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vindelllas · 3 years

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the beauty of uttara ashadha 🌞🐘:

🐘 naomi campbell: uttara ashadha lagna

*MAJOR TW// i discuss a lot of potentially triggering topics, i.e. abuse and racism. some of the uttara ashadha natives i exhibit and talk about are known for their terrible behavior and scandals. i do not condone their offensive and ignorant behavior. they are simply being shown to solidify my opinions on the nature of this nakshatra*

as you read this post, please listen to this uttara ashadha playlist i made for the full experience: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/207xxveKWd1TlN12Sr5GAW?si=G5F-Hd3_SHui2PYViP8hkQ

🌞 in the krittika nakshatra, we saw the fiery combination of kuja’s rashi and surya’s vimshottari rulership. krittika represents the cosmic fire of purification, as kuja is the planet of leadership, chandra is the planet denoting our mental state, and surya is the embodiment of the true yang path. in the uttara phalguni nakshatra, we saw the giving and serving nature of surya shine through the solar embodiment of aryaman and the leo rashi. buddha bestowed this nakshstra with the ability to sense areas of need within others and find the best ways to solve others’ issues and realign them with their dharma path. in uttara ashadha, we see these natives embody the cosmic fire we once witnessed in krittika and eventually learn to master the importance of finding yourself in your soul. as compared to looking to the accomplishments you have helped others succeed in for personal reaffirmation (a problem uttara phalguni natives struggle with). uttara ashadha’s ruling deities will serve as their cosmic guides through these deeply purifying solar states.

🌌 the deities of uttara ashadha are the ten vishvadevas, the ten universal gods. in sanskrit, vishvadevas translates to “all-knowing or omniscient”. these ten gods represent the evolution of uttara ashadha natives’ lives: vasu (meaning brilliance or wealth-giver), satya (being truthful in one's thought, speech, and action), kratu (strength and willpower), daksha (rituals and people), kala (time and death), kama (cosmic desire and creative impulse), dhriti (steadiness and retention), kuru (ancestors), pururavas (abundance, surya, brightness), and madravas (zenith of joy). let’s take a closer look at a few of these deities to examine the path of uttara ashadhas.

✨ satya, loosely translating to "truth/essence", is equated with and considered necessary to the concept of rta. rta means order, rule, and truth. rta is the principle of natural order which regulates and binds the collective universe and all of it’s inhabitants. in the hymns of the vedas, rta is said to be what is ultimately responsible for the proper functioning of the natural, moral, and sacrificial union of life. due to this, rta is said to uphold dharma. satya gives birth to the possibility of rta, due to satya’s regulatory and binding nature. truth (satya) is considered to be essential and without it the universe and reality falls apart and, therefore, can longer function. this is why satya is also considered to be our essence, the core of our being. truth is considered to be a form of alignment with the divine. the whole foundation of christianity, and most prominent religions, stress abiding in your cosmic truth. in the book of james 1:18, it reads “of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.”. when we welcome the essence of satya, we flourish in internal beauty and the truth blooms and beams on our physical surface.

👠 this internal radiance of satya is the reason the solar nakshstras, primarily uttara ashadha, are one of the top placements for prominent models like victoria’s secret angels. such as, stella maxwell (krittika surya and uttara ashadha chandra), behati prinsloo (krittika surya and uttara phalguni chandra), chanel iman (krittika chandra), doutzen kroes (uttara ashadha surya), marth hunt (uttara ashadha chandra), josephine skriver (uttara ashadha chandra), karolina kurkova (uttara ashadha chandra), jac jagaciak (uttara ashadha surya), erin heatherton (uttara ashadha chandra), etc.. solar beauty radiates like the sun illuminating drops of midnight dew on crisp greenery or radiating and reflecting the vast sky on to the indigo crests of waves. solar beauty is a beauty that often goes unnoticed for a long time, only to be rediscovered for it’s rich depths. it is like when one is too focused on looking downward at the earth’s greenery and ocean, only to forget the beautiful light that illuminates these beautiful forms of nature. solar beauty radiates and encompasses the native as a whole. it gleams and shines like the bright surya. this is why we see uttara ashadha natives brimming with warm and olive undertones, freckles or beauty marks, and shiny hair. they embody the cosmic youth and the truth that nourishes “the firstfruits of creatures”. this is why solar women are so aesthetically pleasing to the eye, as they cause sensory overload, modeling the act of one’s eyes hurting from looking at the sun for too long.

👁 according to the rigveda, the antithesis of rta and surya are anrita and asatya, meaning falsehood. falsehood is considered to be a form of misconduct. satya includes factuality, reality, truth and reverence. satya is our past, current and future. it is considered to be the functioning of our world. the falsehood of anrita and asatya are reflected in surya’s association with the right eye. in the christian religion, the right eye signifies the evil from which is falsity and the left eye is the falsity through which is evil. in zechariah 11:17, it states “woe to the worthless shepherd that deserteth the flock! the sword shall be upon his arm, and upon his right eye; his arm withering shall wither, and his right eye darkening shall be darkened”. in this scripture, the arm is said to denote the power of truth applied to confirm evil (satya). the right eye symbolizes the memory and knowledge of good applied to confirm falsity. the shepherd represents one who teaches truths, leading others along the path of dharma. in matthew 5:29-30, jesus spoke, “if thy right eye hath caused thee to stumble, pluck it out, and cast it from thee. and if thy right hand hath caused thee to stumble, cut it off, and cast it from thee; it is better for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not thy whole body be cast into gehenna”. surya’s rulership of the right eye is why uttara ashadha natives frequently struggle with eye issues. because of this, uttara ashadha natives usually wear glasses or contacts and become associated with/profit off of their glasses. for example, george clooney (uttara ashadha chandra) has several articles written about his persol glasses. cary grant’s (uttara ashadha surya and chandra) estate collaborated with the brand “olivers people” to create a line of successful eyewear. the sunglasses grant wore in the 1959 hollywood classic north by northwest is characterized as a sunglasses design that is the epitome of classic style. dave bautista (uttara ashadha surya and chandra) once said he often wears sunglasses because it helps him to cope with his social anxiety disorder. bautista once said, “i would rather wear sunglasses than stand on the red carpet.”. actors like zooey deschanel (uttara ashadha surya, chandra and lagna) and jane levy (uttara ashadha chandra) are known for playing roles that involve their characters wearing glasses. many articles have been written about zooey deschanel’s glasses on the television show “new girl” and jane levy’s glasses on the sitcom “suburgatory”. glasses act as a sharpening tool that allows to better see our environment, our truth. glasses reflect our surroundings onto the eyes of those who look through the pair of sunglasses on another person. they serve as objects cycling the truth of the wearer and beholder, in a way, it rejects the falsity of illusion and completely embraces realignment with truth, while serving as a protective medium between the native and others. believing that we have the lenses of reality within each of us. what you see is what you get or what you see is what you are, as far as eternity is concerned, abiding in satya. it is believed that our beliefs are the lenses through which one sees the world. what one believes determines your focus (kratu) and in turn your actions. one sees things as they believe they are, not as things really are, but rather as one is. if one’s beliefs are based on truth, your figurative glasses will allow you to see eternity from the rta/satya perspective. however, if your belief lenses are made from anrita and asatya, you will see illusions and falsehood reflective of the state of your soul.

☀️ there is a particular effect called photo-bleaching. photo-bleaching happens to the cells in your retina in the back of your eye. these cells are called rods and cones, and these cells are full of light sensitive pigments. light comes in the form of particles, called photons, in your eye; these stimulate the cells by changing this light sensitive pigment, which is called retinal, into a different form and they stimulate the cells to send electrical impulses to your brain. if you look at the sun for a long period of time, this sends the cells into overdrive and it takes them time to calm down. after you finish looking at the sun and you look at a normal level of light, like a plant, you get black spots where you've been looking at light where the cells have been over stimulated. this is the essence of solar beauty. it leaves a lasting impact on the eyes of others and it is hard to forget their presence. their warmth lingers, stays, and satiates others like the deity kama.

🐘 kate moss: uttara ashadha surya

🐾 uttara ashadha’s yoni is the male mongoose. the male mongoose are sometimes solitary, but most live in colonies. the average colony is made up of roughly twenty mongooses. those who live in these colonies will take turns being sentinels. sentinels stand on their hind legs on higher ground, looking all around them for danger. if they spot a potential threat, they will let out a loud scream that acts as an alarm call that lets the rest of the colony members know they should retreat to safety. when operating in their light state, uttara ashadhas act as the male mongoose by being the sentinel of their surroundings. they act as a guide to those around them and try to ensure the safety of others. they stand tall like the symbolic mongoose, mirroring the phallic force, and usher those into the light of achievement. this is why we see so many uttara ashadha natives appear in musical groups, as they are the glue that binds their surroundings together. but this intense binding begins to darken, it is often people will become obsessed with their great achievements and warmth and try to bring the native down with jealousy and harm. zayn malik (uttara ashadha) was known to be a part of a popular musical group, “one direction” and reportedly left the group in 2015, due to him feeling left out by the group and not liking the music they created. jennie (uttara ashadha surya) from “blackpink” was the main rapper of the group and was the first one to debut a solo single. nicki minaj (uttara ashadha lagna) was once apart of the popular rap group “young money”, but decided to further pursue her career as a solo artist. baby spice (uttara ashadha surya) was in the famous 90s girl group “spice girls”. a common theme amongst these natives is maintaining peace and upholding an image. uttara ashadhas are determined to succeed at any cost and many individuals subconsciously sense this and abuse their power. they view uttara ashadha as a never-ending vessel of determination and willpower and abuse this by treating these natives poorly, as they know the native will do anything to maintain peace for prosperity.

🐢 this foundation of determination and willpower is correlated to the auspicious elephant. the elephant itself is quite common in most religious traditions and mythologies. elephants are widely considered to be a positive omen and are sometimes revered as deities, symbolizing strength and wisdom. there is an ancient hindu belief of “world elephants”. the amarakosha states the names of eight male elephants who bare the world (in addition to eight unnamed female elephants). the names of the male elephants are airavata, pundarika, vamana, kumunda, anjana, pushpa-danta, sarva-bhauma, and supratika. there are four elephants that are believed to support the earth from the four different directions. in the ramayana, they are listed as the viroopaaksha (supporting the east), mahaapadma (supporting the south), saumanasa (supporting the west), and bhadra (supporting the north). while the knowledge on this subject is very limited, chukwa, the tortoise, is said to support the elephant mahaapadma which in turn supports the world. chukwa’s tortoise translation is not set in stone and can also be interpreted as a water snake (rahu), denoting the foundation of earthly desires is rahu. chukwa (rahu, earthly foundation/desires) cannot exist without mahaapadma (ketu, spiritual liberation), as a head may not exist without a body. it was once said: “on the wondrous dais rose a throne, and he its pedestal whose lotus hood with ominous beauty crowns his horrible sleek folds, great mahapudma; high displayed he bears the throne of death. there sat supreme with those compassionate and lethal eyes, who many names, who many natures holds; yama, the strong pure hades sad and subtle, dharma, who keeps the laws of old untouched.”.

🐘 wisdom is said to be represented by the elephant in the form of lord ganesha, one of the most popular gods in hindu mythology. lord ganesha is said to have the head of an elephant which was put on after the human head was either cut off or burned. lord ganesha is associated with new beginnings, success, and the removing of obstacles (as the act of removing one’s head is symbolic of removing rahu, essentially one’s desires). lord ganesha is said to be the deity of ketu, due to ketu being the moksha karaka and our source of liberation. ketu is said to bestow immense knowledge, spirituality, and luxury, when properly placed. if a native has an inauspiciously placed ketu in their natal chart, it is said praying to lord ganesha may aid the native. the smoky and prosperous nature of ganesha is exhibited in many rituals involving the symbolism of the elephant, in particular, the cameroonian practice of the bamiléké tribesmen. the bamiléké are often known for their intricately beaded masquerades, including the impressive elephant mask.

🎭 masquerades are considered to be a very integral part of the bamiléké culture. these masquerades take place during special events such as funerals, palace festivals, and other royal ceremonies. the masks are performed by men and aim to support and enforce royal authority (assuming the natural masculine leadership and dictation of surya). the power of the bamiléké king, the fon, is primarily represented by the elephant. the fon may transform into either an elephant or leopard whenever he chooses. their elephant mask, called a “mbap mtengis” a mask, has protruding circular ears, a human like face, decorative panels on the front and back that hang down to the knees and are covered in deeply intricate, geometric beadwork including much triangular imagery (symbolic of the solar force that is the triangular-like formation of an elephant’s large ears and protruding trunk, mirroring the phallic pyramid). occasionally, the fon may allow members of the community to perform with an elephant mask along with a leopard skin, conveying wealth, status and power by shielding one’s face. this act of covering one’s face is symbolic of sacrificing one’s identity (rahu) for the purpose of attaining moksha karaka (ketu). by the bamiléké fons covering their face with an elephant mask, they bring an association and representation of power, strength and prosperity (lord ganesha).

🌟 this sacrifice of self association and identity and the smoky nature of the bamiléké tribe represents the nature of uttara ashadha. it is often wondered why uttara ashadhas have such a dark and vampiric aesthetic, as this is the nature of sacrificing one’s identity. the spiritually devoting nature of these natives causes a detachment from their identity to embrace their higher power. beyoncé (an uttara ashadha ketu native) was once famous for her shiny, flashy, and glamorous y2k aesthetic. in the recent years, we have seen beyoncé move towards a less flashy, but equally captivating and prosperous, lifestyle. in a way, she sacrificed her y2k/flashy identity and received more prosperity and healing in return. in her latest visual album “black is king”, we saw her collaborate with numerous placements of uttara ashadha, such as wizkid (uttara ashadha shani atmakaraka) and jessie reyez (uttara ashadha rahu), to illustrate the importance of coming back to your familial routes and finding identity within your ancestors (it is important to note, out of my survey of fifty contributors and artists on the album, uttara ashadha was by far the most prominent atmakaraka placement). in this visual album, we see numerous african masks that call to mind the smoky, spiritual nature of ketu and the self-sacrificing and giving qualities of surya in his highest state (uttara ashadha).

🐘 christie brinkley: uttara ashadha chandra

🥘 the mahavidya associated with surya is matangi. she is the tantric goddess known for her wisdom, knowledge, and bestowing power. according to the shaktisamgama-tantra, the birth of ucchishta-matangini is as follows: the god vishnu and his wife lakshmi visited shiva and his second wife parvati and gave them a banquet of fine foods. while eating the banquet, the deities dropped some food on the ground, from which created a beautiful maiden who asked for their leftovers. vishnu, lakshmi, shiva, and parvati granted the maiden their left over food as prasad (meaning food made sacred by having been first consumed by a deity). this act can be interpreted as the ucchishta of the deity, it is important to note that due to the negative connotation the word ucchishta, it is never explicitly used in connection to prasad. shiva then stated that those who repeat mantangi’s mantra and worship her will have their material desires satisfied and gain control over foes, declaring her the giver of boons. from that day on, the maiden was referred to as ucchishta-matangini. because of matangi’s humble origin, she is often described as an outcast and impure. she is often associated with pollution, due to her relation to outcast communities. the humble mantangi is regarded as a tantric form of the goddess saraswati, the goddess of knowledge and the arts of mainstream hinduism. matangi and saraswati share many traits in that regard. both goddesses embody music and are depicted playing the veena. both are said to be the nada (sound or energy) that flows through the nadi channels in the body through which prana flows. these goddesses are related to rain clouds, thunder, and rivers. by both governing learning and speech, saraswati embodies the orthodox knowledge of the brahmins, whereas matangi, the humble, wild, and ecstatic outcast, embodies the knowledge within that transcends the boundaries of mainstream society (hence, her associations with social pariahs).

🏆 whereas, uttara ashadha (उत्तराषाढ़ा) comes from the sanskrit words उत्तर (latter) and अषाढ (invincible). the meanings of uttara ashadha are said to be “the latter invincible one”, “latter victory”, or “the latter undefeated”. the term “latter” is derived from the latin word lætra, meaning slow or deliberate, this juxtaposition with invincibility, denotes resilience, power, and prosperity. the journey of uttara ashadhas are said to bevslow and lengthy (lætra), but in then end, they reach true success by embodying the humility and skillfulness of matangi. this correlates to uttara ashadha being the top placements for athletes, as the practice of exercising and bodily discipline requires a deep understanding of prana, the source of life (matangi). athletes must be able to control their breathing and abide in a clean environment to maintain proper focus and health. this is why prana is said to permeate reality on all levels, aligning our inner selves with the cosmic truth (surya/rta). indian philosophy describes prana as flowing in the nadis throughout the body. the number of nadis varies according to different texts and philosophies, but the three principal nadis run from the base of the spine to the head (areas traditionally associated with surya and the vimshottari-ruled surya nakshatras). they are the ida on the left, the sushumna in the center, and the pingala on the right. the nadis are said to play a role in many yogic practices, like shatkarmas, mudras, and pranayama. these practices are intended to open and unblock the nadis to allow life force to be abundant within all of us. the ultimate aim of some yogic practices are to direct prana into the sushumna nadi, enabling the kundalini to rise, and thus bring about moksha karaka, our liberation. in both the subtle and the causal body, the nadis are channels for our cosmic, vital, seminal, mental, and intellectual energies (our prana). this is why they are considered to be important for sensations, consciousness and the spiritual aura.

🥇 ida is traditionally associated with lunar energy. the word ida means "comfort" in sanskrit. ida possesses a moonlike nature and a distinct feminine energy with a cooling/yin effect. whereas, pingala is associated with solar energy. the word pingala means "orange" or "tawny" in sanskrit. pingala possesses a sunlike nature and masculine energy. pingala is warm/yang and courses throughout the right side of the body, whereas ida courses through the left side of the body. these nadis are often representative of the two hemispheres of the brain. pingala is the extroverted, solar nadi, and corresponds to left hemisphere of the brain. ida is the introverted, lunar nadi, and refers to the right hemisphere of the brain. this is due to the left hemisphere controlling the muscles on the right side of the body and the right hemisphere controlling those on the left, symbolic of the dualism of nature and our bodies. the ida nadi regulates all the mental, lunar processes while the pingala nadi regulates all the vital, solar processes. examples of uttara ashadha athlete natives who learned to balance the inner matangi and nadis within is the famous professional boxer muhammad ali (uttara ashadha surya) who was nicknamed “the greatest”. the olympic athlete marion jones (uttara ashadha chandra) who is a world champion track and field athlete and previous member of the WNBA. we also see a great abundance of athletes specifically having an uttara ashadha surya, such as matthias ginter, malek jaziri, claudio marchisio, tyler breeze, davie selke, pierre webó, and ehsan haddadi. as surya feels at home and comfortable in expressing it’s dualistic nature in this nakshatra. athletes and uttara ashadha natives are said to operate in the pingala mental state, but understand the importance of matangi and the balance of prana. as prana is considered to unite all elements and directions (recall the directional nature of the world elephants) within the body by aligning the ether element within, as how brihaspati and shani are both of the ether/air element and are crucial in reaching balance in our souls.

