#when i was talking to my irl friend about this; he enjoyed that the society was flawed and didn’t think it needed to be fixed

[moash]

i feel like the vibe of the wob is kind of just that brandon hasn’t really thought about it or considered that people still care, but the more people ask these kinds of things the more he will know we ARE waiting for him to deliver on these issues

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Wanted to ask, is Eridan's relationship with his dad ok? Like when Eridan was learning how to use his harpoon gun he seemed very much distressed and not enjoying any of it

The only real canon characterization we have of seahorsedad is that the version of him that's Cronus's lusus is "stern, fatherly" and that he ditches Cronus for Hussie, although that last one is mostly just a Bit so I don't really count it as characterization. He's also willing to go along with Eridan "doing something ridiculous," though, again, that's kind of a Bit and it's unclear how canon that is.

((cw for abuse and stuff beneath the readmore))

As such, pretty much anything I say is going to be pure extrapolation that serves my characterization of Eridan, and I can't really back it up with hard textual evidence. But, personally, I think Eridan believes his relationship with his lusus is "good" in the way that many children growing up beneath strict, emotionally neglectful, and even outright abusive parents do.

We know that Eridan has very few friends. He doesn't even really talk to half the people in their group chat, and according to Feferi, he's never spent more than a few days underwater, total, in his whole life. Add onto that that lusus murder (and, by extension, the culling of the orphaned troll) has been his duty long enough that he describes it is "the only thing i evver did," I think it's a reasonable assumption to make that he also has no IRL friends, aside from Feferi.

And to give an idea of how old Eridan was when he started having to murder lusii, here's how old Vriska was when she was expected to start feeding spidermom:

This, and the fact that Dualscar was called "Orphaner" because the job of feeding Gl'bgolyb was his even into adulthood (as he lived before the Summoner's rebellion and the removal of adult trolls from Alternia), and the fact that no one, including Feferi, ever shows any gratitude towards Eridan for performing the job, supports the idea that feeding Gl'bgolyb has always been a violet blood's responsibility. After all, Feferi makes overtures about not being better than other trolls, but she sure does revel in being royalty when she can get away with it. It'd be in character for her to not be particularly grateful to Eridan because she sees lusus murder as fundamentally being his responsibility, especially if he started when they were both REALLY young.

In other words, Eridan was expected to start murdering lusii (and by extension, other trolls) from the moment he was old enough to do so, which, judging by how old Vriska was when she started killing trolls for Spidermom, is not very old at all.

Also, given the lifespan of violet bloods, it's entirely possible - and my personal belief - that Seahorsedad was Dualscar's lusus as well as Eridan's. Even without that being the case, since it was always Eridan's job to hunt and kill lusii, the biggest possible culprit for inducting him into his role would be his lusus.

And let's be clear, I think the fact that having to murder lusii/trolls is the biggest culprit for what's fucked Eridan up the most. The pressure of having the safety of the entire race on his shoulders, the fear of Gl'bgolyb and what happens if he ever fails, and the guilt of taking lives (which we do know Eridan thinks about) have left him with genuine struggles caring about other people, a nasty martyr complex (which isn't unjustified), extremely unstable and negative emotions, shattered interpersonal relationships, and a deep, nihilistic sense of resignation towards his place in society. The latter has directly led to him attempting to embrace that place by tricking himself into thinking he believes in hemocasteist, sea dweller supremacy rhetoric - which his actions contradict - because, without the game's intervention, he had no other options available for him but to become a key figure in the imperial army, continue murdering other sapient creatures until he died, and watch all his few friends die before him, either when they got culled, killed on the battlefield, or purely dropped dead of old age.

And, like... a parent who does that to their child, even if we assume the absolute best (that Seahorsedad does genuinely care about Eridan), can't possibly have a fully healthy relationship with said child. And I think it's not unreasonable to assume that the best is not what's happening between Eridan and Seahorsedad, because Eridan's psychological profile is so fucked up that I highly doubt he was receiving much, if any, actual affection or support from his lusus. Personally, I think his lusus was "stern and fatherly" in the worst possible way - high expectations, no emotional warmth, and complete disregard for Eridan's psychological well-being, as long as he was producing adequate results.

Because Eridan craves attention, and has very little distinction between good and bad attention. He's naive and trusting to a fault, hardly ever suspects anybody of lying to him, and has basically no social skills. These all say to me that Seahorsedad is just, like... not giving him any emotional attention at ALL.

And poor Eridan is just 13 years old - still too young to fully realize how poorly he's being treated by people who are supposed to care about him. Like, yeah, he's completely obnoxious and exhausting to talk to, and you can't really blame Feferi or Kanaya for being sick of listening to him, but at the same time, some of the shit they do to him as a result is honestly just mean. Like Kanaya is just actually bullying him- training him up to be a wizard as a joke, shitting on him behind his back with Rose, making fun of him to his face - and yet:

He's just that fucking desperate for people to care about him and support him; I can't help but think he's just not getting that at home, you know?

So I think if you asked Eridan, he'd say that his relationship with his lusus was good, and that his lusus was proud and noble and stoic, and absolutely a great custodian, and there were no problems at all.

But I think if you were to dig deeper into their relationship, you'd start to hear worrying things like that Eridan never got to celebrate Twelfth Perigrees, and was instead dragged out to go lusus hunting because it was particularly easy to do so on that day. Or that his lusus had to pull the trigger FOR him the first time they ever went hunting, because his own hands were shaking too hard. Or that he'd be locked out of the hive every time he cried, until he stopped crying altogether. Or that he thinks he's never been sick a day in his life because he was never allowed to have an off day and not go hunting and now he's just used to ignoring any and all symptoms. So on and so forth.

He reacts EXTREMELY POORLY to Feferi saying she feels like she needed to look after him - more poorly than to the initial news that she was trying to break up with him:

And I think that's because weakness was punished in his household growing up. He wasn't allowed to be weak - he was nobility, royalty. He had duties, responsibilities. If he faltered, their whole race died. And when you consider the fact that "you have to kill things for the good of everyone you care about, all the time, constantly," is the abject lesson that's been hammered into him since he was old enough to walk and talk, the fact that he's so incredibly fucking adamant about murdering angels starts to be a little... sad. He's just stuck in that mindset. He doesn't know how to escape it.

So... yeah. In summary: his relationship with his dad is great!

[irlfelixcatton]

TALK ABOUT THE TRANSMASCULINE ALLEGORY!!! i want to hear your thoughts

ok. the long awaited oliver quick transmasculine allegory post.

to be so real it is mainly me doing 2 (two things)

-projecting

-using insanely obvious prompts from the text to pull shit out of my ass

i do think that oliver quick's character COULD. MAYBE. be either headcanon'd as trans (BOOORRRINNGG) or a lot of his actions in act one can be closely tied to very common trans experiences.

my biggest thing on 'common' trans experiences as it relates to saltburn, is meeting a cis man and latching onto him with every fiber of your being, because you can't be friends with him, you need to *be* him. the first thing that really prompted me to look at saltburn from this lense was when farleigh goes "[you're almost passing as] a real human boy!", though it's clearly about oliver wearing a rental suit, it's a phrase that i've heard a million times over and over again, and i think that oliver, within this transmaculine concept of his character, dances CONSTANTLY on this imaginary line of "real boy" to "weirdo freak" that i think a lot of trans people can relate to. (i will touch on 'real boy' again later)

theres also an aspect of this incessant watching and dissecting cis men, what they wear, how they talk, how they fuck. and with all of this watching, there's this part of melding your identity into what you're watching, which we see starkly with oliver. at the beginning, when he's this oxford kid, a freak if you will, but he's more or less himself, version A. once he meets felix, he ditches the glasses, the button up shirts, the uptight manner, and turns into this entirely different version of "himself", version B. version B is the version he's taught himself that society will like much more than version A, so it consumes him entirely. version A wasn't someone that girls would fuck, felix would love, and quite frankly be 'enjoyed' by the rest of the world. version A is pre-transition, and version B is post. (all this to say, in relation to irl transition, neither version A or version B are right, good, or bad, they're whatever you want them to be. beauty is in the eye of the beholder)

THIS PART IS JUST WORD VOMIT AND DOESN'T NECESSARILY PERTAIN TO MY POINT OF TRANSMASCULINE ALLEGORY. SCROLL AT YOUR OWN RISK.

for me, another piece i think about a lot is the “you’re just so real” (venetia) but that’s a bit more of a stretch. the reason i think this relates to the main point, is so many trans people have to work and rework their personality so that their 'transness' is socially palatable, real. the catton's have no general perception of a real person, they surround themselves with fake, upper class socialites who lie and cheat. but even if they met a real person, they wouldn't know it. and they don't lol. so when oliver comes around, who isn't this upper class socialite, the initial thought is that he's this "real" and "grounded" person. however, the only reason that the catton's (general society in this case) find oliver (trans people) so "real" and more or less worth accepting into their family is because he has worked and reworked his identity to be so similar and likeable to felix's.

there's also the conversation on cattonquick being a really good representation of what a mlm cis/trans relationship can feel like so much of the time. but i'll only really expand on this if any1 is interested lol. anyways pls dm me or comment on this i really want to talk more about it more.

[amiharana]

Bored with nothing to do so I’m requesting streamer au again 😕🏃🏻‍♀️🤙

ask and ye shall receive ☝️😌✨ i mentioned in the tags that the last time i posted about streamer au that i wanna write the champions going to twitchcon and sharing an airbnb together sooo 👹

i'm actually not too sure how to incorporate the location of twitchcon into this au, because (1) i've never been to twitchcon actually KJDJFKKJS and (2) it depends on whether or not hyrule is divorced from the u.s. & the rest of human society e.g. a universe where hyrule is the country analogous to the u.s.... for purposes of this au, i've been kind of writing hyrule as a city that all the champions live in, so maybe it can be somewhere in the u.s.? what state does the city of hyrule give LOL

reading the wikipedia about twitchcon tells me that most of the cons have been held in san diego, CA so all the champions fly there together for the con, and could you just imagine them at an airport 😭 like you know those tiktoks of people either traveling with their family or their friend group and in each case there's always like the dad/dad-friend who's in charge of everything, from being there super early to holding all the passports, etc? because i can totally see daruk being that guy HAHAHKDJHFDKJ

outside of being a streamer, daruk is a dad irl and the oldest of the champs so he quite literally sees all of them as his kiddos 🥹 the flight will be at like 5pm but daruk insists on being there at the airport at 9am, he'd write labels on each of the champions' luggage with their contact information, he would put all their plane tickets into a manila folder and keeps a death grip on it until they reach the desk for boarding 😭 the dad instinct has been Activated ✅ and then when they get on the plane, daruk gets his little travel neck pillow on and conks the fuck out once the plane takes off 😄

before i continue, here's the plane seating configuration i was thinking of in my head:

most planes are usually three-seaters instead of two but for purposes of this ficlet idrgaf 🤞🤓 move along and get with the fantasy 🙏❤️

urbosa will just be chilling to herself (i have this image of her with earphones in and also knitting? no one knew that urbosa was a knitter including me), sidon is talking to zelda's manager impa, and mipha and zelda are talking and giggling to themselves bc they're gfs now <3 but link and revali? woof. these homos are totally going to be shyly holding hands on the plane the whole time, and then when they land, zelda will post a selfie of her looking extremely unamused on the plane next to mipha giggling, with link in the background looking at revali with wide eyes blushing while revali is holding up their intertwined hands to his lips.

