#will probably make more of these because I’m mentally ill and hilarious

[strawberrywithlegs]

Hypmic but it’s things that have been said in the GC I’m in

[celestialholz]

For some reason, I’m seriously wondering if Brassius is /younger/ than he looks, like…Cyrus does NOT look 27, yet there he is. And Brassius was confirmed to have had physically and mentally torturous younger years as an artist struggling for recognition. I’m not saying he’s also 27 mind you, he’s more likely in his late 30’s, /maybe/ early 40’s if we’re being generous.

This…also brings up the potential of an age gap in his and Hassel’s relationship, depending on when they met. Hassel’s likely in his 50’s (somewhere on the low end, maybe), meaning they might have anywhere from a 10 to 15 year age gap in their relationship!

I’m not saying there was any orbiting mind you, they were both fully-grown legal adults when they met, and all my homies hate orbiting—but it’s something to consider, given we don’t have canon ages for every character outside of a very small few.

Ah, my dear anonymous friend, today I must have a chat with you all on coding.

Cyrus looks like this at 27 because he's wrong. His storyline is finding a way to mend the 'incomplete human spirit', and yet in his design and actions we see his flawed viewpoint. The narrative asks you to consider that if this is what perfection looks like, why is everyone else different? Why does everyone else look their age, or younger, and yet they're somehow incorrect? It's because everyone else isn't wrong. Cyrus' cold heart is draining him of his youth and vitality - he's too serious, and so it shows upon his skin. He's a commentary, a man too driven and too angry at entirely the wrong thing. He will unleash the literal embodiment of Satan to 'save us all', which is dictator language if I've ever heard it. It's why he wears grey, white and black - at his 'core', where the white undershirt is (the colour of purity), he has good intentions, or at least believes he does; his jacket is grey because he's morally ambiguous, lying to his team with again, what he thinks are good intentions - he's saving everyone, isn't he, what's the sacrifice of some good soldiers compared to that? And it's predominantly black, because his heart, and his thoughts, are literally 'dark.' He's a walking red flag on virtually every level, which makes the fact that his name literally means 'sun' particularly funny. He thinks he's bringing light to the world, but all he's bringing is darkness.

Contrast all of that to this lovely fellow here.

Brassius is physically marked by time because of both illness and depression - he was never 'wrong' in the way Cyrus is, so his lines and frown are a measure of struggling rather than a mental issue. The transformation here is palpable - the man we see jumping from rooftops and being the King of Drama is not necessarily young accordingly, he's alive. He's living his best life later in that life because he never could before - he's been healed, physically and spiritually, by Hassel. The coding here is of a youth unfortunately missed - he was drained of it too, but in an entirely different manner. Hilarious, because as I've pointed out before, Brassius is moon-coded to Hassel's sun coding - he's reflected his light, and now shines in his own right, whereas Cynthia - whose name similarly means 'moon' - is a reflection of Cyrus, the 'good' mirror to his wild ideals.

The difference lies not only in narrative, but in coding. Cyrus is a petulant youth, shouting at the world that won't listen until he makes them; Brassius is a grandpa-esque figure of art and wisdom. He's seen shit, and therefore he's basically every child's adorable little gay uncle. He's not jumping off windmills because he's full of youth, especially when we know from his rematch that it hurts his knees - he's jumping off windmills because he can. Because he's living now, because he's a role model, because he basks in literal sunlight... which is probably why he trains Grass-types, narratively. Needs that photosynthesis. <3

Likewise, speaking of men who are living nowadays...

Here is a man who has also been through some shit - the burden of responsibility vs. the freedom of being your authentic self, who has also been healed by finding his little free-spirited, unapologetic artist husband. You'll see looking at them together like this, the only thing really distinguishing the two in wrinkles is the lines around Hassel's mouth... which is pretty easy to explain away as continuous frowning, when you've spent a good portion of your life hiding your true softness and trying to be the head of the family your heritage expects you to be.

It's a very different and beautiful take on the Sinnoh dynamic, honestly. Where Cyrus and Cynthia are at odds, both fighting for their own greater good, the sun and the moon here are in harmony - they're equals at every turn. One heals the other, and vice versa; they're both role models for young people; Brassius' art depicts them both to varying degrees; Hassel shows up at gym two; Flapple is half of them each... neither seems inadequate at all. Even the skill gap evens up, because they become very similarly levelled during the gym leader rematches.

And when you've got coding like that...

Is Hassel the older one, here? Oh, almost definitely. We don't know any canon ages in Paldea except Dendra, who explicitly tells us she's 25, and therefore, Tulip must be a very similar age as they grew up together. Everyone else is up for debate, really, aside from the kids obviously being kids. But this has all been a very long way to say, dearest anon, that I don't think this age gap's as wide as you might think. :) I think, in the spirit of equality, Brassius looks older than he is, and Hassel does too, because they've both had lives of turmoil - if I had to stick numbers on it, Brassius is early 40s, and Hassel's late 40s. But as you rightly point out my unknown pal, there's no orbiting here. This is a healthy and wonderful relationship of absolute equilibrium, as my meta masterpost on them will explain more easily than I can summarise here. Both of them are utter sweethearts with good hearts, and everything they are is built on mutual respect and appreciation. But you don't usually achieve mastery of your craft, and especially not after early disadvantages, unless you're of a certain age. These two are endgame life material, the 'happily ever after' of achieving true self-worth as well as true love. They stand as our in-game grandpas for a reason. :)

[carriagelamp]

Found some excellent horror-related and horror-adjacent books to read this month! Not a common genre for me, so this was fun. Really can't recommend Grady Hendrix as an author enough, Horrorstör was definitely my favourite novel from this month

Eric

I hate saying it because I love the Discworld and Terry Pratchett is easily my favourite author, but man Eric did not do it for me. You could see some good bones in it, but as far as I’m concerned all the interesting bits that appeared were done significantly better in later books. It had some humour moments, but the only bits that I really enjoyed were when the Luggage was around.

This story followed a young, teenaged, would-be demon summoner who, instead of summoning a demon, accidentally winds up with the incompetent and fearful wizzard Rincewind. Obligated to answer this kid’s wishes, they end up bouncing through time and space while attempting to survive what each wish had to throw at them. 

Fantastic Mr Fox / Esio Trot / George’s Marvellous Medicine / The Enormous Crocodile

I went on a Dahl kick this month, I wanted to work through some of his shorter works that I’ve never bothered to read before. All of them were honestly delightful, I had a blast. Esio Trot was probably the weakest of the lot, but the other three were so much fun. The Fantastic Mr Fox may be my favourite just by virtue of being the most fleshed out, but listening to The Enormous Crocodile be read by Stephen Fry is an unparalleled experience.

Hockey Girl Loves Drama Boy

A story I enjoyed more than I expected. I have a strange soft spot for hockey narratives, but that might just be the Canadian in me. Alix’s one true love is hockey, it’s the one place she feels competent and happy, but her team captain is making the space increasingly hostile until, unable to take the bullying, she strikes out and punches her captain. Shocked by her own violence and given an ultimatum by the coach to get her temper under control, she ends up going to popular and poised Ezra, hoping that he could show her how to deal with harassment without losing her cool in a way that scares her.

Horrorstör

Easily the best book I read this month, this book was amazing, I can’t recommend it enough. It’s a “haunted house but in a knock-off Ikea” and I mostly picked it up as a joke because the premise sounded hilarious. But I was familiar with the author (I’d read The Southern Book Club’s Guide To Slaying Vampires a couple years ago) and trusted him to do something interesting with the premise. And wow. Just wow. It is very much a classic, grisly, nauseating horror premise, but in a way that explores capitalism, exploitation, and treatment of prisoners and the mentally ill. It’s been  a long time since I read a book that actually gave me chills, but I had to put this book down and walk away from it occasionally, it was intense enough.

The Kaiju Preservation Society

As a Pacific Rim lover, this book was everything I’d ever wish for it to be. It’s such a love letter to the kaiju genre as well as environmental conservation, and it’s speculative biology is fascinating!

After being fire from his job at the beginning of the Covid pandemic lockdown in New York City, Jamie Gray is barely making ends meet by acting as a delivery driver. He doesn’t know how he can possibly continue on like this, until he runs into an old friend who offers him a strange and intensely secretive job offer. With nothing to lose, Jamie agrees and finds himself on an alternate Earth, helping to study creatures that he only knows from campy monster movies, now very much real.

The Last Wish

Felt an urge to reread a Witcher book, so I’ve been picking my way through the short stories. They continue to be a lot of fun, and it felt good to reconnect with the original narrative voice again after reading a lot of fanfiction over the years. For anyone who has someone existed post-Netflix version without picking up the general premise: Geralt of Rivia is a "witcher", a person who was specifically trained to wield weapons and magics to hunt dangerous monsters that threaten humans. This is a collection of short stories that show Geralt on some of the various hunts he's had during the decades of his over-long life. (It's significantly better than the Netflix version, very much worth the read if you like classic high fantasy and/or fairy tale retellings.)

