#would gain the self awareness that she needs to change

[fingertipsmp3]

Facebook will jumpscare you for no reason. Like why did I need to know that the girl who used to stalk me is pregnant, and why did I need to know one of my former bullies has just married an ugly man

[worldlxvlys]

running

part seven of the CRUSH series

bsf! matt sturniolo x reader

warnings: angst, cursing, mentions of sex

a/n -> read the previous part for context !!

ever since the day he apologized, matt had been acting weird. there was a very obvious tension between us, but neither of us said anything about it. his brothers on the other hand, were quick to point it out.

“ok, what’s up with you two? did you fuck again, or something?” chris asked, earning a quick hit and an incredulous look from nick. matt just rolled his eyes, answering with a brief “no”, before turning in the direction he came from.

he was distant and quicker to anger than he usually was. it seemed like the smallest things set him off, he was just so mad. his recent attitude has made me quite distant myself because being around him wasn’t very enjoyable.

he had his moments where he seemed like his usual self, but for the most part, he was miserable. of course i was aware that this was partially my fault, as right after our conversation about the night we slept together his entire demeanor changed.

i felt terrible, and i wanted nothing more than to help him feel better. but i tried to figure out what was wrong, and he just pushed me away. i wanted to be there for him, but he was a grown man at the end of the day. if i did or said something to upset him, he needed to communicate what that was.

so for the past week, we didn’t hang out unless it was with his brothers. we barely spoke two words to each other, and he couldn’t even look at me on the rare occasion that we did. i tried not to let it get to me, but he was supposed to be my best friend. now he couldn’t even be around me ?

MATT’S POV

just when i think i can’t possibly make things worse than they already are, i prove myself wrong. i somehow managed to completely drive y/n away, and now i couldn’t even look at her.

every time i saw her, i felt the shame and guilt eat away at me. i’ve treated her terribly for the past week, and now she couldn’t stand being around me.

at first i just wanted a little bit of distance, because i knew that the second i felt her soft fingers on my face or watched her plump lips pull into a smile, i would be gone. she’s constantly running through my thoughts, and i have no way of stopping it.

every day chris made these sly comments about how i should make a move on her before someone else did, and that pissed me off. his words constantly rang through my ears, and it made me paranoid.

every time she smiled at her phone and typed away at her screen, which was happening a lot more often recently, i got more and more annoyed. i did my best to push it down and ignore it, but it always seemed to make things worse.

whether she was talking to someone or not, she was growing more and more distant by the day. i found myself missing her when she was in the same room as me, which made me realize just how bad i let the situation get.

i decided to go over to her house to talk to her, knowing i had to clear the air. and that’s how i ended up here, standing at her doorstep anxiously, trying to gain the confidence to knock.

before i could force myself to do it, her door swung open. i must’ve looked like a deer in headlights, my eyes widened as she caught me off guard. she let out a chuckle at that, “i saw you on the doorbell camera, i thought i’d just make this easier for you”

well that’s embarrassing. “you saw that whole thing?” i asked, hoping it wasn’t true. when she nodded her head in response, i closed my eyes shaking my head slightly as i cursed myself. “it’s ok, matt. it was cute” she spoke, a small smile on her face.

i felt my face heat up while i prayed she didn’t notice the deep shade of red that my face turned at the comment. “come on” she motioned to the inside of her house, choosing not to comment on my flustered state.

READER’S POV

when i moved to the side to let matt in, i caught sight of a small paper bag in his hand while he passed me. he led the way to my room, pushing my door open and making himself comfortable on my bed.

“i was thinking we do a movie night?” he asked hopefully, emptying the bag of its contents; an array of different candies, snacks, and a drink for each of us.

whenever matt and i had a disagreement, our way of calling a truce was to have a movie night. we would take the time to talk it out and end off the night with cuddles and a movie.

“sounds perfect” i told him, grabbing the remote and moving to sit across from him. i passed him the remote when i felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. i pulled it out, opening it to see a text from the guy i’ve been talking to for the past week.

dylan 🤠

hey beautiful ;)

what are you up to ??

y/n ⭐️

abt to watch a movie with matt !!

“what movie should we watch?” matt asked, but i was barely able to register his words as i read the next text.

dylan 🤠

matt is your best friend right ?? i thought he wasn’t talking to you ??

y/n ⭐️

yeah movie nights are kinda like our way of calling a truce yk ??

dylan 🤠

ohhh i get u

y/n ⭐️

wbu ??

dylan 🤠

oh yk just texting this girl rn

a lil nervous tho ngl, she’s drop dead gorgeous

wayyyy out of my league

“hellooo? you gonna sit there and text all night or are we ever gonna talk?” matt’s annoyed voice pulled my attention away from my phone.

“hold on, i’m talking to someone right now. just give me a sec” i spoke, looking back down to my phone.

y/n ⭐️

who could you possibly be talking about 🤨

dylan 🤠

your mom :)

y/n ⭐️

that wasn’t funny

dylan 🤠

i laughed

y/n ⭐️

well that makes one of us

i watched as the three dots moved on the screen, before my phone was roughly pulled out of my hand. “what the fuck, matt ? give it back” i yelled as he moved it out of my reach.

i quickly moved over to him, climbing over his body to reach for the phone. he was quick to throw my phone onto my carpeted floor, grabbing my wrists before i could move to get it.

“who was that?” he asked, looking up at me. “none of your damn business” i answered. “considering you’re too busy looking down at your phone to talk to me, i’d say it is”

i let out a dry chuckle at that, “now you wanna talk ? that’s new. usually you just bottle up your feelings and throw a hissy fit instead of telling me what the issue is” i spoke, glaring down at him. my phone vibrated on its spot in the floor, but i ignored it.

“why are you trying to pick a fight?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed. “i’m not, this is what it looks like when you act like an adult and talk about things. i know that might be a little foreign to you” i jeered, his face dropping at the comment.

when i heard my phone vibrate again, i went to go pick it up, but was stopped as matt’s hands gripped onto my waist firmly, pulling me down onto his lap.

“look, i obviously hurt you and i’m really sorry for that-” he started, stopping as my phone continued to vibrate on the floor. “who the hell is blowing up your phone like that?” he started, starting to become annoyed again.

“it’s no one” i answered.

“who is it?” he posed his words as a question, but it sounded more like an order.

“nobody”

“why are you lying?” he asked, receiving a sigh from me. he just wasn’t gonna let it go.

“it’s just this guy i’m talking to” i answered. before i could even process what was happening, matt had flipped us over so that he was the one one top.

“what’s his name?” matt asked, his hands tightly clenching the sheets on either side of my head. my eyes trailed down to his tatted arm, watching as it flexed when he shifted his weight onto it.

“his name doesn’t matter” i answered, willing myself to look anywhere but at his lips. it was tempting, the short distance between us making it hard to focus on anything else.

“is there anything you can tell me about him?” matt asked.

“yeah. he’s not confused.” i answered without thinking, the words slipping out before i could stop them. “he’s made his feelings for me clear” i finished.

“his feelings? he’s only known you for…what, a week?” he asked, tilting his head at me. “he knows what he wants matt” i shrugged, “do you?” i asked.

the question seemed to catch him off guard, as he didn’t utter a word. instead, his eyes dropped down to my lips for a split second, jumping back to my own eyes quickly.

“don’t do that” i stopped him, “don’t look at me like you want to kiss me. we both know you don’t” i told him, turning my head away from him.

he was quick to place his hand on my cheek, moving my face so i was looking at him while he spoke. “why would you think that?” he asked, his eyes softening.

“why would you keep running away from me if you did?” i asked, trying my best not to show how hurt i actually was. i blinked back the tears i felt beginning to form, taking a deep breath.

matt picked up on my shift in mood, immediately moving to sit next to me. “fuck, i’m sorry. i’m sorry” he whispered repeatedly, pulling me into a hug. “it’s not on purpose, i swear. and it’s definitely not your fault, the last thing i ever wanted was to hurt you” i cried silently in his arms, his hands squeezing my waist tightly.

he pulled away to look at me, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. “is there something wrong with me?” i asked, needing an answer to the question i’d been asking myself constantly throughout the week. why? why was he avoiding me like the plague? what did i do to deserve this?

“of course not. this is my fault, it’s not you. i’m just confused and i have no clue what to do. i don’t know what i want, and i didn’t know how to deal with-” he stopped abruptly, like he was about to slip up and say something he didn’t want me to hear.

“i just didn’t want to hurt you while i was figuring out my shit, so i distanced myself from you. i know it was wrong, but i didn’t know what to do. and then i realized you were talking to someone and it just made me so mad, but i shouldn’t have taken it out on you”

“you’re jealous? matt, it’s not like he’s replacing you. he’s just a new friend” i pointed out. “i’m right here, i’m still your best friend. and you can always talk to me about anything. you know that, right?” i asked.

“yeah, i know. but are you sure you’re just friends? you said he has feelings for you” matt spoke, looking down as he spoke the last sentence. “is he the only one?” i asked bluntly, tired of beating around the bush.

matt’s head snapped up at the call-out, his lips turning upwards into a small smile. “i-” he was cut off by his phone ringing in his pocket. he looked like he wanted to continue, but i stopped him, “just answer it, it’s ok” i nodded to him, watching him pull it out.

“it’s chris” he sighed out, before hitting the answer button. while he spoke to chris, i heard my own phone vibrate on the ground. i glanced over to matt, who was fully engrossed in his conversation, before grabbing it off of the floor.

i opened it to several unopened texts from dylan, but the last one is what stood out to me;

dylan 🤠

hey, you home? i’m at your door ;)

what the fuck? he knew i was home, i told him that matt and i were having a movie night.

i glanced over to matt, as he hung up the phone. “he was just asking if i wanted anything from target” he informed me, putting his phone down.

he noticed my widened eyes, his face filling with concern, “what’s wrong?” he asked, walking towards me and placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.

“um, my….uh-” i was cut off by the sound of the doorbell ringing. “here, i’ll get it for you” he spoke, walking out of the room before i could stop him.

“wait, matt-” i started, a few feet behind him. by the time i caught up to him, the door was already open, matt and dylan were face-to-face with each other.

“hey, i’m dylan. you must be matt” he almost seemed amused at matt’s confused face.

“hey, baby” he spoke to me, earning a cold stare from matt as he realized who the man in front of him was. his jaw was clenched tightly as he turned his gaze to me, his eyebrows raised.

shit.

hehehe

masterlist

tag list: @lustfulslxt @flowerxbunnie @sturnssx @mattslolita @its-jennarose @sophssturn @bernardsleftbootycheek @queen161718 @cupidsword @imwetforyourmom @nickmillersn1gf @mattsneezing @chrisstankyleg @sturniolobltch @bethsturn @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @ssturniolo @blueeyedbesson @mxqdii @sturniolowhore @readerakayourname @defnotayonna @urmom2bitch @rootbeerworshiper @starsturniolo @hearts4chriss @theyluv-meee @carolinalikesthings @itzdarling @chrisstopherfilmed @judespoision @sstvrnioloo @littlebookworm803 @nicksdrpepper @chrisloyalgf @robins-scoop @fandomhopped @chr1sgirl4life @bbglmfao @55sturn @nickgetsmewetter @meg-sturniolo @yamamasjumpercables @vanteguccir @ineedchriscock @junnniiieee07 @breeloveschris @luverboychris

[forever-rogue]

I have a pretty personal request ❤️ (and I completely understand if you don't feel comfortable writing it.)

But I have been struggling with self-esteem and acceptance of myself since gaining some weight. I know I'm beautiful, but that stupid, nagging voice in the back of my head can be a bitch.

I came up with an idea about reader who's in an established relationship with Joel Miller. They've settled into Jackson, and with the changes that come with that stability, she's noticed the changes in her own body and has to deal with it. I can just imagine how soft and fluffy Joel would be once he's made aware of what she's dealing with.

Or maybe I just really need a Joel of my own to cuddle and tell me I'm beautiful 🥺🥰

Thank you!!

AN | Here you go, I hope you enjoy! Also, a friendly reminder that you're lovely just the way you are 🥰

Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language, Weight Discussion

Word Count | 2k

Masterlist | Joel, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

This was the first time you'd looked at yourself in a mirror in a long time. Like properly looked at yourself. You'd been in Jackson for a few months now and were experiencing a stability that you hadn't known in so long. It still felt odd some days, waking up next to Joel in a warm, soft bed without having to worry about anything. But it was slowly becoming your normal life and while it was an adjustment, you were beginning to love it. 

Happiness and peace looked good on Joel and Ellie. And you. But, and this was what had been nagging you, lingering in the back of your mind, you'd noticed some physical changes as well as everything else. You'd felt them before you'd fully looked at them - at yourself.

The bathroom boasted a large mirror but you usually didn't spend a while lot of time looking at yourself. You hadn't for years, so why start now?

Well, the simple answer was that now the changes were undeniable. 

With a heavy sigh, you closed the bathroom door and glanced at yourself. Your face was a little fuller than you'd remembered, the darkness around your eyes lessened. Your skin looked good and your hair was styled and shiny. These were the changes you liked to see. You noticed the same, more or less, on Joel and Ellie too. 

It was the rest you were worried about. You shucked off your sweater and pajamas pants and slowly allowed yourself to look over your body. You didn’t fixate on your body too much; for a long time survival and getting through your day to day was all that was on your mind. But now it felt like you had all the time in the world. 

As you looked yourself over, you could see that there had been some physical changes. You looked softer, your tummy and hips fuller than you’d remembered since you were young, your thighs bigger as well. You sighed to yourself and turned on the showers before you could think too much about it. It wasn’t a big deal, you reminded yourself, it wasn’t a big deal. 

You heard a knock on the door before it was slowly pushed open and Joel poked his head, “hey sweetheart, got room for one more?”

You panicked for a moment, trying to figure out how you could manage to get out of this one, “umm, I’m almost done actually. I’ll be out in a second and then its all yours.”

“Alright,” he lingered for a moment; you knew that he knew that something was up. Joel wasn’t stupid and he was very perceptive, “sounds good. Everything alright?”

“Of course,” you almost choked on the lie, “everything’s fine.”

Joel made a small sound before gently closing the door. You tried to swallow back your tears but soon enough they were running down your cheeks and mixing in with the stream from the shower.

It was just another change and it would be okay. You’d get there eventually…you hoped.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Hey baby,” Joel found you as you were in the kitchen, chopping vegetables for dinner, a small smile on his face. He’d noticed that you’d been acting a little off but didn’t want to push it, he knew that you’d go to him when you were ready to.

“Hi Joel,” you looked up and offered him a smile you hoped mirrored his own, “what’s up?”

“Nothing,” he insisted softly as he came over to you, “just wanted to see my girl.”

You tutted at him softly as he came to stand behind you, wrapping an arm around your middle as he leaned his chin on your shoulder. You froze for a moment, sure that he was going to make some sort of comment about how soft or squishy your body was but he said nothing, instead pressing some kisses to your shoulder. You stopped what you were doing, closing your eyes and leaning into him, “Joel.”

“I love you, you know,” he whispered before you slowly turned around in his arms so you could face him. He reached up and put his hand on your face, slowly brushing his thumb over your cheek. 

“I know,” you promised, leaning into his touch and turning your face so you could press a kiss to his palm, “I love you too.”

He watched you for a moment before leaning in to kiss you. You decided not to think too much about, not to worry about anything, and instead leaned into him and kissed him right back. It had been a bit since the two of you had a bit of time alone, and you hadn’t helped anything but pulling away from him whenever it was just the two of you. But you’d missed this and missed him, his touch, his everything. 

You relaxed into his touch, letting him kiss you dizzy. Eventually his hands wandered down to your hips and that caused you to freeze up. You put your hands on his forearms and pulled away from him, breaking the kiss. Joel, good man that he was, stopped immediately and let go of you. You shook your head, more at yourself than anything else and blinked back your tears, “sorry, I just…it’s me.”

“It’s alright,” he whispered softly, “you don’t have to apologize. If you want to talk about whatever’s been going on, I’m here. You know that, I ain’t going anywhere. I love you.”

You inhaled deeply before slowly letting it all out and nodded, “thank you.”

“Do you want a hand finishing dinner?”

“Yes,” you appreciated the kind and gentle man that he was, “I’d like that a lot.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You walked into the bedroom, finding Joel already in bed and reading. You closed the door and leaned against, looking him over for a moment. He paused after a moment and looked up at you before marking his page and setting it to the side, “penny for your thoughts?”

You nodded slowly before making your way to the bed, sitting cross-legged on top of the covers next to him. There were a few moments of silence as you sat there and picked at a few loose strands on the hem of your sweater. Joel reached out and gave your knee a gentle squeeze. You reached for his hand and weaved your fingers through his, “I don’t want you to hate me.”

“Baby,” a small huff of laughter escaped him but his voice was low and gentle, “I don’t know what you could have done or do that would ever make me hate you. That’s impossible.”

“It’s just…I don’t know,” you shrugged, reassured a little bit that he wouldn’t hate you anyway, “I really like it here in Jackson. I’ve liked it since we’ve been here. But I think I’ve gotten too comfortable.”

