#will we ever be free from this technological hell of our own making

[coffeeinthelibrary]

the whole “society is addicted to screens” trope is kinda overdone, HOWEVER my phone broke today and i couldn’t use it for seven (7) hours and was more productive in those seven hours than i have been for my entire life - i finished reading a book i’ve been putting off, i got some revision done, i went on a walk. and then i got my phone back and IMMEDIATELY went onto instagram and wasted an hour scrolling through my feed we truly are the most blessed and cursed generation

[nineevees]

general thoughts on the wk “our blue and green world” special (for funsies)

they had me in the beginning, by the end they completely lost me tho lolol

!! SPOILER WARNING FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN’T SEEN THE EPISODE YET !!

things i liked:

the intro was!! very good!! loved how they started in space and then gradually zoomed into earth, that was really fun :D

always excited to see how the background of the final shot changes in these specials !!

right away i am so glad they finally color corrected everything i couldn’t stand how bright everything was in season 6 T_T

chris being able to just effortlessly fold his t-shirts into a stack made me laugh lol

i don’t care if anyone says the song sounded flat as hell. the disbelief i had when it first came on. “what is this music what is goin- IS THIS A SONG??” the pure, unadulterated joy i experienced from it. it may be cringe but it has set me free.

idk. i’m just glad to see all these characters back after the hiatus :D

the resplendent quetzal is!! so cool!! so pretty!! i’d love an episode just dedicated to it

saw someone say this already but common aviva W for inventing two creature power discs at once !! it’s her world we are simply all living in it

BLUE WHALES ARE AS BIG AS TWO BRONTOSAURUSES?? waow

i think ever since i’ve gotten past the age of. elementary school. martin’s nicknames for animals have been kind of hit-or-miss for me? (though it might just depend on who’s writing the script i dunno) but i liked kablooey!! (kabluey?) it’s a very cute name :D

zach remembered that he has hacker bots he can use (which are. arguably his best invention?? i’m pretty sure?? i get why they don’t use them every single time zach shows up bc that would get old quickly but it establishes that despite being a whiny man-child who couldn’t tell a walrus from a wombat or a wallaby, he can still be a threat to the wk team)

indri lemur my beloved 🫶🫶

and everyone’s been talking about that so um. let me throw my hat into the ring then.

i can see the intention behind trying to redeem paisley, but it just. doesn’t really match with what’s been established by her character?

the entire special hit me with subsequent punches of “wow this is a kid’s show and i am NOT the target demographic” when they were talking about the water cycle and explaining global warming. so it makes sense, in a sort of wish-fulfillment kind of way that they’d try and redeem the villain whose goal is arguably the most realistic out of the main four.

zach’s main gimmick is using wild animals for his own technology. donita uses wild animals for fashion. gourmand cooks and eats wild animals. yes, the latter two can and do happen in real life (not… really sure about zach’s but that’s not the point). but paisley’s gimmick was never about harming animals, but destroying the environment they live in, in order to build things for humans instead. she’s the kind of person who you’d most likely encounter in real life. redeeming paisley has nothing to do with her character (a businesswoman who finds nature “yucky” as seen in the spirit bear and Asian elephant episodes), instead her general gimmick. wouldn’t it be nice if we could get the people destroying animals’ homes to truly see how beautiful nature can be? so much so that they stop trying to destroy it and instead attempt to help preserve it?

(this is just a personal nitpick but paisley’s new design absolutely is NOT working for me srry)

after i watched the special i had some ideas abt how it potentially could have gone instead?:

don’t redeem paisley at all: again, i get the general idea of why they did this but also. it doesn’t?? line up with her character at all?? the way she was acting in the beginning was fine and perfectly in character for her. she just wants nature out of the way in order to complete her plans, and she has no time for zach being overly concerned with the wild kratts. you could argue that her knowing that dolphins and whales weren’t fish but mammals was foreshadowing to her redemption, but like… paisley’s not dumb?? donita has also corrected zach on not knowing his animals in the past so unless you’re also going to argue for a possible donita redemption in the future then. yeah. i dunno. the other villains didn’t need a redemption to make the special they were in interesting, i don’t see how this one should be any different.

another redemption fake-out, but do it much earlier in the story: i have. my own gripes about how the plot of this special went but we’ll save that for later. have paisley initially be dismissive of the wild kratts’s presence, but once she learns that the kratt brothers are arguing and that aviva, koki, and jimmy are spending all of their time trying to get them to make up, pounce on that opportunity. have her go all over-the-top (like she did in her canon redemption) and trick the wild kratts into thinking she’s turned good, only for her to turn on them in the second half. this might be too similar to “a creature christmas” though. this one would take up more of the plot if that’s any consolation?

give a hint to a paisley redemption arc, but don’t make her do a complete 180 right away: if they’re adamant on redeeming paisley (again, i see the general idea behind this gimmick-wise), then they could still do it and make it fit with her character. remember that paisley’s intentions are not to harm animals, but their environment (which is not any better, making that clear). she can still have her awed-by-coral moment, but maybe. tone it down?? she can have second thoughts about going with the plan, but have zach or rex* encourage her to continue. she steels her resolve, but remembers the coral, and hesitates. and the kratt brothers use that last-minute hesitation to defeat zach’s zachbots and paisley’s pavers. have paisley question why she couldn’t go through with it as she and zach leave madagascar. you could have aviva or one of the other wild kratts theorize that paisley has started to have a change of heart after seeing what nature is capable of, if left to thrive. but again: don’t redeem her right away. hint at it, and then explore it whenever she appears as the main antagonist in an episode of season 7.

*i’m admittedly not caught up on all of wk, but like. did paisley fire rex or something. WHERE WAS HE THIS ENTIRE SPECIAL??

as for the plot point of the kratt brothers fighting… yeah that definitely could have gone better.

(again, minor nitpick but jimmy saying that this was the first time he’s seen the brothers fight,, then implied that it happened every single laundry day,, but also he’s definitely seen them fight before? or had disagreements at least?? isn’t that the premise of at least two different episodes not counting this special. this script is also Not My Favorite. not sure how to explain it but some of the dialogue seems a little awkward?)

ik that the brothers get into danger 24/7 but i feel like. martin should be a little bit concerned that chris was getting squeezed to death by a green anaconda?? like you don’t have to make him overtly worried to the point of apologizing, but you could at least. make him look at chris with concern? i get that the point is that “oh no the brothers are fighting so they won’t help each other when one’s in danger” but. martin your brother is dying STOP SMILING NONCHALANTLY.

the resolution between the brothers was. kind of rushed? all it took was chris complimenting martin (“nice one, bro!”) and then activating some creature powers and then everything was fine. is. is that all it took?

if you liked it then that’s 100% fine !! i’m glad you enjoyed it :D it just wasn’t for me

just my personal preference but i think i would have preferred it if we spent more time with the brothers solo (martin at sea and chris in the rainforest) and have them come to their realizations that the planet needs both blues and greens to thrive separately. like martin sees the planktonic soup and acknowledges that the creatures who live in the ocean need a little green to survive. or chris sees how important rivers are in the amazon and remembers how the rivers will eventually flow into the ocean. and both of the brothers remember their adventures with each other (or aviva, koki, and jimmy remind them). they can still be stubborn and not forgive each other, but i’d like them to at least like. acknowledge each other’s pov and respect it.

or: do something with aviva trying to program two creature power suits at once (the brothers are both in madagascar at this point). like, what if there was a creature power suit malfunction where martin is a blue whale at first, but then turns into an indri. and chris starts our as an indri but then his suit malfunctions and he becomes a blue whale. the bros swap places, with martin going on land and chris going to sea, and then they realize that the other had a point - the land is home to so many wonderful creatures and so are the oceans. and how both are connected and make the earth their home. boom, reconciliation.

also another personal preference thing, i really wish they spent more time with kablooey/kabluey and mambiky (?). i’m here for cool creatures and i wanna see more of the cool creatures !! is that so much to ask for !!

also also. i think the indri-conda was born bc someone saw the pun potential and to that i say. no comment.

i still have. a lot of thoughts but i think i’ll just leave it there for now. ik i criticized it a lot but i did genuinely enjoy the special :D i’m happy to have the brothers back from hiatus and can’t wait to watch the other episodes !!

[youre-amazing-say-it]

Let’s Have Fun

Summary: You and Peter break into Tony’s Liquor Cabinet and have fun!

Warnings: Alcohol Consumption, Underage Drinking (don’t do it), Swearing, Vomit, High School Musical

“Are you sure about this?” I asked, looking at the brown-haired boy next to me. 

“It’s too late to go back now, we’re in too deep,” he said, taking a breath.

“Okay, let’s do it.” I reached out my fist and he fist-bumped me back before turning our attention to the locked cabinet in front of us. 

You put the screwdriver into the screws surrounding the locks on Tony’s liquor cabinet. You and Peter were alone in the compound for the weekend, the avengers were gone on what they called “an adult mission” which means there was a possibility there was unsafe material or some extreme stuff. And they were just having your “best interest in mind”.

You had your own best interest in mind as well as the lock dropped from the cabinet. You two were the only minors and didn’t have anyone else to lean on except each other when it came to saving the world and doing chemistry. You often talked about how you felt you were missing out on a lot of things in high school due to your Stark Internship.

One day, Peter and you were sitting on the roof of the compound, talking about life, when Peter brought up the best stupid idea ever.

“Have you ever had alcohol or like gone to a party?” He said, turning his head towards you.

“A couple of times, they weren’t really my thing cause I don’t have too many friends at my school. But I felt if I didn’t go, I would regret it” you said, looking at the sky in the distance.

“Did you? Regret it?” He asked. “I regret not getting drunk enough to forget the night” you responded with a laugh. It was quiet for a bit before the spider boy spoke up.

“Have you ever been drunk before?” he asked while looking at the sky.

“No, you?” You asked, looking at him. “Couple of times with friends, like MJ and Ned at someone’s party. It’s fun. Makes me feel normal and kinda free.” he said, hearing a bit of relief coming off his chest as he said that. 

“Like you are just a teenager who makes mistakes, and not a superhero who people look up to,” you responded.

“Exactly,” he said as you heard your phone beep. A message saying ‘adult trip this weekend. You and Pete are on watch duty. Don’t be stupid.’

“For fuck sake.” you groaned, getting up into a seated position. 

“What? Another ‘adult’ mission?” the boy asked.

“You got that right. We are on watch duty, again.” you put the phone on the ground as you let out a groan. “God I just want to fuckin life. But I can’t do anything because of Iron Dad controlling my life” referring to the nickname you have Tony. Peter looked at you as an idea popped into his head.  “Who said you have to leave to have fun?” you looked at your friend with a confused face. 

“Peter Parker, what is going on in your head?” you asked. You and Peter usually did crazy stuff together and always caused trouble. but with the conversation you two just had, You were nervous about what he had in mind. 

“Well, you and I are alone at the compound this weekend. So why don’t we get into Tony’s cabinet and have some fun?” he asked.

“ARE YOU INSANE? we can’t do that.” You stood up from your spot as you said that.

“Why not? The two of us are smarter and more technologically advanced than the majority of the Avengers,” he said as he slowly stood up as well. You thought this over in your head. You had the 

“Okay, let’s say we do it. How? What’s the plan?”

“Well, you are better with tools and I’m better at technology. So I’ll hack into F.R.I.D.A.Y, have her say that we are doing well, and play the video of us watching that movie from a couple of weeks ago. And you figure out a way to get the lock off of the Liquor cabinet.” You looked at your friend in amazement. 

“That’s not too bad Spidey boy, I think we might be able to pull it off.” 

“So, you wanna do it?” he asked. There was no doubt in your mind. 

“Hell yeah. You only live once, so let's have some fun!” 

That conversation led to where you are now. You and Peter stand in front of the liquor cabinet and look at the holy grail collection of liquid gold. “Now what?” you asked the spider boy.

“Well,” he said as he took the Vodka and Tequila out of the cabinet. “We usually start with a stupid drinking game. Do you know any? And grab some lemons and lime from the fridge and cut them up” he asked as he moved towards the island in the kitchen. He sat down the bottles and went to get some cups and shot glasses. 

“Promise not to judge?” you asked as you started cutting the fruit. “Y/n, we are way past the judging point.” you saw him grab the salt from the cabinet as well. 

“I found this High school musical drinking game and I always wanted to play it.” you blurted out. He looked at you and you couldn't tell if it was excitement or a ‘wtf were you thinking’ face. 

“THERE'S A HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL DRINKING GAME? AND YOU ARE TELLING ME NOW?!?!!” 

“We haven’t even discussed drinking until a couple days ago!” you argued back at him. You finished the fruit and grabbed a bowl for each to put them in. 

“That honestly might be the best invention that anyone came up with” He started to pour some of the tequila into some of the shot glasses. You grabbed some pop out of the fridge as chasers for the two of you as well. 

“So you in?” you asked, looking at your friend.

“Let's get our heads in the game!” Peter said with the goofiest grin on his face. You rolled your eyes at him. “Okay, let me pull up the rules,” you said as you grabbed your phone out of your back pocket. 

Okay, you do that, but first,” he places down a shot in front of you and hands you a lime, “SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT!” he said as he jumped up and down. You looked at the glass in front of you then back to your friend. 

“Oh god, we’re really doing this aren't we?” 

“Hell yeah,” he raised his shot glass “to making mistakes,” he exclaimed. “And living our lives”. You clicked, tapped the glass to the counter, and downed it. You put the lime in your mouth immediately after. “So, how did you like it?”

“Not too bad, better than I thought. The lime helped a lot” you said as you felt the burn in your throat. “Happy to hear. Want a Dirty Shirley for the movie? Then I’ll grab the shot glasses and tequila.” he asked as he got some grenadine out from the cabinet. 

“Sounds good” You went ahead into the common room to set up the movie, and get ready for the night. ‘This won’t be too bad, it will be fun’ you thought in your head.

TIME JUMP

You were right. This was the best decision you ever made.

You and Peter were about Halfway through High School Musical 2 at this point. You of course are doing all the dance numbers. But you gave up on the drinking game halfway through the First movie as you two got pretty drunk really early on.

“Hey y/nnn” you heard Peter call from his couch, “the best song is about to start!” He said pointing to the TV. He wasn’t wrong. Troy and Gabriella's big breakup song ‘Gotta Go my Own Way’ was about to start.

“OMG OMG! Ok, I’ll be gabby you Troy?” You said voice slurred from the alcohol.

“Oh course bestie,” Peter said as you both got up from your respective places on the couch “But one final Shot before we go in,” he said, losing his balance a bit.

“In honor of Troy and Gabriella, the best relationship to ever live.” You said as you cheered your glasses together. You each had a glass of Soda/pop as your chaser that you downed before you went to your respective places in the room.

About halfway through singing this breakup song you started to cry.

“Hey,” Peter said, making his way towards you when he noticed you didn’t sing your part. “Why are you crying? Are you not having fun?”

“TROY AND GABRIELLA BROKE UP!” You screamed and cried at the top of your lung. The screaming sobered Peter up a bit as he sat down next to you and rubbed your back.

“Y/n, you have seen this movie hundreds of times. You know they get back together.” Peter said

“I know but it’s still so sad and they loved each other, she even had a necklace to show her love for him. AND SHE GAVE BACK THE NECKLACE.” You said and you started to hiccup a bit. You ran to the nearest trash can and threw up in there. Peter came over and held your hair as you left everything out of your system. “It’s okay Y/n. Let it out” he said as he rubbed your back.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?” You heard a voice behind you say. You turn your head slightly to see the team, which consisted of Tony, Steve, Bucky, Sam, Wanda, and Nat. Tony and Steve looked and saw the empty liquor bottles and were furious. Bucky and Sam slowly started to put things together but slowly. Nat and Wanda's protective instincts came through and rushed over to console you.

“Troy and Gabriella Broke up” you sobbed to them. They all turned their heads to Peter who was clearly drunk, but not as bad as you.

“Okay so we wanted to have fun and get drunk while you were gone cause we felt we didn’t have any fun and only did work and school and so we played high school musical drinking games and now Y/N is sad drunk and crying over Troy and Gabriella,” Peter said as fast as he could. Tony walked over to approach him. He pressed the button that removed his mask. He looked at Peter and you before standing up.

“Not it for dealing with the Drunk Teenagers!” he said as he left the room. Steve looked at the team around him. “Okay, divide and conquer. Nat and Sam, you make sure Peter goes to bed. Bucky and I got Y/n. Wanda, can you do something to make Y/n stop crying please?” He said as he pointed to each team member. Wanda came over to you and kneeled beside you. “Hey sweetie,” she said as she wiped some of the tears that were on your cheek, “I heard you are upset over the breakup.” You leaned back against the marble backing as you nodded next to the garbage can. 

“They were perfect together but Troy was an asshole and put his future in basketball over Gabriella. WHO DOES THAT TO HER? SHE SO PRETTY.” you said. The boys looked at you and tried so hard not to laugh. But Wanda sent them a very scary glare that shut them up. 

“I know honey, I know.” She said as she ran her fingers through my hair. “How about we head to bed and then watch the rest in the morning okay?” you nodded your head as you felt your eyes get heavy. You felt two arms, one of them kinda cold, lift you up and hauled you over their shoulder. “Troy, is that you?” you asked the muscular men next to you.

“No munchkin, just Steve and bucky.” he said as you got into the elevator. “oh,” you said, kinda disappointed. “Are we going to lava springs? I need to speak to troy.”

“No doll, you are drunk and heading to bed,” Bucky said as the elevator went up. “I don’t wanna.” You wined towards the super Soldiers. “I wanna go to the springs so I can see Troy.” You were tired and about to fall asleep but you had a mission to fulfill. 

You reached your floor and you all made your way into your room. Steve pulled back the covers and Bucky laid you down on your bed. You were already in your PJs earlier so there was no need for you to get changed.

“Buckyyyyy,” you said with your eyes closed. “What do you need doll?” He said as he kneeled down beside you. He pushed some hair out of your face.

