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#you did. i am not you. i am being myself and i am living in the moment. lol šŸ¤Ø
helvegen-s Ā· 2 days
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Rage, rage | four
prologue | one | two | three | four
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Pairing: Azriel x Hybern!Princess!OC
Summary: Nimue was a gift for the King of Hybern. His shining jewel, the perfect heir. However, she is clear about who the villain of the story is. When she saves her father's enemies from a tragic end, she realizes that now it's the Cauldron who has a gift for her: a mate.
Warnings: blood, bad language, talking about trauma, bad familiar relationships (King of hybern father of the year)
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Sitting in that chair, Nimue did nothing but absorb everything she saw around her: the paintings hanging on the walls, the rugs covering the floor, every detail placed on the shelves, the books arranged alphabetically...
It was all perfect. She had never imagined what the physical representation of the word "home" would be like, yet she felt it should be like this. In every carefully placed thing, she saw the affection behind it.
She stopped daydreaming and returned to the most pressing matter: the fact that, for some reason, she was tied to that chair.
Bound, but without seeing the ropes. It was an invisible force that pushed her against the wood of the armrests and the cushion of the backrest. She tried to suppress a laugh with little success because she knew effortlessly she could free herself from those ties. But well, if it made them feel safer, so be it.
She looked up, first to that male: Azriel, as she had heard others call him.
She still felt that sensation pulsing right in the middle of her being, making her gaze involuntarily go to him even in that room full of people.
Azriel felt like he was going to explode. He stood, leaning against the back of one of the sofas in the living room, positioned between Rhysand and Amren. With his arms crossed over his chest, he tried to control his breathing, counting to ten and releasing the air, counting again.
His wings trembled upon hearing the small laugh that escaped from the lips of that stranger. "What the hell are you laughing at? Do you find the situation funny?" he barked at the girl. She seemed surprised as her expression changed abruptly.
"No," she replied, furrowing her brow. She could feel the man's anger through that invisible thread connecting her to him. She tried to clear her mind. "It's just amusing that you have me tied up here. I can free myself at any moment, and if I don't, it's because I know you're afraid of me."
Rhysand's face must have been a sight. Afraid of her? He reinforced even more the restraints binding the girl to the chair, and with a sly smile, he took a step forward. "Dare to let yourself go, and you'll see what happens."
Was that some kind of sarcasm? Nimue didn't understand, she was just used to people speaking to her clearly, if only to avoid being in her presence more than necessary.
So she stood up, crossing the restraints of the High Lord like someone walking against a gentle breeze. Everyone jumped in their seats, reaching for their weapons or preparing to defend themselves.
But Nimue simply stood there, scanning from one to another: from the High Lord to Azriel, from the petite woman to Cassian, as she had heard Rhysand call him.
"I know you don't understand what I am or who I am right now, but it's okay. I'll explain it calmly, but you have to be willing to listen to me. You need me more than I need you."
Cassian let out a mocking laugh, "And why did you help us if you say you don't need us?"
And then silence fell.
Why had she helped them?
She had acted without thinking, that's for sure. She had never contradicted her father, and for the first time it was under such circumstances that something didn't fit deep within her conscience. She could excuse it with those memories that weren't hers: seeing those two humans in the Cauldron had awakened in her those memories from twenty years ago. But it wasn't just that.
Yes, she knew that within her, that idea of killing her father, ending him, stopping that plan he wanted to carry out and doing good had always been germinating. But in between there was always that rotten and unconditional love she felt for the King of Hybern, which was written in every cell of her being from the day she emerged.
"I needed an excuse," she said aloud. All the attention of those present was on her, and she kept talking. "I always knew my father was never the good one. I'm missing pieces of the story, I only know what he told me through filters. I know there are people in Prythian, I know there's going to be a war, I know everything revolves around the Cauldron. But I don't know much more."
My father.
When the girl uttered those words, Azriel felt a surge rising from the depths of his throat. How could a monster like the King of Hybern have sired such a beautiful creature?
Yes, beautiful. She is beautiful.
He stopped his thoughts abruptly, trying to ignore his own shadow's whispers. He was hallucinating, again.
"I also know that my father expected me to fight for him in this war, to incinerate Prythian's forces. He counted on an easy victory, however now..." Nimue's hands couldn't stop playing with the fabric of the dress she was wearing. It was then that she realized the pristine white fabric of her skirt was stained with blood, the blood of the Illyrians. She took a deep breath and continued speaking, "He's not going to take it very well that I've done this. That I've... betrayed him.ā€
"Well, don't tell me."
Nimue looked up at Azriel. Was that irony again?
Rhysand gave the Shadowsinger a stern look, and everyone fell silent again, waiting for the girl to speak.
But she didn't know where to continue. What should she tell them about herself? Should she tell them what she was?
And in the midst of the prolonged silence, the High Lord spoke up, "No one knew of the existence of a princess of Hybern. If you claim to be so powerful, why did your father never boast about you?"
There was something that didn't add up in all of this and had Rhysand uneasy. He felt the presence of the female, a pale, pulsating white light in the middle of the room. It was a strange magic, something he couldn't quite categorize within the fae magic that flowed through his veins. His gaze shifted to Amren, hoping she could shed some light on the situation, but to his surprise, she looked just as bewildered as he did.
"My father never wanted my existence to be known. I..." Nimue bit her lip, weighing how much revealing everything to this group of strangers would be a good idea. "I've never left Hybern. In fact, I've never left the castle."
