#which I'm damn fucking proud of btw

[sunny-daysss]

Related to my last post, but this is literally Mirai's range in UTAU

[aithusarosekiller]

An Extensive List Of Ouizzy Hcs

Frenchie is a cuddler. If he gets the opportunity to latch on like a koala you know damn well that he will do it. This is often paired with soft kisses to wherever is closest to his face. He and Izzy were initially very casual with very little intimacy, until one day Frenchie just decided to cuddle up and Izzy had the realisation of 'oh shit, this is actually really nice'

Izzy's response to the first 'I love you' was a very panicked 'fuck off' until he remembered how similarly Ed had responded to his confession and freaked the fuck out because he didn't want Frenchie to feel that way. He was too emotionally constipated to apologise so he just left the room. It took two days for him to approach Frenchie and manage an apology, which was accepted a lot quicker than he anticipated.

Frenchie is so proud that he managed to pull the Izzy Hands and will not fail to mention it to EVERYBODY he comes across. He is very much the 'Well, yesterday, my husband said...' 'According to Iz- that's my boyfriend btw-' 'hey, this is Izzy, he's my beautiful boyfriend' 'I'm so lucky to have a husband like Iz' 'I have a partner too, his name is Izzy and-' 'sorry, I've got a date with my darling Izzy today' type of partner

Frenchie smiles in his sleep. It's adorable.

Jim is their no.1 supporter. They gave Frenchie the shovel talk, which he genuinely did not see coming. They think their relationship is 'cute', which made Izzy particularly grumpy and reluctant to talk to them for a week.

Izzy is a sub

Izzy always falls asleep first but he's a super light sleeper so Frenchie is careful to not move or even breathe too loud because he is terrified of waking him

Stede knew they were dating before Izzy did

Izzy will usually shut down Frenchie's superstitious theories but will occasionally indulge him if he's particularly adamant and it won't cause any harm bc at least it makes Frenchie happy to be believed.

The room they choose to hide Izzy in when he gets shot is the room the two of them had been secretly meeting up in for several weeks before the canon s2 timeline picks up. Frenchie just panicked and took him right there, having to come up with an excuse to give to Archie when she asked why he wanted to drag Izzy behind a dusty shelf.

Frenchie gives neck hugs, Izzy goes for the arms around the waist + face in shoulder hug. Occasionally Izzy will come up and hug him from behind but he finds it more intimate for some inexplicable reason so he rarely does it, especially in the company of others.

They can't go anywhere without walking into some big, scary guy Izzy once hooked up with. But Frenchie quickly grew to not mind because out of all of them, Iz still chose to stick the superstitious barely-pirate with no survival skills whatsoever so are any of them really that cool after all?

Lucius takes every opportunity to tease Izzy about their relationship. He will not stop until he gets a satisfying reaction. Or until he gets bored enough to make up an excuse for leaving...

Frenchie is a biter. No further information.

They don't usually do anniversaries but they DO frequently pretend that it's their anniversary when they want to get out of doing something for somebody else

In S1E4, Frenchie is the one that left the prosthetic at Izzy's door. He's also the one that told Lucius what to put on the note.

Izzy sometimes sings when he's really focused on something but he'll deny it to the end of time. Frenchie hears sometimes and just quietly listens. He'll switch between languages when he sings depending on his mood and Frenchie loses all human cognitive abilities when he brings out the French.

One day, Frenchie 'adopts' a rat he found onboard and calls it Maddy, Izzy hates it but still manages to convince Roach not to skin it and feed it to a seagull, all bc it made Frenchie happy. Ofc if you asked him, he'd say he had nothing to do with the thing being kept.

Frenchie manages to somehow slip the word 'babe' into every conversation

Izzy's a hand kisser. Especially the palms.

They both go to Wee John when they're stressing about gifts or smth and it gets to a point where he knows more about their relationship than they do

Izzy accidentally let the words 'my love' slip ONCE and is not allowed to forget it

There is nothing Frenchie wouldn't do to hear that man laugh. He'll do absolutely anything just to see him smile or laugh, which initially proves to be quite difficult.

They are girl dads idec

Izzy occasionally smokes, and it's one of the key ways Frenchie can tell if he is in pain or stressed out

They make bets about everyone else on the ship constantly. About almost anything.

Izzy tried to teach Frenchie how to read but his reading skills are relatively limited so it really didn't go well. They end up going to Ed for help because Izzy banned him from asking Lucius.

Frenchie knows a lot about flowers. He never says how but he'll go on about them for ages. Izzy secretly gives it endearing.

The black jacket Frenchie wears in s2 was given to him by Izzy. He made some adjustments and added the cat to the back and then started to wear it constantly; he quite liked wearing it because it felt like a comforting layer of protection and familiarity from the horrors around them

[starsandhughes]

Penalty Box Series— Trevor Zegras Edition (Six)

23-24 Season Masterlist

previous: five

next: seven

OCTOBER 28, 2023

these have been short lately i’m so sorry

yourusername

liked by trevorzegras, leocarlssoon, and 15,688 others

yourusername welcome back to my postgame penalty box update show: MY BABY DADDY SCORED HIS FIRST GOAL OF THE SEASON EDITION!

tonight, my duckies won 7-4 against the flyers! coincidentally, the only time the ducks scored 7 goals last season was also in a 7-4 win where trevor scored and stromer assisted on it! isn't that fun? yay stats! that's my mans and my hero!

you'll notice that i put 0.5 as the penalty count, and that's because z sat for a too many men bench penalty, which don't count towards his personal minutes, but he was still in the box!

and our son! he's taking after his father with his second penalty of the season! i’m so proud of you, leo! i love you! we love criminals in the zegras-hughes family <3

i’m so proud of you guys! you're 3-0 on the roadie so far, with one more game to go! this is your season, boys! i love you!

my love, i’m so incredibly happy for you, and beyond proud! here's to the first of many! (i chugged my drink when he scored to celebrate btw so if you're currently drinking— chug! chug! chug! chug!) i love you, always, sweet boy🧡

p.s. FRANKY TANKY! MY BOY! CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR SECOND HATTY! YOU AND AUSTON PAPI MATTHEWS ARE NOW THE ONLY TWO IN THE NHL WITH TWO HATTIES! IT'S YOUR YEAR, BESTIE! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! I LOVE YOU! MWAH!

p.s.s. coachy cro, never stop sending z in as the default criminal! it brings me immense joy!

tagged trevorzegras and leocarlssoon

view all 139 comments

trevorzegras i love that you love stats, my precious little weirdo! i wouldn't know my accomplishments without you telling me them🧡 i love you, forever

yourusername y/n "sissy" soon to be zegras-hughes: professional event planner, professional nerd, professional fiancé supporter

trevorzegras damn right

lhughes_06 JUST fiancé supporter?

jackhughes sissy, your brothers exit

colecaufield sissy, your friends exist

yourusername @/lhughes_06 @/jackhughes @.colecaufield i’m an amateur supporter of the rest of you <3

jamie.drysdale you two are bad influences on your son

yourusername YOU TAKE THAT BACK, DRYSDALE! HE CAME THIS WAY AND WE LOVE HIM!

trevorzegras we're trying our best!

leocarlssoon i take offense to this

yourusername SEE! YOU BROKE THE BABY! YOU BUMBLE FUCK BITCH!

jamie.drysdale @/yourusername okay okay i’m sorry! you're doing great! you'll be a great mom to your twins! i didn't mean it!

jackhughes @/yourusername does this mean i’m your favorite ex husband?

yourusername @/jackhughes no <3

user59 when sissy says chug, you chug!

frank_vatrano thanks, y/n/n! i love you, too! your new hat trick medals are definitely a plus

yourusername ya girl has a big brain!!

frank_vatrano she does😂

maxjones98 @/yourusername how much stuff for goodie bags and awards do you actually have on hand right now?

yourusername @/maxjones98 a lot! i have so much faith in my duckies! and my other boys!

trevorzegras @/maxjones89 her craft room has a bookshelf full of the stuff she includes with drawers labeled individually for all of us

frank_vatrano @/trevorzegras doesn't she also give bags to canucks, devils, and habs when we play them?

trevorzegras @/frank_vatrano it's a huge bookshelf

jamie.drysdale @/trevorzegras don't forget the stack of boxes to mail first goal trophies and personal record awards

trevorzegras @/frank_vatrano what he said

maxjones98 @/trevorzegras your girl is so amazingly sweet it's insane

yourusername @/maxjones98 JONESEY! YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY!

user40 the ducks?? on a win streak?? somebody made a deal with a god

_quinnhughes i think z should be at -1

yourusername 2 minute penalty for being a rude head. go sit in your bathtub.

trevorzegras you heard my baby mama! go!

