#which the memory thing is a WHOLE other suitcase but we dont have time to unpack all THAT *represses that for a year again*

[strawberry-possum]

Man y'all ever just *becomes irrationally worried about someone you're barely acquaintances with and haven't spoken to in over two years*

[popculturebuffet]

Green Eggs and Ham: “Train” Review or A Little Better Now (Patreon Review for Emma Fici)

Hello you happy people and all aboard! We’re back on the Green Eggs and Ham Train for a Train themed episode. Train. As you can tell I like trains... admitely I don’t see enough episodes et on them and I don’t buy books or obess on them but I like the idea of a train, the comfort, the use of a mode of travel that was once common but is now simply used on occasion with the dawn of air travel, and it confining our heroes to a smaller space with limited room to move. it’s good stuff. I even tolerae the band train... I mean yes their music is okay at best, but the lyrics.. are wonderfully delightfully insane. Who else would use a garbage bag as a genuine romantic metaphor?

When last we left off things ere a bit ehhhhhhhhhhh: Sam went from delightfully quirky with some issues ot adress to annoying, and Michelle went from kin dof a bitch ot ENTIRELY THAT BITCH. Outside of Guy’s mental breakdown/heatstroke episode involving hallucinations of green eggs and ham, yes that did in fact happen, it wasn’t much to write home about and I worried the series simply had a good PILOT but the series itself wasn’t going to be fun sit through. 

If I was right or I was rilla.. will have to wait till after the cut. But first as always i’d like to thank the person who payed for this episode Emma Fici. Emma is one of my closest friends and one of two patreon patreons. If you’d like a reivew of your choice eveyr month guarnateed, then please hop over to patreon.com/popculturebuffet and back me at the 5 dollar level. You also get access to my exclusive discord where I ocasoinally post about work in progress stuff and tlak to my falns, to pick a short any time I do one and EXCLUSIVE review, as well as helping me hit my stretch goals. So line up, sign up then join me under the cut. 

So we pick up where we left off with Guy hurtling into a lake. Eh I dunno i’ve heard being naked ina  lake is pretty neat. 

All you’d have to do is take off the hat and your there. But Sam saves him wiht the weird train of hats he put at the end of the car for some reason, and our heroes are saved.. but down a vehicle. Oh and Sam’s vehiclular neglgence costs a bunch of fish their home.

And our heroes are without a car and Guys at the end of his rope with Sam.. I mean granted he’s been there since he met the guy but it’s down to like the tiniest thred, not helped by Sam casually stealing his wallet to pay for train tickets depsite Guy , UNDERSTANDABLY, not wanting to hang out with the guy who has stolen with him, gotten him implicate din animal trafficing and dosen’t really respect personal space. Also it’s taken me embarassingly long to remember Micheal Douglas played my boy Hank Pym in the Ant Man and the Wasp films. Seroiusly I don’t know HOW I forgot that, him being aged up and thus unable to do ANY of the things he is constnatly denied credit for in canon (Founding the avengers, being the first ant man.. and the first goliath and the first yellow jacket and the first giant man.. and the only doctor pym...).. but instead the film kept his troubled nature and ego, but removed the domestic abuse (which is something I will not go into but needless to say the comics version went above and beyond to try and make up for that and redeem himself soley because it was the right hting to do) and by making im older still gav ehim a roll as Scott’s mentor. What i’m getting at is I freaking love Hank Pym and I could’ve been making hank pym jokes for several episdoes now. That’s a mistake I itned to recitfy.. right away as Guy looses his suitcase as a result of it and whie he lcaims not to be bothered his voice says otherwise. Eh i’m sure the world can wait for ultron Guy. 

So anyway, Guy reluctantly agrees to the train travel idea and being parked across from Sam on the grounds he has no real other options. Meanwhile the BAD GUYZ.. and i’ve also decided to drop spoilers as the series is two years old, most people reading this have probably seen the series, and it makes analysis rough when I have to dance around spoilers. So yeah the BAD GUYZ aren’t villians.. kind of a dickhead on the blue guys part, but not EVIL. They figure out their going by train it’s a whole thing.

ON the train we run into michelle again...

Yeahhh for the first half she’s as inusfferable as she was the last two episodes and it lead me to believie the rest of the series was going to be constant suffering as she’d be in every episode, likely because they DID get Diane Keaton for this and you don’t waste Diane Keaton. You just don’t. But while they got their money’s worth in having her on screne wise they just..w asted her for the first 2 and a half episodes: Michelle is a judgemental, unpleasnt suffocating bitch and it’s going to take a lot , even if this episode helped, to make me truly like her as a person. 

Case in point her first two scenes this episode are just.. dragging her daughter past a play place uncarring about her feelings because while I DO get she cares about her child’s saftey and is terrified afte rloosing her husband.. it dosen’t EXCUSE her actions. It dosen’t forgive her locking her daughter up constanlty, not talking to her like a human being and oh yeah PUTTING A FUCKING LOCK ON HER SHE CAN CONTROL.  I mean my god I don’t think they INTENDED for her to come off as abusive as she does, and i’ve seen far worse inteitonally and untietionally, but it’s still not remotely plesant. There is a larger issue baked into that the episode brings about, but we’ll get to that. 

And naturally at breakfast.. she procedes to top herself. ONCE AGAIN she treats guy like trash as guy UNDERSTANDABLY didn’t want to talk to her after her previous layers of bullshit which, just as a refresher, involved insulting his invention constnatly (even if it turned out ot be dangerous she did not know that till the last second) then refusing to help a man BAKING in the desert and mocking him to his face. 

So yeah unsuprisingly instead of you know, APOLOGIZING for that episode or anything else she mocks him again and calls him sad. I just.. I get they were trying to have her come off as a jerk and then slowly develop.. but you can’t overdue the jerk part. It has to be juts the right amount and if it is this much there has to be a commpuance. There is none as far as I can tell because god is a spiteful two faced prick. 

So naturally Sam forces the two parties together, and orders green eggs and ham for everyone, except guy who refuses. We do get a really great bit though as EB turns down the idea and we get a tremendous rant from Micheal Douglas as he talks about how a girl in his clash, veyr likely just him, got a rash from tring new things and you shouldn’t and to watch out for the scarlet beetle he’ll steel your ants and try to conquer your planet and is not a guy in a costume but in fact an actual beetle. EB naturally tries it. 

We get a brief interlude with Snerz that’s funny enough: he outright calls his visotrs flunkies, they enter to the song money, and his minon throws dollar bills at their feet. I imagine this is what visitng Mar a Largo is like. They turn up his noses until he mentions getting a chickarffe for his animal crutelty wall. And i’m torn about Snerz. On one hand he can be generally entertaining in his dickery.. but ont he other I do question why he’s in EVERY episode. We don’t NEED him in eveyr one and I feel he’s only in them because Eddie Izzard was expensive so they had to get him as a regular to justify the cost. We really DONT’ need this scene funny as it is and it adds nothing so far. Maybe i’m wrong and these guys end up being important. I don’t know. 

So yeah so far this episode was miserable getting through and I expected it to be another long sit... I was wrong. The second half.. is really damn good and reminded me why I liked this series so much. No really. We get two stories,both really good following one half of each pair teaming up. As for why their split Guy is annoyed with Sam, as well as dosen’t want him letting the chickaraffe out because you know lots of people dosen’t want ot go to jail and leaves to find a quiet place to work on watching paint dry while Michelle tucks a sleeping EB in, her first really truly humanizing moment, which should NOT have taken three episodes but hey, i’ll take it, and goes to find the same.

So starting with Sam and EB, naturally Sam takes all of a minute to let his buddy out and it gets loose on top of the train. EB hears the familiar sound and gives chase and the two meet properly. After Sam covers for his buddy and realizes the creature is asleep in his car safe now, he properly talks to EB and we get a truly magical sequnece: The two talk with Sam whoelheartdly supporting her free spirit and finally giving the girl what she badly needed: someone who treated her not as something to be tied down but you know.. a child who just wants some expression and as she literally lets her hair down, It’s truly adorable and it just has a magical quanitity as they enjoy the beautiful view from the train top. 

Granted this takes at urn later when EB brings up her mom, and Sam.. supports her mom, pointing out she’s just looking out for her.. which she is but in a deeply unehalthy way and I don’t like the show just.. brushing over Michelle’s terrible actions because “she’s her mom”. But it’s also hard to tell if they are: Sam’s mom left him as we’ll find out, so he likely colors his memories of her rosey and simply envys EB still HAVING hers. It’s not BAD stuff but I don’t like a work saying “You should love your family just beacause your related”. Instead of because they lovea nd support you and if they dont’ love you or treat you remotely well or don’t give an ass about you fuck them. Thankfully I DO love my family and have no issues with them, my immediate family at least, but i’ve had friens with downright abusive or neglectful parents. It’s not that black and white. Ducktales also hammered in the family theme but was transparent in how it can me messy, harm each other and that it took true love and consideratoin for it to work at it’s core. 

It’s still not a terrible scene and what comes next is neat as earlier it was shown the train has loops, because Seussworld, and now that’s a problem because their on top of it. Michelle’s jail braclet thing ends up coming in handy the first loop, as while she can’t unstick it means she and sam can suririvie it. They do get it loose, turns out the password was indeed password, because of course, and they end up narrowly suriving a roller coaster bit of track, with the help of MR. Jenkins who I can finally name because EB names her in the next scene. Understanding her need for a pet, Sam deputizes her, and gets her back in bed in time for the next plot. 

Speaking of which winding back a bit as these two go back and forth, Guy goes through two rather hilarious cars: First a bath car that has a bubsby berkely style water number and then a model train car.. with the train on the track showing guy watching guy watchin gthe train etc. 

It’s great. Guy ends up finding the quiet car.. and Michelle. And in her first scene of acting like a human being and not if julie powers was a soccer mom, Michelle, while standosfish as usual, not only unites with guy to shush a loud guy in the car, but is genuinely apricative when Guy helps her get her place back, she was doing some literal bean counting. 

The two genuinely hit it off, first with some adorable silent bits and then by talking, with Michelle appreciating his now safer job and warming up to him. Keaton and Douglas have GENUINE chemestry and it annoys me itt took the series this long to use that instead of wasting Diane Keaton on being 

It’s really great stuff and i’m actually rooting for the two.. once she gets her shit together obviously. Guy does make the mistake of lying abotu knowing about the chikcaraffe.

This ends up being bad as he finds out EB knows the next day and after she leaves the car RIGHTFULLY tears the fuck into same for getting him accused of crime, stealing from him and now puttin ghim in a precarious situation. While Guy DID lie, he idd so well meaningly and trying to impress someone whose ineherntly judgmeental. Douglas also does REALY well in the scene, calling sam out but it dosen’t feel cruel.. it’s justified. While guy is miserable and does need to work on himself.. Sam also needs to work on himself and is putting guy in serious danger just by forcing him into his animal smuggling scheme. 

So Guy leaves.. and naturally given the unvierse hate shim runs into the BAD GUYZ, who aren’t much better. No really they refuse to belieive guy might be innocent, use excessive force on everyone. They have better GOALS than sam but I woudln’t really call them good people. Smash to black and we’re out. 

Final Thoughts:  This one was better. As I said the first half or rather third drags slightly but once we get to the two seperate plotlines it’s REALLY damn good stuff and reminded me what the series was capable of in character in creativity. Hopefully it keeps this up

Next Time on the Blog: We return to mewni for the penultimate chapter of season 3 as Moon and Eclipsa have some fundemtnal disgareemnts on how to handle Meteora that wind up costing both dearly. 

See you at the next rainbow

[extremelyblackandwhite]

i wanna know what love is - 27

Pairing: rockstar! sebastian stan x writer!reader

Warnings: i am very sorry for what i’m about to do (pls dont kill me)

A/N: once again i’m very sorry for the sh*tstorm that’s about to occur in the following chapters. 

Last Chapter // Next Chapter

     - What the fuck do I do? - he asked Fred who has came up to his room once he stormed upstairs ignoring both Y/N and everyone. Sebastian was pacing from side to side trying to figure out how to fix this mess. He knew the gossip magazines were gonna start blaming her relationship with him as to why she had gotten the job which was exactly what he didn’t want and at the same time he didn’t want to lose his manager who was supposed to help him figure out after he left the band. - I have 2 shows before I go solo and now everyone is gonna think Y/N dated me to get the job.

    - Get a new manager and sort out an interview with a magazine and admit you started dating only a few weeks ago. - Fred shrugged but Sebastian did not want to do that. Y/N had career ambitions and he knew no one would hire her if they knew she had fucked her way to the top which she definitely did not. It was also not likely he could find someone to manage him after the reputation he had earned. - It’s really not that hard. 

    - Coming from you with a wife and a baby on the way. - Sebastian rolled his eyes, sitting on top of his bed. - I need some time to figure this out, please.

    - Alright, I’ll tell Y/N you’re not feeling very well.

Y/N had decided to go to to bed, she didn’t exactly want to deal with this right now. She knew his manager had got him worked up and she also knew he probably didn’t want to speak with someone right now as he had rebuffed everyone, even her. She remained sat on her bed but sleep didn’t come, she was sat in her bed thinking if everything was alright. 

Sebastian on the other hand was contacting every single magazine, website and journal he could to get things straight but he’d always get the same response “a story is a story”. He was about to call his PA when he heard a knock on the door.

   - Hey Se ...

   - Not now, Y/N. - he interrupted her, phone next to his ear. - I don’t have the time right now.

   - Oh ... Well, if you need to talk I’m down stairs.

She certainly could not sleep that night. She was trying her best not to overthink the situation, he was upset that’s all it wasn’t her. Y/N decided to spend the night writing more for her article, she was trying her best not to think of Sebastian. Mary had said so, he had a temper every time something went wrong, he just needed a bit of time for himself. 

After spending the whole night up writing her article and more mock articles to calm herself down but she couldn’t, she really couldn’t stop thinking about it. Y/N walked to the kitchen, opening the fridge to look for some food. There was not much, despite most of the boys being married they still ate like university boys: noodles and energy drinks. Two things Y/N did not feel like having for her breakfast.

   - You’re not gonna find anything, little boo peep. - she heard a voice coming from behind her. She tilted her head to see Melody. Great just what she needed today, exactly what she needed today. - So, how’s your little fairytale?

   - It’s none of your business. - Y/N snapped her head grabbing a carton of orange juice and walking to the eating area with it. Melody followed her, sitting in front of her to much her dismay. - Could you please return from the hell hole you escaped from?

  - I’m just trying to help, little miss sunshine. - she grabbed a magazine from her purse, placing it on the table and pushing it towards her. - Seems to be trouble in paradise. 

Y/N had to ignore her, that’s what Mary, Sebastian and everyone who had known Melody had told her to do but she was tired and her head couldn’t think straight so she looked down at the gossip type magazine to come face to face with her own photo with Sebastian and what looked like a ripping effect, the headline below reading “no more redemption”. She furrowed her eyebrows at it, opening the cover and almost like magic her eyes found themselves skimming a particular section. “We are not dating” and her heart fell to her stomach. 

 - Don’t feel bad. It’s not the first time he lies to sleep with someone, specially with someone as pretty as you.

 - I have to go. - she got up from her seat and rushed into her room, picking her suitcase from under the bed and started to throw everything she owned inside. The memory of her first heartbreak still fresh in her head and telling her to leave before it was too late. After a few minutes everything was packed in her bag and she left never to return. 

[ggukminii]

Tag Games Masterpost! ✨

♐️  Zodiac Sign tag!

tagged by @calicooky @jiminslight @euphhorias thank you babies!! 💜

Sagittarius: Teal or Purple. Topaz or Turquoise. Dandelion or Daffodil. Ginseng or Cilantro. Horse or Stag/Buck. Plane ride or Road trip. Learn Hindi or Learn Japanese. Ginger or Wasabi. Climbing or Snowboarding. Teleportation or Super Speed. Carnival or Circus. Sake or Tequila. Duffel Bags or Suitcases. Time Manipulation or Basic Precognition. Tambourine or Triangle. Backpacking or Whitewater rafting. Aquarius or Libra.

.

📝  Quiz Game

ty @calicooky and @jkjms 🥺

you're fierce, courageous and intelligent.

you have an electric smile and there's something magical about your words. people want to be liked by you, because when you like someone it's felt so very deeply. you're an angry sky nurturing dark forests and wide meadows, you're the wide-spread wings of a dragon, you're the stranger stuck in minds and the classmate that's so hard to forget. it's an honor to know you, it's an honor to be loved by you, it's an honor to love you. i wish you, too, could feel the love and the adoration you've been pouring into this world.

ok what are these tears 😭

.

🎵 What BTS era are you?

@jiminslight @jkjms @euphhorias ty for tagging me!

Spring Day

Run's softer older sister, equally as gay/traumatised as Run but it made them soft and nostalgic instead of trying to cling onto memories that never happened, you miss simpler, happier times and although it makes you sad, you know that the future isn't something to be nervous about, everything will be okay in the end "But what is grief, if not love persevering?"

omg what an honor?? 😭

.

💜  What does love mean to you?

@gimbapchefs @jkjms thank you!

something you want to share

you have so much love and you just want to share it with everybody, don't you? there's nothing more you'd hate than to keep your fondness and tenderness for other people and love as a whole inside. please never hide your love for others, be reckless and loud with your "i love you"s and make plans when it feels like no one else is bold enough to. we're all scared that our love won't be matched or reciprocated, we fear rejection and we have this idea that the people we love don't actually love us but only tolerate us for the sake of having someone to keep them company. but it's people like you, people who want to share their love with the world, that change that. so make plans, don't leave anything unsaid, send that song that made you think of them. life is too short to keep your love inside.

i’m sad :((

.

✨ Which BTS member would you vibe with?

tagged by @calicooky thanks kris <3

Jeongguk

Ah, the golden maknae. He's got the most tender heart and the sweetest soul, no matter how many tattoos or piercings he gets in the future--he has "please love me" tattooed on himself now, afterall. Jeongguk is willing and wants to learn, and strives to be his personal best. He wants balance in his life, appreciates beauty, and is a romantic at heart. He's constantly analyzing himself, how he can be better, do better, and honestly he probably doesn't give himself enough credit. Don't be so hard on yourself if you relate to all of that--you're allowed to both give yourself a break and remember that we are always evolving.

.

🪐 Make yourself a planet

@euphhorias @jkjms ty loves

.

📷 Post 5 pictures of your 5 favorite idol smiles

tagged by @espressokookmin ty love!

plus two extra let’s get it

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❓ 30 Questions Tag

thank you @euphhorias @taejinnies @jiminslight​ !​

name/nickname: di ✨

star sign: sagittarius ♐

height: 5’4

birthday: december 4th! bday twins with jin hehe

favorite band: i mean.... bts :D

time: 11:55pm

favorite solo artist: hmm I don’t really follow solo artists but i listen to baekhyun (idk if this counts :”)), chungha, and dean quite a bit

song stuck in your head: Alcohol Free by Twice

last movie you watched: Thor: The Dark World

free space! : I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!! 💜💜💜

last show: I don’t know if this counts but I’ve been binging the hell out of all of Jessi’s Showterview episodes jsdflk she’s a queen ✨

when i created this blog: June of 2019 if I remember correctly!

what i post: gifs!! and a ton of shit posts hah 

last thing i googled: "2nd Thor move” cuz I forgot the name 😃

other blogs: no active ones! just my main and 18490832 side blogs I’ve created bc I’m obsessed with creating urls

do i get asks? very rarely jsdfsjdf

why i chose my url? kookmin > ggukminii! this blog was originally just km stuff lmao

following: 332

followers: so much more than I deserve 🥺

average hours of sleep: hmm usually 7-9 hours. if you asked me during school tho...🤡

lucky number: 4!

instruments: ooo I used to play the violin for a few years and the guitar for a few months but we dont talk about that

what am i wearing? large blue shirt and black shorts 

dream job: ooo this is hard but something that doesn’t confine me to a desk where I can work with a lot of other people!

favorite food: this is the hardest question for me to answer omg... can I pass? 😅

tea or coffee: tea!!

nationality: 🇺🇸 🤠

favorite song: second hardest question BUT if we’re going strictly bts then... black swan 🤍

last book i read: uhhh i’m currently reading Know My Name by Chanel Miller

top three fictional universes i would like to live in: 3?? hmm, definitely Harry Potter... and then maybe marvel and anything studio ghibli 

I tag whoever wants to do these! If there’s one game you really wanna do just go for it and say I tagged you <3333

[haikyuu-and-more-haikyuu]

Day 2: Hinata x Kageyama, “19...for luck”

hey! idk how this works but i honestly want to send u the ship n the number thing soookagehina annnnd 19 uwu if u dont mind 

This is kind of a part of my fic starry cheeks and moonlit smiles...or I took the inspiration from that fic to write this little prompt. This is Hinata and Kageyama in later years. They live in an apaprmtnet in the suburbs of Tokyo  Kags is a professional volleyball player and Hinata studies to become a grade school teacher (while playing volleyball in the uni-volleyball club). 

(AO3 Link)

Hinata watched Kageyama from the doorway. He was on the floor, suitcase in front of him and clothes strew around, or clothes were always kind of just laying around in their bedroom, but now there was more because he was leaving tomorrow.

“Do you have everything, Tobio?” Hinata asked. He walked into the room and put down a strawberry milk for his partner. Chocolate milk for himself.

Kageyama hummed back, folding a shirt into the case. “Thanks.”

