#but we dont remember our church years at all so like

[caged-canines]

lately we've been remembering more things, not many but still more than we did before. i dont know if im just a trauma holder or if the brain is just revealing stuff now, but im the one who started remembering things- like, we knew stuff happened with our doctor as a kid, but i have a few specific memories of it. we also are finally coming to terms with the fact that the dream we had a few months ago was a flashback and not just a random dream. we knew it was probably a flashback but we didnt want to accept that because it was really low detailed and blurry, but our dreams are normally high detail anyways so-

we're also starting to question our dads role in our trauma. we knew he gave us trauma and we know for a fact that he is the reason our ex host formed, but now we're questioning if he might've had more to do with it all even before what he did.. mainly because of that flashback again. something in us tells us that was his friend, but we cant be sure. we havent seen any pictures of his friend in a long time and we have no recollection of what he looked like, and in the flashback we can barely make out any details at all about the person in it. all we know is it was dark, we were laid on what felt like a leather seat, it was a man and we cant tell the exact skin tone but it was at least more tan than our dads is (which isnt hard because he is super pale). its all been really stressful. we arent even 100% sure any of this is real, like if any of it is real memories or our brain making something up- we seen something on a ramcoa website (we arent ramcoa but we are doing research since our psys is) about how child victims remember things how it appeared to them as a child, so it probably isnt 100% accurate but still shows something happened.

we also didnt have many physical symptoms when this started but as im typing this and recounting the smallest bit of detail im getting a headache and my eyes are hurting/going blurry- so im gonna leave this post here since its already super long

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[silverislander]

i know my anxiety is irrational and comprised of previous negative experiences instead of an accurate prediction of the future bc it still tries to make me feel bad about objectively funny things that no longer even align with my morals as a person

[professor-beaker]

(Warning: very long rant about growing up religious and aroace. Might delete this in an hour. Idk)

Dear mom and dad,

Do you remember when i was 14, and had my first kiss? You probably dont- for you, it was just another sunday. He was one of my only church friends, and he pulled me, alone, into one of the music rooms after sacrament meeting. You encouraged me to go with him, because you could read the signs i couldnt. He was very polite, but when we kissed and he grabbed my hand on the way out, it felt more wrong than anything id experienced before. I ran back to you, crying, and you walked me through rejecting him. You basically told me that i was just too young, that it would get better, but it certainly didnt feel that way at the time. Every time youve reminisced on it since, it was only to laugh at my expense. At my naievety.

I tried to take your words to heart. I tried to listen each time our church would preach about how essential families were and each time you told me how happy you two were. It didnt work.

Do you remember when i was 15, and i told you, mom, that adopting sounded way better than having biological kids? You got so offended, and i had no idea why. I still dont. You told me it was a natural part of life, that we were supposed to bring children into this world. I tried to explain my reasoning- why would i want my own children when there are those who are suffering on their own? When the thought of procreation made me sick?- but you dismissed it. It was just another day.

Do you remember the brief period when i was 15, when i dated a girl? I assume you dont, because you never found out. I lived in constant fear, because the comments you would make at the dinner table described lgbtq+ as an affront to God, as unnatural. I had thought that men were the problem, and she was my first real partner. But nothing changed, it still felt wrong, and we fell back into only being friends. I hadnt told you about that until today, because i knew exactly what youd say about it. I knew exactly what youd say about me.

Do you remember the boy i met when i was 16? The one with the curly hair and the kind smile. You were always pushing me toward him, because you saw how he looked at me (i saw, too- and i didnt like it). He took me to homecoming, and prom, and danced too close to me for my liking. You always asked if we were a thing yet- and when i said no, you smiled knowingly. I hated that smile. And you smiled that smile for years.

I reconnected with him when i was home over winter break. We hung out once, i told him my sexuality, and he barely reacted. When you asked how it went, i told you i rejected him romantically, but we were still friends. Do you remember what you said, mom? You said, "so you broke his heart and left." I cried that night.

Do you remember when you found my aroace pins a month ago? Im at college in a different state- a religious college you wanted me to go to- and you still made it your priority to berate me for it. I dont know if you could tell how angry i was over the phone, but when you said "asexual and things are just looking for attention", it broke my heart.

Because i figured it out when i was 17. Because it took me two years to finally accept it in a religion that very strongly emphasized the family unit. Because i finally felt accepted, i felt heard, i wasnt being dismissed at every corner. Because i had something to explain why i was like this.

Because i finally didnt feel broken.

I never doubted that you loved me- not once, ever, in my life. Not until you started degrading me for something i couldnt control. Not until you started pressuring me to date people i would much rather be friends with. If youre not going to love all of me, then do you even love me at all?

I hope you know that i still love you, despite everything. But i hate the way you talk to me now, the way you talk to others about me. And i hope that one day, you, too, will realize that im not broken, or affronting God, or unnatural. I hope you realize that im still your child.

I hope you realize im still human.

[but-the-library-of-alexandria]

man so many people don't realise just how much comfort and wisdom we can find in history - generic ass history - just as regular people day to day. maybe I'm biased because of my job and it probably sounds like propaganda coming from me lol, but in These Difficult Times history is my first and greatest source of reassurance. every time I'm on the verge of panicking because I'm pretty sure this is the end of the world, I remember that people have been sure they were witnessing the end of the for thousands of years, and the world is still here. I look back at every crisis of the past - the fall of Rome, the world wars, famines and floods galore - and here we are, alive, looking back on 'the end of everything' as a distant human memory.

I walk around my village and look at the old houses where the poor used to live, and the not so old houses where the poor live now, and I think - a hundred, three hundred, a thousand years ago, there were people here with the same worries as me: worried about money, about the climate, about the rich and powerful stripping them of their rights. they suffered, they knew loss, they were afraid. but sometimes the church bells rang on a saturday and a young couple were cheered through the churchyard, excited to start a life together. an overworked and underpaid quarryman hauled his aching bones to the pub and shared a drink and a laugh with his friends, and halved his problems. a woman lay awake all night wondering whether that law would pass in parliament, what it would mean for her daughters, and then the sun rose warm and beautiful, and she got up, cut herself a piece of bread, and sat outside her cottage bathing in the light and listening to the dawn chorus, and she closed her eyes and smiled. the last thursday of October everyone put on their favourite hats and went out to see the ponies at the fair, and danced into the night. someone said 'help me, I dont know what to do', and somebody else said, 'I can take care of that for you.' they struggled, they found the light and they lived.

all the awful things happening now have happened before, and we have endured. the sun still rises, the bells still ring, the music still plays, the people are still here. our predecessors hand their memories to us through the ages: this is what happened last time. this is how we survived. it was hard, it hurt, and not everyone made it, but enough of us did. and we smiled, we laughed, we knew joy. you can do it. they can't keep us down. life will continue to live.

