#why did this movie attract such an unpleasant fandom

[ohheyitsokay]

just us

Pairing: Jack Daniels (Agent Whiskey) x (f) reader

Wordcount: 1.9k

Warnings: discussion of not wanting children, brief mention of trauma (the accident), brief mentions of sex, generally sweet and cozy

Summary: Jack and you both grow into what you want (and don’t want?) for the future

Notes: Okay so this WILL NOT be everyone’s cup of tea - that’s fine. There’s enough breeding kink in this fandom for everyone else, I just wanted to explore... not wanting kids, definitively, and one way that journey could look. Obviously, this is an incredibly personal topic, and there’s no way this one snapshot could possibly be perfect, so please just keep that in mind!

>>

Years ago, you met Jack volunteering with low-income students after school. Your friend, who was running the program, roped you in, and you were glad to have other helpers.

He was surprisingly good with the kids. They loved his accent and his hat and the silly expressions he made. Still, in-between his ridiculous stories, he always pushed them to do their best and was persistent in pursuing their success. Unlike some of the other volunteers, he didn’t seem to have any agenda and his selflessness was contagious, and you told him so. The bus had just left, and you finally had the chance to talk to him- you couldn’t help but be honest.

He shrugged his broad shoulders, watching the kids wave through the windows, even down the road.

“I just want them to get their chance to succeed, ya know?”

You did. Gently, you reached up and squeezed his shoulder, and his brown eyes met yours for the first time.

“Thank you,” you said before leaving to go clean up. You hoped he could hear the sincerity in your voice.

The next time you volunteered at the same time, he stayed back to help you clean. He was silent at first, but then he began to talk to you, asking real questions and giving you real answers.

The friendship grew fast, one of the ones where you could feel in your bones how close you’d be. You moved from laughing with the kids as you gave him the tiniest portion of snack, to him driving you home sometimes.

And for the first few years, the two of you really were the best of friends. Lemonade and long drives together became game nights and movies with groups. You’d help him text when he got too flustered, he reminded you that all men were giant boys sometimes. He told you about his past, about the accident and wanting to heal from that, and what he was working on. You shared the skeletons in your closet, you fears and hopes and dreams. You became each other’s constant, as you grew, always cheering the other one on and sharing just the right words at the right time.

Then, after a long, terrible day, he drove over to your house with pure, kind-hearted intentions and ended up kissing you.

-

“The rest, as they say, is history,” you finished.

Jack’s boss was grinning, along with his wife.

“How adorable!” she cooed, squeezing her husband’s hand.

You and Jack had been together for years now, and recently moved to a small town so he could be closer to his mama. This branch of the statesman was a lot more casual, so you were over at their house with some other couples, barbequing in the backyard. In many ways, you loved the little southern community but it was times like these that you felt like you were pulling teeth.

Jack was so high-profile, and bless his heart, he loved to show you off. It was sweet that his boss let him off early sometimes and the local florist knew your date night, but honestly, people in this town were so invested in your relationship it gave you anxiety. Everyone wanted to hear your story, to be in the know, worst of all: ask about it. So it was unpleasant, but not a surprise when the lady continued, asking, “So how many kids are the two of you going to have?”

Her eyes glimmered with expectation, completely unaware at how you were fighting not to grimace at her intrusion.

Jack looked at you, his hand instinctively finding yours. His thumb rubbed your skin softly, as if he was trying to press his support into you. It worked, in it’s own way, and you collected yourself, smiling because you knew she meant well, and because you had practiced.

When you were younger, if and when it came up, you hadn’t been attracted to the idea of children like some others were. You had thought, or maybe trained yourself to say, maybe someday, but not right now. Because for most people, that was enough. You knew logically, that some did change their minds or grow into it. Sometimes you had hoped that would be you.

Now, you didn’t even offer that, just making a joke and guiding the conversation in a different direction. You played your part well, continuing to chat as you ate, being as delightful and adorable as you always were.

Jack knew, of course he did. After that very first night, when he had kissed you, you had been honest with him. motherhood was not your purpose, passion, or dream. He loved you then, and he loved you now, you reminded yourself. He had loved you through the time you’d talked about it again, when he told you that you were his soulmate. Still, before, you had always left it on the table. Maybe someday, in the future.

He watched you closely, watched your eyes when you laughed at the questions, felt you hand in his when you were in the spotlight.

Jack adored you with every fiber of his being. He loved waking up with you in his arms, and falling asleep to the rhythm of your heart. He liked the way your eyes met his and spoke volumes, and how you knew what he was going to say and let him say it anyway. Sometimes he thought he would stop time itself if it would keep you from being hurt.

So now, he shifted closer and closer to you, invading your space until he could share his warmth with you. Your hands left each others so he could wrap his arm around you, and he tried his best to use himself to make a little safe haven for you. He would do anything to create a bubble so you could breathe.

Your eyes found his, and you leaned into his warmth. No words were offered but he knew he had done a good job when he could feel some tension slide off your shoulders.

Still, over the next few days, the conversation haunted you. It felt like a pin, pricking your mind and heart in quiet moments. You ignored it, what else could you do? It was a familiar feeling, and you knew sooner or later, it would go away. After all this time, hadn’t you made your peace with it?

It was almost completely gone, one night, as you lay with Jack, skin to skin under the sheets. He’d be silent for awhile, in what you could only assume was one of his rare, post-sex dazes. He murmured again and again how much he loved you before it faded off and he had settled for holding you close.

“Sweetheart?” he said suddenly, pulling your attention back to him.

“Yeah, Jack?”

“One of our friends from home is pregnant, I forgot to tell you she called yesterday.”

You felt liked the world was spinning. Why was be bring this up right now?

Somewhere far away, you heard yourself make a happy noise and say that was exciting for them.

Your lover’s warm arm pulled you closer, back onto his chest.

“That’s gonna be one helluva cute baby,” he added. You agreed, but had no idea what to do or say.

Was he trying to tell you he was thinking about kids? About babies?! You were full on panicking now.

Had this, plus the questions from before finally pushed him to reconsider? 

“I’ve… darlin’, I’ve been thinking a lot about kids lately,” he whispered into your hair. There was something about his tone you didn’t recognize. You were tense, unable to move away, respond, be normal at all. Of course, he noticed.

Jack half sat up, moving you so he could face you, his arms still holding onto you with purpose.

“Wait- shoot, dang it, I should’ve said that differently,” his eyes were boring into yours. The whole time you’d known him, you hadn’t been able to look away from him when he was baring his heart for you like this. This was Jack. He has never, would never hurt you. You trusted him with your whole life.

Several deep breathes and a quick kiss allowed your heart to calm, and you eyes told him it was okay for him to go on.

“I have been, sweetheart, but not like… that, I – well, I,” he seemed to be struggling, the tiny lines between his eyebrows deepening. You waited, hands finding his skin and mimicking the comforting movements he always did on you. All the while you were reminding yourself that listening to him would always be better than interrupting or assuming.

“I just wanted to tell you, the longer we’re together, how much I like it,” he said, finally, words rushing out of him, “How the more I think about it, how much I sort of want it to just stay like that.”

Your heart was racing now for a whole new reason.

“When I think about other people’s kids, they’re cute but… I don’t need one,” he said, and you noticed the more he talked, the more he relaxed, too. “You could be a fantastic mother, I know you could, if you ever want that,” he added, and you smiled, shaking your head just slightly.

“I guess I’m just selfish, love,” he finally seemed to conclude, having pushed and been fully vulnerable with you. He sank down next to you again, saying, “I want you all to myself. I want to take you on adventures and change the world with you and just have you be all mine, all the time.”

You still couldn’t speak. The world wasn’t spinning anymore but it might as well have been upside down. All your fears - that he was hoping you’d just change your mind, that you were holding him back – were wrong. On his own terms, in his own way, and in his own heart Jack Daniels had flipped to the same page as you.

Never in your life had you expected this, even considered this a possible outcome. It was almost too good to be true.

You had to ask, just one more thing.

“Jack, what about…” you swallowed, clinging to him. “What about… before?” You didn’t need to explain. What about her, and his son? Before the accident? What about the time you’d met, and he was pouring into the futures of children?

Jack was still for one heartbeat, two, and three. Then his hand moved from your waist to touch your cheek, his large palm enveloping it. You hadn’t realized there was a tear until he brushed it away with his thumb. There was tenderness in his eyes as he held you.

“Just us,” he whispered, before kissing you, “that’s all I need.” His eyes were honest, and for the first time in your life, you felt fully seen. 

“Just us,” you said back, as vulnerable as he was.

The two of you held each other then, basking in the moment of pure, raw love. You allowed yourself to sink fully into the mattress, pressing together like you were just falling for each other for the first time. In some ways, you were. Everyone has a different story, and you two had just written another chapter in yours. Jack laughed then, a beautiful, free, almost giddy sound.

Relief had sunk into your bones, the two of you finding something in each other that you’d never had before. The feeling you’d had when you first met - the one that sunk into your bones - promising you two would be close, came into your mind. You considered it, realizing it was more than right, knowing you both before you even knew yourselves.

Jack kissed your hairline, still letting out small burst of quiet laughter. His voice was filled with joy as he asked, “Can we get a dog, though?” and you laughed too.

“Yeah,” you said, and he was kissing you, smile almost too big.

<<

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@fangirl-316 @scribbledghost @0celestialbitch0

[randomfandomimagine]

Love Spell (Jaskier x Nissa)

Characters: Jaskier, Nissa (OC), Geralt

Fandom: The Witcher

Series: Soul of a Warrior

Tags: Original character, hardcore fluff, mild angst, sorcery

Warnings: None

Word Count: 4k words

Summary: While Geralt goes on a witcher job, Jaskier and Nissa wander around the woods. When they stumble upon a strong magic, it comes to Jaskier to help Nissa overcome the spells that falls upon her.

A/N: I wanted to give this a try, so here’s a Jasnissa ficlet because I love these two nerds. This is set after Soul of a Warrior, but has no spoilers, just a few references. I might write more stuff like this if you enjoy it, and maybe even take OCs requests if anyone’s interested :)

Written in Jaskier’s POV!

_

Oh, the way the sunlight falls on her, shining down on her silky raven hair, stealing the light off her emerald green eyes. Oh, the way her smile brings more life to the world than the sun above us itself. I should put this in a song. What rhymes with perfection?

“You’re staring again, stupid bard” Nissa tells me, despite the delighted grin in her enticing pink lips. 

Something about her disarms me at this very moment. Perhaps it is the resigned fondness and adoration in her eyes, or the way she tilts her head and smirks in smugness at the smitten manner in which I admire her. 

“How could I not?” I sigh, grinning when she laughs at my dramatic tone. “You have enchanted me, you cruel goddess” 

Nissa’s hand tugs at mine. Her gaze falls on the ground, and there is that flush on her cheeks, the one that makes her seem ever so beautiful. More so than usual, that is.

“That’s your punishment” She glances up at me, wrinkling her nose. “For being so insufferable” 

I am tempted to retaliate, though I only admit defeat and drop my head in resignation. Her eyes linger on me in expectation. 

“Well… love will do that to you” I blurt out, and the sound I was waiting for follows: her genuine guffaw of laughter. It makes my heart sing. I can overcome anything as long as she is happy.

Still laughing, Nissa stops on her tracks and throws her arms around my neck. I wasn’t expecting that part, but I am certainly not complaining. My hands immediately move to the small of her back to keep her close. We move to kiss, though something in the distance gathers my attention. Our lips are already grazing, though Nissa looks over her shoulder to whatever has caught my eye behind her.

“What is that?” I utter in fascination. Before us is an empty yet untouched building.

“A temple? It seems abandoned” She retrieves my hand before heading there. Our fingers play with each other as we advance together and soon reach it.

The temple, made of faded white stone, stands in ruins. Despite it all, there are no weeds clinging to its structure, no flora whatsoever. An eerie atmosphere surrounds the building, settling an unpleasant feeling in my gut. However, I am not worried as long as Nissa is by my side. 

Our footsteps echo across the temple as soon as we trespass the big arch at the threshold. The inside is incredibly spacious and the distant sound of water dripping somewhere fills the silence that we dare not break as we continue on our way, tightly holding the other’s hand. I can hear Nissa breathing next to me, trying not to let it show how restless she is. Nonetheless, I know her too well and merely taking a look at her expression I can tell how she’s feeling.

“Who goes there?” A voice erupts from nowhere, bouncing against the walls of the temple. I nearly jump out of my skin at the sound, and so I press my side against Nissa’s.

We turn to the noise, finding that a figure stands there in the distance, behind a white marble table that delimits the end of the long corridor we are on. She is a woman with long brown hair and piercing black eyes that lurk into my soul, like a black hole that threatens to swallow us whole if we get too close or stare too long. Her skin is white and smooth like porcelain, and I find myself attracted to her in a way I can’t explain. It is definitely not the way I am attracted to Nissa, this is quite like looking at an eclipse: I can’t stop staring yet fear something bad will happen if I linger. Something in her makes me shiver. Perhaps it is the fact that she reminds me of someone else. My free hand instinctively moves to protect my jewels.

“You dare break into my home?” The sorceress says, and eyes us with disinterest and contempt. “Leave, before I kill both of you”

I open my mouth, unsure of what will come out. Perhaps it will be a defensive statement, or a complaint, or a nervous apology. Whatever the case, Nissa takes a step forward and bluntly retaliates against the mage’s nonchalant warning.

“We were doing nothing wrong” Nissa assures vehemently. “Don’t-”

“Shush!” The woman quiets her, and I can feel how Nissa seethess next to me. “One more step and you will drop dead”

“Are you threatening us?” I gasp when Nissa steps before me and pulls out her dagger. “I won’t stand by and-!”

“Uh… Nissa, love?” I mutter, tugging at her hand pressed against mine. “I don’t think you should-“

“And you defy me” The smirk the sorceress dedicates us causes my stomach to churn in anticipation. Oh god, what is she going to do? We didn’t actually mean any harm!

“Alright, everyone calm down!” I exclaim, noticing how they watch each other. The energy is dangerous and electric and I fear what might happen next if I don’t intervene. “Nissa, we can just leave, can’t we? Yes, of course, we didn’t mean to break in. We didn’t know someone lived here”

Nissa stops, glowering at her while she slowly saves her weapon. The woman’s black eyes languidly fall over me. I gulp. I really genuinely don’t like mages. Her gaze is piercing me, seeing deeper, I can feel it. The imposing expression fades from her face, being replaced by a smirk.

“I see” She briefly glances at Nissa before staring at me once more. I don’t like it… I don’t like it at all. “Perhaps you will think twice before doing anything of the like again”

“I… Y-Yes, absolutely” I squeeze Nissa’s hand as I restlessly step back, hoping she will follow after me. “We will be more careful, that’s for certain. Isn’t that right, love?”

Nissa doesn’t reply, only lets her head fall forward. I could be hearing wrong, but I swear I heard a strangled noise escape her throat. I frown in concern, confused as to what she is doing just standing there. Why won’t she move?

“Thank you very much, we are on our way” I insist, tugging harder at her. Moving my gaze, I realize the sorceress’ smirk has widened. “Come on, Nissa, we… Oh, god!”

A movement out of the corner of my eye gathers my attention away from the mage. I move just in time to catch a falling Nissa. My breathing is suddenly erratic as she limply lies in my arms. I swear I am having several heart attacks at once as my mind races with reasons why she has suddenly faltered. Is she conscious? Is she ill? Can it be that she was frightened enough to faint? No, that doesn’t seem right. What has happened then?!

“I have dealt with enough people seeking power and fortune” The sorceress is unfazed as she watches us. “Fear not, bard, if she truly harbored no bad intentions nothing will happen”

I gape at her as the recognition slowly settles in. This is her doing, isn’t it? Shit. I hate mages.

My hands are shaking as I adjust my hold on Nissa. One arm firmly wraps around her frame as she rests against my torso. With my free hand, I nervously move the curtain of soft dark hair away from her face. Her emerald eyes are indeed closed. There are no signs that betray her unwell, instead she seems to sleep peacefully. She would look beautiful if it weren’t because I am still worried out of my mind that she might not wake up.

“W-What did you do to her?!” I exclaim, in my fervor causing Nissa’s head to tilt to the side. The weight and inertia causes her body to lean off as well, and she would fall were it not because of my grip on her. “Y-You, sorceress! Undo this right now! She was only trying to protect me, I-“

“Save it” She rolls her eyes, and I pay no more attention to her as I try to shake Nissa awake. She still doesn’t respond. The mage continues speaking. “You will find a way, now leave”

“A way to what?”

“Leave!!!” Despite her furious roar that echoes against the walls like a bad omen, I glare daggers at her. She did this to Nissa, whatever it is. No one should dare touch her, not my Nissa…

Alright, calm down, Jask, or you’ll make it worse for her. I clench my fists, ignoring the bubbling anger heating me up from the inside. I can’t retaliate, for Nissa’s sake. Enough harm has been done to her. Leaving is the only thing I can do.

Still gritting my teeth, I maneuver with Nissa’s limp body until she is scooped into my arms. I tenderly cradle her, lingering as I fear that abandoning this place will somehow mean her doom. Though I know not what to do, I decide to walk away. Who knows what this unstable sorceress might do if I disobey and stay. In any case, I have no reasons to remain in this place for myself, yet I doubt it would help Nissa.

Gingerly leaning her frame against my torso so her head falls against my shoulder, I begin to move. My footsteps echo around the temple once more, now bearing the anger and fright that I try so hard to conceal. Her weight on my arms seems to be nothing compared to the one that has established in my heart, sinking it into my stomach.

“Shit…” I mutter as I exit that wretched place.

As I walked hand in hand with Nissa, the sound of the birds chirping and the warmth of the sun in the back of my neck felt like a blessing. Now it all feels wrong as my light has faded and I hold it in my arms, desperately trying to keep it alive. Hoping I can keep her alive. Gods, I don’t even know what she has, how am I to look after her?

Wait… Geralt! He is a witcher, surely he knows about the subject and can find a remedy to whatever ails her. My heart had been racing ever since Nissa fell, but now it follows a crazed pace as I start moving faster.

“Geralt?” I shout to the void, looking around searching for a burly figure with silver hair or a bay mare. “Geralt, are you back yet?”

Where is this witcher? Surely he must be done with his hunt soon… we had the time to endlessly walk and wander around the woods. Time had flown by, of course, being by her side, but now… Shit. How long could it possibly take him to return? I can’t stand this helplessness for much longer, it is torture. I move to one side and the other, but realize there’s nothing I can do until he gets back. There is no way I can help her, not this time. Hence, I slowly kneel down and carefully lay her on the ground. I fear she might grow cold, and so I take my doublet off and put it over her. Is it my imagination or does she look a bit pale now?

Wanting to kill the time, I lean closer to her and check her vitals. After traveling so long with her as our medic, I must have caught on to some things. Her pulse under my fingertips seems normal, and so I gently let go of her wrist. Her breathing seems calm and paused when I lean my ear close to her mouth. Nothing seems wrong with her. Again, it is as though she merely sleeps. My anguish comes from the question of when she will wake up, or if she will wake at all.

