#why do i spend hours doing dishes? because i spend hours cleaning and organising. why do i do that?😎 please help me

[hysokaz]

why did hisoka not kill gon in zevil island?

he wanted to see gon grow. he even said so himself, he wants to see gon grow into an opponent worth killing. but we all know that.

he wants to see gon grow stronger so that he will reach a level where he feels he can fight him and get a good match out of it. but thats a boring answer. i think that hisoka didnt kill gon in zevil island, despite the fact that gon was down and paralyzed, because he respected gon in that moment.

hisoka doesnt really have "respect" for a lot of people. or things. i think his respect can go hand in hand with if he wants to fight someone or not. does hisoka mind killing, or fighting? of course not, but theres a difference between him not minding and him WANTING to kill/fight. you have to impress him or at least do something that makes him reasonably think that youre "worthy" of fighting him. some people he respects include illumi, chrollo, machi, etc. anyone who he would REALLY like to fight some day. i dont think he respected gon in the beginning of the exams; i think he thought it would be fun to fight gon, but i dont think he thought it would be any time soon that the urge to fight him would pop up.

the start of his respect, and urge to fight gon grew the second that he saw gon with his own badge in hand.

so why does this matter?

because the respect gon gained from hisoka kept him alive.

i think its interesting to compare the way hisoka views targets he doesnt MIND fighting and targets he WANTS to fight, aka, respects. agon, the bird-looking guy who he kills, was nothing to hisoka. hisoka was in a trance when he killed him, gon even said that hisoka wouldve just killed anyone he saw. when hisoka killed agon it was quick, and hisoka let agons body fall without a second glance. in fact, the next thing he does is a clear indicator of the way he views the people he respects. he drops EVERYTHING, in quiet shock, to look for the person that ripped the badge of his chest. you know its shock because hisoka places his hand on his chest, where his badge had been, to see if it truly was gone. its enough of a shock for him to completely snap out of his bloodlust trance and to focus all of his attention to the person who took them down.

gon

and when he saw gon, what was his reaction? he was happy.

gon is special, in a way. hisoka saw potential in gon, but he didnt seem to care too much for him. it was enough to make an impression, though. that impression instantly grew once he saw gon was the one to take his badge; he realised that gon truly would grow into an opponent worthy of killing.

it almost seems like hisoka WAS going to kill gon at first, the way he reacted after spotting him, but i can GUARANTEE you he wasnt. hisoka was no longer in a trance once he saw gon, he was completetly calm and in his sound mind (as much as that counts). hisoka approaches gon, or at least begins to, calmly and quietly. he visibly shows himself stepping towards gon, he doesnt try to go quick before gon can react, in fact, he waits for gon to get over his startlement before approaching. gon, still scared for his life (for good reason) ran away. but i can still guarantee that he wasnt in a trance even without him not physically being on the screen-- all of it revolves around geretta. he kills geretta quietly, gon doesnt even know hisoka kills geretta until after it happens. hisoka is careful, collected, and assassinates him without a sound. had hisoka been in a trance he wouldve been running to kill gon, and that wouldve made geretta hear him and it wouldnt have been such an easy kill; when hisoka is in a trance, he doesnt care who sees him-- hes so overwhelmed by his own bloodlust to not sense the presence of others. theres no reasonable way that hisoka wouldve calmly approached geretta if he was truly in an urge to kill gon, therefore he didnt want to kill gon.

hisoka is not too... prideful. i wouldnt use the word to describe him at least. its not like he wakes up in the morning to admire himself, hes never said something that leads me to believe he even tells himself hes strong. i dont know how to explain it, but hisoka doesnt NEED to tell himself that hes strong; hes confident, but hes not vain. i would only ever call him overconfident when bloodlust gets to his head-- but when that happens, hisoka plain cant THINK, so i dont think its too far to use that. the only counterargument against this that i can think of is the way he is with chrollo, but i havent thought much about their relationship and i dont want to bring that up now. what im trying to say is that hisoka couldve honestly given less of a shit if he lost his own badge. it wouldnt mean anything to him so long he could still win. but hes not stupid, he knows the value of a badge. the knows the value that gaining an opponents badge would mean to someone, i think he wouldnt exactly KNOW know but i think he would have a hunch that it WOULD mean something to gon.

so i think that hisoka giving gon his badge would be a sign of respect, as well. he COULDVE taken all the badges he needed, he COULDVE just let gon be, but instead he went out of his way to gift gon his badge. this wasnt mockery, like gon took it. it was a sign of respect, because hisoka WANTS gon to pass. he knows hes going to be fine even if he has to get 3 more cards and gives his own to gon so that he may pass. its the thing that sparked my analysis, it was CLEAR that it was a sign of respect.

i have one more argument. believe it or not, knocking down gon was another sign of respect. while yes it brought gon to a very low point, hisoka didnt mean for that to happen. him knocking gon down was mercy, in hisokas eyes. he obviously doesnt want gon to not pass, its obvious. another sign is that geretta is killed. hisoka couldve let gon deal with it, i mean geretta didnt give a lethal dose, but hisoka didnt let that happen. he dropped his badge and left it with gon, and ran off with gerettas. if gon passed and if he passed, he was fine with that.

its all respect. he has enough respect for gon to want him to live (for now) and pass.

so why did hisoka not kill gon in zevil island when he had every chance? he had too much respect for gon to do it.

[secret-rendezvous1d]

I can just imagine like reader being super upset and not leaving her bed and mgg noticing her apartment being a mess so he would clean up for her while she was sleeping🥺🥺

Ohh, stop right there... I live and breath for caring MGG/Spencer fics-

He has a key.

And if he has a key to a place that she has claimed he can treat as his own, why wouldn’t he use it? Of course, he was going to use it. 

I know we talked but don’t come see me today. Please. I can’t see you today. x

Receiving a text like that was enough to panic him and drive him into territory that could be classed as overthinking. He wants to trust that she’s okay and not pushing him away because she’d read something in the papers of because she had overheard something about her and that there’s no danger around her but it’s unusual for her to cancel seeing him when she was vocal with her absolute excitement less than twenty-four hours ago. 

As he steps foot into her flat, he’s hit with a room that looked like it had been struck by a bomb in a battlefield warzone. A pile of freshly-washed laundry sits high on the sofa and almost toppling over, a used coffee cup sits on her coffee table in the living room with a dribble of coffee clinging to the side and a used plate that had dried ketchup and egg yolk smeared across the ceramic was left on the kitchen island where he had presumed she had eaten her breakfast that morning. In the kitchen, her cutlery drawer was left open and he could see the limiting amount of clean knives and forks she had left. The sink was full of used and dirty plates that, if he counted, would total to the amount of days he hadn’t seen her, and pots and pans were piled up next to the tap in a tower that didn’t look very stable. 

“YN?”

He speaks with such care and concern and when he doesn’t gain a response, and sees her bedroom door shut (which she never shut unless she was in the room asleep or busy with work she had brought home), he tries to busy himself with something because he couldn’t leave her - he wouldn’t leave her - if she was struggling with something that she could talk to him about. Washing her dishes and picking up her dirty cutlery and cups from breakfast seemed like the best way to start helping her out because she would only despise herself for getting to that low mindset and allowing herself to get messy. 

He’s just putting the last of her pots and pans away when she stumbles out of her bedroom with a blanket tucked around her body, dark circles underneath her usually bright eyes and her hair completely knotted and in the messiest bun he had ever seen her sport, looking around at the clean area around her. When she had last seen it, it looked a mess... now, it looked organised.

“What are you doing? I told you not to come by, Matthew,” she grumbles lowly and stands in her entryway, taking in his appearance as he hunches over to get better access to the cupboard underneath the sink and to the right. The blue t-shirt he had chosen to wear was riding up his back, showing the waistband of his boxers from the beneath the belt of the light-washed denim jeans on his legs. He looked delectable. Gorgeous. But she insisted he didn’t come and see her. “Why are you here?”

“I was worried about you.”

He stands up straight and adjusts the top hanging down his body. The cotton splashed with drops of water and soap suds from when he had finished off washing and drying up her plates and cutlery so she could save herself from doing it when she really wasn’t in the mood.

“Why?”

“Your text,” he states slowly, hesitance his words because she looked unhappy to see him. Why? Why hadn’t she wrapped him up in a hug, kissed him hello and made him feel welcomed into her home? “I can leave, if you want. I’m sorry I came.”

“No,” she rebuttals fast and shakes her head, “don’t apologise. I’m sorry, I’m just feeling it today.”

“Don’t apologise,” he mimics her and she smiles for the first time since she saw him, “are you okay? You look rough, were you asleep?”

She shrugs and takes long strides towards him, standing in front of him so she could wrap her arms around his middle, resting her cheek against his chest and hearing the rhythm of his heartbeat pound at his chest. He was warm and she’d missed him that week... usually they went days where they spent every waking minute together but she’d had a busy week with work and he insisted that he didn’t want to be a burden or a distraction so promised to stay away until she wanted him with her on a day when she had no work to worry about. 

Which they had planned to that day until YN texted him and told him not to bother.

“Busy week, remember? Trying to catch up on the sleep lost to all those late nights and early mornings. I think I’ve slept a good ten hours this week?” She murmurs and his tucks his arms around her and feels the heat of the blanket around her shoulders. She smelt like she needed to take a shower, like she had thrown all personal hygiene out the window because work was put first, and as much as she would have wanted to know... it didn’t feel like the right moment to tell her. “Finished this morning over breakfast. Hence the, uh, hence the mess you walked in on.”

She looks up and presses a kiss to his lips.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he hums, taking a look at the time ticking from the clock on the wall and then looking back down at her, “how about you take a shower and I’ll make you a hot chocolate and a nice sandwich and we spend the day in bed today? I’m not needed anywhere and if your work calls, I’ll tell them you’re sick. Yeah?”

She nods and there’s a relaxed feel to her, now. Her shoulders slump downward and she just feels like the tension had flown from out of her body.

“Ham and cheese, grilled, lots of mayonnaise,” he recalls and she looks at him with an impressed look covering her features, “see? I take notes.” xx

[sinkix]

☆ Haikyuu!! │ Boys as your roommate HC’S │ Ft Nishinoya, Akaashi, Oikawa & Hinata ☆

Okay this is a small little shit post idea that I had and it’s 2am SO it’s high-key messy and chaotic but HEY when am I not? I swear I’ll sleep after this I promise.

E N J O Y ~ <3

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ�� *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Nishinoya: 

SO!!!! FUCKING!!!1 LOUD!!!11!!

AT ALL HOURS OF THE DAY.

definitely blasts music first thing in the morning to get hype so be prepared for that.

y’all definitely have a designated day for movie nights and just overall vibing.

Often drags you to volleyball practise with him bc why not

both of y’all hate cleaning so it’s usually just a chaotic mess

but you both know where everything is so like whats the point in cleaning up???

can and will wake you up at random hours in the night

literally it will be 3am and he will come into your room and ask you the meaning of life or a cheesy pick up line he read on ifunny.

not even kidding.

sometimes you both end up crashing together bc you spend nearly all night playing video games and talking.

so again, expect random poking and prodding in the middle of the night for more nonsensical questions

when he sleeps though, he’s out like a LIGHT

homeboy fucking SNORES

SO. DAMN. LOUD

it’s actually really cute

rolling slumber

you get to see hair-down noya a lot and its *chef kiss*

will always cheer you up after a bad day and sometimes leaves little notes lying on the kitchen counter as motivation.

is your hype man for when your picking out outfits for the day or an important event/party. 

actually has really good taste in fashion??? so you know you can always trust his input.

you mostly eat out or order in because neither of you can cook for shit.

the last time you both attempted the kitchen nearly went up in flames.

just kidding, it did.

 never have you been so grateful for the invention of fire extinguishers. 

some got in noya’s hair and it looked so scuffed lol.

Akaashi:

such a chill rooomate, my god.

you spend most evenings on the couch just watching shows or talking about your day, akaashi is a straight up vibe machine and his presence is v soothing.

a really good cook?? so it’s always a nice surprise when you come home and dinner is already made

remembers all your favourite foods and meals so if he senses you’re down he will make them for you.

fuckin angel bro I swear.

most of the time you just eat in comfortable silence or you’ll listen to akaashi talk about the team.

he’s usually your alarm clock since he wakes up around the same time as you and being the responsible boi he is always makes sure to wake you up too.

bless his soul

sometimes you’ll have little jam out sessions if one or both of you are feeling sad

instantly 1000x better

aside from being the occasional goof he’s honestly pretty quiet for the most part

sometimes you’ll forget he’s at home and just bust out the weirdest moves or start talking to yourself and he’ll walk in the room like ????? you good ?????

he’s caught you several times just narrating your inner monologue 

definitely teases you about it

like he’ll just quote a random thing you had mumbled to yourself before just to see you squirm

low-key a little shit lmao

he is pretty tidy and has no problems cleaning up so the house is usually orderly and clean, you both take turns doing chores and pitch in to do your part

sometimes he’ll tease you if you forgot to do the dishes but then go and do them himself

so cute man ihefjwjkfkjef

sometimes y’all will clean together and just dance to music around the house while doing so

sometimes bokuto drops by and all calm atmosphere is instantly shattered but it’s okay bc he’s babi and you appreciate the hype atmosphere he brings.

well, maybe not akaashi bc he has to deal with it 24/7 but still 

you and bokuto get on v well so he makes more frequent visits now and you three will go out to eat or just sit and watch volleyball tournaments on TV. 

sometimes bokuto will make you both re watch their old matches, screaming “YOU SEE THAT AKAASHIIIIIII??!!11″ 

“yes bokuto-san.”  

aside from that just an overall very chill household.

Oikawa:

such a little shit lmao

will wake you up by throwing a pillow at your head screaming “WAKE UP (Y/N)-CHAN!!!!!” at the top of his lungs

like tooru sis it’s 7am

Sometimes you’ll drop by practise in the evening to bring snacks and walk him home

he goes all soft and makes sure to be extra nice that night

y’all are hella close and tell each other EVERYTHING

Iwazumi appreciates you SO much bc ur able to tame Oikawa’s occasionally bratty and snarky attitude so it’s less work for him.

there’s a rumour you’re dating but neither of you have addressed it bc you both find it funny.

and idk maybe you are ??? not even you two know at this point

his fangirls get hella jealous whenever you show up lolololol.

oikawa can KIND of cook

and by kind of i mean just throw shit in the oven for like 30 min and bone apple teeth.

so you usually just go to restaurants or do basic cooking

it’s always hella fun cooking with oikawa 

sometimes you’ll buy those ready-made kid baking sets to make some brownies with minimal effort

this bitch will always flick the fucking spoon at you

then SWIPE IT OFF UR CHEEK AND EAT IT

he always flashes his signature wink, sticking out his tongue.

you just sigh and hope he gets salmonella.

speaking of sickness, once oikawa got a cold

you stayed off the day to look after him and he was SO. FUCKIN. DEMANDING.

“(Y/N)-chaannn!!! make me porridge!” 

“(y/N)-ChAAAaNn! can i have some medicine.”

“(YYYy/nNnNn)-ChAAAaaANNNn give me attention.”

ofc u gave it to him bc how can u say no

 was actually very grateful and kind to you with zero bratty behaviour so u like sick oikawa.

his normal self too, but you’ll never tell him that.

Hinata: 

LOUD????

not as bad as nishinoya, like he’ll have his quiet moments but still

VERY?? LOUD??? 

it’s hard to be in a bad mood around him honestly so you always look forward to going home and seeing his smiling face

sunshine™ here to brighten ur day

you’re usually the one that has to wake him up bc let’s face it he’s hopeless at being organised and getting up on time.

he was always used to Natsu waking him up so now you’re basically Natsu 2.0 in this regard.

you usually have to resort to shaking him vigorously for like 2 mins until he actually gets up.

once you deadass poured the water over his head that was sitting on his nightstand bc he refused to get up

needless to say he was far more willing after that

you 100% have karaoke sessions together in the morning  and belt the lyrics out, attempting to sync but failing miserably.

maybe you’ll get a record deal one day who knows

Hinata can and will give you a hug and motivational speech before you walk out the door

you often have to fix his appearance before he leaves

his shirt is usually tucked in at a weird angle or hella crumpled

his hair too, like you’ll have to flatten down extra wild strands since he usually forgets to brush it before heading out the door

bitch gets toothpaste marks EVERYWHERE 

like pretty much every place except his fuckin mouth lmao

you sometimes show up to practise to surprise him and he always gets extra hype after that since you offer to pay for food afterward.

y’all like taking late night walks in the park

boy gets scared easily though so prepare for him to leap in your arms like a scene from scooby-doo

definitely have a lot of late night convos, some really stupid and some surprisingly deep.

he’s actually a very thoughtful and layered person?? like under that chaotic and disorganised persona 

don’t even get me started on cooking.

you REFUSE to let him anywhere near the kitchen 

so you usually end up doing the food prep or again y’all just eat out

You both watch volleyball games on TV often and get HYPE AS HELL and yell at the TV vvv loud

once you actually received a noise complaint.

sometimes Kags will drop by because he left something at practise that Hinata had picked up for him.

you and Kags get on pretty well tbh like you both respect each other

he has no idea how you can live with Hinata and often refers to you as a saint

but who wouldn’t want to live with this bby ball of sunshine?

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Banner Ch11: A Turkey Called Marv

Summary: Nat, Clint, Evans, Lawson and the rest of her SHIELD team throw Katie a leaving party once news of her resignation spreads across the Triskellion before Katie and Steve head to New York to spend their first Thanksgiving as a couple with Tony, Pepper and Bruce.

Paring: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Warnings: None for this chap, bar a bit of bad language and teeth rotting fluff

A/N: There is an accompanying One Shot to this called The Life Of Marv...

November 2013

News of Katie’s spectacular resignation spread like wildfire through the Triskellion. Evans, Lawson, Natasha and Clint had all been pretty upset but had understood when she had explained why she was doing it, even if Natasha didn’t necessarily agree. They had no intention of letting her go quietly, however, and the team took it upon themselves to organise a small Leaving do at Lori’s which was in full swing. Background music was playing, food had arrived and the drinks were flowing. Steve was talking to Lawson, Rumlow and Evans by the bar, leaning against it, an easy smile on his face as Katie stood with Clint and Natasha a bit further down the bar as Clint was talking to them about his latest home improvement plan.  

“So I thought about putting in a pool…” Clint said, “Now the kids are bigger I thought it might be nice to have one. Maybe even a pool house round it for bad weather…”

"That's ambitious." Nat quirked an eyebrow.

Clint grinned. "That's my middle name."

"Really?" Katie asked. "I always thought it was Robert."

"What?" Clint looked at her as Nat snorted out a laugh.  "Francis.  Why would you think its Robert?"

Katie shrugged "You look like a Bob."

"Wait… so it's not Ambitious?" Nat asked, winking at Katie. "How boring…"

Katie nodded, draining her glass.  "Bob would have been better,"

"Right," Clint started, pulling himself taller. "I hate both of you."

The girls laughed and Nat turned to Katie. “So what’s in the pipeline for you now Nova?” “I have no idea.” Katie said, and she didn’t. “I guess I’ll just get more involved in the family business.”

“You gonna move to New York?” Clint asked. She shook her head. “Probably spend a bit more time there but, I’m not moving back.”

“Nah, she can’t leave lover boy.” Natasha looked at Clint and Katie rolled her eyes. Truth is Nat had hit the nail on the head. No way was she leaving Steve in DC to move to the tower. Although they had only been together 7 months she had spent over a year of her life being 'with him' one way or another and the thought of not being terrified her.

“Nah to be fair Nat, they’ve been going out a while now. Things are probably starting to cool off.” Clint teased “Oh trust me, there’s no problems in that department.” Katie sniggered, looking at where Steve was stood.

“Oh would you look at that. I’m out of alcohol…” Nat said, suddenly “And so is Stark.”

"There's a bar over there," Clint pointed

“Cheers…”Natasha took Katie’s glass and handed it to him along with her own. Clint shook his head taking the glasses with a sigh.

“So… now he’s gone…” Nat glanced over at Steve then back to Katie “Gimme details…”

“Details on what?”

“Throw me a bone here Stark. I’m working on a few months dry spell.”

“Why are you so obsessed with my sex life?” Katie groaned “You’re constantly trying to get me to talk about it.”

“Hey, look, up until a few months ago I was convinced he was a virgin…”

“Well then you’re a dumbass.” Katie smirked “He’s Captain America, had girls throwing themselves at him back in the day.” "So he was until the serum?”

“I never said that…” she flushed.

“You’re such a shit liar.”

“Can we change the subject?” Katie groaned.

“Ok, answer me one question and then I’ll drop it.”