“Can you come with me to beat up Troy tomorrow? I think that metal arm might help him realize how bad he fucked up.” He laughed before looking back at you. “Sure doll but I need you to do something for me before you fall asleep.” You didn’t even notice Steve go back downstairs to get you water and ibuprofen. He gives it to Bucky, and Bucky nodded thanks before Turing to you. “Can you sit up for me?” You sat up on the bed as Bucky gave you the water and put the pills in your hand.

“Just drink this and take these pills for me, please. It will help you in the morning.” You were too tired to argue so you did it as fast as your drunk body could. “There we go, good job,” Bucky said before you laid back down on the bed.

“I’m tired.” You said as your eyes closed. “Okay sweetie, get some sleep.” You heard Steve say. “Mmm kay. Night St…ucky” you slurred as you let the sleep consume you. The boys looked at you and then at each other.

“Did she just combine our names?” Bucky asked Steve. “I think she did, but she is tired so maybe she didn't even notice it,” Steve said as they exited your room. “But it does have a nice ring to it, stucky.” He said as they made their way to their respective rooms. “Okay, so we both taking care of her tomorrow?” Steve asked before opening the door to his bedroom. 

“Oh, I'm not. But you can. Goodnight Steve.” Bucky said quickly before shutting the door in his room. Steve looked at the closed door ahead of him. “Damn you Bucky,” Steve said as he closed his door. He knew he was in for a long day tomorrow.

[beardedmrbean]

Am I dreaming? The woke Left are suddenly worried about freedom of expression. The very people who have spent years calling cancel culture a myth, and dismissing the rise of censorship as some pearl-clutching moral panic, are now railing against the clampdown on dissent and protest, specifically Suella Braverman’s attempts to ban tomorrow’s “pro-Palestine” Armistice Day march. 

Owen Jones, Guardian columnist and Corbynista TV personality, has slammed what he calls the “deliberate and hysterical campaign” to ban the march. In a video, he took aim at those Right-wingers who have forgotten their supposed liberal principles where these demos are concerned: “[S]ome of those who talk about threats to free speech, cancel culture, ‘the Left are dangerous authoritarians’, they’re the ones leading the charge, trying to ban a mass, peaceful protest because they don’t like it.” 

Novara Media’s Ash Sarkar has also been getting in on the act. “Why is it that supporters of Israel have such a low tolerance for dissenting opinion?”, she asked on Twitter / X.

The University and College Union (UCU) is similarly up in arms after the government sent a letter to UK Research and Innovation, the national funding agency for science and research, demanding to know why it had appointed two people to an advisory group on equality, diversity and inclusion (EDI) who had made questionable comments in response to the Israel-Hamas conflict. (One had said the government’s planned crackdown on “Hamas support” was “disturbing”.) The EDI group has since been disbanded and UCU chief Jo Grady has written to the secretary of state for science, innovation and technology, Michelle Donelan, expressing her concerns about a “chilling effect on freedom of speech and academic freedom”. 

So, in an apparently stunning turnaround, the bourgeois, academic Left has gone from sneering at we “free-speech warriors” to trying to claim the mantle for themselves. Last night, Owen Jones tried to do just this at an online UCU event. “We hold the flame of genuine free speech”, he said, calling on the Left to mount a campaign for “actual free speech” – as opposed to the presumably phoney free speech advocated by all those awful culture warriors. UCU put out a clip of his speech online, but then deleted it, following an almighty roasting on social media.

The reason the clip was roasted was, of course, because Owen Jones and the UCU and many other Left-wingers currently speaking up for the right to dissent are completely full of it. It is clear to me that they do not believe in free speech or academic freedom at all. If they did, they wouldn’t have expended so much energy in recent years insisting that campus censorship was a non-issue, all while demonising dissenting academics. 

In 2020, Jones tried to get an Oxford employee sacked over an unpleasant tweet he posted about Sarkar. UCU, for its part, is a paid-up supporter of the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions campaign, which blacklists Israeli academics. It has also led the crusade against trans-sceptical voices within academia. Kathleen Stock, the gender-critical philosopher, finally decided to leave the University of Sussex, after months of agitation against her, when her own UCU branch denounced her and sided with the trans activists who had been making her life hell.

As for the right to protest, the woke Left had nothing to say when anti-lockdown protesters had their collars felt, time and again, during the pandemic. Apparently, those opposing the unprecedented theft of our civil liberties were undesirables, unworthy of the right to assemble. Meanwhile, those who have taken to the streets every Saturday in recent weeks to chant genocidal slogans like “From the river to the sea”, while plastered in pro-Hamas stickers, are actually noble freedom fighters whose rights must be respected.

To say that Jones et al are inconsistent on free speech isn’t strictly accurate. They’re incredibly consistent… in their double standards. They only ever defend free speech and the right to protest for those who happen to agree with them. They’re fierce supporters of the freedom to think exactly as they do. Which is why they can carry on like modern-day Mary Whitehouses one minute, then bemoan the clampdown on dissent the next.

No doubt, there have been many on the Right who have jettisoned their free-speech credentials in the wake of Hamas’s brutal pogrom in Israel and the disgusting response it has sparked on Britain’s streets. To my mind, the best way to oppose this anti-Semitic bile is not censorship, but more speech, more counter-protests and more agitation. We need to challenge the Israelophobes out in the open and deny them the status of free-speech martyrs.

But the Tories’ double standards on free expression are as nothing when compared to the rank hypocrisy of the woke Left. They don’t believe in free speech. They believe in me speech. And we shouldn’t let them get away with pretending otherwise.

[dasha-aibo]

I absolutely did not enjoy the experience of going to school for a lot of complicated reasons

But I did go to a good school, where the teachers actually gave a shit. And at the only time in my country's history when the school was truly free of ideology.

We learned about GULAGs, we learned about pogroms, we learned about barrier troops. Our teachers all selected their own books to teach us with and there were a lot to choose from. And it's not like the books were expensive, hell you could just get them from the library. But there was a variety of thought.

And I think that's why my generation of Russians is a lot more protest-happy. Why we don't like Putin. Why we looked towards the West.

It was a truly unprecedented time. Like, I was on the last CUSP of it. A few years after I graduated they've implemented the Russian answer to SAT exams and it all went to shit and everyone knows it all went to shit because of that, but it's not only because of that.

Propaganda came back. Approved books came back. Uniforms came back.

And, like, I'm not idolizing it. We did a lot of wacky shit that was typical of the 90s. We had "relaxation lessons" where we would sit in armchairs in a circle, drink herbal tea and learned how to meditate, that was a real thing that we did, I swear to fucking God.

But we were, for a brief moment in time, free.

One time a classmate came to school with a tattoo on his leg. Nobody gave a shit. He wasn't even scolded. Hell, the one time I was scolded was when I threw a bottle out of the window.

We were fascinated with new emerging technologies. We had coding lessons, as primitive as they were, I think they still have computer lessons in Russian schools, but we were making our own little games and everything. I made a screensaver where an officed chair rolled around the screen, I programmed that chair in fucking primitive Object Pascal, specifying where each line would go before I ever saw the final product. It was great.

Yeah, I sound like an old fart.

I don't miss school.

But I miss that freedom and that curiosity.

It was a bad time, but it was a time brimming with potential and hope.

Now it's all just a swamp. All that optimism we had in the 90s gone.

All for "stability". All for the ambitions of one insane man.

[a-skirmish-of-wit-and-lit]

Book Review: The Soulmate Equation by Christina Lauren

I've come to find that reading a Christina Lauren romance is like slipping into an old cardigan. The stories they create are cozy, heartwarming, and familiar, with two characters curling up, hunkering down, and finding home in each other. I like the simplicity of that, the effortless evocation of charm that wraps me up in its arms and deposits a kiss against my forehead.

Everybody needs a dose of connection every now and again, of hope and cheer too, and that's something their books do so well. I always feel lighter after I finish one. Fuller, not just with warmth, but with laughter. And, of course, I always leave the last page more ready than ever to believe that true love will always win the day.

Now, that might sound silly or sappy or cliché to some of you, but personally, I think there's magic in that. And what can I say? I'll always been a fan of happy magic.

The Soulmate Equation was adorable! So heartfelt and entertaining! It was the fluffy distraction I needed to finish out 2022.

Single mom and data analyst, Jess, submits a sample to a dating service called GeneticAlly that uses DNA matching to pair up its users and is predicted to change the face of dating forever. However, when she scores an unprecedented 98-percent it changes everything. Why? Because her "Diamond Match" is Dr. River Peña, a man who not only founded the company but also happens to be someone she knows...and doesn't like. The man is as rude as can be!

Skeptical as all hell that he could be her soulmate, Jess initially writes the results off, but GeneticAlly comes back with a proposition. They will pay her to get to know him. Since she's struggling financially with a 7-year-old daughter to raise, she agrees to the arrangement, coming to learn that there's more to River and their compatibility than any algorithm could possibly quantify.

What ensnared me from the get-go was this idea that relationship compatibility could be encoded in our DNA. It was a blast to imagine River, and GeneticAlly, "cracking the code" so to speak and taking this innovative dating service/technology to the masses. That said, what I liked most was that "free choice" was still preserved. At the end of the day, high compatibility score or not, Jess and River still had to choose each other. Choose love. And I appreciated that.

The side characters were great as well. We all wish we had a support team like Jess's grandparents, they were wonderful. Fizzy was an absolute hoot. Her one-liners shot to kill in the best way possible, making me laugh out loud multiple times. Juno Merriam was precocious, curious, and full of factoids. I loved that she was constantly trekking back and forth to the library--talk about a girl after my own heart! The two of them were total scene-stealers and I was never bored when they were around.

Jess and River's romance started off a little cold and slow, but it picked up more as the story went along and I was fully Team Trio (Jess-Juno-River) by the end.

Though I'm not fond of mathing, I'm 98% positive this is worth the read.

3.5/5 stars

**Follow me on Goodreads

[dukeofriven]

I mean it was a Hell-like dimension, its demons having lives just like Holly would, but not the literal in-service-to-the-Devil sort, being why I put ‘Hell’ in air-quotes. To say Artemis wasn’t dead at the point he was there, just in a location outside of known space and time (though he did literally die later on, as mentioned, and avoided having to go to an afterlife via the circumstance mentioned — an actual afterlife was also confirmed to exist in the world of ‘Artemis Fowl’, unrelated to this).

I mean it doesn't have to be literal hell: my issue is that the scope of the series escaped the reasonable bounds of its introductory novel's excellent framing. I remember being flummoxed by the second book when we're faffing around a nuclear waste train in Siberia for some god-forsaken reason. Artemis Fowl should not have been the kind of story where Artemis saves a city, a planet, a civilization, or a universe, from pseudo-demons or god-like time travelers or otherwise. There's nothing wrong with a formula: a series of crime capers with Artemis pitting his mind and his cunning against Holly's, a grudging antagonistic friendship and a constant clash of legalism, technology, criminal deviousness and good old fashioned moxie would have been great. But Fowl makes the choice to be an adventure story, it ignores its own subversive premise of fairies being a technologically sophisticated but fundamentally human mirror of ourselves, and... well, has an afterlife, and not-hell, and Holly and Artemis swapping bodies and becoming clones and going on huge blockbuster-sized epics. And it all sucks. It sucked in the second book. It sucked in third. It sounds like it just got so pointlessly bloated with nonsense and missed what made the story great: it was very, very small and contained. Artemis Fowl 1 is a kid in a house with maybe five people max scheming to out-think some magic cops. That's it. That's the story. And I loved it. And I was and am disappointed by everything afterwards. You ever read the Airborne series, ny Kenneth Oppel? First book's about a cabin boy on an airship and the cruise has to deal with some pirates. And then in the third book he's trying to go to fucking space. I never understood this. There is just no reason for this action movie escalation: you could write a dozen books about a cabin boy aboard an airship with nothing more pressing as stakes than 'getting promoted to steward' and it would delightful. You don't have to go to an alternate universe. you don't have to go to the moon (see also the Fast and Furious movies). 'Raising the stakes 'doesn't have to entail huge, external narrative catastrophes: in one of the latter books in the Vorkosigan saga, the stakes for Captain Lord Miles Vorkosigan—alias Admiral Naismith of the Denadrii Free Mercenary Company and hero of the battle Hegen Hub— are that his dinner party go-off successfully to help romance a girl he's fallen for. Nobody dies in that book. Nothing explodes. Someone come sback from space, but we don't visit there. (It's got the first transman I ever saw in literature and there's a sideplot about him overcoming his shitty society and claiming his title of 'lord.' It's great.) And the stakes feel huge for our characters. And that's enough. It's better in fact, because saving the world can get exhausting and runs out of tension fast (see the RTD years of Doctor Who. He should not come back). What I loved about Artemis Fowl barely survived into the second book in the series and by the... fifth or ninth when he's a clone with Holly's eyeballs and traveling though time to fight god-Opal or whatever I don't... I got nothing. It leaves me cold, bored, and disappointed. And it's emblematic of genre fiction's problem as a whole: an escalation of scale without any thought as to whether the story's growth is meaningfully improved by getting larger and more 'epic.' (And one of these days I will write that essay about how 'lore' has ruined more series than it improved, and why I wish more people drew on Lewis than Tolkien, because Tolkien was a master of worldbuilding, and the average writer isn't and will never be. And it makes me a hypocrite given my own writing but at least I'm aware of the danger.)

[alanwake2downloadpc]

Alan Wake 2 Download PC

Alan Wake 2: The First Preview gamescom 2023

At the end of the first game, Alan allowed himself to be trapped in a world known as the “Dark Place” to free his wife. Once again, NVIDIA and Remedy Entertainment are partnering to deliver a jaw-dropping experience for PC gamers, leveraging bleeding-edge technologies to crank image quality, immersion and performance to 11. On PC, Alan Wake 2 players can marvel at fully ray traced (path traced) graphics that are accelerated and enhanced by NVIDIA DLSS 3.5 and NVIDIA Reflex. This admittedly isn’t genuine detective work such as that seen in games like Paradise Killer and Return of the Obra Dinn. But the approach does provide the sense of your actions pushing the case forward and opening up new lines of investigation. And while the gift shop lock is a very simple example, I can see the board being vital to the much larger Cult of the Tree case, where there will likely be substantially more leads and categories of evidence.

Alan Wake may be living in a hell of his own design, but it looks like I might soon be playing in a heaven of Remedy’s making. And after watching a full 40-minute demo, played from the perspective of Wake himself, it certainly looks set to be Alan Wake 2 Download PC a tale worth telling. Taking place in an area called The Dark Place, this lengthy slice of the story follows Alan as he makes his way through an oppressive and haunting replica of New York City riddled with danger, gunfights, and puzzles.

DLSS 3.5 is a major breakthrough for the real-time 3D editing experience. This fall, DLSS 3.5 will be added to Chaos Vantage, D5 Render, and NVIDIA Omniverse. Each hand-tuned denoiser accumulates How to Download Alan Wake 2 pixels from multiple frames to increase detail, in effect stealing rays from the past, but at the risk of introducing ghosting, removing dynamic effects, and reducing the quality of others.

All Remedy releases use the developer's proprietary Northlight Game Engine, and this game is set to be "the most beautiful Remedy game ever." All of this will help the developer create a deep and layered story that also connects with its gameplay. NVIDIA DLSS 3.5 makes your games even more beautiful, immersive and realistic with the introduction of Ray Reconstruction, a new AI-powered technique that further improves the quality of ray tracing. DLSS Alan Wake 2 Download 3.5 is available for all GeForce RTX users, and you can get the complete lowdown in our NVIDIA DLSS 3.5 announcement article. Where the 2010 original was a relentless action game dressed in a Halloween costume, Alan Wake 2 is a full-bore survival horror. It comes complete with puzzles, exploration, backtracking, and a crime fiction library’s worth of creeping dread. It feels like almost every element of Alan Wake’s gameplay has been reinvented. It has been a long wait, but fans of the Alan Wake will finally be getting the sequel they have been hoping for with Alan Wake II. The shift in gameplay style will prove to be interesting and something different, with all the graphical updates to go with it. There's a long way to go before Alan Wake 2 Download it releases, but at least now, you know it's coming. You can read more on the subject in Ed's Alan Wake 2 preview from the summer. Each week there are even more DLSS integrations arriving for an array of games, and in our weekly articles we give you the complete lowdown on them all. Out in the real world (or at least what seems like the real world) – the domain of our second protagonist, FBI agent Saga Anderson – developer Remedy Entertainment has crafted a new collage from pieces of its favourite detective stories. The eerie shadows of True Detective, Seven, and The Silence of the Lambs creep through Alan Wake 2’s gorgeous digital depiction of the Pacific Northwest. On a vacation in the Pacific Northwest with his wife, Alice Wake, he came face to face with a force of supernatural darkness. He fought this dark presence and managed to banish it back to where it came from, a nightmarish dark place hidden under a caldera lake outside the small town of Bright Falls. Wake wrote an ending to his horror story and with that freed his wife from the darkness under the lake but became trapped there himself.

It also interpolates neighboring pixels, and blends this information together, but at the risk of blending away too much detailed information, or not blending enough and creating non-uniform lighting effects. After scoring a degree in English from ASU, I worked as a copy editor while freelancing for places like SFX Magazine, Screen Rant, Game Revolution, How to Download Alan Wake 2 and MMORPG on the side. Now, as GamesRadar's west coast Staff Writer, I'm responsible for managing the site's western regional executive branch, AKA my apartment, and writing about whatever horror game I'm too afraid to finish. For now, Alan Wake 2 is the nearest on the horizon at Remedy, and it's one of our most anticipated new games of 2023.

Several years after the crew’s reign of terror over Washington DC has ended, they assemble once again to deal with the threat that’s roused them out of early retirement. Ray Reconstruction will be available for all GeForce RTX users - get the complete lowdown in our NVIDIA DLSS 3.5 announcement article. And catch it on GeForce NOW to stream it from the cloud if you don’t have a game-ready device. In Portal with RTX, textures are enhanced Alan Wake 2 pc download as Ray Reconstruction intelligently accumulates engine data and information across multiple frames to produce a more accurate and clear image. With existing rendering techniques, full ray tracing could struggle to resolve multiple photons of light bouncing against thin materials, like metal fences, or highly reflective surfaces. This could cause excessive shimmering on thin surfaces and light instability or “boiling” on reflective walls.