Though I know it is in vain, I shake her shoulder. I tirelessly call her name as well as any and all of the terms of endearment I have addressed her as ever since we met. Love, delicate flower, sweetheart, my dear… None seem to work as she remains unconscious. I tap her cheeks, I move her head and her arms and yet nothing works. I even squeeze her sides in the hopes that she will move away as she has done before, lecturing me about tickling her. She doesn’t.

I let a big timorous sigh out as I restlessly sit down, passing a hand through my hair. If only she could open her beautiful green eyes and look at me that way she does, playfully and with a fond exasperation. I want to see her breathtaking smile once more, even if it is as she laughs at me in amusement to my foolishness or smirking with superiority and smugness. I would give anything to hear her call me stupid bard again, or to say my name angrily like the time I first kissed her, back then when I didn’t know what it truly meant to her.

“I need you, Nissa…” An unexpected sob tears my throat as the panic sets that she might not wake from this mysterious and magical slumber. “Come back to me, love… please…”

Tears are already welling in my eyes when the sound of hope comes to rescue me before I completely give in to despair. Two pairs of hooves rhythmically hit the ground as the horse’s rider urges his mount. I jump to my feet and turn my body to the sound, breathing once more when I recognize the witcher’s black leather clothes and silver hair.

“Oh, Geralt, thank the gods…” I stutter, gulping as I also stumble over my own two feet. Negative thoughts haunt me, and I try to ignore the possibility that he might not know how to aid Nissa either. “You’re here, I need… Geralt, please, I…”

“What happened?” The witcher jumps off Roach. He quickly hangs a creature’s head from his belt to the hook that his mare carries in the saddlebag. I don’t even pay attention to the monster he slayed, and he barely does either as his amber eyes fall upon me.

“It’s Nissa…” I drop to my knees beside her once more, clutching her hand in mine as I peer up at him with pleading eyes. “She has fainted and won’t wake up”

“Suddenly?” His deep voice grows near as he crouches by my side to look at her.

“N-No, we were in a…” I have to pause, forgetting to breathe and needing to focus on it for a moment. “A temple, we found it nearby and… this sorceress…”

“Sorceress?” Geralt interrupts my feverish ramblings. “So this is the work of magic”

“Yes, exactly. Or at least I think so. Oh, god… Geralt, please tell me you know how to reverse it”

I notice he clutches the wolf medallion hanging from his neck, though his amber eyes are fixed on her unchanging face. His other hand falls on her cheek as he moves her head from side to side as though examining her like a medic would.

“It depends” He only says, frowning in concentration as he stares at her. “Did this sorceress say something?”

“She did, she said…” Trying to recall the exact words, I stop to think for a moment. “That if she didn’t harbor bad intentions it would be alright”

“Bad intentions?” Geralt glances up at me, and I do not like the way he watches me. “What the fuck did you do, Jaskier?”

“Nothing!” I exclaim in outrage. “She is the one that cursed Nissa! My poor dove was only trying to protect me”

“Hm…” Oh, that is a frustrated and vexed grunt for sure. Geralt’s gaze lingers for a bit until it eventually falls on her again.

“Talk to me, Geralt” I beg of him, squeezing her hand tightly in mine and pressing it against my chest. “What did that bloody witch do to her?”

“Judging by what you said, it is a spell” He rummages through the small satchel hanging from his hip, though seems to find nothing useful. “From what I know, it searches within her heart and will kill her if the magic finds ill intent“

“K-Kill her?” I suddenly feel light-headed and have to lean on his shoulder not to fall flat on my ass, even from my kneeling position. My hand flies to my forehead. “Geralt…”

“Calm down” He brushes my hand off him in exasperation. “She had no ill intent”

“I know, but…” Remembering how Nissa brought out her dagger, I wonder what the so called magic considers ill intent. “How do we wake her? Will she be alright?”

“Did the sorceress say anything else?”

“Uh… she… she told me I would find a way, whatever the fuck that means”

That seems to inspire Geralt, as he quickly tilts his head up and glances from me to her and back to me. I frown, confused as to why he stares now. Nonetheless, I can nearly see the wheels in his brain turning. Perhaps I have had the solution all along without knowing.

“Kiss her” He blurts out, and I roll my eyes at him in exasperation. What a moment to tease us about our relationship, no matter how much it usually upsets him.

“I won’t do such a thing, Geralt!” I shout in anguish. “This is serious”

“So am I”

“No, this is no time to be sarcastic. This is not a fairy tale”

“All fairy tales have some truth in them”

It seems to me like he is actually being genuine. He is a witcher after all, he must know the intrincacies of magic. I frown and stare at my friend. Geralt deadpans as he stares back at me. I hesitate.

“Are you sure?” Honestly, I am so scared. When she was wounded, we at least knew how to help her. Nnow I feel utterly useless as she just lies there with no way of waking up. The witcher nods, and so I sigh. “Alright…”

I reach forward, puckering my lips until they make contact with her forehead. Her skin feels slightly cold, and I hope there is nothing actually wrong with her. If it is, that sorceress will suffer my wrath, I don’t care that she has powerful magic, I don’t care if she threatens me like Yennefer did. As I expectantly stare at her, I promise myself to get back to that temple and give that witch a piece of my mind. If she has somehow hurt Nissa…

“On the lips, Jaskier” Geralt tiredly tells me, abruptly bringing me out of my obsessive thoughts.

“Oh” I only say, leaning forwards again. However, his hand urgently presses against my chest and pushes me back. “What? What’s wrong?”

When I peer at him, Geralt is frowning. He clutches the medallion hanging from his neck.

“The magic intensified when you kissed her” The witcher gravely says. “It is a love spell”

“So I should kiss her again, right?” I hesitate, fearing that something might go wrong. “Then she will wake up… like in the fairy tale”

“If your love is strong enough” I know by his tone that he is only teasing me, but for a moment I panic at Geralt’s words. However, I recover the faith quickly. No, our love is strong and resilient. After all, it has withstood all these hardships we have lived together.

I take a deep breath and lean closer to her. My breath catches in my throat and I freeze. Concerned, I lift my head to look at Geralt. He sighs impatiently.

“What if it doesn’t work?” I point out, absolutely terrified by the idea. “What will I do if she doesn’t wake up, Geralt?”

“She’ll be fine” Though there is only determination in his voice, I read the worry in his features as well. He speaks only to convince himself, as he is just as frightened for her as I am. “Kiss her already”

“But what if it makes it worse, what if-“

“Jaskier, this will be the only time you hear me ask this of you”

Although I don’t know whether this is some sort of display of his strange humor or not, I roll my eyes in any case. Witchers make unique friends, that’s for certain.

“Alright…” I nervously breathe in, leaning closer to her once more. Her lovely scent fills me, reminding me of flowers. This appears to be enough to give me the courage to finally press my lips against hers. The feeling that overwhelms me is no different from other times.

My heart picks up its pace in euphoria, just like when I’m playing a tune to a welcoming audience or when I make Geralt laugh. It is the same sensation that envelops me whenever Nissa interacts with me, one of pure joy. It doesn’t matter what she does, a mere glance from her beautiful eyes in my direction makes my heart sing the most wonderful ballad I have ever composed. When she smiles, the feeling multiplies. When she holds my hand, I struggle to stand.

I lean back, closing my eyes to linger in the sensation of the kiss. There, I have poured all my love for her in that gesture. Hopefully the magic wil work, although if we needed any magic to fight the one that falls upon her, we need to look no further than the one Nissa possesses herself. Despite it all, I had never felt this tingling in my lips at the graze of someone’s, only hers, not to mention the way it spreads through my body and settles in my stomach.

“Nissa?” Geralt calls her, bringing me back to reality as I try to anchor myself to these sensations she produces in me… perhaps because I fear they might have come to an end.

“Come on, love…” I whisper, carefully watching her face in search for any changes.

Nissa’s eyelids suddenly flutter, and her eyelashes seem butterfly wings as they separate. Once I am received with the sight of her stunning green eyes once more, I let go a breath I had been holding ever since she collapsed. Intense relief floods through me, and a strangled noise leaves my throat, though I don’t know if it’s a chuckle or a sob.

“What…?” She whispers, and I smile when she gazes at me. “Jaskier, what happened?”

“Thank the heavens, it worked” I throw myself at her, being careful as I lovingly wrap my arms around her frame and bring her as close to me as possible until I feel her torso pressed against mine. “You’re alright”

“But…” Nissa mumbles. Her voice sounds drowsy as she clumsily puts her arms around me as well.

“Welcome back” Geralt pats her shoulder, moving us both under the force of his strong hand.

“What the fuck happened?” She insists, yet despite it all she allows me to hold her still. Good, I don’t plan on letting go of her anytime soon.

“A sorceress put a spell on you” The witcher replies, for I am too busy burying my head on her shoulder and holding her still.

“Oh…” My lovely Nissa hesitates, though in the end chuckles as she pats my back. “You can let go of me now, Jaskier”

“Don’t do that ever again!” I reluctantly pull away, bearing a grave expression as soon as we are face to face once more. “I thought we had agreed you wouldn’t scare me like that”

It had been awful to see her crumble soon after we met. It had been worse to witness how she got gravely injured that one time, the one I truly feared for her life and Geralt and I had to attentively tend to her for days. My fragile heart simply cannot take that uncertainty and pain again.

“I’m sorry” Her words are gentle on top of her sweet voice, and her hand is delicate as she presses her palm against my cheek. “I will be more careful next time”

“I certainly hope so” I dramatically put a hand against my chest, theatrically throwing myself backwards as though I am swooning. “Or else I might perish from such tension to my poor hummingbird heart”

In reality, my poor heart is actually racing. It doesn’t matter, my attempts have been successful and Nissa laughs. Geralt grunts next to us, but I pay no mind to him.

“I will make it up to you, dear bard” Nissa takes my face in her hands and gifts me with a chaste kiss.

For a moment I tense up, still fearing that the spell hasn’t quite been broken and the exchange will somehow undo what mine magically cured. However, I sigh once more when I see her still lovingly gazing at me, awake and well. What a scare… but the anguish is over.

I stare into her eyes, knowing what she is thinking of. We possess a special magic that exposes each other’s thoughts. She regrets worrying us both, yet at the same time she understands my jokes are a reassurance that everything is alright. By now, Nissa understands that I will comfort her as I have all this time. Grateful for this, she smiles with the power of a dozen suns. That is enough to heal any damage done to my heart.

“That was too fucking close” Geralt complains, now having returned to his blatant dislike for our affection.

“I agree” Taking her by the hands, I pull the both of us up to our feet. “We know better than to mess with sorceress”

“Yeah…” Nissa grins, looking from the witcher to me.

“Next time, Nissa…” He pauses to drop a hand on her shoulder. “Try not to threaten a sorceress”

We are so surprised by his rare and unexpected joke that we break out in laughter. It is the ultimate test to show the positive end of this particular tale. Sleeping beauty has awakened. Nissa is alright, and so everything is alright with the world again.

Tag list: @x-joie-x / @x-jodi-x / @bravelittlesunflower​ / @golden-guide / @alwayshave-faith / @this-is-whump-dammit / @legallyblindgamer727 / @lilyevans1 / @kingniazx / @molethemollie / @a-somehow-functioning-dumbass // Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list for this series!!

[twilightofthe]

@nerdgatehobbit Hey! Thanks for the question! Ik you asked this to my main but imma respond on my SW blog if that’s okay?

So whew that’s a big question. Do I honestly think that Dave kept Obi Wan and Padmé and then Anakin and Satine from interacting in the TCW show because they didn’t want shipping wars?

(Remember, these are all just my personal opinions. I do me and you do you!)

Short version? Yes and no. Long version? Under the cut because I can never shut up.

Firstly, I don’t wanna say this was all Dave’s decision. He was one of the top guys in charge of TCW, yes, but he was far from the only one, there was an entire creative team working on the project, and during the time of TCW’s original six seasons Lucasfilms was not owned by Disney yet and George Lucas himself had a very large amount of creative control over the entire show. So I don’t really think it’s fair at all to point fingers at any choices the show made and go “yep that’s completely 100% Dave’s fault alone”.

I also don’t quite think they were concerned about shipping wars in the way ATLA had them. Avatar’s shipping wars were so absolutely toxically rancid that they legit drove me right out of that fandom. I’m still hesitant to come back during the current renaissance because of them. Star Wars, prior to the Sequel Trilogy, never had shipping wars close to that calibre of pure nastiness. The fandom was a godawful cesspool that fought to the death on most aspects of the franchise, this has always been true, but shipping, if I’ve read right, was somehow never really one of those hot button issues within fandom. I don’t think Lucasfilms kept the Clone Wars four apart because they were afraid of fans fighting over ships.

That being said, Lucasfilms HAS always been Very Strict on how they want their characters to be seen, romantic-wise, way back to when they would terrorize Original Trilogy slash shippers back in the 80’s and 90’s with threats of legal action. It’s part of why they were Very Firm in their insistence that they had absolutely nothing to do with all the Luke/Mara Jade EU stuff. You either abided by LF’s canonical romances or not at all in their world. So yes, in the case of Obi Wan and Padmé, I absolutely think the writing team’s decision to keep the pair of them apart was almost entirely so fans didn’t ship them together.

Why do I think this? Because there is no other rational reason why Obi Wan and Padmé haven’t had a single second of screentime in TCW that hasn’t had either Anakin or Satine also in the room as a buffer. Not when Revenge of the Sith EXPLICITLY portrays their relationship as relatively close friends who care about each other. So nope, I genuinely think the show just doesn’t want the fans to consider any other relationship for Padmé besides Anakin.

But why would they do this just to her and Obes? Obi Wan and Padmé both have other friends of different genders, why don’t they worry about us shipping THEM? Well for Obi Wan’s case, it can be excused that he flirts with everyone, so we’re conditioned to think that it’s never anything serious, and none of the other characters are married to the main character of the series. This is entirely because of Padmé’s position. Yes, she has other male friends, but either they’re nonhuman and not conventionally attractive so the series doesn’t see them as a threat, they’re Clovis, who they actively show Anakin going into a jealous fit over, or they’re Bail, who can be excused by the fact that he’s already married and also because he’s never actively shown as in competition with Anakin for anything, so he’s not threatening either.

Obi Wan, on the other hand, is a major threat to Anidala in the show’s eyes. They already constantly make a point to compare him and Anakin in almost every opportunity. Which is strange, the show’s decision to force them into the role of narrative foils to each other when in the movies that isn’t the case at all— Obi Wan is much more of a foil to Sidious and Anakin’s foil is Luke —but yeah, the show very often has Obes and Ani going through similar situations with competing viewpoints— ESPECIALLY their canon romances, and I won’t rant about how the show’s attempted Anidala and Obitine parallels fall apart under scrutiny right now but if yinz want the rant sometime let me know.

Obi Wan also has the canonical ability to charm the pants off of literally everyone he meets. Nearly everyone in canon is in love with him, 80% of the fandom at least is in love with him, and I KNOW most of the crew was in love with him too. Anakin, on the other hand, has a very abrasive personality and is much easier to dislike. The show was ALREADY terrified of the fans not liking or wanting to root for Anakin to the point that they reworked his entire personality to make him more palatable to his critics from the movies. Plus, Obidala fans already existed! Since the first and second PT movies, a big group of people already shipped these two because they already thought Obi Wan was a preferable match to Padmé than Anakin. The studio did not want to encourage this.

So yes, I think it was a combination of the show’s tendency to already try and get the fans to compare Obi Wan to Anakin for everything else plus their insecurity in Anakin’s image and likeability as it was, that they did Not want the handsome charming not-future-evil guy around the leading lady and threatening her canon romance by existing as a possibly better option. So Obi Wan and Padmé got no stories together, just kinda throwing the opening ROTS left them in the garbage ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ The worst part is, there is so many potential places in TCW where Obi Wan and Padmé could talk to each other, like during her investigation into her friend’s murder, during the Clovis arc, bits during the Malevolence arc, the earlier Naboo crisis arcs, even the one time where she’s just hosting a damn party and wants to invite her friends gahhhhhhhh

Anakin and Satine, I also think yes, but this is also a case of half and half because Satine isn’t nearly as major a character as the other three are, and out of the nine episodes she appears in, she only has more than a singular line in seven of them, and out of those seven, only two of them aren’t revolves entirely around building her relationship with Obi Wan. So really, there is a defence for the writers here in noting that there’s not as much room to explore Satine’s character as it is, let alone trying to shoehorn in a scene with Anakin.

Except no, I’m not gonna give them that defence because in the two episodes where she only has a speaking line or less— Obi Wan’s funeral and the Ahsoka and Lux meet Death Watch ep —I can already easily think of ways she and Anakin could have really meaningful interactions in them both. Y’all have already heard my bit on how they could have a real important conversation at the funeral, but y’all HAVEN’T seen my idea for a rewrite of the Carlac ep where it’s a two-parter, Anakin comes with Ahsoka and Padmé to the negotiations on Mandalore, and it ends up with a subplot of Anidala chasing after Ahsoka and Lux with Satine as the put-upon third wheel and we get foreshadowing to Satine being Bo Katan’s sister, so when the reveal happens the next season it actually means something.

So yeah, it was partially because of timing constraints, but it was also DEFINITELY in part because they didn’t want Satine being shipped with Anakin— which ppffffft, if they were brave enough to actually try writing these two in a conversation in-character, they’d understand how much of a not-worry this would be xD —because the show is set on the fact that despite maybe there being other flings at some point, Obi Wan and Satine are each other’s one true tragic love (Or, at least Obi Wan is Satine’s. He’s always had more freedom and decision than she has in this narrative, and that’s always kinda bugged me). So, that means Satine can’t interact with any men unless they’re gonna betray her trust and try to kill her by the end of the episode, because the show needs Obi Wan to have a loyal, steady, good girlfriend because he is a good man.

(And yes, before anyone says it, I have heard the more unpleasant rumors behind why exactly Obi Wan was given a girlfriend in the show, but as I’ve yet to see any official proof of them besides fandom salt, I’m not gonna spread them because those are hefty accusations to throw around).

So yeah, Satine can’t talk to Anakin partially because time constraints, but also because she isn’t allowed to talk to any other nice men besides Obi Wan and her son (no I don’t particularly like the Korkie Kenobi thing, but it is blatantly obvious that that is what the show was implying and I’m not gonna pretend otherwise), and Obi Wan and Padmé can’t talk to each other entirely because the show saw Obidala as a threat to Anidala.

Again, just my opinions and things I noticed, y’all are more than free to disagree and discuss with me.

[toothyblowjob]

fuck it, cats recap

i saw cats with my boyfriend a few days ago. i wanted to make one of these after but thought i couldn't possibly add anything to the heaps of commentary already available on tumblr. unfortunately, cats has a certain staying power, and i think the only way to forget what i've seen is to write it down (aided by a list of songs to remind me which scenes came in which order). so here we go

the opening scene was such a bizarre combination of unsettling and kinda boring. there was so much unnecessary tension.

the set actually looked really pretty! shame about everything it had to witness.

almost all the words in the movie are unintelligible. it's probably for the best.

victoria, the audience surrogate cat, was initially in a big burlap sack which was thrown into an alley. the jellicle cats approach and dramatically paw at the sack. you can tell this was a bit of choreography meant for the stage and not a movie.

some of the cats crawl on their hands and knees, and it's just the most uncomfortable thing you can imagine.

when victoria actually emerges, all the cats hiss and disappear, then reappear to sing a song that mainly consists of asking victoria if she has certain "cat" traits like... being blind at birth???