in my head, this is gonna be set after the LOH show from the last streamer au ask, but before the date that revali had planned during the show. so throughout the entirety of the event, from the plane rides to and from twitchcon to the sitting together at their panel, revali and link have Hella Tension with each other. since the date that revali had planned during the LOH hasn't happened yet (they have a day in mind though hehe), they're both anticipating it and are also in this limbo stage of being exclusive but not really having an actual label on their relationship. all they know is they really enjoy each other's presence and perhaps they'd like to be around each other more often :>

but link is still insecure and still quite surprised that revali even returns his interest, that the date has been planned and is on an actual, real day and that revali wants to go out with him, and oh goddess revali wants to go out with him. it has him sitting tensely in his seat, nearly sweating because this has to be some sort of fever dream, right? revali, a streamer infamous for his rather arrogant, brutal words and attitude, who has had all the disparaging insults to say about link, and doesn't miss a single chance to rag on him. this couldn't have been the same revali who looked at him so fondly through the camera on the LOH stream, who has taken note of everything link says offhandedly, who sent him a heart in their discord dms (and revali never uses emojis). this has to be some elaborate prank on link and—

he feels a sharp tap on the side of his head, knocking him out of his downward spiral, and he looks up, rubbing his head and ready to bicker with zelda, but it isn't zelda who's hit him. revali stares down at him, one knee on the plane seat and his hands on the headrests in their row and in front of them.

"stop thinking so loud," revali says, before finally sitting in his seat properly. "it's painful to watch."

link scoffs and rolls his eyes. "any more painful than watching you fall in the xp farm while you were making it?"

"maybe don't hit me while i'm building next time and i won't fall in," revali snips back.

"you were wearing an elytra."

"and with what space, pray tell, could i have used to gain altitude? it's a vertical column, you absolute fool, the only way was down."

"and down you went, so i could take all your xp," link replies cheerfully.

revali rolls his eyes as he finishes settling into his seat. "and you'll still use all of that on the worst combination of enchantments possible." they both fall silent, the quiet din of voices around the plane their background noise.

"what were you thinking about?" revali then says quietly, suddenly. link glances at him and is surprised to find the other man staring at him with genuine concern. butterflies come to life in link's stomach, so he averts his eyes, down at his fidgeting hands in his lap. there was no eloquent way to phrase his worries about their date to revali, of all people.

"don't tell me you have flight anxiety now," revali murmurs. it sounds like it was meant to be a joke, but it misses its mark when link doesn't answer, fingers still fidgeting in his lap. "link?"

"i'm not worried about flying or the plane," link mutters. "i've traveled by air before plenty of times, it's not that."

"then what's got you all locked up like this?" revali replies, in the same quiet voice. link still doesn't say anything. "link..."

then, revali reaches for the blond's hand, smoothly intertwining their fingers and bringing it upwards, propping his elbow on the armrest between them. link's eyes widen, blinking, and he slowly moves his gaze from his lap to their intertwined fingers, and then to revali's face. he only stares back, a rather soft look in his eyes, and the butterflies in link's stomach burst to life again.

"you don't have to tell me if it's something personal," revali says, and his tone is so gentle, link thinks he's going to melt in his seat right there. is this the same revali who called him a fool less than a minute ago? "but don't bottle it all up or you'll end up exploding. it'll only make things worse and we wouldn't want that, would we?"

link stares at him with the same wide eyes for a moment longer, and then nods once slowly. "yeah, i guess you're right," he whispers, and after another second, he squeezes revali's hand softly. it seems to make revali's gaze soften even further, and he squeezes back.

"is there anything i can do to help?" revali murmurs. link blinks at him, and suddenly, it feels like the floodgates have opened and he can't stop himself from telling the truth.

"it's the date," link blurts aloud, his cheeks warming and turning pink. shit.

revali's head tilts to the side slightly. "the date?" he repeats. "the one we—?"

"yeah," link whispers. under revali's gaze, filled with such genuine concern, he feels shy again and he looks back down at the other hand in his lap. "it's just... i know we talked about it already, but it just doesn't feel real, like it's all some prank, you know?" he giggles nervously, his left leg beginning to bounce. "knowing you, i wouldn't put it past you to plan one as elaborate at this either, but even if it wasn't a prank, i can barely wrap my mind around that it's actually going to happen."

revali doesn't say anything for a couple moments, and it makes link more nervous, his leg bouncing a little faster, his heart pounding a little harder. please say something, he thinks to himself.

"you know," revali says finally, still in that ever so gentle tone, "we don't have to do the date." and link's heart drops to his stomach. "it was never something i was going to force on you, especially not on that pathetic joke of a show. don't feel like you have to go on a date with me to please your fans if it makes you uncomfortable—"

"no," link says, whipping his head to look at revali with wide, horrified eyes. "th-that's not what i was trying to say, i do want to go on the date with you." admitting it out loud makes link blush and he wants to melt into a puddle in revali's surprised green gaze, but he can't keep shying away. so link steels himself and maintains eye contact with revali, taking a breath before continuing. "i do want to. please trust me on that, i do. i'm just nervous about it because..." link swallows. "i like you, like a lot, and this date is like, confirming that you like me back and actually planning to go on it is insane, because i never thought you'd really return my feelings and what if you back out? because i'm not gonna stop you if you don't wanna go on the date anymore, but i want to go on it so bad 'cause—"

"hey," revali cuts him off, with a strangely soft voice. "breathe for me, darling."

link blinks and then lets go of a long breath he didn't know had accumulated in his lungs. revali nods reassuringly and squeezes his hand again. "one more time," he says in that same soft voice, so link does, breathing in deeply and releasing it slowly. he feels much calmer now.

but then, revali presses his lips to their intertwined fingers, to the back of link's hand. "i want to go on the date with you too," revali murmurs to the skin, and link nearly shivers. "and believe me, i won't be backing out unless you do, because i like you too." he tilts his head slightly to the side. "do you think i'd be so cruel to drag this out if i truly didn't want to go? if anything, i should be worrying about whether or not you want to go through with it since i was the one who planned and proposed it."

"well, sometimes you're too proud to admit you're uncomfortable when it's about being better than me," link mumbles. "i would have been doing us both a favor..."

"i'm not uncomfortable," revali says softly, reassuringly, "but it's good to know that i wouldn't have been the first to back out." he smirks a little, but the fond look in his eyes betrays him.

link's stomach erupts into yet another swarm of butterflies, but he tries to play it off and scoffs. "this isn't a competition, revali."

"perhaps i'll make it into one, if that's what'll get into your stupid little skull that i want to go out with you too." the blond blinks and suddenly, revali's lips are grazing the tip of link's oh-so-sensitive ear. "first to back out of the date loses," he murmurs, the vibrations of his voice tingling into the shell of it.

in an instant, a million thoughts race around inside of link's head, and at the same time, he can feel his face reddening and dripping off of his skull like lava. his mouth drops and his eyes bulge out of his head, but no words come out as revali gently takes the tip of his ear between his teeth, and link all but short circuits—

"boys, i hope you're behaving yourselves back there," comes urbosa's voice. revali immediately pulls away and sits stiffly in his seat, hands in his lap, looking down. link blinks, missing the warmth though his face still burned, eyes still wide staring at revali, whose cheeks were beginning to match link's. "we have a fairly lengthy flight ahead of us, and i would hate to have to deal with you two causing any sort of trouble."

"like what, joining the mile high club?" zelda snickers across the way, only for mipha to gasp in shock, the both of them erupting into giggles.

link rolls his eyes and he catches revali's jaw tense, but the other man doesn't move from his position. letting out a breath through his nose, link sits back in his seat and looks out the window, watching the ground crew scurrying around and preparing the plane for flight. he's glad to have gotten reassurance and confirmation of their relationship now, at the very least.

but then, he feels revali's fingers slip back into his hand, warm and firm against his palm. link looks back, but revali isn't looking at him, his cheeks perhaps a couple shades darker than when he last looked. the blond just smiles and squeezes his hand, looking back out the plane window as the pilot announces readying for departure in the speakers above. revali squeezes back, and their hands stay intertwined for the rest of the flight.

TEHE THEY'RE IDIOTS IN LOVE. the ground crew are the koroks btw they flew on Great Deku Airlines 🙏 zel n miph definitely take pics of revalink holding hands and also when they fall asleep, link's head on revali's shoulder and revali's head leaning on link's... when urbosa wakes them up during landing, link only groans and tries to curl up closer to revali's side, mumbling about having another five minutes and urbosa is recording the whole thing for the champions vlog later 😹 when they get off the plane, revali is grumpy and glaring down anyone who tries to talk to him, but he adjusts himself when link leans on him sleepily, clinging to his arm 🥺 even in the rental car, link's head falls on revali's shoulder again as he snoozes and revali just stares down the rest of the champions, daring them to say anything as his own cheeks color pink 😄

by the time they get to their airbnb, link has regained some consciousness, but he keeps his head on revali's shoulder blinking sleepily until revali gently taps at his thigh to tell him to get up. there are four rooms in the airbnb, so roomies get assigned as (daruk & sidon), (impa & urbosa), (mipha & zelda), and of course, (revali & link). everyone rolls their eyes when revali and link blush at getting assigned to each other, glancing shyly at each other before looking away 😄

after that, the group begins to explore the airbnb. "this is a very nice place," mipha says politely, running her hand along the wall decor. "however, i didn't expect so much winter-themed decor in midst of summer."

zelda shrugs, following after mipha. "this place is owned by a man named pondo, who appears to have an affinity for the season." they come across a pair of bowling shoes mounted on the wall, surprisingly shiny and clean. "among... other things."

revali rolls his eyes as he follows urbosa down the similarly wintry-themed hallway to the room him and link have been assigned (where did link even go?), rolling both of their luggages along. why is revali taking link's luggage with him, you may ask? it's not like anyone asked him to take link's stuff with him either 😹

urbosa stops before one of the doors nearer to the end of the hall, leaning against its threshold and cocking her head at it. "this one's yours," she says, somewhat amused. "behave yourselves. you might be sharing a room, but we're sharing a whole house."

revali's face flushes and burns like a forest fire. "we're not going to do anything like that," he mutters, unable to meet urbosa's gaze. "we're not even official yet."

