#well when he choses to sacrifice his friends in order to spare his enemies

[keithle]

one of my favourite things about epic the musical is the reused sets and aspects. for example, the "i'm just a man" was introduced in the first saga, troy, and is still being used in recent and upcoming songs, because it's such an important concept and piece about odysseus and his journey. same goes for "man vs. monster" but it's from the same song. the cool thing is (in my humble opinion) is that in ruthlessness from the ocean saga, IS also a new aspect that is being played now. in BOTH "the underworld" and "monster" from the underworld saga ody sings "ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves..." and "[...] if ruthlessness is mercy"

and that's SO smart. like hello? introducing new moral values/views is so AAA.

[emblemxeno]

Fire Emblem Fates: Personal Arcs and Thematic Parallels for the Royal Siblings

Introduction

As we all know by now, the royal siblings of Fates are all mirrors and contrasts with one another.

Xander and Ryoma are the wise and kind elder brothers who have the weight of their kingdoms’ futures on their shoulders, however Xander is an anxious stoic entrenched in state of denial who worked hard to get as strong as he is, whereas Ryoma is a charismatic natural talent, a huge hothead and has major prejudice issues.

Camilla and Hinoka are the caring elder sisters, with Camilla being overbearing and feminine and Hinoka being stubborn and tomboyish. 

Leo and Takumi are the intelligent younger brothers who face massive self esteem issues (in regards to their older brothers) and jealousy (in regards to Corrin), but while Leo’s problems are hidden under a layer of cold pragmatism and isolation, Takumi’s are front and center since he is very emotionally volatile. 

Elise and Sakura are the sweet and compassionate little sisters, with Elise being excitable and cheery and Sakura being shy and timid.

However, these aren’t the only parallels that exist between the siblings. More parallels are discovered when you look at the story closely. Especially when you lock down each of their personal arcs. Furthermore, close analysis reveals other interesting parallels, namely for Leo and Hinoka in regards to their brothers, Xander and Ryoma.

Themes, Arcs and Developments: Hoshido & Birthright

The development for the Hoshido siblings and the Birthright path is belief in others, collaboration and tolerance. The siblings start off separated from each other, with Takumi and Ryoma going missing and Hinoka having already left to go find them. 

Corrin’s belief in others gets tested through being double crossed by Zola, and the possibility of there being a traitor in the party. Nevertheless, his doubts don’t consume him, and his belief in himself and others gets him through tragedy. Many times in the story, trust and working together gets brought up, like during Chapter 14 where Corrin asks if anyone’s reluctant to move forward with the invasion, but his siblings reassure him. The same thing occurs when Corrin learns about the Rainbow Sage; at first he says if he needs to go alone, he will. But again, his siblings make sure to come with and support him. This dovetails into how the siblings personally develop as well.

Through Corrin accepting Sakura’s pleas to come with them, Sakura goes from meek and unsure princess to a strong willed young woman who’s able to punch Iago in the dick. Through being reassured and believed in by his family, Takumi goes from a prickly skeptic to a confident and heartfelt prince. Through learning of Nohr’s plight and accepting that he can’t do everything alone, Ryoma goes from a stubborn and prejudiced high prince to a tolerant King who seeks to break boundaries and misconceptions, walking hand in hand with his former enemy. The siblings enjoy their newfound perspective and the peace that comes with it; the peace their mother cherished.

Themes, Arcs and Developments: Nohr and Conquest

The development for the Nohrian siblings and the Conquest path is moving on to the future, where justice lies and change. Nohr and the siblings are set in their ways; doing what needs to be done to survive. Upon his return to Nohr, Corrin seeks to change that necessity and bring an era where Nohr can seek glory through mutual respect, not oppression. His willpower gets tested constantly; at times he succeeds in settling things peacefully, at other times he fails or his plan backfires. Still he moves on, working behind the scenes toward his own path of justice, along with his siblings who have done the same for much longer than he has.

Through Corrin’s leadership and conviction, Xander is shown the truth, and from that leaves behind his entrenched way of thinking. He grows from a scared crown prince set in his ways, into a benevolent King promising to bring prosperity to his kingdom through his own sense of justice. Camilla is able to cut away from the same mindset, no longer being afraid of the monster her father has become. Her love for her family outgrows her fear of Garon, the fear that was established during the aftermath of the Cheve rebellion. Elise starts out naive and innocent, but playing a part in the tragedies that unfold gives her perspective. When she first meets Sakura, she’s childish and selfish, but later comforts the Hoshidan princess during a time of great pain. At the end of the route, the two are fast friends as a result of Elise’s compassion. The siblings enjoy the light they are able to bring to their kingdom and the future they seek to walk towards.

The Outliers

But in all that, there remain two siblings whom I didn’t really name specifics for: Hinoka and Leo. This is because, other than the general development of the siblings as a collective and the themes of their routes, they don’t really change too much. Leo starts as the pragmatic executioner who imparts the course which Corrin begins to take, and remains as such later in Conquest. Hinoka is the stoic and determined princess whose concern is the protection of those she cares for, and she remains as such later in Birthright. Neither seems to have personal growth to accomplish other than the general themes of their routes. 

That is, until you look at the routes in which you oppose them.

In fact, a new form of development occurs for all of the siblings when you oppose them, and with that, come new parallels.

Opposing Paths and New Parallels

Xander and Ryoma remain each other’s mirror and contrast. On the respective paths that you oppose them on, they are the notable threat to overcome later in the game. You encounter both of them in earlier chapters as well, and both of their maps are escape objectives; this shows in gameplay how much stronger they are compared to Corrin and how it is the smarter decision to pull back and regroup. They both can’t forgive Corrin for betraying their kingdom and family, but while Xander accepts Corrin has turned traitor, Ryoma is intent on bringing him back by any means necessary. Upon Elise’s death at his hand, Xander falls into despair and forces Corrin to strike him down. Ryoma on the other hand, sacrifices himself to spare Corrin the hardship of striking him down when he realizes his brother is still the kind soul he thought he was. 

The elder brothers are the ultimate test of Corrin’s resolve, to see if he’s ready to finish the path he started. The loss of these two are a tragedy, and the impact is felt in many ways.

Takumi and Elise gain new mirrors and contrasts with each other. For starters, each of them get inflicted with illness and reveal a truth they wouldn’t otherwise have awareness of during their delirium. It’s the suffering of these two that gets highlighted the most on routes you oppose them. Elise is miserable from her family being broken apart, and has to escape her home just to find some semblance of joy. Takumi meanwhile, lashes out more and more against Corrin, becoming more volatile and suffering from constant headaches. Elise only fights you once (and even then she’s an optional fight), while Takumi fights you the most out of any other sibling. Both of them end up losing their lives through indirect means; Elise throws herself in front of Xander’s sword in a bid to get him to stop fighting. Takumi throws himself off the Great Wall of Susano-o, blinded by rage, frustration and sadness. 

Takumi and Elise are major victims of this war and the path Corrin chose, victims who expressed their misery in different ways.

Camilla and Sakura are each other’s mirror and contrast. These two probably have the most difficult parallels to pin down, but they are there nonetheless. When Corrin chose Hoshido, Camilla lost her security; her family is broken apart and she can’t do anything to stop it. She is forced to accept that Corrin has left her to join Hoshido, and finally comes to terms with it after her second encounter. When Corrin chose Nohr, Sakura lost her solace; her country is being invaded, she had just lost her mother and now her older sibling is choosing to go back to the kingdom responsible for her suffering. She is forced to suck it up and defend her home on the from the front lines. Instead of development coming naturally due to positive reveals and encouragements, both sisters are forced to change in order not to break entirely. 

Camilla and Sakura are loving sisters who now have to accept a harsh reality during and after a war they had no control of.

Bear the Crown, Bear the Development

That leaves Hinoka and Leo, and this is where they each get major development as opposed to their native routes. 

Hinoka and Leo were spared by Corrin after thinking they were gonna be killed, and eventually the thrones fall to them when the war concludes. After all, Hoshido favors kings over queens so if it wasn’t Ryoma, it would be Takumi. Nohr has an age based inheritance, so if it wasn’t Xander, it would be Camilla. Leo and Hinoka never dreamed it would be up to them to lead their kingdoms. When they bear the crown, they bear the weight of a responsibility they never expected.

However, when looking at it closely, it seems they also bear the character development their older brothers would’ve had.

Leo has battled feelings of inadequacy and jealousy in regards to his siblings already, but Corrin choosing Hoshido causes those feelings to surface. He’s angry and hurt over it all, but hides that under a layer of cold-bloodedness. Leo, promising to kill Corrin at every turn, thinks of his brother as dead to him.  However, Leo later finds himself. When talking with Corrin and seeing the truth about Garon, he realizes that Nohr doesn’t have to remain the way it is in order to survive. 

Leo at the end of Birthright begins to feel similar to Xander at the end of Conquest.

Hinoka has dealt with the guilt of Corrin’s kidnapping for over a decade. She became strong by choosing the path of the warrior as opposed of the princess. When Corrin chooses Nohr, she is in disbelief; after all, why would her brother return to to his kidnappers? She resolves to defeat him, and thinks of her dream of being a family again as a fantasy that will never come to fruition. However, Hinoka later believes otherwise. When talking with Corrin and seeing him and his Nohrian siblings work to end the war in a different way, she realizes that Hoshido’s beliefs about Nohr are wrong and that those misconceptions must be cleared. 

Hinoka at the end of Conquest begins to feel similar to Ryoma at the end of Birthright.

Conclusion

Leo and Hinoka each become the rulers that their kingdoms needed. They fill the space left by Xander and Ryoma. They don’t have personal arcs on their native routes nor on Revelation because there’s no absence to be filled; they can remain as they are, rather than be bound by the weight of the crown. Their rule as monarchs is bittersweet, for it’s a role neither of them expected, but they perform said role well nonetheless.

That’s, at least, how I feel about all of this. Of course, this whole thing isn’t a perfect interpretation, nor does the game handle this aspect as well as it could have. Hinoka still lacks in number of notable appearances compared to pretty much every other sibling; hell, there are even scenes in Birthright where every sibling except Hinoka appear. Leo, meanwhile, has many more scenes of importance, especially since he wields a divine weapon and his big hero moment triggers the Yato’s transformation during Conquest. The negative effects of Hinoka’s later addition are still very present, and it’s something that I hope would be done better in a possible Fates remaster. 

As it stands now though, I still think all of this is done well enough for everything I described. Fates’ story is smarter than one might think, and I believe all of this is an example of that.

[marshmallow-xphile]

My thoughts on the sexuality of some of my favorite X-files characters.

I posted this in my X-files amino back in June as part of a LGBTQ pride challenge and for some reason I only just thought to post it here as well.

Fox Mulder: openly bisexual

Mulder is so open sexually that I really don't think gender matters all that much to him. He does seem to prefer females but I wouldn't be even remotely surprised if he had a boyfriend or two in the past. I don't think he's flamboyant about his sexuality but I don't think he'd hide it at all either

My evidence:

In the season one episode "Ghost in the Machine" we meet an Mulder's ex-partner, Jerry, and I absolutely feel like there is an ex-lovers vibe to the both of them. They hug upon first seeing each other, Mulder looks incredibly happy to see him, when Mulder says they worked together Jerry corrects him to say they were partners at which point Mulder looks over at Scully as if to see her reaction. Mulder has this real guilty look to him. When Jerry acts a little self conscious Mulder is real quick to jump in and reassure him. They get in each other's personal space. It just really leaves me with the impression that they care deeply for one another and broke up for other reasons, perhaps the different career goals as Mulder tells Scully.

We also have Mulder with Krycek. From the very beginning of Krycek's involvement with the X-files I feel like the writers went out of their way to make a correlation between the change in partnership and a new partner in a relationship. There is a scene in Sleepless where Mulder and Scully are on the phone and Mulder tells Krycek he'll be right there, the rest of the conversation feels reminiscent of two exes chatting about the change brought about by the new relationship. Scully even brings up that it must be nice having a partner who doesn't question his every theory.

There were many scenes in Sleepless, Duane Barry, and Ascension in which Mulder and Krycek were alone but that we never got to see who knows for example what the two of them got to talking about while they were stuck in traffic during the drive to New York in Sleepless. Or how often they hung out between Sleepless and Duane Barry.

During Mulder and Scully's partnership Mulder only called her 'Dana' on a few emotional occasions. He started casually calling Krycek 'Alex' almost immediately.

Let us not forget the infamous speedo scene. While yes it definitely showed more of a Krycek attraction to Mulder than the opposite. It does make one wonder what led him to wear such a revealing bathing suit. How many straight men do you know who wear speedos? My guess is few. How many straight men wear speedos when they can reasonably assume their male partner will show up looking for them? Not many would be guess.

And then there is their relationship after Krycek is revealed to be a traitor. They both tend to act more like scorned lovers than enemies and notice that it's Mulder, not Krycek, who cannot seem to keep his hands off the other. Seriously it's like every time Krycek shows up, Mulder immediately grabs him.

Now here's a couple quotes from Mulder,

Krycek tells Mulder he most be losing it because Krycek beat him with one hand. Mulder's immediate reaction: "isn't that how you like to beat yourself?"

When the little man in Humbug is lined up pretty much exactly with Mulder's crotch he says that Mulder would be surprised how many women find his size alluring. Mulder's immediate reaction: "you'd be surprised how many men do as well"

How many straight guys do you know comfortable enough with their sexuality to make a gay innuendo? I personally cannot think of any.

Dana Scully: bicurious

I believe that Scully is sometimes attracted to women. It definitely is not as blatant as with Mulder and I really don't think she's had any past girlfriends but I definitely think that there is an attraction.

My evidence:

In the episode "Ice" I really felt like there are a few tender moments between her and Felicity Huffman's character especially while they were examining one another for the worms. That examination had a sort of sexual energy to it I thought.

In the episode "kill switch" theres a moment where the Invisagoth asked if she could have her handcuffs removed or if she should type with her tongue. Mulder mentions that she doesn't want a vote there and the look on Scully's face and the way she licks her lips, I definitely get the impression that she would have been perfectly happy to see what Invisagoth could get up to with that tongue.

Some people point to Scully's relationship with Reyes as evidence of her bisexuality, I personally don't see any attraction there on Scully's side but I don't think its outside the realm of possibility.

Monica Reyes: Closeted lesbian

This one's probably a surprise I know there was something between here and Brad as well as a flirtation with Doggett so you would probably think she was Bisexual but honestly was either one of those even remotely convincing? To me they weren't. I believe that Reyes is a lesbian.

I kind of go back and forth on whether she's open about it. Reyes is very spiritual and open so it seems strange that she would be in the closet but maybe she has a reason, fear of it affecting her career in the FBI perhaps? It just seems strange that she keeps pursuing these heterosexual relationships she has no passion for unless she is trying to hide her true passion.

My evidence:

I admit I really have very little evidence but look at the relationship between Reyes and Brad Follmer. It had all the chemistry of two people who got really drunk once and cannot remember sleeping together. I don't for a second believe she was ever in love with Brad nor he in love with her.

Then you've got the same thing between her and Doggett. Yes the writers were obviously trying for a romantic angle with the two of them but to me it never came across as convincing. It seemed more like she thought of him as a good friend and figured she might as well date him, I saw no evidence of love or attraction.

On the other hand look at her and Scully. While I feel like the attraction there was one sided I definitely feel like Reyes was into Scully or Dana as she would call her. Reyes was willing to risk her life for Scully and yes that is her job after all but Reyes seems to take that above and beyond and it's not just Scully herself but also William. Look at how protective Reyes is of William in The Truth and of the sacrifice Scully made in giving him up. She seems to care even more than Mulder on that.

Cigarette-Smoking-Man: Asexual

CSM has probably had sex at some point, he is of course the father of at least three children but I do not think that he was ever in love with any of these women or even attracted to them. I believe they were all just a means to an end.

I believe that CSM's only love was for his cigarettes

Evidence:

There is a little bit of evidence that he might have actually felt something for Teena Mulder but I don't buy it. He freely admits that he felt nothing for Cassandra Spender but he must've been convincing if he got her to marry him and we have seen him fake emotions more than once. He also seemed to show an attraction to Scully in En Ami but that too was just a means to an end. Perhaps he does feel something towards all the women he has impregnated but I wouldn't call it love. I don't see any real attraction there either. My bet is that CSM needed some "help" in order to produce his offspring.

Alex Krycek: Gay

While Krycek did have an obviously sexual relationship with Marita Covarrubias he definitely didn't have any real feelings for her and I don't buy attraction either. No I'd say they were both just trying to use sex to get what they wanted. His anger at finding the Russian boy gone wasn't because he was heartbroken at her betrayal. Merely mad that she'd managed to get the upper hand.

Whether Krycek is open or in the closet I'm not sure, I'm thinking it probably depends on the mission hes on at the time.

Evidence:

Of everyone on this list I'd say Krycek is the one I'm the most sure of. There is no doubt in my mind that Krycek was attracted to, perhaps even in love with, Fox Mulder. From the very beginning there appeared to be a bit of longing in his eyes.

There was the speedo scene wherein Krycek was definitely checking Mulder out. There were several scenes where Krycek could've killed Mulder but chose to help him instead.

As I've seen pointed out before, Krycek's crazy motivational choices don't make any sense at all unless it's all in an effort to be around Mulder more.

Look at his sense of style and his obvious love for lip gloss. I am not saying that straight men cannot love lip gloss and dress themselves in Krycek's fashion but it is uncommon and it was especially so back in the 90s

The infamous kiss in The Red and the Black could certainly be explained away as some kind of Russian custom but it isn't one that I am aware of and he hasn't really shown any other signs of his Russia heritage.

I would say my best evidence of Krycek's sexuality is in Essence and Existence, just look at the look on Krycek's face when Mulder trusts him to protect Scully. Krycek knows what Scully means to Mulder and then look at how seriously Krycek takes the job! I definitely feel like that moment meant a lot to him and he would have protected Scully with his life for Mulder.

There's also the fact that Krycek's unwillingness to kill Mulder lead to his own death.

Of course asking Skinner to shoot Mulder goes against this theory but I do have a couple thoughts on that, the most sensical being that he knew there was no chance Skinner would shoot Mulder and he probably knew there was no chance he would survive anymore. Maybe he made that request in hopes of sparing Mulder any pain he might have otherwise felt at his death (I know it's a bit of a stretch but my other theories require a long explanation of my thoughts on where the series had planned to go next)

The lone gunmen: no one knows....not even them

Three (I don't count Jimmy for this) single adult men who all live together in very cramped quarters and are, at least in Langley's case, perfectly happy to be around each other without thier clothes on certainly makes it seem like there's something between them all but I really don't get a overtly gay impression with any of them, even Langley who as mentioned doesn't like to wear pants and is the only one who hasn't had a love interest. They just have this sort of Vegas-esque thing. "What happens in the bachelor pad/newspaper room stays in the bachelor pad/newspaper room.

I would love to hear other people's thoughts on these and any other X-files characters you think might be somewhere on the LGBTQ spectrum.

[josefavomjaaga]

Some more letters from March 1814

March 1814. The French empire has four more weeks to go. Murat weather forecast for Northern Italy: still unsettled and changeable.

