#yeahhhh I didn’t think it could get any worse either

[itsticklishme23]

soft morning feetsies deserve soft morning kissies ☀️💋

[obligitory-fma-blog]

I watched the final Netflix adaptation of FMAB. Here’s some of my notes

- “Y’know, I don’t think he has any need for his dad.” Hoenhiem. Uhm you left him he kinda did for a while so idk why you’re being bitter now

- YOOOOO SIG AND IZUMIIIIII

- RAHHHH I LOVE THEM

- Okay the fighting is better this time, less choppy

- Izumi’s actress is ON POINT I LOVE HER

- “I was never much of a proper parent to either of those boys” Ya don’t say. (I’m not a Hoenhiem hater, but I am a Hoenhiem critic.)

- “Maybe you should’ve told them goodbye and talked to them before leaving. Maybe then their grief wouldn’t have taken over.” SAY IT IZUMI

- “I reorganized your insides lol” Hoenhiem you could tell Izumi before you did that?? Creepy man.

- Still didn’t use the music from the original :(

- Okay Ed should be covered in blood after falling into it but he isn’t, just his head bandage. Wtf is up with that??

- GIRLIE I CANT WITH ENVY RN WTF

- WTF IS THE CGI OF THE HUMANS ON HIS MANE (?)

- EW IT GOT WORSE

- Okay how tf did envy knock them onto a stone platform that was LITERALLY NOWHERE TO BE SEEN UNTIL NOW

- Mustang and Riza my beloveddddd

- The actor for General Hakuro is pretty good tho, very weird, but good

- Girlie you walked into some weird shit

- Mustang girlie I luv you so much tho hope you slay this movie

- Oh hi Father

- “Daddy…?” -al “DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR-“ -father

- Also highkey the actor for Envy is really good too

- “How do you know Hoenhiem?” “Technically he’s our father” TECHNICALLY HAHA

- Ed is like “touchy no no, no touchy”

- Girlie you are a creep HANDS OFF THE LITTLE GUY

- Ed’s just like >:/ wtf get off

- WHY ARE YOU PETTING HIM???????

- I feel violated just watching this

- YEAH LING SAVE HIM

- YOOOO WERE GONNA SEE GREEDLING :D

- Ew that’s fuckin goopy (philosophers stone)

- It looks like melted jello ewwww

- Okay idk if seeing greedling is worth it for this shit

- Why is his mind blue???

- Wait did we see greed lose his body in the first one or….

- I don’t think we did???

- Uhhhh idk and I don’t wanna go check because the first one is bad

- Lowkey he’s fine as hell tho

- Mustang looks so damn done lmao

- HE’S SITTINF LIKE THE SHINJI MEME WAIT

- LMAOOO THATS SO GOOD

- okay okay it’s time for me to get my Mustang being a dad moment don’t fail me now movie

- Stfu Bradley no one cares

- WTF WHERES MY MOMENT HELLO

- ARE WE NOT GONNA GET THE 520 CENZ PROMISE??

- I HATE THIS

- Okay Ed, Sig, and Izumi get to interact now :D

- Okay so now we’re getting the scar brother research moment? Outside of Briggs? Cool? I guess?

- Oh hi greedling

- Okay so apparently father killed greed cause he disobeyed him but that’s all we get for that.

- Also this story set up just doesn’t and will never work as well as the first one, so much stuff is intertwined in different events and mixing it all up like this just makes it so confusing and that’s part of the reason why this just doesn’t work

- But I’ll ignore it for the sake of things

- OLIVIER :D

- Mustang and Riza checking in on their kids :D

- I’m so normal about found family

- 5 minutes in Briggs and Ed is already in trouble. In character stuff

- Also we gonna talk about his automail or we just gonna skip over that for plot reasons

- OLIVIER I LOVE YOUUUUUU

- WOMEN ARE HOT

- am I bi

- YESSS ICE QUEEN ICE QUEEN

- “How’s Alex?” “He’s good!” “…shame.”

- Okay sloth looks less weird than I imagine

- OLIVIER WITH THE BOMB :D

- Love her what a Queen

- Still wish they used the original soundtrack I will forever be mad about that

- SLAYYY OLIVIER YASSSSSS

- please marry me

- YEAHHHHHH

- Okay Ed just kicked sloth off of briggs? Girlie even with automail I doubt he could kick him that easy

- So Olivier doesn’t suspect Ed of anything? Out of character, #notmyicequeen

- Also turns out Hakuro and Raven are both the same person in this version??

- Oh Hi Winry

- “If I step out of line, they’ll do something to you.” Awww baby protect your gf

- YEAHHHH OLIVIER AGAIN :D

- “I won’t let anyone do whatever they want in here!” SAY IT GIRLIE YEAHHH

- please I’m begging you marry me

- on my KNEES

- They could not have casted her better

- Bb girl it’s so hard to understand you when you’re so fine I can’t focus

- Okay now Drachama is attacking Briggs

- When Sloth goes back in the hole Raven/Hakuro looks like a grandpa when he’s told he can leave the nursing home for the day to play golf and if that isn’t a summary of the entire us government idk what is

- AWWW WINRY HAS A CHARM ON HER BAG THAT LOOKS LIKE DEN :D

- Sorry Olivier, but it’s so hard to focus on this serious scene with your luscious lips and beautiful face

- She would murder me for saying this all but IDC IF TJAYS HOW I GO THATS HOW I GO

- Alphonse!! :D

- Hoenhiem is like “hUH???”

- He didn’t know about Al’s body????

- Okay bestie :/

- Father of the year fr

- Can’t even keep up with the fact that his son doesn’t have a body smh

- Okay Xerxes time

- ED IS THE SAME ACTOR FOR YOUNG HOENHIEM???

- Okay I get why

- BUT OKAY THEN IG

- Okay cool Xerxes sequence

- “Everybody is dead” lol cringe get good

- Sorry I have the humor of a middle schooler

- Oh hi Greedling

- Am I bi cause THIS MAN

- Okay now it’s Al!Pride time just out of nowhere for no reason?

- “So you’re gonna try and beat me then?” -Pride

- “… nah you’re freaky lol” -Hoenhiem

- Hi again Al

- “Don’t insult my son bitch” okay we love that

- “Okay, let’s all go beat the dwarf in the flask :D” -Hoenhiem

- “NO ONE FUCKING ASKED UGH” -Ed

- MUSTANGGG LOOKIN SPIFFY

- Still mad we don’t get the 520 cenz promise

- AHHHH BLACK HYATE

- LUV HIM

- Also seeing Mustangs team all together is so slay :D

- “Don’t die while we overthrow the government y’all.” -Mustang

- Oh great bad cgi soldier things

- YEAHHH MUSTANG SAVE YOUR SON!!

- Okay good Envy and Mustang will fight :)

- Now it’s time for CRAZY MUSTANG :D

- BURN THE BITCH BURN HIM

- ED LOOKS SO SAD AND CONCERNED :(

- YEAH RIZA STOP HIM STOP HIM

- YEAH ED STOP HIM

- “GIVE IT TO ME FULLMETAL NOW! OR ILL BURN OFF YOUR LEFT ARM!” ANGST ANGST ANGST

- “JUST TRY IT! GO AHEAD! ILL THROW DOWN WITH YOU NOW!” YEAHHHH SAVE YOUR DAD!!

- “YOU PLAN ON STANDING AT THE TOP OF THIS COUNTRY LIKE THAT?!” CRYINF SCREAMINF RAHHHHH

- “YOU KNOW THIS ISNT WHAT YOU WERE STRIVING FOR” PARENTAL!ROY AND ED PEOPLE WE ARE GETTING FED TONIGHT

- YEAH RIZA AND SCAR STOP HIM :D

- The way Ed got ready to fight when Mustang looked like he was going to snap at him I :,)

- “I am a giant fool forcing you all to act this way.” HUG YOUR WIFE AND SON

- “Lieutenant, please lower your gun. I’m so sorry” GONNA CRY NOW

- I still wish we got the 520 cenz promise and I will never not be bitter about that

- I don’t care that it’s not the point of this IM STILL MAD

- OOP BYE ED

- AWWW MUSTANG CALLING FOR ED BEFORE HE GOES :,) WERE GETTING FED GUYSSSS

- Okay I don’t like the fight between Bradley and Fu as much this looks more like stage fighting :/

- That’s the only one so far I didn’t like tho so….

- How tf is Riza gonna survive tho the weird doctor guy isn’t here

- DONT LOOK DIRECTLY AT AN ECLIPSE GUYS WHAT???

- Also those do not go that fast either

- I got to see one and it was really slow but fun ig

- Idk I was like 13 so

- Anyways

- YEAHHH ED HELP YOUR DAD!!!!

- Okay I wish they added colored contacts for this or smth so it’d be similar to the series and make more sense but eh… who knows

- ED YOU GOTTA KEEP HELPING HIM HE CANT SEEEEE

- or get revenge that works too

- Okay cgi for the absorbing god scene is cool

- Alright who’s ready to fight god?

- Am I hallucinating or is the actor for Al also the actor for god!father/Dwarf???

- IM NOT THATS HIM

- OKAY IG

- All the actors for this are really good actually. I can tell they have passion for this. I appreciate that.

- Okay it’s time for Ed to almost die for the 5000th time

- YEAH MUSTANG FUCK HUM UP

- YEAH EVERYONE!!!

- POWER OF FRIENDSHIP YIPPIE

- Also someone get Ed. Or don’t

- Nah cause the creepy guys gonna get him now

- AL

- THIS SCENE WILL NEVER NOT BE SAD TO ME

- DONT TOUCH THE CHILD WEIRDO

- It’s funny cause when I got into this I was younger than Ed and now I’m older than him. Fixation really be lasting a while. It’s the neurodivergence isn’t it.

- YEAHHH NOW WE GET HIM BACK TO HIS BODY :D

- I can’t even tell if it’s good because the series is good or if this is actually a good movie

- Oh hi greed I forgot about you lowkey

- But you’re hot so hiiiiiii <3

- “YOU DARE DISOBEY YOUR FATHER?!”

- “ITS A LATE-STAGE REBELLIOUS PHASE IM GOING THROUGH!”

- Iconic.

- And get punched idiot

- OKAY TIME TO BRING BACK AL

- YEAHHH HOENHIEM TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

- “Let me at least do something fatherly in the end” AHHHHH

- “STOP BEING A DUMBASS DAD” AWWW ED

- “You finally called me dad 🥹” I CANT VISIBLY REACT I DONT WANNA DISTURB MY ROOMMATES BUT AHWHWIWJEVRI

- “I was always a human to begin with. All is one, one is all. Even if I can’t use alchemy, I have great people in my life. My precious friends and family.” STILL THE BEST QUOTE FOREVER

- YEAHHHH RIZA AND MUSTANG WILL FIND A WAY TO GET HIS EYESIGHT BACK

- AWWW WE GET A TRISHA AND HOENHIEM SCENE

- YEAHHH THE BROS COME BAVKKKDHIHZHW

- AND WE SEE HUMAN AL WITH SHORT HAIR

- AWWWWWIEHJEIEHWHWH

- IM NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS EVER

Conclusion: yep. This got me in the heart, even if it isn’t the show itself. Still stuff that bothered me. But overall, this series of movies is not so bad. Not so great, at times, but not so bad. Honestly, I think they did the best they could and that’s really all I could ask for. And it was nice seeing them all in live action. For this movie, an 8/10. For the series of movies? 6.5/10. Not remotely comparable to the original series, but still a worthwhile watch and something I’d recommend if you want a recap of the series but don’t have time to watch it all again.

Let me know if you all want notes on the first one! I watched it a long time ago but I’ll do it again for y’all. Much love guys <3

[what-if-nct]

nah my friend is ridiculous 😭

so he just got his jonghyun she is album and he has been looking through the picture book when he got excited over one page in which he took a picture of it and written something like “free foot pic! thanks jonghyun!”

what is his obsession with his feet he wouldn’t even stop talking about the picture of him wearing socks and kicking the air- 😭😭😭😭

jeez and he be talking about how it made him nut and shit like omg i don’t care about his feet what’s so sexy about something you walk on the floor with? is that the sexy part? him stepping on your head with socks on? what’s so hot about that?

but yeah- i don’t have a feet fetish but i do like his hands 🥺

omg the fact that he could use them to- 🫳🏻🍑

*starts screaming* nahhhh all the things i would do to meet him i would kill or give a lap dance just to carry him like he’s princess peach

nvm i don’t think i could carry him, but he can jejeekwkwkwj

he could probably carry me like a baby since i’m not too heavy… but i’d want him to grind on me-

oops sorry pg-13- uh- rainbows and flowers 🌈🌸🌺💐🌷🌹🌼🌻☀️✨

anywho, supreme is too expensive lol and my tatas are big ;(

i’m like idk what size i am i haven’t worn a bra in 6 years- maybe like 28 c of d cup ig it looks big so maybe even dd? (i don’t know my size so-) also, they’re perky too like them pr0nstars which makes it even worse-

i hate my tatas i wish i could donate them to amber or anyone i hate them i would even give them to my little sister like a hand me down so she can have boobs and i can be flat or at least small enough that i don’t have to literally kill myself to make sure i look flat enough when i bind. puberty sucks i wish i never had to go through mean changes and i could look like jonghyun ;(

i’m scared that it may go to my hips and people will see me as a woman i hate it so much i don’t know if the best thing to do is to go to a gender clinic to prevent it from happening but i would try but the uk is shit and is transphobic 😭😭

i literally look like every female character a man written with big boobs tiny waist and big butt (but i barely have hips so… yay…?) istg if i look like miss bellum from the ppg when i turn 25 then imma ☠️

nah my sis doesn’t know what she’s gonna miss like yooo- she could technically go shirtless and get away with it like omg that must feel amazing to be that flat and NO HIPS OR ASS you can live your life not worrying about getting catcalled whilst i get catcalled sometimes or creppy guys touch me like omg i never knew this was a thing in the uk 😭

also thank youuuuuuu i’m gonna shut up now but i love speaking in case you didn’t know hahahahah

mwah byeeeeeeee 😭😭😭

No, no it's fine. I like to talk too. I swear I send my friends like 25 voice memos cause I go on tangents. Then like 5 paragraphs right after the voice messages. Talk as much as you want. Yeahhhh feet fetishes do not make any real sense to me either. Also the fact it's so so so common. Like is this a dormant Victorian era sensibility that gets triggered in some people who see feet and ankles as scandalous and arousing. Also maybe you can find a Calvin Klein sports bra, it's what the supreme one is copying anyway. I got a Calvin Klein sports bra from TJ Maxx\TK Maxx a while ago for like 12 dollars. But new it's like 29 dollars. Aww, I understand, puberty can really suck and being in a body you feel disconnected from while being harassed by creepy guys just makes it harder. I really hope that you'd be able to get where you want to be in your body and you feel like you're suppose to. I'm sure you're still really young and there's so many options. And ugh those creepy guys are literally the worst. Honestly should be locked away. They have no right to touch you. Even though I like my body having a hyper feminine body does make you want to just hideaway. Plus I dress hyper feminine cause it makes me happy, Also I only care about the random women who call me cute. But I once wore like this bodycon mini dress to Home Depot. I know I know but that's like my grocery store dress it's comfy even thought it's short and tight. And I was going to the grocery store after. And like there was an employee who was following me around. Kinda looked like the lead sing of A day to remember. He even followed me into the parking lot where he tried to ask me if I saw some lady in a hat or something like that. I said no and he stayed like right by me while I waited for my aunt to pick me up. Men are creeps. Like if you want to say something say it the first time you see me don't follow me around like weirdo.

