#without there first being notification of termination

[myownprivatcidaho]

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[pprodsuga]

tides of regret | heeseung

summary: in the year since heeseung first rejected your love confession, you've tried everything to get over him. a trip to europe makes you realize you miss your former best friend more than anything, and it makes heeseung realize he's got it all wrong.

notes: aaand she's here! this is 24.4K words worth of my heart and soul. consider this a token of my appreciation for welcoming me on enhablr. i sincerely hope you enjoy it. <3

deep cuts: #1

warnings: angst/internal self doubt, playful banter, dirty talking, praise, slight degradation, oral (m and f receiving), dry humping, fingering, mentions of exhibitionism and face sitting, nipple sucking, spit, brief moment of anal (tongue only), condom removal, unprotected sex, creampie.

For @enha-stars – may this story rip you apart and stitch you back together.

masterlist

Incheon feels lonely at three in the morning. 

The overhead lights being turned off because of the lack of travelers at this hour makes the airport feel bigger than it actually is. It’s too quiet without the familiar sounds of luggage wheels on the linoleum or overhead speakers announcing flight changes every ten minutes. You don’t think you’ve ever been to an airport so early in your life. 

It’s quiet enough to leave you alone with your bothersome thoughts. In the years you’ve been away from home as you studied abroad, you can’t help but feel a gravitational pull towards life in Seoul and the people in it. The familiarity of your home outweighs the adventure you once yearned for in your youth, and now you’re left with the exciting notion that, this time, you’ll know when you’ll be coming back.

The terminal has an abundance of seating. Your backpack rests on the seat beside you as Jay double checks the gate number while the rest of your friends find a spot on the seats next to you, attempting to find an ounce of comfort in the dimly lit area.

“I know leaving early saved us hundreds of dollars, but I need sleep,” Sunghoon says from beside you. His usually well kept hair falls in all sorts of places like he woke up without a second thought and hailed a taxi the minute he opened his eyes. 

“You’ll thank me later,” Jay says. “We can sleep on the plane.”

“Our flight doesn’t leave for another two hours,” Jake whines from beside him as he yawns. “How am I supposed to sleep on these god forsakes chairs?” 

“Quit whining and try,” Jay retorts. He looks behind him to see the rest of your friend group approach before glancing over to you. “Doing okay?” 

“How come Y/N gets preferential treatment?” Jake beckons. 

“Because she isn’t a nuisance like you,” Jay immediately fires back before diverting his attention towards you again. 

“I’m alright,” you say, stifling a yawn behind your hand. “Just cold and sleepy.” 

“Hopefully they turn off the damn AC,” Sunghoon says as he pulls his sweatshirt over his head. “I feel like my veins are being injected with ice.”

“It’ll warm up when more people come,” Jay reasons. “I wish there was a coffee stand that was open. I need a cup.” 

“I could go for one,” you agree. “I’m trying to stay awake for the next couple of hours so I can sleep on the plane.” 

The rest of your friend group appear behind Jay and you look down to check your phone for any notifications when Heeseung catches your eye. It takes you by surprise and you abruptly look back at your screen and busy yourself by aimlessly scrolling through social media as he attempts to occupy the empty seat beside you, but Jake beats him to it.

“I’m gonna freeze to death and then all of you are gonna have to deal with my frozen body.” Jake dramatically slouches down onto the seat until his head finds your shoulder, nuzzling his cheek as if trying to find comfort in you. “Jesus, Y/N, you’re so warm.”

You laugh. “I wore layers.” 

“You’re gonna regret that when we get on the plane,” Jake mumbles. 

Heeseung, from the corner of your eyes, opts to move to the seats in front of you. You try not to pay him any mind.

You snort. “Yeah, well I can take these layers off while you freeze until you become an icicle.” Jake hums when you let your head fall onto his. 

“You know I’m not built for the cold. Australia’s my home.”

“And yet you moved to Korea,” Sunghoon provokes. 

Jungwon and Riki are rummaging through the bag of snacks you’d brought for an early breakfast until the restaurants and coffee stands around you open up. Jake’s right, it’s far too cold to stop shivering, but you suppose you’re grateful that the discomfort distracts you from sleeping too early. 

“I can’t believe we’re finally going on this trip,” Sunoo says from above you. With your head still on Jake’s, you turn to look at the boy speaking. “I’m really excited for you to show us where you’ve been for the past four years.”

A tiny smile graces your lips. “I’m excited to show you around London and Paris. The latter is a two hour train ride. My friends and I would go every few weekends or so to explore the city. Pictures and videos don’t do them justice.” You sigh as you reminisce. “I really did think that I’d end up living there when I graduated.” 

“Why didn’t you?” 

“Missed home too much, I guess.” You shrug. “Though, I can’t believe Riki went through a growth spurt in the last two years that I was gone.”

“You went back to Okayama before Y/N came back for holiday break, right?” Jungwon asks, looking between the both of you.

“That’s right,” Riki says. “I was sad that I couldn’t see you before you went back to school.”

“Now he’s twice my height.” You gesture at the younger boy. He’s too shy with the sudden affection and chooses to bury his head in Jungwon’s shoulder. “You were so little.”

“Shut up,” he mumbles. 

“I can’t believe you’re fluent in English now.” Jungwon pushes Riki off of his arm. “You, Jake, and Jay are kind of scary when you speak English.”

“It was a little hard at first. I used to watch a lot of American cinema so I could understand it better than I could speak it. But I can’t lie, it’s fun being able to talk to them in English.”

“You were so cute trying to string phrases together during your first summer back,” Jay coos. “Texting her in English was funny because she couldn’t understand the difference between spelling.”

“Poor Jake.” You pull your head from his and look down at him. “You probably had aneurysms looking at my grammar.” 

You lift your head to see that the aforementioned has fallen asleep amongst the conversation with his mouth slightly ajar and soft snores echoing past your ear. You don’t move when Jay asks if you want Jake off of your shoulder, but you shake your head.

Conversation falls flat when the group unanimously decides that sleepiness is overtaking the need to socialize. Jay keeps checking his watch to look out for the time while your eyes try to look anywhere but at Heeseung. 

It’s odd, the way two people can lose a friendship overnight. The heartbreak that came with romantic rejection wasn’t nearly as bad as realizing texts and phone calls were far fewer in between the moment you had arrived back in Europe to finish your studies. It hurt to know that neither one of you felt comfortable enough to see each other when you were back in your hometown unless the two of you were invited to hang out with mutual friends. 

Still, seeing Heeseung after he had rejected your confession felt like a punch to the gut. 

Long gone were the days of being able to send him unimportant updates about your life abroad or what you were doing at any given summer day back home. You couldn’t ask him to go to the restaurants you used to frequent near his house or yours. You certainly couldn’t call him at random hours because you were bored and missed his voice. 

It wasn’t for the lack of trying. It felt like things might've gone back to normal after a short period of not talking, but your texts going unanswered and your calls going to voicemail was all you needed to know. 

Perhaps it’s why you’re comfortable spearheading this vacation with Jay, who had made it a point to visit you in London when you’d chosen to stay behind instead of going home for the holiday break. The two of you had never spent time alone prior to then, but it touched you that he’d go out of his way to dedicate an entire day to visit you when he was there for a family vacation. 

Coming back to Korea the summer after graduating felt like you were making the right choice, even if your head was telling you to find a home in Europe. Still fresh from your unresolved rejection, stepping off of the plane and knowing you wouldn’t be returning back to your university’s town made the uncomfortable reality of coming face-to-face with Heeseung sink in. You’d have to live with the consequences. 

But it’s been eight months since you returned, six months since Jay’s dad was gracious enough to offer you a position on his marketing team, and five months since he encouraged your entire friend group to take a trip to your old stomping grounds. 

The proposition felt too sudden, especially with how little experience you had working with his team, but you’d spend an evening with the Park family for him to consider you an honorary member. Though, you’re sure Jay might’ve told him something happened between you and Heeseung, especially after telling everyone you wouldn’t be coming home for the holidays. 

To this day, you haven’t uttered a single word to your friends about what happened the night Heeseung rejected your love confession. If you know him as well as you think you do, you don’t think he's told anyone either. 

“Cafes are opening up,” Jay notes. Sunghoon’s ears perk up. “Three of us should go get food and drinks while the rest save our seats.” 

The airport overhead lights must’ve turned on while you were deep in thought. Jay’s right, the coffee stands have opened and it’s likely due to the new influx of travelers who’ve arrived at the airport. Foot traffic is still light and you know Jay wants to get ahead of the crowd. 

Jake has woken up because of the growing murmur around him and lifts himself off of your head to wipe the sleep out of his eyes. He yawns once more but tries his best not to fall asleep again.

“How long was I out?”

“Twenty minutes, give or take,” Sunghoon answers.

“Sorry for sleeping on you,” Jake apologizes. 

“It’s okay. You needed it.” He scrunches his face, not used to the new lighting. “Jay, I’ll come with you to get coffee. I need to stretch my legs.” 

“I’ll help as well.” Heeseung speaks for the first time in a while and his voice nearly catches you off guard. 

“Sure.” Jay gathers everybody’s orders before the two of you follow him around the terminal. 

The line isn’t unbearably long, but with Heeseung towering behind you, it feels like you’ve been standing for hours. You shift from one foot to the other in order to find a happy medium to no avail. Jay orders for the group and you pay attention to him more than you care to when you realize Heeseung is now standing beside you to make room for more people to wait in line. He’s considerate like that and you hate it. 

When the baristas are finished with your order, you reach for the bag of sandwiches in your haste to escape Heeseung. But your fingers touch the steam and you drop the bag into the counter with a hiss.

“Careful,” Heeseung says. “Don’t get hurt, please.” 

Your clumsy nature was always something he teased you for. Heeseung sounds so sincere about his worry that you think you’d rather him pour all of the hot coffee on you instead. 

“Thanks.” You grab the bag with so much as a single moment of eye contact before realizing Jay has started walking back. 

Breakfast is eaten in silence. Everyone is too tired to speak, save for Jake whose twenty minute nap has rendered him a little more awake than the rest of you. You and Sunghoon share your egg sandwich and chocolate croissant respectively without a word spoken between the two of you. 

Meanwhile, Heeseung is staring at the way your thighs are close to Sunghoon’s. He had shifted his body closer to yours in order to form a makeshift table so that sharing pastries wouldn’t result in crumbs on the floor. You can feel Heeseung's gaze on your kneecap and it makes your face flush. 

Sunoo and Jake offer to throw everybody’s trash away when you’re all done eating. The airport is in full swing by now and everyone has said their graces and apologized to Jay for giving him a hard time with how early they arrived. 

It seems that sleep has threatened to overtake you. You’re waiting in line to scan your plane ticket and board the aircraft, but the sudden warmth of the airport has caused you to yawn a few too many times. Riki’s standing in front of you and his height makes for a perfect makeshift wall to lean on. Or, that’s what your tired brain is telling you, because you slouch forward and let your cheek rest against his back as you close your eyes. 

“Sleepy girl,” you hear him chuckle. You merely nod in acknowledgement. 

Your comfort is short lived when he softly nudges you because the line has moved. Soon, you scan your ticket and give the airline agent a smile as thanks before waiting to set foot on the aircraft. 

Sunghoon notices your dropped shoulders and wordlessly takes your backpack off of you. 

“You don’t need to do that,” you say with a frown when you see Sunghoon carrying your belongings with him. 

“Let me hold it,” says Sunghoon. “You look like you’re about to fall over with the extra weight.” 

“If you insist.”

“Let us take care of you, yeah?” Jay interrupts, bumps his shoulder with yours. “You’ve been running all over Europe these past four years and we’ve only seen you a handful of times. You deserve to relax on this trip.” 

“I can’t believe you guys are being so sweet on me. I know that’s ending the second we get back to Korea.” 

The two boys laugh. “Well, it’s only fair, I guess. You’re like, the mom friend.”

“Jay is the mom friend.” The aforementioned doesn’t argue. 

The squeeze of the aircraft is tight and you’re desperately trying to look for your seat. It seems that Sunghoon is sitting in your row, which excites you, but you’ve come to realize that you’ve obtained the ungodly middle seat. You make peace with it for a brief moment before Heeseung clears his throat awkwardly.

“Let’s switch seats,” he says from behind you. His ticket shows the window seat right next to yours. “I know you hate middle seats.” 

“No, I couldn’t ask that of you.” 

“You’re not asking.” He says it with a smile and it makes you cower into yourself. “You should move to your new seat so we don’t hold up the line.” 

Heeseung suggests it in a way that is reminiscent of the days where he’d give up his sweet treats because you wanted a taste. It tugs at your heartstrings but you don’t have time to think about that when you notice how the plane is starting to fill up. 

Reluctantly, you slide into the window seat while Heeseung and Sunghoon follow suit. Your seat belts are buckled and in no time, the aircraft takes flight. 

For the next hour, Heeseung looks like he wants to say something to you. The headphones you've brought do well to cancel out the noise, for the most part. You can see from the corner of your eye that he glances at you from time to time, but you ignore it and choose to get comfortable for the long haul. 

When you notice the flight attendants come with the beverage cart, you take it as a cue to get comfortable and try to get some sleep for the next few hours. Likely due to the lack of sleep from the night prior, you fall asleep as soon as your head rests against the plane.

You don’t hear Heeseung requesting an extra bottle of water for you.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

When you come to, you’re barely able to register that it’s time to eat the first meal on the flight. You take your headphones off and put it in your backpack as you blink the sleep out of your eyes. 

“Chicken or beef?” 

Heeseung looks at you, expecting an answer.

“Hm?”

He laughs softly. “Chicken or beef?” 

Your eyes dart between him and the flight attendants when you realize they’re about to approach.

“I heard them asking people which meal they want,” Heeseung explains. “So, chicken or beef?”

“Beef.” You clear your throat. 

“Beef it is.”

Sunghoon requests chicken when the flight attendant arrives. Heeseung orders beef for the both of you before you get the chance. If he notices you looking at him strangely, he doesn’t comment on it. 

The food comes quicker than expected and the meal tastes decent, though you’re trying your best not to elbow Heeseung as you cut away at your portion. He seems engrossed in the movie in front of him while you peek at what he’s watching—Iron Man, to no one’s shock. 

You soften a bit at the nostalgia that comes with Heeseung and Marvel, namely the rainy days in your youth spent marathoning the superhero movies. There had been one year in high school when he’d dressed up as Tony Stark and you as Pepper Potts despite a few girls your age whispering behind your back at the matching costumes out of jealousy. You don’t think you can think of the franchise without thinking of Heeseung. 

The memories almost bring a smile to your face. Heeseung seems to notice you glancing at his screen in between bites. You avoid eye contact when you realize he caught you staring and focus on cutting your meal, praying that Heeseung will stop looking at you and watch the movie instead. 

But he takes one earbud out and holds it to you. 

“Do you want to watch it with me?” He’s halfway through. You tell him such but he doesn’t care. 

“I don’t want to jump in halfway through.” 

“Come on, it’s not like you haven’t done that before.” 

Heeseung says it with such nonchalance that it makes your stomach drop. He sees the way your eyes falter for a moment and the way you glance between his hand and the screen. You try to come up with excuses to refuse his offer, but you’ve got eight more hours until you land.

“Sure,” you settle. Heeseung gives you one headphone and resumes watching.

Between the meals being picked up and tray tables being put away, you manage to fall asleep in your seat. Sunoo sits in front of you and upon coming back from a quick bathroom trip, sees your head resting on Heeseung’s shoulder with his cheek propped on your head. The two of you are fast asleep despite the credits rolling and he can’t help but snap a quick photo. 

You wake up some hours later when Sunghoon says your name. The cabin lights turning on temporarily blinds your vision as you wake up when you realize you’d managed to push yourself back enough to rest yourself against Heeseung’s arm. 

“Oh God,” you say in shock, pulling yourself and the seat upright. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”

“It’s okay,” he replies, like he means it. “Sleeping on planes is uncomfortable. But I know you know that.” 

You nod. “Yeah. It's too hard to get comfortable.”

“I can’t believe we’re spending two weeks in Europe. I’ve never been outside of Korea and Japan before. You’ll have to help me with my English.”

“Jay or Jake can also help with that.” You say it with a yawn and Heeseung’s eyes cast to the floor for a brief moment. You barely notice, gathering your own belongings as the flight descends. 

“Yeah, I guess they can.” 

When you land, the familiar disorientation of the time difference truly wakes you up. It’s eleven in the morning when the plane door finally opens and Jay’s moving a step ahead of you as he occupies space in the aisle way to grab his belongings. You follow suit and wait for your turn to exit amongst your friends and other travel goers.

Stepping out of the plane and into the familiar terrain of the Heathrow Airport reignites your attentiveness and you smile at the fond memories of being greeted by your university friends upon arriving. The familiar atmosphere of English travelers milling around the gate warms your chest with nostalgia. 

You wait for the boys to emerge before signaling Jay, who follows beside you as you walk towards the baggage claim area. You lead him with little trouble down the escalator as the rest of your friends follow suit, yawning in an attempt to wake themselves up. 

“It’s weird seeing you in your element,” Jay comments as he stands beside you, periodically checking the turnstile for his luggage. “A good kind of weird.” 

“This airport might as well be my second home,” you tell him. “It feels routine to wait for my luggage at this point.”

“I’m tempted to sleep when we get to the hotel but I don’t want to mess up my sleep schedule more than it already is.” Jay pulls his luggage. 

“Yeah, that’s smart. I think we should take an hour to freshen up and find a place to eat before we go exploring.”

“I can already hear Jake whining about it.” 

The two of you share a laugh. “He’ll just have to get used to it. We can have an early night and rest up before we explore tomorrow.” 

“He slept on the plane, for the most part,” Jay informs. “Surprisingly, he didn’t snore as loudly as he usually does.” He spots your luggage and takes it off of the belt for you. 

On the other side of the carousel, Heeseung and Sunoo are standing together to find their own luggages. 

“You guys looked pretty cozy,” Sunoo comments. “It was nice seeing you two like that again.”

“It felt nice,” he mutters. “I really missed her.” 

Heeseung doesn’t have to tell Sunoo what happened between the two of you for him to know that you two aren’t as close as you used to be. The older boy feels nearly ashamed that his own friends have caught up on his awkward demeanor.

“Well, she’s back for good and we’re here on vacation. Try not to dwell on whatever it is that’s making you think too hard.”

Heeeung laughs. “I’ll try, Sunoo. It’s just hard when we’re not as close. How can I compete when we’re in her college town and how will I talk to her in Paris?”

“Well, you never know,” Sunoo says as he picks up his luggage. “Anything can happen in the City of Love.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The hotel itself is modest in size. Quaint, old cobblestone surrounding the entryway like you remember it. The people are busy walking in and out of the meeting rooms in the lobby as you walk to the concierge to sort out the rooming situation. Jay stands beside to help distribute the keys and the employee behind the desk bids you a good stay. 

The view from the fifth floor is spectacular already. You catch glimpses of the streets of London below you, street lights decorating the sidewalk and flowers surrounding the city. This feels like the London you remember and it adds a slight pep in your step. 

“Alright, it’s decided that three of you are gonna share,” you say as you reach the first room. “The other four will be split into two rooms and I’ll get a room for myself.”

“That’s not fair,” Jake huffs. 

“I refuse to share a room with any of you.” You pocket the key to the single bedroom. “Plus, Jay’s mom helped me make the arrangements when we planned the trip.”

“Favoritism,” Jake coughs. You nudge his side.

“To make it fair, everyone will pick up a key card without knowing the room number and flip it. That’ll determine who you room with.”

“Alright,” Jungwon says. “Fair enough.”

One by one, your friends pick their key cards and discover their roommates. Jake, Sunoo, and Riki are the unlucky three who will be rooming together for the duration of the week. Jay and Sunghoon are in the room directly across from theirs while Heeseung and Jungwon share a room. 

“Let’s meet at the lobby in an hour,” Jay suggests. “We can get some lunch and do some exploring before deciding on dinner.”

“We can take it easy and sleep early tonight,” you add in. “I know that flying internationally is always a bitch and I try to time my sleep when I need to.”

The eight of you part ways. Your suite has a beautiful view of the sky and the room itself makes you feel like the main character of a romance film. The bed is just to your liking with pillows stacked to the nines. It feels nice to have a moment to yourself. With your friend Yunjin backing out of the trip at the last minute due to family conflicts, you hadn’t had time to think about anything other than arriving at the hotel safely. 

You busy yourself with a shower and freshen up, pulling out options for you to wear for the rest of the night. You settle with something stylish yet comfortable and put enough makeup on your face until you’re satisfied with the person staring back at you in the bathroom mirror. 

True to your word, you enter the lobby when you said you would. Jay and Sunghoon are already downstairs by the seats. Sunghoon stands to offer you the loveseat but you decline politely and sift through your phone until the rest of the guys arrive. 

When they do, it’s like all eight of you collectively agree that hunger has overtaken you. You know of a nearby cafe that serves sandwiches from your days in university. You lead them to the quaint restaurant that has your friends staring at the art on the walls as you greet the cashier and order. 

It’s a slow moment for the eight of you as you all eat in relative silence, the sound of quiet slurping audible from the coffees everyone has chosen to drink. 

“Did you spend a lot of time here?” Jungwon asks. 

“Around the area, yeah,” you say, looking around. The outdoor seating area is just towards the edge of the street with the weather being a cool, cloudy day. “I loved coming to cafe’s like these with my friends after class. We’d study until they kicked us out and then go for a drink or two.” 

“We should go to a pub while we’re here,” Jake suggests. “I’ve always wanted to see an English pub. We have a few back in Australia.” 

“I know just the place! My friend’s brother owns it and they know I’ll be in town for the next week. It would be nice to catch up with them.” 

“Hopefully your friends here kept you out of trouble,” Sunghoon teases. You flick him with your fingers. 

“I’m the most responsible one out of you seven and don’t you forget that.” 

“Do you miss being here now that you’re back?” Riki asks in between sandwich bites. “God, I love London already.” 

“You’re going to choke if you don’t slow down.” He apologies and takes a single bite. “Well, I think I miss my friends a lot. I don’t necessarily miss being in university, but I miss the freedoms that come with it.”

“I still can’t believe you spent four years of your life here,” Sunghoon says. “That’s insane when you think about how you cried when your aunt took you to Tokyo for a week when you were in middle school.”

The boys laugh and you frown. “I was twelve, okay? You wound me. But yeah, I think I grew out of my shell in high school and had this urge to travel but didn’t know how to do it. I was surprised when my parents encouraged me to apply to King’s College, even more so when I got accepted.”

“You’ve always been too good to stay in one place for too long,” Jake says. “We got close until halfway through our first year of high school, I think. I always got the sense that you wanted more than what our hometown could offer.” 

“I always wanted to move to the heart of Seoul eventually. But I think I needed to come here in order to figure that out.”

“Would you really have stayed in London if you had the chance?” 

You avoid looking at Heeseung, whose attention averted from his phone to you. 

“I don’t know,” you say honestly. “But what I do know is that I’m happy to be back in Korea and I’m happy to be traveling to Europe.” 

“You always did have that sense of adventure,” Heeseung says. “I remember you were the one who always got us in trouble when we explored a little too far.” 

“Your mom was pissed that time I walked a little too far down the shoreline when we went to Jeju.” The memory feels warm despite your discomfort at having Heeseung’s eyes on you. “I didn’t know who she wanted to kill more, me or you.”

“Definitely me. You could do no wrong in her eyes.”

“What happened?” Sunoo asks. 

“My family and Heeseung’s took a trip to Jeju Island when we were around seven, if I remember correctly. I’d taken swimming lessons and thought I could show off my new skills at the beach we were at, but there was a wave that was a bit too much for me to handle.”

“She was nearly swallowed by the ocean.” Heeseung hits his knee with his palm as he recalls the memory. “I mean, I was seven and it seemed like the wave was gigantic but to my mom, it must’ve been just tall enough that she could see over it.”

“She yelled at him for the rest of the night because she had to pull me out from under the water,” you add. “I was fine. My parents laughed it off but his mom was so pissed at him for not telling me to come back to the shore.”

Echoes of laughter fill the space. It feels nice to be able to laugh like this with Heeseung, temporarily forgetting why you were so awkward around him in the first place. 

When the check is paid, you lead the group around the area. Sunghoon takes out his camera and captures everything that inspires him while Sunoo and Riki are off to explore the shops around. It brings warmth to your chest to see your friends enthusiastically exploring the space you once called home. It had been a dream of yours since Jay came to visit and let you drag him around town for the day. Having them with you feels like you’re healing a part of yourself. 

You duck into the quiet bookstore you used to frequent while you were a student. Filled with novels and trinkets from floor to ceiling, it feels familiar to you. 

You get lost in thought when you glance at the books in front of you and you don’t notice Heeseung approaching. 

“Still love books?” 

“Jesus,” you gasp, clutching your chest. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” he laughs. “Seems like you still scare easily.” You hate that he knows you so well. Clearing your throat, you put the book back. 

“Yes, to both. I used to come to this bookstore a lot when I had free time.” 

He looks around. “It looks like a nice place.”

“They have a reading nook in the back. The owner is this sweet older woman who was the first person to help me with my English when I first moved. I think she let me read books for free because I used to bring her sweets.”

“That sounds like something you’d do.” You cast your eyes to the floor. “It’s crazy that there’s parts of you that I don’t know.” 

“Yeah,” you mumble solemnly. Heeseung’s eyes bore into the side of your face as you pretend to look at the titles of the books. 

“Do you talk to your college friends often?” 

“All the time. My closest friends live all over the place. Two of them are from the area, one went to live in the States, and a few live in Busan.”

“I’ll bet it was nice to have some Korean friends when you moved. I remember you used call me to tell me about your first semester here.” 

You can’t help but think about the first few months after you moved when you would call Heeseung for a bit of comfort when things felt too overwhelming. With Korea being nine hours ahead, you always felt a little too bothersome phoning when it was the middle of the night for him, not used to the time difference. But he always answered you or called back when he had the chance. 

You’d spend hours on the phone, talking to him about how difficult it was to learn English and how making friends was not as easy as you thought it would be. Navigating the city felt lonely and isolating because you’d barely made friends in your classes in the first few weeks. Heeseung was there through all of it, reminding you that being eighteen years old in a new country made you brave despite feeling like you were a failure for not grasping a hold on life like you thought you would. 

Falling asleep on the phone with him became a routine, too. Whether it was you who fell asleep after a long day or Heeseung, who had stayed up listening to your worries, the sound of his breathing made it feel like you were back home in Korea instead of exploring a grand new world. 

Soon enough, you could talk your way around and piece together conversations with your classmates until you’d found friends who shared similar interests. Heeseung was the first person you told and the first person to tell you how proud he was that you extended your roots to learn about yourself away from home. You always thrived off of his praise as if making him proud was something you never sought out to do, but appreciated when it happened.

But that was four years ago. Whatever friendship you had with him then is not the one you have with him now. 

“It was nice,” you settle. “I miss my college friends. You might get to meet some later in the week.” 

“Nice,” he mutters to himself when you walk past him. “That’s really nice.” 

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The rest of the week is spent in your old stomping grounds, from touring your campus, to shopping, to sightseeing. The eight of you split up more often than not to explore different areas based on mutual interest. You find that Heeseung tends to gravitate towards you and you aren’t sure if it’s because he feels guilty for rejecting you or because he genuinely wants to explore what you want to do. 

Still though, at least one other person joins you. It feels nice to have a buffer to avoid any awkward conversation or moments, especially when Heeseung trips over his words trying to talk to you. 

The week goes by too quickly for your liking. Spending time in London has felt like coming back home, in a way. You’ll always have your memories here and this city will remain the same when you return in the future. Now, it no longer feels like the place you escape too because things got too hard back home. 

Even with Heeseung next to you more often than not, you’ve found a happy medium The awkwardness dissipates when you set aside your indifference to show everybody your favorite places, watching them explore the city for themselves. 

As expected, Riki and Jake have spent a little too much on clothing with the hopes that they can fit it into their luggage on the way back. It fits miraculously. 

Your friend Leo, the one whose brother owns the pub you used to frequent, tells you he’s excited to see you after all these months. It’s a Friday night when you arrive, seeing it well populated. But it’s rather early in the evening before the rush hour, so you enjoy the relative quietness before people rush in. 

Heeseung, on the other hand, has been in a stupor for the latter half of the week. It began when he managed to talk to you in the bookstore, but blossomed when he watched you navigate your way around the city. You barely looked at your phone for directions and had no problem switching to English when you greeted shop owners. Hearing you speak fluently in a language you once struggled with in your childhood made him feel somewhat removed from your life. The two of you used to joke that he was always better with English. Now, the tables have turned. 

The fear that you’d told your school friends about what transpired between the two of you plants itself in the back of Heeseung’s mind. He worries that your friends won’t like him and that you’ve scorned his name, but he chides himself just as much as he worries because he knows you and how deeply you care about people. 

Heeseung wishes he could go back in time to change what happened. He wishes that he’d admit his mistake and confess to you before you left. It had taken him a long time to confront his own feelings, but seeing you back in Korea made him realize he didn’t care if the relationship was long distance or not. He didn’t care as long as you were in his life. 

The months spent apart without phone calls or texts were agony. He loathed hearing what you were up to from your mutual friends or when he accidentally watched your Instagram stories. Seeing you happy without him made his heart lurch, not out of possessiveness, but because he wished you were comfortable enough to share those moments with him. 

To boil it down, Heeseung hopes this trip can undo a year’s worth of his ignorance. 

But before he can think about that, your exclamation pulls him towards a strange man before you. 

“Leo!” 

The sheer volume of your voice doesn’t go unnoticed by Heeseung, who eyes the bloke the second you make a dash for him. His heart winces when your arms wrap around the stranger’s neck and as he spins you around, squeezing you for good measure. He isn’t pleased when Leo settles to let his arm rest around your waist instead of letting you go. He’s even less so when you don’t attempt to separate yourself from him. 

“Hey, pretty girl,” Leo says with a boyish grin, accent making Heeseung nearly roll his eyes. 

“This is Leo.” You let your head rest on his shoulder for a brief moment. “He’s one of my friends from university. I think we met in, what, second year?” 

“Second year, auditing class with Professor Donahue on Mondays and Wednesdays,” he says. “God, that class was so boring.” 

“He’s the friend whose brother owns the bar,” you explain to them. You introduce Leo to each friend respectively. “Jay and Jake are my friends who are fluent in English.” 

“You can speak it and understand it as well, right?” Leo asks as he shakes Heeseung’s hand.

He nods while giving him a tight smile. “Just a little. I’m practicing.” 

“Nah, you sound perfect already.”

Heeseung feels indifferent to see you in your element with people from your past. The bartender, who is Leo’s brother, tells you the first two rounds are on the house after he checks IDs. Riki and Jungwon are excited to have their first pub experience after you make them promise to take it slow and drink lots of water in between. 

“It’s a bit weird seeing her be like that,” Leo says to Jay with a laugh. “When we first got to know each other, it was me who had to tell her to watch how much she drank.”

“Y/N, drinking?” Jake asks. “No way. Back in Korea, she got drunk maybe twice a year.” 

“She and a mutual friend, Elizabeth, were as thick as thieves. They were like a package deal before we all graduated and until she moved to the States. They’d always go a little too hard after exam season was over or if people invited them out on a Saturday night.”

“Y/N’s always been the responsible one out of the bunch,” Jay adds. “In high school, there was one time she got so drunk that she nearly scaled the roof of my friend’s house. Heeseung nearly fell off trying to get her down. After that, she swore off alcohol.” 

Heeseung makes a few comments in the conversation as he watches you catch up with Leo’s brother and as you facilitate conversation between the rest of the guys. There’s a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realizes there’s a lot he doesn’t know about you. 

The two of you talked less as you became more comfortable in your environment. At first, Heeseung took it to heart and made the assumption that you’d chosen your friends in England over him, but a stern conversation with his mother made him realize he was being juvenile. He could only comfort you so much when he was oceans away. It was probably a good thing that you were talking to him less because that must’ve meant you were as overwhelmed or scared like you were when you first moved to England. 

You’d still call him a few times a week before bed–when Heeseung was getting ready for the day–to update him on everything that happened in the past week. You two texted more frequently than you conversed, sending him pictures of new places you’d discovered or him sending photos of your mutual friends with sad faces at the notion of you not being able to be there with them. 

Heeseung had always felt a bit jealous of your time abroad. He loved Korea, but he yearned for the same sense of adventure you once had. Only, he hadn’t figured it out until halfway through university when it was too late to transfer or apply for a semester abroad. When Jay had proposed this trip and that his father would expense half of it, he jumped at the opportunity to go. 

Although, he didn’t know it would hurt him this much.

Hearing you talk about your life here made him feel like it was his fault that he barely knew your life in England. It was so easy when the two of you lived a few blocks from each other; he’d run into you with your other friends on the street or know exactly where you were likely to be at any given moment. He knew you felt the same way about him too, as you always knew where to find him if you really needed him. 

But it feels like this is the first time he’s seeing you for who you are as an adult, not the child that he grew up with. 

Surely, Heeseung always knew you had a good head on your shoulders. You were always the more outspoken one who stood up for what you believed in, no matter how big or small. You never backed down if someone was giving you a hard time and it was one of the reasons why Heeseung had struck up a conversation with you as you two played in the sandbox after a few kids had stolen the toys he was playing with. That sense of responsibility and gratuity followed you into your adolescent and teenage years, too. Not once had Heeseung heard anyone say a bad word about your character. He’d like to think he had something to do with it, but deep down, Heeseung knows it was all you. 

When you confessed nearly a year ago, Heeseung felt like his heart might’ve ceased to function properly. Truth be told, he’s never taken his daydreams about being your boyfriend too seriously. He always wondered if it was normal to develop small crushes on your girl-friends at a young age and wondered if those butterflies in his stomach was because of how often his other friends at school would playfully tease him until they stopped. Jake and Sunghoon had been people who teased him for having a girl as his best friend until they befriended you too, and Heeseung was satisfied when they stopped with their comments. They, too, could understand why Heeseung was so keen on keeping you around. 

But the butterflies never quite left him. Your smile was too bright. Your voice was too angelic. Everything about you and how you fit into his life felt a little too perfect; Heeseung hated cliches in his youth and this felt like one big cliche joke. He knew his mother didn’t approve of the girls she’d see him with, even in college when he got into his first serious relationship. She wasn’t as enthusiastic about her as she was with you. At the time, the frustration seemed too biased until it ended in a way that made Heeseung realize his mother truly knew what was best for him.

Heeseung never considered the possibility of dating you until you confessed your feelings for him. 

As much as he plays off being the spontaneous, go-with-the-flow type of person, Heeseung gets scared when things go unplanned. He backs away from courage and from moments that make or break his character. He likes to play it safe unless he can make a calculated risk in his favor, choosing to let others fall flat on their face and learn from their mistakes. Heeseung had never considered the possibility of you having feelings for him either. That fateful summer night is one he will always remember, especially in the way the light in your eyes dimmed when he told you he didn’t feel the same. 

He remembers your quick apologies and the way you backed away too quickly for his liking. He had tried to reach for your hand to tell you it was okay and that he didn’t feel awkward about it, but you’d shook your head and merely told him you’d see him later. Heeseung had never seen you leave so abruptly. But he figured you’d get over it, as you typically do when things don’t go your way. You’re resilient like that.

Heeseung assumed you needed time to heal from the awkward encounter and hadn’t reached out to you for a week. He didn’t think much of it at the time and hadn’t made plans with you until he realized you’d be leaving for Europe the week following. By then, it had been too late, because he stopped by your house the morning after you left. 

Getting together with Seulgi after you left felt too easy. He knew she’d always had a thing for him but brushed her off for reasons he couldn’t fathom until he bumped into her a few weeks after you’d left without so much as a text or a voicemail. Feeling a bit irritated at your wordless departure, Heeseung took Seulgi out on a few days to take his mind off of you.

Except, it didn’t work. Heeseung found himself fantasizing about what it would be like to go out to dinner with you when she was sitting in front of him. When she’d texted him to thank him for his time, Heeseung imagined the kind of things you would say after your first date. When he kissed her for the first time underneath the twinkling lights of a local fair, Heeseung pictured you as he closed his eyes. The fantasy was ruined when Seulgi’s perfume touched his olfactory senses, pulling him back into reality. The guilt of kissing somebody who wasn’t you ate at his chest the moment he saw Seulgi smile at him from where he stood. 

He tried his best with her but broke it off when the unrest overtook his mental wellbeing. It was amicable, for the most part. All Heeseung knows is that his parents (along with all of his friends) were happy that he hadn’t continued with that relationship.

“Y/N used to talk a lot about you, Heeseung,” Leo says, bringing the aforementioned out of his thoughts. “We’d be out at dinner or something and she’d always run outside to answer your calls.”

“Really?” Heeseung says out of surprise. He didn’t know you did that. 

“You bet,” Leo replies. “She talked a lot about Korea when we’d hang out with our friends but she seemed to talk about you the most.” 

Heeseung wonders if you told him about what happened between the two of you the summer before you left. 

“I’m flattered.” Heeseung honestly doesn’t know what else to say. He chooses to tell the truth. “I missed her a lot. I grew up with her living a few blocks away. It felt weird not to be with her when I went to college.” 

“Y/N said the same thing. Every time she’d be homesick, she’d tell us she needed to call you.” Leo’s words bring a warm flush to Heeseung’s face but he chooses to blame it on the alcohol. 

“I heard my name,” you say as you walk to where they’re sitting. “Not talking shit about me, my dear Leo?”

“Never,” he teases. “Although, I’m sure I still have some pretty photos of you and Elizabeth at this very pub.”

“Oh God, please don’t.” You push his shoulder when he moves to reach his phone. “Those do not need to see the light of day and you definitely need to delete them.”

“How else am I going to blackmail you?” 

“You’re the worst.” You look cute when your nose is a bit red from drinking. You always did suffer from redness to the face when you drank. “I can’t believe Elizabeth and I let you into our friend group.”

“Hey! I was the one who introduced you to her in the first place.”

“I’ll bet if I texted her right now, I’d have it in writing that she’d choose me over you.”

“Okay, you don’t need to do that because she definitely would.” 

The group laughs and conversations flow nicely as a few other friends from your university days join you later in the evening. It feels like a reunion, of sorts. It feels especially wonderful to have most of your favorite people under one roof despite the slight language barrier. But everyone seems to get along well enough, especially Riki, who has taken a liking to your Japanese friend you met on your first day of orientation. 

When the room gets too hot, you make your way outside where you’re fenced in by a metal barricade. It’s cold outside, but the alcohol running through your veins keeps you warm enough that you decide not to go back to ask for a jacket. Heeseung wants to follow you but stays still in his seat when he sees Sunghoon exit the door after you leave. 

