#what if i have to stay in the hospital!! how will i cope!!

[ghosttotheparty]

realising i have health anxiety and it’s the fucking worst i feel like i’m doing to die

[shatterthefragments]

I SWEAR TO FUCK IF HE DOESNT FUCKING RESPOND THOUGH

[duoduotian]

oh yeah almost could have gotten a head injury while eating lunch bc a plastic bag of files fell from the already towering pile on the sofa... hoarding house things lmao... i eat on the floor in the living room. the sofas, coffee table, dining table are all buried under stuff rendering them unusable

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

I feel like advice on loneliness comes in only three flavors:

"It's all mindset, learn to embrace being alone and you'll never feel lonely!"

"Your head is lying to you, you have friends and they love you!"

"Here's a list of places you can go to hang out with people and make new friends!"

Those are usually well-meant and I'm sure there are situations where they do help someone feel better - but they're definitely not universally applicable.

The first one is even plain wrong: connection is a basic human need. You can't just "change your mindset" and turn that off, the same way you can't turn off your need for food or air or mental stimulation. Humans are group animals. We absolutely need social interactions to stay healthy and sane. It is true that some people do not need a large number of friends and are happiest with just one or two close friends, and it is also true that some people prefer to fulfill their social needs in other ways than what's traditionally defined as friendship - but that's not something you can (or should) try to train yourself to do, that's just natural differences and preferences!

The only thing you could "train" yourself to do would be to learn to ignore your social needs and bury them deep down under layers of denial... and you don't need me to explain to you why that's a very unhealthy idea. It's sad enough that so many people have to do that to not lose their minds in loneliness, we certainly don't need to celebrate an unhealthy coping skill as a "superior mindset".

The other two at least get a bit closer to the truth: the solution for your unmet need is not to kill the need, but to fulfill it... but that's easier said than done, isn't it?

After all, "Don't worry, your friends love you!" doesn't help if you have no friends. Loneliness is not always "all in your head": Maybe you moved to a new place and don't know anyone there. Or you cut off contact with all your friends after a big fight. Or you grew up neurodivergent (or got mentally ill at a young age) and had no chance to learn how to make friends at the age most kids do, and by now you have been friendless for so long you don't even know where to start.

Same with "just go to a bar and talk to some new people" or "Take a pottery class and you'll meet some interesting people there" - that's not factually wrong, but also not helpful if the reason you feel lonely is that you struggle to make friends (or even struggle to just talk to people). Which can also be part of neurodivergence or mental illness, or just be a part of your personality (shyness), or be a result of isolating circumstances (like having spent a lot of time in a closed environment, for example a long hospital stay, and now feeling unsure how to connect with people outside of that environment). 

And those are just a few of the many, many possible explanations why someone may be lonely that require a more individualized approach - which is why we can’t solve loneliness with any one-size-fits-all solution.

That may be a somewhat disappointing-sounding conclusion in a letter on loneliness, so let me also tell you: hope and support are always within reach, even if it might take some time and patience to find them. The key is to remember that your feelings are valid and that you're not alone in your struggle.

First, recognize that admitting that you feel lonely, and wanting to take action based on that feeling, is a sign of strength, not weakness. You’re pretty insightful for recognizing your loneliness and super brave for wanting to reach out!

Secondly, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to take small steps. Small, actually manageable steps are crucial in any healing journey! If it’s not an option to just go to the bar or that pottery class, then it’s okay to start somewhere else. Maybe a therapist, a support group, or even online communities can be valuable “training sessions” for social connections. Even reaching out to one single person can make a significant difference over time. Your journey to finding companionship and connection might be different from someone else’s, but that doesn't make it any less valid (or achievable!).

Lastly, do consider embracing new activities that you may enjoy - but not just for the sake of meeting others. It’s important to nurture your own happiness and well-being when you’re feeling lonely. Those can be activities you can try out alone and even at home, for now! Anything that enriches your life is good. Long down the road, maybe it will lead to opportunities to connect with others, but even if it doesn’t: it’s important to incorporate new experiences into your life.

While there isn't a universal solution to loneliness, I truly believe there is a path forward for everyone. It's all about finding what works for you.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[stil-lindigo]

You'r eunder no obligation to reply but I'd like to ask, how do you keep your head up these days considering the genocide? It's been nearly five months now, my entire family is giving up the stirke and falling into propoganda, and every time i think "surely this is the end, no way the us will keep supporting this, israel is on limited time" i keep seeing no end in my twitter feed to the countless losses, i keep seeing gore and childrens butchered on my tiktok. i dont wanna lose hope or faith but ive started feeling so depressed these days that i dont even wanna open my social media because i know what ill see. it might sound selfish but i hope i can open up my tiktok and see silly little people doing trends again instead of seeing one between 6 posts asking to use filters so that they can donate and detailing the necessities that israel banned from palestine and it just feels so soul crushing and hopeless. it makes me feel worse because if im tired of it then how do palestanians cope being in it? if you have any tips or good news id be grateful

hi anon. A lot of what Palestinians report first-hand is graphic, and horrifying, and would contribute to that soul-crushing feeling. But they are so tenacious, they have so much love for their people, their country. Often, Bisan or Motaz or Plestia when she was still in Gaza will share little slices of joy from displaced Palestinians. It reinvigorates me, and I'll often return to watch them when things seem dire.

A baby in Gaza, blessedly unaware of the horrors. Look at that smile!

A Palestinian mother makes donuts for her children, and offers Bisan one as she prepares for an interview. She (the mother) talks about how she makes treats like this to try to cheer up her children, how she keeps herself busy like this so she can't feel the grief of the situation. It is expensive to buy firewood these days, and flour. At her side, her children chip away at a block of wood to help her.

if you'd like to support people like this family, donate to CareforGaza, which directly distributes supplies and money to families in need. They have stopped donations to their Gofundme campaign due to overwhelming support, but you can still donate via the paypal link in their bio.

Young Palestinians parkour in the ruins of Gaza, to show that Israeli bombing will not kill their spirits.

Mo, a Palestinian man, buys cat food after searching for two days straight, and feeds the stray cats in Gaza.

Palestinian children at a refugee camp filming a cute video.

Although they've lost their home, a Palestinian family gather to celebrate their youngest child's birthday, complete with a small cake and a birthday hat.

Bisan makes bread in Khan Younis.

Palestinians celebrate the birthday of an injured girl in hospital, with a small cake. One of them has dressed up as a clown.

After losing 22 members of his family and being injured in a bombardment, a Palestinian man named Mohammed Al Ghandour marries his fiance in a tent.

A Palestinian journalist plays with a baby who survived an airstrike.

@/nisreendiary on TikTok documents the process of making fresh bread in a tent in a calming video.

I got most of these off twitter, from this thread. Twitter is a hellscape at the best of times, but the easy communication it provides is a blessing. I'll try to share more of the good news here, as they pop up. In the future, I recommend you follow Eye on Palestine, or Al Jazeera if you'd like to stay informed on the situation in Gaza with minimal scrolling.

[coco-loco-nut]

Hii!

Can I please ask for an angsty fic with Max, where the reader defends him from Jos after not finishing his race in Melbourne...idk if you remember when Max kept his helmet for four hours after a race because he was afraid of what Jos would have done to him after not winning...and the reader basically tells Jos to get lost even if she's like 5'4 and definitely not as intimidating as them both lol.

And then maybe after the win in Suzuka, they "reconcile" but she still reminds him to act right around her boyfriend, who's now a man and not a little boy he could pressure like he once did.

Sorry if it's too long!! Thanks for taking your time and reading my request!

Guard Dog

Pairing: Max x Reader

Summary: You are sick and tired of watching Max take Jos' shit

TW: verbal abuse

A/n: thank you soooo much for the rec, I love writing these out so much <3

requests open masterlist

----------------

"Maxie... are you okay?" you wait patiently by the door to his driver's room, careful not to barge in like Jos would, as you have for the past year since you first witnessed Jos' beratement of his son. He is sitting on the couch with his helmet between his hands. The fire causing an unpleasant start to the race, and you are just glad you got here first.

"I'm okay," his voice cracks and you step into the room, closing the door behind you. "I know it wasn't my fault, but I can't help but feel like it was my fault," Max looks in your eyes, the fire brewing behind them. You were genuinely the sweetest girl he's ever met, and to get you mad took a lot. God help you if Jos shows up, you are tired of Max feeling bad even when he podiums.

"You're right, you didn't do anything wrong, the car failed you today," you stay calm, sitting beside him and cuddling into him. Max stays quiet, enjoying your warmth, and decompressing from the start. He can understand why the fans were so happy to see him lose, in fact, if he wasn't himself, he would join them. No, the fear of his father is what has him on edge. Rightfully so, because a few seconds later the door is slammed open again.

"Max, what the hell did you-" Jos starts and you launch yourself off the couch. Jos and Max were big guys, and you were average height for a woman, 5'6 or so, but you didn't seem like it in that moment.

"Shut the hell up and leave. You have nothing useful to say and you are going to shift blame to Max who had NO fault in the DNF," you snarl, setting yourself up as a barrier between the two, Jos still in the doorway and Max on the couch.

"Girl, I don't know who you think you are, but I am Max's father, and I can-," You cut Jos off before he can continue.

"No, you aren't his father. A father doesn't talk to his son like that, you are simply a man who shares the same last name as Max. A father is someone like Carlos Sainz Sr or Lawrence Stroll. No, you are a man- sorry a boy in a man's body- who can't cope with the fact that he doesn't race anymore and wants the man who shares the same last name with him to be impossibly perfect and win every single race, even when the car breaks down." You sneer at the man. "You need to leave, before I call security and make them remove you," you don't back down, instead you step closer. Max watches in both awe and fear.

"I-"

"Leave, Jos, now. Don't make me repeat myself," you say, practically slamming the door behind him. You turn around and look at Max, seemingly calm and normal. He looks at you bewildered.

"That was the sexiest thing ever. Thank you, Schatje, you didn't have to do that," Max hugs you, a large weight off of his shoulders.

"Of course I did, who else will be your guard dog?" You smile at him, squeezing him tighter. "Now, get changed and get back to the garage," you tell Max, stepping out to the room. You let out a deep breath, surprised with how you treated Jos and stood up for Max. A couple minutes later, Max rejoins you, quickly stopping inside hospitality for a snack.

The two of you avoid Jos, going extremely low contact, not that he was trying to. Jos would never admit it, but he was embarrassed at how you spoke to him, and his retreat allowed him to ignore it. Instead, you and Max enjoyed your time together in Japan. The both of you were aware Jos was there, but chose to ignore it. After Max won, Jos warily approached the two of you.

"I wanted to congratulate you on winning. You drove well," Jos says stiffly, silently calling for a truce. You let Max take the lead on the conversation.

"Thank you," he says, feeling like a little boy again, but accepting the temporary truce.

"It was good seeing you Jos, but we need to go," you interject, sensing the still tense atmosphere. The older man, still a little scared of you despite your sweet demeanor, lets you go, not quite willing to cross you again.

"Love you, Maxie"

"Love you too, Schatje,"

[zvdvdlvr]

Why’d You Have to Wait?

🔥 - synopsis. You get kidnapped on a case. Aaron’s coping mechanism? Self isolation. But when you’re recovering, Aaron wonders if staying away from you is the right thing to do. Jack convinces him anyway. Are things too far gone for Aaron to fix?

🔥 - warnings. Non descriptive torture. Scars. Burns. Very vaguely described mental issues. Slow burn. Friends ro enemies to lovers? Sad hotch. Angst. No happy ending.

🔥 - author’s note. Doing a part two. Hopefully this doesnt flop :)

Aaron had dreams about it now. They were so vivid- lifelike and real. Every time he had them he woke up in a cold sweat, heaving in the bathroom as tears dripped slowly down his face.

He hadn’t gone to the hospital to see you. In fact, Aaron hadn’t seen you since the day you almost died. He rode in the ambulance, but tore himself away from the hospital as he watched the doctors wheel you into the operating room. Your blood had stained his hands, face, and arms for days. Every time the white spots danced in his vision after emptying the contents of his stomach, he swears he can still see the glossy red liquid drip off his fingers.

You were well like. Not only by the team but by Strauss. She had given the team the time off to help y/n recover: sit in her room after another surgery, cheer for her during physical therapy.

Jack loved having time to see his dad after school, but he knew something was wrong after consistently hearing him pad to the kitchen during the middle of the night.

Tonight was no different.

Jack sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes. He blinked owlishly around the room and stood up. The little Hotchner slowly followed the light to the kitchen and saw his daddy lean over the sink. “Daddy?”

Aaron turned his head and tried to smile at Jack. Aaron knew he probably looked a mess. “Hey buddy. Let’s get you back to bed.”

Before Aaron could set down set down his water cup, Jack crawled up the seat and watched his dad over the counter. “What’s wrong, daddy?”

“I just can’t sleep,” Aaron shrugged, facing Jack with his arms crossed. “Why do you think something’s wrong?”

Jack looked at Aaron as if he had grown two heads. “You get up in the night a lot, daddy. And your eyes are red. You cough a lot too.“

Hotch wanted to laugh. Of course Jack knew something was wrong- he always knew. “Yeah. You’re right, kiddo.”

“You yell when you sleep sometimes too. What happened to y/n, daddy? She doesn’t come see me anymore.”

Aaron shuddered as he inhaled. Smart boy. “She got really hurt, buddy. It’s bad. I guess I just… get scared thinking about her getting hurt,” Aaron admits, feeling his heart beat faster in his chest.

Jack nodded. “Can we go see her?”

“I- I don’t think we should. She’s still getting better.”

Jack furrowd his eyebrows and tilted his head. “But I miss her.”

“I do t- I bet she misses you, too, Jack, but I don’t know how she’s doing. She might still-“

Jack sighed. “But daddy, she’d be so happy to see me!”

Aaron sighed. As much as he selfishly wanted to see you, he couldn’t. He’d do something he wasn’t proud of- embarrass himself, ruin his reputation of being a mentally and emotionally tough boss, ruin your friendship… No. Aaron couldn’t go by himself, but Jack could go with him. Why hadn’t Aaron thought of it before?

