#when im struggling I say Kms a lot

[legendoftherisingtide]

as time goes on i see so much more positive mindset in the world. it feels like the world is growing out of its edgy phase, like all the 2010s dark humor is washing down the river. it feels like we as a people are healing. and if that healing is in the form of vine booms and random sound effects, i will take that over the suicidal jokes that stopped being jokes after a while.

idk stop saying “kms” or “i want to die” or any of that. it’s funny when it’s funny but when that is your immediate thought when something happens, stop and take a minute. think about why you keep saying that and really let yourself breath for a moment.

surround yourself with good things. and that includes your thought processes.

[astralnymphh]

hopping on this train about the whole smut is overdone and sexualization of ellie thing since i'm bored ! i agree with the whole thing about certain scenes centered around struggle and sorrow being sexualized, and the watering down of her character— it definitely happens quite often, and whenever i do see those scenes where ellie is at her lowest i have a sense of like "my poor baby noo" so i can see that. think ive only used that image of her torn up back for reference once, but that was it. sometimes i do think her personality gets very misrepresented, but tbh i don't mind a purely cocky or purely loser ellie when it's done in balance. feel like when you write one, you get called out for not putting the other into play. unless im hallucinating. idk.

on the other hand, the debate about smut and the need for more angst, fluff, and plot— i'm a tinge in the gray area abt this. if you've seen any of my works (oneshots or series) especially copy that romeo, you know i'm a plot warrior 😭 unreleased knight!ellie is literally my most yappalicious fic (in the shakespearian way). yet most of my works feature smut, cause i'm either horny or feelin romantical, but also it's entertaining to write. tickles my pickle, mayhaps 🔥. but like, realistically? from the bottom of my heart? bottom of my booty? plot is hellacious to delve into. making stories from scratch or even sewing up a new path within the realm of a different video game— can be grueling. so, i can see why people don't jump into it as much. i encourage people to try, definitely, even a modicum of plot can really put the ommphh in your fic IF you are searching for it. but I'll be so so honest sometimes fleshing out stories makes me want to BOIL and get straight to the romance dialogue or whatever. so when i say i can see both sides— i do because writing smut woven by a majority of dialogue can be funner and simpler. like a little treat.

a lot of people debating this state these as opinions, and claim nobody is targeted in the process, but with the passion i'm seeing being bootyfucked into long long paragraphs, i just think that some names have to blossom to mind?? like almost indirectly, yknow? or maybe i'm just paranoid. i love love LOVE all the people debating this don't take this wrongly, TRUST i love some of ur accounts, especially those who like to analyze ellie's charecter I LOVE IT (i already forgot the name of the person who kind of sparked this whole thing but ily) but yeah. i just feel even opinions could be taken to heart by those who want to write, or write smut, and feel guilty for it. maybe that's how my brain works but. putting it out there ig.

anyways ELLIE WILLIAMS BREEDING KINK fic is in the works and that definitely has plot (kms) so buckle in for that ride!!!! 🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯

DAILY CLICK . IMPORTANT TLOU POST . PALESTINE INFO

[fefairys]

suicide jokes are such a Problem like im in a group where someone asked everyone to please stop making suicide jokes around them because it's extremely triggering to them, and even though they all said they'd stop, some of them still do it sometimes on accident because it's just second nature to them to say "im gonna kill myself" as a joke.

and a lot of people justify it by saying "well i struggled with/struggle with suicide so i can joke about it" and like man ok??? i fucking guess?? but you need to be able to turn it off (ALL THE WAY) when someone asks at LEAST.

and even still, it's not healthy to constantly "joke" that you want to kill yourself, ESPECIALLY if you really do. if your constant knee-jerk response to stuff is "im gonna kms" it's going to feed into your actual suicidal ideation and make it worse. find a new thing to say.

[stormblessed95]

I swear I'm trying not to be delusional but the tl is going crazy right now (k-kms included). Not the shiny gold matching rings on right hand & on the ring finger 😭😭🥺 what am i gonna do with this information 🥺🥺🥺 kookmin, what was the reason? Let us in 😭😭

Ahagsgavajsus!!! ME TRYING TO NOT BE DELULU DONT ASK ME ABOUT THIS!!!

This was filmed during September-ish too btw. Which falls into THIS time period and dynamics for them.... just a tad....

Not to like add to anyones delulu. But I'm STRUGGLING OKAY. STRUGGLING

Wtf is about where I am with my feelings here. Okay? I just see this cuteness and see the gold flashing!

