#what did he do with the fucking kazoo

[xiaoluclair]

thinking back to how charles forgot to buy max a secret santa present and imagining him buying the f1 game and thinking how tf he's meant to make it not seem like a last minute thoughtless gift and in a moment of desperate brain-wracking panic-fuelled desperation going aha! i know what will be a perfect solution to truly amp this up for a two time world champion childhood rival formula one driver! me. three times. on the cover.

[justlemmeadoreyou]

Temporary Fix*

In which you meet a stranger at a bar, and he becomes your good night

Word Count: 3.3k of pure filth

Warnings: Smut, 18+ content, cursing, spanking, hair pulling, p in v sex(use of protection), aftercare

There he is again.

The devilishly handsome stranger, sitting at the bar two stools away from where you are seated.

He had been here every night you had been, and always looked at you from across the room, or gripped your waist on the dance floor when you were really drunk. But whenever you thought he would make a move, he disappeared.

Maybe tonight was the same too.

So, you decide to ignore him this time. You turned towards the dance floor, holding a classic gin martini in your hands, and stared at the sweaty bodies , moving rhythmically to the pulsating beat. The smooth notes of the gin martini matched the electrifying atmosphere.

Taking a few more sips, you got down and walked to the dance floor, and just then, an upbeat song started to play.

You saw one of your girlfriends there, and she pulled you with her to dance.

You had no idea how to dance. You did when you were drunk, somehow, but right now, the alcohol hadn’t kicked in.

Yet.

As you began to move, swirl your waist, awkward moves ensued, but hey, at least the enthusiasm was there.

A few moments later, you felt the oh-so-familiar hand gripping your waist, and before you could blink, the man had pulled you into him.

Your body collided with his, his grip on your waist tightening. Your mouth dropped open, eyes droopy as you looked up into his hazy emerald eyes.

They were dark, pupils blown out in lust.

Maybe today was the day.

You sneaked your arms from beside your body, and gripped his arms. His muscular biceps that looked so hot, and you immediately imagined him on top of you, his biceps bulging as he fucked you into oblivion.

You blinked your eyes rapidly to remove that image from your mind, and focused on his face.

You both stared into each other’s eyes as you moved to the beat. A few moments later, he leaned in to whisper in your ear, “Y'look really hot tonight”

You smirk, before replying, “Thought you wouldn't notice.”

“Can I buy you a drink?” he offers, sliding his hands downwards towards your hips.

“Sure” you reply.

Soon enough, he’s leading you towards the bar. His hand on your waist, pulling you closer with each step.

You both reach the bar , the dim lights casting a warm glow on the polished counter. The faint hum of conversation and clinking glasses fills the air as you take a seat on the cushioned stools.

The bartender, approaches. "What can I get you two?" he asks with a knowing smile.

He turns to you, his eyes meeting yours. "What would you like?" he inquires, a subtle yet inviting grin playing on his lips.

As you ponder the menu, the atmosphere around you seems to buzz with anticipation

“A rum, neat”

“Same for me”

“Sure”

The bartender turns around, and begins to prepare the drink for you both.

“I’m Harry, by the way”

You smile, his name, laced with an accent, falling beautifully from his perfectly pink lips.

“I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you, Harry”

“Y/n. That’s a beautiful name. So, you from around here?”

“Nope, moved from California, about 6 months ago. Completed my degree, and then landed a job. How about you?”

“Oh, California? Wow, I guess you left the sun for... well, this place. Brave move! And a job? That's like, responsible and stuff. I'm just a regular dude, you know, not as fancy as someone who completed a whole degree. I’m a musician. Came from England.”

“England, huh? That's, um, across the ocean, right? So, like, you're pretty far from home. And a musician, you say? That's cool. I mean, I played the kazoo once in elementary school, does that count?”

He chuckled, making you blush. His dimples were on show, and he looked so pretty.

“Yeah, that’s actually a really uncommon instrument. It’s cool you learned it, though.”

“Yeah, I don’t really remember anything about that now. How about you? What do you play?”

“The big ol’ guitar. And a bit of a piano, that I learned recently.”

The bartender slides the drink on to you, and you both grab it, before continuing the conversation.

“That’s really impressive. So, where do you live?”

“I own my own Residence. A bungalow, if you will. I’ll be glad to show it to you sometime.”

You like where this is headed.

You take a sip of your drink, and it’s really good. Something strong. Exactly what you needed at a Friday night out.

He brings his glass up to his mouth, and that’s when you see his tattoo-a cross on the back of his hand, near the thumb.

“You-you have tattoos?”

“Mhm, many. Would you like to see them?”

You’re surprisingly intrigued. You stare down to his chest, and you could see he had two tats near his collarbones, both sides. Another one was on the middle of his chest, which was only partially visible due to his unbuttoned shirt.

You gulp down hard. Damn, was he hot.

“yeah…”

Your voice trails off, and you hear him keep the empty glass on the table. You look up at him, as he is sliding off his bar stool.

“So, where shall we go?”

“Oh…how about your place? You wanted to show me, right?”

He smirks, “Great idea. Can we get our check here, please?”

He pays for your drinks, before offering you his hand. You gladly hold it, and he leads you out of the bar, to find a taxi.

“Is it too far? I forgot my jacket!” you say, feeling the coldness of the night once you reached out. You rub your palms on your arms, hoping to get some warmth.

“No, just about a 15-minute ride. You cold?”

You stare up at him, and he starts taking off his jacket.

“Right. Here” he wraps it around you, and it instantly makes you feel at ease.

“Thanks, Harry”

“No problem, love”

As the taxi arrives, you both get in, and he gives the directions. The driver starts to drive, and you can't help but notice the subtle, intoxicating aroma that fills up the car. It's Harry's cologne and it smells so fucking amazing.

You gulp down, and turn towards him. Holding on to the backrest for stability, you grab the hem of his shirt, pulling him in for a kiss.

It is unexpected, but he likes it. He immediately gives in, kissing you back with the same frevor.

Your lips are cold, but the kiss is hot.

You try to shift on the seat, and get on top of him. But, he pulls back and holds you back down.

“Hey, slow down, bunny. We’ll reach home and then I’m all yours”

He pulls your face back, uttering those words in your ear. You feel a bit embarrassed, but a kiss was definitely better than awkward silence during the whole drive.

“I know…it’s just, you’re so hot, Harry” you control yourself from releasing a moan at the end of your sentence, knowing that the driver was probably hearing everythong.

“I know, baby” he smirks, and pushes you back down on the seat, turning your face up front. You are about to frown and pout at that, but suddenly you feel his cold hands between your legs, pushing them apart.

You quickly turn your face, looking into his eyes with urgency. He stares back into yours, and gives you a questioning look. You realize he’s asking for permission, and you silently nod.

His hand spreads your thighs wider, the dress riding up. You pull out is jacket from your back, where it had fallen messily when you had jumped him. You put it over your thighs to cover yourself.

He reaches your panties, and gently pulls the crotch aside. You spread them wider, giving him more access, you are so desperate. His cold hand touches your clit, and you almost moan in pleasure.

“Shh” he whispers near your ear, before continuing the task in his hands.

His fingers find your clit, and he lightly grazes them on it. You swallow down a whimper, and pull your lower lip between your teeth.

His fingers travel downward, finding your labia and pussy lips. Without warning, he spreads them apart, and starts to rub your arousal throughout your folds. You close your thighs around his hand, and look up at him again. He gives you a look of warning, and you spread them open again.

His finger pushes in, feeling intrusion. He retracts it, and slowly starts to rub circles at your clit again. It makes you wetter, and makes it so much more hard to be completely quiet. He gradually increases his pace, feeling more arousal seeping through your folds. Spreading it all around, making a complete mess of your dress and thighs.

You throw your head back, and he pushes one finger in. It goes in with ease, and he starts to finger-fuck you.

You look down at his hands, his sleeves rolled up and prominent veins protruiding up. The said cross earlier is between your thighs, drenched in your wetness, making it more sinful.

You are getting close, the alcohol making your high approach faster. His long fnger hitting your g-spot, making your eyes roll into the back of your head. Your stomach starts to ache, the rush of the approaching orgasm coming faster and faster. You just need a bit more, a little push, just a little bit more and…

“We’re here”

He immediately retracts his hand, and you blink open your eyes, mouth falling open. You take a few moments to realize that you’re in the back of a taxi, and you need to get out soon.

The car comes to a halt, and you pull your dress back down. Pushing your legs closed together, your wet, drenched panties get rolled up messily, making it more uncomfortable.

With Harry’s jacket in your hands, you try to pull yourself out gracefully, but your legs are wobbly, and your cheeks are flushed red.

You look so fucked out.

You stand by the car as Harry pays him, and he leaves.

As soon as he leaves, he puts his left hand into his mouth, licking off the remnants of your arousal.

That bastard.

You hurry behind him, as he walks across the road and opens the gate. He unlocks it, and then another one. Almost 2 minutes, and you’re finally in.

As soon as the door is locked, you throw away the jacket, and climb up on him again. He catches you, and you wrap your legs around his waist. He pulls your dress back up, grabbing the panties harshly and tearing them apart, and pulling them off from between your legs.

If you were not so desperate to get fucked, you would’ve fought him over them. But right now, you are desperate to get fucked by him.

He walks you to his living room, and to the sofa where he puts your down on the armrest. You both start making out again, tongues sliding messily into each other’s mouths. You can taste the rum in his mouth, and his intoxicating smell makes you whimper into his mouth.

“So desperate…” he remarks, and you grab his hair, getting his mouth back on yours.

A few moments later, you both pull back, desperate for some oxygen. Your hairs are disheveled, lipstick smudged. But to Harry, you look so beautiful.