“Okay,” Aaron relented. A smile tugged at his lips when Jack’s face lit up. He scrambled off his chair and collided into Aaron’s legs and squeezed.

“Can I sleep with you tonight, daddy? Aunt Jess always stays with me when I have a nightmare.”

Aaron bent down and picked Jack up and nodded. “Yeah, buddy. Let me brush my teeth again.”

Jack wrapped his arms around his dad’s neck and squeezed, as big of a hug his little body could give.

— 🔥

The days were all a blur for you. Now that you were all fucked up, nothing felt right anymore. Second defree burns crawled up the calf of your left leg. Small cuts littered your entire body, scarring and twisting your skin. The worst part was the long, twisting scar that started on your cheek about two inches away from your ear and pulled down to your collarbone.

The unsub, Barney MacMillian, was a sadist. A stupid fucking sadist. He thought he was punishing you for hunting him when he kidnapped and tortured you.

You know the team tried- they really really did try- to cheer you up, to get you back. But the fact that you now considered yourself a monster and how you started to believe the things MacMillian had whispered in your ear as he tore you apart, layer by layer.

Derek genuinely thought your scar was badass, but learned not to bring it up. Penelope just kept rehashing everything- something you had eventually told her to atop doing. Prentiss was cautious, testing the waters. But she eventually got back into a rhythm with you as your best friend. JJ didn’t do anything wrong, she was just really nice- too nice? Spencer was… himself. And you couldn’t thank him enough for just staying him, recitinf facts about burns and scars, knives and blood loss. It was morbid, sure, but you were always close with him and the way his brain worked.

Rossi was the one that kept you together through it all, though. He had conversations with you, long past visiting hours. He talked with you about anything and everything and somehow knew exactly what you needed to hear or talk about. But he kept making excuses for Aaron.

Aaron. The romantic feelings you kept trying to flush away turned into hurt every time Rossi’s eyes flickered away from yours when you asked about him. But you knew now. He didn’t care. He never would. That’s why he didn’t show. It’s the only plausible explanation of why he wouldn’t show up, shoot you a text, something.

So you turned your hurt into anger and stopped asking, ignoring the way your heart would drop to your stomach and how the acid in your stomach churned eveey time you heard his name.

You already had your resignation documenta stored neatly in a magazine in the second table in the nightstand to your right. You were done with it all.

— 🔥

That’s why you felt tears prick in your eyes when you saw Jack Hotchner leap into the room. His little eyes scoured your face, eyes dragging down the healing skin on your face. You heard Aaron’s footfalls stop short at the door. Your jaw clenched and you stared at Jack, waiting for him to start crying and ask to leave.

But he didn’t. He just smiled and leapt into your arms, completely unaware of the physical pain in your leg and body. He just wrapped his arms and legs around you.

You sat still, eyes looking at Rossi, who smiled at you. You hadn’t yet looked at Aaron and didn’t even want to. Carefully you wrapped your arms around Jack’s back, ignoring how fast the tears left your eyes.

Jack pulled back and looked at you with a smile that faded the second he saw your tears. In all of your time (almost 10 years) at the BAU, Jack had only seen you cry once. And that was during a movie. 

“I thought coming to see you what make you happy,” he sad, voice sad. “Why are you crying?”

You smiled at him, sniffling pitifully. “I’m not sad, little J. I am really happy to see you,” you said. You hoped Aaron would hear the sharp undertone in your voice. Judging by Rossi’s huff of a laugh, he did.

“Oh! Well, I brought you stuff. I know you like the Black Widow because she’s really cool, so I brought you a coloring book,” Jack explained as he brandished his backpack full of stuff. You listensed intently, only looking up when Rossi got your attention and nodded to the door to signal him leaving.

Jack kept talking and you were overjoyed to listen. He was a pleasent little man, making your time more enjoyable. He opened up the coloring book he bought and started coloring after giving you a Beanie Baby he had that you mentioned you liked. He also got you a necklace- that Aaron no doubt spent a pretty penny for- that had your birthstone set in it. Jack watched you carefully as you opened it, and he put it on with his chubby fingers. You didn’t tell him that you would have to take it off soon after he left so it didn’t kill you when you slept. Hospital policy or something.

Soon after you finished your own coloring page featuring the Black Widow and Tony Stark making a hero landing, Jack turned on the T.V. and fell asleep.

“Hey,” Aaron said finally.

You nodded. “Hi boss.”

Aaron bit his lip. You stared forward, hand threading through Jack’s hair. Aaron felt his heart clenching in his chest. He didn’t know how you were gonna react when he came by, but he didn’t expect this- this silent treatment. He didn’t really blame you though. He wanted more than anything to make it up to you, to get you smiling again, but he knew the distance was probably better. For him at least.

“Y/n-“ Aaron started.”

You cut him off with. “Jack’s asleep, sir. It would be best not to wake him.”

Sir. You only called him sir if you were mad. Aaron swallowed. He knew he fucked up. Would he ever be able to fix his mistake, bring the old you back? He pondered the questions as he leaned back in his chair and watched the television show Jack chose before he fell asleep.

— 🔥

“Y/n is getting sent home today,” David’s voice crackled through the phone. “We wanted to take her out to dinner, something nice. Are you coming?”

Aaron sat at the kitchen table, checking over Jack’s homework. Jack himself was sitting a couple feet away on the couch. “Probably not. I have Jack.” 

Rossi scoffed on the other line. “She loves Jack and he loves her. Bring him with you.”

“I don’t know,” Aaron sighed. He rested his head in his hands and closed his eyes. “Dave, she hates me.”

Silence. Rossi exhaled and shook his head. “She doesn’t hate you, but you’re giving her a lot of reasons to. Clean yourself up and meet us all at the address Garcia’ll send you. 6:00. Be there, Aaron. If not for her…” he trailed off, considering his next words carefully. “Then for Jack.”

— 🔥

David convinced you all to wait until ordering.

But when 6:45 rolled around and Aaron didn’t show, you just clenched your jaw and ordered a neat whiskey.

[jackiepackiee]

After seeing your recent post I'mSending in my request Love!!

How would the bad men take care of their wife who get amnesia due to blood loss which resulted by being shot by a pistol or gets into an accident during a mission.

You have the free dom to make it like a one shot or head canon for these men

Dazai, Kunikida, aktugawa, fyodor, Nikolai, and Chuuya

Other than that take care love!! Make sure to stay hydrated! 💞💞

𝐵𝒮𝒟 𝓍 𝒜𝓂𝓃𝑒𝓈𝒾𝒶! 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇

𝒲/ 𝒟𝒶𝓏𝒶𝒾, 𝒦𝓊𝓃𝒾𝓀𝒾𝒹𝒶, 𝒞𝒽𝓊𝓊𝓎𝒶

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 - 𝓋𝒾𝑜𝓁𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒

𝒯𝓎𝓅𝑒 - 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒸𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓃𝓈

CHUUYA NAKAHARA

Absolutely mortified

He has memory loss to (from the lab and Araharbaki) and knows how much it can mess with a person

He wants the best for you, and this clearly isn’t that

He fears in his heart and soul that you might question your humanity like he did so he will kill before that happens to you

Back to the mission itself

He hates for you to do solo missions, but Mori’s call is Mori’s call at the end of the day

Even if you weren’t alone, he only trusts a handful of people with your protection

Black lizard, all the executives, and the ADA if it’s during an alliance

But no, you weren’t with a safe group

So when you got hurt (which was not expected, Mori wouldn’t send you on something just to hurt you duh) he was PISSED

Wiped out the enemy in seconds

Yelled at Mori as to why he didn’t just send Chuuya instead

When you’re in the hospital, he waits outside

He would hate to scare you

I mean, he’s pissed and he knows you hate when he raises his voice to any level

But… all hell breaks loose when he finds out you have amnesia

Pushes right past the doctors and doors

If you forget him… he’s flipping tables and going to find whoever hurt you and actually kill them this time

He’s inconsolable

You’re his love, and to forget that is a pain of death

He may not visit you much at first, but he’ll come around

If you do remember him, he’ll take the biggest sigh of relief ever

Hugs you

And believe me, he will buy whatever therapy, drug, or surgery that will help you

Helps you relearn everything important

For your wedding, he had to put on your wedding dress and pretend to walk down the isle to maybe make you remember

Cried at how beautiful you looked

Labels images in the house by event, person in the photo, and date

So you can know what special moments you’ve had

A sliver lining is that he can take you on a tour of the city, showing you all the sights for what for you is the first time

And you forget all the gore and pain you’ve seen in the port mafia

Over all, he’s coping, but he’ll come around and help

DAZAI OSAMU

He is a changed man from the port mafia past, but he almost forgets his resolve

Never has he doubted your skill, it’s the absolute terror and pain he knows other people wouldn’t hesitate to inflict on you that he fears

He’s seen it first hand

So when you’re completely alone on a mission he sorta freaks out

Less jokes, no suicide attempts till you’re back

But… you aren’t back soon?

And when you’re finally back, it’s with Kenji crying and using his super strength to carry you to Yosano

The poor boy was so scared, he had found you while looking at the local park

Safe to say, Dazai was frozen in place at the blood that has trailed from the door to Yosano’s office

He was mad. But not yelling

No, he was calculated and cold

He walked to Fukuzawa’s office, and asked for the enemy name

No one knows what happened in the 30 minutes he was gone…

Back to you, he knocks and talked with Yosano for a while

When he heard you had amnesia, it was the first time she saw him so vulnerable

“Does she remember me?” “I don’t know, Dazai.”

Walked in slowly

If you remember him, he’ll immediately give you a hug

Knowing that is enough for him

But if you forget?

I hate to say this, but he may try to distance himself

“You got your chance with in, and look at what ended up happening” is this thought process

But, he’ll visit Oda’s grave and think it over

He knows then that you need him

You need your husband, your Osamu

So the next few days is him having you help with cases he knows the criminal, but wants your mind to have a workout

Doesn’t try for any affection because he knows you may be to weak

When you finally kiss again, he has never put more passion into anything

During his time of caring for you he doesn’t make a single comment about suicide

After losing your beautiful memories and mind, he can’t imagine losing you

Your life is like a glass, held by his slim hands

And he’ll kill before anyone does this to you again

KUNIKIDA DOPPO

Kunikida is often “serious”, but Dazai can attest he’s never seen him so truly and utterly serious before

Not in his scolding, fatherly way

But in a cold, quiet way

He doesn’t even touch his book for at least a week

Thinks ideals make so sense now that his wife is hurt

And he didn’t stop it

When he first found out, he dropped his book

He clutched his ring to his chest

Walks into the room you’re saying in slowly

“Love? Do you… remember me?” “Sorry, love? Please don’t call me that, sir.”

Tears fall, but he wipes them before you can get concerned

Even if you don’t know him anymore, he knows with your kind heart you’ll comfort a crying stranger

And he wants to be the one comforting you

He tries his best to explain everything

Showing his ring, the photo of the two of you he keeps in his wallet, and even has Yosano confirm it

He doesn’t cope well…

OR

“Love? Do you… remember me?” “Kuni… hi.”

Hides his face in his hands

He has never been more happy in his life

Rushes to you and kisses your hand

Now, he still has to teach you life again

And who better than an ex teacher?

He’s so patient

Uses cute little techniques

He is… okay

I mean, he wants you to be okay

You will definitely heal the fastest with him

He spares all his free time into helping you

Makes little drawings in his notebook for you to learn objects again

And, he readjusts his schedule! All for you

Only for you

[traumasurvivors]

I am finally putting together a FAQ for easy access for people new to my blog since a lot of these posts I think are helpful are buried. Some of these links link to posts on my blog, but some link to my personal website. My website is not monetized in any way, so there should be no ads or anything intrusive.

About Coping

How can I make a self-care box?

Here's some instructions I wrote!

What are some ways I can ground myself?

Here is an article with a bunch of examples, but there are so many more that aren't listed here!

I'm struggling with trauma around the holidays and/or a traumaversary.

Here's an article I wrote on trauma around the holidays!

Here's an article I wrote with advice for traumaversaries.

General Trauma FAQ

Do I have to forgive them in order to heal?

The short answer is "no." What everyone needs differs. While someone may need to forgive as a part of their healing journey, this isn't necessarily true for everyone. Here's a post I wrote about this.

What is trauma bonding?

This term is often used in a colloquial sense when two people who have suffered trauma bond together over their trauma. This article talks about the technical definition and is about how someone going through trauma forms an emotional bond with the one who is traumatizing or abusing them.

Was it bad enough?

The short answer is yes. But you can read a longer blog post for why here.

I'm struggling with anger after trauma.

That's a really valid way to feel. Here is some more info on it.

What is hypersexuality and/or sex repulsion?

See this article here.

What is Trauma Imposter Syndrome?

This is when a survivor invalidates themselves by saying something like “my trauma isn’t so bad, other people have it worse than me.” Here's my post on it.

How do I talk about my trauma?

First, remember that you do not have to talk about anything you don't want to. But if you do, here are some tips I have.

How do I listen to someone talk about their trauma?

The first thing I want you to remember, when someone tells you that they want to talk to you about their trauma, is that their needs do not negate your own needs. Here's my post on it.

Is Healing Linear?

No. Healing is a rollercoaster. Here's a post on it.

About Abuse and Specific Forms of Trauma

What are some different types of abuse?

Physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, cultural abuse. You can read more about these here.

What is Medical Trauma?

It is a vast term that includes many different things, mostly linked to major emotional distress that occurs as a result of hospital stays, illness, or treatment (so yes, therapy trauma is valid.) You can see my longer article here.

What is Parentification?

Parentification is a form of abuse where a child is forced to take on the role of a parent. You can see my longer article here.

Why do I love and/or miss my abuser?

Nothing is wrong with you if you love and/or miss your abuser. There are any number of reasons why you could be feeling this way, and I will share some examples with you. You can see my article on this here!

Other

Are they trying to manipulate me?