Hinata looked at the number 7 jersey that was hanging in the wall on it’s hangers. Washed, ironed and ready for a new training camp. Kageyama was second setter and pinch server of the national team. It wasn't unusual for him to travel to training camps, practice matches and tournaments, but this time; he would be out for almost two weeks. One week on a camp to make them ready for the startup of the season and then an intense practice weekend against teams that could be stronger.

Unlike last time, Kageyama would stand as the starting setter, since their official one was out because of an knee injury. His boyfriend might not show it, but Hinata was good at reading him. Kageyama was more stressed this time than last, but he was sure Tobio would do a great ob as the setter. His team wouldn't have chosen him if they didn't trust him.

“It’s going to be okay, you know.” Hinata hummed and started to help him.

Tobio gave a small nod back, but was still more intrigued by folding his pants than looking at Hinata.

“It’s weird you know, you used to be so sure of yousef when I met you.” Hinata started to snicker a little bit. “You were so hot-headed and intense, and was sure you could adjust to everything just given the right instructions.” He glanced at his boyfriend. Hinata was sure he had folded the same pair of pants three times now. “Now, you always get so tense before practice matches and camps, even though I know you enjoy yourself the most when you are playing.”

They sat in quietness for a few minutes. Hinata helped a silent Tobio  pack and fold his suitcase. It was autumn, so he needed a few sets of outside wear too, because there would be outside training too. The team ways traveling further up north, and yeah, if it was cold in their Tokyo suburban neighbourhood, it would sure be cold in north-Japan.

“It’s different now, you know?”

Hinata didn't almost hear the whisper. He looked over to the setter. He must have been stressed, because he kept clutching the boxed milk.

“There are so many people that will watch and see if I fail. So many have opinions on the line up and I don’t care about it, I don’t, I just don’t need comment from someone that don’t understand the whole picture.” Kageyama huffed out a breath and let go of the milk, Which Shōyō was glad for. More pressure on that poor box, it might’ve explode over his clothes and they would have to start over again. “What if I’m not good enough and coach decides to make room for others. If I can't cooperate with the team and not set well, what then?” His breath had picked up during his voicing, Hinata grew a little worried. “We also got that stupid, fancy dinner at the end of the week. We even have to dress up for it!”

“Then you just have to practice and work on your team building.” Hinata smiled back, hoping it was comforting and encouraging. “And remember what Yahci-chan thought us, chew first and then talk- then you are as good as it can get.” He hope it would plant a small smile on his face, but it only seemed to deflate Tobio some more.

“It’s not that easy.”

Hinata shook his head. “No, but it has never stopped you before.”

Kageyama’s eye grew widers and he sat up.

“Remember how Tsukishima used to tease you that you were the tyrant king, well, you said you wanted to set, serve and play all by yourself when I met you.” Hinata had to stop and laugh at the memory. Kageyama practically stiffened up and got so, so rosy cheeks. It was cute. “What I am trying to say, is that you are not the same person you were, like, seven years ago. A lot have happened and you will continue to get better. And maybe in a few years, if you keep it up- you will be the official setter of Japanese volleyball team.”

“I doubt it, I don't think my senpai will retire any time soon. He is just a year older than me.” Kageyama huffed back. He might have tried to not look intimidating, but his cheeks were still flushed and he was still slightly pouting.

“Well, I know you wont give up on volleyball any time soon.”

Kageyama nodded. At least he was sure of that. Kageyama not playing volleyball, wasn't right.

“And Tobio,” Hinata chuckled easily. “ You have tried to fold the same pair of pants for fifteen minutes.” His boyfriend looked down at his hands. And, yes, his pants were just a mess of wrinkled denim fabric. It looked like a two year old had tried to make a ball out of it. Kageyama pouted somewhat, but it was broken off by a yawn.

Hinata chuckled easily and took his hands. “Come on, we can pack tomor to, your train doesn’t travel until late, 05.00 p.m, right?” Kageyama nodded, sleepy. “Well, then, we can sleep in and pack when we have eaten, hmmm?”

“You drive me to the station, right?” Kageyama asked once they were cuddles into their bed. There was still clothes and toiletries thrown around in their bedroom, but that was a problem for tomorrow.

“Of course, I always do, don't I?”

“Yeah,” And Hinata could hear the smile in his voice.

The next morning went smoothly. They slept in, Hinata made made breakfast for the two of them. they took a quick walk to the drug store to pick up the last few things Kageyama needed; and lastly, they packed.

After an early dinner Hinata drove Tobio to the train station and when he helped Kageyama unload the baggage, a few other teammates waved to them. Hinata waved back while Kageyama nodded. He was familiar with them and sometimes, even he would get invited out for drinks with Tobio’s team. It was a great bunch of guys.

“Call me when you arrive.” Hinata said as they hugged. “And don’t worry about silly stuff.” He felt Tobio nod into this hair. “But, call me- if you get stressed or something. It’s better when you call and talk it out.”

“Hai, hai.” Tobo replayed lazily.

“Good luck, Tobio-chan.” Hinata sang as he stood up on his toes to peck a soft kiss on Kageyama's nose. His boyfriend wrinkled it in reaction and, gosh, it was cute.

“Don’t I get a good buy kiss?” He asked hopefully and looked down to meet Hinata's eyes.

“No,” Hinata laughed and turned around. “You only get a good luck kiss this time. That is what you need anyway.” He winked back playfully and gave a last bow to the other teammates. Kageyama smiled back, boyish and handsome as always.

Hinata only drove away when he saw Kageyama with his teammates as they entered the station, and all he felt was pride for his boyfriend.

[atasteofchocolates]

My story

I am in no way saying my story is the worst that people could suffer. I have had some emotional support, I have always been fed and clothed and I have always had my fair share of lovely Christmases and birthdays. 

However, a toxic parent relationship is what it is. I am not the same and I have and still am suffering for my childhood. This is my story. 

Before I was even born my parents argued. They argued to the point that my dad had a miner stroke. I was always going to be an anxious and stressed out child. All I ever heard in my mothers womb was the sound of yelling. So naturally, from a baby I would cry, I would scream and go red with anger. My tantrums were huge and I would kick walls and stair gates where I had so much pent up anger as a child. This story of my childhood gets re-told at every family event and is told to any person friend or family who joins us. I was 4-5 years old, and all I ever heard was anger and frustration between my mum and dad, and my two older brothers. They don’t mention that as a child of that age, my mood was a reflection of the household I was in. These tantrums would come to an end by my parents putting me in a freezing cold shower fully clothed so the cold would shock me into being quiet. At that age when we were on holidays my mother would threaten to throw me overboard if I wasn’t quiet. 

Naturally my parents split up (One of the things I will always thank them for) I was 9 years old at this point. I would wake up in the night to my mother crying. I felt guilty for what my dad had done. My brothers come from a different father to me, one they have no contact with and therefore it took time for them to trust my dad. When I was 9 my dad split with my mum and dated (and eventually got married to) my brothers ex girlfriend. This betrayal hurt everyone in the family but me... who was too young to understand what was going on. From then onward my eldest brother would tell me that my dad is a pedophile, my own mum went into my primary school to ‘warn’ the parents of my dad. As a young girl I was confused as to why my friends were not allowed to come over, and as to why my family would constantly make remarks towards my dad and to me. Because I stayed in contact. I would hear my mum tell other parents that she wishes she had stopped him from seeing me. That it would have made things easier. My parents hating each other so much that I would have social services ring up asking if I had been beaten or abused by my mother or father because they had accused each other of this. Every time I would act up from stress and anger my mum would tell me that she is going to leave me, make me live with my dad and never see me again. I was dragged into school in tears my dad running into the school gates as my mum yells at me telling me to chose who I want to live with. That I cannot have both. I have two dogs and at that time one of them was playing up, much like how I was from anger and stress. My mum got rid of her and then brought her back only to get rid of her again. I never knew what was going to happen only that I loved this dog and wanted her to stay. If I acted up she would be gone soon after. It was emotional torment. 

My dads, marriage to this women ended when I was 12 years old. She had had an affair which sent my dad into depression. My dad could no longer have children and she wanted one. I didn’t understand why she had left only that now she was with another family with a little girl of 9 years old. The same age I was when she met my father. All I could see was that I had gotten too old. That I was no longer good enough. From here on wards I was my dads rock. He would tell me everything including all his dark thoughts. He spoke to me as if I were a friend not his child. I found messages of ways he could kill himself, was told by my family that I was the only thing keeping him alive. Naturally I gained panic disorder. I could not have two minutes of the day where I didn’t feel panic. I was always tense. A school term didn’t go by where I didn’t take time off for mental health. My attendance was awful and I was losing friends. My mum would scream at me for panicking, telling me how bad I make her feel begging the doctors to drug me at 14 years old because she couldn’t handle my anxiety. I lost a stone in under 6 months from panicking all the time. This was misunderstood by my mum for an eating disorder which she told my whole family that I had. I was sent to counselling not for anxiety but for an eating disorder. I was weighed every week to the point where I was so focused on gaining weight that all I did was panic more. I would drink weight loss shakes ( the ones that are meant to be small meals) on top of forcing myself to eat, I would make myself sick from forcing food down. My mum refused to listen to me when I told her time and time again that I didn’t have a disorder. 

Most recently, the thing that has happened is the threat of being kicked out. I would come home to my room packed into suitcases. I would be screamed at. There was a time where I was accused of stealing money I had earned and told I should have given it to her. This lead on to her beating me and trashing my room. Breaking memories id had for years. She threatened to kill me if I didn't leave. I was distraught. 

Now I still live with her with my boyfriend. We aren’t here by choice but because we cannot afford to live anywhere. I hate the power this gives her as our rent we pay her is ever rising. To the point where we have no money left to our names. I am looking for an apprenticeship but need to be careful because if I do one that doesn't pay well (which most dont) then I will be kicked out from not being able to pay her. It seems I am just her money top up and nothing else. 

This is my story so far, I am still trapped in this relationship but wanted to share encase others are the same and to help you feel like you are not alone.

[mybodybmi25pulserate68-blog]

Wow dude

Click to watch the song below in the link below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytS8m2BgyK4

Now they sponsor people to fall plane even on short distance to instill fear on people on planes of new nations which aint that original just like with their machines or with the rocket that can reach mars that it take long and must fall cause plane takes short time and still falls so what about a 7 month journey, u will fail/die to still maroon folks with their silly desires they have come up with, to control ya, so some tribes are now playing good cause they wanna go to the new planet like luo, kikuyu, kamba or kisii as well as masai. Its far wide to thwart the traveling mood on people and incase of attack its seen as they are coming no underground fissure to outside earth to other planets and china with other nations has that technology as well which tires the white with well place protection mechanisms not 4 it to fall on following of this tumblr a/c.

The trump character is six of a man and is kauma 1, where u identify pretty women to fix them with rich men so u benefit, taking a look at trump he is kauma, omani, acholi, kale and ARGENTINA blooded as well a kisii so he is a blessing in disguise to show ya of such so u dont destroy the world further of star-bon kids. Am superstar in my things so am sturbon, heard from a certain kid who could eat the whole turkey on a xmas eve and dont share with his friends bro. On trump Baghdad comment with a woman, the soldiers are even tired sited down to depict bad character 4 a president of the richest nation still wanting from people, should resign if he persist and dont address the issue of money laundering as put in following tumblrs of this tumblr a/c. Micheli gi lingo mit moloyo thel mochanda, donge delanu, utters another kebi.

She sit far from a point to depict she loves long penis that can log or get to places we can never imagine, near to tell she loves short 1 and medium, she sits in the middles, so think twice. Obama still fund hooliganism, sending people in that he is in love with ya, if you wanna make it big- i won sportpessa of over 250 million and am saying this without blinking my eyes, should be warned or killed if he persists, but its a blessing in disguise to depict kale, kisii, luya and baganda people character.

Stop company luncheons and ferrying people with the bus and grown ups who have in the past gone to good schools just sitting in the house. This makes young task to follow suit as some sees ya as role models and of work dont work good to start businesses as they long to get employed to feel the same or quench their thirst to their desires. Let now people buy E-bike, motor bikes for the same even in jobs and their own food bro to stop the illicit.

The masai facilitate justice so u gain much instead of wanting to injure or wanting some1 dime food. Its sickening bro, say like this, we have understand that they man was in the USA as we have investigated, call people he has mentioned that were with him in jail to to identify him and let him be compensated they money he is claiming b4 he gives you your share so u get out of the city to your area. According to sources he is saying he is compensated even the damages he can give you upto khs 5 m to start ya life all those in ksm, you can even buy 10 used matatu and put on roads to give ya 30 thousand shillings daily and you still be the tout and the driver so u benefit on a tree-dimension basis Mr masai, stop silly acts and pro-act and the time is now

https://wildlifedirect.org/portfolio-items/marchers-across-world-demand-justice-wildlife/

Most Russian are Austria blooded, people who dont just give in to sentiments and is cemented in the link below moreover Most Jew as i have put in other tumblr a/c are masai blooded from the mothers side, they married their women or Austrians women with that blood to give a humble but confused people but good in doing polite business as the white-women does, people when u r close to them got respect and u feel good, so majority long 4 it not knowing the male counterpart cant understand and serve justice and we want people who can solve mischief not be pro it and thats the problem dude. Mad men, kinda, bro.

https://biblehub.com/genesis/34-9.htm

I have not joined any group that bars me from watching anything, provided its not in the vicinity of kids or them snooping, then where is the hoot, and they cant access the links afterward, Stop bro and let me enjoy studying the women race b4 i tell ya to save the world.

When they have realized u r good even in college and friends and relative pay ya fee somehow, they rush to screw it up to stop ya and at that time they want ya to take a break and 4get that spirit of sequence learning u have displayed as to have difficulty in a/c when u joined next time or u go and sleep wid their daughters which if u refuse they organize an attack on u if u walk bad.

When folks comment on ya life progress or what u have come up with is when u feel good like when in the USA, u got to scan the house you live in 4 people to comment to settle ya spirit and make ya happy, which the white women have known and dont like, so b4 they accept u again they monitor dat trend with ya which if u still have, its still a detriment to them that u rob them their dignity and thats it bro, get this straight dude!!!!!

Giving birth to kids not knowing their dirty tricks can be blocked, then they want ya food the lady with like 2 kids while the hubby is laden in disrespect. How will dat happen? Give birth to kids u can take care of good period. Not that i am mean bro or get to ya tribesmen to help ya. When will you get this bro, that Temperate lands got cereal while tropical lands got food crops such as yam, potatoes which tires the brain while many nations are populous and need wheat or maize daily to feed her population bro, like the Arab nations and china imports cereals so how can u be rich than them yet every nation have learnt automation if u were capitalizing on selling machines to other nations who have not learnt the same and the money making gimmick has been curbed by the proposed online or comphonecash and even with many booth system like the old telephone ones that enables ya to transact as debit or credit another or ya a/c even in ya phone or computer absentia.

The market at migosi now scrap metal shop was a crematorium, where mary the mother body was cremated and of what significance is dat bro, wont take us anywhere like a plane does. A drop of water in the ocean, to know the past important place they make ya feel good like even when doing nothing you dont wanna get out of their, they dont bore u off fast. Kebi sometimes takes scrap their but periodically coz its far from his residence. Dont bore us with old music that makes us guilty of our past, reflects bad old memories to our brain making u think people are discussing your past mishap.

When bank jobs have been eliminated the market 4 suits shrinks and buy drones like Toy 1 and locate the gas inside wire like of the blower to heat the gas cross-cross at alibaba, what do u want dude!!1

https://offer.alibaba.com/cps/j19u1ne5?bm=cps&src=saf&tp1=e9aa7c73072ba9f1dce49a4dfaf19494&pid=1044552

https://www.zapmeta.ws/ws?q=best%20drone%20photos&asid=ws_gc12_01&mt=b&nw=s&de=c&ap=1t3&ac=1693&gclid=EAIaIQobChMImMigpvvf5gIVCUTTCh2x0A9LEAAYAyAAEgKef_D_BwE

https://www.made-in-china.com/products-search/hot-china-products/Hair_Dryer.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIv7O50fvf5gIVgtDeCh2m3wBYEAAYAiAAEgLeD_D_BwE

https://www.made-in-china.com/products-search/hot-china-products/Hair_Dryer.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMImauT8vvf5gIV1uFRCh2soQI4EAAYAiAAEgKSL_D_BwE

https://www.made-in-china.com/productdirectory.do?word=galvanised+iron+roofing+sheets&file=&subaction=hunt&style=b&mode=and&code=0&comProvince=nolimit&order=0&isOpenCorrection=1&log_from=1\

Anything in the hardware is bought at alibaba click the link below and you just change all category product name of what u want at more cheap price than in country like Kenya, Mr Hindu so back up dude

https://www.made-in-china.com/productdirectory.do?word=galvanised+iron+roofing+sheets&file=&subaction=hunt&style=b&mode=and&code=0&comProvince=nolimit&order=0&isOpenCorrection=1&log_from=1

https://www.jumia.co.ke/generic-kcasa-lk-22l-travel-luggage-locks-4-digit-combination-password-suitcase-locks-padlocks-11222900.html

https://www.jumia.co.ke/generic-kcasa-lk-22l-travel-luggage-locks-4-digit-combination-password-suitcase-locks-padlocks-11222900.html          

Get to check my following followers for full information guys and see which following tumblr u wanna delete cause they are many.

Photos for no fuel generator in the link below

https://offer.alibaba.com/cps/j19u1ne5?bm=cps&src=saf&tp1=210f5df94709f5d0e4e0cc0aa7cf45a8&pid=1044552

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/HDPE-portable-plastic-toilet-shower-for_60755908986.html?spm=a2700.7735675.normalList.9.2c095dd8RZCjGC&s=p

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/HDPE-portable-plastic-toilet-shower-for_60755908986.html?spm=a2700.7735675.normalList.9.2c095dd8RZCjGC&s=p

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Cheap-prefabricated-one-bedroom-modular-homes_60451491201.html?spm=a2700.7735675.normalList.155.381e5dd8ykTtJb&s=p

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/HDPE-plastic-double-skin-wall-portable_60760610941.html?spm=a2700.7735675.normalList.80.2c095dd8RZCjGC&s=p&bypass=true

https://www.instagram.com/hall.of.booty/

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Portable-Mobile-Container-Toilet-for-Bathroom_720238090.html?spm=a2700.7735675.normalList.178.1b37b5ce0j6HAW

mary jesus mother no mer, tipsy when was injected with sleep drug

Setting an example to the world next generation by what anything am doing

nelsonmcsleepy nelsonmcsleepy https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Portable-Mobile-Container-Toilet-for-Bathroom_720238090.html?spm=a2700.7735675… nelsonmcsleepy taking my words 4 granted and am a man of my words nelsonmcsleepy we are same, cheap nelsonmcsleepy even minaj can now come, i have ordered 1 in the last link at nelsonmcsleepy tumblr a/c, timgimidwalo an delan, abe nyaka awinj mabel  ok-inkendi, si wewe pekecahako

odhilo kebi marach eban kisumu, bank job imekwisa kabisha if mobilecash adopted, palo ni yot . every thing has an end bro, swag etc or pride

Photos for no fuel generator in the link below

https://offer.alibaba.com/cps/j19u1ne5?bm=cps&src=saf&tp1=210f5df94709f5d0e4e0cc0aa7cf45a8&pid=1044552

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/HDPE-portable-plastic-toilet-shower-for_60755908986.html?spm=a2700.7735675.normalList.9.2c095dd8RZCjGC&s=p

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/HDPE-portable-plastic-toilet-shower-for_60755908986.html?spm=a2700.7735675.normalList.9.2c095dd8RZCjGC&s=p

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Cheap-prefabricated-one-bedroom-modular-homes_60451491201.html?spm=a2700.7735675.normalList.155.381e5dd8ykTtJb&s=p

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/HDPE-plastic-double-skin-wall-portable_60760610941.html?spm=a2700.7735675.normalList.80.2c095dd8RZCjGC&s=p&bypass=true

Each race is good on their own so we need to create small nations 4 each. Sometimes if u see a certain race man talking it guide ya to leave Africa cause the whites wanna be here again and majority love to be served by them to feel good and police arrest after u show them rudeness, kinda, brings joy than polite life with free food and goods put on credit to enjoy economies of scale and create bad credit for such to be enslaved again as they cannot buy again anything. PETROLEUM will still surface if gasoline gadgets are made cheap like half price 4 many to buy, so don’t just laugh bro

http://www.msn.com/en-xl/northamerica/tech-science/mars-2020-rover-to-seek-ancient-life-prepare-human-missions/ar-BBYpAyp?ocid=iehp

http://www.msn.com/en-xl/northamerica/northamerica-photos/2019-in-space-25-notable-missions-from-the-last-year/ss-BBYqMXO?li=BBXYdpA&ocid=iehp

http://www.msn.com/en-xl/money/autos/under-the-skin-why-electric-superchargers-are-gaining-ground/ar-BBYrXzY?li=AAFNcqt&ocid=iehp

The above links rep how to reach the mars or venus but in 7 month distance, to avoid timer malfunction that changes the current to the next cylinder coz the 1st 1 to hot to burst, they put them like 3-5 set at the same time in a parallel connection in that if 1 burns up to discontinue the current flow that would lead to saucer falling the others still do and at the same time the pilot can still control the same with switches.

Lindi, TZ was where Jesus changed water to wine long b4 the green man left Europe and they went to Europe and shortly again they left America 4 Venus then the white men moved to America.

Let the nation be built on its pace or reduce population 4 the resources to fit people once all loopholes have been blocked. Tz people are the once causing strife in the nation that they save putting them in others food that they are building Tanzania. Stop dude U r poor and accept the fact Germany or Canada is rich than u out of all explained in tumblr a/c following this tumblr.

