#yeah fuck Cullen he’s lame

[crimsonmoonlite]

Loser. - Jacob Black X Mike Newton X Edward Cullen - 18+ MPreg - 3. Pining For Each Other

AN: So, Vampires are going to follow more vampire diaries lore. I also know that this diverges from the canon timeline. I didn't know if I wanted this to be a rewrite of the series or an AU. It's leaning more toward AU for now. Please tell me if you would like a revision of the series. Beau would be in place of Bella... or the twin :p. January 29th, 2006 11:42 PM Jacob was drawing in his notebook instead of taking notes. He was supposed to be watching an educational video, but he could not focus since all he could think about was Mike... and Bella being in Italy with all those fucking bloodsuckers. There were about 60 people in the reservation high school, but he was 1 of 10 seniors.

"Jake, Stop wasting the internet," Mrs. Uley slapped him on the back of the head, taking off the headphones and picking him up from the seat by the scruff of his neck. He returned to his desk, ignoring his paperwork and continuing to draw. As he looked at it, the sketch looked like a mix of Mike and Bella. He rolled his eyes and began to run his hands through his hair, which was a stress relief... forgetting that it was shaved off.

"Hi, Jake, what's wrong?" Seth popped his head over the cubicle, "Can you help me with this math problem? Mrs. Uley doesn't know it," He rambled. He was a smart kid, the only 12-year-old in his freshman year since his mother was in the school.

"I am still in 10th-grade math," Jacob whispered.

"Jacob! Seth! get back to work!" Mrs. Uley snapped. Seth knitted his eyebrows together as he didn't like to get in trouble.

"Sorry," He whispered to Jacob, "What crawled up Mrs. Uley's skirt!" He shouted, then widened his eyes as he realized he had just yelled the insult he had meant to whisper to Jacob.

"Clearwater, you will be in detention for lunch for the next three months!"

"Awe, man..." Seth whined as everyone in the class began to snicker.

Jacob closed his notebook and picked up his packet of homework from last night to get started on. He had only doubled the workload for himself as he had slacked off all morning. He was going to have to repeat his senior year. He was horrible at schoolwork. His father would rather roast him alive before he let him drop out. He opened his packet only to be met with a small note falling out of the page he had opened.

'You need to claim or scent Mike. Sam is going crazy trying not to claim him for himself, and so are the newer betas.'

The note needed to be signed, of course. When he looked around, he saw Quil looking at him, quickly burying his face in his packet. Jacob was on pack probation. It was like being grounded... but the entire pack was to ignore him until the Alpha told them to stop. It was supposed to make the Beta realize they needed their pack and stop getting into fights with everyone. Quil was his best friend, but he was one of the first to shift, so he was pretty submissive to Sam... it was in his nature. Jacob knew he shouldn't break his probation restricting not going home when he wasn't at school, but Jacob Black was no one's bitch.

-------

12:19 AM

"Mike, Hello?" Angela asked, returning him to reality, "We were talking about winter formal?"

"Yeah, you missed that Eric finally convinced me to let him escort me to the dance," Jessica flipped her hair, trying to get Mike jealous, but it didn't work. He only asked her to homecoming last year because he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"No... We were discussing how we would dip out of the dance committee. It was lame for us to campaign to get it in when we were freshmen... it's lame," Eric changed the subject because he feared he would make Mike jealous. Newton was glad he got that 'F' in sophomore year and got kicked out of the football team and the dance committee.

"Flunk a test," Mike said, and everyone raised an eyebrow at him, "You would get kicked out of the dance committee,"

"Yeah, but then we couldn't attend the dance..." Lauryn sneered at him.

"You guys asked," Mike shrugged and shoved some cake into his mouth.

"Let me guess... you're thinking about Bella and where she is?" Jessica accused.

"She's not here?" Mike asked, looking around, not even realizing it until his ex-girlfriend pointed it out. He sighed again, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. His chest was chaffing up against his shirt, and he was yearning for something or someone with a color for a surname.

"Mike, are you okay?" Tyler asked, and Mike nodded, "I am going to go out for some air," he scratched his skin.

It was physically hindering Mike from being far away from his mate. His body was assumed he was being rejected. The Wolf thought he might go unnoticed if he didn't move. Mike drove home to get a shower. He left his phone in the car and headed in while Jacob was frozen.

"Ahh!" Mike cringed as he saw Jacob immediately. He was on the floor, rolling around in Mike's dirty clothes. "W-What are you doing in my room!" Mike asked, then he closed his eyes, "Why are you naked!"

"It's not what you think!"

"Good God! Get dressed!" Mike whined as he opened his eyes to shield them, almost seeing Jacob's massive size. Jacob hopped back into his shorts only to realize they were Mike's. They were far too tight and wedged up his ass, but Mike was finally looking at him. Mike didn't look below Jacobs' chin... well, at least he didn't try to. The tight shorts left nothing to the imagination, especially since he was a little turned on.

"I'm sorry... I didn't know you were coming home,"

"And that makes it better because?"

"Because I am trying to protect you..." He blushed, and Mike looked confused, "Remember how I told you that you give off a little scent, and it drives me crazy?" Jacob asked, and Mike turned red as he nodded, "Well, it is driving the other wolves crazy to... like crazy enough to come over and claim you,"

"Oh god..."

"I know. I was trying to cover all of your scents in your room with mine and your clothes so it would dull your scent,"

"Is that going to work?" Mike worried, "You told me what claiming me meant, but you mentioned marking. Is that what you're doing now?"

"No... I am scenting everything. Marking would entail me biting you," he explained and stepped toward Mike, "that would make you property, and other wolves would leave you alone... but I know you don't want that,"

"It doesn't seem like I have much of a choice," Mike muttered, a little annoyed with the situation he was put in,

"We don't have to be so drastic... not to begin with. Please let me scent you," Jacob told him, knowing by the human's face he didn't know what that fully meant. "All I will need to do is touch you... rub my scent on you,"

"Will you be naked?"

"No... but you will have to be in your underwear," the Wolf explained, and Mike knew that was the better option. "I promise I won't do anything inappropriate, er... at least I will try to behave," He corrected himself.

Mike blushed as he undressed in front of Jake. He never really had a problem with it before he became an Omega. The humans in his class would even stop and stare, teasing him as he now had broad pecs and filled out a pair of jeans more than most girls in school. Jacob had to close his eyes and collect himself before he walked closer to him.

"Okay, just two straight guys helping one out," Mike muttered so he wouldn't freak himself out. He felt Jacob putting a hand on his chest. The chemical reaction of the Alpha touching an Omega happened immediately, Jacob's touch felt boiling to Mike, but it was comfortable. He opened his eyes to see that he had lost his balance and fell toward the Wolf's touch.

"I am not straight," Jacob corrected, and Mike raised an eyebrow. Mike wasn't homophobic towards others... just toward himself.

"You are? do tribes care about that?" Mike asked, a little curious, knowing how spiritual and old-fashioned the indigenous people he knew were a little close-minded.

"Not really. My tribe is more of a Pack. Werewolves don't have orientation. So it's not taboo," he said, and Mike smiled a bit.

"I wish my parents were like that..." Mike sighed, looking down at his feet, seeing that he was tenting his boxers. His face tinged red, trying to hide it before Jacob noticed. "Don't hide it... your scent attracts me more, don't be ashamed," Jake said, touching Mike's back. "Your skin is soft," Jacob said, a little distracted as he fitted his hand down the waistband of Mike's boxers.

"Hey!"

"Yeah-Yeah, sorry, I will keep my mutty paws to myself." Jacob rolled his eyes. Please Vote, Comment, Add to your lists, and share this story with a friend:).

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[moooxy]

Yeah vampire!eddie is sexy but I just can’t stop thinking about how fucking cool he would be.

We all know he’s known around the school as some unhinged lame-o, yet he’s praised like a god by his Hellfire comrades. But when he returns after all the chaos, after his name is cleared— he’s fucking enchanting.

Blood orange eyes, softer and paler skin, and he’s just a whole lot more confident. He was already a pretty confident guy, but now after his— change - he’s so much more poised. He knows he’s superior, he knows he’s on top of everyone, he knows people will fucking worship him soon. His newfound god complex is just so fucking sexy.

Along that road, his demeanour is much more supercilious. He doesn’t back away from fights anymore, but he doesn’t insinuate them. He rarely runs his mouth, but if it was in retaliation then he’d fucking destroy his opponent.

Back onto his appearance, maybe he’d have a big change before he returned to school. A big change to symbolise that now he was… well a vampire. Maybe he’d get a cool neck tattoo that was on display for everyone to see. Maybe he’d stop wearing huge, layered clothing to show off the new muscles in his arms. Maybe he’d even cut his hair.

He wouldn’t show off his new physical changes, but if he was roped into basketball in gym he wouldn’t hold back. Think about that one Andrew Garfield scene in The Amazing Spiderman— yeah I know you know what I mean. He’d do it to protect his boys, maybe catching a stray ball that was headed straight towards Dustin’s face.

I just can’t stop thinking about how gobsmacked everyone would be. Even if you don’t find Edward Cullen hot, his demeanour sure was. We all know Eddie is a sexy motherfucker but his new ‘coolness’ makes him even hotter.

[alesreadings]

Crave by Tracy Wolff.

2.5 stars.

“There’s not much to be afraid of when you’ve already lost everything that matters.”

I'm warning you: if you haven't read the book and don't want any spoilers, don't read further, because my review is filled with spoilers and sarcasm. I am conflicted with this book. I hated it, it was cringey and the romance was ugh (but I shelved as romance, AND as "this shit has no romance"), the characters were stupid as fuck and the plot was not interesting but predictable, and the villain, oMG, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??? However, it was fast paced. It took me a while because I was on a reading slump and having constant breakdowns, lol. Anyhow, it amazed me how quick I read this book and how fast many chapters went... Which is good, because my reading slump was stick to me, and I guess I gotta say thanks to this book ¿? Ok, let's start the review! Grace lost her parents due a mysterious accident (as your typical avergage normal YA girl) and she has no more family, except her uncle, who lives in Alaska and runs an Academy. So, Grace moves on to Alaska to live with him and her cousin, Macy. Everything is normal, until Grace realizes that something is not right. Surprise! Vampires, dragons, witches and shapeshifters are real! And she might be one of them! Plot: It was predictable as fuck. I could guess many things that were going to happen and I wasn't surprised. Also, there were many plotholes, that left me with many many many questions that were not answered in the entire book. Lia killing Grace's parents has no sense. I mean, beside of being senseless, it's stupid and has no point. No one could saw that coming (let me explain you why before you think "uhm, yeah, well, that's the point of a plot twist") because there was no hint that Lia had something to do with it. Lia is barely in the book, and appears only when it is convenient for Grace, not to give us hints that hello! she is the "villain". Lia being the villain is a crime. I'd rather be a good villain for this book. I mean, I get it, you want your "mate" *insert gags* back and you're suffering, but, sweetie, why you didn't kill Grace inmediately? It was ridiculous and lame. Why Grace was left alive? What specie does she belong? Is Hudson alive? Why is she a gargoyle now? Why we had Jaxon's pov? (I dind't read them all tho, lmao) What was the real purpose of Lia for wanting Grace, a simple human, to her sacrifice? Will Grace have some braincells in the second book? We'll never know. Also, I think everything goes really quick in the span of 2/3 weeks. And I mean it: everything. Characters: Oh, this one is gonna be amazing. Get ready. Grace: I always liked to think: "what would happen if I find out that vampires are real? how would I react?" and the answer it's totally the opposite to what Grace did. Grace isn't smart, let's face it. Any of the mc with vampires involved is it. They're more interested on the hot dark haired guy who's telling them to stay the fuck away from them because, they're dangerous. *stares at Edward Cullen* But, the girl is drooling for the vampire since the moment they make eye contact and then it's insta love. uGH. I mean, Jaxon is telling you to stay away from him, to scare you and in the first moment you're touching him because why not? he's hot and totally not like the other guys you've met before, and oh, also the scar that makes him look like a true fucking bad boy. Yeah, no thanks. For some reason, she's the one who summons problems and Jaxon is "saving" her. She's convinced to it and despite of what he's done, she thinks he's the good guy, the victim, the hero and the most powerful dude in the world. Ugh, ugh, ugh, cringe. What amazes me of Grace is the fact that she wasn't scared to see what Jaxon can do... Sweetie, are you ok? Anyone in their five senses would have left the dude when he warned the first time. Anyone. And you can think "if a guy like him told me to stay away from him, I wouldn't do it, because he's hot", yeah, but hE'S CREEPY AND A STALKER AND A MURDER, WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?! I can't blame Grace for all the shit going in her life tho. I feel pity for her tbh. The fact that she said "Jaxon was never

meant to be the hero of my story... because I was always meant to be the hero of his." killed me, but not in the good way. For some reason that is beyond of my comprehension, it's like Grace believes that she can fix Jaxon, that she can make him see that he's a "good guy" and that he doesn't have to carry the weight of the world. (what the actual hell??) Jaxon: The great, handsome, vicim, hero, powerful, hot and mysterious Jaxon Vega. He's a fucking dick. He's a stalker (in his chapters he clearly says it) and a prick. Oh my gods, I truly hate him. The only good with him is his taste in music (because it's written by a women), but the rest? ugh, he reminded me of the average vampires who think they're the heroes of the story and the world depends of them (Edward, Hawke, Rhys but he's a fae ik, and who knows who else, ewwww). He's disgusting in so many levels that I can't explain. I still wanna know something: what had to do Jaxon in Lia's plan to kill Grace? I know that boy ain't something good. My ace ass was cringing everytime he appeared in front of Grace and I was relieved when he was gone. I don't have much to say about him, beside that I don't like him and hIS ONLY EXISTENCE IS A FUCKING RED FLAG. My boy Flint deserved better tbh. I was most interested on him beING A FUCKING DRAGON, THAT'S AWESOME, that in Jaxon being a typical vampire. And I will never get tired of say that Flint is way fucking better than Jaxon. He's my boy, ok? ok. Macy was irrelevant, even tho I loved her a lot, even more than Grace. She deserved better and if she is not endgame with Flint, I'll riot. Romance. Nope. No. NO. nO. The fuck no. How you can fall in love with a guy you barely met 2/3 weeks ago? And even more, say that you love him. On the first day in Alaska, Jaxon warned Grace to stay away from him, and she touches him like they're something ??????? And on the third day, she's drooling at the sight of the guy because he "saved" her. Everything was so rushed and it was like it existed a "love triangle" bUT FLINT DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE LIKE JACOB IN TWILIGHT, LOL. We all know from the beginning that Jaxon (Edward) is gonna be the champ, the winner and the endgame. You can predict that from the beginning of the book. Also, MATES???? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!?!?!??!?! This trope is so used and boring that makes me sick. I mean, please, give me something built from zero. Not the "they're meant to be and that's it. suck it" nOPE. Give me plot twists. Hype. Like with From Blood and Ash this book is so overhyped. I mean, I read it because I like vampires and the academy trope. But literally, many people told me "this book is everything" "you're gonna love it" "Jaxon is so wonderfu, sexy and you'll love it"... Yeah, well, you can see now how it went. This book isn't thaaaaaaat bad, but isn't good either. It's fast paced, yes, but not something that I would recommend. You know? I think age is hitting me like a bitch and saying that many of the YA vampire books are not my thing anymore, and I really love vampires, lol. ANYHOW. This is my opinion, I'm not saying that this is purely trash or something like that, and you know why? Because I'm gonna read the second book of this one to see if my boy Hudson still alive, yep.

[calpalirwin]

Proud of You

Request from @babylonxcaluum​ in which Ashton doesn’t recognize his sister after a few years of not seeing her. 

Word Count: ~900

And away, and away we go!

__

You and Ashton had always been close. Being three years apart would do that to siblings. So while you had been more than proud of him when he left home to make his dreams with the band come true, it had been a painful adjustment of having your brother be across the world rather than across the hall.

You had only been in high school when Ashton left home, and between you trying to live a normal teenage life, and him finding his way in the world, it came as no surprise that you rarely found time to talk to each other for longer than 10 minute phone calls here and there, much less see each other. 

You’d been watching his career closely, knowing he had a break of time coming up where he wouldn’t be traveling, and as luck would have it, you were going to have the time off as well. You sent him a text message asking for his address under the guise of sending him a surprise, and Ashton was excited, but clueless to the fact that the surprise was actually you.

There were butterflies in your stomach as the cab dropped you off in front of his house. More than one car was parked in the driveway and you wondered if he had people over, or just that many cars.

Your knuckles rapped against the door, hearing “Coming!” from inside the house and quick footsteps before the door pulled open. “Hi…” Ashton said slowly. “Can I help you?”

“Aw, it hasn’t been that long, has it?” you teased, smiling big.

Recognition flashed across his face at the sound of your voice, his grin matching yours. “Y/N!” he yelled excitedly, pulling you in for a tight hug before holding you out at arm’s length. “Wait… you’re here?! How?! What?!”

“Surprise!” you laughed.

“Holy shit… Fuck, come in. C’mon. The guys are over. You remember the guys right? Guys! Y/N’s here! Holy shit… how was your flight? Does Mum know you’re here? How long are you staying? Where are you staying? Cuz you can stay here you know. I got spare rooms.”

“Ash, slow down. You’re rambling.”

“Shit, sorry. Guys, you remember my sister.”

Calum, Luke, and Michael all looked at you from their spots on the couch, eyes wide as their minds took in the you standing before them and comparing them with how they remembered you. It was easy to say you weren’t the same 15 year old they had last seen. “Hi,” they all mumbled with blushed cheeks. 

“Hey,” you greeted back, your own cheeks slightly flushed.

“Does Mum know you’re here?” Ashton asked you again as you both took a seat.

“I mean… I told her I was thinking about coming out to see you. But no, she doesn’t know I’m here.”

“Y/N…” he said sternly.

“Ashton,” you said just as sternly. “I don’t live at home anymore. I have my own place near campus.”

“Near campus?”

“Yeah. By my university. Where I go to school. Because I’m nineteen.”

“Shit…”

“Did you forget that I grew up too?” you chuckled.

“No, I- I knew. I just… you’re not the same kid you were when I left.”

“And you’re not the same kid you were when you left either.”

“I know. I just… I mean, I see myself every day. I know I grew up. But one day I see you, and you’re still my little sister in high school and then you’re on my doorstep and you’re… this.”

“I’m still your little sister.”

“No, I know. I just…”

“He’s trying to say you got hot, Y/N,” Michael piped up.

“Hey!” Ashton punched Michael hard in the arm. “I am not!”

Calum and Luke snickered into their hands. “Yeah you are, mate. You just don’t wanna be gross about it cuz she’s your sister,” Calum said.

“Yeah, Mike was just brave enough to say it,” Luke added.