[inkdemonapologist]

SESSION TWELVE of the BatIM Call of Cthulhu game, aka Continuing to have a Great Time At The Masquerade! : )

Joey and Bendy destabilised early on, meaning Joey went through the ENTIRE masquerade UNABLE TO STOP SMILING

getting some mixed messages here, Joey

Sometimes u dress ur characters up as rabbits for fun but then you have a lot of emotions about them losing their minds and then u gotta draw them losing their minds while dressed as rabbits... anyway Jack being mind-controlled did NOT help Sammy hold onto his mental stability at this nightmare party in case you were wondering,

ANYWAY HAVE, MORE OUT-OF-CONTEXT QUOTES, UNDER THE CUT

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[GM] Joey, make a POW roll also... [Joey] Oh, boy, [GM] ...because Bendy was also told to enjoy this party, and you guys just passed a plate of food, and he wants to eat! [Jack] FEED YOUR SON! [Joey] No!!! [Henry] HES A HUNGRY BOY! [Sammy] A GROWING BOY!

[Henry] Henry will look back to see if Moonlight is trying to follow them! [GM] He will see that Moonlight has grabbed onto the railing of the stairs and is hobbling slowly down them. [Joey] *extremely evil-sounding cackling*

[Jack] All Cthulhu Official Dice actually come weighted, to make you fail.

[Henry] Gotta try harder than that, bitch! [Henry] ....that wasn't in character. [Jack] It's in character, but he's only thinking it. [Sammy] That's the golden text you see on the wall if you use the seeing tool

[Henry] My Luck is 68, I don't know what y'all are doing! [Jack] We're spending Luck so that we'll fail! [Sammy] BEING UNLUCKY! I've barely spent any Luck, I'm just NOT A LUCKY GUY

[Henry] Oh, Avedon's here, [GM] There's a gunshot, and he tries to shoot Fowler! [Joey] Um, well, uh, whoops!, rest in peace Fowler! [Sammy] Yeah, that'll sort itself out, let's go! [GM] Moonlight seems to reconsider from telling people to grab you guys, to grabbing Avedon instead. [Joey] Oh! THANKS AVEDON, your sacrifice will, not be thought about in the slightest!!!

[Sammy] Is... weird question, does this room look like it matches the architecture of the rest of the house? [GM] [GM] [GM] ...make a sanity check.

[Sammy] It would be a like, Come on Jack, do you know where you are, shake it off, snap out of it, kind of thing. [GM] Why don't you make a... a.... oh boy, [Sammy] One of my REALLY persuasive social skills?

[GM] This probably just registers to Jack as, Sammy griping about a party, which isn't that strange. [Jack] Yeahhhh, he wants to leave. He always does that. I wanna stay at least a little longer! [GM] That just means it's Jack's job to find them something fun and good to do. [Sammy] Oh boy, [GM] I don't think Jack is being compelled to be aggressive about this necessarily, he just feels like he's Jack at a party, doing the things Jack normally does, and trying to have a good time! [Sammy] Ah, and everyone else is being weird, [GM] Yeah! Everybody's being really weird! You're at this nice party, and now you're in this weird room? The party's back there somewhere! [Jack] I mean not that he's opposed to bein' dragged into side rooms at parties by cute boys, but,

[GM] The table looks like a table that Henry has in his house, actually. [Sammy] Have I ever been in Henry's house? These are questions I didn't expect to need to ask tonight.

[Sammy] Jack, this is weird! You see this is weird, right?! [Jack] Well yeah, it is kinda weird that we're in-- what are we doing here? [Joey] Joey is going to grab Jack's arm, and point to the next door, and go "Party is this way!"

[GM] Peter looks worried... [Sammy] Sammy looks worried too! Well, Sammy looks angry, but in a worried way.

[Joey] Joey is going to scream frustratedly. [Sammy] Is there ink in this room? [GM] There is not. [Jack] Is there a party in this room? [GM] Definitely no, only the party you bring with you.

[Joey] Joey is going to scream again. [Joey] He's also going to kick the door. He might stub his toe. [Sammy] Through all this, Joey is smiling. I just need us all to remember that. [Joey] YES. Also his tail is furiously going. [GM] Bendy is also upset! There is nothing to eat here.

[Joey] Joey is going to try to feed Bendy some ideas, [GM] He doesn't want ideas, he wants food!

[Joey] So.... what happens if you fumble a sanity roll?

[GM] See, here's the silly part. At this point, right? At this point, the best place to do the tasks you want to do, involve either getting the stone out of the room with the safe, or having the staff that Henry is currently holding. [Sammy] So you would arrive, by completely different means, to the same place that we are! [GM] Clearly Joey is inside the safe.

[Jack] Bad and naughty Joey Drews get put in the safe to atone for their sins!

[Henry] Henry is going to channel his inner Joey Drew and round the corner and say "No, sorry about him, we're just here on inspection, we need to check the safe." [Henry] Which is probably a Fast Talk, which I hope it isn't, because my Fast Talk is a 5. [GM] Unless you wanna try to turn that into a persuade somehow? [Henry] I'll do Persuade! [GM] What are you doing to persuade them, rather than just lying? [Henry] *rolls* I failed... I'm gonna push it... [Sammy] *uneasy noises* IF YOU PUSH IT AND IT GOES BAD, IT GOES WORSE [Henry] AH! HAHA! I ROLLED A SIX! [Sammy] THAT'S STILL NOT LESS THAN FIVE! [Henry] WELL IM DOING PERSUADE! [Sammy] That means you have to NOT LIE! [Henry] ....Fuck. [Henry] Okay, uh, there's an emergency, we need the contents of that safe. [Sammy] THATS STILL A LIE??? [Joey] NO actually, THAT'S TRUE! [Henry] It IS an emergency!!

[Sammy] Sammy cannot believe that this is working.

[GM] Bendy does wonder what his plan is for getting out of the safe. This does not seem like a fun party place. [Joey] Um, [Joey] Joey says it's a surprise.

[GM] Henry, the safe does indeed open! And there's a Joey! [GM] Bendy says "Oh wow!" [Henry] Henry tries his best to keep a straight face, like yes! this is exactly what he came here for! [Sammy] (Sammy is NOT keeping a straight face) [Jack] (Straight? In this party?)

[Jack] He's probably saying something like, "What are you doing, he's one of us!" [Jack] And that could go either way. That could mean "No, he's chill, I will persuade you to stop!" Or that could mean, "We are also criminals!"

[GM, as the guards] Then why does he look like the Yellow King's messenger? [Henry] *not missing a beat* We get that a lot.

[GM] Something falls from the sky and lands in front of him. And it's a person! [Joey] Is he alive? [GM] Very much not. [Sammy] How... how Illusion of Living canon-compliant is this Joey...?

[Jack] So... it would probably occur to Jack that this is weird for a party,

[Henry] Joey don't touch it! [Joey] Why not? [Henry] There's runes around it. I don't know if you can touch it. [Joey] Joey's gonna touch it. [Henry] *long-suffering sigh* If you get zapped, I'll tell you I told you so!

[Jack] Jack really wishes we were just back at the party right now, you guys... [Jack] Only bad things have happened. [Jack] Pete's traumatised, Joey's goopy, the Lurker ate all of the snacks,

[Sammy] Can I try to break free from Henry? Sammy's gonna try to run over there. [Henry] At this point, Sam can go, if he wants. [Sammy] Okay, cool. Then Sammy's gonna go and put ink in his mouth! [Henry] Goddammit. I was hoping you were going to check on Joey!

[Joey] You can’t take all of the sanity hits! You have to leave some for other people! [Jack] Says you! You got so many temps!! And an indefinite!!

[GM] Bendy probably is complaining loudly about WHY DID HE WALK THROUGH THE RUNES??? [Joey] Oh! I thought he was going to complain about the party, or lack thereof, [GM] That’s part of not having fun at the party, he’s not into that! [Joey] Well, [GM] This is not a fun party activity!!

[GM] But he doesn’t think it will destroy either of them, if you do it right! [Jack] That’s a nice, way to end that sentence,

[Sammy] Let us hurry! May I take the stone? [Joey] Joey shrugs. [Sammy] Sammy will, uh, attempt to reach inside of... whatever this is, and find the stone. [Henry] Reach INTO your LOCAL boss, and you will find A Friend And Boy,

[Sammy] Is there anything in this room that I can pick up, and then hit him in the head with? [GM] Henry has a stick... uh....there’s a projector.... [Sammy] Can I pick that up? [GM] No, you cannot. [Sammy] It would be REALLY funny if Sammy dropped a projector on someone else’s head. [Sammy] HOW THE TURNTABLES!!!

[GM] ...Can you impale with a rocking horse...???? [Sammy] I don’t want to impale, I want to knock him in the head so he passes out!!! Rest your head, it’s time for bed!!!

[Jack] I don’t think Jack has any plans after this! [Jack] I meant that in the sense that he doesn’t know what he’s doing next, but the way I phrased it, now it just sounds like he’s hitting on Fowler, like, he doesn’t have anything to do after this, are you free? That’s not canon.

[Joey] I don’t know how this will go, [Sammy] Good luck! [Joey] But Joey would like to-- [Sammy] Sammy believes in half of you! [GM] w-which Sammy? wHICH HALF?!

[Jack] I know you said “note.” But my brain at first processed that word as “milk.” [Henry] *laughing* “Did you get my milk, Fowler?” [Jack] He drank the last carton and he didn’t buy more! [Sammy] “I’m going to the store, want me to get anything? *jumps into the lake*”

[GM] Combat Jack! [Jack] *exasperated* He’s not a Combat Boy! Jack is soft and warm, like mashed potatoes!!!

[GM] Norman is wondering to Henry if he oughta be concerned about you all getting what you want out of this. [Henry] .....Maybe.

[chessieshire]

Processing my thoughts here.

I've been rewatching Cas and Dean scenes and moments where I know they talk about each other to analyze their reactions. Why? Because I wanted to assess for myself how I think Dean feels about Cas. I like to think I have pretty good intuition or so I've been told throughout my life. Track record of it is pretty good with the results.

When you grow up walking on eggshells having to assess people's behavior and emotions in order to protect yourself and others it becomes a necessary survival skill.

So what do I think so far? Ok so Dean is definitely bi so let's get that out of the way.

I personally think Dean has been subconsciously attracted to Cas and has felt love for him as a best friend or brother up until season 12 when I believe Dean actually fell in deep love with Cas.

I believe the moment Dean fell in love with Cas was when Cas killed Billy to save the 3 of them and then says he doesn't care if he loses his own life as a consequence.

I think before that moment Dean really did feel dead inside from being locked up in solitude for almost 2 months. Then when Cas made that huge risk to his own life to save theirs I believe it brought Dean's emotions back to life. Like a cosmic jumpstart.

Obviously Dean's an emotionally suppressed dum dum (I am too it takes one to know one) that he wasn't aware of falling in love with Cas he was just reacting to his frustrations, confusions, and concern for Cas and the "cosmic consequences". Hence the marital bickering in the next episode.

I believe that Dean started to realize he was in love with Cas when he almost died by the poisonous/venomous lance. When Cas said he loves him looking at Dean and loves them all. Dean started to realize he loved him romantically as he almost lost him again but probably still didn't "get" what kind of love Cas meant towards him.

Then Dean's dealing with too much confusion about it. He was so upset with Cas leaving and not responding to his messages it triggered his abandonment issues while Mary was also "needing space" at the same time that made those triggers worse. He had told Cas previously that he's his and Sam's best friend and brother (probably to observe his reaction to that to get a hint of how Cas felt) but he's obtuse so he probably felt like Cas loved him like a bro.

Not to mention season 7 when Dean is telling Kevin that he doesn't believe angels have the equipment to care and when they try they breakdown.

So I can see how it never occurred to him about Cas being in love with him and why he'd continue to suppress his own emotions and try distracting them with countless women. Despite cutting down on the sexual conquests in the last few seasons because they probably didn't work much anymore as a distraction and he got a piece of the void filled with merely Cas's friendship.

Edited to add: (oh shit how could I forget to point out?! So the last time Dean canonically had sex was season 12 episode 18 while Cas was missing and Dean was extremely upset with him. Dean was trying to distract his feelings about Cas and it no longer worked in my opinion. He looked more distracted than usual and when he told Sam how his night was he had to say awesome 3 times like he was trying to convince himself. Hence the last time he sleeps with a woman. From this point on Dean doesn't have anymore one night stands. ...carry on...)

Without a doubt Dean was unsure if angels in general could actually fall in love and felt like it was less painful to not pursue a romantic relationship due to the job and how either one of them could die for any reason.

If Cas had been human and there were no more monsters and demons and supernatural shit to hurt and kill people I'm confident that they would've been hooking up. It would've ruled out the complicated job risks and made clear that Cas is capable of feeling romantic love for somebody.

The times that Dean was actually angry at Cas and not "pretend angry but actually worried" were because he was offended that Cas didn't trust him and that Cas took off without an explanation or response. It just added to Dean's fears of Cas being incapable of feeling true love for him because he's an angel.

When Dean prayed to Cas in season 15 I think he was going to finally confess he loved him. But time was of the essence. As it always is and then they never get a moment after that to really talk to each other until Cas confessed his love.

Edit: Can I check this one off?! Because it really does sound like Dean says, "I...(breathy pause) I-love...(huff pause) you-don't know why I get so angry." *thinks* Yeahhhh it counts dammit! ✅

The episode after Dean's confession is Garth showing him being with someone is possible with their complicated backgrounds and jobs and he dances with a lamp and blows it a kiss. Whether or not the lamp really is a stand in for Cas it definitely is a representation of something or someone Dean truly wants.

He yearns for sharing love with someone.

Edit: Can I sorta check this one off? Ehhhh...maybe??? The guy that plays Garth (sorry I don't want to misspell the actor's name) stated that there was hidden subtext for romantic love with Dean and another character. He didn't say the subtext was "lamp" though since he thought this scene was meant to be fun...but...I think maybe it still could be if he was unaware of it. Since I'm hearing the dance choreographer says there's deeper meaning.

In season 11 Dean asked Jesse and his husband Cesar about what was it like settling down with a hunter. He was thinking about it! He wanted to know not only for Sam but for himself as well! He asked a GAY COUPLE which clues me in on maybe because they made him think of him and Cas. Maybe subconsciously anyway.

Dean never gets the opportunity to express how he truly feels other than anger, forgiveness, and brotherly love towards people and that's some toxic masculinity bullshit!

When Cas left to the Empty Dean was completely breaking down not just because he lost Cas but because he felt he lost his only chance at a happy life with a significant other who understands him.

And then the next episodes made no fucking sense. Read a bit like "oh well now I'm relieved I didn't have to confess my deep love for a dude and can move on! Mmmmmm...pie!"