Mortimer: Rat Race to Space

A very dull youth novel. Mortimer is a lab rat at Houston who has aspirations to go on the space program and prove that rats are better suited for colonizing Mars than humans. If you’re a seven year old who wants to consume space facts, this is the book for you. For everyone else, it’s a bit of a slog.

My Best Friend’s Exorcism

Another Grady Hendrix book. This book was undeniably well-written, just as masterful as his others, but I didn’t enjoy it as much. A bit too much high school narrative and not enough all out horror. The conclusion was pretty decent, but the rest was… fine. A fun love letter to the 1980s though as you learn about two best friends and how they grow up together. ...A bit of a debate whether or not it warrants a queer marker or not, I'm not even going to make that attempt.

The One and Only Ruby

The newest book from the One and Only Ivan series. Much like The One and Only Bob this book was… fine. The original of the series was really wonderful and felt quite inspired, inspired by the real life story of a gorilla that’s kept in a small cage in a mall complex. The next two books take place after that one and each follows one of Ivan’s friends (Bob the dog and Ruby the baby elephant). A fun enough addition to the series, the art is still cute, and it has decent things to say about the hunting of endangered animals, but it was nothing amazing. 

Paperbacks from Hell

Look, I really just felt the desperate need to read a bunch of Hendrix novels after being so violently consumed by Horrorstör. This is a nonfiction book in which Hendrix dives into the evolution and popular tropes of horror novels throughout the 1980s, with the cover art being the driving thesis throughout. You can tell how much he loves these weird, pulpy horrors and it makes you want to go and find a bunch of these and read them yourself. It really is an interesting book, even if you aren’t a great horror lover (which I wouldn’t consider myself).

The Salt Grows Heavy

Now this is a fucking novella. An absolutely unhinged, body-horror rich retelling of both The Little Mermaid and Frankenstein. Yeah. After the complete destruction of her husband’s kingdom at the hands (and jaws) of her own children, the Mermaid finds herself travelling with a mysterious Plague Doctor. I won’t go further into this except to say that the way it portrays morality, life, death, and the mutability of flesh is just… something else. Would recommend. But not if you have a weak stomach.

Scott Pilgrim

A classic. I watched the new animated series with my brother and felt the need to go back and reread the entire original series. Absolutely perfect, no notes, continues to be one of my all time favourite graphic novel series. The magical realism is just *chef’s kiss*.

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

With the knowledge that I can send as many asks as I want, be prepared for me to never shut up (/hj) Anyway, like I said in the comments of my previous question, I would like to hear a few words about Haruka, because he is also one of my favorites All of my favorites have at one point or another gotten unforgiven and I don't know what that says about my morality

Oh, don’t worry, I love receiving asks! And I wouldn’t worry too much about the guilty thing, like half the cast has been voted guilty at one point or another. Or maybe I’m just coping because my favorites are Amane and Mikoto, maybe Fuuta and Muu, so I’m on the same boat. At least Es can’t be voted Guilty, right?

CW: Murder, animal death, suicide.

Anyways, Haruka. This physical manifestation of mommy issues is really quite cool. I really love his MVs, and his songs slap, hard. His need for attention is a very unique motivation, and I love how it plays off Muu’s own issues. Their dynamic is super interesting.

Haruka: Muu is my mother. (2nd VD)

My guy. What.

But he’s still a really intriguing character on his own. I’m really fascinated by the way his character tackles untreated mental illness, there’s a lot to be said about that aspect of him. And I am a big fan of the “suicide theory” by moibakadesu, I think it makes him an even more fun-to-analyze character.

His interrogation questions are some of the most interesting too imo.

T1 Q17: Is there something you regret?

H: There is.

Ooh… What’d you do Haruka boy?

T1 Q18: What are you most scared of?

H: Betraying people.

Muu and him were always going to form a unhealthy codependency weren’t they.

T1 Q20: What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever bought?

H: Cotton candy.

From this we can gather that cotton candy is extremely expensive in Haruka’s world, which implies a shortage of the elements used to create it. In this essay I will

T2 Q2: What’s your opinion on the Guard?

H: Guard-san is not my mom.

My guy. Please.

T1 Q14: What’s an event that sticks to your memory?

H: Fireworks

???

T2 Q4: Tell us the origin of your name.

H: It seems like she wanted a girl. She had already chosen this name.

Like the girl in Weakness? Oh, theorizing go brrr…

T2 Q11: Are there any prisoners you can't deal with right now?

H: I'm fine with Amane-chan now. I'm not scared of small children anymore.

Objectively hilarious answer. These two need to interact more.

And I also just think it’s really funny how the most recent timelines dialogue we’ve gotten outside of character birthdays are him begging us/Es to inno Muu, and then we gave her the widest Guilty ratio in Milgram history. L moment.

(I really hope he doesn’t manage to kill himself or that is gonna age horribly)

On the topic of verdicts, I do think the Guilty this trial was probably necessary. Not because it’s somehow gonna stop him from hurting himself (because I’m pretty sure that’s not how that works), but because we need him to realize he did something real bad at some point, and putting it off until the Third Trial is dangerous when we don’t know what the final trial will be like. Sorta the same reasoning as Muu funnily enough, we can’t let the Trial 1 inno be misinterpreted. Though I do wonder how he’s gonna react to both his own and Muu’s verdicts. I have a feeling the answer will be “not well.”

Anyways, yeah. He ranks a solid score on the Silliness Scale. He’s cool, I like him. Thanks for the ask! Hope this was a satisfying answer!

[steveharrington]

sorry to be a freak and come here instead of actually commenting on ao3 but i love how tommy functions as this foil/parallel to jonathan in your fic???? like they both have a mentally ill mother and an instinctive distrust of men who attempt to enter her life (maybe reaching but i’m reading that tommy has a good reason for that distrust the same way that jonathan’s wariness stems hugely from his father).

and just like jonathan he’s parentified—going to meetings for her, making sure to keep her meds in order—but i feel like whereas jonathan has will to look after which leads to him turning the resentment he harbours for joyce inwards and having a very “buck-up and stay strong for will” attitude, tommy basically focuses all of his energy towards his mom (okay definitely reaching here i haven’t even seen them interact yet 😭😭) and is a cunt to everyone else ever—besides carol tee-hee—as his way of dealing with the anxiety of a child being forced into a caregiver role for their parent. like jonathan is fundamentally unable to be a kid (which is why i’ll somewhat defend him in s4 cause i think he deserved to get high and be stupid for once) while tommy is unable to be a kid in the area where he should most be able to which is why he acts like one in every other area. and hilariously his resentment is constantly flushed out because carol’s his gf LOL.

like i think jonathan thinking just for a second that it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if joyce’s anxiety drove away any asshole who might be initially attracted to her and then beating himself up for the cruelty of it because how could he think that? meanwhile carol says it for tommy and tommy pats himself on the back for finding a girl so blunt and brutal.

anyway you made me have SO many thoughts about tommy hagan even though my thoughts pre this fic were “man what a dick. he and carol are kind of goals though they genuinely love each other and stick up for each other”.

first of all do NOT apologize this is literally a dream 😭 i appreciate all comments so so much and honestly tumblr is a pretty good platform to get them because i can respond at length (and sometimes i hesitate to respond to comments on ao3 because i don’t want to put a notif in someone’s inbox and get their hopes up for a comment on one of their fics and really it’s just me responding which i know sounds insane but it’s just what i do) but anyways oh my god thank you so much

you’ve made so many good points that i didn’t even think about when i was writing it!!! my main basis for tommy’s background with his parents, specifically his mom, is that from the few crumbs we have of him in the show he is 1. very bitter and resentful of the people around him 2. very unsupervised (having sex in the 6th grade which….jesus) and 3. very unfazed by interpersonal family drama based on the way he was so quick to joke around about steve’s dad’s infidelity in front of nancy and barb. all that combined gave me the idea that his parents are probably divorced, which also gives him and steve this bond that partially helps explain why they’re even friends when we meet them in s1. like…as steve grows more cognizant of what’s right and wrong and starts angling himself to hang out with someone like nancy, a polar opposite from tommy and carol, i think it’s natural for the viewer to be like “okay why is he friends with them in the first place then??” and my explanation is that when you grow up with someone, you become very intertwined with their life and their struggles and that doesn’t all just go away once you get older and develop different personalities

ANYWAYS all of this is to say that writing tommy’s relationship with his mom this specific way was a choice partially based on the little tiny bits we have of him in canon and partially just me trying to flesh him out a bit more and explore why, like you said, he resents people so much and why he comes across so immature compared to steve even at the start of season one. i also like to think that tommy singling out jonathan when he’s putting his poster up is his attempt at consoling himself about his own situation at home by being like “well at least i’m not jonathan byers”

i will say…….jonathan is very important in this fic ;) so getting this ask was very thrilling because i already have plans to bring him into the story in a big way and seeing someone else sense his vibes before he’s even arrived is so so so cool :’) again thank you so much it’s ever fic writers dream to talk about their ideas at length like this!!!

