my apartment. He was a little shorter than I was, so I had to look down at him, but that could never affect the fact he could kick my ass. I always knew that about him and Frank. In fact, I had seen them get into small fights a few times in the years I had met them.

And the way Frank looked at me that minute let me know he was actually considering hitting me.

- "Why are you mad at me?"

- "Don't profile me! I hate when you and (Y/N) start doing your Jedi shit."

- "I'm sorry, but... you are clearly not happy with me so, why don't you just say it?"

- "Ok, fine. What the fuck is wrong with you?"- Frank simply replied and crossed his arms on his chest.

- "What? What are you talking about?"

- "You have a girlfriend."

- "What? How do you... I don't!"- Frank just shook his head and started talking, not giving me a chance to explain I wasn't dating anyone.

- "Maybe this is my fault. Lu and Mikey kept telling me you had to tell her what you felt at your own peace! But four fucking years are enough to make up your fucking mind!! We were all sure you loved her, 'cos you did, right? I mean, as long as I know, you still do! I saw you less than a month ago, and you two were fucking husband a wife, for Christ's sake!!"

Frank was now almost yelling at me, and I still didn't understand a word that came from his lips.

- "Frank, what are you talking about?"

- "She fucking loves you!! And we were all waiting for you to date her!! Maybe even marry her!! But now you fucking ruined everything dating someone else! And she is fucking broken hearted!! You fucking hurt her!"- Frank yelled, his nostrils were flaring, and he even cracked his knuckles.

- "Frank, I don't really follow what you are saying, but I can assure you, I am not dating."

- "She already told me everything! You made her cry!!"

- "Who?"- I was so lost in that conversation I wasn't sure I followed him.

- "(Y/N)!! You broke her heart! And now I'm gonna have to break your bones!!"- the way Frank threatened me sounded funny, but it wasn't, at all, why? 'Cos I knew he meant it.

- "Wait!!"- I took a few steps back and raised my hands in a sign of defeat- "Stop it! I am not dating anyone!"

- "Don't lie to me, man. That will just make shit worst."

- "I am not lying! I'm just confused about all this... why would you say I'm dating."

- "(Y/N) told me yesterday."

I stared at Frank, speechless. My eidetic memory going a hundred miles, trying to find a moment in time that gave (Y/N) the impression I had a girlfriend.

- "But... I am not."

- "Then who is Agent Seaver?"- I froze and widened my eyes as Frank crossed his arms on his chest one more time and didn't move his eyes from mine.

- "Oh shit!!"- the curse was a whisper Frank read as a confirmation.

- "And you thought you could keep it from her?"

- "What? No! I am not dating Seaver! I don't even like her!!"- and for the first time since we started arguing, Frank gave me the chance to talk.

- "And why would (Y/N) say that?"

- "I have no idea!!! She hasn't spoken to me this whole week!! Not since I saw her making out with that random guy last Friday."

- "What?! She did what?!"- I feel like a blabbermouth telling Frank what her friend had done, but in my defense, (Y/N) had given him wrong information, and I had to set the record straight.

- "Can you explain to me what the fuck is going on between you two? 'Cos she didn't mention any of that!"

- "Beer?"

Ever since Frank and Mikey were my friends, I always had beers in my fridge. I didn't drink much, but I liked being ready in case they showed up. And they did, 'cos they were my friends.

I stood next to the fridge in the kitchen and took a sip of my beer. Frank stared at me from the other side of the room and waited for my explanation. So I tried to start from the very beginning.

- "I don't know why (Y/N) thinks I'm dating Ashley Seaver, but I am not. I barely talk to her."

- "Who is she?"

- "A young agent Emily is training in the BAU... she and (Y/N) don't get along from the start 'cos Seaver's dad killed Mrs. (Y/L/N)'s sister back in college."

- "What?!"- Frank was in shock.

- "Yeah, it's been pretty awkward since day one."

- "And what? She tried to apologize, and (Y/N) nearly killed her?"

- "That was day one. Everything went downhill from there. But I don't get why she thinks we are dating. I barely talk to Seaver. I specifically asked our unit chief not to pair me with her at any case or task to make sure (Y/N) wouldn't think I liked her."

- "Clearly, that didn't work,"- Frank pointed out the obvious and grabbed his phone- "We should ask (Y/N) why..."

- "No!! Please don't!! I don't want her to know we are talking about this,"- I almost choked on the beer when I heard him say that and nearly jumped to take the phone from his hand.

- "Why?"- I didn't have a reason. I just didn't want to do anything that might actually make things worse.

- "Because..."- I didn't pronounce another sentence. I literally deflated after just one word.

- "Shit, that's deep,"- Frank joked and sipped his beer- "If you are not dating Seaver, why haven't you told (Y/N) you love her?"

I opened my mouth to argue but stopped in my tracks and simply shrugged. It felt useless to deny it anymore. Apparently, everybody could see it but (Y/N). And if she did see it, then it just meant one thing:

- "Because she doesn't love me back. Now she is the one dating some random guy she met at a party."

- "The one she kissed Friday?"- Frank raised an eyebrow as I just nodded- "She probably did that out of anger is she thought you were dating Seaver."

- "You didn't see her, Frank. She didn't look hurt at all. She actually looked like she was enjoying it."

- "Well... I didn't see her, and you are right about that. But I've seen her for the last... five years or so. She loves you. You should ask her out on a date, finally."

- "Why would she go out with me?"- I asked, embarrassed of facing my feelings so openly in front of Frank. But he just shrugged and said.

- "I just said so, 'cos she loves you."

Now that was just painful to hear, especially 'cos Frank actually meant it.

- "She doesn't."- I whispered and sipped my beer.

- "Sorry, but I wasn't asking you if you thought she loved you. I am telling you, she does. Now, if you don't want to believe it, that's an entirely different story.

The way Frank looked at me, saying everything so lightly, like it wasn't a big deal at all, shocked me. He had always been upfront about pretty much everything since day one. But still, that day, I wasn't prepared for that. I stayed quiet, looking at the floor, not knowing what to say.

- "Shit! You really don't believe she has feelings for you!! Are you blind?!"

- "Frank, she is my best friend in the whole world. I don't want to lose her..."

- "Why would you lose her? Just 'cos you love her?"

- "If she doesn't feel the same... and I tell her how I feel..."- I started mumbling, but Frank snorted, frustrated.

- "She is so fucking in love with you; it's hard not making fun of it!! She way she looks at you, how she is always worried about you!"

- "She does the same for you, guys."

- "I've met that woman since when we were kids, and believe me, she has never treated us the way she treats you. We are still waiting for her to bake us birthday cakes. She bakes yours every year. Last year's cake was sick! She fucking made the whole Tell-tale heart scene on your fucking cake and hid a heart in the middle of it!! You know what she did for my birthday? She wrapped the guitar strings she got me. That was it. If that doesn't tell you how in love she is with you, I've got a fucking list of things she has done for you all these years! So fucking deal with it and tell her what you feel!"

- "I can't! I just can't do that!"- I yelled back at Frank, for once opening up about what I really felt- "Every time I look at her, and she smiles, my whole brain turns to mush! I can't tell her I love her 'cos she will laugh. A girl like her deserves everything a man can give her! Have you seen me? She deserves so much better!!"

I'm not gonna lie. It felt good finally saying what I felt out loud. Like a weight had been lifted from my chest. Frank just walked over and tapped on my back a few times, nodding.

- "She fucking loves you! You should be with her! That's it! Why are you overthinking this?!"

- "'Cos I don't wanna ruin it!"

- "You two have wasted like four years! I told her I wanted you two to date since the day I fucking met you! She had to ditch Paul and date you! But she is so fucking convinced you don't love her, she is..."

- "What?"- my heart stopped at those words- "Did she say so?"

- "She did, in fact, yell to me I had to stop telling her you loved her 'cos she knew it was a lie, and that's why she was in so much pain. When did that happen, you ask? Fucking yesterday, so don't come here and tell me she is dating some random guy she kissed at a party when she is clearly in love with you."

I don't know how to explain what that felt like. It was heartbreaking and, at the same time... encouraging?

- "She loves me?"- I asked Frank, still not fully understanding our conversation.

- "Doc, she fucking went behind your boss's back to stay with you in Las Vegas to help you figure out the case of a kid you thought your dad had killed. She fought Gideon when he told her she was a bad influence for you. She hates Lila Archer's movies because of you. I've seen her yell at the tv!"

- "What?"- that was too much information.

- "Just please, fix this shit and tell her you love her"

- "How?"- I honestly asked 'cos I didn't know how to do that. Frank frowned and finished his beer, leaving the bottle on the counter.

- "I don't know, man. Give her a romantic speech about what a big ass you've been all this time thinking she didn't feel the same, ask her to forgive you, and fucking kiss her!!"

- "Ok... how do I do that?"

- "I don't know, doc! You are the genius here!"

- "Actually, I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified... and I have no idea what to do..."

- "Yeah, clearly, this is not your forte. I'll give you that"- I shook my head as Frank stared at me, finally a smile curling on his lips.

- "You know everything she likes. There's no way you can go wrong. Just go to her house and tell her the words she wants to hear: I love you."

I nodded and tried to engrave those simple instructions in my head 'cos I knew I was going to ruin it: go there, say I love you. That was it. It was simple. I could do that. Right?

- "Do you need a ride?"- Frank asked and threw me my jacket.

- "Yes... I think I do."

- "Ok, doc, let's do this!"

(Y/N)'s point of view

I held my cup of tea with both hands and smiled, finally relaxing. That was just what I needed after a long miserable day. I sat on the couch, resting my feet on the table right in front of me, and sighed.

- "Sure, make yourself home."- Lu joked as she walked over with a bowl of popcorn and sat by my side.

- "Hey! I took off my shoes! I know you hate it when I leave footprints on your furniture."

- "How considered!!"- Lu joked as I grinned - "You should definitely come more often then."

- "I promise I will..."

- "And when are you gonna talk to the doc?"- I simply shrugged and focused on the tv in front of me.

- "(Y/N), you do realize you just spent two hours finally coming to your senses, right? I don't care if it's 'cos your boss is pushing you to do it. You have to tell Spencer you love him."

I pouted and groaned, but I knew she was right.

- "First, I have to cancel my date with James."

- "Yeah, do that now."

- "No, I don't wanna face reality today. I'll call him tomorrow around noon. I'm gonna tell him I'm on a case out of town, and I won't be able to make it for dinner."

- "Why don't you just tell him you are not interested 'cos you are in love with your best friend?"- I looked at Lu and widened my eyes- "Oh, come on!! We already passed the initial shock. We all knew you've been in love with Spencer for what seems to be ages!! I knew you loved him since you have him the scarf you knitted."

- "That was ages ago!"- I smiled and sighed- "He still wears it every winter"

- "Of course, he does, 'cos he loves you."

- "Do you really think he does?"

- "Are you serious? That man has been crazy for you since day one! He has been unconditional to you! You two can talk about your nerdy things for hours! Watching you is actually endearing. I had never seen two people just looking at each other with such love before! So please! Just do the right thing and tell him you love him."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I had concluded I had to tell Spencer I loved him because Hotch was right; it was affecting my work. I had to put an end to all that nonsense. Lu kept telling me Spencer would tell me he loved me too, but I was sure he wouldn't. Still, each time she tried to convince me, she made a point.

- "And he took you to Hawaii."

- "He didn't even touch me."

- "So? He hates the beach! The man hates the sun, the sand, and the seawater, and what did he do? He took you for ten days to a resort to the beach 'cos that's what you wanted."

- "His doctor told him the sea breeze was good for his lungs after the whole anthrax incident."

- "Anthrax, my ass! He wanted to make you happy, no matter if that meant being miserable for ten days. If that shit ain't love, then I have no idea what it is!!"

Lu was mad. She had cursed. I looked at her and just nodded.

- "And when you two have your first kid, I wanna be the godmother."

- "Lu, aren't you going a little fast?"

- "No. You two have been too slow with our confessions, so it's time someone speeds this up."

I drove back home around midnight. I was weary, and my body needed a good six hours of sleep after that miserable day. But I knew I wasn't going to get much rest. The idea of telling Spencer how I really felt was too scary, and I wasn't sure I would be able to go through with the plan. I didn't even have a plan. I just knew I had to do it before Hotch took the matter into his hands. Whatever that meant.

It was sad getting to my empty apartment. It felt cold and impersonal. I missed having Spencer around. We hadn't talked in a week, and I had never felt so alone in my entire life. If things didn't go well, I thought I could get a cat. I had always wanted one but never actually decided to take the big step and adopt one. I could go to the shelter and get a kitty.

I poured myself one last cup of tea and walked to my bedroom. Spencer's shirt I had worn as a pajama the night before was still on my bed, and I guessed there was no harm if I wore it again. I got under the covers and wrapped my own arms around my waist. I wondered if there would be a day when Spencer would cuddle me to sleep in our shared bed. Not like friends, like we had done so many times. It was embarrassing to think how many of those nights I had fallen asleep pretending Spencer was my boyfriend.

- "I am in love with you."- I whispered and sighed, closing my eyes.

What would Spencer do if I ever said those terrifying words out loud? I could almost see him freaking out in front of me. He wouldn't know what to do or what to say. If he didn't love me back, he would try to find the most careful way to reject me. He would reassure me he loved me, just not like that. But our friendship would be ruined anyway. I could never see him in the eyes after feeling his rejection. If he didn't love me, I was going to lose my best friend.

Sometimes, I felt Spencer was my soulmate. Lu was right; I had denied my feelings for too long. Had I wasted years of happiness with my honey bunny? Was it too late to tell him how I really felt?

I practiced my speech until two in the morning, rolling in my cold bed, alone, until I finally fell asleep. At seven am, I looked at my reflection in the mirror as I got ready for the day. That Friday was the day I was going to tell Spencer I loved him. I had to look my best. So I put on a lovely dress that always made me feel pretty, though I couldn't find my matching and favorite silk scarf. I did my hair nicely and put on a decent amount of makeup, primarily to hide the big dark rings under my eyes.

I stopped by Spencer's favorite coffee shop on my way to work and got him a cup of coffee and a box of donuts. I took a deep breath as I got out of my car and reminded myself I was doing the right thing. My plan was simple: I was going to give Spencer the coffee and the donuts as an apology for not talking to him in the lastest days. I was going to cancel my date with James, and I was going to ask Spencer out. Maybe like a date, and confess my true feelings for him.

But my plan was ruined before I even reached the main building. I walked through the parking lot and saw Spencer getting out of Ashley's car, holding a cup of coffee. They looked like the lovely young couple they were, after getting breakfast together... after spending the night together...

My broken heart kept breaking as I stared at the scene from a safe distance. I was right. I was too late to fight for Spencer. I had wasted all the chances I had ever had to be with him, and now I couldn't ruin his happiness. If he wanted to be with Ashley, I had to do the right thing and get out of his way.

I hurried up inside the main building and rushed into the elevator. I took deep breaths, trying to hold the tears inside. Whatever happened, I was not going to let Spencer see me cry. I grabbed the box of donuts and the coffee and hesitated when I reached the bullpen. Hotch was already in his office, talking with Rossi. I looked around, knowing Reid was about to get in there with Ashley, and I needed to hide from them.

- "I'm so glad you are here!!"- Penelope turned from her computer, surprised to see me rushing into her office.

- "Hey, munchkin!"

- "How is my favorite tech genius this morning? I got you breakfast!"- I could pretend to be hyper and happy, right?

- "And I love you so much!!"- Penelope smiled and grabbed the coffee- "Smells... delicious!"

- "Only the best for my dearest friend"- she looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

- "Are you ok?"

- "Of course!! I had a good night of sleep, and tonight, if no fucking psycho killers ruin my day, I am going to have a date with a hot guy who is so into me. He already sent me an expensive present, which by no means makes me feel pressured, not even a little! No!"

I freaked out immediately, thinking I had a date with a guy I didn't even like.

- "Ok, baby, sit down"- Penelope tapped on the chair next to her and looked at me with worried eyes- "Are you getting cold feet about this date?"

- "I just... I don't know how I feel about that date. I was ready to cancel, and now... I think I just should go."

I definitely wasn't telling Garcia what had happened earlier; how I was going to tell Spencer I love him until I saw him in Ashley's car. Why? Well, first, I didn't want to cry at work. Second, she would say I had to tell Spencer how I felt. And third, she would tell Morgan.

Penelope sipped her coffee and frowned. Still, she didn't say a word. Instead, she looked right into my eyes and whispered.

- "If you don't wanna go out with him, you don't have to."

- "I know. I just wish I wanted to... do you know what I mean?"

- "I do... "- Garcia nodded and sighed- "Munchkin, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, really."

- "Thank you"- I rested my head on her shoulder and just sighed. We both stayed quiet for a moment until my dear friend questioned.

- "Why did you give me Spencer's coffee?"

- "Wh... what?"- I felt so caught I actually stuttered.

- "This is not almond milk. This is filled with dairy, both milk, and cream... and the amount of sugar in this is..."

- "Oh, please!! Can you just pretend I fooled you?!"- I was mortified- "It's fucking eight in the morning, and the day has already turned as awful as it could be."

- "Come on, baby"- Garcia tried to soothe me- "You know life can always get worse, so let's start by being honest. Why didn't you give Spencer the breakfast you got for him?"

- "For not being a profiler, you are creepy good reading people, you know?"

- "Yes, I am a genius. You should have noticed that earlier in life. That wasn't so bright from you, profiler,"- she teased, trying to make me laugh. And I actually chuckled.

- "Good, I got a smile. Now, tell me what happened."

- "But I don't wanna cry at work... and Hotch already called me out for being unprofessional about this whole Spencer's thing."

- "What? When?"

- "Yesterday, he said I have to tell Spencer what I actually feel for him, or he is gonna take matters into his hands."

- "What did he mean by that?"

- "I have no idea! But it sounded serious,"- I sighed, defeated, and sipped my coffee- "So after zero sleeping for days and a very awkward talk with our unit chief, plus the threats from one of my closest friends, I had decided to tell Spencer that I..."

I couldn't even say it

- "What I feel for him, today."

- "Today?! With this breakfast I am eating?"- and of course, PG freaked out.

- "Well, I was going to give him food as an offering for ignoring him this week... then I was going to ask him out tonight, and that's when I wanted to tell him... but..."

I paused and took a deep breath, doing my best not to cry. I really didn't want to show how hurt I was, though I was almost sure my dear friend Garcia could see it clearly in my eyes.

- "Just please, don't tell Morgan."

- "My adorable munchkin, I don't tell everything about you and our resident genius to Derek!"

- "Yeah, but... I just... feel so..."

- "Good morning, Garcia!"- I bit my lips as soon as I heard Ashley's voice storming into my friend's office- "I brought you coffee!"

Penelope held my hand and squeezed it as soon as she noticed my mood shift.

- "Hi!"- and my dear friend was so awkward it could have actually been fun if I wasn't so angry.

- "Oh, hi (Y/N), I didn't know you were here already..."

- "Yeah, we were having breakfast, actually,"- I pointed at our coffees and donuts, and Ashley nodded, blushing.

- "Sorry... I didn't know you were here... I didn't get you any..."

- "No, don't worry, Ashley. It's not like you know you I actually work here too,"- I wasn't even trying to be polite with her anymore. I hated her. Hotch was going to be so mad...

Seaver just stared at us and nodded in silence. Then, she turned around and left, closing the door behind her back. I groaned and nearly hit my head against the desk.

- "Wow, you are not even pretending for the cameras."

- "That was me trying not to kill her, actually. If she walked out on her own, then it was a very successful encounter."

- "What the hell, (Y/N)?"

- "I was gonna tell him, and then I saw him getting out of her car in the parking lot..."

- "Spencer Reid?!"- Penelope freaked out. I just nodded- "Dr. Spencer Reid?? The nerd in love with you? Getting out of her car?"

- "And carrying breakfast, like a lovely young couple. I bet they banged last night."

- "No way!"

- "Why not?!"

- "Because he loves you, and no one calls it "bang" anymore!" Where have you been?"

- "Penelope!"- my friend smiled at me and offered me a donut, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and resting her head against mine.

- "My dearest munchkin. Don't let this stop you. You were on a mission this morning."

- "They banged, fucked, had sex, call it what you want!! I am not telling Reid anything!! And I guess I'm going out with James tonight 'cos... if I don't, I'm gonna die alone, and my cat is gonna eat me!!"

I was nonsensical. I knew it. But there was nothing that could stop me from being absurd. I was scared and hurt. I actually thought I was going to go crazy.

I stayed with Penelope for a while, trying to cool my head. I didn't want to snap with Seaver again. I knew it had been a mistake. I saved Hotch a donut and asked him if I could work in JJ's old office. I told him I wanted to concentrate and that I really needed the time alone. Of course, he could see through my bullshit.

- "I told you, if you don't fix things with Reid, I am going to intervene."

- "I am going to do it, sir. Just... after I get all this paperwork done. I'll talk to him this weekend."- I looked into Hotch's eyes, trying my best to lie correctly. Do you have any idea what lying to the best profiler in the FBI felt like? It was mission impossible.

- "Good, (Y/N). I'm glad to know you've made the right decision."

- "Thank you, sir."

Spencer's point of view

After I got out of Frank's car, holding a bouquet of flowers, I forced him to help me get in our way over. It took me almost half an hour to walk from the sidewalk to the door of (Y/N)'s building.

- "I am in love with you,"- I whispered and shook my head, knowing she deserved better than that simple confession. I took the stairs, trying to improve my speech.

- "I have always been in love with you, from the minute I first saw you,"- I whispered and wiped off the sweat from my hands against the fabric of my jacket. It sounded terrible. I knew I was going to get it all wrong.

- "What am I doing?"- I stopped in my tracks before I reached her floor- I can't do this.

I literally froze and felt sick in my stomach. I couldn't do that. What was I doing? How had I let Frank talk to me into doing something so stupid? What was I getting into? I couldn't do it.

For a minute or so, I stood in the middle of the stairs, not able to move or formulate a single coherent thought. I was trying to

But if I didn't, and she loved me... I was going to lose everything I had ever dreamed of and that I never imagined I could have. No, I had to do it. I had to tell (Y/N) I loved her. And I had to do it that day. "Your head is spinning because it's full of ghosts," I remembered Julio's words and took a deep breath.

I ran the last steps of the stairs and reached her door, panting. But I didn't wait. I knocked on her door and waited.

- (Y/N), it's Spencer. Are you home?- but nothing. So I knocked again.

- Chipmonk, please open the door. I know I've been an asshole this whole week, but I need to talk to you. There is something you should know.

But nothing. Just silence. I knocked a few more times and patiently waited. No answer. I thought about it for a second and took the key she had given me years ago in case of any emergency. I had ended up using that key a million times, not really for many emergencies. I used it to prepare her surprise birthday party many times or come in when she knew I was coming. Or when I stayed over for the weekend, and it was my turn to pick up something from the store. So that day, I used it and opened her door.

Walking into (Y/N)'s apartment felt like walking into her arms. It smelled like her, and it felt like home. I took a look around, calling out her name. But she wasn't there.

Her place was kind of messy. There were many blankets on the couch and some clothes lying around. Man's clothes. For a moment, my heart sank. I thought maybe James was spending time there too. But soon, I realized...It was my clothes. I walked into her room and saw her unmade bed. My old red sweater was on her pillow, and some of the shirts she liked were close as well.

Why was she surrounded by my things? Did she... miss me that much? Could it be Frank was actually right? She loved me and missed me? I looked around and tried to find confirmation, though I felt overwhelmed by emotion at the moment.

(Y/N) loved me. There was a chance she actually loved me the way I did.

I fell on her bed and contained tears that almost started falling down my eyes. There might be a chance she loved me, and I refused to ruin it. She couldn't find me in her house out of the blue. She deserved better than that. She deserves the world. So I quickly collected all my things and walked to the door to think of a better way to confess my undying love. Undying, cheesy, and yet, honest.

But before I was out, I walked back to her room and opened her closet. If she had all my clothes to think of me, I wanted a souvenir too. My eyes traveled quickly through all the items hanging until her purple satin scarf caught my eye. I loved how she looked on it, and it smelled like her. I hid it in my pocket and walked out of her apartment.

Not even the tiny bouquet of flowers I had gotten her seemed to be enough. Frank said she'd love them, but... it just wasn't good enough for her.

I had a lot of planning to do. And I have no idea where to start. I had high standards to beat. After all, I had read all of the romantic books (Y/N) had in her house and seen all the romantic comedies she loved. All of those more than ten times. So... how was I going to do it? Was I going to pour my heart out to her in the most romantic way possible and finish with:

- "I am just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love him,"- I said out loud as I poured myself a fresh cup of coffee.

No. That didn't feel right. It had to be better. Who was (Y/N)'s biggest love reference? Mr. Darcy. How had he done it? Well... he didn't do it right the first time, so he started making amends with a letter. I could begin with a letter. After all, I had written (Y/N) many love letters I had never given her in all those years. Letters that contained all my feelings for her as a way of letting it out of my chest. But they were never meant for her to see.

I sat at my desk and grabbed my favorite pen. But before I could actually start writing, I noticed I needed music, romantic music, for inspiration. I picked the same Amy Winehouse vinyl record I had been listening to for the last couple of days and walked back to my seat.

Writing a love letter wasn't easy. Putting facts into words, that's a task I can complete, no questions asked. But that Thursday night, I struggled with every sentence I created. I wasn't a writer and neither a man who had any kind of experience with love or being in love. Less with confessing such feelings. But I had to give my best.

Around one in the morning, I finished the third version of that letter. Frank had texted me to know if things had gone well, but I told him she wasn't home.

- "Don't worry, Paco,"- I said and smiled while holding her silk scarf- "Tomorrow is the day."

My wristwatch said four in the morning when I stopped painting and decided to get into bed. I had to get at least two hours of sleep. Not that (Y/N) had never seen my insomniac face before, but I needed to, at least try, to look presentable for her. After writing, my mind was flooded with emotion, and I couldn't stop thinking about everything we've been through all those years together. (Y/N) and I. we had been best friends for so long, yet, I could now see our friendship had always been a little different. We were closer... sidekicks... lovers without kissing. I needed to feel her hand in mine. Her arms around me. But it was only a few more hours.

Was she going to like me in the morning? I felt butterflies in my stomach just with the idea of confessing my feelings. I set everything ready and went to bed. I barely had the energy to put on my pajamas and turn off the lights. (Y/N)'s scarf wrapped softly on my wrist.

I frowned, baffled and lost, when I opened the door the following morning and found Ashley at the other side.

- "Can I talk to you for a moment?"- she whispered and handed me a fresh cup of coffee- "I brought you a peace offering for being so obnoxious the other day."

It was clear Ashley was honest, and she was embarrassed about her behavior. Otherwise, she wouldn't have shown up at my door. So I smiled and nodded, trying to show her I wasn't mad at her.

- "Water under the bridge"- I whispered and held the coffee she gave me. No milk, no cream, no sugar. Just like (Y/N) liked it. Ashley noticed how I prepared coffee at the BAU but never realized I wasn't making myself a cup. I was making (Y/N)'s.

- "I am very embarrassed... and I really like working with you... regardless of everything I said. I don't..."

- "We can pretend that never happened,"- I interrupted her, and she just smiled and nodded.

- "I would like that. I am sorry I was rude... Do you want a ride to work? We are a little late."

I thought about it for a second. I wanted to stop by and get (Y/N) more flowers, but we were late, and I wasn't planning on telling her how I felt until later that night.

- "Sure, let's go."

(Y/N) was nowhere to be found that day, and that immediately got me on my nerves. Her things were on her desk, but she wasn't there.

- "Hey García, have you seen (Y/N)?"- I walked in and watched her stay still, shocked.

- "Hello there, Dr. Reid. How are you today? Nice to see you too."

- "Sorry!"- I cut her an awkward smile and waved- "Hi! How are you?"

- "The damage is already done, Dr. Reid. Clearly, you are not here looking for my companionship."

- "Sorry, I just haven't seen (Y/N) today. You?"

- "Yes, my pretty chipmunk was here earlier, and that's all I know. Why?"- Garcia raised an eyebrow and looked into my eyes- "Why are you so interested in her?"

I didn't know if it was because I had spent most of the night planning to confess (Y/N) my feelings, but Penelope's question sounded suspicious. I tried to act normal and just frowned.

- "I just wanted to know if she was here 'cos I haven't seen her around."

- "She had work to do, and I think she had a meeting with Hotch."

- "Again?!"- I couldn't help but raise my voice, scared of the idea of (Y/N) being scolded by Hotch for two days in a row.

- "But she had a meeting with him yesterday!"- I argued, but Garcia just shrugged.

- "That's all I know. Also, she brought donuts"- I stared at her dish. Chocolate frosted donut with sprinkles. My favorites.

- "Do you know if she... got one of those for me?"

- "I don't know, why don't you ask her?"- Garcia questioned back and raised an eyebrow

- "I would, but I don't know where she is."

- "Besides... didn't you have breakfast already?"

- "There's always room for a donut... for my favorite donut."

Penelope raised an eyebrow, trying to read beyond my words. Was I just talking about donuts, or was I talking about (Y/N)? Did she actually mean breakfast? Of course, she did. Garcia wasn't implying anything else! I was just overthinking everything!

Right?

- "I'll see if she is still with Hotch."

- "Hey, Reid"- Penelope called out my name when I was about to reach the door- "When you see her, you should tell her it's her breakfast you are interested in. No other."

I stared at Garcia and opened my mouth. But no word came from it. I just know I blushed and nodded, leaving her office soon after.

But I didn't find (Y/N) during that whole day. And it was both frustrating and nerve-wracking. The letter I wrote her kept burning me, as I felt it in my jacket's pocket, beating like a second heart. I wasted a whole paperwork day trying to concentrate, but I couldn't. I managed to get the least work done in years, 'cos my mind focused on her. On (Y/N). In her absence.

By the end of the day, I had lost all hope of finding her around and did what all desperate men would do. I waited by her car in the parking lot.

Around six-thirty, I heard her shoes approaching the vehicle, and my heart stopped when I saw her eyes in mind, nearly shocked to find me there.

- "Hi"- that was all I managed to say. My voice was a whisper that even I barely heard.

- "What are you doing here?"

- "I was waiting for you. I thought it was obvious."

I smiled and tried to ease her mood. But it didn't work. She looked so mad at me, though those few words were the longest conversation we had shared in over a week. Why was she mad at me? Was it too cheesy to tell her she looked adorable when she was mad? Of course, it was. I still took a mental note to tell her that later on. Maybe later that same evening if things went well.

- "Why?"- (Y/N) frowned and opened her car, and threw her purse in the back seat.

- "I wanted to talk to you."

- "I can't, Spencer. I am late,"- she called me by my name, and that reality check hurt me.

- "Late for your date with James?"

- "I don't feel like talking about that with you. Goodbye, Spencer."

- "Wait. (Y/N), stop."- I held her arm and felt her whole body shiver under my touch. I would have held her longer, but she pulled her arm from my grip and frowned- "Why are you so mad at me?"

- "Mad? I am not mad!"- I know she was a good liar, but she was so mad her whole body language gave it away, along with her high-pitched voice.

- "I think you are... Why?"- I tried to move closer, but she crossed her arms on her chest and stood next to the opened passenger door. Ready to escape.

- "I am just in a hurry, Spencer. That's it."

There it was, the confirmation of her anger. My name, leaving her lips with fury. I wanted to hold her. I needed to feel her close, with a desperation I had never experienced before. I was craving for her. And there she was, right in front of me, refusing to even look at me.

- "Can you just... give me a chance to talk to you?"- my words came as a whisper, almost as a beg.

- "Isn't someone else waiting for you?"

- "Me? No. No one,"- I answered, confused by what she was implying- "I just need to talk to you. Please."

- "Sorry, I'm late. But... maybe..."- (Y/N) hesitated and looked at someone else walking close to us. I didn't even bother. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

- "Would you... would you take this?"- I held the letter and gave it to her. She hesitated before taking it, and my heart nearly burst at the thought of her holding my love confession in her hands.

- "What's this?"

- "Can you read it?"- but it only lasted for a second. (Y/N) shook her head and gave me back my letter.

- "Not now, I'm late."

- "(Y/N), please."

- "No, Reid. I can't read this now. I am late."