“Y’gonna let me taste you? Have my tongue between those pretty thighs?”

On another day, you would. Spread open your legs and have him eat you out for hours. But right now, you just want to feel him inide you.

“No, I-I want to feel you, Harry. I wanna feel your cock inside me” you stare into his eyes.

“Fuck, you’re so damn hot. Where do you want to have me? Here? In my bedroom?”

“Here. Please?”

“Yeah? Want me to bend you over this couch and fuck that pretty little pussy of yours?”

“Yes, please?”

You look up at him with doe eyes, and he pulls you back down. Grabbing your waist, he quickly flips you over, and pushes you on the couch, so that you are nicely bent over in front of him. He spreads your legs using his, and your drenched pussy comes into view.

He unbuttons his pants, and quickly pulls them down, along with his boxers. He reaches the pocket for a condom, and tears the foil with his teeth.

Using one hand, he rolls it down on himself, and the other goes back between your thighs.

“Fuck, darling, you’re so wet”

He collects you wetness on his fingers, swiping his fingers between your folds. You push your head into the couch, his fingers diving deeper.

“So, so wet. Bet you drenched the car seat too, didn’t you? Dripping all over it. Bet the driver knew too. Your face was so red, cheeks blushed, lips bitten into your mouth. And your eyes, so full of lust and hunger.”

He pushed two fingers in, and started to finger you, while simultaneously stroking his cock. You moan out into the couch, grabbing into the backrest, anything to pull on. He pushes them to the hilt, and stills his movements, gently twisting them so you would feel his cold rings.

“Fuck. Jesus Chrust”

You whimper and moan, his fingers expertly fucking you back to an orgasm. Your legs clamp close around his hand, and you let out a wild shriek of his name, as you cum hard around his two digits.

“Fuck, fuck me”

Your breathing becomes ragged, and you turn your face, so that your cheek is on the sofa. After a few moments of letting you catch your breath, he speaks up.

“You okay, love?”

“Yeah, yes, I’m okay”

“Good. Want me to fuck you?”

“Yes. Yes, Harry please?”

He pulls out his fingers, and you whimper again, feeling empty. But that is gone soon, as you feel his cock line up with your swollen folds.

“Ready, love?”

You nod, and he finally pushes in.

You gasp loudly, his tip pushing its way in. His length follows, and you realize that he is a lot bigger than you had expected.

“Fuck, Harry-I-Fuck”

You curse into the couch, and he gently and slowly pushes his way into your tight cunt. You take in deep breaths, as you adjust to his massive girth spreading you open wide.

“Can I continue?” he asks.

“Yea-yes”

He pulls back, before gently pusing back in, till he is fully in. He repeats the same motion a few times, till you’re fully adjusted to his size.

Your mouth falls open, warm and heavy breaths passing through your mouth. He is going really slow, and it’s for your own good. But, you want it faster.

Harder.

“Harder, Harry-I-I want it harder”

He groans, before pushing back in, but with more fervor. A broken moan falls past your lips, and you gulp down, your mouth going dry.

“Is that good? Or you want it harder?”

“Harder”

“Oh, baby, you have no idea what you just asked for”

He pushes your legs wide, and grabs your hair, holding them in a makeshift ponytail for leverage to plunge himself inside you. You arch your back, and he pushes back in.

This time, there was nothing slow. He was going hard and fast from the beginning, making your legs shake and your eys to roll into the back of your head. You are impossibly wet, your wetness drenching his cock, making it easier to fuck you.

“Such a tight little pussy, fuck”

He curses, his cock fucking you into oblivion. His thrusts are rough and hard, making your toes curl. You feel his hand rest on your bum, and you want him to spank you.

“Har-Harry- I want you to-I-”

“What, baby? You want me to?”

“I want you to spank me-Harry-”

He quickly lifts his hand off, and strikes you with impact, making you moan filthy, and your pussy to clamp down on his cock.

“You liked that?”

“Mhm, yes, more please”

He spanks you again, and establishes a smooth rhythm of spanking you with each thrust inside your sopping wet cunt.

You feel so fucking good, on the cloud nine of pure pleasure. His cock fucking you so good and deep, one hand pulling your hair while the other spanks your bum red, you feel so fucking good.

“Harry-I'm close-” you mutter out, before falling back limp, your pussy clenching desperately around his length.

“I know. baby. Your pussy's getting tighter with each thrust. You gonna cum for me? Cum around my cock?”

“Yes, please, Har-”

You scream out his name, your eyes falling shut as you feel your orgasm take over. Black and white dots dancing behing your closed eyelids, a beautiful kadeidoscope of pleasure. Your legs begin to shake as his cock fucks you though your euphoric high.

After you're done cumming, he doesn't stop, chasing his own high.

“I'm close too, baby. Gonna cum inside this perfect cunt.”

He grabs your waist harshly thrusts, shallowing and slowing down as his orgasm approaches.

“Fuck, Mhm, Jesus-So fucking good, Christ-”

He rambles as his orgasm takes over, and you feel his warm cum inside your pussy, filling up the condom. Your tight cunt milks him off all he has, and he continues to fuck you till he is completely empty.

He stills inside, his cock throbbing and making you close your legs shut, wanting to keep him inside for longer. He catches his breath, gasping for air as he tries to pull out slowly.

“No, don't- I wanna feel you inside for longer”

You manage to say it in one breath, hoping he won't take you to be desperate and needy, even though it is what you were mere minutes ago.

“As you wish, darling” he stills back, holding you and pulling you back up. You both scoot awkwardly, and fall down on the sofa, you on top of him.

You could feel his chest on your back, rising and felling with each breath. You carefully turn around, keeping your legs on either side of his waist, and you face him.

He looks so beautiful, his post-orgasm face making you feel so warm and giddy. You lean down, and sweetly kiss him on his pink lips.

There’s comfortable silence between you two, the post-orgasmic glow taking over and making you feel so good and droopy.

“That was-really really good. Like, the best I've had in a long time.” you blush while admitting that, and he holds you close, making you feel safe.

“Glad you liked it. It was incredible for me too”

You both smile fondly, feeling so much connected in that moment.

“You okay? Want something to eat? Water?”

“Yeah, but afterwards. Wanna hold you for a while.”

“Sure, baby. You can hold me for as long as you like.” you grip your arms around him tightly, not wanting to let go.

>>>

i hope you like this! please don't hate me

here's my ko-fi if you feel generous

requests and feedback is welcome and much appreciated!!

>>>

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[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Happy Easter: Dysfuctional Family

Charlie: (blowing a kazoo through the hotel while wearing white bunny ears and tail, carrying an Easter basket, and throwing bright colored and decorated eggs everywhere)

HAPPY EASTER, EVERYONE!!!

Hazbins: (groan collectively)

Vaggie: (slightly distracted by the tail) Hun, love the enthusiasm, but do you even know the purpose of Easter Sunday is?

Charlie: (cracks open a Cadbury egg and siphons out the innards with her tongue) Isn't it just an excuse to binge on chocolate and snuggle fluffy little bunnies and ducklings?

Angel: (clutches his pearls in ex-Catholic Italian horror) Mama Mia!

Lucifer: *Squeeeeee!* I'll be right back!

Vaggie: I guess that's a more corporate way to put it.

Angel: That's IT!!! I'm making my Mama's Italian Easter Bread! Charlie, you need to be schooled on Easter!

Alastor: Hmmm... I suppose if we're doing a full celebration, I can do a little something to liven things up. (Snaps his fingers, and everyone's clothes are transformed into various colored Bunny footie pajamas)

Charlie: (wearing hot pink bunny jammies and twirls) Oooooh! These are so cuuuute!

Vaggie: (in pastel lavender pajamas and snarling) Cabron!

Angel: (sneaky smirk as he wears a pastel pink and white two-piece pajama suit) Oh, Smiiiiiiles?

Alastor: (simply wearing red bunny ears) No.

Angel: C'mon! Hear me out! (Whispers in Alastor's ear)

Alastor: Hmmmmm.... I'll allow it! (Snaps his fingers again)

Vaggie: (baggy bunny jammies suddenly transform into a black and velvet purple, Las Vegas Showgirl bunny suit with white tail and ears, fishnets, and heels with purple wrist cuffs)

Angel: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! LOOKING GOOD, VAGS!!!!

Vaggie: (growls and tries to cover herself) FUCKING-A, ANGEL!!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU TELL HIM?!?!?!

Angel: Does it matter? I don't have a soul to sell. (Sees Charlie) Ha! Might wanna focus on your girlfriend, Toots.

Vaggie: What? (Looks at Charlie)

Charlie: (blushing, heart eyes, panting like a puppy, and her pajamas turned into a similar Showgirl suit but red with fox ears and tail)

Vaggie: Ch-Charlie? Charlie! No. No! Charlotte Morningstar, we are in front of guests! Shit! (Runs down the hallway)

Charlie: (hearts explode around her head) Hippity-Hoppity, that ass is my property! (Gives chase)

...........