From the memoirs of Colonel Maceroni, Volume II:

On the occasion of Lord Bentinck's applying to Murat for the cession of Leghorn and Pisa, as above stated, it was through the remonstrances of the Austrian Count Mier, and of other diplomatists of the allied powers, that Lord Bentinck withdrew his demand, and appeared quite reconciled, friendly and respectful towards the king. This induced the latter to give implicit faith in the victories of Napoleon recounted in the bulletins, and exaggerated by the French officers who still remained in our army, and about the king's person. The king having now had so many evident proofs of the insincerity of the allies, which it is not necessary for me to recapitulate, now made a last attempt to join with Prince Eugene. He therefore deputed to him the Marquis Livron and Colonel Desmolands, but the Prince, more influenced by his personal animosity towards Murat, than by a desire to serve the Emperor, who has since said so much about his fidelity, not only refused to listen to the proposal, but found means of acquainting Marshal Bellegarde with the occurrence!

***

From DuCasse, Memoirs and Political and Military Correspondence of Prince Eugene, Vol. 10

Eugène to Murat, Borgoforte, 3 March 1814

Sire, Your Majesty is informed of the setbacks recently suffered by the corps of General Nugent; they are considerable.

This is the moment when I desire more than ever to know the definitive intentions of Your Majesty. I must adjust my movements accordingly. I therefore beg Him to tell me what I have to hope or to fear from His army.

I will not permit myself to put before him the reasons which he has for declaring himself frankly for the cause of the Emperor, I limit myself to asking him to be so good as, at least, to have his army take positions which do not impede my undertaking for the interests entrusted to me.

A certain number of troops belonging to Your Majesty have been found in Parma. I ordered that they be treated well and that they be set free; they were to be sent back to you the same evening.

The three divisions which operate on the right bank of the Po have orders to put themselves in communication with me through Borgoforte. I flatter myself that Your Majesty will want to put no obstacle in the way.

I hope for a favourable response from Him. I dare to ask for a precise answer. The estrangement with the Austrians must finally allow Your Majesty to listen to his interests and his heart and to reveal himself as that which, I have no doubt, he has not ceased to be.

***

From DuCasse, Memoirs and Political and Military Correspondence of Prince Eugene, Vol. 10

Murat à Napoléon (sans date)

Sire,

Votre Majesté court des dangers ; la France est menacée jusque dans sa capitale; et je ne puis défendre ni l'un ni l'autre, je ne puis mourir pour vous! et l'ami le plus affectionné de Votre Majesté est en apparence son ennemi! Sire, dites un mot, et je sacrifie ma famille, mes sujets; je me perdrai, mais je vous aurai servi, je vous aurai prouvé que toujours je fus votre meilleur ami. Je ne demande dans ce moment autre chose, pourvu que le vice-roi vous fasse connaître ma conduite... Les larmes qui remplissent mes yeux m'empêchent de continuer ma lettre. Je suis ici seul au milieu d'étrangers; je dois cacher jusqu'à mes larmes; cette lettre vous rend entièrement, Sire, le maître de mon sort. Ma vie est à vous. Aussi bien avais-je fait le serment de mourir pour Votre Majesté; si vous me voyiez et si vous pouviez vous faire une idée de ce que je souffre depuis deux mois, vous auriez pitié de moi.

Aimez-moi toujours. Jamais je ne fus plus digne de votre tendresse; jusqu'à la mort, votre ami.

**

Murat to Napoleon (undated)

Sire,

Your Majesty is in danger; France is threatened even in her capital; and I cannot defend either of them, I cannot die for you! and the most affectionate friend of Your Majesty is apparently His enemy! Sire, say a word, and I sacrifice my family, my subjects; I will lose myself, but I will have served you, I will have proved to you that I was always your best friend. I do not ask for anything else at this moment, provided that the Viceroy makes my conduct known to you... The tears filling my eyes prevent me from continuing my letter. I am here alone amongst strangers; I must hide even my tears; this letter makes you, Sire, the master of my fate. My life is yours. If you could see me and imagine what I have been suffering for the last two months, you would feel sorry for me.

Love me always. I was never more worthy of your tenderness; until death, your friend.

This is heartbreaking. And I fear, Napoleon did not get it at all. Judging from his reaction below, he probably assumed Murat was faking it.

***

From DuCasse, Memoirs and Political and Military Correspondence of Prince Eugene, Vol. 10

Napoleon to Eugene. Soissons, 12 March 1814

My son, I am sending you a copy of a most extraordinary letter I have received from the King of Naples.

At a time when I and France are being assassinated, such feelings are truly inconceivable. I also receive the letter which you write to me with the draft treaty sent to you by the King. You can see that this idea is madness. However, send an agent to this extraordinary traitor, and make a treaty with him in my name. Do not touch Piedmont or Genoa, and divide the rest of Italy into two kingdoms. Let this treaty remain secret, until the Austrians have been driven out of the country, and 24 hours after its signature the king declares himself and falls upon the Austrians. You can do everything in this sense, nothing must be spared in the present situation, to add to our efforts the efforts of the Neapolitans.

Afterwards, we will do what we want; for, after such ingratitude and in such circumstances, nothing binds. Wanting to embarrass him, I gave orders that the Pope be sent, by Piacenza and Parma, to the outposts. I let the Pope know that, having asked as Bishop of Rome to return to his diocese, I have allowed him to do so. Take care, therefore, not to commit yourself to anything in relation to the Pope, either to recognise him or not to recognise him.

I assume this undated letter by Murat also is the »note« Eugène was so furious about in an earlier letter, when he called Murat “totally nuts now”, but which he still sent on to Napoleon. Apparently, it did not go over too well with that one either.

***

From Helfert, »Joachim Murat«

Mier to Metternich (postscript)

Bologna this 6th of April 1814.

My Prince! I have been informed by a reliable source that about mid-March the Viceroy had made proposals to the King of Naples for an arrangement between them concerning Italy.

The King listened to them but took no action on them. Some Neapolitan generals, who had taken it into their heads to reunite Italy and put the King of Naples at the head of the Italians, continued to haggle and used all possible means to get the King to adopt their plan. They argued that for its realisation it was necessary to come to an agreement with the Viceroy.

Things remained as they were until Bentinck arrived in Livorno. A few days before the King had received a letter from Campochiaro announcing the refusal of England to accede for the moment to our treaty of alliance, and the difficulties of Russia and Prussia on the same subject. His whole report was so stitched as to inspire H. M. with great distrust of the views of the Allies in His regard. At the same time His Majesty was forced to ask Marshal Bellegarde to recall and replace General Nugent in the command of the Austrian division, in order to put an end to the continual gossip and harassment.

This unfortunate combination of circumstances, all designed to annoy His Majesty, was not lost on the Viceroy, and he rightly considered the moment favourable to renew his proposals. Bentinck's conduct served him wonderfully, and the King, pushed to the limit, believing himself to be sacrificed, decided to enter into talks with the Viceroy. The Duke of Gallo spoke out strongly against this step, but he was not well supported by the other people surrounding His Majesty. M. Generals Carascosa and Livron were sent on several occasions to the Viceroy's headquarters. In this time I had been near Marshal Bellegarde; we were not unaware of all that was going on. Lord Bentinck maintained by the positive data of the bad faith of the King of Naples the necessity of treating him as an enemy; but Marshal Cte Bellegarde knowing the position and the state of our army, foreseeing the unfortunate consequences which would result if we had the Neapolitans against us, and not wanting and not being able to take upon himself the decision of an affair of such importance, was firmly opposed to it, and we decided that it was necessary to prevent by all possible means that the King should throw himself on the side of the French.

The arrival of General Balascheff to sign a treaty of alliance, the reassuring statements Lord Bentinck was authorised to give in writing to the King about the British Government's feelings towards him, of which he had hitherto made no use, and more than all this the certainty I had that the Queen, whom I had warned of the turn affairs were taking here, would make up her mind to come and rejoin the King, gave me hope that S. M. return to himself, return to his commitments and duties, and that everything would be arranged amicably. The state of the Queen's health and the position of affairs in the kingdom of Naples did not allow her to come to Bologna, but she sent two persons of confidence to her august husband with letters and verbal declarations so firm and energetic, threatening Him to leave Him, to separate His fate entirely from hers, and to make the Neapolitan government take the course which its true interests required, if He ever dared to dishonour Himself by failing to keep His engagements with Austria (which would bring upon His kingdom inevitable misfortunes), that they produced all the effect that could be hoped for. The King acknowledged His wrongs, was ashamed of them, cut off all communications with the Viceroy and declared himself firmly unwilling to hear any more about them.

From that moment on things took a different turn here, and it is to be hoped that all will go well. On the 7th of this month the King will have an interview with Marshal Bellegarde at Revere, where the plan of operation will be discussed and decided. He is in the best of spirits; I hope that this time we will be able to make the most of it. For more than a month I have been endeavouring to persuade him to hand over the command of his troops to Marshal Bellegarde, and for his own sake to return to Naples. It was the only means of putting an end to all the mistrust, all the cabals, of ensuring us of Him to provide a unity to the operations of the two armies. I had asked the Queen to assist me in this respect. She entirely approved my project and made it agree to the King who is decided to give the command of His troops to Marshal Bellegarde as soon as the Viceroy will have been forced in his position on the Mincio. Once the King is in Naples, under the supervision of the Queen, we can be at peace about His conduct. I have the honour etc.

Mier.

Calling in the cavalry on the cavalry general: Caroline. Not trying to be disrespectful but Mier does sound a lot like a nursery school teacher running out of steam and patience with a toddler in his care. »That’s it. I called his mom.«

[multifandomaddictedfangirl]

When you think about it, Octavia’s arc actually makes a lot of sense.

Octavia has always been an antisocial girl and an insecure young woman. She grew up hidding under the floor on the Ark, with no human/social interactions (except her mom and her brother) for 16 years. Her mother died when she was very young (btw she was floated for having Octavia, try not to feel guilty for the rest of your life after that...) so the main person Octavia’s been talking to is Bellamy. She never left her bedroom except for that one time where she got arrested and put in a prison cell. She was sentenced to death just for being born.

When the Hundreds were sent to the ground, not only she had to learn to survive; she also had to learn how to socialise. How to belong in a group and be a part of something bigger than herself. A society. For the first time.

For someone who basically had no soft skills (communication skills, for instance) that must have been pretty hard. And pretty scary. My theory is Octavia has always felt very insecure about not fitting in, not being good enough for people to like and appreciate her, not finding a home on Earth. My guess is she was terrified her life on Earth would be like on the Ark: that she would end up isolated, scared and alone.

And that’s why she had to find something that would make her unique. When she met Lincoln, she learnt that she could fight. And that she was quite good at it - especially compared to the Hundreds. That’s what made her valuable. Suddenly she was a hero, someone that the Hundreds needed in order to survive. Her fighting skills made her special.

But then she became... too special. Too much like a Grounder. And Grounders were the enemy back then. She was judged for being too close to Lincoln, even by her own friends. Her loyalty was questioned by her peers. People suddenly looked down on her for the way she dressed, talked and acted. Even her fighting style became a problem: she wouldn’t use guns... just like the Grounders. Even Bellamy, her own brother, didn’t like it.

She didn’t belong with the Hundreds anymore. She knew she couldn’t stay with them. But then again, she wasn’t a true Grounder either. Not really. And she knew she would never be looked at as anything else than a sky person - no matter how hard Lincoln would try to educate her and teach her their way of living.

Octavia didn’t belong anywhere again.

Maybe if she had agreed to follow Lincoln when he suggested they ran away together to avoid war... She could have found her peace then. Lincoln had always been her home. He made her feel safe. She belonged with him and she had never been happier than when she was with him.

She felt so honored when she became Indra’s second. In s5 she even says it was the happiest day of her life. Finally, she had found a place in this world and a person who understood and respected her skills. It must have felt so good. Truth is Octavia really, truly, deeply liked being a warrior. It was a role she could assume easily and where she felt like she was needed. ´Warrior’ is a title she learnt to look up to, and value a lot. Lincoln and Indra were both warriors and they were both the two people Octavia respected and loved the most.

Being called a warrior made her feel strong, confident and powerful. No more insecurities. No more fears. She was no longer the girl hidden under the floor, or the lost delinquent trying to find her place on Earth. Now, she was a well respected member of a community. I believe she chose to define herself as a warrior, because it was the only thing that made her feel good about herself : like she had some honorable value whatsoever.

When Lincoln died, Octavia lost everything. For the first time in a long long time, she was vulnerable. She couldn’t feel safe or strong or powerful anymore. All she could feel was her sadness, her loss, her pain. It was too much for her, she was scared that without Lincoln, she wouldn’t be worth anything. She couldn’t face these feelings, so she built up a wall inside of her. I believe that’s why she turned the word ‘warrior’ into her whole identity. That’s why she acted so tough during s3 and s4. She used it like a shield to protect herself from her pain and misery. To fill the void inside of her left by Lincoln’s death because she couldn’t grieve.

A good example of that is her relationship with Illian. She almost killed herself in the black rain, just to avoid these painful feelings. She begged him to make her feel something else. Something else than pain. And then, even after they had sex, all she could think about was the war happening and how she wasn’t in it... She was so broken at this point. Lincoln’s death destroyed her completely. The only way for her to move on is to take on what she thought was Lincoln’s legacy and keep fighting.

And so, she had to rebuild herself. That’s why she choose to go to Polis and fight in the Conclave: to honor Lincoln. Her face paint was a good representation of that. In her mind, Lincoln was brave, he was a warrior. And so she had to be one too. She had to fight, because Lincoln never stopped fighting. And if Lincoln never stopped fighting, there must be hope at the end of the line. Even for her.

And hope she brought, by uniting all the clans. She offered a place in a bunker to a 100 people of the 12 different clans. Salvation for everyone (including herself). She created Wonkru (first) as a tribute to Lincoln. Because that’s what he would have done. Because he believed in peace. Because he wanted to bring people together, even during his last days on Earth. Octavia wanted to commemorate that.

The problem is... So far, Octavia strickly and only defined herself as a warrior, not as a leader. She refused that role for a long time, doubting herself, fearing people wouldn’t follow her, thinking she couldn’t do it. Which makes sense considering what she’d been through on the Ark and her vision of leadership. Her chancellor floated her mother, one of the two people she ever knew and loved. Plus, her experience with leadership on the ground wasn’t exactly the best example either : Bellamy (we do whatever the hell we want, killing the firt boy she ever kissed and had a crush on, torturing Lincoln...), Jaha (besides from floating her mom, bringing the city of light into Arkadia and Polis and forcing people to take a chip to be manipulated by an AI), Pike (hating all grounders alike, organising a massacre resulting in 300 Grounder deaths, and executing Lincoln)...

But now, by winning the Conclave and creating Wonkru, she became the leader of the last surviving people of the human race. And first of all, that’s a lot of pressure for a deeply insecure, messed-up, broken, still mourning, inexperienced young woman.

But most of all, Octavia was no Clarke. And she knew it. Cause let’s be real. Throughout the show, no matter who was the chancellor/commander/leader, Clarke was really in charge.

Except Clarke had learnt how to lead by now. Lexa even said Clarke was born to lead. Since s1 se automatically took control of things because it’s in her nature to care about others and to be in charge. What made her a good leader is that she knew how to make impossible choices and take tough decisions if needed to (the big attack at the dropship in s1, Mount Weather in s2, destroying the city of life in s3, etc.). But Clarke never lost her hope, her moral values and most of all her humanity in the process. Despite everything, Clarke was always trying to avoid the worst outcome, trying to save as many people as she could. She would always study all of her options beforehand, and almost always she would try to find a non-violent solution first (in Mount Weather, for instance, her first plan was a rescue mission with Lexa; then she tried to negociate with Wallace for the release of her people, and when there was no other option, she pulled the trigger). She generally values peace and will try to avoid war as much as possible (she met with Anya on the bridge, she proposed a truce to Lexa, she made an alliance with Roan...). She could sometimes spare a life, even a life of a traitor or an enemy (Emerson, for instance!). She took risks herself in order to save everyone (besides from sacrifying herself so that her friend could go to space, she also didn’t hesitate to inject herself nightblood bone marrow instead of just using emori). Now, let me be clear. She ain’t perfect, that’s for sure. She screwed up more than once, who hasn’t ? But in such a terrible setting, being faced with impossible choices, she always tried to do her best and to chose the "best option" available (considering the context, the information she had at the time, etc.)

Besides, even at the end, she could still draw a line between the good and the bad. It doesn’t mean she never crossed that line. She did. But at least she was aware of the cruelty, the violence and the consequences of her actions. It was never easy for her to take any of these decisions. And she still feels guilty about it now, to the point she hates herself, but she knows it was her job to "bear it so they don’t have to". To be the bad guy sometimes so that her people could live. To make hard choices - even if it meant being hated by people she cared about - so that her people could have a clear conscience in the end. As a good leader should.

In a word, Clarke didn’t sacrifice herself, her sanity or her humanity, in order to be able to lead her people. Octavia did.

Oh boy, she really did. And I think it’s because Octavia knew that she couldn’t be like Clarke. She knew she couldn’t be tough, take hard decisions and still keep her moral compass. She knew she couldn’t be strong enough to lead 12 clans of grounders (without the legitimacy of the flame!) and remain the same Octavia that she was before going to that bunker. She knew she couldn’t keep her humanity because the guilt would kill her off. Besides, in 5x11 (i think?) we see her taking a piece of glass and almost cut her wrist because she can’t take it anymore, but at the last time she changes her mind. It wasn’t the first time she did that, in my opinion. She knew that if she was gonna be a ruler, she had to go all in. She had to become absolutely ruthless; otherwise she wouldn’t be able to take the hard decisions. She had to throw away her moral values, she had to shut down that part of herself who cared, who loved, who felt things. She couldn’t allow the little girl she was to come back and compromise the survival of the human race. She couldn’t allow herself to be weak, the stakes were too high.

So she created Blodreina. A ruthless leader. A persona that could lead strongly, take the hard decisions, and show no mercy. Not even for Indra or Kane. Someone who could do all of these horrible things without feeling guilty. And years after years, Octavia disappeared a bit more. And Blodreina grew stronger.

And, so, this dictator ruled Wonkru for 6 years. That’s how long Blodreina reigned and slowly took control over Octavia. The real problem with Octavia in s5 isn’t what she did during the Dark Year; it’s what she did after that.

First of all, cannibalism wasn’t even her idea. It was Abby’s. Octavia never wanted this, she tried to fight it but Abby pushed it, saying it was the only thing to do in order to survive. And when some people refused to eat, Abby (again!) was the one saying she should punish by death the one who wouldn’t follow her order.

Second of all, in that context, it probably was the only option for them. At that point, they believed they were the last humans on Earth. They had to survive, it made sense that, as a leader, Octavia had to consider every option available. And there was only one, as terrible as it sounded. Taking away people’s choice in that matter was the limit Octavia should have never crossed. But Abby insisted and said not forcing people to eat would be the worst choice possible to make and would lead them all to starvation... So in a way, there, Blodreina was useful. She avoided the worst scenario possible. And it sort of made sense back then.

Third of all, no one stood by her during that time : not Kane, not Abby, not even Indra. They were with her, they advised her, they followed her, they ate, sure. But who actually had to create and impose that rule? Octavia. Who had to look like the bad guy in front of her people? Octavia. Who had to eat first? Octavia. Who had to kill those who wouldn’t obey? Octavia. Who had to organise, watch and regulate the fights in the arena? Octavia. Who had to stay strong no matter how horrifying their everyday life was? Octavia. Abby didn’t move a finger (while it was all her idea). Kane ended up by obeying but made it clear he was against the idea. Indra didn’t talk about it. It was a burden she had to carry alone (at least Clarke had Bellamy!). She would have needed emotional support, someone to share the weight of her choices with, someone to talk to about her feelings, etc. But she didn’t have that.