And I mean, let's be clear, they seem to buy and wear matching rings quite a lot, but I'm in general not seeing a lot of gold here

Please don't ask me anything else about this. Imma try to actively NOT think about it. I'll share more thoughts over this when we we get more content from the second half of the year in 2021. Share more of my thoughts of their 2021 dynamics. I'm not saying they got married legally or anything. Absolutely not. 1, it's not legal or recognized where they live and 2, they are not out as a couple. And 3, this was technically a stylized photoshoot. But I'm not seeing gold rings on anyone else's finger, so who knows if those are theirs or they picked them out of the stylists jewelry together or it was gifted from a collection, or what. Who knows. And you don't need a legal marriage to make a life long commitment to someone. Just saying. This is all just me though 😭😅 AND IM DOING JUST FINE. LEAVE ME ALONE

[jihyoruri]

okay. My analysis on why cibyn has to end up with chaewon

first. it’s literally canon that yunjin just LIKES yn a lot. chaewon LOVES her.

cibyn is averse to falling in love. she’s (to my knowledge) never done it before, and doesn’t really want to.

if she were to fall in love with someone, I feel like she’d be very unhappy about it and anxious, maybe even feel weak. she’d probably have a really hard time with it, and would struggle a LOT.

yunjin does not know cibyn as well as chaewon does. chaewon has been bestfriends with cibyn for YEARS, and probably knows her a lot (if not, a little) better.

i think cibyn would have a harder time realizing she “loved” yunjin than if she loved chaewon. It’s easier when someone’s been your bestfriend for years and understands you, already knows your parent(s), and you feel comfortable with them.

I’m not saying she dislikes yunjin or feels uncomfortable, but if you’re falling in love for the first(?) time, and you already feel helpless and weak, it would make more sense for it to happen with someone you’ve already built a bond with over years and years than someone you’ve only known for one or two. I just think that cibyn would be a bit more okay with falling in love with chaewon than with yunjin because of how averse she is to it. but then…. possibility of angst of her not wanting to ruin the friendship cause she’s scared GRAAAAH IM KMS

basically. It’d be safer and make more sense for the girl who was taught love is stupid and useless and weak to fall in love with someone who makes her feel safe and understands her than with someone she met a few years ago. (delusion incoming!) maybe she’s already love with chaewon guys.. maybe she just doesn’t want to admit it maybe it’s repressed but maybe she’s always loved chaewon and just doesn’t know and seeing her with someone else makes her sad and irrational and she is never mean or petty but it makes her want to be.. and she’s so confused of her emotions and when it finally clicks she’s like oh. and she is so scared and mad at herself that she pushes chaewon away AHAAAAHAHAHNPLEASSPELEAPLSEPLEASE I’ll take angst as long as they r endgame

also yunjin could get over it eventually chaewon would fucking die just LET HER BE HAPPY PLEAAASSE😭😭

-🎏

I love ur analysis on this I really understand where you’re coming from with everything, I can’t say if ur right about certain things because that will spoil but I can say that ur so right about chaewon she would acc crash out it would be the biggest crash out in kpop history

[d1et-cok3]

Hey so i know i haven't posted in a month or two and im sorry about that but for like all of November Ive been in a binge cycle and i cant stop its genuinely scares me how much i eat and im constantly hungry i an feel my body begging for food and Ive recently started looking forward to meals which is terrifying i can see myself getting fatter instead of skinnier and it makes me wanna die i just want to stop eating but its getting so fucking hard to even skip one meal then i get home i eat more its like all my self control is gone and all my progress is going down the drain im horrified of getting back into the 170s i was so huge and at least right now im not as big as before but Ive been smaller even though i never really been small in the first place Ive been fat all my life and i need to break the cycle and be the skinniest one in my family and friend group i want to look pretty in clothes and be able to shower without wanting to drown myself right then and there and i cant help but notice how many times Ive said im getting back on track but it never works i miss my honeymoon phase when i dropped like 15 pounds in a month then it all just kid of froze and i gained and dropped the same weight for like 3 months and now im gaining even more and it feels like im suffocating in it in all of the food i eat and my fat i miss almost passing out when i stood up and always being dizzy i miss the dread when it came to eating not me squealing like a pig in excitement i can tell its bad when i finish my food or get seconds or eat faster or let myself get dirty plus i broke my phone so i cant track everything as efficiently especially because of school and its been really hard and i don't have a scale and i can feel clothes that were getting looser getting tight again and its mortifying i want to die or just bleed out i want to cut all the fat out of my body and just be skinny i know i need to love the process but its hurts and this cycle has hurt me worse physically and mentally then starving ever did i miss bruising easily being pale and looking like i hadn't slept or ate in days i wish that i didn't give in so easily its embarrassing how sometimes i ask if someones hungry and they say no but i eat anyway my brain still judges people for being fat when there skinnier than me and it hurts because i wish that i could be that skinny and eat food without gaining its not fair people in my school say that they wanna be fat or gain lots of weight and i tell them why they don't but they don't understand how much worse literally my whole life is because of it sorry about my ramble i just am struggling to cope with his and a lot of shit is happening in my life and me losing control is not helping i hope this is the last time i have to say this but i am going to be getting my life together and i will be skinny my goal was to be skinny by Christmas while i know that cant happen now kms but i can be skinnier and i can be better then now i hope to weigh less than my sister for once and get the smaller size unlike now when i bet a size bigger every time people will buy us stuff and she gets a small and i get a medium and there like i hope it fits like im not that fat damn but there right Jesus that was a lot to type anyways wish me luck and i really hope this works ill try and update you on my progress but i might forget lol. bye thank you.