“What?” Katie said with an air of playful frustration. If she was honest, it was quite nice to have a girlfriend to chat to about these kind of secrets.

“Did the serum enhance…everything?” Nat wiggled her eyebrows.

Katie glanced over at Steve and smirked before she looked back at her. Fuck it.

“Well if it didn’t, I’ve no idea how he managed to stay upright before.” she smirked "I'm a lucky woman"

The red head threw back her head in a dirty laugh, a laugh that Katie had never heard from her before and it made her snigger at the sight of the normally composed assassin letting loose.

“What I miss?” Clint asked as he reappeared, handing them their drinks.

“I’ll explain when you’re older…” Nat said, patting his chest fondly.

The party went on well into the early hours of the morning and Steve had practically had to carry his girl home, not to mention holding her hair back whilst she puked up God knows how much tequila. She had a hangover to end all hangovers the day after and had hardly moved from her spot on his sofa bar to top up her glass of water and to find something crap to eat. They’d had a Chinese that night and she’d practically eaten everything on the menu before showering and crawling back into his bed, swearing she was never challenging Evans to a tequila drinking contest again which Steve had assured her was a pretty good idea.

Now, a fortnight later they were at the Tower in New York, and it was the night before Thanksgiving. Last year Katie and Steve had spent Thanksgiving as friends. This year they were spending it as lovers, and Katie was also excited to be spending it with Tony, although she would never admit that out loud.

Steve was also looking forward to it as well. Tony had mellowed to him somewhat over the past few months, especially when he had found out Steve was supporting Katie’s decision to quit SHIELD and not trying to stop her as he had original thought the Captain would. He was also looking forward to Katie’s damned fine cooking as well. Despite the fact that Tony had offered to cater in as Pepper was away until the very last minute, his girl had insisted on cooking it herself, especially now she had plenty of time on her hands.  

As such, Steve and Tony had left her in the kitchen area of the main living quarters at midday to head down to the lab to discuss some further upgrades to the Tower. When they left Katie had been surrounded by bags of flour and ingredients, and when Steve returned he found her at just gone 5:30 surrounded by 3 pies (one apple, one pumpkin and one blackberry) pans of vegetables prepped ready for the and a turkey in the oven ready for JARVIS to turn on in the morning. She was stood at the sink, gently humming, the kitchen now clean and the smell of her baking making his mouth water.

"What are you doing Soldier?" Katie asked, jumping a little as Steve's arms came around her sides, reaching for the sink, effectively trapping her between the counter and his body.

He laid his chin on her shoulder. "The dishes,"

“I’m only leaving the pie dish to soak.” she said, turning in his arms. “The rest are going in the Dishwasher.”

“Oh because God forbid her majesty would actually wash a dish…” he teased as he rest his chin on her shoulder.

“You don’t wash them much either.” she said, rolling her eyes “How many brushes did you break last week?”

“The plastic is bad quality.” he said, pouting a little.

“Nothing to do with your ridiculously large hands being too rough.” “You weren’t complaining last night…” he said, lips warm against her cheek. Katie could hear the smile in his voice before she swatted him in the face with a dishtowel, and he laughed out loud.

“Seriously though Doll face, are you nearly done?” he said, “You’ve been in here all afternoon. You do know we’re not eating till 3 tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah but the more I do now, the less I have to do tomorrow, and let’s face it, it’s not like I have anything else to do, on account of being an unemployed bum.” she said making Steve laugh again.  “Plus, I just want everything to be, you know…right.” she shrugged, and she did.

“It’s a dinner.” Steve said, chuckling slightly.

“It’s Thanksgiving” she pouted

“Yeah, and last years was pretty cool, remember?” he smiled

“Yeah but…” she trailed off, biting her lip. Steve knew that look well enough now to know there was more to this.

“What?” he probed gently.

“Nothing, just, well I never had a boyfriend over for Thanksgiving before. Or Christmas come to think of it.”

Steve smiled “I like being your first…” Katie grinned. The whole ‘I like being your first’ thing had started off by her saying it to Steve but they’d fast come to realise that they actually both had a world of inexperience between them when it came to relationships, and it was nice that they could be each other’s firsts in a lot of ways.  “Honey, tomorrow is gonna be great.” he smiled at her, tipping her face up to look at his “Don’t sweat it.”

“Did you seriously just say don’t sweat it?” she sniggered.

Steve groaned “I told you I spent the afternoon with your brother…”

She giggled and leaned up to catch his lips in a soft kiss.

“Getting kinda tired of catching you two making out in a kitchen!” Tony chose that time to waltz in and open the fridge door “You got your own floor, go use it." ******

Katie woke the next morning to find Steve's side of the bed empty and cold. It wasn't unusual for him to be up earlier than her, she knew he would either be out running, in the gym or making coffee. She climbed out of bed and walked to the blinds of the bedroom, instructing JARVIS to open them, the AI being one of the many perks about being 'home'. The New York skyline stretched below her and as she glanced down she saw the people gathered on the sidewalks, attention turned to the streets, obviously waiting for the Thanksgiving Parade. She had asked Steve if he wanted to go and watch it in person but he had said he would prefer to stay in and watch from the tower as he didn't fancy getting mobbed in the street. Being recognised by one person every so often was fine but in those crowds if one person spotted him then it would spread like wildfire. Besides, as he had pointed out, her floor had an awesome view so they could watch out of the window with a drink. Katie frowned as suddenly a large brown turkey shaped balloon floated in front of her eyes. The parade wasn’t supposed to start until 9 and that meant by the time it made its way to the Avengers tower it would be... she turned and glanced at the click and gave a yelp. She had slept in until 10. 

Steve heard her before he saw her, not that he needed super hearing to hear the loud yell of "how fucking late?" coming from the bedroom. Grinning to himself he turned back to the griddle on the island of the kitchen, flipping a pancake with one hand and drinking a coffee with the other. "Why didn't you wake me?" She grumbled to him as she leaned in the kitchen doorway, taking him in for a moment. He was freshly showered, dressed in a loose grey t-shirt and sweats, hair still a bit damp and spiked up in a way that made her smile. "Because you were up early yesterday and I thought I'd make you breakfast for a change." he said as she wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her face into the back of his shoulder. The smell of his shower gel mixed with the smell of the pancake mix, made her nuzzle her nose into him to inhale deeply. "You smell good." she eventually spoke again. "Good to know." A grin tugged at the corners of his lips at the fact she was still clinging to him. "I just saw a giant inflatable Turkey." she said, hands going to rub at his stomach. "What?" "The parade" she smiled at him. Steve smiled. "You know when I was a kid, the parade was the best part of Thanksgiving." "Still is" she mumbled, cheek still pressed to his shoulder.

"Me and Bucky used to come into Manhattan with his family and my ma if she wasn't working and stuff ourselves on popcorn and warm mixed nuts" He smiled to himself at the memory. They always picked out their favourite balloons, ate until they thought they would burst, and made Rebecca, Bucky’s younger sister laugh till she cried by pretending they were in the marching bands. But once the war started, the parade had ended. He had never realized that they started it up again until Tony and Katie had mentioned it last night as they had sat eating takeout. Part of him had wanted to go to the street to watch it but after seeing that morning how crowded it had been on his run he was happy to watch it from the comfort of Katie's floor. He turned to face her for first time that day, her arms still round his waist. Her hair was pulled up into a pony tail, face fresh, eyes bright and she was, as ever, in one of his shirts and not a lot else. He leaned forward to give her a quick kiss and when he moved away, she quickly closed the space to give him another quick kiss, letting her lips linger on his for a second. "I'll burn the pancakes" he murmured and she grinned, pulling away. "I'll make fresh coffee." she said, patting his chest and turning to the machine. "Hey JAR..." she spoke, "hit me with some Christmas tunes buddy" "The usual Miss Stark?" "As long as it has the Pogues on..." "Wouldn't dream of not doing" the AI replied and then the apartment was flooded with the sounds of Fairy Tale of New York. "It’s November." Steve turned to look at her, but she simply grinned to herself and turned around, singing to him. He couldn't help but laugh, he knew from last year that Christmas for her started at Thanksgiving and ended on New Year’s Day. Plus the fact that the previous year she had spent Christmas day fighting a bunch of exploding super soldiers meant that she was going to enjoy this year as much as possible. He shook his head, a low chuckle escaping before he turned back to his pancakes. They dragged the cushions off the couch and ate breakfast sat by the huge floor to ceiling windows of the penthouse, Katie sat between Steve's legs as they both watched the parade. Suddenly, a large green balloon floated by the window and Katie gave a loud squeal when she saw what it was. A Hulk float. An amused smile spread across her lips as she watched the balloon bob in front of the window, twisting to the sides in the air as it wrestled with the wind. "Oh my God!" Katie giggled again, gently tapping Steve's right calf but he had already spotted it. A massive shield was coming out, followed by Iron Man's mask, Thor's hammer, a bow and arrow, Natasha’s Red Widow symbol and her own Nova star. She turned to look at him, a little smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth and when he met her eyes the smile broke out across his features. Laughing in disbelief, he shook his head, turning his attention back look at the shield float bounce down the street. "That's pretty cool." he commented with an amazed sigh, and it was. If anyone had told him all those years ago that one day he would feature in the Macy's Thanksgiving parade he would have told them that they were mad. Yet there it was. He found himself smiling as he thought about how his ma and Bucky would have reacted. When they had finished eating, Katie leaned back into him a little more, slouching so that her knees were bent and her feet rested on the bottom of the window. His arms reached round her neck, and he kissed the back of her head as they continued to watch the floats, the gentle sound of Bing Crosby "White Christmas" now playing through the room, the two of them simply enjoying the closeness of one another. ***** Eventually it was time to head downstairs and join Tony, Bruce and Pepper for their dinner. Katie and Pepper left the men to it and finished off the prep before calling them all to the table. As was tradition, as ‘head of the house’ Tony carved the turkey with his usual, trademark drama and they took it in turns to give a few things they were thankful for. Tony was thankful for his friends, family and a decent brand of scotch he had in the cupboard for later, Pepper was thankful for being so fortunate and being surrounded by people she loved, Bruce was thankful for being welcomed into their family home, not just for today but since he had taken up residency just after the Chitauri Battle, and Katie was thankful for being in the presence of people she cared for, and for the last year being so much better than the previous 12 months. She shot a wink at Steve as she said that and he beamed before he realised they were waiting for him.

 "err…” he cleared his throat “I guess I’m thankful for being given a second chance, being welcomed by you all…and for, err, you.” he grinned at Katie who gave him a playful roll of the eyes but the flush on her cheeks told him she had understood.

“Awww.” Pepper said, as Tony made a gagging noise which resulted in Katie throwing a carrot at him. He pointed at her, frowning.

“No food fights on my floor, Kiddo.” he said sternly and she simply raised an eyebrow at him, taking a sip of her wine.

The food was good, not that anyone expected anything else. Both Tony and Banner managed 2 servings whilst Steve made it through 3. And then there was the pie. Steve managed a piece of each, whilst everyone else could only face one, but no one cared. And he found himself secretly pleased that there was enough left for him to scoff later on.

“I’m so glad I wore leggings.” Pepper sighted, leaning back and massaging her stomach.  

Katie nodded in agreement, also dressed in leggings and a long jersey dress. “Think I’m having a food baby.”

"Yeah, I gotta hand it to you Kiddo..." Tony said, leaning back in his chair, undoing the top button of his pants and massaging his stomach “That was absolutely awesome."

Steve's hand dropped to his girl's leg under the table and he gave her knee a little squeeze as she reached for her wine glass, before moving his arm to drop it round the back of her chair. "I certainly prefer the Turkey dead and cooked anyway" Tony added and Katie groaned. "Are you ever gonna let me live that down?" she looked at him. "No" he shook his head. "What's this?" Steve asked, setting his glass down. "Did she not tell you about the time she brought home a live Turkey one year? Katie sighed as Steve sat up, turning to her, smirking "No..." "I was 17 and going through a meat is murder phase." She waved away the comment with her hands. "I was in the way home and saw him. He was the only one left in the farmyard so I liberated him" "By liberated she means stole." Tony quipped, standing up to retrieve 2 more bottled of Rijoca from the bar as laughs rang round the table. "No one came looking for him" She shrugged. "Marv lived a happy life for 5 years in our back garden" "Marv?" Bruce looked at her, a smile creeping across his face. "After the character from Home Alone." She said simply

“You had a turkey called Marv?” the scientist deadpanned and she nodded.

"He was a great pet. Used to chase Tony around" "The bird was a fucking menace"  Tony frowned, topping everyone's glass up. Settling back into his chair, Katie noticed Pepper giving him a look and he started suddenly as if he was remembering something. He leaned forward and looked at Katie. "So I know we don’t do Thanksgiving gifts kiddo but I was thinking yesterday about something you said to me once, about having a vision for a publishing company."

Katie stole a look at Steve who simply shrugged. It was true, when she had first graduated she had thought about setting up a publishing company, but one that dealt with unknown writers. Her favourite books in the world were the Harry Potter series and during her degree she had been lucky enough to attend a small seminar held by JK Rowling, who had openly discussed her life before becoming a famous author. She had been a single mother, struggling to make ends meet, and even after she had written the books it took her years to get a deal, being rejected by 4 different publishers before Bloomsbury (a small, independent group) took a chance on her and it paid off for both of them. Katie loved the rags to riches story and since then had always harboured a desire to do the same thing for other authors but it had never really been much more than a pipe dream.

"It was an idea I once had." She shrugged, looking at Tony. "Then things went a bit crazy." "Well... how about we make it a bit more than an idea?" Pepper said. "What?" Katie frowned, looking at Pepper, then he brother who nodded. "I want you to put a proper proposal together, business plan, mood and story board that type of thing." He said, waving his hand in that Tony-esque manner "Then we're gonna look at what we need to set it up and take it to the board. Run it as a Ltd company under the Parent company of Stark Industries, but you'll be the Managing Director." "I..., I can't run a business!" She stammered. "Didn't you run the UK branch of SI for a while?" Bruce looked at her, smiling. Was everyone in on this bar her? "That was different." She pressed. "Why?" Steve asked. "Shut up Steven." She said without even looking at him.

There were a few chuckles round the table before Tony continued. "Look, you don't need to work." He shrugged "You have enough capitol behind you plus the revenue from the business as it to live your life out as an IT girl,  but we both know you'll end up killing someone if you get bored, and that's likely to be Cap seeing as you see him most so this is for him as much as you." "Thanks Tony." Steve tipped his glass to the Inventor who winked. Katie pondered. It really had been a dream of hers since leaving Uni, putting her degree and passion into her work and she would be lying if she said the thought didn’t excite her but it was a hell of a big commitment, and what if it all failed?

“I'll help you." Pepper smiled at Katie who was biting her lip. "I'll proof read the proposal and I'll be there every step of the way whilst you set up.” she leaned back in her chair. "The week before Christmas there’s another board meeting. I suggest we use that to pitch the idea." she concluded and Tony nodded. 

"I think this could be a great opportunity for you and Stark Industries." Tony looked at Katie "and you'll get full autonomy over it as you'll set up your own sub-board to feed up into the PLC" This was amazing. She looked at Steve who nodded encouragingly. “What is it you keep saying to me? You’ll never know until you try?” he smiled at her. She took a deep breath and looked around the table before throwing caution to the wind and letting out a huge grin. "Ok. Fuck it. Let's do it." **** After another half an hour or so of chatter, and a bottle of champagne to celebrate Katie's agreement to the business idea, everyone chipped in to clear the table before retiring to the plush living area of Tony and Pepper's floor for more drinks and chat. Then the alcohol  really did start to flow, Steve and Tony moving onto the scotch,  the soldier watching as everyone around him descended into that well recognised drunken haze. And then out came Drawing Without Dignity. A game he had never played before and frankly found vulgar, but couldn’t help but enjoy it. The game fast slid into chaos which was to be expected with an extremely competitive Super Soldier who had a natural advantage as he could actually draw, an equally competitive billionaire and a normally mild mannered scientist who also was quite cutthroat when it came to winning it turned out. Pepper and Katie spent most of the time sniggering at the bickering men, and at the point when they were laughing that much when it was their go, the 3 boys got so frustrated they banned them from playing. For that, the next time Steve asked her what one of the more risqué sayings meant (he had cringed at a fair few of them over the course of the evening) she lied to sabotage him earning her a full on Captain glare. "That was a pretty shitty thing to do." He grumbled at her as Tony and Bruce were both howling with laughter. "Not my fault Captain Sex Fiend doesn’t know what Rimming is!" Katie shot back, wiping away her tears. Steve had to bite back his own laugh at the ridiculous nickname instead he fixed her with another glare which she returned with a simple shrug of her shoulders. The game ended, and Steve and Tony called it a draw, which was probably the easiest thing to do since Pepper had stopped taking count and tallying towards the end. It was now well after 10pm and Steve looked around the room as Tony stood up, a little unsteady on his feet, teetering back over toe the bar.

“I think maybe we’ve had enough…” Pepper hiccupped slightly looked at Tony who had been reaching for another bottle of liquor, wheeled round slightly too fast causing him to stumble into the bar.

Katie cackled as Tony looked at Pepper “Shut up Mom.” he said, grabbing another bottle of scotch in one hand and the open bottle of Kristal the girls were drinking in the other. He walked carefully over towards the sofa, as he dropped down into it heavily, handing Katie who was on the floor in between Steve’s legs, her back resting against the sofa, the champagne. She took it and poured herself and Pepper a glass, quite pleased that she didn’t spill any.

“You know he… he can’t get drunk!”  Tony handed Bruce a now full glass, pointing to Steve.

“That’s sad…” Bruce surmised, taking a sip of his drink before Tony sat bolt upright, and pointed at the scientist.

“Hey, I wonder if Hulk can get drunk?”

“That’s an…that’s an…ex…exper-expediment I don’t think we should do.” Bruce shook his head, hiccups punctuating his speech.

“Absolutely not.” Steve shook his head as Katie cackled.

“But it would be for science purposes…” Tony pressed

Bruce wrinkled his nose and shook his head “No Code Green.” “Spoil sport.” Tony said.

They stayed for another hour or so, until Pepper fell asleep and Katie’s cheeks were flushed pink and when she asked for a bottle of water Steve knew it was time to go. After asking Tony if he needed help getting to bed, and the man declining, Steve stood up, surprised to find he actually felt a little bit of a headrush. Ok, so maybe the 3 bottles of that scotch had had a little effect after all, but he felt the fizziness ebbing away as he pulled Katie to her feet and she grinned up at him.

“Wanna carry me Soldier?” she asked.

He arched an eyebrow and in one swoop had her over his shoulder, causing her to shriek with laughter.

“Night!” she waved from her upside down position. Tony and Bruce waved distractedly from where they were now trying to mix some form of cocktail at the bar.

“You can put me down now…” Katie patted Steve on his back as they boarded the elevator. “Steve…”

He smirked to himself, ignoring her giggles and protests and didn’t put her down until they reached  the bedroom where he tossed her down on the bed and set about showing her exactly how thankful for her he was.

Tags

@the-omni-princess​

@momobaby227​

[bangtanstanst]

To-Don’t

Sometimes, life gets overwhelming. But Yoongi will gladly remind you of the things you tend to forget.

pairing: yoongi x reader

genre: fluff

warnings: none (unless you consider mentions of stress one)

word count: 1.8k

a/n: hi guys! Different day than usual, and I’m still kind of tired so I hope there are no typos that slipped through, but here’s the fic as promised :) I hope you like it!

masterlist

Deep breaths, you tell yourself, eyes fluttering closed as you force yourself to follow your own instructions. Deep breaths, you’ll be fine.

You open up your eyes, slowly breathing in through your nose, out through your mouth. You’re standing in the middle of your living room, heart pounding and muscles tense with stress. You don’t even feel like you can sit down somewhere, take the time to pour yourself a cup of tea, or take a hot shower and let yourself unwind for a second – your mind just keeps running, thinking back, thinking ahead. Ideas, tasks, worries. Things you said, things you’ll have to say, reports you have to write, cleaning you should be doing… and all of it is coming at you all at once. Like a ton of bricks that suddenly drops from the sky, bricks pulverising you in a split second. Everything you have to do, everything you should be doing –

It paralyses you.

It’s not necessarily that you feel like crying, or breaking down. It’s like your body is just refusing to do any of the hundreds of tasks on your list, and your mind is just playing along, keeping you rooted to your spot.

You let out a shaky breath, gaze flickering to the window. It’s dark outside. You know it’s late – a little past eleven, you figure. When you left your office around half past ten, you were the last to switch off the light at your desk. You’d trudged through an abandoned building, the only wave and smile you received coming from the night guard sitting at his spot at the entrance, feet propped up on his desk and leaning back to stare at his screen until morning. Your car had been the last to leave the parking lot, the sound of your heels clicking against the pavement echoing through the area.

