#while andrew's is about finding his place in the world and getting respect and understanding while staying true to yourself

[nothingunrealistic]

When the propulsive financial drama “Billions” premiered in 2016, its core premise centered on the vicious blood feud between U.S Atty. Chuck Rhoades and billionaire hedge fund king Bobby “Axe” Axelrod. The hatred between the two men was so fierce it was almost assured that only one man would be left standing at the end. But the climactic moment of the series finale showcased a warm handshake between Rhoades (Paul Giamatti) and Axelrod (Damian Lewis) as they reflected how their vicious duel had radically changed them both and made them better men. The moment was unexpected but also inevitable. The former foes had joined forces this final season to combat their common enemy — Michael “Mike” Prince (Corey Stoll), a billionaire who was not as brash as Axelrod but who unveiled a sinister hunger for power as he launched his candidacy to become president. The complicated plot by Rhoades and Axelrod to take down Prince was flavored by the head-spinning double-and triple-crosses that have made “Billions” one of Showtime’s biggest hits. Highlighting the final season was the return of Lewis, who left the show at the end of the fifth season to spend more time with his family in England. His wife, actor Helen McCrory, died of cancer in April 2021. Executive producers Brian Koppelman and David Levien, who created the show with financial journalist Andrew Ross Sorkin, discussed that final handshake, Lewis’ return and whether Prince was a variation of former President Donald Trump. This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

When the series premiered, it seemed to be leaning toward who would get destroyed first — Rhoades or Axelrod. Did you know at that time how the drama would eventually end? Levien: I would love to say that when we started the show that we knew where it was going to end, seven seasons and 84 episodes later. But we just didn’t have that kind of master plan. Koppelman: We didn’t know the Mike Prince part in the beginning. But what we did know was that we wanted to keep our eyes open and our ears open, so that as the show went on, we would still understand the mores of how people in the stride of the show mythologized themselves. We have a new kind of billionaire, [one] who wants to present themselves as having concerns for the holistic nature of the world and the harm that money can do. That new rhetoric was quite different from Axe. There was a scene where Axe says, “Come on, guys like us are monsters.” And Prince says, “Well, but I’m a cuddly monster.” Anyone who tells you they’re cuddly monsters is not, right? Once we had that piece in there. we understood then the kind of ending we might be marching toward. Levien: Damian Lewis left the show for a little while because of some difficult circumstances in his life. But then, when he was able to come back, it gave us a chance to have a fresh attack on this ending. Koppelman: The character Mike Prince really breathed life into us. We’re seeing these characters who think they are better Caesars. We wanted to continue the story about them. When we realized we could have Bobby Axelrod come back, it allowed us to set up an ending for obsessive “Billions” fans to build something satisfying.

Still, it’s probably startling for fans to see Rhoades and Axe shaking hands at the end. Levien: Yes, they come to a place of grudging mutual respect. There was a more dangerous enemy that seemed to threaten the well-being of everybody on the planet. That was something that could unify them temporarily. After that, they say they are going to go back to doing what they do. All bets are off. So it’s possible they will find themselves at odds again. Koppelman: One thing we discovered as we were going is that there was a truism about them early on — each of them had reason to be revealed onto themselves, and to not lie to themselves. In Prince, they both saw someone who perhaps lied to himself in the mythologizing. So maybe Bobby and Axe saw in each other something slightly more pure.

It was a nice touch to reference Blind Faith, the supergroup fronted by Steve Winwood and Eric Clapton that recorded one album and then had a big breakup. Koppelman: Yes. This idea that people of diverse talents can come together and create something meaningful, recognize that, and then go their separate ways — that felt real and true for us. We felt we earned that particular handshake.

Is the Mike Prince character your commentary on Donald Trump? Koppelman: I don’t think it’s for us to say. We put it out there. We let Mike Prince articulate why he thinks he should be the leader of the free world and the rest of the world. He talks about his unique capacity to be the one person who knows when to first strike with nukes. None of it strains credulity. It’s for the viewers to figure out whether it rings of stuff that is in the current world.

Did you know that Damian Lewis would come back for the final season? Koppelman: He did tell us before he left that he would come back for the final season, whenever that was, but it was unspecified how many episodes. The opportunity to have him for half a season was just awesome.

This season also saw the return of some great “Billions” villains, including John Malkovich as crafty Russian oligarch Grigor Andolov and Clancy Brown as U.S. Atty. Gen. Waylon Jeffcoat. Levien: We wanted to make this season for people who really loved the show, and for ourselves. We wanted to see these characters that we had in our hearts one more time.

The other element that evolved was how the series also had this ensemble cast of outrageous and wacky characters who worked at the hedge fund. Levien: We had such a deep bench of great actors. Each one of them would take a character that didn’t have a lot of real estate and make them indelible in a short amount of time.

So what’s next? I know it’s hard to say now. But in a perfect world, will there be more of the “Billions” universe? Koppelman: This kind of world and these kinds of characters — very capable people who think they have all the answers and who might overestimate that capability, gamblers who put it all on the line — they fascinate us. That’s the area that we’re drawn to, and I’m sure we’ll continue working in it in some way. Levien: It’s been an incredible experience doing this show. It’s been the most singular run of our entire career. An amazing ride. Koppelman: We never took it for granted for a second.

[darkhorse-javert]

A meet 'Queue-te'

When the Queue for the Lying in State was going on, someone suggested the idea of a, meet cute in the Queue- a meet 'Queuete' as it were (Their name, not mine.) -

if anyone can find this post, please let me know, I'd like to attribute this idea properly.

I thought I'd give it a go, for Sam and Andrew, it is distinctly less disasterous than their meeting in Canon.

"So where have you come from?" She addresses the man- about her age- queued in front of her. It seems a safe enough question to ask, an easy touchstone of politeness, while breaking the very British silence and reserve.

“Anglesey,” he answers as he turns towards her- and yes, thinks Sam that is an RAF uniform, there’s a flash of silver from his flying-wings as the lapel moves-  "Although I'm from Hastings." He tips his head, eyes on her, possibly looking her over. "You?" 

"Lyminster- it's a little south of Arundel, just off the coast." Sam hurries to place it in context, at the slight blankness on the young man's face. Lyminster, little village with a knucker hole that no one has ever heard of. 

"Ah," he says, "Then we're neighbors by coast, of a sort." He smiles, a fun, rather boyish smile.

Boldly she holds out a hand and he shakes it neatly, politely, not stiffly. “I'm Andrew Foyle."

"Sam Stewart,” She replies Samantha really, but I like Sam." His brown eyes sparkle at that, something close to fellow feeling, or certainly understanding.

“What do you fly in Anglesea?' Her curiosity won't be contained, even if she is guessing that he flies.

"Planes- Fighter Jets, F22- and no, I never met Prince William, he'd left before I was posted, before I even had my commission. Anyway we were in different sections. He was air-sea rescue

There’s an air of recitation to the second bit, and she nearly laughs at it,"You get asked that a lot then?”

The man, Andrew, rolls his eyes heavenward dramatically "You have no idea. It seems to be the main fact civilians have retained about the RAF in Anglesea. Now if they asked me about running the Mach Loop, that would be another matter.

"The Mach Loop?" Mach is something to do with speed, the speed of sound she thinks

“Oops, he drops his head a little, a slight bashful twist to his face smile "It's part of the Welsh valleys where we practise low flying, the photographer-lot love it.” his eyes gleam "So do I."

“It sounds,” she says slowly trying to keep her words sensible, Manners, Samantha “Rather dangerous…”

“You mean you think we’re utterly mad.” Andrew says easily, “It is dangerous, but then so is anything with one of those Jets, they’re so quick and powerful. The Brass don't let you run it until you're trained enough.”  His eyes are distant for a moment, caught somewhere. The Welsh valleys probably, or elsewhere in the sky, then his expression clears and he glances along the flow of people, ahead of them and back down the river. Then shakes his head ever so slightly.

She knows what he’s thinking, So many people, so so many people come to pay their respects. It’s not a surprise, not really, but the sheer scale of it in reality is something else. She was loved, and a part of all our lives forever, something we could  be sure of, through all the changes the world threw at us. And yet, now she’s gone- and we'll never see her again. 

“Not sunk in yet?” Andrew says softly

She shakes her head slowly, “No.” Her voice is slightly unsteady to her ears  It should have, surely, we’ve known for a week now, prayers memorial and the condolence book in the church, Dad out at all hours consoling people. “Not properly.”

“Me neither.”

They stand there in quiet silence, a dull humm of chatter, the rush of the wind, noises around them. In the distance, a flag pole, it’s contents at half-mast, shifting slightly in the air, then move forwards with the shuffling flow of the queue.

“Did you ever meet her?” She asks quietly.

Andrew shakes his head sharply once “Nope.” But his face curls into a smile. “One of my mates did though, just after he’d got back and been given his DFC. Said she made you feel like you were the one that mattered, even in a room full of people… and that she teased him about how he fitted into a cockpit-” Sam threw him a look, but Andrew was already carrying on, heedless “Which given Rex is 6’ 2” in his socks, never mind his dress shoes, is a fair question to ask.” 

“What did he reply?” Sam felt her lips turning up in a smile at the mere thought, the mental image of the fairly diminutive queen with a much taller RAF man.

“That he was very good at folding up.”

The laughter splutters out of her, even though it feels undignified in this circumstance, and when she looks at her new friend, his eyes are alight too, “Apparently Her Majesty found it quite amusing as well, she had a good sense of humour.”

“That’s what you’ve heard isn’t it, in all the comments, in all the stories people have told; her sense of fun, her kindness…” Her smile, the brightness, in all the pictures, even to the very end, last Tuesday…  She gives herself a little shake, tears can wait until later. 

They shuffle a few steps further forwards, and the wind off the river nips her cheeks sharply with its ice.

“Would you like some coffee?”

Andrew’s head swivels, that’s really the only word for it, towards her,. “You have hot coffee?”

Sam opens her bag, and tugs out the battered old thermos from the side, holding it up triumphantly. Andrew’s eyes widen, focusing closely on the flask “Yes… Please.”

She has to pass the Thermos over in order to rescue a spare plastic mug from her bag, glad she had thought to pack them.  Andrew passes it back, and takes the mug instead, holding it out to be filled. She watches around her own rim as he curls his fingers around the mug, and takes a long sip.

“MMmm… Ten times better than the Naafi stuff, and that in the Mess.”

“Naffi?” Sam queries 

“‘Navy, Army and Air Force Institutes’, they run the base shop, run most of them in the country actually.” Andrew takes another sip of the coffee, looks back at her with a slight frown, his tone careful “You do realise you’re going to lose that Thermos at the Bag Check, don’t you? It’s clear bottles only.”

She nods with her mouth full, then swallows as soon as she can, to answer “It's the oldest, most battered Thermos in the vicarage, we’ve got half a dozen others. That's why I brought it… it doesn’t matter.”

Andrew’s nod seems to be approving,with a little humm in his throat, “The coffee does though,” he toasts her with the mug, “Thanks.”

Sam finds herself smiling broadly at his enthusiasm “You’re welcome.”

[denimbex1986]

Retrospection is a double-edged sword; opening oneself up to the past, what was lost and what wasn’t said can change a person. The power of love cracks a person open and spills out all the best and worst parts, all the love and all the loss. In writer/director Andrew Haigh’s newest film, “All of Us Strangers,” audiences are asked which comes out on top: the love or the loss. The film, based on the novel “Strangers” by Taichi Yamada and released January 19, mixes a slow burn romance between two lonely London residents, Adam and Harry (Andrew Scott and Paul Mescal, respectively), and Adam’s attempt to write about his life before he was orphaned at age 12.

In that mix, Haigh designs a film that starts as a somber, retrospective exploration of family and grief and morphs into a mesmerizing fantastical ghost story, beckoning Adam, and the audience, into self-forgiveness and acceptance.

In his attempt to go back to his life before his parents died in a tragic car crash, Adam re-visits his home outside of London in a much more suburban and traditional part of the country. He leaves behind the gay bars, grinding and ketamine to instead peer into his past, only to discover it might be his present too. When he meets his father (Jamie Bell) in the park, looking just as he did in the months leading up to his death, Adam steps back into his childhood from the ’80s and gets to visit with his mum (Claire Foy) and dad, picking up right where they left off.

Balancing his attempts to revisit his past, along with the burgeoning romance with Harry, proves to be no small task. Proving to a partner that you’ve seen the ghosts of your dead parents doesn’t sound like the most romantic of evenings. But the real meat of the film comes not in the forward progression of the, albeit somewhat loose, plot.