So I don’t blame Octavia for what happened in the Dark Year. She did what she had to, there was no other option. She didn’t like it, she didn’t want it, and she had to bear that choice on her own because no one else supported her like they should have. The fighting pit, which was at the beginning what looked like a (sort of) fair way to bring justice, became a source of food, a tool, a way to survive.

But after the Dark Year, not only Octavia kept the fighting pit (which was no longer needed now that Wonkru faithfully followed her and that the Dark Year had passed) but she increased the number of fights. She gave herself the power to judge the fights and condamn people to fight again before earning their freedom. The deal wasn’t fair anymore for the fighters. She even threw in people she knew were innocent (Kane, for instance). So much for justice. The opinion of Wonkru as spectators became very important: if people weren’t satisfied with the fight, Blodreina would force people to fight anyway. Indra warned Bellamy: being the last person standing wasn’t enough. They had to make a show, they had to perform.

Octavia turned the fighting pit into sports, as Kane said. As a way of entertainment.

Octavia impersonated Blodreina when Wonkru needed a strong, ruthless leader who could carry them into the dark... But then, Blodreina took control for so long that Octavia forgot who she was. She played the ruthless ruler card too much that she lost her humanity in the process. And when she got out of the bunker, she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know how to move on from the horror she inflicted. She didn’t know how to get back to "normal".

Shallow Valley became her salvation. The justification she needed all along for all of her terrible actions in that bunker. The one thing that would make everything okay again. If she could only get her people to that safe eden, then everything she had done to survice would make sense. She was so focused on that goal that she blinded herself.

That scene with Indra, before the battle for Shallow Valley, is so heartbreaking. When she says, "When we get to that valley, everything will make sense. Everything we did to survive will be worth it", you can see that it’s actually Octavia talking (not Blodreina). She is telling Indra : please, let’s trust Blodreina just one more time, and then it will all be over. I think that she (Octavia) wants peace, deep down. She keeps repeating that, but she’s still afraid of leading Wonkru as Octavia. She has only earned their respect with Blodreina. Blodreina kept them alive during the Dark Year. Blodreina truly united Wonkru. Octavia still doesn’t think she can lead by herself, without that persona.

So Octavia shuts herself down to let Blodreina lead them again. And Blodreina wants war more than anything else. She would never surrender. And most importantly, she decides to take away people’s choice again, except this time she didn’t need to (like when she burnt the hydrofarm for instance). But that makes sense, because she only cares about one thing: winning the war, no matter what.

To conclude: Octavia’s journey is really hard to rewatch. Especially when you see her in s1 so young, happy and playful... But it makes sense. Yes, Octavia became a ruthless dictator who took away people’s will. Blodreina is the villain of the story in s5 (at least one of them). Her actions are beyond cruel and insensitive. A lot of people will die because of her decisions. She’s acting like a maniac half the time and she is (clearly) very mentally messed-up. i’m not standing by her side, saying I approve what she did or even that I find her likeable in her own way. I don’t even know if redemption is possible at this point. She might be gone too far.

But I just think her story is interesting in the sense that she has been falling down ever since Lincoln’s death and the persona she created, Blodreina, seems to be a result of her deep trauma, her pain, and her insecurities. She’s a broken, traumatised girl who has been put in a very hard position as an inexperienced and self-doubting leader in (possibly) the worst circonstances ever. Yeah, I’m not really surprised that it turned out this way.

Plus, now the valley is lost forever. Everything Octavia did (in the bunker and outside in s5) was for nothing. People died for nothing. And, unfortunately for her, she was wrong when she was talking to Indra before the battle : no, everything was not worth it... nothing makes sense. I doubt she will be able to get over that. She needed this win to be able to move on, to justify her actions, to find her peace. Without it, she’s just very susceptible to fall into old patterns of self-destruction. Plus, Bellamy really doesn’t seem ready to give her forgiveness (the one thing that might save her... at least that’d be a good start). And she’s not ready to receive it, either. Sadly, she might never be ready to really accept it.

[shi-daisy]

Black Moon Rising Pt. 2

Welcome back everyone! Here's part 2 of this lil' AU fic. It was gonna be longer but I already went pass the deadline for like 40 min. So I'll just continue it in the final prompt it the week. Hope you like!

@ulquihimeweek

Ulquihime Week- Day 6- Sacrifice/Possession

Black Moon Rising (Pt.2)

"Inoue, what have you done?!" Ichigo asked in disbelief.

"I did what I had to. Ulquiorra was going to die, and I saved him. That's all that matters."

"All that matters?! Have you looked at yourself?! You're a hollow now!"

"And so were you."

Ichigo looked hurt, but she didn't care. Back at Karakura, she had the same expression whenever they pushed her out of the fight. This time the tables were turned.

"That's not the same, and you know it."

"Is it now? Because if I recall correctly you brutalized Ulquiorra in ways far more horrifying than any of us could imagine, you tried to desecrate his body, you stabbed Ishida-kun when he stopped you, and you were about to kill me before Ulquiorra broke your mask and redirected the cero onto himself.

That's quite different from holding a conversation like we are doing now." She smiled venomously. This change seemed to be bringing out all of the negative emotions that she kept hidden for years. It was relishing.

"I went into that form to protect you! You called for help, I couldn't do anything so my hollow took over."

Orihime rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes, you're everyone's hero!" she sarcastically imitated her old self. "Spare me Ichigo, you didn't go into your hollow form to protect us, you did it because you lost, and you can't endure a loss!"

That got a rise out of the redhead, Uryu held him back. "Inoue, we all came here to save you! What happened wasn't ideal, but Kurosaki was just trying to help."

"Funny how you defend him after almost getting cut open, Ishida-kun.

I didn't ask anyone to come for me, the sole reason I came to Hueco Mundo was to protect everyone! But you couldn't understand that, could you? Inoue's the defenseless princess in the tower, so she must be rescued! We need to step into enemy territory without a plan, and fight everything in a ten-mile radius to save Inoue!

Well, that's done. We've all had our fights and your brushes with death, but I am finally safe. I won't return to Karakura, this form is now permanent, and I have no doubts that the shinigami will have me executed. The Orihime Inoue you knew is gone forever. Leave, tell the others I am dead, and don't return to Hueco Mundo. I won't ask nicely again."

Ichigo's anger was redirected at Ulquiorra. "You! You did this to Inoue!"

"I'm afraid you're mistaken Kurosaki. This transformation was the woman's choice, not mine. Unlike you, I believe she's wise enough to choose what's best for herself."

The shinigami prepared to attack him, but instead of clashing his blade with Ulquiorra's he was stopped by Orihime.

Upon transforming, she'd also gained a zanpakuto, her Rikka's powers had been transferred into it, and the shape of the hilt matched that of her hairpins.

“Don’t you dare touch him!” she growled.

“I’m not going to let darkness take you, Orihime. I’ll defeat whatever took possession of you and we’ll all go back home together.”

“You don’t get to decide for me. Not anymore.” From the moment she woke up, Orihime felt a shift taking place within her. Her body and soul had both changed, and this final disregard for her desires was the final nail in the coffin.’ All anyone ever saw me as was the damsel in distress, not even capable of choosing my own fate. Those days are now over.’

“Woman, do you require my assistance?”Ulquiorra asked her.

She smiled at him. “I shall fight alone, If it’s not too much trouble, could you please take Ishida-kun somewhere safe? I don’t intend to hold back.”

“Understood.”

She teleported both herself and Ichigo away from the scene. The shinigami looked ready to fight, but the moment she attacked he restored to blocking. Ichigo didn’t attack her.

‘The moron still thinks I can’t fight.’

Her eyes darkened, now gold over onyx, Orihime charged a cero into her sword. One strike of her blade all it took to break Ichigo’s zanpakuto.

“You’re out of weapons Kurosaki. I’ll let you go if you swear to leave me be.”

Instead of retreating Ichigo stood his ground. “I won’t leave you.I swore to bring you back home safe, and that’s what I’ll do!"

“You really can’t take a fucking hint, can you?!"

She raised her palm towards him, firing a golden cero. Ichigo tried to evade it, but without his Bankai, he was not fast enough. Ichigo kneeled, half of his body was bloody and mangled due to the blast, but he could survive those injuries.

“Last warning. Surrender or I will detach your head from your body.”

“I won’t! I won’t let Ulquiorra get away with what he did to you! I will save you even if I have to kill him again!"

Orihime would have just rendered him unconscious, had it not been for the threat he made against Ulquiorra, Orihime looked him in the eye directly, her gaze was steel and it seemed like in his final moments Ichigo finally understood she did this out of her own accord. Sadly, it was too late, A delicate strike of her blade cut through him, his eyes remained opened, full of realization, but also lifeless.

Orihime cleaned the blood off her sword with one stroke. ‘At long last, It’s over.’

***

There were many outcomes he had expected from the battle, seeing Orihime return to las Noches with the head of Kurosaki Ichigo was not one of them. Soon after arriving she had fainted and he took her to his room and had one of the medics look at her.

As predicted, Orihime woke up a day later. Her wounds were fully healed, and she was happy to see him as well. 

“What happened after the battle?” she asked.

"Lord Aizen has won. He's the new Soul King, but I'm afraid your old town has been destroyed."

She looked sad, but didn't weep. "I see."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. This was bound to happen."

"If you feel rested enough, we were summoned to the throne room. It's urgent."

"Okay. Let's go."

The walk to the throne room was silent, yet pleasant. Orihime held his hand, and he returned the gesture. It seemed she was fond of the gesture.

Before coming into the throne room he ran into the medic that examined Orihime.

"Hello Cuarta, I see Inoue-sama is healthy." The blue haired woman extended her hand to Orihime. "Nice to meet you, my name's Jeanne Dae, I was your medic."

"Nice to meet you too, Jeanne-san. Thanks for taking care of me."

"My pleasure, I must warn you both, Lady Anna has asked for you specifically and she's slightly stressed. Best not to piss her off."

"Um, I hate to come of as ignorant but who is Anna?"

"Lord Aizen's wife. She's his second in command now and also Soul Queen. Just be polite and you'll be fine. Best of luck!"

Once the medic Arrancar left, they stepped into the throne room. He was surprised to see Halibel and her fracción there resting. Nnoitra was also there talking to Anna. She looked to be angry.

"Nnoitra, I swear, if keep pestering me I shall rip out your remaining eyeball and make you eat it!"

That made the whole room grow silent.

Orihime was slightly intimidated. Anna was six feet tall, with pale skin, black curly hair, and cold blue eyes. Those worries subsided when the woman spotted both her and Ulquiorra.

"Cuarta! You're still as handsome as ever! And you must be Orihime Inoue. I'm Anna María, it's nice to finally meet ya."

"Hello Lady Anna, it's nice to meet you too."

"I'll be quick since I'm sure you both want to rest. Now that Sosuke has finally achieved his goals we won't be returning to Las Noches. I want the both of you to rule over Hueco Mundo."

They were both surprised. Ulquiorra spoke first. "With all due respect, why would you chose us out of the remaining Arrancar?"

"Simple. You and Inoue-san were the ones who finally took down Kurosaki. He was Soul Society's triumph card and I'm certain that if he had lived the outcome of our plans would've changed. The two of you are the most powerful among our ranks and took down our greatest foe. It's only natural to have you take over. What do you say?"

Orihime felt a little uncertain, she had never taken a leadership role before, but the offer was tempting.

Ulquiorra was indifferent to the offer, still he would accept if only to keep order in Las Noches. Without Aizen some of the Arrancar might go unhinged again.

"I'm willing to accept the offer, but I'd like insurance that you, or Lord Aizen will provide us with assistance if necessary."

"You have my word, Cuarta. Inoue-san, what about you?"

"I never considered myself a leader, yet this is an opportunity I don't want to waste. I'll give it my all."

"Excellent! I knew I could count on you both. Now, there's a slightly more personal matter I must address.

Some of your friends for Karakura survived, I can relocate then to Naruki City and give them fake memories of a nuclear explosion occuring in Karakura. This way they'll safe and fully taken care of. Is that alright."

Anna handed her a tablet with pictures. She recognized Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro, Chizuru, Michiru, Ryuuken, and Don Kannonji. Those were the only survivors.

"Yes. Please make sure they're taken care of, just...don't let them know I am alive. I'd prefer it if they all thought of me as dead."

"Consider it done. Finally, Yasutora Sado and Uryu Ishida are locked up in the dungeons, if you authorize it, I shall free them and get them the aforementioned services in Naruki City."

"Yes please do so."

"Alrighty then, I think that's everything. I'll be returning to my other duties, you're dismissed."

With that the tall woman left them and went back to her duties. Ulquiorra noticed she was holding her zanpakuto. 'No doubt she's been ordered to carry out executions.'

"Next on the list it's that Kuchiki Captain...Hmm maybe I'll choke him with that dumb scarf of his." Anna was walking away towards the cells. A reckless idea crossed Orihime's mind.

"Wait Anna-san! May I be granted permission to visit Ishida and Sado?"

Anna was skeptical but allowed it anyway. "Yes, of course. I'll escort you."

***

Ulquiorra waited in the entrance to the dungeons. He knew Inoue was capable of handling herself yet he felt uneasy.

"You're jealous the princesa wants to visit those other men."

Grimmjow appeared from the shadows, it seemed Anna had him as a guard.

"What do you want Sexta?" he asked.

"Nothing. Just heard you and Orihime are the new rulers of Hueco Mundo. I'd congratulate ya but I don't think you find that new role appealing."

"That's unimportant. I took the task because it clear that the others wouldn't be able to properly carry it out."

Grimmjow grinned. "Uh-huh, and what about your mate? She probably did it so that Anna wouldn't chop her human friends to pieces."

Those words bothered him. "The woman isn't my mate."

"She turned into a hollow to save ya, and even ripped Kurosaki to pieces. That screams protective mate to me.

Yer' right though, it's not my business what you two do. Just pray she doesn't change her mind. The girl is too far gone to go back."

***

Orihime let them rage and yell before saying a single thing. After their anger faded she spoke.

"I need you both to stay calm. Ishida-kun your father is alive and will be given proper housing and employment in Naruki City as will most of your friends and as will you. Just let Anna escort you there and do not tell the others of my real fate. For all they know, Kurosaki and I were victims of the fake accident."

"...I don't believe this! You expect us to keep quiet?! Tatsuki was a wreck over losing you, she won't accept it, she'll know it's a lie!"

"Then make her believe it! You're a smart guy Uryu, she will listen to you, the memories are better than..."

"Than knowing what you turned into and what you did to Kurosaki?" Chad asked.

Orihime hit the wall in frustration, it almost fell apart. "He threatened to kill Ulquiorra!" she yelled. "I wasn't going to kill him, I was going to leave him slightly messed up and let him go home when the war ended, but he threatened Ulquiorra. I couldn't let him kill him again. I just... couldn't."

Her friends demeanor changed to a more sympathetic one. "You love him, don't you?"

She couldn't answer. That possibility didn't cross her mind until now. Her silence was all the answer they needed.

"Kurosaki is doing alright. His soul went to the Soul Society and is reunited with his family, Anna made sure of it. She also brought Masaki to them, the Kurosaki's be living in the Shiba house."

"It's true. She came to tell us that before bringing you here."

"I see." In a way she felt freed. While there was no guilt for what she did, knowing Ichigo was well off somehow helped her close that cycle.

"I know you won't forgive me, I won't ask for that, but I will ask you, to have a good life. Take care of the others, follow your dreams and live long and happy. I will do the same, even if we are in separate world's. Just do that in the memory of the Inoue you once loved."

"I promise."

"I promise too"

Both Chad and Uryu gave her a tight hug. This would be the last time they saw eachother.

"Goodbye."

***

He didn't say anything. Not on their way back to the room, and not when he locked himself in the washroom.

Orihime knew something was amiss. Ulquiorra looked tense, angry even. She decided to speak with him.

'What am I doing? This isn't right. I'm acting just like Kurosaki did.'

Ulquiorra had ran himself a hot bath in an effort to calm down. As much as he dreaded to admit it he was enraged by Grimmjow's words. When Orihime returned from her talk with the humans, she had tears running down her face and a faint sad smile.

'She's regretting it. She regrets giving up her life for me. That was a sacrifice that should've never taken place.'

Still, it was wrong of him to act so cold towards her. Instead he should offer her solace. 'I'm all she had left.'

Before he could get out of the marble pool and go back into his room, he saw her standing in the doorway. "Can I join you?" she asked shyly.

Ulquiorra swallowed hard. Orihime had nothing but a towel on, and her pretty face was adorned with a faint pink blush.

"Yes, you may join me." He finally answered with a raspy voice.

He turned away as she uncovered herself, only facing her once she was covered up to her chest by water. Even so, her curves didn't leave anything to the imagination.

"Ulquiorra. We need to talk."

"What do you wish to talk about?"

"What happened down at the dungeons."

He braced himself, and spoke as calmly as possible. "You wish to return to you original form. It's understandable as your sacrifice shouldn't have happened so I shall do what's in my power to help you-"

Orihime placed her fingers on his lips, silencing him. It was then when he felt tears forming in his eyes

Orihime chuckled. "No, you're mistaken. I don't want to go back and I don't regret what I did.

Ulquiorra, I didn't hesitate to sacrifice my humanity for you. I knew what the consequences would be and didn't care. You matter more to me than anything or anyone else, and I don't ever want you to doubt that. I want to be with you forever, Ulquiorra Schiffer."

He felt the tears spilling. Never in his life did he think he could find anyone that would truly love him, yet here she was. From the moment they met he felt drawn. It was as if an otherworldly force took possession of him, and urged him to keep her at his side. Yet when Kurosaki almost killed her, he didn't hesitate to sacrifice himself for her. Now she had done the same for him, and they could be together for all eternity.

"Forgive me for my embarrassing behavior. I shouldn't have doubted you.

I shall confess that I didn't care for much before meeting you, my life was nothing but a dark endless void, until you filled it with light. Your optimistic nature, your melodic voice, your bravery, it is all very enticing. I thought our story would end when Kurosaki turned me into ash, yet it didn't.

You wouldn't let us have a bitter end, regardless of the cost. And I vow to prove your sacrifice to be worth it, every single day."

Orihime smiled wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close. "It's a promise, my dear Ulquiorra."

She crashed their lips together into a lustful kiss. Ulquiorra had never considered himself to be a lustful man, until that moment. He wanted nothing more than to ravish Orihime until they were both exhausted.

"Let's go back to our room, darling. There's a lot I want to do with you."

