#you only informed my character choices a LITTLE bit

[apostaterevolutionary]

Collecting some thoughts on veilguard cause tbh I really don’t know how to feel lmao so. Unstructured ramble time

I’ve watched the trailer and the demo and I feel very. Idk? Still ‘wait and see’ mode for me. It’s been 10 years. Inquisition imo was the weakest of the 3. And while I have kind of moved on from DA there is a part of me that wants this to just blow everything out of the water and be amazing. I’m just not sure if that’s what I think will happen. Right now, I just think it doesn’t feel dragon age-y enough (in terms of what I, personally, consider the defining traits of the series) but I don’t want to jump to conclusions with so little information

The trailer was. Fine. Vibes were a little off but given its Varric narrating, it makes sense (also. Unpopular opinion lmao. I love Varric but I don’t think he should be a companion again. If there’s a carry over companion, it should have been Dorian. And tbh he could still be there, considering they said 7 companions but Varric is not included in that. So did they mean 7 *new* companions and maybe a few others? Advisors again maybe? Idk. Maybe Varric is a temporary companion, but I don’t think he should be there except maybe as a cameo. Scout Harding is an unexpected but fine carry over though). I don’t really have an opinion yet on the companions themselves cause there’s just. Nothing to base an opinion on other than the character designs

Gameplay demo shows that they’re definitely going very Inquisition-y. As in, continuing further down the path it started. Which isn’t unexpected, but is a bit disappointing, though not necessarily a dealbreaker as of yet. It’s probably smart tbh to go more in an action rpg direction than back to the crpg roots given it’s going to be compared to bg3 no matter what they do - better to differentiate as much as possible. Though I don’t think that’s why they did it, probably more a happy accident. I just. Idk, I found inquisitions combat a bit boring and I haven’t been impressed by what I’ve seen yet. But a 20 minute demo is probably not enough to really form an opinion

I feel like you can still see the echoes of this being a live service game at one point too. Healing potions coming from pots found in the environment (I never got over healing spells being cut btw lmao, bring back spirit healers already), the “ability wheel” (unsure about that too, given it sounds like we can’t control companion characters anymore? Kinda really don’t like that :/), stuff like that. I still feel like DA2 combat was the perfect balance between fluidity and strategy but it is what it is. It performed badly, so they’ve disregarded it wholesale rather than consider that some aspects of it may still be worth exploring. It sucks, but that’s capitalism I guess

As for all the other little things, idk, I really am not sure what to think yet lmao. Some sound good. Some less good (why only 2 companions, I don’t like that at all - also weird that the demo shows you won’t have a tank for the initial bit of the game. That’s a weird choice). Nothing to make me go aaaaaa either positively or negatively yet. I don’t even know what to say. My feelings are just so complicated about it, but also kinda empty at the same time. Like. It’s a bit of kombucha girl meme but also muted? I would like to feel just. More about it. But I don’t yet. I’m too unsure. Not quite numb, but almost tbh

At this stage, I feel like I’m gonna wait till it comes out and see what happens. No pre-ordering until I get a better idea. It’s like. With origins, I’ve played it a lot. DA2, even more - countless times lmao. Inquisition though, I played 2.5 times immediately after release and have tried to play it multiple times since but. I only ever get 10-20 hours in before I get bored and can’t make myself continue. I’ve tried many, many times and idk why but I just can’t do it. I never even played any of the DLC, so like. I kinda need to do that first if I’m gonna play veilguard but I have never succeeded before so idk how I will now lmao. But I feel like at least trespasser is necessary and I have genuinely never played it. And I gotta play the rest of the game first to get there and I genuinely don’t know if I can sksksjs

And with that in mind like. If inquisition is that unappealing to me, a game that feels very inquisition-y, potentially leaning even more into the stuff I didn’t like about it, is. Definitely not what I was hoping for. It’s still possible it’s leagues better than inquisition and actually playing it will be a great experience. But right now I just don’t know. I probably won’t be able form any kind of opinion until it comes out and I start getting info from trusted folks that I know have good DA opinions lmao

Idk. I’m not trying to be a wet blanket or a hater, and I genuinely don’t think I am being a hater at all, but I am just. Very tired and nervous. But also cautiously hopeful. I’ve said ‘idk’ a lot lmao but I truly don’t know at this stage. I guess we’ll see. Let’s hope it’s actually amazing and the very thing we need to make the series as a whole feel like it used to for us lapsed DA fans

[inkskinned]

"the curtains weren't blue on purpose. why should we care?"

my love! let me ask you this - did you eat breakfast today? this tiny moment in your life. just think about it. did you?

for some of you, the answer is yes and for some of you it is technically and for some of you it is does coffee count. some of you reached for cereal or gmo-free overnight oats or frozen waffles or 3-day-old pizza. sometimes we eat the same thing, every day, for weeks. i get tired of eggs randomly, only to go back to craving them desperately. i'm cuban; i take my coffee like my father showed me, very milky and sweet.