"but you're officially holding hands in public," urbosa lilts, pushing herself off of the threshold. "so that's official enough."

he makes a face at her. "i bet you're not even going to tell mipha and zelda the same thing, will you?"

urbosa sighs. "i have to keep a closer eye on both of them, actually. those two are complete menaces now that they're official." she pats at revali's shoulder. "i'll leave you to unpack."

and so revali enters the room, beginning to unpack some of his things and leaving link's stuff by the foot of the bed. when he finishes up, he flops onto the bed, staring at the ceiling of their shared room.

their shared room... revali blinks and sits up as it truly settles in that he and link are going to share a room for the week they're here. oh gods. they're sharing a room for a week, and sharing this one bed in the room. well, revali could always offer to sleep on the couch or make link do it, but he thinks about the warmth of link's hand entwined with his, link's soft sleepy expression gazing back at him, link's unruly blond hair spilling like silk all over his skin and the pillow he's laying upon— revali shakes himself out of his reverie, desperately willing himself not to blush. he shouldn't think such things when they haven't even put a label on their relationship yet—

suddenly, the doorknob turns and clicks open, and in steps link, dripping wet and dressed in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. his modesty (is it modest if you're already wet and half-naked?) is protected with only a gentle one-handed grip to hold the towel together and with his free hand, link pushes his wet bangs up and over his head. oh goddesses. it's like everything is happening in slow motion. revali's lips part, his eyes widening, and he can't look away. he should, because that would be the logical, gentlemanly thing to do, but alas... the droplets of water sliding down the ridges of link's abs are rather... enthralling...

"um," link starts, "hi. i, um, forgot to bring clothes with me to the shower."

"the shower," revali repeats dumbly, and it takes his entire will to force his eyes upward to link's face instead of his very grabbable slim waist, or the v-line slipping under the towel. link's cheeks are tinged pink and his eyes are averted as he scratches at the back of his neck.

goddess, he's adorable, revali thinks immediately before catching himself. he can't say things like this when link is practically naked!

"yeah, i needed to refresh after the flight," link says, biting his lip.

"to refresh," revali repeats, blinking. it feels like his brain is melting and reforming and melting again into a searing hunk of unintelligible meat. he can't form a single coherent, logical thought right now, completely transfixed by the enticing droplets of water sliding down link's pretty throat. refresh... oh goddess, revali needs to get out of here right now. "right, okay, shit, sorry, i'll just—"

revali makes it out of their shared room and into the backyard of the house in record time. urbosa and impa are going over plans at the breakfast nook as he zooms by, beelining for the sliding glass door that leads to the back of the house, but not before urbosa can call out, "i told you to behave!"

revali could behave, alright. but it seemed like revali jr. was going to need a little more restraint.

KFDHUSKDJFHKSDJHFFKH WELL ANYWAYS. idiots to lovers is my favorite trope for these two, like they are the ultimate little freaks ever <3

after link gets his clothes on and revali jr. calms down, the champions have a shitty little dinner composed of various fast food places that were nearby 😹 idk the last time i stayed at an airbnb, i went to get mcdonalds with my cousin in the middle of the night and now it's like a core memory, so i'm passing it onto the champs. i do love me some fries and chicken nuggets though 🤍 impa is outside taking a call at the time, but i'm thinking ab daruk n urbosa with double double burgers and animal fries from in n out..... sidon n mipha with five (5) filet-o-fish sandwiches each 😭 zelda dipping fries into her sundae :] link absolutely would have gotten something from dennys, he's chaos incarnate returning to his homeland (dennys), and revali kind of gives me the vibes that he doesn't fw fast food at all LOL, so he just gets whatever link gets to make it easier on himself, but grumbles and blushes a little when urbosa smiles knowingly at him. hehe >:]

after dinner, they all slowly file off into their rooms to wash up and get ready for bed. there's two bathrooms with showers between the four bedrooms, so they divide the two between the guys and girls. revali takes his shower after sidon, and takes a much quicker one than he's happy with. he totally seems like the type of guy that has an intricate hair care ritual/routine and would hog the bathroom for more than an hour, but link still has to take his actual shower and y'all already know down baddd revali is for him 🤣

revali comes back to their shared bedroom, his hair wrapped up in a towel, dressed in pajama pants and a large plain shirt. link is flopped on the floor of the room as he scrolls through what revali assumes to be tiktok.

"shower's yours," revali says, walking around link and sitting on his side of the bed. he takes off the wrap and bends over to towel dry his hair. "why are you on the floor?"

"my clothes are dirty so i don't wanna get in the bed with them," link says, sitting up and staring at revali. "and i'm sharing with you. i would have thought you would complain if i was in bed with my dirty clothes."

revali fights the heat crawling up his neck and swallows. goddess, they're actually going to share the damn bed. "do whatever you want," he manages in a mumble, sitting back up and throwing his hair back, grabbing the brush he left on the nightstand. "that's... very considerate of you, though."

link hums, before jumping to his feet and taking his stuff with him to the bathroom. when the door shuts with a click, revali glances back at it before letting out a sigh. can he really make it through the night sharing the bed with this heavenly creature of a man that's become rather fond of in the last few weeks?

revali is finishing up with the last of his braid when link comes back from his shower, thankfully fully clothed this time, dressed similarly with pajama pants and a shirt. but instead of practically breaking down the door, link opens it slowly and peeks inside, meeting revali's eyes and neither of them looking away, for several moments.

"are you going to come in or will you stand there the rest of the night like a ghost?" revali says finally, breaking the stare and tying the end of the braid. the only light on in the room now is the lamp beside revali on the nightstand.

link finally opens the rest of the door and shuffles quietly inside, closing it behind him before sitting at the edge of the bed. when revali looks back up, link is looking down at his lap and fingers fidgeting again, like he was in the plane. it makes revali soften, recalling why link had been anxious then.

"getting cold feet?" he says, as softly as he can. link's head shoots up to look at him, eyes wide with terror like he was on the plane when revali suggested that they didn't have to go forward with the date.

"no," the blond answers immediately, but revali can see the way his lip trembles when he says it.

"i can sleep on the couch—" he begins to offer, but link quickly shakes his head and crawls onto the bed to properly sit on it.

"no, i want to—" he starts before cutting himself off. link's cheeks pinken. "i want to... i want to share the bed... with you..."

"you don't sound very confident," revali tries to joke, but his tone is still so unbearably gentle.

link shakes his head again, and this time when he looks at revali, his face is set in an adamant expression, his brows furrowed. "i do want to share the bed with you," he says. "i can. i swear. please trust me."

for some reason, it makes revali's heart skip a beat, but he just snorts and shakes his head before settling into the bed, turning the lamp on the nightstand off. "sure," he says, tugging the blanket underneath link up. "and if i wake up in the morning with you on the floor or on the couch, i'll definitely still believe you."

link wrinkles his nose at revali (cute, he thinks), and then follows after him under the blanket on his side of bed. revali sighs as he relaxes, lying on his back as he stares at the ceiling. link shuffles beside him onto his side, and revali can practically feel those wide blue eyes staring holes into the side of his face.

"want to take a picture?" revali mumbles, already feeling drowsy. the travel fatigue was starting to get to him. "it might last longer."

"sorry," link whispers. "you're just so... beautiful."

revali almost has the energy to blush. almost. "thanks," he says instead. he shuts his eyes, and listens to the sound of link's breathing beside him. they're both quiet for a while, until revali continues in a much quieter voice, "you are too." he swears he can hear link's breath catch as he lets sleep claim him.

and it's the best sleep he's ever had in his life. usually, revali wakes up at the crack of dawn, when the light is barely creeping over the horizon, no matter what time he slept. but when he wakes in the morning, the sun is already fully above the horizon and shining through the curtains. link is curled into his side, head on revali's shoulder and an arm thrown over his stomach, revali's own arms cradling link's body, keeping him close. the blond snores lightly, but sleeps like a rock atop revali. dimly, he realizes their legs are tangled together under the blanket, but he's warm and he's comfortable. revali closes his eyes; maybe staying in bed a little while longer like this wouldn't be so bad...

but that thought is cut short with urbosa knocking on the door to their room. "wake up, lovebirds, breakfast is ready!" she calls. "make sure you look decent before you get out here."

even closed, revali rolls his eyes and lets out a soft groan. link mumbles and shifts under his arms, trying to snuggle closer to revali, who dares not move an inch as the blond makes himself comfortable once more. only when link settles, still curled around him, does revali speak again, opening his eyes.

"i'm surprised you're not jumping out of bed for food," he says softly. "i'd have thought of you as a ravenous beast with an endless hunger, or perhaps a garbage disposal unit."

link hums at him. "comfy," he murmurs in response. "still sleepy too."

fortunately for revali, he's also still too drowsy for his heart rate to pick up and link hearing it. "a couple more minutes wouldn't hurt then," he replies, letting his eyes fall shut. "breakfast can wait."

they get a max of 7 minutes cuddling together under the blankets before zelda and mipha bust down the door together, saying they're taking too long and the food is going to get cold, and i don't care if you're being cute and gay and snuggly GET UP ALREADY!!! this time, link groans and throws the blanket over their heads, clinging to revali, but he sighs and decides it's time to actually wake up. after all, revali is well-acquainted with link's large diet and he needs to make sure the blond is always eating well, right? 😁😁 link will still be sleepily, grumpily clinging to revali's arm as they make their way to the dining room since he was so comfy in the bed, and only fully wakes up when the smell of food hits his nose 😹

a couple days later, the champs have their panel at twitchcon 👁️ i don't really care enough to write a whole scene about what the champs get asked, because it'll probably just be standard questions like, "what kind of group content do you guys have planned?" or "are you guys going to make a twitchcon vlog?" ("yes") or "zelda please marry me" ("security please get this person out of here") and i just am not feeling creative enough to write all that

HOWEVER. HOWEVER. revalink during the entire panel. ooughh. oughh man. they're sat together towards the center right of the panel table (from audience pov/stage center left), giggling and whispering to each other as questions are asked, chiming in here and there to crack jokes or answer as needed, stealing glances/side-eyes at each other whenever they can. they're so silly :3

at some point, The Question gets asked; "okay this one's for link and revali. have you guys gone on the date that revali planned from the love or host, or has this all been an elaborate ruse to make us all think you were dating?"

the question catches both link and revali off-guard, the both of them blinking dumbly at it. i mean, they were expecting to be asked a question about their relationship, seeing as it was a bit public and anyone could see it from their collab streams & videos, the way they bantered on twitter or in the comments of each other's instagram posts. they weren't subtle about it at all, but of course anything could be an act on the internet.

link's cheeks begin to pinken as he glances at revali, before turning back to the questioner to respond. "well, um, so—" and finally, the sound of link's voice makes revali's brain click back into place.

"have you any decorum?" he cuts the blond off smoothly. "it's not anyone's business how our relationship is going, actually. but if you desperately wish to know, then all you have to know is that it's plenty real and though we haven't gone on the date yet, it's planned and it's happening." revali looks at link, whose head is fully turned to look back at him, utterly flustered, eyes wide and cheeks fully flushed pink. his heart softens; cute.

suddenly, revali gets an idea. as subtle as he can, he reaches under the table and takes link's hand into his, sliding his fingers down the blond's palm before lacing their fingers together. if it's possible, link's eyes get even wider, his face even darker with blush, revali's heart practically melting even more from the look on his face. "link will not be seeing anyone for a while," revali says softly, but making sure the mic catches his voice as he keeps his eyes on link, "and he's very content with our current predicament.

a chorus of "awh"s and cheers rise from the crowd, while the rest of the champions groan or roll their eyes at the display. link gives revali a small smile and squeezes his hand. revali returns the smile with a fond look and squeezes back.

