#went to the library

[silverskye13]

It was a ✨ perfect day ✨

[sae-something]

my extra strong PRN is working and I had 2 glasses of wine so I started rambling and spiralling.

(i'm not fine but i'm safe and just gonna go sleep now. sorry about this.)

I feel so broken. It's just fighting SH urges all day. Last week on monday, we hit something really deep in therapy. I don't really grasp the full weight of it yet, but it felt really, really big. I was overwhelmed, I told A what a young (traumatized) part was saying inside, and A helped me by holding her (imagination). She made a little bowl out of her hands and told me she held this little girl in her safe and still and calm and warm hands, and that we could wrap her in my scarf, and that all 'little girls like that' need is to be held.

And then on thursday we had the evaluation (with HT) and it felt impossibly and unbearably painful to not have any space for all that pain, for all the little girls. I emailed A on wednesday to let her know that I felt the intense turmoil inside about 'seeing her (and HT) without having space for all the pain'.

A didn't read the email until friday. So on thursday I was sitting there with HT and A and it felt like pure and absolute abandonment. To have to sit there with the two people knowing me (and all my parts) closest, and to not have any space for how I felt like a walking wound, like a vulnerable bleeding open wound. Some angry/defensive parts got really, really triggered afterwards.

Eventually A replied to the email on friday and it was a good reply. It made me cry. And I have been counting down the actual hours until therapy again. And then this morning she emailed to cancel.

And also last night I had a dream. My sister finally came to me and in my dream I felt a wave of sadness and relief - until I noticed that my sister could not even look at me. She was just emptily staring at a spot next to me as she told me: dad is dying, you have to come to say goodbye. I went there, and my mother and sister just ignored me. It was like being invisible. They were making me wait until I could see my dad. By the time they finally came to get me, he had already died.

I woke up and went to pee. Didn't have many feelings (some confusion about whether it was real; a few tears - then back to sleep), but it's been haunting me all day. Both my parents had so many health scares over the last year. What if something happens? Will someone notify me? How will I feel? What will I do?

And then I couldn't see A today. When all I needed was her. I've been calming myself down by imagining seeing her again. And now she's gone. And this week, precisely this week, I am going to visit friends in Belgium thursday til saturday. And only two weeks ago A told me she could see me on thursday (online) this week. But that's not possible because I have to catch the train sometime in the morning.

And now all of it just feels like it's my fault. I wanted A too much, so she got sick. I had too many emotions, so she got sick. I decided to not see her twice this week, and she got sick. I wanted her too much, I wanted her too little, I felt too much, I shared too little. I should have flipped out on thursday, would that have mattered? All I want is to hurt myself. Pain pain pain pain pain. Please. I wish someone would just hurt me already.

Sorry I'm getting more and more triggered so I'll stop writing now and just go lay in bed. Only 2 days of work this week - tuesday and wednesday. And then days with friends. On sunday I'll watch both frozen movies with a close friend. And then hopefully A will be back??? Obviously britney, mara and whoever else is angry and distrustful is growling "we're NOT going back" but like. I will. I always go back. I've always been the one to crawl back, begging for another crumb of kindness, another drop of warmth.

I am drowning in longing. I just want A. I want to be a child and to have A as a mother. Even if I'd get born again with a whole new life and I'd get another mother who would hurt me, I'd want it to be A. (I know how fucked up that is to write.) (It's just how everything is messed up. Love comfort longing safety --- pain sexthings terror - what's the difference? What's the difference? Nothing, nothing, nothing. It's all the same. The only thing that's changed is that I am now close enough to other parts to prevent them from emailing A, begging her "will you please hurt me".

Which is good but also means it's not even getting out anymore. Everything is just stuck inside. I'm so alone. No one has ever loved me and no one ever will. Please hurt me. Please hold me.

[past-j]

hard day. but the closed door has created a clear path forward for me. and I trust my path

[criminalizegolf]

> read library book

> it's good

Thank you library

[trashmakerarticle]

Everyone thinks that dick was the golden child when in reality it was Jason.

Clark: Bruce who was your favourite robin?

Dick: obviously it’s me?

Tim: it’s dick

Damian: I am superior robin, it will be me.

Bruce: it’s Jason

Everyone: WHAT?!?!???