“You’re… definitely more grown up than the last time I saw you, let’s say that,” Ashton said, offering you a smile. “You look good. And it’s really good to see you. This is an awesome surprise.”

You blushed again, “Thanks… it’s good to see you guys too.”

“So, tell me. Catch me up on everything you’ve been doing.”

You shrugged, before launching into telling Ashton everything you’d been up to the last couple of years, feeling a little silly about how mundane it must all sound compared to his adventures, but he clung to your every word, pressing for more details from time to time. “And yeah… just figured it was finally time for a visit. So I’m here for a week. Staying at a hotel not too far from here.”

“Well, you can stay here if you want to, instead.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Nah, course not. I’d be happy to have you.”

“Yeah! Yeah, okay, that’d be great. Um… I guess I should go get my stuff then.”

“Yeah, let me grab my keys and I’ll drive you over, and then we can go grab dinner. I know the best place, you’re gonna love it.”

“Hey! What about us?” the guys protested.

“Well, come too, then,” you laughed at them. “More the merrier, right Ash?”

“Right,” he grinned. His arm slung around you as you walked out to his car. “Hey, Y/N, I’m really proud of you. And I’m really glad you’re here. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Ash. And thanks. Means a lot that you’re proud of me and stuff. Don’t know why you would be though. If anything, I should be proud of you. And I am.”

“Why wouldn’t I be proud of you? I know you might think the stuff you’ve done is lame. But I still think it’s really cool that you’re chasing your own path. That takes courage no matter how it may seem in comparison to other things. And you're my sister. I’m always gonna be proud of you.”

__

Tag List

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[ofastereae]

@stories-from-thedas​ whispered: 💝💝💝 - Elisabeth, Mia, and Edgar send 💝 + a muse and i’ll talk about my ship preferences for them

ELISABETH AMELL

ELISABETH & ALSTAIR - okay, i was kind of posting about it last night but alistair literally means the world to eliza, romantic or not.  he’s the first person she meets outside of the circle (besides duncan) who really interests her and takes an interest in her.  he’s funny, friendly, sort of stupid, and kind of really fucking cute.  on top of that, they go through this huge trauma together which has a way of bonding people rather they like it or not and she really attaches to him after that.  she loves him - in any verse, no matter what, and she’d do anything to keep him safe and i think it’s really cute but also sort of tragic.  because she’s been so deprived of love all these years that she doesn’t know how to love in small doses and i think she keeps it bottled up once she realizes it, even though she knows it’s safe, because she’s scared of scaring him with just how much she cares about him.  but she’s always got his back, and obviously alistair always has the warden’s back, and i think they’re just... very sweet. 

ELISABETH & LELIANA - hah.  i bet anyone who knows me expected me to say elisabeth and cullen second but i’m actually dying to ship her with a leliana.  i think that they’d be really fucking cute because they’re both BABY in origins and leliana has all these incredible stories and fun tales and eliza eats all of them up like she’s so desperate for this knowledge that leli has to share.  i think about them traveling together after origins and just seeing things and seeing orlais and writing letters when they can’t be together and being gay and shit and it literally just.  ugh my poor lesbian heart can’t fucking take it.  i think they’d be adorable.  where the fuck my leli’s at. 

ELISABETH + CULLEN - yeah it’s here.  i’m a slut for cullen / amell and i think everyone knows it.  i really like the two of them together because i like the healing aspect of the ship.  like they’ve both been through so much shit and they’re both carrying so much weight on their shoulders and i think they can find a lot of forgiveness and solace and healing in each other and that’s very sweet.  elisabeth is so ridiculously proud of who cullen has become and how he’s grown and she’s just... happy for him.  when they meet again in inquisition and she’s there because leli wrote her and she sees him she’s just happy for him.  she’s so happy and proud and i think they’d be a very sweet slow burn or slow rekindling of romance type thing. 

there are more but someone else asked about liz so i’m saving them <3

MIA RUTHERFORD

MIA & AN INQUISITOR - i don’t have preferences.  it’s fun to write her against trevelyans but really i think she and any inquisitor would be cute and interesting so long as the personalities meshed.  i like the idea of her stealing a love interest right out from under cullen’s nose because she and i are petty that way.  but also i think the idea of someone just kind of showing her how to lighten up and enjoy herself would be very cute and a lot of fun. 

MIA & BLACKWALL - do you know how long i’ve been writing mia and i’ve shipped her and blackwall this entire time and i have YET to find a blackwall.  i think they’d be SO FUCKING CUTE, brian.  i don’t have a huge reason, but the way he calls his li a lady would have her swooning on the floor.  and the idea of them sparing together?  woof.  and just how sweet he tends to be and how playful and flirty and sort of fun and UGH.  i think they’d be so cute.  i’m gonna die. 

MIA & JOSEPHINE - i don’t have a huge reason for this.  i just think mia and josie would be really really really fucking cute. HFKDLSHLKER

MIA & CAILAN - honorary mention.  i think they’re precious.  i clearly have a thing for putting mia in relationships where her status as a normal lame ass peasant girl would be an issue and potentially make her really uncomfortable.  but it also has the added benefit of being the kind of relationship that would convince mia to relax.  and i def think there would be some self worth learning there for her which is def something that needs to happen. 

EDGAR STEINER

EDGAR & HAWKE - cute.  they’re just cute.  it’s like anders and hawke without the extra angst because ( sorry anders u know i love u ) edgar isn’t batshit insane.  but also like... edgar is a lot more laid back in general than anders tends to be as dragon age progresses.  he doesn’t bring a lot of that heavy emotional stuff to the table and i think he would be good for someone who needs that sort of more carefree or laid back personality.  he values his freedom a lot, and that includes his personal freedom, so he does well with someone who has a life outside of him.

EDGAR & ANDERS - ironically, i think they’d be good together too.  i think edgar would be a sort of balancing influence on anders extremism and i think anders would be a grounding influence on edgar’s more lacksidasical lifestyle.  i also think it’s important that they clearly have similar goals, though edgar doesn’t go to the same extremes anders does and wouldn’t ever really entertain the thought.  he doesn’t completely disapprove, however.  he’s supportive of anders in the end and even considers him a hero, it’s just not something he would’ve done. 

EDGAR & MERRILL - i think edgar would be the only mage companion who doesn’t look negatively at merrill for being a blood mage.  he doesn’t enthusiastically support her, but he also wouldn’t be quite so on her ass as anders is.  i think they could have a similar vibe to merrill and isabela, which is one of my fav ships.  like... idk they’d be cute. 

[joopiterjoon]

Wishing on a Star | KSJ

Pairing: Seokjin x reader

Genre: NC-17, Romance, Fluff?

Warnings/Tags: Vampire!Jin, Biting, Blood, Kissing, swearing, couch grinding, bad Twilight Series references

Wordcount: 3k

Part of ficswithluv’s #FWLBingo! 

“They probably got that idea from me,” Seokjin murmurs. He’s glaring at the screen, feet tucked up and arms crossed next to you, as he watches Edward Cullen step into the sunlight and sparkle.

“You don’t sparkle,” you snort. Seokjin’s jaw drops as he turns to you. “Wait… do you?”

Seokjin closes his mouth and takes a deep breath through his nose. “No, but how else are they going to try and demonstrate that someone is inhumanly handsome? And who is truly inhumanly handsome? Me!”

“That’s not saying much, since you are, in fact, inhuman,” you tease.

“I’m the most handsome inhuman there is, though!” Seokjin shouts, tossing his hands up. You’re glad to have a distraction from the very cringe scene happening in a movie that crushed your favorite book series. “I am worldwide handsome, human or not!”

You laugh at how he thinks he needs to convince you, his girlfriend. “Of course, of course, my vampire from the stars.”

“That’s right!” Seokji bellows, though his ears tinge pink. He starts waving his arms around to recite a speech you’ve heard many, many times. “I’m more attractive than any angel up there! Any demon down there! Any creature right here!”

Contrary to the fanged creatures on your TV screen, Jin was just an average but incredibly hot vampire. Well, what you now knew to be an average vampire. Fangs and a severe vitamin deficiency that could only be cured with blood.

(“Stop asking me to explain it, it’s too complicated.”

“Mhm, yeah, you definitely just didn’t forget.”

“Just for that, I won’t tell you.”)

At first, you’d been a tad disappointed. Sure, you would have been freaked out if Jin was even a Stefan Salvatore or a Lestat. But after a while, it lost its edge. Unlike Jin’s fangs.

He’d come to you in such an unusual way. At first glance, it fits the mysterious, ominous nature of vampires. Last year, you’d had enough. Life sucked, as it often does for people in their early twenties. You’d been leaning out your window with a bottle of wine, asking the heavens to send you someone. Sure, you’d stolen the idea from Lilo and Stitch, but why the fuck not. You just needed someone. You were willing to try wishing on a star for someone to come save you.

Little did you know, your rescuer was below, just strolling home late from work one night.

(“Hey,” a stranger called from the street. “That angel you’re looking for has already fallen.”

You startled. You can’t believe such a handsome stranger heard you, much less called out to a grown woman wishing on a star. Your shock caused the bottle of wine to slip from your grip and splatter three floors down. You almost follow after when you startle.

“Damn, people fall for me, but never from that high up,” Jin laughs, clapping his hands. You frown at the stranger.)

Jin likes to pretend it’s fate, and maybe it is a little bit, but it’s also his personality. Even if he’s not involved, seeing people in distress bothers him. He needs to lighten situations. And that lightheartedness and just how desperate you were had convinced you to allow the stranger into your home. Jin had waited to be invited in, but he insists that’s just manners.

Plus, Jin loves how you met. It’s his favorite thing to tell whenever you go out together. You just roll your eyes, letting him prattle on and on. Because when it comes down to it, he really was the angel you’d wished for (who is devilishly handsome, you might add).

“You’re doing it again,” Jin says, drawing you from your thoughts. He’s right. You’ve been watching him and his pursed lips while you’ve been reminiscing.

“Can you blame me?” You shrug.

“Fluffing my ego?” Jin teases, tossing the pillow from his lap to face you. “You’re asking for trouble.”

“Oh please, I’m more trouble than you’ll ever be,” you scoff. Jin frowns, but he knows it’s true. He scoots closer though, caging you into your side of the couch with a playful smile.

Leaning in to kiss you, Jin doesn’t say anything. He has two modes: all words and no game or just game and no words. Honestly, you couldn’t be made to choose between the two. Especially as his hands gently reach for you, plush lips closing in on yours.

Your body gravitates towards him. It’s no vampire curse. You’d asked him when you’d been immediately smitten all those months ago. You’d even wondered if there was a delayed onset, like something Jin “chose” to activate. It’s simply that Jin really was given to you by the stars. His dumb sense of humor balances your stressed mind, and by god is he gorgeous. You’re reminded each time your hands cup his jaw and your chest presses to his.

Jin deepens the kiss as he tugs on your thigh, dragging your leg to his waist as he lowers you to lie on the couch.

“But the movie,” you whine, trying to catch a glimpse of Bella and Edward running through Italy. Jin snarls, and his fangs are on full display. You can’t help but gasp, unable to hold back the wonder each time you see them. Lame vampire or not, that’s still what he is.

“You want that sparkle bitch over this?” Jin sounds offended, waving to his own form. You contemplate it, taking your time. You trace your fingers over the veins in his arms, up to the broad shoulders that block out the streetlight behind you. You giggle at the frustrated furrow of Jin’s brow over dark yet soft black eyes. Finally, you're pulling him on top of you, wrapping your legs around his waist.

It’s easy, a position you frequently find yourself in. Even though you both share a bed now, you find it hard to take the extra time to make it there. Jin’s hands know their way around your body, how to hold you, tease you, appreciate you. And you’re no different, humming as you splay your palms over his broad chest and roll your hips into his. The place doesn’t matter as long as you have Jin like this with you.

As your tongues meet, you shiver. Jin’s careful, but your tongue still slides past his incisors. They aren’t deadly sharp, but there’s an implication. One that Jin never acts on.

“Jin,” you whisper as he mouths at your jawline. Once he glances up, you fix him with a serious stare, biting your lip and running your hands through your hair like Bella Swan. “I know what you are.”

Jin’s body shakes with a laugh as his head drops to your shoulder. “You are the worst.”

You both giggle, trading the mirth between hushed lips as Jin fumbles for the remote to turn off the cringe-movie.

In the dark, your hands tighten in his hair as the moment becomes more heated. His hips shift forward, letting you know his intentions. You whimper as he nips at your neck, back arching off the couch.

“Do you want to?” You ask.

It’s a question you never dared ask when you first started dating. You assumed it was something that had to be addressed, but not then. In the throes of love, you feared Jin would sink his teeth in and… you don’t know, claim you, sire you, turn you, something. But when you finally had months later, the answer, like everything else, had been less than wowing. Nothing about Jin’s need for blood was arousing. If anything, it was annoying. Like having a craving for something and the business was closed.

That didn’t stop the idea that Hollywood had planted in your head. You’d finally chalked up the courage to ask months ago: Do you want to bite me?

Jin had played it off, saying he only wanted to when you refused to split a meal. He caved soon enough, not actually doing it, but explaining that he found it incredibly intimate. It was a kind of trust. It hurt, he said. Like a farmer raising chickens, he’d become immune to the cries in a way, but he still knew the pain. There was no magic serum from his fangs that numbed the pain. For the victim, it was simply teeth sinking into flesh.

Because of that, he saw it as a vulnerability from both partners. Jin joked and talked shit a lot, but he was a deeply thoughtful person under it all. He believed biting a human was something to be wary of yet cherished. He cherished you, but the wariness had still outweighed his affections. You could only think there was an assurance he didn’t see yet. Whenever you asked, you didn’t push the response.

Jin’s movements still, and he sighs. It’s a sigh that says this again? You prepare to shrug it off, content to be dick-downed by the inhumanly handsome.

But he surprises you.

“Are you really sure?”

The words cut through the stillness of the living room. Not even the breath in your lungs moves.

“Yes,” you whisper.

Jin’s large, black eyes sparkle with the dim light pouring in from the window. Seeing the insecurity there, you follow up with a nod.

“It’s…” Jin winces a bit. “I promise you, it doesn’t feel good. It’s a bite. Like two tears in your skin.”

“Jin,” you start, and you know you believe what you’re saying. “I could give two fucks about vampires before I met you, and now I only give one fuck. And that fuck is that I want to be close to you. This just happens to be another level that you have for being close. I want to be on that level. You are as close to me as possible. I want you that close. And I want to show you that I want to be that close to you. And I only want you to do it if you want me there, too.”

“Of course I want you close,” Jin says, voice losing that lilt he usually has to demonstrate how serious he is. But it’s back a second later when he rolls his hips. “Is that really the only fuck you have for me?”

You roll your eyes even if he can’t see. “You know what I mean.”

There’s a pause. Just silence, just the sound of your hearts pounding. Then, Jin’s soft lips press to yours. You slot your lips with his and brush your thumb over his cheekbone comfortingly. He moves to your cheek, your eyes, your jaw, your neck. He stays there, nuzzling at your pressure point. You close your eyes.

“You don’t feel nervous,” he whispers. You shake your head. You aren’t. You know it might hurt. But you want Jin.

He holds your neck, laying his weight on top of you. You hum at the warmth surrounding you, the familiar firmness pressed to your inner thigh. A wet tongue laps at your neck and you gasp at the sensation, but turn your neck for more. Jin presses a few more wet kisses there, sucking gently as you squirm from the pleasure.

Then, he hoists himself up. “If I do it here, we might ruin the couch.”

“Oh,” you breathe. Good point. Blood. You sit up. “Um, what if we use my sweater?”

“But you love this sweater,” Jin pouts. Your heart floods with warmth at the fact that Jin’s worried about your favorite sweater.

“I have club soda. The blood will come out,” you say. You sit comfortably in front of him. Jin chews his cheek, but then he gets on his knees, straddling your lap. You place your hands on his thighs as he places his on your shoulders.

“Are you sure?” Jin whispers, brushing his nose to yours. He sounds breathless, more scared than you. You’re not scared at all. You want this. You want to show Jin he can’t hurt you and you want all of him.

“Mhm,” you whisper. 

“I think,” Jin whispers back, “I think I’m more nervous than you.”

You pout, but keep your eyes closed, just feeling him close. “Don’t do it if you don’t want to.”

“No, I,” Jin swallows. He doesn’t keep talking.

He kisses you again. This one is different. It’s not chaste. It’s not heated. It’s slow. His mouth works against yours, gauging your reception, letting his tongue slide along your bottom lip but not pushing in. You open for him, fingers tightening on his pants. He keeps edging in, giving you chances for an out, willing to let you turn this into a normal night on the couch instead of what he’s about to do.

Then, his mouth drifts. He keeps you close, a hand on the back of your neck, hips sinking into your lap. It kind of feels silly, having your massive boyfriend straddling you, but you’re too lost in the feeling of his tongue gently probing. He’s searching for a good spot, you realize. You try to relax, not squeeze your eyes or feel tense, to let him know you are okay. You move your hands to his waist, holding him gently.

Until your arms constrict around him with a small squeak in pain. His teeth sink in. At first, it’s nothing but a bite. Kinky, not scary. But then you feel it. The pressure, the pricking, the tearing. The searing heat that comes from an exposed wound. And then you feel the pull. It’s foreign, the way you feel the blood rush from your veins faster than intended. Your mouth hangs open, a silent scream caught there. You tug Seokjin closer and he gladly obliges, one arm hugging you, rubbing your back gently while the other thumbs under your jaw. He holds you secure, makes you feel safe swaddled in his arms and the cushions.

You squeeze your eyes shut as tears roll down. Their meaning is mixed. Both relief, fear, joy, pain, trailing down your cheeks. Jin grunts, shifting a bit, and you bury your face in his chest. Each muscle of your shoulder and neck are hyperaware, and you feel as though you have to clearly think about each as you hide inside Jin. 

Jin, who sucks your very being into his mouth and down his throat. Who keeps rubbing soothing circles wherever he touches. He’s not overwhelmed or consumed by bloodlust. Even as he feeds, his attention is on you. He’s always focused on you.

You cry out as he pulls off, the fangs slipping from your skin like a rock lodged in a wound that had to be removed. But then he’s back. You’re impressed that you don’t flinch as he descends. The same suction feeling is gone, just the lap of his tongue.

“Too much,” you breathe. It feels like you can feel each tastebud of his tongue pulling the flesh open.

“Sorry,” he muffles, tongue trading to soft taps. He waits out your blood coagulating. Your shoulders ache, but you realize it’s the vice like grip you have on him. As you slowly loosen, Jin moves to rub your arms, trying to ease the tension.

“Not as tough as you look, huh?” he says, the words murmured just above the wound. The words are too soft, filled with insecurity.

