#wizards as programmer

[pearls-gone-wild]

I want to see wizard code review.

I'm a big fan of wizards-as-programmers, but I think it's so much better when you lean into programming tropes.

A spell the wizard uses to light the group's campfire has an error somewhere in its depths, and sometimes it doesn't work at all. The wizard spends a lot of his time trying to track down the exact conditions that cause the failure.

The wizard is attempting to create a new spell that marries two older spells together, but while they were both written within the context of Zephyrus the Starweaver's foundational work, they each used a slightly different version, and untangling the collisions make a short project take months of work.

The wizard has grown too comfortable reusing old spells, and in particular, his teleportation spell keeps finding its components rearranged and remixed, its parts copied into a dozen different places in the spellbook. This is overall not actually a problem per se, but the party's rogue grows a bit concerned when the wizard's "drying spell" seems to just be a special case of teleportation where you teleport five feet to the left and leave the wetness behind.

A wizard is constantly fiddling with his spells, making minor tweaks and changes, getting them easier to cast, with better effects, adding bells and whistles. The "shelter for the night" spell includes a tea kettle that brings itself to a boil at dawn, which the wizard is inordinately pleased with. He reports on efficiency improvements to the indifference of anyone listening.

A different wizard immediately forgets all details of his spells after he's written them. He could not begin to tell you how any of it works, at least not without sitting down for a few hours or days to figure out how he set things up. The point is that it works, and once it does, the wizard can safely stop thinking about it.

Wizards enjoy each other's company, but you must be circumspect about spellwork. Having another wizard look through your spellbook makes you aware of every minor flaw, and you might not be able to answer questions about why a spell was written in a certain way, if you remember at all.

Wizards all have their own preferences as far as which scripts they write in, the formatting of their spellbook, its dimensions and material quality, and of course which famous wizards they've taken the most foundational knowledge from. The enlightened view is that all approaches have their strengths and weaknesses, but this has never stopped anyone from getting into a protracted argument.

Sometimes a wizard will sit down with an ancient tome attempting to find answers to a complicated problem, and finally find someone from across time who was trying to do the same thing, only for the final note to be "nevermind, fixed it".

[bonesjaunst]

It's not like we're going to get kaiju popping up !

[astranauticus]

the rwd season 4 qna inspired me to start thinking about college au headcanons except a lot of these are gonna be really specific to my school and y'all are just gonna have to deal with that <3

Kyana feeds some of the school cats. she would feed all of them if she could

Dani smuggled Plug (the scrawniest black cat you've ever seen) into her dorm room illegally and somehow management hasn't caught her yet (based on a true story) (Kyana visits to see Plug all the time)

Finbar keeps an updated tier list of every canteen in the school with breakdowns of the best stalls/dishes for each

A senior from the school of engineering once said to me 'all the engineering people dress like rats cuz our classrooms don't have aircon' (context: tropics) anyway that's Dani

Kyana would probably be involved in a lot of freshman orientation events from second year onwards. she just likes talking to the new kids and giving them advice like she would be the kind of orientation group leader who'd get messages from her freshies asking about all kinds of random nonsense because she's made sure they know they can always contact her with questions

VR-LA is The Guy you go to for textbook pirating resources

(this is more of a 'wouldn't that be funny' but VR-LA is just Veerle's discord handle)

Docent is the name of VR-LA's old laptop that broke down so he gave it to Cassimere (computer engineering major he met once at a networking event) to fix except Cassimere got everything off the hard drive and then somehow managed to fuck it up Even More so he had to get a new laptop (and named it Emi)

Roy has gotten food poisoning from his dorm meal plan at least once (based on at least one true story)

The heap trio + Mandy would be those friends constantly playing majong in the dorm lounge and if all the majong tables are taken they just play in one of their dorm rooms on a towel to dampen the tile shuffling noises (it was Mandy's idea)

