#yes I just edited a photo but it looks smashing

[applebinnie]

▶︎ˏˋ I choose you! >< ´ˎ˗

𖦹 texts w bf!Seunghan ! 𖦹 masterlist

ᯤ soft pokemon lover bf! seunghan ᯤ

→ hong seunghan may look like the usual cold and curt blockmate, but as his girlfriend, you say otherwise. because how can such man have such adorable interests?

warnings: no plot, just these two big babies bickering bcs I like them like that and yes the last photo is edited PLEASE don't come for me (tghat is not super smash bros btw, that's pokemon s&v) also this is so bad it's my first time writing texts saur sorry (´^｀；)

▬ι═══ﺤ モンスターボール ! Ϟ(๑⚈ ․̫ ⚈๑)∩

▬ι═══ﺤ モンスターボール ! Ϟ(๑⚈ ․̫ ⚈๑)∩

thank you for reading! as always, reblogs and likes are appreciated! ik this is mid it's my first text au i'm sawrry (｡╯︵╰｡) comments are always welcome, and asks are open too! love you all lovies mwah! ~

-val 🧸

[heeseung-min]

[13:04]

Sidekick

That's what his friends called him whenever you are with him. They saw how he was took for granted by you. But, he denied it harshly when they said he should not interact with you anymore. That it is unhealthy at this point to be with you.

You love him, you said it everyday and he knew you were saying the truth.

You will not lying to him.

Right?

"Heeseung, come on. We have proof that she is cheating. Look, Jungwon caught this."

Heeseung stared at the clear picture of you and Yeonjun were kissing. He felt hurt. He didn't want to accept this. The photo must been edited. No way you will do this to him. You said you love him.

"No, this...this probably other girl. Probably Jungwon got mistaken."

"FOR FUCK SAKE!! Goddamn it, Heeseung. How long are you gonna denied this??! The picture is fucking clear yet you wanted to act blind? She doesn't love you!!! She's cheat-"

Heeseung only saw red around him. He punched his bestfriend, Jay few times until the male is too weak to stop him. He felt betrayed that Heeseung care more on you than him.

"She loves me. She will not leave me and I will not leave her."

----

----

You were cooking two pack of ramen. Today has been the most tiring day and you need lot of foods. It could be more fun if you can eat your mum's cooking. Living alone sometimes has disadvantage.

You turned off the stove at the same time you heard knock from the door. Quickly, you walked to open it while wondering who will be on your door at midnight.

"Hee...Heeseung...."

His existence quite shocked you but what's more shocking was his clothes stained with blood. The strong iron smell made you uneasy and want to puke.

"What are you-"

"It's not true, right?"

"What?"

He stepped closer and you stepped back from him. This sight of him terrified you so much. You yelped when he suddenly cupped your cheeks with his bloodied hands.

"You only love me, right? You only love and not someone else and totally not Yeonjun, right?"

"Heeseung, what are you doing? What happened to you?"

He now changed his position to kneel in front of you holding your legs so you can't run.

"I went to Yeonjun and asked him because I knew you will not betray me but- but he kept provoking me. He kept saying I should left you because I am not worth it to you. He is such an asshole so I don't have a choice but to kill him. I know you are not cheating on me with that bastard."

He rested his head on your thighs while you went speechless on what he said just now. You looked to your left there was a vase. Quite big and enough to knock person out. But, instead of taking it and smash Heeseung's head, you peeled away yourself from Heeseung and hugged him closer.

"You love me. I knew it you love me not him."

"Yes, I love you so much, Heeseung."

The smell of iron is not bothering you anymore as he snuggled himself on your neck seeking for comfort.

"Don't leave me. I will do anything for you. Just please don't leave me."

People can call him sidekick or anything they want. Heeseung doesn't care about that. What matters is you and him together.

"Alright, Heeseung. I will not leave you anymore."

After all, he is sidekick that worships you.

Ohooo hehe okay did you guys notice the bite me lyrics🤭😂 I hope you guys enjoy this. Please give lots of love😼😼I will do my best to help you enjoy the story

Taglist: @cyberpinkx @stacey-stonem @duolingofanaccount

[jahayla-parker]

hiii! Hope ur okay. I’m so happy to see you’re back being more active!

can I request a Freddy Carter and his sister reader pls? thank u! x

Hi!!! Thank you lovely! I’m starting to feel a bit better 🥰

Here ya are!

Comedic Carters: Freddy Carter x Sister!Reader

Description: SMAU, Freddy and his sister engage in more playful banter via Instagram.

Warnings: jokes and playful ‘insults’

liked by freddycarter1, yourbffname, amitasuman_, and 662, 916 others

yourusername: partners in crime 😘

view all 54,789 comments

freddycarter1: 😑 we talked about you leaving the house with no trousers on

yourusername: har har you’re soo funny 🙄

carolinemford: gorgeous girls ❤️

yourusername: thanks Car 🥰

yourbffname: damn right 😎

freddycarter1: Why are you doing a photoshoot in a parking garage?

yourusername: Why are you still here? Get off my post 😑

freddycarter1: I will when you edit the photo to show you with trousers on, smh. You’d think at your age you’d know you have to be fully dressed when going out

yourusername: You’re older than me Freddy 🤨 besides, I have shorts on thank you very much; now leave ✌️

freddycarter1: shorts typically go past your bum y/n y/m Carter 🫣

carolinemford: Freddy, leave your sister alone, she doesn’t need your bantering on her Instagram

freddycarter1: @/carolinemford darling, I love you but I don’t need her post on my Instagram 💁🏻‍♂️

carolinemford: Freddy

freddycarter1: fine… it’s a decent photo of you and y/f/n. 🙄

yourusername: I know 👸🏻

liked by carolinemford, yoursername, amitasuman_ and 874,256 others

freddycarter1: pov: your face when you find out they’ve canceled season 3 of Shadow and Bone…

view all 134,354 comments

yourusername: we riot tonight!

amitasuman_: 💔

yourusername: That face though 😬

freddycarter1: pretty smashing bloke huh?

yourusername: Let’s just say that I’m very glad @/carolinemford was drunk enough to say yes when she did 😝

carolinemford: lmao y/n, be nice

lbardugo: 🖤

liked by carolinemford, freddycarter1, amitasuman_ and 743,992 others

yourusername: 🦋

view all 234,981 comments

yourbffname: mwah, you’re so beautiful

freddycarter1: It was so tempting to shove you in

yourusername: @/carolinemford wouldn’t let you 😌

freddycarter1: 🙄

carolinemford: 💙 I have the prettiest sister in law

yourbfname: wow darling! 😍 you’re so gorgeous you made me forget my pickup line

freddycarter1: @/yourbfname who are you & why are you flirting with my sister? 🧐

yourusername: @/freddycarter1 Freddy!

liked by carolinemford, yourusername, kittheyounger, and 783,526 others

freddycarter1: Happy Birthday my darling ❤️

view all 278,329 comments

yourusername: and here we have the stunning birthday girl, looking gorgeous as always 😍 meanwhile my brother is looking in the wrong direction 🤦‍♀️

freddycarter1: Neither of us were looking at the camera 🙄

yourusername: Yes but, I get why Car’s looking at something else, however you had your radiant wife right there and yet you’re looking elsewhere smh. 👎

carolinemford: lol I love you @/yourusername ❤️

amitasuman_: I love this photo!

kittheyounger: Happy birthday Caroline!

carolinemford: Thank you my dear ❤️

liked by freddycarter1, yourbfname, amitasuman_ and 875,238 others

yourusername: How did I manage to land a modeling gig with @/vogueuk?! 🤩

view all 158,257 comments

amitasuman_: wowww ❤️

freddycarter1: killing it sis, but the real question is did you manage to not trip in those heels? 😏

yourusername:… I may have … I may not have.. I don’t think it’s any of your business

carolinemford: @/yourusername ignore him sweetie, we can make him try to wear a pair and see how hard it can be 😉

yourbffname: @/carolinemford I’m here for this!

vogueuk: we’re excited to have you on the team!

yourbfname: Good thing I just bought life insurance cause you made my heart stop 😘

freddycarter1: keep it in your pants mate

carolinemford: @/freddycarter1 Leave him be 🤦‍♀️

liked by carolinemford, yourusername, freddycarternews and 732,875 others

freddycarter1: Little preview of my upcoming project: Recursive Dreams.

view all 188,237 comments

yourusername: I suppose I’m very excited for this.. but I do still miss Kazzzz 😟

freddycarter1: So do I ☹️

carolinemford: ❤️

freddycarternews: This looks great!

yourusername: Why do you keep getting cast in these types of roles?

freddycarter1: Because I’m talented, obviously

yourusername: hmm no, that can’t be it 😝

kittheyounger: can’t wait for more information mate!

liked by carolinemford, freddycarter1, amitasuman_ and 774,250 others

yourusername: Can’t tell if my friends love it or hate it when I get a new camera & have to photograph everything to try it out

📸: @/yourbfname

view all 134,354 comments

freddycarter1: you got a new camera without consulting me?

carolinemford: @/freddycarter1 she’s a big girl Freddy lol 🤣

freddycarter1: @/carolinemford it’s just rude is all I’m saying

yourbffname: It’s a mix, but as long as I look good in the test photos it’s fine 😉

yourusername: shut up, you always look good 😘

tommyae: I miss you, come visit soon? ❤️

yourusername: miss you too! unlike someone else’s behavior in my comment sections, this is the correct brotherly response 😊

freddycarter1: The difference is I see you all the time @/yourusername

yourusername: @/freddycarter1 Lucky you 😌

liked by carolinemford, yourusername, tommyae, and 975,236 others

freddycarter1: I’m a pretty princess 👑 #butmysisterisprettier

view all 225,916 comments

carolinemford: the prettiest princess there ever was 😘

yourusername: hmm, not bad.., but you need to learn to accessorize more; really make that crown pop ✨

freddycarter1: omfg how did you get into my account?! Yn! @/yourusername

yourusername: I have no idea what you’re talking about Freddy.

yourusername: It’s rude to accuse someone without cause you know 😢

yourbfname: The Carter family truly is full of pretty princesses 🤣

yourusername: we are huh? Thank you babe 😘

amitasuman_: This is great 💀

Taglist: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @missdreamofendless @nikfigueiredo @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @alex-kazbrekkersimp @opheliaofficial07 @historynerd77 @el-de-phi

Freddy Carter Navigation

Kaz Brekker Navigation

My Main Masterlist (All My Works) Navigation

[sailorsenshishitposter]

Otacon x Reader

Warning

Highly cursed at the halfway point. Spoilers for End of Evangelion and I wouldn't recommend that sane people watch it just to try to understand what the hell is going on. Yes there are parts where people turn into orange liquid followed by screams and upbeat happy music about suicide. Also do not look up the hospital scene for this movie (which it is infamous for). You have been warned.

_______________________________________

Otacon

Your smash main is Snake, you're a weeb or you fall in love easily and are used to being hurt by others.

First Date:

None. This man is busy raising a child with Snake.

Second Try:

The two of you meet on a fan board and quickly exchange numbers. Soon he invites you over to his house for a date. You asked where he lived but he said he would prefer to pick you up. You wait outside until you feel what seems to be an earthquake. You go to run but then you look into the sky. "IS THAT A GIANT ROBOT!" The "vehicle" pulls up and sure enough, Otacon is waiting for you. "Good evening. You look wonderful..." He then handed you a bouquet of flowers and you came inside.

Man, he really was an otaku. His home consisted of a bedroom that was really more like a storage space, a bathroom and a kitchen. "Make yourself comfortable, I'm going to bring some refreshments." You looked around for a spot to sit down, his room being like that one photo of Yoshihiro Togashi but notably much cleaner. The walls were stacked from the floor to the ceiling. You would have to tell your date that piracy was also an option. Most of it was just anime so you knew better than to touch it.

There was a small CRT and just about every console you could think of. Even the bad ones.At the far end of the room was a computer. You didn't really understand how that stuff worked but you figured his setup must be very expensive since all you had was Windows 95. You saw a purple creature on the desktop. "What's a bonzi buddy?

"You then noticed that Hal had come back. "I brought you a bento and some pocky. Only the best for my little waifu." He then blushed and turned the television off. "Sorry. I forgot that I was playing Policenauts on my Saturn earlier.."He then asked Alexa to play his spotify playlist which consisted of nothing but Hatsune Miku.

After you were finished eating, he took you by the hand. "Allow you to show you my prized collection." He brought you to his glass stand filled with various figures. It had a little bit of everything. Transformers, all the Gundams, some Code Geass. Even this weird one he called Zone of the Enders? "Yeah, I'm a huge fan!" He then looked around to see if the almighty Mr. Kojima was watching."