🐘 sasha pivovarova: uttara ashadha surya and chandra

🔥 uttara ashadha lies in the padas of sagittarius and capricorn. like all the surya-ruled nakshatras, vimshottari-wise, it bridges the nature of the fire element and the earth element. this denotes the karmic association of peak masculinity (fire) and the grounding femininity (earth). the elemental nature of earth represents the body. it is the densest element and creates the most heaviest psychological influence. it represents the practicalness and sensuality of nature, as a mongoose simply intuitively knows when to alert his group of danger or a goat knows which step to climb on a mountain. fire is the focus that lies within us and it corresponds to the digestion of life. fire is said to digest sensory impressions (water) and turn them into purposeful thoughts and ideas. as surya is said to calm the waters of the mind (chandra).

🌬 whereas, the air element correlates to intelligence and the movement within, essentially our prana. this deep level of intellect is why the elemental air/shani/brihaspati signs are seen in politics, as they know how to relate to others and appeal to society. these natives are highly social, conscientious, and understand the principles they abide by, hence their prevalence in politics. the element of ether is not to be confused with the principality of air. like air, ether is associated with conscientious but it is also the state of pure consciousness itself. ether transcends the physical elements (this is why rahu is said to be capable of air, as when rahu in his dark, illusionary state, he cannot transcend). ether is the witnessing of consciousness. it is the ability to perceive the process of intellect (air) and remain unidentified with it. it is our freedom and the closest to our state of satya. it serves as the freedom from the mind and body. it is detachment from our physical state of determination (fire), intellect (air), thoughts (water), and the sensuality of earth to go beyond our physical karma. as the ether knows detachment is the embodiment of true spiritual knowledge. this is why shani is said to both rule the ether element and be the higher state of rahu, as shani understands the power of going without for the purpose of the greater good.

🌳 both sagittarius and capricorn embody the final installment of the earth and fire rashis. sagittarius is the natural ninth house of higher education, wisdom, and spirituality. capricorn is the natural tenth house of power, ambition, and work. these houses are bridged under the leadership and guiding qualities of surya to create a distinct amount of material and mental wealth. this is why we see uttara ashadha natives feel called to work in areas such as politics, law, and economics, due to their spiritual and societal knowledge. the fall of uttara ashadha lies within the elemental composition of this nakshatra. too much fire leads to exaggerated levels of aggression. too much air causes sterility, dryness, and an ungrounded sense of life. too much earth brings stagnation and clinging. for example, george washington (uttara ashadha chandra) was known for his sex scandals, killings, and perpetuation of slavery. pope saint john xxiii (uttara ashadha chandra) was known for bending the rules in order to be ordained as the pope. jeb bush (uttara ashadha chandra) was known to be associated with high class drug dealers and lawsuits. abraham lincoln (uttara ashadha chandra) was known for his disagreement of slavery, despite being quite racist himself. these men operated in the stagnation, sterility, and energetic dullness that lied within their souls. they embraced the corrosive flames of fire and figuratively burned down what they did not respect. corazon aquino (uttara ashadha chandra) was regarded with high respect for combining traditional femininity with politics and her advocation for human rights and restoration of political power to civilians. aquino* (please see my note below) is an example of uttara ashadhas using their fiery determination to bring equality and justice to people, no matter the cost. they relate to the earthly parallels of society and know in order to gain equality, sacrifices of the self must be made. thus, they are the embodiment of yang.

💥 no matter the morals and principles of uttara ashadhas, we see uttara ashadha men being idolized and followed by the collective. the media is entranced by their yang embodiment and their negative behaviors are frequently ignored for the purpose of remaining idolized. consider uttara ashadha natives like russell crowe, bruce willis, george clooney, and matt damon. they have arose to great fame due to films like “die hard” or “ocean’s eleven”, because men idolize their pingala, tough, solitary, and strong exteriors and often try to imitate their actions. men subconsciously acknowledge the cosmic interplay of the masculine shani (capricorn), brihaspati (sagittarius), and surya, as they idolize the solitary state of the uttara ashadha mongoose: the one who has no yoni consort.

🪴 it is important to understand that capricorn itself is not a masculine sign. it is indeed the most feminine sign of the zodiac, due to it embodying the earthly nature of clinging to the tree as leaves do or grounding to the earth as clay. the over-ruler of capricorn, the planet shani, is often considered to be gender-neutral as the ether element itself transcends gender. shani simply molds the earthly, feminine clays of capricorn into greatness and abundance. examine the abundance of uttara ashadha, shravana, and dhanishta (whom all lie in the capricorn rashi). all of these nakshatras are famed for their looks, auras, and wealth.

* the lovely @/sakkurareadnt on twitter has brought to my attention that while aquino was the first president of the philippines to be a woman, she was not the one to solely change the power civilians have. it was the people of the philippines themselves who organized the revolution. aquino did believe in human rights and did well during her presidency, but the restoration of power to the people was primarily due to the movement of the citizens of philippines. i sincerely apologize for any confusion this may have caused 💗

🐘 fka twigs: uttara ashadha surya

☀️ due to surya being the fiery path within, the element fire is said to connects us to the sense of sight. ayurveda states anything we can see is touched by fire, as we abide in the state of solar satya. the element fire is called “tejas” in sanskrit and it is the third of the pancha mahabhutus (the five great elements). it is the third element because it evolves from the states of ether and air, containing the essence of these elements within it. ether energizes fire with the ability to find space to exist within. air bestows fire with the capacity of prana to burn. it is due to the element air, that fire will never be able to still within us. fire is said to represent the capacity for heat and light. it is the generator of energy in the body, modeling the behavior of how surya is the generator of energy for the entire solar system. it is said that fire is the process of liberating energy from its source.

⭐️ the tanmatra of vision, rupa, is the origin of the purifying fires. rupa means to form or color. the forms and colors of life are a direct result from our perception. rupa serves as the tanmatra, our unmanifested form of perception, light, and vision. fire binds with the sense of vision, as fire provides light for perception. the eyes serve as the channel through which light is digested and perception takes place. think of it this way, you cannot see what is ahead of you, if you simply have no light to illuminate your path. with uttara ashadha women specifically, we tend to see this struggle with male attention. women are naturally quite yin, but the peak pingala energy of uttara ashadha alters the manifestation of these natives. people are confused by these natives’ balanced and equalizing energy and flock to their perceived light like moths to a flame. in many cases, people are also insecure about the uttara ashadha native’s inner elemental balance and will choose to leave them. this is because uttara ashadha illuminates everything within their environment, including the vampiric energies of others.

✨ in the show “euphoria”, cassie (played by an uttara ashadha chandra native sydney sweeney), we see this internal dichotomy around male attention. cassie is described as a sweet and popular person, but has difficulty with navigating relationships. she grew up with an emotionally unavailable and irresponsible father who grew to only care for money. men are entranced by her energy and solely view her as a means of sexual pleasure. boys treat her as this shiny jewel, until she rejects or accepts their sexual advances, then she is viewed as promiscuous. the problem here is men become obsessed with uttara ashadha women, as they are obsessed with uttara ashadha men in film. they seek these natives’ fire and become disappointed when they come to find these natives have emotions and needs like any other person.

🌥 the movie “gone girl” is about a former writer and his glamorous wife amy (played by uttara ashadha chandra rosamund pike). they try to present a portrait of a blissful marriage to the public. when amy goes missing on the couple's fifth wedding anniversary, the writer becomes the prime suspect in her disappearance. the police pressure and media frenzy causes the couple's image of a happy union to crumble, leading to tantalizing questions about who they really are. throughout their relationship, amy tried to be the perfect girl who was the best wife she could be, but she felt she was never good enough. she changed her entire personality to conform to the wants of her husband. in the movie, she states (WARNING: THIS DOES CONTAIN GRAPHIC LANGUAGE): “men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? she’s a cool girl. being the cool girl means i am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and ***l sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary **** bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because cool girls are above all hot. hot and understanding. cool girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. go ahead, sh*t on me, i don’t mind, i’m the cool girl. men actually think this girl exists. maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. for a long time cool girl offended me. i used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and i’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: you are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. i’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: the b*tch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! and the cool girls are even more pathetic: they’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. oh, and if you’re not a cool girl, i beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the cool girl. it may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so cool girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so cool girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. there are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants cool girl, who is basically the girl who likes every thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (how do you know you’re not cool girl? because he says things like: “i like strong women.” if he says that to you, he will at some point **** someone else. because “i like strong women” is code for “i hate strong women.”)”.

⛅️ men view uttara ashadhas as this immovable and illustrious force of light. they assume they behave as uttara ashadha men do in their violent, “fight club”-esc films. this deep desire often leads to many uttara ashadha natives feeling the need to embrace a lifestyle of hyper-masculinity to compensate for their natural and human emotions. people crave these natives to be the hot, light, dry, rough, and sharp nature of fire itself. the people in these natives’ lives expect for themselves to be the inherent air that is within the nature of fire. after all, it is the element air that provides fire with its mobile quality. although the truest state of uttara ashadha is the subtle fire, their effects are the most prominent. when you approach fire, what do you feel first? the heat of the flames. this is why we associate the element fire with the fires we can see. as fire represents light, heat, luster, energy, understanding, and the power of transformation.

🌤 examine uttara ashadha natives like issa rae in “insecure”, jane levy in “zoey’s extraordinary playlist”, zooey deschanel in “new girl”, or the aforementioned women above. these natives will be repeatedly shunned for their emotional nature and sensitivities because we expect surya to be the silent source of satiability. to see this source of sustenance have feelings and needs, shocks the moth who was once attracted to the flame. the moth realizes that not everything is about their deepest carnal desires.

🐘 nina simone: uttara ashadha chandra

💪🏽 these natives are no stranger to standing up for the injustices of their era. while surya natives do struggle with unwanted expectations and internal dichotomies, this does not discredit the common belief that these natives serve as the celestial father who provides the vital force behind creation and its sustenance. surya natives’ strong will and individuality, coupled with their boldness and ambition, creates a wonderful passion for advocating for what they believe in. think of uttara ashadha native nina simone who was both musically talented and an advocate for civil rights. she used her talents and fame to shed light on a greater cause. simone once stated, “i had spent many years pursuing excellence, because that is what classical music is all about... now it was dedicated to freedom, and that was far more important.”. nicki minaj, another uttara ashadha native, is often regarded as the queen of rap and is known for advocacy for women’s rights and power. in an interview minaj said, “when you’re a girl you have to be everything… you have to be sexy, and you have to be this and you have to be that, and you have to be nice. it’s like, i can’t be all those things at once. i’m a human being.”. joan jett (an uttara ashadha native) stated: “i figured out it was a social thing, what women were allowed to do. at a very young age, i decided i was not going to follow women's rules.”.

🍯 this behavior correlates to one of the ten vishvadevas: kratu. kratu is the deity representative of strength. rishi kratu appeared in two different ages. kratu is one of the seven great sages (the saptarishis). these sages are said to have originated from the consciousness of brahma. kratu is sometimes even believed to have been born from his father's left eye. kratu was married to sannathi and it is believed the couple had sixty thousand children, which are referred to as balakhilyas. the balakhilyas were said to be the size of a thumb and lived alongside the bank of rivers. the balakhilyas were once insulted by deity indra, the king of celestial deities. by the power generated by their penance, they were able to please shiva. in turn, shiva gave him a boon that they would be able to produce a bird who could pull out the cosmic nectar from indra.

🪓 the story goes that prajapati daksha was the head of sacrifice. prajapati daksha held a grudge against rudra or (depending on the story) for his daughter sati marrying shiva against his wishes. prajapati daksha did not send even an invitation to shiva for the sacrifice. sati went to the sacrifice alone and was terribly insulted for marrying shiva by her family. sati then k*lled herself by by jumping into the sacrificial fire. upon hearing the news of sati, lord shiva became madden with rage. shiva pulled out a lock of hair from his head and threw it down, invoking the spirit of veerabhadra (or bhairava) shiva ordered veerabhadra to go with his followers and destroy everybody who attended the sacrifice, including prajapati daksha himself.

⚔️ veerabhadra and shiva’s followers then went and beheaded daksha. they began to punish each and every god who attended the holy sacrifice. they knocked out the teeth of pushan, removed the eyes of bhaga, and severed the two testicles of kratu. soon after, the gods went to shiva and begged for his mercy. shiva said that they should all serve under him as animals for a period of time; only then would they will regain their original status. all of the gods agreed to this. shiva then restored the teeth, eyes, and testicles of the different gods. daksha was also revived by placing the head of a goat on his neck (more on this in a later post). after kratu’s testicles were restored, he married sannati, the daughter of daksha. they were all described as small sages no bigger than the joint of the thumb and said to be chaste and pious.

⚱️ later on, rishi kratu was again born in the vaivasvata manvantara (seventh and current manvantara), due to lord shiva’s boon. in this cyclic period of time, kratu had no family. it is reported that kratu was born from the hand of lord bharma, whereas the other rishis are said to have been born from other parts of the body of brahma. because kratu had no family and no children, he adopted agastya’s son: idhvaaha.

⚒ uttara ashadha natives understand that sacrifices have to be made for the betterment of society, as the many gods were sacrificed by participating in the harmful behavior that caused sati to jump into the deadly fire. specifically, these natives understand the sacrifice of career and monetary stability for this cause. these natives learn to reject traditional associations of femininity and masculinity and learn the essence of all life is an equilibrium of both (symbolic of kratu being castrated, thus having the phallic force being altered). uttara ashadhas act as brahma’s hand in which birthed the deity of strength (kratu), by lending a helping hand to those in need and never forgeting the importance of where they come from. famous singers like nicki minaj, joan jett, and nina simone understood this and frequently put their careers on the line to ensure they were treated with the utmost respect. modeling the sacrificial sati, nina simone sacrificed her career in singing to devote her entire life to advocating for civil rights and joan jett devoted her entire career to breaking gender norms and stereotypes. what people fail to understand is the integrity these women have. whatever surya women choose to do, they will stand by their decision and suffer the consequences. they understand in order to command respect, you must garner accountability. the act of activism arguably runs much deeper than jupitarian women. as kratu was once said to have no family and be alone, surya natives feel the need to guide others as they wish they could have been guided at a young age. these natives choose to adopt the burdens of the collective masses (as kratu with idhvaaha). they struggled with jealousy and male dichotomies and fantasies. they endured years of abandonment, loss, and energetic vampires sucking the light from them. only to shine like the bright stars they truly are, reaching their latter victory and choosing to never leave anyone behind or forgotten.

i highly encourage you to watch the clip below because it perfectly illustrates hows surya-ruled women understand the inadequacies and injustices of this world and decide to use their platform to speak on it:

https://youtu.be/PzGZamtlRP0

🐘 sza: uttara ashadha lagna

🎖the latter victory is quintessential, yet individualistic, to uttara ashadhas. throughout all areas of the life, these natives succeed in unimaginable ways. from sports, modeling, singing to activism and acting, they reach the highest possible success. once these natives have mastered the lessons of the planets shani, brihaspati, and surya, they have to learn from one more deity: yama. recall the foundational essence of yama reoccurring throughout this post, the elephant, bhairavi, and yama’s correlation to mahapudma. it is said that in order to examine the polarity of a nakshatra, you must examine the opposing nakshatra as well. the opposite of uttara ashadha is pushya (and punarvasu). both punarvasu and pushya are considered to be highly auspicious nakshatras. punarvasu is able to encapsulate the transition from destruction (ardra) and nourishment (pushya) with blessings of the motherly aditi and the supervision of brihaspati, but what happens when pushya is also into the darker elements of life?

🎯 both punarvasu and pushya are linked to brihaspati, due to punarvasu being ruled by brihaspati (via vimshottari dasha) and pushya being under the deity rulership of brihaspati. as i discussed on twitter recently, pushya is directly linked to funerals and morticians. the fourth house of cancer is said to be eight houses away from the twelfth house. thus, denoting one finding home, roots, or comfort in times of death or misfortune. the deities associated with shani are yama and prajapati. yama represents death, dharma, and the underworld and prajapati represents rebirth and creation (modeling the transformative themes of punarvasu as well). the deity of pushya, brihaspati, is said to be a sage born from the first great light, as punarvasu’s meaning is said to be “prosperous again” or “return of the light”. brihaspati is said to be the one who drives away darkness. pushya natives embody brihaspati by bringing great healing and comfort to those in terrible times. or they may embody yama and become hyperfixated with the themes of death. recall how angelina jolie (pushya lagna) stated she wanted to be a mortician when she grew up. a famous funeral director, marshall white, is likely a pushya chandra. a convicted m*rderer & mortician, bernie tiede, is a pushya surya.

🪦 uttara ashadhas marry and reflect the saturnian and jupitarian in a differing, but similar, way. throughout this post, dharma has been mentioned frequently. it is difficult to exactly provide a single definition for dharma, as the word has a long history and it’s interpretations vary throughout hinduism, buddhism, sikhism, and jainism. there is actually no equivalent synonym for dharma in english. the root of the word dharma is "dhri", meaning “to support, hold, or bear". dhri is what regulates the course of change by consistently abstaining from change. however, most can agree dharma means the “right way of living" and "path of rightness". this also depends on the context and the meaning of dharma, as it has evolved as ideas of hinduism have evolved through history. in the earliest texts and ancient myths of hinduism, dharma meant cosmic law, the rules that created the universe from chaos and rituals. after time, the meaning became more complex, it is said to designate human behaviors considered necessary for the order of things in the universe; principles that prevent chaos; and behaviors and actions necessary to all life in nature, society, and family.

🔪 whereas, yama is considered to have been the first mortal who died and saw the way to the celestial abodes. due to this, he became the lord of the departed. yama's name can also mean "twin", and in some myths he is paired with a twin sister names yamī. yama is assisted by chitragupta who is assigned with the task of keeping complete records of the actions of human beings on earth. upon the death of humans, yama decides if they shall reincarnate as a superior or inferior organism, depending on their actions on earth (karma). this is why yama is considered to be the lord of justice and is sometimes referred to as dharma, referring to yama’s unwavering dedication to maintaining order and his adherence to harmony.