Every morning Dani goes to the drinks stall at her faculty and orders one iced coffee to the point where the stall owner starts preparing an iced coffee whenever they see her approach (based on my true story)

Roy would be one of those people who goes clubbing every other week and every time he tries to drag the rest of the heap trio and Egan almost always goes and Dani would go if she didn't have a good excuse but always begrudgingly. anyway Roy would always be the only one having a good time until Egan gets drunk enough to start having fun

Finbar actually uses the dorm kitchens instead of just buying canteen food and it always makes the hallways smell really good

Vhas also uses the dorm kitchen sometimes but like. one time i walked into the pantry on my floor and someone had left cut sweet potatoes and 2 eggs in an inch of water in a pan on the stove. that's Vhas

Kyana's constantly applying for overseas exchanges and international summer/winter school programmes. the world is large and she wants to see it!

Maxim's the definition of a hall phantom. you know he lives on your dorm floor because you pass him by in the hallways sometimes and literally nowhere else. sometimes you're not convinced that he actually exists

VR-LA and Maxim's friendship stems from them being from wildly different faculties (VR-LA's in STEM, Maxim's doing anthropology so arts/social sciences) but also having lots of weird interests they cant really bug anyone in their home faculties about

Elyse is in student government and every once in a while Finbar receives a series of angry texts about the newest idiocy she's had to put up with

MR-SN and AS-TR start a stargazing club together. other notable members include AS-TR's girlfriend E-DN, MR-SN's friend C-RA (the one who always volunteers to carry the heavy ass telescopes) and MR-SN's friend K-LB who he pestered into coming to fix one of the wonky scopes even though K-LB's actually in electrical engineering but he's the only engineering person MR-SN (an arts student) knows

oh and of course VR-LA joins because he genuinely just likes space (developing a crush on his club chairperson was not on his bingo card)

Kyana and E-DN were MMA sparring buddies at one point which is how she found out about the stargazing and joined immediately

honestly i can probably think of more but this post is fuckin long LMAO

[gottaarc]

I just spent the weekend doing my first ever 48 hour game jam and it was actually an alright experience :D

[what-even-is-thiss]

Types of wizard:

Demigod

Minor god

Just some asshole with a stick

Just some asshole with a stick immortal edition

Just some asshole with a stick necromancer edition

Biology major

Teen protagonist

Drug dealer

Undead asshole with a stick

Physics major

God’s most favorite little special guy who’s gonna save the world yes he is

Guy in a van

Drug dealer in a van

Preteen protagonist

Cool professor

Bad professor

Python programmer

Climate change scientist

Functionally an archer with extra steps

Man behind the curtain

Literally just Merlin

[catgirlforeskin]

I enjoy seeing the negativity towards D&D and wizards of the coast, but find it strange that magic the gathering somehow evades most of it and gets touted around as programmer sock adjacent basic tgirl universal experience. We need to open a second front on the war against WotC, play a new rpg, yes, but play a new card game too

[jevilowo]

Its been awhile I'm doing another one of These Things

What TV Shows the Mercs would watch

Scout: Baseball. Obviously. He loudly complains about the cartoons Pyro puts on, but never makes a grab for the remote or leaves the room.

Soldier: He's half convinced that the TV uses Communist Technology™ to hypnotise people into becoming hippies and attempts to blow it up every couple of days. He conveniently forgets his beliefs during the superbowl (first aired in 67, he could totally watch it!).

Pyro: Cartoons. Dramatic movies. Anything with fire in it. Horror movies (they giggle and clap gleefully every time someone dies brutally). Has a love-hate relationship with movie musicals.

Demo: Fan of mystery shows, courtroom dramas, and shitty B-Movies. Especially enjoys the (explosive) special effects. It's sad that Highlander and Braveheart weren't sixties movies, considering how many of Demo's weapons, achievements, voicelines and etc reference them.

