#why do you have to text me all day everyday about your relationship problems and how 'youve helped me so much im glad we're friends 😊'

[tojisfavlatina]

‘Me and My Husband’

Wc: 3.9k

Cw: nonconsensual drug use, brief message of SA

An: if you’ve seen this fic before… yeah that was me i accidentally deleted my tumblr acc cuz i didn’t know deleting ONE blog deletes all of them… oops… i also wrote that spider-man gojo fic WHICH I WILL REWRITE AND REUPLOAD

Being engaged to Satoru Gojo was nothing short of perfect. You both completely trusted each other, you were completely in love, you rarely ever argued, and if you did, it was over the simplest of things and you’d both end up laughing at the end of it.

The only problem was his family. They didn’t approve of your ranking as a grade 3 sorcerer and they didn’t like how you chose to spend your time as a sweets maker, instead of trying to become at minimum, a grade 1. You had the potential, they were aware of that, but you just chose not to try and promote your rank. They saw your actions as rebellious and an embarrassment to sorcerers.

When you first started dating Satoru, they all laughed in your face, saying your relationship was nothing more than a fling, but once Satoru announced he had proposed to you, hell broke loose.

They condemned it, they hated it, they even sent you threats, stating if you didn’t break off the engagement, they’d ruin your life.

Satoru always told you to never worry about them. He’d always choose you over his family, and of course, you trusted him.

⋆

“Ugh, do you have to go?” Satoru had gotten a call, another mission he had to oversee, since no one else could be trusted enough to take care of it.

He laughed at your grumbling. “I wish I didn’t, but you know how it is.”

You threw your head back on the couch and let out a deep sigh. “Yeah, I know… I just wish we could spend every day together.”

“Become a grade 1 and then we can go on missions everyday together.” He sat down next to you and placed his hand on your thigh.

You placed your hand on top of his. “Very funny, Satoru.”

You felt your phone buzzing and you quickly glanced at it, but the messages weren’t from anyone in your contacts.

2 New Messages From An Unsaved Number

hey it’s mei-mei

let’s go out tonight. just the two of us.

“It’s… Mei-Mei. Why would she be asking me to hang out?”

“Change of heart? I say give her a chance.”

“I don’t know… this feels random. She’s never liked me, Satoru, why would I believe she all of a sudden is a changed person?

“I think you’re acting way too paranoid.” You gave him a light smack on his forehead. He pouted at you as he rubbed it better. “Come on! It’s been forever since you’ve gone out, hasn’t it? Go have fun!”

You groaned with annoyance knowing he wouldn’t stop persisting. “Okay… only because you’re irritating me.” He gave you a smile and kissed your cheek before standing up.

“I guess I’ll see you later tonight. Have a great time baby.” Satoru gave you one last kiss before leaving.

Once you heard the door close, you flopped down onto the couch. You didn’t like the idea of hanging out with Mei-Mei, especially since it’d be just the two of you. There was a bad feeling growing in your gut, but you pushed it down because you told Satoru you’d have fun. You sent her a confirmation text and you felt your phone buzz a couple minutes later, but you didn’t even bother looking at it.

Slowly, you rose up from the couch and started getting ready. You didn’t bother doing much since you didn’t really care how Mei-Mei perceived you nor did you care about impressing anyone there. You were doing this for Satoru and Satoru only.

She sent you the address to a bar nearly half an hour away, so you decided to call an Uber instead of having her pick you up.

⋆

The bar was extremely busy, the only reason you were able to spot her was because of her bright hair.

You tapped her shoulder and let out a small hi. She let out a small gasp and gave you a smile before giving you a bone-crushing hug. “Go find us a table, I’ll get us drinks!” She left before you could even say anything, so you simply obliged.

You sat at an empty table and let out a shaky breath. You wanted to calm down, you wanted to have a good time, but this still felt strange.

She came back and slammed two glasses on the table, sliding one over to you.

“I wasn’t planning on drinking…”

“Come on~ one drink won’t hurt…”

“…Okay.” You took the shot from her and downed it immediately. It burned your throat, making you wince. There was a slight salty taste, but you ignored it, thinking maybe alcohol just tastes like that now. You rarely ever went out to bars or clubs, since Satoru was a lightweight and couldn’t get past two drinks. Mei-Mei giggled at your reaction and took her shot soon after.

“I’m gonna get us some more~.”

“N-no Mei-Mei, please I had the one drink, I think that’s enough.”

“What? You don’t want to have some more fun with your friend?”

“I… I’m gonna find the bathroom.” You quickly left your seat and walked forward, not even knowing if you were headed the right way. You eventually found the line for it and waited.

Once it was your turn, you felt yourself get lightheaded, must’ve been one hell of a shot Mei-Mei gave you.

You finished using the restroom and tried finding Mei-Mei, but couldn’t spot her. Every step you took had you stumbling, you couldn’t even stand up straight. You’ve only had one drink… Why was it affecting you this much?

You spotted white hair in the middle of a group of people, and you let out a sigh of relief. You hoped Mei-Mei could take you home since you felt so strange.

You pushed through the crowd to reach her, but once you did, it wasn’t her you saw.

“S-Satoru? Why are you h-here? … at work…” The words that could leave your mouth came out slurred and mumbled. The music started sounding extremely muffled, every blink you took made your vision blurrier. Satoru kept fading in and out, eventually, someone grabbed your arm and pulled you outside.

Your eyes shut. Once they opened again, you were inside a house, but you couldn’t tell who it belonged to.

Everything felt foggy, you felt nauseous. You wanted to stand, you tried to.

But you must’ve fallen, since the next time you had opened your eyes, you were blinded by the sun’s rays.

The first thing you felt was pain. Your head was throbbing and the light wasn’t making it any better. You rubbed your temples for any sort of relief, but to no avail.

You slowly opened your eyes, hoping they’d adjust to the light. Blink by blink, the light wasn’t so harsh anymore and you could fully open them. You looked around and didn’t recognize where you were.

Satoru. I need to call him. You looked around for your phone, but as you looked down, you weren’t in the clothes you put on last night. Instead, you wore an oversized shirt and sweats, clearly belonging to a man. A sick feeling grew in your stomach. There’s no way in hell…

“Mornin’.” A deep voice caused a shiver to run down your spine. Every worst case scenario went through your mind.

“W-who are you? Where am I?” He handed you two pills, but you refused to take them, you didn’t even know who he was.

The man only rolled his eyes at you before dropping the pills onto the coffee table. “They’re painkillers. Take ‘em’ or don’t, I don’t care.”

“How did I get here… did we…did you…” Sleeping in the house of a stranger scared you enough, but the possibility of him also taking advantage of you, made your heart almost stop.

“No. We didn’t have sex, I didn’t even touch you. The most we ‘did’ was me liftin’ your body off the floor.”

“Did you see the girl I was with? She has white hair-

“Yeah, she left. She came with us last night, but she was gone before I even woke up. Hell of a friend you got.” He walked to another room and came back out with a bag. “Here’s your shit. You should leave soon.” You only nodded to him before he left you alone again.

At the top of the bag was your phone, which thankfully, had enough battery to last you until you got home. There were 27 missed calls from Satoru alone, and a couple of others from your friends. You’d call them once you got home, right now you just wanted to hear Satoru. You dialed his number, but it immediately went to voicemail.

You didn’t think much of it. His phone was probably dead, you were always the one that plugged it in at night. You’d see him soon, so you simply ordered a ride home

⋆

You unlocked the front door, but it was eerily quiet inside. He was probably still asleep, he always woke up late.

You walked towards your room, the door was slightly cracked open, but you could see a figure inside, “Satoru?” Once you opened it all the way, you saw it was him and let all your things fall to the floor. You missed him so much, you just wanted him to hold you.

He had his blindfold on, which was extremely out of character, he rarely wore it around you anymore. He was sitting on your guy’s bed and stared at the wall ahead of him, not even glancing at you. “You’re back.” His tone was cold and his voice was meak, the complete opposite of what you had expected.

“Yeah… I am.” You approached him for a hug, but he stood up and immediately backed away from you. “Satoru? What’s wrong with you?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong with me… the fuck is wrong with me…” He let out a dry laugh. Everything about him was confusing you. “What exactly did you do last night?”

“I… I don’t remember. I met up with Mei-Mei, I had a drink, then everything after that is… blurry.”

“What were you doing with Toji?”

“Who’s Toji?”

“So you don’t even know the man who you slept with last night. That’s fucking amazing.”

“What are you talking about? I didn’t sleep with anyone!”

He pulled out his phone and walked towards you. Satoru made you hold it as he swiped. On the screen was a picture of you getting pulled out of the bar by a man and you getting into that same man’s car. You recognized the man, you woke up in his house this morning. You started laughing at Satoru. “Is that Toji? Are you two friends? Wait… you both set this up to prank me! Oh~ you really got me.” You continued laughing, but as you looked at his face, he didn’t find this the slightest bit of amusing, making you stop.

He snatched his phone from your hand before inhaling deeply, “and whose clothes are you wearing?”

“I don’t know. I woke up like this.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned, “and you keep lying to me, even though I already know…”

“Already know what?” Your voice grew louder, angrier. “You don’t… believe me?”

“How am I supposed to!? There’s pictures, the clothes you’re wearing, Mei-Mei called and told me everything that happened.” Hearing her name made you pause…

Mei-Mei…

“You believe Mei-Mei over me? Satoru, you know she’s been oddly obsessed with you since you’ve known her.” You threw an accusing finger at him.

He only glared at your finger, and at you. “I’ve also known her longer than you. She’s given me evidence that you cheated on me, so is believing her really the craziest thing right now?” You were taken aback by his words. He had never doubted you before, but now he was believing Mei-Mei of all people.

“So is that what’s going on? Is this your lame ass way to end things with me, so you can go and have her? Is that why you were so insistent on me going out?” He rolled his eyes and scoffed at you.

“Don’t try turning this on me ‘cuz you can’t own up and admit you’re a whore now.” You lifted your hand to slap him, but your hand never made contact with his skin. His infinity was on. Satoru didn’t even trust you enough to have it off around you anymore.

You scoffed, tears were building in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. You let out a shaky breath, “okay… I’ll admit to being a whore once you admit you were too pussy to end things with me, so you called your side bitch for help.”

“My family was right, I should’ve never proposed to you.” That was the last straw for you.

“Yeah, they were right.” You started gathering your things, but as you tried walking past him, he grabbed your arm to stop you.

“I already packed my things. You have my number right?” He let go of you and started walking out of the room, “make sure to get rid of it.” He walked further away and you eventually heard the front door slam shut.

Everything that just happened hit you all at once, finally breaking you. At first, you felt so betrayed, so angry. You threw the framed picture of him you kept on your nightstand against the wall, shattering it. Anything that even reminded you of him was broken. Once your rampage was over, you fell to your knees and started wailing, screamed until your voice was gone, you could barely breathe at this point.

You weren’t sure if you even wanted to.

Your entire life, the love of your life, gone.

Just like that.

⋆

A few days passed, you’d wake up hoping it was a nightmare, but the other side of the bed was always empty. He’s in the bathroom… he just woke up before me.

You’d get up to use the bathroom, but of course, it was empty, not even his toothbrush was there.

He was gone, and every time you came to that realization again, you’d break down sobbing.

⋆

A week passed. You knew he wouldn’t be there. You knew he wasn’t coming back. It still hurt, but you had to get use to it.

Word got out to your friends that you’d broken up, and they all sided with him. No one came to check up on you. It sucked, but you grew to understand it.

⋆

Three knocks sounded from the door. They were faint, almost hesitant. At first, you thought you imagined them, but then you heard them again, this time, a lot louder.

You opened the door to see the very man who had caused this depressive episode. Just seeing him made your knees almost buckle. Various emotions coursed through your body; rage, shame, sorrow, but worst of all, love.

You wanted to throw yourself back into his arms, for him to cradle you and say everything’s okay. You needed his warmth against yours and to bring you back the comfort you’ve been yearning for since he left.

But that wasn’t possible. Nothing he could say would fix what he’d done to you. His immediate response being to leave you, told you how much you really meant to him. He was so quick to push you away, like these last couple of years together truly meant nothing to him. It hurt to think about all the empty promises he had given you when he proposed.

How he promised to cherish you forever. How he swore to endlessly love you no matter what. How he’d choose to relive this lifetime over and over again if it meant being with you and only you.

The longer you stared into his eyes, the more you wanted to bawl. All of those happy memories you had with him flooded your mind, nearly drowning you into submission.

A lifetime had passed before you decided to be the one to break the silence. “Why are you here?” Your voice was laced with venom, making him rethink everything he wanted to say to you.

“I… I needed to see you again.” He could barely even look at you. Ironic. He knew he had caused you all of this pain and he wanted so badly to just hold you once more. “Can I come in?”

You exhaled before answering him, this didn’t feel real, you weren’t sure if you wanted it to be. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” His eyes pleaded to be let in, making it hard for you to refuse. You opened the door a little wider and let him walk past you. You closed the door behind him and stayed facing it.

“We need to talk.”

“I don’t think there’s much else to say.”

He tried turning you to face him, but you wouldn’t move. “Please. Just give me 5 minutes and then you can slap me, kick me, scream at me, I don’t care, please just… listen to me for a bit.”

You sighed. “5 minutes.” He let out a breath and thanked you. You ignored him and you both walked over to the living room.

You sat down and waited for him to start. He was nervous, he wouldn’t stop pacing around.

This was getting on your nerves. “Time’s ticking.”

“I found out my family had paid Mei-Mei to set you up. They paid her to drug you, and they paid Toji to take you home. I talked to Toji and he said he wasn’t aware of this plan they had set up. All he was told was to take you and Mei-Mei to his place and that’s what he did.” He said that all within a single breath.

Everything that had happened that night came back to you and what he just told you, explained everything.

It explained why you got drunk so easily, why you ended up in Toji’s car, why you woke up the next day with different clothes on, and why Mei-Mei had that picture of you and Toji together.

To say you were pissed was an understatement.

“You believed everyone else over me, over your own fucking fiancée.”

“Mei-Mei showed me proof! How am I supposed to believe words over that?” He threw his hands into the air out of frustration.

“Because they were my words! When have I ever fucking lied to you, Satoru?!” He was stunned into silence and you took a deep breath before you continued.

“When you proposed to me, I thought that meant we could trust one another, that we understood each other, that we were in love, but I see that I was wrong. You believed the bitch that’s been trying to get at you since high school. You chose the family that you shit talked more times than you’ve told me you loved me. All of them… over me.”

He was at a loss for words. He felt like the biggest idiot alive. Satoru knew he had made the worst mistake possible, believing others before you, and he could see that now.