The wine in your hands is still halfway full. You’ve decided that you’ve taken the lead far too many times this week and that Jay can handle getting everyone home. It’s your fourth drink of the night, just enough to keep you buzzed for the duration of your time at the pub. 

You register the door sliding open and make room for Sunghoon when you spot him over your shoulder. 

“Your friends are really nice,” he comments, leaning on the railing next to you. 

“They’re the best,” you say with a fond smile. “I owe them a lot. I only started enjoying my time here when we became friends.” 

“You know, I was a little worried that you wouldn’t be happy when you moved to London for the first time.”

“What makes you say that?” 

“I think a lot of people would describe you as brave and as someone who will dive in head first to things that scare you, which is true for the most part. But I think people rarely pay attention to the vulnerable side of people like you because it looks like you have it all together.”

“I was a total wreck when I first moved,” you said. “I don’t know if you remember the few times I called you when Heeseung wasn’t able to pick up.”

“Oh, I remember. That was the first time you cried to me and now you have no issue getting your snot on my sweaters.” You swat his arm at the joke but he dodges you just in time. “I remember Yeji getting worried about you too. She was so young and always said she wanted to be brave like you.”

“Sweet girl,” you say. 

“The two of you are similar. I watch out for her a lot, you know? Our relatives always think she puts on a brave face and don’t think twice when she talks about her fears. They always tell her she’ll be fine, but it’s hard to actualize that when you don’t believe it.”

“I thought about coming home a few times when things got really hard,” you confess. “I was out of my depth because I couldn’t speak English very well. I could only speak fragments and getting my way around campus was so hard.” 

“I don’t know how you did it, if I’m being honest. But I’m glad that you stuck around long enough to see what your life would be like.”

“Me too. I’d really love to think I’ve become a better person now that I’ve gotten the chance to know myself beyond the comfort of my home, you know? I love you guys and I love my family, but sometimes being back in Korea felt like I was listening to what was expected of me instead of what I wanted.”

Sunghoon laughs. “Yeji said the same thing a few weeks before we left for London. Part of me thinks she’s considering studying abroad. I found a few college brochures in her room.”

“Don’t you know better than to snoop inside your sister’s bedroom?”

“Yah,” he says. “Yeji steals too many of my sweaters and she said I could get them back.”

“You’re just too easy to make fun of, Hoonie.” 

A comfortable silence passes over the both of you. The audible sound of people talking amongst themselves and the beautiful lights of the city illuminate what makes London so beautiful. It isn’t until Sunghoon speaks that you pull yourself out of your daydreams.

“I heard you that night,” Sunghoon confesses. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“The night of the bonfire.I know you told Heeseung you liked him.”

You turn your head to him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I figured you’d tell me whenever you felt ready,” he says with a shrug. “You went back to London a couple of weeks later and I wanted to spend time with my friend. There never seemed to be a right time.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and balances from one leg to another. “You looked really sad, Y/N. I’ve never seen you look that way before.” 

There’s a beat of silence. 

Sunghoon listens as you sigh and you push yourself from the railing. Your back touches the cold metal as you look beside yourself to see him. 

“I deluded myself into thinking Heeseung might’ve felt something for me too,” you admit. “It’s not that girls and boys can’t be friends, but towards the end of our friendship, it was like something shifted.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’d…touch me longer. Hugs, pulling me by my waist at parties, lingering near me at Riki’s bonfires, that kind of thing. He started playing with my fingers a lot more. Heeseung never used to touch me like that. He’d interrupt conversation with guys to pull me away. I always knew what he was doing but I liked him so much that I didn’t care if he interrupted a good thing between me and someone else.” 

Sunghoon purses his lips and watches as you look ahead at the glass doors to see your friends laughing. “I noticed that too.”

“When we were alone, it felt like he was one sentence away from telling me he loved me more than a friend. Not that platonic crap that the eight of us tell each other, but the deep shit where that kind of love comes from kindred souls.” 

“Heeseung’s too stupid to see what’s good for him anyway.” Sunghoon pulls a laugh out of you and he’s glad to hear it. 

“But then I confessed to him the night of that bonfire.” You bite your lip at the memory, willing yourself not to tear up. “I mean, you heard him. He told me he didn’t feel the same way and didn’t want to ruin our friendship because it was perfect as it was.”

“And then you heard he’d gotten together with Seulgi.”

“Yeah.” You nod once and look down at your drink. 

“They weren’t together long,” Sunghoon says. “She wanted more but he didn’t want to give that to her. The boys were confused because he seemed to be really happy with her until he broke it off so sudden. I always thought it was because he felt too guilty after rejecting you.”

“What did the guys think?”

“Riki hated her. I have a feeling it was because she wasn’t you, though. I think Sunoo, Jungwon, and Jake were surprised when he’d gotten together with Seulgi after you left and were trying to be nice about it. Jay was indifferent, but then again, you two weren’t as close as you were with the rest of them until he visited you while you were away.”

“Did his opinion change?” 

“Definitely. Heeseung had a period of time in the new year where he went on a couple of dates with her, telling us he might’ve made a mistake by breaking things off too soon.” Sunghoon shakes his head as he tells the story. “Jay was unbelievably pissed.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know how he gets when he’s angry. He’s quiet and doesn’t talk until he’s calm. But it was like a volcano erupted, or something. Jay came back mid January to find out Heeseung had been seeing Seulgi for a couple of weeks and completely lost it on him. He said things about not knowing a good thing if it spat in his face and how he ruined every chance of happiness because of his own doing.” 

“Wow…I didn’t know Jay said that.”

“It was scary. Heeseung tried to fight back and say it was his life and that Jay didn’t have a right to say what he could and couldn’t do, but the poor guy never stood a chance. Jay asked him if he would be happy if you came back to see him dating Seulgi and that shut him up real quick.”

“What do I have to do with it?” you ask. “He rejected me before I left.” 

“I don’t know,” Sunghoon says truthfully. “I always thought that Heeseung was trying to redeem himself through Seulgi. But I guess we’ll never truly know.” 

“It’s been almost a year,” you reminisce. “You’d think I would’ve gotten over him by now after spending time in Europe with, well, other boys.”

“He’s not just any guy who rejected you,” Sunghoon says. He looks out at the street, finding the words to say. “You two had been best friends since before me or the guys got to know either of you. There’s a special kind of bond between people who grew up together, you know?

“I think a large part of you misses being friends with him. Sure, rejection always stings, but it’s knowing that you don’t have your best friend that hurts you more.”

“Jeez,” you chide. “You always know how I feel.”

Sunghoon laughs. “I’m just observant. I know that it’s hard to be on this trip because Heeseung’s trying to be that friend you once knew. He probably feels guilty for giving you the cold shoulder during your first few weeks back in Seoul.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, well he’s not doing a great job showing it. Life would be easier if he left me alone.”

“But do you want that?” 

You cast your eyes to the floor. “No, I don’t.” 

Satisfied with your answer, Sunghoon nods. 

“You know, I knew Heeseung had feelings for you the night we played spin the bottle just before we graduated high school.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Hoon. He never liked me.” 

Sunghoon shakes his head. “Do you remember what happened that night?” 

“Vaguely. I remember that being my first time trying alcohol and Jake having to cut me off when I couldn’t walk straight.”

He nods. “When you were sober enough to string a few sentences together, some girl suggested playing spin the bottle. When it was your turn to spin, it landed on me.” 

You make a face. “Ah. I do remember kissing you.” 

“Well you don’t have to look grossed out,” Sunghoon teases. “Everyone knew it was awkward because we’d been friends for like, five years at that point. We were both so flustered that the kiss lasted for maybe two seconds before everyone cheered.

“Heeseung was pissed. I saw him looking at me like I’d killed his family, or something. I swore I could see steam coming out of his ears. He wouldn’t talk to me for a week because I’d been your first kiss.”

“Seriously?” 

“Dead serious.” Sunghoon laughs at the memory. “He wouldn’t answer my texts. In the group chat we were in, he’d acknowledge everyone but me. It wasn’t until a week later when we were all hanging out that I told him there was nothing between us and it was awkward to kiss you in front of our friends.” 

You stand there, dumbfounded. “Huh.”

“I’ve never told anyone that,” he confesses. “I doubt anyone remembers us kissing except for him. I assumed this would be a story I’d tell you and the guys when you both eventually got together.” 

He murmurs an apology. “It’s okay, Hoon. I’m glad you told me. I guess I’m just…confused. Why did he reject me if he allegedly liked me?” 

“I wish I knew. He was miserable when you left and refused to talk about you moving back to Europe for your final year abroad. Heeseung was really sad when he found out you weren’t coming home for Christmas break.” 

“I couldn’t bear to see him. I was so heartbroken and the friends here tonight were consoling me in the way they knew how. I knew I’d be a depressed wreck if I came back home.”

“That makes sense,” Sunghoon affirms for you. “I’m glad you met up with Jay while he was here, though. You got some kind of Christmas gift from home.” 

“Me too. I feel like Jay and I got closer because of it. I knew he could tell something was off but he didn’t say anything about it. Something tells me he knows more than he cares to say.” 

“You know Jay.” You both nod. “More observant and caring than the rest of us. Part of me thinks Heeseung’s jealous of your new friendship with him since the two of you basically planned this whole trip on your own.” 

“Well, Jay has more international travel experience and his dad knows the right people,” you say with a shrug. “I spent four years of my life here. It makes sense.”

“To us, yes. To Heeseung? I think his feelings cloud his judgment.” 

“He never used to confuse me,” you admit. “We used to talk about how much we hated when people made us guess how they felt or what they were thinking. We always said it was unfair if you make people you love, make you guess their intentions. But he’s doing that to me and it’s been driving me insane.

“Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve kept my mouth shut. I watched him date girls in high school. I watched him with what I thought would be his first serious girlfriend during our first year of college before he went through that short hookup phase. God, that hurt me so bad and I couldn’t say anything because it wasn’t my life.” 

“For what it’s worth, I think it was brave of you to confess to him,” Sunghoon tells you. “I don’t say that as a cheap cop out to make you feel better either. You know me, I’m really sentimental about things even if I don’t come off that way. To confess your feelings to someone who you love…one can only hope to hear that someday.” 

You nudge your shoulder with his. “You say that like you didn’t have girls begging for a date.” 

Sunghoon laughs and you know what he means. 

“You’ve always been the bravest of all of us,” he continues. “I think the reason why I wanted to be friends with you when we were kids is because you didn’t take bullshit from people. I was too shy to stand up for myself between my career as a figure skater while trying to be a normal kid. You and Heeseung offered that kind of normalcy. I could see you two in the bleachers at my competitions and then we’d go out for ice cream like it was any other day.” 

“Well, now you’re going to make me cry.” 

“I mean it, Y/N. You’re a great friend and a great person. I hope Heeseung hasn’t fucked things up too bad that you leave his life for good.” 

You shiver. “Me too.” 

“Talk to him,” Sunghoon advises. “Do it before we leave. You’re removed from your life back home.” You open your mouth to refute but he beats you to the chase. “If it doesn’t work out, then you’ll know your answer when you go home and you can resume your life without Heeseung in it.” 

Sunghoon leaves you alone with your thoughts but makes you promise that you’ll join the group soon.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

When you walk back into the pub, Jake clouds your personal space before you can even think about ordering another drink.

“Jesus, Hoon. Couldn’t you have offered Y/N your jacket if you guys were gonna be out that long? Poor girl looks like she’s about to freeze to death.

Jake’s affinity for the dramatic never ceases. Your friends look at your goosebumps and the way you’re acclimating to the warmer temperature inside while Sunghoon merely rolls his eyes.

“I’m fine,” you say. “We only came in because I started to get cold.”

“Let me get my jacket for you,” Heeseung says as he rises from his seat. 

“No.” You’re sure you say it too abruptly, but you can’t bear the thought of wearing his clothes after the conversation you just had. “I’m fine, honestly.” 

“Stop being stubborn and wear a damn jacket,” Leo chides, wrapping his coat around your shoulders. “You have this habit of never bringing one when you need it and it drives me crazy.” 

“But that’s what I have you for, don’t I?” 

As you tug the material closer to your body, Sunghoon watches as Heeseung stares at Leo with a hard expression. 

“Not when you’re back in Seoul, you goof.” Leo takes your empty glass. “I’m glad you have these guys back at home. They seem really good for you.” 

“I love them a lot.” You say it so tenderly with your head tilted as you look at the boys you’d call family, only for them to coo at your clearly vulnerable, inebriated state.

“My mother, my older sister, and best friend,” Riki says with a hiccup as he engulfs you in a hug. “Seriously, I would be dead in a ditch without you.” 

“I don’t know a better person,” Sunoo chimes in from where he’s seated. 

“There was one time where Y/N had this lemon phase where she couldn’t stop drinking lemonade or eating lemon candy,” Jake tells the group. “Now I think of her every time I see something yellow.” 

“That’s kind of fitting though, isn’t it?” Leo asks. “Yellow for sunshine.” 

Everybody agrees and it makes your cheeks and neck warm up. You hide yourself in Leo’s jacket, but God, Heeseung wishes he could hide you in his arms instead. 

Still, he can’t help but agree with Leo. If there’s any truth to his words, it’s that you are made of pure, unfiltered sunshine.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The next morning, all eight of you board the train for a two-hour ride to Paris. For the next five days, you’ll be acting as a tourist rather than tour guide, for the most part. Jay volunteers to take the lead since you did most of the heavy lifting in London. You do, however, chime in to give him a few recommendations from your prior visits to the city. 

Sunghoon’s advice plagues your thoughts, so much so that Jungwon has had to guide you out of the hotel and into the cab before arriving at the train station. Both he and Sunoo look a bit worried about you, but you wave them off and tell them you had one too many to drink. You know they don’t believe you but you’re grateful they don’t press on. 

Paris is much more beautiful than you remember it, and it’s likely due to the fact that you’re here on vacation, not because you wanted a weekend getaway to escape the stress of midterms and exams. The people are just as indifferent as ever. You’re able to practice some of your basic French to order coffee and pastries for everyone. It’s a feat that leaves Heeseung impressed and you try not to acknowledge him when you see his jaw drop. 

The hotel itself is more beautiful than the last. You have the room with the balcony and double doors leading to a breathtaking view of the buildings and streets below. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen, even if the streets are littered with trash and the people are a bit too loud. It still feels charming. 

The rooming situation is the same as London, with you in the single room and the rest of the boys to fend for themselves. This time, Jungwon, Jay, and Sunghoon are sharing the three bedroom with Heeseung and Jake sharing another, and Sunoo and Riki in the other double. The hotel must’ve miscalculated the rooming situation and put your single room at the end of the hallway away from the others, but you aren’t complaining. 

The first few days are filled with happiness and dread, namely when you see Heeseung as you begin your day. He has a knack for making you laugh until you come to the notion that you really shouldn’t be finding his jokes very funny because he doesn’t deserve that kind of reaction from you. 

In fact, he doesn’t deserve your attention after ignoring you for as long as he has. Seeing Leo again brought up memories of crying in his flat with Elizabeth and drinking too much wine to forget the pain temporarily. Your friends invited you to a night spent in the pub after Leo begged his brother to close it for the night so that you could have a free space to drink and talk about Heeseung until your voice gave out. 

Your irritation carries over and Heeseung can tell when you move away from him when he tries to stand next to you. He’s hurt but he tries to understand that you have a right to be, even if he knows in his heart the reasons why he acted the way he did. He just needs to find time to talk to you, even if the conversation doesn’t end the way he hopes it will. 

With two days left on the trip, you’ve eaten your way through the streets of Paris and have done your fair share of shopping. Each of the boys had bought you a small token of their appreciation (Heeseung paid for your latte, Jay purchased a small wallet from Prada, Jake gifted you new sunglasses, Sunghoon a charm for your bracelet, Sunoo a bowl of pasta for lunch, Jungwon a pair of earrings, and Riki a new jacket that looks similar to his from back home). It warms your heart to know you have people who care about you enough to show and tell you. 

The Eiffel Tower calls your name one late afternoon and by the time you all manage to walk up, the sun is setting below the horizon. There are couples around Heeseung who are taking photos left and right, one of which asks him to take a few pictures for them. He can’t help but wish he was in their place, asking a stranger to take a photo of the two of you as he kisses the apple of your cheek. Heeseung snaps a few good ones before the couple thanks him. 

It doesn’t help that you look like a walking goddess. Truth be told, Heeseung wanted to buy you more than just coffee when the boys agreed to each give you something as a token of their gratitude. Heeseung had come up with a list of ideas he wanted advice for, but it was Sunghoon who’d told him to keep it simple for your sake. He was right, as always, because you thanked him with a pleasant smile instead of ignoring him like you had in the days prior. Heeseung gets the feeling that you wouldn’t appreciate a grand gesture from him right now.

He hates that he can’t read you like he used to. He hates that the other friends know you better than he does, and he hates that he’s in the City of Love and he can’t call you his girlfriend. 

Riki and Jungwon are more perceptive than they let on. Heeseung sees the way their eyes dart between the two of you and how they’ve been trying their best to navigate the new dynamic. Riki, especially, hadn’t been receptive of Seulgi the first time Heeseung invited her to a bonfire. Heeseung had overheard the younger boy telling Jungwon it wasn’t the same without you there and that he’d rather go home than spend another minute getting to know someone who wasn’t you. 

At the time, Heeseung was beyond irritated and refused to speak to Riki for the rest of the night. Now, however, he understands why Riki acted the way he did. 

You look so beautiful underneath a Parisian sunset. Heeseung knows he’s staring. He’s grateful that you’re too preoccupied with Sunghoon taking photos of you. But God, he wishes you’d laugh at him like that. 

“You should talk to her,” Jake says from beside him. Heeseung jumps at his sudden appearance. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“I want to.” Heeseung says it out loud for the first time. He wants to work it out with you and get his best friend back in whatever way you’ll allow. “I miss her, Jake. I miss being her friend and I fucked up when I rejected her.” 

Heeseung doesn’t notice Jake’s eyes widen at the sudden admission. Jake had his fair share of theories and considered Heeseung to be his best friend, but even he knew there was a limit about what he was willing to share and what he kept to himself. Heeseung’s friendship with you was something he stopped trying to learn a few years after he got to know you; Heeseung had a soft spot for you and had no problem letting people know that. It wasn’t until you mentioned to Jake that you hadn’t spoken to Heeseung in months that he knew something was up. 

“She clearly cares about you,” Jake says. “She wouldn’t be on this trip if she didn’t.”

“But she’s been ignoring me the past three days. And before you say it, yes, I know that she has a valid reason to, but I’m hurt and I want to make things better.”

“You have to let her take the reins and let her talk to you when she wants to,” Jake advises. “You know how she is. Y/N’s headstrong and she might not know how she feels right now, but she always knows what’s best for her. You’re good for her, Heeseung. Let her come to that conclusion on her own.”

Heeseung relinquishes his breath. “You’re right. I just…miss her. A lot. Things will never go back to the way they used to but I don’t think I want them to. I used to pray every night that I could somehow make everything like it was before that night but now I want more than that. She deserves better and I want to be better for her, not that coward who was too scared to try something new with the person he loves.” 

His friend’s words bring a smile to Jake’s lips. “Well I, for one, believe in you. I think the rest of the guys do too.” 

“I know,” Heeseung says softly with his eyes on you.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

You can’t believe you leave Europe in two days as you sip your wine. Jay’s father was gracious enough to reach out to his friend at the hotel’s restaurant to negotiate having this meal compensated. It’s a gesture you hold onto and make a mental note to write a thoughtful note when you settle back in Korea. Jay sits next to you and partakes in the wine activities with you, namely picking out two different bottles to share with the table. Talking to Jay like this makes you feel otherworldly, like you’ve gotten more experience out of life since you chose to study abroad. You feel lucky, in a sense, that your life has given you more than you expected it too. 

The younger boys head upstairs after dessert and bid you all a goodnight in case they don’t see you before falling asleep. For the next thirty minutes or so, it’s the five of you laughing away at the hotel bar like old times, reminiscing about embarrassing moments from high school or how difficult it was to hear Jake’s Korean when he first moved. 

The Australian leaves as soon as he yawns. Sunghoon, a little too tipsy upon standing from the bar table, presses a gentle kiss to your head when he says goodnight to the rest of you. Jay gives your arm a reassuring squeeze and you understand for the first time that he always knew you better than he let on. He says goodnight and tells the bartender to charge his room whenever you two close the tab. 

Now, you and Heeseung are sitting together, mere inches apart as the Parisian sky twinkles with stars above the two of you. 

Neither of you know what to say. You fidget with the glass and contemplate on whether you should head up as well. Heeseung can sense your awkwardness and wish he hadn’t messed things up so badly that you can’t stand to be alone with him without thinking of an escape plan. He misses when the two of you could sit in complete silence and still feel comfortable around one another. 

“Thank you for showing us around,” he speaks up before you can make the decision to leave. “I remember you talking about all of the places you showed us when you first moved here. I’ve always wanted to visit.” 

“Really?” 

Heeseung nods. “I used to be so jealous that you got the opportunity to travel abroad every time you talked about it. But I think I like it better this way, with you as the tour guide.” 

That brings a laugh out of you and Heeseung can’t help but smile. He doesn’t care if it’s the alcohol allowing your walls to come down. He’s grateful for the chance. 

“I used to write down places I wanted to show you,” you confess. “There were so many places that reminded me of where we’d used to hang out as kids. It always felt like there was a part of you with me.” 

His heart melts. “I wish I could’ve visited you while you were here. Your friends seem pretty cool.” 

“They are.” Heeseung watches you smile. “They’ve been with me through a lot and helped me get over this fear of failing in a different country. My friend Suki, who now lives in Tokyo, was the first person to really get me out of my shell and convinced me to go out. Awkward Y/N? Going to clubs?” 

“You know how to dance, though. I bet you killed it.” 

“A little too much, perhaps. I didn’t date or hook up much, but there were a few times that I did.” Heeseung’s heart begins to sink as does his hope. This is not where he wanted to lead the conversation but his ears perk up at your next point. “But I wasn’t happy doing that so I stopped making out with random guys on the dance floor.”

“If only thirteen-year-old you could see you then,” he teases. You bump his shoulders with yours and he feels electricity running down his arm. 

“I think I did a good job adjusting and learning. There were times where I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing with my life because I couldn’t decide if I wanted to stay in London or go back to Seoul. That burden felt too much.” 

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you came back home.” 

Your head whips to look at Heeseung, who can only sit and watch as your eyes begin to water. 

“Why didn’t you say anything when I texted and called you?” you ask meekly, your voice barely above a whisper. “Why didn’t you see me when I came back?” 

“I know.” He gulps. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so, so sorry.” 

You sniffle and Heeseung wants to cry too. “Everyone came to pick me up at the airport. I kept looking for you but you weren’t there. Jake had to pull me away from baggage claim because he said you weren’t coming but I didn’t listen. I told him he was wrong. You always come.” 

Heeseung’s soul breaks with every crack in your voice and with the way your lips quiver. He sees your mascara beginning to smudge and resists the urge to wipe it away so that your eyes may look fresh and dry. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I have no excuse.” 

“I wanted my best friend but you never showed up for me. You didn’t call or text me when you knew I was home and I had to wait until Riki’s bonfire to see you.”

“I was an idiot and stupid,” is the only answer Heeseung can come up with. “I used to be so scared of change. You left the country and I had to start thinking about what I wanted to do with my life but it was so hard without you in it.”

“Then why did you leave me?” 

His heart shatters. 

You’ve turned away from him in an attempt to walk back to your hotel room. However, Heeseung has learned his lesson. He doesn’t let you stray too far and gently tugs your wrist to pull you into his chest and is surprised when you don’t fight him off of you.

He doesn't care that your tears have stained his shirt or that you’re hiccupping into his clothes. All Heeseung wants to do is let you know he’s here for you now, despite his past mistakes and clouded judgment. Heeseung loves you for your bravery and vulnerability. He can only hope you understand that. 

“Let’s go to your room, yeah? I can help you take your makeup off.”

Whether from the alcohol or your need to be near Heeseung, you let him guide you to the elevator. He digs in your purse for your room key and coaxes you to sit in the bathroom while he locks the door. This routine feels a bit familiar; in his youth, he learned how you like to take your makeup off and get ready for bed after a particularly rough night drinking. He could never understand why he hadn’t minded taking the extra step and to keep himself sober when you were in the vicinity, but he understands it now. 

Heeseung meets you in the bathroom and washes his hands before putting your hair in a ponytail. He bites his lips when he sees your fresh tears and mutters another apology, forcing himself not to wipe away the tears with his fingers. Instead, he lets you blot them with a tissue before gathering makeup remover in his hands and gently smears it all over your skin. 

“I didn’t like change,” he says after a quiet beat. “I was too cowardly to take what I wanted, even if the person I wanted said they wanted me too. I don’t know why I didn’t chase after you that night or why I thought you needed space before you left. I don’t have an explanation for any of it except to say that I was a coward who never wanted anything to change between us.” 

Heeseung warms a wet cloth and wipes the balm away until he’s satisfied and moves on with your favorite cleanser, rubbing it between his hands until it foams. 

“I think, deep down, I’ve always loved you more than I led on. I can’t think of any moment in my life where you weren’t there or times that I didn’t want you around. Even when we were in elementary school and everyone kept saying we would get cooties from each other, I wanted you with me.” 

He lets you wash your face and applies the rest of your products on as you once taught him. 

“I’ve always had this sense of pride when it came to being your friend. Everyone always talked about how cool you were because you always knew what to say and when to say it. I love that about you, you know. You have a way of making people feel like they’re really special. I don’t know why I was so afraid of that.

“I love who you are and what you believe in. You make the world a better place for everyone around you. How you treated me was a small fraction of why I love you. I love your passions and that you aren’t afraid to chase after them. I love that you stick with the same boba order even though you tell yourself you’ll try something new. I love that you hate the beach but go with us every time we ask. I love when you get a little drunk because you don’t fight me when I want to take care of you.”

Heeseung swallows. “But mostly, I just really love you.”

You open your eyes for the first time. Heeseung can only stare. 

“You really hurt me.” 

He glances down. “I know. I’m sorry.” 

“What hurt the most was knowing you weren’t going to be there as my best friend, Heeseung. I could handle your rejection. I could find a way to get over you. But I could never get over losing our friendship. I never wanted you out of my life because it’s better with you in it.” 

“Please don’t get over me,” Heeseung croaks. His own eyes begin to swell and he forces a choked sob down his throat, aggressively wiping his eyes to rid himself of tears. He presses his forehead against yours. “I don’t want you to get over me.” 

You don’t say anything for a few moments. Heeseung swears he feels the blood rushing to his ears as he anticipates your response and he’s sure that even if what you say isn’t what he wants to hear, he’s happy to wear his feelings on his sleeve for once in his life.

“I don’t think I could even if I tried.” 

Heeseung’s heart stops beating. He doesn’t kiss you even though he wants to. He doesn’t take your hand and pull you into him like his heart tells him to. Instead, he whispers a quiet thanks and is surprised when he hears you laugh. 

“I can’t apologize enough. I don’t want to make you feel like you have to do or say anything.” 

“I know,” you whisper. Heeseung's hands are dangling awkwardly by his side. He feels like pushing his forehead against yours was too much. But your hands reach for him and you give him a squeeze.  

Heeseung throws caution out of the window and envelopes you in a hug. He feels your body melt against his and can’t help but look at the way you’ve folded into his chest in the bathroom mirror, with your head in his neck and his cheek on the crown of your head. Heeseung missed holding you like this–with your bodies intertwined as if you were two soulmates who were forced apart upon creation. 

He stroked your back with his hand and kept the other secured around your waist. Your soft breaths touch his skin and it feels like he’s got electricity running through his veins. 

“I’m sorry,” Heeseung whispers again. “I will keep apologizing until you know the depth of my regret.” 

The boy feels like he’s floating when you press a soft kiss to his exposed chest, mentally thanking Jake for forcing him to let loose and unbutton a few. 

“You could start by staying with me until I fall asleep,” you say. “Like old times.” 

He tries not to punch the air. “I can do that.” 

Heeseung waits in the bathroom until you’ve changed into comfortable clothing. He isn’t surprised when he sees you in shorts and an oversized shirt. It’s reminiscent of what you used to wear when you’d sleep in the guest bedroom in his house or vice versa, but now that he’s acknowledged his feelings for you, he can’t help but coo at how cute and sleepy you look. 

You tuck yourself in bed with the blankets to your chin and he completely melts to the floor. You pat the spot next to him and he sits on top of the blankets. 

“Under the covers, silly.” 

“I don’t want to rush it,” Heeseung says in a panic. 

“We aren’t rushing. We’re two best friends who got each other back.” 

Heeseung has never been more relieved. Though, he knows you’re a stickler for outside clothes in bed, so he makes the decision to take your key card and change.

“I’m not leaving you,” he says when he notices you rise from your spot on the bed. He holds two key cards to prove it and leans over to press a soft kiss to your cheek. “I’m going to change and then I’ll be right back. I promise.” 

He comes back ten minutes later. It warms your heart at the sight of him and you feel the comfort in your body when he slides underneath the covers. 

You surprise yourself when you move to lay your head on his chest with your arm around his body. Heeseung doesn’t seem to mind, though, and he pulls you closer to him like you’ve done it a million times before. The two of you have wanted this for too long to make it feel awkward. 

“What did Jake say when you came into the room?” you ask.

“He was half asleep until I turned the light on but he asked me if we resolved things. I told him yes and then he asked if I was staying the night with you when he saw me leaving.”

“Am I right to assume he was more excited about having the room to himself?”

Heeseung laughs. “That you are.”

“Deep down, I think Jake knew we’d find our way. I think they all did.” 

“I’m sorry,” Heeseung whispers once more. You quiet him with a kiss to his cheek. 

“I know, Hee. We can talk more tomorrow. For now, let’s sleep.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The next morning, Heeseung wakes up before you do and frowns when your body’s all the way on the other side of the bed. He leans over your sleeping frame and brushes strands of hair from your face, admiring how serene you look in your sleep. For a moment, Heeseung ponders if it’s too soon to wake you up the way he’d like to, but if last night was any indication about how you felt, he’d be willing to take the chance. 

He leans down to kiss your forehead and both of your cheeks repeatedly until your eyes flutter open. Heeseung thinks he could listen to your laugh every morning with the way you wince at the sunlight and how his lips touch your skin. Still, your gaze finds its way to Heeseung’s and you can’t help but smile. 

There was a brief moment before you fell asleep that you’d wondered if you’d been too quick to forgive him. But for as hurtful as the past year was, you can’t help but acknowledge the steps he took during the trip in an attempt to undo all of the contempt you had built for him. You owe it to yourself to be happy with Heeseung. 

“Good morning, pretty girl,” Heeseung says with his morning voice that sounds a little too good for seven in the A.M. “Did you sleep well?”

“Slept like a baby. I feel like one too.”

“That’s because you are a baby,” Heeseung teases, kissing your cheeks and then the tip of your nose. “My baby.” 

“I really want breakfast but I’m too lazy to get up from the bed.”

“We could always order in. I’ll pay.”

You shake your head. “I’ll be too tempted to stay in bed and it’s our last full day in Paris. Let’s just get ready and have breakfast at the hotel restaurant?” 

The both of you are halfway done eating breakfast when the rest of your friends trickle in, joining your table and the ones next to you. It takes them a while to wake up, but it’s Sunghoon who speaks up first. 

“I’m assuming you two talked?” 

“And made up,” you say with a tilt of your head. 

“That’s my girl,” Sunghoon says proudly, sipping on his coffee. 

“I’ll let that slide since we’re all friends,” Heeseung jokes. You laugh and, for the first time in a while, you don’t feel guilty about it. 

“I had the whole room to myself, too. I woke up and didn’t have to fight anyone for the bathroom,” says Jake. 

Riki nearly spits his juice out. “You guys slept together?” 

“Not like that!” you’re quick to exclaim. “He just slept over. Slept. As in, we closed our eyes and actually slept.” 

“Both of us knew we needed our beauty sleep before dealing with the six of you asking us questions,” Heeseung adds. “But for your information, we made up. We still have things to figure out, but we’re back to being friends.” 

“Hopefully more than that,” Jungwon coughs behind his coffee. He merely smiles when Heeseung looks in his direction.

“I think you two should spend the rest of the day by yourselves,” Jay suggests. “We can either meet up for dinner or whenever we have to check out.” 

“I second that,” Sunoo agrees. “You two clearly need to talk.” 

“I wanted to go shopping with Y/N again,” Riki says with a frown. Jake presumably knocks his shin with Riki’s, who clears his throat. “But you two should totally hang out without us.” 

“I think we might,” Heeseung says, holding his hand out for you to take. He stands from his seat and encourages you to stand as well, leading you away from the table. “Thanks for the breakfast, Jay!” 

“I’m choosing to be the bigger person because Y/N’s been through enough,” Jay mutters when Heeseung is out of hearshot, making the table laugh.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

“You know, I think the reason why I had such a hard time reaching out was because we’d never gotten into something that serious before,” Heeseung admits. The gelato in your hand isn’t as good as you remember it, but it does the job to cool you down on a particularly warm afternoon. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Do you remember when we were kids and how hard it was for me to talk to you about anything that was action movies or superheroes?” 

“God, you and your Superman cape from fourth grade,” you snort. “You wore that thing to school everyday. Your dad had to wash it every night otherwise you’d refuse to go to sleep.” Heeseung shuts his eyes at the memory. 

“You were the only person I felt comfortable pouring my heart out to, you know. You were always the first person I called when I needed someone to talk to, but then I was the reason why you got hurt…I think part of me didn’t know if I was allowed to reach out to you.

“It’s a stupid excuse, I know. But when I heard you were coming back to Seoul a few weeks before you did, I couldn’t help but think about how many times I could’ve texted you.”

“Yeah, you could’ve.” Heeseung merely nods at your agreement. “We’ve been through a lot over the years, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.” 

“I just wish I had come to this conclusion when it happened. I was so caught up in graduating and focusing on how I felt that I didn’t consider how you must’ve been dealing with all of it. I don’t think I’ve ever been so selfish in my life.” 

“I think the time you refused to let me be friends with Jake because you said you needed friends aside from me was your second most selfish moment.” 

Heeseung rolls his eyes. “Quit it. I was thirteen, okay?” 

Neither of you particularly care to do any sightseeing today. It feels nice to walk side-by-side without the company of your other friends. The juxtaposition of how you felt towards the beginning of this trip compared to how relaxed you feel surprises you a tenfold, but you suppose that comes with genuine apologies and forgiveness. 

You’re willing to admit Heeseung looks criminally good in black jeans and a striped button down. He wears his clothes so effortlessly yet still looks like he could’ve taken his wardrobe from a magazine. You’ve always found it a bit unfair that Heeseung always manages to look so cool without trying too hard. 

“You’re staring,” he mutters, looking at you from the corner of his eye as the two of you walk down a cobblestone street. 

“I’m not,” you lie. You turn your head to avoid his gaze, but Heeseung thinks he likes seeing you this shy. It’s new territory for him, one that he wants to explore. 

“Can I ask you a question?” 

“Go for it.” 

“Why did you forgive me so quickly?” Heeseung asks. “I appreciate it, I really do, but a big part of me feels like I don’t deserve that just yet.” 

It takes you a while to answer. Why did you forgive him as fast as you did? For a week and a half, being in close quarters with Heeseung made you feel nothing but anxious and on edge, so why were you able to allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of him?

“I’ve always held onto the idea that you’re a good person,” you begin. “I’ve always admired that you intend to care for the people you love and make them feel like they have a place in your life. You’ve always made me feel safe, like I could run to you when things got too hard. 

“What you did was in poor taste, sure, but making bad decisions doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. I know you, Hee. I know how you get when you’re faced with a difficult choice and how long it takes for you to come around. I was justifiably hurt but I think a part of me always knew you’d fix it somehow.” 

“I wish I could feel deserving of that kind of forgiveness.” 

“You know me. You know I wouldn’t tell you that if I didn’t feel like what I’m saying is true. I’ll admit that I shocked myself with how quickly I let my guard down with you…but you’re Heeseung. You've been my best friend since the first grade and you’re the boy I happen to have a really big crush on.” 

Heeseung bites his lips at your confession, willing himself not to be too forward as to kiss you in the middle of the street. He sees your bravery and the way you’ve put your heart directly in the palm of his hand, acting out of vulnerability even though the both of you knew he hurt you once before. 

He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. Instead, Heeseung grabs your hands and locks his fingers with yours, squeezing three times to tell you he loves you.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The afternoon comes and goes with little to no plan. Heeseung’s a bit worried that he hasn’t heard anything from the boys and he’s rendered shocked that you’ve taken it upon yourself to let the day take you where it may instead of finding the next spot to visit. 

As if on cue, Jay texts him with plans for the evening. 

jjongcaprio: 20:00, Pétrelle. It’s a five minute walk from the hotel

jjongcaprio: I made reservations for you and Y/N tonight. Don’t worry about me and the boys, just take her out on a romantic date 

jjongcaprio: The bill’s covered. The reservation’s under your name btw

heeseung: bro i cannot ask you to do this 

jjongcaprio: You don’t have to. You and I both know Y/N deserves to be wined and dined 

jjongcaprio: Plus I saw you looking at a few restaurants when we were on the train. I managed to pull some strings for you and got a last minute reservation for tonight

heeseung: thank you jay…i really don’t know what i’d do without you

jjongcaprio: It’s really not a problem, bro. Promise me that you’ll try to be happy with her. The guys and I are rooting for you two

“So,” Heeseung clears his throat as he looks up from his phone, “I think you and I should go out for dinner.” 

“Where are you thinking of going? I can text the others and see if they’re done sightseeing, or whatever it is they’re doing.”

“I mean just us two.” He stands awkwardly when you’ve turned your attention to him, his feet planted on the sidewalk beneath him as if that’ll help steady his beating heart. 

“Like a date?” 

“Yes,” he says immediately. “Like a date. I, Heeseung, am asking you out on a date. Tonight. At eight.” 

“I, Y/N, would love to go on a date with you. At eight.” 

The twinkle in your eye and your coy nature makes him feel like a teenager again. He leads you into the hotel and walks you to your door before stepping back as you step inside. 

“We’ve got an hour and a half before we need to leave. I’ll come by and then we can walk together. The restaurant is only a five minute walk, so you can wear those new heels I know you feel guilty buying.” 

“They’re really pretty though,” you rationalize. 

Heeseung nods. “Gorgeous, actually. Maybe you’ll be as tall as me if you wear them.” 

“We’ll just have to see, won’t we?” 

Heeseung bites his bottom lip as you disappear behind the door, locking eyes with you until you’re completely out of sight. Flirting with you like this is a completely new phenomenon for him. He’s only daydreamed about what you might say if he said something a little too suggestive or how you might act if he dedicated a wink in your direction. Heeseung had never considered that he’d be the one flustered, cheeks reddening to the point where he starts to feel shy. 