some of us ate in a hurry. some of us hate eating breakfast but if we don't we will get nauseous later. some of us took our meds first or took our meds after. some of us have a kitchen 5 feet wide and sometimes it's the biggest room in the house. some of us are confident there will be food in the pantry and some of us flinch and say well, the paycheck is coming. some of us turn on a podcast while we eat or we scroll our phones or write in our diaries.

some of us are choosing, specifically, not to eat breakfast. some of us are too busy. some of us are pretending we "just forgot," but we are ignoring the warning signs that everything feels too-heavy. some of us are so consumed with anxiety or grief that we can't eat. some of us can't stand up long enough to make our coffee. some of us have no table to sit down and eat.

i cannot tell you what an artist "meant" by their choices. but they did have to make a choice, conscious or otherwise, to give you information. to give you a little bit more light. each of these choices are little stars of data; connecting speckles for you to weave through, drawing a line.

you cannot use a mirror in a dark room. for some of us; we will not care that the curtains are blue, because that will just be a data point and not enough light to see by. for some of us, the blue curtains will be the same as our childhood bedroom. it will make us seasick. for some of us, blue will be the color of frostbite. it might look like a pixel up close; but from a distance, oh! the picture blooms.

i cannot tell you what will stick out for you. what will carry meaning. some of you will read the sentence "i didn't have breakfast today" and say "this means nothing." some of you will read that and say "oh, me neither." some of you will say "this means the character is probably a little grouchy." some of you will say "oh, i wonder if they're okay. why didn't they eat anything?" ... art is a mirror. i am holding hands with you, over space and time, and asking you to feel something with me.

i want you to read my work and find a blue pair of curtains. i want you to read my work and find things in it that i never imagined placing. i have no way of knowing what will resonate with you, that's true. and maybe i just was hungry while i wrote this, and thinking about the eggs in my fridge. but if you found meaning, that meaning is yours. it cannot be erased just because i didn't "intend" it. you created a different world by interpreting my work. it's collaborative! that's beautiful! that's stunning!

just! imagine looking at the night sky and saying - it's stupid to have a favorite constellation or a favorite star. they're just there.

because here's the thing - across centuries and cultures, we look up. we still find meaning in the stars. these beautiful, lovely scattered accidents. are you looking? they call. and we look back and say oh! of course we are!

[dcxdpdabbles]

DC x DP: Dog Walker

Danny needs someone to walk his dog.

He had been in Gotham for about five months when it became apparent he needed companionship.

Ever since Clockwork and Frostbite came to the same decision to move Danny to a new universe for his health- his core was deteriorating due to his obsession being fulfilled as Amity Park was safe, and everyone was ready to grow up and move on.

So Danny moved to a rough city in a harsh universe so that the danger could help his core restart his obsession.

The first few weeks were fine; he even found work as a computer program designer that allowed him to work from home thanks to his universe's advanced technology, but soon, he struggled with loneliness and homesickness—that was where his dog came into the picture.

He adopted Equinox- Nox for short- from the local shelter, and while Nox was a mutt with unknown parents, Danny had no trouble taking care of him.

That was until he accepted a job offer at Wayne Enterprise, and his work hours shifted from remote work seven days a week to four days. He wasn't stimulating Equinox properly by keeping him inside the three days he was out and his poor boy was suffering from it.

This could have easily be solved with a pet sitter or just a dog walker but this is Gotham. Danny knows he picked this place for its constant danger to keep his obsession active but he just wasn't expecting Gotham to be so...much.

He had a panic attack just thinking about what would happened to Nox if he trusted just anyone to take care of him.

Nox is the only living being that is under his Protection. It went against his very Instincts to not find someone he trusted utterly to walk him.

Danny checks his phone to see Nox peaceful sleeping in his doggy bed and sighs. His boy has been sleeping more and more lately, losing his bright spark.

"Whats wrong Danny?" Karla, one of the Office interns, asks from where she is walking along side him.

"Nothing, it's just my dog needs to go for a walk, and I'm not there to give him one." He says, turning the screen. "I wish I can have some one walk hin for me-"

"Understood. I shall pick up your dog tomorrow, Fenton," a tiny voice cuts in. The two turn around only to look down at the green eyes of Damian Wayne. His bosses' son and brother. Oh boy.

"Ugh, I'm sorry?" He blinks as the youngest, Wayne thrusts a piece of paper at him. Danny has no choice but to hesitantly takes the paper. On it is a professional if short resume belonging to Damian that highlights his skillset and community service.

"Father has informed me of the family tradition started by our Pennyworth. Every Wayne gets a part-time job from twelve to grow character." The boy says, hands behind him and back straight, appearing every bit his status. Also, it is like a little kid trying to appear as an adult. Danny found it kind of cute, and it reminded him of Jazz. "I have multiple experiences with animals, as you can see from volunteering at the local shelters. My fees for my services are also meager and would surely not be difficult to cover."

Danny's core turned cold, but not in the wrong way. It was a cooling sensation he had associated with a fun day of either a snowball fight or the fresh first fall. He knew he could trust the boy.

"You know what? Yeah I love it if you walked my dog. In fact would you be interested in being a dog sitter?"

