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laurfilijames · 9 months ago

Text

Breathe

Part 7

Pairing: Will 'Ironhead' Miller x female reader

Words: 6.9k

Warnings: Rated E, 18+. Swearing. Trauma/PTSD/nightmares/insomnia. Unprotected intercourse.

Summary: Unanswered questions amp up every emotion that time does nothing to lessen, and so much uncertainty raises the concern if everything will turn out okay or if moving on is the only answer.

A/N: Less hurt than the last chapter, I promise! Thank you to everyone who was so enthusiastic and responsive to it and made all that angst worth writing!

Photo by @avatarskingdom and edited by me. Please do not use without permission or credit. Headers by the wonderful @spaghettificationandpretzels!

Chapter Playlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

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You felt numb as much as you felt angry, scared and heartbroken.

It was all still so surreal, having to remind yourself constantly that Will broke up with you and was gone, the persistent sick feeling in your stomach growing with every thought of his life being at risk and that even though he was no longer yours, you might never see him again.

You did everything you could to understand his side of things, but with that your frustration increased wildly, the fact that he hadn't even given you the chance to be there for him stinging almost as much as him abandoning what you knew, or thought, you had.

Did he really believe you wouldn’t support him, that you didn’t care enough about him to give him space and time while he dealt with all the things he needed to, that your love for him simply wasn’t enough for him to want to hold onto while he was deployed, that everything you thought you had been building was broken and false?

The toaster popped, shooting your slice of bread out, making you jump after forgetting you were even waiting for it.

You ate because you had to, but food tasted bleak and flavourless, and everything that landed in your stomach felt like it sat there and made your nausea even worse.

You had made a whole lasagna earlier just because, giving you something to do for the better part of an hour, but the thought of eating it was so unappealing and you had the idea that maybe you would drop it off for Benny. Taking a bite out of the plain piece of toast, you thought how awful it might feel to go over to the Miller’s house right now, and decided against it, opting to freeze the lasagna for another time instead.

Another bite and the toast was in the trash, and you stood in the middle of your kitchen unmoving, not sure what to do with yourself next.

You hadn’t slept, and whether it was fatigue or just your grief pummeling you, you broke down and sobbed, your body shaking as the memory of Will holding you in his arms in this very spot flooded you, dancing one night while in the middle of cleaning up dinner, pausing almost anything in favour of stealing a piece of each other.

Work was a welcomed distraction, forcing you to go through the motions and function like everything was normal, able to allow you to bury your emotions for the course of a shift and nearly forget about what had happened, only to have it all come back the moment you got in your car and started your drive home, knowing you had nothing to look forward to.

You hadn’t been back to the gym since the day you saw both brothers there all beat up from their brawl with each other, your body too exhausted and weak to even consider working out, but as you sat at your kitchen table with nothing else to do, you went and changed into your gym clothes and drove over.

It was busy enough, observing the evening crowd enough to keep you entertained as you walked on the Stair Master, each step automatic and absent-minded.

Through a few people and machines you spotted Benny, resting on a bench between sets of chest presses, his smile and slightly awkward wave making you feel equally so, and as he stood and started weaving his way over to you, you felt bad that he probably felt obligated to talk to you.

You stopped the machine and stepped down, grabbing your things in the assumption you would probably feel like leaving after this conversation, your water bottle shaking in your hand that trembled with nerves and adrenaline.

“Hey,” Benny said, somewhat hesitantly.

“Hey, Benny,” you answered, smoothing your hand over your sweaty hair.

“How’re you doing?”

You sighed, looking down at the floor as you shook your head. “Do you want the fake answer or the honest one?”

Benny huffed a laugh in understanding. “You look like shit.”

You laughed out of disbelief, bringing yourself to look at him as he scratched his head and tried to recover.

“I mean- fuck.”

“No, I look like shit. Feel like it too,” you confirmed, reassuring his observations.

“Are you looking after yourself?” he asked, his face full of concern.

You shrugged, “As much as I can, I guess.”

He nodded, sympathetic to your feelings. “Are you eating? Sleeping?”

“Here and there. Not much of both if I’m honest.”

“Yeah, I get it. Just do your best even though it’s hard.”

You hummed. “Does it get any easier?”

He tilted his head a bit. “Does what get easier?”

“The worry, the waiting…”

“Oh, uh…” he pulled his ball cap up off his head, smoothed his hair back and placed it back on again, this time backwards. “Yeah, I guess we all just get used to it in a way. But I’d be lying if I said that everyday you’re half expecting to get that phone call…”

He saw the tears in your eyes well to the surface, and unlike most times, Benny felt a bit speechless.

“I can’t stop thinking about him,” you admitted, your words not even directed at Benny, but rather said aloud simply because you couldn’t keep them in.

“Ugh, I’m sorry,” you went on, wiping your eyes and shaking your head like it would suddenly shake away your feelings. “I’m gonna get going, see you later.”

“Yeah, of course,” Benny responded, his voice soft. “Hey,” he called after you, making you pause and turn half-way to face him.

“Just don’t give up on him yet.”

You gave a weak smile. “I couldn’t if I wanted to.”

You made it to your car before you really fell apart, the tears coming down your face so hot and fast you could barely see to unlock the door, and when you flopped down into the seat, you rested your head against the steering wheel and wept.

The most overwhelming sense of panic came over you, taking control over everything and trapping you in it, your mind racing with every horrible thought imaginable, and before you could realize, your breathing had turned short and gasping, your mouth desperately trying to suck in air between sobs.

Your hands wrapped around yourself, squeezing you tighter than the grip of the anxiety attack was, feeling your whole body shaking and trembling and all you wanted to do was scream.

That was when Will’s soothing voice popped in your head, urging you to focus on your breaths and count each one, the sound of the numbers in his even tone allowing you to stop the panic, and you began counting out loud until your breathing eventually leveled out.

How could the same person who was the reason you were feeling this way manage to help calm you, you thought, exhaling slowly as everything around you started to come into focus again.

You ran your hands over your face, your body still shaking with each inhalation though they had become more regular, knowing that as much as you were hurt and betrayed, you still loved Will more than you could imagine loving anything.

Benny’s phone rang not thirty seconds after he’d just hung up, Will’s number lighting up his screen suspiciously close to him ending his conversation with Tom.

He pressed the green button to answer it, and before he could even get out a ‘hey’, Will’s voice stopped him.

“Are you checking up on me?”

“Uhh-”

“I heard Redfly talking to you, idiot.”

Benny scratched his head, trying to gauge which way this was about to go.

“If you’re wondering how I am, just ask me, Ben.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes that’s easier said than done,” he quipped, recalling how many forced conversations they’d had lately where Will gave short, vague answers to everything.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

Benny sighed, lifting his arm up in exasperation before letting it fall and hit his side, “I dunno, man, I just thought I’d get a truthful answer out of Redfly over you. He’s with you every day and can tell how you are.”

He heard Will sigh, and Benny took the pause as a chance to give his brother the opportunity to tell him for himself.

“So, how are you, then?”

Will sighed heavily again. “I don’t fucking know anymore. Okay, I guess?” he said, his uncertainty clear.

“Tom said things are going well with the op, and despite it all you seem like you’ve got your head in the game.”

“Yeah, that’s all fine,” Will explained, like his role as a Captain on this tour was the least of his worries. “It’s everything else…”

“Yeah…” Benny agreed, holding space for Will to continue.

“How’s she doing? Have you seen her?”

“Saw her at the gym yesterday,” Benny said carefully, trying to decide if it would be better or worse to tell him she wasn’t doing well, but ultimately knowing if he wanted Will to be honest, he would have to be too. “She’s not doing good, man.”

Will was silent, making Benny pull the phone away from his ear to check if the call had dropped or not.

“I can’t believe I did this to her,” he said quietly.

“Yeah, well,” Benny said flatly, “What’s done is done, now you just have to focus on finishing this job and getting back home so you can fix it.”

“Do you think there will be anything left to fix?”

Benny blew the air out of his mouth slowly. “That’s up to you two. If you both want it to work out…”

“That’s what I’m worried about. By the time I get back she’ll have moved on and learned to hate me.”

“You don’t know that,” Benny countered. Able to tell the expression that would be on Will’s face right now, he continued. “She still loves you man.”

“I wish she didn’t. She deserves better, not this shit…”

Benny’s heart ached for his brother, hating that he was going through this on top of being back in action, praying his stress didn’t get the better of him or be the cause of any fatal mistakes.

“Listen, man, I gotta go,” Will spoke, his voice weak and quiet.

“Yeah, okay. Be careful out there.”

“Always.”

The beep of the call ending sounded in Benny’s ear before there was even the chance to consider saying anything else, and he hoped Will would hang onto the thought that maybe it wasn’t all lost yet.