His nerves are endless as he picks out an outfit for tonight. Heeseung sends a quick text to his parents, who had pressured him into bringing nice clothes for a fancy dinner, and spends a few minutes updating them on the events of the past few days. His mother is pleased, to put it lightly, and sends a handful of emoticons to display her happiness. His father tells him words of encouragement before making Heeseung promise to bring you for dinner as his girlfriend, not just his best friend. 

With the last touch of his cologne, Heeseung looks at himself in the mirror and tries not to think too hard about how he looks. You’re Y/N, his best friend since he can remember, and you’ve seen him with snot dripping from his nose. 

“I look fine,” he says to himself in the mirror. “Y/N will like the look because your mom picked it out and we know those two agree on everything. Absolutely nothing to worry about.” 

Heeseung’s only regret is he doesn’t have a bouquet of flowers to present you with as he makes his way to your hotel room. He wipes his palms on his trousers and takes a deep breath before knocking on your door. 

When it opens, he’s met with the sight of you in a short black dress that hugs your hips to accentuate your body. The dress itself is an elegant, spaghetti strap number with a flattering neckline paired with jewelry that makes your skin appear to be glowing. Your heels match well with the dress you’ve chosen, so much so that Heeseung’s jaw drops when his eyes rake over your body. 

“Wow,” he mutters. “Just…wow.” 

“I’m not used to you being speechless,” you say mildly, closing the door behind you. 

“You look gorgeous,” he sputters. “I shouldn’t be seen with you tonight.” 

“You’re dramatic, Hee.” You give him a once over and Heeseung thinks he wouldn’t mind you checking him out as you please. “You look handsome as ever.”

He beams at the compliment and holds his arm out for you. 

“Shall we?”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

Heeseung knows the type of person you are and what you value, yet he still renders himself shocked when you allow him to take control of the evening. He knows you don’t need to have the expensive consequences that come with a first date or to be sipping the most luxurious wine to be happy, but Heeseung can’t help but feel like you deserve to feel as elegant as you look every once in a while. 

The host leads the two of you to a table with the most gorgeous view of the Parisian scenery. The twinkling stars paired with the dimly lit restaurant adds a romantic touch to the evening. Heeseung mentally thanks Jay for preparing wine recommendations so neither of you have to think too much about it. 

For a moment, he’s worried that he’s reached too far out of his depth. The fanciest thing Heeseung has ever done with you is eat ramen after prom in your best outfits because you both came to the conclusion that prom should be spent with someone you actually like. It’s funny in hindsight when he thinks about it now. 

You look so beautiful like this, allowing yourself to be taken care of by him. Talking to you over the table feels like you’re back in Korea before all that transpired. The food is impeccable and Heeseung thanks his lucky stars that he and Jay got it right. You sing praises left and right. 

Dinner ends much quicker than he’d like as the two of you finish dessert. The waiter tells him the bill has been taken care of and Heeseung sits in his seat awkwardly as you look out the window to see the view from outside. But he hears the live band in the background and sees a few older couples slow dancing from where he sits and makes up his mind. 

“Do you want to dance?” 

You pull your attention to him. For a moment, he thinks he’s asked the most absurd question known to man when he recalls all the times you refused to make a home on the dance floor until you’ve gotten at least four drinks in your system. 

You surprise him. 

“I’d love to, Hee.” 

The room disappears when he leads you to the dance floor. He mimics the other dancers and takes the lead, swaying your bodies back and forth to the melody of the music. You smell of vanilla and cinnamon, a scent so distinctly you that it makes him grin like a man in love. 

“Thank you for tonight,” you say against his neck. “I won’t lie when I say I feel like a princess.”

“That’s because you are a princess,” Heeseung says, kissing the top of your head. “You deserve to be treated like one.”

“I can’t believe you pulled this off so quickly. Don’t restaurants like these require reservations?”

He chuckles nervously. “About that…Jay helped me with the details. I was looking up restaurants to take you to if I got the chance before our trip ended. I guess he saw the list and chose the most romantic one out of the bunch.”

“I owe Jay a thank you.”

“We both do.” 

“I feel lucky to have people in my life who care about me this much,” you say. “I’m so happy you’re back in my life.” 

“I’m happy to be in it.” Heeseung squeezes your waist. “Deep down, it’s always been you that I’ve loved. There’s not a single person who makes me feel the way you do.”

“Yeah?” 

You feel him nod. “I’ll say it until you believe me. I’ll even yell it in this restaurant right now.” 

“Please don’t,” you laugh. “I believe you.” 

The sound of the melody overtakes the conversation. You feel Heeseung’s steady heartbeat as he expertly moves your bodies together on the dance floor. When you close your eyes, you think of this moment and how badly you want to commit it to memory, no longer in anguish over the tribulations of the past year. It feels nice to let go of your worries, even better that you have Heeseung back. 

“I really want to kiss you,” he murmurs under his breath. You pull your head back.

“Then you should kiss me.” 

Heeseung wastes no time and pulls you into him, one arm around your waist and the other behind your neck. His mouth finds yours when he decides he loves the taste of red wine on your lips. It feels poetic to be kissing you for the first time as you’re both dressed to the nines in the middle of Paris. To him, kissing you feels like a breath of fresh air and the start of something new. For you, kissing him feels like coming home. 

When he pulls back, you search for his eyes. 

“Take me back to the hotel,” you whisper. 

Heeseung feels his heart drop. 

“I’m sorry. We can go back now.”

You grip the collar of his slightly unbuttoned dress shirt when he moves. It’s only then that Heeseung sees the want in your eyes and the pure lust that clouds your pupils. 

“Take me back to the hotel.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

By the time your elevator reaches your floor, Heeseung’s dress shirt is completely unbuttoned with his toned chest exposed. You’re barely able to detach yourself from his mouth when he pushes you out of the contraption. Your hand reaches for his as you pull him towards your room, digging through your purse when you feel Heeseung’s lips on the back of your neck. 

“You look sexy in my jacket,” he mumbles, pressing wet kisses to your skin. 

“L-Let me find the key.” 

“So sexy.” His hands slide up the side of your body until he grips your waist. 

When the door opens, you pull Heeseung inside with you and lock it shut before pushing his dress shirt off of his body, exposing his muscular build and broad shoulders. You aren’t shy about hiding your lust, gazing all over his chest and abdomen as you feel your core drip with arousal. 

“I like it when you look at me like that,” Heeseung says. He reaches for your hand and places it on his chest. You take the liberty to glide your nails down his abdomen, feeling the way he tenses underneath your touch. 

“I’m really wet,” you say as you eye the tent that has grown in Heeseung’s pants. 

“Are you?” he asks. “You won’t mind if I check?” 

You shake your head and Heeseung takes that as a green light, his hands finding the soft fabric of your dress before pushing his hand underneath it. He whimpers when his fingers come in contact with your wet lips. It’s adorable, the way you push yourself against him to chase his lips while he fingers smear your wetness across the fabric of your panties. 

“Bed,” you mumble against his lips. 

He follows where you pull him, loving the way you take control when you push him onto the mattress. Heeseung distracts himself to catch his breath from the overwhelming sense of pleasure to realize that you’ve started to undo his belt buckle and take his hard cock out of his pants. 

“You don’t have to—”

“I want your cock in my mouth,” you plead, looking him in the eye. “Please let me.” 

You sit politely on your knees as you unbuckle Heeseung’s pants. His chest rises and falls in anticipation and he looks down at you to see that your mouth is watering at the sight of him. 

He’s already fully hard; he has been since you started unbuttoning his shirt in the elevator. You spit directly onto the tip of his cock and he bites his lip at the sudden contact before watching as you swipe your hand up and down himself. 

Heeseung doesn’t want to think about how you learned to do what you’re doing to him. He doesn’t want to think about the boys you’ve kissed or the people who got to see you like this before. What he does know, however, is he’s the only person from here on out who will see you on your knees if he can help it. 

Your mouth envelopes the head and Heeseung emits a short grunt. The tension between you two begins to slowly dissipate as you fit more of his cock inside of your mouth. Your tongue expertly traces every ridge and vein as you push your throat down onto him, causing Heeseung to put his palms on the mattress and throw his head back. 

You hum around him when he moans. He’s itching to put his hand behind your head but refuses the idea, letting you set your own pace. Heeseung watches as you switch your angle, sitting up to rest on your knees to push your head further down on him. He witnessed as you spread your legs, a choked moan coming from his throat in conjunction with a particular gag from your mouth. 

There’s spit everywhere. It’s trailing down your lips and connecting to his cock when you pull yourself from his body. It’s seeping to his pants and he’s about to speak up when your motion attaches itself to his sensitive balls, licking at its warmth while your hand strokes him from atop. 

“That’s it. Fuuuuck.”

He bucks his hips once and curses. Heeseung feels your mouth envelop one of his balls, the pressure of your mouth around it making him feel a kind of euphoria he didn’t know was possible. Your mouth moves to the other to give it the same treatment before retreating back to his cock. This time, your hand massages him from below as you suck on him. 

When you look up at him and wink, he decides enough is enough. 

“Baby,” Heeseung pants, attempting to push your head off of him. He thinks it’s so sexy that you’re turned on while giving him a blowjob. “Baby, please stop. I don’t wanna come yet.” 

You oblige and take your mouth off of him with a popping sound. You sit back and Heeseung stares at you through drooping eyelids in pure shock and amazement at how you’ve managed to pull him to a near orgasm as quickly as you did.

“Come here,” he beckons with his fingers.

He attaches his mouth to yours and pushes his tongue inside of your mouth, exploring the warm, wet walls you have to offer. Heeseung decides that he loves the feeling of your tongue against his and lets you suck on the muscle. 

You take your dress off to reveal sheer panties with nothing else on. Heeseung’s jaw drops at your beauty, but he also cannot believe how sexy his best friend’s body is. To him, you were sculpted from the hands of Aphrodite herself with great love and care. And it’s all for him.

“You are so fucking sexy,” he murmurs, hovering over your body to press kisses to the valley of your chest. You let his hands roam and spread your legs to make room for him. 

Heeseung’s head travels back to your chest and you watch as he envelops your right nipple in his mouth. “Your tits are just perfect.” 

He makes a show out of it, hands cupping your breasts to massage them as his mouth works on you. He pushes your tits together and shoves his face between them, inhaling your scent while his tongue gathers whatever taste your body gives him. Heeseung moves to your left nipple and uses his tongue to flick the hardened bud over and over again until you’re arching your chest into his mouth. 

He grinds himself into your core with his pants still loose around his legs. It brings a moan out of your throat and he swallows it whole with his lips pressed firmly against yours. The friction feels delicious with the fabric of your panties against the hardness of Heeseung’s cock. He grinds against you with the help of your hips rolling into his, your natural wetness coating his cock in your essence. 

Heeseung moves his head to kiss your jawline, moving his mouth all over the expanse of your neck until he kisses right below your earlobe. You let out a particularly loud moan when he does, and Heeseung curses.

“Shit. Yeah baby, make those sounds for me. Let me hear your pretty moans.” 

His mouth attacks the area again and you aren’t shy about it. Your hands tangle in his hair as he kisses your neck and grinds his cock against the wet panties, which have by now molded to the shape of your pussy. 

Heeseung groans at the feeling of a particularly wet gush and lifts his hips enough to elicit a whimper out of your mouth. He experimentally lifts his hips again to align himself with you as he did before. The pressure must feel so good because your mouth hangs open with your eyes boring into his. 

“That’s it,” he encourages. “Does my baby feel good?” You can only nod and he doesn’t blame you. “That’s a good baby. Fuck, you’re so wet, it’s driving me crazy.” 

Heeseung feels your legs wrap around him and the way your heel pushes his lower back into your core. He takes the hint and quickens his pace, wanting nothing more than to see you come for him.

“You gotta come for me now, pretty girl,” he coaxed. “You deserve to come. Won’t you do that for me?” 

Heeseung is sure that he’s never seen or heard anything more erotic compared to the vision of watching you come. Your mouth opens with breathy moans as you focus on your pleasure and your eyes squeeze shut as if you’re trying to savor the moment in your mind.

“Atta girl,” Heeseung praises when your hips grind into his. He keeps himself still and lets your body take over. 

You eventually come down and realize Heeseung has yet to come, but that’s the last thing on his mind. He sinks his body down to come face-to-face with your crotch and licks the come off of the soiled fabric of your panties. The sheerness gives him a sneak peek at your pussy, and he groans when he licks a slow, fat strip up your slit.

“You taste so fucking delicious, baby.” He licks at you again, faster this time. “Tastes like milk and honey.” 

Heeseung kisses your wet panties over and over again, his soft lips providing jolts of pleasure. His hands roam around the soft flesh of your thighs and squeezes them as if he remembers you’re all his to touch. The feeling is one you want to commit to memory, but it seems like Heeseung knows your mind is working overtime because he reaches his hand to find yours and gives it a reassuring squeeze. 

You let his hand go when he pulls it from you to slide the useless barrier down your legs and to undo the straps of your heels. He takes great care to kiss your skin tenderly, starting by your ankle and making his way down just shy of where you need him the most. Heeseung repeats the process on the other leg until he comes face to face with your glistening core, licking his lips as if he doesn’t know where to start. 

“Such a pretty pussy,” he says before placing a soft kiss to your clit.

He repeats the motion, kissing your folds like they’re delicate antiquities that need to be handled with the utmost care. His lips become covered with your essence; he feels you squirm underneath him and uses the expanse of his palms to gently pry your legs open for him, soothing the soft skin of your inner thighs. 

Heeseung tentatively licks your slit and decides he loves the sound of your moans when he has his mouth on you. He does it again, dragging his tongue to feel every ridge and crevice that he’s yet to explore. His mouth feels like a warm comfort with the slow pace he sets, licking you as if he’s trying to tell you how much he loves you without saying it. 

“You taste divine.” 

You look down below to see his hair covering his eyes and brush it away with your hands. Heeseung looks right into your soul and you feel your heart clench, causing you to roll your hips into his face. He merely buries his nose close to you until he bumps your clit with the tip, pushing his wet muscle into you deeper. 

When your moans get lighter and your breathy sounds are the only audible thing in the room aside from his own moans. You open your eyes to see Heeseung humping the mattress below you. The sight is so erotic that you can’t help but let out a loud whine at the thought of Heeseung pleasuring himself while pleasuring you. 

He brings his fingers to your pussy and sways his fingers back and forth until he foregoes his slow pace, favoring a faster one. He abuses your swollen clit while you can only lay there and watch him play with you. Heeseung expertly inserts his middle finger into your seeping hole and bites his lip to concentrate on getting you to come again. 

“I need it,” he confesses, bringing his mouth to lick you as he adds another finger. “I need you to come for me again, baby. Can you do that for me?’

“Yes, Hee,” you pant. “I wanna come so badly.”

“You can do it, baby. You’ve been such a good girl tonight, giving me the best head and letting me make you come. I think you deserve to feel good.” 

“I do,” you nod rapidly. “Fuck, I think I’m coming.”

“That’s right,” he coos, hammering his digits into you while his tongue laps up the juices leaking from your pussy. “So good. You taste so fucking good. Give it to me.” 

He doesn't relent until he’s satisfied. Heeseung cleans the come from your lips as best he can while sneaking his hand to his cock, pumping himself as he tastes your orgasm on his tongue. 

“You’ve crazy,” you mutter as you settle from your high, loving the feeling of Heeseung’s mouth tenderly licking you clean. 

“For you.” He pulls his face away and wipes the back of his hand before pressing a kiss to your clit. 

When he rises to take his pants and boxers off, he sees you with your arm covering your face. 

“Are you doing okay?” 

“Perfect, actually,” you sigh. You remove your arm to see him with his cock in his hands and motion him to come towards the edge of the bed as you crawl on your knees before sitting upright to pull him into a searing kiss. 

“That might be the hottest thing I’ve ever seen you do,” Heeseung says against your mouth. “It’s better than porn, if I’m being honest.” 

You grab his cock and stroke him. “I’ll consider letting you take a video of me when we get back home if you fuck me right now.” 

“Turn around,” he says after an open-mouthed kiss.

You follow his instructions and he groans to himself as you present your perfect pussy to him again. Heeseung sinks to his knees and smacks your ass before shoving his tongue into your hole. He spreads your asscheeks apart and digs his nose against you, licking up the wetness and remnants of your orgasm like it’s his last meal. His tongue licks up your body until he finds your wrinkled muscle and presses a soft kiss to your tightest hole. 

The surprise comes to him when you moan softly. Your body doesn’t jerk away. Rather, you spread your legs further for him and Heeseung moans against your pussy before bringing his tongue to lick over the muscle again. 

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” he asks, dipping his tongue back in.

“Better than I imagined.” 

“You imagined my tongue in your ass, baby?” 

You nod. “I’ve always wanted to know what that feels like.” 

Heeseung doesn’t give you a verbal answer. Instead, he spits into your hole and watches it dribble down to your pussy, licking his way from your incredibly wet folds to your hole once again. He licks over the expanse with the surface of his tongue one, twice, three times before you’re whining for his cock. He wastes no time tearing open the condom and hurriedly places it on himself. 

The first stretch of his cock in your pussy makes him see Heaven. The sharp gasp that comes from your mouth is music to his ears and he’s careful to sink himself into you slowly, inch by inch until you’re telling him he can go further. 

His cock impales you at such a perfect angle that it has you falling to your elbows, your back arched so perfectly that he’s sure you’d be the most popular pornstar if you really wanted to be. He keeps half of his cock in you to allow you to adjust, but he underestimates just how cock hungry you are because you back yourself until he’s filling you to the brim.

“Baby’s such a slut, isn’t she?” Heeseung wonders out loud. He grins when you nod. “I love you like that. So dirty for me.” 

“Only for you,” you say, cheek pressed to the mattress when Heeseung thrusts in you. 

The sound of skin slapping echoes throughout the room. It doesn’t take long for your wet juices to glisten over the back of your thighs and onto Heeseung’s. His hands find purchase on your hips as he pulls your body close to him, loving the way your choked moans become muffled by the mattress below. 

“So. Fucking. Tight,” he moans with detailed thrusts. “So. Fucking. Wet.” 

He climbs on the bed and plants his feet on the blankets, holding your body in place as he pounds into you from above. The angle has you seeing stars and rips moan after moan from you. 

Heeseung grins wickedly. “Such a fuckable body. So perfect.” 

His degradation paired with praise ignites a fire inside of you. You can only moan louder to let Heeseung know exactly how he’s making you feel and you can’t help but think you deserved to be fucked exactly the way Heeseung is fucking you.

The pleasure feels like an explosion of a thousand suns. Your body is warm from the hours you’ve spent in the hotel room and your neighbors getting a good night’s sleep is the least of your concerns. Heeseung’s cock drills into you from above like he’s a sex god and it nearly brings you to tears. 

He turns you over carefully until you’re laying flat on your back with your head propped against the pillows. He steals one from you and puts it underneath the small of your back to create leverage before lining up his cock with your entrance and pushing himself in again.

Heeseung thrusts like he’s got to prove just how in love with you he is. Your wanton moans fill the room with his low grunts as his cock continually hits the one spot that makes you see stars, over and over again.

But you know he could do more to make you feel better. He must notice you in deep thought because he slows his hips. 

“What is it, baby?” Heeseung asks when he notices your eyebrows knit together. “Is this okay? Do you need me to stop so we can take a break?”

“Take it off,” you whisper. His hips have faltered and his pace stutters at your words.

“Take what off?”

“The condom.” Heeseung nearly chokes. “Take the condom off.” 

“Baby—”

“I just wanna feel you.” 

Heeseung curses and his hips automatically drill into yours at the request out of pure shock. He can’t lie to himself. He’s thought about it multiple times since you left for Europe and as he’s come to term with his feelings for you. The cute fantasies about taking you on dates to dinner or drive in theaters transform into daydreams about dirty affairs in his bedroom with his seed leaking out of your perfect hole. 

Still, he doesn’t believe it.

“Please, Hee,” you plead, arching your chest towards him. “Let me feel you. Don’t you want to come inside me?”

“Fuck,” he falters, his forehead on yours. “You can’t just say that…I can’t be risky with you.” 

“Yes you can.” He watches you bite your lip and feels your hands push him off of you. Heeseung doesn’t put up a fight when he slips out of your warm hole and feels your hands grip his cock, desperately trying to tug the condom off of him. 

Heeseung sees the pathetic rubber in your hands when you bring it up for him to see. It’s glistening and his mouth drools at the sight, lips parting enough as if he stares at it in disbelief. He groans lowly in your ear as he peppers a few wet kisses to your neck. 

You spread your legs wider in the air and grip his cock in your head, pumping him a few times before letting his bare tip rest against your hole. His sharp intake is enough to make you bite your lip. 

“Pussy’s so wet,” he says against your neck, pushing an inch inside of you. “God, I could come like this.”

“You can.” 

“No, baby. Gonna fuck you the way you deserve before I come.”

With that sentiment, Heeseung pushes himself inside of you until he’s fully sheathed within your walls. He relishes the way you gasp at the sudden movement and he uses this angle to his advantage, positioning his ear next to your mouth to hear your delicious sounds. 

He moves his hips at such a pace that it makes you feel like your body’s bouncing on top of the soft mattress below you. Heeseung presses his chest against yours to kiss you like his life depends on it, tongue invading the privacy of your mouth but you couldn’t care less where his mouth goes. He can feel your nipples on his skin and groans into your mouth when you clench at a particularly hard thrust. 

“S-So good,” you stutter against his mouth with a breathy moan. Heeseung feels your arm around his shoulders, scratching at his back. “Fuck, fuck!”

“Mhm,” he coaxed. “Such a good baby. You look so pretty underneath me.” 

With a new sense of purpose, Heeseung lifts himself to push himself into you at a deeper angle. He forces his hips into you harder, your hands coming to your chest to cup your tits to give you something to hold in the meantime.

“That’s right, beautiful. Squeeze your tits for me.” 

You do, pinching and twisting your nipples until you hear Heeseung moan above you. It sounds nearly animalistic, the way his throat emits a groan that sounds so primal. He sees the dirty smile you paint your mouth with and leans his head down to press a kiss to your forehead before his hand comes to your cheeks, squeezing them between my fingers.

“You like it when I fuck you like this?” Heeseung asks, hips rolling against your own pelvis. When you nod, he gives you a nasty smile of his own and gives you a few harsh thrusts for good measure before pulling himself off of your chest with his cock still inside of you. 

Heeseung sits on his knees and pulls out just far enough where his hot tip remains buried inside of you, relishing in the panty breaths you emit as he watches your chest rise and fall. You look so beautiful to him with your hair messed up against the pillow beneath you and with a few faint hickeys on your chest and neck. Heeseung thinks that all of his wildest dreams could never compare to how gorgeous you look when you’re positioned directly where he wants you. 

You don’t complain when he pulls out to rest his cock on your wet, bare pussy. You wince at the loss and let him slide himself up and down, biting your lip when he grazes your swollen clit over and over again. 

The man above you lifts your right leg so that he can grip you tighter. You relinquish any control left in your body as Heeseung curses and kisses the side of your ankle. He dips the head of his cock inside and thrusts shallowly as if to tease, but you know he’s exploring all the way his cock looks like against your own body. 

It feels euphoric. The whole affair is dirty, but it’s the kind of dirty that makes you want to do it again. It’s the kind of dirty that makes this night an event you’ll want to remember for the rest of your night because Heeseung had poured his entire heart and soul for you to take. 

For Heeseung, this pleasure is less about knowing you have him permission to put himself inside you. You’ve always been so sure of yourself and your body; it’s something Heeseung has always admired about you as a person. Growing up with your insecurities of relationships and dating might’ve made you feel like a late bloomer; to Heeseung, your tendency to keep your head straight has always been a testament to how knowledgeable you are about yourself and about others. You save yourself for people who are worthy of you, and god, does he want to be worthy of you.

“I love you,” Heeseung whispers from above you. His eyes are closed and he pays no mind to the feeling your pussy gives him. Flashes of your memories stitch together like a film reel with your laughter as the soundtrack. He doesn’t think he wants to hear anything else for the rest of his life. 

Just for good measure, he whispers it again. “I love you so much.” 

“And I love you.”

Heeseung opens his eyes to see your tender ones, cheeks flushed from the sudden compliment. He always liked that he knew how to get you to blush when no one else couldn’t. This time, a sense of pride blooms in his chest. 

“I’ll never let you down,” he confesses. “And if I do, I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” 

“I know, baby.” Heeseung’s hand cups your cheek and caresses it. “I trust you.” 

That’s enough for him to release your leg from his grip and pound himself into you like his life depends on bringing you to peak happiness. 

Heeseung’s palms are planted firmly on either side of your body as his hips roll gracefully against yours, the hot, wet mess between the two of you splashing on both of your thighs. He watches your eyes close shut and as your back arches to relieve some of the pressure, feeling somewhat proud of himself when he watches as your hands grab at the sheets for stability. 

There’s nothing that compares to watching you orgasm. Your eyebrows knit as if you’re concentrating while your mouth stands slightly ajar at the euphoric feeling of that single knot that’s threatening to come undone until it does. All of the girls he’s deluded into thinking he liked could never compare to the looks and sounds you’re making. 

“That’s it,” he coaxes softly. “Cream my cock, baby. That’s a good girl.” 

Heeseung feels you push and clench around him, gushing until there’s nowhere left for your come to go. He peeks down at where the two of you meet and groans when he sees his cock becoming painted in a sheer layer of white. It edges him on and the moment he locks his eyes with yours, his hips begin to stutter and he spills all he has to offer inside of you. 

He comes with short breaths as if he can’t believe you’ve allowed him to do so. Your hips move up and down as if to milk him for all he’s worth while Heeseung’s trying his best to balance his body on top of yours, grateful that some of his gym workouts prevent him from completely collapsing on top of you to.

His come seeps from your bodies and he pulls out, a few droplets splattering on your pussy lips. He nudges the tip against it, smearing his paint across your canvas and marveling at the sight. 

“My good girl,” he murmurs, eyes locked in at his handy work.

“I’ve never let anyone come inside of me,” you say with a fond expression. Your arm comes to brush Heeseung’s hair from his face before cradling his cheek when he looks at you in surprise. 

“Really?” 

You nod, biting your cheek. “Well, I always knew you were it for me. I didn’t want anyone else tainting what’s yours.” 

“Mine?” he asks, catching his breath. “You mean it? You’re mine.”

“I’m yours, Hee.” 

“All mine,” he mutters to himself in disbelief. 

You still feel his cock working itself against you. He’s still hard, a wonder after your hours locked away in your hotel room. It makes you laugh.

“No one has ever compared to you either,” Heeseung says. He doesn’t take his eyes off of you as he continues toying with your pussy. “Even when I fooled myself into thinking I didn’t like you.”

You laugh. “Well that’s good to hear. I realized all the guys I went after while I was abroad either looked like you or reminded me of you.” 

“I can confidently and stupidly say the same.” 

Your laughs echo through the room. Heeseung pulls your body upright, not caring that your mixed come is leaking on his cock and his bare lap. He kisses you with tender care, lips moving at a slow pace while his hands roam over the expanse of your back while your hands are on his broad shoulders. Heeseung could live like this everyday if you’d let him. 

You smile midway through when you feel his fully hardened cock against you. Heeseung apologizes quietly against your lips but feels you shake your head, pulling back to push him against the headboard until he’s comfortably seated. 

He looks at your pussy when you hover above him, the white cream still sticking to you as you grip his cock. Heeseung can’t believe his eyes when he understands what you’re about to do. Before he can even think, you align yourself with his cock and sink until you’re stuffed with him.

“Shit,” he curses through his teeth. 

“What good is coming inside of me if you don’t do it again and again, Hee?” 

“That might be the hottest thing you’ve ever said to me.” 

“Oh, yeah?”

You don’t move just yet, opting to press small kisses to Heeseung’s face. You kiss his forehead, both temples, his nose, both eyelids, and the apples of his cheeks before placing a kiss to his lips. 

“Before we leave, I want you to fuck me against that window,” you say, turning your head to the window that glimpses the city below. 

“But people can see,” is Heeseung’s first comment.

“So?” 

He chokes and when you feel his cock twitch inside of you, you can’t help but laugh at him.

“I’ve heard talk about your escapades, Lee. Why so shy with me?” 

He smacks your asscheek. “Naughty girl. Didn’t know you were nasty like that.” Heeseung gives you that kind of teasing smile that has you folding for him all over again. “Alright then, humor me. What else do you want to do before we leave?” 

“I’d love to give you a blowjob while we shower, too.” 

“That can certainly be arranged. Anything else?” 

You look around the room. “I kind of want to see you eat me out while I sit on the desk chair. Makes me think you’re some kind of secretary who’s desperate for my pussy.”

“I am desperate for your pussy,” Heeseung reminds you. “What if I’m the stone cold CEO and you’re the cute secretary whose ass I dream about?” 

You swat his chest. “This is my fantasy. You can have yours when we get home.” 

Heeseung raises his eyebrow. “Mm, you sure?”

“Positively,” you nod. Heeseung’s hands travel from your ass to your hips and guides you up and down his cock, letting you set the pace after the brutal first round from a few minutes prior. 

“Gonna fuck you in and on my car, since you like being watched so much,” Heeseung teases. His words seem to make your pussy clench and hips move faster. He forgoes any shyness when speaking about his fantasies and spills his every thought.

“I always thought you looked so cute in your old school uniform. I’ve always wanted to take you in that skirt they gave you.”

“I’ll buy one of those sexy schoolgirl costumes and surprise you for your birthday,” you say, locking your eyes with him. “Oh, professor! Is there anything I can do to raise my grade?”

Heeseung laughs at your antics, but the images of you in the costume aforementioned makes his grip on your body tighter. 

“I selfishly want to watch you suck me off while I play with the guys.” He says it in a way that makes him avert his gaze and you can see a faint blush on his face. “I-I saw this video on Twitter. It looks hot.”

“I can do that for you.” You kiss both of his burning cheeks.

“But mostly, I just want you to sit on my face. Mad at me? Sit on my face. Sad? Sit on my face. Happy to see me? Sit on my face.” 

“Simp,” you grunt, thighs burning from pushing yourself on and off of Heeseung’s cock. 

“And proud.” He smacks both ass cheeks again. “Now what do you say, baby? If you ride me until you come, you can blow me in the bathroom before I fuck you in front of the entirety of Paris. Can you do that for me?”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The next morning, you meet Heeseung and the rest of the guys in the lobby while Jay checks out on behalf of all of you. Jake’s the first to see you coming. 

“You’re glowing and I don’t know if I like that.” He raises his eyebrow at Heeseung, who has pulled you into him by your waist. 

“At least some of us are getting laid,” you retort. “I don’t recall seeing anyone do the walk of shame even though you had the room to yourself.” 

Riki and Sunoo don’t try to contain their laughter as Jake’s cheeks turn a shade of pink. He rolls his eyes when you look at him, but shakes his head and punches your arm with your first. 

“Nah, I’m really glad you two got that out of your system and worked it out.”

“You guys had major sexual tension,” Sunoo comments. 

“Thank God Y/N’s room was at the end of the hall,” says Sunghoon. “I don’t know how their neighbors felt but I can sleep peacefully knowing I didn’t have to hear all of that.” 

“Okay, enough,” Heeseung laughs. “We get it, we had a lot of sexual tension and now we’re fine.”

“So you guys are boyfriend-girlfriend?” Jungwon asks. 

“Y/N is my girlfriend and I am her boyfriend.” 

“I will key his car if he hurts you again,” Riki tells you, looking at Heeseung after he’s finished speaking. You detach yourself from his waist and bring your arms around Riki to give him a squeeze.

“Thanks, Riki.”

“Okay, we should call the cabs right now so we can get to the airport early,” Jay says from behind you. 

“Jay is such a dad,” Jungwon whispers. 

He pays no mind to Jungwon’s words, instead focusing on the way Heeseung pulls you into his chest. It warms his heart in ways he can’t explain.

“Congratulations, you two. Let’s go home.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

add yourself to my taglist !!

taglist: @baevsxii @lillotus17 @syzavxy @mrmld @nikilvrfvr.

[missvelvetsstuff]

No Benefits

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Reader and Bucky are best friends until a drunken hook up. Bucky wants a friends with benefits situation because he doesn't feel ready for a relationship but reader knows that will lead to a broken heart.

Then Sharon Carter comes to work with them.

Notes: Steve and Tony are around but retired, everything else is mostly canon

Chapter 7

Warnings: swearing, angst

Sam returned from dropping Cookie at her new home hoping he could get to his room and changed into workout gear without running into anyone. Unfortunately, luck wasn't with him and he heard someone in the kitchen. He decided to speed walk past and hope that whoever it was, was too busy to notice him. That didn't work out either and as he heard Bucky calling his name, Sam cursed softly before stopping.

"Hey Bucky, what's up?"

Bucky looked at him, confused "Why are you coming from the hangar? I didn't hear about any mission."

Sam shook his head "Just a quick errand, not a mission."

Bucky's brow furrowed "On a quinjet? What's the story?"

Sam smirked "Sorry, Terminator. It's classified, I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you." He laughed out loud as he walked away.

They met in the gym a short while later and Bucky kept needling Sam to find out what he was up to but Sam held his tongue, even after Bucky gave him a black eye.

In the wee hours of the next morning, Tony Stark was fighting off sleep when he received an email notification *Transfer of Personnel*. Curious, because he hadn't approved any changes, he read through the email growing more and more angry as he realized what it said. He turned up his music and cursed for 5 minutes straight. Once he calmed down, he composed and sent an urgent email.

The Avengers, their ancillary staff and the new head of intel for the compound all received emails accompanied by an alarm, meaning that whatever it was, was urgent, forcing all of them up and out of bed.

Bucky looked at his phone which said 4am, cursing and threw on a shirt and sweats before heading to the conference room. As he grew closer he saw other Avengers and some staff that he knew but others he wasn't familiar with, all trudging the same way he was. He looked at his phone and saw it was 4:15 and swore again. Some poor intern was standing at the conference room door, in her bathrobe and slippers, handing out coffees to anyone who wanted one. Bucky took one and nodded in thanks before sitting at the table by Steve and across from Nat, Sharon and Yelena.

"Why are you here punk? Doesn't being retired mean you don't have to deal with this bullshit?"

Steve shrugged "Ask Tony, we were up late working so I slept in my old room and he included me in his email."

When the room was almost full Tony came in hands shaking, from anger or caffeine was hard to tell but he'd obviously had too much of both. Sam followed behind him.

Tony cleared his throat.

"Alright. Everyone sit down and shut the Hell up."

He paused for a moment to let everyone settle down before he spoke with an edge to his voice

"I want all of you to know how absolutely fucking furious I am right now so you can appreciate how hard I'm working to control myself."

Everyone looked at him with tired eyes before he continued

"First, I want you all to meet our liaison with the intel office here, this is Dylan, supervisor for the Compound intelligence office."

Dylan stood and waved nervously before quickly sitting down.

Steve looked confused "Why won't Cookie be our contact anymore?"

Bucky straightened up and looked at Steve when he heard him mention Cookie. He noticed Sam hadn't said anything and knew he was closest to Cookie lately. Sam looked suspiciously calm, considering what Tony just told them.

Bucky jumped when Tony slapped the table and shouted

"I want to know which one of you assholes made Cookie leave without even saying goodbye? I woke up this morning to an email from Fury letting me know she moved to a different office." Tony paused, panting "I wanna know who is going to make my cookies now? One of you fuckers better step up and find a way to get her to come back or there will be Hell to pay."

Bucky sat back in his chair in shock. He had planned to talk to Cookie soon, he just felt so guilty over hurting her again and again. He knew she deserved better than a broken man like him and when he had finally convinced himself that he deserved to be happy and finally showed her how he felt and spent the night with her, Nat had pulled him into Antonia's web. All he had done since then was hurt her, repeatedly.

Tony hadn't stopped ranting until he looked at Bucky "It was you, Manchurian, wasn't it?" He looked over at Nat, then Sharon and Yelena "and you three. You were all controlled by Antonia, and that's fucked up no question but Cookie got a pretty bad deal in all this too and she considered all of you her friends. So what did you do?"

All four of them looked down at their hands and mumbled incoherently.

Sam cleared his throat

"They didn't do anything, not a god damned thing."

He looked pointedly at each of them "You all acted like acknowledging her would prove that you hurt her and Cookie was so worried that you all seeing her around was making your healing more difficult so she left to make your lives easier while not one of you could be bothered to even try talking to her or spare a thought for her feelings or healing."

Bucky looked at Sam "So where is she?" Something occurred to him "That's your secret mission yesterday, wasn't it? You took her away from me." he accused.

Sam shook his head "No Barnes, you pushed her away. Even after you've been cleared by medical, you didn't even try to talk to her. Just kept skulking around, making her feel guilty."

"But she didn't do anything wrong why would she feel guilty?" Bucky argued

Sam rolled his eyes. "Just take a minute to think about it, you'll get there."

Bucky slowly figured out what Sam was talking about and his head fell. He knew he needed to talk to her, even Dr Raynor who he had been seeing 3 times a week had pushed him to tell her but he hadn't felt ready for Cookie to confirm what he already knew. Even though it wasn't really his fault it was still him and their chances for any kind of relationship were dead.

Bucky felt his eyes fill with tears "It's my fault Cookie is gone but I need to find a way to talk to her and convince her to come home." He looked at Sam "Where is she?"

Sam shook his head "Not a chance. Not until Cookie gives me the ok. Sorry, tin man."

Bucky growled and hit the table, making Tony shout until Bucky glared at him before stalking out of the room.

When Tony was done ranting, Steve left to find Bucky. He went to Bucky's room but he wasn't there. Or in the kitchen or common room. Steve was ready to give up when Friday's alarm blared and announced that the sprinklers had come on in the Avengers private gym which was limited to the team and a select few agents. It was rarely used since the team was usually training with recruits, except for Bucky.

By the time Steve made it to the gym, Bucky was kneeling in the middle of the destroyed room, breathing heavily, sprinklers raining down on him.

"It's my fault, Steve. I fucked everything up and now she's gone." He shook his head "I can't do this without her, I don't know how to deal with all of this every day without her by my side like she has been for the last 2 years." He looked at Steve sadly "What do I do now? How can I get her back?"

Steve shrugged and shook his head "I don't know Buck, I just don't know."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In her new city, Cookie woke up in her new townhouse and got ready for her first day in a new office. Considering how the compound had felt recently she enjoyed having her own kitchen and living area. No one avoiding or ignoring her, making her feel bad for just existing in their space.

Different office but the same job and she already knew all of the analysts here, had hired most of them, but people behaved differently when the boss was around.