One dot bar code machine putting that code on cash at central bank and the money censoring machine is made in such way to sense that. They can make fake cash those in Govt and do the same bro. Comphonecash does it, inaeweza, nyale, or curbs such dude period.

Angel Gabriel was Railamolodinga then, in marys house when sleeping, like people transfigure to any race did the same to be a white-man and switched the light on marys room and told mary u will be pregnant of a son when previously had done the same when she was not away put sperms in the syrange in a cold ice small cooler and when mary was deep asleep like lazurus took 1 syrange with a che3mical that makes 1 to fall a sleep like in  a minute and below the mattress had took out the better part of that mattress to make a bwol like hole only small part left to rich the top and that’s the position he used to inject Christ mother with b4 getting out of under the bed and again impregnating Mary with the sperm on the syringe to make her pregnant. Mary remembered the occasion later but thought it was a middle on the bed. B4 she could stand and check the mess he was down as overwhelmed by the drug, dude the whole truth, what do u want folks. Jesus was born in a ranch bro get it straight!!! It was planned and Mary had loose nuts was not that normal bro!!!

When folks have an eye on ya u don’t grow up in size, bible Mathew 5 an eye 4 an eye or a teeth 4 a teeth to cement reality bro.

By drinking milk from a cup but putting it like 30 cm from the mouth to pour out like water fall as well is another method of making gadgets. People who love traditions are always monitored and denied entry to nations, cause always they want to be 1st or destroy other races, know that people. Reasons to why u don’t get green-card and white-men looking 4 that. The Masai character is a blessing in disguise and a teaching to people who want big booty women like Russians to quit coz they are good on their own not in another tribe lest u go to hell cause u got the prophet.

The city which kills the dream of the prophet, Wichita, Minneapolis or Amsterdam, can be another version, it will be more tolerable to Sidon and tire than it, people will burn as u see, kinda, head lit on fire with burning hair or they grow mad or 1 eye pops out.

They now got dirty tricks of wanting people to leave food in a restaurant then they put it on water if it has like source then put on microwave to dry up then sold to them at lunch time in 70% removed price, people fear them yet its left overs like Christ with feeding 4-5 thousand people. People discard ya food to fund hooliganism and they create beef with ya if u fail to leave yours bro

https://www.jumia.co.ke/money-detector/

https://www.made-in-china.com/products-search/hot-china-products/Money_Detector.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI1tmksJPa5gIVxYbVCh1PBg79EAAYAiAAEgJfrfD_BwE

https://www.alibaba.com/catalog/currency-detectors_cid51004?page=55&src=sem_ggl&cmpgn=126060740&adgrp=4641625940&fditm=&tgt=aud-802344953469:dsa-68290902815&locintrst=&locphyscl=9063091&mtchtyp=b&ntwrk=g&device=c&dvcmdl=&creative=160700076229&plcmnt=&plcmntcat=&p1=&p2=&aceid=&position=1t3&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI1tmksJPa5gIVxYbVCh1PBg79EAAYAyAAEgJSEfD_BwE

Click the links above and see how fake money is detected, though you have known how to make cash using human brain with coins, guava etc and with notes, strawberry, kales, carbage etc, they will still show fake under the above machine in that where the money is made like in Kenya Delaru they sprinkle something extra on top to bridge the difference like maize seed or just cereals to read real money which with yours if u fail its fake and that’s the gimmick. Those who still with the govt can still do with making fake money, so the way to go is eliminating liquid cash and putting it on comphonecash bro period. So got to know how many seeds that must be sprinkled on that vegetable used to make money to enable ya money pass the fake/real money test, so u cant but must be told by those involved in the money making as grapevine is a everyday reality after long time bro. So take heed never relenting bro!!!! Go back to ya nation period Mr Hindu or Italian. Or just a liquid being poured on top and which 1 in what amount dude, Got to know dat bro.

Chirombero in ksm was the tomb where John the baptized was cremated if near their ya lips grow big and Christ was born in Lilongwe as the name Capernaum or Lake Galilee and John was not arrested in Rome but in Lilongwe, lost coin and little kid to cement de trut. They love lake cities the Naphtali tribe b4 they went again to Europe and distributed tribes again. Africans go slow 4 the truth to be told or known, don’t know a lot and its all true lies bro

With that little u can get started, friends you have not heard me that with me little cant start with me, u wanna put up a fight, wanna force me with marriage, then well and good, am die a bachelor, u wanna box me still, dude, what do you want with me, I don’t wanna leave kids behind in this dirty world.

At the end of the turnel u see people being give guns as hurled to them from a source esp in Uganda, Gambia, Togo, countries at least with understanding not pro-white none-sense meaning as well the gadgets matches those of Europe or N-America, this signal war and u see the white men in Africa walking inspecting vehicle originality and they came to it, so if u watch soccer they relent as in want to be like Negros that their cash they share many people. That’s to ya good and we wanna know dat not, ya problem. Now they wanna stop saying African food don’t spoil the mind like previous not knowing what they read have been given to or copy pasted from another source. Whiteman don’t be fooled but hold ya stand period.

https://www.google.com/search?q=photos+of+syringe+and+needle+for+flu&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjxl-nrl9rmAhVSDmMBHQBqAhkQsAR6BAgJEAE&biw=1024&bih=648#imgrc=I0-AAP3VZVg6wM:

The link below show how at dusk the luo walk with such with unknown chemical inside wanting to grab ya if u fail to utter back in their dialect. They can infect ya with virus yet 1 of them signal ya its trump thing. Resign dude, ya time is up bro!!! Wanting ya food every now and then yet they got it in plenty than ya, kinda, stupid and sickening bro!!!

https://www.homify.co.za/ideabooks/2598572/13-south-african-homes-built-in-old-shipping-containers

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Good-quality-generator-parts_861525722.html?spm=a2700.details.maylikehoz.5.389e1e5cqZNhYu

https://www.google.com/search?q=office+chairs+photos&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjuv73cptjmAhWTCWMBHbnPCmoQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1024&bih=654

The chairs in the link above if u see some1 working in the office u resort to belittling them, why? They instill the negative fear of people who thwart peoples destiny and lovers of shiny bright things and bright kids r never loved coz the pretend to know alot than their ages to the point of belittling the elders.

I was treated good when sick in the hospital, friends it was milk on milk, I mean milk after milk.

This that changes ya character that upset people and u know not, drinking cold water, buying socks and vests every now and then. They make u insane or rude and u know not like Us blacks. Tissue papers are made with cotton wool in a container where many spit saliva or urinate on the offering while cassava as well is used to make automated security padlocks or just locks.

They say if u love free cheap things u might land up in hell, yes its true, even with harvesting rain water, but u got the remedy saying they had put nuts on ya belly that rot to give ya chronic tetanus and rain water eliminates such and that’s the reason 4 harvesting it, Friends don’t know a lot in this life yet you know less or not. Stop cashing into others affair, mind ya own business  bro.

By ng'amruok many women like in a circle with the offering  like hay, wool or chaff in the middle as well makes gadgets. Kuchora saba sana, making ya legs apart at reflex or obtuse angle make even houses like in the link below with garbage as the offering

https://www.bing.com/search?q=6+great+container+houses&qs=n&form=QBRE&sp=-1&pq=6+great+container&sc=0-17&sk=&cvid=BC21A711C137422DA1CDB04481AF5781

https://www.alibaba.com/countrysearch/CN/portable-house.html

With the above slams will be casted into junk heap of yesterday and every family will be able to live in a descent sanitary house.

When achieving justice, sometimes if u walk, kinda, u see like some1 or wind  pushing ya esp ya hand and back to the point u feel a touchy hand pushing u like a friend has done previously to show understanding and defeat of ya enemies bro. Get this straight on ya mind dude!!!

Get somewhere to hustle even if ya job has been  redeemed useless by new cameras and wireless alarm systems, don’t walk  around wanting good life to get into people houses to eat that you are  looking 4 precious food  job. Suffer bwana, don’t say u know how to look 4 things yet we got  wireless camera so u wanna say they rob u, your  dignity. Grow up and Mr Hindu and Uhuru, stop sponsoring this guys. In  the corridor they want  to like fight ya with their knife or eject the  arrow 2 hurl u with.

Woe to that city built on the hill, it will  be more tolerable than tire  and Sidon than that that kills the prophet,  John the Baptist was  transported from Rome to Mombasa and beheaded at  Fort Jesus. Will it  slide into see, women with Barabbas to cement the truth, sycamore tree  with zaccheaus

https://biblehub.com/luke/10-14.htm

So they killed Malcolm x in ny to say he was a prophet yet his writings he was  given in jail, same to Gandhi and MLK in Memphis- Raila was the 1 who  transfigured to the White X-military man and shot him, sharp shooter.

To take their wives as bible promise means they good women that bring  forth good behaved kids not disturbing ones, like Christ alluding with  fig tree. Most whites are kikuyu blooded bringing  disturbing kids and  many. Cut island men bring kids who disturb when have married other  women but the women when married good men bring good  kid, so I think it was cut island as the take their wives and they are  also found in  Florida, USA. Worker and vineyard parable to cement the  truth.

When grabbing ya manhood is an alt they start moving next  to ya in a bend  posture with their head down as if cleaning the dirt as  if you are  filthy yet some seconds ago wanted ya food, the greek blooded men as  many cut islanders got that blood. The luo are tolerated to give  greekamba, Mexican people curse and that’s the plan. They have more   stubborn bro!!!

No arab will dwell there, how? I think by the   slogan, there will be no arab means they will have been finished on   their dirty games of prostitution, making fake money, putting Arafat as  if they will not fall and no money to buy food as E-machines will have  declared gas redundant bro

https://biblehub.com/isaiah/13-20.htm

https://www.messianic-torah-truth-seeker.org/Fundamental/Salvation-PT1/yismael.html

The promise to Arab above was just written, the whites thought that Arab   will not be finished as they never thought of oil being redundant   period, as finished with E-vans, buses, vehicles as you can Google that.

https://topsionshoes.en.made-in-china.com/product/ICimSbnuXMWH/China-Anklesnow-German-Indian-Desert-Tactical-Kenya-Military-Shoes-Army-Boots.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIocPPqMbV5gIVE_zVCh3-aQopEAEYASAGEgLn8_D_BwE

https://chinaszbien.en.made-in-china.com/product/eSlEnqLKgcUz/China-Smartphone-Android-Dual-SIM-Card-WiFi-3G-A9-Mobile-Cell-Phone-16GB.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI1O-BrsbV5gIVydTeCh0V0wx-EAEYASAGEgL8GfD_BwE

http://www.msn.com/en-xl/europe/europe-top-stories/this-cybertruck-knockoff-out-of-russia-is-a-sight-to-behold/ar-BBYnzWU?li=AAB4QbD&ocid=iehp

E-faru link below from china

https://en.bab.la/dictionary/english-swahili/armored-car

https://www.made-in-china.com/products-search/hot-china-products/Solar_Generator.html

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Portable-Solar-trailer-for-240v-ac_60763419553.html?spm=a2700.7724838.2017115.110.2fd64901ykGWId

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Factory-Price-STC-Series-Generator-STC_1319041215.html?spm=a2700.7724857.normalList.150.5c302741fHhys5

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Protect-environment-complete-design-magnetic-power_60823583481.html?spm=a2700.7724838.2017115.302.2fd64901ykGWId

https://www.anern.com/Product-detail/All-In-One-Solar-Street-Light-SLA?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI0o7k2NjV5gIVZwLTCh1xiAO1EAEYASAAEgIh9fD_BwE

People who pride themselves after long became stubborn, they still wanna live large yet their dubious ways to dat life has been removed, better cut ya coat to ya size, scale down ya wants like the kisii people, Minnesota  thing everyday wid bank statement issue, following them to no good.

The devol will be hurled down 4 deluding the nations not on earth but in   hell from heaven out of the sermons by mlk purporting that it is his   after a coin is put in the palm of the hand to see the truth as well as  Nobel peace price in oslow by mlk and we are here where do we go from   here speech

https://biblehub.com/revelation/12-9.htm

The  white people and Nigro hide this as well they were not mlk things and   he risk being taken to hell and any1 claiming things which aint his bro.

The Burma people want some1 in the wife or hubby presence in his friends,   which if u fail they give ya names but if u accept can cut u with panga  or wanting to come and eat in ya house but its a signal of good things  to ya if that happens. The beauty is that they are few and we wanna  deal with them as identify that bad blood. They are jealousy of  progress,  never wanting people things but use dat trick bro which is  sickening to  the point of bringing their kids, usually they live a lazy lifestyle of  not knowing how they get their money. Some nija and hindu got this sad  character. They monitor those who can put food on table  and start  bothering them. It shows relief

Why do we go to  church? Now they  wanna say, dem pastors, since life has been made  cheap, we wanna  encourage young men to get partners to marry to  facilitate procreation  to add the offering in our bag but online cash  is handy to eliminate the monitored liquid cash. Online cash can be  phonecash or compcash, we  wanna pray 4 important men to gain fertility  and that’s our church duty, come bro

If u sleep with women as  prostitute with ya tribe blood u risk going to hell that’s why u r  encouraged to investigate, if any, so u quit u look 4 1 which got no ya  genes bro. Kisii got Saudi people  blood while Yankees got Bahrain,  Omani blood dude. Got 2 know this  dude!!

I want to erase any  thought of good life associated with  that am a survivor and the fact  that I want their pretty woman as I have put in some tumblr following me I copy pasted from another, so that if  am slain the next day they  don’t put in media “Good job well done” as  they did with Tm that they  have put a hold on me or gotten me. Removing  every doubt bro to bring  about mistaken identity. When u dislike posh  life they wanna attack ya  saying u want it, forcing the kikuyu blooded  men loving large life.

Another sense of good life to people who  don’t live that good is you see them  as a little kid smeared with fecal  matters as have not wiped out the  booty or to a woman when sited, kinda, the pussy turn ya head to that  woman. A lot of lorries with drones  inside but covered with relocating  house things like mattress in dat if  their is landslide or poisonous  gas emission they escape. The china made drones dat were brought in2 the country. Given to specific people mostly kisii, masai or kikuyou, in  their compounds testing them at night.

            Cat island  people are bad with people whom they see women to love, at that time  starts to stalk or harass a fellow  man when no 1 is in the vicinity.  Kikuyou men, luo men or luya got that  blood and the gaya got it maybe  on the mother side at that time, they  married their women but the  kikuyou married their men out of my thesis.  And Masai are lazy wanting  others food as if trump is the 1 telling them liasing with Uhuru. Even  trump got that blood of wanting to be a gay  and putting ya to lough  with him as if a woman has accepted ya but if u r down and him up he  doesn’t give a damn, character synonymous with  Floridians who as well  got the cat island character, Ci, cianda, stupig, matako in sheng. The  way Sydney poiter was treated in Miami b4 leaving 4 Florida is a lesson  to depict how they are always are. At night they  can grab ya manhood to caress it failure to which they cut/stab you to  death or even strangle ya, so its a 2 way phenomena. They want to seat,  lazy but don’t think  the very people who they frustrate are the  workaholic bro. They want  free things which can last like cash crop  while they put up in swag not words, bad character as those dubious ways to their survival have been blocked like with automatic locks,  shielding plane alternator 4 it not  to be electrocuted, no-fuel as  e-generator to eliminate cooking gas and govt wanting to increase  population to benefit from huge electric bill as water bill also and  many to use the new discovered oil deposits to  sell much oil as govt  revenue, internet penetration per house and things like payed TV decoder to benefit them widely. These in my following tumblr a/c has a  bottleneck so, women are to play part to avoid replicating kids with  such character, so its a blessing in disguise. They are even thieves,  wanna still from ya in no vicinity even kim of korea got this gene and  they meet to discuss their agenda as cat island blooded men. Most  Yankees are Malawi blooded, and Malawians are arab blooded as Kenya  kisii people got Malawi people blood of wanting to be 1st b4 white men,  to out shadow people. They wanna destroy the world, this world will be  peopled with their offspring and that’s the joy/pride of white man, what they long 4.

