#what if Sirius hadn't died

[psychoticallykind]

Coffee

"Bottle" - Jegulus Microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 407 words

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"Reggie, I'm grabbing a Dr. Pepper, do you want a bottle?"

Regulus didn't look up from his book. "No, James is bringing me a drink."

"What?" Remus gave him an uncertain look. "How do you know? Your phone's been dead all day."

"It's 4:15," Regulus pointed out. "James got off at 4. He'll come here after work, but he'll stop at the coffee shop on the way and get us both coffees. Yours, too, and SIrius's if he knows he's here."

"He knows," Sirius spoke up. "'Cause I text him earlier. But no one's mentioned coffee."

Regulus knew what he was talking about. "No one had to mention it."

"Are you sure I shouldn't just call him?" Remus asked. "Just to - look, I know James is great, but he isn't psychic, Reg."

"Wait ten minutes," Regulus told him. "You'll see."

Remus exchanged a glance with Sirius that Regulus ignored. "I'm seeing unrealistic expectations, but okay. Have it your way."

Nine minutes later, the door opened. Regulus smiled.

"Hey, I brought caffeine!" James announced, walking into the bookshop. He kissed the top of Regulus's head before handing him his cup. "How's your day been?"

"Slow," Regulus replied, smirking at Remus. "Which was nice. I finished that book I showed you yesterday."

Remus took his drink with a faintly confused look. "Thanks. Did you - did Regulus text you earlier?"

"No," James replied, handing Sirius's over. "I kind of thought his phone might have died, actually. I tried to text you," he directed that last one to Regulus, who winced.

"Yeah, I forgot to charge it. Sorry," he apologized.

"It's alright." James smiled at him, settling on the arm of his chair. "What are you reading now?"

Regulus turned the book so James could see the cover. "Remus didn't think you loved me enough to get me coffee."

James frowned, looking at his friend. "What?"

"Not what I said," Remus defended himself. "I just wasn't sure you would know that Reg wanted coffee when he hadn't actually told you. That's all."

"He was very sure of it, though," Sirius chimed in. "Did you plan it this morning?"

"Oh." James shrugged. "Not really. But I told him that I got off at four today, and he's here 'til six, so it was pretty obvious."

Regulus smiled, leaning against James. "I love you."

"I love you, too." James grinned at him. "So much."

"I know," Regulus replied, and it was true.

[my-castles-crumbling]

dead - Jegulus Microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - word count: 264

"Remind me why I'm doing this, again?" Regulus grumbled, walking with Sirius into the dental surgeon's office while frowning.

"Because my car's in the shop and you do well when bribed with ice cream," Sirius chirped, walking up to the front desk. "Here for James Potter please!"

Regulus hadn't seen James in years, but was not looking forward to driving him home from getting his wisdom teeth removed. "If he gets blood on my car seats, you're paying for it!" he hissed as Sirius was led down the hall to, presumably, get the patient.

Moments later, Sirius returned, propping a half-conscious man under his arm. In the years since Regulus had seen him, James Potter had grown by a good foot, and grown infinitely more attractive, too. Even in his drugged-up state, he looked stunning, with beautiful hazel eyes, a fit frame, and a smile, even with a mouth full of cotton, that was to die for.

Looking up, James's eyes widened when he saw Regulus. "Oh m'God, I'm dead," he mumbled, head lolling and eyes half-closed. "Sir'us. I died 'n surg'ry."

Confused, Sirius looked over to his best friend. "What? No, mate, you're fine! Just a bit fucked from the drugs, that's-"

"Nah, mate look!" James said dazedly, staggering and pointing over to Regulus, who gave him an affronted look. "That's an angel!"

Immediately, Regulus blushed crimson as James began babbling on about how good-looking he was, gesturing wildly.

Sirius, however, just groaned. "Let's get you in the car, Romeo," he mumbled, shooting Regulus an annoyed look.

Regulus, however, was grinning from ear-to-ear.

[777heavengirl]

Bless the Telephone ; ##06

James Potter x f!muggle!reader word count: 1181 warnings: none? annoying brother... bad writing a/n: im ashamed at how long its taken me to write this and its still ass but I'm back baby! series masterlist main masterlist

“James?” he could hear the hesitation in your voice, his name rolling softly off your tongue. it made the tips of his fingers buzz 

“Yes love”

“What do you look like?” you sounded almost ashamed for asking. He would be lying if he didn’t wonder the same thing

“Why d’you ask sweetheart?”

“Was just curious…” you said, James took a deep breath “but we don't have to talk about it at all-”

“I have brown hair… I’d like to think I’m a very normal-looking bloke,” he said, you listened intently. “my mother says I’m a dashing young man, however”

“I don’t think she’s an unbiased source of information.”

“Yeah… i fear she isn’t-“James said with a chuckle, you laughed along, “My eyes are hazel, well they’re brown i swear they’re shit brown but Sirius says they’re hazel”

“whatever the hell that means”

“right? anyway, ummm i’m pretty tall, my hairs a mess always, I wear glasses”

“really?”

“yeah, they’re round, shitty little glasses i reckon-“

“didn’t know you wore any…”

“Yeah I’m blind as a bat,” James couldnt help the smile that spread through his lips as you laughed on the other side of the line. “Can I ask what you look like or is that forbidden?”

He heard your breath hitch before a couple of giggles left your lips. 

“It’s okay to ask, I just don’t really know how to describe myself”

“That’s quite alright— we can go step by step, what color is your hair?”

You answered with a laugh, and James continued. He asked about the length of your hair, the color of your eyes, if you smiled with teeth or pressed lips, he asked if you had long nails or kept them short, he asked everything he could, itching for a clearer image, itching to see you.

“Satisfied?” you asked when the questions died down, James simply hummed in response. He thought about it deeply, the curve of your face, the bow of your lip, his mind filled in gaps or left them in blanks, he couldn't finish clearing up the hazy figure of you. But he was determined now, he needed to see you, he needed to touch your skin, and to have you be more than just a voice on the machine.

He hadn't noticed you had started talking again,

-

You snatched the cigarette from your brother’s fingers, it hadn't even been two days of him staying at yours, and Charlotte was already a terrible influence on him.

“He’s a child, Charlotte, don’t give him this,” you scoffed as you crushed the cigarette under your shoe. 

“I’m sixteen-” your brother retorted, the dumb teenage drawl of his words making him sound more annoyed than he truly was

“Don’t care”

“My friends do it-”

“Don’t care”

“You do it!”

“Who said that?” You turn around this time, your brother stopping in his tracks. Charlotte lights another cigarette for herself behind him. You narrowed your eyes. Flickering back and forth between your brother, who had a sheepish smile, and your roommate, who didn’t dare meet your eye.

“No smoking, at least not while you’re with me”

“Deal,” you smiled, “but… I have a favor to ask.” Your brother’s grin widened even more as yours dropped. 

You should’ve known there’d be a catch.

-

“He’s a terror- truly” You said into the phone, whispered words while Charlotte distracted your brother with some crappy late night TV. 

“Surely it’s not that bad…” James laughed on the other side, breathless and excited to talk to you. 

“No it isn’t, I love the little brat but you know…” You picked at your cuticles, sighing into the phone, “It’s hard when they start growing up, it's different.”

“Different how?”

“Different like… I can’t accept he is growing older and is his own person, he’s my baby” James hummed in acknowledgement. “I don’t know… it’s silly”

“It’s not silly love, you’re allowed to be upset about it, that’s valid,” James was often this way, caring and sweet. You appreciated how in tune with your emotions he was. Sometimes you felt as if he had been made up in your mind. A figment of your imagination.

“Thanks James”

“Of course love-” a knock rang from your door, and your brother poked his head through the slightly opened door. 

“What’re you up to?” He narrowed his eyes “Who are you talking to?”

“None of your business twat, go back to the tv”

“Is it your boyfriend?” James tried pressing his ear further into the phone, praying he’d hear better

“It’s just a friend,” you whispered, tightening your lips into a thin line

“At least tell me its not that horrid man-“

“Alright enough said, i’ll talk to you later friend” you said into the phone

James said goodbye with a breathless laugh.

-

“So about this favor…” Your brother smiled, eyes filled with mischief. He had grown taller in his time at school, his hair had been cut short by your mother, probably against his wishes and the smirk that painted his lips was a newfound one. 

You raised an eyebrow, pushing your plate towards him so he could serve you food. He obliged reluctantly. A game of how much he could do to butter you up had started.

“There’s this event, a tournament, and all of my friends are going-”

“School friends or old friends?”

“School”

“Proceed-”

“There would be a parent coming, he has a government job, very responsible.” he nodded, you rolled your eyes playfully

“Right…”

“It would be just a weekend trip. Thursday to Sunday”

“That's…” You stared at him. mouth slightly ajar, “You know Mom’s going to kill us both.”

“That’s why she doesn't have to know, du.h” he said as he got up to get water, grabbing yours as well as you stared at him pointedly. 

“Do we have to pay for anything?”

“Just getting me to the pick up point… in Broomfield,” He said, a sheepish smile growing on his lips.

“Oh you are mental… Let me get this straight, you want me to drop you off in the middle of Broomfield, which is more than an hour away by car” you said, your brother nodded as he shoved food in his mouth, like it all made sense. “even though I have no car, so you can meet up with your friends and an alleged an adult to go… some other place to watch some sports tournament.”

“Sounds about right,” he smiled at you, cheeks puffy from stuffing his face with dinner, almost like he did when he was bright-eyed and eleven. Your heart stirred… Bastard.

“There’s a rugby field not far from here. You can invite your friends,” you said

He shook his head, putting his fork down. 

“You don’t understand, I have to go to this, it's the World Cup.”

“If you want rugby World Cup tickets, I’m sure I can score a pair, but… Broomfield, really?” You toyed with your fork, tracing vague shapes into your mashed potatoes. “You don’t understand. This isn’t any World Cup y/n, this is Quidditch, I have to go”

tags ; @ilovejamespottersomuch @ravisinghs-wife @hidontmindtheintrovert @stella-thestars @caspiankingofnarnia @lovelyteenagebeard @starkluvrr @hisparentsgallerryy @leilani13gc @katsusayhi @auroresce @lovemiss-vale @alessiaparigim @unconventional-lawnchair @moonydoodlez @eissaaaa @ailoda @nahhhwhatthefrick @notapoetjustscar @hiireadstuff @the-rat-king1902 @n1ght-vngel @littlewhitel1es @rreporterbby @santaasi @myheroworldandanimes @whimsical-mistakes @lalalandincraz @2dloveshp @loveyouprongs

permanent tag ; @laufeysvalentine @heyyyloverr

let me know if you want to be tagged in any future chapters!

[aluinwe]

rush - jegulus - @into-the-jeggyverse - word count: 732

James came to awareness slowly, cracking open his eyes with a pained groan. He was tangled in his sheets, sticky with sweat. His head was pounding, his mouth was dry as ash and tasted like something had crawled inside and died. Throwing an arm over his face to protect him against the worst of the light, he groggily rolled over to his side and pulled himself to sitting on the edge of his bed.

He'd had a hangover before, of course he had. He was twenty-five – he'd spent a good portion of the last seven years drinking far too much most Friday and Saturday nights. But this? This was something else entirely. He never blacked out or lost memory and yet this morning as he cast his mind back to the night before, everything after stumbling into the second bar of the evening was hazy and everything after the third was completely gone.

He remembered spilling out of the taxi, arms slung around Sirius and Remus. He remembered the queue, how Sirius tried to barter with the doorman to let them in for free because “We’ll bring the average hotness in there up like, 50%” only to be denied and have to fork over the £15 cover each anyway. He remembered the press of bodies and the pounding of the bass on the approach to the bar. And then – nothing.