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras @/yourusername STOP WITH THE BABY DADDY AND MAMA

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes NO

yourusername MAKE ME

_quinnhughes oh dear god

user6 sissy and z are gonna make quinn go grey at 24😭

leocarlssoon i love you too mom😂

yourusername you're swimming so well!! you're such a good duckling!!!

leocarlssoon i try

yourusername you're succeeding!

user61 z pulled a quinn after he scored fr

colecaufield @/trevorzegras THAT'S MY MAN!

trevorzegras PLAY INSANE IN THE BRAIN!

yourusername his goal song might be by vanilla ice, but my mans is not vanilla

colecaufield @/yourusername why? just why?

jackhughes MY EYES

lhughes_06 AHHHH

trevorzegras @/yourusername ;)

_quinnhughes @/yourusername MINORS! THERE COULD BE MINORS READING THIS!

jamie.drysdale this is why i moved

yourusername @/jamie.drysdale stfu no it's not

colecaufield @/jamie.drysdale you were a tough soldier

user75 sissy gives no fucks about a digital footprint oh my god

_alexturcotte our boy is giving the rockettes a run for their money

yourusername his true dream is to be a vegas show girl

_alexturcotte shame he had to settle for hockey

yourusername truly

trevorzegras @/yourusername you're my new dream

yourusername @/trevorzegras that's sweet but we were teasing you and you ruined it

_alextucotte @/trevorzegras MOMENT RUINER

trevorzegras i can't win

jackhughes @/trevorzegras about time! that's my boy!

trevorzegras got these flashing lights on me🚨

yourusername that... i think made sense... i might have cracked the hockey boy code with this one!

jackhughes @/yourusername big brain

trevorzegras @/yourusername that's my girl!

[moodywyrm]

Do you have hc for farmhand! Sevika that are nsfw… cause I’m a whore

only writing this because I feel so unbearably needy and sub and touch-starved I'm crying. we got the full length yoga pants, hoodie, blankets 1 and 2, and all four stuffies on deck. chubby reader as usual. @pinknightsinmymind I have another contribution baby <3

she's absolutely a pleasure/service dom, most of the time. I imagine she does like to be the sub (emi has convinced of Sub Sevika), but that takes a lot of working up to. remember, she comes to the farm pretty closed off after a terrible stint in the city. at the beginning of y'all's sexual relationship, which is her first relationship where she's really, truly cared about her partner, she just needs to be able to take care of you.

fucking insatiable when it comes to giving head. I'm talking making out with your cunt, absolutely fucking soaked and sloppy, there is slick in her hair at this point. the first time she went down on you she came untouched in her boxers. honestly didn't even know she could do that, but finally getting to taste you and have you completely at her mercy after a fucking Year of pining? yeah she didn't stand a fucking chance.

after that, takes literally any opportunity to eat you out. doesn't care if your sweaty from fieldwork, it drives her fucking crazy. also doesn't care if you're hairy, baby loves hairy pussy. I said it and I stand by it. first time she sees your pussy, she goes a little bit insane because god you've been hiding this from her? y'all wanted each other for so long and she could've been shoving her face in between your thighs for how long? she's gotta make up for lost time.

doesn't let up until you've cum at least – at the absolute minimum – three times. anything less is a damn shame. needs to have you shaking and fucked out before she even considers letting you go. same thing applies to any other sexual act.

speaking of other sexual acts. her strap. holy shit her fucking strap.

dark purple. 7 inches. girth as all hell. veiny. can be a breeding strap. attached to an expensive leather harness that Sevika takes such good care of. even got special leather cleaner for it. also must add. she didn't have this one before she got with you. specifically picked this one out with you on one of your semi-regular trips to the city, alongside a few other toys. this one's her favorite though <3 next to the black strap that also has a side that goes in her <3

when it comes to fucking you with her strap, she always has to prep you. extensively. im talking at least an hour with her mouth and fingers, getting you all ready and worked up to take her. does she know you could probably take it sooner than that? yes. does she love the ritual of getting you so unbearably worked up that you cry and scramble to hold onto her when she finally pushes in? abso-fucking-lutely.

loves literally any position to fuck you in, but has a soft spot for missionary and having you ride her. for different but similar reasons.

missionary because she loves how you look beneath her, dependent on her, how she knows she can take care of you in this position. plus being able to watch your tummy squish when she manhandles you into similar positions like a mating press is just so fucking good for her.

riding her, whether she be laying down or sitting up, because she adores seeing you use her for your pleasure. it took a second for you to feel entirely comfortable being more commanding during sex, so whenever you want to ride her, she's so incredibly proud and horny. there's just something about having you astride her, taking your pleasure with no shame, no reservations. it's fucking beautiful, and she thinks you look like a goddess every single time.

loves scissoring with you, btw. always with her on top bc that requires some strength and why does she have it if she ain't gonna use it to make her pretty girl feel good. honestly didn't really consider scissoring when she was in the city, contrary to popular belief. mainly relied on oral and strap. meeting you was a fucking Revelation.

I mean it. she almost came the Second she pressed her pussy against your sloppy, warm, wet cunt, clit still throbbing from your orgasm. she doesn't know if any sensation will ever compare. fucking loves feeling you cum right against her, leaking all over her.

as hot and dirty sex can be between you two, it's also incredibly fucking intimate. this goes back to you being the first partner Sevika ever really got with that she truly, 100% was in love with, down to her fucking bone marrow. she needs to let you know that she loves you more than anything, and sex helps her do that. there's so much hand-holding, eye contact, hushed 'I love you's, kisses pressed against necks, etc. etc. everything she does, she does for you, and she needs you to know that. will even light candles for you, fucking you And making love to you in a pink-tinted room. nothing but the best for the love of her life.

that being said. baby fucking loves to take you around the farm. doesn't care how exposed it is. behind the greenhouse? check. behind the farmhouse? check. on the porch of the farmhouse? triple check. on the grassy patch above the pond? quadruple check. she does not care where it is, she just need her woman at all times, however you'll let her have you.

sometime she'll intentionally show off while she's working the farm, knowing just how needy it gets you. can't even begin to count how many times you bringing her lemonade on a hot day turned into you on your knees, dressed rucked up enough to stuff a hand down your panties as you ate her out, her big strong hands gently holding you against her cunt.

also loves your pretty lil dresses, you only started wearing them more when y'all got married and Sevika insisted on taking over the bulk of the farm work. Lets you play the pretty lil housewife, even though you still insist on helping around the farm. Anyway the dresses: yeah she fuckign adores them. loves it when you wear the off the shoulder ones with no bra, bc then she can just yank and expose your gorgeous tits, ready and waiting for her mouth.

also just. housewife kink. I will not elaborate at this time but im 100% certain of it.

farmer sevika smut! I will warn y'all now and by warn I mean but my foot down: this au is gonna have a lot of fluff. there will be smut, sure, but im a fluff girl to my core. this is basically my stardew valley fantasy. I hope y'all will love the fluff just as much as the smut.

[bellysoupset]

so glad to hear you liked the request! i was a bit worried I was being annoying 😭

having a brainworms moment btw. so yknow how leo continued working out after college and jon hasn’t. and leo is buff as hell. thinkin about leo princess carrying jon. which is know would be difficult because jon is definitely not a small or light guy. HOWEVER 👆 . he has a strong giant for a bf. so technically. would it be feasible. for a leo carrying an exhausted jonah to bed from the couch moment 🤨🥺 ( like it definitely wouldn’t be graceful. or easy. leo is huffing and puffing about jonah’s ass being lazy and difficult to carry. and jonah is loving every minute of it even though he’ll Never admit it) i knowww jonah is also a huge guy. i still think he deserves to be carried around like a princess <3🍄

Jumping straight into action with this one, bc I tried writing the start like 20 times and gave up.

Leo super hungover

--------------------

"LEO PUT ME DOWN-" Jonah shrieked, when his boyfriend lifted him up bridal style and twirled them around, giggling manically, "LEO!"

"I AM A LAWYER!" Leo yelled in return, throwing Jonah up in his arms and then promptly falling on his back when Jonah fell back down in his arms.

They crumpled to a pile of limbs on the wet grass of the park outside their apartment building and Jonah let out a groan, rolling on his back and rubbing his sore side, "you're such a fucking asshole, that's what you are," he groaned, picking a leaf out of his hair.