Days turned into weeks, but the amount of time that was passing didn’t help to make things feel any better, making you wonder every day if it would ever stop hurting.

Anger grew as you wracked your brain combing through every detail of every conversation and act that could've led to this, wondering where it was that you went wrong, but you still couldn’t pinpoint the moment Will gave up on loving you or what it was that made him peel away. It almost hurt just as much as him being gone did, unable to know what the cause was so you could try to rectify it and simply get closure as to why it ended, your heart like an open wound that would never heal.

You looked at yourself in the mirror one last time before exiting your room, on your way to meet two of your girlfriends for a quiet drink, your attempts to refuse unaccepted.

You couldn’t deny that it would possibly help get your mind off of Will, but you knew it was futile as everything you did and everywhere you went, he was there.

“That guy can’t stop looking over here at you,” Grace said through a grin as she nudged you with her elbow, and you twisted in your chair slightly to follow her gaze.

You took a sip of your wine as you assessed the man with dark brown hair and brown eyes staring directly at you, his smile bright and clean, his lips plump and inviting.

You said nothing as you turned back to your friends, raising your eyebrows as if that was a response that would appease anyone.

“Come on, he’s gorgeous!” Nicole urged, tilting her head indignantly.

“I never said he wasn’t!” you defended, but in your head all you could think was how he wasn’t Will.

“You need a rebound fuck,” Grace suggested, and the thought made your stomach flip.

“I’m not ready for any of that yet,” you admitted, hoping they would understand how raw everything still felt.

“We know,” Nicole sympathized, giving your hand a squeeze as she placed hers overtop, and you knew they would support you in anything whether it was continuing to miss Will with every part of your being or hooking up with the next man who walked by.

“Oh shit, he’s coming over,” Grace blurted, adjusting in her seat as a wide smile appeared on her face.

Your heart plummeted in your gut, and you sighed, praying this wouldn’t be as horribly awkward as you were expecting it to be, trying to find the energy to be kind and cordial despite not wanting to.

“I hope I’m not interrupting,” a deep, smooth voice purred behind you, and you felt the demand of his presence as he stood beside your chair.

His eyes were even more alluring up close, and his crooked smirk was equally charming as it was sexy, the dark scruff around his mouth complimenting his olive complexion.

You swallowed, feeling unable to find words, and with a low chuckle, it prompted him to continue.

“I couldn’t help but want to come over to say hi and introduce myself.” He spoke with such confidence, his voice so seductive. “I’m Cam.”

He held out his hand for you to shake, and you did, feeling your hand tremble slightly before he took it in a firm grip and moved it up and down once on your behalf.

You introduced yourself as well as Nicole and Grace who you wanted to kick under the table for how they were gawking at him, but not as much as you wanted to crawl under it to hide away as he pulled out a chair from the empty table beside yours and took a seat.

“Can I get you ladies another round?”

“Oh, yes please!” the girls chimed, seeming completely enthusiastic about him joining you.

You assessed his hand for any ring as he waved the waitress over, requesting for the same drinks to be brought to the table, feeling relieved there was no band wrapped around his ring finger, but something about him still felt off to you.

He’s not Will, your mind reminded you, and you took a long drink of your wine to try to swallow the sour feeling stirring in your gut.

It was comfortable enough talking to him, even catching yourself laughing at some of the things he said and genuinely having a good time, but every time you felt yourself liking something about him, there was one thing you found you didn’t.

He’s not Will.

You found yourself lost in his chocolate eyes as he spoke to you, imagining instead they were clear blue and held a brightness that reflected the love you had learned to see shine through them, only to be reminded that that wasn’t something that existed for you anymore, and you blinked back to the reality you faced.

“Would it be too forward of me if I asked for your number?” Cam asked, his eyebrows raising on his forehead in a hopeful, but confident expression.

“Hm, yeah, sure,” you replied, picking his phone up from the table that he slid over to you and typed your number into a text message along with your name, sending it to yourself.

“I’ll call you,” he said, standing from his seat where he continued to smile at you.

Your eyes followed him as he walked over to the bar to pay his tab, feeling something stir in you as he looked back over his shoulder at you one last time before he sauntered out of the bar, everything about him charming and gorgeous.

But he wasn’t Will.

“Are you going to go out with him?” Nicole asked excitedly, the looks on both your friend’s faces confusing you like you missed something they hadn’t.

“Umm,” you pondered, trying to wrap your head around the situation, the three glasses of wine making your head feel fuzzy. “I- I don’t know.”

You felt like crying, feeling a sense of guilt and anxiety bubble up in you, like you were betraying Will and being unfaithful despite the reminder that he wasn’t yours slapping you in the face and twisting your heart in your chest.

A few days had passed since your night out with the girls, and as expected, a text from Cam had come through asking to take you for dinner, the invitation sitting ignored and unresponded to in your messages.

Every time you opened your phone to reply, you would see Will’s name a few spots down from Cam’s, the contrast between them and what was past and what was present making you wish more than ever that you could go back in time and try to mend whatever it was that took Will away from you.

You didn't recall ever being so irritable, your temper short and your patience gone, a toss up whether you would scream or cry at the drop of a hat becoming the daily gamble.

The gym didn’t even seem to allay these frustrations, and as you tried to adjust the height of the rack bracket and it got stuck, you felt that blanket of red creeping up through you.

Cursing under your breath, you wiggled the pin again and again, tugging and jostling it to try to get it to move, the clanking of the metal against metal drawing attention over to you by prying, judging eyes.

“Need help?”

You sighed with relief, hearing the familiar voice that belonged to Benny, closing your eyes and counting your breaths as he stepped in and adjusted it for you.

“Thank you,” you muttered, avoiding meeting his eyes as shame washed over you.

“You alright?”

You forced the air out of your lungs again, still not meeting his piercing gaze.

“I'm just so angry and there's nothing I can do about it,” you admitted, your tone defeated.

“I understand that,” Benny drawled, leaning against the squat rack.

You felt him studying you, almost as if he was debating saying something.

“He asks about you every time I talk to him…”

It felt like the wind was knocked right out of you, and somehow you managed to speak.

“He does?”

Your bewilderment seemed to confuse Benny, his face screwed up as he looked at you like it was the most obvious and normal thing.

“Yeah?”

You covered your face with your hands, letting out a growl that did nothing to signify your frustration at the situation.

“I still don’t know what I did wrong. He stopped staying the night and became more and more distant each time I saw him…” You paused briefly, trying to put your thoughts in order. “Then he just stopped altogether and the next time we spoke he ended it, and now you’re saying he asks about me?”

“He didn’t tell you about his nightmare?” Benny asked, his shock blatant.

You shook your head, your brows knitted tightly together. “No?”

Benny sighed and rolled his eyes, shifting on his feet as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Jesus Christ…okay,” he groaned, exasperated by his brother’s ability to consistently make things worse.

You stood there unmoving as Benny explained what had happened, going over all the details Will had told him of his nightmare and his reactions to it, and you felt cold despite having worked up a sweat from what you had done in your routine already.

“I told him he wouldn't actually hurt you but he was so messed up from it. I think it was days before he managed to sleep after that,” Benny said, his tone sad. “I've only seen him that distraught after a nightmare a couple times before.”

“Why wouldn’t he have said anything to me?” you asked, your voice a whisper.

Benny shrugged, “I think he was scared. And then knowing he was leaving on top of it…it was just too much for him.”

You nodded, rubbing your hands on your arms for some sort of comfort, feeling like your heart was breaking all over again, but this time for Will rather than because of him.

“I’m not making excuses for him,” Benny went on, leaning with his arms up on the barbell that hung across the rack. “I don’t agree with what he did, I just know how messy things can get in that head of his, and as his brother I kinda always have to have his back, but it doesn't mean I’m on his side.”

You nodded, at a loss for words as your mind tried to process everything.

It was a helpless feeling, having some sort of understanding now but unable to do anything about it, wondering if you should send Will a message or have Benny pass one along, but all you wanted to tell him was you loved him and that was probably something he didn’t need right now.

“Thanks for telling me,” you said softly, all of your anger replaced with sadness and worry, your heart aching in your chest.

Time continued to pass but did nothing to heal, each day marking another one gone without a word between you and Will, leaving you more unclear than ever at what to do, feeling that if he wanted anything to do with you, he would’ve reached out by now.

Not wanting to put Benny in the middle of it, you never once asked him to interfere or treated him as a messenger, only asking how his brother was doing when he hadn’t told you on his own and thankful that he usually would provide an update anyway knowing you were wondering.

The last time you saw the younger Miller you had dropped off a week’s worth of food, having prepped a variety of high fat and carb meals, helping to get him ready for his upcoming fights in a new weight class.

Cooking for Benny was just the type of distraction you needed, feeling useful and productive and able to put this latent energy into something good for someone else, offering to make his meals for him each week so he didn’t have to worry about his nutrition while focusing on his training.