Vaggie: (rounds back around the corner while carrying Charlie bridal style) Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Lucifer: (rides in on a tidal wave of fluff infused rubber duckies while wearing yellow ducky footie pajamas with orange webbed feet) RELEASE THE QUACKEN!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Alastor: (sighs in aroace exhaustion as a random rubber duck bounces off his head)

Angel: (slowly calming down as he wipes a tear from his eye) It's just like home~

[blackbirdi]

Harry Potter Incorrect Quotes #2

~~~~~~~~~~

Harry: So how’d you guys manage to crash the car last night?

Hermione: Ron wasn’t paying attention to the road, and there was a deer. So I shouted, “RON, DEER!”

Ron:

Hermione: Go on. Tell him what you said.

Ron: … “Yes, honey?”

*Cue Harry dying*

———————————

George: *Whispering so they don’t get caught out of bed by Filch* What time is it?

Fred: *Screams loudly*

Snape: WHO THE FUCK IS SCREAMING AT TWO IN THE MORNING!?

Fred: There you go.

———————————

Hermione: *Showing Mr. Weasley how to use muggle technology* There you go. Your laptop is all set up.

Mr. Weasley: Will it get heavier if I put more files in it?

Hermione: What?

Mr. Weasley: Like, if I download files will it weigh more?

Hermione:

———————————

*The girls decorating the Christmas tree*

Hermione: Does anyone know where the angel is?

Ginny: *Pointing at Luna* Found it!

———————————

Mrs. Weasley: When I said bring me something back from Hogwarts I meant something you bought at Hogsmeade.

The Twins: *Struggling to contain a Bludger* Well you didn’t specify that!

———————————

Neville Longbottom: So how’d you know Harry was the one?

Ginny: *Dreamily* He looked at me the way every woman wants to be looked at…

Neville: Awww.

Ginny: With fear in his eyes.

Neville:

Hermione: Awwwww.

———————————

Ron: Did it hurt when you fell from the vending machine? Cause you’re a whole snack.

Hermione: Are you silence? Because you make me speechless.

Ginny: Who do you think is going to make this dirty first?

Harry: Turn this dirty? Neither of them, Gin, they’re too cute for one another.

Ron: Are you my pinky toe? Cause I’m gonna bang you against every piece of furniture I own.

Hermione:

Harry:

Ginny:

Harry: I take back my previous statement.

———————————

*After watching Frosty the Snowman*

Ron: What did Frosty the Snowman do other than come to life, do a little dance, and die?

Harry: Isn’t that what we all do, really?

———————————

Ron: You played me like a fiddle!

Fred: Oh no, Ronniekins. Fiddles are actually very difficult to play.

George: We played you like the cheap kazoo you are.

———————————

Ron: *Walking into the living room to complain* Mum! There’s no more snacks in the kitchen!

Ginny: *From the kitchen* But I’m literally right here!

Ron: *Frustrated groan*

———————————

The Twins: We can assure you, our place of business is extremely safe.

Ron: *Looking up at the ceiling* The smoke detector is a white bowl with a red M&M taped to it…

[kazumist]

EPISODE 9 ♡ ENJOY THE DATE, FUCKERS!

HOW YOU GET THE GIRL — A SCARAMOUCHE SMAU

masterlist / prev ep / next ep

it wasn’t hard for kunikuzushi to spot you. after all, his attention automatically focuses on you no matter where he is.

“hey,” he nonchalantly said as he approached you.

“where’s kazuha?” you asked him.

“he said he forgot that he had an important errand to run, so he ended up passing for today.”

“what about the others?”

“not sure; ask them," he replies.

awkward silence.

“uhm. thanks for the mcdonald’s last night," you quietly said. if kunikuzushi had focused his attention on something else (which technically never happens when he’s with you, no matter how much he denies it), he probably would’ve missed it.

“did you eat the mcflurry yet? if not, then i might ask for a bit," he chuckles.

“well…” you trailed off.

“did you eat everything already?” he asked, surprised.

“i was upset, okay!” you said out of defense.

after a bit more small talk, you suddenly feel your phone vibrate right after your notification sound rings. it was a message to your group chat sent by yanfei and the others. what was the message you may ask? 

sorry, (name) :’) we all decided to head to kazuha’s place instead. along with an attached group picture of the four of them.

it was also followed by an enjoy the date, fuckers! message sent by lyney.

a sigh escapes your lips as you put down your phone. no wonder they were taking so long to arrive.

“well, it seems like the others ditched us. where do we go now?” you asked.

“hmm, we can just stay here if you’d like.”

-

okay, well, maybe hanging out with your ex again isn’t as bad as others would make it seem.

because in truth, things are going very well for both you and kunikuzushi so far! you two talked about random things while sitting on a random park bench, laughed when a kid got hurt in the small playground era (you didn’t want to laugh, but kuni snickered first), and it was as if things didn’t change.

“you had something to do with the others not being here, right?” you accused him all of the sudden. “huh? no, i didn’t.” he raises his hands up as he defends himself.

“oh, really now? how about we ask them?" just as you were about to whip your phone out, he stopped you. “wait, fuck. okay, yeah, i did have something to do with it.” kunikuzushi looked down as he admitted it. deciding to tease him, you replied, “what was that? i couldn’t hear you.”

he groans at your actions. “i said yeah, i had something to do with it. i was worried last night, and that’s why i’m making it up to you now.”

“why didn’t you just tell me yourself?” you asked.

“i thought you wouldn’t go if i did so.”

“hey! i’m not that mean.”

“are you sure about tha—ow!”

if others were to judge the two of you right now, they would think that you two are here at the park together as a couple with the amount of subtle touches, genuine smiles, and heartfelt laughter from the both of you.

then again, if you think about it, nothing really changed between the two of you. everything is still the same, and everything is almost just like it was before, except for the label that would define all of the lingering feelings you and kunikuzushi have left for one another.

taglist (open): @yinyinggie @blue-b3rries @ryuryuryuyurboat @your-local-reblogging-kazoo @lilikags @haliyamori @diorlumx @mamafly @zuunotsane @iloveosamuu @featuredtofu @kana-de @xiaoderrrr @f1orent1ne @alhaitie @yelleloww @brain-r0tt @jamieexistss @danfelions @e0nssadrift @lovemari @kunikissr @chluuvr @lazy-sanns @lxkeeeee @swivy123 @sketcheeee @quacking-simp @tiredslepz @vxcmx @kichiy0shi @yingofthemoon @feiherp @sicut-sol @mayuumine @xiaosoneandonly @xtobefreex @bananasquash @im-the-ruler-here @hiraethhv @yumiaur @oughhhhmamamia @beriiov

[nanamatox3]

a new blog! Can i ask for headcanons for the jjk men saying "i love you" but you not saying it back? Thank you!

Of course! And welcome~ 🤗

Yuji itadori

He is just about to leave when he tells you "love you babe! I'm going now!"

And you just answer with a "mhmm, bye "

He pauses

"Babe."

"Yes? What's wrong"

He walks back to you and takes your face in his hands "i love you!"

You really have to try not to laugh, hes like a lil puppy waiting for praise

"Uh-huh, you're going to be late yuji"

Hes annoyed now "well, im not leaving until you say it back! So say it back pleaseee!"

Megumi Fushiguro:

Please dont do this to poor Megumi, hes gonna overthink this so bad

Did he do or say something for you not wanting to say it back? Didnt you hear him?

Snaps out of it when you say his name

Poor Megumi TELL HIM NOTHING IS WRONG AND THAT IT WAS A JOKE 😭

Will hug you and be like "ok, now say it back.............................please"

Yuta Okkotsu:

I think he wouldn't notice right away

He happily opens the door about to leave when he gets this feeling like 'wait a minute' (everytime i read, hear or say it i think about the kazoo kid, am i the only one? 😂😂 ok ,ok sorry BACK TO YUTA)

He'll also think he did something

"Love?" "yes?" "did i do something?"

Poor boys hands are so clammy

You just cant take it because hes too cute so you tell him it was a joke

Hes so relieved!!

Gojo satoru:

Now we all know how dramatic he can be

"I love you~" "mhm" .....blink

How.....HOW DARE YOU NOT SAY IT BACK!!!!

shocked pikachu face

Hes going to move closer to you "i love you." blink, blink "i know, babe"......oh okay so you're playing games...

This means he will become even more obnoxious about it "iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou......" "OKAY I KNOW, YOURE GOING TO BE LATE IDIOT!"

Gasp did you also on top of not saying 'i love you' back, say that he was an idiot?!

"Okay. ...I'm leaving.....no sexy time for you later hmpf"

Wait...

"Noooo i was joking!! Satoru wait! I said it was a..........aw man :("

Yep no sexy time....better think of a good way to apologize.... (Wink winkkkk ;) you know wink~ he said no but can he really say no? )

Geto Suguru:

He notices right away

But still wears his smile " darling? Did i do something to upset you? "

You look at him acting confused "mh? No nothing is wrong but if you dont hurry you're going to be late sugu"

"Okay then...i love you" "see you later sugu"

Turns around because that are not the words he wants to hear

"Darling~"

Its sounds so sweet but you know better than to keep teasing "say it back."

"I love you"

"Good girl :)"

Nanami Kento:

Now he will be a bit confused but hes an adult so hell just go to work

But on his way home he is thinking about where he fucked up

But he can think of anything....

Frustrated he'll ask you "what is it?"

"I dont know what you mean?"

"Y/N....."

You place your hand on his cheek and smile at him " i love you kento"

Ok now hes blushing what a sweetie

Hope you'll like Them if you want a part 2 lemme know babes~💓

[calliesmemes]

IN-CHARACTER QUOTES FROM DISCORD

UNHINGED SENTENCE STARTERS FEATURING THINGS SAID BY MYSELF AND MY FRIENDS WHILE WRITING AS OUR MUSES IN A CRACK-BASED NONCANON GROUP CHAT. This post is dedicated to Em, Liz, Tanny, Nellie, Mel, Ange, and everyone else in the server who recognizes these quotes — you know who you are 😈

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   Have you forgotten that you should not steal someone’s property? ”

“   I could slap that smug look off his face right now! ”

“   Your ears are a lie. ”

“   Woah woah that's - that's a bad word. ”

“   I don’t know if it’s allowed and quite frankly I don’t care. Fuck the rules. ”

“   Time for gremlin activities! ”

“   I hate this man. Let's prank him. ”

“   We are all going on strike today I swear ”

“   Looks like I need to invest in a kid leash. ”

“   DONT BE COWARDS!! JOIN THE STRIKE!! ”

