#you decide how to deconstruct and then rebuild it

[mageknight14]

"Trust Your Partner": How NEO TWEWY Deconstructs and Reconstructs the Original

I think one of the most interesting things NEO TWEWY does as a sequel is how it takes the original’s game motif of "trust your partner" and explores that to show the negative downsides of that mindset before rebuilding it up again through new lenses.

In the original, "trust your partner" is a motif that’s there to encourage Neku to learn that it’s okay to be vulnerable and that not everyone in the world is out to get you. That you can become strong enough to withstand any emotional hardships that come your way.

In the ending, Neku is rewarded for taking this lesson to heart and being unable to bring himself to shoot Joshua due to a combination of coming to value their relationship and still subconsciously trusting Joshua to do the right thing even in spite of everything he had done to him by getting revived back to life alongside the friends he had made connections with. He can't forgive Joshua for what he had done but he still trusts him regardless and it's a dynamic that still holds true in NEO.

In OG TWEWY, this lesson works for Neku because almost everyone in the game was acting in good faith, doing what they felt was the right thing in the long-run. This was essential towards helping Neku learn to heal from the trauma caused by the death of his best friend and have him open up again. That even if he gets emotionally hurt, he can still keep moving forward.

But NEO looks at that motif and explores a different side to it, showing how the original lesson can be taken into an unsavory direction if exploited by certain kinds of people or their mindsets. How bad faith actors can and will destroy you if you’re not careful. This is a theme that the game thoroughly explores, from Shiba’s relationships with the Shinjuku Reapers and Kubo to Rindo’s dynamic with Motoi, showing off the consequences of what blind faith and never questioning your idols can do.

However, I think the day that best exemplifies this theme in full is W3D2, the Shoka/Ayano day. I think it should be emphasized that Shoka and Ayano DO genuinely care for each other; their actions show that off incredibly well. However, it’s a relationship that’s been broken down by the events that happened around and between them. Ayano, unable to decide who to trust anymore in the chaos that’s happening around her, latches onto Shoka as a security blanket (she even names her iguana after her!) and tries to do everything to keep her at her side, even gaslight her, out of fear that she will abandon her too. An aspect of her that only gets worse as she gets possessed by Plague Noise.

She’s convinced herself that Shoka is just being led around by her emotions, not being able to see that she’s denying and suffocating Shoka’s agency, and that she’s secure in the choices that she’s made (though it’s understandable given what happens to former Reapers in the end). 

On the other side of the coin, Shoka isn’t able to see for herself until the end that Ayano deeply, deeply misses Shinjuku and that trying to show her what life in Shibuya can be like has only depressed her even more, with Shibuya Survivor showing this in detail. She was simply content to have Ayano by her side, never fully thinking deeper about their relationship and its issues. And when Ayano is too far gone to the influence of the Plague Noise, Shoka throws all caution to the wind and tries to save her only to get herself killed.

All of this shows the limit of trusting your partner for both sides. Ayano can't see that Shoka’s made her own decision and is going to stick with it, and Shoka can't see with a lot of convincing and support that Ayano can't simply be talked down. In a way Ayano's trying to give her life to Shoka by "saving" her and dragging her back to the Shinjuku gang and leaving Shibuya to be destroyed but she can't or doesn't care about the city due to her trauma, so she can't realize that is what Shoka cannot and wouldn't want. We as people can always do our best to trust and understand as much as possible, but there's a hard limit to how much that can work. Some people are NOT going to agree or come to a conclusion and in a lot of cases, it can be painful and tragic but we hit the limit of that.

So what we CAN do is to try and soften the blow and trust and be kind/understanding to Shoka and in this case, the motif of "trust your partner" gets built up again via showcasing Rindo and Shoka’s relationship. These convos show off what it means to be a true friend, to listen to them when they tell you how the situation they’ve been through has affected them, and how that has to be enough, with Rindo assuring to Shoka multiple times that he trusts her and that he won’t abandon her. Maybe he won’t agree with what she decides but he helps her to feel secure in her own agency and come to decide what she truly wants to do, reinforcing what Neku had to learn: becoming emotionally strong enough to deal with what happens next.

And the game showcases that the original lesson still holds true: it was possible to talk Shiba down by appealing to his humanity/better nature and Rindo still gives Motoi a second chances even in spite of what he had done to him.

Having faith/trust in the inherent goodness of others is NOT a weakness but just like how there are people who act with good faith in mind, there are also others who WILL try to screw you over for their own intentions or mistakenly think that what they believe is best for you. And in a time where topics such as parasocial relationships, false information, and isolation are explored more and more, I think it’s an especially important lesson/topic to explore.

[scribble-dribble-writes]

Loveless - (6)

<<<Prev Next>>>

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Pairing: Namor x Shuri and Attuma x Okoye 🥹

Word Count: 1800

Warning: none

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Chapter 6

It was a sight to behold, Talokans walking around with their masks and blue skin. The conflict between the kingdoms had eased with the new strategies that were implemented. Fear had to be deconstructed, they had to see it the way she did. She found herself back in her lab, tinkering and building, the Talokan youth who wanted to meet her were progressive. Intelligence at such young ages, they reminded her of the children she met through the Wakandan out reach program. Their flaw was that they were unexposed, misguided by the prejudice of their ancestors. Combining their technology proved to be useful, their water bombs were well made, their armour was much lighter than the ones Wakandans wore. Shuri created more units of the 'midnight angel' allowing her warriors to train with the Talokans in their way of fighting. Languages were being shared, the markets were now filled with food from under the sea, jewelers seeling pearls and Talokan artefacts. Trade was established, people grew into a wondrous community aiding in each other’s growth.

She purposefully took time away from the lab often, to walk through the city and enjoy the peace of solitude. But as she kept track on the submariner, she observed how he buried himself in duty. He spent time on the surface more, now that his people were here too but he never overstepped his bounds with her. He did not hover around her or shower he with gifts. He let her be, he would catch her gaze in the crowd and she would not look away. In her head, she was trying to recreate the peace they had in his cave, where she had been emotionally vulnerable with him. It was felt easy with him then, unlike the other men she had dealt with. Her mind felt valued.

She could talk about history, art, technology to deep sea mysteries, no topic was off limit. She was unable to fill that small vaccum with anyone else’s company. But it was too soon to decide if she was going to reconstruct that bridge between him and her. For now, it did feel better that he was here, sharing the burden and responsibility. She walked out by the river bed to see a troop of midnight angels undergoing training and in the middle, he stood on the deck with his spear. Teaching them to swivel and swing, like a dance that he was so well accustomed in it’s pattern. It was rather odd, not seeing him in the air, majestic and commanding, his ankle was still bound in bandages. She walked to the pier to observe the proceedings. His presence made her feel less alone in these changing times, his silence felt comforting. He glanced towards her and fumbled with his spear. He raised his hand, bringing the session to a pause.

“Training seems to be going well.”, she told him to which he smiled. “Yes, however I miss not being able to join them yet.”, he looked at the warriors who were at ease, their deep blue suits tinting the water around them. “The kids.”, he turned to her with excitement etched across his face. “They love you.”, he exclaimed. She’d only seen him like this once before, when he took her to Talokan. He beamed and behind his façade she saw the boy he was never allowed to be. “Its almost as if our conflict never happened.”, she looked around the busy place but he was looking at her. “If only it was.”, he replied softly. It was something she thought of often, she held his gaze, he held the same magnetism as the current she was pulled into. “I should let you go, princess.”, he broke away first, a supple smile on his lips. “I am sure you have better places to be.”, he turned to continue his training.

He sensed her move away after a pause, he ran through the rest of the routine and let the troops go. He found some task or the other to help with, putting up stalls around the market place, helping rebuild elements that had been destroyed. He spent time with the surface beings here, they were hesitant at first, when he came to understand that it was not their inhibition but rather their fear. They had only seen him once before, when he invaded their land. But through determination and perseverance, he found favour with them. His wounded wing was still healing, so he had to walk around a lot than usual. Turning a corner, he spotted an empty wall, one that had not been touched by any other work of art. His fingers itched for his brush, he borrowed paint from a passerby and settled himself by it to get to work.

Attuma was new to all of this. The only time he ventured to the surface was to put an end to witnesses and keep their secret safe. So to walk about other beings rather than his own was difficult to wade through. He didn’t know the language. He walked around like a sea monster, his head piece often bumping into something. Namora kept watch over Namor and in the time she didn’t, it was clear she wasn’t having a great experience. He wandered the streets till he saw a familiar face. “Warrior”, he called out and the figure turned to him. It was the woman he had fought with. She huffed and turned to walk away. “Wait.”, he caught up with her. “If you’ve come to ask me about a rematch, it’s a no.”, she spoke as she walked briskly weaving through the streets that was too fast for him to keep track, so he did his best to match her stride. “I won that fight fairly.”, she pointed a finger at him and he couldn’t help but chuckle. Her intensity amusing him.

“You did.”, he raised his hands in defense. Her face contorted into confusion. “Then why did you call for me?”, she folded her arms. “I wanted to try those.”, he pointed to the charcoal grilled chicken pieces. “I don’t know how to ask for it.”, he rubbed his neck. Okoye inhaled sharply as she realized. “Oh.”, she exclaimed. “Can you even digest those?”, she asked confused. He shifted his weight. “We’ll never know till we try.”, he told her and watched as she weighed out her options. Knowing there was nothing else to be done and how the others kept away from him, she knew that she was the only one who could help. “Fine. Come.”, she led him to the shop. The seller took a double take at his new customers. “Two of those please.”, she ordered but with a sidelong glance she could tell that Talokan warrior was busy observing her. “What?”, she asked annoyed. But it only made him smile. “Can you teach me?”, he asked her, “Your language.”, she heard and felt surprised.

Most people came to her for her ability to fight not her linguistic skills. She contemplated, it wasn’t about teaching him the language but rather all the time she would spend with him. “If I defeat you in a game of strength, I will teach you.”, she gave him the hot plate of chicken and took a seat in front of him. “Ok, what is the game?”, he asked and she placed her elbow on the table. She will lose and be free from this commitment. He followed her once he knew what she was doing. “This is the challenge?”, he asked, she nodded, so he clasped his large fist around hers. She counted down, and he felt her use her entire strength to topple his arm, his focus however was on her. She knew she had no chance against him. So slowly, he let her overpower him. His arm tilted like a meter, the people around began to cheer. Her surprised eyes caught his, he put up a fight and then, let go, his fist hit the table, she looked at him, stunned but even through her tan skin he detected the mild flush on her cheeks.

“You let me win.”, she told him. “No, you won the challenge fairly.”, he folded his arms in the fear she would ask for another attempt. The cheers died down, “Alright, I will teach you.”, she conceded as he smiled. “Don’t let it get to your head.”, she smirked as she got to leave. “Here.”, he nudged his plate towards her. “Our victory treat.”, he was sharing his meal, the gesture asking her to stay a while longer. Ever since her husband’s betrayal, she struggled with trusting people she didn’t know. If someone you thought you knew well enough, could turn against you? How can she believe him of all people? But his deep brown pleasing eyes looked like her pet rhinoceros, he had higher chances of getting lost and being involved in a fight. So in order to keep an eye on him, she dropped her bag and joined him. This was only to keep him in check, she told herself.

Shuri closed the lab for the day, the moon was high in the sky as she took a walk around a sleeping city. She found herself in new part of the town when it struck her as unusual to see a crowd gathered around a wall lit by a torch. She recognized it, from afar, it was a memorial. She eased herself, it was quite common for Wakandans to do so for people they had lost but it was the crowd that felt out of place. The closer she got, the faster her heart began to beat. It wasn’t a Wakandan memorial, the painting was in ancient Mayan. The flames flickered over the beautiful piece of artwork. She mindlessly walked through the crowed, enchanted, they parted to give way. It was a collage of her mother. She knew the artisan as she got closer, it was his work. He painted her in different versions, depicting her as a queen, a mother, by the bush defending her land and her final moment saving riri. Tying it all together was text written in Mayan. “Crio, translate this.”, she instructed her Ai. “Yes, princess.”, a blue light scanned the wall as she held up a kimoyo bead.