🏹 like punarvasu and pushya, uttara ashadhas wish to guide others through their path of dharma, as the bow of brihaspati navigates through the winds, but they also struggle with neglecting themselves. they are so giving with their fruitful bounty, they often forget to spend time within. their inclination for guiding, giving, and dying unto oneself often becomes a fixation that eventually leads to burn out and tiredness. this is why uttara ashadha natives must study the nature of yama and learn when to set healthy boundaries. i will not be including the hymn of yama and yamī (the children of the sun god: surya) as to not trigger others with it’s inc*stuous nature, but it is an example of how those with saturnian/jupitarian influences must learn to set boundaries, even with those they love. sza’s (uttara ashadha lagna) “ctrl” album is a perfect example of the potential for vulnerability, imperfectness, and the deep capability of love these natives exhibit. i highly recommend listening to her songs “love galore”, “normal girl”, and “garden”, as they directly reflect the topics i have discussed in this post. learning to set boundaries will be difficult, as many of the times this creates a need to have difficult conversations with those we love. but when we align ourselves under the eyes of surya, we learn it is the key to flourishing into the tree of life.

🐘 sade adu: uttara ashadha surya

🌲 the movie “the tree of life”, stars multiple surya natives (including uttara ashadha chandra brad pitt). the movie tells an impressionistic story of a texan family in the 1950s. the film follows the life journey of the eldest son, jack (played by leo chandra sean penn and an uttara phalguni native and uttara ashadha atmakaraka hunter mccracken), through the innocence of childhood to his disillusioned adult years as he tries to reconcile a complicated relationship with his father (brad pitt). jack finds himself to be a lost soul in the modern world, seeking answers to the origins and meaning of life while questioning the true existence of faith.

🪵 the tree of life emblem is a popular, universal symbol that represents differing meanings across all cultures and religions. the symbol does not originate from one specific culture as it has been used all over the world for centuries. the tree of life is said to commonly represent the interconnectedness and intertwining of everything within the universe. it is symbolic of togetherness and serves as a reminder that you are never alone or isolated, but rather that you are connected to all beings in existence. the roots of the tree of life are deeply grounded and spread into the core of earth. by accepting the nourishment from mother earth, the tree’s branches reach up into the sky, accepting energy from the lights of both the surya and chandra. this correlates to the goddess matangi (who is the tantric form of saraswati). saraswati is the mother goddess of knowledge, wisdom, and the arts. one cannot grow solid roots without the foundational knowledge of life and nourishment (saraswati). with a solid foundation in place, the tree of life symbolizes the connection to one’s family and ancestors (ketu). the tree has an intricate network of branches that represent how our lineage grows and expands over time. trees will always find a way to keep growing, through seeds or new saplings, and is lush with greenery, which signifies its ancient fertility.

🌧 all trees are unique and special. by their branches sprouting at different points and in different directions, they symbolize a person's personal growth into a unique human being as different experiences shape them into who they are destined to be. as time passes, both trees and ourselves gain more unique characteristics, as branches may break off, new ones grow, and as the weather takes its toll. during these alterations and changes, the tree remains steadfast and sturdy. as shani brings about trials and tribulations, people grow and change throughout their lifetime and their unique experiences mold and enhance their individuality. the tree of life loses it’s leaves and appears to be dead during winter, but after this trialing period of winter, new buds appear and fresh leaves unfurl to reveal their emerald-like beauty (matangi). this cyclical nature represents the beginning of a new life and a dawn of anew. in a way, the tree (our souls) is immortal. even though the tree may grow old or slightly wither, it still produces seeds that carry its essence through the figurative winds of prana. as the tree within us may never die, it shall only transform and be reborn.

🌊 at the end of the movie, “the tree of life”, the now adult jack wanders through a wasteland, as yama once died and symbolizes the purgatory state of the wasteland. jack goes through a doorway and finds himself on a beach. there he shares the screen with his father and mother who concedes her son to the higher power. jack realigned himself with his solar power and gleamed in the light of his mother and father, like the tree of life gleams in both the sunlight and moonlight. jack received the blessing of his mother, symbolic of the goddess saraswati, who offered him into the unknown light of yama. the truth is, most of us do not know what truly happens after we step into the final light, thus ending our earthly presence and accepting the unknown of the future. recall from earlier, fire is said to digest sensory impressions (water) and turn them into purposeful thoughts and ideas. as surya is said to calm the waters of the mind (chandra). jack’s alignment from the beach to heavenly light symbolizes he has finally digested and successfully pondered on his actions throughout his existence. he has calmed both the waters and fires within and is granted the true passage to afterlife.

🐘 nicki minaj: uttara ashadha lagna

⛰ it is now the native has returned to the peak pyramids of life. they have reached the zenith of their soul and look down from the symbolic pyramid to see the differing trees of life. they examine the highs and lows, sadness and happiness, and the polarities between chandra and surya. prana enshrouds the pyramid and blows the luscious, warm leaves of the trees around in the autumnal season. it is only the uttara ashadha native that will be left to see how far along they have come. in the beginning, uttara ashadhas were the lonely mongoose who simultaneously felt they belonged to everyone and no one. they tried to embody the personal surya to others and learned the error in their ways. these natives were there to lend a helping hand to others, no matter what that sacrifice entails. they have worn the masks of ketu, travelled as the head elephant leads his group, and now stand before the cosmic fire. the mongoose is no longer sad in his sedentary ways, he is fearless, in the sense his open to all feelings from deep love to intense sorrows. may you uttara ashadhas abide in your satya and may the strength of the vishvadevas guide you further into the unknown.

🐘 aaliyah: uttara ashadha surya

💋 as always, i am open to any constructive criticism! i tried to touch on the deities’ involvement in the appearances, manifestations, and symbolism of uttara ashadha. like the endangered elephant and the elusive mongoose, uttara ashadhas are a rare kind. they embody the true abundance of yang that is secure in their solar nature and path. people will latch on to their brihaspati, shani, and surya qualities, as they understand that these energies guide their environment to follow the behavior of the native (as a male elephant leads his family unit to safety and prosperity). uttara ashadhas are so kind, warm, and giving and you guys truly do not get the love you deserve. boundaries will be very important to these natives, as they are so giving (solar) with their knowledge and wealth (brihaspati), they must learn to set healthy boundaries (shani) to avoid burn out. if you are looking for more information about uttara ashadha, get to know the overrulers and supreme deities of surya, agni (fire god) and shiva (supreme god); brihaspati, indra (king of the gods) and brahma (law giver); and shani, yama (the god of death) and prajapati (the creator). also—and i cannot stress this enough—familiarize yourself with the deities of this nakshatra: the vishvadevas. if any of my placements or information are incorrect please feel free to let me know! also, i am fully aware of the origins of vedic astrology and if i was in anyway disrespectful to hindu culture, i will take down this post immediately. i am incredibly honored to know such lovely vedic astrology enthusiasts. you all mean so much to me xx

**all of these placements were found using astrotheme/.com and/or astro-charts/.com. it is important to note that some chandra (moon) placements may be off by up to 6 degrees and lagnas (risings) as well, due to the fact that many websites do not have 100% accurate birth times for the given celebrities.

**i take absolutely no credit for the invention of vedic astrology-based appearance profiles. please watch claire nakti on youtube or look into @/cn0bles, @/lovejustlied, @/dh4nishta, and @/vanillemercure on twitter for more in-depth analysis on vedic astrology xx

“i’ll tell you what freedom is to me, no fear.” - nina simone (uttara ashadha chandra)

xoxo, angel <3

#vedicastrology #astrology #nakshatras #capricorn #sagittarius #sagittarius aesthetic #capricorn aesthetic #capricorn moon #sagittarius moon #uttara ashadha nakshatra #the sun #lord shani #brihaspati #saturn #jupiter

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giorno-plays-piano · 4 years

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Playing games Pairing: dark!Sebastian Stan x Reader Warning: yandere, swearing, some non-con implications towards the end. Words: 2069. P.S. JESUS CHRIST WHAT HAVE I DONE I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON I HOPE NO ONE WHO REALLY MET SEBASTIAN GONNA READ THIS ghjdfyjdfds I’m so sorry guys _____________________________________ “I asked for a vanilla latte with extra milk, not caramel cappuccino.”

You rolled your eyes at his irritated remark. You knew Sebastian wasn’t in his best mood this morning and expected him to make your day nastier just because he felt like it.

“Sorry, but I’m sure it was caramel cappuccino. You asked for some cinnamon on the top, remember?”

“No, I didn’t.” He snarled and looked at you, giving a mocha frappe to Jill, his hair artist. “I asked for a vanilla latte. If you suffer from memory loss, you’d better visit your doctor once we get back to US.”

What an asshole. Mary, who was now applying some makeup on Sebastian’s face with her beauty blenders and brushes, bit down on her lip: she had been watching how he treated you for the last 3 weeks, and it was a living nightmare. It was very odd since Sebastian was on good terms with pretty much everyone around, but you were always an exception. Why? Neither Mary nor Jill could tell. There was nothing revolting in the way you behaved around Mr. Stan, simply doing your job as his assistant. You were getting him coffee every morning, buying some personal stuff for him, managing his meetings… but you were more an errand girl, that’s true. It was surprising for most of the other people surrounding you two, but you didn’t object to your tasks. You were furious because of the way Sebastian treated you.

He was mean, unfair, irritating, and rude. You didn’t deserve it.

“Well, my voice recorder tells I got everything right.” You pulled it from the pocket of your below-knee sheath skirt, ready to press the button.

“What the fuck is that?” The man rose to his feet immediately, almost pushing frozen Mary out of his way and stepping towards you. “How many times do I have to tell you? NO. FUCKING. RECORDERS.”

He was ready to snatch it from your hands, yet you were able dodge him right on time, hiding the recorder in your pocket again.

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry, I’ll put it away!” In a second you were behind Jill’s tall figure as if you were a child hiding from a bad-tempered parent, Sebastian watching you with anger in his cold blue eyes. “I’m not going to use it. But it’s still true, you asked for caramel cappuccino.”

“Guess what? I don’t fucking care.” He growled in a low voice. “You’ll go and get me vanilla latte because it’s your goddamn job. And I want my coffee before Jill’s finished with my hair, understood?”

Watching his with clear disdain on your face, you cursed under your breath. It was freaking hot in Prague where Sebastian was filming now and getting out the second time just to run to Starbucks once more would sure ruin both your makeup and a white blouse you had been wearing. Damn it.

“God, why do you have to be such a bastard most of the time?” You snapped at him, visibly shaking with fury. “What the hell is wrong with you? Are you a closet psycho or what?”

“I’m the one who pays you, honey.” He smiled at you the same way he always did it in front of the camera and you felt sick.

You stormed off the room without having a glance back at his perfect white teeth. Sebastian Stan was the worst person you had ever met, and you were working for him, seeing him every day and listening to his orders as if you were his pet. How did it come to this? Why did he look like the most perfect human being to you six months ago? What made him behave like that to you when in reality it was him who offered you a job?

God, it was all messed up. You did not remember when things got so bad you could yell at each other in a full voice. It was actually surprising, someone like you shouting and swearing at one of the world’s most famous actors, but it was something Sebastian let you do. Like he wanted you to scream at him regardless who surrounded you whether it was his makeup artists, agents, cleaning ladies or anyone else. It was like he got off on it.

True, this job payed well, much better than the one you had before. Moreover, in these 6 months you saw more countries than you did in your entire life, travelling with Sebastian everywhere and meeting tons of new people, many of them being great professionals. It was inspiring; it made you dream of all the things you thought were impossible; it made you curious and gave you a chance to practice your networking skills.

But Sebastian was fucking blowing it. After six months of constant everyday battles filled with rage and pure hatred you had gained weight, 10 pounds to be precise. Now you were having problems to sleep, and you knew it wasn’t the jet lag.

Anyway, you spent the whole day running around the city to buy him this or that. In the evening you were so tired you could barely move your legs while Sebastian was clearly pleased seeing you like that. It probably stroked his enormous ego.

Fuck it. You didn’t deserve a minute of it. You were not going to let him ruin you for fun, just because he could it since he payed you. Why did you spend you precious time trying to please him? Sure, you still considered him one of the best actors on the planet, but the things he did to you were not ok. He wasn’t ok. Maybe he really was a psycho or had some disorder he didn’t want to treat, you had no idea. But you knew it couldn’t continue like that. It was too much.

You spent an hour writing an email and asking to be laid off. It was just a few lines, simple and professional, yet you were constantly adding and then erasing new sentences. You shouldn’t make it personal, you thought to yourself. You doubted you could leave on agreeable terms, but you needed to give it a try. Even if your last argument with Mr. Stan might be the worst of them all, it would be your last one. It was worth it.

Sighing, you decided to take a stroll before going to bed. 15 minutes wouldn’t hurt, right? You’d have some fresh air and enjoy the view of Prague’s Powder Gate – you were lucky to stay right in the center of this magnificent old city. You could make some more photos to show your friends once you return back home. It was also nice to just sit on a bench and look at the night sky full of stars.

Maybe then you wouldn’t feel so guilty for leaving Sebastian and your team.

In the end, it took you way more that 15 minutes, but your late-night walk made your thoughts clear and left no regrets about your choice. What was happening between you and Sebastian wasn’t right, and you could do nothing but leave. With so many people wishing to work for him he would get another assistant in a matter of hours, and you would get your life back. Those money you earned would keep you afloat quiet some time even if you wouldn’t be able to get a job right away.

“What is this, Y/N?”

His voice almost made you jump. Sebastian stood up from the chair in the corner of your room once you put on the lights. What the Hell was he doing here so late? How did he open the door? If he needed anything, he could simply give you a call.

Oh. You saw your little black recorder in his hand.

“I told you I won’t use it anymore.” Your jaw clenched.

“I’m not talking about this piece of shit.”

He tossed your recorder on your bed as if he couldn’t care less and moved towards you so fast you had no time to step back.

“What is this pathetic email you wrote?” Sebastian’s handsome face darkened. “Are you not right in the head? You want to leave?”

“Yes, I do. What’s wrong with that?” Your expression hardened. He dared to touch your laptop when you weren’t there. “I thought you’d be glad to know. Today you told me three times I didn’t deserve working for you, correct?”

“You know perfectly well I wasn’t serious.”

“God, I have a hard time telling when you’re serious since all you do is hating me.”

He sent you an icy glare.

“You know I don’t hate you. You just happen to bring the worst in me, dear.”

There he was again. God, were you going to have this argument right now when you were deadly tired? You hoped it could wait till tomorrow, but it was clearly not your luckiest day.

“If you want to blame me again, it’s ok. I’m the worst one. I’m a bad person and a terrible assistant.” You squeezed your eyes shut and sighed again, scratching your forehead. “I get it. What I don’t get is why you aren’t happy I’m leaving.”

“Because I don’t want you to leave. If I really hated you so much, I’d already found another assistant, but I don’t want that.”

“Listen, let’s stop playing our games just for a few minutes.” This conversation made you feel even more exhausted. “We don’t get along. You don’t like me. Why do we torment each other? I don’t even remember the last time we had a regular conversation without shouting and cursing.”

“I’m not playing games with you, dear. You do.” He had already cornered you, his face determined and somewhat unsettling. “What do you want? A raise? More benefits?”

You were ready to yell at him again.

“Did you listen to what I just said? I want to leave. I want to come home and forget about all our horrible fights. I want to have a steady and boring job back in US. Do you understand?”

“NO, I DON’T!” The man screamed at you again, and now you suddenly felt his arms clenching your shoulders painfully and winced from his touch. “I already told you to stop toying with me! After all this shameless flirting and batting your eyes you wanna tell me you’re leaving? Do you think I’m so stupid to believe in this bullshit?”

It took you a few seconds to process his words. What? Flirting? Well, you did consider him handsome and charming, who on Earth didn’t, but you had never pulled anything like that. At first, it was because of your professionalism, and then your relationships escalated so fast you knew that he hated you and you hated him. What Sebastian had been even talking about?

You felt very aware how close he was once you felt his heavy breath on your face. He never did this before.

“Listen, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I want to leave. That’s all.” You tried pushing him back with your hands against his chest. “Please, let me go. I need to… t-to go to the kitchen.”

“You’re going nowhere, dear.” His expression darkened. “Tell me the truth. You don’t want me to treat you like my assistant? I get it, I get it, it’s fine. I can treat you like my girl in front of everyone if that’s what you want.”

“No! I – “

His put his hand on your mouth immediately, leaning in closer.

“It’s ok, I understand. I grew tired of pretending like nothing happens between us, too. You want me to let everyone now? It’s ok. I’ll post our photo on Instagram tomorrow. Is this what you want? Is this what you want?”

You tried to scream, but his grip on you was too strong as if Sebastian was really some kind of super soldier. Desperately trying to wriggle free you only got him to hold you tighter, his soft lips all over your face already wet with tears.

“It’s ok, dear. I got it.” He shushed you, trying to keep your arms together with his hand and pushing his knee in between your legs. “I’m sorry it took me so long. I understand now, so you don’t have to go. You won’t go, will you?”

You couldn’t answer him even if you wanted to.

#sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan #dark sebastian stan #bucky barnes x reader #dark bucky barnes #winter soldier

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bisluthq · 2 years

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I didn't mention eating disorder I mentioned celebrities having big group of friends and fans treating celebs like their own best friend I didn't mention eating disorder yes celebrities body image does affect teenagers but it's not always their fault "

Except that you were answering MY ask where i said taylor & her squad of models irked me, when i was 16 ( 5ft11 just like taylor), her 1989 personna messed up with my body image. I didn't say she's 100% at fault for people feeling a certain way, i meant to say that even though she was herself victim of our societal norms, she was STILL partly responsible, because she got skinnier and skinnier but claimed to still be eating. hidk but hanging out with models didn't help either. Almost all models have EDs, or at the very least are underweight ( i should know i'm myself 180cm and thin). Th society is one thing, the media another, znd taylor perpetuated unrealistic beauty standards. Until she freed herself of society's expectations.

Celebs have an influence on young people no you dokt need to have a parasocial relationship with them to be affected by the trends they set. (and fyi, I didn't even stan tay back then, i was a casual listener. Her 1989 image is actually what made me NOT stan her for so long, cause her whole image was damaging to me, if she had gone on like this past 2016-17, i feel like her warm personality and generosity would have not been enough for me to continue on liking her). Thankfully, she got better better. Znd like i said she never capitalised on teens insecurities like the kardashians and influencers-alike do to this day.

Right. No one is saying it was her fault but her messaging was damaging at worst and irresponsible at best.

We can absolutely address the ways people like Tay then and plenty of celebs now damage young women especially even when that’s not their intention at all. It’s a complicated issue. It doesn’t make her a bad person. But like to act like there were no repercussions to 1989 messaging is untrue.

Taylor was never my body inspo because I’m short but like other people were and even though they also didn’t MEAN to cause damage mostly like it’s a lie to say I didn’t have a thinspo folder on my laptop at the time.