“   I support her saying what needs to be said! I am done with the silencing of women!!!! ”

“   I like the dramatics. ”

“   I did not ask for a second opinion. ”

“   You seem to be doing a great job at being a nuisance. ”

“   NO BITING MY EMPLOYEES! ”

“   do you want me to bring you cheese? ”

“   Next move, start chewing on the door frames ”

“   I like crumbs. They are like a little midnight snack in my bed at night. ”

“   if he wants to be a worm, LET HIM BE A WORM ”

“   the rest of you suck my toe ”

“   To be fair I am simply vibing. ”

“   I am going to commit a war crime! ”

“   I am manifesting being happy. ”

“   Am I gonna talk shit WITH you guys? because im down to talk shit about pretty much anyone ”

“   Who says? We shall revolt without question. ”

“   Let's just start burning stuff. ”

“   Did you just call me... small? ”

“   Can I convert you with my kazoo propaganda? ”

“   We were radicalised by The Little Mermaid. ”

“   Penny in the swear jar, now. ”

“   My last words are, bros before hoes. ”

“   The old men are trying to be trendy. ”

“   I can do whatever I want too! ”

“   Can we go one day without an interruption from an American? ”

“   I am so sorry. He enjoys conflict. ”

“   Why is he so tall? ”

“   For legal reasons, kids, that's a joke. ”

“   Would you like to fight the adults? ”

“   You're not meant to bite people, it's frowned upon. ”

“   He’s a fun killer, don't listen to him! ”

“   Ow! Stop kicking me! ”

“   I have quite literally begged you not to kick, hit, or bite today. ”

“   BUT I thought we were buds, pals, amigos, chums, friends. ”

“   Oh shiiiii someone’s in trouble ”

“   How much caffeine have you had in the last hour? ”

“   I'll be honest they wouldn't be so bad if they didn't speak. ”

“   Is this goof meant to be dead or what? ”

“   I am a witch. ”

“   This one reeks of self confidence when he clearly doesn't think before opening his mouth. ”

“  I call bullshit on that rule! ”

“   The point is I have a cane and I’m not afraid to use it. ”

“   If you slap me, I’ll cane you. ”

“   Yippee for women. ”

“   FUCK THE PATRIARCHY ”

“   Sorry for being British. ”

“   Oi who's playing that ominous music? ”

“   I'm strong because I eat carrots. Oh wait or is that to see in the dark.... it's for something. ”

“   I will say sorry when i'm caught, don't you worry. ”

“   AND YOU CALLED ME UP AGAIN JUST TO BREAK ME LIKE A PROMISE! ”

“   ... He's done for. Broken beyond repair. Someone play Taylor Swift. ”

“   Please refrain from punching one another. ”

“   He is becoming one with the spider I believe. ”

“   If anybody asks I will say I made you, then you will not get in trouble! ”

“   Can I be a girlboss too? I am not rude to women and I do what i like ”

“   Yippee for patriotism! ”

“   … i could make you guys rat costumes ”

“   Do you think if we started stealing bread we would lose our jobs? ”

“   why do British people ”

“   … you all need therapy. ”

“   Do you ever feel if you breathe the wrong way he will bite you? ”

“   I actively avoid whatever this is. ”

“   CARRY ME. ”

“   What if, and hear me out, they both promise not to do it again? ”

“   I wanna steal all his socks. ”

“   My socks were stolen! ”

“   Hey, watch it now. Only I'm allowed to insult me. ”

“   You couldn’t whisper to save your life. It’s pitiful. ”

“   Both of you are insufferable. ”

“   The law is overrated. ”

“   I’m afraid. Miss, you aren’t my type. ”

“   No. I swear on my life. I am being a gentleman ”

“   I support women’s wrongs. ”

“   ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE!!! ”

“   GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW ”

“   He bites? Are you .. joking? Please say you're joking. ”

“   If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain ifyou're not into yoga if you have half a brain if you like makin' love at midnight in the dunes on the cape then I'm the love that you've looked for write to me and escape 🎶🎶 ”

[madelynraemunson]

Bonus scene 𓆩♡𓆪

from the CALL ME WHAT YOU WANT universe (18+)

strip club owner!eddie x fem!exotic dancer!hargrove!reader

timeline: 015, THIS SCENE, 016** | ** = smut

Eddie has an important question to ask you on your birthday.

contains: fluff, physical touch, flirting, loverboy!eddie, romantic eddie, implied history of abuse from billy

wc: 1k words

*play this while you read to really be immersed in st nostalgia* 🥹 (if you want)

♡

“Oh no,” you breathe.

Everything starts to make more sense when you see Steve waiting for you at Hellfire’s doors. He’s got the smuggest look on his face. You quickly try to turn and run the other way, already embarrassed. But the former Star Athlete is faster, immediately lunging at you to drag you into the club.

“Nope!” Harrington protests.

“Steve-” you begin.

“No no no no,” he shakes his head. “Where do you think you’re going, young lady?”

They’re all gonna see you like this. You hate to admit it, but you had just spent your entire commute crying — evident by your raccoon eyes — because you thought everyone (except for Billy) had forgotten your birthday.

Robin and Vicky were already out of the house by the time you woke up. Max, you assumed, got a ride from Steve to their new barista job. Chrissy turned down a pre-shift ‘Hot Girl Walk’, and Eddie never called. It was starting to feel like the most Adult birthday ever, but by a long shot not the worst.

“Put me down!” you persist.

Birthdays suck. Especially when you share one with your abuser. But you’re in a new era now. An era where you are loved, celebrated, and protected.

“SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHY GIRL!”

You’re bombarded by obnoxious kazoos and party hats, streamers and confetti in all shapes and colors, and what looks like a homemade birthday cake in Jane (Mike’s girlfriend)’s hands, decorated with funky, florescent candles, and crafty red hearts that overpowered every inch of the thick white fondant.

“Oh my god,” you beam.

Max, Robin and Vicky. Chrissy, Argyle, Nancy, Jonathan, and Henry. Will, Lucas, Dustin, Mike, Jane, and Erica who also just had a birthday (she turned 18 last week). Steve. Gareth, Jeff, and Grant. All the faces you’ve grown to know and love since moving to Hawkins, all together in one room to celebrate YOU.

“We were trying so hard to keep this a secret,” Steve explains as he gives you a hug. “I’d say we did a pretty good job.”

“Yeah sorry we couldn’t get a better location,” Mike adds. “Chuck E Cheese was fully booked so Hellfire was the next best thing.”

“You guyssss,” you begin to sob. “This is oddly perfect. Thank you.”

“Well,” Jane says. She holds the cake up to your face. “There's no sense in waiting any longer. Make a wish!”

You close your eyes. I wish for life to always be this peaceful.

And when you open your eyes, you see Eddie in front of you, with a beautiful rose bouquet and a bag in his hands.

“Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

His eyes are twinkling like a kid who woke up early on Christmas morning. You greet him with a warm hug to which he uses that opportunity to affectionately rub your back. You hear some soft “aww”s in the background, but you’re too infatuated with the man in front of you to jokingly scorn at whoever said it.

“How’d you know it was my birthday?” you ask him.

“You can find out lot of stuff from paperwork,” Eddie winks at you. “Specifically your resume. Which, might I say, is very impressive.”

“Why, thank you, sir,” you giggle.

You can tell the sir made Eddie’s stomach do somersaults. Completely blushing now, he hands you your gift in the form of a bag, ushering you to open it — right here — in front of everybody.

"You didn't have to..." you mutter quietly.

You take the bag from him.

"Yet… I did," Eddie spews confidently. He watches as you unwrap your gift. “I’d get you strippers but then it’d feel like work. And your bday should never feel like work.”

You nudge him as you roll your eyes. Such a fucking cornball.

But then you become the cornball. A tear begins to form in your eyes when you look at all your gifts. The roses. A custom metalhead Build-A-Bear with a leather jacket and jeans whose certificate reads “Eddie Bear”, and a gold plated charm bracelet from Everlasting Memories with your name engraved on it. But just when you think you had everything, Eddie scoops up the last one from the bottom. It’s a small wooden sign with a message on it.

CAN I BE YOUR BOYFRIEND?

“Oh my god…” is all you can say.

His voice is as gentle as the fingers he uses to patiently graze your arm. "So can I?"

The tear that formed in your eye finally trickles its way down your rosy red cheeks. "Of course you can."

Then you two share a kiss, eliciting an even louder swarm of “aww”s than the ones before, and generating a reaction from nearby, a very curious dancers.

“I hope you know how special you are to each and every one of us,” Eddie says to you. “Especially me, haha.”

You wipe the happy tears away from your eyes.

“It sure feels like it.”

Eddie gives you the day off and you use it to stuff your face and play board games with all your friends. Eventually after the short festivities you stay behind to chill with everyone for a bit. Then you go your own way to start making dinner, which you insisted on, at home.

When you get home, you’re surprised with another text message from Billy.

Billy Hargrove

I’d say the move has helped us a lot. I have room to miss you 🤣

You smile as you answer back.

To be better days ❤️ Happy birthday, brother. I miss you tons.

Billy Hargrove loved “To better days ❤️ Happy birthday, brother. I miss you tons.”

After your convo with Billy, you make your way over to the freezer to grab and defrost the chicken. Tonight’s menu consists of chicken, greens, and potatoes for dinner, followed by some birthday muffins Bob Newby had his bakers make at his coffee shop (courtesy of Max and Steve) for dessert.

Next, you begin to set the table, making sure to make seven settings for tonight: you, Max, Robin, Vicky, one for Eddie, and one for Wayne.

And when you’re finally done, you take a look around your house that you have made a home with your sister and best friends. You’re finally home. Hawkins is home. And for the first time in a really long time, you can truly say you’ve had… a happy birthday.

🏷️ tag list: @chrrymunson , @the-fairy-anon , @ali-r3n , @corrodedcoffincumslut , @bebe07011 , @mmunson86 , @eddiesguitarskills , @chelebelletx , @imonhereforareasonsadly , @eddies-trailer-babe @hideoutside , @motherfckerr , @jxpsi , @lindseyj23, @sidthedollface2 , @manda-panda-monium , @elvendria , @micheledawn1975 , @hereforshmut , @siriuslysmoking , @nymphetkoo , @m-chmcl-rmnc , @justinelittlewoodsworld , @ahoyyharrington , @keepittoyourselftellnobodyelse @kellyxo1 @emsgoodthinkin @winchester-angel @chloe-6123 , @redbarn1995 @angietherose @kiyastrf94 , @purplewitchcauldron @kellsck @joyfulfxckery @munsons-mayhem28 @dragonfire @emma77645 @drivelikenina @livosssblog @thinkingth0ts @hugdealer @ellielunamckay