- "Please, (Y/N). I need to tell you something."

- "And I need to leave. So, bye."

(Y/N) slipped through my fingers like water. I stayed still, staring at her as she disappeared, and cursed myself under my breath for being so petrified to act. I wanted to cry. I was so frustrated with myself.

- "I love you. I don't want you to go out with him. You should be with me."

It was liberating to say those words out loud even though she wasn't there to listen.

- "Nice kid. Now next time, say it when she can hear you."

I recognized Morgan's voice behind me. And I guess I could have felt embarrassed if I wasn't so frustrated already. And most of all, so mad at myself. I had practiced. I had tried. I knew what I had to say. But when I was with her, I just couldn't. And now he was out there on her way to date another man.

I felt Derek's hand on my shoulder, tapping on it a few times. I sighed and nodded.

- "Come on. First-round is on me."

It only took Morgan two rounds to get me talking. To be fair, I wanted to speak. He had already heard what I wanted (Y/N) to know.

- "I just wanna tell her I love her. I need to tell her what I feel for her 'cos now I can see there might be a chance she loves me too."

- "Might be a chance?"- Morgan frowned and shook his head- "Kid, that woman is head over feet in love with you. And she has been for years. I just can't believe you've wasted all these years!!"

- "I can't believe I am sitting here with you when she is out there on a date with some other man!!"- I nearly yelled and drank what was left of my third whisky, immediately raising my hand, asking for another round. Derek raised an eyebrow as he stared at me, and somehow it felt like he was mad at me for something.

- "Kid. You know I love you, but you've been so fucking stupid and blind it's been painful for us to watch! You've had so many chances to be with her! She has been crazy in love with you ever since she was dating that other guy!!"

- "Paul? That was ages ago!"- I said ages to sound less obsessive, but I knew exactly how long it had been since they had broken up. It was also the amount of time I had spent without using Dilaudid.

- "Well, she loved you even back there! I bet you are the reason they broke up!"

- "No, I wasn't"- I sighed, thinking I wished I was, but I knew (Y/N) had broken up with him 'cos she didn't love him.

- "Why are you so sure?"

- "She told me"- Morgan raised an eyebrow and looked at me so severely- "What?"

- "Back then, that girl got into trouble for arguing with Lila Archer. Remember?"

- "Eidetic memory, Morgan. Of course, I remember."

- "Sorry, genius"- the waitress arrived with our fourth round, and my body felt way more relaxed by them. Also, my tongue started to slur as I spoke.

- "My pretty pumpkin actually called Lila, and I quote: "annoying, always ignoring our orders, keeping herself in danger, not helping, being a squeamish little princess who is used to do whatever the fuck she wants, and who didn't care to put people around her in danger."- I chuckled remembering that conversation- "And then she joked saying "Of course you were oblivious to all this 'cos you couldn't stop staring at her."

- "Ok, Reid, that's what girls say when they are jealous! And she was clearly jealous of Lila! When she saw you two in that pool? I thought (Y/N) was gonna kill her! I swear I was waiting for her to jump into the pool and end with her!"- Morgan laughed, picturing the scene in his mind. I sipped my whisky, not quite sure he was into something there.

- "I really think she didn't like her 'cos she found her annoying. (Y/N) finds most people annoying."

- "And not you. What does that tell us?"

- "That I am not annoying"- Morgan looked at me and opened his mouth to say something but stayed quiet. And instead, he just chuckled.

- "What about that waitress?"

- "Who?"

- "The one you picked up in the bar with a magic trick?"

- "I didn't pick on her!! I was doing my work and..."

- "And you got her phone number, and she sent you that card with a kiss..."- Morgan stared at me, waiting for a reaction- "Ok, in case you didn't notice, (Y/N) was jealous of her too."

- "She was mad 'cos she said I was unprofessional."

- "Ok, fine, whatever. And now, what's the plan, casanova? When are you telling her you love her?"

- "Now, tonight, after this drink,"- and I hurried to drink it faster.

- "What?"

- "I've got a love letter like Darcy gave to Lizzy."

- "Who the fuck are those?"

- "Her favorite characters from her favorite book"- I explained, annoyed, and drunk- "They were in love but never acted on it 'cos they were both proud and held severe prejudices against each other. So when he told her he loved her, it was a mess. Then, he wrote her a letter trying to explain to her why he had been nonsensical. Then she read it and realized she loved him, but thought it was too late, so both of them acted like nothing was going on until they realized they had been fools, and Darcy confessed his love, and she told him she loved him too..."

There was a blank stare in Morgan's eyes when I was done speaking.

- "How many times have you read that?"

- "Today? Eleven"

The way Morgan wide opened his eyes, shocked, made me think maybe I had overreacted with how many times I read Pride and Prejudice. But he didn't say anything, just nodded.

- "Ok, kid, you can't talk to her today."

- "Why now? I was actually going to drop by her apartment and read the letter."

- "Spencer, you are drunk."

- "I am not!"- I was, in fact, intoxicated.

- "Prove it!"- Derek dared me, chuckling

- "How? Want me to walk on a line and touch my nose with my fingers?"

- "Go talk to those girls over there"- he pointed at a bunch of women who kept flirting with him from a distance at the bar counter.

- "Why would I do that? I am in love! I just told you I am about to confess my true feelings to the one woman I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I swear, Morgan, if she says she loves me, I'm gonna ask her to marry me."

- "What?!"- my friend nearly choked with his drink.

- "Yeah! I've wasted too much time! I wanna marry that woman! In fact! I'm gonna tell her that right now!"- I stood up too quickly, and the whole room started spinning. Morgan grabbed my arm and forced me to sit down again.

- "Hold on, Reid! You need a round of water before we leave this bar."

- "No, Derek, you don't get it. I finally see everything clear now!! It's all clear!! I've loved her for so long... and maybe Frank is right, maybe she has loved me all along."

- "Dude, that's literally what I've been telling you for the last hour!!"- Morgan nearly yelled, frustrated.

- "Yeah, but Frank has been her best friend since they were four! Can you imagine? Little (Y/N) at four, playing... our kid would be so cute if they are like her."

- "Ok, Reid, you are creeping me out"

- "Why?"- I couldn't understand why Morgan was so shocked. I thought he wanted to know how I felt.

- "For the last five years, you've been in love with her, and you've denied it over and over again. And now suddenly, you get drunk and spill your heart open."

- "I just... I don't want these ghosts haunting me anymore. Julio was right!"

- "You lost me, man"

- "Our last case in Miami. My head was killing me, and Julio knew it. He said it was this job and everything I was bottling up that was driving me insane. Now I can see it clearly! I have to tell (Y/N) how I feel for her! That woman is the love of my life! She saved my life!!"

- "Calm down, Spencer."

- "Calm down?? She is out there with that guy!! What if they kiss again? What if they fuck?! No way! We have to stop her. I have to stop her!!"

I don't know how I got out of that chair and stormed out of the bar.

- "Reid! Wait!"

(Y/N)'s point of view

James was hot. Yes, that's true. I can't deny what's real. I saw him talking at the other side of the table, being charming, being fucking perfect. And there I was, not feeling anything. Nothing. Good old (Y/N) a few years ago would have been crazy for that guy. Before I met Spencer. But after Spencer.... There was nothing after him. And I could see it. I could feel it inside of me. How he had ruined me without even touching me. Does that make any kind of sense?

- "So, what do you do when you are not fighting crime?"- James asked me with the most charming smile. I just sighed and tried to look interested. I honestly wanted to try. But I soon realized everything I could answer included Spencer.

- "I am a big nerd, so I'm getting ready to go to Comicon this year."

- "In costume?!"- he widened his eyes and smiled, excited

- "Yes, of course. In costume is the only way to go to Comicon,"- in costume with Reid...

- "And which is your costume this year?"

- "Slave Leia"- James smiled mischievously and ran his tongue through his lips.

- "I won't miss this Comicon."

- "I also like hanging out with my friends. I usually host dinner parties 'cos I love cooking,"- with Spencer...

- "That's awesome, 'cos I love eating. Are you into board games?"

- "Yeah! Love them! We usually play a lot."

We. Spencer, and I.

I was doomed. I was never going to love anyone else. Spencer was overshadowing everything I might like about James. What did I actually like about James? That he was interested in me. Was Spencer interested in me? Lu said so. Garia said so. Emily said so. But I didn't. Why? Why couldn't I believe Spencer might love me? Was I terrified to lose him as a friend, or was I petrified to lose myself in him? Was I scared to be loved by him? To be happy? To have someone to love me, want me, and make me happy?

Was I scared of being loved by Reid? Of being happy with him? 'Cos each time I thought about it, it didn't feel like Spencer was just a guy I had a crush on or a guy I had fallen for. It felt like he was the love of my life, my happy ending. My forever after. And that scared the shit out of me. I've always been scared I would ruin the love of my life like my parents had destroyed their happiness. I knew the job was going to get in the middle. And I was already in love with my job.

Well... so was Reid.

In fact, we shared that love. We did everything together, including working. And god, I loved being in the field with him. I hated the fear of losing him I often felt whenever we were together, but the thrill of catching an unsub with Reid, of saving lives together. Nothing could ever compare to that. Well, maybe sex with Spencer, but I didn't know it for a fact. I wished I knew...

- "(Y/N)?"- James was looking at me, waiting for an answer. But I never got the questions. I was just lost in the thought of Spencer.

- "Sorry, you were saying?"

- "I was wondering if you wanted to go somewhere else... Maybe you could show me your record collection."

Dinner was over. We had our dessert and coffee. A part of me felt I had to say yes, 'cos I felt pushed to like him. But I just couldn't force it. I knew it was meant to turn out badly.

- "Actually, I'm tired... I'm sorry. It was a long week and included a trip to Miami to catch a lunatic..."

- "Of course, not a problem. I'll take you home."

The drive back to my apartment was mostly silent. It wasn't awkward, but it wasn't really comfortable either. It was just me feeling Spencer's absence. And it hurt in ways I hadn't realized just yet. It made me wonder if my life without him was destined to be like that.

- "I had a great time tonight,"- I said when James parked outside my building.

- "Me too..."- he turned to me and cut me a big smile, as his eyes locked with mine. I could see him leaning in, and my whole body refused to kiss him. So I opened my door and nearly jumped out of his car.

- "Ok, it's getting late."

- "I'll walk you to your door."

- "No, you don't have to."- but James was already by my side, holding my hand (something I absolutely hated) and walking with me to my building.

- "I have to tell you, (Y/N). I was hoping to meet you at Anderson's party."

Oh shit, I didn't really want to go through that conversation with him. I thought I could just ghost out of that dinner, but James wasn't making things easy. So I opened my building's door, and he followed me in. Shit.

- "I don't know if he told you anything but... I just had the biggest crush on..."

- "James, you don't have to..."

- "But I want to. I just feel like we could go somewhere. I know it's only our first date, but I think you are the most incredible woman I've ever met. And I would be ecstatic if you would want to go out with me again."

I sighed and turned to him. We were standing by my door, and I could feel he wanted to kiss me goodnight.

- "James. I feel flattered, but... I can't do this."

- "What? Why?"

- "Because I am in love with someone else... I've been in love for a while now, but I never thought I might have to actually act on it until now..."

James stared into my eyes, confused, hurt, and... sad. I nodded and did the kindest thing I could under the circumstances and hugged him.

- "I am sorry. You are a fantastic guy, and I'm sure if I wasn't in love already, this would have worked, but..."

- "It's ok, (Y/N). Really. You don't have to apologize. I was just one date, no harm done."- my date kissed my cheek and smiled- "Besides, I got to meet my favorite profiler."

- "Prentiss?"- I joked, and he chuckled.

- "And what are you gonna do about this mystery guy?"

- "I don't know. I don't think he feels the same... but I think I have to tell him, or I'll go crazy."

- "He would be crazy if he rejects you,"- James whispered and smiled- "Good night, crime fighter."

I closed the door behind my back and let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I felt bad for James. But I couldn't take care of his feelings when I had been neglecting mine for so long.

What was I supposed to do? I was so tired of overthinking everything. Of being afraid. I put the kettle on to make myself a cup of tea and laid on my couch for a minute. It smelled like Spencer. There was one of his sweaters there. I quickly grabbed it and buried my face in it, pretending it was his neck, and I could even land butterfly kisses on his skin.

I couldn't run from it anymore. I was going to tell Spencer Walter Reid what I felt for him. And I was going to do it the following day. How? With my original plan: I was going to bring his favorite breakfast to his house. I was going to apologize for being a jerk, and I was going to invite him over for dinner. I was going to cook his favorite. Then I was slowly and carefully going to handpick the right words to tell him I am desperately in love with him.

That sounded like a good plan. My phone rang, forcing me to roll on that couch, but I carried Spencer's sweater with me. It was Penelope.

- "Please don't tell me we've got a case."

- "No, munchkin. I just wanted to check on you. What happened to James?"

- "I blew him off- I stood up and walked to the kitchen to make my cup of tea- "It was kind of painful."

- "I'm glad you did anyway. You have to do the right thing."

- "Yeah, I guess,"- I closed the widow 'cos there was a lot of yelling coming from the street.

- "Where are you?- Penelope asked, probably hearing it too.

- "At home, getting ready for bed."

- "What's that noise?"

- "I don't know. I think there's a fight downstairs. Anyway, tomorrow I'm gonna talk with Spencer and tell him everything."

- "Please let me know how that goes!!"- I chuckled as I heard the genuine excitement in her voice.

- "I promise I will. Thank you for checking on me."

- "Anytime, munchkin. Sleep tight."

Spencer's point of view

- "Oh shit! Oh shit!"

I saw (Y/N) getting out of James's car, and Derek had to hold me on my seat to stop me from running over. We were parked outside of her building, and Morgan was still trying to convince me to go home. I told him I would behave and peacefully go home if I saw (Y/N) reaching her home safe and sound... without James.

But no. He was there. I could see him walking with her, hand in hand, to her building.

- "Maybe he is just going to take her to her door,"- Morgan said, trying to calm me down. I clenched my fist and waited in silence for a few seconds. But James didn't leave her at her door. He followed her inside. And that was when I lost it and literally jumped off the car.

- "Reid!! No!! Wait!!"- Derek ran behind me and grabbed my arm. A car passed and honked at us, 'cos it almost ran me over. I wanted to yell, "Fuck you!" but I barely noticed it. My eyes were locked at that building's door.

- "Dude! Come on, get back in the car!"- Derek tried to calm me down.

- "No!"- I argued and kept pulling my arm, trying to get free of his hands. But he wasn't letting me go.

- "You are drunk! You are not thinking straight! Come on!!"

- "No! Let me go! I need to talk to her!

- "What you wanna tell her, you should confess sober, with flowers... and chocolates, or whatever she likes."

- "I can't wait anymore!! I can't wait until it's perfect!! He is going to kiss her again and... and I can't deal with that!!"- I managed to get loose of Derek's hand and ran to (Y/N)'s building the second James walked out of it.

My blood boiled as soon as I saw him, and my first instinct was to punch him, But I managed to suppress it. Instead, I just looked at him threateningly. Or at least that's what I tried to do.

- "What's your problem, dude?"- James frowned as he noticed me staring.

- "You are my problem, dude,"- I answered with a snarky tone as that asshole took a step closer and shook his head.

- "What the fuck?!"

- "Stay the fuck away from (Y/N), James,"- I said, and he widened his eyes, surprised I knew him.

- "Who the hell are you?!"

- "I am the love of her life, and you are in the way of our forever after."

- "Kid, come on"- Derek tried to pull me away, but he was just embarrassing me.

- "Yes, kid. Go with your buddy. Leave (Y/N) to me."

James chuckled and turned around. And I don't know what took over me, but I couldn't control it. I ran to him and pulled his shoulder. I felt the pain of my fist hitting his face, but I didn't care if my knuckles were on fire. All I could feel was the profound pleasure of finally breaking that guy's nose with my own hands.

- "What the fuck?!"- Derek was in shock, and honestly, so was I. I didn't know I had that in me. I had never gotten in a fight that wasn't with an unsub. And still, on the field, I always tried to talk my way out of every conflict.

- "He has to back off! He is getting in the middle of my relationship with my pumpkin!!"- I argued and looked at my hand, knowing it would be sore in the morning. That was when James's fist collided against my jaw, and I felt how my whole body nearly spun like a cartoon with the strength of the blow.

- "Hey! Hey! Stop!"- Derek pulled James away from me as I touched my face, trying to put two and two together.

- "Tell your friend to stay away from me, or I'm gonna break his face!!"

- "You and which army?!"- I yelled and tried to punch him again, but Morgan stayed between us, trying to keep us apart.

- "Ok, ok, calm down, we are leaving! Reid! Come on!!"

- "No!! I am not leaving until I am sure that he is going to stay away from her!!"

- "Stay away from (Y/N)? Deal! Now get the fuck away from me!"- James shoved me on his way to his car, and I nearly hit him again. But Derek stopped me. He grabbed my arms and pushed me to his car.

- "Enough! I'll take you home."

***

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @muffin-cup @shilohpug @eternalharry @tvandfanfic @fandomtrash2405 @eyakoroleva @nani-2305

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy @meowiemari @archer561

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: July 7th, 2021

#Spencer Reid #matthew gray gubler #Criminal Minds #Spencer Reid fanfiction #Spencer Reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid hurt #spencer reid angst #babymetaldoll writes #diwk #Penelope Garcia #Ashley Seaver #Emily Prentiss #aaron hotchner #criminal minds fanfiction

179 notes · View notes

itsallyscorner · 4 years

Note

Ik someone else already asked for like a delivery part (and honestly, that would be amazing. Like imagine the girls reacting to Baby Mix casually dropping it in their chat). But, also imagine Tom and Y/N haven’t released anything to the public and Perrie (my loose-lipped queen) let’s it spill over a virtual interview or something, how chaotic would that be????

Anyway, I truly loved your Baby Mix stories. You’re combining two of my favourite things so effortlessly. Thank you💜💜💜

Hello my love! So sorry for the long wait, I hope you don’t mind! Thank you for requesting this and being so patient with me❤️ I’m so glad you’re enjoying the Little Mix reader! stories🥰 I haven’t written a delivery part yet but I already had an idea of how I wanted to write this so...here ya go! Happy reading🤎🧸

💌.

Meet Aunty Pez

She would be the best aunty in the world, ugh🥺 Also I’m so sorry I haven’t been active, school has been keeping me busy, but hopefully it’ll ease up soon! Sending all my love to all of you💞

At 3:14am, on an early Monday morning, the bundle of joy that you and Tom have been waiting nine months for has finally arrived. After hours of enduring pain and labor, Amelia May Holland was born. Weighing at 7.5 lbs, she had the same bright chocolate colored eyes as her father, gorgeous brown hair, a mix of your and Tom’s nose, and thankfully she inherited your lips. She was a precious little thing, always cradled in the arms of either of her parents, since they both couldn’t believe she was finally in the real world with them.

The sun casted soft rays of light into the hospital room you and your little family occupied. The warm light added to the peaceful atmosphere you were all currently in. You were sat against the hospital bed, cradling Amelia in your arms, while you and Tom stared at her in fascination. You lean your head against Tom’s shoulder, eyes never leaving your baby girl, who’s nose momentarily scrunched up.

Softly chuckling, you glance at Tom, “Not even a day old and she’s already doing a habit of yours.” The gentle smile grows even wider on Tom’s lips, a sense of pride rushing through his veins.

“Well she’s definitely her father’s daughter.” He hums, his arm around your shoulder pulls you flush against his chest. Tom hides his face in the crook of your neck, placing feather light kisses onto your skin trailing down to your shoulder, where he rests his chin.

“I can’t believe we made her. Isn’t she the most gorgeous baby in the world?” He speaks in a hushed voice, cautious of startling his newborn daughter awake. He gazes at Amelia with a fond expression on his face, large fingers gingerly reaching out to softly stroke the back of his baby’s hand. She’s only been here a few hours and she’s already wrapped him around her dainty little fingers. He would go to extreme measures to do anything for her and to make sure she lived the best life she can. She was to be treated like a princess in his eyes; because she was his princess and you’ve been bumped up to be his queen.

“She’s all we’ve ever wanted.” You turn to face Tom over your shoulder. The whole morning, ever since you gave birth, the two of you spent most of the time admiring Amelia and would burst into tears at how proud you were of each other. Not only had you both just made the most precious baby in the world, but this was a new chapter in your lives. A new experience of life with a stronger bond, full of love, and years of memories that’ll be looked back on in the future.

Tom shifts his gaze to you, the look in his eyes changing to adoration. He tenderly kisses your lips, repeating the actions a few more times before speaking. “Thank you so much for this. Thank you for being an amazing wife and giving me a family. I love you so, so, so, so, much. You have no idea.” He brushes his nose against yours, shutting his eyes, to savor the meaningful moment.

“I wouldn’t be doing this with anyone else but you. You’re gonna be such an amazing dad.” You beam at him. Tom softly chuckles, leaning his forehead against your temple, “God, I hope.”

“You will, you’ll be the best one in her eyes. I already know it.” You reassure him, pecking the corner of his mouth. You turn your attention back to Amelia, who was still sleeping peacefully in your arms.

“So when should we tell everyone?” Tom asks, resting his chin on your shoulder again. You lean the back of your head against his shoulder, making yourself comfortable in his arms.

“I think we should tell our family and friends first. I’m not ready to share her to the public yet, I want her to only be ours for now.” You quietly explain. You feel Tom smile against your skin.

“Of course, darling. Whatever you’re most comfortable with, that’s what we’ll go with.”

(Y/n)🌻: sent a photo

We thought Amelia might want to pop in and say hello to her favorite aunties for the first time!❤️

Perrie🦋: oh my goodness! Congratulations🥳🥳 I’m over the moon for the both of you!!

Oh she’s precious! Look at those cheeks!! I can’t wait to meet her🥺

Jade💜: OMG WE SHARE THE SAME NAME!!

I’m so happy for you and Tom!! You guys are going to be the most amazing parents in the world!❤️

Leigh-Anne😻: Baby Amelia, you are the most adorable baby I’ve ever seen!!!😍 Babe, you and Tom have some really good genes👀

Congrats you two!! I’m so proud of you both❤️❤️❤️

Jesy💖: Thank god Amelia got (y/n)’s genes for her lips!!😂😂 I can’t imagine another loose-lipped Holland!

I’m so happy for you guys!! I can’t believe you’re already a mum, darling🥺 We love you so much and can’t wait to see you and Baby Amelia❤️

(Y/n)🌻: You guys🥺🥺 I can’t wait to see you all and get out of this hospital! This bed isn’t doing anything for my back😭

Perrie🦋: You must be so exhausted lovey, how are you doing? I hope everything went well during delivery!

(Y/n)🌻: Very painful, I felt like I was about to pass out omg😭 The doctor kept on telling me to push, I didn’t know if I was shitting myself or pushing the baby out😭

Tom’s been amazing the entire time. Bless him, I think I broke his hand while I was pushing :(

Jesy💖: Omg!! What was Tom’s reaction to childbirth?!!

(Y/n)🌻: If you thought he couldn’t get even paler, you thought wrong! He was as white as the walls in the room😭😭 He was a good sport through it all though!

Also, Amelia’s crying. I’ve got to go, I’ll talk to you girls soon!! And good luck with the interview today, you guys are gonna smash it xx

Perrie🦋: Don’t worry about us! You’re officially on maternity leave now! We’ll send your regards for the interviewer❤️

Leigh-Anne😻: Look at our baby mama! We love you❤️❤️❤️

Jade💜: Say hello to baby Amelia and that Aunty Jade loves her🥰

Jesy💖: ^Kiss ass, she’s not even a day old and the competition for best Aunty has already begun smh.

Bye darling, we’ll catch up with you soon❤️

You smiled at your screen before turning it off and placing it onto the table beside your bed. Tom was pacing the room, cradling Amelia against his chest. He was gently rocking her back and forth, alternating from shushing her to humming some sort of tune underneath his breath. You sat back and admired the curly headed boy that’s claimed your heart. Not only was he the love of your life but he was also the father of your child. Sure you guys were young, both in your late 20s, but the daddy role definitely fit Tom perfectly.

Tom must’ve felt your stare because he turned around and sent you a tired smile. He walked towards your bed and motioned for you to lay down. Using one had to cradle Amelia, he used the other to help you get comfy in the hospital bed. Still with one hand, he fixed your hair on the pillow so that it was away from your face. His large calloused hand cradled your jaw, “Get some sleep, darling. I know how tired you are.”

You pouted at him, “But what about Amelia?” He shook his head, his thumb stroking your cheek, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll try and get her to sleep. You just close your pretty eyes and get some rest in.”

“What if she’s hungry?”

“If she doesn’t fall asleep, then I’ll wake you up. Just please get some sleep, love. You haven’t taken a proper nap since this morning and I know you’re already close to knocking out.” He reasoned with pleading eyes. You sigh finally giving in, lazily nodding in response. Tom beams at you and leans down to place a tender kiss onto your lips.

“I love you both.” You mumble against his lips. He pecks your lips once more, “And we love you too, mummy.” The moment you closed your eyes, you were out like a light.

You managed to take a nap for about half an hour until you felt a few pats on your shoulder. You were immediately awake, turning your head to look for Amelia. You looked at the hospital bassinet, where you could see her sleeping peacefully.

“What’s wrong?” You ask Tom. He was sat beside your bed with his phone held in his hand watching something.

“I’m so sorry for waking you, but you should see this.” He apologized with a pitiful smile. He scoots closer to the bed so you can look at the screen. Your brows furrow together in question as you stare at Tom; it was the girls’ interview.

“Just watch.”

“Hello ladies! Thank you for joining me today!” The interviewer started. A round of “hellos” and waves were seen on the recorded Zoom session.

“Thank you for having us!” Leigh-Anne said.

“Yeah, it’s always a pleasure to be on your show, Zach.” Jade gushed. Zach made a show of flattery making them all laugh.

“I mean I guess I should start by asking how are all of you?”

Jesy was the first to answer, “I’d say we’re all doing pretty good, aren’t we girls? You know—just trying to get by especially with all that’s going on in the world.”

Perrie agreed, “Yeah, we’re lucky enough to be healthy and have the privilege to work. So I’d say we’re very blessed and making the best out of situation.”

“That’s great for you girls. AND speaking of making the best of the situation, thank you for giving us entertainment! I’ve been watching The Search and I’m absolutely obsessed.” Zach began, complimenting the show. He continued, “Although I did notice, that there’s only four of you at the moment, and in the show. How is it like to not have (y/n) around?”

Jesy pouted, the other girls having familiar reactions at the lack of your presence.

“As much as we miss her, it’s best for her and the baby to stay home and away from the public. When it comes to your career or family; family comes first, so it was totally understandable.” Jesy explained.

Jade chirped in, “Well, she’s not completely missing out. She’s had a few virtual appearances on the show and we’ve all been in contact, we always know what she’s up to.”

“How’s she doing? With the baby preparations and all?” Zach asked the girls. Their faces immediately brightened with joy, especially Perrie how squealed and clapped her hands in delight.

“Oh she’s doing wonderful, we were just texting her! She’s officially on maternity leave!” Perrie cheered. On the screen, Jesy eyed Perrie warily.

“Officially on maternity leave?”

Perrie smiled widely, “Yes, she is! She sent us a photo of the baby in our group chat and my goodness! Their baby is so cute, I just want to pinch her little cheeks!”

The three other girls’ eyes widened at the things coming out of Perrie’s mouth too stunned to say anything.

Zach squinted at Perrie, “Wait she’s already had the baby?”

“PERRIE!”

“Yeah, today actually.” The blonde answered proudly.

“PERRIE SHUT UP!”

“STOP TALKING!”

Perrie stopped, looking at the three girls offendedly, “What?”

“Oh my god, she did not.” Leigh-Anne facepalmed herself. Jade’s jaw was slack and Jesy’s eyes were wide with horror.

“Babe, do you know what you just did?” Jesy questioned Perrie, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose in stress.

You paused the video, taking in what just happened.

Tom eyed you carefully, “Your phone’s been blowing up consistently. Pez even called me to apologize, she feels really bad (y/n).”

You frowned knowing that Perrie was most likely upset at herself. You’ve been friends with Perrie for years now. It was common knowledge amongst you and the girls that if something big and secretive were to happen, you were to never tell Perrie. Not that you all wanted to leave her out on propose, she just didn’t know how to keep her mouth shut. When Perrie found things that made her happy or excited, she didn’t know how to contain her happiness. So it wasn’t completely a surprise to learn she’s told the world you and Tom were finally parents.

Tom noticed that you were still quiet, “Are you mad, darling?”

You shook your head, “No—no, I’m not mad at her. I know Perrie can get too excited sometimes.”

“So you’re okay with this?” Tom asked you, knowing that just an hour ago you said you wanted to keep Amelia away from the public. His hand reaches for yours, grasping it.

You tilted your head at the ceiling, “Yeah, I guess I am? I mean it’s not like she said Amelia’s name or anything. All she told them was that I gave birth already.” You paused and turned to look at Tom.

“Plus, I think she’s saved us the trouble of figuring out how to tell the world about Amelia.” You send him a smile. He reciprocates the action and brings your hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it. “We don’t have to tell them anything more. All they have to know is that you’ve given birth and our little princess is healthy. Also that we’re very happy. The rest of the details will only be for us. For now.”

“For now.” You confirmed squeezing his hand. You glanced at your phone and motioned for Tom to give it to you. Scrolling through your contacts you clicked on Perrie’s name, “I guess we should call her and thank her.”

You clicked on the FaceTime icon and not even a second later, Perrie immediately answered the call.

“I am so sorry.” She apologized, hand covering her face. You chuckle at her and shake your head, “We’re actually calling you to thank you Pez.”

Her face contorts into confusion, “What do you mean thank me? I just exposed the two of you during a live interview.”

Tom poked his head into frame, “Well one, you’ve announced that Amelia’s here already, so that’s one thing off our list. And two, you just saved me months worth of relief during interviews. Now that everyone knows we have a baby, I don’t need to be scared of accidentally slipping it out when I have to do promos!”

The blonde looked between both you and Tom I’m disbelief, “Are you kidding me? If I knew you two would’ve responded this way I wouldn’t have been spending the last hour beating myself up for it.”

You laughed smiling at her. Perrie beamed at the both of you, “For just delivering a baby, you look gorgeous hun. You’re glowing.”

“Aw thank you, lovey.” You look at Amelia from the corner of your eye. “Do you wanna see her?” Perrie eagerly nods at the camera. Tom takes the camera and rounds your bed to the bassinet. Aiming the camera above Amelia he said, “Amelia, meet Aunty Pez.”

Tags ↴

*tags with a like through them don’t work:(*

Little Mix!reader Tags ↴

↪︎ @waxingmoonwrites @slutforsebstan @starslazyandcosy @xkonpinkx @dummiesshort @gypsystuf @kielemarie @wroetospidey @thatgirlangelb @have-aheart @adayasgeorgia @xeniarocks @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @agustdowney @povswifts @imthebadguyyy @tomsirishgirlx @roseke @kaylans-imagines

Tom Holland Tags ↴

↪︎ @lovableparker @aprettyfleur @sunwardsss @dummiesshort @thotforcriminalminds @cuddlykoala101 @itstaskeen @whoslili @white-wolf1940 @tomsirishgirlx @roseke @kaylans-imagines @spideyspeaches @xxstrangegirlxxx @slutforsebstan @

General Tags ↴

↪︎ @quxxnxfhxll @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @thegirlwiththediary

#marvel #mcu #avengers #Tom Holland #ally’s requests #Tom Holland x reader #tom holland imagines #dad!tom holland x reader #Tom Holland fluff #tom holland drabble #tom holland one shot #tom holland fanfiction #little mix #perrie edwards #jesy nelson #jade thirlwall #leigh anne pinnock

377 notes · View notes

bleachluna · 3 years

Text

Letters

Ended up skipping day 2 of @hitsukarinweek as I had no ideas for it but here’s my fic for day 3! Also on AO3

Dear Toshiro,

Can you please explain to me how the hell Soul Society managed to copy mobile phones from humans, and even put hollow tracking technology in them, but didn't make them able to send stuff across realms? I know you explained that SS phones in soul society can only contact those in soul society, and when they're here in the human world they can only contact those here, but I only realised how ridiculously stupid that is until after you left. What if there's an emergency and you need to contact someone across realms for whatever reason? Surely you need to get this fixed, I cannot believe if I want to talk to you I'm stuck writing letters like it's the 1800s. I'm even writing more formally than I expected, apparently letter writing brings it out of me and I absolutely hate it. You've gotta fix it. Not to mention I'm not a fan of leaving letters for Urahara to pass on for me, I'm not totally convinced he won't read them.

