#which means. rereading! and reminding myself of what all has happened.

[orcelito]

I've been rereading ladue again and I think this time for Real this time. I will finally finish up that chapter 3 for it.

There aren't that many people who are invested in it and I have been taking FAR too long between chapters to update it. But it's my little self indulgent band au 🥺🥺🥺 so I think I'll always inevitably end up going back to it.

Libero a Due my beloved... I will continue you soon.

[darkestcorners]

Hi guys👋🏼….It’s been a while hasn’t it? ( like 2 years give or take heh)

I want to start off by saying that I am in fact alive and yes, I WILL be finishing Polarity. If anyone still cares about it I hope? 🤞🏼 fingers crossed. I know it’s been so long and I’m sure lots of you have lost interest and I completely understand trust me, I did end up committing the old carnal fanfic author sin of falling off the face of the earth after leaving y’all with a cliffhanger 🙂‍↔️

But I just want to let y’all know that an update is coming this week! As for why I’ve been gone, to keep it short and simple, I went through something really traumatizing and I really didn’t have the headspace for anything other than getting myself together and my job . I quite literally haven’t logged into this account since 2 years ago. I’m overwhelmed by the amount of messages you guys have sent me and I’m in awe of how many of you have expressed your love for my works. I have been reading through them all day and I’m still close to being finished heh, it reminded me of how much I’ve missed your messages. ❤️

I want to also apologize to all of those who were genuinely concerned about me, I hope you can understand I didn’t mean to leave you hanging like that. I appreciate all the sweet messages you have sent me, I will try to reply to as much as I can. So much has happened, I had to reread my own work because of how much of a blur my life had become and how even this site felt like a fever dream. But I am also working on a new fic, which was what pushed me to ultimately come back and pick up this hobby that I had not even thought I would be able to fully enjoy again. I have such great timing dont I? considering it’s coincidentally Jungkook’s birthday lol.

But anyways, I won’t bore you anymore. Thank you all so much for being here and enjoying my stories. Hopefully you can enjoy the upcoming update of Polarity ! :) ❤️❤️

[reythenerdypisces]

things that I overlooked in PJO the first time / small, funny things I noticed during my reread

Part 2: Sea of Monsters

there is a lot this time.

this book is so short and it makes up for the length by being hilarious: 

I had nightmares about what Poseidon might turn me into if I were ever on the verge of death - plankton, maybe. Or a floating patch of kelp.

Tyson froze. "Pony!" he cried in total rapture. Chiron turned looking offended. "I beg your pardon?" 

"Um..." I said. "Would this be the super-dangerous prophecy that has me in it, but the gods have forbidden you to tell me about it? Nobody answered. "Right," I muttered. "Just checking." 

"Uh, I like Hercules." "Why?" "Well, because he had rotten luck. Even worse than mine. It makes me feel better."

Annabeth looked at me. "We have to get out of here." "You think I want to be in the girls' restroom?" "I mean the ship, Percy! We have to get off the ship."

Tyson was terrified of them. All throughout the tour, he insisted Annabeth hold his hand, which she didn't look too thrilled about.

"Then why do the gods even let me live? It would be safer to kill me." "You're right." "Thanks a lot." 

A minute later, Annabeth hit a slippery patch of moss and her foot slipped. Fortunately, she found something else to put it against. Unfortunately, that something was my face. 

As Luke was raising his sword to rally his troops, a centaur shot a custom-made arrow with a leather boxing glove on the end. It smacked Luke in the face and sent him crashing into the swimming pool. and a few moments later: He [Luke] raised his sword, but got smacked in the face with another boxing glove arrow, and sat down hard in a deck chair. Luke can't catch a break from those boxing arrows, it's the funniest thing

2. also so much baby percabeth!! they’re so cute

She'd [Annabeth] emailed me the picture after spring break, and every once in a while I'd look at it just to remind myself she was real and Camp Half-Blood hadn't just been in my imagination. the fact that he printed out Annabeth's photo? 

Annabeth punched him in the nose and knocked him flat, "And you," she told him, "lay off my friend." her standing up for Percy is adorable

I mean she [Annabeth] looked good. Really good. I probably would've been tongue-tied if I could say anything except reet, reet, reet.

She [Annabeth] started to sob - I mean horrible, heartbroken sobbing. She put her head on my shoulder and I held her. Fish gathered to look at us - a school of barracudas, some curious marlins. Scram! I told them. They swam off, but I could tell they went reluctantly. I swear I understood their intentions. They were about to start rumours flying around the sea about the son of Poseidon and some girl at the bottom of Siren Bay. number 1. the way percy is always there for her, number 2. the gossiping fish?? I love it

The look in his [Grover] eyes told me something was terribly wrong. Annabeth had been on guard duty that night, protecting the Fleece. If something had happened -he’s admirably protective, of not just annabeth, but all his friends and I love to see it… exhibit b:

"But if I [Grover] get in trouble again, you'll be in danger, Percy! You could die!" "If you get in trouble again, I want to know about it. And I'll come help you again G-man. I wouldn't have it any other way." I adore their friendship.

3. other mentions: 

"I'm Thalia," the girl said. "Daughter of Zeus." what. an. ending. I still remember how floored I was when I first read this wow

the mention of Hylla got me so excited

am I the only one who forgot Percy could control the sailboat? like the flying ropes and whatnot

I also completely forgot about his watch shield! 

I'll be back for part 3 shortly! :)

[drdemonprince]

autistic anon here again, thanks for fielding my question, you're a real one for not all toxic positivity on it. i guess i should've formulated things better, because i didn't mean to imply being completely wrapped up in decision paralysis to the point of doing nothing. that's a mental hurdle i've cleared a long time ago, so shit gets done. i have a few emails sitting in my inbox of fundraisers i helped with that closed out, and it;s making me emotional just thinking about it.

there's a weird disconnect between knowing that you're just one person (and that's something i actually like, i'm no-one special, that's a very freeing thought), and fully feeling it. because somewhere there's always a nagging worry i could do more. as true as it is, reminding yourself you're doing what you can feels like a convenient self-soothing lie when you're in the pit of a bad night. probably the calvinist whispering poisons in your ear. (being afraid of falling in the trap of slacktivism or just reposting everything as a signal boost and patting myself on the back for a job well done, amongst them. which is BS, but knowing isn't believing.)

i mentioned the autistic part for a reason, because community is something i've never quite experienced and only understand in the abstract. like those fundraisers i helped with many, many other people, that's a community effort and i'm proud i could contribute my little bit. translating that to in-person efforts has been a big ??? though. it's not very parseable or approachable to me.

i hadn't quite grokked this as all being part of shame, i have your book sitting here and have read it a while, probably should reread it.

Hey, thanks for writing back! I hear from people of all levels of engagement, from having never done anything to like dedicated black bloc hard core mother fuckers so it's hard to gauge from a single message what someone's particular situation is.

It sounds like you are already doing a ton, choosing actions to take, following through on them, reflecting on the impact of your tactics, and then regrouping to do more and to try things differently where you can. Yet you still feel like shit sometimes and as if you're not doing enough. What to do about those feelings?

