#we were fine only knowing about dad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

caged-canines · 5 months

Text

lately we've been remembering more things, not many but still more than we did before. i dont know if im just a trauma holder or if the brain is just revealing stuff now, but im the one who started remembering things- like, we knew stuff happened with our doctor as a kid, but i have a few specific memories of it. we also are finally coming to terms with the fact that the dream we had a few months ago was a flashback and not just a random dream. we knew it was probably a flashback but we didnt want to accept that because it was really low detailed and blurry, but our dreams are normally high detail anyways so-

we're also starting to question our dads role in our trauma. we knew he gave us trauma and we know for a fact that he is the reason our ex host formed, but now we're questioning if he might've had more to do with it all even before what he did.. mainly because of that flashback again. something in us tells us that was his friend, but we cant be sure. we havent seen any pictures of his friend in a long time and we have no recollection of what he looked like, and in the flashback we can barely make out any details at all about the person in it. all we know is it was dark, we were laid on what felt like a leather seat, it was a man and we cant tell the exact skin tone but it was at least more tan than our dads is (which isnt hard because he is super pale). its all been really stressful. we arent even 100% sure any of this is real, like if any of it is real memories or our brain making something up- we seen something on a ramcoa website (we arent ramcoa but we are doing research since our psys is) about how child victims remember things how it appeared to them as a child, so it probably isnt 100% accurate but still shows something happened.

we also didnt have many physical symptoms when this started but as im typing this and recounting the smallest bit of detail im getting a headache and my eyes are hurting/going blurry- so im gonna leave this post here since its already super long

#did system #dissociative system #complex dissociative disorder #actually dissociative #dissociative identity disorder #dissociation #traumagenic system #i hate remembering things #we were fine only knowing about dad #we also are questioning if we're right about having no religous trauma #but we dont remember our church years at all so like #we're going crazy atp

1 note · View note

aroaceleovaldez · 2 months

Text

i would like to say my ideal PJO adaptation (if i was being physically forced against my will to have to pick a live action adaptation over an animated one for some reason) would be a combo like writing of the musical + casting of the show + visuals of the movies

BUT the show actually does have the playwright for the musical as one of the major writers for like three episodes and that did nothing for it. so...

#pjo #riordanverse #pjo tv crit #i do love the casting for the musical lots and lots though #it was really good #i do also have some nitpicks for show casting but they're largely inconsequential #like majority i very much enjoy and think are cast well #i only have one i'd say im actually disappointed with and that's Poseidon. idk he just feels. bland??? does that make sense?#like idk maybe it's the costuming but im not getting Sea God *or* Fishing Dad from him #like i think i kinda see what they were going for and i saw some gifs of him in another show where he plays a pirate and its like #okay. *little* bit better. but idk im just not getting Poseidon from it #in general most of the immortals in the show dont feel very Immortal(tm) but thats definitely mostly just the writing/show itself #not any reflection of the casting #my only other two are i would have liked plus sized Clarisse. i am VERY sad we didnt get that #Dior is a VERY good Clarisse though so i'm not too upset about it. i like her Clarisse energy. the yelling is fantastic.#my most controversial pjo tv take is im still meh on Walker. like he's fine. but like he's kind of Just Fine to me so far #its probably mostly the writing being bad but he hasnt grown on me as Percy yet. i can tell he has the energy though in interviews n stuff #and the main trio dynamic in interviews and stuff is *very* good. i just wish the show writing was better #because the casting IS very good but they have so little to work with. you can really tell theyre trying their best #i like to joke the show would be better if they just set the cast loose in the woods doing in-character improv #like its clear basically all of them know their characters SUPER well. id watch 8 episodes of in the woods pjo cosplay improv.