Anyway, it's been a couple of months since I saw you last. That's probably a good thing, that a captain hasn't been needed here, but I'll admit I wonder about you sometimes, I hope everything is ok on your end! I don't know what it was about turning sixteen but all of a sudden all of this stuff about trying to figure out careers is on me constantly. Yuzu figured out years ago that she wanted to go into healthcare, she took to it way back when we were kids. She was originally planning to go into nursing but her grades have improved a lot recently, she might be a doctor instead, but she's also thinking about midwifery. So there's stuff she's gotta figure out for sure, but at least she knows what area she wants to go into? I don't even have that. I mean how do you figure out what to do with the rest of your life when you're sixteen? I haven't even figured myself out yet. How did you decide to become a shinigami?

Other than that though things are ok. School is a little stressful because grades suddenly feel so much more important, but the work's manageable at least. Hollow level seems to be stable at the minute too which is great, one less thing to worry about! And Urahara improved his reiatsu blocking bracelet thing, I've had this one for almost four months and it hasn't broken so even less chance of getting eaten! Always a plus. But anyway, I hope things are good on your end as well, and that you aren't buried up to your ears in paperwork. Let me know if you ever have any plans to pop up in the human world!

Best Wishes,

Karin

P.S. - I sent this on the 22nd of June, let me know when this gets to you/when you send yours, I wanna know what sort of delivery time we're looking at here.

- - - - -

Dear Karin,

I don't even remotely have the skills or know-how to fix something like that, that's what the Research & Development Team is for. I agree it's a little daft that our mobile phones can't send things across realms, but I'm sure said team knows this and is likely working on it, as you said, it would be unfortunate in an emergency situation. Plus I know Urahara can be a little eccentric, but do you really think he'd read the letters? I'm sure it's fine.

It is a good thing I've not been needed, the last thing Karakura needs is more trouble and destruction. Have they managed to rebuild that major bridge you were talking about yet? Everything is alright here, or at least in my division anyway. I've been kept busy recently, a set of students graduated from the academy last month so I've had 18 new recruits to introduce to squad 10. As for the careers stuff, I honestly assumed from the work you did here and there for the clinic that you were interested in healthcare as well, I take it that's not actually the case then? Do you at least have rough ideas of the sort of thing you'd want to go into? I'm not sure I'll be much help in that respect, I can't wrap my head around half of the jobs that seem to exist in the human world. In some ways I had it easier, the choice was out of my hands. My reiatsu was getting stronger and Hyorinmaru came to me before I even knew what was happening, I needed to go to the academy to make sure my reiatsu didn't become dangerous, therefore I became a shinigami. I never had to wonder what to do with myself in terms of employment.

I'm glad to hear things are going well with you, I'm certainly glad to hear you don't have to worry as much about the bracelet breaking. Is your reiatsu still increasing? If it's stabilising that might be part of why this new bracelet is managing better. I know you're not particularly interested in getting involved with shinigami stuff, which frankly I agree with, but if your reiatsu is still increasing I do think it's worth training you to hide it properly. I am unfortunately always at least a little buried in paperwork, particularly recently with the new recruits, but it's manageable. I don't think I'll be in the human world soon, but I will let you know if I plan to.

Best Wishes,

Toshiro

P.S. - I got your letter on the 2nd of July, I should be handing this letter over to be sent on the 4th, schedule permitting.

- - - - -

Dear Toshiro,

Well I hope you make sure that the research team are working on it, because this really is ridiculous. And you're kidding right? I trust Urahara about as far as I can throw him, which is probably all of three feet.

The bridge is still being rebuilt, but I think they're in the last stages now thank god. All the diversions needed really messed with the traffic, maybe I can finally stop leaving the house half an hour earlier just to get to my soccer club. It's supposed to be twenty minutes max by bus and it's been taking easily twice that. Let me know if you find out which shinigami it was that released their zanpakuto on that bridge, I have some choice words for them.

An entire class of students graduated and you only got 18 newbies at the tenth? Was it a small class or is that the normal kind of numbers you see? I assumed there's like, thousands and thousands of shinigami, is there less than I thought? Is that why I only ever see you and Rukia besides the dude who's currently stationed here? And I don't know about going into healthcare, that's my whole problem! I don't know what I want. Healthcare is fine but I don't feel like it's my life purpose to go into it either so yeah, I don't know. Healthcare would be alright, sports would be cool maybe? But I don't think there's a whole lot of sports careers outside of professional (which is definitely not happening) or teaching, and I'm not convinced I'm the teacher type. I just don't seem to have this strong urge to go in a particular direction like Yuzu does. But wow, I didn't know that, you basically HAD to train to be a shinigami? I didn't know that was a thing that could happen, that your reiatsu can go that far on its own. That kind of sucks though doesn't it? That you had no choice? I hope you enjoy being a shinigami at least.

To be honest I think my reiatsu probably is still going up. I don't think it's as quick as it was before, it's settled a little bit, probably because there hasn't been much danger around recently, but I do think it's still inching up. Is that a huge issue? Obviously it became a huge issue with you so now I'm kinda nervous. I'm not gonna get kidnapped into the shinigami am I? I can train to hide my reiatsu without actually becoming a shinigami right? Frankly I trust you more on this than Urahara. And you better let me know in advance if you can, Yuzu says she wants to make you those dumplings you liked again.

Best Wishes,

Karin

P.S. - I got excited at first thinking that sending these took less than two weeks, that didn't seem that bad considering we're sending them via Urahara whenever someone comes through realms, but then your letter took almost a month to come, it arrived on the 27th :( I'm handing this letter over on the 28th.

- - - - -

Dear Karin,

The Research & Development Team is not under my command, they belong to the twelfth, I cannot make sure that they're working on it, but I shall ask at the next opportunity I get. I think you're selling yourself short, I'm sure you could get at least five feet, but I do see your point, I can't say I fully trust him either, not on an individual basis anyway. I trust him to want the best for everybody, and to work towards that, but I don't think he pays attention to what that means for the individuals in the situation. More of a 'the end justifies the means' sort of person from what I've heard. And I'm afraid I have no idea who it was who damaged the bridge, but given they were fighting a powerful hollow at the time I imagine it was the correct course of action. Better on the bridge than in the middle of town.

I get the impression there is less shinigami than you think. Most squads have just over two hundred or so members, so 18 new recruits is actually a pretty good year. As for why you only really see me or Vice-Captain Kuchiki, it's a combination of needing a strong enough shinigami to deal with the sort of problems that crop up in Karakura, while also needing said shinigami to have a vague clue on how to navigate the human world. Vice-Captain Kuchiki presumably has rather extensive knowledge having lived in the human world for months, and I've been known to visit for years so they know I'm alright with being there as well. I think it's alright to not have an idea of a 'life's purpose' when you're in your second year of high school. Maybe just pick something for now as a sort of in-between while you continue working out what it is you want? Sometimes a job is just a job after all. You could always try a career in sports and see how it goes if it interests you now, and switch later on? I'm sure you'll figure something out. I'll admit I was definitely reluctant to train as a shinigami at first, it was never something I wanted originally, so it was hard to deal with to begin with I suppose, but I don't mind it these days. It's stressful, but at least I'm doing something where I'm trying to keep people safe, that suits me well enough.

Unfortunately yes, in my case my reiatsu continuously going up was an issue, but I don't think it's as serious with you. Firstly, you've not got a zanpakuto knocking on your subconscious as far as I know (the telltale giveaway is weird dreams where someone/something is trying to talk to you and tell you it's name, in case you were worried about that), and the people around you aren't vulnerable. You're unlikely to cause issues with your reiatsu because everyone around you has some degree of spiritual power already. As for the other questions, I certainly hope you won't be kidnapped into the shinigami, and I don't think your brother or even Urahara would let that happen, but it's possible you'll get Soul Society's attention if it keeps going unchecked. Of course with Urahara keeping on eye on it and keeping the reiatsu blocking bracelet on you, I'd argue that it's largely taken care of and shouldn't get other shinigami on you. There isn't much shinigami training you can do without becoming a shinigami, but you can learn to withdraw and hide your reiatsu even as a human so don't worry about that. I would say to ask your brother but he's never been very good at controlling his, Urahara is your other option, or possibly Vice-Captain Kuchiki if she's around. Or if those don't work out and your reiatsu gets to a point where you're truly worried about it let me know, I'll train you in it myself if it comes to it. Also, I appreciate the thought but your sister doesn't need to go to trouble like that for me.

Best Wishes,

Toshiro

P.S. - I got your letter on the 17th of August. I think it's safe to say they take anywhere from over a week to just under a month to arrive each time.

- - - - -

Dear Toshiro,

Let me know what the research team says! If they say they're not working on it please heavily suggest that they do, and if they say they are working on it, please ask how long they think it'll take them. Just think how much easier communicating would be if we could just call each other. The end justifies the means is EXACTLY Urahara's vibe, which is exactly why I don't really trust him. So yeah, it wouldn't even remotely surprise me if he's been reading these the entire time, better to assume the worst and be pleasantly surprised than the other way around. I suppose you have a point about the bridge being a better location than in the middle of a bunch of people, I'll put up with inconvenient travel times over unnecessary death.

Only a little over two hundred per squad? There is less than I thought! That's way less than your average university over here, that's crazy! 18 newbies is good in that case, your squad must be pretty popular. And no wonder I only really ever see you or Rukia, you guys clearly need to work on getting more people up to the speed with the human world or you're gonna end up over-worked! I guess I could just go for sports now and switch later? I don't know, you kinda get it into your head that you've gotta figure out what you want and stick to it, but I guess there's nothing actually stopping me from changing paths later. Once school goes back in I'm gonna get a meeting and talk to the careers lady, see what she says. I'm glad you're alright with being a shinigami now, hopefully it isn't stressful too much of the time.

Well, I'll take your word for it, you know more than me on this but I'm still kinda wary. You're right that there's no zanpakto trying to get my attention so far at least so that's something. If I do get kidnapped by the shinigami I'm trusting you to break me back out, but yeah that is kind of the whole point of the bracelet, that it blocks off my reiatsu from others so hollows can't find me so easily (and shinigami apparently, yeesh) so hopefully this won't actually be an issue. I don't really want to ask Urahara to train me but I will if I have to I guess. Asking Rukia's a good idea though! I'll ask whenever she next pops up, she seems like she'd be good at that sort of thing, maybe that'll solve this whole situation. Or you know, you, if you happen to come sooner, whoever comes to the human world next I guess! I'd feel better knowing that I myself could do the thing the bracelet's doing. Although I do have a question, how do you do it in your sleep? Or is it not possible and you're just vulnerable a third of the time? That seems unfortunate. Also you're kidding right? Cooking is the primary way my sister shows her care and affection, if she wants to cook for you there's no stopping her so you can at least give us notice so we can get ingredients and stuff.

Best Wishes,

Karin

- - - - -

Dear Karin,

I will let you know what the research team says as soon as it actually comes up. I can see your point, I suppose it is better to plan for the worst and be pleasantly surprised otherwise. Good to see you have your priorities in order, is the bridge finally finished though?

I remember being surprised by the size of your high school, I assume universities are even bigger? Must be an administrative nightmare to keep track of all those students, I feel like I can have a hard enough time with the 226 members I have. Squad 10 was surprisingly popular this year, the only other squads who had numbers like that were the sixth and the eleventh, both of which always have high numbers. We did have 'human world' classes at the academy at one point, but they ended up being scrapped a decade or so ago, any information learned was rendered almost completely obsolete within a few years, meaning the stuff the students learned was more or less useless by the time they were actually getting stationed in the human world. These days we just give a brief information pack about the human world before they leave, currently being updated semi-regularly by Vice-Captain Kuchiki. Meeting with a staff member whose job it is to deal with career pathways certainly sounds like a good idea, I hope it goes well if it hasn't already taken place.

Once again, I certainly hope Soul Society would try such a thing, it would be incredibly stupid considering I don't think your brother, who damn near took on the whole of Soul Society and pretty much came out on top, would ever let you get kidnapped in the first place. And I'm fairly sure me, a captain, breaking out someone Soul Society captured is probably considered treason of some kind, but I can promise I'll be in your corner one way or another. Not to mention, I don't think most shinigami would be prepared for you anyway, most are too used to sword combat, I don't think the average shinigami would handle your hand to hand very well. I'm sure you've got nothing to worry about. As for hiding your reiatsu in your sleep, generally speaking you just practice it enough that it becomes second nature, most shinigami do it subconsciously after a while, including in sleep, although nightmares and the like can interfere a little bit. Your sister has met me what, three times? She feels strongly enough to cook for me? It really is unnecessary although I'm sure the thought is kind. I did say I'd give you notice if I came to the human world though, our sensors are showing an increase in hollow activity in Karakura recently. We're currently just monitoring, we're holding off for now as it might be temporary, but if it gets worse I'm coming to monitor the situation properly and to make sure no incidents happen with the hollow increase. Judging from the current rate, if it keeps going as is I'll probably be there in two weeks or so. With any luck this letter will arrive before I do but if not, I'll make sure to meet up with you somewhere.

Best Wishes,

Toshiro

- - - - -

Dear Toshiro,

Your letter got here super quick, less than a week after I sent mine! Looks like there's increased shinigami activity to match the hollow activity, which boy, you're not kidding that its increased. My reiatsu's jumped up again and I couldn't tell you if it was a response to all the hollows around, or that the hollows arrived because of me. I really hope it's the former. Hopefully you'll be here soon! I think I could do with the training sooner rather than later and if I'm being honest I'd feel safer. But anyway, in response to your letter:

The bridge is actually finished! Just in time for the increased hollows to fuck it up again I'm sure! Most universities are like 10,000 to 30,000 easy, and I think some are bigger than that? So yeah, only two hundred or so shinigami per squad is insane to me. I'm pretty sure the universities have whole administrative teams just for the purpose, does your squad have an admin person at all or is it just you? When I first found out about the shinigami I didn't think I'd sit here wondering about the bureaucracy of it all but here I am. Oh wow I would've loved to sit in one of those human world classes, would've been hilarious I bet. At least you give newly stationed people something, I imagine the culture shock must be a bit much, I'm sure Rukia's information is very accurate given how much time she's spent here. And the careers meeting is actually in two days, I kinda nervous about it to be honest, but hopefully it'll be helpful.

Well I suppose when you put it that way Soul Society kidnapping me would very much be poking the bear huh? I'm extremely saddened to hear that you wouldn't commit treason for me though, what kind of friendship is this??? But I suppose I'll take comfort in you being 'in my corner one way or another', whatever that means. Does it mean in the event of soul society kidnapping me and forcing me to be a shinigami you'd immediately put me in your squad? That's the vibe I'm getting. But that's good to know about the hand to hand combat and the reiatsu withdrawing while still asleep, I'll bear those both in mind. As for your potential visit, given hollows seem to be popping up left right and centre I'm assuming you're probably coming in a week or so, I'll look out for your arrival! I get the impression this letter isn't going to get to you before you arrive in the human world but just in case it does I'll let you know, Yuzu added the dumpling ingredients onto her shopping list. That means you've gotta be at our house for at least one dinner! Consider it repayment for the training I'm gonna demand from you.

Hope you get here safe,

Karin

#hitsukarin #hitsukarinweek #hitsukarinweek2021 #toshiro hitsugaya #karin kurosaki #bleach #my writing #once again strongly recommend reading this on the blog itself or ao3 #the dash formatting is not great and this is a little under 4k

27 notes · View notes

starlocked01 · 4 years

Text

ROYGBIV

AO3 @tsshipmonth2020

Masterpost- Previous- Next

Summary: Patton loves to see the colors of his soulmates everywhere around him, but he hasn't found a way to meet any of them yet. When it becomes clear they're finding each other, Patton wonders if they even want to find him.

Day 4 DRLAMP- You see a path of color left behind by your Soulmate

Patton loved the rainbow of trails that crisscrossed his world. The paths usually lasted a day before fading away but they were all close enough in the city that he saw their mosaic frequently.

When Patton left for work in the mornings, he smiled at Violet's path as it traveled down the sidewalk. He often wished he could take a day or two to try and track that path back to a house or Violet's work, but the path crossed itself so many times and ran practically everywhere through the city. He was certain Violet had to have seen his path, so maybe it was a one-sided bond. The man sure was busy all over town as it was so maybe he just didn't have enough time to look for Patton. Or he didn't want to.

Patton would arrive at the post office and pick up his deliveries for the day before starting his route. He greeted everyone with a smile and if they seemed in need of cheering up, he'd crack a joke.

About a quarter of the way through his route, Patton often found himself following pretty closely with Yellow's path. He was pretty sure Yellow was a lawyer because his path spent so much time between the municipal courts and prison. Patton didn’t like to imagine Yellow was on the other side of that coin so a lawyer he had to be.

After lunchtime, he often found the point where Red and Green met up and visited a local deli together each day. Patton wondered if the two saw each other’s path or if they just happened to know each other by coincidence. Some days he stopped at the same deli for his own lunch.

Indigo must be so smart; he was always at the local college campus where Patton's last few deliveries were. Maybe he was a graduate-level student or a professor! Patton liked to admire Indigo's path after his last delivery and sometimes followed it off campus to the local park. Sometimes Indigo and Violet's paths joined up and led up to the top of a hill. Patton wondered when they met up because he never found them there but they seemed to go there together often.

One day after his route, Patton found that Yellow had joined Indigo and Violet on the hill. That couldn't be a coincidence. Did they see him pass by when they came back the next day? What color did they see him as?

This left him as the only one who hadn't met any of the others.

Patton sighed and headed home to make dinner. He didn't like feeling left out. But there wasn't much he could do if he never ran into any of them.

The next day he followed the three paths to the hill again, but this time he found an envelope in the grass. The outside was marked with neat print handwriting and read "Sky Blue". Looking around he picked up the envelope and opened it. Inside was a note in the same neat handwriting.

Dear Sky Blue,

We see your path here each night when we come to stargaze together. We want to meet you and Red and Green. Take this letter with you so we know you found it and come back tonight at 9 PM.

Sincerely,

Logan (Indigo), Virgil (Violet), and Janus (Yellow)

The names were each signed in different handwriting. Patton felt his heart soar at the thought of meeting his soulmates. He hurried home to prepare for that night.

First, Patton had to decide what to wear. They called him Sky Blue, so maybe his work shirt would be a good idea? He shrugged and decided to go with the light blue polo and khakis. He tied a light grey cardigan around his shoulders just in case it got cold that night. He looked in the mirror. This was either the best look he'd ever come up with or the absolute dorkiest outfit he owned. He'd make it work.

Indigo, Violet, and Yellow (no.. Logan, Virgil, and Janus) hadn't said to bring anything, but it felt rude to show up empty-handed. Patton quickly set to work in the kitchen making snickerdoodle cookies. By the time the last tray was coming out of the oven, Patton checked the time and realized he needed to leave 5 minutes ago. He quickly packed the cookies up and ran for the park.

He got to the hill, out of breath but right on time and took a moment to look at the vibrant paths ahead of him. Virgil and Logan must have walked to the park together and met Janus here at the base of the hill. His eyes followed the paths up to the top where an aura of purple, blue, and gold was shining with a halo effect. He couldn’t see anyone but they had to be up there. Patton couldn't remember feeling this nervous before in his life. With a gulp, he started to climb the hill.

"Maybe the note scared Sky Blue off," Virgil suggested, laying on a blanket with his hands cushioning his neck, his hoodie splayed out underneath him.

"Why would it have scared him? I was formal and polite," Logan squinted his eyes at Virgil.

"Exactly, L."

"Maybe someone else picked up the letter," Janus poured himself a glass of wine and glanced down the hill. He failed to mention the man hiking his way up with a trail of light blue behind him.

"Perhaps, but why would they have taken it with them if it wasn't for them?" Logan reasoned.

"To throw it out? I mean it was litter," Janus smirked at Logan.

"Nah, I think he got it. His path is standing like right on top of where I left it," Virgil shrugged, "we'll find out sooner or later."

"Ah, hello?" Patton called up the hill as he neared the top. Logan and Virgil snapped their heads towards the sound of the voice.

Janus glanced at Patton again with a knowing smirk, "probably just a ranger coming to send us packing."

"You're a really bad liar, Jan," Virgil admonished, propping himself up on his elbow as Patton huffed his way into view of the three men.

"Sorry… I'm late…." Patton took some deep breaths, practically doubled over, "had to get…. the cookies… out of the… oven," He took one last deep breath and sat down on the ground before looking up at the others.

"Sky Blue, it's really you," Virgil gave Patton a smile.

"My name is Patton and I can't believe we're all here," Patton looked at each of their faces, trying to memorize each one.

"Baked goods? I'll pass. But it is good to meet you, Patton," Logan smiled before turning back to the telescope he was assembling.

Patton held up the tray of cookies to the other two and Janus quickly grabbed one. Virgil took two, stuffing one in his pocket before laying back down on the blanket.

"So, how did you all meet?" Patton chose one of the hundreds of questions threatening to spill out of his mouth all at once.

"I deliver doordash so it was kinda just a matter of time," Virgil spoke up.

"Yes, Virgil delivered to me once and we made it a habit to come out here after dinner to relax," Logan looked up from the telescope.

"Much like you, I found their trails meeting up and took the opportunity to trace the dark blue one back to Logan’s office," Janus smirked.

"Some would call that stalking," Virgil interjected.

"Is it stalking if you're soulmates?" Janus retorted.

"I suggested leaving you the note. It was fairly obvious you'd found this spot but missed our meet-ups each time. We haven't figured out how to contact Red or Green yet," Logan mused, proud his idea had worked.

"Oh, so you see them too?" Patton smiled, his own idea coming together.

"Yes, it appears we each have five soulmates. A bit of an anomaly but it's worked well so far," Logan grinned, moving to sit next to Janus.

"Any more than five would just be a crowd," Janus laid his hand on Logan's, resting his head on the other’s shoulder.

"And I hate crowds," Virgil spoke up from the ground. Patton shifted to sit closer to him, grabbing one of his cookies for himself.

"Guys, I might know how we can contact Red and Green. We should write another note and I can deliver it somewhere I know they'll find it," Patton grinned at the others, glad he could contribute to the dynamic.

Virgil looked up at Patton, "wait you're actually a postman? How come you never found any of us first?"

"Probably because I have to keep my deliveries on schedule," Patton shrugged, "neither rain nor sleet nor dark of night, right?"

"Well that makes perfect sense," Janus rolled his eyes, "although we should do another note for the other two."

"Let's get writing," Logan rummaged in his messenger bag for paper and pens.

"Okay no, it's my turn, Teach," Virgil sat up and grabbed the paper from Logan. Logan huffed at him but tossed him a purple pen anyway.

Patton was so excited to see Red and Green's trails by the deli the next day that he completely missed that they both went inside but only Red's came back out. He headed directly to the counter, greeting the server behind the counter who he'd spoken with several times before when he heard a loud gasp behind him.

"It's You!" Patton turned around in alarm to find a man with a bright green aura standing much too close to him with an almost manic grin on his face.

"It's me?"

"Baby Blue! I told Ro you'd come in today but he didn't want to wait," the man grabbed Patton in a big hug. His grip was terrifyingly strong. Patton barely managed to worm his way out of the embrace.

"Hi there! You were waiting for me?" Patton straightened out his uniform, the letter from the others clutched in his hand.

"Yup! I'm Remus and my brother is gonna be so mad he didn't wait," Remus grinned and offered a hand to Patton.

Patton blinked, "wait, your brother? Red is your brother? Isn't that… weird?"

"Oh, we can't see each other’s trail. But we both see the same four colors around town so we made a bet that y'all see both of us and I just won 20 bucks," Remus laughed and noticed the letter in Patton's hand, "who's that for, Baby Blue?"

"Oh, my name is Patton, and this is actually for you and Red- wait you called him 'Ro', right?" Patton handed over the letter.

"Short for Roman," Remus scanned the letter quickly, "got it. We'll be there tonight. See ya Pattycake!" And with that Remus tore out of the store, leaving Patton clutching his hat to his head.

"Wonderful, I think?"

Patton smiled, helping Virgil stretch out the blanket on top of the hill while Logan fiddled with the telescope. The others had yet to arrive but he was excited for them to meet Roman and Remus.

"So they're brothers? That doesn't bother them?" Virgil asked skeptically.

"Well they aren't soulmates to each other, they both see all of us though," Patton explained for the third time.

"Riiight," Virgil rolled his eyes and grabbed a cookie, "Pat, you're gonna have to stop bringing these. They're way too good. I can't stop."

"Have a second cookie! You've earned it," Patton grinned, grabbing one for himself, "Logan, you sure you don't want any?"

"I assure you, I don't need excess sugar and trans fats in my diet. It's not even finals yet," Logan spoke without looking up from the telescope, "you told them the correct time, right?"

"Virgil was the one who wrote it, ask him," Patton sat down on the blanket, watching the sky turn dark as the sunset behind the trees and city skyline.

Janus came hiking up the hill, talking animatedly with a man surrounded by red who Patton had never seen before. Remus was in tow, dragging a cooler behind them.

"Oh hello everyone, we found Red and Green," Janus grinned. Patton jumped up to help Remus with the cooler and Virgil stole his spot on the blanket, saluting the newcomers.

Logan looked up from the telescope, "Jupiter looks fascinating tonight; you all need to see this."

"Can I take a look?" Roman grinned at Logan, walking towards him.

Logan gulped, cheeks flushing, "uh sure, Roman, right?"

Roman laughed, "don't worry I have that effect on all the gays."

Patton and Remus set the cooler down and the latter opened it up to grab a beer, closed it, and sat on the lid. Patton grinned and wrapped Remus in an even tighter hug than the man had given him that afternoon.

Remus looked surprised but quickly scooped Patton onto his lap, "that's quite a grip you've got there, Pat."

Patton giggled and blushed, "you just took me by surprise earlier, Remus. I can give out what I get when it comes to hugs!"

"Is that a challenge, Baby Blue?" Remus smirked, wrapping his arms around Patton's waist.

Patton looked out at his rainbow of soulmates, all together for the first time. It was honestly pretty magical. And he loved that through all their mixed paths, there was a place for him and his bright blue among their vibrant colors.

Patton felt lighter than air, despite the fact he was covering a co-worker's shift when he was supposed to have the day off. The route was much more residential and a bit easier than his normal trek around the city. And he was going to see his partners that evening after work and was definitely looking forward to it. They'd spent several weeks stargazing as a group and meeting up in duos and trios, but tonight they were all going out for a nice dinner.

"Hey! Thanks, LB!" Patton heard an unfamiliar voice from behind him.

"Did you mean me? I'm just covering the route today," Patton stopped walking and started to turn around to greet the stranger.

"Yeah, LB for light blue. It's nice to finally meet one of y'all."

A look of confusion crossed Patton's face but was replaced with surprise as he saw the man standing at the mailbox.

"Orange???"

#tsshipmonth2020 #Soulmate September 2020 #drlamp #qpp drlamp #mentions of alcohol #alcohol tw #mentions of stalking #stalking tw #patton centric

82 notes · View notes

btsslowburnfic · 4 years

Text

BTS Reacts: You Surprise them with Flowers

Fluffy Friday. Enjoy <3

Jin: Jin walks through the door to your home. “Jagiya! I’m home,” he shouts as he takes off his shoes. He hears nothing in return and then realizes your shoes and purse are missing so you must still be at work. He frowns; he had gotten off early to celebrate your anniversary and he thought you also might have. He notices a light floral fragrance filling the air and walks through the foyer into the main living room. He instantly sees two vases of roses sitting on the coffee table. “I didn’t order flowers,” he thinks to himself and he walks over to inspect them. He sees a pink envelope laying next to them “Jinnie <3” He blushes as he opens the envelope. “Happy 2nd Anniversary Jinnie baby!! These flowers are almost as good looking as you. ALMOST. I Love You!!!! See you tonight! PS I bet they match the color of your ears right now. Right?” “Aish…” Jin said, feeling his ears and neck turn red. He takes a selfie and sends it to you, “You were right. <3 See you tonight.”

Suga/Yoongi: The guys were backstage getting their hair and makeup done. Yoongi was over it. He was tired from the press tour and the concerts and he missed you so much. He scrolled through his phone looking at pictures of you and of the two of you together. A sad sigh escaped his lips. “Excuse me!” a voice pipe through the room, “I have a flower delivery.” Namjoon walked over to meet the delivery person. “Oh how nice, someone sent us flowers.” He takes the bouquet and looks at the card. “Actually,” he walks over and hands them to Yoongi who hasn’t even looked up from his phone, off in his own world. “Someone sent this guy flowers,” he thrusts them into Yoongi’s lap. “What the hell?” he asks confused with a pout on his face. But then he sees the card with his name on it and opens it up, “I miss you so much babe! I can’t wait to see you again next month, until then xoxoxo” He looks at the bouquet of flowers, forget-me-nots and for a brief moment, his smile appears.

JHope/Hobi: “Just relax, we’re almost there!” you reassure your boyfriend as you continue to drive the car away from Seoul and into the countryside. He of course has no idea because he is blindfolded. You feel a little like a creep but you know it will be worth it. “How can I relax? I’m so excited!” he says, his infectious smile spreading across his face. “Just ten more minutes!” you grab his hand and squeeze it. “You know, I could get used to this blindfold thing,” he says, teasing you as he intertwines your fingers. He can’t see you blush, but you are sure he knows the effect he’s having on you. You arrive at your destination, the car slowing to a stop. “Can I take this off now?” he asks, his hands moving up to the blindfold. “No!” you yell. “I need you to keep it on for like 2 more minutes, I promise!” you walk out and open his door for him and gently lead him to the surprise. “Ok. Now you can take it off!” you say. He removes the blindfold and finds himself surrounded by a field of Sunflowers. His hands fly up to his mouth. “What is this? This is amazing!” “It’s a sunflower field. Well...technically a sunflower maze. Since you give everyone so much sunshine I thought this would be perfect for me to give to you.” “I love it!” he pulls you close and kisses you. “Wait, did you say it’s a maze?”

Rm/Namjoon: Namjoon was taking a break at the studio, scrolling through instagram when he saw a picture that caught his eye. It was a photo that looked just like his commissioned bonsai painting hanging up in his home but with another painting next to it. “Hmmm I wonder if the artist painted another one?” he wondered. But as he looked closer at the picture, he came to realize that it was his wall and that was his painting. What the hell? He texts you, “Did someone from the art studio come by and take a picture of the bonsai painting? It’s on instagram and it definitely looks like it’s at our house but there’s another painting next to it????” You look at your phone and look up at the wall. Shit. You had commissioned a painting to accompany it by the same artist as a surprise and he had posted it before you were able to show Namjoon. Uggghhhh. It wasn’t the artists fault, he didn’t know that Joon hadn’t been home yet this week. “That’s weird. What does the other painting look like?” you evasively respond. “Flowers. Lots of flowers. It does compliment the other painting well though. Maybe we should ask him about it?” You breathe out a sigh of relief as you text back, “You should recognize them, they’re clematis <3 And it IS our living room. It was supposed to be an early birthday surprise soooo SURPRISE!!! XD XD” “haha really? Well, I love it and can’t wait to see it in person this weekend (and you!)”