He had told you as he helped unload all the food from your car that Will was due to return home soon, a matter of days or weeks but there was no exact date yet, and every time you went to the gym or to the grocery store, you braced yourself for a run-in with the man you couldn’t stop thinking about.

You finished washing your face and brushing your teeth, checking your phone one last time before leaving it on your dresser for the night, never getting used to the disappointment you felt at not seeing a sweet message from Will like you used to whenever he wasn’t with you, and still holding hope that whenever it did buzz with a text, it would be Benny saying Will was back.

Your anxiousness was getting the better of you, feeling like it was worsening each day to the point you were struggling to sleep even more than what had now become your normal, never resting for more than a couple of hours at a time if you were lucky.

So many things passed through your mind in those hours spent awake, some of which consisted of that outstanding offer for a date with Cam, not declining it yet despite knowing it was something you didn’t want anything to do with. Nicole and Grace would still bring it up whenever you talked but didn’t put any pressure on you, both of them knowing deep down you were happiest with Will, and you weren’t about to jeopardize any remaining chance with him until you knew for sure that there was an absolute finality to your relationship.

Not feeling tired but knowing you needed to try to sleep, you crawled into bed, nestling yourself under the covers on the side that Will used to occupy, closing your eyes in hopes your mind would drum up the memory of his arms wrapped around you.

You knew you shouldn't do it, knowing it wasn't helping you move on and that some might deem it unhealthy, but every time you laid in bed you imagined him with you and it was becoming the only thing that would get you to sleep.

It had been your haven; the warmth of his body and your limbs tired and wonderfully achy from sex providing all the comfort you needed to drift off, both of you usually able to sleep soundly with the exception of Will having the occasional nightmare until his mind plagued him with the one that he couldn’t get past.

How could it be so wrong to go back to a time when a version of you didn't haunt his dreams, when you had brought each other nothing but love and understanding and a sense of safety and security? You kept replaying what Benny had told you about his nightmare over and over, the sense of guilt you had over it working to torture you just as much as the dream tormented Will.

You sighed, squeezing your eyelids tight, doing everything in your power to recall the feel of his lips on your neck, his breath ghosting over your skin as he wished you goodnight, his beard scratching against you in the most addicting way as he tucked his face as close to yours as he could.

Tears started to spring from your eyes the harder you shut them, thinking how you would give it all up in a heartbeat so Will could be happy and live a life with all of his worries put at ease even if it meant you couldn’t be a part of it.

Will picked at the frayed laces on his boot as he listened to the dial tone, one leg bent to rest on his knee while waiting for Benny to pick up, excited to share the news that he was flying home tomorrow and to get an update on Benny’s training, knowing he had been working hard to put on the last few pounds needed to put him in the Light Heavyweight class.

“Sup, bro?” he finally answered, out of breath.

“Hey, Ben. You running?”

“Just in the middle of some light spars. Got my first fight tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah, buddy!” he hollered, his excitement palpable through the phone.

“That’s awesome, Benny,” Will praised, proud of his brother for reaching his goal.

“How’re you doing?” Benny panted.

“I’m okay,” he paused, planting his foot down so both were on the ground and scratching his head. “Coming in tomorrow.”

“Fuck, seriously?”

“Yeah…”

“Shit. The fight is in Fort Myers, I can’t pick you up, man.”

Will tried his best to disguise his disappointment, his leg bouncing as he tried to level his voice.

“It’s fine, I’ll take a cab or get Redfly to drop me off,” he suggested, knowing he wouldn’t even ask his friend since Tom would be so eager to be reunited with his girls.

Benny sighed, “You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal. I’m just sorry I’ll miss that fight.”

“There will be more, don’t worry,” he assured. “Safe flight home, eh?”

“Thanks Benny. Good luck tomorrow. Knock ‘em dead.”

Benny chuckled, “Yeah, I will. See you soon, bro.”

Will ended the call and sat for a minute, the bit of excitement he felt about coming home diminished, feeling a sense of dejection that he officially had no one there for him.

He considered all of his options, the thought of reaching out to you even crossing his mind, but knew that he couldn’t and he would just have to settle for whatever warm welcome the cab driver wouldn’t provide him.

He blew air out of his mouth slowly, starting to feel like he couldn't capture a proper breath, closing his eyes as the sense of self-inflicted and well-deserved dread he was now accustomed to consumed him.

One, two, three…he counted, the numbers switching from the sound of his own voice to yours, repeating them with each breath in and out until he secured a consistent pattern.

Tomorrow.

You knew what it meant without any other context, the single word appearing on your screen from Benny making your heart jump into your throat, and you grabbed the edge of the countertop behind you with shaky hands as you leaned against it.

He had promised to tell you when he knew for sure and here it was, the day you had hoped for for so long, but one you were also terrified for.

Will was coming home.

As a slew of emotions ran through you, it dawned on you that his arrival happened to be on the same day as Benny’s fight, and you wondered if that meant anyone would be there to welcome him home.

You picked up your phone to reply to Benny, thinking of asking him who was planning to pick Will up from base, but as soon as you started typing the message, you hit the arrow to delete it, putting your phone back down on the counter.

It wasn’t your business, you told yourself, fighting every urge to make it yours, the thought of Wil returning home from the hells he faced with no one there for him breaking your heart.

You figured you were the last person he would want to see anyway, and knowing you had the potential to send him even more over the edge made you feel sick, thinking of how much had changed from when you were the one who used to bring him peace.

The flight was long, and it felt like every muscle in Will’s body ached as he walked off the plane and waited to board the bus that would bring them to the base station, feeling so close but still so far from being home.

There was continuous chatter around him, the excitement of all the soldiers about reuniting with their loved ones making Will feel happy and sad at the same time, and he did his best to seem enthused when asked if he was looking forward to going home.

He checked his phone more times than he needed to, having sent Benny a text that he had landed to which he responded with a thumbs up emoji, part of him hoping that there would be something from you, only to remember he didn’t deserve any grace for his actions.

He was getting everything he deserved, he thought as he pressed his head back against the headrest after sitting down, sighing out slowly while closing his eyes, finding it amusing that being alone was something he was both looking forward to and completely dreading.

It wasn’t long before the bus arrived at base, and Will remained in his seat until everyone else had gotten off, not wanting his fellow troops who were so eager to hold their loved ones to be held up by him who was only going to wait for a fucking cab.

He slung his bag over his shoulder and made his way through people hugging, a weak smile forming on his lips in seeing one of his friends holding his newborn baby, and not far off did he watch Tom embrace both of his daughter’s in his arms, picking them up and swinging them around until they were screaming with delight.

After making his way to the doors, he pulled out his phone and looked up the number for a taxi, rubbing his other hand over his tired eyes roughly, praying it wouldn’t take long for one to show up.

The area he stood in was quiet with everyone else still lingering behind, but he glanced up when he noticed a couple walking past hand-in-hand, pausing to steal a kiss.

Will was about to hit the number to dial for Taxi Tampa when he looked up again, his eyes landing on a familiar face and one he couldn’t forget even if he tried.

You had just walked in and were stopped in your tracks as you noticed him at the same time, your face a mix of so many emotions that Will could hardly pick one out.

You gave a small shrug and shook your head, silently explaining that you didn’t really know what you were doing there, and Will all but choked as he tried to take a breath, his shock in seeing you completely overwhelming.

He dropped his bag and let his phone fall on top of it, stepping toward you in purposeful strides, his eyes welling up just the same as yours were.

“I wasn’t sure if I should even come but…I had to show up for you,” you shook out, Will’s hands reaching to cup your face, his thumbs smoothing your cheeks as tears started to fall down them.

He nodded in response, unable to say anything, his own tears breaking their threshold as you grabbed onto his forearms, rubbing them through his shirt as he continued to hold onto you.

He pulled you into a hug, relieved when you embraced him just as hard, feeling himself relax into you, his face nuzzling your head.

“I’m sorry,” he cried, alternating his remorse with ‘thank you’ between pressing kisses onto your forehead and hair, your sobs making your body lurch against his.

Your hands pawed at his back, clawing at his fatigues like you were trying to hold onto him for good, and Will prayed with everything he had that you never would let go.

He wasn’t sure how long you stayed like that for, but he eventually felt himself calm down, relishing in holding you and being in your presence again, knowing he would do everything in his power to make every bit of hurt up to you.

Will inhaled deeply, letting it go slowly out of his mouth, feeling like he could finally breathe properly again after all this time.

It was surreal to be in his arms, his warm embrace something you missed more than you imagined you could have, the feel of his body on yours and his scent surrounding you so familiar.

His heartbeat thrummed in your ear as you continued to rest your face on his chest, hearing his breathing having evened out and realizing yours had done the same.