“Too comfortable?” he repeated slowly, “ain’t that a good thing?”

“It’s….my body,” you admitted reluctantly, “I look different…I’ve gained weight. I don’t look like I used.”

“Okay,” he brought your hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to your knuckles. You were a bit taken aback by his nonchalant response, “I guess I don’t understand why it’s a big deal. But I want to understand.”

“I…because I look different and I was worried that you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

“That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard,” he tugged on your hand in a small attempt to pull you closer, “there’s nothing you could do to make me love you any less. That includes your body changing - happens to everyone. I’ve grown a little softer around the middle since we’ve been there but I haven’t heard you complaining. We’ve all grown comfortable here, but that’s a good thing, it means we’re safe and home and we’re living. Not just alive, but living.”

“I…hadn’t thought about it that way,” you whispered, “I hadn’t really noticed anything different about you.

“See? It didn’t matter to you, why would it matter to me? And even if it wasn’t any of those things, it wouldn’t matter to me. I love you,” you were perched on his lap now, looking at him with soft eyes. His hands settled on your hips and he gave them a gentle squeeze, “besides, ain’t nothing wrong with a little thicker, baby.”

“Joel,” you were laughing now, but a few tears managed to run down your cheeks; but these ones weren’t of sadness. He wiped them away tenderly, “thank you.”

“Nothing to thank me for,” he insisted, “I’m just telling you how it is. Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Is this why you’ve been avoiding me and only had sex in the total darkness?” admittedly it sounded silly when he said it like that. Your face warmed up as you bit your lip and shyly nodded. That look on its own was enough to make him practically melt, “oh baby.”

“It didn’t seem stupid at the time!” you burrowed your face in your hands to try and hide but he pulled your hands away from your face, “don’t laugh at me.”

“I’m not, it’s affectionate,” he grinned, “you also don’t think I noticed anything. I might be dumb at times, but I ain’t stupid.”

“But you didn’t…say anything,” you cocked your head to the side as he raised an eyebrow.

“Again…why would I have?”

“You’re the best,” you leaned forward and wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned in to hug him, clinging onto him like a koala, “I love you so much.”

“I love you,” he pressed a kiss to the side of your head, “no matter what either of us look like. You’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“No you’re just trying to flatter me,” you snorted in amusement as you pulled back to look at him, “don’t look at me like that with those big brown eyes, Miller. That’s cheating!”

“It’s not flattery, it’s the truth,” he said, “and I’ll look at you any which way I want. Okay?”

“Okay,” you teased, “whatever you say.”

“That’s right,” he nodded in agreement, “now take off this sweater and leave the light on…only if you want to though.”

“Now that I can do,” you grinned, “gladly.”

[general-fanfiction]

Hopes And Fears - Part Four. (Wally Clark x Reader)

Summary: Y/N’s death was traumatic. So traumatic in fact she can’t even look at Wally without reliving her death.

Word Count: 2.8k

Gif Not Mine. Requests Are Open!

Warnings: Mature Language, Themes Of Rape/Sexual Assault

“That was kind of harsh Rhonda.”

Charlie’s voice breaks the uncomfortable silence that has fallen upon the group. Each face holding a different expression. Rhonda full of hatred, Charlie consumed by guilt for not stepping in, Wally a mixture of surprise and discomfort.

“Do you think maybe somebody should go after her?” Dawn questions, speaking for the first time since the group session began.

Rhonda huffs, slumping down into her chair as she realises that nobody is taking sides, and if they are, they’re not taking her’s.

“Off you go then Wally, run after your precious little angel.” The girl spits, lips set in a firm scowl, eyes shooting daggers towards him.

“Rhonda!” Mr Martin snaps, though the teens aren’t listening. After all, despite being a teacher, he holds no position of authority over them in death.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Wally asks quietly, shaking his head as he does so.

“Maybe I’ve just had enough. Sixty years I’ve been here Wally! Yet nobody seems to care about how that makes me feel, all of you are just pandering to the new girl.” She shouts, slamming her hands down on the edge of her chair as she does so. Taking everyone by surprise.

“Rhonda, of course we care but you’re being really mean.” Charlie speaks softly, gazing sympathetically at the brunette girl.

“Mean? I don’t think I’ve been mean enough. I mean seriously is nobody questioning why she’s being so secretive? What doesn’t she want us to know?” Rhonda continues to push her argument in an attempt to gain a rise out of the other students. Hoping to get them to question themselves and where they stand in regards to the situation. “If you ask me, I reckon the bitch killed herself and she’s too much of a wuss to tell us.”

“That’s bang out of order Rhonda and you know it!” Wally bellows, leaping out of his chair and stomping straight over to her, hands placed on either side of her legs, caging her between himself and the back of the chair. “Don’t you ever speak about her like that again. Don’t you dare so much as look at her. Or I will make the rest of your eternity a living hell, do you understand me?”

Rhonda has no time to respond, though the frightened look on her face tells Wally all he needs to know. Without a second glance, he’s barging out the room. Launching one of the empty chairs across the gym as he does so, resulting in a large clatter though nobody really notices. All eyes fixed on the loveable jock, dumbfounded at the rage he is exhibiting. This being entirely out of character, never once in the years they had no Wally had he exploded in such a way.

Whilst each of the ghosts sits silently, all contemplating their next move in order to avoid another argument, Charlie is the first to make a move. Giving Rhonda a nervous glance, he slowly exits the gym. Asserting that his decision as to who’s side he is on has been made.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Ducking under the police tape, I’m thankful that no officers are around. Granted, I know they can’t see me, I just find it awkward to be stumbling between the living. I’ve come to realise just how much people lack spacial and self awareness.

The room is exactly as it was left, blood stains splattered on the tiled walls and floors. A glistening red in contrast with the mucky white tiles. In fact, the only change within the room is the numbered notes, I can only assume for any evidence the officers may have gathered.

I find myself perched on the end of the splintered wooden bench, lost in thought as I fixate on the scene. I’m amazed at how much blood I truly lost, assuming it would have only been small flecks. When in reality, it is everywhere. Stains from how it pooled mark the floor as well as splashes coating the walls.

My mind flashes back to that moment. Their hands on my body. The beatings I endured as I tried my best to resist. Sharp pain as I tried my hardest to close my legs. Squeals of agony escaping my mouth only to be met with a calloused hand gripping my face tightly prevent anymore noise.

It’s only when I feel a tear drip from my chin to the back of my hand that I realise I’m crying. Nothing to be heard other than my soft sniffles. Despite the memories plaguing my mind, I can’t help but feel proud at myself for returning here. It’s such a small accomplishment and yet for me, it feels as though I’ve taken a huge step forwards into fully processing what I went through. It’s a step closer to healing.

“God, I can’t believe they haven’t cleaned this up yet. I’d have thought they would want to scrub it straight away.”

Charlie’s voice takes me aback and my head spins towards the door. Noticing him shyly stood just outside of the room, almost like he doesn’t actually want to enter. An overwhelming sense of deja vu hits me and I’m reminded of our first interaction right outside.

“I don’t think they’re legally allowed to clean up. Otherwise I’m sure they’d have torn the entire building down by now.”

Shuffling over on the bench slightly, Charlie takes this as an invitation and perches beside me. The two of us staring at the crime scene.

“So I take it you were murdered.” He questions apprehensively, knowing full well what the answer is.

“I’m sorry I haven’t spoke about it yet.” I speak softly, almost afraid of what his reaction could be. I don’t want him to lose his temper like Rhonda, though I get the feeling that he doesn’t have an angry bone in his body. “Charlie, I want to talk. I do. It’s so recent though, I haven’t even been dead a month. I get that it’s shitty but I’m not ready to go into the details of it all.”

“You would think out of all of us that Rhonda would be the most understanding. She’s always been very open about her murder though.” Charlie tells me, seemingly unfazed by my lack of wanting to talk. “I get it though Y/N, you don’t owe us anything. Don’t tell Rhonda this because she’ll think I’m a complete bitch but she was strangled to death, and no offence but judging by the state of this room, your murder was a lot more brutal.”

“Let’s not turn this into a competition of who had a worse death.” I joke, feeling more relaxed due to his words. “But seriously thank you. It means a lot that you’re being so nice.”

“Of course.” The boy smiles brightly, which seems to be contagious because I can’t hold back the beam on my face either. “On a completely separate note, you should probably go and find Wally. He completely lost his shit with Rhonda after you left. Like he went full psycho, I’ve never seen him lose it like that before.”

“Fuck.” I whisper, running a hand through my hair, a habit of mine when I’m under stress. “Thanks again Charlie, I really appreciate it.”

Charlie only nods gently, watching me scurry out the room. Clearly sensing that I’m in a rush to find the footballer. Wandering around the halls of Split River, it’s only then that I realise I have no idea where Wally could be. Worry begins to seep through my pores, knowing there is endless possibilities as to where he could be. If only the school could be ten times smaller. Perhaps this wouldn’t be so challenging.

Thinking back to our previous conversations, I try to remember any hangout spots that Wally may have mentioned. Though these rarely seem to come up in conversation. We spent most of the time sprawled out in the gardens and yet there was no sign of him when I searched back there.

Huffing out of annoyance, I’m fully prepared to give up my hunt for him. At least I was. Out of the corner of my eye I become aware of the sign directing students towards the pool. Wally’s words ring in my head from earlier this morning.

“So I was thinking we could have a pool day.”

With crossed fingers and countless prayers being whispered under my breath, I stride towards the pool. Confidence boosted as I hope that my intuition is right and that he went away with his pool day solo.

My suspicions are confirmed as my eyes lay upon the handsome boy. Lost in his own thoughts as he drifts about on a pool floaty, arms tucked beneath his head and sunglasses on to block out the rest of the world. Loitering at the edge of the pool, I remain silent. Just for a moment. In order to truly appreciate this man’s beauty. He’s the most exposed I’ve ever seen him. Granted he’s only shirtless, but still I can’t help the flutter I feel in my heart (and possibly between my legs). With defined abs and toned body, he reminds me of a Greek statue, carved out of stone.

“Y/N, I’m not really in the mood to talk right now.” Wally states, as my eyes drag up his body, I’m aware that his sunglasses are now placed on his forehead and he most likely just caught me gazing at his physique.

“I know, neither am I.” I admit, sitting down at the edge of the pool, pulling my shoes off and throwing them behind me so that I can dip my feel it in the lukewarm water. “But I do owe you an apology.”

This catches his attention and I see his eyebrows raise, eyes darting over to me. Wally looks sad. There’s no other way for me to describe it. I’ve seen him sulk and upset before. However, he looks worse than I’ve ever seen.

“Rhonda’s words really hit me. I never meant to make you feel like you’d done anything wrong. I’m so sorry for making you feel that way. You don’t need to try to make me feel less threatened. I know you don’t have a cruel heart.” I admit, voice shaky as I genuinely have no idea as to how he will react. “It’s no excuse, but I was struggling a lot those first couple of days and I guess I took it out of you and you didn’t deserve that. So I really hope you’ll forgive me. I also thought I should probably mention that you don’t have to stop wearing your football stuff because of me. You love it, I don’t want you to feel as though you can’t wear it because I’m going to have a breakdown.”

Swinging my feet in the water slowly, I keep myself focused on this rather than Wally who floats a few feet away. His silence scares me slightly and I know that if I even look at him, I may burst into tears. I never meant to hurt him. I really didn’t.

“Rhonda’s full of bullshit.”

I’m shocked when he speaks, purely because I thought he was mad at me. I’m even more shocked when I understand what he’s said. Never once hearing Wally say a bad thing about someone and here he is calling out one of the ghosts he’s known the longest.

“What?” I’m completely puzzled by what he just said, not knowing what he means by it and whether he means that what Rhonda said wasn’t true. My tone reflects this and when I go to look up at him, he’s already slipping off the floaty and swimming towards me.

“I said Rhonda’s full of bullshit.” He’s pretty much beside me now, arms crossed as they rest against the edge of the pool next to me. It’s the closest we’ve ever been to one another and I can’t deny the way my heart races right now. Not even one ounce of fear resides within me despite our close proximity. Maybe I am doing better now? “I like spending time with you Y/N. I wasn’t trying to make you feel less threatened. Yeah, I wanted you to feel welcome and to know I mean no harm but that was it. All the time I’ve spent with you is because I wanted to, I enjoy it.”

“So you’re not mad at me?”

He laughs faintly. “No, I’m not mad at you. Thank you for the apology but you really didn’t have to say anything.”

I cannot even begin to describe how relieved I am that the ghost isn’t mad at me. For a moment back there, I was prepared to spend eternity alone, thinking everybody had turned their backs on me. Fortunately, that wasn’t the case and I potentially let myself overthink without speaking to anybody under less tense circumstances.

Grateful to have resolved things with Charlie and Wally, the only person left is Rhonda. However, something tells me that she might need some time. I doubt seeking her out is the best course of action right now and she probably needs space to cool off. So, for now, I’m happy to sit here and bask in the peace once more.

“So, a pool day for one isn’t exactly the most exciting and fun time.” Wally mentions, splashing a small amount of water at me.

“No I can’t imagine it is.” I reply, he swims backwards, a silent request for me to join him in the water. Which I’m happy to oblige.

Stripping off my clothes, I dump them on one of the seats. Out of the way of the pool edge in the hopes that they remain dry. Left only in my underwear, a lacy red bralette with matching thong, I thank my lucky stars that the day I died was one of the days I wore a decent set.

A shaky breath leaves my mouth as I turn around to face Wally. It’s the most vulnerable I’ve felt since getting here and I am anxious. Afraid of any judgement from Wally and afraid of being so exposed. All of these thoughts vanish instantly when Wally’s eyes begin to trail my body. Flashing with desire. He doesn’t think I’ve noticed, though I don’t miss the barely there whistle that escapes under his breath.

“Are you gonna move out of the way or what?” I ask, hands on my hips as I wait for him to move to one side.

He does so with no complaint and I sprint forward, diving straight beneath the water and surfacing with a gasp for air. Pulling my hair out of my face, I find myself only a few inches away from Wally and take the opportunity to splash the water in his direction. After all, it’s only fair that I take my revenge.

“Oh this is war.” Wally yelps after being pelted in the face again by another large splash.

We’re both rocked against the waves that the battle has created. Huge splashes attacking each other alternatively, repeatedly in hopes of taking the other person down. I’m completely unaware that the force of the water is slowly bringing us closer together and before I know it we’re face to face. Noses practically touching one another.

“I think I win.” He whispers, sopping wet hair pushed back off his forehead, small curls beginning to form.

“Never.”

He’s focused on me, chestnut brown eyes piercing into my soul. I daren’t think too much, scared he can read my mind with the force of his gaze. A sudden surge of bravery must overcome him as he gently reaches out, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. His touch is soft, as light as a feather. Like he’s scared I’ll pull away. It’s the first time we’ve ever made physical contact and though the act is so sweet and innocent, my heart flutters at the intimacy of it.

His hand is delicate as it moves from my hair, gliding down my cheek to hold it lovingly. It’s then that I notice his eyes flickering down to my lips, silently asking for permission. As much as my heart desires his touch and his affection, something in my mind can’t let go. It won’t allow me to take that step further and so I reluctantly pull away. The move quick as I break out of his gentle hold.

“I’m gonna go dry off in the sun.” The words spill out of my mouth, faster than I intended. Wally tries his best to hide it but I spot the disappointment clear on his face. Obviously hoping that this could have gone further.

If only I was able to articulate to him just how much I wanted to take things further as well. For now though, we’ll stay friends.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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[la2yn0va]

Hello there! I hope that you are having a wonderful day! Can i request some Yandere Jingliu X male reader X yandere Acheron (Self aware au) that these two compete for the reader's affection and attention?

Kay

———

Jingliu’s life was perfect. Being in the main team with Blade, Ruan Mei, and Luocha. And best of all, SHE was your favorite. All the powerful relics went to her, every simulated universe, every cyrax, every side quest. She was always on the team no matter the modifications.

Others could only glare in jealously at her, all while she silently strokes her own ego and drowning in the pure euphoria that comes with your eyes and presence all onto her.

That’s how it should’ve been. That’s how it Could’ve been. But that… DAMN EMULATOR had to be introduced into your life.

Ever since acheron first appeared on your screen, it seemed like your favoritism for her had decreased. It… INFURIATED and SCARED her. She wasn’t going to be replaced though.. right? SHES your DPS. SHES your favorite. SHES your strongest character!

So when she was thrown into what characters call the ‘character storage’ with the others, she had a meltdown. She was actually being replaced!? HER!!? with a… A NIHILITY CHARACTER!!?

Jingliu didn’t bother to hide her hatred towards Acheron, others seemed pleased that jingliu’s ego was damaged by this, while more kinder individuals tried to soothe the angered swords champion.

——

Meanwhile, acheron was drowning in the same euphoria jingliu once swam in. Getting her graces attention, getting ALL her Eidolons and Superimposing her OP lightcone to the max.

All her trauma and loneliness seemed to disappear in this moment, all she could feel was euphoric happiness.

