#writer's job is to make the dialogue believable interesting and flowing

[thewriteadviceforwriters]

The Writer's Guide to Mastering Dialogue

You've heard it a thousand times—show, don't tell. One of the most effective ways to do this in your writing is through dialogue. Dialogue helps bring your story and characters to life, propels the action forward, and engages readers. But crafting realistic, compelling dialogue is an art form that takes practice. Don't worry, Rin's got you covered. In this guide, you'll discover techniques for writing dialogue that sparkles. You'll learn how to make conversations sound natural, differentiate character voices, convey subtext and emotion, and use dialog for exposition. By the end, you'll be writing dialogue with confidence and watching your characters come to life on the page. So grab a cup of coffee or mocha (my favorite), settle in, and let's chat about the art of conversation.

Why Dialogue Matters in Your Novel

Dialogue is one of the most powerful tools in a writer's arsenal. It brings your story to life and creates realistic characters that readers can connect with. If you want to master the art of fiction writing, you need to know how to write compelling dialogue.

Dialogue reveals character and moves the story forward. Through dialogue, readers get a sense of your characters' personalities, backgrounds, and motivations. It's a chance to show, not tell, what your characters are like. Dialogue also propels the action and builds suspense, as characters chat about the events unfolding in the story.

There are a few keys to crafting believable and engaging dialog:

•Make it sound natural. Listen to real conversations for inspiration. Dialogue should flow and feel spontaneous, not stiff or forced. Use contractions, interruptions, and imperfect speech.

•Give each character a unique voice. The way people speak depends a lot on their background, education level, profession, and personality. Capture the subtleties of different speaking styles to bring your characters to life.

•Use dialogue tags and actions. Adding "he said/she said" and descriptions of characters' actions and expressions during conversations helps readers keep track of who's talking and provides context. Use a variety of tags like asked, exclaimed, and murmured.

•Move the conversation along. Keep dialog concise and avoid unnecessary filler words. Get to the point so readers stay interested in what's being said. Dialogue should always move the story forward.

•Show tension and conflict. Interesting conversations often involve disagreement, sarcasm, arguing, or questioning. Create tension through dialogue to keep readers engaged.

With the right techniques, you can make dialogue a pivotal part of your story. So listen, observe, and practice the art of great conversation - your readers will thank you!

Developing Distinctive Character Voices Through Dialogue

To develop distinctive voices for your characters, focus on how they speak. Dialogue is one of the best ways to bring your characters to life and propel your story forward.

Pay attention to your characters’ backgrounds, experiences, education levels, and attitudes. All of these factors influence how people talk in real life, so apply that to your characters. Maybe your wise-cracking character uses a lot of humor and sarcasm, while your shy character speaks hesitantly in short sentences.

Listen for speech patterns, accents, and catchphrases in real conversations and note them for inspiration. Capture the rhythm and flow of natural dialogue.

Give each character their own vocabulary based on their interests, jobs, and lifestyles. The tech geek’s dialogue will differ from the history professor’s.

Establish characters’ voices from their first lines of dialog. Look for a memorable way for them to express themselves. The impatient character may frequently use phrases like “spit it out already!” while the pessimist’s go-to is “what could possibly go wrong?”

Use dialog to reveal aspects of characters’ personalities and backgrounds without telling readers directly. Show, don’t tell. For example, a character who says “please” and “thank you” in every sentence likely has a polite and courteous nature.

Read dialogue aloud to make sure it sounds natural. Get friends or family members to read different characters’ lines. If anything sounds off, rework it.

With practice, crafting distinct voices for your characters through dialog will become second nature. Your characters' voices, conveyed through the words they say and the way they say them, will make your story come alive for readers. So take the time to get to know your characters by how they speak. Their voices are worth developing.

Using Dialogue to Reveal Character

Reveal Character Through Dialogue

Dialog is one of the best ways to reveal details about your characters and show their personalities. Carefully crafted conversations can expose a character's background, values, education level, and more without telling the reader outright.

As your characters talk, think about what kinds of words and phrases they would use based on who they are. An older British gentleman will speak very differently than a teenage skateboarder from California. Listen to people with similar backgrounds and life experiences to your characters for inspiration.

Also consider:

The rhythm and cadence of their speech. Do they speak quickly or slowly? Formally or casually?

Their vocabulary. Does your character use complex words and jargon or simpler language?

Grammar and pronunciation. Does your character follow the rules or have their own way of speaking?

For example, here's a short exchange that shows the contrast between two characters:

Jenny (teenage skateboarder): "Hey, you gonna drop in on the half pipe today or just pose by the ramp again?"

Mr. Edwards (older British gentleman): "I'm afraid vert skating is a young man's game, my dear. I'm quite content to watch you whippersnappers from the sidelines."

Even from this brief conversation, you get a sense of each character's age, background, and attitude without the author explicitly telling you. Mastering the art of subtext in dialog will make your stories come alive and allow readers to discover the depth in your characters for themselves.

Driving the Plot Forward With Meaningful Dialogue

To keep your readers engaged, your dialog needs to propel the story forward. Meaningful exchanges between characters should reveal information, create conflict, and raise the stakes.

Share Relevant Details

Use dialogue as an opportunity to share important details about the characters, their relationships, backstories, and the world they inhabit. For example:

“Did you hear they’re raising tuition again next semester?” Jenny asked.

“Ugh, not again,” Mark groaned. “How are we supposed to afford another five percent?”

This exchange informs the reader that Jenny and Mark are college students struggling with the costs. Look for natural ways to slip in context through dialog without sounding forced.

Create Conflict

Interesting stories thrive on tension, disagreement, and clashing perspectives. Have your characters bicker, argue, and challenge each other. For example:

“You never listen to me!” Alice shouted. “You always have to be right.”

“I’m not trying to be right,” Brian retorted. “I’m trying to protect you, but you’re too stubborn to see that.”

The quarrel fuels the underlying conflict in their relationship and keeps readers wondering how they’ll resolve their differences.

Raise the Stakes

Use meaningful dialog at key moments to increase the urgency, suspense or importance of what’s happening in the story. For example:

“The test results came back—it’s not good news,” the doctor said grimly.

Not only does this distressing announcement raise the stakes for the character’s health issue but it also creates a cliffhanger, leaving the reader wondering about the diagnosis and anxiously awaiting more details.

Meaningful dialog is essential for crafting an engaging story. Use it to inform readers, create conflict between characters, raise the stakes, and propel the plot toward a climax. With practice, writing authentic dialog will become second nature.

Creating Tension and Conflict Through Dialogue

To keep readers engaged, effective dialog should create tension and conflict between characters. As in real life, the conversations in your story should have stakes and push characters outside their comfort zone.

Show underlying tensions

Have characters disagree and argue to reveal underlying tensions. For example:

“You never listen to me. It’s always about what you want.”

“That’s not fair and you know it. I’ve sacrificed a lot for this family.”

This type of emotionally-charged exchange shows the couple has deeper issues to work through regarding resentment and lack of appreciation.

Create awkward situations

Put characters in awkward situations through dialog to ramp up the tension. For example:

“How’s the job search going?”

“Um, still looking. The market’s tough right now.”

“Really? I heard your company is hiring. I put in a good word for you with some people I know there.”

“Oh. Thanks, I guess.”

The second character is now in the difficult position of admitting the job search isn’t going well and they don’t actually have any leads. This cringeworthy moment translates the tension to readers.

Issue challenges and ultimatums

Have characters challenge each other by issuing warnings, demands or ultimatums, for example:

“If you walk out that door, we’re through. I mean it this time.”

“Don’t threaten me. You need me more than I need you.”

Throwing down the gauntlet in this way forces characters to back up their words with actions, which heightens the tension and conflict. Readers will keep reading to see who comes out on top!

Using dialog that highlights tension, creates awkwardness, and issues challenges is a great way to craft page-turning scenes that keep readers on the edge of their seats. Mastering the art of writing gripping dialogue is key to writing a story that resonates.

Avoiding Common Dialogue Mistakes

One of the biggest mistakes new writers make is crafting unrealistic or clichéd dialog. Your characters’ conversations should flow naturally and sound believable to readers. Avoid these common dialog doners:

Repeating Characters' Names

In real life, we rarely use someone's name in every sentence when talking to them. Only use a character's name when beginning a new exchange or for emphasis. Repeating names too often makes the dialog sound unnatural.

Overusing Exposition

Don't have characters explain things solely for the reader's benefit. Only include exposition that makes sense for the characters to actually say to each other. Find other creative ways to convey important backstory or worldbuilding details.

Forgetting Emotion

Dialog without emotional cues like facial expressions and body language can seem flat. Use emotive verbs and adverbs to show how the lines are delivered. For example, "she exclaimed" or "he muttered angrily." Also describe characters' physical reactions and behaviors to further bring the scene to life for readers.

Talking in Complete Sentences

Real conversations are often choppy, filled with interruptions, tangents, and imperfect grammar. Vary your sentence structure and length. Use fragments, run-ons, and breaks when appropriate. Not all dialog needs to be in perfectly punctuated full sentences.

Clichéd Phrases

Certain overused phrases like "it's quiet...too quiet" or "we've got company!" indicate lazy or clichéd writing. Come up with original ways for your characters to express themselves that fit with their unique personalities and situation. Avoid reusing trite or familiar sayings.

With practice, writing natural-sounding dialog will become second nature. Pay close attention to how real people speak, and aim to replicate the flow and cadence in your writing. Follow these tips, and your characters' conversations will truly come alive on the page!

Formatting Dialogue Correctly

When writing dialog, formatting it correctly is key to making it clear and compelling for readers. Here are some tips for formatting your dialogue effectively:

Use quotation marks

Place all dialogue between double quotation marks (“”). This indicates the character is speaking. For example:

“Hello,” she said. “How are you today?”

Start a new paragraph for each new speaker

Having each character's dialog on its own line makes it easy to follow who's talking. For example:

“Did you finish your homework?” Mom asked.

“I'm almost done,” I replied. “Just have some math problems left.”

Describe the speech

Use speech tags like "said", "asked", "replied" to indicate how the dialog was delivered. For example:

“I don't want to go to bed yet,” the little girl whined.

Punctuate properly

Place punctuation such as periods, commas, question marks, etc. within the quotation marks. For example:

“Where are you going?” she asked.

I said, “To the store. Do you need anything?”

Use beats

"Beats" are actions or descriptions that replace the "he/she said" tags. They make dialog more engaging and help set the scene. For example:

"I'm tired." John yawned and rubbed his eyes.

"Then go to sleep." Mary folded her arms, annoyance in her tone.

Avoid over-tagging

Don't tag every single line of dialog with "said" or the character's name. Let context and formatting do some of the work for you. For example:

"Did you talk to Mom today?"

"Yeah, she called this morning."

"What did she say?"

"That she'd be home in time for dinner."

Following these guidelines will make your dialogue clear, compelling, and help bring your story to life. Readers will appreciate dialog that flows naturally and is easy to follow.

Using Dialogue Tags Effectively

To write effective dialog, you need to master the use of dialog tags. Dialog tags are the parts of speech that indicate who is speaking, such as “he said” or “she asked”. When used properly, dialog tags can enhance your story without distracting the reader.

Choose tags that match the tone

Pick dialog tags that match the emotional tone of the dialog. For example, use “he whispered” for hushed speech or “she shouted” for loud, angry speech. Avoid reusing the same generic tags like “he said/she said” repeatedly, but don't get too creative either. Stick with simple verbs that imply the manner of speech.

Use action tags

Action tags describe a character's physical actions or expressions while speaking. For example, "“I’m not going,” he shook his head.” or ““What a day!” She ran her hands through her hair and sighed.” Action tags bring dialog to life and help the reader visualize the scene. They also give you an opportunity to reveal character details.

Drop the tag when implied

Once two characters establish a back-and-forth dialog, you can often drop the dialog tags altogether. As long as it's clear who is speaking, the tags become unnecessary. For example:

“Did you finish your homework?” Mom asked.

“Most of it,” I said.

“Most of it? What didn’t you finish?”

“Just some math problems. I’ll do them after dinner.”

“You’d better. I’m checking it tonight.”

After the first two lines, the reader understands that Mom and I are the speakers, so the remaining dialog does not need tags. Dropping implied tags creates a snappier feel and prevents repetitive, unnecessary tags.

Using a mix of well-placed dialog tags, action tags, and implied dialog, you can craft seamless conversations between characters that flow naturally, without distraction. Keep practicing and listening to real-world conversations for inspiration. With time, writing compelling dialog will become second nature.

FAQs About Writing Dialogue

When writing dialogue, questions inevitably come up. Here are some of the most frequently asked questions about crafting realistic and compelling dialogue.

Do I use quotation marks or italics?

In fiction writing, use quotation marks (“”) to denote direct speech. Only use italics for thoughts or emphasis. Quotation marks allow the reader to easily distinguish between dialog and narration.

How do I avoid “he said, she said”?

To prevent repetitive “he said/she said” tags, use action tags that describe the speaker's actions or expressions. For example:

“We should get out of here,” he whispered, glancing around nervously.

She slammed her fist on the table. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

You can also drop the dialog tag altogether if the speaker is clearly identified through context or action. The dialog itself and how you structure the conversation can imply the tone.

How do I make dialogue sound natural?

Pay attention to the cadence and rhythm of actual conversations. Dialog should:

Sound like natural speech, not formal writing. Contractions are okay!

Have an easy back-and-forth flow. Keep responses concise and avoid monologs.

Capture unique speech patterns based on a character's background and personality.

Include interruptions, changes in subject, and imperfect grammar. We don't speak perfectly in real life!

What are the rules for punctuating dialog?

Use a comma between the dialogue tag and the dialog: “Hello,” she said.

If the dialog tag comes before the dialog, end it with a comma: She said, “Hello.”

If the dialogue is interrupted by a dialog tag, use commas to separate it from the tag: “Hello,” she said, “how are you?”

Use a period to end a sentence of dialog: “Hello.”

Use a question mark for a question: “How are you?” she asked.

Use an exclamation point for excitement or emphasis: “Wow!” he exclaimed.

Start a new paragraph each time the speaker changes.

Following these tips will have you crafting dialog like a pro in no time. Let me know if you have any other questions!

Additional Tips For Writing Dialogue

Keep it concise

When writing dialog, less is more. Keep exchanges brief and avoid long speeches. Readers will get bored quickly if characters drone on and on. Focus on using just enough dialog to convey key information or advance the scene.

Use natural language

Write dialog like people really speak. Use casual language, contractions, slang, and imperfect grammar. Drop words like “um”, “like”, and “you know” into conversations to make them sound authentic. Read your dialog aloud to ensure it flows naturally. If it sounds stilted or awkward when spoken, it will come across that way to readers as well.

Share emotions

Dialog should reveal characters’ emotions and attitudes. Have characters express feelings like excitement, frustration, fear or affection through their word choice, tone, and body language. For example, a character who sighs, rolls their eyes or speaks in a sarcastic tone conveys a very different emotion than one who smiles, makes eye contact and speaks enthusiastically.

Keep it relevant

All dialog should serve a purpose, whether to reveal something about a character, advance the plot or set a mood. Avoid “empty” exchanges that fill space but add no value. If a conversation seems pointless or dull, cut or rewrite it.

Use action and description

Don't rely solely on dialog to carry a scene. Include action and descriptions to give readers a more complete picture. For example:

"Where were you?" Anna asked.

Mark sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I got stuck at work. I'm really sorry."

The description of Mark's actions and appearance helps the reader understand his emotional state and see the full context of the conversation.

Leave room for interpretation

Don't have characters over-explain or outright state their feelings and motivations. Leave some details to the reader's imagination. For example, instead of:

"I'm angry that you lied to me," Amy said angrily.

Try:

Amy folded her arms and glared at him. "You lied to me."

The emotional context is clear without having to explicitly state Amy's anger. Subtlety and nuance in dialog make for a more engaging read.

Conclusion

So there you have it, the keys to mastering dialogue/dialog in your writing. I hope my extensive research was enough information for you all. Focus on listening to the voices around you, develop unique voices for your characters, keep your exchanges tight and impactful. Remember, dialog should always move the story forward, not just fill space on the page. With practice, writing compelling dialog can become second nature. Now go eavesdrop on conversations, study your favorite books and shows, and get to work crafting those conversations. Your characters and readers will thank you for it. Keep at it and before you know it, you'll be writing dialog with the best of them!