You reluctantly pulled away to look at him, still keeping your arms locked around his middle. “Should we get you home?”

Will’s mouth turned up on one side, his crooked smirk making you melt.

“Yeah,” he nodded, his hand falling to land on your lower back as you both turned to where his bag was left on the floor.

You expected a moment like this to feel awkward, but it was anything but, like you were learning each other all over again, standing in Will’s room with your arms around each other’s waist, your faces so close and your lips inches from touching.

Finally, Will leaned into you, softly pressing his lips on yours, making you hold your breath as you let your eyes close and kissed him back, a broken moan transferring into his mouth as you forced yourself to try to take in air again.

His hand ran across your back, pulling you close to him as he took a step into you, your shirt slipping up so his palm splayed out on your skin, that sensation alone making you shiver in addition to how good it felt to have his lips on yours again.

Kisses grew more intense as each second ticked by, only pausing when he lifted your shirt over your head, and despite feeling so desperate, you both continued to keep every touch slow and careful.

His fingers pinched the clasp of your bra together to release it, moving the straps down your shoulders until it fell from your body, returning his hands to your arms where he trailed his fingertips up them to your neck and then down to your bare chest.

You found the buttons on his shirt, blindly unfastening each one until you were able to peel it open, feeling his smooth chest and the defined muscles of his torso, his warmth radiating out onto you.

Will reached up to take hold of your face, angling your head to press his tongue deeper in your mouth, stealing every bit of air from you in the process.

Breathe, your mind begged, but kissing him was better than breathing.

The rough material of his fatigues brushed against your nipples, making your breath hitch in your throat even more, your body moving to rub against him again to replicate the feeling.

You were rid of your pants and underwear next, leaving you naked while Will remained in his uniform, but the intoxicating feel of your skin on his bare chest let him know that he needed to have as much skin-on-skin contact as possible, and he tore the garment off his upper body quickly before moving to his pants.

Once you were bared to each other, you returned to your slow caresses, touching and exploring with light fingers and hands, your pleasure brought on purely by love.

You stopped kissing him for a moment, teasing your lips on his until you managed to whisper, your voice thick with lust.

“I need you, Will. I need you inside me.”

His nose nudged your cheek as he agreed with the nod of his head, his hands clasping your face again like he feared if he went too long without kissing you, you would vanish.

He took your hand and led you to the bed, sitting down on it and shifted back slightly where you followed, straddling his lap and wrapping your arms around his neck, looking into his vibrantly blue eyes as he gazed at you lovingly.

His hands slid all along your back, bringing you closer to his body before they landed on your legs, guiding you to put them straight so they were behind him and you were seated flush against his lap.

You breathed out slowly as your forehead rested against his, feeling his cock settle at your folds, and when you moved your hips ever so slightly, you gasped at the sensation.

Will kissed along your jawline, his hands massaging your hips, ready to assist as you lifted yourself enough to reach between your bodies and take hold of his cock, guiding him to your entrance where you slowly sank onto his length.

Short, shuddered breaths were exchanged between you before you found each other’s lips again, and you gradually began to move together, finding a tempo that sang to you and helped display the love that had been missing.

Will held onto every part of you that he could, grasping at you as you rocked and rode him, his hips jutting up into yours in slow, meticulous thrusts to give you everything you needed, feeling your desperation grow while his did too.

Your clit rubbed against the coarse hairs above his cock, grinding until you were at the edge, the way your wet walls clenched around and encased him driving him to the brink what felt like faster than ever.

Even though you were both quick to arrive at your climaxes, nothing about it was rushed, savouring each movement to get there and not taking a single second for granted, every emotion felt transferred through your bodies.

Will kissed you hard, groaning into your mouth as he came undone, coating your walls and filling you completely with his hot cum that started to leak out of you as you continued to move on his shaft, your orgasm lagging just seconds behind.

Your fingers clawed at the back of his neck, scratching and digging into his flesh as your body took every bit of pleasure from him, the seal of your mouths breaking as you both panted for air, his head falling into the hollow of your neck while yours rested on the side of his, his hair soft on your cheek.

His mouth smeared wet across your collarbone as he moved his face, pressing sloppy, lazy kisses onto your skin as he continued to hold you close, feeling his chest and back expand and contract with each heavy breath while you kept your arms secured around him.

Will brought you with him as he laid down on his sheets, your bodies still connected, his fingertips tracing your hairline before he leaned toward you and kissed your lips again.

After a few more minutes of kissing, you tucked your face into his neck, your legs entwining with his, Will rolling over onto his back where he held your hand and brought it to rest on his chest.

A silent agreement seemed to settle between you to leave the talking until tomorrow, right now needing to simply be with each other, and like nothing had ever gone wrong, Will closed his eyes and fell asleep, his mind and body finding a peace he didn’t think he would ever have again.

---

Part 8

Taglist:

@sotwk @dailydragon08 @sunnys-day @thedreadandthefugitivemind @glassgulls

@littlenosoul @glitterypirateduck @momia2910 @maggotzombie @rmwarn90

@paintlavillered @casa-boiardi @stealfromthedevil @kmc1989 @justreblogginfics

@spaghettificationandpretzels @whatever-lmaoo @steviebbboi @charethcutestory02

@christinhunnam @hp-hogwartsexpress

#will miller #triple frontier #will miller x female reader #charlie hunnam #will miller x reader #will 'ironhead' miller #will miller smut #william miller #william 'ironhead' miller #charlie hunnam characters

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tigerpetalpress · 2 years ago

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Punctuation: Brackets

Definition: a punctuation mark; a pair of square brackets [ ] used to set apart certain words and sentences, mainly in quotations to add extra information that wasn’t in the original quote. Note: Do not rely on grammar or spelling checkers to identify missing or misused punctuation. Although a checker may flag possibly missing or incorrect marks, it cannot do much else. While I still recommend…

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#bracket rules #brackets with other punctuation #copyediting #grammar rules #how to use brackets #punctuation #self editing #writing #writing & editing

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bonelyheartsclub · 7 months ago

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Hello! If I'm not mistaken, I think I saw some news that this amazing game might be released within this year. Could you let me know how close it is to completion? (Or, if possible, when it might be finished!) I apologize if this is an inappropriate question ;-;

To address this, the game will not be released this year or next year. Because of team member departures and reorganizing the structure to amp up the development of the game we are hoping to aim to have the writing completed edited/finalized and 40% of the artwork done by next year as per our previous post addressing a similar question linked here. Still we hope you’ll continue following our quarterly updates and future posts from now on regarding the progress of the game.

#bonely hearts club #asks #mystery mod

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omghallucinations · 2 months ago

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seventeen mingyu: in the weeds edition

degrees, outer planets, chart patterns, ascendant complex, asteroids, aspects, upcoming saturn return??? we got it all

dude i'm so mad. i'm so mad!!! as i started writing this i was all, sure i like mingyu, but i'm not wild about mingyu, i mean everyone goes wild for mingyu, i want to spread the love!! okay!! yet here we are.

his chart bewitched and beguiled me. so intriguing! multiplicity! got mommy issues? daddy issues? a healthy attachment style?? mingyu will appeal!! however, monogamy.... probably not gonna be his bag, so keep that one in mind lmao.

29° neptune: it's giving manic pixie dream boy

ok neptune stood out to me right off the bat.

you know when i see a 29° planet i'm always gonna talk about it

neptune aspects 5/9 of his planets, and his ascendant and his MC

neptune co-rules his moon, south node, and his MC 2x (pisces, neptune decan)

a prominent/notable neptune often means people simply love to project the hell onto you, so it's not an uncommon chart situation for idols.

looking at this chart, mingyu can be someone's dream boy no matter what the dream is. he has qualities that can fit into any archetype. you want assertive and competent? he can do that. you want sweet and accommodating? he can do that too. you want clever, you want a himbo, you want funny, you want serious? he can do it all!

-> do being the key word. he does contain multitudes and is genuinely multifaceted (gemini rising, mutable cross) but the neptune factor is also projection. he can play a part, but also people often read into him whatever they want to see.

