#when I first saw that it was devastating. but also wasn’t sure what to feel if that’s how she’s gone from the story

[velvetjune]

Spoilers for Alan Wake/Control games and DLCs: one of the things I really like in Alan Wake 2 is the confirmation that, no, Alan can’t create something out of nothing. There were implications in-story that supported that, but it was good to have that be a big part in the sequel. The AWE control dlc easily made it seem like Alan himself had a role in the events of the game and the formation of the FBC, and, personally, seeing it through that lens cheapened a lot of the game and Jesse’s story. Instead, having his writing influence the Hiss and try to manipulate (even out of desperation) Jesse/the FBC to end Hartman and get help, fit right into plot and conflicts of Alan Wake 2, with Alan being sympathetic, but also an asshole for trying to change and control people’s lives in his writing.

[penny00dreadful]

STWG Prompt: I Couldn't Lose You

Happy birthday @hitlikehammers, you deserve the world!

AO3

“He’s dead.”

Something must have been wrong with his brain. Maybe all those hits to the head had finally caught up with him. Maybe his audio processing was fucked or he was hearing things.

He had to be.

Because there was no way in hell this doctor just told him Eddie was dead.

“He’s what?” Steve asked with a slight shake of the head, like that would dislodge whatever was making him hear this incorrectly.

“He’s dead, Mr. Harrington.” The doctor repeated, his fingers tensing around his clipboard.

Steve could feel the crease in his brow, his confusion was probably plain all over his face. 

It didn’t make any sense.

“How could he be dead? He can’t be dead.” He replied. “I only just saw him.”

There was no devastation, no heartbreak, no clawing grief and no screaming agony. 

Because it didn’t make any sense.

The doctor looked on in sympathy. “Mr. Munson took a very quick turn-”

“A turn of what?” Wayne snapped, his arms crossed over his chest, glaring at this ‘doctor’. “How did he turn?”

Steve glanced behind the doctor to look into Eddie’s hospital room again. The empty bed, the crisp sheets, the quiet monitors. Flowers gone. Cards gone. Eddie’s stuff sitting in a chair near the door.

It was almost like he’d never been in there.

When did they have the time?

Steve and Wayne had only left his side for ten minutes. It was the first time Eddie had been left alone since he came into the hospital, half dead and bitten to hell.

And Steve and Wayne had come back to find a doctor waiting for them by the door.

A doctor that Steve didn’t recognise. In a town with less than 5,000 people.

“His fever got quite high-”

Wayne scoffed. “Eddie didn’t have no fever.”

“Sir.” The doctor sighed out, frustrated. “Your nephew was very sick. And gravely injured. Situations like these can turn fast.”

Steve and Wayne glanced at each other, the both of them seeing the same suspicion reflected in each other's face.

There had been no alert over the PA system. The nurses station hadn’t been scrambled. If Eddie had taken a sudden turn, if Eddie had died… a young twenty year old suddenly dropping dead would have had half the floor flooding in trying to save him.

Not to mention Steve was pretty sure that doctor, if he was even really a doctor, was breaking the Hippocratic Oath by telling him this information.

Steve wasn’t family, he had no right to that information. The doctor hadn’t even asked Wayne before he started talking, he just started talking.

Steve could be anybody. 

Something super fucked up was going on. They needed to find Eddie and they needed to find him fast. 

“I understand this must be very hard for you.” The doctor said with a solemn face. It was very convincing. He must have gone to acting school. “Would you like to see him?”

Steve’s mind screeched to a halt again.

“Excuse me?”

“He’s down in the morgue.”

Bullshit he’s down in the morgue. But Wayne’s face was remaining hard and with one curt nod, he began to follow the doctor down the hallway.

It only took a glance back for him to communicate that he wanted Steve to follow him, to come with them. Either as backup or as emotional support if it did turn out that Eddie was dead.

Which it wouldn’t.

Because it couldn’t.

Because he wasn’t fucking dead.

Steve also really didn’t like the idea of leaving this floor unmonitored. He just felt… there was something in the back of his head telling him that he needed to keep eyes up here.

As they approached the nurses station and by extension, the elevators, his saving grace turned the corner.

“Just one second.” Steve said to the two of them. “I need to talk to my girlfriend.” 

Wayne snapped his head over to him and when Steve nodded in Robin’s direction there was a moment of complete and utter bewilderment on his face before he masked it.

With a small nod, he sent Steve off and Steve could see all of the questions running through Wayne’s eyes but he didn’t have time. 

Robin’s eyes got wider and wider as he approached, opening his arms up for a hug and a weary, “Hey baby” before he pulled her into him, turning them so her back was to the doctor.

“Code Red. Eddie’s missing.” He whispered into her hair, keeping his nose buried into her neck to hide the movements of his lips. “They say he’s dead. We’re going down to the morgue. I need eyes up here.”

He just fucking hoped she’d be able to keep a straight face, that she’d get it, that she’d go along. 

Though he should have never doubted. 

Not for one second.

Robin was silent only for a moment before she ran a hand up and down his back with a little sombre nod. “Remember. Will’s body was found in the Quarry.” She whispered back.

Steve didn’t have time to figure that one out, Robin was untangling herself from him with a sad smile.

“I’m so sorry, honey. I’ll tell the kids.” 

She turned his head to kiss him on the cheek and then gave him a light push back towards Wayne.

Steve leaned against the elevator wall and he stared down at the floor. The three of them were carried down in silence, but Steve’s mind was whirring.

Was Robin suggesting there might be a body down there?

A fake Eddie? Made to look dead?

But how could he tell? How would he be able to tell?

From what he’d heard, Will’s fake body was like a clone of him. Hopper had only been able to find out it wasn’t actually him by cutting into him.

There was no way he’d be able to get close enough to cut in. He probably wouldn’t even be allowed to touch. They might try to keep him at a distance. 

And there was no way to warn Wayne about what might be coming. 

The doors dinged open and Steve was out of time. 

Down another hallway and through another set of metal doors, there was already a gurney out in the centre of the room covered in a white sheet, the shape of a body clear as day underneath, like they had been expecting them.

Despite, despite Steve knowing in his bones that that wasn’t Eddie. That that wasn’t his boy under there, the sight still sent his heart lurching.

He could feel the apprehension crawling through his skin and he almost asked them not to show him.

There were two doctors standing by the doors, almost like sentries, big and bulky. Their lab coats were too small on them and they were watching Steve and Wayne like a pair of bouncers.

The doctor they had travelled down with looked to Wayne and with his nod of approval, pulled the top of the sheet back.

Dark curly brown hair spilled over the side of the table. Skin so pale it was almost white in death glared across at them and it was Eddie.

It looked… it looked just like him. 

Wayne took a shuddering breath in, took a step closer and was stopped by a hand on the shoulder.

“Hey man.” Steve snapped, far too loud in the cold metal room, unable to keep his own emotions out of his voice. Because what if he had been wrong? “That’s his family. Get your fucking hands off him.”

The ‘doctor’ holding Wayne back glared at Steve like he was ready to disappear him under a black bag. 

“It’s alright son-”

“No, it is not alright.” If Steve needed to create a scene to get them their way, then Steve was going to create a fucking scene. “Do you know who my father is?” He asked, all but sticking his nose up in the air.

The corner of Wayne’s mouth ticked up ever so slightly. It made Steve’s skin crawl to invoke the status of a man he couldn’t fucking stand, but he needed to do something.

Steve wrenched the doctor's hand from Wayne’s shoulder and he wouldn’t be surprised if he got punched in the face for it, he was almost expecting it but the doctor who had led them down here spoke up.

“It’s- it’s okay, Vince.” He said, a little panicked, like he hadn’t really planned this far ahead and didn’t really know what to do in the face of Steve’s tantrum.

Wayne seized upon the opportunity to take a step closer and Steve followed in his shadow.

He had to know. 

He had to know if that was really his baby lying on that cold and impersonal gurney.

Steve turned his back on the two guards and while the doctor they had come down with watched Wayne like a hawk as he reached a hand out to brush Eddie’s hair away from his face, Steve took his opportunity.

He kept his movements out of sight of the guards behind him, and kept them small enough so they wouldn’t draw the eye of the other doctor in front of him. 

He slipped one of Eddie’s fingers into his hand through the sheet and twisted.

It went easily. Twisting around on itself without any resistance. 

There was no bone in there.

It was like it was just full of cotton.

It wasn’t Eddie.

It wasn’t Eddie.

Steve closed his eyes and felt the tension drain out of him.

But then he heard a sniffle to his left. 

Wayne.

Fuck, how was he gonna tell him?

How was he gonna get him out of this room so they could go find his boy?

They were running out of time.

“I have to go tell the kids.” Steve muttered, with as much sympathy as he could. 

Wayne looked at him, his watery eyes searching, almost offended that Steve wasn’t more upset until it seemed to hit him that there was a reason for it. 

Wayne searched his eyes again, asking a million, million questions, but he must have eventually settled on some kind of trust because he gave Steve a short nod before looking back down at the fake body, his gaze a little angrier than it had been.

Steve didn’t waste a second, couldn’t waste a second.

He turned and left the room as calmly as possible but as soon as he was out of sight of the guards, he ran as fast as possible without creating too much noise.

The ride on the elevator back up to Eddie’s floor was excruciatingly slow, everything was taking too long. Why was everything taking so long?

Eddie had to still be in the building somewhere.

They wouldn’t have had the time to take him out of the hospital completely, they would have needed the people, they would have needed to be sure no one saw them move him down to the ground floor.

The elevator dinged and the doors had barely started to open before Robin threw herself in, furiously jabbing at the button to take them back down.

“Rob, what the-”

“Lucas saw an ambulance pull into the ambulance bay from the wrong direction and it looks brand new, not like any of our usual rust buckets. Jonathan’s got the car running with Argyle standing by. Dustin and Mike think they’ve found the room he’s being held in downstairs but it’s locked.”

“Not for long it’s not.” Steve growled and Robin grinned at him.

“Thought you’d say that.” She plunged her hand into her pocket and pulled out a handful of bobby pins. Steve was forever finding them lying around his car, she always had some on her.

“Perfect,” he said, taking them from her.

“I can’t believe this is how you’re finally gonna use the lockpicking skills Eddie taught you.”

“I can. It sounds like something out of one of his stories.”

Robin snorted and the doors opened. 

The hallway was thankfully deserted, except for Mike, standing at the end and waving them forward.

Steve and Robin followed him through the corridors until they ended up just outside the Ambulance Bay, Dustin hovering next to a closed door.

“In here, in here!”

“How do you know?”

“A nurse was talking to a janitor about why it was locked. He told her there were some chemicals being stored in there but you can’t store chemicals out here, there’s too many temperature variables and the weather-”

“That’s all we have to go off of?” Steve cut him off, but even so he still dropped to his knees and started to fit the pins into the lock.

“He’s in there, Steve. I know it. What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? Stop distracting me.”

“How do you know how to do that?”

“Enough questions, Roast Beef.” Robin pulled the brim of his hat down but then looked around and asked, “Where are the guards? Shouldn’t there be guards?”

“Erica had a seizure.”

“Erica had a what?!” Steve practically shouted, nearly losing his grip.

“Not a real one, obviously.” Mike sniffed. “But the guards were dressed as ambulance guys-”

“Ambulance guys.” Robin muttered.

“Yes. Ambulance guys and so they had to help. We screamed at them to help.”

Steve drowned them out, focusing all his attention on getting this fucking lock open. If it didn’t open in the next five seconds he was gonna break the fucking door down- 

He felt the lock catch and with a quick turn to the side, the door gave a little creak as it opened ever so slightly.

Steve was barely on his feet again before he burst into the room, being met with cold concrete and steel shelves and a hospital bed awkwardly wedged in between them all, no monitors, no tubes, nothing but a pale body lying in a thin hospital gown.

“Eddie.” Steve called, making his way across in less than two steps, bending down to scoop him up. He was fucking freezing and knocked out completely. “Eds?” 

He shook him just a little, hoping to get him to stir but Eddie didn’t stir, his head lolled against Steve’s arm and he was just dead weight. 

At least he was breathing.

“Is he okay?”

“Why isn’t he waking up?”

“Did they sedate him?”

He shoved his way out of the room, ignoring Dustin and Mike’s questions. 

“Where’s Jon parked?” He asked Robin, already heading towards the Ambulance Bay doors. “Can you take care of-” 

“We’ll get Wayne, we’ll get everyone else. He’s just around the corner.” Robin’s eyes went wide at the sound of footsteps running towards them. “Go!”

Steve took off. 

He’d thank Robin later, he owed her his life.

He clutched Eddie tight to him, shielding him, curved over him and nearly tripping over himself when he heard a door slam somewhere behind him and shouting echoing around him.

But then he saw the car.

Jonathan was behind the wheel and as soon as Steve turned the corner he started revving the engine, while Argyle threw the back door open, twisting over the passenger seat to get to it.

It was a little less than graceful, stuffing Eddie into the back seat and practically falling in on top of him as Jonathan took off, tearing out of the hospital with the door still open and Steve’s legs still hanging out. 

But they got away. 

They’d made it away.

For now.

Steve was able to pull himself fully inside, slamming the door closed behind him and cradling Eddie into his lap.

“Where am I going?!” Jonathan shouted back at him, one eye on the road, one eye in the rearview mirror.

There was no one following them so far.

“I don’t know! I don’t- The cabin!” Steve shouted back. “Get us to Hopper's cabin!”

“This is fuckin’ wild, dude.” Argyle whooped. “Born free!”

Eddie let out a soft little noise, rubbing his face into Steve’s shoulder and curling in on himself. His skin still felt like ice under Steve’s fingers.

“Stevie?”

Steve looked down at him, surrounding him as much as he could, rubbing up and down his arms trying to bring some warmth back in. “Yeah, it’s me baby. I’ve got you, it’s okay.”

Eddie hummed against his neck. 

“They stole me.”

“And I stole you back.” He pressed his lips against Eddie’s forehead. “I’m not letting anyone or anything take you from me.”

“Sounds dangerous.”

“I don’t care. I couldn’t lose you. Not again. I couldn’t.”

Eddie grinned up at him. “You didn’t.”

“No,” Steve whispered back. “I didn’t.”

AO3

Big thanks as always to @hbyrde36 for her magnificent beta work and to the @strangerthingswritersguild for their motivation.

[outsideratheart]

Bees land on the prettiest flowers (Lia Wälti x reader)

A/N: A Lia fic? You’re just a surprised as I am. Also, 10 points to the first person that can tell what tv show a scene in the fic is from.