#nat talks 1989 #tw eating disorder

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dumbthotastrology · 5 years

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a dumb thots guide to moon signs

omg i have been gone for so long uhhhh just flaky gemini things. anyways hey girlies so today were gonna talk about your moon signs. the specifics of what each moon sign has in store, and about moon signs in general.

about moon signs:

while a sun sign can be an overall idea of your personality and overall self, a moon sign is what rules your inner-self and your emotions. It creates your needs and wants, and makes the base for your subconscious and your soul. your moon sign can also describe how you respond to crisis basically your moon sign explains why y'all are so fucked up.

your moon sign also can tell who you’re compatible with emotionally. although compatibility is a mix of other planets and other non-astrological factors, your moon sign is a huge component of the way you think and process things, which is generally a huge part of compatibility and intellectual attraction. oooh, big words.

also, like what i said in my previous post “a dumb thots guide to the planets” some people relate to their moon sign waaaay more than their sun sign, probably because there are less stereotypes and stigmas around moon signs. if you’re naturally a very emotional, intuitive, or dark person you might feel more attracted to your moon sign because your feelings and emotions are a large part of your thought-process.

so children, let's get into each moon sign and what they mean

aries moon: we stan most aries, so we also stan aries moons. these folks tell it how it is and aren’t afraid to speak their mind. aries moons are bold and enthusiastic with their life choices. they’re optimistic, even through tough times. they know what they want all the time, but y'all aries moons don’t know the difference between needs and wants because of your intensity in regards to passion and desire. they can be moody and temperamental if they don’t get what they want or life is going rough for them. In life, it's hard to create a balance because they go through plenty of ups and downs constantly. they might feel destructive towards other people or even towards themselves. aries moons are naturally dominant, so let's all embrace our little baby lunar christian greys.

taurus moon: okay so let's talk about our babies with taurus moons. the main traits of a moon sign in taurus is that they crave stability, reliability, and comfort. people with taurus moons tend to stay away from sketchy or messy situations because they’re not super adaptable to change. they take pride in their emotional stability and use it as their driving force (and they usually take charge anyway.) those with moons in taurus can be stubborn and selfish at times, and can get stuck in routines although that's not the end of the world for them. if you have a sun or moon (or just have a lot of taurus in your chart) you can suffer from taurus-style depression at times, which makes the person very lazy, tired, and tend to overeat or do a lotttt of retail therapy. but on the brighter side, if you’re in a relationship with them, they are more committed, helllllaaa sensual (get itttt), loyal, and you won’t expect a break up for a longggg time

gemini moon: (geminis, i love you and i support you) those with moons in gemini are charming and witty, just like the gemini sun signs. they are social butterflies and like to organize or make plans frequently otherwise they’ll get fussy. they're great communicators and get along with a lot of people, but since gemini moons are such people pleasers, they might get too involved with the opinions and emotions of other people and tend to ignore their own feelings or purpose. deep shit. restlessness is common in lunar geminis because they always need to be stimulated with something (talking, reading, watching tv, etc.) also nervousness and moodiness can be a problem in these people, leading to frustration and being snappy. but overall, we love you geminis.

cancer moon: cancer moons are little babies, in a good way. they’re extremely sensitive, intuitive, and they feel so damn much. our cancer moon girlies make incredible friends and parents, however be a bit cautious around them. since they feel so much, they can be defensive, moody, or more upset than normal when they’re hurt or unhappy. if you hurt cancer moons, good luck bud. they tend to close off or shut down when hurt, and take a while to heal. along with this, they hold grudges for a long time, and tend to keep their guard up if they somehow forgive you. just don't be playin with their feelings… don't do it. To heal and regroup, cancer moons like to stick with what they know and what they’re comfortable with, and many can be homebodied. these people have a lively imagination and are extremely intuitive, leading to possible psychic abilities or intentions. these people also tend to be natural empaths, which can lead to feeling emotionally bogged down from other people depending on you, but being an empath is a good thing because it shows your loyalty and compassion. love u.

leo moon: leo moons are our fun friends that have been by our side for years. these girlies are self confident, creative, and has an inspiring and extroverted energy. leo moons know their se;f worth, and won’t put up with anything less. they can be dominant at times, but their motivation for this dominance is generally respect. their feelings are intense and they don’t mess around when it comes to their ambitions and desires. a downside of leo moons though, is that they are super extra. some can see you as over the top or loud, and at times this can make you feel misunderstood. you may seem to be an attention whore sometimes, but through your passion and loyalty those close to you know that your intentions are good. keep bein your extra ass selves, leo moons. we love you.

virgo moon: those with virgo moons can be a little tricky to understand, but there are definitely some pros, you guys aren't all fucked up. lunar virgos really stan their routine, which make them naturally self-disciplined so they don't fall out of that routine. they tend to like exercising, self care, and love to develop new hobbies. they also love to help others, and you'll find that lunar virgos are wholesome, loyal, and sensitive in the best way possible. their routine is a need for them, and if they don’t have it they can get high-strung and aggravated. they can also get finicky and specific about how things go in their lives, which isn’t always a bad thing. if lunar virgos suffer from trauma or rough-patches, they might try to bottle their emotions up which will manifest later on in life. similar to lunar scorpios, virgo moons might experience issues with digestion due to their emotional stresses. some have described that those with virgo moons might have eating disorders due to nervous system or psychological factors. these people might also have controlling fears or issues, so as i said these people can be a little fucked up but their gigantic hearts and self determination make up for it and help them get through it. (and aren't we all a little fucked up out here?)

libra moon: lunar libras (ugh doesn't that sound so pretty?) are just beautiful little babies. they have a natural artsy and peaceful personality that draws you into them. they’re amazing at communicating and socializing, and one of their main goals seem to be pleasing people in all aspects. libra moons are amazing partners, and they often search for a partner due to the fact that they strongly dislike being without a significant other. it makes them feel out of balance and lonely at times. they seem to steady themselves based on the way others depend on them and their relationships, but this can lead to distress if tensions exist within an important relationship in their lives. the dark side of lunar libras isn’t as scary as others think, but can become an issue if taken out of hand. they might become dependent on others and their significant other which can, in turn, hurt them in the long run from a loneliness or longing after a break in the path. ooh, poetic.

scorpio moon: scorpio moons dont fuck around. (i have a scorpio moon, so be scared bitch.) to be frank, scorpio moons are intense and emotional. they have a higher understanding of the human thought process and can be deeply connected to emotions and vibes. these people are affected not only by their own emotions, but from others emotions as well. they pick up on certain situations because of the energy radiating off of it, making them helllllaaaa intuitive. lunar scorpios are INTENSE when it comes to love, and might be afraid of committing if they’ve been hurt in the past. they have a strong emotional need for drama or frequent change, and if they dont express their feleings they could even get physically sick (ive personally experienced a lot of stomach issues and nausea.) scorpio moons are defensive when it comes to love (even if they crave it) because they have a fear of betrayal or being hurt. through all of these intense shit though, they’re ambitious, sensual (!!!), creative, and committed. we been knew.

sagittarius moon: sagittarius moons are our party people. they’re fun, sociable, and extroverted. they love meeting new people and doing new things, it makes them thrive. they like to go through life with an easygoing nature, and generally aren't super negative. sometimes they’re even overly optimistic, and get their hopes up way too much which in the end will crush them if something goes poorly. when life isn't in their favor or things don't go their way, they get tf out of the situation or try to physically escape. they want to feel balanced at all times. to other people (especially more home-bodied signs) see sag moons as intimidating or annoying, but sag moons are very easy to get along with and will get along with almost anybody. basically, lunar sags are that one friend that you can never stay mad at, and want to hang out with all the time. we really do stan.

capricorn moon: our capricorn moon are our little home bodied babies. we love you. the underlying theme of most lunar capricorns is that they’re steady and reliable, and like to keep themselves that way. they like to surround their lifestyle around goal-setting, and have soooo freakin much ambition and determination. at some points, capricorn moons might start getting a little too obsessed with their goals, like girlies please calm down every once in a while. they want to better themselves all the time, and that can lead to isolation or feelings of loneliness. lunar capricorns have emotions that are a bit more logical and darker than some, and that makes them a bit more emotionally closed off because they don't want to kill the vibe or share what's on their mind if its not important. they seem cold to others because they like to make themselves seem put together allllll the time. like seriously. overall, all these kittygirls want is to be in control and to have structure, and we’ll let you have it, since you mainly aren’t that problematic.

aquarius moon: so our little aquarius moons are kinda weird in nature, but SO bright and independent, which a lot of us admire. lunar aquarians care a lot about what others think, so they try to bury any negative emotions (like pettiness or jealousy) so they don't seem unattractive. because of this, they might seem closed off, but most times you’ll receive more of an emotional connection once you get to know them. they are very receptive to others emotions and frequencies, and ponder the meaning of life and the universe as they feed on deeper and darker emotions. often times, they emotionally detach themselves from others and tend to feel lonely. they’re natural loners, but on the bright side they don't let their loneliness get in the way of their overarching purpose (for the most part.) the odd thing is, they take in so much energy and emotion from other, and some may call that an empath, but to others they might seem like they lack compassion because they emotionally shut off. we love them anyways though, because lunar aquarians are amazing friends and give people lots of independence and space to be themselves, and they expect the same.

pisces moon: our lunar pisceans (google told me that term) are dreamy and imaginative girlies. they’re SO empathetic and love to connect with others, and that makes many people confide and take comfort in them. they might become so involved in others (they especially root for the underdog and those less fortunate) that they lose track of themselves. if people take advantage of pisces moons’ empathy, the pisces moon will learn quickly and bounce back. their huge and accepting heart makes them amazing partners and friends because they’ll cherish you. (and y'all BETTER cherish them too i swear to god.) the downside to lunar pisceans though, is that they involve themselves in others so much that they become overloaded with emotion that they might feel numb or become spaced out. a supppperrr common thing in a pisces moon is zoning out to give their brain a break. pisces moons need time to recharge and step back to breathe. hey, we get it. life can be stressful af sometimes, especially for someone who feels everything.

the next dumb thots guide will be a dumb thots guide to the elements of astrology. (hopefully it wont take five billion years) bettttttt

-vi (gemini sun, scorpio moon, gemini rising) posted 6/15/19

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https-atz · 5 years

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ethereal — ltm (m).

summary: you had been a trainee at sm entertainment for all but two months when, in the most cliche fashion, you spilled your coffee on lee taemin. immediately the two of you hit it off and started dating. when he brings you into his dorm for the first time, things get heated.

warnings: smut, oral (female receiving), handjob, slight thigh riding, virgin!reader, softdom!taemin, slight mention of eating disorders, and cute shit

a/n: so like, this is based off of my exo 9th/13th member story on wattpad, and i don’t stan shinee, so i apologise if any characters in the story are unrealistic to their personality… i just had my oc’s first love be taemin. finally, this is my second time writing smut, and the longest on i have written. ion even have experience in this shit yet here we are. you’ve been warned.

“Come on,” he whispered, grabbing your hand.

It was almost midnight, and the halls of SM were empty, other than the two of you. You had just finished up practicing when your boyfriend appeared out of nowhere. The two of you had been dating for nearly seven months, and so far you had been pretty successful keeping your relationship a secret. If someone were to find out, it could mean the end of Taemin’s career and you being kicked out before you had the chance to debut. Neither of you wanted that, yet you couldn’t seem to keep away from each other.

“Where are we going?” You whispered quietly, holding back a giggle as he lead you down the halls. Your Korean had gotten substantially better, thanks to Taemin and your own hard hours of studying, and it was something you were quite proud of.

“It’s a secret,” he replied over his shoulder, a playful smirk on his beautiful lips. You bit your own to hold back a smile.

The two of you arrived in front of a door. Taemin released your hand to shuffle around in the pocket of his gray sweatpants for a few moments as you watched him, somewhat confused. His face lit up suddenly, and he pulled something out with a triumphant grin.

Keys, you realised. This was his dorm.

You nervously grabbed his arm before he could put them in the door. He halted his movements, turning to look at you as if you were his world. Your face turned red as you stumbled over your words, but finally managed to get something that you hoped sounded like: “What about your Hyungs?”

Taemin gave you an amused smile, hand brushing against your cheek. You couldn’t help but lean into him, craving his touch. “They are all currently going to dinner at some bar. I told them I already ate, which is true, as I heated up some leftover noodles earlier.”

“Oh,” you stated dumbly, not knowing what else to say.

Your boyfriend chuckled, his hand leaving your cheek as he turned away. Taemin unlocked the door, and allowed you to enter first.

You couldn’t help but gasp.

“It’s so big,” you said with wide, admiring eyes.

He rose his eyebrows at this. “Big? Is yours not the same size?”

You looked at him incredulously, giving a somewhat sarcastic laugh. “Our entire dorm is the size of this room alone.” Taemin didn’t seem too pleased with that, but didn’t voice his opinion.

“Would you like a water?”

At the mention of water, you suddenly noticed how scratchy your throat felt. So, you nodded vigorously. “Yes, please.”

When he was gone, you took it upon yourself to sit down on the couch in front of you. You glanced down at the white coffee table, noticing the small piece of paper lying untouched. It had been written on, though most of the words were scribbled out. Your eyebrows furrowed, wondering who wrote it.

You’re so pretty, don’t you know?

But ------ now you’re my girl.

You’re a flower with green leaves and raindrops.

I drink you in, feel you. But whatever I do, I’m still thirsty.

You jumped as Taemin appeared in front of you with a glass of water in his hand. “Here you go, pretty girl.”

Smiling gratefully, you took it from his hand. By the time you finished drinking, over half of the glass was emptied and your boyfriend had sat down next to you. You sighed as your throat cried out in relief, setting the glass down on the table. You looked at him, only to see him staring at you already. You swallowed, biting your lip. “Thank you.” You soon got distracted by the bookshelf to the right corner, on it standing one of your favorite books. The Little Mermaid, however unconventional, had been your favorite book ever since your baby sister died all those years ago. Only, it wasn’t the traditional disney fairytale, but the darker version of it.

You stood, ignoring the look of confusion your boyfriend gave you, and made your way over to the bookshelf. Standing on your tippy-toes, you reached up for the book, huffing when your fingers fell short. You heard Taemin chuckle from behind you.

“You’re so short, it’s adorable.”

“I’m only four inches shorter than you,” you rolled your eyes playfully, despite knowing he couldn’t see it. “Besides, I’ll grow,” you added, defensively.

“Doubt it,” Taemin muttered. You went to throw him a glare over your shoulder, but your breath hitched in your throat, suddenly feeling the need to drink the rest of your water.

Your boyfriend had leaned back on the couch, arms on either side of him. His legs were spread, almost lazily, and you couldn’t help but wonder how good his thighs would feel against your core. You couldn’t stop the small noise that escaped the back of your throat.

When his lips quirked upwards, you turned back around, hiding your heated face.

“W-Why do you have The Little Mermaid?” You asked in a small voice, trying to distract yourself from your dirty thoughts.

“Jonghyun-hyung’s older sister got me into it.”

You gasped as his lips grazed the back of your ear and his arms wrapped around your midriff. A shiver ran through your body as his fingers traced along your skin, before he pulled away to turn you around. You stared up at him, swallowing nervously. His lips were positioned in a soft smile, but his eyes were portraying something else. They were dark, gleaming like a starved lion.

“What?” You whispered, voice small. You were afraid if you talked any louder your voice would crack. “She likes this stuff?”

Taemin nodded, beginning to back you up against the wall.

“Sodam-noona loved fairy tales as a kid according to Jonghyun, but the darker versions make her nostalgic.”

Your back was fully pressed against the wall at this point, your boyfriend staring down at you with his arms next to your head. You remained silent this time, unable to form words. He cocked his head to the side slightly, as if he was waiting for something. It was then that you realised that he was waiting for your permission.

“Please kiss me,” you whimpered.

Within seconds, his lips were pressed against yours. He started slow, something you always adored about him. Taemin was never one to force, or to pressure. He let you go at your own pace, only doing things that you were comfortable with.

It was you who made it heat up when your tongue swiped against his lower lip in a teasing manner. He growled lowly, suddenly lifting your thighs off of the ground. You couldn’t help but moan against his hungry lips, allowing his tongue to slip inside of your mouth.

You let out a startled gasp/moan (you honestly couldn’t tell the difference) when Taemin’s hips suddenly thrusted against your core. He pulled away with wide eyes, setting you gently back on the ground before backing up away from you.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” he frowned. “I didn’t mean to take it that far. Fuck.”

Taemin began turning away from you with his hands clenched tightly into fists, but you grabbed his arm before he could get too far. He stopped, watching as you gently pried his nails away from the palm of his hand and brought it to your lips. You kissed the front of his wrist, then his palm, then his knuckles; all of which were feather light. You heard him take a shaky breath, eyes closing for a moment before he fixed them on yours.

“It’s okay, Taem.” You said softly. “I want this. I want you.”

For a heartbeat, it was silent, but then he nodded slowly. You waited with baited breath as he stalked back towards you again, but didn’t hesitate to wrap your arms around his neck when his lips engulfed yours for the second time.

This kiss was hungrier, rougher, faster than the first one. It stole your breath yet gave you life. It made you want to push him away for air yet pull him even closer. Your hands crawled under his shirt, fingering at the indents of his abdomen and smiling when Taemin released a moan against your lips. His lips left you for a brief moment so you could rid him of his shirt, but as soon as it was off, they were back on yours, Taemin pressing himself against you.

“Jump,” he mumbled, and you immediately did as he asked. Your boyfriend caught you at the vertex, and you felt him start walking. You didn’t know where, and you didn’t care, you were too caught up in how good his skin felt against yours. Taemin carried you into what you assumed to be his bedroom (how embarrassing would it be if it wasn’t) and placed you gently on the bed, climbing on top of you.

Taemin kissed the corner of your lips, your jaw, and your throat. You whimpered as his tongue found a particularly sensitive spot at the base of your neck, tilting your head to give him better access. You felt him smirk against your skin as he nipped at you. He pulled back to look at you, a loving smile gracing his lips. You nearly moaned at the sight alone. God, you loved this man.

His fingers gripped at the bottom of your t-shirt, tracing your skin delicately and gently. He looked into your eyes again, making sure you were positive you wanted this. “Please,” you whimpered, lashes fluttering.

That was all it took for him to pull the shirt over your head, leaving you in only your sports bra. You mentally cursed at yourself for not wearing something sexier, but Taemin didn’t seem to mind. He kissed your lower stomach gently as he pulled your leggings down your legs. You sucked in a breath as you felt your stomach erupt with butterflies at the thought of being bare in front of him; in front of anyone for the first time.

Noticing your insecurity, Taemin pressed his lips against the top of your forehead. He didn’t say anything, and he didn’t have to. Just that had comforted you alone. He then kissed you on the nose, causing you to giggle and scrunch it up. Finally, your boyfriend pressed a kiss onto your lips as he lifted your bra up over your shoulders then over your head.

You resisted the urge to cover yourself as his eyes raked over you, before returning to your eyes. “You’re ethereal,” Taemin ran his thumb over your lips as you bite down on it gently, removing it from your teeth’s grasp. “And you’re mine.”