(Keep in mind I used both dialog and dialogue just in case there's a few who get annoyed with that.)

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TheWriteAdviceForWriters 2023

[bakerstreetbabble]

Granada TV Series Review: "The Priory School" (S03, E06)

It's Arthur Conan Doyle's birthday today, and today I return to my series of reviews of the Granada TV series, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Once again, the game is afoot!

The Granada adaptation of "The Adventure of the Priory School" is dramatic and action-packed (particularly towards the end of the episode). But, although it retains some of the major plot points, it bears relatively little resemblance to its source material. Material from the original story is shuffled around, we are treated to a considerable amount of horse riding and bicycle riding, and there's an interesting scene where the main villain, Mr. James Wilder, meets a nasty end in a torch-lit cave. It's certainly an engaging story, but it's not quite the story Arthur Conan Doyle wrote!

Still, there is much to recommend, above and beyond the beautiful scenery of the English countryside. Noted Shakespearean actor Alan Howard portrays the Duke of Holdernesse to great effect. (His long red beard described in the story has been replaced by bushy red sideburns.) Jeremy Brett brings his usual intensity to the role, and Watson is given quite a bit more to do than in the original. The dramatic pacing of the adaptation is quite good, I think, and less dialogue heavy than the original, so the story flows fairly convincingly. As an occasional student of Latin, I also enjoyed the tiny little detail of the headmaster, Dr. Thorneycroft Huxtable (surely one of the greatest character names in the whole Canon), greets all the students with, "Salvete discipuli!" (Hello, students!)

I was intrigued by a dinner scene towards the middle of the episode, wherein Holmes and Watson joke a bit about the origins of the Holdernesse family (they started out as cattle thieves). An outraged Dr. Huxtable gets a little peeved with Holmes' s disrespect of the Duke, which leads to a scene that is not in the original story where the detective shares his deductions on the role that the German teacher has played in the boy's disappearance. It seemed to me that it was a bit out of character to be joking about an aristocrat, as he usually shows great deference to those of high station, but the scene was certainly well played, especially with all the pipe and cigarette smoke that created a visually interesting effect.

Perhaps this is a good point to pause and consider the challenges inherent in adapting Doyle's stories to the medium of television. While they often have their fair share of action and adventure, many of the stories in the Canon tend to be rather heavy on dialogue. We are often given much of the exposition, and often much of Holmes' s investigations, in the form of characters telling other characters what has happened. To make an effective TV drama, of course, the writers have to show rather than tell, and to a great extent, most of the episodes I've watched thus far have done a pretty good job of doing so. Added to the visual nature of TV is the necessity to make stories fit into the format of a 50-minute episode. For some stories this means trimming the plot considerably, while for others it means padding the plot with more material.

Overall, I believe the adaptation of "The Priory School" is one of the better examples of handling the source material in a manner that retains much of the flavor of the original, while demonstrating a willingness to depart from the source where necessary, in order to provide a better dramatic structure for the medium in which they are working. I certainly found this to be a worthwhile installment in the series. Feel free to share your thoughts on the episode, particularly if you have ideas about how much an adaptation should adhere to the original story.

My apologies to anyone who has been following my series of Granada reviews, for skipping last week's post. We had a very busy weekend, and there simply wasn't time to watch an episode and write a review. This review will get us back on track as I near the midpoint of my viewing experience. Thanks for reading!

[arisawati]

 The author's journey in creating Denny Ja's 41st permanent work: the strongest light

In the world of Indonesian literature, the name Denny JA has become an irreplaceable icon. As a productive writer, Denny JA has created many works that get recognition and appreciation from readers. This year, Denny JA celebrates its 41st birthday on his colorful writing journey. One of his latest works that attract attention is his latest essay poem entitled The Strongest Light. This article will discuss this amazing writer's journey. Denny Ja, known as a multitalented writer, has offered extraordinary work in various genres. From poetry to essay poetry, from drama to essay, Denny JA continues to explore human language and feelings through his work. Writing for Denny JA is not just a job, but also a calling soul that never goes out. Creating an eternal work is the main goal of Denny JA. He believes that words have the power to convey a deep message and change the way we look at the world. In the poetry of the strongest light essay, Denny Ja presents a story that reveals the life of a woman who is strong and full of enthusiasm. This story not only captivates the heart of the reader, but also inspires to face the trials of life with an upright head. In the process of creating his work, Denny JA has a consistent routine. Every morning, he wakes up with enthusiasm and prepares a daily plan for writing. In morning silence, his mind flows with fresh ideas and beautiful words. Denny Ja appreciates this moment and records every idea that arises in a writing journal. However, the journey creates work still not always smooth. Denny Ja also faces difficult masamasa where he feels trapped in a creative deadlock. However, he did not give up on this obstacle. He tried various techniques, such as walking in the open or reading inspirational work from other writers, to overcome his creative deadlock. In seeing his work back, Denny Ja realized that the difficult moment was what made it a better writer. In his latest essay poetry, the strongest light, Denny Ja presents a living world and complex character. Every detail in this essay poem is written attentively, from an amazing background description to emotional dialogue. Through words, Denny Ja managed to bring the reader into the story and make them emotionally involved. Not only as a writer, Denny JA also acts as a mentor for young Indonesian writers. He believes in the importance of supporting and inspiring future generations to explore their talents in writing. Therefore, Denny JA often gives lectures or writing seminars to share his knowledge with those who are interested. The journey of the author Denny JA has inspired many people in Indonesia. His eternal work and enthusiastic soul became a source of inspiration for many writers who wanted to follow in his footsteps. Denny JA is a clear proof that with unlimited dedication, hard work, and imagination, everyone can create an influential workyakarya.

Check more: the author's journey in creating a 41st permanent work of Denny Ja: the strongest light

[botwstoriesandsuch]

Any tips on how to write Revali? I have a hard time writing his dialogue and making it sound like him without seeming too ooc. Any pointers would really help! -k

I certainly struggle with dialogue myself, but I will try to tell you what I know!

TL;DR: Revali is a character that I would describe as blunt, but not straightforward. He speaks in a way where he gets to the point, stating his opinion, but is said in a manner that has several uses. His dialogue is multi-purposeful, serving to both tell his opinion while at the same time undermining someone else, highlighting his talents, or otherwise. Use “complex” words and make use of subtext, subtly, and even sarcasm when writing for him, but don’t do it too the point where he sounds like a reincarnated Marie Antoinette, as his dialogue should only be “complex” enough for him to boast of his intelligence, he’s not a fancy noble.

For example, if we analyze this line:

“With proper utilization of my superior skills, I see no reason why we couldn’t easily dispense with Ganon. Now then, my ability to explore the firmament is certainly of note...but let’s not—pardon me for being so blunt—let’s not forget the fact that I am the most skilled archer of all the Rito.” (Revali, Revali’s Flap Cutscene)

We can see that this piece of dialogue is filled with character, which you can tell because message of the dialogue isn’t the only focus. In fact, if you were to break this down, and I rewrite this for the inherent message alone...

“We can defeat Ganon with my great skills. While my ability to fly is important, also we shouldn’t forget—sorry for being blunt—we shouldn’t forget that I am the best Rito archer.”

Both of those pieces of dialogue tell the same message, but it is the way that the first one is crafted with diction, connotation, and subtext that make it more “Revali,” but really, you can use the things I’m about to say for any character.

Diction is the choice of wording. Obviously there are millions of words that can all tell similar things, but it’s your choice as the author to understand the power of certain words. Are you going to say use or utilization? Are you going to use sky or firmament? Scrap or dispense? Sorry or pardon me? Essentially, what I’m saying is that the diction for writing for Revali should reflect his desire to appear superior to others, and his efforts to try and prove that to others (and himself) can usually be reflected through his more complex word choices. He would revel at the notion that he might have to talk down to a certain confused knight if he asked what the word “firmament” meant.

Connotation is the feeling or associating ideas that come with a word. This typically goes hand-and-hand with diction, but they are two separate things. Connotation typically deals with the deeper meaning of a word, further than its textbook definition. Think of the word unique vs the word peculiar. Both essentially mean the same thing, but you usually associate peculiar with negative or strange things, while unique is associated with positive or special things. This is the positive and negative connotation that you can use to give character. Think of stingy vs saving, vintage vs old. It’s not just limited to positive and negative either. When writing for Revali I try to use words that have a connotation that expresses wit. Use superior vs better. Intelligent vs smart. Asinine vs stupid. Of course vs sure or yes. Your choice of words (diction) should not only depends on the sentence structure, rhythm, or alliteration, but also on the connotation.

Finally, subtext is the underlying message of dialogue that is not outright said by a character. Easiest example, sarcasm. You say one thing but mean another. “Ah yes, let’s explore the not-at-all creepy and disturbing catacombs that are sealed deep beneath the castle for mysterious and unknown reasons. I’m sure it will be fine, and the smell of corpses only adds to the growing desire I’m getting to die today. Hurrah!” Revali is the type to use sarcasm, do I even need to explain that? However! Sometimes, that’s the extent that people will go into for subtext, when you should really be using it for nearly every scene you will ever write. Subtext is the bread and butter of interesting scenes, of conflict and tension.

Looking back at the example, Revali says “pardon me for being so blunt.” This line is fantastic not just because of the use of diction, but also because it plays into the dynamic between Revali and Link. Revali think’s Link is unworthy of being the hero, he doesn’t respect him and it’s a blow to his ego that someone seemingly so much worse than him is of higher rank. Revali has no respect for Link. That’s the basic dynamic, and that’s what plays into the subtext. If you read “pardon me for being so blunt” just off the fly, or from some other character, you wouldn’t get the full picture. You might think it’s a fancy butler, the lack of tone might set you off into thinking someone is actually apologetic for something.

But that’s not the case here, the writer for this weaponized the reader’s knowledge of Revali and Link’s dynamic to establish his character. Revali’s not sorry for shit! Have you seen this asshole? I love him. This line was completely unnecessary, but it’s addition to the dialogue not only clued in readers/players to the dynamic between the two, but further enhances character.

Use subtext, let the rule and scenarios you create play into interesting dialogue. Do not, for the love of me, do not just let you character’s outright say what they are doing, which is unfortunately something that Breath of the Wild does a bit too often. Sarcasm, obviously, is one of the more popular forms, but don’t just stick with that. Use the dynamics between characters to create banter, use tension to mask insecurity. Don’t let your character just say “I’m mad at you. I wish you would do this” but please weave that “message” between interesting subtext and I promise your dialogue will be 400% better. Are they going to say “I’m mad.” or are you going to make them talk about something slightly out of their character traits to indicate that something is wrong. Are you going to let a character explain “I wish you would...” or, are you going to let them go off on a witty tangent, where they complain about the things that another character does. Subtext is so much more efficient too! Look at this bit of final screenplay for American Beauty.

Jane: Mom, do we always have to listen to this elevator music?

Now, in the original screenplay, was

Jane: I want us to change the music that we listen to at dinner all the time

The second one sucks, and the reason is subtext. The only information we are being given in the original screenplay is that Jane wants to change the music that they listen to at dinner with their family. In the final screenplay, the dialogue tells us

Jane hates this kind of music

Jane wants to change the music they listen to

The mother has the power in this dynamic

The music is a typical thing this family goes through

Not only that, but the way in which this was said was far more interesting. Elevator music is an insult to her mothers choice of music. In the movie, even the tone in which is actress said this line implies that she was not asking politely, but in a tone that expresses her distaste for the situation.

I could go so far into subtext and dialogue but really you should just watch these videos which will explain it infinitly better than I could:

How To Write Great Dialogue [The Closer Look]

American Beauty (Part 1) — The Art of Character [Lessons From The Screenplay]

On Writing: The First Chapter [hello future me]

Inglorious Bastards — The Element of Suspense [Lessons From the Screenplay and this movie is one of my favs and the first scene is just a masterclass of subtext *chef’s kiss* I love it and also they punch Nazi’s and who doesn’t love a good Nazi punching watch the movie before watching anything else please it’s great unless you’re like thirteen in which case why are you on tumblr]

Final note before I end off yet another fucking essay, wow I write more about writing than actually writing my fics I have a problem, but anyhow, do not think of your characters as individuals. Don’t think, “Oh they can’t say this because that might be out of character,” because while that might be true to an extent, it is ultimately you that determines the circumstances. You are the one crafting the character, don’t rely on the canon always. This character didn’t exist beforehand, there’s no textbook for you to double-check as see “Yep! Right as rain they’re allowed to say that!” No, it’s your job as the writer to justify the words that come out of their mouth by establishing their character, and creating fitting scenarios that fit towards your theme or overarching story. This goes not just for dialogue, but for writing any dynamics, romances, or world building. You could make me believe that Bolson got together with Bularia if you as the writer did a good enough job crafting compelling dialogue, and more importantly character.

Also, don’t write “realistic” dialogue, write believable dialogue

Rant done, pardon me for being so blunt. :P

[s1utspeare]

Writing Tag Game

Once again, @hils79 is coming through and giving me reasons to live every day. I love u hilsy :')

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18 lol

2. What is your total AO3 word count?

209,037

3. Top five fics by kudos

A Swiftly Tilting Planet - 228

i wish that you would love me - 133

cause it's easier to bury my head in the sand sometimes - 131

the play's the thing - 114

falling backwards, falling backwards - 103

4. Do you respond to comments, and why?

I like to!! Partially because I love talking about my work with people, and I love seeing what they've gotten out of it, and partially because i'm always so excited when people comment so it's like "!!!!!!!!"

5. What’s the fic you have written with the angstiest ending?

uhhhhh wow idk. ummmm the first fic i ever published, way back in like, 2012, was a Major Character Death ending... Precursor in the Trollhunters fandom is fairly bittersweet... idk most people like angst with a happy ending (including me) so I try not to end things on a down note. There's enough of that in the world. for recent fics, I guess falling backwards, falling backwards OH WAIT SHIT i completely forgot about can't be bothered by the teachers. nevermind, THAT one is the angstiest

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

the play's the thing! that one was just very cute and very fluffy so of course it had a happy ending ^.^

7. Do you write crossovers, if so what’s the craziest one you have done?

I've only ever done crossovers as crack fic, but i was.............. uh definitely very weird in middle school so there's some out there.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not really lol. There were a couple of critiques on some things back on ff.net, but they weren't even really hate, just things that I was like >:/ about bc i was like. twelve.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I didn't, and I never thought I would, but then I started writing smut for like, my professional job, and idk I just think it's really interesting??? it's something i haven't ever really tried so when I'm looking for a way to stretch my writing muscles and experiment I do some smut lol. I'm actually really proud of my chen pi/er-ye/yatou smut and i'm not entirely sure why??? probably just bc I wrote it which means i'm growing as a writer asighafjalfjg. who would've thought.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! I'm not sure if that's bc I've never been in a big-enough fandom, or if everyone I've ever come across is just really nice! My style is also pretty distinctive, so that could be a turn away from stealing lol

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so! That would be so cool though!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Back on ffnet, yeah. They were all very 2012. And bad.

13. All time favorite ship!

I DON'T KNOOOOWWWWWW like my favorite ship (Wangxian) i haven't written yet, but my favorite ship to write has probably been Iron Threesome (have i even actually written them???? outside of pingpangsangxie?? i can't remember. Anyway).

14.What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you will?

I have no idea? Like, I have every intention of finishing every WIP I have started rn... if it's not something I'm completely into, I just don't start it lmao. I want them all to be DONE but i don't have TIME lol. Uhhhh there's a dmbj kpop au that i have outlined but probably won't ever write bc there's a lot more plot than I think I have the patience to put into a piece that's essentially just "zhang rishan angst modern au"

15. What are your writing strengths?

Uhhhhhhhhh language use, probably. @xcziel said something recently about how my writing reads like it's lined in gold (and I nearly cried about it), and I definitely write as though things are going to be read aloud, so I like to pay attention to how rhythm and sounds and sentences flow. Also DIALOGGGUUUEEE see this is all because i'm a playwright alsidghasdfkjas

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

i go too fast :/ i feel like if i took some more time on things i could really up the quality of some of it but i get too excited and just want to get it OUT so i end up making tiny mistakes and then have to do more work correcting them, but if i had just been slightly more patient I could have avoided it in the first place lol

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I think that you should stick to languages you're fluent in, unless you have a professional translator. I also don't believe in making words in other (real) languages italicized, because that sort of emphasizes the "otherness" of a different language, and that's not a good thing. THAT BEING SAID i fucking love making up languages; I don't have any fully developed ones, but all of my fantasy worlds usually have made-up swear words lmao

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson adsighasdljalsdfjad. That was a while ago.

