#which is objectively hilarious so now you all get to see my insanity

[coffeebanana]

How does Adrien measure his height?

In senti-metres.

[moreespressoformydepresso]

What are your honest thoughts on all Descendants boys? From both books and movies?

Oehh that’s a good question! I’ll base most of this off of the movies because I remember them more clearly. Sorry this is so late, I needed some time to sort out my thoughts. Let’s see:

Ben: cutie, golden retriever energy, needs to grow a bit more of a spine but as a recovering doormat I vibe with him.

He’s got a good heart, and he’s definitely going places, but I have no idea who decided a 16-year-old should be king. Hilariously, he’s a better king than his dad because he cares about all of his people, not just the “heroes”. But still, he’s 16, let him have his dumbass teenage years. He’s still in his phase of wanting to please everyone and that isn’t gonna lead to the best decision making. You’re king, Ben, you can overrule your girlfriend’s selfish idiotic plan of closing the barrier. Just tell her “the barrier was opened for you to come through too. If those kids aren’t worth the risk, does that mean you aren’t either? Should we throw you back?!” And she’s change her tune real fast. You gotta give some tough love sometimes.

Jay: cool, I wanna know his gym routine, pretty funny but rash, needs Carlos to temper his brand of crazy (love their bromance).

I love the narrative parallels to the movie Aladdin. Jafar thought himself so far above a street rat and now he’s raised his son to be one so he can continue being a con-man. In the movies, Jay is actually a very accurate representation of your upbringing shaping you into who you are. All Jay knows is stealing, he’s never been taught to pay if he doesn’t have to, so to him stealing’s perfectly fine. It’s normal. It’s a lot more subtle than the whole “who doesn’t like being evil” bit, but the core idea is the same: when all you’ve ever known is one perspective, that’s gonna feel like the objective truth because you’ve never had a chance to try a different one.

Carlos De Vil: Best (movie) Boy, my baby, I love him. What a little nerd (affectionate).

He’s a big part of why I willfully ignore the absolute stupidity that is the third movie’s ending. I’m sorry Mal, wtf is wrong with you??? You set your supposed friend’s abuser free for nothing but some empty platitudes and dare suggest you’ve become an empathetic person?!?! In the books, we get a lot more insight into just how horrible of a mother Cruella is, but even in the movies we see he’s had it bad because of how jumpy and nervous he is. Disney is still Disney so we don’t get much of the healing process, but we see how he calms down and adjusts to a normal life over the course of the movies when he’s out of the bad situation, which is pretty good by Disney standards. Cameron Boyce did an amazing job playing him (R.I.P Cameron) and seeing an abuse victim get comfortable within their own skin and getting the happy ending they deserve is always fun.

Harry Hook: Insane (affectionate), most fashionable drama queen ever, absolutely crazy, more than a few screws loose but in the best way possible, he’s hilarious.

So on the surface, Harry’s pretty simple. A dude who’s lost his marbles and flirts with everyone. He probably has some kind of moral compass, since he didn’t rip Mal’s throat out with his hook when she revealed her little stunt in D3, but it fell overboard at some point and couldn’t be found so nobody knows what it is except Harry himself. Also, he has his sane moments, like during that same confrontation in D3 I mentioned before where he says “And you, King Benny... you're probably gonna throw us all back inside.” It’s the first time I’ve heard him sound… not like Harry. It’s sombre and defeated, a little disappointed maybe? Either way it’s really good acting and it implies he can act completely “normal” but he just chooses not to, which makes me like him even more. He’s just a dude living his best life despite the circumstances he was born into.

Gil: adorable, hilarious, kinda clueless but in a good way.

I love characters that have no idea what’s going on half the time but are absolute sweethearts trying their best. He’s like- the opposite of his dad in every way and I’m living for it!

Gaston Jr and Gaston the third: I don’t have much to say on them, let alone separately, so they get a section together.

Honestly? I don’t remember having an opinion of them. They made Evie happy by wresting, which is cool so they get points for that. Seem like they’re trying to out-gentleman each other to win Evie’s heart and since they’re not being creepy assholes about it they are objectively better than their dad. Very much brawl over brains, the two of them, with their constant wrestling reminding me of Carlos and Jay except they’re both the muscle. Kinda cute sibling relationship, even if it’s in a VK-typical villain-flavored way.

Anthony Tremaine: squeeeee, my type is pretty boys who sigh in annoyance at everything, I guess? We only get scraps but I happily cradle them to my chest.

Uhmmm so Anthony’s personality is mostly up for imagination? The only canon information we have is that he’s most likely Anastasia’s only kid (someone on Tumblr pointed out that, in the scene with the wicked step-daughters, he’s referred to only as their cousin, not their brother) and he’s very bored with his cousins’ antics. Given A Twist In Time the potential drama is endless. Every time Anthony’s mentioned we’re reminded he’s pretty and has good style, and I love that for him. Dude lives on an isle of junk and still looks like a supermodel. Lots of room for my own ideas while still remaining within the realm of “could be canon” with just enough base in there that I’m not just creating an OC, and as a writer and artist that’s all I need tbh.

Hadie: cute, deserves better, I need more of him and Mal bonding

Mal’s half-brother, son of Hades, very cool. I like that he’s trying to turn good and having a hard time, because that’s very realistic for someone who grew up not knowing anything other than evil. Descendants 2 tried to tackle it with Mal, but failed miserably. We know Hades sucks as a parent in descendants (neglect is abuse) so that’s not gonna help him.

Dough: Awww he’s so cute with Evie 🥺

No really that’s it. He’s a nerd that gets the girl, has some very funny moments, but honestly most of his character is centered around Evie? And they’re cute together it’s not a bad thing but there isn’t much to analyze. He’s understandably pissed about someone like Chad getting all the girls while using them, but that’s also only ever seen in relation to Evie.

Chad Charming: what a bitch (derogatory), total coward, I hate him but he’s funny.

So I have no issue with characters who conduct themselves terribly (I love Audrey, (fanon) Anthony, Uma, and many others from many fandoms) if, and that’s a massive IF, they have a good reason for it. And I’ll count “because I can and I want to” as a good reason, because by that point you have someone who’s mean and owns it. I can appreciate the self-awareness and usually those characters are very extra so it’s entertaining. If not that, there needs to be a reason they are the way they are. Audrey has the pressure from her grandmother (and the borderline verbal abuse), Uma has the very real grievance of living in squalor on a run-down island full of the worst of humanity because she was born, what does Chad have? He’s spoiled. A spoiled brat. And he goes from that to an overtly whimpering coward with none of the pretense of superiority in any field. His one saving grace is that he’s a massive joke.

Diego De Vil, Clay Clayton, Gonzo, Jace and Harry Badun, Herkie, Aziz, Jonas, Lefou Deux, Li Shang Jr, everyone else I missed: no opinion, because they’re not relevant enough for the writers to give them a personality.

I have nothing I’m sorry. I barely remember reading their names and I don’t remember anything from the scenes they’re (mentioned) in to get an idea of what to talk about here.

That was… a lot lmao

[takemebacktowheniwassane]

I would kill to have you overanalyze everything about Falsettos. Hope that didn't sound too threatening, I was joking, I'm just really into your analysis of the chess game :3

omg! I would love to analyze anything for you, man! 💗 I've pretty much picked everything out of a lot of the songs─ lil surprised I don't have my own corkboard with red twine commemorating my insanity on this musical lol

Looking through the album, the first option that came to mind might've been The Thrill of First Love but I think I'll take a break from toxic gays for just one moment and give you a strangely written analysis on Marvin at the Psychiatrist: A Three-Part Mini Opera, because of the different character pov's (i.e., Mendel, Jason, somewhat Whizzer, and of course, Marvin─ and I know Whizzer only announces each section of the song but hear me out, the theories are crazy and I'm obsessed with them and this song definitely factors into them aswell).