After the rush of the summer that was the World Cup and the devastation that came with crashing out the champions league before it even began, you found the air around Adidas' HQ in Germany quite refreshing. It would be your home for the next couple of weeks as you and the rest of the team focus on preparing for the upcoming season.

You had a plan this year, one which you was determined to follow if you stayed healthy. Something that wasn't part of this plan was Lia Walti. 

The swiss woman caught your eye the moment she step foot in Colney yet despite the encouragement you got from your team mates and the urge to ask her out, you couldn't, in fact you would go so far as to say you bailed at every opportunity. By the time you were ready it was too late because she started dating Caitlin and you knew you couldn't let your selfishness get in the way of her happiness. It’s why you put Lia in the what if box in your head and sealed it shut. Only now the light started to shine through the box and the reason for that was because Lia and Caitlin had broken up.

It seemed that the higher powers had given you another chance but a lot had changed over the past couple of years. You and your heart wasn't the same and you weren't sure if you were ready to care about someone on a deep level.

A knock on the door brought you out of your daydreaming and as you opened it you saw Lia stood on the other side with a nervous expression on her face.

"Hello you, come in" you step aside allowing enough space for the Swiss to enter.

"Actually I was hoping you'd come out"

You both knew what she meant but the way she phrased it causes you both to burst into laughter. Once you both catch you breath Lia rephrases her sentence.

"Would you like to go for a walk with me?" Lia asks still standing on the threshold.

Her intentions wasn’t clear but you couldn’t turn down one on one time with her. The feelings that you once felt were still there, they were simply buried down deep. 

“Sure, let me grab a hoodie and we’ll go”

“There’s no need for a hoodie. I haven’t got one” 

That she hadn’t. Lia was dress is a pair of sweatshorts and a tank top. If her attire was anything to go by then it was a nice evening outside. 

The weather was perfect. Not too warm but not too hot. The sky was pink but turning into a burnt orange and here you were with one of the most beautiful girls you have ever met. It made you wonder what you did in your past life that allowed to have a moment like this. 

You walked past the pool saying hi the players that were watching a movie. Those on the loungers knew better than to tease you so they left you be but made a mental note to ask you about it later. 

You knew Lia well almost too well because as you walked you saw her chest rise and fall but it would hitch before it falls, she was hesitating. Another tell of this was the way she opened and closed her mouth unaware that you could see the action out the corner of your eye. 

It is when you walked through the perfectly maintained garden area that you decide to confront her about it. You could smell the fresh roses and you got distracted by the bright colours of each flower but it only lasted a second then your attention returns to Lia. 

“What going on that head of yours?” You ask as you both stand admiring the lilies.  

Lia is about to respond but the buzzing of a bee causes you to freeze. Your heartbeat doubles in pace as you watch the yellow and black insect land on her exposed chest. 

“Don’t move. Stand still” you beg her. 

“Y/N, what are you doing?” 

Lia follows your eyes which are fixed on her chest. There she sees the reason for you concern yet she doesn’t have the same response. This alone lets her swat away the bee with no hesitation. 

“No! Don’t do that” the desperation in your voice and the panic in your eyes scares Lia more than the possibility of a bee sting. 

“It’s only a bee” 

Lia’s actions had clearly agitated the insect and you hear a buzz at a high volume before it flew away. 

“Ow” Lia says calmly.

“Are you ok? Can you breathe?” You asked her but it was your shortness of breathe that was an issue. 

“It’s only a sting”

“Are you sure?”

Fear consumes you as memories of the past flood your mind. Your chest feels like it’s on fire and you try and fail to bring your breathing back to a steady pace. 

Lia can tell immediately that something is very wrong. In hopes of calming you down she takes your hand and holds it over the sting on her chest. She then takes her own hand holds it over your chest. It forms a connection between the two of you. 

“I’m ok Y/N. It’s just a bee”

“Don’t say that!” Your concern was replaced with anger because Lia refused to see the severity of the situation “go get checked out by the doctor. Now” 

You felt helpless and you knew you were no longer in control of your emotions. You needed to leave even if your heart wanted to stay with Lia. 

The Swiss had no option other than to watch you walk away. She wanted to go after you but your words are loud in her head. She knew it was best for her to go see the team doctor.  

As she walked back into the facility, Lia tried to make sense of your reaction. Never had she seen you react like that and even though she saw it first hand she could believe it herself. 

“Did you enjoy your date?” Beth teases. 

“It wasn’t a date. I just wanted some alone time with Y/N” Lia corrects the blonde forward. 

“Isn’t that the definition of a date?” Jen adds. 

“It doesn’t matter now. She ran off and left me by the flower beds” 

This made no sense to anyone at the table especially the two blondes who you play with on the national team with. 

“What happened?” Leah asks. 

“We went for a walk and ended up in the gardens. I was nervous, she picked up on it and I thought she was going to ask me about it but then there was a bee and she freaked out. I think she was having a panic attack and it only got worse when it stung me” 

“You got stung by a bee while Y/N was next to you?” Beth asked. She made eye contact with Leah who nodded her head, the defender would go check on you whilst Beth made sure the Lia was ok. 

Leah stood in front of your door taking a couple of seconds to figure out how to handle the situation. She remembers the moment you showed up on her doorstep and went on to tell her that you had just experienced the worst day of your life. 

She used her room key given that you were sharing for the trip and the sight she is met with isn’t one she could prepare for. You are laid on your bed in a fetus position. Your eyes are dry but the puffiness in your face told Leah that you had been crying. 

“Y/N” she speaks in a hushed tone. 

“Lia’s going to die, isn’t she?” 

To anyone outside your immediate family that which included a handful of your England team mates, they would have called you dramatic. Leah was one of the select few which understand why your mind went to worse case scenario. 

“She’s fine”

“I thought my dad was fine next thing I know I had these two fingers on his neck trying to find a pulse” you hold up middle and index finger. 

“Y/N what happened to your dad was devastating. Nobody knew he was allergic”

“And you don’t know that Lia isn’t. I was the reason my dad died and now I’m going to be the reason she dies”

“It’s wasn’t your fault” Leah sit nexts to you on the bed “As for Lia, she is ok. She came back in to us and was going to see the doctor. Something that I’m guessing was your idea” 

You nod your head. Your worrying stopped for a mere second knowing that Lia had listened to you and was hopefully getting the help she needed. 

“Y/N you like Lia and have done for a while. You told her to go see the doctor but didn’t go with her, why?” 

“I didn’t want to see her in pain” 

“She isn’t in pain. Come with me and I’ll show you. We don’t have to talk to anyone but you need to see with your own eyes that she is ok”

Reluctantly, you agree and follow Leah through the halls of the HQ. Each step you take feels heavier than the last because in your mind you have seen how this story ends and you don’t want to see it, not again. So you took your time, you pretended to check in every room that you passed even though the blonde beside you knew exactly where the Swiss was.

Turns out Lia was in the exact same position as when Leah left her only now she has a white patch where the bee had stung her and she had some company. Out of the players one stood out to you; Caitlin.

You and Leah stood at the entry way. Just as Leah was about to walk towards the table you pulled her back.

“What? She’s fine, look” Leah tried to pull you towards your team mates despite her prior statement about not talking to anyone.

“She’s fine — with Caitlin” you could see Lia was ok but you couldn’t bring your self to watch her interact with the Aussie even if they were no longer together.

Knowing that Lia wasn’t going to face the same fate as your father lifted the crushing weight off your chest. You walked with no destination in mind. You didn’t want to go back to your room so you settle on a sun lounger by the pool. A staff member asking if you want to play the next movie the team had lined up and you saw no reason not to; a movie by the pool didn’t sound too bad.

Pitch perfect played but whilst your eyes were glued to the project screen, your mind felt like it was a million miles away. That is until you see a shadow cast over the lounger you were sitting on.

“Do you mind if I sit?” Lia asks.

You had chose a double lounger so you didn’t have an excuse not let her. 

“Ok” your voice is quiet and although you don’t turn to face her, you do pat the side next to you.

The two of you watch the movie. The only sound to be heard is when you both laugh at the same part.

“Are you really ok?” You ask, still with your eyes on the screen.

“I am. Thank you for making me getting checked out, I wish you would have come with me”

When you turn you see that Lia is already looking in your direction.

“I — I”

“You were mad at me” Lia thinks she is finishing your sentence and but you been mad at her wasn’t the issue.

“I was scared” you take a pause because you know the only way for Lia to understand your reaction is for you to explain why seeing her get stung by a bee worried you so much “My dad was stung by a bee”

“And he was ok” Lia said, always the optimist.

“He went into anaphylactic shock. I didn’t know what to do and by the time I did it was too late. He died in the botanical gardens near my house”

“Y/N I didn’t know. Is that why you panicked? Because you thought the same thing that happened to your dad was going to happen to me?”

You can only nod. The admission itself brings back the worry that you had only just managed to settle. 

In a similar way to how she did in the gardens, Lia reaches for your hand and places it over the patch. She pulls it a little so that you weight shift and your head in now resting on her shoulder.

“I’m ok. I went to the doctor, he asked me a couple of questions, cleaned the sting and gave me the all clear”

Silence yet again becomes the third wheel to the movie night you are Lia are accidentally having.

“I don’t want to lose you. It’s already happened once and now I’m just getting you back” you admit.

“Y/N I’m not going anywhere. There’s a reason why I wanted to take a walk with you, why I wanted to spend time with you and only you”

“Because you want us to be friends, like we were before”

“I never wanted us to be friends. Life got in the way and I spent too much time loving the wrong person when I knew she wasn’t the one I wanted to be with”

You knew what she was insinuating, the context wasn’t hard to decrypt. 

“Am I that one?” You needed to hear her say it so that you knew this moment wasn’t a dream.

“You are but I know now more than ever that your heart is still healing so we’ll go at your pace”

How do you reply to that without opening an emotional can of worms? After thinking for a few seconds you decide not to say anything at all. Instead you turn deeper into her so that your head is resting on her chest, close enough so that you can hear her heart beat, her healthy heart beat. 

[fanofstuff02]

Ii… Know I said I’ll post the next chapter of Adamsapple x Chaggie yesterday but I remembered one idea I had and worked on it. I’m sorry :< I’ll post it I promise.

The thing I worked on on the other hand… It’s an one shot inspired from this ask on @rius-cave ‘s account (read it from here) where an anon suggested the idea of Lucifer and Adam fighting so bad that Adam ends up in Angel’s room crying.

Enjoy! (Also would you mind if I tagged you @things-arent-what-they-seem66 and @talesfromawannabejournalist ?)

Angel was getting ready to sleep when he heard a slight knock on his door, like the person behind it was doubting their decision to come here.

“I don’t know who you are but you better have a good fucking reason to be here this late.” He said to the door.

“Angel? Can I come in?” Someone spoke with a shaky voice.

Adam.

He opened the door, only to be met with a devastated sight of his friend. He looked like someone stole something from him. Heck, he must’ve been seriously off, he wasn’t even hiding his third eye on his forehead.

“Woah, what happened big guy?”

I was wondering if I could stay here tonight.?”

“Sure, but why?” Angel said, letting him in.

“Lucifer can’t come here unless you allow him to right?” He leaned against a wall, taking his head in his hands.

“Yeah, I guess..” So he did something…

“Let’s get you a beanbag..” He muttered to himself, walked to his closet but stopped when he heard a sob coming behind him.

The sinner, curled up in a ball with his wings wrapped around him, was crying silently. He sat down beside him quickly and began rubbing circles to his back.

“Hey… It’s okay. You don’t have to hide yourself. Let it out.”

“I-I can’t cry..” He was shaking. Fucking shaking.

“What?! Of course you can, everyone can!”

“Not me! I’m the man, not the pussy!” His wings revealed him, he was trying desperately to end the tears with wiping them violently. “I can’t let feelings-“

“Hey.” He held his wrists and hugged him. “I told you to let it out.”

That did it. He didn’t care anymore. He cried loudly to his chest. His tears were colder than anyone could ever have.

They stayed in the same position for a while, Angel awkwardly patting his back as he thought of what to do. Sure, he could try to comfort him, but it’d probably make him feel worse. Maybe this’d be enough for the sinner?

Who the fuck was he kidding? He needed someone to do it properly. And he knew just who it was. He whistled quietly, and took his pet in his hands. Adam let go of the hug and looked at who came.

“As much as I’d like to make you feel better, I suck at it Ad. But, I have someone else. Would you like to hug Nuggets?” He held him to Adam, and the upset demon took him. He licked his face softly, getting a chuckle and a hiccup from him. He hugged him tightly. He seemed a bit calmer but there were still lots of tears coming out of his eyes. Angel put a hand on his shoulder.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened, but if you want to, I’m here.”

———

Lucifer walked down at the hallway, going to Angel Dust’s room. He was looking for a certain demon, and Charlie suggested he should go and check Angel Dust’s room. The spider and him had some sort of a friendship after all.

He needed to apologize. No, more than apologize, he probably needed to get him his favorite meal, take him to a rock concert and shit like that. He could do those later, but first he needed to see if he was okay and talk the things he said out.

There he was, standing at the doorstep. He knocked it softly, hoping he wasn’t waking the pornstar up.

A tired Angel opened the door, but his attitude completely changed when he saw the King of Hell. He was looking at him with ice-cold eyes, and they also held a little bit… Anger?

“What can I do for you Your Highness?” He said simply, wanting the King to go away. Adam didn’t need him at this moment.

“Uhh, Is Adam here?” He said, trying to look inside the room. But Angel just spawned two extra arms to block the view, standing infront of the short guy.

“Yes he is. But he is sleeping. I suggest you to come at the morning. It’s the middle of the night right now.”

“I see, but can I please at least see hi-“

“No. No you can’t.”

“But you just told me he was-?”

“Yes, he is. He fell asleep while crying because of you. And I doubt that he wants the person, who made him pour his fucking heart to me, near him even if he is sleeping. So why don't you just leave him alone, like everyone else did. After all,” He placed his finger on Lucifer’s chest, near his heart. That's what he deserves, right Your Highness?”

“Come on Angel, I didn’t mean it! I wasn’t thinking when I-”

“That’s always what they say.” He hmphed. “If you seriously want the better of him, then go the fuck away. And come back, when you see him more than a toy or a pet you can play around and threw away when you get bored. Good night, Lucifer.” He shut the door in his face.

Lucifer backed away, looking at the door shocked.

Adam, who hated crying and showing ‘girly’ emotions, poured his heart out to another demon, because of what he said?

This wasn’t right. Right, they were having an argument, and sure, maybe it got a little out of hand, but… But it couldn’t hurt Adam that much.

Right?

—

Angel leaned against the door. God, he wasn’t going to deny he was quite surprised how he could find the courage to do this, but he knew Lucifer wouldn’t dare hurt Charlie’s clients.