Well. Consider those feelings aren't a problem you have to fix. They're just a thing that will happen. Because of cultural conditioning and endless exposure to alarming messages and imagery online they're just gonna come up. Those feelings can just exist while you keep doing the damn thing.

You've already got your behavior on lock. You're doing what you can and not succumbing to choice paralysis. You're hopefully not burning yourself out. It doesn't sound like anything needs to change, maybe other than you not consuming too much online bullshit that's making you feel even more guilty needlessly.

You say: "there's a weird disconnect between knowing that you're just one person (and that's something i actually like, i'm no-one special, that's a very freeing thought), and fully feeling it."

Yeah, you might not ever fully feel it. As long as you keep acting like it's true, you're good imo.

i feel like the most evil selfish unlovable human being alive most days. it doesn't really matter that i do. it sucks, but that's just a fact of how my life has been. i can keep picking myself up and doing what i have decided is right for me to do anyway. i do what i can to avoid triggers that make that feeling worse, so that it doesn't become a barrier to action, but otherwise i just... keep on living, with terrible emotions and terrible thoughts. and i focus on my actions.

As for the community piece, I hear you, it's really fucking hard. I think it's very humbling work that is so worth doing though. Often it involves showing up to the work that a group is doing and living with the fact that you won't know what the fuck is going on and looking inept for a while. it's a necessary distress tolerance building exercise, getting more comfortable with just being there and rearranging the chairs and setting up the food and feeling like a dumbass who has nothing to contribute.

being able to sit with those feelings and keep showing up and not having an ego about it is enough to earn a lot of trust and foster deeper connections, I find. so many people fail to be able to even do that in most organizing/activist/volunteering spaces. I understand it feels mortifying but it is another one of those situations of getting over oneself in a way that's ultimately so freeing and beautiful. when you can accept that people want you around even if you never have anything to say and do nothing but bring paper cups and take out the trash. it's a real object lesson in how not being all that important can be a wonderful thing and make it possible for us to find love and acceptance.

[timeofjuly]

I’ve been too scared to reread rtc to work out what needs to happen in chapter 13 because I convinced myself that the whole fic is a flaming pile of cringey flimsy garbage, but ya know what, I finally gathered the courage to (skim) read it and it’s not as bad as I thought lol. My interpretation and understanding of the characters has changed a lot since I started writing it (thank you to all of the extraordinarily talented writers in this fandom whose works have since shaped my characterisation for the better) so if I could go back, I’d make some different choices. But - and this is me putting this into words in an attempt to convince myself of its truth - this is a hobby, not a test. I’m not a failure because I’m not retroactively meeting the standards I have for my writing today with words I wrote six months ago. Are there bits of clumsy writing and mischaracterisation? Yes, absolutely. Does that mean I’m a bad writer and a bad person who should throw their laptop out the window and never write another word again? Probably not lol, even if rereading that mischaracterisation makes me want to do exactly that.

I’m glad I’ve pulled the bandaid off and reread it, a) because I kinda know what I want to happen in the next chapter now and b) because rereading it, despite the Shame and Embarrassment, reminded me that I actually like writing rtc. Even the bits I cringe at now - I remember having fun writing them. And then I looked back at some comments and remembered how much I love the sense of community that comes with putting myself out there, even though being perceived by others is probably my biggest fear. I like writing, and I like sharing my writing. Why am I letting shame ruin this for myself? I want to stop feeling icky and embarrassed about things I worked hard on.

Anyway. All this to say: I like writing rtc, despite the flaws I see in it, so I need to learn to work through my learned response to imperfection, which is to just feel terrible about it lol. I’m going to start messing around with chapter 13 soon. I really do miss playing around in the rtc world and I’m so excited to show you all what I have planned for the characters <3

[ofduskanddreams]

On Eris Vanserra

Let me say that I would much rather put my time and energy into writing my fic (you know--the thing that brings me joy and is the reason I'm here in the first place), but the selective comprehension in this fandom has seriously been grating on me.

Now, before anyone gets butthurt, I'm not here to tell you that you have to like Eris or think he's a good person. Whether you do or don't is totally your choice. What you believe, what you want to believe--that is your decision. I'm not here to invalidate anyone's opinion or the choices they make based on their personal experiences and feelings. I'm here to articulate the facts as Ms. Maas has written them, because I think there's some unecessary confusion going around.

Let's just get another thing out of the way now: I like Eris, I acknowledge that this makes me predisposed to bias. I will also tell you that I didn't like him at all when I first read the series, but several deep rereads since have enhanced my comprehension and altered my opinion--that is why I'm here.

Today I will be discussing the misconception that Eris had any direct involvement in the brutalization inflicted upon Mor by her family, by which I mean the act of driving nails into her womb. There's no question that Mor was significantly traumatized by his actions (and inaction) and none of the discourse to follow excuses anything Eris did, I'm just trying to complicate the conversation.

This is the point where I remind you that you have the choice to ignore this post and peacefully keep scrolling should you not want to hear what I'm about to say.

Cool? Great. Let's move on.

I'm going to lay out the textual evidence in the order it appears in the series, and then we can talk about it. All italics appear as they do in the text, except for Mor's flashback. I will be making some parts bold for clarity. All page numbers are referring to the kindle versions of the books.

ACOMAF

Chapter 41, page 397 Rhys is explaining Mor and Eris's former betrothal to Feyre.

"Her family... they... " I'd never seen him at such a loss for words. Rhys cleared his throat. "When they were done, they dumped her on the Autumn Border, with a note nailed to her body that said she was Eris's problem."

Chapter 44, page 431 at the starfall party, Morrigan is talking to Feyre about the time she slept with Cassian.

"He [Rhys] and Cassian... I've never seen them fight like that. Hopefully I never will again. I know that Rhys wasn't pissed about my virginity, but rather the danger that losing it had put me in. Azriel was even angrier about it--though he let Rhys do the walloping. They knew what my family would do for debasing myself with a bastard-born lesser faerie." She brushed a hand over her abdomen, as if she could feel that nail they'd spiked through it. "They were right."

ACOWAR

Chapter Twenty-Six, pages 275-276 Azriel, Rhys, Mor, and Feyre are meeting with Eris in the Hewn City.

Eris looked between them [Azriel and Mor], smiling faintly. Secretly. As if he knew something Azriel didn't. "I wouldn't have touched you," he said to Mor, who blanched again. "But when you fucked that other bastard--" A snarl ripped from Rhys's throat at that. And my own. "I knew why you did it." Again that secret smile that had Mor shrinking. Shrinking. "So I gave you your freedom, ending the betrothal in no uncertain terms."

"And what happened next," Azriel growled [referring to Eris leaving Mor where he found her].

A shadow crossed Eris's face. "There are few things I regret. That it one of them. But... perhaps one day, now that we are allies, I shall tell you why. What it cost me."

ACOFAS

Chapter Six, pages 59-60 Mor's pov, a flashback to the day her family dumped her on the border.

"No one touches her," he said. Eris. "The moment we do, she's our responsbility."

Cold, unfeeling words.

"But--but they nailed a--"

"No one touches her."

Nailed.

They had spiked nails into her.

Had pinned her down as she screamed, pinned her down as she roared at them, then begged them. And then they had taken out those long, brutal iron nails. And the hammer.

Three of them.