"would you look at a king? would you sit on his throne?"

in the same song there's a sequence of cats just listing adjectives for themselves. i looked up the lyrics and apparently at one point they say "rabbinical cats." what the fuck is a rabbinical cat?

the big gray cat (afaict he isn't named in the film, but the credits list him as "munkustrap," which is one of the worst names for anything i've ever heard) asks victoria for her name, and is perplexed that it's something normal. look buddy, you don't get to name yourself munkustrap and then complain about anyone else's name.

apparently cats have three names: one that their family calls them, one super fucked up one that they decide themselves (like munkustrap), and a secret name they don't tell anyone else. the third name never becomes relevant, so i honestly don't see why they mentioned it.

if you ever see a cat in "profound meditation" they're just thinking about their name. aight.

sorry, good omens fandom, cats forever ruined the word "ineffable."

i think it's somewhere around here that macavity first appears??? i am ashamed to admit that for a brief moment he looked kind of attractive. it's idris elba, okay?

there's a song where they introduce the idea of the jellicle ball. it's really creepy, which is fitting, because apparently the jellicle ball is when their cat president decides who gets to die and go to "the heaviside layer." tbh if i were in this reality i would be begging for death too.

every moment where the cats are whisper-singing is deeply unpleasant. why.

apparently the cat president decides who deserves to die by having them each sing a song about their name. i'd previously heard the musical summarized as "cats introduce themselves one by one until one of them gets the right to die" and honestly that's pretty accurate.

munkustrap leads victoria to a human kitchen, where rebel wilson's character jennyanydots (really) is lounging around being generally useless. there is an extended shot of her scratching her crotch. i am so tired of rebel wilson playing funny fat characters.

i had already heard that jennyanydots unzipped her fursuit at some point during her song. i couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what the fuck people meant by that. what they meant is, jennyanydots unzips her fucking skin to reveal a sparkly costume AND ANOTHER LAYER OF SKIN underneath. is this part of the musical? please tell me.

i knew about the cockroach vore too, but that didn't make it any less upsetting. it happens twice. there are crunching noises.

the cockroaches are... they all have human faces. they look like aliens from a kid's movie made in 2005.

rum tum tugger's song is, i regret to inform you, a bop. i looked the song up afterwards, and the stage version is actually more upsetting. a lot of crotch action.

that being said, there is a horrifically sexual part during the movie version where cats are guzzling milk and it kinda looks like bukkake drawn by someone who had never seen cum before.

also the cgi for the milk was inexplicably bad. like, it looked like some shit out of a spy kids movie.

towards the end of the song, rum tum tugger pulls victoria's foot towards his mouth. i felt time slow, and i started muttering to myself "no no no no no." fortunately, he did not suck victoria's toes. i hate that i have to write that.

i believe it's at this point that macavity shows up and thanos-snaps jennyanydots. this is the first time magic is shown to exist, which made for a really surreal effect. i kinda thought i was having a stroke.

grizabella.....

grizabella is just furry fantine. she used to be a super glamorous cat, and now she's wearing garbage and singing about how sad she is. jennifer hudson really gave it her all though.

bustopher jones, who looks like he's just james corden's fursona, shows up and sings a song about how fat he is and how much he loves to eat. my fat ass was not amused. at the end of the song he too gets taken by macavity. i guess he has a thing for chubby cats.

mungojerrie and rumpleteazer are just awful names. i hate them so much. why would you name yourself mungojerrie.

they really seem like they're trying to convince victoria to have a threesome with them. at the end of the song she's laying in a bed between them. it's bad.

i am so grateful the dog that they run away from is never shown. i can't even imagine how awful that would be.

the past two mornings i've woken up with old deuteronomy's song stuck in my head. i don't know why. it's not that interesting.

the cats all flock to old deuteronomy and nuzzle her. it's awful.

judy dench and ian mckellan were taking this so fucking seriously. i had to see ian mckellan, without a trace of irony, saying "meow meow meow" and drinking milk out of a dish. it was one of the most upsetting moments for me.

"jellicle cats are black and white," according to a bunch of cats that are neither black nor white.

victoria needs a moment to go outside and chill during the jellicle ball. i can relate.

grizabella is there again, singing a weirdly beautiful song about when she was younger and happier. i decide jennifer hudson is this movie's saving grace.

victoria sings another weirdly beautiful song about how she was abandoned in an alley (which i guess is how she ended up among the jellicle cats).

"all that i wanted,,,, was to be wanted,,," heartbreaking. relatable. loved it.

ian mckellan, whose cat is apparently named gus (short for asparagus), sings a song about how he used to be a great... actor? magician? i wasn't really clear. ian mckellan continues to do his very best to make this weird senile cat seem real, and i fully expect him to drop dead of old age halfway through the song. alas, no cat can die unless old deuteronomy wills it. i thiiiink he got taken by macavity at the end?

it turns out jennyanydots and bustopher james (and gus, i guess) are NOT dead (sigh), but have been transported to a barge in the middle of the thames. honestly i think i just dissociated too hard to remember this scene very well.

another bop from skimbleshanks the railway cat. the slow motion tap dancing was a bit much, but the song at least was fun. at the end he gets disappeared by macavity, oops!

taylor swift's whole bit is... it's just hard to sit through. yknow how everyone made fun of that bit in "look what you made me do" where she went like, "sorry, the old taylor can't come to the phone right now. why? oh, cause she's dead!" her whole song had that energy. the fake english accent made me want to die.

she pours catnip on all the cats, which makes them moan and writhe a lot. i think this was supposed to be the orgy scene? i don't know.

macavity has "broken every human law," which i assume includes treason and gay sex. i really love the possibilities here.

actually yknow what just occurred to me? would macavity get in trouble for bestiality if he fucked a human? or would it have to be, like, a cockroach or something else that's "lower" than him?

macavity thanos snaps old deuteronomy because she refuses to let him die. everyone is super sad until victoria goes "oh hey, mr. mistoffelees can do magic! :D"

unfortunately, i really liked mr. mistoffelees' song. i've been singing it multiple times a day. his face may be upsetting but his overall vibe is kinda adorable.

mr. mistoffelees is named after the demon mephistopheles btw. i feel like that needs to be said.

old deuteronomy is returned to the jellicle ball, and victoria convinces grizabella to sing for everyone. the song, again, is beautiful and heart-wrenching. everyone loves it, and grizabella is chosen to die.

grizabella is put in a hot air balloon. i think the heaviside layer is fake, the jellicle cats are a death cult, and she's just going to suffocate to death. this is supported by the fact that the heaviside layer is a real name for a part of our atmosphere.

old deuteronomy ADDRESSES THE AUDIENCE DIRECTLY at the very end. i hate it.

she says triumphantly, "a cat is not a dog!" this is important enough that the entire cast repeats it. my boyfriend is more upset by this than i am.

there are some horny facial expressions, i think, and the camera pans back to the hot air balloon. the movie ends.

[disruptedvice]

Chapters: 1/3 Fandom: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Gamora/Peter Quill Characters: Gamora (Marvel), Peter Quill Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Smut, Bodyswap, body switching, Teasing, Sparring, competent!Peter, Love, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Happy Sex, Sex Is Fun, Romance, Humor, Fluff and Smut, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot

Summary:

A month, they were told. It was going to be a whole month of this. Nothing they could do except wait it out. In hindsight, it could have been worse. She could have gone on the mission with Rocket. Or Groot. At least she wasn't going to be stuck as a raccoon for a month. Groot would probably accidentally kill himself in her body- if he even made it through a whole month without killing her body, she'd probably get it back with at least one missing limb.

So yes, she was very glad she went on that mission with Peter. Well, technically she wished they'd never gone on that mission at all, but Peter was the best body switching case scenario. If whichever two guardians went on that mission were going to get their bodies switched for a month, she had to admit they were probably the best choice. Seeing as they were already... intimately familiar with each other's bodies. Yeah, if she had to choose anyone to be stuck in her body for a whole month, she would definitely chose her boyfriend of two years. And she would pick his body hands down as well. She loved his body. She's only spent the last two years making love to it and sleeping next to it every night.

-

“Should we... keep going on missions? Or do you think we're like out of commission for the month?” Peter asked on day two. It was extremely jarring eating breakfast across from him that morning. Is that what her voice sounded like?

Gamora was kinda zoning off, partly because of how weird it was, but also, like... she was really pretty. She had never considered her own body attractive or anything. This morning was a different story. She supposed it made sense. This was Peter's body, with Peter's brain chemistry, who was significantly attracted to Gamora. Like, it was distracting. Her gaze kept drifting from the messy bed head of black tangles and curls across the table, down to incredibly alluring emerald lips that were chattering just as much as Peter always did.

Yes, it was incredibly weird being in Peter's body with Peter's brain chemistry, looking at Gamora's body, while still having Gamora's consciousness. Not unpleasant. Just... weird.

She briefly wondered if Peter was having the same thoughts regarding his own body, and then immediately knew he was, because they just woke up, and she always thought Peter's hair all fussed up was the hottest thing ever.

“I'm not sure,” she responded, biting down on pink lips (rather mischievously, she might add), and was extremely delighted when the big brown eyes across from her darted down and widened at the sight. “I'm not sure how well we'd function in a fight. For all the fun Drax and I have teasing you for your weak Terran physiology, your physical strength isn't lacking. You're almost as strong as me,” Gamora said with a teasing smile. “I just hope you don't get sick this month. Barring failures of your Terran immune system, we should be fine. I'm not so sure about combat. While our strengths are reasonably level, muscle memory is a different story. I think we should- what do you say? Playing ears? See how it goes. Stay on the ship for the next few days, practice sparring, and if all goes well, I don't see why we couldn't at least go on low risk missions the rest of the month. We might just need to give ourselves a short adjustment period.”

[Or: the established relationship body switching smut fic you didn't know you needed]

[bunnis-babes]

So @queennerd-love tagged me to do this forever ago, and I just kinda… didn’t. But I’m bored and angry about accidentally deleting the same HCs for the second time, so I’m doing this to distract.

Star sign?

Gemini

Height?

5’5” I’m a moderately size girl, just kinda average.

Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first 4.

So uhhh… all of these are undertale/deltarune because thats my go to playlist, it’s what I use when I do pretty much anything so… :/

1. The Legend (Toby Fox)

2. Spear of Justice (Undertale Remix by Game Chops)

3. Dogsong (Kazoo cover by Tsuko G.)

4. Don’t give up (Toby Fox)

Grab the nearest book and skip to the page 23, what is the 17th line?

Uhm… the closest book I had was a manga so this doesn’t really apply all that well, but I’ll just give the last spoken line. “He’s calling to give you his answer…” If you can guess where it’s from that’d be fun.

Ever had a poem written about you?

Yeah actually, he had to write Haikus about our classmates one year in junior high. I think my best friend and I wrote about each other, but I can’t be too sure.

When was the last time you played air guitar?

Uhhhhh… over a year ago? Like sometime in 2017 was the last time for sure.

Name one sound you hate one you love?

The sound of a books binding being destroyed is something I can stand. It hurts my should when I hear that noise. A sound I love is orchestral sounds its just pleasing to my ears.

Do you believe in ghosts? Aliens?

Ghosts, but not aliens. I don’t want to explain why, but magical little men living on mars just doesn’t sound… plausible. The idea of ghosts is just, it makes more sense then these E.T. beings.

Do you drive/have you been in a car crash?

My dad hit a deer on the way to the hospital when my mom went into labor. Other than that, no.

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Meh… Sharpies smell way better.

Last movie you saw?

Into the spider verse

Worst Injury?

I fell off the monkey bars and sprained my ankle. It hurt a lot and couldn’t walk on it for a while, because pain.

Your Obsessions?

BNHA, Gravity Falls, Cermet, Undertale (The game itself please don’t hate me), Deltarune, A silent Voice, MHA: Vigilantes, Waitress, The Arcana, many more.

Hold Grudges?

Only one, and that bitch deserves it. She was an ass to me and my friends and she did this shit to herself.

Relationship?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I’m unlovable.

When was the last time you screamed at the top of your lungs?

When I stepping into my home to day after school.

What view would you like to have out of your window?

A bustling city in the distance, separated by a small field with a nice solid tree growing in it.

If you could instantly know how to speak another language, what language would you choose to know?

Japanese is the first one. Most likely Spanish, French and Norwegian after that. I’ve got a whole bunch more, but those are the main contenders.

What would be your strategy for surviving an apocalyptic epidemic?

Have my close friends with me and be sure to have plenty of food and meds and other basic shit like that. Probably die, idk I wouldn’t really give a shit if the world died.

When does time pass the fastest for you? The slowest?

It passes fastest in Biology and slowest in Spanish.

You can broadcast one sentence to every TV channel and radio station and have it translated, what would it be?

“Dude what the fuck, I don’t know what to sa- hEY ARE YOU ACTUALLY BROADCASTING THIS SHI-“ And then the entire broadcast is shut down.

What are you completely over and done with?

People telling me I can’t enjoy Undertale because of the fandom, fake bitches, my depression/anxiety getting in my way of having a successful school career, my health teacher, not being comfortable with a lot of guys, not being able to ask for help.

Who haven’t you seen in a while and want to see if their okay?

@home-of-the-trash and @blackdevilina

What do you wish people would stop asking you about?

“Why can’t you just talk to people.” “Why are you so anxious and awkward all the time.” “It’s not that hard, just ask them.”

What is the most unusual fear you have?

That we have a rooster living in our attic thing area place.

What’s the biggest lesson life has taught you?

Not to trust everyone right away.

Of you could hear when people say positive or negative things about you, which would you choose to hear?

Positive, it would be nice to hear and a good confidence boost. Plus, negative things would just push me further into depression.

What’s the best piece of advice someone has given to you?

“Don’t depend on people as much as you did with her, they might hurt you and I don’t want to see that happen again.”

What do you think people automatically assume about you when they look at you?

Quiet, awkward, and not too attractive.

When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?

Just today.

What’s your story?

It’s a lot of me living life obliviously before realizing why I am the way I am and being sad suddenly, but I’m getting better.

What do you wish you had more time for?

Writing, art, classes I want to take, friends, trips, fun things I want to do.

What’s the most unpleasant sounding word?

Andrew.

If you could dedicate your life to solving one issue, what would it be?

Depression.

What feelings do the colors Turquoise, silver, purple, or brown represent to you?

Turquoise: Calmness, Serenity

Silver: A burden, great wealth

Brown: Grossness, disgust

Purple: Pride, Royalty

What is your favorite way to meet new people?

In a casual way. Just walk up and introduce yourself to me and try to get me talking. I have a hard time making friends and putting in effort to make them, but I will try to make friends with someone who wants to.

What is your favorite non-drug/non-alcohol high?

Being able to laugh, it’s a good reliever and I feel happy and amazing while doing it.

What kind of personality traits do you associate certain names?

Elizabeth: Nice, friendly, basic

Andrew: Smart, goofy, brotherly

Lilly: Boisterous, funny, a gremlin

What is the best thing you could tell someone to cheer them up when they are feeling down?

There isn’t much you can say to make them feel better a lot of the time, I really default to making terrible puns and jokes and that normally brings a smile to their face.

What’s the best decision you’ve ever made?

Opening up to my amazing best friends.

What’s weird about you?

I’m thinking just about everything is strange personality wise; but physically I have a little bump in my nose. Everyone tells me it doesn’t really distract from the rest of my face and it makes me pretty, but I don’t like it.

What are you hyped about?

My next school break, summer break omg, Spanish class to be fucking over.

What do couples do that seriously annoys you?

Uhm… some of them make out right in front of us and its just disgusting. Like, yeah your in love, go make out in the bathroom, thanks.

Oof, wrote half of this at 1am and half of it in first hour! I’m really bored, so I just did this because why not. Hope you liked it!

💙River💙

[purplemoonfox]

Watch the damn video. The title is upsetting but the video is good.

IMHO, yes and no to the tinfoily possibility of why this film flopped as presented by the video’s maker. I’ll explain why. Basically I agree wholeheartedly, but I don’t go in for conspiracy theories as such. One of these days I’ll write down my thoughts on Star Wars, fandom,society, and the early 2000′s. It’s part of my continuing if unwritten theory on All Else Aside, Why Advertising Should Be Heavily Regulated, closely related to Corporations Are Not People, Fuck Off Don’t @ Me. Also closely related to Ethics: The Class No One Likes In Business School Which Is Hilariously Ironic For A Lot Of Reasons. Little under grad me was sitting in a business school once and my friend walked over laughing. Apparently he’d overheard some business kids whining about how boring and useless ethics class was.

I’m a bit of a misanthropic shit with a bone to pick if you can’t tell.

Anyway--

If you asked me whether Disney had some grand, literally planned out conspiracy in torpedoing this movie, just so they could welch on a deal made with one of the previous execs, I’d say you’re reaching. Frankly, as they say, Disney is a business. Regardless of whatever face it puts on, Disney is a business. If they wanted it to flop they didn’t want a $70 million plus deficit. That’s why it freaked the fuck out after Solo flopped, which isn’t fair to Solo since poor Solo, which grew on me massively since I was somewhat bewildered by it at first (if anyone’s curious I’ll talk about that later) was in a somewhat similar situation when it went up at a weird time of year against DP2, the marketing was absolute shit because they’d practically given up after the backlash against a young Han Solo full stop, and they used a filthy casual generalist’s character (Han Solo) to showcase some very specialist in fandom’s details like (SPOILER?) Maul being alive again. But I do like the point the video maker made about the DVD release and winter movies, and the release environment. 

So let’s re-establish some points that the video maker made.

1. This was a personal passion project from the beginning, not a studio or company thing.

The directors struggled since 1987 to get this thing into motion and it was on an agreement made with an exec that it was ever put in motion.

2. This film spared no expense. 

The visual animation in this film is very well done. But it’s basically Disney animation tossing out all the stops. Which, honestly, was what they generally do when innovating, but...this is an animator’s and director’s movie. In a sense it’s an art film done by masters of their craft, but marketed by someone who is more interested in what sells. You want to know when we’ll get less Star Wars and MCU? Stop buying quite so much of it all. I say, as I’m going to run out and get me some sweet Dooku comics. Shut up. It’s not hypocrisy if I know what I’m enabling...LOL.

But here’s another thing that the video maker lauds, but forgets that studios can be really fucking finicky about this kind of off the wall risk-taking---

3. It’s anomalous in a lot of ways. 

That’s going to scare people in the industry because it’s not the tried and true that often wins the Benjis the easiest for the least effort. There’s a reason we now see so many franchises with long-running film series and remakes and sequels and so on--they have established characters in established universes that makes marketing have an easier time of establishing rapport with an audience and attracting attention. They don’t have to make anything new; new doesn’t even make as much money. Treasure Planet came out in 2002 for reference, POTC: Curse of the Black Pearl came out in 2003, so it was in that time period when movies didn’t necessarily have interconnected franchises and were instead relatively more separate iterations unto themselves, kind of like Rocky or Rambo, so it was a little before the era of massively planned out story arcs. I don’t think Marvel ever really had a plan to make the MCU as we know it today, I don’t think George Lucas knew what the fuck he was kicking off when he released TPM in 1999, which is to say the resurgence of Star Wars in concurrence with the rise of modern fandoms starting with the release of Pokemon in 1996 and continuing to play a big part in the lives of Millennials nostalgia is one of the few marketing techniques that work on us...and yes I can show studies. But studios chased that profit relentlessly and it eventually coalesced into something like a plan oh god I’ll move on or I’ll go into Star Wars and we’re not here for that.