Heavy: Old lady tv. Cooking shows. Gardening programmes. Watches tv mostly to fall asleep in front of. Has that dad instinct where he can tell if you've changed the channel despite being asleep.

Engie: Documentaries about new technology, mostly. I can see him being the kind of guy who's really into those technicolour musical films. Would probably cry at the end of Wizard of Oz.

Medic: Horror movies! Watches them with Pyro and Demo mostly and complains about the gorey stuff not being medically accurate. Would get overly invested in stupid sitcoms and hate it.

Sniper: Watches nothing but nature documentaries. If the channel is changed he will simply leave the room. What the fuck ever. I like to think he has a large collection of tapes and a vhs player in his van. Falls asleep every movie night without fail.

Spy: Thinks television is mostly beneath him, but doesn't hate movies. Enjoys watching spy movies and mansplaining how he would have done it to anyone who'll listen.

[sonjalikestodraw]

*wrestler announcer voice* Everybody! Give it up for Slay the Princess' TRUE tumblr sexyman:

the VOICE OF THE PARANOOOIIID!

Design notes:

Based on a canary; "the canary in the coalmine"

As a part of Slayer's psyche, represents Paranoia (and the autonomous nerve system)

Uses both she/her and he/him. I really love Paranoid as trans feminine/genderfluid for the Weird Girl Energy.

The wizard of the group, with his trusty show-stealing mantra as a spell!

Programmer socks because: she "programs" our body + matchy-matchy with her counterpart Cold + compression lowers stress + thick thighs save lives!

Dark and bloody color scheme with tatters to match Nightmare's vibe and make the clothes be as ragged as he feels.

Crimson Blood palette is default, and Silver Tears is for special occasions.

Pointy long peasant hood inspired by several other interpretations of Paranoid, among them @toon-topaz. It fits his jumpy self to have a hood and cloak to hide in when things get too overwhelming.

Again to ironically match Nightmare, Paranoid's hood is an eldritch part of her body. The hood has eyes and is constantly moving with his emotions, looking for danger.

Fluffy hair is cut short for practicality, but unkempt.

Always sleep-deprived with tired eyes.

The necklace with its gems represent our organs, and fills the same function as a magic wand. It's only revealed under the cloak as Paranoid finds her courage and gets to work.

[bluewizardnonesense]

And you can do a whole lot more with the old magic. The new magic is all “oh you want to cast malcazzar’s ray? You’re going to subscribe to malcazzar’s monthly tome.” But malcazzar’s beam requires the premium grimoire for some damn fool reason

“The old magic persists thanks to it’s unfathomable power.”

No, the old magic persists because the new magic can’t run the legacy spells I need to do my job, and keeps trying to install spirits I don’t want or need onto my orb.

[alphajocklover]

Like OMG hunty! This is like totes, such a fun little site you have here. Apps, charms, and all that like. So here is like the stitch bitch, I’m this super swishy liberal queen but like I’m also an actor. And I’m up for this part and like I totes don’t know why my agent even thought of it for me. He’s this super conservative, awful straight douche. Like totally obnoxious. Crude. Belittles women and guys like me. And like I said super conservative. And I was wondering like omg, this is silly but is there anyway you could make me fit the part?