You shake your head, body ashiver. “It’s just new.”

“Bad?” Jin asks, even quieter.

You shove on his shoulders at that. He whines something incoherent in protest, eyes locked on the wound as you pull him into focus. “Nothing’s bad with you.”

Jin pouts, bottom lip on full display. Even in the dark room, you can tell it’s a shade darker with your blood. “It hurts.”

“It did. You bit me, so duh,” you admit. Jin’s strong eyebrows crease on his forehead, not appreciating your joke when he’s so concerned. You give a small smile, bringing your hands to his chest. “I’m glad you think we’re in a place where you can do that.”

You nudge him, and he concedes. He kisses your lips, and you gasp at the metallic taste in his mouth. His kiss is more earnest, eager to have you responding. He groans when your tongue twists with his and you wrap your arms around his neck.

“Fuck,” Jin groans. “Fuck, it’s just. You. All of you. Feel good, taste good.”

Your heart races at that. Jin’s kisses are frenzied, tongue quickly following your own. His breathing is faster, grip tighter, pulling you into him. He’d said that blood didn’t mean much. It wasn’t an overwhelming desire or blurred with ecstasy, but the real reason got you more. Jin had your blood in his veins, your taste in his mouth. And he seemed impossibly turned on by it. By you. He cared so much for you, it was hard to believe there was ever a time you questioned if anyone, even yourself, cared about you.

“I love you,” you whisper.

Jin kisses you harder, fingers twisting in your hair, breathing in deep through his nose. “God, I love you.”

He starts to lean you back, and you willingly go, but then he yanks you both back up. “The blood! The couch!”

“Oops?” You blink, already so lost in Jin that you forgot. You’re not really sure if you are gushing out of your neck or what.

Before you can reach to check, Jin gently thumbs at the mark. He brings a smear of blood to his lips. You see his expression twitch in contentment, but there’s a flicker of worry in his eyes that won’t move from the throbbing mark on your neck. Whatever moment had been there was now broken by the reality of what happened. You may have been convinced you’re fine, but Jin still seems cautious.

“The floor?” You suggest, then point to the blanket on Jin’s side. “That’s an old afghan.”

“Ah, okay, yeah,” Jin breathes in relief, like he still isn’t sure if you’ll take the chance to get up and run out. Just to prove his worries wrong, you grab the blanket and toss it to the floor. You slide down, patting the space next to you.

Jin smiles down at you, something of a dazzle in his warm eyes. You smile back, and let him stare a little bit longer, then teasingly suggest with a crooked finger, “Come on, ravage me.”

Jin chuckles at that, shaking his head as he lowers himself down with a playful growl. You laugh as your boyfriend, who moments before was concerned over every touch, wrangles you to the floor to ravage you not with bites but kisses.

Check out my other FWLBingo pieces here!

[starrystarker]

five times that peter parker succeeded in seducing older men and one time that he didn't

contains: 2.4k of winterspider, mentioned pain play, mentioned (once) homophobia, anal beads, 20% plot 80% porn

part one | part two

part three: james "bucky" buchanan barnes aka the winter soldier

***

Peter looked at his reflection in the mirror. It wasn't hard to get Nathan, the TA, to rough him up a little. The older man had asked him out multiple times but with no avail. When Peter asked him to look over his essay (in his office, perhaps), he was ecstatic. Peter thought he was about to pop a boner right there.

From there, it was almost too easy to get Nathan to leave bruises here and there, litter hickeys and bite marks all over his neck, and grab at his legs way too hard. Hard enough to leave handprints. All it took was a little "bite me, Nathan!" and "want you to mark me up, daddy-" and "choke me, please" and here he was.

Peter looks over his outfit, simple this time around: a white sweater tucked into grey sleep shorts. He thought white and lighter colours would bring out the dark purples and reds of the marks, which are quite literally all over his body. Lifting the hem of his shorts, Peter studies the hand-shaped bruises on his upper thighs. Nathan's hands were huge. Even though Peter's thighs aren't thick, the bruises covered the entire front of them.

Tilting his head, Peter runs a finger down the exposed column of his neck, and winces as his nail catches on a healing, but not quite, bite mark. As Peter's taking a closer look at the marks on his neck, he realizes that they extend all the way down to his collarbone. He pulls the neck of his sweater down a little, and lets out a small gasp as the fabric reveals many more grape-sized hickeys that are dark red. God, how hard did he suck?

The door to the bathroom opens and Peter whips his head around so fast that if he had longer hair, he surely would've hit himself with it.

"B-Bucky!" Peter stammers, quickly letting go of his sweater, pulling it up in a futile attempt to hide the marks and failing spectacularly. Truly, he deserves at least a Teen Choice Award.

The man grunts, not bothering to say hello verbally before marching right up to Peter and grabbing his sweater, tugging it down to reveal more marks. He jabs a finger at Peter's neck. "Wh-" he starts before looking down and taking in the marks on the boy's thighs. "What the fuck?"

"Um-" Peter says, cut off by Bucky.

"No. No talking. You're gonna tell me who did this, then you're gonna stay here." Bucky demands, tilting Peter's head to take a closer look at the bruises on his neck.

"What? No." Peter laughs, gently pushing the man's hand away. "I'm not telling you."

"I don't think you understand, kid. That wasn't a request. Whoever hurt you deserves to pay-"

Peter starts laughing, loud guffaws echoing in the large bathroom, doubling over to slap at his knees.

“Bucky, no, that’s not it.” Peter laughs again, even more so at the confused look on the assassin’s face. “I mean, don't get me wrong, I love that I have a trained assassin ready to beat up anyone who hurts me, but this is different.”

Bucky raises his eyebrow. “Different how?”

“I liked it.” Peter watches realization dawn on the older man’s face. He continues nonchalantly. “In fact, I asked him to do it.”

“Him?” Bucky asks, face giving away absolutely nothing. “I didn't know you swung that way. No pun intended.”

“I swing both ways, actually. And yeah, it’s not really information I share. Can’t you just see the headlines? Spider-Man Revealed to be ALSO GAY! Yeah, I don't think so.” Peter says as Bucky backs up a couple steps, no longer worked up over the marks on Peter. Or so it seems.

“I think that’s fine,” Bucky murmurs, staring at one particular spot on Peter’s neck. “More than fine, in fact.” These words are said so quietly that Peter’s sure that without his heightened senses, he wouldn't have heard them at all.

“What?” Peter says, pretending not to have heard.

“Nothing. Chap left lots of bruises, huh?” Bucky says, dragging his gaze from Peter’s neck all the way down to the handprints on his thighs.

“Yeah, I dunno. I just really like the feeling.” Peter muses, staring at his feet. “I think you started it, actually, Bucky.”

“I- what?” The older man says, momentarily stunned.

“Yeah, like, uh, a couple months ago, when we were sparring.” Peter says, looking back up at Bucky. The man’s eyes are positively glowing. They put Edward Cullen’s to shame, Peter decides.

“You, uh, grabbed my arm, a-and flipped me around,” Peter says, taking a step towards the older man. “I landed on my stomach, and y-you were still grabbing my arm.”

Bucky looks thoughtful, probably trying to remember this particular spar.

“You pulled a little bit, like you were- you were gonna break my arm.” Peter says quietly. “I got scared. I-It hurt- a little! Just a little!” He reassures Bucky, who looks like he’s just heard a story about Peter’s dog dying.

“And, um, I guess y-you got a flashback, or something? Then Mr. Rogers came in and pulled you, uh, off of me.” Peter finishes lamely. “But after that,” he covers his face, unable to look at Bucky as he utters out the last part. “I, uh, went straight to my room and I- I jerked off. I know it sounds really weird, but-” Peter pauses to take a peek at Bucky’s reaction, peeking from in between his fingers. He lets out a little sigh of relief when he sees that the older man doesn’t look disgusted with him. And if he is, well, at least he’s not showing it.

“-but I- I came harder than I’ve ever done before. And I did it while thinking about-” Peter stops. He takes a small step towards Bucky. “B-Bucky? A-Are you grossed out? Y-You think I-I'm disgusting, d-don't you?” Peter sniffles, wiping a tear away with the back of his hand.

“Are you sure?” Bucky says quietly, and Peter almost misses it.

“What?” Peter says, not sure if he heard right.

“Are you sure?” Bucky says, a little louder this time as he cradles Peter’s face with his good hand, wiping away a tear with his thumb.

“Sure about what?” Peter asks, brows furrowing. He’s so afraid that he was reading this all wrong, that Bucky doesn't like him like that.

“Sure about me.” Bucky whispers. “I lost control when I was sparring with you, Peter.”

“Buck. Bucky,” Peter says, glad that he didn't read this one wrong, chortling through his tears.

"Look at you," Bucky says, grabbing Peter's shoulders lightly and looking him up and down. "You're beautiful. You can do better than me."

Peter huffs, cups Bucky’s face in his hands, and pulls him down to meet their lips together. Peter swirls his tongue around Bucky’s, then pulls away. The older man looks dazed, staring at Peter hungrily, his eyes wild.

“There. That’s it. Do you want me or not?” Peter pouts, crossing his arms. “Because I want you, Bucky.”

There’s a low growl from Bucky, and then Peter’s being lifted. He hooks his legs around the man’s waist, the height perfect for Peter to just tilt his head down and press his lips to Bucky’s.

“God, I've been wanting this for so long,” Peter moans in between kisses. Bucky sits them down on the bed, and the boy immediately pushes him down onto his back, then moves to lie on top of him, kissing him fiercely. Bucky slips his tongue in and out of Peter’s mouth, teasing him, riling him up, and he wants to record the high whine that the action draws from Peter’s lips so he can play it over and over again, on repeat, after this is over.

They pull away from each other eventually, a string of spit connecting their lips. Peter licks it from his bottom lip, watching Bucky follow the movement intently.

“I- I want you to use something on me,” Peter whispers, watching for Bucky’s reaction. The man seems mildly curious. He gets off of Bucky and the bed, grabs the black anal beads from a box under his bed, and tentatively hands it to Bucky, who sits up to receive it.

“Um, y-you know what this is, right?” Peter asks, looking up at the older man.

“Do you have lube?” Bucky asks, holding the string of beads in his palm.

“C-Could you use spit?” Peter blushes. “I- I like it better when- when they use spit.”

“Huh. Okay.” Bucky says, brows raised. “Well, strip then.”

Peter blushes again then starts stripping, almost tripping when he goes to kick his pants off. He hesitates as he’s about to take off his boxers, and Bucky must sense his hesitation.

“I’ll turn away, if that makes you feel better.” Bucky teases.

The boxers and shirt come down quickly after that. He lies down face up on the bed, squirming a little, covering his dick with his hands.

“You good?” Bucky asks, still facing away from Peter.

“Yeah.” Peter’s voice cracks. Wincing, he watches Bucky slowly turn around to look at him, sprawled out on the bed. The older man takes his time looking at Peter, gaze lingering especially long at his crotch. He lowers himself down on Peter gently, pressing a kiss to the boy’s nose.

“You’re gorgeous.” Bucky whispers, pressing a trail of kisses from his nose all the way to his belly button, slowly moving down. He goes further south, pressing kisses to the backs of Peter’s hands, still covering his crotch. “Will you let me see your cock, baby?” Bucky murmurs, pressing kisses everywhere around where Peter’s hands are. He nuzzles at the boy’s crotch, drawing little gasps, before Peter moves his hands to fist at Bucky’s hair. The boy's little cocklet jumps erect, no longer being held down by his hands.

"Baby, is that why you didn't want to show me?" Bucky coos as he strokes Peter's tiny cocklet. "Because you're embarrassed of your cute little cock?"

“N-No-” Peter stammers, feeling a drop of precum pool at the head of his cock.

“So cute. So tiny,” Bucky murmurs. Peter blushes, humiliated at his size. “Not even really a cock. Just a small little hairless cocklet. I’m gonna play with it later, okay? Now turn around.” Bucky commands.

Peter flips onto his stomach obediently. He feels Bucky’s tongue nudge at his hole, an insistent pressure. Just as soon as the tongue enters, it pulls away. Bucky spits at his hole, and a finger pushes in instead. The stretch feels fucking amazing, and even though it’s just one finger, it stretches like if Peter had three of his own in.

Bucky twists his finger around, trying to widen the opening for a second finger to enter. He adds a second finger, then a third, and how full Peter feels has moans and whimpers escaping his lips. The older man’s fingers are nowhere near his prostate but he feels like he’s about to cum anytime now, feels so on edge.

“Look at you, a whimpering mess, all because of three fingers. I'm stretching you all loose, baby, all sloppy for me.” Bucky murmurs, enjoying watching Peter squirm at the words. “How are you gonna keep the beads in with a loose hole, baby? You gonna clench your ass real tight?”

Peter clenches his ass at the words, and Bucky groans, imagining that hole clenching around his cock, the wet heat engulfing his length.

“I think you’re ready for the beads, baby.” The words barely register in Peter’s mind as the first bead pushes into his hole, the lewd squelching sound making him blush. The second and third beads are increasingly larger, and Peter shuts his eyes, scrunching up his nose. He can hardly wait for the pressure that is when the final bead is pushed in, the biggest bead, but for now, the process is torturous.

“Look at your hole, baby, so stretched out by my fingers. Your ass is swallowing the beads like it’s hungry.” Bucky coos, pushing the fifth bead into Peter. He’s starting to feel the pressure, the weight in his ass, and it’s fucking delicious.

“M-More, Bucky-” Peter whimpers, wanting the biggest bead in him as soon as possible.

The older man complies, pushing in the last two beads speedily. “You ready for the last one, baby?” Bucky rasps, watching Peter’s fluttering hole raptly.

“Y-Yes, give it to me-” Peter moans, the beads rubbing against each other in his ass, pressing at his prostate with every movement. He tightens his ass around the beads, forcing them deeper, making room for the biggest bead. Whining, he feels the beads knocking around his walls, a constant pressure on his prostate now.

“You sure, baby? You look awfully full.” Bucky teases, bringing the last bead to his entrance but not quite pushing it in.

“Bucky, please! I can do it, I can take it-” Peter wails as the older man pushes the biggest bead into his ass with some difficulty. The last bead looks like it’s about to burst out of Peter anytime, but Peter sucks in his stomach, clenches his ass, and his hole swallows the biggest bead with a wet pop.

“Baby,” Bucky grunts, flipping Peter onto his back. “So good for me, taking whatever I give you.” Bucky runs his hand over the boy’s belly, protruding just the slightest bit from the beads. He massages Peter’s stomach, almost, and Peter is writhing, every stroke of Bucky’s hands making the beads roll onto his prostate, making the beads press against his rim.

Peter’s sweating, the blinding pleasure of pressure on his special spot making his head swim dizzily, and he mumbles some sort of warning to Bucky before he’s crying out, “B-Bucky! O-Oh god, oh god-” and spurting all over his stomach.

“Good boy, so good for me, baby,” Bucky whispers to Peter as the boy rides out his orgasm. “I'm gonna pull these out now, honey.”

Peter nods weakly, eyes bleary and brain fuzzy from the mind-blowing orgasm he’d just had. He feels a light tug at the string of beads in him.

“Peter, baby, you gotta relax.” Bucky murmurs, leaning forward to press a kiss at the tip of his cocklet. “Relax. It’s okay, sweetie, just relax, I’ve got you-” and he pulls the biggest bead out, the wet squelching loud and lewd. “It’s alright, the biggest one is out, baby.”

The rest come out easily, Bucky tugging lightly at the string. He puts his knees on either side of Peter, who’s still close to passing out.

“Thank you, Buck.” Peter mumbles, before falling asleep in the man’s arms.

***

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ps. also would be a great help if someone could tell me how to insert a keep reading on tumblr mobile. i hate to make yall scroll past 2.4k but i spent an hour trying to figure it out and nothing worked. help would be greatly appreciated!!!

[slasherscream]

Oh lord that last ask with the horror movie actress was so good, is it possible to ask for a continuation, if not thats all good. Also huge fan of your work!

A/N: thank you!! if it’s a continuation you want it’s a continuation you’ll get (glad you liked it enough to ask tbh cause it’s a fun one to write). here’s a link back to part one if you missed it.

     billy loomis x reader x stu macher ft. fem!reader who is a horror movie star …. part two

                                                     ——————– 

The very first thing Billy and Stu do once they leave school that day is go and do some research on you. How did they not know who you are? They know Randy wasn’t joking because of #1. your intense reaction and #2. they bullied him for a little more information.

Billy’s first assumption since he (the self-proclaimed master of the horror genre) doesn’t know anything about you is to assume you’re either a very shitty actress or been in really shitty movies. He’s mean so he’s leaning more towards you being a really shitty actress.

Stu’s kinda just excited to have met a “super hot babe” who is famous. Although the horror movie part of that is what double peaked his interest. 

They stop by the video store and Randy’s on shift. Sure enough there are a couple of your movies in stock and he obviously hands them over (even though he wanted to binge them all tonight… #Poor Randy).

They get their snacks and head to Stu’s house ready to be judgmental assholes of course. Billy’s probably already imagining killing you because one of the movie covers is super lame and if this is a total waste of his time someone is gonna pay for it. Stu is the type to watch crappy movies on purpose, however, so he’s fucking ready for anything.

They. Are. So. Fucking. Shocked.

Billy eat your fucking heart out. 

The first movie they pick is super shitty. It’s the very first one where you’re not a kid actually (yeah you’re a regular pro and have been in the game that long) but you        you’re a shining fucking star in it. Everything else about it is shit. The aesthetic. The score. The other actors. The villain. But you’re incredible. Its one saving grace.

If it had been anyone else’s debut movie it would’ve ended their career before it began. Instead it made you shine even brighter.

Every movie they watch after that gets better and better. You’re clearly now able to pick and choose your projects and you’re picking the cream of the fucking crop. 

In almost every movie you’re the final girl, the star of the show, and they absolutely think you deserve it. They’ve never been so into a movie marathon in their fucking lives. Excited screams. Cheering! Actually rooting for you and not whatever monster or deranged killer is after you. 

Then they get to the very last movie you made. It’s recent. Came out within the year, actually, and they both realize the reason they missed it coming out (and all its stellar reviews as it’s your most popular one yet) is because they’d just begun plotting the ghostface killings at the time. They were busy okay!

And yes they did have a small, totally pointless argument over whose fault it is that they missed out on all your fucking movies.

stu: how did you not see these, man? i thought you watched cult classics too!billy: shut the fuck up she’s baCK ON SCREEN - 

They lose their fucking minds when they read the summary for this movie. Because this time Hollywood’s favorite “fresh-blood sweetheart of horror” isn’t playing the helpless heroine. This time she’s the fucking killer. 