But this... This is my favorite." It was a giant build of EVA 01. "I never knew you liked Evangelion..." He then pulled out a copy of End of Evangelion. "Would you like to watch it with me? I have the renewal edition..." You gazed into his eyes and kissed him. "Wow..." He then turned on his hello kitty DVD player and inserted the disc.

The two of you started frenching during the komm susser tod sequence. You began to stroke him while the lyrics "It all returns to nothing" played. "Looks like someone's snake is solid..." He then thought to himself while the screams of those being turned into orange juice could be heard. "It's just like one of my Japanese amines!" You gave one final pull, yelling "It all CUMS TUMBLING DOWN, TUMBLING DOWN, TUMBLING DOWN"

________

Having finished, Hal shut off his VR machine. Ever since David had left him to go on a date with a woman, he hadn't felt the same. He thought back to when he asked him if love could bloom on the battlefield and then started to sob into his arm. "WHY DOES EVERYONE I LOVE LEAVE ME!?" Little did Snake know but Otacon had created a program where he could be with him in a dating sim. He would later sell it on steam and become as rich as Snake did from the fortnite cameo, bringing him into the spotlight. They would later get back together and become the ultimate power couple.

[brighter-by-the-daly]

Rachel Daly x Reader

Child’s Play

Posted: 16/04/23 Edited: 09/07/23

It was the day of the second round of the Arnold Clark Cup. The squad aren’t allowed their phones before the game so you were anxiously scouring social media to find out where Rach was going to be playing, if at all. She came off the bench up front the last game and you know how much it means to her to be up front for her country. She lies and says she’s happy to play anywhere, which is true but what she really wants is to be a striker. The squad list was announced as you were making your way into the stadium but you still couldn’t tell where she was going to be placed, making the whole ordeal more exciting. You all found your seats and waited for the girls to start warming up, your friends and family had their flags and face paint on. You were wearing your Daly shirt of course - your girlfriend doesn’t let you leave the house on match days without it.

Hearing the studs tip tapping along the tunnel as you saw your team appear, Rach and Millie laughing like always as they travelled over to their corner to warm up. You wandered over to where they were with some other fans who had accumulated and watched them from the sidelines, utterly besotted with your girl like the first night you met. They finished the first warm up and as they went to the next set up you called her name, just as other people were doing but she could tell your voice a mile away. Her face lit up as she spotted you “where you playing?” you shouted to her. Rach didn’t say a word except quickly raising her eyebrows which you immediately understood to mean she was playing up front, a huge smile spread across your face knowing your girl will be elated. “You better smash it babe!” you shouted to her from the sideline. “Plan on it baby” she gleamed as you mouthed ‘love you’ and blew kisses to each other.

“Excuse me” you heard as someone tugged on the bottom of your shirt, turning around to see a very small girl and her mum who mouthed ‘sorry’ to you. Your face looked confused, “are you Rachel Daly’s girlfriend?” the girl asked, “I am, yes” you replied crouching down to her eye level. “Will you be getting married?” her words nonchalant which made you blush, “ah, I think that’s a question you’ll have to ask her yourself” you smiled. “I like that girls can marry girls if they want to” she said innocently, “I think that’s pretty amazing too” you grinned at her. “Can I have a photo please?” she pointed at mum’s phone, “with me?” you questioned with surprise as she nodded at you. “Of course you can, what’s your name?” picking her up for mum to take a photo. “Amerie” she said proudly. “What a beautiful name!” you announced to her, “Rachel’s her favourite player” mum said as Amerie nodded to confirm that her mum is indeed correct. “Mine too!” you laughed “can you see her?” Facing the girl towards the pitch you pointed out Rachel who was already looking in your direction and waving, you and Amerie waved back. “Mum! Rachel waved at me!” she exclaimed as you put her back down. Her mum said thank you as they went to find their seats.

Rachel’s perspective:

Trotting out onto the pitch and over to the corner I was laughing with Millie about something or other. I spotted my lady walking towards where we were warming up long before I acknowledged she was there and tried to stay focussed on the set up. Trying that little bit harder to get my legs higher and my runs faster as I knew she was watching. When I heard her call my name it was like music to my ears, the way she says my name with her accent is adorable. She asked where I was playing but was told to keep it a secret so made a little gesture only she would know. She told me to smash it, so that’s what I will do. I always do better when she’s watching as I want to make her proud. Blowing a kiss and jogging towards the centre of the pitch for the next warm up my eyes remained firmly on the love of my life. I saw her talking to other people as she was asked to take photos for fans, then I noticed her holding a little girl waving at me. I made sure to remember where the girl was sitting so I could give her my shirt later. She looks like she was made to be a mum with the girl balancing on her hip like a laundry basket, it suits her. We haven’t talked about children yet and that could be a deal breaker, I definitely want children.. and lots of them.

The girls won the game easily against Italy, Rachel scored two goals for her country which surely must cement her as a striker in Sarina’s books now. She came bouncing over to you before you left, leaning over the barrier all giddy. “Do you want children?” she blurted out of no where and catching you off guard. “Wow okay, getting into this now?” you watched the blonde bun on her head flop around as she nodded frantically. “I haven’t really thought about it to be honest” you replied to her sudden questioning. “Would you want kids with me?” her speech was fast and rushed like she needed the answer now and wasn’t going to stop until she got it. “This is a deep conversation to have in a stadium babe” you laughed nervously, “I haven’t stopped thinking about it since I watched you with that girl” she said eagerly awaiting your response. Placing your hand on her cheek, “Rachy, if you want kids we’ll have kids. If you don’t want kids we won’t” causing your girlfriend’s face to turn pensive. “I saw you give your shirt to Amerie, she’s your biggest fan” you prodded her breaking the silence, “yeah she told me! She was cute. She also asked if I’m going to marry you” which made you blush. “Oh yeah what did you tell her?” twirling your hair between your fingers with curiosity. “Well that’s a secret between me and Amerie” she winked making the butterflies wake up in your stomach. Jumping over the barrier to kiss you one last time before running off with her team.

[superlistist]

How would the stardust crusaders act during a photo shoot!

Disclaimer!!! These are all opinions and head-cannons, if you don’t agree with them that’s great, however these are my personal opinions

Jotaro

-modeling agencies have attempted to scout him to play as big muscly men, but he has very little interest in taking photos of himself at all, much more being in a photo shoot

-however if he was asked to be apart of a fast photoshoot where he didn’t have to wear anything specific he would likely stand still while you took pictures

-don’t bother asking him to smile or pose. He can’t force a smile, and he sure as hell isn’t posing for you. Unless you got him when he was asleep, the closest you’re getting to a pose with him is his hands in his pockets and maybe a slight change in his posture.

-he doesn’t want to look at it after your done- at least not in front of you. If you were ever talking about it he might want to see, but he generally doesn’t have interest in seeing photos of himself unless he holds some sentimental value with the people in the photo

Kakyoin

-he enjoys taking pictures, if you ever to offered take pictures of him for a photoshoot he would say yes and even come dressed in more presentable clothes

-he’s not over the top. He comes dressed comfortably yet fashionably and poses however you want him to. He isn’t very likely to ask to make up his own poses or to do whatever he wants to do and for the most part trusts that you’ll lose him well

-he looks best during golden hour, but I imagine he doesn’t really know or care all that much about lighting. So he’d ask why the photoshoot was so late. He would like the outcome but likely wouldn’t take pictures after 5 PM

- he would be really pleased with the end result and might even print his favorite pictures to frame. He generally enjoyed the photoshoot and has probably asked you to take pictures of him more often.

Polnareff

-he’s experienced. He got so excited when you asked to do a photoshoot of him. He had locations and outfits pre planned, he had poses he wanted to do and times to do them, he even said he would edit the pictures for you

-he was surprised when you showed up with your phone camera. He thought you guys were having a real and serious photoshoot and was pretty shocked when you said you just planned to take pictures

-he went out of his way to buy a camera that he now keeps on him(normally in his bag) so you’re ready for surprise photo shoots wherever you go

-you don’t need to instruct him- he knows exactly what to do and instructing him is useless, because he knows every technique in the book. He makes you change angles, saturations, and even makes you climb things or lay on the ground for the best angles

Avdol

- he enjoys photo shoots but he doesn’t do them very often. If you ask him to do one he’ll oblige and show up thinking he was taking pictures of you.

-he poses pretty comfortably, his arms are crossed over his chest or placed on his hips. He only really has a few poses he can do without looking weird, which are poses where he’s showing off his muscles or looks very confident

-he teaches you how to use a camera later and takes pictures of you t he next time in return.

Joseph

-he tells you he needs the camera for something more important and would attempt to smash it so he can use hermit purple. He likely doesn’t actually have to use hermit purple and just wants to get on your nerves

-he lets you take 5 photos before he’s over it. I’m his young days he would’ve let you take hundreds of photos but as he’s aged he simply doesn’t feel like posing for pictures,

[that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick]

It's been so funny and interesting to me getting into Taylor Swift after already having long been into Stray Kids and kpop in general, so here are some funny parallels I've noticed between the two and/or their fandoms:

Ryan Reynolds

The Vault/Chan's Laptop

Really dumb fun fandom energy. Like please, I did not expect the ship name Toe, but that is the only one I am using now. Please I am begging Stays to have this energy when skz start dating publicly

Videos appreciating them existing in cute

Taylor's cats 🤝 Minho's cats

Frothing at the mouth over good/cathartic lyrics and the analysis of such

Ed Sheeran appreciation

Being serious derps irl/online with fans

Loving how their hearts and minds work and how they convey the contents of the same

Reluctant song ranking tiktoks

Knowing exactly which era a photo was from solely based on hair and/or clothes

Knowing details about them that would sound really creepy to someone outside the fandom it's not creepy if they say it in an interview or behind the scenes I swear

TOO MANY SIGNIFICANT NUMBERS and on that note, lowkey wanna leave the list here solely for the sake of things

Learning vocabulary because of them. Seriously. Why did it take me until the last month to figure out that Miroh meant maze and that Clé means key when I've been stanning them since 2021. I'm so mad.

Songs instead of therapy but please go to therapy if you legit need it. "this is me trying" was not about using lyrics as a replacement for professional help. That's a Placebo.

"yes they can actually sing live and here's the proof"

Very involved in their songs from start to finish and it shows and we love them for it

OH SHOOT—I just realized Taylor's Versions vs SKZ 2020/2021—

ME! lol. I do mean the song but also technically me myself as well now heh

Writing love/breakup songs except it's completely made up

Extremely prolific

"so I made this song at stupid o'clock in the morning and here it is lol" and it's the freaking sparkly cd meme

We CARE care about album drops and about them making the money off of it that they deserve as artists

Wanting merch but wiping the lint off the bottom of our wallets to try to find the money

"Please let one measly concert seat be available even if it sucks"

"wait a second, they/their fandoms AREN'T hysterical like the media paints them to be?" *insert mental hurricane that eventually dies down here* "wait, am I actually considering joining them??" *narrator voice: but by then, it was already too late*

Seeing the same memes/edits but in different fandoms but it's not memes I've seen in non-music fandoms. Like literally. Just watched one.

Acronyms that look like keyboard smashes to everyone else please though Swifties you're way worse please have mercy on this baby I'm still learning—

Recycling quotes from haters into song lyrics, like please yes queen/king, continue, go off

Giant creepy creatures as tour set pieces

Taylor and Chan being parents even though they have never actually had children

And on that note, knowing everybody in their industries

Rolling out our list of reasons like a scroll every time we say we stan them and the other person so much as inhales to start a response. We could probably recite that list in our sleep at this point.

Stay Stay Stay HAHAHAHAHAHA

I seriously need to shut up or I will get nothing done today but yeah if you stan one, please give the other a chance because you're doing yourself a disservice if you don't.

[j0kers-light]

👁️👁️ joker x yn who gets exposed for having connections with Batman

Please

Hey hi anon! 🖤✨

I HEARD YOUR CRY! Now you didn’t specify what kind of connection sooo I took liberty of making up one on the fly. I can’t in good conscience say this is canon within His Lighthouse lol. Joker would lose the last shred of his sanity if it were. Enjoy!!

Edit: If you wish to read the full oneshot bearing the same name, here's the link! It does have a trigger warning advisory.

This was not how you wanted Joker to be angry with you. You expected him to be upset about your limited edition box set not coming out until the fall or about you hogging all the cover at night.