I’m glad you like my work, though I’m a little offended at how you put it. Calling it ‘a fun little site’ makes me worry you might not be taking what you’re getting into very seriously. Being transformed is incredibly serious business. You’ll be giving up your identity, or at least a large part of it, to become someone else. And even the safest ways of doing transformations can go horribly wrong. Taking on that risk for a movie role… either you’re a fool, or an incredibly dedicated actor. Possibly both. I’m going to assume it’s just the latter for my own conscience, and because if that really is the case… I’m actually pretty impressed. To go as far as to use unnatural means to alter your body and mind so you can better fit a role… it speaks to a passion for your work that most people never find. So even though I’m still a little offended… I’ll help you. More than that, I’m going to make you one of the greatest actors of all time. This isn’t going to be an easy task. I know you specifically asked for help fitting into this one role, but if you’re going to become a truly great actor, you’re going to need range. Playing only straight douchebags will only get you so far. You’re going to need to be able to change to fit whatever role you’re playing, which means an ongoing transformation. Those aren’t very easy to pull off. There are ways to do it, but my work isn’t sophisticated enough to do those. I’m a decent TF reporter, but actually doing TFs is still fairly new for me. A spell could work, but it would take much more magic than I have. I’m not even sure a talented wizard could pull off a spell like that without a coven to back them up. My next option would be nanobots or something, like the kind the Douchebag Revolution uses. But I’d have to get some from the revolution, and then reprogram them… and I’m not exactly an expert programmer. Programming is hard enough, but programming nanobots? Magically charged nanobots? Yeah that's not happening. I could always ask my Uncle’s friend Nick, the devil I’ve mentioned before, since his magic can do some truly incredible and complicated things, but for something this big he’d definitely want your soul. Even the wishing supernova might not work, as wishes this complicated are incredibly hard to pull off right. None of the other methods I’ve mentioned before would work well either… so if we’re going to pull this off, we’ll have to use something different. Something new. Something like… A potions set! Now, that probably sounds a little strange. I mean, considering how complicated I just told you this transformation will be to pull off, making it work with some magic cocktail probably sounds crazy. The thing is I’m not giving you one potion. I’m giving you dozens of them. In the box you’ve just received are a large amount of potions, each one set to transform you into a different movie cliche. We’ve got one that will make you into a hardboiled detective, one that will turn you into a sports star, and even one that will make you into a superhero. And those are only some of them. Take a potion that's the closest to the role you want to get, and for the next 24 hours you’ll have the personality of that person, all while still remembering your true self. With this, you will literally be the perfect method actor! And with a little extra magic, people won’t even realize you’re doing it. They’ll just think you’re a great actor! With the set of potions I’ve given you, some hard work, and a bit of deception, you just might be the greatest actor to ever live. And when you’re not playing a role, you can always have some fun with the potions in your regular life. Why don’t you try one now? This one looks interesting. ‘The Action Hero’.

Ok… wow. That worked really well. I wasn’t sure it’d be this effective but I guess I’ve got a knack for potion making! I’m glad you like your new body so much. I would too honestly, look at those pecs! And the personality transformation aspect seems to be working well too, considering the hint of superiority in your smirk and how you can’t keep your eyes off the delivery woman's tits. Enjoy being a straight, douchebag action hero. And if you ever need a potion refill or anything specific, just let me know. Now stop flirting with that girl and get going, you’re going to miss your audition!

**I'll admit, I think this one might have gotten a little bit away from me. I've been thinking about potions a lot lately, and the idea of an actor literally transforming to fit a role really excited me. I know the person who sent this probably wanted a bigger focus on the douchebag part of the TF, but I got so excited by the idea. I hope you still like it, and feel free to send in another on**

[cryptotheism]

From a lay perspective of the time, would wizards be considered the nuclear scientists and computer programmers of their day?

No not even slightly. Yes we got Newton, and Parsons, but the vast, vast majority of historical occultists were closer to John Harvey Kellogg. They were generally highly intelligent people, who were to some degree famous for being cripplingly weird.

[chongoblog]

Okay, like.....I need you to understand.

This png of Feraligatr is 1.47 MB

Every single battle, route, song, shiny chance, patch of tall grass, both Johto AND Kanto, all sixteen Gym Leaders, Whitney's Miltank, the new Cinnabar Island, Goldenrod Radio, the pokemon breeding system, the concept of gender, Professor Elm, 251 Pokemon and every Zubat in Dark Cave all fit into a video game that is half as big as this png of Feraligatr.

this isn't really to convince you to play HG/SS or anything, just an interesting fun fact but Red's Pikachu was the highest level trainer-owned pokemon in the franchise up until Brilliant Diamond/Shining Pearl, where it got tied by Cynthia's Garchomp in her second rematch

I did know that! Like, I never got behind the Gen 2 hype train, but I can't deny how incredible those games were, both for their time AND today. The idea of putting the entire region of the first game into the game is WILD, and they pulled it off. The fact that Pokemon Gold and Silver is 710 KB is absolutely mind-boggling.