[hopefulromances]

can you do “You are my home.” with jamie and female reader please?

When Jamie came home from Amsterdam, he felt different. He felt lighter. Like he had been given a shot of happiness while he was across the way. Which was odd given how badly they'd lost in the friendly match.

But he woke up more energized, he came home more energized, he was excited to see the next day again. You ran around the house, decorating and setting up your surprise for him. He'd told you about getting called up to the English international team just that morning, telling you he didn't want to make a big deal about it. But knowing him he was actually very excited about it.

You heard the key in the lock and ran over to grab your kazoo. Who didn't love a party kazoo.

"(Y/N)? 'm home!" Jamie called as he opened the door.

"In here, babe!" You called back, trying to hide the excitement in your voice.

"Look, (Y/N), today was fuckin' mental," Jamie started as he began walking towards the kitchen. "Dany went totally crazy on Van Damme, like Led Tasso type-"

"SURPRISE!" You shouted as he walked in.

You jumped up and blew your kazoo, showing off the cake and big sign that said "GO ENGLAND" on it.

"Woah!" Jamie's eyes widened as he took it all in. "What's all this!"

You ran up and threw your hands around Jamie's neck. "I am so fucking proud of you is what this is!" You kissed him. "And you deserve to celebrate and be happy about it." You kissed him, again.

Jamie caught you in his arms and hummed into the kiss.

"Well, if this is how we celebrate then I'm all in," he murmured against your lips. He stared down at you, rocking back and forth slightly. Then he opened his mouth hesitantly. "You should... you should come with me."

Huh. That was an odd request. You and Jamie had been keeping things private between the two of you. Hadn't gone out in public together, hadn't posted on social media, you hadn't even gone to games, lest someone put two and two together. So, Jamie asking you to come with him was certainly odd.

You pulled away, slighly, keeping your arms around him loosely.

"A-are you sure?" You didn't want to push him. You didn't want him to regret being with you when people started saying he deserved better. Which he did.

"Course I'm sure." He nodded, pullng you back towards him. "You're my home. You're my person. You're... you're everything to me and I want everyone to know."

You were caught off guard by how sincere he was. Usually he struggled to say exactly how he felt. But recently, he'd been a lot more eloquent. You were so goddamn freaking proud of him.

You pulled him down to slam your lips against his. Passionate as sin and as heated as the first time you'd kissed him. Jamie pulled back faster than your expected.

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes, you idiot."

[gabriel-xander]

I Wish You Died Instead Ch. 5

[Scaramouce x Fem!Reader]

A/N: I started writing this before all of his lore came out/Before the last Sumeru Archon quest, so there will be a handful of inconsistency later on. My advice to you? Just go with it!

{Also on Quotev, Ao3, and Wattpad under Gabriel Xander}

Chapter 5: Played Like The Cheap Kazoo You Are

One thing you can appreciate about Scaramouche is his guts. That man has nerves of steel like you wouldn't believe. And in an act of mercy, you were allowed to look away during his massacre.

"Help me gather them up."

".................I don't want to-"

"-HUH!?"

"My Lord, with all due respect..." You grimace with judgement as he hauls the bloody boar over his shoulder with ease, "That's really fucking gross."

"Quit your bitching. I already did you the favor of not helping me kill these things," Scaramouche frowns, "I order you to help me carry these back to the camp."

You roll your eyes before grabbing the other dead boar by the legs, swinging it over your shoulder.

"It's a Goddamn miracle that I haven't beaten the shit out of you yet," The Harbinger comments while you whine about the blood.

You deadpan, "I must be blessed."

It was the next morning of staying with Isaac, Ivan, and Noah, the Treasure Hoarders that had been so kind to allow you and Scaramouche to stay with them.

Noah was a person of interest; he was one the Treasure Hoarder's that was responsible for your misfortune. He didn't seem to recognize you both as Fatui, hopefully it stays that way for a while longer. You two are hoping that bringing them food and furs would get them to trust you a little more.

You wince in pain and stop walking for a moment, breathing through your nose to calm your nerves. Your injury still hurts, you haven't gotten the opportunity to properly heal yourself yet.

"What's the matter with you?" Scaramouche turns around when he notices you stopped.

"Nothing, My Lord," You sigh, starting your walk once more, "Just wondering how we'll learn anything from Noah."

He frowns, "Any ideas?"

"I don't know, I thought... He showed, like... a fraction of interest in me, I thought I could use, like... my woman-ness on him?"

"...Your what??"

"My womanly charms! I don't know! Seduce him or whatever!"

"..." Scaramouche squints at you with disbelief, "You want to whore yourself out to get some intel?"

You scoff, "Well, when you say it like that-"

"-No, you're not doing that," Scaramouche protested, "Anyway, you can't do that even if you wanted to. I told him you were my girlfriend."

Oh, right.

You sigh, "And I thought I would be able to forget about it easily."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

You shake your head, "Nothing, forget it. I don't really have any ideas, anyway."

You adjust your hold on the dead animal as you two walk in angry silence. Not a day goes by that you wish you were literally anywhere else but here. Hopefully Scaramouche had a plan, you honestly didn't know where to go from here.

"You might have to whore out." He says suddenly.

"Ah, so like a normal day then."

"......What?"

"I'm joking."

You were not.

"I liked it better when you didn't talk," The Balladeer huffs.

"Honestly, me too."

——

You and your superior had to stay another night with the Treasure Hoarders as the storm came back that evening. Luckily, you were all able to relocate to a small cave nearby before it got too bad. That also meant you did most of the heavy lifting as you're a strong, independent woman who don't need no man.

Scaramouche sat close by the fire to make sure it didn't die, and to try and eavesdrop on Isaac, Ivan, and Noah. You sat by the fire as well, but you were more focused on the letter you were writing to your best friend, Kazuki.

Which is fucking stupid, Nao!! It literally means Pants! The Tsaritsa is epic and all, don't get me wrong. But fucking Pantalone??? She couldn't give him a better title?? This has been bothering me forever and I need to say it if no one else will!!

With that said, yes. I DO want to wear a suit when we go see your sister in Sumeru soon. We should totally match, too. Maybe she'll think we're together and finally leave you alone about you being a lonely fuck.

Speaking of which, you know what Lord Scaramouche did?? The audacity of some bitches, I swear to the Gods-

"[Y/n]."

"Hm?" You lift your head, making eye contact with Scaramouche who was across from you, "Yes, Kuni?"

He scrunches his nose, "Kuni?"

You look around, finally noticing that it was just you and him. "Oh, damn. Where did they go?"

"Gods, you're such an airhead."

You smack your lips at his comment, "Did you need something, Kunikuzushi?"

He rolls his eyes, "They left so I can attend to your wound. Get over here so I can clean it."

You sigh, setting down your paper and pencil while making sure it won't suddenly fly into the fire. It would be too inconvenient to rewrite it all. You start removing your coat and shirt as you walk around the fire to sit by Scaramouche.

He works silently and efficiently. You've never seen this man bleed or bruise before, and his body is a little abnormally solid. You doubt he's ever taken an injury based on his seemingly perfect skin.

And yet... You've never once had a wound so gently attended to the way Scaramouche is doing now.

"What were you writing? A report?" He asks, confusing you as he hates small talk.

"Uh, a report on my feelings and emotions, yeah."

"You keep a diary?"

"Ew, no," You quickly reject the notion, "I'm writing to Kazuki. He works under Lord Ch-erm, Lord Tartaglia."

"You should keep your work life and personal life separate."

"You're the one who asked, sir."

"Whatever."

You had to bite your tongue as he cleaned your injury. The pain was bearable, but you were also a little bitch that likes to whine at any minor inconvenience. You hate the silence, and you wish you can at least hum to yourself, no matter if you're good at singing or not, but you know damn well that you already showed too much personality to this bitch ass man.

"Hey!!"

"The fuck?!"

You jerk around to glare at your boss with a flustered expression, "Can you not do that?!"

Scaramouche holds his hands up in confusion, "The hell are you talking about?!"

"You-When you just–" You mimic his previous action with your hands mid-air, moving your hands slowly in a similar silhouette of your own figure, "–The way you ran your hands up and down my sides! It-It was way too gentle!!"

By the look on his face, you can tell that even Scaramouche wasn't aware that he was doing it. He must've been lost in thought and did it subconsciously.

"I-I-"

"-Some people are ticklish, okay!!" You huff out in frustration, "Next time you do something like that, keep that in mind!"

"..."

"..."

You can practically see the cogs turn in his head. You raise an eyebrow.

That... is not what he thought you were upset about. Whether you were saving him from the embarrassment of being caught admiring how nice your skin is, or you genuinely thought he did it by accident, he didn't know.

And frankly? He didn't have the guts to find out the truth.

"Uh, okay. I'll–keep that in mind..."

You nod in satisfaction. You look down at your side, poking at the gauze taped over your wound.

"You're done, right? Thanks!"

You stand up and reach over to grab your shirt when the Universe decides it wants to mess with you just a little more. Isaac, Ivan, and Noah enter the tent laughing with each other, though they quiet down when they see you without your shirt and only your arm covering your titties.

You all stare at each other in silence, the three men becoming more red and flustered the longer they stare, and Scaramouche gains an unreadable expression. Your gaze flickers to him, trying to remind him that "hey, you're supposed to be my boyfriend, probably do something?"