November 29th 2023

[ultraviolet-psyche]

Aight lemme be real for a minute

As someone with autism, I really don't like the growing trend in Gen Z Internet slang towards extremely negative and/or concerning phrases being meant in a positive manner. Especially when aimed at strangers. Especially when there's no obvious indication that the intent is positive.

I don't struggle with things like sarcasm, hyperbole or tone as much as other autistics I know, but if someone commented something like "IM GONNA KMS" on a fic or post of mine, with no tone tags, clarification or any other obvious signs of positivity. I'd have a lot of trouble discerning whether they really enjoy my content, they really hate my content, or they're genuinely in a bad place and crying out for help. If I wasn't already aware of the potential positive intent, I'd immediately assume one or both of the latter two. And that would be really upsetting to me.

Many autistic people struggle to understand phrases that say one thing, but mean the complete opposite. To me, at least, this recent development in online language feels very sudden, and now I'm trying to get used to "omg kys" meaning something positive in certain contexts. I've always known that phrase to be one of the most horrible things you can ever say to someone.

If we're going to be saying wild and unhinged things to Internet strangers to indicate enjoyment of their work, can we at least go back to things like "I wanna eat this" and "This [thing] helped me more than therapy"? I don't care if you use this new slang with your friends or whatever, just... please at least reconsider hitting random strangers with things that could be easily read as negative, or if you really wanna say it, at least give an obvious indication that you mean it positively. When in doubt, just leave a clear, easy-to-understand compliment like "I loved this" or "good job".

[sewercentipede]

https://thebaffler.com/salvos/bullys-pulpit

re:cowardice

imo it's something of a virtue. i'm so glad you're still here. i'm really glad you're still alive and i hope you stick around as long as you can.

I’m gonna put a “read more” cuz my response is kind of long 😅

thank u for the article. it is... interesting, and while I don’t agree with many of its claims and wordings, and there’s a lot i could say about the things it discusses, dissecting it would take a while as it covers a lot of ground and doing so would b a digression imo

but i think yes many times dependíng on perspective cowardice can be seen as a virtue and sometimes what is socially deemed as cowardly is actually bravery

im really touched by ur message, it’s hard to believe that ppl on the internet give a shit — and when I’ve gotten replies from ppl telling me they care, at the time i felt only apathy or resentment due to my depression — but you and the other anons I’ve gotten have made me feel a lot of love today.

in truth there is more to my inability to kms than cowardice alone, a lot of the reason I stay alive is bc i don’t want to hurt the ppl who love me. I’ve had friends attempt suicide, had friends and family struggle with their own suicidal desires, and have had friends and family die from the methods I’d use to kms, and others die suddenly and young; I’ve even had friends attempt to kill themselves and had to intervene to save their lives, which is fucking weird to think about. every time I’ve gone thru ppl I care about dying in these ways it’s hurt me so much it’s like it has wounded my very heart and soul and that wound may scar over but it will never leave. I struggle a lot with my desire to end my suffering—the feeling that I deserve for it to end on my terms—and the resulting wake of pain doing so would cause my loved ones that would alter them for the rest of their lives. and I will never come to a decision on whether suicide is more selfish than keeping someone alive to suffer because losing them would hurt too much.

when it comes down to it in the moments where the pain is overwhelming and all I want is to stop it by any means necessary, what stops me isn’t my loved ones, it’s fear. and I think whether that fear is a virtue doesn’t really matter, the fear happens to keep me alive which most ppl would agree is a good thing (i have mixed feelings about whether it is good or not). it serves a purpose. can the instinct for self preservation be considered virtuous? idk.. idk. it is certainly a perspective I’ve not considered so deeply before now.

anyway im sorry to ramble but thank you again for ur words <3 I rly appreciate it

[devilscastle69]

Hi, I just wanted to say I've seen a few of your posts recently and I just wanted to send internet hugs (if you like them). It sounds like you've been going through a hell of a lot and it makes so much sense that you're tired and overwhelmed and struggling every day.

When it comes to struggling to relating to people a) it makes so much sense, because you weren't given the chance to, but b) it's okay to have highly specific interests and not want to go outside of that. Lots of people do, both neutotypical and atypical. And as long as it's what you enjoy, that's all that matters. Some people might struggle with it, but that's a them problem, not a you problem. In your life, what you enjoy is the most important thing.

The crying when you were young and praying to go to purgatory, and knowing things were wrong but other's not? That sounds really hard, like you could tell there were dynamics going on and were trying to navigate them. Maybe you were better at spotting patterns so knew where to tread (again, sometimes people call this an autistic thing, but lots of people do this too), or maybe you just have higher anxiety than others and that was what drove everything. But your family sounds really hard, expecting you to just put up with homophobia instead of standing up for you. It kind of feels like your mum went back on accepting you, too, taking it okay one day and screaming at you a few days later. That's exactly the type of thing that you could have known would happen when you were younger, so you tried to not be the thing that would get you yelled at or excluded.