[loveshotzz]

I once had an Eddie in my life. He was growing his hair out so not super long yet, barely shoulders, but he had a lip ring and a bat tattoo (literally i saw Eddie onscreen and was like "haha hey do you remember-" to my friend i knew watched). He wore Black Sabbath and Metallica shirts and ripped jeans. I think I scandalized the entire town because I brought him with me to church (I was a pastor's daughter). Let me tell you what, the old ladies scoffed and told me I was selling my soul.

Meanwhile my dad invited him to our house after church and they sat in the office listening to some of my dad's tapes (Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, Aerosmith) and some of the guy's (Metallica was all he had on him). They sat discussing the music for like two hours. I was so mad at the time like dad dont steal my boy. My mom loved him because he was a gentleman, opened doors for me, scooted my chair out at the dinner table and pushed it back in after I sat, and held my hand. Always said Sir and Ma'am and my mom was like "He's got manners good"

The next week my dad preached a message about not judging 💀💀💀 the entire congregation was SILENT.

He was my first love and we were together for three years then I turned 18 and he had turned 20 and he asked me to go with him. I declined because my mother ended up getting sick. He still left. He sent me postcards for awhile and then we lost touch. I still think of him and hope he's well. Living a real metal life.

♥️ I’m sorry about your mom angel, and sorry about your love lost. I bet he still thinks about you too, no matter where he’s at in life. I hope one day your stars realign.

[pervertpan]

inspired by @meo-eiru oc, the lovely creepy priest Micah, go check her out!! all of her oc is so good 😩

notes : its been years since i write so keep that in mind, this is mostly for self indulgent and please know english isnt my first language + i dont rlly know about religion

!warning! : implied yandere(?), religious tone, reader is said to be not religious

Micah × Fem!Reader

The little village you moved in is a peaceful and quiet place, just exactly what you need after living in a busy and hectic city. The people here accept you with an open arm, they've been making the sudden change of atmosphere easier.

It's only been a week since you settle down but the lovely old lady that live across of you has been insisting that you need to accompany her to the sunday prayer, you're not the most religious person out there but having nothing to do you let her drag you at the early morning.

You've seen the church a lot from the outside, the white marbled building paired with a small flower garden is hard to miss after all. Inside it's no difference than any other church you've seen, rows of wood benches, a small sanctuary with an altar on top, and of course the holy father itself.

Micah, the village priest, with his sweet face and soft voice that can make anyone fell onto their knees and repent. You give Micah a respectful smile as the old lady that bring you with her greet him warmly, Micah talk to her just as warm.

"Micah, you have met the new resident, Y/N, right? She finally accept my invitation to come here."

"Yes, we've met a couple time before but this is the first time we talked. It's nice seeing you joining us, Miss Y/N."

You give an awkward chuckle,

"Well it's been a while since I go to any church, but I'm happy to finally talk with you Father Micah."

Before Micah can give a proper answer you've been pulled to another villager, you're sure you catch a twitch from the corner of Micah mouth but the talkative fisherman in front of you quickly bury that thought.

The ceremony and prayer goes much the same as it did when you're a child, not like you remembered all the detail of it. As far as you concerned this is more of a chance to socialize rather than an actual religious act from your part, from the conversation before it seem that a lot of the villager regardless of their faith put Micah in high regard.

Hearing the sermon he give you can see why, it feel like Micah dig straight into your soul and drag every sin you've hidden deep inside, trying to put it into light and wash it clean with his words. You can hear the soft whisper from beside you, the old lady seemingly asking for forgiveness from the lord.

When it end, you help her stand up from seating too long, escorting her toward the exit. Just as you both about to go out Micah appear beside the door like a ghost and asking for your time.

"Mrs. Rosewood, I'm sorry but I have to take a bit of Miss Y/N time from you."

You cant help but raised your eyebrow slightly at the demand covered as a request, Micah give her a polite farewell and a wave before turning fully to you.

"Miss Y/N, from our earlier conversation I cant help but assume you're not used to go to a church, yes?"

A seemingly normal question from a priest but you can feel a slight proding in it, you clean your throat and try to school your expression.

"Ah yes, dont really have the time and place at the city."

His smile seem to widen slightly at that, his closed eyes somehow seem to scan your entire being. He put a hand on your shoulder, his hold firm and soft at the same time.

"I hope this place can help you with that and thank you for coming with Mrs. Rosewood, she has been searching for a person to accompany her for a long time. She must be ecstatic with you here now."

He pull his hand and greet you farewell, the shoulder he put his hand on feel heavy, like a sudden responsibility has been put on you. You take a shuddering breath and greet him farewell as well, hurriedly going out of the church to catch up with Mrs. Rosewood.

Behind you Micah watch your every move, like a grim reaper ready to strike. The sunlight making his now open eyes glimmer, an uncomfortably wide smile on his face. He bend down and grab a rose that has been trampled beside the opened door, kissing the bruised petals and broken stem.

[kienansidhe]

heres an anecdote ive been thinking about.

i grew up in an evangelical christian cult under very extreme surveillance and censorship of incoming information. i didnt know the actual history of christianity, the real history, not the fake stuff i was taught, for many, many years. as far as i knew, the bible i read cover to cover every year was the only bible there had ever been, was the literal word of god, and the only issue was how to translate it from the original hebrew and greek. i had no reason to question this until high school, when my brother and i were sent walking around the neighborhood wearing brightly colored "ask me about jesus" tags.

an older neighbor working on his front lawn called us over. "okay," he said. "ill bite. tell me about jesus." so of course, we gave him the story we had been taught. original sin, hell, jesus dying on the cross, etc. etc. he listened patiently, then talked a bit abt his own personal spirituality. i dont remember the specifics, i think he actually was a sort of christian in a way, but only as a personal, private thing, no church, smth we had never encountered before. more importantly, he told us to look up the council of nicea.

our parents were very vague about their answer, so i ended up looking it up on wikipedia. i read that the bible as i knew it was only one canon, defined fairly recently, by one faction of the church. i learned about the existence of the apocrypha, that a bunch of old men had sat down and decided which books of the bible they considered the real word of god, which were fake.