Basically, we'll start off with a quick look over Jason's lines, as he is the first character to speak/sing in the song. Right off the bat, we have him showing a HUGE disdain for love because of his father pretty much ruining his home life with the illusion of it. Well, maybe disdain is strong, but you get what I mean─ he's very reluctant to accept romance as an option for himself at all at this point because the wound is still very fresh from Marvin blowing up their family life, but yeah, also, he's a little preteen boy so it also makes sense for him to object to liking anyone just because of immaturity.

As we progress, Jason does a joint-therapy session with Marvin and they talk about outings and father/son bonding time gone badly wrong. He lets us in on his hyper-observance with his reaction to Marvin saying the pitcher they saw at a baseball game was handsome, and makes sure the audience is well aware he has some pretty conflicting emotions about his dad and his dad's sexuality. Especially given My Father's a Homo comes directly after this song, and in turn, also directly after this moment, so we know his feelings over Marvin and Whizzer (being that he enjoys Whizzer's company, seeing as Whizzer is the only adult who actually treats him like a kid and not like a victim or a baby or an average adult, like- but still) and their messy relationship.

It really makes me wonder on how it is when he's meant to go over to their apartment, since it's canonical that they live together and that Jason sees him regularly. And if they act terribly in front of him still. I assume Whizzer wouldn't allow that, another trait that gives Jason reason to side with him, because he seems like he really just doesn't want to completely, for lack of better words, fuck up Jason's whole childhood experience by being a part of it.

Now! Mendel isn't a complicated perspective, per say, just very eccentric. Especially assuming he asks MANY intrusive questions to a man who just openly came out as gay about his ex-wife and her sexual habits and such. This is where we tell him to go to horny jail.

(That's not the whole analysation, I swear─)

Mendel to me seems like he probably takes the initiative to not relay any of his clients actual info to other family members, but this song pretty much just proves he's incapable of brain-thought when he's horny. Which, yeah, that's hilarious that the only straight man is just thirsting over a woman to this gay guy. William Finn, you've done it again.

Anyhow, Mendel is pretty vital in this song. We get to see his psychiatry techniques, and with that, understand exactly what kind of situation Marvin's been, in taking therapy from him this whole time. The first part of the song is probably the best way of analyzing, since he's actually intelligible and giving Marvin advice. Well, that advice consists of telling him to ignore Whizzer's flaws and love him regardless, you can actually sorta see that at work in some aspects of the musical, even if he's constantly condescending to Whizzer throughout act one.

But generally, Marvin tends to take the exact opposite path that Mendel gives him, and basically just uses him as a venting device. Then again, Mendel is not to great at giving advice, as a neurotic little man who has like four mental breakdowns in the course of act one and two.

Next, Whizzer, of course. Short but sweet, or.. angsty? I've heard a few people theorize that Whizzer narrates the story ("Marvin at the psychiatrist, a three part mini opera, part one." "Part two." "Part three." "Psychiatrist, returning, returning! Five sessions later..." "A day in Falsettoland─ Doctor Mendel at work.") because after he dies, it sort of becomes his story of finding a true family and lover and son and being actually happy and knowing he lived well before he died really, tragically young, at least.

I'd like to take it a different direction, because I hate angst, and only sometimes tolerate it.

I've realized that Whizzer only actually narrates Mendel's shenanigans, which makes me think, especially with how he still does in act two, he gets to HEAR about the sessions. Whether it be from Marvin, or Jason, or Trina. Or even Mendel himself (this one's more act two based). It may introduce a new side because Whizzer doesn't go to therapy (shocker), but the people he's around all see this one guy so maybe he hears about the sessions and can relay them because he knows this one person's aspect of the story each time.

It wouldn't make a lot of sense for him to hear anything from Mendel in act one assuming they weren't close (at least not in the revival), and he doesn't marry Trina until Marvin and Whizzer are broken up, basically. But it would make more sense for him to get it from his boyfriend who absolutely loves to complain about any minor inconvenience in his life. I just think this could be an interesting perspective, because I've only ever seen that first theory and although somewhat fitting, I need less angst and more cool little headcanons in this fanbase please and thank you.

Finally, we go to Marvin. The star of the show, our princess with several disorders (we all know who our real queens are *stares directly at Trina and Whizzer*).

Throughout the entirety of this song, we see him barely entertaining Mendel with information. He's very vague, which probably stems from a life of secrecy and sneaking around. Although I presume he told Mendel about the affair while it was happening, or a few months in? Or Mendel just knew? Just by the general air of it, and how it seemed well-known by that point even though him and Trina only just divorced.

Marvin definitely keeps to himself, and waits for Mendel to butt in with something. Not so he can take his advice, but moreso so that he can kinda just. Have it, on hand? Or maybe so he can prove to himself that therapy is a hoax, because that certainly sounds like a Marvin thing to do.

Even while going through events with his son, he only states that eventually their interactions just go back to being stale and that they SHOULD be closer, without ever trying to actually make an effort (he assumes making an effort is taking Jason on outings even though they both prefer to stay inside, on their own. This definitely comes from his parents not doing anything with him as a kid, it's internalized so he pushes going out in public and doing what would be father/son outings onto Jason. It's something he never got to have, so he thinks that means he's fathering Jason better than average).

Not much to be said about that middle factor, besides the point of Marvin not knowing Trina was withholding love from him, which is interesting. Her character and lines definitely prevail that she was fed up with Marvin, but it could have just come out as indifference during their marriage. In I'm Breaking Down, she does make a point to state that she only wants a man to love her, so that could've been an overwhelming point in their marriage that Marvin remembers more vividly then her drifting away.

He did seem genuinely surprised when Mendel brought it up, so there is something there for sure.

But now, my dear silly, it's time for me to say adieu, because it's semi-late and I gotta update a fic draft :) but thank you sm for asking! made my day, it was so sweet. my inbox is always open for any suggestions, I'm really glad you like these little rants lol.

I'll try to post more soon 🫶

Goodnight!

[transpersian]

I got to say, it has been pretty funny to watch NightWyld and Annie try to copy your style and fail miserably. They view your documents as paragraphs of incoherent ranting followed by screenshots that don’t support the conclusion of those paragraphs. Then they stamp their feet when they do the same and don’t get the results you did.

Thanks! It’s almost like I have an education and do this professionally. 😘

The idea that Night refers to his document as “scholarly” is… amazing. There’s a reason that I’ve insisted on our docs being primarily evidentiary, and why my people have trusted me to lead the writing efforts.

It’s also why I’ve never been offended at any of them calling our docs “garbage” and theirs “excellent;” the claim is so objectively wrong that it’s nothing more than funny.

And if I seem a little more caustic than usual, um… yeah. I’m done being nice about these fucking clowns. They’re pathetic and insane, and spreading genuinely harmful rhetoric.

It’s so sad to have seen Annie go from trying to be a better person to fully embracing Poppy’s approach and going “fuck it, I’m going to troll people with my shit. People find pedophilia gross, HAHAHAHA HILARIOUS”

And Night… god. Kid needs help. Seriously. They feel supported by Poppy, but they’re just being enabled and it’s making them worse. They used to be so kind and compassionate; you can see the shift in how they used to write their posts versus now.

