#what am i supposed to do without a hyperfixation

[tapetum-lucidumb]

help i have whiplash from being abruptly snapped out of a hyperfixation

[claraknight]

Hey jokes aside I really hope this site still lives because, hell.

I have nowhere else to go?

[noirve]

lol just realized next episode is the last one already???? what am i supposed to do with my life

[bronzealchemy]

The Masquerade

Simon „Ghost“ Riley and hacker!fem reader are on an undercover mission at a masquerade ball and things get a little heated.

content: grumpy x sunshine, fluff, banter, undercover mission, explicit content, light smut, dirty talk, fingering, knee riding

wc: 2k

a/n: I feel my Ghost hyperfixation coming back guys, so something different for today!

This mission was supposed to be simple. One evening, one hell of a lot of money and while I’m at it – do something good that’ll save a lot of people’s lives. Simple, right? Wrong. Because the man on whose arm I am just now is nothing but simple. And he hates babysitting me.

„Would it hurt you to maybe – I don’t know – smile a little?“, I ask, while Ghost gets even more tense.

„It would“, he grunts, clearly not amused. I wonder if there was ever a time he smiled. Not that I can see his frown under the skull mask he’s wearing … but still. He has a look in his dark eyes that tells me he has seen shit a normal person would never get over. But this – getting intel, finding out if this party’s host really is selling experimental weapons – is his job, while mine lies in a completely different field. Namely in the decryption key that is hidden inside my dress. A place where not even security found it when Ghost and I stepped foot into the ballroom.

„Did you see him yet?“, I whisper while stepping on my tiptoes. God, this man is huge. A mountain, really. The suit seems almost too snug for his wide shoulders and his enormous biceps. I wonder what those look like under the black fabric.

„Stop whispering so bloody loud.“ He sneers. At least I think he does, its hard to say under that skull mask of his.

„I‘m not sure if you remember, but I am a hacker, not a … what was your job description again? Secret black Ops making stuff explode expert?“

„Fuckin‘ hell“, he mutters under his breath, his eyes darkening, which ironically makes me smile. I caress his arm.

„Don’t you worry, big boy. I’ll keep you safe.“

We keep on walking through the crowd, the ballroom full of whispers and orchestra music. The melody fills the air, while I overlook all the guests. Some of their masks have ornate symbols on them, others show animals or mythical creatures. Mine is black with soft glitter particles that shimmer lilac when light falls on it. It’s adorned with thorns and delicate flower petals and I smiled when I put it on. One pretty thing for an evening that could turn really ugly with one wrong move. Yes, I make jokes with the Lieutenant next to me, but that is mostly because of nerves.

„You’re shaking“, Ghost mutters next to me, lowering his head to my ear. His breath tickles my skin, and a shiver runs down my spine.

„I’m nervous“, I admit.

„There’s no reason to be, love.“

I scrunch my nose at the petname, but this is our cover. We’re supposed to be a couple tonight. I should smile, so I do, but it feels forced.

He lets out a breath. „You’re a horrendous actress.“

„Thank you, baby“, I say as if he’s not just insulted me, while he directs me to the dance floor. We’re just two people enjoying each others company. It’s completely normal for a couple to dance, right? But the way my heart almost leaps out of my chest when his hand rests on my back doesn’t feel that way. I tip my chin up and look into those dark eyes of his. His eyes scan the room. Fully focused, while swirling me around between all those other couples. How does he do that? I can’t paint my nails while watching a tv show, and here he is, scanning hundreds of people at the same time while dancing without stepping on my feet.

I start to look around. And that‘s when I see him. Vasiliev. Our target for tonight. A man in his mid fifties, face hidden behind a black mask with devils horns and leaning on a cane. That cane … that’s where he hides the intel. Out briefing said he never leaves that thing outside his reach, no one is allowed to touch it, not even his right hand man. While Ghost keeps twirling me around in his arms, Vasiliev starts to move.

„He’s leaving“, I whisper.

Ghosts grip hardens around my body, his gaze follows Vasiliev. „Come on.“

He grabs my hand, his fingers intertwining with mine, and my cheeks warm. His hand is so big that it seems to swallow mine whole. My mouth feels dry, while Ghost guides me through the crowd. I need to focus. Find Vasiliev, use the decryption key on his cane, leave. That is the mission. Not thinking about how big his hands are or how sad his pretty eyes look.

Vasiliev steps inside the floor that leads to the washrooms. I have to be quick. I let go of Ghosts hand, but he instantly grabs it again.

„You wanna tell me what the hell you're doing?“ His voice is deep and gravelly and it sounds as if he’s used to people following his orders.

„Just trust me with this, okay? We’ll be out of here in no time.“ Without saying another word, I free my hand from his and follow Vasiliev into the corridor.

There he is, the man in the devil mask, leaning on his cane, his right hand man at his side. I walk fast on my heels, get closer to him, take the decryption key out of my dress and trip, forcefully pushing against Vasiliev. His cane rattles to the ground, as do I.

„Oh my god!“, I stammer, while grabbing the cane and pushing the handle ever so slightly to the side, inserting the key with the other hand. „I’m so incredibly sorry.“

I get on my feet again, handing Vasiliev the cane back. „Please forgive me. I’m not used to wearing heels this high.“

Vasiliev looks me up and down and I hold my breath while his gaze stops at my black high heels. „Those could pass as a weapon, indeed.“ He takes the cane in his hand and looks me up again, so slowly, that heat rushes to my cheeks. „Would you mind telling me your name?“

I freeze.

„She would mind“, a gravelly voice sounds from behind me. Then, a strong arm wraps around my waist and pulls me closer to a hard toned body.

Vasiliev passes a look between Ghost and I. Then he nods slowly. „I see. It has been nice to make your acquaintance.“

„Sorry again“, I say.

Without another word, Ghost pulls me with him, while Vasiliev disappears into the washroom. Next thing I know, he pushes me against the wall.

„What the hell were you thinking?“, he growls.

My breath is stuck in my throat. Theres something I didn‘t see before in his eyes. Not sadness anymore, neither his focus while looking for Vasiliev. Instead, he looks almost … worried?

„Don’t tell me you were scared for me.“

His brows furrow as if I just said the most stupid thing he’s ever heard. „Bullshit.“

„Oh my god. You totally were!“, I exclaim and hit his chest playfully with my hand. „You were scared for me.“

„Stop this shit“, he snarls.

„Never. You were worried for me. That is so sweet.“ I get on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek. The mask feels cold under my lips. Next thing I know, he pushes me back against the wall. His chest rises and falls in a faster pace.

„Stop talking so fucking much.“

I don’t know what happens next. One second he stands in front of me, chest heaving abruptly, in the next he lifts the bottom of his mask and his mouth is on mine. For the traction of a second I’m too stunned to do anything. But then … he moves his mouth on mine. And then I’m gone.

I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back with full force. He groans and the sound vibrates through me, wakes fire inside me. I can’t believe this is happening, but at the same time I devour every second of him claiming my mouth. He slides a knee between the slit in my dress, and when he hits me there, I sigh with delight. Ghost knows what he's doing. I realize that in every move of his, every swipe of his tongue against mine, every hit of his knee against my weak spot, every firm touch of his hands on my body. I melt. I melt and will be left as a puddle on this floor if he keeps going like that.

„I've never met anyone as annoying as you”, he grunts out.

„Doesn’t feel that way, Lieutenant“, I retort while reaching for his hard on. He feels rockhard and hot under my touch, and the way he sharply inhales lets me feel more powerful than while writing code that could shut a whole city down.

Again he kisses me. Again i can't get enough of his taste. He makes me completely dizzy with his mouth. His knee continues to move against me, and I groan.

„Feel good, love?“, he murmurs and I nod.

I want to scream: Yes. He almost lets me forget that there are hundreds of people here and that we’re on a mission.

The mission.

We’re both wired. Which means …

„Ghost.“ His name leaves my mouth breathless.

„I’m kind of busy right now, love.“ Again he pushes against me and I gasp. I press my mouth against his shoulder to stifle the sound.

„Ghost, they’re listening“, I whisper right against his ear.

„Then maybe you should be a little more quiet.“

That’s the only thing he says before his mouth is on mine again. Then I feel his hand there and I see stars. I bite into his lip, which makes him groan again. I love this sound. It sends a wave of pleasure through me. His large fingers are on me, circling skillfully, caressing me until I see stars and my knees feel weak. I want him inside me, but this is neither the right place nor the right time, and we both know it. Even though my brain is melting down right now, including any logical thought. I lean against him and at some point am not able to kiss him back properly, so I stifle my moans against his neck, biting down hard, while rubbing him through his trousers.

„Oh my god“, I exclaim, when the wave crushes over me and stars explode before my eyes. He keeps circling me, then pushing his knee between my legs again.