(my phone autocorrected to "mmmmmm... Pierre" and I was like 👀 even my phone's like Dean is bi and looking for a french dude to take his mind off Cas lolll)

So to summarize...Dean Winchester loves Castiel and the last 2 episodes is some outrageous bullshit and I'll never get over it unless by some miracle Jensen obtains the rights to the show and fixes it!

[mimiri22-6]

OK! So far I've been spoiled on Gandra, Fendra Kiss, and Mini Gandra. And many others that I can't think of right now because Gandra Dee lives in my head rent free

It's been a while, LET'S DO THIIISSSS!!!!

Fenton's just as smitten as ever

"Oh, Suit."[Affectionate] Fuck I'm already soft

THE KISS HAPPENS SO EARLY WHAT

Oh yeah also, VR Episode YEAHHHH!!!

"Any place where we're together already is perfect." Dear lord I love then so

"Why are you still a thing?" You could make a meme out of that

MANNY!!! MY FAVORITE FUCKED UP HORSE THING!!!

"You are so bad at lying." Tru, he's one of the worse

The weighted blanket is a mood

MINI GANDRA!!

OH! He just straight up KNOWS she's working with F.O.W.L! Uh-*gasp*They have no secrets, that's goals, I love them your honor, I love them so much

Help, I have diabetes now, those faces were so sweet, hlep

MAMA CRACKSHELL-CABRERA!!! A QUEEN HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING!

They are both the worst at lying and idk if Mama Cabrera is faking it, or if it runs in the family

"Kid with hat" Please, Gyro, no

Why did that work?

"Who is that?" HaHA! Take THAT Beaks!

LOUIE DIDN'T KNOW?! Also, SURPRISE! LOUIE HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING!

At least Mama Crackshell can tell the triplets apart

"Why do I keep going in this closet?!" Is there something you want to tell us Gyro?

Oh no. Beaks is here to destroy everything he touches again.

Oh, oh he really just passed out so fast. GIVE HUEY NAPS! LET HIM DESTRESS THIS POOR DUCKLING!

Beaks? More like Bitch

Oh, I didn't think we'd get soft Gandra this early, but I'm not complaining. I'm loving this, if you couldn't tell

"I never cared about what people thought about me until I-i met you." "And I don't care what anyone thinks about us because I know you." F-fuck. Fuck Anyone that says that this is a bad relationship, this is-*sob*So Fuckin SOFT

BEAKS YOU FUCK!! YOU RUINED THE MOMENT! JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER TIME YOU EXIST!

d-de bwush. He be blushin

So Dewey tap dances at 3 am? Noted.

HE'S FREE

For a moment, I thought Beaks imagined training wheels onto the suit and I was prepared to point and laugh like a school bully(don't actually bully, What would Fenton think)

*The gang has entered the battle*

OOOOHH! IS THIS WHERE WE GET A+ ACTION ANIMATION?!

ANIME TRANFORMATION #WHO KNOWS ANYMORE!!

Lon g Huey has made his reappearance. For Science and Love is his catchphrase(wait that's actually not that bad a catchp)

Those are Not your long legs to keep, bitch!

ROBOMAMA LET'S GOOOOOOOOO!!!

"RoboCop, I small a franchise" HEY! You're not aloud to be funny.

Gyro Gets To Be His Own Mech! YEAHH! LIVE OUT THOSE ANIME DREAMS!

YOU DON'T DESERVE A MECH YOU CHEAT!

AND GANDRA BEING SO COOL! YAY!

He doesn't deserve cool tech.

HaHa! Head Empty! No original thoughts!(...I'm not original either. I've just been reminded of this fact.)

Oh no, he's the villain from Smash Bros.

Why did I just get Shazam vibes with them transforming together?

So instead of the super ducks(wth where they called again? the Duck family's super hero alter egos? I forget what it was and I can't look it up)we got the Gizmoducks? I'm ok with this

Ehhehe, now who is the smartie, Gryro?

"...but I LOVE this woman and I want everyone to know it..." I LOVE HIM! AND I LOVE MAMA'S RESPONSE!

God if F.O.W.L constantly has their lights set to red, then they're eyesight must Suffer from that

NOW SHE BLUSHY! YEAY!!

(I have a bad feeling about this scene...)

I WAS RIGHT TO FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT SCENE! I HATE WHEN I'M RIGHT! BRADFORD? MORE LIKE BRADFUCK! BITCHFORD TOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't have much else to say about this other than WE'RE BACK BABEY!!!

[nyrator]

been feeling like venting, so just some random vents- then afterwards, JSRF ramblings because I just beat that game

turning 29 at the end of the week, not looking forward to it- turning 30 next year terrifies me

mother’s funeral was friday, got that out of the way relatively painlessly (other than having to spend an extra 800 dollars just to bury my sister with her, about $4500 by the end of it

gofundme raised about $2000, other donations about $1300 last I counted (probably higher), so most of it was covered

yesterday my mother’s 70 year old best friend held a party at a bar for my mother’s friends and I was obligated to go, bunch of crazy old women talking like sailors, drinking and smoking pot and laughing about all the drugs they did and all the times they got raped (yeahhhh), the only person I was comfortable around was the best friend. And then the party ends two hours late, we’re getting kicked out of the bar, and this friend falls bending down to grab a picture of my mother that she dropped, smashes her face into the floor, and collapses with a pool of blood under her face, unmoving, right in front of me. I couldn’t get the words out that I’d go and pick the photo up for her before she went to get it, and I regret it

Thankfully, she only had a concussion and a broken nose, she started responding after about a minute of just lying there, but it messed me up, I think.

I’ve been debating if I want to start drinking. I never tried before, mainly because my father was an abusive and violent alcoholic. The other reason is because I’m afraid what I’d do to myself if I had no inhibitions in place, I feel like I’d be very dangerous to myself.

neck has been stiff for two days. Probably slept on it wrong. Also keep feeling like I get different symptoms of covid every so often after exposing myself to the public (that bar was packed with old people who wouldn’t wear masks and had no concept of personal space). Today my throat’s been sore and I can barely breathe.

my boss told me I can go back to work as soon as the funeral’s finished- not sure if I should call her to remind her or wait for her to call me, she texted me last week and I told her the funeral was on friday. But my coworker was also wondering and asked me today, and I didn’t know what to tell her, since my boss doesn’t want me to let her know just yet because of how limited they’re open (three days a week, four hours a day)

relationships are very hard

I’m a terrible person who does the bare minimum to help someone who’s terribly lonely and depressed, and it’s like I’m backed into a corner in desperation from being unable to do anything about it. I’ve caused so much harm to this relationship that I wonder if there’s any way it can survive sometimes

It’s always the case, though- I can’t get myself to do more than the minimum effort it takes, and my social anxiety prevents me from ever initiating anything, which has cost me so many people that I shouldn’t be surprised at this point. And I can feel that awful, selfish bitterness inside of me, that part of my father and my sister that’s in me that I try to suppress, and I hate it.

my diet is going well enough, lost over five pounds since starting it late August. But it’s mostly because I just dislike eating, so eating in portions is easier for me. And then there are days like today, where I just don’t eat at all. Just ate one slice of bread, 30g of peanut butter, and a small cup of ice cream today, and I don’t even feel hungry. Normally I try to get some food in me, but today I’m just too disgusted to even try to make dinner.

My sleep’s also been weird, still. Been going to bed later and later again, but can’t stay asleep. Usually only sleep in bouts of 3-4 hours, then just lay awake until I’m half asleep long enough that I feel the urge to give up and get up. It’s been like that for weeks now, I can’t remember the last full night of sleep I’ve gotten.

In lighter news, finally got back to playing JSRF. Beat it the other night after 24.5 hours of game time, just have a few more challenges left (did everything from Dogenzaka Hill to the Bottom of the Sewage Facility so far), got all graffiti and souls possible before beating the final boss. Played it via emulator (which worked great except for crashing when entering the graffiti selection occasionally) with a Switch Pro Controller, felt really good. I own it and the original Xbox for it, but just am spoiled by a PC experience, I suppose.

The gameplay is great, but the level design leaves a funny taste in my mouth. Aesthetics are worse than JSR for me, while music... it’s tough to say, it’s different than JSR, but really grew on me. Sometimes it felt more like noise (I remember the Sewage tracklist not speaking to me too much at first with the more ambient-ish tracks), but it did grow on me a lot. Baby-T was my Garage theme the entire game, such a great track.

Naganuma’s music in the first game was definitely the weakest of the original’s OST (still good of course), but in Future I feel he really stepped up his game. Teknopathetic is one of my favorite songs in the new OST.

speaking of favorite music, here’s mine from each game:

Bout the City

Dragula

Magical Girl

Miller Ball Breakers

Mischievous Boy

On the Bowl (A.Fargus Mix)

Rock It On

Super Brothers

Yellow Bream

Aisle 10

Baby-T

Birthday Cake

Count Latchula

I'm Not a Model

Like It Like This Like That

Rockin' the Mic

Statement of Intent

Teknopathetic

The Scrappy

(shout outs to Girls from the one JSR CD, haven’t listened to much of the other exclusive songs to it, but Girls was good)

but yeah, my minor gripes with Future

Linear level design was a bit painful (missing a jump and not being able to backtrack a lot was bleh), and the later levels were very painful (the sewage area and the rooftops are come to mind, skyscraper to a lesser extent but I liked the skyscraper one a bit more), but at the same time, they force you to get good, which I can appreciate, so hm. Still, a checkpoint system (especially since there are save points) or unlocking shortcuts would be a bit more convenient, if not entirely necessary.

Not having a way to stop auto-grinding, even if just holding down a trigger or something- the way I latched onto rails especially in the sewage area was painful

Points challenges mainly being “find the special points rail and just spamming Y” on it was a bit odd (mainly for the Jet Techs so far, just five minutes of spamming Y...), but I like how the combos feel in this game, especially X combos to speed up. Has a rhythm that’s hard to explain but just feels natural.

Also street challenges should’ve been explained better in general, had to look up most of the special ones (and glitched out the Shibuya Terminal one many times until realizing the fix was just “hop all over each platform multiple times and hope it counts”, the second one next to the tilted platform specifically for me

Mew/Bis/Rhyth’s redesign still hurts, but you better believe she’s the character I used throughout the entire game after unlocking her

Storywise, I think I like JSR’s take better- Professor K being a neutral party and more amusing/less insulting, Onishima > Hayashi, and the character designs and artstyle I overall prefer from the first game

Felt like it tried to add things that just didn’t really work sometimes (Death Ball comes to mind, though I haven’t messed with Versus yet, the story mission was very easy compared to how they hyped it up), and the boss battles were all... strange. Tagging enemies on that roller coaster level, having to grind up to that one Hayashi boss fight over and over and over, then even moreso for the final boss... never got much use out of targeting enemies, spinning circles around them, or things like the railgrab for high jumps or skidding to slow down for graffiti, either, but maybe they have their uses.

But man, the game did feel fun to play, just frustrating to explore, I think. I still like the idea of making Skatered, even more after playing this game. Maybe I could learn modding, or something...

Oh yeah, also got all the pieces of my costume together (minus some eva foam), we’ll see how that goes. Not looking forward to assembling it, honestly, but I can’t back out now. Main regret I think is the tights, being unable to find striped ones (and the solid ones I bought being a bit too see-through, I should’ve bought a size up maybe). Still not confident enough in my makeup abilities, either.

and one last bit of light news- I finally got my Kuja figure, he’s so beautiful and detailed and I need a good place to put him

[ftbillie]

leigh-anne pinnock. cisfemale.  she/her.  ／  billie prescott  just pulled up blasting girls need love by summer walker — that song is so them ! you know, for a(n) twenty-four year old singer, i’ve heard they’re really pessimistic,  but that they make up for it by being so audacious. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say small forgotten &  meaningless tattoos, patron filled shot glasses, and texts left on read . here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble ! (  it’s me raq im sorry u have to see 4 muses from me )

         it’s raq, hows it going ? this is billie, she’s alot but so am i so it tracks. hopefully that weird new muse phase  goes over smoothly because ,,, i love her already. uhh i’ve gotta add her to my plot list but ! i’ll try to list some below. hmu for plots as usual and,, yUH! here we go ( side note i am watching insidious while doing this so if it doesn’t make sense, you know why ) yes i made her from texas no i don’t regret that decision.

divorce  tw,  and yeahhhh stay safe ! i think that’s it. 

                                                       [   𝕓𝕒𝕤𝕚𝕔𝕤   ]

full  name:  billie  nadia  prescott 

age:  twenty-three years old

date  of  birth:  december 24th 

star  sign:  capricorn

place  of  birth:  dallas ,  texas 

currently  living  in:  los angeles , california

sexual orientation:  pansexual

TL;DR : her  parents  were  divorced,  which  sent  her  into  a  crazy  phase  of  running  away  and  not  trusting  anyone  around  her.  her  father  gave  up  on  her,  she  hates  her  mother  --  her  grandfather  billy  is  the  only  person  who  seemed  to  continue  to  care  and  support  her .  she’s  still  quite  untrusting,  her  best  defense  mechanism  being  sarcasm  and  a  little  bit  of  coldness.  she’s  not  the  best  lover  cause  she  doesn’t  believe  in  all  that  but  she  is  a  rather  loyal  friend.  if  you  know  any  of  my  older  muses  she’s,,, a  margo  lite.  margo  with  some  goals  and  direction . 