That’s something that Poppy doesn’t understand and why she thinks that people turned on her for stupid reasons; good friends let you know when you’re going down a destructive path. There are people I haven’t let help me because it wouldn’t have been good for them; the fact that Poppy is leaning on someone so vulnerable (never mind half her age) is one of the most repugnant parts of this whole situation, imo.

They can call it “infantalization” all they want; the way that she does things is not the virtue she thinks it is. If you ask me, it’s lazy, exploitative, and selfish. As a mental health “professional,” she should know better.

They call us abuse apologists when their lack of self-awareness has led to them spreading rhetoric that genuinely normalizes abuse and victim-blaming masked as therapy-speak. They don’t see it that way, which is why it’s so harmful.

It’s why they call the Poppyamory 1 doc ridiculous: they don’t even recognize that Hayleigh was done with the relationship and that what Zena was doing was invalidating every valid concern and fear that Hayleigh had. Liana points out that “NoEh KnEw” how risky the visit would be, but conveniently leaves out how Zena talked her into going anyway.

It’s emblematic of every defense they have: everything they do is okay because it’s them doing it. When Twisty drops her DMs with me, you might see it there, too: her argument on how to end this wasn’t agreeing to a ceasefire; it was that we should just let them say whatever they want about us and not respond.

It’s so fucking stupid.

But yes, this is all my fault. 🙄

Fuck these idiots.

[panelshowsource]

If you had to pick a top three favorite episodes of any panel shows EVER, which would you choose? One of mine would have to be Terry Wogan guest hosting old NMTB, which I am dying to watch again in my lifetime. Your old-NMTB-posting reminded me just how amazing and formative those old episodes were for me. Anyway, it got me thinking… I would love to hear yours!

as long as i'm allowed to answer this totally subjectively...! because the objectively most iconic panel show episodes are probably quite different to the ones i gravitate to especially for rewatching — and especially in this difficult recent climate 🫥

this choice is almost bizarre knowing me, a huge huge huge sean lock fan, but this episode of cats does countdown — without sean! and not even golden era, probably, whatever that is in my mind — is so ridiculous and chaotic and stupid that i've watched it about 1000 times. there's something very specific about the dynamic between jimmy, jon, roisin, and joe without sean; those four have been in quite a few episodes without sean and they're like actual children without an adult in the room: jon is goofier and completely lets go of the game, jimmy throws even more to roisin (we do not talk enough about what a fucking kick jimmy gets out of her), roisin and joe's insane sibling dynamic becomes next level. anyways—this episode, which includes rly funny mascots, glory hole, the fucking hoop game and joe eating an onion and jon eating peppers???, THE UNICORN, its sheer childishness just cracks me up every time :') (if we're gonna mention the golden age, 2.02 is very iconic — from rhod killin it and always arguing with jimmy to claude to nick x susie hahaha but i have sooooo many catsdown episodes i love love love)

i really love the episode of 8 out of 10 cats following jimmy's tax scandal. it's not one of my favourite panel shows in general, but the circumstances of the news and the discussion epitomised what the show was meant to be: panel show meets reality tv meets a comedy central roast. watching that live, as the news was running it so heavily that even the prime minister mentioned it, as the press and twitter were reacting to it... wild times. it holds up incredibly well — it's hilarious watching them rip him to shreds, because he deserves every word and they're having a ball doing it to him, and i really appreciate jon grounding the conversation in just how tax avoidance hurts their country and some of its hardest workers — a really interesting, engaging mix of comedy and anger and wit and disappointment and political commentary that is not only funny but strikingly relevant no matter how much time passes. like so, so many people who were so, so disappointed in jimmy, this was the foundation of his carrying the responsibility, shame, reflection, and growth that people wanted to see — and that he truly needed to. since then he's talked a lot about not only righting the wrong (in paying back what he owed in avoidance) but just how the system is so broken — and taking the least complicated, most honest road forward since.

now i want to pick 1000 different things this is why i don't make lists or rank things!!!!! while my instinct is to pick a big fat quiz, i'm actually gonna go top-level nostalgia and say this episode of buzzcocks when stephen fry was a guest. what can i say — simon, stephen, it was two intellectual, mildly bitchy homosexuals on a stacked panel including josie long, dominic cooper, and yet another skinny white rock man for simon to pretend he's not trying to flirt with. stephen saying "there is a history, in pop music, of recto-veginal insertion" and denouncing god, like, in the first 5 minutes? stephen doing the intros round?? did i mention history boys-era dominic cooper??? such a throwback!!! (not to cheat but this ep with josh groban & martin freeman is my runner up)

i want to apologise to big fat quiz, taskmaster, wilty... THE WHOLE HISTORY OF PANEL SHOWS... I WISH I COULD CHOOSE YOU ALL

[galvanizedfriend]

List your nine most favorite books

Tagged by @jinxedwood

It was so hard to keep this to nine. I feel like this is a list that changes a lot, depending on my mood (with a few exceptions). Like jinxedwood, I feel I must add a disclaimer: some of these books are great, some of these books are great to me. I like what I like.

Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. I've lost count of how many times I've read this. It's totally nonsensical and hilarious and I absolutely love it. I collect Alice in Wonderland editions, and I have read every single one of them at least once. Don't feel the same way about Through the Looking Glass though. Wonderland is very uniquely insane, which is what makes it great.

1984 by George Orwell. I fully realize this book is much more impressive when you're 18 and reading it for the first time, but I will absolutely fight anyone who trashes it. It stands the test of time to an eerie (and somewhat depressing) degree. I remember getting to the end of this and being so completely disheartened by the way it ends that I was upset for a week. I was 18, but still. It's a great book.

Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton. I am OBSESSED with Jurassic Park, ok? It's my favorite movie ever. And precisely because of that, I postponed reading this book forever because I was fully convinced it would suck and I didn’t want to live with the source material of my favorite movie letting me down. But then these really really beautiful editions of the series came out and I just had to buy them, and so eventually I had to read them as well. AND LO AND BEHOLD! The book is actually great! Not better than the movies, mind you, but really good. It's different enough that it's surprising even to someone who's seen the movies 30 times like me. And it's also very philosophical, whereas the movie focuses more on the adventure and the T-rex (for obvious reasons, to great success). 10/10.

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. First time I read this I was 13 and it was this 1936 edition written in Portugal Portuguese, maybe even the first translation of this work into the language, and I hated it. Then many years later I found this stunning Barnes and Noble edition in English and decided to give it a second try. Instantly obsessed. It's a huge exposition in vanity, hedonism, ego and the human nature, monologues can last for pages and pages, but it's so interesting, so insightful and the dialogues are so good.

Epitaph of a Small Winner (Memórias Póstumas de Brás Cubas), by Machado de Assis. This is a masterpiece of Brazilian literature and probably my favorite thing I've read by Machado de Assis, who's one of, if not the most revered writer of all time in my country. Brás Cubas is a wealthy 19th century dead man and the narrator of this book, in which he makes reflections and digresses on many chapters of his life - after his death. It's a basically a fictional autobiography written by someone by a dead man. I just googled to see what the first paragraph was like in English, because it's one of my favorites ever, and it's still great. "I am a deceased writer not in the sense of one who has written and is now deceased, but in the sense of one who has died and is now writing." He dedicates the book to the first worm to eat his flesh. Brilliant.