49 notes · View notes

manygreetingsfriend · 6 months

Text

i’m sooooooo normal about the god of war series. so incredibly normal i liked it a normal amount and would be so chill talking about it. don’t worry about the sign

#god of war #i’m so so so so so normal about it it’s so whatever it’s so haha you know #something something when it comes to yourself you’ll let yourself drown before you change. you’ll die before you change who you’ve become #to survive this long #up to and until it affects the ones you’ve come to love in this life you’ve made for yourself and you suddenly have no choice but to change #it’s fine it’s ok it’s chill. everyone does this.#it’s becoming a parent and loving your child so much you HAVE to change. you HAVE to be better #we MUST be better. than they were.#who’s they. our parents. the gods that come before us. yes.#i’m screaming i’m crying i’m wasting away im disintegrating. there’s no coming back there no return #you are on your knees. you are gripping your son’s shoulders like they’re the only thing keeping you tethered to the earth.#you are struggling with who you are and who you want to become. you are promising to be better.#i’m so normal about parent(al figures) taking responsibility for their actions and choosing to do better #i’m not high enough to really express what’s going on here. can you feel it? can you fucking feel it?#this series has destroyed me.#dad of boy. dad(s) of boy. i will never be the same (affectionate)#can’t remember the last time i finished a series and went ‘oh well i’ve GOT to play it again Now That I Know’#AND I HAVENT EVEN TALKED ABOUT THE BROTHER HULDRA!!!!!!!!!#sindri’s face. has not left my memory #i’m dying scoob #gow #gowr

83 notes · View notes

machiavellli · 2 months

Text

listen, I get the science and the logic of wearing sunscreen everyday. but honestly? I don’t think that will ever be for me. it’s so hideous. sorry. you are doing so great tho. congrats. truly.

#also I know you wear sunscreen for a lot of reasons #but I feel like the main reason for most of the people is for trying to avoid aging #and I’m honestly not concerned at all about that #I got a wonderful genetic with all due probably #my mom used to tan as her sport #(still does lol)#my dad discovered sunscreen only when he had me #and both are 50 now and nobody ever guess their age #when we were on holiday a group of men asked him how he looked so young. dude was like ”I eat mozzarella and do sport”✨💪GODD FOR HIM #so. I’m not worried. and even if I won’t look good as my mom I will be fine. I’m human.#that’s gonna happen #I’m more concerned about dying #text post #<3

9 notes · View notes

izzyspussy · 5 months

Text

deeply unproductive therapy visit today lads

#jack facts #the pervasive belief that low self esteem is a universal issue is so deeply fucking annoying #anyway we were discussing my chronic underemployment because my dad lost his job so i'm obviously stressed about it #and she kept going on about confidence and being discouraged and etc like yeah fine i am discouraged but i'm still applying so w/e #but self confidence is the LAST thing i need to worry about. EYE know that i'm skilled and worthy of respect and fair compensation #i just happen to be an uneducated member of the working class who isn't very lucky or easy to exploit lol #and the latter is a good quality that i'm not interested in changing!! it's GOOD that i have too much self respect to overwork!#it's GOOD that i have too much respect for my fellow man to narc or manipulate them in the name of kissing corporate ass!!#it's GOOD that i'm not willing to knowingly spread disease or directly contribute to unnecessary waste!!!#but those things are necessary for ''good'' job performance at the (allegedly) only positions i'm qualified for!#that doesn't have anything to do with ME as a person or what i'm capable of or deserve!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!

9 notes · View notes

sexiestpodcastcharacter · 1 year

Text

Still looking for Welcome to Night Vale Submissions.

Currently we have 23 Welcome to Night Vale characters submitted. It's going to be a 32 person bracket. So we need 9 more characters. I was very quickly able to come up with 14 characters, and obviously they all won't fit. So if you want one of these characters to be a contender for Sexiest Fictional Podcast Character, or you have another character you want to see compete, submit them now.

(Disclaimer: I personally do not find all of these characters sexy so do not @ me. I just think many of them are significant enough that people would protest their absence.)

#Not A Poll #Mod Update #Welcome to Night Vale #Tamika Flynn is highlighted as a reminder to request only propaganda from her adult era.#Originally I was on the fence about adding Tamika Flynn/Josh Crayton/Janice Palmer/the Child of the Glow Cloud because I know soooo many #people only listened to the first two seasons when they were all kids. But someone submitted someone else from that squad and Tamika is suc #an iconic character it would be weird to not include her if we are including characters who have become adults during the show.#She turns 23 this month. Josh was in college four years ago. Janice's age is contradictory (time is weird) but she graduated high school in #2020. Like. These kids are no longer kids.#But also I don't want people to be weird about it. People have been fine with Nicky Close but D&Dads doesn't have the same reputation of #people listening to the beginning and getting REALLY attached but not continuing to listen.#.....okay the tag rambling is probably a sign I shouldn't insert her so I need YOU to submit characters so that I don't feel like I'm #personally neglecting the charming Symphony Sanders.

