#what is gonna happen will change how i see bcs forever because TRIGGERS and everything

[jimmymcchill]

also with the break up, my fave thing is how their fatal flaws clashed? Jimmy is desperate for a quick fix, his identity is as stable as sand, and he'd filled up his self aware/taking responsibility quota for the day, while Kim is so unable to bear someone saving or protecting her that she kept Lalo to herself, her integrity is feeding into her god complex of not existing is all she deserves (quick sidebar for Rhea's galaxy brain using all the "she's in her Gene era" words to make me crazy). it made me wanna throw up! they can't leave her thinking being a cashier is all she deserves! but it really was so good

i think it's potentially a masterpiece IF they handle everything well from now on. and i say it as someone who was deeply triggered by the themes of grief, guilt and abandonment of the episode. of course i fully believe in them, because so far they've never let me down, but there's always some fear — it's never easy to write an ending, no matter how good you are. i am pretty sure they will take the whole narrative in places we can't even imagine, which is fine by me, since most scenarios i can picture are not of my liking... but yeah, 609 has a lot, a lot of potential. and, as something with potential, right now it has something missing. kim is missing. her fate. that, pardon the pun, can't be just determined by fate. i am tired of reading about how she was slippin' kimmy from the start so this was her destiny all along — something they say about jimmy as well that i honestly absolutely do not agree with. i read a lot about what jimmy and kim supposedly "deserve", i wrote about it myself, but that's not the point. we're not a jury, we're spectators, and the writers shouldn't be judges. the point is: we've learned to know kim and jimmy, their beauties and flaws, and if there's something they deserve, is to give a climax to their actions and stories and frailties. to understand what they have done, grieve in a way that is not self destructive and somehow find peace. i personally have no interest, especially after 609, in seeing an escalation of sorrow — there's been a lot of that already. which doesn't mean i necessarily want a classic happy ending, just one where there is growth and closure and realization that their love was more than its toxic traits — that, just like in the heartbreak of 609, there is potential there. potential for kim, for gene — pardon, jimmy. potential for something more than mere essentialism.

[jj-bxby]

brain cells ~ jj maybank request

requested by @maybebanks like, a long time ago (sorry!! i also changed up the ending a tiny bit bc i needed some fluff in my life) ~ can you write a request, Jj x y/n and they ‘hate’ each other so the pogues abandon them together on the boat. Jj starts smoking and it makes y/n anxious because she has a bad past/impression on drugs.He thinks she is just being annoying but she is shaking and wiping her tears so he doesn’t see.JJ starts to feel bad and he reluctantly stops. He tries to get her to admit she’s afraid but she is too proud and he sees her sensitivity so he apologizes, letting her rest her her head on his shoulder💕💕

word count ~ 2.1k

tw ~ weed, swearing, fluff

“Why didn’t you tell me JJ would be here, Sarah?” You demanded in a hush while you crossed your arms over your chest. “You know that I can’t stand him!” 

You just pulled the girl aside as you had seen the blonde tufts of hair that you knew so well. Sarah, one of your best friends, had invited you and Kiara, your other best friend, out on her dad’s boat for a “Girl’s Day.” Now, you found out that John B promised a fishing day to JJ on the same boat. And that means that you were going to be stuck in the middle of the sea on the same boat as Captain Asshole, JJ Maybank. It seemed like whoever was controlling the Strings of Fate had decided to set any friendship you and JJ tried to form into a complete hate fire. It wasn’t your fault that he was a complete dick, it was his. All of his hookups he couldn’t care less about, his lack of manners, and the fact that he can’t keep still for five seconds all pissed you off.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, you know why! You wouldn’t have stepped so much as a toe onto the dock if you knew JJ was going to be here,” Sarah whisper-shouted at you. “You need to get used to JJ being around because he isn’t going anywhere, and neither are you.” 

“But I-”

“-Hate his guts, I know, Y/N.” You frowned at Sarah, annoyed that she knew all of your argument. “Try and tolerate his guts for today, ‘kay?”

You grumbled an agreement, her dragging you to the front of the deck where the boys were talking at. “Hey Y/N!” John B grinned, giving you a giant hug to make you laugh. 

“Hey, brother,” you joked. John B had definitely become something of a brother to you, being there when boys got on your nerves (even when it was JJ), when you were drunk and couldn’t be trusted to get home on your own, when you were sad, or just when you needed a place to stay, he was always there. You waved to Kie, who was now ascending the stairs to the boat after grabbing the food for the day. She smiled blissfully, knowing you had found out about the lie and that you were going to talk her ear off about it that night. 

“Hey, Princess,” JJ nodded to you. “Decided to get out of your castle today?” You gritted your teeth, already annoyed by the condescending tone dripping from his words.

“Yeah, sure. I was promised a girls’ day, but clearly, that’s not happening since John B is here,” you said with your honey-sweet voice. JJ rolled his eyes and peeled himself from the railing. 

“So where’s Pope at then?” JJ asked JB, whose eyes flickered to Sarah’s.

“Oh, uh, he said he had to work today,” John B clarified. 

You thought to yourself for a second, a look of confusion spread across your face. “I thought he didn’t work on Sund-”

“Hey, y’all! Guess who brought us food!” Kie shouted when she ran onto the deck with everyone. We all smiled and greeted her quickly, giving hugs and thanking Kiara for the lunches. Once all of the fuss calmed down, JB and Sarah headed to the cockpit to start us on our course.

You started to pull Kiara towards you to save you from being alone with JJ, before hearing John B call out. “Kie, can you untie us from the dock?” 

“Sure!” She pulled her arm away from your grip, turning around to give you a smug smile as she walked towards the stern. 

“I am going to kill you,” you mouthed. Sighing, you turned back to see JJ staring at you with a pompous smirk on his face. 

“Guess you’re stuck with me, Princess,” he said.

You hated that nickname. JJ knew you hated that nickname. You, John B, and JJ all grew up together, you and JJ being on the same street. He called you Princess to mock how easily you could make friends and slip into popular crowds, which was quite ironic considering your current position with him. “Don’t be too pleased with yourself, JJ, we haven’t been abandoned. Just because I can’t avoid you by talking to Kie doesn’t mean I’m alone with you willingly,” you grumbled, plopping down on the seat nearest to you. You liked the feeling of the boat rocking as you were steered out from the marina and into the open sea. JJ scoffed when you pulled out your phone to take pictures.

“You’re not even going to try to talk with me, Y/N? You’d really rather take pictures for your fake-ass Instagram instead of having a conversation?”

You were already annoyed, knowing JJ was just nit-picking your every move. “Yes, JJ, I would rather take pictures than talk with you. Know why? It’s because you’re such an arrogant asshole that people only fucking tolerate you so that they don’t rock the boat.” 

JJ laughed bitterly as he turned his body away from you. “You’ve got that twisted, Princess. You are such a bitch!” JJ shouted at you. “Every time that you open your mouth, you just have to judge me or be fucking annoying with how you make everything about you!” As the boat pulled to a stop, you heard the anchor drop with a splash and a hum in the distance.

“Oh please,” you sneered. “You’re the one who judges me! Talking shit about my boyfriends, about what I post and how I like to look, you’re always high, and you always have to call me that irritating name.”

JJ’s derisive smile cracked across his face. “Oh, you don’t like it when I call you Princess, huh?”

“No, I fucking don’t, JJ!” “Hm,” he started, “from what I’ve heard, you seem to like it a lot when you’re f-” JJ was cut off by the sound of splashes, one, two, three.

Your heads whipped around to see your friends swimming toward the HMS Pogue, which Pope was manning. “BE NICE TO EACH OTHER,” Pope shouted as he helped the pogues onto the boat. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” You called, stomping to the edge of the boat to call out to them.

“If you guys aren’t going to get along by yourselves, we’re just gonna have to force you together. Play nice!” Kiara shouted back. The Pogue hummed while Pope turned it in the other direction and sped off with your friends waving. You and JJ flipped them the bird simultaneously. 

“I need new friends,” you muttered, pushing past JJ to sit down on the deck. 

JJ rolled his eyes, grabbing his backpack. “Looks like they left us a note,” he said with a frown, plucking the paper from his bag. “‘Left some sandwiches, waters, and blankets for you, we’ll be back when we think you guys have calmed down. Play nice. From JB, Sarah, and Kie’,” JJ sighed. “Oh wait, there one more part. ‘We’ll come tomorrow morning at the latest, from Pope’.” You groaned, setting your face in your hands.

“This is so dumb. Why do they think this will fix anything?” You asked, furious.

JJ shrugged at you. “It won’t work if you don’t try and talk, Princess.”

“Stop calling me that,” you seethed. “I’m not going to try and negotiate peace with someone who intentionally infuriates me.” JJ rolled his eyes at you and dug around in his bag. Eventually, he pulled out a hand-rolled joint in a small bag. 

“You need something to calm you down. Both of us do,” he grumbled. He picked the joint from the bag, lighting it with his Zippo.

You felt a flutter in your stomach. “JJ, please don’t do that.”

He rolled his eyes again before taking a drag, leaving you to watch the billow of smoke coming from his lips. “Chill out, God. I know you can’t stand me, you’ve told me that enough. Just stop bitching about everything for ten minutes, okay?” JJ snapped at you. You tapped your fingers together, trying to distract yourself from the sourly familiar smell. 

“Can you just not smoke right now, please? It freaks me out,” you explained nervously.

He let out a breathy laugh. “Everything freaks you out, Princess. Deal with it.” He took another puff and you stood up, walking to the opposite railing to look out at the sea. You felt tears welling in your eyes as you got up, and they were falling by the time you got to the rail. The smell triggered the memories of bad parties flashed in your head; the one where guys hit on you and touched you and you had to shove them off, the ones where you got into fights, and the time where you ended up high and crying and panicking for hours. You wiped the tears from your face, trying to stifle any sniffles.

You heard footsteps come up behind you, and JJ’s soft voice followed. “Y/N, are you crying?”

You sniffled again, wiping at your nose. “No. I’m just sad thinking at all of the brain cells you’re losing right now.”

He came up beside you and looked at your face. “Weed really freaks you out that much, huh?” He mumbled sympathetically, wiping away a stray tear. “I’m sorry, Princess,” JJ whispered. You hadn’t heard him use this soft tone with you in forever, and you had never heard him say your nickname so sweetly. “I’ll put it out, okay?”

You nodded at him quickly, and he stubbed the joint. You walked back to sit on the bench of the boat. “Thanks, JJ.”

He sat down next to you, seeming much more relaxed. “No problem,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry. For not listening and for being a dick.” 

“Apology accepted.” You gave a shy smile. “I’m sorry for freaking out on you and for being a bitch.” 

JJ grinned back at you. “Apology accepted. Although, my remaining brain cells are just curious about why you were so anxious.” 

You ran your hand through your hair, sighing. “I just haven’t had any good experiences with drugs. They’ve all been pretty awful whether I was the one doing them or it was someone else.” JJ nodded solemnly, and you turned to look at him. “Why have you been so annoying to me all of these years, JJ?”

He looked taken aback for a second, then answered. “I don’t know. I guess for a while I felt like you were taking away my best friend,” he began. “Once I realized we could all be friends together and started spending more time together, I think… I think I started to fall for you somehow. And I really didn’t know how to deal with those feelings, so I shoved them aside and went for the ‘be an asshole’ route.” You felt a tingle spread across your skin at his words, and you had to remind yourself to close your mouth.

“So, uh… Why?” You asked him

JJ laughed in response. “What do you mean ‘why’? Look at you! You’re gorgeous and smart, and if I’d just be nice to you then you would be incredibly sweet like you are with everyone else, and you are just generally pretty fantastic,” he rambled. “I just couldn’t deal with any feelings for a while, so I sabotaged them.” You shook your head in disbelief.

“Jesus Christ, JJ,” you shook your head at him in disbelief. “If you would’ve told me then we could’ve stopped annoying everyone a long time ago!” You giggled at him and bumped your shoulder against his. 

“Wait, do you mean…?” JJ trailed off, confused.

“That I also have feelings for you? Yes,” you nodded. “We could’ve been annoying our friends by making out all the time, instead of by fighting all the time.”

He chuckled back at you, “Well, it’s not too late to start.”

You smiled at JJ, as he tilted his head down towards yours, pressing his lips softly to yours. After a few minutes of sweet kisses, you pull back from JJ. “They’re gonna wish they hadn’t done this,” you grinned, resting your forehead against his. 

“Oh hell yeah, they will,” he mumbled, ducking down to kiss you on the cheek. You smiled, setting your head on JJ’s shoulder as he slung his arm around you. The two of you watched as your friends drove the Pogue in your direction, the sun setting above you. 

“Love ya, Princess,” JJ whispered to you cutely.

“Love ya too, Jay.”

Yeah, the pogues would soon be regretting leaving you two on that boat soon enough.

moots/tags ~ @drewswannabegirl @jiaraendgame @midnightmagicmusingsmain @pink-meringues @jjsbxtch @maybanksbaby @starksweasleymain @starkeysdunn @futuretaxcheat @aesthetic-lyss @obx-direction-sos @joshy-obx @x-lulu @http-cherries @poguestyle17 @ifilwtmfc @bbeauttyybbx @shelbsays @softstarkey @fansxdom

[hyperfixationtimego]

Alright we’re trying this angst thing again

Diamond Brothers Angst because I said so

Both Daiya and Mondo have huge self esteem issues bc of the crash

Both think stuff along the lines of what the fuck I could have prevented that

Neither Daiya nor Mondo can sleep very well because when they hear vehicles driving past and the occasional screeching tires they’re back at the scene of the accident

They hear a semi truck rumbling past? Suddenly neither of the brothers remember how to move or breathe properly

They both survived the crash but they were both injured severely bc fuck dude that was a truck that hit them

The Crazy Diamonds witnessed the whole thing and they were Worried™️

And we all know how the Owadas hate being vulnerable

Neither of the brothers could actively ride their motorcycles for a long time after the crash because they couldn’t handle it emotionally

They played off their mental recovery time as time in the hospital

Daiya made Mondo promise not to get back on his motorcycle, much less the road, until he was 100% sure that he was prepared to handle it because what if there’s another freak accident that neither of them have control over

Mondo made Daiya promise the exact same thing because He Cares™️

Mondo has reoccurring nightmares about the crash and often sees Daiya dead in those nightmares

The gang shows up in the nightmares too and they’ve all been hit and it’s all Mondo’s fault and he couldn’t be a good leader because he wasn’t strong enough and why couldn’t he just be more like his brother god fucking dammit

Sometimes he sees Taka or Chihiro in place of Daiya and the Diamonds and that Absolutely Terrifies Him™️

Daiya has reoccurring thoughts about hijacking a truck to hit the driver who hurt him and his little brother

He wants them to feel all the same pain and more that they put the Diamond Brothers through

Daiya has breakdowns over this because even if he is a gang leader, he would not go that far

cue the Am I A Bad Person Complex™️

Mondo does not let himself stim

He doesn’t think it’s manly and it definitely doesn’t fit the Tough Guy™️ act

This leads to worsened focus and next thing you know he and Daiya are having a yelling match at home because if Mondo’s grades drop any lower he’ll be expelled soon and Daiya just wants the best for his brother but nothing works out the way it was planned

One time Mondo received a popsicle stick and paper heart from Taka

He was extremely happy

When he got back to his dorm he was that happy that he was shaking and then oh shit

Mondo broke it

He snapped the popsicle sticks in half

the note that Taka wrote,, it got ripped in the process

Mondo full on sobbed over this for an hour at the least

Like

Actual

Real

Tears

He broke something that Taka— not just his bf, but his best friend— had worked so hard on to make just for him and he fucking broke it like a shit for brains idiot

Mondo is terrified of hurting his friends

Because what if he forgets to take his adhd meds one day and his emotional dysregulation is all fucked up and he has an outburst again and actually hurts his friends

Or what if he takes 2+ doses by accident and focuses too hard and is left staring at one (1) spot and everyone hates him and what if they think he’s a creep

Mondo hates going out of his dorm at night because what if someone else is out and they have a flashlight and now they’re pointing it at him and it’s bright and those are headlights and that’s

that’s his brother

on the ground

not moving

Mondo will start shaking and he’ll break down hyperventilating or freeze on the spot

Either way, he hates being vulnerable

Whaddaya think? :D was that enough angst?

also can you tell that i kin Daiya on the dl bc i too got hit by a moving vehicle to save my young mer sibling from being hit /lh but also srs lmfo

HEY TINK??? HEY TINK????????

GodDAMN make me cry over this shit oKAY-

also sorry this took ✨forever✨ I had to gather my Thoughts™️ and my brain did not want to work today 😌

also before we get into my things, tw for trauma (obviously), unhealthy coping mechanisms, underage smoking/drug relapse/smoking as a crutch, and suicidal ideation (passive, but still there)

First of all, y e a h oh my god?? There is literally so much internalized guilt for both of them,,,,,like they rlly do have episodes sometimes where they just. Play over the events of what lead up to the crash in their heads and fixate on what they could have done differently,,,,,even though in the moment they both did their best? Like “well, I shouldn’t have taken us down this street” or “if I had acted quicker, maybe it wouldn’t have happened” and.....yeah those thoughts really fuck with them, y’know?

and 100% that unexpected/overwhelming vehicle noises and/or presences are nearly debilitating. Honestly, I imagine that Mondo can’t go hang out with Leon and Taka or whoever else if said people are hanging out in Kaz’s workshop. Owada’s only ever been in there once and immediately had to leave when he heard Kazuichi starting an engine he was working on. Not to mention being surrounded by a shit ton of vehicles, even if they were idle, had kept him on-edge the entire thirty seconds he was able to handle it.

They both deal with a lot of phantom pain, as well. Like something triggers them and suddenly, even if they’re able to remain in the moment and keep conscious of their surroundings, they somehow feel every ache, every twinge of pain, every breaking bone, or bruised patch of skin that they felt on that day. It’s a lot more prominent in Daiya than it is with Mondo, but they do both experience it!

And neither one lets the other know when they’re feeling like shit or having an episode because 😌 Daiya. wants to be strong. for his little brother. and Mondo. sees his brother basically functioning like a typical person. and figures that there’s something wrong with him. because he can’t get over what happened.

Takemichi is absolute shit with Emotions and being vulnerable or getting people to open up to him, but he’s like..........internally these bitches are Not Okay what the fuck am I supposed to do about it???? So he kind of...tries to hint to both of them that he’s worried? Without making it obvious or embarrassing them, but he’s like.......fuck these assholes.......making me be the one to make them realize they need help goddamnit........

And michi exhibiting a change in behavior is pretty 👀 because. it’s michi I mean he’s not just gonna change the way he talks in front of u for nothing, u know? So both Daiya and Mondo are actually able to pick up on it, although their reactions differ pretty greatly.

Like Daiya’s first thought is “wow, he’s worried, that’s really sweet of him. Better convince him everything’s okay.”

Meanwhile Mondo’s is “wow, he’s worried. my stupid emotional turmoil is that obvious. he must think I’m some sorta fuckin idiot for not being able to get over it. or selfish. or both. yeah, probably both.”

Also I think Daiya’s pretty perceptive in general? Like he can Tell™️ that something’s going on with his brother, but........yeah emotional conversations....vulnerability......that’s rlly neither of their strong suits. + he also figures that if it were something mondo were really really really having trouble with, he would come talk to him!

And so Daiya has absolutely no concept of just how Not Good his brother is doing right now hbbvvvv

So he settles for being like “I’m just gonna stay strong and act like the memories and intrusive thoughts aren’t affecting me in any way because I want to be a good role model” (which. is not healthy obv)

oh g o d the nightmares

they are so horrible and vivid and concentrated at times that Mondo simply.....refuses to sleep. He’s exhausted, both mentally and physically, and yet he can’t bring himself to close his eyes because he knows what he’ll see if he does.