[aspoonofsugar]

While I don't want Falco to be fed to Mrs. Springer, I take issue with your negatively comparing Jean and Connie against Nicolo or Shadis. Nicolo is an honorary Braus because he dated Sasha, and he has assumed a caring role for the honorary/adopted Braus children. Shadis chose to be the leader of the Trainee Corps and has also assumed care for the trainees. To Jean and Connie, Falco is an enemy cadet and potential Warrior. Both sides use child soldiers. Feeding him to Mrs. Springer (1/3?)

would be entirely just within their world's rules of war. Would you also posthumously condemn Erwin for having fed class after class of recruits to the titans while protecting his friends? Also, I think you're extremely hard on the remaining 104thers by calling them "immature." They're 19, which might be an adult in our world but is still a very young, unfinished adult. They were all child soldiers fighting titans at 15, Mikasa and Armin have additional childhood trauma, and (2/3) Connie of course lost most of his family at 15 and his mom has been a semi-mindless titan for 4 years. IMO they're doing an incredible job trying to process the unprecedented events going on and handle them as best they can. (3/3)

Hey! I felt so disappointed in the 104th this chapter (124). Armin especially. Like, there is so much happening right now but he was more worried about keeping the peace with the warriors. I love Armin but since the time skip I think he's become non complacent maybe? As for Jean and Connie, talking about who to feed Falco to frankly pissed me off tbh. Same anon I know the general consensus in the fandom is that Jean was trying to make sense of the situation, but in my opinion, he was being a hypocrite. Like in chapter 108 he told Mikasa she's wrong for having trust in Eren and wanting to believe in Eren but now jean is the one doing what Mikasa did in 108.  He's trying to justify Eren's actions. And Connie, I get his mother was turned into a mindless titan. Its traumatizing but that doesn't justify wanting to feed Falco to his mom. I'm sorry, but I'm ready to see Connie die. I felt so disappointed in the 104th. But I do think Mikasa had the best response. Which was no response at all. She no longer views Eren in an idealized light, so she doesn't justify Eren's actions because she knows eren has f***ed up. Mikasa was rather more concerned about Falco which I liked. I was ranting a little or maybe a lot? Lol. I'm sorry about that.            

Hello anons!

I think your two asks can be used to comment each other, so I am answering the two of them together!

In short, I think that it is important to distinguish between two different ways of reading and relating to characters in a work of fiction.

The first one consists into seeing the characters as proper people, so different people would react to them differently according to their moral systems, triggers and  personal tastes.

I think that both your reactions are rooted into this approach and you both show how it is possible to react to the same characters in almost opposite ways. I think that both your POVs are valid since the 104th’s actions in the latest chapter can be disappointing, but can also be understood if one considers their psychological state. In short, it is not wrong to be angry at them and it is not wrong to empathize with them.

The second approach is to simply consider them as characters aka as beings who are in a story for a specific reason. If snk were not a narrative, it would be understandable if our main casts simply chose to retire and to live happily. However, since we are in a story, it would be upsetting if Mikasa, Armin or Jean simply chose to leave the army and to work in the country-side, while the rest of the world is going to war. They would simply not be in the main plot anymore and I doubt this is what the readers would want when it comes to them. Similarly, it would have been realistic for Annie to simply stay in her crystal forever, but, since she is a character, readers were expecting her to eventually come out and if she didn’t, it would have been a let down.

My latest metas are talking about the 104th as characters and so I am comparing them to Shadis and to Nicolo not because I think these two are better people than them, but simply because the chapter suggests the comparison. The relationship between adults and children is a very important one throughout the series and the chapter explores it once again. To be more specific, the subplot of Shadis and the trainees and of Gabi, Nicolo and Kaya are clearly paralleled since the story jumps from one to the other. In both cases, there are children who risk to die and they are both saved by a person they hurt/tried to hurt (Shadis and Gabi). Finally Nicolo protects Gabi differently from what he did in the past and he repeats Mr Braus’s quote. That quote is about adults protecting children. Here, Nicolo is giving it a more general spin since he is talking about people in general. However, he is doing so to help Gabi and Kaya to understand their contradictive feelings. In short, he is trying to guide the two kids. This is different from what he did in chapter 111 and it is important because in chapter 112 he claims that he is not a man like Mr Braus is. Here, he is showing that he has grown and has matured and that he is trying to be a better person.

In short, both subplots are meant to show us a reconciliation and this reconciliation involves both adults and children growing into their respective roles.

Now, when it comes to the 104th, the story is asking them to grow up and there is no doubt about it. All in all, snk is a coming of age story where kids grow up and face the complexity of the world. This is made even clearer after the time-skip, since we are shown our main casts as young adults and a new generation has been introduced. In short, the 104th are not the kids of the series anymore and they will have soon to accept newer and more difficult roles. This is why the people from the old generation who have guided the main characters up until now are all slowly dying. We have seen it in this chapter as well with Pixis’s death.

Now, again if snk were real, there would be nothing bad with young teenagers not accepting the role of heroes or of leaders of their people, but snk is a story and so the characters must fulfill their role for it to work.

I would also say that I disagree with the first anon’s comparison between Erwin and Connie.

Erwin kept sacrificing comrades both to fulfill his dream and for the sake of his people. What is more, the series doesn’t completely justify these sacrifices and shows how tragic they were and how Erwin himself felt guilty about them. Erwin’s strategic choices might have been correct, but this didn’t make them easier to accept both by others and by Erwin himself. Finally, the tension of Erwin’s arc was between the ideal image he showed people where he was completely selfless and his true human self who was driven by personal dreams like everyone else. The pain of what he perceived as a contradiction was solved in him finally giving up his dream and choosing the common good over himself. This is what gave Erwin peace.

Connie’s situation is different. He wants to bring back his mother because of personal reasons and not because it is a good strategic choice from which everyone would benefit. If that were what Connie was going for, then it would have been better to accept Jean’s suggestion and to feed Falco to Pixis aka the commander. However, Connie’s wish to have his mother back has nothing to do with the current war and is simply a personal one. Connie acting selfishly is highlihgted also by him leaving his comrades and friends to face the titans alone while he leaves with Falco. Jean, Mikasa and Armin all try to fulfill their duty of soldiers, to save their comrades and to protect the civilians, but Connie simply leaves with a prisoner in order to save a loved one. His behaviour is understandable considering the fact that he has clearly been repressing a lot f negative feelings, but it is clearly not one I would call responsible.

That said, it is interesting to notice that his reasons are perfectly understood by Gabi:

Gabi doesn’t call Connie a monster and understands from where he is coming from because she herself is driven by similar feelings.

In short, I think the narrative is showing understanding for Connie, but his choice is clearly the wrong one and I don’t think he will go through with it.

I would also like to highlight that the current situation with Falco, Connie and Jean reminds me of the serum bowl which is even mentioned in the chapter:

Like back then, the MC have a prisoner they think to sacrifice in order to save another person and they are even fighting about whom they should save.

Jean argues that they should save the commander exactly like Levi, Hange and Floch did back then.

Connie is on the other hand arguing that they should save a loved one, like Mikasa and Eren did. Connie even lashes out at Armin who in the end was the one saved because of Levi’s personal feelings.

What is interesting is that in the serum bowl there was no-one vocing for Bertholdt being saved. At that time, sacrificing an enemy was something everyone had accepted and the problems was simply between making a pragmatic choice or a more personal one. However, right now Armin and probably Mikasa are not happy to kill a child and Gabi has come to bring Falco back. In short, I would not be surprised if the whole conflict around Falco would be solved in what is basically an inversion of the serum bowl. Neither a pragmatic nor a personal choice is made and the enemy is spared.

As far as the second anon is concerned, I have rambled about the 104th in many different asks, so I advise you to check the tag of the current chapter I will put under this ask as well in order to have more thoughts on them.

Thank you for the ask!

[loomimoosh]

Anyone here played Fire Emblem Fates Conquest? I’m at a difficult point right now.

Even if you haven’t played it, I need some advice. So sorry if this is a little weird or long.

For context, Hoshido and Nohr are two warring nations. My character, Crow, is a princess of Nohr, daughter of the evil King Garon. Garon thinks killing his enemies is the only option, Crow is very adamant about diplomacy and hates death, especially at her own hands.

I was on a ship when a ninja posed as one of my soldiers and tried to steal my gold. I managed to defeat him, and we took him captive, sparing my gold and soldiers.

The guy’s name is Shura, and it turns out he’s responsible for doing something pretty bad. I don’t want to spoil anything in case you haven’t gotten here and want to play it, but let’s just say he hurt someone I care about in a very personal and very illegal way, but didn’t kill anyone and was only acting on orders for Hoshido. The Hoshido prince has actually done worse because he’s tried to kill me for something out of my control.

Since then, Shura’s ninja tribe has been destroyed and he joined Nohr, but was notorious as a pirate. He snuck aboard our ship because he doesn’t feel loyalty to either country, but holds a vendetta against both for various semi-unrelated reasons.

We got all this info out of him after interrogating him and kind of implying we would kill him. Afterwards, he asked to join me and my team if I would spare his life, but my siblings don’t trust him. After all, he committed a vile atrocity and the victim of his crime is standing right next to me. And she’s someone I’m rather attached to. He’s offered to look after her, but this would require leaving him alone with her.

My question is, should I keep him around in my group or kill him? I have no other options; it’s yes or no. Take his life or accept his service. Kill him by my own hands or let him wander around with my friends and family. I have no clue here.

To be clear, I am taking this as a moral question and story-based roleplaying opportunity.

I don’t care about gameplay since I’m playing Conquest where everything is balls-to-the-wall hard either way, so I’ve turned it to Casual (sacrilege, I know) so I don’t quite care about head count. In fact, it might be better to not have another person on the team to have to share what little exp I have with.

But I want to do what Crow would do. I want to make the choice the Coward Princess would make. I’ve heard what happens down both routes, but that doesn’t change anything. Crow has none of that information.

On one hand, she’d hate to have a criminal like that in her ranks running free. There’s another guy in a pretty similar boat that Crow’s been forced to work with in the past and he tried to kill her and mutilated a village. She’s not fond of the guy, and Shura is a little too similar for comfort. Her siblings have said her kindness would get her killed one day, and so they’re pretty hesitant about the guy as well. And the victim is so uncomfortable right now, which is weird because she’s usually so composed. She isn’t quite okay and it shows. She and Crow have a connection that I believe would play a pretty big role here.

On the other hand, Crow would hate nothing more than knowing a person died on her order. She already blames herself for the death of that village, as well as a few other victims, including one notable one who sacrificed herself for Crow and left a pretty big mental scar. She’s given refuge to enemy units in the past, and feels terrible over the death of one she couldn’t save, a rebel leader who was almost willing to listen but died horribly at the hands of a companion of Crow’s. Shura is a nonviolent offender who is completely helpless right now. Crow has to give the order to kill him, and I don’t know if she could do that.

I’m not sure. So far I’m thinking I’ll kill him, just because of the crimes he committed and the uncertainty with letting him go free. Really I believe she’d want him imprisoned, but that’s not an option. So maybe I have to make this sacrifice to make sure everyone is safe. He seems resigned to his fate...but this goes against everything I’ve worked for so far.

Which should I chose? I hoped talking about it would give me an answer or push me towards one choice, but...god, I don’t know.

TL:DR: as a video game character should i kill a man who is the reason my best friend is in pain right now or should i let him join my team and act like nothing ever happened because those are my options and i hate it

[foxofthedesert]

2040 | An Arrow / DinahSiren Fic

Long before we found out that Mia is Olicity’s kid, I developed my own take on her identity.  I may revisit this universe in the future.  Hah!  In the future...

If you prefer reading on AO3, click here.

Swirling in a lazy circle, Mia surveys her surroundings with a critical eye. The remains of what used to be the center of operations for Star City’s famous team of superheroes is little more than a ruined relic of a bygone era. An era in which masked vigilantes prowled the streets, striking fear into the hearts of criminals of all stripes. An era of idyllic bravery and unheralded service. An era of death and despair.

With a derisive sneer, she glares out at the decrepit complex from it’s circular central platform. Connor, her friend and companion, is nearby milling around the overturned weapons racks. The glee of nostalgia paints his features with a handsome, ambient smile. Mia does not share his enthusiasm for their current location. It was from here that Star City’s famed band of masked heroes labored to rescue the city they loved from the blight of an unchecked corruption that infested it from the slums of the Glades all the way up to the vaunted halls of influence both private and public. All for naught. Sacrifice after sacrifice was made to achieve only temporary victories.

Would they have tried so hard if they knew how pointless it was? Mia thinks, lightly brushing her fingers over a dusty keyboard in all likelihood last touched by Felicity Smoak. Would they have given up so much if they were told how it would all end? That their friends and loved ones would die and their children be orphaned because of the man they chose to follow?

Oliver Queen. Mia shudders at the thought of that name. Her hatred of the man has yet to abate since her intensive investigation into the circumstances that preceded her being condemned to an abysmal childhood.

Living on a time ship prior to returning home came with certain advantages, as did having the Captain of said ship as an aunt, among them access to comprehensive histories of multiple universes. Thanks to a series of ingenious upgrades to Gideon installed by none other than Cisco Ramon shortly before her birth, she was able to efficiently sift through the massive stores of data and make sense of the interwoven events that resulted in her abandonment. By the time she was done the causal point all other incidents in the web traced back to was, in her opinion, conclusive. Were it not for Oliver Queen surviving the sabotaging of the Queen’s Gambit and being unfairly guilted into righting his father’s innumerable wrongs, everything would be different.

It was that seminal event that set off a chain reaction of unavoidable tragedies. Less than two decades later, the city of her birth was ultimately reduced to an ashen wasteland and her homeworld was occupied by unimaginably evil forces bent on its destruction. As if that were not reason enough for her grudge, due to Oliver’s actions her family was made to suffer through one hell after another beginning with her grandparents’ divorce, to her grandfather’s alcoholism, to her aunt being murdered in cold blood, and finally to her mother’s totally preventable death. One man’s deluded crusade was responsible for all of that, including her own personal traumas, as well as for the millions of innocents who have been slaughtered and those left behind to mourn them due to the endless series of wars and coups and crime waves that were ushered in by the rise of popular vigilantism.

No one knew it then, but the Hood’s arrival in Starling City was the beginning of the end for Earth-1.

Unbidden, a growl of unfettered animosity rumbles through Mia’s chest. If only she could get her hands on Oliver Queen to unleash years worth of enmity upon the primary catalyst of her city’s downfall. If only she could expel every last ounce of her pent up anguish upon the unwitting author of her family’s destruction. If only justice had not been slain by the gleaming verdant tip of an arrow, she might have her day of reckoning upon the one she has judged guilty for her family’s misery and for the cruel subjugation of an entire world. If only...

Sadly one cannot exact vengeance upon the dead, she thinks, not for the first time wishing for someone, anyone, to prove that principle incorrect.

Her hands clench into tight balls as she leaps down the platform stairs then stalks purposefully in the direction of the table that once served as the de facto round table of Team Arrow. She circles around the table several times, studying the warped metal supports and broken glass so symbolic of those who once commiserated here, before coming to a stop behind a plush albeit otherwise ordinary office chair. This particular one was the throne of the Green Arrow from whence he unwittingly presided over the ruination of all he claimed to love.

“You have failed this city.” Such an ironic catch-phrase from a man who epitomized the charge he so smugly flung at his countless victims. Truth be told, Star City was better off in the hands of the criminal element that ruled unopposed prior to Oliver initiating his ill-fated crusade. Anything would be better than the constant human suffering to which Mia is exposed around every street corner in a city that once was vibrant with false hope.

When she was still in diapers, or so she has been told, people started to believe worst days were over and that the seemingly endless supply of mustache-twirling villains was finally set to be exhaust thanks to the tireless efforts of the SCPD working alongside the Green Arrow and his team. The problems in the Glades, so long unaddressed, were being taken seriously by the government while most other districts flourished in the midst of what historians would dub the Pacem Per Sagitta. Crime and homelessness plummeted as unemployment rates bottomed out. Tax revenues soared. City services expanded dramatically. By every conceivable metric, the city’s happiness index was at peak levels. People dared to hope that a fledgling future which seemed oh-so-bright might survive into adulthood for their children. Sadly that fleeting period of relative peace ended the day City Hall was introduced to an alien material that makes azidoazide azide seem tame in comparison while Lex Corp tower was simultaneously transformed into a misshapen pancake of concrete and steel.

Now the city is but a ghostly shell of its former glory, a metropolitan corpse inhabited by a host of miscreants, degenerates, fools and lost souls. No one possessing a shred of common sense or with available means to escape stuck around to watch as the last desperate line of defense fell before a rabid onslaught. Long before the final assault was launched three days before Christmas, the vast majority of businesses closed while prominent and wealthy citizens hastily vacated the districts for surrounding cities and states. Some thirteen months after the Green Arrow alongside his superhuman colleague the Flash inexplicably vanished without a trace, the city perimeter was at last catastrophically breached. Enemy forces poured in, easily overwhelming ill-equipped reserve units comprised mainly of volunteers and conscripts. Less than two days later, the city government surrendered. In short order, law and order collapsed, and with it municipal services, as the mercenary armies of a group calling themselves The Seventh Circle took control. Their ascension signified the initiation of a new age of terror that would outstrip all that came before.

Every district of Star City fell to the invaders save the Glades, which was miraculously spared the indiscriminate razing. Those that refused to submit to their ghastly new overlords were summarily executed, with the most prominent citizens treated to a macabre public spectacle belonging more to the Dark Ages than the Twenty-first Century. The mayor, half of the city council, and a good portion of the top SCPD brass were immediately disposed of alongside key members of the resistance movement that were captured in the fighting around City Hall. Lyla Michaels and John Diggle were the last notable leaders to fall prey to the Seventh Circle’s inhuman butchers some three years later. Felicity Smoak was spared solely for her usefulness to the Seventh Circle, though she never explained to Mia precisely why she capitulated when her friends paid the ultimate price for refusing to do the same. All she would do is shake her head, mutter under her breath about needing to stay alive to find ‘the key’ and then promptly move on to another unrelated subject.

That Mia would not even exist if events played out differently does not really matter when her life barely passes for anything worth inhabiting nine days out of ten. She is virtually alone in the world since Felicity’s death, her subsistence of late is a far cry from the spartan rations doled out aboard The Waverider, and what little she has scrounged up for herself has been mainly purchased by virtue of her fists. Her diet typically consists of dried fruits and vegetables with a few cubes of salted meat and stale bread, all washed down with tepid water, while her apartment is little more than a dingy hole in the wall just big enough to pass as an inhabitable domicile. And she is doing relatively well for herself compared to most. Her only real friend stays by her side solely out of obligation to an oath he swore to a digital recording left to him by his dead father, which he was to watch upon his eighteenth birthday. That was four months ago now. And while Connor is a good person, perhaps the reason his shadowing of her is such an abrasive irritant to Mia is that she is anything but. She is, or so Felicity glumly insists, her mother’s daughter.

Thoughts of the woman whose body nourished her for nine long months quickly turn Mia’s gut sour. Acid scours her stomach lining as the burning acrimony in her heart toward one Oliver Queen inflames all over again.

Mia was not even a year old when her mother died saving the Green Arrow from a collapsing building the fateful day The Seventh Circle announced their presence to the city they would soon enough conquer. The great hero of Star City was in such a rush to escape a grisly demise that he broke a cardinal rule when he left one of his own behind. After her mother freed him from the wreckage of an interior office using her meta powers, he had wrongly assumed she was on his heels as they fled from a rapidly encroaching doom. Only when he emerged into the warm summer night did he realize he had exited alone. By then it was too late for him to make amends for his fatal mistake and repay the selfless act that spared his life. The building came down seconds later, pulverizing all remaining within beneath fifty thousand tons of rubble. There was nothing left of her mother to bury.