V/Taehyung: Taehyung was on tour during his birthday again this year. You were sad you weren’t able to fly in and surprise him, but you were looking forward to him getting his present which you had coordinated with Jimin and the agency to make sure it arrived in the correct city on the correct day. You had not anticipated he would open it on VLive. You were watching as you wanted to feel like you were celebrating with them. The boys brought out a birthday cake for him and they all sang. They looked tired and happy, the usual when they were on tour. “Thank you everyone. Thank you ARMY, thank you to my parents, thank you [y/n]. Thank you all for supporting me another year.” He waved and made cute faces for the camera and then some awkward ones as well because of who he was. “Actually,” Jimin says, “We have a gift here from [y/n] for you.” Suddenly you are very embarrassed and wish you weren’t watching. Let’s let hundreds of thousands of strangers see what you got your super hot famous boyfriend. Oh God. But his smile was the sweetest, shyest thing ever as he took the package from Jimin so you continued watching even though you wanted to die. “Really? All the way from Korea?” He asks. He takes his phone out and texts you “Are you watching?” you cringe as you respond “Yes <3” He opens the box and you are glad it’s at least nothing sexual or super weird. Out pop hundreds of origami flowers. Carefully folded in various shades of purple, red, and pink. “OOOOoo” the other guys remark as the flowers fall through the hotel conference room. “Beautiful. Did she fold all of these?” Jin asks. Tae smiles as he texts you that same question. You respond. Tae reads your response out loud. “Yes. There are 365 flowers in the box. I folded one each day since your last birthday. The red ones have messages on them as well.” collective awws and “how sweet” fill the room and the Vlive comments fill up with hearts. “Thank you [y/n] I love them and I love you.”

Jungkook: JK was currently snuggled up on your couch, drifting in and out of sleep. Jin and Jimin had just left him at your apartment after they had taken him to have his wisdom teeth removed. He had been out of his damn mind at first but now he was just a cute drooly baby. You returned from the store with more pain medicine, ice cream, gauze, and flowers. You had never taken care of someone before really, but this stuff always made you feel better. You head over to the adorable lump on the couch and snuggle up next to him. “Hey,I’m back. You need to take more medicine, it’s been 4 hours” you gently nudge him. “Mmmm k…” he manages to get out with all the gauze still packed in his mouth. You walk back over to the kitchen and return with a glass of water and your supplies, handing him the pills and water while you arrange the ice cream and flowers on the table. You also go and grab a blanket and stuffed Cooky for maximum comfort. When you come back out to the couch he is crying, “You go me fwower?” “oh my gosh why are you crying? Does it hurt?” you rush over to him. “I wuv fwower. I wuv you” You laugh as you realize he’s still high from the medicine. “ I love you too and I’m glad you like them babe. Now let’s eat some ice cream and rest,” you push his hair back gently and kiss him on the forehead.

Jimin: You were so excited to go to the festival today! Jimin had bought coordinating hanbok for the two of you to wear and you were going to surprise him by making flower crowns for everyone. Well. In theory you were. But in actuality you were surrounded by petals and greenery that were not going together at all. You felt your tears welling up in frustration. Damn it, you softly whispered as the flowers once again came undone. You hear a knock on the door and go to answer it. It’s Jimin. He’s early and there are zero flower crowns. “Are you ok?” he asks, seeing the sadness in your face. “Do we need to skip the festival?” “No,” you shake your head sadly and open your apartment door all the way, showing the flower explosions. To his credit, he tries not to laugh. He really does. But that just makes you start to laugh as well. Soon the two of you are giggling as you try to show him how bad you are at making them. “See? I’m worse than Jin.” you say, “his was ugly but it stayed together.” you laugh-cry at the sad pile of leaves in your hand. “Oh jagiya, it’s ok. Here, let me help you.” he takes the flowers into his hands and manages to weave them into a beautiful crown. “You’re so talented.” you say and shyly smile as he places the crown on your head. He gently kisses you, “you look beautiful.”

#bts fanfic #bts fanfction #bts reactions #bts fluff #bts fic #bts fics #bts scenarios #bts x reader

71 notes · View notes

chayacat · 4 years

Text

Devil’s Sweet Star (2)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut

***

Nothing is more pleasant than silence when you sleep, isn’t it? The sweet sound of silence...Until some idiot has the good idea to use his car horn. Danny Johnson groaned putting his pillow on his head in vain to mitigate the noise. He looked over to his alarm clock that read 8:11 am. Well, a good sleep to start the day.

Fortunately for him, he’s got his day off just yesterday so he slept more than usual. He gets out of his bed, raises his arms in the air and stretches until he feels his back muscles crack. Then he does the first thing he do every morning: take a shower. He walks to the bathroom, turned the shower on, undressed and climbed in. The contact with the water made him shudder a little, but he gradually got used to it. Leaning his head back, a grin appears on his face. He remembers about his last victim, Travis Maloney, who he must admit it, wasn’t so easy to kill as he believed.

Travis was an American football player, often spending time in arcades, fast foods, gyms and parks than in class. But when it’s about American football or movies, Travis was unbeatable. Danny stalked him for about an entirely month before taking action. What a coincidence it was for Travis to meet Danny, or as everyone else knew him, Jed Olsen, who had a film culture as strong as him. It was risky for Danny to get so close to Travis, but luck smiles on the bold, isn't it? Befriending this young man was a breeze for Danny allowing him to study his home in order to better strike. And when the time comes that night… Damn it was so delicious, so satisfying. A real pleasure of blood and tears.

Of course, Travis tried to wrestle with his athletic muscles, but Danny was more agile than he was, even though he still managed to hit him in the stomach. What a lovely sound he makes when Danny planted his knife in his back multiple times before turning him like a vulgar piece of meat to pierce his belly like a balloon and finish him by slit his throat with a sharp and precise blow. After taking pictures and making sure he had left no physical evidence of his presence, Danny escaped through the same window where he entered.

Danny came out of the shower after several minutes and dressed. A white shirt covered with a grey jogging jacket, blue jean and black shoes. He looks his reflection in the mirror thinking about all those men who dyed their head. Seriously why they do that? Just for being more attractive or hide their true hair color ? Foolish idea.

Natural beauty is better than artificial and Danny was the best example he knows. He knows that he can seduce any girl with just a glance as himself or Jed. He styled his hair in a ponytail and put his glasses on. It’s time for him to be Jed Olsen, reporter of Roseville’s gazette, kind colleague and friend. He takes his bag and leave his home. But lost in his thoughts, he’s bumping into someone...and it was you.

“Oops. Well looks like It's my fault this time. Sorry. Nothing broken?” he said with a little smile.

“No worries, everything is fine! Almost everything...” you said a little disappointed.

“Why? What happen?”

“Well, I’ve to receive a delivery of Colombian coffee beans for my coffee shop today but...There's been a problem and I won't get it until tomorrow. So, I won't be able to officially open until Friday. I have a little more time to organize everything at least.”

Jed patted your shoulder to comfort you while Danny held back from not smiling. He's keeping that information in his memory for later. Maybe Ghostface will go for a little tour to get to know the place...Just in case.

“oh...It’s bad luck. You own a coffee shop?” Said ‘Jed’ interested.

“Yup! It's not far from here! Two blocks away instead of Joe's old dinner. I finally fulfil one of my dreams. If it works of course. Because in this kind of business, it passes or it breaks from the opening. But I'm confident about it! And at least it will always give me a good experience.” You said full of determination.

“I hope it will work for you. Joe’s old dinner you said? Roseville’s Gazette building is further, at the end of the street. I think I'd come often if you make good coffee. Between us, Joe's coffee was really disgusting. A mixture of shoe juice and rotten egg.”

“Eww...Gross. Don’t worry, my coffee won't be a horrible mix to make you sick, neither do my pastries. I got to go. I have to finish two or three things for the grand opening.”

“I can take you if you want. It's on my way. This will save you from wasting gas.”

“That really nice of you Jed...But I don’t to bother you and make you arrive late at your job. I'll feel guilty if you get yelled at by your boss because of me.” you respond embarrassed.

“I wouldn't offer it to you if it bothered me. And then if I get yelled at... You'll owe me a cup of coffee and a pastry.” He laughs advancing towards the entrance to get out with you walking behind his heels.

Danny walked to the van parked at his location and unlocked the doors. If Jed laughs a little for having a van, Danny would have liked to drive a slightly more comfortable car. But hey when you are a journalist and you have to go a little far, you have to be able to sleep on the spot to get interesting information. he opened the passenger door so that you could get into the vehicle, from the corner of his eye he noticed that his gesture did not leave you indifferent and that made him smile. One thing he had in common with his alter ego Jed was gallantry, even though the motivations were different. Jed was in order to be polite to everyone, Danny was in order to approach his victims and learn a little more about them. A wolf in sheep's clothing. Devil in disguise.

He went up on his side, put his bag in the back and started the engine before heading towards the coffee.

“So... What convinced you to come and live here? I would have thought that you would go more to open a business in a big city rather than here” Said Danny

“Well, I wanted to change the landscape. I was born and raised in Indianapolis, Indiana. I was tired of the big cities where the buildings are as big as mountains and where privacy is hardly respected. Roseville have that charming and welcoming little side that I like. How about you? Did you grow up here?” you said with a smile

“No, I'm a pure Florida boy, I came here for the same reasons. And by being a reporter, I often had to change places to report what’s happening in the towns and villages of our dear country. I can't even remember how many times I moved since I started this job.”

“You see things, I guess. it doesn't have to be easy every day to be a reporter...”

“oh no I can confirm that. Cases of fraud, murder, corrupt politicians... We don't just make friends in this business. But I must admit that all this is nothing compared to what happens here with Ghostface. it's scary to know that a monster like him is lurking in the wild. All his victims ended up in states... I wish I could erase that from my memory” said ‘Jed’ disgusted while Danny holds back from smiling as he remembered his bloody masterpieces.

“I suspect it wasn't supposed to be beautiful to see. I read your last article it's really impressive, you know? it's almost the only thing I'd read from the paper.” You say before you see the storefront of your business.

Danny parked in front of the shop. At least we know the theme and atmosphere of your cafe. And it would be hard not to spot it with this particular blue that stands out more compared to the colors of the other shops. at first glance, no security camera but better be careful.

“thanks again for the ride Jed. You're such a sweet I don't know how to thank you.” you said with a sweet smile

“Well to be able to taste your coffee and your sweets will be more than enough for me. And don't forget, if I get yelled at...” reply Danny giving you a wink.

“Ha ha you don't lose the north you! Promised a coffee and a pastry offered by the house. See ya !” you said before leaving.

“...She’s prettier than the last tenant at least. Much prettier and innocent...”

Danny smiles before he gets back on the road to work. So, you read his articles? And besides, you love them. A smile made his way on his face, he feels flattered to see how much you appreciate his work. Jed's work instead. he arrived on time in front of the newspaper building, taking his bag before entering, passing through the security pole and climbing the stairs leading to the offices. While some colleagues were writing their articles for the next edition, others were chatting quietly over coffee. Danny put his bag at the foot of the office and went for a coffee just to wake up a little.

“Hey Jed! So, this day off? Tell me you've actually rested and not worked over and over again like you do.” said Melina tapping on Jed's shoulder.

Melina was the first to welcome 'Jed' into the team with Mattew. Even though Jed was the quietest and shyest of the three, as soon as they were together it was a real mess. But at least they were setting the mood in the offices. But in meetings, they are the most serious group.

“ha ha promised this time I rested. I know how you're reacting if I don't listen to you on this.” He laughs

“You'd better do it, yes! otherwise I swear your hair will change color. Although I might do it on Mike. What an asshole. Sir thinks he's the best reporter in the world when clearly you're much superior!”

“I'm just doing my job, you know. Nothing more than nothing less.”

“Hey Jed! The boss wants to see you in his office!” shouts Mattew by heading towards them.

“Already? It must be important then. Hoping I'm going to get my straps up. Usually when he wants to see someone so early in the day... See you later guys." Said Danny before leaving

“Do you think it's serious?” said Melina

“Well, the boss looked pretty happy when I told him Jed had arrived.” respond Mattew.

Danny walked towards the office of the director, Johann Hembrook. This man, in his fifties, had been practicing journalism for 33 years. He had covered some of them as scandalous as each other and had decided to open his own gazette here in Roseville. Over time it became practically the only source of paper information in the city and then came the technology. But that didn't stop the newspaper from continuing to prosper. Through the door, Danny could hear a conversation that seemed to end and recognized the voice of Mike, his 'rival' since his arrival.

Mike Harris joined the team five years before 'Jed'. His pretensive side makes him take all the others for little sandbox journalists boasting himself to be the best ,even if it is true that he does a very good job, but not to the point of claiming this title. He hates Jed since he arrived and it didn't arrange when he saw this newbie see himself in charge of the articles on Ghostface. It must have been him and not a novice junk.

If Jed didn't react to him, Danny wanted only one thing: slit his throat. Slowly... Make him suffer as much as possible to make him beg. Oh God it would be divine …

“Get the f*** out of my way Olsen. I don't want to throw up when I see your nerd face early in the morning.” Mike grunts as he shoves Danny to pass.

Danny breathed deeply, holding back from planting a pen in his throat and knocked on the manager's door before entering.

“You wanted to see me Sir?” He said with a smile.

“Ah Here's the best reporter in Roseville! Yes, come in Jed. I want to talk. Please take a sit.” said Mr Hembrook offering a seat. “I want to congratulate you again on your last article. It's impressive for a young man like you to write an article of this quality. How old are you already?”

“27 Sir. I’m glad to know that you liked my articles but I'm just doing my job, sir. Just like the others here.”

“And modest with that. However, the police disagree. They'd like you to talk less about these murders. They think you're too involved in their business. You know how cops are with us, they think we're dirty little snoops.”

“If no one reports the facts who will take care of it? Them? Just to say that someone is dead. People want to know what is going on in their city and it is our duty to keep them informed down to the smallest detail.”

“That's exactly what I told them. You remind me of me at your age. Shyer that said. You have free hand for your next article. If you have any ideas...I know I'd never be disappointed with you.”

Danny smiles before gets up and leaves the office. He already knows what he's going to write in his next article. sometimes you have to put aside the negatives and take care of what is developing in the city. Like your coffee, for example. He passed all morning thinking and writing his article but little problem: without knowing the name or the owner of the café, people will not rush. He took his bag and left the offices to join his vehicle in the parking lot and then set me on. once he reached his destination, he went down and arrived at the door, he tossed what startled you. after all you're not supposed to be open today.

“Well, eager to see me again?” you laugh.

“I'm coming as a reporter this time, and I thought you might get a little advertisement in our newspaper. It always helps.” said Danny with a wink.

After you allowed him in, Danny sat down with you at a table and started asking questions for his article. He kindly accepted a cup of coffee with a slice of blueberry pie and checked every piece of information. He took out his camera and took a picture of you and the café to illustrate his article.

“Only for my article. promised I delete the photo once the newspaper is published.” Lied Danny. What do you think? Of course, he will keep it for him once the newspaper published! “There's only one question left on your café : What's his name?”

"Well... I've been thinking about it all night and all morning and I think I'm sure of my choice. I'm going to call it...”

***

(Hey! Finally finish this one! I'm so happy to see that you like the first chapter! thanks a lot! Don't hesitate to give me your opinions and ask questions if the heart tells you! Once again, thank you very much, I hope that you’ll like this chapter as much as the first! See ya guys!)

#dbd #dbd fanfic #dead by daylight #ghostface #danny johnson #jed olsen

45 notes · View notes

calm-and-wine · 5 years

Text

Down the Line

Sooo..... I wrote a thing for @1dffchallenges but since the challenge is not happening anymore, I’ve decided to share it here. It is the first piece of writing I’m sharing with anyone, so please, if you have any feedback, I’d love to hear it!

It’s a Niall one-shot, quite sweet and fluffy, so if you’re in a mood for something cute, it might be the perfect read! And let’s be honest, we all need a bit of sunshine in our lives these days.

The biggest thank you to @verorax for being a wonderful beta and not only giving me feedback, but helping me correct any mistakes and overall making sure it sounds alright, thanks for your time, you’re the best, Rory!

Without further ado… here it is, hope you enjoy! ~~~

“Oh. That wasn’t supposed to happen,” was what Lucy thought right after waking up and feeling nothing but cold air on the other side of the bed. It was supposed to be filled with her snoring boyfriend. Niall practically never wakes up before her, unless he absolutely has to. But today he doesn’t, she’s sure about that. It's Wednesday, the only day when her training didn't start at unholy hours; at least that’s what Niall considers any time before noon. So it’s the day they’ve been spending their mornings together for the past month, since he’s been working on his new album and she was preparing for a new season. They usually spend those Wednesday mornings either staying in bed for as long as they could, or having breakfast, just the two of them and enjoying those little moments together. That’s how their relationship works after all, taking advantage of every minute they can spend in each other’s company.

She finally opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was a rose on the other pillow. There wasn’t a sign of Niall, but there was a flower and a little note in his place. She reached for the piece of paper with one hand while knuckling at her eyes to wake herself up.

Early meeting, forgot to tell you yesterday. Have a good day. N x

To be completely honest, she was really surprised he managed not to wake her up when he was leaving. Niall in the morning was usually the most clumsy person on earth, tripping over his own feet and letting out a curse every other word. She put down the note and got her phone from the nightstand sending a quick text to Niall.

it’s no fun waking up without you :(

She scrolled through her social media for a bit, waiting for his reply, but when it didn’t come in the next five minutes she put her phone down, stretched her limbs a bit and got up. Because she had quite a bit of time before she had to actually get ready and leave the house, she grabbed Niall’s sweater that was lying folded on the chair and went downstairs. It was scary sometimes how homely she felt in Niall’s house. They weren’t living together, she had a flat in the other part of London that she shared with her cousin, Mia, but the truth was she spent most of her time in London right here. Niall asked her to move in with him once, however that was over a year ago and she wasn’t ready back then. She loved him, she’s been crazy about this boy from the very beginning, but living with someone was a big deal for her, and yes, even back then she kept some stuff at his place and perhaps spent more nights in his bed than she should. But moving in was a different level of relationships and even though she was absolutely committed to Niall, she was not ready for that step. Not back then at least. Her phone buzzed in her hand when she was halfway down the stairs.

it’s no fun waking up early ;( have a great day, love!

Niall had this easiness of making her smile with the tiniest things he did or said. It was a true gift and one of the million things she loved about him. She continued walking without responding to message in order to avoid disturbing him during the meeting. However, she stopped in the kitchen doorway, as her eyes landed on a bouquet of the most colorful flowers she has ever seen right at the centre of the kitchen island. And placed alongside it was a paper bag from her favourite bakery. When she stepped closer to smell the flowers, she saw a little envelope propped by the vase.

Wanted to get you coffee as well, but it would have been cold already. Sorry for missing our morning, will make it up to you later. Love you, see you at home. N xx

She was pretty sure her cheeks started burning. It was quite normal for Niall to drop a little note for her or bring her coffee or her favourite tea, but this was more than normal. And just the fact that he’s done all that bright and early in the morning was a bit out of character. She opened the bag and grabbed a croissant, biting into the delicious pastry and typing on her phone.

What’s with all the nice things? are you preparing me for some bad news?

Hahahaha no! just being nice and trying to make up for leaving you alone. sorry for being the best boyfriend in the world ;p

He really was, she couldn’t even imagine a better guy to share a life with. Of course, he wasn’t perfect, but somehow his imperfections might just be the things she adored the most. Like how he stole her tennis socks all the time, especially for his own workouts, because they were “softer and just way more comfy”, even though they are just normal sporty socks. But it’s okay, because sometimes she steals his cute colorful ones as well. She didn’t want perfect, she wanted real. And that’s what Niall was to his core, real and honest. He was an open book and that’s what he wanted from her as well. That was actually the cause of their first ever fight, back in the day. Because she wasn’t used to sharing her feelings and talking like that. It’s not that she had a huge problem with it, she just got used to keeping things for herself and bottling up most of her feelings. She led quite a lonely life; since she was a kid her life was spent on court and on the road - she went to school, but didn’t really have time to hang out with other kids. Of course there were other people around her age on tour, but tennis is a bit of a lonely sport and she was mostly surrounded by adults, people who worked with her and she never wanted to bother them. She was rather doubtful they would be interested in her teenage girl problems. And that’s just how it stayed. She had friends, but they weren’t that type of close friends that you feel comfortable sharing personal things with. Niall never pushed her to share something she wasn’t comfortable with, he simply showed her that it’s easier to work through things together and not carry a burden on your own shoulders. That’s just what he did, he taught her stuff, he changed the way she looked at a lot of things. Her life was not the same since Niall Horan came into it. But she was not going to boost his ego and tell him all that, so she just wrote back a quick “love you” and made herself some coffee.

~~~

Lucy hated pre-season with passion. It was the worst time of the year. And the fact that it started a few weeks before Christmas was just as cruel. Pre-season was the time where she had to work the hardest, it felt like training after training followed by even more training. And then when Christmas came around she felt guilty for eating even one thing that she shouldn’t. Wednesdays were a bit easier than the rest of the week, because she started later and had a shorter training routine. She had just finished her gym circuit, meaning it was time for lunch. She would then discuss the strategy on court, plan out her schedule for the upcoming season and work out ways she can improve her game. Following that she would go on court and have a proper practise, which is definitely her favourite part, and then another gym session, a quick one this time until she would finally be free.

She was on her way to the locker room, when Gabby, the receptionist at the sport centre that she trained at, called her out.

“There was a delivery for you literally two minutes ago.” She said giving her a take-out box with the logo of the restaurant where she usually had her lunch.

“Ummm thanks? But they don’t do delivery?” She knew that because she was always complaining about having to put her coat on and walk there all sweaty, which often caused her to catch a bit of a cold.

“I don’t know, love. This girl came in, said it’s for you, it was all paid for, so I just took it.” Gabby shrugged her shoulders.

“Ok, thank you.” Lucy smiled at the girl. Gabby was around her age, she’s been working at the centre for almost two years now and she was a pleasure to be around, always asking how the training was going on and even talking about some of the matches she played.

She had a feeling she knew exactly who got her lunch. She didn’t know who he asked to deliver this, but Niall was most often on the receiving end of her complains and apparently he actually listened to her whine. She was not even surprised by the nice things at this point, because she also found another bouquet of flowers in her locker when she arrived here. However, she had no idea why he was doing all of this today out of all the days. Sure, he never really needed an excuse to do nice things for her, but it was usually just one surprise, not one after the other like today. It wasn’t her birthday, it was not their anniversary… There were no more notes coming with the gifts, so she decided to text him.

Do you feel that bad for leaving me this morning? One bouquet of flowers would be enough, baby. Or am I forgetting of some special occasion?

Nope, just want to treat you well today. Enjoy your lunch and the rest of training! ;)

Yup, he was definitely up to something. He was not, however, going to tell her anything about it.

~~~

Coming home, Lucy was simply excited to see Niall. It maybe was a bit weird that ‘coming home’ meant Niall’s place. She didn’t live there, yet there wasn’t even a question of going to her own flat, it was just obvious between the two of them that that’s where they’ll see each other and spend their evening together. The last time she was at her flat was actually four days ago and she didn’t even spend the night there.

The light was on downstairs and there was no doubt her boyfriend was home. She barely made it inside and put her training bag down when he appeared in the doorway leading to the kitchen. Lucy stopped dead in her tracks, one shoe still on her foot, looking at the guy before her with wide eyes.

Niall was wearing suit pants and a white shirt. It was not an outfit she saw him in very often. He wore nice pants and shirts quite a lot lately, especially to promo or concerts, but not like that. This was extra classy. Everything about it felt weird, he had a habit of changing into sweatpants right after going through the threshold.

“Hey” he gave her his signature wide smile that she loved so much and it all just left her a bit breathless.

“Hi” she said still eyeing him up and down. “Honestly, did I forget about some special occasion?”

He just looked at her and laughed. Then he shook his head slightly.

“I’ll tell you everything later. Right now you should go get ready for dinner. You’ve got” he looked at his watch “twenty minutes.”

Niall finally walked up to her to give her a welcoming kiss and a small hug. She wanted to grill him more, but she knew he wasn’t going to give her any answers. His eyes sparkled and the smile never left his lips. He nudged his head towards the stairs and with a sigh, she took her off shoes, put her jacket on the coat rack and headed upstairs.

She was even more surprised and just simply confused, when she found a dress carefully laid down on the bed. And it wasn’t just any dress. It was a lovely silver, sparkly, dress that she was eyeing up on the internet like two weeks ago. The only reason she didn’t buy it was because she didn’t really have anywhere to wear it to and she already had too many dresses, probably.

She was ready to shout at Niall to come up and explain all those surprises and his weird behaviour, but decided against it. She was gonna humour him and just follow along.

She took a shower post her training, but put her hair in a bun right after, so it was a mess she needed to tend to if she wanted to look presentable. Twenty minutes wasn’t really a lot of time, so she slightly curled some of hair, closest to the face, put on makeup, got dressed and was almost ready.

“Lulu?” came a voice from downstairs, indicating her time was up.

“Baby, we’re gonna have to stop by my place cause I don’t have any heels here.” She said trudging down through the staircase.

Niall was waiting for her, standing at the foot of the stairs, already looking at her with shiny eyes. In his eyes, she could almost always see the adoration he had for her whenever he looked at her. And it never failed to warm her heart. She was pretty sure she looked at him with gooey eyes as well.

“You look… Wow. You’re so beautiful, love.”

Lucy felt her cheeks reddening at his words. “Thank you for the dress. I love it.”

“And I love you” he replied with a shit-eating grin, at which she just chuckled. There were some noises coming from the kitchen, but the door was shut close and when she looked at her boyfriend, he just shrugged. “Also, you don’t need heels, we’re not actually going anywhere, just staying here.” She was a bit confused at his words, but now that he mentioned her not needing shoes, she noticed he wasn’t wearing any either, just his usual colorful socks.

“Okay, you have to tell me what’s going on” she said, but it only earned her a laugh.

“I will, in a minute.” Niall grabbed her hand and lead her to the dining room. It was a simple room, most of the space was taken by a big table. It was a room that was very rarely used. Niall used it whenever his family was in town and sometimes when he had friends over and wanted to make it a bit more classy than just snacks and beer. They usually ate either in the kitchen or in the living room, where the tables were as well, just smaller ones. There were a few candles scattered all around the room, the lights were on, but they were dimmed, and there was another huge bouquet of flowers on the table. “I was gonna hand them to you, but had to put them in water earlier and just didn’t want to take them out all dripping. But they are for you, obviously.”

“They’re so beautiful, but that’s a third one today! That’s way too much, baby.” She even left one with Gabby at the sports centre to put it at the front desk.

Niall just shrugged with a bit of a bashful smile and pulled out a chair for her to sit in, then sat across from her. He then opened a bottle of wine that stood prepared on the table and pour them both a glass.

Lucy was a bit shocked, when a young man came into the room holding two plates with appetizers. He was put the plates before them without the word, being as quiet as possible. She looked uneasy at Niall, but he didn’t say anything until they were alone again.

“So… I guess I should explain” he chuckled. “I got a chef from one of your favourite restaurant to come and cook for us. I wanted to celebrate today, because it’s our anniversary.”

Lucy looked at him even more confused. “No, it’s not. Baby, our anniversary is in two months.”

Niall just shook his head with a smile. “Our relationship anniversary, yes. But this day, exactly three years ago, was the day we met.” He looked incredibly proud of himself, smug that he completely surprised her.

She remembers the day they met, of course she does. It was a sports’ gala, she was invited as a top 10 tennis player, and he was there because of his golf management. They met quite casually, at the bar, when he congratulated her on a successful season and she told him that she loved his music. After that they somehow spent half the night together, just talking and then dancing at the afterparty. Back then she thought she might have a new acquaintance, someone to invite to her games from time to time and maybe to receive an invitation to his show. However, she did not think that she just met someone she will want to spend forever with, someone who will become the most important person in her life. Someone who will truly show her love. She also didn’t know he would message her on instagram the next day and that they will keep talking and hanging out right away and fall in love so easily.

“I don’t remember the exact day, but it was in December, so you must be right. Why celebrate now, though? We never had before.”

“Well.. There’s no good explanation, really.” He took the first bite of the cuisine in front of them, gesturing for her to do the same. “Just thought it would be nice, it’s the end of the year as well, a tough year at that, wanted to make something nice for you.”

It was a tough year, the hardest one in her life. She hit the lowest low, she thought she lost something she worked her entire life for, her dreams. It was only Niall who got her up, he was the only one who could get through to her, and he did. He tried and tried, even when she pushed him away, or tried to at least, he never gave up on her. Last year, well a bit less, in January, she messed up her knee, really badly. Her entire career became a huge question mark. And she wanted to give up. She almost did. But Niall wouldn’t let her. Even if it meant saying things she didn’t want to to hear, which lead to her not speaking to him for a day or two and a lot of tears, from both of them. But she thinks she’ll never be able to truly explain to him how much it all meant, that without him, she would not come back. Not only to tennis, but maybe even to being fully herself.

“Thank you” she said for a thousandth time. “You’re too good for me.”

Niall laughed and shook his head. He wasn’t. She was his angel and anchor, just like he was hers. That’s why they worked so well.

They kept eating and talking, moving to more casual topics, with Niall asking how her day went and her asking about his meetings and who he got to deliver her lunch (it was an intern at the management). Lucy heard people leaving while they were in the middle of the main course, which Niall explained was the cooks and everyone else leaving, like he discussed with them previously.

When it was just the two of them again, Niall took their empty plates to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of champagne. They were only about halfway through the wine, but he still opened it and poured them both a glass. Instead of returning to his seat, he pulled out a chair at the head of the table and turned it a bit to face Lucy.

“Cheers to us, another year together. Three years and much more to come. I love you, Lulu.” His voice was wavering a bit, but he hoped she wouldn’t notice.

“I love you, baby” they clinked their glasses, shared a small kiss and they took a sip of champagne.

“Ok, so I had this whole speech prepared..” he started nervously, slowly getting up from his chair. “But I’m too nervous now, so I’m gonna make it quick” he got down on one knee and Lucy felt like her heart stopped for a minute just to start beating hundred times faster. She pressed her fingers to her lips to keep herself from completely losing it and letting out a strangled cry. “There’s absolutely no one else I would rather spend my life with, no one makes me feel like you, I thought I’ve been in love before, but honestly it’s nothing compared to the love I have for you. Lucy Emilia Barker, my Lulu, will you do me the absolute honour of sharing your life with me and become my wife?” he opened a navy blue velvet box, but she only saw his shaking fingers before her eyes filled with tears.

“Yes” she choked with a smile that couldn’t possibly be big enough for the happiness she truly felt.

“Yeah?” he asked as if there was a possibility he heard her wrong, but the smile was finally making its way onto his face and his nerves were disappearing.

“Yeah” she laughed and grabbed his face with her own shaking hands. “Now get up before you mess up your knee.” He laughed at her, or with her, or just from the pure bliss in his heart and started kissing her before he even got completely up.

After a few sweet, and equally passionate kisses, sometimes clicking teeth, because they couldn’t keep the smiles off their faces, they finally separated so Niall could put the actual ring on her finger. It was absolutely beautiful. It wasn’t a typical big diamond engagement ring and she was actually thankful for it, because that wasn’t exactly her style. The ring that was now comfortably resting on her finger was gold, with round cut emerald in the centre surrounded by 7 round cut diamonds, looking a bit like a flower. It was perfect. She hugged Niall, still crying, she must have looked like a racoon with smudged mascara from all this crying. But she was getting married, for fucks sake! She had a right to ball her eyes out.

“Do you like it? Maybe I should’ve gotten a classic diamond one…” Niall said reaching his hand to touch his neck, which was a nervous habit of his.

“Baby” Lucy said touching his shoulder to get him to really listen, “it’s perfect. I love it.”

They both couldn’t stop smiling, stealing little kisses from each other.

“I couldn’t wait to see it on your finger” he admitted, pulling her hand close to his face to get a better look.

“How long have you had it?” she asked a bit surprised and he looked at her a bit bashfully.

“Around two months.. I was thinking of proposing in Vietnam, but then Greg made me think about someone stealing the ring or me losing it, so I got too stressed about it and it just didn’t seem right.”

She thought back to Vietnam, when they went for vacation after the last tournament she played this year, it was a beautiful place and she loved it there, but he was quite right, it didn’t seem better than this. This was simple, but somehow perfect. Because it was them, just staying in the house, enjoying each other’s company. She knew in Vietnam would have been amazing as well, hell, he could propose in the middle of nowhere and she would still be head over heels for him, but she was incredibly happy with the way it happened.

“How many people know you were gonna ask me to marry you?” she asked another question with a little laugh. They were still standing, just holding each other and enjoying the moment.