29 is the anaretic degree, it says PAY ATTENTION TO ME. it's about to pass into the next sign, which adds a few fun layers:

+ skill and proficiency: he's a good actor, fits into social roles easily, has a kind of healing energy for people, very sensitive, idealistic, could have some psychic qualities lowkey or just is very intuitive. don't get too excited!! 29° is not considered a benefic, because what exactly is beneficial about having to finish a project? this is not fun and fancy free 0° just starting shit and doesn't have to worry about finishing it!! finishing stuff sucks so much and this is in capricorn, the pressure is immense!! ->capricorn neptune usually vibes kind of.... self-sacrificial. he might find it a little easy to martyr himself when no one asked him to do all that -> 8th house--well let's amp neptune's needs the fuck up, shall we?? anything in a water house is karmic as shit. also he is intuitive as fuck. walk into a room and he knows how eeeeeeverybody is feeling within 10 seconds. there are a lot of psychic qualities here, and moon conjunct south node can he see ghosts bro??? wouldn't put it past him. + urgency: as neptune is about to leave capricorn, he might feel this desperation to do and acquire as much here as possible. we're gonna see spirituality, merging with others, escapism! there's a sense of need here, the void calls him, he must do it all!!! -> neptune is water, altered states, can't say no -> 8th house is I Feel Too Much I See The Depths I Gotta Crash Out -> capricorn is I Can't Let Go of My Responsibilities Without SEVERE ASSISTANCE -> 29° is SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING... hm. be careful about alcohol, buddy, i'm sensing... binge drinking? + tests: time for final neptune exams! lowkey mingyu might have some addictive tendencies for real. either way he's gonna face some crises around escapism for sure, also probably crises to do with his lack of boundaries, workaholism, and how easily he merges with others.

with neptune in the 8th house, sex addiction or just general promiscuity as escapism is... really not out of the question here i'm not gonna lie. tbh i'd be shocked if his bedpost was not notched all to hell. HOWEVER, it's not at all the stereotypical fuckboy asshole vibe, it's kind of like:

aries sun/venus conjunction in the 11th house: okay fine, a soupçon of fuckboy energy, assertive, probably the kind of flirt who teases you a lot (have u ever met an aries venus who is not playfully mean as a form of flirtation bc i haven't), fun social energy, life of the party, unbearably charming... aaand very much will ghost you. but not in a mean way! however pisces moon/mc, prominent neptune, venus sextile jupiter, moon conjunct sn, lots of other chart aspects tbh: incredibly sweet and earnest, forms genuine connections with people, caring, nurturing as shit, earnestly looks into ur eyes all the time, probably a chronic face toucher however sagittarius 7th house, gemini rising, gemini juno: he's just naturally kind of a roamer romantically! he seeks variety, conversation, connection, experience, adventure, new things. he'd probably be into romance with people from lots of different places, who speak other languages--but again, it's really a one or two night thing. (tbh gemini risings, with that sag 7th house libra 5th house, often um.... .. well they don't settle down easily? tend to have a lot of fun in um social um situations? chart dependent, but it's not unusual (looking at you bang chan))

mingyu might be one night standing 365, but he honestly no bullshit feels a connection with every single person when they're together. he looks upon their time together fondly when he leaves at 3am! and he's not putting on an act here!

like sure he is not staying for breakfast, but he doesn't see that as not... valuing the person, i guess? it's very spiritual vibey, neptunian, ahhh how beautiful, we connected tonight, i'll remember you, our journeys connected for this one beautiful moment, farewell, etc. sagittarius-y too, which makes sense with his 7th house. like it's bullshit in a way but it's not bullshit to him, u know?

man i hope he is good at communication, because this is giving manic pixie dream boy in a huge way. lmaoooo, i can't lie it's kind of fun to me? gemini sun to gemini rising, this is fun!

ok let's add some qualifiers, aspects with less than 2° orb (so they're strong, is what i'm saying)

square libra chiron in the 5th at 29° (0.07°A) yeah so um, that's likely more of the same sort of theme (5th house includes casual romantic relationships), but more neuroses about it. -> on some level he's a little afraid to let people stay--like he's not at all afraid of connection, but he is afraid of sustained connection -> he is also afraid of NOT GETTING ENOUGH ATTENTION!!! (5th house) but he's very cute and earnest about it. he probably feels genuinely upset and remorseful if someone feels led on by him. -> also like, fifth house as childhood, who hurt you mingyu??? who discouraged your artistic expression when u were a kid??? were you discouraged from expressing urself for social conformity reasons?? did u feel shame about breaking the peace and ur need for attention?? man that saturn and SN in the 10th... mars in the 4th... pluto squaring your MC-IC... heal ur inner child mingyu 😭

quincunx gemini ascendant (1.57°A) : in one sense mingyu is acting in a genuine way and if people don't get that that's their problem, but at the same time the projections occur, and make him feel like he's not being perceived as his true self :/ is it because people think you're a dom top when you're actually a sub service top... jw -> the quincunx is a thinky thinky aspect--whenever i see it i know the person can analyze that shit (and too much probably, with another strong quincunx between mingyu's mercury and pluto) -> mingyu's Life Journey is about communicating (gemini) and asserting himself (aries), and his neptune issues (escapism, martyring himself, ghosting) come into conflict with that journey

conjunct pallas (0.42°S): ok. well. this is where my head really turned for mingyu, like damn bud he has the Vision. -> amazing natural leader, inspiring, strategic, problem-solver, finds creative solutions out of nowhere. -> sometimes an active neptune can lead to an easily bruised quality (i love her but blackpink jennie (neptune conjunct sun) was like this before her saturn return[in pisces!]). with that pisces moon i had assumed mingyu would get this too but!! he does not. he has a deep, unshakable like... belief? connection with the universe in a way?? he knows he can get through anything; he's incredibly resilient. -> sidebar pallas is at 0° aquarius-- he is smart smart smart, really quick thinker

trine gemini juno in his 12th house (1.5°S): goddamnit this chart keeps getting cuter but not too cute, i'm so mad. he's a natural caretaker and nurturer, especially with this being in a water houses trine. people look at him and are like, immediately ready to confess all their troubles. he's so nurturing!! if you have mommy issues, mingyu could appeal to you! (oh shit is that why this is working on me...? lmao uh oh) -> gemini juno in the 12th, he likes a partner who is clever, communicative, variable, possibly who plays hard to get sometimes, in the 12th he wants to feel like Fated to that person, however likely to have lots of undefined relationships and/or secret relationships and/or issues with partners meaning ill towards him or causing him harm directly or indirectly (not a guarantee, just a possibility)

bucket chart with a 4th house mars handle: go go go! (home? NO! the CLUB! then home :) )

mingyu has a bucket chart pattern--almost all of his planets are in one half of his chart--mostly the upper half (public facing, life is about external situations), but there are two in the lower half--pluto and mars. OHHHH boy, he's got some subconscious brewing down there, baby!! 6th house pluto and virgo mars can u say... anxiety???

notably, mars is our "bucket handle", since it's off by itself. it's gonna flavor the whoooooole pot, and since it's down by the IC in the most private and personal part of the chart, it's like mingyu holds this very close to his chest.

bucket chart patterns usually mean EXTREMES, pushing urself, conflict, all that kind of thing, and mars as the bucket handle??? lmao. life is about ACTION.

however. mars is in virgo in the 4th house and retrograde, this isn't a straightforward fiery direct mars in aries in the first or something. he is very go go go but also there's a lot of fear and restriction in there. also virgo is about SERVICE, so that is key (and: service top energy???)

any planet trying to make a move: so yeah that's my plan, i just need you to sign off, so if you can do that real quick... mars rx: hey :) you gotta learn how to assert yourself in your own individual way that is free from societal pressure :) u won't learn this for a long time so :) hope you enjoy things going wrong :) virgo mars: i have made 8 lists and cross-referenced all of them and then i will make a decision but wait what if i made a mistake, hm let's make another 2 lists, why are you getting impatient there is no point doing something if i do not do it correctly, mars in the 4th house: no yeah that's fine i can um. i can do all that. for sure. no problem. just gotta... cancel all my other plans so i can do everything myself since i'm the ONLY one who can,,,,, so, ,,

-> quincunx 11th house aries venus: (mars trying to throttle venus for impulsive choices because of social pressures YET AGAIN) -> quincunx 11th house aries sun: (following aries sun to parties whispering how have you been of service lately in his ear while he takes another shot) the perfectionism really jumps out in this whole area of the chart, plus the heavy 10th house -> conjunct lilith: oooh boy!! energy, charm, willpower, sexual magnetism, assertive, basically like injecting cautious virgo mars with a bit of scorpio and a bit of aries, ooohHHHH boy. his action and will is based on passion! however, potential to dominate situations and/or make rash emotional decisions (virgo mars hates this) -> conjunct virgo lilith in the 4th house: perfectionism runs rife, also some issues with the family (esp with his mars being in the 4th)--could be family secrets, or he feels beholden to his family all the time, or he didn't feel like he belonged in his family, or something else, but it leads to a certain masking quality for self-protection. -----> especially with this conjunction directly opposed to his 10th house moon--possibly an unhealthy relationship with his mother or another parent-like figure, enmeshment or just a ton of pressure on him (and possibly the reverse, pressure taken off him when it's not necessary). a lot to unravel here for him, lots of generational stuff at play, this is less fun and honestly more red flag-y? but it could also be just another thing to help him be even more empathetic, it really depends on how he deals with it!

mutable cross, mutable planets

rare is the aries sun who vibes like a mutable sign. despite clearly having an aries sun, mingyu has a shitton of mutable energy muddying the waters. very weird for cardinal fire aries!