Vicious by V.E. Schwab. I love Victoria Schwab so much, have read almost everything she's ever written. If writing talent was something you could buy at a supermarket, I’d get myself doses of hers. I love her style. Even the things that I objectively don't like, I still enjoy for the writing alone. This is probably my favorite thing she's ever written. I love the duality between Eli and Victor, I love their rivalry, I love the ideological war between and how ruthless they are, how far they are both willing to go just to prove a point. Neither of them is a good guy or a hero, and I love that about this story. It's not really that original, you can see where she drew inspiration from, but still. I love it.

Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann. The moment I finished reading this, years ago, I wondered how the hell this hadn't been turned into a movie yet. Thank you, Martin Scorsese, for listening to me. Please, don’t fuck this up. It's not fiction, which is not something I read very often because I’m easily bored, but this is amazingly written. And the story is so crazy. Maybe Americans are more familiar with it, but I wasn't, and it stunned me from start to finish. If you don’t know what it’s about, at some point in the history of the USA, the members of the Osage Nation were the richest people in the country, and then they started dying, one by one. The investigation into those murders was crappy because of racism, but it also led to the foundation of the FBI as it is known today. David Grann is a genius. I've read other books by him, all of them non-fiction, and it's always an unbelievable true story that's just shocking. His investigation into the topics is fantastic. He has one about the lost city of Z that is WILD. I’ve told everyone I know about that book.

The Heart's Invisible Furies by John Boyne. I know John Boyne has some controversial books (which I have tried to stay away from), but this is so good. His writing is amazing. It's such a heartbreaking story, but the way it's narrated is so light that instead of being depressive, it just made me so hopeful. The main character is probably one of the most naturally likable MC I've ever read, too. Every other character in the story is either insane or absurd, sometimes both. Probably the best dialogues I’ve ever read in a book.

The Conqueror's Wife by Stephanie Thornton. Listen, this is one of those books that I'm sure not everyone will like. But it's almost like it was written for me. It's a historical romance, it has multiple narrators, it’s based in real people that existed and it's about Alexander the Great. I have an inexplicable obsession with Alexander the Great, don't ask. I’ve read tons of stuff on him, so the fact this draws a lot from the real stuff makes it even better. The title is a little misleading, makes you believe it's about Alexander's wife (or one of them anyway), but it's not. The four narrators are two of his wives, his younger sister and Hephaestion. It paints a very gruesome and realistic picture of Alexander, beyond the myth. 10/10 for me.

Honorable mentions: The Song of Aquiles by Madelline Miller, Battle Royale by Koushun Takani.

Tagging: @definedareasofuncertainty, @misssophiachase, @amandakc, @austennerdita2533, @purplesigebert, @sekretny and anyone else who might want to do this. :) Tag me back so I can see your book list, I love that!

[cagedchoices]

proofwhiskey!

SEND ME A URL AND I'LL WRITE SOME POSITIVITY FOR IT

@proofwhisky

If it looks like I'm answering this now several days after the fact in a desperate attempt to get back on Gami's good side after previously incurring his wrath…it's because I am, that is 100% what is happening and now everyone knows my secret plans. 🤭 lfjasdkfh all jokes aside:

I first met Gami back in their Jesse Pinkman days, which quickly led to a good old unprompted interaction between his post-series Jesse and Caleb that was both hilarious and heartbreaking. It started off with Jesse being like “dude. you look just like me.” 

Both of them were like “hey what the fuck-” looking like that Spiderman pointing at Spiderman meme, but then they were also trying to figure out what each other's Deal™ was and realized they're both severely traumatized and broken in ways that were so fundamentally different and yet shared so many similarities at the same time. Jesse flirted with Caleb at one point and the plan was Caleb was Supposed to flirt back but he wasn’t really ready to accept whatever he thought that meant, I guess. Now they just perpetually exist in my head as trauma-bonded besties who give each other shit for being the same but not.

When Gami made a return to rp with Tommy Shelby from Peaky Blinders as a muse I was, as I always am, thrilled to see them back! Their writing has always been good don't listen to their objections abt it - but it has continued to improve and age like a fine wine with time and even more practice. I've rewatched Peaky Blinders at least 5 times now and it's so clear that Gami Gets Tommy's motives and personality down so well.

Additionally, he is insanely creative and talented as a mixed media artist and he runs a kickass discord server which i can't recommend enough if you like horror and you've got time to kill. Basically, Gami's one of my ride or die pals and I'm always looking forward to our next adventure. 💙

[lavender-phannie]

I SEE PEOPLE sharing how they got into the dip and pip phandom and I want to participate

I was first and foremost a pinterest girlie. The typical oh my parents won't let me have any form of social media except pinterest oh oh no boy little did they know all the internet shenanigans ends up there it's objectively the best place to "culture" yourself or "acclimatise" for the internet or something

Like, really, it's all content from all the apps compiled for YOU according to the humour YOU like it's amazing

Anyways going off topic .. I have intense FOMO so I obviously started to educate myself on all things internet

One day whilst idly browsing pinterest I happened on pictures of dnp from a tumblr post I don't remember what the post itself was but probably something phan but I didn't know that at the time and I immediately went and checked who they were because I must know and google said they're two British youtubers people ship together and I said okay cool and just left it at that

A month or two later they happened onto my pinterest again and my brain said hey you've had a pretty well curated for you page all things we like so maybe check em out see how it goes probably something we like so I said ok bet and I did and I watched a video of them I think pinof 4 and I was like okay these guys are super random they're funny but I don't get half the things they reference

But then the youtube gods saw my destiny and said this is your fate child and starting recommending it to me all the time

So I gave in and I watched them and they were amazing, healing and wonderful and they really really helped me

Especially like BIG and dans monologue about gender and sexuality really resonated with me cause I didn't really think about this before but I realised I actually agreed with him that gender is baseless but that rant is for another time

And phil, loveliest dearest funniest phil, whenever I was having a hard time he'd been there cheering me up

If you can't tell I joined the phandom in the cursed covid years I was here for the 2022 phivorce which was objectively hilarious

I know this is incredibly long. Longer than necessary but I've typed it all now and words must not be gone to waste so here you are and here we are

Sending best wishes during these trying times (2 weeks since last upload) (they deserve the break) (I'm clawing at the walls of my enclosure)

Anon i am also going insane and clawing at my walls idk how i survived a 5 year hiatus and the insanity of phannies seeing dan's foot in a video and calling it "joint content" (also don't worry about stuff being long i love reading it!!)

Kinda relate with the pinterst thing except for me it was instagram and i followed dnp accounts that posted stuff from other social media i wasnt allowed to have at the time... people underestimate the importance of instagram and pinterest when it comes to getting people into new fandoms hahah (although i was introduced to dnp through friends but you know what i mean right??)

anyway same same about phil being there to cheer me up when im having a rough time... in 2017 i had a huge dip in my mental health and i literally just watched phil's videos every night to get to sleep lol! I wonder if he knows how infectious his positive energy is?

WHERE WAS I GOING WITH THIS RAMBLE!? anyway yeah throwing my jumble of thoughts at u anon sorry

[c0rvidbones]

Out of all your OCs, who's your favorite and why?

>:D YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD OF A QUESTION THIS IS BUT IVE BEEN DYING FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ABOUT MY OCS

GAH okay okay its a HUGE tossup between two of them and it doesn't help they are Brothers but I think I will have to say it's Umbra! Infodump that's super long and also art by my sick ass friend under the cut.