Blearily glancing around his room, he spotted the 2 paracetamol and pint of water that had been left on the corner of his desk. Sending a silent prayer of thanks to Remus, who he could only assume had been his saviour, he greedily gulped down the water along with the pills, sighing in relief at the feeling of the much needed hydration. He dug around in his drawer for some clean underwear, and once it was on he padded out of his room and straight into the bathroom across the hall. He quickly relieved himself, leaning against the wall for support, then brushed his teeth. Finally, he leaned over the sink to splash cold water against his face.

Feeling somewhat more alive, he took a glimpse at himself in the mirror and his jaw dropped in shock. He was covered from jaw to chest in lovebites. Angry red and purple marks obviously sucked into his skin, several of them with the distinct impression of teeth left behind. He racked his brain – of all the nights to have no memory of whatsoever, he'd forgotten this? Then he was hit with an epiphany – Pads and Moony had been with him. Maybe one of them remembered what had happened or who had done this to him.

With no further thought, he headed straight for the kitchen, where he could hear quiet conversation and the sound of a breakfast being made. Skidding through the door he was met with the sight of Remus, standing at the stove flipping bacon. Sirius, sitting at the table cupping a steaming mug of coffee between his hands. And a third, unknown person sitting across from Sirius. Dark curls, pale skin and with eyes and cheekbones matching Sirius’ uncannily.

Looking into those storm grey eyes, James’ knees buckled as memories of the night before came back to him in a rush. Sirius and Remus had left before him at the third bar – James had stayed because he had spotted this beautiful stranger dancing alone and wouldn't leave until he'd spoken to him. He'd bought him a drink, flirted like his life depended on it and got him home. They hadn't had sex - he remembered that. They were too drunk. But they had been very exploratory with their mouths, hence the bruising.

“Morning James.” Sirius’ tone was harsh, almost cold. Nothing like James would usually expect from his best friend. The sound dragged James back into awareness, snapping him to attention. “I believe you've already met my brother, Regulus?”

“I… umm…” James stammered, unsure of what would be the best way to respond.

“Put a shirt on Prongs. I think we need to have a chat and I can't talk to you if I have to look at all of that.” Sirius gestured towards James’ still-exposed chest, evidence of just how well acquainted he was with Regulus on full display.

“Right, yes. I'll just…” James turned to leave the room, just catching the soft smirk on Regulus’ face before he did so.

[accio-sriracha]