so mingyu is fire dominant, with water coming a close second. then mutable energy goes crazy.

mingyu's angles are in a mutable square--gemini ascendant, sagittarius descendant, pisces MC, virgo IC.

mingyu's cardinal sun, saturn and venus might feel awkward with like his life direction and shape, in a sense. his mutable placements (his pisces moon, lunar nodes, virgo mars and even his sag pluto which is generational) gel with the way his life moves and may feel more "accessible" to him. it's an interesting combination!

pisces moon in the 10th house -- deeply empathetic, need for emotional contact, softness, but also expects a lot of himself (10th house), it's the highest planet on the chart so it's visible, easily accessible, very public. HUGE sense of responsibility to others.

virgo mars in the 4th house -- precision, energy, highly competent, good at "home" stuff, probably good at DIY and cooking and anything homemaking, also very high expectations of himself, loves to Provide

sag pluto in the 6th house -- pluto in the 6th house is all about Service, which literally was already point 1 and 2 on this list, so this is what is called a "repeated theme" lads! mingyu's soul journey has a huge slice about service to others. pluto in the 6th is all about getting humbled, lmao. he may go through crises or just humiliation in some way, whatever it takes for the soul to get a reality check. this placement can be prone to over-work, distracting themselves from anxiety, that sort of thing. a crisis that may happen often does through the body--illness or injury forcing someone to have to slow down and assess shit.

while we're here, let's look at his MC

in pisces: at work/in the wider world he moves in a sensitive, artistic way, very empathetic, he needs to be able to be creative and to connect with other people in order to feel satisfied professionally neptune decan: all that projection, tho conjunct the royal star fomalhaut: this was super interesting to me--any royal star in close conjunction with someone's chart will bring gifts and success and the opportunity to share a message w the world, but it will also make you go through Trials. mingyu's neptune is already putting him through Trials so like join the club i guess!! -> pros: wisdom, empathy, artistic talent -> cons: intense very visible emotions, aforementioned Trials

let's add some dialogue with the aspects, shall we?

pisces MC: i meet the world with sensitivity and empathy :) if i don't get to do that professionally i feel incomplete :( sextile taurus mercury in the 11th: my talent for communication aligns perfectly with my career :) also i have a nice down-to-earth and sensible vibe :) i love to chill with my friends and like-minded groups of people :) trine chiron: wow i am so wise :) feeling stifled creatively when i was young has made me value what i have now! i can heal others through my artistic expression! square pluto: knock knock pisces MC: no... no don't do it... square pluto: say who's there. never mind i don't care, it's time to force that transformation, baby!! pisces MC: but my escapism? square sag pluto in the 6th: not anymore :) damn look at that, now you have a slight terror around your need to be liked... a deep inability to follow orders you think are stupid... pisces MC: at least i have a cute duality between innocence and wisdom now? square pluto in the 6th: hey u know that deep soul level feeling of lack and internalized guilt that permeates everything? hm what if that could be fixed... with enough power/success/approval from other people pisces MC: but it's ... it's never going to be enough? square pluto: but it's never going to be enough :)

active 9th, 10th, 11th house: Externally Focused, Extrovert Style

(not that people with these placements are all extroverts, it's just the whole picture is screaming SOCIAL BUTTERFLY here)

-jupiter in the 9th: he's live laugh loving, he's listening and learning, he's on a Journey, jupiter's favorite house is the 9th and she can't wait to tell you about her backpacking trip (mingyu loves a backpacking trip) -> jupiter in aquarius: curiosity! interested in new ideas, also thinks he's right all the time -> jupiter sextile sun (exact orb): people like him! he has a talent for literally shining, but also projecting and expanding the vision of the self -> 9th jupiter sextile 11th sun: talent for communicating ideas to groups of people -> jupiter sextile venus: people really like him very much -> jupiter square vertex in gemini: you know that sylvia plath quote about the fig tree? that. so many possibilities! sometimes gets disappointed because he has really high expectations. wants everything all at once! cannot have :(

aries sun in the 11th: SOCIAL!!! also smart. wants to be influential with groups, is already influential with groups, feels he is not influential enough? natural leader tho. -> also super loyal! -> sun conjunct venus (exact): very pretty :) very charming :) very adorable :) gentle :) sweet :) NEEDS TO BE LOVED BY EVERYONE ALL THE TIME OR HE WILL WILT!!! HIS FEELINGS WERE HURT BECAUSE U DIDN'T GIVE HIM ENOUGH ATTENTION!! aries venus in the 11th: flirts by teasing someone, wants to be flirted with by teasing, also would prefer this to happen in public where everyone can observe and he can feel like a special boy (he is a special boy!!) -> insanely huge social circle, CONSTANTLY out, hates being alone, loves the club, loves to flirt with e-v-e-r-y-one. also falls in love with everyone, but for like 30-50 seconds each. -> venus quincunx mars: a little afraid of serious conflict for an aries sun!! asteroid sedna in the 11th: mmm. a little bit of a doormat at times for his friends. will give the shirt off his back, and then all the shirts from his closet, then be like wait :( i have no shirts :( why didn't someone give me their shirts???? why am i always the one giving shirts???? hopefully his aries energy can balance this out. mercury in the 11th: lives to communicate with others. wants to share his thoughts and ideas!! ability to analyze things! -> taurus mercury: when he has made his decision about something, good luck changing his mind lmao it ain't happening -> taurus mercury in the 11th: fixed energy on fixed house energy, unbelievably stubborn, lord with the aries sun as well... ... god bless. i mean i think this combo is fun, but... .... yeah don't try to change his mind ever, just manipulate him into it, it'll be easier for both of you. -> quincunx pluto in the 6th: some anxiety and fear here--does he like overshare when he gets drunk at a party and then regrets it and crashes out a little bit the next day?? very possible. -> sextile MC: lucky! his need to communicate is matched perfectly with his public persona -> taurus sextile pisces MC: he has (a) a talent for communicating in a way that has people emotionally connecting and (b) a certain level of realism and practicality protects him from having the tissue paper boundaries of many pisces MCs

moon in the 10th: have discussed a little, but having the most sensitive intimate moon (pisces) in the most public business boy house can feel weird sometimes, a little bit vulnerable, however he is well-loved -> conjunct SN: SENSITIVE saturn in the 10th: the 10th is saturn's favorite house, it's the house of Getting Real and Growing The Hell Up and Having Expectations That Are Maybe Unrealistic and then Beating Urself Up For Not ACHIEVING ENOUGH... i mean. however saturn is a rude bitch so even when your saturn is a place where he is comfortable, he will still fuck up your shit :/ don't get me wrong i love saturn, but i do not think that mingyu loves saturn? aries and saturn... well. -> aries saturn in the 10th: a whole mess of contradictions. starting and stopping, rushing and waiting, wanting to SHINE and being terrified of shining? -> saturn conjunct sun: was his dad... really strict? bright side, huge amounts of self-discipline, hard worker, reliable, very different flavor of an aries sun. still an aries sun, though, you cannot quash the aries sun. also SKY HIGH expectations of himself.

stay tuned for ur saturn return starting 24 may 2025, mingyu, it's gonna rock your shit up 😬. ahh lord, look at this!! i'm not even a predictive astrology girlie and i went "uh oh..."

like, his saturn return as our foundational issue, then saturn activating his moon, SN, saturn, sun, venus? pluto activating the 8th the whole time? squaring his mercury? uranus activating the 12th?? nodal reversal?? damn that is... a lot of upheaval and transformation and change, bud. neptune haunting the 10th like "hey... what if all ur future plans... were all wrong? no i do not have an alternative plan for u i'm just here to tell u ur lost :)"

great if he deals with things productively, however It Hurts To Become and all that!!

godspeed, mingyu, at least you bagged another admirer on this day (my dumb ass)

#kpop astrology #seventeen astrology #mingyu astrology

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middaydolomite · 1 year ago

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Looking Out for Each Other

New blog post: Looking Out for Each Other.