“Good riddance to a selfish bastard who did nothing but sow death and destruction wherever he went,” Mia spits, hateful glee underscoring her words. Her animosity for the man is only rivaled by that for the still-living Black Canary – whom she blames in equal measure for her mother’s death.

A disturbing mental image pops into her head just then of what it must have been like for her mother to sacrifice her life for a man who did not deserve her loyalty or devotion. Reportedly, Oliver had been an asshole for much of her mother’s first few years on Earth-1, and even once she proved herself as a valuable asset and steadfast ally he refused to let her forget the many sins she had committed while in service to a revolving door of evil men who had offered her something she could not refuse: a convenient outlet for her pain. Hunter Zolomon. Adrian Chase. Ricardo Diaz. These infamous names were callously flung in her mother’s face every time she made the tiniest mistake. No member of Team Arrow was treated more unfairly or subjected to such harsh criticism by Oliver as Mia’s mother was. Had it not been for the surprising friendship offered by Felicity and the unexpected love of Mia’s other genetic contributor, her mother might have fallen short in in turning her life around to honor a father who believed in his wayward daughter when no one else would.

And yet in all this her mother never stopped loving the bastard who wore a face and bore a name she could never turn her back upon.

“I’ve never lied to you about your mother, Mia. She had a lot of faults. Really, really bad ones,” Felicity told Mia one night when they were working late. Somehow the conversation devolved from engineering schematics of an old chemical plant to the complicated relationship between her missing husband and a dear friend for whom the tech magnate never stopped grieving. “One of the worst was her ability to endure abuse from people she cared for. And Oliver...was a hard man who was molded by a past so dark that your Mom was maybe the only person who truly understood the pain he constantly lived with. They brought out the best in each other – and also the worst. So yes, Oliver was very hard on your Mom. But only because he cared.”

“Is that supposed to buy him some credit in my eyes or something? Maybe change my opinion about him by drawing parallels between him and my Mom?” Mia had grumbled obstinately, not liking the target of her rage being humanized.

“No. I know better than to expect you to stop hating him,” Felicity had softly replied, eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “God knows you have a right to your feelings. But I have a right to mine, too, Mia. He was my husband and I still love him. So where he is concerned, we’re just gonna have to agree to disagree if we’re gonna keep working together. Deal?”

Felicity then extended her hand, all of that softness gone, and it was then Mia finally, irrevocably divorced her admiration Felicity Smoak from her loathing of Oliver Queen. The point that was trying to be made, however, fell short of making any lasting impact. For her mother to have fought so hard to overcome a shitty life, to have worked so hard for redemption, and to have finally achieved a measure of genuine happiness in this world only to have it crushed under the colossal weight of Lex Corps’ Star City offices was the ultimate ‘fuck you’ from the universe. That Oliver Queen could have prevented that tragedy by displaying a smidgen of the situational awareness he was so famous for made him the guilty party in an injustice that is a fiery hot coal burning incessantly inside Mia’s chest. For Felicity’s sake, she spoke of Oliver almost dispassionately, but the rage never departed from her heart. Nor will it when her mother is dead and can never be avenged. Oliver’s shocking disappearance less than a year later forever eliminated that possibility.

Brooding upon her mother’s final excruciating moments as that building came down around her, Mia feels the circuit of her self-control short out. In a pique of arcing fury, she vocalizes her fury as she viciously kicks the offensive chair whose occupant symbolizes everything she hates, sending it tumbling across the room toward the central platform. She pointedly ignores Connor’s brow furrowing with disapproval over the disrespectful outburst. Team Arrow are still his idols, having lost none of their shine as she has slowly spoon-fed him the unfiltered truth behind their demise.

The idealistic fool will never believe they were anything but picture perfect superheroes like he reads about in his stupid comics.

Fetching the flask out of her back pocket, anger spent for now, Mia brandishes it in the direction of the Green Arrow’s seat, now turned on its side several feet away. “May Oliver Queen burn in hell for the rest of eternity. Amen.” To punctuate her bitter comment, she unscrews the top then takes a hearty swig.

“Didn’t anybody teach you respect for the dead, little girl?”

Mia swirls in place toward the direction the voice emanated from. A voice she needs no visual confirmation to identify. It’s one she would recognize anywhere seeing as she’s heard it a million times on the documentary she painstakingly dug up from the old Star City Library’s archives. The voice of a woman she hates – and in a sense even more than Oliver Queen. For whereas Oliver was ultimately responsible for so much general death and pain and grief, this woman is her own personal villain.

Dinah Drake.

The name alone reignites Mia’s unruly temper. Fists tightening until her knuckles pop, she searches the perimeter of the ruins until her keen eyes spot something moving within the shadows next to one of Felicity Smoak’s custom built server arrays. A moment later a familiar form emerges from the inky darkness. On instinct, her knees unlock and her legs spread into a proper fighting platform.

“I have plenty of respect for the ones that deserve it,” she finally replies, caustic bitterness seeping into her tone as it always does around the Black Canary. “And I’m far from a little girl. Ask the two hundred thirty pound meathead I knocked out cold a couple hours ago. If he can even answer through a broken jaw, that is.”

Dinah chuckles tauntingly as she departs the comfortable seclusion of the shadows. Draped in leather, she cuts a striking figure, still in peak fighting shape and hauntingly beautiful even in her early fifties. The stark red line scored across her throat is a reminder to Mia of the harrowing events, described in excruciating detail by an incredibly drunken Felicity, that precipitated her parents falling in love. A gift from the Star City Slayer that robbed the Canary of her supernatural song.

Pity for Dinah wells up from somewhere deep inside, and Mia rushes to strangle it with a ruthlessness that has served her so well in the fighting cages. Losing her powers must have been devastating to Dinah, and yet it was no less than she deserved if only for the unforgivable betrayals she committed against her own flesh and blood several years later.

“I would, but I have a feeling they’d tell me what I already know,” says Dinah, slowly sauntering toward the two youths trespassing on what is to her hallowed ground, a lair where some of her best memories were made.

This is the place where she learned how to be more than a public servant, more than a citizen, more than a soldier, more than an irrationally angry woman hellbent on revenge. It was here she learned how to be a hero. Had she never met Oliver, never become the Black Canary, her life would be so much more meaningless. The path she was heading down would have ultimately led either to one of three infamous dungeons constructed solely to imprison metas or to a premature, and very likely horrific, death.

It was Oliver who pulled her out of the pit of rage and self-loathing she crawled into after Vinny’s death by reminding her what honor means, and just in time too as she had very nearly lost all concept of it in pursuit of vengeance. He then trained her, taught her to fight against foes of a skill tier she could not have dreamed of facing as a lowly vice detective, gave her a purpose greater than herself, made her believe in herself again, and in doing so not only save her life but her immortal spirit. Without him, she would be nothing, would be a nameless number in a dark hole or a pile of rotting bones six feet beneath the earth.

And yet here she is, still struggling to preserve the soul of the city Oliver so loved and dedicated himself to. For what purpose? So many have asked her that question. The answer is that she owes him that and so much more, because not only did he save her, but he also introduced her to her chosen family for whom she would gladly lay down her life and indirectly brought the love of her life into her orbit. On days when it is nearly impossible to even crawl out of bed for the despair that hangs over her like an oppressive pall, she can draw upon the best memories of the happiest days of her life with her friends and her spouse, which never would have happened had Oliver not taken such an enormous risk on her. That is why no one speaks ill of him without provoking her wrath. Especially not an acerbic, broody, sarcastic street urchin like this.

As always around the girl whose name she was told is Maya, her attention never strays far as she moves in closer. Offended as she is by the intrusion upon this sacred space and as upset as she is about the girl’s heartless disparagement toward a man she still admires above all others, there is something about her that intrigues Dinah. And frightens her. There is a violence in those brilliant green eyes that reminds Dinah of someone else, of another blonde who loved to argue and throw punches nearly as much as she loved to breathe.

Having observed the girl in the illegal fighting pits, Dinah stops a stone’s throw away, eyeing her potential opponent critically. Not many since Oliver disappeared have earned her respect for their wild tenacity and breathtaking skill in combat, but this girl is one of them. The efficient brutality she witnessed in the cages was beyond impressive, especially for someone so young.

“You’re a great fighter in the ring,” she then finishes her point, “but a moody, irritating brat on the outside.”

“The vaunted Black Canary,” Mia replies, lids narrowing as her blood begins to boil. “So quick to judge those you don’t know. If I were you I’d be more careful. Somebody might get wise and finally call you out on your hypocrisy.”

Dinah rolls her eyes and scoffs, suddenly glad that William and Zoe are elsewhere so they are not exposed to this...unfounded vitriol. “Oh, that’s rich. How, pray tell, am I the hypocrite when you are doing precisely what you just now condemned me for?” When no response is given, Dinah barks out a derisive laugh. “What’s the matter, little girl. Cat got your tongue? Or are you all bark and no bite when faced with a harsh truth from one of your betters.”

Considering what this woman has done, that statement is an absurd joke so far as Mia is concerned. “Ha! I know two-bit sleaze bags who are better and more honorable than you.”

Something pricks at the back of Dinah’s mind, the same place that tickles when she was closing in on cracking a case that had driven her crazy for weeks or longer. A mystery is unraveling right before her eyes, puzzle pieces are being hectically slotted together by her deduction-oriented gray matter, but as of yet she cannot make sense of what revelation her subconscious is trying to convey.

Dinah crosses her arms over her chest, feeling unsettled and defensive all of the sudden. “Now that’s a claim I’m going to have to insist you back up. Which sleazebags in particular are you referring to? I’ve encountered my fair share.”

“Nobody you’d know...” Mia trails off, not having expected to be called out and not liking having the tables turned on her by someone with whom she has an intensely personal beef.

“Really? Sounds to me like you’re talking out of your ass, little girl,” Dinah growls, clearly on the edge of losing her patience.

“I told you to stop calling me that!”

“I will when you stop acting like one. Or you stop me. Either way is fine with me, Little Girl.”

Incensed by the bald provocation, Mia surges toward Dinah, intent on unloading a decade’s worth of anguish and blame. Fortunately for the Black Canary, Connor intercepts Mia before she can reach her target and holds her back as she angrily resists despite knowing her efforts to be futile. Connor is freakishly strong and knows all of her moves. There will be no getting out of his iron grip. Eventually she tires of trying to break free and reels away, steaming.

Muscles tense on the edge of snapping, panting for breath, eyes wild, she paces for a moment like a caged, starving tiger who is being taunted by a juicy slab of meat. That burning sensation in the back of her throat that has been present since she can remember whenever she is agitated flares up with a vengeance. The pressure building up inside her chest and throat is so terrific it takes every ounce of her willpower not to scream to the top of her lungs in a desperate bid for relief.

Instead of giving in to that impulse, she funnels her agitation into her go-to coping mechanism when violence is not appropriate. Whirling back around, she points at Dinah, unbridled rancor fueling her movements as much as her words.   

“You know what? Fuck you. Just...fuck you! You’re nothing but a spineless coward. A failure. A traitor to your own kin! A worthless piece of shit only fit to be scraped off the soles of my boots. A heartless bitch who pretends to be so righteous and perfect and selfless when you are anything but. You’re a fraud, and a liar, and I hate you more than you’ll ever know!”

Brows arched as high as they will go, Dinah endures the tirade with barely concealed irritation. “All of these baseless accusations and not a single shred of proof as to their veracity. Sling pejoratives at me all you want, but all I’m hearing right now is the insufferable whining of a kid who thinks she knows how the world works but hasn’t a clue.”

“Oh, I know plenty,” Mia bites back, her control slipping again, and with it her will to withhold knowledge that will hurt Dinah more keenly than the sting of any weapon. “I know that I spent almost half of my life being abused and the other half chasing down ghosts all because of you. I know that I’m not the only one who wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire because it is your fault that everything I have loved has been taken away from me, beginning with my birth mother. If only Aunt Sara were here, she’d...”

“Mia...” The tall, hulking boy who looks vaguely familiar shoots a pleading glances for his tiny companion to power down the vitriol. Sadly, as Dinah figured it would, his plea goes unheeded.

Too far gone to heed his warning, Mia barrels along under a full head of steam. “No, Connor! This self-righteous bitch needs to know that she isn’t the paragon of virtue she believes she is. How could anyone delude themselves like she has and call themselves a hero? A real hero would love and take care of her only child instead of tossing her away like a piece of fucking garbage!” Accusing green eyes pin a reeling Dinah down. “I mean, isn’t that exactly what you did?” When Dinah reels back, blanching, eyes blown comically wide, Mia shoots her a vicious, victorious sneer. “C’mon now. No need to deny it. We both know what you did to your daughter.”

Shocked to the depths of her soul, Dinah grapples to understand what the hell is going on. “What? How do you…? Who told you that?”

The spluttering response is indicative of her bone-deep confusion. There are very few people living who are aware she had a child, none of whom – or so she thought – were privy to the fact her baby did not die, but was in fact taken away from her and then put up for adoption because she was guilty as charged: a failure of a mother.

When her fiancee died, Dinah essentially much lost her mind. In a repeat of the aftermath of Vince’s death – only exponentially worse – she alternated immersing herself head first into whatever cheap form of liquor she could get her hands on until she passed out with needlessly picking fights. Most of those physical altercations were with bad guys twice her size that she took on without backup, and that many of them wound up hospitalized after she was done with them was of no concern to her. All she cared about was numbing the pain however and whenever she could.

Such reckless, disturbing behavior was not conducive to caring for an eleven month old baby girl. Which is why Dinah didn’t put up a fight when Rene took her daughter away from her in the middle of one of her vilest binges. Nor did she rail at Felicity for helping Rene find her baby new parents they both insisted were more than capable of providing the stable, loving home she could not. Instead of sobering up like she should have to fight for her daughter, she just sat at home, more miserable than ever, and drowned herself in Jack Daniels and tears. At the time, she was too far gone to do much else.

It took five long years for Dinah to crawl out of the lonely, filthy hole of withering depression and borderline madness she dug for herself. Even though she felt unworthy to reclaim a spot in her daughter’s life, she tried to track her down only to find all traces of the couple who adopted her were erased from the system. Not even Felicity with the full might of her gigantic server farm at Smoak Tech could track down her baby girl. Heartbroken all over again and so ashamed she could hardly stand to look at herself in a mirror, Dinah focused all of her energies on carrying on Oliver’s mission to save Star City, hoping in time the fickle whims of fortune might swing in her direction one last time. Only it never has.

Though Dinah has spent more time and money than is reasonable in the pursuit, she never located her daughter. And the shame of what she did to lose the sole surviving fruit of a love she thought could not possibly exist is still as fresh as the day she woke up in rehab. Sober for the first time in half a decade, she finally realize the depth to which she had descended to have so criminally neglected the last piece of her lost love that her friends felt it necessary to intervene lest a truly appalling tragedy occur.

Alone, and destitute, she had to rebuild her life from the ground up. So that’s what she did. It was only much later that she reconnected with a grown up Zoe, who she took under her wing and trained as her replacement. In a lot of ways, Zoe was a balm upon the wound that was her missing daughter. Were it not for Zoe’s faith and trust and affection, Dinah isn’t sure where she would be right now. All of her friends cut her off as she neared the terminal point of her self-destructive spiral. Sometimes it feels like Zoe is the only person in the world who still gives a damn about her. Not that she deserves even that much considering what she did to her own flesh and blood.

Regardless of how Felicity and Rene’s opinions of her, she had believed her secret was safe with them. Hate her as they may, they both loved her baby girl, and neither of them have ever hinted at indulging temptation to expose her most damning trespass. But apparently she was wrong.

“Who told me that?” Mia asks, tone taunting. “The question you should be asking is about my birth name. Maya Blackstar, I am not. Now that you’ve heard my real first name now thanks to Connor here, what comes after Mia? Care to wager a guess?” Silence is her only answer. “Oh, c’mon. How can you not know who I am? Felicity recognized me within ten seconds of meeting me outside Smoak Tech.”

Dinah’s heart stutters then constricts until pain lances through her chest. A piercing chill races up the length of her body as she connects the dots laid out plainly before her. The age is all wrong. But everything else is screaming out an identity that should be by any natural explanation impossible. The hair color. The eye color. The cut of Mia’s jawline and nose and brow. The shape of her lips and eyes. The way she moves when she fights in the cages. Her elegant savagery. Her insatiable rage. All that is missing is the sonic scream that could never have manifested thanks to Cisco and Felicity’s meta suppression implant.

Suddenly all Dinah can see is an image she has, for the sake of her mental health, unsuccessfully attempted to forget. A tall, svelte woman arrayed in a sleek black leather uniform, curve-hugging top with dual knee-length coattails attached to the hemline over top tight booty shorts, suggestive fishnets, and fancy knee-high heeled boots. A black choker wrapped around an elegant throat. Side-swept blonde hair tumbling down over shapely shoulders. Black painted lips curled up into an insufferably smug smirk, golden septum ring glinting in the moonlight. Not for the first time even today, Laurel Lance stands straight and proud in her mind’s eye. Vibrant and alive. Menacing and so terribly beautiful that Dinah would cry if she were safe within the secluded confines of her apartment.

Juxtaposed with the youth before her, it’s so easy to see the resemblance now. All she has to do is mentally place Mia in Laurel’s wardrobe, arrange them shoulder-to-shoulder beside herself in front of a mirror, and the awful truth dawns like a solemn bell sounding an alarm over a town previously ignorant to the impending catastrophe lurking on the fringes.

It can’t be. Can it? There’s just no way it’s her. I mean, it’s impossible because she is way too old. My Mia would only be eleven right now – err, wait. Didn’t she say something about The Waverider and her Aunt Sara. Oh, fuck! But surely Sara would have told me if Mia was with her. And if not her, than Felicity surely would have when they met. Wouldn't they?

The answer to that last question is self-evident. Sara would not have contacted Dinah because she never forgave her for Laurel’s death – and rightly so when Dinah never forgave herself. It was supposed to be her backing Oliver up that night, not Laurel. But she’d been too tired having stayed up half the night with a feverish, grumpy baby and Laurel had so sweetly volunteered to cover with Team Arrow that she simply couldn’t say no. So she fell asleep on the couch with Mia laid across her chest while her wife of four years was being eradicated from existence by Lex Luthor, the great betrayer of the human race.

At the funeral, Sara would not meet Dinah’s eyes except to convey a seething condemnation that was as present in her gaze as it was in the clenching of her jaw and the balling of her fists. And when Sara learned about Rene and Felicity taking Mia away? Well, to say that confrontation got ugly would be like saying a monsoon brought a little rain. The only reason Sara didn’t kill Dinah that night was Ava discovering her long time partner’s deadly intentions and arriving in the nick of time to stop the carnage. When Sara was finally dragged off, Dinah was a writhing mess of blood and pain who could only listen, and sob miserably, as her sister-in-law passed sentence upon her like she was a target of the League.

“You’re lucky Ava knows me so well and that I love her too much to do something she would hate me for,” Sara had said, fists raw and bloodied, all coiled up venom and hatred. “But if I ever see your face again, even she won’t be able to stop me from finishing the job.”

For obvious reasons, they haven’t spoken since.