"How old are you, girl? Have you been locked up in there your whole life?" Amren asked.
"It's hard to say how old I am. In this body, I've lived twenty years of yours. Before that... my memories are clouded."
"In this body? Before that?" Azriel inquired. He felt like he was going crazy, wanting to pull his hair out and scream. What was happening? Of all the outcomes he had predicted for today, this was certainly one he wouldn't have even dreamed of. "Tell us the truth, or I swear I'll slit your throat."
Nimue smiled, a poisonous smile she had learned from her father.
"I doubt it. If I have to kick your ass again like I did out there, I will," she held Azriel's gaze. And added, "And with pleasure."
Azriel snorted, baring his teeth in an aggressive gesture and reaching for his dagger. Nimue simply smiled, holding his gaze without flinching.
With that mask she had learned to wear.
Rhysand rolled his eyes and brought his hands to his face, trying to process everything that was happening.
They hadn't obtained the Cauldron, they had learned of Tamlin's betrayal, they had transformed his mate's sisters, and now this. It had been a very eventful day, to say the least.
"So you're trying to tell us that you've been in this world for twenty years, but before that, you were somewhere else, right? Do you remember where?"
"Yes," said Nimue. She tried to hold back another laugh at the absurdity of the situation. "In the Cauldron."
And they fell silent again.
The expressions on everyone's faces were like something out of a painting, and Nimue let out a quiet laugh.
She had never had to explain who or what she was; everyone where she came from knew. They all knew her.
"Well," she began calmly, "we all know my father, the King of Hybern. The fanatic, lunatic and power-hungry one."
"Yes, unfortunately."
"He impregnated one of his royal concubines, and in the midst of that madness, he decided to put her in the Cauldron. I don't know if it was under coercion from the Cauldron itself, if it was a demand my father made, or what. But the woman died instantly, and in exchange for her life, I came out of the Cauldron."
"So, you're telling me that the Cauldron not only has the power to turn humans into fae, as we've seen with Feyre's sisters. You're telling me," Rhysand took a deep breath, trying to organize his thoughts, "that the Cauldron granted the King a daughter in exchange for a sacrifice, no more, no less."
"Yes, but it's not something that will happen again. The Cauldron created me as its own whim, just as it has done with those two humans you mentioned. Feyreā€™s sistersā€¦"
ā€œElain and Nesta.ā€
"Yes," said Nimue. "What it has done with them won't happen again. Not for a long time, at least. The Cauldron only responds to its own impulses, and I don't even understand them myself. Our fae minds aren't made to understand what the Cauldron is or how it acts. Not even the mind of that creature."
Nimue pointed at Amren, who crossed her arms with a sly smile.
"Well, on that you're right. Not even this creature," she said, pointing to herself, "is capable of understanding under what desires that pot acts."
And they all fell silent again, weighing the situation and assimilating what the girl had said.
Azriel was simply angry, furious. He couldn't feel anything else at that moment. He didn't care much about the Cauldron's affairs, nor did he lose sleep over trying to understand how it worked.
He just wanted to know why he had the misfortune of finding out that his mate, whom he had been waiting to meet since he was a child, had to be the damn daughter of the King of Hybern.
"And regarding your problem," Nimue continued, this time addressing only Azriel, "well, our problem. I never knew what a mate was, as you called it. I knew that the Cauldron forged the souls of people to be incomplete, so that if they were lucky, they would find the other half they were missing during their life. But when I saw you, when I felt it, I was able to understand. I'm sorry if it's been a disappointment, but it is what it is."
Azriel frowned, his arms crossed and the hair on his arms bristling. He felt like he was trembling with rage.
"I didn't ask for this, princess."
Nimue didn't want to admit it, but the pull of disdain she felt on the other side of the bond made her heart shrink.
"Great, neither did I."
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Taglist:
@lilah-asteria @agentsofsheilds @leptitlu @just-here-reading @glitterypirateduck @saltedcoffeescotch @donttellthecats @annblvd
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lovelybrooke Ā· 2 days
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Letters Never Sent (Yandere Malleus x Reader)
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A letter wrote by Malleus Draconia, never sent to the object of his desires. Why don't you open it up and see what's inside...
masterlist
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Dear My Child of Man,
I am writing this letter with no intention of you receiving it.Ā 
Maybe this is "silly" as you would describe it, but I find myself slowly losing the restraint on my emotions as the days go by. My heart fills with unfamiliar feelings as I think of you, mixing together into an ever present sense of desire that makes me near shameful.Ā 
I find myself thinking of you always, from the moment I wake, to the moment I fall asleep. You seep your way into my dreams, where for but a moment I can relish in the fantasy that is you. I dream of your soft voice, your comforting gaze, your addicting presence. You are so captivating that I often forget I'm dreaming, until I awake with an aching feeling I've come to know as longing.Ā 
I long for you, I've learned.