And yet you’d been the first to come home.

It’s not like you’re not used to it, and it’s not like you don’t understand. Living together with Yoongi is both a blessing and a curse, if you’re being truly honest. You get to spend your downtime together, or those precious few minutes before you go off to work for the day, or your free days sleeping in, just resting in each other’s arms in a peaceful silence. The curse here is, though, that those days off, that downtime, it’s all few and far between, and those few minutes in the morning and at night are usually just that – a few minutes.

Which is exactly why you’re here, stressed, frozen, and alone.

You could just call someone, or text, just to vent your frustrations and move on. A good point. You could. Only one problem – you don’t have the fucking time.

At that thought, you suddenly jump into action, blood rushing through your veins as you grab your laptop and your phone, pulling up your to-do list for the coming weeks. Meetings, meetings, and even more meetings, prepare stuff for those meetings, write proposals, prepare pitches, call Anne, email IT department, brainstorm on new approach, help organise networking event. Make doctor’s appointment, check budget, clean bathroom, clean the whole goddamn apartment while you’re at it, get groceries before you run out of food, do the dishes, meal prep for the week. Do this, do that, and do more.

You’re internally screaming at yourself, wondering how the hell your fourteen-hour workday doesn’t seem to have made even the slightest dent in the infinite list of tasks in front of you. Are you working too slow? Should you have gotten more done today? Should you have stayed later? Maybe you should skip lunch tomorrow, or have it at your desk. It can’t be that bad, right?

You’re so busy stressing out that you don’t hear the front door open and close. Yoongi calls out your name from the hallway, seeing the lights switched on in the living room, but you don’t reply, too busy thinking and chewing on your pen.

“Y/N?” Yoongi repeats, dropping his bag on the ground and shuffling into the living room to find you on the couch. You hear his voice, know he’s saying your name, but you don’t find it within yourself to greet him properly. “Hey,” he greets you, frowning when you simply hum in reply, not turning to even look at him. He walks a little closer, stopping right in front of you and crouching down to your level in an attempt to make eye contact. “Hi,” he says once more.

You look up at him, a small smile breaking out onto your face. “Hi,” you say back, keeping your eyes on him, though he can see you’re thinking of something else – that you’re not really seeing him.

“You okay there?” he asks, head tilted.

You hum again, nodding a little, pen still in your mouth. “Yeah, I’m fine,” you reply absentmindedly. It’s not that you want to lie to him, not at all. It’s just such an automatic reflex that the words just slip out before you realise they have.

He doesn’t say anything, just raises an eyebrow and plops down next to you, getting a good look at your calendar and the notebook full of tasks.  “Oh?” he simply says, draping an arm around your shoulders.

It’s not much, but it’s more than enough to get you out of your shell, break right through the walls you’re so used to hiding behind. You drop your head in your hands, sighing shakily and rubbing your face. “No, I’m not,” you groan, subtly shaking your head.

He softly kneads your arm, shuffling a little closer to you. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to – you lean into him without hesitation, without needing to think about it, putting your laptop aside.

“I think I’ve got too much on my plate, Yoongi,” you whisper, voice suddenly hoarse as you finally admit what you’ve been silently thinking all week – hell, make that all month. Closing your eyes, you lean your head on his shoulder and enjoy the feeling of his arm around you, pulling you closer to him. With a groan, you add, “Why the fuck do I do this to myself?”

He pauses for a moment, his hand toying with some strands of your hair. “Because you’re ambitious,” he softly says. “And you want to do everything that seems fun or useful, and because you can’t say no to people when they ask you to do something.”

You snort, eyes still closed. There’s something about him, his presence, his touch, something that just takes away your stress, takes away the paralysing feeling of your mind and body telling you to hurry, hurry, hurry. “Gee, thanks.”

“I didn’t say it was bad,” he tells you, nimble fingers running through your hair. You let out a sigh in content, snuggling closer to him. “It’s just who you are.”

“Great,” you mutter, “so I’ll be stuck in this state until I die of a heart attack in five years.”

He sighs a little, sitting back to look at you. Your eyes flutter open as his touch fades, looking up at him in slight confusion. “You also have a slight tendency to make things seem worse than they are,” he pointedly tells you. You open your mouth to defend yourself, but your boyfriend knows you all too well for you to really be able to protest his words. “Let me see that list,” he demands, holding out his hand.

After a brief moment of hesitation, you turn and grab the notebook from the couch, handing it to him. He looks down at it, eyebrows furrowing together in a subtle frown as he focuses on reading the words. Without much thought, you lean forward, smoothing the skin between his brows with your thumb, a gesture that has him briefly looking up and smiling at you before he looks back down.

“See, this is what I mean – you don’t have to clean the apartment, there are expert cleaners we can hire to do that,” he begins, grabbing a pen and striking through some of the tasks listed. “I know the work stuff seems like a lot, but I know you, and I know you blast through these things, no problem,” he tells you without looking up. “And I can get groceries tomorrow after rehearsal, no big deal. We’ll do meal prep tomorrow night instead of watching a movie, and you can call the doctor tomorrow morning before work, it’ll take you like five minutes.” He keeps striking through tasks as he talks, and you wince every time he does so. “And I’m sure our budget is doing fine, you can move that to next week at the earliest.” He falls silent for a moment, pausing before scribbling something at the very bottom of the page, where you know there’s exactly one white line left for you to write on. “You forgot something, too,” he finishes, looking up at you as he puts down the pen.

You frown a little, lips parting as you sit up, trying to get a look at what he’s added. “What?” is all that comes out, mind running in all directions, muscles tensing, stress returning. “What did I forget?”

Seemingly unfazed, he turns the notebook in his hands so you can read the page, and he says the word the same time as you read it. “Relax, you idiot.”

You let out a long breath, undeniably relieved there’s not another mammoth task waiting for you to finish. “You scared me,” you mumble, though his gummy smile melts away any annoyance you possibly could’ve had.

“It’s the only way to get you to listen these days,” he says with a grin, closing the notebook and tossing it onto the coffee table. “Now,” he says, arm sneaking around you to pull you into him. “Let’s forget about what you have to do later and just relax now, okay?”

You hum, arms wrapping around his torso. “Can’t say no to that,” you mumble, eyes fluttering closed once more as you settle onto his chest.

There’s a short silence, in which he starts to slowly play with your fingers, and you listen to his heartbeat to ground yourself, distract from what are still thoughts about tasks you have to do, tasks you can still do if you just…

“How was your day?” you ask, interrupting your own train of thought before you know you’ll spiral.

“Tiring,” he replies lowly, the word coming out with a soft sigh. “But it was okay,” he adds, sending you a small smile. He doesn’t say anything else, but you know not to pry, at least not now.

“Bed?” you ask instead, raising your head from his chest to look up at him.

He smiles at you. “Bed.”

a/n: thanks for reading, I hope you liked it! Can you tell I let life inspire me? ;) Don’t forget to send me your reactions/feedback, I’d love to hear from you :) Hope you have a great day/night wherever you are!

masterlist

[lovemesomesurveys]

What battery percentage is your phone on right now? 97%. Do any medical afflictions run in your family? Some family members on my dad’s side have had cancer and diabetes runs in my mom’s side. Who did you last talk to in person and what did you say? My mom and brother. I was just talking about how I was hungry and if they were going to go soon to get the food. What’s your favourite Mexican dish? Burritos. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yeah.

How far do you live from New York City? The previous survey just asked me how far I live from New Jersey. Anyway, it would also take about 43 hours by car,  5-9 hours by plane. How often do you talk to your parents? Everyday, all the time. We live together and we’re close. What was the weather like in your town today? It rained a bit off and on and was super windy. Are there any phrases or words that you say a lot? “I don’t know.” ha. How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you ever had? One, technically. I always count what Joseph and I had, whatever it was. Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yeah. What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with? In theaters it was Glass. I saw it with my mom. What’s the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend? Derek. Do you clean your ears daily? No. It’s not good to do that. What accent do you have? A California one? It’s weird cause I don’t think of myself having an accent, but I guess we all do. What scent of air freshener do you keep in your bathroom? A lavender scented one. Have you ever dated a model? No. What’s the best job you’ve ever had? Never had a job. How about the worst? Do you have naturally straight hair? It’s more wavy. What is your ultimate goal in life? I just want to get to a good place health wise, both mentally and physically. That’s my main thing right now. Some things I’ll always have to deal with, but I would like to be able to get to a place where things are better managed. I don’t want my health to hold me back and have this hold over my life anymore. Have you ever visited someone in prison? Yeah. What months were you and your siblings born in? I was born in July, my younger brother was born in February, and my older brother was born in November. Do you write down your passwords in a physical place to prevent losing them? Yeah. What are your three favourite vegetables? Broccoli, spinach, and corn. How many times a day do you check Facebook or any other social network? I go on there at least a couple times a day. I don’t spend much time on it, though. I just scroll through the feed for a few minutes. When was the last time you had a blocked nose? Back in January. Who is your favourite comedian? I don’t have one What colour are the socks you’re wearing today? Black. What did you have for dinner last night? Salisbury steaks and mashed potatoes. What was the last concert you went to? Green Day back in 2009. Are you an ugly crier? Yeah. I’m just ugly, ha. What scent is the soap or body wash you use in the shower? Soap scent. Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? No. Who do you live with? My parents, younger brother, and doggo. What letter does your street name begin with? Nah. Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? I tweeze them. When was the last time you ate at McDonald’s? January some time. What’s your favourite Popsicle flavour? Not a Popsicle fan. Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? I don’t recall. Do you have any injuries at the moment? Yeah. A permanent one (spinal cord injury) and something else. Have you ever been to an ophthalmologist? No. I’ve been to the optometrist, though. Do you own any animal print clothes? No. Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? I’m short. When was the last time you went to a drug store/pharmacy? I haven’t been myself in quite awhile. My mom picks up my medicine. Do you ever binge-watch TV shows? Yeah. Have you ever mustered up the courage to tell someone how you feel only to be rejected? Yes. Twice. Good times. Actually, it was a few times with Joseph. Do you keep your files and documents organised in one place? No. I need to be better with that. What’s your favourite sweet treat to bake? Cupcakes. Are you good at flirting and letting people know you’re interested? Ha, no. What did you have for breakfast today? Eggs and fried potatoes. Do you prefer sweet or savoury breakfasts? Savory. Do you like chick-flicks? Yeah. Have you ever taken an acting class? Actually, yes. Two. :O What is your favourite kind of berry? Strawberry. When was the last time you watched one of your favourite movies? I’m watching one now. How often do you use Youtube? Everyday. I listen to a lot of ASMR, and I also watch some vlogs. Do you prefer Prince or Michael Jackson? Well, I liked a lot of Michael Jackson’s music, but now with everything currently going on and all the allegations... What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever dressed up as for Halloween? Nothing all that cool. Are you ignoring anyone right now? Not intentionally, but that is what has happened. :/ How do you usually style your hair? Up in a pony tail. I don’t do anything with my hair. I grew it out down to my butt after having the short “bob” hairstyle for awhile, and shoulder length before that, only to do absolutely nothing with it. Part of me wants to cut it short again because I just don’t have the energy to deal with the maintenance of long hair and it’d be so much easier, but ugh it took so long to grow it out like this. I’m torn. Do you have any tattoos? Tell me about them. Nope. Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? I’ve never worked in a store. Or anywhere. I’ve witness someone shoplifting before, though. When was the last time you used a stove? Yesterday. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? Seafood. Are you sitting, standing or laying (or something else) right now? I’m always either sitting or lying down. How many hours per week do you typically work? What was the last pill or tablet you took? My pain med. How far away from your house is the closest grocery store? Less than a 5 minute drive. Have you ever lived in university/college campus housing? No. Who was the last person you complimented? My mom. Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you’ve slept plenty? Haha I never feel like I’ve slept plenty. Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment? No. The age old question: dogs or cats? Dogs. When was the last time you saw your best friend? I see my mom all the time. Do you know any couples who resemble each other? No. Have you ever been fired from a job? Why? Are you tired right now? Always. Do you like spring rolls? Yeah. What do you live on in terms of a street, road, crescent, place, court etc? Street. How many purses or handbags do you own? A few. Do you get along with all your aunts and uncles? Yeah. I’m not close with all of them, but yeah we get along. Have you ever eavesdropped and heard something you didn’t want to hear? Yes. When was the last time you used a pen, pencil or marker? I used colored pencils this afternoon. What’s your favourite type of curry? I don’t eat it. Do you often go to do or say something and then just forget? Not often, but it happens now and then. Who makes you laugh the hardest? My doggo and brother. Have you ever had casual sex? No. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? Food. What’s the last letter of your middle name? Nah. If your phone rang right now from a number you don’t know, would you answer? Nope. How long is your hair? It’s down to my butt. What was your first pet’s name and how did you pick that? Scruffy. I don’t recall how we picked that name, I wasn’t even 5 years old, yet. Do you drink diet or regular soda? Regular. Have you ever been to Europe? No. I’d love to go, though. Do you worry about your own health? All the time. It’s something I worry and deal with every single day, all day. Who did you last make plans with, and what plans did you make? I haven’t made plans in a long time. Can you smell anything right now? No. How old were you when you got your first cell phone? Like 16. When was the last time you bought a pair of shoes? Myself, personally... I don’t recall. The last few pairs my parents got for me for Christmas or my birthday. Do you like fruit and vegetable combo juices? I can’t get behind putting vegetables in my smoothies. lol. Everyone says you can’t taste them when mixed with fruits, but it just sounds gross. Have you ever been on a spring break trip? Yeah. Would you rather be warmer or colder right now? Colder. How tall are your highest heels? I don’t wear heels. What’s your favourite flavour of frosting? Vanilla. When did you wake up today? 530 at first, then about 8ish. Do you change your appearance often? No. What colour are the street signs in your town/suburb? Green. Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook? Why? No. How many people do you work with? What was the last thing you ate? Burger King chicken sandwich and fries around 130 this afternoon. It’s now 930 at night. Normally I would have had dinner by now, but first there were car troubles that prolonged things and now the place we got takeout from is busy and it’s taking forever. Ughhh. Do you have any plans for three hours in the future? No. Has anyone ever made a comment about your weight that offended or upset you? Yes.

[prettywordsyouleft]

Domestic! Seongwoo

Another Domestic! Idol request! I’m hopeful this turns out well; it’s been awhile since I did Daniel’s! Like his, this will have the same headers (minus pets), so let’s get started! If you didn’t catch my Daniel one (it’s linked at the bottom), this is based on living together.

Morning routine:

Wakes up before you almost every morning just to get his fill of you before the day begins

You soon learned to set an earlier alarm because Seongwoo is the clingiest when he first wakes up

Lots of kisses and cuddling

Will even get up following you across the bed so he doesn’t have to let you go yet

More kisses as you work your way around the room to get organised for the day

Claims the extra attention in the morning is because he has to make up for all the hours you slept, but really he just cannot get enough of you

Reluctantly parts for you to get ready, though sometimes you share a shower because he can’t wait to be with you again

Because saving water is a good thing, okay

And it’s always platonic; the shower literally isn’t big enough for the two of you anyways

That’s what the bathtub is for

Makes sure you always eat breakfast together

“We’re starting out the day right this way.”

Chores:

Seongwoo isn’t really thrilled to clean

Who is? Hwang Minhyun

And he is kind of hopeless with it too? Like how he survived without you all this time, you still cannot understand

It’s not like he’s playing you either, he literally doesn’t grasp the concept of a washing machine at all

No matter how many times you show him, he always does something with the settings to throw it off

HATES dishes, and if you make him do them, he’ll just stand there moping and doing a really bad job

Or worse, just conveniently “forgets” them and you find the sink full when you get home later on

Can be the cause of arguments

And somehow you’ve just adjusted to doing more than your share too, because even bribery or threats don’t work

But now and then you’ll come home and find the entire house somewhat in a better shape than it was beforehand

And it’s not because he’s enlisted the help of Minhyun

Though sometimes he’d love to

He just felt like tidying up so you could spend more time with him

And he always wonders why he doesn’t help more, because now he’s gained an entire hour with you

But overall, old habits die hard and he’s back to not really pulling his share again, don’t get your hopes up

Cooking/Food:

Now you’re speaking his favourite language, anything with food involved and you have his full attention

Loves watching you cook

Loves helping you getting in the way cook

Baking is a regular thing, but also brings out his impatient side (check out Baking with Ong Seongwoo here)

Insists that all meals must be shared together as much as they can be, and there always seems to be something magical about sitting down together for dinner, discussing your day and just endless smiles at each other

Grocery day is his favourite day of the week

It’s the one you dread the most, every plan you always come up with failing

He loves putting in all the foods off the list, and you feel like you’re dealing with a child, having to tell him no and to put it back all the time

I mean, why would you possibly need five boxes of ramen when you hardly eat ramen at home?

Always bribes you with chocolate, so now he has two boxes of ramen

But hey, your chocolate is in there too

Being fed well, or knowing he’s about to be always makes his skinship increase

Like he’s got to show you physically how appreciative he is that you make delicious food for you both to enjoy

FOOD KISSES – check out for more about this HERE

Downsides to living together:

You both bicker more than when you lived apart

But most of the fights are trivial and you can get passed them easily

Cleaning is always one sided

And Seongwoo doesn’t like that you choose to sometimes spend your down time alone when he’s home, bringing out his more attention seeking mannerisms

But to be honest, living together works better for your relationship overall, because you see more of one another now

Errands/Schedule:

Is a little lost if you ask too much of him in one go

If you get him to just do one errand at a time, you bet he’s going to pump through that with the best intentions, but five all at once will be too overwhelming for him

And he’ll generally always forget something

Usually the most important thing that you stressed five times was needed to be done today, oops (best to just do those ones yourself)

You tried using an app on your phone that would show your schedule and the errands of the week, but Seongwoo always forgets about it, frustrating you a little when he asks why he wasn’t told of something

“If you just checked the app, you would have known I had the dentist today and would be late.”

“Couldn’t you just text me so I’d not think you’ve been kidnapped or something?”

“For someone so worried about me being missing, you’re looking pretty relaxed there eating those cookies.”

“I was stress eating them, okay?!”

The type of guy that does well if you set reminders on his phone to blare at him, as opposed to putting in the effort to check for himself

Hence why you both have a very open mobile phone policy, just so you can make his life easier

And for some reason this doesn’t seem like extra work for you at all, just wanting to help him be more efficient too

Night routine:

Weekly masks together (he eats the ingredients as you make them)

Cuddle down time watching tv or movies

Assists you when getting changed into your pjs sometimes, not in a sexual manner, but more so because he loves helping you be comfortable out of your work clothes

Loves being able to hold you close and whisper sweet nothings to you

Literally, sweet nothings like, “did you know that strawberries are on special this week?”

“Ong Seongwoo!”

“What, fruit is an important part of a well balanced diet!”

Your sofa’s throw cushions had done more beating in their lives than they were designed for

And he loves riling you up, because it makes him so happy seeing you all flushed and annoyed with him, often leading to kissing you until you beg him to stop and let you breathe from all the laughter

Playful conversations and touches

Drags you off to bed complaining he’s exhausted and wants to sleep with you in his arms

Proceeds to talk and play around with you for another hour before you’re whining at him to let you rest

Insists you lay with your head over his chest every night

“So you can fall asleep to the beat of our love.”

Cheesy as, but it works every time

Downtime:

When Seongwoo is home, he expects to spend as much time together doing whatever you both want to do

Meaning, he wants to be together, always

Loves day trips out so you can take photos of each other

Staying home and taking photos of you in the weirdest positions, like cleaning out the oven

Clings to you as much as he can

Tired days where all you do is snuggle on the sofa encircled with junk food and good entertainment to recover from the daily grind

Can be really dramatic towards you, likes giving you frights

Especially when he feels your own individual hobbies are taking away from his “couple time”

Most of your free hours together aren’t super productive, that’s for the rest of your week

Almost like a healing experience every time, and you admit that even if you didn’t quite finish that book you were aiming to have done this week, that seeing Seongwoo laugh so much had been the best way to spend your time

You didn’t need to revel in some other world, when you had a perfectly amazing one to enjoy at his side

Arguments:

You naturally both bicker a lot, but it’s never something substantial

It also spices up life, both having an element to your relationship of finding the other irresistible when worked up

A couple of times a year you have big blowouts, and they can be pretty explosive

But it doesn’t hinder the flow of life together because as expressive as they are at the time, you both work to solve any issues you may face promptly

Seongwoo does get bitter and jealous easily, but these don’t really cause too many arguments, just him demanding more of your attention, and your body, if you get me

Finances:

Spends more than you do

Likes to shower you in gifts, but anything that’s needed for the household always seems to come out of your account

The washing basket? You bought it

The new vacuum? Why would it make sense to both buy that when he hardly uses it?