Well, he is the wrong one after all. He peeked at his bed, where the demon he wanted to see was. Fat Nuggets was lying and probably sleeping near him, like he wanted to be there just in case he’d wake up crying again. Sometimes Angel could swore he was a literal angel.

He groaned, he needed a few things or atleast a glass of water, but he also didn’t wanted to leave Adam alone.

It’ll be quick. Just five minutes. He got up and opened the door, checking for Lucifer. When he couldn’t see him, he rushed to the kitchen.

Lucifer waited for him to dissapear from the curtain he was hiding in, and sneaked to his room. He hoped the magic wouldn’t work since Angel wasn’t in his room.

It didn’t.

Oh but how much Lucifer would want it to do.

Adam was there, in Angel’s bed, sleeping with the pig-pet near him. Looking horrible. His cheeks were puffy red, and still wet. His hair was messed up, his other eye wasn’t hidden like it mostly was, one of his horns looked like it had a missing piece, and so many few more details formed the broken man infront of him. But worst of all, even though he was sleeping, he looked more like he just passed out.

He was hurt.

He was hurt because of him.

He did this.

He absentmindedly tried to placed a hand on his, but his hand stopped when he heard someone behind.

“Ahem. I believe I told you to, GO. THE. FUCK. AWAY.” Angel Dust whisper-yelled, as Lucifer refused to let go of Adam’s side.

“I can’t leave him like thi-“

“Oh but you said you should, right? THEN DO IT! I am not allowing you here!”

The king felt the command grip his throat. He walked out of the room and stood at the entrance. The sinner was now straight up angry, and he didn’t seemed to care Lucifer was superior to him.

“Angel, I-” He faced a door again, the spider didn’t even had something to say to him.

He sat down at the entrance. If he had to wait for the morning then he’d do it.

He needed to clean up his own mess.

————

This was supposed to be a little one shot help-

Should I make a sequel?

[literallykenmaandshoyo]

What About Me?

Peter Parker x Female Reader!

Warnings: Angst. Reader is upset because Peter is off being busy as Spider-Man and he's stood her up one too many times for her liking

Word Count: 1.6k

Author's Note: Guys this is my first Peter Parker drabble! YAY!~ I absolutely adore Peter and I wrote this one up earlier tonight and figured it'd be good to share! I hope you all love it, I'm so used to writing fluff that sometimes I forget that writing angst is really good too! Let me know if you have any feedback or requests by sending in an ask, and remember to request Mod Shoyo to be specific! Have a great night (Or morning) everyone!

Also, PicsArt doesn't have the same scrabble letter thingies that Kenma and I have been using for our headers so this one is just a major WTF. Sorry if this looks ugly lol :,)

~Mod Shoyo <3

Y/N sat by her bedroom window, overlooking all of Queens from the seventh floor of her apartment building. Night had fallen and the stars were out, all of the buildings nearby had some office lights still on, people were probably still working, even at this ungodly hour.

That’s one thing that they had in common with her boyfriend Peter.

Being a web-slinging superhero was definitely not on Y/N's list of why Peter Parker could be so distant and just vanish all the time. However, when they first officially started dating, Peter took it upon himself to lay out all of his cards for her right then and there. Y/N was more than understanding and he thanked God for her every single day. Y/N knew that she said she’d be okay with the late nights and the canceled plans, that she’d be up waiting for him during late hours of the night just to make sure he came home safe.

But there was only so much she could take.

She stared down at her text messages with Peter. She asked him if he wanted to come and stay over at her apartment tonight since she’d been missing him a little extra these past couple days. Not only has Tony been working him to the bone, but the crime percentages in Queens seem to have only elevated since Peter would be out all night stopping robberies, saving people from getting mugged or kidnapped, the whole shebang. 

I’ll swing over in 10 love <3 11:45 p.m

Y/N looked at the top of her screen and saw that it was 1:57 in the morning. She knew that she got herself into this and she told herself that every time that he was late or had to cancel on her. It wasn’t his fault. Peter was just doing his job, what he signed up to do, so she couldn’t be mad at him. But who could she get mad at?

She looked like a lovesick puppy, just waiting at her window to see the red and blue suit that her boyfriend wore to come swinging over to her building. Tears were streaming down her face and she was making herself more upset by crying over something like this. She grabbed her phone off the windowsill and turned it off, chucking it into a random corner of her room and lying in her bed. She got under her throw blanket on top of her covers and threw it over her head. Her sniffles and soft sobs weren’t loud enough to wake anyone, but a small part of her wished that Peter would walk in and hear how devastated she was.

Being Peter’s girlfriend was a blessing. It was something like a mantra that she told herself every single morning when she woke up. She wanted to be the one he came home to, the one that would make all of his cuts and bruises better after she cleaned him up, she wanted to be the last woman he would ever love in his life. She wanted to be his. Forever. But being in a relationship didn’t always mean that Peter was the one she fussed over all the time. She was entitled to her own feelings and how she felt, and right now, she was sick and tired of waiting up for Peter.

As if right on cue, her bedroom window slid open and in crawled Peter. He was panting, short of breath as soon as he ripped his mask off his face. “I’m so sorry love, there was this guy in an alleyway that wouldn’t leave this group of middle schoolers alone and he-”

Peter stopped dead in his tracks as he looked at Y/N's shaking figure under her throw blanket. He raised an eyebrow and walked over to the bed, his ears picking up on the sounds of her soft sniffles and hiccups. He pulled the blanket off her head and saw her laying in the fetal position. Her hair was covering the side of her face and he couldn’t really see her expression, but he knew that she was upset. Obviously.

“Baby,...” Peter pushed her hair behind her ear and could see her puffy eyes and red nose. “Hey, hey, what’s the matter?”

Y/N sat up in bed and fixed her crazy hair, sniffling and wiping tears off of her cheeks with the sleeves of her shirt. She sputtered and tried to speak, but she didn’t even know what to tell him. Part of her wanted to be straight up and just tell him that this is the seventh time she’s been kept up waiting on him, but the other part of her knew it wasn’t his fault and that she was just upset because he’s been so busy. Just because she was always available for him, doesn’t mean that Peter was always at her dispense too, especially with what he does with his time.

“I…”

Peter waited for her to explain, but she just looked down at her lap and started to cry again. He felt awful and he was so clueless. He thought back to the last time she cried and remembered that she had lost a grandfather recently that she was close to. Maybe it was that. He grabbed her hand and held it in his tightly.

“Is this about your grandpa again, love?”

Y/N shook her head and pulled her hand away from his. Now Peter was really confused. He racked his brain trying to figure out what else it could be, but every single option he came up with just came to a dead end. Y/N couldn’t help but notice how hard he was trying to think, and she found it ironic. He was so intelligent, the smartest guy she’s ever known. Yet he’s so oblivious when it comes to the small things, she always thought that maybe his brain was so big, that the most simple of questions really took a couple of seconds for him to think about.

“I’m just tired, Peter.” She finally croaked.

Peter’s heart fell into his chest. His gaze met hers instantly and he felt his heart pounding in his chest. He always thought about how Y/N never deserved to be with someone like him, not when he has the whole Spider-Man thing going for him. It’s unfair to her. And he always felt like one day she’d get tired of it all, but he was praying to God out of his own selfishness, that today was not that day.

“This…” She hiccuped. “This is the seventh time that I’ve stayed up past what we agreed to see each other at just to see if maybe you needed a little more time to come home.”

Now Peter understood. 

“You said you’d only be ten minutes at 11:45 and it's two in the morning now, Peter.” Peter looked down at her hands and noticed that they were trembling. “It’s been so hard for me these past couple times to just tell myself this is what I signed up for. But I miss you so much while you’re gone.”

She broke down in tears again, sobbing into her hands. Her sobs and her hiccups were muffled, but that only made them louder in Peter’s head. She was right, in every way imaginable. He hadn’t been much of a boyfriend recently, only texting her about how much he loved and missed her, sending her a quick selfie while he was mid-swing from one crime to the next. He couldn’t even imagine how lonely she must feel within those gaps of time that he wasn’t messaging her.

“Baby, I- I’m so sorry,” Peter cooed. “I know that I’ve been really busy recently, and I-I can’t even think about how lonely you must feel every single time I do this,”

Y/N looked up from her hands and wiped the snot that was running down her nose. She could barely keep her puffy eyes open enough to look at him.

“Don’t ever tell yourself that this is what you signed up for ever again.” Peter scolded. “I asked you to be my girlfriend because I knew in my heart that I was ready to be your boyfriend. And I still believe that. I haven’t been giving you the attention that you deserve and that’s completely on me. Okay?”

Y/N stayed quiet, staring at him with her bloodshot eyes and a quivering lip. The scary part was over. She was never good with calling people out and telling them how what they’re doing affects her. She’d rather just forgive them and never have to talk about it again. But then, when it happens again, she just puts herself through an endless cycle.

“I just miss you…” Y/N sobbed, wrapping her arms around Peter.

She dug her nose into the crook of his neck, bringing her hands up to the back of his head to feel his hair in between her fingers. When Peter hugged her back, her entire body relaxed and she just let him hold her while she cried into his suit. Peter was rubbing her back comfortingly, whispering sweet things into her ears in between pressing kisses to the top of her head and her temples.

“I’ll do better for you, baby. I promise, okay?”

Y/N nodded. 

Peter felt himself getting choked up the entire time Y/N was crying in front of him. The lump in the back of his throat was almost unbearable to push his spit past whenever he swallowed. He held Y/N in his arms for a while longer before finally taking his suit off and changing into some pajamas. He crawled into bed with Y/N and held her once more, the sound of her heart beat finally calming down bringing a soft smile to his face. He kissed the top of her head once more and closed his eyes.

That night, he made a promise to himself.

A promise that she was never going to feel like this ever again.

[1-800anklebully]

Mood - Trent Alexander Arnold x black female reader part 3

Summary: In which you and Trent were sneaky links at one point in life and he got sick of you. You’ve now returned back to Liverpool and old feelings resurface.

Warnings: Angst, fluff, Asshole!Trent, swearing, smut if you squint a little, Toxic!Trent. And probably many things that I can’t think off the top of my head.

Excuse any errors.

“Trent don’t be rude, aren’t you going to greet Y/n properly.” His mother scolded him, stepping closer to mostly likely pinch some manners into him.

However he was smart and quick enough to know what her aim was so he bolted over to your side. He sent his brothers a vexed glanced before he glanced down at your 5’5 frame.

“Hello Y/n.” Trent says nonchalantly, no ounce of joy or excitement was in his tone which made you suppress the urge to roll your eyes.

His long arms pulled you into his chest and he hugged you, allowing you to get a sniff of his cologne which smelled wonderful.

You could’ve sworn that you could stay in his warm muscular arms forever if only he wasn’t such a jerk.

The hug lasted for a good 50 seconds until he cleared his throat moving away, and on your deceased pets life you saw a glimpse of his tanned face and his cheeks were flustered.

Before anyone could call him out on his rosy cheeks or how long the hug lasted. He had quickly blurted out the first thing on his mind.

Anything to just get the fixated attention of him. Trent felt all hot and bothered, since when was your backside big like that especially in that dress.

“Well the food is most certainly going to turn cold if we just stand here. Come on everyone.” Trent began ushering his family, into the dining area and they all followed wordlessly.

Accept for his brothers who glanced at each other snickering like little boys, at Trent’s antics.

“You were mesmerised by the bunda huh.” Marcel childishly remarked, stopping his journey to the kitchen area. Tyler also couldn’t help but smirk at his younger bothers face.

He got caught red handed and wanted to deny it. Respectfully, Y/n was a pretty girl and Tyler viewed her as a little sister. Although he would admit that she had grown into her grown woman body and he was here for it.

“I wasn’t even looking but would you get in there.” Grabbing poor Marcel by his neck, Trent pushed him into the kitchen causing Tyler to do the same to Trent.

The Alexander- Arnold were truely a bad trio indeed.

︱︱︱︱

“Did you see the way he looked at me? I can’t go back down there again he hates my guts.” You were currently upstairs in Agnes room helping her fix her curly hair up.

Today she had decided that she wanted a new look; so she insisted on you straightening her hair as she would usually get Marcel to, paying him 50 bucks as he would bribe her.

But then she figured why waste money when you’re here. You know how to deal with all sorts of hair especially black woman here.

“Girl, you’re just exaggerating. He doesn’t hate you, sure he’s pissed. But he can’t hate you:” Agnes says from her phone as she texted her boyfriend; whom was devastated that he couldn’t make an appearance.

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you should’ve have seen his face when he was hugging you. He looked as if he had seen a ghost. Why? Because he didn’t expect your booty to be that big. He was checking you out.” Agnes blurted out not caring and your face dropped almost burning her with the iron.

She screamed loudly; jolting away from the straighter and you apologised profusely for damn near almost burning her forehead.

“Girl what’s wrong with you almost burnt me?!” She yelled shoving you back, causing you to stumble and bump into the counter wincing.

“I’m sorry. It’s just why would you say some shit like that knowing damn well I was straightening your hair.” You argued back while finishing off her hair; then turning off the straighter.

Unpluggung it, you wrapped up the cord putting it in the cabinet below. Then all of a sudden you were yanked by your hand downstairs with Agnes leading the way.

Everyone was chatting about whatever and Y/n seized the opportunity to go into the cabinet and set up the tables. While Agnes helped her mother with the food.

“Uh why aren’t you guys helping Y/n. I thought I raised you guys better than this. Trent go help her.” Mr Arnold said pointing at his son and Trent surpassed the urge to roll his eyes at this.

All these men in the room, and out of all of them he chooses me unbelievable. He thought.

Instead of replying all he does is nod and goes into the cabinet,where he found Y/N she was texting to her friend about how overwhelmed she felt.

Turning around, she gasped once she caught a sight of her ex towering over her with a bland facial expression. As if he didn’t care what she was doing.

“I just need to get the utensils. So if you’ll excuse me.” You nodded your head rapidly moving to the side; as Trent stepped forward grabbing the plates.

The cabinet was big enough so you weren’t entirely fussed on the fact that you could smell his cologne which was marvellous. Not once did he make eye contact nor talk to you when you guys set up the table.

To him you were like a ghost, non existent therefore he didn’t feel the need to acknowledge your presence. Which was absurd because you had no beef with him at all.

If anything you wanted to talk about, and put it all aside he was just the one dragging it on for no reason.

Returning back to the table,finally once everything was done everyone had already taken their seats and the only seat left was one next Trent.

Tyler was on his right and I could visibly see him cackling to himself about the whole situation.

“Hey Agnes.”

“Hmm.”