I long for your voice, for your gaze, for your presence. I long for every essence of your being to be directed towards me. Some may call me a fool, scoff my way and paint me a madman, but I am nothing without my love for you, so it bothers me none. I often wonder if you think of me as intensely as I do you. I have to admit it is exciting, the mere thought of you reciprocating my feelings warms me so. It is intoxicating, even as a fantasy, simply imagining a life with you is enough for me. Somedays, I imagine gifting you with an unending dream, one where it is just us, away from the rest of the world. Away from duty, and work, and anything else that could distract us from each other, from our love. We would be together and we would be happy until the end of your days, and even after you're gone, I would continue loving you.Ā 
You were always so opposed to the idea, immortality. I remember the look on your face when you realized just how long I had lived, the sadness, the remorse, the pain. At that moment, it was not something I feared, more accurately not something I thought much about. It was not until I met you that it dawned upon me that at some point, you would leave this world, and that it would keep moving. Time would progress, people would grieve, but they would move on, plants would sprout and grow and wilt and eventually grow again, but I would remain stuck. Stuck with my dreams and fantasies. Stuck with the memory of you so present it would be like you never left in the first place.Ā 
Even now, I fear what the world would be like without you. Not much fills me with fear, my Child of Man, but I've found myself scared lately. The thought of you leaving, of going back to your home, and never returning scares me. It is almost comical in a way, I find myself dreading the thought even while writing this. You should be proud, how easily you are able to terrify me is an excellent skill, one many would love to possess.Ā 
You were my first true friend, did you know that? I have Lilia and Silver and Sebek, but I've always been treated as above them, as something untouchable. You were the first person to treat me like an equal, to bless me with the wonderful feeling of friendship. I often find myself racked with guilt, why should I desire more from you when you've already given me so much already? It is selfish, to seek out your love so desperately when I've already taken so much from you. You are my friend, and I should value our friendship above all.Ā 
But that is why I fear, because my love for you goes beyond the boundaries of friendship. I would even say it goes beyond the boundaries of love. It is a longing so deep I wonder if I'll ever be the same again, all while knowing that I am too engrossed in the feeling that is you to ever go back. A longing so deep I yearn with desire unexplainable to man, desire so profound and raw that I am sure you have changed something within me. A longing so deep the closest word to describe it is obsession, but even obsession doesn't explain the hundreds of letters, all unset, pilling away, all centering you.Ā 
Fear, love, what do distinctions matter if every single one of my thoughts center you.Ā 
I have no desire to send this letter, my Child of Man, but I hope with every meeting, every passing day, every time we are together, you are able to feel the love I hold for you. I hope my longing, my devotion, my never ending, boundless obsession is clear to you, my love.Ā 
Because I fear what will happen when I run out of paper.
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A/n: here's to me hoping that this will break my writers block.
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dontfuckingbother Ā· 2 days
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Overanalyze helluva trailer with me:
i.m.p. has to get out of hell (or hide) that's why they move their job to earth (maybe?)
GHOSTBUSTERS MODE ON
why is blitzo waving a vibrator at millie will always be a question
why is fizzy waving a GIANT DICK WILL BE A QUESTION EVEN IF A KNOW A CONTEXT. and we can see wings jewelery in the background??? hmmmmm
dhorks and cherubs work together, not much of a surprise there
Stolas finally gave the crystal to blitzo
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT WAR MACHINE DHORKS CAME UP WITH IT LOOKED LIKE THAT SHIT FROM BIG 6
goetia family reunion WE NEED TO SEE PAIMON HE'S SO GOOD AT DADDYING
"this transactional thing we have, it's not right anymore, it hasn't been (Stolas VA, sit on my face)"
why is blitzo holding an XXL yankee candle will always be a question
traumatised owl(s)
OKAY WE HAVE MAMMON WHICH GIVES ME HOPE WE'LL SEE MORE OFF ASMODEUS AND FIZZMODEUS PLEASE PLEASE PLEAK PLEAK
"i just want someone to care, i want someone to want... ME!" (i want you stolas, don't worry baby, i will make it better shhhhh)
"YOU FUCKS THINK YOU CAN DO THIS EEVERYYYY TIMEEEEE like you can just PLAY WITH OUR FEELINGS BECAUSE WE'RE SMALLER AND NOT AS IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!"
BLITZ UGLY CRYING (IN HIS MOTHERS ARMS???)
Stolas and Blitzo fight (first neilg gaiman, now vivzo, my death note does have page limit you know!!!!!)
I live for Stola's sarcastic bow to blitz
If I had a nickle every time i saw blitzo ugly crying on his red couch i'd have three nickles which is not much but it's weird it happened thrice
"YOU'RE A DISGRACE'" IS THAT YOU PAIMON MY PAIMON SENSES ARE TINGLING. Is it about him finding out he slept with an imp? Or him being gay in general? Or him divorcing Stella?
Millie having a beef with Blitzo, now that's unexpected
FIZZY AND BLITZO WORKING TOGETHER???? Also why are they standing next to a big heart-mirror-machiney thingy??
"YOU NEVER LOVED MOTHER, AND YOU DON'T LOVE ME, YOU ONLY LOVE HIM"
those are the most beautiful and haunting words i've heard in a while
"I DESTROY EVERYTHING I MAKE EVERYONE'S LIVES WORSE"
Fizzy's rehabilitation period!!!!! Another puzzle! Blitzo's father was with him at the hospital!
BLITZO WHY DID YOU JUST CRUSH MILLIE'S HEAD UP A WALL
"i don't wanna be this way... not forever"( NOT HIM IMAGINING STOLAS WHILE SAYING THAT)
"Thank you Blitz. For making me... SO happy. Even for only a little while" I am not well
Stolas singing on a stage with Verosika and Tex????