But since the apartment is still under Seongwoo’s name and he pays the rent, you don’t complain too much

And you tried to make things more equal, even suggesting to open a bank account together, but he refused, liking the way it is right now

Which is why you’ve been the one saving up on the side, putting the money you used to spend on rent away for a rainy day

Knowing Seongwoo wouldn’t plan that far ahead, always wanting to live the most impacting life in the present with you

But he didn’t discredit a future with you either, it was a given in his mind

He didn’t put weight into planning ahead with you, because he just knew everything would fall into place, much like you had into his world

______________________

All rights reserved © prettywordsyouleft

Other Wanna One members in this series: Daniel

Other scenarios to match in with this: Different Kisses with Ong Seongwoo

[Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

[faces-in-unexpected-places]

Do You Have the Time? Episode 007: Family

[March 26th, 2018, 11:53]

Madison stood outside of the main chemistry building with her headphones on and scrolled through various apps on her phone. She had tied her windbreaker around her waist because the weather decided to cooperate half-way through the morning. March was never a predictable month where she lived. Some days were freezing, others were windy, some snowed, and even more variants were sunny. Today was supposed to be freezing, but all patches of snow were gone by 10:00. A glare pierced her retina, and she shielded her face with her free hand. And look who decided to come out today. Luckily for Madison, the impossible-to-perceive changes made by the climate’s spring season often left her backpack riddled with useful things. Usually they were left unintentionally hidden somewhere on account of the sudden need for some other seasonal accessory in the past, but she wasn’t about to start doubting her convenient and forgetful way for coming through for her future self now.

Madison rifled through the various pockets and compartments of her bag for her pair of sunglasses. Within the minute, she found them stowed away in some place she has no recollection of putting them in. In that moment, she could feel the sun. She put her Ray-Bans on.

People complimented her on her sunglasses a lot, which surprised her when she bought them. At first, she was worried that she might look too much like Harry Potter because the lenses were circular; but she later decided that it didn’t matter. Harry Potter was freaking awesome and if someone said that she did in fact look like him, then it would have been the kindest words they could have given her. She wondered if Harry wore round sunglasses just like his regular prescription. So long as he had a separate pair of sunglasses that were prescription and he didn’t have those clip-on lenses that old people use. Maybe sixty-year-old HP would use them.

Madison hummed in her thoughts and chuckled. 

She wondered if Leopold wore those kinds of glasses. Immediately after, Madison remembered that Leopold did not wear prescription glasses to begin with, so the clip-ons would be pointless. The clip-ons did seem useful, though. If she could pull off regular, circular sunglasses, maybe she could sport some prescription glasses with sunglass clip-ons. She supposed the only conflict standing in her way was that she had 20/20 vision.

She opened her web browser on her phone and typed ‘how to damage your eyesight’. Something about her train of thought and actions caused her to erupt in laughter. Surprisingly, the first few search results are exactly what she was ‘looking for’. She rolled her eyes at the idea, chuckled and returned to her various phone apps. Jeremy was four minutes late. Maybe she would hassle him for his obvious inaccuracy. Her grin strengthened on her face as she considered the idea. A message appeared at the top of her screen while she was on her entertainment high. The last thing she wanted to see at the moment.

‘General Chemistry I: Grade Posted 11:54’.

Her smile wore away and she opened up the notification. Might as well get it over with as soon as she could. The reason that she was let out early, that she hid from the group chat, was because today was an exam day. Her third exam out of five. And she also happened to be blessed with a professor who is so eager to mark all of her wrong answers that he does so before the official end of the class period. Exam III: 71%, C-.

Madison sighed and shut off the phone’s screen. Stuffing it back into her pocket felt like the best course of action in response to that news. Just in time, Jeremy pulled up in front of the chemistry building for her. Eager to leave campus, she leapt down the stairs and threw herself into the passenger seat of the car. Jeremy quietly acknowledged her and set them on course for home.

“So, what happened with the lab?” Madison asked, expecting further explanation from the group chat..

“Leslie and I made some headway before actual work started, but once it did, Sophia came in and shut it all down,” he replied flatly.

“God, what did she do?”

“Found a way to ‘evacuate’ us because of some suspected gas leak.”

“Damn. Is it legit, do you think?”

“Not sure. We didn’t have enough time to really investigate it. We just took everything we could and left before they kicked us out,” he explained, “I had to take IO to stay in the robotics lab.”

“Oh, poor little guy. That sucks.”

“The robotics lab… that Sophia volunteers in,” he said uncomfortably.

“What?” Madison yelped and turned towards him, “Why would you do that?”

“What else could I have done, Madison?” he replied, sharply, “I have no other spaces to keep IO in. You know what happens if we keep him in the apartment.”

“I know, but Sophia? Really?”

“She’s not the only one that works there. And she’s a volunteer anyway. I’ll keep in touch with IO the whole time our lab is closed.”

“Well, good luck. Hope the poor thing is okay.”

“Yeah, me too.”

There was a silent lull for a few minutes. Madison tensely looked out the window while Jeremy drove without uttering a word. She brainstormed ways to break the awkward static before they arrived at their apartment.

“So you and Les spent some alone time together this morning then, huh?” She joked.

“Madison, please.”

“Okay, okay, sorry.”

Another awkward silence. So, he definitely didn’t think that was funny.

“Are you excited for the research-dinner party?” She asked.

“I suppose,” he answered, “It’ll be nice to update Leopold on what Leslie and I put together. I’d really like to get this preliminary stuff out of the way, and start testing our hypotheses.”

“I’m excited to see Leslie’s place!” She added, “She’s so organised, I bet it will be super clean and stuff.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it will be,” Jeremy said in a lighter tone, “What do you think you’ll do in the meantime before it’s time to leave?”

“Ehh… not sure. Maybe dick around online for a bit. I can only take so much of being aggressively average at chemistry before I decide to give it a rest and waste my time on the computer.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll let you know when it’s time to go,” Jeremy said as he pulled into their parking space outside of their apartment complex.

It didn’t take long for Jeremy to disappear into his room after they managed to make their way up the stairs and into their apartment. Madison entered her own room, slumped down into her bed and rested her body. She could feel her limbs get heavy as she stared up at her ceiling mobile decorated with different coloured leaves. She felt that adult mobiles were a far under-appreciated invention. 

Despite the tense silences that happened in the car, she felt that her conversation with Jeremy ended on a definitively neutral tone, rather than a hostile one. She’d take neutral over that any day. The only thing left for her to do, that she could think of, was brush up on all board games that Leslie may have, so that she could wipe the floor with her, Jeremy and Leopold at the party.

Jeremy let his backpack plummet to the floor and settled onto his bed, facedown on the mattress. He laid still for a few minutes, simply letting the tension out of his limbs. It hadn’t occurred to him how stiff he was throughout the day. From working with Leslie, getting frustrated with GraviTime, having an altercation with Leslie, having numerous confusing altercations with Sophia, and then talking to Madison on the way home. Though thankfully, their last conversation didn’t seem as difficult as their previous ones.

He rolled over to the side of his bed to inspect the papers in his bag. There was a large folder that he had almost forgotten about. It was filled with lab reports from the 1 credit hour undergraduate physics lab course that he was a teaching assistant for. He was grateful that the university offered him a contract to TA one of the lab courses for money in addition to giving him a stipend. Renting his room in the apartment would have been difficult without the deal. Despite the variety of kids he saw in an introductory course, it was actually a refreshing way to spend his time. Grading needed to be finished by the 28th.

Before surrendering to the pull to the bed, Jeremy sluggishly ambled off of his bed and knelt down in front of his ant farm sitting on a small stand near his door. It looked like the microcosm might need some water soon. He wondered how ants were so structured and coordinated. As did everyone with an ant farm, he supposed. If these ants could thrive and build with only the limited resources provided in their space, then surely he and everyone else could function a few days without the lab. Maybe he would work on an idea for an alternate location to do work like Leslie did with her dinner party.

[March 26th, 2018, 14:40]

Leslie shambled up the last flight of stairs with various reusable grocery bags filling her hands and hanging off her body. She struggled down the hallway, huffing and contorting her body to keep the bags from tipping and spilling her dinner ingredients. At last, apartment 4 on the third floor. She beamed in relief, but the expression quickly faded. She needed to unlock the door. A faint sigh escaped as she shuffled her purse around until she could access it. With just a few seconds to spare, Leslie managed to unlock her door, get inside and drop half the bags down on her dining room table. Another moment, and there may have been a messy disaster. She relieved herself of the burden from the bags slung over her shoulders, and slumped down into one of the chairs at the dinning room table, rubbing her arms.

Looking about her apartment, she immediately began picking apart the things that needed to be fixed before her guests arrived. Too many objects on her coffee table in front of the couch, all surfaces needed dusting, dishes needed to be done, groceries to be put away. The list of things was never ending. Leslie was having difficulty with her living room for one major reason. Her television sat close to her front door; in front of it was her coffee table, and then the couch. And she had her matching ottoman off in the corner, because there was not enough room for everything. Her issue was that she spent very little time watching TV; and what if there was not enough room for everybody to sit after dinner? The TV might be in the way, or one of them could have to sit close to the door, and they might be uncomfortable with that. She could already feel the party was going to be a mess. She should just take that spot herself to circumnavigate any other disaster.

Leslie shook herself out of her ceaseless train of thought and switched on her ambient sound generator sitting on the bar that bordered the kitchen. She preferred to have some sort of noise while she was home, and music and TV were both too distracting. Would they think her sound generator was weird or uncomfortable without any other noise? Maybe she should play music for them. Her favourite soundscape came on and played sounds of ocean waves and a crackling fire. Tones like those swept her away into a peaceful future, lacking the constant stress and demand for work. She could float away for a moment or two. Maybe one day she could let go of it all. It could be her and Leopold sharing in the beauty as lifetime friends. Jeremy and Madison could come too if they wanted. She was sure that they would find a way to be content. Her cell phone suddenly blared its ringer. Leslie jumped right out of her daydream. She leapt back to the dining room table and scrambled for her phone. It rested between her ear and her shoulder as she hauled bags of groceries to the kitchen counter.

“Hi mom,” she said in her cheery voice, excited to talk. Conversation usually kept her worries at bay. She unpacked the bags and searched for the ingredients’ rightful places.

“Good afternoon, darling. How are you?” her mother responded with a warm and firm tone.

“Good! Just got back from the store with some food. I’m having a little get-together tonight, so I wanted to make a good meal for everyone. What do you need?” She asked, ready to help.

Mrs. Goodchild disregarded Leslie’s question by refusing to acknowledge it. A trace of grief was left in her tone, as she responded to her daughter.

“Oh, a get-together, huh?” she asked with hesitation, “That sounds like fun. What is the occasion?”

“It’s for work.”

“Oh. Well, good for you, sweetie. I’m sure Dr. Looney will be as big of a fan of your cooking as your father and I,” she said. Leslie pulled out the eggplants that she bought and set them off to the side on the counter.

“Aww, thanks mom. I’m glad you and dad liked it all so much. Thankfully the internet was passionate about making tutorials for so many dishes. It was a convenient hobby to have to hold down the fort for you two!”

The line went quiet and Leslie was perplexed. Her mother took a deep breath and cleared her throat.

“Yeah, Leslie, speaking of that…” 

“Yes?”

“Well, since you mentioned it… I’ve been thinking a lot about the way your father and I have been for a while. Our financial situation. And I wanted— uh, is now an okay time to talk, by the way?” 

“Yeah! Everything’s fine! I’m just cooking and cleaning, getting things ready for everyone later. I could use a bit of time away from the demands of science. What’s up?”

“I wanted to call and say that I’m sorry that we're still relying on you. I was thinking about how we still depend on you for things now, even though you moved out years ago. We shouldn’t have had to rely on you when you were just a little girl either, but we did. And I want to change that now. You were always a huge help to us both, and we we’re grateful for you stepping up, and being responsible and such a good sport. We still are! I’m just sorry that nothing has really changed, even though I said it would. I thought of something that I hope will make it up to you?” she said with uncertainty.

“I know that you’re sorry, mom, don’t worry. We’ve already talked it over before! It’s really okay, though. It was tough, and maybe I could have been doing other things in my spare time as a kid, but it was useful to me! Cooking and working aren’t such bad things. I like them enough to throw a party for my coworkers! And my house is always really clean because that’s what I did back home. It worked out for everyone!”

Milk in the fridge. Sauce in the fridge. Noodles go… they could go next to the eggplants.

Her mother sighed, and there was a moment of silence on the line.

“I understand, but. I just meant to call and say that it wasn’t fair for you. And maybe you can pursue some of the things you missed out on, now that you’re older and have the time,” she suggested, “My idea, if you wanted, is that you could move back to our house for a while to relax and not stress so much. We still have your room ready, and you wouldn’t be paying for rent in two different places, anymore…”

“It would be easier, but I do really like being out here, mom! I’m close to work and there’s more happening in the city. I’m happy to help you out!”

Bags get folded and placed in the cabinet furtherest from the dining room.

“Okay,” Mrs. Goodchild whispered, “Is there anything that dad or I could do for you?”

“No, I don’t think so!” Leslie said, absent-mindedly, “Is there anything I can do for you guys?”

“No, honey, thank you. You’ve done plenty for us.”

“Did you guys get my money transfer yet?” Leslie moved the conversation onward. She heard her mother shuffle some papers around and exhale.

“Yes, it’s right here. It’s a lot. You’re sure you won’t need at least some of this? It’s more than just the rent.”

“No, I’ll be fine! You guys need to fix one of the cars, right? You can put the rest towards that!”

“Your dad and I can handle those payments ourselves, Leslie.”

“Well, now you can handle them better! You’ll pay off the services faster.”

“Thank you, hun, that’s very sweet of you.”

“How has dad been?”

“Oh, you know your father. Still driving trucks for long hours. We’re hoping he gets a promotion soon, but… we’re not too sure. Time will tell, I suppose.”

“And you?” Leslie prodded.

“The restaurant hasn’t been getting as many customers as it did when we opened last year. I’ve been thinking about making a change, if things don’t look up soon.”

Leslie found the ground beef sitting out on the counter, and stuffed it in her fridge before she forgot again. She couldn’t remember how it got there.

“I’m sorry to hear that, mom. I hope things look up soon.”

“I hope so, too,” she said quietly.

“Maybe, to take your minds off of it, you can both make a trip out here and we’ll all spend the day together!” Leslie suggested with enthusiasm.

“That would be wonderful. Your father would be excited to do that.”

“Good! We should plan that soon!”

“Yes, we should. In the meantime though, I’ve got to start getting ready for work, okay?”

“Okay!”

“It was nice to hear your voice again, honey. Have fun with dinner and everyone tonight, and be sure to say hi and thank you again to Dr. Looney for all of his help.”

“I will! I always do,” she said with a sunny smile, “It was nice to talk to you too, mom. Have a good day at work, and I can’t wait to see you two again. Don’t worry too much about me!”

Mrs. Goodchild let out a breathy laugh.

“I’ll do my best, sweetheart. Don’t work too hard.”

“Impossible!” Leslie joked.

“Talk soon, darling. I love you.”

“I love you too! Bye-bye!”

Click.

Leslie leaned against the counter with a smile. She loved hearing from her parents. Especially her mom because she was always looking out for her. It was probably where Leslie got her consistently concerned disposition, too. Although, her mother is concerned with a serious undertone. The cheeriness likely came from her father, ultimately to form Leslie’s core expressions. Cheerful, concerned and eager to help. She chuckled as she thought about what an odd combination of traits that was to exhibit in someone. She wondered if anybody was ever perplexed at her demeanour. It wouldn’t surprise her. Leslie’s smile faded away as she kept her mother in her thoughts. It was flattering to be so concerned with Leslie’s wellness, but sometimes, she wished that her mom could relax about it. The hardest part for her was that she could do nothing to change her mother.

Leslie put her thoughts to rest again and distracted herself with the housework. If the house-party was going to be a success, she would have to hurry. The seating arrangement problem had been solved, but everything still needed to be dusted, and all clutter had to be organised and tidied. Disinfecting all surfaces would be a plus, although her time could run out before that happened. She scurried down the one hallway in her apartment that led past her bathroom, bedroom, and finally terminated at a small storage closet housing her cleaning supplies. Quickly, she delved into the tiny room dragging out a vacuum, a duster, and a spray bottle of disinfectant. The vacuum slipped away from her and swung the floor in her haste. Before she bent to pick it back up, a peculiar colour caught her eye. Something orange stuck to the door facing the inside of the closet. A post-it note. Leslie furrowed her brow and slowly picked it off the door.

“Relax and slow down. Try classical. Remember to have fun!”

The handwriting was awfully… chicken-scratchy. She wondered how long it had been in there. Maybe she’d been a little too focused on work and her parents lately to remember. Her apartment did need a decent cleaning up, so it could have been there for quite some time. There was certainly something vaguely familiar. Was it the colour? Or the placement? An involuntary sigh sheepishly escaped from her mouth. She should be able to keep track of her own house, she’s an adult. She escorted the note down the hall and into her room, which also needed cleaning. Maybe she’d just close the door before they arrived. If she ran short on time, of course. Leslie precariously hid the note away in her nightstand drawer and returned to her storage closet mess with a foggy mind.

“Classical what?” she asked aloud and glanced back to her bedroom door, as if there would be a response. She shrugged and dragged her cleaning supplies to the living room. The most efficient order of tasks would be… clutter, clean the surfaces, dirty dishes, vacuum, then cooking. And closing her bedroom door. Cooking was the most important, because it is not a dinner party without dinner. Her computer and notes needed to be easily accessible, too. It wasn’t a research dinner party without the research.

The top priority was supposed to be work, after all. Briefing Leopold on the progress that she and Jeremy made that morning. She wondered if Jeremy felt comfortable coming to her house. Partly because of the end of their last personal conversation, and partly because he seemed slightly uncomfortable with everything in general. She chuckled to herself. Hopefully everything would go well. Leslie resolved to simply make the most of the night to the best of her ability. Cooking, cleaning, research, activities, whatever got done would get done.

As long as the four of them were happy, she could consider the party a good one.

[03–26–2018; 18:12_Research_Video_Log_002_START]

“Doo doo-doo doo-dooooooo,” Madison sang and pranced behind Jeremy on the way to their car. Their apartment complex’s parking lot was decently packed, and the sky was a deep blue. The sun would be setting in about thirty minutes. Jeremy looked back at her.

“What are you doing?”

“I feel like you guys should be taking advantage of this camcorder by doing more science vlogs.”

“They’re research video logs,” he said.

“Yeah, same thing, nerd. You guys could be on YouTube!”

“Madison, we’re a theoretical physics laboratory, not a make-up tutorial channel.”

Her jaw dropped in surprise, she averted her eyes and her cheeks warmed up. “How did you know I watched those…” she asked quietly.

“I didn’t, it was just an example,” he said and shrugged as he climbed into the driver seat of their car.

“Oh, come on, that’s not fair!” Madison exclaimed, following his motions into the passenger side.

“You brought it on yourself.”

“And you brought this on yourself,” she laughed and zoomed the camera up on Jeremy’s face so that it covered the whole viewing window.”

“Please don’t do that.”

“Sorry, I can’t control it.”

“Yes, you can,” he replied tiredly as he started up the car and pulled out of the parking lot, “You do know that you’re wasting a lot of memory, right?”

“That’s what happens when you make a time travel documentary, Jeremy!”

“It’s not a time travel documentary. It’s supposed to be for recording our experiments and results.”

“A documentary is way cooler, though.”

“Okay, just… if you transfer that footage to your computer fast enough that running out of memory won’t be a problem in the lab, then you can make your time travel documentary.”

“YES,” she yelled, “You mean our documentary.

Jeremy sighed and groaned while coming to the first red light of the drive. “If I say yes, will you please just stop.”

“Okay, alright, fine, sorry,” she mocked, “…Can I interview you for the documentary?”

“I don’t promise accurate answers to ridiculous questions.”

Green light.

“So, mister, doctor Jeremy—”

“I’m not a doctor.”

“––what is your favourite thing about your amazing, one-of-a-kind sister?”

“How much she talks.”

“Really?!” she said with a laugh.

“No.”

“Oh,” she dismissed, “That’s lame!”

Jeremy kept his eyes on the road.

“Okay, how about this. What do you think Leslie is going to make for dinner?”

Jeremy furrowed his brow while he was thinking.

“Huh. I don’t know… maybe a family kind of dinner.”