„That’s right, love“, he whispers into my ear. „Take it. Just like this.“ I push myself against him, until the waves of pleasure slowly start to fade. Then I lean against him, my legs shaking slightly. When I catch my breath, I lift my head to look into his face, just as he pulls down his mask again. But he can‘t fool me. I didn’t really see his face, but I felt it. I felt the soft curve of his lips, the scar on the left side, and the stubble that he’s hiding. I felt it so good that if I’d close my eyes, I probably would see his face in front of me.

„Great, if you two are finished, could you get the fuck out of there?“, a familiar, deep voice sounds in the earbud in my left ear.

„Sure thing, Captain“, Ghost answers while I hide my red cheeks in the crook of his neck. Ghost grabs me by the hand and leads me out of the ballroom. While we walk through the crowd, he lowers his mouth to my ear.

„That was a lie“, he murmurs. „I’m nowhere near done with you yet.“

It almost sounds like a promise.

[annons-art]

i shouldnt be trusted with hyperfixations dude this shit started cause of a "hey babe do you wanna play regretevator" and a "yes!" anyway 16 out of the 35 regretevator characters im drawing..i wont be near my drawing tablet for a while so ill do the other 19 once im back :)

i also dont know most of the lore and i tried to do research..my bad im trying

"annon why are they all posed the same" i drew most of these between 11 pm and 6 am i cannot be bothered to pose properly

design explanations under cut

PROGRAM USED:

clip studio paint

LAMPERT:

so he like lives in rokea right..so..ikea colored sweater + a rip off nametag. plus im a believer in wallmark family so uh he gets a tape measure from his peepaw. also gloves cause its lampert height - 6'0 INFECTED/KASPER:

im gonna be so honest i just looked through my boyfriends "i want these clothes" pinterest board and hoped for the best. i am not at all good with scenemo aesthetics :( uhh yeah texture not found glitches just cause and also a lampert colored necklace height - 5'7

PEST:

i had no clue what to do for this guy. it was my first time drawing him and i just tried to keep him as close as the og as normal. i got too scared to expand..and yes i did forget the sweater text. i gave him a lil bag for his stolen stuff, just cause! and that lil dangly bit on his bag is supposed to match with retros necklace..yknow since they were cell mates n stuff height - 6'2

DR RETRO:

dr retro fans im so sorry its been a WHILE since ive drawn a cat.. not too much to say about her! just added big ball necklace and bracelet..wanted to give her the motherly vibe height - 5'6

UNPLEASANT GRADIENT:

hes my favorite character im gonna be so honest guys. i love this greasy fuck nut. i was originally gonna put him in heart boxers but then i thought "hm. jorts." i like to think he steals clothes from kasper - especially belts. that rainbow belt is not his. peep the fortnite and alpha galaxy wolf socks height - 6'1

JEREMY:

shoutout to my punk friend for being punk i wouldnt have known what to put on his patches without you. i pretty much just copy and pasted his outfit onto jeremy and i think it works. his grabby hand has no glove just for funsies. uuh also the pink bracelet if for mozelle theyre bffs trust height - 6'4

POOB:

i WAS gonna make them decora cause it just FITS but i didnt know what accessories to add :( most likely ill redesign them over n over..sighs..also birthday sash eheheh. note everyone has a friendship bracelet from poob except for pest..pest threw it away. or burned it. both probably. height - 5'6 1/2

NULL:

really nothing to say for him? the main thing i changed was giving him wings. ive seen a handful of people do that and thought "huh thats cool" so i did it too height - 6'0

WALLTER:

"why did you give him hair!!!" please dont attack me i know hes made of concrete but he wasnt ALWAYYSSS like that. i like to think he was more human before the grey stuff incident (tm) so uh hair! i also gave him that like 'english teacher' vibe. hope i did that well. also his scarf was hand crafted by mark i think he would have crocheting as a guilty pleasure sorry height - like 9 1/2

MARK:

yeah i just made him really southern. cowboy boots, jeans, tooth gap, hay in his mouth. i feel like his dream was to live on a ranch with wallter..sighs. also peep the ac/dc shirt cause i think he listens to dad rock. i think he keeps his wedding ring on - hes not over wallter publically and wallter isnt over him privately. ehehaa he has his ring on a necklace under his scarf hehehahaaaaa (im delusional) "annon wheres his stand" prosthetic legs. height - 5'4 lmao

EMERSON:

i KNOW hes not an elevator npc i just have a boyfriend who likes him an di am here to please. i wanted to give emerson the vibes of "jesus fuck i want out of here fuck you all im turning in my two weeks." hes tired :( and no hes not wearing a skirt its an apron height - 5'6

CASHIER:

yes i know hes from get a snack at 4 am i was lectured (/pos) about this by my boyfriend. anyway he has a floor so hes here too. i was originally gonna put him in pj pants then decided thats against company policy height - 5'6

SWIBBLEDIB:

did i give him the wrong eyes? yes. thats my fault. i think he copies sorta what he sees other people doing/wearing. uuh yeah! not too much to say about this guy, i kept him fairly accurate i thinks height - 5'7

MOZELLE:

according to the two google searches i did, mozelle is not a mouse, she is a 'beaked creature'. it was two am so i decided to just make her a lil gal with a masquerade mask. spiked bracelet to match jerey hueuehue and also that lil thing under her mask covering her neck is just a veil..i thought it'd look neat. height - 4'9

BIVE:

also nothing much to say about her! i kept to the canon design..just added a ring for split and a bracelet for poob. shes actually really fun to draw shout out to the sea urchin lookin lady height - 5'6

PILBY:

i havent drawn anything close to a caterpillar since i was into dhmis and scarily obsessed with warren the eagle im so sorry pilby enjoyers. uuhh i put them in a sweater. just felt right. they looked cold. yes they still have the caterpillar tail its just not showing oopsie. uuh also legwarmers!! height - 5'5

[writingdevil]

Oh lord you're activating my STP hyperfix again oughhh how dare you,,,

I come to you, you blacksmith of words, and offer you Stubborn and Paranoid,,, and then I scuttle away :3€

(A BLACKSMITH OF WORDS?? THAT'S SO NICE AND SUCH A COOL THING TO BE CALLED!! CAN I USE THAT??/j. I'm glad that I can infect other people with my hyperfixation, so that we can all be in these woods together. I wasn't sure whether you wanted this to be a ship or not so I left it up to interpretation. Anyway, enjoy!)

"Hello?"

Go away.

"Is anyone out here?"

Please leave. Please leave.

"Para? Are you here?"

They were following him. They were hurting him.

"Para?"

They were getting closer and closer and closer-

"Oi! There you are!"

Paranoid let a frightened yell out, scrambling out of the bush that he had been hiding behind.

The world spun, a dark and imposing blur in front of him, and Paranoid knew they were here to kill him, that's why they had been following him all day.

"Paranoid! It's me, Stubborn!"

Paranoid choked on a gasp, pressing himself against a tree as he struggled to control his fear and anxiety, having to blink many times before his vision focused again.

His eyes and throat stung, but he managed to focus enough on the voice before him to realise that yes, it was Stubborn in front of him. But that didn't make him feel better one bit.

"Para? What's going on?" Stubborn asked, annoyance on his face and in his voice. "You just freaked out and ran out into the woods. What's wrong?"

"Go- away," Paranoid gritted out, but Stubborn just crossed his arms and said, "Can't do that, especially when you've got everyone else worried about you."

A pang of guilt did come through Paranoid in that moment, before it was immediately overtaken by his fear.

What else was he supposed to do? Let those eyes follow him and lead him to danger? No. No, no, no, no- he was not going to die this way, not after everything he's been through.

Stubborn tried beckoning him forward. "Look, let's just go back inside where you can't hurt yourself even more."

Paranoid shook his head, curling up into a ball. "No. I can't."

Stubborn sighed in exasperation. "Why not?"

"Because they're in the house!"

Stubborn gave him a look that made a spark of fury ignite within him, looking at him as if Paranoid was the problem.

"There is nothing in the house-"

"Yes there is!" Paranoid exclaimed in protest, wrapping his arms around himself. "The eyes keep staring at me in there! I can't go back! I can't take them watching me!"

He needed a moment to try and get his breathing under control, all the while Stubborn was just standing there, giving him a frustrated and conflicted look.

Eventually, when Paranoid was sure that he could talk again, he lowered his gaze to look at his trembling hands, to try and ignore Stubborn's judgemental glare.

The silence would've been comforting, would've helped Paranoid clear his head, but with Stubborn here, that couldn't happen.

Stubborn let a heavy sigh out. "Look, I'm not leaving without you, so you need to listen to me. There are no fucking eyes in the house."