WHY DID STOLAS STROKE THIS ROSE LIKE THAT SIR???? SIR????
no fucking way we'll be getting two episodes now, and the other three after fucking october, i will fucking AGHHHHHHHHHHH AIHFIUHAKUSHKDJHAKJSHDKJHAKJHDAKJ
Let's overanalize the names of the episodes:
The full mood - the big party at goetia because of the full moon? Is this the episode when stolas and blitzo break apart??? who knows, i dont
Apology tour - is this the episode with Verosika? Please let Stolas go wild on that stage
Ghostfuckers - okay so in this episode they go work as ghostbusters in that creepy hotel or whatever
Mastermind - big climac with dhorks and cherubs plz
Sinman - Please let it not be a stupid fucking christmas episode, but a full ass redeption arch for blitzo and him reuniting with stolas, if it'll be a fucking cliffhanger like season 1 of OFMD i will fucking i dont know what set myself on fire, thats what will fucking happen fucking god FUUUUUUUCK i swear like a fucking sailor
I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine
I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine
I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine
I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine I am not fine
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mrs-snape5984 Ā· 2 days
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ā€žI hope, Iā€™ll always have you in my mind, so that I know to find you every time.ā€œ
ā€žPut your head on my chest, thatā€™s your safe place. Weā€˜ll fall deeper in love every day. From life unto life and for always.ā€œ (ā€žSoul Mateā€œ by Flora Cash)
Thereā€™s something in my current life, that came hand in hand with my disease ME/CFSā€¦slowly creeping into my fibresā€¦infecting my mind with sadness. Itā€™s loneliness, that Iā€™m talking about. Overwhelming, crushing, suffocating loneliness.
Before this cruel bitch of a disease put a stopper in my life, as I knew it from before, I havenā€™t been healthy, either. But neither my severe Colitis Ulcerosa, nor the other few sicknesses and disabilities had achieved to break me the way, ME/CFS broke me!
Whatā€™s left, is only a shell of myselfā€¦a sad shadow of the woman, Iā€™ve been prior to today. Where did the intelligent, sassy, witty and caring person go to, when she disappeared so insidiously from my personality? On some days, I still get a little glimpse of her, when Iā€™m talking to my beloved friends @vulnus-sanare, @preciousthelmadonna or my bestie Miri, who often just ā€œenjoysā€ sitting beside me in my dark roomā€¦embraced by silence and darkness. These tiny jiffies, when Iā€™m recognising my previous characterā€¦my true nature, even though itā€™s only for a brief time, Iā€™m feeling a little less anxiousā€¦a little less worthless.
But sadly, these moments become more rare with each new PEM crash of my disease (PEM = Post-exertional malaise = worsening of symptoms after certain activities). It feels as if Iā€™m fading away from lifeā€¦Iā€™m fading away from other peopleā€™s lives as well as from my own.
Since I canā€™t leave my dark room - and most of the time even my bed - Iā€™m not capable of joining social gatherings anymore. Itā€™s impossible for me to endure listening to more than one person at once, so even my three kids have to ā€œvisitā€ me one after the other in my chamber. There are days, when I canā€™t even reply to messages from others, just because screen time is killing me.
All the more, Iā€™m grateful for these few friends, who stay with me, no matter how silent I am, because they make me feel worthier and loved. And yet, Iā€™m afraid of not being able to give them the same amount of support in returnā€¦due to the restrictions of my cruel reality, which are confining me.
So, there are many days, which Iā€™m spending in total gloominess and silence with nothing but solitude surrounding me. And even if Iā€™d be capable of sending text or audio messages (since I canā€™t type them out properly sometimes), I often hold myself back from reaching out to these understanding friendsā€¦only because I donā€™t want to be a burden to them.
I commissioned the lovely artist @hannisimp for this beautiful piece of art. Lin, you gave me exactly, what I needed with this tender artwork of yours. You gave me the feeling of being less alone. Severus accompanies me for 21 years now. Heā€™s the safe haven, the comfort blanket, which Iā€™m clinging to so desperately! My dear, I canā€™t stress enough, how grateful I am for your fine art. You made the love and the trust between Severus and my - oh, so self-inserted - OC Jules become palpable. There are no words to express my gratitude, so I just stay with these: Thank you for everything, my friend! Thank you for your talent, your kindness and each of your messages. I wonā€™t ever take these things for granted.
šŸ–¤Severus & JuliašŸ–¤
šŸ–¤Sevy & JulesšŸ–¤
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myobsessionsspace Ā· 18 hours
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Fun ask: Do you like unconfirmed but possible JiKook thoughts? So JK did GCF-T and used the song There For You - "But you gotta be there for me too" ending line. For 2019 summer, JM on vacation with friends, returned for JKs b'day, etc. JM made a travel vlog for that trip, using the song Come Thru - "Can you come thru?" ending line. (It always stood out to me as an odd choice for a travel vlog.) Soon after, JK began getting the tattoos that included the infamous "J M". Was that JKs answer to JMs question? Aside: the Vlog video concept reminds me of Closer Than This video theme. JMs Vlog -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl3QLdm2uts
Hello Lovely,
Ooohhh youā€™ve asked THE question. Where do I stand with unconfirmed but possible Jikook thoughts or how Iā€™d probably see it ā€˜Jikooker Theoriesā€™ & ā€˜Jikooker Deluluā€™ (said lovingly)?
TL;DR - Iā€™m the worst with this. Honestly my jikooker friends get so frustrated when they delulu and then theyā€™re likeā€¦Em?? How about you?? And Iā€™m likeā€¦
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The main reason Iā€™m so enraptured by Jikook and everything around their bond is because I really donā€™t need to be into unconfirmed but possible thoughts.