I think people rely too much on the assumption that there must be some kind of dedicated conspiracy to bring outcomes like these, like they’re never the product of an unhappy outcome of multiple issues going on independently and congruently. Sometimes that involves personal issues on the part of the people making the decisions that affect something. Roads to hell and all that.

Okay.

The company wasn’t excited about it, it was something those newer CEOs couldn’t pull the plug on once they inherited it. And the company may not have wanted to make the second? Yes, all possible. Even likely. I’m also strongly reminded of Erich von Stroheim’s Foolish Wives, which got him banned from directing for life and established the supremacy of studios over directors forevermore.

Risks too many risks are anathema to a moneymaking entity in the black. These directors may have dragged Disney out of the shitter but now they were sitting comfortably on a pile of cash, and risk is a lot less costly--when you want to take it. When.

I’ve read some, not much, about social economic status and behavior. Rich people have less to lose when taking risks, so they can say cute things like “well just go off and do it and see what you get!” and possibly just face a setback, when for someone in a lower income status the possible outcome of risk is actual destitution. The former sees only potential benefit, the latter only danger.

Moneymaking institutions, on the other hand, tend to resist risk and change when the possible outcome is less money. If anything, they want just enough innovation to draw interest, but not enough to surprise or put people off. Side note: if Disney ever teamed up with Wal-Mart I’m going to call it Shin-Ra and no one can stop me. Disney in the shitter? Fuck yes, take risks--what we’ve got isn’t working and we desperately need to make money somehow. Disney not in the shitter? Fuck no, don’t take risks--what we’ve got is working and you’re possibly going to do something people won’t like so we won’t make money. Who cares if the two people at the head of the project are the reason you’re sitting on a mountain of cash right fucking now? A board without the risk of default only sees dangers, they’re not seeing potential benefits.

If anything there was a level of resignation and “fuck it, let’s let them do this because we kind of have to and see how it goes, this was their project, not ours” and a lot of “see, told you so! Now get back to work!” that went on. But it’s a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy that they won’t own up to, in that lack of an advertisement campaign in the run up to the release. They set the movie up to fail not because of a planned conspiracy but because of a risk-minimization impulse and...then make less than astute assumptions about what it was about the movie that caused it to fail--then plan off of all that.

Now. Going to change gears a little and go on a bit of a tangent, because it relates to that very last point--the part about moving forward.

Remember when this happened. The early 2000′s. What was emerging right around the early 2000′s? That’s right. CGI animation. Did Disney scrap their whole animation studios and pare it down to projection work after that spate of less-than-stellar performances before the Disney Renaissance? Did they blame animation itself for its faults? No they did not, but it would become a convenient whipping boy.

I got into a pretty unpleasant argument a few months ago when, having been asked what unpopular opinion one has on a thread, I said that I wished Disney hadn’t closed their 2D animation. I love 2D. I really do. Most of the people who replied were like “you do realize that isn’t an unpopular opinion kthx” and I was like “ok fair enough.”

But then this mouth-breathing chucklefuck that apparently can’t read labels thought it was cute to try and tell me why I’m wrong for me to have my own fucking opinion what a cute notion. He was a fucking twit, but I got a few salient points out of it to roll over in my head anyway. I strongly suspect he had something to do with the industry itself because of the points he made. He didn’t change my mind, but some points are worth thinking about.

1. Disney is for kids. Okay. Not if they don’t want to tap into more than just parents strapped for cashs’ pockets, but the movies are still made to be accessible and engaging for younger people, so I rolled my eyes and moved on.

2. Related to the first point, kids don’t like 2D animation anymore because they’re used to 3D because that’s what all their other entertainment is is. Why?

3. INNOVATION. EVERYONE WANTS INNOVATION AND GETS BORED WITHOUT 100% FULL THROTTLE VISUAL INNOVATION. YOU’RE JUST BEING A BITTER OLD NOSTALGIA HOUNDING HAG. 

Medium aside, the rest to a movie is really just window dressing; Moana had fantastic and original music as well as otherwise being visually stunning too, granted, because in no way am I hating on 3D itself; the point is it’s not an opera singer standing in for the voice actress, much as I love Beauty and the Beast’s animated soundtrack, but music can be played regardless of animation medium. And you’re damn right we could’ve had a Polynesian Princess before now.

Of the two I found the second point more interesting and less inane. The third was just...charming.

Now. Just to go back to Star Wars real quick to make a point; the OT is filmed in a way consistent with the time period it was made in. I’ve known people who tell me that they prefer the sequels and that ANH, ep 4 the one with the Death Star for anyone wandering in, not the one with Ewoks or Hoth, is boring. Why? Because it’s filmed like a movie from 1978, which means its pacing is different and so are the camera angles and so on. Because, uh, it’s a movie from 1978. What an original fucking concept. If you need a comparison for what was otherwise more or less the standard of SFX in the day, pop in Star Trek: The Motion Picture, 1979 I’m not hating on Trekkies, I love you guys. Star Wars is phenomenally ahead of its time. For an older version, guys, I may loathe Citizen Kane with every fiber of my salty little being, but I will give it full credit for the innovations it made in camera angles and scene setting. 

All of this is not to forget The Princess and The Frog in 2009, which was great, but it didn’t smash through the roof like this was the end of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

So. We had Treasure Planet, whose release was a wretched cluster of fuck. We had Winnie the Pooh, which isn’t...well, guys, it’s not an original story, and then we had Home on the Range, which I’ve never seen. I enjoyed Brother Bear, but I swear the being a bear for most of the movie kind of killed the ability of a lot of people to put themselves in their shoes. Because let’s face it--if we’re going for blaming thematic issues, romance is still a part of the Disney theory, even if we’ve finally reached the point of questioning some of its normal tenets--not marrying someone you just met and why is everyone dancing come to mind oh Flynn Rider you fucking gem you. But none of that is made impossible by the medium of 3D. And why the fuck is everyone ignoring Mulan and Esmeralda in all this anyway. Well, poor Esmeralda always gets the short end of the stick. I swear though that woman did convince me that I could be fucking badass in a skirt though.

Meanwhile we see the rise of Pixar. In 1995, we had Toy Story my mother dragged us to see that movie seven times in theaters. Now that I think about it I shouldn’t be surprised that the woman was fascinated with the concept of a secret world anonymously devoted to the person that plays with them in a way that makes them literally dolls on shelves, since...reasons. Monsters, Inc., in 2001, Finding Nemo in 2003, The Incredibles in 2004, and Wall-E and Up in 2008 and 2009, respectively--after the acquisition by Disney in 2006. They haven’t done quite so well recently, their stock has taken on more sequels decently good sequels, granted, not the shitty made for video stuff that Disney put out, and some others. I’ll be annoyed if they make a sequel for Wall-E; I don’t know what that would look like. Maybe rediscovering the concept of competition over resources and nostalgia for the good old days of space. Nah. That just sounds like why Tolkien never wrote a sequel to LOTR.

I brought that bit about Treasure Planet (2002), Brother Bear (2003), Home on the Range (2004), and The Princess and The Frog (2009) up to mainly make the point that after Treasure Planet’s lackluster response until The Princess and The Frog, Disney gave it anything but relatively normal big-name projects...and then topped it off with Winnie the Pooh in 2011, which was never going to be a blowout hit. I like Winnie the Pooh itself enough to not disdain it, but I don’t like it enough to spend money on a fucking movie ticket. Mostly just tolerated it in Kingdom Hearts if not ignored it when I could. 

Now, you might think that the immediately previous statement basically made my point entirely invalid, but I also brought up that bit about the highly successful Pixar, which they bought in 2006. They pretty much lost interest and moved on to the shiny new thing; The Princess and The Frog really only got made because John Lasseter and Ed Catmull wanted to make it; Disney had meant to shut 2D animation down. Then it had some controversy, though to my knowledge the film did its best to resolve the issues. Furthermore, despite the fact that we were supposed to get more animated films because it did well, The Princess and The Frog, despite its success, we got the rug pulled out from under us when they didn’t get enough money.

Look. Every thirty years or so, somebody swears that they just invented 3D screens. While not on a television, they’ve had “how to make visual representation look 3D” since 1838. No, not 1938. 1838. It’s a stupid gimmick, and it will be a stupid gimmick the next time they bring it up, too. They have tried to sell 3D tv screens in the past, and it failed then, too. The point I’m trying to make is that sometimes it’s not the medium that’s at fault, although some people in the industry itself seem to blame it for not being “new” enough, as if it’s not their failure to innovate effectively and then do their due diligence that’s to blame. Disney basically shot themselves in the foot over Treasure Planet and hand-drawn animation in general, and threw up their hands, affected to forget that any of that ever happened, and blamed the gun that they suddenly found sitting at their feet--not because Treasure Planet was fated to be a failure from inception, or that 2D animation is intrinsically inferior to 3D and/or is less interesting to small children because it’s just older if that were the case and frankly, that point about kids and 3D and preference...well, Paw Patrol isn’t every kid’s show in existence, there are 2D animated kid’s shows, and Pixar would never have bothered researching Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin for wordless language while making Wall-E.

[theserpentsadvocate]

Alrighty, pick any combination of these for the meme: Dumbledore, Grindelwald, Percival Graves, Hengist of Woodcroft, and Celeborn (I know you said you're not a big fan of his, so this one's extra optional. I would be interested in hearing your thoughts on him, though, even if they're negative.)

Sorry it took so long. In my defense, this is long.

Aaaand in my defense about that… yeah, I’ve got nothing, I’m just like this.

Sorry about the lack of Tolkien ranting, it’s mostly meh-ing instead. There’s some ranting in the Grindelwald section, though. XD

Dumbledore

What I like about them

Okay, I love red hair, and Dumbledore in his younger years (like middle age) with his loooong auburn hair and his loooong auburn beard just does it for me a purely aesthetic way. Like I would sit and stare at him for hours.

What I dislike about them

There’s the ordinary list, manipulation and self-righteousness and the Grindelwald debacle, but honestly the biggest thing is Snape. I don’t care honestly what bullshit excuse there was, YOU DON’T EMPLOY ABUSIVE TEACHERS, like if he really has to be at Hogwarts give him some administrative position or some shit.

Favourite moment

The bit after Umbridge fires Trelawney and is trying to kick her out, and Dumbledore tells her that she can fire whoever she wants but she can’t make them leave the castle.

Least favourite moment

His opening line when he meets Harry in the nebulous train station afterlife place makes me cringe a little bit. It’s probably 100% me, but it feels… trite, and uncomfortable, and honestly like something my mom would say, which is probably the real reason why I hate it.

A situation with this character that I want to see explored more

I’d really love to see his relationship and/or interactions with Aberforth explored more. (Not by JKR. She needs to drop HP like a hot potato and MOVE BACK.)

An interesting AU for this character

Somewhere on my computer I have half a rantfic about the premise where Regulus became Dumbledore’s spy instead of Snape, and while it’s 500% about my Regulus feels, there’s some interesting stuff in there about Dumbledore, specifically how the dynamic changes when his spy is someone who has

actually renounced

Voldemort and isn’t just out for personal gain/revenge.

A crossover

I’m really not a huge crossover person, honestly, but I guess it would be interesting to see how he’d fare in Discworld?

OTP (or OT3+ etc…. just… favourite ship)

The only person I really ship him with is Grindelwald, and I’m often ambivalent about that.

Other ships?

Nah.

BROTP

With McGonagall, probably.

NOTP

Dumbledore/Harry. Gag me.

An assortment of headcanons!

-He liked Elphias Doge, but never really considered him the kind of friend that Elphias considered him. Elphias was convenient and pleasant and somewhat in awe of him, but he never really considered them to be on the same level.

Grindelwald

What I like about them

I imagine he was incredibly attractive.

What I dislike about them

Well, there was the part where he thought people like me were second-class citizens who needed to be ruled over by people like him for our own good, so.

Also, Johnny Depp. Ugh.

Favourite moment

When he told Voldemort off. That was epic and really poignant.

Least favourite moment

Ariana Dumbledore’s death is painful to think about.

A situation with this character that I want to see explored more

What did he do in Nuremburg? What exactly led to his… I don’t know, change of heart? Greater self-knowledge? Changed perspective? that he demonstrates when he’s talking to Voldemort? I want to know what kind of introspection happened there.

An interesting AU for this character

Here’s an idea, what if he was played by literally anyone other than Johnny Depp?

A crossover

Yeah, I got nothing.

OTP (or OT3+ etc…. just… favourite ship)

I ship him with Dumbledore sometimes.

Other ships?

Not really.

BROTP

Erm. He doesn’t really interact with anyone in canon aside from the Dumbledores, Bathilda, and Voldemort, so I guess Dmbledore again? Only not. I’m interested in it; I don’t support it.

NOTP

With Voldemort? I’ve never seen it, but I just generally assume everyone gets shipped with Voldemort. Fandom is strange.

No, wait! Grindelwald/Johnny Depp.

An assortment of headcanons!

-He’s blond.

-When he was younger he had a small trim beard.

Percival Graves

I have not actually seen FBaWtFT. I was already kind of done with the extra material by then and I’m still not at a point where I can watch movies with Johnny Depp in them without feeling sick to my stomach (although it’s improved). I will watch it at some point, though.

Hengist of Woodcroft

What I like about them

There’s a lot of room for fanon interpretations.

What I dislike about them

Even before she started This Shit ™, I was always… dubious about Rowling’s extracanonical material - fourteen-year-old Riley was firmly of the opinion that if you didn’t put it in the books, you couldn’t call it canon. (Although obviously it was optional for fans to use.) I still pretty much think that, and sometimes I feel boxed in by interview/extra material canon, which results in a… complicated relationship with characters who are optionally canon. (Full disclosure, I know who he is and that he found Hogsmeade, and I basically ignore everything else.)

Favourite moment

The founding of Hogsmeade is obviously a highlight.

Least favourite moment

???? Did he… do anything else, canonically?

A situation with this character that I want to see explored more

So, how did the founding of Hogwarts and the founding of Hogsmeade coincide? (No, ignore whatever Rowling said.) Did one come first? Was Hogwarts taking advantage of an all-magical town, or did Hogsmeade originate as a sort of wizarding college town? Does one predate the other by a few generations, and how did the development of the latter influence the older institution? If they were at roughly the same time, what were his relationships like with the founders, as a group and individually? If they were more spaced out, how did the founders interact with his legacy, or vice versa?

An interesting AU for this character

Depending on your definition of canon, a bunch of what I mentioned above could be considered an AU. Off the top of my head, erm - oh, I think @iceberg-hootenanny said something about an outer space AU, I could actually go for that. Maybe he’s setting up the first real settlement on Mars or Genesis or Xenon 5 or something.

A crossover

Yeah, I dunno.

OTP (or OT3+ etc…. just… favourite ship)

I have no ships for him until just now, but totally off-the-wall, what if he’s Rowena’s husband?

Other ships?

I usually ship primarily intra-founders pairings, but what the hell, let’s throw Hengist in the mix.

BROTP

Idk, I feel like he could have a particularly jocular commitment to Creating New Things! and Achieving Your Goals! that I also ascribe to certain versions of Godric, so that might go over well.

NOTP

I think my standard NOTP with HP characters who I’ve never heard of ships for is going to be That Person/Voldemort. :) It’s a good catch-all answer.

An assortment of headcanons!

-He had brown hair and a beard.

-Usually carried a staff or walking stick.

Celeborn

What I like about them

Okay, so I generally focus on the fact that he was kind of snippy to Gimli, but let’s be fair here - he apologizes. Especially given the depths of Elf-Dwarf racism (and don’t get me wrong here, in their long and complicated history it is my firm opinion that the Dwarves got the worst of it and the Elves are more at fault) and his personal unpleasant experiences, that’s not a small thing.

What I dislike about them

Honestly - and I’m fully prepared, if not resigned, to be crucified for this - I almost exclusively find the Sindar really boring.

Favourite moment

Again, probably that apology.

Least favourite moment

I’ve always found the extended goodbye scene with the swan boat kind of unnecessary and boring, tbh. *wince*

A situation with this character that I want to see explored more

What the fuck was he doing during the whole Fourth Age after Galadriel left? When did he eventually go to Eressea? He did eventually go to Eressea, right?

An interesting AU for this character

It’s not an AU, per se, but it would be interesting to see his reactions to whatever was going to happen in Return of the Shadow.

A crossover

With Sesame Street. :)

OTP (or OT3+ etc…. just… favourite ship)

I’m boring and like canon pairings, insofar as I’m invested.

Other ships?

Are there other ships with Celeborn? I’ve actually never seen any.

BROTP

I’m tempted to say Mablung, but that’s essentially because I will shoehorn Mablung into any fucking content I can manage. I guess Gandalf is the obvious choice? (Can I say Galadriel? I think the non-romantic aspects of their relationship might be interesting, insofar as I’m interested.)

NOTP

Someone inform me what the non-canon Celeborn ships are; I don’t know any.

An assortment of headcanons!

-He used to hang out with Luthien. They weren’t super close, but they were low-key buddies.

[thegayhimbo]

@noncanonfan​ asked: “I'd love to hear your takes on Jason Stackhouse for the ask thing.”

Will do! 🙂

Jason Stackhouse:

Why I like them: He’s one of my favorite himbos in media! 🥰 But even with that, there’s a lot I love about him. He’s hilarious at times, he works to be a good brother for Sookie, he brave and loyal and willing to put himself in danger for the people he loves, he can be genuinely sweet, he does have a selfless and caring side underneath, he’s willing to re-evaluate his stance on the supernatural, he does have some good insights at times (even if he isn’t fully aware of it), and he does strive to be a better person. His character development was one of my favorite things about the show.

Why I don’t: There are times he can be callow and insensitive, but I’ve never believed it was out of maliciousness. He has also made some pretty bad decisions, but then again, what character hasn’t? True Blood is NOT a show where I look for moral purity in characters.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): So many great moments. Rescuing Sookie and Eric from FOTS with a paintball gun, saving Sam from Maryann’s followers by playing “The God Who Comes,” killing Franklin when he was about to murder Tara, saving Jessica from walking out into the sun, his interactions with Sookie and Jessica...............he had a lot of great scenes. My favorite episode of his is a tie between “Timebomb” (season 2, episode 8) and “I Will Rise Up” (season 2, episode 9). 

Favorite season/movie: He was great in most of the seasons he was in, except maybe for season 1 (but he still had his moments there as well). For me, it’s a tie between season 2, season 4, and season 5. I like his FOTS story in season 2 and his attempts to save the town from Maryann later on. I also liked how he bonded with Sookie and Jessica in the later seasons, and worked to protect other people from all the supernatural chaos that was going on. 

Favorite line: So many good lines!

1.)  “It's like if a tree falls in the woods it's still a tree, ain't it? The whole point of being a hero is doing something greater than yourself.”

2.) “When you love someone, you gotta love it all. Otherwise, it ain’t love!”