                                                    [  𝕓𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕘𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕕  ]  

      nicholas  prescott  and  elise  masters  were  on  their  way  to  martial  bliss. expecting  their first  child,  happily  engaged,   moving  into  their  first  home  together.  everything  in  their  lives  seem  to  have  fallen  right  into  place.  and  to  make  matters  even  better ,  their  first  daughter  --  billie  prescott  would  be  born  on  christmas  eve.  an  early  christmas  present,  like  the  perfect  bow  to  neatly  tie  up  their  perfect  lives.   named  after  nick’s  father,  billy  prescot .  billie  was  their  pride  and  joy.  married  a  year  after  ,  elise  and   nick’s  lives  couldn’t  be  better.   

         billie  grew  into  loving  dance and  music  at  a  very  young  age.  around  five  she’d  take  dance  and  singing  lessons  and  ( despite,  probably  hardly  being  able  to  afford  it  all )  her  parents  really  wanted  to  push  her  to  do  great  things  with  her  talents.  they  even  put  her  in  a  critically   acclaimed   fine  arts  school.  but  themselves  in  quite  a  bit  of  debt,  but  it  was  worth  it  to  try  to  distract  her  from everything  else  going  on  in   their  lives.  

         no  one  expected   infidelity  to  break  apart  the  perfect  prescott  family.  it’d  been  going  on  for  months  --  elise’s  coming  and  going,  slowly  but  surely  falling  in  love  with  another  man.  timing  has  never  been  their  greatest  ally.  the  day  before  billie’s  twelfth  birthday  (  december  23,  2009 )   their  family  officially  broke  apart.  finding  out  elise  was  pregnant  with  another  man’s  child,  nick  packed  up  his  bags  and moved  in  with  his  father  billy.  

            christmas  eve  and  day  would  never  be  the  same  for  billie.  her  father    gained  sole  custody  after  the  divorce.  her  relationship  with  her  mother  &  step  father  was  never  good  --  billie, not  really   wanting  to  spend  any   time  with  either  of  her  parents.  her  life  is  pretty  much  in  turmoil,  running  away  from  home  for  days  on  end  (  or  until  a  friend’s  parent  ratted  her  out).   at   this  point  of  her  life things at  school  also  got  worse,  she  nearly  gave  up  dance.  the  divorce  of  her  parents  really  hard  on  her.  to  add,  she’d  also  been  getting  bullied  at  her  fine  arts  school.  she  looked  different,  dressed  different,  wasn’t  as  wealthy  as  the  other  girls  at  her  school.  she  was  picked  on  incessantly   making  her want  to  get  as  far  away  from  her  school  as  she  could.    essentially,  this  phase  in  her  life is  the  worse  it’s  ever  been  and  a  time  she  likes  to  pretend  didn’t  happen. 

             luckily  she  didn’t  quit  the  school,  her  grandfather  is  to  credit  for  pushing  her  to  continue  as  her  father  lost  a lot  of  patience  for  the  young  girl  thanks  to  her  behavior.  a  few  years  later,  in   2011,  she’d  land  the  opportunity  of  a  lifetime.  scouted  at  one  of  her  performances,   billie  was  offered  a  chance  to  join  a  girl  group.  maybe  more  attracted  to  the chance  of  moving  to  los  angles  at  such  a  young  age  and  getting  away  from  the  visits  to  her  mother’s  house ,  she  accepted !  and  the  rest  is  pretty  much  history.  she’d  meet  her  closest  friends  and  finally  get  a  taste  of  what  she’s  always   wanted  -- her  independence  away  from  it  all.  

                                                    [   𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪   ]  

      disciplined,  smart,  self -  reliant,  pessimistic  ( quite  literally  always  expecting  the  worse ),  a  know  it  all,  ambitious,  a  bit  of  a  workaholic,  adventurous,  

       prettyyy  self  loathing  but  really  hides  it  kinda  well  with a  facade  of  grandiose.  but  upon  meeting  her  it’s  pretty  obvious  she  doesn’t  believe  that. 

        just,,,,  so  sarcastic  lmao has  zero  good  coping  skills .  none.   so  if  it’s  not  backhanded  sarcasm  she’ll  probably  resort  to ... substances. hollywood  hasn’t  been  kind  to  her  so  she’s  kinda  been  exposed  to  some  bad  influences  at  a  very  young  age.  she’s  trying  her  best  eye,,,

         she’s  despite  being  really  stubborn  ,  she’s  pretty  forgiving.  

         loves  to  dance!  she’s  professionally  trained  in  ballet  ,  tap,  and  a  few  other  styles.  she  does  that  in  her  free  time  when  she  isn’t  working  on  the  band  as  well  as  a  very  small  soundcloud  gig  under  a  fake  name  that  she  keeps  underwraps  * subject to change lmao 

         i  think  that’s  it.  she’s  just  chaotic  and  i’m  still  figuring  her  out ! 

                                                    [  𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤  ]

       more  friends  outside  of  the  band. a  few !  i  don’t  see  her  being  uber  close  to  a  ton  of  people  outside  of  her  band.  but  i  imagine  she’s  also  go  a  few  casual  friends  who  she  hangs  with.  party  friends!  even  worse  influences!  good  influences!  people  she’s  terribly  influencing.    we  love  to  see  it!! 

        someone  new  to  the  industry  that  mayb  she’s  a  bit  protective  over??

         an  ex  or  two? she’s not,, /really/  the type  to  date alot lmaoooo  so i  imagine she’s got a few exes who  are  likely on bad terms. maybe one  that’s on  good terms. such  good terms  they  forget  they  were even  together  at  one  point lmao

          casual  flings!  relationships  that  never  made  it  anywhere  because  she  sells  herself  too  short  and  probably  never  thought  the  other  could  actually  love  her  seriously  if  they  ever  got  to  know  her

.       anything  and  everything pls :) 

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Mornings ~ Dan Howell

A/n: Short little Dan Howell fluff :’)

~ Anon Pidge

Word Count: 1476

"I've been told that people in the army do more by 7am than I do in an entire day, but if I wake up at 6:59 and turn to you and trace the outline of your lips with mine, I have done enough. And killed no one in the process."

- Shane Koyczan

When I was younger, my grandfather would lecture me constantly about wasted time. He had ranted to me - once for a straight hour and a half - about how all my dragging feet and dilly dallying would come to bite me in the butt. He’d go on about how much he did by 7am in the morning... and here I was, not even awake until 10am earliest on a good day.

Once I’d moved out, I realized how right he was. I developed a habit of going to bed at 10pm, waking up at 6am to start my day strong. It had always delivered me an easier time than teenage me had. I still had anxiety and depression all episodes, but they were lesser than before and I was calmer, more organized, more focused, and could genuinely breathe easier.

Despite this, my reports to my grandfather always went unapproved. He’d simply go back to his speeches on what he did in his golden ages working in the forces and how much he’d done only by 7am...

Eventually I gave up. I kept a solid sleeping schedule but I’d become satisfied with never fulfilling my grandfather’s idea of achievement. Some people just can’t be pleased!

Then I met Dan.

Daniel Howell cane to me during our time in uni. We’d been in the hallway and he was in a rush, running past me as I strolled and ramming hard into me. I yelled something about watching where he was going and he called back a frantic apology before containing on his way. Later, we’d run into each other at a coffee shop. Despite my good sleep schedule, exams were about to hit and my sleep was getting WRECKED.

Used to my well planned schedule, I was a mess and sat with my elbows on my textbook and my face in my hands as I cried in the middle of the coffee shop. Dan sat across from me. “You’re the girl from the hallway,” he began.

I’d glared at him, unaware at the time about how aware and caring of people he was and how he would be the best thing to ever happen to me. “You’re the boy who ran into me,” I stayed grumpily. “Literally.”

He winced. “Yeahhhh, sorry about that.”

Sighing, I shook my head. “It’s fine. What do you want? I’m kind of busy.”

He fought a smile. “Crying over your book?”

My eyes fell to my book. “Exams suck.”

Conversation sparked between us and he soon bought me another coffee and hooked me onto an actual date as apology for our hallway collision.

When my sleeping schedule stabilized and Dan dropped out of uni, we saw a lot more of each other in a better light. It took a long time (all of which Phil kept pestering us to just make it official, although Dan likes to take things slow and I was busy with school anyway) but eventually, we got together. The day I graduated he scooped me up with a grin and asked if he could kiss me and I didn’t hesitate.

Eventually I even moved in with him and Phil; Dan’s idea. I thought it would be a wreck but Dan and I shared a room and everything was pretty fantastic. That was a little while ago. I’d now known Dan five years, dated him two, and had been living with him for one. Wild how time passes like that.

All of this ran through my mind as I lay awake for an unusually lazy morning. Well, they were unusual for me at least. Usually I’d kiss Dan’s forehead before heading to work because I couldn’t pull of the YouTube gig like the boys could (though they HAD looped me into a few appearances, especially after Dan and I admitted that we were dating with no further detail), but today I had work off.

My eyes flickered to the clock- 6:58 exactly.

I couldn’t help think about my grand father’s solidly set time, 7am. How he always used that time. I’d been up for an hour before that time and had for years. In that moment that the 8 turned into a 9, I admired the way Dan looked when he slept.

His face was smooth and clear. He was warm and seemed younger, as everyone seemed to in the peace of a deep, pleasant dream. His hair was curly and messy and I couldn’t help a smile at his childish and silky he looked at the same time that he looked incredibly good. The sunlight pressed against his skin, lighting and warming the color and making his features soft and bright. He was beautiful.

My hand reached out, fingers tracing the lines of his face mindlessly. Sensing movement, I looked over so that my eyes met Dan’s. I dropped my hand and he chuckled silently. “Admiring the view?” He asked in a croaky morning voice that set the adorable scene perfectly as a cherry on top of icecream.

I scooted close. “May I kiss you?”

He rolled his eyes but blushed. “You don’t have to ask.”

At 6:59am on my day off from work, my lips met Dan’s and a sense of calm and warmth and complete serenity filled me until I was overflowing with it. I thought about the amazing five years I’d had with Dan so far and those still yet to come. For a second I thought about the future but then I pushed it all away to bask in the pure moment of now, still untainted by the rest of the day.

He leaned back and I caught the tabs on the clock turning so that it was now 7am. Brown eyes wide and melted into wavering puddles of softness, he whispered, “I... Whoa.”

I giggled. “I love you Daniel James.”

He blushed, shifting. He always turned into a teenage school girl when I got mushy with him and I thrived in those moments.

“I love you too,” he whispered. And I believed him.

The next time I saw my grandfather, I would sit in front of him as Dan joked with my mother just a ways away. It was a holiday and I’d dragged Dan to my family get together first. “Grandad,” I started. He looked up at me.

Before I could begin my little speech that would top all of his in one go, he smiled. His eyes watered and he grinned without any of his own teeth. “You’ve done it.”

I rose an eyebrow. “Done what?”

“You’ve fallen in love. Real love. The kind of love I felt for your gran.” I blushed, eyes going wife and for the first time in my life listened to what my grandad had to say. “It wasn’t until she passed away that I realized that all those days of my youth fighting and getting up early and being productive and all the achievements I claimed for it... were nothing. Compared to late nights and early mornings with her. With the love of my life. Nothing compared to the love I experienced all in one moment.”

My eyes widened in soft surprise. “How did it know?”

He smiled, chuckling as he shook his head and wagged a finger at me. “I know that look, child. It’s the way you look at rainbows and talk of magic and the way you explain your favorite character or book or song. The way you talk about your dreams and the look you get when you’re about to talk about the thin you love most. The way you look at that boy.” I blushed worse and he laughed again, catching Dan’s attention. “If he’s got you to realize it so young, do yourself a favor. Don’t let him go.”

My grandad had leaned close and my eyes watered, my grin so wide it hurt. I could feel Dan’s eyes on me as I tried not to cry, blushing, but he dint dare cut my mum off to approach me. “I’m not planning on it.”

Finally, I had done more than my grandad ever had because he had realized the importance of the moments he’d lost too late. I’d done more in that one minute between 6:59 and 7:00, admiring the face of the man I loved and then kissing him, wrapped in sunshine and dreamy grogginess, than my grandad could even dream of in his fighting days.

And I’d done nothing violent either.

I had to explain everything to Dan later and he would pull me close, burying his face in my neck to hide his blush. I would chuckle and whisper, “You’re not ever getting rid of me, you know that?”

He would pause for a moment, leave a soft kiss on my skin, and then mumble back so quietly I would almost miss it, “Good.”

[bright-witch]

for that oc meme, i don't have anything written up for my inq, so maybe how either of them feels about mana or beren if you remember what i wrote? :O

Thank you so much for sending this !! 💗💗💗🌈💐 There are so many things I’ve wanted to send to you and say to you (my buddy, you are amazing!! I hope you are feeling well!), and I have so many things I’ve been thinking about drawing for you, sdgjsldjgksdjg. I am so sorry this response is massive! I just really love your ocs, especially Mana and Beren, I thought a lot about this c:

Alæru would be fascinated by Mana, and likely deeply enjoy exploring their kingdom *-* Alæru is aware of many gods/immortals, she would probably immediately respect Mana on a similar level to her homeworld’s dieties. This would make Alæru act formal and a bit over-polite while interacting with Mana, at least for a while. Heheh. If Mana were nice to her, she would probably be a bit star-struck and obvious about it. Alæru would also ask as many questions as possible, perhaps… too many. She would be all too happy listening to Mana’s stories for days ( and Alæru is definitely a food snob, so the fine dining would be a major motivation… she loves free food, but is picky about it. She’s awful ;-; ). Alæru is an excellent listener because she is usually truly interested in other people’s thoughts. Sometimes she will laugh or ask short questions, but that is mainly to let the other person know she is genuinely engaged. If Alæru notices it bothers someone, she’ll stop interrupting quickly. 

Alæru would be happy to give any information or story of her own “worthy” of being told… but she would totally be shy/anxious about what to share?? Her mother is a star-creating goddess & life deity; her world is usually what Alæru enjoys discussing. Alæru only lived in the Garden Realm for a short time, but it was everything she admires in a place. Very colorful, everything glows, and has a fantastic aesthetic, but 99% natural - only a few open-air structures, with plenty of sunlight let in, water and plants throughout, exist on the entire small planet. Unfortunately, the vast majority of Alæru’s memories/stories are intense in a bad way. She doesn’t want to traumatize anyone else with them, though they are extremely interesting and hold valuable bits of information about what can happen to gods/the universe when corruption occurs. Alæru’s father is an immortal demon-like entity who ate the soul of a corrupt god (so he became a corrupt god too. dumbass) - that side of the family is something she is deeply ashamed of. Alæru is secretly perpetually worried she will become corrupt too, and doesn’t really understand why she isn’t already. Alæru would be a bit nervous around Mana/their power, and wonder what they could glean about her past, just by being near them. Alæru is not afraid to share her stories, but she is afraid of the reaction? Alæru definitely prefers to hear about other’s stories, adventures, and culture, and keep the focus on them.

Alæru certainly wouldn’t blame Mana for wanting to go “out on business” to enjoy more adventures, heheh. She would likely do the same thing if she ever had that level of consistent responsibility. She would totally love how honest Mana is about their feelings towards people (Alæru is the same way, blunt but certainly never rude unless the person is a huge prick!! and deserves it!! ) Alæru would deeply admire Mana for caring about the wellfare of their people and wish more leaders could be like them. It would also inspire Alæru to want to be more like Mana in that particular aspect, if not others. Alæru would probably end up shadowing them whenever allowed, or visit Mana’s kingdom whenever possible. (Alæru gets very attached to parental or teacher-like figures when they are kind and compassionate. She has not encountered many good people with power like Mana.) A beautiful utopia with happy people and delicious food would be a welcome relief from many of Alæru’s journeys, which involve strenuous space travel to corrupt planets. YIKES. She would have a difficult time leaving! (Mana, you’re gonna have to kick her out, sorry.)

Llyr, who would only be in Mana’s kingdom if Alæru was there as well (Llyr only travels because of Alæru. He’s terrified she’s going to get herself killed), would be respectful but wary of Mana. Llyr is a true demigod but doesn’t trust any of the gods (his mother is a water demon of sorts, but not a true demon like Alæru’s lineage. his father-figure is the water deity, who is genderfluid/a shapeshifter). Likely, he would lump Mana in the same category as his own homeworld’s deities, and want to find Mana’s flaws in order to feel safer. Llyr is a little bit of a dumbass sometimes, even though he’s educated and his heart is generally in the right place. 