“Do you think you can be a sweetheart and move one down-“

“Yeah no thank you. I’m already comfortable and my legs hurt from all that running.” She didn’t even glance up, and this made you scoff in annoyance.

This whole family knew damn well what they were doing, it was perfect set up as if they wanted you guys to sit next each other.

With no choice left you decided to suck it up and take your seat next to Trent whom pretended you weren’t even there.

“Now that that’s all settled. Let’s all bow our heads and thank the lord almighty for this food.” Mr Arnold insisted, and everyone bowed their heads down respectfully.

One thing about the Arnold family was they did not play about prayers, every single dinner they would give grace to the lord. It’s good to know that some things still remained the same.

While everyone was listening to Papa Arnold give grace, you couldn’t help but feel a overbearing gaze on you. Almost as if someone was staring you down.

So ultimately you opened your eyes, and there he was again staring at you blankly. He didn’t even bat an eye until the prayers was over, then he mumbled an “amen” and broke eye contact preparing his plate.

How odd. You thought to yourself, instantly everyone began digging in filling the plate to the brim as mama Dianne’s food never disappointed. You on the other hand, you lost your appetite.

It was gone, all you could was pick at the chicken that was on your plate. Meanwhile now majority of the family was halfway through the meal.

Y/n was still trying to gather herself together and Papa Arnold took notice to how glum she looked and he frowned.

“You alright baby doll, you haven’t touched your plate, since the beginning what’s up with that?” Papa Arnold pondered, while eating a mouthful of his rice and chicken. His wife and Trent’s siblings grumbled in agreement.

“Right you look so out of it.”

“If you want I’ll gladly take your leftovers anything for you my love.” Marcell joked, diving his slender fingers into your plate. However Trent acted out of instinct and slapped his hand causing him to wince.

“Don’t be rude Marcell. And please eat something so I don’t feel guilty.” Agnes whispered softly to you, in a pleading tone once everyone had resumed back to whatever they were doing.

And judging by the stoic and deadly look on Trent’s face, you obliged and ended up finishing up your entire plate with no fuss. By the time everyone was finished, you took the initiative to gather everyone’s dirty plates and wash them a little bit before placing them in the dish washer with the assistance of Agnes.

As soon as everything was tided up and the boys had all left to do their own thing, You took this as your cue to leave. Not wanting to be around the Arnold family, and this was only because you couldn’t stand that creature who was lurking in the background it was making you feel uneasy.

“Anyways mama Dianne, it was lovely see you and spent time with you all. But I think it’s best I call it night.” You announced with a soft grin. Instantly you were me with Dianna’s dejected face, and Agnes exasperated one.

“Are you serious right now…”

“Why’s that darling, I organised this so that we could spend solid girl time together, like old times.” Dianna expressed causing your stomach to cave in with guilt, the second she interlocked your hands together.

“I—“

“It’s because she’s scared of Trent. If you want me to sort him out, I won’t have a problem doing that.”

Your eyes widened at how serious and annoyed she seemed.” No! Please don’t, and I promise you that’s not the reason Agnes.”

“Quit lying to me girl, I’ve known you my whole life and I know when something is bothering you.I could see the way he was glaring holes into the side of your face. That boy still wants you.” Agnes voice gradually began to increase in tone, so you had to latch onto her bicep and ease her anger.

Because you didn’t want the whole family knowing how badly one person was affecting your mood.

“Is that so? Y/n if so, why didn’t you say anything.” Dianna frowned in disbelief at how much ruckus her son was creating behind her back.

She knew he was petty, but she didn’t think he was that petty to purposely make his ex sneaky link uncomfortable.

Sighing, you knew there was no getting out of this situation so you began to explain yourself with Agnes kissing her teeth every two seconds.

Little did you know that Trent never actually went upstairs and he was standing behind the wall connected to the kitchen; therefore they couldn’t see him.

However he did hear all the things that you said about him and he was deeply hurt that you thought that he was a bad guy.

When in reality, you’re the one that left him all alone in Liverpool 2 years no girlfriend, he couldn’t even eat for months just feeling sick to his core that you just abandoned him like that.

So for you to running around acting clueless, as to why he was treating you the way he was treating was irking something inside of him.

Finally, the conversation between his mother and Agnes had wrapped and up they began to walk you to front door.

Panicking, Trent attempted to jog up the stairs however his pace was a little to slow because his sister caught him.

“Trent! Since you wanna be so noisy do you mind walking Y/n out? While I go pack stuff for her and I?” Surprisingly, Trent didn’t protest and he just nodded his head walking to the door and opening it.

He tuned out his sister and mother saying their goodbyes, just standing there patiently with his hands in his joggers due to how cold it was outside.

Flashing them a quick grin, You jogged up to Trent who just glanced up and began walking by the direction of Agnes car which was parked a couple of cars down.

The whole time he didn’t say anything instead just scrolling through his phone, and you just about had enough of his odd behaviour. You needed answers and you need them now.

“Do we have a problem?”

This inquiry seem to get his attention, as his eyes finally gazed up into yours with confusion, almost resembling a lost puppy.

“When did I say that?”

“It’s not what you said it’s how you’re acting Trent. If you have a problem say it, and I want all your problems so please enlighten me, because I’m sick of your shit.” You blankly told him,and he eyed you with wide eyes not expecting you to jump straight to the point.

This caught him off guard as he was not sure how to reply back instantly.

“I don’t have a problem with you Y/n. What makes you say that.” He says innocently while furrowing his eyebrows together. You see now he was trying to make you seem stupid.

That’s one thing you don’t like, is when someone tries to make it seem like it’s all in your head when they’re the one causing the dilemma.

“It’s so obvious Trent. You don’t want me here you could see it all over your face, every time I spoke it was like a demon speaking you kept tutting your head or rolling your eyes.” You noted everything down, that he did the whole dinner and he finally let his guard down.

“Okay maybe I didn’t want you there and what?! We broke up for a reason, just because you came down to Liverpool doesn’t mean you have to come see my family. You barge into the door like everything’s okay well it’s not Y/N. We’re not together anymore and the sooner you accept it will be better. We’re not getting back to together,so this little plan that you created to creep back into my life is over, and you need to stop it!” He snapped, chest heaving up and down with fury.

And you almost felt like a small child getting scolded by their parent by the way he just yelled at you. This was the most angriest and harsh he had ever treated you. Sure you would get into arguments when you guys were seeing each other, but he never ever dared to raise his voice at you. Up until now.

Gulping, you swallowed down the huge lump that formed in your throat. Fighting back your tears, you bit down on your lip and just chuckled dryly.

“Way to be so harsh Alexander.” His face scrunched up in regret, the second he heard you let out a sniffle. You weren’t crying because of him raising his voice at you.

You were a big girl. You could handle that. It was the fact that he was so dismissive and rude that it made you so upset. Trent did not want to hear a word you said.

“Y/n.” He reached out to touch you, however you’re quicker and you smack his hand off you with all your strength.

“Save it. Go inside if you’re gone be an arse I don’t wanna hear it.” Grabbing Agnes car keys, you unlocked her Kia and slammed the door shut locking it so he wouldn’t come inside.

And Trent didn’t fight it. Instead remorseful and ashamed with his actions, he headed back inside with his head down dejected at what he had just went down.

“Hey where’s Y/n?”

“She’s in the car waiting for you.”

Trenr didn’t give her a chance to respond, he was already upstairs and slamming the door to his room and he collapsed on his bed face first.

All he could think was.

What had I done now.

-

And that’s wrap. I’m actually so sorry that I took so long to complete this I will admit I lost all motivations. But it’s here now and that’s all that matters.

Words can’t describe how badly I want to fly kick Trent for doing my girl Y/n like that. Like she didn’t do a damn thing.

What are y’all thoughts?

I hope you all enjoyed it and I’ll see you in the next part! 🤍🤍🤍

[bitterpotionn]

Okay pookie. I’m absolutely beaming with adoration for these Johnny pregnancy and fatherhood posts. However, I also saw you wanted to start writing for Bo. I would like to combine these idea because I believe Bo would step up and be a better dad than Johnny. I think he was raised to have a bit more respect for women ( despite his basement d: ) but I’d like to see what you think!

First, thank you so much for all the support on the Johnny content it means the world. Second, I do think it's long overdue for some Bo content.

Bo compared to Johnny would be a lot better of a father. As we all know, Bo had a pretty bad childhood and I think he would want to break the cycle of abuse. At least for his kid.

Bo isn't the perfect guy, obviously, I do think he still has his violent tendencies but it's never directed toward your daughter.

Unlike Johnny, Bo wouldn't be intimidated by spending time with her. He would always make sure he was present and around when he could be.

Bo would have still his bad moments with you but he made sure his daughter wasn’t around.

Bo wouldn't necessarily settle down, he would still kill but he would keep it far away from her.

Like you said, despite his basement, Bo was raised with traditional Southern values. So he is much more of a family man when need be.

You getting pregnant was most likely an accident. Bo wouldn't really want kids at first. You ending up pregnant was just the push he needed to actually consider it. I do think Bo might try to get you pregnant to further tie you down, just like Johnny, but he would be more prepared for the actual parenting side.

The house was quiet. It was nearing 9pm and you hadn't seen Bo for most of the day. He was a man who liked to stick to a schedule, he was normally up early and went off to do work around the town. You didn't mind, it kept him busy.

He'd stop by for lunch sometimes and eat with you. Though, most of the time he was too busy to. You never knew what he got up to around the town, you assumed it was a lot of work maintaining a ghost town. You spent most of your days cleaning, reading and taking care of your daughter.

At this point, you'd been in Ambrose for well over three years. You were just an unlucky person to stumble upon the wax town and Bo liked you enough to keep you around. Not too long after your arrival, you fell pregnant. You never knew if it was intentional or not. You didn't bother to ask him. At first, you were devasted, you couldn't imagine raising a child in a town like this, with the man who essentially kidnaped you. However, once she was here, you couldn't be happier. She brought life into this desolate town.

She was only around two years old. Your mind constantly wondered about her future. What about school? Or a social life? Or- no. You couldn't think about it too much without it making you sick. You took it day by day, that's how you got through this long.

You sat down next to your daughter at her mini-drawing table. It was an old plastic yellow square table that Bo brought home one day. With matching red, blue, green and purple chairs. Of course, you couldn't sit comfortably in the tiny chairs so you opted to sit next to her while she sat in the blue chair, her favorite color.

She quietly scribbled on a coloring book page. Crayons, markers and colored pencils were laid out in front of her. You were coloring a page too. She was a quiet kid, she was easy. Her personality mirrored more like Vincent's than Bo's. You were thankful for the small favors, the last thing you wanted was to deal with a hyper kid in a quiet town like this.

You heard the familiar roar of Bo's truck as he neared the house. You couldn't help but feel excited. Over these last years, you've come to really cherish him. At first, you wanted nothing to do with him and you were angry he took you away from your life but now he's all you wanted. You didn't know if it was just the result of his years-long manipulation or some form of stockholm syndrome. Either way, you didn't care.

Bo's loud steps came up the stairs of the house, you heard him fumble with the front door before it creaked open. Bo stepped in and gave you a smile. He looked tired.

Your daughter turned toward the door and let out a small squeal as she ran toward him, barreling right into him with a loud thud as she wrapped her arms around his legs. He let out a warm chuckle as he scooped her up into his arms. "There's my sweet girl," his southern drawl cut through his words like a knife. He kicked the door closed and approached you as you stood up from your seated position on the floor.

He leaned down and gave you a quick kiss before turning his attention to the table. "Were you drawin' today?" he asked her picking up one of her scribbled masterpieces. She only responded with a giggle as she smiled brightly at him. Despite everything, Bo was kind to her, he was good. One of your biggest fears was how he would be as a father and honestly he shocked you. He was patient (more patient than he ever was with you) and he was eager to spend time with her.

He never missed anything she did, you recalled a time when she was just beginning to walk and you called down to the gas station to tell Bo. He was at the house in a matter of minutes, cheering her on as she stumbled through her first steps.

You never knew much about Bo's childhood but from what you have gathered, it wasn't ideal. You knew that Bo didn't want to continue the cycle. You were thankful for that.

"Y'all are up late," he said glancing over at you. "I didn't want her to go to bed without her daddy tucking her in," you responded, wrapping an arm around Bo as you leaned against his shoulder. "Ah, sorry bout' that, been real busy lately," He kissed your cheek before heading up to her room.

Bo creaked open the door to the small bedroom they had set up her their daughter. Most of the stuff was either stolen or second-hand. You did your best to make it cozy and you were quite proud of your work. Bo leaned down and placed her in her bed. He kneeled beside her and kissed her head, smiling. She was quick to fall asleep with the comfort of her father near.

Bo quietly inched to the door, grabbing your hand as you both walked out of the room. Once the door was closed Bo grinned widely and turned to you. "Missed ya today, doll," his arm wrapped around your waist as he pulled you into the bedroom.

[mingsolo]

UNTITLED 02.

mingi x reader / g: fluff (too much), friends to lovers / wc: 607, r: pg13 / no warnings

There he goes again. Walking by as if he wasn’t shining, blinding everyone walking past him.

You refused to believe it was just you, who saw Mingi glowing in the light, brightening up along his path.

One evening everyone gathers up to play cards and grab a few cold ones, there, Mingi sits in front of you. You can’t face him, but also can’t look away, it’s starting to look weird.. You dare to glance at him and almost choke when you see he’s looking back, straight into your eyes.

If he wasn’t so beautiful, you would have some decor not to lose your mind, but alas, he is.

You look away, your hand goes to your chest. Stupid heart, stop beating so damn fast, everyone can hear you. You curse under your breath. You want to be cold, be mean, but he doesn’t let you. Not when he is always so nice, so endearing.

Someone talks to you but you can’t make up the words. “Y/n?.” you react that it's his deep voice calling for you, and your knees turn into jelly. “Can I talk to you for a minute?.” You didn’t realize he was getting closer.

You manage to stand up and you both walk towards the kitchen, away from the game and the laughter of the others. Your heart is squeezing inside your chest and he’s the only one to blame.

“Y/n,?” Mingi says your name and it feels like bullets piercing through your heart, but these don’t kill you instantly, instead they make you suffer by letting you live through the pain. You want to run, but also stay and bury your head on his chest. Both would hurt badly anyways. The second one would probably do kill you.

Mingi waits for your answer but you remain silent, so he speaks again. “I was wondering… if you like me?.”

That was it. You could feel yourself turning red as a tomato, your senses going berserk. Was this reality?. “What?!” you shout, making everyone turn to look at you both.

“Oh.. sorry if you don’t, I-, nevermind.”