But rather, the most devastating parts of the film arrive in the smallest glances and mutterings in the most mundane of scenes. Haigh has always had a penchant for making the small moments of development in characters feel world-shifting, and with Scott’s talent behind the lead, together they’re able to craft a truly extraordinary character. Adam is someone that feels unique from any other gracing the screen today, but might still feel familiar to queer audiences, as Adam reflects the journey many experience trying to find their place in a family that doesn’t understand them.

On top of the ghost story looking the audience in the eye, whispers of homophobic rhetoric of decades gone, fears of AIDS ingrained in the culture and the ever-shifting landscape of queer liberation all run as undercurrents in the film, which create a rich and realist approach to a theme that many might have grappled with before.

It grounds the film in Haigh’s signature naturalist approach, where its source material focuses on the more magical elements. The adaptation into a contemporary queer context adds a layer of distance between the lead’s past and present, based in what has and has not changed, and the tension that arises from confronting the past while knowing how it shaped you.

The dream-like feel of the film is expanded upon in its refusal to explain how precisely it all works. Every ghost story has rules, the more obvious films frequently have a scene or montage dedicated to explaining each of them, and the plot is dependent on each of them. “All of Us Strangers” entirely skips over this, opting to instead let the audience read between the lines. Foy’s character even addresses this during the second act; Adam asks her if all of this is real, to which she replies, “Well, does it feel real?”

Haigh encourages viewers to open themselves up and ask not for what’s real, but instead how they react to what they’re seeing and feeling, and what it does to them.

While risks are inherent in any project as ambitious as this, Haigh and company are able to pull off an undeniably moving — and even somewhat sexy — look at the tensions of family and romance, and the way fear holds us back from the life and the love that people deserve to have. It’s really a love letter and a testament to the power of love (the concept and the song by Frankie Goes to Hollywood).'

[deerydear]

I've kept trying to say, "here is the shape of my wound", but the facts are not sterile. They take on a personality of their own. They do not lie cold and dead, because I am alive. It is part of me. I am here. Hello.

I enjoy life.

If one tries to impose, "This is the way that this should be", a voice is liable to come from around the corner, "No, I don't think so. I like it better, the way it is."

Are you to say that viruses shouldn't exist?

Well, those viruses might have their own opinion on the matter.

Are you scared of other people?

It seems to me that you are scared of the possibilities that other people preclude. It seems like you try to hide away wrapped inside yourself; only to find that "yourself" is a weave made up of all of your ancestors, friends, and enemies; the places you go, the food you eat, the people you love. It's all inside of you. Literally, in your cells. You breathe in the air that other people have breathed. The water we drink has been drunk time immemorial, again and again... by every animal, creature, beast.

Perhaps before there was shape, there was personality... and the personality formed the shape, such as a snail forms its shell.

In that last post about the trees:

"He makes these blunders sound like conscious, sentient decisions, when they’re really variations in the way that natural selection has arranged the tree’s unthinking hormonal command system. Wohlleben knows this, of course, but his main purpose is to get people interested in the lives of trees, in the hope that they will defend forests from destructive logging and other threats."

This makes me laugh, because some scientists say the same about human beings: that our personalities are largely genetic. So do we have a choice? I say so.

What of epigenetics?

I naturally am like my father, in many ways.... but I felt like I wanted to intellectually understand my mother's behaviour. I chose to change to become like her, even though I knew it was a detrimental shape to grow into. I saw how it looked from the outside.

The guiding factor is personality. I chose that. I...

Can you scientifically prove an "I"?

What are you?

"Who is asking? Why are you asking?"

You see, to ask means to have intent. Intent comes from a living creature. You are not objective. You are a subject. You are part of the world you study.

Saying this brings me joy.

I was reminded last night of the MAGI computers.

"You can feel their creator's personality in them, huh?" "I thought you created them." "I only created the system uplinks. The one who created the basic theorem and the mainframe was my mother." -------------------------

"Hey, how about telling me about the MAGI? Just a little?" "It's a long story. A long, boring story. Do you know about personality transplant OS?"

"Yes, it's for implanting an individual's personality into a seventh generation computer so it can think. The same technology is used for operating the Evas. I've heard MAGI's programming used one of the first test subjects." "My mother developed the technology." "So, it was her personality that was transplanted?" "Right! In a very real sense, these brains are my mother." "Is that why you wanted to protect the MAGI?" "I don't think so. I didn't really like my mom.

This was a decision as a scientist." --------------------------------------- "The night before she died, my mother told me that the MAGI are three aspects of herself. Herself as a scientist. Herself as a mother. Herself as a woman. The three aspects of her struggle for dominance inside the MAGI. She intentionally implanted the dilemmas of human experience.

Actually, each of the three programs are slightly different. I don't think I'll ever be a mother, and I don't really understand her as a mother. I respected her as a scientist. However, as a woman, I hated her."

"You're rather talkative today." "Only sometimes." ..... "Casper contains the program of her as a woman. She stayed a woman to the last. How totally like my mother."

[bloody-wonder]

Wait I wanna hear how aftg deconstructs that narrative

well basically by making character development more subtle and letting the characters keep their personalities

in the hands of a less attentive author - somebody who relies on tropes, somebody who wants to publish traditionally - andrew would’ve had an arc much more palatable to the maintream reader, an arc that may or may not involve apologizing to the people he offended and attacked, having to redeem himself in some way and his personality changing to the point of being unrecognizable - all in the name of demonstrating “healing”. instead andrew’s arc is much more nuanced: it doesn’t involve becoming “nice” or “normal”, other characters aren’t framed as an authority that he has to redeem himself to, the narrative doesn’t force him to conform in order to get respect, understanding and love. instead of having him try to integrate back into society nora says “fuck the society” and gives him neil who bc of his “unconventional” upbringing doesn’t have the same prejudices or expectations as the rest of the characters and therefore is uniquely positioned to understand andrew and meet him halfway. the development andrew goes through has more to do with taking the leap of faith and trusting another person once again as well as with learning to let people go. as a result, at the end of the story he isn’t any less complex or flawed but he is a much happier person, and instead of showing us how he will maybe change in the future nora ends the story after a crucial moment letting each reader imagine the kind of development they’d prefer and can relate to the most.

looks like it’s a common belief that all people are soft on the inside and when some trauma makes them hard and mean they have to just “heal” back to their normal soft selves. based on some reviews and fanon interpretations this is what some (many?) of the fans wanted andrew to do. but he would never! he, who rejoices in telling no to people who want him to change and responds positively only to people who accept him as he is. nora makes other characters show andrew kindness and respect first and she never makes him apologize or seek forgiveness. it probably shouldn’t feel so groundbreaking and yet it does to me.

[teamddixon]

A New Normal - Part 4

Summary: Set in the future of the TWD timeline, this   story follows Daryl, Y/N and her brother through their journey in the   world of the undead. It wasn’t like Daryl to let people in to his heart   easily, but it was Y/N’s smiles that had captured him completely, and   before he knew it, there wasn’t a scenario Daryl could think of about   his future that didn’t have Y/N in it.

(Photo not mine!)

A/N: Hi! Really hope the series has been enjoyable! Please leave a comment/feedback if you think the pace is too slow/too fast or really, anything you think about the series so far. Thank you so so much for reading. Please enjoy part 4 of the series. It contains some adult contents, so mature adults only, please! Please scroll away if you’re underaged, and I promise you the next chapter will be right on track, and you can still read it and understand the story without reading this one. Thank you!

Warnings: Some adult contents. Mature readers only.

Daryl immediately felt his face burned as Y/N’s soft lips came into contact with his. He didn’t flinch, like he would have in the past, instead, he stayed perfectly still, almost frozen in his seat. The only part of his body that was moving was his heart, that was banging against his rib cage so hard that it was almost as if it was trying to climb out through his mouth. As soon as her lips left his, he immediately felt himself physically craving for it. He looked at Y/N momentarily before looking away. He wasn’t used to feeling like this – feeling loved and wanted. But Y/N had showed him, so simply, nothing dramatic or theatrical that he was deserving of love. It was scary, but Daryl knew then that life was worth living as long as he had Y/N with him.

Y/N reached out and took Daryl’s hand in hers and squeezed it before interlacing her fingers with his. Daryl’s calloused fingers closed in and their hands fit like two perfect puzzle pieces. They just sat there in the car, in comfortable silence, their fingers intertwined, gaze forward, enjoying each other’s company. The threats of the world were far too real, so moments like these were important to them.

When they went back to the warehouse at night with a couple of squirrels they caught, Gerald approached Daryl gingerly and apologised for what had happened. Although Gerald didn’t know them well, he knew from the get go that Y/N and Daryl were a thing from the way they looked out for each other, and the connection they had. He was new to the group, and he wanted to respect the dynamics. For Gerald, he did admitted that he felt attracted to Y/N for her gentleness and kindness in taking care of him, but it was a boundary he knew not to cross. The rational side of Daryl knew that none of what happened on the first day they met were on purpose. However, the irrational side of him couldn’t bring himself to be friendly with Gerald. He maintained a distance from him as much as he could, but he didn’t let his personal issues with Gerald ruin the atmosphere of the group. Still, Daryl saw the potential in Gerald with his walker dispatching skills. He prove to be a valuable member to the team.

With Gerald in the group now, and his ankle all healed up, Andrew decided that they should split up to cover more grounds. The warehouse seemed to be a safe place to camp in now, but they would soon run out of food and water if they don’t find a more sustainable plan. Splitting up would allow them to hopefully look for more permanent and sustainable camps. While Daryl and Andrew were perfectly fine camping out, they both had the same goal, and that was to bring Y/N to a camp where she would be safer.

Daryl found a yellowed, slightly torn up map inside the warehouse, and planned a route each pair would take. They decided to make the lighthouse their rendezvous point because it was half way across in the map, and a prominent landmark to meet and make their next plan if they don’t find any camps en route. Y/N gathered some pieces of paper and a pencil and hand drawn the map, since there was only one copy for the four of them. The plan was to take no more than two weeks to meet at the rendezvous point. Andrew would go with Gerald, while Daryl would pair up with Y/N.

Before they parted ways, Andrew pulled Daryl aside to speak to him. “Promise me she’ll be safe, yeah?” Andrew asked, his voice hid a hint of worry. “Don’ worry, I’ll keep her safe and bring her back to ya.” Daryl nodded and the two men shook hands. Although Andrew was hesitant to let Y/N be away from him for so long, he really trusted Daryl. Andrew then walked to a slightly tearful Y/N and gave her a long hug. “Promise me I’ll see you in two weeks’ time?” Y/N’s voice was soft, as she bit back her tears that were threatening to fall down her face violently. “I promise. We’ll see each other again.” Andrew replied. He too, was trying to hold back his tears. Ever since the outbreak, he had never let Y/N out of his sight for more than a few days on end. This was going to be the longest they would be apart and they were both naturally worried about each other. Andrew leaned in and gave Y/N a kiss on her forehead, and wiped away her tears with his hands. With a final goodbye and exchange of “I love you”s, Andrew and Y/N parted ways with their partners.

It was tough for Y/N knowing that anything could happen to either of them during the two weeks they were apart. Despite her reluctance to say goodbye to Andrew, she understood it was necessary. Seeing Y/N tear up was hard for Daryl too. Y/N’s usual smiles were gone, and in place was tiredness of what the world was taking from each of them. He approached her and placed a hand on her shoulders. He gently lifted Y/N’s head with his other hand to level with his, and with as much conviction as he could muster, he told her everything was going to be okay. Y/N looked back at Daryl, her vision clouded by her tears and nodded her head. She knew she needed to snap out of it. She wrapped her hands around Daryl’s waist and rested her head on his chest. “Thank you. I’ll be okay... And we’ll be okay as long as we’re together.” Y/N whispered. Daryl responded by wrapping his own hands around her waist and tightening the hug.

Compared to the ruins and destruction around them as evidence of what the town had gone through, Daryl and Y/N’s journey was pretty uneventful. They never had to run away from any herds of walkers, nor did they run into any dangerous situations with other survivors out there. The both of them were constantly moving to keep up with the pace, but as night fell each day, they would set up their camps where it looked safe. They were making good speed, despite the lack of food and water. Daryl had been keeping track of the number of days they’d been travelling for, and by the placement of their location in the map, Daryl assured Y/N that she would be seeing Andrew in a few days’ time. Y/N was excited to see Andrew, but at the same time, she was feeling worn down for having found nothing on their route. There were no livable camps, nothing they could make permanent. She hoped Andrew was doing okay, and hoped they would have more luck out there.