of course, our upbringing had already provided their own magical answers for this kind of problem, but the seed was planted, alongside many other little seeds that were beginning to sink in and take root. what i knew came into direct conflict with the outside world, which gave me a point of entry for questions. how do we know which men were inspired by god? what did the other rejected books say? through this train of thought i came to find countless questions about the bible that were not as conclusively answered as i had been led to believe. prior to this, my conflicts with christianity had been on the basis of my own gut feelings. this feels wrong, arent i hurting people? but that one clue, the council of nicea, gave me a point of reference to start dismantling the whole theological basis for what i was taught.

eventually i found out that even the very concept of hell was a fabrication. i had read the bible faithfully for my whole life, once thru, cover to cover, every year. things like a lake of fire, eternity separated from god, a lot of the pieces that make up the popular concept of hell were there, scattered throughout, but when i realized that these fragments i had read had been manipulated and conflated to me from toddlerhood, that the bible never actually describes hell as i knew it, well. the whole tower crumbled.

for years i had struggled with the basic conflict of seeing with my own eyes that the things i said and did hurt people, that many horrible things had been done in the name of god. this was and always had been the original, basic instinct for my difficulty with christianity. but hell, hell had been the ultimate lynchpin. if hell was real, if not being christian doomed you to an eternity of literal torture, then any hurt i and other christians inflicted was justified. i truly evangelized and told people they were bad and going to hell out of a brainwashed desire to save them. i was terrified for them, for myself, for everyone. i dont think i will ever fully be able to convey how afraid i was, from my very first inklings of consciousness. hell tied it all together. i would do anything, anything to keep myself and those i cared about from suffering for eternity. even if my friends hated me, i had to plant the seed and pray for god to grow it in them. i had to.

once hell came into question, that fear finally began to lighten. cracks in my prison. a critical piece of information that had been carefully hidden my entire life. information that changed everything.

when youre sufficiently brainwashed, its hard to know where to even begin to question the world as you know it. your gut might tell you something is wrong, but when your world has self contained answers for everything, when it all seems to be one smooth globe around you, it can be hard to find the cracks. it seems impenetrable.

sometimes you need a little help to find the cracks.

i dont rlly have a point to this post, i just think about that weird old guy a lot. he sold heirloom tomato seedlings out of his backyard for $5 each, had torn up the entire yard without his landlords permission, and god those tomatoes were the best ive ever had. i wonder if hes still around, selling tomatoes, teaching people to question what theyve been told. id like to tell him how much he changed my life.

[savethepinecones]

1, 16, 20, 25! + any one of your choosing

1: what is your nickname?

i dont have any based on my name since its already v short but ive had internet folks call me pinecones or piney and i like those!

16: what do you think makes you attractive?

i think physically my eyes are my best feature but if were talking personality uhh i guess ive got a solid sense of humor?

20: whats a totally random and useless fact that you know?

every piece of knowledge ive ever had just abandoned me lol. if you feel like youre going to sneeze you can stop it by touching the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth a few times, like if you were saying la la la (i think i was told youre supposed to say "pineapple" but its the tongue thing thats the actually effective part)

25: do you/have you played any sports?

oh man. i did gymnastics for a bit when i was like four. tried ballet when i was seven but eventually decided to pursue piano instead (my mom had my sister and i try both for a year and then pick one to stick with). i also was on a soccer team at some point, maybe in first grade? i actually dont remember it at all but i vaguely remember looking at the team photos. also i remember the high socks lol. and then i briefly did softball in middle school because my childhood best friend had picked it up the year before and i wanted to fit in. im very asthmatic though so most if not all of these Did Not Go Well lol

and for the bonus one ill go with 19: a time that you told a lie

first off some important context for this is that i was raised mormon and every summer the church would have all the girls ages 13-17 go camping for like a week. they do hikes and crafts and devotionals etc. i think its all standard church camp type stuff.

so the first year i went they had the younger girls go on a short hike while the older ones went on a longer one. when we got back, a couple friends and i were curious about the longer hike so we decided to check the trail out during free time. we kept walking for quite a while. idk how long it was but we knew wed been gone long enough that people would have noticed we were missing. if i had to guess id say maybe an hour or so idk. anyway we got to a point where the path started to trail off and disappear so we decided to stop for a bit and then work our way back. we were in a pretty big meadow but there were some trees partway down a hill and one of my friends went down there to pee and carved some initials on a tree. i think she said she carved something for me and my crush at the time but i never saw it lol.

anyway eventually we started to head back and at some point we realized we were probably gonna get in trouble for disappearing. i was really worried about it but one of the girls was like "no dont worry about it ill take the blame" and suggested that we tell everyone that she had seen a deer and followed it and then the other girl and i went after her because we didnt want her to get lost in the woods alone.

about halfway back to camp we started hearing people calling our names. we kinda figured there might be some people looking for us but what we werent expecting was that they were men. remember, this is Girls Camp. usually the bishop would show up for a day or two but other than there werent any guys up there. turned out the bishop showed up while we were gone and some other guys whod driven up with him to drop off some food offered to help him look for us.

eventually the search party found us and we all stuck to our story when they asked us what had happened. i think we also said that initially wed been lost and really scared but then we said a prayer and just like that we found a path! and thats why they found us on a trail even though wed supposedly run off into the woods at random. it was very dramatic and spiritual. and also complete bullshit.

so we finally get back to camp and the leaders are all fretting over us. the girl who "followed the deer" did get a lecture about not chasing wild animals because they could be dangerous but that was about it. no big repurcussions.

that night we had a devotional, which is basically just the whole group sitting around the campfire and telling stories about when they felt the holy spirit or whatever. usually the leaders will start off by reading some scriptures or a talk from some church official and then theyll turn it over to the kids to talk about their experiences. in the middle of this, a deer wandered into the clearing near our camp. some of the girls pointed it out because cool, a deer. but the moment the three of us saw it, my friend who had supposedly followed a deer into the woods earlier that same day jumped up and shouted "thats the deer!"

for some reason everyone, including the adults, took it at face value that this random deer in the woods must be the exact same one wed supposedly seen earlier that day and also that it was some sort of sign that god had been looking out for us while we were "lost"

looking back on it now it doesnt really seem like a big lie but it felt like a huge deal at the time because we lied to The Bishop. for a long time i considered this to be the worst thing id ever done. we never came clean to anyone whod been there at the time and i dont think i even told my mom the real story until like a decade later lol

that story ended up being way longer than i thought it would be lol (ive told it before but never written the whole thing out so the word count is surprising) but its probably the most exciting lie ive got. the alternative stories are mostly like "i was super depressed but didnt think that would be considered a valid reason to bail on something so i said i had a migraine" so i think it was the best option despite the length. also its been a while since i thought about this and it made me nostalgic so yay

thanks for asking!! i had a lot of fun answering these (you can tell by how long this post ended up being lol)

