#witty the bard

[andreai04]

“What was it about fathers, Clay wondered, that compelled so many of them to test their children? To insist that a daughter, or a son, prove themselves worthy of a love their mother offered without condition?”

[foxys-fantasy-tales]

bow and axe for anyone that’s on your mind right now? :)

(Ask Game Here!) I'll go with Skye this time.

Bow - How does one reach their heart?

The more of a fixer-upper the better for Skye. He adores people with a problem because that means he can help. He's a generous soul, but he can take it too far at times. Still, he does mean well. If you have bags under your eyes and a list of complexes you are probably already on his radar.

Axe - What ignites their inner fire and strength?

He hates to see kids hurt. He'll stick up for his friends, but he knows he is no fighter if it comes to it. If someone is too rough with a child in front of him that all goes out the window and he'll throw the weakest punches around carelessly. Growing up rough was the reason he chose to open his shelter in the first place.

[the-world-annealing]

Watched the new D&D movie and the main character is pretty clearly supposed to be a bard (wacky, witty, giant lute slung over his back), but they got rid of bardic music effects for being really silly and got rid of the casting so the party's sorcerer could have 'spellcaster' as his hat (the druid got a similar treatment but at least they expanded what wildshape could do in compensation).

Except at that point the bard doesn't have a lot of in-class features anymore, so to keep this dude relevant he just ended up as the 'plan guy' and face, and in combat he mostly runs around dodging explosions. If he attacks someone, it's by whacking them on the head from behind, because that's the only way a noncombat guy like him can still plausibly contribute to fights.

But of course, 'evasive ambusher with many out-of-combat skills, including musical performance' is already a D&D class. And I am really amused by the thought of hundreds of D&D newbies asking how to play the funny movie bard and getting told they should consider being rogues.

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

hello! i’m not sure if ur taking requests but maybe an astarion x bard! tav who is neutral good? ik in game he hates it when we’re nice, so i’m wondering how you think he’d handle a tav who is not only kind but also not really interested in sex

Oooh, I like this! Time to bring out the bitchy cat energy. Because he is a bitch. Lot of Act 1 in game references here btw. Sfw, but y'know, Astarion sad boy backstory is always looming. Also conveniently ignoring the canon fact that Astarion doesn't know how to swim because I can~~~

~

Astarion supposed he could have come across a worse rag-tag crew of undesirables to associate with. It was made clear, disturbingly quickly, that he wouldn't have made it out here on his own. Not with the goblins and cultists lurking around every corner. And a damn vampire hunter for gods' sake.

Astarion could have done much worse than this merry-band of weirdos. Like laying dead in a ditch for instance. That said, it didn't change the fact that he was quickly growing tired of their leader's antics.

You were just so annoying. So selfless, in one of the stupidest ways he had ever seen. For one thing, why one earth would you ever trust a gith or Shar priestess? Or a vampire spawn for that matter. How no one had stabbed you in the back yet was beyond him, considering how you gave them every opportunity to do so.

Not that Astarion would, or at least not yet. But he could. Easily, considering all the misguided trust you had put in him.

But despite your flaws, he had to admit that you were capable, that much was clear. You were strong, quick, witty, and not above deception to keep the peace. He.... liked that about you, in a way. The extent to how far you would go to save others. It was courageous, as well as incredibly stupid, but he could respect it.

Slightly.

it helped that you were a cute little thing, even with the aggravating sunshine personality. Cute enough for Astarion to start thinking of... certain options. You would be easy to manipulate, he was sure of that. Enough so where his life could become one of your top priorities. You already seemed to like him, without him turning on the charm. It would be so easy to get you wrapped around his finger, with nothing but a few shiny words and some pleasant bed-warming. Nothing that he hadn't done before. And if anything, your absurd levels of kindness could.... make everything a little more pleasant than what he was used to. Gods willing.

And tonight seemed as good a time as any, considering everyone was still on a high from being the tiefling's heroes. You were excitedly talking at him, adorable in a frankly infuriating way. Or maybe the wine was working on him more than he had anticipated, he wasn't quite sure. But... your smile seemed extra enchanting tonight.

Enough so for him to get to the point after you asked how he was feeling, "I'm just looking for a little more excitement. A little more fun."

You cocked your head at him, innocently confused as he continued, "You know, we could always make our own entertainment darling. Get a little closer, so to speak."

"Sure!" You said, jumping on the opportunity faster than even Astarion had expected, "Can we do it now?"

Astarion blinked, pleased if not a bit surprised. He's not wholly against giving the camp a show, though the children still lurking about definitely put a damper on things. But maybe if you went far enough away...

"And can I choose what we do?" You asked, a wide smile on your face.

Astarion laughed, delighted at just how easy this was going to be, "Depends on how adventurous you're planning on being."

He hadn't expected you to grab his hand, easily intertwining your fingers with a smile, "I can show you."

Astarion hadn't been prepared for the quick escalation of events, but he was happy to abide by it. He nodded his head, giving your hand a small squeeze before saying, "Then lead the way."

And lead the way you did, right to the Waypoint of the swamp. Not exactly the most romantic place to be having sex, but Astarion had done worse. That was until you conjured the dancing lights, the dreary darkness suddenly transforming what should have been a putrid bog into a dreamy landscape, filled with flowers and freshwater.

Astarion looked to you, eyes wide, "How...?"

"We purified it!" You announced with a massive grin, "We did it this morning, before the party. Halsin and the other druids came down, I amped up their magic with a fantastic song, and bam! No more stench of the hag. Isn't it pretty?"

That... sounded exactly like something you would do, sweet thing that you were. Astarion nodded as he looked around, a little touched that you brought him here at all.

But as nice as the gesture was, he wasn't here for strictly fun. He had a plan, one that you were doing a wonderful job of putting into motion. Considering how you were in the middle of pulling your shirt over your head.

You looked at him expectantly, laughing a little when he rushed to join you. But before he could get his underclothes off, you were stepping away from him and... jumping into the water?

Astarion stared as you sputtered up to the surface, wiping your face with a loud laugh, "My gods, it's cold!"