Two nights before they were supposed to reach the lighthouse, Daryl and Y/N found an empty hut in the middle of the woods and they decided to set up their camp there for the night. It was the first camp they have found with at least some walls as coverage. After they had locked down the hut, Y/N sat down in front of the fire that Daryl had made, and patted the ground next her and gestured for Daryl to join her. As soon as Daryl sat down, she placed her head and rested her weight on his shoulders. Daryl pulled up his knees to his chest and made himself comfortable. One of his arms were wrapped around his knees, while his other arm was resting idly in the space between Y/N and himself. Y/N needn’t had to say a thing to Daryl, but he knew she was feeling disappointed with their lack of discovery. He wanted to comfort her, but he wasn’t sure how. He gently moved his idle hand to free himself, and as soon as he did that, Y/N woke up from her nap. She sat up quickly and muttered a “Sorry” to Daryl.

“Come ‘ere.” Daryl said, lifting his arm to create a space for Y/N to lie back down on his shoulders. When Y/N saw Daryl’s gesture, she couldn’t help but smile. Y/N didn’t need to be asked twice. She rested her head on Daryl’s shoulders again, and this time, he wrapped his arm around Y/N’s shoulders and gave her a comforting squeeze. They sat there for a few minutes, the only sounds were the cackling fire, and the insects chirping accompanying them. Right outside the four walls may be a decaying world but inside this dilapidated hut were two people, who were each other’s worlds, and they were perfect.

“Daryl?” Y/N whispered, not wanting to wake Daryl up if he was asleep. A soft grunt told her that like her, Daryl was wide awake.

“Mm?” Daryl responded. Y/N lifted her head from his shoulders and turned to face him, switching her legs to a cross legged position. “I don’t care how the world is like out there,” she began, her eyes darting across Daryl’s. “I’m really glad you’re here with me.” Y/N bit her bottom lip and felt her face flush as she said those words. She really meant it.  She was aware that life could go on being like this until the day death caught up with them, but she didn’t care as long as she had Daryl there with her until their eventual end.

“’M really glad too... that ya ‘ere with me.” Daryl replied. Even though Daryl didn’t know what love really meant, he felt himself falling deeper and deeper for Y/N every single day he was with her. Her smiles and contagious laughter were his strength, her positive outlook for a world with probably more dead than living was his hope, but most of all, Daryl was falling for Y/N simply for who she was. For as long as he could remember ever since meeting Y/N, he could never imagine a day without her.

They held on to each other’s gaze, until they weren’t anymore. Without a word, Y/N and Daryl closed their eyes and leaned in. As soon as their lips touched, they crashed against each other, hungrily and passionately. Y/N brought up her arms and wrapped it around Daryl’s body, while Daryl cupped her face with his hands. Soft moans escaped their mouths each time they come up for air. Y/N moved her hands to Daryl’s front and worked on his buttons. Her fingers quickly displaced the buttons until she could feel Daryl’s bare chest. Daryl also had his hands on the hem of her shirt and pulling it upwards. Y/N disengaged from Daryl’s lips momentarily so he could lift up her shirt over her head. As soon as her shirt was off, she leaned against Daryl again to take his lips back.

Daryl slowly moved Y/N to lay down on the floor and climbed on top of her. Y/N lifted her waist so Daryl could remove her jeans. She laid her bare bottom on the cold floor and wasted no time in unbuckling Daryl’s belt. Daryl stood up slightly so that he could slip off his pants. Y/N smiled and lifted her head and brought Daryl’s face down with her hands to continue kissing him. They took time to understand each other’s rhythms and needs, but they were soon moving in perfect tandem, moaning against each other’s ears as they both climaxed. Despite the cold, they were both covered in sweat when Daryl crashed down next to Y/N’s heaving body. Y/N turned to look at Daryl, and traced her fingers around his beard lovingly, initiating a small smile from Daryl. It was true, they saw each other as their world, and it really didn’t matter what the world out there was like as long as they had each other. Y/N snuggled against Daryl’s chest and within seconds, fell asleep to the rhythm of his heartbeats.      

[aro-is-gay-af]

Slavic Names in Twilight | Meta

This post is going to be long, so if you don’t have time, I advise you to come back here later (or not come back at all, up to you).

Honestly, I have no words for Smeyer anymore. I, probably like most of us, read the books while being an adolescent. When I was 12 I didn’t see a lot of things that happened to be in the books and were:  a) misogynistic  b) sexist c) abusive d) racist and that the story itself was bound to Mormons (sick!). 

If you want to read about it a little bit more I strongly recommend this post by @stregoni-benefici​ and @carlislesscarf​ 

This post isn’t going to be about how Smeyer treated The Quileute Tribe, indigenous people, people of color or women. This post is going to be about how lazy Smeyer exactly was while creating this story and how her prejudices influenced and created false image of yet another culture. 

Why am I making such a fuss because of this? A few days ago I was reading something about Garrett on Twilight Wiki page. By sheer luck, I clicked on Kate’s character and, what I saw there, outraged me to the point where I needed a little while to calm myself. 

I was 12 when I first read the books. I never bought official twilight guide, I only used Twilight Wiki to keep myself up to date. I clicked on Kate’s character and saw that she hails from Slovakia. Forgive my utter confusion, when I remembered other sisters’ names. Tanya and Irina. Also, Kate was created by Sasha, who also created Vasilli (an immortal child), which is why she was executed in the first place. 

While the story is charming, WHY THE FUCK DO THEY HAVE SUCH NAMES?! 

To understand my rage, I need to elucidate the matter a little bit for all of you. This will be the historical part. 

According to Twilight Wiki, Sasha was changed before 1000 AD. Then, she created Tanya, and not very long after, Kate and Irina. And now. What were the historical odds while it happened? 

Before 1000 AD, Slovakia wasn’t Slovakia but Great Moravia. Great Moravia lasted about a century - the time span here is approximately circa 820 AD to 906 AD. When Great Moravia no longer existed, territory was taken by Hungarians (Magyar tribes also referred to as Hungarian clans) and the development of future Kingdom of Hungary began. Then, around 1000-1001, King Stephan was crowned as the first King of Hungary. Some elements from the former Great Moravia were acquired by The Kingdom of Hungary. 

King Stephen managed to establish eight counties within his kingdom. Around 1015 some territories of today-Slovakia were acquired by Boleslav I of Poland (later king of Poland), however, King Stephen managed to recapture the territories in 1018. Wikipedia isn’t consistent here - while on History of Slovakia we have these information, the History of Poland during the Piast dynasty says: 

From 1003 to 1004, Bolesław intervened militarily in Czech dynastic conflicts. After his forces were removed from Bohemia in 1018, Bolesław retained Moravia. 

and:

[translation here is mine as the site is in Polish] Between 1003 and 1025/1031 the lands of today's Slovakia were part of the Kingdom of Poland after being conquered by Bolesław Chrobry. The Polish-Hungarian Chronicle described that "The Polish borders stretched as far as the banks of the Danube, to the town of Ostříhomia, then to the town of Eger, and further to the river called Ciepla [Topl'a] as far as the town of Salis, and there the borders between Hungarians, Ruthenians and Poles ended". 

Than, probably around 1031 AD the territories were acquired back. King Stephen died and his kingdom fell into internal conflicts. Soon, in 1042 AD emperor Henry III mingled to acquire some lands for himself (he was the Holy Roman Emperor). Anyway, then came 1048 AD and that’s what happened: 

In 1048, King Andrew I of Hungary conceded one-third of his kingdom (Tercia pars regni) in appanage to his brother, Duke Béla. [...] During the following 60 years, the Tercia pars regni were governed separately by members of the Árpád dynasty. [...] The dukes accepted the kings' supremacy, but some of them (Béla, Géza and Álmos) rebelled against the king in order to acquire the crown and allied themselves with the rulers of the neighbouring countries (e.g., the Holy Roman Empire, Bohemia).

The history of the Tercia pars regni ended in 1107, when King Coloman of Hungary occupied its territories taking advantage of the pilgrimage of Duke Álmos (his brother) to the Holy Land. Although, Duke Álmos, when returned to the kingdom, tried to reoccupy his former duchy with the military assistance of Henry V, Holy Roman Emperor, but he failed and was obliged to accept the status quo. 

Source for the two quotes above. 

You may ask, why on Earth did I just present to you part of history of Slovakia, Poland and Hungary. Because I want you to understand how completely ridiculous and simultaneously offending are the names of characters that Smeyer gave within this coven.

History shows us that, even though, these times weren’t exactly peaceful, there wasn’t an ongoing war. We have Hungarian tribes and the part, when some territories were acquired by a Polish king. What I mean by that, is that probably names around 1000 AD varied as to where your family lived, what was your social status, and probably were influenced by newly adopted Christianity. It is more likely that people on this lands were named with names of Hungarian origin than Russian. And I still think the majority of names were of Slavic origin, only with some local variations going on. 

Now, a little bit of common knowledge. People who descend from Poland, Slovakia, Czech Republic and Hungary are best buddies for life, even if they never saw each other. We have mutual respect for these countries and for ourselves, as our history brought us together multiple times (bad times and good ones). Russia IS NOT a part of this “mutual respect pact”. Mostly due to events that happened during both World Wars (i.e. Katyń Massacre), as well as other ones (Partitions of Poland, Eastern Bloc - communism). 

Most of the names used by Smeyer are of Russian (or Greek, or Hebrew) origin. Not Slavic origin. And while Russia is also the part of Slavic languages, there’s a significant distinction between West Slavic Languages (Slovakian, Czech, Polish language), East Slavic Languages (Belarusian, Russian, Ukainian) and South Slavic Languages (i.e. Serbian, Croatian, Bulgarian). 

It makes difference to the point that if I go to Slovakia or Czech Republic I'm able to communicate with people in my native language (Polish) while they can answer me in their native language. Not everything is going to be the same but you're able to maintain a conversation mostly about every topic that you'd like to discuss. It isn't impossible to do so with Russian or Ukrainian but it's much harder and there are more differences, and sometimes you aren’t able to communicate this way. The same goes with i.e. Croatian or Bulgarian.

Don’t get me wrong, dear friends from Russia (if anyone from Russia will ever read this). I’m pissed off because even though Smeyer created not one, but four characters with SLOVAKIAN origin, she didn't use at least one name which fully originated in that territories (and probably was used) around 1000 AD. She went for Russian names because, sure, let's do that, there's no big difference anyway and it’s easier. To add to that, Smeyer used Russian names which are widely used NOWADAYS, not ones which were probably popular (or just used) thousand years ago. 

Now, quick briefing on very popular names from that time (c. 1000 AD) in Slovakia and Czech Republic. 

Here’s the full article on Slavic names.  

While some of these names are used today, some of them aren’t at all or are used in a different, more evolved form. 

Now, to the names of our characters. The most explainable and justified name here is Kate’s name. In Twilight Wiki we can find that her actual name was Katrina and that her preferable name now is Kate. Let’s see the origins of the name Kate. 

Full article here. 

While we can read that variations of that name in Czech are: “ Katka, Kateřina, Kačka, Káťa, Kačenka, Káča, Kačí, Kačena” and in Slovakian “Katka, Katarína” still the origins aren’t Slavic. 

Next, Irina. 

As Wikipedia says:

Irina is a feminine given name of Ancient Greek origin, commonly borne by followers of the Eastern Orthodox Church. It is derived from Eirene (Ancient Greek: Εἰρήνη), an ancient Greek goddess, personification of peace.

Diminutive forms in Slavic languages include Ira, Irinka, Irinushka, Irisha, Irka, Irochka, Irinochka.

Here, we also don’t have Slavic origin. While it’s better than with Kate’s name because origins here seem to hugely blend, the proper origin of Irina’s name is Ancient Greek. I will never believe that a peasant girl from around 1000 AD was named Irina.

Here’s the full article. 

Next, Vasilli. 

Wikipedia doesn’t say much, except it’s a RUSSIAN NAME with Greek origin.

Full article here. 

Now, finally, we’ve two names left. First, Sasha. 

Finally, first one, which has Slavic origin. And while this name has many variations in many languages, I don’t believe that anyone in Slovakia prior to 1000 AD would name their child Sasha. This name gained popularity in 1970s, and I believe that it would be used rather as diminutive of a name in 1000 AD than a name itself. 

Full article here. 

Last, but not least, Tanya. 

Here, also, it isn’t a full name. Full name is Tatiana, and Tanya, especially in Slavic it is used as a nickname implying intimacy with the person OR used for baby talk. 