Three strikes of the hammer, drowned out by her screaming, but the pain.

She began shaking, hating it as much as she'd hated the begging. Her body bellowed in agony, those nails in her abdomen relentless.

A pale, beautiful face apeared above her, blocking out the jewel-like leaves above. Unmoved. Impassive. "I take it you do not wish to live here, Morrigan."

She would rather die here, bleed out here. She would would rather die and return--return as something wicked and cruel, and shred them all apart.

He must have read it in her eyes. A small smile curved his lips. "I thought so."

ACOSF

Chapter Seven, page 83 Cassian's thoughts about the alliance with Eris.

No, Eris was their ally. Rhys had bargained with him, worked with him. Rhys trusted him. Mor, despite all that had happened, trusted him. Sort of. So Cassian supposed he should do so as well.

Chapter Fourteen, page 164 Cassian, Rhys and Eris meeting in Spring.

"You left her there to suffer and die," Cassian spat. His Siphons flickered, and all he could see was the male's pretty face, all he could feel was his own fist, aching to make contact.

Eris sneered. "Did I? Perhaps you should ask Morrigan whether that is true. I think she finally knows the answer."

Chapter Fifty-Seven, pages 588-589 Eris is dancing with Nesta in the Hewn City. (Not as direct of a relation, but this is one of the few times we actually get some insight from Eris' perspective.)

Eris spun her, and when she returned to him, he murmured in her ear, "Don't believe the lies they tell you about me."

She pulled back just enough to meet his gaze. "Oh?"

Eris nodded to where Mor watched them from beside Feyre and Rhys, her face neutral and aloof. "She knows the truth but has never revealed it."

"Why?"

"Because she is afraid of it."

"You don't win yourself any favors with your behavior."

"Don't I? Do I not ally myself with this court under constant threat of being discovered and killed by my father? Do I not offer aid whenever Rhysand wishes?" He spun her again. "They believe a version of events that is easier to swallow. I always thought Rhysand wiser than that, but he tends to be blind where those he loves are concerned."

Alright class. What have we learned? That it was Morrigan's family who brutalized her before they dumped her on the Autumn border. Look back at that first ACOSF quote. Do you really think that if Eris was party to the initial physical brutalization of Mor she would ever trust him in the least? Hell no. That is point number one.

Secondly, we know that Eris was aware of the fact that Mor did not wish to marry him. When he found out that she'd slept with Cassian he "ended the betrothal in no uncertain terms." The note her family nailed to her called her Eris's problem. Eris (surrounded by 5 other soldiers whom, I want to point out, may or may not have been loyal to him as opposed to his father--the father that's tortured him and he fears will murder him if he steps out of line publicly) knew that they couldn't touch her or she would become their responsibility. He already knows Mor doesn't want to be in Autumn and yet he asks her again before he leaves. From my perspective it seems like Eris has no good options, but that doesn't excuse the harm his choices caused. At least he eventually admits that he regrets this.

From the canon text, it is quite clear that SJM is hinting at another reason for the way everything went down. Multiple times she brings up this "truth," this reason which Morrigan has finally become aware of yet keeps to herself. I don't know what SJM is referring to, maybe we'll find out in later books. But it's mentioned frequently enough to suggest that things are more complicated than the IC believes.

I hope you don't take my saying any of this to mean that I think Eris leaving Mor at the border was okay. As Nesta so aptly put it, Eris doesn't win himself any favors with his behavior in canon. I'm not arguing against that. I personally like Eris for his moral grayness, his asshole-itude, the mystery of him, but everyone has different taste. I am saying that we shouldn't ignore what's written in canon.

I also want to point out that the vast majority of what we canonically know about Eris Vanserra is coming from the point of view of Rhys, Feyre, Mor, Cassian, Nesta, and Azriel meaning that information is inherently biased against him. The series is written in first person/ close third-person meaning that the character whose POV is being written carries their prejudices into their narrative. I'm suggesting that we acknowledge this and maybe try interpreting things with a grain of salt if you're open to it.

Finally, I suggest taking a quick look at Chapter 79 of ACOSF, it's only five pages and Cassian makes some fascinating points.

If you want to discuss this further, my asks are always open and please feel free to reblog/reply as well. If you disagree with something that I've said, let's talk about it. As long as things remain respectful, I'm more than happy to have conversations and hear other perspectives :)

[knotwerk]

holy shit i fucking love editing. (remind me i said that in two weeks.) 

i’m working on the proper hydration series finale aka PH6. i finished writing the first draft on 4/6/24, clocking in at 85k words. and then i sat on it for a few days before rereading it, did an extremely cursory once-over edit, and sent it off to my first reader & og beta @demolitionwoman-blog (CHEERS!!!). she started working on the beta, and by the time she hit chapter 3, she made the observation that the next step in the editing process for this might not be a typical beta read, but a structure/development read, and maybe a reverse outline would be a good next step. 

and i was like, i have never heard of a reverse outline. like, i have never heard of most things, really; i just started writing fiction in fucking august 2022 and am having a FUCKING BALL learning by doing. so i googled reverse outline, read the top three hits lol, and was like OH FUCK YES. 

because i do not Outline-outline when i write. all respect to those who do!!!!!, but i just Can Not. i have tried, and i get both daunted and bored, and that combo is like fucking kryptonite to my brain. for a longer piece (or a piece that doesn’t just burst out of my fingertips in response to a gifset or bts drop or tweet or gc comment 😅), i do make a sort of vibes outline. like, i open a fresh doc and splort down all the themey ideas i’m able to put words to at that point, and i make notes on whatever beats have already formed in my head, but it’s loose and sketchy at best. and then i write and see what happens as the story unfolds, and i go back to that notes doc to sort of talk to myself about it, to update the vibe outline as i get further in my draft, etc. 

but PH6 is the longest & most complex thing i’ve written yet, so by the time i got to the end of the first draft—by the time i’d put the whole story into words—i was like, oh my god, what is this. like, has this done the thing i wanted to do, per my vibe outline, and also, what did it actually do, and is it legible (whatever that means; like far be it from me to tell the reader what they should get out of something, but, generally speaking, is it cohesive.). now that i have told the story, like… what the fuck is the story about please, and does it "work." 

so i “finished” my reverse outline yesterday and omfg it’s helping so much and it’s SO EXCITING!!!! LIKE, THIS IS HELPING ME WRAP MY MIND AROUND THE THING I DID, SO I AM BETTER ABLE TO SEE WHAT I AM TRYING TO DO!!!! AND I CAN WORK WITH THAT!!!!!

it’s like i had a bunch of kittens scrambling around in my brain and while i was writing i was like 'oh i love these kittens so much, and i really hope this story herds these kittens effectively so they slow down just enough that people can really see their cute little faces (including me, i am people)' and then i finished the first draft and was like 'ahhh did the story herd the kittens??? i can't tell, they're still moving too fast in my brain' and then the reverse outline showed up and was like I COME BEARING TUNA AND FIFTEEN CARDBOARD BOXES and now i can see the kittens better. 

and then! i slept on it last night, and this morning my brain was like, “oh, here, why don’t i just efficiently articulate the vibes and arrange them in a tidy visual diagram that reveals how they all flow through the story for you?” WHEE!!

and then i got so excited that i had to put it down and write all this instead of working on it further 

(this, which could probably use its own reverse outline lmao)

like, i’m reading Mary Ruefle’s Madness, Rack, and Honey, which is a book of collected lectures that i cannot stop screaming about and that slaps so hard i keep having to throw it across the room, and just the other day i read, in the chapter “On Secrets,” 

I used to think I wrote because there was something I wanted to say. Then I thought, “I will continue to write because I have not yet said what I wanted to say”; but I know now I continue to write because I have not yet heard what I have been listening to.

and i think the reverse outline is helping me hear it a little better, and that is fucking exciting.