 Get to check my following followers for full information guys Make money bro by clicking the link below https://p1rmsbw.com/bonus-100-01/?id=13HJ&extid=EZA1scCd8Mv3FNKPeVHi4s&p=/user/registration/ http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/ghana/popular-ghanaian-movies-to-watch-in-2020/ar-BBYiqZN?ocid=ientp http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/africa-top-stories/four-killed-in-juba-nimule-highway-accident-police/ar-BBYm16V?ocid=ientp http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/kenya/kenya-gets-sh340m-food-aid-from-us/ar-BBYjt6X?ocid=ientp http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/nigeria/us-sends-special-message-to-nigeria-on-christmas-day/ar-BBYlRCH?li=BBQbcGp&ocid=ientp Ng'amruok mit ni!!!! Klismas ni achamo malalacha,  mojwangle, yesu emong'eyo.  Greenman at the door knocking. Click the  links below 4 more  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUjfWwqFcFI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DveNJhBH94 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2koLCaKIxdk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOUBXXKEPyI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zO8y0bdHXw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6H4YEiX6DRo You can save other browser apart from Mozilla like bolt or brave on ya   email drafts to use it to  open other a/cs that I that fellow think he   can change the email on it, he will never coz he doesn’t know that u did not use his on the cyber computer Tanta mounting to absolute nothing.   Or even open like 10 a/cs with a friend phone but with the same password while with email u put a number at the end like  erricollins1-10@yahoo.com. So with another 1 u open u just change the no so its no lost but in ya  mind and that’s how my crew do it bro, so got to think twice. Minaj with Austin, Tx I have heard or rumor has  it dat you are tinting my  name and to me that’s no good with you. My  friend I hope u know me, let  me say it in a drunk posture as well am  also tipsy “I bet nicki, you  will lick my  shoe na wewe Austin utakula  mabare” Simchezo, Deno  affirming tena  mabare za makofi. Jua Nelly G si  mchezo but Ni jina Kubwa hata tychus  ameakiri, yaani kuswear bro!!!  Minaj utalamba kiatu na Austin atapokea  ma blow, si za job but za  mabare. Must have opened the facebook a/c on  that computer in order 4 the hacker to  shift the email address on it,  so don’t waste ya time b4 u find out on  which computer the a/c was  opened. Ja-rule alludes that he bought his  lips and king kunta as  displayed in the songs in the link below https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRK7PVJFbS8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NQp9WGg7Rs Ndalo moi mana washomo migoshi in the link below, NY is built with tropical   water that must pass via the soil esp in Tz, Uganda and congo which if   known and the local resort to the same as processing the same beauty   soaps and harvesting the water so it doesn’t percolates unto the soil   many cities of the world will be no more like ny and Indian cities, so   looking 4 otherwise like to bring more people into E-Africa to increase  the no of people using Wi-Fi, internet penetration, electricity   penetration which if also is curbed with other modern ways like with   E-generators and solar leaves the GovT Plan in a limbo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MwuQWD0y1I In the link below the same way that house is made with inner steel plate   lining is how the tallest sky scrapper of the world is made, not with   concrete like the  short African ones, can collapse quickly if it goes up bro. Stop this silly games bro!!! https://lixin-steel.en.made-in-china.com/product/iswmaQnPOrhK/China-New-Design-Prefabricated-Building-Steel-Structure-Frame-Villa-Prefab-House.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsM7d2tfS5gIVF6F7Ch16CAaEEAEYASAGEgKoSvD_BwE https://cy-power.en.made-in-china.com/product/OjpJdIDLnWka/China-Marine-Diesel-Engine-Accessories-Stainless-Steel-Sea-Water-Pump.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsM7d2tfS5gIVF6F7Ch16CAaEEAEYASAEEgKzvfD_BwE http://www.msn.com/en-xl/europe/europe-top-stories/passengers-asked-to-leave-plane-as-it-is-too-heavy-to-fly/ar-BBYk8CR?li=AAB4QbD&ocid=iehp https://jiejingdianche.en.made-in-china.com/product/OXWxvqJuAcrS/China-Jekeen-Electric-Fast-Food-Truck-Mobile-Food-Cart-Trailer-Hot-Dog-Vending-Cart-Ice-Cream-Push-Cart-of-Dio.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsM7d2tfS5gIVF6F7Ch16CAaEEAEYASADEgL_dvD_BwE Its not the debate but the beef as well between the people who love the   country side and the town and its going on bro and that’s it dude https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JX3GEnMzQWc I had to get to the UsA to read the minds of African further then had to  come back to read the minds of the white more, without my travels I   could not have come with all my explanation on the following tumblr.   Click the link below 4  more https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ara1B9lYlUk Okwaju seed os, Hosana  when boiled can treat Aidsu, Chwaids, click the link below 4 more, Its  called Tamarind https://www.google.com/search?q=tamarind+tree+photos&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiuza6E3tLmAhW5DmMBHY9vB_IQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1280&bih=910 The locks in the link below are made at night near the SEA or at the sea   shore where Avocado seeds or animal bones or hard human fecal matter put in a container or just openly but in the total dark, where many   urinates or sprinkle the sea water unto them and boom the security   padlocks below, u can buy online https://www.made-in-china.com/multi-search/security%2Bpadlocks/F1/10.html  https://www.amazon.com/slp/high-security-padlocks/rv4f93ut4onn9h4 Being Glutton is 2 fold, with ya own money, well- its good and you can go but with no money, with others money and still wanting others food while    you got ya food still and this peculiar with Masai blooded tribes. Many  tribes are glutton but with their own food like many Negros or with   free food that is in surplus not wanting other food even if you got   yours in plenty. Mark my words dude and fuck that character. Its a   blessing in  disguise for those tribe to be curbed in getting to other   nations, u  might think u r making it big yet u r screwing it up 4 ya   future  generation like with Greencard and with the money gotten out of  liquid  cash to phonecash with backup booths like with telephone to   allow ya  still transact with no phone eliminates bank and such corrupt  tribes who sell bank statement to many at high price and have most of   their people in the banking sector will be jeopardized. My friends   charity begins at ya home and the time for reckoning is right here with  us bro!!! https://www.amazon.com/slp/auto-door-lock/bs68vmrmohdz74t https://vitoox.com/collections/all?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5760ss7L5gIVGJ3VCh3jRAhREAAYBCAAEgLjAfD_BwE https://www.amazon.com/SimpliPhi-Fuel-Free-Non-Polluting-Generator-Alternative/dp/B07WGX924N  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QZC1FV3/ref=psdc_348967011_t1_B07WGX924N https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07YKVGH1K/ref=psdc_348967011_t2_B07WGX924N https://www.amazon.com/Best-Sellers-Sports-Outdoors-Adult-Electric-Bicycles/zgbs/sporting-goods/3405141 https://lincelock.en.made-in-china.com/product/yNxntMeorWhZ/China-4-Digit-Heavy-Duty-Hardened-Steel-Shackle-Weatherproof-and-Outdoor-Combination-Padlock.html https://nordson.en.made-in-china.com/product/qCkEcrSDAvVY/China-Waterproof-Zinc-Alloy-USB-Charge-Bag-Locker-Cabinet-Keyless-Smart-Fingerprint-Safe-Door-Padlock.html https://cnlockman88.en.made-in-china.com/product/bqQEauOPRRYx/China-Brass-Combination-Password-Brass-Square-Type-Plated-Iron-Padlock-with-3-or-4-Dig-Digtals.html https://del-ev.en.made-in-china.com/product/CXzxoZNbyehR/China-HDK-Solar-Panel-EEC-Electric-Van-With-4-Seat.html With e-generator some how eliminates government supplied 1 and gas 4 cooking in the link below so its consequences is 2 fold. http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/kenya/raila-odinga-prepares-breakfast-for-family-on-christmas-day/ar-BBYkgCK?li=BBKhQr3&ocid=iehp https://www.made-in-china.com/products-search/hot-china-products/Electric_Cooker.html http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/kenya/president-uhuru-kenyatta-cancels-holiday-for-cabinet-secretaries-over-pending-bills/ar-BBYjSQV?li=BBKhQr3&ocid=iehp http://www.msn.com/en-xl/northamerica/northamerica-life-arts/cardi-b-and-offset-show-off-enormous-new-atlanta-mansion/ar-BBYm49r?li=AAB4QbD&ocid=iehp Get to check my following followers for full information guys Make money bro by clicking the link below https://p1rmsbw.com/bonus-100-01/?id=13HJ&extid=EZA1scCd8Mv3FNKPeVHi4s&p=/user/registration/ http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/ghana/popular-ghanaian-movies-to-watch-in-2020/ar-BBYiqZN?ocid=ientp http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/africa-top-stories/four-killed-in-juba-nimule-highway-accident-police/ar-BBYm16V?ocid=ientp http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/kenya/kenya-gets-sh340m-food-aid-from-us/ar-BBYjt6X?ocid=ientp http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/nigeria/us-sends-special-message-to-nigeria-on-christmas-day/ar-BBYlRCH?li=BBQbcGp&ocid=ientp Ng'amruok mit ni!!!! Klismas ni achamo malalacha,  mojwangle, yesu emong'eyo.  Greenman at the door knocking. Click the  links below 4 more  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUjfWwqFcFI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DveNJhBH94 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2koLCaKIxdk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOUBXXKEPyI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zO8y0bdHXw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6H4YEiX6DRo You can save other browser apart from Mozilla like bolt or brave on ya   email drafts to use it to  open other a/cs that I that fellow think he   can change the email on it, he will never coz he doesn’t know that u did not use his on the cyber computer Tanta mounting to absolute nothing.   Or even open like 10 a/cs with a friend phone but with the same password while with email u put a number at the end like  erricollins1-10@yahoo.com. So with another 1 u open u just change the no so its no lost but in ya  mind and that’s how my crew do it bro, so got to think twice. Minaj with Austin, Tx I have heard or rumor has  it dat you are tinting my  name and to me that’s no good with you. My  friend I hope u know me, let  me say it in a drunk posture as well am  also tipsy “I bet nicki, you  will lick my  shoe na wewe Austin utakula  mabare” Simchezo, Deno  affirming tena  mabare za makofi. Jua Nelly G si  mchezo but Ni jina Kubwa hata tychus  ameakiri, yaani kuswear bro!!!  Minaj utalamba kiatu na Austin atapokea  ma blow, si za job but za  mabare. Must have opened the facebook a/c on  that computer in order 4 the hacker to  shift the email address on it,  so don’t waste ya time b4 u find out on  which computer the a/c was  opened. Ja-rule alludes that he bought his  lips and king kunta as  displayed in the songs in the link below https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRK7PVJFbS8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NQp9WGg7Rs Ndalo moi mana washomo migoshi in the link below, NY is built with tropical   water that must pass via the soil esp in Tz, Uganda and congo which if   known and the local resort to the same as processing the same beauty   soaps and harvesting the water so it doesn’t percolates unto the soil   many cities of the world will be no more like ny and Indian cities, so   looking 4 otherwise like to bring more people into E-Africa to increase  the no of people using Wi-Fi, internet penetration, electricity   penetration which if also is curbed with other modern ways like with   E-generators and solar leaves the GovT Plan in a limbo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MwuQWD0y1I In the link below the same way that house is made with inner steel plate   lining is how the tallest sky scrapper of the world is made, not with   concrete like the  short African ones, can collapse quickly if it goes up bro. Stop this silly games bro!!! https://lixin-steel.en.made-in-china.com/product/iswmaQnPOrhK/China-New-Design-Prefabricated-Building-Steel-Structure-Frame-Villa-Prefab-House.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsM7d2tfS5gIVF6F7Ch16CAaEEAEYASAGEgKoSvD_BwE https://cy-power.en.made-in-china.com/product/OjpJdIDLnWka/China-Marine-Diesel-Engine-Accessories-Stainless-Steel-Sea-Water-Pump.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsM7d2tfS5gIVF6F7Ch16CAaEEAEYASAEEgKzvfD_BwE http://www.msn.com/en-xl/europe/europe-top-stories/passengers-asked-to-leave-plane-as-it-is-too-heavy-to-fly/ar-BBYk8CR?li=AAB4QbD&ocid=iehp https://jiejingdianche.en.made-in-china.com/product/OXWxvqJuAcrS/China-Jekeen-Electric-Fast-Food-Truck-Mobile-Food-Cart-Trailer-Hot-Dog-Vending-Cart-Ice-Cream-Push-Cart-of-Dio.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsM7d2tfS5gIVF6F7Ch16CAaEEAEYASADEgL_dvD_BwE Its not the debate but the beef as well between the people who love the   country side and the town and its going on bro and that’s it dude https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JX3GEnMzQWc I had to get to the UsA to read the minds of African further then had to  come back to read the minds of the white more, without my travels I   could not have come with all my explanation on the following tumblr.   Click the link below 4  more https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ara1B9lYlUk Okwaju seed os, Hosana  when boiled can treat Aidsu, Chwaids, click the link below 4 more, Its  called Tamarind https://www.google.com/search?q=tamarind+tree+photos&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiuza6E3tLmAhW5DmMBHY9vB_IQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1280&bih=910 The locks in the link below are made at night near the SEA or at the sea   shore where Avocado seeds or animal bones or hard human fecal matter put in a container or just openly but in the total dark, where many   urinates or sprinkle the sea water unto them and boom the security   padlocks below, u can buy online https://www.made-in-china.com/multi-search/security%2Bpadlocks/F1/10.html  https://www.amazon.com/slp/high-security-padlocks/rv4f93ut4onn9h4 Being Glutton is 2 fold, with ya own money, well- its good and you can go but with no money, with others money and still wanting others food while    you got ya food still and this peculiar with Masai blooded tribes. Many  tribes are glutton but with their own food like many Negros or with   free food that is in surplus not wanting other food even if you got   yours in plenty. Mark my words dude and fuck that character. Its a   blessing in  disguise for those tribe to be curbed in getting to other   nations, u  might think u r making it big yet u r screwing it up 4 ya   future  generation like with Greencard and with the money gotten out of  liquid  cash to phonecash with backup booths like with telephone to   allow ya  still transact with no phone eliminates bank and such corrupt  tribes who sell bank statement to many at high price and have most of   their people in the banking sector will be jeopardized. My friends   charity begins at ya home and the time for reckoning is right here with  us bro!!! https://www.amazon.com/slp/auto-door-lock/bs68vmrmohdz74t https://vitoox.com/collections/all?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5760ss7L5gIVGJ3VCh3jRAhREAAYBCAAEgLjAfD_BwE https://www.amazon.com/SimpliPhi-Fuel-Free-Non-Polluting-Generator-Alternative/dp/B07WGX924N  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QZC1FV3/ref=psdc_348967011_t1_B07WGX924N https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07YKVGH1K/ref=psdc_348967011_t2_B07WGX924N https://www.amazon.com/Best-Sellers-Sports-Outdoors-Adult-Electric-Bicycles/zgbs/sporting-goods/3405141 https://lincelock.en.made-in-china.com/product/yNxntMeorWhZ/China-4-Digit-Heavy-Duty-Hardened-Steel-Shackle-Weatherproof-and-Outdoor-Combination-Padlock.html https://nordson.en.made-in-china.com/product/qCkEcrSDAvVY/China-Waterproof-Zinc-Alloy-USB-Charge-Bag-Locker-Cabinet-Keyless-Smart-Fingerprint-Safe-Door-Padlock.html https://cnlockman88.en.made-in-china.com/product/bqQEauOPRRYx/China-Brass-Combination-Password-Brass-Square-Type-Plated-Iron-Padlock-with-3-or-4-Dig-Digtals.html https://del-ev.en.made-in-china.com/product/CXzxoZNbyehR/China-HDK-Solar-Panel-EEC-Electric-Van-With-4-Seat.html With e-generator some how eliminates government supplied 1 and gas 4 cooking in the link below so its consequences is 2 fold. http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/kenya/raila-odinga-prepares-breakfast-for-family-on-christmas-day/ar-BBYkgCK?li=BBKhQr3&ocid=iehp https://www.made-in-china.com/products-search/hot-china-products/Electric_Cooker.html http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/kenya/president-uhuru-kenyatta-cancels-holiday-for-cabinet-secretaries-over-pending-bills/ar-BBYjSQV?li=BBKhQr3&ocid=iehp http://www.msn.com/en-xl/northamerica/northamerica-life-arts/cardi-b-and-offset-show-off-enormous-new-atlanta-mansion/ar-BBYm49r?li=AAB4QbD&ocid=iehp Get to check my following followers for full information guys Make money bro by clicking the link below https://p1rmsbw.com/bonus-100-01/?id=13HJ&extid=EZA1scCd8Mv3FNKPeVHi4s&p=/user/registration/ http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/ghana/popular-ghanaian-movies-to-watch-in-2020/ar-BBYiqZN?ocid=ientp http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/africa-top-stories/four-killed-in-juba-nimule-highway-accident-police/ar-BBYm16V?ocid=ientp http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/kenya/kenya-gets-sh340m-food-aid-from-us/ar-BBYjt6X?ocid=ientp http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/nigeria/us-sends-special-message-to-nigeria-on-christmas-day/ar-BBYlRCH?li=BBQbcGp&ocid=ientp Ng'amruok mit ni!!!! Klismas ni achamo malalacha,  mojwangle, yesu emong'eyo.  Greenman at the door knocking. Click the  links below 4 more  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUjfWwqFcFI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DveNJhBH94 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2koLCaKIxdk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOUBXXKEPyI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zO8y0bdHXw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6H4YEiX6DRo You can save other browser apart from Mozilla like bolt or brave on ya   email drafts to use it to  open other a/cs that I that fellow think he   can change the email on it, he will never coz he doesn’t know that u did not use his on the cyber computer Tanta mounting to absolute nothing.   Or even open like 10 a/cs with a friend phone but with the same password while with email u put a number at the end like  erricollins1-10@yahoo.com. So with another 1 u open u just change the no so its no lost but in ya  mind and that’s how my crew do it bro, so got to think twice. Minaj with Austin, Tx I have heard or rumor has  it dat you are tinting my  name and to me that’s no good with you. My  friend I hope u know me, let  me say it in a drunk posture as well am  also tipsy “I bet nicki, you  will lick my  shoe na wewe Austin utakula  mabare” Simchezo, Deno  affirming tena  mabare za makofi. Jua Nelly G si  mchezo but Ni jina Kubwa hata tychus  ameakiri, yaani kuswear bro!!!  Minaj utalamba kiatu na Austin atapokea  ma blow, si za job but za  mabare. Must have opened the facebook a/c on  that computer in order 4 the hacker to  shift the email address on it,  so don’t waste ya time b4 u find out on  which computer the a/c was  opened. Ja-rule alludes that he bought his  lips and king kunta as  displayed in the songs in the link below https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRK7PVJFbS8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NQp9WGg7Rs Ndalo moi mana washomo migoshi in the link below, NY is built with tropical   water that must pass via the soil esp in Tz, Uganda and congo which if   known and the local resort to the same as processing the same beauty   soaps and harvesting the water so it doesn’t percolates unto the soil   many cities of the world will be no more like ny and Indian cities, so   looking 4 otherwise like to bring more people into E-Africa to increase  the no of people using Wi-Fi, internet penetration, electricity   penetration which if also is curbed with other modern ways like with   E-generators and solar leaves the GovT Plan in a limbo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MwuQWD0y1I In the link below the same way that house is made with inner steel plate   lining is how the tallest sky scrapper of the world is made, not with   concrete like the  short African ones, can collapse quickly if it goes up bro. Stop this silly games bro!!! https://lixin-steel.en.made-in-china.com/product/iswmaQnPOrhK/China-New-Design-Prefabricated-Building-Steel-Structure-Frame-Villa-Prefab-House.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsM7d2tfS5gIVF6F7Ch16CAaEEAEYASAGEgKoSvD_BwE https://cy-power.en.made-in-china.com/product/OjpJdIDLnWka/China-Marine-Diesel-Engine-Accessories-Stainless-Steel-Sea-Water-Pump.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsM7d2tfS5gIVF6F7Ch16CAaEEAEYASAEEgKzvfD_BwE http://www.msn.com/en-xl/europe/europe-top-stories/passengers-asked-to-leave-plane-as-it-is-too-heavy-to-fly/ar-BBYk8CR?li=AAB4QbD&ocid=iehp https://jiejingdianche.en.made-in-china.com/product/OXWxvqJuAcrS/China-Jekeen-Electric-Fast-Food-Truck-Mobile-Food-Cart-Trailer-Hot-Dog-Vending-Cart-Ice-Cream-Push-Cart-of-Dio.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsM7d2tfS5gIVF6F7Ch16CAaEEAEYASADEgL_dvD_BwE Its not the debate but the beef as well between the people who love the   country side and the town and its going on bro and that’s it dude https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JX3GEnMzQWc I had to get to the UsA to read the minds of African further then had to  come back to read the minds of the white more, without my travels I   could not have come with all my explanation on the following tumblr.   Click the link below 4  more https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ara1B9lYlUk Okwaju seed os, Hosana  when boiled can treat Aidsu, Chwaids, click the link below 4 more, Its  called Tamarind https://www.google.com/search?q=tamarind+tree+photos&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiuza6E3tLmAhW5DmMBHY9vB_IQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1280&bih=910 The locks in the link below are made at night near the SEA or at the sea   shore where Avocado seeds or animal bones or hard human fecal matter put in a container or just openly but in the total dark, where many   urinates or sprinkle the sea water unto them and boom the security   padlocks below, u can buy online https://www.made-in-china.com/multi-search/security%2Bpadlocks/F1/10.html  https://www.amazon.com/slp/high-security-padlocks/rv4f93ut4onn9h4 Being Glutton is 2 fold, with ya own money, well- its good and you can go but with no money, with others money and still wanting others food while    you got ya food still and this peculiar with Masai blooded tribes. Many  tribes are glutton but with their own food like many Negros or with   free food that is in surplus not wanting other food even if you got   yours in plenty. Mark my words dude and fuck that character. Its a   blessing in  disguise for those tribe to be curbed in getting to other   nations, u  might think u r making it big yet u r screwing it up 4 ya   future  generation like with Greencard and with the money gotten out of  liquid  cash to phonecash with backup booths like with telephone to   allow ya  still transact with no phone eliminates bank and such corrupt  tribes who sell bank statement to many at high price and have most of   their people in the banking sector will be jeopardized. My friends   charity begins at ya home and the time for reckoning is right here with  us bro!!! https://www.amazon.com/slp/auto-door-lock/bs68vmrmohdz74t https://vitoox.com/collections/all?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5760ss7L5gIVGJ3VCh3jRAhREAAYBCAAEgLjAfD_BwE https://www.amazon.com/SimpliPhi-Fuel-Free-Non-Polluting-Generator-Alternative/dp/B07WGX924N  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QZC1FV3/ref=psdc_348967011_t1_B07WGX924N https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07YKVGH1K/ref=psdc_348967011_t2_B07WGX924N https://www.amazon.com/Best-Sellers-Sports-Outdoors-Adult-Electric-Bicycles/zgbs/sporting-goods/3405141 https://lincelock.en.made-in-china.com/product/yNxntMeorWhZ/China-4-Digit-Heavy-Duty-Hardened-Steel-Shackle-Weatherproof-and-Outdoor-Combination-Padlock.html https://nordson.en.made-in-china.com/product/qCkEcrSDAvVY/China-Waterproof-Zinc-Alloy-USB-Charge-Bag-Locker-Cabinet-Keyless-Smart-Fingerprint-Safe-Door-Padlock.html https://cnlockman88.en.made-in-china.com/product/bqQEauOPRRYx/China-Brass-Combination-Password-Brass-Square-Type-Plated-Iron-Padlock-with-3-or-4-Dig-Digtals.html https://del-ev.en.made-in-china.com/product/CXzxoZNbyehR/China-HDK-Solar-Panel-EEC-Electric-Van-With-4-Seat.html With e-generator some how eliminates government supplied 1 and gas 4 cooking in the link below so its consequences is 2 fold. http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/kenya/raila-odinga-prepares-breakfast-for-family-on-christmas-day/ar-BBYkgCK?li=BBKhQr3&ocid=iehp https://www.made-in-china.com/products-search/hot-china-products/Electric_Cooker.html http://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/kenya/president-uhuru-kenyatta-cancels-holiday-for-cabinet-secretaries-over-pending-bills/ar-BBYjSQV?li=BBKhQr3&ocid=iehp http://www.msn.com/en-xl/northamerica/northamerica-life-arts/cardi-b-and-offset-show-off-enormous-new-atlanta-mansion/ar-BBYm49r?li=AAB4QbD&ocid=iehp Nyathi ma-magdalin ni ng'amruok ministry mit nee, okonyaldhi maong'le, says kebi. Oketo ng'amruok mbele says Richard!!!! Of what significance is church, whats ya agenda bro when all ya  expectations have been blocked explained in the following tumblr above,  Why do we go to church, to defeat what or to get what dude, let truth be told and we quit. Let us say we know where it came from and we stop but respect the  10 commandments and the constitution period. 4 how long we  are gonna play dice wit with words, just like with a woman if she refuse u quit or with school, u start learning and at a certain time  stop/finish learning same with church dude. Its sickening preaching the  same verse  everyday like akid who listens not who we don’t love but do  the exact  bro. The white man wanted to leave Africa again so they stop knowing what they have known and that’s why they dug Suez canal  but its 2 late, Cant destroy the gene anymore as every tribe have learnt the same like  automation, so its like a poison to them but we care not  as we can now  do ourselves. click the link below https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShOQQOy5pf8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOMUjX56xIk Warn us of the same china, what I send u on alibaba http://www.msn.com/en-xl/northamerica/northamerica-video/us-china-to-sign-deal-at-white-house-trump/vi-BBYlsqx?ocid=ientp http://www.msn.com/en-xl/money/finance-top-stories/china-says-it-is-in-close-touch-with-us-on-trade-deal-signing-ceremony/ar-BBYkzTN?ocid=ientp  

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Mini-portable-solar-generator-kit_60839757172.html?spm=a2700.7724838.2017115.551.3cf34901YpElL2            

Copy pasted without re-reading

olimptrade offices are  located in the carribeans and the Latin America have known how to make  sophisticated gadgets, so USA, Canada to be attacked from there, they  are very stupid and silly/sick. We wanna see!!!!!