Paranoid whimpered, and he almost missed the wince that Stubborn made at that sound. Paranoid was on the verge of tears at this point. He hated this. He hated his feelings. He hated his mind.

He especially hated the way Stubborn was staring at him-with nothing but pity.

Stubborn continued, his gravelly voice as soft as he could make it, "You're just seeing things-"

But that broke the moment immediately.

"I am not seeing things!" he screamed in Stubborn's face, claws digging into his skin so hard that they were probably cutting him, but he didn't care. "I am not crazy! No matter how much you think I am!"

Stubborn genuinely looked taken aback at his outburst, face frozen in shock, but all Paranoid could focus on was trying not to cry in this moment, mumbling, "I'm not crazy," over and over again to himself.

That went on for so long that Paranoid was starting to believe that he had made Stubborn up as well, until he heard him sigh.

"...Sorry," Stubborn muttered, crouching down in front of Paranoid, and if Paranoid wasn't in the middle of a breakdown, he would've commented on the rare look of guilt on Stubborn's face.

"I'm still not planning on ditching you here. I still need to bring you home."

Paranoid whimpered,squeezing his eyes shut in the hopes of blocking out all the horror that constantly surrounds him. "But the eyes are in there."

"Then I'll protect you."

Paranoid froze, then opened his eyes.

Stubborn was holding his arms out to him, a hopeful glint in his eyes. "I'll make sure that nothing comes near you or hurts you. Everyone will be there to protect you as well in the house."

"Are you sure?" Paranoid asked, his body already leaning forward towards Stubborn's warm and inviting arms.

"Yeah," Stubborn assured with a nod of his head. "What? You think people like Hero and Hunted are gonna let anything bad happen to you?"

That was true. Despite the fear still consuming Paranoid's mind, he knew that that was real. His flock's love was real.

He cautiously looked into Stubborn's eyes- warm, and solid, a determined glint in them that slowly pierced through the fear within him, letting him know for a single moment-Stubborn was safe.

Paranoid took a deep breath, and then reached out towards Stubborn. Stubborn allowed Paranoid to move closer to him, right up until Paranoid's fingers grazed his wrist, and suddenly he let a shuddering gasp out and desperately crawled into Stubborn's arms, who had no problem with immediately scooping Paranoid up, holding him close to his chest.

"I've got you, I'm here," Stubborn whispered, hugging Paranoid protectively, putting a hand over the back of his head, and Paranoid shoved his face into Stubborn's chest, breathing in his comforting scent, feeling his trembling already lessen.

Stubborn stood there for a few minutes, just shushing and rocking Paranoid back and forth, until Paranoid felt all the tension leave his body, safe in Stubborn's arms.

"That's it, you're safe with me," Stubborn whispered, and then began the walk back home, and Paranoid sighed in relief, not feeling any eyes on him at all in that moment, not with Stubborn there to protect him.

[averysmolkirbo]

temporary moment of weakness

im fine :D

Unless i think about it too much so im gonna have to wrap this up quickly

NOOOOOOO IM NOT READY FOR THE HYPERFIXATION TO END!! IM. NOT. DONT LEAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA😭😭😭

[softguarnere]

Something He Can't Have

Edmund Pevensie x fem!reader

A/N: Not me falling back into one of my oldest hyperfixations after watching the movies this past week for Christmas 🥴 I honestly don't know what to say for myself, other than that I had fun writing this and it may have single-handedly saved me from my recent writing slump. Anyway, hope y'all like this, byeeee ✨💕 Warnings: none

Lucy lets out a groan that sounds so annoyed that it instantly draws Edmund back into the present moment. “Can I ple-ease say something now?” She asks Susan, who sits to her left at the banquet table.

Susan shushes her, but there’s no malice behind it. In fact, when she does allow a disheartened look to grace her face, she directs it toward Edmund. “No. I suppose we shouldn’t meddle.”

They’ve captured his interest. Which is something that seems nearly impossible, considering that he’s spent so much of this banquet staring at Peter and (Y/N) on the dance floor, watching his older brother enjoy dance after dance with her. And trying hard not to take it too personally when (Y/N) throws back her head to laugh every now and then at something that Peter has said. Usually, she only laughs like that at his jokes, and usually only when they’re alone together.

If Peter is making her come undone, allowing her to feel comfortable outside of the carefully crafted polite and diplomatic persona that (Y/N) has created for herself to use in Cair Paravel’s court, then she’s become relaxed with him. And who knows where that will lead?

“What are you talking about?” For good measure, Edmund tosses one last glance at the dance floor before turning his attention to his sisters.

“That!” Lucy exclaims, gesturing between Edmund and the crowd that swirl on the floor before them. “This!”

Edmund raises an eyebrow. “The ball?”

His younger sister groans, burying her head in her hands. “Oh, I give up!”

“Edmund,” Susan says sternly. “I promised myself that I wouldn’t get involved, but this has gone on long enough.” For a split second, the gentle queen loses her composure, though only ever so slightly. “I mean, for God’s sake! It’s downright painful to watch!”

Still confused, Edmund isn’t sure what to say that will clarify whatever his sisters are talking about without further upsetting them. Instead, he settles for biting his lip, glancing between his sisters and the dancing, trying to work out their meaning himself.

Susan sighs, turning to Lucy. “He’s either a better actor than we give him credit for, or he’s downright daft.”

“Help me out here,” Edmund says.

“(Y/N)!” Lucy hisses, leaning across Susan so that she can scold her brother without causing too much unwanted attention. “You’ve been following her around all lovesick for ages now, but you haven’t done anything. And now you’re all jealous watching her dance with Peter.”

“Am not!”

Lucy swats his arm. “You’ve been staring at them all night. If you like her so much, then you better do something before you lose her forever!”

In other situations, Susan might chide the youngest Pevensie sibling, telling her that she’s being a bit overdramatic before offering Edmund some sort of good-natured advice. Edmund looks to her expectantly, only to find her brown eyes full of disappointment; she agrees with Lucy.

“We can all agree that you wear green better than any other, Ed,” she says. “But jealousy is not a shade that suits you.”

“Me? Jealous?! Of who?”

But his sisters only fix him with knowing looks. It makes Edmund want to wither away from existence on the spot. He spent most of their lives before Narnia being jealous of Peter. It’s been hard, but it’s something that he’s worked on since they were crowned. He really thought that he had overcome it. Now, though, his sisters’ words, coupled with the funny feeling in his stomach . . . He feels like a man, trapped, full of guilt, and caught in the middle of something very private. Which innocent people with nothing to hide do not feel in situations like these.

I fancy (Y/N), he realizes, admitting it to himself for the first time. It feels demeaning, somehow, to put a label on the feelings that he’s been harboring in secret for so long. And I’m jealous because she likes Peter more than me, says the next one, which makes him feel even worse.

A warm hand takes hold of his and squeezes. For all the annoyance that Lucy has felt toward him in these past few minutes, she offers him nothing but a kind look and encouraging smile. “You have to do something, Ed.”

“I – “ The words clog in his throat, causing him to swallow thickly, trying to find some of the air which has suddenly become very scarce. As you spin by on the dance floor, Edmund can see how you’re smiling at Peter like he hung the moon, and how his older brother beams at you like you created all the stars. Who wouldn’t want to bask in the sun’s warmth like that? And what sort of evil would dare separate two people who appear to be so . . . so in love. “I can’t.”

“You can,” Susan reassures him. “Trust me, Ed.”

Edmund, however, can’t take his eyes off of you. “I can’t ruin that.”

“You won’t,” Susan says. And if Edmund had his wits about him, he would recognize that she says it with the tone of someone who is very sure of herself because she has access to information that no one else has. (She, after all, is your best friend. But facts like that tend to fall by the wayside in moments of intense anxiety such as this.) “Ed, it’ll be fine. Trust me.”

To unstick the words in his throat, Edmund reaches for his goblet and takes a swig of the drink from inside. If he’s really going to do this, he’ll need all the courage he can get, no matter where it comes from.

As the song ends, he pushes back his chair and begins to make his way around the table. Lucy squeals with delight from behind him, and both his sisters offer nods of encouragement and thumbs up when he turns back to them, unsure.

The next thing that he knows, he’s on the dance floor, maneuvering his way through the crowd to reach you –

He catches sight of you just as you excuse yourself from the dance floor. You disappear into the crowd before he can call out to you, though he reaches out a hand, like he might be able to catch you from afar.

“Edmund!” A well-meaning slap on the back announces Peter’s presence. His older brother throws an arm around his shoulders. He radiates heat after all that dancing. “I wondered when you might join us on the dance floor.”

“I’m not. I’m just looking for (Y/N).”

Peter’s smile doesn’t falter, despite the fact that the next words out of his mouth are devastating news. “I believe that she’s retiring for the night.”