Bruce: why are you so surprised? He didn’t jump on too my chandeliers which I had to replace each week

*everyone looks at dick*

Bruce: he didn’t drop out of school

*everyone looks at tim*

Bruce: I didn’t have to stop him from killing everyone who annoyed him

*everyone looks at Damian*

Bruce: in fact, he enjoyed school and handed all his homework in on time, we would spend hours in the library reading his favourite classics. He even helped Alfred with most of the cooking, He was my little boy

Jason: stop spreading lies, I hate you go away

Bruce: my precious little boy

[pngblog]

[a-compass-without-a-needle]

This is what happened after 3.1 isn't it?

[axiliern]

tim drake + bonus rotating tim ..........

[morganbritton132]

Steve is unknowingly popular in teacher spaces online despite not having social media because his students keep posting videos of him on Tiktok.

Every now and again, a video will break containment and reach a wider audience - like the time one of his students used ‘girl math’ to justify their wrong answer and Steve responded with an exhausted ‘math is non-binary’ - but it’s always a flash-in-the-pan kinda thing. The lasting power isn’t there.

Or well, it wasn’t before famed rockstar Eddie Munson started randomly quoting some of the dorky shit ‘Teacher Steve’ says in those videos.

Someone puts together a compilation of Eddie quoting videos that have less than one hundred views. Now Eddie has to admit that he’s kinda obsessed with the guy and suddenly Steve is famous everywhere online (still doesn’t know about it though).

Things may have died down but then one of his students post a video of them asking Steve if he knows Eddie, and Steve is just like, “Munson? Eddie Munson from high school?”

They’re married btw.

[eli-zab3th]

Abbey Library of Saint Gall, St. Gall, Switzerland

Pictures by @eli-zab3th

[lapdogchase]

if it's "24/7 quiet hours" then why is the fucking fire alarm going off

[ispyspookymansion]

know as in actually know, not just have met or know of, i’m more curious about on a regular basis who the oldest lgbt person is that you interact with. can also be someone you regularly interacted with/knew at some point and no longer do for whatever reason

[voidedtea]

[ID: Two digital illustrations, both loosely shaded, showing Thespius in various poses and outfits, all with his left eye closed.

The first illustration has three Thespiuses.

The first/upper-left Thespius is standing and leaning forward as though mid-step, looking to the viewer's left in a glittery silver blazer, brown-ish tie with floral patterns all over, white shirt, and dark blue pleated skirt. Said skirt features a subtle gradient from a paler blue at the top to an even darker blue along the bottom. Silver flowers (with dots between each one) decorate its waistband, while double horizontal lines (with three flowers on each pleat) cut across the bottom of the skirt itself. He has black shoes with white socks matching his outfit. His two trumpets peek out over his shoulders as he holds his ukulele Tony and loosely strums. He has a loose ponytail, yellow/pale blue flowers in his hair, and a billowing wave of desaturated warm colors in stripes behind him. Around the entirety of him is a cream-coloured outline as well, and he overlaps the second and third Thespius-es some.

The second/upper right Thespius is laughing with his face haloed by the sun. His torso faces away from the viewer, but his face is turned enough to see his beaming expression. He's in a running/skipping pose on top of a section of pink/coral cloud, wearing a brown blazer/suit with crisscrossing cream/red stripes, cream-coloured shirt, flowing brown skirt, white socks with garters, and black shoes. His right (hidden) hand clutches his skirt to swish in front of him, while the other arm is thrown out in joy and balance. He's mostly in shadow save for the sun's light spilling across him from behind. He also has the same cream-coloured outline around him, one that disappears as it flows into the sun and clouds. Additionally, another -- if smaller -- billowing wave of the same warm colours can be seen to the right of him.

Lower right Thespius is leaning back against a bed of pale orange-pink clouds, his left arm up like the cloud has/is an arm rest. His right hand is pulling down pink heart sunglasses (with a golden frame) for him to look over them with a laid-back smile. His hair's worn loose here, draping down over his shoulders and loosely tied back with a pink/coral bandanna that features wavy patterns and dots all over. The rest of his outfit consists of a very low-cut pale yellow shirt (one showing off a bit of cleavage and chest hair) with dark teal hems and vine-like/floral embroidery (teal across the shirt itself where it meets the hems, yellow along said hems themselves), dark teal pants that flare out at the ends (which feature the same yellow embroidery), and even darker teal shoes with pale yellow edges and decoration to match. He also wears a dangly, shiny green-ish earring consisting of a tall triangle shape with a rounded segment below it. His nails are painted, too -- pink on his right hand, teal on his left, both featuring very small yellow flower patterns. Over his shoulders float his two trumpets, and behind the whole scene is the top part of a halftone-patterned rainbow (which also overlaps the second Thespius slightly). This third drawing of him notably lacks the same outline the others sport.