Leo was still sprawled on the grass, chest heaving with laugh and laborious breath, a dizzy smile on, "Jon..." he panted, staring at the sky. It was just about the break of dawn, so the sky was a lilac-grey shade, with the stars about to fade, "Jon, I'm a lawyer."

"You've been a lawyer since September last year, baby," Jonah rolled his eyes with a smile, sitting up on the grass and scooting closer to Leo. The blonde shook his head, closing his eyes, still with a smile on.

"Now I'm a hired lawyer, a real one," his voice came out a little squeezy and Jonah draped himself over him, catching Leo's lips into a kiss.

"I am. So. Proud. Of. You," he punctuated each word with a kiss and Leo opened a blinding smile, wrapping an arm around his neck and then letting out a snort when Jonah completed, "but we should go inside before you become an arrested lawyer."

"Uhm, we're not even doing anything," Leo whined, but pulled back, opening his arms in a T position on the ground, "I can't get up, everything's twirling."

"You can, c'moon," Jon grabbed his arm, forcing him up, "let's go inside before Matthew calls the police on us for public indecency."

"Matthew would never," Leo pouted, but allowed Jonah to pull him out of the ground. There were a bunch of leaves stuck to the back of his shirt and his hair, "Ah- Uh," he grimaced as they entered the garage of the building, smartly avoiding the front door, "I feel weird."

"You're wasted," Jonah rolled his eyes, shoving him inside the elevator, "please don't puke in here."

Leo nodded, planting a hand to his stomach and making a little confused face, "it's all gurgly... Feels like I need to burp."

Jon squinted at him, "don't burp, it'll just make you puke," he said, knowing damn well it was never just burps with Leo, "just three more minutes, babe."

"Okay," Leo poked his belly, wrinkling his nose when that caused a whine to erupt from the organ and then he let his head rest on Jonah's shoulder, "I wanna get a tattoo."

"Now?" Jon chuckled, voice muffled by his boyfriend's hair, "right now?"

"As celebration," Leo mumbled, his mouth pressed to Jonah's sweater, "because I'm a real lawyer now..." he let out a sigh as the elevator came to a stop and Jon wrapped an arm around his back, guiding his drunk boyfriend towards their door.

It wasn't that he hadn't been drinking as well, after all they were celebrating Leo's promotion. However, he had drunk alongside their friends and switched to water when Leo showed no signs of slowing down. At least four hours before.

Jonah was opening the door, not bothering with the lights since it was practically morning already, when suddenly his feet left the floor. He let out a shout, then glared at Leo's pink, strained face, a smug smile on it.

"Put me down," Jonah rolled his eyes, grabbing on the doorway to stop them from going inside with one hand, the other resting on the blonde's shoulder, "Leo."

"You're like a prince..." Leo pressed his forehead to his and Jonah's cheeks turned red.

"Leo, I love you and this is very cute, but if you throw up on me I'm going to put you on the couch for the rest of the week," Jon snarked, leaning in to plant a kiss on his boyfriend's lips, "put me down."

"You're no fun," Leo grumbled, letting him go and then immediately folding in half, wrapping his arms around his stomach, "ugh, but maybe you're right... Feels like my tummy is burning."

"Probably the vodka that you chugged as if it was water," Jon rolled his eyes, keeping a hand in the middle of Leo's back and closing the door with the other. He kicked off his shoes, then squeezed his boyfriend's nape, "bathroom or bed?"

"Bed...?" Leo sounded sleepy and confused, "where's my cat?"

"Asleep," Jonah grabbed him by the shoulders, "c'mon, bedroom-"

It was a hassle to push Leo all the way to their suite, when he wanted to stop and comment on everything he saw along the way, his attention spam all but gone.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Jonah managed to push Leo against the pillows, without his shoes or his shirt on. He had given up on removing the blonde's pants, settling for just removing his belt and undoing his fly.

"Sleep now," Jon planted a glass of water and some Advil on the bedside table, as well as an empty bucket on the floor. Normally Leo wasn't a pukey drunk, but normally Leo didn't drink so much or arrive home so wasted.

"Jon," Leo sprawled on the bed, breathing deeply, "Jonah."

"What?" Jon yawned, closing the black out curtains of their room and falling into bed. He scooted up and smiled when Leo promptly rolled on the bed so he could face him, "what is it?"

"You're so handsome," Leo leaned in, resting his forehead to Jon's and not seeing as his boyfriend turned a whole shade deeper as he blushed, "and you have a real lawyer as a boyfriend."

Jon grinned, wrapping an arm around the blonde, "I already did, baby," he pushed a strand of hair away from the blonde's face, "get some sleep."

Leo yawned in agreement, snuggling up even more.

Jonah wasn't sure when exactly he fell asleep. He knew it took longer than it did for Leo, because the blonde was all but draped over him like a weighted blanket and Jon was still awake when he heard JD meow and get out from where she was hiding under their bed, sneaking out of the room to find a nice, warm sunny patch to sleep on.

What he did know was that he woke many hours later with his weighted blanket of a boyfriend moaning softly next to his ear. Thanks to the black out curtains the room was dark and Jonah felt more than saw Leo suddenly heave, it was hard not to, when the blonde’s stomach was pressed to his. 

“Leo!” Jonah grabbed his arm, more than a little clumsy due to sleep, “Leo!” 

He felt his boyfriend recoil at his exclamation, but then Leo moved on the bed just enough to hang his head over the side of it, whole body arching as he retched. Jon gagged himself, as he could feel every heave rocking Leo’s stomach, since the other man was still practically lying on top of him. 

“God, Leo, get off me-” Jonah groaned, gulping down nauseously, only to hear the distinct sound of liquid hitting wood. Jon froze, realizing Leo was leaning over the wrong side of the bed to throw up, the bucket was sitting on his right and his head was hanging over the left side, “bloody hell, Leo-”

“Jon,” Leo whimpered, coughing and curling up, his voice all strained, “Idon’t- Idont feel good…”

He sounded incredibly wounded and pathetic and Jonah fought the urge to strangle his boyfriend. If this was some sickness he’d be a lot more concerned than pissed, but this was just pure and simply a hangover from hell. 

“I know,” Jonah sighed, planting a hand on his back, “c’mon, let’s go to the bathroom, okay?” 

Leo didn’t move at all, except for hiccuping, still draped diagonally on the bed and then bringing up a little more puke, “uhrghhh…” he groaned, sounding dangerously close to tears, “my head is killing me.”

Jonah grimaced, his own stomach sloshing at the sound and smell of vomit right next to him, and he pushed Leo’s waist, managing to free himself from the blonde’s weight. Once he was standing, Jon stumbled and fell on his ass. It hadn’t occurred to him that he’d also be hungover. 

“Jon?” Leo whined and he rubbed a hand over his face, trying to get himself in check.

“I’m here,” he forced himself up and crawled on the bed, grabbing Leo’s naked shoulder, “help me, Leo.”

“I can’t,” the blonde groaned, “I can’t move- I-” he lurched and nearly fell forward and out of the bed, more liquid hitting the ground. Jonah squeezed his boyfriend’s shoulder, keeping him from taking a dive at the puddle of not-digested alcohol, and gulping down. He felt horrible and wasn’t sure how much was sympathy nausea, how much was just his own hangover. 

“Jon,” Leo whimpered, “hurts…” 

Jonah ground his teeth, grabbing the blonde’s arm, “Leo, I’m gonna move you to the bathroom, okay. Please just- Just don’t puke on me-” he forcefully pulled on his boyfriend, causing Leo to groan, his whole face scrunching up in pain. 

The blonde was boneless and incredibly heavy, causing Jonah to huff and puff as he draped one of his arms around his neck and hugged Leo’s waist, pushing them both up from the bed. 

“God…” Leo’s head lolled, meeting Jon’s shoulder and he gagged weakly, “itssslike everything’spinning…” 

“Uh-hum,” Jonah rolled his eyes, stumbling their way to the bathroom. He all but fell in the bathtub, hurrying as he heard Leo let out a watery burp just as they entered the room, “Leo, c’mon-”

“I’mso’Ory,” the blonde hiccuped, falling in front of the toilet and barely retching before more puke rushed up. Jonah planted a hand in the middle of his back to keep Leo from causing a mess, since he was swaying like crazy, then he leaned himself over the bathtub and tried to force his stomach to calm down. 

He felt Leo gag once again, his back arching, and Jon let out a frustrated groan of his own. He wanted to crawl back into bed, not to deal with this… 

“I’m really sorry, I- Fuck,” Leo rasped, seeming completely out of it, “Jon…” 

Clearly he wanted comfort and reassurance and Jonah couldn’t help it. Even pissed as he was, he didn’t want to make Leo feel worse. 