This is him! My feral bastard man, the one with the blue hair and pronouns! I realised while selecting these I literally do not own a single piece of art that is him by himself, he's basically glued to the hip of his husband, Penchant (written by my friend over at @/cherryfull, who also does draw all of this GORGEOUS art. The other person in the very last picture is his little brother, Axel)

Please know Umbra isn't small, Pen is just a fucking Giant of a man at a hearty 6'7"

[Quick info; he is a like 5'8-5'10 ish polynesian-french transman and a [very, Very fallen] angel of knowledge, and he struck a deal with the primordial Chaos to share and gain all the knowledge he possibly could in order to bolster his magic to an unreasonable level when he calls on it.]

He's a weird little man who I have been writing for like, 11?? Years now? He started out SO different, all warm and bright, passive and pastel/cottagecore, but through all of his batshit insane Events he's ended up this goth mildly aggressive edgelord (affectionate) who is mean for fun but is also still secretly helpful.

I think a huge part of him being my favourite, aside from him literally being my oldest, is that he has always been how I processed a lot of stressful things and got through unhappy times. I love calling his current era his "villain era" but it literally kicked off with him deciding to stop being a doormat of a boy and stand up for himself. Most of what he does is direct response to his own boundaries as he is STILL learning how to set them.

That said, he did once break someone's leg and dispose of them on said someone's ex boyfriend's doorstep with a boxed homemade cheesecake that said Happy Birthday on it; it was because those two were Yet Again pining for each other but were not doing Anything about it, and it was driving him nuts. He's still the village bastard because of this, and, even if it was a really convoluted plan to get those two back together, it wasn't exactly something a Normal and Sane man would do.

He also has a BLATANT disrespect for personal space with others most of the time, at least in terms of their homes. He has often and frequently, Uninvited, portalled into other people's homes. It has caused more than one fight, and once he agrees to not coming over unless he has asked permission or invited, he usually stops coming altogether because to him, it's no longer "fun."

I know, I know, you may be asking, why do you love this objectively terrible man, Observatory. Well, you see. I find him very funny. YES I know I write him but my very small rp group all agree sometimes the muse writes themselves and in the case of Umbra, he does so often and with wild abandon. He got jealous of a set of weights his husband put on his back and frisbee'd them into the wall so he could perch there like he usually does instead. He nearly threw a vampire off a yacht into a river because they were eyeing him a little too much. He regularly makes Nyquil Chicken and gives it to unsuspecting fools who, for some reason, keep forgetting he loves giving people Nyquil Chicken. Do you see why he's hilarious to me.

ALSO, while yes he is a terrible person with zero (well, One, but he's his sister-in-law's husband's brother so. Distant-ish family?) friends outside of direct family by marriage, if you DO manage to earn his loyalty, he is actually not just a Better person to you, but he is a Kind and Caring and VICIOUSLY protective person. He seeks out bountiful physical contact and often offers food and company, he will help you with everything in his power (which is a lot, because yeah, he has kinda ended up overwhelmingly overpowered because of RP events) when you need it. He doesn't like to use his healing magic anymore, it feels too much like an echo of the doormat boy he used to be, but if he cares, Actually cares about you, he will offer it, and it will mean the World.

Unfortunately because of how complex he's become over the years, he's nearly impossible to RP with new people because he has such Thick history and I, an autistic person and his creator, can't help myself and will talk about him nonstop whenever possible.

tl;dr He's an awful person but he makes me laugh and that's the most important thing.

[msfbgraves]

I've been down a rabbit hole of "this capitalist system is criminally insane in that it disincentives meaningful work while making everybody do either meaningless labour or forcing those doing meaningful things while labouring into poverty." So far so hellscape. The more insane take of that is to then encourage people to find meaning in their working life. Because people doing meaningful work are more productive. But please fam. Jobs that pay enough to live on exist for one reason and one reason only and that is to make already rich people even richer.

That's not what work is for of course, but that is what jobs are for. Remember, meaningful labour or work is paid fuck all.

That is not what they told me. They told me to go find a well paying job that is fullfilling. And those don't exist by fucking design.

Changing a system either requires a lot of bloodshed - if it is to be done quickly - or a lot of graftwork which is glacially slow. So the obvious answer, if you need a fair amount of money - and I am disabled enough to hurt every day but not disabled enough to qualify for any assistance, good times - is to find meaning anywhere you can, but certainly not primarily in a job. This takes away a lot of the alienation because of course this shit is meaningless. It's meant to make me too tired to overthrow the system.

So what does have meaning? How can I further that, or, if they steal all my time, at least fund that?

Now employers want you to take a job personally because you work harder but in most cases, that way madness lies. I mean fantastic if you can find both, but again, that is the antithesis of what many jobs are supposed to do, which is keep you depressed and passive outside of work.

Kafka's problem was not that he didn't see it, it was that he took it seriously.

So how can you sustain yourself while finding meaning, if it's not in your nature to choose violence?

I think I would have lasted a lot longer if I had shamelessly disregarded "company time". Fuck it. Fuck them! Fullfill your contract if you don't want trouble but fuck everything else. And here I was, feeling guilty for not doing much work from home. What work outside of crunch time? Lie, cheat. Further your own objectives. Again, fullfill your contract, but if your job has no tangible purpose, there will be empty time. Make it yours to get to what brings you meaning.

People get miserable because they buy into the idea that a job should have meaning and if it doesn't, there is something wrong with them.

But if you cannot happily exist doing meaningful work - and the majority of us can't - than work for or at least fund other kinds of meaning. The misery of selling your life away is lessened, because it's not our fault. We're basically POW's of class war here.

I'm seriously considering taking an office job and using it to write a dissertation on wage slavery.

Honestly I think that'd be hilarious.

[seafoam-taide]

OKAY SO. im so curious whats the fandom with the object people and the one named tesla and the lightbulb who i think is tesla's friend. Please ive been seeing it everywhere and cant find a name for it,,, i wanna know a bit more about it to see if i wanna check it out

Hi!!! Okay so. Well. The overarching name for aaall this nonsense is the Object Show Community, or OSC. At least, that's what I've gathered. Tesla specifically is @ecto-hazard's OC for an object /camp/ called RIP- Rune's Immature Party. If you haven't caught on already, acronyms are Kind Of A Thing. If you want to look into Tesla stuff specifically, here's a link to Grey's post with the master doc! They're comics and you should totally read them I'm not biased at all. There's also a brief explanation for camps in the doc I think. That should probably be its own post if you want me to talk about it, though.

So the actual meat of all this object stuff is, as the name suggests, the object shows, most of which are on youtube. The main two(? I think?) are Inanimate Insanity and Battle For Dream Island, but there are like, over 500 or something of them all over the place. It's a Huge Thing. Those two start off preeetty goofy but the most recent seasons are really cool stuff in my opinion.

Oh and, to give you a little bit of context, the basic like. 'structure' of an object show is like you know those reality TV competition shows where there's a set cast that gets whittled down through some sort of voting system. like survivor. its like that but with object characters.