I’m not sure if Llyr would be able to let his guard down in Mana’s kingdom, but with how lovely it sounds, he actually might?? The high-quality food is definitely the best way to win him over, especially if you don’t make him eat a vegetarian/vegan meal.  Llyr would probably be very intimidated by Mana and be a little jealous of how amazing and near-perfect they are, tbh. Heheh. He would also be jealous because Alæru would be in awe of Mana, and give them an immense amount of starry-eyed attention. However, if Mana was kind to Alæru, that would totally earn points with Llyr and confuse him, because he would like Mana more inherently for respecting Alæru?? Yeahhhh~ Llyr loves attention and would be more than happy to share his personal adventures with Mana. He knows a lot of water magic and spells completely unique to the lineage of the water deity, and is aware of secrets the moon tells within the tides during various phases / cycles.

For Beren!! Alæru would be unbearably curious about Beren’s real name, ohmygod. She might make up different names for Beren every time she met her, just to see if Beren would blurt out her real name out of frustration (DEMONS, UHG. Alæru is a little shit sometimes.) Alæru would totally enjoy how and why Beren chose that particular name though, and like Beren more for it?? If that makes sense?? Heheh. Alæru enjoys good stories, even if they are lies, and if Beren attempted to manipulate Alæru, it probably wouldn’t bother her that much. Alæru has respect for clever survival tactics and people who think on their feet. Alæru would enjoy studying Beren’s way of going about things, and probably end up playing conversational games with her. It would be hilarious to watch Beren and Alæru sit in the same room together for an extended period of time?? Alæru is extremely honest and rarely lies, but she would likely wear a more world-appropriate form so she didn’t stand out (I mean – glowing, colorful, horns, teeth, wings poppin’ out sometimes, a tail, changing forms whenever she’s in a new environment… yeah… she can look really alien to people!!) Alæru would wonder how long it took Beren to catch her in one of her real forms (I’m guessing, probably not long.) 

Alæru might frustrate Beren because things rarely surprise her. Alæru lived with demons and corrupt gods, it’s difficult to scare her or catch her off guard (unless you have a spider!) I think she would be a good friend for Beren, even though it would be frustrating at first/perhaps not possible because Beren is so guarded? Alæru loves thinking critically and attempts to tame her chaotic nature at all times, and tries to direct her energy towards productive things (whether it be purifying corrupt matter, or growing plants~ She often fights life and death battles for her friends, and will fight for people she barely knows. She will die for animals and plants, and even though she is critical of humanoids, she will die for most of them too, heheh. Definitely a huge martyr complex). She might eventually become like a big sister to Beren, and try to help her find purpose once she is done mentoring Wolf, if Beren ever eventually let someone else in emotionally other than Bakal. Alæru would definitely admire Beren’s fighting skills and ability to fillet a bitch.

Llyr wouldn’t even know what the hell to do with Beren. He would be calm around her, but very snarky if he ever managed to catch her in a lie or attempted manipulative tactic. Llyr would notice some similar qualities between Beren and his twin Nyx, who he eventually learns cannot be trusted. Llyr would most likely quietly observe Beren and spend most of that time trying to figure her out. He would also be very extra protective of Alæru around Beren out of instinct. Because Llyr is a shapeshifter, he could easily blend into whatever world Beren exists within, without limit. He would be perpetually worried about Beren figuring out his, or even worse Alæru’s, true forms. He doesn’t trust how people from other planets will react to aliens/monsters :(

Send me an OC and I will tell you how my OC feels about them.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Dream A Little Dream Of Me- Part 4

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,643

Warnings: Typical Supernatural violence, language, angst, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

You rushed to the hospital to your dad’s room, opening the door and walking inside. You smiled when you saw him staring back at you. You sniffled and ran to him, giving him a big hug while Dean and Sam walked into the room, shutting the door.

“You’re okay.” You whispered to him, pulling away to look at him.

“Thank you,” Bobby whispered back to you and you nodded, taking a seat by his bed.

“It’s good to see you up and breathing,” Dean said with a smile, walking over to the bed and taking a seat next to you. “We brought you something.” Dean held up the files and research Bobby did before he was affected by the Dream Root.

“Yeah, I don’t know what happened to you guys but I encountered the person who was doing the damage. I’m going to go see if I can find him in his dorm room. You were right, Dean. It’s one of Dr. Gregg’s patient’s.” Sam said.

“Okay, call us with what you find.” You said and Sam nodded before walking to the door.

“It’s good to have you back, Bobby,” Sam said with a smile before he left. You sighed and turned back to your dad. Dean gave Bobby his research and while he looked at it, you stared at him.

“Hey, Bobby. That, uh... That stuff, all that stuff with your wife?” Dean asked and Bobby sighed.

“What actually happened?” You asked him.

“Everybody got into hunting somehow,” Bobby answered.

“But my mom…?”

“It happened after your mom and I. Look, we weren’t going to work out. It was something you try with a good friend to see if you can make it work but it didn’t. We remained good friends after that and she was actually Karen’s maid of honor.”

“Oh, okay, sorry.” You nodded.

“Don't be sorry. If it weren't for you, I'd still be lost in there. Or dead. So, thank you.” Bobby said.

“Yeah, anytime.” You said with a smile.

“Hey, Dean, can you get me some water?” Bobby asked and he nodded, getting up.

“Of course,” Dean said, leaving the room.

“Hey, I heard what you said,” Bobby said once you were alone.

“What do you mean?” You asked, having no clue what he was talking about.

“Your mother wasn’t a witch.” He said and you tensed up, not believing he actually heard you.

“You heard all that?”

“I did and I’ll tell you anything you want to know about her but witchcraft isn’t one of the things she could do.”

“Can I show you something?” You asked and he nodded. You looked around you and grabbed some pens you found on the bedside table and laid them on his bed. You sighed and put your hand over them and concentrated on using your magic on them. Suddenly, the pens started floating and you looked at Bobby who stared at the pens as if it were aliens. You raised your hand higher and the pens floated higher on command. You sighed and pulled your hand away but the pens still floated.

“Is that normal to you?” You asked, looking at Bobby.

“But if your mother was a witch, I would know about it.” He said and the pens dropped when the door opened.

“Here you go,” Dean said, handing Bobby a cup.

“Does Sam and Dean know?” Bobby whispered and you nodded.

“Do Sam and I know what?” Dean asked, taking a seat next to you.

“Her powers, what she can do.”

“Oh, yeah, we’re trying to figure that out.” Dean sighed. Before anyone else could say anything, the door opened and Sam walked in with a frown on his face.

“So, uh, stoner boy wasn't in his dorm. My guess is he's long gone by now.” Sam sighed.

“He ain't much of a stoner,” Bobby said, picking up a photo of the man in question, the man that Sam saw in Bobby’s head. “His name's Jeremy Frost. Full-on genius. Hundred-and-sixty IQ. Which is saying some, considering his dad took a baseball bat to his head. Here’s Father of the Year.” Bobby handed over a copy of Jeremy’s dad. You sighed and looked at it.

“He died before Jeremy was 10,” Bobby added.

“Looks like a real sweetheart,” Sam said sarcastically.

“Injury gave him Charcot-Wilbrand. He hasn't dreamt since.” Bobby informed.

“That is until he started tripping on the Dream Root.” You sighed.

“How did he know how to dig up your worst nightmare and throw it at you?” Dean asked.

“Hey, he was rooting around in my skull. God knows what he saw in there.”

“Yeah. How'd he get in there in the first place? Isn't he supposed to have some of your hair, your DNA, or something?” Sam asked, confused about that.

“Yeahhhh. Before I knew it was him, he offered me a beer. I drank it. Dumbest fucking thing.” You looked over at Dean to see him uncomfortable with what Bobby just said.

“Oh, I don't know. It wasn't that dumb.” Dean laughed nervously.

“Dean, tell me you didn’t.” You said, sighing.

“I was thirsty?” Dean tried to justify his actions.

“That's great. Now he can come after either one of you.” Sam said angrily.

“Well, now we just have to find him first.”

“We better work fast ... and coffee up. Because the one thing we cannot do is fall asleep.” Bobby said. Great, this thing is going to get worse before it gets better.

It’s been two days and neither Dean or Bobby had been sleeping. You could tell it was getting to him because he was irritable all the time. You still hadn’t found Jeremy or even know where to begin looking. You were running out of time because sooner or later, they were going to have to fall asleep sometime whether by force or not.

“I mean, this Jeremy guy's not a fucking ghost. Where the hell could he be?” Dean asked, driving along the road in the middle of the night. He shouldn’t be driving when he was this tired but he wouldn’t give up.

“Dean, you sure you don't want one of us to drive? You seem a little... caffeinated.”

“Well, thanks for the news flash, Edison!” Dean said angrily. You sighed and suddenly his phone rang. Dean grabbed for it and fumbled with it, clearly frustrated about this whole thing. You sighed and leaned over, grabbing his hand to calm him down. You looked into his eyes and he sighed, handing the phone over to you.

“Please tell me you got something.” You said to Bobby once you picked up.

“Strip club was a bust, huh?” You, Dean and Sam, had taken a lead but Jeremy was nowhere to be found at the strip club.

“Unfortunately.”

“That was our last lead.”

“Come on, Bobby, isn’t there something else? Does Bela have anything?” You asked. Bela was with Bobby right now after he called her for her help. She really wanted to pay Bobby back for saving her life.

“What do you got Bela?” You heard Bobby ask but you didn’t hear her response.

“Well?” You asked your dad.

“She got nothing.”

“Great! Dean is very close to going off the rails,” You said and by the looks of Sam and Dean’s faces, they knew Bela and Bobby didn’t have anything else to go off of. “Just keep trying and call us if you find anything.” You hung up and handed Dean his phone back.

Suddenly, Dean pulled over to the side of the road and turned off the car.

“Alright, that’s it. I’m done.” Dean said, leaning back and resting his head on the back of the car seat.

“Dean, what are you doing?” You asked.

“Taking myself a long-overdue nap.”

“What?! Dean, Jeremy can come after you,” Sam said like he was crazy.

“That’s the idea.”

“Excuse me?” You and Sam said at the same time.

“Come on man, we can't find him, so let him come to me.”

“On his own turf? Where he's basically a God?” Sam asked.

“I can handle it.”

“Not alone, you can’t.” You said, reaching over and plucked some of Dean’s hair right out of his body.

“Ow!” Dean flinched. You handed some to Sam while he got the nasty ass drink ready.

“What are you two doing?” Dean asked, looking at Sam who was busy making the drink.

“We’re coming with you,” Sam said as if it were obvious.

“No, you’re not.”

“Why not? At least then it'll be three against one.”

“Because I don't want you digging around in my head.” Dean grimaced but you rolled your eyes.

“Too bad,” Sam said.

“Dean Winchester there is nothing about you that I don’t already know. Stop being a baby and let us help you.” You said and he sighed, knowing there was no way he was going to get you to change your mind. Sam finished making the drink and handed you a cup of it. You put in Dean's hair and downed the drink coughing a bit at the taste. Sam did the same.

“See you on the other side, boys.” You said, laying in the backseat as you closed your eyes. You could already hear the snores coming from Dean.

“Wake up!” Sam said, hitting your arm. You groaned awake and leaned up, seeing as how you were in the same place as you were before.

“Did it work?” You asked and Sam woke up Dean.

“Jeez. For the love of God,” Dean muttered as he woke up, extremely tired. “What are we still doing here?”

“I have no idea,” Sam said. You looked out the window and heard a noise come from somewhere in the shadows. This was Dean’s head, hopefully, but it was a very dark place to be in.

“There’s someone out there,” Sam said, getting out of the car. You and Dean did the same thing and walked in front of the car, looking around. Suddenly, music could be heard and you saw Dean walking towards the source. You sighed and decided to follow Dean because you didn’t want him to be alone with his own scary thoughts.

You came to a clearing which lit up as the sky brightened. In the middle of the clearing sat Lisa Braden, sitting on a blanket with a picnic basket. Your heart hurt because so far, he was dreaming of Lisa and you hadn’t seen yourself not once.

“Hey. You gonna sit down?” She asked, not noticing you at all. Dean didn’t respond or move, just stared at her. She held a glass of red wine in her hand and she reached for another glass. “Come on. We only have an hour before we have to pick Ben up from baseball.”

“Dean, seriously? You’re dreaming of her?” You asked, making him snap out of it.

“I’ve never had this dream before,” Dean said, looking at you before looking at Sam who was still by the car. You stared at Dean and you knew he was lying. He wouldn’t look as if he could have hope that he could have it. You knew he was lying.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Dean said, looking at you.

“I know you’re lying.” You said, clenching your jaw before looking away.  

“Dean. I love you.” Lisa said and you scoffed, looking back at her. Suddenly, she and the entire surroundings shake before they disappeared. You looked around, not knowing where she went.

“Where did she go?” Dean asked.

“Dean, look,” Sam said, looking to where Sam was pointing. You saw Jeremy standing by the edge of the woods and Sam suddenly took off, making Jeremy run away.

“Okay then…” Dean muttered and when he turned back to see if Lisa was still there, he wasn’t staring at a clearing in the woods, he was staring at wallpaper. You looked around you to see the setting change into a hallway with two doors ahead of you and Dean. You and he walked to the door and when you reached out to open it, you didn’t have to since it opened on its own. You peered inside to see a motel room.

You looked at Dean before walking in, Dean right behind you. You frowned when it looked like the exact one you and the brothers had been staying in. You noticed across the room sat a man at a desk and a woman standing next to him, both of their backs to you. You saw the man clicking the lamp on the desk on and off, the light flickering.

“Jeremy?” Dean asked, not knowing who it was. You didn’t know who the woman was either but you hoped it wasn’t Lisa. The man didn’t answer but kept clicking the light on and off. Suddenly, when the light is on, he turned around and you gasped, seeing Dean but he didn’t look very nice. The woman turned around and your eyes widened when you saw yourself staring back at you.

“Hey, Dean.” Dream Dean said with a smirk.

“Nice to see you, Y/N.” Dream Y/N said to you.

“Well, aren't you a handsome son of a gun.” Dean smiled, trying to make light of the situation.

“What the hell are you dreaming about?” You asked Dean, looking at him.

“We need to talk.” Dream Dean said, making both you and Dean look at him from across the room. Dean walked closer to himself but you just stared at yourself. She looked like you, talked like you but you knew she was different. Something was different about her.

“I get it. I get it. I'm my own worst nightmare, is that it? Huh? Kind of like the Superman III junkyard scene? A little mano y mano with myself?” Dean said to himself, both of them walking towards each other.

“Joke all you want, smart-ass. But you can't lie to me. I know the truth.” They both stopped walking and somehow, they managed to switch places with Dream Dean by you and Dream Y/N by Dean, by the desk.

“I know how dead you are inside. How worthless you feel. I know how you look into a mirror... and hate what you see.” Dream Dean said, trying to rile him up but you wouldn’t let that happen.

“Leave him alone.” You said, making Dream Dean stare at you.

“You think you’re better?” Dream Y/N said and you looked over at her. “You’re no better than Dean.”

“You’re not real.” You said, moving away from Dream Dean but he grabbed your arm, making you stop.

“She’s right. You’re not real.” Dean said mostly for himself because what Dream Dean said was true. That is how Dean viewed himself.

“Sure I am. I’m you.” Dream Dean said, looking at Dean.

“I don't think so. Because see, this is my siesta. Not yours,” Dean said, raising his left hand. “All I gotta do is snap my fingers and you go bye-bye.” Dean snapped his fingers but the grip on your arm stayed there. Nothing happened and Dean’s smile faded as he tried again and then a third time.