It was a beautiful spring day so Cookie decided to walk the short distance to her office. Like the compound her department only took up a floor but instead of Avengers they were surrounded by CIA agents, definitely not as friendly but that was fine with her. Cookie was more interested in work than any personal entanglements with her co-workers.

Cookie entered the building and went directly to S.W.O.R.D. Director Tyler Hayward. He was an ambitious man who wasn't thrilled to have someone in 'his office' who reported to someone else and wasn't in his control but he wasn't going to risk going against Fury so affixed a fake smile to his face and welcomed Cookie to the office.

They spoke for a few minutes before he led her to a conference room to meet with all of the analysts that report to Cookie. Annie was the senior analyst and had known Cookie for a few years so showed her to her new office.

Annie and Cookie had become good long distance friends, bonding over their shared love of mystery books.

When they arrived in Cookies office, Annie told her about a new book release by an author they both loved. The party was this coming Saturday and the publishing company had their offices a few buildings over. Annie had been able to get her name on the guest list and wanted Cookie to be her plus one since Annie's girlfriend didn't care for mysteries.

Cookie responded enthusiastically and they planned to have a late dinner after the party. Cookie was excited to have the opportunity to look around Boston and maybe meet Harland Thrombey.

She thought to herself. Maybe the move wouldn't be so bad after all.

Cookie had a busy week getting settled into her new office and butting heads with Tyler over some tips she had offered to streamline some of their processes. She went to work for a few hours on Saturday before meeting Annie for a mani-pedi after lunch. She went home to get dressed in a purple, silk, cocktail dress with a deep v-neck that fell just above her knees. Adding black stilettos and clutch to complete the look.

She met Annie at the entrance to the building, they checked each other out appreciatively and linked arms as they walked into the party.

A tall, well built, dark blonde haired man noticed Cookie's entrance and his bright blue eyes followed her around the room, after deciding the tall woman he had never seen before would be the evenings prey.

He approached them as she was getting a drink "You're new in town."

Cookie looked at him curiously, feeling her face heat up as he so obviously checked her out. She nodded "I am. Are you the welcoming committee?"

The man nodded "For a lady as pretty as you, I will endeavour to be welcoming." He took her hand and kissed the back "Ransom Drysdale, pleased to meet you."

"I'm Y/N Y/L/N but my friends call me Cookie, this is my friend Annie. Your name is familiar but I can't- oh my gosh you're Harland Thrombey's grandson. One of the VP's here."

Ransom smiled and made a small bow "That's me. Would you like to meet him?"

Annie and Cookie nodded enthusiastically and took the arms Ransom offered to lead her over to meet his grandfather who was as kind and gracious as she hoped he would be. Unfortunately the party was crowded and there were many others waiting to meet the author, so they only chatted for a few minutes.

Shortly after they met Harland, Annie's girlfriend called, asking her to pick up some infants pain killer as their daughter had woken up from teething pain. She tried to apologize but Cookie shooed her away and promised she would find her own way home.

As soon as Annie was out of sight, Ransom smiled at Cookie and licked his lips. "So, Cookie, do you want to get out of here? My club has a great late supper menu if you're hungry or I'm sure we can find something to do."

@erelierraceala @capswife @ozwriterchick @cjand10 @wintrsoldrluvr @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @browneyedgrli @greatenthusiasttidalwave @hhiggs @dontworryboutitsweetheart-blog @behindmygreyeyes @pattiemac1 @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @calwitch @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @ordelixx @blackhawkfanatic @casey1-2007 @scott-loki-barnes @selella

Chapter 8

[bentosandbox]

quick TL for Swummer Module bc it was great (and a bit of Chummer's module)

Happy 5 year anniversary of the chenswire (chapter 5) banner

[Pinned] Regular Chat Group (4)

16:26 Guma: I'm hungry, what's for dinner? Swire: Let's have something nice. Grand Lungmen Resturant, 8PM! You need to try that new puhn choi on their menu. It's their usual recipe, but they use ingredients sourced from that new MCT trade route. They have stuff from Rim Billiton to Sargon. Super fresh. The set also comes with a bottle wine from Sami! Swire: Bison and I worked our asses off to establish this supply chain so you guys better try it! @ Rat Rat: You're counting me in?

17:09 Guma: So hungry. can we go now? Swire: There's no seats available rn, just snack on something first!

18:32 Guma: hungry...

19:20 Guma: so hungryyyyyyy...

19:58 Rat: Something urgent came up, you guys go on without me

20:08 Swire: Huh? Swire: Wb hoshiguma?

20:23 Swire: It's been so long since we had a meal together so we better get one today! Lmk what you want to eat asap after work!

20:41 Swire: so what are we having tonight?

21:19 Swire: what are we having tonightttt??????? Swire: LIN YUXIA I SAW YOUR READ NOTIF!! answer! Rat: I just finished work. Didn't you just release your Director Swire Lungmen Food Guide with the nonstop noisy af TV ads. why are you asking me to decide Guma: Done with my emergency mission. I'm fine w anything as long as there's meat. So hungry I could eat an entire burdenbeast head Rat: What about the snack street? 'the shopping district is right next door, a convergence of unique goods from all over Terra. Only in Lungmen can you shop the whole land!' Writing's not bad Swire: Duh its my work so ofc the copywriting has to be good too Guma: nah sounds like there won't be a lot of meat Swire: Remember the volcanic mud cleanser I got for you @ Rat and the surfboard @ Guma you can buy them there too Swire: Bison and i adjusted the prices until they're just slightly pricier than what you'd pay in siesta. Does that work? Guma: Don't feel like eating surfboard Rat: Then international trade park? The guide's no.2 Swire: Sure we're drawing some investors over there atm so there's plenty of foreign food there they're p good Guma: I want meat also ill take more than 30min to get there from here ill die from hunger Swire: Pity. It's pretty popular with the youths yk, recommended date spot Rat: Agh! Rat: Final option. The cai zhe min stall behind the LGD office. That or you guys can starve Guma: no objections Swire: no objections

21:30 Swire: wait LYX why do you have my guide i thought you didn't like that sort of noise Rat: Just happened to pick it up, problem?

21:33 Rat: Why is the czm stall not in your guide? Swire: I wanted to but the boss wouldn't let me sth about its too bougie for him hes just a regular noodle stall Swire: True tho. Certified Lungmen™️ moment

21:38 Guma: I already ordered come ASAP

23:35 Guma: Why hasn't chen read any of our messages? Swire: Bc she has to connect to an intercity net first. Who knows she might just be on the top of a haystack in some valley waving her terminal around for signal right now

--new messages-- PGL: ...... PGL: you mean a pile of rubble PGL: I'm back in lungmen, i want to eat czm too

thoughts/notes:

As I mentioned in the other ask Swire set nicknames for the other 3 Hoshi: 🐻🐻 Chen: Puk Gaai Lung Lin: Stinky Rat (wanted to use CLS (cau lau syu) but i kept misreading it as cho shan land so lmaoo

Hoshi 'i don't feel like having surfboard for dinner' guma

Lin really likes her cart noodles huh (nodding)

Hoshi and Lin both finished their urgent work at the same time 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

this is so good for character study idk like the way lin is like indirectly 'me too?' and never commits but doesn't exactly ghost 24/7 either also her being like -_-💢this or you starve idc HOSHIGUMA.....hungryguma so cute she dgaf Swire. 'the youths love coming here for dates' spoken like a real 25+yo AND CHEN... when youre that one guy in the gc whos overseas or in a diff timezone .......i doubt the timeline doesn't add up so nicely but i had a funny mental image of the 3 eating their noodles and then suddenly chen in her victorian outfit shows up behind them all covered in blood and dust from ch14

Right uh Chummer module:

shes in dossoles, some boy is asking her for help because his dad pulled his mom into some smuggling trade (and he used to be part of it too) chen is like dw i'll punish him and his gang if they deserve it and the boy asked if prison will reform his dad (chen: ...why do you ask) saying his dad used to be Normal but then became money hungry after they came to dossoles and promised him he would take them on a cruise to spot rainbows or something?? chen is like theres water everywhere here shouldnt you have seen enough rainbows. hes like it doesnt count it has to be on a ship and all... she thinks its valid as she remembers how much she wanted wei's approval back then and asks if he still thinks the same and hes like yeah but i cant do it alone... chen is silent for a moment and then helps the boy out, leaving a note before they split ways 'then you'll have to figure out a way to make him hear you out, to tell him you want him to be a better person. at least, he needs to understand your point of view' then it switches to 3rd person narrative lol it rained that day, and chen(女侠 ..!!) subdues a criminal gang, rescuing a woman. the surprising part is that the leader wanted to fight to the end before a child suddenly appeared before him. at some point the rain stops and a rainbow appears, making the gangleader hesitant and eventually drops his weapon after (his son) says something to him. witnesses remark on how chen did not seem happy by this outcome, only pensively staring towards the east

honestly my first reaction was 'omg chen nuxia interrobang' and then 'wuh..??' bc it was so vague compared to what was essentially chatfic or w/e the term is lmao not much on the brain atm except:

hen module: looks toward lungmen swire module: im back

the kinoooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pedrito-friskito]

strawberry wine - joel miller x fem!reader

during - part five

series masterlist | main masterlist | read on ao3

and then it all comes crashing down.

a/n: outbreak day! plus the time leading up. I couldn’t bring myself to write joel’s side of the tragedy, but here we are. the start of “during”. potentially a little bit of canon-divergence from here until the “after”, but I’m trying to stick with that information we have, while filling in the gaps for reader’s story. (“after” will be when they leave boston with ellie)

word count: 4.4k

warnings: MY BLOG IS 18+, MINORS DNI, angst, fluff, a super brief mention of 9/11, this is definitely not as sad as part four but it’s also involves outbreak day so there’s that, canon-typical violence, death, yes I am turning reader into a badass and I will not apologize.

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You never really stop thinking about him. And he never really stops being apart of your life, not truly.

He’s the first person you call, when the Towers fall in New York, not a week after you’ve started your internship. You see it on television, standing in line to get your boss his daily latte, and you pull out your cell phone without a second thought, dialling Joel’s number. “Have you seen the news?”

A freak snowstorm stops you from getting home for Christmas that year; the airport is a disaster to get through after everything that’s happened, so you take a few days off to drive it instead, but you can’t even get out of the state, let alone across the country. So your holidays that year are spent with local friends you’ve made at work, calling your family on Christmas Day and New Year’s.

You try to call Joel on New Year’s, to wish him a good year as the clock strikes twelve, but the call goes to voicemail, and your friends are counting down the ball drop as you ramble into the phone.

Hey, it’s me! Just calling to say Happy New Year, hope you’re having a good night. And hope I get to see more of you in 2002. That year sounds so funny, doesn’t it? Talk to you soon, Joel Miller. Bye.

You almost say it, the words creeping up the back of your throat. The missing him hasn’t abated, even with the time and the distance. You sleep in one of the flannel shirts you’d stolen every night, and you’ll admit that you cried a little when you had to wash them, realizing that it would wash the scent of him away almost completely.

The phone calls get more sporadic, and you don’t blame him. There’s only an hour time difference between Texas and Massachusetts, but it feels like much more. You’re off-kilter from one another, always seeming to catch each other’s voicemail instead of the real person.

You manage to make it home for the Fourth of July the following summer, your internship having turned into a real job, but a real job that’s kept you busier than ever for the first half of the year. Your boss is, blessedly, understanding, and lets you take two weeks to go back to Austin.

He meets you at the airport, your name scrawled on a piece of paper, a bouquet of daisies in his grip, and you nearly burst into tears right there in the terminal. Your entire two weeks is filled with him, though you try to split your time between the Miller’s house and your own, letting your sister talk your ear off more than she already does on the phone, taking a few afternoons to help your dad around the hardware store. But almost every night finds you in Joel’s bed.

You all go to the park for fireworks on the Fourth. Your parents are re-introduced to Joel, though you’re both adamantly just calling each other “good friends” — which earns you an eye roll from your sister. Sarah runs around the field with the other kids, waving sparklers and giggling like mad. You stick close to Joel, the three of you sitting on a blanket in the grass, and you watch the firework together, your head resting on his shoulder, his arm swung around your waist. Sarah’s too preoccupied with the firework display to notice.

When you get home the next morning, your sister hands you a polaroid, the words July 4th 2002 written in sharpie along the border. It’s you and Joel, backlit, your head on his shoulder as a gigantic white firework explodes in the night sky. You don’t know what to say.

“I know you never wanted to leave him,” she says, and you nearly burst into tears as you hug her.

It’s another tearful goodbye when your two weeks are up, and you’re a fool to think it’d be any easier than the first time. You say goodbye to your parents first, and Joel picks you up in his truck, taking you to the airport. He kisses you deeply outside, burying his hands in your hair and squeezing you tight before letting you go.

And always the same farewell, the same thing he said when you first left, the same thing he’s said at the end of every phone call.

“Take care of yourself, baby.”

+

You meet Dean through a friend of a friend.

It’s almost Christmas, 2002, and you haven’t been home since July. Your phone calls with Joel have dwindled to almost non-existent; you just don’t have the time. Work is busy, to the point where you find yourself still sat at your desk until nearly midnight some nights. And you’re still missing each other, voicemails left occasionally, the missed calls stacking up through the week until it’s the weekend and you feel too tired to put yourself through the heartbreak of hearing his voice.

Hey, darlin’, it’s me. I keep missin’ ya, I guess. Hope you’re doin’ okay. Don’t work too hard, yeah? Been thinking about you a lot and I just…Take care of yourself.

It felt like a goodbye. Standing in your kitchen, takeout spread out on your counter, chopsticks in hand. He hadn’t said it, not specifically. There was no I can’t do this anymore, no this hurts too much, doesn’t it hurt you too? But it still felt like a finality, of sorts.

You took the takeout to bed with a bottle of wine.

That weekend, your friends drag you out to some party. A housewarming thing for someone you don’t know, a fancy loft on the other side of the city. It’s as good a reason as any to get out of your head, throwing on a new dress and a bit of makeup. You do shots in your apartment before piling into a cab, tipsy by the time you get to the party. There’s lots of faces you don’t know, your friends pulling you through the crowds, one of them grinning at you.

“You have to meet Dean.”

He’s tall. Sandy blonde hair and bright blue eyes and he’s a lawyer. He laughs at your jokes and gets you another drink when you finish your first. He’s from Boston; a pure-bred, he tells you, and chuckles when you ask to see his pedigree.

You wake up in his bed the next day, your dress and shoes scattered on the floor of his stupidly nice apartment, head throbbing with a hangover, guilt bubbling up on your tongue like bile. Dean makes you coffee and calls you a cab, gives you a business card with his number on it. “God, this feels like a business deal,” he says, shaking his head, nearly taking the card back. “I can find a takeout menu or something, write my number on that instead.”

“No, this is good,” you laugh, and the guilt mixes with something strangely giddy when he kisses you goodbye.

When you get home, you wrap yourself in the flannel you’d taken from Joel, and weep. Part of you whispers that you shouldn’t feel guilty, that Joel’s all the way across the country, that you two aren’t technically together to begin with, but it does little to ease the ache in your chest.

Your friend calls in the early afternoon, and when she hears the crack in your voice, she’s on your doorstep not thirty minutes later. You spill your guts — recount the story of you and Joel, show her the polaroid from the Fourth of July, tell her everything, until you’re crying on your couch again.

“Honey, maybe you should talk to him,” she tells you, and you know she’s right, but the idea of talking to Joel just makes your chest hurt more. “This isn’t good for either of you, holding on like this when you can’t be together. Talk to him.”

Joel beats you to the punch, calling you shortly after your friend has left. “Hey, finally got you instead of your voicemail.”

“Hah, yeah,” you reply, sinking a little deeper into the couch. “Sorry I keep missing you.”

“S’okay,” he mumbles, and it only hurts more when you can almost see him in your head, sitting on his couch or at the edge of his bed, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine,” you lie, wiping the wet from your cheeks. “Just busy lately, y’know?”

“Yeah,” he agrees, then pauses. “You sure you’re okay?”

You inhale deeply, feeling the air rattle its way through your lungs. “Joel, I met someone.”

It’s a long moment, before he says anything, so long you think you’ve lost him for a second, that he hung up. But then, “That’s good.”

“Is it?”

“No,” he says instantly, and you both let out watery laughs. “No, but it…It is good. You’re all the way out there and I’m here and…Missin’ you, not havin’ you around, it hurts, y’know?”

“I do,” you agree, biting into your lower lip when it wobbles. “I miss you too, Joel, it’s just—”

“I know, baby,” he replies, and the tone in his voice makes your eyes slip shut, tears pouring down your cheeks. “I gotta go, I promised Sarah movie night. We’ll….we’ll talk soon, alright?” A pause. “Take care of yourself.”

The line goes dead for real then, and you launch your phone across the room, groaning when it lands on the carpet and doesn’t smash to pieces. You bury yourself in the pillows on the couch, and just cry.

Dean calls the following week, and asks you out to dinner. Dinner evolves into more than that, more dates and more conversation. He works two blocks down from you, and brings you coffee every morning on his way to his office. He takes you to museums and art galleries and introduces you to his friends. It’s easy to fall for him, and you let yourself do it. He kisses you at midnight on New Year’s, whispers that 2003 is going to be the best year of your lives.

You have no idea how wrong he will turn out to be.

+

It’s September 26th, 2003. It’s your twenty-fifth birthday.

It starts out like a normal day; as normal as it can be, lately. You’ve made a point to ignore the news as best you can, letting Dean recap it for you when he gets home each day, filling you in on the water cooler talk that you only half listen to.

Dean’s up and gone when you wake up, but there’s a birthday card beside your pillow, a cartoon cake with a silly face. You’re another year older… And the inside reads: and other year cuter! Happy Birthday! It’s cheesy and you scoff out a laugh, getting up and going about your morning routine. A fire truck screams down the road when you walk out of the building, cop cars trailing after it, but you think nothing of it; sirens are a common occurrence in the city.

It’s a short walk from your apartment — the apartment you now share with Dean, the pair of you having relocated somewhere that was closer to both your jobs — to work, and you stop by your favourite coffee shop, only slightly disappointed when they don’t have the raspberry scones you like. “It’s a supply chain thing,” the girl behind the counter tells you with a shrug. “They haven’t been able to get ingredients in for weeks. I’m just glad we have coffee.”

“That makes two of us,” you agree, taking your cup with a nod. “Have a good day!”

“You, too!”

There’s a big bouquet of roses waiting on your desk, the card signed with Dean’s name, and the other girls ooh and ahh at the arrangement. One of them asks you if you think he’ll propose, and you have to resist the urge to sprint in the opposite direction.

Dean calls on your lunch break, tells you he’s already pre-ordered from your favourite Thai place, and it’ll be waiting for you when you get home from your post-work drinks with your friends. When he tells you he loves you, it still makes your chest ache, just a touch.

You still think about Joel. It’s hard not to. After that last call, when you told him you’d met Dean, you called back a few days later, unable to stop yourself. There were apologies, from both him and you, and the conversation ended with a promise that you’d still stay in touch, that it would still be friendly between you, and that maybe someday could be an option, if the time was right, but you wouldn’t stand in each other’s way.

So you’ve stayed in touch. The phone calls are still more sporadic than anything, but it’s always nice to hear his voice, and he always has a joke to crack. And, consistent Joel Miller, at the end of every phone call: “Take care of yourself, darlin’.”

You get a surprising amount of work done that day, your friends appearing at five o’clock on the dot and dragging you away from your computer. You let them buy you happy hour drinks and put a Birthday Princess tiara on your head, laugh your way through the evening until it’s almost nine. You thank you friends and leave the bar, and think as you walk past one of the little corner store grocery shops that you could really use a chocolate bar.

You’re walking down the toiletries aisle, the basket hanging from your elbow filled with not just chocolate, but a few other things you couldn’t resist, when your phone rings, an Austin area code flashing on the screen.

“I didn’t know today was your birthday,” Joel says by way of hello, and you giggle. “How have I known you this long and not known that you and I have the same birthday?”

“You never asked,” you answer, reaching for a tissue box with a fun pattern, “and it never came up, really. Wait, today’s your birthday too?”

“Thirty-six and still breathin’,” he confirms, and you can’t help the grin that spreads across your face. “I stopped by the hardware store today for a few things, your dad told me.”

“Ahh.” Your parents had called you just before you’d left for work. “That store must be so boring without me in it.”

“It really is,” Joel agrees, and then his voice drops. “No one around to make out with in the aisles.” A beat, and then. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you say quickly, shaking your head even though you know he can’t see it, the memory of being pressed between the shelves of paint cans and Joel Miller making your face heat. “It’s a good memory.”

“It is,” he agrees, making a little humming noise. “So, boyfriend got big plans for you tonight?”

“Thai food and a movie,” you tell him, grabbing a bottle of toilet cleaner. “Just left the bar, had some drinks with my work friends. Never really been a big birthday person, y’know?”

“You’re preaching to the choir, darlin’.”

“What about you, Joel Miller?” you ask, heading down the next aisle. A lot of the shelves are empty, and it makes your brow furrow. “What big birthday plans do you have this evening?”

“Hah, none,” he replies. “Working a double with Tommy, just took a break now. Told Sarah I’d be home by nine, but I don’t know if that’ll work out. They gave us the wrong size for the headers and…” He trails off. “That doesn’t mean anything to you, does it?”

“I’d listen to you read the phone book,” you joke. “At least get yourself a cake? Something like that? If I’d known we shared the same birthday I would have had my sister bring something over for you.”

“Sarah made me breakfast, got me out of bed on time. That’s all I need, really.”

“Is it?”

You don’t mean the question to sound as heavy as it does, and silence hangs between you for a long moment before you stutter out an apology. Joel’s quick to change the subject.

“Boyfriend is still your boyfriend, right? No ring on your finger yet?”

“You know, you’re the second person to bring that up today,” you say, heading down the next aisle. It’s just as empty as the one before, and your confusion deepens. “You want the truth?”

“Generally.”

“If he asked, I don’t think I’d say yes.” Heat rises in your face, and you stutter again. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

“You can tell me anything,” he replies, and there’s a softness in his tone that you recognize, making warmth spread through your chest. “I’m always here for you, darlin’. I know things are different now, but I’m still here.”

“I appreciate that.”

You hear Tommy’s voice in the background, and Joel curses under his breath. “I gotta go. Enjoy your night. Happy Birthday.”

“You, too. Happy Birthday, Joel,” you reply, a smile in your voice, and then the line clicks off.

You loop through the rest of the aisles, sliding your phone back into your pocket. When you ask the cashier about the empty shelves, you get the same answer you’d gotten at the coffee shop. “Supply chain issues.”

The apartment is quiet when you get inside, tossing your keys into the bowl beside the door. The Thai food is sitting on the counter, as promised, and you set your grocery bags down beside it, stealing a few noodles before calling for Dean. “Honey, I’m home!”

There’s no response, and you assume he must be in the shower, so you pad down the hall. The bedroom light is off, moonlight flooding through the window, and as you step into the doorway, you see him, standing there, facing the window. His hands are at his sides, and as you watch, his hand twitches, the movement making your brow furrow.

“Dean?” you call, taking a half-step forward. In an instant, something feels wrong, and worry rises in your chest, makes your heart racket against your ribs. “Babe, what’s going on?”

He turns then, so fast you can’t even blink before it happens. And he just…stares. There’s no light in his eyes, just a dead look that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. You say his name again, the worry seeping into your voice, and then he snarls.

“Fuck.”

You don’t understand what’s happening, but your body seems to react of it’s own accord. Dean lunges toward you, an inhuman sound falling out of him, and your eyes skirt around, looking for something to protect yourself with as he scrambles over the bed, limbs flailing, those dead eyes boring into you. Your hand flashes out, curling around the leather-wrapped handle of the baseball bat, and as you’re knocked to the ground, you use it as a barrier, shoving the metal against his chest.

His face is all wrong. It’s not just the dead eyes; his teeth are yellowed and his gums blackened as he snaps at you, trying to claw at you. White marks have risen all over his face, spreading out like a map beneath his skin.

What the fuck is going on?

You manage to plant your foot on his chest, and shove with all your might, yelling as the movement makes your knees twinge. He doesn’t go far, but it’s enough to get him off of you, and you scramble backwards, throwing the door shut as you run for the kitchen, the bat held tightly in your grasp. Heart racing, you find the biggest knife you can in the kitchen, sucking down hurried breaths. You’re in shock.

There’s a flash of red outside the balcony door, and you turn to see flames explode from the building across from yours. On the streets below, cars start to crash into each other, the sound of sirens twice as loud. You can hear people screaming, even through the glass.

A loud bang pulls you back into the apartment, and you turn just as Dean comes sprinting down the hall, losing his balance and skidding across the carpet. You throw the kitchen knife as he lunges for you, but it misses, the blade bouncing off his chest and sliding beneath the coffee table. A guttural growl echoes through the apartment, and when he leaps at you, you swing.

Your first hit smacks his shoulder. It doesn’t do much, but he lets out a pained yowl and when you swing again, there’s a sickening crack. He swipes at you, lunging again as you stumble backwards through the living room, the couch toppling over as you both fall onto it. His fingers dig into your shoulder and you scream, pain radiating through your arm, but you tighten your grip on the bat and ram the end of it into his face.

Another growl, another swing. You manage to get to your feet, blood pouring down your arm, painting your blouse crimson, and you put the kitchen island between you and him, moving quickly, keeping the bat held high.

When he jumps again, you swing. Hard. The bat connects with his temple, his neck cracking loudly as his head snaps to the side, and he slumps to the ground, blood pouring from his mouth. The metal rings as you drop the bat, collapsing onto the kitchen floor a moment later, blinding grabbing for one of the dishrags hanging from the stove, covering your shoulder with it and clamping your hand over the wound.

Why is this happening?

You’re not quite sure how long you’re sat there, curled against the cabinets. The bleeding on your shoulder slows, but doesn’t stop completely, and you’re starting to feel lightheaded. Not just the blood loss, you know, but the shock. Dean’s body has stopped twitching, but there’s something seeping out of his mouth, curling across the tile. When you spot the movement, you’re on your feet in a second, blinking past the momentary wooziness, grabbing the bat again.

When you click on the television, a loud beep echoes, nothing but a black screen, and you try to change the channel, but it’s the same on every one. Finally, the beep ends, and a robotic voice takes its place.

…indoors. Law enforcement and emergency services are in the area and will be in contact with further instructions. Stay indoors…

Over and over again.

Your arm is pulsing, the rag on your shoulder wet with blood. You need to clean it, you think. You need some water, you need to—

The phone starts ringing. Your phone. Cell phone. Where you left it, in your purse. Your purse is by the door, across the apartment. You have to walk around Dean to get there, and you go slow, your eyes glued to his unmoving form. The bat is still in your hand, the end of it dragging over the carpet as you walk towards the door. Another metallic noise when it hits hardwood.

Your eyes are still on Dean as you dig in your purse, on the thing still coming out of his mouth, crawling along the grout lines in the tile. Out, out, out, you need to get out, you need to get away, you need to—

Your fingers close around your cell. Hit the button, bring it to your ear.

“Are you safe?” Joel barks, and you nearly drop the phone, the sound of his voice slamming you back into your head, your breath hitching so hard you almost choke. “Baby, where are you?”

“Home,” you cry, leaning against the wall, gripping the bat so hard your knuckles hurt. “I-I got home and Dean, he just…he…I…” You wheeze, your breath not enough, your head feeling lighter, your vision spotting with black. “He’s dead. I’m bleeding.”

“It’s everywhere,” he says, his voice low, and he keeps talking, but you don’t think he’s talking to you. You space out, your gaze glued to the body on your floor, until Joel says your name. “Why are you bleeding? What happened?”

“He…” you trail off, your eyes focusing on Dean’s bloody knuckles, limp on the kitchen floor. “He grabbed me, he…he was trying to bite me.”

“Did he?”

“No,” you say, your voice sounding a bit more sure. You shake your head, pressing your palm against your shoulder. The pain spikes, but it helps, clears your head a bit. “It’s a scratch. Deep.”

“You need to clean it, you hear me?” Joel says. “Patch yourself up, baby, all right? You have a first aid kit?”

You drop the bat, pressing the back of your hand against your forehead. You’re shaking. “In the bathroom.”

“Good, go, do it now. I’m not hanging up until you do.”

You reach for the bat again, use it as a prop to get back to your feet. You cast Dean’s still form one more glance before retreating down the hallway. He’d burst through the bedroom door, and wood splinters cover the floor, the door still half on its hinge, split down the middle.

“Joel, why is this happening?” you ask, your voice climbing, fear taking over. You get into the bathroom, momentarily shaken by your appearance in the mirror. Your hair wild, the blood smeared along your chest and neck, your stained and torn blouse. “What is happening?”

“I don’t know,” he replies, and the thread of fear in his voice makes tears spring in your eyes. “But I want you to listen to me, okay? You patch yourself up, you grab what you can, and you run. You understand? Get in your car and get out of the city, as fast as you can. You don’t wait, you don’t stop for anyone, and you just keep going.”

You nod for a moment before you realize he can’t see you. “Okay. What do I…?”

“I’ll find you, baby,” he says, and the surety in his voice makes everything in you ache. “I’m gonna find you, you hear me? Just get out of Boston and I swear to you, I’m—”

Static. Dead air. Gone.

“Joel? No, come back, Joel, please—” You stare at the phone, try to redial the number, hit the button over and over and over and over. No signal, the screen informs you.

Nothing. Nothing but the sound of your own heartbeat, the rapid pulse against your ribs, the breaths that seem to rattle through your lungs. Outside of that, silence.

You slam the phone down, slam your hands against the bathroom sink.

“Joel!”

PREV | NEXT

[caffieneaddictt18]

Mate

werewolf x reader who works at Walmart - just meeting. Kind of random but i get bored at work sooo....

"Yo, yo, yo, what's poppin?" I ask as I approach a couple with a baby, probably in their late 20s. My hand is already blindly grabbing for my name badge.

"Hi!" The woman says smiling, "The machine just stopped and said something about a scale. I'm just trying to weigh my zucchini."

The man next to her nods as he plays with the baby, as to back her up. I don't necessarily care.

My shins are starting to hurt... I thought the new ortho shoes would help...

My hands go through the practiced motion of taking whatever was on the scale off, pressing the button for zucchini, and then weighing it. Aka, the only way to weigh your produce that doesn't throw the machine into a hissy-fit.

"Easy-peasy," I slap on my customer service voice like the passed on Queen of England decided to step into Wal-Mart, "Just make sure to press the button beforehand, and then weigh the produce. And it's so funky." I try to make it relatable for the woman, "Some produce needs to be weighed and others need to be counted. It gets confusing." I smile and see her smiling in relief, thankful that someone understands her.

Someone does but it aint me. This is my whole ass job.

I smile and say the unforgettable 'Have a great day!' before leaving and having to walk around the self-check.

New big boss gonna fire me if I stop walking... fucking bullshit. I see a toy that was placed on a chip shelf and mess with it as I go to put it away.

"Hey! Hey! Girl!" Someone snaps their fingers at me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, smiling a smile that would put Alastor to shame.

"Hello! What seems to be the problem today?" My customer service voice is getting strained as I see it's just an old man wanting to buy alcohol.

"The machine will need you to check my age when I buy this alcohol." He gestures to the cart that has it's undercarriage filled with Modelo.

I look at his order on his screen and scroll through it. "Well, sir, it looks like you haven't scanned it yet, so I can't give you the go ahead; But once you do, I can definitely give you the go ahead to buy it." I throw it back in his face, trying to make him feel as stupid as possible. He scoffs and takes the hand scanner off the terminal and it starts beeping loudly at him.

"Stop yelling at me!" He shouts, frustrated that it won't stop beeping and won't scan his beer.

"Well, sir, it is a machine, so it can't yell at you. It doesn't have a mouth. It's just beeping because the batteries are going out, but you can definitely wait until the hand scanner flashes green, and then it should work." I patiently wait for him to put it back on the terminal. And once it flashes green, he scans the beer.

The first notification, asking if the customer looks younger than 40, pops up. I look back at the man and size him up and down before pressing 'No'.

"Have a great day, sir!" I bounce away and continue walking around. I see a group of men who are all standing around quietly, just simply waiting. Their light is flashing red and they are being silent. It's definitely a nice change.

I walk over. "Hey there. Sorry to bother you, but I gotta fix this. Sorry." I look at the screen... and it's a mis-scan. My boss is gonna hate me...

"Sorry about the wait, guys! It's been a busy day." I think back to when someone dropped a whole gallon of whole milk and it leaked into the aisle next to it. We had to use two whole things of spill clean-up... my anxiety has been high ever since. Could also just be the 5 Hour Energy and Redbull I chugged, but meh.

"No problem. I could tell." The obvious leader of their band of friends talks, as if talking for the whole group. One of the guys has a faint blush on his face and the others are laughing, talking about their plans.

I watch the little video the camera produced and determine that it was just an old bag crossing over the scanner without being scanned... cuz it is an old bag.

"Oops. Looks like it's just the bag. The machine must've just gotten confused. Sorry about that." I smile and wave before giving them the go-ahead to keep scanning.

"No worries. Thank you."

"Anytime."

I think back to the one guy who was blushing and leaning on the cart's handle. He's kinda cute... and hot. What the fuck.

Meh whatever. Just focus on work- I did it, I did, I jumped-

"Hey! Girl! I need you to ring up my groceries for me!" I silently sigh and walk over.

"Of course, sir!"

Another day in the life of a person at Wal-Mart.

__________________________________________

Author's Cup of Tea:

Im ngl, i thought about this while I was changing prices in the cigarette cases. It took 4 hours to do all of the price changes😭

[tcwmatchmakingau]

Third Time’s the Charm

Captain Rex x Gen!Reader One-Shot

Summary: The war is over, and the Republic has won. Rex signed up for a matchmaking service and you’re meeting for a third date. Basically just Rex fluff and him being nervous and awkward lol.

Rating/Warnings: SFW with kissing, making out, slight suggestiveness.

Word count: 1800-2000ish

Author’s Note: This is a two in one, baby! Not only is it a submission the the Clone Matchmaking AU @tcwmatchmakingau (pls read the other fics that have been submitted!) but also a prompt from @freesia-writes ! The prompt: “kiss me again, but- mphh" from the kissing prompts list. Idk how I feel about this one but I gotta get it out of my drafts.

Please enjoy and reblogs/comments are always appreciated. I just want to kiss Rex, okay? 💕

Rex was pacing, his nerves almost completely shot. He checked the time every few seconds, subtly breathing into his palm to make sure his breath didn’t stink. He smoothed out his civvies, hoping they weren’t too wrinkly.

Shockingly to Rex, you had agreed to meet for a third date.

He was excited, yes. But also incredibly nervous.

Rex liked you.

A lot.

Rex never thought he’d get this far.

He didn’t know what to expect when he reluctantly accepted the first date match from Right to Love Matchmaking Service.

Rex had heard about it from some of his brothers but wasn’t sure it was for him.

Who would want a washed-up soldier? He also knew nothing about dating. Sure, he’s had a few quick flings and stolen kisses in the back of 79s when he was a cadet. But now, the thought of putting himself out there, looking for something serious while having strangers match him with another stranger… sounded like a recipe for disaster.

On the other hand, now that the war was over, companionship did sound nice. And a few of his brothers have had success with the service…

He continuously tossed around the idea, a few times half-filling out the Holonet application before deleting it, the fear of the unknown getting the best of him.

Rex even walked by the building once, Right to Love flashing in neon lights, almost stepping inside before his nerves sent him in the other direction.

It wasn’t until a few weeks ago, when Fives and Echo invited him to a “boy's night out” for drinks, that he was convinced.

Or more like the alcohol did the convincing for him.

One drink turned into two, then three, and somehow the conversation switched to the matchmaking service.

Both Fives and Echo had girlfriends now, having met through Right to Love.

Rex has met them a few times, and they did seem like good partners, and Fives and Echo were happier than he’d ever seen them.

He was proud of them for moving on from the war and finding happiness. Rex couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy sometimes, wondering if he’ll ever get to experience that, too.

Rex mentioned how he’s been thinking about signing up for Right to Love, and that’s how they persuaded him to fill out the digital application right there with them at the bar.

“Aw c’mon Rex!” Fives clapped Rex’s shoulder. “You should try it out. Anyone is lucky to have you!”

Fives took a large swig of beer, slammed it down, and pulled out his datapad.

“The application is easy. I don’t know how they do it, but they work some kind of magic. My girl is perfect, the woman of my dreams. I don’t think I would have ever found someone like her without them!” Fives shoved his datapad over to Rex, wiggling his eyebrows. “You don’t even have to go in person. Let us help you, vod!”

A few more sips of liquid courage later, Rex was pressing submit on his application while Fives and Echo cheered him on.

The rowdy night continued, and Rex quickly forgot all about it.

Rex didn’t remember he followed through until the next morning when a notification chimed on his terminal.

He woke from his deep sleep, still recovering from the night before, reading the message with blurry eyes and a headache.

Dear Rex,

Thank you for choosing Right to Love Matchmaking Service, where everyone deserves the right to companionship!

We have received your application and are processing your submission.

A matchmaking representative will be reaching out to you shortly. Have a wonderful day!

Rex’s brain almost short-circuited, the hazy memory of Fives and Echo helping him fill out the form coming back to him.

Those kriffing di’kuts!

Rex panicked momentarily, not sure if he was ready for this. But he thought of how happy his brothers were, and maybe it was finally time for him to step out of his comfort zone.

Rex commanded battalions alongside Jedi in life-or-death situations, and yet here he was, afraid to go on one singular date.

To Rex’s surprise, the whole process was easier than expected. The representative that reached out to him was nice, eased some of his worries, and answered all the questions he had. At the end of the conversation, the representative said they already had a match for him.

You.

To his even greater surprise, your first date went fine.

Fantastic, even.

Rex was an anxious mess leading up to meeting you in person, but you were kind, patient, compassionate, everything he would want in a partner.

It was almost like this matchmaking service did its job.

The next morning after your first date, you comm’d him asking to meet again, saying you had a good time.

Rex responded immediately with a resounding yes, hoping he wasn’t coming off as too desperate.

Your second date was even better than the first, learning more about one another, and you talked for hours.

You both hadn’t realized how late it had gotten and completely lost track of time. The restaurant you met at for lunch was now finishing up the dinner rush, you two the last ones in the eatery.

Rex walked you back to your apartment, and you hugged him as you said good night.

Maker, he couldn’t stop thinking about the hug. How warm and soft you felt against him. How he could smell the faint floral aroma of your shampoo. How your eyes shined as you whispered good night. He couldn’t stop thinking about you, Rex was completely smitten.

He was feeling the pressure now, waiting for you to meet him in front of the Coruscant Botanical Gardens where you planned to meet for your date.