“I’m yours,” you smiled softly.

He returned it, before moving back down the bed. Taemin placed himself eye-level with your panty-covered cunt, glancing back up to see you watching him with hooded eyes. He kissed your inner thigh gently as his lips made their way toward your core, before he placed an open-mouthed kiss directly where your clit was covered with material. You moaned softly, feeling even more of your wetness pool out.

Taemin hooked his thumbs into the waistband of your plain black panties, pulling them down your legs in one fell swoop. He took your right foot in his hands, pushing it up in the air, and began trailing his lips down the inner portion of it. You shifted in anticipation as he grew closer to you heat, placing your leg to rest on his shoulder.

When your boyfriend’s lips wrapped around your clit, you couldn’t help but clench around nothing as you whined loudly. He sucked on it experimentally, gaging for your reaction as his tongue swirled around the rosey bud. Your mouth fell open and you threw your head back into the pillows, silently pleading him to do more.

Taemin hummed around your clit in amusement, the vibration sending shockwaves through your body. You released a cry as his tongue circled your little hole and suddenly pushed into it, unfamiliar with the delicious sensation.

“Oh, fuck,” you moaned. You could feel him smirk slightly against your heat.

Your fingers found their way into his hair, tugging as he tongued at your soaked cunt. He groaned against it, another shock of pleasure running through you.

“So sweet, Princess,” He moaned. Your boyfriend brought his thumb up to your clit and began rubbing in fast, methodical circles, perfectly in sync with the thrusts of his tongue into the wetness of your pussy.

A knot in your stomach forming told you you were getting close. It felt so good, much better than anything your own fingers could ever do for you. Your whines and moans of pleasure became more frequent and higher pitched as you got closer and closer to the edge. Taemin, noticing this, sped his administration's up to have you reach it sooner.

And reach it you did.

Your vision went black as your mouth fell open in a silent scream, your legs squeezing Taemin’s head as they shuddered delightfully. He rode you through the entire thing, flicks of his tongue sending waves of pleasure through you even after your vision returned to you.

“Okay?” He asked softly, pecking your lips lovingly.

You moaned lowly at the taste of yourself, nodding your head quickly. “Perfect.”

Taemin grinned, trailing his hand over the expanse of your bare body. The feather-light touches had you shivering in pleasure, and you moaned out his name. “Please. I want you, so, so bad.”

His breath hitched as he searched your eyes for any sign of hesitation or doubt, thumb pulling at your lower lip. You couldn’t help but pull it fully into your mouth, sucking on it gently.

“Fuck,” Taemin growled, unable to stop his hips from slightly thrusting his crotch against your thigh. Your eyes widened at how big he felt. “You drive me crazy, Princess.”

He pulled away from you so he could pull his sweatpants and boxers off, stepping out of them and leaving him bare before you. You sucked in a breath as you eyed his length, wondering how that thing could possibly fit into you.

Swallowing thickly, your nervous gaze returned to his eyes as he climbed back towards you, hand caressing your bright red cheeks. “Are you sure? I don’t want to seem like I’m forcing you to do anything with me here, love. I want this to be your choice.”

“Yes,” You answered, without hesitation. “I want it to be with you. Only you.”

A look of pure happiness spread across his godlike features, and Taemin pressed his lips to yours as he lined himself up with your core. His kiss was gentle, full of love, and you felt your eyes tear up with emotion.

“I love you,” You whispered, looking into his eyes as your boyfriend rested his forehead against yours.

“I love you,” Taemin whispered back, eyes shining.

He began pushing himself in, slowly. Your breath hitched at the uncomfortable feeling, though it was in no way painful as the girls in your dorm had told you it was. Taemin stilled as he bottomed out, and you knew it was taking everything in him not to start moving.

“You can move,” You said finally, breathless as you basked in the scent of him.

Taemin kept his eyes locked with yours as he began to pull out slowly. Once the tip of his length was the only thing left inside of you, he pushed himself back in with more force. You both moaned.

His thrusts were slow, the both of you wanting to savor this moment. It was passionate, heated, sweaty, the room filled with the sounds of your love making. It was as if there was nothing else that existed in the world, it was just the two of you. Forever. Nothing else mattered, but your love for each other; nothing else mattered but the feeling of his length moving inside of you, connected to each other.

You wrapped your legs tighter around his waist, moaning especially loud when he hit a certain spot inside of you.

“Taem, right there. So good. God, please don’t stop,” You whined.

“Youㅡ You’re so tight. Fuck,” He groaned against your lips, and you moaned breathlessly.

You felt yourself getting closer as his thrusts became faster, unable to stop your eyes from rolling into the back of your head in pleasure.

“Open your eyes, Princess. I want to watch you fall apart.”

It was hard, but you managed to meet Taemin’s eyes as he continued to fuck himself into you, pussy squelching each time he was all the way in. “Cum for me.”

Your vision went black, ears ringing and muscles spasming. You didn’t even know if you moaned as loud as you thought you did, but you wouldn’t be surprised if the dorms lined up in this hall could hear it. Taemin held onto you tightly, head falling to your neck as he continued to help you ride out your orgasm.

As soon as you came down, he pulled out. You frowned, reaching for him as he moved away from you. “You didn’t cum.”

He shook his head softly, brushing his hair out of his eyes. “It’s okay, love. This was all about you.”

Your eyes narrowed stubbornly, struggling to sit up and crawl towards him. Your boyfriend’s eyebrows rose as you straddled his thigh. “That’s not fair for you, and you know it.” You took his swollen cock in your hands and his nose flared as he inhaled sharply. You giggled slightly as you began to stroke him, slick with your juices. “Let me take care of you, baby.”

You kissed him deeply as you run your hand over the entirety of his length, swiping your thumb over his leaking slit. Taemin moaned against your lips, and you smiled, pulling away to kiss at his throat. You nibbled when you found his sweet spot, pulling at the skin of his neck as your moved your wrist in a wringing motion around his cock.

“Fuck, you’re going to kill me someday.”

You couldn’t help but smirk proudly as you pulled away from him slightly. You traced the dark veins of his cock, other hand gripping onto his thigh as you grind yourself down on the one you are sitting on. Taemin twitched in your hand, reaching up to grab your free hand and lace it with his.

Hot white strands of his cum shoot onto your hand and stomach as he lets his head fall into the crook of your neck, grunting loudly. You realise how sore you are already as he pants, hair falling in front of his eyes as he looks up at you.

“I love you.”

Taemin’s lips quirk upwards.

“I love you, too. Let me get you cleaned up.”

Knowing he wouldn’t take no for an answer, you nod, leaning back into his pillows. You close your eyes as you feel him leave, a large smile appearing on your lips. That was amazing, especially because it was with him. Your heart fluttered with giddiness and you resisted the urge to giggle happily.

Your eyes opened again as Taemin entered the room again with a wet wash rag in his hand. You watch him lovingly as he carefully cleans the remnants of both of your releases off your thighs and hand. When he is finished he leaves again, this time more briefly as soon as you are wrapped up in his arms, back against his stomach.

The two of you lay there in silence. It was in no way awkward, but instead it was comforting.

It’s broken by your stomach.

Taemin pulls away and you sigh, knowing the lecture that’s coming.

“When is the last time you ate?”

You turn so you are facing him.

“I had a banana this morning.”

Taemin frowns, shaking his head. “You can’t keep doing this, love. You need energy.”

You look down, knowing he’s right, but not wanting to agree. SM employees told you that you needed to slim down before you could debut, so you went on a diet. Normally you wouldn’t care, but this was your dream. To debut, to be an idol, admired by many.

“I’m going to go make you a sandwich. Please stay here and rest.”

You would’ve protested, but he quickly shuts you up with a kiss. You pout to yourself as your boyfriend leaves his bedroom. “No fair.”

Despite your annoyance, you can’t help another smile blossoming upon your lips. Lee Taemin was ethereal.

And he was yours, just as much as you were his.

#taemin #lee taemin #superm #superm smut #taemin smut #shinee #kpop smut #kpop #shinee smut #exo #exo smut #nct #nct smut #smut #jonghyun #shinee minho #key smut #shinee key

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not-your-damsel · 3 years

Text

I Gotta Let it Out, Please Forgive Me Guys

I got a random message on Facebook messenger from my bestest friend from the tail end of middle school until onwards… or so I thought.

*Names have been changed for this… mess? I’m so sorry guys, I’m all over the place 😑 and this is kinda long so, head’s up

She was like a sister to me, we told each other any and everything. We wrote fan fics for *N’Sync before fan fics were even a goddamn thing, before there was a place to even post them! She made the life move from New Jersey to Pennsylvania bearable and then livable after having my whole life uprooted once again. My Mom and I always moved a lot when I was a child so I was always bouncing from school to school once I thought I was finally settled and was steadily making friends only to up and move again. That coupled with constantly having to go to the hospital because of my illness didn’t bode well for my learning abilities. I’m great at everything else now as an adult but don’t even come to me about math or I’ll spit on you, I don’t make the rules 🤷🏽‍♀️

However, once my Mom met my Sister’s father, our living situation somehow downgraded from living in a beautiful brownstone house to then living in a trailer in a trailer park. Please don’t take that as me shitting on trailer parks or folks who live in them. I just despise them because they immediately remind me of the verbal, mental abuse/gaslighting I endured when we lived there which continued into PA and the house we moved to there is all. My stomach churns when I pass by one as I immediately feel like I’m 10 again and about to be in trouble and grounded for the next tiniest thing he deemed wrong of me.

Anywho, we moved to PA when I was 12, my little sister having been born in NJ just before we left it to come here and I was livid. Leaving all my friends behind after finally having a taste of actually settling in and making friends and not moving away right after the fact only to pull the rug from under me and do it again. As an adult now, I get it. It’s safer here than where we’d been and the taxes rock, no tax on food or clothing or pharmaceuticals and also utilities for heat and shit and not to mention, a better school system.

And school is where I met my immediate bestie, around the second or third day being there, we had to swim for gym and since I didn’t know I had to sit out for the period where the other girls and I started talking about *N’Sync and she asked me who my face was, which was Lance and then she said hers was Justin Timberlake and that she fantasizes about him. Anyone who can tell me that right off the bat with the same energy as telling me what their favorite color or animal is has immediately won my friendship. Immediately.

That’s how we met, that’s how we rolled and we stayed joined at the hip throughout the rest of our school years together. We’d been through it all, crushes, familial loss, pet loss, watching mutual friends come and go or fuck each other over, and yet her and I remained as though we were born sisters. I never needed a whole entourage of people to call my friends. Whoever’s gonna hang with me, I love and appreciate and protect dearly and those who won’t that’s fine as well. But she was a constant in my life, we both were constantly in each other’s lives.

She provided an escape and safe haven away from my home when it got to be too suffocating to be within my own home because of my overbearing stepfather and I taught her how to appreciate and accept and play video games, specifically of the survival horror genre and we’d get together for a sleepover when a new release would come out and we wanted to get lost in stories and scream for dear life at perfectly crafted jump scares. She turned me on to being a drama kid since her and I were in chorus together being Soprano 1’s, and it turned out to be one of the most fun things I did in high school.

But time passes and we graduated. Sad as I was to be parting from everyone, we all began to scatter, coming together during breaks to party and catch up. After moved to Queens NY to be with my fiancé at the time and she was doing her own thing. Over time, life got in the way. There was no grand fight to speak of, no secretly harbored feelings of ill will or hatred, nothing of the sort. Which is why I’m left feeling so baffled over how what was meant to be a great reaching out and reconnecting moment ended up turning into me feeling angry, dejected and feeling as though maybe there were some things she never spoke to me about when she should’ve.

It started out great, happy to hear from her especially out of the blue since the times I tried to reach her would always fall through. We caught up with one another, as you do, and then the conversation turned from catching up to suddenly me being questioned about why I never contacted her. I explained everything that happened, how I tried several times apart from the yearly birthday wishes and such, and how I never got a reply back, that I assumed it meant she had a different phone number. How as the years passed more and more, my insecurities of no longer being wanted by her ran rampant and that maybe she had better people in her life. I apologized for that, seeing now that I was blinded by that insecurity and that was something for me to sort out. That and that life literally got in the way.

I told her everything as honest and truthful to the best of my ability because I’d never lie to her, never had and never would/will want to. I admitted to her that I’m definitely different from the last time she’s seen me and that I’m now utter shit with the phone. I personally think it’s a mix of my Major Depressive Disorder mixed with my anxiety that I prefer messaging over actually talking on the phone. But that’s not for my lack of trying to reach her over the years.

However, that wasn’t good enough for her though apparently. She kept pressing me and questioning if “I ignored her” because of scenario A, B or C. She said that. She literally said, “Did you ignore me because of…”. She started labeling despite me telling her what happened, putting words in my mouth. It got to the point that I was just repeating myself over and over because she kept interrogating me on the issue, bringing up weak reasons as though she just knew that was the “reason I dipped and left her in the wind” when meanwhile, when you look at which of us two was the last to try to contact the other through Facebook messenger, it shows it as me and before that all my attempts to reach her through something I knew she’d see my shit to her through and yet I was never answered.

I ended up saying to her, “Look, I don’t know what it is you’re wanting me to say here. I feel like you’re trying to get me to admit to something to please you but I’m not gonna do that because if I did, then I’d be lying to you and I’m not here for that. I told you everything on my end here, what has happened and that’s exactly what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t secretly hate you, I could never hate you. It wasn’t your fault about what happened with my ex and I at your party, I’ve never held you responsible for his cheating actions. He cheated on me with Stan, not you, so don’t think that has anything to do with you when you stuck up for me when we all found out the next morning. Please stop fishing for a conflict that’s not there.”

I don’t hear from her after a long while and I explicitly tell her that I want to talk about this more the next day because this isn’t right and I want to clear up whatever it is that she thinks is wrong, that I love her and to have a good night as it’s past 2am at that point. She proceeds to bring up past scenarios hours later while I’m well asleep and she knows this, guilt tripping me about how she was there for me whenever I needed to be in the hospital but that maybe I had forgotten what it meant to be best friends with her and she then blocks me on all socials knowing I can’t even fight for myself because I’m asleep. All socials save for one and that’s Insta.

I call her out on that shady bullshit and tell her that it’s absolutely unfair that I sat there and I was being an adult and admitting to my mistakes and apologizing for them only for her to push all the blame on me for not contacting her which we established that I had many times and not been acknowledged. I said, “The phone works 2 ways, Sadie, 2 ways. Do not sit there and act like you’re not to blame as well, especially when I’m here admitting fault and apologizing for it and you haven’t even bothered to claim some of that faulted responsibility. That’s fucked because if it were me having come to you, yet again, and this time you answered, I would’ve taken my part of the blame and admitted to my faults here as well, I wouldn’t’ve piled it all on you the way you did to me. I was honest with you and it seems that’s not what mattered to you, what mattered to you was putting untruths into my mouth to fit your narrative that “I hate you”, “that you never mattered to me” and so on. Again, not cool. Will it hurt to lose you? Absolutely, it’ll kill me to lose you permanently, but not at the expense of a lie you want so badly to be true.”

Not only that, but several times throughout this conversation, she would bring up something factual that happened, that she knew happened, only to turn around and say something snarky like, “I wouldn’t know what happened or I wouldn’t know about that because you never told me about it.” I sat there for a good moment afterwards, seriously questioning if she was drunk or high or a combo of the two and just crossfaded because it made no damned sense!!!

I’m not gonna lie, I’m truly hurt by all this. I cried happy tears when we first started talking because it had been so long, and then by the end of it, I was left baffled, hurt, confused, and feeling like I didn’t even know this person anymore and crying in a panic that this was all actually happening. That I somehow unknowingly became a villain to my own best friend, my sister. It still feels unreal, the whole thing was so all over the place, it gave me whiplash. I don’t know what to do and I apologize for putting a portion of me and my troubles on here, I just needed a safe space to vent and let loose because I’m warring with myself of if this is even still worth it with her because this feels so… icky. Like in my gut I can feel that this isn’t the same person I once knew and I’m only gonna find more upset, hurts and disappointment and that feeling causes even more hurt.

Idk guys, I’m tired and worn out. I cried a lot so that’s gonna and made me even more tired only with puffy, splotchy pinky/red rings around my eyes that now are sensitive to the touch from wiping them so much. But thank you for letting me do what I felt I needed to do and just let this mess out. I know it’s all over the place but I can’t even bring myself to fix anything if there’s errors and shit. Love y’all.

#man 😔#i don’t know anymore #damsel rants #damsel’s hurting #heartbroken 💔

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cultofbeatles · 4 years

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beginners guide to the beatles

made one of these a long time ago but i'm surprised by how short it was. so here we go again. doing it right this time lol.

pov: you told a bad joke and now the beatles are judging you.

john winston lennon. later in his life known as john winston ono lennon.

born on october 9, 1940

i believe in astrology bc how does john just happen to be a libra

when john was four he started living with his aunt mimi who acted more as his mother figure

his mother, julia, remarried and would visit him quite a bit.

it was julia who taught john how to play banjo and piano. and she bought his first guitar.

they both had a deep love for music and rock n roll

he never really thought of her as his mother but more as a cool friend i suppose

aunt mimi was more rough on him and did the disciplining

his father was never really present growing up and his uncle passed away when he was young

he thought he was a curse for the men in his family

he had five half siblings. two of them, julia and jacqueline, he was pretty close to. the other three he barely knew.

fashion icon.

hated school but loved art

very early on he was insecure with himself

teachers always shit on him and said he would go nowhere in life

he met paul at a church fete on july 6, 1957

paul taught him how to play guitar properly.

once told paul that he didnt know how paul carried on after his mother died bc he just didn't think he could do it

john’s mother died from being hit by an off duty policemen. john was seventeen at the time.

he took her death really hard and became a bit of a recluse.

first serious relationship was with cynthia (we stan her)

once cynthia cut her hair short and he didn't talk to her for two days.

hate men. kill all men.

when he asked her to dance at a party she turned him down saying that she was engaged, and so he said “well i didn't ask you to fucking marry me, did i?”

slapped her once bc he was drunk and another boy was talking to her.

only time her hit her.

read cynthia’s books about john pls. i beg.

once a psychic told him that he would be shot in the states.

founder of the beatles and also came up with the name.

instruments he could play: guitar, harmonica, rhythm guitar, banjo, keyboard, piano, saxophone, bass guitar, and a little drums.

main songwriter in the beatles along with paul.

was more open minded to change in the beatles music.

was insecure in his relationship with paul after a while bc he thought he only needed him for songwriting.

would bitch about paul all day long but the second anyone else said something about him he’d be on their ass.

had a lot of issues and needed a good hug.

suffered from eating disorders, drug addictions, depression, insecurities, and questioned his sexuality bc of the time.

was super open minded and ahead of his time in many instances.

once he was called “the fat beatle” and after that he stopped eating as much.

truly loved his first son, julian lennon, and would buy him presents all the time bc he was excited to see him play with them.