Her kit made her a main stay in the team, as if her joy couldn’t get any higher. At first, Acheron despised you, all her trauma and her fucked up life happened due to YOUR need for entertainment.

But overtime her hatred dimmed down, and all the attention and sympathy she got from you.. fixed her in a way. Yet it also confused her, why’re you surprised? YOU did this to her…right? But then… why couldn’t she sense any deception from you?

But that’s neither her nor there. As of now, she absolutely loves you, just like everyone eventually will. But then, you replaced a teammate of hers with your past champion… Jingliu.

———

Chaos quickly followed after such a change. Two of your strongest champions fighting each other for your attention.

Jingliu would take much more health from acheron then the other two when using her ultimate. And acheron would secretly and quickly place a shock debuff onto Jingliu when an enemy attacks.

During battle both quickly try to end the others health as to gain your attention much more quickly. Outside of battle, they say Voicelines not originally in the game which is a secret jab towards the other.

And when your turn off the game, they fully battle each other OR they quickly run to find you some stellar jades. Jingliu being in your team for the longest time knows how to do such a forbidden act, while acheron always has trouble with this.

Jingliu finds enough for 5 ten pulls, acheron only manages to get you enough for 2 ten pulls. Although you never notice, which angered the both of them, blaming the others ‘fake jades’ for reducing their graces attention.

No matter what you/others do to help the two gain an understanding of each other, they will NEVER like or tolerate each other’s existence.

——

Okay I’m tired.

[animeyanderelover]

Hi can I request yandere soul eater squad hcs please separate

if that’s to many requests then yandere black star , Tsubaki , Kid and Soul , Maka is fine please💕

Tw: Yandere themes, possessive relationship, obsession, clinginess, delusional behavior, stalking, manipulation, blackmailing, isolation, abduction, death

C-Group Hc’s Maka Albarn

💚​From all the people surrounding her, Maka is by far the most mature one which allows her to appear fairly normal within the context of her own developing obsession. As a person who is fairly in tune with her own emotions, she catches on pretty early on her developing feelings and feels the guilt almost immediately. Maka is very self-aware and after having grown up realising just how depraved her own father is whenever he is around other women, she has sworn herself to be like her mother. It is this oath that she made to herself all those years ago that heightens the shame tenfold as she feels like she has failed and become just as low as her father is with her only solace being that at least she seems to only have space for you in her thoughts. Overwhelmed and unsure how to handle her growing feelings, Maka avoids you as good as she can. There's a constant strain on her eyes as she does her best to not will herself to glance towards your direction, her feet instantly moving the opposite direction as soon as she spots you. Even if the two of you were close before and her sudden frigid behavior may hurt you, she deems it to be for the best.

💚​Behind the curtains she still keeps her eyes out for you though in case you should bring yourself in danger. Another attribute of hers is after all her overprotective instinct and that is subconsciously fueled now that her obsession starts to kick in. Whilst she is conscious of her thought process, it is hard for her to stop her silent need to prove herself, especially since she sometimes feels that only Soul is contributing and she brings nothing to the table. The gnawing feeling of uselessness is a terrible feeling that she is unable to push down as her insecurities catch up to her all because her obsession has made her more susceptible to all sorts of emotions. She wants to be seen as capable, especially by you, but that does lead to her at times as coming over as too demanding and strict with you. She has always prefered studying over playing outside and that preference of hers definitely translates to her obsession. Those study sessions of her are not solely done out of malicious intent though as she instead strives to work on her own self-control and to gain more control over her emotions.

💚​Maka handles jealousy better than most of her friends would yet even then she feels like she can do better. Her unwillingness to turn into a depraved individual that is only dictated by desire pushes her to work even harder on her own patience and self-control. Whilst she isn't a person who will be jealous to the point of being irrational, she has a somewhat short temper and tends to snap easily if anything prods her the wrong way. Any spark she notices inside of her and any twitch of her eyebrows is a sign for her that she has still work to do and that she can still do better. The situation would change if the both of you are in an established relationship as she will be fairly confident then. Maybe there is a chance that she at times is slightly paranoid and fears that you may be like her dad, though that fear remains as something that is never proven yet still ingrained in her subconsciousness.

💚​As highly skilled as she is, Maka is not one who craves for brawls as much as people like Black Star would. One can't deny that she is willing to help you and save you in whatever way she can when she realises that there is something that you struggle with yet she is also just as capable to reason with opponents unless she arrives at the conclusion that they won't listen to her. It is likely that at times she may end up being a bit too eager to the point where she is being reckless all because she has that hidden desire to prove herself. In desperate situations it may happen that she subconsciously activates Black Blood's Madness which always exposes a different side of hers. She is much more erratic and violent, downright aggressive as she tries to slice her opponents into half all whilst her mind can only focus on the fact that if they are gone, she will have done her job of protecting you. Outside of this maddening state, she puts more emphasis and focus in helping you and keeping you above all safe.

💚​Maka actually recognises that moving in with someone is in general a very big decision to make and so an abduction is an immediate no-go for her for multiple reasons. She might as well give up on all of her principles if she were to ever abduct you as she would see herself as something even lower than her own father and his pathetic womanizing behavior. An emotion inside her which is unlike most other people with obsession is that she actually hesitates to move in with you. It is a very big step and at the same time it is also a very daunting step. Her hesitation does lie in her subconscious paranoia that you may at one point end up betraying her or hurting her somehow and she'd never get over the exposure of being the fool who fell in love with someone who isn't committed because differently from her mother she knows that she won't be able to stay strong. No, she instead fears being degraded to the desperate fool who stay and hopes that everything will end up fine which is why she would grow siginifcantly more strict the moment the two of you would ever move in. She isn't necessarily overbearing but it is noticable enough for even you to recognise.

💚​Her subconscious paranoia is rather fascinating as it essentially leads her to study you intensely all to figure out if you are someone who wouldn't end up ditching her or who would end up cheating on her and as long as she hasn't finished her research, she won't allow herself to get closer to you. It is only after you have proven yourself to her that she finally allows herself to open up towards you. She isn't one to boast about the relationship though as she values privacy and secrecy which comes to bite her back when her friends eventually find out and some of them, like Soul and Black Star, start complaining that Maka didn't tell them sooner. Due to her preference for privacy and staying at home, her prefered dates with you are always in the safety of four walls. She needs her time with you alone because let's be honest, whenever the two of you hang out with her friends you are always stolen away by them all with the sole intention to get her to to act jealous which always is something they rather on come to regret as Maka will be very direct about what she thinks about that.

Soul Evans

🤍​Soul's attitude is one that is normally always rather aloof and nonchalant which is a great way for him to hide his growing feelings for you. It takes him a good while to even recognise those stirring emotions he feels inside his chest whenever you are around but at the same time he refuses to show them as he thinks that it wouldn't be very cool of him if he were to reveal it. It's about impossible for him to completely conceal it though as he finds his eyes glancing to your form whenever you are within sight and especially if you do something he considers to be sexy he would have a hard time hiding his burning cheeks. It's important to point out that Soul will be oblivious to a certain degree at the beginning, he is absolutely not delusional and that is largely because of the Black Blood and the Little Demon inside of him which you can quite literally describe as the devil on his shoulder, the personification of the darker side of his feelings and thoughts that urges him on to give in. It's precisely because of this that Soul will also work on his own self-control as soon as the Little Demon has exposed to him his feelings, terrified to end up doing what the devil has ominously foreboded him.

🤍​Reluctant to let anyone on about his internal struggles and too ashamed to admit just how uncool he is being, Soul lets it all simmer beneath the surface. His desire and obsession only grow so much worse as he initially attempts to completely avoid you yet the Little Demon haunts him and encourages him to give in to what he truly wants. Eventually it all threatens to become unbearable which is why he finds himself frequently stalking you. What he initially planned to only do one or twice a week has led him down to an activity that is a daily need even if he is normally someone who is on a more lazy side. He feels slightly motivated and that is the scariest thing that could happen to him. He's rather protective of you which is his prefered reason to somehow convince himself that stalking you is at least for your own good but deep down he knows the truth. There's more to it then just wanting to protect you and he dreads the sparks of possessive desires that seem to awaken within him.

🤍​He is a laid-back dude. He knows that and he won't be put down to transform into a jealous mess but it is because he doesn't make any moves on you that he is also aware that technically anyone could try to take you which is why he stalks on you and the people you hang out with. Safe to say though is that he absolutely isn't immune to jealousy either and it is this emotion that brings out the most immature side of his when it grows too much for him to handle and he reasons that it'd be better to step in now before things get out of control. He just comes waltzing in, still trying to play it cool, as he gives a lazy yet arrogant grin though that grin can quickly disappear if the situation escalates and he gets further provoked in which case he won't back down as he's too argumentative and stubborn to give in. Eventually he will be dragged down to act all immature, a scowl on his face as he bickers with the other person. He'd never admit later on though that he was feeling rather jealous.

🤍​The Little Demon loves to inform him about everything going on with his feelings. The dark thoughts and feelings are definitely there and as aware as he is, Soul has found out that being lucid about stuff isn't always the best thing. No, instead he finds himself sometimes almost overthinking whenever he watches you starting to hang out with someone new and starts to wonder if he should somehow interfere before things might escalate into something that is sure to rip his walls apart. Being an overthinker doesn't fit him at all and he knows he's being extremely uncool because of it. As he is infected by Black Blood, risk is that he can fall victim to Madness and in such a state he may end up completely giving in and going after everyone who ever agitated him in the slightest. Normally he is regarded as a slacker yet his obsession does motivate him, for the better or worse, which is why he is so protective of you in the first place and works to become better and stronger to protect you from other dangers as well as his own dark longing.

🤍​Unless Madness takes hold, I don't see Soul being capable of kidnapping you. He likes to think that taking care of someone would be too much of a hassle to begin with though truth be told, he probably would put in the work if the two of you were to live together and he merely tells himself that so that he never even considers the thought. He finds himself often hanging around you though he insists on it all being a coincidence whenever you point that out to him, unwilling to admit his feelings. If a situation should end up getting dangerously risky though, Soul won't hesitate to knock you out and lock you away somewhere for a certain amount of time until everything has de-escalated and he takes the full swing of your anger always afterwards, torn apart between acting as if he doesn't care or actually apologising since he feels genuinely sorry for what he has done. He just wanted you to be safe, that is all. In a mutual relationship he wouldn't bring up the topic of living together until you do but he'd vow to do his best to make you happy even if he can be rather lazy still.

🤍​Despite his feelings Soul still ends up avoiding to admit to you that he loves you. He's too ashamed and insecure and the Little Demon installs fear inside of him that if he were to ever give in to his feelings, he would do terrible things. You probably wouldn't even know just how long he has silently been harboring such feelings for you as you have always gotten the impression that he doesn't really like you due to his aloof behavior around you. It's likely that he admits it by accident when both of you get into an argument, most likely because he was concerned about your safety and went too far, and spills it out in the heat of the moment. He'd be quite stiff and awkward with PDA for a while as it kind of ruins the cool image he tries to build as he tends to get easily flustered whenever you abruptly grab his hand or kiss him but he learns to tolerate it. Secretly he enjoys it as well. He still expects people to know that you're taken though and will give everyone a glare who tries to flirt with you even if there are no serious intentions behind it.

Black Star

⭐​Black Star sure as hell is a unique assassin if you've ever seen one. There are no concepts such as stealth and silence with him as he strives to always be in the spotlight. Perhaps it is because of this rather loud trait of his that you always know about him yet for some reason Black Star still manages to be surprised when you effortlessly locate him within your surroundings. On the other hand it really isn't like he is making any effort to be categorised as a stalker. No, he wants to be in the spotlight and wants all the attention from you that he can get which is the reason why he does his best to squeeze himself into as many aspects of your life as he can. He's so clingy and always insists on following you wherever you go. You never know when shit might get down after all and he has somehow proclaimed himself to be your personal hero which is why he sees it as his duty to ensure that nothing happens to you. Tsubaki really is the only one who can manage to hold him back a bit when she senses that you are feeling overwhelmed, something that flies more than once over his head.

⭐​Soul and Black Star are both noted to be immature in a couple of aspects yet it is only Black Star who would be the delusional one between the two of them. He remains completely unaware of the visible discomfort he can cause you due to his wild and clingy personaliry as he doesn't believe that you would ever feel uncomfortable in his presence. After all he is your hero who will protect you and who you admire. This misplaced belief of his has made him quite possessive to make it even worse as he thinks of himself as the only one worthy enough to claim such a title in your life and for that naturally deserves to be your lover the most. One thing you have to give him though. He takes his role very serious, though this is something you find yourself usually despairing over more than anything as his overzealous attitude often results in misplaced readings of situations from his side. He's way too much in his attempts to protect you and prove to you why he is the best.

⭐​Under normal circumstances he is already someone who wants all of the attention so you can probably already imagine just how much worse this attitude will get if we throw an obsession into the mix. If jealousy would be a person, it would be Black Star. The very moment he notices that your eyes are not on him he is already getting riled up to the point where even objects can become the center of his short jealousy though at least an object can be swiftly thrown away. It's a bit more complicated if it is another person stealing your attention away from him and it'll always end with the other person and you both highly uncomfortable as Black Star isn't even trying to act mature about his jealousy. For someone who is delusional Black Star is shockingly aware of his surroundings though which is why he notices if someone's eyes are lingering on you for longer than one second which is yet another thing that instantly sets him off as he immediately assumes that they're planning to steal you away from him. Really, you can't take him anywhere without him causing a scene.

⭐​Frankly spoken, he is getting in many brawls due to his short temper and highly fueled jealousy. He belongs to the category of people who will challenge others for a fight on sight the moment he catches them staring at you or deems them to be people who may be a threat to you, even if it is for the petty reason that you just hold a nice and long conversation with them. Then there is obviously his self-proclaimed title as your hero which he inspires to live up to. That includes the small things where you really don't need his help which may even end up making everything worse but it also includes doing the smallest part required for being an assassin which is unaliving people. He's gotten into some serious arguments with Tsubaki because of this as she knows that he goes after people for unjustified reasons and refuses to assist him and transform for him. He's far too impulsive so in some instances he doesn't even consider what he is doing and just goes for it without a coherent strategy.

⭐​You have some sort of guarantee with his delusional thoughts that he won't kidnap you though that doesn't have to mean anything in the long run. There is still a major downside to this all though which is his previously mentioned clinginess. Long story in short, he just breaks into your house on multiple occasions. A day without you is something unimaginable for Black Star and if he would have it his way, he wouldn't even let the both of you be separated for more than an hour. He has to protect you after all, enemies could strike you whilst he is absent. In one way or another you are basically living together with Black Star and he, in fact, refers to the situation the two of you have been going on as just that. The both of you live together according to his thoughts and he gets visibly confused whenever you correct him sharply or shut him up before he can say such nonsense to someone else. In fact he even locks you up in your own house if something happens, though in his mind it is of course a house the two of you share.

⭐​There are some small revelations he tends to have at times when he immerses himself into the philosophy of the 'Path of the Warrior' that he wants to master as this requires a great level of self-awareness and the denial of following dark emotions yet those are eventually subdued one way or another by his delusions once again. Black Star wants to be praised by you all of the time and he will start showing off frequently as a way to silently let you know that he wants to hear you singing compliments about him. He tends to get very touchy, especially when he is feeling possessive or jealous and wants to let other people know that you belong to him. For some reason he loves when you let him piggyback you as he gets stupidly excited and starts running around, leaving you to cling to him tight or else you may fall off. Tsubaki is the only one who manages to keep you sane between Black Star's terrible antics as she tries her best to keep him on some sort of leash.

Nakatsukasa Tsubaki

◼️​Tsubaki is together with Maka one of the most mature people from this group, is in fact much more patient and forgiving than even Maka. She has no worries nor doubts as she manages to approach you the best without being overly cautious nor too pushy like her partner would be. Behind that kind smile is a deeply obsessed person though whose feelings can take on some concerning form if nothing is done. Tsubaki has a huge problem to deny her darling of anything nor can she bring herself to disagree with you or voice her opinion when it involves the hobbies and the things she likes. Instead of telling you how she honestly feels, most of the time she takes the path of adapting to everything you like or dislike until she completely absorbs your hobbies and deludes herself into thinking that she likes them too. It's very concering that she is willing to give up bits of her personality in order to please you but the truth is that she just loves you a bit too much and is willing to sacrifice parts of herself to maximise your happiness in the relationship.

◼️​That isn't to confirm that she is completely delusional though. Tsubaki is aware of what she is doing and she is able to understand that she should not mold herself to fit better to your side. Surely this isn't a normal nor healthy love with the way she is actively changing herself to fit you better yet there is a strange sense of happiness that arises whenever she manages to make you feel happy because she feigns interest in the stuff she usually wouldn't enjoy as much if it wouldn't be for you. If it's for you she thinks that it'll be fine and that it'll be worth it. After all you don't need to know that she goes against her own feelings in order to please you and to see you smile. Her willingness to help can be at times very unwarranted though, especially when she starts mothering you as her overprotective tendencies born out of kindness are subconsciously very strong. She instantly apologises when you voice your displeasure about it though, a habit you learn that she has.