19. Fave fic you have written?

OOOoohhhhh, shit. Uh. I don't know if I have favorites, I just have things that I'm proud of for like, each fic? Like I really like At the Beginning of the End of the World because that one was written in second person, which was a fun challenge, as well as for a fandom that I'm not in (Deltarune) because it was a charity commission request, so I had to do a lot of research and stuff to figure out what was going on there. A Swiftly Tilting Planet is super fun and super interesting to me, and I'm really excited for the rest of the trilogy that I have planned, but there's also a LOT of stuff I kind of wish I could change about that one (mainly because I've read it over like 78 times and found all the small mistakes lmao). I'm also super proud of i wish that you would love me because i think I really doubled-down on the language strengths in that one, and the amount of people that fic resonated with is very important to me, because I'm one of them. So there's a lot of different things that I like about each fic I've written, and I like them all!

THIS WAS SO FUN THANK YOU HILSY i'm gonna tag @daydreamorama, @mejomonster, @jockvillagersonly, @bookjoyworm, and @pissmeoffanddie, as well as anyone who would like to TAG STEAL >:)

[hakasims]

Shitty Luca Movie Recap, Episode 4

Can’t Watch Nina, Even For Luca?

Don’t Worry, Me Neither. Goodbye.

.

..

...

Ok, fine, I’ll talk about the damn thing.

So it’s a warm September night, and I’m in the mood for a Luca Marinelli feature. In my infinite wisdom I choose Nina. “It’s directed by a woman,” I reason, “and women know what’s up.” ‘What’s up’ in this particular case is code for ‘how to frame beautiful men for the female gaze’. Because women can be auteurs, too, and being an auteur means making movies about your own personal wank material.

Turns out, sometimes a woman’s wank material consists less of a gorgeous male form and more of fascist architecture. We’ll discuss the former in due time, but for now, what’s Nina even about? Well, at its core it’s a simple story about a young woman who doesn’t know what she wants, set against the backdrop of the Rome that is almost entirely empty due to most people leaving for the summer. This could have been a fairly straightforward coming-of-age film, but Nina is too indie and up its own ass for that. Literally nothing of note happens in this movie, and it’s all long static wide shots of empty streets, endless stairs, and domineering largeness of Rome’s most famous fascist buildings such as the Palace of Italian Civilization, the Sapienza University of Rome, Palazzo dei Congressi, and, most prominently, the Fountains Hall. (Google what they look like if you don’t know.) Now, I’m guessing those locations weren’t chosen by accident. They could have easily added to the creepiness of the movie — and I’m assuming creepiness was intended; otherwise how do you explain these hoverboarding nuns?

Anyway, the employment of the locations could have been atmospheric and thematic had the shots not been so bland. But they are. Bland, flat, and always looking the same no matter what is happening in the scene. Usually audiences are willing to sit through slow uneventful movies because of interesting visuals or characters worthy of attention, but Nina has neither. The titular character herself is tedious. Even her bad fashion sense is bad in a boring way that doesn’t tell you anything about her. Is she stuck in perpetual adolescence? Is she searching to get in touch with her sensuality? Who knows. The only thing I’m certain of is that she needs to learn to tuck her tops into her bottoms.

Nina spends her days giving singing lessons, going to Chinese calligraphy classes, eating cake, exercising and taking midnight walks in the empty city. She wants to go to China in September — it’s the closest thing to a goal she has — yet she’s done no preparations, and instead of learning Mandarin she’s studying calligraphy. And she’s real bad at it, too.

There are reoccurring visual elements in the movie besides the vast emptiness: stairs, white columns, a jogger, a red dress, animals… You’d think those were very straightforward symbols, but they’re used too sporadically and inconsistently to hold any meaning. For example, animals. Nina is tasked with both helping out in a pet store and house-sitting an apartment with a German shepherd (a good boy named Homer), a guinea pig and a tank full of fish. The instructions she’s given are absurd, like feeding the dog sleeping pills and putting the guinea pig on a diet. And then there’s a supposedly American TV show always playing in and out of diegesis about dogs living in cages and swimming happily in pools, and it looks and sounds like a video off the political section on the dog version of YouTube. It contains timeless classics like “You are a dog born in the age of consumerism” and “Depression is an evil illness now spreading amongst dogs of every breed, dogs belonging to every social class.” The butter commercial from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend could never. And I wish the whole movie was as surreal as this TV program but unfortunately it’s as bland and directionless as Nina herself.

And boy is it directionless. There aren’t any subplots in the movie, no cause and effect, no acts, no structure, no flow; only scenes that happen, and I can’t even find any reasons for the order in which they happen. The scenes also don’t start or end; they just interrupt each other, not leaving any emotional impact. For example, there’s a scene where Nina sees her future self. She’s on one of those midnight walks with the good boy Homer when she sees a couple being romantic. The woman is wearing a long red dress, and the man is in all black. The shot is wide, so it’s impossible to see their faces, but the woman is obviously Nina:

And the man is definitely Luca. I recognized his ass. I’m not joking, guys. It’s his ass:

Also I was later directed to the website of the photographer who took the set photos, and yes, it’s Nina and Luca.

I never forget an ass.

Anyway, Nina, who at this point hasn’t properly met Luca’s character, Fabrizio, sees herself from the future acting romantic with him, and doesn’t react. We don’t even know if she recognizes herself or him or whether it’s even a real scene or a dream. How are we supposed to empathize with a heroine who isn’t allowed to react to her environment?

Whatever, it’s time to talk about Fabrizio. He plays the cello and he’s obnoxious. That’s it. He first appears as a patron of Caffé Palombini, the real-world café Nina frequents (and buys her cakes at). She’s drinking her usual milk shake and reading. At some point, their eyes meet, but neither says anything, and then Nina gets up and runs after the good boy Homer who decided to take a little stroll by himself. She leaves all her things behind: her milk shake, her handbag, at least three books, a whole stack of paper for calligraphy, and her diary. It’s obvious she’s going to come back as soon as she gets the dog. And yet before her feet are even out of frame, Fabrizio gets up, goes to her table and fucking steals her diary!

His next several appearances are random and sporadic, and it looks like he’s stalking Nina, but by the time of his first actual scene she is following him for some reason. Obviously, he can’t let a woman outcreep him, so he ambushes her:

He tells her blankly, “You’re following me,” but I think this scene deserves better dialogue. Thankfully, we have a whole well of predator/maiden media to pull from.

Though I personally believe this is the most appropriate line:

Fabrizio lets Nina know he has her diary in the dickiest way possible: he quotes from it to let her know that he’s read it. He then informs her that he’ll only give it back to her if she continues following him. And it’s not blackmail; “it’s an agreement.” What an asshole! I’m weeping for the dignified cuckoldry of Joseph.

And what was the purpose of that “agreement” plot point if the next time they meet is by chance? Quirky love interest writing, duh. So quirky that the accidental meeting happens when Nina is walking past a phone booth where Fabrizio is… doing a phone prank? I don’t know, I got nothing. Anyway, he’s annoyed their meeting is unintentional on Nina’s part, but he returns her diary, and I guess they start dating? He watches her sing once with what could only be described as a complete absence of emotions:

In the next scene she watches him play the cello after which they go on a date. Nina is wearing the red dress from the vision, but Fabrizio’s shirt is different. I fucking give up.

Their next (second?) date is a romantic dinner on Nina’s roof, and they’re dancing for entirely too long. She then tells him she’s scared of how much she’s enjoying his company, gives him a ridiculously chaste kiss goodnight and… completely ghosts him afterwards. And if you didn’t dislike Fabrizio before, you will now as he starts calling Nina at ungodly hours (including 5:30 am) and leaving her very whiny and increasingly more passive-aggressive, entitled, and accusatory voicemails. At some point he even leaves a voicemail for the fucking dog! He’s like, “Homer, I’m worried, meet me at the café.” Again, quirky love interest writing: extortion, phone pranks and a voicemail for a dog.

Fabrizio then lets Nina know he’ll be leaving town in three days in case she’d like to see him one last time or whatever. And she never fucking does! In any other movie she’d be chasing through the airport, but here she just drops him like he’s a well-tucked shirt! She tells the kid she’s befriended (she hangs out with an eleven-year-old boy the whole movie, don’t worry about it) that she’s afraid to be “like everyone else”, with a job and a boyfriend, so she doesn’t even say goodbye to Fabrizio. At some point she goes for a walk with the good boy Homer, and Fabrizio is also there, and they just miss each other. Even fate isn’t interested in that romance.

And then all the fascist buildings get covered in gigantic paper figurines, and the red-dressed Nina runs into Fabrizio’s arms. Because of course.

Nina is one of those movies where the main theme — a struggle to grow up — is obvious, but the rest of the elements are a mess only the writer-director could decipher. And I don’t really care. Again, I had to read Japanese postmodernists at university. What I do care about is the male form I mentioned at the start. I know I have no one but myself to blame for my expectations of how the director should have framed Luca’s body or face, but it’s one thing to frame him blandly and a completely different thing to isolate him as the only character (or actor) she’s deeply uninterested in filming competently. Everyone else in the movie gets their fair share of close-ups and decent lighting whilst Luca — whose name is literally second in the credits — gets, um, neglected.

This is his introduction:

These are literally all his close-ups:

Should I even count this last one? What’s with the lighting? Like, this is as well-lit as his face gets:

Oh, the shot is too wide and you can’t see his face properly? Well, tough poop:

Are you kidding me with this shit?

Nina may not be objectively the most terrible of the movies Luca’s been in: I’d argue both Mary of Nazareth and L’ultimo terrestre are worse, as is Slam, whose time’s a-coming. Nor is it the movie where Luca appears the least (The Great Beauty’s literal one minute of screen time is saying hi). But it’s the only movie I have no reasons to watch: it’s blandly shot, poorly structured, badly themed — and it’s actively obstructing Luca’s beauty and charisma. So no matter which film you’ll ask me to do next, at least in terms of the visual component of my posts, we have nowhere to go but up.

[maleksrami]

So I've heard that apparently the majority of the fandom is unanimous in their decision that tif is one of the most loved fics of all time, however, I actually don't see a lot of people hyping it up nowadays (I'm assuming most of the raving was done back in the day when it came out), except for you. You seem to harbour a profound love for tif, so I thought you'd be the best person for this. Give me a little spiel, sell it to me. Why do you love it so much? Why must I read this pronto?

It was the first Larry fic ever recommended to me and I was very new to the fandom at the time (even though the fic was a couple years old by then) so I think it being the first fic about them I ever read, and the fact that it’s an AU instead of canon compliant, intrigued me a lot because their characters are just regular guys with regular jobs. I was like, oh, how will this go? I didn’t know what that would read like. And it just set the bar. I didn’t feel like I was reading about boyband members and I still don’t when I reread it every year. I was no stranger to fic before, but I wasn’t an avid reader of it until after I read TIF because it made me feel SO much and made me realize that the possibilities of worlds to put them in was endless. No other fandom’s writing excited me quite the same way before. The characterizations in TIF are still my favorite to this day and I would argue that a couple of them, as well as tropes, themes, etc. ended up being a blueprint for people’s work later on, intentionally or not. Like it kickstarted a certain inspiration in the fandom’s authors. The conversational, almost dry writing style is unique enough that I’ve never seen it emulated in any other fic the same way since, the flow never breaks between the TWO authors (which is incredibly impressive), and it’s full of hilarious dialogue and moments I never could have come up with, nor dreamt up. Every detail of that fic is very specific. It has the perfect amount of angst and the climax of the story is still one of the most gut wrenching scenes. There are quotes of narration that still rattle me. I get jealous thinking about how two people sat down and typed out certain strings of words I would have never been able to craft up myself. It taught me exactly what slow burn means and how to do it right, how to create characters that were flawed and nuanced and might make stupid decisions, but at least they had a valid reason even if it takes a while to figure it out. I just find it to be the perfect outline of how a fic should play out. Some of the tropes in TIF are overused now, but at the time, they weren’t. I don’t think if TIF was written today it would have the same effect. I also believe the element of mystery around TIF is what still makes it so appealing. It was written by two anonymous people and posted on livejournal, of all places. They were clearly experienced writers and I always got the impression they were in their late 20s, maybe older, when it was written. Just by the way they seemed to have lived life a little bit more than most younger fans and they poured it into the characters. There is definitely some personal experiences sprinkled in that story, no doubt in my mind. But they dropped this remarkable work and were practically never heard from again. It’s not like you can send them messages on a blog and get answers about their fic, so it allows people to come up with their own headcanons about the characters. I completely get that some people either don’t find TIF that interesting, or they get tired of hearing about it all these years later, but it holds a special place in a lot of hearts and for a fic to remain in such high regard for so long is a really powerful thing. It’s not just my favorite fan fic I’ve ever read, it’s my favorite piece of fiction I’ve ever read...at all.

[sintreaties]

The first thing to keep in mind, is that the OC has to be coherent with the story and the setting. You need to slip them in your fic in the same manner you would add a different species of fish in Kirari’s aquariums, that is, seamlessly and without much racket. They have to be weaved in the background and plot without disrupting the setting, but at the same time they can’t just be soul-less puppets, ready to be discarded as soon as you’ve used them for your plot-points.

These are the main pieces of advice I can give:

1) make sure you know who your characters are and why the story needs them

2) use the narrative technique of “show, don’t tell” to make them come alive in your stories

3) refrain from using excessive flashbacks, dialogues and descriptions.

4) practice, practice, practice and have fun

I will now talk about all of this a bit more in depth.

Let’s start with the character itself.

In order to create an OC you have to ask yourself:

1) what is their purpose in terms of plot

2) how do their actions and existence influence the world around them

3) how many times they appear.

In a word, you have to know how relevant they are to your story.

The more relevant they are, the more you should work on their thoughts, speech, actions, backstory and appearance in order to give them the same depth as the canon characters. You should also remember, that technically characters like Grandma Bami aren’t OCs. Their personalities and looks might be original, but for the rest, they already have a place in canon, even if we don’t see much of it, so you have to pay more attention in order to ground them and make them believable.

Keep in mind that your characters are more than a face and a plot-point, that relationships can be paradoxical and varied and that every person has flaws and strengths. Now you should be good to go.

Once you’ve decided on who the OC is and what they do, it’s time to weave those characteristics into the narration. Of course everyone has their own way of narrating their stories and everyone has different reasons to use an OC. Here are some of the examples in my fics.

In Of Thorns and Petals, Sayaka briefly mentions her parents to Kirari. In particular, we know about her mother's job and that she was always quite busy and distant. We learn more about this when Sayaka compares herself to her through a brief recollection: Sayaka remembers her talking on the phone, pressing it between her shoulder and ear while she cooks, like a real woman (meaning a functioning adult). This is meant to show the nuances in Sayaka's relationship with her mother: Sayaka looks up to her as as role model, and at the same feels her distant because she was always too busy to build a proper relationship with her.

Althought we won’t see Sayaka’s parents for God only know how many chapters, it was important to mention them now in order to establish that they exist, so the reader won’t be confused to see them at a second time and they won't feel out of place when Sayaka (and the narration) will require their presence.

Another OC of mine is Naosuke. Naosuke is merely a servant of the clan. In In the Shade of the Orchard we learn about his story, but his main function as narrator was to allow us to learn about Grandma Bami, about her cruelty and at the same time about all the characteristics that made her a woman worthy of admiration. In later works like OTAP he's a connection between past and present, between what the twins used to be when Grandma was around, and what they've become. He offers a contrast too, between the hatred they have for her and the reluctant admiration and devotion he always felt (i.e. Kirari suspects him of bringing her peaches when she goes to visit her Grandmother in Blood's Sickness).

Although Naosuke is now a background character in most of my fics (AUs and not), you don’t need to read In the Shade Of The Orchard to know who he is. We get to know everything we need about him at the right time through the right dialogues, actions and recollections, without disrupting the present narrative.

Naosuke and Sayaka’s parents are both examples of a “show, don’t tell” style of narration. Although it might take some practice, I believe this is the best style when it comes to introducing OCs, as it feels more natural.

See it as a painting and every detail is a brush stroke that will bring the composition together: Kirari recollects that her father often looked tired; and that the same tiredness often turned into something very similar to fear when he came out of Grandma’s office. Today, in the present moment, he doesn’t smile often and he never shows himself proud of her, notwithstanding all of her accomplishments (meaning, he sees too much of Grandma in Kirari and it’s taking its toll on the relationship between them). Here you have the portrayal of a weak, tortured man and his change throughout the years. You only need to give him a fitting appearance, perhaps bright blue eyes that look older than what they are.