3.) “People are always tryin’ to fuck up other people’s lives by tellin’ lies about ‘em. You wanna really fuck someone’s life up? Tell the truth about them. They ain’t ever gonna be the same.”

Favorite outfit: He’s naked most of the time, lol! 😂 But in all seriousness, he’s one of those characters who looks good in anything. 

OTP: I’m splitting this between toxic OTP and Non-Toxic OTP since Jason’s relationships with women have been...........messy.

Toxic OTP: Amy/Jason. I know that Amy was NOT a nice person, and this relationship was a train-wreck, but I was still morbidly fascinated with it. Jason did genuinely love Amy, and I think Amy did love Jason in a twisted sort of way. Again, not a healthy relationship, but it was an interesting one.

Non-Toxic OTP: Jason/Brigette. I know it was brief and only happened in the last 2 episodes, but I did genuinely like their interactions and how they take the time to get to know each other without automatically jumping into sex. I wish Brigette had been introduced earlier though, and they had built up this relationship through season 7.

Brotp: Sookie and Jason + Andy and Jason. I love Sookie and Jason’s sibling relationship. I love how there was character development there, and how they both became supportive and protective of each other.  Same goes for Andy and Jason. They didn’t start out great, but they developed a bromance by the end of the series that I loved.

Head Canon: I always believed Jason was secretly bisexual or bi-curious, and that the V brought those subconscious feelings out of him (including maybe some homoerotic feelings for Hoyt, who wasn’t a vampire), but was always in denial about being attracted to men because of how homophobic/biphobic southern culture is. Also, I headcanon that he owns several pairs of pink boxer briefs, and that pink is his favorite color!

Unpopular opinion: I think Jason’s stupidity is often taken out-of-context by most of this fandom, and he actually can be insightful at times, or even improvise in a dangerous situation (such as playing “The God Who Comes” to save Sam from Maryann’s followers, or creating a makeshift spear to stake Felton from a tree). That, and he’s actually willing to re-evaluate his perspectives and opinions on things, which no truly stupid person would ever do. Also, I think there were times Jason had valid reasons to dislike vampires (namely that vampires have kidnapped, tortured, raped, drained, and murdered humans in cold-blood, and that they either aren’t remorseful about it or they actively try to cover up their atrocities.)

A wish: I wish there had been more interactions between Sookie and Jason. I also wish Jason’s relationships with Crystal and Violet never happened, and that he was unable to undo some of the bad mistakes/choices he made. From a meta perspective, I wish that fans would give him credit for when he does something right, and for trying to grow as a person. I also wish certain fans would stop taking his words/actions out-of-context to justify hating him. 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen:  In terms of the reboot, I really hope they don’t make Jason like his book-counterpart (who was not a likable character), and that they keep the Sookie/Jason relationship the same from the original show. I have no interest in seeing their relationship from the books (which was unpleasant).

5 words to best describe them: Sexy, Brave, Flawed, Funny, Loyal

My nickname for them: Himbo Warrior

[keiths-stupid-mullet]

Do you have recommendations for a Klance slowburn fic? (Doesn't really matter if it's an AU)

Friend f r i e n d it’s been ages since I actually got to sit down and read a fic but I’ve read lots of them in the past so you definitely came to the right person :P (I actually wrote one of my own; it’s called Magic Me Some Love and is about Galra!Keith/Magician!Lance in a medieval fantasy setting, if you’re into that.)

Now. Slow burn klance fics that aren’t on pretty much every fic rec list out there already with a minimum of either 60k words or that are unfinished still:

Ignorance Is Bliss by YouAreInAComaWakeUp

As it turns out, learning that your house is haunted makes the ghosts a lot more aggressive. Who knew?Ah, well. At least one of them is hot. And he’s the less-evil one, too, so that’s always a plus.

>> R E A D  I T  IT’S SO MUCH MORE THAN YOUR AVERAGE GHOST FIC JUST- JUST DO IT JUST ONE CHAPTER D O I T– JS UT FKCIN G D O IOT- -

The Message by Shipstiel

Keith is texted by accident by some idiot one day, and honestly he’s not even sure why he responds. Or why he keeps responding. Yet somehow he finds himself drawn in, and okay, so maybe this fool is mildly entertaining after all. Who would’ve thought.

>>wrong number AU with an extra dash of angst. But if you’ve read any of the other fics this author has written you’ll know that they specialize in fluff and that absolutely shines through in the fic^^

Quest for Altea by fandomlicious

20 years after the legendary sword Voltron was drawn from its stone by Queen Allura, it is stolen and eventually lost in the dangerous Balmeran Forest. To prevent the rogue knight Zarkon, his witch companion Haggar and their army of Galra warriors from claiming the sword and conquering all of Altea, it falls to Lance, with the help of a dark-haired hermit, to embark on the treacherous journey, save his kingdom and reunite his broken family.

>>if you don’t mind OCs that you get to know throughout the fic taking on a more important role, you should totally check out this fic. It’s plot heavy and reads like a published novel :D

Foreign Scenes by bwyn

Lance has been dreaming of travelling since the first time he heard stories from his family as a child. Now, having finally the time and money to do it, he goes on a trip to Europe to see some of the most culturally rich cities on the continent. Except he keeps bumping into the same guy over and over again, in random cities, doing stupid shit, and ultimately dragging Lance into his trouble, too.

>>it’s one of the few fics that I haven’t read personally yet and still won’t hesitate to recommend. lots of my friends have read and praised it, apparently it’s fluffy and fun. it’s absolutely on my to read list :D

Crossroads by manamune

When Keith crashed his Lion into a Galra warship in order to stop it from destroying a solar system, and more importantly, his friends, he was fully prepared to die for it.What he didn’t prepare for was to wake up in an alternate universe where he and Lance were dating.

>>this one. if you haven’t read it yet, go read it. it was my fav voltron fic for a long long time!!!! it’s got it all, plot, romance, character development, realistic amounts of angst- it’s very very good. 

Drive It Like You Mean It by Zizzani

The Castle of Lions is the venue for the city’s most dangerous illegal street races where drivers come to test the cut of their tires. Lance has long defended his title as champion, but when a newcomer shows up and threatens his position things take an interesting turn.

>>not into cars and street racing AUs? neither am i, my friend, and yet this is one of the best voltron fics i’ve read. trust me when i tell you that you want to read everything written by this author.

Sharps and Accidentals by Zizzani (! unfinished!)

Keith is a talented up and coming violin virtuoso. Lance hates him immediately.Or an AU in which Lance and Keith both attend the same music university. Keith is deaf. Lance is Trying™.

>>if there is one deaf!AU you should read then it’s this one. it’s really amazing all around - i’ve been following it since 2016 and i still always get excited over e-mail updates.

Ghost of the Future / Shadow of the Past by wittyy_name & Zizzani (! unfinished!)

When Lance is thrown through time, his future self from one year ahead is transported to the past in his place.-When Lance is thrown through time, he finds himself one year in the future, in place of the Lance that should be here.

>>WHEN I SAW THAT THESE TWO WRITERS WOULD COLLAB ON A FIC I NEARLY DIED BRUH THESE MIRROR FICS ARE AMAZE JUST LIKE THEIR OTHER FICS

Stick It by noussommeslessquelettes

After a run-in with the law, former national phenom turned delinquent Keith Kogane is forced to return to the regimented world of elite gymnastics, facing old foes and new challenges.

>>!!!!!!!!!! it’s such a good fic!! based on such a good movie!!!!! i’m kinda upset that not more people have read it, it’s good, give it a try, it won’t disappoint^^

Not That Bad by varelsen

A college AU featuring coffee shops, silly rivalries, motorcycles, arcade games, friendships, and lots of warm, fluffy feelings that are both confusing and delightful all at the same time.

>>the summary nails it. also starring socially anxious!keith but despite that he seems pretty in character. it’s amazing and i really love this author’s style of writing :D

He Who Fights Monsters by magisterpavus

In a world where monstrous dragons terrorize humanity daily, the Garrison trains valiant Knights to slay the evil beasts and defend Earth. But when Knight cadet Lance Espinosa is kidnapped by a strange red dragon who kills its own kind, certain truths are revealed…and so are the true monsters.

>>dragon au i repeat dragon au this is not a drill everyone - this fic!!! is freaking!!!! amazing!!!!!!! it’s in my top 5 minimum go try it out :D

Altea High by Lixie (! unfinished!)

Go back to school they said. It’ll be fun they said. Yeah, sure. It’s tons of fun scaling lava walls, accidentally setting things on fire, and being babysat by the school’s flirt.When Lance signed up (*cough* bribed *cough*) to show the new firebug around the school he thought it would be a piece of cake. He did not anticipate the sour attitude, spontaneous explosions, intimate moments in elevators…

>>the sky high au you always knew you needed :D it’s still in the very early stages but the fic is really fun so far!!

Blue Shells and Comic Books by SonofHades (! unfinished!)

Lance has too much time on his hands, Keith doesn’t have enough. Lance leans more towards being outgoing and sociable, while Keith keeps to himself and can be mostly unpleasant. Neither think they have anything in common. What they don’t realize, however, is that there happens to be a very popular graphic novel that connects them together. Lance happens to be an avid reader and Keith just happens to secretly be the author.

>>another fic i’m super pumped for oh my god. each new chapter mail has me grinning like a maniac. the waiting between updates is suffering but all worth it in the end. it’s fun and interesting and i love it!

Flirting With Death by drippingpen (! unfinished!)

Keith commits the ultimate taboo as a grim reaper: he saves a life.More specifically, he saves Lance’s life.Now they are forever linked, unable to survive without the other. Keith must protect Lance from the forces that are trying to right Keith’s wrong and kill Lance.

>>skdfghjksfhgdksjfhgjfjd i cannot describe it. the plot is really amazing and keith and lance are so attracted to each other but they can’t kiss because that would literally kill lance. it belongs to the top most interesting voltron fics out there :D

in your shoes by lydiamartin (! unfinished!)

The one where Keith and Lance live in different cities but swap bodies – and angry love notes – multiple times a week.

>>Kimi No Na Wa (your name) AU!!!! so basically anything but your typical body switch AU :P give it a try, you will be surprised by it, especially if you haven’t seen the movie.

Of Lions And House Cats by Ms_Towa (! unfinished!)

Keith is a superhero who’s been pining after the cute boy who works at the music shop across the street from HQ. He also doesn’t know that the cute boy is the same vigilante he wants to bring to justice.

>>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all the chapters are insanely long but they’re all worth it. the plot develops rather slowly but it’s perfect as it is :P the slowest of burns. despite that it never made me lose interest in it so definitely go check it out if you have multiple hours of nothing to do!! :D

I’m gonna stop here because this list is already insanely long but it is faaaaaar from finished, believe me. This fandom produces so many good fics I can’t keep up with it ; - ;

[thesublemon]

Narrative Domestication

To be human is to domesticate. To take the places that we live in and the things that we use and stamp them with the badge of human compatibility. Including stories.

A domesticated story is not necessarily nice (or too nice), although niceness is sometimes a side-effect of domestication. Rather, a domesticated story, like a domesticated anything, is one that is optimized to facilitate humans being human in an object-level sort of way. Stories that tell you what is cool. Stories that tell you what is good. Stories that tell you facts. Stories meant to physically and emotionally soothe. Stories meant to hang out in rather than to abstract something.

This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I like hanging out with imaginary people in imaginary places. I like comfort and familiarity. But it can be hard to notice when an artwork is addressing object-level problems instead of something else. Because we exist as physical, object-level people, of course we're going to find object-level problems that concern us interesting in the basic sense of "holding our interest." A bear attack may not be abstractly interesting in the sense of "complex" or "novel", but if a bear is attacking me I'll hardly be bored. That bear will have 100% of my attention. Similarly, a friend's gossip or a facebook post or a lurid article are absorbing because they're giving me information about my social context. Watching a TV show because an actor is cute has nothing to do with the TV show and everything to do with sexual attraction.

What do domesticated stories look like? Sitcoms, often. Maybe prototypically. Sitcoms are meant to be good to sit in, day after day, like a narrative living room. Sitcom characters are meant to be endearing and sitcom jokes are meant not just to be funny, but tell us what is normal to find funny. In Friends it's funny that Ross's wife is gay. In Sex and the City it's funny that anyone would even possibly find watersports hot. It's funny that characters eat melting ice cream from a giant container when they're sad. The implications being that 1) having a gay wife is kind of shameful, 2) liking piss is kind of shameful, 3) being sad in other ways is kind of shameful. These things aren't overt, but why else would the writers assume that you would laugh?

It's understandable to me that people feel so strongly about having sitcoms or sitcom-like shows about their demographic. Why did The Cosby Show or Fresh Prince feel important? Switched at Birth? Fresh Off The Boat? These kinds of shows don’t simply put unknown faces on TV, they again, make them normal. Hell, Modern Family did it explicitly. “Update your concept of family” that title says. When I see characters in show like Parks and Recreation being bumbling or depressed, I think: okay, I've gotten a message about which ways of being incompetent are cute now. I think: If I posted a gif of that scene with a hashtag that said "#me" then other people would say "#same". People like Barney Stinson and Tom Haverford are deeply unpleasant in real life, but sitcoms domesticate them. They give them a place in our social model of the world.

And this is all fine. Good, often. But it’s a fundamentally social, object-level purpose.

The problem with object-level purposes is that unless your entire audience is also being attacked by a bear, they will find your art about how to survive a bear attack boring. Unless your entire audience is also obsessed with Kirk/Spock they will probably find your Star Trek fic boring. You often stop finding teen media interesting when you stop being a teen not necessarily because that media is less mature but because you no longer need to survive the bear attack of knowing what teenagers find cool.

This is not to say that specificity is boring. If you're telling a story about the emotion of a traumatic circumstance, or how you dealt with the conflicting pressures it put you under, of course you need to be specific. If you're telling a story set during the War of 1812, it will probably help if you know some things about the War of 1812. Similarly, this is not to say that modeling people is boring, or archetypes are boring. What makes archetypal modeling and artistic detail more narratively "feral" is the fact that they are starting points rather than ending points. Archetypes are skeletons and details are brushstrokes. Whereas Liz Lemon is a complete slice of pizza from the social role smorgasbord.

Sitcoms are an extreme of domestication. So is political or propagandistic art. But I originally started writing this post because I watched the first X-Men movie and I asked myself: why did this feel so much better than the forced wit of present day Marvel? Why don't I like Steven Universe? Why do I get uncomfortable when people watch movies solely to have in-jokes about the fact that they're bad? Because when I asked myself "is this thing solving an artistic problem or is it solving people problem?" the answer was mostly the latter. (The difference can be hard to pin down, sometimes: Is an artist subverting a trope to be impressive or are they subverting a trope because they're interested in how tropes work?)

I realize all the ways that this kind of talk makes me sound terribly unfun. My point is not really to deride domestication. I'm more interested in the fact that people like feral narrative as much as, if not more, than domesticated narrative. Much like pornographic scenarios are fantasies inspired by real-life events, domestication is something like social porn of real-life behavior. It solves an immediate problem. Porn is the fetishization and real-life is the fetish object. Hangingoutness is the fetishization and stories are the fetish object. But although the hyperstimulus of pornographic things is satisfying and safe, it depends on the existence of original stimulus for its fuel. The irony is that it is often the very distance of things from fetish that creates such an ache to fetishize them. Things like The Lord of the Rings are oil lamps of fandom that have burned for half a century, but they were hardly designed to be that way. The point is not that burning oil is bad, but that eventually it runs out.

[castielsbeelove]

Lucifer x Prophet!Reader Chapter Two

Warnings: Most likely cursing, blood and gore

Pairing: Lucifer x Reader

Fandom: Supernatural

Notes: YOU FINALLY MEET YOUR BABE YAY

The next day you tried to forget. You locked all your doors and windows, closed your blinds and turned off all the lights. It was hard to drink and eat. It was hard not to cry, scream, call the police. But with what you just saw, and if you were honest with the police, you’d be locked up in the loony bin.

It took you weeks to go out in public. And when you did, you regretted it. You regretted stepping outside your door and walking down the street. You regretted walking into the bookstore, because as soon as you did you noticed the windows seemed the be getting brighter.

“(Y/N), is it?” A man in a suit approached you with a nigerian accent.

You backed up slowly to the exit door. “Who are-” “Timis.” He said and smiled. “Pleased to meet you, would you like to come with me?”

“No, I wouldn’t.” You said slowly and edged backwards to the door. “I know what you are and what you want, go away, don’t touch me.”

He chuckled at that and walked to you. “Listen sweetheart, I’m just doing my job. I don’t want to hurt you, well, I don’t not want to hurt you-”

The thought occurred to you then, and you started to pray. Castiel? Nope, no answer? Gabriel? Nope, just silence. Raphael? Silence as well. That left you with one choice. ‘Lucifer, please help me, I think I’m in trouble…’ You prayed silently and before you could finish books started falling off of the bookshelves. People gasped and then started screaming once the windows shattered. The demon looked around, unimpressed.

“Really? You think a little angel magic will scare me?” He snorted and grabbed you roughly by the arm. Suddenly his hand, still on your wrist, started slowly burning away. It didn’t hurt you but it sure as hell hurt him. He dropped to the ground, cradling his wrist, and the red glowing heat slowly spread up his arm. All inside of him was pain, his meat suit’s skin being turned inside out and his bone marrow being turned into acid. All you could do was watch as he turned into dust.

The room stopped shaking and everyone stopped screaming. They were sobbing, calling 911 and running out of the store. You just stood there for a moment, looking up at the ceiling before running out of the bookstore and back home.

It was night when you considered the thought. You couldn’t eat or sleep, you could barely drink water. For some reason you didn’t want to see Castiel. You wanted to see the archangel that was protecting you.

So you sat at your dining room table, leaving all the lights off to make it seem more welcoming. You sat in a chair, taking a deep breath and attempting to tuck your hair behind your ear. “Lucifer.” You said the word in an exhale, like you were finally admitting to yourself that he was the one watching over you. “Thank you today, for saving me. Thank you.” You said, picking at your fingers and looking at the dark surrounding you. “I’d like to meet you.” It felt like you’d just admitted a lie, anxiety building in your chest as you waited for something to happen. “I promise I won’t like, try to hurt you or anything. I… just want to meet you.”

A flicker of flame.

One of your candles on your dining room table lit up, barely illuminating the room in a soft, warm and orange glow. I felt warm, safe and euphoric. You instantly smiled and closed your eyes, the feeling in the room making your body seem to melt in sweet soft pleasure. “Lucifer?” You opened your eyes, not seeing anyone in the room with you. You got your senses back and you dropped your smile. “Are you there? Or is this someone else…” The thought made you scared, goosebumps rising on your skin and back.

The silence killed you. It was silent for minutes, but it felt like hours. You sat in the chair, waiting patiently (somewhat) for something to happen. Anything.

Then it did.

A body appeared in the chair across from you. The attractiveness of the body instantly got you alert, but it wasn’t only that. It was his presence. It was cold. So much colder than earlier. But it wasn’t an unpleasant cold, it was pure and clean, holy. He smiled softly, his blue eyes locking with yours.

“Hello, (Y/N).” He said softly, his voice smooth and comforting. It captivated you and you couldn’t help but smile back to him.