Before, he was so blinded with anger, he was so hurt by you, he thought he had hated you. He even blamed himself, thinking you had cheated on him because he didn't care about you or didn’t appreciate you enough. He didn’t even stop to consider you were telling the truth.

You tore your eyes away from his body, knowing if you even caught a glance of him, you’d never say what needed to be said. “Maybe… maybe this is for the best. You need someone equally as strong alongside you. Someone who can pick up from where you may fall short, not someone weak, who drags you down alongside them. Maybe your family doing this was the right thing to do. You need to find someone better.”

Every word you spoke tore his heart apart. He hated hearing you belittle yourself, how you thought leaving him is what’s best, and how the both of you knew, you didn’t believe a single word that came out of your mouth.

He grabbed onto your hands and tried getting you to look at him, but you wouldn’t budge. “But there isn’t someone better. I don’t need to find anyone else… I need you. I can’t imagine my life without you, I don’t even know how I managed to live before I met you. You’re the reason I wake up in the morning and the reason I continue living. You make me want to get stronger so that every time I leave, you have that reassurance that I’m coming back home.” You continued looking away from him, causing him to feel helpless since he knew once your mind was set on something, there wasn’t any changing it.

He fell in love with your stubbornness, and now that same stubbornness became his grief. He couldn’t stop the flow of tears that fell from his eyes. Gojo hated showing weakness, he hated showing that he was just a human. He was never treated as such, so why act like one?

It hurt to see him like this. You hated seeing him in pain, but you kept convincing yourself this was the right decision. “Satoru, I’m always going to love you…” You tore your hands away from him and slid your engagement ring off your finger, “so when you eventually find the perfect somebody, the person who truly completes you, just know it was all because of me. Because I had the strength to let you go. I had the strength to let you find true happiness.” The tears that had been threatening to fall finally came crashing down.

You had spent the last few weeks all by yourself, abandoned by your fiancée, so officially breaking things off should’ve been easy. But it was so difficult having to mourn the very person that stood right in front of you.

It’d be so easy running back into his arms and saying everything’s okay. That everything would be fixed and everything would go back to normal.

However, there wasn’t any trust anymore, the very foundation your relationship was built on, was broken. Staying with him would mean living under his constant supervision, since he’d fear being lied to. You’d never be able to enjoy yourself without feeling guilty. It simply wasn’t possible.

You wiped your eyes and sniffled a few times before speaking again. “It’s been 5 minutes, Gojo. You should leave.”

He was on his knees, practically begging now. “Don’t do this. Don’t call me that. Please, we can make it work again, it’ll be okay.”

“I gave you what you wanted, and now it’s time for you to go.” He very hesitantly got up and tried to at least hug you, but you backed away from him. “Funny, you still haven’t even apologized to me.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but you quickly raised your hand to stop him. “Don’t bother. Just leave.”

Gojo wiped his eyes and turned to walk out. He wanted to say something, anything, but his mouth kept failing him. He decided to say nothing, he didn’t want to make it worse. He opened the door to leave but before he could, you grabbed his shoulder

“You have my number right?” He nodded, a spark of hope lit up in his eyes. “Make sure to get rid of it.”

[nanamistie]

Can you do any of the Haikyuu boys x Fem!reader, where they get into an argument (with an angst ending please🥹🥹🥹) if you can’t that’s perfectly fine <3

Haikyuu boys getting in an argument with Fem!reader, and never solve the problem.

Warnings: angst, no comfort, swearing, harsh words, cheating, heavy breakups.

Oikawa

You were such a perfect couple, at least, that's what you thought. You were so proud of him, always comforted him after losing, he cared for you, he helped you with school. It was kinda weird that he never showed you publicly, or even mentioned that he has a relationship in interviews, but those didn't matter that much to you. You were in love, right? So then, why did you find him like this?

“Oikawa how could you do this to me?” you asked him desperately trying to hear that it was just a dream. “I’m sorry, I got bored of this relationship’’ he simply replied. Your eyes widened. “Y-You got b-bored?? Oikawa Tooru, how could you? I was there to wipe your tears when you lost, and I still didn't get bored -you paused- i hoped and prayed that one day you’ll win and be happy, and I would’ve wiped those tears again because they would’ve been of joy. And you got b-bored?” you looked at him with tears running down your cheeks. “I don't need to explain myself, it’s not my fault you were dumb and got attached” and with that he simply left you there, crying all by yourself.

Atsumu

He was so full of himself tonight. His team won an official match against Karasuno, but that doesn’t give him an excuse to treat you like this.

“How about we celebrate by eating out?” you asked while he sat on your shared bed. “Nah, I'll go talk to the boys and maybe play a game or two” he said standing up from the bed. “Why don’t you celebrate with me and you celebrate with them? I was there for you in stands of all your matches”

“Y/n, they are my teammates, they are more important than you are. Plus, you are a woman, why don’t you go back in the kitchen and make me something to eat.” your face got all red and flushed, you grabbed your purse and hit him in the head with full force. “Fuck you!” you grabbed your keys and left the apartment.

You slept at your friend's house, actually, you barely slept. You waited for him to call you all night, but he never did.

Kuroo

The last few days had been very tense. You and your boyfriend Kuroo were having a lot of small arguments,about the fact that he got late home almost everyday, he wasn’t giving you enough attention, you couldn’t come to his matches, things like this. But none of the small fights ended like this one in this morning:

“All I’m saying is that you could come home earlier from practice, or at least bother to text me that you’re gonna be late, it’s like you don’t even care that I'm here waiting for you day and night!” you yell at him. “Whatever Y/n, I’m late to practice” you both knew this was a lie. But you heard him mutter under his breath “I wanted a break anyway.”

And with that, he left. He left with no goodbye, no explanation, no excuses. You felt your whole world collapsing on you. You sat with your knees to your chest, crying, hoping he will come back and tell you that he didn’t mean what he just said.

Bokuto

Today he lost another game. And he felt like it was all his fault. So why won't he blame somebody else and maybe let his anger out on that person too?

“Baby, Kou, it’s fine, it’s just a game” you get interrupted by him. “No, it’s not just a game, Y/n, it’s volleyball, everything is important about it! WELL, I MEAN HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHEN YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A HOBBY, YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING! ALL YOU DO IS BOTHER ME AND KEEP DISTRACTING ME FROM THE ONLY THING THAT I REALLY LOVE!!” you pause your breathing. You felt so guilty, you look down, you don’t even dare maintaining eye contact with your “boyfriend”. Tears pick at your eyes, and you cross your arms.

“Yeah, sure, cry, that’s all you can do, since you know what I just said is true.” You felt those words cut so deep, your heart broke in a million pieces.

Osamu

You never really learned how to cook, but seeing your boyfriend cook everyday made you learn a few things, so you thought you could make something special for him tonight. I mean, what could go wrong? Everything.

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU WASTED SO MUCH INGREDIENTS, AND YOU STILL FUCKING BURNED IT, HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE?!” he yelled at you, showing you the mess you made in his kitchen. “I'm really sorry, I just wanted to make something good for you once…”

“Well, apparently you can’t, so why don't you just leave?” You looked up at him, but his gaze scared you- there was no more love in his eyes, not even a little bit. What was wrong with you, were you that hard to love?

Iwaizumi

“I love listening to you” you confess to him. “You do?” you look at him, reassuring him “Yes baby, of course i do! Even when you talk about how much you hate Oikawa, you know, i had a friend that i hated her the exact same way but-”

“Well if you like listening to me, then why do you make it about yourself?” you froze. Did you just do that? “I-” you looked into his eyes searching for his love and reassuring but where were those? “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to, you know that, right? I’m really sorry, Haji, look at me” you tried grabbing his face but he pushed your hands away. “Just leave me alone already, with your excuses and everything. I’m getting tired of this. We’re done.”

You hated yourself. That small mistake you didn’t even know you made, cost you everything.

...

Hey!! Of course I can write this! Sorry it took a long time, someone caught a cold and couldn't do it on time. Hope you liked it!

💕💕💕

[roturo]

I DO - geto suguru x reader

summary: love makes us do stupid things. stupid things to never notice how you loved him. how he lost you.

warnings: angst, age-gap, nsfw(?), childhood friends, a lot of metaphors (?).

A/N: I never realized how much I loved writing angst and how tranced I could be while writing it. This was supposed to be smut but idk, felt depressed.

TUMBLR IS BASED ON A REGLOG SYSTEM. PLEASE LEAVE A COMENT AND REBLOG MY WORK ><

How you call it? … Lover? Delusional?

Ah, hopeless romantic.

They know you as the hopeless romantic in jujutsu tech.

But, being in love with one person for your whole life and feelings were never reciprocated would it still count as a hopeless romantic even if you keep that hope for it?

Geto Suguru. Your childhood crush, school crush, and what you like to call him, soulmate.

Everyone in your social circle knows you’re in love with Geto, and you’re pretty sure people outside the circle know it too. You saw him as someone to admire, to follow his path, to be as strong as him.

He was 12, you were 8. But, until this day, him being 25, and you being 21, those feelings and thoughts about him wouldn’t leave anytime soon.

An amazing guy like him, teached you fighting techniques, helps you with your studies, and even brings you out with his friends every once in a while. He was the prince of your dreams.

You never said out loud you had a crush on him. Not even accepting it. But everyone knew because of the way your eyes light up when you see him, the high pitch in your voice when you get nervous around him, feeling protected by him.

You suppose he’s dumb because how could everyone know but him?

He had you confused, wrapped around his finger, you’re sure he likes you too. The way his cheeks get pinkish when you compliment him, how he would grab your hand unconsciously while walking, how he would kiss your neck when you’re alone, but never your lips, how he knew every part of your body, just slight touches, nothing to call it something more, and knowing every single little fact about you.

But now you feel stupid, foolish.

Guess you played yourself, might even be your fault.

Or maybe you should have never played him so hard.

It hit you like a shot in the heart the first time you saw him with her. She was beautiful, funny, and smart. But oh no, you won’t let her love him like you do, no one could.

They all know nobody could love Suguru Geto as you. He even said it himself.

“She’s like the sun covering my body with love. The water in the shower touches my skin and sees everything about me without any bad thought. Nobody could compare with her, I don’t even love myself as much as she does.”

So why are you afraid of losing everything you thought you couldn’t?

And it’s like she knew how much this hurts you. It’s like she wanted this all along. She could be everything, but a good person? Oh no. At least not towards you.

She would often make back-handed comments about you, treat you like shit when Geto’s not around, humiliate you.

She is evil.

“Trust me Suguru, she’s not the one.”

“Why do you care so much? Everyone seems fine with her, but you? Why do you hate her so much? She’s been nice with you, with everyone! Just stop being annoying and leave me and my relationship alone.”

“… Suguru-”

“No. I don’t wanna hear anything else related to her and how you don’t like her. Stop it. Please.”

It felt like your whole world was falling apart. What happened to the silly little dates at midnight for some ice cream? The sudden hugs? Texting everyday? Listening to each other?

Maybe he was a problem right from the start. Never facing these feelings, never running away, guess that’s your fault.

It hit you like a poisonous dart. You said you wouldn’t let her love him like you do, hold him like you do, know him like you do.

So why are you stepping out? Leaving school? Starting a ‘normal life’?

You stopped being related to them, to him. And you wished he never fell in love with her.

And after some time, he wished that too.

He was stupid, foolish.

Guess he played with himself, it’s his fault.

It hit him like a shot in the heart. Knowing he fucked up this time. You were beautiful, funny, smart, and kind. But he never loved you like you loved him.

They all knew he was stupid for letting you go.

“She’s just really sentimental and sensible, she’s still very young to understand relationships, a childhood crush it’s something impossible to really happen, she just needs to learn that.”

So why is he afraid of losing everything he thought he could?

And it’s like he always knew he fucked this up the moment he treated you bad. That he would regret this, but love made everyone stupid.

Did he really feel love towards her? Love her like he loved you?

He was an idiot.

“I’m sorry I never appreciated you like I should’ve. I’m sorry for losing the chance to love you like you loved me. I’m sorry for leaving you.”

It hit him like a poisonous dart. He said you would come back, stop loving him.

So why is he crying here in a dusty vault? Where were you? Why you left?

You stopped being related. To them, to him.

And after some time, nothing happened.

[dilfl0v3rss]

this was the eren and reiner fic with a the different ending. i felt like it wasn’t what y’all wanted so i changed it, but if you’re interested in reading it here it is🤷🏽‍♀️

caller blocked

“ian ready for no relationship.” the excuse of excuses. the words that were always thrown your way after you’d try to convince your little “fling” that you wanted to be more. eren stood up, zipping his pants before grabbing his hoodie and heading out your dorm room. your situation was…complicated. well not really. you grew very attached to this man, looking for him at parties, going to every single one of his games, giving him your notes so he wouldn’t fail and get kicked off the team, and letting him fuck you whenever he wanted.

you were practically dating. or that’s what you thought. eren seen you as just another pretty little thing to keep his grades up and his dick wet. using you constantly while labeling it at love to keep you coming back for more. “b-but why ren?” eren dropped his shoulders, sighing before he walked back to you and raised your chin with his fingers. “you know the rules pretty. cant be tied down worrying about a girl during the season. when all of this craziness is over then we can work sum out.”

a smile bloomed on your face as you looked at eren in complete adoration. you couldn’t wait for the season to end so you could finally be with the man you love. your friends seen you as a complete idiot, and they had no problem trying to shut down your delusions. “girl what don’t you get? as soon as the season ends he gon drop you like a bad habit.” “yea he’s lying to you baby.”

you shook your friend as your friends annie and sasha tried to speak some sense into you. “he wouldn’t do that to me. h-he lo-” “he doesn’t love you and m’gonna prove it.” before you could reply annie pulls out her phone, clicking historias instagram story to show you what she posted in her close friends. there eren was, laying his head on her stomach with his arms wrapped around her as the rest of his body laid snug between her legs. the caption reading ‘pussy put his ass to sleep🤣’.

your eyes instantly welled with tears as you watched eren, your eren be with someone else the same way he’d be with you. annie was contemplating telling you for awhile. hoping that you’d come to your senses on your own without having to get hurt, but she just couldn’t hold it in anymore. “why would he-” “because historias dumber than a bag of rocks and she doesn’t mind sucking and fucking a dick that’s been in half the campus.” sasha spit.

annie wiped your tears with a napkin from her purse before standing up with you on the quad bench. “fuck him furreal. there’s so many guys that have been tryna get at you, but you’ve been oblivious to them because of eren.” you nodded your head, acting as if you were agreeing but you were really heartbroken. the three of you said your goodbyes and you went back to your room. tears flooded your pillowcase as you thought about what you had just witnessed.

you were being played, but you weren’t about to just let it go. deciding that one day you’ll get your revenge, but right now you wanted nothing to do with him. weeks went by since you’ve last talked to eren. he wasn’t suspicious of it since he’d usually only talk to you when he needed something anyways. covering up his actions with “practice” to keep you from pestering him.

as annie said, a lot of guys have tried to get at you and instead of shooting them down like you usually did, you gave one a chance. you and reiner have gotten pretty close over the last few weeks. texting almost everyday, eating lunch together, and sharing your favorite books with each other in the library as you studied. he was sweet and charming.

always paying for your lunch no matter how many times you’ve tried to return the favor, walking you all the way to your dorm after a particularly late study sesh, and holding your hand when the two of you would cross the street. he mostly did that for his enjoyment, but you didn’t mind.

the two of you weren’t dating, but many people thought you were, given that one was barely seen without the other. “where’s your boo suge.” sasha would say when you finally hung out with your girls after three long weeks. “hush uppp. we just talking.” annie, sasha, and pieck busted out laughing before pieck leaked some information to you.