The boy's green eyes brightened with childish glee, but he tried to remain serious. Danny's heart melted at the sight. Oh, he should call Jazz soon. "That would be most acceptable."

Unknown to Danny, Karla, or Damian, Dick Grayson watched the trio as his brother handed one of the most mysterious employees a resume. Now, why would Fenton want to be close to Damian?

Over the last few months, people have been trying to take advantage of Damian because they thought his brother stupid for his mixed blood, just as they did when Bruce first took him in.

Danny doesn't mind Alfred's rule to find a part-time job to help teach them values, but he finds people aren't as kind as they should be. He'll have to keep an eye on this Danny Fenton.

Maybe he can help co-sit his dog.

[glitteryinknotes]

There is a level of deep, bitterly poetic and cruel irony in Astarion's death and his eventual fate as a vampire spawn. Laughable, even. Lamentable.

Where do I even begin. I once posted here my thoughts on who Astarion was before Cazador took him; and all my thoughts were based on what we can assume to be canon from scraps on information in - game and interviews with Neil. That Astarion Ancunin who was laid into the ground at Baldur's Gate cementary was a corrupt magistrate, a shining example of power abuse, indulgence, hedony, existence in privilege without any service to the world around.

We also know for a fact that Astarion is not a good person in a moral sense. Again, Neil Newbon himself talked about it. He has capability to grow, mature, open himself up, soak in the positive influence and feel for others, but he never will be the default upstanding type. That is simply not at his core.

This is why (I am aware we're talking a fictional character, headcanon is free to all in whichever way they think it suits and pleases them) I cannot for the world believe in all the fanfiction based on the notion of the tragic, tortured soul unjustly attacked and turned into a vampire, because to me - it misses the entire depth and essence of Astarion's personality and arc. He was not a "worthy" persona before Cazador; in fact, the beating he got from the Gur was well - deserved and the near - death experience... Probably so as well. Maybe if anything, this would open his eyes and force him to reflect at least a bit on his choices in the position he was occupying. (But given that he mentions begging Cazador to turn him to be able to take revenge, I highly doubt that.) So yeah... The man got what was coming to him. He deserved it.

But what he got in the end once Cazador allowed him to drink his blood and had him in his hold? Two hundred years of misery and abuse beyond description, being completely stripped of any identity and personhood? No one deserves that. Such fate should not be thrust upon anyone. Ever.

It is the cruellest, most wicked twist of fate that it took that kind of ordeal to change a corrupt little elf's view of the world and force him to even acknowledge the existence of evil deeds and abuse of power - something I am quite sure he never gave any thought to before. It took being transformed into an utterly helpless victim to make him truly see that there is good and bad and perpetuating the bad leads to pain and misery for the innocents (and you can never be sure if not for you as well), and only then, at his most pathetic, most vulnerable, after centuries of torment, it took meeting, trusting, admiring, being grateful to, befriending / loving and being influenced by a genuinely good and kind person (probably the exact opposite of who he was before) to shake and cause some shift in his inner moral compass, or rather the way he was choosing to use it. The full circle, a poignant, unwilling journey from the one abusing power, to the enslaved puppet of someone with considerably more power abusing it in the most inhuman ways possible, and this time to his own woe, to the one person able to break the abusive cycle given the right influence.

Isn't that simply poetic in the most sickly sense? A tragicomedy, if you will.

Forget about Astarion Ancunin. The grave was good for lovemaking and sharing an important moment, but whoever was laid there was not anyone worthy of your time (just like "Ascended Astarion" )The one who stands by your side now is. Your Astarion. The new Astarion, the same "lovable rogue" with a taste for theatrics, drama, debauchery, beauty, murder mayhem and loose morality, but - a better person all the same.

[follow up post here

https://www.tumblr.com/glitteryinknotes/733162725841289216/a-little-follow-up-to-my-previous-post?source=share]

[darqx]

Hi I understand if you don't reply, but I was wondering if you have any advice to beginners who want to start making their ocs a reality? (Like in the sense of having Charecters that have been in your thoughts for a while, but it's hard to encapsulate them into physical form?) As I have some that id like to make either into a game or comic but I'm a little stuck..

Also I'm curious if there will be any other content with the best boy himself rire?? : 0

Hullo! Ah, (physically) designing characters, how fun ❤️ - there is part of a reason why I only have a handful of them lol XD; ANYWAY here are three things that help me, so hopefully they can help you as well :)

(I'll use Demon!Rire as an example as unless you are an old guard of mine, he will probably be the most recognisable of my characs.)

--------------

❓What do you know about them?

First of all since you already have your character in mind, congratulations you are most of the way there already! It's helpful to know the general vibe of them. And I don't mean the super detailed things that may arise from like..."Get to know your OC" quizzes - we are more looking for the core feeling of a character here. If you dumped this character into different AUs what things are going to stay the same/similar? Some things you should consider are:

What is their personality like? Why do they do the things they do?

Do I already have any physical traits for them in mind? Hair/eye/skin colour? Body type? Age? Name??