"What on earth are you doing?" He called out to you, cautiously walking towards the water, "Are you trying to freeze to death?"

"Oh, hush!" You said, waving your hand in the air with a splash, "If we can kill an entire goblin camp than we can handle some cold water. Now get in already!"

Had he mentioned that you were aggravating yet?

But he hadn't made it this far to back out now. Besides, this was far from being on the list of the worst seduction tactics that he had to endure. Though it may have been the oddest one. Astarion couldn't remember a single time that jumping into a purified water pool led to lovemaking. But there was a first for everything. Though it didn't help that the water was indeed freezing.

"For fuck's sake," Astarion cursed when he came up for air, "This is your definition of fun?"

You giggled as you swam towards him, stopping to wrap your arms around his neck with a smile. Another unexpected move from you, a factor that he hadn't expected, but found oddly endearing.

You were playing with a lock of his wet hair, twisting it between your fingers as he wrapped his arms around you, "Well the fun part hasn't started yet."

Astarion laughed softly, his eyes zeroing in on your lips, "Is it about to start now?"

"I think it is," You whispered back, "You ready for it?"

"More than you know," Astarion murmured, leaning in to finally connect your mouth.

But before he could press his lips against yours you were dodging him, giggling as you whispered in his ear, "Good. Let's race."

And then you were pulling away from him entirely, diving under the water just to show back up a few feet away, a manic grin on your face, "Whoever gets to the opposite bank first wins!"

And then you were off, swimming away. You little cheater. Astarion didn't even think as he want after you, a childish competitiveness taking over. You still won, of course you did with that large of a head start, but he managed to beat you on the second and third try.

By his fourth win you were officially pouting, which only devolved into a splashing fight from there. One that he gracefully let you win.

It was all so stupid. Completely juvenile and beneath him. But then why was he having so much fun?

Eventually, you both got out of the water, opting to sit on the bank as you talked. Just... talking. Nothing more, and about the silliest things:

"If Halsin can turn into a bear, do you think I could learn how to grow an extra finger or two? It would make the lute playing so much easier."

"If you don't mind looking like a freak than sure. Are you thinking of literally growing them or having them attached?"

"If, and just hypothetically, Lae'zel and Shadowheart fought to the death, who would win?"

"Darling in all honesty, I think it would just devolve into lesbian sex."

"If you could go anywhere in the world, right now, where would it be?"

"...I think it would be here."

It was a startlingly fun conversation, one that had Astarion being sincere in ways that made him uncomfortable. But that didn't stop him from participating. The two of you talked about anything and everything until the sky started to lighten, both of you leaning into each other as you watched the sunrise.

That was something Astarion would never tire of, how beautiful the light and sky looked at the start of the day. Part of him still couldn't believe that he was able to see it at all, after two centuries of darkness. But now here he was, sitting on a peaceful riverbank after talking the night away, almost like... like he was a person. A real person who mattered. With someone who somehow thought the same.

You sighed, your head resting on Astarion's shoulder as you watched the pink sky, "We should head back soon. Before anyone starts to worry."

Astarion nodded, his heart clenching the slightest bit when you pulled away to stand. He... didn't want this to end. Not yet. Not when he-actually now that he thought about it, he hadn't done anything in the past eight hours that he had planned. The two of you hadn't even kissed, despite the fact that you had spent the vast majority of the night wet and in your undergarments.

How in the hells did that happen?

Astarion was still trying to figure that out as you tossed his shirt and pants his way. He stood, hastily putting it on while he struggled to figure out what to say next. He was completely off his usual script, at a complete loss as you re-opened the magical waypoint.

You turned back to look at him, that same sweet smile on your face that you had been wearing the whole night, "You ready to go?"

Astarion wasn't the type to stutter, but that's where he found himself when he blurted out, "I- wait- I mean, is that it?"

You cocked your head at him with a tiny frown, one that Astarion wanted off of your face immediately, "Did you not have fun?"

"I didn't say that, but it wasn't exactly the fun that I was referring to," Astarion said as he closed the distance between you, regaining a fraction of his usual forced confidence. Why were you so good at making him feel off-kilter?

He took your hand in his, reverting back to the seduction tactics he knew as he used his other hand to tilt your chin up, "I was thinking something a little more... intimate."

"I know what you meant," You said with a little laugh, giving his hand a small squeeze, "But my way seemed just as enjoyable, don't you think?"

"Darling, that's not exactly the point I was trying to make."

"Oh, I'm aware, but it was mine," You said easily, standing on your tip toes to kiss him on the cheek, "Thank you Astarion. It was fun, and I hope we can spend more time together like that in the future."

And just like that you were pulling away again, letting go off his hand to step into the portal, the feeling of your lips against his skin still lingering as you disappeared. Despite himself, Astarion brought his fingers up to where you kissed him, standing there like an imbecile as new feelings started to course through him. Emotions that he had no names for.

Maybe... this was going to be a lot harder than he thought it would.

[moonselune]

Hello! May I request a fic where Astarion and the reader go through a little nightly routine together, like they chat and help each other get ready for bed 🥰 Thank you!

ִ ࣪𖤐 Astarion deserves all the pampering in the world ִ ࣪𖤐

As the day wound down and the last embers of the campfire flickered in the darkness, you and Astarion retreated to the quiet comfort of your shared tent. It had become a nightly ritual—a cherished routine that allowed you both to unwind from the trials of the day and find solace in each other's presence.

Inside the tent, the air was warm and filled with the lingering scent of herbs and leather. A few soft cushions and blankets were scattered around, creating a cozy nest where you and Astarion could relax together. You settled cross-legged on one side of the tent, while Astarion gracefully reclined against a pile of cushions opposite you.

"So, how was your day?" you asked, reaching for a small pouch of herbs that served as a makeshift tea. Astarion took the offered cup gratefully, savoring the soothing warmth as he recounted the day's events—the skirmishes with bandits, the unexpected encounter with a wandering bard, and the endless banter exchanged with the party members.

