#without wanting to die of embarrassment

[measureyourlifeincake]

was gonna record a video but got too frustrated with how shitty the camera on my (new!!) phone is :( i s2g it's even worse than my old phone (which wasnt great in the first place) even though i think its the same series (not sure if its exactly the same bc the motos are named weirdly)

it doesnt even let me zoom on the selfie cam??? i downloaded a 3rd party camera app that had digital zoom but it looks even worse than just filming un-zoomed and cropping it (which, to be clear, looks pretty bad)

well that's what i get for insisting on getting a phone with a headphone jack i guess

[thereweredragonshere]

I would so fucking love it if the cast of httyd could react to in universe moments on some massive magical stone or whatever. For example, imagine Berk’s reaction to their future chief standing in a pile of fish, pouting. Imagine said future chief’s reaction to their reaction. ‘Why are you stood in a pile of fish?’ ‘SHUT UP!!!’

[wittyrogue]

we all like to joke that zevran's failed contract in origins has lost the crows an entire country but in this essay i will tell you how actually crows are afraid to go further south than the free marches because the black shadow will get them.

lets set the scene: early 9:30 dragon, a hit goes out on two grey wardens from the "ruler" of ferelden. zevran wins the bid and effectively disappears. two grey wardens are still seen out and about. taliesen is later sent to clean it up and also disappears.

their fates, canonically, are "unknown" (per world of thedas, vol. 2 pg 96, screen capped at the bottom of the post for reference).

grandmaster eoman arainai (zevran's master and the one who ordered rinna killed) is killed four months after the blight ends. four other members of house arainai are also killed over the next three years (9:30-33 dragon), taking house arainai from being the house with the eighth talon to obscurity.

grandmaster runn and grandmaster availa are also killed (honestly unclear if they're house arainai or not, but we'll run with them being eoman's replacements 1 and 2), likely around 9:33 or at the latest, 9:34 dragon.

at some point, zevran makes some friends and seems to have worked to fill the ranks of those rising within the crows with those who are similar in his mindset--those that have been cheated out of well earned coin, driven into hiding, or silenced in one way or another, slowly building a rising generation of crows less keen on the old house structure way of doing things.

during this time, whenever zevran is discovered in antiva, he's chased out by the crows, who get as far as rivain or the free marches and then those crows go missing--the implication here being that they chase zevran, only to at some point have the chase twisted and end up killed by zevran's own blade.

also at some point, zevran is caught in a trap by the crows, who continued to hunt him "for the honor of antivan crows" aka a crow never breaks a contract (though at this point claiming zevran as a crow seems like a clerical oversight).

in case you were wondering: - crows: 1 - zevran: 3 grandmasters, 5 assassins (rank or higher), innumerable rank and file lured south

by 9:35 dragon, the guildmaster of rialto has been killed and two guildmasters are said to be in zevran's pocket. first caveat: unclear if this is widespread to all of the crows, or limited to just house arainai. second caveat: guildmaster and grandmaster seem to be used interchangeably? which is mildly frustrating but it is what it is. this is also assumed to do with zevran's escape from wherever they were keeping him captive.

relative radio silence from the maker's perfect boy until 9:40 dragon when he sends an "oops i did it again ;)" letter to leliana apologizing for killing a crow hired to do inquisition business. for the record, this crow is doing business in hercinia at the time, which is in the free marches. this exchange speaks to a pattern of continuing the crow killing business, specifically those going south to the free marches.

now we're up to the current year and lucanis and harding have our oh so charming exchange below (emphasis mine):

Harding: Lucanis, you've never really been to Ferelden? But I thought you traveled all over!

Lucanis: The Crows don't take many contracts there. Not since the Fifth Blight.

Harding: I heard Teyrn Loghain hired Crows in his fight over the throne.

Lucanis: And that's why we don't work there anymore.

Harding: So the Crows don't work in Ferelden anymore because of Loghain? Why, exactly?