While there isn't a clear cut guide, some of the points in this article might help you in getting more information about one of your relationships.

What is consent?

Consent is a freely-given yes. See this post here.

How can I be prepared for sex?

See this post here.

I also wrote this article that covers the same points as the first post, but focuses from a trauma perspective. A lot of the info is the same.

Why is it important to validate my feelings?

See this post here.

I'm struggling with self-harm/What is self-harm?

Here's a post on this.

[seresinhangmanjake]

Main Masterlist

Series:

Oh, Baby (dad!Jake Seresin): You might not have been his girlfriend, but when you left town one night a month after sleeping together, it completely broke Jake’s heart. Now, a year later, you’ve returned and you’re not alone. You have a new little companion that just so happens to bear a startling resemblance to Jake.

The One I Want (Jake Seresin x Plus Size!Reader): You're new in town and some guy named Jake is about to be your roommate. Being skeptical of new people keeps you lonely and uninterested in any entanglements, but Jake is desperate to change that.

Signed Away (Arranged Marriage AU): You find out about the contractual marriage your parents arranged with Jake’s when you were a baby. You’re plenty angered by it, but Jake doesn’t seem too bothered. He might even be happy.

Stolen Angel (Angel/Demon AU): You thought you were having a one-night stand with some random, normal guy. Turns out he's a winged, demon-like stalker who has been obsessed with you for years.

One shots:

Forgetting: Jake forgets to pick you up at the airport because of his ex, and for the first time, you think maybe you and Jake aren't mean to be.

Can’t Let You Go: When you and Jake broke up, it hurt both of you more than you could handle. Now, after three months of barely seeing or speaking to one another, Jake walks in on the surprise of seeing you in a wedding dress, and it brings past memories and ruined dreams to the surface.

Rather Be with You: Jake has been away for six months and he just hopes you waited for him.

It’s oh so Quiet: you are in a bad relationship, and you just want to be with Jake.

Just a Little Weak:  You are Penny’s new bartender and she warns you to stay away from one particular pilot, so you do your very best to please your boss. It is only when Penny goes out of town for the summer, leaving you in charge of the bar, that the pilot finally makes his move, and you finally give in. 18+

Touch and Go: You and Jake had been sleeping together for months, and as sure as you were of your feelings for him, you were unsure of his for you. He, however, certainly knew how he felt about you, and after you decide to go on a long trip without telling him, he lets you know just exactly what’s on his mind. 18+

Lazy Mornings and Whatnot: After coming home from his last mission, Jake doesn’t want you to leave the bed and will do what he has to if it means insuring that you’ll stay, which leads to fluffy conversations.

Jealousy Game: You do a little experiment to try to make Jake jealous and it works, with unexpected consequences that change the way you thought the night would go. 18+

Jealous Jake and the Biting Problem; Jealous Jake and the Other Sleepover Buddy: You and Jake have a friends-with-benefits situation, but when he finds bite marks on you from another guy, he doesn’t handle it well. 

Split: You break up with Jake because his actions make you question everything you’ve had between you, but he wants you to take him back. 

A First and a Second: It’s soft Dad!Hangman from start to finish. And cute marriage stuff.

Wanting it all: Hangman ends up in the hospital from a very similar Phoenix/Bob/birds situation, and you suddenly regret keeping a big secret from him.  

Drunken Words, Sober Thoughts: You and Jake had a history of flirting and occasionally kissing if too much time was spent at the bar, but it never went any further than that. One night, after showing up at your house and passing out on your couch, Jake wakes up the next morning only to learn he had drunkenly confessed his feelings for you.

Alive: After you get into an accident, Jake has a hard time coping with how close he was to losing you.

More Than What We Are: You and Jake are friends with benefits, and you have one rule: No feelings! Jake decides that rule doesn’t work for him anymore. 18+

Less Misery, More Company: Jake has feelings for you but you don’t believe it, so you play a little trick to get back at him for all of his flirtatious teasing. But that little trick fails miserably, and as the weight of your mistake settles in, you realize you owe him an explanation, one that requires you to admit some things you’ve long denied.

Back for More: Jake up and left you without explanation right before a mission. Now he’s returned wanting you back, but you want that explanation before you’ll be willing to let go of the pain and heartbreak from his sudden departure a month prior. 

Scrapes and Bruises:  When Rooster and Hangman get into a fight over you. Basically, Rooster is not thrilled about your relationship with Hangman, and their issues with one another bring up some fears of your own.

A Mission of Another Kind:Jake is assigned to a mission he did not think he would have to take part in, despite training for it with everyone else. Considering its high level of danger, you had been happy he hadn’t volunteered for it, until he came to your house one morning to tell you he had been assigned and would be leaving within the hour.

Drabbles:

He Doesn’t - Jake doesn’t do relationships...right?

Early - Jake’s a sweet boyfriend when reader gets her period.

Jake helps his drunk girlfriend

His Princess

“The bed is cold without you here”

Perfect for me, Baby - Jake is there for you when you have body-image concerns. 

Get Me Through - Jake helps you through the death of a loved one. 

[luveline]

could we get more of beth being poorly? steve is a pillar but maybe him wavering? or how specifically if she poorly and how does it affect the rest of the family? love you!!

KBD —Steve has a wobble during Beth’s recovery. mom!reader

Bethie’s breathing is laboured again. You’re laying in bed with what feels like a hundred pillows surrounding you, acting as a mattress for your poor girl. Her body heat has made you clammy. 

Steve sits on the bed beside you to watch her, too. Downstairs, Robin and Dove are shouting about something, but Beth doesn’t stir. 

“What are we gonna do?” Robin asks theatrically. “We have to save the baby!”

You laugh, letting a slow hand trail down Beth’s back. 

Steve reaches over to feel her head again. “She’s just so warm,” he mutters. He sounds agitated, depressed, and worried all rolled into one. 

“I checked half an hour ago and she was ninety nine,” you say. “You wanna get the thermometer?” 

You point to the nightstand where her paper thermometer is. There’s a metal one he can stick under her tongue there too, but he takes the paper one and places it across her forehead, watching as the temperature warms the reader and the paper turns red at the end. He looks like he can cope with that for a few seconds, but then he grabs the proper thermometer and tips her head back. 

She whines but doesn’t wake. 

He puts it under her tongue, looking so sorry, and so tired. He waits, stroking her hair unconsciously, and whatever he finds must be a relief. His shoulders deflate. 

“Still ninety nine,” he says. His lip wobbles. “God, her nose looks so painful. All the skin around her mouth, too.” His eyes glass over. “I’m glad she’s home.” 

“She’s fine,” you comfort. 

“No, I know.” 

You grab his shoulder. He’s still lean despite the years, his arms rigid with muscle. You feel along them and try to soothe his worries away with soft touches. You cup his cheek, his stubble biting your palm. 

“She’s okay, don’t get upset. I know it’s been hard, but she did amazing. You should be so proud.” 

“I am proud, are you kidding?” There’s snark but no real incredulity as he turns his face into your hand. 

“In a week, she’ll be better. In two weeks you won't be able to tell she was sick.” 

Steve rubs his nose into your hand. “I can’t believe she was in hospital,” he whispers, “I’ve never been that scared before. But it’s like I didn’t even realise I was scared until the girls were asleep, and you weren’t home.” 

“I’m sorry, Steve,” you say. It must’ve been hard for him to keep coming home without her. You hadn’t thought about it as much as you could’ve, concerned for the weight on your stomach. 

“It’s okay.” He blinks away any sign of distress to be the pillar of strength again. 

“Do you want to take her?” you ask.

“No, god, don’t disturb her.” He strokes her nose. “It’s okay. You guys both rest. I’m gonna make sure Avery ate her dinner.” 

“Steve, it’s okay,” you say, trying to catch his hand before he can run away and hide his feelings. 

“I know.” 

“You can be worried about it. It was really scary. Just– just sit back down.” Emotion aches behind your eyes. Not nice to have Beth super sick, and not nice to see him hurting. “Steve,” you say softly, “sit back down. Just stay with her for a bit, you’ll feel better.” 

He sits down hard, looking down at your joined hand. He squeezes it. “Okay. Thanks.” 

Steve slouches down in the bed to wrap and arm around his poor girl. You close your eyes and lean back, content to hold his elbow against her back, and doze knowing the girls downstairs are well looked after. 

[vaultdwellerbarbie]

chasing shadows

javi rivera x f!reader (8.5k wc)

summary after the trauma of losing three friends, your boyfriend javi becomes incredibly distant and leaves for the military with as little as a note. when he finds out that kate had helped you get a job with her in new york upon asking her to come back to oklahoma with him, neither of you are sure how to proceed

content warnings smut, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex (don't try this at home), angst with a happy ending, trauma/near death experiences, probably more than half of this is tooth-rotting fluff, heavy mentions of freckles i'm so sorry i love them, idiots in love trope

hi all!!! i'm moving tomorrow and may not have time to write full fics until august 4th - if anyone has any hc requests for any or all characters pls send them almost a week without posting fics abt my beautiful twisters characters makes me sad

When you were a witness to three of your closest friends dying, and happened to only escape by the skin of your teeth, you figured that it couldn’t get much worse than that. 

Coping with what had happened was difficult, but you had survived. Kate had survived - even though Kate ran to New York City - and your boyfriend, Javi, had survived. So long as you had Javi with you, you reasoned, you were going to be able to recover from what had happened. You had lost them, but you hadn’t lost the person who you loved more than anything.

Kate, before leaving for Manhattan, encouraged you to keep him close. She had watched the beginning of your relationship - really, she had taken part in it. Her and Addy had been the ones that played matchmaker to get the both of you together since they were absolutely sick of watching you pine over each other like needy teenagers. She had lost her partner in the storm, and she was a constant reminder that you were lucky that you still had Javi. She reminded him that he was lucky that he still had you, too, since you had been by her side when the storm hit. You didn’t stay back with him, data collection wasn’t your role in the group. 

When you came back, he had to search hospital after hospital to find the two of you. Javi had no idea whether you were alive or not, and that was what killed him the most.

In the hospital, he promised to never leave your side, just as he had promised to Kate that he wasn’t going to take your relationship for granted. He had almost lost you, and he vowed that he was never going to allow himself to lose sight of you again.

For the first few months, you tried to find purpose in your life. While Javi was struggling to even think of a place where he could work, you ended up working at a local news station in the meteorology department. Javi wasn’t bringing any money home, but you didn’t expect him to. He moved in with you for a while, and you had hoped that the two of you were going to be able to recover. 

The first time you saw him smiling again was the first sign of hope you had that he was going to be able to get better, to at least get himself out of the house for more than the few hours that you went out with him. That hopefulness ended up being foolish, though. 

Javi did end up deciding to to out more, just not with you. Not with… anyone that he knew, and he certainly didn’t get a local job.

In a note that he left on your nightstand, seemingly after sneaking out in the early hours of the morning, he let you know that he had made a decision to join the military. Some part of you wanted to understand that he was coping, but you were coping too. You had done everything in your power to be there for him, to support him, to help him find some sort of peace in his life, and after promising to never let you out of his sight, he decided that he couldn’t find that peace with you in it. 

At first, you tried moving in with family. You couldn’t stand the idea of being alone for even a second, and you now had to add heartbroken onto the loss of your friends and your near-death experience. It was the very next day after his unannounced departure that you decided to move in with family, the very first time that you questioned if you had a purpose on the planet at all or if you were just being thrown into a sick joke after a sick joke until you finally got the memo that your time on this Earth was limited. 

Living at home lasted for about a week and a half before you reached out to Kate. She was, of course, dismayed that Javi had left without doing anything more than leaving a note. You still had his phone number, you could have reached out to him, but after the first day, you didn’t even consider it. He had chosen to break his promise, and you weren’t sure that you wanted him to respond. Did you want to hear his voice? Did you want to have a text message read and ignored by him? The risk felt like it outweighed the reward. So, while you were technically the one who went no-contact, it was his own choices that led you down that path. 

A day after your phone call with Kate, she called you back to let you know that there was an opening within her organization. It was more akin to what you had been doing, working in the meteorology department, but you would be reporting to a partner of the company and delivering the forecast on the news. The job sounded daunting, just speaking in front of that many people seemed scary to you, but it also seemed like a fresh start.

Plus, some petty, juvenile part of your brain wanted Javi to turn the weather on and be forced to see you one way or another. Granted, he probably wasn’t getting Manhattan-local weather wherever he was stations, but it was the thought that counted. 

So, with a little fee for breaking your lease early, you moved into a shoebox apartment in Manhattan with a single roommate because you didn’t trust yourself to have a place all to yourself. Not with your deteriorating mental health. 

After a while, you fell into the rhythm of things. Romance was something that never came back to you, but you also never looked for it. Sometimes, you considered doing something to bring some sort of romance back into your life. Mainly, you would try to go to a nice bar after work and consider bringing someone home after having yet another night’s sleep haunted by dreams of Javi and painful memories of the tornado. Each time, if someone got a little too close, you got clammy and ran. Maybe it was a refusal to have your heart broken again, or maybe it was because you just couldn’t find anyone who compared to him in your mind.

At one point, years later, you had received a message from Javi. Rather than send an actual apology, he just asked if you could call him. Naturally, rather than confronting your feelings and your past, you pretended that he had the wrong number. Was it the mature decision? Not at all. But, considering the fact that he had run away with little consideration for your feelings to do something that he had never once mentioned as being something that he was interested in, you weren’t convinced that the mature decision was something that he actually deserved.

It wasn’t until he showed up at the office that you forgot how to behave. 

Having decided to visit Kate in the morning to bring her coffee, something that you did every morning if she was starting after you, you didn’t expect to end up having her tell you to ‘come along’ to the conference room since she was certain that it wasn’t something you could at least sit outside of. Breakfast together was something sacred to you both, and everyone knew that. She, of course, could never have anticipated that the person that she was meeting with was the person who’s face, smile, freckles, and cold exit haunted your every waking moment whenever you let your mind wander to what could have been. 