“girl you know we seen you getting your back blown out in the back of his jeep right?” your hands flew to your mouth as you gasped in shock. “yupp. saw him pulling your hair and allat right in our dorm parking lot.” sasha said as you covered your face in embarrassment before mumbling into your hands. “ooouuu yall so nosey i could strangle all three of you right now.” annie scoffed as she pulled your arms from your face.

“you think we’re dumb? you’ve been ditching us every chance you got. and when you do decide to finally hang out with us for a little, you come with a bunch hickies and a pimp walk.” all of you laughed at her last comment. rolling your eyes before checking your phone. speak of the devil.

rei🌻

‘got everything ready for movie night!’

‘waiting on you now mama💛’

you looked up from your phone, instantly getting pissed looks from your friends. “don’t even say nun. go be wit your man. enjoy it too because this weekend you all OURS. you hear me?” you giggled as you stood from your spot on sasha’s beanbag chair. “i hear youuu. love yallll!!” each of your friends replied with “love you toos” before you left to go spend time with reiner.

“aight i got nightmare on elm street and i got fri-” “princess and the frog” reiner chuckled as you looked up at him. sitting on his bed in nothing but his t shirt that you changed into as soon as you got there. “we watched that last time princess. you said you’d let me switch it up.” pink lip jutting out in a pout at he looked at you with sad eyes.

you laughed, watching this huge man with black ink dancing around his arms and chest being such a softy for you. his sweatpants hanging low on his hips as he situated himself under you on the bed. “okay then coco. i love un poco locoooo” a groan flew from his lips as he rolled his eyes at your choices. “no more disney. if i hear another song ima rip my ears off.”

the two of you ended up settling on john wick, but that didn’t really matter since it was thirty minutes into the movie where you found yourself plopping up and down on his thick dick. big veiny hand holding the back of your neck while his other arm was squeezing your ass. “how ya feeling princess.”

your moans flew directly into reiners ear as your hands gripped the pillow next to his head. “s-so good papa. real good.” his pace slowed as he started putting more of his inches into you. your hands flew to his hair, stroking and pulling his blonde crown with your eyes closed tightly. “that’s what i like to hear. love making my pretty girl feel good.” you were so out of it you didn’t even notice that reiners hand was no longer on your ass. instead he was texting your ex fling on your phone.

ren ren💚

‘yo. you up?’

he seen the name pop up and instantly got heated, knowing what he’s done to you. he grabbed the device without thinking as he made quick work to delete his number before replying.

you

‘yea what’s up?’

347-***-****

‘miss you mama🤧’

‘let me pull up on you’

‘the nerve of this guy’ reiner thought as a quick idea came up into his head. he quickened his strokes, laying the phone on the bed as the phone dialed erens number. “o-o-ooouuu rei you feel so good.” a smirk crept onto his face. “i feel good pretty girl?” you nodded your head, whining after you felt a hard slap to your ass. the sound bouncing off the walls as his one hand took up lots of space on your asscheek.

“use those words mama. like when you talk t’me.”

“y-you feel so g-good daddyyyy” reiner looked up at you in adoration before connecting his lips with yours in a sloppy kiss. smacking sounds ringing loud in the air as he practically devoured you. reiner glanced back at the phone to see that eren had hung up, a bunch of texts popping up as he scrolled through each of them.

347-***-****

‘wyd y/n?’

‘man you so lame for that fr’

‘how you just gon give my pussy away like that?’

‘he never gon be able to fuck you like i do’

‘cmon baby don’t pass up a relationship with me for braun…’

‘i swear i’ll never text historia again’

‘she could never amount to you ong baby’

‘baby?’

‘text me back y/n :(‘

‘at least still study with me…historia’s so dumb i’ll get kicked off the team fasho’

*caller blocked*

reiner threw your phone to the side before laying you on you your back. pulling out of you before moving his head towards your pussy. his pink lips wrapped around your clit before licking up and down your middle. “all mine right baby?” his green eyes met your brown ones. the two of you staring deeply into each other before you nodded you head slowly.

“all yours”

[doobea]

TIMES OF NEED ─ BAROU SHOEI + NAGI SEISHIRO

synopsis: in which, barou's out for the day, you're bedridden, and nagi is staring really hard at the at home remedies article on his phone.

contents: gn!reader, poly relationship, nagi really tries (but fails), barou ends up taking care of everyone but what's new, sfw, very fluffy, a sick fic from a blurb, nagi centric, kinda proof'd word count: 2.6K a/n: here, have something cute and short!! because i've been slacking on some blue lock content. and yeah like wouldnt it be funny if i manage to convince everyone to start shipping nagibarou ha...haha...

Nagi’s not sure when he started to become a constant around you and Barou. 

Reo thinks it started happening on the day he stopped seeing Nagi’s in-game username online. Barou believes it’s when Nagi started “randomly” syncing his gym sessions with him. You have a hunch that it was your shared cooking class in undergrad that brought him closer. Whatever the case it might’ve been, it doesn’t change the hard fact that Nagi Seishiro has been staying over at you and Barou’s apartment every weekend for the past six months.

Today’s supposed to be a good weekend with both of you. It has always been that way. 

Nagi lets himself get lost whenever he’s around you two; he becomes more expressive, jokes and snarky comments against Barou are typically common, Nagi learns a thing or two about daily household chores, and afternoon siestas are an absolute must between the three of you.

The order, and yes there’s an order, that goes with you on the right, Nagi in the middle, and Barou to his left. Why is that? Because Nagi loves being smushed from all sides, it helps him fall asleep faster.

Today, however, he doesn’t get his usual afternoon naps. At least, in the way he wants it to be.

On this faithful Saturday afternoon, Nagi wakes up to your sudden coughing fits and a note on the fridge from Barou stating he’ll be visiting his family for the day. And this wouldn’t really be a problem for Nagi if it weren’t for the fact that, one: he has no clue what to make to sooth your cold, because he’s pretty sure you’re running a nasty fever, and two: if he can barely take care of Choki, what makes him think that he can take care of another person?

Nagi is debating with himself internally when he’s crouched by your bedside, grasping your sweaty palm tightly into his, while checking your temperature with his forehead because he’s seen Barou doing it dozens of times before. He’s fighting the urge to call him and Nagi’s not sure if he wants to blame the nagging voice in his head telling him — hey, if Barou comes back and sees that you’re better and healthy looking, then Nagi will earn himself brownie points in this… situationship? Yeah, whatever label you guys have, that’s a discussion for another time, though. 

So, Nagi says fuck it, and decides at the end to not text Barou. 

“Sei,” you call out, weakly, followed by a string of rapid coughs.

He squeezes your hand in return, kissing the crown of your head. “Want me to make you something?”

“Do we still have the leftover soup from yesterday?”

“Um,” and this is where Nagi fucks up without even trying because, of course, he just so happened to finish the rest earlier this morning while you were showering. His eyes widen a little and you absolutely notice. 

It’s totally not his fault that Barou’s cooking is so damn good, though. Anyone would be lucky enough to eat his dishes everyday.

Thankfully, you laugh it off. “Okay, forget I even asked.”

The thought of contacting Barou increases slightly.

“ ‘m sorry…” and Nagi feels embarrassed, a bit frustrated at himself. Chewing at his lips, Nagi pulls out his phone and begins to look up ‘at-home remedies for colds’ into the search bar, making sure to tilt the screen towards you because he’s not exactly sure which article to choose from. “I can try to make whatever you think might help.”

You end up settling with the third listed website since the first two contained one too many steps for both of your likings. After scrolling past the author’s in-depth childhood backstory on why this dish saved their life, Nagi reviews the ingredients and directions. It’s a chicken noodle soup recipe and the instructions look simple enough that he’s sure even a toddler couldn’t mess it up. 

He’s totally got this under control.

“Give me thirty minutes?”

And, in exactly thirty minutes, he hears the bedroom door creek open, the sounds of your bare feet tapping relentlessly against the wooden flooring as you make your way closer.

You smile, nose congested as you waddle into the kitchen and hop onto the bar stool, watching Nagi with attentive, but tired eyes. “You alright over there?”

Nagi makes a pained little sound and scrunches his face when he gives the final batch a taste test. It’s then, he realizes, that he added way too much white pepper into the broth. The kitchen, however, does smell nice, so it kinda gives him the illusion that he’s doing something right. But, as the light brown broth, speckled in all things black and white, stares blankly back at him, Nagi wonders if feeding you this would cause you more harm than good.

“You want ginger ale instead?” Nagi offers, though he’s already sliding you a cold can from the fridge. He’s heard from some twitch streamers that ginger ale is actually kinda helpful against common colds. 

“Are you gatekeeping that chicken soup, Sei?” A pause and then he hears you groan. “You didn’t read the recipe beforehand?”

“Skimmed it,” Nagi confesses with a sigh. “It didn’t look that hard.”

In the hindsight of things, does Nagi look like the type of person who can cook? His diet, on days where he doesn’t stay over at your place, consists of frozen pizza, burritos, and a whole lot of cereal. Nagi knows how to use the air fryer, which is probably the most expensive kitchen appliance he has. He also knows how to make decent cup noodles and usually tops it off with a handful of frozen pre-cut scallions from his freezer. Other than that? Nagi’s pretty much hopeless.

Maybe asking Barou for some private cooking lessons later might not be such a horrible idea.

Besides him, your stomach keeps growling. Every time it happens, you sniffle as loudly as you can to muffle the sound of it, but Nagi can still clearly hear it and he feels kinda awful.

“I can order us food,” which he should’ve done in the first place.

You frown, shaking your head. “What? You don’t have to do that. I’ll still eat whatever you made, can’t be that bad.”

“It’s not good—”

“I’d rather eat now than wait forty minutes for delivery,” you counter with another stomach growl, and that makes Nagi slumps his shoulders and he prepares you a small bowl of whatever concoction he created. The poor chickens might’ve died for nothing.

And, approximately five seconds later, from the time you took a spoonful to the time that you swallowed his homemade meal, you start sputtering out of control, almost spitting out the broth.

Okay, this isn’t his fault since he did technically warned you prior. 

“It’s not that bad,” you’re still smiling through the sniffles, voice strained and even scratchier sounding, and it’s a bit unsettling. “But, maybe, we can just wait ‘till Shoei gets back for dinner?”

Nagi stifles back a groan and shrinks into his oversized hoodie. He’d known you would say something similar in that regard. And, five minutes later, after you two discovered that Nagi had accidentally mistaken salt for sugar, you both agreed to give Barou a call.

It doesn’t quite go so well.

“Hey, Shoei,” your drawl is casual, even though your voice is on the verge of giving out and you’re definitely not kicking Nagi’s foot underneath the kitchen table. “Just wondering, what time are you coming back?” A pause. “I sound like what? It’s just my sleepy voice, as usual.” Another pause and you start to laugh a bit nervously. “Okay, so I might've caught a cold from staying up late but these exams aren’t gonna pass themselves.” Another pause and Nagi thinks he can hear Barou’s voice rising on the line. “Sei’s helping me! He, uh, made something edible…” and you shoot him a wryly smile before bringing your phone to his ear.

“Is the apartment burnt down?”

Nagi huffs and rolls his eyes, quickly taking notice of the sounds of car keys and ignition turning on. “Hello to you, too.”

After a while, the conversation strays from your well being to whatever Nagi was cooking up earlier.

“You’re going to end up burning the place down if you keep the heat that fucking high.”

“Then they shouldn’t make settings that high to begin with.”

“How did you mess salt and sugar up?”

“Your fault for not labeling everything, King.”

After some more grumbling, and some coaxing from your end, Barou decides to end the call before experiencing both road rage and Nagi rage at the same time. Nagi is flaring his nose and puffing out his cheeks as he hands back your phone and you only offer him a weak hug but, because you are sick, Nagi considers it to be pretty strong. 

“You guys always go at each other’s throats,” you sigh, burying your face into his chest.

Nagi raises his hands and starts patting your head in a slow, gentle rhythm. “ ‘s not my fault, he starts it most of the time.”

And really, if it weren’t for the fact that Barou makes really good food, is a walking furnace, strong, reliable, and good looking — then maybe Nagi wouldn’t be as pissed. But, because Barou is all of the above and more, Nagi is sulking. 

“You know he also cares about you, too, right?” You point out happily enough, peering up through your lashes.

He shrugs in response, and tries to sound nonchalant, but he feels his heart fluttering and doing the damn thing where it’s trying to explode out of his chest at the mere thought of Barou liking him back and, of course, you sharing the same sentiment. 

Despite rooming with the other male during their undergrad years, Nagi wasn’t able to get super close to him until after Barou started dating you. And, by super close, Nagi means proximity and maybe some layers of hidden feelings. You’ve mentioned in passing that getting emotionally close to Barou takes a lot of effort, though it’s less of a struggle than, say, befriending another emotionally constipated associate of his. Hint: you were definitely not jabbing at Sae or Rin, or were you?

Nagi sighs. He doesn’t want to think about that, at least not now. He’s still not sure if he’ll ever really be able to live up to Barou’s standards, and at this moment, he doesn’t particularly want to, not while you're fiddling around with the chicken in the bowl.

“Guess so,” he agrees, a bit dully.

Needless to say, Nagi is very relieved when he finally spots Barou’s car pulling into the driveway. You immediately greet him at the door, wrapped tightly in a blanket, and place a chaste kiss to his cheeks despite him scolding you for spreading germs everywhere. Still, seeing you all teary eyed gets his knees weak every time and, ultimately, he couldn’t stay mad at you forever. 

“You’re fucking burning up.” Barou gruffs, placing his forehead against yours.

“Then let’s keep each other warm tonight!”

“We’re all gonna get sick if we do that, idiot.” But, nevertheless, he returns the kiss and settles you to the living room sofa while he strides to the kitchen, giving Nagi a quick up-down glance.

“Smells like white pepper,” Barou stares at Nagi’s pathetic creation.