The Water Is Fine

~~~ ~~~

"Come in, the water is fine!" James called to Regulus, his eyes holding a challenge.

Regulus watched him with amusement from the shade of a nearby tree. He didn't swim, this was a fact they all knew well. James, however, didn't seem to care, inviting him for the third time that evening to join them in the lake.

"Mate, you know he doesn't get in the water," Sirius said. "What's the point in trying?"

James brushed him off, his eyes never leaving the boy resting beneath the tree.

"Sure he does." He said it loud enough for Regulus to hear. "He'll get in eventually."

"You're really going to do this right now?" Regulus called back.

He had to admit, he was a little impressed by James' persistence.

James shrugged. "It's as good a time as ever, isn't it?"

Regulus knew the words had double meaning for them, but pretended not to notice as he sighed and stood up, marking his place in his book.

They all turned in suprise as Regulus stepped out of his shoes, resignation written on his face, and walked towards the water's edge.

"There he is!" James called grandly, holding his arms out. "The man of the hour! Come join us, the water's nice and warm!"

If they hadn't been shocked before, they definitley were now as Regulus actually stepped into the lake.

"Will you shut up already?" Regulus hissed at him. "It's fucking cold, you liar!"

He continued to mutter under his breath as he made his way to James. "Always fucking pissing me off- Never have one good day with my books, can I-"

James waved him off. "Stop whining, you'll get used to it."

"Regulus what are you doing?" Sirius was openly staring at him in shock.

Regulus didn't spare him a glance, too focused on where to place his feet,.

"Coming over to kill your best friend, that's what I'm doing." He gasped when a place in the water was particularly freezing.

He didn't like the feeling of everyone's eyes on him, since they suddenly decided he was more exciting than whatever it was they were doing before.

He rolled his eyes. He was in the water, so what? Just because none of them had ever seen him step foot in the lake before doesn't mean it was that big of a deal.

"I thought you didn't swim-" Sirius started again, dumbstruck.

"He doesn't." James' smile was bright, the kind of all-consuming smile that made you forget the rest of the world existed.

As Regulus got to waist high water the familiar trickles of fear started to kick in.

Sirius had a right to be surprised, nothing scared Regulus more than this feeling.

He was toeing the ridge he had been looking for, where safe standing water met the expansive depths underneath. A drop off so sudden he was surprised nobody had died in it yet.

But as he looked up, his heart slowed. He trusted James. James would make sure he was okay.

He watched as James nodded reassuringly, his breathtaking smile easing Regulus' nerves. Regulus nodded back, reminding himself again that James would keep him safe.

So, much to the panic of everyone else, he turned around, leaned back... and fell.

Right off the ledge and into the drop off. Water splashed up around him. He sunk two- three feet and falling fast.

Above the waves there were shouts, his friends pushing through the water to save him because, obviously, Regulus couldn't swim.

But Regulus wasn't waiting for any of them.

In seconds there was a body pressed against his own. Warm hands against smooth skin, the zooming rush of water around them.

Yes, there he was.

James held him against his chest, using magic to propell them quickly through the water. Regulus could never get enough of this feeling, like he was flying.

As they burst up to the surface of the water again he could just barely make out the gasps from their friends.

They were quite a sight to see, bright smiles and Regulus' shrieks of laughter, James weaved them this way and that, sometimes twirling them up into the air before dropping them back down.

It was a bit of water-bending magic James had learned to keep Regulus safe when he was trying to teach him how to swim a few months ago, a deal they'd made in private to save Regulus the embarrassment.

Eventually, when Regulus' fears had proven too great, they'd given up on learning and starting using magic to push them across the waves instead. He and James had come here all the time since then, getting faster and better at it, James continuing to try out new tricks.

James kept his hands wrapped tightly around Regulus' waist, his own laugh was wild and free.

Regulus leaned happily into James, he could feel James' heart thump rhythmically against his chest.

James rolled them over so Regulus was on James' back when he stopped the spell. Regulus gripped James' shoulders tightly, as he always did when James swam them back to the safety of the shore.

"Show off," Regulus called over the sound of the water, leaning back so he could feel the breeze on his face.

James looked back at him, eyes shining. "Only for you." He smiled.

They made it back to a level Regulus could stand in and James carefully dropped him off, holding him steady until he was sure Regulus was okay.

Sirius stormed over to them, hitting James' arm repeatedly.

"Never. Scare. Me. Like. That. Again," he said, each word punctuated by a punch. "You could have hurt him! What if he'd drowned, Prongs? What then?"

James threw back his head in a laugh, moving to hide behind Regulus.

"I didn't do anything!" He protested. Dodging his next few attempts to attack.

Barty made it to them next, glaring at Regulus.

"I thought you were fucking dying you arsehole!" He shouted. "I had to leave Evan to save you! Do you know how hard that is?"

"Oh the horror. You had to stop snogging for three whole seconds." Regulus teased.

"What the hell was that?" Evan demanded as well, looking between James and Regulus as he trudged through the water to the four of them. "I've never seen anything like that before."

James and Regulus shared a look.

James cleared his throat. "We've had some practice." He started slowly. "It's a thing we've been working on-"

"Wait, you've gotten in the water before?" Marlene asked, amazed, as the rest of the group appeared.

"Just a few times," Regulus told them.

"More like every weekend." James snorted. "You practically begged me last time-"

Regulus cut him off with a threatening look.

Sirius was staring like he was seeing a ghost. Regulus could imagine why. He probably wasn't used to seeing Regulus like this, usually so cut throat and intense, suddenly laughing and beaming and clinging to Sirius' best friend of all people.

"I didn't even know you guys were close." Lily frowned, confused.

Regulus bit back a smile, glancing at James as also failed to control his expression. The light reflecting off the water made him look even more beautiful.

James wrapped an arm around Regulus' shoulders. "You could say that."

Regulus rolled his eyes again. "Prick," he hissed under his breath.

James shot him a flashy grin.

Finally, it seemed to click.

"Holy shit." Barty took a step back. "Evan, they're-"

"I know, B."

"They're-"

"You don't have to say it, B."

"Evan, they're fucking each other!"

Evan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I thought I just told you not to say it?"

"You're together?" Peter called incredolously. James smiled, turning Regulus to face him fully.

Regulus knew what was happening even before James' eyes dropped to his lips.

"Jamie, no-" Regulus started, even though he was already melting against his touch.

"Jamie, yes," James replied, all smug smiles and firm hands as he pulled Regulus into a kiss, right there in front of everyone.

Regulus broke, leaning his forehead against his chest when they pulled away.

He'd never felt guilt and relief so simultaniously. It was like a weight lifted off his shoulders just to remind him of all he'd done wrong to get it there.

"You're together?" Sirius repeated quietly, still watching them with that same expression.

Remus' hand was placed gently on his back, a motion Regulus often did to James to calm him down. He knew it well, Remus thought Sirius was about to explode.

"We were planning on telling you, it's only been two weeks since we actually got together-" James began nervously.

Regulus swallowed hard, Sirius was the person they'd been most anxious to tell, worried about how he'd react.

"This is fucking amazing," Sirius called, pulling them both into a crushing hug. "Merlin, my brothers! I'm so happy for you both!"

Regulus wasn't sure surprised was quite enough to cover what he was experiencing right now. He needed something more intense, somewhere around the intensity of a nuclear bomb might cover it.

"You're okay with it?" James asked skeptically, his hand intertwining with Regulus' seemingly without thought.

Sirius laughed. "Well it sure as hell beats thinking Regulus was going to drown. But, honestly, I'm happy for you guys!"

People took their turns congratulating them, eventually, when the excitement had passed and everyone went back to their own activities again, Regulus turned to James.

"Can we go again?" He asked, giving him the look that he knew made James fold every time.

"Yeah, we can do it again." James laughed, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too." Regulus smiled, taking a deep breath in as he walked over to the ledge. He nodded to James, who was already muttering the spell under his breath.

And off they went once more, flying through the water in their own peaceful little bubble.

Regulus had never been happier than he was right then, with James holding him close and all of their friends having fun in the distance. No more secrets. No more lies.

He found Sirius' eyes when James swam them back to safer water. His smile was filled with approval.

Regulus relaxed against his boyfriend. There was no place on earth he would rather be.

[erinwantstowrite]

do you have any advice how to get over the fear of posting fanfiction?

idk if you would relate to that but for some reason I just can't publish anything online that isn't my original work, idk if I'm scared that fandoms are going to bully me or that nobody will read it or something else

I know these fears are irrational, but I would love to hear if you had any advice for me

you gotta jump headfirst into it. like this:

when i was 13 years old i wrote a mary sue oc for a marauders fanfiction, named Lana Portland, who could see the future and fell in love with Sirius Black. her one goal was stopping the prophecy and saving everyone, but she died, came back to life at her own funeral, and then disappeared off the face of the earth because she lost her mind. what happened to her? she could only have a sane mind while she was an owl, her animagus form, but no one knew she was an animagus. you'll never believe what owl she was: Hedwig.

if the Erin writing to you right now was the Erin from about six years ago, they would NEVER have admitted that. however, the Erin I am now can. why? because the embarrassment i felt when i turned 15 and hated looking at it has worn off.

Now Erin has finally come to terms with the fact that being "cringe" is a hell of our making. 15 year old Erin was absolutely sure they'd get bullied to hell and back if anyone knew what they had written at 13. they were much more mature than 13 year old Erin, because they wrote Voltron fanfic, not Harry Potter

being scared of what people thought of my writing was a huge obstacle to overcome, and that's because writing is intensely personal

at first, i wrote my Voltron fics with the fandom in mind. i really wanted some validation, but i was miserable and hated writing. eventually, i went back to my roots of just... writing with only myself in mind. and i was happy again, posting with barely any thought to if someone would like the fic. so sure, reading any of my old works would make me want to throw myself into a pit of fire, but there's something freeing about knowing i had posted them. i am where i am now because i hadn't worried about what people thought of it when i was writing it.

over the years, i've found that fics i wrote that were intended to make absolutely everyone happy with me were my worst fics. i didn't enjoy making them, and people still found a way to be dissatisfied with something i've done. the fics where i do absolutely anything i want, even if it ends up making no sense, were the fics i had the most fun writing. and i didn't regret making them

all this to say: treat your fanfic like it's your own original work, have your fun! don't worry about if people tell you "Character would never do that, you are awful." because 1) who cares, and 2) you can block them, and they can block you

now let's say you're no longer scared of getting dunked on for your writing, so you posted it. good job! now you're wanting people to read your work, but you're scared they won't.

this part is complicated because you could do all the "right" things and still get nothing. that can be making sure you're tagging your fic correctly, or making a bunch of posts about your fic and asking people to read, etc. so, before you focus on getting more people to read, you should remind yourself that even if absolutely no one reads your fic, that doesn't mean you should be ashamed of your work. this also ties back into being content with your writing and doing it for yourself first and foremost.

my favorite fic i've written is "Coffee Jelly Disaster." it's only 900 words, it's not nearly my best writing technically, and barely anyone has read it. that last part ate at me when i first posted it because i thought more people would read it. but i still love it! it's so simple and i had fun

when i started writing LoF it was just for me and my friend, and then it got popular because i made a couple of silly tiktoks, which were also for me and my friend. i hadn't expected so many people to tune in when i started, because i had a couple of well read fics before, but nothing like this.

you don't have control over that kind of stuff because there's a lot of different favtors. and it really depends on what fandom you're writing for, too. Saiki K is not nearly as big as Spider-Man and Batman.

so the way i see it, if you post and get two hits and one like, that's still somebody out there who saw your work and wanted you to see they liked it. if you never post it at all, no one will. you gotta take the first step forward to get somewhere, and eventually you'll be running. we end up regretting our inactions the most

[forestdeath1]

Regulus wasn't forced by his parents to join the Death Eaters

What do we know about the Black family? I'll write a post about this because there's quite a bit we know if we read the canon in depth.

But the main point for this post is that for the Blacks, the survival and prosperity of their lineage were critically important.

The survival of their surname was in a precarious state at that time because women did not keep their surname nor pass it on to their children. Only two people could continue the line – Sirius and Regulus.

Preserving their lineage was so crucial for the Blacks that they didn't officially disown Sirius after his escape, or they reinstated him after Regulus's death. Because Sirius was the last Black. The last one who could carry on their line. Even if he was a rebellious Gryffindor who liked "mudbloods," he was still a Black.

When Sirius died, even the portrait was upset, although it's not alive. It's simply a reflection of the Blacks' attitude towards the survival of their lineage.

Am I to understand,’ said Phineas Nigellus slowly from Harry’s left, ‘that my great-great-grandson – the last of the Blacks – is dead?’

‘Yes, Phineas,’ said Dumbledore.
‘I don’t believe it,’ said Phineas brusquely.
Harry turned his head in time to see Phineas marching out of his portrait and knew that he had gone to visit his other painting in Grimmauld Place. He would walk, perhaps, from portrait to portrait, calling for Sirius through the house ...

By the time Regulus was 16, Sirius had already run away from home.