[hrhmiat]

Fun Fact:

I have been a fan of the Princess Diaries books since the second book was released in the summer of 2001. I read each book as it came out until book six, which is when school and extracurricular activities became super duper busy. However, as busy as I was, I always bought the latest book, thinking I'd catch up one of these days. Once the 10th book came out, I told myself I had to re-read all the books because I couldn't really remember what happened. But I never did. By the time the 11th book came out in 2015 (I think I just stumbled upon it by accident when I was in the bookstore when it came out!) I told myself I really needed to re-read and actually FINISH reading my favorite series. Well, that didn't happen. I didn't finish the series until 2022. It had been sitting on my shelf for a good 10 years, always on the back of my mind to finish. I am so grateful I did! (Although I wish I had during lockdown since it seemed like everyone was reading it or rereading it) oh well! There are many things I wish I had done during lockdown, but I have to keep reminding myself that my time wasn't wasted since I sewed over 300 masks for people when no one could get masks at the time. In the end, it was worth the wait! I still love this series so much! Now I'm thinking about it. I sorta did this with Harry Potter as well. When the 7th book came out, I lost my place 2/3 of the way, and I was worried I'd read something that would spoil me, so instead of just back reading a little bit, I set it aside and didn't pick it up for TWO YEARS!!!! (I honestly don't know what I was thinking.... I mean I do... I just didn't want my childhood book to end.) I'm amazed I was never spoiled, but then again, it was a different time back then, too. I'm extremely happy Meg Cabot spoiled all of us with another book last year. I hope that she continues to update us on Mia's life in the future. It's good to know she still cares about the series and has gifted us with two extra books after the series ended.

[claudiajcregg]

Tell Other People About Your WIPs

make a list of all your WIPs with a brief description of each and then people can ask you questions about them and then tag other people.

Tagged by both @onekisstotakewithme and @miabicicletta 💜💜💜 Thank you, guys <3 I don't know who to tag that hasn't been tagged already. Interested? Tag, you're it! :) (Please do know that there are no set sections. Pick whatever you want. I went the deranged route.)

I have an outdated WIP list, and many others unaccounted for. This is just a selection of stuff I could see myself posting or editing/retooling to write something new. I love talking about my WIPs, about as much as I hate being perceived because they are not remotely interesting. (I also love knowing which ones people are interested in! I have an incentive to work on them!) (Instead of snippets, part of my feedback loop is sending actual rough drafts to get a sense of whether it's worth working on more.)

Multichapters, different levels of completion.

S5 Pregnancy AU. My main WIP. Can you believe I’ve had this idea for a year… almost to the day? I’ve been stuck since November bc I don’t know how I want this one to end, beyond a birth. (As I’ve mentioned in the past, I feel like this has legs to become a fluffy universe. I have ideas! Timelines!) Gist of it: CJ gets pregnant circa Zooey's kidnapping. How does it change S5? It's less angsty than you think.

Campaign bars, aka campaign conversations sometimes happened at bars in the 1998 campaign. Fun stuff. I need to pick it right back.

What Once Was Ours or the IM AU (2021), aka IM ends with a breakup. Not a WIP. Not a UFO. A secret third thing. (“Finished” but not edited, and I’m doubtful people would be interested. Probably bc of some bittersweet ~memories~ attached to it. I mean, I shared a third of it to discord and people couldn’t care less, at least after a while. Now, better IM AUs are being posted these days; I'm not in a rush.) 33 chapters. 150k words. I do reread it every once in a while, and I cannot put it down. But its 'age' takes me aback. If things had been different, I'd have posted this in H2 2021/Q1 2022 (or even the planned Q2-3 2021). But alas.

The “Almost Ready, question mark” Category

Another SVD prompt meme claim: what if CJ has the crush first. The thing is, I tend to write her as having a relatively obvious crush on him at first until something makes her wise up. So this is just some ridiculous, post-first-meeting thoughts. Most of it was written in one sitting! It kinda fits with something in the campaign bars fic, too.

Post birth, hospital story: A couple of hours after their bb girl is born. Pure fluff. Recently reworked it to make it less wordy. Still failed, but it’s better focused now.

Many ficlets – the few I did post on Tumblr that haven’t been posted to the story I’m collecting them in, plus a couple more. I'm thinking the ice skating one, Jan 22, a few post-eps I wrote last year, etc.

Ambitious Projects I don't think are happening right away (or ever), but probably have a detailed outline somewhere

(I put this up instead of last, because the next category has faves, but it's also a long one.)

Danny is back a bit earlier on s7. Toby leaks (or tries to leak? I always wavered) the shuttle to him, as he and CJ are getting closer.

Simon lives. How does his relationship with CJ evolve post-honeymoon phase? What is it like when Danny returns?

You’ve got mail AU. This outline had two ways the climax could go. I had fun.

Epistolary collab (?) fic. Probably an X + 1 fic. The only one with nothing written; don’t rule out writing it individually at some point.

And because this is so long already (but not as long as it could be)… A few more under the cut – more "I just want to make sure I like them" and "this meme reminded me I meant to pick those back up." And they are still not all. (How do you summarize seven years of writing?? I've only posted 20-something of them, lol.)

“Almost Ready (but I feel like I want to make changes to them) (might just redo them altogether)”

Haunted by the Notion, 2007 edition. My beta Ruth suggested this when she edited the other story, and I wrote it around then. It’s another Christmas dinner at Filomena, and, eight years later, things are different. I feel like it hits expected beats, and is just missing some oomph. Maybe. (As much as I do like it, half tempted to make it 2009. Or later.)

Heaven’s here…: A interrupted proposal. I’ve written many proposals over the years, and I love toying with different ideas and setups. Danny takes the lead here, but I’ve been intrigued by the idea of having CJ do the final twist.

5 to 6 am 'me' time. Another story inspired by last year’s rewatch that I wrote right at the start of it (so Jan 2023?). It has five short parts with five different years of what CJ describes in the pilot as her “me time.” This is one when I think one per year would be fun, but I don’t want to repeat myself.

One bed, “sexy” edition. An AU to a sort of AU (one of the drabbles from this summer) and… it's what it says on the tin. The world does not need to read my attempts at smut. If I didn’t put it in the previous category, it’s because I am not sure that I want to post it. (All the previous attempts are locked somewhere; unfortunately, someone loves this one and noticed when I tried to do that, lol.)

First baby kick: I remember writing this while in grad school (so, late 2017? First half of 2018) but I lost it, along other fic, when my laptop had to be reset because I used Bear to write back then, but didn’t have sync across devices. I rewrote it, and I feel like it's not the same, but still. It's sweet! Includes: Danny talking to the baby, domestic fluff, and… baby kicks!