[givemaycoffee]

It seems you're feeling better today. I'm glad! Have some more questions :)

11, 39, 47, 78, 90

I am! :) And capitalizing on it as best as I can. Thanks for more of these 🥰

11. Do you have any strange phobias?

I don’t know if it’s strange but I have trypophobia. It’s strong enough that I have developed coping mechanisms to deal with it. It can become like an intrusive thought once it’s on my mind. I filter for it on here, and I’m always grateful when someone I follow actually uses the tag so I don’t have to see it. I also haven’t bothered to internalize how it’s spelled (even tho looking at it now it’s really not complicated), but I have the word saved in my notes app because originally I had to Google it and let me tell you… not a fun experience!

39. What time is it?

Aha, speaking of geography. It’s 4:53 pm :3

47. Do you have any obsessions right now?

Not really! Thank goodness tbh. I hyperfixated on Fire Emblem: Three Houses pretty hard when I got into it (June or July), and went down the Dimileth rabbit hole first, then Sylvix. I’m still enjoying Sylvix, but it’s not compulsive like it was when I was well and truly hyperfixated. I’ve been avoiding finishing the CF route, tho, so I’m currently playing Spiritfarer.

78. Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Uh oh! You’ve unlocked Opinions™. The first of which is that insanity is a word I find uncomfortable because it isn’t an official psychological term anymore, it’s mostly used in law these days to indicate severe mental illness, and when the average person genuinely uses it to describe another person they’re often using it to demonize said person’s mental illness. However, I don’t think anyone involved here intended that, so I am just mentioning it because I have met a lot of folks for whom it is a word that personally hurts them, and thus I feel the need to say something.

To answer the actual question, I think it’s looking at it wrong, really. Rather than bringing on creativity, I think mental illness tends to result in unique experiences, both positive and negative, and art is an outlet for all of it. Van Gogh had what seems to be manic depression, and art was a way to express himself. Art therapy is very much a thing for folks with all sorts of mental illnesses. It allows you to explore life, yourself, whatever you want in a way that doesn’t require words (or does, if you express yourself through writing), and can maybe communicate some of what’s going on in your head to someone else who otherwise might have very little understanding. And it can even help you understand yourself, too, sometimes.

So yeah, I think ultimately unique experiences and perspectives make a person more creative, especially in the eyes of someone whose own experiences are very different. It’s all relative, baby! This is also why diversity is super important (beyond just being fundamentally a good thing), because diverse people have diverse ideas and diversity of thought leads to creativity and innovation :3

90. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

First of all - this one is hilarious. Secondly… cry. Fun fact about me, if a zombie apocalypse were to happen, I would like to die, thanks! Don’t wanna deal with it, too scary and depressing. Anyhow - after crying, I would probably do the boring thing which is see if they react to anything, including movement and speech, and go from there. If no movement, J and I get up and leave and probably call my in-laws because they’re the real adults around here. 😂

[fangirleaconmigo]

I finished The Umbrella Academy S3 here are my thoughts, good, bad, and otherwise.

Good:

Fei is hot. I was like 😍

Five is still an icon. I thought I’d miss his uniform but nope the old man look suited him. I continue being absolutely delighted by him.

It’s my favorite Klaus arc. I know people loved the cult thing but he was so self absorbed and I’m like eh I wanna see the soft marshmallow insides and while it hurt to see him try and be rejected by his parents, it was also #relatable and I loved him. And I loved seeing him develop his powers.

Viktor coming out was handled really well. All of it was in character and focused on but not used or exploited.

Dance scenes. I’m a basic bitch who cannot get enough of them.

Sibling team ups. Viktor and Allison in Ep 1-2, Klaus and Five on the ball of twine tour. NO TWINE NO BIRTH MOTHER. And the perfect convo about family in front of the twine. My heart grew three sizes. And Klaus going YOU’VE RUINED THE AMISH FOR ME.

Dieguito being a dad was hilarious. I was so crushed for him when he found out the kid wasn’t his. Then so relieved at least Lila didn’t fully lie and is pregnant.

The wedding ep was so good. I’m such a sucker for the “night before the apocalypse” episodes of anything. Idk it’s the heightened savoring of every last moment, it’s saying things you would never have had the guts to say, it’s loving big because in the end that’s the only thing that really matters.

Asshole Ben coming apart at the end and bonding with Klaus was hilarious.

I was glad they had the dad be still evil in the end because that’s how I saw his character and that made absolute sense to me.

Primo sibling banter and bickering and complicated love, which where else can I get this? Pump it into my veins.

Bad:

I hated what they did with Harlan I just did. I hated it. Firstly, the “I can’t control my powers so I wreak havoc which traumatizes me but no one gets that I’m innocent” trope is overused *in their own show* much less everywhere else. So that was boring. Secondly I *hate* that they took the canon autistic child, made him use his ‘powers’ which in fantasy is usually code for mental or neurological difference, made it ‘dangerous’ then had an umbrella murder him. AND it fucked up what was such a beautiful story with Viktor and Sissy

Speaking of Harlan, I hated that the Umbrellas were like OH WELL GOTTA KILL HIM FOR THE SPARROWS. I get what they were *trying* to go for (we’ve all killed people to save the world, and killing is killing right???) um no. All killing is not morally equal. What is this a phil 101 class and you just walked in the door without doing your reading? Second of all, trying to kill the high powered person, Last time you tried it, ended the world. I was furious when Luther was telling Viktor it had to be done. Give me a break bc it worked so well last time? Third, it would have made WAY more sense to enlist Harlan to resist against the sparrows. One of him is more powerful than all of them put together. So basically, it didn’t make sense, ethically was not as deep as they thought, and I hated what it did to Sissy and Harlan as a story.

I hated that they had Allison sexually violate Luther. There are people who are like…she’s done this kind of thing before pre-S1. It’s not out of character. Idk if that’s true? Is it the same exact thing? Debatable. But more importantly, we’ve seen her char develop since then.

And I found her choices understandable up to that point. She had been through unbelievable trauma and was coming apart at the seams. I was completely with her up until that point. Not that I liked her choices, but I understood them. They were trying to actually take seriously the effects of that kind of horrific trauma. And probably respond to criticism that the Black woman character was always stripped of her power or her voice either by choice or not.

But having her violate him like that is horrific and to me didn’t follow from her other poor Choices which were “Ill do anything to get back to my kid”. So. Idk. How did that get her back to her kid? That didn’t need to happen and it didn’t further her story. It felt like it was for shock value. And then having her kill Harlan on top of it gahhhhhhhbbb. I just really love Allison as a character and I feel like they mishandled her arc.

Neither bad nor good just questions:

Lila was flirting with Five, right? That wasn’t just me? We’re they trying to remind us he’s an adult this season?

Diego’s fake kid…I was surprised he didn’t turn out to be some kind of important part of the plot. The ear oozing made me think something else was going on. Like he was gonna be the warrior or an alien like their dad or something. In scifi, ear oozing means aliens usually. Like when someone coughs blood they’ll be dead within the hour. It’s a trope.

I didn’t fully understand the plot but I didn’t care. I don’t even try to follow time travel plots bc they never make sense. Like, I fully turn my brain off.

Sooo in sum:

Glad I got to spend time with my umbrellas and I still love them but this was my least favorite season.

[collectingthestars]