“Um… A few. Greg, cause I needed his advice, Mia and Laura, I showed them the ring and also asked about this dress, cause I know you liked it but wasn’t sure about the size and stuff… And then also my parents.” His cheeks were a bit rosy, and she knew it was because he was still a little nervous, but also just from emotions. It was hard to believe Mia didn’t spill anything, because she was the absolute worst with secrets. Laura however, was the person who always helped plan the surprises, whether it was for Lucy or Niall or any other friend. She quite fast became Lucy’s best friend, maybe besides Mia, which surprised her a bit, because she was never really good at making friends, but she was just so welcoming and always made sure Lucy felt ok in their group, they just kind of clicked and she couldn’t have been happier to call her a true friend, cause she was probably the coolest person ever.

“Do my parents know?”

“No” he said and then his eyes widened, “should I have asked your dad? I mean, I thought about it, but it always seemed kinda silly to me, I mean, it’s between us two, it’s our decision and you’re your own woman, so I don’t think we need anyone’s permission, but.. Would you have liked me to ask him?” He looked so stressed and scared now that she couldn’t stop a little laugh bubbling out of her. He was so cute.

Lucy shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I think it’s stupid as well.”

Niall let out a breath of relieve. “Good” he kissed her sweetly, right on the lips. “I think it’s time for some dessert now. Sit and I’ll go get it from the kitchen.”

Before he could make a step, she grabbed his wrist and shook her hand. “I’m going with you.”

It was silly, incredibly so, but she didn’t want to spend a second without him, not tonight. He just looked at her with one of the fondest expressions and led them to the kitchen, their fingers intertwined. He got out a cake from the fridge and cut it, while she just looked at him. Her fiance. She was still shocked and in awe of the man, who wanted to spend his life with her. Niall grabbed two plates in one hand, the other grabbing hers and coming back to the dining room. Instead of seating back in their chairs, he sat on one and pulled her to his lap, giving her a plate, stretching a hand with his plate around her, then placing a small kiss on her temple before digging into the cake.

“Did you suspect anything? Cause you looked quite surprised, but I worried I might have pushed it a bit too far with all the gifts and stuff…”

“I suspected something, but not this. Honestly. And every gift kinda surprised me. I had no idea what you were planning, but proposing didn’t even cross my mind” she admitted. It wasn’t that they’ve never talked about it, the future, their future. They did, there were things they planned, they intertwined their lives, were building one together. And it’s not that she wasn’t ready for that commitment, she was ready to be his fiance, and then wife. It just wasn’t something she expected, somehow. “But now it makes perfect sense. And I’m the happiest ever. I love you, baby”

He grinned at her even more. “Me too, Lulu. I’m the luckiest man in the universe.”

She couldn’t help herself and kissed him. It was sweet and tasted of frosting. And she hoped to always remember this exact moment.

~~~

“Can I hear the speech?” she asked him later that night, when they were lying in bed. They spend the whole evening wrapped in their bubble, always touching each other and stealing kisses. “The one you said you had prepared?”

“Umm… Yeah.” Niall seemed a little nervous. He was open and romantic, it usually came quite easily to him, but sometimes he grew a bit anxious of being too soppy. He propped himself a bit and looked at her to gain some confidence from her shiny eyes that he could see even in the almost dark bedroom. He took a deep breath and started. “Lulu, putting feelings into words is kinda my job, but it’s near impossible to explain how you make me feel. I’ve been trying for three years now and still struggle. Because you make me feel like no one and nothing before. You are my sunshine, my anchor, my biggest supporter. You are my everything. I know this year was incredibly hard, for both of us, but obviously for you more than I, but in a way I’m seeing the light in the situation and am grateful that it happened. Because it let us both prove to ourselves how much we mean to each other. It showed that we can go through anything that life will throw at us. That we stand by the other no matter what, always. What we have is special. And I promise to always cherish this, us, but mostly you. The wonderful, incredibly strong and persistent woman that you are. I keep thinking that it’s impossible to love you more than I already do, but then another day comes and you just prove me wrong. Please, let me love you more and more every day for the rest of our lives. Please, spend your forever with me. Marry me, Lulu.”

By the time he finished they both had eyes cloudy from the tears. Lucy couldn’t even get any words out, so she just pressed her lips to Niall’s and hoped he’ll understand. Hoped he’ll know how much this all means to her, how much she loves him. And deep down she knows he will, he can see right through her.

“I love you. So much” she whispered after a while, when her breathing was coming back to normal and the tears stopped rolling down her cheeks and into her hair. “There’s something I want to say to you too, baby. Something I wanted to say for a long time.” She caressed his cheek and then the space between his brows, when he pulled them together in slight confusion. “I want to thank you for a moment, a long time ago, when you said you loved me, for the very first time. And I didn’t say it back. I need to thank you for how wonderful you acted then, I wanted to for a long time, but the moment was never right.”

Niall shook his head slightly and grabbed his hand that was still on his cheek. “You don’t have to thank me for that” he said, like the whole thing was absolutely no big deal to him. And in a way, she knew it wasn’t. She thought back to that day, when he said those three magical words and all she did was kiss him for a while. And then she said that she wasn’t there yet. She could have maybe said it back, but it wouldn’t have been true (it would, cause in her heart she did already love him, but in her brain she wasn’t sure). She was falling for him, she felt stronger about him and them every day, but telling someone you love them is a big thing. You can’t rush this, and she wanted to be completely certain. She wanted to feel like she had to get it out, had to let him now, how much he consumed her heart. She was honest with him back then, incredibly so, and that was probably one of the reasons why he reacted so well. Because she didn’t sweep the whole situation under the carpet. She let him know how important he is, how he makes her feel and that her feeling for him are growing rapidly, but have not reach that point yet. And he was perfectly fine with that. Because falling in love is an individual thing. He falls in love easily, fast and hard. But everyone has a right to go at their own pace. All he wanted from her was honesty. And she gave him exactly that. He also said he’d rather wait and have her say it back when she’s ready, when it’s honest and she’s sure that’s how she feels, than have her say it now just for the sake of saying it back. “You know it was alright, I would never push you to do anything. And hey, you said eventually. Besides. I knew you loved me.”

“Wait, what? You knew I loved you? How if I didn’t say it?” she looked at her fiance bewildered.

“Yeah” Niall confirmed with a proud smile. “I could kinda see it in your eyes. And, I don’t know, you just made me feel your love, I guess.”

“You’re something else, Niall Horan” she admitted burying herself into his body, at what he just laughed, but also wrapped his arms closer around her.

“Hey” he said after a while, when he noticed her breathing was evening out a bit, meaning she was slowly falling asleep. “I kinda have another question for you.” Lucy raised her head to look at his still smiling face, and then raised her eyebrows to prompt him to say more. “Will you move in with me? I guess now that we’re engaged it’s maybe not too soon, eh?”

She couldn’t help but laugh. That was the question that crossed her mind when she got all those gifts today.

“Of course. I would love to.”

Niall’s smile grew bigger, if it was even possible. “Yeah? I figured we can live here, or we can get another place if you’d like, that would be totally ours. Or maybe we can live here for a while and then get another one for after the wedding or something…” he was babbling a bit, so she put a hand to his shoulder to get his attention.

“I like this place. It already feels like home. Maybe we could get a new one later on, we’ll see. Ok?”

Niall nodded his head and kissed her behind her ear, which made her giggle.

“Ok, one more thing” he said after a minute, which made her laugh again, because he just kept surprising her. “Not a question this time, though. But I’ve made arrangements to come to Australia with you. If you’ll have me.”

She was leaving right after New Year’s to play two smaller tournaments there and then the Australian Open. She was excited, cause she always loved the atmosphere there, but was also dreading it a bit, because that’s where she fucked up her knee last year. She played since then, came back in September, but was still a bit nervous.

“I’d love for you to come. But don’t you have an album to finish?” He was working on his new music for longer than usual. He came back from LA to be with her, when she had to undergo her knee surgery and then she had a rehabilitation in London, so he was with her here, during everything. Which she was unbelievably thankful for, because she wouldn’t be able to do it without him, but it meant he put his music on a bit of a backburner. For her. He made quite a lot of sacrifices for her, she was aware of every single one. Truth was, his schedule was way more flexible than hers, she could choose which tournaments she played, but there wasn’t a lot of room to change things. So he was the one who planned his tours and press junkets around her. Coming to America when she was playing there for a month. Or planning a European leg of the tour for the time when she had tournaments there. Just so they could be closer, fly only a few hours to see each other. Someone might say it wasn’t fair, that both parties should sacrifice themselves in a relationship. But that’s the only way they could work right now. She knew Niall didn’t really mind, and she also knew that it would change in a few years. She didn’t plan on playing longer than 3, maybe 4, maximum 5 years. She would still be around 30 years old, could play longer, but she didn’t want to. Her knee problem was a horrible thing, but it also put a lot of things into perspective for her. At that time she felt like it was the end of the world. Tennis was her life. But when emotions died down a bit and after some hard conversations with Niall, she realized there were a lot of other opportunities. Now, she had a bit of a plan. She wanted to open a training centre. And she also wanted to start a tennis management company, especially to help young girls trying to make it. Niall knew it all, he was the one who told her it’s absolutely possible and offered his help. He also made a little joke of how they’re both gonna be sports managers, him with golf and her with tennis. It made her excited about the future outside the court. And she never was before. And it wouldn’t happen without him. Because she was also excited about her future with him, when she would stop playing and travelling constantly. It made her excited about flying to Los Angeles and New York with him, visiting him in the studio and sitting in the audience of the talk shows he would be doing there, and following him on tour. Her time to make sacrifices and adapt her life to his will come. And when it will, she’ll be more than happy to.

“Yeah, but it can wait a bit longer. Don’t worry about it too much, I’m thinking about bringing Julian with me, doing it old school, recording in hotel rooms” he smiled reminiscing about the old days with the band. “Besides, it’s our actual anniversary exactly a day after the Australian Open, I can’t let us spend it apart on the other sides of the world.”

“I love you” she said for probably the thousandth time today. And yet, she could have said it a thousand more.

~~~

The last month, month and a half, was the absolute best of Lucy’s life. The guy of her dreams asked her to marry him, she spent wonderful Christmas surrounded by both hers and Niall’s family, had a great small engagement party for their friends (another surprise from Niall) and then had a great three weeks in Australia, not only playing some of her best tennis, but also having the love of her life by her side. Her parents and Mia also flew to Melbourne, to watch her play the semi-final and then the final of the Australian Open. It was still surreal to her. She was in two Grand Slam finals before her injury, in Wimbledon and US Open. She never won though. And now, it was her biggest match since coming back. She had an amazing support system and she was really happy with her play. So whatever happens, happens, that’s what she thought to herself stepping on court for that final time in this city this year. She was actually proud of herself she got this far anyway, and of the level she was able to play at. She got out and just did her best, left everything she had on that hard court. And apparently, it was enough.

The whole stadium erupted when she hit the final winner. Winning the game, set, match, and the whole tournament. She was a Grand Slam champion. One year ago, when she was laying on a hospital bed, unable to move her leg, she did not think this would happen, ever. But it did. She fell on the court, her mind still not registering what just happened. After a second, she got up and went to the net to congratulate her opponent. She knew her, they’ve played a number of times before, she was the one who beat Lucy at Wimbledon final, actually. She also knew her just from tour, they’ve spoken a couple of times, she was a nice woman, just two years older than Lucy. She then turned to the crowd and her eyes filled with tears. She could hear the loud claps and roars, could see almost entire stadium standing up, for her. She risked looking at her box, seeing her dad with his arms around her mum, who cried her eyes out, almost like her daughter was about to, saw Mia clapping and sending her kisses when she noticed Lucy looking their way. But most importantly, she saw Niall, standing in the first line, just next to her coach, clapping relentlessly with the biggest smile and the most proud look on his face she’s ever seen. He wasn’t even that proud when the entire arenas where singing his songs back to him. That’s how much each other’s success meant to them.

She couldn’t help herself and run towards them, barely able to reach for any of them, cause the box was quite high, but her dad held her hand, while Niall bent down and kissed the crown of her head, even though it was sweaty.

“You’re a champion, Lulu” he said softly, but surely, like he always knew this day would come. And she actually thought that maybe, somehow he did. Cause he always had faith in her, even when she lost hers. And that made her want to cry even more.

She exchanged small shakes of the hand and half-hugs from the rest of her family and team, cause that’s all she could reach and then returned to her seat to compose herself even a little bit.

The ceremony was a bit of a blur, main sponsor talking, she remembers some nice words of her opponent and then, it was time for her to speak.

“I’m still incredibly shocked, so please excuse me, if I’m not gonna be very coherent” she started, which earned her a small laugh from the audience. “I want to thank everyone who contributed to this tournament, all the judges, ballkids, everyone working backstage, and most importantly, all the fans. You always give me so much support and energy, I really love coming here and playing for you, so thank you. I really want to congratulate Simona, it’s always a true challenge playing against you, you’re a great player and thank you for making it a good show, at least I hope it was.” Another audience laugh and a smile and nod from her opponent. Now it was time to really speak from her heart. “This might be a bit long, so sorry, but I have a few things to say. It means so much to me, because as you probably know, I wasn’t able to play here last year, I’ve messed up my knee just few days before the start of this tournament, so just being back here now, let alone standing here as a winner, means the absolute world to me. Special thank you to my incredible team and my family, cause the past year was not easy, I know I wasn’t easy to deal with, so thank you for not losing your faith in me and standing by my side through it all. And thank you for your hard work and endless support all these years, I hope they paid off. But the biggest thank you to my fiance, Niall,” it was the first time she called him that publicly, until now their engagement was between them, their friends and family; she automatically reached her hand to touch the ring that was hanging around her neck, hidden underneath her shirt, she couldn’t wait to put it back on her finger, “he’s too modest to accept it, but I would not be standing here if it wasn’t for him. Thank you for picking me up, when I couldn’t get up myself. For always having faith in me and not letting me give up,” she saw his cheeks were red, but he was smiling. “If it weren’t for him, I would have quit playing a year ago, so thank you for being my rock and absolutely biggest supporter. And thank you for being here with me today. I love you.” Lucy wasn’t a fan of public display of feelings and affection, but she couldn’t help herself in that moment. What he did and what he meant to her was too much to just keep those feelings inside. And she knew Niall didn’t really mind, cause he blew her a kiss. “This means the world to me, thank you, and I’ll hopefully see you next year” she ended her speech, feeling the tears springing to her eyes once again.