“Oh?”

“She said that she needed some air, that she might go to bed.”

As one of Narnia’s kings, Edmund is inclined to stay present for the majority of this banquet. You, being a courtier, are free to go as you please, seeing as there are no diplomatic negotiations, no fates of any nations, resting on your shoulders. If things were different, he would find a way to go after you.

And he’s actually looking for an excuse to do so when Peter says something that makes him stop.

“I wish she would have stayed,” the High King sighs. “We were having such a good time.”

Edmund nods, hands involuntarily clenching into fists at his sides. His voice feels hollow when he replies, “It looked like you were having a good time.”

“I was thinking – “ A laugh cuts Peter off as he shakes his head, looking half embarrassed, half giddy. “I was actually just about to ask her to be my – my girlfriend.” On the last word, something most unusual happens – the High King blushes. Actually blushes! Who would have known that such a thing was possible?

To say that it catches Edmund off guard would be an understatement. He’s never seen Peter so vulnerable . . . so happy. It makes Edmund’s mouth go dry. He and Peter have had their differences throughout their lives, but he can’t just ruin his older brother’s chance at happiness.

“Oh.” Is all that Edmund can think to say. He hesitates for a moment before asking, “What do you think she’ll say?”

Peter laughs, breathlessly, happily. “Well, I’m hoping that she’ll say yes, of course. In fact – “ He glances in the direction that you disappeared in. “ – I would go talk to her now, if not for my responsibilities.”

“Go,” Edmund finds himself saying. He can feel Peter’s look of surprise mirrored on his own face. But if Peter is going to do this, if this is all really happening, he’d honestly rather get it over with. “I’ll cover for you here.”

Now it’s Peter who hesitates. After a moment, his face breaks into a wide smile. He claps Edmund on the shoulder. “You’re a good man, Ed.”

I wish I were better, the Just King thinks as he watches his older brother chase after the girl that they both love.  

From the banquet table, Lucy and Susan are giving him confused looks. Edmund only shrugs, then quietly rejoins them. He doesn’t speak, doesn’t want to explain what’s just happened. He recedes into himself, letting the party whirl by without him.

If only he were paying attention – then he would see the knowing look on Susan’s face.

. . .

It’s late when the banquet ends, and later still when Edmund slips into the library. He’s exhausted, but his mind is racing and won’t let him sleep. You and Peter had disappeared from the banquet hours ago. That’s plenty of time for his brother to have confessed to you and for you to have accepted. Dread fills him at the thought of the two of you happily announcing your new relationship the next morning at breakfast. He’ll have to face the two of you sometime, to muscle through his own pain and begin navigating a world where he has to accept that you’re in love with his older brother. But tonight, he can be amongst his books, which are a comfort.

He's so distracted that he doesn’t immediately notice you sitting by the fireplace, an open book on your lap, but a distracted look on your face as you watch the flames dance before you.

“Oh,” you both exclaim at the same time when you notice each other. The synchronicity makes you both laugh.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he apologizes.

“I didn’t mean to take your hiding spot,” you say in turn. You shut your book, but Edmund holds out a hand to stop you.

“You don’t have to leave on my account.”

You squint, studying him for a second, before nodding and settling back into the cushions behind you. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Carefully, Edmund takes a seat opposite you, gazing into the fire to gather his nerve. He didn’t expect to find you here. Didn’t expect to find you looking so . . . distracted and lonely as you stare into the fire, your book forgotten. He really shouldn’t pry. But you’re his friend, first and foremost, and he doesn’t want that to change. “Is everything alright?”

Delicate fingers pinch the bridge of your nose. You sigh, collecting yourself before looking up at him through the firelight.

“Peter asked me to be his girlfriend,” you confess. Though the library is quiet, your voice is dull, hard to hear. You do not look as joyful as he imagined you would when delivering this news.

“Oh,” Edmund offers. He fumbles for words. You look upset, so he can’t congratulate you. But then again, he’s not sure if he should console you.

You stare at him for a moment, studying him just as intently as he’s studying you. “I said no,” you finally explain.

“Oh,” Edmund says again, for lack of anything better to say. “I’m . . . sorry?” Except that he’s really not. He feels quite relieved, if he’s being honest with himself.

Your brows furrow. He’s said the wrong thing, but he’s not sure where he went wrong.

“I said no,” you repeat. “Because I have feelings for someone else.”

Edmund’s heart, only on the mend for a split second, plummets. “Oh. I see.”

“No you don’t,” you scoff. “Edmund, you’re the one I have feelings for! Have you really not noticed by now?”

The words echo through the still library. They hang between you for a moment. A glorious, albeit confusing, moment where Edmund can do nothing but stare at you, unsure if he’s heard you correctly. Narnia is a magical place, but there’s no way that you could have said the very thing that he would do anything to hear.

“You do?” His voice comes so quietly that when you don’t immediately reply, he worries that maybe he hasn’t spoken at all.

“Yes. And for quite some time, I might add.”

“But – “ Images of the night swirl in his mind. You had danced with Peter for ages, looking so happy. Everyone likes Peter. They always have. And much, much more than they like Edmund. To say that you have feelings for him . . . “Why?”

You blink, taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“I mean . . . Everyone likes Peter. He always gets what he wants.”

Even in the dim glow of the firelight, he can see your gaze soften.

“Oh, Edmund.” You leave your seat, coming closer to him. He rises, meeting you halfway, so that the two of you are standing together in front of the fire. Gently, you take his hand, intwining your fingers. Your hand is warm in his. You squeeze, and on instinct, he squeezes back. “That’s not true.”

“What’s not?”

“People like you, too. I like you.” Your grip tightens on his hand. “And Peter doesn’t always get what he wants. I know something he can’t have.”

“What’s that?”

A smile tugs at your lips when you gaze up at him and say, “He can’t have this.”

[gojoawayhoe]

What even is JJK?

Hello JJK community!! I am an avid fanfic reader who was going through a crisis, accidentally stumbled across a JJK SMAU post, and triggered a hyperfixation (yayy)

I thought it might be fun to stumble my way through figuring out what is going on here with as little official information as possible. This post is my attempt to understand JJK from SMAU and fanfic alone! To be clear, I have NOT read or watched the anime/manga - this is just my interpretation for wtf is going on here.

A few things before we get into this -

Spoiler Warnings! This should be obvious, but since I've never watched/read the show I don't actually know what is considered a spoiler or not. Please read on with caution~

Newbie Warning! I am so new into this fandom, and it is a lot bigger than the ones I've been in before. This post is supposed to be fun, and I am coming from a place of good faith. If I accidentally commit a faux pas, please be kind!

Foul Language Warning! Most of this was written stream of conscious style over two weeks as I was struggling through some tough stuff IRL. My tone is tongue in cheek, and I did not pay much attention to grammar or minding my language. I don't say anything too crazy, but I am perhaps too liberal with certain four letter words.

With that said! Please enjoy my delirious ramblings as I make sense of this batshit crazy world. I had so much fun with this, and I hope you like it?

OKKKK SO (who is who, pt 1/?; i got some questions):

Did Shoko really cheat her way through medical school?

Toji is ?? An assassin with one?? two?? Dead wives?? Are we suspicious or nah

Also like, Toji? Sometimes he's written like an ass, sometimes like a strung out single dad?

yuuji is ..... chosos brother... somehow...?

Megumi is……. Tojis son? But also sometimes gojos adopted son?? Or at least mentee??

Speaking of Megs, here are some thoughts I had while figuring this effer out:

-Man, Megumi really likes dogs i guess, thats cool

-Oh huh, whats a shikigami?

-oh, that sounds pretty cool

*sees dogs mentioned again*

-cue: holy shit moment

-i straight up thought he was overly obsessed with dogs. Like as a character trait because its mentioned so much. 

-ykw ig he still is

-can you pet them?

Shibuya:

At first, mentions of Shibuya went over my head. Then, three or four days in, I read an smau where nanami made plans with the reader to do something as soon as he returned from Shibuya. It was really so sweet! But… umm…. The comments did not agree?

So this is the first time i googled anything, and found myself on the wiki. And uh, yeah, fuck you guys /s

And i was like, I wonder who else has died then?? And guys, i gotta be honest, I did NOT like it !! 🥹

alright, I got distracted.

Trying to figure out who is affiliated with who from smau/fanfic alone is nearly impossible (who is who pt 2/?). 

Eventually, you get here:

Most people - jj sorcerers/tokyo high

Toji + shiu - assassins

Kenjaku + mahito (mojito)? = freaky bitches (also is it just me or is mahitos design kinda.... 😏 no? just me?)