📝 Write a simple paragraph or some dot points about your character with these things in mind.

---EXAMPLE---

Sophisticated and charming, Rire outputs an aura of power and elegance. His pleasing physical appearance and gentlemanly demeanour usually enchants or commands people. Realistically, he is extremely manipulative and sadistic, and finds entertainment in the reactions of others.

---/EXAMPLE---

🤔 Make informed choices

Ok cool, you know something about your charac! Now build upon what you know to make them real - it is important here to try and match your design choices with the characterisation and "why"s of the character, and less with what you personally think will be cool/cute/whatever. What I mean by this is just pretend they are a person you are describing to a forensic sketch artist - you are giving "facts" as to what you think they look like not making stuff up (eg you would NOT be like "oh yeh she was totally a punk rocker however i'm going to say she wore a long flowing gown cos I think she'd look prettier in it?"*)

*Note that designing a character with opposites in mind can work out if you can at least answer the cursory "why" of it being a part of the character design. For eg maybe the punk rocker is secretly the alter ego of a socialite - flowing gowns and high fashion by day, grunge by night. Like Batman.

📝 Feel free to use dress up doll games and image searches for particular types of clothes/hairstyles/etc if you need inspiration. Thumbnail a bunch of different designs and see what works.

---EXAMPLE---

In my prev example paragraph I highlighted a few things in red. Here I'll break down how they can help craft a physical appearance:

Sophisticated and charming / elegance - to me, these combined make me think of ballrooms and black tie functions and nice suits. A well tailored outfit and someone who knows how to wear them.

Gentlemanly demeanour (well to some degree lol) - since I already know he's hundreds of years old (973 to be exact) I decided that an aristocratic Victorian-esque aesthetic would suit him. Somewhere in between a modern look and something with a bit more fantasy steampunk flair. He smiles quite genially until he's doing it with all his teeth.

Aura of power - he's got to be a bit of an imposing character so he's quite tall (or at least taller than all of my other characs) and carries himself confidently. Hooray for the ability to loom. Dark colours for this character, to cut an impressive figure.

Pleasing physical appearance - kinda stereotypical type of good looks that aesthetically most people would be like "yeh he's pretty". Athletic build - muscular but not bulky, broad shoulders, tapered waist etc etc.

Extremely manipulative - first of all, he looks rather human, for a demon - his entire species is designed very particularly like that. Then there's the sunglasses. The "why" [does he wear them] is they function to hide his eyes (one of the main parts of him that give away his demon-ness), but also as a bit of a red flag to the audience that something isn't quite right with him. I mean, look past his charm and he wears them all the time. The black and yellow colour scheme also ties in as warning colours ⚠️

Put them all together and this was one of my first sketches of Demon!Rire.

*Note that I already more or less knew how he looked other than his outfit; you will probably have a lot more sketch duds as you figure out what your character looks like.

---/EXAMPLE---

🔐 Don't lock yourself in

Despite the fact I've just said "pretend your character is a person", remember you're still their creator so obviously you have final say over them. Sometimes you'll find that they grow and change from what you initially thought of them (or you just evolve in how you draw them). Don't be afraid to make the tweaks and changes that enhance these - whether they be physical or core characteristics - and you'll get closer to the true character you always had in mind.

---EXAMPLE--

I now draw Rire with a more pronounced V-shape, longer, wavier hair, and somehow he ended up with way more pronounced eyelashes than I usually draw on my male characs. Which works out quite well considering how I tend to draw his eyes. Anyway the point of this is that these things developed over time as I kept drawing him.

---/EXAMPLE---

🍀 Try it out with your own characs! Have fun and don't force yourself to try and get it "right" on the first go.

[slackerlifewhere]

The subtlety of Cale Henituse

SPOILERS for those who haven't finished the first part of the novel. If you don't like spoilers, please don't continue. Thanks!

- This is kind of a review about the novel but it's basically my analysis of Cale/KRS.

___

For someone who has trust issues with people, I first had an initial distrust with Cale Henituse/Kim Rok Soo as a reader.

I think it's because of how he was first introduced.

As a first-time reader of the novel back then, Cale/KRS was introduced as a very indifferent person. He was calm at the face of a sudden transmigration and acted like nothing could surprise him (aside from Ron and Choi Han). And of course, like anyone who was fooled, I also thought that he was selfish. He's not the trash that he thinks he is but he's selfish and I didn't place my full trust in him because I still didn't know him yet. And I like it that way. The author kept me on my toes and didn't force fed me a truckload of information about Kim Rok Soo.

Like I said in my previous post, he didn't actually give us his whole introduction. He left a few crumbs here and there that told us he didn't have a great childhood but it wasn't enough for me to build an image of him in my head. There were still some blanks and question marks about Kim Rok Soo.

Sure, there were moments when he gave a bigger tip to someone without blinking an eye and acting all smug about it but I really just thought that he was happy because he's finally rich. Or when he was being so polite and gentlemanly in front of an old man that Venion was disgusted with and then later on went back to being indifferent and I thought it was just him being extra petty and angry (which he was) at Venion for being an asshole. He's very quick to change from smug to indifference and it made me switch back and forth on how I see him as a person.