Not about your extremely old photo-op with the one and only Batman circulating the web again

It literally was a long story and definitely a lot more tamer than what Joker was making it out to be

So what if you had an old selfie with Gotham City’s Dark Knight floating around the web?

So what if the caped crusader was rather handsy with his hand resting wayy too low on your back or that you were licking the cowl and the caption was quite suggestive?

#Leathertastesfunny but #Ihadworse Okay so maybe it was bad. 👀

Joker stumbled across the old pic when a fan reblogged it with a comment. “Wait, does this mean Y/n is smashing Batman?” Then he scrolled and saw the most recent pic that you totally forgot about taking months ago!!

Who knew Batman was so dirty? You were walking back from an outing and almost got into a nasty situation if not for Batman swooping in to save the day

He flirted with you after saving the damsel in distress again; “the leather shouldn’t taste funny anymore”, he mentioned and you laughed and called his bluff (5/10 not bad)

You offered to take another selfie to commemorate the heroic moment. You were not expecting Batman to back you in the wall and grind his hips into yours. Your thumb slipped and oops…

#Themaskstayson okay so yeah um.. the selfie got quite the buzz. Batman was all but f__king you in the alleyway or at least that’s what the photo suggested.

Your airy smile peaking over Batman’s shoulder with your legs wrapped around his slutty little waist all but confirmed it. Yeah it looked bad

And naturally Joker. Flipped. His. Ish.

“J-J… it happened way before you and I even met!”

Why did you say that? Like that small fact made things any better.

You saw Joker’s eye twitch. The date was right there on the post. It was two days before you and him met in Chinatown but STILL it was too close in Joker’s mind. You were his.

He saw nothing but red. You hooked up with THE Batman, his mortal enemy? Was it just a one (twice) time thing or prolonged occurrences?

HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?

“Did ya f__k him?” Joker growled.

You played with your fingers and looked away. Silence was worse than answering but J had to know.

“I won’T repeat myself, Y/n. Yes or no.”

Cue your stuttering.

“I uhh, well I mean yes but no? It wasn’t a p-in-v if that’s what you’re asking but I did consider it! I have a mask kink okay?! I was curious! I-I mean.. have you seen the man?” You winced when Joker growled.

Alright, not the best confession to say to your psychotic possessive lover, especially since Joker and Batman were bitter rivals.

It was like the ultimate betrayal in J’s eyes. You considered having sex with Batman. Can’t take that back. You started to slowly back away.

“If I were you, I’d run too bunny. Cuz when I catch ya… mmhhm. When I get my handsss on you. I’m gonna ruin you.” Joker was shaking with rage. “One.”

You squeaked in fear and bolted from the room. You tried turning the corner but your momentum made you crash into the wall.

“Two…” You panicked hearing the countdown continue and scrambled to your feet. You made it down the hallway right as Joker said, “Three.”

He casually stood to his feet and stalked your tracks straight into the bedroom.

You thought locking the door was gonna save you? How cute. He broke it open and came to a stop right in front of the closet door. He could smell fear on you and a tinge of arousal. Gods above, he loved you.

“Now I wonder…. where oh where could my little slut be?” He sang out knowing you were in shambles inside.

You were sending a quick prayer upward right as Joker ripped the doors off the hinges and dragged you out by your ankle. Your screams were music to his ears.

[princessozera]

Fake Dating Mammon

Anon Request:  Hi bb 🥺 can I request a fic? Ur writing is just so good and I would really like to see how you write this! So, MC and Mammon are like fake dating (for whatever reason you choose) but NOONE believes it, so mc just smashes their face on his and the brothers see it without mc knowing hehe ^^ I just really think the whole fake dating trope is adorable - ur fave mammon Stan 💖

AN: I don’t know if you ever found my page again, but I hope this finds it way to you and that you like it! I’m sorry I took so long fave mammon stan

GN!MC (They/them, 3rd ppov)

Word count: 2.5k

"MC! You've gotta help me!"

Mammon barges into MC's room, shutting and locking the door behind him before running over to their side- an almost weekly occurrence at this point. MC suppresses a sigh but doesn't look up from their textbook, pointing to the unhung painting near their bed.

"The portal is finished but I haven't had time to properly disguise it yet, if you take a turn where it splits between yellow and pink-"

"No, I'm not running from Lucifer this time, just listen!" Mammon spins them around in their chair, forcing MC to meet his eyes. MC watches Mammon pace the room, frantically waving his arms around as he tells them about a new witch that summoned him. Apparently they were an apprentice to a witch Mammon previously held a pact with- but that witch has since passed. According to some loophole in the contract, Mammon was now bound to this new witch without having to forge a new contract or anything in return for his service. When Mammon tried to protest, she'd offered an alternative- be bound to her with no benefits and coming running at her call- or marry her.

"Wait, wait, wait! MARRY YOU??"

"YES! She's insane!"

"What's the point? I- No offense Mammon, but that's so weird!? Why would she want to in the first place?"

" When mortals get married to demons, its easier for them to wield magic and become stronger and stuff, but the marriage is only broken when the human dies! I wouldn't be able to hold any other pacts or visit the Devildom unless Lord Diavolo summons me! Please MC, I'm not getting married again! MC you've got to help me!"

"AGAIN?? Wha- fu- yeah- sure? I guess? What do you want me to do Mammon?" Now he stops pacing, giving MC a pleading look- asking for forgiveness rather than help. Oh no.

"What did you tell her?"

"Well, she said if I had a legitimate excuse why I couldn't do either, she'd let me off the hook... So I told her we're dating."

"WHAT-"

"Engaged, actually, and that we've been keeping it a secret because my brothers would get jealous," Mammon pats his chest for a second before reaching into his jacket and grabbing something, flicking it to MC. They catch it and immediately recognize it- an engagement ring. "That should fit you just fine by the way"

"OH HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE-"

After some back and forth and a mountain of promises, MC caves and agrees to help Mammon. Mammon gives them a tight hug and a kiss on the top of their head, thanking them a million times before telling them about his game plan to convince the witch. When MC realizes they're about to spend their weekend taking and doctoring a years worth of 'secretly dating' photos, they're tempted to back out. However, they knew Mammon was right to a point- there was almost no one else that could help him without his punishment being just as bad as getting married to a random witch. It wouldn't be so bad, right? They only had to publicly fake date for a month and maybe be seen shopping for wedding attire to completely convince the witch.

After their little photoshoot all around the Devildom, Mammon breaks one more piece of news to MC- his brothers can't find out about ANY of this. If they knew the truth, Lucifer might actually force him to take the pact or worse. So they spent the rest of the day learning to edit photos and coming up with a game plan to convince the brothers. They'd have to pretend to be a couple both in and out of RAD and hoped that openly spending more time together would convince his brothers.

Monday morning came and they couldn't put it off any longer. Mammon and MC trailed behind everyone else, lurking at the edge of the doorway out of the house. They exchange a look, and Mammon extends his hand, MC taking it and giving it a little squeeze of reassurance. He leads MC out and keeps holding their hand down the stairs and across the yard, ignoring the shocked and open mouthed looks from his brothers.

"Aww, I want to hold MC's hand too!" Asmo runs up to MC's left side and reaches for their hand, but pulls back like he's been burned. "WHAT IS THAT!" MC and Mammon turn around to face the brothers and MC places their left hand on Mammon's chest.

"Hey, we're gonna walk ahead, alright you guys? I really just want to spend time with Mammon right now." MC makes sure to move their left hand a bit, drawing everyone's attention to the ring. Even Lucifer was at a loss for words, no one else spoke.

"Come on babe," Mammon stumbles over the pet name, but gently turns MC around, hugging them close to his side and walks with them like this all the way to RAD and even up to MC's first class. After the brothers, it was pretty easy to ignore the staring.

"I'll see you at lunch, we can go to Madam Scream's, my treat." No matter how many times MC rehearsed the script in their head, they couldn't quite meet Mammon's eyes when they spoke.

"Yeah, see you." If anything, they were relieved that Mammon seemed to be struggling as much as them. Mammon starts to turn but hesitates. Before MC could ask what was wrong, he gives them a quick kiss on the forehead and walks away. MC couldn't tell what burned more, their face or the stares of their classmates on their back.

This was going to be a long month.

--------------

“It’s like watching a soap opera. Horrible and exaggerated acting,” Asmo fake whispers to Satan, and giving MC a wide grin when they turn around to glare at him.

"Asmo, you went to help me find a wedding outfit, I don't know what more I can do convince you. I love Mammon and we're engaged!" MC protested loudly, trying to cover up the sound of mammon taking in a deep breath at the declaration of love. Asmo looks between MC and Mammon, they were sharing the love seat sofa, but still managed to not even touch legs. For 2 people "in love", they sure wouldn't touch each other.

"Kiss. Right here, right now."

"Pervert," Mammon and MC said together, only sharing the briefest smile before turning on Asmo again.

"i have to side with them, that's a weird request Asmo."

"Keep your head in your book Satan, maybe you'll learn to pick up on hints. They're CLEARLY not dating!"

"Obviously," Satan shoots him a quick glare over the top of his book. "But if they want to be delusional, let them."

"I'm not delusional!"

"Fine, MC finally got Stockholm syndrome-" Belphegor didn't bother to dodge the decorative pillow that Mammon shot at him, and he didn't need to- it flew clear over his head by a mile.

"I don't! Mammon is nice to me and he buys me things and takes me out-"

"But MC, you do that with all of us too." Beel points out. He didn't believe their little act either, but MC was making it too easy to tear their defense apart.

"We're leaving! I'm not going to sit here and let you slander our relationship anymore!" MC gets up in a huff and drags Mammon along with them. The next few days were filled with the brothers bribing and sympathizing with MC and harassing Mammon. This was clearly a ruse and if they kept pressing, one of them was bound to break.

-------2 weeks later------------------

"Slow dowwwnnn MC, I'm tired," Mammon whined but let MC pull him into his room, half heartedly closing the door behind him. MC dropped their school bag and started to stretch, starting to feel the stress of this whole fiasco catch up to them.

“Mammon, you need to ease up. If we can't even convince your brothers that we're dating, word might get back to that witch and you'll be married off- AGAIN. Then all of this was for nothing.”

“What do you mean ‘ease up’, my acting’s been perfect!” Mammon tosses his jacket onto the pool table before throwing himself on the couch, draping over it and looking exhausted. "Those bastards would be in denial if it was real, so we're doing fine."

“Fine? Dude, you stutter anytime I hold your hand first and the ONE time we kissed in front of them, you didn't speak and turned so red I thought you had a fever. Absolutely none of that screams ‘chill’.”

“Well what do you want me to do about it!? How can I just be ‘casual’ about kissing?” Now it was MC's turn to blush, because they'd given the idea some thought, but had only come up with one solution.

“Well… then let’s practice until you can keep your cool.” MC took a sudden interest in the wall behind Mammon as he sputtered and stood back up.

“WHAT?? Practice kissing-"

“DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. IF YOU HAVE ANY BETTER IDEA ID LOVE TO HEAR IT!" MC stared at Mammon, but he was clearly out of ideas. "So? Final answer?" Mammon shrugs and walks over to MC, putting his hands on their shoulders and looking them in the eyes. His face burned, but he managed to hold their gaze.

"Sure, there are worse ways to practice acting."

"Oh how you flatter me, love," MC rolls their eyes and Mammon does have to look away now, the pet name catching him off guard. When he was composed again, he looked at MC patiently waiting for him.

"Okay, I'm going to kiss you so don't hit me." He leans to MC, turning his head and pulling them into the kiss by their shoulders. They stay like this for a bit before MC groans and pulls back.

"Mammon, my friends have kissed me better than that. You're still really tense."

"You should be honored to kiss me"

"I've been alive for fewer millennia and I can still kiss better than you"

"Hardy har MC. Well what other brilliant ideas do you have?"

"Well... Here, let me-" it's MC's turn to step up. They wrap one arm around Mammon's neck , the other reaching up to wrap their fingers in his hair. MC pulls Mammon closer, first kissing him on the corner of his lips- once, twice, and once on his jaw before fully leaning in. They start gently, and Mammon hums against their lips, finally stepping up and moving his hands from MC's shoulders to their waist. He reciprocates the kiss and only pulls back when MC does.

"Not bad first man. Well, we're not stammering and neither of us looks mortified, so that's something... But maybe we should-" MC tightens their grip on his hair and Mammon understands.

"Keep practicing," Mammon nods and pulls MC back into him.

-----------

(At the same time, in the living room)

"I'm telling you, they're up to something!"

"I'm with Asmo on this one, it's all too sudden," Satan looks up from the book he was holding. "Do you think Mammon's holding something against MC? Or vice versa?"