“I'm not going anywhere. Neither are you. And Neither is she.” Dream Dean said, pulling you closer to him. Suddenly the motel door slammed shut and locked. You gasped and looked at Dream Dean’s evil look in his eyes as the grip got tighter.

“Ow, you’re hurting me.” You said and Dean was about to go over to himself and knock him out but Dream Y/N grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back to her.

“I don’t think so. You’re not going anywhere.” She said, smirking at you. Why were you acting this way?

“Like I said…” Dream Dean spoke, holding up his left hand in which he held a sawed-off shotgun. “…we need to talk.”

Series Rewrite Junkies:

@helllonearth @amyisabellal @deanwnchstr  @caseykitten6 @roxalya19 @quixoticcat @supernaturalblogging  @notmoose45 @crowleysminion @mina22 @tahbehonest  @oreosatmidnight @seninjakitey @flyonlittlewinchester  @earthtokace @gingersnapped13 @superrandomnatural @my-wayward-heroes @stevetrevorstardis @supernaturallover2002  @teamfreewillsstuff @gucci-daddario @22sarah08 @gh0stgurl  @put-my-favorite-record-on @rhiannonj79 @onlydeanandjensen

[wannawantit-blog]

Kim Jaehwan ↬ (love-hate AU)

p.s yeahhhh boooyyyooooo

“PERFECTLY IMPERFECT” couple

CLUMSY

he is.

you are too.

you can’t have two clumsy idiots together at once. it’s just not right.

but he’s different.

he likes to hang around other people and his clumsiness actually make people laugh.

when you’re clumsy, everyone gets mad at you.

that’s what annoyed you.

how is it that when you two are making the same mistakes, his are funny and okay but yours are wrong and stupid?

as far as he knows, you’re friends with each other.

you have friends, of course, but not as much as him.

he’s popular and loved by everyone.

people don’t exactly like you and you weren’t popular either.

“Jaehwan was totally checking you out this morning.” Your best friend wiggles her eyebrows at you and you just narrowed a hard glare.

“He has a girlfriend.”

“Who? Hae-young?” She snickered at that and I raised an eyebrow at her weird reaction. “You can’t be serious. Haeyoung has been trying to pursue Jaehwan for months but everyone knows he has eyes for someone else.”

“And that is?”

“You.”

your friends have always pestered you about Jaehwan and you never really let it get to you because you refused to believe it was true.

you did like him though.

of course, you will always envy the attention he got, he was always nice to everyone. you can be a little mean when it comes to encountering others.

he never cared.

he would always find ways to come to you if your friends weren’t around and make you laugh.

why would he want a girl like you when he could have anyone else? Is what you always thought.

until one day.

“We’re graduating college soon, y/n. And yet you still haven’t gotten a boyfriend?”

You looked to your best friend who was organizing for the after party of graduation. “No one striked my interest.”

“Not even Jaehwannie?”

“Who?” You laughed at the nickname you had always called him.

She chuckled at you and rolled your eyes. “Speak of the devil and he shall appear.”

you looked up to see Jaehwan running towards the both of you with frantic waves and a too excited smile.

“Hey hotties.” He wiggled his eyebrows mostly to you and your best friend nudged you secretly under the table. “I haven’t seen you guys around lately.”

“You saw us yesterday.” You rolled your eyes at him with a flustered smile and looked elsewhere.

“Anyway, I have a meeting with the club in five minutes so you guys can get some alone time.” You glared at your best friend who only winked before running off.

“Now that we’re alone—“

“Jaehwan, is there something that I don’t know that everyone else does?”

he looked stunned by your question but it was about time you let it out.

everyone looks at you with either anger and jealousy whenever Jaehwan’s around you. your friends have been telling you to pursue him when you haven’t even told them you liked him in that way just yet.

“Jaehwan.” You said seriously noticing the distress on his face. “You are always confident and bubbly when others are around us but when it’s just with me, you tend to seem cautious and nervous. Why?”

“If I told you, you might not like it.”

Now you regretted asking. “And why would I?”

he sat down across from you and pursed his lips now getting a crowd from around us at a distance.

“I really like you, y/n. I know it’s—“

you heard him. loud and clear.

you thought you’d have a heart attack from how fast your heart was racing in your chest right now and you couldn’t even look him in the eye.

but you didn’t enjoy the attention.

everyone looked at you with uncanny disgust. it made you sick.

if this is how it’d be if you were to express your own feelings and the both of you live ‘happily ever after’? you’d rather cry every night regretting than live every day being shamed.

for what?

for something you want for yourself. for being yourself.

you just ran off without a single word to him and just as expected, you regretted it.

you were pressed against the wall of your school panting and frowning trying to withstand the tears but you couldn’t.

little did you know that you ended up crying almost everyday. at home, in the school bathrooms.

you were more depressed than ever now.

at least you didn’t get the attention anymore.

sadly, not even Jaehwan’s.

the graduation ceremony had just ended and everyone was taking pictures with their families.

you wished you looked better for your last graduation but you had to smile it off.

“I’ll catch up with you guys.” You told your family and friends with a kind smile. “I just want to do something before I leave.”

they looked sympathetic and left you by yourself amongst the dispersing crowd.

you sighed and walked away from the ceremonial hall, towards the garden area where surprisingly no one was.

you walked by yourself in your graduation gown, tears falling from your face.

you were probably never going to see Jaehwan again. and now he hates you.

I mean, can your life be any more worse than it is now?

you didn’t even want to think about your future anymore. you have never done anything for yourself. always because you were afraid. afraid of what people were saying, how they looked at you.

you had to sacrifice the guy you ended up falling in love with because of it.

you didn’t want to accept it, but you were gonna have to.

you wiped at your tears and sighed heavily before standing upright to walk back when you tripped over your own feet causing you to land in a soft embrace.

you looked up to see Jaehwan in all his glory, looking down at you with shock and concern.

“I don’t want to be an ice breaker or anything but man this is so cliche.”

You rolled your eyes at him standing back up on your feet. “Sorry.”

“A thank you would’ve sufficed.” He crossed his arms over his chest and cocked his head to the side. “But a sorry is nice too.”

You bit on your lip and wiped at the stray tears you had forgotten about earlier. “I have to go.”

“Like last time?”

You looked up at him, his eyes glossing with hurt and disappointment. You looked around to see that no one was giving you guys any attention.

“I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“For not accepting your confession.”

“You never even let me finish.” He took a step closer and your lips parted. His feet were placed side by side to yours and he grabbed on your waist. “Will you now?”

“I’m not gonna lie. I might cry.”

He chuckled. “I know why you ran. And I know it’s not because you don’t like me.”

“You do?” You looked up with hopeful eyes and he nodded cockily.

“Who would reject a guy like me?”

This mother sucker—

“Kidding!” He placed his arms on your shoulders and pulled you even closer. “If it makes you feel better, I waited till we graduate to do this.”

his lips landed on yours and you didn’t react at all. though you know there were bound to be people looking, you didn’t care anymore.

being in his arms was so right.

and when you kissed back, it felt nice to do something for yourself for a change.

He pulled back and pecked your nose cutely. “How’s the attention now?”

you smiled to him and shook your head whilst leaning your forehead against his.

“Couldn’t even tell.”

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 2 - "Fuck I’m on the cursed tribe" ~Moth

a lil sad to see my girl, Bri, go, but that just makes us one person closer to the goal >:3

dennis is very sneaky. we all had a tribe call and he said he'd come later but he was actually doing the hunt challenge. like that's totally fair, it's just even afterward he acted as if he was not really focusing on it either. im going to play the game assuming he has something, just in case.

GAME AND GAME SHOW ARE DIFFERENT DSJKLFHASJDJFH no but this was hella fun pls let's do it again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hX3Fs7lDDQk&list=PLrsCGcojtF16jvLW49C4855pUlLWI9pnn

Dhsjdjsjskksks. First tribal done. We just finished the taboo challenge ... A good bonding experience with my tribe. However, I have a feeling we lost. 😂😂😂😂😂😂 The fact that I was the guesser. Rip. 

I filmed confessionals but my internet got disconnected hahaha so that's neat. Hopefully there will be youtube videos here soon, but new update Jodi and I are in alliances with Dennis and brayden separately which I think would be hilarious if they were also in am alliance together. And it will be funny it my internet is still out for the challenge tomorrow since I'm the guesser 😆 whoops

So this is the beginning of round 2 and here are my thoughts. Might purposely not be helpful in the taboo challenge lol but i have to do it in a way that doesn't show im throwing it? tbh i say this now but when i start playing the urge to win comes in ugh but i just wanna vote one of these people out. I also took a stroll through the wiki page for this org and i love that some of these people (esp brayden and amy) have played before and their stats are there like yassss give me ammunition yassss!!!! anywho i dont care if we win or lose tomorrow i think i set myself up nicely within the tribe and i still really dont think any of these people won the hunt challenge on my tribe but again who knowssss. if we lose the logic would probably be go for josh or ginny aka the least active people buttt i dont think so like i don't wanna go the boring route. i need to keep josh close to get to merge with him we have friends on the other tribeeeeeee so i need them to survive and i need him and i to survive till we swap or merge to link up. im also trying to win a hunt challenge but my god y'all have me fucked up!!!!!!!!! i guess we shall see what happens tomorrowwwwww

It was nice sitting the challenge out, I'm busy tomorrow and the fact that they could complete it is good for me. Also, if we lose, nobody can blame me for the loss. Only drawback is it appears to me some people can be getting close by bonding over funny things in a game. I have to go back and see who may be close, I don't think I'm next on the chopping block, but I'm definitely not in control. To me, I do not need to be number one on this tribe, I just need to survive the next tribal and hopefully make it to the swap at 14 or 15.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wm_dmPuwzzI&list=PLrsCGcojtF16jvLW49C4855pUlLWI9pnn&index=2 anotha one dj khaled

HEY SO KIND OF A LOT OF DEVELOPMENTS TO MY GAME we didn't lose first challenge!! thats great. whatever. no tribal. I've been trying to connect with fellow tribemates but overall we're all pretty quiet. I did have a small 30 minute call with Jay where we kinda connected on somewhat of a game level. I kinda get the vibe that he may not fully trust me or he might see my as a threat, but I want to work with him. I also really like Anastasia and Elle, I think I can connect with them more on a more genuine level. Perfect scenario for me would be setting up a trio alliance of Me + Elle + Anastasia, and then having Jay on the side as my actual #1. idk if I can pull that off, but that was my plan heading into round 2 BUT. AS ROUND 2 STARTED, MY GAY ASS WON THE HUNT CHALLENGE. AMAZING. idk HOW I managed it because like?? I finished and found the hidden link within like 20 minutes? Statistically very unlikely BUT I'm so glad I did it. I WON A SAFETY WITHOUT POWER. It's kinda like a hidden immunity idol, except slightly worse because I can't actually partake in tribal at all. we went ahead and competed in the Taboo challenge last night and boy it was kinda rough. We lost a LOTTA points because we kept accidentally saying forbidden words (I lost us 2 points, woops). But we ended up with a semi decent score. Elle did an amazing job guessing. I really hope we can pull this out. SO YEAH SORRY THATS KIND OF A LOT. OVERALL I FEEL LIKE IM IN A DECENT POSITION, WAY BETTER NOW THAT I HAVE A SWP. I wanna further my position in the game with some allies now. That's my next biggest goal. toodles!!!

So I've figured out that Amy is a comp beast based on us discussing our old seasons and how she did in those: she always talks down her abilities because she's worried she's being painted as a big challenge threat, but I don't think she realizes that doesn't matter to me at all. Ultimately, I think she needed to be at tonight's challenge more than me, so I decided it's ok to sit out since I'm sitting out only because somebody has to, not because I don't want to play. In tribal challenges, it means she'll help keep us winning tribal immunity, and further down the line, if anything, I'll be using her as my "Ken" and if she wins everything, it'll keep immunity away from people I want out. 

I think I did much better in Taboo than I did in endurance, so I'm happy about that. Hopefully my performance this round can help me redeem myself with my tribemates.

Today in the fools tribe: no one is talking 

Holy crap we won yet again this is such a great feeling just like last season :)

Fuck I’m on the cursed tribe this round This time I think I’m on the majority alliance, which is a great place to be. So hopefully everything goes as planned tomorrow 

https://youtu.be/fszNKUHjB_8

So! We did the Taboo challenge and got second place, probs wouldve got first if we didnt get deductions but also we did so good so whatever 😂. I definitely kinda pushed for us to do the challenge last night bc it's Dylan's birthday and I didn't want to have to like, be anywhere specifically today 😅. But yeah we did super good and now I'm gonna go talk to ppl bc I've been gone all day lol

Bye I hate it here. 

~

SO. Here’s the rundown: We lost. Again. Pushing for Shaad to go. Moth, Jared, and Danny all agree with him going. So far I’m getting good vibes with everyone. Danny says he gets along with Jared well and doesn’t talk to Moth that much. Plus, Jared, Moth and I have that little alliance. Jared and I also get along well. Worried for Moth as she doesn’t seem to message a lot. This tribal... I’m feeling safe. I might even make an alliance with Jared, Danny and I. Worst case scenario for next challenge we lose and Moth goes. 

Yay we won again! Anyways, Dennis messaged me tonight talking about how everybody else knows each other from playing Stings games before. He said he checked the series wiki and got freaked out and told me that we're two newbies amongst vets. While he's telling the truth, I'm actually not too panicked because 1) I actually checked out the wiki before he told me about it and 2) I have pretty decent relationship with Amy to incentivize her to keep me around. I worked tightly with Amy for the specific reason that I knew she'll have others to work with, and for her to keep me as a loyal number. I also know that she was runner up of another series and she already recognizes the target on her, so I doubt she wants to risk me putting a bigger one. WOW FOR ONCE I'M NOT THE FLAMING TARGET I LIKE THIS 

Round 1 updates: https://youtu.be/5nhSsLNcnZ0 https://youtu.be/S5-0Yw93wc0

~

Round two rambles: https://youtu.be/CuwgF9IVmUM

So, tbh I've done some research about some previous seasons and I noticed Moth and Jessica have played together before. Moth still has not talked to me but Jessica has been overly friendly. I know they have a group message with Jared and I know he can be the split vote between what happens in our tribal tomorrow. Jared claims he has voted for Moth but we will truly see tomorrow. But honestly, if he chooses us, then Jessica is next unless the tribe swap or merge has happened.

~

Also with that research, I've peeped there's other connections in other tribes from previous games so this is gonna be interesting.

~

I chose Jared to work with mostly because I see he can play strategy.

Fools tribe is bad at playing games. And its perfect for me because I am safe but i am wishing for drama bcs its fun. rn we are doing small talk and being so nice to each other. I think we will form an alliance officially soon but i am too awkward or like i dont know how to say it or bring it up.