“This meme reminded me they exist and I love them, so don't be surprised if they are posted before anything in a previous category”

(Lbr, if I added something about them in this post at all, it’s because they sparked some memory.)

Mosaic broken hearts: CJ, circa S4, jealousy. Prompted by a former fandom friend, back in my productive era (first half of 2021; before that friend just ghosted me.)

I can’t believe I captured your heart (pancake breakfast, three words and eight letters). For a while there, I edited it so much but then I fell off. iirc, it was part of some morning-related prompts I saw around that I tried to fulfill in 2018? 2019? And they had like internal progression. But this one was the best of the 3-4, and I kept tweaking it.

Green light of forgiveness (IM-ish) — there are many other IM/IM-Tomorrow snippets I’ve written over the years. I’m not sure if this one makes much sense, but I liked it enough.

Distance — I recall liking this one! Might have to bump it up. CJ is in Africa, Danny is at the Farm and sulking because they left off on some sort of argument. There is some Danny-Abbey friendship goodness here. I even have a second file that is “Distance - shorter version (it’s not)”

Danny writes fiction, shows it to CJ during her pregnancy and she’s into it. Technically written. I would probably try to take another stab at it. Third time might be the charm?

San Andreo phone call/fallout from ID. I just had the idea of CJ reaching out once things calm down. This is one of those fics I’ve written a version of every year or so, but I think there was one I liked quite a bit.

Terrible taste in men — a run-in with an OC ex of CJ. It was so dumb.

Fka Impatience - actually beta’d three years ago (by that fandom friend I've mentioned twice before… actually, three times) and “done”. I just think I’d change so much about it these days. It started being something else but ended up being a CJ-Toby friendship story in which they have lunch and catch up. But I would want to rewrite most of it now, and not just because it’s from like… 2019 (but finished in 2021).

I forgot this one initially! he's passing by, rare as the comet in my sky - 2? 3? times CJ thinks she sees Danny somewhere, and one time she does. (Which tried to work in the 'I remember shunning you' line.) I even wrote some sort of sequel later! Probably useless.

I said I would post a lightning round with fics that are either also done but not ready for me to mention them, or just… not done at all. The length of this post and how much I've spent on it is embarrassing. To give a general overview: in line with the nonsense I've been mentioning, includes phone calls at the end of S7, also a few friendship-focused fics around that time, too; present-day stuff; anniversaries; Hollis fundraisers; weddings; many ficlets, introspective thoughts, a “yes day” fic that's super sweet but needs better dares, the third memoir idea (the original one!!!!) that I had three years ago… And those are mostly the ones I had preselected, lol.

If you're interested, I can screenshoot this part in the notes app if you message me!

Anyway, this is embarrassing, and the worst part is that it's not all. fml.

[flfverse]

🤲👿😅 for the ask game :) also I love flf keep it up!

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

i was about to say “bold of you to assume i have a snippet prepared” bc i started a new job this month and my writing ability has absolutely tanked while i get used to it, but i rifled through my old docs a bit and found a doc titled “kid!flf!shinsou and erasermic,” while the fic itself is called “switched.”

“Shinsou,” he starts, “who taught you to kneel?”

He twitches again, violet eyes darting around like the answer is somewhere in his room. “I’m supposed to. This, this is what happens. When I hurt people.”

He holds himself coiled tight and miserable, his voice getting smaller and smaller until it almost doesn’t exist. It hurts to watch. Shouta breathes in and out, and starts to say something, but Hizashi gets there first.

“Listener, you didn’t hurt anyone. We do have to talk about what happened, later, but Shouta and I are both fine. Were you worried you hurt Shouta when I sent him away?”

Shinsou doesn’t say anything for a moment, staring at his lap, and Shouta thinks, That’s not it.

“I—no?” He looks up, long enough for them to see the tears in his eyes before he hides his face again. “Yes. I was—I don’t know.”

“It’s not a trick question,” Hizashi says gently. “We just want to know what’s going on.”

“I was bad,” Shinsou chokes out, so childlike and vulnerable that Shouta feels sick. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry and I won’t do it again, just don’t—please don’t send me back.”

The last part is just a whisper, like he can barely risk voicing it.

“Won’t do what again?” Shouta asks.

Shinsou bites his lip. For a beat, Shouta is afraid he’ll refuse to answer.

He mumbles, “M’ voice.”

<3

i can’t remember if i talked about it before, but the premise is that shinsou has been mislabeled as a sub-leaning switch to make him easier to control (quirk discrimination yay) which leads to a lot of abuse and neglect and gets him labeled as violent and disobedient when he’s actually just a dominant. then he lands in erasermic’s house <3

rereading this reminded me that i actually really like this fic. i think i need to rewrite most of what i have to slow down the pacing (story of my fuckin’ life), but i definitely want to finish it.

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

i don’t think so? i mean, i do think of you guys when i write, but i do things for myself first. i did take a little bit of glee in putting a funeral at the end of chapter three of FF, though :3

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

you know, pretty much everything i’ve ever written for this ‘verse has gone through that phase. some of them i’m still embarrassed of. i write them in particular moods and when i’m not in that mood it doesn’t land well with me, and some things i’m just like….that was overdramatic, or this is weirdly paced, or what have you. particularly all my bakudeku stuff. they make me so unhinged and reading it back is weird. but i know y’all like it, so that helps <3

[darklingichor]

Viviana Valentine Goes Up the River, by Emily J Edwards

Second book in the series.

Tommy has made Viv a full partner in the PI business and Tally Blackstone has decided, dispite having millions of dollars, she wants to try her hand at being the secretary. This is about where I start to wonder if Tally is in her right mind, because I work as a receptionist and if I had heiress money, I sure as shit would not choose that job. "Hey, I have enough money to live and to follow my passions, I think I'll listen to people bitch about the coffee, and develop a twitch at the sound of a ringing phone!" Hard pass.

Anyway, Tally brings in a friend who has a case for our pair of PIs.

This friend, Buster, is a rich pompous scientist who is working on so top secret type stuff. His household is being disturbed by odd noises in his house. He wants Viv and Tommy to investigate. He's willing to pay, and it would mean a trip away into the country, so why not? Viv heads up first, followed later by Tommy. The house is full of Buster's rich society friends and it quickly become evident that there is more going on here than weird noises. To smooth the way, Tommy and Viv pretend to be engaged and get down to the business of solving the various mysteries of the house, one of which has turned deadly.

We get to see the dynamic between Viv and Tommy, which is awesome. They work really well together and you can tell that this partnership has been cultivated for ten years. And yes, it is obvious that the two are going to get together.

Tommy and Viv, are comfortable with each other, affectionate with each other, respect each other, and rely on each other. Now, this could be platonic, but it is definitely romance coded. Besides, just like you know as soon as someone in an action movie says they are a week from retirement, they are actually about five minutes from death, as soon as Tommy suggested pretending to be engaged you know that they will do it for real. I'm cool with this because they make a good pair.

The story itself is really cool. It helps that it is one of my favorite mystery settings.