With well down  explained mechanism at mrmonde tumblr a/c, still the plane falls, its up to ya mr laughing trump, click the links below

http://www.msn.com/en-xl/video/watch/12-killed-in-kazakhstan-plane-crash/vi-BBYppwq?ocid=iehp

http://www.msn.com/en-xl/video/watch/12-killed-in-kazakhstan-plane-crash/vi-BBYppwq?ocid=iehp

http://www.msn.com/en-xl/northamerica/top-stories/trump-condemned-for-retweeting-article-that-named-ukraine-whistleblower/ar-BBYpwFF?li=BBJGzsi&ocid=iehp

The link below show how u can cab electric car battery sudden pop up by making even a 60 volt wet cell or more or connect many 2 give ya the same, then u put a solar charger controller to accept dat current and give out 24 0r 12 volts, it can last even 4 1 week b4 it falls again to 1or below to stop the worry of everyday charging even if the car is in full use or the alternator made to charge another 1 of the same kind which if the working 1 falls below 12 volt u eject it out and replace it with the charged 1 to last the same or even with solar panel

http://www.msn.com/en-xl/money/autos/volkswagen-is-developing-mobile-autonomous-robots-that-drive-to-parked-electric-cars-to-charge-their-batteries/ar-BBYoTiW?ocid=iehp

http://www.msn.com/en-xl/money/autos/volkswagen-ahead-of-schedule-in-electric-cars-production/ar-BBYpw5h?ocid=iehp

https://cspower.en.made-in-china.com/productimage/oBXEmKwcEVWa-2f1j00KyUtVEFdEZof/China-25A-12-24-48V-MPPT-Solar-Charge-Controller.html

https://cspower.en.made-in-china.com/productimage/oBXEmKwcEVWa-2f1j00KyUtVEFdEZof/China-25A-12-24-48V-MPPT-Solar-Charge-Controller.html

Click the link below 4 more, vin modi saying, jomadong’o bwana, in disgust and owe, why fellow? Tell me at my instagram a/c mcsleepy nelson

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44AEyQJgvk8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5v61Rn_kWM

The link below of youtube show how to see a tumblr following followers as same with nelsonmcsleepy a/c

https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&ei=vH0MXunjJYaHjLsP-dKU-A4&q=how+to+see+one+tumblr+following&oq=how+to+see+one+tumblr+following&gs_l=psy-ab.3...126125.136735..137760...0.2..0.273.2479.0j6j6......0....1..gws-wiz.......0i71j33i10j0i8i67j0i13i30j0i30j0i8i10i30j0i8i30j0i8i7i30j0i8i7i10i30j0i8i13i30.H25pZJ53SBw&ved=0ahUKEwjpsd3MoeLmAhWGA2MBHXkpBe8Q4dUDCAo&uact=5

[2dtacokit-blog]

so this crush we are having... it’s like nothing i remember feeling? We are both building mix tapes for each other, drawing for each other, he wrote me poetry, we flirt through selfies and instagram knowing it will drive each other mad, we are almost wrecking each other by talking all night... and as we both live on other sides of the planet I have hardly slept in weeks. Video calling, writing love notes for each other, being very feely, torturing each other sexually over long distance like... This is a proper crush thing, i think it is also healthy. I think we really like him, like multiple parts like him, which makes me feel defensive and scared. He is a wonderfully, tender and sly human and we adore him. And i had to put it somewhere. When i talk to him i feel like the man i know i am, he sees me and my other parts, but never pushes for them like people used to. He makes us feel like a king.

I know it is stupid, he lives in Oregon, he is way too far away, this is gonna ruin us as the distance generates further longing but I just need to say, to the strangers on the internet... I am scared i may love him, and i shouldn’t, because it is a love that cannot realistically go anywhere, he is poly and whilst that is okay at times i am a jealous person and i would hate to restrain him. I dont want to be “that guy” who stops the other being who they are and i am still... not quite well enough to love and trust my feelings come from a healthy place. But we do. Fucking hell we do. As we write we are listening to the mixtape he made for my parts and I, and it is powerful hearing it. Listening to it with my other selves and hearing bits of us in each track but through the eyes of another on the other side of the dam universe. I have never made mixtapes for anyone, never spent so dam long drawing for someone, never had the more protective and feral Parts engaged before, never tried poetry before, never to my memory felt like this except with demons. And so i am terrified. But if we could, and we weren’t so skint and swamped in toddlers and responsibilities, i would be on that plane with a shit suitcase and a sketchbook to just... live on his floor surrounded by all his many kittens. 

It has been years since i had genuine affection directed at me that we mostly trust, that it makes us freeze and feel threatened, like we will just break down and a whole world of pain i try to hold back will come crashing around our feet, and they will be stuck with an emotional mess. 

Totally irrelevant to anything but just had to get it out of my system and stop going on about it to my BFF who is probably sick of it by now

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

Qi Flows for Her

Chapter Three

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC x Bucky Barnes  |  Word Count: 5296 Warnings: Swearing and angst

Celine sniffled softly as she unpacked her clothes. Crying never solved anything, just drained her more and gave her a headache.

She shouldn't be here. Charles should have sent someone else. It should have been Kitty or Storm. Hell, any of them would have been better than her. How was she ever to build relations between the two factions when the majority of her new teammates looked at her with suspicion?

And then her foolish pride had gotten the better of her. She never should have told the Black Widow her name. The agitation would only grow now. Steve and Bucky would look at her with distrust. Peter would fear her. No one would be comfortable in her presence.

Yet, here she stood, suitcase open, unpacking. Feared or not, she had a job to do. She could not go home until Charles allowed it. She was stuck here in her metal cage, and she was starving.

How ironic.

All those people, all that lifeforce, and she couldn't even touch it. The cramps had not been this intense in years. So much energy wasted. Had she been able to plant her shield and ground her force, the truck would have smashed into it and stopped. Instead, it had plowed straight into her, knocking loose the hold she'd had on her chi, allowing it to dissipate back into the universe instead of drawing it into her body. Add in the energy used to heal her broken ribs and shattered hip, it felt as if she hadn't fed in weeks.

Clamping a hand to her stomach, she bent nearly double in pain. If she wasn't able to leave to hunt, if all she could do was feed off the negative, she would have to be much more careful. Damaging her body would cause her chi to deteriorate so much faster.

They better learn to trust me quickly… Celine sighed, if they didn't, she could get very sick, very fast. Living on negative emotions was like eating a diet of fast food. It sustained her, but it sure wasn't good for her.

Already she missed the heightened state of the school. The sexual tension which ran rampant. Even the thought of it made her salivate. The school was like a smorg of delightful treats. She was always well fed off the rowdy state of the hormonal teenagers.

Here, it was too quiet. What close energy was available was tense, her doing she knew, volatile and fluctuating, but with so few bodies around, and all teammates, she couldn't even take a tentative sip. The hunger filled her with such despair, to the point she’d almost given in to the tears when a knock at the door thrust her back into the real world.

Celine swiped at her face and went to open it, revealing a rather angry looking Barnes. “Sergeant?”

“I already told you it's Bucky.” He frowned, and she dropped her gaze to the floor.

“Something you need?” Had they sent him to get rid of her?

A large, warm hand cupped her cheek. “Dollface, are you okay?”

Shocked, she jerked against his hand. “I'm fine,” Celine whispered, walking away before the tears fell for a whole new reason, but she left the door open.

“No, you ain’t,” he stated, taking the open door as the invitation to enter it was. “Don't let what Nat said get you down. She's overprotective.”

“It is Natasha for whom you should worry. You should all fear for your lives. Is that not the sensible thing to do when faced with the bogeyman?”

He snorted in derision. “Celine, I was the bogeyman for 60 years. You don't scare me.”

She slammed her hand down on the back of the sofa. “Why? Why don't I scare you? I scare everyone once they know, once they figure out I'm Styx. I know Natasha told you. She was itching to the moment I told her.”

“So why tell her?”

“She made me angry!” Celine cried. “It is like being the new kid at school all over again! Pecking order! Pecking order! Who fits where? Who is the most powerful? Who's dick is biggest!” She threw her hands up in anger and winced when her back spasmed. “I want no part of it!” Tears of both pain and anger burned her eyes, and she thrust her palms against them, forcing herself to calm down. “This is why I work alone.” Heaving a heavy sigh, she crossed her arms over her stomach and stared at the carpet. “Forgive me. I am not usually so… reactive.”

“You have every right to be.”

Steve's voice coming from the open doorway made her wince. Now both had been witness to her meltdown. “It does not justify purposely instigating something with Ms. Romanoff. I usually have better control than this.” Celine shook her head. “I should phone Charles. Make other arrangements.”

“No!” They said together.

She darted a glance up and would have taken a step back if not for the sofa behind her. They stood before her, very close, completely silent in their approach. It startled her. Not many could sneak up on her in such a way.

“You wanna get outta here, Celine?” Steve asked.

“I thought I was under house arrest?”

“Who's to say we can't go out with you? That constitutes supervision.” Bucky grinned smugly at Steve.

“Really?” she whispered, shocked by their kindness. Guilt mixed with a touch of pity flared in both their auras. Perhaps she'd sounded a little desperate.

“Ya, doll. We never did get to eat, and there's a great pizza place not far.” Steve nodded toward the door.

“I would love that!” Perhaps she could convince them to walk with her, maybe slip into a club where she could feed.

“Just out and back though. Early start tomorrow.”

Steve's words set her heart plummeting. Still, it was out, and she'd make it work. “Great! A small outing in the city is better than nothing when you're new,” she agreed.

Both looked at her lips then quickly away, and she toned down her allure. They just made it so easy. They were edible, and she didn't mean only their energy.

***

The pizza was, indeed delicious, and she’d relished every bite. Though it filled the void, it did nothing to abate her hunger. While laughing softly at what Steve and Bucky had to say, she paid close attention to the patrons in the restaurant.

It was quite busy, and they were quite famous, but nobody paid them any mind. Both men did an adequate job of hiding their identities. Steve had tossed on a ball cap and black-framed glasses, and a pulse had driven to life in her center for he looked nerd sexy all of a sudden. Celine didn’t really have a preference when it came to sex appeal, but she had to admit, Steve made nerdy look hot.

Bucky, too, had thrown on a ball cap, tucking his hair up beneath it. It left the sleek cut of his jaw on display. The nice long arch of his throat with the stubble of his well past five o’clock shadow had her wondering what it would be like to kiss him there. Lick him there. Bite down and nibble under his jaw where his pulse hammered and the chi flowed strongly.

She was so intent on the two soldiers who were regaling her with tales of the war and their time as Howling Commandos, she almost missed her opportunity. When the large man, thick with muscle, stood to his feet and headed for the bathroom, Celine stood up as well.

“Little girl’s room?” she asked casually.

“Oh, uh, back there.” Steve motioned, a touch flustered.

She patted his shoulder and sauntered away, continuing to think him utterly adorable in his moments of shyness. Once she made it to the hallway, she reached out with her senses to ascertain whether the men’s room was empty of all but the big man. Finding it clear, she snuck inside and turned the lock with a quiet click.

“Uh, lady? Wrong room,” said the man struggling to tuck and zip.

“I don’t think so,” Celine purred, unleashing her allure on him. Her skin gleamed, her eyes glowed, and her hair took on a distinct wave as she glided across the floor toward him. “You want me.”

His eyes had already grown dark with lust. “Yah, look at you.” His aura spiked with pinks and reds, blues and greens.

“Do you lust for me?” she crooned, sitting on the edge of the sink and hiking her dress up her thighs.

“Ya, fuck yeah.” He half walked, half stumbled toward her.

Celine drew him between her legs and fogged his mind further, holding him still as she slipped inside his vision. “Show me what you want,” she whispered and stroked her hand gently down his chest.

She watched the desire play out in his mind. One which consisted of him dropping his pants and fucking her hard and wild against the sink. Feeding it, she laced more lust, more moans, more heat into his vision. As he approached his peak, his body still and unmoving before her while his mind did all the work, Celine opened her eyes. His aura was the perfect colour as she urged his release closer.

“That’s it, that’s right, baby. You’re such a good fuck. So hot and hard. What a nice dick you have.”

He groaned, and his hips jerked in the real world as she began to feed. It was pleasurable for her partner. Even as their energy was siphoned away, when done so in lust with their mind active elsewhere, it felt euphoric. It was not so when she was working and fed on fear.

Still, his taste was everything she’d hoped for, and she sipped gently, taking only what she needed to abate her hunger and no more, knowing it would still leave him weak and a little lethargic.

She rested her hand against his cock, hard and throbbing in his jeans, and rubbed him gently through his pants. It wasn’t something she usually did, but he was so tasty he deserved a little something extra. “You going to come, baby?”

“Fuck…” he groaned.

Celine sipped slowly, squeezed him firmly, and felt him swell and erupt beneath her palm. She drank in his final explosion of energy which came with his release, revelling in the sweet ambrosia. “Oh, baby. You’re so good to me,” she moaned, feeling a hundred percent better.

While he panted and quaked against the counter, she slipped off the sink, tweaked his memory of her slightly, and walked to the door. “Thanks, baby. Don’t forget to clean yourself up,” she called as she checked for people in the hall. Finding no one, she turned the lock, peeked through and darted out to head back toward her table.

She smiled brightly as she slid in beside Bucky. “Dessert?”

Steve eyed her questioningly before leaning closer. “You look better. Have a little pick-me-up while you were back there?”

“A lady never tells,” she grinned, tapping the side of her nose.

“If you were hungry, Celine after what happened in the garage you could have told us.” Bucky’s eyes and voice were full of accusation. “We can’t help you if you don’t tell us the truth.”

Celine looked down at her hands. “I…” She bit her lip and shook her head. “I lost a great deal of strength when I was unable to ground against the pickup. I lost my connection to my chi.”

“You mean how it blew up like fireworks instead of how you pulled it back in during the demo?” Steve asked.

She arched a brow and gave a wry smile. “How observant of you.”

“It’s what I do.” Steve shrugged as he pulled out his wallet and tossed bills on the table.  “Let’s take a walk. I think you’ve got some explaining to do.”

As they stood to leave, she noticed the man she’d fed on saunter back out to his table. There was a goofy smirk on his face, and he flopped down beside his friends where he chugged most of a glass of water. Good. He’d be fine, likely boast about his prowess and the woman who’d jumped his bones in the bathroom.

She walked out quickly, not needing her two teammates to hear the sordid details of his apparent tryst. They were clearly highly intelligent and observant men. She’d need to be careful in the future.

“So,” Steve said, placing his hand on her back. “Explain this to us.”

Celine did her best to ignore the heat which washed over her with his touch. It stoked a flame to life, one fed by the hum of the sexual energy she’d absorbed. Wetness grew between her legs and dampened her underwear. She hadn’t even grown warm with the man in the bathroom, but Steve’s casual touch lit her on fire.

Then, Bucky’s fingers closed around her elbow.

The second point of contact nearly made her moan. Not good, not good. She’d never been so attracted to anyone as she was these two. These two soldiers, a step out of time, being the gentlemen they were raised to be, performing this intrinsic dance of touch and guide which wasn’t present in today’s society turned her on something fierce. If she didn’t get out from under their caress soon, she was going to do something highly inappropriate.

Gently removing her elbow from Bucky’s grasp, she stepped away from Steve and turned to face them. “You are both quite tactile.”

“Is that a problem, doll face?” Bucky asked.

They looked at her like hunting wolves. Like starving wolves, and she was a fat, juicy lamb. She wasn’t even trying, her appeal nearly non-existent, yet they looked like they could lick their lips at any moment.

Celine looked away. “Sometimes.”

“Hands to ourselves. Got it,” Steve said with a nod, motioning for her to continue down the sidewalk.

She flinched at the hurt in his aura. It hadn’t come through in his voice, but she could still feel it. With a sigh, she held out her hands, one to each. When they only raised a brow, appearing even more like brothers, she shook her hands impatiently. “Just give!”

Both large hands engulfed hers, and she jerked them into the alley.

“I will explain this only once and do not need an audience. Feeding heightens my senses. You two oversized soldiers radiate energy like the sun. Touching you afterward feels like this.” Channelling her chi into her hands, Celine gave them both a jolt. While it contained none of the desire she was suffering from and little of the sexual residue she’d fed on, it would feel like holding a live wire to someone unused to it.

“Fuck!” Bucky hissed, gloved hand landing on the wall beside him.

“Damn, Celine.” Steve’s hand tightened.

Celine yanked hers away and stepped swiftly backward. “At those times, it’s best you do not touch me.”

“Roger that,” they said together, looking a little shell-shocked.

She walked out of the alley with the two men to either side of her, close but no longer touching her. It was a relief and a disappointment. She liked the comfort of their touch. Physical touch was something sorely lacking in her repertoire.

Charles had always been casual about touching her hand or arm, but it wasn’t as if he was a hugger. Rogue couldn’t touch anyone without being completely covered, and Logan was so not touchy-feely.  The rest… preferred she didn’t try. But both Steve and Bucky had been very casual about the whole thing, touching her back or arm. Bucky had even touched her face.

“Celine?”

“Yeah, right.” She jerked her thoughts back to the present as they walked along the busy street and crossed at the light to walk through the streetlamp lit paths of Central Park where the pedestrians thinned out at this late hour. “I wasn’t able to ground my power earlier. Chi is life energy. It’s everywhere though I can only absorb it from other people. When my shield went up, I wasn’t fast enough to get it grounded, tied into the strength of the earth. The truck was a much bigger projectile than say a bullet. A flick of the wrist and I can stop a bullet with ease. Had I got my shield grounded, it would have been as solid as a wall. The truck would have stopped as if it had hit one. Instead, it was not quite complete, and it came through the shield and hit me.”

“You said you… lost your connection with your chi?”

She glanced at Bucky. “Yes. I redirect energy. So I pull it from within to use it out here,” she made a vague motion indicating the outer world, “then, draw it back inside. Because I was momentarily stunned I… let go… I guess would be the best explanation, of my energy. Like holding a tiger by the tail. You release it, it’s going to run away.”

“I see.”

Looking up at Steve, she smiled. He was nodding, a look of intrigue on his face.

“Once I came to, my body healed itself using my reserves. Had I managed to hold onto my chi, I would not have needed to feed, but…” She shrugged and trailed off.

“So you lied when you said you were fine in the garage.” Harsh eyes glared at her, and another accusation fell from Bucky’s lips.

Stopping, she looked between the two of them when they turned to glare at her. “Physically I was mostly fine.”

“What’s mostly mean?” Steve demanded.

“I had some bruises left.”

“And before you did your healing trick?” Bucky snarled softly.

Celine frowned. “That, Sergeant, is none of your business.”

“As Captain of this team it sure as shit is mine!” Steve barked.

“As the outcast of this team, I’m perfectly fine with keeping it to myself!” Celine shouted.

Both jerked like she’s slapped them. “Now wait one damn minute!”

“No, you wait!” she snapped, pointing at Bucky. “I have taken care of my own shit since I was five years old! I don’t need two overgrown nannies getting all up in my business. I got hurt, I healed, I fed. End of story.”

“We’re not trying to get up in anything,” Steve said. “We’re your teammates, we’d like to be your friends, but you’re sure not making this easy, doll.”

Stunned, Celine stepped back. “You… you don’t know me. You can’t… you can’t… I don’t have friends. Two substitute father figures and a sister, yes, but I don’t have friends. You can’t be my friends. I can’t have friends!”

Panic filled her, overwhelming and breath-stealing, and Celine ran into the dark night. Ran for the comfort of shadows and silence. Ran beneath the silver light of the moon she was named for. It’s beams coated her in cool light, seeming to try to appease the raging pain inside her.

Her nature changed with her brokenness, hair twisting into coils deepening into a black which rivalled the night sky. She ran until she reached the edge of a large lake, finally stopping at the water line. Barefoot, having lost her shoes in her mad flee, Celine walked into the water and let the cold soothe the fire in her blood.

Pain, anger, despair, all raged inside her. The past which haunted her became her present, forcing her to relive old, painful memories, and she lifted her hands, buried her fingers in her hair and wailed. Just screamed to the sky. The inhuman sound filled the air and rang through the silence. It was as beautiful and haunting as she was.

It killed her, her inability to be anything but alluring.

“I can’t do this,” she whispered, unable to hold back the tears any longer. “Why, Charles? Why me?” Falling to her knees, she plunged her hands into the water.

***

She was fast, they’d give her that, but she was also glowing like a candle between the trees.

He had no idea what he’d said to scare her, but Steve wasn’t about to let the woman go. In an instant, she’d gone from angry to perplexed to terrified. It killed him to know it was his words which had sent her fleeing like a deer.

Knowing they were approaching the lake, they split a few feet apart, determined to stop Celine from escaping down the shoreline. They were so well versed in the others moves, he and Bucky slowed at the same time without bothering to check with the other, walking silently from the trees as a very different looking Celine walked into the water.

Stunned, Steve could only stare in amazement.

Vision had said Styx was the name of a goddess from Greek mythology. He could see how Celine had acquired her name.

The lush, straight hair which usually fell down her back had become thick, black curls. They seemed to shimmer with sparkles of light. The night sky and stars above were reflected in those locks. Her skin had grown milk pale, the same silver as the moonlight. When her hands lifted, he noticed her nails were long and dark, as black as her hair. It was a startling contrast to the unpainted ones he’d remembered seeing at dinner. But it was hearing her scream, the sound a howl of a wounded creature, so hauntingly beautiful, like a wolf baying to the moon, which ripped open his heart.

Glancing at Bucky, he was certain his face reflected the same look of anguish and determination. Steve was quick to stride forward, managing to catch her whispered words. They broke his heart all over again. When Buck had said she was broken, he hadn’t really believed it. How could a woman who was so damn beautiful be broken? But he should have known. One wounded soul could always recognize another and looks mean little to what was buried on the inside.

Her collapse into the water sent him lurching forward. “Celine, baby, no.”

She looked up, and he fell into her eyes. “Wow…” Fully gold, they were what he imagined a goddess’s eyes would look like.

“Don’t!” She jerked her face away. “Don’t look at me!” Her cheeks were wet with tears.

Steve ignored the way she curled in on herself and lifted her up, half dragging, half carrying her from the water. Once on the shore, he cupped her face. “Why wouldn’t I look at you? You’re beautiful, Celine.”

“I know!” she wailed, the sound heartbreaking a second time. She jerked away only to run smack into Bucky.

He grabbed her by the elbows. “Easy, doll… face… whoa,” he murmured, stroking her hair back behind her ear.