“It’s okay-” he sighed, turning around and muffling a sick burp against his fist, “baby, it’s okay, just get it up. You’ll feel better.”

“Made a mess…” Leo groaned, resting his cheek to the toilet seat and causing Jonah to grimace, “I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay,” Jon carded his fingers through the man’s sweaty hair, “it’s fine. I’ll figure it out,” he probably wouldn’t, but their building had cleaning services and Jonah figured Leo was out of it enough he wouldn’t notice or bitch about it. 

He sat next to his boyfriend for another fifteen minutes, trying to get his strength back up to deal with the room and feeling his anger melt into worry as Leo continued to puke nonstop. 

“You’re gonna be okay for a while? I’m gonna go deal with the room and the rest,” Jonah pushed himself up, his ass was hurting from falling on the ground and then sitting on it for twenty mins. 

“Uhmmmm…” Leo answered, his whole face scrunched up in pain, still draped over the toilet. 

Jon took this as a yes and walked out of the bathroom. 

Their bedroom was a disaster and the quick glimpse of it Jon caught was enough to have him hurrying back to the bathroom in order to retch loudly in the sink. Everything he had valiantly been able to push down made its way up and Jonah went deaf for a second as his belly squeezed and sent up a horrible acidic rush of vomit. 

He let out a whimper, panting over the bowl and then startled as he felt something touch his calf, only to realize it was his zombie boyfriend trying to comfort him. Jonah felt a squeeze to his stomach, now having nothing to do with nausea and everything to do with guilt, “I’m fine,” he rasped out, noticing Leo’s pasty complexion and making a mental note to force him to have water, “I’m okay, don’t worry.”

“I’m really sorry…” Leo breathed out and Jonah let out a sigh, washing his face. 

“It’s fine, just focus on getting better.”

Dealing with the bedroom took longer than he wanted to and Jonah did end up calling the building’s janitor, because despite trying, his stomach simply wouldn’t let him clean it. He then took to the guest bathroom, in order to shower and look presentable, and finally returned to the suite’s main bathroom, this time carrying a bottle of gatorade and everything he thought could help.

Leo had fallen next to the toilet and for a horrible second Jon thought he was passed out, only to realize the blonde had just curled up there. 

“Ah Leo,” he sighed, crouching down, “the ground is freezing, baby.” 

“Uhrgh…” Leo groaned, “at least down here it’s not spinning.”

“Okay,” Jon rolled his eyes, grabbing the gatorade bottle, “I want you to drink something.”

“Nu-uh,” Leo shook his head the slightest bit, “not gonna stay down.”

“It doesn’t matter, you still have to drink,” Jonah forced the blonde to sit up and gently cupped his boyfriend’s head, not liking one bit how clammy he felt or how he could feel his quick heartbeat, “a couple sips.”

“I feel like death,” Leo groaned, taking one small sip and swallowing it- Only to immediately gag and turn to the bathtub. It wasn’t even vomit, just spit up blue drink and Jonah sighed.

“Babe, you didn’t even drink,” he pulled Leo to lie against him, “let’s go again.”

Half a bottle wasted down the drain later and Jon was feeling more than a little fried from stress. Leo had long wrung himself empty and he was currently sprawled on the bathroom floor, with his head resting on Jonah’s lap and napping. 

At least when he was asleep he wasn’t puking or sobbing from the headache, Jonah thought bitterly, running his fingers through Leo’s hair and causing the other man to stir slightly.

“Jon?” he whispered, voice muffled by his boyfriend’s thigh. Leo forced his eyes open when he didn’t get an answer and glanced up. Jonah seemed to be far away, he was still awake, but clearly zoning out as he petted Leo’s hair. 

“Jon, hey,” Leo touched his wrist lightly, causing the other man to jerk as he snapped into the present, “you okay?” 

“Yeah,” Jonah nodded, “are you? Are you gonna be sick again?” 

“No,” Leo grimaced, he probably was gonna get sick again soon, “just dizzy and have a killer headache now… Can we move to bed?”

“Of course,” Jonah wrapped his arms around Leo, hoisting him up and letting out a sigh when the change of positions caused the blonde to lean over the sink and dry heave. 

“Sorry- Sorry,” Leo groaned between burps, “I thought I felt better-”

“It’s okay,” Jon pressed a kiss to his shoulder, rubbing his back, “take a deep breath.”

They entered the now clean bedroom and Leo collapsed against the pillows. Jonah planted a bottle on his bedside table and gestured to the bucket, “let’s try this again,” he said humorously, opening the door so JD could dart in and jump on the bed, promptly going for Leo. He rolled his eyes fondly at the scene and walked to the mattress, falling on his back, with his legs dangling out. 

He let out a deep breath, hearing as JD purred and Leo cooed over her for a little bit. His eyes felt heavy and Jonah yawned, only to hear Leo say quietly, “are you mad?”

Jon rolled on his side, planting his forehead to his boyfriend’s thigh and petting JD with his free hand, “I’m furious.”

“Aw,” Leo pouted and Jonah muffled a scoff against his leg. 

“You’re never drinking again like this,” he said darkly and felt Leo breathe out deeply.

“Deal, yeah.”

[layla4567]

Spoilers Loki s2 e5

I have a lot to say!!! (this will be long)

Ok first of all this scene made me laugh a lot because of how randomly they presented the original timeline of Mobius, he looks like a child playing (oh and him being a single dad it makes a lot of sense to me)

expectation:

reality:

Oh my f*cking god If I liked O.B before, now I love him with all my soul! He is not only a nerdy genius but a science fiction geek whose passion is to be a writer!!! And why didn't they let him keep his books in the bookstore?! I would gladly buy them!! Just look at his face, he needs a hug :(

AND WHY THE FUCK DID THEY NOT HELP HIM WHEN THE BOOKS DROPPED ON HIM?! IT COSTS NOTHING TO BE KIND DAMN IT

Ok, I think we've all realized that O.B's workshop is the same as the basement where he works at the TVA, maybe he was the one who created the TVA after all? btw how beautiful the photography is in this entire series.

I admit it, I laughed my ass off at this scene, I apologize (make it a meme pls lol) Honestly, this whole scene and the interactions that O.B had with Loki made me laugh (when Loki tries to control his timeslipping or when O.B electrocutes him as scientific proof)

This scene where Loki adjusts his hair and his jacket to see Mobius 👀 (he only does it with him) I wonder what the Sylki fans have to say

Remember how I said I hated Hunter X5/Brad Wolfe? Well I was wrong, there is one person I hate more, her. Girl, they're literally telling you that everything is going to shit and you don't give a damn? On top of that, when they tell you that you are selfish, do you take it naturally as if it were something to be proud of? Why are you like this? The worst thing of all is that when Loki says he wants his friends back she calls him selfish, not sweetheart, that's not being selfish. Being selfish is turning a blind eye to a problem that you mainly caused. Loki's fear of being alone is understandable and justified since he felt that way all his life and has done all the things he did for that same reason, which It's being really selfish, it's the opposite, wanting to be alone and forget your friends and not care that their timelines are falling apart. Sylvie you are a hypocrite (sorry I had to vent)

AAAAAAAAAA I'M GOING TO CRY GOD. I said it and I will always say it Loki needs a hug 😭 This scene is super moving because it shows us Loki's true purpose, he just wants his friends back, who are also people he hasn't known for a long time but who were attentive to him (btw Tom Hiddleston always shines in all his scenes )

This scene...holy shit this scene was scary. I think it's even more terrifying than Thanos' snap.

It's overwhelming how everything around her disappears in seconds leaving her in literal emptiness. There is absolutely nothing left, only threads floating in an enveloping blackness. When I saw that scene I felt empty and desolate.

OH SHIT HERE WE GO AGAIN...

NOOOOOOO MOBIUS NOT YOU (He just wanted to save his children 😭)

Loki's face when he sees his friend disappear D: (I'm having deja vu from the first season when Mobius was pruned)

Sylvie too?! Why does she disappear and Loki doesn't? (By the way, you just arrived Sylvie when you realize that everything is disappearing? really?)