"I tried talking to them but MC insists that it's been going on since last year and that they were messaging even when MC was in the human world." Levi continued to type on his DDD and looks up to meet each of his brother's eyes. "Whatever they're planning they're sure trying to see it through."

"Even Barbatos didn't see this coming," Lucifer sighs and shakes his head, putting down a folder with documents he needed for tomorrow. "How did MAMMON of all people keep it a secret from us?"

"Not a hard secret to keep if it isn't real. Come on, I bet you they aren't even together right now!" Asmo leaves the room and they all follow behind, wanting to test Asmo's theory themselves. In front of Mammon's door, Beel spoke before Asmo could open the door.

'We shouldn't peep on them like this," Beel protested.

"It's not peeping if they're not actually together, MC is probably reading a book or something and Mammon's watching a movie! I'm calling them on their bullshit." Asmo and Beel bickered quietly, completely missing as Levi opens the door instead.

"Err, Asmo, I don't think they're faking it." Everyone turns to Levi and look past him into the room. Mammon and MC were in the middle of the room, too focused on each other to see the door was clearly wide open and that they had an audience.

"Okay, we're done here," Beelzebub pulls Levi and Asmo away from the door by the collar and Belphegor closes the door again. They all walked away grumbling something or other about forgotten homework, or late appointments and part ways at the living room, never questioning Mammon and MC again.

------after 1 month------------

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT WAS FAKE-" Asmo shook MC so violently, Beel worried they'd get whiplash. Satan didn't even bother to look up, catching MC's glass before it tipped over and spilled onto the dining table, but he was clearly drawn to their conversation too.

"Sorry," MC laughs, not apologetic at all. "It was kind of a desperate plan.

"BUT IT WORKED! You should have seen how mad the witch was! I thought I'd have to protect MC from an attack or something!" Mammon cheered and reached across the table, giving MC a high five.

"Come on, she was nice! Super pretty to boot. If I had known, I would have tried to fake marry her instead," MC smiled as they dodged a fried bat wing Mammon threw at their head.

"But we saw you kissing!"

"You literally made us kiss in front of you like twice to prove it, which is giving creeper vibes my dude."

"No, I mean we all saw you in Mammon's room, making out. THAT didn't look like acting," Asmo jabs his fork threateningly at MC.

"Well we had to convince you guys it was real, and it looks like it worked. But now that I think about it, we still have one more thing to do." MC nods to Mammon and his eyes sparkle, knowing their inside joke.

"MC, I want a divorce!"

"HA! Jokes on you, I already packed up my things, and I'm taking goldie with me!" MC gave a villainous cackle and Mammon gasped, tossing another wing at MC's head. They laughed for a minute, but Asmo finally stopped pouting and leaned towards MC.

"Well now that it's 'official', let me know if you ever want to practice your 'acting' again MC, I'd love to help," Asmo winks and grabs MC's arm, "Here, I'll even feed you to show you what a good husband I could be!"

"OK-" Levi and Satan protested at the same time and Lucifer just took a long drink from his wine cup as the others started to bicker. MC and Mammon smile at each other from across the table, something softer in their eyes.

Maybe that divorce won't last long after all.

[skinnyducky]

excuse me, i love you // v.h.

requested by @thatmultifandomlovingmf

a/n i hope this lives up to your expectation ! i had an idea prior to writing this and i thought it would be nice to sort of mingle the two ! sorry, if this wasn’t what you wanted ! and also same, i still don’t know my ff terms that well either :D

Word Count: 1535, edited

WARNING: fluff, language, fluff.. and more fluff.

---------

Vinnie and you were chilling in his room, lying on his bed. Well, at least he was chilling. You were cuddled into his side and fast asleep—college will do that to you. He took this chance to admire you. He truly loved everything about you, and it made him think: how was he so fortunate to have someone like you? Sure, you’d been best friends for a long time, but that didn’t mean anything—at least to him it didn’t. This thought danced around in his mind, and he recalled back to the event that started your relationship…

 Two years ago…

 It was a Friday night and Vinnie was sitting in his room, scrolling through Instagram and liking whatever random photos popped up on his feed. This wasn’t how he typically spent his Friday nights. Normally he’d be with his best friend, you. However, due to a series of unfortunate events—aka Jackson Dougland asking you out on a date—he was left to his own devices.

As he sat at the edge of his bed, he wandered why him? What made Jackson Dougland so great that you actually entertained going on a date with him? He was just your average dimwit who cared more about his sport achievements than anything else. You deserved better than someone who was just going to use you as a trophy; you deserved Vinnie—or at least that’s what he thought.

Vinnie was unsure of when and why he started to develop a crush on you. Maybe it was because you’re the only girl who really understood him, maybe it was because you’ve been best friends for years, or it could be from the fact that you appeared in every one of his dreams—and that includes the nightmares with Elmo. There was just something about you that made his love for you shift from platonic to romantic, and he had no clue why. He couldn’t tell you that though. For one, it’d be embarrassing if you rejected him. And two, he couldn’t bare to risk your friendship. So, he thought it’d be better to conceal his feelings than to let them pour out.

As he mindlessly stared at his phone, he heard a slight tap at the window. He fell into confusion as he looked over to see nothing there. Shrugging it off, he went back to looking at the small screen in his hands, but once again, there was a tap at the window.

“What the hell?” Vinnie muttered to himself, getting up and going to check out the ruckus. He opened the window and stuck his head out, finding no sign of where the tapping could’ve come from. That was until he was hit in the face with a pebble.

“OUCH, dammit!” He shouted as he rubbed his throbbing cheek. He looked down to see who the culprit was, only to find you standing there. “Y/n? What the hell?”

“Sorry,” you sighed. Vinnie noticed something different about your demeanor. Normally you were happy and cheery, but right now you were the complete opposite, from the slight frown on your face to your hunched stature.

“Can I come in?”

Vinnie nodded and rushed downstairs to open the door for you. Letting you in, he led the two of you back upstairs and into his room. Once you were inside, he shut the door and watched as you plopped down face-first on his bed.

“What’re you doing here?” Vinnie asked, leaning against the door. “Aren’t you supposed to be on your date with Dougland?”

You let out a groan and sat up, looking your best friend in the eye. “I was, but then I found out he had other motives.”

“What do you mean by ‘other motives’?”

“He didn’t really wanna go out with me. He was just using me for sex.” You said, fiddling with your thumbs. “I was just another notch on his belt; another girl he could brag about getting with to his buddies.”

Vinnie frowned as he sat next to you. “I’m sorry that happened.”

“It’s like, why me? What did I do to deserve this?”

“Completely nothing.”

“I thought he was so sweet. He went on and on about how we were gonna go to homecoming together, and that he wanted to spend the rest of high school with me. But come to find out, it was nothing but lies.”

“I know, I know.” Vinnie sighed. He hated seeing you down, especially in this instance. You deserved nothing but complete happiness, and the fact that someone came along and ruined that for you, it pained him. “You don’t deserve that.”

“Maybe I do,” You replied, your voice breaking. “Maybe this was a sign that love isn’t for me.”

Vinnie shook his head as he looked at you. “Now, Y/n.”

You groaned, “It’s the truth. Think about it, no guy has ever shown interest in me before, and if they have, they’re either like Jackson or they’re in middle school.”

“That’s a lie and you know it.”

“No, it’s not. I’m just gonna have to face the facts: I’m meant to be alone.”

“Y/n-“

“I should’ve known better.”

“Y/n-“

“Nobody would ever want me.”

Vinnie growled, getting up from beside you. “There are people who want you, Y/n! You’re just too blind to see it!”

You scoffed. “Oh yeah, and who might that be? And if you say one of your baseball boys, I swear to god-“

“Me, Y/n…it’s me.”

You finally stopped your yapping and sat there in shock. Vinnie felt at peace, glad that he was able to get you to calm down. However, that peace was disrupted once he soon realized what he had said. “Oh, shit.” He mumbled to himself, although it was loud enough for you to hear.

“What’d you just say?”

“Oh shit.” He repeated, though he knew what you were referring to.

“Not that, idiot, what you said before that.”

He sighed, sitting back down. “Fine. I said that I want you. And before you go off the rails, I truly meant what I said. I don’t know when I started having feelings for you, but I do know that they’re strong. I get that we’ve been best friends for a while and it’s weird, but I just can’t help the way I feel for you.”

“Vinnie, I-“

“I completely understand if you don’t feel the same, I don’t expect you to.”

“Vin-“

“Just promise me that we can still be friends. I don’t know what I’d do without-“

Before he could finish his sentence, you smashed your lips against his. He was taken aback; so many thoughts were roaming around in his head which was nearly on the verge of combusting. When you pulled back, the two of you looked into each other’s eyes for a good minute.

“Wow.” He breathed, causing you to laugh. “I was not expecting that.”

“I could tell.” You grinned. “Do you really mean all of that…all of what you said?”

He nodded. “Of course, I do, Y/n. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. I care about you, and it sucks to hear you go on and on about not finding someone when I’m right here, someone who wants to be with you for you and not for your body or anything. I love you, like so fucking much.”

A smile crept onto your face as your hands found their way to the back of Vinnie’s neck. “You are absolutely too pure for this world, Vin.”

The boy laughed keeping his eyes fixed on yours. “I honestly don’t know what to say. No one has ever said something that sweet and meaningful to me. Maybe it’s because you’re my best friend but hearing it from you feels ten times better.” You smiled. “You mean a lot to me, Vinnie. The fact that I mean that much to you, it’s sweet.”

“This feels like a friendzone speech.” Vinnie said as his shoulders fell.

“I wouldn’t have kissed you if I was planning on friendzoning you.” You chuckled, stroking his head. “I really wanna try this out.”

“You mean like…you for real wanna go out? This isn’t for play-play?”

“Yeah. I feel like we’ve always been a couple. It just took some maturing, a moment of weakness, and one of us to say something for us to figure it out. And now, since we’ve figured it out…I think we should try and see where it goes.”

Vinnie gulped, “But what if it doesn’t work out? I don’t wanna lose you, Y/n.”

“And you won’t.” You reassured. “We’ve been in each other’s lives far to long to just walk out. I have no intention of leaving anytime soon.”

“If that’s the case, then I guess all that’s left to ask is…Y/n, do you want to go out with me?”

“Yes, Vinnie. I would love to go out with you.”

 Flashback over…

 As the scene left Vinnie’s head, he couldn’t help but grin. Two years ago, he would’ve never thought being with you would be possible. But here he was together with you. He had all he could ask for.

And he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

[gray-isnt-real]

Are You Okay?

A Sequel to Pick One

•••

🎶 -Her heart has got no pity for you!

Vampire, vampire,

Sparkle like a sapphire!

Strutting through the ghetto,

A sexy black stiletto!

She's a vampire vampire-! 🎶

Martin could hear it backstage, an undertone to his brother’s voice. The shrill beeping of that stupid device that Chris took with him everywhere he went, it echoed somewhere behind the royal blue curtains of the large stage Chris dangled above. It was so loud, so horribly obnoxious and disruptive. Martin hated that thing with a passion, with how often it disrupted rehearsal and his sleep schedule. Not that his brother seemed to care. It was a gift from his “precious Koki” and he refused to put it on silent, because “what if I miss her call?!” The only time he could get any relief from the sound was when Chris was actually performing. But at this very moment? The brunette didn’t notice the high-pitched beeping sound, nor did he seem to care.

“Chris!”

No answer.

“Chris! Brat!”

He was far too occupied with his routine. Props to him for being so focused, Martin supposed, but that beeping was giving him a headache worse than that of a night of drinking. It pierced his eardrums like nothing else. He wanted to smash the damn thing so he’d never have to hear it again... But then Chris would kill him. Or at least try to. He didn’t have the heart to break something so dear to his brother, as much as he hated to admit it. With his brother preoccupied, the blonde slipped behind the curtains, making his way back to the source of the treacherous sound.

It wasn’t hard to find, with its glowing screen and gentle vibration against the wooden stool it had been placed on. An edited-to-hell picture of Koki was Chris’s icon for her contact, mid laugh and all sorts of stupid digital stickers and filters all over the photo. He was much too soft for her... Martin picked up the device and hit the biggest button, as he’d seen Chris do many times before. And it worked; there was Koki, dressed up in summer clothes that looked more suited for swimming rather than everyday wear. Her hair was twisted into braids, and her braids were pulled back into a semi-tight ponytail. He supposed she was pretty, but not worth completely overlooking their whole mission, the purpose they integrated themselves into human society.