And also yeah, thematically I think that the Red Battle the coolest moment in all of Pokemon, hands down (and I LOVE what Infinite Fusion does with it)

[disco-archetypes]

YOU - "How do you feel about manufacturing large quantities of drugs?"

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER - "I feel that's illegal."

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - She's a radiocomputer wizard. Radiocomputer wizards don't care. She probably thinks it's illegal -- *and* fun.

[sitp-recs]

Oh, i also just read Minor Fall, Major Lift and loved it! It made me think is there more "down and out Harry"? I only that "down and out Draco"; I tried looking in your fic recs lists but I couldnt find that term

Isn’t it fabulous? I really enjoyed that one, such a creative take on the trope and the dream magic was chef’s kiss. Not sure I’d categorize it as a “down and out Harry” since he was doing it for charity and there was no social stigma, but I think there are interesting ways to explore this trope beyond money or fame (I’m thinking depressed, abused, failed or dysfunctional Harry). Thank you for this ask, it’s so exciting to find a trope I haven’t recced before. My interpretation was a bit loose but I thought these made sense, hope you enjoy!

Walk Right Through Me by @floydig (M, 2k)

Every day, Harry drinks Polyjuice to disguise himself as he lives on the streets. Today, he observes a gaunt, shirtless Draco Malfoy walking around Knockturn Alley and is immediately drawn to him. However, sometimes the truth is much darker than what the mind perceives.

Unseen by astolat (M, 11k)

When he wasn’t wearing it, he got jumpy, always waiting for someone to come at him wanting something—and now they did it even more urgently, if they ever saw him, because most of the time, nobody did.

Put a Price on My Soul by lamerezouille (E, 12k)

Harry has become used to being a whore in the crapsack Wizarding World that’s now governed by Voldemort. Everything changes when Malfoy becomes his new pimp.

Poor Unfortunate Souls by @doubleappled (E, 20k)

Draco is a potioneer. Harry is trying to save his sex-challenged marriage. Everything is a mess, but at least there's an octopus in the lobby.

Famous by @fw00shy (E, 24k)

It's a couple of years after the war, and Harry's bored of models now, the same way he's bored of Ron's constant nagging, bored of his Weasley monogram knitwear, bored of the same fucking grin that greets him when he hands his fire-truck red Bugatti over to the valet every night. He wants to find—well, he isn't sure what he wants. Anything but models.

A Year in Training by Omi_Ohmy (M, 25k)

Harry is finally living his dream and training as an Auror, but nothing seems to be going right: he’s just so angry all the time. And Draco Malfoy’s presence on the programme really isn’t helping with that, either.

The Last of What the World Left You by @xanthippe74 (T, 25k)

If the wizarding world won’t give Draco a second chance, he has a plan to survive: live in his Animagus form, a carrion crow, in the Forbidden Forest. Not only does Harry Potter come along and ruin it, he’s radiating a strange aura of power. With nowhere to go and a Life-Debt to his mother that Potter insists on repaying, Draco puts himself into the hands of the reclusive Boy Who Lived.

He Who Must Not Be Normal by lettered (E, 41k)

Potter has fame and fortune and posh clothes and all he wants is a simple life. Draco has a flat and a cat and a steady job and all he wants is a complicated life. Which makes you think this story has something exciting like body-swapping, but it doesn’t.

If an Injury Is to Be Inflicted by @shealwaysreads (E, 45k)

Harry Potter disappeared a year after the Battle of Hogwarts, and with him went all hope for true change in magical Britain.