“What? What even is that?” Madison asked.

He shrugged.

“I don’t know. Something families eat.”

“Wow, what an oddly vague and cryptic answer! As if family dinner food is somehow fundamentally different from everyone else's!”

“Whatever, Madison. I’m driving."

“Thank you for being here today mister, professor Jeremy—”

“Also not a professor.”

“—do you have any final words for the audience?”

“Not particularly,” he said.

“A man of few words, but eloquent, nonetheless.”

“Hey, look at the directions and tell me if that’s her apartment building,” Jeremy instructed, “I think it might be, but I want to be sure.”

“Oh, okay sure,” Madison said, as she distractedly pointed the view of the camera towards her lap to look at her phone.

[03–26–2018; 18:24_Research_Video_Log_002_END]

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

DOTW 20 - Full? Am thinking of leaving this one short

Dressed in a spare set of sweats and a hoodie, Eren was curled up with Titan in his lap. The fat feline was purring softly, while the omega snored. Getting Eren up to the apartment hadn't been a hassle, the omega tiredly asking if he could take a shower because he felt gross. Levi had expected Eren to complain, or to have forgotten that they were headed back to his place instead of home. In their absence Hanji had stopped by, dropping off Eren's medication with a small note telling him to "use a condom". He had no intention of rushing Eren off into his bedroom, at least not after watching the brat throw his guts up. And not while Eren was recovering. Being a gentleman, he'd let Eren showered first so he organise clothes for him, and straighten out the spare room. While he'd been showering, Eren had fallen back to sleep. If Titan hadn't been on his lap, he would have carried Eren into the spare room and settled him down there, but the pair of them together looked happy and comfortable. Titan really seemed to like Eren, which was a good sign considering he'd asked Eren to move in. Though his apartment was what Hanji called "sparse", it had everything he needed, and everything Eren would need. Erwin was the only one crazy enough to spend the night, and he was yet to complain. Thinking of the alpha, that reminded him that he'd asked Hanji to check Eren's bank accounts. His phone had been discarded next to this wallet and keys, but they were across the room, while he was in the kitchen making Eren dinner. In his time off, he'd found time to restock his pantry, with the help of online shopping. Finding a jar of cheese pasta sauce and a packet of pasta bows, he'd diced up some chicken and broccoli in an attempt to feed Eren. Normally he would have skipped the broccoli, if it was for just him he would have. Eren needed more vegetables in his diet, and it seemed to be the only acceptable vegetable available that he could add... and adding vegetables on the side seemed weird. The quiet of his apartment was broken by his phone ringing. Turning off the pasta, he jogged across the room, hoping to get to the device before it woke Eren. He didn't. Eren groaned and blinked at him in confusion as Levi answered Erwin's call. Seeing the phone, he started to move "It's ok, it's just Erwin" "I can go..." Levi shook his head, waiting until he'd reached the kitchen before finally sighing into the phone "What do you want?" "I'm outside your apartment. I brought food" "And you couldn't have knocked?" "My hands are full. Let me in" Well there went dinne "Give me a sec" He'd jinxed himself. Thinking about Erwin had somehow summoned him. Hanging up, he threw his phone down on the bench. Grabbing out a bowl, he dumped the chicken and broccoli in with the sauce. The pasta still needed a few more minutes "Eren, can you grab the front door for me? Erwin's outside and I need to clean this up" "Ok..." Yawning, Eren stretched high as he rose from the sofa. His shirt hiking up and exposing his left hip bone and part of his stomach... fuck... if he wasn't gay before, he definitely was now. He wanted to suck a deep possessive mark on Eren's hip... before making his way down... shaking his head at his own pervy thoughts. He'd never touch Eren without his permission. Unlocking the door, Erwin groaned as he came in "Hey Eren. I might have gone overboard here" "Is.. is that all food?" "Food and beer. You know, the important stuff" Closing the door behind him, he heard Eren do the chain. He didn't know if that meant Eren felt safe, or feared something was going to happen and insisted on taking him down with him "Eren, you can settle back down. Erwin and I will organise dinner, ok?" "Um, can I use the bathroom?" "Sure. Do you remember where it is?" "Yeah" Now that the pasta was finally cooked, he drained it as Erwin dropped the two bags on the counter behind him "So Eren's here?" "Yep" "Why isn't he at home?" "Marco invited him to the zoo, I was thrown an invite to babysit him" "Oh the horror. However did you survive?" Pouring the pasta into the bowl, he stirred it through. At least tomorrow's dinner was done. Half an hour in the oven and Eren would never know that it wasn't supposed to be a pasta bake "Yeah, well. It didn't go too well. Remember how Marco's pregnant? Well his alpha was there, and Eren ended up basically shunned. I wasn't impressed" "Is that why he's here? I just assumed Hanji and Moblit must both be working?" "No. They're probably home. Eren was pretty tired after the zoo" "And how's he going?" "I've asked him to move in" Erwin let out a long whistle, as Eren came out of the bathroom "Come take a seat over here, Erwin was just talking shit" "I don't want to intrude" He was going to ban Eren from the phrase "I don't...". The omega must have said it at least a hundred times today. Smiling, Erwin busied himself with the beer "It's fine, you're not intruding at all. Levi said you went to the zoo today?" "Yeah... with Marco and Jean" "How's Marco going?" "Good. He's 6 months along now" "Wow, over half way there. Is it a boy or a girl?" "They decided not to find out" Sitting at the small dining table, Eren watched Erwin. The omega didn't seem to mind him being there, but he was definitely on guard "Ah. Right. Hey, do you want a beer?" "No... I'm ok, thank you" At least the kid was sensible enough to know not to drink when was that dehydrated. Erwin pulled two beers out and cracked the tops, before looking at him expectantly. Levi didn't know what he was supposed to be doing now. His mind was off with Eren, worrying about the omega instead of remembering how to be a functioning adult "So are you getting the plates out?" "Right. Go wash your hands. Eren, Hanji dropped off your medication. Do you need to take any tonight? Or tomorrow morning?" "Tonight... I didn't take them this morning" "You can grab his meds off the coffee table on your way back" Erwin gave him a mock salute, walking off with his beer. Taking the take away containers out the bag, Levi stacked them back up and carried them over to the dining table "Sorry. I didn't know he'd be dropping over" "It's ok. If you want me to go..." "No. You're not going anywhere. You're my guest, he's just... furniture" Eren snorted, before covering his mouth "Just ignore him. I'll grab the plates, then grab you some water. You're probably still dehydrated" "Do you want any help?" "No, I've got this" "Oh, ok" Unable to help himself, he leaned down to kiss Eren on the top of the head, but the omega moved away. Well... that was slightly awkward "Sorry" "No. That was my fault. I wasn't thinking" "I... uh..." "Eren, you don't need to apologise or feel awkward. Do you remember what I told you?" "You tell me a lot of things" "Probably. I just mean... I don't want to make you feel awkward or anxious or upset. I didn't think about how you'd feel, and I know you don't know Erwin as well as I do. He cares about you, and he's kind of... my Hanji" "Your Hanji?" "Overbearing and worries too much, but his heart's in the right place" "I... I'm not scared. Maybe, anxious" "We're going to eat dinner and have a few beers, probably followed by some really crappy movie. If you want to go to bed, you can go anytime you want or need. The spare room is just in there, that first door. Titan's probably going to be in there, if you don't mind sharing with a fat cat" "Thank you" "You're welcome. If you do decide to move in, that will be your room. I need to grab those plates now" Reaching out with his cast hand, Eren grabbed his shirt, tugging him gently closer. Wrapping his arms around him, Eren gave him a quick hug before releasing him. From the bathroom of the doorway, Erwin was looking smug. Shooting him a glare, Levi headed back to the kitchen, ignoring Erwin completely. Conjuring a random chair from Levi's room, the three of them sat around the small dining table, which wasn't really made for three "So Eren, did you see anything interesting at the zoo?" "The snakes... they were kind of cool" "The danger noodles weren't cool" Erwin laughed "Sorry Eren, Levi really doesn't like snakes" "I noticed. But he was really cool. He took a few photos for me" "You willingly took photos of snakes?" "Eren decided he needed to have one of those scaly soul drainers draped over his shoulders" "It was harmless. It's a boa. They squeeze their prey to death" "You really had a snake wrapped around you?" "It was just over my shoulders and down my arm... Levi took photos" "That was a one off" "The foxes were cool too" Serving up for the three of them, it was hard when he wanted to dump the lot on Eren's plate and tell him to eat it all. Instead he started with a small portion for the three of them, Erwin following his lead and not saying anything about it "Foxes. What kind?" "Fen.. um..." "Fennec. And bat-eared" "Did you know you can keep fennec foxes as pets?" Eren shook his head "I don't think I want one as pet" "You don't?" "Some animals are better out in the wild" "That's very true. What about Titan?" Eren wrinkled his brow "What about him?" "Erwin, don't confuse him. You went from talking about the zoo, to talking about Titan" "I meant, what do you think Titan would think of the wild?" "Oh. He'd miss Levi. And his food. He's so fluffy, but heavy too. I don't think he'd be too happy" "No. He wouldn't. The arsehole rules this house" "He's not an arsehole... he's nice" "Trust me, he's nice until he gets what he wants. If he could buy his own food and empty his own litter tray, he wouldn't need me" "Don't be like that Levi, we all know how attached to that cat you are" "After Hanji dumped him on me" "He complains all the time, but he'd be lost without Titan" "I don't complain all the time" "He really does. Everything has to be clean and in its place. Watch, the moment we finish dinner, he'll be washing the dishes" Eren looked to him confusion "Isn't that what you're supposed to do? If you leave them, they're harder to do and it smells" Erwin laughed, choking on his beer "Oh. He is perfect for you. You've met your soulmate in this one" Levi loathed the term "soulmate" but couldn't deny it did feel incredibly right being with Eren "What did Hanji say... oh, that's right. The first time he met you, he said you looked constipated, before throwing out some awful pick-up lines" "My pick-up lines aren't awful" Eren picked up his fork, before placing it down and picking up his medication. The omega didn't really look happy at Erwin's joke "I'd take listening to Eren, over listening to your failed attempts any time" "My attempts aren't failures" "He strikes out all the time" "What Levi doesn't realise is that I know how much it gets under his skin, it's become a game to see how irritated I can make him" "Because you're a wanker" "His nickname is Ice Queen. Levi's become famous at saying no. He's quite popular with the women" "Yeah. Except for the fact I'm gay" "That never stopped them" "I really wish it would. I'm not interested" Zero interest outside of Eren, and that all depended on Eren. He wanted to treat him preciously, but he wasn't going to force anything on him... like the stupid kiss before. Taking his pills, Eren stared down at his plate. The kid still hadn't eaten, where as he and Erwin had both finished their served portions. If he didn't feed Erwin, the man might open his mouth and pull a Jean. Piling more food on his and Erwin's plate, he wished he knew the right words to get Eren to eat. Eren waited a few moments, before pushing his chair back "Sorry. I need the bathroom" Eren fled. Levi sighing to himself as he did. Placing down his knife and fork, he pushed his own chair back "Is he ok?" "Yeah. No. Not really. His weight is starting to become an issue. Zeke used to control his diet. I think he was getting better at eating, but being with Zeke again fucked that up. I need to check on him" "Does Hanji know?" "I'm not completely sure. She and Moblit are trying their hardest, but they're not home and he's still anxious and scared" "I think he's vomiting" "He's already done that today. We might be a while" "Should I go?" "No. He'll think he's done something wrong. Just sit here and drink your beer" Eren was curled over the toilet. The omega having thrown up a few handfuls of watery vomit. His whole body was shaking, as he whimpered softly. Walking over to him, Levi lowered himself to the bathroom floor, wrapping an arm around Eren's shoulder's and pulling him close "What's wrong?" "I..." "Eren, what's wrong? Was it dinner?" "I... can't eat" "You can't eat?" "No..." "Why not?" "Zeke told me... told me I can't" "Zeke isn't here" "He said... I shouldn't eat what I haven't paid for..." So Eren couldn't eat lunch unless he'd paid for it. Hanji didn't ask him for food money, so he felt he couldn't eat their food... no wonder the kid had been so fucking light "Eren. No" "I don't want to be bad" "You're not being bad by eating" "But if I eat, then it means less for you and Erwin" "Erwin always buys too much" "Zeke..." "Eren, Zeke is gone. He's not going to want you to starve yourself to death. He loved you, right?" "I don't know anymore... I couldn't save him" "I could have been there, and I couldn't have saved him. I'm sorry he died, but you need to live your own life now. Erwin brought dinner, enough for all of us. You're not taking away food, and you're not going to get any better if you don't eat. I don't expect you to go out there and eat everything, but please eat something" "You're not mad?" "No. I'm not mad at you at all. And when you move in, I'm going to put you to work" "Work?" "Yep. While I'm at work, I want you here, reading and learning new things. Taking care of Titan and looking after the apartment. That's your rent. When your hands all healed up, we can think about getting you a job. Getting you set up properly. Maybe even seeing about classes?" "Classes? I'm stupid" "You are not stupid at all. We're going to take this slow, but together" "Levi... why do you make me feel like this?" "Like what?" "Like everything will be ok. Like I can talk to you. Like... I like you" "Honestly. I have no fucking idea. I'm short, old and socially awkward. But you. I just keep doing what comes naturally, and occasionally fuck it up. But I want you to be happy. Happy and ok. I know you don't want us to worry. I know you don't want to be a burden. I don't find you a burden" "I do everything wrong" "No you don't" Eren looked up at him "If I move in, do you promise not to ask what happened" "Eren..." "I... I can't stop thinking about it. I keep seeing it. All the time. I don't want that... please. If I move in, please don't ask me. I can't tell, not now" Not now. That was better than not ever. He'd prefer if Eren did tell him. But "not now" didn't mean not ever "If you make a promise" "What?" "To see this as your home. Titan as your cat. The food in the fridge as your food too. I can see about getting a lock for your room. So you can have your heats in privacy" "My home was with Zeke..." "And your home can be here. I have work at all kinds of hours, but I'll always come home to here" "A home where you're waiting sounds... scary" "Good scary?" "Nervous scary... I'm not smart. I don't have a family. I don't have money and I can't even drive. I'm in therapy and even my therapist doesn't like me. My heats are messed up and I never know when they're coming. I don't even know how have a proper heat or how to take care of myself. I hurt myself. I don't know why... Levi, I don't want to waste your time. I don't... I don't want to ruin you... anyone but you. I don't want you to regret this" "I promise you I'm not going to regret this. You're already all I fucking think about. I wish you could see all the good things I see in you. You're more than just your bright eyes, brat. You're curious. You respect others. You care for others. You're not happy with just accepting being an omega. You want more. You want to learn. Today, you walked up and took that snake like it was nothing. You're brave" "I have nightmares" "You've told me that before" "Sometimes I wake up screaming" "Do you remember when you told me you have nightmares and I told you it's ok because you're not the only one?" "Yes..." "I have them too. My job isn't pretty. We don't always get there in time. Sometimes we get there just in time to watch someone die. I've seen really fucked up shit. Do you think any less of me for having them?" "No" "Then why would I think any less of you?" "Because you have work..." "So?" "You need sleep" "Most nights I only average a couple of hours, anyway. Like I told you before, we all have bad days" "Why would you do this? For someone like me. I don't think I can give you my body..." "I don't want your body. I want you. I mean, your body is beautiful. And it'll be even more so when you put some more weight on... that came out wrong. You're you. You're more than your body" "You're a weird alpha" "Yeah. Why do you think I never settled down? Everyone just seems happy to accept things the way they are. I've met an omega like you" "I like being with you... you make me feel safe" "And I will keep you safe" "Everyone who says that dies" "I'm not going anywhere. We're friends right?" "Yeah... I like you more than Marco" "I know how much you like Marco, so thank you for the compliment" "It's.. true. Alphas scare me. They scare me so fucking much, that I hate myself for it. But you're a good alpha" "I'm probably not as good as you think I am. I'm anal about keeping my apartment clean, and we're probably going to fight. But even if we do. I want you here. Even if we fight, I want you around. Where I know you're safe. We don't have to be more than friends. I know you need time. I know you went through some heavy shit, and that you need to sort shit out, but I want to work with you to help you be who you want to be... or some shit. I don't even know if I'm making sense right now" "You sound like... weird. I feel so nervous when you get like this. I like it when you're you. And cranky and sarcastic and when you get that crease between your eyebrows..." Everything that everyone else didn't like, yet he was forced to swallow down because of his profession. It hit him hard that while he'd been watching Eren, Eren had been watching him back. The shitty brat saw the things he'd hidden or at least tried to hide "... like right now. Can I still cuddle you? If I stay here?" "Yeah" "I think I maybe want to try... I mean, when Hanji has the baby... I'm so scared I'm going to freak out. That I'm going to do something without knowing it. It's scary not being able to trust yourself" "I know that feeling well. Are you ready to get off the floor?" "I'm sorry I got sick... and at the zoo" "It's been a long day, even longer for you. I get the feeling it was a combination of everything, just proving too much for you right now" "Mmm... I didn't feel very well... I was throwing up last night" He was dying to ask how long this had been going on for, but Eren really had had a long day. Right now the kid needed to eat, even if it was something small and to relax. Erwin was nursing his second beer when they returned. Sitting down, Eren immediately picked up his fork, though he still looked to him for silent permission. Nodding, Levi took his own seat "So. Good news. Eren's going to be moving in" Erwin smiled, the smile he used for work purposes and when he didn't know what was safe to say "Really? That's great. I'm sure Titan will love the company" "Yeah, and Eren's really good with animals in general. He had two deer fawns eating out of the palm of his hand today" "Only because it was a petting zoo. They're used to it" "Tell that to the deer that head butted Marco" "I don't think Marco found it funny" "Have you had pets before?" "No. Zeke didn't like pets" "And none before Zeke" Eren frozen. The omega taking a few moments, before letting out a long breath "No. Not that I can remember... I like Titan. He's so soft and warm" "He's massive" "So? He didn't choose his body... but his body is perfect" So Eren had gotten the meaning behind his words. He knew Eren wasn't terribly judgmental, but it was a step towards Eren being able to accept himself and his body. One conversation wasn't going to solve years of abuse, so they'd have that talk as many times as it took. After all, no one in the world is crueler to someone than themselves. When Eren finished his portion, he placed his knife and fork down, giving Levi a small shake of his head. The omega hadn't eaten much, but his stomach had probably shrunk. Rather than big meals, Eren would have to start with small snack meals more frequently. He'd have to order some fruit and nuts, and other small nibblies for when he wasn't home, but given he already intended to order a few things for Eren, that wasn't much of a hassle. As much as he loathed snakes, Eren had a real interest in animals. He was sure if he ordered him some books on different ones, the omega would be thrilled. He also wanted to see about getting text books so he could teach Eren basic math skills now that his comprehension and reading skills had improved so much. If he could see his own face, he was sure his lips would be in a dopey smile... and it was all because of the green eyed brat. * After dinner Levi had pulled out a couple of bottles of wine and glasses, while Erwin went about microwaving popcorn and filling a big bowl up with it. The two alphas had obviously been doing this for years. They moved around each other like it was nothing. Rinsing the dishes carefully, Levi filled the dishwasher. Eren had expected him to do it by hand, but the alpha was probably tired. He'd put up with, and looked after him all day. He didn't deserve someone like Levi. He'd wanted to move in when Levi had offered, but was scared he'd ask what happened... Now he had a promise that Levi wouldn't... and Levi wouldn't break his promise. Moving from the kitchen to the living area, Eren didn't know what to do. He didn't want to interrupt Levi's time with his friend, yet his anxieties wouldn't let him go to bed, not with Erwin in the apartment. He felt bad. He knew Erwin was nice, and important to Levi "Eren, are you going to come watch the movie with us?" "What is it?" "We don't know. Usually we pick the really bad horror movies. The ones that are so bad they're predictable, and go from there" "Is it ok?" "Sure. You can sit between us, or I can give you the corner, or you can sit in the recliner" "I'll sit in the recliner" He hadn't wanted to sit there before because it seemed like Levi's spot. Sinking into the soft fabric, it was like being surrounded by the alpha. A small purr bubbling up "Do you want the blanket? You look cold" "I'm ok" "How about the lights? Off or on?" "I... don't know" "Levi, stop pestering him" "He lives here. He gets a say in what happens" "And I don't?" "Furniture doesn't talk" "You can't call me furniture, I haven't been around that much lately" "This is true. Fine. I vote Eren has a say in things. Eren votes he has a say in things. You're out numbered" Laughing at Levi's words, he felt the tension drain from his tight chest. Levi really wanted him here... "If we're not turning all the lights off, at least turn the living room one off so we can see better" "Eren?" "It should be ok..." Levi's solution was to turn the kitchen and living room lights off, but to turn the light on in both bedrooms. He knew where Levi's room was, and what was his. He just had no idea what the other doors were for. If he was going to live here, he'd have time to figure it out. While up and moving around, Levi found Titan for him. Dumping the cat in his lap with his brush, before finally sitting back beside Erwin "What did you find?" "One so bad I think it belongs in a the top ten worst ever" Watching movies with Levi and Erwin was definitely a different experience. The pair of them picking apart every injury on the screen. In his lap, Titan was fast asleep. His brush filled with fur, while Eren was back to dozing again. He didn't want to fall asleep and miss the movie, but his eyelids had plans of their own. Feeling Titan being lifted, he whined his protest as the warmth disappeared "Eren, if you're sleepy you should sleep" "I want to watch the movie" "You're mostly asleep" "But..." He was too tried to continue to protest "Erwin's too drunk to drive home, so he's going to sleep out here. Would you be more comfortable in my bed or the spare bed?" "With you" He didn't even realised what he'd mumbled out. Pulling him to stand, Levi lifted him into his hold "You can use the spare room for tonight. I probably need to wash the sheets anyway" "Thanks. I'll see you two in the morning" "Yeah. Try to keep it down" "Same for you two" Letting his arm droop over Levi's shoulder, Eren nuzzled into the man's chest. Levi's scent really was the best thing he'd ever smelt. Carried into the alpha's bedroom Levi was careful as he laid him down and moved to cover him with the blankets. Compared to the bed he'd had in Zeke's apartment, this one felt even more like heaven. Switching the light off, Levi joined him. The alpha crawling in from the other side, before he draped an arm around his waist. Eren's bright happy smile was lost to darkness, but none the less, it stayed on his lips until long after the pair of them had fallen asleep.