[masonjarsmoments]

Top 5 tennis players

Top 5 animals

Top 5 memories

Top 5 Tennis Players:

There are some new faces on this list but they just robbed my hart in storm

1. Casper Ruud - home boy (when I got into Tennis for the first time in 2017/18 I scrolled down in the rankings until I found the first Norwegian and said you are coming home with me when I found Casper somewhere in the 140s and he was my favourite ever since) only player I've seen playing live and talked to so far

2. Andrea Petković - home girl and I don't care that she isn't active anymore because for me she is Tennis and the main reason I fell in love with this sport - she is an icon, one of the prettiest women I've ever seen and her way with words is everything. I love her both want to be her and be with her

3. Daniil Medvedev - definitely wouldn't have thought that when I first started watching tennis because I was a Stefanos girl back then and kinda disliked Daniil ?? Crazy I know. I love how different he is in so many ways his tennis persona is so unique smart and extraordinary and then he is just a nerdy dude that might look a but boring sometimes off court the perfect mix.

4. Aryna Sabalenka- I just want her to give me hug with her strong arms, smile at me and tell me that everything will be fine.

5. Andrey Rublev - I just want to hug him with my not strong arms smile at him and tell him that everything will be fine. He is sunshine and rain in one and even though I am a rainy day autumn girly myself for him i hope there's more sunshine than rain.

Top 5 animals:

1. Elephants - my first stuffy that i had and still cuddle today is an Elephant called Elefanti

2. Cats - I grew up with cats and they are just the best - really don't trust people who dont like cats

3. Kuhs (cows) - its a group chat thing but they are also just cute

4. Sheep/lambs - kinda random but look st them ?? Also I spend so much time at the north see there's no way around them (literally we were in the middle of a horde once and had to wait for an hour )

5. Penguins - just loyal and there was this gay penguin couple in our zoo and they were everything to me

Top 5 Memories (this was such a hard one)

1. My first ballet production I've danced in when I was 8 years old - it was just amazing (besides the costume I was a shellfish and was wearing a weird thing on my head) mostly because of the time that we spend together before and after our part (I was on stage for a total of 10 min) because we just were in one of the classrooms watching barbie movies and playing sing star.

2. First time I went to Lillehammer and saw Lysgårdsbakkene Hoppanlegg because she is beauty she is grace and Lily is home. Also every other time i went there especially Raw Air 2020 with my wonderful friends, Pero winning, Stephan podium, a wild Fannis that nearly killed us with his stares, inside jokes it was just a great time.

3. All the group chat road trips because I can't choose but here are some highlights: Ruhpolding, the cheesecake in Berchtesgaden, playing UNO in the car while waiting for the rain to stop, Picknicks in the sunset, cross country skiing, our raod trip Playlists, Ireland, watching les mis together in London from the first row.

4. Our school trip to Poland in 10th grade it was a tough one because it was all about remembering the Holocaust and we had to prepare presentations and there was a survivor who told us their story and we spent a whole week in Oświęcim working on a project and spend a lot of time in both camps for research. We learnt so much and it shaped us all it was a really impressive time and i am still so grateful that we got the chance to do this.

5. Spending time with my Aupair friends in Norway especially all the Sunday afternoons in espresso house, Kristiansand in winter (not to recommend but we made the best out of it) skiing together, our the voice evenings, evenings at the German Church, tacco kveld, 17.Mai and so on

[scattered-winter]

1, 4, and 24!!! pls!!!!

1: what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

i did already answer this one like. this morning BUTTT i dont remember anything about what i said so. ill answer it again <3 - i think the biggest and most obvious one to me is the farm boy upbringing. like idk. having to wake up at the asscrack of dawn every day growing up to go get some work done before school and having to work through blizzards because the animals still need fed even when its cold and late at night has definitely taught me a lot and shaped my work ethic i think? i don't like it when older people give our generation shit for "not knowing how to work" or "having it too easy" or whatever but. i really do think working on a farm can be good for a lot of people just because a lot of the grit and resilience i have now probably comes from that. there's no weaseling out of the work, because the animals need feeding and the crops need watering and the work needs to get done even when you don't want to do it. and on a less psychological level i really really enjoy manual labor because its what i've always done - music for sure !! i started piano lessons when i was 5 (my grandma was my teacher) and ive been singing since very young too. my family's favorite activity when we get together is to just gather around the piano and sing and make up harmonies on the spot and such. its a lot of fun - my siblings have influenced me a lot too. especially the three closest to me in age because i spent the most time with them growing up. but there's common mannerisms we share and even though we're all very very different people, things don't really feel right unless we're all together

4: what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

couldn't decide between them so i'm giving you two. cope w it <3 FRENCH BREAD and DANG, THAT'S A HOT UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

24: what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

not to get real on a monday night but. leaving the church was genuinely one of the hardest and most isolating things i've ever done. i'm the only member of my family who has done so, and all of my friends/all the people i knew growing up are part of it too so by severing my ties to the church i kind of had to cut a lot of them off, too. it took years for me to be able to fully cut myself off from the environment, and it sucked pretty much the WHOLE time lmao but. im really proud of myself for doing it. because im so much better off now than i was 5 years ago. there's still a lot of old fear and things i'm still trying to unlearn that i will probably be spending the rest of my life grappling with but honestly i think the hardest part was initially leaving. and i've already done that. so. honestly im very proud of myself for that

ask game

[baby-yaga]

yesterday, post burial, on our way back to the church to grab a plant, my mom told me, "love him for who he was, dont hate him for who he wasnt. thats the best way to go through life without baggage." and i get where she was coming from, but i dont think thats right.

sometimes people say that the opposite of love isnt hate, its indifference. i did love my dad. i also hated him. they never cancelled each other out. i can love him for his warmth, his humor, his intelligence, his gregariousness, and still hate him for his absence, the abuse, the neglect, how he gave so much of himself to everyone else but his 3 children.

im haunted by my mom telling me that my dad once told her, "if i knew then what i know now, we never wouldve gotten divorced." i cant even picture what that wouldve been like. there was a brief period after my dad left his late wife, where he was living with us again. my parents werent together, it was basically a roommates situation, and in all honesty it was the best part of my teen years.