You listened attentively, laughing at his witty remarks and nodding sympathetically at the challenges he faced. Astarion's voice was a melody in the quiet of the tent, weaving tales of adventure and mischief that never failed to captivate you.

Once the tea was finished, you set aside the cups and moved closer to Astarion. With a gentle touch, you began to untangle his long, silvery hair, running your fingers through the locks with practiced ease. Astarion closed his eyes, leaning into your touch as a contented sigh escaped his lips.

"You know," he murmured, his voice low and filled with affection, "I never thought I'd find comfort in such mundane tasks."

You chuckled softly, continuing to brush his hair with careful strokes. "It's the little things that matter, my darling. Besides, I rather enjoy pampering you."

Astarion opened one eye, giving you a playful smirk. "Pampering, is it? I suppose I could get used to being spoiled by you."

With a teasing glint in your eye, you set the brush aside and reached for a small jar of moisturizing cream. Astarion watched with mild curiosity as you scooped out a dollop and began to massage it into his scalp, your fingers working in gentle circles.

"You have to take care of your hair, you know," you teased, your voice laced with mock seriousness. "Can't have it getting tangled during our next battle."

He chuckled, tilting his head to give you better access. "Of course, my love. Wouldn't want to disappoint you with unkempt locks."

Once his hair was properly cared for, Astarion returned the favor, retrieving another jar from your shared supplies and offering to massage your shoulders. The warmth of his touch eased the tension that had settled there, his skilled fingers working magic against the knots of fatigue.

As the night deepened, conversation flowed effortlessly between you. You shared stories of your pasts, dreams for the future, and whispered secrets that only the darkness of night could hold. The quiet intimacy of these moments, the simple act of caring for each other, forged a bond stronger than any battle or hardship.

Eventually, when the candles burned low and the weariness of the day caught up with you both, you retreated under the covers of your shared bedroll. Astarion wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close as you nestled against his chest, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat lulling you into a peaceful slumber..

Hope you enjoyed it ! - Seluney x

[eff-plays]

Found some really good analysis of Astarion having 10 Charisma on a Youtube video, plus comparisons to a bard Tav because bard supremacy.

Text version under the cut!

Youtube comment from user TF2CrunchyFrog:

Astarion having a default Charisma of only 10 feels like the biggest joke of the entire game. Like, the one characters whose background story as a vampire spawn involves is him having spent the past 170 years being basically prostituted by Cazador his vampire master, being forced to rely on seduction and manipulation to survive, the guy that even various NPCs and even the Narrator remark about how beautiful he is canonically... But instead of the game devs making him a Bard, he's the DEX-based Rogue (I mean, he's a darn good Rogue, but) with the potential Arcane Trickster subclass (which needs INT as base attribute). When I played an Origin run as Astarion, I respecced him slightly and lowered his CON from 15 to 14 and his WIS from 13 to 12 and used that to upgrade his CHA to 12. Astarion being a Rogue is the anomaly here... because when did he learn that? If he was a magistrate while alive -- although the writers chucked the rest of his tentative background story from the earliest stages of the games back in 2020 into the dumpster and changed "corrupt" into "tragic", which gave him more depth, so maybe him claiming at first meeting that he's a magistrate in Baldur's Gate is him serving you a double-lie instead of just a single lie (as he hasn't been whatever profession or status he had while alive for the past nearly 200 years).

BiRios replying to TF2CrunchyFrog:

or all his charm is well…superficial. His skills don’t actually lie there. At least that’s how I took it. He’s all this pomp and circuses but by now it’s just…flat

Raikos100 replying to BiRios:

tbh I agree. Feels like he always not taking things serious, like always joking around, so in a sense you usually don't trust him for anything with his attitude, it's not someone you would trust or take a word irl. Guy tells you "only a sip" and proceeds to suck you dry like a capri sun 😂

samisuhonen9815 replying to TF2CrunchyFrog:

I think he has a 10 in charisma because he is naturally and superficially charming. But in reality, he is not a SKILLED charmer or a smooth talker. Someone who has 16 or more charisma, is a capable of lying, deceiving, performing, even at the cost of one's ego. He/she has the skills to adapt and spin new wild stories on the spot, improvising at all times. I don't think Astarion really has that. He knows how to sound fancy. He knows how to be sarcastic and witty. But he is not someone who can appeal to any person and talk his way out of anything. Say he gets blamed for something. His selfish and defensive instinct would be to insult the person back. A true charisma giga chad is able to see that this sort of behavior will not get him/her what he/she wants. He/she is able to de-escalate the situation and redirect it into a direction that gets the rizzler what he/she wants.

river8783 replying to samisuhonen9815:

Exactly. Playing a bard Tav highlights this difference really well. Half the options listed as solutions during conversations are ones you know Astarion wouldn't think of, or fail miserably at because of all the reasons you listed. He's fun and funny, but also he should thank his lucky stars you're there to talk for him cause he'd be so freakin dead on his own.

[maeofthenoldor]

As Tolkien often observed; “names often generate a story” and always nearly contributed or suggested something of the nature or personality of the character, thing or place that has been named. Yet the most intriguing name he has created in my opinion, is the main protagonist of “The Hobbit” Bilbo Baggins who is the hero of the classic tale, and despite being seen as such, his name holds interesting and contradicting connotations. For Baggins suggests harmless, humble and well- contented characters (though with criminal undertones!) Yet the name Bilbo suggests an individual who is sharp, intelligent and even dangerous….

The family name of Bilbo is  “Baggins” which derives from a double source-the English Somerset surname Bagg, which means “moneybag” or “wealthy.” The term “Baggins" itself means “afternoon tea or snack between meals” and at first is appropriate in describing our well off  hobbit. Initially he is presented as a mildly comic, home-loving, upper middle class “gentle hobbit” who seems harmless and composed enough, if given to some annoyance. He is mostly concerned with his mothers dishes, doilies, domestic comforts and food. However, once recruited by Thorin and his Company, we see the respectable gentle hobbit reveal his true colours- he is an excellent and highly skilled burglar.