“So, you’re my…” You weren’t how to say it without offending him. “Guardian angel?”

He smiled at that, looking down at the wood table where his hands lay. He looked back up to you and shook his head slowly. “I’m not your guardian angel. There is no such thing.”

“Then-?” You were confused. Why was he protecting you?

“You are a prophet, you know that.” He started, looking you straight in the eyes. His gaze was so intense you didn’t even notice the cold bumps all over your body. “An archangel is chosen to protect that prophet from everything. Demons, angels, monsters, even other humans. That archangel was me. I’m sorry if you aren’t pleased-” He said the word like it was a burden. “With the archangel assigned to you. I have no control over it. Higher power. Either MIchael or God.”

It was a lot to take in, but you had pretty much processed most of the information earlier that month when Castiel explained it to you. “Michael? The archangel? Nevermind, dumb question. So, there’s no reason?” You asked and noticed you wanted to be closer to him, you were drawn to his presence.

“There is a reason, but I do not know it.” He said and glanced around your house. His blue eyes landed back on yours. “Humans.” He said and glanced to the poster of a t.v show on your living room wall. You blushed at that, embarrassed as hell.

“Oh, yeah, you hate humans. Forgot. Sorry you got assigned me.” You said in a low tone and pinched your hand. He probably was disgusted by you. Why shouldn’t he be, he was third in command of the entire universe and you were a mere human. A mouse compared to a lion.

He didn’t react, just kept his eyes on yours. “I do hate humans. Yes. But the bond we share, it doesn’t allow me to have negative feelings to you. In simple terms, I don’t hate you. I will protect you from any harm, and do my best to make you happy. Even though that isn’t required.”

“Isn’t required? Then why do it?” You laughed at that. This was all confusing and stupid. It made you want to cry. Normality seemed like a golden liquid now.

Lucifer just shrugged, smirking. “I like to think I’m a nice angel. And we are, somewhat… bonded.” He looked as if he was struggling for the word. He leaned back in his chair, looking around again. “Quite a nice house you got-”

“Why am I a prophet? Why me? What does ‘God’, or whatever, want from me?” You interrupted him with a shout and stood up. For a moment you forgot he was satan and just saw him as a person to vent to. He looked at you with a calm expression, letting you shout until you were done.

“To answer your first question…” He said slowly, leaning forwards so his elbows were on the table. “I don’t know. No one knows but God. To answer your second question, read back to answer one. And third, all of the above.”

You sat back down and but your head on the table, your arms cradling yourself. “Why do demons want to hurt me?”

“Demons.” Lucifer sighed, rolling his eyes. “Nasty little things. But some of them are good for following orders. Devoted to their father-” He pointed to himself. “But some are rebels, they choose to follow this new false ‘king’-” He did air quotes. “Named Crowley. He’s just a regular old demon with a few tricks up his sleeve. The demon that tried to get to you in the bookstore, that was one of Crowley’s. He wants you to decode this stupid demon tablet thing. It’s nonsense. And God decided that for some reason-” He said this angrily like he was mad at God for doing so. “I should be the one protecting you. I haven’t had a prophet to protect in billions of years.”

You kept your head down on the table and couldn’t help but sniff. You still felt like a mouse in front of a lion.

Lucifer leaned forwards on the table, looking at you. “Hey.” He said, nudging your elbow. “What’s wrong with you?”

You couldn’t help but snort. “Nothing. I want to go to bed.” It was only 12:30 pm, so he knew that was a lie. You stood up, wiping the tears out from under your eyes, and began walking to your room. You didn’t bother locking your front door, you had an archangel protecting you. You’d be fine.

Thankfully, he didn’t follow you. He just left your house, silently, disappearing like something from a movie. You laid glumly on your bed, on your side, trying to process things. Was this a good thing? No. Was it necessarily a bad thing? No. You just… wished for it to be normal again.

Things were calm for the next few weeks. No buildings crumbling around you and no random people grabbing you in the streets. You continued working in your shop, reading people’s fortunes and telling them their future.

A woman walked in, the bell above your shop door jingling. You looked up from your front table and smiled politely. Wow, she was gorgeous, the face of an angel. She long curly red hair put up into a bun. “Good evening! How may I help you?” You said cheerfully, but it was forced.

She grinned back at you. “I’d like you to tell me my future. I applied for a job at Apple, and I want to know if I’ll be accepted.”

You internally rolled your eyes. You didn’t get to pick and choose what you saw. But you smiled anyways and led her to your table alter after taking the $100 from her. You charged so much because people knew your fortunes and visions were always right.

She sat down in a chair and you sat in front of her, taking her hands into yours. They were cold. She just smiled wickedly at your surprise. You closed your eyes and cleared your mind, focusing on the feeling coming from her skin. And then the visions hit you. Blood, a head was cut off. It was stitched back on. It was her head. Then you saw the future. She was in flames, covered in flames, screaming in agony.

In shock you yanked your hands back. “Abaddon.” You whispered and stood up. A demon. You doubted she worked for Lucifer.

She shrugged. “I prefer Queen. Queen of Hell. Earth. Everything.” She stood up. “And I hear you have some tricks up your sleeve. So tell me little girl, will I get what I want? I want everything.”

You shook your head and backed up slowly, fear running through your veins. She was going to hurt you. Where was Lucifer? ‘Please Lucifer, I need you.’ You prayed as you continued to back up until your back hit a shelf, knocking a few crystals off of it. She prowled towards you, smirking. How did you think she was so pretty before? She was hideous, her face was twisted black and was covered with horns. Destruction.

“No?” She said in a fake sad tone, tilting her head and pouting her lips. “I don’t?” She asked and walked to you, her hand clasping around your throat. “I’ve had a very, very stressful day.” Her fingers tightened painfully, her red painted nails digging roughly into your skin. “And I know you have some good psychic powers. So, little girl, can you see what I’m about to do to you?” She whispered in your ear, her breath hot and painful. You closed your eyes tightly and prayed harder. Yes, you saw it. You saw your organs covering your cute little shop. Your fingers scattered around the room like eggs on easter.

You just nodded, tears leaking out of your eyes as you felt her nails break the skin on your neck. Blood trickled slowly down to your collarbone and she dipped her head, drawing out her thin tongue to taste it. She hummed in satisfaction and looked up into your eyes. “I just love taking out my anger on innocent sweethearts like you. Knowing you did nothing to deserve the pain you’re about to endure.” She hummed and threw her hand to the side. An invisible force threw you across the room. You landed on a pile of unused amythyst, the sharp pieces of crystal cutting into your back and thighs. You cried out in pain and tried your best to crawl away.

But Abaddon was having none of that. She reached her hand out and you slowly rose into the air, your feet leaving the ground. “Lucifer, please!” You screamed out as loud as you could, your voice strained and your hands at your throat. She was choking you without even touching you.

Suddenly you fell to the ground. You landed back down on your crystals, earning you more cuts and stab wounds, but it was better than hanging mid-air.

You didn’t see it happen, but you heard it. You heard the wet noise of limbs being torn apart, skin being ripped from her body, and her screams. God, they weren’t human. You put your bloodied hands over your ears and wept, begging for it to be over. You wanted to be safe at home in bed with your pets. With your kitten named Keanu, your toy chow chow named Cujo and your ball python Khal. You just wanted to be home.

And just like that it was over. You were picked up into cold arms and then you were back to your house. You heard police sirens in the distance and knew they’d be looking for you. Your life was over.

He set you down on your bed. The blood stained your sheets. You looked up at him through teary eyes, barely able to make out his figure. He put two fingers on your forehead and healed you, all of your pain gone. All of your physical pain, that is.

He kneeled beside you, pulling the hair out of your face. “I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier, I was deep in…” He trailed off and sighed. “I promise, I’ll never let anything like that happen again. I’ll stay by your side, if that makes you feel any better.” Lucifer didn’t know too many things about human emotions and all that, he was trying his best. Normally he would say, screw God and his plans. But you were tied to him and him you. Not even his hatred for his father would allow him to stand aside while you were killed.

“Yes, please.” You said in a tired voice. “And get me away from here, I don’t want the police knocking on my door asking me questions I can’t answer.” You said and he smiled softly, nodding before touching your head again.

@multifandom-slytherin

[its-love-u-asshole]

hopping into puddles [Ch. 1]

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei/Kuroo Tetsurou

Summary: Tsukishima Kei has bad luck when it comes to a lot of things, mainly when it comes to love. In fact, if it were up to him, he wouldn’t be looking in the first place. But because of a curse brought upon him by his idiotic ancestors, his only hope for a normal life is to find someone who accepts him and his…particularly abnormal nose. Not that it’ll ever happen…

Or at least, that’s what he’s accepted.

Then Kuroo Tetsurou shows up.

Rating: T (will change later)

Warnings: None

Notes: FFFF Okay so I'm really excited to post this, I've been working on it for a few months *_* It's my first multichapter kurotsuki for this fandom so I'm nervous and proud lol. This fic is a Penelope AU, but you don’t need to have seen the movie to read it ^^ It’s also completely written, so it’ll update every Thursday! Please enjoy! Big thanks to @emeraldwaves for reading this over!

AO3 Version

Love wasn't a reality. Not for him anyways.

He'd learned that a long time ago.

Tsukishima Kei watched through the peephole in his room as laughing men piled into his grand home, taking seats in the spacious living room while his brother greeted them with paperwork and refreshments. Pens were passed out, and his dad gave the usual spiel about secrecy, and legal consequences, and blah, blah, blah. Kei squinted as his father finished talking, allowing the room to erupt into conversations that disrupted the familiar serenity and peace of his home. Obnoxious. Still, he looked. He always looked and listened. The edges of Kei's vision were curved and hazy due to the small opening, but it wasn't like he was nervous or unfamiliar with the sight on the other side of his door. He'd been doing this for years. He glanced down at his watch in disinterest, noting he had two minutes left.

Can we get this over with?

No, he knew his mother was strict about the schedule. Can't risk starting too early and missing out on any potential matches.

Ha fucking ha.

Kei watched in boredom as people began to talk amongst themselves, catching the occasional muffled phrase every now and again, hushed so as to not attract his own family's attention no doubt.

"How bad could it be right?"

"Marrying a Tsukishima is worth anything!"

"I'm curious."

"He'll be charmed by me in no time."

Boring. Stupid. Arrogant. In the end they would all run or curse in disgust when he finally did step out. They always did. Besides, even if they did stay, it wasn't like there was a high chance he'd actually like any of them. Cocky, selfish, that's how they all were. All the men from rich families.

Why did they have to do this anymore? He was twenty-two years old, obviously this method wasn't working. As much as he'd grown used to it, it was exhausting. To get up and get ready once a week, only to be rejected, and then spend the rest of his week cooped up in his house by himself. He wanted it to stop, there was no point anymore. Men and women alike had made it quite clear.

Tsukishima Kei was hideous, a monster. Love wasn't in his cards, and he didn't much care if it wasn't.

At the thought however, he caught sight of his mother through the hole, her head nodding in excitement and her eyes alight with a hope that never seemed to diminish even after so many failed attempts. She had faith someone would stay. She thought someone would look past his appearance and love him for who he was. She believed Kei was more than his face. Oh how wrong she was.

Kei loved his mom, really he did. He wasn't the most affectionate son or brother, but his family was important to him. It was just...they were different from him. They couldn't seem to let these things go. He didn't need someone to complete him, to save him. He wasn't helpless. He'd never fantasized about someone finally giving him the time of day and sweeping him off his feet.

Such thoughts were childish, unreliable.

So instead, he went along with these meetings for his family's sake, having to watch each time as their smiles dropped in sadness and disappointment while his stayed neutral, not surprised in the slightest. Kei looked away from the gathering as he watched his mother turn on the speakers in the living room, connecting with the mic in Kei's room so he could talk to everyone. He no longer wished to see the enthusiasm his parents and brother were parading around the room, so he pressed his face against the door, closing his eyes in frustration as the seconds ticked away. Already he was tired, and he pressed in harder, as if wishing for his face to flatten and for his problems to be gone.

He hissed when the hard, chipped wood irritated his nose, another reminder of its presence as a thorn in his side, in his life. At least if it was gone, he could go outside. He could see the world, romance be damned. I just want to go outside.

Slowly, he reached up to massage his nose, feeling along the ridges he'd become oh so used to, feeling along the unnatural curves. He could count them, one, two, three...

"Kei honey! Your guests are ready!" His mother's chipper voice reached him from the other side of the door, and he heaved a heavy sigh as he picked up the microphone. Her excitement almost made him feel like something would change, that today would be his turning point. But...

As he fumbled with the mic, flipping it on reluctantly, he caught his reflection in the mirror hanging on the left wall, and knew the day would be no different than any other.

See, love really wasn't a reality for him. It hadn't been from day one, all for one singular reason.

Tsukishima Kei was cursed with a lot of things; an unpleasant attitude, a smart mouth, general apathy...but perhaps the biggest was that everyday when he woke up and looked in the mirror, he was greeted with the face of a pig.

--

Kei didn't know his great grandfather. The man had been long dead when Kei was born, but Kei was pretty sure he hated the man.

This was his fault after all.

The Tsukishimas were a proud, esteemed family, they always had been. With an ample fortune and generosity, they were beloved by the public and held in high regards by other prominent families. Despite his large mansion and nice things though, Kei never felt like his family fit the common mold of blue bloods. They were too kind, altruistic, and enjoyed cooking, watching dumb movies, and spending time with their children. It was more than he could ask for really, since he wasn't one for lavish parties or socializing in general. They'd encouraged Akiteru in the same fashion. Kei's older brother had made a pretty good name for himself in the field of literature, befitting someone of his class, but it was his passion since childhood, and his parents had let him pursue it no questions asked, despite chances of failure. With Kei too, they were no different. His family accepted his reclusive nature, his love for reading and botany, and didn't push him to meet any of the expectations which were usually thrust upon young men from affluent families.

However, that didn't mean it had always been that way for the Tsukishimas.

Kei's great grandfather had been a noble through and through, popular with the women from rich families and the center of attention. He was subject to societal pressures and the scrutinizing eyes of his parents, and it had ended up being his undoing.

Or no, it hadn't. It had ended up being Kei's undoing. The old man himself had died in his sleep with little worries, despite his vices, and Kei couldn't help but resent the man.

When his grandfather was in his prime, he'd been one of the most eligible bachelors in society, handsome and charismatic, with many attractive prospects in regards to marriage. However, he'd been greedy.

His grandfather had decided to fool around with one of his servants, a young, poor man with an ill mother to support. Kei's grandfather probably thought it was no big deal, sleeping around and stringing along a poor worker, but he'd forgotten somehow that revenge favored no one, not even the rich. Short sighted, a trait Kei truly detested.

In the end, the servant expressed his love for the noble only to be rejected, and soon after, Kei's grandfather married a high class woman from the neighboring city, and the servant succumbed to his heartbreak and depression. In a fit of agony, the servant's mother plead with the gods and may have even dabbled in the forbidden arts (though that was probably some stupid rumor from the newspaper), in order to lay a curse upon the house of the Tsukishimas.

Of course, it was a myth. There's no telling whether or not Kei's condition was from a spell or a simple birth defect, but well...it was strange. The story itself was pretty tragic, and he'd thought so when he'd first heard it. Though, Kei couldn't say he understood the emotions behind the servant's actions. In the end, his love wasn't returned, but why let something stupid like rejection affect him so much? Emotions were reckless, Kei reasoned, and it was why he tended to shun them.

Further proof of why emotions were the root of evil was what happened after the servant's death.

Fueled with the pain of her son's rejection and scorned love, the old woman willed that the next son of the Tsukishima family be born with the face of a pig.

Simple really, and consequently the reason for Kei's current suffering, almost four generations later. Because life was a bitch and the universe seemed to hate Kei, who'd done nothing wrong, the Tsukishima family was blessed with a long line of girls. Daughters after daughters after fucking daughters.

Well, at least until Akiteru. The issue there was that Akiteru wasn't really a Tsukishima. At the time, Kei's mother and father had been struggling with getting pregnant, and the issue was traced back to Kei's mother. Rather than adopt, they opted for a surrogate in order to keep some of the bloodline in tact, and later on, Kei himself ended up being a happy accident.

Or, it had been happy, until he was actually born. With Akiteru not having a drop of Tsukishima blood, the first boy born to the family in several generations was Kei.

Kei, who inherited the curse as soon as he'd come into the world.

And so started his life of fruitless struggle and letting down his parents. Of course, his family had never made him feel different. They loved him. But...they tried in their own way to remedy the situation, never fully accepting it as the end all. After finding out that plastic surgery was out of the question (thanks curse), his family had resorted to actually giving into the stipulations of the legend.

According to the myth, the only way to break the spell on him, to get rid of his problems, was for one of noble birth to marry Kei.

Well, the actual wording was for "one of your own kind to accept you as their own," but same thing, put less cryptically.

Either way, Kei hated it. All this life, he'd been confined to his room by his parents, given that photographers and magazines everywhere had gotten wind of his supposed abnormality, and were all fighting for a picture, their big payday.

His parents were being protective, too protective for his tastes. In all honesty, Kei didn't care if people took pictures or saw him. What was the difference in being ridiculed by the general public, and being ridiculed in his own home by fleeing men who couldn't stand the sight of him? Which was worse? Kei had spent his whole childhood playing indoors, learning new languages, playing with old dinosaur figurines...alone. Not like Kei loved people, but...

Fresh air, gardens, parks, trips to the planetarium and the movies...

They were things he'd never been able to do, and that stung more than the rejection of a thousand suitors.

--

The first time his mother had brought up a matchmaking session, Kei had been only sixteen, and he'd been rather perplexed with the whole thing. He was still so young after all, way too young for the marriage the curse called for, but his mother wholeheartedly believed in building connections early, weeding out unlikely individuals and getting a sense of what Kei liked. Besides, his parents weren't against him making friends, they just wanted to supervise to make sure no one would be cruel to him.

Embarrassing really.

Back then, the matchmaking sessions were only comprised of one suitor, since his mother insisted it made things more intimate, and allowed people to get to know the real Kei, whatever the hell that meant.

"You're not your nose sweetheart, you have to show them that!" His mother exclaimed happily as she pulled out the clear file on the noble young man.

"But...it's my nose, it's part of me--"

"Honey please, that's nonsense! Now come on, he'll be here soon!"

When the day had actually arrived, Kei hadn't been too concerned with his suitor running away. He was naive then, not nearly as jaded and closed off as his personality was currently. He actually had hope at that point. Sure, he anticipated that the potential lovers would be somewhat surprised but...it was just his nose, or snout really. He didn't think his face was that bad, so surely he'd have to talk to some of them who managed to look past it. He hated to admit it, but he'd actually been nervous. Kei's palms had been clammy as he'd grasped the microphone that day, ready to greet an attractive stranger and possibly his future spouse from behind a door with a peephole in it. Really, the fact the he couldn’t introduce himself directly should’ve been his first indication things wouldn’t go well.

It was dumb, he had reasoned, to put so much hope into the first person, not to mention unrealistic. But...as much as he hated to admit it, all he'd wanted was to break the curse. So, naturally, part of him (the part that wasn't overly standoffish and uncaring), hoped someone would take a shine to him, despite his unpleasant nature.

Kei learned a lot of things that day. The first, was that people weren't genuine in the slightest.