A house where everyone is stuck there and it is a process of elimination, either through detective work or because people keep getting bumped off, to figure out who the bad guy is. I will admit, with the initial mystery being "find out what is making the creepy noises" it really did remind me of a Scooby Doo plot. And that tone kind of persists in that even when things get serious, some goofy stuff is still happening. I mean this in a good way.

Buster and all his friends (save the butler and one cool lady) are obnoxious and I found myself hoping that this was like murder on the orient express, where everyone was guilty.

I will admit, I didn't figure out who the bad guy was until late in the game, and the solution to the whole mystery wasn't what I thought it was going to be.

I think like this.one and the first one an equal amount because they are so different. This is one of those times where which one I reread will depend on my mood.

[anjumbai]

The Silent Cry by Kenzaburo Oe - Thoughts

"I should have stretched out a helping hand, but a similar landslide was threatening to sweep me off my feet too."

Overall Rating: 8/10

While 'winner of the Nobel prize in literature' might be the initial reason of me buying the book in the first place, the label was not what made me stick to it. I have found yet another writer whose writing style connects so much with me, and also constantly reminds me that I should enrich my vocabulary. While my tour into Japanese writers have only showed me Murakami and Kazuo Ishiguro, they weren't particularly what you'd expect from Japanese literature. They write with heavy western influences and Kazuo Ishiguro is a Japan born British novelist. But it's with Kenzaburo Oe and Osamu Dazai that I had a proper interaction of Japanese literature. The book shows a heavily depressing yet hopeful post war Japanese society, where people are conflicted whether to live in the past sticking to tradition or hope for change and work for it. Japanese culture and traditions, along with heavy triggers- the book managed to captivate me with it's environment building.

The story was set apart by the two main focuses of the story: our humble narrator, Mitsu and his younger brother, Takashi. The duality of Mitsu and Takashi's character made for a journey where I just didn't know who to root for. I didn't root for anybody at one point. I rooted for peace, and somehow I couldn't see any of them getting it. Even though the book ends on a hopeful note, I found myself conflicted on whether this is how it really should have ended. On one side you had Mitsu, our narrator, who happened to have lost his way of life and found himself in an edge after the birth of his disabled child and the suicide of a close friend. And on the other hand, we had Takashi, a hopeful youth just back from America, prone to self destruction, yet very eager to connect to his roots by taking his brother (Mitsu) and his brother's wife to their ancestral home.

Takashi would be all for ancestral connection while Mitsu would often be seen in a state of constant disconnection from reality and his roots altogether. Mitsu's wife, drowning in alcoholism after they had to admit their disabled child to an institution, finds herself in a new spirit after having met Takashi. Takashi's extroverted leadership, enthusiasm to connect with his roots, sudden explosive violence had won him the love and support of people. Yet you still don't find yourself rooting for him- cause there is always something off about everybody here.

The book fleshed out its characters to the point where you can really understand them, and then blows it all apart. You feel you are close to understanding them, and then ask yourself that were you really actually close. This state of perpetual hopelessness, the abject routine of the village people just made you feel sorry for the way that they lived. But it seemed somehow there has always been a glimmer of hope, and it comes to those who choose to search for meaning in their lives. It's for all of the people who don't want to live in a magnificent building by someone else but would rather live in a thatched hut that they built by themselves.

Takashi's eagerness towards self punishment and living his "truth" seemed really vague to me, something I couldn't really grasp. But I think it gets better with a reread. The book took long passages to explain the ancestral history of the village which can drag sometimes, but makes you wanna respect it. Ancestral connection played a huge part in the book, and it wouldn't be fair to shy away from it.

As you can see the book isn't anything resembling the happy go lucky type. It has heavy themes of self punishment and suicide along with other major triggers. The book will make you feel a set variety of emotions. Which is great, because of the fact that something can make you feel such heavy emotions all at once.

Overall, great read. Felt like I read a huge part of Japanese culture just through this book, especially about the post war Japan. I'd recommend it. I've ordered Natsume Soseki's Kokoro to have another road trip down the traditional Japanese literature route. Till then, I'll read a lil bit more bout Kenzaburo Oe.

[chen-chen-chen-again-chen]

Six Sentence Sunday & Countdown to EGF (Week 1!)

Hello hi hola!! Thank you for the early morning tags, @thewholelemon and @artsyunderstudy! I have six-ish sentences from Chapter 3 of my EGF fic, which I shared with my lovely EGF collaborator @shemakesmeforget (thank you for making me feel good about my writing 😆😆😆):

When Baz comes out into the kitchen, Simon Snow is still trotting around mostly naked except for Baz’s boxer briefs. He has freckles and moles everywhere, and the collar around his neck and the steaming mug of tea in his hands make him look oddly domestic; Baz is sure he’s seen a porn that started this way. 

“Here,” Simon says, thrusting the mug at Baz. “Wasn’t sure if you took milk or sugar.” 

“Usually milk,” Baz says, opening the fridge, “but - ah, yes, I’m out. I was going to do the weekly shop, but then kidnapping, imprisonment, et cetera.”

“Extremely et cetera,” Simon says solemnly. 

Writing blather, a bonus pic, and tags behind the cut! 

Here’s a brief description of my writing process thus far: 

Write 22 000 words in basically a fever dream / fugue state (around the same time that I wrote “A cake with your name on it”)  

Let it sit, because I knew it needed massive edits 

Sign up for EGF in early Jan with all the arrogance and naivete of youth, because “hey! I already have a draft!” 

Reread the draft in mid-Jan and feel like throwing up (Jan. 15 journal entry: “I just re-read my EGF fic and it seems like such a fucking disaster. What the actual hell”) 

Attempt ambitious rewrites. Fail. Lose momentum. Journal about it a lot. Draw a bunch of mind maps. Get lost in the black hole of Tumblr. Cry in the car. Eat kettle chips and binge-watch the K-drama Doctors  

Reread/re-watch some classic things that I should keep in a box/bookmarks folder called Break Glass in Case of Artistic Emergency (The Artist’s Way; Liz Gilbert’s TED talk on daemons; Kiki’s Delivery Service) 

Do some useful loosening up exercises (rewriting and responding to the Basic Principles in The Artist’s Way; writing a paean to the Muses; making a checklist of how to create a good writing context for myself)

Re-read the draft. Think, “Huh, it’s actually not as bad as I thought. Rewriting isn’t working, so I think I just have to work with what I have.” Realise that the draft hasn't changed in quality, just my mindset.

Think fondly of my old mentor McKenna (playwright, poet, Irish madman), who would always say, “These things that you think I'm teaching you? You know them already. I’m just reminding you, is all.”  

I share this not just because I crave validation (I mean, I’m an artist and a human, of course I crave validation) but because I think everyone who reads this probably resonates with at least one part of it. 

And it’s useful for me to have this as a record to come back to say, “Oh yeah, this happened to me before, this will probably happen again, here is evidence that I climbed out of this well before, and here are some really concrete things that I did to climb out of the well. This is all part of the process, even the stretches that suck and feel like you’re off-roading in the dark.” 