Want to introduce an OC that has no real, possible connection to canon? Work in the same manner and make up everything you need.

The man sitting before Sayaka keeps playing with a lighter. He doesn’t look scared or nervous, but he has his own kind of restlessness. His eyes are indifferent and there are deep shadows under them; his hair is clean and cut, just like his nails, but there’s the first hint of a beard under his chin. Sayaka thinks that his suit looks too new, as if the price tag is still behind his neck.

Later on, when Kirari will arrive, she will amiably ask him if his flight went well, and he will tell her that her cousin was very clear in her instructions.

In a few lines we learnt that this man smokes or has a connection with fire, that he looks after himself but that Terano forced him to fly to Hyakkaou in such a hurry that the only way to make himself presentable was to buy brand new clothes, plus that Kirari isn't surprised to see him, so she probably knows him.

Kirari, Sayaka and John Doe himself will tell you this. I, as the narrator, am merely showing you their thoughts, words and appearance.

What you shouldn’t do in order to achieve the same result is use paragraph after paragraph of flashbacks and dialogues. In the first case, you will interrupt the flow of the narration, detaching the reader from the present; in the second one you might lose their interest.

When working on descriptions in general, be sure not to exaggerate. If you sap the subtext, you will only bore the reader (remember all those Jane Austen character descriptions? XVII Century English literature wasn’t that fun because the writers passed too much time telling us about each damn piece of clothing on their characters). Consider that most people don’t even notice each other’s eye color unless there’s something peculiar about it.

Last but not least, the more you get acquainted with your OC the better your narration around them will become, most importantly if you enjoy what you’re doing. There’s an intimacy between me and Naosuke; built on the fact that I and only I know most of his feelings and thoughts, only I know how he could react in a certain situation or not. When I think so much about it, it is extremely satisfying to bring all of that in my stories. Naosuke came to life first because I needed a “walking camera” and second because I was having a lot of fun writing him.

If it’s your first time writing an OC, don’t be afraid to come up with a Mary Sue. Humans are complicated even in fiction and only through practice (and reading) you might learn how to avoid certain mistakes sometimes.

Remember that it’s fanfiction. Be happy first, worry about technique later. Don’t be afraid to write as much as you can about anything you want and don't get discouraged if you can't write like James Joyce right off the bat.

I hope my answer and the examples I provided were useful. If you do end up writing something, please let me know!

[yelena-bellova]

Don’t Be Afraid: Poe Dameron x Solo!Reader - Chapter Four

Chapter Four: A Trip To Jakku

Series Masterlist

Plot: One week after Poe and Reader’s evening together, they’re called into a meeting regarding the map to Luke Skywalker.

Warnings: Angst, angst galore and a tiny bit of language.

Word Count: 4.9k

A/N: PHEW. We’ve arrived at TFA and I’m so excited. Do any other writers ever spend so much time writing something that you’re simultaneously proud of and also hate? Cause that’s how I feel about this lol. We also get to spend some time with BB-8 and I decided to write dialogue for him because I’ve always wondered what droids are saying. I apologize for any typos, my hands are doing better at typing but they’re not perfect yet. ENJOY!!

——————

One week later

——————

Clearly the galaxy had taken pity on me and decided to throw me a bone. I had been buried in work for the past week leaving me very little time to dwell on my problems. Reports came flying in from various missions and I was in several meetings each day. Me, my mother and a few higher-ups even had to take a two day trip to Mon Calamari for a meeting with their monarchy. All in all, I was pleased to be back in the thick of my job.

Poe and I were as normal as we could be after the night we’d spent together. We hadn’t seen much of each other due to work, but when we were together there was very noticeable tension between us. I caught myself stealing glances at him when he was in the room, ducking my head quickly if he turned in my direction. He seemed to look at me with a newfound intensity in his dark brown eyes that would send a shiver down my spine. Whatever had changed that night seemed to be affecting both of us.

After a late meeting one day with Lieutenant Connix, I was able to escape the command center for a break. As I walked through the halls, I tugged at the collar of my dark green commander’s uniform. It was the most uncomfortable outfit anyone in the galaxy could have the misfortune of wearing. I’d never pulled the ‘General’s Daughter’ card to gain special privilege, but I’d tried to convince my mom several times to let me wear something different. I made a mental note to try asking her one more time...

Too busy scratching my neck, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and bumped into something. I looked down to see a familiar orange and white droid looking up at me,

“Bee, I’m so sorry! You okay?” I asked, kneeling to the ground.

I’m okay, don’t worry.

“Well, I’m still sorry. Where’re you headed?”

I was sent to come get you. The General needs to see you right away.

I furrowed my brows, “Okay, she didn’t say anything when I saw her this morning.”

She said it’s a new development.

“Oh, lead the way then!”

I rose from the ground and walked side by side with the droid, wondering why he was coming to get me when he was Poe’s droid. If my mother needed to see me, she usually sent 3PO.

We arrived quickly at one of the smaller meeting rooms and I knocked on the door softly.

“Come in.” I heard my mother’s voice call.

BB-8 and I both entered, me shutting the door behind us. I turned to see my mother sitting at the small table with Poe sitting across from her.

“Sit down, Commander,” my mother instructed, noticing the confused expression on my face.

I awkwardly sat down next to Poe, knowing it had been a few days since we’d talked. He gave me a smile and a wink, nonetheless and I relaxed into my seat.

“Commander Solo, Commander Dameron,” my mother began in her most serious tone of voice, “The information that I am about to tell you is beyond confidential. You are not to speak a word of this meeting to anyone else. The only people that are to know about what is said in this room are the three of us and BB-8.”

“Understood, General.” Poe and I replied in unison, BB-8 also letting out a beep of agreement.

She sighed, “We have made contact with Lor San Tekka and he has confirmed that he is in possession of the map we’ve been looking for.”

My jaw dropped slightly, this was it. It was happening. I looked over to Poe who gave me a toothy grin before looking back to my mother.

“That being said, we have very little time to move before the First Order inevitably learns of this also. I’m dispatching you both to Jakku to retrieve the map.”

Internally, I breathed a sigh of relief that I was being sent. I was worried that my mother would see my going on this mission as an issue and-

“However, Commander Solo, your presence on this paticular mission is conditional.”

Spoke too soon.

“How so?”

Leia sighed and folded her hands together on the table, “Due to your personal attachment to the item in question, it is a possibility that your judgement could become clouded. It goes without saying that there is no room for mistake with this. Therefore,” she glanced over at Poe briefly, “even though you are both equally ranked, Commander Dameron will be leading this mission.”

I tilted my head slightly, opening my mouth to say something but never finding the words needed to express what I felt. Instead the only thing I could get out was,

”What?”

Leia looked down for a second before facing me, “In times like these, we cannot afford to take any risks and placing someone with a personal stake in a mission in charge is a risk. This is not an insult to you, Commander, you are a valuable asset to this mission.”

I could practically feel Poe tense up next to me, clearly he knew that I wasn’t going to take the news well. And how was I supposed to take it? What we were going to retrieve had to do with my family and I wasn’t even put in charge of it?

I folded my hands, matching my mother’s diplomatic position involuntarily, and forced a fake smile on my face,

“Well, to be frank, General, I don’t agree with the choice. I believe I’m perfecty capable of handling myself and keeping my emotions in check,” my voice was dripping with bitterness, “I would never let a personal interest get in the way of the Resistance’s goal. However, if you believe that Commander Dameron is more suited in leading the mission, then that is your decision. I will, of course, play any part I can in this operation.”

Poe had a hand to his temple by the end of my speech, while my mother simply kept her eyes locked with mine in a silent standoff.

“Is that all, Commander?” She finally asked, her tone firm, letting me know that the discussion was over.

I conceded, sitting back in my chair with my hands in my lap, “Yes, General.”

“Alright, the two of you leave in an hour. Because of the severity of this mission, there will not be any communications allowed so don’t bother packing them. Commander Solo, there will be a ship waiting for you to take. I will personally see the both of you off in the hanger.”

“Yes, General.” Poe answered, for the both of us as I stayed silent.

“Meeting adjourned,” Leia stated, the three of us standing and BB-8 rolling closer to join us. I left the room first, making a beeline for my quarters with no interest of speaking to anyone.

Once I got into my room, I let my tears flow freely as I leaned against the door. I was frustrated with my mother for not trusting me enough to be in charge of the mission. But more importantly, I was mad at myself because she was 100% right in making the call. My emotions couldn’t be kept in check when it came to my family and there was a considerable chance they would cloud my judgement. I would make some rash, impulsive decision and jeopardize the whole thing.

After a few minutes of crying into my hands, I wiped them on my uniform and dried my eyes. I had less than an hour to get into mission mode, to forget everything I was feeling and focus on what was at stake. I took a deep breath, knowing exactly what I needed to do to ensure I was present.

I walked to the center of the room, dropped to the floor and crossed my legs. My hands found my knees and gripped them gently, I closed my eyes and leaned into the familiar feeling. I focused on the Force, picturing it moving all around me and anchoring me to the ground. I pictured it flowing through me, into the deepest darkest parts of me that no one knew about. I pictured my anger, my sadness, my frustration, and allowed it to wrap around them like a tight embrace to keep someome from moving.

Just like that, I felt at peace.

Opening my eyes and taking a breath, I slowly rose from the ground and walked to my dresser. I grabbed a pair of tan pants, a white tee shirt, my dark brown leather jacket and a matching colored pair of combat boots. I changed quickly, knowing that my meditation had taken longer than I’d thought. I clipped a holster belt to my waist and placed my blaster inside the main holster.

Knowing that I’d regret not taking it, I reached over to my desk drawer and grasped my lightsaber. I hadn’t picked it up in a week since my last training session, too afraid of having another flashback. I had zero intention of using it today, and I probably wouldn’t need it, but I wanted extra protection should the worst happen. I’d long ago installed a holster clip inside each of my jackets to hold the lightsaber and I never went on a mission without it. I begrudgingly secured it and as soon as I felt it familiarly hit my side, I felt eased.

“Stupid....thing,” I grumbled, staring down at the inanimate object.

A knock at the door interrupted me from insulting any more of my weapons. It was too forceful to be my mother and I doubted she wanted to speak to me. I pressed the button to open the door and found Poe on the other side.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, I gestured for him to come in and he entered. I closed the door and turned to Poe, who was standing in thee middle of the room with his hands on his hips. He wore a similar outfit to mine, though his shirt had a deeper neck line that showed off a peak of his toned chest. He’d tried to tame his curls best he could, but one or two still fell loose.

It was wildly unfair that someone could look so distractingly perfect all the time.

“Look,” he began, “I know it doesn’t help, but I didn’t know anything about any of this before the meeting.”

I shrugged, “It helps and it doesn’t help. But I am sorry that you had to see me act like such a child.”

“Y/n, I completely understand why you’d want to be in charge of this mission,” he said, his tone sincere, “But if we’re being honest you-“

”I could do something because it has to do with my family. Unfortunately, I agree.”

Poe’s lip curled up a little, “Well, I was gonna be a little nicer about it but yeah, that’s a possibility.”

I chuckled and took a few small steps towards him, crossing my arms, “No need to be nice, I was unreasonable. Sometimes I’m just so desperate to piece my family back together, I’d run headfirst into battle just for a shot at it.”

Poe simply listened, his brown eyes clouded with sadness, he knew all about the meaning of family. He’d lost his mother at such a young age, but she still meant he world to him.

“I’m not going to pretend like I’ve been in your shoes, Y/n, but I do know one thing. The passion and drive you have when it comes to your family,” he walked towards me and placed his hands on my arms, “They’re some of your best qualities, and they’re what make you such a good leader. Reel in your impulsiveness, but don’t be afraid to tap into that part of yourself.”

I smiled softly, placing my hands on top of his warm ones, before cocking my head to the side.

“I’m sorry, did I just hear you tell me to reel in my impulsiveness?

Poe rolled his eyes and took his hands off my arms, “Here we go...”

“The Poe Dameron,” I said between laughs, “Instructing someone not to be impulsive?”

“And I stand by what I said,” he replied, his hands going to his hips.

“And I think you’re full of shit.”

He raised an eyebrow, “Is that any way to speak to your Commander?”

Smirking, and taking a step closer towards him, I decided to be exactly what he’d just told me not to be,

“I stand by what I said.” I said softly, watching his eyes darken as I stared him down.

Poe’s jaw clenched, and I could sense his entire body had just gone tense. I realized just how close I’d moved towards him, our bodies were practically touching. The tension I’d felt between us the past week was back, but this time it was electric. Rather than duck my head, like I usually would, I firmly held his gaze with no intention of breaking first.

“Something wrong, Commander?” I asked, innocent as could be. I’d never seen Poe as speechless as he was at the moment, and something inside me was happy that I had so much of an effect on him.

His pupils blown and his pink lips parted slightly, he gave a coy smile,

“None whatsoever, sweetheart.”

Was it normal in a friendship to want to press your friend up against a wall and kiss them senseless?

Because if not, I was completely screwed.

The only thing that prevented that from happening was the sudden banging at my door. Both Poe and I jumped slightly, the heated moment broken and the noise bringing us back to reality. Turning and pressing the button, the door opened to reaveal BB-8 waiting patiently.

“What’s up, buddy?” Poe asked from behind me,

The General’s in the hanger, it’s time to go.

“Right,” I nodded, “We’re right behind you.”

The droid beeped once in acknowledgement and I turned to Poe, who had come to stand next to me. He looked like he was shaking himself from the same stupor I was, coming back to focus on the issues at hand.

He exhaled loudly and clapped his hand on my shoulder,

“Jakku?”

I sighed, shifting my thoughts from these new feelings towards Poe and reminding myself we were heading back into war,

“Jakku.”

————————

Leia was waiting for us in the hanger, in between Poe’s X-Wing and a beat up A-Wing for me. BB-8 had sped ahead of us in the halls and was already loading himself into his spot in the X-Wing.

“General,” Poe greeted as we approached her, “Commander Solo and I are all set.”

“Good,” she replied, the mechanics are finishing flight checks on your ships.”

“All set, General,” the mechanics responded as if on cue.

I met my mother’s gaze, knowing I had to talk to her before we left. Poe sensed the mood and mumbled something about checking on BB-8. Standing in front of her with my head hung, I felt like a child remorseful for something they’d done.

“I may have an apology to make.”

”That’s entirely up to you. Just remember I have the power to demote you if you don’t,” she replied with a playful smile.

I laughed under my breath and took her hands in mine, “I’m sorry for how I acted, I still have a lot to learn.”

She placed both her hands on my cheeks and pulled me down to press our foreheads together. I clung to her arms and tried to soak in the moment, knowing there was a chance I wouldn’t see her again. It was a risk with every mission, but this one was different. This was more dangerous than anything the Resistance had ever pulled off before. And the whole thing rested on Poe and I.

My mother kissed my forehead before capturing me in a hug, I tried not to let any tears fall but failed. As she pulled away, I dried my eyes quickly and squeezed her hand, 

“I love you.”

“I love you too, darling.”

Smiling warmly, I broke contact with her and walked over to the ship I’d be using. I usually flew an A-Wing when on missions so I was familiar with the controls. I climbed into the cockpit and got adjusted in my seat before placing the pilot’s helmet on my head and looking over to Poe,

“You good, Dameron?”

“All good, Solo,” he confirmed, looking at me through his own helmet and giving me a thumbs up.

“Commanders,” my mother said before we powered up the ships, “May the Force be with you both.”

I smiled and saluted her before pressing the button and the ship coming alive. I flipped on the comms so me and Poe could communicate till we arrived at Jakku.

“Poe, can you hear me?”

“Loud and clear, sweetheart. Who’s leaving the hanger first?”

“You’re in charge, Commander. Make the call.”

“I’m making the call that I like it when you call me Commander.”

I rolled my eyes, “Poe, save the galaxy now, flirt later.”

He groaned jokingly, “Fine, I’m leaving first.”

“Right behind you,” I confirmed, Poe had programmed the coordinates into my ship while I’d said goodbye to my mother. I took the controls in my hands and lifted off the ground, seeing that Poe was already out of the hanger waiting for me above base. I left the building and flew up to meet him,

“Ready for lightspeed?” He asked over the comms.