Stu physically screams out loud because he knows it’s about to go down and Billy is playing it cool even though “I’m the only other person here, Billy who the fuck are you pretending for?”

Stu won’t stop fucking hitting Billy’s shoulder like an excited teenage girl watching Twilight for the first time. You’re his fucking Edward Cullen and Jacob Black combined. He’s going to pass out if he gets any more excited and if Billy has a bruise on his arm he’s gonna “beat the shit out of you, Stu, swear to god-”

The look on your face during the movie sometimes when you’re covered in the blood of your victims from head-to-toe? Billy has fucking chills. He’s never been more in love or turned on in his life. He’s not ever gonna get scared by a horror movie at this point but if he was         yours would be the one to scare him. Holy fUCK he’s in love.

Every-time you get a brutal kill in Stu starts screaming, “That’s our girl! That’s our fucking girl!” He has already made up his mind on this subject, clearly.

There’s popcorn everywhere because Stu keeps spilling the bowl but Billy isn’t making him make anymore because neither of them are fucking eating at this point let’s get real. They’re fucking transfixed. 

When it’s all over           and that includes watching behind the scenes shit and the gag reels for every fucking movie           they turn to each other and they just start grinning.

Killing the horror movie actress that just moved to town? Ugh, that would be so predictable! Cliche, really! Do they look unoriginal to you? 

hONESTLY they and by that I mean Billy can’t even lie to themselves about why they’re not gonna kill or hurt you. This is love at first fucking scream, baby!

If there was a song playing during this fucking moment it’d be “One Way Or Another” because they’re definitely gonna fucking get ya’. 

The next day you walk into school and it’s a fucking circus. Someone heard Randy of course and now everyone wants to get close to the Hollywood Actress among them. You can see your dreams of a little normalcy slipping down the drain and even though everyone is being oooooh so nice to you (including people who before the reveal had been acting like you hadn’t existed or even been mean to you) you feel close to tears with frustration.

Then you’re yanked into an empty classroom by two sets of hands. You’re about to lose your fucking mind honestly and you turn around swinging your heavy ass math book without a second thought. You’re out for blood.

“Whoa! Put down the weapon of mass destruction, babe!” Stu, you recognize him and do stop swinging because you know these two are friends of Tatum and Sidney. 

As soon as you stop swinging the anger fades too and you’re left with nothing but that bitter feeling of disappointment. You start crying right then and there and it’s a special kind of humiliation. At least you can experience the shame of crying at school like a normal girl.

Both the boys are panicking although Billy is better at hiding it. He’s not even putting on a sympathetic face when he puts an arm around you, he’s actually very upset that you’re upset,  “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing! It’s dumb! I’m dumb!” Your attempted brush off does not make them go away like you wanted.

In fact now Stu is pulling your hands away from your face and staring down at you like a kicked puppy. He doesn’t let go of your hands and you don’t pull them away. As much as he’s a stranger you don’t have many friends and you do actually want comfort, “You’re not dumb. Why are you crying? If you’re crying over something it can’t be dumb!”

“I’m gonna sound like such a spoiled brat.”

“Try us.” Goes Billy wearing the most intense stare he’s ever had in his life (and that’s saying something).

“It’s just that …. It’s just that I moved all the way out here to get away from all the bullshit! I just wanted to try being normal for awhile! Go to school! Have normal friends! Be a normal teen! And now because of one dumb kid that’s all gone down the drain!" 

More waterworks are happening even as Stu’s trying frantically to wipe them away while absolutely refusing to let go of your hands.

They both kinda wanna kill Randy now since he’s kinda the reason you’re crying. But if he hadn’t been such a spaz they wouldn’t know how fucking incredible you are so they kinda owe him at the moment. The dork lives to see another day, they guess.

What’s really important to them right now is you, and making you feel better as soon as possible. You’re really breaking their hearts here. 

"Why don’t we get out of here?” Billy suggests smoothly, never one to waste time or a good opportunity. 

“What?” The tears come to a slow and it’s only now you start taking note of just how much these two strange boys are touching you. Billy is behind you, one arm around your waist and the other wrapped around your shoulders. Stu is leaning all the way over you both like some sort of benevolent, concerned giant with his hands still holding onto yours tightly. 

“Why don’t we get out of here! Great idea, Billy!” Stu crows with excitement. 

“Oh I see — lemme guess, the two of you want to spend some ’alone time’ with the big shot Hollywood actress, huh?” Your tone is harsh enough that it’d make weaker men cower. Billy and Stu are the type to rise to a challenge. 

“More like you seem to be good friends of Sidney and Tatum      ” Billy starts,

“      and any friend of theirs is a friend of ours!” Stu finishes, “They’d kill us if they knew we let you run around school crying your pretty, little eyes out.”

“It’s really not because I’m famous     ?” Your voice is so small and insecure it makes them frown. 

“What’s your name again? I forgot it.” Billy jokes and it actually startles a snort out of you even as you slide your way out of their arms.

You take a breath and wipe your face, hoping to make yourself a little bit presentable at least. Finally you turn to them and nod, “You know what? Yeah      yeah then, let’s get the hell out of here.”

You don’t have to tell them twice. They each grab a hand and practically drag you out of the building, you go along easily, laughing your head off all the way. Just the fact that he’s hearing your laughter without it being filtered through a television screen is enough to make Stu laugh too. Billy’s joy is more reserved but the smile on his face is undeniable and much softer than usual. 

This is gonna be the start of something beautiful. They’ll make sure of it.

                                                     ——————–

[volturialice]

Spork Haven chapter 19: hur-fucking-rah

welcome to spork haven, where I spork the EL James fic you’ve never heard of

previous chapter | next chapter | contents

previously on Spork Haven:

actor!Edward went to NYC and yelled at hotel maid!Bella a lot and it was shitty! this somehow led to them confessing their love for each other! thanks, I hate it!

chapter 19 starts with Edward on the phone with his agent/bodyguard whatever, Taylor, who if you’ll recall is the exact same character from fifty sh@des. he tells Taylor why he’s in NYC and what’s been going on with Bella. Taylor offers to make Bella a star, which Edward turns down on her behalf because he doesn’t think it’d be “her bag.”

yeah, because he doesn’t know her at all. the only things he knows about Bella are that she likes cellos and his dick him. (no really, that’s actually in the text.)

Taylor advises Edward to keep his relationship under wraps, both for publicity reasons and because he’s worried Edward might be "at risk” from the bad guys who are after Bella.

ah yes, that’s the spirit. he keeps calm and carries on, flying back to Vegas to be ready for another day of work.

that night he is awakened from his “delicious fucking erotic dream about little Bella Swann” by a call from none other than the delicious little orphan herself. he asks her if she’ll come with him as his date to an awards show in LA the day after tomorrow. she responds “like a date?” as if this is a huge new concept. apparently these characters do not remember that they’ve already BEEN ON A GODDAMN DATE.

yes. she has. WITH YOU, FUCKFACE. remember that thing with the lake picnic? Edward dressing up like a maintenance guy? the classic stupid EL James Erotic Elevator Kiss™? why are they acting like this will be their first date when they already made a huge honking deal out of their actual lame first date?? I don’t know but I hate them (and erika) more than ever.

Bella tells Edward the reason she’s never been on a date before (🤬) is because her grandmère didn’t let her date boys (or girls. sorry, Edythe.) then she says

now, I really want to like this line, because it hearkens back to one of my all time favorite Edward lines in canon, where he tells Bella the reason he’s so good at piano and languages etc is because he had to pass the time while the rest of the Cullens were off fucking each other’s brains out.

but I CAN’T because of the STUPID CONTEXT of this ASININE FIC whose author apparently can’t even remember the things SHE HERSELF WROTE a few chapters ago.

anyway, Bella says she’ll ask Emmett and Jasper if she can fly to LA for a date with Edward. I hope they say yes but only on the condition that they get to come too and sit between Edward and Bella the whole time.

Edward is in a great mood the next day because it’s Tanya’s last day on set. “Hur-fucking-rah,” says Edward (no, really.) he gets Eric (hi Eric!) to 

you know what would be a better way to cut ties with Tanya and discourage her from assaulting you in public? not buying her a present.

just saying. 

anyway Eric buys Tanya an antique mirror, which Edward finds “very apt.” get it? it’s because she’s old and vain. in unrelated news, I am going to buy erika an antique mirror for christmas.

Edward has a fun day on set because Mike’s teen daughters come to visit and he gets to show them around. you’d think Mike would’ve learned to keep any child of his far, far away from Safe Haven!Edward by now, but apparently not.

when Edward gets back to his hotel room, surprise! Bella is there! she is wearing “fuck—a skirt.” Edward is very happy about this

mmm. sexy.

idk about y’all but nothing gets me going like a nice complex simile about a specific big ol’ concrete barrier that holds back water.

anyway they kiss and stuff, Bella tells Edward that the criminal trial she’s a witness in is taking some days off so she’s flown in for the weekend, and they kiss some more.

then we get another classic erika Infantilize-Then-Sexualize moment, of the slightly more unusual self-directed variety

yikes. while they are making out, Edward asks Bella if Emmett and Jasper came with her (they did), referring to them as “the Chuckle Brothers.”

now I, unfortunately, have never been a British child, so I had to google the real life Chuckle Brothers. they did not disappoint:

from now on I will be picturing these two dudes whenever Emmett and Jasper are mentioned. no further questions.

anyway, Edward and Bella start to get it on

I would make y’all another sideburns moodboard but I can’t. not again. i’m...not strong enough.

anyway, they go on to have sex in a seriously dull passage about which only two things are notable:

1. the writing is beyond atrocious. like. there’s not a comma IN SIGHT. here’s a real sentence, copied and pasted directly:

I free her hair bringing my hands down to the sides of her breasts and with my thumbs I pull each of the cups of her bra down freeing her breasts and they’re forced up by the under wire of her bra pointing directly at me.

try reading that out loud without pausing for breath at any point. I dare you.

2. they don’t use a condom.

jesus h. christ on a cracker, if erika gives these characters a baby then as god is my witness I will call cps

best “fucks”

“fucking glee”

“an unexpected fucking delight” (bella)

“fucking innocent” (bella)

“anxious as fuck” (bella)

“a fucking girl” (edward)

“completely fucking blank” (edward’s mind)

next chapter: a fucking moron

[neirawrites]

I was a Twihard in high school. Then I was a Twilight hater. In  2018, I decided to reread the first book, to see for myself on which side I belonged. I wrote my thoughts as I read, in multiple parts, but on my main blog, so I thought I might share them on my writeblr too, because I kinda had fun with it. 

Enjoy my many, many notes

Pages 0-50

I’m actually kinda into it. Yeah, there are a many issues every article on editing tells you to fix (filter words, -ing verbs and things like that), but i feel it. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there.

Bella isn’t that bad of a protagonist. Nothing too spectacular, but she’s fine. She is depressed, self sacrificing and hides her feelings, but also a lot more self aware than i though she would be(like when she notices mike, my son, likes her). She’s a typical teenage girl, the introverted type, way into reading. there’s nothing wrong with that.

I don’t know why i remember Edward being a draco in leather pants,but he’s also fine for now. mysterious and handsome and a bit weird. The first real conversation they have, he’s polite and nice and charming. I expected him to be a dick for like 150 pages at least.

Pages 50-100

I’m still really into it.

Yeah,Edward kinda ghosts her/gaslights her after the whole van incident, but with the benefit of hindsight,i kinda get it. It’s a wonder he didn’t pick up his entire family and moved to Alaska again. I also get her mood during that time and I've been there so i feel ya,Bella,it’s not your fault.

And yeah, Bella gets invited to the dance by three different guys and it’s all kinds of fan fic-y, but the fact she turns them down furthers my belief she’s wake up married to Edward in like a few years and realize she would rather be with Rosalie (a solid choice, might i add).

Edward’s really pushy, especially when it comes to the scene after she faints. like, let her go, you jerk, she can drive herself, but he’s more weird than he’s a jerk and i think that was intentional.

A big surprise was the line “what if i’m not the hero, what if i’m the bad guy?” which isn’t this super cheesy, extra dramatic sentence but a jokey joke told with a laugh. actually, that whole conversation in the cafeteria where she tries to guess what he is is gold and don’t try to tell me otherwise.

I’m reading her interests in him as less of a romantic thing, and more of frustration at his behavior,like she would still be fascinated by him if he wasn’t so hot because he’s just so weird (but being hot is definitely a plus).

Plot? What plot?

Still, while the flaws are there, i’m still enjoying it very much.

Pages 100-150

Is Stephanie Meyer into anime? Cuz she wrote a harem light novel,that’s what she did and that’s how i’ll read it from now on and have more fun doing it. (Might make a post elaborating on this further).

All this to say that we got to Jacob. Not gonna lie, I kinda forgot about him.  He seems like a nice kid and i’m glad Bella has some positive interaction. Team jacoj 4 life (jk,man,i was team jasper in high school which is in retrospect very weird of me). I know he becomes a friend-zoned dudebro later, but for now, he’s fine.

Meyer, lady, you’re winning me over as a half hearted defender of your work, but why are the girls so bitchy? Yeah,i know, bitchy girls exist in real life, especially in high schools,but girls are our friends and we need more positive female on female interactions. Just my personal preference, I guess.

Things are getting interesting. Bella’s dreaming weird dreams (just fyi, not a big fan of dream scenes in general), she’s googling like crazy  and we’re going to Port Angeles.

I never felt she has any sort of affection for Angela or Jessica who seem really nice and have done nothing wrong. Like loosen up Bella, give them a chance. I know, depression makes you into a bitch sometimes, but it would warm me up to her character if she was a little more affectionate with people around her.

That whole scene where she almost gets at best beaten up and mugged and at worst raped and killed is… not my favorite part of the whole thing. I get what Meyer needed to do, to have her be saved by Edward, but there must have been a better way to go about it. What do I know? I’m the queen of forced plot contrivances. I do like their conversation at the restaurant (again, why do we hate the female waitress, Steph?). I don’t know why, I expected Edward to be mad at Bella for what happened to her and he seems genuinely concerned and his anger feels… human. Some of his actions, however, do not.

He stalked her which is weird and creepy and I hate it. Don’t stalk people, Edward. most of us don’t like it. you’re lucky Bella’s a weirdo.

150-200

I kinda love how ok she’s with the whole vampire thing. she’s just “well, this kid i barely know told me a scary story, so i guess the guy from school is a vampire. it be like that sometimes.” my first assumption would be it’s all an elaborate prank to make fun of me (i have some deep seeded trust issues origins of which remain unknown). and he’s waaay to quick to confirm her suspicions. I think there’s an explanation in the part of midnight sun that got leaked, but that was like a century ago.

I would criticize her for being ride or die with Edward so fast, falling in love with him so quickly, but i exchanged like 5 sentences with a cute girl last night and a part of is ready to propose based on the artiness of her instagam, so who the eff am i to judge?

and i get why he’s fascinated with her. she’s the only one he can’t read.

why? i don’t think that question ever gets a good enough answer, but it’s a fictional story about a girl falling in love with a sparky vampire. i’m not here for complex science or detailed explanations.

he seems waaay too protective of her. She’s a big girl, Ed, she can take care of herself. It’s actually kinda annoying. i dislike how he treats like a child a lot of the time. he seems pretty condescending. also, if he broke her car, i’m taking back everything nice i said about him.

ok, let me finally address bella’s biggest character flaw, her clumsiness. i mean, i get why she has it but Meyer goes a bit too hard on it. i’m clumsy, i really am, full of bruises, always bumping into things, but Bella can’t walk 20 meters without tripping. i guess i’m just glad she becomes a vampire in the book four, otherwise the book five would have been about her struggles when she’s diagnosed with a stage four inoperable brain tumor that’s been mesing with her sense of balance and the whole things turns into a weird version of the fault in our starts.

if i were writing it i would focus on her trust issues and being unable to form real bonds with other people as her main flaw, maybe even use it to try and justify the whole thing with the mind Edward can’t read. Like, she’s too different in a way that makes her unable to connect even on a basic level, like that one Blue whale that sings at a different frequency than all the others. Idk,i write pulpy sci fi. but it’s easy to be a general after the battle.

we got to the two infamous lines:

how are you? 17. how long have you been 17?  is another line that’s more jokey than i though it would be, but also the most realistic piece of dialogue in this book. i would so ask the same thing.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, this paragraph has been memed to death. Second, there was a part of me-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that would know every word of it till the day i died. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in like with it.

200-300

Not gonna lie, the whole part where he goes around asking her questions he is legitimately interested in knowing the answers to is at the same time my kinkiest fantasy and my deepest fear. like, yaaas, daddy, get to know me on the personal level and don’t be turn off by the fact i’m a tabula rasa.

We got to the infamous meadow scene and Bella is sooo horny on main for that vampire stake it’s actually kinda funny. She gets so effing into it she faints. I fucking love this girl. Go get that adonis dick, Bella, you deserve it.

I don’t mind vampires sparkle.i mean,it’s lame and fanfic-y but in Bosnia we have the lampires so vampires are creatures with a high dose of plasticity. i don’t know why that was like the worst thing anyone has ever done to the vampires. They are kinda too strong and could use a real weakness tho.  

So the lion fell in love with the lamb is kind of another joke. Also, this is the skin of a killer is sadly just in the movie.

I do have the feeling he likes the project that he sees in Bella more than the real girl,but ok. Also stop nagging her. He watches her sleep. What a creep. I don’t know why, but the fact that he’s a vampire who doesn’t have to sleep makes it kinda less creepy for me. I don’t know why.

But “if i could dream at all i would be about you,” is the kind of ultracheese i can get behind. they are both such teenagers and i kinda looooove it.

Also non of the boys were her type is such a lesbian excuse. I feel ya Bella, i feel ya. I hope you discover your gayness after the end of breaking dawn.

We meet the cullens and every single one of them has a backstory like 528 times more interesting than Edward. i need novels about them, all of them ffs. it would be so cool. but, one of my favorite oc’s Errien Lark gets like 30 lines in the whole book so i can only be as harsh on Meyer as on myself (which is to say a lot. neither of us deserve these characters, honestly)

This book would have been more interesting if Bella fell in love in any other cullen. Like, Bella and Alice, Bella and jasper (Bella and Jasper and Alice. Sorry, i’m into solving love triangles with ot3s).Bella and Rosalie, Calilise, Esme, even Emmett, who i remember  as mike of the vampires, but it’s been a decade.

300 pages in and plot is yet to happen, but it’s ok. we have the vampire baseball next.

the last part.

get your hot takes! hot takes right here

I kinda like billy. He seems like a nice guy. Also billy/charlie as my new otp.

“The beautiful one,the godlike one.” Bella, you are such a teen.