Credit: factkm
You donā€™t need to squint to spot their unique duo in the midst of anything or anyone else. I donā€™t even need to put my glasses on to look at them and see that theyā€™re different.
Thatā€™s what I like so much about them, they radiate in their actions and words how they feel about each other and how close and unique their bond is, whatever it is itā€™s closer than close and itā€™s the two of theirs.
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Donā€™t get me wrong I find it fun delving into Jikook theories. Iā€™m blown away by the intelligent minds that can spot certain connections and patterns. Iā€™m only human too, so Iā€™m a nosy cow. I eat it all up, their off schedule sightings and 1:23 theories etc. I studied psychology and am a lover of love, so of course Iā€™m interested in getting as much information to draw conclusions and all that jazz.
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One of many Jikook Icebergs. I love me some Jikook theories butā€¦I above all love Jikook period.
But to me even if all the theories and unconfirmed thoughts of others are stripped away, Jikook give me enough to not need any of that.
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Itā€™s a funny balance, taking in others unconfirmed Jikook thoughts. Reading what people say, people thousand of miles away from Jikook, from different upbringings, backgrounds, careers, cultures, ages, genders. People whoā€™ve never met Jikook on a personal level or been apart of Jikookā€™s inner most circle and not letting it become fact to you, taking their thoughts and opinions as gospel.
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Jungkook is me sometimes when trying to get into Jikooker number theories šŸ˜©
I love all types of jikooker accounts, art ones, writer ones, historian ones, spicy ones, super investigative ones etc. Iā€™m still figuring out myself how deep into unconfirmed jikooker thoughts Iā€™D share.
Iā€™d love the asks to help me discover what I would be able to answer. **SO ASK AWAYšŸ’œ** and letā€™s see how that goes. Itā€™d all be my opinion and my opinion only though.
If itā€™s not something plainly my opinion, I prefer to stand by everything being backed up by evidence from Jikook and those closest to them, like the members. If it isnā€™t a verified interview, from original content that can be referenced, from their vlives/weverse lives, sns etc Iā€™m not too keen šŸ˜¬
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VS
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Very easily, unconfirmed thoughts can become fact in subsections of fandoms like shipping fandoms, solo fandoms etc. So I like to make sure I can find the first source from when/where/who it started from.
So in conclusion,
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I love the fun of it all, the unconfirmed Jikook thoughts, the theories, the sleuthing and delulu.
I do try with my #Tin Foil Hat: Jikook (Iā€™ll tag it so you can take a look if interested) but itā€™d maybe take asks that make me go for it in more depth?
But ultimately if itā€™s not from Jikookā€™s words, their overt and also their not so subtle displays and actions OR if itā€™s not from those confirmed as closest to themā€¦then to me itā€™s nothing more than light entertainment that starts and ends there. Nothing that will shape how I view Jikook.
Thank you for you ask!
šŸ’œ
P.S I think ā€˜Letterā€™ is Jiminā€™s GCF Tokyo/GCF Saipan and ā€˜Closer Than Thisā€™ is the fan song for the collective of BTS fans known as ARMY, cos you know, Jungkook is Jiminā€™s fan too!
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orbleglorb Ā· 3 days
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blaseball in the tumblr universe, part 4
(part 3 might be needed for context)
[ID 1: divider to show that there is a new post]
[ID 2: divider to show that a new reblog has been added to a post /end IDs]
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anonymous asked:
so what exactly did you think was going to happen when you made your tumblr username Official Jessica Telephone?
ā˜Žļø official-jessica-telephone
idk man i thought maybe before sending an ask, which you have to click on my profile to do, people would see my header that says "not jessica telephone" in all caps. maybe they'd even read my bio that says i'm a 17 year old transmasc named michael living in the uk.
#telephone calls #please please please it is not that hard.
620 notes
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šŸ¦ž marketplace-shellfish šŸ”
šŸ‘› antique-handbags Follow
Working in ILB offices is so fun. Why did my boss just ask me who Donald Trump is.
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šŸ‘› antique-handbags
Wrong blog but too late to delete now :P
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šŸ¦ž marketplace-shellfish
Wait. So Parker IIIII knows who Ronald Reagan is, but not Donald Trump?
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šŸ‘› antique-handbags
The Game Band (and me and some others, but mostly TGB) give Commish school lessons on off hours. They've only made it to around the 80s or 90s in history in the eleven-ish years he's been around. I usually do English and Math with him so IDK what's going on there.
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šŸ¦ž marketplace-shellfish
Amazing. What the fuck
#I hope that's not supposed to be confidential #Would rather not get fired #<- Prev honestly I don't think anyone but maybe your coworkers could figure out who you are? #You're pretty good at not sharing personal details outside of this post #Or maybe I've missed a couple of posts idk
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anonymous asked:
You're one to get up on a soapbox about respecting celebrities. You literally named yourself after Mike Townsend.