Yeah, you need to read between the lines when reading this novel.

[side note: Actually, If I remember correctly, I thought that I wouldn't like his character because I find it weird when MCs in KR manhwa and novels easily shrug off the isekai bullshit they're in. The influence of KR manhwa on me affected my opinion about him and it shows.]

So when he first met the kittens and Choi Han, I was reading it with the feeling of "Run away, guys! Run while you still can!" lingering at the back of my mind. He was nice to them, as much as he could with random strangers he just met, but he's very distant with them.

Another thing about him that makes it harder to understand him is because he's always distant with people. He relies on them and helps them but he's always at arms-length when dealing with them. This, if you didn't think of or was reminded of his thoughts about his abuse and pity, simply makes him look indifferent.

Before I continue, I don't like tsundere characters. I absolutely find them cringe and sometimes, I just wanna bash my head when they blush at the bs they're spouting at someone they like.

Because that's the thing with Cale. He is a tsundere. He says one thing and does the opposite. And he's so in denial about it which makes it more hilarious and sad.

He's subtle about it at first. He didn't even give me the vibe that he's more complex than what he shows because he's so quick to disprove my sudden epiphany that there's something deeper than what he's showing. He's so good at hiding his emotions EVEN WHEN I'M READING HIS POV.

This bastard is so in denial about himself that he fooled me so bad! I think I only realized it when he saved Raon but even then, there were still some doubts about his character. I liked his words to Raon and thought about how kind he is for giving the dragon the freedom of choice but because he later thinks of making Raon do things for him, it shook my trust in him just a little bit. Just a little, I promise.

...Maybe I just have major trust issues.

Taylor Stan

The weirdest thing to me that actually snapped me from my doubts that he's actually a kind person is oddly enough, because of Taylor Stan.

Remember when Taylor and Cage suddenly arrived at the area they were camping in and he finally talked to Taylor face to face? Yeah, he was indifferent there but it's when his tsundere traits actually exploded at my face.

He, while trying to hide from everyone, told them to give Taylor and Cage the best care and protection as if it's the most normal thing in the world.

Mind you, they don't even actually know him aside from OG Cale's reputation as trash. And he also technically isn't supposed to know them because, in the duo's POV, this is their first time meeting him so he didn't have to help or care for them.

He basically acted as if what he was doing was bad in their eyes but in reality, it's not???

He's just helping them and he's in denial about it? He's genuinely being a kind person and he thinks he's trash?

He later gives them money (and acts cool about it) and helps with smuggling (lmao) them to the Roan Kingdom so they can arrive there safely and he thinks he's trash???

He gave this man hope to finally heal himself and fight against his brother and he thinks he's trash?????

Seriously?

Self-hatred

It's why whenever he calls himself trash, I shake my head because it's amusing but I also want to cry because, as I go further into the novel, he fully believes that he's actually trash.

I don't know if this is ever talked about but Cale is hiding a huge self-hatred about himself.

Cale pointed to himself with his index finger.

“I have lived my life as trash. That is my dream.”

- Chapter 33: You

At first, when he called himself trash, I thought it was because his soul is in OG Cale's body and thus, he inherited the title and uses it to cause chaos. It's a part of the reason why but, if I think about it, he doesn't have to call himself that??? He can still cause chaos without using that title.

It's why I think he fully believes it. That he's trash.

I didn't understand back then and thought it was just him loving the title and the chaos that comes along with it.

Him and his smirks or "selfish" ideals made it seem like he's fully embraced the title and liked it that way.

And the way the author hides a deeper meaning behind his words and actions is by making it feel humorous or comical. The author makes it feel extra.

We laugh and find it amusing because it's chaotic. The secrets behind those wild ideas and explosive destruction are brilliant and subtle.

It's why I fully believed back then, that it's a simple story about a man who just wants to cause mischief in a strange world.

And then...his past as Kim Rok Soo is finally revealed by the author.

And it suddenly turns all this humor about himself into a freaking tragedy.

Kim Rok Soo is a tragic character. He's a person who has lost far too much and can only react in indifference even when he's hurting. He's cold in another person's perspective because he doesn't cry when in front of those he lost.

He hates himself for something he couldn't control. He hates himself for being weak. He hates himself for a lot of things. And he hates the scars Kim Rok Soo has because they're the reminder of all his failures and all his sacrifices that only ended up with making him alone. Like he will always be alone. (Which makes his distant personality in the beginning make sense too wtf)

So he takes in their words of him being cruel enough not to cry in a funeral of his friends and fully believes it.

He believes, as Kim Rok Soo and Cale Henituse, that he's trash.

And it absolutely made me cry like a kid when he, as he woke up surrounded by those he befriended and could call family, finally cries with a smile.

This is the first time they and us readers see him cry and smile and it's just heartbreaking.

The whole lead up to this reveal was me seeing him as a tsundere and a freaking crazy bastard that utters "slacker life" like it's comic relief.

It's completely unexpected and I love it.