“Ready when you are,” I answered.

We flew a little further from base and then just like that, we were off.

—————-

The flight wasn’t too long or harsh, and any trip we didn’t run into First Order patrol ships was a good one.

Poe and I didn’t end up speaking for the duration in case the First Order were scanning comms. If ever I needed to hear his voice, it was then. As we travelled, I’d begun to get a sinking feeling in my stomach. I sensed that something terrible was coming our way, but I couldn’t determine what. I’d often had premonitions in the past few years, but they’d increased significantly recently and it was starting to worry me. It was like my powers were beginning to grow stronger.

“Alright, coming into the atmosphere.” Poe’s voice came on the comms, taking me away from my thoughts.

“Copy that,” I answered.

It was almost dawn on Jakku, but it was still dark. Sneaking in and out in the dark made the mission feel even more dangerous, my nerves only rose.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” I mumbled to myself.

We were nearing the village, preparing to land outside of it. Poe and I flew side by side, zeroing in on a good spot and slowing down as we descended. There was something about the way Poe flew that even under the most dangerous of circumstances, he was completely at ease when flying. It was almost reassuring, almost.

We landed easily a few hundred yards from the village and I powered the A-Wing down. I removed my helmet and smoothed down my hair, blowing out a deep breath as my eyes scanned the quiet village. Whatever we were about to walk into, I hoped no harm came to the villagers. They didn’t ask for us coming into their homes and bringing the war with us.

I got out of the ship and met the sandy ground, turning to see Poe and BB-8 doing the same. BB-8 beeped something about liking the sand and for a few seconds, I simply enjoyed the sight of him rolling back and forth.

“Any idea what this guy looks like?” Poe asked, while closing the cockpit to the ship.

“Yeah, I met him once, it’s been a while though.” I replied, trying to steady my voice.

“Hey,” he said, stepping closer to me, “You good?”

I sighed, turned to Poe and said “I will be, as soon as we get the map and get the hell home.”

Poe smiled and grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently before nodding his head towards our destination,

“Then let’s go. If we make it back in time, I’ll take you for another flight.”

I squeezed back before letting go hesitantly, “Deal.”

We headed into the village with BB-8 close behind us. There were a few villagers up this early, already starting their day. We walked up to one of them who was already walking towards us,

“May I help you?”

”Yes,” I began, “We’re looking for Lor San Tekka.”

The man nodded and gestured for us to follow him, he began leading us towards one of the many tents.

“BB-8, stay outside and keep watch.” Poe ordered as his droid beeped his confirmation. The villager pushed back the flap of the tent and Poe and I entered to be greeted by a white haired man,

“Commander, welcome.”

Poe shook his hand, “Sir, it’s an honor.”

Lor San Tekka turned to me and smiled, “Commander Solo, it is wonderful to see you again.”

He wrapped me in a warm hug, “It’s been too long, I’m glad to see you’re well.”

“Come,” he invited us, “Sit.”

Poe and I both took seats next to a firepit that was burning as Lor sat opposite us,

“We must be quick, time is a luxury that cannot be afforded dring war.”

He reached into his robes, pulled out a small leather sack and handed it to Poe. I breathed a visible sigh of relief, we’d actually gotten it. I could practically hear my mother’s sigh of relief as Poe and I handed the drive to her.

“This will begin to make things right,” Lor said, covering Poe’s hand with his other, “I've traveled too far, and seen too much, to ignore the despair in the galaxy. Without the Jedi, there can be no balance in the Force.”

I nodded solemnly, though the word ‘Jedi’ always made me tense up. As far as Force users went there were the Sith, there were the Jedi and then there was me. I didn’t fit either of those titles.

“Well, because of you now we have a chance. The General's been after this for a long time.” Poe replied, holding the sack up with a confident smile.

“‘The General.’” Lor repeated with a knowing grin, “To me, she's royalty.”

“That she is, sir. On behalf of her and the entire Resistance, thank you for helping us.” I stated.

Before any of us could open our mouths, BB-8 came bursting into the tent beeping frantically,

First Order, they’re coming!

I turned to Poe, the same worried expression on my face was mirrored on his. He looked to Lor San Tekka,

“We’ve got company.”

The three of us raced outside, Poe raising a pair of quadnoculars he had around his neck to the sky. He didn’t need them, I could see the lights of enemy ships approaching us.

“You have to hide.” Poe said to Lor, we turned to him in unison and I reached out to touch his arm,

“If the First Order finds out that it was you who gave us the map, unimaginable horrors await you.”

“Commander, I knew the risks when I got in contact with the General. You have to leave. Go!”

Poe looked to me, conflicted about leaving him there to probably die, but knowing what would happen if we didn’t get the drive back.

I nodded to Poe before turning to Lor, “Thank you.”

He pushed my hand off his arm and me, Poe and BB-8 ran like hell towards our ships. They were parked behind a few large rocks so we had a bit of covering, though not much. The transports were already landing in the village and I could hear blaster fire ringing through the air. The distant sounds of Stormtroopers calling orders out caused us to run faster.

“Come on, BB-8! Hurry!” Poe yelled as we made it to our ships.

“We gotta haul ass,” I exclaimed as I opened the cockpit and jumped in. I powered it up and looked over to Poe and BB -8 who were doing the same. My stomach was churning at the thought of not making it out alive with the drive in hand. That was not an option.

Suddenly, I felt a blast hit my ship and throw me forward a little. 

“Shit!”

I jumped out of the cockpit and kept low, running to the back of the ship and examining the damage.

It was completely fried.

“You too?” Poe yelled over, in the same position I was in. BB-8 had already gotten out of his spot in the X-Wing and was by Poe. A shot was fired in between us and two Stomtroopers came charging toward us. Poe and I raised our blasters and took them on with one fatal shot each.

“What do we do?” I asked, running different scenarios through my head as I could tell Poe was as well. “Poe, we have to get out of here!”

”No,” he replied, taking my hand and pressing the drive into it, “You have to.”

My eyes widened as I processed what he meant, “What?!”

”Take BB-8 and get out of here, someone needs to get that map back to base. I’m gonna stay and take out as many as I can.”

“You’re insane if you think I’m leaving you here. You’re coming with us!”

“Y/n, I can’t leave the village helpless like this,” Poe said, gesturing to the village that had now caught on fire. The villagers screams could be heard for miles, I had the same urge to stay and defend them.

“Then send BB-8, I’m staying with you!’ I pushed, panic rising in my body at the thought of leaving Poe behind.

“NO! I won’t let anything happen to you, and that means you getting as far away from here as possible!” Poe yelled, desperation flooding his voice.

Tears flooded my eyes, I knew I wouldn’t be able to argue with him. He wouldn’t let me, just like he wouldn’t let any harm come to me. I reached up to touch his cheek, he leaned into my touch, shutting his eyes at the contact. His lips brushed my palm, sending a chill down my spine. He pulled me in by the back of my neck to press his forehead against mine. We stood there only for a brief second, but I wished with everything in me we could have stayed like that forever. He pulled back and wiped a stray tear from my face,

“I’ll come back for you, I promise.”

I nodded with a small sob as he bent down to talk to BB-8,

“You keep her safe, you hear me? You keep her and the drive safe.”

BB-8 beeped an ‘I will’ and rolled himself to my side, looking up at me.

Poe turned to me and his mouth opened to say something, when another ship began to land near the other transports.

My blood went cold. My heart began to race. It was like the entire world froze.

My brother was here.

Poe knew only one person in the galaxy could make me freeze like that,

“Y/n, get out of here now!”

”No, Poe, if he’s here I can’t leave you! Don’t make me leave you!” I shouted, grabbing onto his arms and trying to pull him the direction BB-8 and I would head.

“Y/n,” he took hold of my arms, “Get out of here right now, that’s an order!”

I sobbed and knew he wasn’t going to back down now. I had no choice but to leave him behind. BB-8 beeped at me and I looked down at him, knowing that we needed to go now or else we didn’t stand a chance.

Meeting Poe’s chocolate brown eyes, filled with tears of his own, I hesitantly let go of him and took off running with BB-8. I couldn’t look back at him or else I knew I’d do the exact thing my mother had been afraid I’d do. All I could do was weep as we ran through the sand, clinging to the sack containing the only shred of hope I had in the moment.

I didn’t know how long we’d been running, or rolling, but it seemed like nobody was trailing us. At some point I stopped and took a minute to catch my breath. Sitting down in the sand, I began crying again. Not only had I left Poe on his own when I should have just told him to screw himself and stayed, but my brother had arrived. What would happen if Poe was caught? What if he was captured? I knew what the First Order could do, but worse, I knew what my brother was capable of.

BB-8 rolled next to me and hesitantly bumped against my leg,

Do you think Poe will be okay?

I put a hand on the droid’s body and drew him to my side,

”Yeah, he will. Somehow.”

After a moment of wallowing in my fears, I dried my eyes and stood up. Until Poe rejoined us, it was up to the two of us to get the map back to base safely, and I wasn’t going to let the Resistance down. I wasn’t going to let Poe down either.

“C’mon, Bee. We’ve got a long day ahead of us.”

—————

A/N: Don’t hate me for the angst 🙈 Unfortunately we won’t be seeing Poe for a while, but he’ll still be present between BB-8 and the Reader’s conversations.

As far as updates go, I’ll still try for one a week but a family member of mine has just been diagnosed with cancer. I’m having a hard time with it so I may a couple days late with updates. As always, let me know if you want to be tagged!

Taglist: @m1rkw00dpr1ncess @springfox04 @constantdisgrace @holybatflapexpert @seninjakitey @tammythompson-singslikea-muppet @leilei-draws @eternal-fandoms @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @imaginecrushes

[rissynicole]

Any suggestions for writing dialogues? I mean, when it comes to punctuations and actions the characters perform.

Okay, this ask has been in my inbox for months at this point, and I've been saving it because 1) I wanted to write something meaningful and 2) I didn't know what I could write that hasn't already been said ad nauseam by other writers. I still don't know if anything I say will be particularly groundbreaking, but I'll try to be helpful. Keep in mind, I'm a young writer, myself. I'm still learning new things every day, and I'm far from a guru in the field.

This got long, so I’m going to put it under the cut:

The first thing I did was ask my mother this question, because I was interested in hearing her answer. She doesn't write fiction, herself, but she has been in the editing game for 30 some-odd years. She edits fiction for Harper Collins Publishing and has an eye for these things. However, her answer to this was very plain and simple. 

She said, "All editing and punctuation exists to serve one key purpose: to not confuse the reader."

As far as grammar goes, that's the main goal. I was looking for something a little more hard and fast--some sort of rule in a style guide--and y'know, I'm sure there is a rule out there. But in a fairly fluid world of fiction writing and "rules are meant to be broken" mentalities, the most important thing to heed is the comprehension of your reader. As soon as you’ve confused your reader, you’ve made a mistake. Not a failure--but a mistake that needs to be fixed. I’ve made them; I’ve fixed them. Dialogue can be a particularly tricky area, because it’s like a minefield for these mistakes. 

I’ll add an example of my dialogue and break it down a little bit:

‘“Soldier?’ Red said, interrupting the beginning of another gushing tirade.

Larb's grin faded a bit around the edges as he glanced up. ‘…Yes?’

‘Just remember: you're walking a very thin line.’

His eyes dropped back down to the controls. ‘Yes, my Tallest… It won't happen again.’”

First and foremost, it should be clear who is speaking. I help this along by making sure the characters’ actions are in the same paragraph as their speech. It keeps it more comprehensive. Otherwise, it would read like this: 

‘“Soldier?’ Red said, interrupting the beginning of another gushing tirade.

Larb's grin faded a bit around the edges as he glanced up. 

‘…Yes?’

‘Just remember: you're walking a very thin line.’

His eyes dropped back down to the controls. 

‘Yes, my Tallest… It won't happen again.’”

Not completely indecipherable, but distracting enough to make the reader re-read it a few times. As far as formatting goes, it’s also not very pretty. Now, I’m not perfect with this. In fact, I still need to go through Parade and reformat some sections that might read like the above. However, it is a readability rule that I’m trying to follow more closely. 

Another difficulty with ensuring you’re making it clear who’s speaking can be the use of pronouns. I’ll be the first to admit, writing with multiple characters who all use the same pronouns can be incredibly difficult. You can’t always just use “he said” as a tag. It’s too easy to hit a snag where the reader gets confused and doesn’t know who “he” is. 

‘“Soldier?’ he said, interrupting the beginning of another gushing tirade.

His grin faded a bit around the edges as he glanced up. ‘…Yes?’

‘Just remember: you're walking a very thin line.’

His eyes dropped back down to the controls. ‘Yes, my Tallest… It won't happen again.’”

Sure, maybe this short passage isn’t so bad; It’s still fairly clear who’s speaking. But imagine if the entire book was that way: three, maybe four characters in the same room who all use he/his pronouns speaking without any further identification. It would get confusing and distracting. Lots of reading passages over again to try to decipher who is saying what and lots of frustration on the reader’s part. At the same time, always using the characters’ names can be tedious and unnecessary. Finding a good balance isn’t always easy, but it is worth it. 

The golden rule, for me, is exactly as my mother said: “Do not confuse the reader.”

Below, I’ll add some additional dialogue tips I have picked up:

Constantly adding a tag can get tedious. 

‘“Soldier?’ Red interrupted, cutting off the beginning of another gushing tirade.

Larb's grin faded a bit around the edges as he glanced up. ‘…Yes?’ he inquired.

‘Just remember: you're walking a very thin line,” Red replied.

His eyes dropped back down to the controls. ‘Yes, my Tallest… It won't happen again,’” he muttered. 

Sure, this makes sense. It’s clear who’s speaking. But it also doesn’t read as smoothly. Not to mention, the overabundance of different transitive verbs (interrupted, inquired, muttered), is stilted and almost mechanical in how the dialogue reads. Oftentimes, “said” is perfectly fine. Fun words like “muttered” and “interrupted” are great, too, but in moderation. Finding a happy medium can make all the difference. 

Sometimes, a tag isn’t necessary at all. 

This segues into my next piece of advice: it’s important to write dialogue in a way that still allows the reader to use their imagination. This is where I’ll go off on a bit of a rabbit trail, because this is something I’ve had to learn for myself recently. 

Put trust in your reader to make up their own mind on how dialogue is spoken

I recently finished reading On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King (which, regardless of your opinions on King, was a very helpful book. I enjoyed it a lot). In one passage, he tells the reader to imagine an orange sitting on a table. Just that. He doesn’t give any further details. There is a 100% chance that we are all going to see something different in our minds. We are going to imagine a different table, a different room, and maybe even a different orange.

Sometime, description helps. Sometimes, a carefully placed lack of description lets the reader make up their own mind and encourages imagination. This advice has served me well in writing dialogue. I know it’s a tired old saying in any writer’s workshop: “never use adverbs in dialogue!” And to be honest, I still believe there can be a time and a place. But relying heavily on adverbs doesn’t do anything for the reader, except maybe shoehorn them into a state where they have to re-read dialogue with the new inflection. 

‘“Soldier?’ Red said solemnly, interrupting the beginning of another gushing tirade.

Larb's grin faded a bit around the edges as he glanced up. ‘…Yes?’ he asked weakly. 

‘Just remember: you're walking a very thin line,” he replied sternly, in a flat monotone. 

His eyes dropped back down to the controls. ‘Yes, my Tallest… It won't happen again,’ he said lowly, almost inaudibly. 

Again, this feels stilted, and doesn’t really leave anything to the imagination. 

To better emphasize what I mean by this, I want to use a real example of it in action. (I hope you don’t mind, @sunnymelonpan!) Shortly after I read this advice and starting cutting down on over-describing dialogue and using adverbs, I wrote some IZ sickfic prompts. A friend of mine decided to draw up a comic based on one of them. This was not only incredibly flattering, but unexpectedly enlightening. I was able to see firsthand how other readers interpreted my dialogue. And lemme tell you, it wasn’t always exactly how I had envisioned it. 

Here’s some dialogue I wrote for the prompt in question:

“Dib swiped the thermometer from him and pushed his glasses up his nose while he read it. ‘That’s because it isn’t going down. Huh.’

‘S-some help y-y-you are,’ Zim sneered.

‘Hey, give me a break. I’m doing my best. This isn’t exactly how I wanted to spend my weekend.’

Dib’s outline rose to its full height in Zim’s dimmed living room. He disappeared into the kitchen with the thermometer, then returned with something else in his hands. Without any warning, he placed it onto Zim’s forehead, scowling at the death glare he received in return.”