So in school this one year I had this one bitch in my class whom we will call Regina George for hopefully obvious reasons. And she was just. A massive bigot. Constantly bullying the neurodivergent kids, being an asshole to gay ppl, openly hating sushi. She was just,,, the worst. And I had made it my personal mission to destroy her (not like that you sickos). I drew a shitty copy of her face and stuck it to a pillow whenever I needed to punch something and you may think I'm lying about that much like a politician may say he wants equal opportunity for all, or a person on the internet claims I'm "really not that attractive so I should stop worshipping myself" which doesn't even make sense because like hello can you see me rn and also all my trauma and mental illnesses are stored in my dump truck ass which is why it's so big and you probably think I'm deflecting my deep rooted insecurities by making jokes about how hot I am which is not true and- point is I really hated this Regina bitch. So deep was my burning desire to set her hair on fire that I hatched a plan. Regina obviously wants more bigots and Trump supporters in positions of power, right? What better way to anger her than have me, an openly queer and pagan punk that's read the communist manifesto 3 times, get onto the school council leadership team? Pretty smart, right? Wrong. I had no leadership experience whatsoever and in hindsight I probably should've been focused on getting onto the team to help people rather than have my one motivation be a giant middle finger to some rich cishet girl who's dad is probably gone. Ok that was dark but you get what I'm saying, I hated this bitch. But anyway, I gave my big speech about leadership and equality and if I got onto the team I'd give the school bathrooms actually good toilet paper that doesn't feel like I'm having intercourse with a cactus covered in sandpaper. And it worked. My unhinged demonic definitely-possessed-by-a-crack-addict, stop-trying-to-drink-the-box-of-juice-you-found-in-a-bin-wtf-is-wrong-with-you self got onto a team full of white brunette children with rich parents. Excellent. Now all I needed to do was convert a herd of pubescent children into spitting on Regina's shoes and throwing gas cans back at the police. Shouldn't be hard, right? Wrong again. Apparently no one is willing to listen to a short feminine presenting dork with anger issues. Weird. My plan to make Regina's life miserable was failing. And there was only one thing left to do. You know those thoughts you get, where the side of your brain that practices kindness and forgiveness tells you not to do it but the other side that eats crayons and memories WAP is telling you to do it for no other reason than it'd be fucking hilarious if you were a character in a tv show (which I'm starting to feel like with U guys. I'm not mad tho, I feel like a small mammal in an enclosure as a group of four year olds watches me take a shit as they start giggling hysterically). So I stared deep into the mirror of agony and asked God where my moral stance lies if not elsewhere than replaceable specks of dust on a dirt road. And god, with her many mouths and her many tragedies, says nothing. So anyway I bought a roll of stickers of the lgbt pride flag online and stuck them on all of Regina's belongings without her knowing. Yes it was funny as shit no I don't regret being an asshole. The immense amount of joy it brought me to see this girl become enraged and try to frantically tear off a sticker of a rainbow off her school bag. Which really proves that you can do all the goodness your heart demands of you but at the end of the day death and life do not care what you have done and so why not make yourself immortal. Anyways this has been fun bestie love U also who do you speculate I am I'm curious 💖💖💖

oh my gods i don’t know if i should be proud or terrified, i’m most likely feeling both. but honestly she had it coming

[smoreboi]

my family makes a lot of threats, but they never actually do anything and it’s hilarious now that I have some more distance between us. Like,, I’m not going to sever ties because I need college money and healthcare and my mom took my money from graduation and instead of actually taking me to the bank and getting me a card she just put it in her own account and is slowly giving me an “allowance” of my own money each month, and then judging me for how I’m using it (to buy skeletons that I can marry or parent, in case you’re wondering) saying that I’m not being responsible with it, which I’m not because allowances as an 18yo IS a joke, just stop fear mongering me from getting a job and give me my money and I’ll go ahead and take it seriously. So yeah, I’m not going to sever ties. But I’m sick of the threats. Parents said they highly considered kicking me out and making me pay for everything when I told them that I went behind their back and got myself a single in the queer housing on my campus and was going to be a not girl in college whether they approve or not, but they didn’t do it. Like, where’s the passion? If you’re gonna be a bigot, BE THE FUCKING BIGOT. Don’t just threaten me like that, this is mental abuse.

Grandma said if I transition before she dies she’ll take me to my great grandfather’s grave, make me confess my “sins” to him (he was a Lutheran preacher, and confession isn’t typically part of Lutheran practice as far as I’m aware as someone raised Lutheran, so I don’t know why she needed to add this bit), and then shoot me on his grave, but like,, if she’s right about everything, I’d be going to heaven only if it weren’t for the snail worship. As far as I’m aware as someone raised Lutheran, Jesus died for the sins of the people, all the sins of the people, and thus as long as someone believes this to be true, no matter their sins in life or their actions in correlation with a church, they will go to heaven. Me being trans isn’t taking me to hell, me worshiping three snails as a joke because the placebo affect of performing ritual prayer to them has only positively affected my life is what’s sending me to hell! So do it! You’re coming down with me, because love thy neighbor and don’t murder are two big rules in your religion. Some dude climbed a mountain about that shhh or something. Stop making my mind swarm your house with spiders only I can see as a warning sign that it isn’t a safe place for me and just do it.

earlier in life, parents threatened to send me to a mental hospital because I was your typical undiagnosed mentally ill angsty teen who didn’t talk to them and hung out with other undiagnosed mentally ill angsty teens, but they never actually did. I would probably have gotten at least some kind of brain care there, and they’d have kept me away from sharp objects! But noooooo, we stigmatize mental illness and then use it as a threat to our child every time it acts up slightly or might be bisexual. first, DONT FUCKING DO THAT and second, ACTUALLY LET YOUR CHILD RECEIVE MENTAL HEALTH TREATMENT WHEN IT ASKS AND STOP JUST USING IT AS A THREAT WHENEVER IT HAS A FRIEND WITH PARENTS BELOW YOUR WAGE BRACKET!! You bigoted fucks, just do it and get it over with

[dreamsclock]

Undertale's 'But it refused', but it's Dream's last canon life. - Minotaur

this is probably darker than most things i’ve written - when i say pay attention to the tags, i’m being serious this time sksdbkd,,, please read with caution !! it’s in second person and centres around c!dream’s time in prison, so you can imagine the kind of thoughts and action that takes place

warnings: trauma, mental deterioration, mental illness, mental instability, pain, manipulation, self hatred, murder, animal death, repeated death, implied starvation, madness, begging, dead body, abuse, torture, pain/agony, drowning mention, dying, respawning, dehumanisation, crying, emotional distress, hurt no comfort, dark themes / content

You call for help.

The black walls stare back at you — not cruel, never cruel, but too warm and unforgiving and on the wrong side of impassive that makes you want to scream. Sometimes you do. Sometimes you scream until your throat shreds and your eyes burn and your mind goes numb, more numb than it does when lava gnaws at it. Screaming is temporary, but it feels better: it’s a release of emotions you’re not allowed to feel, and it’s weakness, but you tell yourself over and over again it’s manipulation until you begin to believe it.

You’re told to shut up. You do, after a while. There’s no point wasting energy he barely has.

Time crawls, drags, leaps by, memory growing spotty and sluggish. You blink your eyes and a day has passed. You draw breath after painful breath and not even a second has gone by. It’s hard to know which is worse. What you do know is that your cries for help are silent and it doesn’t matter because they’re unheard whether they’re shrieked or whispered.

Time crawls. You make the most of it.

Visitors help. You track time by the visitors that come, greedily lap up any indication of time Outside by their appearance, tracking details you’d tried to forget (it shows you care). Sapnap’s hair gets lighter in the spring. Bad’s cheerier in the summer. Tommy is fiery fury at all times of the year, bubbling hot and poisonous and angry, and you don’t blame him, but he reminds you of fall and of days gone by and he kills the cat because he thinks it will hurt you, and it does, so you drive your fist into him again and again and again and then he’s not fury and you’re not anything and you laugh and you laugh and

The Warden takes away visitors after that. He takes away your potatoes too. You laugh at that, too. You still miss your clock.

You don’t cry out for help. You know better.

Tommy’s body lies prone in your cell. You can’t avoid looking at it. You can’t avoid looking at it even when you bring him back, tugging on strings and watching him splutter and cough and shake. “I’m a God,” you laugh, always laughing, and it’s the truth, no matter what anyone wants to believe, because it has to be, doesn’t it? “I’m actually a God.”

And then Tommy leaves. And Quackity arrives. And it’s hard to laugh anymore

Not because it’s not funny. It is. You think you could die from how hilarious you find this whole situation. Quackity is colder than you’ve ever seen him, something icy making him chop and cut and slice and pull until you scream and scream and scream. But you don’t laugh. You can’t. It hurts to laugh now, it does — even when Quackity is gone and you’re alone, it hurts more than you can put into words. On the good days you breathe, staring up at the ceiling and watching obsidian drip drip drip. On the bad days, you jerk through respawn after respawn, gasping and choking and drowning on silenced laughs.

You still don’t cry out for help. It’s okay, you think, twitching, dying, it’s okay, it will get better.

Day one. Day two. Day three. Day fourfivesixse seven and eight, all blurring into one. Day nine. Day ten.

You lose track.

Day eleven. Daytwelvethirteenfourteen and everything is too bright and sharp, obsidian scraping against bloody skin, and you moan, wordless. Someone stands above you. You think it might be someone who cares.

Nineteentwentytwentyone and you’re beginning to miss days again, but you reach out for the person standing above you, blind, and they grab you, secure, tight, unyielding, pull you out of the water and leave you shivering feverish on the floor twentytwo and twenty three and twentyfourfivesixse v e n s evenseven

You’re not a God anymore, you don’t think. You’re not human, either. You wonder if you ever had been.

Eight. Twenty eight. Twenty eight.

You almost don’t survive that one.

And you come to on the twenty ninth day, drifting back to consciousness and latching onto it with frayed desperation. You are alone, for the first time in a while — or maybe you’re always alone, maybe you’ve gone mad, maybe you’re imagining all of this and you’re home safe and sound and

And you cry. There are tears slipping down your face and you let them. Pandora’s Vault devours them, devours you, and you let it, you let it tear into you and rip you apart until you’re unrecognisable.

“Help me,” you whisper. Your voice is small. Your voice isn’t yours anymore. “Please, help me, please.”

Nobody comes.