He begins to walk away but you tug his shirt and stop him. “I do.” your voice cracks, and you feel like digging your own grave. “I do like you, so much I can’t even make up words right now. I have been liking you since I laid eyes on you.”

And there he goes. He smiles so beautifully but it’s devastating. It’s subtle,at first, yet he bites his lower lip and lowers his head, and you wish he stopped cause you can’t take it. “Yeah… I like you too as well, very, very much.” He says, looking away.

Why does he look so dumb?. You just don’t realize he is just a reflection of yourself around him.

“Can we go on a date, like right now?.”

You finally look at him, his ears are as red as you’re sure yours are. “Yeah, I would love that.”

You have fell hard for Mingi, so hard in fact, but right now; as he shyly holds your hand walking out to look for some late night snack, you feel softly landing back.

[myechoecho]

Queen of Tears, ep 5

Their break really came with the loss of the baby. Both grieving in their own way but unable to grieve together. Hae In building her walls to protect herself which makes it seem like she does not care to Hyun Woo. But she cares very much and feels guilty about the loss.

Hae In’s illness is making both of them open up to one another and it’s what is going to bring them back together. They never stopped loving one another. Just look at Hyun Woo stubbornly drawing her lifeline to be longer and how Hae In’s first instinct was to wipe his tears. They suffered a huge loss, stopped communicating and drifted apart. The love is still there.

While I still think Hyun Woo’s family needs some better boundaries with him, they do love him and realize where they went wrong. I think it was so important that Hae In saw them all desperately looking for her. Hyun Woo’s mom affectionately calling her my baby is something that Hae In’s mom would never do.

I wasn’t sure about Hae In’s aunt at first but I love her. She’s a bit cray but she’s also the only one in Hae In’s family whom loves her and is devastated at the thought of her dying. She’s also the only one who is suspicious of the grandfather’s girlfriend. I’m surprised it’s taken so long for her to do a background check.

The one thing that I don’t think works is the psycho ex. Not sure he is needed when Hae In’s family is perfectly toxic on their own.

I laughed at Crash Landing on You on in the background. Weirdly, it’s the second currently airing kdrama to have CLOY in the background. Did like seeing the actor who was in CLOY make a cameo as the “therapist” of the village. Wonder how many more references they will have?

[gurugirl]

https://www.tumblr.com/gurugirl/727844679534690304/guru-im-devastated-after-that-last-bff-dad-when?source=share

YES ME TOO I'm devastated 😩 Can you please give me something to hang on to (sneaky please?) until you post on Monday (I'm really not sure I can last that long I'm sobbing)? Anything at all???? Please guru 🙏

Oh I'm so sorry 😩 Look, only because you asked nicely will I give you something. But I gotta say... most of this next part is also angst (until it's suddenly not at the end 👀) so while I will give you something, like you asked, I can't promise you that this will make you feel much better. But it does give you some more insight into things.

Enjoy this sneaky from the next part of bfd!harry!!

“Fuck…” he whispered to himself as he sat down on the hardwood floor next to his desk. What was he doing? Why had his life come to this? It was his fault. He recognized it. He’d been weak and lusting after you long before he made any moves.

It was the night of Fae’s 22nd birthday. About two years ago. They threw a big party for all of Fae’s friends. You showed up early to their house, which wasn’t out of the norm for you, being Fae’s best friend. But Fae hadn’t arrived yet and Mrs. Styles was just on her way back with the cake. Harry was in the backyard setting the chairs and cups and fixing up loose ends. It was just the two of you.

“Mr. Styles!” You snuck up behind, startling him.

He turned quickly and was caught off guard by your outfit. You were dressed for a party. A pretty thin yellow dress with small white polka dots. The top part was well fitted around your breasts and tapered at your waist where the skirt was a little more flowy and knee length. It wasn’t inappropriate and didn’t show too much skin but there was something about the way you looked in it that had him taken aback. You looked so grown. Stunning.

“Hi, Y/n. How are you, dear?” He pulled you in for a hug and he didn’t know what it was about the hug either. You were warm and had pressed your body into his and it riled something inside of him.

When he pulled away from you he kept his eyes on yours and he noticed your lips and how soft your skin was on your cheeks. Your big round eyes took him in and it felt like you were both looking at one another in a different light for the first time.

“Uh… can I help you with anything?” You quickly spoke. Suddenly appearing nervous.

“Oh… no. That’s okay. We’re pretty much done here,” he looked around the backyard and back toward you.

You turned and looked toward the house and then to him, “Is anyone else here?”

“No. Just us.”

You smiled and looked down at the grass and then backed up slightly, planting your gaze back on his, “Well, I can go back inside. Don’t want to bother you or–“

And in some moment of clarity or insanity, he couldn’t be sure, he stepped forward and wrapped his hand around your wrist, “It’s okay. You’re never a bother, Y/n.”

You looked down at where he was touching you and back into his eyes. The moment felt so intimate. So real. He watched your lips part the slightest.

“Oh. Okay.” Was all you could muster to say.

You were clearly affected by his touch. But so was Harry. His hands on your wrist felt sizzling. He couldn’t explain it. Sure he’d always seen a pretty girl when he looked at you but there was something different about you on that day.

During the party, Harry noticed that his eyes kept meeting yours. It was unspoken but the continuous search for one another didn’t stop all night. He hoped no one else saw it. He was sure no one did. And it wasn’t as if anything had really happened anyway. It was innocent. Just frequent gazes from opposite sides of the yard.

Before you left for the night you helped clean up. You found Mr. Styles boxing up the string lights and he stood up when he saw you approach him. He wasn’t sure if you were seeking him out at that very moment on purpose or not, but no one else was around to witness what you did next.

You gently reached for his hand and then stepped in to give him a hug, “This was fun, Mr. Styles.”

Your words were innocent enough but the hug was even more intimate than the first one you shared when you originally arrived. You put your arms over his shoulders and he wrapped his around your back. You both stood pressed together for longer than would have been seen as appropriate. It was definitely a signal. A shift of something deeper.

Harry turned to put his face into your hair and responded, “I’m glad you were here tonight.”

It might have been two years ago, but it was what had begun everything. From then on, he noted your longing gazes, just as he was sure you saw his too. But you both had never acted on it. Until that day at your apartment.

🏷️ @zayndrivesmeinvain @i83andrew @shamelessfangirl-3 @onceagainace @mema10 @princessprongs

[skeletonpunching]

Buddy Daddies interview with Ayase

Interview with Ayase (musical artist for the opening theme, SHOCK!)

Interviewer: What impression did you have of the series "Buddy Daddies", which features "SHOCK!" as its opening?

Ayase: When I first received the basic rundown of the series, I thought, "This girl's (Unasaka Miri's) level of cuteness is going to be really essential when it gets animated." And then I actually saw the footage, and Miri was absolutely adorable.

Interviewer: Did the anime production staff have any specific instructions for the composition of the song?

Ayase: They didn't really request anything specific. Just that since it's meant to be an anime opening song, they'd like something more fast-paced, rather than mellow... That was the vibe they were going for, and it was what I had in mind as well.

Interviewer: How did the worldview and atmosphere of the series inspire your ideas for the song?

Ayase: I knew that the plot of the series was the protagonists parenting, and so I wanted to use that as one of the themes of the song - the part where they confront the question of "love", and find themselves steadily changing. But in fact, this song isn't entirely about the series itself; it's connected to the series, but it addresses the themes of what I've personally experienced in life, and my feelings about the responsibility of loving others. 

Interviewer: And is that also what inspired the title "SHOCK!"...?

Ayase: When you're emotionally devastated, or when you've turned away from precious feelings like romantic love, you suddenly meet someone who has a huge influence on your mindset and your way of life. The title is connected to the anime storyline, but it also expresses that sort of tremendous effect. "SHOCK!" is meant to literally convey that impact.

Interviewer: Is there anything you were especially concerned with when creating the song?

Ayase: I'm usually part of a group called YOASOBI, where I have the role of composer - I focus exclusively on songwriting. But YOASOBI's central concept is "making novels into music", which means I'm always drawing inspiration from other people's stories and sentiments for my own writing. So I inevitably come up with a lot of songs that have strong narratives and thematic messages.

This time, I was inspired by "Buddy Daddies" as well, but since I was performing it as a solo vocalist, I wanted the phrasing of the lyrics to also reflect my own personal tastes to some extent. I was trying to make something that would be easy listening, and could be enjoyed with no constraints. But when I say "easy", I don't mean I didn't put any effort into it. What I mean is that I wanted people to enjoy it simply, and so I kept things simple and loose as well. It doesn't carry any sort of deep message - rather, it's about the fleeting doubts that surface as I go through life, the feelings I have for people who are kind to me, and the casual thoughts I have on a daily basis. I took all those things and focused on putting them into words. I couldn't have done this if I wasn't releasing it as a solo artist.

Interviewer: I guess it's different when you're performing the vocals yourself.

Ayase: I just thought, "Man, singing sure is fun." (laughs) I'm also a Vocaloid producer, so when I compose songs for other artists, I often send them a Vocaloid demo with Hatsune Miku first. But since I was performing this song myself, I recorded the demos with my own voice right from the start. I explored my comfort zone as I sang, and I had a lot of fun striving for the best results. 

Interviewer: Please tell us how you felt when you saw the opening sequence accompanied by "SHOCK!"

Ayase: I usually picture scenes in my head while composing, and since I'd gotten to see the "Buddy Daddies" character designs, I had thoughts of "it would be cool if they put in a shot like this at this point", or "that might be interesting". And I think it turned out incredibly close to what I had in mind. Of course, I didn't say anything like "I'd love an opening like this", so it's not like they were trying to reflect my preferences, but I could tell that they crafted the footage while taking into account the song's intent and atmosphere. So it made me very happy to watch it.

Interviewer: Is there anything you keep in mind when working on tie-in songs - not just the one for "Buddy Daddies"?

Ayase: Different musicians and artists all approach songwriting with different mindsets, and there will be more tie-in songs in future - for anime, commercials, and so on - but when I'm lucky enough to be chosen, I always want them to come away thinking, "I'm glad I worked with Ayase." That's my top priority, and I think that's how it should be.

I said just now that I produced this song simply and loosely, according to my own tastes, but I still thought carefully about the series. I want people to feel that I have a strong sense of professionalism and am producing work that no one else could do. Not just for anime, but for other tie-in songs as well - I don't just want to make cool songs. I understand that I've been called on for a certain purpose, so I want to create the best work I possibly can. That's why I give it my all, every single day.

Interviewer: How has the public reaction to "SHOCK!" been?

Ayase: When I release songs as part of my regular YOASOBI activity, or when a tie-in series gets broadcast, I'm usually very curious about the public reception. So I check online almost right away. But this time, since I was singing the song myself, I couldn't quite bear to see the reaction. Plus when the anime first started airing, I was really too busy to be on social media much. Honestly, I'm kind of scared to vanity-search myself this time. I've just been getting LINE messages from my family and close friends, saying things like "it's good", and of course that's a huge relief. As a vocalist, I still haven't built up a resistance to public reactions, so if anyone says anything mean I'll probably cry. (laughs)

Interviewer: Please tell us what you think are the selling points of this series "Buddy Daddies".

Ayase: It's got lots of comedic elements and lighthearted scenes, but the serious parts are also legitimately serious. And that also makes the comical bits stand out all the more - it's like a fun black comedy. It kind of has the vibe of a foreign series, and that's an interesting aspect I haven't really seen before.

Interviewer: Finally, please give a message to everyone who is enjoying this series.

Ayase: To all the viewers watching "Buddy Daddies" every week, I hope you enjoy both the opening sequence and the song "SHOCK!" Thank you so much for everything!

[you-usuratonkachi]

why mike’s monologue is wack (aside from what’s already been told)

so i saw this answer to this anon, and tbh i wanted to add to it, because i haven’t talked about it yet.

the argument is that the cast complimented Finn for his performance, so doesn’t that go against Byler? 

So here i go...

The problem with Mike’s monologue isn’t Finn’s acting. People like to blame his performance, because it’s the easiest thing to pick apart, but tbh I don’t feel like he acted any different from how he always has. Acting, my loves, isn’t the only thing that makes a scene. In fact I’d say that writing, editing, directing and music can make or break a scene more than the acting performance does. 

And here is exactly where the major issues with the mologue actually come from.

1. the writing - the monologue was wack because of the build up to it and because of its word choices. Not only was the confession weak in terms of what Mike actually said during it (outright lying about how he felt when he met El, talking only about her superpowers, etc.), I’m pretty sure that even the least attentive watcher subconsciously picked up on the fact that it quoted Will’s confession and was pushed by Will, because the show hammered it in everyone’s head for EPISODES. 

The build up to that monologue is Will suffering over and over as he tries to fix Mileven’s relationship for them. Even if people like to deny it, after watching the whole show, that kind of exposure sticks in one’s head and in the perception of the overall show. The monologue felt wack because it was written so that the audience would never forget that it just happening because of Will and that it was hurting Will in the process.

2. the directing/editing choices - Mike and El aren’t alone as Mike conesses his love, they aren’t even face to face. Not only that, they could have still concentrated on their faces, but the editing and directing CHOSE not to help them in the slightest. 

Imagine the shot having both of them in it, even just a diveded screen would have sufficed to make a lot of difference, but no, they decided to have them always separated as Mike’s voice echoed for her and he looked at her wearing pizza goggles. Not exactly the most romantic circumstance, was it? 

If that wasn’t enough, they DELIBERATELY chose to include Will in basically all shots as Mike professed his love. Go back to check, you can either see him behind Mike blurred out or actively see his expression. There’s barely any frame of Mike alone and even when there are, right after that Will gets a full shot looking devastated.  

If the writing wasn’t enough to force you to remember him, the directing made it a point to always include him in the background (which has happened all season btw). Even in Mileven’s highest moment, the audience is made to remember that Will is there, Will is listening, Will is hurting. The focus of the scene ends up being more on him than on Mileven themselves.

You might hate Will, but the whole triangle was written so that even just subconsciously you would end up filling Will’s shoes. Even as a Mileven shipper, it’s hard to concentrate on Mileven because the focus constantly turns to Will. 

So yes, it’s not Finn’s fault the monologue feels wrong. Mileven’s feelings weren’t the point of it, Will’s were.

And if you don’t believe me, let me just add a point 

3. the music - just check the title of the song they used in that scene, it’s literally “You’re The Heart”. That’s something Will said. Those are Will’s feelings. Mike was telling El that he loved her for the first time in 4 freaking seasons and they didn’t get the scene for themselves, they weren’t even the focus of it. The focus was Will. 