Choso - ???????? I genuinely cant tell?????? Sometimes yuuji is his brother and sometimes hes with the freaky bitches ??????? Is he a good girl gone bad ?? A bad girl gone good ?? Is he meaning yuuji like as a vessel of sakuna and sakuna is his half brother???? because apparently the whole main point of the goddamn show is that yuuji ate one of sakunas fingers and is his vessel or whatever??

And speaking of that, how did i not know yuuji and megumi (and… nobara…?) are the protagonists?? I went days without googling the premise of the show (yup.) and i was floored, lemme tell you! I really had no idea what was going on, yall 😌

So back to who is who again (pt 3/?, Geto edition) -

Ok. So..... OK. Geto, right? WTF is up here? here's what I've got

Geto + gojo (and Shoko!) = #besties

Geto has a crisis

Now hes racist

Aaaaaand slaughters a village (and his family??? is that right??)

Geto + gojo = #breakup

Gojo is real sad about it

10 years later geto comes back and gojo kills him

Geto is reanimated by the freakiest looking yeerk ive ever seen (does anyone even know animorphs anymore or is that series a fever dream I made up?)

#sadboi vibes only plz #trapped in the prison realm #justGojothings #honestly fuck the Shibuya arc

okay ANDDDD -

Gojo + Geto + KFC = ???!

y'all i see them referenced with KFC all the time. this is definitely a private joke that I am not in on lmao

moving on!

Sakuna v Gojo.

Yeah, fuck this arc too honestly. Gojo's my favorite. Sue me! I'm basic! I never said I wasn't!

back to CHOSO again (my beloathed <3) (who is who pt 4/?):

I have figured it out!! Choso was with the freaky bitches to avenge his brothers, then somehow figured out that Yuuji is his half brother and badda bing, bad girl turns good. love to see it.

But, is it cannon??

Some of these are characters are written so baby girl-ified that i think id be upset reading the source material. Like… is choso really that sweet and innocent? He is written as the sweetiest of baby gorls. But like isnt he an antagonist? I suspect he probably has one or two scenes in canon that are naïve and endearing, and the fanfic girlies ran with it. As they absolutely should. But im attached this version now and I dont want that ruined 😌 I've seen yall bitch about the white dog thing in SMAU, but you know what? I love it here in delulu land and im sticking with it.

Also, I have a feeling that Nanami is just a serious guy with a stick up his ass. Do I love how he is written? yes. Do I stan a romantic family man? idk, ask my husband (yes, I do). Do I think he is TOTALLY different in cannon? Absolutely

Do I think Geto is this tragic, heartbreaking villian in cannon? Yeah, I think that's probably right. but i mean, genocidal maniac is kindve hard to reconcile with how he is portrayed in the ficdom universe. Also, I love how many people just choose to simply ignore his betrayal arc and pretend it simply ✨didnt happen✨. i love it and im living for it.

There are about 10,000 different portrayals of Gojo in fic. Some common themes are:

fuckboy gojo

sadboy gojo

lovesick gojo

emotionally unavailable gojo

I think most right is probably #4? idk man, if my life was in danger all the time and I was viewed as (at best) nothing more than a weapon by society AND my best friend betrayed me like this? I probably would also float through life with minimal attachments and a laissez faire attitude. but then this is also challenged by his clear attachment to the protagonists (who are, apparently, the students and not the teachers)

Will I watch/read this anime/manga?

Honestly?? Idk yall. I kinda mentioned this earlier, but I have now gotten attached to these characters as they are in my head. in delulu land. Also, my real life still kinda sucks rn, and idk if I am currently built for the death and betrayal and ANGST in my fantasy world too, thank you very much.

That said, my brother in law is begging me to watch it since he heard im doing this. This world is genuinely so complex and interesting, and the magic system is fascinating. AND it would be interesting to go through it and see what ive actually gotten right and what ive gotten just so, so wrong.

Maybe if anyone actually reads this and it picks up traction ill consider it, and do a follow up post with the right and the wrong

N E Ways! I think that's about all the word vomit I am capable of right now. if anyone actually read all this, I hope you enjoyed my nonsensical ramblings! feel free to tell me what I got right, what I got wrong, or how good/bad my takes are.

[havenesc]

Hi haven

I wanted to let you know that rancher au Jason has rewritten my brain chemistry so badly that it knocked me straight out of a different hyperfixation and I am now playing Gotham Knights again after several months

What's your favorite aspect of rancher au jason, and how it allows him to heal?

hi sage!! thank you so much for sending this ask, this is such a very sweet thing to say!! brought a big ole smile to my lil face :'))

(the jason rancher au)

this is a REALLY good question. there's a lot of aspects about jason that i enjoy, even not necessarily positive traits. he's paranoid and snaps like a cornered dog. he can be abrasive and bullheaded. i want to write a jason that can be believable in dc generally, so those traits are the same for what i like about mr. jason peter todd in general, but specifically the thing that i think i really like about jason and what serves the narrative really well for this particular AU is how he longs for connection with other people.

jason todd is not a lone wolf, though he would like to make everybody believe that he is better off left to his own devices. even in canon, he is seeking out -- sometimes in extreme, unhealthy, ineffective ways -- people. their approval, their love for him, so on and so forth. it's why he keeps coming back to this damn city. it's why he has the outlaws. like, obviously, he's a popular character and DC makes money when he shows up, so they're not going to let him leave gotham or bruce or any of that (and i don't think the character would want to give up gotham), but at his core, he is a guy who places his self worth and validation in his relationships with people. the night he leaves gotham, he is fairly sure he's been severed from a lot of those relationships he's relied on.

this leaks into everything he does. he would still have a solid work ethic regardless of if he was looking for approval, but it's that need for approval and acceptance that elevates that already-present trait. at the end of the day in rancher, he is working a job. he needs to do well at that job to keep his cover. it would be really easy for him to just put his head down, stay in his lane, and learn what he's supposed to and do what he needs to, but he doesn't. he can't. mclaren offers him this job from a good place in his heart and tells him he has a good head on his shoulders and jason isn't actively aware of it, but he has no idea when the last time anybody said something like that to him was. it's not even true in his eyes, sure, but someone said it without having to be asked for it. and i think that sets a tone for him moving into this role.

it's why he tries to fit in with the hands -- he can't not try to make a connection with the people in close proximity to him. he's always indirectly reaching out, trying to be something to someone. as it stands, all the hands are really close to each other and have been working together for a while by the time jason shows up, but it's not a hurdle, just a fact.

they're fairly nice to him, even when they are really not sure where the hell mickey found this guy and they have really low expectations. he may be prickly, and they will correct him and put him in his place, but they do it without fanfare. it's just something that needs addressed. they address it. they move on and everybody benefits. he can have his understanding of social cues and interpersonal relationships restructured -- the batfamily does not have "normal" standards for either of those things -- without it being a death knell or a blowout fight. and because he wants that connection, and he wants at his core to have people he cares about and to feel like people care about him, he's going to adapt. he's going to ease into a different way of communicating with people he knows, and in some way, loves. jason is a big ole hearted guy.

as far as healing goes, i think he also puts a lot of faith into what the hands have to say as he grows his relationships with them. obviously he's lying through his teeth about who Jayce Thomas really is, which is a problem, but it doesn't fully prevent him from slipping up and dropping hints of Real Lore as he gets further comfortable with them and they begin to understand the quilt pattern that makes up who he is and why and they would weigh in on that. he will always kind of put his self worth in other people, i think he would need like. ACTUAL years of therapy with a licensed professional to actually unlearn that. which this fic he isn't getting LOL -- but he is getting feedback that he is, at the end of the day, a guy worthy of respect and love. he's loyal. he's a damn hard worker. he's an empathetic softie underneath all the bitchisms. he's their buddy jayce. he's their city boy social experiment. they'll rag on him nine ways from sunday for taking a cheap fall off a horse but god forbid anybody else say shit about it.

the current narrative in comics (and even in dark legions which i'm ashamed to admit i play on my phone to pass time) is that jason was always doomed to be a villain in some capacity. a street level thug at bare minimum, had bruce not "saved" him from his destiny of crime. and there is an element of that in play as well in rancher au -- that all the things jason does can be attributed to the fact that he might be falling into a life he was always "meant" to. bruce takes personal investment in this "rehabilitation," and jason not following his values and falling in line is grounds for not only severe correction, but REINFORCEMENT of this ideology. some people in the narrative actively think it would be better if he stayed away; some people never had a great relationship with jason, and it is indeed a product of his actions. so for jason to go completely out of his element to a fresh page in the book, to a place where his ghost is not haunting his narrative, where he can unlearn his behaviors that are just a byproduct of living vigilante life with batman as his antagonist, and be told something completely different? to be told, indirectly by people who want to be close to him, that he's a good guy and capable of doing good things outside of bruce's influence?