15 notes · View notes

blunderpuff · 24 days

Text

apparently i have a half sister???

what the fuck???

#???#the secret world of merry mac #apparently my mom facebook-stalks her????? ''oh yeah she looks just like [your dad]'' ??????????#does she???? i don't know????? turns out i don't know what my dad looks like either i guess?????#i've always coasted through life thinking that everyone else has family drama but not me...#and now there's 2 whammo! situations in this one week right here #wham sitch no. 1: danny uninvited me to his wedding bc he's mad that i said Bad Words on the phone to him while i was driving #(we were supposed to meet at an exit on the freeway so i could hand over some stuff he'd left at my mom's house. literally the only info #he gave me was: ''meet me at Ridgegate Parkway exit'' and it turned out there's FUCKING NOTHING at that exit. there wasn't #anywhere to even pull over. no parking lots no nothing. so i was talk-to-texting and i'd already been driving for 6 hours and I HAD #KEPT HIM UPDATED AS TO WHERE I WAS so there was no lack of information on my part. APPARENTLY i was supposed to psychically #intuit that i should have gone to the Park N Ride parking lot off the exit. i did not intuit this and therefore had no idea i should have #been looking for that. so i was upset and driving around in circles in rush hour traffic in Lone Tree CO where everyone drives $50K #SUVs and they drive them aggressively. Danny of course thinks this is MY fault because i didn't pick up the phone to call him and #ask for more information apparently. reminder: i was driving. 99% of my driving was on the mf freeway doing 80mph. i wasn't going #to open the phone then open my contacts and then scroll down to his name and then make a call. talk to text was already dumb and #dangerous to do but it was a lot easier to glance at the phone or make it read a text to me than it was to make a phone call and play #20 Questions about where the fuck i was supposed to meet him.)#y'know if he had just said ''hey meet me at the Mod Pizza by the IKEA'' that would have been fine!! literally all the info i needed!#but noOo he had to be the smartest smuggest person in the chat and give me only partial information)#wham sitch no. 2: apparently i have an older half sister who looks just like our shared father. huh.

4 notes · View notes

jynersq · 11 months

Text

+

#last night we were both a little sleepy.#a little wine-drunk.#i asked him to play me something on the guitar while i leaned on his shoulder.#he said he only knows a few songs. i said that's fine #whatever you want.#first song: like real people do by hozier #which has a very tender place in my heart because it's the last song i sang for a real performance (2015).#so i still know all the words.#and he didn't know that!#it just happened to be the song.#anyway it was 1230am. anyway my jacket smells like his apartment.#anyway early this morning i said i thought romance was built of small acts of devotion. like how every morning my dad makes my mom coffee #because she sleeps worse and takes longer to wake up and he wants her to not have to worry about another thing in the morning.#when she comes downstairs every day he has it ready for her to take to work.#he makes it separately because he drinks an entirely different coffee than she does. but he makes it because he wants her to have it.#it's one of many small repeated acts of love they do for each other. they're still in love with each other after 30 years.#anyway my boyfriend is a notorious instant coffee fiend.#it's easy and he likes the flavor.#but when we got up this morning he pulled out a bag of coffee beans and a hand-grinder and said: would you like me to make you coffee?

10 notes · View notes

britneyshakespeare · 7 months

Text

The shy bachelor Godwin thought that Mary Robinson was not only intelligent and "Rational," but also incomparably beautiful. His daughter Mary Shelley recorded that "Among his acquaintances were several women, to whose society he was exceedingly partial, and who were all distinguished for personal attractions and talents. Among them may be mentioned the celebrated Mary Robinson, whom to the end of his life he considered as the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, but though he admired her so greatly, their acquaintance scarcely attained intimate friendship."