And of course it affects him to the point that his friends start to become worried. Like Taka notices a stark increase in tardiness or general absences, and, after an initial assumption that it was simply Mondo choosing not to care about his academics again, realized that there was probably a lot more going on than he realized. He really, really wanted to bring it up and let his boyfriend know that he’ll always be there for him no matter what, but he couldn’t quite figure out how to articulate it properly. The farthest he gets is with the question, “is everything okay?”

And as much as Mondo wants to respond to him by saying that no, in fact, everything is not okay, everything sucks and everything hurts and he’s tired and he hates himself and sometimes he wishes that the crash had killed him, but that’s selfish so he should shut up- he just.....can’t bring himself to open himself up like that. Yes, he and Ishi are dating, so logically he should be able to tell him all this, but.....it’s so much. It’s too much. Too much to think, too much to feel, let alone try to explain. So he shuts himself up with a quick, curt, “Yeah.”

And....Taka knows he’s lying. He’s not sure how he knows, but he does. And it hurts to see someone he loves so much in such a state of anguish, and basically be unable to do anything about it because....how is he supposed to respond? What is he supposed to say? Navigating everyday interaction is difficult enough without having to improv something that could affect his partner’s mental health indefinitely. So....he does his best. Which isn’t enough, really, but it’s something.

“You can tell me anything.”

Mondo wants to believe him.

—

Another side of that same coin is Mondo skipping class a lot more than is typical for him. It’s almost always with Leon, but he’s also begun slipping away on his own, occasionally, as well, now.

And....y’know, at first, Leon thought it was super rad that Owada and he were skipping more! Like it used to be that Kuwata would offer for them to miss the next class, and Mondo’s usual answer would be ‘not today,’ and then Leon would keep bugging him about it until Mondo either gave in or told him to fuck off.

But....there’s just something about how it went from Leon being constantly shut down, to being told yes around the first few times the idea was brought up, to how, suddenly, Kuwata wasn’t even the one asking, anymore. It’s....depressing? Uncomfortable?

There’s also the fact that hanging out while they’re cutting just....isn’t as fun as it used to be? Leon’ll crack jokes or come up with stupid dares, and Mondo’s responses will be noncommittal at best. And Leon’s had enough experience with sleep deprivation to know it in his friends when he sees it.

He’s never been put in this situation before - usually it’s kuwata having some sort of stupid episode and usually it’s owada who’ll tell him to chill the fuck out and think rationally about things, but....Mondo acts a lot different when he’s upset than Leon does. He smokes more. Cuts himself off from everyone. Doesn’t engage with anything.

It’s different with people like Toko, or Makoto, or Kaz, because Leon knows what they need. He knows whether or not they need vulnerability, or a physical presence, or tough love, or tactile grounding, or a willing ear or shoulder to cry on, but with Mondo......he just isn’t sure.

So Leon doesn’t comment.

——-

Chihiro’s probably the one to get him to open up about it ngl.

ANYWAY-

y e a h Daiya intrusive thoughts?????? fuck yeah???? absolutely??????

god yeah I rlly feel him on that ngl hbhdbdbdbbb

and MONDO DARLING 🥺

god okay it SUCKS because????? he doesn’t judge his friends for stimming????? Like he sees his friends fidgeting or repeating phrases or rocking back and forth and he’s like???? Hell yeah you go u funky kid ilysm

But when it comes to himself????? he’s like if I do anything aside from stay perfectly still, I’m weird and bad and a failure so I simply Will Not

he’s wrong but it doesn’t change the fact that he feels that way ❤️

hhhvhvvdd I’m also a slut for daiya doing his best as a makeshift parental figure,,,,,,,like fuck dude okay,,,,,,as an older sibling who also loves and cares about their younger sibs but often finds emotionally connecting with them to be difficult,,,,,,,,,mood??? And having all of that amplified by rlly being his younger bro's only support in his home life,,,,,,,like ok mr. owada go off

he feels a lot of pressure to get it right and make sure that Mondo's doing okay, so the grades really worry him. but, of course, grades are a touchy subject with mondo regardless, so as u said it devolves into arguments and yelling and a lot of defensiveness!!

and god okay,,,,,,,the heart rlly got me,,,,,,,like that hurt. it rlly hurt man okay damn

honestly??? I think that might be the thing that gets him to break. like that might be his final straw.

because when they meet up again, Ishi asks him about it and whether or not he liked it. And Mondo just.

fucking.

breaks.

down.

He’s shaking and he’s crying and there’s snot running down his nose and this is so ugly and so not manly but he can’t stop. he can’t stop. Because there is this sweet, gentle, kind, sweet, beautiful, darling, sweet man before him who did something so nice for him, something he didn’t deserve, and he destroyed it.

Like he destroys everything.

And so when Taka panics and asks him what’s wrong (yes Ishi gets worried that he did something bad and yes ishi also gets worried that his boyfriend didn’t like the present because hdbdvdvd kin 💛) owada just. spills everything. and he doesn’t even begin with the gift??? he starts with apologies upon apologies, many of them incoherent, and many of them with Mondo not even certain what he’s apologizing for, just that he knows he needs to

and ofc Taka is like o-o because wow ok

but after his initial shock, and after Mondo has thoroughly cried himself out and explained everything he could stand to explain at that point in time, Taka just......holds him. And strokes his face, brushing away the tears that have not yet dried, simply offering his body as a weight, as something for Mondo to ground himself with. And it works.

And Taka insists that Mondo has nothing to apologize for, only that he wishes Mondo would have told him what was going on sooner. Because he wants to help. And hearing that just gets Owada’s waterworks going all over again, but he’s still got Ishi there with him. He hasn’t scared him off.

And it’s more than enough.

—

and UGH yeah????? yes absolutely absolutely okay okay so,,,,,,,,mondo comorbid adhd/depression/anxiety

like sir 🤝

got me fucked up smh

honestly he’s probably not diagnosed with the depression or anxiety, either, until something like the incident with ishi prompts him to realize oh wow I’m not okay actually

so yes he 100% does???

he constantly has all of these what if situations swirling around in his brain about what might happen if he fucks up, or does something that he doesn’t qualify as fucking up in the moment, but leads to something awful or painful or harmful for someone else, and he’s just??????? g o d

[hollowisthyname]

Hello, Icarus! Please infodump to me about Danganronpa?

okay so! I had written out a whole thing but then tumblr deleted it! so that was fun! /s but now that I know what I'm going to write it's much easier, so that's good 😌

n e ways, I'm gonna do like a basic timeline w explanations and some other stuff that hopefully I'll remember once I start writing!! so let's go :D

a list of everything danganronpa in chronological order (not the order that you should play/watch the stuff in, I'll put that in the explanations)

Danganronpa 3: The End of Hope's Peak High School - Despair Arc (DR3) - second anime, watch along with the Future and Hope arcs after playing the first two games (and UDG if you want to). backstory for the cast of the second game.

Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (THH) - first main game, play first. also has an anime that's basically the same as the game, but since there's not enough time to put everything from the game into the anime I definitely recommend playing the game. high school students from a prestigious school trapped in said school are forced to play a killing game, hijinks ensue.

Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls (UDG) - third game, not main. play after playing the first two games. very different game mechanics from the main three, and widely considered not cannon by the fandom. I like it though, and it introduces a lot of really interesting characters along with giving a v underdeveloped character from the first game a lot more character development. it's not necessary to play it (though one of the characters plays a pretty big part in the third anime, so that would make more sense if you already knew her), but I think it's interesting and fun. there are also robot fights.

Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair (DR2 or SDR2) - second main game, play after playing the first game. same basic premise as the first game, except it's a different class (same school though) and this time they're on an island. even more hijinks and plot twists than the first game.

Super Danganronpa 2.5: Komaeda Nagito to Sekai no Hakaimono - (I could only find the Japanese title for this one, sorry 😔) kinda also part of the second anime? watch after playing the first two games (and UDG if you want) and watching DR3. character is woken up from a coma via overdramatic and overpowered other character.

Danganronpa 3: The End of Hope's Peak High School - Future and Hope Arcs (DR3) - second anime, watch along with the Despair arc after playing the first two games (and UDG if you want to). aftermath of the first two games.

Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony (DRV3) - third main game, fourth game in total. I don't actually know when it happens bc they're v secretive about everything, so I'm just putting it last. play last. same premise as the first two, the class is trapped in a school with a courtyard and a huge sort of dome around everything. peak hijinks, too many plot twists to count.

woo!! that's the timeline as I know it, hopefully I didn't miss anything. and I have managed to remember what else I was going to say, so let's move on to section two:

the mechanics of the games

danganronpa is, at its core, a glorified visual novel. every character has a certain amount of sprites for when they talk, as well as voice lines that aren't usually the exact text on the screen but fit the vibe of whatever they're saying. and as I've said before, there's quite a lot of talking. these games have more plot than should really be possible and most or all of it is done through dialogue. cutscenes and class trials are the only parts that are reliably fully voice acted, but there are a lot of those.

as for the parts that are less visual novel-y: you can walk around, and the settings are pretty much as 3d as the 2d-ish style of the game allows. you can also click on things, and sometimes clicking on stuff will get you monocoins, the currency of the game, which means you'll be able to buy presents for the characters!!

"now why do I need presents for the characters?" you ask. well, that's because you're given a certain amount of free time each game to hang out with characters you want to get to know better! the game's ending is fixed, so you won't change the course of the game by who you do or don't hang out with, but you can learn more about characters and become closer to them! giving them presents they like makes them like you more :D

and the most exciting part of danganronpa, what a lot of people play the games for, the true lure of the game.... the class trials!!

so these characters are in a killing game, right? basically, they're faced with a sort of lose-lose predicament: stay trapped in the school forever, or kill one of your classmates to "graduate". but it's not as simple as that, because in order to graduate, you can't be caught. and how do you determine whether or not a criminal has been found out? well, a trial of course!

enter the class trials. every student (barring dead or severely wounded ones) is required to participate in a kind of mock trial- except someone's really dead, and they need to find the murderer or they'll all die too.

(right, did I forget to mention that? only one person can graduate. getting out alive insures that none of your classmates get the luxury of doing the same.)

so, yeah. the class trials are a true fight for life on both sides, because who ever loses will be executed.

and they're really, really fun.

entirely voice acted! enough minigames that the list of them is probably longer than this entire post! the joy of solving the mystery! the... execution, right in front of everyone.

hey, it's a dark game. not like they're trying to hide that. and the executions aren't actually all that gory most of the time, but they're still very much there and onscreen. also as close to fully animated as the games ever get, which is pretty cool.

so how the class trials work is this:

there's a murder. dun dun duuuun. you investigate everywhere related to the murder to get "truth bullets", which are the reason you don't immediately fail at the trials. you don't have to remember all of them, they're all written down in your e-handbook. plus, the protagonists all seem to have really good memories.

time for the actual class trial!! Monokuma (asshole bear running the killing game) introduces everything, explains the rules. and everyone starts talking.

there are a lot of different parts to the class trial, but most of it is "nonstop debates". everyone talks one after the other, and you have to find inconsistencies and shoot the right "weak spot" with the right truth bullet. you refute the lie or mistake and everyone goes back to arguing normally.

there's also hangman's gambit (weird hangman to find a key word), multiple choice things (self-explanatory), and plenty of others.

near the end of the trial (or sometimes only a little over halfway in, it varies), the killer will.... kind of become obvious. there's a specific kind of change in behavior that's the mark of the murderer in these games, but I'm not sure how to describe it exactly. a lot of times there's an accent change, and in general they start acting much more erratic. since it's a trial, though, even after this presents itself you still have to prove your case beyond reasonable doubt.

and once it's become clear to the killer that they're backed into a corner, you have to do the "bullet time battle". it goes by different names in different games, but the basic mechanics are the same: you battle against a student (usually the killer, but not always) in a rhythm-based battle where you have to click to the rhythm to refute your opponent's statements. once you've dealt enough damage, you shoot the final piece of evidence, and that's the end of it.

the murderers react differently different times. sometimes they break down and confess. sometimes they keep denying it. sometimes, they're just calm. however they act, though, the end is the same. they are caught and punished accordingly.

but before that, there's one more thing to do. the closing argument.

your final task is to explain how the murder was committed, from idea to execution (look, a pun! see I can be funny too 😌). and you have to do it... as a manga.

you don't have to draw the whole thing yourself ofc- you just have to fill in the missing panels and then watch as the protagonist narrates it to the rest of the class.

and that's all for the class trial, not counting the long talks after every execution while still in the courtroom.

wow, this is getting...... really, really long. there's only one more thing I'm gonna add, and I promise it will be much shorter than the other two bc it is late and I am officially Incredibly Fucking Tired.

with no further ado, a very short part three:

my general impression of the game. its vibes or smth, I dunno this is just what i think about it

when I first heard of danganronpa, I thought it was a horror game. I can now assure you that it is not. thriller? maybe. debatable. but definitely not horror.

and despite its extremely dark premise, this game is not all doom and gloom. there's so much stuff about hope, and overcoming despair even when it seems impossible... it's not exactly a happy game, but there's a lot more of that in there than you'd probably expect.

all in all, I love this game. so much. it means a lot to me, and I think it's a really good game. thanks for letting me talk about it so much asdhfd :D

[sierracolorstheworldofwords]

Yandereplier x anxious reader

An: Idk if anyone is going to read this but if you do and somehow like it HIT that reblog button babey! And also hit me up with a request if u want. Anyway, this was a request from Wattpad, and I have more one shots on there! The name of said wattpad is in my bio! :3 ALSO TRIGGER WARNING: Reader has an anxiety attack! So if that triggers you or anything please skip this! And read some of my other fics bc yes I’m plugging!

It all started with that nightmare.

Yan and you sat underneath a cherry tree in full bloom, each pink petal a promise, each soft flower a gentle declaration of love.

The sky was a beautiful island blue, and the clouds looked like they were painted onto the sky, just for you. You could see patches of them through the dark, curved branches of the tree, and feel the warm sun, sweet like honey, shining on your face.

Everything was.. perfect. You wished you could stop time forever, make this moment into a crystal bubble, preserve it in a snow globe forever.

"I have to tell you something." Yan said suddenly, fingers unwrapping from yours.

You turned towards him, taking in his gentle eyes— a beautiful brown that in the right light, looked red.

"Yeah?" You whispered softly, a love struck smile on your face.

He looked away from you, up at the sky, cracking his knuckles, "You know how I said I'd love you forever?"

"Of course! You tell me everyday—"

He took a deep breath, "That's changed. I found someone else."

You sat up suddenly, looking down at him in confusion, heart pounding fiercely in your chest, "Wh-what? Yan.. Yan that's not funny—"

"It's not a joke, senpai— wait, I can't call you that, anymore, because you're not my senpai. I can't believe I even dated you! You were just trying to waste my time and keep me away from my real senpai!"

"Wh-what?! No!"

"You're so stupid and worthless, all you do is whine and I honestly can't believe I even loved you!"

A pair of legs appeared in front of Yan, a faceless figure standing in front of him. The opposite of you, everything you couldn't be... smart, witty, attractive, actually deserving of Yan's love. You watched Yan sit up, a smile on his face— a smile that used to belong to you and you alone.

"Senpai!"

He got up, hugged the mysterious person, and grabbed their hand, "Let's leave this freak! I missed you so much!" He cooed, leaning on their shoulder, completely love struck.

"Y-Yan! Wait!" You stood up, wanting to chase him, but you couldn't. You were stuck, as if your legs had been welded to the ground below you.

"See senpai? I'm so dedicated to you. I broke their heart to prove how much I love you— do you want me to break their bones too, senpai?"

The world stopped. Everything froze like an icy tundra. You fell to your knees, looking at them going further and further away, seeing Yan going further and further away.

Your heart felt like it'd been pulled out of your chest and beaten with a baseball bat full of nails. All you could do was watch Yan leave, seeing his red hair fade away. You sobbed as your everything—the only person you truly trusted left, laughing wickedly, not even caring about how you felt, not even caring.. not caring at all.

"Yan!" You screamed.

You stood up. Legs finally moving.

Maybe you could convince him! You loved him! You could convince him! You— you loved him!

"Come back!"

You began to run, legs finally working, you desperately reached for him, the world a blurry mess of tears, "YAN! COME BACK! PLEASE—"

But he didn't.

He disappeared. Didn't look back. kept going. Leaving you like an old doll he'd gotten bored of, finding a new toy instead.

You alone. Again.

With no one to turn to. Again.

Nobody to care for. Again.

Nobody caring about you. Again.

Alone. Again.

Blackness crawling into your chest again, loneliness nesting inside of your rib cage, cocooning itself inside you. Again. Again. Again.

Alone.

Again.

You woke up with a soft whimper, heart pounding in your chest as you felt warm tears falling down your cheeks. You closed your eyes, crying softly and hugging your pillow.

Maybe you should call Yan.

He'd be more than happy to comfort you! You sat up, grabbed your phone of the charger, and noticed the time— School was in hour. You sighed. He probably wouldn't even be awake now.

You lay down back down, wondering if you should text Yan.. everything that happened in your head kept ringing over and over again, especially what Yan said. You knew it was a nightmare, but it felt so real. Like it did actually happen.. like.. like it was going to happen. Could Yan ever.. ever find someone else? Someone who was better than you? He probably could, right? Then.. then he'd leave you all alone..

Your stomach curled into a tight, knot, and you felt the familiar fear run like a spiked metal wire in your veins, causing your heart to pound harder. What if it was all gonna happen? Not today or tomorrow, but.. someday? He could easily find someone else. He was so amazing and you.. you weren't.

Yan always said he loved you but.. but.. did he really? You were an anxious mess with too much emotional baggage, and sure, he had his problems, being possessive and clingy but.. but he didn't have the type of background you had. It just didn't make sense why he would choose you of all people. Your anxiety  just made the thought worse, dangling it above your head and maliciously smirking.

You closed your eyes, listening to the voice in your head telling you that Yan was going to leave you, and that you might as well get ready for it. Prepare for the inevitable. Did you really think he would actually wanna stay with you? Really? Really? Look at yourself, you're crying over a stupid bad dream, almost always insecure and almost as clingy as Yan. You were surprised he didn't find the constant need of reassurance from him annoying yet.

You wiped your tears and turned your phone  back on and opened  up your messages, reading a few from Yan—

Omg Senpai! I just saw the cutest person today! You'll never guess who!

....It was you! Love you! <3

A smile crossed your features and you wiped your eyes, of course he loved you. Of course he did. You scrolled up and read another one.

Senpai I can't wait for you to come over this weekend! :3 I'm so excited~! We're gonna watch so much anime and cuddle so much! :D I love cuddling with you, you're perfect cuddle size. uwu

Your cheeks flushed a little, and the voice in your head snickered. You really think he loves you? It asked, swirling in your head like a snake of smoke, all those cheesy messages don't mean shit. Maybe he does love you now, maybe— but don't you think he'll get tired of you?

You frowned, arguing with it. Wondering why Yan would say those things if he didn't mean them. Of course he meant them! You knew he did. He wasn't the type to lie about loving someone. That just wasn't Yan at all!

But how do you know? And maybe he does mean them.. or maybe he did mean them, but he doesn't mean them anymore because you were so annoying and he was just saying all those things to get you to shut up. The voice filled your head, burning up all the messages with questions of why, and how and really? What if it was all a lie? What if he used to like you and now he didn't— You slammed your eyes shut. Covering them with your hands as you gritted your teeth, asking yourself if you really were gonna cry over something so stupid?

How could Yan even love you when you were like this?