Lucanis: House Arainai embarrassed themselves so badly on that job, the Crows buried six different Eighth Talons.

Harding: You're... you're saying they actually die of embarrassment.

Lucanis: Some of them weren't dead at the time. But they got it eventually.

hey scroll up for a second, back to the part where i told you the crows vs zevran tally.

ok come back. thanks.

now at least one of those six #confirmed kills of zevran's is grandmaster eoman arainai, the eighth talon. clearly being a grandmaster and a talon are not conflicting roles. i'd gather, actually, that being grandmaster of the house holding a talon position makes you the talon as well. so zevran's killed at least three arainai talons (eoman, runn, availa). if we put house arainai in rialto, that makes a fourth in 9:35 dragon during zevran's escape from imprisonment for four dead talons, just between 9:30 and 9:35 dragon. i really think in the following handful of years, zevran can do two more. as a treat.

all this to say--in this dialogue with harding, lucanis is putting on his professional customer service voice and saying that no, they just don't really like working in fereldan all that much.

please don't look at the line of dead crows that starts in the free marches.

please ignore the pile of dead eighth talons.

please stop looking at house arainai.

honestly, i think there's a solid argument to be made that zevran's hunting of crows affected a widespread change in his generation of rank and file crows, to the benefit of any follow-on generations. it was mentioned a little how zevran was gathering allies, even paying off guildmasters, and i think it's seen in the fact that arainai hasn't prospered and crows like teia even exist at all.

references under the cut.

[velvet-games]

shipping jayvik out of spite now smh

[star--anon]

Minewt is so very very important to me

Minho, who is strong and confident, but not emotionally, someone who shies away from more delicate moments, squirms when it gets emotional, will do something nice for someone else but will not make eye contact as he does so

Newt, who is strong and confident, especially emotionally, someone who will grin as they accept help, someone who will willingly die to help someone else, someone who will hug someone in public and not show a hint of shame after, someone who will cry and not care if they're seen

Minho falling head over heels for that sense of safety, for that confidence, for that unabashed vulnerability. Meanwhile Newt is utterly clueless

while Minho is doing things that are the pinnacle of romance to his "affection is awkward" mind, Newt is just like "hey Minho left me a snack! he's been really nice lately :D"

[ottisbuns]

I wish I could get sentimental without immediately starting typing like some kind of Victorian out of embarrassment.

[sevicia]

Have come to the realization that I AM lovable just not in a romantic way cause I have friends & family who all love me vewwy much and I have been told that I am "easy to love" & I get along really well with most adults significantly older than me but the problem is that all of this does NOT extend to people my age . like outside of my friends & sister I have never managed to get past small talk with anyone my age because I don't know HOW !! when it comes to romantic stuff it's not even fully about my appearance anymore cause even if I don't like it myself there's people who don't see it as something suuuper important yk but even then I am just like . not attractive or not appealing and it's genuinely insane because by all means I am a regular ass guy but something's missing like there's something WRONG with me and I still can't tell what it is !!!

[quietwingsinthesky]

so because nick was able to almost raise lucifer from the empty, we really have to assume that anyone could do it. like all he had was some determination and a hammer, and he could have pulled it off. so. what im saying is that this leads us to assume that in-universe, dean just didnt feel like it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[rabbithaver]

i don't even have my own credit card or paypal or anything. im almost 27

[key0-m0ve-al0ng]

Cringe culture fr poisoned my sense of self ngl (still a hater tho)

[orionnotpax]

having the entire dnd sesh time depend on me is sooo

mmmmmm

[nightmare8-420]

Life feels disgusting for so many reasons i want to die

[ai-the-broccoli]

.... Yeahhhh I REALLY think not.

This request was sent to us and we made a poll in response to it. Send any Blorbo-related question you want to our inbox and we’ll make a poll on which people can vote with their own Blorbos in minds

[finalexpenses]

hojeslty its not even that i like her face the princess has a very idk. nondescript face? i guess? overall. mostly its that well. i know her and i love her dearly..