The man was handsome, but he was quite boring in Kei's opinion. Kei wasn't the most socially gifted, he tended to snark, and his jibes often put people off, but he couldn't help his demeanor. He liked to be playful, to argue, to talk about science and music and weird movies, and be presented with a verbal challenge. Finding someone he could hold a decent conversation with was hard, especially with his standards and awkwardness, but this guy wasn't even trying.

It was like he was reading from a script, ignoring any attempt Kei gave him to engage in ways which made the blond actually happy.

"So, are you always this proper?" Kei snorted.

"What? Of course, as I was saying..."

Honestly, he should've known it would be a flop right then and there, but his mother was undoubtedly in the kitchen listening, smiling hopefully. He just had to try a little more.

"I saw that new horror movie online last night and--"

"You have time for that sort of thing? How...quaint, anyways..."

And he did try.

"I like gardening I guess, I have books on--"

"Gardening is usually done by the grounds workers, it's filthy work in my opinion, certainly not suitable for your hands, which I'm sure are lovely."

And tried.

"Have you ever been to an amusement park?"

"What? With all those common people?"

And tried some more, until he wanted nothing but to go back to bed and curl up with a book, because surely that would be better company.

It seemed hopeless, but something churned in Kei's stomach regardless, an emotion he wasn't used to feeling at all and that kept him going throughout the one sided conversation. He was a disappointment, surely he was. He was unable to pull in anyone with his cutting humor and quirks. Logically, Kei knew it wasn't his fault that he was incompatible with the other boy, but he still couldn't help but feel the telltale stings of rejection, and he was the one who was holding the matchmaking session. He held the cards, and yet he felt like garbage. Pathetic, as if this guy mattered at all. God, he should've given up after his fifth attempt to make a connection. But Kei was foolish at sixteen, still had false hopes and vestiges of romantic ideas. So of course, he reasoned and reasoned that things could work out. The guy could break the curse, could maybe learn to like Kei if they talked more, so...

"Have you ever felt trapped?" Kei hated the way his voice cracked, but really, his mother always did say he needed to be more relatable...maybe if he opened up in the slightest...

It was uncomfortable, oversharing, Kei rarely had the strength to be personal with his own family, and this was some random guy.

The other boy's blue eyes lit up at the question, and Kei thought he saw a brief trace of annoyance at having been interrupted again, but he quickly masked his face into a rehearsed, sympathetic expression. "Why Tsukishima," he began, voice soft and touched, "of course I have. I understand you completely, we're quite similar."

"Oh?" It was doubtful, it had to be bullshit, everything in Kei was screaming that it was. This was like one big joke, but he persisted, because he was a fool. Kei, despite his uneasiness, grabbed the thread offered. Maybe the guy wasn't lying after all, maybe he felt bad for Kei, being trapped in the big house, imprisoned by the curse. The prospect of having someone who understood him was so attractive to him and his naive heart. For someone to accept him as one of their own..."How so?"

The guy laughed at that, putting a hand on his neck as he searched for an answer. Another indication of a liar, but Kei ignored it. Idiot. "Well, obviously by my good name and standing."

Oh you've got to be kidding me. "Um..."

"No one can ever seem to look past the rich noble stereotypes, I'm much more than my name and face." The man smiled softly, peering through the peephole as if it would communicate his sincerity better. It was a good answer, Kei would give him that. Hesitantly, Kei looked over to his vanity mirror, catching a glimpse of his reflection. More than my face...

"And surely, you are more than your face. I'm sure there's beauty lying underneath, and I'd be honored to bring it out." The other continued, and Kei's breath caught at his next words. "Let me see the real you, Tsukishima."

Maybe it was his immaturity, his desire for the curse to be broken, or some deep down desire to be wanted, but either way, Kei found himself reaching for the doorknob. The other boy stepped back, seemingly pleased with himself, and Kei felt right then and there that something wrong was bound to happen. But, if he could break the curse, if there was just a chance...

And there was. So, Kei wiped his sweaty palms on his shorts, and opened the door.

The second thing he learned that day, was that people were shallower than he thought. That or, he looked worse than he'd originally thought.

It took all but two seconds for the suitor to gag at the sight of him, and run, taking any last inklings of hope for freedom and romance along with him.

--

Now of course, he had the routine down, knew what to expect. Nothing would change, and he had learned how to let the insults and cries of disgust bounce off of him with every new matchmaking session.

Some things had changed though, as he now also had a one way mirror built into the wall so he could look out into the meeting room and interact with the suitors without having any of them see him. He rarely used it though, it was a bit overwhelming, feeling like he was the center of a large crowd, with everyone staring, even though they really weren't. So, he stuck to the peephole. In addition, all the suitors had to sign forms now, swearing them to secrecy so they couldn't run and tell people about the terrifying pig-faced boy.

Stupid.

Tsukishima clicked his tongue, resigning himself to yet another wasted weekend, and greeted his guests.

The day ended as it always did, with him holding his mother as she cried at another unsuccessful meeting, and himself wishing he hadn't been born.

--

Kuroo Tetsurou had hit a new low.

The suit he was wearing was itchy and a tad too fitting on his broad frame, and he fidgeted awkwardly, unsure of how he was supposed to look. He never wore suits, or at least, he hadn't in a very long time.

The thought reminded him of his current predicament.

He watched as a crew of journalists, many of whom looked like they hadn't showered in some time, fiddled with his coat lining, sloppily sewing in a hidden camera. Next to them sat a stained, yet crisp envelope, with Kuroo's name scribbled on it. It was all that was keeping Kuroo from hightailing it out of there.

Definitely a new low.

"Alright, raise your arm," the main journalist advised him, stepping back and sparing Kuroo's nostrils of his foul cologne. Kuroo did what he was told, and he heard a faint click, the telltale sign of the camera going off.

Ah, clever.

"Alright, its works!" The journalist exclaimed, handing Kuroo a brush and some mouthwash. "Now, you remember the plan right?"

Kuroo nodded, not bothering to grin or make unnecessary conversation. Usually he was a very friendly guy, but these guys just rubbed him the wrong way, and the fact that he was associating himself with them didn't make his conscience happy. He grabbed the brush and mouthwash in confusion. Did he look that much like a bum?

"Good, now would it kill you to look presentable? What's with that hair? You're supposed to be playing the part of a noble..." The crew gave him the once over, clearly not pleased.

Huh, guess I look worse than I thought.

Don't get him wrong, Kuroo thought he was a pretty good looking guy. He was fit, had clear skin and good height, not to mention he could really lay on the charm when he wanted. But...well, he also knew his hair looked like a bird's nest on the best of days, and his strong smirks and general demeanor could make him come off as a delinquent. Not to mention his wardrobe wasn't in the most tip top shape lately.

Which coincidentally, was what got him in this situation in the first place.

"I am a noble, and I even wore my best pants today!" They were the ones without holes in them. His joking tone went ignored by the other men, who reluctantly took back the brush upon seeing how Kuroo's hair was a legitimate lost cause.

"A down on his luck noble, unless you've forgotten," the journalist shot back, waving Kuroo's agency file in front of him. Kuroo winced. "You might be from a prominent family, but you're no richer than a McDonald’s worker, so don't test our patience. We can find someone else."

"N-no!" Kuroo laughed nervously, waving his hands in a flurry. "I'll do it, no worries."

"Good, you seem like a smart guy," one of the other man said while flicking through his phone. "Smart enough to not pass up 50,000 yen at least."

Right. The money. That was why he was here. Kuroo felt gross and pathetic all over again, but damn he really did need that money. The rent on his apartment was covered by his job, but if he wanted to be able to put a down payment on his new place, he needed a boost, just for the month. When he'd been a teenager, he'd had all the money in the world, but when his parents had found out about certain...preferences of his, he was deemed unworthy of the Kuroo family fortune, and was on his own.

It wasn't that bad of course. He had his friends, he had a job he loved, even though it didn't pay super well. But, getting back on his feet continued to be difficult from time to time.

Which was why he was currently standing next to a shifty van across the street from the Tsukishima mansion, getting ready to go in with a large group of nobles way more desirable than him, in order to get a picture of the youngest son of the Tsukishima household.

The youngest son, who apparently was cursed with a hideous appearance, to the point where his parents had to hold these matchmaking parties just to set him up. It seemed almost ridiculous, Kuroo thought as he watched more smartly dressed men enter the house, stopping at the front door to receive some sort of paperwork and have their IDs checked.

It just didn't seem real, but oh well, Kuroo had a job to do. Part of him sort of hoped the young Tsukishima would be snobby or rude, then Kuroo wouldn't have to feel so bad about what he was about to do.

You're going to feel bad anyways, you loser.

Kuroo cringed at himself. Yeah, probably.

Damn his niceness, was it too late to back out?

"Alright, it's time to go in." The journalist's voice shattered his hopes of that, as did the weight of the camera in the secondhand suit jacket. "Now, when he reveals himself, no matter how ugly he is, you need to stay and get that picture. Got it?"

Make me sound worse why don't you.

But well, Kuroo had been the one to respond to their ad. He had no one to blame but himself. He sighed one last time, buttoning the suit as best he could, before turning towards the mansion in front of him. Let's get this over with.

"Got it."

--

It was easy for him to avoid signing the secrecy agreement when no one in the Tsukishima family seemed to be paying him much mind. They had his file, naturally, so they probably knew he wasn't the most upstanding noble these days. Certainly not a good fit for their son, they were much more focused on buttering up the other rich pretty boys in the room.

It didn't much matter to him, in fact, it made his job easier. Of course, it didn't make him feel any less shitty about what he was doing.

"Alright everyone! I'm Tsukishima Akiteru, and I'd like to thank you all for coming." The tall, dirty blonde seemed easy going for a noble, his smile kind and bright, and his dress less fancy than that of his parents. Just having him stand there made Kuroo feel at ease. "It means a lot to have so many people willing to help my brother, he's very important to me."

Aaaand there's the guilt again.

God, Kuroo would've been better off at a McDonald’s honestly.

"He'll be out shortly!" And with that, Akiteru exited the room, which made Kuroo confused more than anything. The family didn't stay to see how things went? He wondered how long they'd been doing these things...

Long enough, if journalists knew about it.

Man, Kuroo was a sleaze ball.

Part of him couldn't help but be curious though. He'd heard the rumors of the Tsukishima bloodline, naturally, how a witch had cursed them and now the only way to break it was for the youngest son to marry rich. Kuroo wasn't sure he believed all of that, not that he didn't believe in the supernatural at all, this just seemed sort of out there.

Well, you'll have proof by the end of the day won't you? The whole world would.

Yup, Kuroo thought as he frowned at the floor, total sleaze.

--

"Kei? They're ready." Akiteru's voice carried into Kei's room, obviously excited with a hint of anxiety mixed in. His brother never stopped worrying about him. Kei always complained about how obnoxious it was, but really his brother was all that kept him grounded sometimes. He was the only one who made him feel better on days like this, even if it was obvious how much his brother was on his parents' side.

"Mm, give me a minute," Kei said, watering the orchids sitting on his shelf and making sure they had enough soil.

Usually, his brother would leave after he said this, but he felt Akiteru's presence hovering by the door, hesitating, and Kei clicked his tongue. "What is it Akiteru? Did mom say something?"

Kei swore, if his mom wanted him to change his outfit again...

"No, she didn't, I just..." Akiteru sighed, and that got Kei's attention. It wasn't like his brother to doubt himself when talking to Kei, they didn't have that kind of relationship. Kei turned to face him, setting down his watering can carefully and pulling his coat around himself.

"Spit it out," Kei said, very aware of the muffled sounds of conversation on the other side of the wall. Maybe he'd made a mistake, requesting for so many suitors come at once this time...

"Kei, are you sure you wouldn't rather meet them one at a time? Like you used to?" Akiteru approached him, putting his hands on Kei's shoulders in a show of support. "I mean, what's the point of this? They can't possibly get to know you when they're in a group."

Kei resisted the urge to sneer.

Getting to know me, don't make me laugh. It's obvious what they're after, and it's not that.

There were so many responses to his brother's questions, all equally cutting and unfair. It wasn't as if this was his brother's fault. He didn't understand, he wasn't the one with the goddamn pig snout.

These wretched nobles were only after one thing: the money. They didn't care about Kei, and they'd all run. That's why Kei had started holding group sessions, it was why he made today's group extra large. He wanted so desperately to prove a point, to stop this. They always leave. There's no one who will stay, so let's give up. Give up, and let me go outside.

Kei didn't care anymore about the suitors. No matter how much his eyes began to sting, he pushed those traitorous emotions down, walking away from Akiteru's worried gaze.

He had been doing this for years, he could handle it.

Kei walked towards the door, taking a deep breath as he pushed up his glasses with shaking hands. "This way, it wastes less time."

His brother made a noise of protest, but Kei wouldn't look at him, wouldn't let the other see the emotions he himself didn't want to acknowledge. When the door finally shut behind him, Kei released the breath he'd been holding.

--

Kuroo was an idiot. He couldn't even be a successful sleazeball. Just my luck.

He ducked under the couch, luckily unnoticed by the other nobles as they waited for the young Tsukishima to introduce himself. Meanwhile, the camera in his pocket was going haywire, taking twenty pictures a minute, and Kuroo tugged at the cords unintelligibly, willing them to fix themselves. Holy shit why are there so many wires, we’re in the age of technology!

As he was about ready to give up and kiss the money goodbye, the camera seemed to stop taking its flurry of pics, but Kuroo didn't get to feel relieved or get up from the floor. It was too late.

Kuroo heard the whoosh of a door behind him, and the whole room went quiet, only interrupted by the softest voice Kuroo had ever heard. "Hello, I'm Tsukishima Kei and--"

There was a cacophony of screams and a crash as a book table was knocked over, and before Kuroo knew it, people were jumping over the couch and past him like their life depended on it. He had the good sense to tuck his feet in as the stampede raced by him and out the door, leaving him sitting there alone like an idiot, surrounded by papers and coasters.

The loud footsteps faded in the distance as he heard the suitors flee the house, bringing back an unnatural silence to the room. For some reason, Kuroo's heart clenched, and he cursed his own empathy.

He blinked a few times, hearing a distinct and shaky breath from behind him, before a door slammed shut.

[smartgirlsaremean]

The Question Falls - Chapter 2

Fandom: OUAT (inspired by Sex and the City)

Pairing: Rumbelle

Rating: T

Summary: Divorce attorney Gold knows better than to fall in love with a client. Really he does.

AO3

“When we were going to couples therapy Gaston told me I was a princess who deserved everything I wanted. Do you think that’ll sway things in my favor?”

“It’s a case of hearsay, unfortunately, dearie.” Gold drummed his fingers on his desk. “I’ve discovered a few more assets Mrs. Lefleur has been hiding. She really is determined to give you nothing, y’know.”

“I don’t want anything but the apartment,” Belle said sternly. “She could offer me millions and I wouldn’t accept it.”

She was the most stubborn woman he’d ever met. And the brightest. The sweetest. The most beautiful. He fought back a groan and ran a hand over his face before turning his attention back to his phone. “Why is his mother handling his divorce anyway?” he asked.

There was a long pause. “Divorces are messy and unpleasant. Gaston doesn’t do messy. He likes things to be neat and tidy. Sterile, even.”

Except, apparently, when she went down on him in movie theaters. God, Gold wished she hadn’t told him that.

“Except when messy suited him, of course.”

Shit, she’d read his mind.

He’d now spent enough time in his office and on the phone with Belle to know that she was the exact opposite of neat, tidy, and sterile. She was clumsy and impulsive, passionate and bold. His office safe now held a chipped teacup she’d broken during their second meeting, when she’d gestured a little too violently and sent the cup crashing to the floor. She’d been positively distraught, but he’d told her it was just a cup and swept the pieces up onto his desk to be fixed later. (He’d never repaired the cup.) Halfway through their third meeting the conversation had somehow derailed into a discussion of what was considered classic literature and the inherent prejudices present in the academic world that determined which books were worth reading. He honestly couldn’t remember how the topic had come up, but she’d been so passionate in her defense of authors he’d never heard of that he hadn’t cared to redirect her. He enjoyed watching her eyes flash and her chin jerk up while she challenged him.

He enjoyed talking to her just a little too much.

The question of what she and Gaston had ever seen in each other had been easily answered: opposites always attract, though the attraction might not be sustainable. Gold could easily imagine that stuffy, stolid Gaston would be intrigued by her fire while she could be drawn to his steadiness. In the end, though, the differences that stretched between them like a rubber band had been too extreme, and the rubber, rather than pulling them together, had snapped and flown away.

More and more he felt sorry for Gaston, even as he thought him an idiot. Part of him believed that if he’d been in Gaston’s place, with this woman in his arms and in his bed, insisting that she wanted no one but him, he would never let her go. Another part - perhaps not larger, but more insistent certainly - reminded him that such a circumstance would never occur naturally and therefore it would only be wise to be skeptical.

It must be a special kind of hell, to have loved and lost Belle because he couldn’t believe that she was truly his, to know that the only thing standing between them and wedded bliss was his own insecurities and fears.

The second meeting with Mrs. Lefleur was turning out to be almost unbearably entertaining. Belle sat in her chair with her arms folded and her gorgeous legs crossed, her face a picture of serene amusement as Mrs. Lefleur berated her for everything she could think of. Belle’s wardrobe, makeup, career choices, diet, and friends were all given their turn for Mrs. Lefleur’s vitriol. Whenever she appeared to run out of steam, Belle would smile. She would uncross her legs or arms (or both), lean forward, and deliver a riposte that would momentarily stun Mrs. Lefleur speechless. After a few seconds, though, the older woman would gather her wits and once more enter the fray.

Gold was vaguely aware that Spencer was trying to catch his eye and bring this completely unproductive meeting to an end, but he was having the time of his life and he didn’t care if he never left this room.

“Alright, ladies,” Spencer said finally, standing and leaning on the table. “I think we’d best leave it there for the day. As Mrs. Gaston seems unwilling to consider Mrs. Lefleur’s completely reasonable proposal,” and he gallantly ignored Belle’s indelicate snort, “we will continue this conversation at a later date.”

“I want this settled today, ” Mrs. Lefleur insisted.

“So do I,” Belle said pleasantly. “Are we agreed then? I get the apartment and you keep everything else?”

“You will never have that apartment,” Mrs. Lefleur snapped. “You are a heartless little guttersnipe and Gaston is well rid of you. You never deserved him, and you are quite welcome to go back to that whorish life you led before you ensnared my son.”

Belle’s face went pale. “What are you talking about?”

“You think I haven’t done my homework? You think I don’t know that you had dozens of lovers before taking up with my sweet, innocent boy?”

“My sexual history,” Belle clipped, her lips white, “is none of your business.”

“It is when it endangers my family.”

“Endangers...I never put anyone in danger!” Belle shot to her feet, her hands clenched into fists.

“How can we be sure of that?”

Belle was breathing very hard and Gold could tell she was close to losing her tenuous grip on her control. “That’s enough, Mrs. Lefleur,” he said coldly, standing and stepping just a little in front of his client. “Your feelings aside, my client’s personal life prior to her marriage has absolutely no bearing on the proceedings of this divorce.” He glared at Spencer, who was gaping at his own client in shock. “I recommend we end this meeting immediately.”