One of the best pieces for anyone looking to be published is to fully read the submission guidelines for any publisher you wish to contact. It came to my attention late last week that Auroras & Blossoms is soliciting submissions with conditions that many writers and editors consider unfair and unorthodox. You can read some reactions to these guidelines online and find links to the publisher’s…

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#auroras & blossoms #blogging #editing #fiction #prose #Publishing #science fiction and fantasy writers association #writer beware #writing

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byoldervine · 1 year ago

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What Common Writing Phrases Actually Mean

For years I assumed a lot of the common writing phrases that get thrown around were just generic things that were never actually going to help people write because it doesn't actually tell you what to do. But recently I've been able to work out the meanings for a few of them and I'd like to share them with my fellow writers, especially for my fellow NDs with literal thinking

"Write what you know" - it doesn't mean that you should only write what you're already familiar with, it means to do your research, gain knowledge and go from there; if you haven't done the research, don't write about it *until you have*, not just shrug your shoulders and find something else without ever trying to write it. Additionally, things will have more of an emotional impact if you write about things you yourself have experienced, or when you tie in your own experiences to something; you’ve probably (and hopefully) never had acid thrown in your face, but you’ve probably gotten shampoo in your eye and can amp that experience up

"Writing is a discipline"/"Write even when you're not motivated" - my reaction to this was always that, since I was only doing this for fun and didn't have any deadline to meet, why should I force myself to write even when I don't want to? But what they're trying to say with this is to make sure you have some level of consistent progress, even if it's only one sentence every week; having a minimum level of progress you can count on is an absolute lifesaver when writing, as well as being motivating in its own right

"Edit as you go" - this one really doesn't mean to change up your entire chapter every single time you get a new sentence down, it means to take breaks from writing new chapters to reflect back on what you've previously written and make sure to fix up any inconsistencies while the next few chapters are still fresh in your mind. Outside of SPAG mistakes or quick one-sentence-or-less tweaks I generally wouldn't advise properly editing the same chapter you just wrote simply because you could easily burn yourself out speedrunning to the final draft before you even get to chapter two

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bullet-prooflove · 5 months ago

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Anything That Truly Matters: Max Bankman x Tristan Silva x Reader

Tagging: @burningpeachpuppy @kmc1989 @ilariyalavorowrites @the-girl-who-used-to-write @i-wish-i-had-an-accent

Companion piece to:

The Photographer

It’s five in the morning when you creep into your cabin, exhausted from a night spent editing and organising pictures. Your eyes feel like they’re trying to burn their way out of their sockets and you’re filled with a sense of exhaustion that makes every step momentous. You can’t even be bothered to undress by the time you collapse onto the mattress because all you want to do is sleep.

You’re just starting to drift off when you hear the door open and two pairs of footsteps padding across the carpet.

Max and Tristan.

You usually return to your own cabin instead of Max’s after a formal night so you don’t wake the either of them. You know they have a long day with Wellness Week amping up and they both need their beauty rest.

“I love you both dearly.” You mumble into the pillow as you feel Max’s gentle hand on your ankle removing your shoes. “But I’m not up for any fun right now.”

“We know my love.” Tristan’s lips ghost over your ear as he draws down the zipper of your jumpsuit. “We’re here to take care of you.”

They undress you together, Max’s teasing fingers guiding the fabric from your body, Tristan’s tender kisses lingering on your skin as his hands ghost over your flesh, warming it against the cold chill in the air.

The scent of patchouli floods your system. Max’s rich woody undertone mixed with the zest of Tristan’s fresh citrus as one of their t-shirts is draped over you, the material hugging your form.

“Come on baby.” Max whispers against your lips as he pulls back the sheets. “Let’s get you under the covers.”

Tristan’s already guiding you back down onto the mattress and you sigh contently as Max tucks the sheets in around you, enveloping you in a cocoon of comfort. His hand runs lightly over your hair as your breath starts to even out, your muscles relaxing.

“Tristan will be back to check on you in a while.” He murmurs and you grumble your acknowledgement, burying your face even further into the pillow.

It’s outside of the room that Tristan confronts Max because it’s usually the two of them that check in on you, that climb into bed alongside you for a nap or a little play before you disappear for another busy evening.

“I know what you’re doing.” He says with his hands on his hips as they stand close together in the corridor, their voices low. “You’re starting to pull away from her.”

“No, I’m…” Max sighs, his palm rubbing over the nape of his neck. “The two of you haven’t had much time together recently and I want you to have that, to enjoy it in case…”

In case you do choose to leave.

“Max…” Tristan chides with a mirthless smile. “You can’t kid a kidder. I know this has to be breaking your heart, it’s breaking mine too but if you start to draw away from us, from her, you’re going to risk losing something wonderful, something that only comes around once in a lifetime.”

Max swallows hard against the ache in his chest. He spent an awful long time alone during his COVID isolation, his world was just one room, no human contact. It feels like that when he considers a life without you, without Tristian. A world devoid of colour, without joy.

“I love the two of you so much.” He finds himself telling Tristan as he looks into his eyes, his own stinging with emotion. “I don’t want to think about…”

He can’t bring himself to say the words, he knows that Tristan understands. He’s the only other person alive that could.

“I know it hurts.” Tristian whispers, his palm coming to rest on the space where Max’s heart resides, his thumb tracing tiny circles over the fabric of his shirt. It’s a gesture that soothes Max, that brings him back to the present when he goes back to that time, before you, before Tristan. “Anything that truly matters always does.”

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ostensiblynone · 3 months ago

Text

Melody Maker, 1st October 1994 Page 54 and Page 55 CONTROL ZONE: HI-TECH LOW DOWN Edited by Tony Horkins

AS salvage jobs go, Oasis' debut, "Definitely Maybe", is an extraordinary achievement. Within days of its release it had waltzed into the history books, becoming the fastest selling independent debut in UK history, with advance orders totaling 100,000. Recorded at a total cost of £75,000 using seven different studios, the album betrays few of the problems that dogged its tortured seven-month gestation. "Recording an album should never have been this difficult," reflects Noel Gallagher. "I was busy telling everyone it was the greatest record ever made but it was sounding like shit."

DECEMBER 17-20, 1993 "Supersonic" recorded and mixed by Dave Scott at the Pink Museum, Liverpool, Mark Coyle producing. The first Oasis single, the track was later re-Eq'd for the album.

Dave Scott: "Anthony from The Real People came down to the studio and asked Noel what he was doing pissing about writing indie shit when Oasis were supposed to be a rock'n'roll band. That's when "Supersonic" was written. Noel just started on the riff and they did it first take with him shouting the chord changes to the band as he went, and rapping lyrics off the top of his head which Liam later sang. That line ' know a girl call Elsa, she's into Alka Seltzer'— that was about my Rotweiller dog that kept farting. She's famous for it. The whole thing took eight hours from start to master. We had a very live set-up — 57s, 414s and 58s on the guitars and loads of level to tape. Noel's guitar sound is mostly room ambience."

Mark Coyle: "They had this f—in' brilliant old custom EMI Neve desk in at the time. It was like the old Abbey Road desk, and the EQ section was amazing — huge knobs, chunky faders and everything but the 1028 EQ section was great."

Noel: "The song just came out of nowhere and I knew it was a f—in' classic single as soon as we'd finished."

JANUARY 8-23, 1994 Monnow Valley Studios, Residential studios, Monmouth. First attempt at recording the album tracks. Producer Dave Bachelor, engineers Dave Scott, Mark Coyle, Anjali Dutt. (Trident TSM 40 desk, Studer 24-track Dolby AM series, JBL monitoring, Urei 1176 Limiters, Trident parametric EQs, AMS and Lexicon PCM 70 reverbs).

Noel: "The problems started almost from the beginning. It wasn't with the band, apart from our drummer, who's Ringo Starr incarnate and can't keep time to save his f—in' life. Dave Bachelor was trying to be clever. We're a rock'n'roll band and he was separating everything out, doing it clean and it was sounding too produced."

Mark Coyle: "It was a simple case of conflicting ideas between producer and band. The band weren't blameless, mind—they were using a lot of unfamiliar gear just cause it was there…amps, preamps, gadgets and guitars that Johnny had lent Noel. It ended up sound like just another indie band doing Oasis songs. Dave just wore everyone down to the point where the band clammed tight shut and the communication wasn't happening. He had everyone set up in their own area, separated and out of eye contact and he lost the feel. After the first week, when it was obvious it wasn't working, we moved everything into a smaller area of the studio and tried again."

Dave Scott: "I knew it wasn't working. Bachelor rubbed 'em up the wrong way and he wasn't spending enough time on the sounds themselves. When Liam dared to suggest that what he was doing sounded crap he freaked out. With what went down that day he was lucky not to have his nose broken by the band.

"The set-up itself wasn't that bad, though. We had a good selection of 57s and 58s on the kit, Noel's WEM Dominator amp sounded f—in' great, which we miked with an AKG 414 close up and then another to capture the room. We also used the Marshall JCM 900, I recall. The bass was Dld and the Ampeg amp was miked with a U47, and that went down really well. Bonehead was using my old Gibson SG, same one he'd used on 'Supersonic', and then his Epiphone semi. Noel was using his Epiphone Les Pauls and a few of Johnny Marr's guitars, including a Flying V which he used on 'Slide Away', I think. Although 'Slide Away' has Dave's name on it on the production credits, I remember him trying to slow it right down. His original version sounded very bombastic, very Pink Floyd, like 'Comfortably Numb'. Noel asked my opinion and I said they should play it at the speed they had when they first wrote it."

24-27 FEBRUARY Olympic Studios, Barnes. First attempted mixdown of the Monnow Valley tracks. Finished mixes included "Bring It On Down". Sessions abandoned after four days.

Mark: "The sound was piss weak at the mix. The guitars in particular had all the life squashed out of them. When we'd done monitor mixes at Monnow, Dave was saying we could fix it all in the mix and I think we all knew it was a more fundamental problem than that."

Noel: "I was arsed. I knew it wasn't right but I was that fed up with it all I'd begun not to care. I know that a song never comes out on tape the way it sounds in your head, but these mixes were so wide of the mark it was a f—in' joke. The demos were better."

Marcus Russell: "I listened to the mixes and it was sonically weak, like it was recorded 40,000 leagues under the sea. Dave Bachelor had neutered the band. 'Bring It On Down', the first mix, was almost bled to death. I said to Alan McGee (Creation records boss), 'F—, we've got problems.' He agreed, so did Noel and on the 27 February we abandoned the mix and went back to record the tracks again at Sawmills. Mark was perfect for the production, because he knew the band and their music from being their live engineer for so long."

Noel: "The only track that survived from the Monnow sessions was 'Slide Away', and that's because the performance was that special we knew we couldn't better it. Our Kid's vocals were never going to happen that way again."

23 FEB-4 MARCH Sawmills Studios Cornwall. (Trident Custom 80B with fader automation, Otari MTR 90 24-track AMs DMX, Yamaha Rev 1, Lexicon 480L PCM 70, Fairchild compression, Urei 176, Trident parametric EQs).

Mark: "Because I was their live engineer I knew we had to 'capture' this band rather than produce them."

Noel: "Talk about being isolated! sawmills is miles from f—in' anywhere — you had to get there by boat when the tide was in. We needed to get away from Manchester, London or Liverpool because of the distractions. We had all the tracks done and overdubbed inside 10 days, just whacked through them every day until we had the right takes."

Mark: "They had this amazing Trident console in there, an old series 80B (54-24-24) that had just the best EQ section ever, a load of those old Fairchild valve compressors and Neve limiters, and it just seemed to have a better vibe to it. My approach was to just set them up like they are when they rehearse or play live, where they can see each other, get that vibe going between them and power up."

Noel: "It was f—in' loud in there, no one had headphones on, we just blasted it out. I still have the ringing in my ears."

Mark: "There was total bleed from tracks and you got guitar on the drum mics and drums on everything, but who the f— cares? I'm a fan of that approach, the big fat analogue sound they used to get on Small Faces or Beatles records. Most stuff went to tape with plenty of level with a little EQ on the drums but essentially flat."

Noel: "Once the rhythm tracks were sorted I overdubbed all the guitar parts ane had a laff. We just put loads on there cause the ideas just kept coming."

7-8, 11-13, 16-22, 24-25 MARCH First mixdown of Sawmills sessions at Eden studios, London. Mark Coyle producing, Anjali Dutt engineering, Simon Wall assisting (SSL 4060E with G series Onboard, Total Recall, Studer A 800 24-track with Dolby 361s. Monitoring Quested 2X15s, AR18s, Yamaha NS10s and Auratones. Lexicon 480L, AMS RMX 16 Reverbs, Urei limiters, Drawmer gates and 1960 Valve compression). Mark: "I don't like SSLs much, I prefer a group of people around the faders working the desk and the sound of a good warm EQ section. SSLs make everything sound a bit weedy cause you lose quite a bit of signal in the EQ stage. The reason we went there was because Anjali [Dutt] knew it and had her favorite EQ with her from Battery studios."

Despite the quality of the performances Mark Coyle had captured at The Sawmills, The Eden mixes still proved unsatisfactory.

Marcus Russell: "Some of the vocals were a little shaky but I knew the performances were essentially there, they just needed sorting out. That's where Owen Morris came in. I knew him from his work with Johnny [Marr] and Electronic, and if anyone could sort it out he could.

Twenty-six-year-old freelance producer/engineer Morris is credited as the man who turned things around. His mixes of the Sawmill sessions make up the majority of the album. They include "Rock'n'roll Star", "Cigarettes & Alcohol", "Shakermaker", "Live Forever", "Up In The Sky", "Columbia", "Bring It On Down", "Sad Song", "Digsy's Dinner" and the remix of the original "Slide Away".

17-18 APRIL Out Of The Blue studios Manchester (TAC Magnum desk with Otari 24 track.) "Shakermaker" original Mark Coyle demo recording and "Cigarettes & Alcohol".

Mark: "'Shakermaker' is the original demo tarted up. It had such a brilliant feel we couldn't think about doing it again. No gate and none of this limiting bollocks on there, just maximum sound to tape."

23-24 APRIL Mixes of "Rock'n'roll Star" and "Columbia" by Owen Morris at Loco studios Wales.

2-3 MAY Final weekend of mix of the album's remaining tracks at Matrix, London. Owen Morris producing/engineering. Marcus Russell spiritual guidance and booze monitor.

Noel: "There comes a point where you just have to trust people. We were off on tour, rehearsing and the whole thing in the press was just going mental."

Owen Morris: "I just finished it all off really. I'd heard some of the monitor mixes of Monnow Valley stuff and it's best described as pretty strange. The Sawmills mixes were every odd too, still trying to be too clever. Things were gated and tidied up. It was very un-Oasis. I mixed 'Rock'n'roll Star' and Columbia one weekend, got Liam in to re-do the vocals and they loved it. We mixed the rest of the album in four days at Matrix!

"The biggest problem was the guitars. Noel would fill 10 tracks with stuff all the way through. If you put all the faders up it was a real mess. But by this time the band were that fed up they couldn't be arsed about which one to use, so I acted as producer and did it myself. I just got stoned and worked on arrangements. As you can tell from the album I go for the old Shel Talmy technique and compress the f— out of everything. The most obvious example of that is 'Columbia'. I put tape delays on the kits with a kind of Phil Spector or a Tony Visconti sound in mind. He had a great way of placing sounds, especially guitars. I ripped him off as much as I could, especially on Columbia.

"The actual set-up was pretty much the same for each track. In Loco there was an Amek Mozart and I hired in an Excel compressor and Mini Moog, which we used as a crude filter circuit. It takes off all the top so you just end up with a really fat bass sound. I used an A3 for a Leslie effect and a Lexicon to pitch change and basically shit-loads of compression on everything. The only real effects are imaging programs, stereo shifters and stuff to spread the guitars out. I ended up using a DSP 4000 on the vocals, and it sounded f—in' amazing. Myself and Liam actually took a weekend to re-do the vocals on five tracks—'Cigarettes & Alcohol', 'Bring It On Down', 'Up In The Sky' and a couple of others, using an old pencil-thin AKG that was apparently used on 'Sergeant Pepper'. That mic was perfect because it had natural compression. His voice went flat to tape through the DBX 160. On Liam's voice I put a little bit of anything that happened to be hanging about. There was very little EQing, though, except when I used the DSP 4000, because the anti-glitch program dulls the sound.

"The only real problems I had with the actual performances was the groove on the drums. The drumming was okay—he kind of starts then stops at the end of the song, but sometimes it lacked groove and he hasn't got a great sounding drumkit. I used a lot of subliminal tape delays on a Revox, eighth delays to create movement. As for Bonehead's rhythm tracks, he was brilliant on every single one! Unbelievably tight and solid to the point where you didn't worry about his stuff at all."

"'Cigarettes & Alcohol' was the last mix I did. I confess, I was that drunk and stoned at the end I just put the tape on and stuck the faders up, hence all the noise."

22 JUNE "Sad Song", the bonus track on the vinyl, recorded and mixed at The Windings, Wrexham by Owen Morris.

Noel: "When the vinyl cut of the album was done the grooves were so close, because of the album's length, that it didn't sound powerful enough. In the end we put it out as two 12 inches and we recorded an extra track to fill it up. I demoed the song live on a Radio 1 session then went into the studio the next day and banged it inside two hours using my Epiphone acoustics (Dreadnought 6 and 12-strings). It's my voice on there—Our Kid could never sing a song like that." (The mics used were an AKG 414 on the guitars with a B&K P48 on the room ambience, and a Neumann U87 on vocals. The desk was an Amek Mozart, the reverb was a medium room reflection on a Lexicon PCM 70).

Finally, although the exact date is lost forever in the foggy recesses of Mark Coyle and Noel Gallagher's collective consciousness, we do know the final track on the CD version of the album, the poignant acoustic number "Married With Children" was recorded in Mark Coyle's living room on a Fostex eight-track. Noel played his Epiphone acoustic, and the album was finished. . .

#oasis #owen morris #anjali dutt #marcus russell #the story of how Supersonic was written has been edited down over the years I see #as always click for high-resolution

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