The less fucks she has about him being an all powerful ancient creature of the night who can murder her in a heartbeat, the funnier it is. She is just soo casual about it. Comedy gold, i tell ya. i mean, this is actually part of the narrative, Edward comments on it, meyer knows what she wrote.

Ed,maybe is you stopped saying she smells good, you would be better at not thinking about her as food. Mind over matter. Just a thought. Maybe i misjudged his virgin ass. Maybe ed the incel actually fell in love with her. Or at least what he thinks is love since they’ve been dating for like two days (look who’s talking?the girl who reads any sign of affection as a statement of love and then gets disappointed).

“Emmett could never be compared to a gazelle”. That’s sexist steph. Emmett, honey, you are as gracious as you want to be.

Also a big yaaaas on the whole concept of vampire baseball. we needed more of it.

Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot!

We have encountered plot. Only 320 pages in. three bad vampires came into town.

Story time: when i was in high school, all like 20 of us in out class were really, really into twilight (dudes included). we quoted it all the time but the height of comedy happened when someone brought their friend from another school to out class and someone else was like “you brought a snack” and a meme was born to be quoted endlessly for months. it was actually kinda fun. and probably very annoying for anyone who wasn’t into twilight.

Also, any development? Backstory? Motivations other than for the hell of it for out boi James and his ginger girlfriend? come on, it wouldn’t even be that hard. Also, some foreshadowing? There was like one line before. This is a legitimate criticism. it’s kinda shitty writing and a wasted opportunity.

Edward is being a dick again. I get he’s scared but her dad could die. Or maybe they’ll trun him into a vampire too (charlie/Edward? Think about it). But they all call him out on it which is nice. Bella’s plan isn’t bad, but “let me go charlie” is the straight up coldest thing i have read in a long time. it’s supposed to be, this isn’t criticism, just stating the obvious. But she showed like an inclining of love for her dad who has been nothing but nice all this time. Yeeey, she’s not a robot.

“It was the best idea. Of course it was mine” . Yaas, queen, you’re not that much of a doormat;  take that credit.

i would do something to foreshadow the ballet studio thing in the first half of the book. at least, have Bella or Charlie looking at pictures from her recital, just to intricate it to the plot a bit more.

Ok, now i remember why i was team jasper. He is so effing nice. And he would be awesome for my depression. Neira/Alice/jasper, i ship it.

i’m kinda digging the explanations of how vampires work and the whole venom thing. They are still op af and need to be nerfed, but i wanna be one.

Of course, he used the mom. She’s like the only person bella actually cares about. She falls for it. i would probably fall too, but i’m dumb.

the fact that james hunted Alice is a nice and a very much needed twist. it did catch me of guard. i would be more mad he’s a bad guy monologing, but i can only introduce stones to my own glass houses.

Bella’s now more into the idea of being a vampire than into Edward and i’m living for it. she’s going to use him for his venom and a baby and run off with rosalie.

“and how many times did she fall our of a window?” (yes, that is a Sherlock reference in the year 2018 of our lord. maybe i should do that for my next project. should i wait a few more years?)

her mom is not worried enough, honestly. my mom would be freaking out. but my mom has anxiety issues, so idk… (i couldn’t get her smooth hairless legs, or her blue eyes but i got that gene. thanks, i guess) .

“And i have a couple of girlfriends” now that’s a novel i want to read but i guess i’ll have to write the lesbian twilight myself.

“I want to be superman too”. yeeees, finally, kristen steward in the role of superman casting of the century. you would all watch it and love it, and you know it.

Charlie doesn’t deserve this shit. when will he retire with his husband billy in their cabin where they can fish all day.

“Do you want me to bolt the door so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?“ Are we sure she hasn’t been a vampire from day one?

Jacob is a sweetie (for now) just putting that out there.

Edward is kinda being unreasonable. being a vampire in your universe isn’t that bad.

Aaaaw, and that’s a wrap.

i actually kinda digged it. it’s nothing special, but i read these last 150 pages in one sitting. my main issues are writing oriented. very little foreshadowing, many filter words and things like that, but i guess if you aren’t that into writing, you might not even notice more of that.

it’s not the death of literature, it’s not the worst love story ever told. it’s just a silly and mostly harmless wish fulfillment novel.

edward can be a controlling and condescending prick but he gets called out on it very often. it’s not like meyer is completely oblivious to what she’s writing. and even tho he’s 100, i guess they are all mostly stuck mentally at the age when they were turned. or at least that’s how it seems to me. bella is kind of a bitch to everyone who’s not a vampire and she’s never called out on it, there’s a glimpse of change in the epilogue, but i don’t think meyer really considered it a character flaw. which is a shame, as it could have made for an interesting character. all the vampires have stories i would rather read about, as i said before, but what can ya do? that’s what’s fanfics are for.

i may write more of cohesive thought on it when it settles in my brain, but first, i need to watch the movie. i have a hypothesis i need to test.

but i don’t regret doing this. it was kinda fun and now i’m no longer ashamed of my twihard phrase. i could have done worse, as far as teen phases go.

Someone should like write a fanfic, but Edward is not a vampire, but a rich guy. And he’s into some hard core spanky business. And they should take all the problematic elements and just crank them up to 11. And add a looot of sex. I bet they could make millions.

Tho, honestly, how can you read twilight and not make bella the kinky dom? you fundamentally misunderstood the story. for shame

[peachywise]

nullify

an umbrella academy fanfiction // klaus hargreeves x reader 

- part i: the introduction || part ii ⋆ part iii ⋆ part iv ⋆ part v ⋆ part vi ⋆  more parts to be released 

- synopsis: A child and a ghost whisperer walk into a diner. Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but really it’s just the start of an odd, slightly painful night. Turns out they need you and your power to do something, and Klaus seems way to thrilled and fascinated by you and what you can do. (takes place after the events of the first season) 

- notes: lmao how long has it been since i wrote a fic?? too long thanks anyways the reader is they/them pronouns and everything is pretty vague description wise for inclusivity and shit!! also even though this is klaus x reader focused ~romance~ wise i’ll be writing a shit ton with the reader interacting with the other guys like this part is deadass just as focused on number five as it is klaus. let me know if you guys want this as a series??? i won’t write more parts if people aren’t down but i left it open-ended so it could be a series but honestly, it’d be fine as a one-off too so read what you will k love you bye. tw for swearing

link on ao3 

________________________________________

“Isn’t that a health code violation?” 

Looking up from your book you'd been reading for the past half hour, you heaved a heavy-handed sigh. Sitting on the back counter of the dead dinner you worked at was the least of this shitty establishments problems. “I’ll be sure to let the rats in the kitchen know of your concerns,” you replied simply. 

Dog-earring the page of your book, you set it down beside you. Hopping off, you stepped forward towards the counter as the kid who just entered sat down on one of the stools, planting himself with a look of clear repugnance as he eyed his surrounding subtly. Resting your elbows on the counter, you propped your head on your hands and gave a friendly grin, “I’m sure they’d be happy to whip up some Mickey Mouse pancakes, special just for you.” 

His face though perfectly deadpanned couldn’t hide the slight tick of annoyance in his eyes. “Just get me a black coffee,” he muttered. 

“Coffee will stunt your growth.” 

“You’ll be stunted if you keep up this horrible customer service.”

“Ouch,” sarcasm dripped from your tone as you raised your hands up in mock defeat, “the kitten’s got a bit of a bite there, doesn’t he?” 

Quite honestly, your day was now veering on to a particularly delightful route you hadn’t expected when you first woke up this morning. You suddenly believed some sort of divine karma was finally rewarding you with some quality entertainment. He could banter— a bit on the aggressive side, but you would take what you could get out of the interaction. You knew it wasn’t going to last long. 

“Look, are you going to give me the coffee or are you just going to stand around all day uselessly taking in the air that could be breathed in by more deserving people?” 

Oh, so he’s got knobby knees and wit to match. 

Letting a slow amused smile cross your face as you gave a lazy curtsy, you casually made your way over to the fresh pot and grabbed one of the porcelain white mugs, giving him a knowing look as you poured a good ‘ol black cup of joe. Setting the pot back down, you sauntered your way back over still holding the smile. The kid rolled his eyes, reaching out a hand as he impatiently said, “thank you,” in a refined and expertly practiced condescending manner. But you didn’t hand it to him. No, instead you casually leaned back against the back counter and took a long sip of the burning hot liquid. 

Well, the little tyke certainly did not like that. 

In what was an actually flash of blue light before your eyes, the kid vanished from his place on the rickety red vinyl stool and was beside you a moment later, ripping the mug from your hand with such force that caused the liquid to spill over the sides, scorching your hand and splashing it on your already grease stained, 50’s themed uniform. So, he was words and action. You could respect that. 

“What, no screaming? Not even another smartass comment?” He half-heartedly asked, his eyebrow quirked slightly as he studied you. It was like he was waiting for some sort of delayed reaction from his little magic trick. While yes, it was a little jarring to see it in the flesh for the first time, the moment he had walked through those glass doors you expected a bit of a ‘powerful’ confrontation.

You knew he was Number Five. You knew he was a part of that Umbrella Academy. 

“You know who I am,” he stated in his all brilliant glory. Well, look at that. Seemed he was a real Sherlock as well as a tiny space hopper.  

Easily taking the cup of coffee back, wincing slightly as the cold air pressed against the new burn you tried to seem unfazed about, you took a sip and mumbled against the rim of the cup, “I’m a bit surprised you’re here and actually alive, but it’s easy to remember a face that hasn’t aged a day." Setting the mug down on the counter, you pressed a hand to your hip and questioned, “how is that exactly? Did you run from home just to make yourself immortal? Found yourself an Edward Cullen to bite you or something?” 

Now, you’ve had people look at you like you were stupid before, but no one with a talent such as him. Even though he was looking up at you, he still mastered that beady squinty little look that read ‘you’re the joke of the earth’. Precious. 

“I don’t know who Edward Cullen is, but I’m not immortal, and I don’t have time to explain the whole story to you in detail. Let’s just say I got stuck in time.” Doing his little magic flash again, he appeared back on the other side of the counter, continuing to speak as he added, “Is anyone else here? I assume you’d rather show me what you can do without anyone else around.” 

Ah, yes. What you could do. So that was why he was here. Part of you wondered if someday it would happen. That’s why you knew who he was when he first walked in after all. You kept tabs on all of them, at least a bit. Yeah, the whole “Umbrella Academy” was famous for a little while when you were a kid, but most people had since forgotten them and the kids in the academy had grown up and had become almost unrecognizable. Well, apart from Five. And maybe Allison, but hell, she was famous for a while different reason now. 

Like the others, you were born October 1st 1989 to a completely unexpecting mother who got the shock of her god damn life. If you were 9 months pregnant in under a minute flat, you’d probably be pretty shocked too. However, you were just stunned that something as odd as that could actually happen and result in you getting powers.

Unlike the others, when your parents were approached by professor evil monopoly Reginald Hargreeves, your mom rejected anything he offered in favor of her miracle baby. She was certain she was the new Virgin Mary despite absolutely not being a virgin and refused to give up that title up. At least at that moment, she didn’t want to anyway.  

“You managed to figure out where I worked, and I assume at this point you know my name,” you started, “so why don’t you just tell me what I can do and let me know why you're here so I can turn you down and get back to my book.” Gesturing your hands around the extremely empty diner, you breathed, “I’m a very busy person as you can see.” 

Five didn’t say anything, instead just giving you an almost thoughtful look. You didn’t trust it one fucking bit. 

Quicker than you would have expected out him, he reached over and picked up one of the plates on the counter and threw it your way with such force you wondered for a second if the reason he'd been missing for so long was because he’d taken up a passionate love affair with baseball. On instinct, damn the treacherous thing, your body chilled as a static feeling pushed out of you, surrounding you in a soft, nearly invisible blue bubble-- your force field. The plate bounced right off and landed on the floor, shattering lamely and loudly. 

It was legal to kill a kid who had been missing for years, right?

“Can’t you play a game of catch with the poor kid?” Came a new drama-dripped voice in the door, the little bell ringing softly as he spoke. “His father was a sociopath who didn't pay him any mind, he’s very stunted as you can see. So desperate for the affection and attention of strangers.” 

Klaus. He’d been harder to track over the years, but from the feather collared jacket and lack of shirt, you could spot the eccentricity of him miles away. 

Taking on a protective stance, you moved from behind the counter and positioned yourself in front of Five, stage whispering to him, “careful, looks like one of the kitchen rats got out. They’re very diseased.”

Klaus tilted his head to the side, his mouth snapping open and his eyebrows rising up in stunned amusement. Pointing at you, he turned his attention towards Five and stated, “I’m wounded! This seems to be going on spectacularly, don’t you think?”

Shaking your head with a slight grin, you started to speak to ream five out for throwing a freakin’ plate, but your words died off on the tip of your tongue when your gross ass boss pushed open the doors to the kitchen, his loud, gritty greased voice shouted, “what did you break out here?” His spine went rigid a bit when he seemed to finally note the presence of two other people, but his eyes quickly glanced at the shattered plate and his face continued to get splotchy and red. “Is that your kid who broke it? Jesus, that’s coming out of your paycheck.”

Wow, that 50 cent shitty plate? How would you ever survive? 

Hands slipped around your neck in a hug as Klaus propped his chin on top of your head, his attention fully on your boss. “I’m so sorry sir, you know how it is with kids, gotta get all those angst and deep-seated feeling out somehow. Yesterday we found out he’s been pretending the family cat was his girlfriend. Had to take him to the hospital to get those scratches on his little friend checked out, if you know what I mean,” he smiled, moving away from you to pat the clearly seething Five on the head. 

Before the kid could say anything or do something that would get you in more shit, you plastered your own happy little smile on and bent down beside him, wrapping your arms around his shoulder as you continue to address your boss. “He was just upset because he found out I told his teacher about his little bed wetting problem.” Five ripped your arm away with incredible force and stepped away from you both. Sighing dramatically, you rested the side of your face on your palm and slightly shook your head, adding, “It’s so hard, I just don’t know where we went wrong!” 

Klaus snickered behind you, while your boss looked properly petrified and regretful about having walked in on the whole ordeal at all. 

“Just uh-- forget about it. Clean it up okay?” 

Giving him a wink and you stood back up, you flicked your wrist in a lazy salute. “You got it, Boss Man.” He couldn’t turn back around and get back to the back room fast enough. 

Turning the face the two once again, Klaus grinned as he said, “brilliant work,” raising his hand for a knowing high five. You happily obliged. 

“Was that really necessary?” Five ground out from between his teeth, as you shot him back an incredulous look. “Was it necessary to throw a plate at me?” you retorted, fully not expecting him to reply with, “Yes. It was the only way I could make sure you had a force field.” 

Smartass.

Running your hand through your hair tiredly to get it out of your face, you crossed your arms again and didn’t bother to argue anymore. “Just tell me what this is about.” At this point, you were tired and really just wanted to get back to your quiet night. Klaus was also giving you a once over every thirty seconds and you weren’t quite sure what he looked so bloody excited and anxious about. 

“I have a theory, and I’d like to test it out,” Five said. Klaus quickly interjected with, “and I’m one of the test subjects,” wiggling his eyebrows as he did. 

Narrowing your gaze, you questioned “one of?” 

“Well, it requires you, but before I explain, to what extent can you use your powers? Have you done anything more than just deflect things off your field?”

You shook your head, confusion still clouding your words. “That’s all. Some guy tries to knife me? He bounces off. Sometimes I get lucky and he stabs himself in the process. It’s a simple thing. 

“How many times has someone tried to knife you?” Klaus asked with a small snort, but Five cut him off with a great little bomb of information. “I’ve done some calculations on how your power works, and I think that if someone like us was in the field with you it might nullify our powers.”Huh.

“And... math makes you think that?” 

Five rolled his eyes. You got the idea he did that a fair bit. “I want to test out to see if that’s true, so if you will,  please conjure up your field around you and Klaus and we’ll see if it works on him.” 

Flashing your eyes to Klaus who almost seemed to jitter with excitement, your eyes got slightly wide when you asked, “wait, there’s a ghost here? Like right now?” You swiveled your head around like you would actually be able to see it.  

Klaus nodded his head. “Ben, meet Y/N, Y/N meet our brother Ben.” Pressing a hand to his heart, he added, “forever in our hearts and forever by my side. I am his saving grace.” Turning his head abruptly, he quickly said, “shut up,” to the air-- or Ben, rather-- slicing his hand in a silencing sound. 

Raising a hand hesitantly, you gave a flick of your wrist in that direction, squeaking out a small, “Hi Ben.” 

“If you two idiots are done,” Five muttered, but you stopped him as you said, “three idiots. It’s rude to dismiss Ben’s presence. You're his brother, be respectful.” Five ignored you. “The sooner we test this, the sooner we can leave.”  

Oh, now he was speaking your language. 

Shaking out your shoulders, you widened your stance and clapped your hands, saying, “alright, let's go.” Klaus gave some excited little claps as he stepped to your side, telling Five, “field trips are always so much fun!” 

Taking in a deep breath, you let the energy seep out of you until that familiar snap surrounded you, this time entrapping not on you, but Klaus as well. 

The smiling man quickly went silent. 

“So,” you started hesitantly, turning to study his face. “Did it work?” 

Multiple emotions seemed to cross his features, and it revealed to you certain hopelessness and vulnerability that was so unfamiliar to you and what you had known about him. It dawned on you at that moment that you had no idea what this meant. To him. To Five. Christ, nerves started to wrack through your body when you realized they could be having you do this just to try and kill you because they see it as some sort of ridiculous threat. Still, that seemed unlikely. No, they needed it somehow. 

And as Klaus turned towards you, looking at you as if you were some wonderous figure and not just some crappy diner waiter working two jobs just to get by, you realized that whatever they had been searching for, they had found. Whatever Klaus had been searching for, he had found. 

“They’re gone.” 

His voice was just a fraction above a whisper, but it sent a chill across your skin as his intense gaze once again studied you with incredible fascination. But as he took a step forward, his hand oh-so-gently reaching for your hand, your focus went away and the force field fell, all the sounds and senses of the real world hitting you all at once. 

Five was staring at you both with an odd look you didn’t quite know what to think of. 

“Alright."

Clearing your throat, you took a small step back as the fog cleared out of your head, stating back a dull, “huh?” 

“We’ll be at your apartment in the morning. Get ready to meet the others.” 

Wait, what the fuck?

“My apartment? You guys haven’t even explained what you guys want from me!” You blurted, moving your head rapidly as you looked back and forth between the two. 

“I’ll explain everything tomorrow,” was all Five said, as both him and Klaus began moving towards to door, clearly content with what they came here to do. Well, that was nice for them. They could sleep soundly as you sat up in bed all night looking up fucking umbrella academy conspiracy theories to try and convince yourself what happened here was actually real. 