“Recipe called for it,” Nagi mumbles back, and he doesn’t quite meet Barou’s eyes with that. 

Barou then continues on a mini tangent, but Nagi’s only half listening, because his attention is more fixated on what’s in Barou’s hands, a couple of hefty grocery bags. Apparently, on his way back, Barou stopped by the grocery store to stock up on cold medicine and managed to fight off three grandmas in the produce section. They don’t call him King Barou for nothing.

Then, Nagi realizes, quite abruptly, that he’s leaning into Barou, that they’re pressed quite close when he’s demonstrating how to easily peel off the skin of a potato. Nagi shuffles a little in place, adjusting his weight so it’s not quite so obvious and invading Barou’s personal space.

“You’re good with curry, tonight?”

“Mhm,” Nagi hums back, quietly.

It only takes Barou under an hour to whip up the meal. You and Nagi both ended up watching the spectacle from the kitchen table, acting like a mini live audience when Barou starts narrating everything he’s doing. And, after Barou sets everyone’s plates down, Nagi wants to say something, an apology maybe, but instead, he picks up a spoonful of the curry and shoves it into his mouth. It’s no surprise that it’s delicious, way better than what he can ever possibly make. He knows this because you’re sighing in content, making oddly suggestive noises as you swallow each and every bite.

Nagi chews his lip, and Barou watches out of the corner of his eyes. “The food is good,” he decides to settle with that.

Nagi stays silent for the rest of dinner and takes over cleaning the dishes while you and Barou get ready for bed, because that’s the least he can do after today. Though, suddenly, the apartment is the absolute last place he wants to be. He wants to be back at his own place, curled under the blankets, with his door shut, and ignore the outside world while he plays video games.

Frankly, Nagi feels out of place right now.

“Hey,” Barou calls out from behind. He’s got his hair down, slightly damp from the shower, a towel loosely placed on his neck, and he’s giving Nagi a hard stare, but it’s not malicious. At least Nagi knows he can sleep peacefully tonight.

“Yeah?” and Nagi’s voice drops to little more than a whisper.

“Thanks for, uh, trying to look out for them.” Barou’s looking far off, focusing more on the bare wall instead of Nagi’s tight expression.  

“It’s nothing, really…” Nagi replies, quietly, but he has a feeling that there's a lot of weight behind those words.

Nagi flushes when Barou steps closer, his fingers carefully brushing over the front of his sweatshirt before plucking off a loose strand. It feels like a very domestic thing to do. Something that a couple would do. And he’s somehow, surprisingly, okay with it. Nagi’s never been good at putting that much effort into his appearance but, after the recent stays over, he feels like he can trust Barou with it. 

“Tomorrow, wake up early and I’ll show you a thing or two in the kitchen.” And, without Barou’s usual rough tone, it sounds genuine to Nagi’s ears. Before Nagi can make a decision, before he can potentially mess things up again, Barou continues. “It’ll cover simple stuff to, um, avoid things like today from happening.”

He’s grateful that Barou can somewhat read his mind. “I won't complain.” 

They don’t look at each other, but on Nagi’s shoulder lies a firm hand, and he can’t help but to tip his chin up. Barou’s grip is solid, anchoring, pulling him out of the depths of his mind and back to the present, and he’s here. There’s a moment of silent back and forth, where neither of them dared to move and kept stealing glances at another, and Barou looks, again, a little emotionally constipated. Nagi decides it’s kinda a bad look on him.

“Are you guys heading to bed?” Your voice snaps both of them out of the weird trance and Barou’s the first one to pull back. 

“Yeah, we’re coming,” Barou replies back, and gives Nagi’s sleeves a light tug towards the direction of the bedroom. 

And Nagi hopes that it’s not noticeable, the way that he’s trying to calm every muscle on his face, suppressing the warmth on his cheeks ever so slightly when both of them make their way into the room and slip underneath the sheets with you squished in between them. It’s warm, comforting, and somehow you look incredibly pleased with yourself.

© 2023 DOOBEA. do not copy any of my writing and translate/repost.

[flowerxbunnie]

Star Crossed

Chris x Fem reader

Warnings: angst, cheating/breakup, underage drinking, scene involving cigarettes

“Fuck you Garrett, like actually.” I spat, gripping at the handle of his jeep and threatening to leave.

“What is your problem? You never told me that it wasn’t okay. She’s literally Tristan’s cousin. And your best friend is a guy, I thought you would be okay with this.” he argued, his face plastered with confusion but his voice filled with anger.

“Don’t try to make me feel crazy,” I warned, turning back to face him and pinching the bridge of my nose. “I’m okay with you having friends of the opposite gender. But I don’t care if it’s the Queen of England, since when is it okay to text other girls private details about our relationship?”

“I only do it when we’re in arguments and I need someone to vent to. She told me I could come to her when I was upset. It’s not like it’s an everyday thing.” He throws his hands up in frustration.

“Okay,” I let an angry chuckle out. “I’m gonna call up one of my girls’ cousins and tell him about this right quick then. See if he maybe has some advice for me.”

“That’s not the fucking same and you know it. He’d try to fuck you or god knows what else.” He scowled.

I stare into his eyes, blinking slowly, hoping the hypocrisy behind his words catches up to him. But it doesn’t.

“I just don’t get why you treat me like I’m some horrible boyfriend,” he starts, “I meet my best friend’s cousin at a bonfire, get her number and text her casually and you fly off the handle.”

“You text her about OUR RELATIONSHIP. When we’re at our worst. Why do you need advice from a random fucking girl who you barely know?” I snapped, my cheeks burning and my hands shaking. Tears threaten to spill over, something I hate about myself when I get angry. “Let’s not forget that you went through and liked every single one of her instagram pictures. Every single one. Was that a piece of the advice she gave you? To make your girlfriend look like a fucking idiot?” I fumed, his hands moving to grip the steering wheel with white knuckles. “And how do I know that’s all you talk about, hm? All the texts are deleted.”

His face remains blank as he grabs the gear-shifter and throws the jeep into reverse. His eyes flick up to the rear view and he backs out of our spot in the random shopping outlet’s parking lot, roughly shifting into drive a he pulls out and into the road.

“What the fuck are you doing, Garrett?” I grumble, watching the streetlights lining the road zoom past my window as he speeds down the highway.

“I’m taking you home. I’m not gonna stay with a crazy bitch who thinks she can micromanage my every move.” He spoke, his tone calm and his expression unwavering.

I take a deep breath. I’m done with the arguing.

“Okay.”

I close out of her instagram account, still trying to convince myself that my eyes are playing tricks on me as Garrett’s name is plastered under her newest scandalous photos. I toss my phone into the space between my bed and the wall, knowing it’s unhealthy to stalk her and mourn my relationship everyday. It’s been a week.

Somehow I’ve managed to drag myself to class everyday. The lessons don’t click in my brain this week, my notebook is empty and my pen is dry. I’m not even sure I have a voice anymore. I haven’t spoken to anyone unless I had to. None of my friends know what happened, I’m too embarrassed to come across as the crazy ex-girlfriend who got her heart broken because she can’t mind her own business.

Aside from class I’ve been lying down rotting for the past seven days, going back and forth on if I’m in the wrong or if I’m valid in my feelings. Garrett was right, my best friend is a guy, but I’ve known him since middle school. We know everything about each other, he’s like family. Garrett threw everything away for a girl he had just met, deleting text messages and completely failing to ever mention her name in conversation.

My body feels like it’s physically reacting, my muscles aching and my head throbbing. My mind races with questions.

How can someone who I poured so much of my love into take it and wring it down the drain?

How can I even feel angry? He just wanted a new friend.

Why did he like all of her pictures, even the first embarrassing one she ever posted in 2013?

Why are you so controlling?

Why didn’t he tell me?

Why do you care so much? It’s just Tristan’s cousin.

Is it bad for my boyfriend to like pictures of a girl in a hot tub?

I hear my phone vibrating, but I can’t even find the energy to move the comforter off of my body. I put a pillow over my ears and try to wish it away. I’m tired of the questions. I don’t want to explain why I’ve seemed down.

It keeps going off, vibrating against the wall over and over relentlessly. Huffing, I shove my hand down into the gap and dig for it, pulling it up and squinting as the screen beams light into my eyes.

“Party tonight at the same house as last week. Y/n please get off your lazy ass and come!!!”

“yeah y/n i need to see ur pretty face!”

“If Garrett gets mad tell him he can come too”

“its senior year pleaseee we don’t have many parties left :(“

My group chat is flooded with messages from my girl friends. I can’t even reply right now. Maybe getting out would be good for me, but I really want to sit in my two day old clothes and stuff my face with Oreos tonight. How dumb am I gonna look dancing alone?

My mind races for the next hour, contemplating whether going out will make me feel better or become a huge regret. Garrett and I never officially broke things off, we just haven’t talked in a week. What if he’s pining over it like I am? I can’t exactly just dance my feelings away with some random guy when I don’t even know the status of my relationship.

After a phone call from Sophie and a lot of convincing, I decide it would be best for me to get out tonight. I need the interaction, and maybe a couple drinks if someone was able to bum them from their college friends. I need to hear music, I need to speak with other humans. But I can’t go alone.

My phone hovers over Chris’s name, worried I might wake him up since it’s already late. I click it anyway, the dial tone only going off twice before I hear his voice on the other side.

“Y/n/n, what’s up!” he chirps.

I smile to myself, my best friend always cheering me up whether he knows it or not. “You know, the usual. Coming up with a blue print for a new and improved Golden Gate Bridge. You?”

“Fuck off,” he stifles his laughter. “I’m watching some show Nick and Matt told me about. For real though, what’s up?”

“Sophie is begging me to go to a party tonight. You down to be my plus one?” I question as I shuffle through my closet.

“Garrett didn’t wanna go?” he asks puzzled.

I take a moment and debate whether or not I want to tell him. I really don’t want to bring down the mood of the night. I’m supposed to be having fun.

“Nah, not tonight. He’s on some boys trip upstate.” I lie through my teeth.

“Sounds lame. I’ll be there, what time?” He asks and I hear rustling, presumably him getting up off the couch or his bed.

“Uhhhh like two hours….” I trail off, nervous it might be too short of notice.

“Alright, I’ll meet you at your house and we can walk together.”

“Perfect! Thank you Chrissy.” I feel tears well up in my eyes, actual happiness igniting, even if only a small spark, for the first time in a week.

“Don’t thank me, weirdo.” He laughs. “See ya dude.” The line goes silent.

I spend the next couple hours taking everything slow. I eat a meal, my first fulfilling one since that night. I wash my face, do my hair, throw on makeup to look and feel more alive. I decide on a maroon slip dress, silky and comfortable. As I’m saying my goodbyes to my parents and about to walk out the door, my phone vibrates in my hand.

“What color are you wearing?”

“Maroon!”

I smile as I text him back, knowing he’s gonna wear something to coordinate our looks. As cringe as it may be, that’s just Chris.

We meet exactly where we planned, the chill in the air causing us to walk shoulder to shoulder for any sort of warmth. We don’t talk much, but the silence is comfortable. We never felt the need to force something out of nothing. Nothing is everything with him.

We walk in and we’re immediately greeted by Sophie and a bunch of other people she’s been hanging around.

“Y/n!” She pulls me into a hug. “Where’s Garrett? Hey Chris!” She waves in his direction.

“Boys trip.” I shrug, going into as little detail as possible.

“Oh, well I’m SO glad you came. You haven’t been yourself the last few days.” She says while giving me a look of genuine concern.

“Class has been super stressful,” I lie. “But I’m so glad I came too!”

Chris smiles as he listens in on our conversation, waving at various people who greet him in passing.

He looks so handsome. He’s wearing a maroon sweater with a button up peeking out from underneath and some jeans that fall perfectly over his long legs. I’ve always been so jealous of his ability to throw anything together and make it an outfit, a good one at that.

“Chrissy I love your outfit,” I whisper in his ear, the music too loud to try to talk from a distance.

“Had to layer, it’s too cold for a ratty tshirt,” he jokes. “But I could say the same to you. You look gorgeous.” He smiles and bumps his shoulder against mine.

The night goes on and we drink, dance, take goofy photos in front of a prop wall, and talk to so many fucking people. I’ve went over my social meter for the night, but Chris looks like he’s having so much fun and I would never say anything to ruin that. He makes his way back over to me after a round of beer pong that he absolutely crushed everyone else at.

“I wanna get one more picture in front of the prop wall and then I think I’m gonna call it a night. Gonna walk to McDonalds if you wanna comeee..” he sing songs, giving me a pleading look.

“Thank fuck,” I laugh, relief washing over me. “I was done an hour ago. Just didn’t wanna take the experience away from you.”

“That’s crazy because I was also done an hour ago, but I thought you were having a good time.” He laughs, his nose scrunching up.

We walk over to the prop wall and find someone to snap a photo for us. I grab a pair of red heart glasses, he grabs a bow tie on a stick and holds it up to his neck.

“3.. 2.. 1… and cheese!” The girl slurs before the flash blinds us.

She tosses me my phone and we thank her before slipping out the door, thankfully going unnoticed by Sophie. We giggle and walk alongside each other on the sidewalk, the smell of dewy late night air flooding my nose. The streetlights carve out Chris’s cheekbones as he looks down at me, rambling about nothing and everything all at once. I listen intently, glad to have my mind on anything other than what it’s been rampant with recently.

“It’s fucking cold,” I complain as I cross my arms across my chest and rub some friction onto them.

“Here.” Chris quickly stops in his tracks and pulls his sweater off, his button up left behind. He tosses it my way and gives me a small smile.

It smells like him as I slip it over my head and bring the sleeves over my hands.

“Thank you.”

We make it to McDonald’s relatively quickly. Chris holds the door open for me and we order our food and find a booth to wait in. My feet ache and my hair just feels tangled.

“What a fucking night. I can’t wait to crash after this,” I sigh and lay my head on the table.

His hand comes down to rub my hair, a sweet gesture he loves to do. His love language has always been physical touch.

“Aww, I was hoping you’d hang out with me a little longer. I’ve got ideas!” He whines.

I look up at him with a raised eyebrow. You never know what this kid is going to come up with in the spur of the moment.

“Just wanted to walk around that nature park down the road. Seems spooooky at night.” He laughs and turns his head, standing up as the cashier calls out our number.

We laugh and eat, my mind completely free of any thoughts besides how much fun I’m having with Chris. Ever since we met in 6th grade art class he’s known how to keep a smile on my face. He’s the kind of person you can’t help but be drawn to. His laugh alone is infectious, filling up any room he’s in. He’s such an attentive friend, which is why I’m not surprised when his mood shifts and he starts to question me.

“So what’s been going on, Y/n/n?” He looks down at his fries and scoots them around.