When I wrote this, I personally imagined Dib acting and speaking in a sort of annoyed, deflated way. Like he wasn’t really taking Zim’s harsh words seriously. Just a sort of eye-roll “yeah, whatever, Zim,” demeanor.  That’s how I saw it. 

This is how Sunny saw it: 

In Sunny’s comic, Dib is genuinely angry. He gets annoyed, stands up, and actually berates Zim with these words. 

I never made it clear how Dib spoke this line. Some people might look at this and say I failed as a writer because I didn’t explicitly say that Dib’s line was more casual than angry. I disagree. I left it up to the reader to interpret it as they chose. And Sunny surprised me by interpreting it in a way that was different. Not wrong! Just different. I positively loved seeing Sunny’s interpretation of my prompt. It let me see my writing in the eyes of others; it showed me that I was able to describe scenes while still allowing my readers to use their imaginations. 

As a fiction writer, it is not my job to be a stagehand and tell the reader every minute detail of the scene I’m writing. Instead, it is my job to guide them through the story and allow them to envision parts of the story as they see fit. This is especially true with dialogue. 

So let’s go back to the original excerpt from Parade that I was using as an example: 

‘“Soldier?’ Red said, interrupting the beginning of another gushing tirade.

Larb's grin faded a bit around the edges as he glanced up. ‘…Yes?’

‘Just remember: you're walking a very thin line.’

His eyes dropped back down to the controls. ‘Yes, my Tallest… It won't happen again.’”

In this passage, I tried to apply all these rules: 

Make it clear who’s speaking.

Use tags sparingly. Sometimes, “said” works just fine.

Use adverbs sparingly and don’t fall over yourself trying to describe everything. 

The dialogue flows smoothly, it is clear who is speaking, and the reader can decide how it’s being spoken. Is Red angry? Impatient? Completely void of emotion in his words? Is Larb scared out of his wits? Trying to keep up a facade of bravery? Who knows! I sure don’t! I’m just the writer! It’s up to YOU to decide.

So... yeah! I know my advice wasn’t particularly groundbreaking, but I hope it was an interesting read, nonetheless. 

[watchinglikeafangirl]

I'm still not sure about "Golden Blood"...

Something makes me return every week but at the same time, it's not that good.

The acting is weird, like they are nervous on camera, so they have a hard time truly smiling and acting natural. I think the first time I saw Sky smile for real was when he laughed about that woman dropping something and I still believe this originally was an outtake.

The story is unclear. Yes, some guy wants to kill Sky but that's it. No drama, no nothing. Just a bunch of "cuteness" and "confusion" exchanged between Sun and Sky before they get back to letting the antagonist show up. What is the point here? Doesn't Sky's dad have other bodyguards? Why does Sun have to defeat him alone? But most importantly: Why isn't Sky shoked about hearing he has a secret step-brother? The only thing he was shoked about was Sun telling him his childhood was only surrounding around training.

The flirting is...cheesy but not in a good way. I'm just cringing a lot and when Sky started singing, I lost my patience. It wasn't that bad but was just very average. I didn't want to listen to another song containing many instagram lines glued together into a weird, "romantic" lyrics sung with vocals run over by a software.

This is mainly my problem with "Golden Blood": It could be so much better. The potential is definetly there and I can feel it, so I keep watching. The overall idea is not bad and the dialogue is fine but the acting coaches and writers didn't do a great job. Or at least, not the job they should've done, so "Golden Blood" would turn out so great, it would attact more fans. This way, fans lose their interest pretty quickly and it drowns until it's one with the water and flows away in silence.

[drawlfoy]

Honey, Honey

masterlist request guidelines requests are open! 

pairing: draco x reader

request: yes! hopefully you’re into this!

summary: reader is confused as to why draco suddenly pulled away from her after an..interesting night. loosely based off of my interpretation of ABBA’s Honey, Honey.

warnings: fluff, underage drinking, draco being a lightweight, me not knowing how to write drunk people because i’m a law abiding american woman, language, some blood mentions 

a/n: this is the very first song fic i’ve written, and i’m not going to do it the classic way they’re normally executed. i’m not a big fan of injecting the lyrics into dialogue or just pasting the lyrics into the space in between scenes. instead, i’m going to alter the lyrics to fit into certain moments of dialogue to aid the flow of the story. also i’ve never seen mamma mia so if i totally took this song out of context i’m sorry!

taglist: @accio-rogers

music recs: believe it or not i’m gonna rec honey, honey by ABBA and even writer in the dark from lorde, if you’re feeling rebellious

word count: 1,873

She’d known of the Slytherin for years and years, ever since she’d started at Hogwarts. How could she not have noticed him? He was notoriously skilled at drawing attention to himself--his uncommonly pale, shiny head did the job quite well.

Countless times, Y/N had watched him as he gracefully sat himself across from her at the table, shooting her a dazzling smile while still controlling his composure, appearing as nonchalant as ever. They’d toss a few words at each other, some to test the sparring waters, others to wish each other luck on the upcoming exam. Y/N could go as far to say that she was proud to be acquaintances with her crush, no matter how hopeless her feelings were.

And that’s why it was such a shock to see a very inebriated Draco Malfoy stumble about in her common room on a wild Friday night. He always made appearances at parties, maybe sipping a few drinks and playing a classic game of Truth or Dare, but never getting drunk enough to lose his cool, unbothered image. 

Y/N watched from the dark green leather couch, nursing a still-full cup of firewhiskey while her legs were tucked up under herself. While it was concerning, she couldn’t deny that it was at least a little humorous. Draco Malfoy didn’t stumble, he glided from place to place on his swanky, custom-made dress shoes.

She glanced down at her drink for a second, looking up only when she heard the unorganized shuffling of feet in front of her. 

“Hey, Draco,” she greeted the blonde, smiling up at him.  “What’s up?”

He didn’t say anything, choosing to look down at her with his mouth agape instead.

“Do I have something on my face? Or...” She furrowed her eyebrows.

“Can I sit?” he managed, only slightly slurring his words. Y/N thanked Merlin that the party had mostly cleared out by now, each member having returned to their respective dorms, otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to make out his words. 

“Yes, yes, do you need help?” Y/N unfolded her legs, positioning herself to aid his way down. He raised a hand to block her in protest, heavily flopping down on the couch.

“Hey, that’s my spot!” she complained, placing her drink on the coffee table and shooting him an exaggerated frown.

“Still could be,” he muttered, opening his arms up as an invitation. 

Y/N blushed furiously, choosing to sit down next to the blonde boy instead of on top of him. 

“So, what’s going on? I’ve never seen you this drunk before.” Y/N had a feeling that she had no business pressing the issue, but she couldn’t help but be curious.

As expected, he rolled his eyes and evaded meeting hers. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Why’d you come over here then?”

“’Cause I’m lonely and I like you,” he grumbled, his posh accent lost on the lazy words coming out of his mouth. 

Y/N’s eyes widened. “You...what?”

“I’m lonely? Yeah, not sure if you noticed, but all my friends left,” he complained, leaning over so his now ruffled hair brushed against her cheek for the briefest of moments.

“You know that’s not what I was asking about,” Y/N said, focusing all her energy on not letting too much excitement into her voice. 

“Then ask me the question, I don’t have all day,” he said. Before Y/N could begin formulating a coherent answer, he leaned into her so her side was now holding up his upper body.

“Draco, you’re acting weird,” she noted, observing the flush on his cheeks that was visible, even in the dim lighting up the common room. “How much have you had?”

“You’re evading the question, Y/N,” he taunted, his cheek rubbing across her shoulder. Who knew Draco would be such a cuddly drunk?

“You like me?” The words blurted out before she lost the confidence to do so. 

“We talk every morning,” he told her, turning his head up to be level with her ear. Each inhale and exhale made from Draco sent shivers down her spine, and she fought to keep them at bay. “You really think I would do that if I disliked you?”

As one of his hands began to fiddle with the sleeve of her jumper, another wave of courage hit her. 

“But do you fancy me?”

She didn’t know what she was expecting--perhaps for him to freeze, pull away, to get up and sneer at her--but he didn’t do anything she could’ve thought of.

Draco was suddenly wrapped around her arm, drawing circles on the bare skin that had been exposed and still resting his cheek on her shoulder. 

“Don’t be daft,” he murmured. “How could I not.”

This time it was Y/N whose body grew rigid. “Oh.”

“I don’t think I was supposed to tell you that,” he confessed, his own fingers ceasing movement. “Yeah. I really wasn’t supposed to tell you. Forget I ever said anything.” 

Draco seemed to sober up, leaning away from her and releasing her arm. Y/N watched in shock as he got up to walk away.

“Wait!” Her hand shot out to grab his own, keeping him from moving any further. “Please don’t go. I lik--fancy you, too.”

He turned to face her, a bittersweet expression swallowing his elegant features. Within seconds, he was kneeling in front of her, his face level with hers. He took her face in his hands, a gesture he did so tenderly that tears pricked in her eyes. 

Their lips met, and Y/N felt her heart stop.

He pulled away after just a few seconds, meeting her eyes with a pleading look.

“I know.” His thumb dragged across her cheekbone, lingering there for a second before he finally moved away, leaving Y/N to try and decipher his actions. 

oOo (oooh that’s right, i’m changing up my scene breaks because even tho the hearts looked cute on desktop they looked ugly on mobile and i love you guys too much to do that)

After that night, Y/N began seeing much less of Draco. His unassigned assigned seat moved down to the very end of the Slytherin table, leaving her with Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode to converse with. He no longer showed up to dorm parties, and she often saw him coming and going out of the common room at odd hours. 

She couldn’t exactly understand what was going on with him. Sure, she’d heard the rumors of him being a Death Eater, but she couldn’t imagine that being the case. Draco was too young, too sweet to accept such a thing.

Perhaps he was just avoiding her. Y/N was somewhat flattered that she may have had such an impact on his life, but she was also deeply hurt. She missed having someone to bitch with at every meal, as silly as it sounded. And she didn’t think that she was that bad of a kisser. 

Y/N let herself believe that it was just the courseload. 6th year was a difficult time for every student, and Draco was no exception. His parents expected too much out of him, and while she understood their motives, she couldn’t help but pity him. 

She was at a pained peace for the next few months as she attempted to forget about the night in the common room and how sweetly he treated her. Unfortunately, her introspection was interrupted one winter afternoon when she saw Snape helping a certain blonde Slytherin to the hospital wing. His white dress shirt was bloodied, and Y/N couldn’t help but yelp at the sight. 

“Miss Y/L/N,” Snape greeted briskly. She saw Draco’s head bob up in recognition. “I trust that nobody will be hearing about what you’re seeing from you.”

It was an order and an underhanded request for her to leave them be, but Draco mattered to her, and now she was certain that something wasn’t right. There was no way this was just coursework. 

“What happened to him?” she shrilled, wincing at her voice. 

“Nothing to see, Y/L/N,” Snape affirmed, walking past her and shooting her a dangerous look. “I’d hate to take any house points away.”

She stood with her mouth hanging open, frozen in shock. “You can’t be serious! He’s hurt!”

“How kind of you to inform me,” Snape snapped. “Run along, or detention for a month.” 

Her eyes widened and she dashed off, embarrassed that she could be bought off with the mention of detentions. But, at the same time, she knew that all she had to do was wait, wait for Snape to leave him be. Madame Pomfrey had a soft spot for Y/N, and she would most likely allow her to see him. 

oOo

“I really don’t think a visitor is what he needs right now,” Madame Pomfrey stated, wringing out bloodied rags and reshuffling bottles of Dittany. 

“Please, please, I promise I won’t do anything to upset or fatigue him,” Y/N pleaded, meeting the woman with her most convincing look. “I’ve been so worried about him, and he’s my friend. I brought him the homework from today.”

Madame Pomfrey studied her for a moment.

“Fine. Leave the curtain open, though, and if I say you need to leave, you need to leave.”

Y/N grinned, restraining the urge to jump with joy. “Thank you! Thank you!”

Pomfrey shooed her off, pointing her in the general direction of where Draco lay. She strode over, opening the curtain and sitting in the chair by the bed.

Draco was deathly pale, even more than usual. His eyelashes were closed, casting faint shadows on his very prominent purple eyebags. Even though he looked sickly, his hair looked as soft as ever.

“Draco,” she said softly, reaching her hand out to touch his. He jerked awake, he eyes snapping open and focusing on her.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” he hissed. He tried to sit up but groaned, laying back down after the pain hit him. 

“I had to come see you,” she admitted, stroking up and down his arm. “I’ve been worried about you. I miss you. Did I do something?”

He blinked hard. 

“No, no, this has nothing to do with you.” He flinched at the dismissive tone, but he didn’t know what else to say. “You’ve heard the rumors. Things are getting strange and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Get hurt?” She wrapped her fingers around his arm, noticing how tense he became. “I can take care of myself, and I really, really like you, and I wish you’d stop avoiding me.”

Draco shut his eyes, falling back onto his pillow so he was looking up at the ceiling.

“You’re gonna be the death of me.”

“There’s nothing else I’d rather be, Draco,” she quipped, releasing his arm to intertwine his fingers with hers. 

He shuddered, thinking for a few moments. 

“Okay? You’ll stop avoiding me?” she asked hopefully, making to leave.

“As long as you stay here a little longer, I could use the company.” He smirked at her, peering through his eyelashes.

“Of course,” she agreed, setting her things down and sitting again. Y/N moved the chair closer to the the top of the bed, carding her fingers through his hair as he shut his eyes, finally content. 

final a/n: i was gonna go for adding song lyrics at the end but i was like uhhhh better not. did not edit or get a beta to read this. if you’re just dying to be a beta reader let me know since my grammatical errors from lazy writing are getting out of hand haha. thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!

[heli0s-writes]

What’s your advice for starting writers to create organic dialogue? Dialogue that flows with the moment, especially for writers who want to do a series?

Hey there! Hm. I like to imagine the scenario and think about how I might talk-- to friends, family, during an argument, apology, confession, etc. I hardly ever speak in complete, whole, subject-predicate sentences without stuttering/pausing etc. Sorry, this is a long reply!

Example:

In the morning, she met him for coffee. “Hey, thank you for getting my drink. I really appreciate it. How have you been lately? It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.” She said.

“You’re welcome! And I’ve been really well. I got a new job and I’m thinking about moving out of my parents’ house. I hate it there because they still enforce curfew! Can you believe it? I’m twenty-three years old and my parents treat me like I’m sixteen!” He replies.

She shakes her head in disbelief. “Wow, that really is ridiculous. I hope you find a new place soon. There are a few open one-bedrooms in my complex if you’re interested in checking those out today.”

This is a realistic conversation, but it’s a little clunky and you don’t get much of anything else. I might do something like this-- breaking up blocks of speech with bits of the scene and cutting out unnecessary phrases:

In the morning, she met him for coffee. “Hey,” a raise of the steaming cardboard cup, “Thanks for getting my drink, I appreciate it. How’ve you been?”

“Well,” He shrugs, stirring tea, mixing the drizzle of honey squeezed on top, “I recently got a new job-- sucks, but I gotta move out-- my parents are driving me nuts.” A pinch to his nose bridge and he snaps the lid back on, frustrated at the very thought. “They still enforce curfew. I’m twenty-three. Like, are you kidding me?” 

“Huh. You know what, some units at my place opened up. Wanna check ‘em out?”

His eyes widen-- surprised, then grateful. Hell yes, he does.

There’s organic pauses in conversation and you’re still moving and doing stuff, so try to add some of that in to flesh out the scene. Series works allow writers a bit more room to work with because they’re longer-- I’ve written a massive chunk of dialogue in a chapter of something; it was a huge apology, involving rambling and repetition of phrases-- but some apologies are like that.

Be mindful of how much of it you write. Yes, make it sound natural, but not everything has to be said “out loud” or addressed (like, he didn’t respond to her thanking him for the drink-- sometimes this happens. he might have not heard it, maybe too focused on when she asked how he’s been doing, etc). 

This is a pretty thorough article if you have the time to read it. 

I hope that helps! As always, read a lot. Read different genres, different writing styles, old books, new books, fanfiction you might not normally. It’s helpful to be exposed to a wide range!

[thesunnyshow]

EPISODE 5: MINA

Writing Blog URL(s): @jaemina00​

Name: Mina 

Age: 20 

Nationality: British 

Languages: English, Bengali 

Star Sign: pisces  

MBTI: INFP-T

What fandom(s) do you write for?