[tonkipearl]

Fantastical sandwich drawing

FANTASTICAL SANDWICH DRAWING MOVIE

FANTASTICAL SANDWICH DRAWING ANDROID

FANTASTICAL SANDWICH DRAWING FREE

TJĬast: George Clooney, Natascha McElhone, Jeremy Davies

FANTASTICAL SANDWICH DRAWING ANDROID

Young Lucas evidently believed in heroic individualism, fast cars and the possibility of escape, yet it’s the visualisation of an entire society shaped by universal surveillance, government-supplied sedatives and android police carrying very big sticks which rings darker and truer than the director’s subsequent, significantly more populist output. Viewed today – the only version available is Lucas and co-writer Walter Murch’s digitally spruced-up 2004 ‘Director’s Cut’ – its shaven headed-cast, chillingly benign language intoning state propaganda and oppressive widescreen palette of glacial whites make for genuinely unnerving viewing. The studio hated the result and the subsequent box-office debacle almost killed both their careers.

FANTASTICAL SANDWICH DRAWING FREE

George Lucas and his pal Francis Ford Coppola persuaded Warner Brothers to take a flyer on expanding George’s earlier student short into this Orwell and Huxley-influenced fable about free love and free will versus all-powerful totalitarianism. 🧨 The 101 best action movies of all-timeĬast: Robert Duvall, Donald Pleasence, Maggie McOmie 🦄 The 50 best fantasy movies of all-time 👽 The best sci-fi shows streaming on Netflix As a result, it’s a list that crisscrosses the sci-fi universe, from Tatooine to Arrakis, Metropolis to Los Angeles circa, uh, 2019. To that end, in order to put together our list of the 100 best sci-fi movies ever made, we asked a wide-ranging panel of experts, from Nobel Prize-winning geneticist Sir Paul Nurse to Oscar-decorated film director Guillermo del Toro to Game of Thrones creator George RR Martin, along with a few regular old Time Out writers. In the end, though, the sci-fi that sticks out in popular consciousness is the stuff that deals with themes and issues anyone can relate to, not just the geeks writing 4,000-word theoretical treatises on fan forums. Sure, there may also be some convoluted time-travel involved, or fantastical technology, or odd creatures that are either benevolent or mean as hell. The only difference is that it might invent an entirely different world to do so.

FANTASTICAL SANDWICH DRAWING MOVIE

The best sci-fi films do what any good movie should do, and that’s tell us something about ourselves and the world around us. At Tokyo Disney Sea, fans spend their days alongside Duffy dolls, perching their costumed plush bodies atop Fujifilm-sponsored “photo spots” - ledges that make it look like Duffy, too, is having a fabulous vacation.Science fiction isn’t just for nerds anymore. at Hong Kong Disneyland, the only Disney park where guests can meet Gelatoni and StellaLou. Lengthy lines of fans sporting accessories with familiar animal faces snake down Main Street, U.S.A. At the same height, size and fuzzy demeanor as that of Chip ‘n’ Dale, it’s unclear if they’re all stuffed animals or anthropomorphic creatures of their own - but fans are obsessed nonetheless.ĭuffy, Gelatoni, ShellieMay, and StellaLou are fixtures in stage shows and parades, performing alongside classic Disney characters like Pluto, Goofy and Donald Duck but drawing bigger crowds than the main mouse himself on their own. Gelatoni, a cat who paints masterpieces with the tip of his tail, met Duffy by creating art from Duffy’s spilled gelato ice cream StellaLou, a feminine rabbit ballerina, met Duffy while rehearsing and shared her aspirations to dance on Broadway. From there, the backstories become more fantastical.

[verus-veritas]

Legacy

Revenge, Technology, Mind Transference, with a dash of unrequited love. What’s not to love? /Verus

"Dude! P-please! I'm sorry! Whatever you think I've done, it must all be a mistake!" Andew yelled, thrashing against his confinements and eyeing the only point of exit in the room. His firm muscles were wet and taut against his clothes, and his handsome face flush red with terror and worry.

"Are you really sorry though? It didn't seem like it from the way you acted during Gavin's funeral. The sneers and laughter you made as his parents said their final words to him..." I said, hiding in the shadows. Only my feet and the contours of my body was visible for him to see.

"N-no offense. I just found it funny when the parents said they wish he'd atleast gotten a girlfriend before he passed away-" The same devious sneer returned on his perfectly handsome face, as he most likely remembered the scene in his head.

"Of course you found it funny. Because you knew he was completely gay. Gay, and had a massive crush on you for ages. He literally worshipped the ground you walked on, and spent most of his waking hours wishing he could be with you." I explained, slowly walking around him as I pulled out a flimsy latex cap with electronical nodes attached to it.

"And I let him. I did no wrong." Andrew talked back. His eyes following my figure until I stood directly behind him.

"No! You lead him on, made him believe you were actually interested in him. And then you destroyed him. You are the reason he ran out of the house crying, and you are the reason he didn't see the truck speeding towards him!" My voice was shaking as I quickly slapped the cap onto his head, accidentally pulling out a few strands of his hair.

"Ouuch! Get this thing off me!" He shook his head and began thrashing about again.

"You know. He really loved you... He said he was going to make you the happiest man on earth. Showering you with gifts and undying love, and be by your side forever and ever. That's why he trusted you so wholeheartedly and let you do whatever you wanted."

"Naive..." He quietly muttered under his breath.

"He was even fine with you staring and drooling over other girls. As long as he could stay by your side."

"What a fag..." I could hear him gritting his teeth.

"But that evening when you invited him over, only to have him find you in the bedroom hooking up with a random girl... that completely ruined him. You shattered his dream, his self-confidence, and his sensitive soul! He didn't know what to do and where to go, which is why he ran straight out into the traffic..." My voice was uncontrollably going up and down now, as I was unable to hide my emotions.

"Dude only had himself to blame. He should've known I only had him around for the free stuff he bought for me." Andrew snickered, as he looked down at the expensive shorts Gavin had bought for him a few weeks prior.

"How dare you!" I tried to punch his shoulder, but knew I was too weak to do any real damage against his hard muscles.

"Y'know... it almost sounds like you had feelings for him- Wait a minute! You're that pastry white kid that always walked around with him aren't you?! Hah! 'Ghost boy' we called you!" The tone in his voice shifted - with more confidence and arrogance. Back to the way he normally talked - a manipulative bastard at heart. "I see. So you best friend Gavin never had feelings for you, and now that he's gone you blame yourself for not having stopped him."

"......" I clenched my hands till my knuckles turned white.

"Hah! Maybe you really were a horrible friend. Have you thought about that you might be the reason he's dead?" He laughed, obviously enjoying the way he was toying with my feelings.

"...you have no idea..." I mumbled, as tears began to flow down my cheeks.

"Maybe you should be the one sitting in this chair - tied up and wearing this stupid cap on your head. Hehe."

I took a deep breath and calmed myself, before walking around him once again and turning so he could see me. See the real me... one last time. "I will. Soon."

"W-what do you mean with that? And why are you also wearing that ridiculous cap?" He asked. His tone in voice once again becoming panicked and anxious.

"You see. The reason why I'm so pale is because I spend so much time at home playing with my inventions and devices. Coding is one of my favorite things to do. And for the last few months I've relentlessly been working on creating this device we're both wearing right now. It was originally only meant to be used on you, recoding the patterns in your brain into loving Gavin as much as he loved you. While also erasing all of your bad traits and turning you into his ideal boyfriend... but there's no reason for that anymore, is there? So, I upgraded it into 2.0, which can now be used with two people."

"P-pff... yeah right... and what does this new version do then?"

"It can transfer the consciousness between two human brains. Even recoding the brain into believing the new consciousness have always been in control of its own body. All the memories, habits, and even muscle memory will be easily accessible to the new permanent owner." I explained, as I began fiddling with a machine by our side. The nodes on our caps lit up.

"Permanent?! Wait a minute. Let's say all of this freaky sci-fi stuff is actually real, what's going to happen to my consciousness?" Andrew asked, as he began to get more anxious by the beeping sound of the nodes on his head.

"All gone. Overwritten by mine. Erased out of existence with no way of restoring it." I answered nonchalantly. Flicking the last switched around, the device was now ready to be activated.

"What the fuck! Then you're basically killing me?! Get me out of here, you sick freak!" He began violently thrashing against the back of the chair, and flung his head around to get the latex cap off... but to no avail.

"Am I really though? Your memories, your body, and your relationships will all still be here, under my complete control. I'm just... discarding a small part of you that's no longer necessary."

"No...no... Help! HELP! SOMEONE!! THIS CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER IS GOING TO KILL ME!" He shouted at the top of his lungs, but the soundproofed walls would do him no good.

I flicked the final switch and walked over to him as the machine began buzzing. Standing in front of him, I suddenly sat down on his lap and grabbed hold of his face. I stared into his fearful yet piercing blue eyes and slid my hands across the cheeks and contours of his face.

"This beautiful face of yours that Gavin loved, I promise I'll take good care of it and cherish it until the day I die. It's the least I can do to honor my friend Gavin." I leaned forward and gently laid a kiss on his sweaty forehead, while holding him in place as he screamed for all he was worth.

"No! Noo! NOoO-Uoogguuughhhh" His scream turned into a gurgle as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. At the same time, my eyes went white and hazy as my pastry body slumped over and fell on the cement floor. Most likely cracked open its head or something from the sound of it.

"NgOOuoouughhgguuuhh!!!" Andrew's head flung back and forth as if to fight whatever was invading his head, but it barely took a minute before the thrashing suddenly stopped and his head slumped down.

His eyes were closed, his face flushed red from exertion, and the sweat and drool pooled down onto his expensive shorts. A further five minutes of stillness and blinking nodes passed before any activity was seen.

---

*Gasp*

I awoke to the cap on my head giving me a quick electric shock. In front of me laid my old withered body, lifeless and without a doubt stone dead. My throat felt dry and tired, and the ties on my arms hurt like hell. In fact, everything felt, looked, and smelt different. The smell oozing from my sweaty clothes that once smelt great now stunk in my nose. I could recall from Andrew's memories that he showered atleast twice a day. I showered atleast twice a day.

After some fiddling with the special knots in my back, I easily slipped the rope off. Massaging the sore parts on my wrist, I soon relished in how big and strong my new hands looked now. Hands who should've been holding Gavin's...

I explored further up till I reached my new bulging biceps. Squeezing them I felt how firm and taut they were. I never in a million years would have managed to get myself this big, but here I was, standing in the body of a perfect specimen. The body of the man who my friend loved, but who didn't truly love him back. If only I could've done this before Gavin died... Would he have loved me instead, or would he have hated me for what I had done? Well, atleast he would've been alive.

My focus went to my Andrew face, as I caressed the blemish-free skin and the small stubble forming on it. The face of the man I had hated for a while, the face of the man whose identity I would have to take over, and the face I would see in the mirror for as long as I breathed. It was one of the most handsome faces I've ever laid my eyes on no doubt, so I'm perfectly fine with that decision.

My hands continued to explore what was now mine; running fingers through my lush but wet hair, following the outline of my cobblestone abs, and shaking my strong and muscular legs awake from sitting too long.

Not long after I finally slipped the drool and sweat-soaked shorts off myself and watched as the tool between my legs arose to its new owner. It might not have been as long as my former one, but the very girth of it made up for it. As I enveloped it between my palms, I realized that no one had ever been as intimate with Andrew's tool as I was now, and no one would ever be. Not even Gavin would if he was somehow resurrected. Only I, Andrew would ever know how this throbbing member would feel in my own hands, the endorphins and pleasure its touch would send throughout my amazing body, and the ultimate earth-shattering orgasms I would experience as I edge myself to climax every day from now on.

The very thought of it immediately brought me to the brink of orgasm, so I quickly spread my legs apart and thrust the member fully through my grasp. It was all that was needed as I suddenly began shaking with pleasure and exploded shot after shot of Andrew seed all over the floor, myself and my former lifeless body."Ugh! Uuuugh! UUUuOOGggHH!!"

“.... Holy shit.....” I moaned, slightly shocked by the unfamiliarity of the new voice coming from my throat.

Reeling from my first ever orgasm in my new body and life, I sat back down on the chair and took a breather. I was sweaty, my crotch sticky, and my armpits stunk. Yet, I know I still looked glorious. How couldn't I? After all, I am Andrew. The man who Gavin loved, and who loved him back just as much, if not even more...

I will dedicate this new life of mine to worship and care for this body just as much as Gavin would have. His legacy, Andrew's body and life, and my consciousness have finally become one... and I promise I will carry them with pride and confidence to the grave... even if it is the only thing I will accomplish in this short insignificant life of mine.

[bondsmagii]

As an artist who happens to do some NSFW work, I have slowly watched the internet grow more and more inhospitable to anyone who doesn't produce "pure" (e.g. marketable), censored, corporate-friendly art. It's fucking disheartening, even more so to see most of the art community congratulate it as if censorship has EVER been a good thing for art. NSFW getting banned from site after site should alarm fucking everyone. But sexual content (hell, even artistic nudes) is an "acceptable" target

I hate the corporate internet. I hate the bootlickers who celebrate whenever a platform gets censored. The internet does not need to be "child friendly", that's just republican purity rhetoric repackaged. "Think of the children" always seems to arise especially whenever it comes to queer content,. My content ISN'T for kids. I don't want them to look at it, I shouldn't have to just stop posting or stoo making art on the chance a kid may see it bc they're lying about their age to see adult content

the way I've always seen it is that "think of the children!!" tends to be a dogwhistle. who it's a dogwhistle for depends on the situation, but it's always a dogwhistle for a bunch of people who are actually personally uncomfortable over some other aspect of the issue, but who recognise that stating this outright will not win them popular support. so for example, fundamentalist Christian groups crying "think of the children!" so they can target any kind of LGBT content or expression, from gay characters in TV shows to the right for guy couples to marry. or TERFs crying "think of the children!" so they can target trans people, most likely trans women in particular. or even apparently progressive Terminally Online leftists crying "think of the children!" so they can demand increasing censorship, all based on the fact that they don't like the content so they feel it should be banned forever. I am immediately suspicious of any argument that appeals to some idealised vulnerable victim group, because I have not yet seen an example of this where the real motives haven't been insidious and completely incompatible with my own morals. if your campaign has the same slogan as TERFs and alt-right conspiracy theorists, it's maybe time to have a good long think.

I totally agree with the fact that the internet shouldn't be family friendly, too. I think it should be like any open public space -- there should be dedicated areas where children can go and be safe, under supervision from a responsible adult. but there should also be places where adults can go and be safe from the risk of being held responsible for someone else's unaccompanied child seeing something they shouldn't. it's not our responsibility to look after other people's children. we have a responsibility to stay out of dedicated spaces for them, such as children's game websites and forums, but with technology how it is today there's no excuse for a child to be allowed free, unattended reign on the internet. it's the parent or guardian's responsibility to ensure that their child is using the internet safely. the real reason that websites bleat on about being "family friendly" is because that's code for "advertiser friendly", and as always, this is all about money.

finally, I'm gonna fucking say it. kids reach a certain point, probably their mid-teens, where a lot of them are going to be curious about fucked up shit. this might be looking up dark shit on a Wikipedia binge, or wanting to have a laugh at weird porn, or even wanting to test themselves with endurance games like shock sites and gore. this is normal fucking behaviour, and I think it should be allowed. you very quickly find out if its not for you, and with no major harm done. not to mention all of the people I know who were into dark shit as teens have grown up to be perfectly normal adults with a good grasp of their limits and an idea of how to sensibly consume and interact with dark media. the biggest freaks out there are the fluffy cottagecore positivity happy ending people, who are often pro-censorship and not above sending harassment and threats to people who love fictional villains. I truly believe that the complete avoidance of any dark themes and the refusal to interact with anything that isn't safe or happy leads to a noticeable decrease in empathy. these people interact with the world based only upon what makes them feel good, and inherently this prevents them from interacting with situations without putting themselves at the centre of it.

[alexplayssimsnstuff]

Bella Goth Disappearance FINALLY Solved!

Back in the day, I had originally subscribed to the theory that Bella was abducted by aliens that were set on her by the Caliente’s who then murdered her when she returned, and so I went in the game to do a walkthrough as to how I came to that theory. That’s when I found that I WAS WAYYYY OFF, there is a whole ass rabbit-hole here, and like a total Alice, I fell in it.

And, after 16 years of wondering and imagining different scenarios, I finally found out the truth. Turns out, we were ALL wrong, and the truth has been staring at us in the face the whole time.

Just as a warning, this is VERY dark and bleak and depressing. Bella wasn’t dealt a good hand, guys. What happened to her was all sorts of MESSED up.

Just for clarity, I do base this off of events that happen in the official sims storyline, because while the game is ultimately up to us to live life as we like, go ahead and do whatever with your game, there IS a story being told here, but in a way that doesn’t conflict with our own free will. It’s ingenious, really. This goes with the main Sims games released for PC and Mac. However, the console versions do provide a lot of insight to further details and situations. Specifically the Sims 2 for PSP, and the Sims 3 for the Nintendo DS.

 So, first off, it has been verified what happened to her: In 2014, Twitter held an AMA for the SimGurus just before the release of the Sims 4. Someone asked the following question, and SimGuru Sarah responded.

It was later confirmed that Bella Goth of Lunar Lakes IS the Bella Goth of Pleasantview. She does look like the rest of the ghosts there with pale skin and yellow hair and eyes, and with that in mind, you can see for yourself…

That’s her, alright.

Okay, if she died on Lunar Lakes, there are still questions that need answers:

1.       Did she ever go home?

2.       Does her family know what happened to her?

3.       How did she die on Lunar Lakes?

Well, she died of old age, that can be found out easily enough, but I found the answers to the other two: Kinda and no.