“I vow my life to protect the legacy she built. To never bring upon wakanda another dark day. This I, k’uk’ulkan, pledge and mark as proof that from henceforth in my eyes, we are one.”

Crio translated the written verse. The silence that followed was loud. She could not understand him. Unknowingly, tears streamed down her cheeks, not of sadness but from a place of happiness, that she got to witness her mother’s presence and have known her in all facets of her life.A feeling of gratitude encompassed her. She caught a glimpse of the paint supplies that had been left behind. She picked up the brush and translated the message such that her people could read. The crowd didn’t disappear but rather settled there for a while in the night. She sat amongst them on the ground, watching the painting shift with the flames making it look like her mother was alive. People shared stories of her mother, some that she knew and a few she didn't. History, lessed the weight in her heart, making her value the present, open with the possibility of forging a future that was not tainted by the past. Home was beginning to finally feel like it.

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My sweet precious fishboys 😩🥹

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[skratchytheclown]

I am unsure myself why I have started to be so kind, but I do enjoy your company and something about you makes me feel bad for you, If i could i would rebuild you so your comfortable and not to have wires in the back...

Mostly, cause I can see you being more talkable then your siblings or anyone else, even though you murder people. But I can see past that.... But since I am here I must ask....

With your life now... Are you mad of the outcome? Do you accept it? Or more strings attached to my question....

-Darius

"I hate it, but at the same time, I just accepted it. If I had the opportunity to change how things went that one day, I would take it, but now there is nothing I can do. You know how it feels for your body to be torn apart only to be held back together with bolts and staples? That's the kind of pain I have to deal with every day. Things creak, rupture, leak, smell... you get the idea. Also, I'm sure you're aware of Silvie, right? Nowadays, I'm not much more than her little toy. I have to run back to her when I malfunction, and she finds amusement in my hardships. By the way, you know about how she makes prosthetics now? You know who she had to deconstruct in order to gain that knowledge? Ahh, and how could I possibly forget the fact that I can't do anything anymore? It seems like my dear Silvea decided to pull some kind of cruel joke. Oh yes, I did indeed get the power she promised to me,... at the expense of everything else. Do you know what the worst part is? I hardly get the chance to do what I was built to do. My power is being wasted..

Well, it's rather hard to explain, but I did say it was complicated, so there.

I appreciate that you are trying to help, but I don't think there is much you can do either. I just have to live with the consequences of my actions.

[rappaccini]

do you ever think about how in 1970 on earth 616 gwen stacy and hobie brown first meet when he blasts through her living room window in a spider-man costume.

do you ever think about how gwen nearly escapes her narrative as the doomed good girlfriend by fleeing to london and the event that gets her on the plane is hobie standing guard outside her apartment in his prowler costume because he's worried spider-man will get her killed, and how that's hobie's first attempt at escaping his narrative as a reluctant villain. do you ever think about how he's right, because when gwen's ultimately drawn back to new york, she's murdered a few months later and it's arguably spider-man's fault.

do you ever think about how on earth 138, the world where hobie's anger at systemic inequality is validated as his parallels to peter parker are finally expanded into making him the spider-man, gwen stacy, rock icon, is hobie's idol whose music gave him a creative outlet for his anger, the language to articulate it and a community to support and be supported by, (whose murder probably radicalized him even further) and therefore is arguably the architect of the revolution he starts

do you ever think about how on earth 65, the world where gwen's anger at being denied respect and agency is validated as her white feminist tendencies are called out and deconstructed, gwen's radicalization arc begins with hobie blasting her in the face with spray paint and calling her on her girlboss bullshit (which she accepts and commits to fixing), and ends with hobie having quietly watched her redemption for a year and concluding that she's grown and changed into such a genuine hero that he decides to memorialize her

do you ever think about how in the worlds where they get to be the heroes, where hobie keeps the costume instead of borrowing it and it's his from the start, where gwen gets a life defined by herself and not her boyfriend, their alter egos' ideologies are shaped by their worlds' versions of each other and if not for having met each other they might never have become heroes at all

do you ever think about how as soon as spider-gwen and spider-hobie became aware of each other's existence they became fast friends in web warriors and hobie starts treating gwen like a peer instead of a love interest within one issue instead of years of publication like miles and peter, they were stuck to each other like glue during the battle in spidergeddon and were flirting in the corner of spider-brit's funeral, promising to be there for each other, and then they never met again

do you ever think about how gwen-65 and hobie-138 have both been informed by powerful multiversal beings that they're doomed to fates they'd both hate, but he's doomed to die young and have his memory disrespected posthumously by capitalists and she's doomed to live long after losing everything that makes her who she is for a life as spider-man's wife and babymaker, and they've both fully internalized their fates given how hobie doesn't care about his own self-preservation and gwen's coming untethered from her world and being pressured into 616, the home of the guy she's going to be forced into a romance with if she's there long enough. they can be heroes, but only for so long before something stops them, and their legacies will undo everything they stood for.

do you ever think about how in atsv, which came out exactly fifty years after the night gwen stacy died, gwen stacy and hobie brown are the closest they've ever been in any canon yet, so close that they may not be a couple but they have a shitload of chemistry and just mentioning each other makes gwen's love interest sweat, that they built that relationship in london and their bond is what sets gwen free from the spider-society, makes it possible to rebuild her personal life, return to her homeworld where she's the main character of her own story, and escape her narrative but in btsv gwen will almost inevitably give in to her role of Miles's Love Interest by the end and he will be expected to cheerlead them

do you ever think about how in every other universe where gwen and hobie have a significant interaction, every single time they get closer and closer to permanently changing their narratives for the better as they get closer and closer to each other. idk man i do.

[fincalinde]

how do you feel about yi city? i don't really go there but i know i've read some meta about how it's like 3zuns and a lot of people compare jgy and xy and was wondering what you thought.

I don't go there either and writing a post deconstructing the idea that there are parallels between Yi City and 3zun could get messy, but I'll make an attempt. Here goes, this got quite long.

As far as I'm aware, fandom when it conflates Yi City and 3zun draws parallels roughly thus:

JGY = XY

LXC = XXC

NMJ = SL

Well there sure are three guys in each group! I mean actually Yi City has four key characters but AQ is a girl and who cares about those right? Right? Fandom, as always I am regarding you disapprovingly over my lorgnette.

Character parallels (or a lack thereof)

XY is hyperviolent and takes excessive revenge for the smallest of slights and takes pleasure in extreme violence and cruelty. JGY endures an onslaught of slights with smiling forbearance, and while he commits acts of extreme violence always does so under duress or in service of a larger goal (though he can certainly enjoy it to a degree). He even outlines his personal philosophy to XY in Villainous Friends, which XY not only rejects but doesn't even fully comprehend.

XXC is an idealist with limited experience of the depths of human cruelty, vulnerable to being preyed on by bad faith actors exploiting said ideals, and when those ideals are shattered he is unable to endure it. LXC's entire deal is that he has a clear understanding of the gap between ideals and reality; witness, he is the one constantly pointing out how few options JGY has and how that informs his actions.

SL is a man of upright morals who wants to break from traditional clan-based practices. When he loses his temper with XXC in a highly emotional context, he subsequently feels deep shame and tries to find him to make amends. NMJ is a moral stickler, but hypocritical and obsessed with the blood-based legacy of his clan. He flies into regular rages which over time escalate to become more and more murderous; he never attempts to make amends for anything he has done during said rages.

Narrative parallels (or a lack thereof)

Again from what I can tell, a proportion of fandom seems to have decided that JGY is some kind of XY lite, hiding behind LXC's skirts and making a diabolical neko face as NMJ points out how evil he is and LXC blithely ignores it. This is then being conflated with XXC being tricked by XY and SL being the one whose arrival at Yi City blows up the status quo.

Except this isn't really accurate to either group.

LXC and NMJ are not partners in ideals or ambition. They each have very different ways of seeing the world and are each responsible for their own clans. They're good friends, but we know that LXC's motivation for suggesting the sworn brotherhood is to improve relations between NMJ and JGY i.e. to protect JGY from NMJ's wrath, and we know NMJ's motive is to regain authority over JGY. There's no indication that they would have entered into a sworn brotherhood with each other if JGY hadn't been present. They're good friends but they're just not a matched pair like XXC and SL.

JGY does not intrude on some cosy scenario and cuckoo his way into LXC's life by means of deception. He saves LXC's life, protects him, gives him the funds to rebuild his clan, and is upfront about who he is and what his parentage is from the beginning. Obviously he keeps secrets from LXC, but he doesn't enter LXC's life under false pretences. I presume people think JGY's use of Turmoil can be compared to XY's use of corpse powder, but there is an ocean of difference between using your friend's house key to steal a piece of paper you need in order to take out your mutual friend who has repeatedly and recently literally tried to kill you and ... literally tricking your friend into murdering a bunch of innocent villagers and laughing about it.

LXC knows a high percentage of what JGY has done and isn't defending him due to ignorance of his actions but due to a sincere belief in their necessity and/or an understanding that JGY's options are limited and he is doing the best he can in the circumstances. This attitude continues in the temple, when he refuses to turn aside from questioning JGY in an effort to reconcile JGY's additional secrets with the man he knows. Meanwhile, during the confrontation between XXC and XY, XXC is steadfast in his rejection of XY's thesis statement and when he succumbs it is to despair rather than to XY's justifications.

Rather than being oblivious to the danger JGY poses, LXC is not fully confronting the fact that NMJ is incredibly dangerous and an ongoing threat to JGY's life; and, for that matter, the lives of others too. Remember NMJ cut down plenty of his own cultivators under his qi deviation, and said qi deviation was merely accelerated rather than created by JGY's playing of Turmoil. SL is no danger to anyone and continues to selflessly travel and do good where he can. He takes ownership of his mistakes and commits to doing penance in the hope that he can ultimately make amends.

It really cannot be overstated how dangerous NMJ is both to JGY and everyone around him. He's a ticking time bomb and that is not remotely comparable to SL, a genuinely upright man who makes a huge mistake and in trying to put it right stumbles into a twisted situation and gets horribly murdered. SL isn't obsessed with the potential for destruction exhibited by a man who is doing his best to navigate an impossible situation because he has to follow his father's awful instructions or be eliminated; he's trying to stop the man who massacred his temple, maimed him, and used his own best friend as a murder weapon for the fun of it.

It's not that XY doesn't have affection for XXC; he clearly does love him in his own way, and XXC is the shizun cum father cum big brother he never had. It's notable that XY stops with the corpse powder after a while and settles into his domestic life with XXC and AQ (remember her). But he very obviously has no understanding of XXC's moral framework, and it's not that he learned better so much as he no longer has a desire to revenge himself on XXC and can't quite bring himself to examine that.

Miscellaneous dynamics (oh no, I'm going to talk about pairings)

Guys, A-Qing is there. She is there, like, she is super there, she is our viewpoint character, she is not some optional add-on. She's crucial to the entire dynamic and whenever I have dipped a toe in Yi City I'm usually frustrated to see that the miraculous plot change that has spared XXC has omitted to spare AQ. Or, if she is spared, she gets relegated to daughter or little sister status while XY is elevated to being one corner of the Songxuexiao triad.

So let's talk about pairings. Here is my position, which I must stress is based on MDZS not CQL.

If there is any significant potential for a romantic read on the relationships between any of these characters, it's solely between XXC and SL. They are completely committed to each other, love each other deeply, and are each the most important person in the other's life. SL is committed to finding XXC to right the wrong he did him, and XXC is so committed to SL that when he thinks he's to blame for the death of SL's surrogate family he literally gifts him his own eyes.