Now, in your mind, there were two options. Option one, you could choose the flight response and leave the room just as quickly as Javi had turned to face you. Or, option two, you could choose the fight response and get into an argument with him right then and there about why he had done what he had done and how it had hurt you. Instead, you decided upon a secret third option in which you stood there silently, refusing to meet his eyes, playing with the sleeve of your shirt while he spoke with Kate.

If it weren’t for Kate dragging you along with her, you probably would have remained glued to that office floor for the rest of the work day just trying to figure out if what had just happened was real. But what had happened was real, and even though he had changed his hair and come back with a new look, he was still Javi. He still looked at you as though he was still in love with you even though you were certain that he never was, and he was still the person who had made you question if romantic love even existed. 

What began as an invitation for just Kate to come to Oklahoma, ended up being an invitation for the both of you to come. Both of you rejected it, but while Kate rushed out of the diner, you remained glued to your seat - this seemed to be a common occurrence.

“Are you going to come?”

“What?” That being the first thing either of you said to each other was certainly not how you would have ever hoped to reunite with him - but had you ever been hoping to reunite with him to begin with. Your heart was heavy just looking at him. Not just because you remembered the most recently feeling associated with Javi, being pain and heartbreak. But because you remembered the love that you had for him, and how much you adored every feature on his face, how it had become habit for you to trace and count the freckles on his skin and to stare at him when he smiled like he hung the moon in the sky. That pain went a lot deeper than feeling betrayed, because it took everything in you to not ask him if you could ever try again. 

“Are you going to come to Oklahoma?”

“Oh, uh, you heard Kate… so. I should probably get going, it was nice seeing you.”

“Wait-”

“I’ve gotta go. Late for work.” 

Without giving him another glance, you almost sprinted out of the door and back to the office. 

The rest of the day was filled with pain for you, pain even with Kate’s company because all you could think about wasn’t how he had hurt you, but how much you missed him. You almost wanted to text him, to tell him that you’d go. If you were being honest, you genuinely were interested in what he was describing. If it was what he said it was, perhaps what you had all wanted to have as an end goal to begin with was possible. But, beyond that, you knew that you were never going to stop missing him; you knew that you would never stop being in love with him.

Still, you held firm in your position to not reach out - how could you even explain to him that he actually did have the right number without sounding juvenile? Maybe you shouldn’t worry too much about that, since he was the one that left you to begin with. But you still worried, and you still couldn’t bring yourself to text him because as far as you were concerned, his efforts to patch things up had been abysmal at best. 

The next morning, Kate was incredibly forward with her desire to go back to Oklahoma. That was how you ended up on a plane with her even though you weren’t one hundred percent certain that you were making the right decision. It was one thing to go back to the place where you experienced your worst trauma, another to do the exact same thing you were doing that traumatized you in the first place, and it was only made worse with the added knowledge that you were going to be doing it all alongside the person who had left you more broken than you already were to begin with. 

Arriving in a place that was once so familiar to you should have felt like coming home after a long time away. In a sense, it did. Everything was something that you recognized at least in some capacity, and you couldn’t proclaim that you didn’t feel some sort of familiarity when Javi came to pick yourself and Kate up from the airport, but that certainly didn’t aid with your discomfort. Regardless of how comfortable you wanted to portray yourself, you were incredibly, incredibly worried about spending a week with Javi. In general, you just weren’t sure that you could handle it. Especially since he had taken the time to learn how to dress and smell nicely, rather than you just finding him attractive in anything he wore.

Still, you couldn’t deny that he would still be attractive in anything regardless of what it was. No matter how much time had passed, no matter how upset with him you were, you couldn’t deny that you still found him to be the most attractive person you knew - but maybe that was jut because you were in love with him.

The first day was a bit rocky for everyone. Kate hadn’t been able to go through with the chase and you had been so distracted with trying to help her that you weren’t able to do much to stop her. When she rushed you all into the car, you presumed that she knew what she was doing; Kate always knew was she was doing, so you trusted her. When it became clear that she didn’t, that she was just afraid, you could understand why. You had seen a few tornadoes since the last one, lived through them since you didn’t leave immediately, so you were a bit more desensitized to it. But chasing again was a different story, and it invoked a lot of memories that you had hoped would stay buried in your subconscious until you returned home at the very least. 

When you were able to return to your motel, you ended up spending part of the night out talking to some of the people tailgating in the parking lot. Javi had invited yourself and Kate, though you were certain that he knew just as well as you did how awkward it was going to be. That was why he didn’t mind so much when you broke off from awkward, stiff conversations to talk to Dani and Lily. They were, technically, the rivals to Storm Par, but he had done enough damage to your relationship and didn’t really feel any desire or need to do anything more to it.

Although you were a bit nervous to look at him, you would have been entirely blind to miss the longing glances. How every time you smiled - according to Lily - his entire face lit up before he started ‘pouting like you kicked him in the nuts’. When the Wranglers started dissipating into their rooms, the groupies that followed them did, too. There were only a few remaining stragglers, two of which being yourself and Javi.

“Thank you for inviting me.” Your voice was quiet, but your words were the same that you would give to a friend or a relative inviting you out for something or another. It should have been nothing more than that, it should have meant nothing more than that, but you knew that it meant something else. Even though you’d barely spent any time with him directly, you’d spent some time with him, a lot more time than you had since he left.

“Anytime, you should-” Javi paused, walking you to the steps of the motel. You let him walk up with you, it was the gentlemanly thing to do. Any man would do the same thing, was what you reasoned to yourself, even if it meant nothing since you were no longer in a relationship. “You should come out more often.”

“To Oklahoma? That would be pretty expensive.” You knew what he was really saying, but some part of you wanted to deflect it as much as you could.

“No- well, if you want to. But, no, I mean while you’re here. These don’t really stop unless something really bad happens. You know that.” You did know that, you used to do this with him all the time. The difference, though, was that even before you were dating him you spent the entire night glued to his side. Whether he was making you laugh, or it was the other way around - or, even, you just sat closely together because you liked being close together. 

For a moment, your mind was lost in a memory of a tailgate after a chase, a relatively calm chase at that. It was a bit busier outside than usual, not quite as humid as it could have been so more people were out and enjoying the weather and the company. You, however, got a little cold after a while. Sitting next to Javi, he noticed. He lent you his jacket, he let you fall asleep on him, and he held you until he felt just a little bit unsafe sitting outside since most people were in bed and it was getting incredibly late. That was the night in which you realized that you loved him, but now you were just left wondering if it ever really mattered just how much you loved him - how much you still love him. 

“Maybe, depends how tired I am I guess.” You responded, finally reaching the door to your motel room. You expected to just hear him bid you a goodnight, but you felt him lightly place a hand on your shoulder. 

Turning to face him, your breath hitched in your throat as you noticed how close he actually was. 

“Sorry.” Javi dropped his hand from your shoulder, but he almost seemed like he didn’t want to do so.

“It’s okay.” Your voice was meek, because a part of you craved his physical touch more than anything, just- something. A hug, even, a handshake. Something, after being apart for so long. You wanted him close more than anything, but that felt like it was something entirely out of your reach at this point. 

“I just wanted to talk to you- I wanted to tell you that I fucked up.”

“With the scanners?”

“No, I- I’m sorry, I’m so sorry about- I shouldn’t have left you like that, I regret it every day and I know nothing I can say to make it up to you but I just want you to know.”

You weren’t sure what to say, what you could say without crying. You wanted him to apologize years ago, but you also weren’t sure if anything he could ever do or say could make it up to you. 

“Why didn’t you at least keep in contact? I would’ve been okay with you going anywhere, even the military, if you didn’t cut me out. You know I would have supported you.” Just as you had supported him every day that you were together. He knew that, you knew he knew that. It was why it made no sense to you that he seemed to feel as though you wouldn’t be okay with what he had chosen to do. Realistically, you would have missed him, but you would have understood because you truly just wanted him to be okay. 

“I was a coward, that’s why. It had nothing to do with you, I messed up, not you.” Javi seemed to be struggling to find the words he was looking for - he had an expression on his face that was similar to one you had seen Kate pull, one that meant he was trying to find a way around expressing information that made him uncomfortable to even think about again. “I had so much guilt, I should have been there for you and I wasn’t. I’m sorry- you never should have been in the field, not without me, and you needed someone who can protect you, but I missed- I miss you. I miss you so much.” 

“That was never your fault, Javi.” You hated that he felt guilty for not doing more to help, for losing people he loved and almost losing you and Kate as well. Even though you were always upset with him for going without saying anything, you hoped that he had been able to find some sort of peace within himself in the process. He never seemed to conquer that guilt, but you hoped that he would. “I miss you more than anything.” You admitted, your eyes locked on his for only a brief moment before you were in his arms again.

You weren’t entirely sure who initiated the hug, but you couldn’t get enough of having him this close again, of the warmth coming off of his body. He was always so beautiful to you, and even though he looked different now, he was still the most beautiful, warm person you had ever had the absolute pleasure of knowing. A small part of your mind hated how much you still loved him despite everything, but another part of your mind was just happy to have him close. 

The feeling of his face pressed against you made you want to lean in closer, to hold onto him like it was the absolute last thing you were going to do. But, eventually, you had to pull away, to look at him, to speak more to him. 

“I lied about my phone number. I’m sorry.”

He nodded, not looking entirely surprised by that. “I probably deserved that.”

“Do you want to, um, do you want to talk about it more?”

“Please.”

So, for about three hours, you sat with Javi in the motel-room bed, discussing everything that had transpired and where it went wrong. At first, it almost just seemed like a series of apologies. Apologies that morphed into telling each other how your lives had been during the time that you were apart. Story tellings that morphed into you laughing together like nothing had ever happened, which morphed into you letting him hold you while you fell asleep and he practiced being transparent and telling you that he would probably leave while you were asleep since he had a meeting in the morning. 

Even though you fell asleep cuddled up to him, you rejected the impulses to kiss him again, to tell him that you were still terribly in love with him and that he should know. You, still planning on going back to New York, couldn’t be the one to do the very same thing that he had done to you and leave him alone

The next day should have been fine, and it was until the storm. The storm that left you hiding with a bunch of other people for shelter - without any of the people who you cared about the most. You knew that Javi had something to handle with his work, and you knew that Kate was with the cowboy that seemed fond of her. So, you decided that you wanted to explore. Since you hadn’t been around in a while, you wanted to re-experience the things that had once been so familiar to you before everything had gone wrong and you had decided to leave. 

For a while, it felt nice to wander around. But that didn’t last, and by the time you found Javi, you were thoroughly convinced that there was a chance you were never going to see him again.

“Please, please call me if you get stuck in a storm. I just need to know that you’re okay.” Javi’s voice was shaken, even though there were more things that were burdening him. Namely, Kate. Kate was burdening his mind because of their disagreement, because she had taken the car that let her use earlier in the day and run somewhere with it. But he was also shaken because he remembered what it felt like to almost lose you before, and he couldn’t do it again.

“Javi- I have to go back to New York.”

“What? No, no, you can-”

“The motel’s kinda out of service.”

“Stay with me, please. Just stay with me.” 

Staying with Javi was a slippery slope. If you had a vehicle, you could have driven to the family home. As it stood, that was too far away, and renting a car at this hour when a storm had just hit town was out of the question. If you wanted to, you could wait it out in the airport, eventually get an extremely early-morning trip back to Manhattan. Or, you could stay with Javi. The issue with staying with Javi was that you were worried that, if you did, you would never want to leave.

“Please, just one night.” Javi had been petrified of losing you, you knew that. “Just so I know you’re okay.” 

“One night.” 

It was almost sad how badly you wanted to pull him closer, to kiss him because a small part of you was worried that you were never going to be able to again since you were so ill-prepared for that storm. Instead, you settled on giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek and let him drive you back to where he lived. 

For about an hour you tried to sleep alone in his room while he slept on the couch, but when you couldn’t stop tossing and turning you found yourself lying awake. The underlying fear that another surprise would come from mother nature that evening was something that you couldn’t fully shake, even though it was incredibly unlikely. But then there was Javi. As much as you tried to think about something else, to distract yourself, all you could really think about was him. You hated that he was sleeping on the couch in his own home, that this bed smelled so much like him.

Finally deciding that you had enough, you got up from the bed and walked into the main room. He was still awake, texting one of his co-workers from the looks of it. There was a deep frown on his face, his eyebrows furrowed as he read whatever he was being sent. Even though he had denied earlier that he felt wrong about what he was doing while he was talking to Kate, it was clear that some part of him did. Maybe, though, it was her that got through to him and made him question if he was okay with his own actions or not.

“Javi?”

“You’re still awake, do you need anything?” He questioned, turning the phone off and giving you his full attention.

“You shouldn’t sleep out here, it’s not right.” 

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

As you walked closer to the couch, Javi moved into a sitting position so you had room to sit beside him. Theoretically, you could have chosen to sit on the opposite end of the couch. Instead, your body naturally decided to sit closer to him than you needed to.

“I’m not comfortable being alone right now.” It was something that you didn’t really want to admit, even to yourself. Growing up surrounded by storms, chasing them, it was something that you were used to. But you had almost died doing this before, and you had been caught entirely off guard by this one. Showing fear in the face of something that you were used to made you feel weak, and Javi could see the insecurity in your eyes when you told him that. That’s why he didn’t give any more thought to his own worries and agreed to join you in the bed. 

It didn’t take more than five minutes for you to swallow your pride and cuddle up to him, and his warm and welcoming arms allowed you to hear just how quickly his heart was beating. You couldn’t deny that you missed the feeling of his warmth, of his touch, of being with him like this. You had never stopped missing him, even though you tried to convince yourself that you were okay and at peace with what had happened. While you had predominantly found peace with your trauma, you could never find it with the idea of not having Javi in your life.

The feeling of his fingers tracing shapes into your skin distracted you from your thoughts, your mind beginning to slow down as you were lulled to sleep. 