Tolkien has maintained that his tales are often inspired by names and words from the real world, and indeed, in the jargon of the nineteenth-and early twentieth century criminal underworld there were a cluster of names around the term “bag” and forms of theft. “To bag” means to capture, to acquire, or to steal. “A baggage man” is an outlaw who carries off the loot and a “bagman” is the man who collects and distributes gold on the behalf of others by dishonest means or purposes.

His surname not only characterises himself, but also plots out the narrative for the story. For in the hobbit we discover Baggins is hired by Dwarves to bag the Arkenstone. He then becomes the baggage man who carries off the loot. When he realises Thorin has fallen under the gold sickness, he becomes the bagman and is dishonest to the newly crowned king, distributing the Arkenstone to Thrandruil and Bard. After the Battle Of The Five Armies he hands out the treasure to those who are rightfully in need of it, and thus ends him being the bagman.

Another aspect of Bilbo Baggins character can be revealed by the analysis of his first name. The word “Bilbo” entered the English language in the late sixteenth century as a name for a short and deadly piercing sword of the kind once made in the Spanish port city of Bilbao where the name derives from. This is an excellent description of Bilbo's elvish sword (often called a letter opener) named “Sting.” Found in the troll hoard, Bilbo's “bilbo” can pierce through any animal hide that would break any other sword. In The Hobbit however, it is the hero's sharp wit rather than his sword that gives Bilbo his sharpness. Bilbo's well-honed wits allow him to survive the journey and to trick monsters, a dragon  and to get himself out of bad situations. 

When we put these two names together as Bilbo Baggins, we fully understand the two aspects of his character, showing someone who is dangerously witty, but ultimately good and humble to a fault. If we want to dig deeper into how these names also affected the events of the Lord Of The Rings, one has to look no further than Frodo Baggins.

 Along with the Baggins family name, further “baggage” is passed on to Bilbo's nephew and heir, Frodo Baggins who in the context of the one ring is a link to another underworld occupation; the bagger or the bag thief. This bagger or bag thief has nothing to do with baggage, but is derived from the French word bauge, meaning “ring.” A bagger then, is a thief who specialises in stealing rings by seizing a victim's hand and stripping off its rings. It had common usage in Britain's criminal underworld between 1890 to 1940. The Baggins name holds the idea and plot for both The Hobbit and Lord Of The Rings. For Bilbo's skill as a burglar, one might say that in the perspective of outsiders, the Baggins baggers of Bag End, Bilbo and Frodo, are naturally born ring thieves.

[re-bee-key]

Honestly, it's so wild tumblr isn't obsessed with Willow. With all the talk of love for old campy scifi fantasies like Xena, Farscape, Stargate, Buffy, the list goes on. You'd think tumblr would love a show that honors the old campy style while merging it with a more modern rebellious style. It's a show that has scenes with rock music that watch like a youtube scene compliation. It feels like fanfiction. But in a good way. In the way that fanfic writers know how to choose exciting scenes and weave epic romances and character arcs with action. It's a show with lesbians whose love language is sword fighting. A rogueish himbo who is loyal and witty and there's a whole scene where he plays sexy in a waterfall and he likes to get tied up by his girlfriend. The saddest nerdiest emo bard with a heart of gold. And, a female chosen-one, almost like a firey fanon Zelda - learns magic but is most passionate about cooking. Like... I could go on. The plot is fun and exciting. Reminds me of playing DnD with my friends. The cast is fun and weird and queer and make playlists for their characters and like our fanart.

Like, its just wild to me. But anyways, if you read this and are intrigued and havnt seen Willow yet. Please do. Im reaching out my hand, asking you to trust me. Its so good.

[justporo]

This started as a comment on the last domestic headcanon posts, so here you go...

Day in the life of an ascended vampire lord (Astarion)

Wakes up at 11 or something because last night's debauchery went on until like 6 in the morning

Gets dressed in new clothes and throws the old ones away

Has the blood of some virgins for a quick and healthy breakfast

Has his portrait painted (yes, every day!)

Then stares directly into the sun just because he can

Works on some witty insults because everyone else is a cretin

Then there's some quick brooding he has scheduled so he sits on his throne, has some wine from a pure gold chalice for lunch and works on deepening the crease between his brows

Gaslights some people into becoming his loyal servants in the afternoon (while sitting on his throne, one leg up over the side)

Gets dressed in some other outfit because the old one got boring

Soaks in a tub while letting himself be sung about by bards and complimented as his pre-dinner affirmations

Some more delectable necks for vamp dinner

Lays around on a chaise longue half naked as an evening pastime with naked dancers all around

Quick orgy in between

Beauty sleep to keep him fresh and world-endingly beautiful

[augustinewrites]

autumn tends to be dawn winery’s busiest season.

because the harvest season heralds weinlesefest, which brings people from all over to mondstadt to celebrate, well, wine. so, it goes without saying that dawn winery not only has their own booth set up, but also supplies bars all over the city, hosts more wine tours and tastings, and works hard to accommodate the rise in exports to all over teyvat.

and if dawn winery is busy, that means diluc is busy. he’s got less free time, frequently going over budgets with elzer, meeting with potential vendors, and overseeing the winery’s increased day to day activity.

but weinlesefest is special, and while most of the ragnvindr’s family traditions died with his father, this one was much too precious to let go. especially now that diluc had a family of his own.

your two children hold wicker baskets as they walk through the orchard, each clutching one of their father’s hands. they love this little tradition as much as he does, listening intently as he lectures them in the art of picking the finest grapes.

he teaches them the textures to feel for, the scents. it’s a little much for a three and four year old to understand, but they get the point when he gives them ideal grapes to munch on.

tonight, they’ll even get to crush what they’ve harvested themselves. though most of the winery’s products are crushed in a press, the age-old maceration method of grape-treading is part of the fun and messy ragnvindr tradition.

there’s a soft smile gracing his face as he follows them around the orchard, lifting your little daughter in his arms to help her reach the grapes at the top of the vine. it’s a sight that pulls the words right out of your mouth and instead resonates deep within your chest.

you’re content to watch from your spot on the picnic blanket, humming as you unpack the lunch adelinde had prepared.