Full article here. 

What’s my point here? Even though two of these five names are partially Slavic in origin, they sound like Russian names. Not Eastern Slavic in one fucking bit. Sure, Smeyer could do a simplification and say that, yeah, girls acquired other names as centuries passed. Agreed, even strongly. 

BUT

Smeyer never said anything like this. Also, I’m under the impression that this names were meant to sound Russian. And, people, don’t get me wrong, I really hold nothing against Russians, but because of doing such thing Smeyer has perpetuated certain patterns and beliefs that have become firmly established in US culture and West culture in general by now. 

No wonder why some people never distinguish between Russia, Slovakia, Poland, Czech Republic or Ukraine, or other countries from Easter Bloc. How can they, where in majority of mass media they’re taught that IT IS EXACTLY THE SAME THING. Why should they bother? 

I have many friends among Slovakian people. Slovakia is like a second home to me. I also have a few friends from Czech Republic. And before, I’ve never been bothered by this name thing because I was a child. Today I couldn’t be silent about it. 

It’s sad that another culture and fantastic history was just blended in with Russia because why not. I don’t understand why in Western movies or books all people from former Eastern Bloc need to be Russian. 

I am Polish and to me it’s just extremely sad. We (and I think I can count in here Slovakia, Czech Republic, Hungary, but also Croatia or Serbia) have fantastic culture and very long, eventful history. People from these countries are welcoming and share great hospitality. 

I don’t know why Smeyer did something like this, but I suppose it’s just a thing she does to everyone. Rip away their culture and pretend she didn’t do it. 

I am grateful that this fandom is a lot wiser than the creator of the books. This is what I said in the beginning of this post. Smeyer could’ve gone to library and read a little about the history and the names. I mean, If she didn’t found it on the Internet, because it was 2006, I believe, so she could research it. If there was nothing on the Internet, I’m sure a library would do. 

She did a poor research or didn’t do it at all. And that’s what happened. Was it worth it? I don’t think so. 

***

Everyone, please, comment, but be kind to each other (and to me xd). I wrote what I felt. As I’ve told you already, I’m Polish and I really felt that I should write this meta/disclaimer from a point of view of a person who lives in Slavic-origined country and has many Slavic-origined friends.

I still feel triggered because of this. Reblog this so others could see and say what they think. 

[ceriseeclipse]

Dark Skies

The Signs’ Face Claims

I had this idea for a while: Personification of the signs. I always wanted to write a story that presents the signs as people, with the same features and personalities that the signs are said to have, living their lives, interacting with each other. Here are a few ideas for each character, if I get to the actual story, the characters will develop a lot of course. Please inbox me your feedback, if you would be interested in a story as such. 

Here’s an idea for the face claims. (the actors’ actual sun signs don’t have anything to do with their roles):

Henry Cavill as Aries, the impulsive soldier.Strong-minded and brave, but a hot-head, which makes him dangerous in a fight. He often throws caution to the wind and goes straight to the point, which he may regret later. He lives for today, is initiative and ambitious, lacks certain gentleness, humility and sense of social act, hurts people without even intending to. He’s restless, vital and always looks for new challenges and adventures. Deep-set eyes and dark eyebrows give him the severe, serious but handsome look. He’s not into love, but does like sex. He rarely gets attached to people, only lives for war and winning battles.

Zoë Kravitz as Taurus, the confident, self-sufficient, but sensitive girl. You can rely on her, she’s honest and respects good manners. Patient and cautious, she knows what she wants and won’t let anyone stop her. She keeps her feet firmly on the ground, doesn’t like to dream or wish, she strongly believes that if you want something enough, you have to go and get it. She’s practical and responsible, but easier to break than she’ll ever show. She loves strongly, and passionately, has a big, loving heart, but knows when to let go, she doesn’t put herself down for anyone. Her doe-like, big, brown eyes will make you trust her with your life. She is exactly who a woman should be, if you could say that, confident, strong, independent and intelligent.

Tom Hiddleston as Gemini, the sweet and funny, blonde, curly-haired sunny-boy. He can seamlessly change everything, from style, ideas to work or partner. He is easy to adjust to significant changes. Surrounded by a little nervous energy, he is brilliant but sometimes emotionally unstable. Being bisexual, he likes to sleep around with different people, but doesn’t really mean to intentionally hurt anyone, he just expects other people to take life and relationships as easily as he does. He’s humorous, energetic and cheerful, but doesn’t let anyone see his sensitive side, that’s why his mysterious way seems very attractive. 

Andrew Garfield as Cancer, the typical sweet boy, who likes to play with fire and often gets burned. He can go from being in a great mood to suicidal thoughts in a second. His heart is easy to break and he doesn’t know how to get over it. Trying to bring an order to his chaotic feelings, he starts writing. For himself at first, but that’s how his talent as a writer gets discovered. It helps at first, but his vulnerable nature wants him to take revenge on those who hurt him, which starts to destroy him slowly. 

Madelaine Petsch as Leo, the Queen Bee in Louboutins. She likes expensive clothes, always looks flawless and knows it. She appears even more confident than she actually is. As a struggling actress, her life hasn’t been the easiest. Trusting and a little naive, she’s often been used and lied to. She likes to manipulate people, but sometimes ends up being manipulated herself. Trying hard to hide her generous, forgiving heart, she thinks that the key to success is heartlessness and diamonds. Her brutally honest personality gave her the name of a “bitch”, which she enjoys at times, it gives her a painful kind of satisfaction to be hated, but admired at the same time. Her long, red hair perfectly matches her ever-red lips and green eyes, that roll so often. She enjoys her naturally good looks and knows how to use it for her best. 

Jamie Chung as Virgo, the beautiful healer. She’s a doctor, she lives for helping people. But the sad truth is, she doesn’t always know how to help herself. Being a gorgeous, strong woman, she is full of insecurities, no one can understand. She is ready to sacrifice herself for others, even people she doesn’t know, because her own life doesn’t mean anything to her. Attentive, with great analytical skills, she seems to see everyone's personality through, she sees when somebody’s hurting, when somebody's lying, her eyes don’t miss out on anything. She loves to bring order into the chaotic life, and tries to make the world a better place by being considerate and organized. Being wealthy, she doesn’t like expensive and unnecessary luxuries. Taurus is her soulmate, but unfortunately, there are many struggles that come in their way. Their love is beautiful and innocent, but leaves them both heartbroken, more than once. 

Shay Mitchell as Libra, the girl next door. She has always been a girl who went by unnoticed. A wallflower kind of girl as they say. She never minds, she doesn’t like to show off, doens’t like to shine. Simple clothes and sneakers, ponytail and barely any make-up, that is her every day look. She has a soft personality and knows how to handle troubles, a diplomat, religious, fair, justice has always been important to her. People usually think that she is a depressed teenager, but that isn’t true, life is going as she wishes it to go. She doesn’t like to be pushed, pressured, she prefers to leave responsibility to others. Sometimes, she feels a little basic, that’s all. But the girl will find her place in this world very soon. 

Michael Ealy as Scorpio, the blue-eyed devil. Despite what people said, he isn’t all that bad. The often call him “the evil eye”, if your eyes meet, you always move first. He can kill you with a look, undress you with a look, send you to hell with only one look. He’s never easy, everything is important to him and he takes everything seriously. All around him is black or white, nothing in between. The only people he can call friends seem more like loyal servants. It feels like he never tells the truth, he’s mysterious to a fault and will never tell you his opinion about anything. Don’t do him wrong, he will never let you leave with it. He scars a lot of people. Not always intentionally, just by being himself. 

Will Smith as Sagittarius, the short-tempered cop. He’s charismatic and respectful, a real fighter for justice. Straightforward, he will shoot arrows, he can’t leave anything unspoken. If you’re in the wrong, he’ll make you crack. He does have strong relationships with people, but only the ones who deserve it in his opinion. Quite tolerant, he will accept a lot of your flaws, but never cross a line, he can cut you out of his life in a second. He’s living on the edge, taking risks, jumps into danger, whether it’s about work or love. Being short-tempered, he gets angry fast, screams, even gets physical, but calms down fast and often regrets it. He does have a good soul, but not many get to see it. Mostly, all they see is a man fighting for the good in any possible ways.

Keanu Reeves as Capricorn, the lone wolf. He never really needed anyone. He was fine being alone. Growing up in an orphanage, he was used to it. Not knowing love, no one to care about. But still, he got through, fought for his degree, became a teacher, not even knowing what for. He doesn't really fall in love, he doesn't really get attached, he doesn't really need it. His good looks and seemingly cool nature attracts a lot of people, he’s interesting, mysterious behind closed doors. But no one really knows him, not even himself. At times, it feels like he's ready, to be a part of the world, to take care of people, but he struggles to believe that anyone would put up with him. He always was so ambitious, so determined, but he came to a point where nothing makes sense anymore. That's the moment he meets him. Better said, he reads his book. A book about retaliation.

Margot Robbie as Aquarius, the sharp-tongued beauty. She grew through struggles and insecurities, which turned her into this perfect human being. She was abused, betrayed and had to fight to survive, just to become a brilliant thief. She’s a woman who gets what she wants, with her intelligence and incredible looks. She considers herself a visionary, she has her ambitions and desires, she’s close to the spiritual world and has a great imagination. Overly dramatic at times, she knows her worth, and knows others better than they know themselves. People bore her quite easily, she expects mystery and entertainment from others. Sexually passionate, she suffers from lack of permanent feelings. Her life has to be a never-ending adventure. 

Jared Leto as Pisces, the lost soul. He'a a musician, struggling with drugs and alcohol abuse. His curious and creative mind can't manage between his will to get inspiration and his addictions. He always needs more, whether it's whiskey, love or music, he can never stop. At times, it feels like he's at the end, that he can't do it anymore, but only one shot, and he's back, writing, singing, playing guitar. He falls in love with creative souls like himself, struggling, even dying. For him, it's always over. Every day, can be his last and all he does is singing, dreaming, he always took the path of least resistance.

[exy-softie]

neil and parental figures (maternal abby)

- a ted talk by me

(no but seriously before you read this you should know it was 5am when i wrote it you can’t blame me for being a sleep deprived mess i don’t even know what this is but i’m posting it for the sake of the impulse sorry for any type of mistakes, thank you)

okay so obviously kevin’s parental figure is wymack and we also agree that andrew’s is betsy right? right

but what about neil?

he has made it clear that he’s not looking for one nor does he need it, he’s actually rather uncomfortable with the thought but-

*sighs*

we can’t consider stuart as his parental figure; he may be his only family (by blood) and maybe they even get in touch now and then (i’ll probably write another post about this) but as much as i love the idea of neil having this cool gangster uncle who protects him from an ocean away, they aren’t really that close. 

*sips tea and looks into the horizon*

some may say that wymack is the closest he has as a paternal figure and i agree, since wymack always tried to help him and was there for him and he has very paternal vibes and is kind of all the foxes’ dad and whatever- 

BUT

*gulps what’s left of the tea agressively*

what if

abby

was neil’s maternal figure

aND his closest parental figure

*throws tea cup to a wall*

now i kNOW I KNOW,,,,that this is kind of impossible and just a dream cause canon neil would most likely never but we come here to be happy not to be real-

...

everything is fake-

...