we had all been through a lot. his late wife was abusive to pretty much everyone in her life, except when she was passed out on oxy. i was deeply resentful of my dad remaining married to her despite how horribly she treated my brother and i, and also him. when she passed away, we were all having dinner with my sister, and when my dad told trey and i what happened, i think it was really shocking to him that we looked at each other, and replied, "good."

but when he lived with us again, it was weird, but it wasnt bad. i liked having him around all the time. i liked getting to spend time with him for real. he picked me up from school, we ate dinner together, watched movies, i started going to the gym with him. we were living together when i went on my first date ever. we were living together when i came out to him. we were living together when i tried to kill myself.

but it didnt last forever. he moved in with a new girlfriend eventually. he kept it a secret, so when he moved in without telling me before hand, i was so mad. i wouldnt go over to their place, a duplex that was less than 5 minutes from our house. i wouldnt meet his girlfriend. i think i was hurt beyond words that he was breaking up our family again, but i didnt realize that until just now.

he tried to force it one night, wanted to ground me if i didnt come. we got into a tug of war match over my laptop in the entry way. i was so frustrated, hurt, i felt so un-heard, i screamed, "i hate you! i never want to see you again!"

he looked surprised. then, he looked devastated. he put down my laptop gently on the entryway table, and left without a word.

he called that night, and explained himself. he said something like, "a friends son passed away recently. i just dont want to lose our relationship."

i said, "im sorry that happened, dad. but i wish you wouldnt try to make me feel bad just because you feel bad."

he replied, "so im just supposed to feel miserable by myself?"

i dont remember what i said exactly. it was something to the effect of, "fine! keep making everyone around you miserable, until you have no one around but yourself!" i slammed the phone down. this was in like, 2008 or so, so we still had a landline, lol.

we didnt speak for 2 weeks. he picked up my brother to come sleep at his place, didnt speak to me, and then would leave. i didnt know that what i wanted was for him to move back in for good. it wasnt reasonable, really. he wanted to date, i think he felt weird about it while living with my mother, and also he didnt have his own room, he was sleeping in a bunk bed with my brother. so i understand now why him moving out happened. but at the time i was so upset hed kept it a secret from me. i still think that was the wrong move. if hed been open about it, given me some time to adjust without springing it on me, it mightve gone a little smoother.

anyway, the night i spoke to him again. he was coming over to pick up trey again. i started crying and threw myself at him. i said i was sorry over and over. i missed him so much. i loved him so much. i just wanted him to be my dad again.

he just held me, and rocked me back and forth. he kissed the top of my head and said, "its ok, its ok." we stood like that for a long time, until i stopped crying. i met his new girlfriend that night. they showed me the room theyd prepared, a bed and everything, for my brother and i to share. it was the first time id ever had a place to stay at his house. before, i was sleeping on the couch, or, when my step-brother was in basic training, i got to sleep on his futon. it meant so much to me.

i miss him. ive missed him my whole life, it seems. missing him isnt new. but this is different. it feels like theres an empty pit inside of me that i was positive was bottomless, but its somehow gotten deeper.

[felikatze]

binding blade thoughts (again), abt religion this time. so the elimine church is one of only TWO major religions in the ENTIRE FRANCHISE to not worship dragons, alongside whatever ashera's religion is called in the tellius games

and the elimine church is specifically EXTREMELY christian. elimine is basically jesus. she is considered to be the incarnation of god on earth and stated to have ascended to heave after her passing, which also tells us the elimine church has a concept of heaven as an afterlife

additionally from various supports we see that priests hold regular mass, and that proselytizing is also a part of the religion (though, fortunately, the bishop yoder frowns upon forced conversion, and will just leave anyone of other religions alone, cuz they already have something to worship)

yoder's supports also confirm that the elemental affinities are not just something for players, but rather the characters know about them in universe, and there ARE diverging theological beliefs in how they came to be. the elimine church state that the affinities were a gift from god (specifically, a nameless all powerful creator god, which drew me to the obvious christianity comparison to begin with), and the sacaen spiritual belief states that the affinities come from the earth itself and act akin to protective spirits

people also have some means to discern which affinity they fall under, as dayan directly states he is protected by the anima affinity

i dont think other games have this direct integration of game mechanics into theology? which is wild. it's so fascinating for support bonuses to have lore.

as a result of that, the elimine church also seems to have a strong "love thy neighbour" ethic, especially since belief in elimine is associated with the healing arts. staves are considered holy tools of elimine. all characters who start with staves are either direct members of the church, or troubadours. both troubadours (clarine and priscilla) come from etruria, where belief in elimine is a state religion

that casts a fun light on druids usint staves... call it a hunch, but i don't think niime is a very devout person.

ALSO! DRAGONS! so, yoder, our leading bishop, remember, seems to not mind dragons very much. he says that the return of dragons must be "prevented" and if it cannot, then dragons should "return to their own world", which is all very gentle phrasing.

however, our only non-mario kart depiction of elimine, in heroes, is WAY MORE VIOLENT?

"Never forget that dragons are but destruction given form."

Whereas Yoder seems wary of dragons out of a fear it may restart the Scouring, Elimine straight up advocates for killing em. It seems that her endless compassion does not extend to them.. huh...

It honestly seems like that aspect of her character just got watered down over the thousand years between the Scouring and Binding Blade. With dragons all but gone for the world, people stopped worrying about them, and they became objects of legend. Notably, the perception of dragons as demons does still exist - in Niime's support chain with Fae, she retells the Scouring just so, substituting demon for dragon, but soon drops that belief once she sees Fae is just a wee little baby, and just as much a person as anyone else.

Honestly, the belief in a god who created the earth, alongside the terminology of Divine Dragons - I want to know the relationship between those so bad. Unfortunately, Sophia and Fae have no supports with any priests. The only one who does is Igrene, with Saul.

And in that one, she says that she doesn't believe in god anymore, but that before she became an atheist, she specifically believed in a different god. Alongside statements that Sophia is a priestess of Nabata, this clearly indicates that Nabata, and perhaps dragonkind, have a different main religion, with a different god. There is like, zero lore, on what they would have worshipped, but i do wonder if that is where Divine Dragons come into play.

From the Igrene/Saul support we also see how the god of the Elimine Church is characterized. Mainly, as a kind god, yet one who will not intervene in mortal affairs out of belief that humans can make their own path. If you don't believe in god, god still believes in you, that type of stuff. Works well with the healing angle that priests do good in the name of god and all that jazz.

I ran out of things to say.

TLDR; the cast of the Binding Blade and the Blazing Blade are the only FE characters who can and will say "Oh my god"

[gayerthanevertbh]

Hi, u can call me l. I'm a Jap Filo who is currently living in Japan. A Carol stan and im new here.