“There’s no way in hell you’re getting those Mickey Mouse pancakes now!” You shot back as he exited the door, huffing as you turned around to go clean up the plate.

Then something smacked hard on the back of your head, landing on the ground with a little rattle. 

“Oopsie.”

Spinning around, gripping the back of your head, you were about to yell obscenities at Klaus who’d just thrown a spoon of all things, but he was already halfway out the door calling behind him, “I thought your little bubble would just appear like a party trick, bye!” 

Idiots. Idiots had just taken over your life. 

[flowerslut]

Ps- ahh imagine big scary jasper who could fuck up ur brain where it could explode and then cute tiny Alice next to him giggling and telling you he won’t actually do that ... yet. They’d be great vampire scary couple. I mean they already are but yeah. Anyway ! Thanks for indulging this (rant?) musing ?? Confusion. Idk.

alice: hey.... do that thing.... ;) jasper: *gives her a migraine* alice: NO NOT THAT THING

if I were better at writing stories where the characters are ~evil~ then my library would be chock full of that shit. but yeah no alice and jasper would’ve made equally interesting “scary” characters. and I put that in quotes bc they’re supposed to be scary since they’re vampires but like. they’re the moral good guys in the story so they aren’t really.

its also funny when you find out how weird the cullens are in the vampire world. bc... like. imagine a species known for being sexy and terrifying and there’s just. this one group of your kind that is just. so fucking lame. they’re like the guys that show up to the metal show wearing vineyard vines. hilarious and out of place. and so, so lame.

I imagine other vampires see jasper and just.... lose their minds. because the cullens are so weird. I feel like he’s just a visual contradiction. normal vampires see the scars and the golden eyes. and they’re like. what? he’s like the head-to-toe tatted guy you know from that sketchy part of town that ghosted all of his friends and suddenly started hanging out in some bougie ass part of town. dressing in salmon pants and light-teal button downs. and combing their hair and wearing boat shoes. 

and you can always send me rants about twilight! whether they make sense or not! as you can see I will entertain them 100%

[fanonorcanon]

Cullen & F!Mage Trevelyan (Peaceful Thedas AU)

“Oh for fuckssakes,” She groaned, getting up slowly. The eluvian had thrown her out at the top of a hill. A hill strewn with bushes, rocks and weeds.

“Are you alright, that was quite a fall,” someone said.

“Oh yes, completely fine,” she spat, dusting off her clothes and the pack that had fallen from her back. “Nothing like rolling down a fucking hill that’s at least ten feet tall with--” she began before she looked up. Oh, Maker. He’s hot. “Sorry,” She finished lamely.

He chuckled and she felt her face grow hot.

“Can we start over? Hello, I’m Tilda, and you are?”

“Cullen, a pleasure to meet you,”

“Why yes, it certainly is,” she smirked, tilting her head. He seemed stunned rather than pleased so she pressed on. “So where am I, Cullen?”

“You don’t know where you are?” He asked.

“Not really, eluvians don’t usually come with instructions.”

“You came through an eluvian? I’ve only heard of those in legends!” He grinned.

“Uh yeah, anyway, where is this?”

“Ferelden.”

“Yes, I figured as much, but where?”

“Oh! Apologies. We’re in Honnleath,” Cullen replied matter-of-factly.

“No, really. Where are we?” She laughed.

“I’m not sure I understand why you think I would lie about that, but we are indeed in Honnleath. Redcliffe is several miles that way.”

“Huh,” She heaved a sigh and began pacing.

“Are you alright, my lady?”

“So let me get this straight. Here, in this Thedas, Honnleath never got invaded by darkspawn?”

“Dark what?”

Her jaw dropped. She'd heard of eluvians taking people to faraway places, but never to a different world. A different timeline maybe? Very strange indeed. “You’re kidding. You’ve got to be. You don’t even have darkspawn? Well shit. I really lucked out. No demons either then?”

“A myth told by the Chantry,” Cullen replied hesitantly.

“Okay.” She nodded.

“Are those common where you’re from?”

“Very. You guys been to war much?”

“What?” Cullen was adorable and completely sheltered by a land that had never known war.

“I’m staying here,” She murmured, mostly to herself. She made the decision without hesitation because fuck that conflict-ridden world. The maker had given her a chance to start over in a land with no big bad hanging over one’s head. “You guys probably don’t even have slavery here, do you?”

“No, not in Ferelden. There are some who aren’t opposed to the idea, but I am. Is that a problem for you, Tilda?” He asked sharply.

“Not at all, you misunderstand, I deplore slavers.”

Cullen smiled brightly, clearly relieved.

“Definitely staying here,” She said, louder this time.

“You’ll probably want to stay with one of my sisters for the time being,” Cullen said firmly. “I’m sure I can send a messenger on to let them know. I don’t think they’d mind.”

“Nah, I’m fine right here. Hopefully you can give me some insight on where and what this place is. Because right now it's a damn paradise compared to the Thedas I knew.”

“If you insist. Just for tonight until I can arrange something more fitting for you,” Cullen agreed reluctantly, leading me towards his house.

“Hey, Cullen I am not fussy at all. I was actually trying to get away from some demons. Nasty things, trust me.”

“If you weren’t opposed to it, I’d love to hear some tales of the way things are there.”

“To someone who’s only known peace, I’m sure they’ll sound very grand but that’s not really what they are,” She replied.

Cullen gestured for her to sit while he fetched cups and a pitcher of water.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

He sat everything down, including slices of hearty bread with butter and jam before sitting down.

“Should have made tea,” he murmured to himself.

She put a hand on his arm. “You don’t have to be so nervous, Cullen.”

“I’m not, at least I don’t think I am. I don’t get much company that I welcome other than my family so I suppose I am feeling a bit out of sorts.”

“So you get a lot of unwelcome company then?” She arched a brow at the blush that stole over his face. “Let me guess, a handsome man like you probably gets lots of proposals?”

“No!” He sputtered.

“So more than a lot?” She pressed.

“Maker’s breath. I don’t think they’re proposals. But they do ask me to meet them at some place in Redcliffe it's either a fountain or statue or something, I'm afraid I don't concern myself with the specifics. I always tell them that I’d rather not make the trip and leave things unattended for so long. There are many older people living in the area, I worry about them you see.”

“Wow,” she giggled. “So you’re turning down loads of people so that you can help the elderly. You’re a real charmer, huh Cullen?” She tried to bite back further laughter as he blushed even harder.

“It just seems like the right thing to do!” Cullen huffed.

“I’m sorry. That’s just so precious.”

They talked well into the evening about his family, her own family and things they like to do when they have the time. Conversation lulled only when their stomachs growled loudly. Cullen chuckled and got up to make dinner.

“Would you like some help?”

“No, you're a guest, please rest. I'm sure you need it after today. Demons, huh?”

“Yeah, demons. Horrible things.”

“What were you doing before you encountered them?”

“There was a war with mages and templars that hadn’t been going well for either side so there was an agreement to meet peacefully to talk. I was marching to the temple of sacred ashes with friends from my former Circle in hopes of making an accord or at least some sort of pact, but I think there was an explosion, some woman urging me on… I can't seem to remember that part. It's not important though; seems more like a nightmare than anything.” She tried to push away the thought of what it would mean to the Thedas she knew that the only way anyone thought there'd be peace had perhaps disappeared in a giant flash of green flame. Mages would certainly be painted the villain. She sighed heavily.

“It sounds important.” Cullen looked worried, his brows furrowed thoughtfully.

“I doubt a simple alchemist like myself would make any difference in the oncoming storm there,” She chuckled humorlessly.

“Maybe it's the romantic in me but I've read many stories where one person makes all the difference. I truly believe that's possible. And you've fought demons before so it seems that you'd do a lot better than someone like me.”

“That's kind that you think so much of me, but more to the point; are you trying to get rid of me already, Cullen?” She feigned deep offense, laying a hand against her chest.

“Of course not! I just don't think I should put my own desire for agreeable company above the fate of the world. Even if it isn't my world.”

“So you find me agreeable? Only agreeable?” She teased.

“Stop that,” he huffed.

“I’m sorry, but you make it very easy to tease you,” she grinned sweetly at him.

He set down a pot of tea then two plates laden with cheese, cured meats, apples and more of the hearty bread from earlier.

“Let's just eat.” He sat across from her, a blush reaching his ears.

Seeing him get flustered over the smallest things was just too much.

“Are there mages and templars here?” She asked around a mouthful of bread.

“Slow down. The food’s not going anywhere, my lady.” Cullen chuckled at her frown.

“They're not very common. I've only met two mages in my life and not a single templar,” he said.

“Do templars rule over mages?”

His brow creased. “No. Why would templars need to rule over mages?”

She began to tell him about demons, harrowings, tranquil and the rite of annulment some mages had been threatened with.

“Templars, where I come from anyway, operate under this guise that they need to protect mages from themselves. In my own experience many templars fancy themselves as jailors to mages, think themselves beyond reproach. Some do really bad things. Tormenting someone who cannot fight back, either because they fear retribution or in the case of tranquil where they’re incapable of standing up for themselves because the spell doesn’t let them is abhorrent. Those templars are rarely reprimanded.”

“But couldn't mages just supervise each other? It hardly seems fair. And no one deserves to be made tranquil,” Cullen huffed.

They sat in companionable silence for some time before she spoke again.

“Can I tell you a secret?” She whispered.

“I'd be honored to keep your secret, my lady.”

“I actually considered becoming tranquil.”

“Why? Why would you give up your free will?” Cullen asked, completely aghast.

“I didn't want to leave myself open to corruption. It was something that had been drilled into me so heavily to the point of paranoia. But one of my instructors convinced me to go forward with my training. That it was okay to be unsure, but to hone your mind like a blade and always be on watch. To be cautious but bold.”

“They sound like a really great person.” Cullen smiled at her.

“Yeah, thanks Cullen.” She sighed happily. “I haven't told anyone that since my instructor all those years ago.”

“If you’re truly intent on staying, we could use an alchemist in the area. As I said there are many elderly people living nearby and the nearest alchemist is in Redcliffe. Having one closer could make all the difference,” Cullen said quietly.

“Is there some place I could stay for longer than a single night? I don’t want to besmirch your honor, ser Cullen,” she said playfully.

“I’d have to ask around.”

“Don’t worry too much. I could find a cave somewhere out there and become a real ‘witch of the wilds’,” she giggled.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, there are bears and wolves aplenty out there.”

“Cullen, I’ve fought demons and darkspawn. I’m sure I can fend off some wildlife.”

“I’d rather you not have to though,” Cullen said softly, his brow creasing once more. He seemed deep in thought before he slapped a hand on his knee. “There’s an old fishing shack near the lake, I could fix it up a bit for you. It’s not far from here.”

“As long as it’s not too much trouble.”

“It should only take a few days. You can stay here in the meantime. I’ll sleep there.” He stood abruptly and began to walk towards the door.

“Surely it can wait until tomorrow. I could help,” she reasoned.

“No time like the present,” he grinned. “I’ll return in a few days, though I might stop in for food every now and then if I can’t find any game.”

“But what about supplies? Nails and things.”

“I can get those tomorrow. I’m mostly going to check the damage and gather lumber.”

Her eyes widened. “You’re really something.”

“Thank you, I think.”

“Please don’t push yourself too hard. I’d rather you not hurt yourself just for…” She couldn’t help trailing off.

“No, I’d really appreciate having an alchemist in the area. This is simply a service to the community!” He chuckled.

“I’d still like to help, Cullen. It’ll be dark soon and it’d be a lot easier to see in the dark with help.” She held out a hand and summoned veilfire to her palm. “Are you sure I can’t convince you?”

“That’s amazing. I-I suppose that would be very helpful.”

She checked her bag for the basics, bedroll, soap and a change of clothes. He packed his own bag with the same, including food and basic cooking supplies.

“And to think you were just going to walk out the door without all this,” she chuckled.

“I was a bit eager, I suppose.”

She nodded and followed him outside and towards the shack, he picked up an axe by the door on their way out. When they arrived she saw no damage, and thought it needed no repairs.

“No, no, it needs some kind of insulation, tar or something between the boards. You can see inside from here. And besides, it’d be much too cold, my lady.”

“There’s a fireplace and a bed. I don’t need much more than that, Cullen.”

“No, this is unacceptable.” He shook his head and frowned.

“You’re very stubborn,” she commented.

“Maybe so, but I will make certain this place is comfortable several days from now.”

They set down their packs and searched for suitable lumber.

“You’re not cutting down a tree right now, are you?” She asked alarmed.

“No, I was just going to mark them with chalk then come back tomorrow with tools and possibly some additional hands for heavy lifting. My sisters are both betrothed to strong men, and will likely need little convincing to help bring an alchemist to the area.” He ran a hand through his hair. It was curling around the edges from the heat.

She built a fire when dusk approached.

“You can head home now. I’ll be fine here for tonight.”

“What, don’t be ridiculous. I’m sleeping here. I’ll walk you back. You deserve comfort after the day you’ve had.”

She shrugged. “I’m quite accustomed to roughing it, Cullen.”

“I’m afraid I must insist, my lady.”

“You’re not going to budge on this, are you?” She frowned at him.

She tried to settle in his bed after watching him go but instead ended up browsing his bookshelves. Hidden behind several books on sword and armor care was a book called ‘Hard in Hightown’ the cover was much different than the copy she'd seen in her own world. She grinned. Who would have thought Cullen would have smut like this? She settled onto the couch and began to read. Before she’d realized she’d gotten to the last chapter.

“My lady? I knocked on the door, but you didn’t answer, are you alright?” Cullen asked as the front door cracked a bit.

“Yes, I’m fine. Come on in.”

“What are you reading?” His smile seemed to rival the sunlight streaming through the door behind him before he shut it.

“Oh, just a little something called ‘Hard in Hightown’.”

He visibly paled.

“It’s quite good, actually. I wasn’t expecting much from a title like that, but it distracted me enough that I didn’t sleep. I must have lost track of time.”

“Maker’s breath,” he sighed. “I apologize, I’ll take that back now. It should be nothing more than kindling.”

“But I’m almost finished! Have a seat.”  

Cullen looked nervous, but sat beside her on the couch.

She feigned intense focus and watched him squirm from the corner of her eye.

“Maybe I should make some tea,” he muttered, going to stand. She set her hand across his restless legs to still them.

After she’d finished the story, including the autographed page at the back, she closed the book and set it down.

“So why does he call you Curly? Is it because of your hair?”

Cullen nodded.

“He’s a writer in my world as well. Mostly of crime novels. Is this what he’s best known for? Erotic romance?” She smirked as Cullen went pink and nodded again. “Okay, I’ve tortured you enough. Let’s eat then get to work. I plan to earn my keep in any way I can. Well, save for how some of the folks in the book earned it,” she giggled. Cullen hid his face in his hands and groaned.

“I’m truly sorry that you saw that, my lady.”

“I’m not. It was a good way to spend an evening.”

“You sure you’re not too tired?”

“Cullen,” she began, exasperated. “I'll be fine.”

“As you will, my lady.”                                     

☙ ☙ ☙

After having a quick breakfast of eggs and smoked meat they headed to the lake.

“I wasn't sure if you wanted me to tell anyone of how you got here,” Cullen said quietly.

“Hm, I suppose it would pose a lot of questions,” she replied.

“I only told them that you're an alchemist and you thought this would be a nice place to settle in. I hope I didn't speak out of turn.”

“Not at all. Thank you, Cullen.”

Once they'd gotten close to the clearing by the lake a blond man was waving enthusiastically and wore a bright smile.

“This is Alistair and this is Thom,” Cullen said.

“Good morning, my lady,” Thom said, looking up from papers he had spread over a stump.

“So Cullen tells us you're the alchemist who fell from the sky,” Alistair chuckled. “He didn't tell us what a beauty you are, though.”

“Yes. He did.” Thom said flatly.

“Should I tell Mia that her betrothed is flirting with other women?” Cullen was flushed all the way to his ears but wore an intense frown.

“I don't mean any of it! She knows I'm only joking, see she's smiling. You're no fun at all, Cullen. He's a real mood killer isn't he Thom?” Alistair said.

Thom hummed thoughtfully.

“How long have you been an alchemist, Tilda?” Alistair asked.

“I started helping my mum when I was small, but I polished my skills in a mage academy.”

“Are you from Tevinter then? I hear that place is crawling with mages these days.”

“I'm not, but the mage academy was in Tevinter, yes.” She was lying through her teeth. She'd never even been to Tevinter! “But I haven't been there for some time. I've mostly been wandering Ferelden.”

“Where are you from, then?”

“Ostwick,” She answered truthfully.

“Shall we get to work then?” Cullen asked. “Thom can you show her your plans?”

Thom nodded.

They'd planned to give the shack siding and shutters for the few windows. True to Cullen’s word, they’d all finished before the week was out. Thom had come back a few days later with a cabinet well suited for alchemy. There were over a dozen small drawers, shelves for empty vials and cabinets beneath it for larger tools like a brew pot and kettle. It was a lovely gesture and she thanked him profusely for his kindness.

Shortly after settling in and stocking up on herbs for common potions and cures she was often visited by Cullen.

“Are you sure you don't need any help, my lady?”

“You could call me Tilda for a change,” she teased him.

“I'm being polite,” Cullen argued.

“As you will then. Do you need something? A love potion perhaps? Now that you don't have to dote on the elderly you should be free to accept invitations from admirers.” She couldn't help smirking at him.

“Maker's breath,” he whispered. “Call me a prude if you will but I don't know if I'm ready for all that. I'm building an archway for my sisters weddings.”

“It's okay to not be interested in romance, Cullen.”

He sank down into a chair at the small table she'd squeezed in for dining on.

“It's not that I'm not interested,” he began hesitantly.

“But?”

“It's just as I've said. I don't think I'm ready. I have so many ideas of what romance should be and I don't want to make a mistake.”

“You can't expect to be perfect at the start. And if you find the right person they'll understand and help you through any inexperience you might have. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship.”

“That seems very wise. Did you leave anyone behind in… that other world?” There was a look in his eye that she'd never seen.

“Most certainly. Left a trail of broken hearts all the way here.”

“You're seeing someone now? I had no idea.”

“I'm joking, Cullen. There's not much room for romance in a circle. Was just a few unpleasant experiences that aren't worth mentioning.”

“Oh.”

“I hear Annabel is pretty sweet on you. Alistair said that she's brought you so many pies that you've begun sharing. I have yet to get one of them.” She feigned offense.

“It seemed wrong. I don't know why. If you like I can bring one.”

She let a silence fall between them.

“I'm sorry, my lady. I wasn't trying to hide it or anything.”

She stood and turned away from him to hide her grin.

“They're not even very good.”

She burst into laughter.