[saturnsstufff]

Also! Firstly I just wanted to say that i really like your writing and slow pace in the Empress series! Its really poggers. Secondly if you're taking request: could you maybe write something where Phil helps Techno ask out (y/n)? I just think that Phil would be such a great wingman (pun maybe intended lmao). I really like the way you write your Empress series' setting and characters so maybe you could do some sort of royal au similar to it? Not cannon to the series of course. If not then the dsmp still works :D (sorry if i sent the ask twice! My internet's shit lol) ~🌻

Awh! Your all good!!🖤 and thank you!! one Prince Techno comin up! (Im so sorry i got this out late, and that its poor, I was stumped hard on this for what to put!

My darling- Technoblade

Warnings: none

Techno was a pretty well known and loved Prince. He was elegant, kind, gentle, sarcastic, funny, talented. He was just perfect. To Techno you were perfect. You were one of the servants sure, but he didn't mind that. You had the most gentle outset he had ever seen on someone. You could just walk into a room and somehow everyone was in love with you. 

Techno had feelings for you for a awfully long time however, no matter what he did he couldn't push himself to tell you. Far to afraid of what you would say to him in response. He rather sit suffering in silence as your friend, than risk loosing you completely.

You felt the same way. Techno was always so gentle with you. always asking if you were comfortable, if you felt safe, he would even make sure that you wouldn't be over worked. You couldn't count the nights that he read you to sleep in the library. Everyone found you two utterly adorable with your hesitance towards each other, they couldn't wait for the day one of you slipped up and confessed.

Phil on the other hand? Oh, oh he found this scenario hilarious. See Phil was often the one that helped get you two alone together. Ranging from distracting advisors, governors, consorts, you name it and Phil probably has diverted them at least once. Phil would go as far to joke that he was the one that had set you and Techno up originally. 

Although Phil found this whole situation hilarious, he did feel bad for his friend. Techno was a hard worker, he often put a lot of time into his country and his people. but, sadly techno would rarely take care of himself. Now Phil wasn't setting you up with techno so you would become his care taker. Rather he knew with you around, Techno would be more conscious of himself as to not worry you. like always, Phil was right too. 

It was a off day. Techno had himself rested in one of the lounge chairs that resided in the library. Lately his feelings had become painful to hold back. Even the voices started banding together, telling him he had to confess.

Phil had to return some books so when he walked into the library and saw techno, he wouldn't have said he was suprised. "What's on your mind now?" Phil mused. Placing the books back on there specific shelf. He earned a sigh and groan from Techno. "Its (y/n) isnt it" he mused. "Mate you should just tell her. Get it over with. You know she'll like you back"

"Phil I.. I can't- she's- shes just so perfect" Techno's heart melted at the thought of you. He rested the crook of his elbow over his eyes. "I.. i dont even know how or where to ask her.." Techno started sounded almost defeated. Phil couldn't bare to watch his friend mope about anymore. He knew somthing had to be done.

Phil didn't waist time on his new plan. He was determined to see you together by the end of the night. He found you outside hanging the laundry. When you saw Phil you smiled brightly.

"Hello Philza" you said, folding a sheet in your arms. Phil leaned on the post well he watched you. Amusement lacing his lips.

"Hello, (y/n) i was talking to Techno the other day. He mentioned you quite alot" you felt your cheeks heat up as you looked to him. Hearing that he talked about you made your heart beat faster.

"H-he was? W..what did he say?" You asked, now fully invested in him more than your work.

"Oh he was just rambling off, you know how he can be. However, he uh, did mention that you were quite beautiful. Smart, funny. You know all that fun stuff" he said casually. If your heart could have did a leap it would have. The idea of Techno call you beautiful was beyond you.

You moved closer to Phil, "w..was that all he said?.." you hoped there was more than he was telling you.

Phil pondered a moment and smiled. "Well he was curious if you would meet him at the stables for a date. You know, let him take you for a ride in the country side" you were speechless, but filled with utter excitement at the idea of a date with him. "Want me to tell him you'll be there?" You nodded fast.

"Please, ill take off early to meet him there even" you said with the widest smile. This warmed Phil's heart to see how in love you were with his best friend.

"Alright' ill tell him you'll be there" Phil said smiling. His plan falling into motion. Now he had to corral the stubborn bull named Technoblade.

"You should take (y/n) for a horseback ride" Phil said upon entering his friends office. Techno's brow furrowed, causing him to look up from his papers.

"Take her for a... why?" Techno said mid confusion. Phil shrugged casually.

"Well I was just talking to (y/n) and you know she had off-hand mentioned it that she really liked fhe horse rides with you." At this statement techno blinked a bit. He pressed his lips and thought breifly.

"Well i uh.. I mean if she wants to, i'll glady take her". Techno said. Moving his few papers asside. Looking at Phil. "When does she want to leave?"

Phil hummed and looked at the clock. Mentally assuming your work schedule. "What about four-ish? Get there early for her?

Techno nodded. "Dosnt she work until five?" Techno knew your schedule mostly because he was the one that would meet you after it for casual walks.

"Normally. But she said she would take it off early to go with you" Phil wanted to keep semi to the truth. But he knew as soon as you two were alone talking, it would be over. The two of you would quickly discover that Phil was behind this.

When you waked up to the stables you smiled happily. Waiting with a horse in hand was Techno. He gave you a kind smile. Happy to see you in such a joyful mood.

"Ready to go?" He asked gently. You nodded fast, excited to spend the evening with him. He offered his hand to you. When you took it he gently pulled you close. Lifting you up onto his horse. After you were situated on the sattle he climbed on behind you. Wrapping his arm around your waist securely, wanting to assure you wouldn't fall off eather way.

You relaxed into him like you always did. Content with his company. With the nudge of his heel's you both were off on your way.

Well you two toured the country side casually. You decided to thank him for the date. Seeing as you felt it was the beginning of somthing great. "Thank you for taking me on this date Techno... It really means alot to me..." you herd techno give a 'heh?'.

"Princess I adore your company. But what on earth are you talking about?" This was your turn to be confused. You looked up at him to see if he was joking.

"Phil said you wanted to take me on a date..." your eyes grew saddened. "W...was this a lie?..." Techno's heart weighed heavier at the sight of your sad eyes.

Techno felt like he hit a wall. Does he explain he wants to take you for a date more than anything? Or keep quiet. After seeing your eyes, he knew he couldn't break your heart more.

"I... I do want to take you for a date... I've wanted a date with you more than you realize... However, I didnt ask you... Im assuming Phil actually set us up..." he said, looking away a light red. You gave a soft gentle smile.

"Hey..." you tilted his head to look down at you. "Even if he set us up... I'm glad he did" Techno looked down into your eyes. His going gentle.

"You are?..." you nodded gently. Giving a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"I got a date out of it with you"

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[relaxxattack]

wait omg what are the canon endgame wof pairings you DON'T like? 👀 no pressure of course, im just not a fan of several of them either and im interested to hear what you think :]

honestly most of them?? like idk 😭

ripnami for one is just odd to me. like i don’t dislike riptide but there’s an age difference and a like, immediate love type thing, and the romance is just sorta Boring and Annoying imo?? maybe that’s just cuz im gay though

starflights whole debacle was ATROCIOUS. like i understand why he mightve had a crush on sunny— she was like one of the only other people he knew growing up— but they were all essentially adopted siblings and she obviously felt platonically towards him? and then fatespeaker was brought in, and one part of fans hated her for replacing sunny cuz they shipped sunnyflight, another group of fans hated her for obviously being practically written AS a sunny replacement, and then the last third just fiercely loved her out of spite. so like. starspeaker is Cute, sure, but it just feels like a weird work around to the supreme awkwardness of sunnyflight.

clay and peril? ehhh. clay seems like, SO aromantic to me, so that’s one reason i dont like it, and the other is just. peril as a character always felt like she was handled weirdly. like im not sure if she was a good concept poorly executed, or a bad concept that sort of followed itself through well, but either way my feelings on her constantly go back and forth. i get that she’s probably just like, genuinely mentally ill, but i don’t think the author really represented it too well? but at the same time, i don’t think i’m one to talk on the rep of people like that. (is sociopath the right word??? i literally don’t even know). basically it bothers me how she swings from like. yandere to hilarious older sister character. i love her, but i also feel weird about her. she’s like a girboss in a bad way.

glorybringer… okay theyre really cute, it’s just their development feels a little silly to me. then again, it’s a children’s book. also there’s an age difference, although idk how much that counts for dragons??