*inhales*

(EVERYTHING IS FAKE EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS FAKE THE GRASS ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD ISN’T EVEN GRASS IT’S PLASTIC ALL THE PEOPLE ARE FAKE THEY ARE MADE OUT OF METAL BUT I LIKE YOU AND THAT IS NOT FAKE *hits head against the table* *cries and visibly shakes*)

*exhales*

(I APOLOGIZE BUT REGRET NOTHING)

(YES YG DID ME DIRTY)

(in a beautiful way)

anyways

abby being neil’s maternal figure. 

maybe he was curious. he probably used to think of mary as a “decent parent” (not that she was) but she was abusive, so he is intrigued, although first frightened, by abby’s nurturing and kind essence

abby was the first person from the team who saw his scars and was always making sure he was alright (when allowed). i like to think she earned his trust trough the years and maybe one day, abby gets to be the only person (apart from andrew and matt) who neil lets himself be soft with. 

he starts accepting abby’s gentle cares and finds out he enjoys her company and feels peaceful in her presence. 

while neil is at palmetto they meet once a month or every two weeks to have tea with cookies and they mainly talk about neil`s classes and exy and abby`s new hobbies

*suddenly remembers the tea and pours herself another cup*

*tries it*

*kinda cold tbh*

speaking of which, abby’s main hobby is to knit, so if you’re imagining her knitting neil hundreds of scarfs and sweaters and socks and gloves you’re totally right

neil loves them but he also encourages her to start doing them for the whole team bacuse he`s running out of space and it becomes a christmas tradition to get one of abby’s nitted pieces

she gives a matching pair of sweaters to neil and andrew as a present in one of their anniversaries

when neil goes pro tho, they don’t see each other that much, however one of them calls at least once a month and neil also visits when he has the chance and they have their tea afternoons. he also sends her little gifts from different places he’s been while andrew does the same with bee

(can you imagine bee and abby bff forever talking about their *sons* and how proud they are of everything they have acomplished and also how much they love each other)

*wipes away emotional tear*

*whispers* lovely bastards...

now....

just imagine...

the possibilities if:

ABBY IS AARON’S MATERNAL FIGURE TOO

*laughs manically*

imagine everything i just mentioned

but sometimes aaron is there too

like both neil and aaron go to abby’s on the same day and she makes them both stay and have tea with her and they can’t say no cause it’s sweet old abby. 

i think is easier (or not actually, because aaron is really suspicious and rejective towards anyone but wtv) to explain why aaron gets close to abby, since both of them are health workers (or student) and he already respected her professionally. with the time tho, he starts going to her for advice and he also (like neil) finds her attitude comforting. she makes them both understand how maternal affection is supposed to feel like. 

aaron and neil fighting over who gets abby the best birthday present. 

later on, aaron and neil bonding over deciding what to get her and weighing up the best options togheter cuz #thisisimportant

aaron, neil and abby sitting at the table gossiping about aaron’s co-workers and neil’s teammates and rivals (aaron and neil trashing them while abby tries to reprimand them but still laughs at her boys critizicing people togheter cause they seem actually happy)

(andrew having to stand this new awkward friendship between the two and sometimes just sitting there while they talk about random stuff)

[lailoken]

“Stones of Power:

The Flints which find their way to the surface of the land are beautiful and varied but nevertheless quite small. The few larger stones which are found around Norfolk are mostly glacial erratics. Due to their relative rarity, such stones are considered remarkable and are rich in history, often having been meeting places where significant decisions were taken. Unsurprisingly, they have much magical lore associated with them and retain considerable power, which can be drawn upon for magical purposes. This sometimes involves spells but is more often a means of developing our understanding of unwritten history. After all, the memory of stones is deeper and denser than the Mercurial gifts of pen and ink of of the whispered word. The sonorous voices of these stones have a language of their own, unfettered by grammar and vocabulary. They "speak’ to one another across the landscape, maintaining, not only their ancient kinship, but also an intricate pattern of silent power lines. The following examples represent just a small selection. There are more which can be sought out.

The Cowell Stone

This stone is to be found on Swaffham Heath, about 150 yards from the B1122 road to Downham Market. It stands at a truly liminal spot, marking a hundred boundary, as well as those of the parishes of Swaffham, Marham and Narborough. Part of the Icknield Way, marked as Peddersty or Saltersty, and the East-West Fincham Drove, which is a Roman road, pass very close to it (Clarke and Clarke, 1937). Its magic draws together the footsteps of the many who have trodden these paths and lived and died in the surrounding parishes.

The origin of the stone's name has a number of possibilities. Ben Ripper (1979) suggests it is named after Cow Hill, or a corruption of coal, since the stone once guided pilgrims to a beacon hill near Colkirk (Coalchurch). The stone used to be situated in a field nearby, where workers sat on it to eat their dinner. However, in the 1980s, it was moved by two local historians, Ben Ripper and Peter Howling, as it was considered to be at risk of damage from ploughing. The move seems not to have disrupted its energy in any way, perhaps because it was conducted with respect and honourable intentions. It has a warm, welcoming lenergy, one which encourages the seeker to both broaden and deepen their quest for knowledge, not just of stones, but of all aspect of the magic of the land.

The Merton Stone

The Merton Stone, nestled in a shallow marl pit, just off the Peddars Way near the boundary of the parishes of Merton and Threxton, is thought to weigh between twenty and thirty tons and to be the largest glacial erratic in the United Kingdom.

Some people say that to stand on it is a chilling experience, where the presence of malevolent spirits can be felt. However, on a warm, sunny day it is more likely to be a very pleasant, and indeed healing experience. It is well known that, continuing a centuries-old tradition, young ladies wishing to fall pregnant still sit on the stone and find its magic effective. The plants around it, especially the Mugwort, seem to derive extra energy from their proximity to such a powerful character.

There is a long-held local belief that, if the stone is removed, the waters will rise and cover the entire Earth (Clarke and Clarke, 1937). Moving the stone was apparently attempted by the 5th Lord of Walsingham, one of the ancient de Grey family. He assembled all the local men and women, together with much beer and many ropes, but the failed attempt ended in an "erotic debauch". Another attempt to move it, in the 1930s or 40s, this time using a large rotary plough, was equally unsuccessful (Burgess, 2005b), although I have been unable to find out whether this ended the same way as the previous escapade.

The Stockton Stone

The Stockton Stone currently stands on the raised grass verge of a lay-by on the A146, between Beccles and Norwich, just outside the village of Stockton itself. This lichen-covered, sandstone glacial erratic weighs several tons and is said by some to have been an ancient track marker. According to Michael Clarke, it marks the old meeting place of the Clavering hundred, possibly the place where the 10th century Danegeld was paid, although Geldeston, near Beccles, might be a more likely candidate, given its name.

Like the Merton Stone, the Stockton Stone has a curse upon it that anyone who moves it will fall victim to terrible misfortune or death. Much to the consternation of many local people, it was indeed moved, in the 1930s, to accommodate the widening of the road. Not surprisingly. one of the workmen involved collapsed and died.

In spite of its unfortunate location, so close to a very busy road, this stone retains an amazingly powerful energy and people still leave small offerings there. While paying our respects recently, a group of us found a rather attractive blue stone egg, which looked as if it had not been there for very long. Moved by the moment and by the atmosphere, one of our party suggested that we should hold hands and dance around the stone three times, which we duly did, much to the amusement of passing motorists!

The Great Stone of Lyng

This is another erratic brought to us by the glaciers of the Ice Age. There are many local tales surrounding this mysterious Stone, which is said to bleed if pricked with a pin. Some claim the blood is that of victims from a time when the stone was used as a sacrificial altar, while others are of the opinion that it is the blood of those who fell during a ferocious battle between King Edmund and the Danes. Others tell of treasure hidden beneath it and how the landowner has never been able to move the stone to unearth the spoils (Burgess, 2005a).

The grove in which the stone stands, almost hidden beside the path, does have a rather unnerving feel to it. One can "see" all too easily soldiers struggling up the steep escarpment and the bodies of the slain sprawled on the bank to the other side of the path. Rod Chapman informs me that, not so very many years ago, some of the children of the village had to walk through the grove, past the stone, in order to get to school and, in the winter, these children were allowed to leave school early so that they could walk through before it was dark. This is completely understandable. On climbing out of the hollow to the fields above, the atmosphere suddenly changes completely. There is almost a sense of relief and a feeling that one no longer needs to speak in hushed whispers.

There is a recent tale of a brave, tough, yet inexperienced witch who was determined to camp out for a night by the stone, in order to become better acquainted with the ghosts and spirits of the place. He pitched his tent right near the stone and was confident that he would have an interesting and informative night's vigil. However, he became so frightened by the eerie sounds and the terrifying atmosphere that he was forced to run from the place and ring a fellow practitioner to come with their car and rescue him! The stone does look something like a Dragon and has a hole in it just where the eye would be, which is deep enough for an adult to insert their entire arm. Quite a few people I know have done this and come to no harm, although it is not a pleasant experience.

Not far from the grove, in the middle of a field, are the ruins of a nunnery known as St. Edmund's Chapel, which was said to have been built to honour those who died in the battle.

It has been suggested that Blood's Dale, between Drayton and Hellesdon, on the slopes leading down to the River Wensum, where the Danes are also said to have fought the Anglo-Saxons, may have been the site of King Edmund's death in 896 CE. Abbo of Fleury (870 CE) tells us that King Edmund died at Hellesdon, and Joe Mason (2018) argues convincingly, that the unusual number of churches dedicated to St. Edmund along this stretch of the River Wensum is significant. The survivors, having found the King's severed head with the help of the Wolf, could have taken his body upstream to Lyng, to the aforementioned chapel. Although not fully excavated, some pottery dating from the time of King Edmund, has been found there. Furthermore, an old tithe map refers to the Grove as King's Grove and a map published in the Eastern Daily Press in 1939, names the Great Stone as King Edmund's Stone. Perhaps this would have been a suitable burial place for the miracle-working king? (Mason, 2018) Some of us would like to think so. Certainly, the Ash keys collected from a tree growing on the ruins of the nunnery are particularly effective in assisting those who wish to speak with spirits of the dead.

The Aldeby Rune Stones

Not all our standing stones are ancient, and just as exciting are those being erected now for the benefit of ourselves and of future generations. Aldeby, in South East Norfolk, is a wonderful such example. Here, seven standing stones have been carved with runes and with Christian symbols, and placed around the parish boundary as part of a Millennium project, known as "Pathways in Stone". The runes spell out the name of the village but are also related to the powers of the stones themselves. The Stone of Dawn, for example, features the Day Rune (dagaz) and a Medieval symbol of the World and the four Elements, while the Stone of Wisdom has the God Rune (ansuz) and the square and circle symbol for the material and spiritual worlds. One stone, the Stone of Destiny, combines all the symbols found on the outlying stones, with the addition of the othel rune, symbolizing ancestral land and heritage. The stones are carboniferous limestone, so had to be brought in especially for the project, but in spite of having been in place for a relatively short time, some of them are already giving off some very interesting energy.

These stones form a pilgrimage walk around the village and are best seen in the Winter when they are not obscured by vegetation.

The Druid Stone of St. Andrew's

When Ray Loveday pointed out to me his "Druid Stone", at the North-east corner of St. Andrew's Church, in the centre of Norwich, I was astounded that I had walked down St. Andrew's Hill so many times, admiring the cleverly-knapped Flint of the church wall, without noticing this stone. It is another of those magical items which are hiding in plain sight, but once the attention is drawn to it, the remarkable ancient power it holds becomes apparent. This stone, at least what can be seen of it above ground, is not large, and has a fairly flat top with a number of circular indentations which are often filled with' water, and work well as scrying pools. Ray is unsure whether they are a natural feature, were deliberately carved out or have developed over centuries as a result of water dripping from the church roof. There are several smaller, less well-rounded dips too, which tend to get rather muddy. The stone, which has a very feminine feel to it, welcomes small, discrete offerings, such as a ring of twisted Periwinkle stems or a little Daisy chain; nothing too elaborate or containing any artificial materials. It certainly deserves respect and attention, as it appears to form part of the magical foundation of the city.”

—

Chapter 2: ‘Sacred Places: Stories Within the Landscape’,

Of Chalk & Flint:

A Way of Norfolk Magic

by Val Thomas

[purpleshadow-star]

Imagine is they had in fact thrown away Neil's file.

Tw: Suicide mention, mention of Drake (but no details)

The Foxes (and Jean)

Kevin would go on believing he made the right choice for the team and they would find some other person who fit the fox criteria

The team would still deal with Riko's jealousy but not in such a violent way

Seth would have lived

The team would continue to be divided.