"i hope you guys know they're holding hands under the table right now," comes zelda's voice through the speakers, haughty and prim. the crowd screams and shouts and cheers even louder. "it's very rich of revali to complain about you not having any decorum and then continuing to have no decorum himself in public."

"oh shush, zelda, you're holding hands with mipha under the table too," urbosa replies. zelda shrieks in opposition, mipha bursts out laughing, the crowd gets louder, but link and revali are still staring at each other, still blushing, still holding hands stuck in their own world.

and of course, people were taking videos during the panel. the entire scene from question to zelda's shrieking is recorded and posted and made edits of and retweeted and qrt'd to death, until they're #1 on trending. it's a little embarrassing; this is the most attention revali and link's relationship has ever received, especially outside of their community. but neither of them regret it. next time, maybe they'll even post a picture of them actually holding hands. <3

[marnz]

I watched tsn last year because my memory suddenly remember that i used to see photos and gifs of it in 2016 and i read someone blog analyzing the relationship of mark and eduardo (in 2016) but didn't know it was a fb film, so i decided to watch it, to be honest my brain is pretty damage from working corporate job and seeing how nasty capitalism is, so my first thought watching it wasn't really wow gay, eduardo was in love!!! but was more like wow mark is such a jerk, i didn't see anything gay that people were screaming about 🙃 and being reminded that this is zuckerberg and his old friend irl did not help, and i also read the story of what actually happened irl and understand how eduardo was also a jerk too so i just jumped into ao3 to read fanfic, i actually wish i watched it during highschool or college time more because i truly can't consume queerbait series or films that aren't obvious anymore, normal queer film/tv series is fine tho. This is just my own experience i'm sure there are many tsn new fans who watched it and also enjoy how "gay" it is like you guys in 2010 too :) i just have damaged brain i think

oh no friend I’m so sorry about your job! Let’s get you a better one. I don’t think your reaction is wrong at all, like I said, it was a different time and you had to be there. I got into it in college and exited the fandom in the mid 2010s; I would never in my life get into it now. I think you are right…it’s 2024.

However I have been thinking about this since I got your message and I also think the constant analysis and the fanfic contributed pretty heavily to the atmosphere, plus like I said the Andrew Garfield of it all. Honestly I think the fandom boils down to a couple things:

1) the film has homoerotic subtext mostly evidenced by Eduardo. There’s a lot of time spent on Eduardo’s feelings about Mark, like even during the bathroom blowjob scene the camera takes a moment to remind us that Eduardo is thinking about Mark in the next stall. There is almost no time spent on Mark’s feelings about Eduardo. So this subtext is like, there are feelings and they are unreciprocated. Isn’t this so tragic when 0.03% happens? Mark certainly talks a lot about his feelings for Eduardo, but words do not matter. Action matters. Contrast this with a more classic queerbait like Sterek where 1) there was queerbaiting market and 2) there was reciprocal homoerotic subtext that could never be acted upon.

2) I don’t think fandom is super good at dealing with an unlikeable or unsympathetic yet compelling protagonist! Which means this protagonist is rendered much more sympathetically in fic and people watch or read the media source with rose colored glasses. “He would not fucking say that” x1000.

3) I’m not that much older than you I think but…there was this period in tv where there were canon gays who were as interesting and dynamic as a pool noodle and, meanwhile, in subtext and/or queerbait land, there were relationships that consistently got a lot of time and attention and so were sooooooo compelling. And those are the relationships that I, and fandom, tend to gravitate towards. Plus growing up there weren’t a ton of happy gay stories so instead it was like, you have Brokeback Mountain, you have Dead Poets Society, you have What Happened to Lani Granger? You have, for some reason, Glee (boring except for faberry and Santana). Thank god we are not there anymore.

4) I have bad taste <3

Anyway sorry for rambling here, your asks got me thinking because it very much was like hmm well yeah it IS completely inexplicable huh but I think a lot of fandom is like that.

[7ndipity]

Oooooooh shipping game?? How did I miss that you’re doing this! I haven’t participated in one in so long, so hopefully I’ll be able to give you something to work with 🙈

Zodiac sign: Pisces

Chinese zodiac: Wood Dog (94 liner, and I actually turn 30 this year and hoooo boy the crisis is real)

MBTI: whichever one is the (turbulent) Logician type, sorry I don’t remember the abbreviations

She/her pronouns.

I’m an introvert (not the shy type) who routinely gets adopted by extroverts and then has to withdraw from society to recover. I love dogs (but irl I actually have a cat, because my dogs were too big to move them with me when I moved out for uni, so I literally googled ‚cat breeds dog personality’ and got one for myself).

I’m also a bookworm, although uni kinda killed my love for reading for a long while (literature major) and my favorite genres are fantasy, sci-fi and supernatural horror. I’m drawn to things that are a bit (a lot) darker than the usual, books and movies that explore the complexity of human nature and our place in the universe (I feel like I’m setting myself up to be shipped with Namjoon by writing this). I was raised as a metalhead and still listed to metal and rock a lot, I actually got into BTS and k-pop in general in early 2023 because my extroverted friend nagged me for six months and the rabbit hole just opened up one day. Other than BTS my favorite group is Stray Kids.

I’m pretty independent as a person, often come off as closed off or straight up bitchy, but I’ve been told that once people get to know me better it’s like I’m fluffy on the inside. My best friend would probably tell you that I’m like a tunnel: once we’re friends and you betray my trust, the tunnel collapses and there’s no going back. My other friend claims that I have goth/witchy vibes and that I’m a grinch (which tracks, actually). It’s not easy for me to make friends but I found out in the past year or so that I have a lot more of them than I thought possible.

Other than that, I love dark humor and dark comedy. I rarely make jokes, mainly because I don’t think I’m that funny, but I do enjoy banter. I find it really hard to let go and let loose (anxiety is a bitch and a half), but I try my best to be better at just being myself and vibing with other people.

I’ve been told I’m a decent cook and have some tattoos (and planning on getting more). And I think that’s about it really 🙈

I would love to see who you’d ship me with if you have the time! Thanks so much for all the hard work you put into your writing this past year, when I dove into the BTS content your blog was like a headcanon central for me 😹

Lol, I know you joked about it, but I do genuinely ship you with Namjoon, as well as Yoongi!

You have a lot similar interests and traits as both of them that I think would make it easy for you to connect, and although Joon is an extrovert, he really respectful his and other people's boundaries and space, so I think he'd be good at helping you open up a bit more without being draining or exhausting for you.(Also lowkey think they'd both really be into your style)

Yoongi's also has that 'tough outside, soft inside' vibe, and also isn't afraid to discuss darker topics or the different aspects of the human experience, and I think he'd appreciate someone he can talk with easily about those types of things.(He also has/had a slightly dark sense of humor, so I think you'd be able to bounce off each other well)

Hope this was okay!💜

[sweetrays]

About me: 

Just call me by my username I don't like using real names anymore

(bisexual transsexual male & 2 yrs on T) 

I write novels, short stories, and fanfiction

I draw novel illustrations and favorite characters

I'm autistic and therefore can be perceived  a little bit strange 

My dominant special interest fandom wise is Peter Pan stories. (Hook is my absolute favourite Peter Pan movie. You'll mostly see me talking about the character Rufio) 

I liked OUAT Peter Pan for a little while last year but it's not my thing anymore 

My other special interest is historical (mostly 19th century) fashion

A quick heads up:

I enjoy NSFW art, but I don't post any. There might be some reblogging of that here occasionally. 

A lot of the fanfictions I post are openly based off- have some sort of connection to my somewhat disturbing fetishes that involve characters dying or being hurt

I know some might not be comfortable with that.

If you'd like to be my friend please just skim through the readmore just in case you find my opinions distasteful. If you do, just block me I don't want trouble

My Internet Discourse Opinions

Stupid but very important in order to avoid ugly confrontations nowadays 🙁

"Proshipping" 

-the good pure holy shipping vs. icky yucky nasty evil creepy freak shipping stuff is bullshit. If you give me/a mutual shit over FICTIONAL ship your ass is getting blocked cause that's just a whole nother level of ridiculous. I do not condone the bullying and harassment that is so common in 'woke' fandom culture nowadays. It is disgusting that people are throwing around paraphilic accusations and words like p**o at innocent fanfiction authors who are just enjoying characters with no real malicious intentions. 

I come across ships on ao3 that absolutely disgust me on a day to day basis, even so, the last thing I'd want to do is be mean to the author/anyone who enjoyed that ship. That's because the author has just as much a right to write about just as I have the right to be uncomfortable. No character ship is illegal and people are allowed to be as gross or weird as they like as long as it remains fictional (which in 99.99% of cases no one is actively trying to encourage and/or normalising pairing that would be illegal irl) That's never how fandom, art, or fiction has ever worked. If you think otherwise, all I'm saying is you have some serious issues and you need help. 

When I write an age gap pairing I don't parade my fic around going "EVERYBODY START DATING YOUR FATHER!!" I tag with many warnings to avoid upsetting people who would be opposed to reading it + add a disclaimer explaining how I do not support such things in real life situations because I don't and neither does anyone else who ships 'problematic' things. 

Transgender discourse (neopronouns, etc) 

As a transgender male myself, I don't care what pronouns someone uses or what gender they claim to be. I am pro-block anti-harassment when I see someone I disagree with. 

However, I do block quite liberally when I see people saying that transgenderism is possible without dysphoria. Because it is not. Being trans is not a choice. Dysphoria is the cause of being trans. Even if it's just a tiny bit of dysphoria you are still valid. If you're a feminine presenting trans male, that is fine, if you're a masculine presenting trans female, that's fine too because even if you're trans you absolutely do not have to abide by society's confining gender stereotypes. 

But, if you are feminine presenting non-dysphoric afab going by he/him or a masculine presenting non-dysphoric amab going by she/her. That is not transgender. You just picked different pronouns. Which again, I don't care about the pronouns thing so whatever, but just please don't call that transgender because my brother in Christ, we are not the same. 

Therefore please leave me alone if: 

You have some sort of weirdly obsessive morality/legality bias against people minding their own business with character shipping in fandom

OR

Think that being trans is a choice. 

Thats all, have a nice day. Don't forget to block if you don't like me lol.