Reading what you had in mind, finally the Balladeer catches on and stands up with a pissed off look.

"THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!?! GET OUT!!"

"SORRY!!!"

———— Two Months Later ————

You slam the empty shot glass down on the counter, your gaze mindlessly wandering off to nothing in particular as you try desperately to forget the things you've seen today.

Scaramouche is not known for his patience, and out of all the Harbingers, he's definitely the least likable. But there's something you didn't think you'd ever take for granted, and that was his strange consideration for your feelings when it comes to-

"Cheer up, [L/n]. It wasn't that bad."

You roll your eyes and motion for the bartender to come over. "Easy for you to say. Some of us have morals and values, especially when it comes to human lives."

The bartender pours you your fourth shot of the night, you're finally beginning to feel a little tipsy from drinking straight Fire Water. You knock it back like a champ and semi-slam the glass back down.

"Ouch, is that judgment I hear?"

You look at your temporary comrade with a deadpan look, "What do you think, Soto?"

He laughs at your words, not feeling perturbed at all.

Amatista Soto, a man born and raised in Natlan only to somehow get involved with the Fatui. You don't know his story, other than the fact he has a Pyro vision and is most likely a fucking sociopath. You don't doubt that the only reason he joined the Fatui was so that he could kill people under the protection of the Fatui and the Tsaritsa.

His skin is medium brown with a beauty mark under his right eye. His very wavy hair was always tied back in a low ponytail, but that didn't make it look neater. He always wore an Iris flower behind his right ear, too. You have to admit that it brought out his vibrant eyes, the color of amethyst. That's probably how he was named, too.

You hated that he was attractive with a tall, large build. Made you hate him even more because how are you going to be a hot motherfucker who's so evil-

Under orders of Pierro, Scaramouche was sent somewhere unknown. You tried asking the Balladeer of his soon-to-be whereabouts, but all he did was shake his head in response. In the meantime, he ordered you to assist any other Harbinger so that your skill isn't wasted while you wait for him to come back.

——

"And... when WILL you be back, sir?" You had asked the day he left, accidentally showing concern.

Scaramouche sighed and shook his head, "I don't know. But... My advice is: don't wait for me. I could be gone for a VERY long time."

"Oh... O-Okay," You nodded, "Good luck, sir. And be careful."

He smirked, "You almost sound like someone who cares. Don't let me catch you getting soft again, [L/n]."

"Hmph! In your dreams."

——

After dealing with Noah and the other Treasure Hoarders (a memory you desperately are trying to forget due to how it ended), you started working under various Harbingers (minus Childe since he was still in Liyue).

Well, every Harbinger other than Dottore, though. You don't understand Scaramouche's resentment to the second Harbinger, but you don't question his demands as he is your superior.

Currently, you are working under the Knave, or at least, you think you are? You haven't been given direct orders from her yet, and the most you have done for her so far is fucking paper work.

"I'm going back to the Zapolyarny Palace," You sigh, pushing yourself off the stool, "Then I'm going to pass the fuck out."

"Have a good night!" "Bah."

———— Two Months Later ————

You wait patiently by the door for La Signora to be finished talking with Pantalone about some fundings, Il Dottore was with them, too. You were about to head off to Fontaine with Arlecchino, but she tells you there's a sudden change of plans, and that she was handing you off to the Fair Lady.

You were so lucky that your mask was hiding your deadpan expression. You asked her why you were suddenly being handed off to the 8th Harbinger, but Arlecchino just dismisses you with "she needs a new assistant since her last one died in Mondstadt."

...

HOW REASSURING!!

You were zoning out, a skill you learned in the Fatui so that you can be oblivious to the Harbinger's business. Unless it involves you directly, you don't want to know what their personal goals are.

You start to gnaw at your bottom lip. You are curious about this "Traveler" you keep hearing about, though. Apparently, La Signora has had an encounter with this blond haired person and their flying fairy while snatching the Gnosis from poor Barbatos. Barbatos... Barbie toes... Barbs... Barbara...

"Are you deaf?"

"Huh?"

You blink rapidly and look at who's talking to you.

La Signora, Pantalone, and Il Dottore were just staring at you now. Pantalone and the Doctor looked amused at your obliviousness. La Signora? Not so much.

"Oh, my apologies. I was lost in thought," You hold up the small stack of papers, "Here is the proper documentation on my temporary recruitment. I look forward to working with you, my Fair Lady."

"Hmph," The 8th Harbinger doesn't bother with the papers even though she requested them, "The Balladeer spoke highly of your abilities despite not having a Vision or a Delusion. So tell me, what exactly is it about you that is so praise worthy?"

"I was surprised as well to hear how high he puts you in regards. I never heard of a Harbinger having this much trust in anyone, even more so in a low ranking Fatui," Pantalone comments, "Then we hear from the Knave that you are quite competent, even in her standards?"

"It is hard not to be curious." Il Dottore adds.

"To be frank, I am just his secretary more than anything else. I take care of all his paperwork, I'm his messenger, I'm the commander of his Skirmishers, and I give orders to the lower ranks on his behalf." You shake your head, "Very seldomly would I go out on the front lines myself. I can probably count the amount of times I went into battle myself on both hands."

Which to the normal person, that is a lot. But for a Fatui? That's practically zero. And in all honesty, for anyone else, it'd be unacceptable.

Scaramouche is not known for his patience, and out of all the Harbingers, he's definitely the least likable. But there's something you didn't think you'd ever take for granted, and that was his strange consideration for your feelings when it comes to violence,

Never once had he actually forced you to hurt someone if you didn't want to, and he never made you kill anyone either. Anytime you had to hurt someone, it was self defense. And anytime you kill someone...

Well, you do your best to repress those memories.

Working for the other Harbinger's made you realize you took that silent consideration for granted. Since all these fuckers want from you is violence.

"I see. So it's safe to say you are what makes him look good from the shadows," Pantalone puts a hand to his chin.

"Not at all. Lord Scaramouche has done a lot more than I. Really, I only take care of the boring things." You redirect your attention to the woman, "If I may, my Fair Lady, can I know why you have requested my assistance so suddenly?"

"Simple really. I haven't gotten the chance to personally witness what makes you so great. It'd be a shame if you went off to Fontaine for who knows how long before I got the chance to use you."

Mmmm pues.

"I-I see. Well, I hope I can meet your expectations," You force a smile, "Is there anything else you need?"

"Yes, pack your things," La Signora smirks slyly, "We're going to Liyue."

....

SHIIIT.

[chuuyascumsock]

Lament of a Bleeding Heart Incorrect Quotes Part Two || Spoiler Warning

*Chuuya and MC on a mission*

Chuuya: ...I'm pretty sure that place is fire-proof, or something.

MC, grenade in hand: Alright, but is it explosion-proof?

—

Dazai: MC and I are so close we even share a toothbrush!

MC: We what?

—

Kunikida: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?

MC: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Kunikida: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.

MC: But I heard a siren.

Kyouka: That was Atsushi.

Atsushi: Sorry, I got nervous.

—

Yosano: Why is MC crying on the floor?

Ranpo: She took one of those 'what person are you?' quizzes.

Yosano: And?

Ranpo: She got Dazai.

—

Chuuya: Die.

MC: Please don't die!

Chuuya: DIE!

MC: PLEASE DON'T DIE!

Gin, confused: Why are they yelling at a plant?

Elise, watching while eating popcorn: They bought it together and MC wants Chuuya to accept it as their kid.

—

Akutagawa: You have friends and I envy that.

MC: You're welcome to share my friends.

Akutagawa: *looks at Atsushi and Kyouka*

Akutagawa: I don't want those.

—

Police: You're under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.

Chuuya, with MC and Dazai behind him: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!

Police: Yes...three.

Chuuya: Oh, my God— What the fuck!?

Police: Wha-

Chuuya: AKUTAGAWA FUCKING FELL OFF!

—

Tachihara: You're smiling. What happened?

Chuuya: What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it?

MC: Dazai tripped and fell down the stairs today.

—

Higuchi: You know, Chuuya gives MC flowers everyday, I wish you'd do that too.

Akutagawa: Okay.

*Later*

Akutagawa: *gives MC flowers*

MC: ???

Akutagawa: I don't know, I'm confused as well.

—

*Dazai, Chuuya, MC, and Elise playing a board game together*

Dazai: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.

MC: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.

Chuuya: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'.

Elise: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'.

Chuuya: *flips the board*

—

Chuuya: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?!

MC: *crouches down*

Dazai: *sits on the floor*

Chuuya:

Chuuya: I hate both of you.

—

Atsushi, watching Chuuya and Dazai fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt?

MC, not bothered by the chaos: It's fine. They're too evenly matched to hurt each other.

Atsushi: Then... who's the strongest out of you three?

Chuuya: MC.

Dazai: MC.

MC: Me.

—

Mori: MC, you'll be working with Dazai and Chuuya.

MC: Alright! My fantasy threesome!

Everyone else: *blank stares*

MC: ...Of people on a team.

—

Kunikida: So Sasaki was just using me?

MC: I'm sorry, Kunikida.

Dazai, trying to contain his amusement: You must feel pretty stupid right now.

Kunikida:

MC: Ok, that's a time-out.

Dazai: No, I was just trying to-

MC: Go sit over there!

Dazai: *walks away in defeat*

—

MC: I'm here for the mafia stuff.

Mori: How did you find us?

MC: I saw your ad on craigslist.

—

Chuuya: You're giving me a sticker?

MC: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying "me-wow!" It's for doing a good job on our mission!