“Please, don’t…” she begged, voice full of despair. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Why would you hurt us?” Steve asked, stepping closer, caging her between the two of them.

“It’s in my nature…” she whispered. “I hurt you, or you hurt me. It’s my curse. Like my face.”

Placing his hands on her waist, Steve leaned into her back. A shudder wracked her spine, and a whimper left her throat. “You’re not going to hurt us, Celine, and we would never hurt you. Ain’t that right, Buck?”

Bucky shook his head and lifted her arms up to wrap around his neck. “Never,” he agreed, leaning forward to press her further into Steve, holding the broken woman between them. “You don’t scare us, darlin’. You’re not big enough,” he chuckled softly.

“I could kill you both in an instant, and there is nothing you could do to stop me,” she whispered.

“Would you?” Steve asked, sliding a hand around her waist to hold her tighter.

“No.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Bucky asked.

She looked up, and Steve watched the awe wash over his best friend’s face. “That is the problem,” she whispered. Then, her bright candle glow went out.

Steve startled and stepped back, shocked at his forwardness. Bucky, too, looked stunned when she pulled away.

Celine’s smile was sad, her posture small and full of guilt. She was back to the beauty she’d been from the first, but the goddess who’d fallen to her knees in the lake was gone. “Thank you, for wanting to be my friend, but I… I can’t. It’s best if we are, simply, teammates. Forgive me my outburst. I promise to be much more professional come morning.”

“What… what just…?” Bucky scrubbed a hand over his mouth.

She wouldn’t look at them and twisted her fingers together. “It’s my nature.”

Steve couldn’t read auras, but he didn’t need to, to see the pain wash over Celine. “Celine.” She finally lifted her head, and his heart shattered. He’d never seen such brokenness, such absolute desolation in someone’s eyes before.

“I’m tired, Cap. Lost and filthy. Can we just forget this happened?” Her amber eyes pleaded for understanding.  

He would give it… for now. “Sure, Celine.” He reached for her, watched her recoil, and felt pain pierce what was left of his heart. “You’re gonna wreck your feet, doll. You want me to forget this, then let me help you.”

She bit her lip, eyes downcast again, but gave a slow nod.

Not giving her a chance to change her mind, Steve slung her up in his arms. The stiffness of her body hurt him as much as the earlier rejection. A glance at Bucky showed he appeared just as devastated. “We’re gonna go in the back way.” He doubted she’d be impressed if anyone else saw her like this.

“Thank you,” she whispered, relaxing enough to rest her head on his shoulder.

He closed his eyes for a brief moment, more pain ripping into his heart, and breathed in the scent of her hair. She smelled like exotic spices. With a silent sigh, he nodded to Bucky and headed for the tower.

***

Celine sat on the floor of her shower and let the water run over her. She'd nearly done it again.

Friends…

She couldn't have friends. Friends turned on each other. Friends stabbed each other in the back. Friends eventually became enemies. In the end, enemies tried to kill you.

She hugged her knees and fought desperately against the memories trying to surface. Ones of laughter and camaraderie. Of happiness. Of first stolen kisses and fleeting touches. Of betrayal. Of accusations, anger, and pain. She couldn't let them surface. They were her past. This was her future. The two could not mingle. She couldn't, wouldn’t let history repeat itself. She'd caused too much pain the first time.

“Celine…”

The voice whispered in her mind. “Go away, Charles. You and I aren't currently speaking.”

“Went that well did it, darling?”

“You're a right git!”

“Celine, language,” he chastised gently.

“Why am I here, Charles? The truth! They don't want me, and I sure as shit don't belong.”

“You have spent too much time with Logan.”

“Charles, no games.”  She was too tired for games.

A soft sigh fluttered in her brain. “There are things you must learn. The Avengers can teach them to you.”

“What things!?”

“If I told you that, how would you ever learn them for yourself?”

“That's a game, Professor!” she snapped.

“You cannot tell me they all don't want you?”

She cringed. “Yes, all. After tonight… all.” Steve and Bucky hadn't said a word, just deposited her before her door and walked away.

“Celine? Show me!” he demanded.

“Why should I?” She sounded like the petulant, pouting teenager she’d once been and knew it.

“Celine Ena!”

“Fine! You're so damn pushy!” She gave a heavy sigh and showed him her shame. His silence had her cringing.

“Ghealach beag,” he said quietly.

Love and comfort filled her mind. “Charles…” She sobbed into her hands. He hadn't called her little moon in years.

“You are too hard on yourself, Celine. The mistakes of your past are not ones you will make now. You know better. You're stronger.”

“I almost…” She shook her head, voice choked.

“No, you did not. You simply became Styx before them.”

“And they fell! I don't want to hurt them. Charles!” The cry was all despair and desperation.

“Give the Captain and the Sergeant more credit, Celine. They are not boys.”

“I won't take the chance! If I turned them against each other…”

“Celine,” he sighed.

Celine scrubbed at her face. “No. No, I'll do the job, Charles. I'll work with them, be part of the team, but I won't be more than that. I can't!” she cried, getting to her feet and turning off the water.

“Enfant obstiné,” he muttered.

“First the Gaelic and now French? You really are miffed at me.” And she wasn't a stubborn child.

“Yes, you are. Do not block them out, Celine.” His presence faded with the final warning.

“What do you know?” she huffed, both in indignation and frustration. He wasn't telling her something, clearly, but until Charles chose to speak, she would know nothing.

“Learn from the Avengers…” She almost snorted before catching sight of herself in the mirror. Her colour was off. “Fuck!” she hissed vehemently, reached for her reserves and sighed when she touched them.

She wasn't hungry yet, but she wasn't as replete as she had been after her snack at the pizza place. Another waste of energy, all that grief at the lake. This was why she preferred to be alone. Other people disconcerted her too much. Other people required effort and feelings.

She was out of her element. Floundering. If she didn't get it together and soon, this was all going to go up in flames around her.

Wrapping her hair in a towel, she went to get ready for bed, determined to block all the Avengers from her mind. Once she disconnected from them, she would be able to breathe.

***

Bucky sat brooding on the couch in Steve's room nursing a glass of whiskey which would do very little to him. It was a habit more than anything, but the fiery burn down his throat was a reminder of his past life. Drinking was not something HYDRA had allowed him, so he did it now as a symbolic fuck you.

Steve was sitting across from him, nursing his own glass, and brooding just as deeply.

“What the fuck just happened?” Bucky finally asked, unable to remain silent any longer.

“I don't know.” Steve sighed and rubbed at his forehead. “I scared her bad, Buck.”

“Don't think it was you, Steve, so much as something you touched on by accident.” He downed the rest of his glass, hissing at the burn in his throat. “She doesn't have friends. Maybe she did once. Maybe it went bad. Real bad if that's her reaction.”

“She didn't want us to look at her, either. For all Nat's talk about Styx, what I saw tonight was a woman who feared what she was.” Steve downed his own glass. “Maybe even hated it. When she was mad earlier, she'd said, I am a person, no matter how much my mutation has taken from me.”

Bucky grunted. “What the fuck happened in her past? Who the hell hurt her so badly?”

“I don't know, Buck. I don't know.”

“Taking care of my own shit since I was five years old.” He rested his elbows on his knees and bent over them. “Five, Jesus!” He couldn't even imagine what kind of life she'd had.

“It's my curse, like my face. What the hell is she that she’s so damn scared of herself? What is it she thinks she'll do?” Steve wondered.

As if on cue his phone rang. He frowned at the secure line but picked it up. “Rogers.”

“Captain.”

“Professor.” His eyes snapped to Bucky's as both of them sat up straight.

“I was hoping to speak with you for a moment about Celine.”

Wary, Steve said, “Alright.”

“I do hope she hasn't caused a commotion. She can be a bit… high strung.”

Steve felt himself bristle at the insinuation. “She's been nothing but professional,” he snapped.

“Excellent.” A sound of amusement filled Charles’ voice. “Her power is quite impressive. It tends to scare people.”

“Celine doesn't scare us.” Again he found the professor's words upsetting. Was this the kind of put down negative thinking she was subject to? Coming from someone, she'd labelled her surrogate father?

“Are you certain, Captain? I could always call her home. Replace her with another X-Men more … suitable?”

“Celine suits us fine. We want her as part of the Avengers. End of story.”

A chuckle was heard on the other end of the line. “Very well, Captain. Good night.”

He hung up, and Steve had the overwhelming desire to chuck his phone at the wall. But then, Maria would give him shit for breaking another one. “Fuck!” he swore instead, earning a raised brow from Bucky.

“This is some screwed up. I don't give a flyin’ fart what she said. I'm going to find a way through, Stevie. She needs friends.”

“She needs a real family.” Steve agreed. “We've got to stop looking at her like she's the enemy.”

“Starting tomorrow, we chip away at that wall of hers,” Bucky stated, getting to his feet.

“Yeah. I'm with you, pal.”

“Till the end of the line, punk,” Bucky said, heading for his own rooms.

Next Chapter

[1dreamy]

hannah birthday/appreciation post!! 😌🎁💌

hannah *** my sunshine..... bitch.... i love u so much :( this is probably gonna be a huge sappy unorganized mess but i wanted to make this post to dump all my love about u on this Hellsite!! 😚@soyeon​

ngl, one of the few reasons i decided i wanted to come back to tumblr was because i missed u so much!!! and u wouldnt come back to sc or ig smh :/  but lasjdfsadf tbh as much as i hate this Site im so glad i came back bc ur such a light in my life!! u r someone who has a bright and super sweet aura ✨✨ (if that makes sense?) u are so loving to basically everyone u meet and especially towards your friends <33 (so beautiful INSIDE AND OUT BIH LIKE SRSLY IM.... DONT GET ME STARTED ON UR LOOKS I LOVE UR EYEBROWS U KNOW THAT ALR BC I SAY IT SO OFTEN HAHA BUT!!!! pls i could go offffffff but i will refrain bc this is already gonna end up as like a 2K word paper) like... our meetup last summer was so random and spontaneous lmfao thinking back idk how i was so BOLD?? but even tho we had only been talking for a couple of weeks u still took the time to make me a whole ass bracelet and letter!!!!! 😓😓(also wow tragic how i forgot to give u ur gifts... like that was so sad yike)  like no wonder u have so many people who love u!! (even if u dont realize it)...  just scrolling thru ur blog can deadass brighten anyone’s day up?? which is like: h o w!!! maybe u are secretly an angel ;-) when u made that mutual mention post and mentioned me as “sun/sunshine” i was like :0!!!!! bc THATS UUUUU for me and my life!! ☀️ im so glad we could be each other’s source of light and happiness and i cant wait for AUGUST 👀❤️bc we will for sure make some amazing new memories :’)

okay... now onto the birthday part (this is as organized as its gonna get) BUT HANNAH!!!!!!!! U R OFFICIALLY A SWEET 16 YR OLD LOL!!! 💛(i feel so fucking old holy shit wow) i rly cannot believe ur 16 bc like??? idk we click so well and id never expect myself to be such good friends w someone younger than me??? also v ironic bc when we hung out we could defs see that i was the baby out of the two of us YIKES i have many more new stories of paranoia i have to share w u laksdfsdf 😩even tho ur junior year is coming up and its gonna be Tuff.. we will be able to suffer together,, watch u get more work than me HAHA ur school is wildin;; but im so excited for the amazing things u are about to accomplish and remember that ill always be here to support u no matter what 😙💖💖! u are such a hardworker im. wow

lastly,, i hope u have an amazing bday and im so sad im not there w u to celebrate :( BUT!! we shall definitely have a joint bday lunch/dinner date to celebrate both our bdays !!! 💓the possibilities r endless.... like kbbq, bingsoo, fried chicken, sushi (idk if u like raw fish), pizza date omg!!!, etc... u have no idea how excited i am tbh my native ********* gal! also... when i go back to hawaii for breaks im stuffing u in my suitcase idc... like we could go to the beach!! road trip around the island!! eat a bunch of hawaiian food... AHHH anyway i love u and this conclusion was supposed to be like 2 sentences but.... yes. HAVE A GREAT DAY I LOVE U MORE THAN U KNOW 😘💞😓🌷

[fanfictown-blog]

Two Wishes ~ Part 1

Two Wishes ~ Part 1

‘Beep. Beep. Beep.’ My annoying digital alarm clock buzzes way too loudly, a sound I should be used to by the number of times I’ve heard it, but nevertheless, I wake up groaning as I slap my hand on top of the black metal box on my bedside table, shutting it up immediately.

Barely two seconds has passed before my hand has reached out for my phone, opening up every single one of all those social media apps on my homescreen, from tumblr and instagram to kakao talk and snapchat.

The moment I open Tumblr, my phone freezes, the screen blacks out and it returns to my homescreen, an adorable picture of Jaehyun grinning at the camera.

’…Okay…’ I think to myself as I try again, clicking on that dark blue icon with the white ’t’ in the middle; this time, it opens, but the revolving white symbol which seems to be going on forever annoys me - but finally it loads, and I see the reason why my phone spazzed out in the first place.

276 things I was tagged in. 28 messages.

'Oh shit…’ I mumble to myself as I scroll through all of them, let out a deep breath and start by opening my messages, from @kibumslatina ina and @thatbubblecat

'BITCHH WJSNSJDNS DID YOU SEE IT EVERYONE HAS IT ON THEIR ARM NOW IT JUST SUDDENLY APPEARED’

'TAEMIN IS MINEEEE ahhhh I can’t believe he’s my soulmate’

'DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING I LOVE HIM MY BABY’

'WHO’S YOURS HAVE YOU MET HIM YET??’

'Or is it a kpop idol like mine 😏😏’

I laugh to myself at Keylin’s excited spam, and send her '😂😂😂’ in reply before reading her message again and trying to understand it.

'Something on their arm? Hm. Interesting.’ I think to myself, glancing at my right arm and examining it.

Nothing.

That’s when I notice the abnormal italic writing on my left wrist, just on top of the blood vessels below my palm. It looks like I had written something in my handwriting, in my black inky pen I used to write quotes on my wrist all the time during my younger years, filled with hopeless immature dreams of meeting 'The One’.

'I will still feel the same.’ I read out loud from the once clear skin on my wrist. I’ll still feel the same… In what circumstance would someone say that to me the first time I see them…?

I shake off my thoughts with the fact that this was all meant to be, and reply to Keylin’s spam with a picture of the text on my wrist.

'This is all so weird though, we all just woke up with this??’

'IKRR’ Her reply is immediate. ‘And yours is cute love ^^’ ‘But I don’t get why that would be the first thing someone would say to you..?’

‘Honestly me neither’ I type out after a long minute of reconsideration about why those might be The Words. She doesn’t reply.

‘'She's probably landed at the airport.’ I realise, smiling to myself before proceeding to open Claire's messages.

I've only read the one message saying 'DUDE' when my phone rings, and Jaehyun's face pops up; my eyes widen for a fraction of a second as my heart feels like it's somewhat been elevated, filled, beating faster than ever - until my memory goes back to me telling Claire to put my contact as Taeyong and that I'll put her as Jaehyun.

'Annyeong Jaehyun-ah.' I speak down the line, and hear a confused 'huh?' from the other side, which makes me chuckle as I explain to her the reason for me saying that.

'Ohhhh right, of course.' She says, laughing. 'Did you hear about what happened?'

'Yep, slightly confused to be honest, but yeah I heard. Apparently the words that somehow appeared on our arms are the first words we'll hear our soulmate say..?'

'Yeah and GUESS WHAT?'

'What?'

'Mine says "Booming systems up up"'

There is a momentary silence as I take in what she said before bursting out laughing.

'Booming systems up up, TY Track, TY Track.' I pretend to be some sort of talented rapper, acting like rapping was what I was meant to do and I could take it up as a career ANY day - even though secretly I know that I sound like when Haechan imitated Taeyong.

Then I realise it.

'WAIT BITCH YOUR SOULMATE IS TAEYONG??'

I hear her breathe in slowly and breathe back out, and I can imagine her, slightly nervous yet a beaming grin on her face.

'Well...apparently so!'

'OMG I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU I ALWAYS KNEW THE TWO OF YOU WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER AHHHHHHH!' I almost scream down the phone with my voice being higher pitched than usual, which comes out as a weird squeal combined with my laughter. 'I SHIP ITTTTT.'

Claireyong? Taeire? Or maybe actually if I use her korean name, then that would be Chaeyong, or Taerin.

'CHAEYONGGG.' I continue, laughing away as I pick out my clothes from my wardrobe, a short-ish black dress with some black tights, and I hear Claire laugh quietly but somewhat shyly from the other end of the line.

'Taerin. I prefer Taerin.' She says, laughing. 'What does yours say though?'

'I will still feel the same.' I read out, feeling a smile unconsciously form on my face.

'Ahh okay, I have to go now, um, I'm out and yeah sorry ok bye!' She suddenly says, and before I can reply, I realise I am left on my own on the phone line.

'Ok...um...bye...' I feel the need to say before I press the red 'hang up' button and start to get dressed.

An hour later, I'm in my car, driving to the airport to pick up Keylin; SM was having a major concert/fan sign event in London, so she had decided to fly here from Florida and stay at my apartment.

I was already super excited about meeting her in person for the first time, and I remember thinking back to that time when we had discussed what it would be like if we had met up in real life.

'I dont even want to imagine what it would be like if we met up tho omg we’d actually go insane i can imagine us just saying a whole load of random shit at the exact same time then just laughing and fuck gurl'

'bitch if we met you know shit would go down😂 we will literally be thrown out of whatever place we’re meeting up in bc we’re too loud and vulguar. Whoops?'

Good thing we were going straight to my apartment after meeting.

I pull into the paid parking lot, and make my way to the entrance, where everyone waits for those people who have landed. Every step I take with my heels clicking beneath my feet make me somewhat nervous, for no reason whatsoever, but the feeling of excitement I feel is way more overwhelming; it felt weird that I was actually going to meet her now.

Eventually I arrive, and I am on my phone, scrolling through endless posts related to kpop on my tumblr whilst listening to music, and occasionally looking up to see if she was coming, though I didn't quite know what to expect in terms of her appearance.

I glance at the announcement board; they're at the security check now? So hopefully she'll be through those double doors any minute.

Ten minutes later, I'm still there, standing there leaning against the metal railing with my chin resting on my hands, my arms themselves positioned on the cold shiny metal as my tired eyes stay fixed on the two sets of double doors, which open and close frequently as people with heavy suitcases walk through them.

As I watch them, the doors open again and a somewhat short girl with shoulder-length blonde hair walks through them, dragging her suitcase behind her using both her hands, and seeming to struggle but trying to walk as casually as possible.

It's her.

Omg it's actually her.

'Keylin!!' I shout, leaning over the railing and waving with my right hand, my left hand pressed against the now warm metal to keep myself from falling over.

She glances up, her straightened hair flicking out of her face, and I see her clearly in person for the first time; her amazingly clear skin, the nose piercing and the wide grin on her face as she realises it's me.

'Omg BITCH!' She almost screams as I run up to her and hug her tightly, hugging me back just as tight.

'Oh my fucking god you HOE.' I laugh. 'Bitch you're even more beautiful in real life, I'm sure Taemin won't be able to RESIST you when he sees you.'

She goes a bit red, laughing, but flicks her hair like that sarcastic, bold girl I knew her to be.

'Well DUH, but um bitch look at you, for fuck's sake, Sehun will be all over you when we go to that fansign.' She winks, smirking, and I giggle, covering my face as my cheeks feel like they're on fire.

'Hey, let's go to my apartment ok?' I laugh. 'Before we go insane.'

'Sure love.' She smiles, and we make our way to the 2nd floor car park, laughing and talking to each other like we had known each other forever.

[tumblunni]

I wish I could hug y'all!