[tau1tvec]

In response to anonymous below. It seems to me that the problem for many in this situation is not at all that their photos from the game are worse than others. Here everything is much more global. I'm not saying anything, but probably the point is that people do not have enough attention and approval in real life. There are not enough people who could share their interests. Many in this way try to raise their self-esteem. After all, if they are praised, it means they receive recognition, it means they are good or talented. But the problem is that the simbler community is not really where you should look for a way to raise your self-esteem. My advice to anonymous. Don't try for someone else, play for yourself. Enjoy it. The more you try to keep up with those who do what you think is better, the less motivation you will have to go further. And this applies to everything in life. Not just posts on tumblr. When I first came to Tumblr, I didn’t post anything for a year. I just followed people and liked them. But then, when I started sharing photos, at some point I caught myself thinking that when I start building or creating a Sim, I first of all think about how it will be appreciated on Tumblr. Will others like it? And I stopped enjoying my game. Because it has become a pursuit of the perfect picture. And still it did not turn out perfect, because others were better. I stopped playing and uploading photos. But then I realized that I miss my game. And I began to just play, sometimes share moments from my game and not wait for the approval of others in the form of likes. I am always glad to likes and comments, and this is very important. But I try not to take it as motivation. Even if my photo gets 1 or 2 likes, I'll just move on. It just doesn't matter. Although you may not think so now. Sorry for such a big text and my bad english.

No need to apologize, and I know you're just responding to anon, but I'd also like to respond to this as well, bc I agree with some points, but am wrestling with some.

Firstly there is nothing wrong with turning to online spaces for peer validation. I know it isn't the case everywhere in the world, but this isn't the late 90's, the majority of ppl on this site fall in an age group that was basically raised online, all the time, an online that was so normalized, it's even how you kept up with your irl friends, classmates, coworkers, and family, and a lot of ppl still do this.

There is no difference to me between an elderly man posting a new birdhouse he built on Facebook with other bird enthusiasts, and a teenager showing off their sims blorbos in their cute new cc outfits on Tumblr with other teenagers. Both these people are looking for peer validation, and sometimes yes that can help one's self-esteem, and there's nothing at all wrong with that. For teens, this is actually a part of their adolescent development, if you've got a teen of you're own you know what I'm talking about, and have had a conversation with their pediatrician about "screen time", which is why they encourage both parents and teens to work together to make sure it's managed in a healthy way, so you are absolutely right on that one. Simblr shouldn't be a person's only outlet to build self-esteem, and this isn't an issue that only harms younger ppl, even adults are constantly being encouraged to continue keeping and building irl connections. The ramifications of social media harms us all.

This is human nature, we are meant to want to connect with, love, and bring joy to others, we want to fit in, bc it's how our ancestors quite literally survived. This is how shame worked to govern societies prior to modern day law and order. The problem is a lot of how modern society has been for years is that it's focused on an individualist mentality, despite the fact that our bodies and minds are built for a community mentality.

Okay, now that I got that out I appreciate your concern, and your suggestions, I've used this method myself a few times, and it's certainly helped me rekindle my love for just playing games in general, and letting the creation of content for it be second, I've also picked up other outlets to escape and be creative, some new, some old, and many that don't involve a screen, or a screen name.

I'm a lot better for it, but I understand that this isn't easy or attainable ( whether physically or financially ) for others, so I really wish others would try and remember than when you see ppl like last anon cross your dash.

[badedramay]

There’s an entire thread on a fb group I’m in that’s hating on Yunhi. Don’t get me wrong—the drama has its fair share of problems.

However, what surprises me is how the people in this fb group don’t even consider that character development could be a thing? Like for example, dada’s misogynistic af advice to Daood about marriage is terrible, but Daood clearly seemed uncomfortable with it. Yet a good portion of that thread is talking about how backwards Dada is (which I agree with) but how the drama is backwards for showing Daood agreeing to treat his wife like that. Are we watching the same show? Does nobody think that Daood will take his grandfather’s words and finally refuse to do something he’s been told to do? Same with Kim — do people really think she’ll stay exactly the same character she was in episode 1? She’s already changing.

It is a *flawed* drama but I feel like the qaum doesn’t know the concept of character development exists unless it’s a toxically alpha male falling for a woman and acting 0.6% less alpha.

I was actually very against Maya when she said that people need to watch the entire drama before casting judgment but now I think she’s right. We have leads who are developing but it’s like no one sees that—just takes everything at face value.

I feel like..90% of the people who get on the internet to discuss PakDramas don't actually know how to really discuss them. This is just me speaking from my experience but I have seen that only a handful of people first accept the drama for what it IS before commenting on it. This is the first step of having any objective opinion on a drama. But many MANY people completely disregard the first step and jump on the next which warrants the response of, "are we even watching the same show?"

Because clearly we aren't. Yunhi is flawed, I get it. The writing in the initial episodes demanded quite a lot of suspension of disbelief. However, it has settled down now. 10 episodes is a good enough point for a drama to fully establish its mood, style, and characters. It took me taking a break from the drama, getting back to it with full intention of not letting my own notions overshadow what the drama is trying to say to fully get into the drama. But for a good chunk of the internet audience they haven't been able to let go of their initial notions.

On twt an America based "reviewer" simply cannot get over Kim's characterization. She's too busy being personally offended at someone like Kim representing American born Pakistanis that she cannot see her character beyond that. I guess that's the same for the people who are hating on Dada for being a misogynist. They simply cannot see beyond their own need to have characters that can be neatly packaged into "black" and "white" to realize that people Dada's age and belonging to the social class he does and enjoying the position of the patriarch in the family and ESPECIALLY having benefited from generational misogyny WILL most certainly act the way he does. Does that make him a villain or a bad person? NO! of course not. being misogynist is a flaw and of course in an ideal world we'd want characters to be fully rid of this flaw but misogyny is also the most prevalent truth of our society. there are countless people we know irl that are misogynist but we won't call them villains cuz apart from this one flaw, they are alright human beings.

Another thing, and Maya was completely right in pointing that out, is that no one allows a drama to play out. A weekly drama with avg 25 episodes will not reveal ALL its cards in the first episode. It won't introduce a conflict and resolve it in the same episode. yes, what it can do is that it'll give a hit about the path the drama intends to take when the conflict is introduced. which is what Yunhi DID in the episode. the major takeaway from the episode was: Dawood being advised by both his Dada and his friends to be the typical "man"; to exert his "supremacy" and show "raub" to Kim right from the beginning. We see Dawood not fully comfortable with the idea BUT giving it a try anyway. Why? cuz Dawood is already feeling out of depth with this sudden decision thrust upon him. He's feeling helpless. for him to take his Dada's advice was him trying to gain some semblance of control back.

look at the terrace scene. look at Dawood's body language. he comes there and stands with his arms behind his back in a "dominant" pose. he rattles off his usual "you so badtameez, you so arrogant" rant. Kim is completely disinterested in all that; it's nothing she hasn't heard before. she coolly dismisses him. Dawood tries to take the control back. NOW THAT BIT. Dawood reaching out to hold her hand.

"Itni asaani se yahan se jaane nahin dunga."

That's what he says but look at how he cannot see her in the eyes when saying that. that was him showing his discomfort as he tried to exert his dominance. and people think THIS Dawood will take his Dada's advice to heart and will start being all "mard" with Kim?? Kim is shocked at his action and she's angry. still, she holds her ground. she reminds him that she'll do whatever she pleases.

"Aur khabardar mujhe meri ijazat ke bagair kabhi haath lagaya."

This is where she really gets angry. Just listen to how she spits out those words, just look at the way she's glaring at him. She's mad at being treated like this, she's offended at being thought of as someone who'll be okay with this kind of manhandling. Right as she says it, Dawood lets go of her hand. Because in Kim's glare Dawood is reminded of this very simple fact that what matters in a relationship is not the dominance of a man, but the consent of the partner. It's not an ideal Dawood will be TAUGHT by Kim - it's an ideal that he already HAS. but in the kind of partriarchal household Dawood lives in, he hasn't seen these ideals as examples around him. so he had a momentary lapse in judgement because of his need to gain control back.

One doesn't need a phd in neuroscience to understand this. all they need is a mere acceptance of characters as they ARE instead of how you'd WISH them to be. Yunhi is still one of the better examples of dramas where at least the characters backgrounds are so clear that their actions can be justified. there's not clashing contrast of how a character behaves vs what their background is. Dada is a patriarch so he'll preach about the misogyny that has benefited him all his life. Naveed, despite spending half his life in America, is still a man who never forgot his roots and is aware of how the ideals of his homeland will not change so it's better to let them be instead of trying to change them. Kim being a product of a liberal country who has seen examples of people cutting off their entire families when their ideals don't match will of course question the way of life that's in Dawood's house. For her, cutting ties and moving away is a very real possibility. For Dawood, it isn't. it's something they'll have to learn and accept about each other AS THE STORY PROGRESSES.

Kim hasn't changed; initially she was just baffled after coming in an environment that was nothing like she has ever witnessed. She brought her own prejudices to the table and was judging the family based on THAT instead of what they were (guess who else does it?) but she kept an open mind. just look at how she reacts whenever Dawood patiently tries to explain his side of the situation to her. she never dismisses him outright. she listens to what he has to say and then either accepts it, questions it until she gets a satisfactory answer, or lets the matter drop entirely because it's not worth her energy to argue with a wall. but she LISTENS. she's open to understanding this family and all she expects them is to understand her in return. that's it. that's the whole show.

ironically our audience doesn't realize that. they don't see this as a drama of two worlds colliding. heck, they don't see it as a DRAMA which has to spread out its story and reveal it in chunks of 36 minutes over the course of 25ish weeks. because Yunhi HAS a story. it has rich characters with layers to explore in them. and all of that will happen in due time.

Maya has talked about Yunhi being a story of how a husband supports his wife. and Dawood has every indication of being that kind of husband. Kim and Dawood, despite their rocky start, have a established relationship where they TALK and LISTEN to each other. i am most positively looking forward to that playing out. but where oh WHERE is the requirement that for this story to work out the characters have to be flawless?????????????????? they can't be all 10 across the board. not just in this drama but literally in every story ever. no one is saying Yunhi is the bestest writtten most perfect drama to ever exist but good lord, this drama is still farrrrrr better than the current on-air lot which are basically a confused mishmash with no coherent style or direction and most definitely lacking in that importance BALANCE which make any drama entertaining.

[time-is-standing]

top 10 songs from september

aka the best month of the year🤍

1. MISA MISA! by CORPSE, Scarlxrd, Kordhell

this is the number one song for a reason. it's such a great song, the lyrics and the context all makes it real funny. but I actually like the beat & everything about it. I'm obsessed with it to say the least.

2. My Way by CHELJI

"cause the love I had for you

could make me do something

little me wished I had the balls to do"

this is a powerful song. I've been waiting for it to drop for a while now. I love every line of it, it was the hardest thing to choose just one section to quote. the whole thing has a strong message and the atmosphere of the song just adds to it all.

3. NDA by Billie Eilish

this is an old fav. I can't get it out of my head. it has something so special and unique about it that I just come back to it every few days and start listening on repeat. this girl is just insanely talented.

4. dying on the inside by Nessa Barrett

this song popped up on spotify just before I met my bf. I remember listening to this and really getting lost in the lyrics while he was messaging me in the morning... so not only is it a great song, I have some special memories attached to it as well.

5. Desire by Meg Myers

I added the song just for fun, I saw it on tiktok and was curious. when I started listening to the song & paying attention to the lyrics... well, yeah, I could get behind every word.

but on a serious note, I think this message is real important. we girls get horny as well and there's nothing wrong with these feelings/thoughts no matter what society tries to teach us.