The background consists of a gradient from pale greenish-blue near the top, to a rich mid-tone/dark blue towards the bottom, with dark halftone patterning overtop. Yellow/white/peach/pink flowers of varying shapes and sizes are scattered throughout. Around the whole piece is a border consisting of two dark, parallel wavy lines. Both the flowers and border share the cream-coloured outline.

The second illustration has four Thespiuses.

The first/upper left Thespius is leaning on his elbows on slightly darker pink clouds, framed by the seemingly setting sun like a halo. He has a gentle bright smile and is resting his cheek in his curled left palm. His right hand is tucked into his left elbow, and two other disconnected hands -- one on each side -- are somewhat spread palm-up around him in a welcoming sort of gesture. He wears a loose, shawl-like, low-cut desaturated green shirt with elaborate patterns of dark red/orange overlaying yellow around the ends of the sleeves and down the middle/opening of the shirt itself. Said shirt also has similar, dark green stripes across it. His headband is striped the same colours of the shirt. He's lit mostly from behind by that setting sun, its light also spilling across his clouds. Said shading/lighting has a painterly look.

The second/upper right Thespius is smaller. He floats proudly, both eyes closed and his hands on his hips. He wears a white turtleneck, dark teal skirt + headband, white socks, and dark blue-ish shoes. His two trumpets hover over his shoulders. Around him is the same cream outline from the first page.

The third/middle Thespius flows with the rippling stripes of colour behind him, pivoting on his left heel with his right up and behind him and arms outstretched as though dancing. His right hand in particular reaches palm-up (as if to an offscreen partner) with flower petals scattering from it. He's smiling bright. his hair flows out behind him and two the viewer's left, with a red headband (with arrow-like patterns on it) around. He wears a baggy, pale tan shirt with thin horizontal stripes and a semi-dipped neckline, all of which bunches and flows outwards with the rest of his dance. A loose white vest with blocky red-brown stripes along the opening + a similarly-coloured zig-zag stripe down the front, as well as tassels (with similar decorations along the ends) that scatter and flow outwards with the force of his movement drapes on him. He also wears loose red pants with large, almost scale-like patterning, tied with a long lighter-red belt (sporting patterns similar to his headband) that flies out in front of him, also spinning with him. His one visible shoe is an orange-ish red. The entirety of him also has that cream outline.

In the lower left corner of the image is Tony the ukulele, decorated with a flowing stripe of red, yellow, and blue, like a rainbow of sorts, as well as smaller stickers all over of yellow/peach/pink/dark purple flowers + hearts. A similar cream outline borders the entirety of Tony.

The last/lower right Thespius is a halfbody in profile to the viewer's right. He has his hands on his hips, and a happy triangle burst effect coming from his smiling face. He has a gold/yellow striped headband, a white blouse with thin green and red stripes and deep v-cut, a maroon cardigan with a white-dotted stripe pattern, and black lower clothing. He sports the same cream outline.

The background here is a desaturated turquoise with some darker hints around the edges. Wavy stripes of blue, purple, and pink flow across it like a long scarf or river. A halftone pattern sits atop both. Even more pink/yellow/peach flowers are scattered around, and the same wavy border from before frames the whole piece. Said flowers and border once again share the cream-coloured outline. end ID.]

my pieces for @strawberrij thespius fashion zine!! quite the endeavour and adventure that turned out pretty neat i think :]

special thanks go to @ratchetclankarecute for posing/cloth references + the bulk of the image descriptions! that first image would Not have happened without them <3

[claudemirror]

SpongeBob reading his little book

[astroportals]

I ❤️ MY PUBLIC LIBRARY

[fairydrowning]

"It was September. In the last days when things are getting sad for no reason."

– Ray Bradbury