[mandyjane-lifedesign]

My life with a narcissist

It started off well enough. Our first date went pretty well. I thought he was nice but it was the way he seemed so eager after the date that really drew me in. He couldn't wait to see me again and I was flattered. He was charming, attentive, and seemed to want to help and make my life better. He offered to help my son who had a fear of flying and said once that he would rather pay me than have me see clients that wore me down. I thought that was so sweet, protective, and caring. Selfish behaviour About 5 months into the relationship we planned to go to Singapore and Australia. At Heathrow, we were told that I couldn't get on the flight because my passport wasn't valid for 6 months after travel. He went berzerk. Swearing and shouting and complaining that his birthday was always ruined (we were going to spend one night in Singapore for his birthday). He had booked a hike in New Zealand for a few days into our trip and insisted he had to leave because he didn't want to miss the trip. And so he left. No thought for me, no offer to stay with me to organise my passport. It took 24 hours to get a new passport (amazing!) and I headed off a day later. His trip wasn't delayed and he still spent 3-4 days with me in Melbourne before leaving for his hike. We met my Aunt in Melbourne and during our first dinner, he scolded me for taking my mobile phone out. I was doing it to show my Aunt a photo of my son. And so this sort of thing continued... I should've seen then that this would be the start of a lot of misery... He broke up with me a month later and was with someone else two weeks later. That lasted three months. I was devastated when he broke up with me and instead of seeing the blessing in disguise, I chased him. I was bereft without him and this can be traced back to my chaotic childhood and fear of abandonment. Break up and getting back together About 5 months later we were back together and in the four years together in total, we broke up at least three times. Against my better judgement, I always wanted to return. As bad as the relationship was, it was still an improvement on being alone. That always scared me the most. I knew that this craving to get back with him was dysfunctional and against my better judgement but I still yearned for him. Imago Theory suggests that we identify dysfunctional patterns in relationships from our childhoods and we try, as adults, to fix this and complete the cycle. If we can get the narcissist to love us, it is evidence that we really are loveable. Lack of loyalty During our relationship, I found out that he had been on the dating site, Match, for 9 months. A friend eventually told me after I had been explaining to her how I doubt myself so much and feel controlled in the relationship. When I confronted him he dismissed it as "light window shopping" and swore he never met up with anyone. Yep...I still stayed. He would comment on what I ate, how I spoke, my posture at the dinner table. He made jokes to colleagues about how he had "dumped" me. I felt so stupid. Once, he told me that he would not allow me to order a pancake because he didn't want me messing syrup on myself. We were due to fly in First Class and he said he didn't want me going into First Class looking a mess. I told him that I had a spare change of clothing but to no avail. He would make decisions without discussing them with me. I spent Christmas alone because he had made other plans. He seemed incapable of thinking about anyone other than himself. He also lacked empathy and trying to explain to him how his actions made me feel landed on deaf ears. I realised soon enough that if I was going to stay with him, I would have to accept that my emotional needs (or any needs for that matter) would never be met and that he would always put himself first. Generosity with conditions At first, he was generous. He would help me if I didn't have enough to make ends meet and would help me out if he wanted me to go on a trip with him overseas. This covered my lack of earnings while we were away. I was very fortunate to travel to many countries with him. I noticed though, that he would help me on some occasions (I rarely asked for money from him) when it benefitted him (for instance, if he wanted me on a trip) but if it didn't really benefit him, he wouldn't help out. I spoke to him about this one day in a clumsy way and he never ever let me forget it, telling me I was ungrateful. I had done loads for him in the past and he wasn't necessarily grateful but I felt persecuted for this one incident and he never let me forget it. Generosity came to a grinding halt - that taught me. Gaslighting This is when someone tells you they never said something that they did say or they make you feel you keep misunderstanding what they said. Funny that, he is the only one this seemed to happen with. I never had other people telling me they never said things or that I clearly kept on misunderstadning them. You start to doubt yourself, and you spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about the narcissist when they aren't around you - Am  crazy? Am I being unreasonable? You begin to lose your sense of normality. Self-serving behaviour Then he decided he wanted to become a ski instructor in Colorado. Over the winter months - December to March he spent two weeks of every month there. He shared a house with two other woman (one of which he admitted he fancied - at least he was honest!) and they were 'allowed' to leave the house in a mess. Once when I visited there was green mould in the fridge and crumbs everywhere as well as dirty dishes left in the sink overnight. It was unacceptable for me to do this at his home in the UK. He once cleaned around crumbs/food I had left on a kitchen counter to shame me the next morning. When I asked him why it was okay for them to leave the house in such state when he wouldn't tolerate it wtih me, he would say that the house in Colorado wasn't his proper home, it was only rented. huh? Either you dislike an untidy home or you don't. It made me feel belittled. When we went skiing he lacked patience and had me in tears often. When I tried to speak to him about this, he said "You have a bad attitude". He left me on the slopes alone too on slopes far too steep, he seemed to lack any conscience! I'm not saying I am perfect. I can react passive-aggressively when he made me angry or if I felt devalued. I would push back in my own way and perhaps I was ungrateful in some ways but my general demeanour was always kind and considerate. I started to withdraw though, and slowly but surely, his behaviour towards me crushed the love I felt. Emotional exhaustion I felt exhausted with this 'heaviness' around me constantly. He would rarely ask me about my life, he was always far too preoccupied with his own issues. If he did something nice for me, it would be something I would have to be eternally grateful for. He couldn't stand any criticism and would often react with, "Well if that's how you feel this isn't a very good relationship is it?" That would shut me up because it felt like a threat of imminent abandonment. Rages Over time the rages became more pronounced. he would swear and shout and throw things. Often, it would be over relatively minor things - not being able to access a website, when his cooking went wrong, or he missed a turning on the motorway etc Once he was annoyed when we landed in St Lucia and I took too long getting through customs. I didn't check any luggage through so I had to carry all my bags about 3 blocks to the terminal whereas he took a shortcut (he's a pilot). I was already anxious about delaying him and then noticed that he was standing near the exit looking angry and tapping his watch. That was the start of that trip!   Entitlement He never seemed to place much value on people, instead he was very task orientated. When it was his mother's 80th birthday he moaned and shouted about the fact that it was a nuisance to have to go to her birthday which was an hour away, when he was so busy. One important signal to take note of is how someone treats their mother! He always criticised her and seemed to resent having to call her or spend any time with her. He wanted unconditional adoration without any reciprocation from him.  He also cared deeply about what others thought of him and would often talk more about himself rather than ask others about their lives. Writing this has been very cathartic. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it might help to write it all out. It clarifies things when it is on paper. Don't be hard on yourself if you are still in a relationship with a narcissist. I am a therapist, could see what was going on and STILL found it really really hard to break away. It's rarely a simple case of just walking away. Mandy X Try this test if you suspect you might be in a relationship with a narcissist, although deep down you probably know but you doubt yourself because narcissists are manipulative and muddy the waters. https://survivingnarcissism.tv/free-narcissist-test/narcissist-test/ Read the full article

[maximuswolf]

How to get support when the answer is No? via /r/ADHD

How to get support when the answer is No?

Not sure if this is something I need advice with or just a rant so feel free to treat it as either really...

TL;dr - I do most of the chores in my relationship and want a more even division to help me cope and improve my behaviours. My partner flatly refuses to do so.

Basically I got diagnosed late last year at nearly 32 and have been taking methylphenidate ever since. Unfortunately that's all I'll get off the NHS here in the UK so I'm on my own with everything else, now that I've been discharged back to my GP.

The biggest problem I have with ADHD and the reason I got tested, is that it causes conflict in my relationship with my partner. I was hoping diagnosis would help change this but it hasn't.

The most common conflicts are around division of labour and time. Now I know what most people will think is going on here, but it's actually the opposite - I do almost everything.

My partner can't drive so I do all the food shopping, which also means doing all the planning. I suck at that so try to get her to help, but she complains she can't make a weekly meal plan last minute (because I don't think of doing that til I'm about to leave) so I end up planning and forgetting critical things we need, doing the shopping which takes longer than it should even though I have a list based on path through the store and then coming home and putting everything away on my own because she just doesn't help. Then there will be inevitable arguments throughout the week because I forgot an item she needs to make lunch or I only bought things for meals I like or I didn't get her a nice snack or I did and forgot she's trying to lose weight etc.

I also do most of the cooking, most of the washing up and kitchen cleaning, laundry, bins and feeding the cats. She does help out sometimes, but it tends to be only for short periods of time and often we end up fighting and that kills that off. She'll maybe do one dinner a week, or two at most but sometimes none at all. She'll also occasionally do the dishes or put a wash on, but I usually end up putting the plates away, hanging her stuff up to dry etc.

Obviously though, the ADHD means I often make a mess trying to deal with a mess, so my efforts often just make everything worse which is a big source of the conflict.

I also constantly feel like I don't have any free time to do my own things to help me destress and obviously the ADHD means that when I do get time to paint or write or do something I enjoy, I often just can't because I'm out of mental energy or I've got too many ideas and can't settle on one (that hurts me so much, not having time to do the projects I want.) I am finding it easier to make myself do some creative things with the medication, but I still feel my partner's hobbies get priority and that she has a very inconsiderate grip on them and the time she takes to do them.

It's hard to explain how bad this has got, but I've lost count of the times we've split up over it, then had a big chat days later and agreed to changes that never seem to stick. We barely have any intimacy in our relationship anymore and nearly zero sex life, with her saying she can't be attracted to someone who is so unreliable, argues with her so much and makes so much mess.

Now I can definitely take accountability for some shit here. I do create mess like a tornado hitting a room, I do struggle to notice the mess, I do struggle to finish a task (I'm sat next to the clean laundry I still haven't taken upstairs from Saturday) and I do respond VERY badly to being scolded, nagged, yelled at - pick your definition. But at the same time I feel am trying to make changes and improve and I feel I have done so since we first got together and she was doing the bulk of the cooking and tidying.

And that brings me onto the issue right now. Basically I want to organise the chores better - ideally I'd like to have a rota with tasks for each of us on set days to keep on top of little things, then do a big clean early one weekend day, with cooking split like two days me, two days her, three days together - that way we both get two nights off and share the work. I've also thought of doing just a House Day on a Sunday where we take a longer time to do all the cleaning, laundry, plan and do a food shop etc as we both often are tired and stressed from work in the week. I want to try this as I know that setting up good habits is key for me to progress with my issues, but the key element is an equal division of labour or at least for her to do more than she currently does so I can have more free time. Like I know that if we both do the kitchen cleaning together it will take about an hour from total mess to clean, whereas when I do it alone it'll take the whole day and still not be totally finished and clean. Basically I see what I'm planning as a win-win - tidy house for her and no resentment from me.

So I worked all this out and asked her. She said no. She feels like she needs her down time in the evenings and that she can't cope without the weekend being totally free for leisure time (she has anxiety, depression and possibly ASD) so she won't do it.

She also won't do more cooking as I leave the kitchen in a mess (working on it) and spends much of her time in bed as she can't face the rest of the house* also partly because I leave things lying about a lot.

It's an awful catch 22 where she won't help me because of the consequences of my having ADHD, but I know I won't get better unless I'm supported and the load is shared. And all that's happening now and has been happening for years, is I take it all on, struggle, get criticised, build resentment (because why not just help rather than nag that my efforts suck?) and then we have a huge fight etc etc. Sometimes she does try to help, but even if I clean the whole kitchen beforehand, she can't cook a meal without slamming cupboard doors, shouting, throwing pans about and generally getting frustrated that she can't find things (well of course not, she's never in the kitchen) and then I'll go back to cooking everything or even just come and take over and give up on my own free time.

I feel like part of the problem is the ASD, which I think is behind the reluctance to give up her special interests and the very short fuse and serious communication issues she refuses to acknowledge (so many fights where I wish I had a tape recorder running from the start because it'll turn out she meant something that was totally different from what she said at the beginning. Also has issues with tone and non verbal communication, also won't recognise them) There's also the fact I dated an autistic woman in the past and see a lot of similar behaviours and dynamics and in fact that relationship ended because she felt she wouldn't grow as a person whilst she had me doing all the jobs she found frustrating and difficult - peak example was asking me to do a job interview for her. It was funny later but she was dead serious at the time. Anyway...

The other thing is I think we have very different attitudes to chores - I feel like chores are a team effort, even if that means you deal with someone else's mess. That came from my parents who would share as much as possible - dad cooked dinner, mum washed up, mum did the shopping, dad put it away etc. Obviously sometimes mum had extra work on or dad was fixing stuff on the farm which meant the other parent doing more around the house, but they tried to balance and support each other. There's also house shares I've been in where conflicting schedules in a five adult house mean coming home to find your housemate who just did a 12 hour shift didn't feel like cleaning the pans you need for dinner so you have to learn to remember their struggles and not resent them for it, knowing next week it might be them cleaning your stuff.

Her attitude is more "your mess, your problem" which would be fine in a neurotypical relationship with equal division of labour, but is much harder when ADHD means you need things to be out to know they exist (forgot what that's called) and is worse when you're doing most of the chores and therefore, simply by definition, end up making more mess. I've tried pointing that out, but this feels like one of those things that's just a core difference where we see the world very differently and can't be resolved easily.

Anyway, not sure why I'm writing this other than to vent because it's killing me. Every fight makes me catastrophically depressed and I'm getting more extreme in my reactions to the shame, with thoughts of suicide, worthlessness, self disgust, feeling unattractive and unlovable etc. Recently I came close to sleeping in the nearby woods in the snow because I couldn't even see myself as worthy of being in a bed and couldn't face coming home to more shouting and shame. I have disclosed some of this but she doesn't seem to take it seriously and certainly nothing has changed.

And there's likely lots that's my fault that I'm leaving out or not recognising. I find it very hard to respond in the right way to criticism and when it gets like I am at the moment, I feel so much resentment that it makes my responses much worse and much more common even when, at other times, I wouldn't react. I also carry arguments and fights for days and it can become a constant hum in my head (like it is right now) whereas she seems to vent then be fine and acting like nothing happened soon after whilst I'm filled with anger and self hatred and sadness.

I guess if people have constructive suggestions that would be good (not "dump her" thanks, that won't fix my ADHD and I'll just ruin someone else's life) but please be aware I often post then bail on shit for ages so sorry if I do that when you're trying to help.

Thanks all.

*Our house is still only part decorated after four years because we had a massive fight over my DIY skills. She has a much higher standard for work than me and basically wants a level of professionalism we can't afford hence my DIYing, whereas I grew up in a falling down farmhouse with parents who did the best they could because they couldn't afford professionals either. Took years but they got there and didn't kill each other and that's all I want.

Submitted February 01, 2021 at 10:10AM by ADHDank via reddit https://ift.tt/2YxwaaG

[the-new-executive-assistant]

How to arrange a great Christmas party for the entire office

Planning the event can seem like a huge stressful thing in a large office.  But it’s definitely doable, no matter the size of your staff body (10-500+) and there are ways to go about it that make it easier, reduce your stress levels and save you from spending the last two weeks prior to the event in a flurry arranging “everything”.

The tips below are things I do every year.  Note, this post is quite long, but I think you will find it helpful.

As an EA, it will often be part of your role to arrange the event. Christmas parties are important because they are a way for staff to celebrate what has hopefully been a successful year, and also a way for the CEO, and the Board to thank staff for their work.

START EARLY If you use the forward planning diary system I describe in one of my other posts, you will already have your reminder written in for the beginning of June. If you are just starting out, put your reminder in your diary for then. This will save you getting to November, and thinking “heck, the Christmas Party is next month, and I’ve done nothing!”.

Spend June and July thinking and planning.  Start to think about venues, bands, catering etc and begin talking to people now.

Tip: Some people will think you’re nuts thinking about Christmas already, but you will be glad later, when you pre-booked the most popular venue in town on the exact date you wanted because you booked it way back in June.

BREAK IT DOWN AND MAKE A LIST In June, when you start to think about the event, pull out your notes from last year (if you have them) and create a mud map. Write down all the things you think you’ll need to arrange: Venue, Band, Other entertainment (magician, fire eater),Food,Drinks and bar staff, RSVP, Theme, Decorations, Clean-up the next day, Your speech on the night

From your mud map, create a master to-do list. I prefer paper, because I can mark it off with highlighters as I finish a task. It’s good because if you tend to become overwhelmed when you have a lot to do, look at all the tasks you’ve already marked off, so you can say “I’ve only got a couple more things to go and I’ve got my game plan for those already mapped out”.

Pro Tip: Keep your list to use next year.

PICKING THE DATE Friday evening, Mid-December. You’ll feel Christmassy, but it won’t be so close to Christmas that people are already worn out, or, have gone on annual leave.

Tip: Before you issue the date and start booking, notify key staff in your office to ensure it doesn’t clash with other events. Raise it at your senior staff meeting if you have one.

INVITES Some organisations like to invite the Board of Directors or other people in your community who you have a professional relationship with, some do not. Get your invites out early in early November.

SURPRISE....or NOT For a surprise party, you could reveal “teasers” over email in about October, to start a “buzz” in the office.

Surprise parties can be fun, and you will find that people will try to trick you into revealing the location or the theme, but it’s all in fun, and will build anticipation.

With surprise parties, I like to put a little disclaimer at the bottom of my teaser emails to say, “if the surprise element causes you difficulty or anxiety, please let me know and I can reveal enough information so you can make plans etc”. The surprise element can cause difficulty for people arranging babysitters etc, if they don’t know the location of the party, or when it will end etc.

Or, for people who hate surprises or suffer from anxiety, not knowing what they will be doing in advance, may be enough for them to decide not to attend. So, if someone comes to you saying, “I need more details surrounding the party”, tell them, without making a huge deal about it. But remind them (in a nice way), that they are the only other people who know, so if word gets out “I’ll be looking at you”.

With surprise parties, you can hire a chartered bus, with the location being “within 50km of the office” etc. Shop around for quotes. Decide whether you will pick people up on the way other than the initial pick-up point. If you do this, you may find you pick people up all over town and it takes too long. If you can get people to arrange their own transport to the one office pick-up location, it’s easier.

RSVP You need to stress to your staff that if they RSVP for the event, to please show up or notify if they need to cancel, as a lot of money and organising has gone into it. I’ve done parties where we’ve catered for 50, and only 30 showed up. The CEO was furious as they had gone to a lot of expense to put the party on. Luckily, I had kept the RSVP list and we ticked people off at the door, so we knew who the “no shows” were.

DIARY Use your diary to stay on track.  You won’t need to keep anything in your head or worry that you have forgotten to book something, because it’s all in your diary, planned out, week by week.

Paper or computer, whatever works for you. Your diary is the way you will create reminders for yourself of things such as “confirm with caterer that everything is on track”. You will want to put them in multiple times. You may book the caterer in September, but you’ll need to confirm at least twice again before the actual event.

Don’t use the sort of reminders on your computer that you hit “dismiss” on and never see again. This is a sure-fire way to overlook an item. This is why I prefer a paper diary, but you should do what works for you.