I dont know how thise eorks but i usually read in ao3 and i saw people under comments that they interact eith the suthors more in tumblr so i msde one. And I happedn to came across your fic called: lights, camera, action only because i saw your icon which is natsha in bun and if I may ask are you planning to continue it?

I actually did experience the same thing as yours and I am really sorry you had to go through that. But mine was a lot different because it happened mostly online, I don't know how to put it but yeah. I was sent photos, videos, we made calls, she made me do things and have it sent to her online, I experienced it with my teacher in 7th grade; my Mom found out when we were about to migrate in Japan. We went to court once before I flew here and I actually forgot everything about it. But when I was in 10th grade evrything crashed back to me, I strted getting scared going to school also bullies here in Japan are worst. so I decided to work, I stopped studying.

Last year christmsd we flew back to the ph and the first news I got when I stepped in our van was I have to be attend a hearing because their side knew we were going back in home. I nver thought that the case was still on going after how many years. She even messaged me to show up in hearing, that she's sorry, she's building a family now and is 2 months pregnant and that at some point we have to put an end to it she said

But you know what? Nothing happened, I lost. My Mom couldn't pay the lawyer anymore and I had to go back here in Japan before the hearing could actually happen. I was so devastated, I only wanted her license to be revoked so she couldn't teach anymore. And ivee heard a lot of casesone from my friend back there in ph that if the teacher was caught or like reported harassing a student their license wouldn't be taken from them instead the school would just kick them out (it can be taken if the school are doing their job but gues what? Its Philippines. The system is fucked up, the justice is nowhere to be found if you lay under the lowest hierarchy). And funny thing my friend said, after they were kicked out they would always settle in the provinces there in PH, which I found very accurate because I found out that she moved in a suburban province in ph, i yhink its pampanga.

I could still remember how I lied being sick one sunday afternoon, my family are going to church that time so they left me to rest but I sneaked out and went to her place.

And also, the pandemic made much more worst. I started questioning everything, everything I receive and everything I feel. I remember saying, 'I love you' to her and the fact that when I went to the first hearing to find that I couldn't hate her. My cousins were explaining to me that it was wrong, she did something bad to me, but to me it was right it felt right. I never understood how court hearing lawyers works before but when I saw her I knew she has been crying, I could still remember her eyes fuck her look tht time it was the worst state of hers that I had ever seen and I knew from then that I want it to stop so I pleaded for my Mom not to go through the case and flying to Japan made me think that everything was finally over she wouldn't suffer anymore and so do I.

I even tried messaging one last time using the new account my Mom made me which she also had accessed that time, I risked it all but I never found her account it was already deleted i think

I never went to therapy, my Mom never sent me to one and I actually don't know if it'll help. But my friends in ph asked me to go to one and i also been working so i am considering it for a while and ive been also foing sh lately iwant yo go back yo school but my family back in ph eont let me.

I don't know why am I sharing this to you im actually crying while writing this. Because you know what? Until now, I still couldn't figure it out. Half of me still thinks that that was love and it's msking me sick that i was glad we werent able to bring everything back again in the court i fuvking hate it.

I don't know maybe i just wanted to find out your story, how your story went how you overcame everything. The freedom i would never feel.

I font know how this works i wish i could really talk to you.

I'm reall sorry

hi, i read through your message over and over again and im truly sorry. you have no idea how devastated i am for you, and i wish i could even hug you. please feel free to message me, talk to me if you want. im all ears for you. 🤍

[magnoliamyrrh]

What drove you to convert to islam?

well, thats a long story now

i was born and raised orthodox - ive always had a complicated relationship with religion, because on the one hand there is a lot of beauty, peace, and wisdom i found in it, on the other hand theres plenty of shit that either just didnt make sense to me, theologically speaking, and also a bunch of mostly sexist shit which really pissed off me since i was a kid. i do have a lot of religious trauma - mostly from my fathers side of the family who is much more orthodox, conservative, traditional, and who very much shoved religion (and a bunch of sexist shit) down my throath, got the idea of being inherently sinful in my head as a kid, whole bunch of shit. my father is also.... psychotic and he is what we call a habotnic, a religious extremist who, well, has bordderrrline essentially more or less joined a cult-like section of the orthodox church made up mostly of men whod been kicked out of the church (many who also happen to be pedos lmao rip) and i grew up with religion being used to justify a whole bunch of horrible shit - shit he did to me, how he treats and abuses his wife, etc

so, when i got older, 11-12 ish, i very much had a backlash against it. nevermind being an atheist, nevermind an edgy atheist faze, i outright hated it and found it to be wholly dangerous. and i did indeed have valid complaints mostly abt sexism, homophobia, hypocrisy, etc. at the same time, i had a fascination with dissecting religion and trying to understand it and studying it, something i had even before then. this went on for some years, and i continued to have an interest in theology; eventually, when i was idk 14ish, i started to have some softer and more malluable views on religion and orthodoxy - also coincided w understanding that religion wasnt what made my father an insane piece of shit, it was simply a tool he used to justify things and a path he went down on - but he could have gone insane down whatever other line

so, for a time i tried to get back into orthodoxy. this was partially from a spiritual perspective, but tbh moreso bc i was trying to keep onto something which reminded me of home in this damn empty and cold country. this is when i started to veil too, before i had anything at all to do w islam, i started praying, i started keeping onto certain traditions more. also when i got into traditional romanian magic moreso. still, i may have been trying to take the best of orthodoxy, but i felt like it never really... fit. there is a lot of beauty i still find in it to this day, and occasionally i still go to a monestary or church, i still hold onto certain traditions but no matter how hard i tried i never quite... felt it? .... and either way, after you have gone through a certain amount of horror in life, it tends to get harder to believe in things like the divinity of everything or that theres any possible sense at all to all the horrid cruelty on this planet etc etc.... i do still struggle w this to this day lol. but. also, i knew christianity so well, had already turned it on every which side, i found that even if i tried, i still had a long series of theological issues with it (many of which i dont remember after all these years, but i do remember that the trinity was one of them)

anyhow, i did keep trying for awhile. and in this whole process, i kept coming across things abt islam. this was also the years when islam was always in the news, usually in a negative light or something abt terrorism, so, it was quite frequently part of mainstream discussions. and i was curious, bc of that, bc i was curious abt theology in general, and bc partially growing up in dobrogea, i knew a very gentle and soft, beautiful islam which was the one of the turks and tatars, who were our neighbors w good food and good music and gentle, soft spoken voices like honey who were always nice to me. and i knew of islam from story books and such, one of my favourite childhood books to this day is a beautifully drawn romanian version of one thousand and one nights. so, idk, i kept coming across things, and i was curious so i looked into it