Now, explain to me, all you fans of the "Regulus was forced" idea, what would be going through Orion and Walburga's heads to make them push their last hope for the continuation of their lineage into joining a combat organization where people are constantly being killed?

Considering they didn't join themselves because they disliked the methods and probably understood Tom's real goals.

Walburga was in school with Tom Riddle and was two years older than him. Orion Black was also in school with Tom, but he was two years younger. By that time, Tom Riddle aka Voldemort, hadn't yet changed his appearance to the point of being unrecognizable. They all knew who Voldemort was. Tom Riddle. An orphan boy. Likely, they knew he was the heir of Slytherin, which was important for the Blacks because, for them, it wasn't about money but about blood. True nobility and dignity are in the blood, not wealth. The Blacks aren't the Malfoys. And as Sirius said, at some point, they were inspired by Tom's ambition to change the situation in their country, although Sirius obviously knew very little about Voldemort, as he was hardly discussed in front of the children. But initially, the Blacks were inspired because he was worthy, the heir of Slytherin, right?

Probably Orion, Arcturus/Pollux realized that Tom didn't care about blood purity. He cared about his own power. By the time they understood this, Tom's power was already too strong, and he had won much support among the pure-blood society, who believed he genuinely cared about pure-blood wizards.

Why did Sirius say he was sure their parents were proud of Regulus?

Because most likely, not both parents were proud, as Sirius doesn't mention the father at all, and Walburga had an irrational desire to see her son as a hero. Sirius – the lineage's continuer, and Regulus – a brave and courageous warrior for blood purity. Because being a Death Eater was seen as brave and cool. They were revolutionaries. Chosen warriors.

Moreover, Bella was already in the organization and could influence Walburga's opinion against Orion and Arcturus's wishes. Playing on Walburga's emotional irrationality wasn't very hard, especially for Bella and Rodolphus.

Bella was in love with Voldemort. Rodolphus was devoted to Voldemort from the start, as Lestrange Sr. had been a supporter of Tom since their school days. The Rosiers fall into the same group. Surprise, surprise, Bella's mother – Druella Rosier, was likely the sister of that very Rosier who was with Tom from the start and who was Evan Rosier's father. Cygnus Black is open for interpretation, but my headcanon is that from a young age, he was a bit more aggressive than the others and didn't quite fit into the family dynamics and control (and Bella took after him in part).

Who convinced Regulus to join the organization, even knowing Orion and the Blacks were against it?

From the little we know about Regulus, it's clear he was a maximalist inclined to broad "heroic" actions, with his own understanding of honor. He had been committed to the idea of blood purity from childhood, believing it to be truly noble and important. He wanted to be a hero and admired Voldemort. Also, always being second to Sirius, he wanted to prove his worth. That he too was strong and brave and capable of significant, but correct actions. And, our beloved Bella was there. She helped him join the organization at 16.

If you want tragedy in Regulus Black's story, here it is:

Regulus Black went to his death knowing he was the last of the Blacks. He destroyed his family. His lineage. Put an end to it. Even for Sirius, running away was easier because Regulus was still there. When Regulus went to his death, Sirius had already run away from home.

There's much more interesting stuff here than "Regulus was forced." But who cares, right? Fuck canon, live fanon.

[milunalupin]

— it's late

sirius black x reader ★ 1k words

"Hey." His hair is a tangled mess, the locks going in opposite directions. His face is covered in dirt and scratches. He wears more cuts under his battered clothes. He has a worn expression on his face. Sirius looks tired.

You sat up with a jolt, having almost fallen asleep. At your door stood Sirius Black. The two of you weren't super close, but you had been a part of the Order for a while now. Also having been close with Remus for several years helped Sirius trust you a little quicker than normal. That said, most of your conversations were less than sober ones after everyone came back from their respective missions.

"Sirius? What are you doing here?"

He let out a small sigh, resting his head against the doorframe. He's never been the type to ask people for help.

"Needed some help patchin' up."

He lifted up his shirt, slightly revealing a long, deep cut on his side. It wasn't bleeding too much anymore, but was definitely still painful. He winced a little as he moved, his expression taut.

"No offense, but is Remus not available?" you shift in your bed, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

Sirius huffed out a breath through his nose, his jaw clenching. He didn't particularly want to bug Remus late at night either, but he hadn't been expecting you to refuse.

"Nah, he's sleeping. Sorry, I'll just go ask—"

"Hey- I'm sorry. I can do it. Here, sit down." you made space on your bed as you crouched down to get your kit from underneath.

A hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Despite your emerging friendship, he's always had a soft spot for your kindness. He pushed himself away from your door, reluctantly sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"You good at this kind of thing?" He questioned, his voice still coarse. He adjusted himself a little in his seat, pulling his shirt up halfway. Sirius watched intently as you rummaged through your kit, his eyes fixed on the way your nimble fingers quickly found your potions and gauze.

"I do happen to be a healer at St. Mungo's," the corners of your mouth quirked up, and small glimmer of confidence in your eyes as you began to clean the wounds. "So I'd like to think so."

"Shit, careful." He flinches slightly when you get to the deep cut on his side., his gaze shifting from your hands to your face, his eyes meeting yours.

"You're fine." you rolled your eyes playfully. "You're the one who should be careful if anything."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He huffed out with a slight smirk, watching you closely.

Sirius has always been fond of you, of course he has. Despite his intimidating exterior, he appreciated your gentle kindness whenever you both ran across each other. But of course, he'd never admit it. He winced slightly again when you pressed down a little harder on the cut on his side. "God, you tryin' to kill me doll?"

"It means you could be a little less reckless as when you're going on missions. Who's going to drink with me if you're dead?" you joked, wrapping the gauze gently around his wound.

He lets out a bark of a laugh, shaking his head lightly. He loved the way you didn't tiptoe around him everyone else did. Although the accusations of him being a spy for the Death Eaters eventually died, it was a breath of fresh air to be with someone who never treated him differently.

"Oi, I'm not gonna die. I'm too damn stubborn for that." He says in a teasing manner, enjoying the banter between the two of you. He continues to watch you as you finish wrapping the bandage around his torso, his eyes never leaving your face.

"You're right about that." you teased, lightly patting your work as you stand up. "Are you good to walk back to your room on your own or am I gonna have to find you a cane?"

Sirius chuckled at your comment, shaking his head. He slowly stood up from your bed, testing out how well he could move with the wrapped cut on his side. It still hurt, but he could ignore it.

"No, I'm good doll. Not too old to walk yet."

He smirked, his eyes meeting yours. There was something different in his gaze now. He looked at you with a hint of fondness. You wrung your hands together nervously, hoping that it was too dark for him to notice the growing blush on your face.

"Alright well, careful with your side. Goodnight Sirius."

He paused for a moment, his eyes locking with yours. He wanted to stay with you, to spend more time with your warm presence. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Can I ask you something real quick?"

"Yeah, what is it?" you asked, now sitting in bed once again.

Sirius took a deep breath, a hint of vulnerability in his eyes. He leaned against the wall, shoving his hands in his pockets to look as nonchalant as possible. This wasn't easy for him.

"I... I was wondering if you'd want to join me on patrol with me tomorrow. Arthur's helping Molly out with the kids."

Your eyebrows stitched together, tilting your head to the side as you tried to remember. "Patrol? I don't recall seeing one scheduled for tomorrow."

"You're so right, there's not. I uh- I just wanted an excuse to spend some time with you," he ran a hand through his dark curls, letting out a dry laugh. "I'm not as good at this as I used to be, alright?"

You had to bite down on your bottom lip to hold back your grin, but your efforts were unsuccessful. "I suppose I could find some room in my very busy schedule."

His eyebrows shot up, a delighted smile growing on his face. "Yeah?"

The old floorboards creaked as you made your way to him. You nodded and leaned up to press a kiss to his stubbly cheek. "Go to sleep, Sirius."

"You're mental if you think I'm sleeping now, sweet girl."

[noblehouseofgay]

Polyjuice

Black Brothers microfic

Mentioned jegulus and wolfstar

Hurt/comfort

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Regulus had died two years ago. Or at least that's what people thought. In reality, Regulus had faked his death and has been living off polyjuice ever since. He works at a bar, one hidden away from the usual crowds and chaos. It's quiet, he honestly enjoys it.

Except tonight. Because tonight. His brother is a customer. He hadn't even seen him first come in, only felt a strange chill down his back. When he turned around to see the familiar figure, he dropped a glass.

"You alright there, mate?" Gods, he hadn't heard his brother's voice in so long. He'd missed it.

Truthfully Regulus had planned to find his brother again after he faked his death. Tell him the truth, make amends. But Sirius had moved on. He had a good life. Regulus couldn't bring himself to ruin it, not again.

"Yes. The glass just slipped." He bent down, cleaning the shards up, trying to keep his hands from shaking. When he stood back up, he looked everywhere but at Sirius. "What can I get you?"

"Something strong, your choice." Regulus nodded.

And then he had a terrible idea. One of his worst yet. This might be his only chance to talk to his brother again. Even if it was with the face of a stranger, he couldn't miss the opportunity.

"Rough night then?" He started mixing a drink, one he knew Sirius used to like.

"Family stuff, always such a fucking mess, y'know?"

"I do. Believe me....I do." Turns out, Regulus was in the mood to make terrible choices tonight. "You have any siblings?"

Sirius nodded. It felt like a light was flickering back on in Regulus' chest. "I did...I- I do. A brother."

"What's his name?"

"James."

Regulus swore his heart stopped in that moment.

He felt like his entire body was going to collapse into itself. Maybe he should've actually died. That would've been better than this.

He bit his lip, hands shaking. He shoved the drink towards Sirius, letting liquid slosh over the side. "Don't lie. It's unbecoming." His voice was venom, using the words their mother had used against them both so many times.

Regulus ripped off his apron and stormed off to the back room, reaching for the door to the alley behind the bar. He gasped for air as the chill of outside hit him.

He threw the apron at a wall and fell to his knees.

It doesn't matter if he was alive or dead. Regulus meant nothing to his brother.

He choked out sobs, digging his nails into his arms. What was even the point anymore? Yes he had lived, but what for?

"You made a mistake, using her words." Sirius was in the alley now. Regulus didn't look. "It's really you...isn't it?"

"Does it matter? I'm not your brother." Regulus dragged himself to his feet, wiping away tears with his sleeve.

"Yes you are, Reg."

"Well I wasn't two minutes ago apparently. Just because you found out I'm alive doesn't change what you said. Dead or alive, James is still my replacement."

Sirius sighed. "Did you even stop to consider I didn't say you because it hurt too much?"

"THEN HURT! I'D RATHER THAT THAN FEELING LIKE YOU FORGOT ME!" His words broke as they came out, he stared at his brother, tears making him blurry. Regulus leaned against the wall, using it so he didn't fall again.

Sirius slowly walked closer. "Reg...why didn't you come find me? I mourned you. I thought I'd lost you for good."

Regulus stared at his brother. He sighed. "I was going to. I really was." Regulus worried at his lip. "But you seemed happy. And I had ruined that once before, I couldn't let myself do it again."

Regulus took a breath in, closing his eyes as he felt the polyjuice wear off. He looked up at his older brother with his own eyes once again.

Sirius' face softened, taking in the sight of his little brother once more.

In a blink, Regulus felt Sirius' arms around him. He froze, he had forgotten what this had felt like. But the feeling quickly felt familiar as he pushed his face into his brother's shoulder. The smell and warmth of his brother felt like home, something he hadn't known since Sirius ran away.

"Come to my flat," Sirius spoke quietly, gently even, like he did when they were kids hiding under the sheets at night, "we'll talk...we'll catch up....because I am not losing you again, Reggie. Never again."

Regulus nodded, body still sagging into his brother's embrace. Sirius kissed his head and helped him stand.

They walked out of the alley in a comfortable silence. "Remus lives with me, but if I remember right, you liked him. I think he'll be happy to know you're alive."

Regulus was always fond of Remus, they were similar in a lot of ways. It would be nice to see him again.

"I'll have to see James again too won't I...." Sirius laughed a little. "Yeah, probably." Sirus had a sly smile. "But you might be happy to know he's single."

Regulus' eyes went wide and his face flushed. He shoved away from his brother. "I do not care if that oaf is single or not."

Sirus laughed. "Yeah, sure, Reggie. I know you hated him at one point, but I also know what your 'hate' can be a disguise for."

Regulus rolled his eyes and scowled. "I hate him. End of story."

Sirius ruffled his hair. "Keep telling yourself that, Reggie."

[iamnmbr3]

So it seems like in the period before his fall in 1981 Voldemort had begun a period of rapid escalation in the intensity/violence of his activities.

In book 5 Moody shows Harry a picture of the original Order. Most of the people in that picture ended up dead. Since Lily and James are in the picture (and are both Order members and not in hiding or still in school) we know the picture was taken no later than 1980 and no earlier than 1978. Thus, all the people in the picture who ended up dead (Benjy Fenwick, Caradoc Dearborn, Dorcas Meadows, Gideon and Fabian Prewett, Edgar Bones and his family, Marlene McKinnon etc.) died in a relatively short period of time. (In fact we know from Lily's letter in book 7 that the McKinnons died only shortly before Lily & James were killed).

Furthermore, we know from Sirius that when Regulus joined the Death Eaters, Walburga and Orion were both very happy because at the time they supported Voldemort. However, Sirius says they later got cold feet when they saw "what Voldemort was prepared to do to get power." Clearly they didn't renounce their blood supremacist ideology. But probably plunging the whole of the wizarding world into a bloody civil war in which even purebloods who didn't offer total loyalty and compliance. were at risk, wasn't something they approved of. Regulus died in 1979, having presumably come to a similar conclusion to his parents and consequently turned against Voldemort. Since Regulus would have joined up in 1977 or 1978 this suggests that when he joined, Voldemort hadn't yet begun his escalation but by 1979 it was in full swing.