WHY! DOES! MY! TRIBE! KEEP! WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am trying to go the fuck to tribal council but noooo we have to beast all the other tribes yet again. Like a swap is probably coming soon and with my fuckin luck I am gonna get swap screwed like they are gonna look at me from the phantoms and be like yeahhhh theyve been winning lets get his ass out. i would love to lose this next one so the sees look stronger. if phantoms go to tribal I know I''m safe (anything can happen but I set myself up well), and thats all I care about. Jodi and I started to really talk about the vets who are playing this season, and we just realized that we're the only newbies on our tribe. like wow. The fantasy would be to get to merge and have a numbers advantage of newbies against these vets, or make the vets eat their own idk. Lots of thinkin lots of thinkinnnnn. I have been strolling through the wiki page some more and mapping out potential connections from previous seasons. The casting directors work hard but i work harder

https://youtu.be/gsDJIiGiqHE

https://youtu.be/V1ku4_-w0SY

Roses are red We’re on day six Fools tribe worse at challenges than a bag of dead bricks

That im one of the strongest competitors on my tribe, Dennis feels like he is on the outs, but that connects us so i can pull him in as an ally.

It’s been a tricky round 

~~~

Edgic:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: Jodi remains at the top of the tribe for much of the same reason as last round. Now, she is even in two alliances with no one wanting to come for her nor do they see her as playing both alliances. Hopefully Jodi’s quick alliance making and constant worrying will help strengthen her defenses in the later rounds to come when people will be looking at her more closely.

Amy: Amy is still playing that stellar UTR game. No one seems to register her as a threat despite their access to the wiki and her performance in the challenge. Her social game is just too strong. Additionally, her greater willingness to work with Dennis than Jodi’s willingness to work with him may provide some good allies for Amy if she ever wants to distance herself from Jodi.

Brayden: Brayden rises in the rankings from last round as he has become more closely aligned with Amy and Jodi. The trio seem to see themselves as the only “active” ones on their tribe and are very quick to bond. Additionally, unlike Dennis, Brayden is not viewed with suspicion by either Jodi or Amy. They definitely feel more like a core alliance than they did with Dennis. Furthermore, Brayden is poised to get the people he wants gone out of this game. He is targeting Josh and Dennis which are good targets, especially the latter. All it takes is for Brayden to push a little for Dennis and I am sure the two girls will take the bait. Finally, Brayden’s connection with Ginnifer is very beneficial since he seems to be the only one willing to work with her at the moment. This gives him a very easy ally and Ginnifer doesn’t have much of a choice besides working closely with him. It is certainly an easy number for Brayden if he ever wanted to backstab Jodi or Amy in the future.

Josh: What lands Josh here is that he performed well in the challenge and is easy to like. Interacting with Josh on calls is always a pleasure. However, by not being part of that main trio, he is in danger of being voted out on a whim. Despite that, he seems to be, in my eyes, the least likely out of the bottom 3 to be voted out. Additionally, there is paranoia around people’s “experience” with ORGs surrounding these bottom 3 from others (despite the fact that the top 3 is composed of 2 people with ORG experience). Josh gets this heat the least.

Dennis: Dennis is in real danger if this tribe goes to tribal council. If Brayden pushes hard enough, Jodi can be easily swayed into turning on Dennis. He needs to back off with the strategy talk and just be more social. What saves him from last is that he is in that alliance with Jodi and Amy. This might make Jodi hesitant about targeting Dennis so soon as she may see him as a number. Additionally, Amy does seem keen on keeping Dennis around for a little while which would help his longevity. Hopefully Dennis can realize people’s perceptions of him before it is too late considering that he gives great confessionals and is one of my favorite players this season.

Ginnifer: Ginnifer may be on the bottom, but she definitely has a chance at avoiding being voted out. Most talk around Ginny is about how she is hard to socialize with, but I am sure, when the strategic game starts becoming more important, she can navigate out of this position. After all, she does have Brayden advocating for her which can definitely help. She would need to push for Dennis if she wants to survive until the swap at this point.

Fools

Jared: He takes the number 1 spot on this tribe as he is working with both “sides.” He is serving as the perfect double agent for Danny and Shaad. Additionally, he is making the smart move of getting rid of an obvious duo wherein he was the third wheel of that alliance. He has a great strategic mind on his shoulders, but is it too early for him to show that off? Regardless, he has earned this top spot by avoiding the target cleanly and betraying his allies perfectly. Jared is definitely a contender for the winner spot as he has shown some excellent gameplay these past two rounds.

Danny: Danny has done well in avoiding the target this round as well. He seems to be more sociable and active than Shaad which is the main reason that he is not the one getting Jessica’s and Moth’s vote. Additionally, he was the one that brought Jessica’s and Moth’s pre-existing relationship to Jared’s attention which caused this flip to happen in the first place. Finally, Danny made an excellent move by pairing himself with Jared as this duo could be something fearsome to go up against in the future. The cards are being laid out for a force to be reckoned with and I am excited to see what Danny will do in the future.

Shaad: It is hard to tell if Shaad did anything himself to avoid being voted out, but, regardless, he did something right by aligning with Danny and Jared instead of ratting to Jessica and Moth. In fact, even if he does rat, he will still land himself at number 3. He is not going to get voted out here, and has an established alliance moving forward. And now that he is putting more focus on the game, I am happily anticipating what he can accomplish now.

Jessica: Jessica is being blindsided tonight. However, at the very least, she is not the one going. Her performance in challenges have helped her avoid the target for the time being. Here we can see that the boys weren’t inactive, they were just inactive with her which spells doom for Jessica if this tribe goes to tribal council again. Unfortunately, the boys found out about her prior connection with Moth. The only thing Jessica could have done was to distance herself from Moth at the beginning of the game, but that seemed unlikely since people were inactive with her. I hope Jessica is able to survive until a swap because it would be devastating to see her go so early.

Moth: There is nothing Moth did that landed them here. It was just an unfortunate circumstance wherein they are targeted because of a prior connection. Additionally, I doubt Moth is going to see this coming.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: With an advantage in his hands and him being the most popular bachelor on his tribe, Colin is quick to make allies and his allies like it that way. It feels as if everyone wants to ally with Colin. His activity in the earlier stages of the game have definitely born fruit.

Elle: Similar to Colin, everyone wants to work with Elle. Her social game is just that strong. Nothing much else to say besides what I said before, but the challenge definitely helped raise Elle’s standings in the tribe.

Anastasia: Similar to last round. Nothing much to say.

Jay: He is keeping out of the spotlight which is good.

Babs: No developments. Still viewed in the same way though has noticeably been less unhinged in the tribe chat.

Jennifer: Still the same as last time: seemingly inactive and might be targeted for it.

[justalittlemango]

Putting things into perspective.

So.. obviously.. this feels like the worst I’ve felt in a long time or maybe ever. Or, I’m just dissociating like crazy and things feel really wack, but maybe I’ve been through wacker things? I’m not sure. I guess that’s the point of this post to put my thoughts into perspective and compare to past experiences. And with some hope it may make me feel a little more positive about what’s going on right now..

Well, I guess the present moment. Why do I feel wack? I mean, I feel lonely. Even though I’m not, I’m friends with and speaking to quite a few people. Probably the most I’ve ever actually spoken to at any point in my life. So not lonely in terms of friendships, I guess it’s the “love” type of loneliness. Because my boyfriend has gone. I don’t know where. He’s been gone for a while. And it’s affecting me like crazy. Most of this stress and anxiety is being triggered by the thought of him. It all happened quite quickly, a couple months ago he was so clingy and sweet and I’d be the same back. A month after, that all changed completely. It was like the boy I fell in love with had gone. I do blame the meds, but I also blame his lack of accountability. And unfortunately, there were a couple of fallouts, both of us ending up getting hurt. I apologised but got nothing. Nothing at all. Just...ghosted. He came back temporarily for a day or so, but left again. It’s quite wack when someone you felt a new level of love for just disappears.

So yeah.. that’s rough. I’m constantly thinking what he could be doing, how he feels about me and all that. Constantly those thoughts dominate my mind. To the point where it’s disrupted my sleep majorly. I keep stressing in my sleep. Insomnia became a nightly occurrence until I was able to retake control of it more recently. However I’m still waking up in the middle of the night, having distressing dreams, sleep paralysis and all that.. I’m going to assume that’s due to all the stress I’m experiencing. My body doesn’t feel too great either so it’s kind of triggering my health anxiety.

This may also be a part of my seasonal depression because I fucking hate the winter and early dark nights. Feels so depressing. I feel quite isolated. So yes, all those issues in one combination isn’t too great. It doesn’t help that I don’t have a house key here so I can’t really go out early in the day. So I’m stuck inside until it’s night. Oh well, not much I can do anyway.. it is a national lockdown again.. and this lockdown has been the roughest one yet. 10x worse than the one last year. Everything seems so bleak on that front but seems like there may be light at the end of the tunnel soon... I hope.

I think there are some similarities with major negative events I’ve had in the past, such as my first love, when I went to uni in 2016 and whatnot. I mean, the predominant feeling here is loneliness, overthinking and stress. Loneliness always has made me feel ultra shitty in comparison to other things. I hate that I feel lonely since I have so many people to speak to, a lot of friends now.. but it still feels lonely.

So. What’s positive right now? Well.. positive news is that this pandemic seems to be coming to an end (at least here) in a few months. I hope. Positive is that my parents are alive and healthy. I’m currently with my parents right now and I don’t have to worry about money, I don’t have to worry about going grocery shopping or anything like that. I myself, I think, am physically healthy too. My health anxiety tells me otherwise, but I’m trying to just believe it when I feel it yknow? I have friends too that are supporting me. I have a lot of stuff that I would’ve only dreamt of as a kid.. like.. all this technology and a big TV, the only important things to me when I was younger lol.

Money is usually a big stress causer for me, but now I am financially stable and should be good for a while as long as I don’t spend like an idiot. So there’s no need to stress over that at least.

So if I compare this moment to times in the past, maybe I can start being more happy and grateful for what I got right now.

Lets rewind to when I was working as a baker. Having to take a 30 minute train and then a 15 minute bus to the supermarket I worked at. Working those horrid weekend shifts. Having to pick up other people’s pieces because they wouldn’t work as hard as I did. I didn’t like the job mostly because colleagues were lazy and the distance I worked. In all fairness, I hated living in that town. There was nothing to do. It felt trashy and grimey. I hated living there when I decided to move there. I was in a relationship that didn’t feel like it was really working out, but held on anyway. It never did get better really. So.. things in reality weren’t better. It felt nice to get a paycheck. But I remember the stress of public transport, the mixed shifts, not knowing what I’m coming into.. et cetera. So things weren’t as good back then.

Fast forward to summer 2018. I mean, I won’t bother here, summer 2018 was one of the most fun time periods I had. Even winter 2018 was fun despite getting robbed. But it was fun going to Coventry a lot, all the bars/gay clubs around there. Going to Pride. Winning free tickets to Comic Con. Integrating with the Splat community on Twitter, feeling so welcomed and happy. It was the best I had felt for a long time.

Summer 2019. Things got dull! Surprise surprise. Health anxiety was still a new concept to me, so when I did have panic attacks, I would go to A&E. I remember those experiences and how awful it felt, especially just being told it was anxiety. That was a frequent worry for me back then. Another worry was my depression. I felt stuck. Still hated living in that town. Nothing to do. Bored. Working long hours. Not too great pay. Having to cover my colleague and doing that wack warehouse job. Having to deal with annoying customers. The stress of all that would be so bad. I remember being sad because I didn’t have enough time in the day to do my hobbies. Arguing with my ex-bf over who’s doing the dishes and cooking etc. I felt like a zombie in that job. Only thing keeping my head up high was my upcoming trip to Canada, quitting my job, moving out and starting university. I didn’t even really have friends at all back then.. I had my one friend, Drop. I didn’t have anybody else necessarily... imagine that now.. though that has happened at points in 2020 too. So yeah, summer 2019 was arguably worse. Mostly with the situation I was in. Dead end job. Stressed. No time. Hated that town. Lonely.

A bit further back.. September 2016 to Early 2017. This was shit. I hated uni. I didn’t get on with my flatmates. My anxiety held me back so much. I felt like such a mess. I was drinking almost everyday to cope. I blew so much of my money. I didn’t go to any lectures. I felt like a failure because I wasn’t attending. Not making friends either. Just in my room doing jack shit. Relationship didn’t feel great either. So I dropped out a couple months later, found a rather unpleasant message said about me in a group chat, and uh yeah, that made me feel wack XD though.. I can’t blame them, I was isolating myself for legit no reason. I also received lovely news that I had a debt needing to be paid off since I dropped out, and it was one I had to pay instantly. I had no choice but to sign on at the job centre and claim jobseeking welfare. It didn’t go well. I slept over some appointments and got penalised. I then left the jobcentre and extended my overdraft to help cover time for my debts. I then went to a different jobcentre. Took me a couple months but then I got my baker job. I just need to remember how horrible that was. I felt like such a mess. A no-hoper. I was partying and going out with my welfare money and a bit of my ex’s money lol (with him of course!) so yeah. That was an extemely difficult situation to escape. It felt impossible to find a job that wanted me. I was grateful for the job I got. Until it got shitty.

And now... fast forward to 2020. The last time I was at my parents house was summer 2020. It felt really strange coming back here for Christmas with all that happened over the summer. I broke up with my ex-bf. It felt like a relief weirdly. I fell in love with a lad that I felt so heavily for. It went well until we would fall out. He and I did break up around July 2020, and then I met somebody who comforted me and made me feel good. But that didn’t last, since I didn’t “love” him and he did for me. So I ended that around Sept 2020. And then, when I started uni for a couple months, that was also one of the worst times I had. I felt lonely. Lost a lot of the friends I made this year (almost all.) My ex-bf was bringing his lad over and having fun and that made me feel weird. Dealing with being single was stressful. I was drinking to cope once again. And yeahhhh...

How I feel right now is similar to Sept 2020 feels when I started uni. Just stressed. Overthinking. Lonely. Wanting to drink a lot. But I won’t let myself abuse alcohol like that. I think I’m coping well for how shitty I feel.. I mean not all the time I feel like this.. but a lot of days I do. But.. at least I am getting on with my work. I am attempting to do my workouts and my Spanish stuff, as well as my portfolio stuff too. Also keeping up contact with a lot of friends. Pushing myself outside my comfort zone. Not being scared to VC friends anymore. I have come quite a long way.

I just need to fix my sleep. And to do that, I need to stop thinking about him. My brain is just so confused about him. One time I will love and miss him, other time I won’t care and want to meet other people. And I’m not really sure how to maintain a dominant side, if that makes sense? The side I would like to stick to is just thinking he’s a time-waster, he’s ghosting me to try and remain distant and that I should just move on... I try my hardest to keep that in my head, but despite all that, whenever I see old messages or pictures, my soft sensitive side comes out again. I really don’t know how to tackle it. THe thing is, I need to tackle it otherwise I will continue to be stressed and not be able to sleep like a normal human again (and god knows I was a normal human before... smh)