and... hm. i dont remember quite what first got me. but i did find it interesting, and i found that it solved some of the theological issues and gaps that i had with christianity, answered quesions to which the orthodox seemed to have no answer, made things click into place here and there, annuled some of the illogical loops and hypocricy which bothered me.. i found the analysis and discussion around it fascinating, so much more lively than ones i had seen in orthodoxy. i found the way hadith and quran functioned together to be fascinating, and the entire system behind it - even if today i hold different views of hadith.... i found sharia to be fascinating - and how things would fit into place and work together, shifting parts of a whole legal system and way of life intertwined. sharia always carries such a scary connotation to so many people, and yet, i dont think its a system bound neither to failure neither to opression - the question here is moreso whose sharia interpreted by who and implemented by who. i didnt have any plan to convert to it lol, and yet, it intrigued me enough that i felt a drive to keep digging and digging into it, to keep turning over in my head this and that about it, like some string or force was pulling me

most of all i think i found the qur'an itself to be.. captivating, once curiousity got to me and i started reading it. like sharia, it clearly had to be understood as a whole, and reading it for the first time and seeings its progression and how it builds upon itself was an experience in and of itself. i genuinely enjoyed spending hours reading and listening abt what this means what that meant etc. and it is so direct and personal, moreso than many other religious texts. i did find many parts of it stricking, moving, piercing. its prose and flow are beautiful. it feels alive, as if it is speaking to you, looking back into your eyes and right through your soul. i fell in love with it. and yet, it also feels like this capsule in time - while i no longer hold the commonly held idea that the qur'an is unchanged and there is only one, it can be said that as far as studies can tell from the oldest quranic manuscripts found, it is indeed remarkably well preserved - as if reading the pages you can hear and see them echo throughout time, back to when the words were first spoken..... quran recitation is very beatiful too, and i found there to be something... very meditative, tranquil, calm, soothing in it. something else that felt like it echoed through time. it also reminded me of the way orthodox priests give sermons, which i always found very beautiful and entrancing as well

i appreciated its call for reason, that i do remember particularly drew me in. that it would repetedly, repetedly call for one to question and think and it would give examples of the existence of divinity and explanations and even ask one to try to disprove things- it felt less like blind faith, more like this book was holding an active dialogue with you, and i really liked that. many of them are so beatiful too, many of them call upon nature and its wonders, and i supoose, even when my belief in a god was on very shaky ground, in nature i always saw divinity anyhow. i did find it interesting too how many of the verses did show an understanding of natural phenomenon, could be interpreted in a way which was less science-breaking than the bible, and called upon these phenomenon as signs of divinity.... and i appreciated its call to justice as well, its striving for a just system, society, and way of life. i appreciated its call to struggle for the sake of allah - jihad, which doesnt only mean wartime fighting (which is supoosed to be a very last resort).... its call for the end of opression, and the responsability of each person to do something about ending said opression and injustice

i found its understanding of god to be beautiful, and to make sense - my understanding of this developed more later when i came across sufism, and when i started doing shrooms too lol, but. i always felt the heart of it. which is the oneness of god, pure monotheism; because god is one, and god is indeed all that exists; indeed, everything is one. this is the same thing psychedelics teach you - ego death as its often called - and what many religious rituals of plenty of religions around this world seek to understand, achieve, feel, live by. it could be said that since there are high chances human conciousness developed along w psychedelic use, and since our african ancestors certainly did psychedelics, we are indeed genetially and biologically programmed as a part of our evolution and history to experience and understand ego death - to see and feel and become the connection and thread which runs through everything, the oneness of everything, the singularity of everything, unbound by time. this is what islam seeks as well.... hm. i liked that islam understood allah, unlike in christianity in which god is reffered to almost exclusively as a father sort of figure, to be not like any other thing, and most certainly not male. unbound, unconstrained, never fully knowable to us as humans..the 99 names of allah are beatiful, and i was drawn in by how many times the qur'an proclaimed allah to be all merciful, all forgiving, all loving, etc

.... there was something about it all, the more i looked into it, which brought me a sense of peace, calmness, ease... i found the way of life it promoted to be one of peace - i liked that you were supposed to pray five times a day, i liked that there were certain ways of doing things, i liked that muslims lived like the older romanian people did, always mentioning the name of allah and always aware of divinity. the idea of freedom not being getting to do whatever you may please, but rather living by a series of constraints, to make much sense - and i was drawn to it a lot more than this modern western do what you want individual freedom reigns supreme mindset... i liked that sharia was concerned with the common good and community before it was concerned with the individual.. i liked that islam promoted a middle path, i liked that it called for moderation and reason (things which my father never had), and showed a way of life which was almost monk-like, without leading to monastic seclusion.... i had always wanted to be a nun, you see, and parts of islam drew me in because of that. there were certainly many muslims, mainly sisters, who impressed me in their faith and way of life, the energy and aura that would clearly radiate off of them - women who lead by example, and by only doing so, would make one curious as to how they have come to be this way

i had an interest in other religions as well. i knew some of my ancestors were jewish, and yet judaism is a hard religion to convert to, and harder to be accepted into - and while i have read the old testament several times, i never quite felt a strong connection to it. i was fond of other christian denominations like the quakers for example, i found some of the theological points of protestants to be intriguing, but i still had many of the same issues with it. i find hinduism, buddhism, and sikhism to be beautiful religions with much wisdom - and to an extent being fond of certain kinds of sufism is to adopt a hindu or south east asian influence or to reach similar understandings at least; they are sister religions - but while i look into them, they never really felt like something id follow; not on their own

islam brought me a sense of home, it all did. so much of it simply made sense to me and clicked into place, it felt like learning something i had already known, discovering something that had always been within myself - i supoose, this is why we use the word revert rather than covert, because it feels more like coming back into the fold of islam..... and hm. both arab and turkish cultures felt... very much like home to me, never like something foreign. they made sense, i instantly understood them, both the good and bad parts - so many things were so similar to our own, and to me, they felt, and still do feel, like a second home. later after some years of converting when id go to masjids and eid and such, i again very much found that among the arabs i felt so much more at home than i ever did among the americans. and islam itself, there are many things which i saw which were so similar to orthodoxy, and this brought me a sense of comfort and home as well. and i always associated islam too with the turks and tatars in dobrogea, and so, islam never felt like a foreign thing to me - as converting to another religion may have - rather the religion and culture of our neighbors whom we had so much in common with