Rex was low-key fretting about what came next. Another hug? Maybe holding your hand? A kiss?

Rex swallowed thickly.

He wanted to take things slow and didn’t want you to feel pressured into anything.

If a quick hug from you made him feel this good, he couldn’t even imagine what a kiss would be like.

He could feel his palms begin to sweat. Before he could spiral anymore, he heard his name.

You were walking toward him, a large smile on your face.

“Hey, Rex!” You waved, stepping up to him. You stopped, hesitating for a moment. Little did Rex know, you were having the same thoughts. Maker, he’s so handsome, I want to kiss him! I hope he wasn’t weirded out by the hug from a few nights ago…but he agreed to meet me again so I guess I didn’t scare him off…

“I’ve lived on Coruscant my whole life, and never been to the gardens. Funny how that happens sometimes.” You laughed.

Rex nodded stiffly.

“I’ve never been here, either. But I’m glad we can experience it for the first time together.”

You blushed at his words, Rex’s ears feeling hot at his admission.

You smiled again. “Me too, Rex. Shall we?”

The gardens were huge and seemingly endless, growing flora from hundreds of planets. Rex was able to point out some, recognizing them from the war. He was well-traveled because of it.

You enjoyed hearing him speak of his past, his brothers, and the sometimes downright insane feats he was involved with during the war.

Your conversation was always easy, like you’ve known one another for years. You couldn’t believe how perfect he was and how comfortable you felt around him.

Was it too good to be true, though?

You wandered for a while, keeping up conversation. You eventually sat on a bench in a massive greenhouse, admiring the lush greenery around you.

You were silent for a few moments, Rex wondering if this was his chance.

He wanted to kiss you. He was going to ask you. He was a soldier, no, a Captain, dammit! He should have the courage to do this!

Rex took in a breath, knowing he had to get over his anxiety and just take the leap. It was now or never.

You heard Rex’s inhale and you felt worry stir in your gut. Here we go, he’s going to tell me he doesn’t want to meet again. The classic “it has been really fun but…”

“I’ve…enjoyed our dates.” Rex turned to you. “And I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. So, thank you.”

You raised your eyebrows, meeting his gaze, surprised at his comment.

“Rex, you don’t have to thank me. I’ve been enjoying them too. I like you a lot.” You fidgeted a little, blushing. Maybe I didn’t screw things up!

You took your own breath, continuing.

“I didn’t know what to expect when I signed up for the dating service…I went on some bad dates a while back and was kind of fed up with it all, you know? But I’m glad I took the chance on you.”

Rex felt some confidence rush through his veins. “Really?” He asked.

“You’re easy to talk to, kind, a good listener. Not to mention a complete gentlemen. It’s hard to find that.” Your cheeks were hot at your own words, suddenly too embarrassed to look him in the eye.

“I like you a lot, too.” Rex’s voice was low, and you felt something brush against your hand on the bench, looking down, and saw Rex’s hand barely touching yours.

You moved your hand closer, and Rex took your hand in his. You thought your heart might leap straight out of your chest. His hand was calloused, yet warm. Comforting.

“You’re brilliant, remarkable. Not to mention the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. I…I’m so happy I met you.”

“Oh, Rex…you mean that?” You’ve never had a man say those words to you with such sincerity.

“More than anything in my life. Can…can I ask you something?” Rex was almost whispering. You nodded, eyes wide, wondering what he wanted to say next.

“Can I kiss you?” Rex was gazing right at you, his heart pounding in his ears.

Warmth blossomed in your chest, entwining your fingers with his. You couldn’t keep the grin from spreading on your face, and Rex saw how your features lit up like the Tattooine suns.

“Yes…Rex. I thought you’d never ask.”

Rex could see the colors of the bright flowers that surrounded you in your eyes as he leaned toward you.

Rex stopped centimeters from your lips, bringing his free hand to tenderly cup the side of your face. Your breath hitched at the gentle gesture, your eyes fluttering closed in bliss as he shyly brushed his lips against yours.

For Rex, the world melted away. Did he die and go to heaven? Because that’s how he felt when your hand moved to his shoulder, your unbelievably soft lips pressing back into his in a chaste kiss.

All of his anxieties dissipated, forgetting why was so nervous about this date in the first place, all he could think about was you and how lucky he was in this moment.

You pulled away after what could have been hours, your eyes hooded, looking up at him, smiling, realizing you were still holding hands.

“Rex…” The way his name fell from your lips, husky and almost sensual, ignited a fire in him. He wanted to hear it again and again.

Rex released his hand from yours, bringing it to your other cheek, cradling your head with both his hands now with such reverence you thought you might faint.

“Was…was that ok?” He murmured, wanting more, but didn’t want to push your boundaries in any way.

“Yes…kiss me again, Rex. Pleas-mph!” Rex quickly slid his mouth against yours, still cradling your head as your arms wrapped around him, your words cut short by his lips.

The kiss was deep, passionate, just like him. You sighed against his mouth, Rex using the opportunity to sweetly lick your bottom lip, politely asking for entrance.

You eagerly obliged, excited by his newfound confidence. His tongue entered your mouth, eliciting another satisfied sigh from you and a groan from Rex. Your body to trembled against his in fervor, feeling his muscles flex under your hands.

Your lungs began to burn, needing oxygen but not wanting this kiss to end.

Your mouths moved as one, gripping one another like you were the last two people in the Galaxy.

You let out a small whine as Rex pulled away, both your lips swollen from the intensity, your faces flushed and your bodies on fire.

“Wow…” was all you could mutter, as Rex’s hands fell from your flushed face. “That was…”

“Incredible?” He mumbled. You nodded in agreement, leaning into him. Rex wrapped his arm around you, still seated on the bench.

“I’ve been wanting to do this since we first met,” Rex admitted, his thumb slowly caressing your arm.

You were quickly turning into mush seeing this new, romantic side of Rex emerge.

“Me too.” You couldn’t help but giggle, giddy at what had just taken place.

Rex brought you into him, embracing you in a hug, silently thanking his brothers for making him take the plunge and sign up for this dating service.

“I think we’ve seen enough plants for one day. Want to come back to my place?” You asked, nuzzling against his chest. “We could make dinner and watch a Holomovie?”

“I’d love to,” Rex answered as you looked up at him. “I’d really love to.” Rex hasn’t been sure about much since the war ended, trying to find purpose and meaning in a new Galaxy.

He was sure about one thing now, and it was you.

Taglist: @pb-jellybeans @dukeoftheblackstar @king-chaos-world @523rdrebel @wanderer-six @the-cantina

[calissarowan]

If one of the wizards were to date someone that the other wizards have not met before, would the others be protective or would they just let it slide?

Ooh, fantastic question! I think it partly depends on who’s the one dating. If it’s Ogron…first reactions are ‘…Oh my God.’ If Ogron’s got to the point of dating someone and the other wizards somehow haven’t met them yet, that’s…very surprising. Not to mention that Ogron doesn’t really date in the first place. But, if, somehow, Ogron is dating someone the other wizards haven’t met, then yes, they’re all very protective. Ogron is emotionally complicated and fragile, and it is the other wizards’ job as his friends to make sure he doesn’t get hurt. Gantlos takes point, and toes the line between ‘hello’ and ‘I know exactly how I could kill you and get away with it’. Anagan asks every question he can think of, and Duman…Duman just attempts to weird them out. If they’re still there by the end, it’s very difficult to see a reason why they and Ogron would break up.

Gantlos is of course now with Duman, so they all know him, but, before Duman? Well, Gantlos never really dated anyone. Duman was pretty damn close to being his first everything. But if he had? Yes, the other wizards would be protective. Gantlos isn’t always accepted, so there would be a lot of ‘casual’ questioning.

Anagan…has dated a number of people the other wizards have never met. He loves his friends very, very much, but…they’re a tiny bit crazy. Also, Ogron gets jealous. He’d just like to have a relationship without his girlfriend’s life being dissected by his friends. If it gets serious, then they can meet her, provided Anagan has been through what they are and are not allowed to say. ‘Hello’ is fine. ‘Nice to meet you’ is a classic. ‘If you hurt my friend, I will trap you in an alternate dimension of evil and endless chaos’ is not acceptable and will result in immediate termination of the meeting. Anagan’s just generally more functional than…everyone else, so there is a general acceptance of his relationships, and they tend to be rolled with, partly because it’s not an Earth-shattering surprise as it is when Ogron brings someone home.

Duman brought a number of people back to meet the others before he and Gantlos got together. Gantlos was a mix of protective and unknowingly jealous, Anagan just rolled with it, and Ogron just wondered what was wrong with this new person. It had to be something, if they’re dating Duman. (This attitude had to be dropped when Duman and Gantlos got together.)

So, in summary, it all depends on who’s dating. First impressions of the person tend to be very important as well. Rolling with the fact they’re a group of punk supervillains is very important. Thank you so much for the question; you have no idea how excited I get when I see my inbox notification!

[tobiasdrake]

Digimon Adventure 01x19 - Nanomon of the Labyrinth / The Prisoner of the Pyramid

Previously on Digimon Adventure: The enigmatic Piccolomon sent Taichi on a mystical quest to remember how to ride a bike. He made everyone clean his house in payment.

Now we're back on the trail with only two Crests left to find!

We open on our kids messing around with Etemon's Dark Network. An idea they now have to deliberate while Koushiro is already doing it.

Taichi: This? Koushiro: Yes. This is undoubtedly the network Etemon uses to track our location. Jou: Then he probably knows we're here! Mimi: EHHH!?!? Let's make a run for it! Palmon: Let's run! Let's run! Sora: Now, now. Calm down. Yamato: Even if we run from here, he'll sniff us out again sooner or later.

Valid arguments being made on both sides. :P On the one hand, this is an opportunity. On the other hand WTF GTFO. You can tell from context that the offscreen events leading up to this moment were basically just Koushiro going "Oh, hey, check that out!" and running over to it without telling anyone what he's doing.

Jou and Mimi are instantly not about it the second Koushiro explains what this is, while Sora and Yamato want to see where he's going with this.

In the dub:

Tai: What is it, Izzy? Some kind of power generator? Izzy: Even better. Etemon has hard-wired the entire desert, creating an extensive computer network. My guess: This is one of his remote data-access terminals. Tai: Great! Let's crash it! Sora: It could be a booby trap. Matt: If it is Etemon's, I say we cross the wires and mess it up good!

Something that's been interesting to take note of through the Etemon arc is the way the show anticipates kids coming in and out of it, or not remembering what's going on.

The original expects you to have followed along enough that Koushiro can just say "This is the network he tracks us with" right at the start. Over here, Izzy takes the time to explain what the Dark Network is, in case the kids watching don't remember or haven't seen previous episodes.

This means cutting into Mimi and Jou's lines, which have been cut - And, in turn, cutting those lines is another small influence on the show's tone. It gives the kids a unified front as a heroic team instead of squabbling like frightened survivors. The only voices heard are of support for Izzy messing with their nemesis - with one note of caution from Sora.

Koushiro unplugs a cable from Etemon's device, plugging it into his laptop.

Tentomon: What are you doing? Koushiro: Like I thought. (An array of data representing the cables and their hubs appears on Koushiro's screen.) Koushiro: This is Etemon's network information. I might be able to find something in here! Takeru: What's that mark?

A notification has appeared in the upper left corner of Koushiro's screen, indicating that he's received email. That wasn't there when he first looked at the network, which means it came in seconds ago.

(For a kid who lamented back in the File Island sewers that he misses sending emails with his friends, Koushiro doesn't seem to get a lot of emails. He's been here for over two weeks and this is the first he's had?)

Koushiro: Email? But from who? Jou: Could it be from the enemy!? Taichi: Open it, Koushiro. Koushiro: ...oh, okay!

Koushiro pops open the email, which opens with "HELP ME!" in oversized font.

Sora: "Help Me"!? Koushiro: "If you help me, I can tell you where the Crests are hidden." Yamato: The Crests!? Taichi: Who is this guy!?

Just like that, we have a new angle of investigation to pursue. As a clever bit of subtle foreshadowing, the email is from the address, "NNm@nnia.mstr.com". Nanomon @ NanomonNetworkInternetAccess.Master.com, huh?

In the dub, the appearance of the network isn't acknowledged directly, with Izzy simply talking in roundabout terms about how he's trying to access Etemon's data.

Tentomon: What are you going to do with that? Izzy: I wonder... (An array of data representing the cables and their hubs appears on Koushiro's screen.) Izzy: It's entirely possible that our computers have compatible systems. And if they do, I can tap into Etemon's network. T.K.: Hey, you have mail. Izzy: Oh? That was quick. Who even knows I've logged on? Joe: Oh no, it's Etemon. Tai: Open it! It's probably just spam. Izzy: Right.

It's a little janky that Izzy keeps talking about how he might be able to tap into Etemon's systems while a clear visual representation of Etemon's accessed systems is shown to us. If you know what you're looking at, you can take it as him back-explaining his logic for how he already got to this point. But it could just as easily look like Random Computer Junk.

From here, the dub had to do some finagling. As part of the localization process, they've been trying to write around the fact that things are written in Japanese. They earlier redrew a message from Joe to be in English and had Patamon dismiss a Japanese note as "written in Digi-code".

For the mystery email, they replace the letter entirely with scripting language. Instead, opening the email inexplicably causes an audio file to play and exposit the message for the kids instead.

Computerized Voice: Help me! SOS! Mayday! I'm being held prisoner! Help me escape and I'll guide you to the Crests you seek! Group: Whoa! Sora: Do you think he's for real? I mean, who could it be?

They also changed the email address to www.as#4dfja9z$.com, which isn't even an email address. That's just a URL made up of random letters, numbers, and symbols. You had one job.

Meanwhile, in his trailer, Etemon is furious over having technical difficulties yet again.

(Felt. The Network just came back online last episode and now he's lost the kids again. I'd be mad too.)

Etemon: What the hell is going on here!? Where are the Chosen Children!? Gazimon 1: It's no use, Etemon-sama! I don't see any malfunction on our end! Gazimon 2: But there is an abnormality occurring in the pyramid's host computer. Etemon: Nanomon.... Let's go pay him a visit. Both Gazimon: Yes, sir!

Etemon's trailer takes off towards Nanomon. We cut back to our kids searching the desert, following instructions from their mysterious email contact.

Though Jou's still against this plan, Mimi's come around on it.

Jou: What are we supposed to do if this turns out to be a trap? Mimi: But he might turn out to be on our side, like Gennai-san. Tai: We can't ignore him if he needs help! Koushiro: (walking while carrying his laptop open in one hand and typing with the other) It should be somewhere around here....

As a small thing, I appreciate that Mimi calls him "Gennai-san", the most generic and neutral honorific in Japanese language. Gennai might see himself as a wise old sage shepherding these kids but you fucking earn that -sama and then we'll talk. Right now, we are equals.

In the dub, Jou's reluctance is played up into a full-blown panic attack and Mimi's response is completely different.

Joe: Ohhhh I don't like this. I don't like it one little bit. I don't like the look of it, I don't like the smell of it, I don't like the-- Mimi: Don't have a brain cramp, Joe! You're turning green around the edges. Tai: Yeah! Somebody asked for our help; We gotta at least check it out, right? Izzy: (walking while carrying his laptop open in one hand and typing with the other) According to my laptop, we should be getting close....

For once, it's Mimi having a line added or rewritten to be mean to another character. Naturally, it's Joe, the other butt of the dub's jokes.

As they walk, Sora and Takeru hold their Tags out in their hands like a radar, waiting for the telltale glowing pulse that signals a Crest nearby. Takeru suddenly gets a response.

A nearby cave wall emblazoned with Takeru's Crest calls out to his Tag. The kids approach it and, as usual, the wall vanishes and forms into a Crest that slots into Takeru's Tag. Leaving behind the entrance to a cave.

Takeru: I have my Crest! Tokomon: That's great, Takeru! Yamato: I guess this wasn't a trap after all. Koushiro: He said he'll tell us where the last Crest is after we help him. Taichi: Awesome! Then let's go do that right away!

Their mystery contact is using the old "Half up front, half upon completion" standby. You know this is a good idea when you're getting paid using organized crime methods.

Since Joe hasn't suggested (twice) that this is a trap, Matt doesn't have that setup to retort to. He quips instead.

T.K.: Awesome! My own Crest! Tokomon: Congratulations! Matt: Now, T.K., don't think this means you get to stay up any later. Izzy: Sora's Crest is the only one left to find. Maybe if we rescue this guy, he can lead us to it. Tai: Well, what are we waiting for? To the rescue!

Matt is rigorously enforcing bedtime under Lord of the Flies conditions? XD I mean, honestly, that fits. I can absolutely believe that of him. Must've gotten really good at measuring time by the sun in these last two weeks, though.

While everyone's celebrating, Mimi notices the cave behind them. Its walls are inscribed with more of that Digimon World source code.

Koushiro confirms that this is the programming language he's been learning.

Koushiro: There's no mistake! These are the same characters I've seen before in Andromon's city and Kentarumon's ruins! The only difference is this symbol....

Koushiro brushes out a character from the code with his hand, causing the cave to suddenly be illuminated with no clear light source.

(I love how this directly follows up on his experiment in Andromon's factory, turning the power on and off.)

Koushiro: Just as I thought. In here, energy is produced based on a program. Mimi: What do you mean? Koushiro: For instance, by rewriting the program written on this wall here, I can turn the light on or off. I think if I do this....

Koushiro messes with the coding a little more, causing a visible map to suddenly appear suspended in the air as if it were a projected hologram.

Koushiro: That is a map of our surrounding area. Jou: That can't be.... How can you do stuff like that just by using a program written on a wall? It's not like we're in a computer. Koushiro: (gravely serious) You don't know that. Group: Eh!? Koushiro: I've been thinking that this place, this entire world could be a place where data and programs take physical form. Yamato: I remember you talking about that earlier. Sora: If this is a data world, does that mean us too? Koushiro: Yes. We exist as data, without any real substance. Taichi: No real substance? Like, we don't have flesh and blood? Mimi: Something like yurei (ghosts)? Koushiro: S-Something like that. Yamato: Where are our real selves? Koushiro: Maybe... Back at the campgrounds. The Digimon are "Digital Monsters" in the truest sense. They're lifeforms shaped out of data. Takeru: Then are we inside something like a video game? Koushiro: It's not that simple. Yamato: Could the person who sent the email be made of data too? Koushiro: I don't know....

This is a massive revelation that Koushiro's laying out for everyone. They all missed out on his factory experiment and only Mimi was with him at the ruins, but now he's able to lay out everything he's learned and theorized since he started playing around with the Digimon World's source code.

I've chosen to leave yurei up there because this is our third encounter with spookers and our third word choice, and I wanted that distinction clear. Bakemono, obake, and yurei are all translatable to "ghost" but have different meanings and usages. I called out the previous uses of bakemono and obake; Here, Mimi says yurei which is actually the common idea of a spirit lingering beyond the grave.

The dub makes it seem like Izzy's just figuring this all out for the first time, which is an odd choice.

Izzy: See these hieroglyphs? Look familiar? This is definitely the same writing we've come across before. ...wait a second, this is a new one. (Izzy rubs out the symbol, making the light turn on) Izzy: Prodigious! This is amazing! Do you know what I'm thinking...? Mimi: I've got a feeling you're going to tell us. Izzy: Well, you see, it's quite possible that these hieroglyphs are not a form of writing at all! But rather a code; Computer code! If you change a piece of the code, then you change the program. (Izzy brings up the map) Izzy: Like that, for example! Joe: Wait. Back up. Are you telling us that this whole place is some kind of giant computer game and that none of it is really real!? Izzy: Ohhh, it's real alright! Joe: Huh!? Izzy: Y'know, I'm thinking that everything we see and everybody we meet in this place are actually pieces of data or programming given physical form. Matt: Now, wait a second. If you're right and this whole thing is one big computer, then how did we get here? Did we squeeze in through the floppy drive? Izzy: (chuckle) No, we're just kilobytes of data too. I mean, the versions of us that are in here. Tai: If I'm just data, why do I still feel like I'm flesh and blood? Mimi: And I still have to go to the little girls' room. Izzy: You don't really. You just think you have to. Mimi: Oh. Well, I hope you're right 'cause-- Matt: Where's the real us? Our flesh and blood bodies? Izzy: I dunno. I suppose we're back at the campgrounds still. Yeah, we're alive back there! We exist simultaneously with our other selves. We're in a parallel digital universe like the Digimon. T.K.: Does that mean I don't have to worry about brushing my teeth anymore? Izzy: We've got bigger things to worry about now, T.K. Matt: Although do us all a favor and don't stop brushing. Izzy: Yeah, please!

The line "Oh, it's real, alright!" doesn't go half as hard as Koushiro's stone-faced "Wakari masen yo." This makes me sad but doesn't really hurt the scene.

They took out Mimi's question about ghosts and Izzy's noncommital and kinda spooked answer, replacing it with Izzy telling everyone to stop pooping. A choice, to be sure.

Instead of explaining that the Digimon are living beings made of code, Izzy suggests that the kids' physical bodies are actually consciously living separate lives independently from our version of them. As existentially terrifying as it is wildly off-base. In his defense, it's only a theory, and it's a reasonable assumption based on the theorizing he's done.

I desperately want to know what T.K.'s using to brush his teeth, though. Matt. Matt, I have questions. I have serious questions, Matt.

Suddenly, Koushiro notices something significant.

Koushiro: EH!? Taichi: What's wrong? Koushiro: P-Please wait a minute! I'll make this easier for you guys to understand.

Typing at his computer, Koushiro writes some code of his own to alter the shape of the displayed map. It slowly morphs into a levitating projection of a globe, still displaying the Digimon World.

Koushiro: I've adjusted it so that you can see the entire globe. This includes the program I saw in Andromon's city. If I combine that with the map Gennai-san sent me.... Yamato: It's a big world. It looks about the size of Earth. Koushiro: Actually, it's exactly the same. Yamato: Huh? Koushiro: (pulls up the email) Look at this email address. The computer that sent this email is located.... (A blinking dot appears on the globe map) Koushiro: Right there. It's the same place as an internet homepage I used to visit often! Taichi: What does that mean? Sora: Are you saying that the email came from our world? Koushiro: Not only that.

Koushiro pulls up a second projection, showing the Earth. Both globes are then covered in lines.

Koushiro: Over on the right is the Earth that we know. If you put our computer network system on top of this world.... (The two globes merge into each other and fade away, leaving only the network lines perfectly matched to each other) Sora: The shape of the networks is exactly the same! Mimi: Ehh? What does this all mean? Koushiro: This is a world made only of data. The same as you'd find in a video game or computer. But that doesn't mean we're in a place far away from Earth. We're inside the computer network itself! In other words, Digimon World is the same place as our world! You could even call it the Earth's shadow! Jou: This... This was Earth!?!?

Even more massive revelations laid out by Koushiro. We didn't Isekai to a far off fantasy world, but to the internet itself. A reflection of the world born of the data flowing through every system on Earth.

In the dub:

Izzy: Hey! Wait a second, I've got an idea. Let me see, if I can just crack this program.... Mimi: Uh-oh. He's in computer dork mode. This could take a while. (Izzy forms the map into a globe) Izzy: I've called up a holographic map of the Digi-World. You can see how physically similar it is to the planet Earth. In fact, there are a lot of parallels with our world Matt: (sarcastic) That's terrific, Izzy. Great time for a geography lesson. Izzy: Pay attention and you might learn something. Matt: Yeah? Izzy: (pulls up the email) If I enter the email address of the person who contacted us, I can find his location in the Digi-World here. (A blinking dot appears on the globe map) Izzy: Now look: That email address is from a web domain in our world. I've logged onto it a thousand times. Tai: Is there a point to this somewhere!? Sora: Is the person who sent the message in our world or the Digi-World? Izzy: That's just the thing: He's in both. (Izzy pulls up the two globe projections) Izzy: Look. The Digi-World's on the left. The world we know is on the right. And if I overlay them like so.... (The two globes merge into each other and fade away, leaving only the unexplained lattice lines perfectly matched to each other) Sora: The white lines match up perfectly! What does it mean? Mimi: (crying) Reminds me of the balls of yarn my kitty used to play with! Izzy: That's the world's digital network. Through those lines, every computer on Earth is connected to every other computer. The Digi-World is the physical embodiment of the data passing through them! Guys, we're seeing something nobody else has ever seen, that nobody even knows about: The digital shadow world that exists alongside our own. And they're not just parallel, they're physically linked so that anything we do here will have effects on the other. Joe: For real? Intense.

Everyone's weirdly hostile to Izzy's exposition in the dub. He's laying down intense revelations about the nature of the world they've been trapped in, and they're like, "Ugh, here he goes ranting about nothing again, CAN WE MOVE ON YET!?"

Also, I think Mimi's cat is dead. Absolutely nobody is interested in engaging that out-of-the-blue conversation topic.

That aside, this section of exposition goes really well. We lose Koushiro signaling to continuity by referencing Gennai's map and Andromon, but we gain Mimi signaling to continuity by referencing Kentarumon's ruins so there's that. However, Izzy's infodump itself, his explanation of what Digi-World is and what it means to be here, is solid.

So now we know the true nature of the world we're in. Question is, where do we go from here?

Takeru: So, can we go home soon, then? Yamato: No. It isn't like that. We're close, but we're not on Earth itself. Jou: (distraught) Now I'm more confused than ever on what to do. Gomamon: What do you mean by that? You've got me! Piyomon: Sora, I didn't understand most of that but does this mean you're leaving? Sora: No, it looks like we still have stuff to do so we can't leave until that's done. Taichi: Yeah! Anyways, we should save the guy who sent that email first. Where do we go from here, Koushiro? Koushiro: Well, if I run this program that was attached to the email.... Agumon: The wall! Gabumon: I can see outside!

The projection of the world vanishes. The wall behind it vanishes with it, creating an opening to the outside.

In the dub:

Izzy: And here's the coolest part: Wherever this person is in the Digi-World, I think I can take us there just by entering his email address and clicking on it. Like accessing a web page! T.K.: Hey! All this techno-talk is making my head spinny! Matt: Computer guys can never just do something, T.K. They gotta spend all day telling you how they'll do it! Joe: This is depressing. Even when I'm computer data, I have allergies! Gomamon: Look on the bright side, Joe! If you weren't here, you never would have met me! Biyomon: Sora! Does this mean that we don't exist? That we're really not friends? Sora: Of course not! This may be a make-believe world but that doesn't mean our friendship isn't real. Truthfully, I don't get it, but it sounds right! Tai: Oh well. Wherever we are, we're here, so let's figure out what we're gonna do next. Come on, Brainiac, what are you waiting for!? Izzy: Okay, okay! All I have to do is click on the guy's email address and then bingo. Mimi: I hate bingo! It's so confusing with all those different letters and numbers and--Hey, look! A door!

Entirely different. The main plot shift here is that Izzy devises a plan to use the Digital World's nature to shortcut the team to their destination, rather than using a program their contact sent them.

Both versions have their advantages; The former plays into Izzy's brilliance and allows him to turn all this information he's uncovered into tangible results, while the latter reveals that our mystery contact is as knowledgeable about all this as Koushiro, capable of manipulating the environment through code. The dub version is a good hype moment for Izzy, while the original is a stepping stone in developing the plot.

But the rest of the dialogue is just more dunking on The Nerd and one-off gags from Mimi and Joe. This riffing lets them talk over the part where the kids express the anxieties of being alone and lost in this hostile world and its expectations of them.

Taichi: What just happened!? Koushiro: The sender should be outside here. Sora: Eh!? He was that close to us!? Koushiro: No. Apparently, that program serves to warp and connect airspace.

The kids emerge in another part of the desert, bearing no resemblance to the craggy valley they came from. Per Koushiro, they've effectively created a shortcut between two spaces in the Digimon World.

(It's basically the same thing as what happened in the cave Taichi got his Crest from, when they escaped Etemon by slipping through a back wall to a new geographical region far away from the Koromon Village he was attacking.)

In the dub:

Tai: Alright! Last one through's a rotten egg! Izzy: Our electronic pen pal is right out there! Sora: Or it could be a trap! Izzy: No way! We're just bits of data so I uploaded us as file attachments a-- Sora: (annoyed) Okay, I believe you!

Apparently this can't be a trap anymore because we're all file attachments. I have no idea what that's even supposed to mean.

We also don't get the explanation that the two caves are now linked in space, tying back to the Crest cave, because that's not what happened in the dub. Izzy just Fast Travelled us.

Outside the cave, the kids get a glimpse of their destination.

This is where their mystery contact sent the email from. Oh, and look! We've seen that thing in the distance before, haven't we? Taichi whips out his mini telescope to confirm: It's Etemon's trailer. He's here too.

Etemon emerges from the trailer and furiously marches into the pyramid, uttering:

Etemon: I'm here to punish you, Nanomon.

Looks like we know who our contact is. (If that brief scene of Etemon earlier didn't already make it apparent.)

In the dub:

Etemon: That's it! It's the dumpster for you, Datamon, you old pile of junk! Joe: Uhh, I think I left the water running back in the Sphinx.

In the dub, Nanomon is called Datamon. Not quite sure why they changed it; Probably assumed American kids wouldn't understand what nanotech is to get the reference.

With both their mystery contact and Etemon here, the kids do the only responsible thing!

They fucking leave, of course. Giving Etemon a wide berth for whatever the hell he's doing and making camp back in the valley side of their space wormhole. Plan is to infiltrate the pyramid tomorrow morning, bright and early.

We join Taichi that night as his shift ends and Sora comes to relieve him. It's not clear when exactly they stopped being chauvinistic about the nightwatch shifts but it's a solid improvement.

Sora: Taichi.... Piyomon: It's time to change shifts. Agumon: Thank goodness! I was starting to get tired. Good night! (Agumon heads inside) Taichi: Me too. I should get some sleep to prepare for tomorrow. Sora: I'm sorry, Taichi. Taichi: Huh? Sora: Ultimately, you're going to all this trouble just for my Crest and to help the sender of that email, right? Taichi: That's how it turned out. Anyway, I'm not the sort of guy who turns his back on someone in trouble! Sora: ... Taichi: You're not acting like yourself, Sora. Sora: Eh? Taichi: If it was your Crest we found first, would you be as bothered by this as you are now? Sora: ...I doubt I even would have thought about it. Taichi: See? Besides, we're just data now. No point in thinking too seriously about all this! Sora: If we return to our world, do you think we'll remember our experiences and the Digimon we met in this world? Taichi: Who knows?

Sora's having "Am I a burden?" anxieties right now. By her own admission, she would storm that pyramid without a second's thought if it was for someone else's Crest, but the fact that it's hers gives her pause.

Taichi, meanwhile, expresses an alarming takeaway from Koushiro's infodump.

In the dub:

Sora: Okay, Tai. You're relieved. Biyomon: It's our turn to stand watch! Agumon: Finally! It's not much fun watching a bunch of rocks. (yawn) Good night! (Agumon heads inside) Taichi: I thought being in a computer cartoon adventure would be more fun than this! Sora: A-About tomorrow.... Tai: What? Sora: I'm worried. That Etemon is bad news. Is it really worth it just to find my crest? Tai: Sure! Don't worry, Sora! Piece of cake! I'm looking forward to spinning that ugly monkey around by his tail! Sora: ... Tai: Hey, come on! Snap out of it! Sora: Huh? Tai: Look, if it was my Crest or T.K.'s or anyone else's we were going after, you know you wouldn't hesitate for a second. Sora: Oh... Maybe you're right. It's just, after what Izzy said-- Tai: What? You mean all that stuff about us being nothing but little kilobytes in the great computer program of life? Sora: It just makes us seem so small and insignificant. Like nothing we do really matters. Tai: Of course it matters. We can't take the chance that it doesn't.

Sora's anxieties here are presented straight, but everything else around it is changed. The aside about Taichi wanting to save the email sender is changed to Tai wanting to kick Etemon's ass and show how cool he is. This is probably meant to convey Tai's overconfidence, since they also cut Taichi's alarming "Why take it seriously if we're just data" bit.

That part and Sora worrying about losing memory of the Digimon are removed. In their place, we get an out-of-place existentialist debate about purpose and destiny in a nihilistic universe, that seems entirely unrelated to anything Izzy said back there.

The next morning, we find Sora clarifying details with Koushiro hours after Taichi's gone to bed.

Koushiro: Even though I said we're digitized, our data is bulky and elaborate. Considering the large amount of data that's been shifted into this world, it would probably cause feedback when we return to our own world. Sora: So, in other words, we should still treat ourselves as if we have real bodies, right? Koushiro: It's best to think that way. Sora: Right. Just as I thought, we shouldn't act irresponsibly just because we're data now. Taichi: (from the passage) HEY!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE!?!? HURRY UP!!! Sora: Coming!

This is a critical contrast of the idea Taichi expressed earlier. He suggested we're just data so nothing matters, and now Koushiro is saying NO NO NO EVERYTHING MATTERS. Unfortunately, Taichi isn't the one hearing it.

In the dub:

Izzy: Remember, there's one thing that's important to keep in mind: This is more than a parallel universe. It's a shadow world physically linked to our own. Anything that happens here in the Digi-World can have a direct effect on things in the other. Sora: Then... the same thing goes for us, right? We're shadow versions of our other selves! Izzy: Right! Exact computer copies. Sora: So whatever happens, we have to be just as careful as if we were still our physical selves. Tai: HEY!!! Sometime this year! Man, you guys talk more than my mom's book club! CAN WE GO!?!? Sora: Alright!

The important context gets across: Do not behave recklessly because what happens to us here in Digi-World has real consequences. Both versions, however, are vastly different in how they lay it out.

Honestly, I think the dub's explanation is a lot more digestible. "Physically linked; What happens to one happens to the other" is a pretty common concept in virtual-world storytelling. If you cut off my arm in the simulation then my arm somehow falls off in the real world. Got it.

But in the original it's like. Okay. So. My arm isn't here, it's in the real world. I just have the idea of having an arm transformed into data and then made physical here. So if you cut off my arm... like, my real arm isn't here, so it should be fine. What happens then when it feeds back into my brain? My physical arm is still there. Do I lose the ability to move my arm or something because the data of Having Arms had the data of Severance coded into it?

As a stake, "There would be feedback because of the size of our data packets" is a lot harder to wrap my head around than "What happens in the video game HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE."

But either way, the point is made: The stakes are real so do not be stupid and reckless. Now let's go watch Taichi be stupid and reckless.

Bright and early in the mouth of the sphinx, the kids plan their rescue mission.

Koushiro: There's a hidden passageway in the pyramid that's normally not visible. Jou: Our first and foremost priority is to save the sender and get Sora-kun's Crest. DO NOT get caught up in any unnecessary fighting! Taichi: Yeah, yeah, I know.... Takeru: I wanted to go too.... Yamato: Don't be selfish, Takeru. Mimi: Be careful, everyone. Palmon: Keep steady. Gomamon: I'll be fine, no worries! Taichi: Yeah! Back soon! (leaps from the sphinx's mouth)

The team splits up from here. Taichi, Sora, Jou, and Koushiro leave on the field mission while Yamato hangs back with Mimi and Takeru.

(This is a well-reasoned division of duties. Jou-senpai and the two athletes are going into the intensely perilous infiltration, while Big Brother Yamato hangs back to watch over the younger kids.

With exception of Koushiro, who's on the field team because his laptop is critical to this operation and we don't have a means of communicating long-range. Though Koushiro is also an athlete, which is easy to forget. This is literally Senpai and the Soccer Team infiltrating the pyramid. Either way, it shows the kids are starting to think tactically.)

In the dub:

Izzy: I got into the program and found the most direct route to the center of the pyramid. Joe: Okay now, let's get this straight: We're only going in there to find this guy and get Sora her Crest, right? Tai: (dismissive) Right, right.... Joe: That means no fights or adventures or dangerous stuff! Tai: You whimper more than my puppy! Matt, Mimi, T.K., stay here and stand guard. Let's go in! Mimi: If you really don't think you need me.... Palmon: I miss you guys already! Gomamon: We'll be back in time to eat! Tai: Or get eaten!

The dub reframes the whole conversation to put Tai in the leadership role instead of Joe. This is tragic for Joe, since stepping up and taking charge of the op here is a great moment for Jou-senpai.

It also seems that they did not plan this in advance, as Dub Leader Tai makes the decision to separate Matt, T.K., and Mimi out from the group right here in the spur of the moment.

It does, however, do a great job of conveying Tai's problematic cockiness. He is appropriately insufferable in this scene.

The forward team makes their way to the pyramid, following Koushiro's instructions. Once they arrive, however, he needs a moment to locate their secret entrance.

Koushiro: The hidden passage should be up ahead on this side of the pyramid.

Taichi scouts around the corner and spots Etemon emerging from the main entrance. Etemon yawns and stretches, having seemingly just woken up.

Taichi: (near-silent gasp, hides around corner) Agumon: (whisper) What's wrong, Taichi? Taichi: (whisper) It's Etemon! Jou: GEH!!!

Jou claps his hands over his mouth but it's too late. Etemon heard that. He turns, approaching the corner.

Etemon: Who's there?

The kids stand flat against the side of the pyramid, maximizing how long they have until he spots them. But it's only a matter of time.

Piyomon: What do we do, Sora!? Sora: Don't talk!

Finally, Etemon rounds the corner to... absolutely nothing.

Etemon: Am I hearing things?

Taichi then makes mocking gestures at Etemon through the secret entrance Koushiro found. Because he once again thinks he's invincible right now. It's SkullGreymon all over again.

Etemon: Huh? I don't know why, but I feel like someone was mocking me. That's so irritating! I'll go sing a song or something to amuse myself.

Etemon storms off to go jam out his feelings while Taichi has a good chuckle to himself.

In the dub, as they make their way to the team, Tai's given a fairly basic command line to reinforce his leadership in this version.

Tai: Okay! Keep together!

Then the group approaches the pyramid.

Izzy: There's a hidden backdoor to the program you can use to get in. (The kids approach the pyramid) Izzy: That's funny. It should be right here. Etemon: Where's my friend banana sandwich!? (Taichi scouts around the corner) Etemon: You know I like to eat after my nap! Tai: WAUGH!!! (hides around corner) Joe: (whispers) Tai, what is it? Tai: (whispers) It's Etemon! Joe: WAUGH!!! Etemon: (noticing) Eh? Who's there? Biyomon: What do we do now? Sora: Quiet, Biyomon.

Here, the dub uses Etemon's line to alert Tai to check around the corner, rather than him just scouting out to watch the team's back. That's a lateral change, I think. Both versions work.

(Also, I love Izzy describing the hidden entrance as "a backdoor to the program". That's clever.)

Joe's still the one who reflexively shrieks and gives the game away, but I don't know how Etemon didn't hear Tai's equally loud yelp a moment before.

Then, during Tai's teasing, he calls out to Etemon too.