If you made it through this exercise in navel-gazing, please enjoy this picture, because I have apparently branched out from making fake t-shirts and entered the realm of making fake mugs for my fic, as part of my Creative Process: 

I have to run off soon (to pick up fresh cinnamon buns) so I am just going to do a bunch of hello tags off the top of my head in a completely random fashion: @erotic-grope-fest, @captain-aralias, @fatalfangirl, @cutestkilla, @technetiumai, @tectonicduck, @aroace-genderfluid-sheep, @raenestee, @dohrnaira, @larkral (look, I came out to play!!!), @facewithoutheart, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @whogaveyoupermission, @martsonmars, @aristocratic-otter. Happy Sunday to you all!

[gintokiu]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

love love love getting Tumblr messages, especially if they come from Rena! thank you so much for thinking to tag me and get me back on this ye olde blog. I will do my best to answer since most of my favorites are unfinished and waiting for me to have time to complete them asdfgh anyway, starting from the bottom:

5. Unfinished, unposted work: Worth the Wait

This one is fun because it's something I'm currently working on and I am soo obsessed with it; it's an AU of a fantasy game that I've put way too many hours into recently. I think that the overall premise of the story is something akin to finding things in places that you wouldn't expect them to be, which I always love when it comes to Gintoki and Hijikata, because that's kind of like, their thing? It's set right now to be three or four chapters long and ahh I can't wait for it to be done. I hope, like usual, that the AU doesn't shy people away because they might not know about it/played the game. :') I can't help I only like writing AUs I'm sorry adsfgh

4. Fahrenheit

This story has such humble beginnings and such a warm place in my heart. It was actually the first ginhiji fic I ever wrote and oh god, it was fucking horrible. Rewrote it when I matured more as a writer and am hoping that I figure out where exactly I want this one to end because it's a bit of a toss-up. Right now, I am simply enjoying writing all the modern-day fluff and antics (and sex) until the plot decides to cement itself properly in my brain.

3. Hirudinea

The big one, the one that my brain refuses to write even though I have the plot all there waiting for me to write it. The powerpoint for this story is crazy. I'm looking forward to one day getting to tie this one up with a nice little bow and give it the proper love it deserves, but I want to finish other things first. Forcing myself to write things only ever ends in me hating them and I refuse for that to be the case with this story because there is so much love for it in me and seemingly in the community <3

2. Ninety-Nine and The Flight, the Fall, and the Forsaking of a Crow

There are two for this spot because I can't make up my mind. The Flight is another one with very humble beginnings. I wrote this, god, six or so years ago originally? Rewrote it when I started posting my work and fell in love with the new rendition of it so much. I'm such a sucker for transformations and gaining new understandings of the world, which is exactly what Gintoki gets to go through, which is why it means so much to me. The pacing is there, the emotion is there. Truly one of my favorites of mine that remind myself that I can write sometimes, LOL.

Ninety-nine I love because it is so easy to write. It's the child that never backtalks, never gets in trouble-- it's just golden. The plot for this is fleshed out all the way to the end and the powerpoint is thirty slides longer than Hirudinea's at a whopping 91 slides. It's a beast. I have end chapters completely written, just waiting for the rest of it to catch up. While definitely not my most popular piece, it's the one that I love to work on the most and I hope I can give it the ending that it deserves :') ahhh there's so much I want to say but can't so I'll just leave it here and talk about it later when it gets closer to being complete.

Things That Happen During the In-Between

Certainly did not expect this work to get the recognition that it did when it was posted. When I tell y'all that I hated this story for the longest time because I reread the same scenes fifteen, twenty times over, edited each one at least three or four times super in-depth to the point where it became beyond predictable in my mind. So then I post this, and people are all like "I cried!" I'm like HUH what do you mean you cried? this work sucks?? So then I waited like a month, reread it, and understood that yeah, okay, I actually didn't do that bad of a job with this one. My personal favorite aspect of this story is the characterization, because there are so many parts where I can read through it and say with confidence that that's a very "them" thing to say/do. (I also just love and adore the second movie, it's such a good film and I'm glad that I was able to do it some justice with this story.)

this was such a treat to do, once more thank you @renamusing for tagging me <3 I'll send a few out to some authors who I think are active on my tumblr so if you get one then consider it a little forehead kiss mwha

[funkymbtifiction]

What is the best way, as an ESFJ 6, to get along with a 9? I really like 9s a lot, but communication with them can be hard.

I have been close friends with several 9s (by coincidence, all are feelers with Fi) and there have been things in our relationship that have bugged them. For instance, some of them view me as needy or not having good enough boundaries. But they don’t mention it, or not directly. In the meantime, without me knowing, things will be building inside of them. Even when I try to talk things out with them, they won’t necessarily give me the complete picture of what they feel. Then something will happen (something that triggers them) and suddenly, all of their frustration will come out, and they’ll just cut me off entirely. All good people, but it’s very hard to work out stuff.

You cannot change other people, only yourself. Which means if this is a pattern with the 9s in your life, there’s something you are doing to “trigger” it. So now comes some hard questions. How healthy are you, as a 6? Are you anxious and reactive? Do you read negativity and accusations into situations where none exists? Are you defensive and fearful? Are you always thinking in terms of the worst possible scenario and throwing cold water on things? Are you anxiously attached in the sense that you can’t leave people “alone” (bombarding them with text messages if you don’t hear back immediately?). As a 6 myself, I know what we can be like when we’re lacking in self-confidence within our friendships.

What does self-confidence within a relationship look like for a 6?

Being able to wait for a response, even if it’s slow, without testing them, e-mailing them, texting them, and “being needy.” Why? Because we tell ourselves “nothing is wrong if they don’t answer me. They are a 9 who is overwhelmed by life and has to ‘get away’ in order to be truly themselves.’ They are a 9 who thinks about me, but doesn’t reach out. Their silence means nothing bad.” DO NOT pester them, reread your texts to look for what you said that maybe upset them, and anticipate that they are angry with you and try to diffuse it. Allow yourself to remember that as friends, you don’t need constant access to them, and as 9s, they need space and separation due to feeling overwhelmed.

9s are very sensitive and easily absorb whatever is happening around them; they hate being made to “feel” things -- things that upset them, anger them, etc. It’s hard for them to be up-front and they process things slowly. So, if you have a lot of conflict with 9s, it may be because as a 6, you are “too reactive.”

What does dialing back reactivity look like for a 6?

Catching yourself escalating and reminding yourself that this is not a huge deal, that this person is not questioning your decision or judgment, that raising your voice won’t fix the problem, that this is not the end of the world, etc. Learning to control reactivity means recognizing it as it’s happening and taking control over it, instead of allowing it to control you. As a reactive type, you WANT your friends to agree with you that THIS IS A PROBLEM, or THIS IS UPSETTING, but 9s are unruffled, calm, unaffected. From their perspective, any attempt to get them to escalate is exhausting and irritating. They won’t escalate with you; they will only escalate if they have a problem or they have reactive fixes.

Lastly, as 6s, we tend to project “people are mad at me” onto people even if it’s not the case, and then we treat them as if they are mad at us, and that can make them actually mad at us. Don’t assume your 9 is mad unless it’s obvious (with passive-aggression or directly being told off). I have noticed, with myself, if I am talking to someone and get anxious that I may have said the wrong thing, I hurry to add to it, change the subject, or deflect rather than let it land. It’s a “look over here and not at that” approach, but... I need to stop doing it. Let the comment land, do not deflect away from it, and then see if they are upset or not. Most of the time, they aren’t. But we think “wow, too much” and try to take away their right to be annoyed if we were rude without unending to be rude. Be calmer, take things slower. As a head type and an extrovert, you also think/talk way faster than your 9 introverted friends. Don’t overwhelm them as much, let things “sit.” Give them time to react instead of demanding an instant response.