Beside her were two people he didn’t recognize. Chris had never mentioned them, at least. To Koki’s right was a Latina woman, brown hair pulled back into a ponytail and dark smudges on her arms and hands. To Koki’s left was a redheaded man dressed like he was ready to spend his day inside, in a t-shirt and shorts that looked almost comparable to pajamas. Quite the contrast to the two women.

“Oh! Martin, hi-“

They hadn’t properly met yet. Koki was clearly surprised, maybe a bit nervous in the blonde’s unexpected presence, knowing that they hadn’t properly interacted and this really wasn’t the best first impression- She seemed to straighten a little bit.

“I-I’m sorry, Chris isn’t rehearsing, is he? I can always call back,” she said. A clear attempt to hang up. “I wasn’t sure about his schedule today-“

“With how often you two talk, I’m surprised he didn’t tell you,” Martin retorted. She winced a little, but kept a straight face. “He’s rehearsing right now. I have another stage manager keeping an eye on him.”

That was a lie; he was the only “stage manager” present.

“Was there something you needed from him?”

Koki looked to the woman at her right, as if questioning her on what to do. This wasn’t some call just to say hello, was it? They needed something from his brother. The idea of that wasn’t exactly pleasing, to say the least. What could they possibly want from Chris? Was Koki using him? Was this a scheme?

“Was there something you needed, or can I hang up?” he asked again, his tone having a little more bite to it that before.

“Yes, we needed something,” the tan woman snapped back. Matching his energy; Martin supposed it was fair. Some guy she doesn’t know snaps at her, she has a right to snap back. He supposed he could respect it. “Are you going to be an ass about it?”

“That depends. What do you need?”

The Hispanic woman rolled her eyes. “We need some info about sirens and their migration patterns, hunting patterns, territorial behaviors-“

“Sirens aren’t fucking animals, you know,” the blonde cut her off. This was odd. Really odd.

“Technically, almost all monsters are mammals, so yes, they are,” she clarified. “But anyone could ask the same things about humans. Our hunting and migration patterns, territorial and social behaviors, our diet, our features, etcetera-“

“Get to the point please. Why do you need to know this from me when there are plenty of sirens to observe yourselves?”

Her eyes narrowed. “Because we can’t find them.”

Couldn’t find them? Martin wasn’t sure if that was a joke or if these mortals were that dense. It wasn’t hard to find sirens if you traveled far enough from the coast of the mainland. He could remember from before hunters found them, mortals from the mainland simply enjoying time out in the waters would pass by every now and again. Some would stop to say hello, to befriend them. He could recall a fisherman offering fruit and precious things from the mainland to his aunts, asking to let him fish in peace in their waters.

Mortals knew where to find sirens. They knew they ruled that little part of the ocean that they resided in. So how in the world could these three be so dense?

“Chris told me you’re in Greece for work, yes? On the islands?”

Koki spoke up this time. “Yes, but-“

“You go northwest of the islands, towards Athens but not towards the shore. If you keep going, there’s-“

“A cove south of Athens, we know,” Koki interjected. “We found the rocks, but no sirens. There was nothing.”

On the screen of the little device was something Martin never thought he’d see. Not in his worst nightmares. It was the cove. The sand on the shore was kicked up by birds and little things washing up on the shore. The rocks were bare, scratched and wet from ocean breeze. Saltwater birds had taken sanctuary there by now. His aunts and sisters... They were nowhere to be seen. They weren’t there. They were gone.

“Locals in Athens told us the sirens have lived there for generations, but we were wondering if there was any sort of migratory behaviors that we were overlooking, if there could be a reason that they aren’t there at this moment,” Koki explained. “We thought we’d get the input of someone who knows a little more than we do about this.”

...Silence...

Martin was quiet; much too quiet for Koki’s liking. His stern expression had turn sullen, and the worry in his eyes was unmistakable. Those emotional walls he’d put up were torn down somehow.

“...Martin?”

The blonde seemed to snap out of the daze he’d sunken into, just for a moment.

“Huh?”

“Are you okay?”

[jesslockwood]

SOUR | T. Holland

Word Count: 1.7k

Pairing(s): Tom Holland x Actress!Reader

Warnings: angsty af, swearing

Summary: y/n and tom broke up, and when tom comes around with his new girl 2 weeks later, y/n is sour. 

A/n: I was hesitant to post this due to everything going on with tom lmao but yk, fuck it lol. anyways lmk if you want a part two cause I this was pretty short and I have ideas! also I didn’t edit this much lol so sorry for the mistakes!

His brown guilty eyes were enough to know that he moved on, in two weeks to be exact, after you broke it off. He was spotted recently with a girl he said he was just friends with, what a damn lie. 

You try to not let the tears out as you see them making their way on the red carpet of the movie premiere. He looked you straight in the fucking eyes, yet couldn’t even give you a heads up he was bringing a date tonight. You worked together for six months yet he didn’t have the decency.  

He betrayed you. He didn’t cheat but he betrayed you. 

You had even mentioned her by name before, yet he said you were paranoid and had nothing to worry about. What bullshit. 

She was just a new trophy for him, one that he’d put on the shelf later, or smash like it like you were broken. 

 It started out so sweet and innocent. You had met working together and had started dating under the radar, and you fell in love with him so quickly, even at his worst, but it didn’t matter. He moved on with you still in the picture and that’s what hurt the most. But he would never see or care about how much you hurt. He wasn’t sorry. 

Isn’t it funny how someone you thought could love you the way you loved them, was a damn traitor? 

He played all these twisted games with your mind, thinking that he felt the same way about you, or at least cared. 

God, you wanted to scream, she was sleeping in the bed you lied in and made with him. But she couldn’t care less, she got the prize, a shitty one at that. 

You didn’t get it, he couldn’t have fallen in love with someone that quickly, not after what you had. 

All you had done for Tom, it didn’t apparently matter to him, cause he’s dating her. He gave you his fucking word, that you were the one who meant something to him, you guessed he just used you.

She was gorgeous too, and she made you feel so small, unimportant and the paparazzi all turned to them, and barely any was paying any mind to you, the star of the movie. It sounded selfish but you put the blood sweat and tears into this movie, and all she had to do was walk with the man you put blood sweat and tears into, and she had all the attention.

He just had to bring her and was showing her off like a new trophy. God, you hated him. You hated him for hurting you like this. And yet, if he asked for you back, you would probably jump at the chance. 

He seemed so genuine and true when you had first met him. Brown doe-eyed, attentive and listening to every word you said like it was the most important thing in the world, then things got ugly. He would play all these twisted games with you, making you feel like nothing one moment, and then his everything the next. 

He even gave you his fucking word and a promise ring that he would always love you, But Isn’t it funny? He’ll never feel sorry for breaking you. 

Suddenly one of your friends, well tom’s brother, wraps his arm around your waist, whispering to you, asking if your okay, before the paps get a few snaps in of the moment. Harry starts leading you away from the commotion before you cried. No one had asked you that until today. Which kind of shell shocked you, because you weren’t and he was the first person who seemed to care.

Harry at the moment couldn’t care less about the out-of-character way his brother was acting, especially towards you. Yes, he loved his brother but hated how he was acting. He couldn’t see how he could treat someone as lovely as you like that. 

Tom didn’t even notice the way you were destroyed. He let you go, Harry couldn’t understand why because tom seemed so happy with you, until nearing the end of the relationship. 

“Thank you, Harry.” you sniffle, once reaching the inside of the building. 

“You shouldn’t be thanking me. I should be apologizing for my brother.”

You smile weakly at him. He wipes the tears from your eyes, before suggesting,

“After they have you up on stage for the thank you’s and stuff, we should just ditch this and go back to my hotel and get room service and raid my candy stash, if you’re up for it.”

“I’ll think about it,” you say with a more genuine yet sad smile.

“Let’s get in there, shall we?” he puts his arm out for you and you link yours in his. 

What you didn’t realize is that tom saw harry wiping your tears while doing an interview, and saw you link your arms together when he got inside. To say he was fuming doesn’t even cover how enraged he was. 

Once getting in, you realized you and tom would be sitting next to one another, something you truly wished you could get out of. 

“You’d better wish me luck.” You point to the seats. 

Harry got the bright idea to just take his brother’s spot. He wouldn’t care anyway, he had his new girl Zabrina. 

You and Harry had a small conversation about what both of you had been up to after he was Tom’s assistant for filming. You saw him almost every day when you and tom would hang out, harry being the third wheel. You had spent a decent chunk of time with him and definitely preferred the company over being alone, or with your ex.

“I can’t believe you dropped your SD card down the drain! Photos are your life, so you should have paid attention!” you laugh with him.

“Harry, You’re in my seat.” Tom interrupts, with a scowl on his face. 

“Can’t you just move down one? Y/n and I are talking here.”

“Tommy I can’t see from that seat!” Zabrina pouts like a child. 

“If she can’t see why do I have to sit there? I actually worked behind the scenes on this movie!” 

“Harry, don’t make me-”

“You know what! Harry and I were leaving after we thank everyone. So you two lovebirds can have the whole row!” you say venom seething from your mouth. 

“There you go, Tommy. Have a nice night you two!” Harry follows up, really sick of the attitude his brother was having.

Tom’s face turned red under the makeup he had on. He was enraged. His brother was betraying him. 

“Have a nice time, fucking around” he said, seeing red. he saw your face soften, from anger to confusion, to sadness. You didn’t think he thought so low of you.

“What the fuck tom! We aren’t-”

“It’s not worth it Harry, he’s not worth it,” you say sadly. Standing up, Turning to go towards the stage. 

That hit tom with a pang in his chest. He was just trying to get over you, to move forward. But maybe that was the problem. He just left you in the dust (peter parker is that you?) to navigate the way you felt over losing one of the best things you ever had. God, you wished you didn’t fall in love with him before he betrayed you. You wished he just would have thought it through before he ruined you. 

Your director motioned over to you and Tom to go up on the stage. 

“I’ll meet you outside, Y/n/n.” 

That was tom’s nickname for you. He came up with it and he was the only one who could call you that. You were his and he was yours. But yet he knew that long-distance was so fucking hard. He couldn’t put you or himself, so he found someone who was fine with the distance. Zabrina barely paid attention to him unless he wanted attention for herself, but he didn’t realize how he broke much more of you than the surface showed. 

“She’s really pretty, I hope she makes you happy,” you mention bitterly, hoping in a terrible way,  he’d never be as happy as he was with you. 

Before Tom, you scream out no one would make him happy as you did. Your director cut tom off.

After your director said thanks to everyone and the film started you grab your bag from your assistant, before heading to the exit, tom hurriedly tried to follow you, being caught by Zabrina, asking Tom to take a selfie with her, so she could commemorate her ‘prize’ when truly, Tom was using her as a rebound. 

“Zabrina, I need to talk to harry!” he whispers yells.

“Why? He literally is taking to your wretched ex?” she says with venom in her voice. 

Tom jogs around her, trying to get to you and Harry, While Zabrina dramatically calls after him.

He was too late, though, he saw you from the doors, you were already getting in your getaway car, with Harry. He ruined everything.

Harry and you were sitting in the limousine that was rented for you, before harry states, “He’ll be the one who crying, I promise you.”

“I always knew this is how He’d leave me. He found someone more exciting, and better than me. I was used a discarded like nothing.” you laugh through the tears.

“You’ll find someone who finds you exciting Y/n, and you’ll be their whole world.” he comforts you.

“Good for him I guess, but it’s like we never happened. Like what the fuck is that?” you ask.

“He’s acting like a damn sociopath.” harry shrugs.

You laugh at that one. 

“So what do you want to watch Y/n?”

“Would you hate me if I said legally blonde?”

“Not if we can watch fight club after.” 

“You have a deal, Sir!”

Tom however was stuck, watching you and him on screen. Reminiscing of how he fucked up. 

It was getting close to an intimate scene, probably his favorite one he’s ever done. All he could think about was someone else getting to touch you, and be with you, he wanted that but at the same time, he couldn’t deal with all the shit of being with you. The relationship was too good, so much that Tom thought sometimes he didn’t deserve someone like you. It was probably crazy of him for thinking like that, but he couldn’t bring you down with him, not when he was so fucked up. He wished he could be the one but he couldn’t so he just hoped you were okay.  

Tags:

@spideyspeaches

@greenorangevioletgrass

@queenofthepouges

@minejungwoo

@keithseabrook27

@lolooo22

@webmeupspiderdaddy

@harryhollandsgirlfriend

[hyungieyoongi]

Found: “Run Away to You” Part 1

Let me go.

He was, without a doubt, your hardest goodbye.