i could keep going but yeah. it might not fix him and it's not about fixing him exactly but it would definitely heal him in some way, i think.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

my brain is currently hyperfixation crashing so hard that I am having an anxiety attack, and I am just sitting here staring into space blankly like an autistic robot or a Sim that nobody has queued up commands for

everyone please know that I am having an autistic headache artistic fanfiction crisis. so please know that if I disappear for two or three weeks and then come back with a very random long fic - I have solved the problem. (if not, then idfk what to do.)

this is one of those 'I am full of autistic writing energy but I am spinning like a top in 70 directions and have no clue what I am supposed to be working on' situations

it doesn't help that I am physically exhausted (and my brain is fucking wired, wanting to work on SOMETHING and I have SUCH A HARD TIME RESTING) and I am technically supposed to be taking my year end break instead of cooking up something new to work on

[lover-of-mine]

I just had a thought regarding the “Tim should punish Buddie fans” of it all. Because at the end of the day it’s a TV show, the thing they care most about is ratings. Tim has admitted that the show got worse and ratings got worse when he stopped writing Buddie scenes (something I’m sure ABC is very aware of). So it honestly shouldn’t matter if some Buddie fans are annoying - we represent the majority opinion, which affects the ratings. Yeah they may lose some of the gained viewers from the BT stans if they breakup but it’s nothing on the viewers they’ll lose if they force Eddie into another straight relationship and separate Buck and Eddie for separate endgames.

Okay, pure speculation here, but the show is a business as much as it is a story and a show has to deal with stuff a book or a movie don't. Since the story is not contained, they need to adapt to the circumstances in which it is airing. We know for a fact that fox was against Buck being bi and that gives us the chance to infer that they were against the buddie thing as a whole. We know this was supposed to happen during s4, we know s5 separates Buck and Eddie physically since Eddie leaves the station, so that reduces their screentime without major problems because while we were getting less casual buddie since they weren't working together, we got a lot of quality buddie during Eddie's breakdown. They continued to reduce the Buck and Eddie of it all during 6a. No one was happy about it. We were NOT happy that we were missing out on their dynamic except for a few moments that were thrown in. That so created a problem that they overcorrect that in 6b. We all knew the lightning was coming but the promo had a lot of Eddie's reaction to it, we even got a bts video of Ryan running up the ladder, the do more was the teaser scene we got, when we got recovery and mixed feelings, with recovery giving us some quality buddie, and mixed feelings giving us a lot of buddie overall. Obviously, the threat of cancellation made them shift things around, we know there were reshoots, we know they tried to wrap things up in case that was the final season, and that made them drop the ball with buddie for a second there after the cemetery, but they fixed that during s7, because there was a LOT of buddie, especially considering it was reduced season. Abc has a lot of good queer rep, they seem to like their glaad awards nominations. We obviously have no idea of why fox was blocking biBuck, and again, pure speculation, but I am willing to bet you that the buddie of it all was part of the conversation while the buy was being negotiated or at least while they were discussing the plans to integrate 911 to abc once the buy was finalized. The abc people have an outside perspective on buddie, the same way we do, and buddie is a compelling dynamic that can be a gold mine if they play their cards right. If, I, a random person on the internet with a blog and hyperfixation and nothing to gain from it, can reach the conclusion that getting buddie together can bring them a shit load of exposure, I guarantee you that someone there reached that conclusion too. I believe they sat down with the team and asked "what's the deal with Buck and Eddie? Is there a plan?" and they reached some conclusion to finally get them there because they took Ryan out of pr jail and continuously put Oliver and Ryan together leading up to the season and the Buck and Eddie talk did not stop once Buck being bi was canonically confirmed.

Logistically, if the plan was to simply make Buck bi and not make the Buck and Eddie a thing, obviously, Eddie wouldn't be involved with Buck's bi arc the way he is in the story, but they would also not involve Ryan in the promotion with Oliver like that. It's 2024, no one wants queerbaiting allegations thrown at them. We lived through the mcu, and teen wolf, and supernatural, and no one wants to be that guy. They have a compelling dynamic that's been drawing people in for years, and they could've gone the whole show with both of them being perceived as straight in universe, keep doing what they were doing, leave us in the will they/won't they, and keep our part of the audience forever because we would keep coming back waiting to see them together. Personally, I think Buck being bi was a trial run in many ways from the business side of it. Buck is extremely well liked by the audience, he is a fan favorite, so people are a lot more lenient with his shit than other characters, that means that if Buck being bi was poorly received by the general audience, they could backtrack him out of it a lot easier and just introduce another pretty girl and not go there. Male bisexual rep is also not all that common, it's usually the pretty girl best friend that you later find out had a girlfriend in college who may or may not be in love with the female lead, so it stands on its own in the conversation. And, well, Buck being bi was extremely well received. Ship war aside, there is a significant part of the new influx of people who are just as invested in the Buck and Eddie of it all even with another male love interest in the mix. And there was a huge influx of people. Somewhere in the 911 team, someone is making predictions and they are aware that Eddie being queer will have the same type of reaction. Eddie might not be as popular as Buck on his own, but with the added fact that queer Eddie means buddie is coming, they get the same boom that biBuck had. They also became the first media to do this. No superhell, no complicated feelings for a car, no going back to the past. Just a compelling relationship between two male characters that's been drawing people in since the beginning that changed into something romantic and requited. They would be the first to take the popular m/m ship that drives the internet crazy and make it happen. I know of a lot of traumatized destiel or sterek or stucky or whatever else who are waiting for Eddie to be confirmed queer to start watching the show with the whole 911 already had queer rep, Buck being bi is no guarantee they'll follow through, I don't wanna be disappointed again. Which is fair, but it is a second wave of people that could come into the show. Buck and Eddie are unheard of rep. It's a 6+ seasons queer slowburn. They are best friends, they have a kid, their devotion to each other is very clear. Abc has the chance to go full Elle Woods "what like it's hard?" to every queerbaity ship that came before buddie. Especially considering we have Oliver on record multiple times saying fox was blocking it. And that would make them so much money. So much exposure. We're talking become subjects in television history classes for the rest of times because they were the first to pull through. We're not just talking ratings, we're talking being put next to genre-defining couples in media. They are a gold mine that Oliver and Ryan are on board with, that Tim seems to be on board with and that abc clearly likes using for promotion so they at least understand the numbers they could bring, so not going there because a fraction of the fandom is being bitchy on the internet is bad business.

Season 6 gave them the perfect opening to separate Buck and Eddie but they used season 7 to bring them closer together than they've ever been. If the plan was to make them end up with other people, they had the chance to make that clear this season, and they didn't. They're not gonna throw it away like this to "punish fans". They would be punishing themselves.

[itsaspectrumcomic]

Hello :),

[EDIT: This is a super long asks, sorry about that 😭. I‘m just very unsure of this whole topic and I tend to ramble when I‘m nervous.] I‘ve been following your little comics for a while now (and always thought "ah, I do have a few symptoms but I‘m surely not autistic, I‘m not that extreme") aaaaaaand it turns out I may have it! At least every single test I did (which were a lot with a few months in between) resulted in a high percentage and I‘m actively looking for a therapist to get an official diagnosis- but that‘s not the point I‘m trying to get to, sorry I‘m rambling a bit.

Ahem I‘m still pretty new in this autism… community? Can one call it like that? And I constantly doubt my self-diagnosis and stuff, especially because I have trouble finding out if something is a special interest or just a hobby. Recently, I saw one of your comics in which you mentioned books would be a special interest of yours (or have been in the past). Is that really a thing? I‘ve had a phase where multiple people told me I was addicted to books because I just couldn‘t stop reading/rambling. Whenever I had the time I read, and that is not an exaggeration, I read from morning to evening. Over the years, I started analyzing the books, making up my own stories and getting into writing. Now (which means in the last seven months) my… hobby has changed to (over) analyzing every aspect of a specific show I‘ve watched, and how every tool (animation, camera work, music etc.) was used to enhance the story. I literally can‘t just… not talk about it. It‘s agonizing to talk about other topics, although it has somewhat gone better over course of the last couple of months. And the worst is that the show‘s second season was a total writing disaster and I can‘t stop thinking about it, to the point that I kind of want to slam my head in the wall just to get it out and focus on idk. My English exam or smth. It went so far that I actually started my own rewrite because it bugs me so much how the writing changed and-

I‘m stopping here. Sorry again I‘m also a bit sleepy rn, so my brain is not working correctly. What I‘m actually asking is: does that sound like a hyperfixation? Because every website so far has told me autism means obsessing over niche topics, but writing and books are pretty mainstream, right?

Oh and how the heck am I supposed to know what is neurotypical and what’s autistic?? Because ever since I started researching, I keep catching myself doing stuff like rearranging spoons so the comfortable spoons are on top, or keeping tissues in my pockets to rip them when stressed, but isn’t that normal? Everyone wants to have the comfortable spoons on top, right? Right??