As for Felicity...Dinah was not the only one to lose a spouse during the horrific year retroactively dubbed as The Long Twilight. Oliver’s disappearance, and presumed death, followed by a stress-induced miscarriage forever quenched Felicity’s light. The bright, overly excitable, adorably nerdy chatterbox she was proud to call her friend quickly devolved into an intensely pessimistic, highly unstable genius who used her amazing brain to do awful things. Whereas Dinah coped through measured violence and the bottle, Felicity submersed herself into building an empire and using the immense resources she accrued to punish the world around her for the pain she could not escape. It was inevitable that their divergent paths meant they drifted apart and that their friendship, like nearly every one of Dinah’s relationships since The Long Twilight, withered on the poisoned vine and died.

The last she heard from Felicity was a bewildering message which cryptically stated: “Don’t believe the narrative that’s being fed to us. Some things are not what they seem. Up can be down and lost can be found. Just have to find the key.” Two days later the news rolled in that Felicity Smoak was found murdered in her office at Smoak Tech.

So yes, it is entirely possible that Felicity, perhaps even in cahoots with Sara, kept this colossal secret. And why shouldn’t she? It wasn’t like Dinah ever attempted to reach out and span the yawning chasm of distrust between them. She’d been too proud as of yet to grovel and equally reluctant to find out how the new, frightfully hostile Felicity might react to any peaceful overtures.

As reality sinks in as to what that cowardice might have cost her, she also begins to accept what she’s being told, and the shock she had felt moments before rapidly becomes an unbearable mix of emotions. Eyes stinging with salty tears, the name she heard less than a minute ago escapes her lips with little more than a shaky breath.

“Mia…?”

An almost euphoric grin spreads across Mia’s lips as she watches the Black Canary, that paragon of strength and nobility, unravel into a weak, vulnerable, uncertain woman whose entire world has just been upended. She hadn’t planned on spilling the beans so soon, having preferred to stretch out the torment over weeks or months; but now that the truth has come out she can’t deny how sweet it is to observe the horror and shame playing across her mother’s face. Her other mother, that is.

When Mia turned thirteen, her Aunt Sara sat her down to explain her unusual parentage. As the details were laid out, she at first wondered if a mistake was made. How could two women be her biological parents? Perhaps, she thought, she had been the result of artificial reproductive techniques like In Vitro or sperm donation. Come to find out there is technology belonging to an alien – one whom all of Team Arrow, including her parents, had befriended – from another Earth capable of enabling same sex couples to biologically reproduce. Her aunt called it a Genesis Chamber. Said that her parents were honored to be one of a few select human couples permitted to utilize the facility. Something called a Kelex reportedly determined their potential offspring to be highly beneficial to human evolution due to their unique meta DNA. That, and their saving the life of a very important woman named Alex Danvers indebted the vessel’s rightful owners to them.

Whatever the case behind her conception, Mia was just happy to know that there was a time she was actually wanted by her birth parents. Loved even if Felicity was any reliable narrator of the past. But then she found out about Laurel, her birth mother, dying to save Oliver’s life, and how her other mother Dinah essentially checked out on their helpless baby due to grief. She was also informed that a man named Rene took her away from Dinah one rainy night in September when he checked in on his friend only to find her in an alcohol induced coma while Mia was screaming her head off in her playpen having been neglected for who knows how many hours. Five years later Dinah got sober, but by then Mia was already absent from Earth-1, having been rescued from an abusive home by her beloved Aunt Sara.

Needless to say pretty much the only thing she feels for Dinah is disgust.

“That’s it,” Mia says, relishing Dinah’s pain, needing to witness more to assuage the years of hurt and anger that have accumulated toward her only living immediate blood relative. “Say it. Say my name. That useless old book was right about one thing: the truth will set you free.”

Dinah is so shell-shocked, so devastated, so dangerously hopeful that her entire body trembles. This is the moment she’s been waiting for. And dreading. After being separated from her baby girl for so long, to have her right here within arm’s reach is a dream come true. At the same time it is a nightmare from which she doesn’t think she’ll ever awaken. Because the young lady before her is so deeply resentful, having been traumatized and abused by her adoptive family and then raised on a time ship with a bunch of morally gray misfits instead of the warmth of loving home with her parents, all the while believing she was unwanted by her own mother.

This girl – this haunted, hateful, beautiful girl – is her daughter, the only tangible proof remaining that Laurel was real and their love was extraordinarily special. And she hates Dinah. It’s enough to rend in twain what remains of Dinah’s shredded heart.

“Oh, God.” Dinah chokes down a sob, eyes now watering past the ability of her lids and lashes to contain the tears of joy and grief. “Mia. Is it really you? Is it...”

“I said, say my name!”

Mia’s explosive demand startles Dinah to such a degree she physically flinches. “Your name…” she trails off, draws in a shaky breath before recovering a modicum of composure. Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Buck up. Put on a strong front. Be the mother you should have been all those years ago. Shoulders straightening, she bravely and resolutely meets Mia’s eyes. “Your name is Mia Deardon Lance.”

So named Mia for Dinah’s beloved Nana and Deardon because Laurel had made an oath to her Oliver their firstborn daughter would somehow honor the distinguished but fiercely loving woman who was much Laurel’s mother as his. There hadn’t been a single argument about their respective choices, a rarity in their...occasionally contentious relationship. Dinah has never felt and never saw Laurel more proud than when she announced their newborn daughter’s name to their loved ones who had just spent eleven hours in a waiting room and yet were so effusively happy that they could scarcely contain themselves. Mia is their greatest accomplishment, and however much Dinah failed her that remains an indisputable fact.

“And there we have it. The awful, terrible truth. Isn’t it just wonderful?” Mia says, feeling the weight of a lifetime belonging to no one rescind from her shoulders. She has a mother now. If only that mother was Laurel instead. Stepping forward into Dinah’s personal space, she smirks as she goes in for the kill. “Hi, Mom. I’d say it’s nice to meet you, but that would be a lie.”

[sometimesrosy]

Can you give a timeline of when you think bellarke’s feelings for each other began? btw I love ur meta posts :)

thanks! :)

I worked on this all day. It took a long time. I should remember it the next time someone asks me for this and just point them back to this. 

Season 1

first meeting: WOAH who’s that? Hot. (mutual)

early drop ship: antagonist but strangely drawn to each other. they need each other or need to find a way around the other. (the wrist band. take it off. you’ll have to kill me. she makes him smile. and she needs him to follow her.)

Earth Skills: falling in the pit: he DIDN’T drop her. They are both surprised by this. A recognition that he is NOT the bad guy he seems. On both sides. I think it throws bellamy more than it does clarke.

Earth Kills: She kills Atom. She realizes he is softer than he seems. He realizes she is tougher than she seems. New respect. They begin to work together.

Murphy’s Law: He builds a wall with fear. She doubts but sees it’s working. She goes off half cocked to blame Murphy, when he told her not to and it causes disaster. She begins to respect him as a leader who understands things. 

Twilight’s Last Gleaming: They are working separately for the same ends (to save Charlotte) Until she GIVES him power. Instead of fighting against each other to run the delinquents, they do it together. IT WORKS. Team Bellarke begins. 

“Can you wish upon this kind of shooting star?”: first intimacy. She expects him not to understand. He does. Beginning of tentative friendship.

Work together to… well… torture Lincoln *sigh*: He tries to protect her from it, she refuses. She doesn’t need to be protected. She’s taking responsibility for their action. He tries to lessen the burden the way she did with Atom.

Day Trip: She seeks him out to partner with. Says it’s because she doesn’t like him. But she can be honest with him and depend on him to back her up. Hmm. Clarke tells Finn she trusts Bellamy and is surprised by this. (this might be out of order.) They work together well and this is its own intimacy. Find guns. He is thrown by the intimacy and realizes he is physically attracted to her. They flirt. He runs off. They save each other from Dax. He is vulnerable and tells her he is a monster. She tells him he can’t leave and she needs him, which makes him look at her in hope, “We ALL need you,” which makes him look away in disappointment (the moment Rosy stared shipping it. I said ‘wait what? he cares if she needs him? let me watch that 10 billion times.’) Power couple enters camp to save the day. Clarke intercedes with Jaha to save and praise Bellamy. He can’t believe it. Clarke truly likes Bellamy. Bellamy’s crush on Clarke begins. 

Unity Days: honest to god flirting. Clarke is putting out genuine signals to Bellamy like any girl who is into a guy. At this point I think it is mostly physical for her. She wants to have fun and he’s hot and she likes him. He sends her away (this is a pattern with him. when there is a potential for romance with her he backs off.) She turns to Bellamy to back her up with Finn’s plan. She has drawn her alliance in the sand here. She trusts and depends upon Bellamy, not Finn.  Bellamy does not disappoint her. 

I can’t separate it here. They work together a lot. Trust each other. Argue over how to do things. Confide in each other. Support each other. They are becoming real friends here. I think when he sleeps with Raven there is a measure of jealousy that Clarke went with Finn, but he’s not going to admit that. He is not acknowledging his feelings for her at this point. Brushes them off as nothing but a crush.

When Clarke closes the dropship door on Bellamy, she is terrified and desperate that she might lose him, to the extent that her canon love interest who is trying to get her back sees her distress and goes after his prime competition to SAVE him for HER. Which is worse, because now she has to close the door on both the boy she loves and the man she has come to depend on the most. Yes I called Finn a boy and Bellamy a man. Do you disagree?

super long. seasons 2, 3 and 4 after the jump

Season 2

 Clarke awakens and fixates on Bellamy and Finn. Always a pair in her concern. Her love interest and her….??? If they had been in the mountain, I doubt she would have struggled to get out. Pairing of Finn and Bellamy in her mind is a subconscious thing. Bellamy is becoming someone LIKE a love interest, without being one.

Bellamy takes Finn’s lead on rescuing Clarke. He doesn’t HAVE to admit his feelings for her, because Finn will obsessively go after her for him. He lets him and takes the back seat. He choses Mel and his people over Clarke and sends Finn after Clarke.  Because he does. Not. have feelings for her. 

Reunion hug: startling everyone. Clarke runs into his arms. Pure joy and relief for them both. They do not know how they feel about each other. It does not matter. They are just feeling it. It’s a lot. 

Campfire: Bellamy stares first and Octavia and then at Clarke, realizing for the first time there’s someone OTHER than O who he wants to see again. Then they absolve each other of their sins. It had to be done. Mutual support. On an emotional level. After this there is lots of teamwork. 

“I can’t lose you too”: Bellamy is shocked that she linked him and Finn. I don’t know if Clarke noticed that she did it. But she did. She needs him. Followed closely by “Love is a weakness”–”I was being weak.” Seems to him that Clarke doesn’t care anymore. But it’s really a subconscious (I think) realization that she loves Bellamy and losing him would be too painful, so she pushes him away and refuses to feel. Bellamy then shuts off all feelings for her and focuses on his quest to save his people. (princess/knight trope)

“It just makes sense.”: princess/knight trope from Bellamy’s perspective. Devoted love, but “platonic.” From here on until Camp Jaha, Bellamy’s feelings for Clarke are barely even a thing in season 2. He puts it aside.

Bellamy finally radios: Before she hears his voice, she is despairing, feels hopeless, and is afraid she sentenced him to death. Once she hears his voice she has a new plan. Keep Bellamy alive by distracting MW with an army.

TonDC bombing: Clarke goes to Lxa to save TonDC, but Lxa uses her concern for Bellamy to get her to agree to sacrifice the coalition leaders and town. She had other reasons, but it was Bellamy’s protection that decided her. 

The entire time she’s working with L she is talking about Bellamy, about protecting him, about how he’s trustworthy, how he’ll do it, about how much faith she has in him.

“You care about him,” L asks her. She denies it. It’s a weakness to care. When L cared, her enemies killed  her. Clarke is aware of this. L described Costia as special. She cannot show to L that Bellamy is special. (she fails at this.)

When L kisses her, Clarke says she is not ready for anything with anybody. Please note there is no one else trying to kiss her. I maintain that she is already thinking of Bellamy as that possible “anybody” that she’s not ready for. Further linking Bellamy in that rejection/potential LI is the EXACT next scene. Next line even. “Bellamy did it.” Bellamy’s signal flare goes up. He got rid of the veil. The army can march.

Clarke and Bellamy meet under the mountain: This is a remarkable reunion in that it seems to be a reversal of the previous reunion where Clarke ran to Bellamy and jumped into his arms. This time they don’t touch. She does, however, hug Monty and Jasper and Bellamy hugs Octavia. Something has changed. I think it goes back to what she told L. She now sees Bellamy as a romantic interest, but she is NOT READY FOR THAT. So she holds back and keeps it all business, just as he is since being told it was worth the risk. 

The Lever: This was HUGE for Clarke. She had to do it but she struggled with the immensity of it. He does it with her, harkening back to season 1 and their partnership where they shared the burden. She values him SO much because of this.

Camp Jaha departure: She says good bye to Bellamy. He’s heartbroken. He wanted her to stay but he understood why she left. She kisses him here, and almost looks like she would stay but tears herself away from him. Her goodbye to him is different than the one to Monty. It is saying goodbye to a romanic potential that she’s not ready for. It is not platonic. He’s still platonic though. She leaves. And while we don’t see it, believe that she spends the entire 3 months alone thinking about him and what he did for her and how much she cared for him. I believe she is in love with him here and knows it but is entirely unready for it. He has no clue.

Season 3

Wanheda 1 and 2. Bellamy still has no clue that he is in love with Clarke but he is also a bit obsessed with her. “a bit.” 

He disguises himself and runs across enemy lines to find her. He forgets his surroundings when he sees her. She calls him (I think) “Bell” and seems amazed that he would come to her. She is already in love with him. She gives up fighting so Roan will spare him. (Roan clocks this whole interaction. Roan begins to ship it. Confirmed. Ask Zach.)

Dumbass Bellamy is bleeding out trying to follow them.  “–Can’t lose Clarke!!! We can’t lose Clarke!” despair. Shocking everyone who sees him so distraught. Dumbass still doesn’t know he’s in love with her. 

Bellamy leaves MW to go save Clarke at the summit. Finds out MW and Gina are gone. Clarke looks like the enemy. Stays with the enemy. Does not come home with him. BETRAYAL. Dumbass still does not realize that these feelings he has for her are love. Plus, doubly heartbroken, Gina and Clarke both gone to the grounders. CLARKE at the summit is horrified to see him. Refuses to show her feelings to him in front of Azgeda, Lxa and the coalition, all of whom are barely allies and closer to enemies. Love is a weakness. They kill people you love to control you. She can also barely even show emotion to her mother here. She’s deep in a mental breakdown here. 

Hakeldama: Clarke still believes Bellamy is her hero. He wouldn’t. He’ll fix it. He’ll work with her. He isn’t. He won’t. We finally get Bellamy to call Clarke to task for what she did to HIM specifically. They finally express emotions they have been restraining for months. And only with each other. Bellamy sees her crying and kneels in front of her taking her hand and BOOM, finally catches up to the dumbass. HE’S IN LOVE WITH HER! OH! Crap. That’s terrifying. Slaps the handcuffs on her, breaking her heart, because she thinks he hates her. When really he’s just terrified. She shocklashes him and runs.

Clarke turns to Lxa because she’s heartbroken and Lxa loves her. Bellamy turns to Pike because screw you softer emotions and screw you grounders! Screw all of you. Clearly Clarke and Bellamy are done.

Nevermore: No, you’re wrong. Clarke and Bellamy are not done. Team’s back together. Mutual handwrapping is an intimacy that says they still care. Clarke begins her campaign to win back Bellamy’s friendship and care. Which she never lost but he’s so angry.  Demons, the team is back. Partnership reclaimed.

The  Beach: She won’t leave him even though he tells her to buzz off. He forgives her. They hug and find their home in each other again. The hug allows him to cry. It allows her to smile. Then they drink poison with an actual vow, “together.” In some circles that’s a commitment ceremony.

The scene when Clarke is looking at the Polis tower, and then looks at Bellamy passing in front of the rover and he is haloed by the lights is, I think, a visual bit of storytelling which says Clarke has let go of L and is moving onto the future, which is with Bellamy. There were other signs of her processing her grief, but I think this wasn’t just for us, but was her thinking about the past and then letting go. 

When she tells him that she trusts him, I think it goes a long way to him feeling like she values him. Which maybe he didn’t think before.

He returns that when he tells her that he believes her about the flame and not only doesn’t he argue with her but he feeds her the chip. 

Oh also the hand holding when the flame goes in. She reaches out for him and he is there only for emotional support because she’s afraid. 

Season 4

The beginning of season 4 starts with them very much together and intimate and partnered, with everything from her thanking him for keeping her alive to his threats to echo when she has Clarke to leaving Polis together. However, the reminder of her love for L reinforces his belief that although he loves Clarke, she does not love him. She does though. She loved them both.

Their partnership is super tight in the early s4. They are very together. Bellamy is sure he loves her, but he still thinks it’s the princess/knight thing. It’s not. She returns it and moves closer and closer to him, up until the list scene where she nuzzles his hand and he…. can’t take it. Or doesn’t think she loves him and is just physical or gets scared or I don’t know what, but he runs away. She feels sad and rejected by him again, and although she thought he loved her too, she now thinks he doesn’t feel that way for her. Boo. Both move away from love. 

But I think he was jealous and pissed off when she went to Niylah. Because he treats her WAY different after that. Oh I think she was jealous when she saw him talking to Luna, though, too. hm.

At this point we are now in full on mutual pining. He loves her and thinks she doesn’t love him back (witness Niylah and Lxa.) She loves him and thinks he doesn’t feel like that about her (witness he keeps turning her down.) 

Clarke did not intend to almost confess her feelings for him on the beach. But she was feeling so much, longing so much they just slipped out.

He ALMOST got it, but not quite. Started to confess his feelings for her, and I don’t think he was intending to tell her he loved her, that’s too hard for him, but he was going to say something and it might have been about how special SHE was. but no.

On science island, we have Clarke full on pining for a love like Memori, with that soft empty bed. I think she’s thinking about Bellamy.

In Arkadia, Jasper convinces Bellamy to want something for himself, and he goes with Bree, Clarke’s lookalike. Whether they did it or not, he turned to a substitute for Clarke. Because it was as close as he could get because he couldn’t have her.

When she kidnaps, imprisons and points a gun at him, he is full on furious at her. I don’t think he even thinks of his emotions. Just fury. Betrayal. 

She thinks it’s over. Why bother? He hates her. 

Then he realizes in the rover that when she didn’t pull the gun on him, it wasn’t a sign that she didn’t value him, but a sign that she valued him over EVERYONE. I think he finally connects that Clarke actually loves him back, and all of a sudden his anger evaporates and he’s smiling at her. It’s totally dumb and comes out of nowhere. It’s because he realizes she LOVES HIM TOO. She doesn’t realize yet that it’s mutual. 

But they are all of a sudden a team again. 

When he hugs her because she missed her phone call, Clarke already thinks she’s dying. She sinks into him and grabs onto him, holding onto him because she’s decided she doesn’t want to let him go. 

When they’re flirting with oxymorons and cold sweat, I think we get HER moment where she realizes he returns her feelings. For one second there’s a light of joy in her face and then she remembers that she’s dying and she doesn’t want him to hurt when she does and she doesn’t get to keep him and she’s sad.

He doesn’t want her to tell him goodbye because he knows what it means and he can’t bear it and he also doesn’t want her confession because it means the same thing but he stops and listens because he loves her.