It sucks getting to this point in your life without knowing who you are, especially when it came with so much self-hatred, but I want to tell you that a lot of people love their 30s because they learn more about themselves and stop self-destructing and actually start living how they want to. Would it help to try and consider everything you've been through as an experience that taught you something? It sounds like you were just desperate to try and get things right and that's what lead to the self-hatred, but you shouldn't be blamed for trying to survive. And now, instead of continuing to feel self-hatred, you can actively choose to be nice to yourself, show yourself the compassion I know you show your friends 💚 you're not wrong for standing up to your mum and sister, that means that you're standing up for yourself, and your younger self would be so in awe of you for doing that 💚 sorry for the long ramble, feel free to call this weird from a stranger on the internet💚

tysm anon <33 i remind myself a lot that im in a much better place than i was even a year ago like physically, emotionally, spiritually, but sometimes things happen and i feel overwhelmed. im also still trying to stand up for myself appropriately and i was upset bc i was actively trying to communicate how i was feeling without like trying to blame her and she exploded probs out of guilt or confusion or grief or outright denial & it was really viscous and hurtful! but im def trying to work on getting my brain to be like "wow!!! that really sucked!!! fuck that!" instead of "i want to kms!!!! fr this time!!!" (it's never all the way fr but it feels fr in the moment) my fam is complicated and the dynamics are pretty fucked and ik why they are that way but knowing that doesnt fix anything bc itd be even worse attempting to point it out bc i have a pretty good idea for how itd go unfortch.

anyway appreciate the thoughts and support. i do go to therapy and do the self care i think it was too many events all at once. <3 hope u have a great day/night/etc.

[so-much-nonsense]

because this is life

yest i wanted to kms and today im sitting on my bed struggling to study without getting distracted. this is so funny to me. yest nothing in the whole world mattered. yest i couldnt care less about all this but, today, here i am, giving it so much importance. are we all just lil creatures. if yes why did i have to suffer so much. i dont want to live anymore. it stopped feeling like im living, for myself. i cant exactly tell when. bc few days back i was so happy and thoughtful about amount of emotions i can go through. yest night something just snapped and i sobbed uncontrollably in silence as i laid in my bed covered in sheets in the dark. what are friends and family in these moments? yest i wanted to die and no one were there for me. not even one person i could think of that i could call for some safety net. or even just to talk. my "friends" seem to be busy with their own fucking lives, lives im not a part of. "family" i cant call and worry. "people whod listen to me" i refuse to open upto. what has my life become today. before yesterday my life was so rich. after today if you ask me ill tell you it still is but ill be lying. i should stop opening these apps and checking my messages again and again. fucking not one person is gonna text me or even reply to me. its not vulnerability i am scared of, its misunderstandings. we as smol humans seem to have a lot of these every single day and they ruin lives. ig this is life now. crying in secret. lonely. questioning everything. but ik ill not feel a thing in this blog a time from now. if i still do itd really be the worst life. there is nothing to say anymore. my mind blank but suffering, lost in chaos. sometimes i think i just write all these things because i like writing. but a little later in life i thank myself for having closure. it is so bad that i feel isolated from everyone. i feel like i cannot to talk to anyone. i feel like everyone is going ahead with their life but me. dying is not an option. so idk. also annoying how much importance i can give to people and never get it back. i have never been this person but i think im slowly changing into this person. do i stop caring? idts. bc i think everyone is sad, at least a little bit. so if im there for them in even one of those moments im happy to be. hence i dont find a reason to shut off people. regardless of what they might to(unless theyre horrible things) they are also learning and i would be happy to be there for them. i want to be there for people all the time. i dont understand this urge. maybe because there never was or is anyone for me.

[beloved-diary]

My girlfriend is very sweet. An i really do like them but i know im fucking up the relationship my just my fears afrom my last relationship. To be fair i think its expected of me. Personally if course that would happen. Is it fair, no. Is it a realistic thing people who suffered from an abusicr relationship? Yes. ,(its very odd calling it abusive btw. I was aware to an extent. But its weird having someone whose in the system/close to my ex call it that. I really appreciate it. It feels very validating.) Sometimes i feel punished for being wary, which is something they also feel an i get.

Not that i think their my ex, just that this stuff has been pretty fucking ruined for me. Regardless dating her or someone else definitely this would of been an issue. Which is smth i feel like is slightly overlooked. Not that i blame them. I think it's understandable an im just trying to comfort them about it. I made them cry when they talked about it an i wanted to fucking kms. I feel sorry on making my partner cry about such a thing.

Though i do think wanting to hold back financially an doing??? Service?( unsure of the word rn) is not something that is bad to ask. When i said that it got a fairly bad respond an it makes me just feel a bit shitty. An question intentions. An i know shes not using me. But i also dont understand why it had such a bad response. I need to rebuild my savings. I need to not do as much as i did kn the last relationship. At least in the beginning of ours. I really want it to be mutusl. Not because rheir my ex, because im just setting myseld up for disaster if i do.