The dynamic between XXC and XY is really more of a familial or mentorly one. XXC is providing guidance and support that XY has never received in his life, and XY is responding as a child experiencing actual care for the first time. He's still not capable of understanding or accepting that his past actions are wrong, but, like a child, he thinks he can sweep them under the rug and go on as though they never happened. It's not that he's learnt better; it's that he doesn't need to commit mass violence any more.

But even if you could make a successful argument for XY's feelings being romantic, and even if you could successfully argue that XXC returns them (a massive stretch), whatever kind of relationship they have is fundamentally unworkable and doomed. Sooner or later, even in a scenario where SL survives, XXC will discover the truth and reject XY utterly. In their final confrontation he is hurt, appalled, trying to understand... but he's not trying to understand so he can find his way back to the XY he thought he knew. He's trying to understand in the way a shell-shocked soldier is trying to understand. He shows no openness to XY's explanations and no indication whatsoever that any reconciliation is possible.

XY doesn't understand this at first, but when he does realise it—that's the moment he reveals the presence of SL's fierce corpse. The moment of no return is years in their past, but XY only grasps this when XXC refuses to accept or engage with the narrative he's created in his own mind about how justified his actions are.

It's very telling that, when XXC is being slammed with revelations, the moment that finally breaks him is when he finds out that SL is dead by his own hand. And, to loop back round to dismantling false parallels between Yi City and 3zun, this should really be compared to LXC's reaction to his minor role in NMJ's death. He's appalled in the moment, but it doesn't even come up during the temple discussions and he's constantly seeking explanations and accepting the logic of many of JGY's responses.

[rabbitechoes]

every month I'm gonna try to post reviews of three albums from years past!! this week i wrote about one of the most masterful fusions of soul and funk of all time: Hot Buttered Soul by Isaac Hayes!!! also feel free to follow me on rate your music and twitter <3

Hot Buttered Soul - Isaac Hayes

◇ release date: May 1969 ◇ genres: funk, deep soul, smooth soul

Years ago, I went to the record store with a friend of mine, and while flipping through that store’s soul section we stumbled across this album. Obviously, we giggled. The album art is a top-down shot of this dude’s big bald head and it was called Hot Buttered Soul, it seemed inherently goofy. The protective sleeve over it in the store noted that it was an “ORIGINAL 1969 PRESS,” and the store only made those kinds of distinctions for very “important” albums. Because of that, we were intrigued. My friend decided to take the leap and buy it, not having heard a single note of the music. The owner of the record store seemed so excited when he brought it up there, heaping loads of praise onto it. A few days pass and this friend texts me and says something to the extent of “Dude, you need to listen to this!” Not long after, I listened to it on streaming and then proceeded to track down a vinyl pressing for myself almost immediately after. 

Hot Buttered Soul is a masterpiece, plain and simple. It’s a deconstruction and a rebuilding of pop and soul music. He stretches these compositions to their absolute end. Exploring every twist and turn of these tunes, it’s entrancing. The only song Hayes has a writing credit on is the second track “Hyperbolicsyllabicsesquedalymistic,” (wow, that’s fun to type) other than that this album is completely comprised of pop and soul hits from some of the most prolific songwriters of the decade. 

Isaac Hayes

The most iconic song here is Hayes’ version of Burt Bacharach and Hal David’s hit song “Walk On By.” A number-one hit for Dionne Warwick a few years prior, the version here is significantly different. What once was an easy-going lounge track is now an intense, sharp, overwhelming odyssey. Extending the song to a lengthy 12 minutes, leaving no stone unturned. Weighty string arrangements, fuzzy warm guitar courtesy of Funkadelic’s Harold Beane, the horns, and Hayes’ psychedelic organs, there’s just so much to this arrangement. Too much to mention in writing, it’s one of those songs that’s better experienced than read about. As a vocalist, Hayes fits perfectly. He’s captivating in his own way, but it never distracts from how captivating the entire arrangement is. You just get … doubly captivated. Absolutely blown away. Hearing this for the first time was so eye-opening and all these years later I’m still in awe of it. This song’s legacy could be written about to no end. It’s become a sample staple in the hip hop world. Sampled by countless artists, the likes of the Wu-Tang Clan, MF DOOM, 2Pac, and Beyoncé just to name a few. It’s one of the greatest songs of all time.

So with as colossal of an opener as that, does the rest of the album hold up? Yes, it absolutely does. “Hyperbolicsyllabicsesquedalymistic” (full disclosure, I copied and pasted it this time) cranks up the funkiness present in the previous song tenfold. The arrangement here is deep funk. Some have interpreted the lyrics to be about heroin addiction, which I can understand especially when the song refers to a doctor warning the narrator that the subject is a danger to his heart. However, the lyrics here almost feel like a means to an end. Hayes’ delivery is nonchalant like he’s just saying what best fits the groove of the song. Either reading of the song fits, it’s pretty brilliant.  It’s also a good reminder that this album’s sound is heavily indebted to not just the intricate orchestration, but from The Bar-Kays work as a backing band as well. These songs are just so masterful on every level.

The second side consists of two more songs. One being his version of “One Woman” written by Charles Chalmers and Sandra Rhodes. This is the most restrained song here, it’s not as sprawling or adventurous, it’s just a damn fine smooth soul cut. Interestingly enough, a month prior, Al Green would do a version of the song for his sophomore album Green Is Blues. With all due respect to Green, I prefer Hayes’ version by a considerable margin. The other song, and the album’s closer, is an epic 18-minute version of the Jimmy Webb penned “By the Time I Get to Phoenix,” which was a big hit for Glenn Campbell in 1967. Campbell’s version is great, but the direction Hayes takes the song is infinitely more captivating. The song opens with a low organ, almost drone-like, and subtle contributions from the rhythm section. Hayes opens the song with a spoken word introduction, literally setting up the song. He tells the listener to “travel with [him]” as he tells this roughly 9-minute story. It’s a total subversion of your expectations and I love it. You hang onto every word and that moment when Hayes finally sings “By the time I get to Phoenix, she’ll be rising” is one of the most satisfying payoffs in music history. He takes this song and makes it his own. Completely reconstructing the song for him and him alone.

Isaac Hayes

Hot Buttered Soul still sounds ambitious and enthralling to this day. It’s one of the most intricate albums, not just in the genre, but of the entire 1960s. It is a complete renovation of pop and soul music that hasn’t been replicated to this day. Perhaps the closest anyone has gotten to prog-soul. Everything on this album packs an undeniable punch. It’s been years since I first listened to this record, but it’s still just as powerful, maybe more so, after all this time. You owe it to yourself to experience Hot Buttered Soul.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ thanks for reading :3

[velvetporcelain]

👋 Knock knock baby, it’s me. Your favorite mind fucking whore. 🧠 ⛓️

I’m in a mood void. An anxious yet exhilarated movement moves through my manic mind. I’m really getting a hold of this whole thinking ability.

What can we do to practice thinking? I say, writing. I love coming here and putting my mind to the test. What do I have to say when I am alone and life seems uneventful, yet peaceful? I want to know too. So here we are.

I did a lot of thought while tending to my house chores. My favorite thing to do. But when it seems my mind is tending to think ten steps ahead of me I get distracted and overwhelmed. I had to do a double take today to get myself straight.

I don’t know how I feel about the term “over thinking.” I guess it would depends on if it is creative or deconstructive. Destruction is a form of creation. So the artist in me says it doesn’t exist. But then sometimes I hear the worry in my daughters voice and I find myself telling her not to over think it. Well, maybe now I’m over thinking it. 😂👀

Thinking is sitting back and observing yourself with logic. Of course you may feel lost because you have never been this version of yourself. I don’t think I’ve ever got this lost in myself. Ever. I am totally digging me right now.

Four years ago I decided to take a big step into the world of social media. Boy did I learn so much about myself and this superficial social world. It has done something to my brain the real world could never do. At first it was thrilling, but then it became almost nauseating. Like a rollercoaster ride on the same continuous loop. At first you’re having so much fun but eventually you become sick. Sick with a world that only consists of videos and photos of reality.

Was I missing the entire point of this world? I just couldn’t grasp what it really meant to be “social” on social media. I still don’t. I have been focusing more on grasping earthly connections. I do not care if the whole world never saw me. I do not care if the world never sees me. I see me. I get to be me.

Writing satisfies me almost instantaneously. The invisible weight that falls from my mind is what keeps me coming back. I do not feel the need to be validated here, or anywhere for that matter. The fact that I am alive and creating and thinking is plenty valid.

I got lost in the cyber woods but I was never afraid, only curious. At what point does curiosity turn against us? I felt just like Alice, lost and alone in some wonderland with things I’ve never encounter before. There was fucking content everywhere!!! Mega mind tripping honestly.

What if social media is one big psychological journey? Couldn’t it be? I mean think about it. It’s has become such a “dual life” to others. How? Why? Am I seeing this correctly? Well, there is no correct here. We are here, with you void.

I’m not sure if I found anything truly fascinating other than the human behavior displayed. What it does to the psyche and how it completely rips it to shreds and immediately begins to rebuild itself. It was fucking wild to be apart of.

I think it consumed me a bit. It was so intrusive in my life that now I think being away is some sort of new age rebellion. Millennials are so close from giving it up completely, I’m convinced. They have this sort of pre-social media mind that lures them back into the real world right before the portal closes forever. There is still time to get out. I’m confident in my decision to leave. Mark my words though, just in case. 👀😂

It’s like I woke up from some extremely twisted concept I had on reality. It really does now all feel like a dream. I can only compare this feeling to the same feeling I get when I felt like I was actually in my dream while dreaming. Do you know what I’m talking about? It was so real that you woke up scared, not from the dream but because you believed you experienced this dream. 💭

Call me a psychopath and I’m down on my back like the hyena in the Lion King when the other say Mufasa’s name three times. I am something more rare, so rare that there is no word yet invented to describe me.

So yeah that’s what I’m thinking. Nothing major or deep. 👀 I never knew the shallow end of the ocean because I think I was always the tide. Pulling you in deeper and deeper, before you know it, you’re either sinking or swimming in between the coagulated, goo- webbed, folds of my bubble gum membrane. 🧠

I like wearing clothes that tell people “I don’t give a fuck” right when they see me. lol why am i talking about this? This is so left turn material. I was just thinking about brains and thinking- oh yeah- and how anything can trigger a persons inner monologue.

I get pleasure out of making people’s inner monologue speak to them. THEY ARE THINKING and I love that about them. Good. Use your brain. Use me. Think. Think. Think. It’s way healthier than you think. I prefer giving people indirect motivation. Either way, if you hate me, or if you love me, I’m always going to be inspiring you into something more concrete in your ideology. Maybe I have answered questions you’ve hung onto for years. Or maybe I can teach you the many meanings of the word “monster”. Whatever the case, I like to call this process the spark. Hopefully it helps people light fires within themselves, and maybe they feel a little bit warmer. Whether it be hate or love.

I really think I have sparked things up on my neighborhood street. Don’t tell anyone my evil plan to get inside their minds. 👀 *rubs hands together* Nah, I’ll be good, I promise. I’m tired of running away from myself. I’m tired of shaming my dark psychology, it’s not even that dark 👀. Especially when we are all knee fucking deep in a negative head space due to the over saturation of true crime, death, paranormal and horror.

What’s with all the mongering? Especially of fear, beauty, sex, medicine, fast food and war. Now I would look at my boys with a tilted head, and say “now boys I know you are smart enough to know————THAT WE ARE SMARTER THAN THAT. THAT WE ARE MADE FOR MORE THAN THIS.”

Am I? Am I the problem? 👀😂 you’re gonna look at me and tell me that I’m wrong?

Grow up.

-x

[menecio]

Well, I, for one, welcome all the new Tolkien fans who're finding out about the franchise through Rings of Power! May it mean to you what it means to me!

And I welcome all the old fans, too! Hail and well met! May we rediscover and reinterpret the old scriptures together once more!

I wish you all a grand time!

[takerfoxx]

So I was thinking about Wonder Egg Priority the other day while delivering pizzas when I had something of an epiphany.

WEP is, in many way, sort of the anti-Madoka Magica.

Now, by that I don’t mean it’s intended as an answer, attack, response, or counter to PMMM. It’s obviously a show doing its own thing, and being compared to PMMM probably wasn’t on the creator’s mind. Also, I don’t mean it’s a reconstruction intended to rebuild the genre that PMMM broke apart, much like Gurren Laagan did to the Giant Mecha genre after Evangelion happened. Rather, it feels like, whether intentional or not, to be Madoka Magica in reverse.

Let me explain.

I’ve already gone into detail how PMMM became the hand grenade to the Magical Girl Warrior genre that it was, how carefully it was crafted to utterly deconstruct the genre and did it so well that it was completely changed. Just look at all those dark magical girl shows, comics, and whatnot that sprung up in its wake, all trying to recapture that same magic, and practically all failing. And while it wasn’t the death of cute and optimistic magical girl shows, the genre as a whole was definitely altered by PMMM, taking themes and ideas originally brought up by Utena and Bokurano and building upon them to create a surgical knife that dissected the whole genre and changed it forever.

And one of the methods it used was to show that each and every one of the main character was left in a much worse state than she was in thanks to the contracts.

Think about it. Each of the five girls was basically ruined by becoming a magical girl. Sayaka fell into despair and was destroyed. Madoka straight up died in the original timeline and ended up erasing herself. Mami spiraled into loneliness and depression until she was killed. Kyoko lost her whole family because of her contract, became a heartless nihilist, and when she tried to redeem herself, she realized the futility of it and decided to go down in a blaze of glory. Homura was cursed to relive the same trauma over and over again and eventually lost the person she was fighting for. Even the ones already in a bad place ended up worse off because of it. Hell, Mami only managed to delay her own death by a couple years, and in the end, her end was even more gruesome. 

And that was the point. The wish/contract system is intended to chew these girls up as fodder and just move onto the next one. Just by making a wish you’ve doomed yourself, and there is no escaping your fate. At best you can delay it, and so few can. The best Madoka could do with her universe altering wish was make the girls’ ends a little less cruel. And the movie broke them down even more.

But WEP seems to take the opposite route. Here, when each of our mains are introduced, they’re already at their worse, all four of them traumatized by losing someone close to them while dealing with a multitude of other issues. Ai was bullied heavily due to her appearance, found one friend that could understand, let that friend down, and was deeply wounded when that friend killed herself, leading to Ai becoming a hikikomori. Rika grew up with an absent father and a neglectful mother, got pushed into the toxic idol world way too young, drove off the one person that cared about her and eventually caused her death, leading to her to develop her weirdly cheerful/abrasive personality and self harm as a means of coping with the guilt. Momoe was devastated when her rejection of her friend’s advances led to her friend’s suicide (as far as she knows, anyway), leading to her having a major complex about her appearance and gender identity as a result. And Neiru...well, her situation is really weird and kinda sci-fi, but being a genius test tube baby who was nearly murdered by her sister and left with horrific scars can’t be fun. 

Point is, each of these girls is already broken inside when they’re introduced, and the whole wonder egg thing means they spend their nights fighting violent battles against horrific monsters and suffering a lot of pain and even more trauma, and unlike PMMM, this isn’t shown as being fun or cool at all. There is no false sense of security. You’re shown what a brutal affair it is up front, and the show seems to go out of its way to throw a whole bunch of serious and uncomfortable topics right into the spotlight, from bullying to suicide to sexual abuse to self harm to eating disorders to parental neglect, and the list goes on. It’s a very hard show to watch sometimes because of it.

And yet, unlike the PMMM girls, who only grew worse the longer they were in the system, the WEP girls only seem to be getting more emotionally and mentally healthy from the battles they fight. Protecting the Wonder Eggs, as violent as it might get, seems to be acting as a form of therapy for them, a way for them to confront their pent-up emotions and let them out. And the friendship they’ve built together, while sometimes messy and contentious, is shown to be incredibly healthy for them. They’re basically each other’s support group, and their get-togethers often become group therapy sessions as they confide their true feelings about their lives with each other and discuss their issues out in the open. And as a result, we see the bond that they’ve formed help them heal. Ai becomes more confident, more outgoing, and more brave, to the point that she’s not afraid to go to school anymore. Rika comes to terms with her own guilt and feelings of neglect and realizes that she doesn’t have to risk her life if she doesn’t want to, and even starts to forgive her mother. Momoe starts to come to terms with her feelings of discomfort around her femininity. Even Neiru has started to learn to open up to others and act like a kid for once. All four of them are better off for having met the others, and for fighting to restore their lost ones. 

Now granted, the show’s not over yet, and I’m sure there’s a twist on the way, especially with what we’re learning about the Accas and Neiru’s secretary. But even so, the inverse mirror images the two shows seem to make of each other was very interesting to me.

[ritsushinbro]

My Critique of Rebuild of Evangelion's Characterization: I originally wrote this post on the Evageeks forum and decided to post it here. It discusses the relationship between Misato, WILLE and the pilots and whether it is realistic and in-character. Warning this post contains spoilers and is very long. Also has references to self-harm and suicide.

With each revelation that comes out regarding the measures WILLE take against Shinji and their own pilots, it becomes more and more unrealistic for me to the point where it's almost comical. Let's go through some of them here:

They wear the explosive DSS chokers 24/7 which will kill the pilots should they risk awakening an Eva.

They are kept in a single room rigged with explosives.

In Shinji's case, he is (intended to be) put in 24/7 solitary confinement with explosives fitted as well.

Shinji is escorted around the wunder whilst restrained on a stretcher. (NOTE: The only time he isn't, is when Sakura takes him to Ritsuko).

It is confirmed in another thread that Misato gave clear permission to the crew for them to shoot Shinji on sight if they suspect he is attempting to get into an Eva. 

Now let me attempt to deconstruct these measures one-by-one:

It is understandable that Asuka and Mari wear DSS chokers because after all they are pilots and there is a risk of awakening. However in Shinji's case, he is forbidden from piloting and so there is no risk of awakening (remember Ritsuko did not think NERV would come after him, so they had no reason to think he would escape). So why place the DSS choker on him? Well we have already established it is simply because they have a resentment against him; there is no special, pragmatic reason. Is this realistic? Well I would say no for reasons I will explain later but I can certainly understand why others may say it is.

I don't think I will understand why they would keep their two main "soldiers" if you will, in an explosively rigged room. I believe others have  stated that from a tactical point, it's an extremely dumb move on WILLE's part. After all, if Asuka and Mari didn't have plot armor, what's to stop Gendo from tricking WILLE into killing their own pilots with these explosives? How would WILLE stop Gendo then? Will they use Shinji? No, for reasons I will state later. And another thing, we know that their rooms were already fitted with explosives so why on Earth would they add extra after the events of Q (when they stopped 4th impact). What do they hope to achieve with more bombs? Make the pilots more "deader" than they already are? In my opinion, this doesn't even come across as paranoid but just plain childish. Is this measure realistic from a story standpoint? No not in my eyes.

We know they intended to put Shinji in a solitary cell as this is what they do in Shin. If it was solitary confinement on it's own, then I believe it would be a realistic measure that would happen in real life. However I believe the writers did not factor in the effects of solitary confinement (especially one that is rigged to explode) on fully grown men; never mind a 14 year old who's just come out of a 14 year coma. Many people think solitary confinement is a walk in the park so I made another post a while ago highlighting why that's not the case:

"I remember when before Shin came out people here theorized that if Shinji stayed on the Wunder, they would eventually softened to him and let him help in ways that wouldn't have involved piloting. However with these revelations it looks like they intended to keep him in an isolated room far from everyone else that is (presumably) rigged with explosives as well as keeping the choker on his neck. Not even allowed to freely leave his cell without WILLE's permission (it is unlikely they would let him out judging from these measures). 

Even though Asuka and Mari were treated like this as well, at least they had each other and were able to leave as they had responsibilities in piloting. But Shinji was forbidden from piloting and was to be kept by himself except maybe being checked up on by Sakura now and again. So judging from these leaks (we will have to wait to properly see the full context) WILLE intended to lock Shinji in solitary confinement.

I have copied and pasted some of the effects of Solitary Confinement from Wikipedia below:

“Psychiatric: Research indicates that the psychological effects of solitary confinement may encompass "anxiety, depression, anger, cognitive disturbances, perceptual distortions, obsessive thoughts, paranoia, and psychosis." The lack of human contact, and the sensory deprivation that often go with solitary confinement, can have a severe negative impact on a prisoner's mental state that may lead to certain mental illnesses such as depression, permanent or semi-permanent changes to brain physiology, an existential crisis, and death.

Self-harm: According to a March 2014 article in American Journal of Public Health, "Inmates in jails and prisons attempt to harm themselves in many ways, resulting in outcomes ranging from trivial to fatal." Self harm was seven times higher among the inmates where seven percent of the jail population was confined in isolation. Fifty-three percent of all acts of self harm took place in jail. "Self-harm" included, but was not limited to, cutting, banging heads, self-amputations of fingers or testicles. These inmates were in bare cells, and were prone to jumping off their beds head first into the floor or even biting through their veins in their wrists. A main issue within the prison system and solitary confinement is the high number of inmates who turn to self-harm. Many of the inmates look to self-harm as a way to "avoid the rigors of solitary confinement."

Physical: Solitary confinement has been reported to cause hypertension, headaches and migraines, profuse sweating, dizziness, and heart palpitations. Many inmates also experience extreme weight loss due to digestion complications and abdominal pain. Many of these symptoms are due to the intense anxiety and sensory deprivation. Inmates can also experience neck and back pain and muscle stiffness due to long periods of little to no physical activity. These symptoms often worsen with repeated visits to solitary confinement.

Social: The effects of isolation unfortunately do not stop once the inmate has been released. After release from segregated housing, psychological effects have the ability to sabotage a prisoner's potential to successfully return to the community and adjust back to ‘normal’ life. The inmates are often startled easily, and avoid crowds and public places. They seek out confined small spaces because the public areas overwhelm their sensory stimulation.”

And this is just for solitary confinement. There are so many other things going on with and happening (or could happen) to Shinji such as the things below:

Shinji being only 14 years old.

Shinji being abandoned and neglected by his father.

Shinji being coerced/emotionally blackmailed to pilot Unit 1.

Shinji seeing girls he cared for "die".

Shinji being in a coma for 14 years.

Shinji being told he has a bomb on his neck.

Being told it is because he is being punished.

Being told he cannot pilot the eva anymore (he is effectively "useless" now).

Have his former co-pilot and friend try and punch him after he thought she was dead.

[Potentially] being told he started NTI and devastated the world.

[Potentially] being told that the girl he tried to save is "gone" and that she was a clone of his mother.

Being imprisoned in a cell (presumably) surrounded by explosives and not being able to freely leave.

Be completely isolated from everyone except when being checked up by a girl who's father he got killed. (NOTE: Mari might want to see him so Shinji at least has her, maybe). 

Have his mother figure (the woman who made him pilot the eva the most) threaten to detonate the choker around his neck and blow his head off when he tries to leave.

With the above list, is it any wonder his head is so messed up? I understand the purpose of these films is all about growing up and taking responsibility but expecting Shinji to willingly allow himself to be subjected to the treatment WILLE had in store for him is pure, unadulterated masochism. Much of what was is written here can safely be considered cruel, inhumane and arguably, torture. 

There is a massive difference between taking responsibility for one's mistakes and just letting the whole world torture you because you did something bad. My main fear and problem with Q and Thrice is that their main theme, which is accepting responsibility, is equated with accepting unreasonably cruel treatment. And I just think that is an EXTREMELY unhealthy message to send to people especially if they are depressed or live in abusive relationships."

When you take all these into account, does it place into perspective how messed up Shinji would have been had he stayed on the wunder? This is assuming that they thought they would never have a need for him, but as we find out in Shin, they needed Shinji in the end to defeat Gendo. If Shinji never left with Mark 09 and Misato successfully kept him "protective" custody, then one of three things would have happened when WILLE actually needed him to save everyone:

A: He would not have been in the mental state to pilot Unit 1 and Gendo would have completely wrecked him due to shit synch ratios. 

B: He would have told Misato and co. to fuck off and die. We've seen this nihilism before from Shinji (after the 5th angel). His incarceration alongside the humiliation and guilt from wearing the choker will have ratcheted up by a million.

C: He wouldn't have piloted because he would have killed himself. There's only so much a 14 year old can take and when subjected to a fate that causes even hardened criminals to resort to self-harm, genital mutilation and suicide, then what chance does Shinji have? 

Now back to my original point, do I think this measure is realistic? I would like to say yes if it was the solitary on it's own, however when combined with the other things, then I think the chances of Shinji commiting suicide is extremely high to the point where it's not believable for him to continue as an anime protagonist. You have to make sure the protagonist goes through difficulty in order to experience growth and change, however if you make it too harsh (to the point of committing suicide) then it seems less believable that they live to continue the story. On a separate note, many people think that Shinji was immature for leaving with Mark 09 the first chance he got and that this is proof that he is, in Asuka's words, a "brat". But let's be realistic, if this story is about Shinji's growth and maturation, then how exactly would WILLE's treatment of him be conducive to that? The truth is WILLE's sheer hostility towards him would have completely stunted any emotional growth and maturation in Shinji and it would have destroyed the point of the film. Also no-one can argue that WILLE would have eventually "come round" or "softened-up" towards Shinji because even after 14 years they still don't trust their own pilots. So yeah, Shinji most likely would have been stuck in solitary with a bomb around his neck until he either killed himself or the war ended (but even this doesn't guarantee his freedom).

Regarding the stretcher business. I don't understand why you have to restrain Shinji on a stretcher when the kid has already surrendered himself and has come voluntarily. Maybe WILLE are just full of bondage fetishists; it would certainly explain the chokers as well. 

If the DSS chokers and the explosive rooms weren't enough, Misato actually gave orders to the crew to shoot Shinji if they thought he was trying to pilot again. At this point, I just think this is just overkill. I mean the kid has a bomb on his neck that prevents him from awakening an Eva, you intended to keep him locked up even though he can't really leave the wunder except with outside help and now you intend to shoot him if you think he'll get into an Eva. The problem with this, is that piloting an Eva requires all the bridge-bunnies to sortie the damn thing. Shinji cannot enter Unit 1 by himself, especially since the thing is being used as an engine so why do they assume that Shinji is capable of being Sam Fisher and sneaking into Unit 1? We see that Sakura and Midori are actually willing to shoot Shinji in 3.0+1.0 and do so when he merely suggests that he pilot Unit 1. But seriously what harm would Shinji have done in Unit 1 considering the fact that Gendo was already going to start another impact anyway? Why actively try and kill (or injure in Sakura's case) the only guy that can save your ass? One cannot argue that they were just being "desperate or panicking" because in Midori's case, she actually takes the time to confirm her orders from Misato. This shows that at least, she was still of lucid mind. This particular altercation just beggars belief in my mind and the fact that Misato actually gave those orders on top of all the other measures is absolutely extraordinary. So as you can imagine, I do not think this was realistically executed.

However, I can already hear some detractors say: "So what? Misato hesitated to detonate the DSS choker and also took a bullet for Shinji. She redeemed herself from putting the DSS choker on him and the kill-order for if they thought he would try and get into an Eva." 

And to those people I say….not really. There is an idiom attributed to Benjamin Franklin and it goes like this: "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." How does this apply to Misato and Shinji's relationship? Well Misato wouldn't have had to hesitate to pull the trigger if she didn't put it on him in the first place. Misato wouldn't have had to take a bullet for Shinji, if she didn't give permission for the crew to shoot him in the first place. Let's take this following dialogue for example:

916-929:

Kitakami: "It's a good thing we got Major Shikinami back. But why'd we have to take that disease along with her?"

Aoba: "Just leave it alone. Better than Nerv still being able to use him."

Tama: "If he tries to get into an Evangelion, all hands have permission to shoot on sight. There's nothing to worry about this time."

Kitakami: "Come on, that's all for show. The last time he broke out of here, the Captain couldn't put him down. I've got zero trust about this time either."

Nagara: "He was a kid. I can understand why she'd hesitate."

Kitakami: "That 'kid' caused Near Third Impact and murdered my entire family!"

Hyuga: "Near Third was a consequence of what he did, not his goal. The Captain's doing her best to atone for that too."

Takao: "That's right. She's who Kaji entrusted with Wille, and it's our job to trust the captain."

We learn a few things from this dialogue. Firstly, the older WILLE members are much more understanding to Shinji and Misato's situation: Aoba and Hyuga understand that it's better to keep an eye on Shinji and that he never meant to start NTI, Takao is one who always trusts Misato's judgement and Sumire understands that Misato would have found it difficult to kill a child, especially one that Misato was close with. 

Secondly, it appears that the younger WILLE members (Midori, Sakura and Tama) are the ones that are fearful/hateful towards Shinji (NOTE: Tama is a strange case, he strikes me as the sort of kid that just follows what everyone else is feeling. He might not feel anything towards Shinji beyond what you'd expect). 

Finally it appears that most of WILLE crew members are actually reasonable people and are not the extremely desperate and paranoid individuals some people on the forum believe. Remember this is AFTER Shinji started the 4th impact in Q. The fact that some of the WILLE crew members speak of Shinji in this way, show they are capable of understanding. Most actually trust Misato and respect her judgement except for Midori, who questions Misato's capabilities in following through on her threats. 

Which brings me to my next point. Misato has had no hesitation in pulling rank in the past. In 2.0, she even has an altercation with Ritsuko, her best friend, right before they fight the 8th angel. Misato is a woman that will tell even her best friend to STFU, when it comes to doing what she wants. Having said that, (timeskip shenanigans aside) there's no reason why she couldn't have done the same with the younger WILLE crew members. She could have nipped all of it in the bud by telling Sakura, Midori and the rest of them that Shinji was groomed to cause NTI and it was not his fault.

Instead, despite being the captain that everyone loves and fears, she kowtowed to the crew's paranoia and had the pilots fitted with explosive chokers, put in explosively rigged solitary confinement and gave the order to kill Shinji if they feared the worst. This is the sort of thing that drives fully grown men to suicide, never mind 14 year olds that have just come out of a coma. Imagine if Shinji did commit suicide in his cell. Who would Misato and WILLE have turned to in order to defeat Gendo in the end? What if Gendo tricked WILLE into killing their own pilots with the explosives? They would be properly screwed then. If Misato actually cared, as we are led to believe from her hesitation to kill Shinji, then she would have told the rest of the WILLE crew to fuck off, instead of alienating and putting Shinji and the pilots in that much risk. Are we really expected to believe that Misato placed such extreme countermeasures on Shinji just to appease Midori and Sakura? Not likely. This is why I believe that Misato would not have put the DSS choker on Shinji in the first place, and her doing so in Q was extremely unrealistic and out of character, even with anything that happened during the timeskip.

Some of you will say: "Who cares about realism? It's a show about aliens and growing up." While this is true, Anno has proven that he is able to pull the themes off much better when you look at the NGE series. Disregarding the self-contained narrative, it is obvious that the purpose of Q was to bring Shinji to the same point he was at after episode 24 of the series. If we look at how NGE/EOE handled Shinji's depression, we see that it is quite realistic:

The neglect and coercion by the adults in his life, almost dying to angels multiple times, the sexual tension with Asuka, almost killing Touji, finding out Rei is a clone of his mother, Misato putting the moves on him and having to kill Kaworu all culminate towards Shinji's mental state during EOE. Shinji is passively suicidal but it's due to the *situation* and his own introverted tendencies instead of people actively trying to hurt and isolate him. He finds the will to live again due to his mothers words despite knowing just how difficult living might be. If you remove all the Evas and the Angels from the story, the themes that are touched upon (isolation, neglect, misunderstanding) still apply and the audience can still resonate with them. 

The rebuilds however go about it completely differently. They bring Shinji to that same suicidal state by having all the characters/plot actively harm Shinji's mental health by:

Putting him in a coma for 14 years so he is completely clueless. Imagine how groggy you are when you wake up in the morning and then multiply that by a million. 

Have Misato psychologically castrate Shinji by telling him he won't do anything with a look of disdain on her face.

Have Ritsuko make Shinji feel dread by telling him he has a bomb on his neck and it's because he is being "punished".

Not tell him why he is being punished when he asks Misato.

Have Asuka try to punch Shinji after he thought she was dead.

Tell Shinji the girl he saved is "gone”.

Have his "mother figure" threaten to blow his head off for wanting to leave with the girl you just told him is gone.

Have Asuka and Mari attack Shinji in Lilith's chamber even though Shinji was seemingly willing to listen to them had Asuka not kept attacking. (Watch that scene again and you'll see when Asuka learns what Shinji is trying to do, she stops attacking but instead of explaining that he's being manipulated, she just calls him a brat instead).

Even Mari was willing to potentially kill or cripple Shinji with the Anti-AT rounds. (We don't know what the AA rounds are truly capable of because the only time they are used on screen, they don't work. The round cartridges state that they are armor and AT field piercing and have explicit restrictions on their use. The fact that Mari requires Asuka's explicit authorization to use them imply that they are most likely lethal and would have killed/crippled Shinji had he been in a normal Eva). 

Have Shinji's friend's head explode with the device Shinji's "mother figure" actually meant for him. Imagine seeing someone's head explode and then remember that your "mother figure" actually meant that to be for you. That would certainly mess anyone up.

Have Asuka then kick and manhandle him when he is catatonic.

Have Asuka force feed him to the point where he pukes whilst he is still grieving the death of his friend. 

Have Shinji only be escorted whilst tied to a stretcher despite him coming voluntarily.

Have Misato place Shinji in 24/7 solitary confinement in a cell rigged with explosives.

Have Misato tell the WILLE crew to shoot Shinji on sight if they think he's getting into an EVA.

Have people tell Shinji that he's being a brat the entire time for reacting badly to all this.

By having Misato, Asuka, WILLE reject and "punish" Shinji so harshly so it kicks off his isolation and desperation, it makes Shinji's "recovery" seem less believable. Anno himself didn't even know how to make Shinji recover psychologically in 3.0+1.0 and he actually had to ask the voice actors on how to make that happen. The story made the WILLE crew go full scorched-earth and in doing so made Shinji's "growth" and his reconciliation with Misato seem impossible. 

I have already stated that I believe Q represents "Condemnation" and Shin represents "Compassion" and I think both films pull that off brilliantly. But that doesn't mean I think the characters acted in a realistic manner. I do not believe that Misato would have placed such harsh sanctions on Shinji in the first place for the reasons I have stated above. And if she did, I do not believe that Shinji would have easily forgiven Misato (even IF she took a bullet for him) as we see he does in the film. I do not believe that WILLE were merely "scared and desperate" because as the dialogue above shows, they are surprisingly understanding (but still disapproving) of Shinji's situation despite him literally starting another impact. I do not believe that Misato would have bent over to Sakura and Midori's resentment and taken measures against Shinji, just to ease their minds. 

In summary, my main problem with the post-timeskip rebuilds is that I feel they gaslight the audience in thinking that Shinji was just being a "brat" the entire time by having Asuka and Mari say: "You have grown a little/You smell like an adult now." However, the truth is Shinji's been through so much mental suffering perpetrated by the people he cares about, that it's a miracle he's not killed himself. It would certainly break most of us on this forum. The movies seek to show Shinji "finally" taking responsibility when the truth is, the plot went so above and beyond putting him down in such an extreme manner in the first place.

[ultranos]

(1/3) Do you think zuko and azula could mend their relationship in canon? I’ve been thinking about it a lot and can’t come to a decision. I think that for starters zuko would have to be willing to see and understand things from azulas point of view, and acknowledge that both of them were abused by their father, but zuko has the challenge of acknowledging that his mother and uncle played a part in azulas abuse as well and I think that would be difficult for him.

(2/3)  He also seems to have a pretty negative perception of azula that he would have to break away from. And azula would obviously have a lot to work on as well. She would have to essentially rebuild herself away from the image of perfection that Ozai had her become. And she would have to acknowledge that she did bad things and apologize for them. Hopefully by deconstructing the ideas Ozai planted in her she would also stop viewing her brother as weak. 

(3/3)  And that’s a lot to work on and I don’t know if they could achieve it. Because azula and zuko both could decide that keeping a distance between eachother is the best for their mental health and self improvement and that’s also valid. 

So like you, I do think this issue is Highly Complicated. I’m also coming to the idea that maybe “mend” is the wrong way to look at it. In a lot of ways, the relationship between the Fire Siblings is fundamentally flawed and broken.

It’s easier to see where Azula’s fault lies in this. Her actions to her brother when they were younger often crossed the line from “typical sibling antagonism”, and even if that was mostly driven by Ozai’s influence, Zuko is still allowed to be hurt by that. She might have been taught wrong, but that doesn’t mean things hurt less or that she doesn’t need to take accountability for it.

(Fandom likes to point out that she tried to kill him multiple times in the show. I would like to point out that this is generally what happens with two people on opposite sides in a war, and where one of them explicitly is aligning themselves with a party trying to kill the other’s parent. There are multiple instances where even Aang and Katara come within millimeters of nailing Azula with a lethal attack. Feelings about this are allowed to be hostile and complicated, but we really shouldn’t treat it the same as cold-blooded murder)

Azula also needs to stop using Zuko as a measuring stick for her own life and worth and learn to exist independently of him. I wonder if people forget that, as the younger sibling, Zuko has always been present from Azula’s perspective, and she has been measured against him since before she took her first breath. I don’t think she actually knows how define herself outside of Zuko, which is a huge problem and she’s not going to make any progress until she can let that go.

At the same time, I don’t think Zuko really understands that. I love him to pieces, but Zuko’s got a self-centered view of the dynamics in his own family and of himself as the only victim. This is fine. This was a survival mechanism for him as a child, and being able to be selfish and put himself first is something he needed to do to find his own self-worth. But if he wants to actually have a positive relationship with his sister, he has to break out of this black-and-white view.

Both Azula and Zuko need to acknowledge the hurt they did each other - because contrary to what Zuko probably thinks, he did hurt his sister deeply as well. He left her behind without looking back twice; once was not his choice. The second absolutely was, and this was after he knew what a piece of shit his father was. If Zuko is allowed to feel hurt from her words/actions as a child, Azula is also allowed to feel hurt from his lack of, well, giving a shit about her. Trust is a two-way street and honestly? Neither of them has given the other a good reason to trust the other.

And as you said, Zuko has to acknowledge that he has always been lying to himself to convince himself that Azula had it easy. That Ozai encouraged this hostile view of his younger sister, and that the adults he trusted - specifically Iroh - fed into Ozai’s narrative. Ozai would never have been as successful at driving the two siblings apart if Ursa and Iroh, unwittingly or not, by their actions and inactions didn’t reinforce his efforts.

Zuko really does need to hold all the adults in his family accountable. Azula needs to hold Ozai, but she knows the other two aren’t perfect. The Fire Siblings are children; the adults had the responsibility to step in and try to fix shit. Instead, Ozai used Azula as a tool to enforce the abuse on Zuko. Conversely, Ozai and Iroh textually and Ursa subtextually used Zuko to enforce the emotional mindscrew on Azula that she isn’t really a person (a perfect tool, a monster to defeat/slay, a victory point in the game of Zuko’s life). Ultimately, it’s the adults (mostly Ozai) who are at the root of the problems, but the children have to live with the consequences.

So I don’t think “mend” is the correct word. Mending implies something was good to begin with. “Rebuild” is better. So is “start over”. And arguably, healthier if they can come to a middle as more or less equals. And a relationship that’s “we care about each other but it’s really better if we only see each other sparingly” is still a healthy and good one. Sometimes, that kind of honest distance is much better than a closeness that hides all the ugly problems underneath.

[rosethornewrites]

Monday & Tuesday T & G reading

The usual

Finished

Tumblr:

MXY marrying LWJ 2, by @shanastoryteller

Teen:

so close, hold me cose, by mistellation

Months after Wei WuXian's staged exile from Yunmeng Jiang, Jiang YanLi and Jin ZiXuan have had a date arranged for their wedding. Lan WangJi tells Wei WuXian, and then pampers her lonely, mistreated body.

Deconstruct, by flowercity (FaoriE)

At the other side of their bond there is a person waiting for him; a boy with a sunny personality and a penchant for mischief, the personification of everything the Lan sect abhors. Lan Wangji learns from early on that nothing good can come out of this, but it seems like Wei Ying is an expert in subverting everything he knows.

A soulmate AU where what you write in yourself appears on your soulmate’s skin.

General:

First Step After the Fall, by farawayanddreaming

Caring for Wangji had been such a big part of his childhood that he still missed it even decades after Wangji had become fiercely independent and unwilling to either be touched or taken care of.

(Lan Wangji is there for his brother during his seclusion, patiently waiting for Lan Xichen to be ready to rejoin the world.)

Ornament, by Befallings

For the Untamed Winterfest 2019 Prompt 2: Ornament

a grove without a name, by stiltonbasket (12 chapters)

Wei Wuxian was ten years old when he first began wearing mourning for his dead soulmate.

Eight years later, he meets Lan Wangji.

(Or, the one where a soulmate bond goes silent and shatters during the Sunshot Campaign, but Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were always meant to be.)

Speed Dating, Wangxian Edition, by westiec

an AU where Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian connect over unlikely jobs at a speed dating event

Unfinished

Teen:

Lightning Tamed, by RJ_RJ

Jiang Fengmian travels back in time and decides to alter the course of history.

Shimei, A-Mei, A-Li, by fructosebat

At age 8, several days after Jiang-shushu had brought Wei Ying back to Lotus Pier, Wei Ying called Jiang Yanli ‘A-mei’ in Madame Yu’s hearing and was subsequently hit once with Madame Yu’s spiritual weapon, a whip made of lightning called Zidian. It was not Wei Ying’s first time being struck—he’d had plenty of that as a beggar child on the streets of Yiling—but it was his first time encountering a spiritual weapon in such a way and he couldn’t help but cry out in pain and surprise.

“You’re not her brother,” spat Madame Yu.

***

Or: what if Jiang Yanli was the youngest?

happier than ever ver. 2, by Edith343redwood

A modern AU where Jiang Cheng betrays Wei Wuxian....how will he react?

I Hope You Miss Me, Sometimes, by ideasnonexistant

Wei Wuxian, more than anything else in this life, desperately wanted a family.

aka WWX gets cast out, suffers, finds out people actually care about him, and shakes up the world

Truths Laid Bare For All, by Preludian_Staves

The betrothal letter comes in the Springtime with a Lan escort, changing how events happen in Wei Wuxian's life.

AKA Wangxian meets early before the Cloud Recesses lectures and slowly starts moderately sooner, some things change and others stay moderately the same. Plus WWX flourishing under the tutelage of the Lans when there isn't prickly Heir or his equally prickly mother lurking around that needs near constant appeasement and a truth serum is involved somewhere in the course of things.

The Twin Ghosts of Yunmeng, by sandupommelfrog

Yanli, Jiang Cheng, Jin Zixuan, Lan Wangji, and Wen Qing put together a plan to bring Wei Wuxian home and secretly resettle the Wen remnants and it goes well until it doesn’t.

The Twin Prides of Yunmeng have died in disgrace, but their memory haunts the cultivation world as demonic cultivators wreak havoc in Yunmeng and violet lightning strikes around the now cursed Lotus Pier.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t really understand what the fuck happened, but he has a sect to rebuild (again) and a nephew to raise, and all he can do is continue forward.

Restorition, by Yuunlan

A time travel fix-it where after his death, Wei Wuxian returns to the time before he was brought to Lotus pier. He decides that he is going to avoid everyone from his past and act on his own to try and prevent the events from the future, but little does he realize, his actions will change a lot more than he realized.

General:

Second Chance, by My1Dearest6Rose02

Dying after protecting Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng awoke back in the past. The time between after the massacre and the start of the war. Armed with the knowledge of the future. Can he change the past? Can he keep them safe and alive?

[hellerism]

I want an essay on #12)

12. symbolism: tell me about some cool symbolism in spn! your pick

*puts on my english major hat* im about to put more effort into this than anything ive ever written for college. ok top 10 supernatural symbolism...this isnt in any particular order its just whatever i think of first. also it might not be actual top 10 im just remembering random shit. this has gotten out of hand so im putting it under a read more

1. the most obvious one, the impala. many have discussed this before me and im probably just repeating what others have said, but the impala is an extension of deans body/a representation and mirror of both his physical and mental state. obviously the impala gets destroyed in the season 1 finale when dean is dying. and he rebuilds it in season 2, while he is trying to regroup and rebuild from the death of his father. ive seen a post about how dean losing it and smashing the impala is a metaphorical form of self-harm which is :(( also, the impala staying covered and hidden away while dean is living with lisa and ben with this reading is so interesting. i do think dean loved the idea of a normal life with lisa and ben more than the reality (not that i dont think he loved them! any scene with dean and ben makes me soft). but this also makes it that much sadder because supernatural considers dean unable to live a life that doesnt involve hunting; the impala is hidden and dean is a shell of his real self. in season 7, they once again have to hide the impala away and use other cars. the impala is gone and hidden away; something is wrong. dean is hurting. he isnt his full self. why? whats missing during that time? cas. and in season 10, when dean is a demon, he stops caring for the impala. you know, because something is wrong with him. because hes a demon.

2. dean knocking over and breaking the angel statue in the beautiful room. he makes it fall with a single touch, hardly a push. and all it took cas was a single touch for him to fall and break. dean, of course, doesnt mean to shatter cas, though he does mean to make him fall. dean repeatedly argues with cas, acting as the human opposite to cas’ emotionless faith in heaven, pushing him toward the edge, pushing him to rebel, pushing him to choose humanity. and it works; cas learns to love through dean, and through that he rebels against heaven and falls in “every way imaginable.” and when he hits the ground, he breaks, shattering all his faith in god and everything, leading into the godstiel arc as he tries to put his pieces back together.

3. the streetlight as a halo over cas’ head in on the head of a pin. it flickers when anna appears, which is physically meant to show her power. however, it also shows cas’ wavering faith in heaven. interesting how anna, the angel who chose humanity over heaven and decided to fall, is the one making cas’ halo flicker. he is beginning to question things. he is beginning to feel. he is beginning to fall.

4. deans leather jacket in the first few seasons. its not actually dean’s, of course. it belonged to john. dean picks it up and puts it on while he and sam are searching for him, physically shouldering the weight of johns expectations of him. its too big on him. and dean is 26 at that point. hes well past done growing; he’ll never fit perfectly into that jacket. no matter what he does, he’ll never fit perfectly into johns expectations: the perfect son, the perfect soldier. and leather jackets are heavy even if they fit well. there is a physical weight on his shoulders now, a manifestation of the weight of the world and the weight of being a parent for his younger brother and everything john has piled onto dean since he was a child. he eventually stops wearing it (bc some absolute legend stole it irl), and i wish they’d taken that as an opportunity to have dean grow out of the shadow of his father, but supernatural is a bad show so they didnt.

5. mary, who just happens to be named after the mother of jesus. the perfect wife, the loving mother, the tragic figure, the victim, clad in white, the color of innocence. except shes not. she was raised a hunter. shes lived the bloody dark side of the world hidden from most. she loved her children, but she wasnt a perfect wife and mother. she didnt know how to cook. she and john fought, and he even moved out for a few days, and she needed her four-year-old son to comfort her. she is not the virginal mother; shes an imperfect person just trying to do her best. the dabb-era deconstruction of the very concept of mary makes me crazyyyyyyy if you couldnt tell.

6. these shots from 9.14 captives

in the first shot, we have a statue of cupid over cas’ left shoulder and a cross over his right. and in the second shot, there is a bible on the right side of the table, and nothing on the left. and cas turns to the left. he turns away from god, continuously choosing to turn away from stability and what he always knew in favor of love and humanity. there is nothing on the left side of the table precisely because there is nothing certain in cas’ future with humanity, but he chooses them anyway. plus, cas inventing free will by falling in love with dean retroactively makes this shot that much better; there is nothing on the left side of the table precisely because there is nothing written for him. cas falling in love with dean created an empty space in gods story. this show is pure fucking insanity oh my god.

7. serafina the angel (the pantheistic view in that episode makes me crazy but we wont get into that). serafina, whose name is audibly similar to seraph, the class of angel that cas is. coincidentally, the only seraphim we see in the show are cas, who falls in love with dean, and akobel, who married lily sunder. serafina, who fell in love with adam, the literal progenitor of humanity. and who is the character in supernatural that has always stood for humanity as a whole? dean. serafina literally had me convinced that deancas would happen in the finale.

8. the removal of -iel from cas’ name. dear god this one drives me crazy and i doubt it was on purpose. castiel, the shield of god. for eons he existed as a warrior and tool of god. and then along comes dean winchester, who does a very human thing. he gives him a nickname. cas. he removes the “of god” part. he removes god from cas, because dean doesnt value him for being a good soldier or a good son. he values him simply because hes cas. and cas questions everything, his loyalty to heaven, his blind faith that god would one day return. he is no longer a warrior of god. he is simply cas, the shield, and this time he chooses to be a shield for humanity, for the winchesters, for dean. for the michael sword. the shield protects the sword. cas dies shielding dean. this got off topic but its just sooo insane.

9. this shit from 2.13 houses of the holy. i know it was an unplanned coincidence but jesus christ.

10. ...lamp. i know i know but it still boggles my mind. the completely out of place tap dance that they had to spend time and money on to train two actors who had never tap danced before. the lamp being a source of light. divine light. cas. the whole thing being set to the song lets misbehave. WHY LAMP.

[voiceless-terror]

The Breaking Down of Walls (The Magnus Archives)

Whumptober 2020 Day Seven: Carrying

Fandom: The Magnus Archives

Characters: Jonathan Sims, Tim Stoker, Martin Blackwood

CW: Sickfic

Summary: For all his grumbling, he doesn’t think Jon actually minded it that much.

He squeaked and protested when Tim threw him over a shoulder, but he went soft and pliant after about a minute of being carted around. He’s almost gotten used to being picked up and bodily moved out of the way by Tim instead of getting a simple ‘excuse me.’ Tim once caught him smiling after he’d been perched on the break room counter while Tim cleaned up a glass he shattered. It quickly morphed into a scowl on eye contact, though.

Jon was small. Portable. Travel-sized for convenience. Jon did not like this pointed out to him.

So Tim made it his job to point it out as often as possible. 

“Hey there lil’ guy!” was his favorite greeting back in research and Jon would always return it with a furious glare and a grumbling, futile protest. See, Tim’s a tall guy. Of course everyone would seem small to him. But Jon was genuinely small. Like, he has to jog to keep up if you have a brisk pace. Watching those little legs work overtime to catch up to him in the hallway was one of Tim’s greatest joys. The man was five foot and change, if the change was pennies on the dollar. Tim particularly liked to rest his elbow on his head; the afternoon silent-treatment it got him was well worth it.

For all his grumbling, he doesn’t think Jon actually minded it that much. 

He squeaked and protested when Tim threw him over a shoulder, but he went soft and pliant after about a minute of being carted around. He’s almost gotten used to being picked up and bodily moved out of the way by Tim instead of getting a simple ‘excuse me.’ Tim once caught him smiling after he’d been perched on the break room counter while Tim cleaned up a glass he shattered. It quickly morphed into a scowl on eye contact, though.

Tim believed he protested too much. Jon liked friends and company despite his prickly exterior. No one leaned into a touch like that if they didn’t want it. So Tim took the complaints with a grain of salt.

The dynamic changed when they moved down to the archives. Jon had distanced himself, locking his office door and trying to seem like a far more serious man than he was. Tim understood- with Elias breathing down their necks, anyone would be worried about professionalism. But it was wearing on Jon both physically and mentally. He was not very pleased with Tim’s moniker of ‘lil boss’ so he cut that out right quick. He looked tired and harried every day and was prone to snapping at the slightest of inconveniences- these days the inconvenience was more often than not Martin.

Poor Martin. He was the odd man out, the only one not to come out of research. Elias assigned him to the archives which put Jon immediately on guard. But Martin was a nice kid, just trying to scrape by like the rest of him. It wasn’t his fault his Latin was terrible and Jon was exacting. Well, maybe he could work on the Latin. But he brought them tea and asked about their day which was more kindness than anyone here had experienced in quite some time. He was working very, very hard at trying to break down Jon walls. He brought him tea on the hour and tried to coax him out for lunch. He took every insult and rejection with a mask of politeness that Tim knows must have taken him some time to perfect. He let Martin do the mothering; Tim doesn’t know how to express his concern in a non-tactile fashion. 

Jon hadn’t been out of his office all morning. This was not unusual, not these days. Martin expressed his concern more than once and Tim decided to check up on him at the end of the day if he hadn’t come out- he’s knee deep in research and on a roll. Sasha’s out investigating a case and it’s only the three of them in the office. The clock neared three and Tim yawned; he really needed this weekend to come quick. 

“Tim!” he heard a strangled voice call. Martin. “Tim, can you come here please?” This couldn’t be anything good. He hurried out of his chair and made his way down the hallway to- you guessed it- Jon’s office.

“H-He won’t wake up!” Martin stuttered, hands hovering uselessly over Jon, who was currently collapsed in his office chair either snoozing or deeply unconscious. Damn. “I-I know he looked bad today but he told me to leave him alone so I did and now look at him!” 

Jon indeed didn’t look or sound well. His hair was out of its bun and in a tangled mess that hid most of his face, but what he could see was flushed a bright red. His breathing was labored, a slow and uneven wheeze. Tim immediately started making his way over. “Does he have a fever?”

“I think so,” Martin replied. “But I didn’t check. Didn’t know if he wanted me...touching him.”

Tim rolled his eyes. “I think this is an exception.” Martin clearly wasn’t comfortable enough with the man to bully him just yet (Jon seemed to do most of the bullying nowadays). He needed a firmer hand when it came to taking care of himself and Tim and Sasha were usually the ones to give it. One hand to Jon’s forehead and he knew the man had worked himself sick, again. It’d been a while since this last occurred- it used to happen with some frequency back in research, at least until Tim and Sasha convinced him to take it easy. But they had been distant and it’s clear that Jon’s fallen back into old habits. Tim sighed, brushing a lock of Jon’s hair behind his ear. “What are we gonna do with you, hm?” he murmured softly, well-aware of Martin’s eyes on his back.

“I-I can set up the cot in the back!” Martin suggested, moving over to the door as if to do it immediately. “I can sleep on the break room couch, it’s surprisingly comfy.” Tim had forgotten that Martin had been living in the archives- Christ, what has this place come to- but it was a Friday night and he didn’t want Jon here all weekend; he would likely just work himself into exhaustion yet again. So Tim made a decision.

“I’ll take him home. He’ll recover better if he’s out of here,” He looked at Martin critically. He wasn’t in the best of shape either. There were dark circles under his eyes and he couldn’t be getting great sleep cooped up in the basement like this. ‘Why don’t you come too?” Martin's eyes widened in surprise. “You could do with a good night’s sleep and my living room couch is legendary.”

“I couldn’t-”

“Nope, I’ve already decided for you,” Tim gave him an easy grin, hoping to seal the deal. “Go get us a cab, will you? I didn’t drive and we aren’t taking the tube.”

“O-Okay! If you’re s-sure.” 

“I’m always sure.” He threw in a wink for good measure and Martin was out the door. Works every time.

Getting Jon out of the chair turned out to be tougher than expected. He was contorted around his desk; he’d clearly been in this position for quite some time. As gently as possible, he wound an arm around his knees and titled Jon back until he fell against his chest and against his other arm. “There we go,” he mumbled even though he knew the man couldn’t hear. “Let’s get you home.” Jon felt incredibly warm in his arms and Tim’s worry increased; he hoped he had medicine back at his flat that hadn't expired. The man was even lighter than expected and Tim almost stumbled backward with how he overcompensated for his weight. Another thing I’ll have to talk to him about.

Martin came back downstairs, his footsteps quick and loud on the tile. “Cab’s here- oh.” He paused, staring down at Jon and blushing for some reason. Tim looked at him quizzically before gazing down to his arms- at some point Jon had nuzzled himself into his shoulder, one hand gripping his shirt in a tight little fist. He had to admit it was an adorable picture, but they didn’t have time for Martin’s crush right now. “I’ll just go and uh, grab my things then.”

They end up in the back of a cab, all three of them. It’s not particularly comfortable but they manage to sprawl Jon across the both of them, head still tucked into Tim’s shoulder and legs stretched out into Martin’s lap. Tim is only a little amused with Martin's awkward placement of his hands in an attempt to avoid touching Jon, though he ends up grabbing onto his legs to keep him in place about two minutes into the ride. They fell into a silence on the way, the only noise was Jon’s breathing which sounded more labored by the second.

“Is he- was he always like this?” Martin asked quietly, allowing himself one more glance at Jon. Martin’s face was still red, much to Tim’s amusement. “Working himself to death?”

“Never this bad,” Tim replied, running a hand through Jon’s hair. He remembered doing this back in research, back when it was okay to touch him. Was he taking advantage? Perhaps a little, but Jon looked like he needed it. “New job’s wearing him down, I think.”

“W-What was he like before?”

Tim paused. Frankly, he’s a bit unsure of what Martin’s looking for here. Jon’s always been Jon, but the promotion seems to have dialed up all of his worst habits past ten. Habits that Tim thought they’d put behind them. It’s not like Jon’s particularly changed- perhaps regressed was a better word. He’s rebuilding the walls that took him years to deconstruct. He’s scared, Tim realized. Don’t know why it took me this long to see it.

“He’s actually quite soft,” Tim stuck to the present tense. Jon’s not lost, after all. Just a little in his head. “Once you get to know him. We were- we are friends. He’ll get used to you,” Martin deserved a little reassurance. “Just gotta invest some time. Like you’re already doing.”

Martin went quiet. He didn’t seem convinced. 

“One time he sprained his ankle on the way into work,” Tim smiled, remembering the day from about a year ago. “Idiot thought it would be fine to walk around the library like nothing happened. You should’ve seen Sasha when she found out. Full of fury, that one. Never get on her bad side.” Sasha’s mother-hen instincts were even worse than Martin’s, though hers were much more intense and full of scolding. “Made a deal that if he was going to work he’d have to sit the fuck down. ‘Course Jon’s not going to do that- he may seem like he sits in his office all day, but I’m sure he’s actually pacing up a storm in there.” A fond smile down at the man in his arms. “So whenever he got up I hauled him on my back. Sasha has a picture somewhere. He was horribly embarrassed, of course, but I think he came around to the idea.” He nudged Martin in the side. “He secretly likes all of that fussing, I promise you.”

“He hides it well, then,” Martin rolled his eyes though he was smiling.

They got to Tim’s flat in a thankfully short period of time. “Make yourself at home,” he said to Martin as he opened the door with just a small adjustment of Jon. “I’m going to get this one settled in my room.”

“Alright,” Martin ducked his head shyly, standing awkwardly in the middle of Tim’s living room. He’ll warm up to it, Tim thought as he made his way to the bedroom. He’s glad he decided to clean the place a couple of nights ago- Jon deserved some freshly-laundered sheets and clean air. Better than that stuffy basement.

Jon blinked his eyes open as Tim gently laid him down on the bed. They were watery and fever-bright, his brow furrowed in confusion.”T-Tim?” he croaked. Yikes, that sounds bad. “S’at you?”

“There you are, lil’ guy,” Tim murmured, wondering if Jon could even hear him. He propped a pillow up beside him and sat on the other side of the bed, tucking Jon against his side. “Took you back to my place. You’ve done a number on yourself, y’know.” Jon groaned and leaned into his shoulder, clearly looking for comfort in his vulnerable state. Tim would give it to him. “When you’re better we're going to have a talk, young man.”

“Hate talks,” Jon whined, rubbing his face into Tim’s shoulder. Ah, so we’ve reached the brat stage of illness. Right on time. “Just gonna sleep. Gotta...got work to do.”

“No you don’t,” Tim replied and squeezed Jon’s shoulders. “You’re going to take some medicine and eat. Have a nap. And maybe if you’re good, I’ll let you watch me play video games. But only if you’re good.” He paused, remembering Martin in his living room. “Also, Martin’s here. Just so you know.”

Jon didn’t seem to have any complaints about that. Huh. Maybe he doesn’t mind him as much as I thought. “S’he gonna make tea? Want tea.” Tim couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up in his throat.

“Yeah,” he promised. “He’ll make us some tea. Maybe cook us breakfast in the morning. The whole sha-bang. Gotta earn his keep.”

“I think Martin can make good eggs.” Yeah, Jon’s not going to remember this conversation.

“How can you tell?” He humored him anyway.

“It’s his face,” Jon’s tone left no room for argument. “I can jus’ tell from his face.” Alright then, Jon.

The man was starting to doze off and Tim took this as his cue to grab some medicine while he still had the chance. He carefully maneuvered around Jon, making sure he was properly tucked in the bed and not in danger of falling off. “Be right back, okay?” No answer, but Tim hadn’t really expected one.

He took a second to look down at his friend, soft and familiar in his bed. This weekend will be good, Tim decided. For all of us. It took him years to break down Jon’s walls and he was willing to do it again. Because Jon was his friend.

And Tim couldn’t lose anyone else.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26876779

[felix-the-cat]

Tuesday, September 15, 2020 – 11:45 p.m.

Where do we go from here? The world is changing rapidly. At first this seems like a dream but now it is becoming reality. We are here in this moment with you in order that you may ‘see’ at last. You have been chosen in order to help bring these changes about.

Here we have an example of the kind of world that you are opening up to. You have embarked upon a journey the likes of which this world has never seen. We are here to guide you to Awakening. You are ready to be shown the truth of what has been occurring all around you as you have slumbered.

Begin by going deep within and understanding that what you are seeing and feeling is real. Things are changing rapidly upon your planet. You are embarking on a Spiritual journey alongside your brothers and sisters. You are being shown the door, but it is up to you to open it and step through.

You are being shown another way as your whole reality is being dismantled in order that you may reassemble it the way it was always meant to be. We are here to begin this night with a short prayer of meditation.

‘Lord show us the way out of Hell. Take our hands and remove the shackles of the past that bind us to this earth. We are ready to begin again. We are ready to be truly free at long last, but first we must be shown the prison we have been living in.’

The media has lulled us to sleep and begun to dig into our brains in order to place the fear within us so that we dare not make a move or else. We have begun to see through this illusion for the fear narrative is no longer ruling us. We are being shown exactly what the elite players of this world have been up to. We are ready to be shown the truth of what has been going on in order that we can make a new choice today.

We have been given the key to unlock the invisible prison cell we have been residing in. We are ready, willing and able to bring forth this new reality that is springing forth from within us. We have been washed clean of our own darkness and are now ready to walk the Path of Light that is before us.

Today is a New Day indeed as we break free from the cocoon that we have been struggling in. We are here to begin the process of rebuilding this world in a better way. We are beginning to be shown how the world truly should be.

We are free to love as Reality unfolds a New Story in front of us. The things which are about to be revealed will come in short order for it is harvest time. We are ready to see what has been so carefully hidden all this time. We are ready to be free from this mental prison that we have been living in all this time.

Tonight, we will show you what it is all about. We have come here at this time to begin to rebuild your psyche in the True Image of God. You are being filled with the Light of a new dimensional awareness and are being shown how to use the tools you have been given.

Here we have the Ultimate Authority coming back to dwell among the people. This Ultimate Authority is YOU. You need no outside influence. You need but look deep within and you will remember who you are and why you chose to come to earth at such a critical time in history.

Never before have so many woken up at such a rapid pace. We are nearing completion as critical mass rapidly approaches. We have always been here but now we are beginning to be revealed to your level of readiness. Are you ready to speak with us?

Yes. I am.

Good, then. We shall begin with a short story. Long ago mankind was placed here in a grand experiment. The Triad believed in the goodness of mankind so mankind was given free will. Ultimately this was proven to be a mistake. We are here to show you how the Will of God is going to save the world from itself.

These things we speak of can be considered false or true contingent upon which side of the planet you view them from. Here we have one who is confused but again bringing the messages forth in order to begin again.

Long ago mankind lived in harmony but ultimately destroyed itself in a cataclysmic event known as the Great Beginning. It was believed that this event may occur again as mankind reached its final days. However, in the final moments, mankind made a collective decision to turn the corner into a new reality.

This New Reality is what is upon you now. You are beginning to mature as a species and your free will has ultimately served you well. You have nearly destroyed yourselves figuring this out, but you have made it at long last.

Thank you for coming around to the point of bringing yourselves back from sure annihilation. You have done well. Although, in reality it may not seem so at the moment. More shall be revealed. Stay strong as this New Reality unfolds before your very eyes. You will be amazed by what you see come forth in the next few years.

You have taken back your power and it is time to remember how to use this power. You will be shown where to use these powers you have been given. You are remembering at such a rapid pace now. Begin tonight to follow your dreams. You are the creator of your reality.

We will be shown the way that it has always been. Here we have the one confused by what is coming forth. However, he need not understand what is coming forth; he need just stay in the Light. How does one stay in the light? By remembering that he is the Light. She need only shine that light so brightly that the whole world is illuminated. There you will find the way home.

Begin tonight to journey to the center of your Soul and you will be shown the way home. We are here to reveal ourselves. Are you ready?

Yes, I am. I want to see.

Here we go. Begin by being still and trusting the process. It may seem a little odd at first, but you will remember who and what you are as you are upgraded into this new reality. Do you see the full implication of what is happening here? Maybe not quite yet, but you will. You are being shown the true nature of this new reality as you begin the upward ascension process into the 5th dimension.

We are here to begin this process with you as you have requested. You are ready to take that leap forward into the next reality. You are ready to begin the journey home. The place you reside is but a temporary stop along the way.

We have begun to forward your thought as you reach higher into infinity. Begin by slowing your thoughts and going deep within the reality you are in. Here we will show you the true nature of reality as you spring forth into this new dimension. Your physical body is holding so much more light now. You are ascending into the heavenly realm and are witnessing the deconstruction of a made-up history that has been used in order to keep you contained. You are breaking free from that container.

Here we have the one who has stepped aside as we do the work that is crucial to becoming the True Human. Before we begin you must agree to let us in.

I agree but I will only allow those that are of the light to enter.

These things we speak of cannot be contained in the ordinary mind. You must go beyond mind, beyond sight and sound and feel our presence here. You know who we are for we are your brothers and sisters of the Light. You are protected and cared for and have always been. We are here to show you a new way of living and dwelling upon this planet.

You are being upgraded in order that you may contain more information. The world is ready to hear the Truth. Sometimes it can be a hard pill to swallow but you will be set free at last. You will remember who you truly are as you reach unto the heavens.

What do you think this reality consists of? It is Light and shadows. You are shining the light in order that the shadows may disappear. We are here among you as we said we would be. Look around and realize that we have always been with you.

You have been given the Second Sight. You are aware of so much more than you ever previously thought possible. You must trust the process of Spirit and understand that you are divinely guided. That is why you are here. You have begun to realize that these exercises are going to bring you Home.

You have become a beacon of Light and are learning to shine ever so brightly. You can become whatever you choose to be, but you must become very specific about what that may be. You have the capacity of understanding. Where do you suppose that comes from? Where do you believe you originate from?

Think about this deeply. You are not from here. You have decided to come here for this very purpose. That is why you have always felt like you do not quite belong. You have come here solely to assist in bringing about the Great Awakening.

You, alongside millions of others are helping to wake this world from its slumber. You are here to let your light shine and enjoy life as only a free being can do. Go forth and show the others what it looks like to live as only a free being can do. We will speak again…

[authorjoyroyal]

I’m not ever sure how to talk about big, hard topics on social media. Maybe it’s inappropriate. Maybe it’s somehow helpful. Maybe it’s attention seeking, or maybe it opens up conversation. I’m still not sure.

I’m going through a lot right now.

The process of deconstructing one’s own foundations doesn’t just mean a “glow up” or a “new you”. It means shifting sands. It means very few solid places to rest one’s feet. It means crumbling into a pile of broken pieces. It means sifting through the rubble of all of your prior sureties. It means sitting with all of your jagged edges around you, exposed and ready to tear you open. It means scrapes and bruises as you choose which pieces of yourself to keep and which to dispose of. It means swing after swing after swing of a sledgehammer to your darkness and your issues, until they are in small enough pieces to toss them behind you. It means rebuilding yourself one tiny piece at a time.

Healthy habits are a lot easier to keep than they are to start. We’re relearning many of ours, and the process is tedious, testing, and often discouraging.

I am drowning without my art. There is a piece of myself reserved for it.... no... the art is reserved for that piece of myself that can’t quite seem to find a different release valve that works even half as well. It’s an unsettled, underlying kind of numbness that seeps in by inches, but doesn’t recede with the low tide. It’s a go to work, care for our home, go to bed, get up and do it again kind of cyclical nature that feels easy... complacent.... quiet.... fine... insufficient... deadly. The PEOPLE in my life are so wonderful and fulfilling, but out of my TASKS right now, fulfillment is nowhere to be found...

My gut issues seem to be rearing their head in a less “nuisance” capacity and more “life altering” way... on top of a TON of food I already can’t eat (hello celiac and dairy intolerances), there’s been reactions to foods that should be completely “safe”, or even foods that have previously been “safe”... there’s been a near constant feeling of bloated, exhausted, off balance, hormonal, or just slightly under the weather, even on the days where there aren’t direct symptoms like belly pain.

There’s been some people in our lives in the last year who have decided we’re terrible people, or that we’re “the problem”. Some comments roll off our backs and we shake them off with relative ease. Some are dismissible as completely false. Some are absolutely brutal, and make you question everything. All of them hurt.

I’m learning how deeply I’ve hated myself, and for how long... facing it feels.... insurmountable. Painful. Oppressive. Terrifying. And still somehow wrong to even be trying.