All I‘m saying is… I’m confused. And nervous. And constantly doubt myself. Your comic made me think that maybe some of the self-doubt wasn‘t as warranted because special interests don‘t have to be super… special?

Yeah and I really like your comics byeee :).

Hello, I'm glad you like my comics! :)

Anything can be a special interest! It doesn't matter if it's considered mainstream or a lot of other people like it too, and it doesn't have to be 'strange' or 'niche'. If you are intensely focused on a subject, activity, piece of media etc, spend a lot of time thinking about it, learning about it, talking about it, and get a lot of joy out of it, that counts as a special interest. The difference is the intensity.

For example, a neurotypical person might like Marvel shows, enjoy watching them and chatting about them with friends and maybe own some fandom related merch or occasionally write fanfics, whereas an autistic person with Marvel as a special interest might rewatch them over and over, have dialogue memorised, want to collect every figurine, write about and analyse it, know trivia about the production and the comics etc.

(This is a generalisation btw - a person can be obsessed with something without being autistic, they'd need to have other traits too. And you don't have to know absolutely everything about a subject for it to be a special interest.)

All that to say yes, if you have an intense interest in books, reading them, writing them, analysing them, then it definitely counts! Same goes for your show :)

If you relate to that and other autistic traits, you are welcome to consider yourself part of the autistic community.

(Btw, I think most neurotypical people don't really think about whether the most comfortable spoon is on top. I think they just put the spoons in the draw and move on to something else.)

[dreamsy990]

heres my designs for all the important gods (I FORGOT HEPHAESTUS SORRY) in epic

thoughts/explanations behind the designs + sketches under the cut

general notes: my biggest headcanon for the gods designs is that they can be just about anything because they (within some limits) choose how they appear. so a god can look like just about anything, but its almost always mostly human. the only real rules to that i think are that 1) their design should usually try to incorporate their main symbols/domain in some way (in some way allows for a lot of range though, so athena for example is very much a bird creature since shes very associated with owls, but aphrodite has just some roses and shells in her hair, and 2) things like scars and such cant be hidden. this rule mostly only matters for athena. i realize i incorporated gold into almost all of their designs but that wasnt intentional lol. anyways let meee talk about the specific gods now. also for fun, no god has normal eyes. theyre either shadowed out entirely, weird shapes, or have no pupils. or all three! i think weird eyes is what distinguishes a god in my designs. i havent done this in my circe or calypso designs but since theyre not quite gods but adjacent i might give them similarly weird eye shapes but also pupils. idk we'll see!

aeolus: so my aeolus design is originally from a sketch i did in class. i was trying to draw telemachus with long hair based on a friends fic and then i was like "oh this looks like how i imagine aeolus would" and the next thing i drew is pretty much Just this final design. i drew aeolus very loosely, he has a clear shape but he should never be fully defined if that makes sense? so when coloring it i decided fuck it he looks like a weird mass of clouds now. its fun! i might change that but idk. also its subtly trans colors because i believe in transmasc aeolus supremacy. i imagine him moving around very freely and seeming to appear and disappear out of nowhere

apollo: so i think apollo is actually the oldest design here? which is to say that i drew apollo ONCE in my sketchbook at the start of my epic hyperfixation and got really into this specific design. i sort of wanted to color him similarly to uh, if you know ginjaninja their design for their oc kynthia? but i ended up going with more just white and gold to keep it simple. i LOVE tiny color palettes lol. the original outfit i believeee was inspired by gigi's hermes actually? but i havent looked at that design in a while so its probably changed. he has a halo that originally looked more like the sun but ive simplified it a bit. why? its cool. also i mightve stolen that from somebody else but i literally CANNOT remember. anyways one fact about this design is that the first time i drew it i labelled it WHORE. you can see i did that in the sketch here too. in his honor.

hermes: little freak guy!! theres honestly not THAT much to say here about hermes. i drew him with a little messenger bag once and i cant NOT draw him with it now i think its cute. i draw odysseus, ctimene, and telemachus all with a gaptooth, and i've never drawn anticlea but i've had the conscious thought that id give it to her too, so fuck it! hermes gets it. it comes from him. the family gaptooth is from him i hope youre happy hermes erfgfrefgfr. color scheme wise i wanted to keep it mostly simple again, i always pictured hermes with silver/white hair for some reason idk why but thats here! and he has rainbow. because is it even hermes without rainbow. i might darken this palette a bit but i am pretty happy with him.

athena: so my athena design ive drawn a ton and shes changed a lot over time. i didnt originally want her to look tooooo birdlike? and then i committed to owlthena because its just FUN man. anyways her silhouette is meant to look very closed off, her "cloak" covers most of her body, just generally shes supposed to seem sort of unapproachable. (note: hes not here but i do this with odysseus too! both because i wanted a similar kind of closed off look for him, and that i wanted him and athena to have visual parallels). her cloak is actually just her wings though! i doodled them unfolded so you can see her without them, as well as without her helmet. her helmet covers one of her eyes with a shadow (again to make her look like shes sort of hiding something), which was a design choice i made BEFORE we found out she lost an eye to zeus, so! coincidentally its good for hiding that scar :]. i doodled her with long black hair ONE WHOLE TIME and its stuck in my mind since so i have to keep that design element forever now. sorry official brunette athena youre not real to me. her color scheme was a STRUGGLE for me though. i knew i wanted to fit blue in there somewhere, but i wasnt really sure how? i eventually caved and made her mostly black and silver with a bit of blue in there. the blue and black gives more magpie energy to her than owl, but i dont know, i like it. i might mess with it more, but yeah! athena! shes really fun to draw lol. i imagine shed be animated in a very constrained sort of way most of the time like her design sort of implies. she doesnt really make big gestures or unnecessary movements she would be sort of uncanny in how still she is most of the time i think.

aries: ive had an aries design for a while so i was basically just finalizing it here. he was supposed to look both very similar to athena and very opposite of her. so they have nearly identical outfits, they both have a helmet shadowing their eyes (but it shadows both of aries' here), theyve both got a lot of animal features (although aries is less visible here, he's a bit dog inspired. you can see his tail eheh), etc. the main difference is that aries is meant to look a lot less, for lack of a better word restrained? his scarf (because its really more of a scarf than a cloak like athena has) only covers part of his face and absolutely none of his body, so it think it gives him a look more like hes ready to fight at any second than athena. i also wanted him to look very scarred/like his armor is scratched up. he and athena are both war gods, but aries is much more likely to throw himself into things and get hurt, while athena plans things in such a way where shes almost never actually hit. brute force vs strategy and whatnot. i sort of wish id made his scars golden too, to look a bit more like athena though. originally the black was red, but it looked really bad, which SUCKS because i wanted the red to contrast with athenas blue. but he just has red eyes here.

aphrodite: very little thought behind this one because my first sketch of her was like two days ago and very inspired by gigis. i sort of wanted her to look doll-like and have a cupids bow lip, but otherwise i got NOTHING girl. shes got pearls and shells in her hair to allude to her connection with the sea though. also roses because i wanted to put in one more symbol and that was a nice way to get a bit more red in there.

hera: im the least happy with this design, almost entirely because of the coloring. i sketched it being more purple, but then i realized that 1) peacocks are a lot more green and 2) IM STEALING FROM JUNE AGAIN!!! THATS HOW JUNE DREW THEIR OC IN A MIRACULOUS AU GODDAMNIT. so the colors are traditional peacock and im NOT happy with them at all. the design is also still basically stolen from june once again i am SO sorry their work is just so integrated into my mind that its a part of me now i do it without thinking. very little notes here otherwise unfortunately,,,,

zeus: weirdly enough i think this is my favorite design? which is WILD because i basically thought of it on the spot like two or three days ago for a shitpost based on a silly manwhore au-adjacent fic i read. the design over all is inspired by neal's? but honestly i think ive done my own thing with it a bit. i didnt really want to do clouds in his hair because id associated that with aeolus in my head, but then i thought of it fading into a dark grey like stormclouds, and having his scarf like lightning? and then he appeared fully formed in front of me. bro is BARELY dressed dude put a shirt on. also his eyebrows are cloud shaped like ursaluna. i fucking hate this dude but im happy with this design

poseidon: OKAY SO POSEIDON IS THE MOST OUT THERE DESIGN HERE I THINK. hes definitely the most inhuman looking one despite us having literally a bird right there, but that was somewhat intentional? and also somewhat because i had a very clear vision of him and needed to make it real exactly as i first thought sorry. anyways, for some characterization, i think with my idea of the gods choosing their appearances and poseidon being a lot more monstrous, you could say he CHOOSES to look unnerving. side note, this is very personal to me but i really like the idea of athena looking more like poseidon than any of her other family. i dont know WHY i just got really attached to that idea. so they have the same hair and somewhat similar faces i think. the resemblance isnt major but it is THERE for sure.

and thaaaats all the gods! i hope you like them :] im going to go review for a test i have tomorrow now

[teamaerialcombo]

HI! HI! I'M THE GUY FROM AO3 IF IT WASN'T OBVIOUS FROM MY CRUSH 40 THEMED BLOG!!