In case you want to watch some, here's a list of the shows I've watched so far that I liked:

Battle For Dream Island [BFDI] by jacknjellify - The Original. the one that sparked all this nonsense. at least. to my knowledge. there are uh. 5 seasons now i think? it's a lot. it's so much. it's hours and hours of content. the first one was made when the two creators were like 10 or something so keep that in mind but it just gets better from there Inanimate Insanity [II] by AnimationEpic - tbh probably the most popular one right now??? at least from what i've seen. it's season 1 is even worse than BFDI's season 1 but it's current seasons... holy FUCK. HOLY /SHIT/. OH MY GODDD. also canon nonbinary character (tho a lot of the rest of its representation attempts are. not so great) Animated Inanimate Battle [AIB] by GatlingGroink57 - goofy funny but with a really good grasp on characters. Has like. 60 characters but each one managed to be memorable??? one of my favorites i love oodle SO MUCH ONE, or as it's often called, 'HfjONE' by Cheesy Hfj - very much NOT goofy funny. first show I watched. A very interesting (and upsetting) take on the expected format of an object show. its kind of hilarious this was my first one in retrospect it is not your usual object show Paper Puppets Take 2 [PPT2] by YellowAngiru - sooo fun and cool and creative... each episode has it's own unique intro + theme and there are some spooky plot things and drama and it's fun Sacriverse by Sacri - if you wanna watch this one you should use this playlist, this one is like. goofy funny but also analog horror and it's spread out along a bunch of videos and??? watching this playlist was an. experience. also it has HAPPY STAAAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a bunch more in a list I haven't watched yet and also a bunch more I likely haven't even heard of so this list is nowhere near end all be all. There's so much. There is. sooo much. god.

Also sorry to go back to Tesla after all that BUT if you like the Tesla entries there are more entries for other characters from that season and season 2 is happening rn so like... ooo you wanna join the server so bad and look at everybody's cool entries ooooooooo

OKAY that was a lot. Oh geez. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to talk abt this and I hope this was helpful somewhat??? ALSO anything said here could possibly be false bcuz I have only been here like. A month. A little over that. I'm still pretty new to it also. If you have any more questions I'd be happy to answer them.

[aceofvernons]

ult group question game

rules: answer the questions based on your ult group

i was tagged by the ever wonderful @momobani ty for the tag <333 i am. unfortunately guilty of being a solo stan so seventeen is my default ✌️😔

tagging @seokmins @junkissed-replies @nu-replies @minghao-s @caratonce @dalkyeom @chogiwapadada and anyone else who wants to do it!!!

who was your first bias?

it was s.coups! i still like him a lot (and i love all the other members don't worry), but i could never be as insane about him as some of my friends who are stans.

2. who is your bias now?

it's vernon. like, if you take 5 seconds to look at my blog, being INSANE about him is sort of (really) my brand LMAO

3. what was the first MV you watched from them?

ooh, that's a really good question. i'd have to say home;run? it's also the song that got me into seventeen in the first place, so it definitely has a close place in my heart <3

4. what's your favorite MV?

oh, now that's a REALLY good question. i think it's the one for oh my!, i love svt's darker concepts a lot but i tend to favor their cuter or lighter ones and it's so delightful as well.

5. if you could listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be?

i think it would be home? it's such a soft song and also interesting enough that i think it would keep me hooked. 6. who would you want to see them collab with?

*sweats in solo stan* i uh, do not know. i only listen to the music of other groups casually so i don't really know enough about other groups </333 7. what MV concept do you want to see them do?

i mentioned this before but i love the cuter/lighter ones they do! it would be so fun to see them do a playful one again, let them have fun with it and be the absolute chaos men they are <3

8. have you ever had a dream with any of the members in it?

oh this is hilarious because i do have a few from time to time, but most of them fade EXCEPT for one. i had a dream that i was fighting with mingyu for a pint of seventeen themed ice cream and you know, i was doing pretty good considering that this man is twice my size and is HELLA buff. it's a classic case of an immovable object (mingyu) vs an unstoppable force (me).

9. if you could spend a day with one member, who would it be and what would you do?

extremely predictable of me, but i'd love to hang out with vernon! just chat, hang out, get some food, i think he would he a really cool person to talk to. i'd love to get a better understanding of his perspective of the world, since we're both the kinds of people who like to broaden our horizons and understand other people more.

10. which member do you think you'd get along best with?

i think it would be hoshi!! his high energy would rub off on me and we would both be a pair of chaotic menaces with not a single brain cell between us <33

11. which member do you think you would argue with?

maybe not *argue* but someone i think i could see myself having fun banter with seungkwan, he really reminds me of my irl childhood best friend and we need to be the fruitiest people in the room or else (/j)

12. if you had to choose one member to scroll through your tumblr, who would it be?

yet another good question because i'm really a fairly private person and the thought of having one of them look through my blog makes me want to throw myself out a window. but! i'm letting minghao do it because he is the least likely to care. if he doesn't know me then he hopefully won't judge me too hard.

[rainy-weather-supremacy]

*I punch a hole into the wall, directly next to your head* OIIIIIII MEU AMIGOOO

What languages do your characters speak? Also, do they speak a second language?

Would the Kilmoore brothers still defeat them? Because I thought it was hilarious that ppl with eldritch powers are defeated by normal street gang. I think it’d be funny

What kind of horror is their story, exactly? Or none at all? Or horror and something else?

What would happen at a family gathering?

Why does Mary have a power? Who or what took interest in her?

You have to go somewhere. You have to trust one of your characters to take care of the cute little kitten you can’t take with you. Why?

Who is the most anxious?

How long until they’d go insane from hearing Tainted Love on repeat? (This is not a combat question. It absolutely isn’t you know-)

Who is most likely to acquire a highly cursed object without realizing it?

*I try to pull my hand out of the hole, but do not succeed in doing so, resulting in awkward silence*

*Shuffles my feet a bit before breaking the silence with a cough*

Um. A-Anyways.

Ough. You have found my secret weakness. They all speak english, I guess. Avery was also probably made to learn latin as a child and Granny speaks a language that no one even knows existed anymore. Mary and Daniel speak a bit of italian for a reason I... haven't invented yet. Leon speaks german and uses it to swear when adults are around. Tara and Mikaela probably also speak another language but I couldn't tell you which one. Camilla doesn't speak another language, I think, but she has the worst british accent in the world for no reason (except that I think it's funny).

Hold on, I'm gonna make a graph for this.

Special circumstances: Daniel could win inside and on dirt, Leon they could only touch if they were about to die (or if they used someone about to die as a cub?), Camilla they could defeat with gasoline. Actually Jamie should be there too, depending on how dark it is.

3. Honestly, it's probably some kind of romance/drama/comedy and the horror part is just there for fun.

4. If you're lucky, everyone bitches at each other for a bit and leaves again in the evening. On the other hand, there might be fights or full-on murder attempts which Jackson always has to be quick to diffuse before it gets completely out of control. No one has died, tough. ...not yet.

5. Well, where they're "originally" from, it's a power called the Vast. I mentioned it recently, it's the fear of storms, giant open spaces, heights, being insignificant, thalantassaphobia, stuff like that. I'm not sure how she got it's attention, probably because she has that mindset of "nothing really matters (anyone can see) so you might as well do what you like" that it's all about. I'd imagine it has to do with walking in a storm.

6. Jamie. He could shapeshift into a big cat and take care of them and he actually would. Plus he can share them with Daniel, who could absolutely use some kittens but could not take care of them. I might suddenly have one more when I get back, tough, so I would have to find out which is her.

7. Arthur

8. I can't believe you are making me listen to music. From the experiment I have conducted, 15-30.

9. Avery. She grew up in the kind of house where everything is really fancy and uninviting so another object that's cold and looks old wouldn't strike it as very odd.

*I try to pull you out of the hole but it doesn't work so I paint you white*

At least you fit in with the wall now...?

[qqueenofhades]

Ok wait what why is the FBI investigating the orange????