Etemon: (rounds corner) BOO!!! (nobody's there) Great, now I'm hearing things. Tai: YOO-HOO!!! Etemon: Huh? (no one's there) Y'know, I'm gonna have to have this place completely exterminated! Because something's startin' to bug me!

Not the best quip they've written. Etemon's forced to set up a non-sequitur just so he can then make a pun out of it. But the line it replaces wasn't exactly super critical or comedy gold either so, again, lateral change.

As soon as Taichi's back inside the passage, Sora lays into him for that.

Taichi: He's gone. We're fine now. Sora: Don't act stupid! What if he caught us!? Taichi: It's fine, we're fine!

Meanwhile, Senpai has his eye on the ball and is ready to move ahead.

Jou: So this is the hidden passageway. Koushiro: It looks like data from the outside, but really there's nothing in it. Agumon: Let me see! (slaps the wall, hurting his hand) Koushiro: Everything besides the passage is comprised of data, so please be careful.

Agumon fundamentally misunderstood what Izzy was saying.

In the dub:

Joe: Well, now that we're in, what do we do? Izzy: I guess next we try to find a way through these walls. The trick is finding the weak points! Agumon: Hey, I found one! (slaps the wall, hurting his hand) Izzy: As I was saying, Agumon, the trick is finding the weak points. Let's use heads, not hands.

That's not even remotely what Koushiro said but it does connect to what they're doing. As they explore the passage, they find other fake walls leading to other parts of the pyramid. Those are the "weak points" that Izzy's referring to.

Taichi: We can see outside from here. Koushiro: Yes. But no one can see us from the other side. Agumon: Ah! Gazimon!

A pair of Gazimon pass by in front of the "wall", noticing nothing and continuing about their business.

Sora: Keep quiet....

Taichi does not keep quiet. Emerging from the fake wall, he kicks a Gazimon in the back and then ducks back inside.

Gazimon 1: HEY!!! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!? Gazimon 2: What? Gazimon 1: DON'T PLAY DUMB!!! YOU JUST KICKED ME!!! Gazimon 2: No, I didn't. Gazimon 1: LIAR!!!

This erupts into a fistfight, as the kicked Gazimon lunges for the other in retaliation. All while Taichi laughs quietly behind the hidden door.

In the dub, for reasons that can only imply some sort of problem with actor availability and redubbing or something, Wendee Lee (Takeru) suddenly voices Tai for exactly one line. It's incredibly noticeable.

Takeru: (possessing Taichi's body and speaking through his lips) Hey, check it out! You can see right through this wall! Izzy: Yeah, here it is. It's another breach in the system's security. Agumon: LOOK!!! GAZIMON!!! (Gazimon pass by) Sora: Be still.... (Tai runs out and kicks one) Gazimon 1: HEY!!! WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA!?!? Gazimon 2: What do you mean? Gazimon 1: Don't give me that! Just 'cause the boss likes ME! Gazimon 2: Have you gone nuts!? Gazimon 1: NUTS TO YOU!!!

For the good, I'm still enjoying the hidden passage being a "breach in system security". Also, the fight Tai provokes inadvertently revealing bad blood and workplace drama between the Gazimon got me. XD Fantastic addition.

For the bad... whatever the hell is going on with Tai's voice, of course. Did they forget to dub a line and need to make due? What's happening here? But also, Sora's line change from "Be quiet" to "Be still" doesn't make sense. They can't see us. We're not hiding from a Jurassic Park T-Rex, we're trying not to be overheard.

Sora, of course, is livid after that stunt.

(Reasonably so. By now, Taichi would definitely have been vote-kicked out of the party if that was an option. He is going to get us killed.)

Sora: WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?!? WHAT IF THEY FOUND OUT THAT WAS YOU!?!? Jou: Sora-kun, keep your voice down. Taichi: You worry too much, Sora. We're just data, y'know. Sora: TAICHI, YOU-- Jou: Sora-kun! Shhhh! Shhhhhh!!!

I really feel for Sora here. I get where Jou's coming from. See above, re: we're invisible, not inaudible. Screams echoing down the halls can easily give us away.

But so can these stunts Taichi keeps pulling. It's unfair for Jou to only be criticizing her and not Taichi. Rolled a 4 on his Senpai Check here.

In the dub:

Sora: You could have gotten us all captured back there, Tai! YOU'RE SO IMMATURE!!! Joe: Could you yell a little quieter, huh? Tai: Geeze, Sora. Relax, kid. Get a grip. Who elected you the Queen of the Fun Police? Sora: Yes, this is tons of fun. And getting caught will be a blast! Joe: Couldn't you just pass notes? It's much quieter.

As before, Joe comes off weaker in this scene because he's not team leader, and can only whine helplessly instead of shutting Sora down. His second line of whining, however, is hilarious. XD

The biggest shift here is Tai's line, which makes him look even more immature. They also cut his rationale for his behavior, but only to move it to the next scene. It's still here and still motivating him.

The kids next come upon a deadly electric fence barring the path forward.

Tentomon: Is there electricity running through this, or is it juts me? Koushiro: The section that acts as a hidden entryway should only have harmless data in it. Jou: So that means everything else really is electrified? Gomamon: (teasing) You look scared, Jou. Jou: Of course I am! Taichi: You're too timid, Jou. So, where's the entrance? Koushiro: It's... There. (points) Taichi: Okay.

Without an ounce of hesitation, Taichi walks straight through the spot Koushiro pointed out on the deadly barrier, passing through harmlessly while everyone gasps in surprise. After a moment, he peeks back out and urges the rest to hurry up. One by one, they follow after while Sora visibly remains steaming.

Sora says nothing in this entire scene. She is biting her tongue because Senpai reprimanded her. But her fury is plain on her face every time she's in the shot.

In the dub:

Tentomon: This looks nasty! We don't have to go through here, do we? Izzy: This firewall is the system's last line of defense, but htere appears to be only one safe way through it. Joe: And if we pick the wrong way, they'll scoop us up with a spatula! Gomamon: (teasing) You're not scared, are you, Joe? Joe: Maybe I am, a little! Tai: Relax, it's not like we're human or anything. We're just bunches of kilobytes, remember? Izzy: The waypoint should be... Here. (points) Tai: Cool!

Here's where Tai's "No consequences because we're data" rationale comes in for the dub. We also have Izzy referring to the barrier as a firewall. Which is the implication in the original but I still like hearing him refer to everything here by computer terminology.

No indication is made in the dub for why Sora is suddenly silent but fuming. She just. Is.

The kids emerge at their destination: A chamber deep inside the pyramid with a glass cage containing their target.

Koushiro: Here's our destination. Taichi: Here? Tentomon: That's... I'm pretty sure that's Nanomon. He's a very smart Digimon.

The dub takes this as an opportunity for some quipping.

Izzy: This is the host computer. Tai: Yowza. Do you think it comes with a CD-ROM drive or is that optional? Sora: And what do you suppose that thing is? Tentomon: I've heard of him. His name's Datamon.

They also add Sora's voice to this scene, but that's fine. She hadn't come out of the wall yet last we saw but she'll be there after the rundown, and talking again now that we're here. It's just Taichi's shittiness that she's being silent about.

From here, the narrator delivers his rundown. Nanomon is a Perfect-stage Virus-type Machine Digimon, so we'd better be sure we know what we're doing before we let him out.

Narrator: Nanomon. No matter what kind of computer system he's up against, he can rebuild it. A Perfect-Stage Machine Digimon.

Apparently he can't rebuild his way out of this cage, though.

In the dub, Tentomon does the honors.

Tentomon: A super-intelligent robotic Digimon. He disappeared without a trace some time ago. Nobody ever knew what happened to him.

It's weird that Tentomon would know that when he's never left File Island, but it was also weird in the original when he recognized Nanomon to begin with. Tentomon knows about Nanomon/Datamon somehow. It is what it is.

I think we've pretty much obsoleted "I don't know anything outside File Island" as a plot point.

From here, Nanomon makes contact.

Sora: Could that Digimon be the one who sent the email? Nanomon: (appears on Koushiro's computer screen) That's exactly right, Chosen Children!

Koushiro glances over at Nanomon's physical body and sees that his right eye, the one that's an LED light, has a red light blinking in it.

Koushiro: I see. He's sending data directly through my IR port! Nanomon: I once fought Etemon long ago and was crushed. My broken body was sealed away here. On top of having my ability to formulate stolen, I was tasked with supervising Etemon's network system. One day, I recovered my memories and began to slowly repair my body in a way Etemon wouldn't notice. Soon I learned about everything happening outside, and I was able to meddle with that information. However, I need a considerable amount of outside help to release me from confinement. Sora: Do you really know where my Crest is? Nanomon: Of course! I know many things that Etemon himself has not even heard of. Jou: Can we really trust him? Nanomon: You and I share a common enemy in Etemon. You can trust me. Taichi: Okay then, what should we do? Nanomon: Follow my instructions.

This is Nanomon's critical importance to the story: He is the mainframe through which the Dark Network runs. In a sense, he is the Network.

Nanomon transmits directions for the kids to follow. Taichi pulls down a lever to open an access panel while Koushiro inputs the combination. All that's left to do is for Taichi to release the leaver; However, suddenly they hear a voice calling out.

Etemon: Hold it! Taichi: Etemon! Etemon: Of course we'd catch you after everything you've done. We have surveillance cameras here, y'know!

The two Gazimon enter the room, both with bandaged faces.

Gazimon 1: How dare you-- Gazimon 2: --do that to us! Taichi: Whoops, they found out! Jou: BECAUSE OF YOU, TAICHI!!!

Correction: Taichi isn't going to get us killed. Taichi has already gotten us killed. My mistake. At least Jou finally berates Taichi for the shit he's been pulling instead of staying quiet. Vindication for Sora-kun.

Etemon then turns to momentarily adress Nanomon.

Etemon: My network's been acting funny ever since the children landed on this continent. That was you, wasn't it? Nanomon: I finished my maintenance just before the arrived.

Remember that weird glitch, where Etemon's data didn't update and sent him to some beach while they disembarked on a cliffside instead? Remember how SkullGreymon trashing the Coliseum somehow brought down the entire network all across the desert? All Nanomon. He's been sabotaging Etemon from the get-go.

In the dub:

Etemon: Hold it! Tai: Etemon! Etemon: I've been watchin' you on surveillance cameras and you're an annoying little brat, y'know that? (The Gazimon enter) Gazimon 1: Punk kid! Gazimon 2: Troublemaker! Tai: Hey, it's been my pleasure! Joe: Great, why don't you just call him ugly too. Etemon: And all this time, I thought it was those snot-nosed kids that were causing my network to go on the fritz! But it was you, wasn't it, you digital dumpster!? Datamon: Well, in a word: Yes.

Again, Joe is forced to whine instead of snap at Tai because he's not in the position of authority here.

I like Etemon calling Datamon a "digital dumpster", however. Rolls off the tongue nicely, especially in his Elvis voice.

After confirming this one point with Nanomon, the moment we've all been desperately trying to stave off finally arrives. Letting out a hideous battle cry, Etemon suddenly roars across the room to tear these children in half.

We are absolutely no match for the Strongest in Konoyo. Self-proclaimed or not.

The kids keep nothing in reserve here. Greymon, Kabuterimon, Birdramon, and Ikkakumon all power up at once to hold back Etemon. They achieve nothing. Etemon lays Greymon out with a single punch. He grabs Ikkakumon by the horn, flinging him into Kabuterimon to take them both out.

Realizing they're going to die in seconds, Taichi yanks that lever up to finish opening Nanomon's prison. Nanomon goes straight to action, seizing control of the prison mechanism. The triangular panes of glass that had formed his prison now under his control, he sends them all at Etemon at once.

Nanomon: See for yourself how strong you've made this prison!!!

Two panes strike the Gazimon, crushing them against the wall. One hits Birdramon, crushing her so severely she loses her form and reverts to Piyomon. And one goes for Etemon, which breaks easily against his unstoppable fist.

(I don't think Etemon is impressed by how strong he made that prison, Nanomon. What else you got?)

Taichi whirls on Nanomon for his friendly fire incident.

Taichi: What are you doing!? Nanomon: You are of no further use! Etemon: Hehehehehe.... That's the kind of guy Nanomon is. Nanomon: Enough blabber, PLUG BOMB!!!

The dub hits the same points but it's worth noting that Datamon's attitude is different.

Tai: HEY!!! We set you free! Datamon: And I do appreciate that, you chumps! Etemon: Dumb kids. Hehehehe, you'd think by now they'd learn to trust no one! Datamon: Trust me: This will hurt!

Datamon has the attitude of a maniacal fiend who feels he has the upper hand, while Nanomon is just screaming blood fury. Nanomon hit Birdramon because he's attacking indiscriminately. She was caught in crossfire. Nanomon will kill as many people as he has to as long as Etemon is one of them. While Datamon... may have done that on purpose? Unclear.

Nanomon unloads his signature attack Plug Bomb, opening his fingers into separate guns to fire little red bullet bees. Etemon counters with Dark Spirits, a fireball made of concentrated darkness energy.

The dub doesn't give Datamon's attack a name. Etemon confusingly calls his "Dark Network!" even though that's. Not. What. That means. Okay.

Dark Spirits and Plug Bomb explode on impact, creating a blast that tears up through the desert sands outside. We cut briefly to Gabumon watching for the others' return from the sphinx's mouth.

Gabumon: YAMATO, LOOK!!! (Yamato and Mimi peek around Gabumon) Yamato: Huh? THEY'RE FIGHTING!!! Mimi: EH!?!?

It's at this point in the dub that we have the most baffling flub I have seen in the show yet. The lines are basically the same, but Mimi's reaction is cut and Matt's more sarcastic.

Gabumon: Uh-oh! Matt! Matt: Huh? Well, so much for no fighting!

However, overlaid on top of this dialogue are the voices of two random actual children, not any performer in the show. speaking at the same time as Gabumon and Matt in louder voices that drown them out.

Random Child 1: Biyomon, over here! Random Child 2: I'm coming!

What the actual fuck. At least now we have confirmation that they didn't bother doing second takes of anything. They weren't even giving the show a once-over before sending it to publication. Anybody would have caught this.

Was this localization done on a budget of $5? That's not a sarcastic question. It was an anime dub for a FOX cartoon show in the 90's. It's a very strong possibility that the project wasn't given much attention or funding. I'm not trying to be mean here. But. Wow. I had to google the Random Child Voices to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

Back inside the pyramid, we find Sora at Piyomon's side trying to rouse her. Piyomon is unconscious and unmoving on the floor.

Suddenly Nanomon slams into the wall overhead and crumples to the floor, tossed by Etemon.

Etemon: I win again. Nanomon: The only thing you're good at is fighting, you monkey!

Thinking quickly, Nanomon suddenly grabs Sora and Piyomon.

Nanomon: Once I use their true power, your defeat is certain!

Nanomon vanishes through an open door, dragging Sora and Piyomon with him. Etemon tries to pursue, but Greymon, Ikkakumon, and Kabuterimon form a barrier in front of him.

The kids slip through the door to chase down Nanomon while Etemon's busy ripping through their Digimon. The dub cuts a shot, just after they leave, of Greymon getting bodied again. Guess they wanted it to look more hopeful.

The kids find the firewall standing in their way.

Sora: (echoing voice) TAICHI!!! Koushiro: He escaped through the hidden passageway! Taichi: I'm sure... That spot is where her voice came from.

Taichi starts to approach where he thinks the passage is, but Koushiro calls after him.

Koushiro: Wait! I have to verify the location first! Taichi: We're just data, remember? If I make a mistake, I'll just start over. Koushiro: PLEASE STOP!!! Jou: Got him!

Jou grabs Taichi suddenly from behind, restraining him from touching the firewall.

Taichi: Hey! Let go! Sora is-- Koushiro: Taichi-san, do you think that, just because you're data, you're free to act like a video game character!? Taichi: (stops resisting) ...am I wrong? Koushiro: COMPLETELY!!! It's exactly the same as if we were living and breathing here. If you die here, you'll really die. Taichi: ...what? That... that can't be....

Taichi turns and looks at the firewall once more, and now the peril becomes real for him.

Taichi: It can't be.... I didn't think I'd really die.... Jou: (releases him) Taichi.... Koushiro: The hidden passage is one meter to the right.

Not only can Taichi die. But if Jou hadn't grabbed him, he would have died. His guess was wrong.

Now understanding the danger of the firewall, Taichi freezes up. He can't bring himself to move.

Taichi: What... What's wrong with me? Sora's in danger!

No matter how he tries to motivate himself, his body simply won't move.

The dub plays all of this drama straight. The only gag they add is Jou's line when he grabs Taichi.

Joe: Pain still hurts, Tai!

They also move Izzy's reveal of the gap's location to an earlier shot with his back turned, when Tai's realizing the lethality of the fence. This is so they can extend Tai's reluctance and make it a group activity.

Izzy: The weak point is one meter to your right. Tai: No way... Just one false move and it's over.... Joe: (releases him) Hey, Tai.... Izzy: It's safe, Tai. We came through it alright on the way in. Tai: Yeah, but then I didn't know that.... Izzy: Go on! It's okay. Joe: Come on, Tai, we're wasting time! Sora needs us. What's wrong with you? Izzy: Tai?

Joe's last line is delivered so casually, it's like they're just talking about moving Sora's couch. What do you think is wrong with him, Joe? You can get these things from context!

As Taichi remains paralyzed with terror, time runs out.

Etemon breaks down the wall using the three Partner Digimon that were fighting him in order to get inside the hidden passage.

Agumon: No good... Taichi... He's too strong for us.... Etemon: (turning towards the kids) Now that it's come to this, I'll start with you.

He doesn't get a chance. Garurumon and Togemon come through the ceiling, unloading Chiku Chiku Bang-Bang and Fox Fire before he knows what hit him. He easily shields himself from Garurumon's blue flames while Togemon's needles don't even faze him.

But it buys the kids a moment to escape, with Yamato physically grabbing the catatonic Taichi to force him to move.

Etemon: What!? This isn't enough to take me down-- Huh? Where did they go?

Etemon is left comically clueless. In the dub, he outright whines.

Etemon: No! Not again! They didn't get away again! Aww, I'm havin' an extremely bad day, bay-beh!

Poor Monkey Elvis. XD He should go sing a song to amuse himself.

It's not super clear which way they went but the camera fixes on the ceiling hole, so probably not the firewall.

The kids regroup on the far side of the shortcut passage, in the craggy valley where they made camp.

While Yamato, Mimi, and Takeru are informed of what became of Sora, we close on this shot of Taichi weeping.

Yamato: I see. Sora and Piyomon were taken.... Taichi: Damn it... Damn it....

The dub's final exchange is a lot more verbose, with Matt shifted to being accusatory.

Matt: I don't get it. When the creep grabbed Sora and Biyomon, why didn't you go through the firewall after them!? Tai: I couldn't... I couldn't move.... Joe: It's not your fault. We're all in this together, Tai. We'll find a way to get them back. Tai: It's all my fault! Sora! It's all my fault!

But credit to the dub team for ending on a downer and not undercutting it in any way. This is a pleasant surprise after Mimi's Crest episode.

Assessment: As a fallible character who makes mistakes and has to learn from them, I love Taichi. But I am starting to see why Sora fell for Yamato instead, though that's still a few years off. Even if this was a video game, Taichi's behavior would be incredibly obnoxious to the rest of his party.

In his defense, he's 11. He can be forgiven for acting childish when he's literally a child. But he does have a lot of growing up to do. Which is, of course, what this two-parter is about. This is the setup for Taichi's payoff next episode. He has to fall before he can rise.

But it's also wearing kinda thin because we just did this. This is SkullGreymon again. Taichi acting like a reckless hotshot and making awful choices out of insecure overconfidence only to be brutally and horrifically humbled is something we already did only a few episodes ago. The reasons have changed but the behavior and story trajectory are the same.

But, repetitive Taichi aside, I love the way Etemon's Dark Network ultimately proves to be the centerpiece of this story. This makes it distinct from the way Devimon's Black Gears were used, always in a subordinate capacity. The reveal that Etemon's Dark Network has been purposely working against him all along is brilliant and pays off all of the episodes leading up to it.

Don't fuck with the IT guy.

Meanwhile, the dub of this one... has... random children dubbed over the characters. Like. There is nothing I can say that would possibly lay out the flaws in this one moreso than that. I don't actually give letter grades to these episodes except as a punchline, but even so this one gets an F.

It does have parts that I like, and I especially love the way Izzy describes moving through the pyramid as a hacking effort into a system. But it also has random children dubbed over the characters. Oh my god, watch your show one time before releasing it to publication.

[themessengervevo]

Hello everyone! Before I begin, I have to say I very much thank everyone who shared my story around. It may not be much, but it could lead to something more. Thank you for doing that.

Since my goal with my original post was to not only address my sudden unfair banning from the platform but to also give attention to other problems with this platform, I decided to give this operation a catchy name of sorts. You can call it

Operation Take That!

or anything else really. Hopefully that will give this movement more of an identity.

In other news though, I may have discovered some very peculiar bugs that affect the Youtube experience for me, and I'll show these in this post to give bugfix suggestions. For the sake of clarity, and also because I like old stuff, I will be showing these screenshots with CustomTube enabled. It's an extension for Chrome and Firefox that changes the look of the Youtube layout to older ones, specifically mid 2014 in this case.

First on my examination will be the home page. For this and other instances, I will be comparing how a banned user sees a page with the same tab but in a container so as to show how a normal user sees the same page. So how does the home page should usually look like? It should look as shown here:

Notice the sidebar on the left. Now lets compare it with the non-container homepage, and see what we get:

You can immediately see how the sidebar is gone. Why? If you can't login into a youtube account, why remove the sidebar? It still wouldnt let you sign in anyway because you are terminated. It is simply unnessesary!

Now lets move onto the watch page, and see how that is different, here is a screengrab of a random video I took from the home page in the container:

Again, notice the sidebar, but also the Like and Dislike buttons and the row of buttons from "About" to "More". Lets also compare the comments section, here is how it looks in container:

Great, right? Now lets see how those two look without container:

Notice how wrong everything looks? The lack of sidebar again, the misshapen Like button, the Save button here is the default one, the Share button has been replaced with a number, and the More button has three dots underneath it. Odd right? Lets see the comment section now:

Oh wait, there is no comment section here, because it's stuck in a loading loop! Again, why does this need to happen when you get banned? This is just unnessesary again!

Here's some other issues that I know of or found that I feel like need to be fixed:

The Like and Dislike buttons in comment sections lead to the sign in, unlike the ones under the video itself.

There's been performance issues for users of Firefox, including an intentional 5-second slowdown and big lag. The lag one in particular seems to be happening to everyone, not just me with an almost decade-old laptop at this point. Some speculate these changes were made by Google as part of a tactic to get non-Chrome users to, well, use Chrome, and see it as just plain being greedy. I think so too.

Occasionally, when I enter the home page from a watch page, the tab assumes I am logged in and shows my pfp and notification bell and all. I can click the pfp to open what would be the menu there, but is stuck in an endless loop. As well, the page im on shows a "Something went wrong" error. Very weird. That needs to be fixed too I think.

Again, please reblog and share this post around to not only hear my story but to hear my criticisms and suggestions too. I might make more of these posts to show how bad Youtube's getting as a platform. Also I am still considering whether to get a Boosty or not. Maybe even a Ko-fi if they allow that. Again, thank you for your support so far, I couldn't be more happy to hear your thoughts on this, and if any of you had or have the same experience I'm having, please reach out!

- Thank you, The Messenger.

[theharrowing]

Dollhouse 24 💛: Are you here alone?

Hoseok's job is simple: He enters the host's body, he confiscates or terminates the target, and he gets back into his own body by dinnertime, easy peasy. Until a client comes along who becomes as obsessed with his life as he becomes with theirs, and the lines between their realities begin to blur.

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💛 Hoseok x Namjoon, Jungkook x Yoongi 💛 word count: 15.1k words 💛 hired assassin au, sci-fi, body swapping, graphic violence, infidelity, body dysphoria, lgbtq, smut, fluff, angst, poly, nsfw, smut, 21+ 💛 chapter warnings: rough oral & anal sex, slapping, spitting, use of safe word, humiliation, use of the word "whore", cum on face, paranoid feelings, Hoseok making more terrible fucking choices. Hoseok spirals.

💛 notes: wow, uhhhh...idk how i ended up writing a chapter this long, but here we gooooo!!! we're so close to the end, ahhhh!!!! 💛 beta read by @neoneunnajimin 💛 posted april 2023 | read on ao3

The Boss: Hoseok-ssi. I know you have already left for the day, but a file has come across my desk that I would like you to have a look at. It is from a possible client in New Zealand, and you are the only one I trust to take on someone this high profile, but it will require jumping. I will need a response in the morning, so mull over whether you think you are up for it.

Hoseok does not hesitate to agree to the position without giving it much thought at all. A job in New Zealand could not have come at a better time. 

Hoseok: Count me in. I'm ready to jump again.  

The Boss: Wonderful. We will discuss more tomorrow.

Ordinarily, their dynamic is that Namjoon likes to bottom and Hoseok likes to top. A surprise to neither of them, really; Hoseok has always been a bit of a control freak, and Namjoon takes care of people so much professionally that he really enjoys being taken care of at home. Tonight, however, Hoseok is going to beg to be fucked. 

He gets home first, sends a text to Namjoon—

Hoseok: Hey baby, I need to discuss something very important with you, please come home as soon as possible.

—and preps himself in the shower. As soon as his phone dings, Hoseok reaches past the shower curtain, dries a hand on one of the nearby hanging towels, and clicks on the screen to find a notification waiting for him. 

Namjoon: On my way! 

Hoseok rinses himself, gets out of the shower, towels off, and then goes into the bedroom. First, he glances around and tries to decide on something to wear. He has his share of sexy lingerie, but he is unsure whether he is in a sexy lingerie mood. So, he sits on the edge of the bed nude and waits, thumbing through his phone for something to distract him. Typically, it takes Namjoon about fifteen minutes to get home from work, but sometimes he leaves in a rush and messages while already on his way, so Hoseok has no idea what to expect. 

He does his best not to let his mind wander, but lately, it feels like an impossible task. The files that Seokjin sent Hoseok seem to be pointing to a very obvious fact, and Hoseok needs to do more digging in order to potentially corroborate the information. But he is also trying to keep his wits about him and not get too swept up in the excitement of everything. 

But what if, Hoseok wonders. What if Taehyung and Jimin really are—

The sound of Namjoon pulling into the driveway rips Hoseok from his thoughts, and he blinks heavily, looking down at his phone, the screen of which has shut off in his hands. He sets the device down onto the bedside table, and as the front door flies open, followed by the sounds of shoes thudding against the wall and the front door being thrown shut, Hoseok stands, walks into the center of the room, and gets down on his knees. 

"Seok?" Namjoon calls, voice sounding somewhat frantic.

Hoseok has to bite back a grin, feeling affection bloom around his ribs. 

"Up here, baby!"

Namjoon barrels up the stairs, feet stomping hard enough that he must be taking two at a time with his palm rubbing against the railing—a cacophony of sound Hoseok has become all too familiar with over the years. And although the bedroom door is already partially ajar, Namjoon pushes it roughly, slamming it into the door stop on the wall while he glances around, disheveled and worried. 

As soon as his eyes land on Hoseok, Namjoon stops in his tracks, nearly tripping on his feet. Hoseok has to bite down onto the inside of his bottom lip to keep from laughing. 

"Seok," Namjoon gasps, out of breath with a look of shock on his face. 

Hoseok smiles softly, resting his palms over his knees while he stares up at his husband, watching as his brain buffers. If the roles were reversed, Hoseok would already be loosening his tie and telling Namjoon what a good little toy he is. But Namjoon always requires a little nudge.

"What," Namjoon tries again, glancing around at the bedroom, which looks just as it did when he left in the morning, as if there may be more clues to explain why his husband is nude and waiting in a submissive position. "I thought—you said—"

"Baby," Hoseok interrupts sweetly. "I do have something urgent that I would like to discuss with you. But first..." Hoseok raises an eyebrow and tips his head back delicately while letting his lips softly part—a flower opening to the sunlight.

"But first...?" Namjoon asks, walking into the bedroom with his arms hanging stiffly at his sides. 

"I need you to fuck me," Hoseok says, reveling in the way Namjoon's eyes widen. "Please."

"Ah," Namjoon responds, hands rising to his grey shirt to begin working his buttons open. "Uh—of course. Yeah, of course. I can do that."

"Yeah?" Hoseok asks sweetly, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth.

Namjoon shrugs quickly out of his shirt, throwing it to the floor despite being only a few feet from the closet hamper. He tears his white tee over his head, fumbles to undo his belt, and shoves his slacks to the floor, leaving a trail of garments in his wake as he walks to Hoseok in his black socks and grey briefs. 

"Yeah," Namjoon sighs, appearing somewhat dazed with his dark hair messy around his face.

"Did I worry you, baby?" Hoseok teases, blinking his eyelashes dramatically.

Namjoon's face becomes a little more stern; finally, he seems to be getting into character. 

"You did."

Hoseok pushes his bottom lip out in a pout and whines, "I guess you should punish me," which is the final push Namjoon seems to need to get into the mindset, gaze sharpening while he rolls his shoulders back and towers tall over him.

"What's the goal, baby?" Namjoon asks as he reaches a hand out and cards it through Hoseok's damp hair.

"Make me forget," Hoseok responds, voice shaking ever so slightly through his words. "Want to just...cease to exist for a little while."

The hand in Hoseok's hair grips tightly and pulls straight up, elongating his back, and he attempts to alleviate the pain by following the pull until all he can do is whimper and take it. With his other hand, Namjoon gently grasps Hoseok by the jaw and squeezes, pressing his lips together, searching his face as if deciding what to do with him. Then Namjoon releases his jaw and slaps him across the cheek, hard and loud, and Hoseok gasps a deep, sharp intake of air, too shocked to make a sound. 

"Color?" Namjoon asks softly.

"Green," Hoseok pants, feeling alive as the pain settles and spreads warm across his skin. 

Namjoon's fist tightens around Hoseok's hair, and he slaps Hoseok on the same cheek, then pulls his hand back and backhands his other cheek in a swift, surprising motion, making Hoseok sob through the sting. 

"Fuck," Hoseok gasps.

"Color?"

"Yellow."

Softly, Namjoon pets the backs of his fingers over Hoseok's cheeks. Hoseok's eyelids flutter shut, and he lets out a deep, pleased exhale. But Namjoon yanks on his hair, forcing Hoseok's eyes open.

"Eyes on me!" he commands, and Hoseok shouts, "Yes, sir!" instinctively. 

"Sir?" Namjoon asks, lifting an eyebrow. "Not daddy?"

Hoseok shakes his head in small, quick movements. Not daddy. Daddy reminds him...makes him think of...

"Hmm," Namjoon groans with a devious grin. "I think I want you to call me daddy, though."

"Joon," Hoseok pleads, whimpering when his hair is pulled roughly. "Baby—sir, please!"

Namjoon crouches before Hoseok, still somewhat taller, but nearly eye-level, and he cocks his head to the side, holding tightly to his hair. 

"You don't want to be reminded of him, do you?" Namjoon asks, voice soft, almost sympathetic. 

Somehow, Hoseok feels the overwhelming urge to cry. 

"No," he mutters pathetically. "No, I don't want to be reminded of him."

After a pause, Namjoon says, "You will call me daddy," while taking Hoseok's jaw in his hand once more, squeezing just enough for it to ache. "By the time I'm done with you, that word will only remind you of me. Are we clear?"

"Yes—" Hoseok whimpers, voice caught in his throat as tears rise to his eyes. 

Namjoon squeezes tighter, and Hoseok knows it is a signal to finish his sentence.

"D-daddy," he says, choked by the vines that squeeze and squeeze. "Yes, daddy."

"Good boy," Namjoon growls as he stands. 

Namjoon steps forward, crowding Hoseok's space with his cheek gently pressed against his soft cock. The delicate musk of Namjoon's sweat and sweet scent of fabric softener has Hoseok's mouth watering, and he lifts his hands, eager to pull the briefs away. 

"Keep your hands on your knees," Namjoon instructs as he yanks Hoseok's face forward, crashing his nose and lips into his bulge. 

Hoseok huffs warmth through the fabric and allows his lips to drag, hypnotized by the familiar feeling of his husband's semi-erect yet heavy dick as it slowly hardens against him. He takes a deep inhale, desperate for his senses to be filled only with the scents of Namjoon and home. 

"Do you deserve my cock?" Namjoon asks teasingly, grinding Hoseok's face into him.

"No," Hoseok whimpers pathetically. 

"That's right," Namjoon responds, using his thumb to tug down on the waistband of his briefs until Hoseok's nose is buried in dark, rough hair. "You don't deserve my cock. You're lucky I don't force you to watch me fuck someone else."

Shame fills Hoseok's chest, weighing heavily. He knows it is true; he agrees.

"I bet my coworker Hoseok would break me in half. He's so strong. I bet he would fuck me so good." 

Hoseok's heart pounds; it aches. Namjoon's coworker Lee Hoseok is an absolute beefcake of a man, and he has seen the shy way he looks at his husband. They have even joked in the past about Namjoon leaving him for his coworker of the same name, but this time, it does not feel like a joke. This time, it stings.

"How would that make you feel?” Namjoon continues. “Me calling your name for another man?"

A sob shakes through Hoseok's chest, and before he can stop himself, tears begin to fall from both eyes; sadness and maybe a sense of relief. 

"Namjoon, please," Hoseok groans, burying his face against his husband's crotch while his nails dig into the skin of his knees.

"What about Soyoon?" Namjoon asks, voice still just as deep and laced with playful hints that swirl with anger. "Wouldn't she look so pretty sprawled out on the blue comforter, squeezing her thighs around my head?"

"Baby—" Hoseok whimpers. He does not want to think about Namjoon's shy, mysteriously gorgeous coworker like that. 

"That's not what you call me," Namjoon responds curtly with a squeeze to Hoseok's hair. 

Sadness wells over—bursts like a dam as Hoseok shouts, "Daddy!"

"Beg me," Namjoon commands, shoving his briefs down lower with one hand. 

"Please, daddy. Please let me make it up to you. Please let me apologize."

"Make it up to me?" Namjoon scoffs, making the vines squeeze Hoseok's sorry little heart. "How could you possibly do that?"

"Please," Hoseok sobs, tears pouring down his cheeks. All he wants is to suck Namjoon's cock and make him feel good. He just wants to be used and hurt until he can no longer comprehend the world around him. 

Namjoon's briefs slide past his thighs and hit the floor, and Hoseok looks up through his eyelashes pleadingly. From here, Namjoon may as well be a god towering over him; massive, omnipotent, and unforgiving. 

"Open," Namjoon instructs.

Hoseok tilts his head back and lets his mouth fall open, tongue rolled out flat. With two fingers, Namjoon presses onto his tongue, slowly sliding back into Hoseok's throat and out, back and forth. The urge to gag makes tears continue to stream from Hoseok's eyes, and saliva begins to pool under and along the edge of his tongue. 

"Gonna use this pretty mouth," Namjoon groans as he leans forward, pulls his fingertips to the end of Hoseok's tongue, and spits.

Hoseok gasps, feeling heat rise to his cheeks as the spit settles on his tongue. Humiliation is not something Namjoon usually enjoys; he must be really angry. 

Namjoon stands tall once more—a looming presence—and Hoseok pleads with his eyes, eager for Namjoon to let out some of his wrath. He just wants things to be back to normal between the two of them, despite knowing it will probably never be the way it was before. If hurting him is a way to achieve that goal, then Hoseok wants to hurt. He needs to. 

Namjoon's cock hangs heavy and leaking, and Hoseok tilts his chin toward it, flicking his tongue until it hits velvety skin. Another rough tug on Hoseok's hair makes him sob; he has gotten used to the steady pull, but the skin has also settled into a state of soreness that is easily exacerbated. 

"What an eager little whore," Namjoon teases, lightly smacking his fingertips over Hoseok's tongue, filling him with the urge to cough. "Alright, if you're that desperate, suck my cock."

"Thank you, daddy," Hoseok mutters softly as Namjoon's grip on his hair loosens. He licks up Namjoon's shaft as best as he can.

Without his hands, however, Hoseok cannot quite reach the tip. With a frustrated huff, Hoseok attempts to sit higher on his knees, but he is just barely out of reach. 

Namjoon laughs, filling Hoseok head to toe with shame, and he takes his cock in one hand and smacks it against Hoseok's eager tongue before letting it go to hit his stomach.

"Daddy," Hoseok whines with his tongue half hanging from his mouth.

"What's the matter, little whore? Do you need me to help you with everything?"

Namjoon's words begin to cut so deep, causing the vines to squeeze so hard, Hoseok swallows twice to rid his throat of the lump that continues to gather. The urge to cry grows stronger.

With an exaggerated sigh, Namjoon tilts his hips, takes the base of his shaft in his hand, and flicks it down, hitting Hoseok on the lips. Hoseok whimpers as his mouth falls open, and he attempts to wrap his lips around the tip, but Namjoon keeps moving it—keeps fucking with him.

"Christ, Namjoon," Hoseok snaps, and Namjoon's grip on his hair tightens, making him wince. 

"What's the matter, Seok?" Namjoon growls, standing tall with his eyes squinted and something dark burning behind them. "Don't like being toyed around with, hmm?"

Tears threaten to break, and Hoseok blinks rapidly to chase the feeling away. 

"No," he mutters pathetically, feeling his body fall limp and causing his hair to tug more. 

Namjoon yanks Hoseok back to his knees—back to sitting up just as high as before—and Hoseok whimpers from the feeling, but allows his mouth to fall open. He wants Namjoon to use him, despite the myriad emotions this scene is conjuring inside him. He needs Namjoon to let his feelings out. 

"Open," Namjoon instructs, and Hoseok sighs as his tongue lolls flat from his mouth.

The tight grip on Hoseok's hair becomes a dull sensation once more, and as Namjoon slides his cock roughly into his throat, Hoseok breathes through the urge to gag, feeling tears along his eye line begin to break. Hoseok closes his lips and sucks, doing his best to swallow back in time with Namjoon's thrusts and make it feel good for him. 

Namjoon groans and places his hand under Hoseok's chin, making the squeeze in his throat tighter. Hoseok feels as if his head is caught in some sort of loose vice grip—like if he attempts to rest on his knees, Namjoon will continue to roughly hold him suspended in the air. 

The sounds Hoseok's throat begin to make as Namjoon thrusts deeper and harder are low and guttural, bordering gags and moans, sending a chill through him. The thick saliva that gathers is even worse. 

Hoseok nearly fears for his ability to breathe as Namjoon's cock drives further, but he feels powerless to do anything to stop the deep, hurried thrusts, and his eyes roll back as he makes attempts to suck air in through his nose. His body starts to go limp and his ears begin to ring. 