She told me before to prove im serious about her an not going to break up with her after 3 weeks an mentioned my situation with M as a reason. I'm not gonna cry to much about it. I do plan too. But i feel majorly miss understood about that. I love M an i kniw he does too. But sometimes its just a bit to much hearint how he loves my ex an how my ex is a good person, even when i tapk about it. Its glazed over, veey much ignored. Not that i blame him. Just that i don't think its insane of me to think that. Maybe our circumstances our different. But i dont think i should be punished for holding everyone to a standard of friends an having respect for me an others. Especially about my situation. They have been understanding regardless. But i hate the lack of ??? Understanding an processing sometimes. For most of mt relationship with all kf them my feelings an my struggling has been overlooked. Because well i suppose us first mentallily which i get. But im human an it really hurts regardless. Im your partner, im your friend, im your besfriend. But i feel a nagging feeling that despite them actually loving me I'm just lower on the tier. Their love for him ir suppose loyalty will always come first. Which sucks. But i suppose i really walkeed into that. I unfortunately do not have that built into me as much an i wish i did. An im also jealous that hes able ti have such people in his life. An they saw this. The whole time. My gf says he's abusive, that i was abused. Yet its only something hes doing something about it NOW. It feels like now that they like me romancally they care enough. Which really fuckinh hurts an confuses me. An its been a thing of telling me to be quiet about it. Which i get. But it's a bit insenstivd. Be the bigger person. He's just a kid. I'm hurt, very so. I think theirs consequences an i don't like the sheltering.

An thats not just them. Its everyone. Unsure why the people closes to me are content with this. Is he jusr more likable? Which im sure is D's reasoning too lol. It's nothing new at this point. Do you think I'm actually abused? Or are these words to just appease me? You say thinks but actions don't line up. I really hope things are different. But she's mentioned breaking up an it just feels hopeless.

I'm gonna fuck up .y dream girl with my issuas but. I don't think its a lot to ask for.

[s0urt33th]

24/100

July 26, 2023

Finished Yesterday:

therapy

returning library books

I did some art hehe

planned when I'm going to quit

List of Grad Schools + email

Today:

Figure out how to apply for name change in my state + fill out paperwork

Book binding stuff sigh its taking so long

organize desk

Review Applications

Reflection

I talked to my therapist about my job and she had me list 10 things im proud of. That made me start crying. I have been doing so much and acknowledging that is hard- and not saying I "should" do anything (even this productivity thing) is something I struggle with. There's a lot of shame in not completing what I wanted to the day before, but there's always tomorrow.

I feel a shift to empower myself. I feel like this job is so traumatizing and I need to get out. So actually doing that and not being wishy washy is important to me. The date is August 2nd, but depending on my coworker we're gonna see if we can quit sooner. I need the money but at this point none of this is worth the heart ache. It makes me want to die. Im so appreciative of my friends and partner who's been helping me through not wanting to kms lol. I'm proud of myself for asking for comfort and for help and physical affection. Its so hard to do. I am excited for grad school. I want to be there. I want to get there.

I feel so much better after therapy - like so much more sure of myself. I didn't expect it to actually help me out idk lmao. ESP not in this way.

After this job the next (kinda traumatic) scenario is dealing with my parents and them learning to accept that I'm trans. Maybe I should make them a zine. Maybe that could help them understand. They're trying but I dont know how much longer I can deal with the hurt. I keep searching for their approval and my therapist pointed out how no matter what they would never express attention or would never acknowledge me for more than how "good" I was at accomplishing things. In my mind it's at the point where I can say it was leaning into neglect. It hurts a lot and I'm sad at how much I search for their approval but I still need it rn. I still feel like a kid in search of their affection and approval when I know they'll just come at me with arguments and debates. IDK where im going with this but I didn't expect my 100 days of productivity to involve such intense self reflections and realizations.

[qqtahng]

im going to put some octo2 thoughts here now that i’ve had time to digest it. there will be spoilers

overall i think i liked octo2 as a game more than 1. im sad they (understandably) changed some (kinda broken) mechanics from the first game (sp steal/share on thief and tomahawk nerf..............), but we got some great qol updates, like no more purple chests and the hunter’s monster system got LEAGUES better. all the jobs got more powerful overall despite them nerfing some aspects (i dunno if like a 1.5/1.5 turn kill on galdera was possible in the first game....... insane), the new parts were so fun to use (vengeful blade!!!!!!! arcanist as a whole!!! aaa!!!)

the music and art too oh my goddd. i didnt think it could get better but somehow it DID and i just. its amazing, aesthetically, on all fronts. yasunori nishiki could tell me to kms rn and i would. gladly. for all the work he put into the ost. just, chefs kiss. i dunno what else to say.

love love love the new travelers tho. they’re all very colorful and whlie i do like some more than others (hi tem, hi castti) i cant say i actively dislike any of them. thats not much different from the first game.