I want to retain my view that he’s no good for me, that I deserve better etc.. but it’s like, the meds messed him up.. but why wasn’t he open about it with me? Why did he get so distant from him.. why did he react so bad to my concerns.. why can’t he communicate with me? And now why is he ghosting me rather than sorting it out? Does he want it sorting? Is he wanting to move on? So many questions and unfortunately I just don’t know. Maybe I need to just put my foot down here.

Easier said than done, but if I put my foot down and keep telling myself I deserve better. Listen to what Drop says, I do deserve better and that he is not well, and that the boy I fell in love with is no longer around. He’s gone. Instead, there is a dark shadow of his former self that is ghosting me. I gotta keep reminding myself that there will be better people out there for me. People who won’t treat me like this. And that, as much as I feel bad that the meds did this to him, I can’t respect how he treated me. He’s made me feel all this shit. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care to reply to me. He made a rude remark about my anxiety in a public forum. He’s manipulative. Think about it.. he’s there, he could easily message me, it takes 5 seconds, but it’s CLEAR as ICE that he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t care to do it. And that should be enough for me to put my foot down and remember that he is no sweetheart. He’s not the Dylan I fell in love with, period.

I think if I keep telling myself this, I can do it. I just need to remind myself that I deserve better. It’s not normal to be treated like this, and that honestly it’s a good thing this all happened before him and I met. On the plus side, I could do something with that £250 I was saving to go see him.. I gotta stop being sensitive. I am way better than this. I gotta remember what my mom said too. Mom always knows better. I was a fighter with all the problems I had when I was younger. I shouldn’t let this present shit bring me down. I’m way better than this!

I’m too good for that kind of treatment. I know my worth. I know my values. And now I know his. And yet here I am losing fucking sleep and stressing over him! Imagine!! Well, I want February to be different. Jan was shit. Feb I hope to be better. I will not think about him as much. I just got to remember that he has disrespected me and treated me like trash. I am no longer going to feel bad. He needs to grow up and take some responsibility. I don’t care if this sounds harsh, this is truly coming from the heart. I know for a fact I didn’t deserve the backlash I got from him. Yeah.. maybe I’ll try that. I should try to avoid the habits I tend to do.. like checking his Discord... or his twitter.. or his Switch activity and that. Avoid looking at my twitter cover also. I wish at this point I could just remove him from my bio and cover but I don’t want to fully break.. or do I? I mean.. how can I hold a relationship with someone who acts like this? So yeah. I need to treat this like a breakup.. an official breakup. And that he and I broke up a month or so ago when he decided to ditch me. I shouldn’t feel bad.

And remember the positives: my parents are alive and healthy, I’m with them right now! And that I don’t have to worry about money. No money problems! Not having to worry about groceries either. All I gotta do is my uni work. Pace myself. And I can try find time to do my workouts and Spanish at some point soon. We gonna have a good time Kurt. 

[violenceeisgolden]

Tmi/tw/an update

Had such strong cravings for alcohol/such strong urges to say "fuck my health, I'm already fucked, lets fucking lose all this weight you gained in recovery, buy some adderall and vodka and allllll the opiates in the world and at least enjoy however many shitty yrs you have left" except like ???? Okay, so my private insta kept !! Getting !! Fucking deleted !! Idk why, like yeahh i bitch about my drug problems and my mental illness but i have never shared a triggering picture? Meanwhile all these accts with people fkn shooting up are still up? Huh what a concept So anyway, i was thinking of making a side blog. Or i could just vent on here i guess but posting on my side blogs sounds safer. Damn. Been out of the Tumblr world for a while now. Anyway, since it's quite clear that I don't care about a fkn thing anymore... lemme give you all a lil update on the joke that is my life. This one's gonna be EPIC. So. Uh. First things first... I made it five days without any form of any opiate in my system. I did not eat anything in those 5 days. (Wanna lose weight?! Just get addicted to painkillers and develop crohns, then quit your painkillers cold turkey!!! You'll drop 10 lbs in a week!) I did not keep many fluids down, aside from the days when i was in the hospital. I was shitting and puking blood by the fourth day, because my body had nothing left in it to get out. I still smell like the stench of withdrawal - aka, overpowering body odor, desperation, sadness, guilt... etc. On the fourth day, my "stool" was nothing but black and blood.. I knew my potassium was low, not including sodium, etc. Was starting to get chest pains. Blah blah blah. IST was acting up. Whatever. I knew I had no choice but to go to my shitty hometown clinic (and... yeah i hate NOTHING more than that fucking place). Luckily, I got this cool 1st shift dr who appreciated my extensive knowledge of my esophageal and colonic conditions. She also gave me morphine. But I mean, 4mg through an IV is like... nothing. But.. that fucking rush. Whenever I get IV narcotics in hospitals, it's a nice reminder for me to forever stay tf away from needles. Anywhoooo Moving along. So i got some fluids/potassium, two of my veins are dead now (not even bc of drug use, as i stated above.. legitimately because I've had one too many IVs placed or wtf ever) so they had to stick me a million and one times and i was like :))))) yeahhhh keep causing more pain guys because ya know. I can just fucking take it obviously!!! And then.. this bitch drops the bomb that i realllyyyyy have been hoping was NOT true for like... ya know... a fucking year... that... okay fuck it, you guys all know i am a shit person anyway, lets add onto it.. anyway yeah. I have herpes. And my HPV is progressing. Still dunno about those cancerous cells bc no one tells ME ANYTHING but she said i have a severe pelvic infection that is travelling towards my liver. So they're like "lets do a REALLY intense course of antibiotics" and im like ??? Fucking a man im getting mad just writing this all out. Anyway i was like uhm. How tf am i supposed to keep down antibiotics when i CAN'T EVEN KEEP DOWN WATER THAT IS WHY I'M FUCKING HERE JFCCCC. And they were like "yeah we're aware but you legit do not have a choice" bc yeah, don't want my liver to go downhill (I've been such a lil fuck to my drs lately.... could not care less tho bc they deserve my bluntness) so i called my new case worker (she is super chill, super gay, lets me swear and call my drs fuckers as much as i want, which is dope) and basically explained, she said she's gonna try and get me back on subs legally so i can at least nourish myself and keep my health up (ill still be in pain but I'm learning that id rather have my body not slowly dying and be in pain... what a cool sacrifice. I also was like... "Hey yeah no hospital is gonna admit me rn... and my health is worse now than it was in '14 when i weighed 60 lbs less so like... I'm going to use street subs. Or opiates in general. For a few days. So i can get my electrolytes back somehow... also did i mention i have herpes? *bawling ensues* anywhooo... Just thought I'd let you know." And she was like "Fair enough. You need to eat." And i was like okay cool tell my dr and his bitchy nurse that usually replies to my messages bc i do not need anymore fucking stigma rn .. okay? Tyvm" so that was.. that i guess. So yeah. I used. On day 5. And... i didn't even truly fucking want to. That's the worst fucking part of this whole fucked up bullshit... I WANT TO PROVE EVERYONE WRONG AND SHOW THEM THAT I CAN DO THIS. And i could have. If it wasn't for my poor health... i fucking could have. And I'm gonna tell that to my pdoc when I see him. But you know what? I fucking ate. I kept down a loooottttt of liquids. Opiate wds technically cannot kill you. And the thing is... I've been through the "near fatal" ones (booze and benzos)... but I always caught my alcohol dts super fast, got treated and then away i went. But no. Opiate withdrawals will not be dangerous~~~..... to a person who is in decent health. I say decent bc lbs if you're using them either legally or illegally, something is already prob wrong lol. I remember a story that my ex sponsor who is now a good but distant friend (who relapsed, and when she relapsed, we became close lol shes sober now tho dw) told me once about opiate dts... she said one of her friends was so dehydrated, malnourished, etc... that he almost did die. And it took him almost dying for anyone to take him seriously. And, as I was laying in that miserable hospital bed... I remembered that. Opiate wds cannot kill you, but you're gonna wanna a) kill yourself, because it's honestly fucking easier that way (or so your mind will tell you) and b) if you're in poor health... try and find a detox center/hospital that will take you. ASAP. On tuesday... fuck i lost my train of thought... (in other news, i now have a promethazine script and... boy oh boy lol probably the best non naroticc/not scjeduled drug I've ever gotten my grubby lil hands on)... yeah idk that's all I publicly got rn. If you actually read all this... 👀 @ you, Ashley, bc ik you're the only one who reads my shit on here anymore (love you for that, btw 💜)... but yeah if you read this all, you guys are the real MVPs... I'm gonna start using one of my private blogs on here. Mainly because..welll...its fucking private and also really enjoy the fact that i saved the URL "clonqz3pain" so... yeah that's all I got. Hope you all are doing better than me.

[wnightingales]

I hope you dont mind if i just flood ur askbox! Ur honestly my fav ow imagine blog! (๑>◡

 STAHP YOU’RE TOO NICE I SWEAR THERE ARE BETTER OW IMAGINE BLOGS

McCree:

Older Jesse has more control of himself, but I think Blackwatch Jesse would not hesitate to get physical if one of the other agents was giving him a hard time. Growing up in a gang environment kinda makes that normal.

“Jesse!” “Not now, sugarplum,” he’s gritting his teeth when you try to stop him verbally. The boy arguing with him is grinning smugly, and curious bystanders have started to notice, as it’s definitely going to end up getting physical.

So you decide to step in before that can happen. But neither you nor McCree were counting on the fact that you stepped between the two boys exactly when Jesse was taking a swing. He hesitated enough at the sight of you to where he only pushed you rather than sock you in the face, but that didn’t stop him from giving his opponent a good one.

After speedily giving the other boy a bloody nose, Jesse is kneeling right beside you, all apologies and sweet nicknames. “Darlin, i’m sorry, I-I won’t fight again-” a pause. “Okay I can’t promise ya that but ya can’t do that again sweetheart!” You’e not mad at him; it was an accident, after all! But he feels absolutely horrible and buries his face in your hair once he helps you to your feet. 

“If you stop getting into fights, you won’t have to worry about that ever happening again, you know.” “…Y/N, shut it and let me kiss ya.”

Gabriel Reyes: 

MY HEART IS HURTING BECAUSE I INSTANTLY SEE THE AGENT HE IS ARGUING WITH AS JACK. I JUST. HE’S THE ONLY ONE I CAN SEE GABE GETTING MAD ENOUGH TO TAKE A SWIPE AT…

You, being a friend to both of them, also have a pang in your heart seeing them go at it again. So you decide to do something about it since you’re there.

“Gabe,” you say his name as you approach. Jack hears you, and looks behind Reyes’ shoulder to see you. He looks away guiltily. Gabe, however, didn’t hear you, and takes Jack shifting focus as a sign he’s not listening.

“And there you go! Ignoring me again, just like how you did when you took the damn position!” Those words send you into action. You know how much Jack surpassing him hurt Gabriel. You’d stayed up at night soothing him countless times. Your goal was to stand between them and plead with Gabe to calm down, but just as you reached them he shot his hands out in an attempt to shove Jack.

Jack is the one to help you up. Reyes is still shocked, and looks at his hands in horror that they had hurt you. You whisper to Jack that you’re able to handle things from here, and he reluctantly leaves the two of you. “Gabe.” He doesn’t look up. You sigh, stepping forward and cupping his cheek as he stares at the floor. He lets you, but doesn’t make any moves himself. You take the initiative and pull him into your arms. Only then does he respond, wrapping his arms around you and holding you tightly to express both his remorse and his need for you in his weak state.

Solder: 76:

It’s kinda funny; young Jack would be able to keep his cool, but 76 can be ticked off enough to tousle. He’s not the golden boy he used to be.

It takes a whole lot for Jack to lose his cool, though, so this person would have to be doing/saying some seriously bad shit. Like, really bad. Bad enough where I’m sure you end up being just as pissed as your lover is.

But you also know that arguing with this person won’t get you two anywhere, so after thinking on what the best course of action would be, you head over. But you got there as Jack pushed the guy with a growl.

They pumped super soldier stuff into him years ago, so a shove from Morrison can send anyone tumbling. Both you and the asshole that he meant to hit fall onto the floor, with you quickly sitting up and rubbing a spot on your head.

76 is beside you in seconds, speedily helping you to your feet before pulling you away without so much as a word to the other human he knocked over. Once you two are far enough away, he practically tears his visor off and kisses you, running his thumb across your cheek as he does so. “I’m sorry…I let my anger get the best of me back there.” He rests his forehead against yours, and when you tell him you’re not angry he just chuckles and wonders what he did to deserve someone like you.

Hanzo:

(◕д◕✿) This request is turning out a lot more angsty than I thought it would be…

I can only see him going as far as physical blows with Genji. If anyone else bothered to start anything with him, he’d be able to simply walk away and meditate on his thoughts to let the anger fade away. But considering his voice lines to Genji in-game…yeahhhh.

Hanzo doesn’t see Genji as his brother anymore. Er, at least, not the cyborg one, anyway. His Genji died years ago, and his guilt won’t allow him to accept another. So, it’s likely the two would be in a spat because the younger one tried to reconnect with Hanzo yet again. 

“You are not the Genji I knew!” “You are not the Hanzo I knew, either, brother. We have gro-” “You are no brother of mine.” A statement, spoken as though it were fact. It was this that alerted you to their current conflict, and at his shout you quickly made your way over.

Genji is reaching out to put a hand on his brother’s shoulder when you get close. In a flash Hanzo’s eyes are narrowed, and he tries to shove the cyborg away. …But you take the blow, not wanting either Shimada hurt.

And you may have saved Hanzo from physical injury, but the minute he sees you lose your footing his emotions are a wreck. There is so much guilt swirling through him, and it’s just worse with the extra that being around Genji entails. Speaking of which, he left you two, knowing Hanzo needed a moment with you. The archer is just kind of stuck in a stupor as you pull yourself to your feet. “Hanzo..?” He blinks and looks at you, the emotional whirlpool evident in his eyes. You take his hand in yours softly. “It’s okay.” At the sight of your warm smile, he pulls you to him and settles his head on your shoulder, breathing in your scent to calm himself down as you reach up to run your fingers through his hair. 

Sombra:

Sombra seems to me the type to brush off any harsh words said in her direction. If someone were to actually upset her, I think they’d have to be talking negatively about a cause she’s passionate about or a person she cares for.

Say someone was talking shit on omnics or something. I believe she likes them, especially after her Los Muertos days. So if someone didn’t shut up after she told them to shut their mouth, then she’d actually be bothered to argue. 

The few times Sombra gets heated, she get heated. Like, burning. She can completely flame people’s lives in seconds. And while you agree that this person is a dick, you don’t need Sombra causing a scene and attracting attention to herself. You know she wants to avoid that, so you chose to stop her before she could regret anything later.

She was getting awfully close to this guy, and he was being a jerk. “What, you’re gonna hurt me? Psh, just try.” “You asked, gilipollas.” You know you don’t have enough time to stop her when you get there, so instead you jump between them, taking your girlfriend’s shove rather than letting the dude do so. 

“Y/N!” This just makes her more pissed at the guy, but for your sake she leaves him with only a glare before attending to you. “Lo siento, Y/N…” She helped you up, but kept her gaze from yours in a sheepish display of guilt. It was actually kinda cute, and you smiled at her as you said it was fine and that you weren’t hurt. No one meant for that to happen, least of all her. At your response she sighs with a smile of her own, before laughing softly and shaking her head. “I am lucky you’re mine.” “Very lucky,” you joke and she can’t help but laugh and kiss your nose. You’re such a cutie!