When Namjoon pulls out entirely, Hoseok gasps a horrendous involuntary sound, and he crashes to the floor, realizing a second too late that Namjoon has let his hold on him go.

"Seok," Namjoon says, but he does not sound concerned. He sounds annoyed. Inconvenienced. 

Hoseok blinks heavily, hot tears stream down his face, and he swallows hard to push back all the thick, phlegmy spit. As he stares down at his hands, seeing the way his fingernails cut into his skin, he barely recognizes himself. He seems paler. Weaker. 

Namjoon sighs.

"I don't fucking get you," he says. "You call me here like it's some kind of emergency, then completely dissociate."

Hoseok is almost certain that this is not what dissociating is, but he is not in his right mind to argue. And, anyway, what would be the point? His voice cracks, and the first part of his sentence gets stuck somewhere unvoiced, as he mutters, "—being too rough."

"Alright, sorry," Namjoon says as his weight shifts from one leg to the other. He does not sound sorry.

Hoseok hums, looks up, and holds his mouth open, shuttering as he takes in Namjoon's distant, angry glare. 

"I can do it," he mutters, "let's keep going."

Without a word, Namjoon takes Hoseok by the face in one hand and slides his cock back into his mouth. Hoseok is somewhat surprised; he expected the tears and overall distress to stop Namjoon. He expected to have to beg. 

"Feels good," Namjoon groans as the tip of his cock hits the back of Hoseok's throat, but not hard enough to make him lurch. "Fuck, baby, your mouth always feels so good."

Hoseok's eyelids flutter closed, and he moans as he swallows back, gently gripping his fingertips into nail-dug skin as he does his best to breathe through each languid thrust. 

Sucking Namjoon's cock is always a treat. The heavy weight of him, girth stretching his lips just slightly too much, the salty-sweet taste of his heady precome. Namjoon is heaven.

As Hoseok relaxes further into the feeling of his husband using his mouth, his tears fall less frequently, and his hands fully relax over his knees. He can forgive Namjoon for his outburst; he knows he deserves it. In fact, he deserves far worse. 

"Swallow around me," Namjoon commands softly, rubbing his thumb along the edge of Hoseok's mouth, smearing spit on his skin. Hoseok does as he is told, earning him a deep, pleased groan.

"That's it, fuck, so good. Gonna come soon, baby. Not gonna last long."

There is a voice in Hoseok's head that tells him that Namjoon not lasting too long is a good sign. Namjoon must not have already come today—always having more stamina the second time—and therefore, he must not be cheating on him. After all, Hoseok has expected his long evenings at work and out with coworkers to result in cheating. It is what he feels Namjoon owes him after everything he has put him through, but the thought of his big, dumb cutie being unfaithful does make him sad. 

Of course, Namjoon could still be cheating; Hoseok did call him to come right home today, after all. Hoseok chooses not to dwell on it.

Instead, Hoseok sucks eagerly, even rolls his tongue when he can, anxious to make his husband come. Namjoon groans and gasps, sounds becoming louder and more desperate, hips picking up speed. With both hands, Namjoon grips Hoseok by the sides of his face and begins to trust a little harder. 

Air and spit sputter out from the sides of Hoseok's mouth, and he does his best to sit pretty and let Namjoon use him as he needs. He can feel his face warm as the lack of sufficient oxygen makes it harder and harder for him to breathe, and his fingertips once again dig into his knees. 

Luckily, Namjoon chases his high quickly. With two more powerful thrusts, Namjoon presses in far enough to make white burst in Hoseok's vision at the loss of oxygen before he pulls out completely and comes on Hoseok's face. Hoseok heaves for air, doing his best not to cough, eager to stay as still as he can as Namjoon paints his face. 

Once he has caught his breath, Hoseok holds out his tongue to catch the last of the release, then attempts to lick as much of it from around his mouth as he can. Come drips down his cheeks and slides down the slope of his nose, and Namjoon stands, cock fisted overhead a little longer before he steps away, toward the bathroom. 

"Felt good," Namjoon calls just before turning on the faucet. 

Hoseok lets out a sigh of relief. His heart and lungs ache, feeling tightly wound with emotion. He would love to curl up and fall asleep, but—despite everything he is feeling—he still wants to get held down and fucked. He wants it so badly, his entire body vibrates for it—every nerve needs it. 

Viscous, watery fluid leaks down Hoseok’s chin, mingling with the drool that has pooled, then drops down to his chest. Namjoon must be really well-hydrated; his release is more watery than sticky today. 

Namjoon returns with a small grey washcloth that looks darkened by water, and he slowly approaches, smiling down at Hoseok as he surveys the mess he has made. Then he squats, still sitting taller than Hoseok by several inches, gazing down at him with a smirk. 

“So pretty covered in my come,” Namjoon mutters. “All mine.”

“Yours,” Hoseok rasps, throat feeling sore. 

Namjoon gently rubs the cold, damp rag over Hoseok’s face, taking extra care to wipe his chin, neck, and chest, covering his body in goosebumps as the cool sensation shivers through him. All the while, Hoseok’s palms stay rested on his knees. 

All yours, Hoseok thinks. If only he could believe in the conviction of the words. 

When Hoseok arrives at his office at 8 AM on the dot, The Boss is standing beside his door with her arms folded over her chest, gripping onto a manila folder. She wears thick, dark sunglasses despite being indoors, adorned in one of her long, black dresses that covers her from neck to wrist to ankle—a dress fit for a funeral. Hoseok wonders if it will be his own life that she will be mourning as he reaches a hand out to take the document. 

"New Zealand?" Hoseok asks, realizing with a pang of anxiety that he forgot to mention this job to Namjoon last night, too distracted by getting fucked within an inch of his life.

The Boss hums. "We need to bring the man back to Korea to carry out the assassination order, so your primary duty is to jump and lead him to us."

"Of course," Hoseok says as he punches in the code to his office door and pushes it open with his palm.

"And I assume you got rid of Kim Seokjin?" The Boss asks, stopping Hoseok in his tracks. 

Hoseok clears his throat and mutters, "Yeah," then turns to face The Boss. "I asked him to provide substantial evidence for his claims, and he has not gotten in touch since. Perhaps he knew what we would find in his background check and decided not to pursue it further."

"That is a relief," The Boss states. "We have found…something…but we are working on substantiating it, first."

"Found something?" Hoseok asks, knitting his brows. "What?"

"I—" The Boss begins, then she cocks her head to the side, and Hoseok can see her mulling her words over. "Let's hold off on this conversation until the results come back."

Ordinarily, Hoseok would argue. It is a big pet peeve of his when someone begins to share information only to rescind it. But today, he has no fight in him, and he nods his head and mutters, "Fine."

"Everything alright at home?" The Boss asks. 

Hoseok knows this tone, and he cracks an unconvincing smile and says, "For the most part." 

Namjoon is a liability are the words Hoseok recalls, spoken by The Boss more times than he would like to admit. He knows she does not care how things at home are. He knows that she feels he would be better at his job if he was not married at all. Surely, bringing Namjoon onto the team has not changed that. 

"That's good," The Boss responds flatly before she turns around and leaves. 

With a glare, Hoseok watches after her, then he walks to his desk and throws himself into the uncomfortable chair that sits before it, wincing from the soreness of his ass—a reminder of the night before. As he lifts the file and allows it to fall open, he sees an image of an older man who appears to be Korean, dressed in a suit. There is nothing about the man that stands out in any way, and Hoseok reads through the file quickly. The mission is to jump into the man's advisor's body—against the advisor's will—and hand the two of them over to a team that will escort them back to Korea. Easy enough. 

Hoseok sighs and tosses the folder onto his desk, letting the papers fly from it and fall over the opposite edge, landing on his leather chair, and possibly on the floor. New Zealand is still a bit of a trek to Australia, but it is closer than he is now. Hoseok looked up flights last night, right after Namjoon fell asleep. 

The information Seokjin gave him seems pretty clear. Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung popped up on Seokjin's radar the day The Boss claimed Yoongi and Jeongguk went missing. The crimes that Park and Kim are allegedly running from seem to have all been fabricated in order to get Hoseok's attention. But why? Why is Seokjin unable to come right out and tell Hoseok point blank that these bodies may be hosting the consciousnesses of the men he is searching for, if that is, in fact, what Seokjin is trying to say? What does Seokjin have to lose? What could his connection to them be?

The phone on Hoseok's desk rings. He lets out a heavy sigh as he stands from the chair, rounds his desk, and picks up the receiver, staring down at the paperwork that is scattered on his office chair and the floor. 

"This is Jung," Hoseok says, making a failed attempt to not sound absolutely dead inside. 

"Hoseok-ssi," The Boss says, and Hoseok hums in response, "the target has just made a reservation at the Sofitel in Wellington, and appears to be checking out one week from today. In the event that he moves, I want to try to get to him first. What are the odds of getting you on a flight in the morning?"

Tomorrow morning is way too soon. Hoseok will hardly have a chance to explain to Namjoon what is going on, and what if his pivot to Australia winds up taking him a while? How long will he be away from his husband on such short notice?

"Tomorrow morning is fine," Hoseok responds, nibbling on his bottom lip. 

"Perfect." The Boss responds, sounding pleased as she hangs up.

With a sigh, Hoseok hangs up the phone, then he slowly gets down on his knees to pick up the spilled paperwork and shove it back into the file folder. He considers what he is going to tell Namjoon, then he stands, grabs the papers from his chair, and places it all on top of his desk in a pile before picking up his office phone once more and dialing Namjoon's extension at work. 

It takes four rings before Namjoon picks up, and Hoseok is grateful that he is around rather than helping a patient. Namjoon's voice almost sounds foreign to Hoseok, with how chipper it is when he says, "This is Kim's office."

"Joon," Hoseok blurts, feeling a heavy wave of sadness settle over him from how unusual Namjoon's happy tone sounds, "hey, sorry for calling you at work."

"Oh," Namjoon responds, voice dropping, sounding concerned, "Seok, baby, is everything alright?"

Suddenly, Hoseok feels the weight of leaving the country pressing heavily on his shoulders and tears well into his eyes. He swallows a lump and breathes through the tight, tight squeeze as the vines snake through each rib. 

"Uh—I, uh…Yeah. Kind of."

"Can we talk about this in person, tonight?"

"It's The Boss. She wants to send me to New Zealand."

"Oh."

"Tomorrow."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Hoseok rubs a hand over his cheek and closes his eyes, letting out a huff of air. Moments ago, he was somewhat content with everything, and now he feels stricken by regret. 

Namjoon sighs, and Hoseok braces himself, expecting the worst. Not that things could get much worse. 

"Well, I was going to take a trip home to visit my family in a few weeks, but maybe I'll push it up and leave this weekend."

"Oh?" 

Hoseok finds this news surprising; he had no idea Namjoon had been planning another trip home. Not that Ilsan is far at all, but typically, Hoseok travels with his husband. 

"Yeah. I just think I need a breather after everything that has happened, you know?"

Another breather. Only a few months ago, Namjoon went to Ilsan for a breather, and now he feels the need to go again?

"Alright," Hoseok responds, failing to sound positive. "That works out well, then."

A voice calls to Namjoon, and Hoseok's heart pounds heavily as Namjoon chuckles and says, away from the phone, "Sounds great, Yoon; be right there!" and then returns to Hoseok to say, "Lunch is here, so I am going to let you go. See you at home?"

Lunch with Soyoon. Soyoon brought Namjoon lunch. Hoseok does his best not to spiral.

"Alright. See ya," Hoseok mutters before hanging up and throwing himself down into his office chair. 

He wonders how things could get any more fucking cumbersome.

[Unknown]: Hoseok-ssi, this is KSJ. I have information on your boys. They have a reservation at the Park Hyatt in Sydney, with a checkout date of a next week Saturday. I hear the botanical garden is lovely this time of year.

Hoseok: When do they check in?

Hoseok watches as his message is never delivered. So communication with Seokjin is a one-way street. He supposes he can handle that. Briefly, his thumbs twitch as he considers calling the line he already had for the man, but if Seokjin is going out of his way to communicate through unknown numbers, Hoseok already knows he will not be reached on his main line.

Sydney is much closer to New Zealand than Perth, and Hoseok cannot help but wonder if this is no coincidence. But it has to be, right? There is no way Seokjin has managed to orchestrate another hit just to get him close to Australia. That seems ridiculous. Considering Seokjin never pressed Hoseok about the alleged and suspected charges, Hoseok wonders if he was never going to formally pursue a hit on the two men at all, but he just wanted Hoseok to pay attention to Park and Kim. 

It certainly does not seem impossible. Seokjin does not work for a government agency, but there is something about him…something that The Boss suspects. But what? Hoseok does find it quite interesting that both his target and his persons of interest seem to be making moves at the same time, and that hotel reservations are the specific pieces of information being fed to him by both his boss and Seokjin. Does Seokjin have some way of monitoring his correspondences? He is beginning to think like a conspiracy theorist.

Ever since Seokjin's visit, Hoseok has been spending less and less time watching the CCTV feeds. He no longer believes Yoongi and Jeongguk are likely to be in Japan. He knows it is foolish to think the two men in Australia could be them, but…what if? How else could they have disappeared without a trace?

By the time 6 PM rolls around, Hoseok shuts his monitor off, shoves his paperwork into his desk, and stands up, glancing around the office. Light dapples in through tall black and silver curtains, covering the room in a dreamy glow. 

Hoseok does not wish to ever return to this office. The more he takes in his surroundings, thinking about all the lives he has taken, and those he has lost, he feels a deep contempt and hatred, compounded by a sense of longing that almost settles into his bones like nostalgia.

He wonders if he would be better off never knowing Yoongi and Jeongguk. If he could turn back time, pursue a different line of work, and never cross their paths, he and Namjoon would not be so strained, and he would not be so set on disappearing completely. He is relieved that Namjoon is returning to Ilsan, to visit his family. He wonders if he should recommend Namjoon stays there a while longer. Possibly for good. 

With his face buried in his pillow for the second night in a row, Hoseok feels as if he may just be on the brink of total ascension. Soul leaving the body, and all that—enlightened beyond the realm of what is humanly imaginable. 

Namjoon fucks him slow and deep, pressing hard on the back of his head while his other hand grips the tip of Hoseok’s cock, squeezing any time he starts to feel close, as if Namjoon is hardwired to know precisely when he is ready to burst. 

Hoseok grips and claws at soft quilted fabric, breath ragged and hot, sticking to his skin as it condensates with nowhere else to go, suffocating him as his bliss ebbs and flows to high highs and abrupt stops. He could die like this. He practically begs Namjoon to press hard enough to cut off the flow of oxygen completely. 

“So fucking good for me,” Namjoon moans as he thrusts languidly. Two loads of his come squelch with every movement; Namjoon has been making Hoseok wait a long time before he can finish. Hoseok does not mind. “Gonna be so sore, you’ll feel me all the way to New Zealand, baby.”

Hoseok whimpers and squeezes the comforter harder, lamenting having to leave. He almost feels guilty for how quickly he knows he will forget about Namjoon the moment his feet touch new soil. Once he focuses on finding them, everything else will fade into obscurity. 

“On your back,” Namjoon mutters, voice sounding deep and broken as he pulls out and releases Hoseok’s cock, making him tremble and whine, feeling so terribly empty. 

Hoseok falls to his hip and takes a deep breath, keeping his eyes shut as he rolls onto his back. He squints his eyes open, blinking so as to not let in too much light, and Namjoon’s torso and neck come into view, flushed and covered in a layer of sweat. 

“Wanna look at you while I come inside you one last time,” Namjoon says, making Hoseok’s stomach churn from how final it all sounds, reminding him of the last time with Yoongi, when he said something similar. “Want to watch you come once more before you’re gone.”

“G-gone,” Hoseok mutters quietly, voice croaking around the word, throat raw from screaming into the pillow. 

Namjoon grips Hoseok’s hips to yank and press him into place, lines himself with Hoseok’s sore, used hole, then spits on Hoseok’s cock and grips it tightly, rolling his palm over the head. The pressure from orgasm after orgasm being denied has every touch feeling electric to the point of being painful, and Hoseok gasps and groans from the touch, pleasure-pain shooting through his limbs and festering deep in his guts. 

“So pretty,” Namjoon praises as he slowly fills Hoseok, pressing his thick length past each ring of abused and tired muscle. 

Hoseok whimpers and sobs, feeling too overwhelmed by the sight of his husband towering over and glaring down on him. Everything is too much, and Hoseok wishes he could return to being pressed face down. Suffocation would certainly be easier on the heart. 

With a deep, rumbly groan, Namjoon pulls back and thrusts forward quickly, causing Hoseok's entire body to freeze, spine locked in an arch, as a sob quakes through him and trembles from between his lips. He is suddenly so dreadfully close to the edge and already beyond the point of overstimulation. 

"You gonna come already, baby?" Namjoon teases, rolling his palm over Hoseok's cock while he pulls back and thrusts forward, back and forward, picking up a pace much steadier than anything he has done for the past incomprehensible amount of time. 

"I'm—" Hoseok sobs, squeezing his eyes closed as Namjoon thrusts deep and opening them widely when he pulls back. "Yes."

"Good boy."

Hoseok whimpers as Namjoon continues to fuck him, and his heels dig uselessly against the blue comforter, unable to find a stable position. His legs are restless, but he lacks the energy to hold them in place, instead clawing at the blanket with both hands, down at his sides. 

"T-too much," Hoseok whines, knowing that if he really needs Namjoon to slow or stop, that he will have to use his safeword, not wanting to. 

Namjoon knits his brows and juts out his lip into a mock pout, responding, "You can take it, baby," in a tone dripping with mirth, making Hoseok want to cry. 

Hoseok is not entirely sure he can take it. His entire body begins to stiffen and convulse against the mattress as sharp, overwhelming waves of horrible pleasure rock through him, pulling him asunder. Close. So, terribly close. 

"So good for me," Namjoon groans, giving Hoseok's cock a firm, nearly painful squeeze. "For me and only me,"

"Only you…" Hoseok mutters as his eyes roll back and he succumbs to innumerous feelings, trembling and sobbing as the pleasure bursts and overcomes him.

"That's it," Namjoon groans, voice sounding affected—broken around the edges.

Hoseok paints himself in release, spraying his neck, chest, and tummy, aided by Namjoon's insistent fist. Much to his demise, Namjoon's hips speed up, shooting blinding amounts of pleasure-pain through him. It hurts—it hurts to the extent of Hoseok nearly calling his safeword and begging Namjoon to stop. The oxygen feels pressed sharply from his lungs, and he squeezes his eyes closed so hard, his head begins to ache.

"Joon…" he mutters, voice barely audible over the slap of skin against sweaty skin. "Pl–please, baby…hurts…"

With a loud, long groan, Namjoon's hips still and tremble, and he pulls from Hoseok's stretched, aching hole and sprays his come over Hoseok's thigh, tummy, and deflating cock, droplets compared to his earlier loads, but still more than Hoseok would expect. The fluids instantly begin to cool, along with the sweat that covers him, and Hoseok's shoulders and chest tense as he begins to shiver. 

"God damn," Namjoon gasps, leaning forward on one hand propped beside Hoseok's hip while he squeezes his cock in the other. "Fuck. Look at you, shivering and covered in come. Such a pretty fuck toy, baby."

The impulse to cry returns, and Hoseok attempts to blink it away, feeling a trembling exhale work its way through his chest and throat. 

"C-cold," he whines, making Namjoon chuckle.

"Alright, let's get you into a hot shower," Namjoon says in a tone that is flat, possibly verging on annoyance, though Hoseok could be imagining it.

Namjoon leaves the room and makes his way to the bathroom. Lazily, Hoseok drops his head to the side and watches as his husband's ass flexes and relaxes—perky and soft. The sound of the faucet turning on makes Hoseok groan, and he sits up slowly, feeling his muscles settle somewhat painfully from being fucked so hard and for so long. 

When Namjoon returns, he appears exasperated. His lips are tugged down into a frown, and he looks everywhere but at Hoseok, even as he approaches and scoops him up bridal style to take into the bathroom. Despite the feeling of discomfort that engulfs and settles down into his bones, Hoseok leans into Namjoon, shivering against his warm skin, and Namjoon squeezes him a bit in response. 

"I'll miss you, Seok," Namjoon mutters as they enter the bathroom. 

And although Hoseok knows Namjoon must only be talking about missing him while Hoseok is away on his work trip, the way he says it feels heavy. Matched with the way he was speaking moments ago about fucking him one last time, Hoseok's mind races. What if he returns and Namjoon has decided to move on, leaving him alone in this home? He knows he deserves it. 

"I'll miss you too, Joonie," Hoseok responds solemnly, thankful to be set beside the shower so that he can step into the tub, allowing the steam and water to greet him—warm and welcoming, and a cover for his tears. 

Hoseok is beginning to stir, letting the early morning sunlight break through, turning his dreams into distant blurs that are slowly wiping from his mind. He hardly makes sense of Namjoon's voice sweetly saying, "Rise and shine, baby," until delicate touches against his forehead and cheek bring the waking world more quickly into focus. 

"Hmm?" Hoseok grumbles, stretching his legs out, followed by his arms, which he lifts over his head. 

"You have a long trip ahead of you, so I thought I would head to work a little late and see you off," Namjoon responds low and close, leaving warm breath after each word to ghost over Hoseok's face. 

Namjoon smells minty and sweet, and Hoseok would chase his lips to have a taste, if only his own breath weren't putrid from sleep. Slowly, Hoseok opens his eyes, squinting as he adjusts to the light. Namjoon has opened the curtains, and although the sun has yet to fully rise, it is more than Hoseok is used to when he wakes.

"What would my husband like for breakfast?" Namjoon asks, and Hoseok nearly pinches himself to check that he is awake, after all. 

"Coffee and an omelet?" Hoseok responds, voice still raw from overuse. 

With a hum, Namjoon kisses Hoseok on the forehead, then makes his way from the bedroom. Hoseok groans and stretches once more, then he sits up, digging his palms into the mattress while the pain in his ass radiates through him, making him hiss. Namjoon certainly fulfilled his promise to make him sore, and he hopes the eleven-hour plane ride is not too painful.

Hoseok sits a moment, gathering his thoughts and allowing his brain to fully catch up to being awake. Then he slowly swings his legs over the edge of the mattress while pushing away the comforter, and sets his feet onto the floor. It feels like only yesterday, Hoseok could barely manage this much movement without feeling intense bursts of blinding pain radiating from his side, and he stares at his feet, grateful for mobility. And for community. Although getting wrapped up in Yoongi and Jeongguk's mess was what got him shot in the first place, Hoseok is grateful to have had them by his and Namjoon's side while he recovered. He thinks about that incident often.

As Hoseok gets out of bed and makes his way to the closet, the smell of coffee slowly permeates the air, hitting his nose. He takes a deep, slow inhale and smiles on each exhale while finding an undershirt and suit for the day—all black, of course. He can faintly hear the sounds of kitchenware, and he gets dressed a little quicker than usual, excited to have breakfast with his husband. 

He promises himself that once he completes the job in New Zealand and confirms his suspicions in Australia, he will be ready to move on and be devoted once more to Namjoon. Although he misses Yoongi and Jeongguk terribly, he feels certain that he is finally at peace with whatever mess transpired between the four of them being over. Enough time has passed, and he does not crave Yoongi the way he used to. 

He will miss occupying Jeongguk's body, but his main concern is that the two of them are still alive. He can deal with the possibility of them being in different vessels if and when the time comes. He just needs to see that they are alive. Perhaps losing the temptation of their former bodies will put everything to rest. 

"Ready, Seok!" Namjoon shouts from downstairs, and Hoseok smiles wide, nibbling on his lower lip. He wonders how he got so lucky to run into Namjoon all those years ago at that shitty college party. He wonders if Namjoon feels lucky sometimes, too. 

"Coming," Hoseok responds, though not too loud. 

He snakes a belt through the loops of his slacks and begins to buckle it, catching his reflection in the mirror. His hair is beginning to grow too long, the back falling below his ears, but he likes the way it frames his face, shaggy and a bit unkempt. 

Hoseok pulls a black blazer from its hanger and drapes it over his arm, then approaches his mahogany jewelry box, lifting the lid and pulling out his favorite Rolex—a black watch face with silver details and a silver band. Then he makes his way from his bedroom, to the stairs. 

Part of him feels sentimental about leaving, but he is too excited about breakfast to let that weigh on him too heavily. He will have to bear the burden of his choices eventually, but for now, Namjoon is waiting for him. And considering the chance that Namjoon might not be here when he returns, Hoseok knows that he needs to appreciate every moment that he can, right now. 

As he walks down the stairs, he notices his suitcase is already down on the landing, and he smiles to himself. Namjoon really has thought of everything, it seems. A relief, considering Hoseok had forgotten to grab it, too busy being wrapped up in his thoughts. The air smells of coffee and melted butter, and Hoseok reaches the bottom of the staircase with a pep in his step and spins in socked feet toward the kitchen. 

Namjoon stands in a black hoodie and sweatpants, which is an uncharacteristic sight, and Hoseok wonders just how much later he plans to go into work, almost making a joke about casual Friday being far more casual than he remembers. He tries not to think of the familiar attire on Yoongi and Jeongguk, but it feels impossible, and he sighs as he smiles and allows his husband to pull him into a hug.

"How long do you expect to be away?" Namjoon asks with his lips pressed to Hoseok's temple. 

Truthfully, Hoseok has no idea. As long as his target is where The Boss says he is, Hoseok could have his actual mission complete by tomorrow. But as for when he will return home…

"Hopefully no longer than a week," Hoseok responds with a sigh, considering the possibility of needing the entire week to search for Jimin and Taehyung. "A week from Sunday, at the latest."

Namjoon plants a kiss on Hoseok's cheek, then steps back and motions for him to have a seat. His breakfast is going to be cold, but Hoseok hardly cares as he lets his fingertips linger on the soft black cotton before pulling away. 

At the sight of only one plate, Hoseok feels a bit sad; he had hoped that he and Namjoon would share a meal before he leaves. But Namjoon does have a seat across from him, cradling a white ceramic mug of steaming coffee, and Hoseok decides that is good enough.

"I might still be in Ilsan when you return," Namjoon says, pulling Hoseok's attention and making him hum. "I'll keep you posted, though."

Hoseok grabs his coffee cup and lifts it to his lips, muttering, "Alright," before taking a sip of the steaming, bitter liquid. Then he sets the mug down and eats his omelet, rushing through it just a tad so that he can round the table, straddle Namjoon's thighs, and get back to hugging and kissing him before he finally has to leave.

"Do we have time to fuck?" Namjoon asks against Hoseok's lips, breath smelling like coffee while his candor takes him by surprise. 

"I don't think I could handle it," Hoseok responds, rubbing his fingertips over Namjoon's neck. His ass is far more sore than he would care to admit.

"What if I already stretched myself with a plug this morning?" Namjoon asks, rubbing his palms down Hoseok's chest and stomach before gripping onto his thighs. 

Hoseok gasps. "Oh?"

Namjoon hums in response and begins to palm over Hoseok's crotch, sending blood flooding to the warmth left by his touch. If Namjoon is already prepped, they should have time for a quickie.

"Alright," Hoseok says, checking his watch to confirm he has about twenty minutes until he has to leave. "I want you naked and on your knees, on the couch."

Hoseok sits up straight and gets onto his feet, taking in the sight of Namjoon disheveled and flushed, lounging back against his wooden dining room chair. 

He steps back, giving him space as Namjoon nods, smiles, and mutters, "Yes, daddy."

Thanks to the aid of prescription medication, most of the eleven-hour and twenty-five-minute flight goes by in a blink of an eye. Hoseok wakes up drowsy and stretches as the plane skids over the tarmac, slowing to a taxi while the sun shines brightly into the small windows. He has never been to New Zealand before, and although he is interested in taking in the scenery, his brain has not fully logged back on.

Beside him, across the tiny aisle, The Boss sits staring out her window with a glass of white wine in her hand, dangling by the stem between two manicured fingers. She must sense Hoseok is awake, because without turning to look at him, she says, "I have confirmation on the…information…that I began to share with you, yesterday."

"Oh?" Hoseok asks through a yawn.

The Boss hums. "As you recall, it is in regards to Seokjin. I fear that once I share this information with you, you might do something irrational."

"Try me," Hoseok responds, already feeling fed up with her tone. 

The plane slows to a stop, and outside workers are positioning a metal ladder outside while an attendant begins to open the door from the inside. The Boss drinks back the last of her wine and holds the empty glass out for another attendant to walk by and grab, then she unbuckles her seatbelt, stands, and smooths her hands over her long black dress—another fit for a funeral.

"Kim Seokjin is a Jeon," The Boss says simply. 

Hoseok's head races, though he already knows what she is trying to tell him. The resemblance between Seokjin and Jeongguk was hard to miss. 

She continues, "A Jeon who is not eager for his father to be assassinated, I suspect. Hence attempting to pull you off of his little brother's trail to focus on a fake job."

Or, Hoseok thinks, he is eager to get his little brother back. Perhaps he assumed that once Hoseok came into contact with his targets, he would know that one of them is Jeongguk in a new body. Maybe he does want his father to be assassinated; he seems quite a bit older than Jeongguk. Perhaps whatever his father is in charge of, Seokjin will be next in line for. He could even be throwing Jeongguk under the bus, hoping for the kid to do his dirty work. 

"Interesting," Hoseok responds as he undoes his seatbelt and stands. 

Hoseok begins to make his way to the exit, already finished with this conversation. Now he definitely wants to get this job finished as quickly as possible so he can get onto a red-eye to Sydney. 

"I recommend you stay away from him," The Boss adds, but Hoseok does not stop, only mutters, "Got it."

"I mean it, Hoseok-ssi," she continues. "Last we heard, he was laying low in Tokyo. Whatever it is he seems to be running away from, it could have something to do with the Korean government. He could be working with Yakuza."

Hoseok nods and exits the airplane, squinting as the sunlight fully permeates his vision. He is tired and grumpy, and he just wants to get jumped and take care of his client. The Boss is close behind, footfalls clicking against the metal ladder as Hoseok reaches the bottom, and he heads toward a black car, anticipating The Boss to climb into the front seat. 

Hoseok opens the door behind the driver and gets into the car, then shuts it and takes in the smell of artificial leather that has undoubtedly been sprayed, perhaps to give an air of newness or importance. Once The Boss gets into the front seat, a staff member places their luggage into the trunk and closes it, then the car takes off. 

"We are going to take you straight to the target host and get you in and out quickly," The Boss states. 

Music to Hoseok's ears. 

"Sounds good," Hoseok mutters as he closes his eyes and rests his head back. 

With any luck, he may be able to avoid checking into the hotel altogether. 

Although it is possible to jump into the body of a person who has been knocked out, The Boss prefers not to go that route. Depending on the method used to knock out a host, their body may be sluggish, and that is the last thing an assassin needs. So when Hoseok shows up to the penthouse of some fancy hotel to find a man bound to a chair and whimpering into a gag, he sighs. 

Of course, he agrees with The Boss, and prefers his hosts to be as alert as possible, but jumping into the body of a man who has been struggling enough to break out into a sweat is also not optimal. Not only is he risking feeling soreness, but he is going to have to clean the man enough to make him presentable to the target, which is a hassle. 

Without skipping a beat, Hoseok approaches the hotel bed and pulls off his black blazer, draping it over the back of a nearby empty chair before taking a seat and swinging his legs up. He lays his head into the receiver, then reaches back to uncork his implant and plug himself in. The metal feels cold as it slides past his skin, though he cannot feel anything once it enters the receptor nestled in his brain. 

"Ready?" The Boss calls, and Hoseok closes his eyes and hums before saying, "Ready."

"Jumping in 3…2…"

A ringing can be heard before everything goes black and then white. 

It always feels weird to wake up in someone else's body. The discombobulation of space and time, adjusting for hand-eye coordination in a new skinsuit with different length limbs and overall proportions, acclimating as quickly as possible to carry out the tasks at hand. 

But he always adjusts quickly because he is the best. 

Nobody is better than Jung Hoseok.

When Hoseok opens the host's eyes, he feels the soreness in the man's biceps and thighs from being bound to the wooden chair, and he closes the host's eyes and sighs, doing his best to relax the man's muscles while the team checks to make sure it is, in fact, Hoseok jumped into his skin.

"Birthday?" a man asks as the cloth is pulled down away from Hoseok's host's mouth. 

"Nineteen ninety-four, eighteen, two."

"And your spouse?" The man asks.

Hoseok clicks the host's tongue against the roof of his mouth and mutters, "Keep my husband out of this."

The man looks past Hoseok, undoubtedly to The Boss, who must give him a signal to accept the answer. 

Hoseok is untied from the chair and stands, stretching the long, heavy limbs with the hope of relieving some tension. 

"Your host and the target have a dinner reservation at the restaurant downstairs," The Boss informs as Hoseok cracks his host's neck and stretches the arms out once more. "All we need you to do is get the man into a car afterward. How you manage that is up to you, as long as it does not cause a scene."

Before falling asleep on the airplane, Hoseok watched a video compilation of the two men interacting and determined that the target is pretty easily persuaded by the host, who goes by the name of Ahn Ilseong. The target—a man named Choi Giseok—is a lawyer who has been taking bribes from some pretty high-profile clients, recently assisting in the building of an apartment complex that will cover what the Korean government believes to be a burial grounds for a now-defunct gang whose operators are still lurking in the shadows of Seoul. 

After the discovery of two bodies, detectives have been working around the clock to catch those in charge and put a stop to the building operations, but the man Hoseok meets with today has been influential in covering everyone's tracks. 

While taking hush money, Choi has been approving building codes and ordinances for the construction of that building, despite the place being an active crime scene, using his power and influence to secure a certain police chief who Choi has promised to help make a mayor, right into his pocket. Hence the hit placed on his head; taking down a lawyer is far easier than taking down the police, but Hoseok expects this case to extend into their precinct, should this job not send a clear enough message.

Hoseok approaches his own body, which lies unconscious on the bed, and rummages through his front pocket to grab his cell phone. Then he types in his passcode and makes his way to the suite's bathroom to clean up while he replays videos of the host to watch for mannerisms and listen for speech patterns. 

This time frame is a little tight and not ideal, but he is confident he can figure it out. Worst case scenario, he drugs the man and makes it appear as though he is too drunk and needs to be escorted out to a car. It does not quite fit the whole not-making-a-scene profile, but it is a plausible enough scenario. 

Once Hoseok has the host's face washed and hair combed with enough dry shampoo to rid the sweaty and disheveled appearance he found him in, Hoseok bids The Boss farewell and makes his way down to the lobby with ten minutes to spare before their reservation. 

Choi Giseok is already at the bar when Hoseok arrives, and he approaches on the man's right side, slinging an arm over his shoulder, doing his best not to gag from the overwhelming stench of cigar smoke, sweat, and booze. Much to Hoseok's delight, he seems to be on his way to being wasted. 

"Starting without me?" Hoseok chides, as he looks down at the man's drink and back to his face. 

Choi squints at him, and for a split moment, Hoseok worries that already he may be blowing his own cover. He is, after all, a little rusty from not working as much as he used to. Perhaps his studies were not thorough enough. 

"Ahn, you son of a bitch!" Choi finally slurs, setting Hoseok's mind at ease. "Have a drink with me, and then we will sit down to dinner and discuss the deal, yeah?"

"Yeah," Hoseok responds with a crooked smile, breathing in through the host's mouth in an attempt to avoid Choi's stench as he settles on the stool beside him. He waves down the tender, orders one of "whatever he's having," and sets the night in motion. 

It takes exactly two hours of listening to the old man babble bullshit, eating steak, and drinking whiskey before Hoseok is able to get him into a car on its way to the airport. He does not even put up a fuss; hardly seeming cognizant of where he is. Easy peasy. 

The walk back through the hotel lobby and to the elevators is a bit rushed and stumbly due to his attempts to keep up with Choi's unrelenting need to drink and drink. He wastes no time, feeling the host's pulse spike as he makes his way back to the penthouse suite, to his body.

By the time Hoseok is back in his own skin, he feels restless. Two men drug a very combative Ahn Ilseong and drag him out while Hoseok smooths his jacket down with his palms. The thrill of completing a task feels duller than usual, and he checks his Rolex to find that it is already after 8 PM. He is quite tired, but not enough to stay on this island. He needs to get to Australia. 

"I trust that we have someone waiting for these men back home to carry out the rest of the mission," Hoseok says, pretending to adjust his silver cufflinks while ignoring the way The Boss must be glaring at him. 

"And why would you assume such a thing?" she asks after a few tense seconds of silence. 

"Your description of the job only included jumping and getting the man into custody," Hoseok says, glancing up to find her squinting at him with her hands on her hips. "There was no mention of me carrying out the assassination."

"And just who the fuck else will carry it out?" The Boss snaps.

Hoseok fights the urge to laugh—this really should not strike him as funny, but he is mentally and emotionally checked out. 

"Any of the other men," Hoseok responds, lifting a brow and dropping his hands to his sides. "We have a whole team."

The Boss studies him for a moment, then crosses her arms tightly over her chest before asking, "You're going to Australia, aren't you?"

"That is correct," Hoseok responds; he figures he may as well be honest.

"Hoseok—" she begins, but he cuts her off. 

"I think it's them. At the very least, I need to see for myself."

"And if they're not?" The Boss challenges, cocking her head to the side. 

Hoseok drops his gaze to the forest green carpet and shrugs. 

"If they're not, then they're not. Either way, I will be home in a few days."

"I thought I told you to stay away from Seokjin," she tries, and Hoseok senses a tremble in her voice. 

"This isn't about Seokjin. This is about Yoongi and Jeongguk. I need to go."

The Boss does not say anything at first, and Hoseok hovers for a few beats before deciding he would like to get to the airport as quickly as he can. He unlocks his phone and searches for whether or not New Zealand has Uber, then navigates to the app and calls for a car to the airport. 

"I won't send you there with the company's fuel," The Boss says, possibly as a last-ditch effort to make Hoseok change his mind. He hadn't planned on using the private jet in the first place.

Hoseok lifts his phone and turns the screen toward The Boss, showing her the Uber app with a map open. A little black car symbol is at the far bottom of the screen, connected to a dot where the hotel is by a long, winding black line. 

"Already have it figured out," he says.

"Alright," The Boss concedes. "But be careful."

With a hum, Hoseok takes his leave. 

A car is thirteen minutes away, but Hoseok has no desire to stay inside the suite a moment longer than he needs to, so he straightens his suit jacket once more and makes for the door, stopping to extend the handle of his black rolling suitcase and gripping tightly to it as he flings the door open and away from him. There is a light, lingering stench of perfume in the air—something too sweet to be considered pleasant—and Hoseok scrunches his nose as he walks through the empty hallway, shoes sinking into forest green carpeting as he makes his way toward the elevator. 