In fact I think I will make it A LIFE GOAL I really really wanna someday be able to visit all my friends who live in different countries! Its something good to save up for, even if it'll probably take years. So.. lets randomly ramble in a journal about Plans!! IDEA THE FIRST TRIP THE FIRST FIRST THE FIRST: THE SEQUEL I think it'd probably make sense to go to america first, since i have a lot of close friends living there and I don't need to learn another language. (I am notoriously dumb...) But then afterwards I could set another goal to save up and visit another friend in another country! IT WILL NEVER ENDDDDD, THATS WHY ITS CALLED FRIENNNNDDDDD So far all I have confirmed is that two of my friends would be happy to see me if I was able to visit america, @darkeiya and @summon-daze But its not like I've exactly asked everyone else, so I dunno really how many people I might be able to visit. And it depends on time constraints too, i might only be able to spend a full day or two with the closest friends and maybe then if there's more than three of us we could all meet up together and hang out en masse? Depends on how tricky it'd be for everyone to get to the same place! SO! PLANS AND THINGS I NEED TO PREPARE! workin to figure out a precise money goal im gonna save for * Become Fab * no but srsly i wanna look my best if im meeting friends in person for the first ever time. need to acquire Cool T-Shirts * figure out what exactly you can and cannot take on an aeroplane, and how to deal with anxiety if i cant take electronics. Nothing's as distracting as videogames when you're freakin out! * DO NOT SCHEDULE ANYTHING ON THE 11th-14th OF THE MONTH. i have a bad history of my period landing on these days ONLY when i have to do something important. Or when its my birthday :P I dont need even more reason to feel nauseous on a plane! * figure out how many days the stay will be, and how many clothes etc I need to bring. probably a basic thing, but this is my first time going on a holiday alone so i need to write stuff down to make sure i remember! * figure out how long exactly I want to spend with each friend, and how long I can afford in hotel fees. And does a plane ticket cos more if you're staying for longer? * find out what kind of luggages are easiest to carry and how to carry three luggages when i have two hands. Can you tie them together and make a luggages train??? * Find some sort of secure way to carry large amounts of money. I'm gonna have to do that since I need to get all my currency converted before I go. I was thinking maybe a little matchbox tin chained to the inside of my coat or around my neck? Something where you couldnt get it without roughhousing with me, and it'd still be hard to pull it off the chain. Gives me a precious few extra minutes to yell for help/possibly bludgeon a guy with a suitcase * Figure out hotel(s) in different areas of america, depending on how far I'll have to travel. And figure out affordable ways to travel the difference if its not a situation where the friend can pick me up. And make sure they are cool hotels, not just the absolute minimum! i wanna make a fun tourist experience of the hotels!! I havent been in a hotel since I was a kid! * Possibly schedule it like a 'safehouse' thing? Returning to home base! I need to make sure I schedule around the potential anxiety of doing so much travel in a new place. So maybe schedule it out so I have a period of me-time in between visiting each friend? Itd probably cost too much to rent a hotel room for an entire day in between so maybe just schedule it out so I have half a day at least. I dunno if hotels allow you to sleep in all day tho, are there rules about what time you need to be up and out? * I'm kinda looking forward to using hotel beds and showers cos theyre like luxury compared to my house XD man, I wonder if I could get a place with a hot tub?? or the fabled mini-bar?? (which i would drink nothing of, but it would be fun to take photos!) And it'd be so cool to see what american breakfasts are like! And lol all my friends have just been like 'YOU NEED TO SEE OUR LOCAL RESTAURANTS' and im like... dude, i dont need to get fatter XD lets limit it to ONE! * I dunno if my friends would just wanna hang out in their local mall or something, or if I could visit their house and say hi to their family? that might be going too far. i'll still bring gifts they can give to their family tho, i wanna show my appreciation to everyone!! * are you allowed to bring extra empty suitcases onto the plane with you? I'm anticipating that knowing myself im probably gonna buy enough souveniers to need one. I'm planning to basically have half the money be for travel and then half again is just for buying NOVELTY HATS! * need to make sure to finally get a passport, and also consult heavily with my support worker and friends to make sure i have every form of travel documentation in order. I know stuff is... not good, in america right now. Thats probably why it'd be good that it'd take me years to save up for a visit, hopefully i'd be there after the next election. But I need to prepare anyway, in case border control is even more stringent. * Prepare the 'ol misgendering, because getting strip searched and treated as a suspicious threat is a very big reality for trans people. Having the wrong gender marker on your birth certificate is treated as 'this passport must be a forgery' rather than.. yknow.. transgender people exist. And then you need to be invasively handled by the guards to make sure you aren't packing explosives down your goddamn pants, they have to inspect the parts of you that you're most self concious about. *shudder* I've heard a lot of horror stories. I dunno if america is any better about it. But yeah I'm probably gonna have to just pass as female during boarding and hotels and stuff, and not wear my binder til i get to meet my friends. Saves trouble... Man, I might have to even go buy some more cliche feminine outfits or something, to make sure. Itd be fun burning them afterwards, I guess... * BRING GIFTS FOR FRIENDS N FAMILY! Figure out what is and isnt allowed to be transferred between countries. As far as I know I cant bring any form of food or drink right? I'm only allowed to eat the in-flight meals? Thats a shame cos I wanted to bring welsh cakes, theyre the only one of our local delicacies that's not a super acquired taste. (I tried bara bryth for the first time and DIED) And I dunno if anyone would be interested in silly souveniers of my country but I could get a pile of em if you are! Want an eight foot tall lovespoon? Want a giant inflatable daffodil? Want a bazillion ceramic dragons? * I am determined to bring at least one personalized super awesome gift for each person! It might just be an expensive merchandise of their fave show, it might be some form of handmade handicraft of one of their ocs! whatever I'm able to do! ^_^ * BRING SKETCHBOOKS SO WE CAN DRAW TOGETHER. LEARN THE WAYS OF THE AMERICAN MASTERS. * hey does anyone wanna trade trading cards yo. They'd be like the single easiest thing to bring with me, but I only have a handful of pokemon ones and i only really have one friend that I know likes yugioh. (And she's in england) * WE CAN FOOL AROUND LIKE DOOFS. God willing, if anyone wants to join me I will play water balloon tennis or jalapeno roulette or any sort of insane friend activity you can think of!! Gotta make up for the fact im a boring teetotaler. Tho lol I probably already act more drunk than the real drunks at a party XD * TAKE A LOT OF PHOTOS!! And possibly try and acquire a portable video camera? I'd only photo/video anyone if they gave me permission, and I wouldnt post it online unless I also had permission for that. I just wanna make a lot of memories and record them forever! Whenever I feel down, I can remember this amazing trip!!! * remember to get one of those plug adaptor thingies cos american plugs have one less prong. Gotta trade the pokeymons!! I know I can already do that easily online but BATTLING IN PERSON WOULD BE EPIC * ...bring an Ash cosplay? XD * no but seriously if i could schedule this right to coincide with an american convention or something that'd be awesome! EVEN MORE SOUVENIERS! And I could actually try cosplaying!! I'd have to find a character that suits me tho, I dont wanna get laughed at like everyone always does with fat people cosplaying thin characters. (Like... almost every character is thin, yo. let people do what they want) * possible idea: magma admin tabitha from pokemon? he's like the only fave I have who's chubby but not like... inherantly a comic relief ugly guy or a seventy year old grandpa. I wanted to do quina quen from final fantasy 9 but I dont think I have the charisma to pull it off. I'd get paranoid if people just treated the character how they treat the character, my brain would twist everything into an insult on my costume or myself XD also I kinda already look like tabitha, tho I'd either have to go without hairdye or like... wear a wig in my natural hair colour. Also his costume is super heavy and sweaty in a convention setting, according to what I;ve heard from other team magma cosplayers. (Makes you wonder how on earth they all wore it on a volcano!) * WHAT IS AN AMERICAN BISCUIT. They look like savoury welshcakes??? Learn about all the language differences! Man I wish I could bring food souveniers back with me, I'd never be able to try every single different foodstuff in america in one day without DYING. AND DYING AGAIN. * Collect product wrappers and advertisements! Its always really interesting to me to see the differences between countries! A friend mailed me an american cola once and the bottle was a whole different shape??? (he also mailed me a bunch of spent shotgun shells, which was kinda terrifying cos I was currently in a christian homeless shelter and I didnt exactly wanna cause trouble XD Apparantly it is totally legal to own unuseable bullets tho, as long as you dont have a gun.) * I dunno if any of my friends would be equally interested in similar things? i could take requests for weird british stuff to bring with me! * for summon-daze specifically: since we are both cuddly honest goofballs of childlike joy, maybe bring some of my plushie collection to show her? I'd usually just bring one as an emergency anti-anxiety measure. Tho the embarassment from having a full on meltdown in public and having to be seen hugging a plush toy to keep from crying means its not 100% effective. Only works good when I'm with people who arent judgmental. Secret pocket gengar plush is good for other times! (I've been squeezing that thing during doctors appointments and nobody noticed!) * extra reason why I'd love to visit my friends: visiting my friends's pets. I have been absolutely blessed by images of dazy's pet cat Pam, and apparantly her family has a few other cats and a dog! O_O WHAT AN AMAZING LIFE YOU LIVE. I always tell her to give pam a hug from me, and I know pam probably wouldnt like me very much when we first meet cos she's shy, but still I'd love to at least see her. I wish cats could somehow know that they give joy to people through the internet! * ...are you allowed to bring medications across the border? is there a procedure I need to go through to be allowed to bring my antidepressants? Would painkillers be allowed too? If not, is there anywhere I could buy plane-bring-onnable headache meds in the lobby or something? Just anticipating that I might get a stress migraine on the plane, cos it'd be my first time ever flying. * are you allowed to take photos out the plane window, if you use a non electronic camera? i know you cant really see anything but panning landscapes but it still sounds awesome!

[freerebelmentality]

Take me to church pt2

Word Count: 2,092

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“I missed you so much baby girl. I cant believe you are here. How did you get here? Why didnt you call and tell us you were coming home?” He asks as you look to your mom

“I wanted to surprise you and mom. Along with everyone else” You say while huffing out your answer

“Im happy my baby sister is home and now we celebrate” Jax says while breaking up the interrogation from dad.

Everyone in the club house hollers, whistles and claps in excitement. The prospects begin to make orders for more liquor, while mom begins to order around the croweaters for items she needs to start cooking.

“Mom, have anything for me to do?” You ask while following her to the kitchen

“Yeah, go to the house, unpack, eat and relax while we do the rest ok” She says and continues giving one of the guys a list of things to get.

“Yes, do what your mother says and I’ll have Chibs give you a ride to the house” Dad says leaning against the door frame

You couldnt be more excited about riding with Chibs and getting to spend some alone time with him, since he has been all you think about for the past few years.

“Have him take my car” Mom says as she gives you her keys and dad calls for Chibs

“Chibs, take my baby home and stay with her. She is your precious cargo for the day and take Gemma’s car. Y/n should have the keys” Dad says while motioning his hands out the door

“Aye, I dont mind some precious ca’go duty” Chibs says and walks out of the club house to help you with you luggage

“Im guessing the big SUV is my moms?” You ask Chibs once he is beside you

He nods and grabs your suit case while you went back to your moms office to grab your camera and laptop bag. Once you got to the SUV is when you tossed the keys to Chibs. He opened the passenger door for you and gave him your thanks. He finally walks around and jumps into the driver seat.

“What is it exactly ye do for werk?” He asks as we stop at a stop sign.

“Well I work as a journalist at a news paper back in New York and I also take pictures to. For the news paper. But photography has always been something that I love to do” You tell him while driving by the police station and catching a glimpse of the person you left behind.

The very David Hale. The both of you dated in high school until graduation. He went off to the academy while you went to school on the east coast. It hurt you the most to let him go but it wasnt fair to keep a long distant relationship for either of you. The break up was mutually decided.

“Lass? Ye alright?” Chibs asks as he pulls you back to reality

“Im sorry, what? I didnt realize I was out of it that long” You reply as you look to him

“Its alright, we are here at the house” He says and turns off the engine and gets out to grab your bags

“Come on, lets head inside and find something to eat and have some coffee” You tell him as you lead the way into the house

He nods and follows behind you with a wide smile on his face. He helped with your bags and settled them into your old bed room. You looked around and everything was changed. No more purple walls, no more posters but left with family photos spread around the room.

“At least the room looks different” You say while setting your laptop bag on the bed

“Ma had a couple of us take a few things in storage, bring up the new bed, set up everything from the bed frame and the dressers” He says while placing one suitcase on the bed and the other in the closet

“Of course she did” You reply with a smile on your face looking around the room and finally setting your gaze on him

“Thank you and to who ever” You add while giving him a warm smile

“I’ll do the rest later, I just want to eat so bad” You say while walking out of the room and he follows behind as he chuckles

You begin looking through the cupboards looking for the coffee, Chibs finds it and begins to make the coffee. You begin cooking for the both of you while he helped making the salad, which he didnt want but since you were having it he wanted to try it.

He so badly wanted to ask why you spaced out while driving by the police station but he kept his mouth shut because the food you made was really good. He thought you cooked just like your mom. Everything reminded him of your mom but except for a couple of things, your heart and soul is pure. Nothing like he has ever seen. If he was honest with himself, Fiona didnt have the heart and soul like you did. Even though she is a good woman and was good to him for the years they spent together.

“That my dear was very good” He says after taking his last bite

“Thank you, there is more if you want to help yourself to some more food” You tell him as you look behind him to the stove

“Nah, but thanks for the offer. Ill help myself to some more coffee though” He says as he gets up and pours himself another cup.

“I hate to ask and I dont want ye to think Im poking around ye business. Why did ye have a moment while we passed the station?” He asks once he sits in his seat again

“Oh uh, I caught a glimpse of someone I used to care about. In one point in my life” You simply answer while he looks to you waiting for you to continue.

“We dated throughout high school, we were forbidden to see each other because his parents knew who my parents were and didnt like the fact that their son is dating the outlaws daughter” You add while taking a sip of your coffee

Chibs sat there with sympathy across his face and nods.

“The more we saw each other the more our parents tried in so many ways to keep us apart but we found ways to see each other. Jax didnt like the fact we were dating because he was afraid he would be at the house at the wrong time and hear to much” You continue while you look to Chibs who is attentive to your every word.

“Because his da was the judge” Chibs says as he never takes his gaze off from you.

You nod in agreement. Reflecting all the memories you had with him and they were all good ones. Not once has he ever did you wrong, nor did he ever belittle you because of your family. He didnt care the fact who your family was and only cared for the person he has come to love.

“When we graduated thats when we ended our relationship. He was off to the academy and I was off to the east coast” You end the memory but couldnt feel the need to see David. The feeling faded away when you saw Chibs and smiled to him.

“What your parents did to keep ye away from him was good and bad. Good because they were only thinking about the club and its members. Bad because ye clearly cared a lot for the lad and he did ye” Chibs says while that tasted like vinegar coming out of his mouth because its Hale. And because he had you at your best.

Chibs is already falling for you, after moments of getting to you know. He liked the fact you are smart, and not like anyone else he has come across since being in Charming.

“I know, I was being careful when it came to him coming over because I love the club just as much as my family does. I wouldnt want anything happening to the club or its members” You say with a warm smile looking to Chibs

You hear a couple of bikes pulling into the drive way and heard someone getting out of a vehicle and wondered who would be dropping by the house.

Jax, Tara and a little baby being craddled into the house along with Bobby, some guy with the weird hair and tribal tattoos on both sides of his head. Some Ken doll looking guy and the quiet one.

“Oh my god Tara” You say as you get up to give her a side hug

She returns the same and has a wide smile on her face and is really happy to see you.

“When Jax told me you were home, I couldnt believe it and got off work early to bring Abel by and meet his aunt. Finally” She says while looking to Abel and you as she couldnt wipe the smile off her face

“Nephew?” You ask in complete shock that your brother has finally made you an aunt.

Everyone in the kitchen/dining room answered in unison while others nodded their heads.

“Abel, I want you to meet someone who is really special to me and us. This is the one person who is going to love you, care for you and even protect you” Jax says looking to his son with an adoring smile and looks to you.

You already have tears forming while your brother says these really nice things which are completely true. Your heart is already filled with such love for the small human and adoration for you new found nephew.

“This is your aunty Abel, Y/n meet your nephew Abel” Jax introduces the both of you while gently handing you the baby as you take him in your arms.

“Well hello my nephew. I have been waiting for you for a very long time and Im happy to finally have met you” You tell him with a wide smile.

You didnt want to give him back to your brother and Tara just yet. You craddled him, caressing his cheek with your index finger and adoring him completely. He grabs your finger and looks to you with a wide smile and a squeal of delight.

“I think someone is already loving his aunt” Chibs says while never taking his eyes away from your or Abel.

He loved how you interacted with Abel. Chibs loves Abel as his own and would do just about anything to protect him from anything.

You and Tara talked while the other guys were practically huddled in the living room talking about something. You knew it was club business.

“You and Chibs looked pretty comfortable” Tara says with a smile on her face

“I feel comfortable. Is it a bad thing I feel really comfortable and right at home with the guys being around and at the club?” You ask looking away from Abel as he is sitting comfortably on your lap

“Its what you know right and have been around it your whole life. Dont let it define who you are though. Some people let it get in the way and well you know how that goes” She says while looking away from you and Abel. Her gaze is on the person she loves the most and wishes she could take her family away

“I see that and you’re right” Is all you say and continue playing with Abel.

He gets fussy soon after, you motion for Tara to get the bottle and you begin feeding him. She looks to the both of you and loves how Abel has warmed up to you so quickly.

“He amazes me on how smart he is, knowing that your his aunt and this is the first meet” She says while caressing his head adoringly.

“Thats how I feel too. I thought he would flip out the minute I held him” You say while quickly looking up from him.

You and Tara continue talking while the others finally enter the kitchen area to make more coffee, bring out beers from the fridge and getting to know everyone. This was something that you missed the most if you were honest with yourself and couldnt be more happy to be at home. With family.

[11toe11-blog]

Golden eggs and things like that

Aum.

I enter gently to understand and illuminate. Guide me past temptations of power and greed into insight and wisdom. 

___

The right shoulder feels heavy. So does the heart. The throat clenches a bit. The back of the neck is tight. I notice the breath and it deepens. Some previous walls seem less perceivable.

It feels like a time when some portals are active and lifetimes of memories are colliding for resolution.

Its impossible. No . it is only possible for us to continue on this if we are connected to our simplest, most essential..essence… Because thats what connects us. The narratives that run through us place us far far apart as the other.

L. Is that what triggered this? Or is something else?

It was my sisters birthday the day before. And the possibility of R having fallen sick and my not being able to tell anyone or ask for any support.  And the whole family had gotten together, i felt no shared joy. 

This combination of isolations are triggering memories. And in anticipating pain, i am acting out. Inviting it in. I can see that.

There are many things unresolved in my relationship with my sister. It is obvious. Cant deny it. Envy. Guilt. All of that. Unsure of how to relate. Disagreement. Power struggles.

Pain surfaces. No way out other than through it. 

Memories of being bullied, of being the weird one, the feeling of being rejected after the birth of my sister. Maybe i harbored that somewhere, which is why i ended up treating her the way i did, even though i loved and continue to love her immensely.

Because i dont think i was competitive at all, not striving to be first in class or anything, till my sister was born. In my lower KG i was naturally bright. Shifting schools 1st and 2nd, i dont particularly remember much. I wasnt compared to anyone by mom. Dad was the comparer. Maybe he was compared.

I suppose 1st 2nd is when i began to experience social pressure. And with G, is probably when it got competitive. A fight for attention, is a fight for affection,  which got worse, as the family’s financial and mental health plummeted. Physical abuse, sexual abuse..i notice that in this narrative I have used the word abuse..i am usually looking at it as an early sexual encounter. But which ever is the voice that is writing today feels like it was impacted by the incidents.. Everything coincided with the birth of my sister, now when i think back.

Shame and guilt hangs heavily on my shoulders. Like a cloak. I can feel it brushing against my arms.

It feels like there is nothing i can do but notice it.  Very helpless. I dont want to be helpless. I straighten up and remind myself that - i dont have to make it go away. I have to notice it. When i want it to go away is when i become helpless. If my role is to observe it - i am doing it quite well, quite perfectly. *

I am reminded of K speaking about shame. I empathize in this moment.

When we feel we that we are not supposed to be feeling it, that i should have let it gone - its another round of failure to deal with. “ oh! I cant even let it go.” Another disappointment - like i had one job and i couldnt even do that. 

But what if my job was not to let it go. And be all empowered?

What if my job was only to observe - understand this shame. Feel it, give it space and observe it? Not to change it. Polish it. Dress it up to look smart and suave. Cook it. Make it tasty. None of that. Just notice it, for as long as it is there.

Well that sounds like something ican do. Simply. Not easily maybe, but simply. 

Not simply, maybe. But easily. 

Much less scope for disappointment. And something i feel i ccan do, and i am doing quite decently. 

Sudden spike in self worth

The sky is bright blue today. 

I had noticed yesterday in the body scans, that when they ask me to feel line of the spine, and i cant or its dull in space. I force myself to imagine a line. Than notice what is already there. I force the imagination, somewhat guilty...not somewhat - just plain guilty that i am not feeling what i am supposed to be be feeling. That i should be doing work, i am being lazy thats why i am not perceiving it, all of that. Which may have part truths. But are Catch 22s. I cant notice the line ever unless i start with noticing what is already there. I cant notice what is already there because i feel i cant perceive the line i am supposed to be seeing. Supposed to! As opposed to what is. Can i notice what is already in my frame of vision as opposed to all that i al supposed to include. Please! Kindly!

Can i notice what is already in my frame of vision and deeply enough, that at somepoint, on its own, the rest of it will emerge. 

I guess this is my biggest point of contention with L’s tone and kind of politics that is her work. Very “supposed to”. And hence all the more divisive. Not something one wants, particularly now. The invitation to deepen and acknowledge ones seeing, is welcome. To berate for what one doesn't see, is very 3rd grade damaging elementary school teacher in repeat. 

Hence probably my general feeling towards her work. And somewhere definitely understanding that she is in her own process and will continue to grow and evolve and all that. But the screeches are not what i need right now. 

Maybe they are. 

And thats why they have shown up in my orbit. To engage with. I dont have to change the way i feel. So much pressure. Just knowing and noticing that this is how i feel is good enough. 

To articulate it out aloud is the next step. Thats turning actor from observer. More like being actor and observer simultaneous. Thats  the leap. Will happen when it has to.

No pressure to turn saint. No pressure to change a feeling. No pressure to change. Nothing. Just noticing what ever is , is the work. Where is then room for disappointment and low self worth?

A scene played exceptionally well. And a disaster of a scene are both well withing the frames of observation. And both make great viewing material for insight. 

I know this. I have known this vantage. 

“All the world is a stage”!

Yup.

Envy is my nemesis at this point. And every other thing is fuelling it one way or the other. 

Watching Ka give a spellbinder was beautiful, at the same time pointed to personal inadequacies. G at home with Is for birthday underlined all the support she had and i dint. R inviting LP for a session meant he didn't see things the way i did and i had no ally, isolation. The idea of a session with LP translated to the whole giant suitcase of sibling rivalry being projected along side the bundle of political difference, and huge ego dents because i see my position to be far more nuanced, experienced and evolved compared to hers. Because we met once and she never connected back since - strong feeling of rejection- and a reinforcement of sibling rivalry. Trust R to throw a deep one.