Do we really need to do this right now? I’m prepared to sink back into my sadness once I’m alone. I don’t plan on telling anyone until I’m sure of where we stand myself.

“Uh, nothing really,” I mumble, taking a sip of my blue Powerade. “Just stressed from assignments and stuff I guess.”

“Not gonna fool me, kid. What’s up?” He looks me in the eye this time.

His blue eyes hold so much genuine concern. They flicker back and forth between my own and he blinks slowly awaiting my response.

“It’s Garrett.” I admit.

“What about him this time?” He huffs as his eyes harden, sitting back against his side of the booth with his arms across his chest.

“He… I don’t know. He crossed a boundary and I wasn’t comfortable with it,” I start, breaking eye contact and pushing my hair behind my ear. “And then he acted like I was out of line. He dropped me off at my house and I haven’t heard from him since.”

His gaze softens and he puts his elbows on the table, scooting closer to me with a knowing look. “I figured it had something to do with that. You know I can read you like a book. So is it over, or…?”

“I don’t know. He didn’t say, and I haven’t even tried to reach out.” I close my box of chicken nuggets as my appetite fizzles away.

“I’m so sorry, Y/n. He fucking sucks.” He leaves it at that and gathers all our trash. “Let’s go.”

We walk to a nearby gas station in silence, the mood heavier this time. I wander around the snack aisle as he makes his purchase. I hear the bell on the door ring and look over as he holds it open and nods his head at me. The black bag swings lazily at his side as we walk to the park.

“What did you get?” I ask as we settle on a bench under a lamp post.

“Cigarettes. Oh and a lighter.” He says casually as he pulls them out of the bag.

“What the fuck,” I laugh, my eyes widening as I realize he’s serious. “Why?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know, just figured we could try something new. You’re stressed and shit so I kinda just thought it would be nice, I don’t know.” He flicks his thumb across the lighter and the yellow flame illuminates his face before he blows it out.

“I mean.. I guess. I’m probably gonna cough super bad.” I laugh and straighten my legs in front of me, crossing my ankles.

“Eh, fuck it. I probably will too.” He laughs and rips the pack open.

He brings a cigarette between his lips and holds it there, cupping a hand around it to block the wind. His other hand comes up with the lighter and sparks it a couple times before he gets it to light. He holds the flame against the end and draws in a breath, the tip glowing red as it catches fire. He immediately pulls it away from his mouth and coughs loudly, standing up and holding his chest.

“What… the FUCK.” He says between heaving coughs, small puffs of smoke escaping his mouth each time.

I can’t help but laugh, throwing my hands over my mouth and taking in the sight in front of me. He shakes his head back and forth with his eyes closed, his brown waves flopping around. He extends his arm to me and squats down trying to take control over his breath again.

“Good fuckin’ luck.” He coughs out.

I lean forward and grab it between my fingers, his warm ones brushing mine in the process. He looks up and smiles before shaking his head in disgust again.

“So fucking dizzy.” He says as he sits down fully on the asphalt.

“Baby’s first nicotine buzz!” I joke, stopping my laughter quickly as he squints his eyes at me.

I bring the cigarette between my lips and drag on it, my lungs immediately filling with thick, rancid smelling smoke. I cough one big time and try to hold it in, puffing my cheeks out and attempting to hold my breath. My chest starts burning and my eyes are watering, and my body instinctively coughs over and over to try to clear my airway. I see Chris laughing through my blurry vision, smacking his knees and stomping a foot on the ground.

“Oh… my.. god.” I choke out, my head spinning and my fingers erupting with a static feeling.

“Yeah, shit’s no joke. How do people enjoy this?” He stands up and drags himself back over to the bench, reclaiming his spot beside me and grabbing the cigarette from me.

I cough on and off, still trying to rid my lungs of the contaminants. I throw my head back and my hair dangles off the backrest of the bench. Chris’s hand finds its way to me and strokes my hair softly and slowly. I bring my head back up and look at him, shaking my head with disappointment.

“Can’t believe you would do that to me.” I tease through a stifled smile.

“Just wanted to see what it was like..” he giggles and brings it back to his lips, the end glowing again as he takes a smaller puff.

He coughs once or twice as the smoke billows out of his mouth and dissipates into the foggy air around us. He looks at me with wide eyes. “Hey, that one wasn’t so bad!” He holds it back out to me, gesturing me to try again.

“Uhh.. I think I’m good. My lungs feel like they’re collapsing.” I push his hand back.

“You should try one more time..” he looks away in thought before snapping his head back. “What if we shotgun? I’ll take the brunt of the smoke and you can have whatever’s leftover. It’ll be less harsh that way.”

I’m sorry, but shotgunning a cigarette? First of all, that’s nasty. Does not sound appealing in the slightest. Secondly, I can’t fathom bringing my lips that close to Chris.

“Uhhh..” I trail off and shake my head slightly.

“Come onnnn Y/n/n!” He pouts, scooting closer to me on the bench. “I’m not gonna peer pressure you into it if you really don’t want to..” he says seriously.

“Fine. ONE more time.” I say and narrow my eyes at him.

He nods furiously and scoots even closer, our thighs touching and his cologne strong in the breeze. I can see every detail of his face under the light of the lamp post. His bushy but clean brows, his smile lines, his pink lips wet from obsessively licking them. His hair falls over his eyes as he brings the cigarette back into his mouth and takes a big drag. His eyes widen and he grabs my face in a rush, his warm hand against my cold cheek.

He pulls me close and our noses brush against each other. Time feels like it slows down to a crawl. I open my mouth and he does the same, our lips micrometers apart. His hot breath mixed with the smoke fan over my face as his eyes close, his long eyelashes fanning across his cheeks. I can feel heat in my cheeks that I’ve never felt around him.

He exhales as I inhale, the smoke that was once in his lungs filling my own. I take all that I can and he stays for what feels like a moment too long, his icy blue eyes opening to lock onto mine. I feel a weird pit in my stomach and the blood stills in my veins. Why am I feeling like this?

He pulls back and scans over my face, watching as I exhale and a comically small puff of smoke blows out.

“Well, that was lame.” He laughs and brushes his hair back.

“Yeah, little bit.” I agree flatly.

We sit in silence and finish the cigarette together, our lungs adjusting and my mind racing. I try to take my mind off the feeling of his thigh still brushing against mine, but the nicotine doesn’t have any effect at all. I thought these things are supposed to relieve stress.

Once we’ve burnt it to the end, he rubs the bud against the asphalt and flicks it away. It rolls until it hits the curb and we both sigh at the same time. We look at eachother and laugh at our ‘jinx’ moment, not knowing just how different we were feeling internally but thankful that we feel no pressure to be perfect when we were together.

“I’m so thankful to have a friend like you, Chrissy.” I smile and blow some warm air into my frozen hands.

He smiles lazily at me for a second, an almost sad look flashing across his eyes as his hand comes to lay on top of mine and stroke the back of it with his thumb. “Don’t know what I’d do without ya.”

•••

The morning sun comes out from hiding, her rays illuminating his brown hair on his pillow beside me. I watch his chest rising and falling steadily, a calming rhythm that could lull me back to sleep any day. Nothing makes me happier than waking up and feeling warmth on his side of the bed. I feel whole in his presence.

I look around at our bedroom and realize just how far we’ve come. We’ve both left the comfort of our parents homes and have made these four walls our own. Piece by piece we made a sanctuary like a bird collecting sticks and paper straw wrappers for its nest. I could go anywhere with him and build a nest. He makes everything okay.

I take my phone off the charger and scroll around aimlessly, hoping not to disturb his sleep, his pink lips hanging open and his eyes moving under his lids. I go through instagram and flip through recipes, gym videos, and dog compilations before I’m bored and close it out. I try Facebook and my distant older relatives have flooded my timeline with political garbage, so I close it out too. I open Snapchat and see a memory, smiling as I start to click through the photos and videos taken on this day from the previous years.

The first video plays, a snippet from last year of us in his car, lip syncing to one of our favorite songs. The next one is from the same night, a photo of him with his arm around me in front of the door to our then-new apartment. His eyes shimmered with happiness, mine mirroring his own with a huge smile plastered on my face.

I click again and watch as our past plays out on the screen in front of me. I can’t help but feel so thankful for the way everything worked out. So much would be different if the world hadn’t knitted us in the exact pattern it planned, one frayed thread and I wouldn’t be sitting in this room with the love of my life.

Click

My smile fades as I scan over the photo. I reminisce on the night, remembering everything as if it were a movie playing in my brain. They used to be some of the best times of my life. He made me so happy.

It’s strange how well you can know the inner workings of someone, sometimes more than your own. You know the temperature they like to drink their water, their favorite salad dressing, the commercials that make them cry. And you sit together and watch the commercials from time to time, because you know the end makes them smile again.

It’s strange how quickly it can all fizzle out, both of you existing in the world without a clue of who the person could be today. Here one minute and gone the next. I know he’s out there. He knows I’m out here. But who is he?

How different would my life had been if I did end up with him? Would I have had the same opportunities, the same zeal for life, would I be happier? Would it be my single biggest regret?

I wonder if he thinks about me and everything we went through together. I wonder if he remembers the angsty songs we played in his car late at night, or the scent of the air freshener I always bought for him when he ran out. Does he wonder what his life would be like with me, or has he moved on and found his own paper straw wrappers?

I know he was in love with me. I knew I loved him. But sometimes things are star-crossed and confusing and they hurt and there’s nothing we can do about it. Sometimes the right people come into your life at the wrong time. Do we pine about it forever, or do we let the world continue knitting while hoping the strings don’t fray?

I look over the photo once more, our shadows on the ground innocent and unaware of the future.

I look over and the boy beside me stretches his arms above him and takes in a deep breath before turning over to me, his brown waves a mess. He smiles from ear to ear and I can’t help but return it.

“Morning, baby.”

“Good morning, Garrett.”

a/n: i sobbed many times writing this im sorry if you like happy endings

taglist: @lustfulslxt @whotfisade @soursturniolo @recklesssturniolo @lxvlysworld @chrisolivia4l @kiarastromboli @mattnchrisworld @cupidsword @kvtie444 @xplrfear @knowingnothingnoel

[intotitties]

For a hazel Callahan x reader could you do it about how both of them are in a relationship but they secretly have feelings for each other. Like if they hooked up and then it’s really awkward between them even though those feelings they have are still there and there relationships end up imploding because the people they are dating find out. If it’s not too much trouble.

i love this!!

Hazel Callahan x reader

warnings: kinda angst??, cheating, Hazel and PJ are in relationship at the beginning, 18+ themes (no smut), cursing, childhood friends hazel and reader, no use of y/n

a/n: my first Hazel fanfic i hope that’s what you were asking for!! im open to any requests btw!! enjoy :) also english is not my first language, if you spot any mistakes tell me please.

-ˋˏ ༻❀༺ ˎˊ-

-ˋˏ ༻❀༺ ˎˊ-

Hazel and you have been best friends since you were kids, but things have changed after you realized that you had feelings for her.

Once when you two got a little bit drunk she confessed that she likes you - and that’s how you ended up in a bed with her. The only thing was that you both were in relationships. You felt so bad about cheating on your girlfriend, but you could feel your feelings for Hazel deepen with every day you spent with her, so you tried to avoid her, no matter how much it hurts.

Now, you were at mr. G’s class, sitting on your table and talking with your girlfriend about new project ideas, when mad PJ rushed through the class and started yelling at you.

— You filthy bitch! - she shouted as she pulled your hair, making you fall off of the table.

— Hey, what the fuck PJ?! - your girlfriend said and pushed her back.

Then panicked Hazel ran in to the class.

— She fucked with Hazel!

Your eyes widen at the words. How did she know? All eyes were on you now.

— No.. you wouldn’t cheat on me, right honey? - your girlfriend said confidently, but you didn’t respond — Answer me!! - she shouted.

You couldn’t look her in the eyes.

— You two disgust me - said PJ as she walked out of the classroom.

— P-please listen.. - your eyes got teary as you saw your angry girlfriend trying not to hit you.

— No. Don’t let me ever see you again - she said and walked out of the classroom as well.

You looked up at Hazel, her face said it all. It was her who told PJ. Why would she do that? Was it an accident? Or was it on purpose?

She was saying something but you didn’t listen. You took your bag and ran to the school exit. Of course, she immediately tried to catch you and explain herself, but you were faster.

And that’s how you spent almost a month away from everyone. The only people who had contact with you, were girls from the fight club, who knew about all of this. Hazel tried to call and text you everyday, but you blocked her.

-ˋˏ ༻❀༺ ˎˊ-

After a month, with hope that most people has forgotten about what happened, you went to school.

The day has passed without any problems, since you haven’t seen PJ or your ex-girlfriend, you saw Hazel tho, trying to talk to you, but every break you were hidding in the bathroom.

When you walked out of the class to your locker, it was around 7pm and it seemed like you were the only student in the corridor.

Surprisingly there weren’t any slurs on your locker anymore, and it looked like it was new! But when you opened it, a pile of letters fell on the floor.

— What the fuck… - you mumbled to yourself and packed most of them to your bag after leaving books in the locker.

-ˋˏ ༻❀༺ ˎˊ-

As soon as you got home you started reading them, but god, you weren’t ready for that.

All of them were from Hazel. Every day you weren’t in school, she was leaving you letters about how much she misses you and she wish things were different.

Then you heard knocking on your door.

You stood up and wiped the tears from your eyes. As soon as you opened the doors you felt someone trapping you in a tight hug.

Hazel.

Your heart dropped.

— I hope you won’t hate me more after this, but i can’t live like this - she said and pulled you for a soft, yet deep kiss.

You gave her a shocked look, but you just couldn’t resist her.

After she pulled back she looked in your eyes. You could see how much you matter to her, yet you still ghosted her.

She pushed the doors to close and kissed you again, more passionately this time. You wrapped your arms around her neck while playing with her hair with one hand.

A quiet breathless “Haze..” left you mouth after she put her hand under your shirt.

— O-oh i’m sorry.. - she pulled away - look. i’m so sorry for ruining everything.. but i can’t stop thinking about you.. i still like you, but if your feelings had changed, i’ll leave - she said after a while of awkward silence.

— If my feelings changed, would i be kissing you right now? - you laughed quietly. Deep inside, you were still mad a little bit at her but how could you be mad at her? You were the cheater.

She smirked slightly and started leading you to your room.

Your heart skipped a beat after she pushed you on your bed and got on top of you. She kissed you again, but this time it was more.. lustful. Her tongue exploring your mouth like there was no tomorrow, both of your breaths getting heavier with every second the kiss lasted.

— Are you sure you want this? - she whispered.

— Yes, Haze.. fuck.. - you brushed the hair off of her face and kissed her again while her hands were already under you shirt.

You didn’t even know, how much this moment meant for her.

You didn’t even know how much she loves you.