 So, just to recap, I’m gonna review Bella’s life as we know it canonically.

Bella was born to Simis and Jocasta Bachelor of Sunset Valley. She grew up the road from her childhood best friend, and later, husband, Mortimer Goth, with her older brother Michael. She always had a sense of the macabre and dark and was known as “the best dressed girl in town.” Even then she wore a red dress. A more child appropriate red dress, but a red dress. She just came from an average suburban family who had a fascination for the not average. She’s still a child, and not a Goth yet. She still goes by the surname Bachelor.

Twenty-five years later, she shows up in the Sims 1 with her childhood best friend and now husband, Mortimer Goth, and they have moved into their own home, and have a daughter, Cassandra. Her in-laws moved out of their home in Sunset Valley and moved into what would later become the Goth House of the Sims 2 in the beginnings of what would be known as Pleasantview. Unless you got her a job, she was a housewife, and she was known to be athletic, elegant, and friendly towards her neighbors. I remember her often being the first to come and say hello to any new Sims I’d move into the neighborhood. Her brother, Michael, is also in town, however, there is no acknowledgement of them being siblings. A family tree system didn’t really exist in the Sims 1, and I’m sure they didn’t even think to make them siblings back then, but the fact remains that they have no relationship at this point in time. The only reason why it’s known that Cornelia and Gunther Goth are Mortimer’s parents is because it straight up says so in the bio. That and their names are the same, but anyway.

So far, things are simple.

That’s because in the 25 years between the Sims 1 and 2, a series of events occurs that really makes things interesting.

Michael joins the science career track. One can assume the reason why he settled into domestic living years after Bella had done so was because he was at grad school. Because he was graduated from grad school, he gets a jumpstart in the career and climbs the latter a lot faster than Mortimer does.

1.       Scientist Sims contribute an invention into the Sims world. Michael’s invention was cloning technology. He cloned himself, and a test subject: Skip Broke.

         a.       Even though he died before it happened, arrangements were made so Brandi could be the next test subject and the first female subject, and when you start Pleasantview for the first time, she is pregnant with her own clone. The baby is always born a boy.

       b.       Michael’s clones have a 100% rate of being male, genetic identicals to those they were cloned from (Brandi’s just being a boy rather than a girl) and so far, a 100% rate of dying at the same time as the original. They are genetically identical, but wear different clothes.

2.       Michael and Bella don’t really have a relationship in their adult lives because Michael leaves Pleasantview early on while Cassandra is still a child and moves to the city.

3.       Mortimer follows after Michael, and invents the age reversal serum. Bella is the first test subject, and, the day of her abduction, she takes the serum until she reverts back to being a brand-new adult. Probably to allow herself to fit in her red dress as strikingly as she does, I don’t think an elderly woman could pull that off.

4.       Cassandra enters private school.

5.       Around this time, Gunther Goth dies. Bella, Mortimer, and Cassandra move out of their home and in with Cornelia to be with her in her last stages of life.

6.       Michael marries Dina Caliente. It is speculated that, because of the age gap, they only marry for Michael’s money. But it is worth noting that Michael was Dina’s first serious relationship and she didn’t begin to cheat on Michael with Don until years later just before Michael died.

7.       Alexander is born.

8.       Shortly after Alexander’s birth, Cornelia dies at the same time Michael does.

9.       Dina inherits Michael’s estate and moves in with Nina. They then move to Pleasantview.

10.   Don follows them and moves the next day.

11.   Bella goes to introduce herself to her new neighbor, Don. They get along, and Don gets the wrong idea and puts the move on Bella. Bella rejects him. He then runs off to go be with Kaylynn and is not there when Bella is abducted by aliens.

12.   Bella is never seen again, but shortly after her abduction, a UFO crashlands in Strangetown, and reports that Bella is in Strangetown start rolling in. But, spoiler alert, that’s not the real Bella.

Then, after Bella’s abduction and before you start Pleasantview for the first time, the following happens:

1.       Mortimer and Dina hit it off rather fast, and marriage is definitely in the picture when the game first starts.

2.       Cassandra, Mortimer, and Alexander all age up on the same day 2 days after Bella disappears.

3.       Cassandra goes to Don’s house to find out what he knows about what happened to Bella (jack squat since he wasn’t there) and that’s where they meet for the first time. Don tries to seduce her, probably not knowing who she is, and Cassandra, as much as you gotta love the girl, is naïve as all hell and thinks she won the jackpot and falls for Don quickly.

4.       Alexander goes to private school

5.       Mortimer retires

6.       Cassandra gets engaged the VERY day the game starts.

That is an important thing to note because people like to speculate that Don had something to do with Bella’s disappearance because he made the moves on her mother and they were engaged and he didn’t want to jeopardize that by Bella opening her yap. This is NOT the case because Cassandra was still a teenager when Bella vanished. Don may be a hoe, but he isn’t a pedo. Chris Hansen doesn’t need to be called for this one.

Another important thing to point out is that it’s not known if Dina and Nina knew Bella. At least, not well, since it can’t be established if Michael and Bella had a relationship at all. Despite the fact that they were friends when they were younger, Mortimer has no memories of Michael, and neither do Cassandra or Alexander. They never met their uncle.

ALSO, yes Dina and Nina do have alien ancestry. Their father was a result of an alien abduction pregnancy. But he was born human, so they’re not part alien. Which means they didn’t order ANY aliens to go and kidnap anybody. Why would they? They don’t know her. Not even normal alien sims do that, y’all are just racist.

It’s also worth noting that Mortimer is COMPLETELY fine with Bella being gone. He’s not heartbroken and he isn’t desperately trying to find her like the game tries to suggest. He’s strangely cool about it.

Why is Mortimer fine with Bella being gone?

Because they are no longer married and haven’t been since around the time Alexander was born.

And THAT, guys, gals, and nonbinary pals, is the BIGGEST part that y’all need to just remember. If you can only take one thing away from this part, take away the fact that they’re divorced. It’s S U P E R important.

 Now, it is possible to bring Bella back with the Tombstone of Life and Death. She’ll only stick around for a short while because she has a death token that activates when you save the lot, go into Pleasantview, and reload the Goth House. She’ll disappear. Interesting to note that if she’s in the middle of doing something, like talking with a sim or cooking food, she doesn’t disappear completely until she’s done. She does turn see-through and it kinda glitches out…it’s really creepy. Give it a try, you’ll see what I mean. But when she’s done, she’ll disappear, and you’ll get a notification saying she died somewhere else and her spirit has returned to where she was buried.

However, if she dies this way, you cannot resurrect her with the resurrect-o-nomitron. It doesn’t matter who tries it, where they are, or anything. Grim acts like he doesn’t know anything about Bella being dead and even if the Sim COULD resurrect a sim, Bella is not listed.

Since we know Bella is buried in Lunar Lakes, this means she died sometime between the week of her abduction and Cassandra’s wedding where the game starts.

However, while you have Bella in your household, you’ll find she’s brought back with no personality points. She has no memories besides what happened to her children after the first load of Pleasantview. So let’s say that between loading the game and bringing back Bella with the Tombstone, Cassandra gives birth to twin boys. Bella will come back with memories that Cassandra had twins, and she will even know who her grandchildren are. (I use this example because in my most recent Pleasantview playthrough, Cassandra had twin boys named Hendrick and Caspian with Don Lothario.)

Bella will have NO relationship at all whatsoever with Mortimer. You can see before you bring her back on the Goth family tree that they are not married at that point, and Mortimer and Bella start their relationship over as acquaintances. If you let them progress their relationship naturally with no cheats, they actually fight a lot and do not get along at all.

Now, any townie and NPC created before Nightlife will have their turn-on and turn-offs randomized. But it seems to constantly make it so that Bella is never attracted to Mortimer and Mortimer is RARELY attracted to Bella. This is a consistent thing. Interesting to take into consideration.

It’s clear to me, at least, that there were some problems boiling up for some time before Bella vanished.

--they get divorced at around the same time Alexander is born

--they do not get along at all

--Mortimer is completely fine after Bella’s disappearance and isn’t the frantic husband he’s marketed to be at this point in time.

--Mortimer gets into a relationship with Dina Caliente extremely soon after Bella vanishes.

--If Bella does come back and Mortimer is still alive, they naturally do not get along at all.

Which is weird, right? They were always shown to be this desperately in love couple who couldn’t live without eachother. I remember them having a good relationship in the Sims 1.

Also worth noting, Bella is a romance aspiration sim. In the Sims 2, they tend to hoe around a lot. There are a few other adult sims in Pleasantview who are also romance aspiration sims.

1.       Don Lothario (the epitome of the romance aspiration)

2.       Nina Caliente

3.       Daniel Pleasant

4.       Skip Broke was also a romance aspiration sim when he was alive.

What is interesting is that while for the most part, romance aspiration sims like to hoe around, there is one exception to this rule so far: Nina Caliente. Nina Caliente’s only romantically involved with Don Lothario. Unless you have another sim start putting the moves on her, then it’s a whole other story. If it were a thing back then, Nina would have been a soulmate romance aspiration while the others would have been serial romantic aspirations.

Bella COULD have been the same way, but that wouldn’t make any sense with the myriad of problems with her relationship with Mortimer.

So, in conclusion, Bella had an affair. Mortimer found out about it, which caused them to, at the least, separate for a while. Then, Bella became pregnant with Alexander, which would have brought up an important question—who is Alexander’s father? Once Alexander was born, and as he got a little older, it becomes clear that he resembles Cornelia, therefore verifying that Mortimer is indeed his father. This would have caused them to try their relationship again, and Bella would have turned down Don in good faith to Mortimer.

Who did Bella have an affair with?

Don wasn’t in town yet, and they hadn’t met. Neither did she meet the Caliente’s yet. Which leaves two possible contenders for Bella’s secret lover: Daniel Pleasant and Skip Broke.

On one hand, Daniel was Bella’s neighbor. She knew the Pleasants, and was friends with Mary-Sue. Daniel had an affair with Kaylynn going on, so he definitely could have some action on the side with Bella, too. My only reservation on that would be that I couldn’t imagine her doing that to her best friend. But then again, she did have an affair on her husband, so who’s to say what her morals are.

Then, there’s Skip Broke. This one makes the most sense to me, personally. While she wasn’t close with Michael, that doesn’t mean she completely avoided him altogether. She would have heard about Michael’s cloning experiments and could have met Skip that way, or she came to say hello and that was how they met. There is a theory going around that Brandi found out Skip was cheating on her, and that’s why she killed him and took his insurance money.

Maybe I’ll do another thing on that because the Skip Broke incident happens to be another rabbit hole altogether.

 So, we know that Bella had an affair with Mortimer and things weren’t going so well between them at the time of her disappearance. We know that the Calientes and Don are completely innocent, at least as far as her disappearance goes. (And Nina is innocent altogether, she just loves Don and is completely oblivious to the fact that he’s doing her sister and two other women. She is ALSO a victim here, you guys. Give some love to Nina Caliente, she needs it.)

She dies sometime in the week between her abduction and the first time the Goth household is booted up from old age on Lunar Lakes despite the fact that she was a brand new adult again thanks to Mortimer’s reverse age serum.

Then a UFO crashlands in Strangetown and shortly thereafter reports of Bella Goth being in Strangetown start swarming around.

And yes, this Bella is a clone—there are subtle facial similarities, she is not in the family tree at all for the Goth house, but other than that, she’s structured exactly like the Real Bella goes as far as her outfit, her personality, and her aspiration.

(The Wiki says it’s her despite the fact that it’s been verified she’s not, and it also has MANY discrepencies, saying she’s related to the Curious Family and they appear on her family tree, which is incorrect because Strangetown Bella’s family tree is COMPLETELY EMPTY.)

So, clearly, when Bella was abducted, something went wrong. But what?

Well, why would the aliens even abduct her in the first place?

They tend to go after sims who are wealthy, high-skilled, good-looking, popular, anything like that. Bella was ALL of those things. She was the epitome of the perfect sim to the aliens. They practically worshipped her and their queen took her name and appearance. (This is referenced several times, specifically in the Sims 3.)

So, if something were to go wrong, why would the aliens worship her unless she had been being watched for some time before her abduction?

And what went wrong that caused her to lose her memories, her skills, her personality, her youth, everything?

Aliens also do not abduct children, the elderly, and pregnant sims because their experimentation could go drastically wrong.

She wasn’t a child, and reversed her age so she wouldn’t be an elder for quite some time—

So the only thing that’s left is that she was pregnant when she was abducted and that was why things went wrong.

She wouldn’t have known this, and neither would the aliens—it’s possible that the baby was conceived that day, which helped Bella in the case where Don was hitting on her—she wouldn’t go cheating on Mortimer if she were trying to rekindle their relationship and they had made it to woo-hoo that day.

Also worth noting is that there IS another Goth on Lunar Lakes who happens to look exactly like Bella.

Anyone recognize her?

This is Mathilde Goth.

She is the long-lost third child of Mortimer and Bella Goth.

No, they don’t appear on eachother’s family tree, but they wouldn’t if Bella died shortly after giving birth to her and Mathilde was put in the orphanage.

Mathilde looks almost identical to Bella with the exception of her blue eyes. She also has a preference for blue where Bella preferred red.

Mathilde has no idea where her mother came from and the fact that she has a family on Earth who is just as oblivious to her existence as she is to theirs.

 What happens to Cassandra and Alexander after they find out about Bella’s death?

Remember how I said scientist sims end up inventing something?

Cassandra’s invention is time travel. She makes a time machine and the first use is to send Don to the future after her, Dina, Nina, and Kaylynn find out that he was playing all of them. She then goes on to live her life. We don’t know how that looks yet, but she never finds out what happened to her mother and that she has a younger sister.

Alexander is greatly affected by his mother’s death. He has no memories of her being abducted by aliens. Normally toddlers remember things like that so it’s odd that he doesn’t when the rest of his family does. What he does remember is her disappearing, Mortimer being okay with it and getting together with Dina really fast after she vanished, and then finding out that his mother was dead.

Alexander is a child prodigee. He’s a smart kid. So, he would go with any other conclusion someone would go with that limited information: he believed Mortimer killed her.

Well, Cassandra still has her time machine after she uses it to get rid of Don. And as we all know, Alexander’s name shows up in the Sims 3 a few times despite the fact that he doesn’t exist yet. And, according to the Goth family tree, it’s not a family name of an ancestor of his, he is the only Alexander Goth.

Once again, we’re going to reference a console game. This time is the Sims 3 for the Nintendo DS. Alexander actually makes an appearance, and this time, he’s not alone: he’s married to a woman named Cecelia. The family bio says that their gloominess is BECAUSE of Mortimer. Alexander dyed his hair orange. Probably he was trying to bleach it and didn’t know what toner was.  He doesn’t have that great of a relationship with Cecelia, as a matter of fact, she has a better relationship with Don Alto than she does her own husband.

Back in the realm of the PC games, Alexander wrote two books when he went back in time to the continuity of the Sims 3:

Baron Graff Van Gold, which comes with Supernatural,

And then there’s the one that appears in the base game.

Murder in Pleasantview.

To string it altogether, Alexander remembers her being gone, then learning she died. He suspects Mortimer was the one to do it but he never actually talks to his father about it. He doesn’t know anything about the abduction, if anything thinking it a ridiculous rumor. He grows up, gets married, and decides at some point in time to go back in time to try and prevent his mother’s death. So he and his wife go into the time machine and try to go back to when it happened, but instead get sent back wayyyy too far to when his parents are still children. What happens to the time machine? It breaks. He’s stuck in a period of time where Time travel wasn’t a thing and no one really knows how to help him and he sure as hell doesn’t know himself. Effectively, he’s stuck there.

So, he writes A Murder in Pleasantview to tell the story of what he thinks happens to his mother. He doesn’t know it’s really all for nothing, but at the same time, it is because of what ends up happening as a result. A result he probably didn’t even know would happen.

See, A Murder in Pleasantview is a best-seller. It blows up the world of 50 years before his time. Every bookshelf has a copy of this book, standard-load. Sims would have read this, and would be influenced accordingly. They would have made better decisions, not wanting this tragic thing to happen to them.

And yes, it does literally take the world by storm. Better decisions in the past truly make for a better future.

This is where the Sims 4 comes in. It is a different continuity, but it is different because they are aware of what Alexander believes to have happened to Bella. This would be why their personalities are so completely different, why the age gap between Cassandra and Alexander aren’t so extreme, why the Goths are so much more reclusive.

Alexander did something that inadvertently changed the future, eliminating himself and his circumstances entirely. He vanished suddenly, probably in a series of events identical to Back to the Future, where he is then allowed to live his life as a child with his mother in the picture, having no idea what he believed happened to her, nor knowing the truth. He erases his little sister altogether, but he can’t be blamed for that since he didn’t know she even existed.

What happened to his wife? Did she get erased like Alexander did?

No, actually she died. She tried repairing the time machine, failed, and was electrocuted to death as a result. She died young and is buried in the Goth mansion’s graveyard, confusing future generations because no one knows where she comes from because she has the surname Goth but they can’t find her on their family tree.

Lolita Goth was the wife of Alexander Goth.

Yes, it says she’s single, which means one of two things happened:

Either she tried repairing the time machine one last time after Alexander vanished and died,

OR

Like Alexander’s marriage to Cecelia, they didn’t have the best relationship and they ended up getting a divorce, then, possibly with Alexander still around, did the same and died.

She clearly wanted to go back home to her time and wasn’t happy with Alexander for being stuck there.

And it makes sense that she would have been electrocuted with the time machine because there are no other objects in the Goth Mansion that would result in her electrocution.

Which would ALSO explain why the Goths of the Sims 3 can’t figure out who she is. You can’t list a descendent and their wife on your family tree if they don’t exist yet, can you?