Because him crying and smiling for the first time is him finally shedding his shields and walls from these people who see him as a kind person.

Cale Henituse, for all his masks and secrets, is just a broken but endlessly kind person.

It's why those who meet him, trust him. His actions are a big reason why they trust him but his words, when it feels hopeless, are eye-opening and full of wisdom of a 36 year old man. He's straightforward in front of those he trusts and tells them something that flips over everything they think about the current situation. And he says it with the experience of Kim Rok Soo.

I believe the only times he lies to them is when he was given the thing that he was gonna use to stab himself and also when he hides his identity as Kim Rok Soo. There's actually a hint of his guilt sometimes...or maybe I'm just thinking too much about it.

Anyways, that's all my thoughts for now.

This subtle bastard made me cry, damn it.

___

That one scene of him crying and smiling is etched in my mind and was reminded of it when I recently saw a fanart. So I decided to write about my feelings about his character and personality.

It's not a mindblowing post or anything new and it goes from humor to angst pretty fast but I think it's just like him. If you analyze his words in one way, it's just hilarious but if you analyze it in another way, it's sad.

I like how the author wrote him. He's a crazy bastard and a tsundere (the only tsundere I'll ever like) and I'm so glad I found this novel.

[inbarfink]

So when I wrote down that Big Undertale Meta Post about how Sans probably doesn’t remember RESETs at all and why that’s cool - I got a lot of responses to the tune of ‘that’s probably canon but I’m still gonna enjoy Sans Remember fics because of the angst’. And, well... first I want to emphasize that those are very good and correct responses! Like ‘I acknowledge might or might not be in the text but I am also gonna explore alternative ideas Because I Enjoy Them’ is a Good Damn Position to have! Transformative Fandom is Transformative on purpose! Engage with the text and it’s various analyses but don’t let it chain your creativity or fun!

It’s just that… all of the people saying that they prefer Sans Remembering ‘for the Angst’ make me think that maybe folks are kinda ignoring the incredible angst potential of Sans NOT remembering.

My original post focused on how cool it is that Sans manages to be so on-top-of-things even though he doesn’t remember anything - but let’s not ignore the fact that this situation is also grim as shit.

Through some mysterious super-science or whatever, Sans has managed to discover that his timeline is being RESET and altered constantly (before the Player came along, Flowey had already managed to basically 100% the entire Underground) and he has no memory of what's going on and what exactly is being altered. 

He knows he might’ve gone through the same day over and over and over again thousand times but he’s simply not aware of it. It’s all the helplessness and lack of forward momentum of a classic timeloop and none of the benefits of memorizing occurrences or acquiring extra information. That’s exactly the thing that drove him into his depressive spiral.

That line always strikes me. It’s like… Sans suspects that without the meddling of capricious immortal time gods, he’d be a much happier and motivated person. But he doesn’t know for sure, because he can’t remember how he was in some distant ‘original timeline’. He is essentially fighting to avenge a version of himself that might not even be real.

Like, yes, it is very impressive and badass how well Sans trained himself to notice every tiny little hint that might indicate that a RESET happened - but it’s impressive because the deck is stacked so heavily against him. And it is very impressive and badass how Sans managed to turn his weaknesses into strengths during his Boss Battle - but it’s impressive because these are usually huge weaknesses. Trying to work to solve a timeloop that you can only infer is going on through context clues is quite a hopeless and desperate mission!

Another bit in the Sans fight that I often think about is his unique reaction if you kill him and then RESET to Fight him again.

With how skilled he is at reading expressions, Sans probably knows what that ‘weird expression’ means, he knows the Player killed him once before and is here to try again. And yet he still goes along with the same attack plan he has, the one he knows killed him in that previous timeline. Why? Because he doesn’t know where the flaw in his plan was exactly, he can’t even begin to guess. So he has no choice but to go along with the plan he knows did kill him, because that’s the only thing he has. 

You know, the thing about Sans, is that he always plays his cards very close to his chest. It’s very hard to tell what exactly he’s thinking. That’s probably why so many people do believe he remembers RESET. If any non-Flowey character remembered RESETs, only Sans would be remotely able to hide it so well. But for me? It makes me wonder how much of his Troll who Knows Too Much persona is a bit of an act as well. 

You know, Sans’ deduction requires some keen observational skills - does he ever second-guess his conclusions? Living on constant high-alert that something has been reversed or that someone knows something they shouldn’t requires fostering a lot of paranoia, and that can’t be healthy for him. Is he ever overcome with doubt on whatever something was really an indication of a timeline RESET or not? How does he feel when he realizes something horrible happened on a previous timeline (for example, his brother dying) but he doesn’t know about the context to feel sure that he can stop it from happening again? 

I also think about it in terms of his relationship to Papyrus in general. Sans tends to hide so many things from Papyrus, especially in timelines where the Player is particularly kill-happy...

In part it’s about his perception that Papyrus’ kindness and pacifism is born from naïveté and thus the only way to preserve it is to hide the cruelty and harshness of the world from him (Undyne also does that). But also, with the paranoia and helplessness Sans lives in every day - is it any wonder that he might believe that ignorance is bliss?