Well, you see, the thing is that Donald Trump has done literally so many crimes that when the news first broke, everyone was like "but in relation to which crime though?" It now has been confirmed that the raid was about the 15 boxes of top-secret documents that Trump stole from the White House and took to Mar-a-Lago with him. The salient points to appreciate are therefore these:

Federal law does not fuck around with the penalties for mishandling classified information and/or presidential records (all of which are required to be preserved and turned over to the National Archives, even if they aren't literal top-secret classified intelligence). If Trump is convicted of this, one of the penalties includes... being barred from holding federal office ever again. If it turns out that he was selling secrets to foreign actors, such as, say, Russia or Saudi Arabia, both of which the Trump crime family has close ties with, the penalty is LIFE IMPRISONMENT OR DEATH. As I said. Does not fuck around. Either way, Trumpie got (let us fucking hope) a lot of pain coming.

The amount of evidence that it takes for a federal judge to sign off on a warrant for a no-knock raid is... a lot. The same but for a FORMER PRESIDENT? Yeah. It's a lot.

This also required the personal approval of both AG Merrick Garland and FBI director Christopher Wray. Wray is a lifelong Republican appointed by... you guessed it, Trump, after he fired James Comey in an attempt to obstruct the Russia investigation.

Pause for sad trombone noise.

Also, this proves that Garland is in fact willing to authorize operations that target Trump directly, which means that, hopefully, he isn't afraid to charge Trump in connection with January 6.

The amount of right wing whining and crying about the pOlitciZeD jUsTICe dEpARtMenT!!!!1 is, predictably but depressingly, absolutely insane. Once again, consequences are something that are only supposed to happen to somebody else. Even if the guy in question literally tried to use the Justice Department to launch a coup to illegally stay in power and destroy American democracy. FAKE NEWS!!!

Objectively, "they even broke into my safe!" is absolutely fucking hilarious. As was the Anonymous Source (let's be real, probably Donnie Jr.) who complained that the FBI guys just grabbed boxes and documents without "going through them properly." WHAT DO YOU ORANGE FUCKFACE TWATWAFFLES THINK A RAID BY THE FBI ACTUALLY IS??? THAT THEY JUST STAND THERE AND ASK NICELY TO ONLY LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE WILLING TO SHOW THEM???

In conclusion, the "Lock Up Hillary Clinton For Mishandling Her Private Emails!!!" crowd suddenly isn't super fond of an ex-federal official getting locked up for mishandling top-secret documents.

Weird.

[tokillamockingbird427]

Random Headcanons: Keegan

List of random headcanons for my specialist boy. (As in autistic, not me calling him special. /J)

He shoots with his right eye, so his left eye looks perpetually squinty.

Cannot smile like a normal person. Forever lopsided because he straight up doesn't know how to because he almost never smiles.

I think I just like Keegan being asymmetrical all over tbh. Lad is lopsided.

Ambidextrous in the sense that he can shoot a rifle from either shoulder. Don't mistake this for him being able to write with both hands. He does prefer shooting off his right though. (See above.)

Also has that Blahaj shark plush from Ikea. (Hates the sweeds tho.)

Sharks. He loves sharks. They're his favorite animal.

Has a massive onesie that's a shark. He wears it during shark week and will drag someone (Usually Ajax.) into watching it with him. Has about a million facts about them memorized. He will tell you them.

Along the same lines, he was a dinosaur kid. There was a section in his elementary school library chock full of just dinosaur books. He was so obsessed they let him ditch the "One non-fiction, one-fiction." book for checkout and let him just get all dino books.

Again, similar lines: Big book nerd. Always has one on him, likes to read before and after missions because it calms him down.

Loves rock. Not the object but the genre. (Alt and classic.) Parents probably played Nirvana and ACDC driving him to and from school as a kid.

Enjoys country for the same reason, but the kind of country that has women plotting their husbands murders. (Which his mom listened to.)

Lady Gaga fan.

Pale as fuck which is funny because he lived in florida. Despises Hesh and Logan immunity to the sun because everytime he goes out he'll have one patch of skin he didn't cover with sunscreen and he burns too easily.

His fave outfit combo is a tight shirt and loose sweatpants. It's comfy. (And makes his butt+thighs look nice.)

Has a Deathhawk. (This is a newer one.) Braids it down to fit under his balaclava. It's technically out of regulation for being too long but Elias is entirely too much of a softie to force him to cut it. So long as it's kept back during missions he won't get after Keegan for it. Uses colored wax when he styles it up because he can't dye his hair. (Again, out of regulation.)

Very soft palms. He wears gloves on missions so there's never much a chance for them to get rough, even though they do have a handful (hah) of scars on the backs of his hands.

Also, impeccable nails. Likes to paint them. His hands just look really nice.

Cuddle monster. You get too close to him and he likes you? Boom. Pythoned. He will look so sad if he has to let go and the victim of his cuddles will feel bad.

#1 Love language is physical affection, which is very funny because he fucking despises PDA. If he likes someone he'll bare it, but he will be blushing the whole time.

Blushes everywhere. His whole face, the tips of his ears, the back of his neck, even his shoulders. It's also hella obvious because of the previously mentioned paleness.

Has bad survivors guilt from Sand Viper. Gets compounded over the years because being a Ghost is pretty dangerous. (More of them would die or be injured.)

Looks up to Elias and Rorke as mentor/father figures.

Lots of sisters. Only had one baby sister but three who were all older than him.

Really wanted a brother though so he enlists himself as Hesh's big brother after the pyramid/the beach. (Mostly by accident.) Now incredibly protective of him.

Little weasel monster after Sand Viper because he's unpacking all that trauma, but he decompresses over the years and mellows out. Still has his bat-shit insane moments though. (*cough* Truck at the stadium. *cough*)

Hates his call sign and does everything to get people not to use it. Most don't but Adonis does because the little shit finds it hilarious to dick with poor "Scout." (Ajax also uses it but Keegan gives him a freepass to do pretty much anything he wants lmao.)

Thick in thigh, thick in the waist Thick in the right motherfuckin' places

[dangermousie]

Mousie’s absolutely subjective, very biased Top 10 web novels list

Please note that this is hardly aiming to be objective, if one can even be properly objective about a work of fiction. It is 110% based on my preferences, which means this list is heavy on the angst and has nothing set in the modern day. It is also heavily danmei-centric, even though I read way more het romance than danmei, because for whatever reason, most of the danmei I’ve read has been insanely good.

10. Return of the Swallow - one of the two non-danmeis on this list. Smart and nuanced and with a large cast of characters. Our heroine is a long-lost daughter of the family that is brought back in and has to cope with familial struggles, crazy royals, court intrigue, invasion et al. It’s SO GOOD! There is romance with the sexy smart enemy general but honestly, it’s the heroine that is the main selling point for me.

9. Transmigrator Meets Reincarnator - the only other non-danmei novel on this list, this was my very first web novel and what drew me into this insanity. This is just a ton of fun, probably the lightest novel on this list, not an ounce of angst to be found. But it’s hilarious and features competent heroine and tsundere hero and I will always love it for opening a new world to me. Anyway, our heroine transmigrates into the novel as the female lead. Unlike the original lead though she doesn’t want to seek adventures and angst - she just wants to comfortably live with the wealthy, nice husband heroine has. Alas, said husband is no longer nice since he has previously lived this story where he was betrayed by FL and then transmigrated/reincarnated into the past. Oh well, the heroine opens up businesses and makes friends. And eventually, her husband realizes his wife is way different this time around. This actually doesn’t have much romance, not until close to the end, but this is so fun I don’t care.