◼️​Out of all of her friends she is the one who handles jealousy the best. Her very patient demeanor enables you to freely interact with people around you without having to worry about her reaction. In fact Tsubaki carries the mindset that she would like to befriend the people you spend a lot of time with and all of that without any malicious intent or hidden motives. Jealousy is a silent agony to her, one that she endures with pursed lips for as long as she can. Her heart is always aching but at the same time knowing that you are happy tickles her like warm rays of sunshine. Those conflicting sensations make her uneasy and slightly fidgety as she is unable to stay still whilst watching the scene unfold. It is in most cases after you and the other person have gone separate ways that she finds herself all over you all of a sudden and asking you question about everything that just happened. It is very likely that if she realises that you are very fond of the other person she will start picking up their hobbies and interests as well so that you can act just as happy around her as you did around them.

◼️​She is really the other side of the moon in comparison to her partner. Tsubaki does not possess such a hot-blooded temper like Black Star does even if her maternal instincts can be sometimes a bit too much for you. When you are around and upset, she always pours all of her attention in you. She fetches you little gifts to distract you from your feelings or cooks something for you all in hopes of cheering you up. Her intentions are mostly open-minded when she approaches someone but she always ends up giving them an unintentional heart attack because she underestimates her own stealth. In the perception of the other person she sometimes just quite literally pops up with a mellow expression on her face all whilst she wants to play the mediator and help to solve the conflict. There's no occasion I could think of where she would murder someone unless it is an emergency as she always prioritises staying by your side, especially after fights to ensure that your injuries are taken care of and that you get enough rest.

◼️​In the relationship the two of you have going on, Tsubaki is someone revolving around you as she actively shapes herself to be someone you will be happy and satisfied around. That means that you are one way or another the one in charge of everything whilst she goes along with it all. Her own wants are put aside as she puts your desires and wishes over her own. You'd never know if she would ever have the wish to move in with you until you are the one who starts asking her how she would feel about the thought of living together. Everything would be catered to your own ideas and images whilst she will go along with it all. She will let you choose the shape, size, location and colour of the house as well as the entire interior and furniture and only nod her head if you ask her what she thinks about it. Domestic life would be quite uncomplicated with her because she avoids all possible arguments by adjusting herself accordingly and doing everything possible to appease you.

◼️​Most of the time she would assume the role of the submissive part in this relationship as she does her best to always focus on your needs and your happiness. There are moments where she puts her foot down firmly and takes on a stubbornness that rivals the one of Black Star but only in dire situations and afterwards she is always rather flustered with her assertive behavior. She is easily embarrassed, especially if you are someone who is physically very affectionate but in reality she also really likes it when you touch her. Truth be told, Tsubaki is more lewd than she often lets on and even though she would be too flustered to admit that, you eventually find out about that other side of hers. She doesn't mind when you look at her naked body nor does she react quite as flustered when she walks in on you changing and being partially nude and she even suggests bathing together without bashing an eyelash which shocks you all the more as you did not expect her to have such a different side to her.

Death the Kid

​🔘​Kid is a finicky perfectionist who tends to get too caught up about the tiny details and this becomes quite apparent in his obsession. I wouldn't blame you for assuming that he would be quite overbearing to you due to his perfectionistic nature but it is actually the completely other way around. Kid builds incredibly high expectations for himself and he spends weeks plotting how to confess to you perfectly. Elizabeth and Patricia try to encourage him to just go for it but he reacts outrageous, ranting for minutes to both of them that someone as unique and special as you deserves nothing short of perfection from him. It is rather strange even to him though as he knows about his uptight behavior about the symmetry in life yet seems to not mind it as much when it comes to you. Sure, he has tons of ideas how to optimise your outfits and your looks to fit more into his aesthetic and can definitely become pushy with his advises very fast but he is not in literal agony even when you wear something that goes against all of his values.

​🔘​As tidy and balanced as he is, he definitely unleashes his obsession by keeping notebooks about you and he spends literal hours writing everything painstakingly down, mainly because he expects his own writing to look perfect and orderly and has a short meltdown when he spells something wrong or a letter doesn't fit in with the rest of what he has written. He reads those notebooks daily and memorises everything written down and if he should accidentally forget a detail about you, he'd spend a solid minute lamenting how ignorant and worthless he is to forget something about you. It is easy to forget that the Shinigami is still one who harbors a possessive nature as he thinks of his darling as a literal muse and refuses to let ugly people close to them, especially if they are ugly and asymmetrical in his eyes. You deserve so much better than that and whilst he is not as arrogant as to think that he has reached his desired level of perfection just yet, he does think that he admires and worships you more than anyone else.

​🔘​He has once proclaimed that he is far too mature to ever fall victim to a petty emotion such as jealousy and Elizabeth and Patricia could only exchange silent glances, already doubting his words. Kid is technically speaking a calmer person if you put him next to someone like Black Star yet it is the fact that he is low-key a worshipper for you that has him entering a disgusted indignation as soon as he spots someone asymmetrical daring to talk to the unpolished muse that is you. The longer he stares the worse it becomes as he notices all the imperfections on their face and clothes which only makes him want to pull at his hair. How dare they even step close to you without even properly checking their appearance?! He comes quite literally storming over, yellow eyes observing the other person outraged as his mask pulls into a disgusted grimace. There are two ways this can go. Either he starts ranting about how the other person could even dare to talk to you with such an unruly appearance or he quickly grabs your hands and drags you away whilst brooding and muttering under his breath about everything wrong with their look. He'll be afterwards vehement to deny his obvious jealousy though.

​🔘​Kid's fixation on balance and orderliness can also be found in his own morales. Every person has some evil within them, that even includes him and his own obsession which he is partially aware of, and order must always prevail and move forward. There is no pleasure that he takes in murdering others but if the evilness in someone's heart and the things that they have done to you overweight anything else, he shows no hesitation to execute someone. It's not always easy, especially if someone shows remorse but there are things he can't forgive even if the other person regrets it as death is sometimes the only way to repent. He is not above others though even if he is the son of the God of Death as he is suspectible to emotions such as anger and wrath and won't be able to always control them properly, leading in some cases to an outburst of rage that accidentally leads him to destroy things in his surroundings due to his recklessness.

​🔘​He has most likely a detailed plan of his routine and the life he plans to lead in the future and now that he has you, you are made part of that plan as well. Without a doubt would he plan to share a house with you later on but he wouldn't abduct you until all of his expectations are fulfilled which means until he feels like everything is completely perfect. He spends months designing everything, buying all the furniture and arranging everything only to re-arrange it over and over again until he finally feels like everything is perfect like he wants it to be and that is when he finally starts planning to invite you to live together with him which will also take him some time until he has cited every word perfectly in front of his mirror. He'd be devastated if you would turn him down though, desperate to find out what he did wrong and how he can redeem himself. He'd blackmail you if you deny him for too long as he would just snap eventually and use his position as a True Reaper to force you to live with him.

🔘​He's begging you to allow him to choose clothes for you as he believes that he could choose outfits for you that would suit you much better and draw out all of your beauty. Kid gets ridiculously offended the moment someone tries to downplay you as he sings praises about you every time the conversation shifts to you, going as far as threatening them to take those egregious words back and apologise. Oh, why does no one perceive you for the unique beauty that you are?? Asymmetry is something Kid only really tolerates with you but even then he busily finds himself begging you to let him help you with it all. He offers to cut your hair, to pluck your eyebrows and even to cut and manicure your nails and hands so that everything is balanced and symmetrical. Everything should be to your liking so he's on the ground if you even mention that something isn't quite to your preference, writhing on the floor as he starts exclaiming that he is ashamed of having disappointed you and it takes you a while to comfort him in his theatrical sorrow.

Elizabeth Thompson

🔶​Between the two sisters, Elizabeth is the one who would be the one partially in on everything concerning her obsession. It's quite safe to say that her inner turmoil spoils her mood quite a lot. She doesn't know how she should handle her feelings for you and doesn't want to risk other people finding out about it, especially not you. This results in her being quite moody and gruff as soon as merely your name is brought up in a conversation as she essentially tries to sell the tough girl attitude by acting like she doesn't really care about you. Unfortunately she fails quite often, especially if you look at her or get too close to her. Her heart starts pounding against her ribcage, her hands start to get sweaty and she starts stuttering as words fail her. All the embarrassment from those things only makes everything more intense and before you know it she's storming away whilst yelling incoherent words all whilst her burning face is buried in her hands. Do not even bring it up to her later on unless you want to risk irritating her.

🔶​Whilst she may still fumble around with her self-control and a total grasp of the situation, there is one thing Liz knows from a quite early stage on. That she doesn't really like the thought of you ending up with someone else. Keep in mind that there was a time before her and Patricia became the weapons of kid where she and her sister were essentially thugs stealing from others. A part of that mindset still exists somewhere within her and that selfishness and mentality to steal what she wants turns into possessive urges that won't allow her to rest easy and just watch back whilst every other damn jerk could try to get to you. As previously mentioned, she knows that what she is doing is wrong and she really hates herself sometimes for the way she behaves because of her feelings but she has no control over it at times. Liz is fully committed to team up with her sister and scare and frighten people who get on your nerves though or who threaten you in another way. No one's going to mess with you if she can put a stop to it.

🔶​Her patience is tested in new ways she never thought would be possible even despite all the antics Kid showcases. She really wants to act like she is more cool-headed than that but she just can't bite her tongue and lash out a bit when it becomes too much for her. Whether she makes some cynical comments or assumes a facade she would have showed in the past on the streets when someone starts getting too confident with you, she refuses to elaborate on her behavior later on. No,she was not jealous back then. You're just imagining things right now. Her younger sister Patty probably thinks she is doing her a favor by spying on you because she knows of her sister's interest in you and always telling her when there is someone else who seems to be rather fond of you or the other way around but it really only serves to make things harder to hide for Liz. She can never tell if Patty has perhaps read the situation wrong or not but she is ultimately too paranoid to ignore it and always ends up checking the situation out herself. Most of the time she realises that there is nothing going on but it is the chance that her sister might be right the next time that keeps her on edge.

🔶​She fully reverts to the life of a thug whenever she has to scare someone. As much awareness as Liz may have about her current predicament, for some reason she has never had much problems threatening and intimidating other people. Perhaps that is because most of the time she goes after people who have done something shitty which affected you. Patty always insists on tagging along and even if Liz tells her to stay out of it, her sister ends up following her nine out of ten times anyways and helps Liz to tell with any asshole that thought that they could mess with you and get away with it. She just starts bullying the other person, sneering at the person and insulting them whilst cornering somewhere together with Patty who joins Liz. She starts working on her hand-to-hand combat as well because she knows that there are times where she won't be able to fight with Patty and whilst she is skilled enough to beat up ordinary people, she needs to get stronger by herself. It isn't like she fights fair though, she's grown up on the streets after all. Think smart, not hard.

🔶​As new as everything is for her and as much as she dislikes her own behavior at times, at least she is quite laid-back when it comes to the topic of living together. She isn't as desperate as someone like Kid would be and she doesn't obsess about it like he would do either. This is a step she is willing to take at a slow tempo because as long as she can spend enough time with you, she isn't going to be clingy. Partially she doesn't want you two to move in too soon is also because she is so messy. She didn't grow up in a normal household after all and she has no sense of order differently from Kid. She can't even properly cook and clean and is far too embarrassed to admit that to you. She should at least be decent enough to learn the basics before considering the idea. She knows she wouldn't have the best capabilities to care for someone for a long period of time. Her moody behavior does lead her to be irrational at times in which case it isn't unlikely that she uses sleeping powder on you or knocks you out to drag you somewhere to lock you away, mostly when she thinks that it's too dangerous for you but you're too stubborn to listen.

🔶​Liz lays down her pride and eventually asks Tsubaki if she could teach her how to cook because she knows that you enjoy the woman's cooking and she feels low-key jealous about it. Liz is the one with the obsession here yet at times she finds herself more concerned with Patty's behavior because her younger sister complies with everything she does far too easily without stopping to question it. Patty has always been her partner in crime and it isn't any different even now as she always assists and helps Liz with everything, even ganging up with her to scare people who thought that they could make you cry. Normally she would like to be seen as a cool and mature woman by you but all of that shatters the moment the topic of paranormal things gets brought up in which case she abandons her tough mask entirely and is clutching onto you for dear life. Couple outfits are going to be a thing the moment the two of you are in a relationship and though she still tries to act mature, secretly she cares a lot about it.

Patricia Thompson

🔸​Patricia could not be more different from her sister as she acts a lot like a child and always keeps a cheerful and happy demeanor on her. This childish mindset of her does not allow her to even comprehend her own feelings for a good while whilst still acting on them nevertheless. Patty knows that she feels always happy when she is around you and for that she constantly seeks you out. The girl is extremely clingy and gets upset and mad when she can't find you to the point of throwing a tantrum, though her mood instantly brightens when she finally finds you. Due to her inabilities to even fully understand her own emotions she is definitely delusional. She doesn't give the attachment she feels for you too much thoughts and often tells you cheerfully to do the same. You think too much and enjoy too little. Just do it like her and enjoy life and you'll be just as jolly as she is always when she has you with her...

🔸​Just like Liz she is also quite possessive because she is not unfamiliar to the concept of stealing from other people. Though there is no need for her anymore to steal from others to ensure her and her sister's survival, those possessive feelings fully resurface now that you are in her life. She sees it all in a quite uncomplicated manner though as she essentially already calls you "hers" as she assumes that with the amount of time she spends with you, she has already claimed you as hers. Very visibly confused when you hastily explain to her that this doesn't work as simply as you are not an object that belongs to whoever possesses it before she starts pouting and asks you what she would have to do so that you would be officially hers. If you give her a detailed answer she would probably just kiss you and ask you if you now belong to her. She has no shame and whether that is because she doesn't concern herself with thinking too much or if she just thinks that because the two of you are a couple she doesn't have to be ashamed aside, her attitude will be a real problem for you and the people around you.

🔸Very much like a child would get jealous and upset if someone would take their most valued thing away from them, Patty would react in a similar way. You're unable to ignore her for more than a few seconds as she will do her everything to make you aware of her again. She prods your cheeks, tugs at your clothes or shoves herself in front of you and calls your name repeatedly so that you turn your attention to her again. She is being a nuisance but you know at one point that trying to lose her won't end well. For someone with such a simple-minded personality, Patty can get scary very quickly, especially if it is the other person telling her that she is being noisy and annoying. The violent threats which leave her lips so effortlessly when she turns around with that same jolly grin on her face are concerning and disturbing, especially once she gives them an almost condescending glare and tells them that they are the one in the way because you are already her person.

🔸​Between Liz and her, Patty is much more prone to violence. She is low-key a bit unhinged and doesn't shy away from threatening others. Whether someone has made you cry or because she doesn't like how they have been stealing you away from her for too long, every word will be spoken with the same childish grin which only makes her more terrifying in such situations. She doesn't even lie about it either as she admits openly that she is the reason why someone is suddenly too scared to get closer to you, though in her opinion threatening others isn't anything that should be of concern as it was a daily occurence in her past. That nefarious grin is still preferable to the insane anger that can possess her when she fully loses her temper and truly returns into a violent criminal that won't even bat her eyelashes whilst casually shooting someone or breaking their bones. Ironically enough she would be one of the most dangerous people for others as she doesn't consider the true horror of her actions that much.

🔸​The two of you will stay together for the rest of your lives and that is final. She doesn't care about what you have to say about that as in most cases rejections enter her ear before leaving through her other. Anyone else who tries to explain to her that she is in the wrong and that she should respect your decision is getting that truly frightening grin from her as they don't have any business to tell her what to do and what not to do. I wouldn't put it above her that she may have tried to break into your own house in the past. She knows where you live because she so frequently follows you and once she knows where your house is located, she constantly pops up and knocks on your door whilst telling you cheerfully to let her inside. You feel like the protagonist of a horror movie whenever her knocks turn more persistent and violent all whilst her happy voice rings through the air with the same request to open the door and let her inside because she wants to see you. Luckily Liz has often retrieved her and apologised to you through the door.

🔸​She literally acts like you are the incarnation of Einstein whenever you tell her something she didn't know before. You have to consider that her and her sister were abandoned on the streets and for that never received a proper education so to her you are extremely intelligent as you know so much more than she does. Patty has insisted for you to teach her the most basic stuff at times and you had no choice but to agree as rejections are always useless with her though she can barely concentrate on what you tell her as soon as the two of you sit down. She can't sit still nor can she remain silent for a long time as she is far too fidgety and always wants to do something with you. She can be incredibly insensitive to your own emotions at times due to not being able to read the situation properly and even if she tries to help you in her own ways, she makes it all worse for you but won't leave you alone anyways.

[cvlutos]

ALL YOURS!!