 Tragedy is just par for the course in the Goth Family, it matches their dark and dreary macabre air. But Bella’s story is just really extra sad. Imagine trying to repair your failed marriage, going to meet a new neighbor only for him to put the moves on you without invitation, then get abducted by aliens where their experiments go wrong, causing you to lose your memories, your personality, your youth, and then you find out that it went wrong because you’re pregnant, which you didn’t know about that either, and your kidnappers take a tissue sample from you, and then drop you on a strange planet far from home where you have no way to communicate to them that you’re there, but you don’t remember anyone but your children anyway, leaving you to have a baby you didn’t even know existed when you were abducted and live just long enough to name her?

The truth has been staring at us in the face since 2014, but we all missed it. Me included for the longest time. It’s been 16 years since Bella went missing, and we all had theories and ideas, but THIS is the truth, and it’s really. Messed up. Yeah, I found out what happened to Bella, but do I like it? No, not at all. Bella deserved better, and so do her children. Mathilde especially. She grew up in an orphanage never knowing she had a family who would have loved her so very much, only to become a mailcarrier on her home planet. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a mailcarrier, don’t get me wrong.

Dina Caliente is innocent, but seriously? Bye.

Nina Caliente is innocent, and really deserves better.

Don Lothario is innocent, but yet he sucks.

Mortimer Goth used to be my favorite out of the Goth family, yes, even over Bella. But after learning everything about him I have mixed feelings about the guy. I don’t blame him for not trusting Bella, and I don’t blame him for wanting to move on, but jeez, at least show a little genuine emotion, Morty, she was your childhood best friend, and, if nothing else, the mother of your children.

There was no plot to get rid of her and swipe the Goth fortune.

It was just poor timing on the alien’s end, and bad luck altogether.

So, yeah.

That’s what happened to Bella Goth.

[nicknellie]

Anonymous requested: Could I request willex fake dating au, maybe the boys are trying to get Alex a boyfriend and so he asks Willie to fake date him to get the boys off his back or something please!

Anon, I love fake dating AUs, I’m beyond glad that you suggested this. Plus with willex I think fake dating is very in character, especially for Alex. I had a lot of fun writing this one, thank you for your request! I’m sorry it took me so long to get round to writing it, but to make up for it I’ve made it longer than most of my other fics.

A Dream Come True

Alex had to hand it to them – when Luke and Reggie wanted something, they really pushed for it. Normally it would be one of the many things he loved about the two of them. Determination, perseverance, resilience, all good qualities. And when they put their minds towards something useful like booking Julie and the Phantoms a gig or dragging Willie out of the washing machine when he got stuck in it playing hide and seek, they were definitely useful to have around. So usually, Alex loved their pushiness.

He just didn’t like it when it was aimed at him. Even less so when they were trying (for the umpteenth time that month) to get him a boyfriend.

And the worst part was that this time Alex had run out of excuses.

For reasons Alex simply couldn’t fathom, Luke and Reggie had been obsessed with the idea of finding him a boyfriend for some weeks now. Reggie had downloaded several dating apps and entered all of Alex’s information, and every time Alex saw him the first thing Reggie would do was reel off a list of several candidates he’d deemed worthy. Luke, ever the technophobe (or rather just terrible with technology), had taken a more natural approach and spent countless hours wandering the streets of Hollywood for someone who was, in his words, ‘the sort of guy who would make Alex lose his goddamn mind’.

It wasn’t that Alex didn’t appreciate them trying to make him happy – he found it sweet, if a little weird – it was just that he knew nobody they found would ever be right. He knew what he was looking for, he knew what he wanted, and he didn’t think that Luke and Reggie could get it for him.

The first time they had tried to send him on a date Alex had faked a cold and pulled out at the last minute. The second time he had “accidentally” shown up to the wrong location and missed the entire thing. The third time he simply hadn’t gone – instead, he turned off all the lights in his house, locked all the doors and windows, and hid, so when he didn’t show up and Luke and Reggie came over looking for him they assumed he was out. The fourth time and most recent time he had pretended to fall asleep when they told him about it.

Alex wasn’t the most creative of people and he had pretty much exhausted all of his go-to date-dodging tactics. So the fifth time his friends tried to set him up, he completely panicked.

“So I was doing my usual lap of Sunset Boulevard this morning,” Luke said in lieu of a greeting the moment he walked into Julie’s garage. “And Alex, dude, bro, you will not believe the guy I saw.”

“Good morning to you to,” Alex said flatly.

Luke wrinkled his nose like the greeting confused him, but then saw Julie setting up her mic in the corner. A bright smile grew on his face as he was distracted and for a moment Alex thought he might have been lucky enough to get out of the conversation. But a moment later, Reggie entered the studio and also decided that greetings weren’t a necessity.

“Luke! Did you tell Alex about the guy yet?”

Julie snickered (she found the whole thing much funnier than Alex did and he most certainly did not appreciate it) and for a moment more Luke continued to just look at her, absolutely besotted, but then he came to his senses and all of a sudden his excited smile was directed at Alex.

“Right, that. So I ran into him outside the Orpheum, so he’s probably a music guy,” Luke gushed, winking in a way that Alex supposed was meant to be suggestive. “We had a little chat and he told me he’s training as a teacher and is also looking for someone to settle down with.”

“Sometimes I worry about you,” Alex said, laying a gentle hand on Luke’s arm. “You’re getting forgetful. I’m not looking to settle down with anyone.”

Rolling his eyes dramatically, Luke shrugged Alex’s arm off and instead planted his own hands firmly on Alex’s shoulders, shaking him a little. “Maybe not, but that might change when you meet this guy.”

“I doubt it. What’s his name?”

“Oscar. Maybe Oliver. Orville? I don’t know, but it definitely began with an ‘o’.”

“He sounds memorable,” Alex deadpanned. “I’m sure we’ll have a great time together.”

Reggie gasped excitedly. “So you’ll meet up with him then?”

“No,” Alex said firmly.

Julie giggled again (and once again Luke looked at her, dazzled). “Why not, Alex? You sounded so enthusiastic about him!”

“Very funny,” he returned. “I’m not meeting him.”

“Why not?” Luke whined, dragging the words out like a frustrated toddler. “You always do this! Reg and I try to set you up with people but you always say you don’t want to. Are we missing something?”

Alex could see the cogs whirring in Reggie’s mind before his face lit up and he triumphantly guessed, “Or are we missing someone?”

If anyone had asked, Alex wouldn’t have been able to give a reason for what he said next. It was completely untrue, a wild statement made under extreme pressure in the face of an emergency. Perhaps it was a bad decision, but he had run out of excuses to not meet people and he was getting desperate. He hadn’t had time to consider it.

Alex said, “Yes.”

Reggie’s jaw dropped, Julie dropped her microphone, and Luke dropped whatever respect he had left for Alex’s personal boundaries. He launched himself at Alex, tackling him to the floor in what he assumed was supposed to be a hug, and Alex was fairly certain that Luke was crying with happiness.

“Dude!” he shouted (though it was rather muffled since he had his face buried in Alex’s shirt). “That’s awesome news! Reggie and I can stop searching! I didn’t think you’d be able to find someone yourself, bro.”

“Thanks for having so much confidence in me,” Alex said flatly as he extricated himself from Luke’s vice grip and hoisted himself to his feet.

“You’re welcome,” Luke said as he wiped his eyes (yes, he was actually crying happy tears).

Julie had her arms crossed in front of her chest, looking half-puzzled and half-affronted. “You’re seeing someone? And you didn’t tell me? The only one of your friends who is even a little bit good at keeping a secret?”

“Hey,” Reggie interrupted, “I’m good at keeping secrets!”

“Reggie, honey, I love you but at Christmas you told everyone what you’d bought them as soon as you’d bought it.”

Reggie looked like he wanted to defend himself but couldn’t. “I was excited to see everyone’s reactions…”

Rolling her eyes fondly, Julie turned back to Alex. “Anyway – why didn’t you tell me?”

While he was a terrible liar, Alex just so happened to be a very good actor. In high school he’d got the lead role in the school play two years in a row, but whenever someone asked him if he was gay (before he had come out) he would often panic and pretend to faint to get out of the situation. Though he was technically telling a lie here, he decided it would be the prime opportunity to employ some of the improvisational skills he had worked on with Carrie back in their theatre club.

“It was all very new,” he explained, “we weren’t sure if it was going to go anywhere and we didn’t want to tell everyone until we were sure.”

It was only at this point that Alex realised he was digging a very deep hole for himself and it was most certainly too late to climb out of it now.

“When do we get to meet him?” Reggie asked excitedly.

“You already have,” Alex replied.

A little voice in the back of his mind was saying, shut up, you absolute idiot, what the hell are you playing at? Perhaps stupidly, he drowned that voice out.

Looking dumbfounded, Luke clutched Alex’s shoulders again. “We have? Who is it?”

The little voice got louder – don’t say it, Alex, I’m begging you not to say it, it’s like you’re actively trying to ruin your own life, you absolute–

“Willie.”

In eery synchrony, Luke, Julie, and Reggie all looked to each other with identical expressions of shock and bewilderment and then turned back to Alex with furrowed brows.

“Willie?” they all chorused.

Alex pursed his lips and rocked on the balls of his feet, suddenly regretting every decision he’d made that had brought him to this point in his life. “Yep.”

“I thought your thing with him finished like six months ago?” Julie said.

“Well, there wasn’t really much of a thing to finish,” Reggie reasoned, “just Alex’s pining from afar that had lasted for like four years–”

“Yes, thank you, Reginald,” Alex interrupted. It wasn’t that Reggie was wrong, Alex just didn’t like how right he was. “And yeah, it did… I guess. But then we were hanging out together a few months ago and it was really nice and we started doing it more often and eventually he asked me on a date.”

Alex was overly aware that every word he had just said was an utter lie. Firstly, he had never really got over Willie – Willie wasn’t the sort of person you could just forget or move on from, even though Alex had never actually dated him. Secondly, Alex and Willie hadn’t actually hung out together alone in quite a while. Willie had been busy with their blossoming art career, going to different presentations and awards shows, trying to make a name for himself; Alex, on the other hand, had been doing his best to avoid dating anyone. And thirdly, Willie had never once asked Alex on a date.

He knew he should have backtracked, told them the truth, but he was in far too deep.

“This has been going on for a few months?” Luke said incredulously. “How have you kept it from us that long? Dude, you just let Reggie and I spend literally all our free time trying to find you a boyfriend!”

“I never asked you to do that.”

“You could have told us to stop,” Reggie said.

“I did,” Alex returned. “Several times.”

Julie raised her hands placatingly. “Okay, okay. That’s not important right now. What’s important is that Alex and Willie are finally together. Are you sure they’ll be alright with you telling us while he’s not here?”

Alex shrugged, trying to act like he wasn’t too sure (which was easy because he’d never been less sure of anything at any time in his life). “Umm… well… we haven’t really talked about it much, but… you know, I’m sure he won’t mind too much. I’ll tell them tonight.”

Julie smiled warmly. “Well, I’m happy for you in any case. It’s nice that you’ve finally got what you wanted for so long.”

“Amen to that,” Luke said, finally picking up his guitar. Alex had all but forgotten they were supposed to be practising instead of talking about his very fake relationship with Willie which Willie didn’t even know about. “And Reg and I can finally stop looking for someone.”

“Could’ve stopped before you’d even started,” Alex said, sitting down behind his drumkit, “but alright.”

He knew that sooner or later he would have to tell Willie what he’d done and he was absolutely dreading it. Willie was a very chill person and Alex knew they’d probably find it funny more than anything, but it was still a daunting prospect. But for now, he focused himself on his drums, hammering out all of that excess anxiety, and forgetting the absolute nightmare he’d created for himself just for a little bit.

*

It was nearing one o’clock in the morning and Alex was very much not ready to go to sleep. For one thing, he was still wearing his clothes instead of pyjamas, and for another he was pacing his room like a caged lion with anxiety and had been doing so for almost three hours. He was trying to build up the courage to call Willie and let him know what had gone on, but he was so nervous that he wasn’t sure he’d even be able to string a sentence together if Willie picked up the phone.

He knew he would just have to bite the bullet. He couldn’t put it off forever or it would end in disaster. For the thousandth time he reminded himself that Willie was the kindest, funniest, most good-natured person he knew and that he had nothing to be scared of when it came to telling them that he had made a massive, probably damning mistake. Willie would be fine with it, Alex knew.

Before he could dwell on it a second longer, Alex dialled Willie’s number and let it ring.

It only rang twice before Willie picked up. Even though it was late, Alex had known Willie would pick up (the guy hardly slept at all) and he fought the urge to tell him to go to bed.

“Morning,” Willie said chirpily.

Alex checked the time and blinked in surprise; he hadn’t realise how long he’d been pacing for.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” he said. “How come you’re still awake?”

“Mario Kart,” they replied. Alex could practically hear Willie’s smile – suddenly there were butterflies in his already anxious stomach and they certainly weren’t helping. “Why are you still awake? I thought your bedtime was half nine.”

“It hasn’t been in two years and you know that,” Alex said. Willie giggled brightly which teased a smile out of Alex. “I, uh… I actually need to talk to you about something that happened today.”

Just get on with it, he told himself, don’t drag it out.

“Oh?” Willie said. “What is it? You sound nervous – do you need me to come over?”

“No,” Alex told him, “it’s late – or maybe early. Either way, you don’t need to come all the way to my place just so I can tell you this.”

“It sounds serious.”

“It might be,” Alex admitted. “It depends on how you take it.”

There was a brief silence on the other end and for a moment Alex wondered if Willie had decided to end the conversation, but then they said, “Alright, let me just pause the game.”

Another short pause as Willie stopped mid-race. Alex took the opportunity to collect himself, shake out his nerves. It would be fine. Willie would be fine with it.

“Okay,” he said a moment later. “I’m back. What’s going on, hotdog?”

Alex scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck, suddenly unsure where to start.

“Okay,” he began uncertainly. “Well… Luke and Reg have been trying to set me up with someone for a while now and I’ve been trying to avoid it as much as I can. I’ve sort of run out of excuses and you know how difficult it is for me to say no to them.”

Willie hummed knowingly. “Like with the Great Cactus Robbery of 2019.”

Alex winced at the memory – he hadn’t realised cactus spikes hurt quite that much, but he’d gone through with a lot that night for Luke and Reggie’s sake.

“Don’t remind me,” he said witheringly. “Anyway, you know what I’m talking about then. They told me about another guy earlier today and I really needed another excuse to give them. I tried just point-blank telling them no, but then they started asking questions and…”

“And?” Willie prompted.

“I told them I was seeing someone,” Alex said. There was silence on the other end. “I told them I was seeing you.”

After a moment or two (that felt like an eternity) Willie burst out laughing. Alex sighed, affronted, but he supposed it was one of the better reactions he could have got. At least Willie wasn’t angry at him.

“Why?” Willie wheezed between laughs. “Was that seriously the first thing that came to your mind?”

“Yes,” Alex grumbled. “I was under a lot of pressure. You were the obvious choice.”

They giggled happily and Alex realised just how true those words had been – whether he liked it or not, Willie would always be the obvious choice for him.

“Well, I’m flattered,” they told him, blatantly trying to contain their giggles. “Thank you for thinking of me, hotdog.”

“You’re welcome,” Alex said. “But I’m sorry about it too. I’ve created an absolute mess and dragged you into it, so I understand if you’re angry at me.”

“Does it sound like I’m angry at you?”

“No?”

“That’s because I’m not,” Willie said kindly. “I get it, man, you just panicked. No big deal. Besides, we can ride this out easily.”

Alex blinked. “We can?”

“Sure, man, it’ll be fun. We’ll pretend to date for a few weeks, have a friendly breakup, and then everything can go back to normal.”

“You’re sure?” Alex checked. This hadn’t been what he was expecting – he’d thought Willie would say it didn’t matter but he needed to come clean. He hadn’t been expecting the offer of dating.

Fake dating, said that irritating little voice in his head. It’s not real. Don’t let yourself forget that.

“Of course I’m sure,” they said. “I mean, it’s totally cool if you don’t want to, but surely it’ll be easier than backtracking completely with the others. And it’ll get Reggie and Luke off your back for a little while longer.”

He considered it, weighing up the pros and cons. On one hand, he’d get to date Willie at last, something he’d wanted to do since he met him. It would give them more of a chance to hang out together, Luke and Reggie would stop pestering him, and it was always fun to harmlessly mess with his friends. On the other hand, he wasn’t sure his sentimental little heart could stand getting to date Willie and then having him taken away even if that was the arrangement from the very start.

But it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

“Alright,” he said resolutely. “I’m in.”

“Cool,” Willie returned happily. “Shall we meet tomorrow to discuss, you know, like, boundaries and stuff like that?”

“Sounds great. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He heard Willie press play on his game, the unmistakable sound of an item box being broken on Mario Kart.

“See you tomorrow, Alex,” Willie said. “Or maybe now we’re dating I should be calling you ��babe’ or something.”

If that made Alex’s heart flutter, he wouldn’t say anything about it. “We’ll go over pet names tomorrow. Goodnight, Willie.”

“Goodnight, babe.”

As Alex put his phone down and launched himself into bed (still fully clothed but suddenly far too tired to even consider getting changed) he thought to himself that there probably couldn’t have been a better outcome.

*

Alex had expected the meeting with Willie to feel awkward and weirdly formal, but it was completely the opposite. Both of them were in high spirits the whole time, jokingly holding hands and making heart eyes at each other, laughing every time one of them used a particularly ridiculous pet name for the other. (When Alex had called Willie ‘sugarpoops’ he had thought they might die from laughing.)

But the meeting was productive too. They set some effective boundaries – any touching was allowed, just not too intimate; kissing was fine, but only to prove a point; and just for the fun of it they agreed they had to act like the most sickeningly in-love couple the world had ever known. Alex didn’t really care if that would give the whole thing away, it seemed like a bit of fun and it would be useful when it came to reminding himself that none of this was actually real.

That bit, he had to admit, still stung.