I would underline this a million times if I could. This was the first time we heard Mike actually say TO EL that he loved her. THE FIRST TIME. And he had to be PROMTED, they weren’t even in the same mental dimension, they were not looking at each other, Mike was answering Will’s feelings without knowing it, they were never singled out in the scene, there was always Will but also other people in the shots, the SONG even WASN’T ABOUT THEM. 

Literally nothing that came out of this confession is Mileven except the active paricipants.

At this point, after all the built up, the whole thing feels cheap and childish and hollow.

It leaves a bitter aftertaste, it’s not shot nor written as a happy moment, something everyone was waiting for and is delighted to hear. Can’t you see? 

It’s written as a dreadful moment. Because it was. To Will.

[outsideratheart]

Goodbye, Hello (Alexia Putellas x reader)

A/N: Chapter 4 of The Legacy Series. Now the story can really begin.

Ajax was home, the players and staff were your family yet as you stand in the tunnel at the stadium named after your father for the first time you cannot help but think that in another world that would have been the first of many. Oh how you wished he could see you play on the field that meant so much to him. Would he proud of you? You’d like to think so.

Meanwhile the players of Barcelona have a day off in Portland between their games for the WICC cup. They had naturally split into groups much like they do on any away trip but Alexia noticed something as she bumped into a couple of her team mates wandering the unfamiliar city; two were missing, Lieke and Aitana. As far as she was aware the two of them wasn’t close enough to do something together so it sparked her curiosity. The captain convinces Jenni, Leila, Mapi and Patri to go back to hotel to get them, she didn’t want them to waste their day in the hotel room. What she didn’t expect was to see Aitana walking the hallway donning a red & white football shirt. As she get closer to the young midfielder she recognises the Ajax shirt with your last name on.

“Aitana” Alexia voice makes her jump.

“What are you doing here”

It didn’t sound like a question and her face had the same expression a young child does when they’re caught doing something they shouldn’t.

“I could ask you the sa—“

“Aitana hurry up, it’s about to kick off”

The door opens to reveal Lieke wearing an identical shirt to Aitana.

“What is? Who’s playing?” Mapi asks slightly confused as to why her team mates would rather stay in the hotel instead of exploring.

“Ajax” Lieke says with a obvious tone whilst pointing to the badge on her shirt.

“And why are we watching Ajax?” Patri added.

Aitana and Lieke shared a look. What which said ‘We know something you don’t and we don’t know if we can tell you’.

The secret they had been keeping for the past couple of days would be sure to bring a smile to their captain’s face but you had sworn them to secrecy. Lieke only found out because she had visited you in Amsterdam before going back to Barcelona and your mum let it slip. Aitana found out straight from the horses mouth when she was invited to a Cruyff foundation event in Barcelona, imagine the shock when she saw you there. Afterwards you told her about your decision and she pinky promised that she wouldn’t tell a soul.

“She’s playing for them isn’t she?” The devastation in Alexia’s voice was clear. She truly thought that you had played your last game for Ajax and after your talk in Ibiza she was almost certain you would soon be a Barcelona player but now she had doubts.

Lieke only nodded in fear that she would let it slip if she were to open her mouth.

You walked proudly out of the tunnel as you wore the captain’s armband one last time. As you line up with the rest of the team you spot your mother, two brothers, sister-in-law, niece and nephew in the crowd. It takes every ounce of strength not to break there and then. The past couple of days had taken a lot out of you, tears included and up until this moment you thought you had no tears left to cry, oh how wrong you were.

After you shook hands with the Feyenoord captain you walk to your position. You were in the zone, that is until you hear the entire stadium break out into applause. When you turn around you see that both teams have left you to walk to the middle of the pitch alone. The fans were showing their appreciation and it was killing you. The game was a farewell and the fans knew it even though nothing official had been announced. It was set up as a friendly but it was also against Feyenoord, the club’s rival and it just so happened to be your favourite fixture of the season.

You really did enjoy the next 90 minutes and scoring at John Cruyff area will be something you would never forget. Truthfully, you wasn’t sure how to feel. Should you be happy for the career you have had at the club or should you be sad for leaving, the latter hit you like a tone of bricks.

Your coach calls you over to the sidelines where you see your family waiting. There was two frames shirts resting on stands. You joined the women’s team when it was first established in 2012 and you would leave being the highest capped player as well as the clubs top goal scorer, the two shirts represented these achievements.

Alexia couldn’t believe the scene unfolding on the screen in front on her.

“She’s leaving?” Alexia asked Lieke without taking her eyes of the screen, you had her full attention.

“What does it look like?”

The TV showed you sobbing in your brother arms. You and Alexia had talked about the difficulties that came with moving to Barcelona but she never once stopped to think about what it meant for you to leave Amsterdam.

“Are you crying?”

Alexia feels a tear fall down her cheek, one that she quickly wipes as she thinks Mapi is talking to her and she isn’t ready to be teased again.

“Lieke you’re crying”

She was in the clear. The Dutch woman was the one bound to be teased.

“You wouldn’t understand. You don’t know her like I do”

But I want to. This is what Alexia thinks but doesn’t say.

“Aitana’s going to lose her number” Jenni says.

“No I’m not. She’s already told me that she doesn’t want it” Aitana only realises what she had said when it’s too late.

This is enough pull Alexia’s attention from watching you give a speech, one which she doesn’t understand but still she hangs on every word.

“What do you mean she has already told you” Alexia questions her team mate who clearly knows more than what she’s leading on.

“I didn’t say that” Aitana wishes she could take it back.

“Yes you did. Y/N told you her decision didn’t she?”

“You’ll have to wait till Monday to find out” upon realising she was digging herself a deeper hole, Aitana comes up with an excuse to leave the room knowing had broken her promise without directly breaking her promise.

“Lieke?” Alexia changes tactics. If Aitana knew something, your best friend definitely did.

“You must have said something right in Ibiza”

She didn’t confirm it but she didn’t have to. It wasn’t like you and Alexia talked about you moving to Arsenal in detail that night. She wished that she could press fast forward on her life. It was only Friday, meaning still had three days before she would find out officially that you had chosen to follow in your father’s footsteps. In three days you would be announced as a Barcelona player, the Blaugrana shirt would once again have Cruyff on the back.

When Monday came around the team entered the facility with an extra pep in their step, all eyes glued to the locker room door. Every person that entered who wasn’t you was met with a look of disappointment. It is only when Lluis walks in does the elephant in the room get discussed.

“By the way your faces dropped when you saw it was me, I assume you know what is happening today or more appropriately who is signing for us today. Given what this means to the club the announcement will be made over at Camp Nou, not here”

“But then she’ll be coming here, right?” Alexia tried her best to mask her disappointment but failed miserably.

“Not today. She has media, several photoshoots and a meet & great at the stadium store”

Alexia knew that this wasn’t what you wanted. The club was making the most of having a Cruyff back at Barcelona and they didn’t stop the think the toll that it would have on you, it was a business at the end of the day.

Several hours later, training had finished for the day. Lieke was in the shower when her phone starting to ring, a call which she obviously missed yet the person of the other line didn’t give up. After the fifth missed call Alexia grabs the phone with the intention of giving it to the Dutch but she accidentally sees who the caller was.

Danny Cruyff 5 Missed Calls.

A small panic formed in her gut. Why was your mother calling Lieke and why was she so persistent. Had something happened to you?

That panic didn’t lessen when she handed the phone to Lieke whose face must have been a mirror to her own. She immediately calls your mother back.

“Hoi” “Natuurlijk” “Ik laat haar jou bellen”

Alexia’s Dutch was practically none existing. Lieke has tried teaching her some phrases during away games but the only things she could understand was hello which didn’t answer her unasked question; were you ok?.

“Is she ok?” Alexia asked. She didn’t need to say your name for Lieke to understand who she talking about.

“Apparently the press conference got a little bit out of hand. They were asked not to ask too many questions about Johan but there was one Marca journalist who didn’t stop pushing. Now Y/N won’t answer any of Jordi, Luuk or Danny’s calls. I said I’d go round to their house after I finish here”

“Are none of her family here with her?”

“No. Y/N knows what this will bring up for them and her so she asked them not to come but promised they could be at the first home game” Lieke pauses when she sees the look of worry on her captain’s face “Would you like to come with me?”

“Where?”

“To see her”

Alexia nods her head eagerly as a grin spreads from ear to ear.

Lieke asks that Alexia not mention the visit to the rest of the team but in the end it isn’t Alexia that lets it slip. Aitana can tell what the two of them are up to when the rush to pack up their things and leave without being noticed. The small spaniard asks if she can go with them as well only she says it a little too loud. Before Lieke has the chance to answer her, several other players ask to go with them. Their argument; you were now part of the team and this team always looks out for their own.

“She is going to hate this” Lieke says but still she agrees silently hoping that your habit of wanting to being alone in these moments is no longer a thing.

“I can tell them that they can’t come” Alexia is ready to do whatever is needed.

“No, let them come. Truth is I don’t know what to say to her. Maybe one of them can cheer her up” Lieke pointed to were Leila had Patri in a chokehold whilst Mapi filmed them for some reason.

Now you wouldn’t say you hated the house in Barcelona but there was a reason why you tended to stay in a hotel whenever you visited the city. It was the home your Mother and Father built, it has their presence everywhere whilst the house in Amsterdam was more your style. You had asked your mother if you couldn’t redecorate but she said no.

You were staring aimlessly in the garden when you heard the intercom go off letting you know someone was at the gate. Now it could be one of two people, your manager and Lieke, both of them knew the code so you were a bit hesitant as you looked at the security camera. It’s safe to say you didn’t expect who you saw but you let them in anyways.

Your mother raised to be a good host so you greated them at the door before they had the chance to knock or ring the bell. Looking in the mirror that was hung above the table in the foyer you hated how obvious it was that you had been crying but when you welcomed your team mates none of them mentioned it.

It seemed that you were having some kind of team night because they had brought Pizza which you wasn’t against. You hadn’t eaten all day and you wasn’t in the mood to cook.

“Call your mother” Lieke smacked you playfully before making herself at home. She knew where everything was so you left her to get plates, glasses and whatever else they needed.

Alexia stayed behind. A photo hanging on the wall having caught her attention. It was one of the family when your dad played his last game as Barcelona manager.

“It’s one of my favourite photos” your presence made her jump.

“Lo siento”

“Don’t be. I’m pretty sure Pina and Patri are trying to take a selfie with one of his shirts” You pointed to where the young players where subtly trying and family to take a photo with one of your dad’s framed Barcelona shirts.

“I’ll tell them to stop” Alexia tries to walk off but you pull her back.

“It’s ok” Truth is you liked that they were being appreciated, you barely gave them a second look.

For the next couple of hours, you and your new team mates sat in the garden eating pizza and telling all kind of football tales. You understood what Alexia meant when she said the team was a family. You had only been a Barcelona player for a few hours yet you already felt part the family. You knew the biggest challenges were yet to come but in this moment you knew you made the right decision.

It wasn’t necessarily late but the team had been at training all day and you could see the girls were getting tired. Lieke must have picked up on it too because she suggested they head home.

“Wait! Before we go” Patri stood up, a glass of water in hand “Welcome to Barcelona, to Y/N” everyone cheers in your honour “And to having a Cruyff back in Barcelona”

This didn’t get the same response from you but you knew that Patri was coming from a good place.

Alexia surprisingly offered to stay and back clean. The reason why is was surprising is because there was nothing left to clean, everyone had tidied up after themselves.

“We better get started because as you can see this place is a mess”

“Ok so maybe I didn’t stay to clean up”

“No” you say sarcasticly. Your tone causes Alexia to chuckle but it is more so to cover up her shyness.

“I thought maybe I could show you a few places, if you’re not too tired” Alexia never forgot the conversation you two shared that night in Ibiza and she fully intended to show you what the city had to offer, she wanted to show you her Barcelona.

Truth is you were exhausted mentally which made doing anything except from laying of the sofa a chore. Then again this is Alexia, you did want to get to know her more and you knew you wouldn’t get the chance to once the season started.

“Ok but I can’t be out too long. You may or may not have heard but I’ve just signed for a new team and I’d like to impress them at training tomorrow”

“I’m already impressed” Alexia whispers to herself.

Barcelona was a different city at time. The street were emptier but the city couldn’t be more alive. You may have done everything in your power to stay away from it but you could understand why it is loved by so many. You tried to look at the sights with a fresh set of eyes, you wanted to make new memories and tonight those would be made with Alexia.

“Is there anywhere you want to go?” Alexia asks as she bumps into your shoulder.

“Can we just walk for a bit” She nods her head and guides you down her favourite streets, shows you some of her favourite buildings and points out a few restaurants that she wanted to take you to.

There were so many questions she wanted to ask you. The top of that list was are you ok but the answer was obvious. She also wanted to know what was going on in your head but then she wondered if even you had to answer to that.

“Can I ask you a question? Why isn’t your family here?” Lieke told her but she knew there was something more to it.

The way you stopped in your tracks made her instantly regret the question.

“Let’s go this way”

She doesn’t bring up the change of subject and within a few minutes she finds herself walking through the gothic quarter. She follows you through a narrow alleyway, one that she didn’t know existed.

“This is my favourite spot in Barcelona”

Alexia watches as you knock on a door that is in the centre of the wall and can be no bigger than half a meter. Then a couple of minutes later she sees a hand hold out a paper bag, one which you take in exchange for some money.

“This is the best kept secret and best cookies in Barcelona” you hold open the bag and watch as Alexia takes one. Her eyes close as she takes a bite, you knew what she was experiencing. You had been 6 when you were first brought here.

“Ay Dios Mio”

“Told you”

Alexia makes grabby hands and you give her the bag but not before taking a handful of the tiny cookies for yourself.

“Me playing here brings up a lot of emotions, not only for me but for them too”

At first the brunette doesn’t know what you’re talking about but then it hits her. You are answering her question, the one you do so subtly dodged.

“I asked them not to come”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess I thought if they wasn’t here then I could have a normal day where I’m just a football player signing for a football club. It was naive of me”

“How is to be a Barcelona player?”

“Honestly, it’s amazing. I can’t wait to start this chapter of my life, I just hope it can be my chapter and not a part of his”

“Why can’t it be both? You are your father’s daughter, you can’t change that but you can embrace it and what better place to do so then here in Barcelona” Alexia spins around with her arms spread wide.

“Did they come up with that or did you?” You asked referring to the club.

“That was all me” Alexia says rather proudly.

The night passes by far too quickly. You had only intended to be out for an hour, two at max but now it was close to midnight and you knew it was time to call it a night. Even though you didn’t want too, you bid Alexia farewell and told her you would see her in the morning.

8 hours later you found yourself standing in front of the home ground which was all a short walk away from the training ground. You stared up at the sign and read it out loud.