It all was so surreal. She truly was living her best life. And it was only the beginning.

~~~

On the day of their anniversary, two days since Lucy’s big win, they’ve decided to officially go public with their engagement. Sure, there was a bit of a buzz regarding their relationship after she called him her fiance in her winning speech, but they didn’t comment on anything yet, but now they finally wanted to acknowledge the new chapter in their lives. And what better way to do that than on instagram. So in the evening, after they spent the day walking around Melbourne, enjoying the city, they’ve sat down to post. They both chose a similar picture, taken on the day of her win, in the locker room. They were stood next to each other, Lucy half a step before Niall and were both holding her trophy, her with her left hand, so the ring was visible. On the picture she was gonna post they were both smiling, while on the one Niall chose, he was kissing her cheek and her eyes where, what he called “a shining delight”.

“Are you ready?” she asked him. She was lying on their hotel bed, while he was sitting on the sofa. They’ve decided not to show each other the caption before posting, but wanted to put it up for the world to see at the same time.

“Yeah” he said looking up to her with a huge smile. She always loved that about him, his smile, it was so contagious, and she was just happy it was present on his face so often. “You?”

“Yup. On three?”

“One…”

“Two....”

“Three” they said in unison and hit post.

@niallhoran: This amazing woman won the biggest trophy. Many more to come. The most hard working, persistent, strong, brave and loving human I’ve ever met. Can’t wait to call you my wife, but fiance will do for now. Happy three years Lulu.

@lucebarker: The best person to share successes with. And everything else too. Just the best person, period. Thank you for lighting up my life for three years and all those to come. Can’t wait to share a last name with you, Mr. Horan.

#niall horan fanfiction #1dff #niall horan oneshot #one direction fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan one shot #i don't know what else to tag this #1dff challenge #writing #dtl #down the line

137 notes · View notes

mymindwide · 4 years

Text

It won’t be long we’ll meet again

Pairing: Ashton x Female reader

Word count: 6775

Warning: angst, feelings, smut

Author’s note: This is the chapter 2 (and closure) to ‘The end of heartache’. I hope you’ll love this too, and would just like to thank the support to those who were kind enough to write any kind of feedback on Chapter 1. :) I hope this won’t disappoint either. Take care and enjoy your read.

*****

You miss him. As plain as that sounds, sometimes the simplest words carry the heaviest burdens.

Six months ago you left your apartment with a sleeping Ashton in your bed, after he fucked you in that bed, and you convinced yourself that you don’t care about his motivation after all. You were glad it happened but eventually it just made things more difficult and painful for you.

Because although he’s never been yours, losing him broke your heart. That night you’ve spent together was… good. Obviously way more than just good. But why did he decide to come after you? He’s been in a seemingly happy relationship, then why? No doubt, he probably just felt pity for you after your confession. He always had a good and caring heart, you wouldn’t wonder if this was the case. Well, it really doesn’t matter now, does it? You took that risk; you knew what you were about to do, and as far as you remember your first thought was that you shouldn’t… yet you did nothing to stop him or rather you doing it. Now you were ready to pay the price for your decision, and you’re doing exactly this, painful or not.

Six months have passed since you left but you haven’t talked to any of them since. Well, not in live. Your communication went through emails, tweets and DMs on twitter, but those were very rare, you tried to keep it that way. After you had arrived and settled in your new living space you sent them an email with your address and the company’s name you were working at, at that time.

One day a delivery guy has left a small package for you at the reception of the building you were living in. The tiny velvet box hid a pretty white gold necklace with an angel wing medal; the gift card attached to it wished you all the best and let you know about a certain protection sentiment behind it, and was signed as C.A.L.M under that with the real signatures of Cal, Ash, Lu and Mike. An immediate smile crept on your face, because knowing the guys too well, this was either Cal’s or Ashton’s idea, and if you had to place a bet, your vote would be for Ash. No offense to Luke and Mikey, but they are not as thoughtful as the other two, and they are perfectly aware of this. This is again something that doesn’t make the disengagement easier for you, but you happily and proudly wear that beautiful necklace since the moment you have received it.

In the meantime you have changed a job, because two months ago you left that marketing position for a once in a lifetime opportunity – you were hired at iHeartRadio New York City in a program manager assistant position for one of its afternoon show. Everything was so new and fast and challenging, you had so many things to learn and do and still get used to, that you didn’t find the time and way to let the guys know about this new situation.

* * *

That day started pretty usual and normal, though at some point you should have started to suspect and prepare for the opposite. Just not long after you put your foot in the skyscraper building, there was a complete power outage; you had to call firefighters to help the trapped people escape from the elevators. You had to call the building maintenance guys to restore the electricity so the ca. 150 companies (including the city’s biggest radio station) can continue to work. You had to call some technicians to try to resettle your servers and computers. They managed to do that, however some of your fax machines have completely died due to the blackout, therefore you were asked to pass over a few important papers to one of your presenters shortly being on air, that he’d need to interview his guests that are already in the building. The entire 15th floor was your radio’s, so you picked up the folder and ran across the long hallway to reach the glass window studio on time. It was an impressive performance with 3 inches heels on your feet. After delivering the “goods” you joked to yourself that you should consider entering the next sprint competition that’s going to be held in the city. If you can do it on heels you’d have a good chance without them as well. You realized you needed to use the bathroom before returning back to your office, therefore you made a quick left turn on the corridor, but you didn’t get to the women’s restroom, because a familiar figure leaned against the wall next to the men’s restroom typing on his cellphone. You went closer, because you didn’t want to believe your eyes; your heart was pounding against your chest heavier than ever before.

“Mi-Mikey?!” as you called his name he lowered his hands with the phone in them, turned around and as he realized who dared speak to him, his eyes widened and with that drive you wrapped your arms around his neck clinging to him like a startled sparrow.

“Y/N! What are you…, how?” he hugged you back tight.

“I’m working here” you responded as you let him go and took a step back so you can check him out.

“But we thought you’re at that marketing company.”

“I know and I was, this opportunity came 2 months ago” you started to gaze your feet as you felt your conscience remind you of all the missed chances to let your friends know about this new job. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier” you looked up at him with literal shame in your eyes.

“We kinda got used to it by now…” he smiled at you.

“I…I’m…”

“Just kidding, it’s so good to see you!” a grin appears on his face and that slightly reassures your nerves and remorse too.

“The others?”

“I guard the door while they are inside using whatever toilet they have to” he rolled his eyes. “I swear to you they’re still a bunch of babies, I told them to use the bathroom in the hotel, but nah, we’re good. You can see how good they are…” he points at the door of the men’s restroom making you laugh with his comment.

“What’s up Mike, now you’re talking to yourse…” – the door opened and as Luke came out first he couldn’t even finish the sentence coz after Mikey you appeared in his field of view and you got the same reaction as from Mikey.

“Y/N?!”

“Me” and you took a step towards him too to wrap your hands around his neck.

“What are you doing here?” he stroked your back quickly.

“I’ll tell you everything, just wait for the other two now so I don’t have to repeat myself four times”

“I’ll tell your girlfriends that you two beguile the lady assistants at every radio station we put our feet into…” came another familiar voice from the opening door, and this time you could surprise Calum.

“Man, I think they wouldn’t mind this one…” smiled Luke.

“Cal!!!!!!” you jumped into his neck and he held you tight to himself lifting you up a bit, your feet not touching the ground below you.

“Holy shit, girl, what are…” he started asking the obvious question as he put you down back on your feet.

“I know, what am I doing here, and I swear I’m going to answer just…”

And this time you were the one who couldn’t finish your sentence coz the door has been opened for the third time and Ashton stepped outside looking confused for a second at the sight of the little group gathering until he found the incongruous member of his band. The others fell silent as if someone has stopped the time and cut you out of this scene. Actually, time has stopped for you too, because you weren’t exactly prepared for this spectacle either, seeing him obviously brought back memories, but even if those memories didn’t exist, he looked so handsome, so good-looking in his set that consisted of a black torn jeans and a black button-up shirt with the first few buttons being unbuttoned leaving a perfect view at his subtly muscular chest, that you felt a little bit lost at that moment.

“Y/N?”

“Hi Ash…” you bit your bottom lip to feel some kind of pain that holds you back from collapsing inside and burst into tears in front of them. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you, so you took that first step to hug him too, though evidently not with the same vehemence as you did with the other three. Your hands rested on his back and only for a few seconds, his hands mirrored your movements on your back, a few gentle caresses and you let each other go pretty quickly. Quick enough to feel this hug awkward, but you guess that’s what you get when you fuck with someone you consider a friend even though you feel way more for him.

“Hi, sweetheart” he smiled at you and this gesture eased the tension in you enough to get your shit together.

You took a short glance at the other three behind you, and they stared at you two as if they were watching bombs that could explode at any minute. Is it possible that they know something about what has happened between us months ago? Ahh, anyway, I have no time for this now, now that these four stand in front of me, still a total miracle and a quite big shock at the same time. You took a big breath and started telling them very quickly about your job change.

“Who did you come to?” you asked from any of them.

“Greg? Is it Greg?” Lu asked back.

“Ah so it’s you guys who he’s waiting for. Actually I just brought his papers for him, so he can ask questions from you” you grinned.

“I thought it worked a bit more modern these days” Ash smirked.

“It does, smartass, we just had a… bit of a situation in the morning, and all electronics went to shit due to a power outage.”

“And if it wasn’t for that, we wouldn’t have you right here right now” Cal came and gave you a half hug.

“Guys, I missed you so much, you have no idea.”

“Boys, we have one minute left…” Mike warned you and you literally saw the panic in his eyes as he looked around your little branch.

“What is it Mikey?” you asked.

“It’s just… we have to go, and I assume you have to go back to work too, but we’re staying for the night and leave only tomorrow, so I thought we could meet for a dinner somewhere? I mean, only if you want it, too, of course!” he sputtered and was eyeing Cal and Luke, though Ashton got a glance from him too.

“I’d be more than happy to do that with you guys” you shrugged with a smile on your face.

“Since you live here, you can recommend a restaurant maybe?”

“What about Ceci? It’s Italian and it’s only three corners down this avenue.”

“Sounds awesome. When will you finish?”

“At 4.”

“Then 6? Is that good?”

“Then 6, it is.”

“See you at Ceci, baby” Cal hugged you first, and all the others joined him, resulting in you melting in a group hug.

“Good luck and see you soon” you waved them goodbye, and with a huge smile on your face and a long-awaited excitement in your heart you headed back to your office.

* * *

“Target #1 in the building” Cal made a comment.

“We can see that as well, Captain Obvious” snapped Mikey.

“Dude, calm down, and let me remind you that this whole thing was your idea.”

“I know… thanks again, Captain Obvious.”

“If you won’t stop with the captain thing, I’ll hit you on the head.”

“Would you please shut up for a minute, both of you. I can’t see from the noise you two make” Luke intervenes.

“Anyway, what’s your problem? We’re good so far, aren’t we?” Cal continues.

“But what if Ash sensed something? Weren’t we too obvious with the ‘buying gifts for the girls’ thing?”

“Don’t think so man, last time I checked we do have girlfriends…” Luke tried to reassure Mike.

“But Cal doesn’t.”

“And? I focus on myself right now!” snapped back Cal resentfully.

“Dude, that’s not the point! Good for you. I just want this to work.”

“He’s gonna be here.”

“Young amigos, if we don’t go anywhere I have to ask you to get out of the car” says the driver of the taxi they sat in. “You know I have a big family, have to give them food.”

“Luke, give me 40 bucks.”

“Why me?”

“Coz your net worth is the highest, and I’m just a poor guitarist from Sydney” scoffs Mikey.

“If this is gonna work, Ash owes me…” mumbles Luke as he slaps the money in Mike’s hand at the passenger’s seat.

“Are you sure you don’t have Scottish or Jewish ancestors…?” Mike side eyed Luke. “If this is gonna work, I’ll personally give this back to you, you mean bastard.”

“Oh shut up, Clifford.”

“Does this cover an hour route?” Mike holds out the money to the driver.

“Si senor, it’ll do.”

“Guys! Guys, target #2 is approaching the building…” Cal’s voice warned the quarreling couple, and all four men in the taxi looked in the direction of the restaurant on the other side of the road.

* * *

You completely lost your sense of time after you went home from the studio. To your biggest luck you have found a flat incredibly close to your workplace, actually it’s halfway through between the studio and the restaurant, so you had time to try out at least 20 clothing combinations for the dinner. Based on how the day had started you would not have dared dream that it would end like this. You came here with the thought you’ll never see them again, and here you are, you’ll have a date with four of your best friends, and that makes you beyond excited. The long and short of it is that you ended up 15 minutes earlier at the restaurant, wearing your favorite black torn jeans with a simple V-neck white t-shirt and matching black high heels.

You were checking your phone every minute preparing yourself for them to write you in the last possible second that they’re sorry but won’t be able to make it, but no message has arrived, so you started becoming very excited by every passing minute. You were about to put your phone on the table when you looked up from it and glimpsed Ashton walking towards the table you were sitting at, the table that was booked by Mr. Clifford for 5. You rose from your seat to greet him and grabbed the opportunity to check him out very quickly and hopefully not too strikingly.

“You look wonderful” he hugged you with one hand “…and I like the jeans” he added grinning at you as his eyes lowered to the knee part of your jeans where it’s been torn.

“Well, I have to admit, there’s a slight Irwin impact on my fashion sense regarding jeans.”

“I’ll have a greater legacy than Versace” he joked.

“Ahh as to Versace, have you watched the second…”

“I have and I had no one I could talk about it with” he said semi-sadly, semi-excitedly not even waiting for you to finish the sentence.

“I know, me neither. I missed our regular series talk shows” you smiled at him.

“Anyway, it was definitely shockingly brilliant.”

He hardly finished the sentence; the receptionist came towards you and stopped next to your table. You looked up at her simultaneously.

“Sorry for interrupting you, I would like to apologize for the inconvenience, but Mr. Clifford just phoned us and let us know, that the remaining 3 person won’t be joining you, therefore I’d like to escort you to a quieter, more private table for two, if you don’t mind” she has flashed her nicest smile at you two.

Both Ashton and you looked at your phones at the same time looking for some explanation behind this situation but neither of you got any messages from any of the guys and looked up from your phones as confused as the other.

“We haven’t ordered yet, so it’s fine for me…” he told the receptionist but he looked at you all the way waiting for an approval.

“Yeah, it’s okay, of course” you blinked still confused.

“Thank you very much. As a compensation for the inconvenience, tonight’s drinks are on the restaurant.”

You stood up and followed the lady in front of you, while looking at each other conspiratorially, because you knew something that the management of the restaurant did not - namely neither Ash nor you drank any alcohol, so the worst that can happen is the mineral water stock will be less with a few bottles.

As soon as you put your bottoms down on your seats, a waitress came to take your order, and to your waters you ordered a Caesar salad and Ash stayed with a steak though he chose salad as garnish too.

“Never thought you were the salad type” Ash noted.

“Believe me, I am still not, but you should have seen the food I was poisoning myself with since being here. My body really can use a lighter meal now. I’m literally craving it.”

“Can’t blame you. I guess everyone’s first thing to do when arriving in New York is to try all the food we see on Man vs. Food.”

“Yeah, that’s how I got to know the city, basically” you laughed. “Uhm, as to those three bastards you call your bandmates and I called friends… I assume you didn’t know about this” you cocked an eyebrow at him.

“No, I didn’t. They told me they’re going gift shopping, and that they’ll join us in time.” “Obviously they won’t now” the right corner of your mouth pulled in a sarcastic smile.

“If you don’t feel like it, we don’t have to do this…”

“Ash, no, it’s not why I…” your hand has swung quicker than you thought and by the time you realized, it already rested on Ash’s forearm, trying to keep him from standing up from the table. As soon as you saw why he’s looking at his arm you jerked your hand back.

“Hey, I didn’t plan to go anywhere“ he smiled at you seeing you blushing as he really just adjusted his chair.

“Sorry…” you whispered feeling ashamed, not exactly knowing why though.

“No, it’s okay… Actually, I’d like to talk to you about something.”

You swallowed as if you had known what’s coming.

“Can we talk about us?”

“Us?”

“Yes, us and that particular night. Should I remind you of…”

“No. It’s not something that just disappears. Not after how we said goodbye” you tucked your lips between your teeth as an automatic reflex because you felt your pulse getting higher, and your anxiety creeping up.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it a goodbye…”

“But it was.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up when you left? We could have talked.”

“You know, I thought about it a lot since then. Even felt certain guilt. But that day was emotional enough for me, besides my life here was already pretty much prepared. At that moment it felt right.”

“And now?”

“Ash… Why did you come to me that night in the first place?” you started losing your patience as you felt him calling you to account. You wanted to show him he’s not the only one with questions.

“What do you think?”

“For months I was convinced it was out of pity from your side.”

“Out of pity… But did that really feel like it though?”

“I don’t know, Ash. Again, that day was hard enough and you didn’t make the things easier either.”

“Did you know you left a mark on me? Nail scratches on both my shoulder blades” he smiled. “A few days later I became single.”

“I didn’t want to get you in trouble” you told him with honesty and worry in your voice. You really had no idea that they are no longer together.

“It has nothing to do with it; I just thought I’ll let you know, since it made me smile when I noticed it at home. And as far as I remember it was me who knocked on your door…”

“But I could have told you to leave…” you quickly closed your eyes as instant memory moments rushed through your mind about the exact scene you were talking about. How he kissed you and picked you up in his lap, and how much you didn’t exactly protest against it, but kissed him back and wrapped your legs around his waist instead… About how your body reacted to his in a millisecond.

“Did you regret what we’ve done back then?”

“No” you said after a few seconds of silence. “But it just made things more difficult for me.”

“As of?”

“Leaving behind what I wanted to leave behind. Forgetting you” you felt a sudden sadness as you uttered these words aloud.

You didn’t even notice how easily you eased into your conversation and that the anxiety you felt at the beginning just disappeared most likely thanks to the calmness that flowed out of Ashton, the soothing tone of his voice, the way he spoke to you.

You loved how honestly and openly you could talk about this, when it could have turned out enormously awkward as well.

“And you? Did you regret that you came to my apartment that night?” you rested your elbow on the table while supported your head with your palm.

“No. It made me realize a few things.”

“As of?” you smiled.

“You know I don’t believe in too many things, but what I believe in is that there are no coincidences. Us meeting here, totally accidentally, has to have a greater purpose. And I’d like to tell you something and I’d like you to listen to me. I want you to know that I liked you all along. From the beginning. I always thought we had a special connection and we understood each other quite well. But I was stupid and thought we’re friends, and it’s not gonna lead anywhere, you know, you don’t shit in your own backyard… And this is what I regretted. That simply out of fear I didn’t even try to give it a chance, and when you confessed six months ago it kinda slapped me in the face. The only thing I could tell you was that I was sorry. That’s what I felt sorry about. Not you. My own self and my missed opportunity. That I was satisfied with less when I could have something more valuable too. You helped me open my eyes and as it hit me, I wanted to see you. That’s why I visited you that night.”

As he said all these things to you, your heart just wished to leave your body. Never in your wildest dreams could you imagine that he, in any way, could feel the same like you, and now here you are.

The whirlwind came and you looked down at the table, lips trembling and the first stream of tears rolled down your face. He reached for your hand, gently grabbed it with his and you squeezed it letting all the remaining tension and anxiety go, as his thumb brushed your skin.

“So now you know. Pity never was on the table.”

Wiping those few stray tear drops you smiled at him as you still hold hands.

“This whole situation is because of me, coz I fucked that up, and for this I am sorry too.”

“Ash… it doesn’t matter now. I’m glad you’re here, I’m glad we’re here. And I’d just like to hug you now, so bad” a liberated shred of laughter escaped your lips.

“I can promise you we’ll get round to it” he flashed a smile at you squeezing your hand once more before he let it go, as your ordered meals had arrived.

* * *

While eating you could continue with much lighter topics; he let you into their plans and ongoing work with their new material and all the shenanigans you missed while being in the other side of the states, and you told him about the musical legends and celebs you had the pleasure to meet thanks to your last two months at the radio. It was around 8pm when you left Ceci, and tried to find a secluded place on the sidewalk where you aren’t in the way of others and they aren’t in yours.

“Can I collect my hug now?” you smiled at him and just hoped you don’t sound too desperate, though you were not sure whether he would care at all if you did.

You certainly did not care. Your heart got lighter, your eyes shined brighter after your dinner, and just feeling him this close, like never before, filled you with such happiness you never thought you’ll feel again. He pulled you closer and you went upon your tiptoes to wrap your hands around his neck while his arms slithered around your waist wreathing you into a tight hug. Your senses were looking for the familiar feelings - his citrus scent filled up your nose, your arms rested safely on his wide shoulders providing you the sense of security that you felt only with him.

You very slowly let go of him and stood back on your feet, as your eyes kept holding onto each other’s.

His fingertips ghosted along your arms going down to reach their destination in your palms.

“Can I kiss you?” his eyes hiding a slight insecurity were searching yours.

“Are you really asking for permission when…” you smiled.

“I am, because this is our first date” he wasn’t waiting for you to finish.

“Then please, kiss me” you whispered still smiling.

His hands let go of yours and found their new place on your waist pulling you closer and on the side of your neck angling your face slightly upwards so he can attach his lips on yours while your hands slid up to rest on his chest.

This kiss was different from what you shared the last time, of course no wonder, since that night wasn’t exactly about the most extensive and deepest exploration of the other. You simply didn’t have time for that, and weren’t in that particular headspace.

This kiss was feathery, gentle and exploratory – the kind that makes you lose your mind.

You felt yourself in a dream and as the seconds went by, you sensibly became needier; his fingertips pressed harder on your waist while your hands grasped his shirt on his stomach. A sense rushed through your veins, a recognition, that made you feel almost ashamed and shy for wanting to be with him again.

A loud honk reminded you that you’re in the middle of the street, so you slowly let each other go, and still feeling the ghost of his lips on yours you leaned your forehead against his collarbone slightly shaking your head as you let out a heavier sigh.

“Damn…”

“What?” his tone gave away that he’s smiling.

“I feel like I should be ashamed of the thoughts that are filling my mind right now.”

“If they are anything similar to mine, then yeah, you should…”

His remark made you chuckle into his chest. You lifted your eyes on him and you felt exactly the same way as you did six months ago that night when you stood in the hall of your apartment staring at each other, trying to read from the other’s eyes and face. And again, just like back then, there was no question to which the answers couldn’t have been found in your eyes.

“Come…” you intertwined your fingers and took a few steps backwards never breaking the eye contact.

“Where are we…” he asked as you started heading down the road.

“My flat is two minutes away.”

* * *

“Wake up you two! They are out!” Cal shouted, and the other three gentlemen in the car hoisted in their seats. “Not you, Pedro, you can sleep back.”

“This is my car, I wanna watch!” the driver stared out his window sticking to the windowpane, and Cal just shrugged.

“Awww, they are hugging”

“Thanks for the live broadcast, mate, but I’d rather check it myself” Luke just tried to push Cal out of the way so he can see something with his own eyes too.

“Oh, that senorita is la belleza; I’d hug her too…” Pedro remarked and his passengers shared a quick glance that made obvious what they think about their plus one – they managed to get stuck with a perv.

“Woah woah woah, oh my god, come on Ash, you get it dude!” shouted Cal as they watched their two targets embrace in a kiss.

“Yesss” Luke cried out joining in the celebration.

“Could you please move over, that’s my friend, I have to see them” Mike tried to push the driver away.

“I wanna see, I wanna see” their ad hoc driver fought back, and as he did, his elbow pressed the honk on the steering wheel.

All four of them pulled their heads down immediately, searching for cover behind the doors of the vehicle.

“Man, you can ruin everything” Mikey yelled at the driver grumpily.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to cause trouble” their driver justified himself.

Carefully and very slowly they all rose from their cover, and saw the targets still standing on the sidewalk, although not kissing.

“Let’s just hope they’ll find a hotel, if I were them I’d do…” Cal made the comment.

“Dude, you need to get laid soon…” Luke shook his head in response to Cal cocking his eyebrow.

“Just like he will be…?!” Cal indicated out the window, pointing at the pair as they hold hands and the girl takes a few steps backward still facing their bandmate.

“Damn, I’m a genius…” grinned Mikey.

* * *

While waiting for the elevator in the building you hardly could let each other catch your breath, being able to kiss him without any heartbreak or shame felt beyond liberating.

“Waiiiit, shit” he pulled away from you.

“What’s wrong?”

“This time I don’t have any condoms, I wasn’t expecting… the whole press tour or this evening to take such a turn” he whispered.

“This only means… you have to… pull out in time…” you kissed it on his lips. “Can you do that for me?”

“Do you trust me?” he cupped your face looking in your eyes with his very serious ones. After all you were about to play a dangerous game, that can have consequences, so you had to be sure, you take this risk. But you trusted him more than anyone.

“You know I do.”

After getting back to your flat, between passionate kisses you helped each other get rid of your clothes and shortly you found yourselves naked on the couch, discarded clothes here and there on the floor around you.

Ash sat on the couch; you stood in front of him as he, kissing the skin on your stomach, pushed your last piece of cloth you had on -your panties- down your legs.

Straddling him you were holding onto his shoulders, and you slowly ran down your nails on his chest to his stomach very lightly. He most likely worked out more in the last six months; his abs became more defined than what you were remembering.

He reached up to pull you closer by the back of your neck merging you in a kiss that you were getting so many in the last 20 minutes from, and yet you couldn’t get enough.

You slid your hand lower to take his hardness and as you wrapped your fingers around it he moaned into your mouth just fueling your desire to give him as much pleasure as you can. You quickly started caressing him, smearing his pre-cum on his tip, before you lifted yourself on your knees enough to position his cock over your entrance.

“Wait, are you rea…”

“Am I ready?” you smiled at him and lead his tip over your wetness a few times. “I couldn’t be readier” you leaned towards him to kiss him again rewarding him for his thoughtfulness, since last time he made sure you were ready for him, now your kisses and touches ensured it.

You leaned your forehead against his as you lowered yourself on him, and a soft whimper escaped both of you at the same time.

“Fuck, woman…”

“God, you’re magic…” you gasped.

“We are” he tilted his head back against the headrest of the couch, leaving his throat free for you to lick and kiss.

After getting used to feeling his size inside you again, with the guidance of his hands on your hips you started to grind your hips, first just slowly, up and down, then slightly increasing the pace you were riding him harder letting him fully fill you up.

Your nails scratched down from his shoulders down to his chest leaving a light mark.

“Old habits die hard?” he breathed out making you smile with it as you brushed your fingers over the marks and you leaned forward to lick into his mouth, your hips never stopping with bouncing up and down on him.

„Is this good?” you asked him as you reached behind you, running your fingers around his balls squeezing them a little. Although you already knew the answer seeing the look in his eyes and hearing the hitches in his breathing. His body gave obvious responses to your touch.

„You haven’t been this chatty last time…” he swallowed back a groan.

„Well, last time you haven’t been this single, either…”

You were like fire on fire, perfectly igniting each other’s arousal. It was like you never felt yourself this alive.

He cupped your breasts in his hands and as you slowed your hips he took his time to caress and massage them, kiss them and suck on your nipples, circling his tongue around them sending you into hyperspace with all this sensation. Now you had the chance to discover what you couldn’t six months earlier.

Your movements slowed down as your thighs started to tire, and Ash sensing this took control over the things from then. His hands found their way back on your hips and he started to pound into you in the same rhythm you moved on him. It’s been a new sensation and his name fell from your lips like a prayer as your pleasure started to build in your core.

“Please don’t stop, I’m so close” you whispered in his ear whimpering before you took his earlobe with his earring into your mouth pulling on it a little.

He kept your hips in place and this time it was really just him moving his hips a bit faster than before and you screamed as your walls spamsed around his cock in you. He threw his head back and as his grip loosened on your hips you started moving again riding out your own climax.

He looked back at you and you smiled at him in your delirium, kissing him deeply for the pleasure he gave you.

Reaching under your butt he stood up and took you into your bedroom, putting you down on the bed.

“Where do you want me?” you asked as you really were ready to give him anything he wants or needs in any position.

“Just lie down. I’d like to see your pretty face as I take you.”

With only this one sentence he sent a jolt through you again and you did as he told, lying on your back you were waiting for his promise to be fulfilled.

Leaning over you he entered you again and with a louder moan you welcomed back that now familiar and oh so good feeling of having him inside you. This time he picked up a quicker pace that he slowed down on purpose from time to time, you saw him struggling more and more as he tried to lengthen our moments as long as he can, but six months was six months for him too…

“Ash, don’t hold it back” you caressed his face. “You can come. I need you to. We’ll have plenty of time to do this…” you brushed his lower lip with your thumb before he leaned down to kiss you.

After a few more thrusts, he pulled his cock out of you, rested it on your abdomen for a second, and looking down, seeing his length lying under your stomach you wished he could put it back to feel him finish off inside you.

He took his cock in his hand and started to pump it slowly until you reached down almost immediately to replace his hand with yours keeping your constant eye contact. Seeing the lust still shining in his eyes and hearing his groans through his gasping as your warm palm covers his soft skin lightly twirling and moving on it back and forth, paying special attention to the sensitive part right under his tip was the crown of this night for you. Without moving your head, only your eyes wandered down to capture the moment of his cum spilling out onto your stomach, your eyes immediately found back to his, your teeth grazing your bottom lip. Ash’s soft moans filled the room, the moans you could hear with your ears but feel with your soul. Not stopping with stroking him, you slowed down with your movements and he leaned down to kiss you while you still kept his length in your hand, your thumb wiping the last drops off of his tip.

“I’ll bring a cloth” he whispered on your lips after taking a look down at your stomach covered with the drops of his cum.

“You’ll find some in the bathroom cabinet.”

You heard him run the tap and soon he came back with a wet cloth helping you get clean, then wiped himself too. After taking it back to the bathroom, he came back and lied down next to you.

“I like your necklace” he stroked your jewelry hanging around your neck.

“It’s so beautiful, and I love it so much, I didn’t take it off since I received it.”

“Could we give this a chance? Maybe the timing wasn’t right back then, but it can be now. I want this. I want us. I want you.”

“If you’re working on to see me cry again, you’re doing it right” you smiled at him.

“I’m dead serious” he reached out to you and stroked your face.

“I know. And I’d like this too.” you took his hand in yours kissing into his palm.

“Come home to us.”

“I want to. And I will. But I have to close my barely begun life here first” you laughed.

“I won’t let you out of my reach again.”

“You better not, Irwin.”

He drew a cross over his heart with his pointer finger.

“In the morning we can work everything out. And this time I’ll be around.”

“Promise?” he smirked.

“Promise” you drew a cross over your heart too and leaning over him you sealed your promise on his lips with a kiss before he playfully pulled you onto his body.

Caressing and kissing each other you slowly quieted, and with tangled limbs you finally fell asleep in each other’s arms.

* * *

I can’t recall the last time I was this happy in my life.

Imagining a life where I open my eyes in the morning and the first thing I catch a glimpse of is the beautiful and peaceful face of the man I love was only a dream for me for so many years.

But it’s funny how life can make up for its own mistakes.

I remember the girl from six months earlier. How bad she wanted to touch him, how bad she wanted to kiss him awake, how bad she wanted to put her hand over his heart just to feel its even beating.

And now I’ll just do exactly that.

#ashton irwin #ashton irwin x reader #5sos #ashton irwin fic #fic time #fic by me

47 notes · View notes

detectivecarlosreyes · 4 years

Link

Series: Part 2 of Hidden Truths / Link to Part 1: The Secrets We Keep

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Chapter summary:

Older sisters are very perceptive, Buck should have known Maddie would be concerned about his life choices.

Read under the cut

It was a few nights later and Buck was sitting on the floor starting the process of boxing up non-essential items, when his phone dinged with a text from Maddie saying she was on her way over, reminding him of the fact that it was Buckley sibling dinner night. And he was hosting, which meant that he was supposed to be ordering or cooking dinner while Maddie brought the wine. And…he had forgotten.

He quickly sent her a reply before checking the fridge for any feasible dinner options only to realise he hadn’t thought to restock his fridge, mostly because he’d been at Eddie’s place the last couple of nights. Picking up his phone Buck scrolled through dinner options before settling on ordering some Spanish dishes that he knew Maddie liked, to be delivered.

Just as he finished doing that he could hear Maddie’s keys jangling against the door, signaling her arrival.

Buck turned around and selected two wine glasses from the cabinet for them as Maddie breezed through the door. “Whew, traffic was a nightmare! Hey there, little brother.” She said walking in, planting a kiss on his cheek as she sets down a bottle of chardonnay beside the glasses.

“Hey Mads.” He responded fondly, “We’ve been having Chinese food too much lately, so I’ve got Spanish food on the cards for dinner tonight, should be here in half an hour or so.” Buck said as he poured the wine. He knew that she wasn’t really listening though, seeing as she was more focused on the numerous half-packed boxes sitting open throughout his living room.

Collecting both glasses, he handed Maddie one and took a sip of his own as she gestured to the room. “What’s with all the boxes?” She asked, brow furrowed, “Are you moving?”

Buck moved around the island bench and took a seat on one of the stools. “Yeah, my lease is almost a month away from ending, and I figured I’d find a place closer to the station.”

Maddie sat down across from him and eyed him with suspicion, “How long have you known?”

He shrugged nonchalantly and looked away at the boxes, knowing that she wasn’t going to like his answer. “A couple of months.”

Maddie reached over and lightly slapped him on the arm, “Evan! Why didn’t you tell me sooner, I could have been helping you find a place!”

He rolled his eyes at her antics, slightly offended that she thought he couldn’t find a place by himself. “I’ve been looking I swear! But I wasn’t sure whether I was going stay on for another contract or find somewhere else until now!”

She looked at him unconvinced, “So you found somewhere else then?”

Buck twirled his glass at the stem and took another sip as he muttered his answer into the liquid.

“Evan,” said Maddie warningly.

He sighed and set the glass down but kept his focus on it as he swirled its contents, knowing that there was no point in keeping it from her when she’d find out sooner or later. “Eddie offered his spare bedroom and I’m taking him up on it.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea.” Maddie reached across the space between them and placed her hand over his, “Despite the fact that I’ve teased you before about it being a boy crush, I know how much you like him.” He smiled softly, knowing she was referring to his accidental confession many months ago.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s just a stopover point for a month or so until I find the right place.” He couldn’t help but grin, “I think Eddie is just happy to have another adult in the house for once, someone to share the load with, even if it is for a little while.”

Their conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door, but Buck could tell it wasn’t over with the way Maddie was looking at him. Picking up his wallet from the benchtop, he collected their dinner and handed the delivery person their tip before relocating them to the lounge room. It’s only then that Maddie resumed the conversation.

“I just wanted to make sure that you thought this all the way through. It surely won’t be easy living with someone you’ve been crushing on who doesn’t feel the same way.” She said, concern bleeding into her words.

He gave her a look, “Come on Maddie, give me some credit, I’ve managed this long while working with him haven’t I?”

He appreciated her looking out for him, he really did, but he was going to be selfish. If Eddie was offering a chance for him to get closer and be his housemate then Buck was going to take it even if it was just temporary.

“I know. I just can’t help but worry about my baby brother.” She fell quiet at that but continued to scrutinize his face, so much so that Buck couldn’t hold her gaze any longer and turned his full attention to the food in his hands. “Speaking of which, how has work been lately? You look tired.”

Buck shrugged and continued to pick at his meal, appetite abandoning him with her line of questioning hit a little too close to home, implying that he wasn't sleeping, which in all honesty he wasn’t. “We had a bad call a few nights ago, and it just been playing on my mind lately, that’s all.”

“Howie didn’t mention anything, what happened?”

Buck sighed and set down what was left of the yellow rice he was playing with and topped up his glass instead, “I was sent down into the LA River for a body retrieval, had to be up close and personal the victim while securing a rope around him.” He shuddered, “let’s just say it wasn’t the most pleasant of experiences.”

Maddie pursed her lips like she did whenever she got lost in thought and he could see her putting two and two together. “The tsunami,” she murmured before redirecting her attention back to him, “I’m guessing it’s brought back bad memories?”

Buck nodded, “But I’ve got it under control Mads, you don’t need to worry about it.” and he doesn’t elaborate more than that, unwilling to make a big deal out of a few hours of lost sleep.

He knew he was lying to himself, but he didn’t want to admit that it was worse than what he’d made it out to be. Also, because he didn’t want to admit that the tsunami affected him even now especially after he pretended he was fine back then after it happened.

Maddie pulled him out of his thoughts with a light touch to the knee, “As long as you know you can talk to me about it, same as always.”

“I know.” He replied softly.

They sit quietly for a bit after that with the atmosphere of the room weighing heavily on them. Buck couldn’t stand for that, it wasn’t the point of these dinners so he changed the subject, moving onto lighter conversation by asking Maddie how things were going with Chim.

She immediately brightened at his question and proceeded to gush about the things she and Chim have gotten up to lately. It did seem strange to know more about his workmate than he ever wanted to, but in saying that, he was happy for them, glad to know that they had found joy and love with each other.

Tags: @judsonryder @bisexualbuck @benjisvictor @seaofashes @chimbuckleys @maysgrant @pan-buck @adamngoodbuck @buckleydiazs @nearly-writes @oliversstark @brilliantbanshee @eddiediaz

please let me know if you would like to be tagged 💖

26 notes · View notes

peterstanslizzie · 4 years

Text

Reacting To: Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts (Season 2 Episode 6)

Episode Title: Fun Gus Part 2

Spoiler Warning: Kindly proceed if you’ve already seen the episode or are able to handle spoilers.

1. Finally! The three cloaked individuals have revealed their identities to us and they’re humans just like I predicted too. They also have managed to steal the giant collar from Scarlemagne and the leader, who we still don’t know her name surprises me and asks the others to put the collar around the Mega Monkey. I thought they wanted to bring it as far away as possible from the monkey? Well, the monkey understands what she’s asking them to do and goes on to attack her before escaping its den.