“do you think we picked enough grapes for aunt jean?” you hear him ask, to which they both nod fervently.

“well, you definitely didn’t pick enough for uncle kaeya.”

your daughter’s little face lights up as said uncle strolls into the vineyard, eyeing the rows of unpicked grapes like a cat that got the canary. “uncle kaeya!”

diluc rolls his eyes as his kids run toward the cavalry captain, but the smile on his face is fond as his brother (who is, much to his chagrin, his children’s favourite at the moment) kneels down to wrap them up in his arms. your husband makes his way back to your side, groaning as he sits beside you on the blanket.

“of all the people,” he muses, shaking his head slightly, watching as kaeya leads your children in harvesting more than the required bunches of grapes, giggling together as they do so. “the grandmaster of the knights, the chief alchemist, literally anyone else. even that bard.”

“he’s the cavalry captain,” you remind him, leaning into his side. “and he’s decent enough at watching the kids.”

he replies with a noncommittal hum, wrapping an arms around you and pressing a kiss to your temple. “we should have him babysit more often then. say…tomorrow night?”

“it has been a while since we’ve gone out,” you agree. a night out is just what the two of you need after how busy the both of you have been preparing for the festival.

“i know. i’ll make us a reservation and you…you can put on that black dress i like.”

you shake your head, face suddenly hot with embarrassment when you remember what’d happened the last time you’d worn the dress. “oh no. the black dress is retired, diluc.”

“since when?”

“since i had two children!”

“then i bet it’ll fit even better now because of—” he gestures vaguely at your chest.

you’re about to offer him a witty retort when you see kaeya appears before the both of you, your daughter clutching his hand and rubbing at her eyes. “looks like someone’s feeling the effect of missing her nap.”

you move to take her, but diluc beats you to it. “i’ve got her.”

of course, your little girl relaxes at the sight of her father, holding her arms out to him. diluc hoists her up, pressing his lips to her forehead and murmuring something only she can hear, her little face scrunching with laughter as he nudges her nose with his. “come on, let’s go get your brother so we can crush some grapes.”

“it’s like they get cuter everyday,” kaeya sighs, joining you in watching your little family in the vineyard. “you guys did good.”

“we ‘did good?’” you chuckle, sending him a strange look.

“yeah,” he shrugs. “it’s good to have proof that my straight-laced brother’s had sex more than once in his life.”

you roll your eyes, but are unable to hold back a smile. "what about you?"

“oh, i’ve had way more se—”

“i meant kids, kaeya.”

he hangs his head between his legs, shoulders trembling as he laughs. "ah, my lifestyle isn't exactly conducive to kids right now," he tells you.

then, after a moment, "someday, though. definitely someday."

you watch as diluc shifts his daughter into one arm, scooping your son up with the other. you’re graced with one of his rare, soft smiles when they both cuddle into him, clinging to his neck.

"hey, kaeya?" you ask. "do you feel like babysitting tomorrow?"

[spicyraeman]

6 because if yesterday's lore post i wanna know more about themmmm

I was really hoping someone would ask this one so ty a bunch!

[Tav Ask Game]

6. Does your Tav have any friends from their past? Are they still friends?

Vir’s old friend group consisted of them (nicknamed Scout at the time) and 4 others: Boss, Queenie, Soldier Boy, and Ace.

(soldier boy and ace's desgins are a little outdated here but I can't mod my game rn and im too lazy to draw them lol)

Boss (Gaius): A tiefling paladin Warlock and the leader of their little group of misfits. Virra’s bestfriend - soulmate? Lover? Biggest Regret. He was a beacon of hope, a man completely devoted to making sure his family was safe, secure, and wanted for nothing; the perfect target for a devil's contract.

When he eventually failed to live up to his end of the deal, a small army of fiends descended upon their guildhall to seize their ill-gotten gains and drag him into the hells. Queenie and Virranan were the only others to survive the ordeal and Vir blames himself for not noticing the signs sooner.

Virran swore that if she ever saw him again, she’d kill him.

Queenie (Kiaran): Half-Drow Bard, the bubbly and charismatic morale of the group, and Vir’s favorite dancing buddy. She often served as a distraction during heists and moonlighted as a general performer at various Inns. After Gaius’ betrayal, performing became her main gig, and she now owns a small tavern in the lower city.

She and Virran haven’t spoken since they buried Ace and Soldier Boy, but Vir’s been keeping tabs on her and pulling strings in the background to keep her safe.

Soldier Boy (Nicholas): Half-Orc Fighter, he was the muscle of the company, known for being a bit of a menace but a gentle giant to the group. More often than not he could be found at the guild bar making drinks and looking to knock the heads of new recruits.

He was killed protecting Queenie during the guildhall raid and Vir was forced to drag him out because she refused to leave his body behind.

Ace (Lunetta): Halfling Rogue, their ace (haha) in the hole when It came to heists, the best pickpocket and sneak thief in the guild. She wasn’t as sociable as the rest but she was known for her witty and deeply sarcastic attitude and It wasn’t uncommon to see her riding on Virran or Soldier Boy’s shoulders.

It took a week to find her body amongst the wreckage, only identifiable by her necklace.