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Former Actress!Reader 

Word Count: 1.6K

Genre: Fluff + Angst 

Series Masterlist: Run Away to You 

Premise: You ran away from your acting career one year ago, disappearing from the spotlight without a trace. No one from your past life knew where to find you. On the anniversary of your disappearance, your carefully constructed reality is shattered.

// Part 2

---

Looking at the calendar on your wall, the date glared back at you, red marker encircling the number as if you could forget it.

One year. It had been one whole year since you ran away from your old life.

Happy anniversary to me, you thought bitterly.

It hadn’t been easy–no, it had been tactful, strategic. Your best friend-turned-publicist, Marianne, had programmed your social media accounts to simultaneously deactivate. The phone you used for “celebrity” contacts and business-related matters was permanently turned off, stashed away in the back of a drawer. You had already moved all your belongings to a new apartment on the other side of the city, address undisclosed to everyone except Marianne and your parents on the other side of the world. Everything had been in place for you to completely disappear.

You were instructed to lay low for at least one entire month, groceries delivered to your door under a fake name with Marianne’s credit card. You had cut your hair, once long and flowing, to your collarbone. It was often hidden under a baseball hat when you went to your favorite café for a coffee or took your elderly neighbor’s dog for walks around the park. You were completely off the radar, just as intended.

That didn’t stop the world from trying to track you down for a while. Fan blogs speculated where you could have gone, and tabloids splashed old pictures of you on their covers with speculative headlines. Your parents even had to install a state-of-the-art security system in your hometown in the States after a magazine found out where you grew up and tried to break into their backyard. But you weren’t naïve enough to go back home; that was the first place people would expect you to go. Instead, you were hidden in plain sight in Seoul, just sans the flashes of the cameras following you. Without the designer clothes or big sunglasses hiding your features, you looked just like anyone else. Undetectable.  

You had grown up in America, studying acting and Korean during your time at university with Marianne. Upon graduation, you landed a major role in a K-drama, uprooting your entire life to move to Seoul. For five years, you lived in the spotlight under the industry’s microscope. People said you were living the dream, but it started to feel more like a nightmare. It became overwhelming, suffocating.

When the show wrapped after three seasons, you knew it was time. You decided to run. You just wish you didn’t have to hurt anyone else in the process. Especially him.

You had instructed Marianne to give him a letter explaining why you had to go away, but she never heard back from him.

Let me go, Yoongi. Don’t look for me. This is for the best. I will always care about you. – Y/N

The words were emblazoned in your memory, your eyes tearing up at the thought of him reading the words you wrote to him.

Let me go.

He was, without a doubt, your hardest goodbye.  

Your cell phone rang, distracting you from the memories that plagued your thoughts today.

“Good afternoon, dearie!” Marianne chirped on the other end of the phone. “It’s a big day for you. The first half of your manuscript came back from the publisher, so get excited to do some editing!” Hiding away from the world for a year gave you a lot of time to think. For you, that meant time to write. Marianne seamlessly transitioned from being your publicist for your acting career to managing your budding career as an author, even helping you pick out a pseudonym.  

“That’s great news,” you mumbled in reply, taking a long sip of your coffee, the bitterness blooming on your tongue.

“Are you alright? You sound, I don’t know, a little off,” Marianne questioned, concern lacing her normally peppy tone.

“It’s been one year, Marianne,” you replied, knowing she’d understand.

“Oh my,” Marianne said after a beat of silence. “It completely slipped my mind. How are you holding up?”

“I’m alright just a little…weird, I guess? I’m so relieved to have my own life again. But I’m also just kind of mourning my old life today.”

“Oh babe, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Do you want me to come over after work–we can order takeout and watch a movie? Take your mind off things?” Marianne offered.

“No, that’s okay. I think I’m just going to spend the day doing some self-care. We’re meeting tomorrow to discuss the manuscript timeline, right?”

“Yes, of course! I’ll be at the café at 11:00 a.m. Are you sure you’ll be okay today?” Marianne asked, clearly not convinced that you were telling the truth about being alright.

“I’ll call you if I need you, I promise,” you reassured her.

“Night or day, Y/N, you know I’m here.”

After you both said your goodbyes and ended the call, you started to feel restless, needing something to take your mind off the date and the competing emotions swirling in your brain. You decided fresh air and comfort food were the solution.  

Grabbing your keys off the table by the front door, you slipped on your shoes, heading for the local corner store in your neighborhood, mindlessly forgetting your hat on the hook on the wall.

---

Mask pulled over the lower half of his face to conceal his appearance, Yoongi slipped into a nearby corner store, saving himself from the prying eyes that seemed to be examining him a little too closely from across the street.

He had snuck out of the studio without security, wanting to just take a moment to breathe all to himself. He had driven around Seoul with no destination in mind, eventually stopping in a neighborhood he found with a quiet park for a walk. His thoughts betrayed him as they kept going back to you and the letter he received one year ago, now crumpled in the top righthand drawer of his desk. He didn’t need to pull it out today to remember exactly what it said.

Let me go.

Once he read those words, he had stopped reading, smashing the paper together between his fists in frustration, shoving it in the drawer. It had stayed unopened since last year.

Yoongi aimlessly wandered through the aisles of the store, his mind continuously returning to that drawer. He had worked so hard to stop thinking about it–about you–over the past year. Today was a harsh reminder that you were still on his mind. He had stopped calling a long time ago, knowing that you wouldn’t pick up or return his calls. Sometimes though, if he had a little too much to drink with the boys, he’d call your number just to hear your voice on the voicemail recording. He didn’t tell anyone about those late-night calls.

Rounding the aisle corner, he collided with someone, knocking the snacks they had bundled in their arms to the ground. They immediately knelt down, trying to collect them.

“Shit, I’m sorry. Here, let me help you,” Yoongi offered, starting to lean over.

“Oh, no that’s okay I’ve got it.” Yoongi froze, his body going rigid. That voice. Your voice. He hadn’t heard it in-person in over a year. The sweetness of it rang through his ears, reminiscent of the voicemail he knew by heart.

It was you. After all this time.

---

Standing up with your snacks back safely in your grasp, you looked at the man in front of you who seemed to be barely breathing.

You were about to ask if he was alright, but then you recognized it. The black hat–the one with two rings on the edge that he would often wear when he went out. His mask had slipped below his nose, his pale cheeks slightly squished under the pressure of the fabric. Black hair poked out from underneath the hat, falling onto his forehead and into his dark brown eyes. They were wide with shock.  

You felt the color rush from your face, hands beginning to shake because this wasn’t supposed to happen.

You were safe. Safe in your self-made bubble away from the world.

Until he found you. And it burst.

You contemplated turning around, pretending you hadn’t recognized him. Leave him again. But you knew that wasn’t an option now. You had to face the thing you were most scared of–him.

“Yoongi, I-” your voice cracked, barely above a whisper.

“Your hair,” Yoongi remarked, cutting you off, tone flat and quiet. “You cut your hair.” His eyes narrowed at you.

You swallowed the lump that had lodged itself in your throat. “Just...wanted a change, I guess.”

Hide. You wanted to hide.

“You seem to have gone through a lot of changes,” Yoongi said, bitterness seeping into his voice.

You winced at the implication of his words. You took a deep breath to try and collect yourself before replying.

“Can we...can we not do this here?”

“Fine.”

“I live around the corner. Maybe we could just...talk?” you asked, averting your eyes to the ground. When you didn’t hear a reply, you looked back up to Yoongi, who nodded at you once in agreement.

Abandoning your would-be purchases, you walked out the front door of the store, Yoongi silently following behind you. You felt his eyes burning into your back.

Just put one foot in front of the other, you thought to yourself.

As you and Yoongi silently walked to your apartment, neither of you noticed the camera pointed at the two of you, snapping the photo that would change everything.

// Part 2

---

Taglist: @loveyoongles​ @agustd-2020​ @delacyrose224​ @crispychanniee​ @sunshinejunghoseokie @jinsearthh

Want to be added to the tag list? Let me know!

Check out my other work! ❤️ 

[threewaysdivided]

Hello and welcome to the mess!  I’m ThreeWaysDivided, also known as 3WD.

Statistically you are here from either my Young Justice: Deathly Weapons fanfic (in which case yes, I’m still writing it, it’s just that Life Happens So Much) or the Van Gogh quote (in which case, in the interest of not deceiving you: this is not a quote/inspo blog, I do that sometimes but for the most part we post nonsense here, sir).

Anything important we should know about you?  

I am a legal adult and have been for several years, and if that is something you have boundaries about then that is A-Okay.

Are you in other places?

I am!  You can find me writing on Fanfiction.net and Archive of Our Own, and goofing about on DeviantArt and Discord (ThreeWaysDivided#3586).

What can we find here?

Madness.  A rather quiet sort of madness involving plentiful food and plushies, in which we at least try to be balanced and approach things in good faith but still - this way lies madness.

But I suppose you mean content…

Fanfiction (#my writing)

As mentioned, my main fic is Young Justice: Deathly Weapons, a YJ x DP crossover (FFN | AO3).  The #young justice: deathly weapons tag will give you all the content, asks etc. about it, or use #yj:dw if you only want to see chapter release posts and my ‘official’ art pieces.  

If you want to know what I’m up to you can take a peek under #writing update, or send an ask should you need to tap the glass more vigorously.  There is also a discord server.

Wondering if you can make something for, or use part of my work in a thing?  See my Transformational Works Permission Statement.

Talking About Writing (#writing advice)

Sometimes I write my own thoughts, sometimes I share other posts, either way here we talk about the meta of story-telling, analyse how stories and writing techniques work, chat about tropes and all that good stuff.

Big Essays (#scattered thoughts)

Ever wondered what those long Youtube media videoessays would look like if produced by someone with no film or editing skills?  Ever thought they were just too audiovisual and wished you could read a transcript instead?  Boy do I have a thing for you!

You may recognise such smash hits as Tumblr Post Plus is Not Your Friend, Thoughts About Sam Manson, Young Justice’s Terrible Failure of Narrative and Why Does the Danny Phantom Fandom Attract So Many Asexuals?

Art (#my art), Cooking (#3WD Cooks) and Fabric Craft (#sewing)

Sometimes I paint, sometimes I draw, sometimes I bake and sometimes I sew my own pokedolls, whatever takes your fancy.

Fun/ Cool/ Inspiring Anecdotes (#amazing stories)

None of these are mine, they’re just stories I found around and think are Neat.

Short Stories (#original writing)

Cool original fiction pieces by other writers.

Animal Shenanigans (#animal shenanigans)

Sadly I do not own animals but I love seeing the wild things they get up to.

Interesting Quotes (#quote of the day)

Because sometimes I am an inspo blog.

Photography (#photography)

A collection of other’s photos, mostly of natural world stuff, especially birds, flowers and insects.

Fandom Nonsense

In which there be art, meta, fic and other assorted delights.  Tagged by fandom, most commonly Danny Phantom, Batman, Young Justice, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Fullmetal Alchemist, My Hero Academia, Hollow Knight, Dan Jones & Dragons, Marvel and The Dragon Prince.

Is there anything I might need to watch out for?

I try to keep my blog relatively “all ages” so you won’t see explicit or graphic content, NSFW or even much swearing here.  That said sometimes I do talk about heavy or challenging topics such as mental health, loss, relationships and abuse.

I try to tag appropriately so everyone can sort and filter according to their needs but if you need an extra tag on a post then please feel free to let me know.

[sleeping-lilies]

Title: I Get Tim a Cat Because It’s What He Deserves (oh and i guess a group chat 🙄)

a batfam/wayne family groupchat would literally never happen in canon but it would be so fucking funny you all don’t even know, so i will do it anyways.

the chat just kinda... starts. no one know where it came from. who added them. who??? none of their emotionally stunted asses would be caught dead making making a family chat tf? why can’t any of them leave? they smash their phones and then on their laptop a notification pops up like “you’ve joined ‘x’ group” and they’re stuck there. might as well use it ig, but for what???