“Ah. Right. My secretary will call yours, Gold,” Spencer said hurriedly. He and Mrs. Lefleur were almost out the door when Belle caught her breath.

“If you think for one second,” she said in a very calm, quiet, deadly voice, “that Gaston’s numbers weren’t well into the thirties by the time he met me, you need a serious dose of reality. And even if he’d been pure as the snow, I am not now and will never be ashamed of living my life as I see fit, Beryl. It’s not my fault you can’t say the same.”

Without waiting for an answer, she turned and stormed out the other door, slamming it behind her. Mrs. Lefleur sniffed and hurried ahead of her lawyer. Gold reached out and caught Spencer’s arm. “Make no mistake, Albert,” he growled. “If your client pulls a stunt like that again, I will not hesitate to have her escorted bodily out of the building, old money or no.”

Spencer looked more subdued and less arrogant than Gold had ever seen him. “I’ll have a word with her. It won’t happen again.”

When Gold opened the door to his office, he was horrified to realize that Belle was doubled over in one of the chairs, crying. Not quiet little sniffles, either, but great gulping sobs that sounded as if they would choke her. He closed the door behind him very quietly, but she still heard the click of the latch and looked up.

“Sorry,” she gasped, her hands swiping ineffectively at her wet cheeks. “I just...I couldn’t…”

“Don’t apologize.” He crossed the room and, for lack of any other ideas, sat on the table in front of her and handed her the handkerchief he always carried in his pocket.

She took it and stared at it for a minute, her face inscrutable, and when she looked up gave him a watery little smile. “People still carry these?”

“I do. I’m a person like everyone else, aren’t I?” he grumbled.

“I wonder sometimes.” She wiped at her cheeks.

And just what the hell that was supposed to mean he had no idea.

“I try not to let her get to me,” Belle said after a moment, “but sometimes it’s just too much.”

“She has no right to speak to you the way she does. I have Spencer’s word she’ll behave at the next meeting.”

“Maybe there shouldn’t be one,” Belle sighed, and his heart clenched. “Maybe this...maybe this is as far as I go.”

She couldn’t give up. He was so close to having what he wanted from Gaston, and if she quit now, she would walk out that door and get ready to leave her apartment. Maybe even the city. The state? She obviously wasn’t from around here. What if she left the country altogether?

He’d never see her again.

He felt something rise in his chest that felt an awful lot like panic, and he shoved it down.

“The next meeting will be better, I promise,” he said, trying not to sound desperate. “I’ve...I’ve been in contact with Gaston. I’ve been keeping him updated on the proceedings - I had a feeling he was only hearing a fraction of the story from his mother - when he hears about this...well, I’m sure he’ll have something to say.”

She looked up at him. “You’ve contacted Gaston?”

“Yes.”

“And you think he’ll say something that will be in our favor?”

“I do.”

“Why?”

“I…” He didn’t really have an answer. He didn’t know the boy at all, but… “You said he loved you.”

“He did. Does.”

“Well, I...I can’t imagine that anyone who loved you would not want to give you everything in the world you desired.”

Her eyes widening, Belle stared at him and he felt his face growing hot. The hand that had been clutching the handkerchief reached out to touch his hand and she leaned a little closer to him, her eyes flickering over his face.

“Gold, Millie’s on the phone again and she’s breathing fire...oh. Uh, excuse me.” His back was to the door, but Gold could hear the smug little smile in Nolan’s voice. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Generally, Nolan, when one knocks, one avoids such an unfortunate circumstance,” he snapped, standing and turning to glare at his partner.

��I should be going anyway,” Belle said softly. She held his handkerchief out to him.

“Keep it,” he said, waving it away.

“I’ll launder it and get it back you,” she said after folding it neatly and placing it in her purse.

He shrugged. “I have plenty. Won’t miss it.”

Belle smiled and, after what appeared to be a short internal struggle, stood up and pressed a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks, Roderick.”

She’d stolen all of his thoughts right out of his brain. He watched dumbly as she walked out the door, snapping back to full coherence only when Nolan turned to him with a grin that threatened to split his face in two.

“Don’t,” Gold barked, holding up a hand.

“The hot divorcee just kissed you and you think you’re getting out of talking about this? No way.”

Gold ground his teeth. “She is not ‘the hot divorcee.’”

Leaning against the door, David let out a low whistle. “Uh-oh.” His smile had dimmed.

“What?”

“I know that voice. I’ve heard it before. That’s the ‘I’m falling for the client’ voice.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You’re touching your face.”

Gold’s hand jerked away from his cheek. Nolan regarded him with sympathy, and Gold sat at his desk, pointedly ignoring him in hopes that he would leave. He winced when the younger man’s footsteps advanced into the room.

“It’s never a good idea. You know that better than most.”

With a sigh Gold pinched the bridge of his nose. He did know.

“I’m not saying Mrs. Lefleur is gonna call the whole thing off and go back to him like Co - like she did. But this is one of the worst times of her life and you’re associated with that.”

Damn it, David had a point. Gold lowered his hands and met his partner’s eyes. David’s lips twitched up in a sad smile.

“Want me to take over from here? You can go away for a few weeks, we’ll make up a family emergency. How long has it been since you visited Neal, anyway?”

“No. Thank you,” he added sincerely, “but no. I can handle this. One more meeting, or two...three, tops, and it’ll all be over.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

David turned to leave but stopped to grin over his shoulder. “She is a beauty, isn’t she?”

“Get out.”

“Good afternoon.” Gold felt more cheerful today than he had in weeks. There was even a bit of a spring in his uneven gait and he bit back a grin as he hooked his cane over the back of his chair. Mrs. Lefleur and Spencer eyed him warily and Miss French looked bemused.

“It’s my hope,” Spencer said carefully, “that this issue will be settled once and for all today.”

“Oh, I’m sure it will be,” Gold agreed. Beside him, Belle looked at him curiously.

“Excellent,” Mrs. Lefleur sniped. “If I never set eyes on that little harpy again it will be too soon.”

Belle rolled her eyes, but Gold glared at Spencer, who paled and leaned over to whisper in his client’s ear. The older woman pursed her lips but nodded once, and Spencer sat back.

“Our final offer,” Spencer said, “is the collection of mint-condition coins guaranteed to Mrs. Gaston by the prenuptial agreement. She may keep or dispose of them as she wishes.”

“I don’t want the stupid coins,” Belle huffed. “Gaston promised me the apartment, and that’s what I want.”

“I am more than prepared to go to court,” Mrs. Lefleur snapped, “and if you think for one moment that the judge won’t find in favor of me you are…”

Gold’s phone rang from his pocket and interrupted her before she could finish her sentence and give him the pleasure of tossing her out of the building.

“Really, Gold, this is ridiculous,” Spencer protested as Gold pulled out his phone.

“I was expecting this call,” he said. A few swipes of his finger and Gaston Lefleur appeared on the screen. Belle smiled sadly and Mrs. Lefleur frowned. “Ah, Mr. Lefleur, I hoped we’d be hearing from you today.”

“Mr. Gold,” the younger man said solemnly. “Is everyone there?”

“Yes, and we’re all itching to hear what you think of this affair.”

“Gaston, darling, what are you doing?” Mrs. Lefleur demanded. “I told you I could take care of everything, you needn’t worry about a thing.”

“I guess we don’t agree on what ‘taking care of Belle’ means,” Gaston said sternly. “Mother, Belle was a wonderful wife. She did nothing wrong and she deserves everything she wants. Our divorce was no one’s fault - we simply weren’t meant to be together.”

“But she…”

“Seriously, Mother. Stop.”

Mrs. Lefleur’s mouth closed with a snap and Gaston looked away from her, meeting Belle’s eyes.

“Hey, there, Bluebell,” he said sadly. “Alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” She smiled though her eyes looked a little teary. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, babe. Talk to you later.”

Gaston signed off, and silence reigned in the conference room. Spencer was the first to break it.

“The apartment. Mrs. Gaston relinquishes any claim to any other part of the Lefleur estate or Mr. Lefleur’s personal fortune.”

“Done,” Gold said. Belle nodded. “I’ll have the papers drawn up so that Mrs. Lefleur can transfer ownership.”

Nothing more was said by anyone, although Belle kept glancing at Beryl nervously. Once or twice she seemed on the verge of speaking, but the older woman left the room without even looking at her soon-to-be-ex daughter-in-law. Belle’s shoulders drooped a little when the others were gone.

“Congratulations, dearie,” Gold said, attempting to sound careless. “You got what you wanted.”

“What I wanted,” Belle sighed, leaning back in her chair and closing her eyes. “What I wanted was love and family and companionship. What I wanted was forever. What I got was an apartment.”

“It’s a bit late to change your mind.” His voice was a bit sharper than he’d intended, but dammit, he’d had this conversation before and he’d thought she was different.

“I’m not changing my mind. I wouldn’t even if I could. I love Gaston, but not the way I should...not the way I want to.”

“And what way is that?” He really shouldn’t be asking her this. It didn’t matter .

“He’s a good man, but he’s so... superficial. Love is...love is layered. It’s a mystery to be uncovered. And with Gaston...well, there’s no mystery. I never find myself wondering what he’s thinking or what he dreams of. He never surprises or challenges me. Love should be a meeting of the minds as well as of the hearts, don’t you think?”

He started. “I...I never really thought about it,” he lied.

“Weren’t you married once?”

Blinking, he turned to stare at her and noticed that her cheeks were turning an interesting shade of pink.

“After our first meeting I Googled you. David said you were the best and I just wanted some background. You were, weren’t you?”

“Yes. It didn’t end well.” Gold sighed. “Why does that matter?”

“There must have been a reason you separated. I’m not prying,” she said hastily, “I don’t want to know why. But you understand what I mean, don’t you?”

“Yes. I understand.” He met her eyes and she stared back, the color on her cheeks deepening.

Her phone rang, jolting them both out of whatever strange mood they’d created. She dropped it once before finally rising and, with an apologetic smile, walking out the door, talking to whomever had interrupted them. Gold took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, forcefully, wishing his heart would stop pounding.

All that was left was to have the papers drawn up and signed. It was almost over. He could do this.

[emperorren]

on reylo being one-sided

(and why I’m not a huge fan of this scenario)

This is something I’ve wanted to address for a while---the fairly popular idea that the “only” romance we’re going to get in canon between Rey and Kylo will be one-sided on Kylo’s part. That there’s no way Rey can ever return his feelings (or, more accurately, his obsession), and will never forgive him for what he’s done.

I’m curious as to why this became so easy to believe in our corner of the fandom (and I mean specifically reylo shippers). Is this because we want to keep our expectations low? Is it because we recognize that some of the arguments “against” this ship are valid? Is it because, despite all meta and character analysis, we ultimately see Rey’s character as incompatible with Kylo’s, or we don’t believe in the writers’ ability to make her compatible without “ruining” her? Are there any actual signs of this dynamic being necessarily, intrinsically unrequited? 

The answer to the last question, in my opinion, is no. Kind of the opposite. But I’ll get to this later; meanwhile, I’ll concede that this is probably the easiest, safest scenario to speculate on. Kylo being fixated on Rey is already de facto canon, we’re not exactly making wild speculation here. From “what girl?”, to "forget the droid, we have what we need”, to the way he watches her for who the hell knows how long while she’s unconscious, to “I can be your teacher”, it’s clear that our bad boy finds Rey fascinating, and it’s not a stretch of imagination at all to assume that this fixation will only get worse from this point on---that he’ll probably try again to kidnap or lure her again to his side, now that he knows how powerful she is. Villainous crushes are a Thing, so there’s nothing particularly outrageous or unrealistic about this. 

Rey, however, is much more problematic. Her developing some feelings (whatever their nature) for Kylo really seems at odds with the way her character is portrayed and with her other main relationship (Finn). She doesn’t seem to feel anything but unadulterated hatred for Kylo at the end of the movie, and she has every reason to feel this way: the guy killed her newly found parental figure, hurt her best friend, is complicit in genocides and the destruction of an entire solar system, his every action proved that Leia was wrong about him. That Rey can ever feel even the slightest sympathy, let alone attraction, for such a person does sound like a stretch. "Falling” for Kylo would either irreparably taint her likability as a protagonist (what kind of person is attracted to someone who hurt her friends?), or, as many ant*s fear, turn her into an ooc, pallid imitation of the strong willed, independent, loyal young woman we’ve seen in TFA. Rey doesn’t have any real “reasons” to fall for Kylo, and the authors can’t make it happen unless they bend her character in really unpleasant ways. That’s the assumption.

But we shippers still want to see some romance---because what we saw blossoming in Kylo is unmistakable and too juicy not to be explored by the narrative. A tragic unrequited love on Kylo’s part that ends with him embracing the fact that Rey will never return his feelings, but still sacrificing himself for her safety, and redeeming himself with this purely selfless act---that sounds like a good compromise, right? Right. It’s not bad. It’s feasible from a storytelling perspective, it leaves Rey’s agency, personality, motivations etc. intact, while giving a payoff to Kylo’s anticipated *pull to the Light* without turning the story into a cheesy, bad trope-ridden romance in which the bad guy “gets the girl” as a prize for becoming good.

Still, I'm skeptical.

I’m 100% here for angst and a conflicted, tortured Kylo Ren who doesn’t know what to make of his feelings for the enemy, but do I really want to watch him chase a recalcitrant, disgusted Rey around the galaxy for the next two movies? Hell, no. Not only I’m afraid I’d find this repetitive and quickly exhausting, but the discourse around him would only get nastier, the “stalker” reading of his character more substantiated. Honestly, I don’t want to hear any of that.

But more importantly: even if it’s done well and the stalkey vibes are kept at minimum, it would work for Kylo, for his arc. Rey, on the other hand, would remain crystallized in her rejection of everything Kylo Ren is and stands for, which reeks of character stagnation, tbh. Especially compared to the enormous development that Kylo would undergo should he start to genuinely care for Rey. 

You know, if you put all the burden of character evolution---of “meeting halfway”---on Kylo Ren and none on Rey, the inevitable risk is making him much more interesting than her. (honestly, he already is, because the writers bothered to give him some complexity, some flaws that read as flaws, and not just as endearing quirks that don’t compromise the overall adorableness of the character.)

I personally don’t see Rey as already whole, and I strongly reject the idea that “she shouldn’t change anything about herself”. Not changing anything about yourself doesn’t sound like a great idea if you’re the protagonist of a trilogy that is simultaneously a hero’s journey and a rite of passage into adulthood. Rey needs an identity arc, a trajectory. She starts as a character with a rather black/white sense of morality, that the narrative doesn’t really challenge or present as even remotely problematic. That’s definitely less complex than, for example, Finn, who has a moment of “fuck, I’m getting the hell out of dodge” and then comes around, who lies repeatedly to Rey, to Poe, to Han, to the Resistance, who has this huge shadow of his former identity as a stormtrooper looming above him for 3/4 of the movie. Finn is conflicted---he doesn’t share Rey’s unflinching loyalty to bb8 (although, unlike Rey, he did meet bb8′s owner), and his primary concern is getting the FO out of his system and saving Rey. Rey otoh jumps on the good guys’ bandwagon almost immediately, the only thing holding her back (her desire to go back to Jakku to wait for her family) conveniently pushed aside to shove her into action. Amazing, but two more movies of Rey never questioning herself, her loyalties, her assumptions, never showing a single flaw, never even being tempted, sound absolutely dull to me. Luke is so memorable as a hero because he evolves throughout the movies; he’s not stagnant. He begins his journey as an idealist, naive farm boy with a very black/white mentality (the same we find in Rey), but then he’s broken, he learns something that forces him to reconsider his place in the war (in the universe) and his perspective shifts, and he sees a man to save where he used to see only an enemy. 

Of course, Rey’s arc doesn’t necessarily have to be similar to Luke’s, and her evolution surely doesn’t hinge on her relationship with the main (anti)villain. But the way they’ve framed her interactions with Kylo---including the fact that their duel represents the climax of the movie---tells me that this dynamic is going to be crucial. It would be a missed opportunity if Rey’s feelings weren’t as complex and layered as the ones Luke has for Vader.

I see the word “agency” tossed around a lot when promoting the idea of Rey never *falling* for Kylo. It’s a legitimate concern. But I think there’s a difference between:

a) feeling something for a person; b) acting on those feelings; c) letting those feelings define all you are or, worse, destroy who you are d) becoming a passive object of someone else’s desire

I definitely don’t want options C & D for Rey, and I only want B with... reservations (that is, if Kylo stop being an aggressive, self entitled ass, and changes himself in turn) but I think A is crucial---not for Kylo, but for Rey’s arc and complexity as a character. Feelings don’t have to be explicitly romantic, and she might continue on her path without giving in to them (i.e., refuse to let them dictate her actions)... but that she’s never going to feel sympathy for him in her heart is nonsensical given the way they shaped them as each other’s foil.

It’s important to note that Rey’s esteem of Kylo has already hit rock bottom by the end of TFA. Henceforth, it either rises or remains static, and I think we can all agree we can’t just watch two more movies of Rey thinking of Kylo as a monster. Well, I suppose someone could, but I for one would be bored to tears. (storytelling-wise, a character screaming their hate against their enemy in such a transparent, literal way in the first act is only a good choice if it’s going to be subverted later.)

Unrequited love is also at odds with my perception of this dynamic as intrinsically mutual. 

Everyone commented on the yin and yang subtext, that was possibly a source of inspiration for a lot of imagery surrounding Rey and Ren (starting from their curiously similar names). The thing about yin and yang is that they both need each other---they both strive to incorporate the other to achieve wholeness; it’s a two sided feedback. If Rey, the yang, doesn’t need, or care for, or feel temptation for Kylo, the yin, then you can throw the whole yin/yang narrative out of the window. There’s no yin/yang dynamic if the yang doesn’t need, or want, the yin. 

Even at this early stage, it’s a give and take between them. Kylo invades Rey’s consciousness to grab the map, Rey turns the tables on him and “steals” power and knowledge from his mind. The duel is a power play, a battle for dominance where each of them gets to have the upper hand at some point. Everything Kylo does to Rey, Rey returns in spades, almost mirroring him. So far, their interactions have been essentially violent, but should Kylo begin to feel something akin to affection, or compassion, or attraction for Rey, it makes sense to me that this would stir something of the same nature in her, an equal but opposite reaction. Why? Because they’re linked through the Force, she “feels” him as he “feels” her. Because she learns his story, and realizes that he wasn’t born bad. Because she starts dealing with her own darkness, and this makes her see Kylo’s in a different... light, no pun intended. I think these issues are already solidly rooted in canon, and in the hands of a skilled writer (and I think the authors behind this trilogy are skilled, if maybe lacking a bit of courage), can become a perfectly realistic premise for Rey to start feeling “something” for Kylo while maintaining her complexity 

tl;dr; “Rey redeems Kylo by doing absolutely nothing” is infinitely less interesting to me than “Rey and Kylo change and redefine each other through their collisions and interactions”. If I had to choose between a one sided romance on Kylo’s part and no romance at all (but rather, a mutual... friendship? ambiguous antagonism?) I’d choose the latter without blinking. I’m more interested in the mutual nature of whatever’s going on between them (even if it’s just platonic), than I am in any explicit (but one sided) depiction of romantic feelings.