Guilt pangs through Hoseok's chest as a sense of déjà vu hits him. Hotel hallways with ill intentions, acting as a liminal space between where he should be headed and where he wants to be. 

He should at least message Namjoon to let him know he is thinking about him. 

By the time Hoseok reaches the elevator, his heart pounds with anticipation. What if he finds Park and Kim and discovers they are two men in their own bodies, actually running from the Korean government? What if Seokjin is setting him up to be captured or killed? What if his suspicions are correct but Yoongi and Jeongguk, in these shiny new bodies, want nothing to do with him?

Hoseok wonders if this would be the first time Yoongi has permanently jumped into someone else's body. Is it something he does regularly? What kinds of horrible secrets could he be hiding? 

The doors of the elevator grind open and pull Hoseok from his thoughts. Had he pushed a call button? He hardly remembers approaching the lift at all, but it is empty when he steps in, so he must have called for it. With a sigh, Hoseok hits the first-floor button and pulls out his phone, checking to see that the car is seven minutes away.

Hoseok opens his search engine and begins to see if there are any flights that leave for Sydney tonight. Depending on how quickly he can get to the airport, he might be able to catch a flight immediately. Otherwise, he will have to wait several hours. 

As the elevator doors open, Hoseok stands tall and makes his way into the lobby, eyes ahead on the dark sky just outside the glass doors and wall. No detail of the space lingers long enough in Hoseok's periphery to make it out; only the vague memory of light marble, dark upholstered chairs, and matching carpeting cross his mind before fading to obscurity. 

The cool night air instantly chills Hoseok as he steps outside. He shivers and pulls his phone out, checking to see that the Uber driver is four minutes away, and that he should be pulling right up to the doors. Then he glances around, and instead of finding a bench to sit on, he decides to make his way over to an empty stretch of wall to lean against it.

Hoseok wishes he had a cigarette—an urge he does not have often. Nicotine would be nice at a time like this. 

As Hoseok waits, he stares ahead at the ground—black and dark grey and somewhat foreboding under the glow of the yellow lights coming off the hotel. There is a part of him that almost hopes that the driver does not get him to the airport on time for the soonest flight, just so that he can sit with his thoughts and prolong the inevitable, but he knows that if that does become the case, his thoughts could very well eat him alive. 

For weeks, he has been a shell of a man searching and waiting and worrying. He needs closure. He needs to at least try.

Hoseok's phone dings to alert him that the black Honda Civic is approaching, and he looks up to find a car that fits the description pulling into the round driveway in front of the hotel. Hoseok straightens out, confirms the license plate number, then makes his way to the vehicle. When the driver gets out after popping his trunk, Hoseok allows the man to take his suitcase and place it inside, then he slides into the back seat on the passenger side and takes in the stench of fake leather that reminds him of the ride over from the airport this morning. 

"Alright, mister…" the driver says in a thick, somewhat unfamiliar English-speaking accent as Hoseok puts on his seatbelt and the man stares at his phone, undoubtedly trying to make sense of a Korean name. 

"Hoseok," Hoseok mutters while rolling his eyes to gaze out the window to his right. 

The driver hums and says, "Off to the airport, I see," then waits for a beat, possibly for Hoseok to respond, before driving off. 

Thankfully, they are not too far from the destination, because the stink of the fake leather is beginning to give Hoseok a headache. He is feeling extremely cranky and he just wants to be on his way. Opening the window for a moment blasts cold air into his face and he quickly rolls it back up with a huff before spacing out once more. 

New Zealand seems like a neat place, he thinks. But he has no desire to be here. 

It takes them a little while to get up to the correct doors, but once the car is pulled up to the curb, Hoseok gets out and makes his way quickly to the trunk, which pops open. The driver only halfway gets out of the car before Hoseok can slam the trunk shut and mutter a quick, "Thanks," and then he sets the wheels of the suitcase onto the ground and hastily makes his way into the airport.

Lines are short, and Hoseok approaches a kind-looking older lady, and says, in English, "I am hoping to get onto a flight to Sydney, please."

The transaction takes all of ten minutes, with Hoseok wheeling off to the security line, which moves quicker than he expects. The bad news is that the soonest flight to Sydney is already too soon for the attendant to have issued him a seat in good faith, and Hoseok tells himself that he is relieved not to have to sprint through an unfamiliar airport. The good news is that the bar near his gate is open late, and boy, is Hoseok thirsty. 

Approaching a bar and being spoken to in English takes Hoseok momentarily off-guard. He had just been speaking English to the woman at the counter to get a flight ticket, but something about ordering a drink from a tender—an action he has performed many times—feels strange to do in another language. But he spots a familiar bottle of whiskey and orders a glass, easing quickly into the interaction. 

Since he has several hours to kill, and the airport bar is pretty empty of patrons, Hoseok decides to strike up conversation. The tender is pretty cute, and he finds Hoseok's accent charming, and Hoseok thinks there are worse ways to kill a few hours. 

The moment Hoseok wakes up—jolted from the feeling of the plane touching down—he yawns and squeezes his eyes closed before opening them wide. Then he switches his phone from airplane mode and watches as notifications pour in. Two are from Namjoon, letting him know that he is on his way to Ilsan and that he hopes everything is going well for Hoseok, and one from an unknown number. 

[Unknown]: Your boys have been spotted at a popular nightclub not too far from the hotel. Will attach the location. They may be there again tonight. 

Hoseok does not bother to try responding, assuming his number has already been blocked. Seokjin must have some way of knowing that he has traveled, so whatever it is the man does for a living, he seems to at least have friends in high enough places. Perhaps even someone working with the bureau for which Seokjin lied about being employed. 

As the plane pulls to its designated spot, anxiety takes over. Hoseok suddenly has no idea what he is doing or why he thought coming to Australia would be a good idea. There is a chance that he will find nothing. But, even if he does find what he is looking for, he acknowledges that it may very well be just another action on his long list of malfeasances against his marriage vows. Try as he might to convince himself that he is ready to move on, he is unsure how he might feel if he meets Park and Kim. 

He is also anxious because he has to urinate. After several glasses of whiskey and a couple dealer's choice drinks concocted by the bartender that tasted like glorified Manhattans, Hoseok used the bathroom once shortly after takeoff and immediately passed out with his head against the window. It was a relief, at the time, to find he had the row of seats to himself, having the freedom to get up and move around as needed, but he had not used the freedom he had been granted. 

It takes entirely too long to exit the plane, standing hunched over in his seat while his bladder screams and everyone files out as slowly as humanly possible, some fumbling with overhead compartments and others trying to wrangle children. There is truly nothing worse than a commercial flight, Hoseok is certain of it. 

The first order of business is making a beeline to a bathroom the moment he steps from the jetway and onto solid floor. Hoseok groans as he situates himself before a urinal, practically moaning from relief as he empties his bladder. He is still somewhat drunk from earlier, and he has the overwhelming urge to either curl up and go to sleep, or keep drinking. Luckily, it is the middle of the night, leaving Hoseok with only one option. 

A plus side to his government job is that Hoseok almost never has trouble booking a hotel. Regardless of the continent, people feel adamant to accommodate him the moment he flashes his government-issued identification card and winning smile. So when Hoseok calls the Park Hyatt, he is pleased that even over the phone at this ungodly hour, he is able to secure a room. It takes some convincing to allow him to check in immediately, rather than waiting for a more appropriate time, and Hoseok absolutely does make some shit up about it being official government duty, and that, if he likes, he could get someone local on the phone. 

"That won't be necessary, sir," is music to Hoseok's ears as he speeds through the airport down to baggage claim. 

By the time he hails a cab and sinks into the leather backseat, the weight of everything begins to press on him heavily. Hoseok is exhausted. He cannot wait to sleep. Tomorrow, his search begins. 

Despite his exhaustion, Hoseok hardly sleeps a wink. The sun rises mere hours after he lays down, and although the curtains do an okay job of blocking out the sunlight, by 8 AM he is wide awake. He decides to take a shower and then find something to eat. If Park and Kim have been spotted clubbing, then Hoseok assumes they may also be the types to sleep late. And if they are Yoongi and Jeongguk occupying new bodies, it is likely they will order room service rather than venture out to a diner or café. 

Still, Hoseok dresses in more casual clothing than usual and begins looking for somewhere local with a cup of coffee. At the very least, he wants to get a sense of the neighborhood, and take a walk along various paths that would lead him to and from the location Seokjin said they were spotted at. 

Wearing a simple black tee tucked into black skinny jeans with a black leather belt and chelsea boots, Hoseok covers the bottom half of his face with a black mask and heads down to the lobby. His room is on the third floor, a far cry from the penthouse and executive suites he has grown accustomed to, but the tan and white furnished room is sleek and luxurious, and still roomy enough for one person to spend a few nights. 

Although he knows there is no chance of spotting either of them in the hallway, he still looks over his shoulder, turning his head each time he hears another voice. The lobby is surprisingly crowded, and he glances around for two men roughly Yoongi and Jeongguk's height but with lighter brown and blond hair, not finding anyone who may look Korean. 

Hoseok is so distracted walking through the lobby glancing around at everyone, that he bumps into someone, causing them to drop their phone in a clatter against the white marble floor. The person scrambles, and Hoseok bends instinctively to pick up what was dropped, nearly colliding with the other person's forehead. 

"Shit, sorry," Hoseok mutters in English, bowing his head as he walks away, not looking the person in the eyes. He is too tired, and his pulse is spiked too high. He needs some fresh air. 

As soon as he exits the hotel, the scenery does not seem too promising in terms of finding any kind of city life, with the hotel sitting on a harbor. But, evidently, there are several cafés and nightlife spots a short distance away, so Hoseok walks in the other direction from the waterfront. 

The weather is nice, and Hoseok takes note of the nearby botanical garden that Seokjin mentioned days ago. He cannot help but think about the gardens in Osaka the day that everything truly started between the four of them, for better and for worse. 

It only takes about five minutes to find a café, and he orders an Americano and sits near the window to survey the passersby and try to clear his head. Memorizing patterns and behavior is his job; this should be no problem, as long as Park and Kim are actually Yoongi and Jeongguk. It has to be them; he just knows it.

Once Hoseok drinks his coffee, he heads out past the nightclub, surveying more clubs and bars, judging them on whether he thinks Yoongi and Jeongguk would be likely to patronize. He even takes a stroll through the botanical garden with the hope of organizing his thoughts, but it feels like an impossible task. The more Hoseok settles into the neighborhood and lets the possibility of finding them sink in, the higher his nervousness builds. 

He stops somewhere for food, just to get a sandwich and quell his hunger, then makes his way back to the hotel, deciding that perhaps he will eat in his room, then sit down at the bar for a drink. Even if he is at the bar by himself, he does not wish to be alone, especially in his quiet hotel room. 

Later in the evening, Hoseok settles in against the marble countertop of the hotel bar and sips at a glass of neat whiskey. Although he tells himself he is not intentionally on the lookout for the two of them, he checks over his shoulders every so often. So much so that the bartender asks if he is waiting for someone. 

"Hmm," Hoseok considers the question, then shrugs as he says, "Kind of."

After several drinks, Hoseok is groggy while walking to the nightclub. He arrives late enough for it to be packed, and does a round to the bar, glancing at the swarms of patrons before standing with a drink in hand and his eyes on the crowd. Once his drink is gone, he sets his empty glass on the counter and heads to the dancefloor to blow off some steam. 

Strangers approach him to flirt, and he even allows a cute woman to wrap her arms around his shoulders and attempt to seduce him, going so far as to move his hips invitingly for a song or two. But everything feels empty and a little distracting, and he excuses himself to the bar, wishing her a good night before she can join him. After another drink, he stumbles back to the hotel, feeling worse for wear emotionally; drunk and very much wrapped up in his feelings. At least he is so exhausted that by the time his head hits the pillow, he is out like a light.

The second day is much the same. He takes a late lunch walking through the neighborhood, then through the botanical gardens and back, only to wind up bar hopping before landing at the same club as the night before. He drinks and dances alone, turning down strangers looking for a little fun. Then he stumbles back to his hotel alone, falling asleep before he has a chance to let everything weigh him down any further. 

The third and fourth days are much the same, leading Hoseok absolutely nowhere. He thinks he sees chestnut hair on a build that could resemble Jeongguk at the botanical garden, but loses the man in a crowd before he can get closer, and then he hops from night club to night club, tumbling into bed drunk and disappointed each night earlier than the night before.

Hoseok almost does not leave his room on the fifth day, feeling a level of depression that is almost foreign to him. Never before has he felt so bogged down by hopelessness that all he can do is stare at the wall, with the exception of recovering from getting shot. Not since college, anyway. He wonders if his methods are failing because he is not likely to find Park and Kim where he would expect to find his friends. He worries they might actually not be his friends, after all.

Deciding that the route he has been taking for the last two days is not the correct one, Hoseok decides to head down to the pool for a little while and swim some laps. He is bored beyond belief, wishing he had a way to contact Seokjin and ask for more information. If he has a way of knowing Park and Kim have been to that nightclub, then he should be able to see other activity, so why is he staying silent? 

Hoseok slides on a pair of salmon-colored swim shorts and puts on a white tee. The walk to the pool is winding and confusing, and by the time Hoseok reaches his destination, he is practically ready to turn back and return to his room, exasperated to the point of muttering under his breath. The sunlight coming in through the tall glass walls is too bright, the sounds of voices and shoes echoing through the marble corridors are all too loud, and Hoseok is fed up. 

When he enters the pool area, there are two people sitting in the hot tub, a blond and a brunette, and Hoseok actually stops in his tracks, wondering if it could be them. One of them laughs, and the sound is so bright and sweet but also hauntingly deep, and it echoes delightfully over the largely otherwise empty space, bouncing off the water. Hoseok watches for a moment, but they stay huddled close together, and, from what little he can glean from their conversation, they seem to be speaking in English. 

So he removes his shirt and shoes near a chair and heads for the deep end. Without giving it any thought, he throws his hands over his head and dives in. The water is simultaneously surprisingly cold and peacefully warm, waking up every inch of him, covering him in goosebumps and shrouding him in weightless comfort. He swims ahead as far as he can before his lungs begin to sting, signaling for him to come up for air. When he breaches the surface, the two people who were in the hot tub are gone, leaving him alone. 

Hoseok nearly gives up. After swimming, he has the urge to search for flights back home and check out a couple days early. Something about this trip feels so empty and fruitless. He wonders whether, in his search for them, they have found him, and now they are hiding. Paranoia sinks in, and he begins to worry that the two in the pool earlier could really have been Jimin and Taehyung.

After showering, Hoseok puts on a white tee tucked into blue jeans, with a black jacket over top that has a floral pattern of pinks, blues, and whites. He decides that he will need to have a drink to gain the courage to leave, so he slides on his boots and heads down to the bar. This time, while he boards the elevator and walks through the lobby, he does not look for any familiar faces. This time, he stares ahead, at the boring white floor, attempting to talk himself into giving up and going home. 

The bar appears packed when he approaches, so he leans with his elbow against the strip of space he manages to squeeze into, orders a glass of whiskey neat, and then steps away from the bar to lean against an equally boring marble pillar. Hoseok stares down into the caramel liquid as he swirls his glass, letting the scent of it waft into his nose.

This was a mistake, he thinks. Coming to Australia was a mistake.

Laughter breaks through the crowd, and Hoseok thinks that it sounds just like the one he heard in the pool earlier. His head perks up automatically, searching for the source of the laugh. He has no idea why, he just feels...drawn to it. 

Briefly, he glances around, but he does not see anyone who such an angelic sound may have come from. That is, until someone who had been hunched over the bar stands up straight and turns his way.

The man who locks eyes with Hoseok is so beautiful, he struggles to comprehend it fully. His features are somehow razor sharp and pillow soft, plush and inviting. The man watches Hoseok for a beat with a curious expression, then he smiles, turns and walks away from the bar, past the row of pillars separating the space from the lobby. 

"Wait," Hoseok mutters under his breath, craning his neck to try to see where the pretty man wandered off to, but the large, round marble columns block his view, and several people are standing in his way of moving quickly.

He knows he should not be so fixated on the appearance of a stranger, but something just feels...right about him. He knows without a shadow of a doubt that the man at the bar was Park Jimin. There is no mistaking it. Even in the shoddy security footage that Seokjin provided, those lips and that jawline were impossible to miss. 

Hoseok feels frozen in place, but also driven by the desire to move. Move his feet, move his mouth, move anything that will get him closer to that man once more—that man who he is positive is Jimin. That man who could very well be Yoongi or Jeongguk.

But all he can manage to move in the moment is his arm. He lifts it just enough to tip the glass to his mouth, dumping the whiskey straight down his throat, resisting the burn that it leaves in its wake. With a wince and a slight sigh, Hoseok allows the strong, barrel-aged liquid settle over him. 

He steps up to the bar, weaving between a few bodies on his way, and sets his empty glass down. With no tab to close because the drink has been added to his room, Hoseok lets out a fortifying sigh and turns to exit, but there is a man standing in his way who he nearly runs into.

"Oh, excuse me," the man says in English at the same time Hoseok mutters, "Sorry," in Korean.

"Do you speak Korean?" the man asks in Korean, and Hoseok gasps as he looks up and finds himself face-to-face with Adonis, himself. 

This man is so handsome, his visuals rival fine art; captivating in the way his features rest in a slight frown. His eyes are expressive, and his voice is deep as the ocean but as smooth as silk. This has to be Kim Taehyung.

"Yeah," Hoseok responds after a beat, feeling heat rise to his face once he realizes he has been staring. He attempts to recover, adding, "Sorry, I got thrown off hearing someone speak Korean after several days of speaking English." 

The other beauty approaches from behind this man and places his hands on the man's arms, peeking from around his shoulder with a shy smile. Hoseok lifts his hand and mutters, "Hello," earning a soft, "Hi," in response, setting a swarm of butterflies in his tummy to take flight. 

"Are you here alone?" the tall one asks, earning him a slap on the arm from the shorter one. 

"Tae," the shorter one grumbles, confirming Hoseok's suspicions. 

"What?" the man who must be Kim Taehyung whines, turning his body so the man who must be Park Jimin is in clearer view. "He was surprised to hear me speak Korean. Maybe he could use some company."

"I am alone," Hoseok responds, swallowing a lump as both beautiful men turn their attention back to him. "I'm here for work, but there was a change in plans, so now I'm just...killing time."

He has no idea why he says all of that. Perhaps there is a part of him that does not want them to think he is just here for them—if they are, in fact, his friends. They have not given him a reason to believe they are, but he has not given up hope; perhaps they are trying to suss out the situation before admitting to what they have done.

"I'm Taehyung," the man confirmed as Kim Taehyung says as he holds out his hand, and Hoseok takes it with a bow of his head as he says, "Hoseok."

"Jimin," the man confirmed as Park Jimin says with a small wave, and Hoseok bows his head as he responds, "Nice to meet you two."

"We were thinking about heading to a whiskey bar up the street," Taehyung says, cocking his head to the side and giving Hoseok a lazy smile. "Would you like to join us?"

"Sure," Hoseok responds without giving it any thought. He is desperate to interact with other people, and now that he has found the two men he has been searching for, his heart pounds with anticipation. 

"Alright," Jimin says with an inviting smile and eyes that shimmer in the golden light of the hotel bar, causing the vines around Hoseok's ribs to bloom brightly. "Let's go."

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[cinderella-ish]

Fic Recs: Grief & Death

Canon Character Death

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Tohru Dies

Bloom Within Us, by me T | Saki/Kyo, Momiji/Hiroshi | WIP | angst, drama, & hurt/comfort What if Tohru Honda didn't survive her fall from the cliff? Kyo, Yuki, Saki, Arisa, and the rest of Tohru's loved ones mourn together and figure out a way forward without her.

Dreams of Paradise, by Sky_Cloudtide T | Tohru/Kyo | WIP | AU & angst The Sohma family's lives are forever changed after summer vacation. Unable to live with the guilt, Kyo and Yuki look to the past, to find a way to fix the treasure they have lost.

Goodnight Kyo, by NovaInTheBasement T | Tohru/Kyo, Kyo & Yuki | Short Story | angst & hurt/comfort "Wait... this can't be happening. It's wrong. It's... all wrong."

I'll be Standing There By You, by Eboni_A T | gen | Kyo & Yuki, some Tohru/Kyo and Machi/Yuki | Novel | angst & hurt/comfort As Tohru Sohma loses her battle with terminal cancer, Yuki temporarily moves in with Kyo to offer support. Tohru is Kyo's life, and Yuki fears what might become of his cousin after Tohru is gone.

Tohru and Kyo Both Die at the End, by riceballinthebasket T | Tohru/Kyo | WIP | angst, hurt/comfort & romance Tohru and Kyo spend one last day together after getting their Deathcast notifications. Will either of them have the courage to tell the other how they really feel?

You were never mine, by Itsalreadyhalloweenright T | Tohru/Kyo, Tohru/Momiji | Short Story | angst & tragedy They did their best to keep living. Tohru with Momiji. Kyo locked in the cat's cage. And they fight to live. At least until Tohru's diagnosed with a deadly disease. At which point she just....gives up and dies. Kyo, upon finding out, follows not long after, unable to live in a world without her in it.

Other

Colour of Kyou, by tokyofish G | M/F - multiple | Novelette | angst, tragedy An AU character piece that takes place after a confrontation with Akito that turned out very badly for the cast. Written from Kyou's POV.

Empty Basket, by RunningOnSunshine M | Tohru/Kyo, Tohru/Kakeru | WIP | angst, drama, & hurt/comfort The Sohma family is thriving. The curse has been broken, marriages are happening, and children are being born. Never before has the Sohma family been so at ease… until Kyo contracts a fatal illness, just months after Tohru becomes pregnant with their first child.

undertow, by hungryhungryhanachan E | Tohru/Kyo | WIP | dark, drama, & tragedy Tohru has always smiled through her pain. Why would this be any different?

Whispers, by captainimprobable T | Gen - Kyo & his bio dad (some Tohru/Kyo) | Short Story | angst Tragedy strikes, sort of, and nobody knows how to deal with it.

Here are links to my bookmarks tagged Death, my bookmarks tagged Grief, and my bookmarks with the MCD Archive Warning.

[tuulikannel]

I figured I should write a little here about the ongoing situation with @lazytoday's account, both to share this info to our common mutuals and to tell my mutuals & followers why I'm most likely not going to be around much for the time being.

You might know she created her current account after Tumblr terminated the previous one without any explanation or response to questions. And now her new account is simply put being treated like a bot. Posts don't show up under tags, I didn't get a notification when she tagged me, nor did she get one when I tagged her. And I just noticed that I can't see her likes anymore, even though I know she has liked plenty of my stuff. Even the comments she has posted are now hidden:

(and yes, that refers to what I know to be her replies.)

She has contacted support, once again, and once again there's been no response. I decided to do it too and wrote them a pretty long message explaining all that has happened, and guess what? They replied! Yay. It was a very sympathetic and nice reply, for sure, but in the end pretty useless. They told me this: "Since she has already contacted support multiple times without a response, I recommend reaching out to our team again by submitting a detailed ticket via our support form: Tumblr Support Form."

And that link... takes you to the abuse site where you can report violations of guidelines. I don't know if I'm stupid or what, but I can't find a place there where to write any "detailed tickets" (if someone can, please tell me too!) I sent a reply asking about this, but just guess if there's been any reply to that...

Also... the form I first used is "for technical issues and general weirdness." Why isn't it enough I've sent them a message there? It does sound like the correct place for this. Why do I have to do it again in some mythical place I can't find? I just don't get this.

But the thing is... I love this hellhole of a site, but atm, I also hate it, and I can't really enjoy being here right now. This matter bugs me too much. So I won't be around much for a while, I think. I will check messages and stuff occasionally, but I might be slow to reply. (lol, imitating tumblr here, huh?)

@staff, I'm pretty sure it's useless to tag you here, but seriously, can anyone there help with this matter?

[lunaheadcare]

Google’s Unjust Conduct — Harming Startups Without Justification

We wish to draw your attention to a recent instance of discourteous and inequitable behavior by Google. Lunahead Inc. is a nascent startup that has invested nearly 1.5 years of dedication in crafting a meditation and stress-relief application. Our hard work was driven by a vision to enhance the well-being of the team members involved in creating this app. On October 9, 2023, we eagerly submitted our app for review on the Play Store. To our dismay, on October 10, 2023, we received an email from Google, informing us that our developer account had been terminated, and our app had been removed from the Play Store.

The most troubling aspect of this situation is that Google failed to adhere to its own stated policies on their platform. There was no prior notification, and our account was terminated abruptly, extinguishing a source of livelihood for many. This is an egregious miscarriage of justice, as it is customary in the legal framework to grant individuals and companies an opportunity to rectify their actions or provide evidence.

It is worth noting that we submitted an “Advance Notice Form” on their portal, though it remains unclear why they treated it as an appeal. Appeals and advance notices are distinct processes on their platform. Adding to the complexity, they have removed the appeal section from their portal, which was accessible until recently.

EARLIER : Option to Appeal appeared

PRESENT : Option to Appeal removed by Google

We did not anticipate such unprofessional conduct from a well-established global brand like Google. However, this experience has revealed a different aspect of their operations. Since all channels for further appeal have been closed, we wanted to share our experience with others to make them aware of the reality of Google. There is an extensive list of such incidents where Google has disrupted the careers and income sources of countless individuals without apparent cause. Ideally, they should adhere to their own policies and engage in self-reflection. While striving to emulate other industry giants, they should do so in a more professional manner.

Additionally, we also attended the live session of Google & raised our concern but didn’t get a relevant response. They opened the appeal section again, we filed the appeal however we got the same robotic reply as what we got the first time.

[microvista]

Struck Off Company List: Unveiling the Mystery and Understanding its Significance

In the vast landscape of business and commerce, the term "Struck Off Company List" might appear cryptic at first glance, but its implications hold immense importance for entrepreneurs, stakeholders, and the business world at large. This comprehensive article delves into the heart of this concept, shedding light on its meaning, the reasons behind it, and the profound impact it can have on companies. Let's embark on an enlightening journey to demystify the enigmatic realm of the Struck Off Company List.

Defining the Struck Off Company List

At its essence, the Struck Off Company List refers to the official roster maintained by regulatory authorities, from which the name of a company is removed or "struck off." This action signifies the termination of the company's legal existence as a corporate entity.

Decoding the Reasons for Striking Off

Non-Compliance and Regulatory Lapses: Companies are entrusted with various legal and financial responsibilities. Failure to fulfill these obligations, such as neglecting to submit annual reports or meet tax requirements, can lead to a company's name being struck off the list.

Extended Inactivity and Dormancy: Companies that remain dormant without engaging in any business activities for a prolonged period may also find themselves facing the risk of being struck off.

Unveiling the Striking Off Process

Initiation and Notification

The process of striking off a company's name typically commences when regulatory authorities identify instances of non-compliance or inactivity.

Opportunity for Rectification

Before the final strike off occurs, companies are often provided with an opportunity to rectify the identified issues. This might involve submitting overdue documents, settling outstanding fees, or addressing any other compliance-related matters.

The Culmination: Striking Off

Should a company fail to rectify the noted concerns within the stipulated timeframe, regulatory authorities proceed with the formal removal of the company's name from the register.

Grasping the Implications of Being Struck Off

Legal Ramifications

The striking off of a company entails the forfeiture of its legal status and protections. Any assets or properties held by the company could potentially be categorized as ownerless or "bona vacantia."

Ripple Effect on Directors and Shareholders

Directors and shareholders of a struck off company may find themselves personally liable for the company's debts, especially if they knowingly continued business operations while the company was insolvent.

Navigating the Path to Avoid Striking Off

Cultivating Timely Compliance

Preventing a company from being struck off necessitates the conscientious adherence to all legal and financial obligations within the designated timeframes.

Embracing Effective Communication

Sustaining transparent and open communication channels with regulatory bodies can greatly assist companies in promptly addressing potential compliance issues.

Conclusion

In the intricate tapestry of the business landscape, comprehension of the implications embedded within the Struck Off Company List is a fundamental asset for both nascent enterprises and well-established corporations. Non-compliance and prolonged inactivity can wield severe consequences, resonating not only with the company itself but also echoing through its stakeholder network. Armed with knowledge and proactive measures, businesses can navigate the path to success while sidestepping the perilous precipice of the Struck Off Company List.

Addressing Key Queries

Is there a possibility of reinstatement for a struck off company? Indeed, a company can pursue reinstatement by rectifying the issues that led to its striking off and providing compelling reasons.

What becomes of a struck off company's assets? The assets may fall under the category of "bona vacantia," making them potentially subject to government control.

Is striking off synonymous with bankruptcy? No, striking off pertains to a company's legal status, while bankruptcy involves insolvency-related proceedings.

Can directors be held personally accountable for a struck off company's debts? Yes, directors might bear personal liability, particularly if they continued business operations while the company was insolvent.

Are there tax implications associated with being struck off? Indeed, tax implications can arise, particularly if the company owes taxes or has unfulfilled tax obligations prior to striking off.

[e-energyit]

Low-power AI chips fight in the open

Low-power AI chips fight in the open

Read More

1-Sensor computing: an important technical path for low-power AI

2-Low power AI MCU

3-Market pattern of low-power AI

With the popularization of the Internet of Things and the next generation of intelligent devices, low-power electronic devices and AI chips are increasingly entering thousands of households, and low-power design is becoming increasingly important. On the one hand, the Internet of Things and smart devices have limitations on the size of the device, on the other hand, they also have high requirements for the cost. In addition, in some use scenarios, there are requirements for the battery replacement and charging cycle (such as the need for monthly or longer battery replacement cycle), so there are high restrictions on the battery capacity, which requires that the chip can use low-power design.

On the other hand, the Internet of Things and intelligent devices are increasingly adding the features of artificial intelligence. AI can provide important new features for the Internet of Things and intelligent devices, such as voice AI can provide wake-up word recognition, voice instruction recognition, etc., while machine vision AI can provide face detection, event detection, etc. As mentioned earlier, the Internet of Things and intelligent devices have a demand for low power consumption, so the addition of AI features also needs to be low power AI.

At present, AI chips have been popularized in the cloud and intelligent device terminals, such as GPU represented by Nvidia and AMD and AI acceleration chips represented by Intel/Habana in the cloud; In terminal intelligent devices, AI acceleration IP on SoC is mainly used. However, neither GPU nor AI acceleration IP on SoC takes into account the need for low power consumption. Therefore, in the future, the Internet of Things and AI in intelligent devices will need new low-power related design.

Sensor computing: an important technical path for low-power AI

Low-power AI in intelligent devices and IoT applications needs to reduce power consumption to very low, so as to realize real-time online (always-on) AI services. The so-called "always-on" here means that AI needs to be available forever instead of being opened by users. On the one hand, it is necessary to keep the relevant sensors open to detect the signals of relevant modes in real time, and on the other hand, it is also necessary for AI to achieve low power consumption.

In traditional design, the function of the sensor is to collect high-performance signals and transmit the collected signals to the processor (SoC or MCU) for further calculation and processing, while the sensor itself has no computing power. However, the traditional design assumption is that the relevant processors will be turned on at the same time when the sensor is turned on, which cannot meet the requirements of always-on AI, because the SoC and MCU will consume a lot of batteries if they are running AI algorithms all the time. On the other hand, from a practical point of view, this kind of always-on AI application mainly hopes that AI will always run so that it can respond in real time once important related events occur (for example, IMU detects that the user is driving and turns off the push notification of the intelligent device), but in fact, the frequency of such related events is not very high. If the AI module of SoC or MCU is always turned on, Most of the time, the output of the AI model is "no event detected".

Combined with these two points, the calculation running at the sensor end is becoming more and more important. First of all, in always-on's low-power AI, the sensor needs to be turned on at all times. Therefore, if the sensor can have AI computing capability, the AI model can be run on the sensor side without opening the AI module on the SoC or MCU. In addition, running AI at the sensor end can also avoid the continuous transmission of data between the sensor and SoC/MCU, thus further reducing power consumption. Finally, the AI module at the sensor end can be customized for the sensor without considering universality, so it can customize and optimize the AI algorithm that is most suitable for the sensor, so as to achieve a very high energy efficiency ratio.

Of course, artificial intelligence at the sensor end also has its own limitations. On the one hand, in terms of performance and cost, the computing and storage space at the sensor end is usually small, and the AI module cannot support large models, so the performance of the model will be limited.

On the other hand, as mentioned above, artificial intelligence at the sensor end is also difficult to support general models, and often only supports some specific operators and model structures.

To sum up, the sensor side AI can achieve low power consumption, but its model performance is also relatively limited; On the other hand, in low-power AI scenarios, the frequency of relevant events that really need to be handled is not high. Combined with these two points, the sensor side AI is most suitable for running some specialized small models to filter out most irrelevant events; After the sensor side AI detects the relevant events, the sensor can wake up the AI on the SoC or MCU to confirm the next step, so as to meet the requirements of low power consumption and always-on at the same time.

In the field of image sensors, Sony has launched the IMX500 series of sensors, in which the sensor chips and logic chips integrated with AI computing capabilities are stacked, so that pixel signals can be transmitted to the AI computing engine on the logic chip, so that the output of the sensor can be an image, an AI model output, or a combination of both. In this way, the sensor can run in the low-power always-on state, and only when its model output meets certain specific conditions (such as the detection of a face) can it wake up the MCU or SoC to do the next action. We expect that Sony will further strengthen its AI capability in the next sensor chip, thus enhancing its leading position in this field.

Another example of the combination of sensors and artificial intelligence is the IMU series products launched by ST. ST integrates Machine Learning Core and Finite State Machine in IMU with relevant AI features, which can support AI calculation directly on IMU in a very efficient way. At present, the AI algorithms supported by ST are mainly decision tree algorithms, and can support some important feature extraction of IMU signals (such as signal amplitude, signal variance, etc.), so that user activity classification can be directly realized on the IMU (such as classification of stationary, walking, cycling, driving a car, etc.), so that the MCU/SoC can be awakened for the next operation when relevant events are detected. According to the data published by ST, the power consumption of MLC is only in the order of microwatts, which can well support the always-on demand. Of course, on the other hand, we also see that the decision tree algorithm has limited capacity in fact, and it is difficult to model complex activities. Therefore, as we discussed earlier, the artificial intelligence in IMU sensor is suitable to complete the initial screening of events to filter out irrelevant events, and the more complex classification and confirmation can be completed through the model running on MCU or SoC.

Low power AI MCU

In addition to intra-sensor AI, another important low-power AI technology path is AI running in MCU. Both the Internet of Things and intelligent devices cannot be separated from the low-power MCU as the most critical control unit. Generally speaking, the power consumption of MCU is one or two orders of magnitude lower than that of SoC. By integrating AI on the MCU, we can put the task of running AI on the MCU, so there is no need to wake up the SoC; Or in some low-cost applications, cost considerations make it impossible to integrate SoC. At this time, if AI is needed, MCU with AI capability is an important option.

It is worth noting that there is no contradiction between AI on MCU and AI on sensor. As mentioned earlier, the complexity of the types of models that AI in sensors can normally run is relatively limited, and the model in a sensor can obviously only use the signal of that sensor as input. On the other hand, the AI module on the MCU can usually support a more general AI model, and it also has the opportunity to use multiple sensor signals as model inputs. Of course, the energy efficiency ratio of the AI module on the MCU is generally slightly lower than that of the AI module on the sensor side. Therefore, the sensor with AI capability and the MCU with AI capability can be combined in a system to run a more specific level of relatively simple model screening event on the sensor side, Wake up the AI module on the MCU to execute a more general model to confirm the event when necessary.

At present, there are some related products on the MCU chip market, such as NXP's RT600 MCU. In addition to the ARM M33 core, this product also integrates Tensilica HiFi 4 DSP and has 4.5 MB of on-chip storage, which can accelerate the general AI model. In addition to NXP, ADI MAX78000 MCU integrates ARM M4 and RISC-V core, and also integrates CNN accelerator to realize AI acceleration. We believe that in the future, more and more low-power MCUs will join AI capabilities to meet the needs of the Internet of Things and intelligent devices.

Market pattern of low-power AI

As we discussed earlier, low-power AI is more than creating a new category of chips, but adding AI capabilities to existing chips to create certain differentiated competitive advantages. At present, we see that both in the sensor side and in the MCU side, there are leading enterprises in the market (such as Sony and ST in the sensor field; NXP and ADI in the MCU field) actively participating in AI functions. It is expected that more and more companies will also invest in AI products in the future.

For Chinese semiconductor enterprises, artificial intelligence in sensor and MCU is also a direction worthy of attention. At present, joining AI is more about product positioning and integration (that is, how to grasp the market corresponding to the product and integrate the most appropriate AI module), but in the future, with the progress of technology, the relevant technology accumulation will gradually deepen, so if Chinese semiconductor manufacturers can start to layout in this field from now on, It can deepen its technical strength in this field and increase the competitiveness of its products in the future intelligent Internet of Things and the next generation of intelligent devices.

Prepare your supply chain

Buyers of electronic components must now be prepared for future prices, extended delivery time, and continuous challenge of the supply chain. Looking forward to the future, if the price and delivery time continues to increase, the procurement of JIT may become increasingly inevitable. On the contrary, buyers may need to adopt the "just in case" business model, holding excess inventory and finished products to prevent the long -term preparation period and the supply chain interruption.

As the shortage and the interruption of the supply chain continue, communication with customers and suppliers will be essential. Regular communication with suppliers will help buyers prepare for extension of delivery time, and always understand the changing market conditions at any time. Regular communication with customers will help customers manage the expectations of potential delays, rising prices and increased delivery time. This is essential to ease the impact of this news or at least ensure that customers will not be taken attention to the sudden changes in this chaotic market.

Most importantly, buyers of electronic components must take measures to expand and improve their supplier network. In this era, managing your supply chain requires every link to work as a cohesive unit. The distributor of the agent rather than a partner cannot withstand the storm of this market. Communication and transparency are essential for management and planning. In E-energy Holding Limited, we use the following ways to hedge these market conditions for customers:

Our supplier network has been reviewed and improved for more than ten years.

Our strategic location around the world enables us to access and review the company's headquarters before making a purchase decision.

E-energy Holding Limited cooperates with a well -represented testing agency to conduct in -depth inspections and tests before delivering parts to our customers.

Our procurement is concentrated in franchise and manufacturer direct sales.

Our customer manager is committed to providing the highest level of services, communication and transparency. In addition to simply receiving orders, your customer manager will also help you develop solutions, planned inventory and delivery plans, maintain the inventory level of regular procurement, and ensure the authenticity of your parts.

Add E-energy Holding Limited to the list of suppliers approved by you, and let our team help you make strategic and wise procurement decisions.