[angelicangelz]

husband!ghost x wife!reader

NSFW- mdni- because this was requested!

You knew your husband had quite the history. Obviously he was in the military, a lieutenant nonetheless. Something he swore he’d do until he’d die- most likely out on the field.

He never meant to settle down. He was voted least likely to ever have a life outside the 141. So him telling the force he was getting married was a bigger shock to them than anything they’d experienced out.

He knew from the second he saw you that you’d change him. That he had to change to even get you to be near him. You were nothing if not an his perfect angel. He couldn’t ruin you like he had the others.

So you had never seen that wild, feral side of him. He had always been quite gentle and loving when it came to you. Flowers, holding hands, opening car doors. He got you everything you wanted.

He made love to you, had sex with you. But never did he really fuck you. Not like he used to anyways. You were his angel! His perfect angel didn’t want to be destroyed! Right?

“Want you to fuck me Si” you whisper breathlessly into his ear, and Simon feels the blood rush straight to his cock. “Fuck me like you used to”

Yes, he was surprised. But who was he to deny you? His angel! Only if you were a little more careful with what you wish for!

His touches quickly turned to gropes, squeezing your tits and waist and thighs and ripping your panties off instead of taking the time to slide them down your legs. There’s no time to take off your shirt and unclip your bra! He simply pulls your shirt up and lets your tits spill out of the cups.

The protection he was usually fond of? Forgotten. His fingers slip between your folds as if he had no time to spare. One, two, then three fingers plunging into your wet hole as his thumb rubs quick circles over your clit.

You feel a haze of pleasure well within you. Simon acted so quick, there was no time to adjust or even think. You mindlessly whine when he pulls his fingers out, and nearly choke when he shoves them into your mouth to taste yourself.

“Doin’ so well for me birdie”. “Ya like that? A good girl being treated like the true slut she is?”

You’re embarrassed at how wet it gets you. Your dear husband had never dared to speak to you like this. And though you enjoyed the praise, this was a whole different kind of hot all over.

You can’t even answer him before he shoves his fat cock inside you, his tip hitting your cervix. All you could do was whine and moan and drool around his fingers.

He comes before you do, something unusual but for some reason it only made everything more pleasing. His hot seed spills into you, and he comes so hard and so much it drips past his cock right back out of your pussy. Without warning you come too, back arching off the bed and toes curling.

You always loved your husband. But right now you were convinced you had found some new form of it. And all you could think of was the things you’d lure him into doing to you next.

—

If you have any ideas you can leave behind requests in my inbox! :)

[em1i2a3]

i don’t know if you take requests but some yearning or very obvious bob having a crush on reader… like full on fluff and everyone makes fun of him cause he’s just that obvious

Plainclothes Man

Pairing: Bob/Robert Reynolds/Sentry x Avengers!Fem!Reader

Summary: Everyone at the compound knows Bob has a massive crush on you–except you.

Warnings: Semi-Spoiler for Thunderbolts because of Bob’s involvement but other than that…None :)

Author's Note: Hey y’all! I do take requests! Just to make that clear! Nothing is really off limits! :) I love this idea! So I thought I would start with it. I kind of rushed it a bit because I have so many ideas going at once for Bob right now, but I wanted to please y’all so hopefully it’s good :)

Word Count: 1,775

Bob was a neon sign of romantic agony.

Everyone could see it.

He was about as subtle as a firework in a library when it came to you, and everyone–everyone but you–knew that he had very obvious feelings for you.

At first, it was just the little things. He would hold the door open for you, make your coffee in the morning, and sometimes he would walk you to your training sessions carrying all your weapons and gear. God forbid you mentioned needing help with something too, because it was like he teleported into the room instantly just to be your knight in shining armor.

It would’ve been sweet–it was sweet–except for the fact that he looked like he was going to pass out every time you smiled at him, or the fact that the first time you touched him he felt like he was having a heart attack.