“your famous ex husband”

he enjoyed playing monopoly.

he once claimed that he saw a ufo.

he had written three books but he always wanted to write a children's book.

the last song he ever performed in front of a live audience was “i saw her standing there.” with elton john.

he was afraid of the dark.

found out later in his life that he was dyslexic.

was also legally blind without glasses.

never could catch a break huh.

said that his best lyric ever was “all you need is love” i agree.

the first time yoko and john met was not at her art exhibit but actually when she approached him about giving away songs for free.

wanted to write a musical with paul.

once a friend dared him to masturbate ten times in one day and he managed to do it nine times.

would hold circle jerks with paul and a few other friends.

just dudes being dudes.

went on a holiday with brian epstein, who was gay, and told some people afterward that they did certain sexual things. but we will never know for sure.

yoko says that john was bisexual.

once in an interview he said that he would of married a rich man or woman if he wasn't in the beatles.

hated his voice on records. would always ask for effects on his voice for final recordings.

made a film with yoko where it was just his penis going from flaccid to erect for fifteen minutes in slow motion.

only beatle not to of become a vegetarian while he was alive.

murdered on december 8, 1980.

gave his autograph earlier in the day to the man who would murder him.

died at the age of 40.

“all my loving” was played while he was at the hospital.

and its spooky bc a lot of times in interviews he would say “when i'm 40..”

and it’s sad bc he was finally becoming who he truly wanted to be.

honorable john moments that i love:

“thanks for the purpler hearts” he says while receiving the silver heart

“you are the first person from liverpool that i've ever seen” “great”

eric lennon on my mind today

this come together performance where he messed up the lyrics lol

that interview where paul was sick and john keep checking on him

john lennon speaking nothing but facts

when he said that he could see the beatles going separate ways but that they'd always come back together.

SHUT UP

“shut up while he’s talking..”

this interview breaks my heart sometimes

and this interview is great as well

sir james paul mccartney

born on june 18, 1942

if you ever have spare time just check out this man’s natal chart.

idk how he’s still alive with his chart tbh.

he has a younger brother named mike and a step sister named ruth.

his dad thought he was the ugliest baby he’d ever seen when he was born.

when he was young paul would kill frogs in a way to prepare himself for the war if he ever was drafted.

the first instrument he ever learned to play was the trumpet.

I don't even want to list every instrument this man can play but trust me when I say it’s a lot.

but for the beatles he mainly did bass, vocals, and piano. sometimes playing the guitar and the drums.

the beatles was just paul moving really, really fast.

he lost his mother when he was 14 due to surgery for breast cancer.

never really learned how to cope well with loss of a loved one tbh.

had the cutest chubby cheeks as a kid tbh

met john and was accepted into his band

sometimes they'd ditch school together and either work on music or would visit art galleries.

went to paris with john and john bought him all the banana milkshakes that he wanted.

connected over their love and admiration for music, and bc they had both lost their mothers.

had a girlfriend’s mom who he would make comb his leg hairs.

was an ass to his first girlfriend.

kill all men again.

almost had to marry his girlfriend dot bc she was pregnant, but she ended up losing the baby.

was the one who introduced george harrison to john.

practically despised pete best and stuart stutcliffe bc they were bringing the group down.

got arrested along with pete best bc they lit a condom on fire in hamburg.

still felt awful and a little guilty when stuart died suddenly.

main force behind the beatles imo.

without him we’d have not as much beatles music as we do.

was dating jane asher throughout majority of the sixties.

when they first met they talked about syrup and paul fell in love.

they broke things off after she walked in on him sleeping with another woman though.

directed magical mystery tour and it was amazing and I don't care what anyone says ok?

when john divorced cynthia he was the only one not scared of john and went against his wishes of not speaking to cynthia.

was a little controlling at times.

has a good heart though.

mal evans had to drive him home once after a beatles sessions bc he was crying so hard.

was talking about getting the band back to touring when john said he was leaving the group.

everyone kind of turned against him when the beatles were breaking up and i hate it.

he just wanted what was best for the band.

married linda and had a nice little farm.

we love that story.

linda i'm free thursday if you want to hang out pls.

started up the whole “no meat monday” thing where you don't eat monday on mondays

food meat. not the other kind of meat.

children: james mccartney, stella mccartney, heather mccartney, mary mccartney, and beatrice mccartney.

rip martha.

WINGS!!

he lost linda in 1998 due to cancer.

cried for a whole year bc of it.

still has dreams about john and says they're nice.

wrote a sad song about john called “here today.”

really loved john. like..he truly, genuinely did.

want someone to love me like paul does john.

“think of me every now and then old friend.”

honorable paul moments:

his story about george’s dad

“john? he was beautiful. very beautiful.”

humpty dumpty rap

another story about him and george.

his google search video that I watch every week

this

george harrison

born: February 24, 1943

or at least we think

bc he use to say that his birthday was february 25, but later started saying it february 24.

why can't we change our birthdays its not like we picked it

he was the youngest child.

baby of the family and of the beatles awwww

two older brothers named harry and peter. one older sister named louise.

when george’s mom was pregnant with him she’d play sitar music.

his mom was super supportive of his career choice

when he was 16 he worked as an electricians apprentice.

his dad kind of hoped he would start a family business out of it.

george said nah

would ride the bus opposite way of his house just to spend time with paul

headbutted a kid bc he didn't think they were worthy of paul’s friendship

was brought into the band bc of paul insisting to john

would follow john around like a lost puppy when he first met him

once had an eight hour erection. don't ask me how idk he said it.

was 17 when he lost his virginity and the other band members were in the room watching and cheered him when he finished

most sex craved beatle tbh

once walked into a girls dressing room and asked if they could stand there so he could masturbate

he was the first beatle to go to america

got a black eye for defending ringo once

would make john and paul take turns sharing rooms with ringo when he first joined the band so that he felt more welcomed

when ringo left during the white album and then came back george decorated the studio with flowers for him

during the beatles first recording session he told george martin that he didn't like his tie

became a vegetarian at 22

favorite candy was jelly beans and purple was his favorite color

used the phrase “grotty” in the hard days night movie, hated it, but everyone else picked up on the slang

met his first wife, pattie boyd, on the set of a hard days night

was turned down by her at first

they married in 1966

wouldn't let her do modeling stuff and was kind of an ass

a stylish couple but not the best image for a healthy relationship

got into eastern religion around 1965

during the Hamburg days he would eat chicken on stage

had an affair with ringo’s first wife maureen

got a divorce from pattie in 1977

in 1978 he married olivia who he stayed with until his death and had one son with. dhani.

was the first beatle to hit a number one single and album.

was buddies with led zeppelin

inspired their “rain song”

smashed a piece of cake on john bonham’s head and then was thrown into the pool by him

he financed and produced films. had a production company.

tom petty said that george never shut up once you started talking to him

but he was often referred to as “the quiet beatle”

formed another band called the traveling wilburys

he’d answer questions online in the 2000′s and it’s the cutest thing ever and his answers break my heart too.

“what do you miss most about john lennon?” “john lennon.”

in 1999 a schizophrenic person broke into his house and stabbed him 40 times

thank god olivia was there bc she was the only braincell in the room

had to get a part of his lung taken out

died november 29, 2001 from lung cancer

ashes were scattered into the ganges river

honorable george moments:

this interview he did with ringo

“i'm sad bc i can't play guitars with john anymore. but i did that...i know we’ll meet again some day.”

when he invented reaction videos

“the wind was blowing.” “..blowing my girl?”

“what kind of girl do you like?” “john’s wife.”

sir richard starkey aka ringo starr

born on july 7, 1940

oldest member in the group

has no siblings

naturally was left handed but his grandma thought it was bad luck so he writes right handed, and plays drums with a right handed kit

but does everything else left handed

when he was 6 he fell into a two month coma

was a very sick child

when he was 13 he was in the hosiptal for tuberculosis and formed a hospital band

grew up poor

loves and looked up to his stepfather a lot

his step father bought him his first drum kit in 1957

wasn't that great in school bc he missed so much of it from being so sick

he worked for a britain railway for a while

also served drinks on a day boat for a job

loves dancing

Rory storm and the hurricanes

got his nickname from all the rings he would wear

replaced pete best as the beatles drummer

dealt with people hating him for a bit bc they liked pete more

had to style his hair in a bowl cut to be in the band and i'm still mad at them for making him do that shit

ringo i'm so sorry

george martin didn't really like his drumming and had a session drummer come in for the first album

in 1964 he had tonsillitis, pharyngitis, and high fever all at once and had to be in the hospital for a bit.

was worried the beatles would replace him for good

he’s a cancer don't worry

was the first beatle to try weed

drummers always go first huh

married his first wife, maureen, in 1965

she kissed paul, ringo, and george.

what a champ

honeymoon was ruined by reporters

was really insecure in his relationship and needed a lot of reassurance

had a great relationship with pretty much all the beatles

but a great one with john

john felt his most relaxed when he was with ringo

was once in a movie with roger daltrey

divorced maureen in 1975

his wife now is barbara bach who he married in 1981

had alcohol problems

once gotten so drunk that he beat barbara so badly that he thought he killed her

put himself into rehab after that

barbara lowkey looks like jan from the office

children: zak, lee, and jason

zak is the drummer for the band the who

peace and love

but don't send me fan mail anymore

peace and love

ringo starr and the allstar band (starting 1981)

was the narrator for thomas the tank engine

will play at paul’s concerts sometimes now for fun

mad bc he came on stage during paul’s last concert show and it was on my birthday and I couldn't go to it

honorable ringo moments:

“do you want me to come with you?”

stupid barbara walters

talking about paul

giving us a little dance

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ethanramseyyy · 4 years

Text

Open Heart Second Year: Chapter 14

Wow, this chapter was really something special. I mean we went to a freakin’ ski lodge with our husband. I couldn’t think of anything more perfect to be honest. Unfortunately, the beginning of the chapter wasn’t the happiest of moment. Our baby Esme, I feel so bad for her. I am praying that she is going to be okay, maybe MC could give her some tips on how to fight a court case as we all know MC will have some great tips after what we went through with Mrs Martinez. I am so glad we saw Zaid again because we haven’t seen too much of him. I am still hoping for a scene with Baz annoying Zaid because they would make such a good duo. Also this is random but did anyone else notice the font change on the character’s names, it caught me so off guard.

I have mixed emotions about how I feel about Mitch and the name calling. Part of me thinks he deserves it but also a part of me things that it is a bit harsh because you can see he is trying to make Sienna feel better. But then again he did treat her like rubbish. But him later quitting because of the nickname ‘Puddle’ is quite sad!

Rafael, we all know I think he is one of the sweetest characters in the book. I didn’t play the diamond scene with him because I didn’t have a lot of diamonds but I am sure it was beautiful. I really hope he starts working at the hospital again because the Raf stans deserve it after what they have been through.

I literally said in my post about chapter 12 that I wanted to see the Ramsey family back together to try and work through their issues, and even though we didn’t get that in this chapter I have a feeling it might be coming in the next chapter. It was nice to see Ethan’s dad again, hopefully his character becomes more relevant in the coming chapters because I think it would be interesting to see MC and Alan bond more. Also it reminded me how much Ethan looks like his dad, I didn’t notice it before but wow!

I thought it was so sad that Ethan was almost scared to let his mother in again because he thinks she is going to leave again. His relationship with his family is so complicated and I think choices are doing a good job showing that not all families are perfect. When Ethan said we were going to a SKI RESORT, I screamed. This is basically our first outing as a ‘married couple’ or whatever we are at this point and let me tell you I thoroughly enjoyed it. We have gotten some quality Ethan content recently and I am here for it!

Jackie. I am so glad that she finally told us what she was going through. Not going to lie when Elijah said she was on the roof I was scared. I did not know what to expect. The fact she felt bad for being a good doctor and making sure they got the best and most reliable care just shows how good she is as a person. I know that she said a part of her felt bad because she wanted the extra money but honestly I don’t blame Jackie in the slightest. Let me know what you think about Jackie and the decision she made.

Baz’s ski outfit has to be one of the cutest things. I love this man so much. He does not get enough appreciation at all. Now I might be wrong but the inside of the ski lodge looked almost identical to the scene with Naveen, Ethan and MC when Naveen was ill. I might be completely wrong but it looks the exact same to me. Or at least very similar. I was so ready to hear some High school Ethan stories from Rodney I am not going to lie. But I genuinely thought Rodney was about 20 so when he said he went to high school with him, I spat out my drink. I think Timothy and Paula’s storyline was so heartbreaking. To show a young boy trying to understand his mom’s bipolar disorder by himself is so so sad.

I am so annoyed we didn’t get a sneak peak of Ethan in his ski outfit. I was so expecting a diamond scene with MC and Ethan skiing in the resort investigating the scene. I feel like that was a missed opportunity from choices but anyways. I really enjoyed the scene between Baz and MC. I feel like we don’t really see MC and Baz together outside of the hospital, so it was really sweet to find out a little bit more of his character and relationship with Zaid.

GUYYYSSSS!!!

Try telling me that the scene between Mc and Ethan weren’t the cutest. You can’t. They were perfect. The way Ethan just keeps opening up to Mc is everything we have ever wanted. It is amazing. ‘Why would I want to be alone when I could be with the woman I spend every night longing for’. Did you hear that everyone? He spends every night thinking about Mc. He wanted to be with us for so long but kept denying it, just imagine him being in bed by himself thinking about Mc. I can not deal. The section where he pulled us onto the sofa and we leaned back into his chest melted my heart. Their relationship is the purest thing. And to top it all off they started playing make belief with each other. When I tell you I cried. I need them to move in with each other now please. Imagine the scenes we would get with them leaving the hospital together. I would die. Literally and Hypothetically. I’m not going to go into too much information about THE scene between Mc and Ethan but just know it was amazing. To say it wasn’t a 30 diamond scene it was graphic. Legendary if you ask me.

I was so shocked that Bryce’s sister came back into the story. I thought they had forgotten about her and that storyline. I didn’t buy the diamond scene with them because like I said before I don’t have a lot of diamonds but I think that it was good that they incorporated her again. Hopefully Bryce finds a healthy balance between work and helping his sister because he deserves to become the best surgeon he can.

Like I said earlier, finding out that Timothy was giving his mum mood stabilizers because of her bipolar disease broke me. It made me realize that there are so many children out there suffering from the same situation by themselves with little to no help. I think it’s amazing that choices is shedding light on situations like these. You could tell that the situation between Timothy and his mother really touched Ethan as he decided to go and see his mum. The interaction between Ethan and Mc was so sweet and you can tell how much her truly treasures her.

I really enjoyed this chapter, it developed so many different storylines. Let me know what you thought about this chapter and what happened during the diamond scenes if you played them. Thanks for all the support, I appreciate it so much.

#choices #open heart #playchoices #ethan ramsey #openheart #ethanramseyyy #ethanramsey #choicesoh #dr ethan ramsey #ethanramseyxmc

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junewild · 3 years

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tags masterpost

a couple of people have complimented me on my new tag system and a couple of people have asked me what tags go to what sort of content, so i thought i’d write up a little masterpost of what the tags mean, where they came from, and why they’re important to me! you’ll even get a sneak peek at a few tags that are very rare or have yet to be used 👀. this will be linked in my carrd when i get around to it. i’ve even tried to alphabetize them 😅 thanks for expressing interest, it’s very lovely of you all xoxo

#and i am close behind — home tag

a continuation of “the wild geese are heading home again” which is my nature tag. just for everything that makes me feel like i am coming home.

#and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart — quotes and words tag

from a poem by e.e. cummings. “and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart / i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)”. words are just hearts speaking to each other, after all.

#and i was like *screams* — space tag

from the jenny slate drunk history nasa episode, because she somehow manages to sum up fully 80% of my feelings about the universe in that one sentence

#angstposting — disordered thoughts tag

literally just stream-of-consciousness breakdown-posting. probably block this tag. i go back and clean it out after every breakdown.

#but they are all good stories — media analysis/literature critique tag

hilary mantel (whose work i have never read) wrote that “some of these things are true and some of them lies. but they are all good stories.” anyway, that’s how i feel about taking apart stories and narratives and looking at them from the outside.

#can you not hear the ocean in me — mental health and disorders tag

the non-breakdown version. from this poem, which i can’t find anyone but i think is a deleted inkskinned or caitlyn siehl one:

“i am alive;

can you not hear the ocean in me;

are you not aware of the war i am fighting ;

i am alive ;

you cannot take that from me”

#checkmate nihilism — crafts tag

higgsboshark wrote a lovely post about how knitting is a great treatment for existential dread & now that’s all i think about every time i’m crafting. checkmate, nihilism. look at this thing that i am making with my hands. it exists and it will change someone’s life.

#dumbposting — misc tag

for tag games and dumb comments and things that don’t fit in anywhere else.

#fashion is instant language — fashion/body art tag

okay. IS this a cliche prada quote? yes. but also, one of my first classes in college was about art & society & the first thing that we learned was that the human body is the first & most primal canvas. what you do with your body is a statement, a language you are sharing with the people around you. i get very emotional about it.

#felt rather than seen — poetry tag

YES i am a BASIC WHITE GIRL, thank you. the first half of the da vinci quote. “poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen / “

#fill your arms with the pink and white flowers — spring aesthetic tag

from one of mary oliver’s slightly less well known poems.

“do you also hurry, half-dressed and barefoot, into the garden, and softly

exclaiming of their dearness,

fill your arms with

the pink and white flowers,

with their honeyed heaviness, their lush trembling, their eagerness

to be wild and perfect for a moment, before they are nothing

forever”

#get in good trouble — activism/politics tag

are you really living if you aren’t making trouble for someone? write more letters. leave more voicemails. go to protests. join a mutual aid group. donate. there’s something you can do, even if it’s small.

#i am building a world that is worth living for — moral living tag

slightly different from the activism tag bc this is more about what you/i can do in everyday life to make the world a better place. these are my own words, reminding me that to stay alive i have to build my own life and live in it.

#i care to look on the outside like i do on the inside — gender/ sexuality tag

maggie stiefvater is a poet.

#i have a magpie mind — happy tag

laurie graham’s version of the quote goes “i have a magpie mind, by which i mean i see and hear little things - photos, fragments of conversation - and store them away for future use,” and that’s what this tag is. just a lot of lovely things that i want to look back on.

#i think i was a selkie in a past life — ocean/beach/selkie myth tag

someday i’m going to walk into the ocean and never come out again. j promised he would take me to a warm ocean where i can stand in chest-deep waves until i can’t stand any longer and i’ve never looked forward to anything so much in my life.

#i wrote my own deliverance — creation/writing tag

this is not an admission of guilt. hamilton has a lot of words in it and these happen to be very nice.