“everyone who is alive type ‘i’” no one responds so bruce spends hours trying to find out where their bodies are until he finds out everyone just had the chat on mute

“why isn’t alfred on here” “huh. alfred isn’t on here and no one knows who made the chat?” “so whoever made it just left immediately?” “...” “lol anyways”

tim was trying to send a snap to the core four gc but accidentally sent it to the family chat and gets super embarrassed (of course this happens when everyone’s online why wouldn’t they if it makes tim’s life more difficult) and everyone makes fun of him. duke printed out copies and plastered them all over tim’s apartment while tim was out for something and tim nearly murders duke. after that no one puts the chat on mute because this was too funny.

no one actually, like, texts on a regular basis because they’re not like other families 🙄 they only text if it’s really important or someone’s dying.

that’s being said, “dick where is dog” “send doggy” “dog?” “send doggy” “dick when did you get a dog?” “SEND DOGGY” “i demand you send the dog this instant” “dog now.”

damian breaks into dick’s apartment to take a selfie with him and haley (or bitewing, haley is just shorter to type) captioned “she is mine this is a warning to all of you. i will not hesitate if any of you low lives come near her.” and dick is like “??? this is my dog i can’t have anything these days, siblings take everything, man—” oh ya, everyone reacts to the haley photo with a heart. also dick only lets this shit slide with damian, if jason the problem child pulled this shit it would be on sight lmfaooo

- tim: the dog is cute but, but in photography i learned you have to crop out everything unimportant, like this *crops out damian from the photo*

- in other news, tim joined the dead bats club and now only bruce and duke are left 😃🔪

bruce: check in if you are alive. *everyone’s status is online*

u don’t know about y’all, but my bruce wayne is a responsible father who keeps an eye on his kids, or at least does his best, “has anyone seen duke? he has school and i can’t find him” “i will find him... if you give me $50.” “i will give you the money jason just tell me where he is” jason sends a photo of himself and duke laying down on the floor eating pop tarts.

-“literally why do you all keep coming into my apartment” “our apartment, dick” “i pay for this apartment it’s mine, i keep living in blüdhaven for a reason, god, siblings always steal everything that’s your’s—” it’s ok guys dick simultaneously has eldest daughter’s syndrome and absent sibling syndrome, who is doing it like him? legend behavior. anyways, duke and jason left crumbs on the floor and dick beat them up lmao.

“can i have money” “dad” (theyre sent by same person just different text) “yes cass i will sent you as much as you need, $2,000 is enough for shipping with friends?” “dad can i have money too” “dad can i too” “may i have some too dad” “dad” “dad” fhdjdjsks they only call him dad when they’re dying, want something, or are tattling on each other, someone save him 😩

“@everyone the interviewer in the last segment asked me if we have a family chat and i have a feeling they will try to pry into my texts to see what we are texting, please actually send something so they don’t get even more nosy from our lack of communicating” *someone sends the bee movie script*

ok but like, as time goes on they get more comfy texting each other and acting like a normal(ish) family unit that texts a little more. like tattling.

“someone broke the vase in the hallway and if they don’t want me to tell pennyworth who did it they will buy alfred the cat a new scratching post by nightfall” damian is so funny i love him

“HELPPVHRNXKAK” “what’s up with jason?” “cass is sitting on him” “lol” “i think she’s gonna break his arm fhdjdksk” “ANDBSJ I HAT E YO U A LL” “when did you all come to the manor???”

“😂” bruce vs “lol” dick and cass vs “agdhsjak” tim and duke vs “hA” jason vs “i don’t find any of you funny” damian

“damian i am putting your lemon cake pop thingies in the last bottom shelf on the right, i put the code and everything in the safe” “how often does damian even come to your apartment, dick?” “whenever you’re being an asshole bruce” “he’s always an asshole dickhead 🙄” “exactly 🥰”

“dad guess what” “TIM NOOO” “remember when” “TIM TIM TIM” “you told duke to take the day shift” “I WILL NEVER POST YOUR SNAP PHOTOS TO A GROUPCHAT WITH THE ENTIRE SUPERHERO COMMUNITY AGAIN!!!” “and he agreed to if he did his school work first?” “MERCY, MERCY” “what did he do, tim” “fjdjxkskkz duke goes on school zoom meetings during patrol and pretends he doesn’t have a mic and camera and i was watching his helmet footage and it was so funny, the teachers just believe him when he pretends to have really bad network and can barely type in the chat” “my teachers never trusted me that much” “that’s because you made a kid cry once jason stfu” “wait how did u know that cass—“

“AHDBSNZKAJHF” “stfu duke” “what’s wrong with him where is he?” “cain came to visit” “ohhhh” “FHDJFJDJ HELLPPPXSND” “i know you’re taking a video, you little shit, send it” “no todd come here and take one yourself—or don’t, your presence is unwanted” “fucking brat”

“DAD DICK HIT ME” “DAD JASON’S LYING” *bruce wayne online* (he doesn’t fucking respond fhsjskla) (is it because he’s exasperated with them or crying because they called him dad even though it’s a manipulation tactic or both we’ll never know)

“everyone who is alive, type in chat” *everyone is online* then bruce edits the message to say ‘everyone who wants alfred’s cinnamon rolls, type in chat’ “i guess NO ONE wants alfred’s cinnamon rolls, how sad” and the entire chat goes wild lmfao

ok uhhh let’s do on a scale of 1-10 texts most vs is online the most

bruce: 6-texting, 5.9-online because he always makes an effort to text his kids to check up on them and when his kids are texting he will text as well here and there in the convo to interact with them because he never sees and interacts with them normally and he wants to do better 🥲. he get’s minus 0.1 because of that one time jason and dick were fighting and he logged off agdhsjnz

dick: 3-texting, 3.5-online because he’s the only one in this hellhole of a family that has an actual job (in this house we uphold gymnastics teacher grayson 🙏) and sometimes he won’t have energy to text. so. but he does make an effort when he can. he’s online more than he texts because he’s able to sneak looks at the fights when he has downtime during his job and wants to see the drama lmfaooo. also everything goes on in his fucking apartment for some reason, so now he gotta break up a (one sided) fight between cass and tim because someone has to be a responsible adult.

cass: 2-texting, 10-online because she watches more than she texts? she’s more content to watch what’s going on than to join in. also 8/10 she’s usually the one causing the drama that everyone’s texting about, like beating up the others, so she can’t text while beating them up. i mean she could, but she wants to put more energy in beating them up (lovingly) (cass is basically violence (loving)) and watching what everyone’s saying about her fights. she’s always online to catch a glimpse at the drama. also most of her texts are to dick to see bitewing. and ask for money.

jason: texting-8, online-4 because if cass is the one causing drama offline, jason’s causing drama online. jason wants to be chat cryptic but texts the most lmfaoooo. he’s antagonizing his siblings whenever he sees them and whenever he can’t, king shit. he’s online less because he deadass doesn’t care that much, he’ll read the texts later if he really wants to, otherwise either duke or tim will fill him in on the drama. (“jason ur in the chat too—“ “shut up, tim, now tell me how cass beat damian’s ass)

tim: texting-6.44444, online-10, see tim texts a lot just not to the family group chat lmfao, he has REAL FRIENDS 😤 uhh ya, that’s why he’s online all the time, cuz he’s either texting his friends or on his phone doing some shit. broke: tim stays up late working on cases, woke: tim stays up late texting his friends and playing video games over chat. tim just. interacts with his family, gets bullied by them, ya. that’s the life. also he and duke keep throwing hands because it’s the family curse to beat up tim and in this essay i will discuss how dick is the superior sibling because he never tried to kill tim—wait he probably pushed him down the stairs once nvm but it was totally justified, king

duke: texting-4, online-4 because he has, like, school. and daytime patrol. and is like a junior in high school and therefore has a fuck ton of homework. my boy has no time for family and he doesn’t want it because they’re annoying, obviously 🙄. if he wants drama he’ll go into damian’s room and get the drama. diy icon. he’s online as much as he texts but is so fast of a reader he’ll know the drama in time for the next episode of wayne family shit. most of his time online is picking fights with tim and roasting his siblings to a crisp. he’s so mean, guys, legend has it that one time duke told jason that his helmet looked like a shriveled up dildo and that it could never be the gay statement he wanted it to be jason went offline for that entire day in order to cry himself to sleep. at least he got sleep (allegedly) ayyy duke the problem solver.

damian: texting-1.5, online 2 because the only time he’s texting is to ask dick for photos of bitewing and to send photos of his pets back as proper payment. a negotiator ugghhh father like son. damian honestly doesn’t care about the drama he just wants to sketch bitewing (using the photos dick sent as reference) into the Family Portrait Sketch™️ of the rest of the Animal Family™️. it is an honor for damian to create such a piece, picasso the women hater quakes in his grave as such art that blows his dog shit “art” FAR out of the water is developing. anyways, he goes online for that and to throw random barbs at his siblings. like no one is online and damian just throws a “drake is stupid” in chat and just dips. he’s online more to text the other teen titans and jon because they’re better than his dumbass family (and he texts grayson on messenger so fhdjdjsks) true chat cryptic, jason envies him

alfred: 0-texting, 10-online. huh who said that

“duke take down the tik toks, tim is crying”

“who has my sweatshirt??? i will kill you all” “i have it jason” “nvm cass that’s your sweatshirt now i’m sorry for being presumptuous don’t aTTACK ME” fhdjdjsks

“guys i have the day off do you want to hear when delilah said to jonathon it’s so funny” “are those the kids in your gymnastics class?” “ya” “tell us everything”

the bats just... love hearing drama about those kids because they’re so dramatic. apparently alex threw a rubber ball at maya and she tackled them. wild.

time for a round of: WHO SAID IT?!?!

“how do i make my text bold like the rest of you?” —bruce, dick, cass, and jason at some point.

“how do i change my screen name? please change it back to before” -cass when tim changed her name to “hal jordon #1 stan” (“what is a stan” —bruce), (“i don’t like it either change it back” —bruce after finding out what a stan is)

“what the fuck is a pog” —jason

“fucking ‘tik tok’. we used to use vine when i was a teen. i was a front line soldier of great disasters” —dick on one hand lmfao dick is so old but on the other hand holy shit you used vine??? tell us more about the battles fought

“what is a dilf?” —bruce after scrolling through twitter

ok that’s all, my brain is gone.

“cass dick is turning purple get off him” “no. make him give me my scarf back.” “oh dad that’s terrible can you send a video as evidence?”

“GUYS I FOUND A CAT AND IT SCRATCHED ME AND IM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL BUT GUYS!!! CAT!!!” “drake send a photo of the cat immediately” lmfao bruce zooms to the hospital after that text

“GUYS THE CAT HAS AN OWNER I CANT KEEP THE CAT 🥲” “the one time you could prove to be of use and you fail, drake.” “wow tim, find a cat to steal without an owner next time” “timmy, timmy, timmy, i can’t believe you’ve messed up in finding a cat again” “again?” “again?” “again?” “when i adopt a cat i’m not showing any of you, i hate you all” (lmao hard version of guess who is who i’ll give you a hint dick cass and bruce are the confused ones. )ok it’s not hard anymore.

“dad please get me a cat 😳🐱 haha jk 🤣😩 unless 👀😏😃🙏🥰” anyways tim named the cat starry because of her fur-hair-thingy

“they just so you all know steph just crashed in my apartment and i have work in the morning” “i will pick her up in the morning” “you mean tim will, you don’t have a license, cass. anyways”

“dick do you need help moving?” “no, bruce, i think i can handle it, donna and wally are helping me anyways, but thank you” “mOVING???” “OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT???” “DICK THAT SAME APARTMENT ON 666 HELLHOLE AVENUE???” “...ya?” “NOOOOO” anyways they all break into dick’s new apartment when he moves in, walk around it, and then leave. they just... ya... damn, these bats...

anyways that’s all. see ya.

[hualianff]

More Than This VI 《V》

It’s no surprise XL gains his own taste of fame after walking the red carpet with one of the most sought-after actors in the country. He doesn’t mind it, going as far as to create a few social media accounts to interact with fans and scroll through their photos and edits of him. He has a few fan sites too, but only for fancy events where he chooses to be recognized in public.

XL and HC agreed before sharing their relationship with the public that they would maintain a strong sense of privacy when it came to their personal lives. They only share what they want to. The paparazzi who manage to take photos without permission are immediately disciplined so it doesn’t happen again.

(“I can’t believe you did it.”

“Hmm, Gege said he was okay with it.”

“I know! But I didn’t expect you to actually....” XL stares at a recent selfie of them HC had posted on his Twitter, taken the night HC won his award. “We look like we just had sex.”

“Nobody’s gonna know.”

XL raises an unimpressed eyebrow at his boyfriend. HC insists again.

“Nobody’s gonna know-”

“They’re gonna know,” XL says with a sigh, pointing to the hickey marks clearly visible on the photo. HC rolls over closer to XL in their bed, scrutinizing the image on XL’s phone.

“Oh, I didn’t see those when I posted the photo.”

“San Laaang!” XL cries, pushing at the taller man’s shoulder before burying his face into his pillow. HC makes XL breakfast in bed as an apology and promises to not drunk-post anything again.)