You can also create reminders for items such as “contacted the band for a quote, waiting to hear back”, you will then need to chase them up in a week. So, set your reminder for one week from the day you contacted the band for a quote. Seems simple, but I find these little things will really help keep your stress levels down.

PLAN B You may need to chase people up: 

I had an event once where I had booked two pieces of entertainment. In October one of them confirmed he was coming then I confirmed again and again in December, and he never responded until the day before the party. 

Because I hadn’t had a response from him (but I was still hoping he would come) I had arranged a plan B if he was a “no show” (plan B was notifying the band that they may need to play a little longer). I notified my boss what had happened and kept the emails where I had chased him (never delete an email). 

Fortunately, it all worked out in the end, but it just goes to show, that sometimes you will need to chase people (and have a plan B ready, just in case it all goes belly-up).

DO YOU WANT, OR NEED HELP? I find what works is to ask people for help with specific tasks, such as “can you advise on what 5 wine varieties I should purchase”, rather than an open “can you help me with the Christmas Party” or forming a Christmas Party Team. 

If you are the one arranging the event, you make the decisions, and then have people help carry them out. Yes, the whole thing rests on you, and if the party is a flop, it also rests on you, but I feel it is a better way of doing things.

In my experience, if a team is formed, the process is slow, or someone gets mad because they feel their opinion doesn’t count etc etc. You don’t need that type of drama when organising an event like this.

There are heaps of things you can ask for help with so you’re not doing everything. You’re “arranging everything and delegating” ,but you’re not wearing yourself out “doing it all”.

- Wine selection: Someone in your office will be a wine expert. Ask them if they would mind pulling together a list for you of 5 wines plus, two or three beer varieties. You can do the soft drink list. Tell them where you’ll be buying it and get a catalogue for them to pick from. The bottle shop can assist you with this, if nobody in your office can help.

- Decorations: Ask for volunteers to put up decorations. Decide ahead of time how you want the room to look, write it down and give the list to two or three volunteers.

- Clean up: If you use catering, they will likely clean up the dishes etc. You will want help doing the general garbage cleaning, removing decorations etc. If you have used a venue such as a restaurant then this is easy.  

If you have hired a hall, plan to have a working bee (volunteers or paid staff) that night or the next day (depending on the conditions of your hall hire). If you need to do this on the night as you leave, be mindful of how late the party will run and how many decorations you put up etc, to make it easy to pack up.

- Finances: Bands usually want payment on the night. Ask someone from your finance department if they are happy to hold the cash and be responsible for paying the band.

FAQ SERIES This was a game-changer when I introduced this to the office.

If someone asked a question, I assumed other people were wondering the same, so I created an FAQ series to address it.

Email subject line: Christmas Party FAQ series, question 1: Can I bring my partner?

You can build upon it, add extra questions etc etc.

FOOD For a small party you will likely to go a restaurant.  For a medium party, at least have someone to cook the BBQ etc, so you don’t have to (and ask for a volunteer to go shopping for you).

For a large party, you will want to arrange catering. Find out your party budget and obtain quotes based on an estimate of numbers, say 50 or 100 guests. Start in Sep/Oct as the Christmas season is very busy, and you will want to book it in early to secure your place.

RSVP: Include dietary requirements with a disclaimer that you can cater for most but not all things. People with very complex diets, often prefer to bring their own food for their own safety. Best thing to do, is to directly ask that person, how you can best help them. Perhaps you can ensure they have fridge space to store their food, or, you could introduce them to the caterer, so they can talk to them directly, without going through you.

DRINKS Hire casual bar staff for a few hours. You also have more control over quantities of wine served if you use bar staff rather than self-serve as everyone’s “standard drink size” seems to differ. Someone in your community is likely to do this work for a casual rate (just ask around).

Drink tickets: I find these helpful (use a raffle ticket book). Each guest receives 4 tickets upon entry (one per hour for example) and they can either use all of them, or use two, and give two away. The idea is that the total number of tickets you give out (eg 4 tickets each, 10 guests = 40 drinks), equals the number of drinks you have to buy (plus a few extra to allow for a mispour etc). This way, you don’t have someone having a large number of drinks, and then your bar running out.

Always have lots of cold water and soft drink on hand (seems obvious, but I had a party once where I ordered slabs and slabs of water bottles, and we still ran out).

RSVP AND NO SHOWS I like to use the Eventbrite free event feature as it keeps a tally of names and numbers, plus you can have fields for dietary requirements. Just ensure you mark the event as “private”. You can then email the Eventbrite link to your staff body.

You will always have no-shows. Have the discussion with your boss regarding this, and the caterer etc, and make sure they are ok with your suggestion of catering for 10 less heads than have RSVP. Your boss may be happy to cater for the exact number of RSVP.

COSTUMES Costume theme parties can be enjoyable. Make sure in your emails that you state that a costume is optional, and is just for a bit of fun.

BEHAVIOUR You know your office best. If it is a big big party, you may want to think about security.

For a general office party, your Senior Executive Staff and CEO will be the ones to deal with unruly behaviour. Have a chat to them beforehand, so if anything happens, they are prepared to assist.

TIME OF THE PARTY I did a party once which started at 4pm. We closed the office early at 2pm to allow staff to go home and get ready.

4pm – 8pm was wonderful as once the party at work had wrapped up, we then headed to the local pub for some more drinks and dancing, and it didn’t get too late for closing the office etc, and anyone who needed to go home could, and those who wanted to party on, could do that too.

TIMETABLE Have a timetable so you know when to expect the food to come out, when the band will play, when the entertainment will start, when the band need a break, and when it is time to commence wrapping it all up.

POST MORTEM On your first day back at work after the party, start a post mortem list. Include anything you would like to look back on next year.

I write down how many drinks we purchased, and how many leftovers we had, and how many people attended. This will save you over or under buying next time. You can also write down which varieties of wine or beer were the most popular.

Photo: <a href='https://www.freepik.com/photos/background'>Background photo created by freepik - www.freepik.com</a>

Photo: <a href='https://www.freepik.com/photos/flower'>Flower photo created by freepic.diller - www.freepik.com</a>

[adhdbuzz]

(Quick note - I have copied this over from my main blog - this is my content...)

ADHD, Neurodivergence, Identity…

I want to start blogging about some of my experiences with mental illness and neurodivergence. Two words, that before this year, I would never of used in relation to myself.

One of the most fascinating and somewhat crippling aspects of learning you are neurodivergent, is becoming so hyperaware of your thoughts, actions, personality, wondering what’s you and what’s your diagnosis, (or what you are imagining/projecting because of your diagnosis). I likely drive my friends mad talking or joking about it, but it’s hard to articulate the complete upheaval that learning this about yourself creates. Suddenly your entire history and personhood is re-defined. You have to change your narrative. I spent most of my teenagehood and childhood feeling removed/estranged from the people and world around me. More than feeling an ‘outcast,’ I felt myself an alien. I believed (and felt that others believed), that I was incredibly lazy and did not have the drive to puruse my passions and potential. This left such a hole in my heart and self-confidence. Imagine that you have this great love for something - or many things, but can’t even motivate yourself to take one single step toward it. You lose interest in every hobby you’ve ever taken up and you don’t understand why you can’t just do the thing. It seems easy for everyone else? What am I missing? So you compensate. Suddenly (and very briefly), you are really into note-taking and study blogs and watching countless hours of videos on how to get organised and ‘change your life’ and you imagine what kind of person you could become.  Or you start every new year or semester with the goal to just stay on top of things, just remember, just write it down - everyone else does it? Why can’t you? Inevitably, that falls away.

What happens when you can’t maintain this? When suddenly those three assignments are due, you’ve dropped out of your class/hobby, you’ve missed another opportunity, avoided another goal and heard another person tell you, ‘you just need to get organised…’ ‘ you’ve got so much potential, you just need to apply yourself!’ “I don’t understand how you forgot/didn’t do the thing/didn’t write it down!”

I don’t think I can ever effectively describe the impact that this has had on me. There is something so devastating in not understanding there is something different about your brain during the really sensitive, formative years of your life. Because you end up spending so much time trying to work out why you are not like everyone else, why you struggle with things that most people find easy, why it is a constant battle to stay afloat, to have people angry with you/criticising you for something that you both feel should be in your control, but neurologically isn’t.  

ADHD is so severly misunderstood. It’s invisible and it is crippling. The image of the little boy in class who can’t sit still or stop talking is such a prevalent and damaging stereotype. Before I got my diagnosis and before I even had looked into ADHD, I spent hours researching what could be wrong with me and doing online ‘tests’. These ranged from anxiety, to depression, Bipolar, PMDD and Personality Disorders, (strangely enough, ADHD often exists alongside other mental illnesses and I was diagnosed with co-morbidities…) But I think this gives a degree of context to what undiagnosed ADHD feels like, because it’s not someone who wont shut up, or sit still. To me it feels like everyone else got a manual on how to be a person and I didn’t. Often times, it’s the depressed, anxious, struggling teenager or young adult, who feels so inadequate, who feels like an alien, who can’t even trust their own passions or interests. Who is in a constant battle to meet the expectations of themselves and those around them. Who’s socially awkward or uncomfortable, who’s disocciated, who can’t follow a conversation, or instructions, who suffers in loud spaces, who struggles with small talk, strangers, shopping centres, keeping themselves and their space clean, uni work, school work, chores, family, friendships, relationships, their identity, their passions, there interests, their personality, regualating their emotions

ADHD is so exhausting, because it’s a constant battle to just meet the base line. Every thing you do from the moment you get up, til the moment you are asleep (and even then) is impacted by it.

Say you have an assignment, and a couple of chores to do on one day. Not a big deal right? Ok so you set an alarm for 8am, except your brain didn’t turn off until 4am the night before, so you get up at mid day, you go to put the washing in, but you forgot to turn on yesterdays load, so you do that first, you go to make a morning coffee, you check the time, it’s 12.30 - where did half an hour go? I just got up?! (Time-blindness). You make your coffee and drink it while checking social media, which sucks you in, because your dopamine depleted brain craves stimuli! You check the time, its 1pm, you tell yourself you’ll scroll for ten more minutes, and that ten minute excuse repeats a few times. It’s 1.30 and now your angry, because why didn’t you have the self control! (Hint: you have a disordered executive function). You put your mug on the sink, promising you’ll come back to it later. You go back to the laundry, you realise you forgot to turn the dryer on. You go to do your assignment, you clear your desk, open laptop, but now you don’t know where to start - you can’t naturally prioritise tasks, or break down the individual steps that need to be done in order to complete an assignment, you must do this with the ‘skills’ you have actively had to learn from a coach, internet etc. It’s like trying to bake a cake with no measuring cups, or recipe! So now you are looking at the assessment outline, and what you’ve worked on already, and trying to close last nights 200 tabs of hyperfixation. You read the outline 5 times without actually reading it, on the 6th you try really hard, you’re fidgeting in your chair, it’s an almost physical pain having to sit there and read it. Your eyes feel glazy, there’s too many words and they look like a big smudge on the page. You quickly check messages (dopamine hit), you come back to the outline. Its been half an hour, you still haven’t started. It’s about 2pm, you havent had lunch or breakfast. You go make a tea and come back. Maybe you need backround music? You spend another 20 minutes finding the right playlist, except its not right because it’s either too stimulating or not stimulating enough. You find another playlist, or you go down the rabbit whole of some movie soundtrack you’ve been meaning to look at. It’s 2.45. The washing! You go back and finally get yesterdays load in the dryer and start the load you meant to do today. Might as well make another tea now that I’m up. Might as well check Facebook now I’ve been interrupted. I’ll start at 3.30. 3.30 rolls around, your sibling gets home from school. Noise, talking, lunchbox rattling, bags being unpacked. Distraction. The noise is painful, your executive function (the impaired part of the ADHD brain) is also responsible for emotional regulation. Suddenly you are so fiercly angry at the noise being made in the rest of the house. It’s so over stimulating it feels like sandpaper on your brain and ears, you feel sick to your stomach with rage, you are crying, sobbing. All because people in the other room are talking. You lay on your bed trying to calm the overwhelm and increasing stress at not having done your assignment. It’s 4pm. Mum asks why you left your mug out, or didn’t do the dishes (you were too busy thinking about doing the washing!) She notes the machine still going and tells you that you wont have time to put it in the dryer tonight, you’ll have to do it tomorrow. But you need those clothes for tomorrow, you’re having breakfast with a friend. You’ll have to reschedule. You message your friend, and repeat the standard script “god I am so sorry, I’m such a mess, can we do later in the morning? I’ve got to do chores…” they can’t reschedule, you cancel. You sit back down with the assignment. You fidget. It feels like a physical pain to have to sit there and force yourself to do it. You’ll do it tomorrow. You pack up, and get ready for bed, removing the pile on your bed back to your desk. Your sheets are unmade, it’s uncomfortable and you feel agitated. You’ve forgotten to brush your teeth, or clean your face. You scroll online, or hyperfocus on a new hobby, project, idea, that wont interest you tomorrow, until 3am. You set your alarm for 8am…

This is just one small example and snapshot of ADHD and the impact of Executive Dysfunction. Here are a couple of examples/descriptions of how it feels from the ADHD subreddit.

“Schrodinger’s ADHD: Everything is interesting and boring at the same time. Every subject, every hobby.”

‘The Two ADHD Moods: I can’t do it / I can’t stop doing it. The two types of ADHD time: Now  /  Not Now The two ADHD memory modes: I literally can not recall the words that just                                                         came out of my mouth  /                                                                                       I can recite the opening paragraph of                                                                 every single magic tree house book.’

I also want to talk Neurodivergence, as this is another misconception when it comes to ADHD. In the way that Autism, Tourettes, Dyscalculia, Dysgraphia are all forms of neurodivergence, so is ADHD. ADHD is not a behavoural issue, but a neurobiological developmental disorder. ADHD also has many overlapping traits with Autism, (not to be confused as the same, ADHD is not on the spectrum). These include, sensory overwhelm/sensitivity, memory issues, hyperfocus/hyperfixation, interrupting conversation/trouble waiting in turn, issues reading/recognising social cues, stimming, perseveration, (getting ‘stuck’ on or repeating a thought, topic or idea, even if the conversation has moved on), and avoidance/trouble with eye contact.

To be clear, ADHD is not on the spectrum, a distinguishing feature between these neurotypes is the cause of the symptom. For example someone with ADHD may not recognise social cues due to inattention/overwhelm/impulsivity, where as someone with autism may struggle to interpret these social cues.

It is important for ADHD to be recognised as a neurotype, and not a behavoural issue.  When discussing ADHD traits with a neurotypical person, the response is often along the lines of ‘well everyone is a little distracted/unmotivated/lazy/forgetful/late sometimes.’ My response to that  ‘Would you say that everyone is a bit ‘socially awkward/shy’ sometimes to an autistic person? Or ‘everyone has trouble reading sometimes’ to a dyslexic person?’ I imagine the answer would be no, as it is understood that these traits are a consistent, uncontrollable and debilitating.

The more I have learnt and read about ADHD in the context of neurodivergence, the more I have tried to recognise the ways I hide or detract from my symptoms, by ‘masking’. This has included, taking on certain personas or feeding someone elses assumption about me as ‘the messy one,’ ‘the disorganised one,’ ‘the chaotic one.’ In the past I have almost embraced these stereotypes about myself, as it gave me a sense of identity, a framework with which to see and understand myself. Frustration and anger masked over-stimulation/overwhelm, I was not able to recognise the root of these feelings and I also learnt to fidget/stim in the ‘right’ way. When engaging in small talk with someone I am unfamiliar with, I often resort to mimicing or imitating how I have seen other people interact, speak etc and I am conscious of eye contact, (too much, too little?). I catch myself looking at people/staring too much and am constantly trying to gauge what the right amount is, where else to look, etc. I struggle a lot with taking turns in convesation, as I don’t always know where to interject, or I worry I will forget the thought, this has led me to just stay silent instead in conversations and present myself as serious, or elusive.

That’s really all I have to say for today. I think overall ADHD is far more complex and challenging than it is perceived to be, and these stereotypes are so harmful to people who have it and are trying to navigate not only their symptoms, but a world that is not understanding nor knowledgeable of the limitations and struggles of ADHD or neurodivergence.

I have a lot more to say on all this and will try and write more about this going forward. DM/comment etc if you have any thoughts or criticism of anything I have said. Disclaimer, I am still learning and may make mistakes regarding information, or discussing other neurotypes !

Here are some links you might want to check out if you have/think you have ADHD or you have a friend or family member with ADHD. I also highly, highly recommend the ADHD subreddit!

ADHD explained simply:

https://www.additudemag.com/what-is-adhd-symptoms-causes-treatments/

“ADHD is a developmental impairment of the brain’s executive functions. People with ADHD have trouble with impulse-control, focusing, and organization.

“’Attention deficit’ is, some experts assert, a misleading name. “Attention deregulation” might be a more accurate description since most people with ADHD have more than enough attention — they just can’t harness it in the right direction at the right time with any consistency.”

Comorbidities https://adhd-institute.com/burden-of-adhd/epidemiology/comorbidities/ “The majority of adults with ADHD have a diagnosed or undiagnosed comorbid psychiatric disorder, which can complicate diagnosis and treatment of ADHD.1-3“ ADHD and Autism https://www.spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/decoding-overlap-autism-adhd/ “A growing number of genetic studies support the notion of at least some shared causation between autism and ADHD. But imaging studies comparing brain structures and connectivity have yielded a confusing mix of similarities and differences. And some behavioral research has highlighted the possibility that outwardly similar features mask distinct underlying mechanisms. Inattention in a person with autism, for example, might result from sensory overload, and apparent social problems in someone with ADHD may reflect impulsivity. Perseveration https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/common-challenges/self-control/perseveration-adhd-and-learning-differences

“(Kids) who perseverate often say the same thing or behave in the same way over and over again. And they do it past the point where it makes sense or will change anything. It’s like they’re stuck in a loop that they can’t get out of.”

ADHD and social skills https://chadd.org/for-adults/relationships-social-skills/#:~:text=Social%20Skills%20in%20Adults%20with,their%20inattention%2C%20impulsivity%20and%20hyperactivity.

“Social skills are generally acquired through incidental learning: watching people, copying the behavior of others, practicing, and getting feedback. Most people start this process during early childhood. Social skills are practiced and honed by “playing grown-up” and through other childhood activities. The finer points of social interactions are sharpened by observation and peer feedback.

Children with ADHD often miss these details. They may pick up bits and pieces of what is appropriate but lack an overall view of social expectations. Unfortunately, as adults, they often realize “something” is missing but are never quite sure what that “something” may be.”

ADHD and stimming https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/adhd/repetitive-behaviors-in-children-with-adhd-stimming-fidgeting-and-what-these-actions-may-mean/

“Many believe that stimming and fidgeting is reserved for those on the autism spectrum. However, it is now known that children with ADHD are just as likely to use repetitive body movements to self-stimulate. In fact, autistic stimming and non-autistic stimming are different. The main difference is that those with ADHD typically only use stimming for a short period of time while they are trying to concentrate. For example, someone with ADHD may stim for under an hour while those with autism will stim for several hours at a time. While stimming and fidgeting are typically seen as tapping or rocking, there are many other things that children with ADHD do to self-stimulate. There are actually five different variations of stimming, which include olfactory, vestibular, visual, tactile, and auditory.”