2. Back in Kipo’s parents old apartment; Kipo, Wolf and Benson are spooked by the fungus mute with the toddler voice. It decides to come out of hiding and reveals itself to them. It’s actually kind of cute and he calls himself “Fun Gus”. Ahhh, so that’s where the name of the episode title comes from lol. We also know that Dave and Mandu are fine but Fun Gus considers them as his toys now.

3. They try to convince him to give them back but Fun Gus isn’t budging. Realizing that he’s just a kid, Kipo asks him if he would like for ALL of them, including Dave and Mandu to read him a story, to which he agrees but wants to be the one to read it. Whilst he’s reading Kipo’s mom’s journal, they use this distraction as an opportunity to find their friends.

4. Fun Gus is actually reading the part in Song’s journal where Kipo stopped last episode and it’s the part about Song discovering she grew fur. So we get another flashback of the past:

5. Song and Lio are trying to make sense of what’s happening to her; Song thinks that it could be the result of Kipo’s stem cells passing to her via “microchirerism”, which is basically a fancy term for what they just explained to us. They’re worried about their lab team members finding out about this or else they will use her work to turn mutes back into animals. So they need to give them a good excuse to allow Song to not come to work.

6. I think the question here is how did the animals of Las Vistas become mutes in the first place? Was it through experiments conducted by humans? Like if you were to ask me if turning back the mutes into animals is a good thing, I can’t really give you an answer.

7. Lio comes up with the idea to tell them she needs to be quarantined at home because she has burrow pox, which DOES NOT EXIST! So Lio has been lying to Kipo for all her life but again...why? Is her mom living her life as a full jaguar mute now with no recollection of her old memories? That seems quite likely.

8. Kipo is now caught off guard by this new revelation and thinks that her mother might still be alive. They also wonder if she’s taken away by the scientists or possibly even Scarlemagne. Fun Gus then pops up from inside a cupboard and asks them if they’re still listening to him. Kipo comes up with another idea and that is to play hide and go seek with him; If they manage to find Dave and Mandu, they can win them back.

9. Meanwhile, the Umlaut snakes are being tied up by the Nobles and they’re forced to attend Scarlemagne’s coronation; Well, at least they’re not dead. Anyways, Scarlemagne finally notices that the collar isn’t with them anymore and that the Mega Monkey has ran off.

10. As Kipo, Wolf and Benson are trying to find their friends, Kipo tries to use her heightened sense of smell to track them by making her jaguar nose appear. And very shortly after, they manage to find them. But Fun Gus still wants to play; Ugh, he’s starting to really annoy me.

11. Scarlemagne and the Nobles are also doing some searching of their own but the Mega Monkey trapped his Nobles in a net, leaving only himself to capture her. Without the collar, how exactly is Scarlemagne going to control her again since the Mega Monkey is really strong.

12. Our main characters unfortunately have no other choice but to play with Fun Gus. But eventually, they manage to trick him into closing his eyes, thinking that it’s a game and he also ends up falling asleep. However, they can’t escape just yet because Kipo still doesn’t think that her mom’s journal is the anchor she needs and she wants to keep looking by continuing to read through the journal.

13. We head back to the flashback and Lio reveals to Song that the scientists are getting suspicious of her burrow pox and he thinks they should leave tonight. Song isn’t feeling so good and it’s not because of what he said but it’s cuz she’s in LABOR! It then fast forwards post-delivery and they’re on the bed with baby Kipo. That was quick! LOL. And she’s already showing signs of her jaguar-nature.

14. It’s also revealed that the reason why they made Kipo a hybrid is so that she and the future generation of humans will be able to live safely on the surface since mutes are the dominant group now. Ahh, that makes sense. If that’s the case, then I respect their decision to make their child a science experiment lol. They decide to start packing to head up to the surface world to avoid getting caught. And they’re also bringing Hugo aka Scarlemagne with them. Hmm...

15. I think if you put two and two together, it’s safe to say that the scientists that Lio and Song were trying to run away from are these three humans here. And we find out the leader’s name is Dr. Emilia and the guy in the group is called Zane. Yeap, it’s obvious that they were the scientists. No wonder they are so adamant in stopping Scarlemagne. The Mega Monkey was also Dr. Emilia’s experiment for 13 years it seems. I guess she was trying to find a way to turn her back into a regular monkey?

16. Back to Kipo and the others; Fun Gus is really angry at them for attempting to trick him and he goes crazy and starts attacking them. Someone needs to drop kick this kid for real lol. He needs to get a permanent time out. He traps Wolf, Benson and Dave in his webs of fungus, leaving Kipo and Mandu to try to find a way to rescue them.

17. Wow, this episode has a lot of revelations, huh? Scarlemagne says that Dr. Emilia stole his pheromones to control the Mega Monkey and he’s asking the monkey if she wants to get her revenge on the doctor. But the monkey doesn’t seem so sure about it.

18. Kipo is trying to find Mulholland to plead for him to help them and he arrives really quickly lol. I guess that’s why he randomly showed up last episode. And just like that, Mulholland manages to save her friends by putting Fun Gus to sleep and feeding off his brain energy. Wait, why did they have to skip through so much? They didn’t show a bunch of things before this. Anyways, Mulholland is starting to find it difficult to hold him off for long.

19. Back to the flashbacks of Kipo’s parents and Kipo as a baby; They took a family selfie of the three of them and place the photo in between the pages of the journal. I reckon the photo is supposed to be Kipo’s anchor. They hear a knock on the door and they decide to split up to keep Kipo safe with Song staying behind to answer whomever is behind the door. I guess this is the last time she saw Kipo... ugh so sad.

20. Fun Gus isn’t so fun anymore (in fact, he’s really scary lol) but all of them manage to escape! Phew! Mulholland was really useful here and he tells them that he will be around to help them whenever they need him. After Mulholland leaves, Kipo is frustrated that she isn’t able to feel the anchor in the journal and throws the book towards the ground.

21. Wolf notices the family photo sticking out of it and hands it over to her. She gets emotional looking at it and feels that this photo is the anchor she needs. However, she realizes that there’s fur sticking out of her mom’s arm and it’s not jaguar fur. Oh snap! Her mom is the Mega Monkey! I kinda had a hunch that she was but I wasn’t so sure because didn’t she experiment with jaguar DNA on Kipo? I guess there might’ve been a mix-up? Also, does Lio know that his wife is the Mega Monkey? Again, why didn’t he tell Kipo the truth about her mom being part-mute too?

22. Meanwhile, the Nobles have surrounded the Mega Monkey aka Song and they start spraying the pheromones all around her. In the end, she gets mind-controlled again unfortunately. Wait wait wait....so does Dr. Emilia know that the monkey is Song all along? I guess not because she would’ve addressed her by her real name, no? But she’s been her experiment for 13 years; Couldn’t she have discovered that the monkey has had human DNA?

23. As Scarlemagne, the Nobles and Song are walking back to the Court (I assume), Kipo sees them and starts getting emotional, knowing that the monkey is most definitely her mother. And because of this, she transforms into a FULL-ON Mega Jaguar and runs after them. However, she left her anchor, the family photo and without it, she could get lost in her full form forever. So, the episode ends with Wolf, Benson, Dave and Mandu trying to catch up to her.

24. I just got chills y’all! OMG, this show is so good. I can’t believe the Mega Monkey has been Song all along! Although like I said earlier, I did think of that as a possibility before. And now, we have Kipo in her full Mega Jaguar form. This should be good but of course, she needs to keep her anchor with her at all times.

25. Thank you guys so much for reading my review of episode 6. I had such a blast. Stay tuned tomorrow for when I will post my review of episode 7. Till then, bye!

40 notes · View notes

writingithink · 4 years

Note

You asked for it!!! Prompt number 5 and Tentoo/Rose 😂💖

Alright so this somehow got out of hand, just a little.

[Send me a prompt and a Doctor (9-11) x Rose pairing!]

Aerial View Necessary Rated: T Pairing: Tentoo x Rose Wordcount: 3,360

Read it on AO3

It had taken quite a few months for them to get here, months in which she thought she was going to go absolutely insane, but they finally did it. She and the Doctor had a house of their own. With doors, and carpets, and all of the other domestic things a house on Earth came with.

Oddly enough, it was the Doctor who had first suggested it.

They had only been staying at the mansion for five days - not even a full week. Just five days since saving the multiverse, since Bad Wolf Bay (again), since he had been essentially created. Things had been … awkward. After so long apart they had to get used to each other again, but that was compounded by all of the changes that came with his metacrisis - some of which delighted him, while others had him throwing fits.

So when he had stormed into her room on their fifth day together on parallel Earth, Rose had assumed that he was having another tantrum, like the one the evening before when he found out that he could no longer eat an entire tin of biscuits without getting a stomach ache (she had been equal parts annoyed with and sad for him). She was barely awake, had just managed to pull herself up onto her elbows when he collapsed on the bed next to her.

“Let’s get out of here. Our own place. What do you say?” He looked quite manic for 8 in the morning.

“What?” she had asked, still groggy but quickly waking. “Where’d this come from?”

“I, Rose Tyler, absolutely refuse to live with your mother.”

For all of the new little quirks and biological changes, he really wasn’t all that different. Once she’d gotten ready for the day, cuppa in hand, Rose had taken a seat at the kitchen island, laptop already out from the day before, and started looking up flats online. It wasn’t long before the Doctor was there, looking over her shoulder and somehow managing to get jam in her hair.

“No, no, no,” he started, “not a flat. Too small. Too many other humans right on top of us. Or below us. Or to the side. You know what, never mind, forget that bit. We need a house.”

“Really? You? A house?”

Years may have passed, but his horror at the prospect of a mortgage while orbiting a black hole wasn’t the kind of thing she was ever going to forget.

“Yup. Not like this one, but a good size. The TARDIS will need her own room. Oh! And I think I would fancy a garden. Not just a small one, but a proper yard. We could have a pool! Do those come with houses, or do you have to get them separately?” the Doctor babbled, leaning over her in order to begin making his own searches, fingers typing on the keyboard at a ridiculous speed that the machine was having difficulty keeping up with.

Then her mum came in.

“What are you two up to now?” she’d asked.

Before Rose could think of a way to ease her mother into this new development, the Doctor had taken the matter completely out of her hands.

“Getting a house. What do they mean ‘request a viewing’? Aren’t I viewing it now? They’ve got 23 pictures.”

It had all gone downhill from there. Her mum had had plenty of opinions, and went from enthusiastically trying to do the house hunting for them to harsh disapproval of the whole thing seemingly from moment to moment throughout the entire process. And the Doctor’s combination of unending enthusiasm and complete ignorance made it all … well, it was never boring, that’s for sure.

Also, he turned out to be very picky, which shouldn’t have surprised her.

Their realtor hated them.

But now it was over, and here they were in their own house. Their own home.

It was two stories, with four bedrooms (“One for us, one for the TARDIS, one to use for, you know … whatever. Office? Workshop? And then an extra, just in case, you know … because what if we need it?”) and three bathrooms. The sitting room was cozy, and the kitchen was spacious, and there wasn’t a separate dining area (“What do we need a dining room for? When have we ever had people over for dinner?”). They had a finished basement (which the Doctor had more ideas for than it had space, but Rose figured he would have to figure that out for himself) and an attached garage, as well as a shed out back (“It will be perfect, you know, for projects that are too big for the house … well, not too big, the shed is quite small, but you know, too, er, combustible.”). It also had a pool, but not a hot tub - she had had to convince him that they could easily buy one when he almost told the realtor no (again). And their garden was huge.

Rose didn’t know what to even do with it, she’d never had a garden before. Well, the last few years at the mansion she did technically have one - but that was different. It was her parents garden (well, grounds would be more accurate) and it was tended to by gardeners. In the excitement of moving in, she let the issue of lawncare slip her mind.

Neither her nor the Doctor had many things - despite years living in a parallel world, Rose had been so focused on her work with the Dimension Canon, and so sure she would be returning to her proper universe that she had never really put down roots. So they had to buy absolutely everything for the house, which was daunting. Thankfully one of the new quirks he had gotten from Donna was a love for shopping. Unfortunately, he did not get any common sense about what a house needed, and it became clear that this was an activity he was never allowed to do alone (in the end, Rose had had to send back 4 (out of 6) couches, 17 (out of 21) toasters, 3 (out of 5) mixers, various other kitchen gadgets (total number unknown, but now they at least had enough cupboard space for actual food), and a host of giant inflatable Christmas decorations that ‘had been on sale’).

It wasn’t until they had been at their new house for about two months that the issue of their garden came up again. And only because they had received a written warning in the post about their grass being too long.

“Who are they to decide? Isn’t it our garden?” the Doctor complained. “I like our grass! It’s very … grassy. And green! Well, mostly.”

They were standing outside on their front porch, looking at their grassy, mostly green grass. It was pretty tall. And starting to go to seed, reminding Rose of the wheat-like plants on Serin III - those were green, too. They had green bread.

“You’re gonna have to mow it,” she told him, patting his arm apologetically.

“Me? Why me?”

“Because you’re the one who wanted a big garden.”

“Maybe I also want a big fence. So that nosy city people who get paid to judge my grass can’t see it. That will show them. Or, or, we can get rid of all the grass! Put flowers and trees and things instead. Then see what these people have to say.”

“Or you could mow the grass,” Rose said, before giving him a kiss on the cheek and heading back inside. They had to be in at Torchwood soon and she still wasn’t done getting ready.

The rest of the week passed by in a blur of alien ‘incidents’, way too much paperwork, and the Doctor’s unending attempts to get out of either of them doing work the moment he got bored of it. Once the weekend arrived, she was exhausted and he was adorably and delightfully insistent on making her forget about any and all stress or responsibilities.

Monday morning saw another letter regarding their grass. This time with a deadline, and a fine promised if they didn’t have it taken care of by the end of the week.

“We don’t even have a mower!” the Doctor complained, crumpling up the piece of paper and throwing it across the sitting room.

“We’ll just have to get one. We can go after work. I’ll tell dad that we need to leave early.”

“Mmm I suppose, if it gets us out early,” he conceded, still pouting.

So they left work early and went to the hardware store, where the Doctor made no less than three scenes while complaining about the primitive technology, comparing gardening tools from different times and planets, and attempting to test drive a riding mower in the store (the lack of petrol in the floor model having easily been circumvented with a few applications of his sonic screwdriver). Obviously they ended up buying the one that he tampered with. And of course they were asked never to return.

“It said on the sign that you offer free delivery?” were the Doctor’s parting words before Rose dragged him away from the counter, telling the quietly furious manager that she would send someone to pick it up for them.

“Well that was rude of them,” he began as soon as they got into the car, “I was only trying to-”

“Nope. No. You should know better by now. We’ve been through this. Just … quiet,” Rose sighed. She wasn’t angry, but she didn’t know what exactly she was feeling - some mix of frustration, disappointment, and exhaustion. Despite the fact that he now only had one heart, she never forgot that he was an alien. Usually she loved all of his alien-ness.

Just not so much when it clashed with their attempt at living a very human life. But they wouldn’t be stuck planet-bound forever. In a few years their TARDIS would be ready for flight, and then they would once again have all of time and space at their disposal. A whole new universe to explore.

Rose just didn’t know how they were both going to manage to stay sane until they got that far.

Surprisingly, he followed her instructions and the ride home passed in complete silence. It wasn’t until she pulled into the garage that he spoke, and even then it was a whisper.

“I’m sorry.”

She turned to him, frowning, worried that she was being too hard on him. It really hadn’t been very long since he’d been stranded here with her. No functioning TARDIS, stuck on the slow path in a universe he didn’t belong in and a body that felt foreign to him.

“It’s okay.”

“No, no, it’s not. You were right. I do know better. It’s just- I just- it’s all so linear, all the time! And so stationery! If I’d ridden a mower through a shop before, it wouldn’t have mattered. We’d have ran off, back to the TARDIS, onto the next adventure. But now there’s consequences, and licenses, and passports, and credit cards, and rude letters about our grass! And I did know better, but I did it anyway because, because- what if we get boring, Rose? What if we become the kind of people who just go to work, and watch telly, and eat beans on toast, and trim our grass and that’s all?” he asked, both hands now fisted in his very disheveled hair and a look of pure panic on his face.

“Listen,” Rose said, leaning over the center console to place both of her hands lightly against the side of his head, thumbs rubbing his temples in a way she knew soothed him. “We are never going to be boring, whether or not you vandalize shops. Our job is defending the Earth from alien threats … and sometimes the other way around. And I’m sorry we went to get a mower to begin with. I don’t care. If you want our grass to get as tall as it can, I don’t care. We can just pay the fine. Okay?”

The Doctor’s hands had moved from his hair into hers and then he snogged her to within an inch of her life, stopping only when he kneed the console and hit his head on the roof of the car when he tried to get closer. The windows had all fogged up.

They were awoken the next day with a call from her mum - they had made the tabloids, again. Contrite, the Doctor made her a lovely breakfast but she didn’t have time to eat it after having to spend nearly an hour on the phone with Jackie screeching in her ear.

When lunch came around, Rose felt tired and irritable and hungry but instead of going to the canteen she marched into Pete’s office.

“I need some time off,” she announced, cutting off whatever her dad had been about to say in greeting. “Me and the Doctor both. A vacation. Right away. I’ve got plenty saved up.”

“Does this have something to do with the ‘mower incident’?” he asked, raising both eyebrows and sitting back down behind his desk.

“No. Yes? I don’t know! We just- we need a break.”

Despite the spontaneity of it all, Pete had lunch brought up and they were able to schedule three weeks of vacation time, starting the next day. When Rose went up to the Doctor’s lab to tell him, he was nowhere to be found. The floor’s lab manager said that he had disappeared over an hour ago, no one knew where. This wasn’t exactly new behavior, so she shrugged it off and went to finish up her day of writing up reports. He was waiting for her in the carpark at the end of the day, as usual, a huge grin lighting up his face the moment he saw her.

“Did Pete tell you the news?” she asked, a little disappointed that she hadn’t gotten to be the one to tell him.

“News? What news?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“Oh. You seemed so happy, I figured he musta told you.”

“No. No one told me anything. I’m always happy to see you. But what is this news?” he asked, somehow managing to still be nearly bouncing even as they got into the car.

“We’re on vacation. Starting now.”

“What?! Really?! Where are we going? What would you like to do?”

“Hmm … well, we’ve got three weeks. We can go wherever we want. Could be outta the country in a couple hours,” she informed him with a tongue touched grin.

“Rose Tyler, have I told you how absolutely brilliant you are?”

“Hmmm … ‘m not sure,” she teased.

“You are. Absolutely, astonishingly, brilliant. Are we off to the Zeppelin right now?” he asked, looking out the window as if this wasn’t the same route they took every day.

“No, we have to go home first to pack.”

“Ah. Right, wizard! And we can figure out where to first! Europe? Asia? The Americas? Zeppelin travel is so slow, maybe explore parallel Europe this time?”

During the drive home, the Doctor barely stopped for breath. It was the most excited she had seen him since they’d gotten to this universe. He was so happy, it almost made her heart hurt.

When they pulled into the driveway she immediately noticed that the grass had been trimmed … well, part of it, at least. A small bit.

“When’d you do this?” Rose asked, not bothering to pull into the garage.

“Oh! I took a long lunch. What do you think?” he asked, bounding into the garden and only walking in the mowed bits.

“Well, I mean, you missed some,” she laughed.

“No, no, come here.”

He took her hand and led her on a winding and loopy path that went in an arch from one side of their front yard, to their backyard, and then to the other side of the front.

“Well it’s definitely not a maze … does it say something?” she asked once they were back in the driveway.

“You’re right, it does! 10 points to Gryffindor! Perhaps an aerial view is necessary.” Still holding her hand, the Doctor headed inside, no doubt with a plan to get onto the roof.

“Oh, that reminds me, Doctor … this universe does still have Harry Potter, but …” she hesitated as they reached the stairs.

“But what?” he asked, turning toward her with wide eyes.

“The names of the houses are different.”

“What?!” he screeched. “Months! We’ve been here months, and you don’t tell me this until now?! What are they?! No! Don’t tell me. No spoilers. Ohhh I’m going to have to reread everything, aren’t I? Every book. Who knows how many things are different?” The Doctor dropped her hand in order to ruffle his hair, as the other one was still holding onto the rail.

“Did you still want to go to the roof?” she asked, hesitating only a little. He tended to have a flair for the dramatic, but sometimes he was genuinely upset. It was just, occasionally, a little hard to tell which was which.

“Right, yes, roof. Roof, then packing, then books, then vacation,” he listed, taking her hand again and almost running up the stairs. “We can spend a day at the beach somewhere. You love beaches. You can go swimming, and I can start rereading. Or is it just reading?”

Soon enough they managed to get onto the roof from the balcony that came off their bedroom (one of the Doctor’s ‘must haves’ in a house). Looking down, spelled out in the garden in messy cursive was, ‘I love you Rose’.

“Oh,” she breathed, covering her mouth with her hand and fighting the tears that were suddenly gathering in her eyes.

“What do you think?” he asked, after they had both been silent for too long.

“It’s perfect,” she whispered, pulling him into a kiss. They wobbled unsteadily for a moment before the Doctor slowly guided them both downward until they were sitting, less in danger of falling.

“I love you, too,” Rose told him, when they finally paused to breathe.

His answering smile was so bright, it put the sun to shame.

They eventually got off of the roof, but it was hours before they left the house. Once they finally boarded a Zeppelin, the Doctor was disappointed to realize they had forgotten to pick up books. And three weeks later, when they got back from Europe, there was a pile of mail right inside their front door - much of which were fines and late fees regarding their grassy, now not-so-green grass.

Rose paid them.

The Doctor built a perception filter.

Letters stopped coming, and it worked so well that not even Jackie ever said a word about how untended it was. The whole thing slipped Rose’s mind in the months that followed, until one evening at sunset the Doctor took her up onto the roof again.

Colors streaked across the sky, and the first couple of stars were beginning to peak out as the sun disappeared under the horizon.

“Those are still there because of you,” he whispered in her ear, nuzzling into her neck before placing a kiss on her cheek.

“Mmm … I did have a little bit of help,” she said, brushing a hand into the hair at the nape of his neck, satisfied when the Doctor sighed against her.

“Just a little?”

“Yeah,” Rose giggled, “from Mickey. Remember him?”

At the Doctors indignant squawk, she fully burst out laughing.

“I had a lot of help from you,” she told him, no longer teasing.

“Thought so,” he muttered, mollified. They were quiet for a few moments before he said, “And now here we are.”

“Yeah.”

“Rose?” he asked, sitting up. Her neck and shoulder were suddenly chilled with the absence of his body heat. When she looked over at him, he seemed nervous.

“What is it?”

“I- well- uhm …” the Doctor floundered for a moment before saying, “What do you think of the garden?”

Incredibly confused, Rose Tyler looked down and was surprised to once again find words trimmed into the grass.

‘Marry me?’

#hey-there-juliet #answered #doctorroseprompts #ficandchips #tentoo x rose #dw fic #timepetals #dw fanfiction #prompt fic: aerial view necessary #fandom: doctor who #pairing: rose x doctor #my fic #prompt fic

36 notes · View notes

drawbauchery · 5 years

Text

It All Started With A Flower

(fic by cartoons-tothemoon)

It all started with a flower.

The flower wasn’t poisonous to the touch, or venomous, or covered with spikes. It didn’t shoot a toxin, or come with a chainsaw attached, or even have a return address belonging to a frenemy of days long since past.

It was just…A flower. A flower that was found on the kitchen table in a blue vase one morning, that no one had any clue where it could have come from.

Kowalski said it was a bluebell, but that was the extent of his knowledge about it.

Rico said something about Julien placing it there, but Julien rarely left the comfort of his room, and preferred to express his affection for others with more…carnal means.

Skipper ignored it when it was first found within their lair, and seemed to express an indifference towards it ever since.

Private was the only one with anything to say on the matter, and that was a simple “I like it! Ties the room together, don’t ya think?” and moving the vase closer to a window. This would normally implicate him, but, Private’s played the game of double cross and triple cross quite well before, and quite well. He didn’t seem to be lying about this, though, there was a hint of sadness on his features as he moved the flower to follow the sun after lunch.

“It’s kind of sad how it’s probably going to die in a week.” He remarked to Skipper, who got stuck with dish duty after Rico was sent to time-out for being horny on main and Kowalski bolting after lunch to return to his work, claiming a breakthrough. At least Private stuck around to dry. “Without its roots, all it can do is just slowly wither and decay and all I can do is prolong its misery.”

“Well, thank goodness plants don’t have feelings.”

“It’s still alive.” Private shrugged. “I guess it’d feel nice to have something to care for at the base. Something I can sustain outside of myself. I don’t know, does that sound weird.”

Skipper, in all of his benevolent wisdom simply responded with an “I don’t know,” as well. Because really, what does he know? And what was he going to say? Skipper’s always wanted to have a dog on base, like a golden retriever or German shepherd, but only the A-teams at the agency are allowed to have animals on their bases, and, let’s face it; they aren’t the A-team.

Private shrugged. “Well, at least it’ll look nice while it lasts. Maybe I should pick up a cactus or something…” He muttered before leaving a washcloth on the counter, and Skipper to stack the dishes, as both became divided in their own thoughts, and lost among them as they continued to carry on with their days. Skipper glanced towards the bluebell, the meaning not lost on him.

———

Private, like usual, was very close to being right, but not. Thanks to his attention and care, the uprooted plant was able to thrive for 11 days, though those last 3 days certainly seemed to be a losing battle on the plant’s part. It had to be tossed after that, but not before Private had a moment of silence with the fragile thing before throwing it away.

It was a shame, really. He tried hard with that thing, but maybe he didn’t try hard enough? Maybe his prospects were doomed from the start, and it would’ve been quicker to have left well enough alone, but at least he still tried with it, after all, doesn’t that mean something?

He really didn’t know how to take it, but considering nobody else really thought much of it, more likely to be a mix-up in a delivery than anything actually meaningful, he decided to take it for what it was, so to speak.

Until it happened again the next morning.

———

“Kowalski, analysis.”

“I can only type so fast, Skipper, you think I know this stuff at the top of my head? Aha! Acacia blossoms.”

It could be called deja vu, in a way, but it could also be remarked upon as a bit of a remix, as the plant arrived in a pot this time around, a much more sustainable way of growing it and allowing it to flourish, which Private seemed to be excited about, though he tried not to show it.

“Is it poisonous?”

Kowalski snorted. “Only if you ground up the leaves with glycosides could you make SOMETHING like hydrogen cyanide, which I DID know at the top of my head, but, otherwise, the plant poses no harm to us.”

“So, what have you been looking up?”

“Other aspects surrounding the plant, once is a coincidence, twice is happenstance, and if it happens three times, we’ll have a pattern. Both the bluebells and acacia have an interesting history in herbal remedies and flower language, I might have to look into it later…” Kowalski muttered while pulling leaves off the plant.

“Be careful with it!” Private bemoaned, blocking Kowalski’s hands from ripping into more leaves. “It’s fragile.”

“Look, you boys can toss the bouquet around all you want, but I want this table clean before I’m done making breakfast.” Skipper said, breaking the two up on his way into the kitchen, Rico following - probably on his way to burn some toast and discuss a mission they were pulling off that night- leaving Kowalski and Private to their lonesome.

“I…apologize for being so rough with the plant, but, if you’re able to sustain it, being able to branch out in our weapon’s department could be a huge help.”

“I’m ignoring all that other stuff,” Private said, “but are you sure you want me to grow it? Wouldn’t you be better at it, what with all the sciences you’re into?”

“Private. Just because I’m a scientist doesn’t mean I study the entirety of anything scientific. My knowledge of botany and other soft sciences is comparatively lacking compared to my physics and chemistry knowledge, and, well, you’re the softest person I know.” Kowalski ruffled his hair at that, and Private giggled. “I even know a place where you could grow it if we really want to expand this option.”

“Really?

———

“I didn’t even know we had a greenhouse.” Skipper muttered as Private guided him inside after a few hours of work inside. Apparently, Marlene had promised him the apartment next door rent-free if Kowalski could find a way to restore the value that her apartment complex had somewhat lost due to letting the four + Julien and company live there. The task force had no idea what he did, but apparently it brought the value back tenfold, and so, Kowalski had created a doorway between the two apartments, and inside such a place, one room was dedicated to being a green house.

It was an amazing deal for both of them, which, all things considered, was a pretty rare win-win all around for the task force.

“I didn’t either!” Private said, and after practically dragging him inside, Private flitted around the place like an over-eager honeybee. “I set up the acacia plant in an area where it’ll get the most light, but I just finished setting up the sprinkler system, and oh! These are some of the beds I’ve set up, and apparently Kowalski found some soil in the warehouse and-“

Skipper watched fondly as Private babbled on and on about the flowers and the vegetables that could be grown here, and he could practically see the vision that Private himself was so excited about when he felt a tap on the shoulder.

“Skipper, I found a parallel between our deliveries.” Kowalski said, in a sort of tone that read as urgent but also mad? Skipper was at least a little familiar with it, but, he couldn’t really place it. Skipper gestured a vague goodbye to Private as he forced Kowalski back down the hallway which he came.

“What?”

“They’re wildflowers. Not normally bought in flower shops. Both are native to New York.”

“Alright, so whoever’s sending them is right inside our home state, the one with 8 million people in it?” Skipper said. “That narrows it down a LOT.”

“Why didn’t you want me to say this in front of Private?”

“It’s not like I’m psychic, Kowalski, I didn’t know what you were going to say. I half-figured you were going to crush the kid’s spirit.”

“Does that sound like something I’d do?”

“You do a lot of rather strange things rather unintentionally.”

“Sir, this isn’t the kind of thing to be brushed off. If it isn’t from someone we know, then it’s from someone we DON’T, and that means that that someone is capable of getting into our secret base? Isn’t it usually your job to panic about these things?”

“I don’t panic.”

“I’m sorry, sir, you don’t panic, but you don’t seem all that worried about finding out who’s sending them.”

“When we know, we’ll know. At this point, it’s more likely that it’s a flower delivery gone wrong than it is a malicious plot of some sort. And if it is, we’ll handle it.” Skipper shrugged.

“Skipper, are you even listening to me? I just said-“ It was at this point that Skipper just began walking away from the conversation. If Kowalski was so passionate about this conversation, it would be easy for him to continue, but the sea of apathy and disinterest that came off of Skipper in that moment seemed to make the entire effort fruitless.

Skipper wasn’t all that worried about him, though. He’s a smart guy. He’ll figure it out.

If he didn’t find out sooner, he’d find out later.

———

The mission was pulled off without a hitch, and was one completed with ease. Of course, it’s always easier to manage one person than it is three, and not to knock Rico, but he was easier to work with than most as he didn’t ask that many questions. Of course, maybe that made him all the smarter all things considered. Skipper would still have to bribe him to keep quiet after all.

It was 7:00 in the morning, far too early to be up, but going back to sleep only to be woken up incredibly irritable would be rather suspicious considering he was the first one to “fall asleep” that night. Skipper put a special brew of coffee on, one that he made when he needed it especially strong after an especially rough night. Everything had to be accounted for. The men he worked with were always on edge, so if the slightest thing was off, something would be said. Something almost always was a little off, but, whether they caught it or not was always a little up in the air. In a way it made Skipper almost proud, and coming back from these sort of missions was a fun test for him as well as the crew to see if they could figure anything out, and if Skipper could keep them from figuring anything out.

It was all in good fun, surely, Skipper thought as he scrubbed his hands underneath the kitchen sink to remove any excess dirt from his skin and nails. Kowalski would catch something surely if he was sloppy like that. The wildcard in this scenario was the fact that Rico was involved, and Rico did not possess the same kind of urgency as Skipper did in this instance.

Still, he trusted him enough. That’s what made Rico such a valuable ally. Rico was reliable like that.

Eventually, the coffee had finally reached its perfect temperature and Skipper got to pour himself the perfect cup on a quiet morning, where the orange still hadn’t faded from the sky and the moon was still a faint sliver.

Of course, no matter how reliable Rico was, no matter how unsuspicious he seemed, no matter how he dotted every “i” that he feasibly could, there was no stopping someone who was already suspicious.

“Alright, where is it?” Kowalski asked dryly, it looked like he didn’t sleep a wink all night, and given that he was still in his clothes from yesterday, it showed.

“Hmm?” Skipper hummed, taking a sip from his cup, really savoring that bitter flavor.

“Don’t play dumb here, Skipper. Where’s the plant?”

Naturally, Kowalski was expecting him to say “what plant?” next, if he really was so committed to playing dumb. Instead, however, he replied with “which plant?”

“Which plant?” He echoed, and Skipper’s eyes widened slightly in realization at his slip up.

Shit.

“What do you mean by which-?” Kowalski began to say, but was cut off by the sound of frantic running, only to see Private in the doorway in his pajamas moments later.

“You have to see the greenhouse!” He said, with eagerness in his voice.

———

“Alright, so, first thing’s first, I get up, right? And I was going to grab breakfast, but I figured I should go care for the Acacias, right? But when I open up the door, this is what I see!” Private said, opening the door to reveal a few rows of various flowers already planted within the soil, a few flourishing vegetable plants here and there, a few empty rows for Private to with what he wished, and even a section dedicated to poisonous plants.

“Everything’s at the ready! It’s like I have my own little garden fairy looking out for me!” Private beamed. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

Skipper looked at Rico. Rico looked at Kowalski. Kowalski glared at Skipper.

“It looks very nice, Private.” Skipper said, sipping from his mug to keep a smile from showing through. Kowalski raised an eyebrow at him, but seemed to drop it as he took the time to peruse the flowers.

“Acacias, Pink Camellias, Gardenias, Primroses…Very nice selection indeed.” Kowalski murmured, and Private smiled in his direction.

“You know their names?” Private said, heading towards Kowalski to peer at a Daffodil that was peeking a wilting head out of the soil.

“I’ve been doing a lot of research on flowers as of late. We should consider planting some plants that can be used as herbal remedies in here, as well.”

“Oh! That sounds like a great idea! My Uncle Nigel used lavender oil on cuts and bruises all the time!”

Skipper and Rico watched as they tittered away happily.

“Th-This really w-what you w-wanted?”

Skipper shrugged.

“It’s not like I didn’t think this was going to happen.” He stated plainly, though his brows were creased severely. “The first time was a fluke.”

The two stayed silent for a moment.

“F-Fourth time’s a charm?”

“Nah. But, it was nice to do this. Couldn’t do it without you.” Skipper shrugged, giving Rico a fist bump that Kowalski definitely caught sight of, but it’s not like he was going to do anything about it.

———

“So, did you know that all the flowers you were planting mean secret or unrequited love?”

“Flowers mean things?”

(Hey! I’m back. It seemed too late in the month for a mistletoe fic, and although originally I wanted to do something with flowers for Valentine’s day, it just felt like too long of a wait. So, I wanted to do something with flower language, because there’s nothing more romantic than being secretive, until I realized that nobody seriously invests their time in Victorian flower languages except fan fiction romance writers, so…Here we are.)

#cartoons-tothemoon #fics #submission #pom #OKAY is this NOT the cheekiest way to say 'i love you'????#he's is fucking smug about it too #he wasn't just gonna give up #no he had to go ALL IN #and i bet he's still very much denying the reason in his head #all he knows is that he's gonna make this kid happy if it kills him #i love how rico's just along for the ride because he gets it #and kowalski's still extremely done #private my sweet sweet innocent child #you have a flower fairy watching over you #can't believe this #i'm so giggly now nasdfkln #i rushed the drawing so i could post #thank you again for my life #surprise fics are my favorite fics QwQ

121 notes · View notes

if-found-return-to-gusu · 4 years

Text

Saturdate with Lan Zhan Pt 8 (Final)

Lan Zhan drove me all the way to my shitty apartment. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted the night to keep going and going and going.

And then

He said “Let me help you carry your things”

Which is fair.

I had a lot to carry.

I didn’t really WANT him to see the hole I lived in, but my desire to make the night last even a few minutes longer won out in the end.

He didn’t say anything about the mess. Or the fact that it’s one room with a closet of a bathroom attached in the corner.

Or how my “bedroom” is partitioned off by a hanging sheet to hide my bed.

I stared at my feet for a bit. I’m normally not ashamed of how I live, I earned every knobbly corner of this place after all, but I don’t know… I want Lan Zhan to think the best of me and where I live is just undeniably shabby.

But even so

Even so

I didn’t want him to go.

I wanted him to stay.

So I asked him if he wanted to stay for dinner.

I didn’t have any food in the place, but I did have an entire book of take out menus. Ha!

He smiled at me again

And despite the small room

Despite the mess

Despite how shabby the place is

He smiled at me and said he’d love to join me for dinner!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I shoved my stack of take out menus (the best part of where I live is that everywhere, EVERYWHERE, delivers here) and told him to pick whatever he wanted!!

While he looked through them I started clearing off my little table. It’s full of art supplies normally and is covered in (completely dry) paint, but it does work as a dining table in a pinch.

I apologized for the mess though. I don’t normally have guests over.

Maybe I am ashamed of how I live…

Ah well.

Anyway he picked my favorite Indian food place. Knew he had good taste! (Present company notwithstanding).

“I know you’re not so big on takeout, but you’ll like this place!’ I said. “Besides the only other option is me cooking and no one wants that.”

It was then that I realized that I own exactly one chair and no couch.

Normally this isn’t a problem because I just sit on my bed to watch TV or whatever.

Well in complete mortification I improvised by dragging the table over to my bed so we could at least have a place to put our food while we ate. We picked out a movie to watch for when the food arrived.

Bless this man for not commenting on my shitty lifestyle.

We were actually able to get through about half of the movie after we finished eating and we were honestly both getting a little drowsy before we started hearing… noises.

Okay so she doesn’t bring someone home every night, but when she does, Wang LingJiao likes to be LOUD.

I don’t mind it but I’m betting Lan Zhan probably did.

I mean it’s her house and she can do what she wants in her own home. It’s great that she’s enjoying herself but ughhhh… Not exactly what I would have wanted for the first time having the love of my life in my room.

And then, of course, she started getting louder .

“Don’t worry that means it’s almost done.”

I tried to kinda laugh it off.

“She likes to put on a show,’ I said. “You know she really likes it when she’s quiet.”

And then I realized that was WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION and asked him to please not ask me how I knew that.

I actually recently helped her get out of a really shitty relationship recently. I broke into her apartment to tear the asshole off of her actually and apparently that gave her the last push she needed to finally end things. The restraining order actually should go through later this month early next month! I’m really happy for her!

Well anyway to thank me she took me out to dinner and, well, she’s an oversharer.

(Will note that she was only ever REALLY loud with him. Pff. Apparently he’s decently equipped but has no idea what to do with it. All the hardware in the world is useless if you don’t read the manual she says. Like I said. TMI. )

Well at least it didn’t last long. Poor girl.

Well either way it woke us up. And I realized how late it was getting.

And I just… I didn’t want him to go.

I really really didn’t want him to go.

So I said that I knew it was late and I’d understand if he’d rather not but he’s welcome to stay the night if he wanted so he didn’t have to drive home in the dark.