The Bolthole by aideomai, GallaPlacidia, Tepre (E, 54k)

Harry is a hoarder, Draco is grief-stricken, and both are capable human adults who can definitely spend a month in a cottage in the Cotswolds together without ever talking about the time they slept together in eighth year. Yeah, no, totally.

Meet Me at Midnight by @the-starryknight (T, 57k)

Harry was beginning to wonder if he’d ever make anything again when Malfoy stormed through the door of Harry’s furniture shop. Now Harry’s got an impossible Ministry commission to finish, and even less energy than ever to deal with his elusive muse. That is, until he stumbles upon the surreal and beautiful world of a mysterious fae creature…

Kept in Cages by @sweet-s0rr0w, @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm (E, 77k)

Deep in the heart of the Ministry lies the Beast Division: a hidden room where ancient beasts roam, and winged creatures soar, and grumpy giant ferrets eat all your biscuits unless you keep them well hidden. Draco Malfoy would know – he’s been working there for five years now, after all.

In Free Fall by @kbrick (E, 81k)

Since the war, Draco Malfoy has become a serious university student whose idea of a good time is translating Ancient Greek texts and having game night with his small circle of friends. Harry Potter, meanwhile, has turned into a hard-partying adrenaline junkie who’s happiest when he’s leaping from an airplane or hurtling over a waterfall in a kayak.

I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di (E, 93k)

Draco left England after the trials and has travelled the world meeting wizards and Muggles from different cultures and with vastly different relationships to magic, each other, and the natural world. Now he's a fisherman in Finland on commercial vessels. Harry has been struggling since the war and has become a recluse while trying to write his autobiography.

Who we are in the shadows by @quicksilvermaid (E, 100k)

What happens when you’re forced to become the very thing you despise? Ex-Auror Harry Potter, tossed out of the Ministry for something he had no control over, has been looking for a way back to his former life. When he comes across Draco Malfoy in the criminal underbelly of Wizarding London and in need of protection, Harry figures bringing him in to face the Ministry's justice is his ticket back to everything he's lost.

[dracomort]

Considering that the wizarding world didn't go through a revolution or anything, how much do you think Draco would actually have to change in order to reestablish himself in society after the war?

As a person? I don't think he needs to change at all. Rich white (/pureblood) men bounce back ezpz, especially with him having been so young. Men like Draco Malfoy fail upward.

Lucius they might make an example out of because of how humiliated the Ministry was by the PR disaster that was Voldemort. But Draco? Not only is he being judged by a jury of his peers (other wealthy male purebloods), he's also an ally that they'd want. Particularly if they were forced to lock up his father for the sake of public perception.

Draco struts around like he's hot shit because he is. He's heir to one of the most powerful and wealthy families in the country. I have a very difficult time seeing the Malfoys truly fall from grace. I know the common plot is to have them stripped of their wealth in war reparations, but it's my personal opinion that, even if it were possible to do so, the favour of the Malfoys is going to be more valuable to any government official than giving their assets to Muggle-born orphans.

Perhaps Draco might need to change in order to live with himself, but societally? Bro is gonna be fine being exactly the shithead he's always been. All he needs to do is present himself as a philanthropist. Doesn't matter if he's actually behind the scenes dismantling welfare programmes and top-bracket taxes, so long as he's giving 0.00000000001% of his wealth to the Malfoy Foundation (a charity which theoretically supports struggling Muggle-borns with whatever donor money is left after paying its execs - Draco and all his friends - handsome salaries), the poors will eat that shit right up.

[durgewyll]

not to be that person but modern AU wizards would (mostly) be software devs... casting spells to produce an effect (writing code to execute scripts)... the concept of writing downright indecipherable code in machinery... programming and magic as a lifelong pursuit of knowledge... learning multiple languages to cast more spells... the inherent superiority complex that both wizards and programmers have... etc...