Eight months after officially dating–which is over two years since they met–HC asks XL to move in with him. XL doesn’t even need to think about his answer, a simple “Yes! Yes please!” escaping his lips. Both HC and XL’s faces light up with overjoyed smiles.

They seem to have had the same idea about where to live, purchasing a home they’ve been eyeing for months! The best aspects include a massive yard (front, side, and back) for XL to tend to, a hot tub, and a spacious living and dining room area to entertain guests. It’s not the grandest or most impressive residence by size or feature. In fact, the first months have them living in a half-finished, rusty house with the prettiest garden you’ve ever seen.

It gradually gets better. HC and XL knew they would have to do a lot of work to improve the shape of their home. Over the next year, they repair and remodel the house themselves, simultaneously adding value to the property and curating the style to fit their dream home. XL makes sure to post progress photos on his social media. His most recent selfie of HC and himself in hardware glasses got over 500k likes! He pinned HC’s comment that said, “Gege is my own very handyman!”

(HC, in a sleeveless tee, shorts that show off his ass, hair pulled back into a high bun: “Gege, you’re the boss now. Tell me what to do.”

XL, struggling not to gawk at HC’s side boobs: “O-okay, first, can you smash those cabinets-”

Cue them making out against the counter when it’s the only part of the kitchen that is fully done.)

***

Having a partner who considers the outdoors as a second home is a special experience. XL often takes HC on dates to national parks and plant nurseries. They go on weekend camping trips where XL teaches HC how to properly filter water, summit long stretches of terrain, and stay warm during cold nights with below-freezing temperatures.

(HC, trying to fit into XL’s sleeping bag: “Hi, gege-”

XL: “San Lang, you have your own sleeping bag that you can actually fit in.”

HC: ‘But I’m cold. Gege helps keep me warm.”

XL: “Fine. But let’s use yours because it’s bigger.”

HC, kissing XL’s forehead: “Thank you, my love.”)

On their hikes, XL points to different plants, explaining their origins and why he finds each one particularly beautiful. At first, HC picks up random flowers on the way home and then he asks XL about what flower fate gave him that day to gift his beloved. (“San Lang, that’s not allowed!”) HC eventually stores all the random facts in his mind, always eager to listen to XL talking about his passion. He also learns to keep his hands from digging up “poor, helpless plants from their home soil.”

However, this unfortunately doesn't prevent HC from accidentally squishing some plants in their yard that he thought were just weeds.

(HC, thinking he’s a good partner: “Get out, stupid weeds. CHOP CHOP!”

XL: “SAN LANG STOP, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”

HC: “Gege always works so hard. I just wanted to help you in the yard today because you deserve it.” 🥺

XL: *sigh* “I appreciate the gesture, San Lang. But those particular grasses took months to grow, and you just killed them-“)

***

Countless media outlets try to stir up trouble like they typically do with celebrities. Especially when HC has roles that involve romance, articles claiming HC and XL are on the brink of breaking up receive lots of attention. However, what gains more attention are the videos the couple posts on Youtube or Instagram live of their reactions to their “scandals.”

(XL, reading a headline: “Actor bachelor Hua Cheng and co-star Yushi Huang seem to be cozying up after a late-night shoot.’”

HC: “I’m not a bachelor, the fuck?”

XL, smiling: “You could be. Me as well. We can be bachelors together.”

HC, chuckling: “All right. If gege is, then so am I.”

The comments: “That doesn’t make any sense!?”

HC, reading another headline: “HC’s lover found with a mysterious third party??”

XL, exclaiming: “Oh, that’s Shi Qingxuan! You know, the designer for all our red carpet outfits!” 🥰🥰

HC: *nodding along*

XL, cheekily: “-and my secret second-lover”

HC: *blanches* “What.”

XL: “Kidding!!!! San Lang is the only one for me, hehe.” *kisses HC’s cheek* “Okay, next one!”)

Everyone watching the videos is 50% confused and 50% entertained as HC and XL make light of any drama the media portrays them in. Viewers accept that of course, the rumors aren’t true; HC and XL are still very much in love.

They’re in love with each other and will continue falling for many years to come.

***

HC doesn’t like watching himself on screen. However, he does enjoy previewing his own movies for the first time with his boyfriend.

While XL watches the new movie, HC observes XL’s reactions. It helps that XL is a conversational movie watcher too. XL’s narrations consist of horny comments during the sexual scenes (“Ooh, that’s hot. Nice tongue.” “Thank you?”), side remarks about the plot and characters (“San Lang, your character is very rude.” “...”), and dramatic reactions to the huge reveal scenes where HC becomes a human punch bag. (“Oh my goooosh, San Lang!! It was him all along- AHH!!”)

As a perfectionist, something you have to be in HC’s field of work, HC is incredibly self-critical of his performance. Which is another reason why it’s nice to have XL watch alongside with, who never has a shortage of praises for his boyfriend.

(HC: “Fuck, why did they leave this shot in the final? I’m supposed to be mourning for my dead lover but instead, I look like I’m crying out of daddy issues. Why did no one tell me!? It looks so bad-” *pointing to himself on the screen* “-stop looking so constipated-!”

XL, squeezing HC’s nape and massaging his shoulders: “San Lang, no one thinks that except for you. You did everything perfectly. Please acknowledge your hard work and just enjoy the movie.”

HC: *sigh* “You’re right. Okay. Thanks, gege.”

A beat of silence. HC cuddles closer to XL.

HC: “Love you.”

XL: “Love you too.”)

***

XL now knows HC’s movies well enough to quote HC’s lines in his movies to make him laugh. HC happily indulges him, questioning after breaking character, “Gege, are you sure I’m the actor out of the two of us?”

One time, HC and XL are in their kitchen re-enacting a scene with HC as the investigator going to a bartender for more information on his suspect. HC has XL caged against the counter, asking in a teasing manner, “How can I repay you for your help tonight?”

XL lowers his eyelids, looking up through his lashes, flawlessly depicting his character. “Any restrictions on your offer?”

“No, darling. Name a price, a brand, a desire. Right now, anything is on the table,” HC says huskily. XL slyly bites his lip.

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

XL brings a hand up to cup HC’s jaw, then smooths it down his neck, traveling down his bare chest. XL tilts his head to expose his neck, wanting to build up his boyfriend’s anticipation. But before he can say his next line, HC effortlessly throws XL over his shoulder like a bag of rice.

“San Lang, wait, this is not how it went in the movie!” XL shouts, a little dizzy from the sudden lift turning him upside down. HC takes long strides to their bedroom, plopping XL on their mattress and blanketing him with his larger frame.

HC only utters a husky “we’re improvising” before diving down to devour XL’s lips. XL’s arms hook around HC’s neck, holding him impossibly close.

***

After a filming shoot where HC’s character gets beaten up–HC performing his own stunts–he heads home beyond exhausted. He just wants to take a relaxing shower and cuddle his boyfriend in their warm bed.

HC arrives at their house a little past midnight. He opens the door and finds XL’s back facing him, quietly humming a song as he takes care of the vase in the living room. The sight makes HC smile.

However, as XL turns around, the vase slips from his hands and explodes into pieces on the ground.

“San Lang! What happened to you!?” XL cries out, the panic in his voice only comparable to the day he had confessed. HC stands in the doorway confused. Was something wrong with his appearance?

XL is on him in an instant, his pupils shaking as he frantically asks, “Does it hurt a lot? What happened!?”

HC blinks, expression blank as he still doesn't understand what has freaked XL out. But as the shorter man gently caresses HC’s face, it suddenly hits him.

The make up!

HC urgently starts rubbing the fake bruises off his face. “Gege, I’m okay! It’s just make up, none of this is real. See?” He holds his hands out for XL to see as the pigment stains HC’s palms. “I’m so sorry! San Lang is dumb, he didn’t mean to make you worry,” HC murmurs as he takes XL between his arms. He really loves this man too much.

XL’s teary eyes shine glimmer as HC embraces him. “Y-you’re sure you’re okay?”

HC nods, leaning into the slender hand that cups his cheek.

“Thank goodness,” XL breaths out as he buries his face into HC’s neck. His next words are slightly muffled. “It looks…so realistic.”

“Yeah, the make up artists are all quite talented, aren’t they?”

XL clings tighter to HC.

“Very much so. Let’s shower so we can properly wash it off.”

“All right,” HC says. “Wait, we?”

XL tugs HC toward the master bathroom.

“Hush, let’s go.”

***

They lay in bed together after four long months of separation. Both of them had been in different parts of the country; HC filmed a drama series while XL traveled for several high-profile projects. Their respective busy work schedules limited communication to brief video chats and text messages, which never seemed enough.

Now, with his head resting on HC’s chest, their legs overlapping comfortably, XL finally feels like he’s where he belongs.

“Why did you choose me?”

Tactical fingers massage XL’s scalp, lulling him into a serene state of bliss. XL nuzzles further into his boyfriend-sized pillow.

“It’s not like I can choose who I fall in love with, Gege,” HC states with a light chuckle. “But if you want an answer, it’s because you are everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner.”

XL looks up at his boyfriend, mouth forming a shape of an O.

“That simple? Even when we made a deal to have no strings attached?” XL asks. HC groans at the reminder of their initial agreement.

“Yes, which was a dumb decision on my part.”

“I agreed to it too. We were both dumb.”

They are silent for a moment. It’s not the first time they’ve talked about or referenced their insecurities when it came to confessing their feelings. XL’s luck when it came to dating someone who could love him for every part of him was practically nonexistent. HC’s constant grappling for his self-identity and worth rendered most of his relationships superficial. And temporary.

Always temporary.

“I can’t believe you thought I didn’t like your plants though. They’re so pretty. And fascinating.” HC says, breaking the silence.

“They take up half our living room space.”

“So? You work with plants all day. They’re bound to be a part of your personal life as well.”

XL’s heart bursts with a sudden fondness. It’s a wonderful thing to be appreciated for the little things.

“I’m glad you think so,” he says happily. HC hums in response, sending vibrations to where XL’s cheek lays on his chest. “I can’t believe I didn’t know you were a famous actor for the first three months we…”

“Met up for sex?” HC finishes with an impish grin.

“Yes,” XL laughs.

“It was nice not to be recognized for once. With you, I could just be myself,” HC says with ease he never thought he would be able to do. He’s struggled with letting himself be vulnerable his whole life. It turns out, HC just had to find the right person. And thank god he did. XL is more than HC’s outlet from his career. He’s become HC’s closest friend who knows him the best; he is HC’s number one supporter in any endeavor he pursues; he makes HC feel important. XL sees and loves HC for who he is. No amount of fame or wealth could come close to comparison.

“Gege?”

“Hmm?”

“Does it ever bother you that my life is always everyone else’s business?” HC softly asks.

“Well, the fame can be a bit…uncomfortable,” XL admits. “But you’re an amazing actor. And a remarkable person. I can’t blame your fans for loving you so much, you know? I also got to ride in a limo-“

“Which you rode very well-”

XL flicks his boyfriend’s forehead.

“You’re so predictable.”

“You would’ve said the same thing given the chance. Don’t lie, gege.”

They go back and forth a little longer, never once creating unnecessary distance between each other as they roll around until they’re on their sides. Facing each other in their bed that’s been vacant for months, HC and XL are inseparable.

“As I was saying, fame is something that comes with your job–your passion. You can’t control it, nor does it solely characterize who you are. Besides, I get to be a part of your life! That’s all that really matters,” XL continues. He shifts forward so their bodies are closely pressed together. XL plants a kiss on HC’s chin, then whispers a confession that tilts HC’s entire world on its axis.

“I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone like you.”

HC’s world spins and spins until all that he sees is his beloved, gleaming brighter than all the galaxies without the power to disrupt their orbit. He wraps his arms around XL and kisses the top of his head.

“Me too, Gege.”

Bonus:

HC watches wearily as XL salivates at a showering scene where HC’s bare ass flashes in the frame. XL turns to HC with a serious look in his eyes.

“San Lang! Hiking has done your ass wonders.”

XL sneaks a grope to a meaty cheek. HC chokes.

***

“You can’t be late to your own premiere!” XL cries incredulously.

“Try me,” HC purrs into XL’s ear, delicately kissing the lobe.

XL gasps as teasing hands roam around his torso, one of them slipping down to cup his behind. He vaguely thinks about how SQX is expecting them in the next hour to help with their red carpet outfits. But when hungry lips attach to the sensitive column of his neck, XL is a goner.

“Gege doesn’t have to do any work. Just lay back and look pretty.”

(Brainchild with @no-one-says-hi!)