[ofwinterandspring]

THE REGENT / THE UNCLE

When Segal Moriel heard of his sister's demise at the hands of Levanmount, he knew he would do anything to protect and avenge the Moriel family name. And he did. He made waste of the Levan royal bloodline and forced its people under Aesian rule. That was ten years ago. Still, the Levan's want their sovereign, but how safe can it be to crown the Heir when he's spent those same ten years fighting insurrections.

charismatic ✘ shrewd ✘ proud ✘ trustful ✘ resentful

THE COUSIN / THE SCIENTIST

Although Rochlin Moriel's father preferred he'd locked himself in his lab than make a mockery of their family name. His father's disdain has not stopped the Heir from granting him all their support. With the looming war and stories of a deadly prophecy soon to unfold, he's ding all he can short of taking the throne, to help the Heir see another day.

loyal ✘ resourceful ✘ diplomatic ✘ persuasive ✘ grounded

THE HEIR'S GUARDIAN

Yardane Zered, better known as Dane, had barely been twenty-seven when he made an oath that if anything should happen to Aerben, his best friend and captain, he would take on the responsibility as legal guardian of Aerben's child. Dane never got to ask why Aerben thought him capable of raising a child. Or why Aerben had chosen to go on a trip that he'd never return from. All Dane knew was that he had a promise to keep and a child to raise and protect.

cynical ✘ stubborn ✘ diligent ✘ wise ✘ gentle

THE ASSASSIN

Santana Dur, a charming and witty barmaid most days. No one would guess that she was the same assassin many believed to be the demon from the woods. And she would have kept her anonymity had she not attempted to rob a curious and heavily disguised Heir out of sheer boredom. So maybe she gains a secret she can leverage at any moment's notice, but what good would it be when the Heir offers her gold and silver in exchange for her services.

unpredictable ✘ secretive ✘ fearless ✘ arrogant ✘ blunt

THE GUARDS / THE TWINS

The inside joke between the Riders is that Aymel and Lyron Dur must have shared a womb and have been lied to by their mothers. Because no matter what, it seems that the two can never be separated from each other for very long. Where they find one, the other is not far behind. Unfortunately, meeting the two can only mean one thing and that's imminent death. As guards to the Heir, they take their job seriously. Now, if anyone cares to even whisper of the things these two get up to at night rest assure that they will cease to exist.

intelligent ✘ daring ✘ flirtatious ✘ mischievous ✘ dramatic personable ✘ reliable ✘ genial ✘ charitable ✘ thorough

THE STORYKEEPER [THE SEER]

No one seems to know much about Zephan Caeth, the bard who loitered Aesian roads and caught the sights of their Heir, earning themselves the official title of Storykeeper of the Lands. All anyone knows is that whenever they play their oud, a truth is unveiled and little can be done to anticipate the lies it will break. They're a menace to all who wish to be ignorant and it's no surprise why the Aesian's are taken to them.

insightful ✘ artistic ✘ guarded ✘ diplomatic ✘ skeptical

THE GUARDIAN OF RILCHANAR

In what seemed to be a matter of seconds, Vyath Lya and their ward were stripped from their title and escorted to the borders of their city with no chance of return. Having pledged an oath should have saved them both. But, their friend refused to be silenced. So they followed their friend into the brume knowing that they would never find their way back. And what did it matter? All Vyath cared about was figuring out how they'd be allowed back in.

strong-willed ✘ loyal ✘ confident ✘ stubborn ✘ rational

MASTER BLACKSMITH OF NERILLIS

As one of the few Master Blacksmiths of Nerillis, Ivar Gailion knew he would never see the world outside the great caves. With responsibilities like keeping the Eternal fires from burning out, an honor bestowed on few, he should have lived his Immortal life passing on his gift to his apprentice. And somehow by doing just that, he finds himself leaving the caves behind, headed on a nameless journey with his closest friends— the ungifted apprentice who came to them several years ago.

compassionate ✘ dependable ✘ patient ✘ hearty ✘ tactful

SON OF RO [ACOLYTE]

Fievel Ro, wasn't in a place to question Ro's plan. If Ro thought that they best served as the Regent's hired protection, than they'd do just that. And, what was there to question when they were paid handsomely for it? Everything they ever wanted was at the tips of their fingers. So why was it that despite Ro's strict orders to stay away from the Heir, they couldn't stay away?

clever ✘ seductive ✘ self-indulgent ✘ reserved ✘ unreliable

[nerdalmighty]

hey! so, i just recently started playing baldur's gate 3 after seeing people put it all over my dash for months--and you're one of the people i've seen reblogging a lot of posts about it LOL. so if you don't mind me asking, i was wondering what kind of character do you/did you play as? and do you have any sort of backstory for your tav that you'd like to share?

Hoooooooooooooh my god thank you so much for asking. I have a friend who comes over to watch me play on Thursdays and I make a powerpoint every week to catch her up on what she missed - this week's powerpoint literally has slides about my Tav's background (more on those later). This is about to be long, I'm about to drop ALL my lore so buckle up! AND THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY BG3 BRAIN WORMS!!!!! I'm glad they convinced you to play 😈

So to begin, I've been in my first ever dnd campaign with a group of friends for a little over a year now. I didn't know much about Baldur's Gate except that it was a dnd video game and that you could romance people. Me, being a Big Fan of Romance And Fantasy was like "okay well I'm in" and my friend actually let me start a game at his house. Through that, I met Shadowheart, Gale, and Astarion.

Backing up a bit to my character; I decided I'd put my character from my irl dnd campaign into the game since I already knew her whole deal. I get pretty overwhelmed with making decisions, ESPECIALLY with big open world games like bg3, so knowing who/what I wanted to be really helped me out.

In the campaign I'm in with friends, it's pirate themed, and I play a half-elf bard named Birdie Harp who's secretly half-siren (murder mermaid). To make a long story very short, she was born in the arctic and escaped her murderous pod during a coming-of-age trial where she also lost her siren abilities (hypnotizing voice, breathing underwater, etc).

I've watched a ton of Dimension 20 which is an actual play show on Dropout.tv (an "actual play" is where you watch other people run a campaign of dnd - like Critical Role, which a lot of people have at least heard of - HIGHLY recommend Dimension 20, as I find it incredibly funny and easier to get into than CR because of the episode lengths), and I knew that I really liked the silliness and theatricality of the bard class. I also loved the bards from The Owl House which helped influence my decision as well.

To be honest, Birdie is my first ever dnd character, so she's basically a self insert but with a MUCH more traumatic backstory than me (this IS dnd after all). As for the half-elf aspect, it was more of an "I want to be half mermaid, what's similar to that?" as opposed to a love for half-elves or something.

BACK TO BALDUR'S GATE - knowing I wanted Birdie to be in the game, I felt a lot less overwhelmed to come up with something entirely new - I knew a lot about the bard class having played one so I wanted to CONTINUE playing one (and I've learned even more since playing bg3!).