moonbli: i hate moonbli okay. they dumped qinter— one of the Only Well Developed Ships— for moonbli. ive ranted before about how much i hate the winter-qibli-moon love triangle, but GOD it’s so bad. like— in book six, moon is fascinated by both the boys. winter treats her like shit, but she can hear that in his thoughts he actually thinks she’s incredible. qibli is nice to her, but he’s like, super sus for some reason. moon actually TELLS DS that she doesn’t like either of them, but she Must pick one because her futures say so? like UM??? (she’s aromantic but denying herself or something) meanwhile in the winter pov book he’s absolutely tortured by guilt and his abusive family, so eventually he breaks off to find moon because he feels bad for treating her bad cuz he’s in love with her. also they have some Moments together. then in qiblis book, he’s also in love with moon, but spends the entire book bonding and flirting with his roommate winter! who is no longer an asshole now that he’s broken off from his family. moon is busy hanging out with some 2000 year old guy who attempted literal genocide, but it’s okay because he’s sad. anyway after like 200 pages of flirting, winter and qibli meet up with moon again and they’re happy because they’re both in love with her or something. except winter is upset because moon is defending the guy who tried to genocide his race and is going to do it again. moon and qibli decide this makes winter the biggest asshole in the entire world, abandon him, and then defeat DS together without him. then moon decides she “chooses” qibli and moonbli becomes canon and they leave winter in some random ass town. like? WHAT THE FUCK??? and we’re supposed to enjoy the moonbli ship :|

like no fuck off and PLEASE give us aromantic moon and mlm qinter please. THERE ARE NO CANON MLM RELATIONSHIPS. and im not just saying this cuz im a gay guy, like qinter legitimately had so much good development throughout arc two and then they get dropped like a hot potato

and then finally we have… whats left, turtlejou? i could take it or leave it ig. too much weird magic stuff there. i would actually maybe prefer turtle and peril just because they’re Actually Friends and their dynamic in book 8 was cool and way less creepy then cleril.

sundew and willow? they're cute but ive seen the mean lesbian and nice lesbian trope many times and they just didn’t pull it off too well. still better then 90% of the ships here though.

SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG I HAD A LOT MORE TO SAY THEN I REALIZED…. IF THIS SOUNDS AGGRESSIVE ITS AIMED AT THE AUTHOR NOT AT YOU ANON

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

April 2021 Part 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Second Chance Ep 1 - living up to its name since it looks to be a series of redemption arcs. Launched with a college confession and a broken friendship, then a flash back to them as seniors in high school. Pairings include friends to lovers, nerd/jock, and maybe cafe boss/employee. There’s a lot going on, but it’s still... quiet and sweet. The script is pretty pat but it’s still WAY more watchable than Cupid Coach or Brothers and most of the acting is solid. Ep 1 tropes included: he’s in engineering, wound tending, fast & bicurious. This could turn into what I wanted My Gear & Your Gown to be. Fingers crossed. 

Love Poison 2 Ep 1 & 2 turns out I did watch and report on season 1 (8 eps), season 2 seems equally unmemorable. Thai countryside setting, strong dialect, incomprehensible plot, camp side characters, and ghastly singing. 

Y-Destiny Ep 1 (eng subs?) - opened with the sports romance enemies to lovers (they aren’t going in the teaser order). When the couple got over fighting, the flirting was v cute, but the flipping SPONGE BATH trope had to rear its ugly head. Still, this series is shaping up to be less coy and more frank than most BL, better than expected. It feels, I don’t know, gay-er or something?  *** Sources were correct that each couple is getting (at least) 2 eps, and MDL has been updated to say this is a 15 episode series (not 7). 

Cupid Coach 12 fin - The new Nite was great and should have been a main all along. It felt like we got a tiny nugget of what could have been in about 10 minutes worth of this last ep. It was way too slow with terrible editing and a criminally bad script, but at least it ended happy. Mostly, like Friend Forever, I’m just disappointed that these two actors were done dirty by the series. Bad Cupid Coach, no screen caps for you. 

Lovely Writer Ep 6 - breaking news, there’s a het couple I like: toppy bi femme + soft boi = such a good pairing! I know, but this NEVER happens. Meanwhile, Sib’s secret is out, Gene is a bit of a drama queen, and the plot thickens. We half way through.  

Brothers Ep 9 - Kaow had a serious moment of advice giving that was truly lovely. Lots of family dama made this a superior episode to... well... any of the others in this series. Which isn’t saying much. 

1000 Stars Ep 10 fin - at the start this series didn’t grab me the way GMMTV’s last BL, Tonhon Chonlatee, did. But boy did it end 1000x better. Might have given us 2021′s best forehead kiss. I enjoyed the ultra romantic cliff-top reunion kiss, and I LOVED the stinger flirting scene. That was an absolute gift we had no right to expect. This drama is a poster child for finishing on a high note (always focus on that dessert course). Final thoughts? This was FAR more a classic romance than it was BL. There were some BL tropes used but not many and most of them originated in the romance genre not yaoi. A picture perfect ending bumped 1000 Stars much higher up my best-of list than expected. Not sure how often I’ll rewatch it as a whole, but this last episode? I’m probably rewatching it right now. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 3 fin - I guess that’s it? Okaaaaay  

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 3 (AKA Ep 5-6) - we got actual legit gay culture not just BL (always appreciated) from XingSi. I’m starting to find LiCheng’s “show them we fucking” hijinks hilarious rather than annoying (not sure why, maybe I just love a rubber chicken, or maybe it was the STUFFED CORN WITH THE TASSEL that did it). 

-- H4 Moment of RANT --

Tropes included beach trip, there’s only one bed, cook for him, baby is a floppy drunk, carry baby to bed, and.... drunk non-con. Whoopdedoo. Here we go again. Did TharnType teach us NOTHING? (Apparently it taught us if the chemistry is good enough, I have no morals at all.) At least H4 seems to be taking us out of cheese into serious when it comes to assault. Or is it? 

I take back what I said last week about XingSi & YongJie being codependency + salvation trope, that only works if YongJie is the uke. He’s NOT. So we got us an obsessive predatory villain with a possible redemption arc. That’s more common in crime dramas, mafia romance, and epic fantasy than BL. It’s real hard to redeem a sexual predator in a reality-grounded universe like contemporary romance (See Kla in LBC1&2). 

Next week is gonna be a test of the whole damn franchise. Imma remind both me a you that this was ep 3 of 10 so we got a ways to go yet... but ooof, what have we wrought, BL? (I ended up doing a whole post about the stepbrother trope because of this sub plot.) Taiwan is killing me.

-- RANT ended --

Word of Honor (China) Ep 19-21 - over half way point so we got ALL the back story (in a classic 4 act story structure midway reveal). Now we know who WKX really is and his lineage. We also got some cute hugs and hand holds. Moving along at a nice clip despite being 36 eps total. Still gayest thing to come out of we-not-gay China since Advance Bravely. 

Most Peaceful Place (Vietnam) Ep 2 - takes them a while to get eng subs together and ep 2 didn’t drop until late. So I’m putting this in a Thurs time slot going forward. Miscommunication already cleared up and a 2nd couple has been introduced. The pacing on these Vietnamese BLs is always a bit... off. But it’s still better than most of its ilk, enjoyable. I’m thinking it’s a 6 ep arc. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 5 - after the initial drama DRAMA of ep 2, the current external crisis at work is much quieter, giving this whole season a top heavy feel. Taken along side the first season, I think it’s fitting nicely into a 4 act structure, but that might be my bias. I hope I’m not wrong, we’ll find out next week. Shi De puttering about being domestic with Shu Yi on his back was the best execution of the piggyback trope EVER. Meanwhile, our little D/s side couple of codependency, salvation trope + mental illness is becoming weirdly appealing. I don’t know. H4 done mess with my head. 

Stand Alones 

Absolute BL AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko  (Japan) Ep 1-4 mini series. Found subs under A Man Who Defies The World of BL. IT’S HILARIOUS. It’s Japan making fun of us, but also itself for having started this whole BL nonsense - from yaoi roots to present day. It’s parody goddamn gold. Utterly cheeky unto the very last line. We are not worthy. 

Apparently the most powerful tropes of all time are: baby is a floppy drunk and the piggyback fo nobility. Oh and chocolate. {Full review here.} 

Honestly, this show may have been made with only @heretherebedork and I in mind. I don’t know if you’d even understand half of it if you don’t have a history with the manga source genre and an obsessive interest in underlying narrative devices. I haven’t seen much chatter in the blog’o’sphere on this one because, in the end, it’s not a romance at all, it’s social commentary. 

The ending line was a masterclass in lampooning a genre. I’m going to rewatch the whole thing just to catch all the digs I missed first time around. It is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. 

Thank you Japan. I forgive you all your hair-styling sins of the last decade. 

Breaking News 

Spring Line Up:

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) April 15th 

Close Friend the series (Thai trailer) April 22. 

2gether the movie (Thai trailer) April 22 to Thai theaters.

Nitiman (Thai) May 7 on One31.

I Told Sunset About You 2 (Thai) May 27 on LineTV

Ossan’s Love (Hong Kong) June to Viu 

Gossip 

Bad Buddies released its first promo op via Arm Share, which means GMMTV is at least *thinking* about filming it. 

Fun behind the scenes gossip sesh with eng subs for Tell the World I Love You (that Perth Bas movie we are maybe getting someday but will likely be sad). 