And I told him we’d have to share the bed so I’d understand if he didn’t want to.

And he just said “I am comfortable sharing your bed with you only if you are”

A;LDSKJFA;LSDJF;ASLFD

IS HE A PRINCE?

SERIOUSLY IS HE A PRINCE???

So I do what I always do and hide my a;sdlkjf;aslkjfa;ldkjf by teasing.

“Who wouldn’t want to share a bed with you? ;)”

Complete with wink

Dear god what is wrong with me? Just thinking about it now I want to crawl under a rock.

He just coughed a bit and his ears turned nice and pink but he agreed.

So I went to my “clean” hamper and offered him some of my comfy pajamas to wear. They’re big on me so they should fit him pretty well right?

Right????

Okay the shirt was a bit snug but you won’t hear me complaining!!!

A;sdklfjas;fj;aslkjfl;jf;aslkd;l

So we curled up together

And he

Kissed

Cheek

Again

A;lkdfj;asldjfa;sldjfas;ldjf;lf

And then we just…. Fell asleep

Somehow over the past couple months I have managed to fall asleep in Lan Zhan’s arms more times than I can count!

I’m guessing that’s another thing I should probably try to avoid. I don’t want whoever he’s seeing to get the wrong idea.

Ah well.

Somehow I woke up the next morning to the smell of food??? And not leftovers from yesterday??????????? Lan Zhan was in my kitchen cooking up breakfast for the two of us!!!!!

(How does this keep happening?????)

When I asked him where the fuck he got the ingredients he said he ordered the 2 hour grocery delivery service that I didn’t know existed.

(Also it wasn’t THAT late and he’d already been up for more than 2 hours??? What time does he wake up in the morning???!?!?!??!?! Fucking 5 am????? Seriously!!)

So we eat this magical breakfast and he offers to drive me to work since we have the same shift that day. He even says he’ll wait for me to shower first

(Which of course means in my nervousness I forgot to bring my clothe with me INTO the shower because I normally don’t have to which means I had to run out in a fucking towel and tell him to stare at the WALL!!!

;adlskjf;asldkfja;sldfas;dljf;alsdkjf;lsakjf

But apparently he didn’t LISTEN because he asked me about the scar on my back. From when I was stabbed.

Well he asked about it on the car ride to work.

I told him it was a long time ago. That I got stabbed a few years ago but it’s nbd.

And it isn’t really. I mean it healed up well enough. And I even managed to get most of my range of motion back in that shoulder! So it’s all good! Could have been much worse!

Besides, everyone gets hurt now and then.

But he still frowned at me. I hate it when he frowns. And told me he doesn’t like that I got hurt.

Well that really doesn’t.. Change anything.

And besides, you should try to make the most of what you have, right?

SO I told him “on the plus side I can tell you when it’s gonna rain!”

And Mr. SnarkMaster said “So can I. I look out the window.”

So /I/ said “You can tell when it IS raining! Not the same!!!”

“Clouds”

THIS MAN!!!

“I can tell when it’s gonna rain TOMORROW!”

;SDLKFJA;LDK

He was quiet again after that, but then he took my hand at the next red light and looked at me and said “I still don’t like that you’ve been hurt. I know everyone gets hurt, but this is something else.”

I told him it was from before we even knew each other. There’s no point dwelling on it now that it’s past. Not like we can do anything to change it.

And it’s not exactly like I’m looking to repeat the experience.

Then he said he’d make sure to protect me so it won’t happen again.

I didn’t say that, while it’s a nice thought, he can’t be around me 100% of the time. He’s got other things in his life that are more important than I am. But… yeah… it's a nice thought.

Instead of saying that I just told him to watch the road.

He tried to snark me by saying the light was still red but the light chose that SECOND to turn green so I win.

Ha!

He didn’t bring it up again but I bet he was thinkin’ about it still.

We made it to work eventually and I shooed him up to his apartment to shower and change while I opened up.

And so he did.

And that’s… well I guess that’s it.

#wangxian #lan zhan #wei ying #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Long post #(Modern AU!)

6 notes · View notes

dreamcatcherjiah · 5 years

Text

Looking at the face of your daughter made everything so much more real. She had just turned four, a few months ago, and she was already growing up so much. Her hair was let loose and spread over the pillow, and her eyes were half-open the light fluttering between her long lashes, as her little chest moved up and down. The extent to which your feelings had grown for the little girl in a few months was unbelievable. You could say, without the shadow of a doubt, that you would do everything in your power, give up your life so that this little girl could have a happy life. Looking at her, your heartbeat accelerated and your breath caught in your throat. Some days, when she showed you a full-toothed grin or told you how she had made uncle Kookie laugh so much he spat milk out of his nose, some tears came to your eyes. How had you managed, being such a plain human being, to be lucky enough to call this marvel your daughter? Yoongs calling her his daughter continuously had done something to you. That word gained a special meaning for the both of you, something so sacred that made the two of you agree to pause anything that could develop between the two if it could affect her.

But now you knew, yours and Yoongi’s relationship was nothing but something the three of you should treasure. You were a little family. Not perfect, but there were endless amounts of love. And at the end of the day, that is what matters.

Seeing Yoonji peacefully sleeping, you kissed her forehead and walked slowly out of the room. Watching her sleep always made you happy, but today there were things you had to attend to. The letter addressed to you and Yoongi as “Kang Yoonji’s parents” sat at your coffee table since you cleaned the leaving room after dinner. The white paper was a stark contrast against the mahogany table Namjoon bought as a housewarming present. If you were to be honest, you weren’t really looking forward to reading that thing. It was written in the all too familiar handwriting of the real parent of your child, and that alone filled you with such anxiety you couldn’t properly function. But you couldn’t put it off any longer. If things went well tomorrow, like Yoongs predicted, Yoonjinnie would be, to all concerned, your daughter. And you could not in good conscience keep ignoring the last thing her father wrote. Just waiting for Yoongi to arrive was excruciating, looking at that envelop and imagining the multitude of things that could be hidden there.

Finally, the lock emitted the beeping sound you knew to be Yoongi pressing the code and it took you less than a second to snatch the envelope from the table and jump into his arms. His shoes were still on his feet when he circled you with his arms.

“I knew it. You’ve been stressing all day about it, haven’t you?” He asked, with his face hidden in the crook of your neck, and his hot breath sent shivers down your spine. His voice, you noticed, sounded tired and resigned. It was then that you realized he had been stressing just as much as you had been.

Without giving you time to think, he kicked off his shoes and, picking you up, took you both to the sofa, sitting you on his lap. You weren’t about to complain, having him near you would make whatever was inside that letter much more bearable. His presence tended to have that effect on you.

“I think we shouldn’t delay this much longer, Yoongs” you said, your voice diminished with the anticipation.

“Yes, love. That would be a good idea…”

However, neither of you moved to open the letter, looking at it the same way the both of you had looked at the adoption paper that day so many months ago. There was anticipation, of course, but also some fear mixed into that pot that were your feelings that night. What could Mr. Kang have had to say to the both of you that hadn’t been said that day at court when the lawyer read his words? You were still expecting someone to knock on your door and tell you the adoption had been all a joke and that your baby girl wasn’t really yours… But that hadn’t happened and your baby girl was secure in her little bed, dreaming away the night, so that couldn’t be it. Looking at Yoongs, his eyes never leaving the letter in your hand, you understood. This was it, again. This was the adoption all over again. But that’s okay, the three of you were together and that was alright.

Your fingers opened the envelop before your head knew what was going on. From the package fell two small objects and a letter. One of the objects was a small locket with a picture of Yoonjinnie the day she was born with her mother and father, with the inscription FOREVER OUR ANGEL engraved in the silver surface. You couldn’t stop the tears from falling, and Yoongs cleared your cheeks with his rough but gentle hands.

“We’ll keep it for her,” he said “and when she’s old enough, she’ll know how much we all love her. She was lucky enough to have two sets of parents who love her to death, my love.”

The second little object made you cry even harder, you remembered the day that picture had been taken. Yoongs had been complaining that you were spending too much time with the baby, a 13-month-old Yoonji at the time, and refused to leave your apartment until it was time for Mr. Kang to pick his daughter up. When that time had come, Mr. Kang had found the three of you knocked out cold on the sofa, cuddling. Apparently, he had printed the picture and in the back, in his, all familiar handwriting were the words: Mom and Dad loved you from second one, Yoonjinnie. Love them back as much, my little angel.

Your tears were now impossible to stop, and you really weren’t trying anymore. What was happening? It looked as if Mr. Kang had been planning the adoption from the second Yoongs and you had waltzed into his and his daughter’s life. If that was the case, you didn’t really know how that made you feel. How desperate could a man be to do something like this? “Stop over-thinking stuff, Y/N. Just read the letter, please.” His words, tense and curt, brought your attention back to the letter in your hands. You nested your head in Yoongi’s shoulder, and with his warm breathing gracing the top of your head, you began to read the letter out loud.

Dear Min Yoongi and Y/L/N Y/N:

I am aware of how unsettling this letter must seem to you but bear with me a little. Yoonji’s story is not one of happiness, at least it wasn’t until you met her. I am not writing this letter in hopes of provoking pity in you. I have been around you two for only a couple of months and I can certainly say that I have never seen anyone look at her with as much love as you two do. That is why, at risk of having you reject her, I have decided to appoint you her legal guardians in case something happens to me, and I fully intend to prepare the adoption forms as well.

You see, in our family, we are prone to ill health. Yoonji’s mom couldn’t survive giving birth to her, suffering a heart attack. God, this sounds awful and pitiful. How have things come to this? I am just going to tell you, but, you two, don’t you feel pity. What happened, happened, and we the living can do nothing more than move along with life, living it to the full.

Nearly two years ago, my little sister arrived in my doorstep drenched and with a pregnancy test in hand. She had just gotten a job in a good company and was well on her way for a promotion. Until some imbecile got her pregnant and left. You must understand how a single mother would have been treated if word got out, so we made preparations. We were going to move to the country and pretend Yoonji’s mom was a widow, living with her brother to raise the child. In the end, we didn’t need those preparations at all, because my sister couldn’t go through delivery. Happily, the child did make it. So instead of my sister, I became the widower and registered Yoonji as my daughter. I repeat I am not writing this with the thought of guilt-tripping you into taking care of my niece, nothing further from the truth.

I could see, from the moment both of you saw Yoonji that you would be what she would need in case I was no longer there. As I said, ill-health runs in the family. The both of you will take care of her, I know it. And once you realize it, you’ll also take care of each other.

Hoping this never reaches your hands, Kang Taejun.

You couldn’t believe what you had just read. If it wasn’t because it had been your voice reading it, you would never have guessed this to be the truth.

“He was a fucking nutcase!” Suddenly yelled Yoongi, which startled you into slapping a hand over his mouth.

“You’ll wake up Yoonji, and I doubt you want to explain it to her any time soon, so shut it.”

“Don’t you see what he did there, Y/N? He was trying to avoid prejudice and scrutiny and instead of putting Yoonji up for adoption, he leaves her with two strangers, unmarried and not related to her in any sense?!” Yoongi was getting angrier by the second, and you could see where he was coming from. But in this case, he was not right.

“Yoonji would have never been put up for adoption and you know it. Neither of us would have allowed it, and we would have fought them tooth and nail for that little girl.” You were putting your foot down tonight. You knew, deep down that Yoongi didn’t mean everything that he was saying, but it was out of the love that you felt for him that you wouldn’t let him go any further and say something he would regret. He loved Yoonji with everything he had, from the first second she had looked at him, and you were not gonna let some blind angry feelings break that for him.

“You are still not seeing the point here, Y/N! Okay, so let’s see what happens in a couple of years when Yoonji has to go to school and we have to deal with a pack of entitled vultures, who will make our daughter’s life hell, just because her situation at home is not the normative one. I am not getting shit from anyone, Y/N. NOT WHEN IT COMES TO MY DAUGHTER!”

You didn’t want to yell back, but you couldn’t for the life of you see the problem. It made sense that the two of you weren’t married. You had just started living together after adopting Yoonji and had accepted your liking of each other only recently. You hadn’t even told each other the three-lettered word, aside from Yoongi’s favourite pet name, the word love hadn’t even been mentioned. So what the hell was his problem now?

“We’ll cross that bridge when we have to, Yoongs. Besides, I don’t want to argue tonight. We know now why Mr. Kang did what he did, and that should be enough for now.” Yoongi however, didn’t seem to hear you, too busy mumbling.

“This is NOT how I wanted to do it, Gods Namjoon is going to kill me when he finds out… well, him and the rest, for not being in the fucking loop…”

“Yoongs…? Are you okay?” You asked unsure.

Suddenly, he got up from the couch, taking you with him, and putting you back on it once he was standing. He was now towering over you, with his eyebrows in a frown and his dark eyes looking straight through your soul. His hands were balled in fists, and his pulse was beating like crazy in his neck, so much you could see it from your position below him.

“Yoongi, I don’t know why you are so upset about this, but it is completely unreasonable!” You started, trying to calm his breathing down a bit by reaching for his hands and stroking them calmly. That didn’t seem to do the trick, because his pupils dilated so much they nearly ate the iris completely.

He freed one of his hands from your grip, and with it, removed some stray hairs from your forehead. The look on his face had somehow changed into such an intense look of affection that you felt your heart aching for him. All the confusion, the rage, the fear that you could have seen before if you looked at him in the eyes, were all gone now. Now he was looking at you with such devotion-filled eyes, with his heart open for you, you were missing words to describe it. His eyes spoke volumes while his hand moved from your forehead to your cheek in a feather-like caress, and then to your neck, where it stayed, moving up and down and sending shivers down your spine. When you realized your eyes had closed on their own accord, you opened them again to see Yoongi kneeling in front of you.

“Have I ever told you how deeply I am in love with you?” He asked, bringing surprised tears to your eyes. “I don’t think I have, haven’t I? Well, I am telling you now. I have only told you bits and pieces, in those quiet moments after sex, where you have me at your mercy and I don’t know what I am saying… you must be a sorceress to have coaxed that out of me so easily…” he chuckled to himself. “Ever since Yoonji was very little, seeing you taking care of her made my heart swell so much I sometimes doubted it would keep beating. Soon I started dreaming that someday, even if not with Yoonji as our daughter, I would win your heart and be able to have a family with you, just like we had been doing for the last four years. Fate is funny, you know? I feel terrible somedays because I can’t help but think that if I hadn’t wished so strongly for a family with you and Yoonji, Mr. Kang would still be here. But in those bad days, I come back home, and Yoonji tackles my legs in a hug and tells me her “I LOVE YOU DADDY”, and you smile at me with that face full of happiness, and I regret nothing. I guess what all of this comes to mean is that I really do love you, with all my heart. You have been the love of my life from the moment you entered it and will continue to be it for as long as I live. You are also the mother of my child, the best mother she could have wished for. What I am trying to say in this roundabout, chaotic speech is that, if you’d have me, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to raise our daughter together in that normative environment, not because we have to, but because we love each other so much that we cannot be apart. I want to have children with you Y/N. Me, Min Yoongi, because I’ve fallen in love with you and nothing more.”

Through the tears, you saw him pulling a small blue box from his jacket and open it. It contained the most simple and beautiful ring you had ever seen in your life, a thin rose-gold band with a small bow in the middle decorated by a solitary stone. It was so beautiful, and it represented your relationship so well, it made you cry harder. You just hugged him so tight, throwing your arms around his neck, whispering a hundred million little yes in his ear, while he unhooked your arms from him, and put the ring in your finger, kissing your knuckle above it. His eyes were glistening with unshed tears, and the emotion in them told you, not as a revelation but more as a little secret, that yes, this was the man you were going to grow old with.

“Can I hear it once more, my love? Will you marry me?” He asked, his voice now cracked.

“I’ll marry you, I’ll raise Yoonji alongside you, I’ll have children with you, I will grow old with you, and I will love you through it all, my love.” You said, finally connecting your lips with his in a kiss that felt new and sacred, as something neither of you had felt before but a kiss that changed things forever.

🎐Bubbles (Yoongi!Producer x Reader!Writer)

Bubbles Masterlist

Part 18

Plot: Yoongi, a famous music producer, and y/n, a writer, had been neighbors for a couple of months when Yoonji and her dad moved to the apartment in between the two. Due to some unbelievable coincidences, these two weird incompatible people were appointed baby Yoonji’s babysitters. What will they do when something happens to Yoonji’s dad and she’s left alone in the world?

A/n: Wow that was intense!! I sincerely hope that you liked it, and was worth the delay!! If you want to tell me what you thought about it, I would really appreciate it!! And because here in Europe is still October 13th, HAPPY JIMIN DAY 🥺 💖I hope all of you are having a great weekend and I love you all UWU💓💘💝💖💗💞💕

Send me an ask if you want to be added to the tag list.

Love 💜🌙

Tag list: @daydreamindollie @live-2-fangirl @mizz-kraziii @rjsmochii @jiminslovly @igotarmyofarohas @desteweirdo @chewymoustachio @lvnakook @sugapaste @salty-for-suga @expensive-grl @threedecadesofawkward @elegantfanshoelover @jisnuq @krystalizando @littlestsweetpea28 @chogiyeol-utopia @delilaahbards @agusttaegid @thebookishnerdsblog @kisskissshutmydoor @httppbaby @girlwith-thecinder-blockgarden @mabel-k3 @thenocturnalreadingotaku @midnightxxxmemories @tirednation @jayhope88 @peachesandviolets @tremendousminyoongi

227 notes · View notes

bluewatsons · 4 years

Text

Jennifer Schaffer, The Wife Glitch, 51 The Baffler (April 2020)

Household tech makes women’s work profitable—for men

Five summers ago, I was invited to visit an eccentric acquaintance on a picturesque island off the East Coast. The island was divided into two parts: the shingled, sea-beaten summer homes of the inherited wealthy, and the year-round homes of the working people who serviced the island’s various amenities—the old-timey movie theater, the upscale restaurants, the twelve-dollars-a-beer bars.

The acquaintance and I had become friendly years prior in San Francisco, where I had been a student and he was, by his account, a high school drop-out tech millionaire. Let’s call him Matt. I’d found him funny, kind, and more down-to-earth than the archetype would suggest. Like many Silicon Valley guys, Matt’s small talk ran five sizes too large, from the purpose of fidelity in modern society to various bodily functions he was attempting to outsmart. But he always seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say in response. Our conversations often took on the appearance of a mutual interview: Matt, interviewing me as though for a job, unsubtly trying to determine how intelligent I was; me, interviewing him as though for a profile, shamelessly provoking and storing up his most memorable lines.

It didn’t seem out of character, then, when years later Matt reached out to ask me for help on a potential moonshot philanthropic venture related to artificial intelligence and education. I happily agreed, and a few weeks later, Matt invited me to join him at his summer house, graciously encouraging me to bring along my then-boyfriend. We booked tickets later that night.

When we arrived on the island, we rented exorbitantly expensive bikes and used Google Maps to find our way to Matt’s house. The weather seemed almost self-congratulatory with temperance: sunshine diffused through fast, bright clouds; heat offset by a steady sea breeze. The house itself was beautiful, stuck in time. It had belonged to Matt’s family for generations and was littered with trinkets that went back as far as the Civil War. The floor was made of long, splintered wooden planks, and the dusty windows looked out onto a semi-wild expanse of tall, bleached grass. The Atlantic was somewhere beyond the grass; you could hear it, but you couldn’t see it.

We stayed on the island for just a few days. Matt was almost constantly busy, glued to his laptop and his phone, occasionally running mysterious errands. It wasn’t until the last full day of our trip that he decided it was time to discuss the project. Hearing him talk about the potential of artificial intelligence was like reading the script to an action movie: the possibilities were exhilarating and the vision ambitious, but it was hard to believe it’d all get made. Still, I offered my perspective in earnest, and Matt listened closely before suggesting we go for a walk on the beach. We set out, climbing a set of steep, sandy paths before arriving in front of a calm sea. Waves broke, metronomic, between two panels of rich blue. Matt began to tell me, with flat-line sincerity, about how he felt it was reasonable to assume that we were living in a simulation.

I had heard this idea before, always from men for whom life looked pretty great: wealthy men, white men, intelligent men, respected men. Here was yet another. What was it about the idea that this all might be a game, someone else’s game, that struck such a chord among those who were by all accounts winning?

I thought back to another conversation we’d had in the kitchen, two nights prior. Matt had been describing his approach to dating—a topic which he’d clearly given a great deal of thought, studying the criteria that the various four-letter billionaire tech moguls (Elon, Mark, Jeff, Bill) had used when selecting a “mate.”

“I don’t want to be with someone who has my skill set,” Matt began, “I want to be with someone who has strengths in another area, who can fill in my blind spots.” He went on to describe a woman he was seeing, who he was flying out first-class the day we left. He liked, for instance, that she was good at reading people, that she was perceptive and sensitive to things like art and literature, that she was knowledgeable about cooking and food culture, that she understood his world but was not exactly of it and so could objectively add something to his field of vision. I found this odd but charming: better than the engineers I knew in college who thought it was “dating down” to be with a humanities major. Unlike them, Matt spoke eloquently about how selecting a partner was among the most pivotal choices a person made in life.

“So if we’re in a simulation,” I said, snapping back to the moment, the beach, Matt’s expectant look. “How would partnerships work?”

Matt grinned. “That would depend.”

“On what?”

“On who controlled the simulation.”

Happy Wife, Happy Life

Look: he wanted a wife. Don’t we all? Someone to think ahead about our needs; someone to make our homes and our lives orderly; someone to tend to our emotions when they’re raw and sore. Someone to track and manage the infinite details of living; someone to be responsible for our moods; someone to balance the books. We all want someone who knows us so intimately they can predict what we’ll want; someone who picks up our loose ends without complaint; someone who fills in our weaknesses with her strength; someone who does what it takes to help us succeed. Someone who attends to our desires eagerly, with a smile. Someone who means it.

But, you know, we’re progressive. We want a wife, but we want her to be happy. More than happy, we want her to be fulfilled. We want a true wife, a born wife, a wife who would feel imprisoned by any other role, so that to be our wife is in its own way a golden opportunity, a liberation. We want a wife who wears her responsibilities like a privilege.

And who could blame us! Regardless of gender expression or sexual orientation—everyone needs a wife. There isn’t enough time in the day to fulfill the demands placed on a modern human: to be available to work throughout all our waking hours; to show determination and ambition so that we are not made redundant; to service debts and taxes and run a cost-effective household; to source and consume healthful meals three times a day; to exercise our bodies the recommended amount; to maintain mental well-being amidst chaos; to care for dependents (aging parents, young children); to be present and attentive to those we interact with; to find, build, maintain, and perpetually assess the longevity of meaningful and fulfilling partnerships; to get eight hours of quality sleep. Literally: how does one do it?

For most of Western history, the answer was: the wife. Now what?

An App of One’s Own

The new answer, for those with a little disposable income, may seem obvious. Food, laundry, health, money management, well-being? There’s an app for that, honey. By which we mean: there’s underpaid labor, and a massive tech conglomerate ready to profit off that, honey! Seamless your dinner, Cleanly your laundry, Babylon your doctor’s visits, Wealthfront your savings, Headspace your sleep. Such services are either entirely automated or rely on poorly compensated human workers as a stopgap. The end goal is the same: to take work which, for most of history, has been uncompensated and drive the price of it up as high as possible to the benefit of a minute number of venture capitalists, company directors, and shareholders.

There’s an app for that, honey. By which we mean: there’s underpaid labor, and a massive tech conglomerate ready to profit off that, honey!

Of course, those with more substantial disposable income can still cut out the digital middle man and hire underpaid labor directly into their home, or proceed directly to what I like to call “artisanal wife” mode: choosing a partner with a wide set of skills who will focus their energies on servicing your various needs, without the economic imperative to pursue paid labor themselves. And then there is the highest echelon of earning power: the bunker-deep pockets of the billionaire class that reaps the profits of the underpaid workers, holding the entire sick, inverted pyramid of wealth on their shoulders like a packed delivery cooler. For those at the top, it’s always been the “lady of the manor” approach: a wife who manages an entire fleet of, you guessed it, underpaid labor. Judging by the number of extraordinarily ambitious and competent women in my graduating class whose aspirations have been funneled into marriages to hedge fund scions, the “ladies of the manor” remain in high demand.

For those without any disposable income at all—a rapidly-growing demographic made perpetually larger by tech-accelerated inequality, because irony isn’t part of Silicon Valley’s vocabulary— there are virtually no options. Most working-class women have no choice but to work one job or several—often in the precise, underpaid sectors being automated by technology—alongside providing caregiving labor at home. The direct and knock-on consequences of this second (or third, or fourth) shift labor are borne out in the growing chasm between the life expectancy of the rich and the poor. Meanwhile, the privileged middle remains perpetually marketed to by apps and products designed to give the illusion of technology-supported self-sufficiency, masking the interdependent web of individuals and stakeholders which make up any given household service.

Picture it: a bearded dad stands alone in the kitchen making a stir-fry. “Eloise?” he calls up to the ceiling, “Dinner in five.” His voice is loud but calm, pleasant. The kitchen is lit with clean blue LED lights. Four bright yellow lemons sit in a clear glass bowl, next to a full, meticulously balanced ceramic fruit platter. The only sign that there is cooking taking place is the cutting board in front of him, topped with a mound of chopped neon bell peppers. An open bottle of craft beer is placed on the center of the kitchen island; Dad wears a casual chambray button-down shirt. This is all very relaxed, the tableau suggests, but also pristine; homely, but perfect. Dad is easy-going, dinner is effortless. Eloise arrives promptly and slides into a seat at the kitchen island, where Dad serves up a nutritionally void but photogenic bowl of stir-fried cabbage. “Enjoying that?” He asks, self-satisfied, as he watches her eat. Eloise raises her eyebrows and nods. “Mum will be pleased!” Dad exclaims, and gently asks Alexa—the female voice that lives inside a smart speaker on the kitchen counter—to add stir-fry vegetables to his shopping list. She does so dutifully. Dad and Eloise retire to the sofa, where they eat ice cream together and Alexa plays a Philip Pullman audiobook.

Mum will be pleased! Or, as the identical German ad, in which the bearded British dad is simply swapped out for a slightly younger-looking bearded German dad, puts it, Mama wird sich freuen! The subtext is clear: Mother isn’t here, Mother is “leaning in.” But we—a progressive, modern family, assisted by an unobtrusive yet highly skilled and patently stylish, artificially intelligent smart speaker—are thriving.

Who Cares?

We are fast approaching the social breaking point of a historical movement in capitalism that has simultaneously brought our waged life into our private life (what’s a private life?) and the tasks of the domestic into the commodified world. In the nineteenth century, as industrial capitalism boomed, the state shunned responsibility for care work, cementing it firmly in the private sphere—giving rise to a particular kind of Victorian, feminine responsibility in the home. The twentieth century saw the rise of a “family wage” for the working class; families were expected to survive on the husband’s work alone, further ensnaring women in unpaid care roles. Pre-sexual revolution, the labor of the twentieth- century wife served as a critical support structure for the male worker. Though he was waged and she was not, the family finances depended on their combined work in clear and distinct gender roles.

During the manufacturing decline of the 1970s, as wages began to plummet for working-class men, capitalism Trojan-horsed its way into feminist liberation, warping a necessary social cause—freeing women to pursue aims outside of housework—to suit capital: freedom means working for capitalists! The result has been the normalization and subsequent necessitation of the two-wage household. Across the industrialized world, the cost of living has soared while wages have stagnated, to the point where what could once be afforded on one salary can barely be afforded on two. At the same time, right-wing commentariats lambast the low birth-rate and the death of family values, framing feminism as the root of all evil, carefully eschewing the reality that liberal and conservative governments alike have chosen the enrichment of a few over the social reproduction of the many.

Without federal assistance in the form of publicly funded childcare for all, wage protections for workers, or a universal basic income—to name but a few of the creative opportunities at hand—the individual becomes increasingly reliant on her employer. It is no coincidence that technology companies, particularly keen to co-opt and commodify historically feminized care work, offer the most pointed range of reproduction-related benefits for their employees: egg freezing and paid parental leave abound, though often not childcare.

The end result is that we now all have at least three jobs, three modes of survival to tend to: our financial survival, the survival of our communities, and the survival of our family units. The state has long shirked its responsibilities in each sphere; now, the wide, slobbering maw of the tech industry waits, ready to commodify whatever it can.

Rage Against the Machines

Perhaps you can sense the despair in my tone. Certainly, when I have broached this topic with men, the most common response has been: But come on, isn’t that better than before?

“Before” being the presumption of a wife’s place in the home as “natural” and “right,” unpaid and largely unseen? The electroshock therapy that presumption necessitated when housework drove a generation of wives clinically mad? Legal rape? Or should we go a touch further back to “wife as property”?

Is today a better state than those “befores”? Yes, of course it is, though a lobotomy might be too.

To pay wages for housework would require a wholesale transformation of the economy, revealing at the core of capitalism a fundamental reliance on the unpaid labor of women.

What troubles me, what keeps me turning the matter over and over in my head, is this: for centuries, women asked for recognition of the value of “women’s work”—which is to say, the practical labor that makes the world go round and has historically been placed on the shoulders of wives and mothers and daughters without question. Many simply asked that the work be recognized as just that: work—not a calling, not a natural state, not a pure act of love. Others asked that men take on their share of domestic labor, and in so doing, free women to pursue other, potentially more fulfilling or stimulating forms of work—and leisure. And through the Wages for Housework movement led by Silvia Federici, women even asked that that value of their work be recognized in capital’s primary currency: a wage. This demand was more radical provocation than concrete policy proposal, one which attempted to speak the language of capitalism in order to undermine it. To pay wages for housework would require a wholesale transformation of the economy, revealing at the core of capitalism a fundamental reliance on the unpaid labor of women.

How strange and predictable it is, then, that wages for housework have, at last, become widespread—but in the form of our subscription to digital services and gig economy labor. This work has become concretely valuable at the precise moment its value can be effectively captured by a small cadre of men sitting at the top of the tech industry.

This didn’t happen overnight, and it didn’t happen by accident. It is no coincidence that the first artificial intelligence boom began around the same time as the sexual revolution; no coincidence that the history of women in computing has been roundly overwritten by the myth of male coding genius; no coincidence that the voice coming out of your smart device is almost always a woman’s. Stemming from a fundamental arrogance on the part of men—the idea that work historically performed by women is so straightforward, so mindless even, that it can be effectively programmed— the latter part of the twentieth century saw a rise in technologies aimed at making traditional women’s work faster, simpler, or redundant.

Robot mistresses, digital nurses, smartphone secretaries, algorithmic wives, and app-based mommies: huge swathes of the modern tech boom are a reaction against women’s partial liberation from housework and our increasing resistance to performing unpaid and undervalued emotional and sexual labor. When small-minded men are terrified of losing something, they belittle it; they puff their chests out and stomp their feet and declare they do not need it at all, that they have something better at hand anyway. And the rise of personified technologies in particular is a mass response from a male-dominated industry to the revelations of the twentieth century: the sexual revolution and women’s movement that upended traditional gender roles, and the economic pressures requiring women to seek employment outside of the home. The first wave of at-home artificial intelligence—embodied by Amazon’s Alexa, Microsoft’s Cortana, and the nameless personality living inside the Google Home—was designed to replace or supplement roles historically filled by women: mothers, wives, mistresses, secretaries, nannies, even sex workers.

Of course, in addition to being historically female, these roles are almost always underpaid or undervalued. As philosopher Helen Hester notes, the same tasks Alexa and Cortana perform for a premium are not just ill-remunerated but often resented and mocked when performed by human women. A smart device’s insistence on helping is clever and valuable; a wife’s insistence on helping is taken for granted or viewed as frivolous nagging. It’s no surprise many women no longer want to take on the roles they’ve been programmed to perform, or that still more of us simply cannot afford to, regardless of what we desire. The system is malfunctioning; we’ve gone off script. Tech, looking for a fix to the glitch, has found it at the intersection of cheap labor, algorithms, and automation, which in concert perform thankless female labor (with no bitching or aging) for an upfront cost, to the enormous financial benefit of the overwhelmingly male industry leaders and stockholders.

Much of the writing about the sexism latent in the tech industry, and the development of artificial intelligence in particular, has focused in on three concerning realities: the dramatic underrepresentation of women at virtually every level of the industry (and the self-perpetuating, demi-god-in-a-sweat-drenched-hoodie culture that serves as both the primary cause and effect of this lack of gender diversity); the gender bias being coded into tomorrow’s (and today’s and yesterday’s) algorithms by virtue of this lack of diversity; and the portrayal of many personified tech products as servile and female, chief among them Amazon’s Alexa and the Google Home which, if not real AI, still stand as most Americans’ first experience with something even remotely close.

What concerns me as much as these developments is the broader picture of which they form only a part: a world in which the exact forms of labor women have fought to have recognized and remunerated—chief among them caretaking labor, tedious household labor, buoying-the-male-ego labor, service-with-a-smile labor—are being co-opted, monetized, and sold back to us as shiny, premium, cutting-edge tech, the intermediary step of individual households outsourcing such tasks to workers primarily from the Global South having been insufficiently profitable for the Silicon Valley brain trust. As automation rises, technology will increasingly undercut the wages of these workers; the human workers who depend on these precarious gigs are viewed by the tech industry and the broader economy as a temporary inefficiency.

This is the dark ethos of the twenty-first century: most of us are performing labor that can and will be at least partially automated. We work, and as we work, we audition for the right to continue working. There is no room at the negotiation table; any unpaid work will remain unpaid until, in due course, we will pay to have that work done for us by automation. And like that, the mainstays of human life become premium services we pay for. Like that, the value only flows up.

The Future is Fembots

Pop culture and advertising have reacted in lockstep with the rise of household technologies. Disney’s Smart House, released in 1999, showed an overworked female computer scientist developing the perfect AI “smart home” to liberate women from housework, only for the “smart home” to become increasingly unwieldy and possessive—hormonal even—after a motherless teenage boy tinkers with the code to make the artificial intelligence behave more maternally. The happy ending comes when the scientist reprograms the smart home and settles down with a nice man.

More recently, Her and Ex Machina played into the heterosexual male’s neuroses that feminine affection is, in a sense, always a ruse and as replicable as code. The British television series Humans shows male and female bots—designed to perform care labor in family households and the homes of the elderly—driven to rebellion over a desire for recognition. Many early advertising campaigns for Google Home and Alexa, like the one described above, portrayed modern men aptly assisted by gentle, obedient, disembodied women. Such visions of techno-capitalist feminism abound: women empowered by technologies that free them from the unsavory realities of pregnancy or household labor or sex; men taking on new, progressive roles as a result of their obedient female-voiced assistants.

It has been quite some time since we’ve seen a direct cultural portrayal of feminized tech that has any real teeth. But if we look back to a time before Lean In feminism, there have been more honest attempts. Much of Bryan Forbes’s 1975 horror film The Stepford Wives feels oddly familiar, even millennial in its sensibility, from its pared-back interior design, its fetishization of upstate domestic life, and its portrayal of a certain type of liberal man who—while paying lip service to progressive ideas—yearns for a wife who will let him call the shots. Based on the 1972 novel by Ira Levin, the film follows Joanna Eberhart as she moves from New York City to Stepford, Connecticut, with her husband Walter and their two children. Walter quickly joins the local Men’s Association, where former technology and entertainment moguls relax with scotch and cigars. The women of Stepford, meanwhile, are uniformly beautiful and obedient, spending their days ironing sheets, watching children, and preparing casseroles: a hybrid of tradwives, Instagram influencers, and spam bots. Their husbands adore them.

Joanna, an aspiring photographer, felt coerced into moving to Stepford, but she tries to put on a game face. Hoping that her new suburban lifestyle will offer her the chance to focus more on her art, she is understandably creeped out by the passivity of the Stepford wives and her husband’s secretive involvement in the Men’s Association. She soon forms an alliance with the two other women in town not yet obsessed with housework: Bobby, an outspoken New York feminist, and Charmaine, a tennis-playing trophy wife. Together, they attempt to start a women’s group. But when they gather the women of Stepford together, the wives fall into discussing a litany of household tips: advice on starching their husbands’ collars, brand name suggestions, and vague musings on their domestic contentedness.

In the end, it becomes apparent that these beloved wives are robots, modeled on the human wives of Men’s Association members, who are summarily murdered once their robot replacements are ready. (The seventies were not known for their subtlety.) Unlike in the camp, feel-good 2004 remake, love and corporate feminism do not save the day. On the advice of a psychiatrist, Joanna tries to escape, but ends up strangled to death by her robot replacement.

The messaging is a little too obvious to be worth digging into at length: housework deadens a part of a woman, and men are desperate for control. What really stuck with me about The Stepford Wives is the way the men watch the women, both the human Joanna and their robot wives. In one scene, a Men’s Association member draws Joanna with incredible skill, making sketches of her face and her eyes. In another, a man records her voice, allegedly for a hobby project; preying on her kindness, he claims that his childhood stutter has made him fascinated with language and accents. The men look at Joanna with admiration and desire: she is beautiful, spirited, and kind. There’s lust, but it’s not quite sexual. It’s as though they genuinely want to understand the way she works, if only so that they can reconstruct her according to their own desires and ideals. It’s the same way they look at their own wives, always with a knowing confidence in their eyes.

I wonder, sometimes, if this is what it all comes down to. Perhaps our moment is just catering to a particular kind of man, the kind who longs to look at those who serve him, without ever feeling the unsettling tug of need. Who desires nothing more than to look at a woman—real or simulated, no matter—and think: I made you.

#technology #women #feminism #objectification #women's work #housework #interpersonal relationships #the stepford wives #analogy #tech industry #automatization #commodification #women's labor #labor

1 note · View note