ESTADI JOHAN CRUYFF

Your mind wanders to memories with only one man, the one you wishes was here for this.

“I thought I might find you here”

Of course, she knew where you’d be.

“Buenos dias Alexia”

“Are you ready?”

“Ready”

And ready you were. It was time to start the next chapter in your life. The years to come would define your career and change your life forever.

[whoistartaglia]

hiiii!! i saw that you were taking requests for your 1500 followers event!! (congratulations btw you deserve it!) can i by chance request second chance romance with cyno? thank you!! if not, you can delete this c:

i would never delate this request! thank you so so so much for your kind words and request.

trope: second chance romance.

including: cyno.

as a student at the akademiya, you expect to run into your ex-boyfriend, cyno. that doesn’t mean it isn’t any less awkward when it happens.

usually you and cyno ignore each other, but not today, because he’s walking over to you, and there’s no escaping the general mahamatra.

you try anyways, promptly turning on your heel and walking in the opposite direction.

“wait, [name],” you hear cyno say. you don’t wait, of course. you’re marching away, happy to do so, until he asks, “please, [name]. wait for a second, please.”

you fold. like a piece of paper, you fold.

you pause for only a second, but it’s enough for cyno to catch up with you. he falls in line next to you, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, for him to be at your side. you suppose at one point it was.

“thanks. i wasn’t sure—“

“what do you want?” you ask, cutting him off.

“i just wanted to say hi,” he responds. “we haven’t talked in months.”

and who’s fault is that? you almost ask out loud. instead you just stop in the middle of the hall and turn to him.

“what do you really want, cyno.”

“i said—“

“i know what you said.” you wait for his response.

“[name]. i’m really sorry about how things ended between us—wait, wait,” cyno says, grabbing your wrist before you can march away again. “please just hear me out.”

you shake off his hand easily, and when you don’t move, cyno takes that as a sign to continue. he’s cautious as he continues: “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have just left you without warning.”

“no, you shouldn’t have,” you confirm. you still remember how devastated and heartbroken you were when cyno broke up with you. it was only two months before he ended things.

“i’ve really missed you.”

you could walk away now. leave cyno as he left you. it’s tempting, but instead you stay. like a fool, you stay.

cyno continues, “i regret ever leaving you in the first place. please, [name]. let me make it up to you.”

“how?” you demand. “do you even know how much—how much i cried after… after you left me?” even now, the memory still hurts.

“yes. i know, and i hate it. i was afraid and ran away, and i’m not going to do that again… if you want to also get back together.”

“what if i say no?” you question.

“then i’ll never bring it up again. i’ll leave you alone forever, if that’s what you want.”

“…and if i say yes?”

“if you say yes, i’ll do everything in my power to make you never regret it,” cyno responds immediately. he looks at you, so hopeful. your heart clenches uncomfortably.

you want to say no. you believe cyno is genuine in wanting to get back together, but wouldn’t this be too easy for him? it’s only been a couple months since the breakup, you should say no.

but even after the initial shock of it, you couldn’t hate cyno. you wanted to, tried to, but you never could direct the devastation at the breakup to anger towards cyno.

“okay, then. yes,” you say finally, starting to walk again. cyno again falls easily in line next to you. you continue, “but don’t make me regret this, cyno. if you feel afraid again, talk to me about it. that’s the only way we can make this thing work.”

“i won’t, and i’m not afraid. not anymore. i promise. i swear,” cyno replys. you’re inclined to believe him and his words. you don’t trust him wholeheartedly yet—that has to be built up again—but you do believe that, with enough work, you two can make it work again. and this time, for longer than two months. maybe forever.

[wrinklemcdinkle]

yall Im having some certain thoughts about episode 115 we gotta have a discussion

SPOILERS BELOW CUT

OK so were all pretty split on who the mole is on lizzie’s ship between caspian and marshall john- (rudith is a possibility but he hasnt really been mentioned much and i feel like if he was the mole grizzly would probably include him more) so lets go over them both separately

Lets establish the info: Jay stole info from the stronghold that said “there is a mole on Lizzie’s ship”, we don’t know the mole’s nickname, and even still grizz said its coded so well its impossible to tell who it is. It can’t be Lizzie as its described as being on HER ship, and her entire character would not support being a navy mole, she literally hates the navy.

CASPIAN: He’s Lizzie’s first mate, iirc they were on another crew together before their current crew. We know he’s from an outskirt settlement in the undersea, and that he has a sister (who may be an elder, grizzly described one of the elder’s looking very similar to caspian). Overall we don’t know too much about him, which makes him that more suspicious. Bizly immediately thought Caspian is the spy once that was brought up, and Caspian is just so close to Lizzie he surely has heard every detail about this plan attacking the solstice stronghold.

MARSHALL JOHN: He’s just as likely I think to be a mole. We know he was formerly in the navy, as we saw him in the first episode, but when he supposedly becomes a pirate and meets with the riptide pirates. He talks about how he wants to join Lizzie’s crew specifically, after he turns down chip’s offer to join their crew. But he was captured after the paramount tournament, before he really could become part of their crew. He was frozen inside the Block, so the navy surely wasn’t happy with him, not exactly how you’d really think they’d treat a mole. BUT then again we know they’re undercover and hidden so well that who exactly in the navy would know he’s a spy? Jayson Ferin was in that raid, so wouldnt a vice admiral know who their own spies are and not doom them to the block?

Also an honorable mention, that Edyn could be the mole. But I don’t think she’s a part of their crew, but we did see her talking to a member of the navy, and she surely has motivations for working with them, against the undersea or specifically the elders for her brother. Apart from her mention in the feywild and her answering gillion’s call in episode 86(?), we haven’t seen her since the riptide pirates left allport like episode 62/63- over 50 episodes ago.

Either way, it will be absolutely devastating once they’re revealed. How will Jay tell her crew who the spy was? What if shes captured too but maybe someone like Queen made it back and told the crew in the Black sea. Imagine they’re freaking out, Jay and the rest missing, and tells them who the spy was and how the rest of the crew is captured and probably gonna be executed or smth. Dude.

What if none of them make it back? What if Jay is the only one that makes it back?

[brokenjere]

seventeen going under (j.f) (chap. 20)

seventeen going under (j.f)

a/n: this is the second to last chapter *internally crying* 😩😩 I'm so happy to have shared this with you all and am so grateful for everyone who has loved it as much as i have and i hope to continue to share more stories with you in the future - let me know if you'd like to be notified for the final part and don't be shy to leave your thoughts below 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

catch up here

I snuck into Belly’s room late. It was still raining out. It wasn’t a downpour like yesterday but it was still enough that it made my hair wet as I walked over to the house next door and I could hear the rain hitting the cement when I went inside. The entire house was dark and I was pretty sure everyone was asleep. There wasn’t a single sound in the house except for the faint noise of the TV in the living room. The light was off but the screen illuminated Susannah’s sleeping body. I tip-toed up the stairs quietly and passed Jeremiah’s room and into Belly’s. She was asleep but her eyes fluttered when I crawled into bed next to her. 

“Yn?” She asked. Her voice was raspy and full of sleep and she barely could open her eyes to look at me but she still smiled when she saw me. “What are you doing here?” 

“I just missed you. I’m sorry about the ball and Susannah,” I said. Belly rolled over on her back, just as I was laying, and sighed. “I’m sorry I kept it from you.” I realized, while everyone was mad at me and the world was dark, that I had also lied to her. It wasn’t just Jeremiah I hurt, it was Belly, too. 

“Conrad made you promise, didn’t he?” I nodded but remembered she probably could see me so I said yes out loud. “That’s why he was being weird all summer, right?” I said yes again. She was quiet. 

“It’s going to be okay,” I whispered. I thought that was the right thing to say. It seemed like the right thing to say. I could feel the pillow case was wet under my face from her crying and I could only imagine how devastated she was when she found out. How a life without Susannah was probably just as bad for her as it was for the boys. It might not be okay but maybe it made her feel better for the time being. 

“I hope so,” she whispered back. We laid together in silence until her breathing got steady and I was pretty sure she was asleep. I reached my hand over the headboard and knocked three times. I waited for a reply and didn’t hear anything so I knocked one more time. Before I could knock for the third time, I heard three coming from the other side. My heart skipped and I rolled out of her bed quietly. When I opened the door, no one was there. Then, his door cracked open. He had bags under his eyes and disheveled hair. That was what my eyes saw first but then they trailed down to his shirtless torso and defined muscles. He was here. 

“Jere.” It was all I could muster. My throat was tight and dry. He reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me into his bedroom without saying a word. I was engulfed by his scent. His arms were like a weighted blanket around my body, keeping me grounded to the Earth like a force stronger than gravity. His breath tickled my ear and I nuzzled my face into his neck. He felt like home. “I’m so sorry.” 

He shook his head and his hair tickled my nose. “I should have called,” he said. That was so like Jeremiah to apologize when he wasn’t in the wrong. I reluctantly pulled away from him. I wanted to take a picture of him and keep this image of him in my pocket forever. He reached out for me again. Grabbed at any part of my flesh he could hold on to. 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry about Susannah.” My voice felt frantic. In the moonlit bedroom, everything felt surreal. As if we were in a movie and the only ending possible was a happy one but this was real life and I didn’t know if that was possible here. I looked at him and thought maybe it was. I let myself believe that it was possible but when the sun came up, I knew it would be different. 

His fingers looped around mine and he pulled me to his bed and into his lap. He kissed my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around his neck and nothing has ever felt this normal. Our bodies were made to sit like this together. “You’ve known since Spring?” He eventually croaked out. His fingers were combing through my still damp hair and I felt his urge to cry. His voice sounded hoarse from either crying or not speaking for a while. He didn’t sound himself. I wonder how much of him had washed away with the salt in his tears. I nodded. We stared at our bony knees. 4 little rocks in a row. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Conrad asked me not to.” 

“So you’re loyal to him then?” He looked up at me through his lashes. I wrapped a curl around my finger to tell him I loved him. 

“No that’s not-“ I stopped. I didn’t know what to say. Of course I was loyal to Conrad, he was my friend. My family. He made me promise and I had to keep it no matter how many times I wanted to break it. “I wanted to tell you but he asked me not to. I almost told you so many times but I was mad at you when I promised him. I’m sorry.” I didn’t know if my excuses were registering in his brain. If they’d make it better. There was no solid excuse or reason for me to lie to him that way. I kept a life changing thing from him and I deserved to feel every ounce of his pain. 

“You were mad about Vivian,” he clarified. I nodded. “So you promised him you’d lie to me for an unknown amount of time and then lost your virginity to him?” His voice was not malicious. There was no anger or spite in his words. He asked me as if he was asking so I take a left at this light and then go straight until I see the Denny’s? 

“Well when you say it like that,” I mumbled and shifted my legs in his lap. His body this close to mine felt sticky and hot but he squeezed his arms around my waist three times to tell me he loved me. 

“Like what? That’s what happened.” 

“Yeah. I guess so. We were both upset.” 

“I never had sex with Vivian,” he told me. 

“But you had sex with other people. I wasn’t your first and you weren’t mine. What’s the difference? I don’t know every girl you’ve fucked.” He held his breath and we looked at each other for a few moments. 

In the distance between our faces was all the words we had never said. I have loved you from the beginning. Every birthday, I wished for you. Every shooting star had your name written on it and every four leaf clover was found in your garden. I need you. You are my forever. 

“Macy Witnall. Sophomore year. She was in my English class and I needed help with an essay and you were too busy doing math with Conrad that I asked her instead. She wore too much perfume and despite not having big boobs, she wore an insanely tight shirt that showed too much cleavage. She kissed me and kissed me until we didn’t have any clothes on and I had sex with her on her basement couch. I lost it to her. Macy. Last year I had sex with Luisa Pilman in her bedroom. We had been talking for a little while and I liked the way she smiled and laughed at all my jokes. I only kissed Vivian because I was drunk and she was there. It could have been anyone. I wanted it to be you. I know that doesn’t mean anything now and didn’t mean anything then, either but I need you to know it has always been you.” I was holding my breath the entire time he spoke. It all came out like word vomit but it was calculated and careful. Like a speech he wrote in advance but I knew he didn’t. He waited for me to speak and when I didn’t he said, “so you’re right. You were allowed to have sex with other people but why did it have to be my brother?” 

“Were?” I asked. “I was allowed?” 

“I always felt like you were mine. Like you belonged to me even though you didn’t. So yeah, you were allowed to do whatever you want but now you really are mine. Okay? You’re my girl. Is that okay?” 

I bent down and kissed his forehead and then his cheekbone. He scratched at the skin on my lower back. I kissed his jawline. He kissed my shoulder and I wanted to nod but I didn’t. I was quiet until I wasn’t. 

“What about Conrad?” I asked. He pulled back and his face fell. The hope that was in it moments ago was now gone. Wrong thing to say, I thought. “I just mean, are you going to be able to get over it? Are you two going to be okay?” Is he going to be able to get over me? I wanted to ask. 

“We’re brothers. We’ll get through it.” I nodded. “Are you sure that’s the only thing holding you back from answering me? I’m willing to forgive you here. Willing to let it all go just to move forward.” 

“Is that all this conversation is? Just a way to get through it?” For some reason, it felt like he cared less. I was thinking he’d come over here and scream and yell and we would fight until our throats were sore but we’d end it in a mess of limbs and sweat and love. This felt less passionate and I didn’t know why it felt less real. 

“Yn. I love you. You’re my best friend. I don’t want to fight with you and if all we have to do to be happy is to move past this. Put it in the rearview and keep going forward. That’s what I’m willing to do.”

+

Mom asked if I wanted to leave Cousin’s early. Go home a few weeks in advance and get ready for my senior year and forget about Jeremiah. She said the last part without really saying the last part. We can get the Fisher’s house in order. To surprise Susannah. We can go school supply shopping and get you a new wardrobe and stay up too late eating pizza. All these things lacked him. 

I told her no, for a while. Until Jeremiah didn't call me the next day, I didn't bother to call him, and I was just floating in the gutter with all the rainwater. I cried all the tears in my body before I told her: "okay, let's go."

The house in Boston always smelled musty when we returned. Too much stagnant air and not enough circulation. Everything needed to be washed and scrubbed and dusted and it didn’t smell like home. My room was cold and the globe on my desk had dust collecting on South Africa. I wiped it away. 

When my bed was warm and clean and smelled like our detergent, I curled into my bed. Cousins was home, too. The ocean waves put me to sleep and the smell of fresh toast in the morning but there was nothing compared to this home. The scratches in the doorframe of the boys and me getting taller, marking the time we all hit puberty and when Jeremiah lost his first tooth. 