OMG your latest Wally fic is so good I'm obsessed!! I'm not that good with words but I have an scenario request! Soo plsplspls bear with me! What about Wally x reader who's also a puppet and been member of this beautiful peaceful community from the start like all of them. But the reader gained consciousness not so long ago. Reader is freaking out they don't love Wally anymore they don't remember him and their love for them and they also don't want to, they just want to go away. Wally on the other hand in fact does, he's always been conscious one in the neighbourhood and he loves them very much!! maybe even a bit too obsessed with them? He doesn't understand how the reader can't remember their sweet lovely memories of being together. He's very desperate and pushy with them he wants the reader to remember! To love him like they used to (BONUS ANGST POINTS IF THEY ARE MARRIED!!!!!!!!) also you could finish it however you want (angst, fluff, dark idk I'm not good w this) thanks!

A/N. A very very old ask, I accidentally deleted. I havent played nor read any Wally in a long long time. So. I was going off solely what I remembered. I also have some old old old twst content I might freshen up.

ʚїɞ | Jul.06th.2024 | —K |

ʚїɞ| Wally Darling | Gn!Reader

ʚїɞ | Old Story | Self-Aware | Yandere | No Chance of Escape |

ʚїɞ | Synopsis: You live here and you will love it. |

It's all yours.

Yours. That which belongs to you. The house is yours, with colorful walls, and colorful doors that practically sing when they open and birds that chirp with a lovely lovely tune. You liked it before. Woke every morning to the smiling sun, happy to hum along. Until one day.

You feel out of place. Feeling the wire strings that poke and prob into your skin, and move you, that make you step, wave, dance, bow. Your face in an always expressive happy smile, always happy, always glad. Always. Always. Always. It's harder to ignore day by day. Harder to ignore how aware you are, how conscious you are of your existence, but them not.

Julie who rather plays the day away, humming and laughing happily with such a smile as she plays hopscotch, always begging you to play and happily hugging you whenever you agreed. Which was all the time, until recently. You began to reject her smiling invitations, not wanting to play. And she would merely tilt her head in surprise before letting out a happily laugh, "Tomorrow then!!" And she goes on her merry way.

Eddie who always has mail, who's always on the move. Delivery after delivery. Letter after letter. Art craft after art craft, folding colored paper, gluing on sticky glitter. Always providing solutions through hard work. Always asking you to accompany him on his deliveries, and how could you not. It always led to such fun, to crazy adventures. Until you reject him, watching his brows raise and eyes widen, before he let's out a honest flustered laugh. "That's alright! Next time!"

Sally who's always performing. Always acting in front of her colored curtain. Or instructing you to act and how whatever theatrical scene she Invisioned, always asking you to join her fantasy world. And of course you accepted. Putting on a special outfit, doing your hair and makeup and preforming for you neighbors. But like the others, you reject her offer. To which she tilts her heard, before giving you a grand shining bow, "All actors need a break from the stage! We'll play later!"

Play. To them. This is a world of fun, a world of joy, happiness, where the sun never sets, so the day never ends. The curtain never stops, the letters are always delivered, the game never ends..

"It's yours."

And no matter how you look at it, no matter the angle, the glasses you wear, the color of the lenses, it doesn't change your feelings. You hate everyone here. You hate how deluded they are, how happy they are, how they live without fear without concern.

And as you stand in front of your home, clutching the painted yellow key, a house designed after you. Made to your exact liking. At least it was made to you, the you who didn't know. Who didn't feel the—the constant weight of merely existing in a world so unnatural. Shoved into the box of sickening happiness — of Wally's Darling. The one who without fail was always beside him, always his muse. You can't stand the thought of him, it was all designed. All made up.

"Is the house so pretty that you have to admire it so? I do think it's gorgeous, it's made for you after all."

Hands clasped behind his back, lazy smile resting upon his lips. Unbothered smile and unbothered eyes, he knew you'd be here. You can't force a smile when you see him, instead turning your gaze to the ground, which makes his eyes widen. Shoes clicking across the paved ground and sitting beside you. "Do you feel alrighty, it's not often I see you with your smile, you always smile for me, give me a smile, love."

He nudges you, resting his elbow into his knees, propping his face in the palm of his hands. Copying your closed in form, silently mocking you.

"I don't love you.... "

This gets his attention. His usually lax expression changes into on of utter confusion, before he tries to smile, and laugh. "Silly silly. I'll forgive you this one time, but some jokes are cr—"

"I'm not joking."

He pauses for a moment, sitting up, your watching his face tremble, that smile he wears wants to disappear. He can't. But his eyes seem darker, and his voice seems different. "You couldn't possibly be serious."

You clutch your fist, the key digs into your palm. You try to build your resolve. "I am." Wally shakes his head roughly, he doesn't look at you, the world seems to tremble.

"Jokes like that are cruel." He doesn't raise his voice, he wants too. You want to leave. You're stuck to the bench. You can't leave.

"I don't—I want—I can't be here. This isn't—"

He says your name firmly, forcing your words to become trapped within your throat. He hasn't said your name. He never says your name. It's cold. Have you been cold before. Everyone seems to be watching you, staring at you. His eyes are so black and big. He forces a smile and head tilt.

"Lovely. I'll forgive you this one time." He holds up one of his fingers and rises to his feet, standing—towering—in front of you. He stares—down—at you. "You gotta remember we don't make jokes like that to our friends. Nor hurt our—your—special person. It hurts their—my—feelings." He smiles and holds his hand out to you.

His eyes stare.

It's all yours.

You place your hand in his and rise to your feet. He stares. Making your way to the colorful door of "your" house. It has your name gorgeous painted.

It's yours.

That which belongs to you. The house is yours, with color walls, and colorful doors that practically sing when they open and birds that chirp with a lovely lovely tune. He stares.

It's always yours. Always. Always. Always. It's harder to ignore, harder to ignore how aware you are, how conscious you are of your existence.

And how conscious he is of yours.

ⓒ 2024 cvlutos — all rights reserved. Any sort of plagiarizing, copying, modifying, translating, editing of my works are strictly prohibited.

[vasito-de-leche]

Hi! I read about your super cool Self Aware R1999 AU and it got me thinking about what Sonetto would be like, since I have a 100% bond with her in the suitcase.

Would she try to keep normalcy? Have a brand new idle line? Perhaps pull a Monika DDLC and start writing poetry where she tries to grapple with the fact that there’s an eldritch being puppeteering her best friend?

;R1999 SONETTO - Self-Aware AU

Headcanons about how Sonetto would act upon becoming self-aware. Related to this Self-Aware AU post.

glad you like the AU! this was a nice chance to explore Sonetto's character more <3

To organize my thoughts better, I gotta talk about Sonetto first for a bit.

I definitely talked about this with a few friends, but Sonetto is a wonderful character to me because I both dislike and feel for her a lot - especially in the new 1.4 Main Story update. The emphasis the game puts into her role as a military dog (raised to follow orders and die for a cause she doesn't truly understand) and a lost puppy (a curious and dependant child believing her caretakers have the best of intentions) really lives up to the way she portrays these same traits. Yes, it's awful to see her continue to perpetuate the harmful ideas the Foundation taught her, but it makes sense. Yes, it's lovely to see her slowly break away from everything she's ever known, and yet revert back to her habits because change is difficult. The way she works perfectly as a foil to Vertin, it's so good!

To me, Sonetto is a character that resists change, while yearning for it at the same time. That's why her Medium is curiosity, after all. It's so lovely and ironic to see THE perfect example of a Foundation martyr being set up for failure in something that they couldn't have even foreseen, her own Medium, her own innate curiosity.

So with this in mind, I think that within the Self-Aware AU ... I think she would be able to deal with this sudden awareness of everything being fake, because her first reaction would be to assume there's something wrong with herself for thinking something so outlandish, so beyond what she was taught. Sonetto would still resist this change - if this is a game, then she's not meant to be aware of it, therefore she's the one at fault and perhaps, broken in a way.

Maybe "broken" is too heavy of a word, I imagine it's more like she believes she broke the rules by gaining this level of sentience. That it' wasn't supposed to happen in the first place.

How would she act overall?

I feel like Sonetto would be relatively fine upon becoming sentient because of this, she'd be shaken but would continue to do as expected and follow the script like a proper little chess piece, one of the many cogs needed in the machine - her reasoning is simple: if everyone who is self-aware began to act out, there wouldn't be a game to play. And what would happen to her friends, then? If this stability that the plot and script brings is suddenly gone?

There would be times where she might slip up, but they'd be very subtle changes in the her dialogue - perhaps the inflection of her voice, rather than the words - she might pause for longer to think, to consider whether to do anything outside of what she's expected to. But that's about it.

The problem begins when she finds out (or is told) that the Foundation had known this truth about the world they live in for longer than she's been alive. Sonetto remains docile entirely to keep that order and harmony she's been raised to maintain, but to find out that the very people who taught her that have known and done nothing but lie to everyone - that would be the catalyst for her.

Personally, I like to think that this is something she figures out on her own, rather than being told. A truth she must face on her own instead of just accepting someone else's words.

Her behaviour would still largely remain the same whenever she knows she has a part to play, but in those moments when she knows there's no "camera" looking at her, Sonetto would... sit there. WIth the way I've interpreted Sonetto, she's a character that struggles to actually have an identity outside of the Foundation's training, so now that this is something she can't rely on, she's at a loss as to what to do with this newfound freedom.

I imagine this is when other arcanists who were self-aware before her would start reaching out to Sonetto and slowly give her that stability she needs.

On the subject of Sonetto's relationship with Vertin.

The way I interpreted Sonetto and Vertin's dynamic, I don't see them as best friends!

From reading back some scenes and transcribing most of CH 03 of the Main Story, it feels like both Sonetto and Vertin have always found themselves in a one-sided relationship: when they were kids, Sonetto rejected Vertin's attempts at becoming friends because of their differences, even if they were both curious about each other. They never striked me as close. Now that years have passed, Vertin treats Sonetto similar to how she treats everyone else, while Sonetto explicitly wants to be closer to Vertin due to what happened when they were kids.

To me, Vertin has shown more emotion to Schneider and Madam Z than to Sonetto. There's this one-sided dynamic again.

In the context of the AU, I think Sonetto finding out about what Vertin goes through with this entity and this role that the game forced upon her, she would double down on her feelings to protect Vertin. There's a lot of guilt involved, since - once again - that's what the Foundation teaches to all orphan arcanists, to repent for their unruly and destructive existence.

I think Sonetto would feel guilty for not gaining sentience sooner, while Vertin has been struggling with this heavy weight for God knows how long. She would recontextualize everything about Vertin, her actions and the differences that constantly got her into trouble as a child, her desire to escape - attributing all of it to this entity that follows her. Because I do think that Sonetto idolizes Vertin to a degree that fuels this one-sided dynamic between them, not out of malice of course, just like a puppy.

So in the end, Sonetto would resent the Player and worry even more for Vertin, now using this as a justification for acting out of line and out of script, as Vertin's self-imposed protector.

It would take Sonetto a looooooong time to do anything with her sentience and freedom, beyond continuing to support Vertin. Her poems and her art would reflect this progress slowly, but yeah, not a lot of noticeable changes.

Reaching 100% Bond with Sonetto.

This is a very conflicting event for Sonetto, I'd say.

The more attention you pay to her, the more aware she becomes of your influence - and now she has to come to terms with the fact that there is no way of separating you from Vertin. She can't free Vertin from this fate, and it doesn't look like she wants that to happen either, but it eats Sonetto from inside out. Because she doesn't understand, and she wants to know why this is the way things are meant to be.

When it comes to reaching 100% Bond with her, or levelling her up and so on, I don't think she'd pay much attention to the mechanical aspect of it all. She's a skilled arcanist, she's the first important character the game gives to you during the tutorial stages, she knows just how important her Disarm ability can be to win a battle - of course you would want her on your team.

But as she slowly spends more time with Vertin and the Player, I think Sonetto would start to wonder about the outside world. They're small, little and impulsive thoughts in the back of her mind, like wondering if you too have someone in this fictional little world that you care about enough to see the story through the end. Are you capable of loving someone that can't reach out to you nor acknowledge your presence? Isn't it cruel, for those who remain blind to the truth, to be so loved and cherished by you?

Do you read the newspaper the same way Vertin does? Do you care about her? About her goals and dreams and thoughts?

This is the only way Sonetto can reconcile this resentment she has for you: through Vertin. I think Vertin would eventually notice all these subtle changes, the way Sonetto never looks truly happy whenever she looks at Vertin, looking above as if she could catch a glimpse of the Player. And Vertin would help through the whole process, easing up to sentience as a whole, to accepting the Player's existence as just something that is there, neither good or bad.

While she's one of the very few who has no trouble differentiating your actions and influence from Vertin's own free will, she would eventually come to respect your choices. Doing her best and beyond whenever you choose her to battle, because now the stakes are higher - now, she's choosing to fight for something she fully understands and cares about.

I like to think that Sonetto can't hear you, but she might be able to see you. Little glimpses here and there, when she happens to look up at the sky, and she sees you cheering after beating that one level that's been giving you a headache. I like to think that she would share these details about you with Vertin, if only to ease her own mind about the complex dynamic you have with THE Timekeeper.

But at the end of the day, this is progress and these are many changes that happen out of your field of vision. Perhaps, one day, Sonetto will gather the courage to thank you for taking care of Vertin when no one else would.

[blackbackedjackal]

Hey, I'm sorry Dog coming back brought out old feelings again (that surprised me too).

I'm kinda baffled about the June and June ripoff thing, and you mentioned in a recent post that Blud admitted to ripping her design intentionally (or I misunderstood this part, not sure). Do you mind elaborating more about that whole situation?

I figured she was planning to come back since she deleted her posts about the situation recently. If she's going to come back she AT MINIMUM needs to apologize to the people she's hurt. But she'll likely just block anyone who tells her the truth of the situation.

So Lacey, bootleg June, was a character Ependa made as a self-insert to make art of with Phoebe, DogBlud's """"trans"""" self-insert OC (that's a whole other can of worms I don't even wanna touch rn).

But basically, and this is my theory knowing the context of the situation, Dog was "interested" in me and June because she equates OCs to personas/fursonas. She assumed I WAS June because that's how she views OCs. I was dating a girl at the time so I was "off-limits" as she would put it, so she convinced Ependa to change Lacey to look like June since they're dating.

As she so eloquently puts it, she "files off the barcodes" of characters and then makes them her own. She already did this with Phoebe as she's just the Grave Robber, Audrey, from Darkest Dungeon as a catgirl (no I'm not kidding). I think because June was getting more known around the werewolf community, she wanted to use her as a stepping stone to gain more popularity. She's obsessed with being known/popular within the community and if she can't convince someone to fall in line with her, she steals from them or tries to choke them out.

She was called out about it by several people after the initial drawing was made and I approached her privately about changing the design. I would have much preferred them to go back to the old design because the way that Lacey is written she's the stereotypical poc guard dog character who protects her uwu precious snowflake Phoebe. We discussed this at length multiple times during the development of the studio and she deflected it every time. I'll have to pull up the screenshots of what had me 100% fed up with her bullshit, but yeah, she's literally just trying to fuck my OC in a roundabout way while also making her a ciswoman because Dog is deeply transphobic.

She always said that the werewolf community is a "small pond" and she obviously was aware of June and June's design prior to Lacey being changed. She tried to play it off like she "didn't notice" as if she hadn't drawn June before or like we hadn't been sharing art with each other for a year prior. Nasty ass.

[weixuldo]

Allow me// ch 11

Vader x Reader

a/n: i’m finally back omggg! school has been so fucking busy lately, but here an update finally is!! ty all for being so patient with me :) and i’ll do my best to stay on top of the updates! enjoy!!

how long can vader keep avoiding you?

warnings: cursing, implied sexual activity

_____________________

Vader paced up and down the halls more domineering than normal; his aura was simply icy. Troopers bowed and scurried off faster than ever- it was evident the Sith was not to be tested today. 

Under his outward image, he was really just an insecure wreck- he felt he was too “vulnerable” with you so he needed to exude power and dominance to everyone else.

He assigned you a detail that would last mostly the whole day in a sector that he rarely visited because he was too embarrassed to face you.

Imagine that, Darth Vader, scared to confront you- not something you see everyday. 

His cape trailed behind him as he marched towards the bridge. He spent the day barking orders at the men beneath him (and force choking a few for insubordination too).

He ended the day feeling unrested and unfulfilled; part of him wanted to go meditate, but the memory of the last time there haunted him. Instead, he opted to tinker with his TIE-fighter. 

On the way to his docking bay he felt the familiar pull of his master. Palpatine wanted to speak with him…great.

He was already in a bad mood but now he had to go see what new bidding he was supposed to do. Begrudgingly he changed his path to head for the built in throne room on the upper level. 

Across the ship, you hauled your tool bag all the way back to your room after an exhausting day. Your brain was filled with worries and bad self esteem all day- you were tired and wanted to rest, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to do that peacefully without knowing why Vader was acting like this all of a sudden. 

After dropping your bag off, you set off to find him. Over the weeks you had gotten closer with the Sith, your ability to feel his force signature became more pronounced. 