[sturlsons]

How do you do it? How do you stay so motivated and keep...going at life? Sometimes i get that motivation/urge to go out there and work towards my goals but it always disappears in a couple of days, sometimes maybe the same day

so my commute to uni takes like, 20 minutes right? add 10 minutes for me to walk to the tram station, and 5 to walk to class. 35 minutes from my door to my classroom door. 20 minutes, let’s say, to shower (i usually shower at night so in the morning i just like, throw warm water on myself and scrub my face) and get ready (i try to lay my outfit out the night before so that i don’t stand aimlessly in my towel trying to figure out what to wear and if my crush on my rhetoric professor is strong enough to warrant THAT sweater). 55 minutes, let’s say an hour to be safe. if i have class at eight, i can afford to get up at seven, and in emergencies i can get all of the above done in 40 minutes (throw on jeans and a sweater over whatever top i slept in and slather on some lipstick bc i can’t leave the house without lipstick).

which is, you know, a sweeter deal than a lot of people have. i have friends who need to take the train from strassy b’s surrounding towns to come to uni, i also have friends who go to the gym before coming to class. me, i live across the city from uni but i can still wake up just an hour before class. 

my alarm is set for an hour and a half before class though. now don’t get me wrong, i’m not one of those people who needs a million alarms set 4 minutes apart because i’m a chronic snoozer. a five-second ring of one alarm is enough for me to shoot up in bed movie protagonist style (or like, not do that if my octopus boyfriend is wrapped around me so that i don’t break his nose) and even roll out of it immediately given the situation (exams, parties in case it’s an afternoon nap, travel, appointments). 

however, it’s the other 80% of the time that’s the problem. i got class at eight, my alarm rings at six-thirty. from six-thirty to seven i’m lying in bed, trying to - no points for guessing - “motivate” myself. but guess what? i’m already motivated. i know in my head what i need to do to achieve what i want, and i have that burning desire to do it, i unironically watch this every week. i’m like, FUCK. LET’S DO IT. LET’S DO EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE. CLEAN THE HOUSE (negative: it’s always clean and i’m not only neat/clean in general, but also a stress cleaner, so when i’m stressed i get more stressed when i see that my apartment is already in top condition. so i grab a toothbrush and start microcleaning. welcome to my twisted mind and hard-water-stain-free taps) BUY A STATEMENT PIECE START LOOKING FOR INTERNSHIPS SOMEHOW FAST-FORWARD ALL MY FRIENDSHIPS UNTIL WE’RE IN STABLE JOBS AND STILL HANGING OUT TOGETHER IN BIGGER APARTMENTS WITH BETTER BOOZE LET’S WRITE THOSE FICS (lol) AND FINALLY CLEAR MY BACKLOG OF ARTICLES I’VE BEEN WANTING TO READ SINCE LITERALLY 2015 LET’S MEMORISE THE ENTIRE SEMESTER’S VOCAB IN ONE GO LET’S START WAKING UP AT 5 AM LIKE ROBIN SHARMA TOLD ME TO AND MAKE A SCHEDULE SO THAT I USE FACE MASKS REGULARLY AND SEE MY SKIN GLOW AND DRINK TWO LITERS OF WATER A DAY NEVER FORGET MY MEDS (lol) REDO MY BUDGET TO BUY HEALTHIER THINGS DONATE THE CLOTHES I PULLED OUT OF MY WARDROBE LAST WEEK TELL MY BOYFRIEND I LOVE HIM BUT WE’RE NOT GETTING A DOG BECAUSE I CAN’T STAND THE DOG SMELL, LET’S GET EDUCATED AND BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO KNOWS SOMETHING ABOUT EVERYTHING FROM EPIGENETICS TO ETHNOLINGUISTICS. LET’S DO IT ALL, RIGHT NOW.

then my six-thirty alarm rings. and i open my eyes, and i don’t need to ask myself questions from point zero. i don’t need to ask do i really want to do all that? because i know i do. what i have to ask myself every day is those things i want to do, which are worth the effort i have to make - do i have it in me to make that effort every day?

you can’t do everything all at once anon. it’s the most frustrating lesson i’ve had to learn. motivation makes you want to do everything all the time forever. it’s like my best friend in cali, who snorts a line of coke after a party so that he can clean the house. motivation is gonna make you jump out of bed and spend fifteen minutes making an Upbeat Playlist which can then play in the background while you do your dishes, clean your bathroom, organise your wardrobe - and then collapse on the floor. unfuckyourhabitat is one of my favourite blogs on the internet, and they have something very important to say about this. 

you can’t do everything all at once. if you want to clean the house you’ll have to evaluate what needs cleaning, then see if you have supplies, acquire them if you don’t, and make a plan if everything’s a mess. if you want to buy a statement piece you’ll have to go through your wardrobe and see what you need, go through your budget and see what you can afford, go through online catalogues and see what you like, then clear some time so you can go out and get it - or more time if you want to browse. looking for internships - don’t even get me started. fast-forwarding friendships? sometimes the temptation of jumping ten years into the future and seeing if i’m still friends with the people i love today, seeing if i’m still with the person i’m with today, reaching that part of life where everything has become habit and dinner is with wine and there’s a fireplace in the living room - it’s so strong that the thought of having to live through those years to get there is excruciating. what do you mean i’ll have to live ten years, day for day, and slowly, painstakingly get there? what do you mean friendships don’t calcify in one day and i can’t decide today that that one friend i love is now my confidante and official best friend and we’ll do everything together? what do you mean you have to do everything together to get to a point where doing everything together is a habit. are u fucking kidding me. 

i get it, right? all the things i listed up there - face masks, water, 5 AM, success, progress. they’re not one-liners on a to-do list. they’re concepts and they require something more than motivation.

you know, even rumi has something to say about this. first of all, i digress, but rumi has something to say about EVERYTHING and i really hate when people assume he’s some kind of over the top abstract vague philosopher. bro rumi was practical as fuck? he talked about sex and friendship and hangovers and life as we know it, so bizarrely immortal that it applies these centuries later.

rumi says: submit to a daily practice. your loyalty to that is a ring on the door. keep knocking, and the joy inside will eventually open a window and look out to see who’s there. 

rumi also says: this windy mountaintop trough is ours. it sustains and protects, and you do not arrive here by just straining your neck to look at the mountain. you must start out and continue on.

but here’s my favourite thing that rumi says: it doesn’t matter that you’ve broken your vow a thousand times. still come, and yet again, come.

those things up there - Upbeat Playlist Number 29, buy-a-blender-make-frozen-smoothie-packs-stop-going-to-mcdonald’s-so-much, my-boyfriend-said-i-can’t-stop-him-from-buying-me-flowers - require more than motivation. 

coming back to my six-thirty alarm. do i have it in me to make this effort every day? i want to do something with my life but this bed is warm, i’m tired, and it’s cold outside. it’s going to be a long, long, long day. do i have it in me to make this effort? i know i have the desire to make this effort, so why is it so difficult? why do i have to wake up half an hour in advance to negotiate with myself and coddle myself into actually getting out of bed and moving to meet my day?

motivation is 20% anon. the other 80% is sheer fucking discipline. say it out loud to yourself: D I S C I P L I N E. it’s not motivation that makes me live my life - sure, motivation starts the fire and i won’t lie, i have a lot of it, almost inexhaustible supply except for when it suddenly burns out on me without a warning.

which is why we need discipline. motivation can quit on you anytime - discipline won’t. motivation is i want to ace this english class, it’s easy as balls, i can do it. discipline is well, this english class i want to ace is at 8 AM and i’m not going to miss a single one. you don’t need to convince yourself of your life goals every morning - you just need to train yourself into fucking getting out of bed. submit to a daily practice, because you’re not going to achieve everything all at once. you’ll have to live every single day until you get there, and it’s a constant process, and when you have that process down pat, it’s the journey itself that’ll be rewarding. no need for instant gratification through sudden unexplained achievement of goals - your gratification is seeing your kilometer count stack up steadily, that odd “wow, you’re glowing these days!” from an aunt, the realisation that you chop salad so much faster now out of habit. wake up in the morning (feeling like p diddy) and take your fucking half-hour if you need it, but at the end of that half-hour, roll the fuck out of bed and give yourself finger guns in the bathroom mirror.

it’s not about motivation. i frankly don’t care if your motivation runs out in two days, or one day, or the fifteen minutes it took you to make your Upbeat Playlist Number 29. boo fucking hoo, anon. that’s how fickle motivation is. it ran out while you were looking for that one elvis song. so what’s going to make you clean your house anyway? not motivation, that’s for sure, motivation’s fuckin peaced out man. you don’t care about those dishes anymore, you’ll do them when you get back from uni (you won’t, you’ll order sushi and sit at your table). 

you know what isn’t fickle? discipline. it’s discipline that’s going to make you clean your house. it’s discipline that’s going to make you wake up at 5 AM even if you’ve kind of failed four days in a row. keep knocking. keep working. still come, and yet again, come. you haven’t failed if you started trying to wake up at 5 AM last month and you did it maybe four times. you fail the day you turn that alarm off and give up on the concept. 

motivation provides you with concepts - discipline provides you with the means to nurture those concepts. motivation is a high-resolution photograph of a beautiful oil painting. that’s all it is. discipline is the hour you put aside every day to sit at your easel and make it real.

today i want you to look for your willpower and gather your paintbrushes.

[boombarada]

How do one survive a lock down?

We are getting paranoid by locked down in our houses. Going nuts. Going crazy by the thoughts of going crazy. Nothing to do. Just eat sleep and entertain ourselves. A number of us doing home workouts and yoga and art and what not.

Do you know, some people from the same community, which we currently reside, face the lock down, to the some extent, everyday; and most of their lives. And yet they don't go crazy. They're as human as us. They're as sane as us, or I would say more intelligent than ours, because over the period of time those humans have evolved. They have made ways to survive in such lock down environments. They have found their ways to stay happy and healthy!

I guess by now may have got the idea whom I'm talking about, if not le'm help you. I'm talking about women of our houses. Don't go haywire by thinking I'm a misogynist and planning to persuade that women's place is in house only. Hold your sudo feminist horses down, and try to read this article with logic.

Today after a long time I took the broom in my hand and started cleaning my bedroom. I am fairly habitual to keep my room organised, neat and tidy. But kachra pota, was a chor i used to outsource, like a generic middle class houshold. I can't remember the name of the person, but some one great expressed once that cleaning the place where u live is a meditative task, and it proved quite completely today. Although organising my room was always a helping hand in anxiety release ans feel relaxed, cleaning the house with the broom was a totally different meditation. You come across every single inch of the house. As if a king give a public appearance on the streets, and get to meet his subjects closely, each and every one of them. I started from my lalji's place, and ended at my car parking! I realised where does the most dust accumulates. I explored there is ant colony in my years. I got acquainted with what sort of flowers are there in my yard, where exactly is the plaster cooling off, which tile has gone loose, where does rain water accumulates and creates puddles, from where the exterior paint is peeling off, and not of all i realised how bigger my house is. Although we are middle class family living in a moderate 3 bhk house, we always hear our mom saying this house is big. Being a person who never used to actually understand why she was commenting like this. According to a person who's travelling in the house is mostly starts from bed and ends at kitchen never figured what is the size of the house. Being a designer we always wonder how beautiful we can make a house, How intricate details and decor we can provide, always disrespected the idea of minimalism, but today was the day I realised baapu. Why गांधी आश्रम was designed the way it is, because baapu used to clean the his kotdi by himself and he was aware of what he needs, how much he needs, where he needs, when he needs, and how he will maintain it. Being the prisoner of online shopping malls and capitalist shopaholic nature we have forgotten the word maintain.

And that my friend where the wisdom of our mom/women of the house comes into picture. That why even baapu understood the importance of women and respected them highly.

Today in man ki baat, modi thanked all the agencies and servicemen who are providing their precious help to the nation today in this tough times. Who are maling sure our lock down doesn't drive us insane and we all stay safe and stay at home. Which is admirable.

But at the same time do we actually thank the women of the house who makes sure that our handkerchief is washed, dried, folded and kept at a right place. Even if don't thank, or would just spare a day once a year, (women's day) that's alright. But as an intelligent human being we must learn how these humans have evolved in such an environment. There is this school of thought that a number of yoga and martial arts evolved from doing routine houshold chores. Yogis living by themselves in middle of nowhere realised the importance of organisation, cleanliness, tidiness, and neatness. Which are the mediums used by women of our homes to make hour house habitable and maintain the it's liveliness. No wonder our ancient texts speaks highly of women whenever the talk of day to day life occurs.

I urge all the interior designer and architects to do karcha pota once in a month at least to understand space, material and detailing. I urge all the fashion designers to wash their clothes once in a month by hand, (not washing machine) to understand the design. I urge a the chefs, or culinary enthusiasts to wash dishes once a month to completely understand food. A great designer and personality, Sir Mickey Desai once said "design starts from us" and I realised today that us starts from where we live. Thus if you don't understand, and digest where u live, I feel you've not excelled in the design world.

That's why women has this in built instincts of designing. They are good at it. They have mastered it over the period of time. Without trying to be the women of the house, one can not master the world of design.

Women of the houses, has survived everyday lock down, by loving their homes. By. Loving the people who lives in it. By activating the home feeling. They established organizations, systems which can help through the day to day lock down. The household chores are no degrading jobs, rather they're the most inteligent ways to maintain health physically and mentally while staying in lock down. If one really wants to respect women, try understanding them by doing what they do. Men of the house usually jokes around that women are un-understandable. Keep the jokes aside and appreciate the heros you've got inside your house. We are spending all our time posting thankyous and showing of gratitude on social media towards the police, doctors and local authorities. Try showing some gratitude towards the women who are making sure with the least ingredients how can they prepare meal which would be fulfilling as well as not that burden on the finance of the house. They're the first line of heroes we have got.

By learning from their skills of survival in lock down we are not only respecting them but clearly we are surviving.

Do houshold chores.

Help you mother and wife.

And this lock down will turn into learning for a lifetime instead of boring, social media addictive, foolish time pass.

[thebestintoronto]

How to Spend Two Perfect Days in Toronto, Ontario

Toronto is among my top 5 favored cities worldwide. Yeah, seriously-- I enjoy Toronto! I have checked out Toronto two times, and also on both trips I just spent about two days in the city. 2 days is enough to fall for this Canadian city!

Toronto is not always a breathtaking city in the sense of conventional metropolitan elegance neither is it a city made for visitor attractions. What truly attracts attention about Toronto is that it is a city that has a solid local color as well as an apparent heart-- two top qualities that would certainly endear me to any type of city!

There are a few reasons I enjoy Toronto a lot are:

Variety: I enjoy that you can walk the city as well as see a lot of different types of individuals, restaurants, and also cultures all existing together. Toronto is well known for this variety and it really feels very concrete when you are traveling there.

Thriving Small Business: You can walk along one street, like Queen Road for example, as well as see shop after store after store, all seemingly doing quite well. There is such an imaginative and also unique array of organisations, as well as I like that there is a minimal company visibility in heart of Toronto.

Delicious Food: No surprise as to why I love this, however Toronto has a remarkable cooking scene. Although they aren't Michelin approved, they should be! There are absolutely some James Beard as well as Michelin quality places in the city, as well as fantastic food vehicles and also hole in the wall areas.

After raving concerning Toronto upon my return from my 2nd visit to Canada's largest city, I really felt influenced to create a 2 day overview to exploring all the best that Toronto has to supply. I hope this influences other folks to see Toronto and also spen 2 ideal days discover this incredible city.

Early Morning: St Lawrence Market & Distillery Area

Begin your first day in Toronto with some fantastic food choices in a historic building at St Lawrence Market. A perfect location to choose a small group of individuals with different tastes, this 208 years of age market attributes over 100 different neighborhood food, drink, and also handicraft manufacturers. Lots of them use samples and you can buy baked goods and also snacks to sustain your stroll! Please note that the market is closed on Mondays.

From the marketplace, walk through Parliament Square Park until you hit your following stop-- the Distillery Area. This tiny neighborhood southeast of downtown Toronto is likewise a historical area of the city with roots going back to 1832 when the Gooderham and Worts Distillery was founded right here. At the time, it was just one of the biggest distilleries on the planet, and also spanned throughout the 13 acre location. Today, you can still see the heritage buildings from the Victorian period with contemporary companies as well as restaurants constructed inside the brick city.

In the Distillery Area, you can easily spend a few hrs consuming as well as discovering! A few spots that I recommend looking into inside the area are Deciem, an irregular beauty firm that is all about self-love, City of Angels, an adorable bohemian design females's clothes and also boutique, and also Biltmore, a spacious vintage as well as brand-new furnishings shop with one-of-a-kind products to find.

Afternoon: Walk the Areas

For me, this is the most effective part of Toronto is all the neighborhoods. Like Chicago, it is a city of communities and the "downtown" location is clean and sterile compared to the vibrancy of the individual areas. Maybe I connect with this a lot since it resembles Chicago. The downtown is meh, while the areas really reveal the lifeline of the city.

Over the 5 days that I have spent in Toronto, I invested a bulk of those simply straying around in the neighborhoods of this city. I would generally have a few locations in mind, like a store or restaurant that I wanted to check out, which would lead my general direction but I left myself lots of time to find things along the way.

Use comfy shoes since you'll be doing a great deal of strolling on this part of your 2 days in Toronto. There are a number of awesome roads to enjoy that period numerous neighborhoods, yet I could suggest beginning with King Road West, Queen Street West, Dundas Street West or College Road West. All of these streets provide a flourishing neighborhood boutique and restaurant scenes with stops every few store fronts to explore! If you're trying to find more details recommendations, I did an entire different blog post regarding purchasing in Toronto!

Night: Food Adventures

Toronto is a city with a severe cravings. The food scene right here is prospering as well as if they were Michelin approved, I guarantee there would be several Michelin star eateries. The diversity of food alternatives here is astonishing as well as I pinned far more dining establishments on my customized Google Map than I might ever before have gotten to in 48 hours in Toronto.

Despite which sort of food you remain in the mood for, Toronto has it. Because there are many areas to discover, I advise "bourdaining" which is my term for trying one dish at a great deal different places in honor of Anthony Bourdain's style of eating. By doing this, you can attempt a couple of restaurants around the city without filling up too much. Toronto is a large city, yet I located that it isn't huge on appointments. There are locations that take reservations in advance, yet I discovered most of the time I simply walked in as well as place my name on a list. As such, it is probably clever to eat in a smaller sized group of 4 or much less individuals.

Early Morning: Graffiti Street and also Downtown

Never ever one to refuse a great road art scene, I would advise beginning your 2nd day in Toronto discovering the famed Graffiti Street in the facility of the city. Specifically as it appears, this alley that runs behind Queen Street West has lots of graffiti and also road art. It uses a vivid explosion of creative thinking from neighborhood and global road musicians. It changes every few months, so what you see on one browse through might be completely various the following time!

From graffiti alley, you can continue walking eastern to midtown Toronto. If you get parched on the stroll, stop in at Dineen Coffee Co or get hold of a bite to eat at the historical Queen Mother Cafe. In main Toronto, you can locate the 'grammable Toronto sign, municipal government, Cloud Gardens, and also Yonge-Dundas Square. If you have any hockey fans in your traveling group, the Hockey Hall of Fame is likewise located in midtown Toronto.

Mid-day: Kensington Market

Simply north of Chinatown in main Toronto is Kensington Market. This walkable bohemian community feels like a hipster territory in Toronto that attracts young artists and travelers to its indie stores, classic boutiques, and arts areas. Similar to the Distillery Area, this historical little location has gorgeous (and vibrant!) Victorian houses that make it a fantastic area to invest a couple of hours simply straying around.

My preferred part of this neighborhood was all the vintage shops! Cinderella Vintage, Nerve My Love and also SubRosa were all terrific places to dig for old treasures. There are plenty of other amazing shops to explore in this field as well, like Cocktail Shop where you can discover all kind of awesome glass wares, devices and also books for your next at-home cocktail party!

There are GREAT DEALS OF food stalls, international dining establishments and coffee shops to drop in as you walk. There are additionally some great eating places and wine bars if you're really feeling elegant! A couple of places of note are Blackbird Bakeshop wherefore might be Toronto's ideal bread, Otto's Doner for 'grammable German street food, Wanda's Castle in the air for a wonderful or tasty bite of pie and Grey Gardens for a stylish glass of white wine.

Evening: Sundown Sights & Mixed Drink Adventures

Prior to leaving Kensington Market, grab some products to make yourself a little sundown picnic. As a waterfront city, Toronto has some gorgeous sky line viewing places and no time is better to appreciate Toronto's cityscape than sunset. For the very best views of the sky line, head to either Trillium Park or Jennifer Kateryna Koval's'kyj Park on the east or west sides of the city. Or if you're more of a rooftop individual, have a look at the elegant Roof Bar at the Broadview Resort, SOCO's Roof or the trendy Ritz Bar for incredible skyline views with delicious alcoholic drinks.

After the sunlight decreases, it is time to delight in another incredible part of Toronto's cooking scene-- alcoholic drinks! Like many various other cities around North America, Toronto is experiencing a resurgence of regional distillers and mixologists collaborating to revitalize the art of cocktail production. Civil Liberties, a bespoke cocktail bar is a great location to start. The bartenders will ask you concerning your alcohol choices as well as taste profile, and after that make a customized drink to suit your taste!

The relaxing and vivid Rhum Edge is an additional excellent spot, where you can try slushies or icy exotic drinks. For something a little unique, head to the Lockhart, a Harry Potter themed bar that is cranking out some seriously excellent cocktails all influenced by characters or events from the books.

48 hours in Toronto is a terrific method to start discovering this city, however there are still a lot of neighborhoods I have not been to and so several restaurants I have not eaten at. With so much to supply and discover, I understand that I will be returning to Toronto again in the future.

The post “ How to Spend Two Perfect Days in Toronto, Ontario “ was appeared first on TRAVERSE by Megan Arz

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