Your alarm rang and you gasped, sitting up, remembering you had to pack— today was Friday, you were supposed to go over to Yan's house for the weekend. Would you be annoying? Maybe you should cancel? Say.. say you couldn't come over? But.. he got everything prepared and— you sighed softly, rummaging through your drawer and stuffing clothes into your backpack.

Your phone buzzed, you looked at it before picking it up from your bed, turning it on and opening it. Reading  the message from Yan—

Good morning Senpai! It's Friday and I'm so excited!! Don't forget to pack! :3 Also love you and have a good day! I'll see you soon! Love you! Ok bye

A small smile bloomed on your lips, and you texted back, hearing that small seed of doubt as you did. You ignored it, sending a message that read— Morning Yan-Yan! Can't wait to see you and stay over, and don't worry, I packed up. Love you too and see you soon~

You placed it back on your bed and fixed up your hair before brushing up your teeth and getting dressed, making sure to grab your phone and headphones before you did. Then you went to school.

When you arrived, you met Yan in the cafeteria, he brought breakfast for you, which was an unexpected surprise, and all he asked in return was a kiss. (Which you found adorable, and of course you gave him one.)

The two of you ate outside, watching the sun rise as you talked. You wondered if you should tell him about your nightmare, but you didn't want to ruin his happy mood, or be annoying. Before you knew it, your first class started and Yan walked you to class, giving you a kiss and a hug before running to his class.

The rest of the day.. was.. a day.

Your anxiety kept piling up, and then just found more reasons for Yan to hate you—

looks, grades, the way you speak, how you talk too much, your smile, your eyes, the way you walked, the clothes you wore.. everything.

By the time the day was over, thoughts swirled in your head like a tornado, and when you went to meet him by your locker, it took everything in you to not cry and panic. Your stomach hurt and your heart pounded as your brain kept saying— he's gonna leave. Not be here. You'll be all alone. He won't miss you. He doesn't need you. Can't you be better?

You leaned against your locker, head swirling as your chest felt like it was being wrapped up in a giant fist. Your lungs constricted. Your heart pounded. Palms sweated. Throat dry. The world blurring, people becoming slashed of color, the school becoming nothing but a blur that felt.. that felt like distant waves at sea. Real, recognizable, but not entirely there, dreamlike in a sickening way.

"Senpai?"

Yan.

Your eyes snapped up, focusing on him, the world a buzz of noise. You were so stupid! You just had to go and panic, didn't you? Ruin everything like some sick disease—

"Are you okay?" He asked softly.

You couldn't breathe.

He should've been yelling at you! Scolding you! Punishing you! Giving you a reason to cry! A reason to be scared so why, why was he being so nice?

Air rushed in and out your throat as you tried to speak, words replaced with shallow harsh breaths. You placed a hand on your chest, heart pounding loudly in your ears.

Softly, Yan grabbed your hand, holding you close as everything crashed— crashed, crashed like a boat in the middle of a fearful storm, crashed like a frantic car speeding down the high way and off a cliff, crashed.

Yan pushed people out the way, practically slamming the school doors open before picking you up and cradling you like the gentle cargo you were. Fishing the keys out of his skirt pocket, he clicked the button, unlocked his red Cadillac, before opening the back seat door and placing you there, climbing in next to you and closing the door shut.

You looked at him, the eye of the storm, the patch of sky in the middle of the tornado and—

"Don't leave me Yan!" You sobbed, clinging on to him desperately, hands digging into the soft fabric of his white shirt and you cried.

"Leave you Senpai? Why would I leave?"

You couldn't even answer back, your breathing was too rapid, too much, your nerves felt like they were on fire, and the world wasn't real— or was it real and you weren't? Or was none of it real and you were just floating? And scared? And alone? And—

"Senpai." Yan whispered, his voice a soft breeze, "I'd never leave you, senpai. Never."

You only responded with a gasping sob, throat feeling like it'd been scratched over a thousand times.

Yan placed a hand under your quivering chin, lifting your face turning your face towards him.

"Breathe senpai, breathe— slowly." He murmured, scooting closer and using his other hand to stroke your cheek, "breathe.. breathe.."

You closed your eyes, taking a shaky breath, feeling your lungs expand like blooming pink flowers.

"That's right Senpai, just breathe for me, okay?"

You nodded, swallowing back tears and feeling him shift and wrap his arms around you loosely.

"Breathe out.."

You let out a deep breath.

"Breathe in."

You breathed in through your nostrils, feeling the air travel down your throat as you calmed down and wiped your tears away.

"Better?"

You nodded.

He wrapped his arms tight around you, kissing your forehead, "I'll never leave you Senpai."

You snuggled into his chest, saying nothing.

"I mean it. No matter what that mean voice in your head—who I really need to beat up by the way— says. I love you Senpai. You and only you."

You looked at him, eyes big and wide, vulnerable, begging him to reassure you like always. He practically read your thoughts.

"I mean it Senpai," he whispered, "I really do—

And I don't care how many times I have to tell you, because I want you to believe it, so if I have to say it a hundred or a thousand times then I'll say it. Because I love you."

You gave him a watery smile, warm tears pricking the corners of your eyes, "I love you too Yan-Yan."

He smiled, kissing your forehead, before tucking your head underneath his neck and softly rubbing your back.

“I love you so, so much Senpai," he whispered, "I'd do anything for you, and I mean anything."

Your heart pounded like always when he said those type of things— his words were so reassuring.. you snuggled into his chest, wrapping your arms around him.

"I love you so much— I'm.. im surprised you haven't left me yet, senpai..."

You gasped, pulling away momentarily, "Oh Yan! I'd never leave! I love you too much!"

The yandere smiled, grabbing your hands in his, "That's exactly how I feel Senpai.."

You smiled softly, wiping the last of your tears before hugging him again. The two of you cuddled for a while before you let out a yawn, exhausted from your anxiety filled day.

“Let's go home, senpai! Then we can take a nap!"

You nodded and agreed, crawling into the front seat, Yan followed and started up his car, clearly excited. His cheeks flushed and a smile crossed his face— causing your stomach to flutter like always. Yan didn't even know how beautiful he was, sometimes.. nor did he know how cute he could be. His hand rested on the gear shift between you, while the other one held the wheel as he backed out of the school, once he was onto the road, you grabbed his hand.

"Yan?"

"Yes senpai?"

"Y-you know how you have nightmares?"

"Yeah."

"I had one this morning.." you said softly, sadly, "and it was about you leaving.. and I just thought I should tell you.."

Yan stopped at a red light and looked at you as you continued, "I-it was about you leaving me and finding someone else.."

"Senpai.. I'd never, ever do that. There's no one else as wonderful and amazing and— and ahhh senpai! There's so many things about you that I love.. and I know you're scared of me leaving, but I promise I won't, okay?"

You nodded, biting your lip.

"I really do mean it, senpai. I love you so much. I— before I met you.. I.. I didn't feel anything at all, and I'd always have to pretend to be happy.. b-but.. when you came into my life.. I felt.. I felt so.. happy—" tears welled up in his eyes, and he turned towards the stoplight, realizing it was green with a nervous laugh, "I'm such a baby— the lights green!"

He pushed the break with his foot and continued driving to his house. You couldn't help but feel your heart pound, not out of fear.. but out of pure love for your Yan-Yan. Your stomach looped itself into playful knots as his words played over and over again in your head.

"Yan.. I feel the same way. Ever since I met you.. I.. I.. know what it's like to be happy.." you whimpered, eyes welling up again, causing you to wipe your tears, "and that's why I get so anxious— and why you get anxious too.. because we're so afraid of losing each other but.. but.. I.. I know that I'd never leave you.. and I'm starting to believe you'll never leave me either.. and I'm sorry it's taking me so long to believe it.. I'm always used to people leaving."

You saw Yan smile softly, and then his smile widened, brown eyes shining with determination, "Well senpai! I'll just have to make sure you believe it! Because I really mean it, I won't ever leave you!"

You smiled again, cheeks flushing, "Thank you Yan.. I— I love you so much."

His face turned red as his smile grew, "I love you too Senpai."

Soon enough, the both of you pulled into his driveway and got out the car, going straight to his bedroom and changing into pajamas. After that, the both of you snuggled underneath the covers, exchanging love struck glances and soft kisses, until.. you both eventually fell asleep in each other's arms.

[ziracona]

hi can we pls have some uhhhh 🅱️uentin Smith headcanons, and some killers hcs if you want! I also lowkey hc Jake and Claudette to both be some degree of autistic, I imprint like a baby bird on my fav characters so I hc both Jake AND Quentin to be trans, and Quentin and Meg are ADHD infodump pals. Literally sitting around the cabin taking turns talking about something they love while the other is sitting there... no thoughts... head empty... they r supporting each other

Nice! And Claudette is canonically autistic according to her archives description as far as I can tell, and I’m so glad! You should check out @askthedreamwalker if you’re interested in Quentin art bc their Quentin is trans and they have really nice art! Also u right as hell about Quentin and Meg. He gets v excited and Meg and he can special-interest back and forth for hours One person is pitcher, pouring information into empty pitcher2, then the other takes a turn and pours back into first pitcher. Info dump support friends. Heaven.

And hells yeah, I love son boy! Idk if you mean ILM headcanons or general, so I’m just gonna go with gen. 

Quentin’s got a big sense of justice. Not okay with people getting away with terrible shit, which makes the realms extra unbearable (somewhere in the distance Yui and Tapp are like ‘cheers mate’). Holds people very accountable. Boy is very fair and got upstanding character. Expects people to operate with like bare minimum decency and ain’t about to let that shit go if someone wants to be a bastard. Last person ever to let a killer get a pass for going around murdering people in-realm and would hold them extremely accountable and be v willing to kill one in a fight and view them with disgust and righteous anger, but also be one of the first people willing to forgive a killer if they genuinely reformed, or got thrown to the survivor side by the Entity and actually chose to shape up and proved they meant it. He has a huge sense of justice and righteous anger, but also believes in forgiveness and second chances. (Within reason. If any of the particularly bastard killers like GF or Nightmare or Clown showed up with a completely ooc change of heart they will never have anyway, Quentin would be like “…listen. …There are some things only God can forgive…U gotta take this one to him…and away from me. Forever…”. Boy got those high-quality standards 👌

Used to be kinda high-strung, but then his life was a living hell for so long that he ran out of energy entirely and now he has no choice but to be mostly chill. If he gets a burst of energy, the old excitement power switch flips back on and he is both way more talkative and active, and happier. Unfortunately he is usually so worn out he’s about to drop.

Got a bit of a martyr complex. The fact that literally locking himself in hell with his worst nightmare worked does not help. Feels massive guilt over the fact that the Nightmare is in the realm bc of him, but is still kind of glad bc it means he’s not out there murdering his family. Hates that he feels that way because he thinks it’s kind of wrong. Views being stuck in the realm as sort of penance for having brought Krueger unintentionally. Afraid to tell other people it’s his fault because he’s scared they would never talk to him again, and the idea of losing his friends and complete isolation here is unbearable. Feels guilt over that choice, because he feels like he’s in a way lying to them, and that if they would hate him if they knew the truth, they have a right to. Boy loves his friends hard, but does not trust them to forgive him, or to trust in him, so he’s not always completely honest about not just that but anything he’s struggling with. Very sad dumbass. Suffers alone because he’s afraid to ask for help, and/or does not think he deserves it.

Really loves the other survivors and would do anything he could to protect them. Dies in the majority of his trials because he battles endlessly trying to keep the others from being the ones who die. In a way, he’s trying to make things up to them, but he would absolutely do the same just because he loves them, and did for a long time before he ever figured out Krueger and him being taken was his fault (not that I personally think that’s a fair way for the boy to view it). Optimistic externally, struggling internally. Absolutely refuses, ever, to give up, but is always right on the threshold of having a breakdown. Pushes the others to find a way to escape and tries to give them hope. Takes a lot of shit. Will not fight back much if teased just be like -__- and moves on. Doesn’t let people boss him around though, and will always do what he thinks personally is the right thing. Extremely forgiving. (Except to himself.)  Snark boy if opportunity presents itself. Can I offer you a shot of adrenaline in this trying time boy? the rest of the time.

Gives people the benefit of the doubt. Not a hoe. Would commit to a s/o very dedicatedly. Also not the kind of asshole who would cut down on time w friends when in a relationship. Boy’s love is not a zero sum game. Would die or kill for Laurie. Loves Claudette and learning botany tips from her. Thinks she is pretty and admires her kindness and skill and refusal to let the world change who she is, and wishes he was more like her. Has not told her that. Is a lot more like her in that regard than he thinks he is. Pretty damn good in a fight bc he always gets back up. Determinator. Still in love with Nancy and loyal af. Misses her a lot. Does not open up about himself as much as people think he does. Misses his dad and Nancy and his dead friends a lot, especially Jesse. Doesn’t actually talk about his problems much. Just suffers in silence because he doesn’t think he can ask for help.

Takes his faith seriously. Prays a lot, and struggles with feeling completely abandoned by God, but won’t give up on that either. Tries hard to believe he cares and things will change. Dedicated to trying to make sure that regardless of what his friends believe in, they are okay. Very sad and alone but tries to not think about that. Tries to help friends stay hopeful. Is both baby and badass sass boy in one package. Fight hard, love hard, someday will get to sleep for a whole year. 

If you are nice to him once, will assume that means you are friends now. Genuinely cares deeply for every single survivor at the campfire. Wants to protect people. Constantly suffering bc that’s impossible here. Really just wants everyone to be okay someday, including himself, and simultaneously kind of feels like he no longer deserves to be okay in the end at all. Tries not to think about that. Massive guilt issues. Bottles it up. Loyal as hell. Would die for his friends so much it actively worries them and they’re like “Quentin…please. Quentin-stop—stop. You’ll die again. I swear to god Quentin! I can die this time! Quentin!!! Come back here right now!” But he never comes back. Big sibling energy. Regularly people be like “Damn u could make a pretty fine lil brother out of this” and then they do. He loves so hard. Please be nice to him. He’s always trying so hard and never thinks it’s enough. He works so hard.

Triggers include being grabbed by his hair and jerked around, losing his necklace, the cave, and the Nightmare within 15 feet of someone he loves, so homeboy has just, a lot of bad days. Is playing a fun game called ‘I will absorb trauma forever and not get help for it and then one day it will kill me’. Needs to learn to depend on his friends.

Good sense of humor, enjoys reading and music. Will talk way too much about things he likes and not notice he’s done it and then feel bad. Dumbass sweetheart, will think he’s doing a great job flirting and be proud of himself when he did not, in fact, do a suave job, but it’s cute. Tries hard. All the time. At everything. God he tries.

I would do killer hcs too but this already so long and I cut like half of what I initially wrote rip. I have too many thoughts. Head full. : ( Here’s just a few little ones:

Myers does not like working for the Entity. It tried to pull a fast one and be like, “Yes tis I, another voice in your head,” and Michael was like “Bitch it’s my head. I don’t know you!” and that did not work. While Michael very much would love to kill Laurie and get inner peace, working for the entity provides 0% daily Michael needs, and he hates it. Sometimes he just does what the fuck he wants and gets in trouble (homeslice is the only killer who can kill survivors with no mori and no perk for it. Michael cannot be controlled). Does not like being here at all. He doesn’t cause the Entity a lot of trouble like Krueger does, so it doesn’t consider him a problem killer, but they do not have a ‘Ah yes my favorite killer’ kind of thing going. Michael hates the spider-monster. He is so tired of everything at this point. Boy is suffering. Would fight the Entity if he knew how. Has been hurt by it before, and does not like that, because it takes longer to heal than he is used to.

Myers has a few times had his home area be close enough to the campfire that he could see it in the distance, and he watches them when that happens. For hours. He is lonely, but does not realize that, and probably never will. He does stand there and watch them, being sad and not realizing he’s sad at all. It’s the closest he ever gets to human interaction aside from killing people in trials.

The Entity hurts Max sometimes, not because he has done anything wrong, but because injuring him without providing even a way to prevent it keeps him peak feral and afraid, just like it wants. No time to recover or learn or grow. Just anger and pain and fear.

The Entity promises Rin a lot of things. Not because it has to, but because it enjoys the taste of her suffering. One of her addons is paper cranes, one of 1000 to make a wish, as the description says. I’ve always interpreted that to mean it likes to screw with her and offer her things like that she can do between trials, in the moments of lucidity she occasionally has when completely alone. ‘Make 1000, get your wish,’ but every time she hits 999, it blows the ones she’s made away, and she has to start over. Unclimbable hill. Just to watch her struggle. That kind of thing. Intentionally tends to send survivors her way it knows she would dislike killing the most, just to watch her have to do it against her will and bask in the horror of what she cannot make herself not do.

[nightmaresorpromises]

🍄✨💐

OKAY THIS GOT REALLY LONG BC I FEEL THE NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF SO LIKE IM SORRY LMFAO. Also pls no one yell at me I’m just saying how I feel and what I think, I recognize that everyone will have different views/opinions/experiences and that I can only speak based on my own. I am not a doctor

🍄: do you support self diagnosis?

This is kind of a difficult question, I know most people hate the self diagnosis stuff, but personally I think their are certain mental health issues that you can become aware of without a medical diagnosis.

That being said, many mental health issues and disorders are incredibly complex and I think those DO need a medical diagnosis, especially since from what I understand a lot of disorders can mimic and or cause symptoms of other ones.

So for me personally, my eating disorder, anxiety, and depression (which I honestly don’t call that I just say I’m depressed bc I’m not medically diagnosed?) are all self diagnosed, but I’ve seen myself develop my eating disorder and was willing to die for it, I frequently have anxiety attacks to the point I feel like I’m going to faint and I can’t breathe, I’m terrified to order my own food sometimes because of the social interaction, and I’m borderline suicidal and struggle with self harm as a result. So like? I feel, I don’t want to say justified because that sounds kind of wrong, but I feel okay in going “I have these issues, and this is what I struggle with”

but I don’t think I’d ever self diagnose with something complex like bi polar disorder, borderline personality disorder etc, because those are much harder in my eyes to determine, or understand without a medical diagnosis. (Obviously that’s just my opinion and example as someone who A.) doesn’t have the option to get medically diagnosed regarding my mental health issues and B.) who has never struggled with any of those disorders or known anyone who does.)

So like? I’m definitely not pro “identify with whatever mental health issue you have a symptom of!” But I also think to an extent individuals who struggle with their mental health can have enough sense to go okay, this is my life, this isn’t healthy or normal, I’m struggle with these things so maybe I’m dealing with anxiety, or whatever else.

But I understand the frustration around self diagnosis because you obviously have ignorant people going “omg lol I can’t focus on this thing I totally have adhd or add” or “lol I got so angry out of nowhere! Clearly I’m bi-polar” and like... I won’t even get into that. *facepalms*

💐: do you believe in recovery?

This is hard for me. I guess yes and no.

Yes because sure there are things you can overcome, and recover from like addiction, and eating disorders, and there are things you can treat like depression and other mental illnesses,

But no because (pessimistic bitch over here sorry) at the end of the day you’ll still struggle with those things. So you can get better at coping, you can get treatment, but even for me personally now that I’m no longer restricting my food unhealthy, and I’m not terrified of food, I still get ED thoughts, I still get triggered. Like the mental health issue is always going to be in the background of your mind and you’re still going to have to deal with it, even if the strain isn’t as harsh because you’ve gotten better and developed a healthier way to handle it.

So I guess that depends on your definition of recovery. Of course I believe in getting better, and not having your issues hit you as harshly even if they still lurk in your mind.