6. midnight love by girl in red

"when your silver is my gold"

I remember listening to this song and thinking about the irony. a few years back all I wanted was to be able to say these things to a certain someone. and now I don't even think about him like that anymore. my whole life was centered around him, the answer was always him, no matter the question. but now I don't even want to talk to him anymore, and I still can't fully believe it. it's so freeing to think about it. and if I could do it, you can get through it, believe me.

7. Little Freak by Harry Styles

"I'm not worried about where you are

or who you will go home to, I'm

just thinkin' about you"

just to tie the previous song to this one. I'm still thinking of him, as I'm letting it all go but I'm not worried anymore. and I'm happier than ever.

8. Dana-Dan by Bloodywood

back to my present & future. my boyfriend and his friends introduced me to this band and even though I laughed the first time I heard the song I fell in love shortly after. I can't wrap my head around the context, but I'm actively enjoying this song. lol.

9. Big Jet Plane by Angus & Julia Stone

"gonna hold you

gonna kiss you in my arms

gonna take you away from home"

these lines... as you might know me, I'm not the lucky type when it comes to irl things. I happened to find myself a partner, who lives 2 hours away from me and through the 1,5 months we've been together, we couldn't meet for 2 weeks straight. I was going slightly insane by the end of the second week and I was singing this song in my head for a whole day before we met up and I could finally hug him.

10. Sick Of You by DNMO, Sub Urban

I'm truly happy that this song made it on the list. I've been listening to a lot of songs lately but this one is quite special. it's a super catchy song and I've been listening to it non-stop for these last few days.

[starfire-s]

here’s a list of the best, mediocre and worst kdramas i watched in 2020

no one asked for this but it’s happening because i have thoughts (also all opinions are my own if you disagree then get well soon i guess... no i’m kidding make your own posts about it don’t hate me please) ahsjsj anyways click to read a lengthy post and if you actually read the whole thing then thank you i hope you enjoy this wild ride! 

THE BEST KDRAMAS -

mystic pop up bar - this show had everything i ask from a kdrama literally i can name it all found family (to real family), well thought out characters, a mystery plot, special effects, soft romances that were well written, a happy ending! no show in 2020 even comes close to how good this one was! the writers literally guided you throughout the whole thing so you could come up with theories and didn’t do a ‘aha! gotcha’ thing where they want to prove the audience wrong but they wanted us to be right and satisfied! the worst part about the drama is that it’s still so underrated and people just brush it off as some random fantasy show but it’s so much more than that! 1000/10

flower of evil - who doesn’t want to see lee joon gi being the son of a serial killer, living with the name of a man who is in a coma, and hiding his real identity from his wife who is a detective? this show constantly had me at the edge of my seat on a weekly basis so the emotions i went through while watching this are unparalleled! the writers also did such a good job on writing a coherent story that made sense and tied up all the plot points in the end. just a really satisfying show to watch! 10/10

where your eyes linger - i literally bought a $8 viki pass to watch this show so it should tell you everything you need to know about how i feel ahsjsj the episodes were 10 minutes long but we got a good story with well written characters who got character development in a total of 80 minutes it’s insane! honestly it’s still hard to believe this show had rookie actors because they were just so emotive that you could feel all the happiness, sadness, yearning and pining! probably one of my fave kdramas this year because of the acting that i always constantly rewatch! would recommend 10/10

crash landing on you - okay so this drama was actually released on my birthday last year and it was a time in my life when i was going through a lot so maybe it’s the comfort this show provided me through that time this is why i have such a soft spot for it? like the romance was good, it was funny, there was found family, the nk soldiers were all softies, there were strong female leads, soft male leads!!! ahh!! no other show on this list made me think about the unification of south korea and north korea irl because i wanted se ri and jeong hyeok to be together 4ever! but the only issue i had with this show was the ending they gave seung jun if they didn’t do that i’d give this show a 10/10 but just for that they get a 9/10

psycho but it’s okay - this was one of those shows where you’re literally like ‘wow everyone here needs therapy’ but this show was amazing i loved the story telling and how each episode related to children’s book/fairytales! the writers also did a good job with how carefully they talked about mental health in depth without villainising their characters but actually tried to make the audience understand why they were this way which included all the side characters too who had a well thought out story in each episode! also the dynamic between moon young, kang tae and sang tae was everything to me the actors all did an amazing job portraying their characters, it truly was a healing drama. the only thing i didn’t like about this show was the whole plastic surgery plot with the mother like that was very far fetched but it provided drama so i’ll let it slide because the rest was amazing. this show is a solid 8.5/10

18 again - another underrated gem! who would’ve thought a remake of that zac efron movie could be this good!! lee do hyun stole this show for sure the way he portrayed his character and gave heart eyes to his kids (when he’s only 25 irl was the best thing i saw this year ahsjs) i loved the family dynamics in this show, i loved how it talked about what it’s like to be young parents and how society still think it’s taboo to be divorced! it’s a show that makes you laugh and cry at the same time and that’s why everyone should watch it! however, the biggest clown thing this show did to me though was that i got sls for the first time while watching a kdrama... hwang in yeop if u’re reading this i love u and u deserved better 🤡 that aside this show was a 8/10

itaewon class - i actually didn’t watch this drama as it was airing because i thought i wouldn’t enjoy the plot but when i watched it i binged the whole thing in 2 days and my biggest regret is i didn’t watch it sooner! everyone knows i have a soft spot for park seo joon since he’s my favourite actor i’ve literally watched all his dramas like he could star in the trashiest drama out there and i’d still watch it and be like wow (looking at she was pretty 👀) this show aside from the acting had one of the best revenge plots in a kdrama! just watching a character realistically hustle his way to reach the top while fighting the corrupt man whose son killed his father was so so satisfying to watch! however, the love triangle in this show was questionable idk what they were trying to do with that but it personally annoyed me! but still i’ll give this show a 7.5/10 because i enjoyed it a lot!

do you like brahms? - kim min jae and park eun bin.. that’s all you need to know about why this is a good kdrama! i’m usually not a big fan of melodramas and everyone knows i prefer rom coms but this show was just so perfectly melo that i loved all the angst and pain we got!! also just watching two introverted people awkwardly fall in love was amazing! the characters story arcs were also handled pretty well with song ah finally learning to speak up for herself and joon young learning to express how he truly feels! but... the love square? was probably the most annoying thing the rest in my opinion was nicely done! i know people had mixed feelings about the ending but i loved that after all the pain joon young and song ah went through they got a happy ending together! 7/10

find me in your memory - okay this show started off very slow and it was confusing at the start but as it progressed everything in the plot started to fall into place! i mean this show really took opposites attract to a new level where the male lead could remember every single detail from his life but the female lead had to forget some of her traumatic memories to help her cope with her life! they were also tied together through a mutual character who was a big part of their lives in a different way! just an interesting melodrama with interesting characters i liked it! and moon ga young... i love you queen!!! 7/10

THE MEDIOCRE KDRAMAS -

more than friends - was the storytelling in this show groundbreaking? no. was the acting decent? yes. also probably the main reason i stuck with this show until the end! i think we can all agree lee soo had the best character development on this show he started off as a bad boy who wore one ear stud to actually becoming a well liked character... who else did it like him? no one. also the chemistry between the mains was 🔥 but the second male lead was so annoying is there a opposite word for second lead syndrome because i had that for sure! i think the best part about this show was the people i watched it with on here... shoutout to the five of us ahsjsj also this show introduced me to a talented actor/singer like ong seong wu (y’all know my kpop knowledge is nonexistent so no i didn’t know he was in a band called wanna one) all in all a predictable show but i had fun watching it so 6.5/10

tale of the nine tailed - i didn’t actually watch this show i watched it through gifs and instagram posts ahsjsjs so am i qualified to talk about my opinion definitely no... will I talk about it anyways yes lmao. lee rang deserved better that’s all goodbye and take care. 5.5/10

start up - probably one of the most awaited opinions. y’all thought this would be in the worst kdramas section but i decided to give this show some rights. the show started off strong, lost it’s way after episode 6 and then the last episode gave me what i wanted so i have mixed feelings. the writing was not the best i think we can all agree, love triangle as a plot device? wow so groundbreaking 🤡 the characters on the other hand... i loved every single one of them i mean ship wars? i don’t know her. the show had a lot of potential that was wasted but we also got some cute moments between the characters so there was really no winning or losing with this show? but in all honesty you can’t put a talented cast together like this and then just decide to give the audience a mediocre plot but the writers did exactly that! i think i can redirect y’all to my ‘crimes this show committed’ post for a in-depth analysis. lastly nam do san was a GOOD and REFRESHING male lead and ji pyeong was also a GOOD and FUN second male lead!!! this show gave me the ugliest ship war ever that i was transported back to my high school tvd days so thank you for that!! but the cast was loveable and all had a lot of chemistry together so here’s a 5/10 maybe that's too generous but... i think the reason why i didn't enjoy watching this show as much was definitely because of the tag on here lmao

THE WORST KDRAMAS -

the king eternal monarch - i miss clowning this show so much. the amount of braincells i lost while trying to understand this plot... i should be compensated by the writers. however, woo do hwan was a treat to look at on a weekly basis... however the writers kept decreasing his screen time even though he had a dual role... make it make sense? and i cannot comment on the plot of this show because i still don’t understand anything? also in my opinion tae eul and lee gon were the most bland couple of 2020, there was no chemistry between them and there was just a random kiss in episode 5 and they randomly said i love you... where was the development? also lee gon was soooo boring and such a one dimensional male lead! literally all the side characters were so much more interesting and the cast was good... but this plot. 2/10

do do sol sol la la sol - i wanna fight the writer who decided that the plot twist on the show would be that jun is a minor? i had no expectations from this show but it looked cute and nonsensical but that plot twist made me run the other way so fast that i never looked back! just because jun is a boy they really thought this would be excused like lmao we all have critical thinking skills???? the clown behaviour. a solid 1/10

record of youth - i hate this show so much. imagine not utilising park so dam who just starred in the biggest oscar winning movie to her full potential. imagine just making her a love interest to park bo gum’s character in the year 2020. i watched it up until episode 6 and i kept waiting for her character to get development... but it never happened so i dropped this show. also this show featured the MOST useless love triangle i have ever seen in my life like what was the point? also park bo gum’s characters family was straight up annoying (minus the grandpa) but they got so much screen time like that should’ve been given to park so dam... also villainising a gay side character for no reason at all in the year 2020? this show was a waste of my time i want the 6 hours i spent watching this back. -100/10 

backstreet rookie - i watched one episode of this and literally wanted to rip my eyeballs out of my head. idk what ji chang wook was thinking when he signed this drama i think he lost his ability to read because that's the only reasonable explanation for why he chose to star in such a dumpster fire show! this show had a racist character... had a high schooler kiss an adult... sexist jokes... just the worst things you can think of in a drama... this show had it. i still can’t believe so many people watched this show to the point where it had better ratings than pbio... really made me question everyone’s taste? but sorry can’t relate my taste is excellent so here’s the rating this show actually deserves -1000/10

if you made it this far... thank you for reading. let’s continue to love some kdramas together and get clowned by others in 2021! looking forward to it 😅