(note . i might be reaching with A LOT of this stuff but this is MY special interest and hyperfixation and i get to say what i want. also i think you'd understand what i mean when i say things)

so, let's get one thing out of the way. on it's own, i am all of me is both a v1 song and a gabriel song on their own in my head

^ this, to me, is v1. the "black writing" in my head is directed towards the writings found on the murals of gabriel in 4-3. "unleashed a million faces / and one by one they fall" all the husks and demons in hell being there for who knows how long, before the machines (or in this case, just v1) come around and start killing them all off. in the grand scheme, v1 is the villain in this story (killing the denizens of hell without mercy, even with a reason thats still a villain), the "black hearted evil", but at the end of the day is still the protagonist, the "brave hearted hero"

^ and this is gabriel. it REALLY reminds me of his monologues to v1, but the beginning is what really sells it. those first two lines really encapsulate who he is as a character, or at least who he was before v1 came around- a weapon for the council (who, if you REALLY wanted to reach for it can also be seen as the evil in this case, and these two lines can be seen as him killing the council). "i laugh and watch you fall" can be seen as the fight in 6-2, going from a accusatory anger to manic laughter. and again, story-wise, gabriel is the antagonist, the main person against the protagonist, v1 (and also was the villain of the past lore, killing off minos & sisyphus most notably when they tried to make hell better). but he's the "hero" of this story (if you think more towards just the current part of ultrakill and not the past lore that takes place beforehand), trying to stop the villain, v1.

now, how does this all tie into gabv1el? simple. two different things. one, i like thinking about how those two verses mentioned above would play out if they said these things to one another, especially with gabriel's end. the manic laughter he has in 6-2 is probably one of the strongest forces the gabv1 fanbase has to show the canonicity of the ship, and "i laugh and watch you fall" really reflects there to me

but also the chorus of the song is? very gabv1 in my head?

like this really reminds me of the almost. i don't want to say OBSESSIVE nature of gabv1el since i know they can be a lot more than that but that's definitely slightly part of it. their obsession with each other that drives them closer (pun only slightly intended) to one another. "capture you or set you free" too. it can be seen from either perspective of the two. for v1, kill gabriel like its programming wants it to or let him live. for gabriel it's the same- kill v1 like how he was supposed to although, now he really has no reason to do so), or let it live to keep observing it and watching its movements and actions (which we have slight proof of him already doing! his dialogue in 6-1). you could also see "can you see all of me? / walk into my mystery" as gabriel talking to v1. he knows about v1 but v1 doesn't know about him. as you play the game more you learn about him through terminals, so by that logic v1 ALSO learns as it progress more, or "walks" into the mystery.

this part also applies to what was said above^

anyways! all in all i think this song for SURE is v1 & gabriel respectively and if you really reach it can be gabv1el. there's definitely crush 40 songs that are more gabv1el than this one (like down & dirty or 2 nights 2 remember) but hey. it's a fun challenge to connect just about anything to crush 40 whenever possible :p

hope you enjoyed my deranged sleep-deprived late-at-night rambles LOLL this was a fun one to yap yap yap about

dude i literally need Everyone to see this analysis. it is So Epic. i get you op i rlly do [shakes your hand in being a sonic & ultrakill fan]

[pickledoesthetumbling]

So, I took the time to listen to some of your voice impressions and afterwards I just... sat. In pure silence. My had my hands folded below my chin and contemplated the likeliness of Alex Hirsch creating a second Tumblr account where he could minger among fans without them suspecting a thing, posting "fan" content of his own show. But then would he have hired the other actual voice actors for the characters he didn't voice? Hmm...

In the end, I still considering it as possibility, btw.

Alright, jokes aside, HOW DO YOU SOUND JUST LIKE THE CHARACTERS?! Your voice impressions are amazing, utterly astounding! I just— Please tell me you have earned a lot of followers for how good they are. I don't know how to find out how many followers other Tumblr accounts have because I'm still new to it, but you should have several, otherwise the world is plotting against you.

Anyway— Would you mind maybe explaining your process? I live to hear behind-the-scenes kind of stuff and would be especially interesting to hear from you with how accurate your impressions are. And, also, have you considered gaining a professional career in voice acting? I feel like you would be excellent at it if you did.

wow. okay. this is a lot.

i may be turning into a pile of happy sludge now.

i am not alex, to start off. i promise you that.

so, some context. gravity falls was one of my first real shows that i watched. i saw some of the episodes back in the heyday and thought "huh. this is weird. but good weird!". i didn't think much of it since im a busy person, always have been. then covid hit 5 years ago and i was bored out of my mind. i'd watched ducktales 2017 and had liked it, so i wanted to find a new show to watch with my mom and brothers. enter gravity falls. i remembered what i had watched a few years back and figured we should give it a watch.

that show had such a profound impact on me and it was one of my first true hyperfixations. i learned every little bit i could, consumed everything there was to consumed, read all the side books, everything. it was around this time i discovered i could do grunkle stan passably. i didn't think much of it since i didn't know how cool impressionists are and what they can do. however, it receded to the back of my mind when my next hyperfixation hit. you'd never guess what it was...

it was the owl house. of course it was. when it started back in 2020, i saw the trailers and thought "this is a girl show. i'm not supposed to find this interesting". (thanks, dad). oh, how wrong i was...

if gravity falls opened my eyes, then the owl house beat me upside the head with a frying pan. i learned way more about a lot of things, like being introduced to lgbtqia+ people, nonbinary people, people with trauma, and autism being a lot more common. that show had more of an effect on me than anything else in my life, and my love for it will never cease. this show led to me figuring out that i'm genderfluid and probably autistic, which helped me so much in understanding things. during this time, though, gravity falls was pushed back down, not forgotten, but not that relevant. that was until i fell down the theory rabbit hole, tho.

what brought gravity falls back to me was when i remembered that someone tried to steal stan's car in vegas. someone named "marilyn". this got the cogs turning. edas full name being edalyn, her being likely to steal a car, her being notorious in the human realm and using that name, a lot of stuff. but this connection between my two favorite things revitalized my love for gravity falls. now, it was the characters. i'd gotten back into it. this coincided nicely with a comicon, where i saw something about voice acting and decided to see what i could do. i haven't turned back since.

first i brought stan back, since he's pretty easy for me to do. sometimes my voice normally sounds like him after i've been shouting a lot. then i started trying to do my other favorite characters, and found myself at a road block. i kept grunkle stan going strong, and got some other characters too (dm me for full list of characters, don't feel like listing them rn, this post is long enough as it is). then tbob came out, and i gained new hope. along with getting into dragon ball and hearing clips of roshi (who i can also do), i realized i might be able to do mcgucket as well. if alex can do it, so can i! this really started it. soos came along not too long afterwards (by the same logic), and then i attempted hooty. hooty isn't my greatest one (my little brother does him better), and that put bill and king off of the table since my voice can't get that high yet. this was also around when i got tumblr. then, i had an epiphany. stan and ford are twins who can do each other's voices, right? (doesn't matter that alex and jk simmons did those parts normally, in the lore the stans can). they are both in a similar kind of gravelly register, so i started working on it. no one was harder to get down than ford. it took weeks of attempts, but eventually i got it. i then did a dub on tumblr after posting other stuff for like a month or two, after i could get into ford relatively quickly. it took off. i think its still my top post of all time tbh. i've been posting voice acting stuff ever since.

ok, with lore dump out of the way. i'm at about 20 followers rn, but that's pretty good for only 3 months of original content. i'm sure to keep growing if i keep at it. i'm a variety blog, so i'm sure to keep amassing loyal subjects treasured fans.

as for my behind the scenes process, it's called "stan first, everyone second". i can switch between my normal voice and his on a dime. after i get my throat warmed up, i then can do other people. with ford, i have to do stan's voice at least once before being able to use his. same goes for mcgucket (young and old), doofenshmirtz, batman, anyone else with gravel. there are a select few i dont need to do stan for, like soos, frieza, and super kame guru, tho.

as for you last question beloved moot, i would love to do voice acting for a living. it's a competitive market, but it would be my dream to do it.

anyway ty sososososo much for that ask! i love doing my voice impressions for people, and will do them often enough. in fact, i have another one on the way rn (once i record). tysm for the ask! <3 <3 <3