But, part of me despises the fact that a lot of those issues are still gonna lurk. (I guess I don’t believe in being “totally cured!” Or whatever ? Idk)

But that’s just my take on it, everyone’s different and everyone’s issues are different. And obviously getting better through treatment and developing better coping mechanisms and whatever else can greatly help you and ease your struggles. So it gets easier, and I guess that’s what recovery is supposed to be about. Getting better even if you aren’t “cured”

✨: do you have any advice to others (especially young people) about how to recover?

Oh god. Okay so like, as someone who hit rock bottom at like 15 emotionally I think one of the biggest things is you have to want to recover.

And to a lot of people that sounds obvious but it got to a point where I, and a lot of my friends who struggled with their mental health stopped wanting to get better.

If you’re going to recover, you need to want it. Not necessarily be ready, because you might never feel “ready” it’s a huge jump, but you have to WANT it. Or else no help or advice will ever reach you, and you won’t give an honest try to do whatever it is you need personally to recover.

2.) you have to be willing to change in whatever ways are possible and necessary, because obviously there are things such as living situations that you might not be able to change giving your situation. But the things you can change like how you respond to situations, who and what you surround yourself with (social media, toxic friends, toxic online communities etc) you have to be willing to cut those out.

And obviously, that’s easier said then done, especially when you may already feel alone and like cutting them off will only add to that lonliness, but guys, you have to do it. And I know it’ll be hard at first but getting rid of those toxic relationships will lift a weight off of your shoulders and I promise you will make new friends. Shit like that happens when you least expect it and it’s annoying and weird and dumb. But cut out that toxic shit in your life.

Overall change though, if you don’t like the way you treat people take a step back and go “okay why do I react this way? Why do I treat people this way?” And don’t beat yourself up about it, don’t attack yourself seek to understand it, and that will enable you to then go, “okay how I respond isn’t fair, how can I change that?” And that goes for how you treat yourself too. If you can change those negative thoughts, behaviors and treatment to both yourself and others it will help your mental state a lot.

3.) patience and understanding I guess? I’m sure there’s a lot of feeling like you might be a horrible person out there, a lot of anger and pent up frustration with yourself and the world because of all the shit you’ve had to deal with and like, those feelings are justified, but you should also be patient with yourself and understand that people do stupid, cruel, fucked up shit. We make mistakes, we treat people kinda poorly, but don’t destroy yourself over it.

Understand or seek to understand why x y z is happening and use that to do what you can to change the situation, even if it’s scary or hard. You can regret actions, but regretting them forever won’t help you grow or get better it’ll only make you sink ya know? So like, accept how you’re feeling, but don’t succumb to it, and work to change the negative behaviors or energies that surround you.

Oh my god okay 4, and like SUPER FUCKING IMPORTANT. DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANYONE. Stop IT. NO ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Where you are is based on your own path, and you’re on your clock not anyone else’s. Everyone has so many different experiences it’s impossible and not fair to sit and judge yourself based on someone else’s capabilities.

Because we all have different experiences while you may be struggling to learn how to respond or handle social situations, which might be something others know how to do, those same people might be struggle to process grief and loss, which maybe you experienced already and learned how to handle.

(Idk if that makes sense,) but basically like, you’re where you need to be in life and you’re learning what you need to learn when you need to learn it. We aren’t all on the same track. Some of us are learning things our friends learned at sixteen, some of us are working towards things 35 year olds haven’t gotten to yet. Everyone is different and because of that we are going to have different experiences. Different bodies, different personalities, different struggles

And that’s OKAY that’s how we’re supposed to be

(Thanks for coming to my I just woke up and chugged coffee ted talk. Obviously take everything I say with some salt, those are just my opinions and views and I understand that they won’t be helpful or apply to everyone and their situation. I’m just trying to explain how I see or feel about things given my life. Obv I’m not a doctor or anything I’m just a college student no one come for me thank you I’m sorry have a nice day)

[beliefbeautyizwithin]

Are you okay with the fact of people excusing Beths shooting of Rio ? What is going on here ? What am I missing? I was watching this show with my friend and we WERE ALL rooting for her until we saw that crap. Then my mind changed to I hope she gets caught , I hope she gets locked up. Then all these blogs with Beth Avitars OFCOURSE, claiming the idea that she HAD to do it ? While saying how can people blame Beth with out blaming Rio? She pulled the damn trigger. Ugh I hate that !

So firstly, I'm not the person who answers anon questions. I feel their are more "qualified " bloggers on here for that. Plus sis got thannngs to do, okurrrr ....With that said I so appreciate u trusting me with this question anon.

To simply put this : people live in their own heads when it comes to this show. You will find those who infactically see themselves in Beth, or in some of the other women on this show. They feel like they can relate to them on some levels. Then there are those who love Rio for his sexual presence , the way he plays Rio as MORE than just a "gang friend and ofcourse his chemistry with Beth( myself included)... I 👏🏽get it !

But what I dont like is the politics used on this platform. The categorization clause : The idea that you must be either for Beth, Rio, or Beth and the girls when it comes down to what happened in the S2 finale. It's like I must check what party line I'm on or who am I FOR or against. When for me its as simple as who's right and who's wrong in the situation. There can be grey lines but in this particular situation, Beth was DEAD AZZ WRONG.

Let me explain: I watched this show like EVERYONE else , got my friends in on the show too. LOVED the dynamic of the women, their interaction with each other and I genuinely liked Beth's character. You could tell she was the leader of the group. To me shes that type of friend that always has a solution to your problems........ I was rooting for Her ( check the history of my posts). I Was happy seeing the girls work with Rio getting their own. PLUS Beth's relationship with Rio.

Now to Rio and Beth's relationship :

I never looked at their relationship as toxic per se given the context of the show and what these women were involved in. The women are wannabe criminals who willingly get involved with a gang member. Beth most of all( bc as I said shes the leader of her pack). RIO although he is assumed to be this dangerous criminal hes really soft on Beth. Speak to any GUY about this show and I promise you the first thing their gonna say is Rio should have killed Beth and the girls ( given their involvement in his business). They were liabilities..But some where through these episodes Rio fell in love : Yup I said it !!!!🥴

I believe when a man truly loves a woman he shows them through action. The things Rio did for Beth ( bc he mainly delt with Beth) you dont do that for someone you dont love. Im talking about despite these women helping him wash his cash. Theres a point in Season 1 where he TELLS Beth shes nothing but a charity case to him. Meaning he never needed them, he never needed HER.

Things Rio did out of his gang character :

1. BETH refusing to take care of her rotten egg; total liability to Rios business.

2. Beth snitching on Rio to the FEDS. Instead of Rio just shooting Dean , he had EVERY right to shoot / kill Beth too. But he never wants to hurt Beth so he settles with shooting her husband:" Now were good".

3. Finding out Boomer who was talking to the feds about Rio and his gang had something to do with Beth and the girls. He should of kill Beth and the girls. But instead he gave THEM the opportunity to take care of it.

4. Beth and the girls failing to take care of Boomer , which snowballed into an even bigger problem.

5. Rios money becoming compromise bc of Beth and the girls failing to listen or do anything right.

6. Beth going into the drug house for a DAMN dubby and Rio seeing how much it meant to her then going back to collect it.

7. GAVE Beth the keys to the kingdom. Now let me explain this..... people think he took it back. But after the bathroom break I believe in Rios head the sex solidified Beth( A woman he could see does not believe in one night stands and has only been with her husband sexually) was finally his ; "were partners now". Hence why he went ballistic in Boland Motors after he saw Beth going to Dean....Not to mention Beth realized the money and EVERYTHING was always in her possession. That was his woman yall. But ofcourse as women we always get hung up with the man actually SAYING it. Defining the relationship was unnecessary, given his actions.

8. The pill business. He gave Beth 50% (something he does with NOBODY else ; remember him saying he usually pays 30%) . Rio could have said no and killed her ( sorry guys but in EVERY scenario it was in Rios BEST interest to kill Beth).

8. Beth has passionate love making with Rio then kicks him out. TO go back to DEAN ,,okurr . So what does Rio do : send her pieces of the body hes been HOLDING for HER the entire time. Bc ofcourse it cant be that easy to first of all get out of a life of crime period. BUT he wasn't going to let go of Beth that easily. Beth gets the body back to do something as silly as burying the body in HER BACKYARD..How dumb!!

Rio has done nothing deliberately to compromise Beth's freedom . BUT he has forced Beth to be accountable of her actions.

So with all this information : Beth tries to send Rio away forever ! Knowing his fear of getting locked up that he disclosed to her during the shut down episode. Knowing he has a kid to take care of; as you can see now RHEA doesnt make enough cash to support Marcus, at least not like Rio can. Then tries to KILL the man ! In closing I dont CARE what floppy azz explanation people want to give about Beth shooting Rio. Her azz was W.R.O.N.G. she was messed up for that. That move changed my mind completely towards her . At this point she DESERVES Dean ugly lying azz. I hope they DO get caught and go to jail so she sees how it feels. l respected Beth but I lost respect after he snazzy azz smile when she said "Rio is gone"

Therefore anyone rally for Beth just because shes a woman and you stan Christina Hendricks. Let's get back to the context of the show and ask yourself: WHAT the hell HAS ShE ever done FOR RIO ? That wasn't to save her own behind. I'm gonna keep it 100% anon I didnt know who the hell Manny was or Christina was until this show. So this is not from a STAN prespective. This is from a real azz honest perspective. Hopefully this makes u understand how I feel.

[azeher]

It’s the last Sunday of the decade and I will spend it sharing some predictions for Spiderman: Homeboy

We’re gonna learn MJ was abandoned by one of her parents: When I first watched the trailer for FFH where MJ assumes Peter was gonna tell her he’s Spiderman, my first thought was, “Aw, he probably was gonna confess but she has emotional issues that made her think that was unlikely and she went with the Spiderman revelation scenario instead”. And when I watched the movie that’s exactly what happened. But she was also hurting when she lied to Peter about only watching him closely due to her suspicions, which we see in her pained expression, so I thought that maybe she didn’t want to get attached to him. And by the end, she admits she lied because she actually has trouble getting attached to people in general. But why would a teen feel that way unless they feared loving someone and then losing that someone? However, this has nothing to do with Peter having a dangerous double life that might get him killed since she wasn’t certain he was Spiderman when she lied to him. The only explanation is that she lost someone she loved. So either someone died or she was abandoned. But abandonment is the most likely reason why a kid would get scared of getting attached to people, bc they fear they will be abandoned again.

This revelation will be triggered by the current Peter situation: Even if MJ wasn’t abandoned, it’s canon she has a hard time getting close to people, right? So either way, imagine how hard it’s gonna be for her being in constant fear of losing Peter forever. However, if I’m right about my theory, this will make it 1000 times worse for her, especially bc there’s nothing she can do about it. Peter might die or go to prison, just right after she allowed herself to be open about her feelings and get attached to him. If I’m correct, this will be what pushes her to talk about her family background.

Peter will mention Uncle Ben, once: Okay, hear me out. I’m not one to think he has to talk about Uncle Ben necessarily but after FFH I finally understand why he never mentions him and why it DOES make sense for him not to do it, outside of, ‘We know about the Uncle Ben backstory’. A lot of people complained that FFH was too upbeat after the Endgame events and that Peter didn’t mourn Tony as much as he had to. After all, he was all about going on a school trip and having fun and confessing to MJ. What ppl seemed to ignore is that THIS is Peter mourning Tony. He was purposely avoiding the subject and trying to distance himself from anything that could make him think of him. These are not even assumptions. That’s why he left the suit, that’s why he panicked and ran away after the homeless auction event. But of course, the world wasn’t gonna let him not think about it, with Ironman imagery literally everywhere.

But Peter doesn’t ever mention Tony until the Jet scene, which yeah is my favorite scene. However, Peter doesn’t just open up bc this is the emotional climax of the movie, but bc everything that happened before pushed him to his limits to the point he had talk about it. And he didn’t just talk, he exploded, meaning he was bottling up all of his feelings and emotions.

And if we analize what pushes him to that point, it’s all just so harsh. We know Peter blames himself for Tony’s death, which Mysterio uses against him. When Peter sees a dead Tony crawl out of his grave he doesn’t say anything but his body tells us what we need to know. He’s terrified and in shock and the fact that he doesn’t say anything out loud speaks louder because we know everything Mysterio showed him, he actually thinks and fears. But there’s also the pressure the world is putting on him to step up and become the next Number 1 hero just cuz Ironman mentored him. No one is giving him space to disconnect from the events of Endgame for even one moment. Not the current damaged and depressed reality of the world that is starting to heal, not the kids at school who try to cope with humor but still keep doing homages to the Avengers and talking about the Blip, not the police or the press who keep asking Peter questions, not Nick Fury who keeps forcing him to save the world again and making him feel guilty for being scared and depressed.

Except, I’m wrong. Because there’s ONE person who does understand and has always understood. And that is May. May gives him space, she lets him be Spiderman, she lets him grief however he wants to do it. She doesn’t question that note next to the light switch that begs for the lights to stay always on. She doesn’t ask questions or try to force him to talk about how he really feels, even tho she knows he’s dealing with PTSD. When she tells him to take the suit, she does it bc she wants him to stay save (you think she isn’t terrified of him dying again?), but doesn’t mention Tony. She makes sure to support him, and after the events of FFH, she welcomes him with a smile and a hug and feelings of pride.

Now, there aren’t pictures of Ben Parker in their home, and there hasn’t ever been in any movie. People thought this was an odd inconsistency. But I’m pretty sure May put them all away so Peter didn’t have to see them. Because she can tell his death is something Peter has a hard time dealing with.

And it is. Even more than Tony’s. He feels responsible for Tony’s death. But he knows he’s responsible for Ben’s death. And he knows sooner or later he will have to tell May this. Yet we know Peter can’t help to think of him and feel a deep respect, bc he uses his suitcase. It’s old and uncomfortable to travel with but he still picked it. If anyone wants to argue that it’s bc he couldn’t afford a new suitcase, that still doesn’t change that he was aware that Ben owned that suitcase. Besides, May didn’t make it a big deal when it blew up, although there was a halt at the question (“Where’s your suitcase?”), so I think he definitely chose to take it as opposed to not having any other option.

Peter doesn’t mention Ben bc he can’t and that’s how he deals with death in general. But I think he will talk about Ben in the next movie, which is the last one (apparently). He has to come clean with May about what happened to Ben. But like with Tony, I think smt really bad is what’s gonna push him to that moment.

Flash is gonna have his well-deserved character arc and development: I don’t know what is going on with his parents/mother. But they made a big deal out of it and it’s obvious Flash is a neglected child. I saw a theory about how Flash was probably an Osborn, which I thought was cool but that theory was kinda debunked. However, I do think they’re setting up the Thompson parents to be quite relevant. If they just wanted to point out Flash is not receiving a lot of love and attention from his family they could have done it without putting so much focus on the absent parents. Flash is probably going to have to face them one way or another and since now he knows Peter is his beloved Spidey, it makes me believe at one point he’s gonna have to choose sides, and he’ll choose Peter’s.

Marvel will use Spiderman: Homeboy to introduce Matt Murdock: Everyone has this theory, not only me. Like, that was my first thought but it was also everyone’s first thought. I still think it’s gonna be true. And I want it to be true. I need to see this guy being Peter’s lawyer.

Ned and Peter will have a fallout: ONLY if this isn’t the last Spiderman movie, which might not be if you count the possibility of Sony making their own Spidey movies or if you’re hopeful smt will convince Sony and Disney to keep cooperating. Something small but important, something flat and green depicting dead historical figures. Yes, I’m talking about money. That might do the trick.

Anyway, this theory doesn’t come from the movies per se but from the insistence by Ned’s actor Jacob that he wants Ned to go Dark Side and become Hobgoblin. I’m all about fulfilling this guy’s dream so if he wants that to happen, I want that to happen. Will it destroy my heart, though? Yes, it will. BUT if that happens, I’m expecting a redemption arc. And if they go that route it will possibly lead to two scenarios depending on if Sony and Disney stay married or get another divorce.

A. Sony introduces Harry Osborn. Or B. Marvel introduces Johnny Storm.

[fmdminjae]

date: august of 2008 location: jinhae-gu, south korea scenario: minjae experiences his first, high school love. word count: 1,531 notes: this mildly discusses issues with sexuality!! so if that triggers you in any way, i advise you don’t read this! & hey PLEASE click here to read it on mobile bc i’m changing minjae’s theme atm and it’s gonna look so bad if you don’t!!

“kang jinwoo.”

“huh?”

“kang jinwoo,” a voice repeats,  interrupting your reading with an extended hand covering the book you’d been so into. looking up, you notice a boy, presumably a student, staring down at you. while you couldn’t be bothered to put on more than a sweater and jeans, this jinwoo...looks different. trendy. sporting a loud jacket, black jeans, and a graphic tee, he’s everything you aren’t - bold. the thought excites you, and yet you remain weary as your hands interlock, greeting each other.

“i’m...minjae,” a younger, naive you croaks, voice coming out much more inwardly than you’d  like. “lee minjae.” it’s like candy to your company, and with a grin he repeats the name as if it were something foreign.

“lee minjae? it’s cute.” cute? guys aren’t cute, you think, but a part of you believes it’s simply your brain forcing you to believe things that aren’t true. because when he says it, you feel like your heart’s been told to beat just a little faster.

“i-thanks.” you’re still not too good with words, all these years later. “have we met before, jinwoo? you look like a high schooler, and i’m sure i would notice you if we were classmates. jinhae-gu’s not too big, anyways.”

your companion grins, shaking his head. “we haven’t, but i saw you earlier today and thought you looked nice. it’s my first day here, i’m from seoul.” even though the city’s only hours away from your own, the thought makes you feel like you’ve met a boy from a different country. he certainly stands out, that’s for sure - that dialect he’d always envied, how he looked like he’d stepped fresh out a tv show, and how he makes your heart flutter.

no, not that. it can’t be.

or...could it?

“i’m not all too smart,” he admits, interrupting all those thoughts cluttered in your head. “so i was wondering...could you help me with some stuff? i’m in my third year of high school, are you too?”

you aren’t, but you do help. your brain’s been a year ahead for your whole life, anyways. with ease, you begin to help the older to understand. just an hour, he says, i’ll get out of your hair soon. but before the two of you notice, the librarian taps your shoulder and reminds you they’ll be closing in ten minutes.

three hours. swept away like three minutes.

and that’s just the first time. after that there’s a second, a third, a fourth. each a little less school-oriented, days of tutoring exchanged for evenings of laughing and crimson cheeks. without much discussion, you’ve moved your meeting spot to his house. perhaps it’s his devilish smile, proposing something more even you can’t pass up. or maybe it’s the gleam in his eyes, proving he’s no bigger threat than a burmese.

those months, spent together with him are the best of your teenage life. under the dim yellow lights of his room, surrounded by posters of bands you wish you were cool enough to know about. there wasn’t a care you possessed, living like that. until the day came, the one you haven’t yet erased from your mind a decade later.

“have you…ever kissed a guy?” he asks, eyes looking not at you but instead fixed upon the wall of the room. you freeze, finally forced to confront the thing that had been haunting you since he showed his face all those months back.

“of course not. why would i?” you ask. while you laugh, it’s out of fear, rather than true amusement. fear that he knows. because when he turns to face you, he’s nothing but doubt, seeing through all your walls you’ve put up. doubt. never has your vulnerability been so frightening.

“i’m serious, minjae, you haven’t...thought about it? ever? wanted to see what it’s like, just once?” it’s like he’s reading right through you, everything you’ve been dying to confess. heart palpitating, sweat forming on your forehead. you find no way to lie your way out of it, especially with the one you’ve been dying to kiss just once staring you down. shrugging, voice as meek as a stage frightened child, you mutter. “maybe.”, then the world explodes.