Ok this is a nightmare for Loki, he was left alone and couldn't do anything to avoid all that, I think it's the most hopeless scene of the episode :( (And the way he tries to grab those threads…I'm broken)

OK HEAR ME OUT BECAUSE I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS SCENE. I think the background voices help a lot with the feeling of anguish and helplessness that Loki feels, for not being able to save what he loved most, his friends. And when you feel overwhelmed by all those voices and at the end one stands out and it's Sylvie's voice saying something like what makes a Loki a Loki is the fact that we are destined to lose? That's when he screams in despair and goes back in time just a few seconds earlier and manages to control his timeslipping. And I must say that at first when I saw this scene it reminded me a lot of the scene from the movie "Ella Enchanted" when she is forced to kill the prince and she is surrounded by mirrors and begins to remember moments of her life such as when her mother told him to trust her or something like that (I don't remember the scene much, I saw it years ago lol) the point is that she refuses with all her heart to obey that order and in a moment of desperation she screams just like Loki and she says that she will no longer be obedient and drops the dagger, freeing herself from the spell. I don't know if you understand my point because I'm bad at explaining, but I think that the love he feels for his friends was what made him go back in time, that strong desire to want to make things right and that determination to say "this isn't true." It can end like this, I decide what is going to happen" (free will) I think that is what makes him finally able to control the situation, love is the most powerful force. Something similar happens in the movie "Tomorrowland" I think.

This scene is really powerful, the background music, the phrases that Loki says, the context of the scene, it is cinema. I think you don't need an action scene or scenes for a scene to be epic and move you. This is epic with so little, it is simple but effective. And the music is really the icing on the cake, it is so hopeful and gives strength to the moment when Loki returns to the TVA being able to fulfill his mission, I cried. Loki has evolved into a hero who saves the day and everyone.

And that ending??! Oh no the cliffhanger again..

Phew I know this was very long but I really needed this kind of catharsis, never has a Loki episode left me with so many emotions and beautiful things like this one. I laughed, I got excited, I cried and I was scared. I am very happy with the evolution of Loki and each episode that passes wins my heart more, I can't wait to see the next chapter. Everything is perfect in this series, the music, the settings, the actors, etc. It shows that it is made with the heart

[meraki-yao]

Hi Meraki.

I wish people would stop annoying you and dumping their anxiety/sadness/anger on you.

Afterall you're just a fan like the rest of us and you don't have all the answers. It's amazing that you like to help people btw. Love that about you ( I personally feel comforted reading your thoughts on TayNick and sequel but I know it must be hard having people ask u anxiously if you think a sequel is on the horizon).

Now to change the mood, recommend your favorite firstprince fics if u have any! I think we should all start a club and read fics together and discuss them.

P.N: is it okay to message you privately and become friends?

Hi! Oh my God this is such a lovely message. Thank you so much for this.

Thank you for looking out for me! But honestly, I'm... kind of used to helping out with other's issues? I do it a lot and fill in this role often in real life. And truthfully as much as I definitely need to learn to set limits and pace myself, I don't mind. I like helping out others, and in turn, I kind of feel valued and worth a damn in a way that I'm not in the main things (namely, current academics) of my life. But I do think people tend to forgot that I'm at the end of the day, a college student with a lot of issues and a lot of passions, and one of the youngest active members of the community who is still technically has four more months of being a teenager. Not necessarily a bad thing, I don't mind, but I do sometimes go "Me? But I'm just a kid! Why would they come to me?" But either way, I'm glad that this is something you like about me, it means a lot to know that 💕

Now Fics! Yes! Oh, I should make a list someday when I'm less busy, but for now, here's my favourite three RWRB writers:

SatinBird

congee4lunch

aliwrites07

And my current favourite fic is the killing kind , it's so fucking amazing. The writing, the pacing, the timeline, it's all so heart-renching that I teared up on the MTR (our subway) while reading it. And the writing style of the fic is the style I'm trying achieve. It's so good, I can't praise it enough.

But also! My friend @o0anapher0o 's fic Taylor Nick crossover fic New Information based on what started out as a half asleep delusional brainrot that I had that decided to stay in my thoughts. It's really humbling to have someone turn a small idea I thought of into something bigger and something so cool, and the story Anna writes is just so entertaining.

Also shamelss plug but I have 5 firstprince fics and I'm really proud of The Word of Your Body, which is also the first smut fic I've ever written

And yeah! Please do feel free to message me privately! One of the best things I've gotten since being part of the community is getting more friends, and honestly, I'm the most comfortable in one-to-one conversations. So if you wanna talk to me and be friends, by all means! ❣️

Thank you again for this ask my dear!

[r4mmsarah]

Dear Richard..

I have no fucking idea if you’ll ever read this but yk, you never know.

First of all:

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. I wish I could tell you, in how many ways you literally saved my life. You are my BIG inspiration in life, in playing guitar and many other things. Everyone needs a person to be their “idol” or a person who we are inspired by, and I’m glad and proud I can tell in my life that the person is YOU. Because damn. Unfortunately I can’t feel what have you been through but, been trough something familiar (long story) and EVERTIME. I felt like I want to give up, I look after you and realized how far you’ve come and that motives me. When I feel like in no point of my life, I look at you, listen Emigrate, Rammstein and just think, it can be always worse but what’s matter, the important one: it will be always better. I just remember the lyrics from the song “Babe” (my favorite song btw) - “Whatever you do, we will laugh again I'm like you, a fool again. Whenever I fell, I got up again. Find your way and lose again.Wherever you are you can choose again.Your heart will break, and heal again.And one day will come when you believe again” And that motives me even more. I’m so glad for your amazing work, because I can relate and it just feels different, differently amazing. I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much I look after you and how much i appreciate you and your work. Because it really motivates me when I see you standing on the stage, preforming infront of THOUSANDS people after you worked up your ass here. And I wish it to you so much because you deserve it<3

Your smile is like a light in a dark tunnel for me, it’s full of energy and love. Your preforming on stage is amazing. It’s the energy I get from you and we give it back and I absolutely love that. You are really the reason why I started playing on electric guitar. And I feel like I should thank you for that,because I found another safe place, where I can be safe, in my own world, just me and my guitar.

Also I found really AMAZING friends from your fandom (and Rammstein of course) which I believe that Rammstein fandom is full of amazing and talented people.

Anyways, after all.. It’s you and your amazing work and your songs when I come home after a bad day and just listen the music that motives me so much. It’s your music that is standing by my side when nobody else does. I’m really proud of you.

I’m really glad that I’ve heard from you since my childhood. Glad to be in this fandom (actually really proud) , thank you for everything because you are the first thing in this world that motives me.

With all love

~S

📌credit for the pictures to the right owner!

[moonspirit]

Hi Moon🌙

For ask game for fanfic writers :3

2, 7, 17,29, 30, 64 and 98 (yes, this one on purpose for make you praise yourself and be kinder to yourself 🫶)

Hello Anna T_T This took way too long, I'm so sorry.

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

I answered this one over here :3

7. tell us about the plot of the first fanfic you ever wrote

The first ever fanfic? Oh god, that's more than a decade and a half ago... but okay xD Basically Kei and Hikari (the main couple from S.A) take a trip on a cable car during a winter getaway, and as you can expect, the car stops right in the fucking middle. What happens next? A lot of sexual tension, that's what. I was like... 13 or 14 when I wrote this xD It was titled 'Love in the Ice' btw, lol.

17. what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

Oof, this is hard #_# There's got to be many, though my head is blank now... but... okay. I guess this one from Ch.16 of VBEOW:

He bid her goodbye, once again, and that time had been the most painful of all, because now he knew, there could've been something between them, something called love, and it couldn't be, only because she was supposed to be just Annie, and he wanted that for her more than love.

29. give us a spoiler for one of your stories.

XD Wah, really? A spoiler? Uhhhhhh okay, so there will be a chapter in VBEOW titled "Once a Fighter, Always a Fighter" and personally, I'm very excited for it (though it's a long way away for now). Very vague, I know, but it's a spoiler xD

30. most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

Hm... from a fic? Or just in general? Okay, I guess I'll go with Carl Sagan's dedication to his wife in his book 'Cosmos'. It goes like this: "In the vastness of space and the immensity of time, it is my joy to share a planet and an epoch with Annie."

I think about it often, because in our very brief time of conscious life on this (rare) planet, it is certainly such a wonderful thing that we live alongside other wonderful people who touch our hearts and change us forever.

64. what is your favourite title for a fic you’ve read?

Ooohh. I think it's got to be "Breathturn" by ladywongs, who wrote it for the touken fandom. I can't find her/their fics up anywhere anymore, but since I have a downloaded copy of it, I often go and re-read it. It was an angsty-smutty piece, which captured the quality of the title very well, imo.

98. what don’t you like about your writing style?

:< Oh no. Everything, sometimes. Other times, I don't like how it seems very much like violet prose... or maybe that's just me because I'm too critical of my skills and hate everything I do haha xD Anyway. Someday, I'll be proud. That's good enough.