#it would be a merrier world — food tag

because tolkien was right.

#laughter for no cause — humor tag

funny things. half of a quote by louise glück.

#let the wilderness engulf us again — discourse tag

i believe this is by christa wolf. anyway this is how i feel when i read Discourse. let’s all just get swallowed by the wilderness. who needs civilization anyway.

#loveposting — affection tag

look, i’m just really gay and happy and i love my followers and my mutuals. let’s move on

#nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it — memory/emotion tag

yes, i have read everything ever written by l m montgomery, why do you ask?

#offspring of heaven firstborn — light tag

constantly debating about whether i should change this one. i just have too many quotes about light. and too many posts about light. and too much love for light. this one is by milton, from the third book of paradise lost, and i memorized the entire chapter as a teenager because my “history” “class” believed in memorization as a form of education.

#our bodies are meant to hold other bodies — sex/eros tag

from that little comic by grendelmenz (?). i KNOW it’s about cannibalism i DON’T care don’t @ me to love is to consume

#seen rather than felt — painting/visual art tag

and here’s the other half of the da vinci quote.

#she stood in desperate music wound — music and playlists tag

from “a crazed girl” by yeats. tbh i usually lie upside down in my bed in desperate music wound but this poem kept me going as a teenager

#simply because the world is beautiful — misc tag

i just think the world is lovely and i am glad to be alive in it. this is where the rest of the assorted content goes.

#someday you will be old enough to read fairytales again — fantasy/gaming/scifi tag

cs lewis got one thing right.

#stardust will turn into kindness — joy tag

okay. okay i am still weeping about this man and his chickens. this tag is for every small creature who brings me delight. https://everychickdeservesamother.com/2019/08/17/all-the-good-there-is/

#thank god for the months after may — summer aesthetic tag

i haven’t listened to ben rector since i was seventeen but this is a good quote anyway and summer flowers are the thing that keep me going through the winter.

#the first sign of civilization is a healed femur — civilization/altruism/kindness tag

paraphrase of the famous (possibly apocryphal) margaret meade quote. i saw a criticism of it by the green brothers, who were like “but lots of people/animals show altruism without any connection to civilization (eg buildings and cities and record keeping systems)” and i deeply disagree with them. civilization doesn’t require monuments, only people coming together to build (metaphorically) something bigger than they could have done as individuals. humans aren’t the only ones on that path, just the ones who’ve gotten the furthest down it.

#the great sweeping wind — autumn aesthetic

yes i am a shameless l m montgomery stan. anne of green gables is my kindred spirit.

#the quick and the dead — fungi tag

from the bible. you know. we all sin, we’re all alive or dead or both. fungi don’t care.

#the race that knows joseph — kindred spirit tag

haven’t gotten to use this one yet. looking forward to when i do.

#the wild geese are heading home again — nature tag

shortened version of mary oliver’s poem.

#there is a history in all men’s lives — history/natural history/anthropology tag

shakespeare knew how to use words. everything is history and i am excited about ALL of it. when will someone admit me into a grad school???

#we are the children of an indifferent universe — community/fandom tag

but, like colin meloy says, we are also the inheritors of a wonderful world. i think it’s amazing how we look at the universe around us and build communities and find meaning out of sheer spite. also i have got to refine this tag set better i can’t just shove ALL fandom content into one tag. stay tuned

#we don’t love this world without reason — awe/joy tag

from catadromously’s comic. this is for things that make me go “oh.” when i see them.

#we shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us — architecture/interior design tag

churchill can have one right. architecture is one of my favorite art forms & interior design is something i love looking at and doing. someday i’ll even be able to afford it.

#we will be better than we were — recovery tag

from (yet another) caitlyn siehl poem that reads:

“love is quiet love whispers “it is okay, we will be better than we were” and we are. we are.”

and we are.

#within me; an invincible summer — winter aesthetic tag

albert camus wrote that: “in the midst of winter, i found there was, within me, an invincible summer. and that makes me happy. for it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.” winters are hard for me, but i hang on anyway.

#you have no idea the joy that is coming — love tag

guess who this quote is by? if you guessed caitlyn siehl, you are correct.

#you pull out the wild in me - feral aesthetic

not feral, just… wild. i don’t know. i don’t think i made this quote up but i can’t find it anywhere else so maybe i did. i’m guessing it’s now-deleted inkskinned or bonemeadows.

#you’ve got to be kind — misc humans tag

kurt vonnegut. because yeah. we’ve got to be kind. that’s the only rule. we’re just humans and we have to be kind.

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kihyunswrath · 4 years

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A reminder that I’ve been planning to write since MX’s latest anniversary vlive aired:

Idols gaining weight is not a discourse we should ever be having.

Their weight and overall bodily appearance should not be a topic we ever mention, not even passingly, not even when we mean it as a compliment, because it can easily come across as a comparison between group members and their physique (that has already led to someone in MX having severely disordered eating patterns, so). Sometimes there’s a real reason to believe an idol is suffering from an eating disorder and is severely underweight without it being acknowledged by their company/group members, and that might need to be addressed because it can have negative consequences to fans’ health too, and even then we should be careful about the word choices we make. This is not about that though, I’m talking about Jooheon’s weight gain and the very obvious discomfort he had while it was accidentally brought up in the vlive.

Now I haven’t seen anyone bring it up even once in this fandom and I’ve been pretty happy about that, because I assumed that would mean people either do not even notice such things or do not care either way, and that’s the attitude we should of course have. But apparently someone has been making a fuckton of commentary, because I have not seen him this pissed off often, if ever before. It seriously ruined the mood for a long time, and although I’m happy for him defending his own boundaries, the thing is: this was not a very appropriate moment to bring it up, especially when it was clearly about a misinterpretation of words and not a direct insult. Korean language sometimes makes it confusing to know who has said something to whom, because pronouns are used less often than in other languages, so one sentence can be understood in different ways depending who you assume is the subject or “the voice speaking”, and who’s the target or object of the sentence. Jooheon was talking about taking his cat to a vet and the vet saying that the cat was overweight, whereas Minhyuk incorrectly assumed the cat was saying that about Jooheon himself. I 100% thought Minhyuk was asking about it because he found the idea of a cat opening his mouth and talking to a human being hilarious and that’s it. But Jooheon flipped the table fast as fuck because he clearly thought Minhyuk was making fun of his weight gain after the hiatus.

To me, that obviously means it’s been brought up 99 times and this was the 100th time already, so Jooheon was officially not having it anymore. Which is... well, he clearly agreed with the sentiment that he needs to lose weight (apparently) and that he’s in the process of doing so, and that’s unfortunate, because he looks perfectly healthy and should not do shit if he doesn’t actually want to. But at least he was loudly standing behind himself and telling whoever the fuck was listening that he is done with people who body-police him like it’s their fucking job. Even when it’s just a snide “joke.”

Which I can obviously tell is something way too many people have been doing to him. Maybe some of them are the other MX members (and it potentially being the other members like Minhyuk, does not make it fucking okay, don’t @ me with the “but they’re friends” argument), or even Starship staff, I don’t know. But considering he was right in front of the cameras, live, and instructed to build a silly-happy anniversary party atmosphere, I don’t think I’m mistaken if I assume that a whole lot of it was actually directed toward us fans.

In short, their faces and bodies are none of our business. They do not owe us healthy diets, beautiful faces or even a good health in general. We can’t ask them to change themselves, because they owe us fucking nothing. Not their money, not their time, not their energy, not their consideration. We might pay for their career, but we do it because we are paying for the stuff they have already made, not because we think we can tell them what to do in the future. And we for sure are not entitled to constantly remind them of whatever insecurities they might have. Weight topic is an obvious one, because so many people’s lives are negatively impacted or downright destroyed due to ridiculous anorexic beauty standards. But it does apply to everything else, too. It applies to everything starting from body proportions, muscle size and skin color to height differences, lisps, laughter sounds and voice tones. A good rule of thumb: if it can’t be fixed under 5 minutes, don’t fucking mention it. Ever.

And frankly? Fuck yes Jooheon, say what you need to say, even if that means standing up against your best friend who knows you by heart and who would take a bullet for you. We need idols being pissed off much more than we need them apologizing for every little fucking thing they do, or even worse, are rumored to have been doing (*cough Wonho cough*). I stan scary, fierce and angry idols 24/7, and I love them silencing fucked-up discourse.

Not every idol is as outspoken as our brave ass warrior Jooheon, and none of them would say those words to us fans face to face. But believe me, they would fucking love to. So let’s remember this moment of clarity, this sudden change of mood and honest feedback, the next time we are about to write some juicy tea about a body part x we have oPinIonS about. Let’s keep in mind that a whole lot of repeated commentary we say to our idols makes them want to punch us in our fucking faces, and that a lot of the time, we’d deserve that 100%.

#monsta x #monstax #jooheon #minhyuk #vlive #changkyun #shownu #hyungwon #kihyun #mine #edited: typos

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btxtreads · 4 years

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ANOTHER TAG ASHJHJASD

extra long tag game (aka a tmi that no one particularly cares for)

tagged by @txthearteu

tagging @markhyucknorenminchenji @qtsoobin @beomberry @txtdiaries and other people who wanna do it idk

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

of course, none other than king943 hSJADJSAJHAS. He’s a little secret I’ll let you all in on: the first person I actually noticed in TXT was,,,,,,, Kang Taehyun hSDHJAHJSDAHSA but he wasn’t my bias. I just thought he was cute (also amused me bc my BTS bias was Taehyung and I found a guy named Taehyun cute), but I didn’t stan them then. I started stanning when I saw ONE DREAM.TXT where they talked to BTS and found them really cute and endearing. Looking into them, they were wild, and chaotic and so fun and also i got rEAAAALLY attached to Soobin. So here I am. There u go, my stanning story.

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

becoming a famous actress or singer hJSHADJSA

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

Went to a theme park. I miss going to theme parks 🥺

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

hmmm most of the time i just go out with just my phone and money unless I need to bring a bag due to safety concerns/more items needed. So I’d say nothing unconventional.

favourite type of plushies and why?

God do I seem boring hsahsajjsa but i wasn’t too big on plushies. I had a gigantic teddy bear named Justin when I was a kid (it’s a bear with shades that my brother gave me) and I used to buy plushies whenever I’m in disneyland, it’s all in my sister’s reading lounge. The only plushie in my room now is a Mollang doll wearing like a blue shirt/dress, it’s my favorite rn It’s squishyyyy

favourite song right now?

right now, it’s Work It by Sabrina Carpenter.

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

Dancing (i literally suck. i have no idea how. no joke), Vocal Lessons (had some lessons briefly for like a year but i stopped and want to take some again), music production, acting, hosting

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

ok okok so one time in our class groupchat we were talking about class elections for officers. There were muse votes and some people were saying they want me to be the muse but i didnt want to bc i was busy with work. Then they started saying that they want me to be the muse and this guy that i rejected be the escort. while this is happening, i was simping hard for soobin in another chat. anyways, i got everything mixed up and accidentally sent the soobin simp stuff to the class chat and everyone thought i was simping for the classmate i rejected i was so asHAMED.

headphones or speakers? why?

speakers! idk i just like blastic the music loud.

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

anything with cheese

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

spotify since its free for me askjjksad someone pays for my subscription lmaooo

😌✌️

questions from cj to me:

android or apple? why?

APPLE because im loyal 😌 and i guess im just used to it so its easier to use for me + all my gadgets at home are mac

words of affirmation or physical affection? why?

I think there should be a good balance of both. The words will have the ability to give you this sense of comfort and satisfaction and you know just overall a peace of mind when you hear the right words??? and physical affection bc sometimes it’s just better to get a hug or a kiss isntead of talking yk? actions speak louder than words sometimes

bean bag or rocking chair? why?

Honestly, this would depend. If I’m reading a book and feeling very vintage with a hot cup of coffee, definitely a rocking chair. If I’m watching TV and basically just chilling I’d go for Bean Bag. I like maintaining the atmosphere.

do you view a half-filled glass as half-full or half-empty or an in-between? why? (go as deep as you can)

I view it as in-between, because there’s always room for improvement. There’s always things to change, and consider, and make better. There’s no such thing as perfect.

If someone were to grant your wish right now, what would it be and why?

Please stop corona right now and let everyone go back to their daily lives and please let me attend a TXT concert bls im begging on my kNEES

if someone were to give you anything you want right now, what would it be and why? (something that can be held)

Give me Soobin I just want to give him a hug. this is valid i can hold him

favorite season and why

Winter! Even if I’ve never experienced snow or winter before, the whole idea of snow is just really fun and endearing to me. One of my bucketlists is to see snow in real life. I think it has to do with the fact that I’ve always been this person to prefer the cold over heat.

what made you enter tumblr?

I’ve always been here! Just not in kpop tumblr. I’ve since deleted my old accounts and shame but i came back to write. It’s always been so stress-relieving to me, to write without any expectations on my back because I’m thinking about grades or a competition. Also Soobin simping is a daily thing and I gotta release it somewhere man

are you happy with where you are in life right now? why or why not?

Yes. I may not be the richest or the prettiest, or smartest or whatever, but I have a good family that loves me. I have good friends that support me and I have TXT and BTS to help me cope when things get overwhelming. I have a job that gives me a little bit of income (it’s not too common for college students here to get jobs like in the US, most of them just focus on acads) and all the means to continue my education amidst the pandemic. So really, I’m grateful for where I am now.

to see the boys in real life but for it to happen only once in your lifetime, or to meet the boys via online fan meeting as many times as you can in your lifetime? why?

Why do you have to do me dirty cj,,,,, prolly online. I may not get to hug them or anything but I get to talk to them still. As may times as I want to. And as a girl whose sanity literally just depends on Soobin giggles rn it’ll be very therapeutic to me to see them and talk to them as much as I could, even just through a screen.

QUESTIONS FROM ME TO YOU:

Cinema or Netflix? Why?

Fire or Rain? Why?

What’s the worst experience you’ve had as a KPOP stan?

How do you handle stress?

Favorite Disney Princess and why?

Which fictional character do you say you relate the most to?

How did you get into KPOP?

What kind of merch you got 👀

Would you date a KPOP idol? What would you do if you do date one? (doesnt have to be your bias, just wanna see what y’all would do)

Would you rather be with someone you love but doesn’t love you back or be with someone that loves yu but you don’t love them back? (Or, as the Filipinos would say, Mahal ko o Mahal Ako)

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

PERSONAL

name: -

nickname: rina

birthday: -

zodiac: gemini

nationality: filipino

languages: english, filipino

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5′2 like 2 years ago, i probably grew like an inch or two

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: --

meaning behind my url: bts and txt fanfics to read hasjhsahj

blog established: ,,,,, i cant remember askjjksdjkdsa but the blog is only a few months old!

followers: 384!!! love yall

FAVORITES

favourite animals: b u n n y y y y y

favourite books: CAMP HALF BLOOD SERIES BY RICK RIORDAN IM ZEUS’ DAUGHTER YALL

favourite colour: black, blue, purple

favourite fictional characters: Percy Jackson, Jaron from Ascendance Trilogy, Chimmy!!! hihi

favourite flower: white roses

favourite scent: coffee

favourite season: winter

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 3-5 or 8-10.

cats or dogs: dogs because cats scare me

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffee!!! especially if it’s iced and sweet

current time: 12:21 AM

dream trip: California. Look I have the visa, pls miss rona. just leave so cali can just let me IN

dream job: actress or singer

hobbies: writing, reading, watching crackvids

hogwarts house: gryffindor

last movie watched: Work It (bc it has sabrina carpenter ahshsahsa i have low standards when we talk about Sabrina)

last song listened to: Helpless - Hamilton OBC

no. of blankets you sleep with: 1

random fact(s): if given the chance again, I would go on a date in high school. Also try to exert more effort in my appearance back then i looked like an honest to god M E S S (tbh i still do but now i have eyebrow liner on) hsajhsajhh

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to (at the moment)

Run Away - TXT

Work It - Sabrina Carpenter

Euphoria - BTS

Song Cry - Yeonjun

Helpless - Hamilton OBC

Satisfied - Hamilton OBC

Journey to the past - Anastasia OBC

Lost in the Woods - Frozen OST

Perfect Song - Sabrina Carpenter

Friends - BTS

#tags #tagging #tagged yet again #sadjkjksdajad #what a mess #im so basic wtf

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kitty-lunaz · 4 years

Text

The loss of heroes

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Definitions

PTSD-. (is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.

D.I.D- “a mental disorder characterized by the maintenance of at least two distinct and relatively enduring personality states.”

P.P.D- (depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue.)

Depression-Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems

Schizophrenia- schizophrenia (a serious mental disorder in which people interpret reality abnormally. Schizophrenia may result in some combination of hallucinations, delusions, and extremely disordered thinking and behavior that impairs daily functioning, and can be disabling).

Hallucinations- perception of objects with no reality usually arising from disorder of the nervous system

Conventions-A convention, in the sense of a meeting, is a gathering of individuals who meet at an arranged place and time in order to discuss or engage in some common interest. Valkyrior- Within the context of Marvel's shared universe, the Valkyrior is a group of female warriors led by Brunnhilde / Valkyrie that was originally designated by Odin to bring the souls of slain heroes to Valhalla.

God Khonshu- Khonsu (Ancient Egyptian: ḫnsw; also transliterated Chonsu, Khensu, Khons, Chons or Khonshu) is the Ancient Egyptian god of the Moon.

Inertia- a tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged.

Iron man’s addiction- alcoholism

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Hero a person who saves others. What about the kids who don’t have their hero. What about the kids whose hero was iron man, captain America, Thor, hulk, people like that? Our heroes are gone and we don’t have hope anymore. People say it's all going to be ok, we’ll be ok but what about when we lost all hope. What about those of us whose heroes we remembered as the creations of stan lee. Imagine the silence that has echoed for almost two years and it is still here. It’s not going away. The yelling of the depressed scared kids comes across deafened ears. Our pain fills our ears, mouths, and brains its overriding everything we’ve got left.

Young people now barely past 23 still choke on the mornings of a certain September day. Seeing a corrupt country that still somewhat loved its country shattered to its bones. Broken-down voicemails of a man giving up his right to a family. People staring out windows as a pair of buildings seen as a CenterPoint of a nation crumbles to ash and death stung the air.

Kids shaking in fear as another child points a gun at them. Their last moments in a place that swore it would protect them. Their heads screaming a blissful cry of fear at finally not having to fear this moment again. Yet crying out for someone like their own ‘friendly neighborhood Spiderman’ to come and save them.

So many of us thinking maybe just maybe if ‘so and so heroes’ were real maybe things would be better. Maybe if they were, daddy/ mommy would’ve made it home because they could’ve stopped the fire, the crash, the shooting. Maybe if they were real we could go to conventions and have them give us another reason to smile.