He and Willie had arranged to meet Luke, Reggie, and Julie at the studio that afternoon, so spent the day together beforehand. Just to try and get into the swing of things, they treated their morning together as a mini date. Alex took Willie to minigolf, then they went to an ice cream parlour, and after that Willie tried to teach Alex how to skateboard for fifteen minutes before Alex got too nervous and gave up. It was fun and Alex tried not to think about the fact that this was the reality he was missing out on – if he imagined he was just hanging out with Willie as a friend, which in a way he was, then it was just about bearable.

They arrived outside the studio together and they could hear the other band members’ voices already inside. Alex’s stomach started squirming nervously which he thought was weird. He didn’t actually have anything to be nervous about – he and Willie weren’t really dating.

But still, he was starting to feel a little bit queasy and was seriously considering just running away.

Then he felt Willie’s hand slip into his and their fingers lace together. He looked down at them and saw that he had a kind, soft smile on his face, gently encouraging.

“Ready to be my boyfriend, sweetheart?” Willie asked teasingly.

The nerves didn’t disappear, but Alex found it a lot easier to ignore them after that.

“Always,” he said. “Let’s do this.”

Without another moment’s hesitation, Alex pushed open the studio door and led Willie inside. Julie, Luke, and Reggie all hushed immediately and looked at the couple like they’d been caught red-handed. If their guilty expressions were anything to go by, they had been talking about Alex and Willie before they had walked in. He could only guess as to what they had been saying, but at that point Alex hardly thought it mattered.

It was showtime.

“Hey guys,” he said, grinning broadly. “What are you talking about?”

The three all responded at the same time but with wildly different answers.

“That gig next week,” blurted Luke.

“I lost my favourite hairclip,” Julie explained.

“I’m thinking of buying a horse,” Reggie told them.

Alex and Willie looked at each other, trying to hide their amusement.

“Anyway,” Julie said, “doesn’t matter what we were talking about! Because you’re here now, both of you! And you’re dating!”

Without warning, Willie giggled brightly and attached himself to Alex like a koala to a tree. Alex laughed and threw his arms around Willie, holding them tightly, pressing a firm kiss to the top of their head.

“I feels so good to finally have it out in the open,” Willie gushed, gazing at Alex with pure adoration in his eyes. “Right, sugarplum?”

Alex gently rubbed the tip of his nose against Willie’s, fighting the urge to laugh. “Of course, my little cheesecake.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Alex could see his friends’ expressions – he had to close his eyes so he wouldn’t be able to see them, otherwise he definitely would have broken character and started laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe. Luke looked utterly horrified, like the display of affection was disgusting; Julie was staring at the two of them wide-eyed, her face flushed red, looking like she would rather be anywhere else; and Reggie just looked baffled.

After a while, Julie cleared her throat and the couple turned to look at her innocently.

“So,” she said, “we’ve heard Alex’s version of the story, but Willie – how did… all this happen?”

Willie linked his arm through Alex’s marched the two of them over to the couch and sat Alex down, then sat primly on his lap, laying their head against Alex’s shoulder. “I’m so glad you asked.”

“I’m not,” Luke muttered, “this is weird.”

Julie kicked his shin and he shut his mouth.

“I had been watching Alex from afar ever since we met, but I didn’t think a cool, handsome drummer could ever care about someone like me. I was convinced we would only ever be friends. But then we hung out together and I saw all these different sides to his personality – he’s so caring and soft, you know, and he means everything he says. Alex isn’t like anyone I’ve ever met. So I decided to just go for it, ask him out, admit how I feel.”

Alex stroked a hand through Willie’s hair, eyes fixed on him. “Since then we’ve never looked back. And we never will.”

“Oh, my darling!” Willie exclaimed, throwing themself at Alex and pressing a kiss to his lips.

It certainly wasn’t how Alex had envisioned his first kiss with Willie going (and he had envisioned a great many different versions of it) but in a strange way it felt just right. Sure, they weren’t dating, but they were hanging out together, having fun, being in each other’s company and loving every second of it. Maybe the circumstances weren’t exactly what Alex wanted, but the love they held for one another was still there, nothing could take that away.

So maybe it wasn’t the best decision he’d ever made, but Alex let himself get lost in the kiss. He didn’t know how many times he’d get to do this in his life, so he figured it was better to make the most of it. He blocked out the fact that his friends were right there (a sure sign that he wasn’t thinking straight – absently he knew that he would be very embarrassed by this when it was all over) and just focused on Willie.

And he was sure he wasn’t imagining the fact that Willie seemed to be enjoying it just as much.

When Julie eventually cleared her throat again, they separated. But Alex couldn’t take his eyes off Willie. He knew he wasn’t imagining what he’d felt in that kiss – like sparks had flown between them, forcing their dynamic into something much more than friendly banter and an inside joke. Willie’s eyes were glassy and he was breathing heavily, scanning Alex’s face for something, though Alex didn’t know what. All he knew was that the kiss had pushed the boundaries they had spent all morning setting and if he wasn’t more careful he would lose himself to this silly little charade.

The five of them spent the rest of the afternoon and evening just talking to each other. Willie stayed firmly planted in Alex’s lap and they both used the occasional cutesy nickname for each other, but it seemed as if both of them had silently made the decision to tone things down a little bit. Luke seemed relieved about it at least – for all the heart eyes he made at Julie he certainly seemed uncomfortable at the affection Alex and Willie had shown. It was probably because Alex hardly ever showed love like that in front of people.

But god, he wanted to do it all again.

Luckily, it didn’t seem like any of their friends suspected Alex and Willie of lying to them. By the time they were all on their way home – Alex and Willie walking away hand in hand – nobody had brought up the fact that it could all be fake.

“That went well,” Willie said as they walked along the seafront, heading back to his place. The cold night breeze lifted their hair and Alex couldn’t keep his eyes off them, not when they were looking so beautiful.

“Yeah,” he said, watching the way the amber glow of the streetlamps danced in Willie’s eyes. “It did.”

“Have you thought about how long we’re going to do this for?” Willie asked. Alex was sure he heard nervousness in Willie’s tone, maybe mingled with hope.

He shrugged. “A few weeks maybe. Unless you had something else in mind.”

“No, no, that’s fine, man.” They had arrived at Willie’s apartment building and stopped just outside of it. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah,” Alex said, smiling smally. “See you tomorrow.”

He didn’t know what he was thinking – he had expected a goodnight kiss from Willie, but instead he was left alone in the cold as Willie let go of his hand and hurried into the building. Alex was suddenly reminded again that it was all fake, that he shouldn’t have expected kisses when they were alone.

It hurt though. He knew that kiss earlier had been more than just top-notch acting.

He fell asleep that night, still thinking about it, the memory replaying on a loop in his mind. In one way or another, Willie was going to drive him crazy.

*

The next two weeks flew by. Alex found himself hanging out just with Willie more and more often, playing Mario Kart together at Willie’s insistence, going on more dates that weren’t actually dates, or even just video-chatting each other while doing their own separate things to enjoy the company.

After that first day as a “couple”, Alex was sure Willie’s confidence had been knocked. For the next few days they withdrew himself from Alex and Alex didn’t know if he’d done something wrong or if it was just something on Willie’s mind. Still, he let Willie work through it, and a few days later he was back to normal, clinging to Alex like a barnacle to a ship, calling him every pet name under the sun.

And still their friends were none the wiser.

The end of their time as a couple came all too quickly. Alex walked Willie back to his apartment again, a heaviness in his heart. He didn’t know how an actual breakup felt, but he was willing to bet that a breakup would be less painful than whatever this was. No part of him wanted to give this up, whatever silly little thing was going on between him and Willie – it was fun, it was freeing, it gave Alex a light feeling in his chest and made him so happy he thought he might burst at any moment. He didn’t want to give any of it up.

But still he walked Willie to his door.

They stood facing each other, hands interlinked between them, sad smiles on each of their faces. Alex tried to memorise every detail on Willie’s face as if it was the last time he would see them.

“This has been fun,” he said eventually, his voice low, quiet in the night air.

“You can say that again,” Willie agreed. “I loved being your boyfriend.”

“I loved being your boyfriend.”

Something flickered in Willie’s eyes, an expression gone too quickly for Alex to name, but it was quickly forgotten because a moment later Willie stood up on his tiptoes and kissed Alex.

It wasn’t like any of the other kisses they had shared in the past few weeks. There was nothing over-the-top and exaggerated about it, it wasn’t just a stunt they pulled to fool their friends. It was slow and soft and Alex felt the rest of his body go fuzzy and numb as all he could concentrate on was Willie’s lips on his.

An eternity later, Willie pulled away, his eyes scanning Alex’s face.

Alex swallowed heavily and said, “I thought we could only kiss each other to prove a point.”

Willie nodded. “Did I not get my point across very well? Do I need to kiss you again?”

Alex almost laughed but something stopped him. “Just… just explain it to me first. So I don’t get the wrong idea.”

“I loved being your boyfriend,” Willie said. “You enjoyed being my boyfriend. So… why should we stop?”

Alex felt his head spin. Somehow the nightmare he’d created for himself all those weeks ago was turning into a dream come true.

“You mean that?” he asked. “Tell me you mean that, Willie, please.”

“I mean it,” Willie said resolutely. “I’ve felt this way about you for too long just to let it go. If you want me then I want you. I want to date you, Alex. For real.”

Alex kissed him again, short but sweet.

“Is that a yes?” Willie asked, giggling.

“There’s no other answer I could have ever given.”

Even though they remained boyfriends (real ones this time), Alex and Willie decided to drop the over-the-top, lovey-dovey stuff. It was fun, but it wasn’t them. Instead, they chose to fill every second together with quiet declarations of love, casual dates, soft kisses, nothing that wasn’t real.

But they never did tell Luke, Reggie, and Julie how much of it had been fake.

*

Taglist (if you want to be added or removed just let me know): @ace-bookworm @williexmercer @boggie-brainrot @itstiger720 @the-reckless-and-the-brave @that-one-newsie @bluedarkness @lookingthroughmirrors @tmp-jatp @salty-star @julieandthequeers @lmaohuh @sunnysbright @sylphrenas @callmeontheleyline

[lokis-army-77]

If You Please

Chapter One

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 1644

Hi everyone this is my first fic, so please feel free to as constructive criticism.

I'm bad at writing descriptions, so this is basically a reader insert into The First Avenger and then we'll see how it goes from there.

Next>>

Masterlist

It was 1943 when my life changed dramatically. The second world war had been going on for a few years now and with Hitler quickly rising to power it felt as though every young man and woman wanted to help the war cause. This included Steve Rogers, my brother, and James 'Bucky' Barnes, my secret fiancé.

We had all grown up together in Brooklyn and later on Bucky and I started to have more romantic feelings for each other. We've been engaged for two years now but Steve still doesn't know, no one knows. We've planned to tell everyone once Bucky gets back from the war, whenever that will be. Tonight is his last night in New York before he gets shipped off with the 107th to the front.

Currently, unknown to my brother and fiancé, I am working under Agent Peggy Carter in the Strategic Scientific Reserve or SSR for short. They believe I work as a full-time secretary for one of the many recruitment offices in New York. The SSR's work dealing with Hydra is highly classified and very dangerous. Agent Carter and I are not only the only two highly regarded women here but we're both two of the youngest agents.

Now enough with the back story, let's get into how this whole mess started.

It was the day of the Stark Expo, Bucky had decided we would go there for a date and maybe a dance or two before we had to meet Steve. When I had gotten off of work at 5 pm sharp, Bucky was outside the recruitment office waiting.

"James I thought I told you not to wait for me outside of my place of work," I said to him as I walked over to him. He pulled me in close and kissed the top of my head.

"I know, but what kind of fiancé would I be if I didn't come to meet my best girl?" I try to push away from him but he just holds on tighter, chin resting on the top of my head and swaying us side to side.

"Shh be quiet or someone will hear you. We definitely don't need Steve finding out we're engaged yet."

"Fine," he said, letting go of me to then grab onto my hand, "I hope you wore your dancing shoes doll because that's all we're doing until I have to let you go." I giggled and nodded as we crossed the road on our way to Queens, where the expo was being held.

"So doll, did you have a good day at work?"

"Yeah, I just filed more recruitment papers and mailed off important documents. You know, the usual." We turned a corner and headed down to the subway. We walked in a comfortable silence until we got into the subway car. "How was your day today, anything exciting happen?"

"If you call saving your brother from being pummeled to death again exciting then no. Although, seeing you this afternoon has made my day a whole lot better."

I turned to look Bucky in the eyes, "Again? What happened this time?"

"He said he was at the theater and some punk was being disrespectful to the video of the troops overseas. Steve said he spoke up to the man, but you know how that always ends up for him." He unwrapped his hand from mine to then put the same arm around my shoulders.

"I wish he'd lay low, you're not going to be here to break up the fights anymore, and you know how he gets when I try to step in and help."

"Oh one more thing, he tried to enlist again. From New Jersey this time," He chuckled and shook his head.

"I have no clue what I'm going to do with him, James. I know he wants to go fight, but I can't risk having both my best men out there. I don't know what I'd do with myself if both of you left me here." I shifted closer into Bucky's arms. "Come on, our stop is just up ahead."

When we entered the expo all I could do was stare. The lights and technology that Stark had put on display were amazing. Soon I felt a tug at my hand.

"Sweetheart come on I want to get at least one dance in before Steve shows up. I think I see a place we can go over here." Then I was quickly taken to a brightly lit dance floor where couples were gathering to dance to a slower song. Bucky slowly did a little bow and I followed with a small curtsy of my own. I couldn't keep myself from laughing. "Ma'am may I have this dance," he asked, holding his right hand out to me.

"You certainly may," I replied while placing my left hand into his outstretched one. He then wrapped his left arm around my waist and held our entwined hands upright in the air, and my right hand went to rest upon his shoulder. He smiled his signature little smirk.

Then the band started to play and we started to twirl around the dance floor.

After a minute I rested my head on Bucky's shoulder and wrapped my arm under his. "I never want this to end Buck. I'd dance with you forever if that meant you didn't have to go so far away from me."

"Oh, Doll I dread the end of this night. What am I going to do without you by my side every day," Bucky said as he gently rubbed the small of my back. "Somebody's got to go off and protect you and if that means fighting in this war, I'll gladly do it one hundred times over." He looked down at me and then kissed my temple. "Come one I think I see Steve over by the stairs." He let go of my hand and waist more quickly than I would have liked.

"Steve! Look who I found," I called and Bucky and I made our way over to the set of stairs my brother had been wandering about at. I ran over to give him a tight hug. "I heard you had a little scuffle again today and that you tried to enlist. Again." Steve stood there awkwardly and smoothed his hair back with his hand.

"Buck, I thought we agreed that we weren't gonna tell her this time," he said through his teeth at Bucky.

"Hey man it's not my fault your sister is crazy scary when she's trying to get something out of you," he said while putting his hands up in defense.

"Fair enough. But next time you tell her something like that I'll hurt you."

"I'd like to see you try there pal," Bucky retorted while trying to grab at Steve but I interjected before they could make a scene.

"Boys please act like adults, we're at a science and technology expo NOT a playground." They both stopped to look at me. I moseyed over to stand between them both and hooked my arms into theirs. I looked to the right at Bucky then to the left at Steve. "So boys, what should we look at first?"

The night progressed smoothly from there, with us going to see Stark's new flying car invention and many more new and exciting things. We laughed and joked, Bucky and Steve bickered, which I had to intervene in before it became an actual argument. Pretty soon 9 o'clock came and all three of us headed home to Brooklyn. Bucky walked with us to our door and we said our heartfelt goodbyes. After a rather tight hug, he left, strutting down the sidewalk towards his own home, but quickly turned to give a stiff-armed salute. Steve and I turned to go inside.

"Goodnight Stevie, I'll see you tomorrow," I called out down the short hall from my room. I waited for his reply before I shut my door and turned the light off. Gathering up my nightgown I slipped under the covers of my bed. It had been a good day, but the fact that Bucky was leaving in just a few hours kept coming to the forefront of my mind. I laid awake thinking of when I was ever going to see him again. At that moment the window to my room quietly creaked open. I sat up quickly reaching for the bedside lamp. When the weak yellow light filled the room Bucky was standing in the room, tangled in the curtain.

"Bucky what the hell are you doing," I whispered yelled at him.

"Well I thought I'd at least spend my last night stateside with my fiancée, but if you'd like me to leave then I will." He stated matter of factly and turned to go back out the way he had come.

"No don't go," I crawled over to the edge of the bed and reached for his hand, "You just surprised me is all. You haven't come through my window since we were kids." He laughed and let me pull him up to the head of the bed. He fell not so gracefully onto the sheets and swaddled me up close to his chest. I could smell the soap on his skin and the freshness of his nightshirt. I could hear the beat of his heart loudly in my ear as I started to drift off.

"Will you wake me up before you go," I questioned, snuggling further into his chest.

He was quiet for a long time, just laid there with his right hand playing with the ends of my hair. Then he nodded silently and gave the top of my head a long kiss goodnight. "I love you Doll," he mumbled into my hair.

"I love you too Sweetheart," I replied almost quietly enough to not hear.

[mercy-burning]

I Felt A Burning (Songbird Chapter 3)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: As it turns out, distance makes the heart grow fonder. Reader finds herself missing Spencer while he’s away, so the two of them find unique ways to spend time with one another. Rating: 18+ Warnings: Smut (penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, dirty talk, male and female masturbation, squirting), Language Word Count: 6.3k

SERIES MASTERLIST SERIES PLAYLIST (new songs added with the release of each new chapter)

NOTE: Sorry this is a little late.. This series is giving me a rough time at the moment, so I’ll probably need a little time to work out some of the kinks (pun intended?) but I’m still very excited to share the rest with you, because I do think it’s going to end up being one of my favorite things I’ve ever written!

So, this month I’m going to take some time to work on requests for my 1k celebration (More info on that here if you want to check it out and send in some requests), and once they’re all complete, I’ll come back to Songbird! It’s not technically on hold, but chapter updates will probably stay pretty spread out while I try to make each one the best they can be 🥰

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

***

"I've never seen him this attached to his phone, it's almost like he's a whole different person."