No Drake or dinner with the Hemmicks but also no early release from the drugs for Andrew

Andrew would continue with life with no real purpose other than his deals with Kevin and Aaron

No twinyard healing (at least not as much)

Aaron's deal would stay in place and the twins probably wouldn't talk or stay in touch after graduation

Kevin would continue live in fear of Riko

The Foxes would have lost a lot more (Kevin would have made them better but Neil allowed them to become a real team and gave them motivation they wouldn't have without him)

Andrew would still get better with Bee's help, but it would be slow going, even slower than normal

He wouldn't get much better with touching other people

He'd have nightmares and bad days with no one to really help him

He'd probably never get past meaningless hook-ups

He might eventually find someone who he finds interesting enough and worth his attention, but there aren't many people who can understand him and learn to live with his apathy

There aren't many people who would understand his boundaries and do everything in their power to respect them

There aren't many people who would be patient while Andrew slowly gave them his trust and got comfortable with intimacy

There aren't many people who can understand his view of the world and who would understand and accept his morals

Jean would have been injured even more when Kengo died (maybe to the point where he couldn't play anymore or he might have even died)

Tbh Jean probably would have committed suicide (Nora said the final version was the only one where Jean lived so it's definitely possible)

Kevin would go pro and Andrew would follow to keep his promise

Life would be lived either in constant fear for one, or total apathy for the other

The OG Foxes would find nothing particularly special about that year, other than Kevin joining

They'd have no special connection to each other and while they might keep in touch after they graduate, it would be the Upperclassmen talking to the Upperclassmen and the Monsters talking to the Monsters

Now for Neil

Neil would have kept running after his graduation

He would change his hair and name and get a new ID and papers

He would run until he was caught again

He might die the next time he's caught and his story would end there

He might escape and keep going

He would keep watching Kevin's progress with the Foxes

Eventually, he might even call Stuart and agree to go live with him

Stuart cared about his sister so he would take Neil in

Neil would agree to go to live with his uncle under the condition that he doesn't join in on any crime

He doesn't want to be part of any mob

Neil would live out his life sheltered away

His Uncle might push girls at him to socialize with and potentially form a relationship with, but without anyone to help him deal with the trauma his mother left in him, he would stay single

He wouldn't look at girls or guys

He wouldn't have anyone constantly in such close proximity to him that he'd be forced to befriend them

He wouldn't trust anyone enough to let his barriers down, because he's surrounded by criminals and the mob and he can't trust anyone

He'd watch all of the Foxes' and the Ravens' Exy matches, because he wouldn't know about the Moriyamas, not really

He wouldn't know that his father almost sold him to Tetsuji

He wouldn't know the truth behind the Nest

Stuart doesn't see the need to tell him (if Stuart even knew about that would-be transaction from Neil's childhood)

Neil would find some local gym or neighborhood Exy teams to play on (under the eye of at least four of Stuart's undercover guards to keep him safe) but it just wouldn't be the same

Neil would spend the rest of his life pining after Kevin's life

Kevin- the one who made it out (but not really. Not in Kevin's mind)

He'd live the rest of his life and die in safety, pretty much alone, the way he's been since his mother died

Anyway, I'm just saying it's a good thing Coach Hernandez had the foresight to send tapes of Neil playing. He's the real hero of this series.

[play-exy-be-sexy]

Foxes and their political views(if the books took place in 2021)

Neil:

he isn’t super politically active.

He doesn’t really watch the news or vote in minor elections but he’s definitely a progressive.

He basically is the “i respect your opinion if it respects other people” kinda guy.

He’s pro choice, lgbtqia+(obviously), blm, all that stuff but he doesn’t really pay attention to the things involve money like healthcare, student debt, taxes, etc.

He would have probably voted for Bernie in the primary.

He doesn’t like Trump but also kinda finds it funny that he is our president.

Andrew:

I head canon Andrew as very politically active and aware.

he kinda has to be as a criminology major.

He still is after college tho too.

He watches the news every morning while he drinks his coffee

Usually MSNBC or Democracy Now!

Very progressive but unlike Neil he plays a lot of attention to healthcare, criminal justice reform, taxes. Those things.

Also he’s a huge feminist.

Like goes to marches(usually with Dan and Renee)

He votes in every election big or small.

He LOVES Elizabeth Warren.

Despises Trump like rants to Neil about him 24/7.

Kevin:

Kevin is hard because on one hand I can see him being into politics but on the other hand all his time is devoted to exy.

Like he definitely knows what’s going on in the world at all times.

He’s very caught up but he doesn’t necessarily care or watch the news.

Also he’s a moderate democrat sorry.

He believes in all the human rights things obviously but doesn’t care enough about the other stuff to be considered a liberal.

He has enough money he doesn’t care about medical bills or taxes or student debt.

Plus a lot of the human rights issues can effect Exy.

There are a lot of POC and LGBTQ+ athletes and he hates to see the hate they get(himself included)

He doesn’t vote in anything but the presidential election.

He voted for Biden only because he was the most popular and he liked him and Obama alright.

Nicky:

He does not do politics.

They irritate him too much and he just finds all the politics over basic things frustrating.

While he hates the whole Washington DC politics he is a very big advocate for minorities.

He constantly is sharing resources on social media, going to parades and protests, etc.

He’s very progressive but again doesn’t ever vote.

He did vote in the 2020 election tho because he could not handle four more years of Trump.

He is always bashing Trump on Twitter and finds it quite relaxing.

Aaron:

Aaron is a lot like Andrew.

He likes to stay involved and aware of current events.

While he’s not very far left he is still a solid democrat.

Because he is after all a med student drowning in student debt and is surrounded by poc and lgbtq peers.

And even tho it many take him a while to get use to queer people he doesn’t not like them.

And accepts him brother and cousin no matter what.

Renee:

She doesn’t like politics.

They make her very sad.

She hates seeing all the people fighting each other and fighting over basic human rights.

However she still votes and all that.

Also she loves parades and protests.

If there is one anywhere near her she will be there.

It doesn’t matter what cause.

She can always be found in the center with a prose flag, blm sign, etc.

Dan:

This so getting long so I’ll try to keep the next few shorter.

Dan is your classic American voter.

She isn’t very involved but still voted and may turn the news on occasionally.

Her main topic she cares about is pro choice issues.

And is always very supportive of women in general.

She got very involved in the Me Too movement.

Allison:

Pretends like she doesn’t care but really she does and she hates seeing dumbasses ruin the country and world.

Also donates so much money to whatever candidate or issues she cares about.

Votes in the big elections.

Matt:

He tires to care and watch the news.

Especially as he gets older but he just finds it so...

Boring

Like he just doesn’t understand it.

But also he isn’t afraid to fight racists and Trump supporters.

Abby + Whymack

Very moderate Democrats.

Their main issues is student debt because they see what it does to kids and it kills them.

Bee

Bee is always up to go to a protest or parade with you.

All you have to do is ask.

She has an outfit for every occasion.

She is very progressive and very involved.

Yes, they are all Democrats what did you expect?

I’m too tired to proof read so sorry in advance.

[introvertguide]

The Best Years of Our Lives (1946); AFI #37

The next film on the AFI list is the epic drama, directed by William Wyler, about the men coming home to their families after WW2, The Best Years of Our Lives (1946). The timing on the films\ was perfect to help families deal with the struggles of returning war veterans. It deals with unfaithful partners, loving partners who have to learn to except injuries of their loved ones, and families who have made a life out of being without a father in the household and nobody is quite sure how to proceed. The movie was nominated for 8 Oscars and took home 7 of them including Best Picture and Best Director. Harold Russel won Best Supporting Actor as well as a special award for encouraging fellow veterans. Mr. Russel was the only actor to ever win two acting awards for the same role in the same year. There is more to be said about the actors and the story, but it seems now is a good time to go over the plot of the film. This, of course, involves...

SPOILER ALERT!!! WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS FILM IS NO BIG SURPRISE, BUT I WOULD STILL RECOMMEND WATCHING IT FIRST AND THEN COMING BACK AFTER TO READ THE REVIEW!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The plot follows the lives of three veterans returning from service at the end of World War II to the fictional midwestern town of Boone City: USAAF bombardier Fred Derry (Dana Andrews), naval petty officer Homer Parrish (Harold Russel), and platoon sergeant Al Stephenson (Fredric March). Before their respective military service, Fred was a soda jerk who married Marie (Virginia Mayo) shortly before shipping out. Al was a banker living with his wife Millie (Myrna Loy), adult daughter Peggy (Teresa Wright) and teen-aged son Rob. Homer was a star high school athlete living with his parents and sister, next door to his girlfriend, Wilma (Cathy O'Donnell). Homer lost both hands during the war and returns with mechanical hook prostheses.

Each man faces challenges integrating back into post-war society. Homer deals with the adjustments he and his family and Wilma face in light of his disability. Al's penchant for alcohol and the adjustments of returning to the banking business cause tension with his family and business associates. Fred, who experiences flashbacks of his bombing raids, becomes frustrated with the wife he barely knows and an employer who fails to appreciate him, and who eventually fires him when Fred punches a man in defense of Homer. Fred and Peggy become attracted to each other which puts the married Fred and Al at odds. Fred eventually leaves his cheating wife, and with no seeming future in Boone City, he decides to catch the next plane out. At the airport, Fred visits an aircraft boneyard and has another flashback. He is roused by a work crew boss who agrees to hire Fred to help disassemble the war planes for prefabricated housing material. Now divorced, Fred serves as best man at the wedding of Homer and Wilma, where he sees Peggy and they reunite.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have watched this film 4 times in the last 6 weeks because I kept meaning to do the review and then something happened. I had a move out of state, my dad was sick, I got a sudden group of students...it has been interesting. It has allowed my to really digest what this film is all about. A couple things that surprised me are how the women play all the tough characters, which was very abnormal for the time. Fred plays second fiddle to a cheating wife. Al tries to get his family to go out on the town. Homer doesn't want to talk about what is bothering him while Wilma shows undying love and loyalty. All of the men's roles basically described how Old Hollywood expected women to act at the time.

Let's go into depth with the characters a little more. Fred is having some kind of PTSD issue caused by seeing a man burned in a bomber. He apparently saved a bunch of men, but his memories still haunt him. He married a gold digger that loves a man in uniform before he left and she turns out to be a dud. He falls for Peggy Stevenson, daughter of one of the men he met on the plane home. He moves in too early and gets told off by her dad but his garbage wife divorces him and he goes back for Peggy. A lot of men got married right before leaving and returned to a wife they didn't really know. This was a real and present danger at the time this film came out and it was brave of them to address it so head on.

Al was the big man around the house and made all of the money for the family and his wife and children basically served him before the war. Al went off and became a sergeant so he became used to people doing what he said. He returned to a family that had learned to get by without him and had their own life so he is at a loss of what his place is in the family so he just gets drunk to cover up the awkwardness. His wife, Millie, and his daughter, Peggy, have angelic patience with the unsure man of the family and help him find his place again. This aspect of the movie was more about the strong women of the family although Fredric March was the one who received an Oscar for his performance.

Homer is the character I think most people remember about this movie because he was missing his hands. He was afraid to see his girlfriend and family because of the hooks that replaced his hands might be frightening. It did take some getting used to, but his girl seemed to love him just the same. Homer seemed to think that she would not like him anymore because he couldn't do all of things he could before. He had a little difficulty with tone because he would go from demanding independence one minute to wallowing in self pity the next. What is so good about the film and the character is that injured veterans tend to go through the stages of grief over the loss of a limb or motor function of a limb. It is likely that he would be all over the spectrum emotionally.

There were quite a few racial slurs about the Japanese people because there were very hard feelings for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, especially from the Navy and Air Force. It is a little hard to listen to today, but it does convey they American sentiment of the time. It also makes sense that you really have to hate somebody to want to fight and kill them, so I understand why all of the these characters would feel that way about people from that country.

Some of the scenes were a little uncomfortable to watch because awkward feelings about returning home and fitting back in with their families and society is not a comfortable subject. Al was especially hard for me to watch because he tried to hide his feelings with copious amounts of drinking. His first night back when he hit on his wife thinking she was somebody else and when he made a speech at his company's "welcome home" party both stand out as especially cringy.

So does this film belong on the AFI top 100? Of course it does. It is multi award winning and gives the viewer a feel for that moment in time right after WW2 when all the military people were coming home. Would I recommend it? Yes. It is one of the few movies of the time period that weren't touting America's superiority and instead focused on the toll that going to war took on the people who fought and those waiting back home. It is quite a long film with some cringy moments, but it is well worth it and very memorable.