Going back even further, based on Dumbledore's memory of Tom returning to apply once more for the DADA job, it seems that at that time Tom was already using the title "Lord Voldemort." However clearly at that point he wasn't a wanted man as in the memory he doesn't seem to be hiding his identity at all and clearly has no concern that Dumbledore is going to summon the Aurors and shout, "seize him!" So even if Voldemort was already a rallying point for blood supremacists that early on, he certainly wasn't yet involved (openly anyway) in any type of illegal activity.

So it seems that Voldemort started off slowly, perhaps even as the head of an extremist but still legally legitimate political faction, maybe with his Death Eaters secretly engaging in some illegal activities and then around 1978 or 1979 he initiated a rapid and violent escalation aimed at totally crushing all his opposition and seizing total control by force. (And he may well have been very near to succeeding in that goal when he lost his powers in 1981).

(I will also add that from a shipping perspective there's something else really interesting about this timeline. Alphard died around 1977. Now I'm not saying that Alphard was the last restraining factor that held Tom even somewhat in check or that when he died the last piece of Tom's humanity went with him or that Tom went mad with grief and fully succumbed to his darkest impulses or that he no longer saw any reason to hold back. But also I'm not, not saying that. Alphalord is totally canon.)

[bradleysass]

Five - @black-brothers-microfic - wc: 1k - i apologize this got away from me.

CW: grief, loss

Regulus never imagined he would end up here. Not in a million dreams did he think he'd be sitting in a circle of five strangers, in the dimly lit basement of some community center, discussing loss as if grief could be measured and dissected. Yet, here he was—knees together, hands clenched, his brother sitting stiffly beside him, as though he were ready to bolt at the first opportunity.

Sirius hadn't spoken much since they arrived, which was a relief. He had his own grief, but his presence alone made Regulus feel as though he weren’t drowning entirely. The others had spoken in hushed voices, sharing stories about mothers, fathers, siblings, lovers. And Regulus? He had remained silent, staring at the empty chair next to him.

Because James Potter had claimed it as his own.

No one else could see him. No one noticed the way James lounged in the chair, drumming his fingers against the armrest as if he were meant to be there. His posture was lazy, effortless—like he wasn’t a ghost, like he wasn’t supposed to be dead.

Regulus refused to look at him.

"Regulus," the group leader said softly, drawing his attention away from the impossible weight beside him. "Do you want to share?"

He didn't. He wanted to stand up and walk out, but Sirius' presence held him there. His brother had dragged him here in the first place, thinking it would help, and maybe—just maybe—he didn’t want to disappoint him.

Regulus exhaled slowly. "I lost someone," he said, voice rough. "A long time ago. But it doesn’t feel long. It feels like yesterday. It feels like right now."

James hummed. "I like that. Poetic. You always had a way with words, Reggie."

Regulus' hands clenched, nails digging into his palm. "I thought it would get easier. I thought time would make it better. But it hasn’t. It’s only stretched out the pain, made it something I carry every single day."

The woman across from him, the one who had lost her husband, nodded sympathetically. "It doesn't get easier. It just gets different."

Regulus nearly scoffed. Different. Sure. Different in the way that James was still here, still a presence lingering at the edge of his vision. Different in the way that he could still hear him, still see his crooked grin and those damned glasses perched on his nose. Different in the way that Regulus could never let him go because James refused to leave.

Sirius shifted beside him, uncomfortable. He had no idea. No one did.

James leaned forward, elbows on his knees, close enough that if he had been real, Regulus could have felt his breath against his skin. "Tell them about me."

Regulus inhaled sharply, shaking his head. "I can’t. I don’t even know where to begin."

The group leader frowned. "Can’t what?"

James tilted his head, amused. "Can’t tell them, or can’t admit it to yourself?"

Regulus' throat felt tight. He stared down at his hands. "I can’t forget him. I don’t know how. I don’t think I ever will."

The group was silent for a moment, absorbing his words in the way only people who have known loss could. There was a kind of understanding in their eyes, but none of them could truly know. None of them had to sit next to their ghost every single day.

James smiled, gentle and knowing. "I know." He leaned back in his chair, utterly at peace with his place in Regulus' life. "And I’m not going anywhere."

Regulus swallowed past the ache in his chest. He already knew that. He had known it for years, ever since James had died and left a chasm in his life that no amount of time could fill. He had tried everything—distraction, denial, even outright anger. But nothing ever made the weight of James' absence any lighter.

The group leader gave him a small, encouraging nod. "Holding on to the memory of someone you love is natural. Sometimes, our grief takes form in ways we don’t expect."

Regulus almost laughed. If only she knew.

"He’s here," he whispered before he could stop himself.

Sirius turned sharply, eyes narrowing. "Regulus—"

James, unbothered, smirked. "Go on. Tell them."

Regulus swallowed. "I mean, it feels like he’s here. Always. Everywhere. Like I can still hear him, still see him, still feel him next to me. As if he never left at all."

The woman who had lost her husband gave him a knowing look. "That’s normal," she said gently. "Sometimes, love is so strong that it doesn’t leave us, even when the person does."

James snorted. "See? I’m not a ghost. I’m just persistent."

Regulus clenched his jaw. "You’re not real."

"I’m real to you," James countered, grin softening. "And isn’t that enough?"

It should have been. It should have been comforting, having James so close, so unchanged, so effortlessly present. But it wasn’t. It was a cruel reminder that no matter how much he held on, James would never be truly there. He would never laugh the way he used to, never ruffle Regulus’ hair, never pull him into his orbit with that same gravitational force.

And yet, Regulus could not bring himself to let go.

He let out a shaky breath. "I don’t know if I want to move on."

"Then don’t," James said simply. "Not yet."

Sirius, beside him, had gone still. He knew that look on Regulus' face—had seen it before in the mirror when he had first escaped Grimmauld Place, when he had left behind the ghosts of his own past. But this was different. This was Regulus still carrying a ghost on his shoulder, letting it guide him, keep him from moving forward.

"Regulus," Sirius said, his voice quieter now, cautious. "He wouldn't want you to be stuck like this."

James smirked. "How do you know what I’d want, Pads?"

Regulus sucked in a breath at the old nickname, at the way James' voice was so full of fondness, the way he still spoke like he belonged here. Maybe he did. Maybe Regulus wanted him to.

The session continued around him, people sharing their stories, their pain, their longing. But Regulus remained trapped between what was real and what wasn’t, between the past and the future, between holding on and letting go.

James, ever patient, just sat beside him, waiting for him to decide.

@accio-sriracha @leeny-leens @rosiesangel

[maxdibert]

I agree with you. It's so sad how underappreciated he is in the order. Like, I literally find those parts painful to read. They didn't even try to understand him. Now Death Eaters have their issues of course and I sometimes feel bad about it but it's genuinely refreshing to see how they treated him. Even when you compare Bellatrix questioning him in Half Blood Prince Vs Sirius doing it in Order of the Phoenix she's actually nicer than him, not that he's a high bar lmao. But at least she never attacks him personally. It's about how she thinks he's not loyal and not that she thinks he's literal scum like Sirius does.

Severus and Lucius's dynamic is my favorite. It can be written as a ship or platonically like you say and it's great either way. Lucius and Narcissa seemed like the people who respected him the most. Do you think if Severus hadn't died, they'd continue being friends? Like, they ended up betraying too especially Narcissa.

I enjoy some Snapemort fics but my main problem is Voldemort killed him, I can't overlook that. He's also so old like you said (he was 34 when Severus was born!) and he's not a person I'd want to see in romantic or sexual situations lmao. Any relationship with him is bound to be abusive or problematic and that's not what I'd want for Severus after everything he's been through.

Yeah, I mean, Bellatrix questions him from a place of distrust toward Severus's intentions. She questions him as a soldier, she questions his loyalty, but she doesn’t attack him personally. And let’s remember: Bellatrix has no problem hurling all kinds of verbal abuse, and she also sees half-bloods as filth, but even then, she never goes for a low blow. We know she doesn’t trust him, we know she probably doesn’t think he’s worthy of being that close to Voldemort, but she doesn’t cross the line. And again, we’re talking about Bellatrix. Bellatrix does whatever the hell she wants and treats people however the hell she wants, she has zero reason to show Severus any deference, and yet, she does.

Meanwhile, Sirius straight up calls him by the bullying nickname he was branded with and completely disrespects him, and Sirius is supposed to be one of the “good guys.” Sirius sees him as trash, tells him so to his face, and treats him accordingly. Sirius who, after Azkaban, literally contributes nothing to the Order beyond offering his house. Sirius, who at that point is kind of useless because he doesn’t even have the strength or composure for the harder missions. He doesn’t respect Severus, and he shows it.

The only ones who show him any respect—any at all—are Arthur and Molly (mostly Molly), and I get the sense that’s mostly because he’s their kids’ teacher and that gives him some kind of position in their eyes, but that’s it. The rest either tolerate him because Dumbledore says they have to, or look down on him like he’s not literally the most important agent in that shitty organization, and the one risking his ass the most for everyone else.

I mean, he’s a literal spy. The rest of them are running around doing side missions like kids, while Severus is daily risking his life and working himself to the brink physically and magically to make sure neither Voldemort nor the other DEs find him out. And the morons in the Order still treat him like garbage. I swear I would’ve told them all to go fuck themselves, honestly.

As for his relationship with the Malfoys, I think it would’ve been complicated. I mean, I really think they did care about him, whether that started as Lucius’s personal project to turn the poor half-blood kid into a proper member of magical high society, or whether it genuinely developed into affection over the years. Honestly, I think that after that initial “recruitment” phase where Lucius lured him to the dark side, he eventually came to see him as part of his inner circle.

I mean, throughout the series, we see Lucius constantly talking about Severus like he’s amazing, and honestly, considering that Lucius is an only child—and Severus too—I think over time they developed this dynamic of condescending older brother/little brother. Or at least Lucius saw it that way. And I think that dynamic extended to Narcissa as Lucius’s partner. In Half-Blood Prince we see that Narcissa knows where his crappy house in Spinner’s End is, which tells us they were very close. Because Severus isn’t exactly open about his personal life, especially not his Muggle past, and especially not the fact that he lives in a literal slum, but Narcissa walks through those streets like she’s been there before. That suggests a pretty high level of intimacy, enough for him to have told them where he came from and where he lives. That’s no small thing. I think they had a genuine relationship, and that’s why the Malfoys probably ended up really angry with him.

Like, it’s one thing to betray Voldemort at the last minute to save your own skin, and a whole other thing to have been playing both sides all along. Severus betrayed their trust, and that’s a fact. He worked for the enemy behind their backs for years, passed along information, played for the other team the entire time. He lied to them. And honestly, I would be devastated to find out that a close friend of mine—someone I really trusted—had been working behind my back to take me down.

I’m sorry, but that’s how it is: from their perspective, that’s what happened. So yeah, I think they would’ve been furious and deeply disappointed. There would’ve been a serious fallout there. And honestly, I think the Malfoys would be totally right to feel that way. Putting aside the moral or ethical judgments we might make about them, in this situation they’d have every right.

I think people don’t realize that Severus actually sacrificed relationships and friendships as a double agent. People just go “oh but those relationships were with the ‘bad guys’” like that somehow makes them not count. But they do count. He was actively working against people who genuinely cared about him—and I’m sure he cared about them too—just to do the right thing. That’s tragic as hell.

I don’t ship Voldemort with anyone because honestly he gives me the creeps.

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Hi, could you do one where Sirius gets expelled after the “prank” and he goes off to Durmstrang to continue his education. Basically, he falls off the radar for a couple of years because he thought the marauders won’t want to hear from him. Happy ending please, where he reunites with James after they both graduated.

"The fuck do you mean you're expelled?" James says. He's white with rage. His hand on the mirror is shaking. 

Sirius looks so bloody uncomfortable, not to mention depressed. He's looked depressed ever since James got back to the dormitory after pulling Snape out of the passageway to the Shrieking Shack. 

"No one gets expelled." 

"Well apparently, nearly getting someone killed gets you expelled. My parents are sending me to Durmstrang to finish school." 

"Durmstrang?" James repeats dumbly. His brain isn't working. He's pretty sure his brain stopped the instant Sirius said the word 'expelled', and it won't restart until he gets the news that this is a bad joke. "But Durmstrang's in another country." They'll never get to see each other if he goes to Durmstrang. The mirrors won't reach that far, and it's too far to floo. Owls will take days to send letters back and forth. 

"Yeah, my parents are hoping it straightens me out or summat, I dunno." Sirius won't meet his eyes. "Er, look, I've got to get going. I didn't want to just disappear on you, but I'm supposed to be at Durmstrang in the morning, so." He swallows thickly. "Bye, James." 

"Wait, don't-" he tries to say, but Sirius already broke the connection, leaving James staring at his own horrified expression. "Durmstrang?" he repeats to himself. He tries the mirror again, but Sirius doesn't pick up. His parents probably rushed him right out the door, happy to send their black sheep son away. 