When you woke up, you almost expected Javi to have already left. Last night was chaotic, and given the nature of his company, you were certain that he was going to have a lot to deal with. But there he still was, fast asleep with his phone still charging on the night stand. Often, you woke up before him when you were still together. It was how you got so good at making breakfast, even though your heart was always warm when he made an effort to get up early to make you breakfast instead. 

There was an urge within you to get up and do what you always did when you woke up before him, but you had no idea how long he could stay after he woke up or what he even had in his kitchen. It felt like overstepping your boundaries to go in there and just start cooking without even asking first. 

Besides, you were content to just lay there watching him. You always liked having time to observe him, to count the freckles on his face and enjoy the sight of him entirely relaxed. Even though you were both a little bit older, and he had cut his hair and shaved, he was still the man who you once knew. He was a little wiser now, though. A little more responsible than he was when you were with him before. 

As nice as it was, you grew worried after about thirty minutes. Assuredly, it was getting late and he needed to get up. Having lost your phone during the storm, you also had business that you were going to take care of during business hours. Mainly, though, you knew that Javi was messaging people about work late into the night, and as much as you wanted to watch him and let him rest, you also didn’t want him to get into any sort of trouble. Glancing toward the nightstand again, you finally found a small digital clock - it was partially concealed by a cup, but with a quick movement you finally took note of the time. It was a little bit after eleven in the morning, and you were certain that Javi should have been up by now.

After a momentary internal debate, you finally decided that you needed to do the responsible thing and wake him up. 

“Javi, I think you overslept.” Your voice was quiet, not wanting to disturb him too much as he blinked awake. You knew that he was never the biggest morning person in the world, so being too harsh with him was just going to make him pout.

“What time is it?”

“A little after eleven.” 

His eyes widened for a second, glancing at the clock. He grabbed his phone to make sure, and from the amount of scrolling he was doing it was clear that he missed a lot. You moved to get off of him, expecting him to drop the phone and run to get dressed as quickly as possible. Instead, he sent a single (long) message and set the phone back down as he turned back to look at you.

“Aren’t you going to get up?”

“The only storm today is pretty small, Scott can handle things for one day.” Scott seemed to have an easier time handling things than Javi did to begin with, though you were certain it was because he had a lot less of a heart than Javi did. “We weren’t planning on chasing today, so unless the predictions get upgraded…”

“What happened to mister responsibility?”

“I’m doing the responsible thing.” 

“By calling out of work?”

“By spending the day with you, I have more responsibilities than just my job.” Even though he wasn’t in a rush to get to work, he did still sit up. You sat up with him, your heart beating a bit faster than it was before. Javi was being somewhat presumptuous, but you had slept in the same bed as him for two nights in a row. If you had no interest in spending time with him, he would know that. But, that wasn’t the case. “Wanna get lunch?”

So, you got lunch with him. You spent probably too much time at the restaurant with him, and for the first time, you didn’t really think about the past. Really, you didn’t need to. You and Javi had both changed, but in a lot of ways, you were still the same. Some tiny, miniscule part of your mind was still upset with him, but you knew you had no reason to be anymore. He had done everything he could do to apologize, and was now choosing to spend time with you instead of running off to do work. 

After lunch, he took you to get a new phone. Of course, that took a lot longer than either of you wanted it to take. It wouldn’t be until late afternoon that you were finally able to feel fresh air on your skin again, but, you at the very least came out of that waking nightmare being able to respond to the voicemail that Kate had left you inquiring if you needed a place to stay or if you were going back to New York. When she heard you had stayed with Javi, she was a bit conflicted based upon her tones, but she wanted to figure that you knew what you were doing even if she wholly disagreed with it. 

Finally, Javi decided to take you to a park - a park that it didn’t take you very long to recognize was familiar to you. The weather was looking better after the early afternoon, low-damage tornado. 

“The week’s half over, isn’t it?” He asked, drawing your attention away from the playground in the distance. You had come here with him and the rest of your friends before, you knew he lived close to it but you weren’t sure if he went here often. Granted, you also did a lot of work here. There weren’t too many wifi coffee shops in the area at the time, so you often just volunteered one of your hotspots and did your course work in the park. Things were typically moved inside once you got your hands on the van. 

“According to my calculations, yes.” 

“You excited to go back?” Javi did his best to keep his voice level, to not give you too much of an indication of how he was actually feeling about the idea of you going back without actually putting any pressure on you to answer in any particular way. Just because you were okay with spending time with him now didn’t mean you would stay just because of him. The thing was, if he asked you to, you would - you might not quite realize it without it happening, but you would.

“Not particularly excited, no.” You admitted, sitting down with him on a park bench. “It’s been nice not having to be on people’s television every morning.”

“Right, forgot you were doing that. What’s it like being a celebrity?”

“Wouldn’t say local access news makes me a celebrity.” You retorted, especially since you were only on for half of the week unless there was a big storm coming. Most of the time, you were in the office. “I think you’d be a good weatherboy, so long as you don’t get on camera with Cheeto dust on your face.”

“I’ve actually cut back on those!” 

“You know, there was a shocking lack of red powder on your blankets I must admit.” 

“I was never that gross, was I?”

“I guess not, when you remembered to shower.” 

To be clear, he never went a whole week without showering, but three days - four days? He typically just forgot because he was too invested in what he was working on, so you took it upon yourself to remind him that he needed a work-life balance. The mere fact that he had even come out here with you, done things with you today, when he could have been working said a lot about his willingness to actually start having a work-life balance. But, Javi had changed a lot in general. His hair was shorter, he was more responsible, he had a lot more equipment, and he had seemed to be at some level of peace with what happened. Obviously, there’s no forgetting it or ever being the same, but he wasn’t depressed about it anymore. 

“So, um, you’re okay with me staying the full week right?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well-”

“Just keep in mind that we can’t oversleep tomorrow.” 

“I think you’re the one who overslept.” You responded, but you did too. You slept until pretty close to eleven in the morning, that was a lot later than you typically had to get up for work. Being in his arms was calming, it was the best sleep you had gotten in a long time. But you weren’t sure how to admit that, or if you even should. “Javi, I- uh…” 

“What’s wrong? Do you want me to sleep on the couch?”

“What? No. I kinda… I don’t- maybe I want to stay a little longer.”

“Oh.” There was a twitch of a smile on his face, but he subdued it by clearing his throat. “You can stay as long as you want.”

“It won’t bother you? I don’t know how used to the one-person apartment life you’ve gotten.” 

“I promise, it won’t bother me.” 

You nodded, glancing down at your hands before taking a breath - why not air out more of your conscience? It seemed like as good a place as any to do so. 

“Last night, I was really scared about- just about what happened, I guess, since I wasn’t prepared.” You hardly ever talked to him about your trauma from the past, because you didn’t need to. You had no reason to explain it to him because he had it too, even though he had been a bit safer than you had been. “But I was worried I wouldn’t see you again, mainly. I don’t want to not see you again.” 

The feeling of a hand on your shoulder forced you to look up at him, your eyes locking on his. He always was so beautiful to you, but the caring look in his eyes really just made you want to look into them forever. 

“I can’t handle the idea of not having you in my life again.” His words made your breath hitch, your eyes not parting from his for a moment. You were both silent, unclear where to go from there. 

Ultimately, it was you who broke through the invisible fence that separated the two of you. You who gingerly placed your hand on his cheek and leaned in, but it was him who closed the deal with a sense of relief and urgency that knocked the air out of your lungs. 

Javi’s hand found the back of your neck, his other hand resting on your hip to urge you closer so the kiss was more comfortable. You kept your hand on his cheek, your thumb moving over those freckles of his that you had missed touching and seeing more than anything. Your other hand rested on his forearm, holding him as closely as possible. 

It wasn’t until he deepened the kiss that you pulled back enough to speak, enough to take a breath. Your forehead rested against his, even though you were suddenly aware of your public surroundings. 

“You should take me home.”

“I should take you home.” 

The ride back to his place was an absolute nightmare. Whether it be your distress from the feeling of his hand against your thigh, or his distress from the way that you wouldn’t stop staring at him and playing with his fingers every time he touched you. At some point, he tried to ban you from looking at his arms because it was ‘stressing him the fuck out’, but you eventually made it in the door. 

It’s important to note that you only made it in the door, because you didn’t make it much further before he pushed you against the wall.

Javi had his lips against your neck fairly quickly, his hand sneaking down your body at a tortuous pace. You kept a hand tangled in his hair, your eyes never leaving him. 

“Did I tell you that I like your haircut?”

“Not yet.”

“Well, I really like your haircut.”

“I like yours too, but I like everything about you.” 

Grabbing his face, you rested your hands on his cheeks, his movements stilling as your thumbs brushed against his soft skin.

“I want the first time we do this again to be in your bed.” 

Javi’s eyes softened before he leaned in to press a chate kiss against your mouth before taking your hand to lead you into the bedroom. 

He took his time removing the clothing from your body, which was a lot more than you could say for yourself as you frantically tore item after item off of him before both of you were finally left in your underwear. He seemed amused as he kicked off the pants he was wearing, amused at the way you eyed him, at how eagerly your hands ran across his body. 

“You really missed me, huh?”

“I should hope you really missed me too.” 

“I did, more than you know. 

You let Javi push you back against the bed, your eyes locked on his as a slight smile covered your lips.

“Are you gonna show me?”

“Trust me, I’m gonna show you.” He motioned you to the top of the bed, following you and caging you in beneath him. “Sure you’re ready?”

“Don’t get cocky.” You replied, but you couldn’t help the wide smile that covered your face when you saw him smiling for just a moment. His smile had always been infectious to you, it was the thing that gave away to Kate that you were in love with him to begin with considering how you looked at him whenever he smiled. But that smile also always distracted you, which was how you just didn’t notice the feeling of his hand trailing down your body until he had a finger beneath the fabric of your panties, swirling around your seemingly already wet clit. “Fuck-”

“Just making sure you’re ready.”

Javi was always generous in bed, the only times he wasn’t was when you were both pressed for time but in desperate need of being together so you didn’t spend an entire day hot and bothered for no good reason. You had merely forgotten just how eager he was to please, though, he was often eager to be pleased as well which you were grateful for since you absolutely loved to hear him let loose. 

As much as you wanted to kiss him, it was a bit too intimate for a brief moment as his fingers dripped inside of you, the heel of his hand brushing up against your clit with each movement. To lock eyes with him, to be this vulnerable in front of him for the first time in five years, was a lot. It was overwhelming, but the intimacy was needed. You were certain that you could see the pent up emotions, the love, behind his eyes - and he was certain that he could see it behind yours, too. 

After a moment, you stopped staring at him so you could feel his mouth against yours. While He enjoyed the sounds coming from your mouth, he enjoyed feeling them against his lips even more. Everything felt both new and familiar, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that you never wanted to be apart from him again. 

Maybe it was just because you were so pent up, or maybe it was because he had put his best effort into the way in which his fingers moved inside of you, but you could feel yourself getting lost in the feeling a bit too much. When your kisses became weaker, Javi’s lips trailed down your jaw, settling on your upper neck where his teeth lightly grazed your skin. 

His fingers curled inside of you, your hips arching off of the bed for a moment before he used his free hand to keep you from gyrating too much. You tried to keep your eyes locked on him. On his face, his hair, everything about him. But it was just too overwhelming. 

The smell of him surrounding you, the feeling of his mouth against you, of his fingers inside of you - it was all so much at once, and if it weren’t Javi, you would have been embarrassed about how quickly you came on his fingers. 

Javi gave you a moment to calm down before bringing his face to be level with yours again, his hand slowly pulling out from your panties before playing with the hem of the fabric. 

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more sure of anything.” 

With that confirmation, Javi quickly pulled the last remaining article of clothing from your body while you removed the boxers that separated you from him. there was a feeling of relief, of familiarity, that came along with being able to be this close to Javi again. You missed him more than anything when you were apart from him, so feeling him push inside of you once again made you question if you were even okay with being apart from him when you both needed to do something as simple as work. 

Once he had pushed all the way inside of you, he gave you a moment to adjust. Bringing a hand to grab onto his hand, he turned it so you could intertwine your fingers with his. 

“Before we do this, I need to tell you that I love you.”

His breath hitched for a moment, his eyes widening before a smile covered his lips. “I love you too, so, so much.”

You were almost taken aback by how swiftly he leaned down to kiss you, your fingers tangling in his hair as you kissed him back. It was incredibly eager, but it made you laugh, too. You felt like whatever part of you that had been feeling incomplete was complete again, complete because you were with Javi again, because he had made an effort to make things better, and because after all that time apart you were still just as in love with each other as you had been before anything had ever gone wrong. 

Once he started moving inside of you, you knew that you were a goner. Your fingers squeezed his hand, your leg wrapping around his hips to pull him closer. The sounds inside of the room were obscene, the mumbled words of affection and the moans coming tumbling against each other’s lips - you were just glad that he didn’t have roommates. 

Javi didn’t really hold back, but you didn’t expect him to. You had both been apart, you needed this just as much as he did. You needed to feel his hips grinding against yours, to feel him moving in and out of you in a pace that was both needy and caring. No matter what, it was always clear to you how much he cared about making you feel good. Never did he do anything too rough, and if he got a little rough he would always catch himself and make sure that you were okay. But this was something wholly different, because it was almost like it was muscle memory for him, like he knew exactly what to do to make sure that you both felt as good as possible. 

Your body arched into his naturally, and Javi seemed to get the memo that you simply wanted him as close as possible as he let his hips push you down a bit. The feeling of his warm skin against yours had your fingers tightening around his hand, you weren’t sure how you could get any closer than this but you were sure that you would do it if there was something more that you could do. 

Bringing a hand down your body, you felt Javi press his fingers against your clit. You could feel his smile as you accidentally bit down on his lip, a moan leaving his mouth as he felt you soothing the bite with your tongue. 

His hips became more erratic, your moans melding together against each others lips as you became too distracted to be wholly invested in a kiss. It was incredibly intimate having him this close again, knowing that he wants to be this close to you after everything that has happened between the two of you. 