Perdita: The Literary, Theatrical, and Scandalous Life of Mary Robinson (2004) by Paula Byrne, page 322, contained in the beginning of Chapter 22: Radical

#i can't stop thinking about this #william godwin #mary robinson #mary shelley #mary wollstonecraft #and in at least one letter wollstonecraft admitted to godwin that she had wanted to leave a dinner party earlier out of jealousy #but she didn't bc she could tell he was enjoying perdita's company so much #for what it's worth nobody should take this out of context bc these two marys were huge supporters of each other and friends #but if my dad were to say this about any woman other than my mother who died due to complications after giving birth to me #bruh. i know this is probably a rather contemporary cultural judgment to make but still #'oh YEAH dad? why dont you go tell that to the daughter you had with mary robinson—OH WAIT #you just have ME. MY fucking bad'#ps i also love how (i have yet to read her novels but this is routinely mentioned in the biography) all of her heroines #have long dark auburn hair and blue-grey eyes. bc that's what she looked like #and tbh i love it for the incredibly selfish reason that that's what i look like. im vain. goodnight!#(we really do stigmatize that sorta thing now. making ur main character resemble urself. i think thats stupid. its a fine practice)#(no i think we only do that when the author is a woman bc then her character is omg basically her she didnt even try) (eyeroll)

4 notes · View notes

silvercaptain24 · 6 months

Text

Growing up is weird

#silver rambles #vent #that post about the ‘how you knew someone else came from money’ is just. sticking with me #mostly cause as a kid I didn’t realize how bad off we were #like. I didn’t realize we got groceries from the food bank run by the church my dad worked at until I was a teen #it just. affected me subtly I guess #being worried about a $2 difference in shoes when I needed new ones because I liked the more expensive ones #and my mom having to convince me that it was fine #it still sticks with me #it’s really hard sometimes to not think about cost if my dad and I go get lunch or something #I’ve never been to another country #meanwhile my friends would go to Rome and Sweden and India and Greece and Mexico for their 12 year old trips #I stayed in the same state for the one with my mom and only went a state over for the one with my dad #but like #yeah. I always sorta knew #I just. couldn’t have told you that I knew #all the little things you didn’t know growing up #I didn’t know about the groceries thing until yeah. I was…16-17 I think #and now we’re much better off and I have my own job (technically two) but like…#hhh.#why is my brain fixating on this? idk #sorry #needed the thoughts out

5 notes · View notes

arcaneyouth · 6 months

Text

i'm starting to think living with 5 other people may simply be a problem

#vent post #negative #i've come to the conclusion i'm not getting enough sugar in my daily meals #(which is. ironic in a lot of ways. but i don't know what else the problem would be)#and that's great that's cool that i've come to this conclusion. i don't think i can solve this one #we don't buy that much sugary or junk food stuff anymore #my dad's got diabetes that makes sense that's understandable #so a lot of our family meals are like rice and meat and a salad #but yknow i'm not really gonna ask my parents to change that! it's been like that for a long time now it's fine it's alright #but i don't think i can actually solve the problem #i. already have a lot of foods that the rest of my family isn't allowed to touch. because i am So Picky #and when they were eating my foods more often i was Starving #i don't. think. i can ask for more. and you know what that's fine! that's fine that's ok i like my meals they're tasty as hell #what about snacks then? can we get snacks for the whole family? well no #we stopped buying more junk foodish snacks because it was All my siblings were eating #and it was bad! it was bad they shouldn't have been doing that. but now i don't think my parents trust us to be responsible with snack food #so our snack foods are. protein bar. fruit snacks (i had to request these specifically). popcorn #that's. that's fine. that's fine maybe i should be focused on fruit instead! fruit is good sugar!#well we don't store fruit i like the way i like it (don't put it in the fridge) so i never eat any of it anymore #but everybody else seems fine with it so really i'm not going to win this argument cause everybody else actually eats it more when it's out #(i don't think this is true. but i think it's true for My Dad and My Mom specifically.)#and i just. it really got me thinking about how much i don't have foods that i like in the house or meals that i love because Somebody Else #likes it done differently and not the way i like it #and that takes priority #to the point where i don't know what the fuck kind of foods i like because we just don't. have. any #i prefer white rice. mom prefers brown so we get brown. i prefer crunchier potatoes. mom prefers them soft so we make them soft #i like my fruits cold. my parents prefer to be able to See the fruits so they stay on the counter. i only eat chicken breast not any other #part of the chicken. my parents prefer thigh meat so we get thigh meat (which i don't eat)#oh huh. this post was a lot longer but tumblr deleted half the tags. yeah that's fair