[andrew-minyards-bitch]

Reasons why I can accept Andrew and Neil never saying the words “i love you”

Obviously I don’t love the thought of them never saying it once to each other but I find it to be quite acceptable considering their past

So here’s a little character analyzation:

Andrew has probably never been told “I love you” in his early childhood

No one in his life stayed, no one cared enough to keep him for a longer period of time, no one wanted to get their hands on a problem child or build a stable relationship, so he had never received verbal affection much less physical

He’s heard the phrases of “I love..” but it was never about him as a whole, as a person

The phrase was always followed by a part of his body

“I love you(r)...” brings back memories of being trapped in a corner, not being able to defend himself

He saw glimpses of “I love you’s” said in movies but none of the people who received this affectionate saying had been hurt, tear downed, demolished

Not understanding why he was often covered in scars and bruises after hearing these three words his young mind had grown to be wary of it

That was until Cass came along and made the decision to foster him in her house

In the first month of living in her house he has heard strings of “I love you’s” and never once has he been hurt by the words

The verbal showcase were often followed by the smell of chocolate cookies and Cass gently placing them on his hands and blowing soft air when he cries out that it’s too hot

In the short span of the first month he had learned to lower his guard down, after all what was Cass doing but giving him all of her love

This aura of security however did not last, it was wrongly stricken down by Cass’ real son

Night after night he’ll hear the same “I love you(r)..” and the result of these nights were the same when he was living with that old man

In the mornings however he’d hear the same thing, “I love you’s” from Cass’ mouth were the only thing grounding him to comfort

So he got a knife and did his best to not disappoint Cass, to not be a failure, like everyone he had come in contact with told him he was, to be silent and obedient, to follow the ever changing rules of the houses that he’s been in

But all of them had one thing in common, the price of their hostility always had to be repaid

Too many months passed before “I love you’s” were tarnished in his mind

The pain that it brought was not worth the expenses that came with it

No matter how many times Cass says it, it didn’t stop the things that happened at night

Then comes a day when Cass uttered those words to him and he finally saw it in it’s true form...poison

It was toxicated to want to be loved, to feel as though there was at least one person in the world who will give up their humanity just to shelter you, and that was what Cass was to him

He saw her eyes wandered to his wrist but then quickly avert to the cookies before handing it over to him

That was when his brain subconsciously made the decision that Cass had known all along but did nothing to withdraw his pain, to barricade him from the events that take place at night

He didn’t want to admit to himself that Cass used those words to emotionally manipulate him, to hold a triumph card over his head

For Neil however, there was limited time to be having a conversation with his mother while they were on the run

His father was not one for affection and was too busy butchering people

Neil remembered seeing this attractive girl while he was on the run

He also recalled straying off track to talk to said girl and how his mom had beaten him up right after

Love was something he couldn’t experience as a runaway, he didn’t live the life of a normal teenager

Never getting the opportunity of settling down in one place and getting to know the people there

“Relationships were a dangerous thing,” his mom would always say

Neil thought back to the time his mother had compared him to a wild animal

“A wild fox is what you need to be to survive these circumstances. Do not be tamed by human longing, to tie yourself to desires is the quickest way to damage your future.”

Neil would always crack a smile, thinking about this certain memory

His mother was right from the very beginning, he was indeed a fox but what the majority of human population decide to forget was that foxes lived in packs, in families and Neil had found his family

Neil was aware of the common beliefs of foxes being thieves, tricksters, manipulators, solitary

And Neil was all this and what’s more was the simple fact that he was a human

Even after breaking apart from these mindsets Neil still wasn’t comfortable saying “I love you”

After learning about Andrew’s past it was an agreement that they wouldn’t bring up former words that had hurt them

Besides Neil and Andrew had more efficient way of showing their love

The constant questions of “yes or no?”, Neil buying chocolates and ice cream for Andrew in the middle of the night, setting boundaries that the other respect and follow, giving space when needed, and all other countless small things they do for each other :)

[dangerousanddisquieting]

Neil finding religion post-The King’s Men

This is probably the most self-indulgent headcanon I’ve ever posted (and that’s saying something.) tl;dr Neil finds religion after The King’s Men and converts to Judaism. Details under the cut (This is a part 1, part 2 is Andrew converting after exposure through Neil)

Once he gets settled when all the events of TKM are over, Neil realizes how much about the world he doesn’t know as a result of growing up constantly moving and pretty constrained to his mother’s worldview

One of those things is religion

He knows how much religion means to Renee (and Nicky who has reclaimed his religion to a degree) so he starts to do research to better connect with and understand them

He’s also looking into religion a bit for himself. In my head it’s a mix of a constant nagging in the back of his head that’s been around since he was a child that he never had time or security to explore and Stewart coming in moments before Nathan killed Neil. The chances of that are so low, Neil sometimes sits awake with a feeling deep in his heart that he was saved by the love of a higher power giving him a second chance

but when he’s researching our sweet boy has a big misunderstanding

he learns the general beliefs but also the mitzvot and thinks they are followed by all Christians

Nicky eats shrimp one day and Neil gives him a weird look

“What’s up Neil? Thinking up a dick joke?”

Neil explains that he thought Christians couldn’t eat shellfish 

Nicky laughs a little and says “no, that’s a Jewish thing actually” and moves on

But Neil just... keeps thinking about that

He goes to a church service with Renee and likes it more than he thought he would but when she asks if he wants to come back again he politely declines, it didn’t really resonate with him

He ends up Googling “what do Jewish people believe” one night before bed and he’s up all night

He tells Andrew he’s looking at Exy but he’s just so enamored with this belief system

The mix of history and philosophy and spirituality,, the emphasis on making this world better for the sake of others and not for some divine reward after you’re dead,, the love of questioning and “wrestling with G-d,,” the oneness of G-d and His connection with each and every one of His people,,,,,

It fits so beautifully in Neil’s heart he can’t stop thinking about it for weeks

He hates that this is bugging him and distracting him during practice so he gets in touch with the campus Rabbi who asks to meet with him

Neil sits down with her and ends up having the most soul-bearing conversation he’s ever had with a non-Fox

He tears up a little but he would never admit it

She invites Neil to a service and he goes but when he puts on a yarmulke he has a panic attack and has to decompress and wait for the later service

The concept of a “man” above him watching him sets him off but he goes back without a kippa because he wants to see this through

Neil doesn’t know a word of Hebrew but finds himself swaying and humming along

He’s so confused (people are bowing? what do I say and what do I not say?) but he’s in the back so he’s not too self conscious

The boy next to him notices and slides him his siddur when he can tell Neil has lost the page

He follows along well enough and when the Rabbi asks him about it after he gets more excited and animated than he’s been in a while

The boy who was next to him joins the schmooze and Neil walks away with a beautiful warmth and feeling of community in his heart and emails the Rabbi the next day and says he wants to keep going

It’s the first time he’s felt like he’s belonged anywhere since he’s joined the Foxes

Similar feeling of community and unity but very different at the same time (he does secretly appreciate the fact that he found this community without violence or mafia ties though)

He doesn’t make a big announcement about it to the Foxes, it just naturally comes up little by little (esp once he has to miss practice for holiday observance)

They’re all super supportive and do research on their own to be sure they respect his beliefs

Nicky is very happy, but Renee is ECSTATIC

At first teaches Neil what she knows about general theology but doesn’t get into any sort of specifics so she doesn’t accidentally push Christian beliefs on him

Aside from that they don’t talk about it for a bit until Neil starts to learn more in-depth about Jewish theology and history

As he learns more, he and Renee start debating, little by little getting more heated as Neil builds his knowledge

It’s the most passionate the Foxes have ever seen Renee

At first the Foxes think that Neil and Renee hate each other now and they all dread having another inter-team rivalry

But nope!! Neil’s religion ends up as a way to connect to Renee and they start spending more time together off the court

Debating helps both of them find out more about their own beliefs and to be honest, it’s just something they both think is fun (neither of them are afraid to set boundaries if stuff goes too far though)

Wymack starts researching Judaism as soon as he finds out and works with Neil privately to make sure he wouldn’t miss anything on holidays when Neil won’t be at practice

“If you show up on my court because you feel like you ‘need to’ even though you would rather practice your literal RELIGION I will kick you off this team. I will sue myself before Rabbi Hannah can do it for me”

(He talks to the Rabbi about Neil at first but they end up being friends (: )

Wymack wrote all the holidays down on the calendar in his office and Neil is so touched by it

One of Neil’s favorite moments in his journey was the first time he felt comfortable wearing a yarmulke to shul

It took him a long time to reach a place where he felt comfortable enough with HaShem to wear one but it was a beautiful feeling

Instead of remembering his father when he puts it on, he thinks of people like Wymack and Andrew who watch him out of unconditional love, welcome, and grace

He doesn’t do everything perfectly of course, but Neil loves having something in his life that lets him find beauty and meaning in the world and the people in it

[tomhiddlestonfanfic]

A Step Too Far? Chapter Nine A Moon of My Own

Ch. 1 - Ch. 2 - Ch. 3 - Ch. 4 - Ch. 5 - Ch. 6 - Ch. 7 - Ch. 8 - Ch. 9 - Ch. 10 - Ch. 11

TITLE: A Step Too Far? NUMBER OF CHAPTERS/ONE SHOT: 9/? WHICH TOM CHARACTER: Stepfather Tom OTHER CHARACTERS: Benedict Cumberbatch, Andrew Scott PAIRING: Tom/OFC, Benedict Cumberbatch/OFC GENRE: Drama, Hurt/Comfort WARNINGS: Spanking, Infidelity, Sex

CHAPTER NINE A Moon of My Own

Nina spent the weekend at home, bonding with baby William. She sang swedish songs to him and found that Tom was listening intently, trying to understand the lyrics. She ended up translating for him and teaching him swedish nursery rhymes and pop songs.

"I want a moon of my own, that I can go to, and forget that you left me. I can sit on my moon, and do whatever I want, I'll stay there until everything's alright," Nina translated one of her mother's favourite songs for Tom.

"Thank you for translating," Tom told her with a warm smile.

"No problem," Nina replied and continued to sing for her baby brother. "Jag är fattig bonddräng men jag lever ändå…"

"What was that song about?" Tom asked curiously from the sofa where he was laying down and watching her interactions with the baby.

"It's about a poor farmer boy who works hard everyday," Nina explained. "He gets drunk on Saturdays, gets into fights and sleeps with women. On Sundays he sleeps instead of going to church. Then the work week begins again. Eventually he dies and stands before God, regretful of his sins. But God forgives him and welcomes him into heaven."

"Is that really a children's song?" Tom questioned amusedly.

"The farm boy sings it in 'Emil i Lönneberga', so it’s sort of a children's song, I guess. Or maybe it's meant for the grown ups watching with their children," Nina replied. "It's written by Astrid Lindgren, so it’s for everyone."

"I see. I appreciate the existential theme," Tom told her.

"Me too," Nina agreed and smiled at him. She realised that she enjoyed spending time in his company. Things had become different between them ever since they started working together. She felt like she knew him a bit better now, and ever since he became a father, she had seen a more sensitive side of him. He had expressed his worry for her in more tactful ways and they hadn't been arguing as much as they used to do.

“You’ve spent most weekends at home lately, is something up?” Nina’s mother asked her during dinner.

“I’ve just been tired from work, so I haven’t really felt like doing anything on the weekends,” Nina replied with a shrug.

“Perhaps you should work fewer hours if work is making you so tired,” Helena suggested, looking a bit concerned as she gently caressed her daughter’s cheek. “She could do that, right Tom?”

“I’ve already offered that,” Tom replied, also assuming a look of concern as he looked at Nina. “The offer still stands.”

“No thanks, I’m good,” Nina insisted.

“But you don’t seem to have any energy left for your friends,” Helena objected.

“Isn’t that what life is like as a grown up? All work, no play, and then you die?” Nina questioned gloomily.

“Nina, are you getting depressed again? Are you taking your medications?” Helena asked concernedly.

Nina sighed heavily in response. “I can’t recall ever becoming undepressed,” she muttered and got up from the dinner table, grabbing her plate and glass. “Thanks for the food.”

“You’re welcome,” Tom replied as she left the dining room.

Nina threw away the rest of the food and placed the dishes in the dishwasher before heading to the fridge, grabbing another one of her precious energy drinks. At least they presented her with some joy in her quite lonely life. She would occassionally call Jim over for sex, but other than that, she spent most of her time alone. Nina’s loneliness had been a source of concern for her mother for many years. It had even gotten to the point that Nina sometimes went out for hour long walks, telling her mother that she was seeing a friend. She had done that a lot during the summer, taking a book with her to sit and read by the sea. Her favourite book was one that Tom had gifted her for her nineteenth birthday. It was called The Stranger and was about the absurdity of life and the feeling of alienation. Nina felt alienated a lot of the time, as though she did not belong anywhere in this world.

During the evening, Tom came by her room to check on her.

“Can I come in?” he requested and Nina nodded at him as she sat up in her bed, putting her laptop aside. “We worry about you.”

“There’s nothing to worry about,” Nina told him, pulling her knees up to her chest, hugging them.

“You seem... lonely,” Tom said carefully.

“I need to be alone a lot,” Nina told him. “Being around people takes a lot of energy.”

“Then maybe you should work shorter hours, so you have energy to do fun things with friends and not only work,” Tom suggested. Nina snorted in response.

“What friends?” she asked.

“How about the one you spent a lot of time with this summer? Viktoria?” Tom said.

“Viktoria is not real,” Nina admitted.

“What?” Tom asked confusedly.

“I made her up so mom wouldn’t worry so much about me being alone,” she explained.