As you squeeze him throughout your own orgasm, it takes everything for him to not finish right then and there. But he holds off until you’ve ridden out your orgasm, pulling out to finish on your inner thigh 

It takes a few moments of sloppy kisses before you both get up, taking a shower together before ultimately crawling into bed. You’re surrounded as him as you do. By his smell, by his skin as he holds you tightly against his body, by the feeling of his clothing being on your body as you cuddle into him in the bed.

“I want you to stay, I don’t ever want you to go back to Manhattan.”

Glancing at him, your head lifting from his chest, you see the nervous expression on his lips upon confessing that to you and merely smile reassuringly. “I want to stay, Javi. I never want to leave you again.”

He lets out a breath, leaning in for a soft kiss. Your fingers brush through his wet hair, before resting on his cheek. Pulling away, you can’t help the giddy smile that covers your lips as you look at him. You may have gone through a lot of issues together, and apart, but it was clear that you both understood that you were better together.

Some part of you was always sure that he was going to end up in front of you again, that your life was never meant to be one without Javi, and you just couldn’t help but be beyond happy and relieved to know that part of you was right. Javi, you were sure, was always meant to come back to you - and you were always meant to be with him. Now all you really needed to worry about was making up for lost time and settling into your new (or… old… familiar) way of life.

[la-petite-lapin]

Keeping Secrets | John Price x female!reader

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John Price x afab!Reader Word Count: 2.3k Content Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, smut, mentions of injury, cannon typical violence, swearing, age gap (reader is in her twenties, John is in his forties), suggestive content, oral (F receiving), PIV (protected (stay safe, kids)), brief mention of Price JRs, no use of Y/N

The Captain and the Sergeant start keeping secrets from the rest of the taskforce

It wasn't like it was in the movies or the books. There were no longing glances across crowded rooms; no deep, personal conversations late at night. There was no warning.

The first indication that anything had changed between the two of you was in a dimly lit safehouse. A job had gone wrong - horribly, irreparably wrong - and Soap had been medevac-ed out to the nearest army hospital. The rest of you would have to wait until morning; would have to make it through the night when a countless number of enemy operatives could still be hunting you, then hike to the nearest evac point before sunrise.

Ghost was pacing the worn wooden floors, and you were sure he'd wear through them at some point. You knew better than to make a joke about it - knew better than most the deep bond that he and Johnny shared. To mock it would be to die a brutal death by Ghost's hand in the night.

Gaz was coping with it in the best way he knew how: checking in with everyone, yourself - as the newest member of the taskforce - included, mother-hening his way around the three-room cabin in the middle of rural woodlands.

It wasn't until he'd finally convinced Ghost to sit down and take a breath, that Captain Price finally approached you. Heavily, he lowered himself down to sit beside you on the shabby old sofa, not saying a word at first as you stared ahead at nothing.

Johnny had been standing right next to you when it all went to shit. Him diving in front of you like a lunatic was probably the only reason that you were there with them. The shot to his shoulder would have been a direct headshot on you.

It was hard not to feel bitter or dazed about that.

"It's not your fault, Sarge," John said, his voice markedly softer than usual. He typically made it a point to avoid babying you in any way - knew that you hated being treated differently to the boys - but you could make an exception for him just the once. "Soap chose to block that bullet. Saved your life an' all. Cheer up, yeah? He's alright and you'll see 'im soon enough."

You turned to face him, offering him a small, weak shadow of a smile. "I know. It just sucks."

John frowned, seeing through the thin veil of fake cheeriness. Quieter, he added, "It's alright to be shaken by this, too. First near-death is always scary. It stays with you in a way the ones after don't." There was a pause - a long, tentative pause - as he leaned forward, elbows resting on his parted knees, dark eyes finding yours and holding them. "If- if you don't want to be alone tonight, you don't have to be."

Laid out in the open like that, the offer seemed so damn tempting.

Your mind raced through all of the shit that could go down if you took him up on it - if you were found out. You could be removed from the taskforce, stripped of the sergeant rank that you'd fought so hard to attain. John could be reprimanded for sleeping with an officer under his orders. But, if no one knew... what was the harm?

With a soft, sweet smile - a genuine one this time - you tilted your head, leaning slightly into his space on the sofa. "Yeah. I think I'd like some company, Captain."

Hours later, after Ghost had fallen asleep on the floor of the living room and Gaz had been assigned first watch, Price led you into the smaller second room of the safehouse - the bedroom - under the guise of checking your wounds. In reality, the minor scrapes to his arm and leg had already been dressed, not requiring any further attention. If anything, the cut to Gaz's forearm was of a higher severity.

John grinned as he shut the door with a soft thud, sliding the flimsy, rusted deadbolt across to lock it. You were thankful for the added security; the increased reassurance that the boys wouldn't be able to just wander in and catch you in the act.

The bedroom was poorer lit than the main room, making it harder to see. The moon illuminated the outline of the Captain's broad, muscular frame as he removed his beanie and tactical vest before turning his attention to his belt. You took a seat on the edge of the bed, thighs clenching in an attempt to relieve some of the aching tension in your core.

He took his time stripping down to his white t-shirt and boxer briefs, the material straining with the impressive tent in the front. "Like what you see?" he grumbled cockily, noticing your attention.

You let out something akin to a whine. He looked so good - so unbelievably good after the day from Hell you'd just had. There was also something else that made it undeniably more thrilling; the risk of getting found out. The taboo of it all.

You couldn't deny that you'd found Price attractive before that deployment. You'd spent every day for the past two years around him, living, eating, and working alongside him and the boys. It had also been a fact of life that he had a following - a constant, ever-present gaggle of new, female recruits cornering him in the hallways and vying for his attention. But he never took any of them to bed, preferring to spend his nights in the barracks alone.

At first, you'd thought that he had a wife or a partner off-base, but a conversation on your last stakeout together led you to the truth; he just wasn't interested in the barrack bunnies. He wasn't interested in sleeping with someone just for the sake of it - just because they wanted to get a piece of taskforce 141's infamous Captain.

"I think I might need to see some more to decide," you purr teasingly, lifting a hand to beckon him closer to the bed.

He stepped forward slowly, hands rising to rest on his tapered hips. He was built like a bear; broad, built, and covered in a fine layer of downy body hair.

You licked your lips, eyes tracking every single minute movement.

"I think I need to see something from your first, princess," John teased. "It's only fair."

Eyes never leaving his, you made quick work of stripping out of your own tac vest and pants, chucking them over the edge of the mattress and into a heap on the floor. You even went one step further; shucking off your t-shirt. With a small smirk, you leaned back, clad only in your flimsy underwear and sports bra.

John's eyes were practically bulging out of his head.

"Like what you see, Captain?" you purred, words a light-hearted mockery of his own self-assured crowing.

"If I'd have known," John grumbled as he took another slow, measured step towards the bed, "that this is what you looked like under all that gear, Sergeant, we'd have done this a long time ago."

A grin formed on your lips, ego expanding ten sizes as John prowled across to close the rest of the distance. His irises were all but swallowed up by his pupils, blown with lust.

Shuffling back on the mattress, you eased back as John came to a stop, kneeling between your parted legs. With a lover's gentle reverence, he pressed a kiss to each of your knees in turn before turning his attention to the scrap of damp cotton protecting your modesty.

"May I?" he asked softly, fingers hovering over the waistband at the side, thumb smoothing a path along the ridge of your hipbone.

Breathily, you gave your consent. "Yes. Please, John-"

With practiced ease, he lifted your hips up and off of the bed, guiding your underwear down your bare legs then chucking them to join the rest of the clothes littering the floor. His hands skimmed back up, callouses feather-light against the skin of your calves before rising to knead your plush thighs when he reached them once again. He seemed to be mapping out your body; ghosting over the sensitive parts repeatedly, lingering where he'd deduced you liked to be touched.

The man was a fast learner. An eager one, for sure.

When he'd finished kneading at the soft skin there, he pushed your thighs apart, holding them down to the mattress and exposing the moisture glistening at their apex. Licking his lips, he bowed his head slightly, lowering his body down to the bed.

"John?" you asked, confused as to where he was going and why he still had his briefs on. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing, princess?" he mumbled against your inner thigh, dark eyes lifting to meet yours. "Didn't think to bring any rubbers with me, and I don't fancy having any little Prices running around any time soon." A spark of mischief glittered within his gaze as he nuzzled his bristly moustache against a particularly sensitive spot. Your shiver seemed to only embolden him further. "Which means tonight's all about you."

You arched your back off of the bed, trying to push his face closer to where you desperately needed it. "Can you hurry up then?" you whined, getting impatient.

John chuckled. "Yes, ma'am."

And, with that, he bowed his head and made good on his promise.

"John!" you yelled, thighs burning with the strain as you bounced up and down on his cock. "John- fuck!"

A whole three months had passed since the first night you'd spent together in the safehouse. The morning after, you'd fully expected him to put an immediate stop to it the moment you were all rescued. Instead, he'd held your hand in the Heli - tucked between both of your bodies, hidden from sight - and promised that you'd talk about what this is later.

Nights since had been split between your room in the barracks and his. Mornings, too, upon occasion. Every spare moment the two of you got alone was accompanied by the feeling of his large, warm hands on you. By his constant, protective presence in your life.

It was a miracle that no one had noticed the new pull between the two of you. How you seemed to orbit one another.

And then there was the sex. The constant fucking.

"Keep it down, princess," he grumbled, breathless and sweating, beneath you. He didn't look too bothered though - too blissed out to properly care or consider the consequences of someone overhearing.

Clinging to some semblance of intelligent thought, you bit down on your wrist in an attempt to muffle the sounds leaving your mouth, drawn out by the captain and his fat cock. It was quickly becoming one of your favourite parts of him, second only to his beautiful, expressive laugh. It was no secret to you that he was well-endowed. Well-endowed and skilled at utilising it.

"Stop that," he grumbled gruffly, raising a hand to gently remove your wrist from between your teeth. He quickly replaced it with his own hand, guiding the soft part of his palm between his thumb and index finger into your mouth. Anything to prevent you from accidentally injuring yourself. "Keep riding, love. I'm getting close."

A part of your brain purred at that. Love.

It was a pet name that he used sparingly. Perhaps because he saw the flash of panic in your eyes almost every previous time he'd used it.

But now...

You tipped yourself back, hands finding purchase on his tensed, thick thighs to deepen the angle. Freeing his hand from your clenched jaw, you whimpered, "I'm... John, I'm so close."

"Me too, sweetheart," he mumbled, speeding up the pace of his thrusts. He punctuated the sentence with a snap of his hips. "Me too."

Wrapping his arms around your waist, he tugged you down into his chest and rolled, rising up onto his knees as he set you on your back. Pressing a trail of soft, tender kisses to your face and neck, he picked up the pace; drilling deliciously deep.

You whined, squeezing your legs around his waist and clawing at his back with your fingernails.

With a low growl, John lost it. Turning frantic as he barrelled towards his rapidly approaching end, he pushed you towards your own orgasm - practically bullying it out of you.

You came with a sharp scream, turning your head in a fraught attempt to smother the sound in the pillow. It smelled of Price - rugged, masculine aftershave and a hint of tobacco smoke.

He himself came moments later, gasping as his release swept over him. Covering your body like the world's best weighted blanket, he slumped down on top of you.

Still buried deep inside the paradise at the apex of your thighs, he pressed a sloppy, lazy kiss to the side of your neck, running his nose along your throat. It was one of the best part of sex with Price; the cuddling that came after.

Giving a small jolt of his hips, he grumbled something into your salty skin.

"Hm?"

John lifted his face slightly, breath tickling the underside of your jaw. "I said, I wish I was ten years younger. Then I could go again and again without a half-hour break between each round."

You giggled. John's age was something that you didn't mind. You knew that the age gap between you probably would have put some people off, but - if anything - he made you feel safe and respected. Though that could be the fact that he was a highly-decorated war vet, and a complete Golden Retriever of a man.

Pressing a kiss to his temple, you whispered, "I wouldn't have it any other way, John."

There was a beat of silence as the two of you soaked up the moment; the feeling of just holding one another on the sweat-soaking sheets, oblivious to the world outside of the little bubble you'd created for yourselves. With a chaste kiss to your shoulder, John gave another tentative roll of his hips, drawing another whiny groan from you.

"You sure know how to make an old man feel loved, princess."

Before you could reply - to bring up to the l-word that you'd both been skirting around for weeks now - your phone chimed. The alert tone was one you'd reserved for the other members of the taskforce only.

Why would they be messaging on a Sunday night?

A wave of panic cresting inside of you, you eased John's softening cock out of you, wincing at the sudden emptiness. Your phone was on the desk, all the way over on the other side of the room. It seemed so impossibly far as you scrambled for it.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" John asked, suddenly fully alert and hurrying to tug his boxer briefs back on.

Wordlessly, you read the message you'd just been sent. Your face blanched to an unhealthy pallor as you handed him the phone. A single message notification waited on the screen, glaring with accusation.

GHOST: We heard everything, you two. Think you owe us an explanation at the very least. Rec room in ten minutes.

John looked up from the phone screen, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a lopsided, sheepish smile. "Well, I guess that's what we get for keeping secrets, princess."

a/n: hello, hello :) so this was the Price X 141!reader fic that won the poll! I've had so much fun writing this one - not that I don't love Double the Love (my firstborn fic) please feel free to tell me what you want to see next! - happy surprise-post thursday, lapetitelapin :)

[megalony]

Attacked- Part 2

Thank you to everyone who was so engaged and in love with this Eddie Diaz imagine. I've managed a follow up and I have a third part planned out. I hope you will all like it.

Let me know what you think.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra8484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @shelbygeek @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone

Eddie Diaz Masterlist

Part 1

Summary: (Y/n) has moved on from her abusive ex. She's happily married with a family. Until her ex sees her and attacks her in the street.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Stay still, baby, please?" (Y/n) couldn't keep the tiredness from her voice as her shoulders dropped and her teeth sank down on her bottom lip.

Evie wasn't making things easy for her.