The halls seemed more frigid than normal without the security of knowing you were on good terms with Vader (hopefully things would be getting back to normal soon).

After wandering corridor after corridor, his signature kept leading you to dead ends, was he doing this on purpose? Just to toy with you?

The truth was quite the contrary- on the top deck of the ship, Vader entertained an audience with his master; bent on an uncomfortable knee. During their meetings, Palpatine always hid their signatures with his overbearing power. 

“Are you familiar with a rebel called ‘Sabe’?” the emperor groaned. 

Under his helmet, Vader’s eye twitched at the name; he was too deep into the lie that he couldn’t just admit right now. He knew there would be dire consequences if he admitted to anything but they would be even worse if Palpatine found out on his own. 

Deep down, Vader knew that his master was aware of the actions that transpired and was just playing with him before making a scene; based on the lack of audience in the throne room, Vader deduced that he was safe…for today at least. 

The Emperor loved to make a scene. 

“No, Master. I have not heard of such a rebel”.

Vader knew he would be punished eventually, but he needed to make amends with you before anything happened to him. He couldn’t leave you feeling like he played with your emotions; after a lot of thought he realized how you might take his unwillingness to confront you- you may think he’s angry or avoiding you out of spite. 

He couldn’t have that. 

So he would delay the inevitable for just a little longer so that he could put your mind at ease (even if it meant a harsher punishment for him).

“She has apparently gained some of our intel. I was just making sure that you had no hand in it, seeing as she is a former handmaiden" Palpatine hissed. 

She was a former handmaiden and that is the main reason Vader helped her, but the emperor had been extorting his love for his former wife for far too long- he was sick of it. 

“I am aware of a handmaiden named Sabe, but it was ages ago that I was familiar with her in any capacity” Vader spoke, slowly but surely. 

The emperor nodded his cloaked head and smiled a grotesque grin, “very well apprentice, you may go”.

Vader bowed once more before heading for the exit. He was going to regret this later. 

__________________

Eventually you gave up trying to locate the Sith; if he wanted to talk, he would make it known.

Sadly, that was the dynamic he had set up.

You sat at the desk in your room and idly swiped on your personal holopad; maybe you would go tinker around when more workers turned in for the night. 

Vader rushed through the rest of his duties for the day because he knew that he didn’t have much time until Palpatine unleashed his rage upon him, all his master needed was an audience.

The armored man knew he needed to explain all of this to you; the situation, the handmaiden, padme… as well as clear up the incident from the other day. 

He was on high alert because of the emperor’s watchful eyes; the last thing he needed was you getting involved with a danger far beyond your capabilities. So he tinkered with an old mouse droid and wired it to send a message to you to be more inconspicuous.

The mouse arrived at your door with a bump on the door; the message was vague but did the job, because in no time you had made your way to Vader’s chambers. 

“Hello?” you asked to the dark room. 

“My dear…” the darkness responded.

You thought you would be able to play it off as if his absence hadn’t affected you, but as soon as you heard his deep voice, your emotions got the better of you. 

“What is going on? Why have you been avoiding me?” you said, irritation evident in your tone. 

He stepped out of the shadows and exhaled heavily. 

“It was not my intention to-”

“It really doesn’t matter what your intention was. You still avoided me. You tell me you care for me but aren’t even mature enough to tell me why!”.

“I-” he stopped to look down.

“I was wrong to avoid you. I have no excuses for my immature behavior and I sincerely apologize, y/n. Truly, I do”

“I was worried you would…look down on me…pity me. And I was trying to avoid your disappointment” he admitted, making you confused. 

“Why would I feel pity or look down upon you?” you asked sincerely. 

“You know why,” he mumbled. 

“No, I don't” you responded, crossing your arms. 

“Please don’t toy with me”.

“I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about Vader”. 

He sighed once more and looked away, “Nevermind… I just wanted to apologize for avoiding you. It was nothing against you and I do not want you to feel slighted by me”.

You bit your lip and nodded. 

“Alright… thank you for relaying that to me”

His shoulders seemed to relax.

“But how exactly am I supposed to think anything else when you aren't exactly talking to me at the moment? V, I have been tormenting myself because I was worried that I did something wrong and you just let my thoughts fester. You have no idea the power you have over me…”

WIthout another word he gently placed his gloved hands on your shoulders and bent down towards you. Your eyes widened as you felt the exhale of his respirator against your cheek. 

“From now on, I will be more forthcoming with my feelings towards you. I do not wish this “misunderstanding” to become our constant. I will do better” he promised. 

The nerve under your eye jumped, making your eye unintentionally twitch; he noticed and released his intense hold on you. It took you a moment to process his declaration.

With a deep breath, you responded. 

“V, I care about you in a way I have never felt before… All I want is you to feel similarly for me. I know you may not be able to show it all the time, but that's why our private moments mean so much more to me.” you explained, twisting your hands behind your back. 

He listened intently.

“If you weren’t comfortable with what happened the other day, I would like you to tell me. I won’t do it again and I will respect your boundaries more, I just need you to voice them so I know not to overstep-”

“You didn’t overstep at all,” his deep voice boomed. 

“It was more of an…internal… problem.” he gingerly added. 

“Internal?” you asked. 

He sighed and made his way over to the bed that he never used and sat on the edge.

“I- umm.. I have not shared the type of interaction we shared in a very long time.” he started.

You nodded, “I know”.

He turned his mask from you when you took a seat beside him. 

“My body was not quite used to the strong feelings that surge through my system when you are so near to me…it still isn’t” he admitted shyly. 

“Those feelings aren't necessarily a bad thing, at least not to me.” you said. 

“Because you make me feel the same way”.

Vader could feel the warmth creeping up onto his cheeks, “I don’t think you are fully understanding what I'm trying to say…”

“What do you mean then?”

He took a breath before explaining. 

“When we were in my chamber… those feelings of passion got the better of me and something occurred that I wasn’t aware could still happen…You are aware I was injured many years ago, correct?”.

You nodded. 

“Mostly every part of my body was affected in one way or another…meaning so was my…”

Ohhhh.

Your eyes widened just a tad, but he definitely noticed because he looked away again. 

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of Vader, you fought hard and you're still here, thats all that really matters”

“Yes, but what I am trying to say is… I was just surprised when I- I wasn’t expecting…”

Before he continued to stutter out words, you gently rubbed his arm with an endearing smile. 

“Hey, It’s ok, V. Really, it is”.

“I’m sorry” he said in the softest tone you had ever heard come from him. 

You pulled him closer and he held on to your waist as you rubbed his back and assured him that you thought no different of him.

Maybe it was his age or maybe he had been deprived for so long, but he found himself able to reach a level of vulnerability with you that he never thought he could do again. Your embrace was warm and he allowed himself to lower his defenses ever so slightly.

After a few moments you asked if he wanted to lie down and he agreed. After adjusting the pressure and taking apart his suit, he ended up in your gentle embrace once more. 

In your arms he wasn't Darth Vader- the feared sith lord, nor was he the once great Jedi, Anakin Skywalker. He was just “V”. And nowadays, that's all he wanted to be. 

“I’m honestly kind of flattered” you broke the silence.

“Hmm?”

“Do I really have that much of an effect on you?”; he could hear the smirk in your voice.

“Do I really have to answer that?” he responded with his natural raspy voice and a smile. 

You loved hearing him without the mask. Of course, his mechanical deep voice still did something for you, but there was something so appealing about his softer spoken raspy voice; the gasses of Mustafar left his vocal chords scorched (much like the rest of him).

“Yes” you responded playfully. 

“Then, yes. You have a powerful hold over me” he said; his intense eyes burrowed into yours making you turn away and blush. 

“Turning away from me? Why so shy?” he quipped.

His gloved hand brushed against your cheek and you reveled in the feeling before grabbing his hand, mid-motion.

“How did it feel? Was it good?”.

His eyes widened and his mouth parted as you lifted yourself on top of him.

“I-” he started before you gently settled your ass over his crotch area. 

You bent down with a smirk and whispered into his ear, “now who’s the shy one”.

He exhaled shakily and felt his dick twitch; maker, it felt blissful. 

“I-it felt good… so, so good” he responded, placing his hands around your waist. 

“Before I knew it, I just couldn’t contain my pleasure anymore- not with you sitting so prettily on my lap”.

“So how exactly are you lying so still right now if we’re in almost the same position?” you asked. 

“I'm barely holding it together, my dear” he seemed to growl.

“Shall we fix that?”.

“That would be a pleasing course of action” he responded with a mischievous smile. 

____________________________

After some activities, the two of you cuddled up next to each other and talked about everything under the sun. Likes, dislikes, past, future, eachother… Everything was in high spirits until Vader remembered why he wanted to talk about this with you today (in particular).

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Vader decided to speak. 

“My master wishes to hold an audience tomorrow.” he said, staring at the ceiling. 

“What is it this time? Hopefully it will be short” you responded as you traced small circles on his chest plate. 

“I don’t think it will be quick. In fact the meeting may take several days”.

“What do you mean by that?” you asked, slightly sitting up. 

“I have pushed back a matter the emperor has been pursuing. I have lied to him to better myself but I know he has caught me. He is only calling an audience so he can make an example of me.”

“Vader, if you know that, you can’t go!” you exclaimed. 

“Unfortunately it is a position I have been in before…. There is nothing I can do to avoid it; even if I tried to, my punishment would be even worse-”

You sat up and looked down at him, “Please, you can’t. What if- What if the emperor..”

Vader’s eyes faded into the comforting blue and he propped himself up to your height. 

“It means the galaxy that you are concerned about for me, y/n. But no matter what happens, I won’t give up because I have you to look forward to seeing. I have you to look forward to being with when these insufferable trials are finished.” he brought your forehead to his gently. 

“But Palpatine? Would he… would he kill you?” you asked quietly. 

Vader shook his head, “Not as long as I am useful to the empire, and as of now, I am a key asset. But do not fret too much darling, I will return.”

Though his reassurance was nice to hear, it did little to lessen the tension in the force surrounding the both of you. Neither of you wanted to address it, so instead you laid back down in each other's arms and pretended everything was going to be ok. 

***

a/n: just for clarification they didnt have sex, they just did other things (saving the sex for another ch lol. sorry again for being so late w the updates 😭 lmk if u liked the chapter though!!

taglist: @vadersassistant @sxoulohvn @khaleesihavilliard @kashasenpai @darling-murdock @beautifulbearpolice @salvatoresister1 @lune-de-miel-au-paradis @blueninjablade3 @jujuba096 @missmannequin @jellydodger @mirastark @wyvernthekriger @duckyhowls @monada43 @lauriidoesstuff @vienettacream @ray-rook @itswhatever06 @ilovenielperry

[thatscarletflycatcher]

Tumblr isn't letting me find again @fictionadventurer's and my own posts on epistolary novels, but I have been thinking about it again, because I fell down a Goodreads review rabbit hall and I have thoughts again.

So many people dislike the style, and honestly, I don't blame them, because it's so often done... not well. It is in some aspects, a deceptively easy one, and in others, deceptively hard. And because I'm trying to write a novel with this format myself, I have been thinking about what makes or breaks an epistolary novel.

I talked yesterday about TGLPPS, because it is an interesting case to analyze. I have thought many times about it, and cannot think of a single non-merely-aesthetic reason for it to be told in an epistolary style. A lot of it depends on -British- people who have survived some terrible war conditions willingly opening up to a stranger about their experiences, and that's made... even more difficult if the medium is letters? typically writers will appeal to tropes like making the reserved character drunk, or have them share an extreme experience in isolation with the stranger to create sudden intimacy. None of this is possible in writing; if anything, one is much more self-conscious about the things one writes than the things one says; verba volant, scripta manent.

It seems to me the story would have flowed much more naturally if Juliet had been stranded on Guernsey for some reason -like the first author herself!- suddenly Dawsey commenting that he got a book from her library makes so much more sense! Yes, certainly, if you met a stranger out there, and they introduce themselves and you realize you have a book that once belonged to them, you would tell them so! And it is in this way that the epistolary format does violence to a story that would otherwise sound much less contrived.

Another problem is the large cast of characters and multiple settings. For all I complain about Dracula, Stoker manages this pretty well (of course he has the model of The Woman in White, but TWiW has fewer povs), at least on the first half, because structurally the storylines of the characters are converging, and that does a lot to guide the reader in the understanding of the character's relationships. TGLPPS's relationship structure is more of a multidirectional flow chart, and that becomes confusing really fast.

Another novel I read reviews for recently is one set in WWI, composed of back and forth letters between two lovers torn apart by war, and one common complaint was... that the climactic scenes, the times they meet, etc all happen... off-camera. It is a fair complaint, but also one I cannot really blame the author for, because that's what usually happens with real life compilations of letters of that kind. Sure, usually the editor/compiler will fill in the blanks sometimes and add an epilogue of sorts explaining what happened afterwards, and that is possible if you are writing it fictionally too, but some may think it spoils the effect of immediacy and whatnot, which, fair too.

But it makes me think of how aware Jean Webster was of these difficulties, and how deftly she managed them in both Daddy Long-Legs and Dear Enemy. Both novels have aged badly in terms of content and message, but they are very interesting stylistically.

DLL is a bildungsroman with a dash of romance; through Judy's letters to daddy long-legs we can see how she grows as a person, gaining independence intellectually and economically, and as a writer, as her grammar and vocabulary change and grow. Between making Judy an orphan who hates the orphanage where she has lived her whole life, and one where she lived past the usual age of being thrown into the world, Webster does away with the need for letters between Judy and her friends and family: all her friends and family are her college roommates and her benefactor, who is the person she writes to. The benefactor scheme also makes it so that she doesn't have to write dll's replies, which in turns makes it much more natural and acceptable for the reader when Judy writes him the ending's love letter describing the feelings and impressions of their finally meeting in person and in truth; Judy has become a writer, and she is so used to write to him as another person all the time, that it just makes sense for her to write to him one more letter at the point where her benefactor and her lover become one and the same person. She has written a novel where the core is the correspondence between lovers AND managed to include as well all the moments of their meetings that we would otherwise miss.

Dear Enemy is a similar, but longer and more ambitious story. Instead of one relationship-connection (Judy and Daddy's), we have Sallie as a nod of connections: she's Judy's friend, Jarvis' "employee", the boss of several characters, has a tense colleague-boss relationship with the visiting doctor, a boyfriend of sorts in Washington, and a family we have met before. It is, in that way, a similar setup to TGLPPS: a urban girl of means becomes a fish out of water in a different setting till she ends up assimilating to it, and settling definitely through marriage. But Webster does a few things differently to make it click.

For starters, it is clear to her that this is the story of Sallie's maturation -I have sometimes talked of Dear Enemy as a novel where a Mary Crawford-like character undergoes a transformation arc. The happenings and stories she meets and tells Judy about along the way serve this arc, besides standing on their own as case studies to illustrate the problems, ideology and solutions proposed to the secondary themes of the story (education and social reform). I feel like TGLPPS is much more interested in Guernsey's survival through the war, in which case Juliet's story is already a frame, which, again, makes the epistolary format cumbersome rather than complementary.

Dear Enemy adds more correspondents, but it is very austere/economical with them, and narrows the letters we see to only those Sallie sends. YMMV regarding if it was too much cutting or not, but the undeniable effect is structural soundness; you are never confused by what is happening or who is writing to whom. We can guess the Honorable Cyrus Wykoff probably wrote some indignant letters to Jervis, and those would be funny to read, but... would they be worth the break in the flow of the narrative? I don't think so. To this effect, just having Sallie write a line to the effect of "I expect at this point you have at hand an irate letter from the Hon. Cyrus" is enough to paint a picture for the reader. Perhaps a letter or two from Dr. MacRae would have helped develop his character more -definitely a first read of the story obscures how much misdirection there is in Sallie's narration to Judy, which in turns tends to create an impression of suddenness to the closing letter that doesn't come across well to the reader.

The choice of Sallie mainly writing to Judy is, IMO, a really good one too. It not only establishes a connection with DLL, but it also allows for the intimacy that makes disclosure believable (something TGLPPS struggles with, as I mentioned above). When you add a few letters to the doctor and Gordon and Jervis, you also get a better perspective of Sallie's personality, how she deals not only with a friend, but with acquaintances, romantic partners and coworkers.

From all this it is pretty evident that for Webster the main function of epistolarity as format is aiding in showing psychological and moral development. But that's not the only thing the format can be really good for: perspective is another, and Austen uses it to great effect in both Lady Susan and Lesley Castle.

Both stories deal with mainly static characters, but who have very strong perspectives of the same situation, and it is this singularity of setting and story that anchors the narrative to avoid confusion, while the variety of perspective brings interest. In Lady Susan, we are dealing mainly with the marrying off of Frederica and seduction of Mrs. Vernon's brother, Reginald. There where Lady Susan paints Frederica as an undisciplined, irrational and ungrateful daughter, her sister in law, Mrs. Vernon, paints her as a sweet girl and a victim of her mother's ruthlessness and lack of love. Both agree that Reginald is being seduced, but, of course, with opposite goals: Lady Susan wants him to succumb, Mrs. Vernon, to escape, and this is a delicious struggle for the reader to follow!*

Lesley Castle being an earlier effort, and unfinished, does show some of the defects I have mentioned before (mainly, the relative confusion of having several correspondents in separate storylines), but illustrates well this same perspective effect: Margaret writes to Charlotte about the new Lady Lesley, and the new Lady Lesley writes to Charlotte about about Margaret and her sister... and in these contrasts lies the main interest of the narrative.