Thank you anna T^T You're always too damned sweet :<

[imnotoverlyobsessive]

In Your Dreams

Moodboard by the incredible @softhecreator

Info, Author’s Note, etc

AO3 info one two three four five six seven epilogue

All my work is 18+.

Special thanks to @darksideofthecocoamoon for letting me use Tim’s dick in her wonderful demon Tim au as inspo for my own fic. If anyone has not yet read that one, please do so with all haste because it’s fuckin incredible and you are genuinely missing out if you haven’t read it yet. Be sure to reblog, too, so others can enjoy it and she can get the recognition she deserves!

Onto the fic!

Summary

Lea knows that her best friend, Tim, is an Otherworlder. She isn't sure of what kind, but it doesn't really matter all that much in the grand scheme of things, anyway. No matter what manner of fae he is, she's damned and determined to not get involved with him or anyone else.

Except Tim isn't a fae like so many celebrities like him. He's an incubus, she's his mate, and oh yeah— he’ll die without her.

Author’s Note

I know things get rough, but I promise you, it'll have a happy ending. Tim goes through it, but everything will be okay in the end, trust me.

Be forewarned: this contains a great deal of angst relating to potential (and almost) death. No one actually dies, but it will probably make you cry. If you are not in a space for angst, proceed with caution.

Yes, yes, I'm back at it again. The fic is gonna end up being about 25-30k, I think. It is almost completely done. So! Bit about this one. Tim is an incubus, obviously. In this universe, everyone is aware of supernatural creatures. The fact that Tim is one is something of a poorly kept secret; it's obvious, but he doesn't really talk about it, so they don't have any confirmation. No one has any idea what he is; they assume fae, like so many celebrities are. How incubi work in the fic will be explained, of course.

This fic will have elements of fuck or die, mentions (but not descriptions) of domestic violence, and a May-December romance, which means, in this case, Tim is significantly older than Lea! He doesn't know exactly how old he is, and I'll tell people if they wanna know (I have an exact number, of course), but otherwise I'll leave it up to you guys to internet. He himself has a general idea but that’s it. This takes place in 2023, btw, which means Lea was born in 2003 this time around.

About This Universe

Incubi/Succubi

They are immortal and have been around since the beginning of time, basically. No one knows exactly how long. The oldest of them, the first few, are simply too old to remember how old they are, or how they came to be. My guess it’s simply an evolutionary thing; maybe they simply evolved from early homosapiens in a different way than humans did. It’s hard to say, and I haven’t decided on anything in particular. A rarer type of Otherworlder because of their unique reproduction methods.

Fae

They are very alluring. Many (if not most) popular celebrities are fae. No pointed ears; other than their charisma, beauty, and immortality, you can’t really tell who is one and who’s not. They are persuasive, proud, and can be dangerous. Probably the most common type of Otherworlder. Not super relevant to the fic.

Vampires and Werewolves

Pretty standard vampire lore; they don’t tend to be very popular, so most are not celebrities. You can tell who is one very easily. They are bloodthirsty and can be dangerous. Not super relevant to the fic.

Sirens

Mostly live near the ocean. If they’re famous, it’s usually for singing. They do have a mermaid form. Not immortal, just have a longer lifespan. Not super relevant to the fic.

Selkies

The same as sirens, for the most part, except they shift completely into a seal. Not super relevant to the fic.

Mates of Otherworlders

Otherworlders that were born into it have a destined mate. If they were turned (such as vampires or werewolves), they do not always have one, only sometimes. Their mates are always perfect for them, so a guy isn’t gonna get paired with a lesbian, and a gay guy would, of course, get paired with another guy. Aromantic Otherworlders have platonic mates. Asexual Otherworlders have romantic mates but don’t experience sexual attraction to them. Most mates have a symbol for fertility on their bodies; often from the culture that first discovered them. For example, the mates of incubi and succubi have an eight pointed star on their hip, which is a symbol of the Mesopotamian goddess of fertility and sex (and beauty, divine law, war, and political power; she’s similar to Aphrodite), Innana. Incubi and vampires are the only species of Otherworlder that die without their mate, because they both require them in order to feed, once they’ve met them.

Playlist

I'm including a playlist for this one, because there are so many songs I listened to for this fic and some of them literally made me cry, so. I'll let you decide which song is from whose POV, but yeah. Here are the songs in the order of what happens in the fic. And yes, I know this is mostly Halsey and the rest is me showing my age. Shut up, it's fine. Enjoy. Please note that the most important song for the fic as a whole is this one. I highly recommend reading the lyrics even if you don’t listen to the whole thing.

Tag list

@ellamaianderson @shika1200 @blackqueenstarseed1 @gatoenlaciudad @esmaada @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @softhecreator @timolaurence @timmymyluv @oddlyenoughiamweird @leecrunchybones @s-we-e-t-t-ea @almostg @vampire-reanimator @leespparker @bubblebuttwade @glizzymcguirex @starberry-cake

[kart0]

Venting about me being stupid tw ed and suicide thoughts

...hey

I feel like I should start this by saying I've been actually pretty well lately ! I am drawing again, I lost weight which was something I really wanted, I think I made new friends, and I've been growing a lot on social media - I love the attention btw

So what do I have to complain now ? Dani doesn't this get tiring ? Uhhh yes but it's my blog so FUCK YOU

Anyways, it's exam season and there's a lot of things to do. And I have to mention I am illiterate I do not read nor am good at writing. I guess it has to do with my anxiety, I have a lot of thoughts. A LOT. That keep playing 24/7, so it's kinda hard to write something coherent.

So, I have this class, ceramic class, and I am terrible at it. Like. Super bad. Everything I do looks so bad it's literally disgusting to look at. Ok so we had this essay to do and I did, proudly, and I finish it on time which made me so happy. And I thought I did pretty well in fact !

Hm. Thought. We got our grade today and I got such a bad grade. Like. Not even half of the grade. And now I can't stop crying and feeling so stupid specially because ! Basically everyone in my class uses Chatgpt and gets away with it. And I swore, on my life, that I would never, NEVER, use AI to do my work. To do nothing, really. I have an ego the size of the universe, and I am extremely proud. It's my dignity on risk. What would my parents think of me ? What would I think of myself ???? I would never do that. Instead I keep writing everything on my own, with references of course. I used to think I'd rather get a low grade instead of using chat fucking gpt.

Well, now that I actually got a low grade I am really really upset, and regretful. Why did I have to be so proud and stupidly arrogant with my abilities. I know I FUCKING KNOW I can't write for shit. I keep thinking about how I should've used AI.

And I feel so shitty I skipped dinner tonight. Because I feel like I should starve and die. I do not deserve food. All I have to feel right now is fucking pain, and be miserable. Because I am failing this class. And I know, rationally speaking, this is super dumb. It's just a class and it's just one essay y'know. And I need to eat. Cuz honestly I'm pretty hungry.

But I keep thinking about what I did, and how I could've done so much better. I feel like such a fool.

Such a fucking fool.

And now my thoughts are spiraling, how I should either dropout of college (again btw) or kill myself ! Damn bro. Chill for a second.

And I have been eating less. Too less in fact. That's how I've been able to lose weight. So eating even less each time feels like a sickly accomplishment somehow. And I keep weighing myself everyday, morning and night. Sometimes 10 times a day. And all I want is for the number to get lower. It's so sick I should stop but I don't know how. And I feel so embarrassed and ashamed, I haven't told anyone about this.

I need to lose more weight, I NEED to lose more weight. Keeps on replay, and I work even harder to not eat. It's a game of being unworthy of basic human needs. I am starving myself to death. I know that.

And now I am punishing myself by not eating anything at all because of a fucking essay. Why do I keep doing this. What am I even trying to achieve with this. I keep feeling sick and nauseated and it's so bad and I keep taking pills for headaches and I just feel so... stupid

But I need to see me getting skinnier. I feel proud. And there was a time when this happened before too, when I was 18-19. I was so skinny back then and I did not eat.

And now it's happening again and I can't remember how I stopped the first time.

I don't want to feel sick all the time. I don't want to keep looking at the scale. I don't want to think I have to deserve food.

I don't want to die.

But I want this to be over. So much. And I know it's not the end of the fucking world but why, why does it feel like this all the time. Why can't I be normal, and have normal thoughts, and behave normally, and just be fucking ok for once.

I was doing so well... How did I end up like this again.

When will this ever stop ?

[temporarymoods]

mwah

scatch what i said on that last post. idk her. im CHILLINGGGGG!!!

MarMon today: yes I celebrated. you gotta. duh. Patriot's Day-- a Mass thing!? Hilarious.

We went to the race and yelled and screamed and cheered on at various points. Walked a bunch. Got sunburnt in that shallow way, but my nose is pink. It was pretty emotional! So proud of everyone. Kept thinking that this is kind of one of the best things humanity can do. Anyway-- B)

Got sambas, lmfao?! Trying to look like a boy. Followed by some really good pasta. and then trying to look like a girl. i went to a frat! for the first time! i got champagne on my sambas. christened. the person who clocked me as queer at the party said "christened" after i had minutes prior. yeah. a good thing

- - i know the gender thing of it is ridiculous but for some reason my soft complicated body craves that sexual weirdness between men and women and particularly these young men and women in that..disgusting atmosphere. a disgusting atmosphere. really hungry for that generalization.. it's true. im really attracted to men

other than that^ being tough,

i went DANCINGGG!!!!!1!1!11!!11!!

and I LOVED IT SO MUCH!!!!111!1

What a GREAT night!!! i can't put into words how amazing i feel even though that is why i came here...shucks. has the moment past? did i spend too much time on the queue?

My foot is sore as I type this. I came home so inspired and read up on country swing vs other kinds (I knew jazz swing was the thing, and swing dancin aint line dancin !) then i listened to a lot of good music:

Slow Dancing - Aly & AJ * total classic for me lmao. damn they have the best spotify top 5

Let's Get Married - Bill Elliot Swing Orchestra * when i didn't yet understand that i had to look up **country** swing music. now i know ;) god i cant wait to go again

-- what is it?! i think its that i really love to dance, to move my body, to try and get it right, to improve? to be good? to have fun in a choreographed way. to conform. the do the correct thing. idk

here's what i think its really about: i think i like smootheness. and i like the click of a phenomenon you can't pull a word for. and short counts. and intention. and shape. mostly shape. beat, sure, too. i like beat. i like rising to it, and not tiring. i dont know how i get so obsessed. i need to go back. that was exactly what ive been looking for for months, and what i thought i found but only got in part in the club, which i go to for the dancing, the loud music, the blindingness. but i dont contribute there. my ears are filled but the sound can only vibrate me a little. im not, swung, literally. and i cant provide energy to the space like you can witcha boots awn. so yeah, i think thats really it. dancing. i fucking love dancing. ive always fucking loved dancing. for real! really! i never got that good, yeah. but i fucking loved it thats for sure. i always wanted someone to actually teach me shit. they didnt do that enough in theatre. maybe they did. maybe i just wasnt that talented. not now though. dead. fucking. ass. just input my entire work calendar that i have access to because this shits getting real my life is mine and theres fan fucking tastic things to be doing with it.

alright...i could continue...i'll pick up the rest in my dairy ;* not gonna get too personal, phew. uhm. eh hem.

That Don't Impress Me Much - Shania Twain

Tequila - Dan + Shay

End of Beginning - Djo * lmao i got on this because i saw some interview w him online as im jamminggugghh i got sucked in. then all this happened:

Change - Djo * so much better than the one blowin up btw

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) - Eurythmics, etc * i looked up more songs like Change :| hahaha. then all this happened:

Lifetime - Yves Tumor

Pop Song - Perfume Genius

Here Comes the Rain Again - Eurythmics, etc

Here Comes Your Man - Pixies

Eye in the Wall - Perfume Genius

Boys - Amen Dunes * at this point my original mission is fucked. the intention's gone. i'm so far from where i started: country lovin

at the same time the joint i rolled before we went out and shared on the way home is getting its way through my system for sure. its approaching 2am, woah! full day tomorrow but not nearly as inspired at this one. this one's literally how you're supposed to live . well maybe beer not getting stolen at the bar mmmm. mhm. yeah i'll tack that on as well.

i didnt, dont, want to let go of tonight skrrreorgihveouhv!!!! uuuummm! yeah i should keep thinking about it. : ) : ) hehehehehe

Man! I Feel Like a Woman! - Shania Twain

<3 , so much ;)

Kate

[toournextadventure]

hey not to rant but i read your advice and i’m lowkey losing my mind because of it (positive) and i think context would be nice for what im gonna say in the end. also i ramble so it might be on the longer aside anyway. i did the speech and i actually thought i did pretty well since it’s only my third speech and i saw a lot of improvement BUT (and i’m so irked) some kid blurted out that i had gone way under the time limit and delivered it in a way that seemed so awful so that sort of planted the seed that made me feel like my life was falling apart even tho i know it’s silly (i’m not entirely sure by how much because i felt sort of humiliated and scared to ask lol) but it was like damn ! (and rude too? to me at least. im a little more old fashioned i guess? idk what the term would be but sometimes i’m so bothered by some peoples lack of respect? tact? SOMETHING LIKE THAT!! i just think ppl are kind of childish, not the point btw sorry) i knew i wasn’t perfect but i felt good about myself and it sucked cause i think if i had found out on my own it would have been okay but since he sort of put me on the spot it sucked :/ i could feel the pity oozing off of everyone which was like rubbing salt in the wound. and i’ve been telling myself that it’s okay, it’s a beginner class and i’m there to improve but i couldn’t stop mulling over it but i saw you responded and when i read “you’re better than a speech” i just felt so much better like i could burst into tears. i just melted and it was like i could finally breathe a bit better without feeling that heaviness? (okay maybe i’m a tad dramatic but that’s what i felt!) i’m still a bit bummed but hearing that reassurance healed me a bit so thank you !

My dude! First, congratulations!!! You did it and I'm so proud of you!!! 🥳🥳🥳 Second? Fuck that dude, because that was BEYOND unnecessary. I'm very much the kind of person that encourages CONSTRUCTIVE AND PRODUCTIVE criticism, but that dude had NONE of that. Be proud of yourself! It still sucks to hear other people say that shit, but you still did your speech! And no matter what, it's always way better than what you believe it was!

Kids are mean. Young adults are mean. But if you were proud of your speech, and you were proud of what you did, then that's the important part. Sometimes people are just plain rude, but that doesn't diminish your success and your achievements. Be proud of yourself, because I promise other people are too 🫶

[robertsbarbie]

class rant that’s so long and convoluted it’s honestly dumb

so if you've been following my rants about this group project I'm in you'll know I have been frustrated for a while. and it had gotten to a point where it was just too dumb to keep being upset about and I had kinda just accepted it, knowing that I was gonna put my best foot forward no matter what. I was even super proud of my progress on this project and thought I had solved this one design thing in such a clever way. today we were giving draft presentations so that we could make any changes and one of my group members RIGHT before we present magically decides we should shorten our name. now keep in mind this ENTIRE time I have been advocating for shortening the name (I have multiple witnesses and proof backing this up btw) and the entire time it has been dismissed (I am not kidding when I say almost every single one of my ideas has been dismissed and almost every single one of them were then either miraculously brought up again as one of my group member's ideas or praised by my professor which then subsequently led to one of my group mates taking credit literally so fucking dumb). and because genuinely I believe in groups, the importance of learning from them, and I knew that I had done everything I could on my part and wanted to avoid confrontation I supported this member in "their" brilliant idea, thinking we would explain possible different directions towards the end. the presentation starts and this person IMMEDIATELY threw out that we were changing our name so "nothing we have here matters" then proceeded to not have really anything, couldn't explain their shit, then pan to my other group member (who has I shit you not been copying off of me the whole time) same thing didn't;t have everything and couldn't really explain anything, then I go and my section goes okay but then person 1 swoops back in trying to explain MY section and then skipping over my opportunity for critique and goes back to hers and then just keeps acting like we all have shit and any good idea was hers, including taking credit for the layout of the slides which I literally laid out a week ago DURING the Super Bowl :/ and again this is stupid but it was just so frustrating that none of my ideas were good until they were and that I have been constantly pushed aside and talked over and its so embarrassing that nearly everyone in the class knew! everyone knew! everyone knew it was bullshit and I just had to sit there because I'll be damned if I'm not a team player but it genuinely sucked so bad especially when I had had a good day up to then.

[mlmxreader]

The Protector | Frank Castle x trans!m!reader

Anonymous asked: ok so i’m gonna request a fic - feel free to get around to it whenever, ik you’ve just gotten a new job (congrats on that btw!!) so literally do this whenever. and def dont start it now because it’s very early in the morning and we all need our sleep.

can i request a frank castle x trans male reader fic that goes w the prompt “you’re mine, no one else is allowed to fucking touch you”? frank sorta shows up at his house at the ass crack of dawn, and he lets the reader tends to his wounds (ofc frank can do that for himself, but a) he’s missing being taken care of if ygwim and b) he wants to check if the reader is safe and ok but has no idea how to do it). could you keep it sfw please tho? like idm swearing ofc but yk what i mean. thank u!!<3

-⭐️

summary: Frank shows up unannounced and hurt at a ridiculous time, but he's lucky that you're willing to put up with that.

tws: injury and wounding, swearing

Oh, Frank was buggered as he hung onto the doorframe and waited for you to answer, doubting that you would; it was hardly dawn yet, the sun only just starting to get up onto its throne, and the chilly wind that whispered so softly made him growl and hang his head, agitated wounds never did like the cold. But then he perked up a little, knowing the song so damn well and fucking grinning when he heard it as the door opened.

'Treat Me Like the Dog I Am', Mötley Crüe. You said nothing as you dragged Frank's sorry ass inside and made him sit down at your kitchen table; he didn't want to talk, not really, but Billy Russo had told him that you were next. He didn't want to go anywhere else even though he had plenty of friends who were qualified for this sort of thing; he didn't like the thought of you being safe. Not when you had come so far in your transition that he was floored by how proud of you he felt. Not when you had always been the most handsome man in his life. Not when you were the only one who could make him blush and grin with little more than a smile; he hadn't done that in so long, before he met you, there had only one person who could do such a thing. Maybe she sent you Frank's way. Maybe not. He wasn't really into that sort of thing; religion was never really his scene.

Still, right now, there were two things on his mind; the first was getting those damn wounds patched. He could do it himself, he had done it before a thousand and one times, but he missed having someone take care of him; the doctors and nurses that he had alliances with could have done it, but Frank felt like he needed to be here with you. He felt like he had to stay, just to keep you safe and sound, just to guard you and shield you.

As you sat down with him, you tore open a packet of plasters and antiseptic wipes, sighing heavily as you chewed at the inside of your lip; sure, Frank had been there for you more times than you could count. He taught you how to present yourself in the way that you felt most comfortable when you asked, he supported you with everything - from your transition and how you saw fit to do so, all the way through to telling you which haircuts would suit you best and even through to the little things like giving you words of reassurance and softness when you needed them - without hesitation, he was there in a heartbeat if you ever needed him. Like when he had brought over battenburg cake at three o'clock in the morning because you wanted some; you weren't sure how he had gotten it when all the shops were closed, but you didn't question it. But it was more than that.

Frank meant a lot to you, a Hell of a lot, and even though you often worried about him, you knew that you had no right to; your feelings for him would never be returned, you had no right to worry when he was the Punisher and you were little more than just some guy who fancied him. You never had any right to worry, but when he clenched his jaw and growled at the sting of the antiseptic, you swallowed thickly and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Frank, but it's gonna hurt like a bitch."

"I'm fine," he replied, "as long as I got you, (y/n), I'm fine."

'Far from the Fame' by Sabaton started to play, and Frank actually relaxed a little when you started to hum along to it, even daring to smile when you sang the chorus to yourself.

"As the war rages on, you are our guide, far, far from the fame, far, far away from the fame but we still remember your name, Karel Janoušek, we mourn the day that you died so be our guide, Czechoslovakia’s pride..."

Frank really missed moments like this, moments when he could actually relax just because he was around you, and he could hear you quietly sing along to the songs you loved so much; he didn't even pay attention to how you patched him up, lost in the sound of your voice and the gentle grace of your fingertips. He licked his lips, and just as he was about to speak, you beat him to it.

"You're all done," you told him, patting his shoulder. "Just don't go getting stabbed and shot and God knows what else again."

He nodded, stealing a look at you and swallowing thickly. "Y'know, I always did like hearing you sing."

You scoffed as you raised a brow, shaking your head. "Of course you do... you want a coffee?"

"Yeah, please," he agreed, watching you walk away as you went about putting the medical equipment away. He heard the rush of the boiling tap and he heard the clink of the spoon against the mug, and before he could thank you properly, you set a cup of coffee in front of him.

"You might as well stay for a while," you told him. "Y'know, so I can keep an eye on you."

Frank hummed, tracing the rim of the mug with his finger as he did his best not to look at you. "Yeah, course... I might as well anyway, someone's gotta protect you."

"I don't need protecting," you muttered. "But if it makes you feel better... sure. You can even sleep in my bed tonight."

"Sounds good," he dared to crack a smile. So broken and jaded and hardly even a smile, but to you, it meant everything. "Besides, if I don't protect you... how can I make sure the only guy I wanna be with is safe?"

You furrowed your brows. "The fuck do you mean?"

"I mean..." he ran a hand down his face and grumbled. "I've been thinking, (y/n), and if you... look, I'm never gonna be a perfect boyfriend, maybe not even a fucking good one, but... if you want me, you can have me."

You nodded slowly, swallowing thickly. "I can have you?"

"If you want me," Frank said quietly. "Otherwise I won't say shit about it again."

"I do," you admitted, daring to grin. "Fuck, Frank, why didn't you say earlier? I mean... shit. I'll tell you later."

"No one's ever gonna get you, though," he growled. "No one. You're mine, no one else is allowed to fucking touch you, and I'll make sure of it."

if you liked this fic, REBLOG IT - you SHOULD reblog it; spam likers WILL be blocked. as will blogs that refuse to reblog or to give feedback. if you don't wanna reblog, then you'll get blocked; reblogging is the BARE MINIMUM. don't just "like", REBLOG

[cmdonovann]

Accomplishments! Quantum Break fansite in progress!

(originally posted June 8th, 2023; crossposted from dreamwidth.)

Well, I removed Tumblr from my phone to prevent me from wasting so much time there, which means I now have nowhere to easily and quickly post my inane thoughts (at least not without feeling like I'm bothering people on Discord or in direct messages, though perhaps that's something I should work on). You know what that means! It means I'm probably going to try posting them here instead. Thing I want to post about: I'm making a Quantum Break fansite! I've been wanting to do this for ages, and actually started putting together a couple of little graphics for it during the "Quantum Break Appreciation Month" event I ran on Tumblr in April, but I hadn't made much progress on the project since then... until the past few days, anyway, when I started brainstorming what I actually want to do with the site, how I want to lay it out, and so on. Yesterday I put together some CSS for the site, and today I did The Hard Part: I set up a git/GitHub repo for the site, and got the "deploy to neocities" script working for it, so I can easily and quickly make updates to the site in VSCode, then push from there to GitHub to neocities all at once, like I do with my personal site. Was this an absolute pain to set up? Yes! Somehow, it took me even longer to do it a second time than it did the first! But I did it myself, with a lot of encouragement and rubber duck-ing from a few very helpful people in the Fandom Coders chat. Can't say I'm not proud of myself for that. I would not have had the skill or confidence a year ago to do something like this, especially not all the mucking about I did in the terminal trying to set up the git repo in the first place. Anyway, I am, to put it mildly, extremely fucking excited to continue working on this site. I've got big plans: first order of business is to get an archive set up of all the Quantum Break fanfic I can get my hands on (and get permission from the authors for). After that, I'm probably going to do the same for fanart and image edits like photosets and gifsets from Tumblr, since the CSS page styling for those will likely be similar (though I expect to run into some attribution problems with older Tumblr posts, what with so many deactivated or moved blogs post-2018). Once that's sorted out, I'm considering looking into the best way to archive fanvids, but honestly that might be put off for a while longer, as video hosting and video players are way out of my skill level currently. Maybe I'll import some of my Quantum Break playlists from my personal site, too? Oh yeah, and at some point down the line, I want to make a searchable wiki with transcripts of all the in-game narrative objects. But "searchable" is probably going to be a stumbling point there, and transcribing takes ages, so this will be last priority, I think. Wow, that's... a lot, actually! Damn! This is gonna take a while. Not that I mind spending a couple of years poking at a project, obviously. *Gestures at my longfic that took four years to finish...* I've been neck deep in this fandom for over seven years, what's another five or ten? XP

btw, since it's fairly easy to post images on tumblr (compared to dreamwidth, anyway), here's a screenshot of the section that's currently in progress: the fic archive index!

(ignore my filler text... i usually use karkalicious as my lorem ipsum, so at least i'm not committing THAT particular crime here.)

i'm still futzing around a little with the styling (negative margin my beloathed) but it's coming along pretty well! i've already got a branch where i've started... you know, actually adding fic to the site, but i won't merge that into the main and add a link to the front page until the style problems have been fixed (or at least, fixed enough to be easily navigable on mobile, which... is not the case right now, lolrip).