“then can we?” he asks, awaiting your response. but nothing comes out. faces centimeters apart, each’s eyes trained on the other’s lips. and to think you thought girls made you nervous. this was completely new terrain, and the pure unfamiliarity sent you into a wave of emotions. despite all the confusion, you know, just know that it’s what you want. so, after a probable hour of silence you nod your head in consent.

and that was the day you had your first kiss. who would’ve thought? those immature crushes on your classmates, those girls who’d quietly confessed their feelings for you, none of it had ever amounted to something as big as this. a kiss. something so magical, that had always been the antidote to all problems in the books you surrounded yourself with finally turned into something more. something real. when the two of you pull away, you expect regret. embarrassment. disgust. but they don’t come. the bubbly feeling in your chest doesn’t subside, and you surprise yourself and jinwoo when you lean in once more.

and oddly, it’s….fine, between you two. like nothing’s changed. it’s as if the kiss took away any tension you ever had. neither of you mentions it, or any of the other moments you share, to anyone but yourselves. but no one can deny that you haven’t grown closer. the months leading up to the end of the term are spent side by side in the halls, apart only to go to your respective classes. even when the bell rings and everyone heads home, you two are the last to go. lingering in the streets, hoping for just a few more minutes together. you have dance at 7. he has to be home by 8.  you come up with a compromise, one where he walks you all the way to dance and dashes home to make it in time. you swear it’s the cutest thing ever, watching him wave you goodbye as he jogs in the opposite direction. you pray moments like this last forever.

but they can’t. no matter how naive you are, you know all good things come to an end. the reality of graduation washes over you two, and before you know it he’s packing up for college.

“so this is….really happening? you’re going back to seoul?”

there’s a lingering silence. for once, you hate how quiet it is. because it makes you realize that there’s nothing left to be said, nothing left to be done. his decision is made.

“mm,” he answers shortly, not wanting to linger on the subject. “you’re all that’s here for me, minjae. i wasn’t meant for small towns, they’ve never been my style.”

you want to scream, aren’t i worth staying for? but you don’t. because you refuse to be selfish. if anything, you know what it’s like to be constrained, son to parents who want anything but for you to fulfill your biggest dream - to dance. you don’t want to clip jinwoo’s wings, too. so you nod, smile, and whisper the words you mean but hate to admit. “you should go, then. to seoul, i mean. i want you to be happy.”

so he does.

as soon as he’s out of your grasp, you cling to his social media for any updates, seeing what life’s like now that he’s back in the city. reuniting with friends, trying new things, doing everything you wish you could. instead, you stay behind, studying all night and waiting for the day you’ll feel as free as him. you two call, but as time passes so does the time between you two’s conversations. he’s a young adult, wandering as he pleases around the country. you’re still a student, working hard to stay afloat and graduate. two utterly different paths, not destined to cross again.

so you do what you promise to do, and let him go. soon, you’re off to college too, and you feel even more free than you thought he was. travelling to a new country, studying abroad and having the best time of your life. becoming an idol, something you would’ve never fathomed just a few years before, has become all too real to you now.

you let him go. but you don’t let yourself forget.

even after all this time, when asked about your first crushes and your ideal types his face crosses your mind. you smile, and answer with some celebrity’s name to appease your audience. but you wonder where he is. how he’s doing. if he’s watching you on tv with the same bittersweet feeling you’d once had towards him.  

has he forgotten your name? the days and nights of a better time, hands interlocked and eyes peering at one another? has he erased the feeling of your lips connecting from his mind, or how it made the world feel like it was on fire? you hope he hasn’t.

because you won’t. you never forget your first love.

[txicgf]

ok but low-key the idea of commit die via cop is kind of so sexy to me. like id never (maybe) but it's like............ a foolproof way without me having to pull the trigger myself . like it's fucked up like really fucked up and maybe this is the sleep deprivation talking but y'know i have had my list of ""methods"" since i was a wee little girl but i TOTALLY forgot about that way. and now it's like #2 on my list lmao

#1 is deth via mixing benzos+opiates+alkyhol but idk maybe im keeping my actual #1 spot for whatever i actually decide to do when i do it, but that was the plan since i was little up until earlier this year when everything happened with family member od so now it just reminds me of that and makes me sad and knowing that HE literally did actually die even if he survived was absolutely a very sobering thought and reality check about my sewerslidal ideation so very very very less inclined to do it now in that way .

the other method i think would be easy would be electrocution although i worry i don't know enough about how electrocution works to say anything about the pain levels but I've been thinking about it a lot recently ..... like

im NOT actively gonna do any of these things anytime soon but. y'know it's hard to unlearn habits you're used to such as: planning your own death . LMAO but it's not like im gonna do any of these soon, like obviously one day because that's the only way im going to let myself pass, like i absolutely am going to do it even if it's not now or any time before may 27, 2031 but i AM going to do it. i just also love to meticulously plan and give myself the time to see if maybe i wanna get better bc im mentally ill but there's a level of awareness i have about it and also honestly im so used to this that im not even sure if i actually want to or if the ideation is a coping mechanism because thinking about it feels like a way out and makes me feel better but at the same time like. yeah i have a brain, and that ideas a lil fucked up idk i lost my train of thought a little bit about this paragraph.

idk anyways what i was originally talking about. like ok im not particularly intimidating so id have to act fucking bonkers or have weapons, id never ever ever ever actually hurt someone physically to provoke an officer and also i have to work out the ethics of i don't like cops and the justice system at all but also the idea of unwittingly taking someone else's life in of itself is a terrifying and harrowing thought and even if i didn't physically harm someone, whoever pulls the trigger is changed forever completely which sucks. an upside is how shitty people are at punishing cops for fucking up if it could be seen as that in this very hypothetical situation (that is ACTUALLY hypothetical i would never do this or at least i would never do this before may 27, 2031) but also still i would deeply and directly traumatize another human being so if i was really gonna do that I'd have to make my peace with that. but also honestly i kinda just want someone to take my life for me lmao . im too lazy and too cowardly to do it myself (so far) or at least i don't wanna deal with actually doing it. i just don't want to exist anymore. i don't wanna be here . but like im gonna deal with it at least until may 27, 2031 unless i get really upset one day and do it on impulse which is a real possibility but not a possibility i see anytime soon because im in a good spot right now and don't feel the need to! i simply like thinking and ruminating on it and having my deadline. plus it's good escapism. and hey the deadline doesn't even mean death it could just mean abandoning everyone and everything, moving to Alaska and going by joanne for the rest of forever :)

[hazftcor]

Promise #2

Liam:

“Promise me you’ll always stay in control.” You said to your best friend who was also your crush. You were the second person to know he was bitten, after Stiles. Why wouldn’t you know? Scott was your older brother. He had anger issues and was struggling with control. You weren’t a supernatural of any kind, but almost all your friends were some type of supernatural so you got your experience from them. You met him at the boys first Lacrosse practice after Liam transferred. Liam was dominating Scott and Stiles. You laughed at the human-made failures made by them. By the end of the practice, you went up to him and thanked him for making a fool out your brother and his best friend. He introduces himself to you right before Scott and Stiles walk up to him suspiciously, questioning on his good abilities. You defended him which was a shock to your brother, and Liam gave you a hug for getting him away from those two ‘freaks’. That was how the two of you became best friends. 

“Y/n, no need to worry. I can control it over the supermoon.” He tells you before getting a text from his girlfriend Hayden. His smile became a frown. He waved at you sadly before leaving in a hurry. You didn’t really like Hayden, not only because she was dating your crush but that she’s clingy. Liam would always listen to her and ditch you for her. You were a little bit afraid that one day, Hayden’s going to tell Liam to stop being friends with me, and he’ll listen to her. But still, you hoped nothing bad is going to happen even though everything was falling down. You hoped everything would come out right. Man, were you wrong.

You knew your brother was at the library that night of the supermoon. Lydia texted him saying she to meet up at the library. He was a true alpha, he could defend himself. You weren’t worried. Until you got a call from your mom. You were at the store when you find out. You ran out of the store and got on your motorcycle, heading home. When you got there, you harshly open the door and enter Scott’s room.

“Scott Mccall! You better tell me who did this to you so I can beat their ass for hurting you.” Scott looks at your mom.

“Sorry, sweetie. I had to. She’s your sister.” Scott sighs heavily while Melissa gets up to leave the two of you.

“Are you okay, by the way?” You ask, changing your mood from angry to gentle. 

“I’m okay Y/N. The pack... they’re all gone. Liam tried to kill me. Theo almost killed me. I lost them, all of them.”

“Scott...” You sat down on the side of his bed and grabbed his hand. Then you realized what he just said.

“LIAM F*CKING DUNBAR DID THIS TO YOU? I don’t care who he is to me, I’m gonna beat his ass up for killing my brother for a girl. That son of a b*tch.” 

“LANGUAGE!” Your mom yells from downstairs. You angrily got up and headed for the exit.

“Y/n, it was Theo too. He manipulated Liam into killing me so Liam could get alpha status and then Theo would kill Liam so Theo can finally be an alpha. Liam didn’t kill me enough so Theo did the final touch.”

“F*ck that b*tch too. I’m pissed at my best friend. I’m going.” You said.

“Where are you going?”

“To f*ck up Liam Dunbar, and tell him that I hate him.” You told your brother. But you knew for a fact that you could never hate Liam, and so did your brother. Even though Scott called your name a couple of times, begging you to not go, you left anyway. You went straight to Liam’s house. His stepdad opened the door.

“Y/n! I’m so glad you’re here, Liam came home crying and he’s been in his room ever since.” He tells you. You gave him a fake smile before heading to Liam’s room. You knock on his door.

“Go away.” You can hear him say. Instead of following his orders, you barge in. His head snaps up.

“What the hell, Y/n?! I said go away.” He says, quickly wiping his tears away.

“Liam Dunbar, you son of b*tch. I can’t believe you would kill my brother for Hayden!”

“Y/n, i could explain! Hayden was dying! The doctors injected Mercury into her! The only way for her to survive is if Scott bit her!”

“So just because Scott declined your stupid ass request means that you could kill him??” 

“Wanting to save the person you love the most is not a stupid ass request! I was mad and it was the super moon! I didn’t want to lose Hayden! She is my first love! What would you do if the guy you liked was dying?”

“The guy I like doesn’t even like me back! Don’t change the subject Dunbar, you stupid little piece of shit, you broke your f*cking promise!”

“What promise?” You were done with him at that point.

“Do I even mean anything to you? I’m your so-called best friend and you basically forget everything I say to you because you’re so in love with Hayden. You ditch me for her all the time now. I swear that I’m nothing to you. What a great best friend you are!”

“Y/n, i didn’t-”

“I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I LIKE YOU SO MUCH. I MEAN NOTHING TO YOU, YET YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WILL KILL MY BROTHER BECAUSE OF HER. YOU’RE F*CKING MONSTER. F*CK YOU.” You started to cry.

“wait what?”

“Liam Dunbar. From this moment on, you are not my best friend anymore. I hate you, and I never want to see you again. Goodbye.” You ran out of the house, tears falling down your face. You headed home and slammed the door to your room. You cry onto your pillow. You hear a soft knock on the door. It opens to reveal Scott.

“Hey Y/N, you okay?” You get up and wipe your tears away before shaking your head. He comes and hugs you.

“Shh, everything will be okay.” You cried in his arms until you fell asleep. Scott was curious on what had happened but didn’t ask you as he didn’t want to make you more sad than you already were.

You didn’t go to school for a few weeks. You didn’t want to see him, or anyone in fact. Scott kept you updated on what was happening outside. He told you Theo resurrected Hayden and 3 other chimeras, the day before you were about to go back to school. You kept a emotionless expression when you heard the news but inside you were dying. On your first day back to school, you ignored everyone and went to class. Liam tried to talk to you but when he walked towards you, you would walk the other way. 

That day, the pack was discussing how to figure out the beast’s identity using the charity lacrosse game. After they made their decision to cancel the game, you guys walk out of the library. Liam tries to talk to you, but Scott quickly interrupts him. 

On the night of the lacrosse game, the pack discuses their job. You were to keep everyone safe if the beast attacked. When you guys split up, Stiles secretly told you that Liam broke up with Hayden. You gave him a shrug before heading to the bleachers. 

You watch the boys terribly lose to Devenford Prep again. Kira wasn’t her usual self, and Malia hasn’t finished the wiring. Something was gonna happen, something bad. You felt weird just sitting at the bleachers, not only because you felt like you were useless to the pack but also because Liam kept staring at you whenever he got the chance. You awkwardly smile at him. Suddenly he starts to play hard and scores a few times, catching up to the opposite team. Leading into overtime because of a tie, a sudden squeal from the speakers enters everyone’s ears, which was eventually replaced by a growl. You watch as Liam, with glowing eyes walk towards the growl. You quickly run towards him, hoping you’ll be able to stop him, but it was too late. 

“Liam. Liam, wait!” Stiles yells 

“LIAM!!!!” You scream, as you watch the beast jumping over the bus and attacking Liam. Everyone else started to scream too. You yell for eveyone to get into the school and find a safe hiding place. You run up to Liam.

“Stiles! Help me! Bring him into the school.” The two of support Liam as you guys run into the school and into an empty classroom. The halls were filled with screams from fleeing people. 

“I swear to god, Stiles if you faint, I will kill you myself.” You said once the two of you put Liam on a table and saw the deep scratches.

“I’m okay, I’m fine.” Liam mumbles out.

“No you are not, Liam! You could’ve died out there! What were you thinking?”

“Is it bad?” Liam asks. You shake my head while Stiles nods.

“Stiles!” You glare at him.

“Whatever, How do we fix him?” Stiles asks. 

“Pain! Maybe we could trigger the pain since pain makes them human.”

“I mean he’s already in pain?” Liam groans in pain.

“Okay I don’t know! Why can’t you think of anything?”

“Because there is blood all over him, there’s screaming in the hallways and a bunch of people are probably dead by now.” 

(a/n: this took me forever to think of a solution to heal liam. It sucks though)

“ugh such a negative nancy. I think we should bring him to my mom or Deaton. If only one of us was a werewolf.” Stiles nods. You hear roaring outside and you decide to go out the window. It was a struggle to get Liam out and to the animal clinic.

“Deaton? Are you here? We have an injured Liam!” Deaton appears and quickly we put Liam onto the table. Deaton does a bunch of observing and asks Stiles some questions. Your phone vibrated. You checked it out. Malia texted you.

Mals: It’s chaos here, I called Braeden to help, you better be safe:)

You: yikes okay, I’m out safe, Liam got injured bcs he think hes so strong that he can hurt a beast lol

Mals: lmao good, if he gets better, come back.

You: gotcha :)

You look up from your phone. Deaton is looking for something. Deaton finds it and puts it in a needle, stabbing it into Liam. Liam shoots up from the table, transformed, and roars very loud. You run up to him, ignoring the ringing in your ears and grab his hand.

“Liam?” You say, but you get no answer. You start to repeatedly say his name. 

“Liam wake up! No don’t go, I miss you, and I need you. Please don’t go. Wake up! You promised me that we’ll go to London together someday! You can’t break promises! Liam, please wake up, I need you with me. What am I supposed to do without you? Liam... please... I’m sorry, I don’t hate you anymore. I just want you to wake up Liam Dunbar. Please wake up for me!” You hold his hand so tightly that your hands turn white. A tear slips down your face. 

“I get it! Are you just doing this so I can realize how hard it is to lose the one you love the most? Just get up and lemme say I’m sorry! Please Liam, just wake up. I love you.” More tears slip down your face. You feel Liam’s hand grip onto yours.

“I love you too... not as a friend.” He whispers. You carefully lift him up 

“Do you think you can walk?” Stiles asks. Liam gets up and takes a few steps forward. He nods. “Great now lets go help everyone else! I swear to god Liam if you get injured again, I’m not helping you.” You roll your eyes, You say goodbye to Deaton and the three of you head back to the school. By the time you guys get there, there is the sound of gunshots which meant that Braeden made it. You guys quicken your speed and head to the library. 

“You didn't seriously think you were gonna have a chance against that thing, did you?” Braeden was asking Scott when you got there. 

“No, but I got its scent.” He says, struggling to get up. You run up to him.

“Scotty, are you okay? And don’t worry, I’m okay.” He looks you in the eyes and nods. He gets up with the help of you. Then he heads out. You and Liam exchange glances before following him. The two of you follow Scott to the parking lot. Liam kept telling him to slow down. Somehow you weren’t as worried about him than Liam. Scott makes it to a car, Mason’s to be specific and opens the trunk. Inside reveled two shoes, and one of them was bloody. You gasp as Scott closes the trunk. Mason saw us.

“It’s you...” Scott says.

“What? Liam, What does he mean?” He backs up a bit and Corey suddenly appears, He takes Mason and they both turn invisible. Scott yelled out no but it was too late. They were gone.

“I think we should get a good night rest, Scott. You need to heal, Liam needs to heal. Let’s go home.” Scott sadly nodded and the three of you went back to school to meet up with the rest of the gang.

That night, the pack stayed over at your house. While Kira and Scott were in the bedroom doing who knows what, Stiles, Malia and Braeden were discussing about the desert wolf. During all of that, you and Liam sat in your bedroom in silence. Until Liam spoke up.

“Um well about what we said earlier...”

“What about it?” You ask.

“Did you really mean it?” You blush. 

“I mean, kinda? I don’t know.” Liam walks over to your position on the bed and kneels down so your eyes are at the same level.

“Because I meant it.” He stares deeply into your eyes. You avoid his eyes but his hands make it up to your face and he turns it so you are facing him again. 

“I love you Y/n, I didn’t know that until I lost you. You’re not just my best friend y/n, you’re the love of my life. And I was stupid to break your heart. At school, you ignoring me pains me, Because I can’t stand a day without talking to you. I love you Y/n, I love you so so much and I hope you still would take me back and love me again, but this time more than just friends.” 

“I can’t love you after what you’ve done to my family.” You said as confident as you could. He smirks

“You’re lying. Did you forget I can listen to your heartbeat?” You frown.

“I hate you.”

“You love me.” 

“Hate you”

“Love me” You shake you head.

“Only if you deserve it.”

“Did you see me risk my life out there?”

“I know! How could you do such thing? I was so worried about you!”

“Are you saying you love me?” You shake your head. Suddenly, warm lips comes into contact with yours. Consciously, you kiss back. When you let go, he smirks while you blush madly.

“How about now? Do you love me yet?” You smile widely.

“You’re so desperate, What a loser.” He laughs

“Well I can be your loser.” He says before you kiss him again. And some things lead to the next. That night, you lost your virginity to your best friend and first love, Liam Dunbar.

From then on, you and Liam were the power couple. That was all you wanted. To be with your best friend. You were safe, he was safe, everyone was safe. You were his anchor and he will always be yours. Liam Dunbar will always be the love of your life.

Theo:

“Promise me you’ll change for the better.” You said to your secret boyfriend, Theo Raeken. You weren’t suppose to even talk to each other because your best friends, Stiles and Scott didn’t allow it. Of course you didn’t listen. You fell in love with Theo and the two of you became close. That night Theo opened up to you about killing his sister and working for the dread doctors. You didn’t mind, but you didn’t want him to continue on with being evil. 

“I promise babe. I’ll be a better person for you.” He smiles and kisses your forehead. You cuddle with him on the bed, slowly falling asleep. Little did you know Theo still had some things he kept away from you, and little did he know that he was slowly falling in love with you.

That was the promise he made. But when you saw Theo’s claws in Scott’s body, your heart broke into pieces. 

“T-Theo?” You call out, tears threatened to fall down your face. You couldn’t believe what was happening. Theo looked at you with evil in his eyes, but when he saw your tears, his facial expression softened and he let go of Scott.

“Y/N. I could explain.” He takes a few steps towards you.