ā˜Žļø official-jessica-telephone
i literally named myself after michael the distortion tma
#telephone calls #hitting my head against the wall #also i hate being called mike. lmao #canceling my parents for naming my sister after my grandmother
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šŸ¶ catgirlfirefighter šŸ”
šŸŒ¼ buildmeupbuttercup Follow
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šŸ¶ catgirlfirefighter
what if this was my last straw
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ā˜•ļø eyesinthedark11
im sorry but the reader is so funny to me. giant eyeball that comes outta nowhere and says "your team is gonna suck absolute shit this season. here's a card and a riddle. fuck you" and then the coin is so clearly trying to get this guy away from blaseball but it doesn't care. comes every earlsiesta and is like "your team has a chance of sucking so bad it hurts. over under under over" and then LEAVES. do we think the coin and the reader are divorced
#i am NOT maintagging this shit
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foxes-that-run Ā· 2 days
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But Daddy I Love Him
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Daddy I love him is an Ariel quote, when Ariel gives up her voice for love. Taylor has given up love for her voice (career), but also not spoken up for what she wants most. But Daddy I Love Him is a continuation of a theme of how fame and fandoms have affected Taylor's personal life. What I love about this song is it sounds like an older Taylor Swift song, she embraces a country sound and speaks her mind.
While the parallels to the reaction to a relationship in May 2023 can be seen, this overlooks much of her experience with this behaviour. I don't mean to say it is not an element, but it is far from a complete story to say it is about ending a 3 week relationship with someone about whom she also said "And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive" on the same record.
In her NYU Graduation address in May 2022 Taylor had part of the concept in this already swirling in her mind, a full year before she dated Matty Healy:
Having journalists write in-depth, oftentimes critical, pieces about who they perceive me to be made me feel like I was living in some weird simulation, but it also made me look inward to learn about who I actually am. Having the world treat my love life like a spectator sport in which I lose every single game was not a great way to date in my teens and twenties, but it taught me to protect my private life fiercely. Being publicly humiliated over and over again at a young age was excruciatingly painful but it forced me to devalue the ridiculous notion of minute by minute, ever fluctuating social relevance and likability.Ā 
What Taylor is referring to is the treatment by the media and fandoms throughout her career, but this was never more of an issue than 2012-2014. Nothing is a terrifying as a teenager on fledgeling social media. This TikTok creator describes it perfectly:
From tabloids, twitter, tumblr, even people who looked like Taylor were abused.
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So yes, Harry has had and worn t-Shirt with the song title for years, and yes they have both dressed up as Ariel. But that is not all that makes this song about Taylor loosing her love over fan behaviour... it's because she did. She lost the love she wrote 1989 including "This love left a permanent mark / This love is glowing in the dark" Ā about. And it continues today, there are a lot of people who still call Harry's partners vile names and think it is OK to treat others poorly because they suggest he could care for someone. I think anyone who's read this far knows exactly what I mean, probably first hand.
This affected Taylor the point the Clean Speeches on the 1989 Tour were on this topic, every night she talked about bullying, self worth and holding onto love.
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The 'Daddy' is not just the fans and media, but probably her team also. I think the varied shapes in the CDs are to show this comes in many forms and roles, not just one experience. As Taylor said to Rolling Stone in 2014 before 1989 was released:
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Lyrics
[Verse 1] I forget how the West was won I forget if this was ever fun I just learned these people only raise you To cage you Sarahs and Hannahs in their Sunday best Clutching their pearls, sighing, ā€œWhat a messā€ I just learned these people try and save you ā€˜Cause they hate you
For the international fans like myself 'How the West was Won' is a 1960's film about American colonisation. I think the opening 2 lines do 2 things, place us in a country setting and also tell us Taylor cares more about speaking her mind than what may be higher bigger goals.
The second half of this verse goes on to set out that it is fans who are approaching her love lost as trauma porn, and I am here for it.
I also note the cage reference, Taylor (and Harry) have a long theme of being caged or trapped by fame, she has a literal cage in her Nashville apartment, he has a cage tattoo and they have used cage, glass boxes, fishbowls, snowglobe imagery. Here she points out the fans are not really there for her, they are seeking to control her.
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[Pre-Chorus 1] Too high a horse for a simple girl To rise above it They slammed the door on my whole world The one thing I wanted
The pre-chorus furthers that the final straw has been broken, she's been cornered by fans to give up something she cares for.
Vigante Shit "Ladies always rise above / Ladies know what people want / Someone sweet and kind and fun /The lady simply had enough"
Is It Over Now? "I was hoping youā€™d be there and say the one thing Iā€™ve been wanting, but no"
That is the only time Taylor has sung about ā€˜wanting one thing' before. This also reminds me of the Delicate Behind the Scenes, where she said she got a note from a lover and wants to be with him but realises 'it can never be him'
[Chorus] Now Iā€™m running with my dress unbuttoned ScrŠµaming, ā€œBut, Daddy, I love him Iā€™m having his babyā€ No, Iā€™m not, but you should see your faces Iā€™m telling him to floor it through thŠµ fences No, Iā€™m not coming to my senses I know heā€™s crazy, but heā€™s the one I want
In the chorus Taylor acts out a churlish child yelling at a father. The 'daddy' is many roles, her actual parents, fans, media and probably record company and PR people who told her she could be with the one she loved, throughout her life. She says the matching line to Harry's Kiwi, which has the same meaning.
Taylor 'floors it through the fences, fed up and unwilling to listen. This is great imagery, to break through fences, and also as metaphorical fences that have been placed around what considered acceptable for her. Cars are also a Haylor theme, including Run below and often used as a metaphor for their love escaping as it is here. (All I know is that youĀ droveĀ us off the road / Letā€™s get out of this town,Ā driveĀ out of the city, away from the crowds)
Is It Over Now?: Was it over when he unbuttoned my blouse?