“You're worse than Alistair,” he huffed indignantly.

“Pah, I'm far more charming.”

“I suppose,” Cullen mumbled, a blush coloring his cheeks.

“Mister Rutherford, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were flirting just now!” A woman with curly blond hair stood in the open doorway.

“Mia!” Cullen yelped.

[captain-yeet]

Oh No, He’s Hot - Part 3

Pairing: Felix x Reader

Summary:  Y/N is shaken by the events in the clearing and needs some time to process it all. What better way to do that then go to a bar and drink your emotions under the table?

Warnings: Drinking, angst. Queen of angst here, how do you do?

Masterlist is here

Staring blankly off into space while the others talked, Y/N clutched the blanket around her tighter. Today had gone in a direction that she had not anticipated, and now she didn't know how to process it.

Just those two little sentences were on repeat in your head. "It's true. I feel the mating pull towards her."

The vampire's face was ingrained into your mind. Part of you was fully aware that he was a dangerous individual, perfectly capable of doing some serious damage to you if he chose to. On the other hand, you were... curious. Very curious. He fascinated you.

Felix of the Volturi fascinated you, and it gave you the mother of all headaches.

"Y/N?"

You looked up and met the concerned face of Rosalie, gazing down with worry.

"Do you... want to talk about it?" she offered.

You nodded lamely. Your eyes were red and sore from crying earlier. After the Volturi left, you completely broke down. The adrenaline had reached it's limit, and you crumbled in on yourself. Jasper had to use his powers on you to help you calm down, as your breathing became uncontrollably erratic and heavy due to a panic attack.

"So, you're the mate of the Volturi's top executioner," Rosalie began, shuffling over to you on the couch.

Letting out a heavy sigh, you nodded again. "Apparently," you murmured.

Rosalie studied your face carefully. It pained her to see you so down. "And how does that make you feel?"

Slowly, you turned your head to meet her gaze. Any energy you had was gone. "I...," you began, unsure of how to begin. What do I think? "...Part of me is upset, and yet..."

"You're also a little curious, aren't you?" she finished, a very faint smile gracing her lovely face, not quite meeting her eyes.

Looking down again, you merely nodded. "It's fucked up. This is all messed up, and quite honestly I don't know how to process it."

The two of you sat in silence for a moment. One thing you appreciated when it came to hanging out with Rosalie is that she never prodded or poked you for more info; she let you talk when you were ready.

You got along with the Cullens pretty well, but to everyone's surprise, you developed a sisterly bond with Rosalie very quickly. At first, you'd been warned by Bella that she may not be the most welcoming to you, since that was the case with her. However, it took you both by surprise when the beautiful blonde vampire treated you with kindness and nothing but. Second to Rosalie was Emmett, naturally. He found your powers interesting and "badass", and the two of you would often tease each other lightly.

With a sigh, you removed the blanket from your shoulders. "I think... I want to go out for a while," you told her. "I need to think."

Rosalie put a hand on your back as you shakily rose from the couch. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked.

Again, you just nodded, mustering the energy to give her a small smile. "Yeah, I need some space to mull things over," you replied. "I'm going to change out of these clothes and then head out."

With that, you left the living room and headed upstairs to your own room the Cullens had arranged for you. Since you were staying with them, Esme had turned one of the spare offices into a makeshift bedroom for you. Once you closed the door behind you, you weakly shed your current clothes that were now torn in several places, save for the jeans you had on. Changing into a simple white t shirt and making an effort to tie your H/C hair up into a non-sloppy ponytail, you gave yourself a once-over in the mirror.

Okay, still looking like a piece of shit, but a little more human, you thought to yourself.

Now the question was, where were you going to go?

A bar. Of all the places you picked, you picked a small, cosy bar in town to wallow in your feelings. It's not like you really wanted to walk through a park at 8 pm. To be honest with yourself, you needed a break from nature and trees all together right now.

With a sigh, you sat down at the bar, waving down the bartender.

"Evening, what can I get you?" he asked, wiping an empty glass and quickly looking you over.

"Coke and vodka would be great," you told him, pushing yourself to speak louder than a mumble.

After paying for the drink, you sat and only vaguely registered the bartender making up the drink for you. Your thoughts shifted back to Felix once more, and the spiral of thoughts you had earlier began again.

Again, he did fascinate you, and it wasn't like he wasn't attractive - quite the opposite, in fact.

However, there was more to your concerns than just him being apart of the Volturi. His reactions to you in the clearing left you confused and possibly even a little bit hurt. If he showed any sign of romantic interest in you, he didn't show it. Could be be disappointed that you were his mate? Even more pressing, would you be upset if that were the case?

"Here you go Miss," the bartender's voice breaking you out of your thoughts. "One coke and vodka for the pretty lady."

You felt your lips pull up in what was an attempt at a polite smile. You took a long swig of the rather large glass of alcohol, your face scrunching up when the aftertaste hit.

The bartender's attention was no longer on you now. You were faintly aware of another body coming to sit down at the stool next to you. "Hi, what can I get you tonight, man?"

"Whatever she's having," a deep, smooth voice replied.

You turned your head towards the stranger next to you, and when your eyes met you felt your heart try to escape your rib cage.

There was Felix, sitting next to you, one arm resting on the counter of the bar. He had sunglasses on indoors, and the seven layers of clothes he was wearing back in the clearing were now reduced to just a shirt and long jacket.

A tiny, hysterical laugh bubbled in your chest, just escaping your lips, making the large vampire raise his eyebrows. "You know sunglasses inside went out in the early 2000's right?"

The hint of a smile graced the man's face. "Then by all means, feel free to call me tacky," he replied coolly.

Clutching your drink in your hand like it was your lifeline, you chewed on your lip thinking of what to do. "So..."

"So," Felix repeated, his drink now in front of him. The bartender was now busy with other patrons.

"Let's talk somewhere more private," you blurted out, abruptly standing to your feet.

Without waiting for a response, you strode over to a booth nestled in the corner of the bar, downing more of your drink as if it would give you a boost of liquid courage. Sitting down, you watched warily as the vampire sat across from you. Once he settled in, he removed the glasses he was wearing, giving you a better look at his face.

Jesus Christ he's pretty. Shaking your head slightly to rid yourself of the blatant thirst for the attractive vampire in front of you, you decided to be the first to speak. "Can vampires even drink?" you asked dumbly, genuinely curious.

He replied by taking a drink from his glass. Setting it down on the table, a smirk appeared. "We can, it just doesn't affect us the way it does to you humans."

Your mouth widening into an "O" shape, you nodded lamely.

Felix was watching you with an intensity that made you feel as if someone had shoved you onto a stage and asked you to perform in front of a large crowd with zero skill. He took note of your disheveled appearance; the red puffy eyes, the overall tired demeanor. A pang of sadness showed in his face. "I know this has all been rather... overwhelming," he began, clasping his hands together in front of him. "But if you're willing, I'd like to discuss everything?"

Breathing deeply, you pushed your drink to the side and rested your chin on your fists. "I think I'd like that," you replied, a little uncertain. You did want to talk, that was true. You just felt... unsure overall.

Felix smiled, happy that you were open to talking with him and not pushing him away. "Great, then let's begin."

You didn't waste any time asking the heavy questions. "Am I really your mate?" you deadpanned.

Sitting up a little, Felix nodded. "Yes," he confirmed, his gaze never wavering.

"Okay," you breathed, nodding to yourself. "You mentioned something about a 'pull'. What exactly did you mean?"

He toyed with the glass in his hand as he gave you an answer, "When my kind finds their mate, they feel this 'pull' towards them. If one of them is human, they - meaning the human - doesn't necessarily feel it the same way we do. It's stronger when it's two vampires. But the pull itself is strong, and impossible to ignore."

"And...," you hesitated before asking your next question, feeling your face burn a little, "you feel this pull toward me?"

He nodded, his smile turning a little bit bashful. "Think of it as if you're experiencing tunnel-vision," he explained further. "Imagine seeing someone and then they're all you can focus on, everything around you is void and not important, and all you want to do is go to them."

"Like... a kind of magnetism?" you asked, sitting up a little straighter.

His red eyes had a hint of amusement in them at your comparison. "I suppose you could call it that."

The two of you fell into silence while you thought everything he told you over, the music in the bar playing at a reasonable volume in the background. You reached for your drink again and took a small sip at first before chugging the entire thing down; Felix watched this with a disturbed expression on his face, quite horrified at the display.

You set the now empty glass down with a smirk. "What, you haven't seen someone down the rest of their drink in one go before?" you teased, fighting a cheeky grin from growing on your face.

The vampire shook his head. "I mean - I haven't seen such a beautiful young lady do that before," he replied, the compliment amusing you.

"Oh come on," you scoffed playfully. "It's not the 1400's anymore, and what I did is considered 'tame' compared to what most young ladies and guys alike do nowadays." You finished the sentence with a slight grimace. You weren't exactly a fan of the drinking culture of getting shit-faced drunk and doing keg stands. None the less, you considered yourself a responsible drinker that could handle the stuff.

Felix mirrored your expression, the two of you gazing at each other for a moment before you began laughing a little, him joining you to your surprise. He's not that scary, you noted. In fact he's... actually really easy to talk to. You were enjoying yourself, to your surprise. You were quite content in being in his company.

There was something about just being in each other's presence that made the two of you feel electrified and alive, like there was something in the air around the booth you sat in. Neither of you were aware that this feeling was a mutual one, but for you at least, you wondered if he felt it too.

A thought popped into your head that made your smile disappear. "Wait, what about the rest of your group you came with?" you asked, frowning. "I doubt they'd be happy with you coming here to see me, let alone even attempt to talk to me." Your thoughts travelled back to the menacing look in the small blonde vampire's eyes. Even for someone that looks so young, she was terrifying.

Felix shrugged. "What they don't know won't hurt them," he replied easily.

Your confusion grew even more. "What do they think you're doing, then?"

"I told them that I needed to hunt," Felix explained smoothly, his former smirk returning. "Besides, I just had to meet you; that display in the clearing with your powers was most impressive."

He cheekily winked at you, his smirk only growing when your heart did a double take at his playful flirting.

Stupid vampire hearing.

You looked down shyly, peeking up at him through your lashes. "Well, in that case, I'm glad you managed to sneak around them. I'm honestly really enjoying talking to you," you spoke earnestly.

Your words unknowing to you, made the tall, mountainous cocky vampire melt. His smirk dissolved into a soft, adoring smile. You didn't know what was going through Felix's head, but you liked to think that your feelings in this particular situation were mutual. Heart hammering away in you chest, you asked him one more question. "Will I die eventually?" you gently asked. "The girl you were with made it very clear that I wouldn't be alive for much longer..."

To your surprise, Felix took your hands in his, his eyes fixed on your E/C ones. "Listen to me very closely, Y/N," he began in a serious tone. "While I have no doubt that you're fully capable of taking care of yourself considering you lived through the Newborn attack, and while I don't have any knowledge of my master's plans, no harm will come to you while I'm still standing."

Weakly gripping his hands back, your own feeling very small in his large ones, you shook your head sadly. The familiar sting of tears and the gripping emotions you came here to drink away returning to you. "You're telling me that you'd defy your own coven for me?"

"If it came down to it, yes."

"But I don't underst-"

Shaking his head rapidly, Felix cut you off before you could continue further. "I've waited, many years - hundreds, thousands even - to find my mate." He paused to compose himself, taking an unneeded intake of breath, closing his eyes. "If any harm were to fall on you, it would destroy me. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let anyone hurt you."

The tears were silently falling now. You squeezed your eyes shut, feeling embarrassed for crying in front of Felix and also afraid at what the future held.

"Y/N, please look at me," you heard him plead softly.

When you didn't answer or respond, your body going rigid trying to keep everything bottled in, you felt Felix's hands leave yours. Before you could beat yourself up for getting too emotional and making him withdraw, you felt the seat dip to your side and a cold hand cupping your face. You willed your eyes open and saw Felix sitting next to you.

He wiped away the stream of tears that were making their way down your cheek. "I swear, nothing is going to happen to you."

With that, neither of you spoke further. Felix pulled you into his side, wrapping an arm protectively around your shoulders and pressing a feather light kiss to the top of your head. You practically curled up into his side, welcoming the feeling of security his actions brought you. The two of you stayed like that for a while, neither of you willing to move.

When your breathing calmed down, you slowly sat up and met his concerned, gentle gaze. "Thank you," you whispered.

Felix smiled down at you with what you would almost describe as a loving gaze. "Any time, mia cara."

"So, when do you think we'll see each other next?" you asked as Felix walked with you to the parking lot, hand in hand.

"I'm uncertain," he answered honestly, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.

"Just saying, I think you may just have me completely enarmoured with you," you said dramatically, spinning around giggling while Felix twirled you around, your hair fanning out as you moved. It was safe to say that your mood had improved after the cry session in the bar, all thanks to the giant of a vampire you were walking with.

"Oh, is that so?" he purred, grinning widely at your antics. Your change in mood slightly blind-sided him, but he wasn’t going to complain anytime soon.

You merely shrug. "What can I say Lex, you know how to charm a girl," you stated, your own grin matching his.

"Lex?" he repeated, raising an eyebrow sceptically at the nickname.

"It's either that or Fee-Fee, take your pick," you challenged him, not even remotely ashamed at the nickname you've bestowed on him.

He pursed his lips, rolling his eyes before smiling again. "Lex it is," he conceded grudgingly.

The two of you reached your car. You did come to Forks with your own vehicle of course, so it saved you the trouble of relying on the Cullens for transportation. "So, I guess I'll be heading back," you murmured, shifting your weight slightly. You still held onto Felix's hand, and he kept a grip on you as well.

"Are you sure you're okay to drive?" he asked, "I could drive you at least to the start of the Cullen's driveway."

You gave him a teeny smile. "Thank you, but I'm not sure how that would go down with the Cullens," you confessed. "No doubt by now Alice has seen me hanging out with you."

Felix sighed, disappointed. "You make a good point."

Unwillingly, the two of you let go of each other's hands. You studied his features, memorizing them as much as you could. You didn't know when you'd see each other again, and the uncertainty made your heart sink. Your hand rested on the handle of the drivers side of your car. "We should keep in contact," you suggested, hopefully looking up at him.

Felix nodded in agreement, his hands now in the pockets of his jacket. "Would you like it if I wrote you? I know it's old-fashioned, but..."

You nodded as well, smiling up at him. "That would be great, please do that?"

The two of you just stared at each other a moment longer. Before you got in the car, you reached forward and wrapped your arms around Felix's torso, hugging him tightly. You felt his chest rumble with a deep chuckle as his arms wrapped around you in return, one hand stroking your hair.

"I think I'm going to miss you," you admitted softly, your voice half muffled.

"I'll be missing you too, little one."

You held onto Felix a little longer before pulling away. You gave him one last smile before backing away, crossing your arms, missing his wrapped round you already. You watched as he also backed away, smiling at you one last time before turning around and leaving. The next time you blinked, he was gone.

A heavy feeling weighed down your heart, your smile becoming sad. Shaking your head and sighing, you got into your car, and began the drive back to the Cullen's home.

You left earlier feeling uncertain and overwhelmed by the events of today. Now, you return with a new feeling of uncertainty and some sadness at Felix leaving, but it didn't overshadow the overall feeling of happiness and excitement you felt. You had immense powers, which you were still learning about. And now, you had someone new in your life, and you had a feeling things wouldn't ever be the same again now that you knew for certain that you were the mate of Felix.

And in your heart, you were content with being his.

[ac-ars]

Come on, bite him

as you all may know, i am a ridiculous person and it made me write this

i hope you enjoy it as much as i did

also, proofread? i dont know her

“Could you please explain me why I agreed on this?” Luna pouts a little, fixing the cape he gave her and wondering how ridiculous she has to look right now.

“We need to get my lame best friend out of the house for the party, of course. Have you even listened to me, little Luna?” Now it’s time for Gastón to pout at her. He sighs deeply and opens the door of the car to leave. “You promised me you would help and now you are being like this? Why are you being like this? Do you hate me?”

Luna growls slightly and he smiles. “Perfect. I knew you would be perfect for this role. Now take your pretty butt out of the car and follow me, because we can’t be late.”

She rolls her eyes, but takes the hand Perida offered a second ago. “I hope you won’t leave any green on me. Gastón, I don’t want to be Hulk just like you.”

He closes the door violently and stomps one of his feel. “I am not Hulk. I told you. I am playing…”

“Yeah, yeah,” she interrupts him, “you are playing Frankenstein. I have heard it already like a million times.”

“Apparently not enough.” He pouts more. The fake wrinkle on his forehead gets even deeper. On his green forehead it looks hilarious. “How did I tell you to call me?”

“Ugh, this is ridiculous. Why can’t you just get there and tell him to get dressed, Gastón-” he clears his throat with raised eyebrows. “-stein.” Luna adds, slapping her forehead.

When he called her two days ago, saying that Matteo didn’t want to go to the halloween costume party Luna wasn’t sure why it’s so important to go there. Besides, she had already asked him before and he had always told her that he would be studying, so she gave up. But clearly, Gastón(stein) won’t give up on his second half, on the another star in their binary, on the strawberry to his chocolate and whatever. He won’t give up, no matter what Matteo said he would be doing.

Perida immediately told her what he was gonna do and at first the idea seemed fun, until Luna thought about it more than three seconds. He planned to get in his costume, come to Benson mansion to give Luna makeover of her lifetime and use her as bargaining chip. That’s how she ended up being a vampire tonight. He still believes it’s gonna work, he is sure and Luna doesn’t wanna to take it away from him. After all no one has ever done as great make up as Gastón did plus the red lipstick he chose is perfect and he hasn’t told her what shade it was, probably to keep her with the plan.

“Okay, stop here now.” He rests his hands on her shoulders and she almost shivers. “We need to figure out what now.” “What?” She whispers-yells to him and jumps in the place irritated. “You don’t know what to do? You said you had everything figured!”

Gastón sighs again and messes his hair a little, making it look a little more believable. His suit isn’t really helping, but Luna likes this version of Frankenstein the most of them all. “Because I do, little Luna, but not yet in what order. First of all!” He jumps, excited as hell and searches for something in his backpack. After long two minutes he pulls out of it small black box and Valente rolls her eyes again, not sure if he could’ve done it more dramatically.

“You need to have this. I kept it for the last moment.”

She actually gets excited, hoping it will be some sparkly jewelry or something, but when she opens it she finds only fake vampire fangs. “What the hell, Gastón?”

He looks at her offended, but she can’t care about his silly nickname for tonight. “Put them into your mouth, it feels even funny.” Luna stares at him with wide eyes and he starts shaking his head. “I haven’t tried those, you silly! You are lucky that I love you, because if it were someone else I would. By the way, really keep them. It can help with your real teeth when Ambar decides to punch you.”