.... it just.. it really felt like there was some force pulling me, i had a unending thirst and drive to understand more. id get lost in spending hours reading the quran, id get lost in spending hours trying to understand it. id spend the nights awake reading and contemplating..... i dont know if it makes sense, but i dont mean this in a meme way - it very much felt like islam chose me, not like i chose it. it very much felt like i had become muslim before i had made any such decision, my soul had already made it for me, and i was the one who later realized and accepted it. islam, the word, comes from the word submission, sometimes said to mean peace in submission. i had already felt it in my bones, the submission to its truth and allah, the onesess of everything, before i realized it. it simply was - looking back, it was a very similar feeling to the one you get on psychedelics. you simply.. understand.... i knew my family would likely forsake me. i knew my country outside of dobrogea would forsaken me. i knew many muslims would forsake me for being gay.... but even if i had wished to go back, it was too late, for i had already seen, and felt, and understood, and there was no denial left. alhamdulilah, i do thank allah for guiding me, for it certainly felt like being guided

i have never known as much peace as i knew in those first, hm, months and years, despite the fact that things were hard back then, especially with my family, and my parents were at the peak of being abusive. i never felt such a connection to god and everything, such a suredness, groundedness, and strengh of faith...... it is something i miss, and i regret that these days i do not often pray the five daily prayers, and do not keep fast as often as i did, and do not live with allah in my heart as much. inshallah, i will get back on the path. i did used to be a lot more orthodox back then, islamically orthodox. and as the years passed my relationship with islam and allah changed, and when i came across sufism for the first time, i realized that it was the heart and soul of the religion which i knew, had felt myself, and had been searching for

i believe there is truth in all religions, they are different paths to take, different understandings which seek the same goal. i do not believe in sects, nor do i believe in devision between religions much... we all have our paths; my understandings of islam may have changed over the years, and i may have had, and still have, my struggles, but this will always be the home and refuge of my soul, and the path i walk

[blissfullybloomed]

“The music is all around us. All you have to do is listen”- Freddy Highmore, August Rush

Good Morning beautiful people! Everyone loves music….yeah, actually everyone. 

Isn't it the coolest thing when you can find people that listen to the same type of music as you do?

When one person enjoys jazz(my papaw), one enjoys electronic dance music(YALL), one or two enjoy native american flute music(my spa peeps), and some more enjoy Simon & Garfunkel(my old-er peeps.) That's when you see  the universal language of music has now brought together different cultures, ideas, and personalities. 

Music has been around since the dawn of time. It's also evolutionary….Just like we are. We as humans evolve into different versions of ourselves as we grow and mature into adults. Our musical preferences change and grow too. I can't imagine you were listening to Buddy Bolden(African-American jazz pioneer from New Orleans), when you were five years old. If you were…you had some dope parents! Your parents and your surroundings subjected you to different types of music, people and places. You know what's cool though? When you find someone else who also listens to Buddy Bolden…and knows his history- you now have a new friend. 

I have curated sooooo many relationships over music. I once fell in love with someone from Sweden over music….it's an entire feeling yall. He had music I had never heard before, and we bonded over that. Still friends to this day!  When you find the music that takes your breath away, and makes the hair on your neck stand up….that's magic. That's love in my opinion. And yeah…music makes me extremely emotional when it hits right. 

I was in a band (YEAH- Im a total band geek through and through) for eight years. I remember they came in during 5th grade and asked us to try and make noise through all these brass instruments….Im not a brass person…LOL. I found my home with the clarinet. I think I was the 6th generation clarinet player? Fam…help me out with that one. No clue…but the clarinet is cool…I still have a hard time “hearing the beat” when reading music for the first time ....but once I hear the tune, I'm golden. Someone has to play the tune for me to hear….communicating musically…universal language. Music is the best. 

Music has let me live through a lot of trauma in my life as well. I'm sure several of you reading this know exactly what I'm talking about here. If you dont…next time you feel happy, play a sad song…see what happens. Your entire mood shifts. Your brain was like….uhm, HALP! 

This is also where this blog may offend you….hang in with me…

I remember being young in church, standing proudly and singing with my gran and papaw to songs like, “ How Great Thou Art”, and I would secretly stop singing so I could hear them sing together. It is still to this day one of my favorite church memories. Papaw's voice is super deep like the ocean, and gran…your voice is honestly angelic. You two are incredible people. Love you very much. I haven't been to church, or listened to any type of that musical genre since I was young. 

I remember riding to the campground in Bellefontaine,Ohio listening to the emo punk rock band,  My Chemical Romance,  with a friend. We didn't listen to it quietly either. We also were not sober when we would listen to it….at the time…I thought that was the best part. Not being sober, and being able to “lose “ myself in music. I didn't want to be in reality at that time of my life ...loud music got me through though…and so did my friend. Unfortunately, we fell out permanently. We had different paths, and that's okay. In hindsight, we both had each other …through one of the hardest, and unimaginable times in both our lives. Still a universal language, and musical communication. 

I remember hearing a man sing Disney songs in his truck- because he couldn't have know Disney music! I later married that man. He introduced me to Boyce Avenue(cover band), Journey….whew…this one is hard. Damn, I said two sentences, and I forgot how to type.

You got it Vic, keep moving. 

 I remember him acting an absolute idiot singing AeroSmith. This person is now my ex-husband. I fell in love with him over Disney music. The reason…my favorite childhood memory is watching Little Mermaid over and over again until the VHS Tape couldn't play anymore. He knew every word to not just Little Mermaid…all of em. He was a disney fanatic too.  That was all it took for me...I'm not sure he even knows that. I am very thankful for that small gift of musical communication…it united us. We are still supportive friends to this very day. Love you dude. Thank you. 

All of these musical memories have history, language, love, rage and vulnerability attached to them.

Each one a catalyst to the other in my own personal timeline. 

Each is a universal language that someone else understood during a time. 

In closing, music has saved my life more than once. Well cats too, but we aint talking about them yet. If you ever find yourself in the deepest depths of yourself and you feel like you can't claw your way out…try music. Just try it …see if it speaks to you. 

I bet it will. 

“La música es hermosa”

“Muzyka jest piekna”

“Muziki ni mzuri”

Yeah…its spanish, polish, and Swahili….get some education! I'm kidding of course…but while you're still here…go look up some polish music ….it's the coolest! 

Peace!