New Thai BL Bite Me (adapted from novel Grab a Bite) dropped a teaser. It stars Mark Siwat (Kla in LBC) as uke character Ake, a delivery boy with special foodie powers, and chef Eua (seme played by Zung Kidakorn) who discovers him. It’s from the same author as Manner of Death so we might even get some actual plot. Since it’s an established BL actor who I happen LOVE, a known author, and a plot about FOOD, I could not me more excited for this one. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons. Some are dropping multiples at a time but just started so I’m not sure on numbering. 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[jayoctodot]

The Silent Patient vs The Maidens

I will start by saying that I understand the appeal of these novels as page-turners. They are easy to read and if you want a twisty reveal at the end, you will probably be entertained and satisfied. That being said, I am SO CONFUSED by the near-universal adoration of The Silent Patient and the reasonably positive reception of The Maidens. The weaknesses of the two are strikingly similar, as well, which doesn’t give me much hope of seeing improvement from this guy, though I am intrigued to see whether he keeps repeating the same (apparently successful!!) patterns. These books were at least super fun to hate.

(For context, I read The Maidens for a bookclub I'm in, because several of the members had read and loved The Silent Patient, and one of them gave me a copy of the latter to read on my own time. I loathed The Maidens and then read The SP for comparative purposes. And because I'm a masochist, apparently.)

SPOILER WARNING! Do not read on unless you've finished both books (or unless you care not for spoilers). Sorry if it gets a bit shouty.

Here are the similar weaknesses I noticed in both:

PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGY

-> Weirdly similar “group therapy” scenes early on where a cartoonishly unstable patient arrives late, disrupts the meeting by throwing something into the middle of the circle, and is asked to join the group after the therapist(s) speechify on the importance of boundaries (HA! None of these therapists would know an appropriate boundary if it kicked them in the ass) and debate whether to “allow” the patient to join. Both scenes are so transparent in their design to establish the credibility/legitimacy of the narrators as therapists, but instead both Theo and Mariana come off as super patronizing. The protagonists are less and less believable as therapists at the stories progress (though at least Theo’s incompetence is explained away by the “twist” at the end; Mariana, on the other hand, is confronted in the opening pages of the novel by a patient who has self-harmed PRETTY extensively, and rather than ensure he get proper medical attention, she essentially throws him a first aid kit and tosses him out the door so she can pour herself a glass of wine and call her niece... and it devolves from there).

-> Ongoing insistence throughout the narrative that one’s childhood trauma entirely explains the warped/dysfunctional way a character behaves or views the world, which is why the books go out of their way to give EVERY potentially violent character a traumatic childhood; when Theo insists that no one ever became an abuser who hadn’t been abused themselves, I wanted to throw the book across the room. (That is a MYTH, SIR. GET OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR ARMCHAIR PSYCHOLOGY.)

-> Female murderers whose pathology boils down to “history of depression” and “traumatized by a male loved one/family member.” Because, as we all know, depression + abuse = murderer!

-> The “therapy” depicted in both books is laughable and so so unrealistic, mostly because neither narrators function as therapists so much as incompetent detectives, obsessively pursuing a case they have no place pursuing (or skill to pursue - both just happen across every clue mostly by way of clunky conversation with all the people who can provide precisely the snippet of info to send them along to the next person, and the next… until all is revealed in a tired, cliched “twist”). Their constant Psych 101 asides were so tiresome and weirdly dated (also, the constant harping on countertransference got so ridiculous that at one point during "therapy" Theo literally attributes his headache and a particular emotion he feels to Alicia, as though the contents of her head are being broadcast directly into his mind... and I'm PRETTY SURE that's not how it works???)

CHARACTERS

-> Psychotherapist narrators with abusive fathers and pretensions of being Sherlock Holmes, which results in both characters crossing ALL KINDS of ethical lines as they invade the personal lives of everyone even tangentially connected to their cases (and, in Theo's case, violate all kinds of patient confidentiality. Yeah, yeah, by the end, that's the least of his offenses, but before you get there, it's baffling that NO ONE is calling him out on this).

-> All female characters are either elderly with hilariously bad advice, monstrous hulking brutes, or beautiful bitches (except for ~MARIANA~, who is Bella Swan-esque in her unawareness of her own attractiveness, despite multiple men trying to get with her almost immediately after meeting her. I'm so tired of beautiful female characters being oblivious to their own hotness. Are we meant to believe all mirrors and male attention have escaped their notice? If it’s to make them “relatable,” this tactic really fails with me).

-> All characters of color are shallow, cartoonish side characters, and most of them are depicted as unsympathetic minor antagonists (the Sikh Chief Inspector in The Maidens continuously drinks tea from an ever-present thermos, and his only other notable characteristic is his instant dislike of Mariana, whom he VERY RIGHTLY warns to stay out of the investigation that she is VERY MUCH compromising… the Caribbean manager of the Grove is universally disliked by her staff for enforcing stricter safety regulations at the bafflingly poorly run mental institution, because HOW DARE SHE. There's a very clear vibe that we're supposed to dislike these characters and share the protagonists' indignation, but honestly Sangha/Stephanie were completely in the right for trying to shut down their wildly inappropriate investigations).

-> "Working class" characters (or basically anyone excluded from the comfortably upper-crust, educated main cadre of characters) are few and far between in both stories, but when they show up, he depicts them as such caricatures. We got Elsie the pathologically lying housekeeper in the Maidens, who is enticed to share her bullshit with cake, and then a TOOTHLESS LEPRECHAUN DEALING DRUGS UNDER A BRIDGE in the SP. I kid you not, a man described as having the body of a child, the face of Father Time, and no front teeth, emerges from beneath a bridge and offers to sell Theo some "grass." I was dyinggg.

-> There are no characters to root for. Anywhere. Partly because they’re all so thinly drawn — and because we’re clearly supposed to view almost ALL of them as potential suspects, so they’re ALL weird, creepy, or incompetent in some way.

-> The flimsiest of flimsy motives, both for the narrators and the murderers. Theo fully would have gotten away with his involvement in the murder if he hadn't gone out of his way to work at the Grove and "treat" Alicia and his justification for doing so is pretty weak; his rapid descent into stalking and murder fantasy and his random ass decision to "expose" Alicia's husband as a cheater with a spur-of-the-moment home invasion and staged attempted homicide is ONLY justified if the reader hand waves it away as WELP, HE'S CRAZY, I GUESS (after all, he DID have an abusive father and a history of mental illness, and in Michaelides novels, that's ALL YOU NEED to become a violent psycho). I guess we're lucky Mariana didn't also start dropping bodies (because the logic of his fictional universe says she should definitely be a murderer by now... maybe that'll be his Maidens sequel?). But she especially had NO reason to randomly turn detective - and she kept trying to justify it by saying she needed to re-enter the world or that Sebastian would want her to (??), even though she had no background in criminal psychology... or even a particular fondness for mysteries (really, I would've accepted ANYTHING to explain her dogged obsession with the case. WHY were Sebastian and Zoe so certain she would insert herself into the investigation just because one of Zoe's friends was the first victim? WHY?). As for Zoe and Alicia, their motives are mere suggestions: they were both abused and manipulated, and voila! Slippery slope to murder.

WRITING STYLE

-> Incessant allusions to Greek tragedy and myth, apparently to provide a sophisticated gloss over the bare-bones writing style, which opts more for telling than showing and frequently indulges in hilariously bizarre analogies. Credit where credit is due — the references to Greek myth are less clunky in the SP, and I liked learning about the Alcestis play/myth, which I hadn’t heard of before - but OMG the entire characterization of Fosca, who we are meant to believe is a professor of Greek tragedy at one of the most respected universities on the planet, is just absurd. His "lecture" on the liminal in Greek tragedy is essentially the Wikipedia page on the Eleusinian Mysteries capped off with some Hallmark-card carpe diem crap. The lecture hall responds with raucous applause, clearly never having heard such vague genius bullshit before.

-> Super clunky and amateurish narrative device of interludes written by another character; Sebastian’s letter reads like a mashup of Dexter monologues and Clarice’s memory of the screaming sheep, but by FAR the worse offender is Alicia’s diary, where we’re supposed to believe she painstakingly recorded ENTIRE CONVERSATIONS, BEAT-BY-BEAT DIALOGUE, even when she’s just been DRUGGED TO THE GILLS with morphine and has mere moments of consciousness left… and even before that, she literally takes the time to write “He's trying the windows and doors! ...Someone’s inside! Someone’s inside the house! ETC ETC” when she thinks her stalker has broken in downstairs. WHO DOES THAT?)

-> Speaking of dialogue, the dialogue is so bad. Based on his bio, Michaelides got a degree in screenwriting, which makes his terrible dialogue even more baffling.

-> HILARIOUSLY rendered voyeur scenes where the narrators spy on couples having sex. Such unintentionally awkward descriptions. First we had Kathy’s climax sounds through the trees and then the bowler hat carefully placed on a tombstone before the gatekeeper plows a student. Again, I died.