I do truly think it’s beautiful how fandom can experiment with cool non-canon ideas! There are probably so many great emotional angsty ideas tied up to Sans remembering RESETs! I just feel it’ll be a shame if people ignore just how dire and depressing Sans’ canon situation also is!

[wszczebrzyszynie]

i do have a question but first I just wanna say oh my GOD I LOVE YOUR SPACE MINING AU SO MUCH!!! The vibes, the story, the characters, everything!!!!!!

and my question: do you have any plans for Scott? He's been mentioned a couple times but hasn't been given much information other than being Jimmy's divorced husband. Do you have any concepts for him? How did he handle his and Jimmy's divorce? Your au makes me go so crazy in a good way <33

Scott is not a prominent character and doesnt really show up that much; he doesnt really have a reason to, as he lives and works on a space station somewhere in the solar system. More info related to him below (and thank you for the kind words! Im glad so many people like this au!)

Space stations themselves arent really fullfilling the same role in the au as they do for us? Theyre bigger and made to fit a lot more people in. A lot of the planets arent habitable for the long run but are otherwise rich in resources, so there are usually small bases on the planet itself (for active mining) and one in space; Scott works in maintance (mostly plants and food related... things. I imagine something like the gardening mechanics from subnautica) on one of those space stations. Thats how he met Jimmy; they got along, dated and then married very quickly, which went well for a while, until it just... didnt. natural falling out of love i suppose. Scott handled it better than Jim did, but that has less to do with their view on the relationship and more with the fact that Scott was Jimmys only hm, normal close person. The divorce left Jim with a middle age crisis at the age of max 30 and Scott with a very awkward ex-husband friend, because despite everything they still keep in touch. Scott is sure Jimmy would go insane if they didnt. Scott is also very much aware of Jimmys weird criminal semi-family (met both Grian and Pearl on the wedding. not sure if Pearl was invited but even if she wasnt she let herself in and they got along insantly. And then had a falling out around the time of the divorce so you can imagine Pearl as Jimmys first and best divorce hype woman), and later of Tango, but he just... doesnt care. Teases Jim sometimes about turning them in so his life can get even a bit better, but he wouldnt... probably

The space station is not exactly his dream place but it works well enough; he loves the no-gravity space and space walking, so everywhere in more or less open space is a good enough choice for him. Hes fine with taking care of the food and whatnot too. Hes not really into gardening but he likes when things Work Well and Look Pretty, so he does his job pretty well. Hopes to one day leave for something more

Less on Scott and more on Jimmy, but i think its a good thing to mention when talking about their relationship: if Scott for some reason offered, Jimmy would come back to him, but not vice versa. Theyre both very confident about the choices they take in life; in Scotts case its because hes actually good at planning things out and can be 100% sure about what he does with himself. He has a stable life that he worked hard on himself and knows what his options are. In Jimmys case its because hes proud and if he wasnt forcing himself to be as confident as possible about what he does at all times he would probably break. That man has very little idea about most things in his life but would rather eat dirt than admit that. That being said the loneliness would make all of this crumble the second Scott says something. It changes later on but thats the headspace Jimmy starts with in this au! desperate

[lazycats-stuff]

Hello author. I hope your having a splendid day

May I request a reader x batfamily ( a year younger than Damian)

They are a Demi god of lightning and electricity.

He has been having a hard time with cases and failing and stuff like that, too much pressure. And he’s kind of hitting his breaking point.

So during a fight with a villain, alone. The villain corrupts the reader and makes him evil.

For a few months he became a villain and barely anyone could stop him. The batfamily at first didn’t know it was him but during a mission that was orders by the villain that corrupted him, to kill Althea (your oc) but Althea got away with injures but saw his face and told her mom and her mom told bats.

So with this new information the batfamily were more devastated .

With the help of the justice league the batfamily are in a show down with the reader, somewhere near a cliff and they fight and while also talking about their memories together. Reader was too powerful though and restrains everyone with use his electricity. His eyes are red and with dead eyes he walks towards any batfamily member of your choice and was about to deliver the final blow before the bat member looks at them and says ‘ I love you, my son/little brother’ reader hesitates and his eyes widens and filled with tears, the red disappearing.

He’s of course confused and disoriented, he steps back and not notices the cliff. His mind coming back to me as he slowly lets his restaions of the others disappear. He steps back near the cliff and looks back into the abyss and back at his family and friends. With regret and a messed up mind right now thinking he won’t be forgiven, he purposely steps back and fall down the cliff. No one was fast enough to stop his fall and he dies.

They retrieve his body and they’re just depressed and stuff for a while hut Damian won’t allow his only little sibling to die and takes his body to talia and he gets revived back.  when he brings unconscious reader back, the batfamily are upset at him for doing a dangerous act but happy that it went well.

Sorry it’s too long.

Hi anon, I hope you have have a splendid day too. Also, don't worry about the length. Lets go.

Summary: (Y/N) gets taken and is broken. The family has to save him.