They go to fix the dish. They get separated. When she tells him to “hurry,” that is essentially her saying she doesn’t want to give up trying and she’s going to try to live and it is the opposite of “may we meet again” because it essentially means may we not part at all. 

And here’s Bellamy where his heart breaks.

And here’s Clarke where she’s been holding onto his memory for 6 years to keep from losing her mind. Because it’s a love letter she’s sending him every day for 2199 days.

And here’s where my heart breaks. 

Screw you JR. 

30 more days.

[mrlnsfrt]

Defeat and Dishonor, a Cautionary Tale

Thus the first king of Israel perished, with the guilt of self-murder upon his soul. His life had been a failure, and he went down in dishonor and despair, because he had set up his own perverse will against the will of God. - Patriarchs and Prophets p682

The King Who Had Everything

At the beginning of his reign, Saul had everything. He was tall, he was handsome (1 Samuel 9:1-2), he was filled with the Spirit of God (1 Samuel 10:10). Saul had achieved military victories by God’s power (1 Samuel 11:6-11). (For more on these stories check out Tall, Handsome, and Clueless, Making a King, and You Shall Have Help)

How can someone who started so well end so terribly?

Saul’s Journey: a downward spiral

As mentioned above Saul started off with everything he needed to be a successful king. God had chosen him, he had the support of Samuel the prophet, he had experienced military success by God’s hand. Sadly Saul’s success is short-lived in light of his career as a king.

Saul’s Unlawful Sacrifice

This event is recorded in 1 Samuel 13 and I have a blog post on it entitled “Obedience During Emergencies.” Saul had been told to wait for Samuel who would offer a sacrifice. However, Samuel took longer than Saul had expected and Saul’s men began to leave. In an attempt to keep his troops from leaving Saul offered the sacrifice, and just as he finished Samuel appeared.

Noticing what had just taken place Samuel spoke to Saul saying:

And Samuel said to Saul, “You have done foolishly. You have not kept the commandment of the Lord your God, which He commanded you. For now the Lord would have established your kingdom over Israel forever. - 1 Samuel 13:13 NKJV

Here we see clearly that God was willing to establish Saul as king. But when Saul should have trusted in God and obeyed he failed. Saul failed because he sought to keep his men from leaving by using religious rites for personal influence and power. Instead of trusting in God to provide him with his military victories, as God has done previously, Saul sought to raise and keep an army by his own strength. In his desperate attempt to keep the men from leaving, he disobeyed God.

When it looks like faithfulness to God will cost you the support of those around you, do you trust in God to provide for you, or do you turn from God in an attempt to secure the support of people?

All Saul had to do was wait for Samuel. At first glance, just waiting is super easy, barely an inconvenience. But upon closer inspection, waiting is incredibly difficult and takes strong faith, especially when you are surrounded by enemies and losing the support of your peers.

However, all was not lost, Saul could still repent, turn to God and seek His mercy. After all, we serve a merciful God. I believe it was Saul’s pride that kept him from receiving the forgiveness that was available to him.

Saul’s son, Jonathan ends up being the one to lead the attack on the Philistines, and God uses him in a mighty way. For more on this story read my post “A Mighty Minority.”

Saul eventually joins in the fight, but he once again misuses and even abuses religion in an attempt of gaining more power for himself. I have a post on this entitled “Abuse and Misuse of Religion”

Saul Rejected as King

Saul does not understand that the religious rites were established in order to help him connect with God. We see no sincere desire on Saul’s part to connect with God, only to manipulate the people for personal gain. Saul only wants to seem religious and pious, while demonstrating no humility before God, no repentance, no true desire to seek and live out God’s will for his life.

In 1 Samuel 15 we read about how Saul spared King Agag and the best of the sheep and oxen which they should have utterly destroyed. (For an in-depth study of God’s command to utterly destroy see my post on God’s Command to Utterly Destroy) Once again Saul behave in a way that not only was contrary to God’s command but one that he hoped would benefit him personally. Allowing his soldiers to keep the best of the spoils made him popular and perhaps would cause more men to want to fight for him. In parading king Agag as a prisoner he could enjoy the glory and honor of having a feared and terrible enemy as his slave.

Saul had not disobeyed because the task was too difficult. He chose to let the king and the best of the animals live. Also, King Saul had not disobeyed because he had compassion for the king or the animals, rather, it was because he hoped to gain more power, support, and influence by doing so.

This is what Samuel had to say to Saul on that occasion:

16 Then Samuel said to Saul, “Be quiet! And I will tell you what the Lord said to me last night.”

And he said to him, “Speak on.”

17 So Samuel said, “When you were little in your own eyes, were you not head of the tribes of Israel? And did not the Lord anoint you king over Israel? 18 Now the Lord sent you on a mission, and said, ‘Go, and utterly destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are consumed.’ 19 Why then did you not obey the voice of the Lord? Why did you swoop down on the spoil, and do evil in the sight of the Lord?” […]

22 So Samuel said:

“Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, As in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams. 23 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being king.” - 1 Samuel 15:16-19, 22-23 NKJV

There is more to this story and I have a post on it entitled “Mostly Obedient.”

From this point forward things continue to deteriorate for Saul. David is anointed king, but this is done privately while he is still young (for more on that check out my post “Heart Matter”). But David no only defeats Goliath but also achieves success in all he does (for more on this check out my posts David vs Goliath, The Battle Belongs to the LORD, Behaving Wisely). As it becomes more and more evident that God has left Saul and is now with David, Saul begins to persecute David (check out Persecuted).

What if?

It is not wise to wander into the land of “what if” but I would like to simply ponder one possibility.

What if Saul had humbled himself and accepted that David would be the next king?

The main reason I mention this is because Jonathan, Saul’s oldest son, the crown prince, was best friends with David (Best Friends Forever). If anything, Jonathan is the one who has the most to lose here. David shows no intention of attacking Saul, it seems like the dispute would be fought between David and Jonathan. Yet Jonathan saw David as an ally, a friend. Would it not have been a beautiful thing to develop both David and Jonathan to be great rulers, friends, and not enemies, both seeking God’s will. Both willing to submit to the will of God, Jonathan willingly following David’s leadership.

We have a tendency of looking at life as one winning and another losing, but many times both can be more successful by working together. I have enjoyed leading, but I have also enjoyed working under a leader I respect. If I am convinced that God is using someone, I have no difficulties submitting to that person’s leadership, since it is also my desire to follow the will of God.

For Saul, I wish he had realized that there is wisdom in developing the next generation of leaders, of submitting to God’s will and trusting that God knows what is best. I believe that if Saul had humbled himself and helped develop David into a great king, Israel would have prospered and he would have had a better life, and especially the end of his life would have been more pleasant.

Saul’s Tragic End

Sadly Saul pushed away his best military leader, David, and now was left to fight a combined Philistine Army. The story now picks up probably a few days after the events described in 1 Samuel 28. Saul had just received a major blow by spirit conjured by a medium in EnDor (check out Talking to the Dead?). Saul is about to go into war believing that he will lose. By seeking counsel through a source repeatedly condemned by God, Saul had exposed himself to demonic influences and messages.

I believe that nothing gives the enemy greater joy than to tell people that God has rejected them, that they have gone too far, and that they will die for their sins. If you ever hear that voice in your heart or mind, please recognize its origin. Such messages do not come from God. Yes, there is destruction awaiting those who reject God, but God’s message is one of unconditional love and a call to repentance.

The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not willing for any to perish, but for all to come to repentance. - 2 Peter 3:9 NASB

Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked,” declares the Lord GOD, “rather than that he would turn from his ways and live? - Ezekiel 18:23 NASB

So how did the fighting go?

We have now arrived at the last chapter of 1 Samuel, and it gives us a brief description of this battle.

Now the Philistines fought against Israel; and the men of Israel fled from before the Philistines, and fell slain on Mount Gilboa. Then the Philistines followed hard after Saul and his sons. And the Philistines killed Jonathan, Abinadab, and Malchishua, Saul’s sons. The battle became fierce against Saul. The archers hit him, and he was severely wounded by the archers. - 1 Samuel 31:1-3 NKJV

While David is fighting and destroying the enemies of Israel and setting captives free and bringing back gifts (for more on this story go to The Messes We Make) the men of Israel are fleeing from before the Philistines. There is not much of a battle described in this chapter. In the first verse, the men of Israel flee, in the second verse, three of Saul’s sons are killed, in the third verse Saul is severely wounded by archers. Sadly, Saul is only now realizing what David as always known, the battle belongs to the LORD.

Then all this assembly shall know that the Lord does not save with sword and spear; for the battle is the Lord’s, and He will give you into our hands.” - 1 Samuel 17:47 NKJV

How important it is for us to learn that nothing in this world is worth turning our backs on our God. It does not matter what you think you will gain by going against the will of God, it is never worth it. It may seem like it at the moment, but it is never the right choice, and that becomes abundantly clear as time goes by.

I wish the story ended here, but sadly it continues and gets even worse.

Then Saul said to his armorbearer, “Draw your sword, and thrust me through with it, lest these uncircumcised men come and thrust me through and abuse me.”

But his armorbearer would not, for he was greatly afraid. Therefore Saul took a sword and fell on it. And when his armorbearer saw that Saul was dead, he also fell on his sword, and died with him. So Saul, his three sons, his armorbearer, and all his men died together that same day. - 1 Samuel 31:4-6 NKJV

Israel’s first king kills himself after being defeated by the enemy, wounded by archers. His armorbearer follows his example.

It is one thing for you to make a mess out of your life. You can think it your life, your choice correct? In many ways this is true, but it is also not true in many ways. I do not believe anyone can afford to be so selfish. Saul was king, his sins affected a whole nation, how many thousands of men died because of Saul’s sin? His armorbearer followed his example and committed suicide! What kind of example are we to those around us? Before we commit a sin, do we weigh its cost and its impact on the lives around us?

How many young men and women have struggled against incredible difficulties because of their father’s poor choices? The sins of the father are visited in their children (Exodus 34:7) to the third and fourth generation. This does not mean that the children are guilty of the sins of their father, but rather that their father’s rebellion will make their lives more difficult. The same holds true for mothers, how many kids suffer because of the sins of their mothers.

Sin causes more suffering and misery than we imagine. It is not just the sins of the parents. How many parents suffer indescribable pain because of the sin of their children? How many suffer because of the sin of their friends, their spouses, their co-workers, neighbors?

It might be easy to point fingers at Saul since he was a king, but I would argue that it is not too different in our lives. When we choose to rebel against the will of God, we are not only inviting more suffering into our lives, we are also causing people all around us more suffering.

I am not saying that you must, by your own strength, live a sinless life from now on. I am saying that every time you choose to sin, it always affects others. And I’ll let you in a little secret, those who love you most will also suffer most. When you sin, you are not only hurting your relationship with God, you are causing those who love you most to suffer. Maybe they are not suffering today, but it’s coming, and it will happen at the worst time possible.

Dear reader, do not play with sin. Your goal in life should be to live a faithful life to God. God will strengthen you. God will forgive you and guide you. God wants to do amazing things in you, for you, and through you. But you have to choose Him at every step. This takes place daily.

Are you where God wants you to be?

Every now and again I’ll see someone post to social media something along the lines of “You are exactly where God wants you to be!”

And I have to wonder about that. Do we tell ourselves these things to quiet our conscience? I believe that God has a plan for you and can use you exactly where you are, and maybe this is what the authors of those quotes mean to say. But many times we are struggling because of the messes we make. It is not that God wants us there, but if that is what it takes for us to turn to Him and be saved, praise God!

Only God can clean the messes we make. We do not have to stubbornly continue on our own trying to fight by our own strength. Saul’s life shows us how that will end. It does not end well. By contrast, David, who also made plenty of mistakes, chose to strengthen himself in the LORD and God gave him the victory and restored all that the enemy had taken away.

What do you choose?

If you stop to think about your life and realize that perhaps you’re not exactly where God wants you to be, how about you take a moment to ask Him for help? Ask God to save you, ask God to give you victory, ask God to cause you to live your life in such a way that gives honor and glory to His name.

You are not reading this post by chance.

Take this opportunity to confess your sins, and ask God for forgiveness. He is always there for you. You can receive His forgiveness today.

Choose God today.

[amoristt]

Grazing the Fire | Nathan x Reader

disclaimer: i know nathan is not a good person. i am not putting a blanket over his actions in this fic. i, the writer, understand he’s not an innocent character and has made many terrible choices. im just answering people’s requests, please dont put me under the fire for it.

thank you.

Anonymous asked: please can you write about the reader meeting nathan for the first time? maybe they can become friends?

woohoo my first fic! im so excited to post this despite knowing it probably wont get much attention... either way to the people who DO read this i hope you enjoy the read! reblogs and replys are more than welcomed (it would make my entire life, god bless).

put under a read more for length. let me know if you can’t access it!

Warning: Language

want to support me? here’s my ko-fi!

The first time you saw him was in the dead of night, sitting on top of a picnic table with his head in his hands, a rather expensive looking camera residing next to him. He wasn’t moving much but you could tell he was stressed; shoulders hunched and his fingers occasionally pulling at his brown hair. The street lamp above him illuminated his figure and if you hadn’t already heard the rumors of the infamous Nathan Prescott you would’ve had some mind to reach out. Though this was the first time you’d actually seen him you knew it was the asshole rich kid your friends had gossiped about. You being new to Arcadia Bay seemed to grace you with not knowing him or his family, and maybe it also offered a second opinion as well. You hadn’t talked to him, seen what he’s ‘capable of’, so seeing him looking like he was seconds away from a breakdown made you wonder if he was truly the evil bastard everyone painted him out to be.

While you wanted to talk to him the fear of being yelled at was too much. Instead to sat where you always were in cool nights- at the edge of some hefty rocks and hoping Principle Wells wouldn't find you outside your dorm. It wasn’t smart to be out after hours, especially so close by, but usually you didn’t care. You valued your alone time.

Nathan left barely 20 minutes after you saw him and to your dismay he noticed you too. You couldn’t see his eyes from how far away you were but you could feel them- that cold stare. He probably thought you were watching him. Still, he seemed to spare you an argument, and disappeared into the night.

The second time you saw him you began to understand why Nathan Prescott certainly was a force to be reckoned with. While waiting in the parking lot for one of your friends you happened to see him storm out of the front door of Blackwell Academy, fire in his eyes that managed to clear a path of all the other students trying to leave. He raced straight past you and instead confronted a brunette girl you hadn’t met before. Whatever sorrow he was experiencing the previous night was replaced with venom and hate, and thought you couldn’t hear the words he was saying judging by the girl's face they weren’t too friendly.

Growing uneasy at the scene starting to play out before you, you pushed off the front of your car and shifted your weight, wondering if you should intervene. However that thought was sent out the window when a boy you also hadn’t met before tried to lay his hands on Nathan, therefore only earning a headbutt that sent him straight to the ground. You gasped, watching his body thud and his hands move to cradle the wound. The girl, to her friends defense, roughly pressed at Nathan's shoulder and he immediately retaliated by placing his hands on her throat, forcibly backing her up a few feet as his voice grew in volume. A few of the other students in the parking lot took note of the commotion but they all seemed to be in your position- both too scared and shocked to do anything.

Luckily none of you had to do anything. A truck barreled past all the parked cars and narrowly stopped just in time to avoid running the two students over, and in an instant the girl managed to free herself from Nathan’s grip and thanks to the heroic sacrifice of her friend who’d gotten back up taking a few more blows from him the girl was able to climb into the truck before it sped away, leaving behind a fuming and shouting Prescott.

Someone seemed to find it in themselves to take some sort of action, another student you had never met before running over to the two boys and kneeling beside the nerdy looking one on the ground. You could see the patches of red on his face but not the actual wounds. Nathan stared down at him like a predator but decided against attacking again, turning on his heel and stomping away while muttering things to himself. He passed by you again on his way back inside the building he saw you through the corners of his eyes and this time you were close enough to see everything first hand. His eyes narrowed at you before recognition took over, and he scoffed, mumbled something along the lines of ‘fuck off’ and then made his way back inside.

Your friend came out not minutes later, looking behind her as she made her way to you.

“Holy shit,” She said. “Did you see Nathan back there? He looked like he was going to kill someone!”

You just nodded, still staring at the doorway like he was going to come back out of it. Perhaps those rumors were more than true. He did seem to be rather violent and that was only a few minutes worth of a fight- you couldn’t imagine what it be like to be one of his enemies.

Hopping into your car with your friend right beside you, you made a mental note. Stay out of Nathan Prescott's way.

It seemed as though life did not agree with your new plan.

Since you had only been in Arcadia Bay for little over two weeks now there were still many places you still hadn't visited yet, and one of them was the frequently suggested diner ‘Two Whales’. From what you could see standing outside the building it was a cute restaurant, the logo of the two whales making you smile to yourself. Inside was how you expected it to be- small but not empty with a nice layout. Cozy. You chose a window booth and nested against the edge, staring out the window and taking in the aesthetic of a small but lively town.

“Can I start with you anything to drink?” A voice asked, pulling you from your thoughts. The waitress, a blond, stood at the end of your table with a note pad and warm smile.

“Just a water for now, please.” You answered. She nodded and didn’t bother writing anything down.

“No problem sweetheart.”

You turned back to the window when the waitress left you be, and low and fucking behold, the one person you’d been avoiding for days now appeared from the edge of your vision and, upon somehow seeing you from across the street through the window looking at him, B lined it for the diner.

Something about him staring directly at you before making his way over had your stomach rolling in it’s spot, your nerves starting to light up. He shoved the diner’s doors open up and you kept your head down, hand resting on your forehead to avoid eye contact. Unfortunately it didn’t work as Nathan slid right into your booth, staring you down from across the table. You looked up at him from your brows and cringed at his obvious anger.

“Alright,” He hissed, resting his hands on the table and leaning in. “I don’t know who the fuck you are but stop fucking following me or you’ll regret it, got it?”

You frowned and met his heated gaze. “What?”

“‘What’?’ He mocked. “Don’t fucking ‘what’ me, bitch. I’ve got eyes all over this shithole of a town and apparently you do too. Mind your fucking business, capische?”

“I’m not following you!” Leaning forward as well you stared at him in disbelief. He leaned back and shook his head, laughing. You took in the few heads turning in your direction and softened your tone. “I’m not following you.”

“Yeah right. I’ve seen you how many fucking times this week, all the time staring at me, watching me like I’m some sort of freak show?”

“We go to the same school, asshole.” At the sharpness of your tone he narrowed his eyes again.

“Really? So what were you doing out in the middle of the night last week?”

“None of your business, that’s what.”

“Hate to say it but bitchy little stalkers are my business.” He turned his head as the waitress came with your water, setting it down and looking at you with a confused expression.

“Everything okay here, sweetheart?” She asked you. You licked at your lips and debated telling her that you were being harassed, but you didn’t even get a chance to answer.

“We’re fine, Joyce.” He said with a fake smile and sarcastic tone. She shifted her weight and stared at him for a moment, then you, then him, almost as though she was torn. Eventually she did give into him though, nodding before letting a sigh escape her lips.

“Alrighty then.” She turned to you. “Let me know when you’re ready to order.”

You nodded and looked back down at your lap, and when she left Nathan once again found his intimidating pose in leaning forward. Despite the both of you sitting you felt so much smaller than him.

“You have no fucking clue what you’re dealing with,” He growled in a hushed tone. “Stay out of my way or else.”