When I finally got my own game (I no longer play at my friend's house, but in the comfort of my own home), I recreated Birdie and started on my journey in earnest. I'm VERY MUCH someone who likes to be in control and know what to expect, so I've had guides and walkthroughs to help me the whole time - SUE ME! When it came to first meeting Shadowheart, Gale, and Astarion back at my friend's house, Gale actually immediately stole my heart - a kind, witty wizard who likes books and cats? Literally say less. I went home from that session with my friend fully thinking I'd be a Gale girlie until I really looked into the other options and saw The Vampire.

Blah blah blah, he's hot and funny, but he can also be incredibly soft, which really won me over in the end. So I've been romancing That Guy.

Through Acts 1 and 2, I wasn't all too sure about this version of Birdie's background - sure she COULD still be that half-siren from the arctic, but the game kept suggesting she was FROM Baldur's Gate. I LOVED the inclusion of the harpies in Act 1 and thought maybe that was a viable entry point for her backstory, but so far, she was kind of just... me? She was making the choices I wanted to make (and a few that I knew Astarion would like lmao), but she wasn't really her own entity apart from me except for her name. She also felt vastly different from that character I'd created for my friends over a year ago. For instance, my irl Birdie currently has a crush on a Gale-type character, but this Birdie is ass deep in Astarion (hey, sorry I said "ass deep in Astarion"). The thing I love about Baldur's Gate 3 is how you can really come up with your own backstories, since the in-game one for your Tav is so vague. It's totally fine to ignore tiny details in the game and mold them to your own headcanons for your Tav, but I was so unsure of what I wanted for this Birdie that I kind of internalized that she was from Baldur's Gate.

HEADS UP! The following has some spoilers for Act 3 and some side quests, so STOP reading if that's something you'd care to avoid (the last 3 paragraphs of this post are SAFE from spoilers):

When Act 3 finally rolled around (which is where I am currently, I only have the one playthrough so far because I become INCREDIBLY attached to things), I stumbled across the Water Queen's House in Baldur's Gate. Ah ha! Now this felt promising.

A temple dedicated to the Vengeful Sea Goddess, Umberlee, and her loyal Wave Servants to serve her. It's ocean themed, it has mermaid undertones, and their goddess is basically evil. Seems like the perfect place to FINALLY insert this version of Birdie. I wasn't 100% sure until I completed the Iron Throne mission and was faced with either handing a (mostly) innocent man over to the Wave Servants, or fighting to defend him.

Here are a few of the slides from this week's powerpoint that I mentioned all the way back at the start, starting with SOME background on the Wave Servants:

Ass and Shart are what I affectionately call Astarion and Shadowheart (Also I got this beautiful "Birdie" art on Pinterest which originated from someone named Dantrelium on Reddit):

Apologies for the small text here, but there are some more details about THIS Birdie here, which I literally made up/figured out earlier this week:

Essentially, this Birdie was born at the Water Queen's House as Kittiwake Crest - Kittiwakes are common arctic birds, which I thought would be a nice little homage to the original character she was based off of. She was raised by the collective of Wave Servants there, the main one being Flood Tide Allandra Grey who seems to be head honcho at the Wave Mother's House (in this reality, she is).

Since Umberlee is such a vengeful goddess, I imagine she asked her Wave Servants to commit unspeakable acts in her name, mainly drownings, which THEY see as merciful, but I think Birdie always saw as horrifying. Who were they to decide the fates of others? I also think that the Wave Servants themselves were abusive during her upbringing to keep her in line (but much like how Nocturne was a light in the darkness for Shadowheart, I don't think EVERY Wave Servant was evil). GOTTA have a classic tragic backstory.

Upon researching Umberlee, I learned that most of her servants are clerics, so in my mind, that means Birdie was raised to eventually become one, with her official title eventually going to be "Seawind Kittiwake Crest." Is she still half-siren/mermaid though? Not entirely sure. This IS a magical world though, so I'd be inclined to say yes, probably.

But when we first meet the Wave Servants, they're singing beautifully for their drowned sister, Holli. I think Birdie REALLY loved music and singing with her sisters and secretly trained herself in bard magic when she should have been learning to be a cleric. It's also a classic trait of bards to hide their pain through humor, so I often imagine the type of stupid things Birdie gets up to to bring herself joy (my favorite headcanon being when you meet Skittle the Rat in Wyrm's Rock prison - he's a rat merchant who speaks exclusively in puns. I think Birdie and Gale would excitedly throw puns back and forth with Skittle while Astarion and Shadowheart begrudgingly (and affectionately) roll their eyes in the background).

Another thing I love about the game is how you can string together your own ideas of how companions react to things between big cut scenes. For example, in my head, in my game, Astarion has really become a Big Softy thanks to how fucking Stupid (affectionate) Birdie acts in life and has drawn him out of his shell, but also runs a tag team scam with her where she plays her lute to distract people while he loots an entire place. Gale is Birdie's partner in crime when it comes to tomfoolery and loves to joke and fool around with her (so long as it goes easy on his knees). And Shadowheart is basically a sister figure who flip flops between sassing with Astarion and joining in on the fun. THEY'RE JUST THE BEST, OKAY? OF COURSE I'M GONNA WALK AROUND WITH A BUNCH OF IDIOTS. I LOVE THEM.

Anyway, back to Birdie's backstory: she always hated the atrocities that were asked of her, and she was looking for a way out, but was too scared to take that step and leave since the Wave Mother's House is all she's ever known. One night, while stepping out to quietly dip her toes in the water, the Mindflayers captured her, and that's where we start Act One, all the way up on the Nautiloid. She changed her name to Birdie to distance herself from her previous life, fully took up the bard class, and the rest is history.

Back to that dilemma with handing over that (mostly) innocent guy or fighting the Wave Servants: with encouragement from the party, they convince Birdie to face her traumatic upbringing and fight the Wave Servants once and for all. At this point in Act 3, she's basically helped every single person with their problems except her own. Here's another slide featuring Ass and Birdie:

That's right folks, Birdie faced her past! But the bad news is we don't get to see Astarion in this (audio from The Adventurous Adventures of One Direction):

(Video description - Astarion from Baldur's Gate 3 wearing the Wave Mother's Armor with the following audio:

Guard 1: Whoa, check it out.