Okay, enough about you and now about them. 9s have problems being up front about their feelings and that makes them passive-aggressive to the hilt. They think directly confronting you is going to escalate into a fight, so they will deny anything is wrong and then let you have it later, once the rage builds up. This is incredibly frustrating for people who want to get it all out on the table and deal with it on the spot (EFJs). But there’s no real way to cope with it, other than to know that’s how their anger works and batten down the proverbial hatches. Some 9s are more mature than others, as well. Cutting you off for no reason, and without an explanation or allowing you to explain yourself as long-term friends, isn’t an adult way to handle a relationship problem. But all the 9 is thinking about is “how can I reintroduce peace to my life? By getting rid of this person who is disrupting my peace!” In truth, the problem is often because they refuse to admit to their role in an argument or problem and thus, contribute to the disruption of their peace by being avoidant, neglectful, absent, or checking out emotionally. It takes two to have a conflict.

I’m extremely direct and prefer the same in others so that I know where we stand. If we ever get back to our friendship, they might put up strong walls to protect themselves or attribute our relationship problems to my behavior without seeing where their passivity or lack of communication might have contributed to the problem. (Though to be clear, I have definitely contributed to the problem too.)

9s have a hard time, because admitting to them contributing to a problem makes them feel bad about themselves, upset, etc., and their goal in life is to feel good about themselves and unaffected by the world. Their inertia is not laziness so much as a spiritual resistance to spiritual growth -- admitting that they contribute to the discomfort that arises in their life, and that they cause problems for not only themselves but other people. As I said, that’s a truth they must find, and something they need to want to change moving forward. You can’t fix it.

In particular, what’s the best way to communicate with an ISFP 9 who is experiencing anger? I get really shocked at how someone so placid and nonjudgmental can suddenly be saying the most cutting things to me. And I get that sense that because this is authentic to them and how they feel, they don’t really see how their words are hurtful.

Leave them alone. I know that’s hard for an EFJ, because you want to clear the air and talk it through and reach a consensus, but IFPs can’t be rushed in terms of processing their feelings, and when stuff happens, they go into low Te blunt mode. They don’t see their words as hurtful when they are upset, because their feelings are the only thing on their mind. Give them space, and try to remember that it’s probably not personal so much as an expression of their inner pain. And later, if you really felt hurt by their words, gently address it with them. Find a time when the anger has subsided and say, “You said this and it hurt my feelings. I know you were upset that day. Did you really mean it?” Give them a chance to apologize, but do it in as non-confrontational a way as you can.

One more q: How as a 6 (and J) do I become more comfortable with ISFPs who frequently change course suddenly? I told my ISFP friend that being with him is like being on a roller coaster, and I tried to explain to him how I get really nervous at the lack of stability and predictability. At the same time, I want to learn how to handle this person’s sudden changes in mood and in life direction (an extreme example, but for instance: religious one day, an atheist the next day) that have me completely taken aback at times.

Go half and half. Meaning, you agree to meet in the middle. Sometimes you plan what you’re going to do together, and sometimes you agree to just show up and go somewhere with him. Over time, you will find it’s fun to be spontaneous, and he will learn to accommodate your need to plan a little bit ahead. As for their sudden shifts -- just recognize “oh, this is normal for him” and to be honest, don’t take anything too seriously in the knowledge that tomorrow it might change. I know that’s not stable and that you want stability, but some people are just going to be impulsive, spontaneous, and changeable -- so we have to learn to go along with it as 6s and just smile and nod, lol.

[procrastinatorproject]

So, I was just mercilessly roasted by @regionalpancake, and it reminded me that I had opened tumblr a couple hours ago to write a post about the exact same thing she roasted me about -- but then I was good and put tumblr away because i need to do SO MANY UNI THINGS 😱

But now that it's come up again, I'm gonna just write this and then get back to Productivity™

Basically, I have this huge collection of semi-finished, mostly plotless Star Trek: La Sirena whump stories. And I do mean huge! On the order of 200k+ words, in fact. None of which I ever intended on sharing, because it's all daydream-adjacent and OC-centric (because my daydreams are pretty much exclusively self-inset. 'tis how the brain rolls, and always has).

If I ever wanted to share any of them publically, first of all, it would require a whole bunch of editing and/or added context to gloss over the parts where you'd need about ten years of daydreamt worldbuilding to understand what the fuck they're even talking about! And even with that smoothed over, there is still the issue of having a non-established and somewhat non-descript original main character, which can really put people off. And while I primarily write for myself and only secondarily for my friends, if I put something out into the world for others to see, I do wnat it to be semi-decent, so I do think about these things a lot.

But I've been rereading these stories, and goddamnit, there is some excellent writing in there! And some of it has already showed up in some of my main feed fics, but a lot of it hasn't, and actually, I really want to share it!

So, now I'm faced with a conundrum, because my choices basically are:

Only slightly edit the existing stories to smooth over the bits that really need additional context to make sense to a reader who hasn't lived in my head the past decade, but otherwise leave them as-is

Only take the best bits and pieces from the existing stories and create new original stories out of them that feauture canon characters (or maybe one or two OCs but make them fully-fleshed characters by including the required establishing passages to bring new readers on board)

Search-and-replace the OC with a canon character and do the required editing to make it work.

And I'm honestly torn 😅 Because I've been attempting approach 2 over the last few years, and nothing has been happening. Approach 1 is the "Fuck it, I write for myself and have a right to archive those stories, too!"-attitude I aspire to, but it's also fucking scary 🙈

But coincidentally, I was re-reading one of these stories earlier, and my brain kept going "Hm. If you shuffle these characters around a tiny bit and then make Agnes the main character, you'd only have to do some minor editing here and here for it to work really well for her, actually 🤔"

And just now, when I lamented to Pancakes that I really want to write more Agnes, her devastatingly accurate reply was: "Just search replace some of your whump with Agnes! That should fit, right?"

(Which... There is a reason I identify with Agnes so hard it makes it difficult for me to actually write her 🙈🙈🙈)

So yeah. That's what I've been mulling over this fine November day.

Serious question: Would you read a story that is fairly clearly marked as "OC main character with minimal establishment" if it containted characters and tropes you enjoyed? Or is that a huge No-no for you?

And second question: can you tell me why you feel either way? Is it nice to have a more-or-less blank slate to slot yourself into? Does it feel too personal if you suspect you're reading a writer's self-insert, whether they confirm it or not? Do you not care as long as the characterization of canon characters and the whump are good? Is it "I'm going to fanfic so I don't have to do the hard work of connecting with new characters"?

And if it were a properly established OC, i.e. not just "this person exists, already slotted into this crew, don't worry about it", but "this fully fleshed-out character has a backstory and a history of how they met these characters and they will be introduced accordingly" (like, say, Xyr in A Night at the Opera), does "OC" still make you think "must be self-insert and thus must be shit?" 🤔