Run: And my so-called friends, they donā€™t know Iā€™d drive away before I let you go
In Kiwi Harry yells a tabloid line followed with it's none of your business. In his Harry's House ONO complete with pointing at the camera and crowd. Taylor also referenced these same tabloids headlines in the Reputation magazine.
Kiwi "I'm having your baby / It's none of your business"
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[Verse 2] Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid Tendrils tucked into a woven braid Growing up precocious sometimes means Not growing up at all He was chaos, he was revelry Bedroom eyes like a remedy Soon enough, the elders had convened Down at the city hall
In the second verse Taylor establishes that she has gone everything asked of her:
Style - "I got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt"
Style - "So it goes, he canā€™t keep his wildĀ eyesĀ on the road"
Yet is denied freedom and the elders decree the match is unsuitable. I think the elders are her team. She describes the muse as chaos and revelry. This is very reminiscent of the I Knew You Were Trouble introduction poem, but while in 2012 Taylor was contrite and said it was too much she now revels in the revelry:
"And the crazy thing is I don't know if I'm ever gonna feel that way again, but I don't know if I should. I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright, but I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you? Maybe he knew that when he saw me. I guess I just lost my balance. I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him it was losing me"
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[Pre-Chorus 2] ā€œStay away from herā€ The saboteurs protested too much Lord knows the words we never heard Just screeching tires and true love
The 'daddy' has now forbidden the love, this is reminiscent of Love Story: "And my daddy said, ā€œStay away from Julietā€
[Chorus] And Iā€™m running with my dress unbuttoned Screaming, ā€œBut, Daddy, I love him Iā€™m having his babyā€ No, Iā€™m not, but you should see your faces Iā€™m telling him to floor it through the fences No, Iā€™m not coming to my senses I know heā€™s crazy, but heā€™s the one I want
'Crazy' and Madness are a Haylor theme, particularly in the Blank Space music video, and these lyrics
Wonderland "And in the end, in Wonderland, we both went mad"
Kiwi "She's driving me crazy, but I'm into it (Oh) and "It's getting crazy, I think I'm losing it, I think I'm losing it"
But many more songs:
[Post-Chorus 1] Iā€™ll tell you something right now Iā€™d rather burn my whole life down Than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning Iā€™ll tell you something ā€™bout my good name Itā€™s mine alone to disgrace I donā€™t cater to all these vipers dressed in empathā€™s clothing
I love the last line, vipers dressed in empaths clothing, that is exactly what they are.
[Bridge] God save the most judgmental creeps Who say they want whatā€™s best for me Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies Iā€™ll never see Thinking it can change the beat Of my heart when he touches me And counteract the chemistry And undo the destiny You ainā€™t gotta pray for me Me and my wild boy and all of this wild joy If all you want is gray for me Then itā€™s just white noise, and itā€™s just my choice
The only time Taylor has described someone as wild in lyrics is in Style "So it goes, he canā€™t keep his wild eyes on the road"
Afterglow "Chemistry until it blows up"
I love the end of the bridge, elsewhere on the record Taylor describes her long term relationship as grey, staid and boring. For many years some fans have shoehorned this person into lyrics because they want to see themselves in her, as they settle down they want her too. From my point of view some rather loud warning signs in songs were overlooked, or seen as 'she's remembering the past/when they first got together' to avoid accepting she was unhappy and wanted out.
Out of the Woods "The rest of the world was black and white But we were in screaming color"
[Verse 3] Thereā€™s a lot of people in town that I Bestow upon my fakest smiles Scandal does funny things to pride, but brings lovers closer We came back when the heat died down Went to my parents and they came around All the wine moms are still holding out But fuck ā€™em, itā€™s over
This verse is where I think it becomes clear than the 2023 lens is at best reminding Taylor of a past love, because that relationship never came back. Matty has said they never dated in 2014, there was no controversy around her attending concerts then. They dated for a few weeks then stopped talking, and of story.
However Harry and Taylor did sing about a hidden relationship for years. In fact Taylor wasn't connected to anyone else in a serious way for three years. In particular
Wildest Dreams: I said, ā€œNo one has toĀ knowĀ what we doā€
This Love "This love came back to me, oh, oh, oh"
I know places : "Somethin' happens when everybody finds out / See the vultures circling, dark clouds" and "we're bulletproof I know places (Hide) and you know for me, it's always you"
ā€¦Ready For It?: "Island breeze and lights down low, no one has toĀ know"
I Know Places TV's lyric video for got a very TTPD themed look.
[Final Chorus] Now Iā€™m dancing in my dress in the sun and Even my daddy just loves him Iā€™m his lady And, oh, my God, you should see your faces Time, doesnā€™t it give some perspective? And, no, you canā€™t come to the wedding I know itā€™s crazy, but heā€™s the one I want
Taylor is asking her fans, parents, media if they have grown up, from when they were teenagers playing with her real life, do they have perspective and willing to accept that she loves someone of her choosing?
And no, they can't come to the wedding, but I bet they have Eras Tour tickets....
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realbeefman Ā· 7 months
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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alsojnpie Ā· 3 months
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dishes are forever
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somecunttookmyurl Ā· 1 year
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all the while society conflates "being an adult" with "having a proper job" and "having money to make arbitrary Adult Purchases" disabled people who can't work - or can only work part time or can only do entry level baby jobs - will never be 'allowed' to be adults
you can say "being an adult is looking after yourself you don't have to have a job!!!" all you want but most people who say that will still assume anybody who doesn't either can't or won't 'look after themselves' actually. and every 'marker' of 'adulthood' that's observable and thus actually counts or whatever loops back around to... having a job and 'contributing' something
#yeah i have netflix on all day#i am quite literally signed off of work for the -rest of my life-#what the fuck else would you like me to do with my time when most people are in fact at work#or did you think i can't have the tv on and put laundry away at the same time or something#must i work on commissions on silence in a dour room to be perceived as an adult#anyway 'looking after yourself/your home/your pet' is not observable#to anybody who doesn't like ACTUALLY live in your house#unless you are extremely obviously NOT doing it#if a tree falls in a forest etc#owning a house? job. like not even 'in this economy? lol'#disabled people LITERALLY can't because we aren't allowed to have enough savings for a deposit#car? would you honestly trust me with a vehicle lol but also: job#you mostly cannot buy a car without one it's a requirement for the lease#otherwise you aren't 'trusted' to pay it on time#incidentally most landlords will also - perfectly legally - refuse to rent to you because you are going to be unreliable with the rent#which is being paid directly by the gov anyway like take your trust issues up with them bro#a family? if i get married or cohabit with a partner my income gets sliced in half#so to support even myself let alone a child would require. drumroll please. employment#savings? adults have savings right? yeah but unlike you i have a gov enforced cap on mine#'good furniture not shit from ikea' (someone has remarked that ikea furniture is 'college dorm-y' it's going here)#i mean do i have to say it
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uncanny-tranny Ā· 7 months
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I always think it's funny that a terrible life is one where "you're alone with no lover and you will only have the company of cats to keep you scarcely tethered to the real world.
Like... don't threaten me with a good time. That is a dream to me
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oatbugs Ā· 1 month
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that šŸ˜ . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared šŸ’€ but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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huxianposts Ā· 1 year
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I know what you are...
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ATTACHED
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angellurgy Ā· 22 days
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squeak
#when i am gone it will be no more impactful than a tree falling in a forest with no one to hear it.#my death will have a meaninglessly small impact on this world. maybe it'll have a larger impact on the incorporeal.#there is something in my soul. something hungry. a serpent of unstoppable magnitude held captive in my stomach.#it wont stop until it or i kill us both will it? like a cancer.#im so deeply sorry im so bad at responding to everyone's kind messages. even more so sorry for what will eventually happen next#i have some plans. to excise this tumor that is myself. to rid the world of this putrid filth girl who is nothing but a drain on her compan#we'll see what happens. at least i got my body to a point of self approval before. at least i tried music. at least i tried to be me.#even if it changed nothing. at least im more secure in my being. if only the people around me werent so emotionally far. if only we cld tal#if only i could live with my self approval instead of loving and wanting so dearly. instead of having a mind corrupted by love#and friendship#i was so much. i know you all barely know anything about me in reality. if i asked any you'd probably just list off kinks and species.#but still. ty those who'll remember yk...#and as backup. if it doesnt work. well. please dont hate me. im just a girl who needs out. and cant keep her thoughts inside more#i hope i can be happy in the afterlife. i hope i can see these angels and maybe be one myself.#gonna put a post on top of this to hide it from brand new ppl lookjng at my blog. bc yeah. you all dont need to hear all of this#its the last one of these for this period either way#god i wish i couldve gone to toronto. i want to so bad still. god. why did i have to realize my hopelessness now of all times#bye
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midnight-moth Ā· 4 months
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Can someone recommend a fun game? (PC, itā€™s all I got)
Iā€™m not really interested in fps or anything overly violent. The last game I played was Ni No Kuni 2 and I liked it a lot.
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dayurno Ā· 16 days
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#i will warn you only once: tsc spoilers#literally just finished it as i am drafting this its 5am where i live#so you may be subjected to some nonsense#that all being said i have thoughts.and feelings#the kevin was lovely and tasted delicious! jean defending him at every turn even when he swears to hell and back he'll kick his ass#the kevjean was surprising i was only half expecting that#the dog metaphors i have to say i need this one cashed in. nora run me my check#im joking of course dont quote me on it#jean taking kevins promise to the end and living on it is seriously so. well.#'be careful with him' 'take kevin's name out of your ignorant mouth' 'you promised me'#also kevin getting called the court's queen had me tender and on my back oml#jean's relationship with the trojans is sweet and he is very interesting and complicated#a character with many moving parts im sure#there were a few things i did not care for#namely jeremy and the trojans felt remarkably flat to me bar lucas (by far the most interesting) and catalina on occasion#i didnt quite enjoy jeremy's pov and felt like he spent perhaps way too much time worrying over jean? if that makes sense#i wish he had some more complexity to him or really anything to catch a hook on#all we know is hes attractive and smiley and gets along terribly with his family#so much of his character is sucked out by jean he didnt feel like much more than a plot device to me#which i wouldnt mind if jeremy wasnt the literal main character alongside jean#i was living for everything jean thought but had to drag myself through jeremy's pov if im honest#uuuuh what else. neil! funny. deranged. i have to love him#andrew couldnt give less of a fuck about jean which is funny as all fuck#two bugs placed in the same habitat ignoring each other#the thing with elodie i thought was complicated. i wish we knew some more about her or that shed been mentioned a little earlier#but im assuming thats a topic to be revisited#uuuuuuuh yeah so thats most of it. i think my first thought and the one that sticked out the most to me is that the book felt remarkably#pedestrian#not necessarily in a bad way#it lacked to me one of the main appeals of aftg which were the numerous interesting side characters
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