[yetaeso]

i finally finished watching light on me. sorry for being ia, i had some irl stuff going on so i didn't really get to watch many bls in a long time. BUT i did finish this one and oh boy do i have quite a few things to say.

first of all, shin woo. that boy might just be one of the best characters ever written. and he is in all aspects a character worthy of being called a comfort character. and not in a "he is so perfect, i wanna marry him" sort of way. he is far from perfect, which is basically normal and very REAL given the fact that perfect people don't exist. so i really like that they showed him as a very good person with some struggles and traumas that resulted in him not acting all kind and nice at the first glance. i like that realness in the show where a character who is basically gay doesn't go around being "i'm gay", but he also doesn't go around hiding who he truly is. (don't get me wrong, both situations are valid but there are also people who just don't give a fuck about going around denying or confirming their sexuality as if that's something that matters, just let people love each other, gay people don't owe you an explanation). he just chooses not to say anything and not denying means people are gonna spread rumors and he just doesn't care and i absolutely adore that about him. sure, it took a lot of struggle and bullying and wishing he wasn't who he is, so he would now be like "i am who i am and i don't give a heck what you have to say about it". but then again, he is definitely NOT perfect. he isn't very sweet and hostile, he isn't talkative, but he is good. he loves tae so much. he makes him feel so good. he loves his friends to the point he would give up his own happiness to save theirs. we saw how he gave up on tae so da on would be happy. and the things he does for both of them are just so precious. that boy is a very good character and i enjoyed watching him. not to mention that kang yoo seok is an absolute beauty and he rocked this character !!

i don't have much to say about tae kyung. he is a very complex character, definitely not so easy to read. he is a bit weird, different. not necessarily in a bad way, but definitely not a person you can meet whenever. i like that uniqueness about him. he just says and shows what he feels and means and it's a good trait. sure, it can make his feelings get hurt very easy, but he likes to feel everything raw and just move on if it doesn't work or stay there if it does. he has no time to waste. i feel like he wants to feel it all and if it doesn't work, he will be sad for a while, but he won't dwell on it. it's a good character, definitely something we need in the bl representation more.

SHIN DA ON !!! I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE !!! i hate how easily he became my comfort character the moment i played the first episode. the pure kindness in his heart, the constant need to help and please others because he just wants to be noticed and appreciated SO BAD, but constantly fails to be so. and i blame all that family trauma for it. his parents suck real bad. but, as i said, he too isn't perfect, but while shin woo doesn't want to prove anything and just lives his life how he wants to, on the other hand, da on tries his best to please and make everyone else proud and happy, no matter if it makes him comfortable or not. but you know what they say: you can be so good to someone and they will still break you apart with no mercy. and that's what everyone does to da on. e v e r y o n e , starting from his own parents up to his friends (not considering tae, shin woo, shi woon and mr seo) and up to the girl who claims to love him and all those random people who always asked for all sorts of favors but never appreciated it enough. he tried so hard to fit into that mold other people made and even though he got blisters on his palms and tears behind his eyes and even though his limbs ache from trying to fit in SO BAD, he did it so flawlessly for such a long time, never showing that he actually isn't okay at all. and it absolutely pains me. because his character is a good character who just tried to be liked by everyone, he wanted to prove that he was worth the love and affection and good enough for people to consider him a friend, or a son or a lover. but people just never appreciated it enough. that's why he couldn't be a person tae kyung likes, he couldn't be someone who is not considered likable in a society that he tried so hard to please. and i understand that. being a queer person in this world is very hard on it's own, adding his insecurities and trauma on top of it is even worse. he felt like he couldn't handle it, like it wasn't supposed to be like this. and in that constant need to prove himself to others, he kind of lost the track of his own self. he doesn't know how to love who he truly is, not because he doesn't want it, but because he has no idea who he is. and i think that's something he needs to work on FIRST before getting a lover, before breaking any more hearts. and i adore how he actually ended up changing and figuring that part out at the end. slowly, but he is getting there. i think he understood it eventually, too. that's why he gave up on tae when he saw that things just don't work like that. we miss chances sometimes and as much as it can be painful and as much as we regret them, we can't get them back and da on knows it. he finally knows it. and i'm happy for him, he is finally learning who he is. and my opinion is that he deserves all the happiness in the world. i fell so deeply for him.

i didn't want him to end up with taekyung, not because i thought he wasn't fitting, but because i felt he needed to explore himself more. he deserves love, so much love. and i hope someone will be able to give it to him eventually.

i won't say much about so hee. she is that typical girl in bl dramas that has to ruin something lol. but i'm glad she ended up figuring out her mistakes and that she fixed whatever she could in the end. it shows some kind of growth even though i could never forget what she did to da on. you don't hurt the people you love.

haet bit is a good teacher, a good senior. i adore him so much, he is just a ball of fluff and sunshine. all those things he did for his students and taekyung make me feel so emo. really a senior you could wish for.

and of course i saved best for the last. my precious baby shi woon. one little ironic, funny and caring mf. i fell in love with him in the first episode. he is just so perfectly good and nice to his friends and he has no chill if u dare say shit or do stuff to his friends and i absolutely live for that. he is a huge marshmallow in general but if you dare touch his friends, he will bite your hand off. i like how he just knows everything but choses to stay quiet in some situations and then help in other WHEN it seems fitting enough, he really cares a lot. the scene where he is pretending to barf in front of shin woo and tae flirting still gets me.

overall, this series was a great experience and i really enjoyed it. it wasn't too deep, too smutty or anything like that, but it was very fun and very meaningful and it just showed the real side of being a teenager. i'm not saying all bls should be smutty, deep or stuff like that btw. i'm just saying, it was a package where nothing outdid the other, like kissing scenes weren't better than deepness of it and the other way around. it was a little package and everything was not too much, but just enough. i really really liked it. i give this series a 9/10. it was a great experience and if i have time, i would want to rewatch it. absolutely gorgeous. <3

[scuttle-buttle]

Thoughts on my writing process & other headcanons about the Niki × Catherine universe

Headcanons:

Hunt wasn't actually mad that his sister is with Niki, it's more so he was hurt by the fact that is was behind his back and that she lied to him about not seeing Niki. In reality he thinks Niki is a really good guy, if not too serious sometimes. Once they get past the initial hurt he's all for it. In fact, he hopes you'll corrupt Niki just a little. You do.

Niki started listening to your favorite radio station when he was working (at a reasonable volume, of course)

Niki would want to give Cat the world and considered buying her a really fancy engagement ring but in reality he knew that part of the reason she loved him so much was because he was so normal and practical, hence the simple gold band. He wanted it to remind you of him everytime you looked at it.

Niki loves that she is super independent because it means he doesn't have to 'worry' about her. They both do their own thing and coexist.

She definitely helps him to open up in general and be more friendly and socialize with others. Even with Hunt they are low key besties but still bust each other's balls every chance they get.

Speaking of Hunt he did plan the stag party. Niki went because you made him but the whole night it was just second hand embarrassment because hunt was being his usual self and yes there was a stripper involved (we are sex work positive in this house) and alcohol. Niki didn't want to talk about it afterwards even tho nothing bad happened. His only response when you asked - "a lot of ass," and no I don't mean the dancer's.

Niki is those tight little bell bottom corduroy pants. Send tweet.

Niki knows Cat goes feral when he talks dirty in German during their sexy times. At first it was just the appeal of him whispering in a foreign language. But since learning German she's able to pick up on what he's saying and good lord 🥵

He lets her drive the Ferrari sometimes on open roads in the countryside. She goes as fast as she wants. He lets her.

He always makes her join him on/next to the podium when he wins if she is present for the race

Despite being pretty private people, Niki will flaunt you off in front of the press. It’s subtle but he definitely wants people to know that you’ve got him wrapped around your finger

Elena and James 100% had a tiny set of red coveralls made when you announced your pregnancy. Thankfully James left off the “Sex: breakfast of champions” patch

Writing process:

Someone told me Elena gives Katheryn Hahn vibes and honestly that's such a compliment to me I want to be her myself. But also im kinda the Elena of my friend group irl

Sex on a ping pong table? I really really did that and I regret nothing

A wanted to find the balance between modern and 1970s women's roles in society. Second Wave Feminism was definitely making an impact around the western world, but there was still a lot of gendered issues going on. Hence the things like Elena being a secretary, Cat going to school for art history (which was common for women, and art history is so fun), and James being all defensive about his sister. That being said, women who sought personal freedom with things like birth control pills and careers were seen as very "modern women", both in the positive and negative sense.

I would find a song and play that shit on loop for 3 hours to get the tone right for a chapter

I wanted to make Catherine as vague as possible in terms of appearance because idk what readers are like, you know? So I did my best to not reference things like hair, eye color, skin color in hopes that as many people could enjoy this.

I regularly slip into accents that I don't actually possess when writing and reading my stuff outloud. Examples are: British, Australian, german/austrian/absolutely horrid rendition of niki

I am technically a medievalist through my first degree which is why I always try to find some way to sneak out into my fics since I don't get to practice it anymore with my current job.

I tried to balance the film with some real life details about Niki and James. For example they really did live together for a time.

[prismatica-the-strange]

So remember when I had anxiety attack on Easter and didn't go to the family celebration? I felt really bad about not going because I wanted to spend the day with my grandmother.

Well, talking to my mom about it, my grandmother also had a bad anxiety attack, something she'd never had before, and stayed home. (Full on rant about my aunt the under cut)

Now she adores her grandkids and great grandkids and takes every opportunity to see them so the fact that she didn't go was just wild.

I guess my aunt took it personally, as well as my absence. As she should 😌 she's been a nightmare recently.

No one gives me anxiety attacks like her. It's like her not-so-secret talent. Then she says the most insensitive shit and tries to help me "get over" my anxiety. It's obvious she doesn't even know anything about anxiety or how it works, and she refuses to learn!

Anyways, a week later was my 2nd cousin's birthday and my family didn't go. That's a good thing! If we had gone, I would've been on one of my moms anxiety pill which takes away my brain mouth filter and the moment she started on my brother's eating habits (something she's taken it upon herself to 'fix') I would've told her off. And not nicely at that. And then I would've been the bad guy.

To be completely honest, I'm okay with that. Someone needs to tell her off, to remind her that she is not in charge of everyone. And I am fine with that person being me. But I don't want to ruin my someone's birthday or a family holiday. (I'm already the family disappointment I don't wanna be the one that ruined little Reagan's 3rd birthday too)

I just don't know how much more of her shit I can take, and I'm afraid the next time she starts something when I'm around I'll fucking snap 😔

She's spent so much time trying to make me be like her kids, to be "normal"

Through most of elementary school to now I didn't like wearing jeans, I'm short and thick and I have a hard time finding ones that fit right/comfortably. So I wear leggings. She doesn't like that.