NCTzens 

When did you post your first piece?

This year back in late May or early June 

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why?

Mostly fluff because I'm a sucker for the way your heart can literally ache in your chest but also angst because it also causes such strong emotions. 

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc?

All X Readers so far 

Why did you start writing on Tumblr?

It started really as just a pass by of time, I love creative writing and kpop so it just seemed the best way to cross them. I was incredibly bored due to quarantine and thought it was a good way to enjoy myself and not let my brain rot away but I surely fell in love with it. 

What inspires you to write?

Any moment really. Late night thoughts or just the people I'm surrounded with. Music I think is especially great because it allows you to feel emotions without actually having to go through the experience and scenarios and then you can write based on how you felt those emotions through the song. 

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most?

Like I said before I really like fluff, recently I've been more interested in AUs like reincarnation and a lot of psychological beliefs as well as mythology and the supernatural.

What do you hope your readers take away from your work?

Feeling. Whether it's a feeling of happiness that made their heart swoon or the aching of sadness, I hope my reader just feel through my writing. 

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively?

I take a break and step back from my writing. Sometime, being so stuck in your mind makes it much harder to write. So I stop writing for as many days as it takes for the ideas and the flow to comeback to me naturally and without being pushed. In this time I usually try to find inspiration from music and other stories. 

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful?

As of right now I really like 'Love Me Now' and 'Nighthawk'. Love me now is based off NCT 127's song and I loved how I just wrote what I felt in the exact moment I was listening to it, it holds a special space in my heart for that. I also love nighthawk because of how  stuck I was with it. I was planning and drafting it for the longest time and everytime hating what I've written and restarting, so I have some pride in now finally actually liking what I've written. Most successful however is 'Firsts' I do love it but because it's of the first ones I wrote so there is a slight cringe to it now. 

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose?

The only difference I see is that when writing fanfiction you have a name and a face to go with it however everything else is the same. You have to come up with how the characters are presented, what's their dynamic, what's the storyline and how it's going to be presented. You still have to showcase emotion, action and dialogue as well as everything in between.

What do you think makes a good story?

A story that has you engaged and feeling something. Like it makes you almost sad that you've finished it and makes you want to come back to read it again. 

What is your writing process like?

It varies it can be like  have an idea I make a plan on how I want the story to progress and how I want it to end, I try to think of how I want my characters to be portrayed to my reader and how the dynamic between characters is. Then I write multiple drafts and slowly eliminate based off which one I hate and which ones I like until I'm left with the best one and then I reread and either add or remove bits and go over grammar and spelling. Or I just go with the flow, honestly it's a process of cutting and writing again and again until I'm somewhat satisfied. 

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story?

I don't think any of my fics are good enough to be the basis of a story and I most definitely don't think I couldn't write a full original story. 

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand?

Honestly I think every trope is okay if it's well executed and well written. Even tropes that are classified as clichés are nice to read when the writing style is engaging. 

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you?

It means a lot because it allows room for growth and development. I really just want to know how I can become better what people like so I know what is successful and what isn't. 

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)?

The fact that I like what I've written? I don't know but I think that it's important and I'm just glad that I do. In fact I kind of find that alone to be a success.

Favorite color: It changes but as of now pastels and especially yellow 

Favorite food: literally any food 

Favorite movie: The green book 

Favorite ice cream flavor: Chocolate 

Favorite animal: Giraffe 

Go-to karaoke song: Can't sing for my life :/

Dream job (whether you have a job or not): I'm studying law right now so the end goal is hopefully in human rights

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering?

Iced Americano or Mocha frappe

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose?

Teleportation I think is really cool, just imagine being able to go anywhere in the world in the span of a few Milliseconds.

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose?

Probably the 20th Century, just seeing the world go through both world wars, the cold War, Vietnam and so many other political problems going on as well as so many revolutions both industrial and literal is both scary and such an exciting time to be alive. 

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you?

I think it's fun not knowing everything, it's definitely scary but there's an exciting buzz to it also I don't think me restarting life with what I know now would make a difference. 

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken?

I don't think I could fight one chicken sized horse let alone 100 but I most definitely can't fight a horse sized chicken. First of all, that's a big chicken and second, chickens are actually very fiesty. So I have to go with 100 chicken-sized horses. 

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been?

Probably the main characters best friend who judges every stupid decision they make and making it clear with lots of sarcastic comments but is their nevertheless fully supporting them to do more stupid and impulsive things. 

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures?

Yess!! I find it almost impossible that we are the only intelligence in this much bigger universe. We are just mere specs and there has to be another form of intelligence out there. 

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? 

I can fold my tongue in a three leaved clover? Lmao

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged?

Yes! Just because it's based on someone in real life and isn't conventional story writing people expect it to be bad but actually there are so many amazing authors who write so many unique fanfictions. People also only expect it to be plotless but it's far from that. 

Do you think art can be a medium for change?

Definitely, I think art is a great medium for change. It can really play with someone's emotions and really open their eyes to new perspectives and wider horizons. Art can really change a person's ideologies on just about anything. It's powerful and allows people to find themselves as well as get lost in a world you've created. 

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself?

I don't think I've come to a point like that yet, I enjoy writing so far and maybe it's because I'm fairly new that I haven't experienced this yet. 

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times?

No I haven't but again I haven't written much or for long. 

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr?

Yes and actually depending on how I feel about a certain piece I let them read it and ask about what they think. 

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers?

I hope you find some comfort or even happiness in my writing, I hope it made you smile or put you in your feels and you just overall find it enjoyable. Also don't be afraid to talk to me or send asks!!

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there?

Just go for it! If you like what you've written then others are bound to like it, as cliché as that sounds it's true. At the end of the day if you love writing, it'll show in your work and others will fall in love with it too.

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr?

So far no. I've had a very pleasant experience with reading other people's amazing work as well as writing my own.

Pick a quote to end your interview with:

 “Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” - Thomas Merton.

BONUS: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL

Interested in your very own episode of The Sunny Show? Find out how to apply here.

[vroenis]

The 2019 Charlie’s Angels Reboot Was A Good Project & Deserved More Respect From Hollywood

We’ve just finished watching the film and there was a lot both J and I really enjoyed about it. We’re critical of media and art in different ways and I certainly don’t speak for them, as for me, oddly I’m lenient in ways that they probably aren’t when it comes to production and culture. I don’t have to dive too deeply into the cultural response to this picture to know how it went down, I’ve come into contact with just enough of it to have a clear understanding of the popular digest. The response is not at all unexpected, it’s just uninformed.

I feel that the 2019 (year of publishing) Charlie’s Angels reboot was a good project with a wonderful spirit. Elizabeth Banks’ aims were clearly evident in the final product, however it may have been shaped along the way, and that it was under-served in the production process likely from the very beginning.

This casting is fantastic.

I do wish there were better cast-ensemble promos for me to lift from the internet and wonder whether that’s another telltale sign of production or whether the heat has just faded since release and they’ve just dropped out of the archives but I struggled to find well composed images.

The first short sizzle-teaser I ever saw for the film, I thought was quite good. Neckbeards and mouthbreathers won’t have paused for a second thought before launching hate for the project - anything in the most vague proximity of feminism or empowerment of women, or even simply just not being centred around men - will be enough to bring snide internet snark by the truckload. It remains interesting that men continue to struggle to live in a world where there can be things that also exist that are not for them, they cannot simply let these other things also exist without contributing in some way. As it were, the project looked good. Sharp, clever, playful, and a timely reboot reclaimed in the most contemporary way. When I looked up the production details and found out Banks was championing it herself, I really took an interest in it. As the first full trailers released, the casting looked great - genuinely diverse and with real chemistry, I hoped it would find the audience it was looking for.

J and I have had a lot going on in our lives over the last two years and still do. We’ve gone to theatres I think twice in that whole time, maybe three times and I think two of those were gift certificates generously paid for by family. So tonight we finally got around to watching Charlie’s Angels. If we’d seen this in theatres, I’d have still be satisfied and had the same evaluation.

A production budget of $55 million is low-balling a project of this scope; 

There seems to have been a bit of pre-production shuffling and Banks did a lot of wrangling herself early on. 

The whole shoot front to back was just over two months and I assume three countries, US/or studio inclusive. 

CGI is noticeably subpar but not exactly cheap either, so it still would have cost a significant portion of that prod. budget. When I say subpar, the CG in this film isn’t bad, please don’t take that criticism as overly negative of the CG artists’ work - remember that people do the best they can with the time and money they’re afforded. If you want to understand what that’s all about, I encourage you to watch Corridor Crew’s channel on YouTube.

Combat choreography with principle actors isn’t great, there’s far too much editing but again, I’m betting there wasn’t a whole lot of money and thus time for training and rehearsing for them, so combat is noticeably slow. 

2nd Unit photography looked very good because this kind of thing is very old-school Hollywood in that it contributes to what makes an action/spy movie look like one. Unfortunately, that means it was also expensive. We’re really running out of money here...

There is a lot of licensed music in this feature which isn’t cheap at all. Again this feels super old-school Hollywood and definitely demographic targeting, but it firmly timestamps the feature - any film, really - and unless your film is about capturing the essence of the time IT WAS THE 80′s! or FOLK FESTIVALS JUST BEFORE COVID BROKE OUT as an example of not necessarily wanting to capture the past, I really think trying to nail down pop songs of the hot present ultimately does your film a disservice.

And I’ll address that one first because I feel like it may have been one of the easiest changes to make to lift the overall quality of the picture. Instead of burning thru an immense amount of budget on a pile of pop licenses, I think a calculated risk could have been taken in getting a young contemporary musician to create a slick electronic score in its entirety to back it along side the generic orchestral action fare, no disrespect to Brian Tyler. To be honest, Tyler probably could have done it all himself but was also probably just writing to spec. BUT HEY... WHY NOT SCOUT FOR ANY NUMBER OF AMAZING WOMEN OUT THERE WHO ARE PHENOMENAL ELECTRONIC MUSICIANS AND PRODUCERS what am I talking about it’s Hollywood...

This is what I mean by the project deserving more respect and being under-served. Hollywood doesn’t believe in projects like this, they don’t realise what the project is and why it needs frontier, sincere, good faith hiring and instead under-funds but funds it nevertheless SEE? WE FUNDED IT, WE DID THE GOOD THING, SEE US SUPPORTING THE WIMMINS? WE’RE NOT  SEXISTS YOU CAN’T SAY WE’RE SEXISTS YOU CAN HAVE YOUR FILM oh it didn’t do very well except we didn’t let you make it the way you wanted to make it, we still shackled you to 

THE SAME TERRIBLE HOLLYWOOD TRADITIONS THAT, BY THE WAY, ARE FAILING OUR MANLY MAN MOVIES FULL OF MEN HOLY SHIT THE DEBT-RECOVERY CYCLE IS REALLY DOING A NUMBER ON OUR INVESTORS I SURE HOPE WE DON’T HAVE TOO MANY CONSECUTIVE FAILURES OR, SAY, SOME KIND OF GLOBAL CATASTROPHIC AND/OR ECONOMIC EVENT HAND-WRINGING

ahem where was I

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross provided the entire soundtrack for The Social Network and it’s both fantastic and timeless. OK oranges and refrigerators, but the principle still stands - I get the intent of Charlie’s Angels was a summer blockbuster but it would have still been elevated by being all the more slick having its own identity in music, having its own sound. You want that soundtrack by that amazing young woman because it sounds fucken awesome.

Charlie’s Angels still needed a few passes by a dialogue editor. I say that a lot. I know my standards are high and it’s a Hollywood film. There’s no problem at all with the vernacular, idioms and the casual language, that was all fine. It’s always just the little details - again, it’s always time and money which - really is just money. A good dialogue editor or script supervisor might have been able to just elevate this whole thing to that super-smooth level of flowing just right. Or perhaps if the actors had spent more time in training and combat rehearsal together, they’d have riffed better and improvised more. They still have good on-screen chemistry but again, more time - more money for time - and things improve.

If you don’t know my taste in film, you could see if you recognise anything in the Film Notes page of this journal, but it’s totally OK if you don’t. Basically most of them are long and boring, with super long takes of people not saying or doing much. I still love Hollywood films tho - I love all cinema and I’ll repeat like a broken record, I should either add a section to Film Notes of my favourite blockbusters or create a page for them. Anyway - Charlie’s Angels still has too much editing mostly due to the aforementioned combat, but also because of that good old Hollywood formulaic style-guide. It’s easy to look up the production credits and pluck out names but on a project like this, it’s difficult to pin the end result on the roles themselves. In these cases, personnel like editors are more like daily jobs rather than creative contributors which again is an immense shame. I catch myself before saying “It doesn’t have to be a Malick/Shortland/Lynch project...” but why not? Why can’t a summer blockbuster have its own fantastic identity? General audiences can identify Michael Bay and Christopher Nolan - sure, one or perhaps both of these people take themselves far too seriously, but why not let a project have its own identity?

We run back into the conversation of protecting investments and style guides.

The easy answer to Bay and Nolan is they’re men, but they’ve also had time to prove their worth over time with previous work and track record. Because they’ve had the privilege to do so. Because they’re men. And most of the people making decisions and letting them experiment and sometimes fail to recover investment on their projects and hey, don’t worry, just try again, are men - and they were permitted to try again because they were themselves men.

Whether individual men do or don’t deserve whatever they did or didn’t get, I’m not here to discuss. Many of them definitely didn’t and I can’t change it.

What we should be changing is how we finance, how we empower and how we hand over autonomy of projects to women in cinema, in the arts - in professional life, in any industry.

YOU DON’T KNOW THE DETAILS OF THIS PROJECT

So. Fucking. What.

I can make educated guesses and I can support as much as possible as fair and equitable an arts industry wherever I engage with it.

I really liked Charlie’s Angels. It had a lot of heart. It had a wonderful sense of play and sass and smarts. Yes, a few too many “why didn’t they just shoot the bad guy” moments etc. - again - script reviews, better writers, more time...

More money.

More respect from an industry that doesn’t respect women and women’s autonomy; social, professional, in all aspects.

I hope Elizabeth Banks wants to make another one, can raise the finances for it and has even more control of the next project. More power to her.

[tacitwhisky]

Sansa Stone: Story Autopsy

Photo Credit: Sophie Starke

Sansa Stone is a little unusual as a story as I had the whole thing outlined, and even released the outline, before I started writing it. As such I thought it would be fun to go through the original outline and look out how and why it changed in the actual writing. I love reading this kind of thing when other writers do it, and there’s nothing writers like more than talking about themselves. It also just helps me think through my decisions and hopefully become a better writer.

Note that this will only really make sense if you've already read the story. Which you really should, I'm quite good at writing. You can also find the original outline I released and will be quoting here. The original prompt was:

Sansa really is born as petyr baelish’s bastard, who he persuades Robert to legitimize and raises from a toddler as his heir. Sansa somehow meets Jon and falls like an avalanche. bonus points if she gets daddy to help her marry jon.

The idea of Sansa as Petyr’s true bastard immediately clicked with me and got me thinking how it would’ve shaped Sansa: in canon she’s at the top of the social ladder and by the time she becomes Alayne her personality is already set. How does it change if she’s been shaped since she was a child with the stigma attached to bastards in westeros? That ended up being such an interesting idea to me that I kind of forgot the part about Robert legitimizing her. That’s kind of how prompts and ideas work sometimes; you pursue the parts that speak to you and discard the parts that don’t.

In canon Petyr actually did have a bastard with Lysa Tully, but it was aborted by her father. For this AU let’s assume that child wasn’t aborted and Petyr took her after she was born, though no one but him and Lysa know her true parentage. It explains why this Sansa has red hair and the Tully look. He names her Sansa after one of Catelyn’s favorite songs because he is a massive creep, and also Stone because he says she was born in the Vale (but mostly because to me Sansa Stone sounds a lot better than Sansa Rivers).

This seemed like a really tidy and neat way of making the premise work, and also opens up all kinds of interesting plot opportunities. Now, in an outline its relatively fine to frontload all this exposition, but in the actual story itself, putting it at the beginning obviously doesn’t work. At first I tried to move the reveal to the middle of the feast (the section where Sansa kind of zones out before she starts drinking), but it didn’t really work there, and eventually got moved to the end of the chapter.