[em1e]

⠀ ⠀ココノイ // ON AGAIN OFF AGAIN ⠀ ༝ ༝ hajime kokonoi ⠀ ༝ ༝ 733 words ⠀ ⚠︎ unhealthy relationships ⠀ — you want to burrow yourself under his skin and make home in his bones but he won’t fucking let you.

“i just don’t understand you.” kokonoi’s muttering to himself doesn’t go unnoticed, despite your efforts to ignore him. 

you’d ‘broken up’ two months ago, but the text you’d sent him a few hours ago led you here - him sitting in your apartment with his arms crossed over his chest while he tries to ration some sort of agreement. 

“we just don’t work together, koko, there’s nothing to understand.” 

“but that’s because we aren’t trying hard enough.” 

the way he says it is accusatory. leaves you feeling so much hotter under his burning stare and has you clenching your jaw, damned at the thought that you didn’t try enough. like you didn’t fight tooth and nail day after day trying to get him to talk about his past, to get him to talk about himself in a way that wasn’t just the superficial bullshit you tell everyone eventually. you want to actually know him, to burrow yourself under his skin and make home in his bones but he won’t fucking let you. 

and that infuriates you beyond belief. 

because you have bared yourself to him, shown him every bit of your soul you could, given every part of you available for the taking, and none of it is enough weight for him to open up. more, more, more, he demands, to the point of there being nothing left to give and still he craves it. 

and still you come back. 

after telling him time and time again why things won't work, what things he needs to do to fix the relationship and after he leaves it all untouched, you come back. some would say it’s love. others would call you a fool. the way he monologues to himself makes you feel like the latter. 

“then fix yourself.” you snap suddenly, standing. your own home feels claustrophobic, like the walls could cave in at any second and take you down with them. maybe you’d let them, if they did, if it meant you could have one second to think without having the weight of kokonoi’s stare on you constantly. 

“i’m not the only problem here.” he says evenly, eyes following you as you go into your kitchen for water and a breather. he’s too calm, always has been, and you’d give anything for a semblance of a reaction from him.

you’re silent when you hear shuffling in the living room, soon seeing him follow you into your tiny kitchen. you drink from your cup to avoid speaking, and he eyes you with that same even stare. calculatedly. 

“we both have things to work on,” he leans against the counter, arms crossing over his chest, “and i am willing to try again if you let me.”

you want to. god, do you want to. want to throw the last two months of recovery down the drain and put yourself at home in his arms, but you can’t. you can’t go back to being miserable everyday knowing the last two times you split, he said the same thing. 

“we aren’t good for each other, koko,” you whisper, setting the cup down and crossing your own arms over your chest for comfort, “you say that everytime and nothing changes.” 

“but i will this time,” he assures, stepping forward and placing his hands on your shoulders. you lean into him, letting your head fall into his shoulder when he pulls you to him, but don’t uncross your arms to embrace him, “we can figure this out together.” 

your friends' warnings play in your mind. reminders to stay away from him for good this time, that the way he treats you is unfair and the fact that you’ve had long winded discussions about the many issues to him raised too many red flags to count, but they all dissipate when he wraps his arms around you. 

you breath him in and finally relax in his touch, sighing softly. 

“you promise?” you whisper, voice muffled by him surrounding you. 

“promise.” he leans back just far enough to let you see him poke his tongue out, smiling when he sees it makes you feel a little better. 

and part of you knows it’s all fake. that by next month, you’ll be rediscussing all the things you’ve brought up now, but you can’t find it in yourself to care. not when he feels safe holding you, not when he smells like home. 

[moowify]

Had to remind you, I'm always by your side | Oneshot fanfic Luka Couffaine x Fem!Reader

DISCLAIMER!

This pure fan fiction by Moowify, If there are similarities in the stories, it is due to coincidence. Because this fan fic is true from the author's mind. If there is incorrect grammar and ambiguous sentences, I apologize for your discomfort reading it because English is not the author's second language. Happy reading.

Content warning : Jealousy (reader jelaous of Marinette), Possessive (Luka becoming possessive), Almost akumatize (reader), Slow-burn, Friendzone, Romantic compliment, Pet names, Friend to lover trophy 🏆

You have been friends with Juleka for a long time, so you often meet her twin brother Luka. You and Luka also hang out together for years, hearing him playing his guitar is also one of your routines everyday. He sometimes sent you voice messages about him playing his guitar or sings melody for you, he called you sweetheart sometimes and it did give you butterfly feeling. For that time you've love him ever since you first met him. But when Marinette shows up, everything changed. He never reach out for your attention and never sent you voice messages, you feel sad and lonely because of that.

"Juleka, where's your twin brother?" Juleka just shrugs her shoulder and have no idea about it "Maybe he's going out with Marinette somewhere" Again, all he did is hang out with Marinette more often. You feel your heart is burning inside and pounding faster, you are jealous of Marinette and it's obvious. Once you text him about hang out together and he refused becase he wanted to hang out with Marinette.

Few days later, you got text from him said that he finally dating Marinette and he's so excited about it but you feel everything around you is crack. You feel your heart aching and makes you want to cry immediately because of how sad you feel now, of course you responded his text with your congratulations to him. After that, you threw your phone somewhere then you start sobbing.

Hawk moth feel your emotions then he's set his butterfly ready to akumatize you, "ah! heart broken poor girl. This is perfect time to akumatize you ha ha ha, this phase makes you would do anything to get your heart stop hurting including force him to love you. Fly away, my little akuma. And evilize her!".

The akuma try to evilize you "Hi Lovebird, I'm Hawk Moth. Do you want your friend to accept your feeling and love you the way you do. Do you?" This time you know you have to resist it, but his offer sounds very interesting. "Yes" you replied, "Then I giving you the power so that you can destroy any relationship including his relationship. You can also force him to love you, in return you have to take Ladybug and Cat noir miraculous to me would you?" You want to reply his offer again but something in your mind pop out, you don't want to destroy his relationship he was happy with. You could move on and you just need time for it, if you did to his relationship he never forgive you and it would makes you even more miserable. "No, I won't destroy them!" You refused his offer and his akuma back to him, failed to evilize you.

You need some time for move on, and you did move on little by little. Never texting him again, and never shows up to him again. You also never come to his concerts again, you just need time for yourself and have to avoid him for a while. What you did this time is right? What if you did this time is wrong and makes you more miserable than before, but you knew better that you happier than before.

Before you knew, the other side taking it different. He's upset about your suddenly behavior, you're changed and it's make him confused. Apparently he notices few changes of you until the time you never shows up to his concerts again, it's strange for him. He tried to text you or call you but you hardly responded. Your response seems dry than usual.

"Okay, what's going on with you sweetheart? If you have problem, you can tell me. Just why all of sudden your behavior changed" Luka confront you in your bedroom, he's came to your house without notices. "I'm.. not" Luka annoyed at your act "You're not what? Is something wrong with me that made you changed all of sudden" He try to grab your wrists "Please, what's happen? Why you're not accepting my calls, why you're not coming to my concerts again".

You can't tell him that you're jealous of him dating other girl, you can't tell him that you're in love with him for years, you can't tell him that you always admiring him, you can't tell him that you're move on "I don't feel good that time, just coincidence" then he start laughing "haha... what? Is that a joke or not, why your excuse is not makes any sense" he pinch your cheeks "ow" you groan, you know that he's dating Marinette now.

"Tell me, but if you want some time for it. I won't force you my sweetheart" he makes you fall into his arms and strokes your head, you got flutter again by him and at the same time he made you to feel comfortable with him. "I-uh, Luka... Don't do this" You push him slowly, he confused at your reaction and he move away from you. Giving your space that you might needed for this time. "Okay, I'm sorry" he became quiet and start humming a tunes for how awkward the situation is until your phone start ringing.

Another boy's name pop out on your screen, you immediately answer the call but Luka become quiet and listening to you. He come closer to you and your back is facing him, he rest his head on your shoulder so he can hear clearly what another person say. Then another person did make lame jokes but you respond it with laughter but not with Luka, he's not happy with the sight of you laughing. Is not about you shouldn't laugh or smile, is about who made you smile or laugh like this. He wanted you back to him.

He suddenly cut off you and another boy "Sorry, I need to talk to her" and stop the call, you try to complain but he shush you before you do "I'm sorry I don't mean to, but seeing you smile because another boy. It's make my heart aching, can you hear my heart beat? It's beat fast for you" He hugs you tight from behind because of that your back can feel the beat of his heart. You speechless.

"Why, do you still dating Marinette do you?" I try to reject his hug but he seems never let go, and become more tight. "Just break up" he replied and lay his head on your shoulder. Your heart beat pounding, and you feel your lungs need more air to breath. "Tell me why you suddenly changed" he ask.

You took a deep breath, finally facing him face to face and he seems sad about it. His eyes reflect of the sadness. "Is it obvious, I loved you before and you never get the hint. Instead you interested on Marinette that I never get the chance again until you said you date Marinette. I feel my world suddenly stop and almost get akumatize because of it, but now I try to move on from you but you.. You suddenly appear to me and finally you noticed me" His face look suprise "You loved me?" You rolled your eyes "Of course I love you until now, I still can't move on from you".

He hugs you again "Listen to my heart beat, it's getting faster" He put your head close to his chest so you can hear clearly the pounding sounds. "I love you too, I'm sorry I made mistake by ignoring your hints and date another girl. I once feel insecure about my feeling to you, I'm so scared if you will leave me after I confess my feeling to you. After seeing you became more distance and you laughing because another boy made lame jokes, it's hurt my feeling. You're amazing girl that should've treasure. I regretting my actions 'cause you leave me. I hope I can make up for it. Can you forgive me sweetheart?".

You try to swallow your saliva, but it's hard to swallow and your words hanging in your throat. "I- Think I can forgive you.." You said and made him excited about it. "Thank you" He shyly respond but "Can I kiss you?" You nodded and Luka kiss your lips gently.

[m0ssybricks]

Proposal and Promises

Word Count: 1838

Life could not have become better for Corey Cunnigham. He had finally left the town that caused him so much suffering. Your relationship has been incredibly healing to him and yourself.

The two of you have been a couple for over three years by now and both of you are so happy together. Growing together, exploring each other emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Being able to show each other the love you both deserve. Showering with all sorts of affection. Everyday you both grew closer together.

Lately Corey has been acting somewhat jittery, not completely anxious or excited but more in an anticipatory manner. You chalked it up to problems at work and took a mental note to talk to him about it.

During your lunch break at work your usual scrolling through your phone while eating lunch (today was a strawberry salad and a chocolate milk you stole from Corey) was interrupted by the notification of Corey texting you

sweet boy <3 : Hi love, are you having a good day? Did Jessi steal your lunch again ? I wanted to ask if we could go out tonight to this nice restaurant I've been wanting to try out. It recently opened and looks good.

sweet boy <3 : We could give it a try. I looked at the menu and everything looked good. I'm thinking we could walk around the city after.

You smiled at the sweet message your boy sent you

Me: absolutely that sounds wonderful love. I get out around 4 so schedule reservations about 6 ?

sweet boy <3 : Sounds perfect love, i miss you

Me: Miss you too baby see you tonight

The day seemed to move at a snail's pace as you kept anxiously looking at the clock waiting until you finished your shift so you could just go home and be with your sweet boyfriend. As soon as the wooden electronic clock on your desk flashed 4:00 p.m. you bolted out, nearly knocking a Dollar Tree pen cup over. Swiftly grabbing the black coat from your door hook and locking your office door.

“Why are you in such a rush today? '' Your coworker Jessie asked, her voice was rich with suspicion and humor.

“Going out with Corey at 6!” You called out.

Driving through Chicago's rush hour traffic has never been easy but today it seemed crappier. Despite staying in a stalemate for over half an hour the traffic wouldn't even budge so the first

place for half an hour. 4:56 . Checking the time won't make it go faster. You kept reminding yourself. The second traffic started moving, you exited and took the streets praying for a lack of red lights. The universe worked in your favor and you made it to yours and Corey’s shared apartment. The soft glow of the string light on your balcony shone bright as the sun came down and the sky turned into an orange hue.

Rapidly you climbed up the iron stairs to enter the apartment via the balcony because you needed a quicker way in aka avoiding conversations with neighbors. Finally, after making it up three flights of stairs, you unlock the sliding glass door, careful not to knock over the several plants and Corey’s red bicycle.

When you got inside Corey was in the kitchen, his work clothes still on

“Hey” he said pressing a kiss on your cheek

“Hi hon”

“I just got here a second ago traffic is horrible”

“I know right! I had to take the streets which weren't too bad but the freeway was horrendous!”

“Okay I've got to shower, I smell awful, we were out on a construction site all day” Smiling at Corey's comment you were overwhelmed with a sense of pride in your boyfriend. He had finally become a civil engineer and was in a job he loved.

“Alright baby go do that I'm showering too I smell awful”

He planted a small, chaste kiss on your head and went into one bathroom while you went into the other

While Corey and you were showering the both of you kept anticipating the evening and what you would wear. Corey knew that he would be loved even if he was wearing a potato sack but he wanted to look extra nice today. He felt very indecisive on what to wear- a problem he normally did not face but tonight felt stressed in doing so.

“Hey” a voice interrupted his thoughts. His sweet partner

“Do you need help picking something out?”

Their voice was so soft and caring Corey felt tears almost well into his eyes.

“Uhm yeah I actually do.”

“How about your brown coat, white button up, black slacks, and the navy tie.

He nodded and swallowed thickly. His lover pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“I'm going to get dressed okay?” You said

A few minutes passed and you both trotted to the living room revealing your outfits to each other.

“Shit you look beautiful…” Corey mustered out looking very flustered. Some things never change. He was flustered when he first met you and you will always make him soft.

“You look perfect.” That's all you could get out. He looked handsome, radiant, beautiful. Perfect.

Corey broke the silence. “Hey we should get going, we don't want to be late.”

Huffing out a laugh you replied “Yeah lets get going baby.” The entire car trip Corey had one hand on your left thigh, your hand over his. By the time the two of you arrived it was 6:03 and were immediately seated. The restaurant was beautiful, it looked like it came straight out of a European resort. The walls were beige and had a gold trim, the floor was checkered pattern, and the tables had ivory table cloths and maroon chairs. For the rest of the time at the restaurant the both of you talked about the smallest things, Mr. Logan's new cats making a home on your balcony, old memories, shared funny stories from your day, caught up on work disscusions, the sci fi movie you watched last night, and an upcoming vacation to Canada. The entire time Corey was smiling bigger than he had before. Whenever he smiled his hazel eyes would crinkle.

“Alright that was one of the greatest meals I have ever had” Corey told you as he finished up his food.

“Absolutely we have to go again, everything about this night is so perfect.”