All this is just from my vantage. 

Who knows how things are looking from hers. Or R’s. Or G’s. Or V’s. 

I like the guy. For the brief moments that we have had an exchange i feel he understands. Like R says, living with the person might be an entirely different ball game. And it is true, the complexity of these things. But the few moments of understanding is all one needs. Just the golden egg. No need to cut open the Goose. 

That seems to be where R and I are. We cant seem to understand where the Golden eggs have disappeared. And we are cutting open each other to find out where they are hiding. We were after all promised a steady supply of Golden eggs. Unlike the fabled farmer, we didnt cut open the goose. We just bet on it, hedged it. Like many large scale farmers engage with the money economy today. Sell the produce even before sowing. Heding. Put a chip in, and try and turn every goose there is into a Golden egg laying Goose.

Can we stop cutting and slicing things open, please. Can we just watch the clouds?

Sounds like something a Goose would write. 

Who is there to forgive me? Relsolve this? For the mean thoughts, the harsh words, the attempts to manipulate.  I forgive myself?

Ho oponopono says i can. And i must. 

I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. 

__

Thank you fro letting me enter. ANd for the insights. I close the door gently behing me to come back another day.

[stephhannes]

it’s november!

which means that october has passed, and now we’re rolling headfirst into the holiday season. thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday, but after my dad died, it felt weird. the first year after my dad died, back in 2015, i went back home to do Family Thanksgiving and i hated it (although for some reason even though nathan and i weren’t together at this point yet, i actually ended up seeing him on this thanksgiving- it was the first time i’d seen him in 8 months and also the first time since my dad had died so it was all around A Strange Time) the second year, i think i’ve blacked out from my memory because i can’t remember anything about it. but the third year, last year, i was living in new york and actually had a lot of fun, since nathan’s family had come into town and i got to go out in public and be with people and do activities, etc. this year will be my first thanksgiving without both my dad and my fiancé and i’m dreading it.

october was a rollercoaster of a month. i’m pretty sure i slept away the first half of the month. there were a large handful of days where i’d sleep for 22 hours, and the days that i didn’t, i at least was asleep for all daylight hours, only awake between 7pm and 8am. i feel incredibly lonely here in abilene, since i have no friends here anymore so a lot of the time i go days without talking to another human face-to-face. i guess to cope with the whole ‘i dont know anyone here and i dont have anything to do here’ thing, i just sleep a lot. i mean, that and the depression are probably why i slept so much, but whatever. there were a lot of days where i felt so overwhelmed by the concept of having to rebuild my life. even if i manage to move somewhere, get a job and go through the motions of moving on, i know that nothing will ever make me as happy as nathan did. there is literally nothing that could compare to the inexplicable joy i felt every morning i woke up with nathan next to me. when my dad died, i felt this intense sense of loss when i realized that he wouldn’t be around to see me graduate, or see me get married. and now i feel an even greater sense of loss realizing that i don’t even get to marry nathan anymore.

two months ago, i was just generally sad, just always a little weepy. but now, as some time has passed, i’ve starting finding very specific things that make me sad:

-i guess that october is a hot month for engagement/getting married because i’ve seen so many announcements on facebook lately and every time i see someone in a wedding dress i get so overwhelmed with sadness. also, for some reason i still get SO many ads on facebook for engagement rings, and wedding planning and whatever, and like, look mark zuckerberg, i’d love to pick out a venue but i can’t so can you leave me alone?? thanks.

-the other day i opened netflix for the first time since nathan died and i got sad because i saw all of the shows he had started but hadn’t finished watching yet

-i went to a movie and got sad because i realized nathan and i had somehow never gone to a movie together

-on the topic of holidays, the other day i realized that nathan and i will never get to spend a christmas together. he hated holidays to begin with so it’s not necessarily like we would have done anything, but still. the first year that we were together, we were living apart, so we didn’t see each other for christmas that year. the second year we were together, he went on vacation for like three weeks without me during christmas and that was a total disaster. i was so upset because it was my first year far away from home, from all of my friends and family. i couldn’t afford to go back to texas for christmas, so i was incredibly lonely. i felt so isolated and terrible, and i remember crying at night leading up to him leaving because the thought of having to sit at the apartment alone for both christmas and new years was a lot for me to handle. then, after work on christmas eve i got super drunk with a coworker and somehow ended up on a train with her to pennsylvania to spend christmas with her family. so i guess it worked out in the end, i was still alone on new years' though and that was really sad. anyways, the moral of that story is that when nathan was alive we never got to spend christmas together and now he’s dead so we will never get to ever and that makes me sad.

-every time a new album comes out, or movie or something hot in pop culture, or news story or whatever, my first reaction is always “oh! i wonder what nathan’s thoughts on this are” because he was always the first person i’d talk to about things when they happened, since we were always together, and now i feel this weird void when i realize that i don’t have anyone to immediately bounce ideas off of.

-i took out my old pillowcases from our apartment and i wasn’t expecting them to smell like him but they did. i still haven’t unpacked my suitcase of clothes from the apartment, but when i go in to take out an article of clothing, they all still smell like the apartment itself. that’s what i expected from the pillowcases, but instead they smelled exactly like nathan.

-i don’t care about basketball, but for some reason, not hearing about it 24/7 has been really weird. nathan would constantly tell me all the hot new basketball gossip and even though i don’t care about the sport, i somehow got into hearing about it all the time and now i’m back to being completely in the dark and it’s weird.

+++

the latter half of october has been better. i still get periodically sad most days, but i’m finally not weeping through the entire night any more. there was a small stretch of time where i was inconsolable, just constantly crying. now i can eat lunch without tears in my eyes, which is cool. i started reading again and read like 5 books in a week (which is a strange change of pace from who i’ve been since i graduated from college. literally the day that nathan died, i was reading a book and he straight up was like ‘wow, i could have sworn you were illiterate because i think this is the first time i’ve ever seen you read something’). the other day, i finally read ‘the year of magical thinking’ by joan didion which actually ruined my life. it felt like i was watching a tape of my own life the entire time i was reading it, because so many of her experiences were eerily similar to my own throughout this entire situation the last few months.

the biggest thing i did, however, was finally clean my bedroom. when i graduated from high school and went to college, my parents finally bought a house. since i was away at college, they just moved everything from my old bedroom into my room at the new house, so it started off just as a time capsule of everything i owned from high school. then as i’d move back home each summer between years at college, i’d bring home more garbage that would just accumulate in the room. my junior year of college, i moved to an apartment and i took my mattress from home. when i left that apartment to move to nyc, i threw the mattress away. so my bedroom at home was literally just a storage room for trash, old clothes, old furniture and knickknacks, and it had no bed. when i moved back to abilene, i spent the first two months sleeping on the couch in the living room because the thought of trying to put together a new room was exhausting and i had other things to expend my energy on, like sobbing for 5 hours straight. but finally, i did it. i spent a day throwing away all of my awards and papers and scripts and notes from high school. i threw away notes from freshman year of college, and put away boxes of novels i had accumulated as an english major. i bagged up all of my clothes that i hadn’t worn since i was 13. i ordered a mattress. i ordered the same mattress that nathan and i had at our apartment, which was a bold move on my part, but honestly it was comfortable and relatively cheap so whatever. it’s weird because now, sitting in a full sized bed i keep thinking “wow how did nathan and i share one of these, it seems so small” but then i remembered that we used to share a twin sized bed that didn’t even have a box spring so this is luxury in comparison. i love decorating and buying furniture and setting up rooms. and i was so excited for nathan and i to kind of settle so i could do that in philly. when we lived in new york, all the furniture we had was stuff we found on the streets basically, because we knew we’d only keep it for a year. but when we were in philly, we were able to actually buy stuff and set up a real living space. giving all of that away was really hard for me, not only throwing away everything we had built, but also throwing away some of my own independence of having my own space. so rebuilding a room in abilene was nice, and i feel a lot better about being back at home now.

the last couple of days of october have been hard for me for some reason. i spent two days going through all my old texts with nathan from the year that we lived apart and it’s left me in such a weird headspace. i think it’s hard to see how much we struggled to be apart back then, when it was something that was impermanent, and we were still able to actually talk to each other every day, and compare that to now, where i’ll never get to talk to him again. we were codependent as hell, but in like….a healthy way, yknow? i just constantly get so sad for all of the things we’ll never get a chance to do, and i get sad for all of the days that i won’t have him by my side, and i get sad for all of the nights that i won’t get to sleep next to him. and i’m sad that unlike the last time we were apart, this doesn’t end after one year. this is just what i have to deal with forever and i’m sad and i’m mad and i miss my fiancé a lot. one of the conversations i keep coming back to is when one time nathan was like “i don’t want to do another year like this without you” and i was like “you’ll never have to” and i’m emotional because it was true, but now i’m out here having to do every year without him. the other conversation i keep coming back to is one time when i was like “i really can’t imagine what it would be like to not have you in my life” and he was like “you’ll never have to deal with that.”

also, while re-reading, i came across a stretch of a few days where i was having a particularly hard time. i was stressed because of school and moving, and was just generally very depressed and nathan reminded me of the one thing that i need to keep reminding myself now- “please don’t try to deal with everything on your own.” when nathan and i were together, sometimes i would forget that, i would let myself get so overwhelmed with things before i would come to him and ask for help. and OF COURSE i’d feel a million times better every time i let him help me, but it always took me so long to let him help. that’s something i need to remember especially now- i need to let people help me. i need to ask people to help me.

my favorite part of reading through the old texts was from march 2017 where he sent me 5 texts in a row that said “don’t read our texts and get sad.” it’s almost like this is something that i do all of the time and have always done….weird…

i’ve come a long way from constantly googling “can you actually die from a broken heart,” but i’m still not doin so hot.

anyways, that’s the end of my october. on november 6th, i’m going back to new york for a little bit and i’m excited to see my friends and actually be present in the city. i went back pretty shortly after nathan died, and i was still in such a daze that i didn’t get to enjoy my time there, so it’ll be nice to be back with a clearer head and more ability to be social. it’s been nice traveling around and seeing friends and being in different places, it gets lonely being in abilene honestly. like, i get that i can text people but i’m constantly just dying for face-to-face interaction with people that know me well, and also getting to interact with people in a space that’s not just me locked in my bedroom. i do appreciate everyone that’s reached out to me lately though, it never hurts to get a text every once and awhile from people i dont necessarily talk to on a daily basis- sometimes it’s just nice to know i’m not out here totally by myself all the time. 

now that it’s november, in the spirit of thanksgiving, i spent some time reflecting on every time i was thankful to have nathan in my life. over the years that we were together, i sent him a ton of letters, and most of them had at least one paragraph where i’d list off some random list of things that i was thankful for. i always made it a habit to make it abundantly clear how much i appreciated him. here are some of those paragraphs:

the first is from august 2016, about 4 months after we had started dating. i sent this first letter to him the day i left to go back to college, right before he moved to new york to start grad school.

Thank you for being the best. Thank you for always being there for me, even when I’m in a dumb garbage mood and I’m not the easiest to deal with. Thank you for always being so patient with me. I know it’s frustrating sometimes when I won’t talk about things, but you are always so understanding. In the past, it’s been so hard for me to talk about my dumb human emotions, but you’ve always been so good at listening and not making me feel like I’m being ridiculous when I actually take the time to talk about them with you. Thank you for always asking how I’m doing. Thank you for always offering to get me ice cream when I complain about not having any at my house. Thank you for spending so much time with me this summer, even if it was at weird hours. Thank you for letting me yell all my stories at you. Thank you for always making me feel appreciated and valued. Thank you for always texting me good morning and goodnight. Thank you for buying me in n out every day for like a week when I had no money while you were in Austin. Thank you for always offering to do my laundry (I swear to god I’ll do it myself…eventually…maybe.) Thank you for living with me for those two weeks in Austin.Thank you for always letting me fall asleep on you. Thank you for being so easy to be with. Thank you for always supporting me and believing in me. Thank you for always making me laugh. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being mine.

the next comes from december 2016. i sent this on christmas eve, after we had been living long-distance for four months.

When you moved away, I was so afraid that we were going to grow apart, I am so incredibly thankful that that hasn’t been the case at all. Despite being so far apart for so long, somehow I’ve managed to fall even more in love with you. You really are so incredible. Every day that I wake up and I’m yours, I genuinely feel like the luckiest person in the world. I’m constantly thankful for your support. I’m thankful for the way that you always make me feel appreciated. I’m thankful for the way that you always compliment me when I send you snaps. I’m thankful for the way that you constantly text me every day. I’m thankful that you always tell me that I’m going to be a great wife. I’m thankful for the way that you’re always there for me when I’m having a rough day, or when I’m sick, or when I’m stressed out. I’m thankful for the way that you always tell me you love me. I’m thankful for how you put up with me even when I’m being difficult. I’m thankful for all the times you stayed up late and talked to me on the phone for like six hours straight until way too early in the morning even though we both had things to do. I’m thankful for the way that you always remind me about things that I know I’ll forget to do. I’m thankful for the way you call me to make sure I wake up from my nap and don’t completely ruin my sleep schedule. These last few months have been hard, but the way that you do all of these little things made it a million times easier. Thank you for your dedication to me. I really don’t have the words to express how thankful and happy I am about all of the things you do for me. You’re my best friend, and I can’t imagine having a more perfect person by my side.

this letter was from june 2017, right before i moved to nyc.

this year hasn’t been easy but it has been so worth it. thank you for doing everything you could to make it as painless as possible. thank you for making time to call me most nights, and thank you for answering my calls when it was 4am and i couldn’t stop crying because i missed you. thank you for growing with me this year, for continually being better at loving me and helping me be better at loving you. thank you for doing this with me even though it wasn’t either of our first choice of how to spend the first year of our relationship. thank you for flying me to new york back in april, and showing me around before i moved. thank you for getting our apartment set up. thank you for being mine, and for wanting to marry me and for being such a god damn dream to be with. i’ll see you in a few days, i love you and we never have to be apart again.

the next letter is from october 2017. we had been living together in nyc for about four months at this point, i sent it on our 1.5 year anniversary. this letter was always really special to me, because i spent so much time reflecting on the new life we had started together.

thanks for having my back when i was stressed and unemployed by constantly reminding me that things would be fine and that we’re a team. thanks for making me shower every time i get too drunk and start throwing up. thanks for helping me get my life together that one night that i lost my phone. thanks for surprising me with your extensive knowledge of the musical stylings of both r. kelly and shania twain. thank you for making time for me even when you’re busy with school. also thanks for continuing to make sure that i don’t ruin my life by excessively napping and also forcing me to go to the grocery store even when i reeeeeeally don’t want to. i’m sorry that i steal all the sheets and take up the whole bed- i’d promise to get better about that but i try not to make promises i won’t keep. you’re the best and i’m really thankful of how patient you are with me- even when i’m a nightmare on my bad days. thanks for dragging me to new york, coming here is something i never would have done on my own accord and i’m actually kinda liking it a little maybe.

this one is from may 2018. the day after we got engaged.

hey b, thank you for asking me to marry you. i feel so incredibly lucky that you picked me, that i get to spend the rest of my life with you. thank you for deciding to break your whole ‘no marriage rule’ thing for me, i appreciate it. being your wife is gonna be my favorite thing, thank you for letting me do that.

this is from a month later, when we’d just moved to philly.

thank you for everything you’ve done this last week with moving us here and helping me get the apartment together. you’re the best. also you’re lucky i like you bc there is no one else that i would have driven 16 hours in one day for. thanks for still loving me when i get grumpy and thank you for taking care of me in all of the ways you always do. you’re my favorite and i’m really really glad that you’re mine

and finally, this is from october 2018. two months after nathan died. i still text him periodically, like he’s still alive. to catch him up on what’s going on. at like 6am the other night, i just sent-

thank you for being mine for as long as you were.

(also just as a ps, i’m so excited because i used to have this huge collection of pictures of nathan asleep on me because every time he’d fall asleep on me i’d take a bunch of pictures because it was so precious and i lost most of them when i lost my phone on an A train last year, but i found a couple of them when i was going through our texts on my macbook, so i’ll leave this post with that because it’s my favorite thing and i miss having to listen to him snore directly in my face every night)

[kunaiwithgun]

My washington dc trip

When last i left off from kakao, Ethan and i had gone back to his place to sleep for 4 hours so we can catch our plane. I went to sleep but Ethan did not. He stayed up all night. I generally think he is stupid. Anyway we got up in time and beat the morning rush hour traffic in Atlanta. We went to the airport to get our tickets. Ethan was complaining how i chose a sucky airline. But there were almost no lines and our flight was on time and did everything an airplane was supposed to do, what more could he want? Im too used to international travel, they allow for one large checked bag free. For traveling around the usa, there is a $25 fee ;c i had 20 bucks, ethan paid 10. This will be important later. We arrived at Dulles Airport in Virginia, and got our luggage. Ethan's friend Sam Russell was waiting for us. This Sam had lived in georgia, in the town i was born and where my grandma lived (neither were dalton). Ethan said he was very smart and kind, with a masters degree. He is unable to find work in D.C tho. The first thing we did was get lunch, we went to a a shwarma place (ethnic fastfood) and sam wanted to know who i was and what i was about. I told him about Dalton, my ambitions for korea and how it started, and i told him about you c: but i did it very shortly and without detail or flair because i was tired physically and tired of telling the story kkkk After lunch, ethan wanted to sleep. We only had two days in D.C. including the day im describing. So i wanted to visit the monuments. I saw the Lincoln Memorial, the Jefferson Memorial, the Washington Monument, the ww2 memorial, and the korean war memorial. My feet felt broken and bruised from all that. Unfortunately i was only impressed with the Washington Monument, which is strange because i thought it would be the least. All the other memorials were portrayed to me exactly as they are in size and shape throughout my entire life, so there was no pizzazz or pop. No yaps of magic being there :c While we were walking i spoke with Sam, i wanted to know about him. He is stupiddd like reallllyyy stupidddd. He majored in Philosophy for his BA, and then majored in Library Science (organizing library books) for grad school. No professional work experience, and he is 30. He is very nationalistic. Voted for trump, hates immigrants and blames them for the bad economy. And all else. 98% of washington D.C voted against trump, but not sam. After we walked around the monuments, Sam, Ethan, and i went to an authentic irish pub owned by an irish family who can play music and sing songs. It was reallyy fun. Im glad i had alcohol in me cuz it was painful to be part of ethan and sams conversation. We went home to sleep, sam refused to blow an airbed because he didnt want to wake his roomie. Ethan slept on the floor with a pillow and blanket. i slept on the couch with a coat. One of us was supposed to have all 3. It suckeddd i was cold the whole night. The next Day, i went to the FBI to get a background check. It was very fast and quick, i paid my money and left. Sam and ethan wanted to see the LDS Temple, i said we probably shouldn't. None of us are allowed in inside and they dont care for religion anyway. They kept asking me questions about the mormons and my church, but with thise two they, were not in a good setting. They would have poked fun or not appreciated my answers so i didnt want to talk about it but agreed that qe could drive by the temple. We got there, and ethan noticed a visitors center. He kept saying to sam that the mormons have secrets that they didnt want to give so thats why we were nit allowed in. I rolled my eyes. We went inside the visitors center, i identified as a member but that the other two were not. Two missionaries from spain, women, gave us a tour. There were full scale models of the temple, including what was inside and exactly what we did. The center had a complete history of the church along with videos, private booths for reading, lots of reading material that we could keep, a portrait gallery we could walk through, and plenty of missionaries to ask questions. I actually really loved this part of the trip because it crushed sam and ethans stupidness and were brought into my world. They asked me real questions about the church and i felt comfortable answering for once. For lunch we had Korean Barbeque yayyyyyy! I missed that T.T i wore my dongguk uni coat and people recognized it and i had the best of time talking c: After lunch we went to the smithsonian for American history. They recently opened the First Lady exhibit, michelle Obamas dress was there along with all the other dresses of the past president's wives. You could actually fit in most of them, a lot of them were dwarves kkkkkk Aftrr the smithsonian we went home to sams place and played board games with dinner and alcohol c: it was lovely. This time the airbed was up and i had an extra blanket so we all slept comfortably. The next day, it was time to go. Ethan and i packed our luggage and left. We were on two seperate flights at two different airports, sam was kind enough to drop us off. Sam forgot to give me money for the luggage fee. It was such a critical helpless moment. I brought most of my clothes with me, so if i couldnt pay the fee i suppose i had to leave my closet behind. My flight was coming very soon, so i got what i could, put my suitcase by the trash, and started to walk away to my gate. The employees saw what i did and stopped me, they didnt think i would actually have the balls to leave all my clothes. The manager waived the fee and i got to go with all my clothes. The trip back was amazing, i had no seatmate and so much room to stretch outt my legs were not cramped at all. I listened to music the whole way. Waiting at the airport was fucking awfull. I knew mom was going to be 5 hours late, i knew she was too dumb and too scared to notice the airports free wifi (mom said she had no plan) and i knew mom would forget i told her to meet me in the lobbyy. I was still upset. Mom got caught in rush hour traffic cuz she left late. And she thought that since couldn't contact me on her phone i would get a ride from someone else (i was really tempted but did not) i wish she had remembered to log on to the Wi-Fi but that was the first time in her life she heard of the concept. Anyway, she picked me up and we went home. I hadn't eaten all day, so we quickly got chicken sandwiches. I was so tired when i got home. It really isnt fair that i called ethan and sam stupid because they paid for all. They both volunteered to make my trip a success, and they did, feeding me good food and driving me around. but their conversations and who they are as people dont have my respect. Am i wrong to dislike them?