Our generations need so many heroes, heroes like Valkyrie who shows strength in not only being a beautiful woman of color, a leader of the Valkyrior, and a woman who is on the LGBT spectrum. We need heroes some like Deadpool who talk people from jumping off buildings those who remind us we might not be great people but we can change and better ourselves. We need heroes like Moonlight, wonder woman, or Daredevil each of these three has different illnesses I will do a quick explanation of their illnesses, but we need heroes like this who remind us and tell us that it is ok. That even heroes aren’t perfect they are ‘human’ in so many cases.

Moonlight who is a male character who supposedly was given powers to him by an ancient Egyptian God Khonshu. He has been depicted as having D.I.D. He has also been shown hallucinating to the point that in certain comics even the reader becomes confused: Did he ever even have powers in the first place? What is he truly experiencing? There is cases wherein extreme fear of situations he takes on other personalities for long periods. His most notable secondary persona is Jake Lockley. Some even theorizing he may have a form of schizophrenia.

Wonder woman is a non-human who has a human appearance. She experiences a few mental illnesses although compared to some heroes they seem to lackluster and nonserious. Yet although hers are less than painful than some that does not mean they aren’t important just rather a different type. One said illness a very common one in heroes P.T.S.D. For her she had been living her life believing one thing only to find a large portion of the place the memories took place in being false. This and a mix of other things she has experienced sent her into a level of shock which sent her into a catatonic state. She would experience things such as hallucinations of a snake that came out of her arm and would talk to her. (Do not do what she did to help hers see a therapist for help if you can.) She ended up as much as some with an illness like P.T.S.D can she cured herself by doing a form of self-exploration.

Daredevil is a different character. His mental illness isn’t his only illness though. Matthew Murdock is a blind lawyer. He is an extremely interesting character being born from a poor family. His mother started experiencing P.P.D. This led to her attacking matt as young age her husband jack stopped the attack in turn she left and joined a covenant in which later on would meet and connect back with matt. The more important part of that is rather that he could inherit depression. Later on, in his life this mattering on which version his dad who was a boxer would be killed for not throwing a fight. Either being a gymnast/Boxer as a child or be taught by the character stick. Either way, he would at some point lose his sight from trying to save a man from a chemical spill. This would aide in his fighting ability because of his enhanced senses. Yet as with many superheroes’ death plagued him like his own shadow. His two lovers both killed by a very common villain named kingpin. Depression would become an illness he is constantly fighting. A section a comic would show in a set of three panels of his fist seeming to push through a thick layer of a gelatin-like substance that didn’t want to bend. This representing the battle against depression the words accompanying this would hit home for many. “Get up you have momentum now, don’t let the shadows pull you back in. Inertia is the enemy; do something, move. Move Matthew”

This is not to say generations raging back long before D.C. was even an idea didn’t need heroes. Yet rather than their issues were different not to say they didn’t deserve them. Those times didn’t have them and then seemingly losing them. Logically they probably did posters for survival and fighting spirit but they could see and hold the hope themselves without needing to hear things like this to believe they were safe…

“I am iron man” and think that he will protect me even through a screen or comic book page.

“I could do this all day” Imagining him using his shield to protect you from bullets physical and metaphorical.

“With great power comes great responsibility” Knowing that he’ll catch you as you fall into your depressive episodes.

“Odin’s beard!” Knowing that although he could be doing other things there were those with powers to hurt yet use them to help

“Excelsior!” That no matter what there will be hope and there will be those willing to save you in the darkest times.

Now “I am iron man” echoes in pained breaths. “I could do this all day” feels more like a mock of how hard our lives trying to break us down. “Odin’s beard!” Feels like lightning piercing the heart knowing it may never sing out its call again. “Excelsior!” Now there’s an emptiness it licks at the ears, eyes, brain, and heart and it feels like it will never refill.

The face of hope seems stripped away now as a series of movies and characters have finally waved a long-awaited farewell. Wolverine said goodbye as time has gone on the x-men series slowly seemed to lose its tact yet there was always a joy knowing there was a mix of different people keeping us all safe.

Iron man gave his most graceful goodbye, and now his addiction seems more appealing so there’s still a connection. America placed his shield away and watched his sunset, now fighting so that way someone is protecting others seems kind. Thor laughed booming and it echoes trying to claw anything close enough to that joy one last time.

Memories of our heroes will always be here leaving an aching in the lungs.

#hope #marvel #marvel heroes #super heroes #dc heroes #mental health #depression

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sp-newkidkris · 4 years

Text

Spook Park - All Mine - Chapter 3

Psychopath. A person suffering from a chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behavior. "I do not have a problem." Wendy huffed. "Yes. You do. A jealousy problem." Cartman leaned back closing his eyes. Cartman was full of shit. He was one of the biggest assholes in town. Everybody knew he was. Wendy didn't appreciate his attitude, but thought back to when Bebe had said the same thing. "What do you mean by jealousy problem?" Wendy sat down on the blanket. Cartman shifted his weight so he faced her. "What do you think of that Joslyn girl?" Cartman clapped his hands together. "I don't think anything. She's just a girl who's made a fatal error and is deserving of having her life drained." Wendy closed her eyes and turned up her nose. "There it is!" Cartman clapped again. "What?" Wendy opened her eyes. "You're jealous of Joslyn for trying to flirt with Stan. Luckily though, Stan told her you were his girlfriend. She apologized but Stan insisted she do it to you in person." Cartman pulled his hands apart and held them out. "She still deserves to suffer." Wendy mumbled under her breath. "I couldn't agree more. Suffering is one of the funniest things to watch happen to humans. I have no personal beef with this girl, but you do." Cartman rotated his hands vertically and smirked. "So? It's not like my wishes for this girl to suffer could come true through circumstances." Wendy folded her arms over her knees. "Yes. Not through circumstances. But you could make them come true yourself." Cartman slightly rotated his head to the side. "You mean I should cause an incident myself?" Wendy leaned forward. "I was thinking... More along the lines of murder." Cartman grinned. "Murder? No way I could do that." Wendy shook her head. "Come on, it's direct, personal, makes it positive she won't come back... I mean, in high school you have the option to take AP Murder." Cartman shrugged. "Yeah! In monster school, maybe!" Wendy slammed her hands on the ground. Cartman shook his head in disbelief. Wendy looked back slightly aggravated. She wouldn't fully admit it but she had started considering Cartman's option. It wouldn't be the first time she killed. Though it would be the first time on purpose. Back in sixth grade she had been a little jealous of another girl but all she did was push her into the street coincidentally at the same time a car had passed by. "Not that I'm agreeing with murder.. But how would one go about it? Like plan it out?" Wendy closed her eyes to think. "First you need your means of how you want to kill, whether it be indirect or personal. Considering how you've been zoning out lately, I'd go with personal. Preferably, I'd say you go slasher style." Cartman held out his hand in explanation. Cartman began to explain a few scenarios for an hour or two as Wendy closed her eyes and pictured them in her mind. *** Wendy eventually came up with her own idea as a punishment thinking back at points Cartman had shared with her. She thought back to what he said. "First off, in a slasher approach you begin with a little stalking. You know where she works. Start there." Cartman was a dick, but he did have some good tips for certain things. She came back to the present and headed over to the clothing store. Looking in through the store window she spotted Joslyn laying out some folded shirts on a shelf. Joslyn straightened up and wiped sweat from her brow. She glanced at the window and saw Wendy staring with a deadpanned expression. Joslyn waved with a faint smile. The smile disappeared however when Wendy didn't seem to respond or even blink. Thinking something was wrong, Joslyn gestured for Wendy to come inside and talk about it. Wendy still didn't move. A little unnerved, Joslyn glanced away. Looking back at the window again she noticed Wendy was no longer in front of it. Joslyn began to tense up and looked around. She didn't see Wendy inside anywhere. She pulled out her phone and texted Wendy. "Hey, Stan told me you were his girlfriend. Sorry if I threatened you in any way. If we could meet up to talk it over in person I'd love to fix things." *** Wendy was standing around the corner. Unnerving someone was a key point to slasher killing according to Cartman. Wendy closed here eyes and smiled holding her phone to her chest. She fantasized what the outcome would be like. Joslyn's screams were music to her ears. The splashes of blood on her skin gave her a bubbly feeling. And bringing remains to Stan as a present was a warm smile. He'd be super appreciative to receive the little bitch's organs. Imagining him snacking and consuming on the torn pieces of corpse sent her sky rocketing. Soon leaving her fantasy, she noticed the text from Joslyn. Wendy shook her head with a smile and deleted it. It was too late. Apologies from little sluts such as her didn't exist in Wendy's perfect world. Only blood curdling screams. *** Joslyn had been working for what felt like hours. Wendy continued to lean against the side of the building. Soon hearing a grumble from her stomach. Stalking did seem to take a while, so it seemed bound to happen at some point. She noticed a bistro across the street with a large front window. Easily, she could continue watching from there while she got something to eat. She nodded to herself and crossed the street, soon entering the bistro. It was a smaller place, but the food did seem to smell good enough. She wandered towards the counter looking at empty tables near the large window. While doing such she bumped into a familiar duo. "Wendy! Hi!" Kris beamed and pulled Wendy into a hug. "Hi Wendy." Kyle smiled himself ever so slightly showing his fangs. "Hi guys. What're you up to? A date?" Wendy pulled away from Kris' hug. "Yeah. I guess. We were just thinking of hanging out but I guess it could be considered a date since no one else is here." Kyle shrugged. "What're you doing?" Kris smiled. "Grabbing something to eat. I've been busy for a while and decided to come in for a bite." Wendy shrugged. Kris began to laugh. Wendy then realized the vampire joke she just made. In front of Kyle none the less. He didn't seem to mind though. He simply closed his eyes, slightly shook his head and chuckled. Kris' overly bubbly 24/7 attitude did have its contagious times. "So what were you doing across the street?" Kyle pointed to where Wendy had been waiting before. Wendy looked back nervously. She had forgotten vampires have superhuman vision. She tapped her fingers together thinking of an excuse. "Stan told me about a girl you met recently. And knowing your record with jealousy... Were you spying on the girl who works there? Stan did mention you know where she works." Kyle looked back over at the store and put his hands in his pockets. "Spying? Or were you stalking?" Kris looked over and then turned to look at Wendy again. "I guess I was. Stalking. I hate that girl. Not only did she flirt with my boyfriend but the other day she had the nerve to give a fake apology." Wendy tensed up. "How do you know it was a fake apology? Based on what Stan told me, I'd say it would be legit." Kyle turned his head to the side. "I can tell. She's an actress. A fake. She still likes Stan. Her heart beats now, but I'll make it stop." Wendy gritted her teeth. "You're thinking about killing her? Horror slasher style?" Kris leaned in and yell whispered, her face showing some slight concern. "Originally I was just thinking how much I'd like to watch her suffer. But then I was given the idea to induce it myself. It's more personal that way." Wendy closed her eyes and remembered Cartman's words. "You got that idea from Cartman, didn't you?!" Kyle seemed aggravated. Kyle and Cartman hated each other with a burning passion. The two did hang out together and seemed to be friends but you could tell they didn't consider each other as such. Kyle pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. Thinking about Cartman always turned his mood from whatever it was to an ugly, ugly hate. "Word of advice, don't take advice from Cartman. You should know this. We all hate him." Kyle took his hand off his nose and held it up. "I only got the basic idea from him. I did change it to make it my own." Wendy scrunched up her face in appall. "I don't think I should judge until I hear this plan. If it's what you think, it's your own business and I don't fully want to get involved." Kris shuddered. "Perhaps we should sit down though." Kyle looked behind Wendy and saw a line was forming. *** Soon after getting food and sitting down, Wendy cleared her throat to begin explaining her plan. "Basically, I'm going to watch her for a while. See what her routine is. Then while she's walking along on her own down the street at night is when I'll make my move. I plan to follow her until she notices. I want to chase her into the graveyard. A secluded location. I've been spending last night sharpening a knife I took from the home ec class room. I'm hoping to make it sharp enough to make a clean incision. I'll listen to her beautiful screams as her blood drains, the excess dripping onto my hands still warm from her body. After her heart stops beating by then I'll cut her pieces apart and put them in a present box. Stan will be so happy to get the gift. He'll tear into the flesh making a mess. The blood will splatter and our love will grow." Wendy closed her eyes tilting her head. Her cheeks began to turn red and she held her hands together delicately. Kris seemed to shift her eyes a little unnerved. Kyle furrowed his brow with his eyes closed, picturing Wendy's words in her head. "You seem to have it all calculated out perfectly. Just the way you want it. But I hate to break to you that the world won't perfectly follow anything you've stated. First, the stalking part will take at least two days. Second, don't tell Stan or show him the body." Kyle held up his fingers counting his points on them. "Kyle's got a point. Stan isn't fully one for conflict or killing. He prefers the hunt. I personally think it'd be better if you did go through with it, you dispose of the corpse another way. Not that I'm fully on board with it though." Kris shrugged holding her hands out in front of her. The changeling did feast on blood and such, but she wasn't one for the super gross killings. Kyle nodded in agreement. If anyone knew Stan better than Wendy, it was Kyle. Wendy thought it over and thought they were right. For a second she thought of a way to change the topic to something else. Then it hit her. "Did Stan and Kenny finish their heart project yet?" Wendy suddenly spoke up. The sudden change in topic confused the monsters for a second. Kyle thought about it. "No, I don't believe so. They're having trouble making the heart because they don't have a lot of pictures for reference." Kyle shook his head. "We'd help, but we're not supposed to." Kris shrugged. "That makes sense." Wendy nodded. That didn't mean she couldn't find a way to help them out. Wendy thought through her plan again, making some alterations. About to continue the conversation and elaborate on her next thought, she noticed across the street that Joslyn was leaving the store. "Ah! There she goes! Bye Kris. Bye Kyle." Wendy suddenly stood up and started for the door waving goodbye to her friends. She started up the street behind Joslyn watching her every move. *** After watching Joslyn arrive back her home, Wendy had gone back to her room at Golden Blooms. She was sitting on her bed with a map of the town. Remembering the roads that she had walked down, following Joslyn, she marked them with red marker. Surprisingly, Joslyn lived closer to Wendy's school and the graveyard than she thought. Thinking over her the route, she was interrupted by a knock on her door. "It's open." Wendy looked up from the map at her door. Bebe entered the room and noticed the map. "How many years have we been in this town and you still need a map?" Bebe leaned against the door frame with her hand. "What?" Wendy looked back down and saw she still had the map out before putting it away, "No. I have the map for... Something else." "Does this have anything to do with that girl from like last week?" Bebe placed her other hand onto her hip. Wendy shook her head. Telling anyone else about her plans could end up disastrous. She folded the map up and put it away. She was unsure of why Bebe decided just now to show up, but she decided not to pay any mind to it. "So I guess now I have to say I was wrong and you don't have a jealousy issue?" Bebe walked into the room and sat with Wendy on her bed. "No. But I guess now that I think about it, I do have a bit of a jealousy problem though." Wendy sighed and put her arms on her legs. "I'd say I told you so, but you seem pretty occupied to respond with the kind of pouty face I want you to give me." Bebe leaned on her friend with a stupid grin on her face. Wendy couldn't help but smile and quietly laugh at her friend. Bebe was trying to bring her out of a funk and she wouldn't let it go unappreciated. She leaned her head on top of hers. "So you got any plans for tomorrow?" Bebe moved her head back to sit up straight. Wendy thought for a moment. Upon realizing her chances for her plans would work best tomorrow, she nodded. "I do, actually. But it's more around the time the sun will set. Other than that I'll probably do some homework." Wendy shrugged as an apology she couldn't hang out tomorrow with her friend. Bebe frowned and began to boo out loud. All joking aside though, she did seem a little bummed. "Why don't you hang out with Kenny tomorrow night?" Wendy moved her feet up onto her bed and sat crosslegged. "He's working on that science project. And by working, he's most likely not doing shit." Bebe raised her hands up and did some air quotes. "Either lazing around or something else. Knowing Kenny." Wendy snickered. "Stan seems pretty into the project though. He tell you how it's going?" Bebe turned to face her friend. "The other day. Yeah. I also bumped into Kyle today and he updated me on it. He said they're going to try making a heart but it's hard to without proper reference. Probably because hearts look different than the shape everyone draws." Wendy placed a finger to her lip thinking back. "They could just buy one. Grimwood is a spooky place. Halloween decorations are on sale like, all year round. A heart could be hard to find though if you don't know where to look." Bebe suggested. Upon getting the idea, Bebe proceeded to text Kenny about his project. For a while she just quietly texted back and forth with him until she got up to leave. "Where are you going?" Wendy looked at her friend head for the door. "It's a little late. I'll probably go back to my room and get ready for bed. Plus I just made plans to see Ken tomorrow." Bebe said as she stood in the doorway. "It's not that late. Only nine." Wendy looked at her alarm clock. Bebe shrugged with a nervous laugh and smile. Wendy soon changed her expression to a smirk. Bebe was lieing. The facial queues and texts with Kenny was enough evidence that she was heading back to her room for some other reason. A reason that she was expecting a guest to phase in. "Go." Wendy waved her friend away. Bebe stuck her tongue out and closed Wendy's door behind her. Once more, Wendy was alone. And because of such, she decided to get back to what she was doing before. She pulled out her map and continued using the red marker to mark her route. While she got back into it, Wendy started to think of how she would have to finish off her plan this time. Considering Kyle and Kris' comments, it would be better if she didn't bring this up with Stan. Wendy closed her eyes and pictured Joslyn. The sharpened knife appeared in her hand. Staring at Joslyn, Wendy tilted her head several ways deciding which method to start with. A slash across the neck would be effective, but there wouldn't be as much pain and suffering. Joslyn needed to be punished. A quick death would be the same as a slap on the wrist and a strict no. A better punishment would be to perhaps warm the edge of the knife with a lighter and press it against her, burning her skin. But carrying too many items would cause Wendy to slow. And as memory of watching horror movies suggests anything, that's the fact that victims can run faster than the killer. But they're also stupid. Stupid, stupid Joslyn. She would indeed die in a horror movie. Most attractive girls seemed to die first in horror movies. That, and not wear bras for some reason. Wendy shook her head. A means to kill Joslyn would appear in her mind as it happened. Wendy looked back at her map and glanced between it and her phone. She wrote down a list of all the time stamps when Joslyn did something during the day. Looking at her phone again, Wendy noticed a text from Stan. "Hey. So Kenny said Bebe suggested buying a heart in town for our project. We're both busy tomorrow and can't go looking for one. Would you mind looking please? We may not be able to get help from other monster students but the teacher didn't say anything about humans." Wendy thought before writing her response. She smiled and answered the text. "You can count on me, Stan. I know just where to get you one."

#south park #spook park #sp ghoul school au #south park au #wendy testaburger #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #south park oc #south park new kid #new kid sp #Bebe Stevens

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