“What is there to explain? That you manipulated me? That you lied to me? That you broke your promise? You killed my best friend for power, because you’re so power-hungry. I get it, you were just using me to get to the pack. I was just being a stupid naive girl who was just so desperate for someone to love her.”

“Y/n, no, I’m sorry. Babe. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Well you already did. Theo, you’re a monster. I hate you.” Tears slip out of your eyes. Theo walks sadly past you. Melissa arrives and does CPR on Scott. Mason, the only other person there that witnessed that, came up to me. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” He embraces you and you cry. Through your sobs, you hear Scott roar. He was alive, but you were broken.

After that, you saw a totally different Theo than the one you fell in love with with. You watched him form his own pack and kill half of them. You watched him attempt to save Lydia from the Eichen House. You watched him try to take the power of the beast, but miserably failed. The heartbreaking thing was whenever he saw you, he would pretend he didn’t know you and never loved you.  The worst part, was seeing him get dragged down to hell by his sister, and not being able to help. He kept calling your name, calling for you to help him, but Scott stopped you from doing so. It was a painful moment to watch.

Three months later, the pack was dealing with the wild hunt. They took Stiles already. Scott, Lydia, and Malia has gone to Canaan for clues on how to find Stiles. You didn’t want to go. You haven’t been active in the pack as much as you did before. Liam and his small pack always came over. Sometimes Brett would come with them too, even though Corey and Liam hated that. But ever since Stiles was gone, they were too busy to come over. Until that night, when Scott, Malia and Lydia came back from Canaan, Scott called you.

“Y/n? Oh hey y/n. I’m pretty sure what I’m doing isn’t a good idea but i need you to come to my place. There’s something here that you might want to see.” Scott states before hanging up. You sighed as you got dressed and headed to Scott’s.

You opened the door using the spare key someone gave you (a/n its stiles) But you couldn’t remember who. When you looked, Malia punching a familiar looking guy. You couldn’t make out who he was but when Malia was pulled away from him and he sat up, your eyes widened. You couldn’t believe it. It was him, the guy you fell in love with. He looked up at you.

“y/n?” he whispers. Scott takes a few steps toward you, but your head was spinning and you couldn’t hear or see clearly.

“Y/n? Are you okay?” A concerned Scott asks, holding onto you to keep you balanced. Once everything stops spinning, you look at Scott and blink a few times.

“Yeah. I’m fine. I’m, I’m just gonna go.” You said, walking quickly out of the house. You knew Scott was following you. 

“Y/n? Listen, if you’re not okay, you can always tell me.”

“I’m sorry Scott. It’s just... everything happened so fast. One minute I love him and the next I hate him.” You sigh in defeat

“Y/n...”

“It’s like all those memories i tried to forget came rushing back. He killed you Scott. He tried to kill my best friend, the person who means the most to me. You’re aren’t just my best friend Scott, you’re my brother. I don’t remember much about Stiles, but I know you guys were like brothers too. Theo tried to take you away from us. You’re someone special in my life. Not only do you protect me, but you care for me and love me, way more than Theo ever did. But the funny thing is, after all that he has done, I still manage to love him.” A few tears slide down your face. Scott embraces you in a tight hug.

“It’s okay Y/n. I will always forgive you. Even if you choose to be with him, I’ll understand, because you’re like my sister, and I love you. Everything is gonna be alright. Everything will work out just right, just wait.” You manage to laugh. The two of you walk around the streets for a while.

“Who and why did they bring him back anyway?” You ask as Scott was walking you home.

“Liam did. With Kira’s sword. He thought Theo would still have his powers to help us capture a ghost rider, but turns out he doesn't have it anymore. I guess the only reason on why we’re keeping him right now is because he remembers Stiles.” You nod. You reach your place.

“Thanks Scott.” You said. He smiles and kisses you on the forehead before walking away. 

The ghost riders have taken almost everyone. Scott, Malia, and Lydia have gone to trigger memories of Stiles. You didn’t go with them as you weren’t really in the mood. You wanted to stay home all night but Liam told you it wasn’t safe and that you should come with him to distract the Ghost Riders. Reluctantly, you agreed. And now you are stuck in the hospital with Liam and Theo.

“I don’t even know why I agreed, Liam. I’m only human. I have no supernatural powers. I can die Liam. I don’t even know what I was thinking.” You complained while walking into the hospital with the two boys. Theo pauses for a bit, looking at the main hallway. 

“Theo?” You asked, concerned. He quickly snaps out of it.

“I’m fine. I just thought I was somewhere else for a second.” He told us before we started walking again. Liam suggested that you guys hide in the morgue, which was a ridiculously stupid idea. When you reached the morgue, Theo and Liam instantly started arguing.

“You should've left me in the holding cell.” Theo complained

“I should've left you in the ground.” Liam retaliated

“Oh, really?” 

“Yeah. Really.”

“What do you think I was doing down there? Just hanging out with my dead sister? Having a good time catching up on childhood memories?” Your eyes snap up at Theo, confused.

“I think you were rotting down there.”

“Liam finally gets one thing right.” Your heart broke when you heard him agree to Liam. You realized his sister was torturing him down there, getting revenge on him for taking her heart and killing her. 

“I also think whatever happened to you, you deserved it.” You had enough at that point.

“Liam! Shut up! You’re being rude!” You defended Theo and the two boys just looked at you in awe. You didn’t dare look into their eyes and instead you focused on the sound of the siren until it suddenly stopped. 

“Guys, They’re here.” You hear the sound of footsteps. 

“Y/N, stay here.” Liam and Theo bring out their claws before attacking the nearby ghost rider. From the window, you watched them fight. Once they finished fighting all the ghost riders nearby, they were about to fist bump when they looked down the hall at something. You took a peek and saw more ghost riders. Theo runs to the elevator and presses the button while Liam shows his fangs. When the elevator door opens, Theo pushes Liam into it.

“What are you doing?” You hear Liam ask. 

“Being the bait.” He smirks before the elevator door closes. You hear Liam yell out “No!”

You decided to stay in a corner of the morgue. While you hear Theo fighting, you think of how he’s risking his life for Liam instead of fleeing himself and leaving him for dead. There was a gunshot which startled you. You got up to check it out. When you entered the hallway, there was no one. 

“Theo?” The elevator door pushes open and reveals Liam. 

“Y/N! You’re okay!” He runs up to hug you. The two of you let go and head to the reception area, where Liam sees a train station departure board. The first city name flips for a bit until it lands on Beacon Hills. Tracks have appeared on the floor. “We have to tell Scott!” Liam looks at you.

“But what about Theo?” You ask. You were really worried about Theo

“Nobody cares about him, let’s just go. He’ll be fine.” Liam says pulling your arm to the exit.

“No! Liam, you know how much I love him. I need to find him, I need to see if he’s okay. Please Liam. Let me find him.” You tell him. He looks deep into your eyes, and nods reluctantly. 

“Stay safe.” He adds. You immediately perk up and kiss him on the cheek.

“Thank you! I’ll meet up with you later!” You wave goodbye before running into the empty hallways of the hospital. 

“Theo! Theo!! Where are you? Please tell me you’re okay. Theo!!” Turning the corner, you hear some whimper. 

“Theo? Theo! Is that you? Theo!” You shout. You follow the source of the sound and end up back in the morgue. You see Theo curled up in a corner. He was slightly injured and dirty. From his facial expression, he was terrified. 

“Theo! Theo! You’re alive!” You run up to him, making him flinch and curl up tighter. 

“Please stop, I’m sorry.” You hear him mumble.

“Theo, It’s me, Y/n!” You softly touch him but he flinches and looks you in the eyes.

“I’m sorry! please stop! I get it, You’re mad at me but please stop it hurts, please stop. I’m-” You cut him off my kissing him. When you let go, Theo was finally not terrified.

“Why’d you do that?” He asks.

“Because I love you. And never do I want you to be hurt.” He faintly smiles. You take hold of his hands. “What you did with the ghost riders was really brave of you. I actually couldn’t believe you did it.”

“I promised someone that I’ll change for the better. I might of broke it already but I wanted to make it up to her.” You smile.

“Why?”

“Because I love you. And I never wanted to lose you.” He caresses your cheek before kissing you. “Would you mind being mine again? I’ll promise that I’ll be better. All for you.” Instead of answering, you kissed him. At the moment, you knew he has changed. He held you in his arms tightly and you felt safe. You were finally back in the arms of your first love, and you’ll always love Theo Raeken, for as long as you live.

Brett:

“Promise me you’ll be fine without me by your side.” You told your secret boyfriend, Brett, in an empty classroom of Beacon HIlls high school. He was a secret because your brother hated him and you didn’t want him upset.

“It will be hard, but I’ll try. For you.” He says. You kiss him. You hear the door open and you quickly pull apart. You see Liam come you way. Liam punches Brett in the face.

“Stay away from my sister!” He yells before grabbing your arm and walking out of the room. You looked back with a worried face and Brett smiled at you for reassurance. Liam takes you to his car.

“What the hell were you doing with him??” I roll my eyes.

“Why don’t you like him?” I ask

“It doesn’t matter.  I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you but-”

“We’re dating.” You said interrupting him. His eyes widen.

“Y/n Dunbar! I told you how much I hate him and yet you still interact with him. As your older brother, I demand you to stop seeing him.”

“You’re not the boss of me! You can’t demand me to stop seeing him! I love him!”

“I don’t care! It’s either you break up with him or I break up with him for you.”

“That’s not fair! Why do I always have to listen to what you say? I’m only 30 seconds younger than you!”

“Yes and that makes me the older brother! Y/n, listen to me, break up with him. He’s not what you think he is.”

“Stop trying to break us apart! You’re such a selfish person. All you care about is yourself. But what about me? Just because you and Brett had some mishaps back at Devenford doesn’t mean that I can’t date him.”

“Y/N!”

I don’t care, I’m not breaking up with him. And you can’t make me.” A sudden sharp pain hits your face. Liam had slapped you. 

“I f*cking hate you.” you told him before running away. Your legs took you to the woods, away from everyone. Your phone rings. It was from Brett. You decline the call and text him instead.

You: I’m sorry to do this but I have to break up with you.

Bae: It’s okay, I understand. I’ll always wait for you.

// You changed Bae’s name to Brett \\

You: Thanks for understanding. 

Brett: No problem. Remember I love you

You: I love you too. Goodbye :(

You turn off your phone and walk to the woods. A bit of rustling is heard from behind you, causing you to turn around. A wolf jumps out of nowhere. The wolf then transforms into a human male, who goes by the name Theo Raeken.

“Hello, y/n, fancy seeing you here.”

“what are you gonna do to me? He chuckles.

“Look y/n, I might have done bad things in the past, that doesn’t mean i’m gonna kidnap you or rape you of some sort. Just wanted to see if you’re okay.”

“You’re joking right? Raeken has a heart?” He laughs.

“yes but only to pretty girls like you.” He flirted. You blush. 

“Well you’re showing me a lot right now and I am very uncomfortable so I’m just gonna go.” You say before heading in another direction. Theo grabs your arm and turns you around. Somehow he has put on clothes.

“C’mon Dunbar, just tell me if you’re okay. I saw your brother yelling at you.”

“It’s nothing...” You say, avoiding his gaze.

“Y/n?” Tears start to fall out of your eyes.

“My brother hates my boyfriend and is forcing me to break up with him. I didn’t want to, but he kept on insisting so I told him that he can’t tell me what to do and then he slapped me.” You blurted out. “I feel like Liam is trying to take my first love away from me.” You put your hands on your face and sob in them until warmth fills your body. Theo Raeken had just hugged you.

From then on, You and Theo were best friends. He would always take you to your classes, flirt with you, and become protective whenever Liam comes near you as Liam hurted you. Even with him, you weren’t as happy as before. Theo knew that. But he didn’t say anything about it. Theo was always around at your house. Your parents loved him; Liam, not so much. After all Theo had done to the pack, Liam, along with Stiles, never trusted him and always gave him a glare when he was around. Theo told you all his plans about taking the beast’s power. But he never got you involved, and you never told anyone else about his plans. Until the day came.

It all happened so quickly.

“Your sister wants to see you.” Thunder Kitsune Kira said, shoving her sword onto the floor. The floor cracked and opened a hole beneath Theo. Tara came out and grabbed onto his feet, pulling him down. 

“Y/N! Y/N!! Help me!!” You stepped forward to help but Liam held you back.

“Theo!” You shouted as he fell down the hole and the hole closed up. Angrily, you pushed Liam away from you.

“What the hell is wrong with you guys. First, you take away Brett, and now Theo! You guys are the greatest friends I ever had. Thanks for trying to make my life miserable.” You yelled at all of them, a few tears sliding down your face.

“Y/n, we did what we had to do. You shouldn’t had even been friends with him.” Scott told you. 

“Well then take my life away. Because I just lost two important people of my life. What is life without them for me? They made me happy, happier than any of you have ever done.” You cried, walking out of the tunnels.

You got home with a wet face. Your parents asked you what’s wrong but you ignored all of them. You head to your room, falling on to your bed. You get out your phone and the first thing you see is Theo in your lockscreen. Angry, you throw your phone across your room and snuggle up with your pillows, falling asleep.

“Y/n! Y/n! Y/n! Help!” you hear someone say. You search for where the voice came from. 

“Y/n!!!!” You hear louder, and you quicken your speed. You find yourself at the tunnels again. Two things were happening at the same time. Brett was tied up and Liam was there in werewolf form with his claws out. He was gonna attack Brett. Theo was getting dragged down to hell. You were stuck; should you save your best friend or the love of your life? You were too slow and both of them disappeared causing you to scream.

“Y/N!!” Liam opens the door to your room to see you screaming. He quickly runs up and hugs you. Tears form in your eyes.

“I’m sorry Y/n.” Liam whispers, kissing your temple. Instead of answering you fall back asleep in his arms. The nightmare stopped coming.

Brett stands in the corner, watching you as you get drunk and dance, a hint of jealousy can be seen from his face as he watches you dance with other boys at the party a few days later. You have been getting quiet lately so Liam brought you to a party. 

“Hey Talbot.” Liam walks towards Brett in the corner.

“Dunbar.” Brett says back. 

“Look, I know we have some mishaps in the past but Y/n has nothing to do with it. I took you away from her, and then I took her best friend away from her. You know, Theo Raeken who got sent to hell. He was the only other person other than you that made her happy. We couldn’t, we just made it worse for her.”

“I’m calling you selfish for the fact that you disapproved with us because of what me and you had. But Theo was an evil guy, you’re not selfish for that. You were only trying to protect her from what he could have done to her.”

“Yes, but the problem is when I see him with her, she’s happy and Theo is so kind to her. He takes her to her classes, hangs out ALL the time at our house, and gets protective when shes hurt. Theo had a heart around her.”

“I understand. But did he touch her in anyway?” Liam shrugs.

“I know he flirts a lot with her, maybe a few kisses on the cheek, hugs. But nothing you need to worry about.” Brett’s jaw clenches but manages to stay calm. 

“Last night, Y/n had a nightmare. She told me when I went to calm her down that she watched you and Theo die and couldn’t do anything about it. She didn’t know who to save. The worse part was that I was there too, about to kill you. She’s been having the nightmare lately, and she’s been crying a lot.”

“So what are you trying to say?”

“I want my sister to be happy again. So I am allowing you, Brett Talbot, to date my sister, Y/n Dunbar, once again. But I swear to god if you hurt her, I will deal with you myself along with Scott.” Liam says to him, putting out his hand.

“Deal.” Brett smiles and shakes Liam’s hand before heading into you.

“Y/n, can I talk to you? Or are you too drunk to process anything?” You look at him in the eyes and your eyes sparkle with joy. You nod and the two of you head out to the back.

“I see you’re doing well.” You say once you get out of the place. 

“Well, I promise a girl that I will do fine without her. So here I am, somehow surviving without you.” He smiles. You smile back.

“So what did you want to tell me?”

“Your brother, Liam had just allowed us to date again.” You widen your eyes for a second.

“Because he thinks he was a bit selfish and he wants you to be happy.” You smile. “He told me that you’ve been crying a lot lately and having the same nightmare every night. It hurts him to see you like that so now he has set aside our differences to allow me to date you. My question is: would you like to go out with me?”

“In that case, I do.” You say hugging him. tightly.

Finally, you were happy. The nightmare stopped coming but every once in a while you get a nightmare about Theo. But, with Brett, he makes you happy. You weren’t fully happy, but you were happy. You were with the love of your life. Everything has changed.

“Now, tell me y/n. How many times have you and that Theo guy kissed?”

Well not exactly everything.

Bonus Part for Brett’s section

You were in the tunnels once again. 3 months ago, you watched you best friend get dragged to hell here. You miss him a heck of a lot and you still have him on your lock screen even with your boyfriend’s protests. Liam and Hayden have brought you with them to the tunnels again without telling you what they were doing. What you were more worried about were the ghost riders taking you away.

Mrs.Yukimura is at the end of the tunnel, holding Kira’s sword. Liam and Mrs.Yukimura exchange words, but you didn’t focus in on their conversation. All you really want was to get out of here and go home. Mrs.Yukimura leaves and you see that Liam now has the sword. He takes a few steps, and hesitates for a bit.

“Liam wait!” Hayden calls out, just as Liam shoved the sword into the ground. The floor cracks and opens up a hole. A figure crawls out in beta werewolf form. He growls and attacks Liam, pinning him to the wall. You stand in shock because not only did Liam open up a hole, he brought back Theo.

“Where's my sister?"

"Your sister’s dead. She died a long time ago. You killed her remember.” Theo growls, eyes still glowing amber. You were too shook to speak at the moment. 

“I’m gonna kill you, too. I’m gonna kill all of you.”

“Hopefully not me, because I've done nothing bad to you.” You finally had found enough confidence to speak up. Theo turns his head towards you. HIs eyes stop glowing.

“Y/n!” He shouts happily. You happily smile back.

“Hey hey, hey. You know what this does? if you look at her like that again, I will use this again.” Liam gestures to the sword he was holding.

“Don’t!” You say quickly. You walk in front of Theo.

“Nobody is allowed to separate me and Theo or Brett ever again.” You say, glaring at your brother, who looks down ashamed. 

After that, Liam and Hayden explained what they wanted from Theo. They tried it out but unfortunately Theo had no more powers. Again Liam, Hayden and Mr. Douglas, who you were very suspicious of, wanted him to go back down. But you defended Theo again.

“Whoa, hold on, who’s making decisions around here? Where’s Scott? Where’s Stiles?” Everyone looks at Theo.

“You remember Stiles?”

“Why wouldn’t I remember Stiles?”

“Maybe he is useful after all.” Liam says. I mouth to him ‘told ya’, and he shakes his head.

“I’m allowing you to stay here, not only because you remember Stiles, but because you were the other person who made my sister happy.” He says. I happily jump up and down before running to hug my brother.

“Oh my god, I love you so much!” You say and Liam chuckle. 

“Love you too.” He says hugging back. 

After the two of you finish hugging, Theo explains everything he knows about the wild hunt. He also told us that he knows something about Mr. Douglas, making you fist bump him for thinking alike. Then you guys head home, with you and Theo talking non-stop, making Liam have a headache. 

“Malia! Stop punching him!” You yelled, pulling her off of Theo .

“T, are you okay?”  He nods. But you knew he was lying. 

“It’s okay princess, i’m fine.” He flirted.You smiled a blushed at the name he called you. You missed him calling you that.

While you tended Theo’s injuries, Scott, Liam and Malia argued about if they should put him back.

“He’s going back to the ground.”

“He remembers Stiles.”

“Scott remembers Stiles. Lydia and I remember Stiles.”