This home had all the memories in it. He attached all the birthday cards and notes he attached to the pints of ice cream he delivered. All the stuffed animals he’s given me that live on the shelf in my closet. I reached up and grabbed a little brown bear sitting right in front. I dug around inside his stuffing until I felt the corners of a folded-up piece of paper. It was crumbled and old but I kept it inside of the bear for safekeeping. I unfolded it carefully and read the scribbled handwriting. He was maybe 14 when he wrote this. His handwriting was sloppy and overused and he never dotted his “I”s. 

Yn, 

I hope you like this bear I found at the flea market. Mom said you would. I found some fleece at the flea market, too and I made my mom show me how to sew and made it into a heart using some of his stuffing. I put it inside the bear. It’s yours now. Always and forever. 

Jeremiah 

I felt around for the heart inside of the bear, found it, and pulled it out. It was a piece of red fleece about the size of a quarter stitched together in the shape of a heart. The edges where it was sewn are now frayed and it lost all its plumpness as if it was deflated. It had no more love to give. I squeezed it in my fingers and then kissed it three times. Whenever I missed Jeremiah, this was my ritual. I imagined him asking Susannah if she could teach him to sew as he fondled the fleece at the flea market. Little Jeremiah, looking up at his mom with such hope. It was an innocent love that I bet Susannah could see would one day be more. So she agreed and I imagined her smiling and nodding and taking it home with them. She treated the fabric with love as she showed him how to sketch out the shape, connect the edges, and stuff it full. I imagined him kissing the heart and pressing it to his and then putting it inside the bear. That thought kept me going in the dark nights when he was gone. 

Susannah left a spare key under the mat of the back door in case of emergencies. I wouldn’t call breaking in to clean the house an emergency, but my mom disagreed. ���The key has been used for worse things, have they not?” She asked, eyeing me knowingly. If using the key to sneak into Jeremiah’s room late at night or to get back inside way after curfew and long after Susannah locked the boys out worse, then yes. It had been used for worse things. 

Her house held the same musty smell as ours did and as Mom let all the light in from the outside, I pulled out all of the lemon-scented cleaners. Eventually, the house stopped smelling like a damp, dark, abandoned place, and started to smell like Susannah again. Despite her being gone, her room still had a hint of her in the linens. Once thoroughly washed, it was like she had never left. I was putting Jeremiah’s room back together when the sun started to go down. The laundry had taken all day and now I was struggling with the warm fitted sheet over his mattress. 

I pulled one side over the left top corner and the bottom right would pop off. Eventually, I pulled the mattress up completely in frustration and tried it that way. Under his mattress, on top of the box spring right on the edge, was a small composition notebook with the words to the girl I love scribbled on the white box on the front. I grabbed it and dropped the mattress, all four corners of the sheet snapping to the middle. 

My heart started to pound. His handwriting looked old and young like he had written it long ago. The edges of the notebook were bent, certain pages were bookmarked with the fold of a page and it looked like it had been under the bed for a while. Jeremiah wasn’t a writer. He never expressed any interest in it. He didn’t even like English class but when I flipped through the notebook, every page was covered with words and photographs and candy wrappers at the top of the very first page was my name. I should have shut the notebook and put it back but my eyes couldn’t move away from the words he had written. The first page was dated 2015. We were ten years old, and you could tell how young he was in his handwriting. He was misspelling words and the pencil marks were smeared all over the page. My hands started to shake and my heart was beating faster and faster and faster until I had to sit down. 

The first page had a tootsie roll wrapper taped in the corner and he wrote about our Halloween that year. He went as a cowboy and I just threw on a pair of cat ears and wore all black but we still trick or treated around the neighborhood. We always dumped everything out onto the floor and picked out what our favorites were and divided everything. Jeremiah always let me have more but we fought over the tootsie rolls. He let me have the last one. 

I flipped the page and every single page had an anecdote about our friendship. The time he forced me to jump into the pool for the first time at school because I was too scared. That Thanksgiving when I told Susannah I would help make the turkey and I told her I had it and I didn’t and it fell onto the floor and we jumped into a pile of leaves later that afternoon. Straw wrappers from when we shared milkshakes at the diner a few blocks away and the receipt from every time we got ice cream. I always wondered why he grabbed those. From 2015 to 2020, half of the notebook was filled. Every page. Photos of us that our moms took were tacked in the corners and he wrote a description on each and every one of them. 2016 - look how pretty your eyes are. 2018 - I love how you’re smiling in this one. Like you’ve never been happier. You make me so happy. 2020 - Happy New Year’s, yn. My resolution is you. 

The next page was dated on my fifteenth birthday. The day I was dumped for the first time. The day that I knew I loved Jeremiah Fisher. He wrote: Elijah broke up with you today. How could he do that? Look at how beautiful you were. I punched him in the face and I don’t know why. I was just so mad and it was my first instinct but caring for you was my second. He left you but I never will, okay? This is my promise to you. I will love you until the end of time. 

I shut the notebook and held it in my lap. What was this? I turned it around in my hands. There was nothing written on the back but he had left it here. There weren’t any notes written during the summer months. Sometimes he would write when we got back and detail important things but he never brought it with him. I flipped back open the notebook to the last page written. 

Yn, I have written a hundred letters to you in this notebook but for some reason, this feels like my most important. I even opened up a dictionary to look for words to make me sound more impressive because as you know, words are not my strong suit. I am not a lyrical (nice one, huh?) guy. I don’t express my emotions the right way, if ever, but I have to get this down. You need to know. The date right now is June 2nd, 2022. We’re leaving for Cousin’s today and I think you’re still mad at me.

I turned a few pages back to the one he wrote about our fight about Vivian. It was a long string of apologies and begging that I would never see. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I love you. I meant what I said I don’t know why I did that. Fuck I’m so stupid, I love you. I love you. I love you. I flipped back to the last page.

I hope you’re not mad at me because I can’t apologize anymore. The words just dry up every time because I know it’s not enough. I need a tangible (!!!) piece of evidence that I loved you this summer. I loved you the summer before and the summer before that and all the seasons in between. When the leaves were falling, I wanted to pick them up into a bouquet for you and when the snow was falling I wanted to collect the flakes into a globe. When the spring brings nothing but rain showers, I want to dance with you in the storm because with you, I can withstand (good right?) any weather. Just know, if the universe decides you and I are not meant to be, I will love you until my last dying breath. If the stars do not align and the world does not seize (my mom helped me with that one) to spin if you and I have to part, know you will forever be in my heart. 

Who knows maybe one day I will give this to you. When we’re old and wrinkly and in love, I can give this to you and say, “see! I have loved you longer than you’ve loved me!” And we’ll fight about it and you’ll say, “no you have not!” And then I’ll have this proof. Where’s yours? 

Forever yours, 

Jeremiah 

There was a photo of us taped to the bottom. One he took while we packed really late at night in his bedroom. I looked exhausted but in love. I loved him in that moment and every moment before and every moment after.

My fingers were trembling. I didn’t even realize until his name was shaking and blurry from the tears forming in my eyes. I closed the notebook and put it back where I found it. I made the bed like I was never there and closed the door behind me. 

His tangible evidence. The irrevocable proof that he loved me was sitting under his bed collecting dust. Where’s yours? I had nothing. I had no proof. I barely had the words to tell him. Even when words are flying all around my head, I can’t seem to catch one. None of them seemed to be the right ones. 

I left Cousins like a coward. It was probably the last summer we all would be together and I left without saying a word. Mom told me I’d regret it if I didn't say goodbye but I didn’t do it anyway. What was there to regret? I’d see Jeremiah and Conrad when they got home. I missed Belly, though. I wished I had said goodbye to her. 

Conrad caught me before I left as I threw my suitcase in the trunk. I could barely zip it up so Dad grabbed a bungee cord out of the garage and strapped it close. I don’t know how I got it to close back home and I didn’t buy much while I was here that wasn’t staying here but it was still bulging open. 

“Need some help?” I turned around as the suitcase landed with a thunk. He was smiling, despite everything. I hadn’t seen him in three days since the debutante ball and here he was, smiling at me. 

“No, I’m okay.” 

“You’re leaving,” he observed. I nodded my head. “Were you going to say bye?” 

“No,” I told him honestly. His smile faded and he nodded solemnly, looking down at his feet. His right eye was bruised a light purple shade. It was the only difference in his face. “I didn’t think you guys wanted me to.” I was the Cousin’s pariah this week. No one wanted to talk to me. I never received any texts from the girls. Even Belly and Steven had been keeping their distance because how could I have hurt Jeremiah Fisher that way. “Besides, I’ll see you guys back home.” 

“It’s not the same,” he said. We had a tradition every summer to end it on the beach. We spent the entire day, no matter what, at the beach in our swimsuits and we didn’t leave until the sun came back up the next day. It was our way to savor the last bit of heat. To soak up the last bit of sun. To drown in the last bit of ocean. Now, it would just be the four of them. “Have you talked to him?”

“Jere?” I was surprised he asked me this. I wondered what happened between them behind closed doors. After Susannah went to sleep and she was no longer the elephant in the room. Did they hash it out once the dust settled? Did they flip a coin and whoever won got me forever? Or did their resentment linger in the unspoken words between them until it was too much to bear. 

“Yeah,” I said. “A little.” 

“And?” 

“And what?” 

“What did he say? Are you two together?” I furrowed my eyebrows and Dad came out of the house. We both looked in his direction and he offered an apology before turning back into the house. I used this interruption to turn around and close the trunk, moving toward the backseat of the car and ignoring Conrad’s question. “Yn, you can tell me.” 

I looked over at him and sighed. “No,” I whispered. His face didn’t light up like I thought it would have but he did smile a little. He stepped closer. “We’re going to wait until we’re back in Boston. When everything settles down. When Susannah isn’t sick anymore.” 

“She’ll always be sick until she’s gone.” His words are true and hurtful and sharp. They pierce me deeper than I thought they could and I sucked in a breath. “Why wait? If you love each other.” 

I didn’t have an answer for that. I guess, realistically, we didn’t need to wait. But the universe always seemed to come between us and if that was the case, was it really meant to be? “What are you trying to do?” I snapped. “He’s your brother.” 

“Yeah. He is my brother. You seem to remind me of that quite often for someone who seemed to have forgotten it when it really mattered.” I threw my hands up, stumbling backward until there was enough distance between us to be able to breathe again. Conrad reached out for me and I let him take my hands and steady me. “I didn’t come here to argue,” he said. 

“Then why did you come here?” 

“I came here to tell you that I’m backing off.” That was the last thing I expected him to say. Conrad Fisher was not the type of guy to steal a girl from his brother but he also was not the type of guy to back down when he really wanted something. I guess loyalty won out this time. “You two,” he paused and took a deep breath, “the love you two have is something I have always craved and it’s something I think I’ve always been jealous of. I wanted it to be me so bad but it was always him. You’re right.” 

He held up my hands and kissed my knuckles gently. “You’re going to find someone,” I said. It was all I could think to say because no words were coming to me. 

“You don’t get it, do you? Jeremiah has never loved another girl. He probably tried. He probably really tried but he has always loved you. The sun rises in his world for you and it sets for you and it spins for you. I think the same is true for him in your world. It’s okay if you can’t love me that way. It’s okay if you don’t want to. Just promise me that you will take care of my brother because I will make sure he takes care of you.” He dropped my hands and caressed my cheek but I didn’t feel the need to back away. I let him touch me for probably the last time. I let him do what he pleased. If the Earth was made just for me, it wouldn’t spin around the sun, it would orbit around Jeremiah’s smile.

I wanted to offer him some sort of solace. Something that could make his heart mend a little so I could no longer hear it cracking under his chest. “You’re my best friend, too, you know?” Crack. Crack. Crack. “You’re just as important to me as he is. The lines just got blurry, I don’t know.” He shook his head and cupped my cheeks. “I’m sorry.” I was crying. I felt the water pool around his fingers. 

“I’m not going anywhere. We need each other.” 

We needed each other. I needed the Fisher’s like I needed air to breathe and water to live. Conrad stared at me like he needed me, too. 

I was upstairs in my room when I heard the car pull up outside. Susannah’s car was now in her empty driveway and everyone piled out and scurried across the lawn like bed bugs. I watched them as Conrad helped get the suitcases out of the trunk and Jeremiah held the door open for Susannah. They were in and out until the driveway had no more evidence of them coming home besides the white car. Jeremiah looked up to my window before he shut the front door for good. 

Downstairs, Mom was making muffins. The smell of bananas filled the entire house. When I asked her what she was doing she said “I’m going to bring them to Susannah’s later, wanna come?” She knew the answer before I shook my head. “You should come to see the boys. I bet they miss you.” 

“Mom,” I started, “have you ever had to pick? Between two boys?” She set the spatula in her hands down. The wooden handle was covered in batter from her hands. They were messy and sticky so she used the back of her wrist to itch her nose. 

“I don’t think I have, no,” she said. “But then again, there wasn’t ever a choice with your dad.” 

“How did you know?” I thought for a second that if I had to ask that question then maybe I already knew the answer but I had to ask her anyway. 

“I guess it just always felt right,” she told me. She could see the disappointment on my face from her answer. The sunken shame in my eyes for not just knowing. “But it’s okay to doubt yourself sometimes. To doubt if you’re making the right choice. You’ll always wonder what if.” I wanted to ask her if she ever had a what if. Someone that came into her life after she met Dad and made her question things but I had a feeling she would tell me no. “I think you know what the right choice is and you being confused and questioning and making mistakes is just your brain’s way of stalling because you’re scared.” 

“Maybe you’re right,” I said. She went back to mixing the muffin batter and I picked at one of the ones already baked. They were warm and buttery and tasted like bananas. They were perfect. 

“You’ll make the right choice. Just listen.” She patted at her chest where her heart was caged by her ribs. Just listen. I closed my eyes and tried to listen. I heard Jeremiah’s voice. His laugh when he thought something was really, truly funny and then his laugh when he tried too hard and didn’t really think what was said was that funny. I saw his eyes and his hair and felt his hands on my body. I listened and listened until I heard him say I love you. I need you. You’re the one. His voice morphed into Conrad’s. It was no longer light and airy and full of love. It was raspy and deep and full of something more sinister. Pain. Regret. I love you. I need you. I saw Conrad’s smile when I finally got something right in math or when I told him I liked the book he recommended. I hear his laughter when it’s muffled because he’s a few rooms away and I’m in Jeremiah’s room but for some reason my ear drums pick up that. I see his eyes. His smile. The dimples that form in his cheeks when he smiles too big. I opened my eyes and my mom was watching me intently.

 “She’s full of shit,” I mumbled. I walked out of the kitchen and went back upstairs. 

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