At that comment Corey sweetly and nervously smiled and fiddled with the ring box in his pocket. The two of you have had several discussions about spending your lives together, how you two would work out together, your values and beliefs, what your experiences with families are, etc. But Corey is quite timid and passive and you never thought that you two would actually get married.

The waiter came to place the bill at your table as soon as she placed it down, in typical Corey fashion he rapidly pulled out his wallet.

“Hey I’ll pay! You invited me out!”

“Of course I did you are the best partner, now let me pay so we could get out and walk around before it gets too late”

“Core that's so sweet but-”

Your speech was interpreted by Corey handing his card to the waitress and tossing you a little mint that came with the check. He gave you a toothy grin opening his mouth which revealed the small, green candy.

“I'm covering tips.”

“Okay that will be our deal from now. I pay you cover tip”

“Deal”

As the two of you were packing up you couldn't help but notice Coreys fingers jittering -something he does when he is nervous but you were confused as to why that is.

“Now come on, let's go.”

Chicago nights were beautiful. The city lights and moonlight reflected upon the Chicago River and the night life was somewhat minimal. A street musician playing jazz could be heard in the distance. The two of you lovers walked hand in hand chit chatting softly about how nice the night was and how much you both love each other. All of a sudden Corey stopped walking, letting go of your hand.

“What's the matter babe?”

“ I want to tell you something.” Corey replied, anxiety wavered his voice. He grabbed your hands, you felt his slightly calloused palms rub against your own. You saw tears well up in his eyes

“I have never, ever been happier with a person and in life than right now and every moment I am with you. You saved me. I never thought I would be alive today but when you came into my life I made the choice to live. I felt like a monster, an outcast ever since the accident. I got used to the feeling of being unloved until you came into my life.”

At this point tears were freely falling down his face.

“Honey, you are so incredibly beautiful. I remember our first meeting at the gas station. How you helped defend me, comfort me at the clinic and it wasn't a one time thing. You have always been so caring with me and everyone you encounter. You have a zest for life and are beautiful inside and out. We have grown so much together in all ways: emotionally, intellectually, and socially. I never envisioned leaving that town and going to college, becoming an engineer, making an apartment our home, loving someone, and being at peace. I feel so happy and safe with you and all I want to do is to make sure you feel the same way. I wanna live my life with you. Kiss you, sit on the balcony watching the sunset, read comics, share chocolate milk, vacation with you, cuddle and watch movies every Friday. These past three years have been the highlight of my life.” His voice wavered from the tears.

“Angel, I always tell you are that you are the best person everyday and the reason for that is because you are my person.”

By now you were crying, allowing the tears to fall freely since both hands were holding your boyfriends’.

Corey got down on one knee, pulling a ring box out which revealed a gold band with a small diamond. Your heart just about exploded out of excitement and admiration.

“Would you marry me?” Corey asked, passion dripping from his voice. The world fell quiet.

“Yes” you answered quietly, still in shock.

“Yes?”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes” nodding rapidly

Corey placed the ring on your finger and bolted up to hug you. Tears spilled on each other's jackets-but nobody cared, you two were going to spend the rest of your lives together and that is the only thing that mattered at that moment.

Later that night when you two were in bed, legs and arms tangled. Corey was running his fingers on the small of you back. He looked at you, his hazel eyes illuminated by the blurred glow of the string lights hung on your window, filled with love.

“Thank you.” Those two words came out as a breathy whisper.

“For what?”

“For being you, for accepting my proposal, for everything. You are the most beautiful, intelligent, kindest person I have ever met and I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with you.”

[love2write2626]

Our Love in a Rogue Nation

Story Description: 

Ethan Hunt, the best agent IMF has to offer. Ashley Dunn, sister of Benji Dunn is the best field agent consultant IMF has to offer. Ethan Hunt and Ashley Dunn have been together for a while and are very much in love. How will the events of Rogue Nation impact their relationship?

Yes, I chose the character name Ashley... I feel like that name doesn’t get used enough in fanfiction. If you don’t like it you can imagine another name.

Part 2 Part 3

Ashley’s P.O.V

Working for IMF is a lot of fucking work. I am not a field agent, so I don’t put my life on the line everyday but being in the control room puts a lot of stress on the body… it also doesn’t help that my boyfriend is The Best field Agent that IMF has, always putting his life on the line to do what needs to be done. Is it heroic? Yes. Some of the stuff he does, comes close to giving me heart attacks every fucking time.

I’m staring at the monitors watching the current mission that Ethan’s team is on, and it looks like we might have a serious problem. I am listening as William tries to stay calm while he speaks with my brother Benji.

“Benji, Where is Ethan?” William asked my brother, that’s a very good question I haven’t heard from him all day.

“Brandt, I’m kind of in the middle of something”

“Benji, you know the package is still on the plane, right?”

“Yes, I am well aware of that Brandt. We are working on Plan B…actually Plan C”

“Benji, where is Ethan?”

“I don’t know, we are on radio silent at the moment” I looked down at my phone, looked back at William to make sure he was busy, and decided to text Ethan… technically I’m not supposed to have my phone in the control room.

Ethan, babe. Don’t mean to nag… but we could really use your assistance right now. I quickly shoved my phone back into my pocket

“Benji, the plane cannot leave with the package on board”

“We’re working on it” I heard Luther’s voice through the speaker

“Luther? What the hell are you doing there? You’re supposed to be on assignment in Malaysia” William said

“I am in Malaysia… Benji needed my help”

“I don’t need help, I need assistance its totally different” Benji responded

“It’s the same thing Benji” I finally spoke, everyone in the control room looked at me, including William

“Is that Ashley? Tell my nosy sister to do her own job and don’t worry about me” I rolled my eyes, then my phone pinged

I’m close

That was all the message said. I looked up to tell William but decided against it. Clearly there was a reason he was still radio silent.

“Guys, the package is still on the plane” William said

“Yes, we know! We are trying to cripple it remotely”

“You can do that?”

“Yes, if the pilot has left the satellite uplink switched on” Luther said

“Which he has”

“Great! How do you do that?”

“It involves hacking a Russian satellite”

“Guys, I cant authorize that”

“That’s why we didn’t ask” Luther responded again. I looked at the monitor in front of me and sighed

“William? There is a heat signatures showing up here” he walked over and looked at what I was seeing

“Shit, the engines are starting”

“Yes, I can see that, but I can’t do anything till Luther has me connected to the satellite”

“Ok, Benji you are connected”

“Great” I listened to them as they argued on different ways to stop the plane from taking off. All of them not coming up with anything that would work.

“Fuck!” William said angrily “Benji…”

“YES WE KNOW THE PACKAGE IS ON THE BLOODY PLANE!” he yelled completely stressed and annoyed.

“Benji, can you open the door?” I sighed in relief when I heard Ethan’s voice

“Ethan?” William asked “Where are you?”

“I’m by the plane, Benji can you open the door?”

“Maybe?” he said hesitantly “Why?” he asked confused

“I’m going to try to get in” he said “Can you open the door?”

“I think so”

“Benji, you better be sure before Ethan risks his life again” I said suddenly, I didn’t mean to say that out loud. IMF has a zero tolerance for romance in the office… so needless to say we have to be very careful.

“Yes, I know… yes it seems possible for me to open the door”

“Ok, Benji open that door as soon as I tell you” I’m extremely nervous because I am 99.9% sure I know what Ethan is about to do… but I’m really hoping I am wrong because this is extremely stupid. “I’M ON THE PLANE” Ethan yelled

“How did you get in the plane?” Benji asked confused

“I’M NOT IN THE PLANE… I’M ON THE PLANE” he yelled because of the sound of the aircraft. “OPEN THE DOOR” Through Benji’s camara we could see what he was seeing, and I gasped when I saw that Ethan certainly wasn’t lying he is ON the plane, clinging on for dear life

“Ok, I’m working on it” Benji said

“BENJI, OPEN THE DOOR” Ethan yelled again, I am currently holding my breath, hands locked together, I have never been so scared in my life, and Ethan has managed to scare me a few times.

“Benji Open the door right now!” William said

“Benji open the door!” Luther piped in

“I’m trying! C’mon, C’mon” he said “Yes I got it!” we could see on the monitor he had opened the back door I groaned

“BENJI YOU OPENED THE WRONG DOOR, YOU FUCKING IDIOT” I said, I looked back at William, and sighed

“I’m sorry sir, it’s just you know how I get in tense situations” William may be my friend but in the office is till have to call him sir. He just nodded his head and went back to looking at the monitor

“Ok, I got it! I’m opening the side door! How’s that?” he asked, we didn’t hear anything. Assuming he opened the correct door, because we hadn’t heard anything else from Ethan again we were in radio silence.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We sat in the control room, so silent you could hear a pin drop everyone anxiously waiting… hoping that The mission was a success. Except me I was hoping that the love of my life was ok… so I could be the one to kill him for being so stupid.

After continuously staring at the monitor hoping to get some secure message, or hoping the phone will ring… anything from Ethan I finally decided enough was enough, I needed to get out of there. I need to get some air, I stood up quickly and pushed past William and went outside, to sit by the river. I pulled out my phone and started looking at some photos of Ethan and I together. It makes me happy, I never knew I could love someone so much… and they would return the same feelings.

“Are you ok?” I jumped when I heard William’s voice

“Yeah, sorry just a little bit stressed” I said with a smile

“It’s ok to be worried, he is your boyfriend”

“Yeah I mean… wait what?” I asked

“Benji told me” I sighed

“Of course my big mouth brother would tell you”

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to report the relationship. I’ve known you guys have had feelings for each other for a long time”

“He makes me so happy” I said with a smile

“If it’s any comfort, I’m sure he is ok”

“I know he’s ok… he’s Ethan” I said laughing a little, we sat in silence for a moment when William’s phone rang.

“Brandt” he said when he answered it “Ok, sir thank you very much”

“Who was that?” I asked

“The mission was successful, Ethan is ok. He is on the phone waiting to be debriefed” he stood up “Would you like to be in the office when I talk to him?”

“I thought I wasn’t allowed to listen to that” he smiled

“I just won’t put the speaker on”

“Then what’s the point of me being in there if I can’t hear anything?” I asked confused

“Because maybe during the phone call… I just might have to use the bathroom. So I won’t know if you were to I don’t know talk to him while I’m gone” I smiled

“Lets go” I said excited

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

William didn’t tell Ethan I was in the room, I listened as William asked all the usually debriefing questions. Then after about 10 minutes he said

“Ethan can you excuse me for one moment?” he hit the hold button, and walked out of the room. Once the door was closed, I ran over to his chair and took the phone off of hold

“Brandt?” he asked

“It’s me baby” I said

“Ashley?” he asked, and I could hear a sigh of relief “Are you doing the rest of my debriefing?” he asked in a joking voice

“No, William is letting me talk to you for a few minutes… he knows about us by the way” I said

“How?” he asked confused

“I’ll give you one guess” he sighed

“Benji” he replied

“He promised he won’t say anything”

“I know William won’t” Ethan said  

“I was so worried about you today” I said quickly

“Baby…”

“Ethan, I was so scared something would happen… I was so scared that, we would get a call and you were… and I…” I felt tears in my eyes

“Sweetheart? I’m ok. I promise”

“I know that NOW! I didn’t know that an hour ago when I was sitting at my desk hoping I would see you again”

“I love you angel” he said quietly

“I love you too”

“I promise I will ALWAYS come back to you” he said

“You can’t make that promise”

“I will ALWAYS come back to you” He replied a little more firmly

“When will you be back from London?” I asked

“Hard to say… after this I’m supposed to be going to get my next mission I don’t know when I’ll be back” I frowned

“I miss you so much” I said

“I miss you too baby” he responded so quickly

“Promise me you will be safe… and you will call me whenever you can”

“I promise” he said firmly I looked up when the door opened

“Looks like our times up” I said into the phone “I love you”

“I love you too baby, I’ll see you soon” I stood up and handed the phone to William

“Thanks” I said to him before walking out

[calowlmitygoddess]

Ill fill the writing meme because i love talking about myself lmao

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting? Standart arial, and don't care, tought i tried the comic sans trick a few times

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil? Probably not, my handwriting is terrible, actually unreadable to anyone but myself. Ive used to write on papper back in highschool when i had to write basicly everyday, now i havent touched a pen in ages.

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed? No standart ritual aside from needing music, anything else distracts me. The two songs i listened the most while writing is Respite on the Spitafields by ghost and Sacred Worlds by Blind Guardian

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral? Can't think of any rn :^

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true? I dont think i have any

6. What is your darkest fear about writing? That it all will be meaningless/no one will read what i do

7. What is your deepest joy about writing? Doing Something TM the whole, creation aspect

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go? No dialogue, just write a piece of someone going trought their day, ive wrote a small exercise a while back that fit this.

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know No. Unless i hear a Noise TM then they are very real

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you? All my unfinished things haunt me daily. So much promise and so far nothing real. I had to write a thing to help let go of their ghosts

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve? Only when it fits the narrative. I dont like killing characters whitout a major reason, usually thematic, otherwise it feels cheap.

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules. Have the skill needed to make my Big Project reality, Have it reach some form of Good greater recognition/popularity, the last one i would keep for later.

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy? Hard topics in general, big issues, relationships in any realistic way.

Literally just characters vibing, introspection, Over the top stuff.

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back? No one ever asked for a book to me but id have no problem doing so. Im the one people shouldnt ever lend any books because i am very careless and would likely end up dropping coffee or something accidentally on it

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends? I dont write in margins, but i did dog eared books in the past, and i use the jacket(?) of the book to mark my pages.

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark? fuckenn... i dont remember tbh, again i use the jacket.

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text. I have a post with a bunch of lore about the dragon species, i cant find it tought. But they are mammals that lay eggs, have no gender, their society mostly resemble that of bees, they have no currency, and the watsonian reason the main character goes by gendered terms despite not having one is because she thinks the words sound nice

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage. I dont think theres any passages that have interesting enough backstories.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going? My dream since childhood was to write a book, ive always liked to tell stories, read and such, i would dictate stories that my mom would write down before i learnt how to do so. But then i got really into drawing and started to foucus more on that, and ended up shifting the foucus from writing text to comic making since every artist with ocs does that. I also changed foucus on projects faster than light, so i would write 2 chapters and give up the next day, or change the entire story the next week and such.

I stuck with comics as my goal for like the past 6 years, and only early this year i came to the conclusion that i really hate the comic making part of making comics, and that i like writting much better. Im very rusty+ the fact im not as avid reader as i used to, and the quality is not really good, but im having fun.

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

Wip, finish the wip, thats all i wanted since i was 10, what even is the point of this question.

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not? I just started writting 'seriously' so i dont want to quit just yet. Also i have a massive undeserved ego, i dont think even the most discouraging,awful negative review could make me quit doing it.