the writing was overall more enjoyable than 1 too imo, tho i dont get why they had the split route thing when they had progression recommendations for them anyway and it ended up being like... not much of a choice. the crossed paths were really nice. it would’ve been a Lot of work but i wish we had one for every combination of traveler rip. throne and tems was so good tho, definitely my fave of the bunch.

that aside im not gonna lie, i did not vibe w hikari partitio or agnea’s stories very much.

hikari’s story i think just did not fit the 5 chapter format very well. it felt really rushed to me and like it didnt have much depth to it. it was serviceable but didnt feel exciting to me.

paritio’s was... idk it felt a little repetitive?? hes a funny guy i like him but i think his goals were just a little too mundane and also global to be very interesting. like compare “i wanna get rid of poverty” to “im on a journey to unravel the mystery of who i once was”. like one of those is more intriguing and believable :/

agnea’s just felt way too low stakes compared to everyone else’s. i did see someone point out that the game might’ve felt a little too dark without it, which is... fair?? i guess?? the first game was also pretty dark it just took a little while longer to see compared to like, half the cast having a murder happen in their ch1. anyway, my girl just did not have an interesting story arc. it was all “i wanna be FAMOUS” without very many trials and tribulations tbh. not enough character struggle for me personally.

the final chapter was interesting. it was really cool to see everyone band together narratively to fight vide. mechanically, i also thought vide’s fight was cool as shit. all 8 on the field at once!! wow!! i do think the first game tied everyone in to the Big Bad better tho. bc like, wtf are u doing making fucking *npcs* the relevant ones from agnea and partitio’s stories?? like even in the first game the traveler’s that had weak ties to galdera’s revival were still like... idk it was still *them* and it was formative to their characters?? we have a reason to like graham via alfyn, and a reason as to why hes important via tressa, arguably 2 of the most indirect ties to galdera in 1 imo--graham also inspired alf to save others, and his journal eventually helped tressa learn the value of things that arent contemporarily accepted as treasure. idk i also felt like ori’s personality switch was so last minute. same for tanzy’s backstory tho the tragedy as to why she would follow through makes more sense. neither of them really had any impact on their respective traveler’s character either. like they didnt do anything to change their goals or personality. very weak.

i also dont know wtf was up w that alfred hornburg thing. like hello??? wtf are YOU doing here sir, u have gone and messed up my placing of the game in the series timeline/universe

but yeah. that last little bit of negativity aside, octo2 kinda just does what the first one did but better in most aspects. great game would recommend if u played the first. if the first didnt vibe w u, maybe would rec if u didnt vibe w the first bc the second is less frustrating mechanically.

[baekhvuns]

They wooooooon that's soooo cool not only the win itself, but when 3 of them were hosting what were the odds?! 💗💗💗💗 the encore with HongSeongSang serving Wave era realness 😭

Yes, Hwa interacted with some rookies, the ATBO guy, then someone from Younite, just adopt the kids! Keeho took his chance with Joong, just like Keonhee from Oneus, went for Hongjoong's buttcheek 😭 The undercut may have looked nice.... idk 😏 But mate if you want a ponytail I have a solution for you: GROW YOUR HAIR OUT 😊 sigh not gonna say anything, but 😳

The panther to Bodyguard Dumbles: I'm you but stronger. Stop because you keep teasing me and I'm gonna evaporate before you post it 😭

Ok this Noddy doesn't look THAT bad, but I can literally hear the fucking intro in my head and 🔪 WHAT THE FUCK NODDY WHAT DID YOU DO???

Because it was a more traditional hanbok I think 5 layers? It's still not that much hahaha, later I took off 3 layers of undergarments cause it was too hoooot, but the whole process of putting it on was fascinating.

THAT MINGI CARD JEZZSSSUSUSSS. So me and my friend got 6 albums in total and here are the pulls: FOUR Jongho ID cards?! Whack.... I don't need those, one Hongjoong ID, one San. Cards: Hwa x4 (lol), Mingi x4 (lol), Yunho x2, Joong x2, Yeosang x2, San, Woo and Jongho x1. Well we pulled everyone 😭

I'm gonna kms, because I've been talking about this sort of uni AU ever since runner Hwa made a comeback and... yes, yes this is exactly it! And you know perhaps they could bond over their struggles and help each other out, you get it 😭 more sporty Hwa coming AAAAAAAA. Omfg roller skating so nice, but fuck the teacher! I did lots of sports in primary and middle school, then lost interest but also started having some health issues.

Bestie I was never a water drinker, I suppose I drank it from time to time cause I had no choice? But I didn't have fun doing that. 👎🏻 I played football and tennis also did karate. I'm not very flexible anymore... on the contrary, the joints are popping :/

Yeah glazed donut therefore I need to BITE. Omfg Jongho in his God's Menu waiter era <3 the fits for Sector 1 were really neat, professor Mingi...

What is this IG post idususheshehebve I mean they made an effort with the makeup...

Personally I like the left bottom mood chart best!