I don't think JJ realized I could hear her, and she probably thought I wasn't paying attention. To be fair, I wasn't paying that much attention. But I had to be cautious; As much as I loved texting with Y/N, I knew what my friends would do if they found out the nature of our conversations. Or that I was texting a woman outside of a professional setting... Or that I was texting a woman at all.

"I wonder who could have him that caught up," I heard Emily say.

Deciding to take matters into my own hands, I spoke up, keeping my eyes locked on my screen. "Her name is Sudoku. It's something to do to pass the time."

"Oh, so he is alive," Emily quipped, and everyone laughed. I even let out a little smile. "Why invest money in a smartphone when you don't even like the technology? I mean, you can buy puzzle books for like a dollar a piece, anyway..."

The first time Y/N texted me a... rather scandalous photo of herself, I'd ended up having to wait until I got home, transferring and downloading the file to my computer there because I couldn't get it on my phone. And then she called me and said that if we were going to do this properly I needed to be able to see the photos while I was away, otherwise there wouldn't be a point.

And the funny thing was, I didn't hesitate to purchase a smartphone immediately after we hung up.

I have to say, it was really handy. Sure, it was still taking some getting used to. And I much preferred my old phone, but getting to experience these rather adventurous text exchanges with her made it all worth it.

"Endless puzzles on the free app is much cheaper than buying a new book every few days. It's not bad," I finally said.

Just as Derek mentioned something about Penelope finally 'bringing me to the dark side', my phone buzzed in my hand and my heart buzzed in my chest.

The rest of the team talked amongst themselves, leaving me to 'my game' and I was glad to have a cover.

But when I opened the message and saw the photo Y/N sent me, I felt like the most obvious person in the world. Surely there was no way that no one else didn't know what I was looking at, right? Because I felt my face get hot, and something equally warm stirred in my lower stomach.

Shifting my bag over my lap just in case, I swallowed and examined the photo further.

The camera framed her body from the top of her mouth to her chest. She was completely bare, her bottom lip formed in a pout and saliva leaking out and down her chin. My eyes followed the trail down to her exposed breasts, where a round, red lollipop was covering her right nipple. I could barely see her piercing from behind it.

My phone buzzed again with another photo attachment, this time revealing a different angle. The lollipop was positioned right above her clit, just barely touching it, and looked like she was dripping wet. Immediately I wondered whether or not she'd touched herself with the lollipop, and if so, had she tasted herself on the candy? What did it taste like? Would she be willing to let me try when I landed and could finally see her again?

My phone buzzed a third time, and it almost scared me. This time it was just a text: I hope you appreciated those. It was far less sexy to take them than you'd probably think. Definitely more sticky, too. Gonna take a shower. Might send you some more, if you can handle it. —Stranger

I tried not to smile too hard, fully aware of my friends on the other side of the jet, and texted back as discreetly as I could: I always appreciate the effort. As for what I can handle, you'll come to find I'm full of surprises.

It didn't take long for a response to show up: Well, I'll just have to test that out when you come back to me, won't I, Doc?

My breath caught, and I don't think I'd ever wished for the plane to land faster than I did at that moment. I thought about asking when we were expected home, but figuring that might be a little more suspicious, I thought better of it and decided to wait it out.

I messaged her back: Text you when we land, and then pulled up the Sudoku puzzle app to keep myself busy until I could see her in person.

***

Maybe it was a little ridiculous dressing up for someone when they were just going to take it off of you almost immediately after walking through the door, but for one thing, I needed to wear something while I waited for him to get here.

And for another, it made me feel sexy, and in the end that's all I needed to know.

I wore a matching white lace bra and underwear set with high stockings. It was simple, but as I'd learned over the past month, Spencer really liked white on me. So I knew this was a good option, even if ultimately he didn't care what I wore (or didn't wear). To leave it a little surprise, I threw on a robe and read on the couch until he would text me.

But even as my book was open in my lap, my eyes didn't scan the pages. Instead I stared off into space, thinking about what a month it had been.

A whole month, and everything was going great. Not that I expected it to be awful or anything, but over time, even though Spencer and I had strictly been sleeping together without any strings, every time he was gone I felt like something was missing.

It confused the hell out of me.

And not because he wasn't worth missing—that actually wasn't the case. It was the fact that I was the one missing him at all that confused me. I mean, it was obvious from the beginning of our sexual relationship that I was willing to break a few rules of mine just to be around him, but... Feeling these things so soon? Missing his presence when he wasn't near me?

It was all so unfamiliar and completely different from any relationship I'd been in before, and a large part of me wanted to stop it all together. But really, I knew that was ridiculous, because nothing was wrong. He always respected my wishes, he made me feel good, and he was always kind and reassuring. He even bought a brand new fucking phone just so we could sext while he was away. It was obvious that he would have done a lot for me, and for the sake of keeping our arrangement steady... And from the little I did know about him, he seemed like the type of person who would be totally understanding about any issue I had, whether it was of a sexual nature or not.

Simply put, he was perfect.

So why did I not want to let him in? Why was it so fucking hard for me to believe that I could actually date him like a normal person and be okay?

Maybe I just needed to take things slow. I could do that, right?

Yeah. I totally could.

When he got here, the first matter of business, of course, would be to have sex with him. Because he'd been away for almost a week now, and the whole time we texted back and forth about all the things we wished we could do to each other. And his job was stressful, so whenever he came back he liked to relieve some of that stress, which I was more than willing to give him. No matter my conflicted feelings, our arrangement was so solid that I had no doubts about what would happen the second he walked through my door.

And then, when it was all over, he would leave. He always did, even if I sometimes asked him to stay until I fell asleep. But maybe tonight I could tell him to stay and fall asleep with me instead. That would be a good first step, right? I could explain how he must be exhausted from work and travelling, so he should just rest and I would be willing to let him sleep in bed beside me.

Yeah. That was a good plan.

Except, what would I do in the morning, then? Would everything be awkward? Would he get up before me and leave before I even woke up? And if that was the case, would he leave another note? Maybe he would still be asleep when I woke up, and then I could make him breakfast or something. Mayb—

My phone went off beside me, snapping me out of my excessive thinking. Thank God...

I read the text with a smile forming as soon as I saw his name at the top of the screen: Be at your place in 20 minutes.

After sending back a winking-face emoji, I set my phone on the table and put the book next to it. And then I took a deep breath and reminded myself to take it easy. Everything was going to be just fine.

Everything was going to be just fine.

I must have repeated it to myself over and over until he actually showed up, because it felt like only a minute had passed before a knock sounded at the door.

"It's me!" Spencer called out, and my heart raced.

Even as I strode over to the door, I couldn't seem to slow the fast pace of my heartbeat. And when I opened the door to see him with a brighter-than-the-sun smile, I thought it might completely burst out of my chest.

"Hey, Stranger," I whispered, stepping aside to let him in. As soon as the door closed, he leaned in to kiss my cheek, and I couldn't resist. I grabbed his face and pulled his lips to mine, kissing him deeply and with as much care as I could convey. He dropped his bag and melted into me completely, wrapping his arms around my lower back and pulling me closer to him. In turn I melted into him, sighing into his mouth.

I couldn't tell you how long we stayed like that, standing at the front door and making out like he'd just come back from war. It felt like it could have been forever, but however long it was, I couldn't have cared any more or less. It was perfect.

His hands slid down my back and splayed over the curve of my ass, making me laugh against his mouth. I felt him smile before he pulled away just a little, just enough to keep our noses touching.

"I missed you," he said simply, though with those three words alone it felt like it was complex and enduring enough to chip away at the walls I put up.

And strangely I didn't mind. When he was here, touching me, smiling at me, speaking to me, I felt... serene. It was like the stillest water you could imagine—no ripples, no waves... Just clear water, so still it was like a horizontal mirror.

"Missed you more," I drawled out, running my hands through his hair and rubbing my nose against his. "I even wore something special."

"You did?" he mused, running his hands back over my back and then around to the front of the robe I'd put on over my lingerie. He probably already noticed the stockings, unless he was just as blindsided as I'd been by the fact that we were finally together again that he didn't actually notice. But either way, his whole body went still when he pulled my robe away and took me in. I anchored myself to him by holding his hands, studying his face as it looked me up and down and grew stronger with desperation with every passing second.

"You like it?" I finally asked.

The mood almost completely shifted when he met my eyes. I could have sworn they grew darker.

"I like you," he breathed, right before he reached forward, grabbing my face with both his hands, and kissing me again. This time it was primal, every nerve in my body going numb at the way he practically consumed me. It was all hands and tongue and teeth and warmth.

I clutched onto his shirt, pulling his body closer to mine as I was desperate to be connected to him on every physical level. A gravelly moan slipped my mouth when he reached behind my head and lightly tugged at the roots of my hair, to which he tugged a little harder. I returned the favor, using my other hand to mirror the hair pulling he was performing on me, and he groaned almost as intensely as I did.

I didn't even know we were at the kitchen table until I was sitting on it, my legs instinctively wrapping around Spencer's waist and my arms doing the same to his neck. His tongue slipped into my mouth with ease, just like it had a million times before. And it was just as intoxicating.

He moved his hand to my back, sliding around the clasp of the bra before he paused and pulled away, studying my face. I wasn't sure what he was thinking, but with the way his hands slid over my body like they were merely exploring, I had a feeling it was going to work out in my favor.

"You got all dressed up just for me, I'd feel bad to make you take it off," he mused, finally letting his eyes roam the length of my body.

"Whatever are we going to do about that," I mused right back, biting my lip when he met my eyes again.

His lips twitched into a smirk for a brief second before he moved his hands to unbuckle his pants. "I guess you'll just have to keep them on while I fuck her right here on the table."

I couldn't help the excited whimper that came out of my mouth as I leaned back on my hands and waited for him to get situated. My hand drifted to my panties, sliding them aside and dipping my middle finger through my pussy. "Did you like the pictures I sent you?"

I knew his answer was yes, but I wanted to get him more excited, and it seemed to do the trick—I could have sworn I saw his hands move faster, finally pushing his pants down as he took a step closer to me.

"Y/N, I have an eidetic memory, which basically means that I remember everything I see. Those pictures? They've been burned into my brain since I saw them, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about how badly I wanted to be with you again."

Each and every word fell heavy with this burning desire that set my whole body aflame. Added to the way he looked at me with the same intensity, it was practically the perfect formula for my destruction. And the fact that he could just vividly remember everything I sent him? Every picture, every time he saw me in the flesh—desperate for him... God, it was all so fucking exciting. And that was putting it lightly, because no words could ever have been beautiful or poetic enough to describe the way this man made me feel.

It all must have been written all over my features, because Spencer stared down at me and hummed amusedly His hands reached out to spread my legs by my knees, his touch sending shivers all throughout my body.

I reached out to grip his dick, slowly stroking it as I bit my lip and blinked up at him. "You have no idea how much I missed you this week," I got out, barely above a whisper.

"Oh, I think I do," he answered, right before he stepped forward and slid my panties aside. We both moved together then, me leaning forward to meet him as he brought his hips forward and ran his dick slowly along the opening of my pussy. He slapped it gently over my clit a few times, making me whimper out again which in turn made him smile a little. "How bad do you want it, pretty girl?"

"I want it bad," I answered simply, my voice low and on the verge of begging.

He seemed happy with that answer, a low hum coming from his throat in approval as he ran the tip of his dick through me again. And when he pushed it in just slightly, I wiggled under him in anticipation."

"Eager, are we?" he mused, stilling and bringing his thumb to gently circle my clit.

I threw my head back with an exasperated sigh that I only slightly truly meant in earnest. "Hell yeah, I'm eager. You promised to fuck me on the table, so when are you gonna deliver?"

Without another word, he slammed forward into me, and I gasped out, already falling apart at the burning I felt throughout my whole body.

"You're gonna regret being impatient, you know," Spencer grumbled, though the way I knew I had him practically wrapped around my finger told me that his threat was nothing more than a string of words that would fray and unravel into nothing once I got a tug on it.

And tug on it I did. Because he may have been the one currently obliterating me on my kitchen table, but the second I started talking, I knew he'd be just as ruined—maybe even a little more, though at the very least it would be an even playing field.

So I clenched around him as he continued fucking me at a brutal pace, spreading my legs wider and moaning out maybe a little too dramatically. "Oh, you've missed this tight little cunt, haven't you, baby boy?"

His arms wrapped around my legs and he scooted me closer, giving him a deeper angle inside me as a strangled moan rolled past his lips and his eyes almost rolled back. "Fuck, Y/N, I..."

As the words struggled to come out, I laughed, puffing my chest out and tilting my head to the side. "That's right... That's fuckin' right..."

It really didn't take long for either of us to reach orgasm, between our banter and the sheer force at which he drove into me while I clenched around him every so often, matching his rhythm perfectly despite how staggered everything was becoming with every passing second.

"Fuck, Spence, that's it," I breathed, reaching a hand out to graze his stomach with my fingertips. "I'm gonna cum..."

"Me, t— shit..."

Feeling him spill over inside me as I came around him reminded me just how much I missed having him with me, because no matter how good I made myself feel with a vibrator while he was away, nothing ever compared to that feeling; How full he made me feel, how tingly I felt when he moaned out my name, how warm his hands were as they gripped my skin to keep himself steady as he just fucking gave it all to me until there was nothing left... It was all so intense that I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to recover.

Which was why, even after he pulled out of me, I laid back on the table completely, letting my legs dangle off. My eyes closed as I tried to catch my breath and eventually I let out a breathy laugh.

"Fuck, man, maybe we should spend time apart more often, because that was..."

The weight of what I'd said didn't even really hit me until his phone started to ring, and I remembered my plan, that spending time apart was actually what I didn't want and I was supposed to tell him to stay...

I sat up and watched as he grabbed his phone from the pocket of his pants, which were on the floor. He pulled them up with him as he stood up again, murmuring a quick 'sorry' to me before taking the call.

I could see his ants were struggling to stay up, so I reached out and grabbed him by the belt loop, pulling him to me and buttoning his pants up for him as he spoke.

"Yeah, Hotch?" he said, smiling down at me because of what I was doing. I smiled right back with a wink, fixing up and straightening out his pants before I saw his smile falter.

A ball of disappointment started to roll in the pit of my stomach as I heard Spencer say, "Oh..." rather sadly. If I had to take a guess, he was probably being called into work again so soon, and once again I would be left alone.

"O—Okay, I'll be right in," he said, confirming my suspicions. Once he said goodbye, He put his phone back in his pocket and smiled at me apologetically. "Sorry I have to leave so soon, I was hoping to spend at least a little more time together before I left."

And I was kind of hoping I'd ask you to stay... "Oh, it's okay... I guess... absence makes the heart grow fonder?"

We both laughed a little, though it was clear the mood was still a bit dismal. So to lighten it I sat up a bit straighter and smirked, spreading my legs a little and feeling his cum slowly drip out. "Well, why don't you take a picture or two? Something to remember me by?"

I could tell he appreciated the playfulness I put forth, but he didn't take his phone out. "That's the thing about having an eidetic memory, I won't need a picture. Anytime I want, I can just remember you like this. Plus, I won't risk anyone else seeing anything."

I scoffed with a smile. "Please... I would hope you aren't looking at the pictures I send you in a room full of your colleagues."

"I don't. But I do work with a bunch of profilers, all of whom would just love to tease me until the end of time if they ever discovered what I was doing with you in my free time."

I was going to say something, but he cut me off, stepping forward and bringing his hand down to brush against the inside of my thigh. "But, if it'll make you feel better... I can give you something to remember me by..."

"What's that?" I breathed out, looking up at him as his hand travelled to my pussy.

He dipped his middle finger inside of me and felt around, leaning forward until his lips were barely brushing mine. My whole body seemed like it was going to crumble down at any given second, when he spoke quietly. "A taste."

"Of... what?"

He brought his finger out of me and brought it to my lips, and I took it in without even thinking. I groaned around him as he spoke again, his gaze unwavering and downright life-ruining. "Us. This is what we taste like together... A perfect harmony. Don't you think?"

I wanted to tell him that he wouldn't know because he hadn't actually tasted it himself, but the whole thing was so fucking hot that I didn't even bother arguing. I just sat there, whining around his finger as he all but stared into my soul.

His finger slipped out of my mouth and ran along my chin as he tilted it up. "I want you to clean yourself up just like that. You can send me a picture when you're done so I can see, yeah?"

"And... What if I don't?"

Spencer smiled knowingly, taking one more swipe of his finger through me before bringing it to his own lips, sucking it clean like anyone would have with food, and stepping back from me completely. "You will."

He left, and I could have sworn I felt my soul leave my body.

***

I'm not sure where that came from, exactly. But Y/N had brought out this other side of me that was almost jarring as much as it was sexy. She was everything seductive and enticing that the world had to offer, and it fueled me in a way I couldn't explain. In fact, I was almost positive she wouldn't send any pictures, because what the hell kind of request was that? I certainly never would have thought of it before, but she gave me all these filthy thoughts and ideas that I never would have been able to dream up otherwise.

Which, precisely, is why I was second-guessing everything. I focused on what work we had to do, of course, but once we were settled in on the jet and on our way to the next city, I brought out my phone to text her.

But I wasn't sure what I would say. I'd have to find a way to apologize, of course, in case my request had been too weird, and that I definitely should have asked her if she was okay with me telling her what to do like that. I knew about dominant and submissive dynamics in sex of course, but that's not the type of relationship we had. And, to be completely honest, if anyone was going to be the dominant role in that dynamic, it most definitely would have been her. While I could be confident and somewhat in control when we had sex, and while sometimes she took on a rather submissive approach to our sessions and I found myself deeply turned on by that, I was not confident in my dominant side. I never could take full control like that, and with some of the things I've seen and experienced from Y/N, that role was definitely better suited for her than me.

But in the end it all came down to us trying new things. Or... rather, me trying new things. I figured she was way more experienced than me from the beginning, and that still remained true, though by the reaction I've had from her a few times, especially after tonight, it seemed I'd shaken her up a bit.