James tosses the mirror down and hurries out of the dormitory to the Headmaster's office. Surely, Professor Dumbledore will correct this situation. What if Sirius's parents lied to him about being expelled to take advantage of the situation? James wouldn't put it past them. The more he thinks about it as he walks, the more he thinks that that must be what happened. Sirius isn't actually expelled. He can't be. 

Fuck, what is he going to do if Sirius is actually expelled? He can't go through the rest of Hogwarts without Sirius here. 

*

Durmstrang is miserable. 

Maybe all school is miserable, Sirius reflects. He only liked Hogwarts because James was there. And now James isn't here at Durmstrang, so he just hates it. 

The magical knowledge he's learning is actually quite nice. Durmstrang goes more into curses and has a stronger runes class, so Sirius finally feels like he's being challenged in class instead of reading the book and already knowing all the coursework because of it. 

He tries to pay as much attention to his classes as he can, but it doesn't fix the hole in his chest where James used to be. He must be furious with Sirius. He wants to think about James so he can remember the good times, but they've been irrevocably soured by what he did. He nearly got Snape killed. Snape definitely would have died if James hadn't stepped in, and Sirius would be responsible. For someone like James, who had such a firm stance on what was right and what was wrong, what Sirius did is unforgivable. It makes his heart ache every time he thinks about it, so he tries not to think about it.

But all he can do is think about it.

Pouring himself into his classes works as a passable distraction half the time, and the other half of the time he's miserably bored out of his mind. He has no friends here, and they don't want to be friends with him. That's just as well; none of them could compare to James or the other Marauders, so why try?

He keeps picking up his quill to write James letters. He wants to tell his best mate about his day, the neat magic he's picked up here, how much he misses him... but James doesn't think of him as a friend anymore. Most days, he drips ink over the parchment and then bins it with no words written. Other times, he'll write out the letter like they're still the best of friends, detailing all the things he yearns to tell James. He bins those as well.

He misses James so bloody much, it feels like one of his arms is missing. He turns, and James isn't there. He's sad, and James isn't there to cheer him up or just keep him company. 

He hates this. He hates losing his friends because he said something stupid, and he hates even more that Snape was an idiot that decided to listen to him. 

He's so sodding miserable that he genuinely doesn't know what to do. But he has classes in the morning, so he continues to get out of bed and drag himself to his classes. He has homework, so he does the homework. They put food in front of him, so he eats. 

He doesn't go back for the winter holidays. He doesn't want to spend time with his family in Britain, where he'll feel the absence of James even more. 

His parents tell him not to come back over the summer. They find a magical bed and breakfast and rent him a room for the entire season. It's just as well; he didn't want to go back to Britain anyways. 

*

Sirius is freshly graduated from Durmstrang when his family send word that Uncle Alphard has died, and his presence is requested at the funeral. He knows an order when he sees one, and normally that would be enough for him to say no out of principle, but he liked Uncle Alphard. He's going to miss him. Uncle Alphard was the only person to regularly send him letters once he transferred to Durmstrang. 

He steps foot on British soil for the first time in over two years, and Merlin, he missed this place. Durmstrang was never home; Britain was. 

He's bigger than he was the last time he saw his parents and Regulus. In their minds, he stopped growing once he moved. It's obvious what they thought when their eyes go wide at the sight of him. There's nothing else shocking about his appearance to do it-- his hair is the same length, his clothes the same, his coloring unchanged away from the British cloudy sky. But he's bigger now. Taller, yes, but his shoulders have gone broad and filled out in the time he's been gone. He doesn't look quite so much like a teenager now; he looks like a man. 

His family don't offer hugs, and he doesn't expect them. He's here for Uncle Alphard's funeral and after that...

Sirius has no idea what happens after that. He always had it in his mind that he'd move back here once he was done with school, but to what end? He has no friends left here. If he stays in England, the ache of James will always be close. What would he do if he saw James on the street? He half-expects to cry and beg him to understand that Sirius didn't think Snape would be stupid enough to listen to him, that it was all just a misunderstanding when Sirius taunted him because it's not as if Snape didn't already suspect that Remus was a werewolf. It wouldn't matter. James is all about trust, and Sirius broke that, didn't he? Two and some years won't change that. 

As for the rest of Britain's Wizarding World, it's common knowledge that Sirius was expelled. He doesn't know if the details ever made it out, but an expulsion doesn't look good on a job application. He'll probably go back to the continent and find work there. All his professors at Durmstrang loved him, since his lack of friends made sure he threw himself into his coursework. He has good references there, and none of them care that he was expelled from Hogwarts. As far as they're concerned, Hogwarts's loss was their gain. 

The more he thinks about it, the more he's sure that this is a visit, not moving back home. He has no place here. Professors that thought fondly of him have had two years without. His friends here turned to hating him before he even left. His family- well, the less said about them, the better. His prospects are good on the continent; they're nonexistent in Britain. 

He grows more certain with this course as he sits through Uncle Alphard's memorial service. He was a fool to ever think he'd come back here after graduating Durmstrang. There's nothing for him here. 

Nothing but heartache, he amends a moment later. The Potter's are here. Fleamont and Euphemia are, at least, dressed in respectful robes. He doesn't see James standing beside them. He swallows thickly, mourning that he couldn't catch a glimpse of him while in the country. It doesn't make sense why they're here, though. As far as Sirius knew, Uncle Alphard never had anything to do with the Potter's; the only Black family tie to the Potter's was Sirius himself. 

He drags his eyes away from them and back onto the person speaking. He can do this. He just needs to make it through the rest of the memorial service, and stay an appropriate amount of time at the wake afterwards. Then he can leave and never look back. 

The wake is being held outside, and there's easily a hundred people present, which is surprising, considering Uncle Alphard wasn't the most sociable person. His plan to leave after an hour is thrown off the rails when James appears from nowhere and bowls into him in the strongest hug Sirius has ever been on the receiving end of. 

He pulls back with a heartstopping grin, not letting go of Sirius as if he's afraid he'll run away. Merlin. For as much as Sirius has grown, James has matched him. And if Sirius thought he was attractive back then? It's nothing compared to now. He's filled out, and Sirius's eyes trail over him helplessly. 

"I didn't see you at the service," Sirius says. 

"My parents sent for me when they saw you there. I would've shown up immediately, but I think it would've made a bit of a scene if I did this there." James hugs him again. "You absolute arse, you fell off the map for years and then don't even tell me when you're back in the country?" 

"Why would I have told you?" Sirius asks blankly. 

James pulls back-- still touching him though-- and frowns. 

"I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore." 

"Why the hell would you think that?" James asks, frown deepening. "I've been sending you letters. Why wouldn't I want to see you?" 

"You've been sending me letters?" 

James's arms drop down to his sides. "You didn't get them?" 

Numbly, Sirius shakes his head. His life since his expulsion from Hogwarts is starting to rearrange itself in his mind. James is happy to see him; he was sending him letters. James never hated him, and might still think of Sirius as his best friend even with the silence of the last few years. 

"I'm going to kill your parents," James scowls, because it was certainly them who set up a block so Sirius didn't receive any of his letters. 

"They can wait," Sirius says, a smile creeping across his face. "You missed me?" 

James groans theatrically. "Like you wouldn't believe. Moony and Wormtail got so sick of me whinging about it that they avoided me for a couple weeks. That just made everything worse though, since you weren't returning my letters. Not your fault, I now know." He pats Sirius's shoulder, like he needed to be reassured. If Sirius is honest with himself, he did need it. "How've you been? Are you moving back? You didn't replace me with a different best mate, did you? Also, you're still taller than me, you arsehole. I was so sure I'd have caught up with you next time we saw each other." 

"I didn't replace you," Sirius says, affronted that James even considered it. Though Sirius certainly thought James was doing that at Hogwarts, but their situations were different. "And erm-" James isn't going to like this bit "-I was thinking about staying on the continent. I've got better prospects there." 

For a moment, James is speechless. He stares at Sirius, his eyes wide and disbelieving. "You can't leave me again." 

Sirius swallows thickly. He doesn't want to leave James, especially since it turns out he isn't mad at him, but everything he thought before he saw James here is still true. He was expelled from Hogwarts. He has no good recommendations in this country. He doesn't mind an uphill battle, but Britain might not even let him show up to the fight. He'll be out before he can start. 

"Sirius, you can't- I'm not-" he stops, frustrated, and runs a hand through his hair. "Okay. Fuck. I wasn't going to say it because I didn't want to scare you off, but if you're already going to leave, I've got nothing to lose." 

"What are you talking about?"

"I fancy you," James blurts. His eyes are hot on Sirius's skin. Everything about James is intense, and this is no exception. Sirius wants to squirm under that gaze, which sends his mind to places entirely inappropriate for a wake. "A lot. Always have, though I didn't know it at the beginning. And once I figured it out, I didn't want to risk ruining our friendship, but with you planning to leave again, I figured it's now or never." 

Sirius can hardly believe what he's hearing. It's a dream come true-- literally. He can't count how many times he's dreamed of this: James forgiving him, James never being mad at him, James professing his love for him. 

Before Sirius can tell him that he definitely wants to date him, someone appears at his elbow. "Are you Sirius Black?" The someone in question is a distinguished middle-aged man in expensive robes. 

James takes a hasty step back, only now drawing Sirius's attention to how long they'd been standing very close to each other. 

Sirius clears his throat, else it would come out husky and wholly inappropriate. "Yeah, that's me." 

"Excellent." He holds out his hand. "Dorian Greengrass, esquire. I need to speak with you regarding Alphard Black's will." 

"Erm." Sirius glances at James, who is looking a bit heartbroken. It's not his fault! They were interrupted before Sirius could profess his undying love. All right, maybe not that exactly, but it would be the spirit of it. "Can you give me a second?" he asks Greengrass. 

The man takes one pointed step back and waits expectantly. 

Bugger everything. He's imagined this moment a thousand times, and not once was a solicitor watching them. Sirius isn't going to let him ruin this, though. He puts a hand on James's shoulder and leans in, speaking directly in his ear. His voice is a soft whisper, fanning gently over James's skin. "I feel the same way." He squeezes his arm, hoping it conveys everything he can't say with their audience. "Give me a minute and I'll come back to you." 

He can hear James swallow. "I'll hold you to that." James tilts his head just so, and his lips brush over Sirius's cheek, branding him as surely as he did back in first year when he declared they were going to be best friends. 

[whimsymoonpages]

ink and bone chapter 9: what kind of love

cw: mentions of war and death, cursing, dumbledore did what he thought was best (which is hard for everyone as always), denial is a river in EGYPT, truth is revealed!

the fire crackles low in the hearth. remus has added a few sprigs of juniper to the flames—it smells sharp and green and slightly sweet, like something halfway between a forest and a forgotten cupboard. you sit cross-legged on the worn rug, your back warm from the heat, your hands cupped around a chipped mug of tea you haven't touched.

james leans back against the kitchen counter, arms folded. he's got a constellation of freckles on one forearm, a dark bruise blooming near his elbow. sirius is perched on the back of the armchair, boots still on, hair tied back haphazardly. remus has lowered himself onto the floor beside you, his shoulder nearly touching yours. he hasn't looked away from the fire.

none of them have spoken in a while. then, james clears his throat.

"we left hogwarts straight into war," james begins, voice steady but low. his fingers twitch on the table's edge. "we were seventeen. we thought we were invincible. all of us—me, sirius, remus. lily. marlene. dorcas. frank and alice. kingsley. even molly and arthur—we all thought we could fix the world."

"dumbledore said we were brave. courageous, as gryffindors ought to be." sirius spits angrily. he rolls his eyes and crosses his tattooed arms. "it was a nice way for him to tell us we are disposable." 

his gaze drops to the cup in front of him. he hasn't touched it. the steam has already faded. 

"we all joined quickly. that is, everyone who hadn't already been lost." james murmurs.

you remember them, flashes of youth and power, walking the halls at hogwarts like they owned the place. lily in her red jumper, always laughing too loudly. james following two steps behind, starry-eyed. sirius with his collar popped and mischief tucked behind every smirk. remus always quieter, but always there. the marauders.

"we lost dorcas first," sirius says quietly. he's pacing now, can't sit still. his boots make soft, agitated sounds against the floorboards, and his fingers keep brushing the small silver ring on his thumb. "marlene went not long after. lily—"

he stops.

"lily was mine," james says, too quickly, his voice pained as ever. "she died right before the final battle. not in it. before. it wasn't clean. nothing about this ever is."

you nod, barely.

remus still hasn't said a word. he's sitting curled up on the armchair by the fire, an unread book in his lap. the corners of the pages are worn, like maybe he's been pretending to read it all day.

"regulus too," sirius adds, throat thickening. "my brother. he—he tried to turn back. did turn back. he tried so hard to help us, but didn't make it out."

you glance at sirius, at the shadow clinging to the edge of his mouth. he still holds himself like a prince, all lean lines and defiance, but his eyes are raw, and his jaw is covered with stubble.

remus finally speaks. "my parents died too. my mum—muggle medicine calls it cancer. it was slow. ugly. i was already neck-deep in the order by then. had to take a mission the day she died. my father..."