Her little legs were kicking out and coiling up to her stomach like she was pretending to ride a bike or kick at a football. She wouldn't stay still. (Y/n) was sure her little girl didn't wriggle this much before she hurt her wrist. Evie seemed to be doing this on purpose because she knew (Y/n) was struggling to change her and get her dressed.

Maybe she was doing it so Eddie would come and change her. Maybe she thought it was funny that (Y/n) was getting easily irritable lately.

She poked her tongue between her teeth and tried again to get Evie's legs back into her onesie. It had taken a good ten minutes for (Y/n) to change her nappy with how she kept wriggling and trying to roll onto her tummy to get further up the bed.

(Y/n) had never been more relieved that Eddie had been at the hospital with her and had spoken for her.

After arriving at the hospital, everything blurred together. (Y/n) didn't know whether the nurse had given her anaesthetic to knock her out or if the pain relief and her concussion had made her pass out. All (Y/n) knew for sure was that after arriving in the emergency room, she had gone unconscious.

She had an MRI, a CT scan and even an X-ray all while she was unconscious, which seemed to have been the best thing as she didn't panic or scream or demand Eddie be in the room with her.

And he had told them not to give her a pot on her arm when they found out her left arm was fractured an inch below the wrist. She was extremely lucky she had two fractures in her arm rather than in her wrist. If Jamie had stomped on her just two inches higher up, he would have shattered her joint and made her recovery even worse.

Eddie told the doctor that (Y/n) was a new mum, she couldn't go round with a pot on her arm when she had a newborn to look after. And he knew whether or not they had Evie, (Y/n) wouldn't stand for feeling helpless with a pot.

They gave her a removeable foam cast that strapped with velcro around her wrist and hand. And it had two metal beams on either side for support and to keep her arm straight.

She had had the cast for five days now and (Y/n) couldn't cope. She didn't know how she was going to manage the next three weeks like this.

"Baby, please-"

Whatever bribe she was about to try and tell her daughter turned into a morphed cry when Evie kicked her in the arm.

It wasn't intentional, she was a baby with the attention span of a fish. She wasn't entertained having her nappy changed and she wanted to wriggle around and play and babble and find something amusing. But it felt personal. It felt like Evie was trying to hurt (Y/n) while she was already down.

Her teeth sank down on her tongue hard enough to draw blood and (Y/n) pulled away from the bed, coiling her throbbing arm to her chest like it was about to snap off.

Her knees sank down to the carpet and she groaned, smothering her face in the bed sheet to morph her scream.

Her fingers grazed up and down her arm while the cover soaked up her tears that wouldn't stop once they started. (Y/n) didn't want to scream and startle Evie or make her cry. She could barely soothe Evie when she was distressed. She couldn't rock her properly when she only had one good arm and she couldn't play or comfort her or lift her up. (Y/n) could barely carry her. Upsetting her wouldn't do either of them any favours.

"Mi amor… what's going on, hm?"

Eddie cautiously padded into the room, his eyes differing between his two girls to find out what the problem was.

He leaned over the bed and smiled softly at Evie who was cooeing and dribbling, but she was settled enough in the middle of the bed. She wasn't about to fall or roll off and she wasn't distressed or being fussy. Eddie gave her foot a little tug to grab her attention before he slowly crouched down beside (Y/n), shifting his weight from his heels to his toes.

He rested one hand on (Y/n)'s arm and gently slid his other hand beneath her cheek, carefully lifting her head up from the bed so he could look at her. If it wasn't for her quiet cries and the shaking in her shoulders, Eddie would have thought she had fainted.

"Baby…" He waited. Nothing but love and patience radiated off of Eddie while he waited for (Y/n) to tell him what was wrong.

She didn't say anything. The tears falling from her lashes and the way she gingerly held her trembling, swollen arm out towards him was worth a thousand words. She'd hurt her arm.

"Okay, let's get your cast back on."

He took a quick look around the room before he let go of (Y/n) and moved over to the chest of drawers beside the door to grab her cast. When he knelt down in front of her, (Y/n) kept her eyes on his knees but she held her arm out, trying to stop the shaking so he could get the cast on.

Her thumb slid easily into the groove and Eddie was gentle when he secured the velcro straps tight around her arm so the metal rods were pressing into her arm. Once it was pinned in place, he glided his thumb up and down the back of her hand.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm useless, I- I can't even change her," (Y/n) moved her hand to her temple but she quickly jerked her hand away when her temple throbbed.

She kept forgetting about the five stitches in her head.

She couldn't hide the stitches behind her hair, they split right across the left side of her temple. But even now the swelling had gone down from what it had been, touching the stitches or anywhere near them felt like someone was sending currents rocketing through (Y/n)'s blood. It was as if she was hitting that brick wall all over again whenever she tried to touch her forehead.

She slumped her cheek down against the bed and closed her eyes, but it didn't do anything to hide or stop the tears from falling.

"Baby you're not useless because you're getting used to something different. And it's not gonna be like this for long."

Eddie laid his left elbow on the bed and propped his head on his hand while he reached his right hand out and started to glide his fingertips up and down her thigh. He knew how she felt. After he got shot he couldn't use his right arm for nearly a month and he'd never felt more hopeless and frustrated all at once. If he didn't have (Y/n) around to help look after Chris and help Eddie get dressed and washed, he didn't know how he would of coped.

But she wasn't useless. She had managed to change Evie, it was just a little harder to get her dressed but it wasn't impossible and if (Y/n) couldn't do it, all she had to do was ask Eddie. And Chris was more than willing to help, he had been trying to look after Evie since the moment they brought her home. He was thrilled to be stepping into the big brother role.

"It's three weeks."

"So for the next three weeks I'll change her and you feed her." There was a hint of a smile on Eddie's face but it disappeared when a fresh wave of tears poured down (Y/n)'s face.

"You'll change her at work?"

Eddie would have to go back to work eventually. It didn't matter whether he wanted to stay home with (Y/n) or not, he couldn't stay off work with her forever. And (Y/n) knew the longer Eddie stayed home, the more reluctant they would both be about him going back.

But she didn't want him to leave her.

If Eddie went to work, what was (Y/n) going to do? How would she feel safe when Jamie had made her more vulnerable by breaking her wrist and splitting her head open. How could she defend herself now?

How could she leave the house?

How was she going to look after the kids with Eddie away for twelve hours at a time? Leaving (Y/n) to get Evie changed and washed and dressed and helping Chris get ready and taking him to and from school. And making dinner and washing and cleaning and doing the shopping. (Y/n) couldn't see herself doing any of that right now.

"We'll sort something out, baby. I'm not going back to work yet, not until I know you're okay."

He leaned across and moved his hand to cup the back of (Y/n)'s neck. When she pushed forward into his chest, Eddie kissed the top of her head and smoothed his thumb up and down her skin. He took a few deep breaths, inhaling the scent of her shampoo while he felt her right hand scrunch up in his shirt.

He tilted his left wrist at an angle and glanced down at his watch before he clicked his tongue.

"Alright, school run." He murmured into her hair, managing a small smile when (Y/n)'s eyes followed him as he pushed up to his feet.

She let him curl his hands around her elbows and gently ease her up from the floor. And a smile formed on Eddie's lips when he looked down on the bed and saw Evie wafting her arms out in front of her like she was trying to catch something.

"Come here, wriggler."

It was almost irritating how quickly and easily Eddie wrangled Evie into her onesie and scooped her up. Almost like she had truly been playing (Y/n) up but now she was being as good as gold for Eddie. Her chin perched on his shoulder and she drooled against his neck while her legs kicked and tapped against his stomach.

"I'll take her with me for a stroll… do you wanna come with us for a walk?" Eddie bounced Evie on his chest and pressed a gentle kiss to her small wisps of hair as he headed down the hall, feeling (Y/n) close behind him.

It wasn't far to the school and it would be good to get Evie out for some fresh air. And Eddie didn't have to rush off to work so he could take the time to walk Chris to and from school instead of drive him there.

Eddie headed down the hall and slipped on his trainers, but when he turned to look over his shoulder, dread pooled in his stomach. He thought (Y/n) was following behind him because she was agreeing to come with him to pick up Chris. But he could feel his heart hammering away in his chest making his stomach churn when he watched (Y/n)'s face fall.

It was as if he'd told her he was leaving for the whole week rather than just for half an hour. Her teeth clamped down on her lower lip but it didn't stop her lips from falling into a frown and when her eyes began to water, Eddie felt like crying too.

"No."

"Okay, I'll take Evie with me, I won't-"

He barely curled his hand around the pram before (Y/n) moved so she was stood in front of him. She tried to grab his wrist but had to switch hands when she remembered the cast that was constricting her left hand. Her grip on his wrist was sharp and sudden and Eddie froze, watching with panic in his eyes as (Y/n) started to shake her head.

She pushed the pram and pulled Eddie's hand away as if it was fragile and he was going to break it. What was she doing? What was wrong?

"No, don't take her. She can stay with me." The desperation in her voice caught Eddie off guard. Why wasn't he supposed to take Evie with him? It was only for a walk.

"Why?" He couldn't hide the caution from his voice or the unease that was written across his face.

"It's not safe."

"What's not safe?"

"If, if he sees her, he'll know. He'll know she's ours and he'll hurt her."

Eddie could feel his shoulders tensing up and when (Y/n) let go of his wrist, he moved his hand to gently cup the back of Evie's head. He pressed another kiss against her head, trying to slow down his breathing and stop himself from panicking as much as (Y/n).

His thumb danced across Evie's cheek and he could feel (Y/n)'s eyes burning into him when he took two steps forward and leaned over the pram. He couldn't have this conversation and try to console (Y/n) while he had Evie in his arms. He had to put her down despite the way (Y/n)'s words made him want to cling to his daughter tighter in a vain attempt to keep her safe.

He turned so he was facing (Y/n) and he kept his movements slow while he held his hands out towards her. When she didn't pull away or take a step back, Eddie cupped her face in his hands and stood close enough so their chests were touching.

He could feel her breaths turning shallow and how she was panting to try and take in enough oxygen. He wanted desperately to press his forehead down against hers, but he couldn't without touching her stitches and inflicting agony on her.

"Baby, I promise you that he isn't going to get anywhere near you or Evie. I won't let him. She's safe, I'll keep her safe-"

"She's safe here! He doesn't know about her, let her stay with me… Eddie he- he stomped on my wrist because he s-saw my rings. If he sees you with a pram, he'll know a-and he'll try to hurt her. I can't- he can hurt me but not Evie!"

(Y/n) had been so thankful that her mum had looked after Evie when Jamie stumbled into her and attacked her. She didn't know what he would do. She had no idea whether he would try to take Evie to torment (Y/n) or if he would resort to hurting a baby or frightening her. The possibilities were endless and frightening and tormenting.

But right now, Evie was safe. Jamie didn't know (Y/n) and Eddie had had a baby. If he saw Eddie with a pram, it wouldn't take a genius to figure out that it was (Y/n)'s child and that would infuriate Jamie. He broke her arm because he found out she had married Eddie, (Y/n) didn't want to imagine what he would do if he found out she'd started a family with him and was moving on with her life, without Jamie.

If Evie stayed home with (Y/n), there was no chance of bumping into Jamie on the street while he was out on bail. He wouldn't find out and (Y/n) could keep Evie safe.

"No."

Eddie's gritty voice took (Y/n) by surprise and she shivered, at the point of cowering down. She didn't know what he meant.

"Don't- Don't say that. Hurting you isn't okay. If the team hadn't been there the other day, I'd of snapped his neck for what he's done to you. But I won't let him do it again, he won't see or touch either of you."

He hated that (Y/n) felt like she had to rationalise this and think that if she got hurt it was okay, as long as Evie stayed safe. Eddie didn't want her to think like that. He needed (Y/n) to understand that getting hurt was not acceptable and Jamie needed to be held accountable for what he'd done.

Eddie knew without a shadow of a doubt that if the team hadn't of been there with him in that moment, Jamie wouldn't have made it out alive. Eddie would have smashed his head into that wall. He would of broken every bone he could find and leave him bleeding out in that alley like he deserved for everything he had put (Y/n) through.

He wasn't letting Jamie do that again and he would never let him get near Evie. Eddie would die before that happened.

"So, so let Evie stay home with me… baby we're safe here-" (Y/n) scrunched her hands up in Eddie's shirt so tightly he could feel the desperation radiating off of her and it made his eyes water.

"Oh mi amor… I can't keep you two locked up in the house. You think I don't want to? I know you're all safe here with me, I wanna keep you here and take you with me to work or wherever I go so I know nothing's gonna happen to you. But I can't do that. You can't stay locked up in the house with the kids to keep them safe."

He wanted to. God, Eddie wanted to lock that front door with fifty bolts everytime he was going to leave (Y/n) alone.

He would take her with him if he could. He would bring (Y/n), Chris and Evie to the station and watch over them at all times. He would get the team to come over to the house and keep them safe if Eddie had to go out anywhere. But he couldn't do any of that.

If Eddie let (Y/n) stay cooped up in the house with Evie, it was going to enforce the fact that her anxiety was right and the house was the only safe place for her. She couldn't think like that or she would never leave the house.

It had been a struggle in the beginning for (Y/n) to feel brave enough to leave the house before her attack. Now Jamie had set her back miles and frightened her to the point of wanting to stay locked up in her own home so she didn't have to fear getting hurt. He was locking her in a cage without even knowing it and that killed Eddie. It killed him that Jamie could have this much power over them and could continue to hurt (Y/n) when he had no right.

"Come with me. Take a walk down to the school with me baby-"

"It's not safe!"

"I'll keep you safe. No one's gonna go near you, I won't let him or anyone else hurt you, I promise."

(Y/n) leaned forward and smothered her face in Eddie's chest, crying harder at the pain that burned behind her temple and blinded her eyes with white spots. She could feel her knees buckling and her lungs cutting off from the panic and the throbbing agony mixing together inside of her like a churning cauldron.

When he felt her murmuring 'I can't' over and over into his chest, Eddie cupped the back of her head and kissed her hair.