Bestie I just saw this thread, Atinys are...... interesting 😭 Hwa winning in the nose... and tongue category too 🥴

K FUCKING Q BE NORMAL AND STOP THIS BULLSHIT. Oh to be a cat faced balloon - DV 💖

hi hello!!

They wooooooon that's soooo cool not only the win itself, but when 3 of them were hosting what were the odds?! 💗💗💗💗 the encore with HongSeongSang serving Wave era realness 😭

THE ODDS ARE REALLY IN THEIR FAVOUR THIS CB AND I HOPE IT LASTS A LONG WHILE 😭😭 sTOP BC SEONGHWA LOOKED SO CUTE IN THAT OUTFIT

Yes, Hwa interacted with some rookies, the ATBO guy, then someone from Younite, just adopt the kids! Keeho took his chance with Joong, just like Keonhee from Oneus, went for Hongjoong's buttcheek 😭 The undercut may have looked nice.... idk 😏 But mate if you want a ponytail I have a solution for you: GROW YOUR HAIR OUT 😊 sigh  not gonna say anything, but 😳

omg pls they’re all seniors now 😭🤚🏼 LMFAOOOO BFKWHDWK I SAW THAT BUTT CHEEK THING PLS 😭😭😭 nO HEY LOOK IF HE GROWS HIS HAIR COUR LONGER, IM PASSING AWAY AND COMING BACK AS CHANGED BLOG WHO ONLY WRITES FOR SEONGHWA 🔫

“The undercut may have looked nice.... idk 😏”

oh??????? i smELL A ETL WITH UNDERCUTS WITH U DBDBD

The panther to Bodyguard Dumbles: I'm you but stronger. Stop because you keep teasing me and I'm gonna evaporate before you post it 😭

LMFAOOO ABSOLUTELY SUPER STRONG and does not like seonghwa 🥰 JDJDJD how WILL U EVAPORATE IF U DONT GOT ANY WATER IN YOU 🔫🔫

Ok this Noddy doesn't look THAT bad, but I can literally hear the fucking intro in my head and 🔪 WHAT THE FUCK NODDY WHAT DID YOU DO???

NO BC THIS NODDY SO CUTE 😭😭 that other one???? good thing she gone but who tf designed her 😭😭😭 she looks more like annabelle than irl annabelle herself 😭😭 LMFAOOOO RIGHT???? GIRLIE I THOUGHT U WERE GOOD BUT A RACIST??? 😭😭😭🤚🏼

Because it was a more traditional hanbok I think 5 layers? It's still not that much hahaha, later I took off 3 layers of undergarments cause it was too hoooot, but the whole process of putting it on was fascinating.

AHHH IT WAS ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT NO? SO COOL WEARING IT AND DOING THAT SPIN

THAT MINGI CARD JEZZSSSUSUSSS. So me and my friend got 6 albums in total and here are the pulls: FOUR Jongho ID cards?! Whack.... I don't need those, one Hongjoong ID, one San. Cards: Hwa x4 (lol), Mingi x4 (lol), Yunho x2, Joong x2, Yeosang x2, San, Woo and Jongho x1. Well we pulled everyone 😭

NO RIGHT THAT MINGI CARD??? ROB LIST. FOUR?????? HFBWBDWN TIME TO TRADE BESTIES,,, 4 HWAS????? EXCUSE ME???? 🔫🔫 on my way open the door. iM ON MY WAY. WHICH HWAS DID U PULL THO? just got notif that my album is ready to be picked dbdbdb will be manifesting hwa <3

I'm gonna kms, because I've been talking about this sort of uni AU ever since runner Hwa made a comeback and... yes, yes this is exactly it! And you know perhaps they could bond over their struggles and help each other out, you get it 😭 more sporty Hwa coming AAAAAAAA. Omfg roller skating so nice, but fuck the teacher! I did lots of sports in primary and middle school, then lost interest but also started having some health issues.

YOU GOT IT I WILL WRITE IT THIS POST REEKS SPORTS RIVALS HWA I WILL ABSOLUTELY WRITE IT,,, yes the rivalry first and then the struggles and how they help each other and then have fun during it and then ultimately be that one team <3 wow the nsfw part, might just be 🤌🏼��✨ yEAH FUCK TEACHER 🔫🔫😭 ur life is so chaotic, u did everything and did sO many jobs and then also travelled so much??? hOW

Bestie I was never a water drinker, I suppose I drank it from time to time cause I had no choice? But I didn't have fun doing that. 👎🏻 I played football and tennis also did karate. I'm not very flexible anymore... on the contrary, the joints are popping :/

LMFAOOO i just imagine u getting yelled at for not drinking water while chugging down a drink <3 oOHO KARATE?? i did it once but never after that’s dbdb LMFAOOOO UR JOINTS ARE JOPPING, GET IT J = JOINTS AND POPPING = THE JOINT POPPPING? NO? OKAY BDDB

Yeah glazed donut therefore I need to BITE. Omfg Jongho in his God's Menu waiter era <3 the fits for Sector 1 were really neat, professor Mingi...

miss ma’am.