Not only that, but at the Thunderbolts compound, privacy was a myth. Everyone noticed the way he put you first, and nobody had the emotional maturity to leave it alone, especially during down times when everyone was home with no missions or jobs to run off to.

Idle hands made for cruel commentary.

They started small. Little side-eyes, snorts, giggles, the occasional cough-covered ‘lover boy’ muttered under someone’s breath when Bob stood the moment you entered a room, like he was always on guard.

Then it escalated.

Yelena turned it into a sport, narrating his reactions like a nature documentary when you weren’t present.

”And here we see Bob Reynolds in his natural habitat–blushing violently, hands wringing in his lap, trying not to pass out because Y/N said his name. Observe how he avoids eye contact while trying to remember how to function.” This would make him even more flustered, and only add to his embarrassment of wearing his feelings on his sleeve.

“Please stop,” He would say, with his face on fire.

Ava took to mimicking Bob’s dreamy stares behind your back when the both of you would talk to one another, making sure there was grotesque exaggeration to every detail. How his eyes would widen, and his lips would part, oftentimes she would clutch her chest dramatically and sway from side to side, which only made his cheeks go a bright red as he was talking to you.

Even Alexei, who should’ve had better things to do, began to offer unsolicited advice.

”You must confess, Bob. Women like confidence. You must say, ‘I am man of strength and softness, let us be passionate together!’” Bob nearly choked on the air he breathed, blinking up at Alexei, who was nodding like he had just offered the secret to eternal happiness, and not a line from a Soviet soap opera.

”I…I’m not saying that,” Bob stammered, voice thin with embarrassment.

“Why not?” Alexei boomed, looking over at Walker and Yelena as if they were going to back him up, “You are soft man! Strong man! Women love this contradiction!” Walker sipped his protein shake without looking up from his phone.

”Honestly Bob…It’s not the worst idea he’s had.” Bob looked like someone had just pulled the emergency brake on his nervous system. He was stunned by the agreement the idea was receiving, then he rubbed his hands over his face, like he could scrub away the humiliation clinging to his skin.

”I can’t say that…I’ll die in the middle of it.” Bob muttered, his hands muffling his voice, before hearing a little chuckle coming from Yelena.

”You’re like watching a candle melt under a heat lamp…Take it easy on yourself Bob.” She said, leaning back in her chair.

”Seriously,” Ava added, leaning against the counter with a yogurt in her hand, “ Just say something. Anything at this point will be better than nothing. And please hurry up, because you’re starting to give us secondhand embarrassment with this mating dance you’re doing.” Bob was about to say something then the door creaked open, causing him to pause mid conversation.

Bucky walked in with a towel draped around his neck, drenched in sweat from the endurance run he had done on the treadmill just moments ago, with a look of vague concern on his face.

”What’s with all the noise? I heard Alexei yelling about passion through the vents.” He said, glancing over at everyone who was crowded in the kitchen.

”We’re trying to get Bob to confess his undying love for Y/N.” Yelena replied, watching as Bucky looked over at Bob who was hunched over the kitchen island and flushing a scarlet red.

”Oh,” He said, like it suddenly made perfect sense, “…Wait, he still hasn’t said anything?” He added, confused.

“Nope,” Walker responded, still scrolling through his phone, not bothering to look up, “Somehow he’s been able to keep the verbal diarrhea to a minimum with her.”

“Barely. Last week she complimented him on how strong he was for carrying six bags of groceries for her in one go and he stammered over a thank you for two whole minutes.” Bucky let out a little laugh.

”Pretty sure you’re describing a stroke, not a crush/“ He started, wiping his face off with his towel, “What exactly are you waiting for, Bob? A written invitation from the president or something?” Before Bob even had a chance to answer, the door creaked open again, and you appeared.