4 notes · View notes

bibiana112 · 8 months

Text

And for bad oversharing medical news the arrhythmia from december never went away but I thought maybe the throat infection was still there right so that could be a reason but then I went to a specialist and not only is it practically cured (just lingering a bit) but my lungs sound fine as well! which means! the shortness of breath is probably something wrong with the oxygen in the bloodstream and the slight chest tightness is also extremely worrying I could only make an appointment to get it checked next friday and that sounds like way too long

#I know it's morbid but the only thing I can think about is how fucking mad I am at my parents and how I wish I had someone else to take care #of my things and burial if I were to die #they don't know me #they would do everything against my wishes because they never cared to listen #and Especially I am mad at my dad cause when this started he was around and I was really scared and upset and nearly crying and I told him #that I was considering going to the hospital right there and then and then he didn't. fucking say anything or ask if I was okay #they'll never listen anything just registers as crazy fucking kid having a tantrum again let's give her space leave her out of sight #And I had to Yell at him to stop telling me not to go to the hospital the next day and I mean Yell and he still said they'd deny it #that I was making it up if I had just been on my fucking own I wouldn't have double guessed myself on it and gone to the wrong specialist #and wasted time and gotten to the point where it's not like debilitating pain but constantly aware that it's there and I can only like eat #heart healthy shit that I don't even like and wait and god I am so upset at them why so I have to be alone and yet still be so tied to them #why pretend to care when I've said time and time again they're still hurting me like nearly everytime we see each other #Okay nevermind I actually Need to distract myself now usually confronting feelings is my favorite #but my body is telling me that if I want to cry I have to deal with it physically feeling like there's a hole between my ribs so #I'll hold off on it #I'll be fine #god going to sleep has been the absolute worse #delete later

3 notes · View notes

nope-body · 1 year

Text

.

#I fucking hate how my dad has essentially told me that it’s my fault I’m in so much pain #not that he’d ever acknowledge how much pain I’m actually in #but I just keep getting told that my general physical condition is my fault and I’m a burden for needing more support than others #and that I don’t know what I need or how to take care of myself and just generally that I’m bad for being disabled #not that anyone would ever say that I’m disabled #and I just hate it! I’m so tired of it #I’m tired of my dad treating exercise like a cure and my mom supporting me only when my dad isn’t around and never in any meaningful way #and I’m tired of feeling like an unlovable burden when I’m in so much pain that I can’t stand #because it’s really getting to my head! I almost texted my friend asking them if they were sure they wanted to be roommates with me because #I might be in pain sometimes and that might impact them #like. what the fuck!? they already know I’m disabled and they’re disabled too! and we support each other and we are more than aware of what #being roommates consists of. my parents are just getting into my head to the extent that I feel like I shouldn’t be around people because #I’m a burden and unlovable due to my pain and I would tell anybody else that that’s wrong #so why am I letting myself believe it?#also I keep saying that my parents are getting better but I don’t think they’ve changed. They can communicate a bit better but #their feelings are the same and that’s the problem. they don’t understand and they don’t care until they’ve had time to think about it #about it and normally I’d be fine with that but when you’re stuck on the floor crying in pain you just want someone to care #you don’t want to wait until your health comes up weeks later in a conversation #you just want compassion and someone to be there with you and tell you it’ll be okay #they have never done that

2 notes · View notes

orcelito · 1 year

Text

Also the fact that it's 4/20. The holiday I "observe" (typically by making jokes) despite not being a weed smoker. And I spent all of today filled with dread, actively miserable, actively distraught, and then vaguely dissatisfied/depressed