PLOT/"TWIST"

-> The CONSTANT red herrings make for such an exhausting read. Michaelides drops anvils with almost every character that are so obviously meant to designate them as suspects in our minds. There is absolutely no subtlety in his misdirections.

-> The “crossover” scene between the SP and The Maidens makes no sense - when in the timeline does Mariana’s story overlap with Theo’s? They confer just before Theo starts working at the Grove, obviously (though Mariana appears to be the one who alerts Theo to the job opening there? Whereas in the SP, Theo has been obsessively tracking Alicia since the murder and had already planned to apply to work there?), but then are we supposed to believe that while Theo has been psychotically pursuing his warped quest to “help” Alicia, he’s also been diligently treating Zoe, so invested in her case that he repeatedly reaches out to Mariana to get her to visit Zoe and even writes Mariana a lengthy letter to convince her to do so??? And then a couple days after The Maidens ends, Theo is arrested???

-> But the thing I really did hate the most is how Michaelides treats his female murderers (who are both also victims themselves) as mere means to deploy a “twist”; there’s no moment spared to encourage our sympathy for Zoe, who was groomed and manipulated by the only trusted father figure in her life, and even after spending a decent amount of time getting to know Alicia via her ridiculous diary, where it’s so apparent that she’s been demeaned, objectified, manipulated, gaslit, and/or used by EVERY man in her life, she’s sent packing to spend the rest of her days in a coma… HOW much more satisfying would it have been for her to succeed in exposing Theo and reclaiming her voice? But no, she basically rolls over when he comes to finish her off (SPEAKING OF — ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THERE ARE NO SECURITY CAMERAS IN THIS INSTITUTE FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE????), writes one last diary entry, and drifts off forever. And then a couple pages of nothing later, the story is over. GOODNIGHT, ALICIA!

Both books kept me rolling throughout (by which I mean eye-rolling but also rotfl). Maybe I will check out his next effort — I’m morbidly curious what he’ll turn out. It does leave me wondering whether I should give up on thriller novels entirely, though. Are many of the weaknesses of these novels just characteristic of the genre? Maybe I'm just holding these books to unfair standards? I'm mostly only familiar with thriller films — many of which I think are amazing — but maybe you can get away with more in a film than you can in a novel.

...I really only intended to write a handful of bullet points, but more and more kept coming to mind as I wrote, to the point where subheadings became necessary. Whoopsie.

[r--at]

Can you do 18 with Gen z humor 🛀🔥

18: MC with gen z humor

Warnings: Cussing, some dark humor

Lucifer

He would be so annoyed at first.

Would be shook if you talked back to him.

Lucifer: MC...Mammon I swear if you two don't stop I'll-

MC: Bitch I hope the fuck you do, you'd be a damn ass son of a bitch if you tried

Lucifer: . . .

Mammon: . . . Yeah- what they said.

He is just in pure shock because of the amount of audacity one person can hold.

He is going to be so concerned about how many depressing jokes they make.

Super confused and definitely wonders if this is normal fo humans to find this kind of stuff funny.

Some comebacks he may find humorous, he just won't let you feel the power of seeing him amused.

Sometimes he has to power walk back to his room to hold back from laughing.

Mammon

He is also confused and freaked out with all the things they find funny.

He is terrified of them at first with all the things they laugh at, and he's like: did they just laugh when that child fell?

Though the thing that brings him closer to you is probably going to be the fact that not only are you brave enough to talk back to anybody, your talking back is also hilarious.

He'd turn into even more of a headache if your humor rubbed off on him.

Random demon: That's why you're broke, maybe if you learned how to save your mone-

Mammon:

MC: That's why yo mama dead, dead as hell, what money does she have huh? What money does she have in her casket? That's why yo granny ain't got no knees, she can't pray to jesus bitch.

Mammon bullying is not tolerated over here.

Oh you thought he was clingy? Well now you have the sin of greed clinging to your legs whenever he gets into trouble.

Leviathan

Yes yes yes

Someone that shares at least, close enough, his own humor.

Meme spamming, just randomly throughout the day you'll just spam eachother with memes.

Joke about each others mental illnesses together, perfect bonding time.

I can see you two yelling that yeet skrt song.

Levi:Yeet

MC:Yeet skrt

Levi:Yeet Yeet

MC:Skrt

Levi:Skrt skrt

MC:Roll up

Levi:Yeet

MC:Drop that

Levi:Yeet

MC:Skrt that

Levi:Pop that

MC:Aye Aye

Levi:Aye Aye

MC: You never loved me mom, but I needed you ~woah~

Satan

Definitely thinks you are a headache at first.

Would start to like you after seeing you talk back to Lucifer.

Would definitely invite you to prank Lucifer.

Your bonding time consists of roasting Lucifer or just random demons you dont like.

Satan: *calling Lucifer*

MC:

Lucifer: Yes?

Satan: *nods to MC*

MC: This is for Lucifer, you big fat, white nasty, smelling fat bitch

Why you took me off the motherfuking schedule with your trifling dirty white racist ass big fat bitch

And maluma body ass bitch.

Asmodeus

This is fine. This is fine. Did you just laugh after running into that door and getting a bloody nose?

Asmo....You just....Concern him.

But he will still hang around you because, bad bitch energy.

Will hype you up if you are arguing with a random demon again.

MC: You can't kill me, I'm a bad bitch.

Lucifer:

Asmo: Yes queen!

The jokes about trauma and darker, depressing stuff however, he is just kinda awkwardly laughing to play along because he doesn't know what to do.

Beelzebub

After every single bad or depressing joke you make about yourself, you will recieve a hug. You can't refuse.

Highly concerned about why you are laughing at such weird things...didn't you nearly fall down the stairs a second ago?

Will definitely watch over you like you are a child, to make sure you dont hurt yourself.

No offing yourself jokes tolerated in this facility.

MC: Y'know if I ate 480 bananas I wouldn't have to worry about doing my homework.

Beel: ..Why's that?

MC: I'd be dead.

Beel: Don't you do it.

And that's why the House of Lamentation ran out of bananas, and why Beel will no longer let you near them.

Belphegor

Just don't exsist too loudly, he has to get his hundreds of depression naps in.

Wouldn't mind you at first, unless he heard you laughing too loud.

10/10 Would drag you into some prank involving Lucifer as the victim.

Would probably joke about murder or mental illnesses with you.

But don't worry he wouldn't actually murder you. Or well, he wouldn't again.

MC: Hey Lucifer, what's red and bad for your teeth?

Lucifer: *sigh*

Lucifer: What?

MC: A brick.

Belphie: This is a threat.

Belphie will make sure you two leave Lucifer with an even worse headache than before.

Diavolo

This is okay, this is fine, this is normal, wait- was that supposed to be funny?

So confused.

Never knew humans could find such odd things so humorous.

Bad bitch? What's that? Definitely ended up asking Lucifer or Barbatos about it.

What in the chaotic energy is this.

Diavolo: And then they laughed...

Barbatos: MC laughed after having a breakdown about her grades?

Barbatos: That's not that bad.

Diavolo: I think I heard her say she wanted to kill herself...and then laughed again...

Barbatos:. . . Oh

Barbatos

Keep a straight face. Keep a straight face.

It's just some of the things you say make him internally die of laughter, not like you could tell.

He is slightly concerned when you start banging your head against the desk, or the wall, when you recieve your test grades back.

Solomon: You are so easy to piss off

MC: And you're so easy to make insecure, wait until I tell you about your big ass of a-

Barbatos:

Barbatos: *Internally wheezing*

On the outside he doesn't have much to any reaction to anything you say, but sometimes on the inside he is trying so hard to keep himself from laughing.

Solomon

He understands your humor...but sometimes its just... its...so random.

He's kinda just like wondering if he should get you to a therapist when you go back.

Asmo: And then he told me that pink just didn't fit me. Can you believe that!?

Solomon: Well-

MC: The lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch.

How have you not died? Just how.

With how much he see's you going off on people its just a wonder.

Simeon

This isn't funny MC-

Making fun of yourself is not okay.

Super confused on how you find literally any of this funny.

MC, you can do better, go read the bible, your humor needs it.

MC: look at this bitch. So gross. How do you live with yourself. Your life is a mess. Go see a therapist. You need some antidepressants or something!?

Simeon: Um..MC...That's your reflection.

MC: Chile anyways-

Hey, hey, hey no offing yourself jokes MC, this isn't funny, this isn't okay, no. No. No. Stop it.

Probably contemplates taking you to church at least five times a day.

Luke

Why're you laughing.

Please stop. This isn't funny MC.

Never watches horror movies with you. Ever.

MC this isn't supposed to be funny- why're you laughing after someone told you to burn in hell?

So concerned, scared, and confused.

Luke: MC- this isn't supposed to be funny?

Luke: Why are we watching this?

MC: Did you- *wheeze* Did you see the way that bitch just tripped while trying to run away?

No more horror movies, and no more unsolved murder documentaries for you MC.