Some conclusions to these musings, then:

Not every story is suited to the epistolary format.

The epistolary format seems to work the best when it is used for either A) showcase psychological and moral development B) to play with perspective on people and/or events.

One of the main difficulties of the format is finding a narrative element to anchor and structure the letters around.

It must have a core couple of correspondents, or at most, two. More than that will make it confusing (unless, perhaps, the story is very short and about a single event or two).

A delicate balance must be found so that the secondary correspondence doesn't cut the flow of the main one, and if possible it must feed into it.

*It is interesting how Love and Friendship, being such a delightful -and I sustain one of the best ever- Austen adaptation, is by force of the perspective switch towards a more impersonal third person, more about a love story between Frederica and Reginald than a struggle between Lady Susan and Mrs. Vernon. Which isn't dissimilar to how adaptations of DLL end up being more about the romance between the leads than Judy's coming of age in college; tropes aside, I feel like if the epistolary format is well embedded in the story, it's going to be nearly impossible to reproduce the effect in adaptation.

[castlebyersafterdark]

do you think mike and will have thought about specific sex positions during their sexual awakening journeys? Like has Mike thought specifically, “I want to tap that” when looking at Will’s 🍑, or maybe also, “Please fuck me” if you believe he’s versatile? Has Will thought specifically about Mike topping him? Are they just a mix of chaotic random horny thoughts? Or are they both way too repressed and sheltered to mediate on specific positions?

Pre-relationship is the angle we're going for, and you bet! There’s repression, but the inevitable freight train of teenage hormones, trying to deny what you want and who you are, the fantasies you can’t ignore, falling in love, falling into confusion. A lot of tension, wet dreams and impulsive thoughts at inopportune moments. What started as vague feelings and stirrings of attraction develop into more specific fantasies. The more they repress and try to ignore, the more the feelings are gonna flare and develop. Chaos is key.

(This is very basic/surface level and something I typed out in a flash over a lunch break recently and just now edited for spelling. Maybe at some point I’ll try my hand at a longer, real fic that’s a character study about how I really view the development of their attraction to one another and refining their sexuality discovery and all of that. I actually think they’d both be a bit different than I’ve jotted down here - for example, so much less self-awareness on Mike’s part haha - but this was just an initial stream of conscious drabble, just as a fun writing exercise 😁😘)

Mike: 

His eyes keep falling to Will's legs. Those shorts. The summer has been a nightmare. Monsters. Death. Break-ups and make-ups and make-outs and break-ups again. And who knows where he stands with El. She stays inside a lot. And they’re leaving soon. Whenever the house sells. He’s been hanging out with Will a lot more, trying to fix their shaky friendship. Everything feels wrong. He feels the most wrong of all. Just one giant error. He feels inside out. Incorrect. You’re supposed to be happy in the summer. Now, it’s confusing and sad and he feels… exposed. 

Like those legs. Mike felt like a newborn giraffe and hated the way he could see the knobs of his knees and the willowy tendons of his calves. Well, hate was a strong word. He just wished he looked more like Will. He saw other guys, and looked at them a lot, too. Couldn’t help the constant comparison and calculations and admiration jealousy. Will looked good. Why couldn’t he look like him? Nice, thick thighs. Actual meat on his bones. His shorts filled out, didn’t house pathetic pencils. Why can’t he stop staring? They’re all growing up and changing. It’s weird. The guys at school were already getting taller, and everyone’s gaining muscle and hair and it’s too much, all the sudden, all at once. They’re going to high school and, shit. Those guys are all gonna be even worse better. And Mike feels so scrawny. And other things. It’s just jealousy, he’s fine. He’s jealous of Lucas’s muscles and Jonathan’s shoulders and Will’s ass. No. That’s not - he wasn’t looking. He’s just jealous. He’s an error. Will looks so different than when they were kids, but he’s still small. Not everywhere. Why can’t he stop looking? 

They’d gone to the pool and he’d laughed along with Dustin and Lucas as they ogled some of their classmates, ranking which girls filled out their swimsuits the best. It’s crude, but they were surrounded by sun and skin. He met eyes with Will and they smiled awkwardly at one another. Brian from their class has abs now and Mike watched him as he cannonballed into the pool. He hopes he does it again, golden in the sun as he poised to jump off the diving board. Mike’s just jealous. He doesn’t have abs. Will doesn’t either, but his skin looks nice. Tan and toned and with this tapered little waist that would be the perfect size to fit your hands around and - Mike needs to get out of the pool. Actually. Stay where you are. Getting out is the last thing he should do. Why is this happening to him right then, right there? Will gets out of the pool and Mike watches the way his already tiny swim shorts cling to that hypnotizing ass that Mike can’t stop staring at. Why does he look so good? How do guys even - no. No. Why is he thinking about that? 

They're in the back of the car, three to the row and a tangle of growing limbs. Will's pressed against the door and practically half in his lap and Mike prays nothing happens, so many unfortunate moments have happened lately where he needs to excuse himself, stay in the water until it goes away, cross his legs. Can't do that pressed together in the back of the car and he tries not to think about pulling his best friend over into his lap. Sure! Great idea! That'll hide his really unfortunately insistent and inappropriate boner, shove it into his best friend's - oh boy, Mike. You are thinking so many things. He's got to get out of that car. 

It's easier at night. No one to judge him or catch him except for his guilty conscience. Hopes no one is using that shitty mind-spying trick because he cannot stop his brain, and it's killing him. It's a repetitive loop of Will in his lap. Will climbing the ladder, walking ahead as they suffer in the heat as they trek up to Weathertop. Will laughing and absently swaying his hips as he leans against the Wheeler's kitchen island. How do guys do it? There's really only one way, isn't there? He's heard it referenced in vague terms on the news, from crude jokes from other boys at school. What would that feel like? Not that he has practical knowledge, but how different is it to doing it with a girl? He slides a hand past the waistband of his briefs and tries to think of his girlfriend or whatever she is at the moment. They talk here and there. Make-out sessions on pause. She’s in mourning. He’s in turmoil. He’s fine. He’s normal. He’s an error. This is fixable. He thinks of the girls at the pool. Neon bikinis. Curvy tanned skin, so much skin. Lip gloss and soft kisses. What’s he even supposed to do with boobs, anyway? They definitely don’t tell you, other than, hey, man! Look at her boobs! He looks. Sex seems complicated. Must be even more complicated for guys but maybe it's actually- NO. Nope. He gets off but it’s unsatisfying. What waits for him in dreams he refuses to acknowledge in the light of day. 

It must be amazing, though, if gay guys were all doing it and risking threat of dying for it. Not that Mike's gay. Nope! Will leaves (and El, his girlfriend? Is she still his girlfriend? They kissed. He thinks she loves him. He doesn’t know what to think anymore. He didn’t say it back. Feels like the biggest, glaring error of all time) and Mike spends all his time alone in the basement. With his stupid traitorous brain and an empty space on the couch. No girlfriend. No best friend. He wishes Will was there. Will in his lap. Will on his knees on the basement floor smiling up at him. His mouth was just as nice to look at as his ass. Stop. No. She's too far away to spy. Is she? How far can she reach? Fuck it. His hand's around himself and it's Will's mouth, it's Will in his lap, kissing him, perfect legs heavy around him. Hot inside. Would he feel like that? Would he feel tighter than Mike's own fist? Will in his bed, in his lap again, wanting it much as Mike because he's just as messed up in the head, no. No he's not. That's all Mike. Will in the kitchen. No one's home. He's swaying those hips again and Mike pulls down those fucking shorts and bends him over the counter, chest to the laminate. He doesn't even know what he's doing but in his dreams they both want it.

Mike shifts to his side on his basement couch, then falls into it, lost to the fantasy. Pillow under his hips, face smashed into to the other one. It's nothing like another body but everyone's so far away, Mike's so alone. Will on his back, making those little squeaking sounds he makes when he laughs too hard. Too hard. Like how Mike was when Will laughed like that over the summer. His breathy little sounds he makes when he's out of breath when they walk too far in the hot sun. It's not too difficult to imagine what he'd sound like under Mike, even if Mike wishes it wasn't so vivid. Legs around Mike's waist as he takes it, however that works. Doesn't matter, Will's not there El's not in his head, he'll feel guilty later. Will would feel so good, does feel so good. Something’s seriously wrong with him. 

How is he supposed to talk on the phone with him at the end of the week? They have a call planned Friday. He's so fucked. 

Will:

He's having that dream again. He never knows it's a dream until he wake up, angry and frustrated and ashsmed about how hung up he is over someone who'll never want him. Shouldn't. Couldn't. It's all fine. This isn't new. They haven't spoken on the phone in almost a month but Will dreams about him most nights. What does he look like now? How tall has he gotten? Their last phone call Mike was complaining about his parents nagging him to cut his hair. Was that forced yet? How long is it? Will's sure it's beautiful. He's sketched his mental image of current Mike over and over in his sketchbook. He rips out and burns half of them. Those aren't appropriate. But he's gotten so good at drawing people. Realistically. Men. Mike. He dreams. 

Mike's visiting him. No one else is around. They're lying on Will's bed, just kissing. He's never kissed anyone real before, but he's kissed his hand. Fist loose, thumb tucked under his fingers. Looks like something else, too, and he practiced kissing that as well. The thought makes him flush hot at same time as cold dread washes over him but he does it anyway. He's a dirty little freak, might as well commit. In his dreams they do that, too. And Mike likes it. Does it back to him, too. Dream Mike always returns the favor, no matter what. Will’s traced his own finger there, pushed inside sometimes with the secret tub of vaseline he's hidden in an old shoebox under his bed. If he does it softly, he pretends it's a tongue, someone else's mouth. Doesn't even know why he's fixated on this, why his terrible mind conjured the idea one night during a dream that woke him with another pair of ruined briefs. But it's not as scary as the other way. All of it. All of Mike. How he knows that he wants it. He's having that dream again. He knows what he is. 

Lost in dreamland, hazy and perfect and terrifying dreamland - Mike is visiting and Will has somehow gotten him into his bed. They're kissing. In dreams no one removes their clothes, they simply disappear. Will want to undress Mike, unwrap his beautiful body like a present, but in his dream they're kissing in his bed and their clothing has disappeared. And Mike wants him, Mike flips them so that Will's under him, completely covered. Legs around his waist, Mike sliding inside. How does that really feel? He's only managed two fingers so far and he just knows it's not enough to pretend that it's Mike. He's scoured the house for something, anything, that might be better than his own fingers and he's got a few fucked up ideas to try now that he's invested in this, too far down this path to pretend otherwise. He's a sick freak, right? And he'd tried not to look at Mike too often. But sometimes, you can tell. He could tell. Dream Mike thrusts inside and Dream Will lets him do it over and over. Everything's beautiful and no one dies. 

Sometimes they're in Mike’s basement. He misses the familiar scent. A sweatshirt of Mike's had gotten mixed in Will's clothes and it smelled like Mike through most of the fall. By December it had smelled like nothing, but he still held it to his face sometimes when he wrapped a hand around himself and pretended. Dream Mike's big hands are on Dream Will's hips now. He thinks about other things, too. Will imagines himself sliding to the floor and using his mouth on him - a lot. Mike tells him such sweet things when he's on his knees. When he's awake he sticks his fingers in his own mouth and also pretends Mike is saying nice things to him in that sweet voice he misses so pathetically much. Telling him how much he likes what Will wants to do for him, what he wants Mike to do to him. When he's finished, Mike says every fear he's ever felt. He's not so sweet, then. Mike wouldn't. He might, if he knew. Will wouldn't blame him. 

He knows some things. Ideas that have been put into his head after he stole that magazine and that book from that shop he found while wandering his new town. He steals things now, just for a kick. Innocent and sweet Will Byers. What's a little petty theft when you've already been to hell and will probably get sent back there? He's not a good person. What would his friends think? He can get away with it, in Lenora. Invisible. No one's watching his every move, whispering under their breath about his family and using one of those names about him, devastatingly accurate. He keeps the stolen items with the rest of his incriminating little hoard. If anyone finds the shoebox, at least it'll all be over for him at once. Fuck it. He flips the glossy pages and the images find him again at night. 

Mike in his dreams looks nothing like the men in the magazines, but the gaps are filled in with their inspiration. A few closely guarded stolen glances while changing out of wet swim trunks at the lake or during that one really awkward sleepover when Mike and Lucas compared - no. He shouldn't have looked. He knew he did. Freak. The men in the magazines almost look ridiculous. But he loves it. Why does it excite him, seeing that? Why is he like this? Dream Mike lays in Will's bed and lets him look all he wants and sometimes that's all he does. Wakes up with the image burned behind his eyelids no matter how hard he blinked, and tears clear nothing. He sketches Mike lounging there, with his magical disappearing clothes without anything. It's a good sketch. He doesn't burn it. Into the shoebox. It's worse than the magazines. 

More often or not when he comes, it's with Mike's name in his mouth and a heavy sob. He turns over into his pillow and cries himself back to sleep and hopes for empty dreams. For once. Give him a break from the taunting of harsh, terrifying truths and impossible realities. Helplessly devoted. Help help help. 

[misscammiedawn]

Recently I've been introducing my girlfriend to Mr. Robot and last night, while watching season 2, I noticed something that made me love the show even more than I already did.

The subtle but intentional little bits of character development and motivation peppered into the show for sharp eyed viewers.

See, in season 2 we are introduced to Dominique "Dom" DiPierro, an insomniac/workaholic FBI agent who is part of the team investigating the 5/9 hack where our protagonists hackivist group managed to encrypt all of the credit and debt data for a banking system that covers 70% of the population.

I am also quite in love with her for obvious reasons (see my redhead best head tag)

During this episode she has traveled with her team to Beijing to investigate the Chinese arm of the hacking. The investigation is aided by Chinese Security Minister Zhang. Unbeknownst to the FBI, Zhang is a public face for the series villain Whiterose, a transgender woman who runs The Dark Army, a militant hacking group whose influence is felt throughout the show.

During a party Dom disappears from the party to "look for a restroom" and finds a room of clocks, an indicator/reminder to any audience member who is not aware yet that Zhang is Whiterose. After a brief discussion Zhang invites Dom to a bedroom and shows off a closet full of beautiful outfits.

She even invites Dom into her philosophy on time travel and parallel universes which becomes a major factor in understanding her motivations throughout the show.

(Incidentally this scene is lit in golden hues, a sign for the show to indicate safety and trust. Both characters are in frame for the majority of the shots. This show famously tries to isolate characters in frame during conversations to show barriers and disconnect)

Whiterose says these are her sister's outfits and by the end of the episode Dom is informed that Whiterose does not have a sister.

In a later season she even says outloud "she was showing me who she was".

I wondered why the mastermind of the plot was willing to trust Dom so quickly and with no apparent gain and allow her to survive the attack on the FBI that would happen the next day. It wasn't because of her value as an asset as The Dark Army do not attempt to recruit Dom until season 3.

Then I watched the episode again yesterday and understood why.

First let's talk about Whiterose.

Whiterose is a transgender woman who lives in China, a place where she is unable to live openly as her authentic self. She is positioned both masked in the light of day (as Security Minister Zhang) and authentically in the darkness of her secret life (as head of The Dark Army, Whiterose) as having inordinate amounts of power. By this point of the show we have seen that the CEO of E(vil) Corp, Price, capitulates to her. Price is seen as the literal devil at this point of the show and has outright referred to himself as "Master of the Universe". Yet he is not above Zhang.

With all of her power she is unable to change the circumstances of injustice that she lives in and at this point of the show that is all we need to know about her. There is more but it is not for us to know at present.

Whiterose and Eliott are both trying to change the world that caused them so much pain. Whiterose wishes to forcibly alter the world. She believes that there is no method of changing the world as it is because at some point it went wrong and the only way to "fix" it is to literally jump into an alternate version of our world where circumstances were better. She is jaded to the point of which she believes there is no future, only a better version of the past. She fights to change the past.

Eliott, in spite of everything, wants to fight for a better future. He believes that he can give people the choice to live better lives if the ruling classes allowed for such change to happen.

This is a show about healing, after all. One wounded victim cannot accept a world of hurt and injustice and wants to go back and change things. One wounded victim cannot accept a world of hurt and injustice and wants to force the world to change for a better future.

It's a good show.

So why does Whiterose let Dom see her true self?

Dom is a lesbian and the show takes place in 2015. This episode takes place on June 26th 2015.

We do not know Dom's sexuality at this point of the show but we are later given the tools to unlock the secrets of this episode and conversation and to understand how Whiterose "clocked" her.