Whether that was a good thing or not would be dependent on how this conversation went.

I turned on my phone to see that I had three photos and one video attachment. My heartbeat picked up immediately, and I quickly shut it off to compose myself, already having a feeling of what might be there.

About a minute later, I got up to use the bathroom while everyone was catching up on some sleep. This was a bit of a longer flight than we were used to, so it kind of worked in my favor. But just to be safe, I snuck in the earbuds that came with the phone as well.

Once the door was shut, I leaned back against it and plugged in the earbuds, simultaneously trying to navigate through the phone to get to my messages. And once I was situated, I put the earbuds in and looked at the pictures first.

The first one could only be described as a 'before' photo, showcasing her pussy exactly how I left it, and that alone was enough to start a stirring in stomach. I examined the picture intently, feeling myself grow harder in my pants, and I knew this was dangerous. But somehow that made it all the more exciting. It was a good thing I decided to stay in the bathroom.

The second photo showed Y/N's middle and pointer fingers spreading herself wide, everything exposed and glistening. I looked at that one longer, but the third one took me out and made me slump my head against the door with a soft groan. She was pouting slightly, her bottom lip dripping with what was obviously the cum I'd left her with. I didn't even want to watch the video, because I knew once I did I'd be a goner. I didn't even know exactly what it would be, but it didn't matter, because no matter what Y/N did she would tear down every defense I had. Everything I thought I knew, my ability to think straight, all of it would be gone with one word—Hell, one look.

I managed to take a deep breath before opening the video and adjusting the volume. And knowing it was probably going to do some damage to me, I stood in front of the toilet, making sure the door was locked before taking my dick out of my pants and slowly starting to stroke it.

Through the screen, I saw that Y/N had repositioned the camera so that I had a full-body view of her on her kitchen table. I wasn't sure how she was able to keep her phone propped up or where it was, but as she started to move, I didn't really care one way or the other.

"I've already sent you some pictures, which I hope you looked at first, but I figured this would be... better proof," she was saying, her legs spreading wide so I had a perfect view of everything. She brought her hand down to circle her clit a few times, and the longer she went on, the louder and more obscene the sounds were.

"Fuck," I breathed as quietly as I could, taking everything in as my hand worked my dick a little faster. I could have watched her do just that forever.

But she went the next step, plunging two fingers inside herself and pumping them in and out slowly. Every once in a while she removed her hand and cleaned off her fingers, looking into the camera and burning a hole straight through me as she moaned.

"You're right," she said, scooping up more of our mess and spreading it around. "We do taste perfect. I think I'm gonna savor it for a while... Take my time."

Her fingers were torturously slow, and even though she taunted, I knew it was killing her, because it was written all over her face—her whole body, really. As her face contorted and her body seemed to shake, I wanted to tell her through the phone that she could go faster, that she didn't have to make it this hard, but I couldn't. All I could do was watch, and listen as she fingered herself and all of it was burning me up from the inside out.

By the time two minutes had passed, it looked like my cum was gone, but she was still going, determined to bring herself to release another time. Her fingers moved fast and hard, the glorious wet sounds combining symphonically with her moans and whimpers. As I could see her getting close, it was like I was there with her, feeling myself get there as well. I knew it wouldn't be long now, though I wished we could have done this forever. And if I was being honest with myself, I was probably going to do this more than once as long as we were still seeing each other.

What happened next surprised me, because... well, simply put, I wasn't expecting it. And I don't think she was either, because the pure blissful shock that plastered over her features as she tensed and squirted almost sent me into cardiac arrest.

I came then, trying desperately to keep quiet as I took in the image of Y/N coming undone right with me.

I was catching my breath when she sighed out with a smile and a laugh. She looked exhausted, but completely blissful and serene all the same as she spoke. "Fuck, I didn't expect that... But next time it happens, I want you here with me. Got it, Stranger?"

Although she couldn't hear me, I responded with a light, yet truly sincere, "Yes, Ma'am."

***

The studio had been empty for hours, and nothing ever made me happier. Truthfully, it was always my favorite part of the work day, when I went in early, when the sun was still below the horizon and almost everyone was still asleep. That was when I felt most creative, and after about two hours of messing around on the piano and acoustic guitar, I was still going strong.

Maybe I had Spencer to blame for that. For a week now he'd been gone, extremely busy with work, and I didn't get to see him in person, but we sent texts and pictures and videos all the time. Just last night we even video-chatted for a good three hours before he inevitably had to return to his job. And while I missed him, if anything I think the distance was good. Because while we spent time communicating, I was also able to focus on work and myself, and I didn't constantly have to worry about things moving too fast. Things couldn't move fast if there wasn't any physical contact, right?

I mean, sure, At this point I was practically craving his touch and his presence, but I knew that once we did get to see each other again, it would be practically electric. There was so much we'd talked about over the phone that we would probably have enough to keep us busy until he got called away again. And then the cycle would repeat.

But maybe that was wishful thinking. I liked this system, even if we hadn't really been at it for long. All I knew, though, was that it was currently working, and I was feeling incredible about my life in its current state.

I wished it could have stayed that way forever.

By the time Jules walked in, I'd written about two songs and was currently working on a third. The studio was littered with sticky-notes and notebook paper from all the ideas I had, and she shrugged off her thin jacket with a laugh. "How many songs has it been today?"

I set the guitar down and went to pick up some of the notes, organizing them haphazardly. "Two. Working on a third."

"Damn, Y/N, you've been on a roll this week. Hell, all month. So... Who's the inspiration?"

Shoving some of the notes into a folder, I raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Jules sat down at the large coffee table in the middle of the room and spread out, shaking her head slightly to the side to removed the auburn bangs from her eyes. "I'm a musician, too, Y/N, I know when inspiration strikes, and I especially know when it's because of a certain someone. So... Who are they?"

I hesitated saying anything, but Jules was right, and there was no way I'd be able to convince her nothing in particular was happening. So, I tried to keep it as vague as possible. "Oh, uh, this guy I met at a bar at open mic night."

She whistled as I took a seat across from her. "Damn... The sex must be pretty good if you're cranking out songs like an industrial machine."

I felt heat rise to my cheeks, but I nodded all the same. "Well, you'd be right. It's, uh... it's going pretty well."

"I'll say, you're practically glowing. Good for you, babe."

I could tell she wanted to say more, ask tons of questions (more specifically, when's the wedding?), but she knew me enough to refrain. She knew how I did with relationships, and she knew just how private I was. On multiple occasions she'd ask me why I was a musician if I didn't like sharing my personal life with people, but I'd always retorted with a simple truth: You didn't have to show anything to anyone if you didn't want to. There were thousands of different things to write about, and the beauty of storytelling was that you could create whatever you wanted, no matter how true it was to you.

As the day went on, and more of the writers for our friend's new album came in to work, I was pulled out of the 'relationship' headspace and plunged into work.

Honestly, I was relieved. Not because I didn't like thinking about Spencer, but the exact opposite.

That feeling wasn't something I was used to, and I wanted it to go away. At least while I was working, so I could focus on one thing at a time. I didn't let people in, and I didn't want to let them in if I could help it, and I certainly didn't like when things moved too fast, which they always seemed to do. And this time was no different, only now I think it was me who was starting to feel things too early.

It was searing. It was slowly starting to consume me, burning me from the inside out, and I didn't know what to do.

So I did the only think I did know how to do, and that was ignore it, replacing it with music, the one true comfort I'd ever known. I drowned myself in the cool ocean of work, merely hoping it would be enough to quell the frantic, petrifying, and rapidly growing wildfire that would surely be my downfall. And for a while it seemed like it was working.

And yet, somehow, by the time I left the studio, there was a dull ache in my chest that left me confused and scared.

Suddenly I was glad for that night we'd been interrupted before I asked him to stay, and that I never got the chance to follow through. I don't know what I would have done then. Because if that feeling, when he inevitably agreed and stayed the night, was anything like how I was feeling now, then it probably would have been a lot worse.

All the same, I came to the realization that no matter what I did or didn't do, he would always be there, taking up some amount of space in my being that refused to let go.

Whether I liked or not.

***

“I knew it when you looked my way That I’d be begging you to stay. I couldn’t say it to myself.

I felt a burning in the way I held on when you pulled away. I couldn’t say it to myself.

—Maggie Rogers, Say It

SERIES TAGLIST: @meowiemari @secretsilockaway​

Tags not working: @bluesunrise02 @teenwolfgirl90 

[chao-writes-stuff]

DELTARUNE SPOILERS

Heyyy! I wrote a thing involving Jevil and the Chapter 2 Superboss! I'm going to put it under the cut, but at the end, there will also be an Ao3 link if you wanna support me there!

Thank you! Remember to Reblog if you wanna

The Lightner Trio walked down the stairs in the Queen's massive manor, their hurried footsteps echoing like a rough pitter-patter in the technological nightmare. The massive lair confused and bamboozled them, but they definitely wanted to figure out the mystery behind what the Fountains were about, what Queen's true intentions were… and what was in the basement?

"Uhh… Kris?" Ralsei asked, his soft voice echoing out. "Why are we even here? Aren't Queen, Noelle, and Berdly upstairs? And not here…?"

Susie quickly interrupted him, punching his arm lightly to get his attention. "Of COURSE they aren't here. But whatever is here is probably important. Right, Kris?"

"I guess!" The currently blue human replied. "I've been asked by some… guy, about doing these weird favors for him. He really wants me to be alone."

"We sure he ain't a p-" Before Susie could finish her thought, Ralsei muffled her mouth with his scarf. "Who is he? And why does he want you to be alone?"

"His name is Spamton, I think. I don't know much about him, but he gave me this Loaded Disk earlier, and--"

Suddenly, a strange, chaotic voice rang out. Everyone recognized it. The tail attached to Ralsei's cloak popped off, diamonds and hearts flying out with it. The tail spun and took form, and the chaotic Jester they quite literally put to rest yesterday was reawakened.

"Spamton? SPAMTON? The same Spamton who wished for me to go, to go, and be free, free?" Jevil laughed chaotically, with Ralsei caught quite off guard. "You know him?"

"That dorito chip was part of the reason why I was set free, he was! He used to rule this world, before the Queen I've been hearing oh so much about took over. Oh, I MUST know more of how you met that ridiculous lunatic! And that's coming from ME, ME! Spamton, oh Spamton, I'd like to have a word with him~!" Jevil looked quite pissed off, his normally jovial expression looking slightly stern.

"I didn't wanna go down there anyway. Just come back, okay? You're kind of carrying us with your defense boost." Kris, with a neutral expression, gave the clown the disk they were gifted by the malignant salesman, and watched as Jevil immediately sprinted off into the basement. They could hear an echoed "Buh bye~! I'll be back in a few hundred words!" As the jester descended into the decrepit basement below...

Jevil entered the musty, rotting cellar. Despite him rarely stepping on the ground, each step he did take left a haunting impact on his feet. It was silent, save for the occasional rustling of his clothes. He didn't have long to do this. His physical form only had a few hours to be out and about before he solidified, just like the young boy and the puzzle freak. Thankfully, that's all he needed. He was getting excited, almost giddy, to interact once more with his old acquaintance. Oh, what a wonderful conversation they'd have!

He didn't walk for too much longer before he found the train station that was buried deep below. Or was it a roller coaster? Whoever had this built clearly had some elaborate roundabout in mind… too bad they were still imprisoned, haha! Jevil walked and floated across the tracks, reaching a room with a decaying robot inside.

He knew this was a bad idea. But when did he ever have good ideas?

Without hesitating, the joker put the disk into the robot. At first, nothing happened, and he was getting impatient VERY quick. He gave the robot a swift kick in the lower area, before stepping back out of the room.

Step…

Step…

SLAM! The clown was admittedly caught off guard with how fast the silhouette from above came and pushed him onto his knees. With a small gasp for air, Jevil looked up slowly at the encroaching menace. The jagged movements, the glitchy, unsolidified form… this was him alright.

"KRIS… MY LOYAL [Sponge!] THANK… YOU. THE [Clown Around Town!] I REMEMBER YOUR [Disgusting] FACE. EVERYONE WAS SO [Thrilled] TO SEE YOUR [Calcified] FACE." The massive robotic behemoth loomed over Jevil, rage in his glasses. Spamton NEO.

The clown got up, a smug, shitfaced expression on his mug. He knew damn well that the dorito in front of him was pissed off, so he leaned back in the air to retort. "At least I drink plenty of milk, uee hee hee! As for you, you haven't changed one bit since we last spoke~! Or would it be a byte, a byte? Regardless, I do hope you've given up on the illusion of freedom, freedom~! The only one who can be free is MEEE!"

The robotic menace swung around to the other side of Jevil, making it very clear who was in charge of the conversation. A small concentrated blast of Pipis was fired at the jester, pushing him back with a surprising amount of force. "YOU ACT SMUG, BUT YOU [Crashed our stocks!] AND THEN YOU [Spoiled relations with our Esteemed Partners!] I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU… GOT IN HERE, YOU… [Tuna Fish,] BUT I'M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR [Roundabout!] AGAIN!"

Jevil laughed maniacally at this thought. This guy was mad! Over something that happened how long ago? Why even bother holding a grudge still? Petty, petty! He knew why, and it's why he came back too. "You influenced him. That pretty little kitty. You gave him enough funds to release me into that carousel of bliss and innocence! But I wasn't done, not one bit! And all those years, spent being free… they made me realize something, my dearest Spamton."

The oddly calm tone coming from the jester put Spamton NEO at an incredible amount of unease. "WHAT? WHAT COULD YOUR [Calcified Lump] THINK OF THAT WOULD MEAN ANY GODDAMN THING TO ME?"

"I CAN DO ANYTHING!"

The joker used his latent power to pelt the giant mecha with small white hearts. Spamton was caught off-guard, stumbling back a fair amount. Of course, you have to fight fire with fire, so the robot used his abilities to send out a Big Shot of blue Spamton Head Pipis.

"YOU [Saturated Marketshare!] YOU CAN'T SIMPLY ATTACK ME AND EXPECT IT TO WORK [As seen on TV!] I'M A [BIG SHOT!] [BIG SHOT!!!]"

Jevil hopped up onto the ceiling, clearing the first few Pipis on the lower row heading his way. Unfortunately, the higher row caught him clean in the face as he bounced between the two, making a small Jack-in-the-box melody as he pinged around.

"SPAMTON, MY BELOATHED! I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND, UNDERSTAND, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE TRAPPED IN A CAGE WITH A SHARK, A SHARK! YOU GET BITTEN AND CHEWED UP!"

The fool retaliated by running circles around Spamton, turning into a carousel of horse bullets! The robot, in a surprising feat of puppeteering, dodged the attack almost perfectly… until a stray horsie cut a string, sending the mech's right arm into the horse race. One thing about arms with cannons on them? They fire.

As soon as it happened, Jevil was face to face with a swarm of Pipis all around him. He was stuck. All of them exploded brilliantly, sending the clown flying clean across the rotting tracks and into the wall. Tauntingly, mockingly even, Spamton NEO retorted.

"I'M THE SHARK NOW, JEVIL! I'VE CHEWED UP SO MANY [Failed Buisness Partners] THAT I COULD MAKE A WHOLE [Presentation] OUT OF THEM! STAY OUT OF MY GODDAMN WAY, OR [Sparkle like new!] YOU BRAT."

The buisnessman charged at Jevil, his hands becoming phones. "IT'S FOR YOU." Suddenly, before either of them could react, loud blasts of garbage noise manifest expelled from the phones, attacking the court jester with white blasts of energy. There was nothing he could do to stop this robot's onslaught, it looked like.

"OH SPAMTON, IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK? THAT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S SO POWERFUL RIGHT NOW, NOW? I'D SUGGEST YOU LOOK UP, UP! YOU'RE NOTHING WITHOUT THOSE STRINGS IMPRISONING YOU, UEE HEE HEE! YOU'RE NOT A BIG SHOT, YOU'RE JUST A LAZY FRAUD WHO CAN'T STOP HANGING ON TO HIM! I GUESS SLEEPING FOR 100 YEARS DOESN'T MAKE LITTLE OLD ME MISS MUCH, RIGHT?"

Without warning, Jevil was myseriously gone from his corner. The spamware looked frantically for his target, before being struck in the arm, the leg, and the chest by scythes. Devilsknives. The last knive cut a few strings clean off the puppet, who briefly hit the ground before rising back up.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! [Hyperlink Blocked.] I'M STILL HIS LOYAL ASSOCIATE! HE MAY NOT HAVE TALKED TO ME IN [Employee of The Month for 144 months!] BUT HE'S STILL THERE…"

Jevil interrupted him cleanly and concisely. "FACE IT. YOU'RE NO BIG SHOT ANYMORE, SPAMTON G. SPAMTON. ALL YOU ARE IS A FAILED INVESTMENT, UEE HEE HEE!"

With those words, a purple blast came from behind the clown, striking the robot right in the noggin. He flew back a bit, giving the joker enough time to turn around to meet his esteemed guests.

"Ah, my imprisoners~! Didn't you guys have a Queen to rock-em sock-em?"

Susie immediately cut him off, as she punched him in the arm (causing his head to spring up, naturally.) "Well, Kris over here couldn't shake the feeling things were off. So they forced us down here, and now they're right. Somehow?"

"I know I'm right.. Jevil, who the hell is Spamton?" Kris replied, their worry about the situation starting to rise.

"It's of no concern to you~! His screws were almost as loose as mine, and I don't think it's my job to tighten them~! Uee hee hee! Thank you for the help, but I can do anything~! Even tell you guys that 3 coasters are about to come down and force you guys along for the ride~!"

Ralsei immediately stuttered something out. "Three… what?"

And just like that, with a loud rumbling, the heroes were swept up into 3 old, rusty carts, barrelling down the track. Jevil laughed to himself, proud of what he got to do. "Ah well, it's a shame I can't finish him personally…"

"But oh well! Are you proud, proud? They took care of him…"

"Doctor."

Ao3 Link!