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud? I have one google doc, with outline+ chapters as i write them, i used to have different docs for lore/outline/chapters but its easier this wau

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

In the inn i stay during the week and my actual room in my house are essentially the same place, Is my room, its messy and damp but its confy enough. My table is turned to the small window and during the morning the sun hist right in my face. The table is equally messy, with cups and glasses over it, pappers stained with coffee and tea cover its surface. My one company, a small succulent that rests near the window, and a carved small owl that i need to constantly clean because its constantly molding due to the dampness.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it? Idk what kind of prep work you would do. I just sit and write mate.

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story? Godamn i cant think of any rn. Most of my Extremely well developed characters are from my BIg Story, but it literally doesnt exist anywhere outside my head yet, so idk what is and isnt relevant to it. For my current wip is a little harder since the characters are like less than a year old. idk...Orick looks like a cat person, i think he would like to own a cat.

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place? I go "what would a person in this situation with this background do" and try my best to guess.

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why? Any character thats like a stategist or planner, because its hard to make them look smart without making it look like bullshit or predicting the future

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why? Meira. Her narration came very easy to me, guilt ridden but still professional and calm, also Big Gay.

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry? I was never a very original kid, im a vampire that sucks the soul out of other things to fuel my own. My current Wip main characters are based out of HK characters they resemble nothing of. Im always on the prowl for new media to steal from be inspired by

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

Sort of. I've dreamed with plots before, and i usually do my best to remember, but while at the moment i wake up feeling like that was the best idea in the world, after a while when i think about it again, its just sort of nonsense

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

Literally Thank you to anyone who ever gave me the time of day. Im still a little haunted by those i dissapointed by never fininishing stuff but the fact that yall liked enough to make me feel guilty for giving up is also good in a way <3

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

'sometimes a dream is enough' - the last line from one of my favourite books. In context it drives me insane, it makes me rabid. But out of context its just neat

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate? Im a Drawer! also tried sculpting in the past. And YES, my current dream is to have an illustrated novel.

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go: No idea what an oxford comma is and at this point im too afraid to ask

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens? POV character being the protagonist, i just found it such a neat concept. Also the protagonist needing to be a Good Moral Character.

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know? Dinossaurs, i wanna write a story about dinossaurs one day...

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you? Gay. Also very into dragons

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us? I dont have any Weird habits i think? I can only imagine some kind of complain about how their current food sucks.

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up? Not to be dark in the funny meme but giving up would literally remove one of the things that give my life some form of meaning

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

idk how to write poems sorry

[oldguy56-world]

All By Myself

I was listening to the car radio this morning. (oldies station of course) and the guy was talking about a new trend amongst the young. It seems more people are leaving 'voice texts' instead of texting with their fingers. They apparently miss the human contact after coming through Covid so they now create these messages so they can actually hear another person's voice. Here is a radical idea. Why not just call them and hold a conversation? Want a more radical idea? How about going to visit them? I know this might generate calls for me to be institutionalized for thinking this way but what the heck.

Those of you paying attention might say 'wait a minute. Isn't this the guy who in June 2020 wrote a blog on how to avoid people called 'Alone?' Why yes it is, but that was a temporary situation to help perpetuate the survival of our species. This one is about how people are purposefully isolating themselves from others. For those of you who do not believe this is dangerous consider this: When they are doing a profile on serial killers or the people doing these mass shootings have you ever heard them described as extremely out-going with a lot of friends? I thought not.

So what should we do about this? Like solving any personal problem you have to start with recognizing you have a problem. With that in mind, here are a few telltale signs you are spending too much time All By Yourself.

Your best friend for the past 20 years is named Pete. You talk to him everyday, but you have never actually met anyone named Pete.

The police ask you to identify whether or not a suspect is your neighbor, but you cannot. You even struggle with the meaning of the word neighbor.

Your only relationship is with the Uber Eats driver. You almost had one with the Skip the Dishes guy but that went south that one day he dared to make eye contact.

You only know 17 of the consonants and can also just count to 1.

Your parents have forgotten you live in their basement because they haven't seen you since 2007.

Your only fantasies involve unlimited streaming channels.

You finally go out in public and are thrilled that your clothes are all back in style, saving you money on getting new stuff.

You think formal wear is anything not involving t-shirts and pajama bottoms

You do not have to buy deodorant because no one is around to complain about the way you smell.

You finally decide to let those Jehovah Witnesses in because you really need someone to talk to.

Hey. That's ten. Too bad Letterman is off the air or I could have sent him this.

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: Being with others can make a lot of life experiences much more enjoyable.

[fckinglooser]

i am really fcked up, and i mean it

i think we are together, and i am super happy about it but often have this feeling - wait, is it like for real? does he really like me that much? why does he - i am an awful person after all

and when i am chatting w/him i feel like i am on cloud 9; he is so funny, inteligent, charming, so sweet, innocent yet teasing - just like, he is, a wholesome, the best person i could've imagined to befriend

but i wouldnt be me if i wasnt depressed, and so i often put dark humour where in fact, is no place for it; and so i make a lot of our conversations about me, more specifically how fcked up am i and my stupid life, my relations w/other ppl (dad mostly), my illnesses, struggles, thoughts... and then i want to apologise so much for saying all these nasty, stupid things - i feel super guilty saying these things to him, firstly because he makes me smile, he is such a positive creature, with a big heart, secondly becasue i dont want him to feel like he is my therapist, a person i tell all the bad stuff and expect them to say sth nice, sth that will make be happy again - no, thats not what a relationship is anout, thirdly, i dont want to worry him, he is older than me, and so sometimes i have this feeling he may treat me like a child - i am scared that our relationship will remind the relationship i have w/my father: he is controlling everything i do and always has to have a last thing to say, he is always right, and you cannot have your own opinion; i don't see him like i see my dad, but it still scares me a bit sth like this might happen; and i really dont want to, i tend to overcontrol some things when i feel like someone is invading my space too much...

and so, becasue of these dark thoughts i share with him, i think of myself as of a vampire which takes everything from this poor sweet boy of mine - and i feel terrible about it; i want to be his best friend, someone he can always rely on, who he can trust, joke around, feel comfortable with; but yet, i feel like the reason for his worries, sad thoughts and just basically all the bad shiet in his life - like i am the source of bad in his life since the moment we met

i really like him, i think i might have never liked anyone like him before, but i sometimes, especially, on such bad days as today (which btw tend to happen more often now...) have this feeling that i dont deserve him, or maybe this way: he, the beautiful mind, smile and everything about him, doesnt deserve to be near, not to say with, someone who is constantly having bad/suicidal thoughts, have several mental illnesses, self harms, hate themselves and many more... i feel responsible for seeing him sad, for seeing him worry about me - the last thing i want to do is to make him feel this way! but yet, i do this all the time, everyday i say sth sad, bad, dark, that changes the flow of our texts/words, and i feel so terrible about it; i dont want him to be with someone who is so depressive, who cannot takr care of himself, who cannot manage his own life and his problems - he doesnt deserve that, he deserves all the best the world has; he went through a lot himself, so there is no need to be a nanny/couch/whatever to someone else, which is me

and so, i thought today - maybe i self harm and have this bad thoughts because i want to prevent him from being around me? cause i dont want him to feel bad, and later on be hurt by me? maybe all of this is in my unconsciousness - i want him to see how bad, cruel, destructive i really am, and so that he can cut me out, run away before i hurt him? i guess it all makes more sense now...

---

i dont know why, maybe because i am to scared to tell him this face to face, cause i will see his sad face and hear him saying: 'Anteeek, please, dont say that'; cause i am such a coward, a looser, not a man, that i am scared? and so, a part of me really hopes that he would stalk me on sm and find this stupid, depressive tumblr of mine, and he will read it, and that he will see how i really am - sad, destroying, with huge trust issues and self hate - and that he will realise that i am no good, and he should cut me out before i do sth i will regret that will hurt him

so please, my sweet boy, find this stupid blog of mine, read this text and do what there is to do - end it all

[vxvidlandmine]

I have been having a weird couple of days.

I passed both of the exams of this semester, which leaves me with a whole month to catch up with stuff I already studied.

In the middle of December I decided to connect more with people I know. I have been going out with a friend of mine in the last few weeks. Every two or three days we went for walks since we live close to some wheat fields. We also went to the supermarket twice and it was the most fun I have had in a while. I knew she was a fun person to be around but after coming home I have found myself wanting to go out more and more every time. Now that the new semester hasn't started yet, I want to spend a lot of time with her, which is problem.

I have a weird love-hate relationship with this girl. We have known each other since we were children, but we got somewhat close at 13-14. I fell for her really hard. She was cute and gave me attention, and I was lonely. Every evening we would hop on Skype and just talk until one of us was too tired to stay awake. In high we were in the same class, and whenever I was too exhausted to listen to the teacher I'd just lie down and I'd gaze at her figure for wayy too long. A couple of times she caught me and the reaction she had made me realize that a) that might have been creepy b) she probably wasn't into me in a romantic way.

But I decided to ignore it, and study the situation just like a regular weirdo would do. I started noticing all these little cues that in retrospect are really easy to catch, but not so much when you desperately want your crush to like you back. I was just a friend to her, a close one, the one you go to when you want to share an embarassing story and laugh about it. If no one was around, we'd talk there was no problem. The moment someone else appeared, she'd just brush me off.

I noticed how she looked at other people, guys she'd have flings with in my class, and how she looked at me. With me, her eyes were serious and seemed darker than they actually were. One time I happened to glance at her right after someone told a joke. It was like her pupils were replaced by stars, and her smile was genuine. I was really sad that day, and slowly I started losing interest. Nothing much changed immediately in how I felt, but she noticed I was nervous around her and started being much less kind. It got to the point where if I looked at her for more than was socially acceptable, she'd get visibly angry and would start shouting "Stop looking at me!" and giggle like an evil witch. In my defense, I was really stupid.

We slowly stopped talking everyday, and we would go out together with our group of friends much and much less over time.

At 16 I was over her, she treated me badly and I didn't even got to confess my feelings for her. After seeing how shallow and insensitive she could get I lost every bit of "love" or infatuation left.

After high school, we went to study in the same city. With no one else from our hometown but us, we reconnected a bit. She changed, I changed, and now we get along better than we used to.

Or so I think. I'm not an idiot, I'd never make the same mistake twice. I don't have a crush on her. Yet despite all of this, I find myself wanting to spend more and more time with her. Last time we met she told me of a serious problem she's been dealing with. When I went home, in-between study sessions (and after I was done) I started coming up with way to help her. What she told me "hits close to home" as I dealt with something similar in the past, maybe that's why I'm so hung on it but again, why am i fixating on in? Why do I want to help her? She's my friend of course, and I like helping people.

Anyway. A few closing remarks.

We could hove gone out today but she said she didn't have enough time to get everything done. Another friend of mine hit me up and asked me something exams-related. Another friend of mine texted me out of the blue, although I planned on texting him after exam session ended. Yet after 5pm a void started materializing inside me and I got nothing else done. This is why I'm writing right now, I need to get this off my chest. Maybe it's because I'm turning 21 soon and whenever my birthday arrives I always realize how much I have missed on and how many more things I'll miss because im a lonely idiot.

I'll probably make another wall of texts with all the thoughts related to my birthday.

Bye bye surrogate of intimacy.

[numbernninemickey]

I miss that one time we laid in your twin sized bed just side to side and all we did was talk about our problems and futures. i miss the night before, when we stayed up until 3 listening to our favorite songs and talked about life. I miss that one FaceTime where you stayed up until 3 talking to me about our shared interests. I miss the two times we held hands the entire drive back to your dorm. I miss our beach date when we had drinks together and watched the sunset even though it was cloudy. I miss that party where you laid on my shoulder and we were all over each other the rest of the night. I wish I knew that would be the closest I’d ever be to you. I miss that time after the party I tucked you in and kissed you on the neck twice as you were drifting off to sleep.

My friends tell me to move on and that there’s nothing I could’ve done to change the outcome between us. And I know we live far away from each other so I figured this would’ve never lasted from the beginning. But as time went on I realized how much of what we had was real to me. You made me feel welcome. You invited me into your weird little world and let me invite you to mine. I felt comfortable talking to you no matter how long or how weird our conversations got. Before the beach date I didn’t think anything of us, but after I realized how into you I was beyond your physical attributes. I smiled every time I saw your name on my phone. You were there for me at my lowest even if you didn’t realize it.

When I left to go home I texted you how I felt but mentioned that this can’t turn into a relationship. You told me you weren’t sure how you felt about me and that you weren’t ready for a relationship at all. But then you started dating that guy you hooked up with twice when we were talking. You would show me messages he would send that weekend I came to you talking about “why does he keep texting me? does he not get the message?” I couldn’t look that over and it made me feel like I was an option the whole time. You were never an option to me. For even that brief period of time, you were everything. You broke up with him but that still left a pain in my chest.

The last time I saw you after the numerous months we didn’t speak to each other made me believe that we would rekindle what we had. But you didn’t seem like you wanted to talk about what happened between us at all and you shut down every time I referenced us. I told you that those 5 days total we had together was the happiest I was all year, and you brushed it to the side. It made me feel like everything we had was for nothing. Driving 6 hours just to see your face seemed like such a waste to me. How did you feel about me? When did all your feelings for me fall apart? Did an ounce of you even want me? You wanted a peaceful life with a family that looks like you and shares your family’s ideology, and I just wanted you.

I don’t know how long it’s gonna take for me to get over you. I involved myself with two different women this semester and I left both times. I couldn’t get myself to like them as much as they liked me, and I ended up hurting them. I couldn’t stop thinking about us during my time with them.

I wish I had the strength to tell you in person how much you mean to me, but I was afraid to hear that you didn’t feel the same, even if I already knew that was the case. I broke myself down so much over the course of 8 months just to feel any semblance of love from you for 15 minutes. The only thing I can do is put that same energy into myself. I’ve been burning myself with matches since that conversation just to feel something. It’s a habit I hope I can shake.

All I do everyday is think about you

I want to be just friends with you, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to be at that point with you. That feeling I used to have when talking to you is gonna come back. It hurts to see your name come up on my ig stories. A part of me wishes to erase you from my memories for good. But another part of me wants me to remember that you were the little good I had in this shitty year. And thats all you’ve become to me: a distance memory. One that I’ll probably think about when I’m at work on a random Wednesday.

This isn’t a message to get you to love me. I doubt you’ll even see this and telling all of this to you would be a waste atp. Honestly I hope you don’t see this at all. This is just a confession. This is a promise that I will do better for myself in the future and put me first. It’s a promise that I can hopefully find love again without worrying if the pain I get from them will be as bad as the pain I’m in right now. I know you have your problems too so I hope you take care of yourself.

ilyg