😊✌😋 happy 4/20 to a certain dead bastard in particular

#speculation nation #negative/#ok geeze ive made enough allusions to it and i kinda want ppl to know exactly why i got so freaked out by it today #uhm. preemptive trigger tag. it's relevant.#suicide ment/#anyways an employee's step dad killed himself with a gun in front of her late last night. like literally right next to her apparently.#and the other employee was on the phone as it happened & saw the scene after the fact when she picked up the first employee #they were both so distraught & obviously traumatized. scared of losing their jobs if they didnt come to work #but we told them not to worry about it. we'd find a way to cover for them. it'll be fine.#and i hold true to that. no way im forcing them to work after dealing with that.#privately though im distraught with sympathy for these poor girls. it hurt my heart so much to hear them talk about it #and then there's the entire topic of suicide. the image in my head. the empathy for what these girls went through #the first girl. shes only 17. she apparently hated this man. and it's no wonder why.#im filled with so much anger for what he did to her. killing himself would be traumatizing regardless #but to do it RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER? to the point where she apparently had burns from the gunfire?????#im angry. im livid. these are my girls and they went through something no one ever should have to. so young too...#and. yeah that's why im so fucked up right now #the general stress of my life is not helping lol

2 notes · View notes

royalphantompain · 1 year

Text

Ugggh.

#I am not doing the best but I will pretend I am!#My brother (the only one of my siblings that don't live with us and actually the one I helped moved last Saturday) is dealing with a lot #Like two weeks ago or something he had some exetremly high blood pressure and he ended up in the emergency room #Yesterday he went to the doctor again for a check up and she told him something is extremely wrong #She didn't tell him anything else other than that and the closest appointment he can get is August and I know he's exetremly worried #I love all my siblings so much but we were forced to live with my dad his girlfriend and her kids and he was the only thing I had there #I don't know if things will be okay #Ugggh too try to take my mind off of things I have been thinking maybe I should try going to college but I'm afraid if I'll fail #Sorry if you read this things are weird and I'm real worried about my brother #Anyway back to pretending things are fine!#May delete later

2 notes · View notes

astrxealis · 2 years

Text

my dad just played a bit of Nothing Else Matters just now on guitar he's so cool

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#heyy i am shy with music with my dad ngl. he's the guy who really got me into music after all #on our trip like a couple of weeks ago tho? he now knows my top 3 favs are the 1975 and hozier and mcr ^___^#today apparently his coworker was like hey anyone wna come with to mcr concert! and i got rlly excited and like damn but it was in aus so..#and then mom asked if that was a kdrama LMFAOOO and then dad said no theyre emo band..... hes not wrong but i tried to say theyre punk rock #he said No They're Emo LMFAOOOOO i suppose he's not wrong. anyway #idk i really want to learn guitar uh it's good i have my dad who can possibly help out but id rather he not tbh!#+ also uhh we were walking around the other day talking about courses and he was like maybe music (for non-quota course but idk anymore lol #it's complicated) but he was like. music nah bcs you guys arent really musically inclined/talented (?) i forgor anyway a bit taken aback but #hes right unfortunately...? used to play piano as kids. doesnt feel like long ago but it was ages ago #and then i wanted a guitar and we got one but since then i've learned only like 2 chords and it's been over a year now i think. or almost.#idk anymore tbh! time crazy but anyway i will do my best fr. with everything. gah #i'll be honest i kinda really do want to pursue music actually but i'm terrified and confused? uhh complicated complicated complicated frfr #its an acoustic guitar btw. might have been easier if it were electric bcs damn its hard for me to place my fingers right #+ i think theyre cooler but not the point! if i do learn the guitar dad said we cld maybe buy an electric one or a bass so... ^___^#anyway i think mom is warming up to cats and we might convince her more soon to. yk. allow us to adopt #not buy! i want to adopt. i love cats they deserve everything but i also really love dogs sobbing but moms scared so its fine #i forgot my other thought oh my god goodbye #oh. right! violin! lune likes the violin and considering we now know its our moms fav instrument we may convince her to let lune learn ?!

4 notes · View notes