"Okay, okay, shh. It's alright." He began to sway them from side to side with his arm tightening around her waist. "Let me take Evie to get Chris, let me show you she's gonna be okay, I'm not gonna let anything happen to her or Chris, you know that."

He almost fainted with relief when he realised (Y/n) was nodding against his chest. She was agreeing with him on this. She would stay home while Eddie went to pick up Chris and (Y/n) would see that nothing was going to happen.

It didn't matter whether Eddie ran into Jamie in the street or if Jamie saw Eddie with a ten year old and a newborn in a pram. Because Eddie would keep their kids safe. He wouldn't let Jamie approach them or say one word to the kids.

And in a few days, Eddie was going to try and get (Y/n) out the house. They would start small, going round the block or just out on the front. But he couldn't go back to work if (Y/n) was going to hibernate in the house. He had to help her move forward and get some sense of normality and control back before he dared think about leaving her for any amount of time.

"It's all gonna be okay."

***

"I don't want to."

(Y/n) coiled her left arm to her chest and began to glide her fingertips up and down the foam cast and along the metal beam supporting the cast in place. Her eyes cast down to her feet that were fidgeting on the spot.

Her head was filling up with air. The stitches in her temple were throbbing. Her temple felt like it was swelling up, about to explode. Her arm was aching like it was being fractured all over again and it felt like it was going to drop off. Adrenaline was shooting through her stomach and she felt like she was going to be sick.

She couldn't do this.

She began to shake her head as tears pooled in the corners of her eyes but when she looked up at Eddie, she felt her knees tremble.

"Baby, it's just a walk. I'm gonna be with you, you're safe with me aren't you?"

When Eddie reached out and moved his hands to her hips, (Y/n) pushed forward and burrowed her head into the crook of his neck.

He wasn't opening the front door and pushing (Y/n) out all alone to fend for herself. He wasn't forcing her to go out alone and walk the streets and feel like a prey waiting to be captured. He was going to go out with her and see how far they could walk. Even if it was just up and down the street or round the block.

Eddie just needed to get (Y/n) outside.

One week in the house was enough or else (Y/n) was never going to feel safe going out and Eddie needed to make her feel safe. He would do anything in his power to make her feel safe.

(Y/n) moved her hand, pressing her palm against Eddie's chest and she looked up at him for a few seconds before she looked across towards the living room.

"They're fine, Hen's watching them." He could see the worries floating around in her head.

He knew it would be too much for (Y/n) to try and go out with the kids on the first try. She would panic too much about bumping into Jamie and struggling to keep the kids safe and get them back home. Eddie needed to get her out on a walk, just the two of them to show (Y/n) she was okay before they tried going out with the kids.

"Come on, just a quick walk."

(Y/n) looped her good hand around Eddie's arm and tucked herself into his side as much as she could without knocking him over.

She couldn't help but close her eyes and mesh her forehead into his shoulder but she knew he didn't mind.

Stepping outside didn't feel too bad. Getting out the house wasn't so much a problem as the thought of being outside or more specifically, being away from the house. How would (Y/n) be safe if Jamie was walking the street? What if he tried to hurt her? What if he went for Eddie and hurt him? What if Eddie retaliated and took things too far, what was (Y/n) going to do?

Eddie could feel the tension radiating off of (Y/n) when they walked down the drive. It was as if the world was screaming at her and all (Y/n) could do was cringe and listen.

You're not safe anymore! You're a target! Protect yourself, get back inside!

(Y/n) took a deep breath and tried to find something to focus on. Her eyes fell on Eddie's shoes and she took to watching each step he took. Counting the steps; ten feet from home. Fifteen feet, twenty feet.

The further they walked, the higher the red alert went off in (Y/n)'s mind.

Her left arm stayed wrapped around her front and she couldn't help but twitch and dance her fingers up and down to get rid of some of the energy rattling through her. At least she had her cast on now while she wasn't doing much, then when they were back home and safe, she could take it off to try and chance Evie and sort out tea.

"Breathe; you're doing so good, and I'm right here."

She let her eyes tear away from Eddie's shoes when his hand moved to rest beneath her chin and he gently tilted her head up in his direction.

There was no annoyance or irritation in his eyes like a small part of (Y/n) was expecting. All she could see was adoration and understanding and when he pressed a sweet, gentle kiss to her lips, (Y/n) could of melted.

He slowly unravelled his arm that she was clinging to and moved it around her waist so she could tuck closer into his side like she was finding shelter under his wing. He kissed her again, then again, then her cheek while his fingers danced across her jaw.

They carried on walking as slow as possible when Eddie was sure (Y/n) was breathing properly and she wasn't about to collapse.

Eddie felt like smiling when they carried on walking and he could feel (Y/n) relaxing more and more into his side. He knew she was still focusing on the ground and she wasn't looking around at their surroundings, but she was pushing forward and walking further away from home which is all Eddie could ask for right now.

"Okay?" He murmured softly against her hair when she came to a sudden stop near the corner.

He went to carry on walking round the corner towards the left but he stopped abruptly when (Y/n) didn't move. She stayed rooted to the spot and her eyes finally lifted from the floor to look up at Eddie with those piercing eyes that could make him burn the world down for her.

"That way." She shakily leaned into Eddie to nudge him towards the right and then it clicked.

The doctor's office was that way. That was the route (Y/n) had taken when she got attacked. She wasn't walking a foot in that direction. Not yet. Not today.

He nodded wordlessly and attached his lips to her temple while they turned to head in the other direction. Eddie would never want to walk (Y/n) down there this soon after the incident. He knew better than anyone that going down there would only send her into a spiral and give her flashbacks.

(Y/n) looped her right arm around Eddie's torso and leaned her head on his arm. She tried to focus on what he was saying, but she couldn't help but turn her head and look behind them.

She closed her eyes and pressed her lips and nose against Eddie's shoulder.

Deep breaths. No one's following you. Eddie will keep you safe.

But was that man following them? He was walking ten feet behind them and he was keeping up the pace with them. He didn't turn the corner, he continued walking their way.

Was Jamie going to be around the next corner? Was anyone else going to crawl out the woodwork and try to follow them or attack them?

The more she thought about it, the worse her anxiety became until all (Y/n) could think about was going home.

If Jamie attacks Eddie that will be your fault. You have to protect him from Jamie. If he hurts any of your family it will be on your head.

Eddie tilted his head down and looked down at (Y/n) when he realised she was slowing down again. It took him a few seconds to realise she was in fact, shaking against him.

He moved his hand to rest between her hips and when (Y/n) stopped walking, he stopped with her. He turned so their chests were touching and his free hand cupped the side of her face and tilted her head back so they were looking at one another.

Tears were welling up in her eyes again and she was barely breathing.

"Mi amor, look at me. Everything's okay," He realised his words weren't getting through to her. (Y/n)'s lips were moving, she was muttering something but her voice was so quiet Eddie couldn't hear her. All he knew was that she was panicking to the point she was going to pass out and he couldn't have that.

Her pupils were blown wide but Eddie could of sworn she was having some kind of seizure or episode.

"Let's get you home."

They had tried and they had gotten this far. That was an achievement and Eddie couldn't push (Y/n) any further than this. They had to go home. He had to make her feel safe.

He was relieved (Y/n) kept moving when he turned her around, bound his arms around her waist and steered her back down the street. His arms looped tight around her waist and he pressed his lips to the side of her head, murmuring "You're doing so good," against the shell of her ear.

The closer to home they got, the more Eddie could feel (Y/n) wanted to run. She was desperate to break out into a run and bolt inside, but she didn't have the courage or the energy. She could barely put one foot in front of the other until it was Eddie steering and pushing her forward towards the house.

Eddie bound his arm tighter around her waist when he opened the front door and he felt her legs giving way.

As soon as they were inside, (Y/n) slumped down on her knees. She felt her chest seizing up and her head flopped forward, but she didn't get chance to fold in on herself.

Eddie was right behind her. He reeled her back up into his chest and tilted her head back on his shoulder. His hands gave her a tight squeeze and he glided his fingers up and down the side of her chest while his lips pressed over her ear.

"Breathe, mi amor. In… out, with me, look? That's it. Everything's okay, nothing's happened. Everyone is safe."

They were moving in the right direction. She had gone outside and that was all Eddie had been asking for.

They would do this together. He wasn't going to leave her at any point; (Y/n) wasn't doing any of this on her own.

[tvgals]

— YOU’RE MY BABY, SAY IT TO ME . °｡⋆⸜

hobie brown x black! fem! spider woman! reader

cw: angsty, angst/no comfort, character death (reader), hobie doesn’t know how to cope, might be a series, brief description of blood/gore (not descriptive)

synopsis- after a brutal fight with a villian from hobie’s universe, hobie is left with a broken heart and the love of his life bleeding out in his arms.

ENJOY!

hobie didn’t know what to do. here you were, in his brittle and shaking arms in the cold, the villian long gone and defeated. his eyes welled with tears, people gathering around to get a better look at the chaos unfolding in front of them. “ey, get back. not your business.” hobie spat from under his mask, waving around his arm to move people back. he heaved you onto his back and swings away, trying to hards to make it to the hospital.

“y/n. are ya awake? stay with me love.” he mumbled, holding the hands that were too limp to support your body weight. “mmm..” you whimpered in pain. hobie could feel your blood seeping through your suit and onto his, and it terrified him. “wake up. need your eyes open.” hobie finally makes it to the hospital, wanting to sob and take all your pain away. he walks into the lobby and gives them the rundown, leaving you there. alone. cold and scared

but that was a year ago, a year since your passing and hobie hasn’t been the same. he always felt as if he could’ve done something to stop it, as if it was all his fault. he keeps everything you left in his room the same, he hasn’t moved anything around since your passing, even opting to fall asleep on the couch. although he hates consistency, he couldn’t hate the feeling of you next to him. the feeling of your presence. he swears he can feel you sometimes. his friends worry about him. they haven’t seen him for months now, not knowing about your tragic death. so once he decided to catch them up on the news, he just — broke.

“all my fault. shoulda got here over there in time. she woulda been here!” his stoic attitude long gone. he physically and mentally couldn’t do it anymore. a piece of him died with you. gwen, miles, and pavitr all huddle around him, giving him reassurance and encouragement. honestly, they didn’t know what to do. they’ve never seen hobie like this before — a fragile and vulnerable mess. “it’s not your fault. there wasn’t anything you could do.” miles says, rubbing hobie’s back. “yes there was. i could’ve stopped it, miles. you should’ve seen her. all bloody and bruised. i wish i could go back, help her and have her with me.” hobie cries, leaning back in his chair. gwen bites her lip before talking.

“technically, there is a way you could go back..” she mumbles, rubbing her forearm. hobie grudge and looks up at gwen, “i’ll take it.”

pt.2 scheduled for tmrw babes

taglist — ;: @theemrsjaeger @jiwooscoffee @sweeet-cloud @kelesisworld @dirtydynamight

[signedkoko]

GOSH, all your writings make me feel all bouncy and giddy I swear AaaAAAA

Feeling slightly inspired by your previous Lucifer and Lilith with a reader who ends up attacked, might I request a Vox X Reader, where while they're both out together, Reader notices someone apparently brave enough to attack Vox and just- autopilot takes the hit to protect him? Turns out afterwords it wasn't an Angelic weapon of any kind, so even though it's nasty and painful, they'll ultimately be okay...

But did Reader KNOW that? Nope. Could Vox have probably handled it himself with how powerful he is? Yep. Did either one of those thoughts even cross Reader's mind until after? NOPE.

Reader just saw harm approaching the one they love so much and just went into instant protect mode...

Vox X Reader [Romantic]

In which someone attempts an attack on Vox, but you decide to get in the way. Reader is genderneutral.

It was just another press conference, the same as all the others

VoxTek had a new announcement, and reporters flocked to be the ones with the most interesting story or the first, whichever got them more praise from their lousy boss

Both the CEO and spokesperson, Vox insisted on being the face everyone knew and saw, as well as the voice they all followed

You were a not-so-recent addition to his empire, and some cameras were sure to catch a frame or two of you as you waited on the side, smiling and waving to the crowd

You were only here because it made Vox happy and because you would rather be seen than not

VoxTek had some of the highest security, with mostly Vox himself watching over everything

You always wondered how he could keep track of so many tasks at once

But the screams of everyone sounded different, less like a thousand questions and more like terror, incomprehensible yells as someone broke through the crowd

They had a gun; it looked white and gold, you weren't sure if Vox hadn't noticed or didn't care

All you knew was that your body moved, and suddenly you were between the bullet and fov when it pierced right into your side

The space cleared of voices before one of the bodyguards tackled the man and wrestled the gun from his grip

While you stood there, clutching your abdomen, the lava-like pain burst through your abdomen

Before Vox could react, flashes began again, most of the crowd recognizing the occurrence or snapping photos of you stood there, still in shock from the shot

What did you expect from demons? They'd win a bonus if they caught the first image of you being shot

Before you can think much of it, Vox is running, carrying you, and applying pressure with his hand and yours over the bullet hole

Thank god the press release was in the Vees tower, he's laid you on a counter in the lobby, his jacket bunched up under your head and his claws tearing through your shirt to access the wound

There's no time for a hospital; besides, he knows everything, he can be the best doctor in the world in a second, and he's going to be if it means helping you

" Thank go- "

" Thank god what! I could take that shot! Shut up! "

You decide to listen because, well, you can barely speak through gritted teeth

He's calling Val to come down and bring any kind of anaesthetic.

He's able to fix you up more than enough, but just to be safe, he's called in his private doctor to come take a look at you

Once everything has calmed down and you're back upstairs with Vox, he's got a million different questions

Why? I mean, he could take a bullet with ease! hes moslty metal, everything can be replaced!

Even worse if you really thought it was an angel weapon, because that would have absolutely killed you!

" It's not like I had time to think, Vox. I just moved! "

He's frustrated that you'd ever be in harm's way, but it's hard for him to stay mad knowing you just wanted to protect him

Author's Note - I wasn't sure if I should go for an angst or romantic note on this one, but I felt a little humour coping was more like Vox so I went for romantic! Thank you for requesting 🖤