NO. NO DONT PUT PROF MINGI NO. 🔫.

and??

What is this IG post idususheshehebve I mean they made an effort with the makeup... Personally I like the left bottom mood chart best!

LMFAOOOO 😭😭 THE WAY MY JAW DROPPED WHEN THE MAKEUP PART CAME 😭😭😭 oKAY GOT IT I WILL USE THAT ONE!!! THANK U!!!

Bestie I just saw this thread, Atinys are......interesting 😭 Hwa winning in the nose... and tongue category too 🥴

doja was right.

why did u send this to me.

it’s making me want to write a neW fIc jfbwndbdndbdbdbd 😀.

K FUCKING Q BE NORMAL AND STOP THIS BULLSHIT. Oh to be a cat faced balloon - DV 💖

NO LITERALLY THATS SO MUCH STUFF???? KQ ARENT WE OVERTHROWING THE GOVT NOT THE ENVIRONMENT HELP???????

BESTIE DID U SEE THIS DBDBDBDBDB

…🧍🏻‍♀️

a little quiz !!!

[fairycosmos]

about the screaming post and the anon before, i get it it's so frustrating because i don't know how to talk about what i'm feeling and it's so difficult when someone dismisses my concerns and just says im overreacting or just oversensitive. i recently went to a therapist and she was very nice and all but she basically pinned all of my probelms on the covid lockdown and basically said there's nothing to see here lol. how do i tell a woman who's almost always grinning that sometimes i want to kill myself and maybe affirmations and drinking more water is not going to fix it. idk i just feel so weird and it makes me question if im just making shit up. sorry to dump this on u i just wanted to get it out i guess. thank u for being so amazing and cool <3

i hear u completely. it’s really weird how uncaring so many mental health professionals are and how they’ll do absolutely anything to minimise your mental illness in order to minimise their workload. i am so so sorry you’ve had that experience and i really hope you can find a therapist who you’re more compatible with soon. it can definitely take a few tries to get it right in that regard (unfortunately.) but the most important thing to remember is that you’re not making things up at all. there’s a reason you reached out for help in the first place, there’s a reason you don’t feel well. you’re self aware and that’s a positive in terms of recovery. i know it’s really hard but try to do what you can to keep advocating for yourself, because you matter and so does your mental health - and there IS a lot of support out there, or at least there should be, and if you need to demand it then demand it. you’re not always going to be stuck with this exact feeling, especially not if you can find a good therapist. side note this sounds like such a basic tip but if you struggle to articulate your feelings, writing down and outlining what you want to say beforehand can help take some of that pressure off because it means you’re not being put on the spot. also it’s mad that they’re really pinning everything on the lockdown. its been hard for everyone but suicidal ideation is not a normal side effect of the pandemic and it’s so shit that they made you feel that way. you’re not in the wrong here - i really hope you’re able to find someone who actually validates ur concerns in the future. im proud of you for getting help in the first place because i know that must’ve been really hard. honestly, it’s so exhausting. like this whole thing. when i eventually kms i don’t want anyone to say they didn’t know i was having a hard time. ive been hurting for fucking ever LMFAO. and literally nobody listens to me, that’s how my lifes ended up looking like this - other than my own faults ofc. anyway im sending you all the love in the universe ok. you’re not overreacting, know that! x

[heartate-aa]

bro raphael i can see u editing the doc rn im comparing it to the copy i made ur literally lying saying i ever suicide baited you or that i emotionally cheated on you you are literally. lying holy shit

like i can understand how throwaway “i wanna die” “i wanna kms” etc statements comes off that way but i was literally just fucking ?? venting my feelings and they were NEVER intended to ?? guilt trip you or anyone else like ??? i am black and white in my extremes of emotions and you know this from me struggling with my bipolar disorder. i go from one extreme to the next and it is NOT fair to criticize me in a spiraling breakdown and try to weaponize that as your proof that i was doing things maliciously to be awful. i see the way it comes across even though it wasn’t my intention. there’s literally just like, so many things that i just don’t understand it’s conveyed poorly when i don’t mean it that way and like... you as my boyfriend could have told me too. like, hold me accountable? instead of letting me eat shit and then lashing out when it was convenient for you. like i get that sounds rich for someone who could never speak up to you or tell you anything because i was too anxious so in part i don’t fault you for that but it’s NOT fair to twist things i did as being malicious. were they shitty? yes. did they come across really poorly? yes. were they hurtful? yes. but i don’t sit here and scheme raphael. you trying to paint me as evil by implying that i do that is just gross and a lie. i have done a lot of shitty things out of impulsivity and my lack of critical thinking or thinking in depth and that is 100% on me but it’s such a gross mischaracterization of me to try to say that i was, at any point, malicious. the fact that you’re editing all of this right now to continue to try to slander me just shows me that you are, indeed, not sorry, that any apology you littered into that doc means nothing and you don’t mean them and you’re just saying them to save face and the fact that you had to write “if sabrina wants me to apologize again i will” just speaks to your insincerity. give me a break dude