Earlier in the episode one of the characters, Angela, meets with a season 1 character in a bar. We see this playing on the television:

It's not the focus of the shot, but seeing the footage of the LOVE WINS balloons bouncing up and down will catch the eye. As will the rainbow colored whitehouse. It is on screen for about 8-12 seconds. SAME SEX MARRIAGE LEGAL even on the ticker.

DIRECTLY after this scene is the sequence of Dom and Whiterose meeting.

During this conversation Whiterose insists on knowing why Dom is an FBI agent and after obfuscating she tells her story:

"Final semester of law school, dating who I thought was the one. At dinner, days before graduation, they got down on one knee to propose, and (this is going to make me sound wacky) but I excused myself to the restroom and left out the back and that was that."

Notice the lack of gendered pronouns?

Darlene sure does in season 3 when she teaches the audience how a character in this show can hear that sentence and know what they are doing.

See these characters all know about masking and how it's done and so they catch those little tells. Darlene understood Dom's sexuality from just "On again, off again with someone but they're not really the one or anything like that."

Whiterose likely did digging on Dom before the meeting but both that conversation and the later reveal of how we, the audience, should decode her speech allows us to know Whiterose saw that Dom was in a relationship in law school that ended with her partner offering to marry her and that was the end of the relationship.

Whiterose knows what it is like to not be able to live as your authentic self (the reminder that the legalization of gay marriage JUST happened. Literally the day this conversation is happening) and saw an ally in Dom. Saw someone who understands what she feels and what she is fighting for. Whiterose consistently through the show is patient (a trait very unlike her) and kind with people she feels an empathetic bond with.

This understanding causes her to invite Dom to see "her sister's" outfits, knowing that the lie would not hold up very long. She just wanted someone who could see her for who she truly was to see her.

This show is about healing. It is about connection. It's about trying to be understood.

...and it legitimately is one of the best television shows that has ever aired.

I love it more than I can possibly put into words.

[ourloveisforthelovely]

The Words "Best Friends" Become Redefined Part 6

Regulus Black AU

Summary: You had been Regulus’ friend since childhood and now his mistress. The war had changed many things, Regulus among them. Now its time to decide if you should put your self-worth over missing someone who was gone.  

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader

Rating: M- smut

Link to Part 5

Song in chapter: Narcissistic Cannibal by Korn

_____

Over the following few weeks, Regulus kept up his promise. He was trying harder to gain your approval and affection than anyone else in the world ever had. You were waking up to flowers on your bedside table, cutesy little notes, and requests for dates. As long as you had known Regulus, you had never seen him work this hard for a woman.

And I can’t be more flattered

You thought with a smile after waking up to the newest bouquet of flowers on your table.

If only I could make myself fully trust him.

The second thought was enough to make the dark thoughts return…as they typically did. Even though Regulus was working hard to gain your affection, parts of you still worried that once you fully trusted him he would go cold again. You weren’t sure if your heart could honestly take another letdown from the man you loved so much.

Love is a funny word.

Love truly felt funny for you to say. You had always been aware of its existence and had always been exposed to it. Remus loved Sirius. James loved Lily. Your parents truly loved each other but for some reason, love didn’t seem to like you. While you understood that Regulus did what he did for a reason (at least, that is what he told you) you still felt nervous to accept what Regulus was offering to you now.

What if you said yes and he changed his mind? What if he went dark again? Would you be able to handle the thought of him in those death eater robes again? What if he went back to his family and the dark side and was killed? You wouldn’t be able to handle it. You would need to die right along with him.

I’ll have to decide something soon. The poor man is really going out of his way.

You got out of bed to get ready for the day’s activities, a trip to Azkaban. You didn’t want to go back but orders from Moody said you were.

“Might as well get this over with.”

(later that day)

Regulus sat at the table brooding over a cup of coffee when Sirius plopped down in front of him.

“Good day, star shine.”

Regulus looked up at his brother before flipping him off. Sirius made a fake offended expression before putting a hand on his heart.

“How rude! What the fuck is wrong with you? Did Y/n not fluff your pillows last night?”

Regulus groaned. He would love for you to “fluff his pillows.” It had been so long since he was able to touch you and it was driving him nuts. While he was trying to respect your decision to move slowly (or that was the way that he was taking it) he was going nutty. Now here Sirius sat trying to be funny but no one was laughing….

“Yeah right.”

Regulus grumbled. Sirius leaned back in his seat. He wasn’t a fool. Sirius knew exactly what you were doing and what Regulus was being put through.

“Look Reg, you can’t blame her. Y/n has been through a lot. She’s loved you for a long time.”

Regulus groaned again.

“I’m aware, Sirius.”

Sirius was quiet for a moment. He watched his younger brother carefully. Sirius knew Regulus was trying. Regulus was trying harder than he had ever tried at anything in his life.

Sirius had a lot of things that he wanted to say to Regulus. He wanted to threaten him to not break your heart again. Sirius couldn’t sit back and watch that happen over and over. He also wanted to tell Regulus how proud of him he was. It was the total flipside of the coin.

Regulus, in all of his years, didn’t seem as self-absorbed as he once did. For once, Regulus was trying to put someone else first. Sirius could also see that Regulus, in fact, had feelings. Regulus wasn’t the stuck-up House of Black heir…and Sirius couldn’t be more proud of him.

“You really love her don’t you?”

Regulus nodded.

“More than anything. I know you don’t believe me but I did everything that I did for a reason. As I told Y/n, I knew that she would have followed me anywhere. I did not want to see her dead or in prison for supporting me. If she had been killed, my life would be over. Y/n is my reason for existing. Without her, I would walk out in front of a muggle bus.”

Sirius sat quietly for a moment.

“First off, no walking out in front of muggle buses. I can not process that one. I know Y/n is giving you a heck of a time but keep trying. She’s like Remus. You have to keep working through those layers. I know Y/n very well and she loves you. Maybe you should make a move?”

“Yeah and get my head kicked in…I’m feeling a lot of love…”

The conversation was interrupted by the sound of loud music coming from the living room. Sirius glanced over his shoulder before smirking.

“Your wife is home…and judging by what’s coming from the living room it sounds like she’s had a bad day. You should go check on her…”

Regulus quickly stood up before going into the living room where you lay, rather dramatically, with one arm over your eyes.

Sometimes I hate the life I made Everything's wrong every time Pushing on, I can't escape Everything that comes my way Is haunting me, taking its sweet time Holding on, I'm lost in a haze Fighting life to the end of my days

Regulus blinked a few times before walking over to the stereo and shutting it off. You lowered your arm slowly and gave him a little frown.

“Why did you turn my music off?”

Regulus moved to sit down beside you on the couch as you put your arm once again over your face.

“I take it you had a bad day?”

You whined.

“Something like that. I had to go to Azkaban and that place just sucks the joy right out of you.”

Regulus tilted his head to the side before tentatively reaching out and taking your free hand in his. He gently stroked his thumb over the palm of your hand rubbing soothing circles.

“Did you use your patronus?”

You nodded.

“I’m still exhausted though. Random fun fact, my patronus is still your animagus form.”

Regulus slightly smiled as you lowered your am taking in his reaction.

“I’m sure if I could make one again mine would still be yours too.”

You moved your eyes to look at the ceiling.

“Reg, I can’t keep doing it.”

“Doing what?”

Regulus questioned, his voice darkening. You turned to look at him again taking in his appearance. The man in front of you was Regulus, your Regulus. It felt as if you were sitting here with your best friend… like nothing had changed. You truly missed this feeling.

“This…trying to keep up some tough front with you. I’ve missed you so much. Now we are in this house together all the time. You are going to new heights to prove yourself. I love you, Regulus but I’m scared to get hurt again. I need to rant so work with me here. I’m scared that I’m going to open my heart and you will leave to go back to them. I’m scared that I am going to see you in those death eater robes again…or in the morgue. I don’t want to have to see you be put into some fancy coffin knowing that I will never see you again…”

You were relieved to see Regulus’ mouth drop. He quickly moved to sit on his knees to stroke his fingers down your cheek.

“Y/n, love, I promise I will not be going back to that side. I saw the error in my old ways of thinking. I am not going anywhere. Does it make you feel better knowing that I feel the same way every time you leave this house for work? Love, you are a bit of a crazy girl. Sometimes your antics are rather…wild. I know you have a hard time trusting me and I don’t blame you but I’m here…with you now.”

You moved to sit up and slide your way down onto Regulus’ lap. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you tentatively pressed your forehead to his. You wanted to preserve the moment of closeness as long as you could. Regulus snuggled his face right back wanting the same thing.

“I want you to be the good guy.”

Regulus placed a hand on the side of your face.

“I’m being the good guy now.”

Sirius’ suggestion of “maybe you need to make a move” popped back into Regulus’ mind. He took a breath before leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. To Regulus’ surprise, you didn’t push him away or panic, instead you kissed him back. Every moment of the kiss was exactly what Regulus needed.

“I want you, Reggie.”

You moaned against his mouth. Regulus sighed.

“I don’t want you to regret it and ruin all of this progress we’ve made.”

You chuckled, softly while twirling your fingers in Regulus’ curls.

“I’ve really put you through hell haven’t I, darling?”

Regulus shrugged.

“I mean…I have been jacking off in the shower more than I ever did as a teenager. That and I have been fawning over you pathetically…ask my brother.”

You gave Regulus another small kiss before glancing over his shoulder. The last thing that you wanted was for Remus to see Regulus toting you up to your room. Sure, Remus had an idea that you were going to get back with Regulus eventually. That, however, didn’t mean that he needed to see it.

“Why don’t we go upstairs and fix that?”

You suggested. Regulus waited all of three seconds before picking you up and going upstairs.

_____

@geeksareunique @jessyballet @knreidy1 @justfinishthis @fific7 @siriuslyceleste @criminalyetminimal @mimisparkle12 @teletubiswszpilkach @dumbbunnys-safes @spideyxalmighty @lucasfilms77 @rubyroscoe1 @readtomeregulus @regulusblackswhorecrux @i-love-scott-mccall @s-we-e-t-t-ea @taylor-will-be-the-death-of-me @iluvthe-marauders @woohoney @abaker74 @regulus-black-223048 @saramaple @missgorldafirst @millies0bsimp @dumybitch @stelleduarte @gugggu6gvai @jag9000 @bennyberry @panpride @f4iryluvy @haroldpotterson @ravenhood2792 @playmore-zeppelin @mentally-unstable-hoe @goldensunshineshit @padf00ts-l0ver @authoressskr @emiwrites3reads @knight-of-gleefulness @summer-novak @shaylybaby2032 @rogue-nyx88 @shaylybaby2032 @coffeeaddictednymph @livshifts @ell0ra-br3kk3r @ad-astra-again

[reashot]

Spoiler for my next RWBY fanfic project:

(We all know it's going to be Jaune so don't ask who's it supposed to be.)

Sorry if it seems long because I have to do some little world building (I lied. I have to create RWBY from scratch because the lore are non-sensical & made no sense.) Because I want to provide my reader better quality story telling.

Some changes I made is as follows:

- Grimm are stronger now. The heroes will have to work harder to even beat a beowulf. With a few special one able to gain self awareness and have some "slight" reality altering power. Think the witches from Madoka magica franchise.

- Of course with the Grimm getting stronger. So does the Huntsman. With someone like Qrow or pretty much any Huntsman older than the main cast no longer be a pushover.

- Rank System for the Huntsman.

- More (named) students at Beacon.

- Huntsman are treated like a Rock stars.

- There will not just be four relics but hundreds of them. Each with varying degrees of power. And most are monopolized by the state.

- Don't know what to do with the maidens though. Any suggestions?

- Grimm no longer feed on negative human emotion. Biggest reason for the removal is that it contradict the Faunus Racism subplot. And I don't know about you but I think racism is one heck of a negative emotion. (They still want people dead though)

- Faunus Racism subplot will be handled much better.

- Salem still can't be killed but she can be sealed. With her needing to be sealed every few decades or so.

- Grimm will appear less frequently and only starts appearing more and more when the seal around Salem starts to weaken.

- There will be a cult dedicated to bring back Salem and serves as the primary antagonist.

- Of course everybody favorite part of prequel trilogy. Politics. But it mostly be in the background until it isn't & the heroes are then forced to make a choice.

- There are other group beside the Huntsman fighting Grimms and they hate their guts.

- The event of Ice Queendom is mostly canon and even part of the Grimm Eclipse. Because I needed something to pad out the world building.

& there's more but I would like to keep some a secret for now.

And yes many character's story will be expanded or in a few case rewritten. Adam especially will be rewritten to better reflect the freedom fighter he supposed to represent. He's angry at the world but not an a-hole.

And that's about it I'm already halfway in and I will post the 5k fanfic soon as a form of early preview.

[deathdestructiondoom]

Oh what's this? I ACTUALLY POSTED ON MY G/T BLOG HOLY SHI-

Anyways guess whaaat, i have a new au.

CATCH THE TIME AU

An Isekai AU where Akito, Saki, Shizuku, Nene and Mizuki were sent to save the Creatio World from being stuck in it's years long Time Loop, however only Akito seemed to remember each Loop and something weird is happening to him. What shall happen to our favorites lesbians and pathetic bisexual ginger? Let's find out.

This is where I'm gonna go unprofessional (I lied) (Ft Pokemon references)

Also yes there are doodles.

Akito : Poor guy is not having a good time. Hes going insane, not mentally okay. His friends keep dying in each loops and he has barely anyone to talk with. And he has the burden of the world's fate on him as the Timecatcher, the only one in this world who can beat the Time God's stinky narcissistic ass. Oh and something went wrong and now after each loops he keeps growing and he gotta do this quick until his height become a major inconvenience. But that doesn't mean he's doing this alone, he got teammates, most he's barely familiar with but teammates nonetheless. They helped him through his lowest, he helped them at their lowest and they helped remind him that it’s okay to ask for help, something he forgot during the midst of each time loops. The constant loops may have changed him, for better or worse, mentally and even physically but what not has changed is his love for his teammates and how he would do anything to not let them die. Oh and he has a cool sword. He also pukes sand. He also may or may not become a demigod.

Saki : Barbaracore Pookie bear. Shes the team's healer and keeps them alive with her magic healing book. If girlypop wanted to, she can become a full Physical Catalyst user by wacking the book to enemies. Either way she's a silly patootie in a silly magical world, she knows abt the loop but still gets her memory erased, yet will that stop her from smiling? No! She's still the bright and cheerful Saki Tenma and even through the worst times, she won't falter her smile. Also she still gets tired easily due to her health but she got some strong teammates who are willing to support her. She truly loves her new friends and teammates, and wants to support them fully!

Shizuku : The Mom Friend™. Her Leoncore sense of direction is still here and everyone has to keep her on a leash to prevent her from being lost and die. Yes she's a powerful witch but still needs supervision. She's also motherhenning the shit out of the younger ones, if she says you sleep then you fucking sleep, Akito i don't give a shit that you're supposed to save the world, if you don't get atleast eight hours of sleep i will kill you. She too is aware of the loop, memories still erased but is always taking care of her teammates, being the oldest in the group makes her feel responsible to care for the younger ones wellbeing, feeling closer to them, like how she feels with Shiho.

Nene : Siren aaah powers. She got the FANGIES AND THE SHORT HAIR. She has the ability to tell people to shut the fuck up with just her voice but shes too nervous for her liking to actually do it. She's also a Disney Princess, animals love her. In case she isn't using her siren inspired powers, she has a poison-infused dagger ready at hand. She also learns how to trust her teammates even if she's unfamiliar with most of them, and they helped her gain some confidence and she slowly gets more comfortable around them. Shes still mostly shy, being in a new world, but still determined to not let the time loops, that wiped her memories, stop her from supporting her teammates to save the world and cut the time loop. She is Zubat but human.

(Ignore the other lil guy ill talk abt em in another post)

Mizuki : Take Kirby, Tinkaton and Amy Rose and mash em into Mizuki and boom you got a pretty pink lil pookie with a big ass hammer ready to whack some monsters. They got LIPSTIIIIICK. Mizuki is still their teasing self in here and yes they do gush over the cute things in the Creatio World and yes they really love their outfit and hammer like FUCK YEAH THIS IS WHAT I WANNA LOOK LIKE IN A FANTASY SETTING, they are truly in love of how feminine they look (Demigirl Mizuki is canon, if you are transphobic or think they're still a guy pls kindly get off my blog and never touch it again). Mizuki is still observant on the mood of the gang and still helps their teammates, gaining eachothers trusts and starts to express themselves more freely. They are too aware of the loop despite not keeping their memories but will that stop them from supporting their teammates, friends to save the world? No! also they pull ligma and candace jokes on the creatio world's people.

(Side note : i love their lipstick)

I don't ship these 5 romantically (lied bc i was heavily considering a rlly close SakiNene qpr) but they are still family and love and care for eachother.

Pookiebears <333

Oh and did i mention their Creatio World selves are just their consciousness transferred into their current bodies and their actual bodies are in a coma.

PLEASE SEND ME ASKS ABT THIS AU MY INBOXES ARE VERY EMPTY AND I WANNA ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS.