#ye... ye

[halfbaked00q]

For the Bond goes to Q's night club and does bdsm badly [tags: bdsm, s/D AU, subspace]:

I sometimes indulge in reading the s/D alternate universe fics. I'm sure they are super problematic; subs sort of have to go into subspace regularly to be healty and yada yada. So all of this is, ya, know. Not how it works irl. Don't take sex-ed from fics kids, but here's a thing, yeah? Cause I like you sprinkling up my dash with wild little 00q ingredients, and so I baked some trashcan cake for you:

He's hanging from the cross in one of the private rooms. Q has just managed to clear everyone out and is now standing here studying Bond and his disconcertingly back-to-normal breathing pattern. He can look his fill for once; Bond's eyes are closed.

His mind is still buzzing from the confrontation with the other Dom. From the way his thoughts had screeched to a halt when he recognized exactly who was at the cross.

He's come to some rapid realizations, the major one being that Bond is, in fact, a sub. All those times he's donned that macho agent persona have somehow been an act.

It boils Q's blood to know that--

To know what exactly? It shouldn't change anything. 007 is one of MI6's most competent agents; his denomination doesn't change that. Of course not. It makes it more impressive, probably.

But as Q watches the tightly controled way Bond counts each breath, his eyes tightly shut, inches from subspace but unable to quite reach it, he can't help but burn.

Bond must have been so fucking desperate to seek it out like this. He shoudln't have had to. Q should have figured it out. He should have stepped in. Should have known.

There's always been something there. The way Bond--James, really--would sometimes look all washed out, eyes snapping to Q as soon as he entered the room no matter how tired he was. The way he'd buckle against orders, but then relent beautifully when Q laced his voice with command just so. The way Q hadn't been able to stop himself from watching him, even knowing--wrongly, it turns out--that they were incompatible.

Standing here, now, Q feels like he's been cored out by a lightning strike. His insides burn with the realization, with how possessive he feels, how much he needs to be the one taking care of him. To make this right.

All in due time, though. First he's going to take care of this mess. Then there will be time to take them somewhere more private (home). To give Bond care and safety and what he really needs. Q is going to make that happen even if he has to bend the whole of reality to his will, he knows this the way he knows he could take apart nations. He's going to get what he wants and there will be nothing standing in his way.

He takes a breath and centers himself. He can do this.

"James," he says, the name feeling oh-so-right on his lips, "Open your eyes for me."

HELLO. HI. HELLO.

and yea just to repeat what I said before- anon if bdsm aus are bad then I dont wanna be right dot meme. I love bdsm aus and like. cmon are they any more ""problematic"" so-called than, like, A/B/O, or like what ppl have turned Sentinel/Guide AUs into (like the ones where there's an invented society where guides are systematically oppressed dare I say, even, rather like trafficked or enslaved?) etc etc

but um 😳😳😳😳😳 the fact that u took the concept & made it a BDSM AU.... and Bond is a sub that no one knew is a sub, and the way it being BDSM adds an Edge to the "needs the relief of subspace but Can't so seeking like a brute-force override via an excess of pain"....... ough ough ough. i feel like im chewing on a live wire zzzzzzzzztttt. kisses on the moutb for you too mwa mwa ough ough woof

[lieutenant-sarcastic]

Fuck moon’s taking poison damage

[mallalada]

the voice of the devil

[goldensunset]

you! tumblr user!

[fl3a-bag]

It’s their greatest invention as of yet

[bloodbending]

can’t believe tiktok is actually getting banned, twitter is infested with bots and brainworm-infested musk bootlickers, facebook is king of QAnon, instagram caught the plague from facebook and is dying a slow death in real time… and as the dust settles… only Miss Tumblr is left standing… failing upwards once again

[teaboot]

Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

[planefood]

When was the last time you ate something green and NO GREEN M&M'S DON'T COUNT

[irate-iguana]

Yesterday night, I asked my parents to remind me to return The Terror (2018) to the video rental store. This morning I woke up to two — momentarily confusing and concerning — text notifications:

[nutmargaret]

macarons

[yesornopolls]

do you think you could take a vampire?

[noodles-and-tea]

Last one from the archives

[pocketdogs]

a customer returned a drink because a fly flew into it and said: “one of your flies flew into my drink” and my coworker was so confused that they just said: “…my fly?”

[some-pers0n]

I hate how people will look at popular indie artists who had one or two songs go viral on TikTok and start making fun of anybody who listens to them. "Oh you listen to Lemon Demon, Will Wood, Jack Stauber, Glass Animals, and Mother Mother? Tsk, don't you know that is stupid TikTok neurodivergent white transmasc preteen music? It's so mid and bad you should listen to real music–" you are a pit of misery

[saddest-girl-in-the-whole-world]

I will NEVER not fuck with women using a traditionally masculine title. Tell me more about that girl that's also a prince.