Chuuya: *Scoffs* I'm not a preschooler.

MC: Fine, I'll take it back-

Chuuya: I earned this, back off!

—

MC: What's up? I'm back.

Chuuya and Dazai: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead.

MC: Death is a social construct.

—

Dazai: Life is like Chuuya. It's short.

—

Mori, after finding out MC faked her death: You played me!

MC: Like the cheap kazoo you are!

—

Chuuya: Let's write that Vagabond a friendly note, shall we? Dear... Incompetent... Dumbass...

—

*Mori when he first meets MC*

Mori: *sharpens knife* We've got ways of making people talk.

Mori: *cuts piece of cake*

MC: ...Can I have some?

Mori: Cake is for talkers.

—

Chuuya: How do tall people people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you?

MC: Chuuya, it's four o'clock in the morning.

Chuuya: So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?

—

Dazai: MC is playing hard to get.

Dazai: Little does she know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

—

Chuuya: This date is boring!

MC: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

Chuuya: Then why did you invite me?

MC: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you, I'll do whatever I want!"

—

Chuuya: Know why I called you here?

MC: Because I accidentally sent you a tit pic.

Chuuya: *Stops pouring two glasses of wine.* Accidentally?

—

MC: Are you trying to seduce me?

Dazai: Why, are you seducible?

—

MC: Is something burning?

Dazai, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.

MC: Dazai, the toaster is literally on fire.

—

Dazai: So you like cats?

MC: Yeah.

Dazai: *tries to impress her by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

—

*After MC faked her death and before Dazai left the mafia*

Chuuya: Dazai—

Dazai: *sighs sadly* MC used to call me that...

Chuuya: ...Because it's your fucking name, dumbass.

—

Chuuya: I hate Dazai.

MC: "Hate' is a strong word.

Chuuya: I have strong opinions.

[slvtformen]

BIRTHDAY BOY 𖤐

“Besides, the bass isn't a difficult instrument to play. It's like one step up from the kazoo, isn't it?”

pairing; dave mustaine x fem!reader

summary; it's dave's birthday, and you give him a birthday gift

warnings; smut <3

note; this was very rushed, and i wrote this at peek 4 or 5 am lmfaoo, beware

"good-morning, babe. happy birthday!" i roll over onto my side towards dave, looking up at the male with a soft and gentle gaze, my lips curled into a small smile that was yet genuine. i watch and observe as the male's eyes flutter, and click open almost like a light-switch. he instantly gives me a faint and closed smile when he sees me.

"good-morning, honey." he said in a brief voice, his tone husk and rough since he woke up. he cleared his voice, and added, "thank you. how did you sleep?" he asked, and i shrugged, "it was okay. how about you birthday boy?" i asked with a sparkle of love in my eyes, my smile pleasing and yet to be affectionate. he also shrugs, "it was great, actually. so, whats my birthday gift?" he asked me. "i don't know. what do you want as a birthday gift?" i asked with lust tinged in my voice. he motioned for me to get on top of him, and i obliged. i laid on him, my head laid on his chest, while i look up at him, waiting for an answer.

"hmm, how about you are my birthday gift?" he asks me with a smirk crossed on his lips. i nodded eagerly. he then slightly slipped me off him, and he got on top of me. i gazed up at him. his face instantly targeted my neck, while he left wet, but gentle and affectionate kisses down my neck, and my hand moved to the back of his neck, and i rested my hand there. i moaned softly at his lips touching my sensitive skin in a swift move. he then went up and kissed my lips, tasting them. he then got off me, and started to undress. he was already shirtless, since thats how he slept, although he slipped off his pants and his boxers went too. he was hard, and i watched him get back on top of me.

his hands tore at my panties, and he pulled them down to my ankles, and he then positioned myself at my entrance. he then spoke up, "are you sure about this, y/n?" he questioned. i nodded. "i'm gonna need more than a nod, sweetheart." he said sternly. "okay, yes, i'm sure about this." you squirmed and writhed underneath him, wanting him inside of you. "alright," he mumbled and thrusted into me. i immediately gripped the sheets, my nails clawing onto the pillow and sheets, practically ripping them off in such a way. he continued to pound into me, stretching me out easily. "fuck, y/n-" he grunted out, and i let out sighs, and heated moans of pleasure and lust. "dave," i moaned out, and he leant down and placed a kiss on my lips.

after a quick minute or so, he pulled out of me and instead of asking first, he immediately came on my boobs after i came before him, and he smiled at me and he grabbed his pants and boxers, pulling them up. "i'll help you clean up," he told me.

after a minute or two of cleaning up, he laid back down and held me close to him. "wanna give me a blowjob?" he asked simply. "uh, sure." you giggled.

This writing belongs to slvtformen! Please don't steal, or copy it in any way. thank you. if you would like to use some of my writing, come to me beforehand and let me know and get my permission first! again, thank you. <3 🫶🏼

[danvillecheese]

why do u think act ur age is fucked

[cracks knuckles] alright. essay time. you asked for it.

I’ve done a similar response to this before here and mentioned something else about it here but I’ll go over it again since those posts are both from a while ago. also bear in mind I haven’t seen aya recently bc I don’t like it. okay let’s get into it

[also im gonna preface this saying maybe i sound very pessimistic but im ranting and its just gonna sound like im complaining because i am. i mean no real malice by the way. im simply a person with a blog.]

first off. they don’t use the show don’t tell as well as they could. in the what might have been montage, sure, they showed potential scenarios and how phineas felt (very briefly) when isa stopped visiting his backyard but it just feels so rushed. I get that they only had like 11 minutes to show it but idk there has to be another way to write it. or just not have it at all idk its just from a writing point of view the whole episode feels rushed and out of place from everything else continuity-wise. why not use little easter eggs planted in the show beforehand? operation crumbcake? pharmacists? meapless in seattle? god theres so many episodes with evidence that phineas liked her back even if he didnt know. just. continuity!!!!

second. why did their friends not try something sooner. it’s not like they didn’t know. like phineas seems to be okay with saying “i wish! i am so in the friend zone there” in front of his friends (that quote alone makes me lose my shit but that’s a whole other point) so clearly they knew about phineas. and isabella also wasn’t quiet about it (source: pnf s1-4). they had like four years of high school to do something and they planned it the day isa left for college? nah its just the least realistic thing ever for me. also them being 18 is like yeah okay maybe the slow burn was worth it and theyre way more grown up (i love a good slowburn) but ohhhhhh my god SURELY their friends were getting sick of them dancing around each other. just me?

third. and I’m sorry to ash simpson but oh my god I hate the character designs like They Would Not Fucking Look Like That. it almost feels like it completely disregards their arcs during the original summer. like yeah child chub disappears over ur teen years but sometimes it stays a little longer! make phineas less twiggy!! make isa look more like her mother! (am i about to redesign them again? whoops)

four. and i know this is no fault of dan and swampy but the show was about to end anyways and yet the entire friend group was paired off into hetero ships?? get fucking real. none of those kids are straight. realistically, i know it was a different time and gay marriage wasnt even legal in the us yet so it wasnt all that common to have queer romance on screen let alone on disney channel but like i said, the show was about to end. what were the disney channel execs gonna do? cancel it? lmao

five. "I am so in the friend zone there." "we are guys. we do not talk about our feelings." WHAT!!! i cant believe this shit is real. these lines of dialogue are canon. what the hell. what kind of message does that even send to younger, impressionable viewers? if ur a 10 year old boy watching that (ok fine maybe that isnt gonna stick with you forever but listen) and you go 'oh its okay to just bottle everything up and not tell my friends about my feelings about anything ever' that is insane! thats not how things should go!! like i get the whole "im so in the friend zone" and yes, this also has to do with the era but like if they wanted to be a more progressive cartoon that kids look up to and enjoy maybe they just. shouldn't have put that whole conversation in.

i barely have any problems with the b plot. in fact id watch the episode just for the kazoo solo. because that plot lines up with the continuity. i can totally see heinz having bowling night with perry and carl and monogram every week! i can totally see perry and monogram retired! and carl running owca and getting payed for it! that all checks out! that one makes sense and works with the canon! if they got that plot so right how did they get the a plot so wrong?

i can answer this question: fanservice. its an awful word, i know. act your age is a fanservicey episode which is why i think it crashed and burned. mml season 2 is rooted in the same issue: doof is very present and takes away from the original plot of the show. like, the one he wasnt even in until the last episode of s1. slightly getting off topic but it is the crux of the issue. fanservice doesnt make for good storytelling. even if it brings in the big bucks. at its core, telling the story the way it should be told is the best one. even if it pisses people off. a good portion of the viewers will still appreciate whatever ending the creators come up with. and no, im not saying phinbella shouldn't have become canon, in fact i really like the ship and all their dynamics, i just think they went about it the wrong way.

as someone who's written and published fic about them getting together in different universes (granted, they were from when i was younger so its mildly terrible. take them with a grain of salt) there are a lot of other ways to tell that story canonically. honestly, i think the best way of doing it was to keep it ambiguous. dont tell that story. let the viewers pick their own ending for phineas and isabella. maybe they dont get together after all. who knows!