8. Lord Seventh - I am only partway through this so far, but it’s already on the list because it’s smart and somehow intense AND laid-back (not sure how this works, but it does) and is honestly just a really really solid and smart period novel, with the OTP a cherry on top of a narrative sundae. Plus, I love the concept of MC deciding he is not going for his supposedly fated love - he’s tried for six lifetimes, always with disaster, and he’s just plain done and tired. When he opens his life in his seventh reincarnation and sees the person he would have given up the world for, he genuinely feels nothing at all. (Spoiler - his OTP is actually a barbarian shaman this time around, thank you Lord!)

7. Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (MDZS) - oh come on, how are you even on this tumblr if you don’t know MDZS/The Untamed? This was my very first danmei and it’s so much fun! I love everything about it - the unreliable narrator, the looping structure, the main OTP, Wei Wuxian’s laidback, traumatized insouciance, everything. Anyway, the plot in the event you somehow transported here from 2005 is that the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, Wei Wuxian, was defeated by the righteous sects over a decade ago and fell of a cliff to his death. Only now that same Wei Wuxian opens his eyes in another body and everything that was supposed to stay in the past starts again.

6. Heaven Official’s Blessing (TGCF) - people either love its meandering narrative, picaresque structure and cast of thousands, or find it a detriment compared to much more compact MDZS. I love it even more than MDZS for those very qualities. It does have a rock-solid, darling OTP, but what really elevates it to me are the MXTX trademark combo of snarky/light tone hiding a ton of trauma underneath, the insanely intricate world-building, and what it has to say about the nature of grace and goodness. Xie Lian is one of my top 5 web novel characters and probably in top 10 from anywhere. Oh, and while MXTX’s stuff is not as angsty for me as Meatbun’s or even Priest’s, there are always exceptions, and there is one chapter in this novel that pretty much broke me and sometimes I still flashback to it and feel unwell.

Anyway, what is it about? There is a commotion in the heavenly realm - Xie Lian, the Crown Prince of a long-destroyed kingdom, has ascended to Godhood. That in itself is not so exciting. However for Xie Lian this is the third time (!!!!) as he’s ascended and lost his godhood twice prior. And now, the biggest joke of the divine realm is back, throwing the heavenly realm into chaos. And elsewhere, Hua Cheng, one of the four most powerful demons of that Universe, sits up and takes notice.

5. Golden Stage - my perfect comfort novel. Probably the least angsty of any danmei novel on this list (which still means plenty angsty :P) It also has a dedicated, smart OTP that is an OTP for the bulk of the book - I think you will notice that in most of the novels in this list, I go for “OTP against the world” trope - I can’t stand love triangles and the same. Anyway, Fu Shen, is a famous general whose fame is making the emperor antsy. When he gets injured and can’t walk any more, the emperor gladly recalls him and marries him off to his most faithful court lackey, the head of sort of secret police, Yan Xiaohan. The emperor intends it both as a check on the general and a general spite move since the two men always clash in court whenever they meet. But not all is at is seems. They used to be friends a long time ago, had a falling out, and one of the loveliest parts of the novel is them finding their way to each other, but there is also finding the middle path between their two very different philosophies and ways of being, not to mention solving a conspiracy or dozen, and putting a new dynasty on the throne, among other things. It always makes me think, a little, of “if Mei Changsu x Jingyan were canon.”

4. Sha Po Lang - if you like a lot of fantasy politics and world-building and steampunk with your novels, this one is for you. This one is VERY plot-heavy with smart, dedicated characters and a deconstruction of many traditional virtues - our protagonist Chang Geng, a long-lost son of the Emperor, is someone who wants to modernize the country but also take down the current emperor his brother for progress’ sake and the person he’s in love with is the general who saved him when he was a kid who is nominally his foster father. Anyway, the romance is mainly a garnish in this one, not even a big side dish, but the relationship between two smart, dedicated, deadly individuals with very different concepts of duty is fascinating long before it turns romantic. And if you like angst, while overall it’s not as angsty as e.g., Meatbun stuff, Chang Geng’s childhood is the stuff of nightmares and probably freaks me out more than anything else in any novel on this list, 2ha included.

3. To Rule In a Turbulent World (LSWW) - gay Minglan. No seriously. This is how I think of it. it’s a slice of life period novel with fascinating characters and setting that happens to have a gay OTP, not a romance in a period setting per se and I always prefer stories where the romance is not the only thing that is going on. It’s meticulously written and smart and deals with character development and somehow makes daily minutia fascinating. Our protagonist, You Miao, is the son of a fabulously wealthy merchant, sent to the capital to make connections and study. As the story starts, he sees his friend’s servants beating someone to death, feels bad, and buys him because, as we discover gradually and organically, You Miao may be wealthy and occasionally immature but he is a genuinely good person. The person he buys is a barbarian from beyond the wall, named Li Zhifeng. It’s touch and go if the man will survive but eventually he does and You Miao, who by then has to return home, gives him his papers and lets him go. However, LZF decides to stick with You Miao instead, both out of sense of debt for YM saving his life and because he genuinely likes him (and yet, there is no instalove on either of their parts, their bodies have fun a lot quicker than their souls.) Anyway, the two take up farming, get involved in the imperial exams and it’s the life of prosperity and peace, until an invasion happens and things go rapidly to hell. This is so nuanced, so smart (smart people in this actually ARE!) and has secondary characters who are just as complex as the mains (for example, I ended up adoring YM’s friend, the one who starts the plot by almost beating LZF to death for no reason) because the novel never forgets that few people are all villain. There is a lovely character arc or two - watching YM grow up and LZF thaw - there is the fact that You Miao is a unicorn in web novels being laid back and calm. This whole thing is a masterpiece.

2. Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - want the emotional hit of 2ha but want to read something half its length? Well, the author of 2ha is here to eviscerate you in a shorter amount of time. This has the beautiful world-building, plot twists that all make sense and, at the center of it all, an intense and all-consuming and gloriously painful relationship between two generals - one aristocratic loner Mo Xi, and the other gregarious former slave general Gu Mang. Once they were best friends and lovers, but when the novel starts, Gu Mang has long turned traitor and went to serve the enemy kingdom and has now been returned and Mo Xi, who now commands the remnants of his slave army, has to cope with the fact that he has never been able to get over the man who stabbed him through the heart. Literally. This novel has a gorgeously looping structure, with flashbacks interwoven into present storyline. There is so much love and longing and sacrifice in this that I am tearing up a bit just thinking of it. If you don’t love Mo Xi and Gu Mang, separately and together, by the end of it, you have no soul.

1. The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha/erha) - if you’ve been following my tumblr for more than a hot second, you know my obsession with this novel. Honestly, even if I were to make a list of my top 10 novels of any kind, not just webnovels, this would be on the list. It has everything I want - a complicated, intricate plot with an insane amount of plot twists, all of which are both unexpected and make total sense, a rich and large cast of characters, a truly epic OTP that makes me bawl, emotional intensity that sometimes maxes even me out and so much character nuance and growth. Also, Moran is my favorite web novel character ever, hands down.

Anyway, the plot (or at least the way it first appears) is that the evil emperor of the cultivation world, Taxian Jun, kills himself at 32 and wakes up in the body of his 16 year old self, birth name Moran. Excited to get a redo, Moran wants to save his supposed true love Shimei, whose death the last go-around pushed him towards evil. He also wants to avoid entanglement with Chu Wanning, his shizun and sworn enemy in past life. And that’s all you are best off knowing, trust me. The only hint I am going to give is oooh boy the mother of all unreliable narrators has arrived!

The novel starts light and funny on boil the frog principle - if someone told me I would be full bawling multiple times with this novel, I’d have thought they were insane, but i swear my eyes hurt by the end of it. I started out being amused and/or disliking the mains and by the end I would die for either of them.