I also used to hate wearing sneakers, I always found them uncomfortable, so I wore crocs and sandals. She didn't like that.

So she would always bring me on shopping trips and make me try on uncomfortable clothes and shoes. And at some point I just got so sick of her bitching I let her buy me whatever just to shut her the hell up.

And she constantly acts like she was doing me a favor! As if my mother refused to buy me normal clothes. Like my she wasn't just letting me be comfortable in my own skin by letting me express myself.

My brother and I have adhd. She always looked at me like I was crazy and roll her eyes when I stayed over with my baggie of daily meds. As if my medication was the problem. Mom mom used to say if I was her sister's kid I never would've been medicated for that or my depression.

As for my brother, his meds make it so he isn't hungry during the day, he'salso extremely picky. My aunt recently found this out and, as mentioned before, she's taken it upon herself to "fix" that.

It's like she can't comprehend that we're not her kids. That we're not hers to "fix" just because we're not like her kids.

And the condescending tone and way she looks at me. Like I'm the most incompetent person she's ever met. Just cause all her kids went to college and moved out at 18 and I'm still living with my parents at nearly 22. As if I'm not already under pressure by my parents and society to do that. As if I'm not constantly dealing with my mental and physical illness.

Not to mention she's a vocal Trump supporter irl and on social media. There's a reason I avoid he Facebook like the plague.

Ugh idk I just need her to stop being such a bitch so we can all enjoy holidays and gatherings again 😔

And yes I am the gay cousin, but I strongly suspect that my cousin is bi, too. You don't just "pretend to be gay" with your best friend for a year in high school, kissing each other, (and very intimate holding and such) in front of people without it being at least a little real.

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

tw/venting

so everything’s bothering me again. one, school, to be expected, i hate school. literally would rather just not do it whatsoever. the thought of having to go through 8 more fucking months of near pointless information makes me want to go into hypersleep, and come back when i can leave and get a job and not have to do school anymore. i dont even need pre-cal?? I plan to do what I want with my future, and thrive in a business that I created, or enjoy working for, not slaving away to the machine that is capitalism. i dont want to be a doctor, or a CEO, or anything like that. i just want to be happy, at whatever job I’m at.

and im not getting “dragged” per se, into fandom shit, but it really just stresses me out seeing people leaving, or being unhappy. and still not being able to get all of my feelings across the way. hurting someone’s feelings is the last thing i want to do, but withholding how i feel about certain things hurts me a lot in the long run. I was doing just fine, but it seems like I keep getting hit with blow after blow. it makes me not trust people who i feel like i should. and i hate that. and i try my best to be respectful, and be nice, but I just feel like i’m being looked down upon.

georgia is the state with the highest COVID rates, or one of the states. my city was on national fucking news, CNN, to talk about how fucked we are. the only two times i’ve seen my city on the fucking news were both times talking about COVID, and high rates of deaths. and low vaccination rates. i dont get it. i really dont. it’s not that hard to go and get a fucking shot that’s free to save not only your life, but your neighbor’s life, and everyone else’s. and people are taking fucking horse medicine to get away from taking the fucking vaccine. it’s FREE for a reason. people are just so fucking stupid sometimes. what does it take to save your fellow fucking neighbor? or hell, since us americans are so fucking selfish, YOURSELF??? i dont get it.

and my dad also fucking pissed me off too. he’s fully vaccinated. so he decided to go out of state to go see a football game with a group of friends, who run a social club. they go to every football game the local team goes to, but im really upset. do they have no respect for the worldwide PANDEMIC at hand? there’s people dying day in and day out, and that’s what they do in response? go away and cheer on a team, and completely disregard everything else. i just cant anymore. why would he do that? put himself and his family in danger? i hate that. i cant do that. i refuse to. i cant willingly put myself at risk of literal death. and he masks up, and socially distances, but i just cant see why he would do that. or why the team would do that. people are dying, and you’re out here just?? going out.

i feel this weird sense haunt me when i think about people going out and getting back to their lives. i mean sure, go out and have fun, but there’s still so much going on right now. i really just cant see how they do that. and schools reopening and all that. my county does school on a case by case basis. like i mentioned earlier, georgia has the HIGHEST rate of COVID, literally every single county has high rates. and kids are still in school? people are still traveling? not wearing masks. i fucking hate it here. yes, go have fun, but people are DYING? i dont get it. sure, you’re doing it safely, but i just dont know. maybe i’m bitter because i literally have close to no people to go out and see because all of my IRL friends go to in-person school, and i just dont feel comfortable being around them with such high death rates and such.

also i got some like...really potentially bad news from a close friend that i cant even talk about so thats great.

im like really touch-starved, and im sure that im losing it at this point. which is everybody, i guess? i just feel really shitty close to all the time, not being able to go and see people, or do fun stuff.

nobody talks about a lot of the bad stuff in being a teenager, because it’s all glamourized. im not sure if it’s normal or not, because nobody fucking talks about it, but ive got bad anxiety, paranoia, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, the whole fucking nine yards. but it’s all partying and “teens need to stop doing this and that” and i know that social media is a lie, i get that. but outside of that, nobody talks about how fucked up some things really are. or maybe it’s just because it’s not normal whatsoever to feel this bad, and have this many bad thoughts, and all that. im convinced that all this anxiety isnt normal (i mean, i do have an anxiety disorder, but y’know) the intrusive thoughts, all that. i really just dont think enough people talk about mental health, still, after so much has been done and talked. especially not teens, and definitely not teens of color. it makes me feel even more alone in the struggle to find out what’s normal and what isnt.

society doesn’t give a shit about teenagers, this much i know. i never see people talking good about us. it’s always “there’s a new tiktok trend about kids doing xyz” and “teens need to stop being in blank fandom space”. and it hurts my feelings because i feel like there’s a lot of good kids out there. but people are obsessed with painting us as bad people, and monsters, and it makes me feel like there’s no potential anywhere. for any type of change. because nobody thinks that we can do anything but fuck everything up colossally. so those are my thoughts on that.

i wish i had something good to say, but i really don’t. i want to punch a wall and scream at the top of my lungs that i literally hate everything about everything, even if it isnt true. i feel trapped. that i cant say everything i feel to the people who matter most. and it’s not my fault, i know it isnt. but thats not stopping me from being in this tiny bubble.

[diminuel]

Do you think one of the reasons so many see dean as a bottom has to do with how they relate so much to dean and they are bottoms that they transfer that? I understand that because I’ve done it with other ships myself but I guess I just find it weird that some fans can be so hostile towards bottom cas. (For the record I think all interpretations are valid) I don’t relate to either of them but if I had to pick one it would be dean but my interpretation of his character from the text is that he’d have a hard time with it all. I just can’t see him ever bottoming at first. It would be major vulnerability. Because of this I have a preference for bottom cas. I won’t say there aren’t more things like aesthetically pleasing but those are minor in to how I see them. Cas is so accommodating I don’t think he would care he just wants to be with Dean. So if Dean wanted to top 100% of the time Cas would be more than fine with it, he doesn’t have hang ups. Because this show went on for so long I can see so many interpretations of these characters and of course AU is a completely different ballgame since they didn’t have the same things happen in those universes. Im much more likely to accept bottom dean in AUs but even then it’s hard for me to accept a characterization that is too off from how I see him. He’s such a prickly one lol I’m sure you’ve talked about this before so no need to rehash, but if you could link me to those posts I’d appreciate it.

(I wrote a nice little essay in response to this, but accidentally closed the window. Wah.)

I’m sure projection has a lot to do with how we interpret characters and develop preferences for fic we want to read (including how we would see/ imagine characters having sex). And maybe when we project strongly, any deviation from that projection feels like an affront? Still no reason to hate on bottom Cas of course (or bottom Dean of course).

But there are a lot of other reasons for why people prefer what they prefer; some might simply enjoy the idea of taking this somewhat macho seeming dude and have him bottom because it might act like a subversion to the persona. Others just like the visuals and some probably don’t care and decide who gets to bottom by tossing a coin or what flows better in the fic.

(Generally speaking, I think the constant mocking of bottom Cas is ridiculous.)

I agree with your interpretation of Dean. Dean grew up in a certain time and place in a certain community (if you can call hunters a community). An endless string of seedy motels and seedier bars along America’s roads and monster related crime scenes doesn’t seem like the most inviting place to learn and figure out your sexuality.

Does anyone, when they think of American hunters in the 90s and 00s as a concept, imagine them to be open minded people? How much nonsense about what it means “to be a man” did Dean soak up being in the presence of angry, traumatized men, who solved their problems by shooting at them, drinking and dying young? The fact that Dean was a teen and young adult in the 90s and 00s should also be considered. It’s probably difficult to unlearn things that he has picked up or the way he sees himself and how he sees and uses sex and sexual innuendo. (Dean’s subjected to physical and verbal violence that is sexualized frequently. He is being insulted for being “pretty”, he is called a girl or a princess for perceived weakness or displaying emotions, not even only from villains, but from family too. He casually insults Sam too for interests and actions Dean considers “unmanly”. And Sam observes, early on, that people think Dean is gay because he’s kinda butch and probably overcompensating. So in a normal, everyday setting outside of hunter haunts, Dean sticks out as well exactly for adopting this macho attitude that gets him respect - in theory - from the crowd that surrounded him growing up.)

On top of that, the Dean Cas first met is a repressed, traumatized, angry bastard. I can imagine that sex that doesn’t happen within Dean’s usual “safe” parameters (women picked up in bars, no strings attached, just for fun) would make him feel vulnerable. It doesn’t even have to come as far as bottoming. And on top of that Cas is a monster shaped like a dude. The monster fucking might be even more of a problem than the dude fucking. Even if nobody knew about it, Dean knows that this would provide a target for attack and while Dean might grin it off, those blows still land.

I think... if you take Dean later in life, with a better network of friends and actual support in his life that goes beyond his brother (who might be more open minded, but is still his father’s son and also couldn’t escape the background radiation of the hunter lifestyle) there’s a better chance of him unlearning harmful impulses and relearning and rediscovering his identity.

I also agree with your take on Cas. Personally, I don’t think about what Cas wants out of sex with Dean as much. He did not grow up in a human society, he doesn’t have the same concepts about sex, gender and identity that Dean has. He only learns about it by mimicking Dean. Sex is boring to him as an angel, he is indifferent to other people’s sexual orientation, still he does typical “heterosexual dude” things when written by Buckleming he’s human. In pretty much every instance where sex or kissing are touched upon, Cas reacts to someone else initiating. So that’s how I think Cas is. He would follow Dean’s lead and pine endlessly if Dean doesn’t initiate anything. (Which is why I don’t really dig Cas being too pushy when it gets to sexual things if we’re in a canon compliant setting.)

I should probably save and post this before I delete it again. If people want to share input or discuss their takes, be my guest! (Just remember that we’re talking about fictional people and fictional sex and that sex can have narrative implications in fiction that it doesn’t have IRL...)

I have a tag for discussions like this but I’m not sure what exactly I’ve already talked about.