“But you were away for hours at a time, sometimes all day and sometimes all night,” Tom said frowningly.

“Yeah, it was kind of fun actually, how you never figured it out when you never got to meet her,” Nina told him with a sad smile. “It’s kind of pathetic, isn’t it? Making up imaginary friends when you’re twenty? And still living with your mother because you’re too afraid of what you would do to yourself if you had to live alone?” she confided in him.

“It’s not pathetic,” Tom said earnestly and put an arm around her shoulders. “I had no idea you were feeling that way. I thought you lived with your mom because you were comfortable that way, not because you were afraid to live alone.”

“Please don’t tell mom about this. I’ve told her that Viktoria moved to Stockholm, so please don’t tell her that she never even existed. She was so happy when she thought I had a best friend,” Nina pleaded.

“I won’t tell her. But I think you need to see someone about this. Didn’t you have a psychologist?” Tom asked.

“It didn’t work out between us, so I stopped going,” Nina reminded him.

“Right,” Tom remembered. “How about finding you a new one. I’ll be more than happy to pay for it.”

“You don’t have to pay for it,” Nina told him. “You gave me a job, remember? I can pay for therapy myself now. Especially as I’m living here for free.”

“I want you to save your money for the future or use them to have fun. I’m paying for your therapy,” Tom insisted.

“I never even agreed that I would go see a therapist,” Nina said.

“Please, see a therapist. It would give your mother and I some peace of mind to know that you have someone to talk to about those things,” Tom pleaded.

“I'll think about it,” Nina told him.

“Thank you,” Tom said with an appreciative smile.

The weekend passed and it was soon Monday again. Nina looked up to see Benedict standing by her desk. He didn’t look pleased. He was probably still upset by the fact that she had spied on him and his family.

“I would like to have a word with you in my office, miss Andersson,” he requested calmly, seemingly holding back on his anger. Nina looked up at him defiantly.

“How about no?” she told him irritably. She didn’t want to be alone with him, because she would probably end up almost having sex with him.

“No?” he questioned incredulously and leaned down over the desk, so that their faces were just decimetres away from each other. She could feel the smell of his cologne and felt an involuntary thrill of excitement run through her body as she looked him in his darkened eyes. “My office now,” he told her firmly in a low voice.

“Fine,” Nina finally agreed, afraid that Benedict would make a scene otherwise. He looked like he could barely contain his anger. She glanced over her shoulder at her colleagues as she followed him to his office. They all seemed busy doing their jobs, not taking notice of what was going on between her and Benedict. She felt relieved. It would be embarrassing if they thought she made major work related mistakes that would have one of her bosses get angry with her. While she had made a major mistake, at least it was not work related.

Benedict shut the curtain and locked the door, just like he had done preceding week. Nina swallowed nervously. Was he going to beat her again? She knew she would agree to it, even if she wished she would have had the integrity and self-respect to tell him no.

"What the hell were you thinking sneaking around my house?" he demanded angrily. "What if Sophie had seen you?"

"Then you would probably be able to come up with a good lie to explain my presence. Because it comes naturally to you, doesn't it? Lying," Nina told him bitterly.

"I hate lying to my wife," Benedict told her. "I already told you that."

"Then don't give yourself any reasons to lie," she replied.

He approached her angrily and Nina found herself slapping him hard across the face. He looked at her in astonishment for a brief moment, then grabbed her by the arm dragging her with him towards the desk. Nina felt herself grow moist between the legs and a tingling sensation in her lower abdomen as he bent her over the desk. She shut her eyes tightly as he pressed her face down against the desk surface and she bit her lip hard as she braced herself for the pain to come. Benedict slapped her bottom hard with his hand several times, before undoing his belt. This time, he waited between the lashes for Nina to recover before landing the next one across her buttocks. Nina whimpered slightly as she neared her limit and he stopped hitting her with the belt. He roughly grabbed her ass, squeezing it with his hands before rolling up her tight pencil skirt over her hips. Nina gasped as he unexpectedly ripped her tights open in the groin and put his hand between her thighs.

“You naughty girl,” he told her as he felt how wet she was. He touched her, moved the thong to the side and entered her with two fingers at a time. He fingerfucked her until he felt her convulse around him, she was shuddering with pleasure and panting heavily. “Did you come?” he asked smirkingly as she stood up and turned around towards him. She put her arms around his neck and brought him into a kiss. They made out and she began to feel horny again. She touched his erect penis through his trousers and stroked it eagerly.

“Fuck me,” she whispered lustfully into his ear. She didn’t need to ask twice. Benedict lifted her up on the desk, undid his black trousers and released his erect penis. Nina smiled satisfiedly at the sight of it before it entered her. “Fuck me hard,” she requested, and he did. She had to bite her lip hard to suppress a loud moan as he fucked her quickly. She orgasmed again and he pulled out of her.

“On your knees,” he ordered, his voice demanding and his eyes darkened with lust. Nina fell to her knees before him and viciously smiled up at him. “Open your mouth,” he said and she quickly obeyed. She felt like a porn star as he ejaculated into her mouth. “Swallow,” Benedict said, but she grimaced in disgust and shook her head at him as she got up to spit out his cum into his coffee cup.

“Oh, you naughty girl,” Benedict commented with a grin as he watched her trying to make herself look presentable.

“How’s my makeup?” she asked him and he looked at her closely before running his thumbs underneath her eyes, wiping away some mascara.

“Did you cry?” he asked her surprisedly as he continued to gently wipe mascara from her cheeks.

“A little bit,” Nina admitted with a shrug and managed to smile at him. The guilt had overwhelmed her the moment she orgasmed for the second time.

“Your makeup probably needs some touch ups, but it looks fine,” Benedict told her as he pulled out his wallet from his pocket. He took out a thousand krona bill and handed it to her. “For a morning-after pill,” he explained as she looked at him confusedly. “I think I might have come a little bit inside of you.”

“You’re making me feel like a cheap whore,” Nina muttered, but accepted the money. Benedict pulled out a couple of more bills from his wallet and tried giving them to her. “No thanks,” she told him and refused to take the money.

“Do you promise you will take a morning-after pill?” he asked her as she turned to leave.

“Of course, I don’t want a child with someone like you,” Nina told him irritably.

“Don’t forget to take the coffee cup with you,” Benedict reminded her with a smirk. Nina angrily went back towards his desk and grabbed the coffee cup, before stalking out of his office. What the hell had she just done?

Nina went into the kitchen and angrily threw the coffee cup into the trash. She then proceeded to kick the trash can until a familiar voice interrupted her.

“Did mister Cumberbatch yell at you again?” Stina asked concernedly.

“He did,” Nina replied, her eyes filling up with tears. Stina went up to her and hugged her.

“I’m sorry that he’s being such an ass to you,” Stina told her sympathetically. “If you want to talk about it, I’m all ears.”

“Thank you, Stina,” Nina told her appreciatively and tightened the hug. They stood like that for a long moment until another colleague entered the kitchen.

“Nina, what’s the company’s policy on workplace relationships?” Erik asked her provocatively. He must have somehow heard about their date.

“It’s fine, as long as you’re keeping it professional at work,” Nina told him as she stepped away from Stina.

“That didn’t look very professional to me,” Erik told her.

“It was just a hug, Erik,” Stina told him and smiled carefreely at him. “I can give you one too, if you like,” she offered cheerfully. “You look like you could use one.”

“No thanks,” Erik said with a grimace and hurriedly left the kitchen.

Nina and Stina shared amused looks before heading back to work.

Nina felt weighed down by guilt for what she had done, but somehow managed to get through the workday. Benedict cheerfully told her goodbye before heading homewards and she replied with an exaggeratedly gleeful ‘see you tomorrow!’ Her smile faded the moment he turned away from her and was replaced by a dark glare.

“What are you glaring at Ben for?” Andrew asked her curiously and she flinched. She hadn’t noticed him standing there a few metres away, watching her interaction with Benedict. “Did something happen?”

“He yelled at me,” Nina said and noticed Stina looking at them from a distance. She couldn’t exactly tell Andrew the truth, now could she? She felt like she wanted to come clean to someone about it, but didn’t know who.

“What for?” Andrew asked and Nina searched her mind for some error she could have made that would make Benedict yell at her.

“I misspelled his name in an important mail,” she lied. “I wrote Cucumberbatch and he found it humiliating.” She couldn’t help but smile at her own lie. Andrew returned her smile.

“I see,” he said amusedly. “I could talk to him about treating you more gently, if you like,” he offered, but Nina shook her head at him in response.

“I’m fine. Now that it’s over, I do find it kind of funny,” she assured him with a genuinely bright smile. She wanted so badly to believe her own lie. How great it would have been if only it had been true.

But it wasn’t true. On the way home, Tom put on her mother’s favourite song about wanting a moon of your own to go to and stay there until everything was alright again. Nina’s filled with tears as she thought about how she just wanted to escape somewhere far away from everything. She wanted a moon of her own to go to.

“Are you alright?” Tom asked her concernedly.

“Yes, I was just thinking about Ted,” Nina told him.

“Ted Gärdestad? Who sings the song?” Tom asked her.

“Yeah. I was thinking about how beautifully he sang and how sadly he died. He killed himself,” Nina told him sadly.

“That’s very tragic,” Tom replied seriously and threw her concerned looks for the rest of the car ride home.

“I’m going for a walk,” Nina informed her mother and Tom after taking a shower and getting dressed into a pair of jeans and a David Bowie t-shirt.

“But dinner is almost ready,” her mother objected.

“I’ll eat when I get back,” Nina assured her and put her shoes and jacket on. Tom took out the trash bags out of the kitchen bins and put on a pair of slippers, following her out.

“Nina,” he said as they reached the bins outside the house. She turned around to look at him. He had a concerned look on his face. “You’re not thinking about doing something rash, are you?” he asked her seriously. Nina frowned slightly and then remembered their conversation in the car earlier.

“I’m not thinking of killing myself, if that’s what you’re talking about,” she told him frankly.

“Good,” Tom replied with a brief smile. His blue eyes still conveyed concern. “Don’t be too long or we’ll get worried.”

“I’m twenty years old,” Nina reminded him. “Not a kid, I can look after myself.”

“I know. But I still want you to be careful and not stay out too long,” Tom insisted. “Remember that you have work tomorrow.”

“I know. See you in a bit,” Nina told him.

Nina just kept walking as she listened to music and tried not to think too much about what was weighing her down. Eventually, she sat down by a lake and looked at the full moon in the sky. Its light was mirrored by the water surface of the lake and she found it breathtakingly beautiful. She turned off the music on her phone and sang softly to herself where she sat on the rocks. She sang the song about the moon as tears rolled down her face. She imagined what Ted must have felt like during his last moments of life and was filled by death agony. She put her phone and headphones down on the rocks before standing up. She looked at the water surface and dived into the cold water with her clothes on. As she reached the surface, Nina gasped at how cold it was and swam back up to the rocks where she climbed up and grabbed her phone.

She was shuddering with cold as she walked back home in soaking wet clothes. As she got inside, Tom came to greet her in the hallway and looked at her in shock.

“What happened?” he asked frowningly.

“I fell,” Nina lied.

“Should I put your phone in a bag of rice?” he offered.

“The phone is fine,” Nina told him. Tom looked at her suspiciously.

“You didn’t fall, did you?” he asked frankly. Nina shrugged at him. “I asked you not to do anything rash.”

“It wasn’t rash, I spared my phone and headphones,” Nina objected.

“Your lips are blue. Come, let’s go down to the basement so your mother doesn’t see you like this,” Tom told her, putting a gentle arm around her shoulder as he walked her down to the basement. “Clothes off and step in the shower, I’ll get you some dry clothes,” he instructed and respectfully turned away as Nina immodestly began to take her clothes off in front of him. She wasn’t trying to seduce him or anything, she was just too cold to care if he saw her naked body.

Nina took a hot shower and smiled sadly to herself as she found a towel and clothes laid out for her. Tom was always being so nice and gentle towards her. For once she felt grateful that he was a little bit boring and not more like Benedict. She realised that she would never be able to live with the guilt if she managed to get Tom to be unfaithful to her mother. She got dressed and went upstairs to find Tom on the sofa in the living room. She walked up to him and smiled.

“Thank you for being so boring,” she told him, causing him to laugh surprisedly.

“I don’t think I’m that boring,” he objected as she sat down in the armchair next to the sofa.

“You’re just the right amount of boring,” Nina said. “I mean it as a compliment.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Tom told her amusedly. “You seem a bit happier now.”

“I am,” Nina told him with a smile.