Partly this is because reveals like that add narrative momentum and escalation, but mainly the move was just logistical: Sansa’s true birth is too much information to unload on the reader all at once. Because I decided to start the story when Sansa first meets Jon (I’ll go into that in a moment), there’s already a huge amount of world building and exposition that has to fit cleanly and organically into a very small space: who Jon is, what Sansa thinks of him, the physical setting, the rest of Sansa’s backstory.

To slap on top of that all of the backstory of her being a secret cousin to the Starks is a lot, and it just hurt the flow of the chapter, and story, as a whole. Putting that material at the end of the first chapter also just gives it a lot more space to breath and be explored.

(I actually considered just cutting that entire part of Sansa’s backstory because it would slim down the story and doesn’t really add anything on a plot level, but ultimately it felt too important to her character’s interiority to cut)

Sansa Stone spends the first five or so years of her life being raised in Petyr’s old home, with him visiting her sporadically. When she’s six he takes her back to Kingslanding with him and quickly begins teaching her how to navigate court life. Dearly she’s always loved songs and ladies and kings and queens, but now that she’s at court Sansa finds the reality different to what she thought. As a bastard she can only ever be on the fringes of all she’s ever wanted.

She clings to her courtesies and ladylike behavior (sewing, singing, etc) because on some level she believes that if she can excel at those maybe, just maybe, they can make up for her bastard birth. Her sexuality is also something she’s much more aware of then in canon; as a girl thought to be base by nature men feel comfortable leering at, even knights and lords she thought noble. It disillusions her and makes her think of herself as dirty or tainted somehow. Not that she shows it beneath her smiles and courtesies.

Keeping all of the core Sansa things (ladylike aspirations, love of songs, idealism) but changing the context fundamentally changes in a lot of ways her reasons for doing them, and that’s such a fascinating idea and character to explore to me.

There’s a world where I write Sansa’s childhood and upbringing in Kingslanding in a kind of lyrical, lilting passage of time chapter before the rest of the story. And while I love writing that kind of thing, for this story it felt like an unnecessary approach. I’m a big proponent of starting stories as close to the middle as possible, and the ‘scenes’ of this story really start at the next part when Sansa actually arrives at Winterfell, so it made the most sense to start there. Considering most of the above material got folded into the first chapter pretty easily and cleanly, I think it was the right decision.

Sansa meets Jon when she journeys north with the king’s procession when Robert goes to ask Ned to be Hand. There in Winterfell she meets Jon sitting exiled at the low table during the feast. She approaches Ghost, and Ghost lets her scratch him behind the ears, which surprises Jon. She asks about Ghost and they talk, bastard to bastard, connecting despite their differences in temperament. He tells her his plan to go to the Wall. The black knights of the Wall, she tells him she remembers them called. A noble cause. 

I did a thing here that’s fine when first writing an outline (when all that’s important is getting the idea no matter how rough on the page), but is a bad habit of mine and is a pain if I don’t fix it in a second draft. And that thing is that I tend to skip over specifics in outlines.

I want to stress that this is fine to do in a first outline. Really. But when you go to expand it in prose it causes problems. ‘They connect despite their differences in temperament’ seems fine, but what are the actual words involved in illustrating it? In turning it into actual dialogue? Being vague and skipping over that stuff has become the bane of my existence with outlines. To combat it I often go through an outline and highlight the points where I skipped over details to force myself to try and fill them out before starting on the actual prose.

So, for example, in my first outline I wrote after the above:

Sansa witnesses Jon’s conversation with Benjen and him storming out of the hall.

And in my second draft of the outline I expanded it to:

Benjen straddles the bench on the other side of Jon. My lady, Benjen greets her with a tilt of his head. He grins at Jon. I’d know idea you kept such beautiful company. Jon flushes and mumbles something. Sansa understands. She’s well used to being a bastard, to be considered base, to be flirting with a man simply by sitting next to him. She answers Benjen’s compliment with a smile though, tells him that Jon has been most kind to let her sit next to him. She’s only a simple southern girl, after all, and unused to the north.

This is more fleshed out, and gives me more hooks to lay the prose and dialogue on when it comes to write the scene. One thing I wanted to emphasize is just how constantly aware of her social position and image Sansa is, that she knows she’s a sexualized object.

This is also a good example of how something can say ok in an outline, and then not work when you go to write it. Having Jon be embarrassed by Sansa seemed ok when I was outlining it: he’s drunk and easily embarrassed to begin with, and it’s a very human reaction. When I actually wrote it out though, it mostly just came off like Jon being a dick. And it also just didn’t feel like it fit his character. Right from the first chapter of A Game of Thrones he appears in he’s someone who’s willing to sacrifice having a direwolf of his own so that his brothers and sisters can have theirs.

Once I changed it I realized (though I really should’ve before) how important it is to the entire chapter and story that Jon stand up for Sansa here, how it’s part of his strength of character that Sansa is attracted to, the boy who really tries to live up to the songs.

She witnesses his conversation with Benjen and him storming out of the hall. Maybe she follows him and comforts him after, or maybe just watches from the benches. Either way, in the dark scheming Petyr part of herself she doesn’t like to acknowledge, a plan starts to form in Sansa’s mind. For years Petyr has petitioned Robert to legitimize her, but always been rebuffed. But Jon’s father will be Hand soon, and he could legitimize her. She could charm Jon, Petyr has taught her how to use her sweet smile that way, and have him lobby his father to legitimize her.

One of my all time favorite conflicts for a character to have is between doing what they know is right on the one hand, and what their desperate and selfish want on the other. It’s such a lovely source of angst and also a really legitimate conflict we all go through in life. Hopefully if I’ve done my job right as a writer, the audience feels just how desperately Sansa no longer wants to be a bastard.

Through Jon she could finally be a bastard no longer, but that would require manipulating him not to go to the Wall, and the only way to do it would be to seduce him, bed him; he would marry her for honor after that, she knows, a son of Lord Stark could do no less and Jon has vowed to father no bastards. But too, it wouldn’t be right.

I ended up deciding to move this specific thing, baby trapping Jon, to later in the story for escalation and because it just felt sort of abrupt and out of left field this early on. It’s another example of how tone and pacing in an outline can get kind of wonky and not work when it’s dramatized in prose.

Separately, I’m not entirely happy with how the last third of this chapter turned out after Benjen leaves. Generally it’s bad writing to have a character simply sit around and think about things; which is what Sansa does here for nearly a thousand words. In the case of this story I think it works because of how well the scene otherwise plays out and where the reader’s interest lies, but I’m not sure I could get away with it in an original story where the reader wasn’t already so invested in Sansa. It’s an example of how writing original fiction and fanfiction can be very different.

In the following days Sansa meets with Jon and spends time with him, tries to shove down and not listen to the whispers of Petyr’s voice that tell her she could entrance him easily, so easily. She finds herself drawn to Jon in a way none of the squires at court have ever interested her, something intriguing in his dark eyes and long face. It’s strange, makes her feel naked to be the one that wants instead of being wanted.

This is the part of the story that got expanded the most. What’s a paragraph here ends up being a full chapter. I originally wanted to keep it just in lyrical montage, but that’s always my instinct and not always what’s best for the story. There’s still a little of that summarizing in the middle of the released chapter, but it’s bookended by two solid scenes.

I’m going to quote from the completed version of the fic for a bit because otherwise this turns into just a wall of text. I’ll let you know when we get back to the original outline.

“I’m not a lady. Not yet.” Arya scrunches her nose, but seems to suddenly remember her own courtesies, and gives a grudging curtesy back. She eyes Sansa curiously. “Why don’t you have to do needlework?”

I originally wasn’t going to have Arya show up in the scene where Sansa and Jon watch the boys sparring in the yard, but the Stark girls are simply too great a dynamic not to explore at least a little, especially with how it would change with Sansa as a bastard.

Now, I did want to avoid the trope fic writers tend to fall into when they write divergent fic like this where the characters are all chummy and the conflicts in canon are ironed out just because one character was raised different. It always feels like wish fulfillment to me and like the character conflicts in canon are some puzzlebox to be fixed.

And ultimately it felt right to me that Sansa and Arya even in this universe wouldn’t get along that well. In all likelihood they would probably actually get along worse since they don’t have that sister bond under their disagreements: though their relationship might be interesting to explore how it grows once they’re both in the Red Keep.

(I also just find it endlessly hilarious that Sansa thinks that she and Arya would closer if they were raised together. You sweet summer child, you.)

Another route I thought about going down is having Sansa be resentful of Arya: after all Arya has everything she’s ever wanted and more or less just spits on it. I read an excellent meta once talking about how in canon that’s why Jeyne is so mean to Arya. Despite being better at feminine pursuits and closer with Sansa, because of her birth she’ll never be as good as Arya.

I ultimately didn’t go down this route just because it didn’t feel right: it makes Sansa a less likable character, and this Sansa is still a very kind character who doesn’t even know Arya well enough to warrant that kind of bitterness. It also undercuts the longing Sansa has in this world for siblings or family of some kind beside Petyr who is a creep.

Sansa grins back and combs back her hair from a gust of wind, looks out at the rolling and empty hills around them. There is a bleak beauty to them and the blue-grey sky and chill wind, and despite how different it is from Kingslanding Sansa feels a desperate yearning inside her to never leave, feels as though she could spend all her life here and be happy.

I liked the concept of Sansa in this world feeling out of place, there being some kind of echo of canon in her situation, an itch she can’t quite scratch. It’s also an interesting contrast to canon where Sansa is perfectly happy to go south and is coded more with southern courtly culture than the north initially. In this verse she’s already been disabused of her view of songs and chivalry and just like Jon has a deep yearning for belonging. Home for a bastard is a fickle thing, and really a metaphor for the way they’re inherently destabilizing to the westerosi social hierarchy and can thus never fit into it. It’s something I explore a lot in my Jon of the Kingsguard fic too.

Jon bursts into laughter, easy and warm, and Sansa has the sudden and reckless urge to lean across the gap between their horses and taste it, press her lips to his and find out if it’s as warm and free as it sounds. Squire after squire, knight after knight, lord after lord of the Red Keep has flirted and courted and wanted her. Comely and ugly, fair and dark, bold and shy, laughing and serious: all had wanted her and none had ever made her feel like this, flushed and breathless and skin tingling with each brush of the wind. The feeling is strange, uncomfortable, and Sansa looks out to the hills around them, longing for something she doesn’t understand blooming painfully beneath her breastbone.

I played around a lot in this scene with how much Sansa should realize her attraction to Jon. It’s such an interesting idea to me that Sansa is perfectly fluent in one half of attraction but not the other: she knows with exhausting detail what it’s like to have men be attracted to her, but has never really felt much of an attraction to anyone to the point where she probably doesn’t even realize that’s supposed to be a part of love.

After all, in a lot of those chivalric songs they talk a lot about the knights love for the maiden, but kind of skip over her interest in him (this attitude is still really, really common in our media nowadays). It’s part of the way chivalry in westeros makes women into objects. Wanting and hunger on the part of the woman is destabilizing because it isn’t under male control, and thus is gross and wanton and penalized.

“Winterfell.” The word is sad and hopeful and longing all in one, and something in it clouds Jon’s eyes. He looks down at the reins in his hand. “I dreamed of my father naming me his heir and giving me Winterfell, of becoming it’s lord.” He shakes his head, voice touched with an old and bitter shame. “I would never betray Robb like that. Never. But still I couldn’t stop imagining what it would be like if it was mine. If only we’d born opposite. I know I shouldn’t, that it’s a bastard’s curse to be envious and faithless-”

“It isn’t.” Sansa reaches over and touches Jon’s arm, voice hot. “It isn’t, Jon. We- there’s nothing wrong with wanting. Not for us. We cannot help what we want.”

If there’s a central theme to this story, it’s wanting, and whether it’s right or wrong to want. For both women and bastards it’s wrong to want because it destabilizes the westorosi social contract, and so both Jon and Sansa have internalized a certain amount of self hate for wanting the things they want. And they’re not dumb: they both know that taking the things they want will hurt others, Robb and Jon respectively. And that’s kind of the resolution of the theme by the end of the story: it’s ok to want, but you shouldn’t hurt others to get what you want.

Getting back to the original outline:

After Bran falls Sansa comforts Jon in his grief. I can’t stay at Winterfell, he tells her quietly. She bites her lip, because in that moment she knows he’s teetering, that she has him, that in this moment of weakness she could kiss him and comfort him and let him have her body. She cradles his head and they kiss, and it unlocks something in Sansa, a desperate yearning, an ache to have him inside her. It would be so easy. So easy to tangle her fingers in his shirt and draw him down to his bed.

This mostly stayed the same, just expanded and dramatized. I also punched up why Sansa’s attracted to Jon, not just that he tries to stay true to idealism and songs, but that he doesn’t have the objectified and hyper-sexualized view of her that others do. And as I mentioned above, Sansa doesn’t really understand wanting someone for herself, and thus it’s so much harder for her to control herself.

I should mention that in the abstract this whole element of Sansa’s sexual desire being tied up with moral wrongdoing is kind of super problematic considering how much female sexuality tends to get penalized, but for some reason I feel like in the actual implementation it isn’t too bad? I tried to make it clear here and later that her sexuality and wanting isn’t wrong, just the consequences of it in this specific situation.

But Sansa forces herself to break their kiss, rests her forehead against his and takes a deep breathe. Jon pulls back, an apology already on his tongue, but she shakes her head firmly and smiles at him even as she can feel a hole yawning open in the pit of her gut at the thought of never seeing him again.

One of the hardest things for me to write is a character drawing back from the brink of temptation. They can’t almost do something, and have every reason to do something, and then just not do it. As a writer you have to find some element that sparks them to make the right decision. Here it’s Littlefinger’s creepy inner voice that makes Sansa realize what she’s doing isn’t right and is something she’ll be ashamed of later.

Littlefinger in this story as a whole was a little tricky to write. I wanted it to be clear that there wasn’t any actual sexual abuse between him and Sansa, but I still wanted a certain amount of his creepiness and possessiveness to come through: for example, when I describe in the first chapter his breath rasping her ear or him stroking her cheek.

Even in the completed chapter the, ‘Let him do as he likes with you, take comfort in you, spill his seed in you’ / ‘Let it happen, sweetling. It will be over soon’ she mentally hears him say is pretty rapey language. It’s there to emphasize the control he has over how Sansa views herself, and the ways she’s been shaped to be passive in her sexuality.

The next day the king’s procession makes ready to go south and Sansa slides up on to her horse. Jon rides up to her and despite the sadness in her Sansa offers him good luck on his journey north, tells him he will make a fine knight of the black. Jon looks at her a moment before answering, gaze intent. I’m not going north, he tells her softly, I’m going south to Kingslanding with my father. Sansa’s heart leaps into her throat, and she smiles, not the carefully manicured expression Petyr taught her, but a blinding and uninhibited thing. And together, the two turn their horses south.

This is an example of something that makes sense when you write in an outline, and then you write the thing and it doesn’t quite make sense any more. Once I’d made it such a point that Jon didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye to Bran, I couldn’t just have him up and leave at the end of the chapter. Having Jon promise to follow Sansa also leaves the ending a little more bittersweet, which fits the tone better (it also opens up all kinds of sequel plottage if I ever decided to go there).

It’s a bit of a thematic cop-out to have Jon just decide to not go to the Wall: Sansa’s challenge in this fic is to do the right thing despite how she has to sacrifice her happiness for it. For her then to get what she wanted anyway kind of betrays and undermines that theme. But, you know, I’m not Hemingway and I’m not trying to write the next great American novel. I mostly just want my favorite characters to smush faces.

---

In all, while I love all my stories, this is one of my favorites so far. There’s so much thematic and character richness to this version of Sansa, and the way she relates to Jon. I have an idea of where it would go if I ever decide to continue and have a few chapters outlined, but there’s a few factors in why I probably won’t write it.

First, I have too many WIPs right now. Second, while I know where this story would go for a few chapters, continuing it past that turns it into a full on series AU and that sounds exhausting. I kind of did that with Jon of the Kingsguard, and even cutting out a bunch of canon elements that turned into fourteen chapters and 50k words. And third, I kind of want to file off the serial numbers and turn this fic into an original story, especially if I’m going to write a novel sized continuation of it anyway.

Basically, the future is a little unclear for this fic, but I do genuinely love it and this version of Jon and Sansa. Hopefully you did to.

(If there’s any specific part of this fic that I didn’t talk about here that you want me to go more in depth with, just hit me with an ask or quote it in the ask box and I’ll expound on it.)