She nods quickly, hiding the box to her purse and Gastón giggles so much at her. “What?” she asks. “Nothing, you are just… just… you are so pale, Matteo will think that you are real vampire.” He manages to mumble through his laugh and she wants to kick him. “Ambar won’t punch you. She will probably try to be some hot witch, charming everyone’s wands, if you know what I mean.”

Luna blinks at him, not believing and he shakes his head at her. “Anyway,” she hums a little, “do you know what to do if Matteo doesn’t want to go with us?”

“Of course. This I prepared for. I have pizza flavored Bake Rolls. Who would tell them no? Plus I made sure to not take garlic. You look hot, please smile and conquer the world with me, little moon.”

She nods softly and takes the hand he offered her, leading her towards Matteo’s house. This is gonna be long night.

It’s Gastón who knocks to the door and woman, whom he calls María, looks at them surprised and, saying nothing, invites them inside. Luna’s short, black dress is kinda distracting her since the taffeta of the skirt looks super extra, but she guesses that’s how vampires dress. He stole all silver rings from Ambar and putting it on Valente’s fingers like stupid, saying that if Simón turns out to play a werewolf puppy, he would at least stay away. Luna was truly offended at this comment, but Gastón was just grinning and giggling from time to time saying that this is gonna be fun.

Her heels are making quiet sound, which sounds loud as fuck in the hall of this weird mansion. It still looks warmer than Benson one, and bless the stars for that. She stays too long watching around, because between one blink and the other, Gastón is turned away from her and smiling towards the left.

“Hello Mrs and Mr Balsano. It’s very nice evening, isn’t it?” He grins and pokes Luna who just waves at them.

“Gastón, it’s… really nice to see you now… like this.” Matteo’s mom tries to smile, hiding her surprise.”

Luna clears her throat. “It’s Gastonstein, actually. His stage name or whatever is it.”

Perida looks at her like freshly adopted puppy and she is giving him his own new toy, but that doesn’t really last long. “And who are you? I believe that you are a friend too.” The guy Luna found creepy at first asks, with actually warm voice and she guesses that this way of meeting Matteo’s parents she has never expected.

“Ah, this is Luna.” Gastón shrugs.

“Luna?” Mrs Balsano asks.

“Yes, Luna. You know, the one Matteo kissed on one competition; the one he cried after when you moved to Italy for vacation; the one he dramatically gave up on when you wanted to send him to Oxford…”

“Gastón enough.” All three of them says and Perida looks almost sad, so Luna softly pats his back. She sighs softly, smiling and waving again. “We came here to take Matteo for the party.” She doesn’t get to say anything more, because Gastón speaks again.

“We are here to make a vampire out of your son if you don’t mind.”

“And how are you going to do that?” Matteo’s dad asks, visibly amused and Gastón doesn’t change his serious face even for a second. “Luna is going to bite him, of course. She’s a real vampire after all.”

She slaps her forehead, not sure if those people will ever want over their place, they will probably think she’s crazy. Before more damage is done she just pokes Gastón. “We are in hurry. Come on.”

He nods and takes her hand, looking at Matteo’s parents. “Don’t worry. We won’t make Edward Lame Cullen out of him.”

“Knock, knock!” Gastón yells and opens the door to Matteo’s bedroom without any knocking.

“What the fuck, bro, why the hell are you Frankenstein?” Balsano asks loudly and, from what Luna can hear, because she can’t see, something falls to the ground.

“Ha! See?” Perida turns to the door to see Luna. “He knew it! He loves me more than you.”

“What are you talking to, Gastón?”

“To a vampire.” He answers and Luna snorts. This is too much for her nerves.

“What vampire?” Matteo sighs and she can imagine his face already while Gastón pouts again. He probably took it from her. “Listen, bro. I know you said no, so it’s time for me to take the things in my own hands. We are gonna change you into a vampire.”

“We?” The owner of this room asks and Luna wants to leave, she will stumble on those heels and break her leg or die. Gastón rubbed off on her as well definitely. “Who we?”

“Me and my little vampire here, of course. Come here.” He throws his arm around her shoulders and pulls her inside. Matteo seems to be almost pale when he notices her and she wants to throw up despite not drinking any alcohol yet.

“Luna…” The Italian starts slowly. “You are a vampire?” She sighs and nods, moving her skirt a little and the red cape, and noticing how his eyes stop on her red lips. Luna isn’t sure if she should bless or kick Gastón for that, because the part that isn’t anxious, really likes that.

“She is and you will be vampire too!”

“Why would I?” Matteo leans back on his chair and laces his fingers, watching them intently.

“Because some broom-headed bass player sold me info that Simón is going to be a werewolf and you obvious should be vampire. They are natural opponents or some shit. That’s very dramatic.”

Balsano shakes his head. “I’d say that it’s very Twilight-like. I won’t sparkle.”

“Ew no, Twilight, no. It will be more Vampire Diaries-like.”

Luna jumps into, leaning against the desk and turns to Gastón. “Which brother would Matteo be?”

“Which one you like better?” They both ask at the same time and she chokes. This is getting very interesting with every passing second. She lets them wait for a moment, not really wondering about that.

“He can be Stefan. He looks more like him.” Leaves her mouth and Gastón mumbles small: “and is pure softie like Stefan.” Luna frowns and pokes him on the ribs. “Leave him alone, he’s better than Damon.”

Matteo’s friend raises his hands, giving up. “Whatever you want, it’s your vampire, not mine.” Balsano clears his throat. “I would like to ask now… Just by the way, completely by curiosity. What did you offer Nico for the information?”

Gastón giggles. “I told him that I would pay for his new haircut at my hairdresser.” Luna snorts and he continues. “I also have more informations.”

“How?” She asks and he winks at her. “Ambar is a witch.”

“Well, we’ve known that for months already.” Matteo shrugs and Gastón highfives him. “I meant her costume. I lowkey seduced her goth blonde friend. If I tried with the Benicio Italian guy I’m not sure I would be able to resist so the blondie was it. Anyway, we need to make a vampire out of you here, like you see Luna ended up being perfect vampire to help me with that.”

“And how are you two going to do that?” Matteo asks and his best friend just smirks, clapping his hands. “She will bite you, how else?”

Luna shivered, because it sounds even dumber right now, when Matteo is watching her with something weird in the eyes until Gastón pushes his arm slightly. “I was joking. I mean, I know you would enjoy that, but this time we need to do it normally.”

He starts taking all stuff out of his backpack like makeup and even the costume and the pizza Bake Rolls at the end, leaving them on Matteo’s desk. Said Matteo takes them immediately. “How did you know, bro?”

“I always know what you want, we are soulmates of course. Now, Luna, how do you think, do we need to give him some lipstick or you will share yours with him? Oh, and Matteo, if you are nice tonight maybe she will bite you eventually.”

[alleiradayne]

Poolhall Hustlers

Read it on AO3

For: Cullen Appreciation Week Day 6 - Alternate Universe and Crossover Rating: SFW (language) Word Count: 2,387

Hunters in the Supernatural Universe, Amallia and Cullen Rutherford try to hustle a guy at pool for some cash and a hot meal. But Cullen doesn't recognize her mark until it's nearly too late.

Author’s Note: I took the prompt to this day far too literal. There may not be any Krogan, but there’s definitely hunters.

“Find a mark yet?” Cullen asked as he took a seat on a stool beside his partner.

A coy smirk crooked Amallia’s lips as she spoke. “Pool table, six o’clock. Looks like he’s been running the table for a few hours.”

With a casual turn, Cullen glanced over his shoulder. New patrons crowded the bar, surrounding them in a bid to reach the server, forcing him to lean. The single pool table sat beneath an overhead light, one bulb burnt out, and the other too dim by half. Ragged resin pool balls littered the table, a fresh match starting. And then he spotted Amallia’s mark; attractive, with light brown hair and a cocky smile, Cullen guessed the man to be in his late 30s. Behind him at the high top sat another man, darker brown hair worn long and his face buried in his laptop screen.

After his opponent missed his shot, the target took up a stance behind the cue ball, sinking the next three shots, and Cullen questioned his wife’s sanity.

“He’s good,” Cullen started, watching the other man bank a particularly clever shot. “Really good.”

“Yeah, but I’m better,” Amallia replied with a wink over her glass of whiskey as she hopped from her bar stool and sauntered over to the rack of cues, examining them with a trained eye.

All three men at the pool table cast long gazes after her, the target pausing at his next shot too long. A sharp shake of his head failed to refocus him, and he struck the cue ball too sharp, sending it sailing down the table to smack into a solid that missed the corner pocket by a mile. The man behind him at the high top scoffed with a roll of his eyes, at which the target shrugged with a sly smile.

Shit. She was better. He owed her, later, after she lined their pockets with cash for the next month and packed their stomachs full of a meal more nutritious than gas station snacks. She might even work an extra week or two out of the poor fool.

The younger man at the computer waved the target over as Amallia selected a cue and approached the table. She spoke to the opponent first, offering her roll of twenties and placed it on the overhead light to keep her spot in line. The man shrugged, indifferent to the next challenger as he lined up his shot.

When the target returned, Cullen stood and repositioned himself at the bar to watch without suspicion. At the end of the bar, he sat as the target greeted Amallia with his best smile, a firm handshake, and a hug she returned with eager warmth.  Words exchanged between them, and with a gesture to the man sitting at the high top, he introduced her. The other man waved, half-hearted and smile short, enraptured by the content of his laptop. Her target offered her a seat, and she took it with a quick smile and a sweet thank you as he returned to the current match.

At the table, Amallia picked up casual conversation, and the man with the long brown hair diverted his attention without hesitation. From his seat, smiling and laughing with her, and Cullen read a few words here and there, “brother” among them. The fine hairs on his arms stood on end, rising with the subtle discomfort of warning, of something dangerously close to wrong. That nagging, gnawing worry at the base of his skull creeped ever higher, tingling through his scalp and numbing his fingers.

When the match ended, the target clapped his challenger on the back with another cocky grin as he handed him a large roll of twenties. Stomping away, he slammed the cue home on the rack, snatched his leather jacket from a stool, and marched through the front door. Back at the pool table, the two men were chatting with Amallia, the target leaning on his cue as he stood next to whom Cullen assumed was his brother.

Brother.

Shit.

Amallia wasted no time starting her hustle. A nominal shooter, Amallia backed up decent talk. But her ability to flirt with anybody drew in the suckers, leaving them scratching their heads when she walked away with their night’s bankroll. Playful shoves at the target’s shoulder contrasted with her lilting laughter heard above the din of the dingy tavern, and his toothy smile mirrored hers. Engaged so, Cullen lacked the opportunity to interrupt, to signal for an abort-mission before she regretted that night, regretted hustling and taking money from fellow hunters, and not just any hunters, but the god damn fucking Winchesters.

Son of a bitch.

Dean shuffled closer to Amallia, a hand slipping to the small of her back as they continued to chat, and Cullen caught Amallia’s favorite phrase to hustle.

“You wanna get out of here?”

God, how lazy? Did Dean Winchester think he’d take home any woman with a lame pickup line? Even if he did, how had he judged Amallia so wrong? Ever sweet, Amallia smiled her sparkling smile and smoothed a hand over his shoulder. With a few suggestive looks, a bite of her bottom lip, and words drenched in honey, she convinced Dean to play her in a round of pool.

Time ran thin, speeding out of his control as he watched Dean setting the rack. And then he offered the break to Amallia, who thanked him with a scrunch of her nose and an adorable hitch of her shoulder. To the end of the table she stalked, placing her shot left of center with the cue ball. Blue chalk wafted from the tip of her cue, and then Dean committed his first mistake.

He turned his back on her.

The crack of the stick on the white cue ball settled a hush over the bar, stories stopping short and heads turning. The thunderous crash of resin on resin followed in the blink of an eye, sending the billiards racing across the table. Two pocketed, a stripe and a solid, leaving her to choose on her next shot.

Behind Amallia, Sam appraised his brother’s gaping face with wide eyes, pursed lips, and a shake of his head. How often did this sort of thing happen?

Out of time, he needed to act now. If he let them go on too long, he might not find the chance to interrupt. As Amallia surveyed the field from the near side of the table, he slipped from his stool and approached her with a casual saunter.

“Mal, I have to tell you something,” he muttered under his breath.

Her spine stiffened, straight as a rail at the sound of his voice, but she retained her study of the pool table, chalking the tip of her cue again.

“I’m. Busy,” she spat through gritted teeth as she leaned over the table to take the next shot.

Dean’s glare found his as Cullen chanced a nervous glance his way, regret sinking in his stomach. With a twitching smile and a quick wave, he hoped to fend him off for another second. “Do you know who you’re hustling?”

The cue spun away as Amallia banked a solid into the corner pocket in front of her. “Yeah, the guy right there. I pointed him out to you already,” she hissed through a sultry smile and a rub of his arm. “I just need an hour.”

Dean read their act in a hot second, rounding the table in a rush like a bull ready to charge.

“Seriously, Mal, look at them!” Cullen insisted as he shifted closer to her.

“Do you know him? Is he bothering you?” Dean demanded.

“No, I don’t, but he’s not bothering me,” Amallia declared, her fierce blue eyes locked on Cullen’s.

“What’s the deal, pal?” Dean asked. “Can’t you see the lady’s busy?”

God dammit. “I was just asking here where she learned to shoot. I thought I recognized her from the local pool hall,” he excused. “I was wrong, but I still thought maybe I could learn a thing or two if I watched your match. I was just asking if I could watch.”

Dean eyed them both, shifting between himself and Amallia, who did her best to appear annoyed with the interruption. “It’s up to you, sweetheart. Doesn’t bother me none if he watches. Just wanted to make sure he wasn’t creepin’ on you.”

Wrong move, buddy.

Amallia’s darkened scowl echoed a memory long forgotten, over a decade old. Cullen once received that dour glare when he, too, had behaved liked Dean.

“Hey!” she barked as she stepped toe to toe with Dean, her back straight and shoulders square. “Don’t you ever assume I need your help. Ever. Got it?”

And where Cullen took that warning to heart all those years ago, Dean might as well have ignored her. Smarm thicker than honey dripped from his charming smile as he said, “No problem, darlin’, I know you can take care of yourself.”

Then Dean Winchester committed his second and final mistake of the night. Amallia didn’t believe in three strikes. And when Dean pressed his hand to the small of her back, squeezing their bodies flush, she marked strike two.

In a flurry of limbs, the pool cue crashed to the floor, and Amallia pinned Dean to the table. With his arm wrenched behind his back and wrist torqued in a painful submission hold, he froze, unable to move.

Sam flew from his barstool and shouted, but skidded to halt when Cullen leapt between him and the table. Jesus Christ, what a cluster fuck. Diffusing the tension required tact, but Cullen’s head spun with such confusion, not a single explanation breached the fog. And no excuse sufficed, nothing short of the truth at least, and so, he tossed his chances to fate.

“Mal, it’s the fucking Winchesters!”

Time froze. Frozen, Sam remained by the pool table, stunned by Cullen’s shout. Both looked to Amallia to find her fury fading, replaced by apoplectic shock as she too stood still as stone, seized by the revelation.

“I kinda like my arm not being broken, sweetheart,” Dean muttered from the pool table.

She snatched her hands back, shaking fingers covering her mouth as Dean stood and righted his shirt. Picking up the pool cue, he handed it back to Amallia, but she made no move to take it from him.

“You want to finish your hustle or what? ‘Cause, I can tell you, you’re gonna kick my ass, I’m terrible at pool,” Dean insisted.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she asked, one hand running through her hair and the other finding her hip. “How’d you know I was hustling you?”

Dean regarded Cullen and Sam before explaining. “Something seemed weird when he showed up,” he started with a thumb jabbing at Cullen. “I figured then you were in it together. But I didn’t think you recognized us.”

When Amallia still refused to take the cue, Dean set it on the pool table and smiled. “Look, no hard feelings, okay?” he said as he held out his hand. “We’ll start over. I’m Dean, this is my brother Sam.”

A slow, tentative hand reached for his, but grasp it she did, firm and steady. “Amallia Rutherford.”

Released, Dean turned to him, his hand waiting for his and an easy smile on his face. Heart racing and mind yet clouded in confusion, Cullen glanced to Sam before taking Dean’s hand. “Cullen Rutherford.”

Confused glares passed between the two men before Dean asked, “You’re married?”

Digging in his pocket, Cullen withdrew their rings, holding hers out for Amallia to take. Passed Dean she stepped, grabbing her band from his outstretched hand and then made for her jacket.

“Ten years this October,” Cullen stated, pride welling in his chest. “She always has my six. Best hunter I’ve ever met. Well… until now.”

Sam shook his head. “She had us fooled until you showed up. I wouldn’t mind someone like that behind me,” he jested as he gave his brother a pat on the back.

“Except I always go in first,” Dean stated.

“Sure,” Cullen shot back with his own cocky grin. “I believe you.”

Sam chuckled as he grabbed up his coat and laptop. “Let’s get out of here, there’s a diner down the street, we’ll get you dinner.”

Cullen stuttered an excuse, awkward and fumbling his words. “No, we wouldn’t want to impose—”

The taller man clapped a hand to his shoulder and Cullen startled. “It’s nothing. Hunters gotta look out for each other. You wouldn’t be imposing.”

He looked to Amallia then, his wife, his partner in this crazy, insane, fucked up world that didn’t even know people like them existed. And for the first time in ages, they were amongst family. He smiled at that, marveling at the coincidence; of all the hunters to cross their path, they happened upon Sam and Dean Winchester

In a blur of purple hair, Amallia leaped to Dean, her arms wrapping behind his neck as she laughed, giddy with excitement. When he returned her hug, Cullen cleared his throat.

“Just remember what she can do to your arm.”

“Stop it, Cullen,” Amallia chided before Dean could respond. “It’s not like he was groping me,” she added as she parted from him.

Sam laughed again as he threw on his coat and headed for the door, Amallia on his heels. “I’m starving and we’ve got a long night ahead of us, so let’s get going.”

Cullen followed, grabbing his coat at the door and shrugging it over his shoulders. Through the door they passed, crisp fall air filling his lungs and clearing his head. Across the lot, Sam and Dean lead them to a black Chevy Impala, a ’67 he guessed, in pristine condition. There, Sam took the passenger seat in front, and Amallia climbed in behind him.

“We’ll bring you back to your car later,” Dean started as he hopped in the driver’s seat. “You’re gonna love this diner, they have amazing pie.”

Cullen hummed his indifference as he took the remaining spot behind Dean. “I dunno, I’ve always been more of a cake guy myself,” he stated.

Dean said nothing for fifteen whole minutes, for Sam Winchester cackled the entire drive to the diner.