“Why are you so angry all the time?” You suddenly asked, and it caught him off guard. You looked up at him. “I’ve seen you twice in the two weeks I’ve been here for. In what fucking world does that count as ‘stalking’ you?”

He scoffed and balled his fists. For the first time it felt like you got him as no response came out, just a pissed off glare. Finally he spoke up again, standing up and scowling down at you.

“Just stay away from me.”

With that the wildfire of a human being stepped away from your table, not looking back as he pushed the doors open and exited with diner. The few people who watched him go turned to look back at you and for a moment your face heated at probably looking like an ass. When the waitress did return, oddly kind with you, you randomly chose the first thing you saw on the menu.

You did not enjoy your meal.

Despite having been sincerely warned to stay out of Nathan Prescott’s ‘fucking way’ the angel guiding your life seemed to not care whatsoever about your well being. After talking with him face to face that first time you tried your hardest to not see him, not talk to him, not cross paths, but it felt like you were just seeing him more and more. You locked eyes in hallways, bumped shoulders walking in and out of classrooms, and at one point he almost hit you with his car while you were walking through the parking lot. Even outside school it was as though you couldn’t be anywhere without seeing his car, seeing him walking, or even entering the same place as him. Thankfully he didn’t feel the need to threaten you again, however. In return you hauled ass the moment he arrived or changed direction upon seeing him.

As much as he scared you it was almost comical how ironic it was given he’d warned you to stay away from him and as fate would have it you only ran into each other more often. He seemed equally pissed each time but hadn’t yelled at you save for a few ‘watch where you're fucking going’s here and there.

You were waiting for your friend after class once again, leaning against the front of your car while idly messing around on your phone. Most of the students had cleared out now, the parking lot fairly empty except for the teachers who hung around after class and those who had in school assignments to be spending their time on. Your friend was one of those people unfortunately, and you were her ride, so you were stuck in waiting for her to be done with whatever it was her teacher was making her do for just some measly extra points.

However you grew bored and groaned, eyes scanning over the door in hopes she would just magically walk out and you could go home for the day. You shoved your phone in your pocket and pushed off your car, kicking at some rocks beneath your feet and wondering where you should walk off too to waste time. In the distance you could see those rocks you had been sitting at nights ago and they looked as welcoming as they had the first time, so you pulled your phone out, shot your friend a quick text, and made your way over to them. You’d still be doing almost nothing but at least this way you had a nice view.

As you walked across the parking lot and stepped into the grass you could hear a commotion nearby. Fear struck at your heart at the thought of there being yet another fight on campus grounds. When you pinpointed the area you’re curiosity got the better of you and you came closer, barely brushing by one of the few parked cars. Not far away you could see two people- one of them you recognized to be Nathan, and the other looked like some sort of security guard. They were arguing, and for once you were actually witnessing Nathan being the one who get’s his ass chewed out. He seemed to be arguing back, however, hands balled into fists and shoulders tense. You didn’t dare get closer in fear that you’d get roped into the argument but as your luck would have it the security guard looked up from the teen and right at you. He pointed a finger.

“You,” He hollered. “New kid! Get over here!”

Nathan turned at the man’s words, looking to see who he was referring to. When he found it was you for a moment his eyes widened and then they rolled, his expression utterly annoyed. “She’s got nothing to do with this.” You heard him say as you slinked closer.

“Oh yeah, I’m sure.” The man said sarcastically. Cursing at yourself for being so nosy you slowly made your way to the pair, heart thudding in fear that you’d get in trouble for something you never did. It seemed like that was a growing pattern as of late.

When you stood beside Nathan you looked at him through the corners of your eyes and he huffed.

“There’s no point in lying. I know you two are involved somehow.” The security started bluntly. Both you and Nathan gaped at him. “Now, you two have been trying to keep it down but you can’t fool me none. Where one of you is, the other is always around. I’m not sure what it is you two are planning just yet but know I will find out.”

“Me and Nathan?” You said in disbelief. “We barely know each other!”

“Don’t you give me that missy. I see everything, and it’s only a matter of time before I know everything too.”

“You’ve got it so fucking wrong,” Nathan grumbled, rubbing his hands over his face in irritation. “You all think you’re some fucking detectives but you don’t know anything.”

“Then enlighten me, Prescott.” The guard challenged, overlooking his crude language.

Nathan sneered at him. “How about instead I’ll have my dad fucking fire you.”

Mentally you were rolling your eyes at the ‘my daddy will get you’ card but on the outside you were staring at the ground, not wanting to get in between their very obviously person argument. Some part of you was wondering how this came to be, how the choices in your life led you to be mistaken for not only Nathan’s friend, but his accomplice in whatever the hell he was doing. You wished you could disappear.

“We’re not friends.” You dared to mumble, half of you wanting to be assertive and the other half wanting to stay silent and get this over with already.

“Really?” He asked skeptically, obviously not believing your statement. “Then explain why you’re always together.”

“We aren’t, you ass.” Nathan grumbled.

“Well I didn’t ask you now, did I?”

You swallowed, trying to think of a way out of this. An idea popped into your head and you prayed that it would suffice enough to get not only you but also Nathan out of this situation. He was a jerk and you hoped to never see him again but you could also tell this guard made him just as uneasy as you.

“We’re partners for a project. We can’t go to one another’s houses so instead we’ve been trading information back and forth between classes.”

The guard narrowed his eyes, biting at the inside of his cheek. “How come you don’t go to each others houses. Ain’t that whats projects are for?”

“Like I said,” you began, looking at Nathan then turning your gaze back to the guard. “We aren’t friends.”

The guard took a few moments to bounce the thought in his head. For a moment you were terrified he would catch you in your lie since you didn’t have classes together and he obviously knew where you were at most times, but it seemed being new to the school was a benefit. He hadn’t yet figured out all your classes.

“This true?” He asked, turning his attention to an oddly silent Nathan.

Nathan offered a glance before nodding. “Sure is.”

For a few moments the guard didn’t say anything or leave, looking at the two of you back and forth. Finally he huffed in what sounded like some sort of defeat, straightening his back. “Very well then. You two are free to go for now. I’ve got my eye on you.”

The thought of being watched by the school's head of security was something you did not want to be always thinking about but you took the leave, quietly thanking him and turning on your heel to get the hell out of there. You heard feet following behind you, then a hand grasping at your shoulder.

You stopped, turned, and groaned to see Nathan. “Look just leave me alone, man. I didn’t want to get involved I swear.”

“That was a good lie,” He said to your surprise. “Sucks to know he’s gonna figure out you’re full of shit, though.”

You scoffed and shook your head. “You too, asshole. Leave me alone.”

“No, no, no,” He raced to get in front of you, stopping you from trying to walk away from him. “Madison doesn’t fucking stop, and when he figures out you lied to him,” he faked an exaggerated laugh. “You’re in for some shit now.”

“What, are you warning me?” You asked, glaring at him and trying to pass. He stepped in front of you again.

“I’m just telling you the next time you think I need your help at least think of a lie that’s got some fucking substance.”

You stared at him. “Are you serious? You think I did that because you needed my help? I did it because that guy scares me and I wanted to get away. I couldn’t care less if you did or didn’t get in trouble.”

Nathan shoved his hands into his pockets, that same silently dangerous expression coming back. He took a few steps towards you, staring you down while you took a few hesitant steps back. Just like back in the diner you felt tiny both on mind and stature compared to him, even if he was built like a twig. For a moment you were scared he was going to hit you but the movement never came.

“Don’t expect the favor to be returned.” He said sharply. “And watch your back.”

He turned his back on you before you could even think of a reply.

Like before a few days passed, each day feeling longer than the last. The length of your classes were awful and in between them when you should have been conversing with friends you were instead watching over your shoulder, heart dropping when you’d occasionally see Madison watching the crowds of teens from the corner of the hallways. The upside, however, was that you were seeing less of Nathan. According to your friend he had been skipping classes of late, getting into some real ‘deep’ trouble. You didn’t tell your friends about your run in’s with Nathan since you knew their stance on him. He was a rich kid asshole, he was a villain, an irredeemable dickhead. The rumors were true, he was all those things. But at the same time he was also… More. You couldn’t place it. He’d been nothing but bad to you but all those time he’d looked into your eyes, mustering up the darkest expression you’d ever seen, you’d also seen something among the hate.

Hurt.

You didn’t let that change your opinion of him, however. You’d be happy to not have to see him ever again. Just… some stupid part of you wished you could get to know him a bit more, maybe even get on his good side if he had one. But those thoughts were quickly brushed away when you remembered how so far every single run in you’d had with him was nothing but bad.

Sitting on the rocks, that picnic table he had sat at only a few yards away, you sighed. Scribbles, song lyrics, and random phrases littered the pages of the notebook you held, partially hard to see thanks to the setting sun. From the school yard you could hear a few students talking, a few others shouting and laughing. Friday was always a day all the students enjoyed and stomached willingly staying after class to discuss weekend plans. You, however, just wanted to get some peace and quiet. Sure you loved your friends and most of your classmates but you needed some alone time to think about academics and ‘other’ things. Most of the thoughts you had were settled down to pen and paper, the other half just buried. Good times.

“Isn’t that the new girl?”

Though you hadn’t been listening in on the conversations before this particular line, spoken from a male, caught your attention. Another male, who you assumed was his friend, laughed in amusement.

“I think it is.”

Muscles tensing you prayed they wouldn’t talk to you but you could hear them getting closer, small snickers and audible shoves getting louder. Eventually two hefty shadows came to rise behind you.

“What’cha drawing?” One sang, and in response you leaned forward a bit and quickly tried to fold your notebook shut. Before you could, however, a hand snatched it away from you. Immediately you shifted to turn around atop your rock, standing up and staring up at the person in front of you. Him and his friend were football players, wearing their varsity jackets and ugly grins. “Come on,” he sang, grabbing one end of the cover so the rest fell open. You reached for it and he lifted his hands, his height not allowing you take it back. “Ah, ah, ah, share with the class!”

“Give it back.” You demanded, frowning. You never considered yourself entirely weak but fighting two large football players was definitely out of the question. Strength alone was not going to get you your stuff back.

“Why?” His friend laughed, taking a turn in flipping through the pages. “You hiding some pervy drawings in there?” His friend laughed and made a ‘scandalized’ expression.

Face heating, you crossed your arms.

“You totally are!” He said at your reaction. You leapt forward and tried to catch him off guard but failed.

“No, I’m not!” You yelled as you regained your footing. “I just don’t appreciate giant dicks looking through my stuff!”

The first male, a blond, made a cat’s meow. “Giant dicks, huh?”

You crossed your arms again, not answering.

“I’m sure you’d love some giant dick,” his friend taunted. He shook your notebook and stared at it, then you. “How about we make a deal?”

The blond, at his friend's words, whistled and laughed. You, however, were not nearly as happy as he was. Both in shame and also anger you were blushing furiously, hands shaking. You suddenly wished you hadn’t told your friends you needed some alone time. The males suggestion made your stomach churn.

“What if I say no?” You managed out through your tensed jaw. He tossed some ideas around in his mind, head moving from shoulder to shoulder. He suddenly grinned widely then pulled a lighter out from his pocket. You gasped and almost jumped at the thought of him burning it. He saw the fear in your eyes and snickered.

“So,” he hummed. “What’s it gonna be?”

“How about you leave her the fuck alone?” A voice suddenly piped. All three of you were shocked by the interruption and the pair of boys turned, you looking past them. Your throat went dry at the sight.

“Nathan?” The blond gasped, thrilled at the sight of him standing with his hands shoved into his pockets.

“My man!” The blonds friend shouted, turning his back to the Prescott and then taking a few steps back in order to loosely hang an arm around his shoulder. “You got here just in time! The fun was just about to start!”

However Nathan did not seem to be nearly as amused and gleeful as the two players were. He shoved the boy off of him with what almost seemed like disgust, leaving the other staring at him in confusion. He slowly made his way around the player, seeming to separate you from them.

“Back off,” He growled, turning so his back faced you. “And I said leave her alone.”

The two boys traded glances and the blond forced a laugh.

“Seriously?” He asked with a rose brow. “You’re defending some no name?”

“Did I fucking stutter?” Nathan retaliated, and you could tell he had his eyes narrowed in that same threatening way.

Once again the pair glanced at each other before the one holding your notebook seemed to give in, obviously knowing something you didn’t about Nathan. He tossed your notebook on the ground roughly and then put his hands up as they both backed away, turned, and left while mumbling things under their breath.

With your notebook at his feet, Nathan kicked it in front of you. “Grow a backbone.” He grumbled while you bent down to pick it up and brush the dirt from the covers. You huddled it to you chest.

“They’re both almost a foot taller than me! ‘Grow a backbone’, they’d kill me!”

“They’re all talk. Everyone here is, you should keep your fucking eyes open.”

You frowned and stared down at the ground, the tip of your foot kicking at some of the blades of grass. “Why did you step in?”

Somehow through your hushed tone he still heard you and leaned his head onto one shoulder. “Consider it your only thanks for ‘sargent madison’. He hasn’t bothered either one of us yet so it seems like you're awfully thought out lie worked.”

You licked at your lips and looked up at him, and sure enough he looked just as angry as always. However you did take note that for once this time the anger wasn't directed at you. Still, you decided to poke the bear.

“I thought you said to not expect the favor to be returned.”

He squinted at you and then scoffed. “How do you know I just don’t like bullying jocks?”

“Because if you were bullying them you wouldn’t have done it in my defense.”

“Don’t say shit like you know what I’m doing.”

“Alright then, what were you doing?”

His hands tightened in his pockets and you felt that same wave of danger again. “You are such a bitch, you know that?” He hissed. “I fucking save your pathetic ass from a couple of nobodies and instead of thanking me you analyse me.  Newsflash, ___, I don’t need you to be trying to fucking figure me out.”

You stared at him for a few moments, his words seeming to fly right over your head. The things he was saying were making no sense, and it suddenly struck you that perhaps he was venting in some way.

“I wasn’t analyzing you.” You stated, taking a moment to sit back down on the rocks.

“Why not?” He huffed. “Everyone else is!”

“Because I’m not your therapist.”

His pointed expression seemed to soften for just a moment and he looked away from you, sighing. “Good. I don’t need your help.”

Again, you had no idea what he was talking about, but it was very apparent something more was going on with him. You decided to not take him so personally.

“Then you won’t get it.” You flipped through your notebook to make sure everything was still intact. “You’re clearly capable of taking care of yourself.” You weren’t looking at him but you could tell he had his eyes on you again. In your thinking, however, something seemed to strike you. You looked up at him. “How did you know my name?”

At first he didn’t answer, instead just glaring down at you. Then he shrugged. “Madison.”

“No,” You shook your head. “Madison only called me ‘missy’. He never said my name.”

He grunted. “I’m not sure what the fuck you’re on but we sort of go to school together.”

“Yeah and we don’t share a single class. We’ve never even talked before aside from you threatening me in the diner.” For a moment it seemed like he forgot about that instance, and then when he remembered he ran a hand through his hair. “So tell me, how did you figure out my name. You don’t seem like the type to go around asking people.”

“None of your business, that’s how.” He grumbled.

“Hate to say it but angry stalkers sort of are my business.” You stood from the rock and slowly stalked towards him. At mocking his statement from the diner he eyed you with an odd expression, one you hadn’t ever seen before. For once he seemed like he was on the other end of the stick, shoulders tense in defense but no words leaving his lips. Even though he was taller than you he still seemed smaller than you’d ever seen him, like you’d caught him red handed. The question was what you caught him for in the first place.

“I told you before, I have eyes everywhere.” He finally answered, but it was weak.

“Nice cop out.” You said, then sighed, a twinkle of amusement in your eye. “You were asking around about me, weren’t you?”

He rolled his eyes and grunted again, taking a step back and shaking his head. “You are so full of it.”

“You are too.”

Nathan remained silent and you did too, the both of locked in a strange feeling moment.

He was the first to break it, however, turning his head away and wiping at his mouth impulsively. “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“You told me that already.”

“And I fucking meant it. Shit’s serious, got it?”

“What,” you started incredulously. “And you’re worried I’ll get hurt?”

“Jesus christ, ___,” He huffed. “Is this some sick game to you?” He turned his back to you and then rolled his shoulders. You shifted your weight and looked back down at your now safe notebook. He’d been the one to stand up for you thankfully, and even though it sort of creeped you out to think he’d been watching you as of late, you still couldn’t help but feel just a tad special. Nathan Prescott had gone out of his way to save you from the big bad bullies.

“Whatever’s going on,” You dared to start, now feeling a bit bashful. “thank for you helping me.”

He turned back towards you and sighed, his edges once again starting to soften. He truly was a firecracker of a person, someone who could cycle between emotions like they were on and off switches.

“Yeah,” He huffed. “Whatever. Just don’t go telling stories to all your little hipster friends.”

“Sure thing. Last thing you’d want is for news to spread that Nathan Prescott’s going soft.”

“I am not going soft.” He growled suddenly, and just like before he was mad again. You felt like you were going to get whiplash.

“Alright then, I believe you.” You bit at your lip. “But I’m serious, y’know? Thanks for getting them off my back.”

“They aren’t off your back.” He retorted. You tilted your head and he sighed. “If anything you’re more of a target now than ever.”

Your heart felt like it was going to drop. “Damn it.”

“Could you at least fucking try to not piss your pants?” He teased, and it felt odd for him to say something like that in a non malicious way.

“Well what am I supposed to do? I can’t fight people, and it’s not like you’re going to be there to ‘save me’ again.”

Nathan narrowed his eyes and shifted his weight. “You’ll be fine.” He said. You looked up at him at his tone, which was for once, almost genuine. He still sounded annoyed, like your fear of being constantly harassed made no sense, but overall he seemed like he was actually talking to you like a person. “Just don’t be a smartass all the time.”

“I’m guessing you a get a free pass then?”

“Only to everything.” Despite the obvious brag he didn’t seem to proud of his status, and you wondered if you ever would get the story behind that. You wondered if you would ever even be his friend.

You took a moment to gaze around, seeing all the students still talking in the distance. The jocks were nowhere to be seen but your eyes did catch on something even worse.

“Madison,” You warned suddenly. Nathan knit his brows and you swallowed, eyes frantic. “Madison’s coming.”

He looked over his shoulder and groaned, rubbing his face. “Damn it.” He looked at you then turned, taking a few steps to the right. Madison was gaining momentum now, obviously having saw the interaction and not happy as all. Now it definitely looked like you two were involved in something.

“I’ll tell him I was being harassed when you came to talk and you helped, and then you left. Nothing suspicious.” You said, nudged your head to the side to wordlessly suggest he take off.

He licked his lips and then nodded. “Thanks, just don’t-”

“Expect the favor to be returned. Got it.”

He offered you a nod of thanks before jumping off his feet and hurrying to the side of the school. Madison’s head watched him go but he didn’t follow, going right for you.

You were nervous and trying to think of the right words to say, and it occurred to you that now you weren’t just protecting yourself. You were protecting Nathan too, and for some reason you had no problem with it. Despite not ‘expecting the favor’ to be returned, you know it would in some way. You just hoped it would be in the form of nicer treatment.

Nathan disappeared behind the building and you felt at ease that he was out of the line of fire. Madison was feet away, and even though you knew you’d probably get yelled at, you felt better knowing Nathan had made his getaway.