Guard 2: Hubba hubba hubba.

Gaurd 1: Nice. I love dudes in skirts.

END VIDEO.) I don't want to tell you how many times I recorded that until I felt like I got it right lol. Also yes, I DID do a scum save where I handed the guy over ONCE just so I could see Ass in this outfit, but Birdie did canonically save Redhammer in my actual save file.

And honestly, that's BASICALLY it for now! My most recent save was after that battle, so I need to figure out if Birdie's going to go back with her party to confront the rest of (or most of) the Wave Servants, or if this chapter of her life is closed.

In an ideal world I'd LOVE to make one of those artsy gif edits of my Tav like this and this, but PS5s make it hard to download clips without uploading them to YouTube first which I don't really want to do.

Thank you SO MUCH for this ask, I had a blast writing it!! Sorry it's so long, I just love this game so much and LOVE talking about it. Please feel free to ask more questions OR chat with me about YOUR Tav! I'd love to hear all about them :)

[samstree]

“Ow, ow, ow…” Jaskier hisses, holding his injured shoulder still. The arrow pulls at his flesh suddenly. “Ow! Are you trying to kill me, witch?”

He turns around to send a glare, only to find Yennefer rolling her eyes.

“It needs to come out so I can heal you, bard,” she says pointedly, one hand holding him by the arm, the other wrapped around that gods-damned arrow. “Now hold still, and stop being a baby.”

She mumbles something about even Ciri making less of a fuss with injuries, and Jaskier makes his most offended noise, ready to throw back more insults.

“I’ll have you know, I was the bravest bait who ever lived, as appointed by a princess! And this is the proof of my bravery! How many bards have taken an arrow in the back? Nary one, I say! I am not being a baby, you cruel, heartless—”

A sharp pain shoots through his shoulder as Yennefer pulls out the arrow in one swift motion, nearly blinding him. Jaskier’s breath catches, and all sounds die in his throat as the world darkens for a moment. The surprise of it all leaves him shaking, his chest heaving.

“It’ll be over soon…”

Distantly, Jaskier knows Yennefer is saying something as she works her magic, but all he can focus on is the pain and the warm trickle of blood down his back. He touches the tips of his fingers on instinct, a self-soothing motion he’s developed in the past year.

“Hey.”

A gentle hand lands on where the arrow struck him, and Jaskier gasps, realizing Yennefer is now touching smooth, unbroken skin. All the pain is gone.

“Hmm,” Jaskier says, intelligently, blinking as he tries to move his shoulder. Nothing tugs at the muscles underneath. He’s as good as new. “Oh, I—Yennefer, I guess I should—”

“Don’t thank me.” She has sat down beside him, one hand still on his shoulder, a magical tingling under her fingertips. “Promised I’d save you, didn’t I?”

Jaskier chuckles, exhaling with relief. “Did you? Not before tormenting me greatly, though.”

Yennefer blinks, violet eyes boring into him. The next thing he knows, she’s leaning down to press her lips to his shoulder, right where the phantom pain has faded. The kiss ends quickly, but it is soft, bordering on sweet.

“Oh…” he breathes.

His skin is now tingling for an entirely different reason.

“What about now, oh brave bard?” she asks, half-teasing, half-sincere. Their hands find each other’s, linking together. She squeezes in reassurance, careful to avoid the burn scars on his fingers. “Still cruel and heartless?”

Jaskier holds onto her hand in return, heart picking up its pace. He doesn’t know how she does it, driving him up the wall and making his insides melt into a warm puddle of goo at the same time, all the while being her most infuriatingly witty self. There must be a special magic spell for it.

“No,” he answers, a smile stretching across his face. She raises her eyebrows, as a challenge, as a dare, but he settles on something also half-teasing, half-sincere. “Kind and generous, is what you are, my dear, dear witch.”

He takes Yennefer’s hand to his lips and kisses her in return, and watches violet eyes melt with warmth.

If there was a magic spell, Jaskier thinks, he must have been enchanted by her a long time ago.

(this is for @cherryjuicegf <33 I counted the number of crumbs you were getting and took pity...)

[sidekick-hero]

Okay but hear me out. The new dnd movie was like watching a campaign designed by Eddie - only that Eddie also played a character.

I mean Edgin (HELLO??? ED???) Darvis, a bard that lives as a thief but is chaotic good and does the right thing in the end??? Who is witty and sarcastic and cunning and charms people all the time with his words and his music and who is also a chaotic racoon man?

And then they meet the Paladin Xenk Yendar, who is the hottest fucking thing that ever graced this earth?? Who fights like he was born to do it, graceful and athletic and so, so strong? All while looking like a god? And he is lawful good, protects the weak and is haunted by his past? A past where he lost everyone he ever loved so he doesn't get attached but is willing to risk his fucking life to save the bard that keeps on mocking him?? Who is painfully sincere but also has hidden depth and definitely a sense of humor even if it's hard to detect?

And at first the bard hates the paladin, doesn't trust him because of what his kind represents to him (Steve, a former jock and Eddie's mistrust of jocks because they hurt him and his like). And yet the bard can't leave the paladin alone. And the paladin believes in the bard even when the bard himself doesn't ("Give yourself a break man" Steve said to Eddie when Eddie joked about himself being a coward). And then the paladin saves the bard's life and the bard has to admit that the paladin is actually a good guy???

I'm sorry but where is the steddie AU for this movie????

[lulii999]

Introducing my latest Tav: Val!

She’s witty, pretty and preppy. She’s sarcastic and ridiculously persuasive, preferring to leave the actual fighting to her comrades or summons in battle while cheering them on from the side, either that or by convincing the enemy that it’d actually be a great idea to off themselves then and there.

I ended up romancing Gale with her, who I think both greatly admires and greatly fears that silver tongue of hers.

Also Baldur’s Gate did bards so well I’m like obsessed.