he doesn't finish. he doesn't have to. he doesn't look up. just picks at a loose thread on the sleeve of his jumper. you catch a glimpse of the mark on his wrist—it's faint, pulsing with soft starlight. he tugs his sleeve back down and catches your eyes.

"and lily," james says, seemingly stuck. "merlin, lily."

you press your mug tighter against your chest. you remember her smile. you remember how bright she was in the great hall, how james used to look at her like she held the fucking moon.

"she made everything better," he says, voice cracking. "we thought we could win. that we'd all live."

nobody speaks.

"marlene and dorcas died together," sirius says after a long while, his lips downturned. "frank was tortured. doesn't remember a damn thing now. alice is...holding on. barely, but enough for him."

"and peter," remus says quietly, and the air seems to still around him. "our best mate."

"he turned." james says, short and cold.

"he tried to rat us out to voldemort," sirius adds, jaw tight. "but remus caught it. figured out his messages didn't line up. there were codes we used back then, only he knew something was wrong."

remus shakes his head. "it was too late, but it helped. peter led them into a trap—one he didn't know was a trap. voldemort fell that night."

"after the war ended, dumbledore gave us clearance to arrest the rest of them," sirius says. "the death eaters who ran. you don't know what that's like—walking into a house, and it's someone you used to sit next to in transfiguration. someone you beat at chess. someone you kissed at seventeen."

his voice cracks. remus reaches out and presses a hand to sirius's arm, grounding him.

"i had to arrest my cousins," sirius finishes, nearly whispering. "bella, of course, didn't look scared."

there's a silence so still it rings in your ears.

and then james says, very quietly: "and then dumbledore split us up."

your head snaps up. remus is still leaning against the counter, but now his expression is hard. like stone. like someone who's already survived the fire, and now has to walk through ash.

"he said it was for our safety," james says.

"bullshit," remus snaps, throwing his hands up in the air. "we were all we had left."

they must've told this story so many times it lives in their bones.

"you're not serious," sirius had said, voice flat.

dumbledore looked tired. older than he seemed to look at school, like he'd spent the last decade trying to hold a leaky dam with his bare hands.

"i am," he said flatly. "you will all be relocated. separate locations. new names, if necessary."

"you can't—" james stepped forward, not believing this was happening. "professor, we've already lost—"

"everyone," remus said. low. barely above a whisper. his hands were clenched at his sides. his mouth trembling like he was trying to hold back everything. "i lost my mother to cancer," he said. "i lost my father to a bomb. i lost my friends. i've lost job offers and flats and any chance at a normal fucking life because of what i am—"

"remus," dumbledore tried to reason. "we can help you."

"—and now you're telling me i can't even keep them?" his voice broke. tears welled in his eyes and flowed without permission. "my best friends?"

no one said anything. the silence rang out louder than shouting.

"i'm not a risk," remus said, quieter now. "i'm all that's left."

dumbledore's voice, when it came, was firm. "this isn't a punishment. it's protection."

but the damage had already been done.

remus still hasn't moved. he's struggling to come back to the present.

"but then," james says, exhaling, "we got the letter."

"from dumbledore," sirius confirms. "a month ago. said there were whispers. movement. signs that the death eaters weren't finished."

"he told us to come here," james says. "to kenmare. to stop whatever's starting."

your hand tightens around your teacup. it's cooled too, but you don't dare look away.

when you speak, it's only: "i worked with frank, y'know," they all look at you. slowly, carefully. "i was a healer-in-training at st. mungo's. we were...understaffed, extremely desperate. they put us on the long-term floor with barely any training."

you wet your lips. "frank couldn't remember most of his life. he could hardly remember the fact that we knew each other. our parents were friends. poor bloke couldn't dress himself some days. but he always said alice's name. always whispered about the war. and at night—he'd scream. beg them to stop."

you meet their eyes, and they notice now that you were teary, too. everyone was affected by the war.

"i remember all of you from school, too," you say quietly. "i remember the pranks and the duels and the ridiculous matching scarves. but i also remember how you fought...how you never stopped fighting."

and then you whisper, voice wet, "i never thought it would be any of you."

the room stills. you tug at your neckline, just slightly, just enough for them to see the faint shimmer along your collarbone. the stars there are glowing softly now, responding to your words, your recognition.

sirius inhales sharply. remus closes his eyes. james... stares. like he's seeing you for the first time. just like he had stared the last time.

"you have the mark." sirius says, voice hoarse.

you nod.

"and it matches ours?"

you hesitate. "i don't know. maybe. i think so."

he pulls down his own shirt, and you see it glowing around his patchwork tattoos. remus pulls up his sleeve, and you see it there on his arm. james lets out a breath none of you knew he was holding. there it is: the truth.

you take a breath and cover yourself back up. "i found a file. a war file. it was about me."

"what? a war file? you were a healer—" james starts, confusion written on his face.

"exactly," you say. "i wasn't supposed to be involved. but this file... it said: "recommended initiation into active duty due to instability of mark. believed to be marked. multiple soul links? unconfirmed. useful.""

"multiple soul links?" sirius echoes, eyebrows raised. "well, i guess we know what that means."

he snorts at his own joke.

"and what the hell is instability of mark supposed to be?" remus murmurs, brows furrowed.

you shake your head. "i don't know. and there was another line. sealed under code urchin."

remus straightens slightly at that. "code urchin?"

"you've heard of it?" you sit up, eager to listen.

"maybe," james says. "but not enough. we need someone who'd know for sure."

sirius lifts a brow. "you're thinking what i'm thinking?"

"kingsley," they all say at once.

you blink. "you can just...call him?"

james grins. "he owes us more than a few favors."

"plus, doll, we only shared a dorm with him for seven years." sirius teases as he reaches for the little mirror on the mantelpiece, brushing ash off its rim. remus is already scribbling something on a bit of spare parchment.

you stay frozen, watching them move as one; older now, frayed at the edges, but still something solid between them. and, begrudgingly, you're part of this now. you don't know how it happened, but you can feel the thread tightening. the stars burning. you've acknowledged it now. they are your soulmates.

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taglist: @daydreamandforget, @lovelyteenagebeard, @cinnimona, @hxgemxscles

[ttulipwritezz]

King Of My Heart (Body And Soul)~ R. Lupin.

Chapter 2 -  Expectations

Ootp! Remus Lupin x Sirius's sister!Reader

Synopsis: When James and Lily died, and your brother was sent to Azkaban, Remus was the only person you have left. Until he left too. What happens when he returns after the events of Sirius's escape, only to find out you have a son? A son that's his.

WC: 1.4k

Warnings: lots of italics, probably grammatical mistakes, might be ooc idk, child (?), fem reader, italics are flashbacks ( idk), love (ew), Sirius is back, [ look at series masterlist for all content warnings]

A/n: This is more of the backstory and how they came to be, along with lots of awkwardness from both ends, I promise there's more remus in the next chapter <3 oh and reunion with Sirius and thanks to @lixzey for making me wanna push the awkwardness~ :) If you enjoyed this please reblog and comment :)

Series Masterlist, Main Masterlist, Navigation

You and Remus were in love, you had been in love for 6 years.

Everyone knew you'd be endgame, and your brother hated it, to an extent.

Sirius loved that his little sister was happy, that she had joy in her life after the roughness of their family life. But he was scared, scared because he knew how much Remus would push people away, push himself away.

He didn’t want you hurt. But you were.

~

You found out in October, two weeks before Halloween.

You had been talking with Lily through letters back and forth, discussing your recent morning nausea and sickness.

She had asked when was the last time you and Remus had slept together, strange you considered that question, you replied a week ago at most.

Her letter came back with the words "you might be pregnant, dear...why don't you take this potion i sent along?"

And along with it there was a potion in a small vial with a piece of parchment guiding you through the process.

All you had to do was drink half of the potion and wait for the other half to shift hues.

And sure enough, the once rust coloured potion soon turned blue, signalling your current state.

You were carrying Remus's child, a child you hadn't talked about, a child you were sure you weren't ready for.

~

It was now hallows eve, the day you thought you had worked up the courage to tell Remus.

Children around town had just finished trick or treating and your husband was bringing back the basket with remaining candy.

He came into the bedroom with you and went straight to the shower, promising to return in a bit.

Your eyes heavy with sleep, you sit down on the edge of the bed, waiting for Remus to come out of the bathroom.

He sees them on your trousers before in your eyes, your tears. His brows furrowed in concern and pity as he looked at your face, eyes dull with sorrow and fear, so uncharacteristic of your usual glimmer and joy.

"What's the matter, dove?" He asks, voice slightly hoarse from the drowsiness in the back of his mind.

You don't answer, only look at him like you're out of words. You're thinking, thinking what a little Remus would look like, how they’d have the same nose, probably his same freckles dusting their face, and the same sandy locks of hair with deep roots.

You wonder if he'd want this, a kid, if this could be the one thing Remus would give up the world for.

"Come here, darling" he says and takes your body into his, nuzzling your face in the warmth of his polyester sweater. He understands, he always does.

That's how you sleep that night, unaware of the chaos that was soon to follow.

~

Remus rushed out of bed the moment  the potter's deer patronus knocked on the window.

The white buck stopped at the foot of his bed and let out a call of help, soon disintegrating to mist after.

That night Remus lost three friends, you lost a brother to azkaban and you lost Remus.

He left the morning after. With your heart shattered to pieces, you let him go.

Your mind screamed at you to tell him. Tell him and maybe he'd stay. Tell him and maybe he'd reconsider. But your heart, ever the kind one, ever the selfless one, let him go. In hopes that one day you'd see him again.

Remus was half expecting you to slam the door in his face. To make a face of absolute disgust and just lock him out. But of course the other half of him was longing to hold you, see you after so long. So it came as a welcome surprise when you widened the door and let him inside.

 "Uhm...come in, please, we were expecting you" You said,  trying not to let your voice waver.

Remus felt so awkward. His hands were clammy, his posture was stiff and his jaw was clenched. He felt like he couldn't move, no more than if he had been hit with the petrificus curse.

You weren't in a much better predicament yourself. You could feel your eyes pricking with tears at the mere sight of him. The same man who left you. The man you let go. The man you still loved.

As he made his way inside the house you let your eyes roam across his figure. His hands were littered in large scars, far bigger than those you'd seen before. His face was shrunken, eyes hollower than you remembered. His smile lines were far more prominent now and his sandy brown hair had a few streaks of grey littered throughout.

"Where is the rest of the order? Where's sirius?" Why did you leave? Why are you back? How are you? You had so many questions but the rest were best kept to yourself.

 "They're on the way, I was just...early" I wanted to see you. 

Remus hated himself for leaving you. He wanted to tell you that. He regretted each night, even more so on full moons. After leaving the realisation of what he had done dawned on him, it was already  too late.

Alas, by the time he had worked up the courage to talk, You were already making your way across the hall to embrace your brother who had just arrived.

When did he get there? How consumed in his thoughts was Remus?

You greeted Sirius with a hug and a look-over of his whole figure. His posture was shrunken, eyes even hollower than Remus's and instead of his signature smirk, only a ghost of a smile was left on his face.

A feeling of guilt consumed you. Your brother was back after azkaban. Innocent. And your mind was all consumed by Remus.

You ushered the rest of the order inside and told Regulus to pack up his things and clear out the living room. The confused and curious glances you got from everyone did little to ease your nerves.

Sirius pulled you aside. You prepared yourself for the conversation you knew was to follow.

“Who’s that?” 

It was a valid question, Sirius was well aware that Remus had left that night. After their teary reunion, the werewolf had gotten an earful from the oldest Black. He was shocked and thought that  you had found someone new, unlike Remus, Sirius was quick to notice the similarities between the small boy and you. He deduced that he was your son.

“Uhm- He’s my son.”

You were staring at your feet, and your hands were fidgety.

There was a long pause. The silence was so loud you could hear the clock ticking.

“I…I have a nephew?” His words came out uncertain. Cautious and slow.

With a hum you replied “His name is Regulus. Regulus Jace.” You left out the last name. Legally he was a lupin. And so were you. But it wasn’t that hard to conceal that at hogwarts.

At the mention of his little brother, Sirius seemed to grimace. But he put a smile on.

“You named him after Reggie?-” He asked. And continued as you opened your mouth to answer.

“Who’s..who’s the father?” He didn’t want to assume the worst. He was happy, truely he was. After that “bastard” (as he put it) left you it was only fair. No matter how much he ached to see the two of you together again.

“It is Remus.” You replied, vulnerability lacing your voice.

His face seemed to light up, eyes widening, both in shock and delight. Before he would alert the whole house, however, you let him know one more thing.

“He doesn’t know. Neither of them do. I haven’t told them.” 

Your chest felt heavy, and your throat seemed to close up. It was hard for you to talk about. Despite being married you and Remus had never talked about kids, let alone with your friends. The feelings of contempt and guilt surrounded you.

Next thing you know, Sirius is pulling you in for a hug, securely wrapping his arms around you and trying to soothe your worries. His right hand wraps around your back as his left brushes against your hair in a calming manner.

It all comes crashing down. The weight of the lies, the guilt, the fear, the hatred. You cannot hold back the tears that rush down your face. A sob rakes though your body. You feel so much, everything, all at once, joy, relief, contempt, familiarity of an embrace.

But most of all...love. Love you haven’t felt in fourteen years.