“C’mon guys, let’s not think about the past, but the present. He completely remembers Stiles and he knows a lot about the wild hunt. He can be useful. Plus think about Y/n! Remember how broken she was when we sent Theo to hell? How she didn't talk to any of us for an entire week? Do you guys want her to be like that again? He’s also my responsibility now, I have the sword.” The trio looks at you, who was busy cleaning off the blood on Theo’s face.

“Tell me if i’m wrong, but look how happy she is. She’s extra happy now.” Scott nods. The door opens and in comes Brett. The smell of jealousy quickly fills the room as Brett clears his throat. You turn around and smile.

“hey babe.” You turn you attention to the trio for a second. “If you guys are done arguing, I would like to formally introduce my boyfriend to my bestfriend.” You say rolling your eyes before, going to help Theo up. 

“Okay. Brett, this is Theo. My best friend who just got back from hell. And Theo, this is Brett, my boyfriend.” The two boys star at each other for a while before shaking hands and saying hello. 

“I reckon that you know that me and Y/n are dating, so I hope you won’t steal her away.”

“I won’t have to do so unless you hurt my princess.” You smile. Brett narrows his eyes at the two of you.

“yes, and if any of you hurt my little sister, then I'll have do some bad bad things to you.” Liam intervenes

You smile at their protectiveness. Finally you were 100% happy. Living a happy life with your pack, boyfriend, brother and best friend. Life was good now and you loved it.

xxxxx

second imagine!!! yaay!! Hope y’all like it. Requests are open and I also have prompts. :) I added a bonus to brett’s because I truly believe that reader deserves 110% happiness which means bringing her bff back.

also this blog is now theo raeken and liam dunbar stan, 85% of my posts will be about them. 14% teen wolf, 1% other. so most of the unrequested imagines will be about one of them :)

BRett TALbot DEServed f*cKIng BETter I’m SUing

lots of love x

[ilygsd]

010218: 4

im not gonna lie. after my adoption i’ve lived my life kinda good. my parents divorce was triggering at 10/11 but i still kinda… didn’t understand. i was extremely angry, i was extremely out of control angry. i hated my mom so intensely and i blamed her ptsd on her bc i hated how life was. but things started to change when my one and only best friend changed school. i wasn’t really angry, i was just sad and disappointed. and i stopped seeing her cus i was… disappointed. those years were shit and i was 13-15 years old. i hated that school. i hated the people. i was lonely and i was just trying to… hold on and until upper high school so i could start over. and i did. i got a new best friend i was so overattatched to her bc i didn’t realize that was a problem. i wanted to befriend her friend and his. rejection was probably my first trigger. i was 16, it was 2 years ago and i didn’t take it well. i didn’t understand why but i felt so humiliated and it made me angry. i hated him. i didn’t even know him. i never even met him. he didn’t even properly reject me, he just stopped answering my messages and for some reason i felt so inferior to him that i constantly had to hate him - a person i didnt know - in order to feel superior. i befriended her other friend though. we’re actually together. he’s my boyfriend, and has been for 2 years. my bff and bf fighted though. she abandoned him completely and i thought it was shitty so i took his side while she took her other friends side. we were still friends though but things got… weird. i felt like i was the only one taking initative in our relationship and since i knew she wouldn’t change i let go. things were okay bc i had another friend. BUT. we had a fight. i was feeling lonely and asked her and her other friend to ask me if we could hang. i did it well. i was considerate and so on. what i didnt do well was handle her rejection. it came as a shock. and i didn’t understand why she couldn’t just ask me to hang because well… i felt lonely and unappreciated. things got worse when she ditched me and started to hang with my ex-bff completely. i asked my 2 other friends to please, why can’t you invite me, but their passiveness and reluctant to change made me furious. so i started to guilt trip, i started to criticize, blame and obviously things got even worse. i was completely lonely and i guess i have myself to blame that bc i obviously didnt know how to handle rejection. i still don’t really think of them as very good friends but i do understand that i could have handled the situation a lot better if i… could. 

i was constantly angry, full of hatred towards these people, FOR MONTHS. my grades dropped, i didnt care about school, about my interests, i couldn’t think of anything and knowing that they could go on with their lives without caring about me leaving or me being angry, without letting my manipulation get to them - made me go CRAZY. i was suicidal and murderous at the same time. i wanted to kill. i wanted to kill them and myself. and the more i read, the more i understood that i was the problem which made me feel even more inferior, even more worthless. no one cared about me. it was my own fault all along and as everyone says ”no one owes me anything”. my friends didnt have to stay. no one had to stay. no one had to love me. anyone could just leave because thats apparently how the world works. apparently thats how everything works and i had lived 18 years without understanding that. i thought relationships were about being together. i didn’t care much about the reason i just wanted that intimacy with someone, wether it be a parent, friend or boyfriend.

in fact i prioritized friends more than romantic relationship bc when i got together with my boyfriend i still had my bff as my number one priority. i still thought of her as my TRUE soul mate. when things changed he became closer to me though and he became my only friend, my only boyfriend, my only… everything.

i cant imagine how much he must have suffered. i was extremely emotionally instable and i was CLINGY and NEEDY as fuck. he was my only escape. i wanted him with me 24/7 because it was only with him i was ”happy”. but he wasn’t enough and when he couldnt be with me i was manipulative, guilt tripping and angry. sometimes i was pushing him away but other days i was begging him to stay. i realized that i needed something else so i got myself something else. i got myself kpop. i've been obsessed with kpop for a few months now. you can go ahead and laugh at me all you want but i’m literally obsessed. it started as something fun, but now i can’t let go of it. i can’t stop thinking about it. i can’t stop consuming it. i’ve stopped sleeping, stopped eating, stopped doing basically everything. i’ve stopped being with my boyfriend and i’ve stopped caring. i’ve stopped caring about my bff, about my boyfriend, about my life. i only cared about kpop

so when i one day told my boyfriend that maybe we should break up and he said the same - i didnt really feel anything. i felt… like it wouldn’t bother me. and a part of me still feels like that. i don’t know if i’m physically attracted to him anymore for example. we came up with the solution that we would think about it. and the more i think about it the more it triggers me. i thought i didn’t care but i do. it triggers me so much. i can’t concentrate about anything in school. i can’t think about anything else. i feel exactly like i did after the bff-breakup and im afraid im gonna do something i’ll regret. i’m afraid im gonna do something bad, something manipulative and abusive like ”break up with me then, but don’t keep me hanging” and then when he breaks up with me im gonna guilt trip him. that happened once before. i forced him to break up with me because he couldn’t gurantee we would be together forever.

i’d like to tell myself that i don’t want to be abusive. because that makes me feel like a somewhat decent person. that makes it feel like im actually trying but- im not. i don’t know what im doing. i’m not doing anything. i’m just crying and pitying myself

[omanu]

ok. im feeling some type of way and it's time for trigger warning suicide depression n idk how to put the read more thing anymore so here we go (i say this as if ppl are here,, I'm p sure 90% of my followers are inactive)

so, lately I've been thinking about ugliness and how I can't stand that I am a true ugly person. like, in appearance, im pretty much what ppl would call ugly. and this is something humans created I know, but it is what it is, and just bc it is made up, it doesn't mean i don't suffer from it. and i don't like when ppl go out of their way to tell me im not ugly, bc i know how I am treated bc of my appearance. my entire life I was treated as an ugly person, so I am, and I know it, I know what I'm talking about, I'm not,, trying to fish for compliments bc I know some ppl genuinely might think I'm not ugly, but actually, if you are my online friend you just don't know how i look and, as for my irl friends they tell me that bc im a nice person and they like me. but, objectively, im hideous. so. yeah. im ugly.

i find myself accepting this reality unconsciously, sometimes I don't care, sometimes i don't think about it, sometimes is all I think about. and my ugliness is related to fatphobia and racism and just fuckin asymmetry, a picturesque thing, if you studied art just a little you know what I mean. so, anyway, sometimes I think i can pull it off when I'm skinnier but I've never been happier about how ugly I look no matter how fat or skinny I've been, and I'm currently obese and I've been super skinny too and it just feels the same. so, tonight I'm just sitting here thinking about how this affected me and shaped my personality and i always cry of course. and somehow this connects to my inability of making friends or even talking to ppl. now. this friends subject is a very complicated thing to talk about bc i have online friends who understand me on the most deepest level and I can truly count on them, the only problem is that they are not here, and idk if they wanted to be by my side as much as I want them to be by mine. and that's fine, they have their own life. and my friends irl are ppl who I love too but they are no way, in an emotional level, close to me. I have nothing to share w them, no common interests. we just like each other. and, tbh, I have accepted I won't form a complete bond, in my terms, with anyone, or be loved, or be known how I want to. i truly don't know if this is a reasonable desire, but I feel like that's how I want to have friendships: share interests, enjoy each other's companies, truly know each other, be together in the same place, think about each other, do nice thinks you like together. I think that's pretty much all I want, and I have it in pieces, separated by distance and by liking. this can form something, but it doesn't fit. i also don't know if this is me going after some kind of perfection that is not real, but some people look like they have that, and in a way, i have it too, but i still feel incomplete. which leads me to another subject, which is suicide.

i really wanna commit suicide, and I believe that's how I will go. i have no faith I will be okay with living, and if I don't kill myself, I'll just live a miserable life anyway, so there is no difference, except if I don't kill myself my mom wont have to deal w this mess.

like, the is no way I will live well. i can't learn to love myself and i don't even want to love myself, so i know it's going to be like this forever. and im thinking about jjong and his suicide letter. I mean, why can't I do it? it's my life. everything has been the same and will be the same. why do I have to endure this pain for nothing? i don't believe in god and i don't believe in hell or in heaven or anything. i think nothing will happen to me when I die, when I kill myself, except I will stop existing and that all i want for almost decade. this will not. change. im not gonna lie, I want the attention, I want ppl in my.life to know im about to lose it, I wanna try to kill myself and fail and go to a psych ward and make everyone worried and then get back home and then try again and again and again. but my mom would lose her mind, I just want attention and this attention won't change anything cuz im still myself. and I'm doomed bc i am myself. I wanna die but I also wanna stay so i can hurt myself and pity myself and try to get more and more attention threatening I will kill myself. do i really wanna kill myself. dikslff I'm laughing cuz I was thinking about creating an account on weverse and write how i can't find friends and I want bts to see it and I want them to say something but I won't see it cuz I will be dead. or, I want to feel the sadness when no one comments when no one shows interest. or I wanna receive hate in my dms saying that I'm guilt tripping ppl. i want all of this attention. this is what I'm doing right now, trying to get an anonymous message here too! but it has to be anonymous! if it's no not, it's not gonna be special, it won't feel good. ok, I'll sleep and then I will wake up and delete all the posts I made on twt and this post bc the embarrassment of not receiving a single message, a single note, and the embarrassment of just the things I've said will be too much and I will go on and tell myself: what did you expect. this is exactly what should happen to you. nothing. I am the person who says I'm gonna kill myself to the wrong audience. I am the person pretending. if i was the real deal, I'd do it in front of my mom. my dad. they would go around and do things for me. why can't I do that? if that's what I want? im not talking about dying. I want my movie to contain all the times I said I was gonna kill myself and no one showed up on my curious cat. no dm. no notification pop up. i want delete my social media so people someday think about me and go try to find my @ and they can't find anything so they think: wow did he die. and then i want them to worry. but I have to know about it.

im not crying anymore. i want to hurt myself and I want ppl to see it. and i wanna die and I want them to know about it. but i can't know if they will know about it when I'm dead. this is making me laugh because life is the only thing we know. we can't even imagine how is it like to be dead. we simply don't know.

anyways. I'm not gonna do anything as always. if anyone has any idea why I don't just kill myself, please let me know.

[gwisingegooli]

it’s always kinda funny trying to figure out why things ended up the way they did, in terms of all the small decisions and where the mistakes where made

yesterday i was way too fucking tired to hang out w the de anza degens and watch the league of legends world finals. i pretty much took us home from aquis and i passed the fuck out.

and later michael said he kinda wished he couldve hung with them, and later when i woke up i felt the same. but even while sleeping i told michael not to wake me during the world finals and i just peaced the fuck out.

so reflecting on it — i definitely should not have stayed up drinking til like 3 the day before yesterday, when i had to wake up for my rideshare by like 9. especially when the day before i had stayed up smoking and cleaning my room til 5, and then i woke up at like 12. and when the day before that i had stayed up til 5 drinking, and then i woke up for my 8 am, and didnt really have time to nap properly after.

so yeah, a landslide of bad sleeping decisions. but especially the night before, i shouldve turned in early so my body wasnt so done w me.

my rideshare was also fucking awful. my driver was a pushover, and so am i a little bit. and the other guy in the rideshare loved to take advantage of that! he was seedy and shady and i hated him so much for manipulating us because we were nice. he made our rideshare take us to wholefoods, to ross, etc like get his chores done bc we thought it was nbd. i would say i dont want to, or we shouldnt, but i wasnt firm enogh and i ended up getting totally steamrolled over. im never going to let myself get taken advantage of ever again.

michael was super steamed bc i ended up making him wait too, bc i came later than i thought since we were doing this guys fucking chores. i told him i tried to say something but then he texted me — “well you should say fuck no” “you fucking idiot” in separate texts and i thought he called me a fucking idiot. he texted right after “him being the fucking idiot” but i didnt see that because i had put my phone down after the text before trying not to cry.

it literally destroyed me and made me so sad and when he came to pick me up he was super angry, not at me at all, but at what happened. he was frustrated for sure but i thought he had called me that, and it had scared me because i thought it was super unfair and mean and uncharacteristic. it’s crazy that i thought he would even say that to me because he never would??? i think i was super insecure and projecting how i felt about myself, and i still felt it was within the realm of possibility he would say that to me so i couldnt even look at him.

i was quiet on the ride back, and he started talking to me and asking what happened, and i started crying trying to explain. and he said he understood but as the conversation went on he said he didnt understand why i hadnt apologized yet for making him wait. and i said i apologized over text, and im sorry for making him wait. but he said my apology didnt sound genuine. he said he wasnt trying to be difficult, especially on our first meeting. the situation must’ve been very confusing for him because i was reacting to a misunderstanding that we hadn’t know had happened yet.

i told him i didnt know what to do about that, if i am apologizing genuinely. i told him im just trying to understand what happened because it was kind of traumatizing to be taken advantage of like that and then in hindsight realize how you were manipulated, and then come see your boyfriend super angry because i wasnt able to take control of a situation and he has to be part of it all and how scary that was. and he asked me, confused, why i was scared? and i told him i was so tired and hungry and scared and sad and confused and i didnt want to have to do all of this. and he said thats ok, we can drop it.

later i said im sorry for being a pussy. and even though it makes it so that im not looking at myself, im sorry that guy was such a dick that you felt the radius of his awfulness. he laughed and said that felt apology felt more genuine. and he said he was just happy to see me.

when i got home i checked my texts and then i said “oh...” and explained how i had thought he called me a fucking idiot and he dropped everything and came to hug me and apologize and said he would never say that to me and like went hardcore on saying sorry. i was just happy everything was cleared up and i told him not to do that in texts ever again >:( and he was like ofc ;_;

so now after being physically exhuasted i had to go through an emotionally draining experience over a bad text. i bet if i wasn’t so exhuasted i wouldve been able to figure out how to sort things better, and realized why i was so upset.

then i always couldve powered through being so exhuasted but at aqui’s like. justin was so fucking annoying. like listening to justin talk, even when i am fully rested, destroys my social stamina. he makes me want to be rude and ignore him and give one word responses because otherwise i will go crazy. and then if u seem tired he’s like “are you okay?” and its like yes, but no because of you. please stop being annoying.

even looking at will is pretty triggering now because my perception of him has been realigned w how he really is bc of a few recent mishaps. i could go into them in detail but basically he’s just a little kid who has a lot of growing up to do, isnt good at listening, being open minded, planning things.... i had to dd because he fucked up planning on the way there. he told his friends to come and then we ended up heading out when they were supposed to come!! like yes, george shouldve checked his phone for the change in plans but also. stop sending conflicting plans last minute. >:( i am the most tired one here. and then no one else offered to drive because it was all last minute. like i am back for the first time and y’all aint even gonna warmly greet me and take care of me???????? just kidding but also not kidding LOL

so the table seating at aqui’s was fucking awful. daniel was way on the edge when he should be sitting near me and michael cause he’s the only other cool person. alvin was fine but i was like zzz because justin was in the center. justin does like one on one conversations “well” (by this i mean he can keep a conversation going for forever and not in a good way) so he should be on the side. will was playing a fucking phone game so he shouldve been on the side. alvin ended up being on his phone too.

daniel tried to engage but the tables are too far and he could only make like funny eye contact w us every once in a while and i was like TT

so i slowly phased in and out of consciousness and then by the end of the trip i was like. michael. i need to go and die in peace rn.

and thats why i missed worlds. its a lot of situational things but thats why you gotta make sure you aren’t HALT (hungry angry lonely tired) so you can evaluate your situations and fix shit up and be actually alive to take on the world.

[deathbyfics]

Love for the Final XO

I didn’t want to lose these or leave them to rot in my inbox or not acknowledge them or delete them. I want to keep these forever because they’ve truly meant the world to me and I love each and every one. You guys have really shown me such love and support and I can’t express how grateful I am. 

So this is just going to be a massive post of responses I got from the final. No URLS will be posted. 

Thank you thank you thank you! xx

Hi! I've just finished the last chapter and it really moved me. I loved every second of Hide and XO and, let me tell you, you wrote a perfect end. I'm aware that you struggled while you were working on the fic and I saw it reflected in it. I really hope you listen to your own words and keep going on despite whatever happens in your life. Keep being positive and keep doing whatever makes you happy. Once again, thank you so much for writing such a beautiful story and congratulations on it. Lots of love from Spain ❤️

Oh my goodness, the final chapter is up. I've grown up with this fic. It helped me come to terms with and embrace my sexuality. I...just need a moment before I jump in. Thank you for everything.

I stop reading fanfics about one direction a long time ago but for some reason I always kept up with yours. I think it was they way it had them in it but it wasn’t solely about the band and it was way more realistic then an other story i have ever read them. It was truly an amazing and beautiful story thank you for continuing to write it all these years , I’ll truly miss it.

I cried throughout for Avery, Harry & their families, a bittersweet ending for a couple who had faced all that life had thrown at them with such strength, togetherness & love. They really were there for it all. Madeline's wedding was beautiful & the letter from Avery was perfect, but my god you really got me with the letter to Harry. I've loved, cried & laughed over this past 4 years sharing in their story, thank you so much Bee it's been one hell of a journey & I've enjoyed every single part❤️

I've been reading Hide since it first started and you would update every Friday. At that time I was so unhappy with my life and the situation I was in and Hide was one of the only things that I looked forward to each week. 4 years later I've much happier with my life but I've still always looked forward to all your Hide updates. You wrote an amazing story that inspired me and helped my confidence at a time when I desperately needed it. Hide is so much more than 'fanfic' to me, it will always Stick with me and I will always remember it as one of my favourite pieces of writing I've ever read. The last part was heartbreaking but fitting and you should be so proud of the world you created with Hide Bee. Xx

Oh my gosh you ruined me. But in the best way possible, I think? You are truly talented. Keep writing, my love. Congrats on closing this beautiful chapter of your life. I wish you nothing but the best. Thank you for it all. Even though I've been continuously bawling for 2+ hours. I think I'll be crying for a long time.

Words are hard to come by for me but I just want to THANK YOU for all the hours and all the days (and years) of dedication you've put into Hide. I loved every second of it, it's been a wild ride and the ending was super hard and emotional (I was in tears, actually fucking tears) but I feel like it was the perfect ending to their story. SO THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I will never forget their story, never, ever.