thanks for the ask! hope you had fun getting lectured <3

[thatonegoldenfreddyfan]

TSBS INCORRECT QUOTES

except I have a clear fave character --- Golden: You are, of course, wondering why it is I have brought you here tonight. Freddy: Actually, dad, after all these years, I just sort of go with it. --- Shadow Freddy: Why are you like this?? Funtime Freddy: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since. --- Golden: *Answers phone.* Hello? Sun: It's Sun. Golden: What did he do this time? Sun: No, it's me, Golden. It's actually me. Golden: What did you do this time? --- Springtrap: So, what's it like being friends with Golden? Springbonnie: They once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter." Springtrap: ... Springbonnie: I love them so much. --- Golden: You're pathetic! Phantom : You're pathetic-er! Springbonnie: You're both losers. --- Funtime: *on the phone* Hey Freddy, do you know my blood type? Freddy: Of course, it's B-. Funtime: Oh, I guessed wrong. Excuse me, nurse-! --- Moon: You use emoji’s like a straight person. Golden: That’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me. --- Springbonnie: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this! Golden: Apparently, we're not. --- Glamrock Freddy: You played me! Phantom: Like the cheap kazoo you are! ---

Toy Chica: Sweet dog you got there. Police: Yes, this is our new drug sniffing dog. Toy Chica: Still training huh? Police: What do you mean? Toy Chica: Toy Chica: Never mind. --- Shadow Freddy: There’s no “I” in team, but there is one in pizza. Golden: So, you’re not going to share? Shadow Freddy: I’m not going to share. --- Freddy: Is that a gun?! Funtime: It's not what it looks like! Freddy: It looks like a gun! Funtime: Okay, maybe it is what it looks like, but in my defense, it doesn't have anymore bullets, so I technically can't shoot it anymore. Freddy: ...ANYMORE?! --- Funtime: I don’t know the first thing about clothes. Pretty much all I can do is look at something and tell you if it’s clothes or not. This chair? Not clothes. --- Funtime and Freddy: *speaking French* Funtime: I know, I know. Glamrock Freddy: You speak French? Funtime: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Freddy speaks. --- Freddy: The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it. Golden: Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side. Shadow Freddy: YO SOCRATES! IT'S A FUCKING COOKIE! --- Roxanne: Hey, can I get a sip of that water? Golden: It’s not water. Roxanne: Vodka! I like your sty- Golden: It’s vinegar. Roxanne: …What? Golden: It's vinegar, PUSSY. --- Lunar, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

[aesthetixhoe]

wedding kazoo C.D.

warnings: like two curse words and that's it

word count: tbd

pronouns used: none!!

authors note: this is super short but also super sweet! :) @ivyinnit this one's for you bae

The top of the waterfall was a shot out of a teen romance movie. The sun was setting causing brilliant hues of orange, red, and even pink to paint the sky, just the way you liked it. Charlie knew that.

This place was the location of your first date. Charlie took you here three years ago because he knew you would love it. He was right.

He had coerced you up here at an oddly random time. It wasn't an anniversary, no birthday, nothing important to be celebrating up here. None of it made sense. The way he told you to dress however you wanted and he wore a nice outfit. He never dresses up, why would he now?

It's not for pictures, if it were he'd tell you and ask you to dress up a tad bit, maybe do your hair nicer than usual? He said nothing of the sort.

He was vlogging as well, which was also very confusing. Is he trying to prank you? Perhaps a surprise with new car!? That's a joke obviously, he doesn't even have the funds to buy a Tesla, let alone gift one. Everything about this trip just wasn't adding up.

In the middle of filming, as you two were nearing the top of the hill to reach the bottom of the waterfall, he pulled out his kazoo... Oh lord.

He started playing random meme songs, all star by smash mouth, the Wii theme, the Minecraft version of DJ got us fallin in love, typical songs for Charlie to sing or... Play in this instance.

When you two reached the top he sat his phone down on a rock, getting a good angle of the watery scene in front of you both. Or so you thought.

He guided you over to where you would be in frame, and you figured it was just so he had a shot of you in the vlog. He took all of yours and his valuables out of his pockets, and yours, say them on the dry ground, and took you even further to where you could feel the water with your hands.

Everything was peaceful and serene... Until you felt water being thrown at you.

You look over at Charlie with the most dumbfounded and shocked face you can muster and ask him “What... The fuck... Was that?” With as much accusation as a judge in court.

He just looks back at you with a shit eating grin from ear to ear. “What? Did you get water on yourself or something?” He inquires with faux innocence.

“Char, I'm gonna kill you.” You smile sweetly before standing under the flow of the water. He just stares at you with a confused look on his adorable face.

Once you're completely drenched he sees your plan. You run over to him and attach yourself into him, soaking the water from your hair and clothes onto him.

“I love you so much!” He exclaims, pulling you in even further.

“That was... Not the reaction I wanted.” You confess with pursed lips. “But I love you nonetheless.” You reciprocate his adoration while pulling him into kiss you.

He retrieves his kazoo out once more, prompting an opportunity for a joke. “You, Charlie slimecicle, are amazing at ruining the moment!” You laugh as he just kinds stands there. That's odd... He always laughs at your jokes. No matter how stupid.

When he places the kazoo to his lips and starts vibrating it with a tune you can recognize it instantly.

Here comes the bride.

You look bewildered as you look at him with questioning eyes. This isn't really happening right?

Wrong. He grabs your hands and brings you closer to him. When he places himself on one knee that's when the cliché of your hand going to your mouth comes.

You had imagines getting married and having kids and growing old with Charlie. From the first time you said ‘I love you’ you knee you were his. And when he immediately said it back you found that the love and happiness and all the mushy gushy shit from romance novels was what your relationship would be.

“[Y/n]...you know what I'm about to say. A bunch of the standard ‘I love you with all my being’ and ‘I want to be with you for the rest of my life.’ Which, is all true of course, but I'd rather propose within a proposal. If you marry me, instead of wedding bells in your future, it can be wedding kazoo’s.” He finally finished.

Was that rude of you to think? Obviously. But part of you wanted to just grab his face, yell ‘yes’ and smash your faces together.

So that's exactly what you did after he concluded his sentiment.

He stayed true to that promise of wedding kazoo’s. As he did with all of his promises. To hold. To honor. To treasure you. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health.

[sweatandwoe]

Copia terzo body swap 😈

Copia is quite certain he did not go to bed with another person last night. Yet, he awakens with another set of limbs over his body. One leg hooked over his hips. After blinking the sleep from his eyes, he can glance down to see a Sibling of sin laying over him.

And they're naked.

The other thing he notices too, is that he is also naked. And that his tattoo is missing.

How is his tattoo missing?

The answer comes when the door swings open, to reveal; himself. Except his eyes are wild, confusion and rage pouring through his own face. "Copia?" His own voice asks, but the tone is off.

He stares at the figure of himself, just in his pajamas still. Standing with one hand on his hips, face twisted into an annoyed expression that wouldn't look out of place on-

"Terzo?" He asks, slowly sitting up. The sibling easily removes themself, still asleep and gathering the blankets around them. They're quickly over to the other side of the bed, snoring softly, enough that Copia can creep out of bed. His hands go down to cover himself, but the other man only scoffs.

"That's my junk, remember." Terzo twists his mouth when he speaks. "How do you speak with this fucking caterpillar on your lip? You should shave it."

Copia stares at him, then after holding his, or Terzo's, junk for a moment, frowns. "Don't you dare touch my mustache." Then he pauses, removing his hand. "Why do your balls itch so fucking badly?"

"Because I have to put lotion on them every morning. The skin is sensitive down there." His arms cross, and he raises a brow. "I noticed you don't shave."

"I trim!" Why is he defending his own private choices about his body? It was none of Terzo's business. Nonetheless, he can feel the warmth rising in his face, blooming onto his cheeks, or Terzo's cheeks. "How did this happen?"

Terzo shuffles, moving to close the door. "I may have... done a ritual by accident last night."

Copia blinks at him, as the other man goes to grab his pants from his own closet. "You - what?"

"It was an accident. Me and them," he gestures to the person sleeping in his bed, "We may have... been inciting Him in our pleasure last night." Copia can only stare at Terzo, lips parted at how he managed to do that. But the other man only shrugs, twisting Copia's lips into a feral grin. "It was pretty hot."

"Oh, Lucifer." He brings both of his hands to his head, "How do we get back?"

"Probably the spell will last for the day and then we return back to our bodies when we sleep tonight. If it lasts longer, we'll have to get Secondo cause I don't know shit about what we said last night."

Copia lifts his hands from his face, to stare at himself, who is looking sheepish and smiling. And then he realizes, he is well and truly fucked. He groans back into his hands, and the other man walks over to pat his shoulder.

"It'll be alright, Copia. I just have a kazoo practice today... And paperwork."

The panic is sinking in, to the point he can only let out a sob, nearing a wail if not for the sibling he is still aware is in the room. "I don't know how to play the kazoo!"

Now Terzo groans, raising a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "You just blow air into it!" Copia still sniffs and the other man sighs. "I'll go ask Secondo after breakfast. Go change, and we'll be okay, si? I can make an excuse to get you out of practice too."

Regardless of what will happen during this day, as Copia takes the pants Terzo hands him, he's quite certain it's going to be a long day.