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ch. 12 rev — writing this before i read the newest chapter !

'Ted hadn't been the sort of person who died. He'd been solid and dependable; he was a Healer. How would he have even gotten killed?'

— oh honey, everyone dies, healers too... especially if they were hit with the killing curse.

"They already have,"

— harry, you were meant to keep that a secret !! i'm glad he spilled though, hopefully sirius informs dumbledore about this

'Sirius's eyebrows knit together, his mouth pressing into a hard line. The expression made Harry distinctly uncomfortable. Something itched at the back of his brain, but he couldn't quite place it.'

— well you see henry, you're being scolded. sort of like how parents scold their children when they do something stupid? it's called parenting !

'Sirius regarded him for a long time. It was like he was seeing Harry through different eyes; almost like the first time he had looked at Harry properly, in the Great Hall after the Siege had ended, and said his father's name instead of his.'

— he's getting flashbacks !! this is so like the marauders (james = harry, ruby = sirius, parvati = peter, lavender = lupin) and he is 100% seeing james in him which must be super painful...

'He would let himself enjoy this, whatever time he had left, before the shadow started chewing at his bones again, eating him alive from the inside out.'

— that is so what the half-blood prince felt like, the calm before the storm and their last chance at being teenagers

'he was glad they had started acting normally around each other again; otherwise, Potions would be even more unbearable.'

— harry being the unwilling third party in so many fights is just hilarious, we love awkward harry who just wants people to shut up and get on with it/make up.

'Hephaestus looked a little disappointed at the disappearance of his prey, and yowled when Harry picked him up to hand him off to Ruby.'

— harry and hephaestus, my favourite duo btw.

'Fang's massive tongue seemingly had attached itself to Ron's face, his tag wagging. It was only when he felt his greeting was satisfactory that Ron was able to stumble his way inside, disgustedly wiping dog saliva off his face before falling into an armchair.'

— okay yuck ! the way i would never step foot in hagrid's hut bc i hate it when dogs slobber so bad (i am also scared of dogs)

'and while she implores the International Confederation of Wizards to step in, she is also prepared to begin the process of an internal investigation.'

— amelia is so badass !! i really love the women in this fic in case you couldn't tell.

'He hadn't been 'only a student' to Barty Crouch, or Pettigrew, or Voldemort.'

— poor harry, he needs compensation asap !

'He thought of the Ministry's 'Redacted' and then he thought of Snape.'

— i'm so curious about both of the traitors

'Not wanting to worry her, or worse, explain, Harry made another mechanical smile.'

— no, talk to someone !! at least your twin, she's quite literally your partner in crime since birth

'Whichever it was, at least Parvati didn't seem to mind.'

— these lesbians, so obvious.

"He's probably got his own… stuff to deal with," said Ruby.' could they not technically just stick lavender and lupin together and have them entertain each other during the full moon? 'Harry could only wonder why Lupin himself wasn't here. He was obviously… experienced. But on the other hand, explaining the presence of two wolves with human-like behaviour was harder than explaining one.'

— i'm wondering too bc you could send them to the shrieking shack, that should still be up right?

"I don't sneak,"

— he's so funny, you're not fooling anyone

"It would be great if there was some way to track all the prefects,"

— omg did fred and george not give harry the marauders map in this?

'a wolf had appeared next to Parvati and was galloping towards the open door.'

— so loyal, they're totally girlfriends.

'Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott were an odd-looking pair'

— FUCK YES, NOTT'S HERE AND HE'S GETTING PUNCHED !!!!!

"I'm here to take you two to Professor Snape's office for harbouring a dangerous werewolf."

— these damn slytherin's and their nosiness when it comes to exposing werewolves...

'As a matter of fact, how did Malfoy and Nott suspect Lavender?'

— they obviously let him onto the school grounds somehow (idk if draco was still dealing with the vanishing cabinet or whatever)

'Maybe someone had been looking from one of the top floors down at the west gates that night.'

— someone did indeed !

'Big deal. He doesn't even have Mordred to back him up this time.'

— period ! you've faced worse, harry.

'he saw Ruby and Malfoy; he knew she was competent, from the Defence and Duelling Club, but he'd never seen her fight with such intensity.'

— badass ruby, we love to see it.

'If all you did was scheme to save your skin, you'd end up like Pettigrew.'

— comparing nott to pettigrew... deserved actually, he's so weaselly.

"Takes one to know—"

— this is why you get your shit rocked, theodore.

'Harry only felt his blood run hot. He didn't think, didn't remember throwing the punch, but his fist had shot out and connected with the soft cartilage of Nott's nose, a satisfying snap below the blow. He drew his hand back, stinging slightly, and realised why Dudley always went for the nose as Nott crumpled in pain, his eyes tearing, cupping his hand over it and howling like a kicked dog. Harry was barely aware of the commotion behind him; Malfoy had ended up bound with ropes and squirming around on the floor like a seal, eyes bulging with fury.'

— this entire paragraph is so satisfying and cathartic, they had this coming for a whileee now.

'A loop of rope had pulled up and over his mouth, too, in a particularly petty stroke — though Harry couldn't honestly say he wouldn't have done it.'

— muzzle that bitch fr !! go ruby !

'poking Malfoy's cheek with her wand, who made a sound between a growl and a hiss.'

— this makes for a very comedic scene btw

'His head snapped up to meet that familiar, hated silhouette. Riddle.' — poor riddle... (this is too funny) 'He must've heard the commotion and come to investigate. How much had he heard?'

— well, he knows everything. i wouldn't put it past him to have been watching the entire time tbh. he's probably proud of the potter twins for their duel as well.

'If he knew it was an attempt to get him to move on, Riddle simply chose not to get the hint.'

— tom and taking the hint:

'blowing his hair against his face, robes snapping in the breeze.'

— okay model 🙄

"Cleanup is the most important part of the job."

— how to get away with murder by tom riddle. he'd be a great author.

'which Harry was sure was unnecessary'

— oh honey... it's absolutely necessary for his drama queen ass.

'he realised that Riddle was actually trying to make this into an Occlumency lesson.' — is this not comedic excellency? "You should watch."

— like come on now... this is just pure gold. he's such a great teacher, i take back everything 😭

'It was surprisingly warm.'

— big fan of the warm tom agenda, it makes him feel human which is something he did NOT think he was.

'He looked quite pleased with himself.'

— ethics and morality aside, this is HIGHLY impressive. you just watched him successfully intercept someones mind despite the protection and he extracted memories without harming their minds AND gave them false ones which made sense... give credit where credit is due.

'Harry only wondered how anyone could be expected to feel safe with him around.'

— tbf i don't think you're meant to...

"What was her name?"

— he already knows it, he needs to stop annoying them 😒

'As they left, Harry heard him call, in an insulted tone: "You're welcome!"'

— kids these days, so ungrateful ! (tom, the hag)

'The thing that had come to define him after the death of Tom Riddle, a pencilled letter scratched into a cheap book by an eleven-year-old boy, a simple and ordinary thing. How grand it looked now!'

— just wow honestly, you're such an amazing writer. you seamlessly connecting the 6 books together and keeping everything on track is just amazing.

'He hefted the silver ouroboros ring cupped in his hand, which he'd slipped off the finger of Harry Potter.'

— I KNEW IT ! he touched harry's hand on purpose, he easily could've shaken him by the shoulder or the arm but the hand touching was so intentional. PICKPOCKET !! hilarious how he's stolen this ring twice tho

'He murmured the words aloud, for, after all, it was a children's bedtime story.'

— petition to get tom to read bedtime stories in his soft tenor say "I" 🗣️

'Tee was not looking for moral guidance.'

— maybe you should...

'Tears formed in his eyes. Who was he, a wizard of rare and terrifying skill, to be frightened by fairytales and tea leaves, hoarding his father's clutter under his bed and his mother's locket, stolen back from Theodore Nott, in the back of his drawer?'

— i audibly awed, he's so... he probably needs a hug 😞

'no one was listening out for him, in this world or the next. He had not even cried for his mother when he was born, because he knew she wasn't going to answer.'

— baby tom... head in hands 💔

'he saw not the ouroboros ring, but something more like an ancient signet. It had a gold band, set with not a precious jewel, but a misshapen black stone. And as he tilted the stone into the light, wondering at the ring's transformation, he saw it: carved deep into the stone, unmistakably, was the symbol of the Deathly Hallows.'

— WAIT WHAT?? i thought the ouroborus was a different ring to the gaunt ring? is that why the parseltongue work?? cass, explain !!!

amazing chapter btw. 10/10, you've outdone yourself once again (harry with the girls, theo getting punched, malfoy being practically bound and gagged, tom appearance and insight... chef's kiss!). very excited for the next chapter with the parental issues and grandfather and grandson bonding time !!

well you see henry, you're being scolded. sort of like how parents scold their children when they do something stupid? it's called parenting !

He isn't properly socialised, I'm afraid

he's getting flashbacks !! this is so like the marauders (james = harry, ruby = sirius, parvati = peter, lavender = lupin) and he is 100% seeing james in him which must be super painful...

Mmmm the way I didn't consciously think of those parallels. I love your brain btw

harry being the unwilling third party in so many fights is just hilarious, we love awkward harry who just wants people to shut up and get on with it/make up.

Struggles of being an introvert :(

Also a super versatile trope, you could stick him with any two characters, and it works.

okay yuck ! the way i would never step foot in hagrid's hut bc i hate it when dogs slobber so bad (i am also scared of dogs)

I don't mind most dogs but the minute that tongue comes out I am like PUT THAT THING AWAY RIGHT NOW

no, talk to someone !! at least your twin, she's quite literally your partner in crime since birth

Harry + Talking About Feelings: Not his strength, I'm afraid

i'm wondering too bc you could send them to the shrieking shack, that should still be up right?

You're right about this being fishy... I'll explain later...

omg did fred and george not give harry the marauders map in this?

Nope! I skipped a lot of the Stations of Canon (Triwizard Tournament, Department of Mysteries fight, etc) so there wasn't a natural time for it to happen.

so loyal, they're totally girlfriends.

They totally are 🩷

Reading this back now, I'm wondering if 'galloping' was really a good way to describe how a wolf runs. Oh well.

they obviously let him onto the school grounds somehow (idk if draco was still dealing with the vanishing cabinet or whatever)

👀

comparing nott to pettigrew... deserved actually, he's so weaselly.

Worst insult actually, there are sooo many shitty people to choose from in HP but Pettigrew has zero aura

this entire paragraph is so satisfying and cathartic, they had this coming for a whileee now.

🎶He had it coming! He had it coming! He only had himself to blame, and if you'd been there! If you'd've seen it! I betcha you would have done the same!🎶

well, he knows everything. i wouldn't put it past him to have been watching the entire time tbh. he's probably proud of the potter twins for their duel as well.

Standing there like 'Damn, why did nothing this interesting happen while I was in school.' They're just free entertainment for him atp.

how to get away with murder by tom riddle. he'd be a great author.

A bestseller, in fact, and he assures you it's all completely hypothetical.

oh honey... it's absolutely necessary for his drama queen ass.

This is, after all, the man who made sentimental/special objects into his Horcruxes and 'hid them' in very obvious places, for the aesthetic.

like come on now... this is just pure gold. he's such a great teacher, i take back everything 😭

Nothing like hands-on learning! But I promise you're going to take back your takeback when Chapter 14 gets posted lol

big fan of the warm tom agenda, it makes him feel human which is something he did NOT think he was.

Tom when he discovers he is a mammal and not a snake 😧

ethics and morality aside, this is HIGHLY impressive. you just watched him successfully intercept someones mind despite the protection and he extracted memories without harming their minds AND gave them false ones which made sense... give credit where credit is due.

Harry Potter, the original hater, chugging his Haterade... Seriously though, Tom/Voldemort's natural talent for psychological violence is underexplored (I keep forgetting about it sometimes). Lockhart could never.

he already knows it, he needs to stop annoying them 😒

Don't overestimate him, you know his track record with names...

kids these days, so ungrateful ! (tom, the hag)

He 100% has muttered this under his breath

tom and taking the hint:

The hint butterfly is flying around his head, trying to get his attention and he's just steadfastly ignoring it.

just wow honestly, you're such an amazing writer. you seamlessly connecting the 6 books together and keeping everything on track is just amazing.

Thank you 💚💚💚💚💚

Trust it is a Mess behind the scenes, my little random notes/planning documents look like that meme from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I KNEW IT ! he touched harry's hand on purpose, he easily could've shaken him by the shoulder or the arm but the hand touching was so intentional. PICKPOCKET !! hilarious how he's stolen this ring twice tho

I imagine he liked to watch street magicians as a kid before he found out he was doing real magic and learnt some of the tricks of the trade, like misdirection. You can take the boy out of the diary but not take the petty crime out of him...

petition to get tom to read bedtime stories in his soft tenor say "I" 🗣️

Aye! I also love that he canonically has a higher-pitched voice, it makes him stand out from other characters (and makes the 'innocent' act more believable, of course).

WAIT WHAT?? i thought the ouroborus was a different ring to the gaunt ring? is that why the parseltongue work?? cass, explain !!!

They've always been the same ring (I left Chekhov's Gun sitting on the proverbial shelf since way back in Chapter 9, but I did shoot it). It's also not a Horcrux (that might already be evident). Way back in Book 2, Hermione came up with this conspiracy theory that they are the same ring, as the Gaunt ring disappears with Tom's ancestor, Corvinus Gaunt, the same time the ouroboros ring appears in the hands of his mistress, Aretaphila Selwyn, which is then passed down through the Selwyns (and then unwittingly stolen back by kid!Riddle). The ouroboros is a symbol of resurrection (and death). Like the Invisibility Cloak, it was enchanted by Death, so the charm(s) on it are eternal. Voldemort wore his family heirloom for decades until, not knowing what it was, he gave it to Harry to help win his trust.