Bee, I just want to thank you with all my heart for creating Hide. I've learned so much from it since I started reading it in my first year of uni. I identified so much with Avery's insecurities, realized that I needed to work on my self-love, and have been working and growing since. I'm so grateful that I've been able to read this beautiful story you've written. Thank you thank you thank you. I don't doubt that you'll accomplish your dreams as a writer from this. i wish you all the best <3

I am sitting here in TEARS reading the last part of this. It's so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this piece of art with us. It truly as been an amazing ride and I'm so touched with the story. The end of an era!!!

Wow... Where to start? I'm sobbing in tge bathtub here. That was amazing and beautiful and sad and perfect. You were one of the first authors I ever read like 5 years ago when I first got into this fandom. I rec hide to anyone who will listen and even those who won't. Avery and Harry were so real. You made them come alive and gave them real world problems. I love their kids and their life. This was an amazing perfect ending. Tears and all. Thank you.

Literally sobbing. I can't say I loved it bc I don't think anyone could love reading about someone dying. Especially someone who they've grown to love as a character. However, it was beautifully written and a beautiful ending to a love story that was bigger then anyone. I can appreciate the way you wanted it to end, and there's nothing I can do to change it. But thank you for bringing Harry and Avery to us. The fact that it made me physically sad means you've done your job as a writer. All the❤️

Okay I just finished it and I had a serious panic attack just now. It definitely wasn't compeltely from reading it (I had one this morning too) so don't feel bad but it triggered me and I couldn't catch my breath there for a bit. Now that I'm calmer HOLY SHIT BEE! What a beautiful story. I can't believe I've been here since you started it, before that even. The Harry that you've created is almost exactly like how I imagine he is in real life so good job on that! I think Avery has the best  character development in the story. She's real and struggles with self love just like the rest of us but she learns to love herself and be confident. I still remember the feeling I'd get when you'd upload a new chapter. I would get all excited and I would read it in one sitting (thats like 2 hours). Today I felt different when I saw that you finished it. I knew it was going to be the end and I didn't want to be sad. I think that even though the ending has really gotten to me, I understand why  I understand why you ended it like that. You are real and this story is real and so you weren't going to end it all happily ever after. Avery got her happy ending in a twisted way and this story IS and always has been Avery's story. Seriously, thank you so much for sharing their world with us. And thank you for seeing your vision through instead of changing things to please other people. Please give us a heads up before you remove it once and for all cause I'd really like to reread it again. 

The fact I started reading Hide three years ago and how much has changed since then is crazy to think about, but all I can say that you have created something so so beautiful. I've been sobbing for the last few hours, more than I've ever cried from any published fiction. Thank you for creating Harry & Avery. For describing a love so fierce and powerful that inspires me to settle for nothing less. Thank you thank you thank you.

the ending was so beautiful, i took my time reading carefully to soak it all up. and i haven’t stopped crying since, thank you so much for giving us this 💖

I'm full on crying. I couldn't finish reading it because it literally hurt so much but you're such an amazing writer!

i haven't been able to stop crying oh my god that was intense. YOU MY FRIEND ARE SO GIFTED IN WRITING

you actual cold hearted bitch (i'm just kidding i love you so much) how dare you

I'm halfway reading through the last chapter and I literally cannot finish it. I'm an emotional wreck as I type this to you. My eyes are all puffy and my nose is running. I needed a break before I continue reading but I just wanted to say I love how beautiful you made Harry and Avery. From the beginning of Hide, I never thought I'd see them as an unconditionally loving couple. Also, bee this fanfic has helped me open up to my being honest with my feelings and to being affectionate. Thank you.

We're just gonna act like I wasn't crying my eyes out the entire time. That being said it was so beautifully written like all of your work is.

It's hard to form into words how sentimental I feel toward Harry and Avery. Hide feels like more than a fic to me, I guess. I've followed them for as long as I can remember, I would get so excited seeing you post a new chapter each week. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You created a beautiful story and I will be forever attached to Havery. Xx

I just finished "Summer" and i'm a mess and have no words. I just wanna thank you for such a beautiful story and wish you very good luck in life, Bee. And i sincerely hope you get to, one day, write a book because you can fucking write!! xx

I have been following this blog now for a little over two years now and I have never, ever felt so many emotions in one story in my whole life. No book, no fan fiction, nothing has ever come close to this before. As a young, aspiring writer I want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your work with people. Thank you for creating such developed, mature and realistic characters. Thank you for making a fictional character be an inspirational and empowering woman who I admire. Hide has been the best piece of writing that I have ever read not just from a fanfic standpoint but from a romance story. So bravo, Hide was really, truly incredible work. Really well done with everything. I admire you and hope that you will continue writing more in the future, I will be first in line at any book signings. Well done and thank you again, Bee. x

Bee, I wasn't ready. Was not prepared in the least. I cried the entire time, literally felt like I was going through it with them. I'll miss Harry and Avery so much. I was reading back on your old blog when you were updating each chapter. I want to say the story was only maybe 10 chapters in when I found it and have been with it ever since. My fav story/characters of all time. You are so talented and I'm so happy I got to come along on this journey. Thank you! xoxo

I'm a blubbering mess. Bee, words don't do that final chapter justice. It was perfect. I've been an avid follower and reader of your fics since the good ole' days of your Can't Do Better series. When you first started Hide, I instantly fell in love with Harry and Avery's story and would find myself yearning for Sunday to come around so I could read the latest chapter. Knowing that I was about to read the last ever installment of Harry and Avery's journey, my emotions/expectations were all over the place however your writing once again blew me away and exceeded every expectation I didn't even know I had. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Please continue to write, you truly have an amazing gift. Congratulations on finally finishing XO!!! It truly is an end of an era...excuse me while I cry my eyes out a bit more haha xx

How. How. How could you do this to me? I swear I haven't stopped crying. This is just heartbreaking ... your writing is absolutely beautiful. My mom died 12 years ago and left me and my two brothers and I related to Maddie so so much BecaSe I got married 2 years ago. And my dad is my hero so watching him go through that and now reading this has brought back so many memories that are just heartbreaking but that remind me that time heals all wounds.Thank you for this even if my eyes are swollen🙈

That felt so real? I feel like Im in this thing and im experiencing it for real? I hadnt even noticed that everything was blurred and my cheeks were wet. You're so so talented and I truly needed a moment of silence to just tell myself that I was reading fiction. I love literature but I have never had this feeling before, I dont quite know what to call it. It enough to say that you are incredible, and your writing ability is outstanding.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. I have been keeping up with Hide/XO since I was a senior in high school (four years ago). I even canceled plans with the my friends because I knew you posting that night. But I don't think I have ever cared more about fictional characters in my entire life. Harry and Avery were the most emotional, vulnerable, accepting, flawed, provocative, loving characters I have ever encountered and it's all because of your genius mind.Thanks again for sharing them with us❤️

I've been here through it all Bee. The only thing I can think to say after reading what is probably the most beautiful thing I have ever read, is thank you. I don't remember the last time I've cried while reading a story, but I promise I ugly cried from beginning to end. You are so, so talented. We didn't deserve this kindness, this kindness of you sharing your works with us, but I'm so thankful you did. We loved Harry and Avery and we LOVE YOU. So thank you Bee. Thank you thank you thank you

Hii so I've never written in before but I just felt like I absolutely had to pop in and thank you. If you'd told me when I started this fic that four years later I'd still be checking into your tumblr daily to see if I would get another small window into Harry and Averys life I would have told you to fuck off and yet here I am. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing this story and for creating a love story and characters so realistic I feel as if I actually know them. Xx

oh my god i was literally ugly crying while reading it bee you broke my fucking heart it was so beautiful

I saw that preview and knew. I just fucking knew. It's 11:41 pst and I am bawling my eyes out!! I have been with you and this story for years and to see it end is so so heartbreaking. But GOD Harry and Avery's is so beautiful and pure. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing this with us. I'm still crying and I'll probably be crying for a long time.

Oh my goodness 😭😭 my mother is a breast cancer survivor. We got so lucky with her process and reading how it could have gone for us was surreal. I was in tears the entire time. Your writing is beautiful, I have fallen in love with Avery and Harry and they have taught me so much. I read your Hide posts the moment they used to come out on Friday nights and XO has never disappointed. Thank you Bee. I know it wasn't always easy for you but I appreciate every post. I will miss this story so much!

To be honest I had to take breaks in between the reading because wow ! I cried and got emotional and I absolutely love the way you wrote this one

That was literally the most depressing thing I've ever read in my entire life, damn you and your amazing writing omg

This is undoubtedly the most beautiful love story ever written. Thank you for giving us all this wonderful gift, even if I haven't stopped crying since I began reading this last part. A million times thank you.

Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you. I have a certain attachment to Hide and that was a beautiful way of finishing it off. Well done, Bee. Thank you

I am here in the dark BAWLING MY EYES OUT!! 😭😭😭 Girl, I haven't cried this much since the first time I saw the notebook. I loved Hide so much. It's so much more than just fanfiction tbh. This was amazing writing, thank you so much.

I have no words other then thank you for the gift you have given me. This story touched me in so many ways that I can't even explain to you but it is hands down the best damn fic I read in my life ( and trust me it's already a long one). Heartbroking ending, went back to Hide at least 5 times in the past year and a half and will be going back to many more. Except I might not go to the ending again. Amazing. Wish you the best in life

You've put us through one hell of a ride with XO/Hide and its been fucking incredible, to say the least. I've never cried more reading a story before. Harry and Avery are forever immortal in my eyes and i'll reread their love story for as long as I possibly can. This story has changed me as a person and I can't thank you enough. Although i'm incredibly sad it has come to an end ill always love it. Havery's story means the world to me and bless you for being the creative writing legend you are xo

Hide/XO (really the entirety of "Death by Styles") has literally meant the world to me these past few years. It's what I read and re read over and over again when I've needed an escape and what's kept me believing in love and fate and happiness. It may sound silly, me talking about this story like i've got some sort of attachment to it, but I do and i've loved every second of it. I've cried, laughed, and loved because of this story and I thank you for that Bee. Thank you. XO

I aspire to write a story as well as Hide/XO one day. I've read a lot of romance novels, Hide is by far my favorite. I had a feeling when you posted the warning for us to get tissues that the ending would be that way. I cried from start to finish. It was heart breaking, beautiful, and amazing. Thank you for writing such a beautiful love story. I'm glad I was able to be "here for it all." Xx

That was heartbreakingly beautiful. Thank you. Thank you so much for always making me feel with your writing.

its taken me 2 hours and 15 minutes to read that chapter. oh my god. i have never cried so much, ever. thank you for making hide, it truly is the best fanfic EVER. you are a beautiful writer. that chapter was amazing, but it was emotionally traumatising and i don't think i will ever be over it. i have been reading hide for years, so thank you for sticking with it and making it beautiful from start to end♡♡♡

Thats a chaptet that im never going to be able to re-read, but it was a beautiful, heartaching and overwhelming end to this amazing world that you created with Avery and Harry. Its been 40 minutes that i read it and im still tearing up thinking about it. Thank you so much for sharing this amazing love with us and, though it was a bitter sweet goodbye, it was filled with everything that made Avery and Harry. Its been a pleasure Bee.

I have no words except thank you. Thank you for writing a beautiful story and thank you for giving it a beautiful ending (even if it did rip my heart out). I cried so much that I had to stop at some points so I could wipe my eyes to read. You are a very talented writer and I am so thankful that you shared your gift.

Just wanted to thank you for writing Hide. I've been here from the beginning and I've absolutely loved it. I cried and cried during the last chapter, I feel a real loss. But it's been lovely and you're a fantastic writer. Thank you for sharing your gift with us <3

I followed you when you had just finished up CDB. Have been here with hide since the beginning. I think I started following in high school. I'm finishing up college soon! It's been a wild ride. So dope of you to share this story with us.

I cried the entire time reading this chapter. Even the smutty scenes. HOLY SHIT. Bravo!

Jesus, that was possibly the most heartbreaking thing I've ever read. Part of me is so mad that this is their end. Like, they were meant to have it all. I was crying through the whole piece bc I knew that not only was this the end of Avery and Harry but it was THE END of Avery and Harry. I'm just so sad for them. It was a brilliant piece of writing and I can only imagine how you felt writing it. I shall miss them very much. Thank you for giving them to us ❤️

I am heartbroken absolutely heartbroken. I am actually crying. You are phenomenal your writing is literally making me cry. I have been following you since you started writing Hide and I've loved watching you grow as a person through it and I feel I've grown up through the time this fic was written and became an adult. So it's really interesting to read this as an adult when I first started reading this as a teenager. Wow a complete round of applause to you. You wrote Harry and Avery so perfectly

I've been reading your story for 2 years already? When I found out you had a dry run I tried my best to send you positive messages. You not updating was never an issue then I saw your note that you're finally ending Harry and Avery's story and I don't know what to feel, but one thing is for sure I want to say thank you for everything. All the emotions you've made us feel as your readers I'll always love your stories! I'll even name my daughter Avery! Here for it all? Always. Thank you.

Your the only writer I've come across where you write Harry as I see Harry and it makes your stories that much more better, believable and relatable. I hope you work through your writing dilemmas because your talent shouldn't go to waste.

I just wanted to say I love your writing, and you are so talented. I had a really tough school year and between a lot of school work and friend troubles and it was really rough. Your writing has always been such a bright spot and a great distraction. I hope you feel better and know that so many people (who've never even met you) love you and care about you. Sending hugs from Boston❤️❤️❤️.

The entire time I was reading Hide, I could help but think "Harry would definitely do that" or "That is such a Harry thing". Even though I don't personally know Harry, your Harry in Hide reminds me of real Harry more than other fanfics I have read. He is goofy, carefree, sweet and an all around good person with his sarcasm and dry sense of humour. Well done. I supposed this comes from observing him for 7 year.

I would just like to say how much I love your writing and it will always hold a special place in my heart. I loved reading harry and averys beautiful story. And although it's fictional I feel as if I truly know them and I'm proud of how far they've come. It's bittersweet that their story is coming to an end as well as your time writing fanfiction. I hope in the future you continue to write, even if just for yourself, because you truly have a gift and your characters have such depth My friend and I came across your fics a few years ago and truly fell in love with your stories. We actually started telling each other "here for it all" and it became a special saying that had a deep love and meaning behind. My friend actually got it as tattoo. I'm not as daring but those words,your words, mean a lot as well as your stories. It has been an honor and privilege to read your writing. All the best to you. Excited for the last bit of havery's story. Here for it all ❤️

You are 1D of a fanfiction. Your work is the best fanfic I have read hands down. With all due respect to other amazing writers on here, you are in a completely different category. Your story about harry and avery feels real and raw and every single time I read it( and trust me I read it over and over again), it's like getting to know them and their story all over again. It's a perfection for me as a reader. So thank you

It's so bittersweet because I followed Hide since the beginning when you still had your old blog. I absolutely loved the new shot and the entire XO Series. Although I'll miss Harry & Avery, you've more than done their story justice. You should be really proud Bee! I know you've had ups and downs with this fandom but thank you for finishing Hide and thank you for everything else xxx

I never have the right words to express how your writing makes me feel. I can't even tell you the exact number of times I read Hide series. The warmth, the kindness, the rawness and realness in your writing is beyond words. I don't even know ATM if those are real words. You render me spachless and for that I thank you. This is supposed to be just a fanfic but you made it into something real and very touching. Cheers love and once again thank you for sharing your amazing writing

I’ve been trying to figure out what to say since finishing Hide. The problem is, words can’t explain what you’ve done. My mom passed away from breast cancer when she was 44. Far too young to have experienced that, while all of Hide has been incredible. The way you chose to end their story was fantastic. It was real. The way harry was written in the last part reminded me so fully of my dad and how he felt after losing his wife and having to raise kids on his own, a life he loved but did not expect. You did Avery and Harry so much justice and the way I feel about this story and how you’ve written it is inexplicable. Thank you. And you better publish something some day, the world deserves to see you’re writing. I hope you had fun last night (I was there too!) it was incredible. God bless that beautiful boy and his ability to bring out the best in people. Keep doin you, Bee! Xo

I just wanted to tell you how much the story you have created means to me. I have been in love with the idea of Avery and Harry for such a long time, I can't even remember for how long. I loved coming to your tumblr to see new chapter, I loved that you have showed me that true love can really exist, I loved everything about it. It isn't just a fanfiction about Harry, it's an amazing story that can easly be published and I'm sure it would have been a bestseller. I don't remember how I found your tumblr, but I can't describe how happy it made me. As I'm writing this I'm sobbing uncontrollably. The last shot was just too much. It felt like I was really saying goodbye to Avery. It was a sad, but a perfect ending to an amazing story, that I probably would re-read 100 times more. Thank you for creating Hide, Thank you for everything.

I am crying so much. I can't, it was beautiful. I didn't expect it but it just made me want a love like theirs, I know it's fiction but that's the love you made them have, is/was gorgeous. You did amazing with this story 👏🏻

Thank you so much for sharing Harry's and Avery's story. I'm in tears while typing this message. I almost couldn't finish because that would mean the end. It's been more and more difficult to find stories and books that I can be 100% invested in. Your story has made me feel every emotion under the sun and I can't thank you enough for this experience. Everything was beautifully written from start to finish. I've been following your blog for quite some time now and know you've struggled writing their story so thank you again for not giving up on them and yourself. You really are a fantastic writer. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Hello! I've been a long time ghost reader but I just finished the last installment of Harry and Avery. I just...it's been a while since I've cried from a story. The whole story has taken me on such a roller coaster but I loved every second of it. Being able to be apart of their development and growth, both individually and together, has been a privilege. The way you write them is incredible and I'm in such awe of you. There aren't enough words to describe how in love I am with Hide, XO, and the last 4 seasons (if I'm missing any installments i'm sorry). Your other stories...oh don't even get me started on your shorter fics cause I won't shut up about em!

I have never sobbed harder in my lifeI really want to hate you. I want to hate you so badly. But this was amazing and perfect and incredible. I'm wholly heartbroken.

I haven't stopped crying and this is all your fault haha I'm a sophomore in college and I first started reading this my sophomore year of high school. Some of my friends know of this story. You won't believe me if I say this but I always felt like Avery would die young...? She lived too much and so fast. She had this larger than life love and this grand and luxurious life and compared to how her life was before it's a huge contrast. She lived a life that is very respectful as well. I'm just sad because the way you ended this hurts a lot. I guess deep down I knew it wasn't going to be a fairly tale ending for these two but that is what you gave them and I respect you for it. I wonder if you cried as well during this because This must have been a very emotional journey for you. Thank you once again for sharing this with us. My favorite love story will be these two. Warm hugs and kisses to you dear

Not going to lie, I was upset at first when I read you were killing off Avery because I love her so. But, it was perfect. I'm still ugly crying. Thank you! I don't think I can say it enough. I may need to go and read it again for the 12th time. And that's not exaggeration. Love these two and this story!

Hey Bee! Just wanted to say thank you for Hide and XO. I discovered your writing at a not so great time in my life. And for a  long time, it was what I looked forward to every week. Harry and Avery hold a special place in my heart. It might sound weird, but I sometimes think of naming my nonexistent daughter Avery cause the name reminds me of good times. I've never cried so much during a fanfic as I did the last part of XO. It was absolutely beautiful. Thank you for writing it. I know it wasn't always easy, and I appreciate every word you put into it. Thank you. 

jesus christ i sobbed the entire way through that ending, it was a beautiful story and a perfect way to complete something you worked so hard on. thanks for sharing such a wonderful story 😊

wowowow I have never cried so much while reading a fic. the entire series has been incredibly amazing and beautifully written. thank you so so much for continuing the story through all these years and every up and down. here for it all💜💜