You were still damp from the shower you had taken a few minutes ago, with your hair pinned back, and your skin still flushed from the heat of the water. You had on a soft, oversized t-shirt and…Bob’s sweatpants. He had given them to you last week without prompt, saying that you would be warmer in them, and since then, you managed to forget to give them back–whether it was on purpose or by accident, nobody really knew for sure.

Yelena had caught it immediately though.

”Wow…Y/N, those are some nice sweatpants, where’d you get them from?” She drawled, grinning like a cat that had just spotted a mouse. You glanced down at them and pointed.

”These? They’re Bob’s actually, so I have no clue where they’re from, but they’re super comfy.” Bob made a noise that could only be described as a choked squeak, as everyone glanced over at him in their own small ways. Yelena grinned.

”Oh, Bob’s, huh?” You nodded cheerfully, completely missing the way Bob’s soul was visibly leaving his body.

“Yeah, I was freezing after that mission last week and he just gave them to me. I forgot to return them, but they’re just too good to give up.” You replied, looking down at them fondly, like they were a luxury item of sorts, before adjusting the waistband a little bit, “Hope you’re okay if I keep them a little longer before giving them back to you.” You added, with a little smirk.

Bob–already pink from neck to ears–opened his mouth but only managed a soft, and cracked, “Yeah…Yeah totally fine.”

You smiled at him–kind, and warm, and totally unaware of how he was going to spontaneously combust in a few moments if you didn’t stop looking at him the way you always did, with this admiration and care.

Yelena nudged Ava as you turned to the pantry to grab your tote bag.

”I was about to actually go on a grocery run, I figured it’s a good time to stock up for movie night tomorrow…Bob, do you wanna come?”

He lifted his head almost immediately, like he wasn’t sure if he’d heard you correctly–or like he was still rebooting from the sight of you wearing his sweatpants again and saying you might want to keep them longer.

You looked at him with your eyebrows raised, and everyone else looked at him like a firing squad waiting to shoot.

”I-uh…Grocery run?” Yelena pressed her lips together to hold back a grin, before glancing over at Bucky who was shaking his head, then Walker glanced up from his phone, staring at him with a look that basically screamed ‘don’t you dare blow this.’

“Yeah, “ You said with a casual smile, “I was actually going to go because they finally restocked those kettle chips you like, and that weird sparkling iced tea…The lemon honey one. But I thought I’d just kill two birds with one stone and just take the whole movie night snack order now and get it over with…Y’know what I mean?” Bob felt like his entire chest was going to cave in under your words. The fact you remembered such little details about him killed him, because it gave him those butterflies in his stomach–the ones that gave him hope. Dangerous, reckless hope.

”He’ll go.” Yelena replied, “He’s not doing anything anyways, he’s super available right now, aren’t you Bob?” All eyes turned to him.

“I–uh…”

“He lives for those late night grocery runs,” Ava chimed in, “You’ve made his week.” Bucky crossed his arms, clearly entertained.

”Oh yeah, didn’t you say twenty minutes ago that your dream night would be picking out snacks with a girl you–respect deeply as a teammate?” He piled on, causing Bob to swallow loudly.

“Well that’s perfect then! I’ll meet you in the garage in five minutes!” You said brightly, giving him one last smile that probably shaved three years off his life expectancy before you turned and strolled out of the kitchen, with your tote bag bouncing against your hip. Everyone waited until the front door clicked to interrupt the silence.

”Oh Jesus.” Bob said, sinking his face into his hands, hearing Yelena clap like a coach at halftime.

”Alright, let’s lock in–because if you mess this up, Bob, you’re probably never getting another invite like that again.” Ava pointed her spoon at him like a judge handing down a sentence, before saying.

”And it’s the first time she’s asked you to come with her somewhere instead of you tripping over your shoelaces to offer a hand, so that’s a good sign.”

“Yeah,” Bucky added dryly, “So don’t think yourself into a grave for the love of god, because you’ve done it all backwards. She’s supposed to be wearing your clothes when you’re dating, not before.” Bob groaned louder.

“I think I’m gonna throw up.”