Warnings: angst, fluff, SUICIDE- read at your own risk everyone!, near death of another character, the fam is suffering...

(Y/N) Wayne, the youngest child in the family and the only child who isn't really human. He is a demigod you see, a demigod of lighting and electricity. I think you can guess that his biological dad is Zeus. Because of it, he got close to Wonder Woman her daughter, Althea. He liked them both and he didn't mind hanging out with them.

He was a good detective too. Bruce was happy and proud, but made sure he wasn't over working himself and neglecting himself like, ahem, Tim. He was different from the rest of the family too. He didn't really have a traumatic past. His mom left him, but the Justice League and Bruce took care of him.

He was really close with his brothers too. Jason and Dick made sure he didn't overwork himself, Tim was fascinated with his powers and how they worked and Damian liked to just hang out with him in general. (Y/N) is the only person he liked and tolerated.

But times have shifted a little bit. (Y/N) was overworked and he was just dead inside. The pressure to solve the cases was piling and piling on and while (Y/N) knew that Bruce wouldn't mind if he took a break, he knew it wouldn't fit his own image. He would be disappointed in him, although not outwardly, inwardly.

He was nearing his breaking his point. He hid it well from the others, not wanting to disappoint them or worry them. He worked himself to the bone, closing in and refusing to open up. He knew he needed to do this and solve this. These cases need to be solved one way or another.

One way or another. It was time to get this shit over with and to do this as best as he can. He needs to get as far away from this pressure and from this breaking point as soon as possible. ASAP. Bruce explained to him that whenever he is nearing that point, he should take a break, but there are people depending him to solve this shit.

(Y/N) hated this shit more than anything else in the world. He really wanted to get this over with. Frustration, anger, sadness... He really wants to feel happy...

Is that so wrong to feel and wish for.

(Y/N) knew that he had to tell someone. Maybe Wonder Woman and Althea would be a better option to talk to, but those two were raised as warriors and they probably don't put emotions on the first place. Mental health is a difficult area to navigate. (Y/N) didn't even sleep from time to time, for a few days, school also being a big overwhelming factor in this stuff. He had good grades, not a straight A student, but still a good student. That was more than enough for Bruce who simply says to do your best in school.

If (Y/N)'s grades dropped, then Bruce would've caught on. Really caught on and he would force (Y/N) to stop with the cases and patrol.

(Y/N) knew it was a bad idea to do this. But there was nobody to help him in this fight. It's said that every single batkid has his own villains. Well, (Y/N) could fricking confirm it. This bastard was a pain in his ass for him and for the rest of the family. (Y/N) was thrown into the wall and he grunted as he tried to get up.

It was difficult, but he managed to do it.

He glared at the villain, clenching his fist. He could feel electricity coursing through his veins, out right refusing to back down. He could feel his eyes turning electric blue. The villain used his powers to disappear into the shadows, making (Y/N) scowl.

" Did you really come here alone? " The villain said from the shadows, making (Y/N) look around, trying to pinpoint the source of the voice. He really didn't like this at all.

" That is brave. Coming here alone to face me. " (Y/N) scowled more as he heard mocking tone in his voice, knowing that facing alone this type of villain is not good and not advisable. (Y/N) threw some electricity at the villain.

He didn't know whether or not he has hit him, but he moved, not wanting to stay somewhere where he could be a sitting duck and more so an easy target for the villain. Shadow and darkness is a scary place and although his family could often be found in it, (Y/N) thought of them as some sort of beacons of light. Sure, they were dark figures, but they were bringing hope and justice.

That sounds like a paradox or oxymoron, but it was true. But being a person in the darkness and shadows and being evil... Yeah... Not good. Really not good.

(Y/N) turned his head when he heard something behind him, but that was a distraction. The real blow came from the front, leaving (Y/N) no time to react as he was thrown into the darkness and into the shadows. (Y/N) couldn't get his bearings together and he was panicking now. He had to get out of this cloud of darkness. He really had to.

He had to.

He started walking, hands reaching out to try and feel where a wall is. Everything was dark and he had no idea where he was going. One guess would be hell, one would be the exit for this stupid building. (Y/N) hoped that he was on his way to the exit, but hey, you can't have it all, can you?

(Y/N) pushed on, but screamed only a few moments later when the shadows pulled him in, invading his mind, breaking through his defenses easily. NO! Fighting was futile though, (Y/N) knew it. (Y/N) knew that very well.

" Just surrender. It will be easier. " The voice said and (Y/N) knew that he couldn't fight and with the last bit of resistance, (Y/N) allowed the darkness to take over his mind.

For now, it was over.

The entire family was loosing their collective minds and their shit. Each in their own way. Some were silent, but some were more emotional and taking it out on criminals. Ahem, Jason. Bruce was quiet and worked non stop to to find his youngest son, his child. Alfred was on the verge of killing someone.

It was difficult to even function normally without their family member. Also, there is another problem on the horizon. A new villain was on the prowl and he was good. Bruce saw he had a lot of training that was far too good for some amateur.

What the hell is going on here?

Bruce was overworked and asked Wonder Woman and Superman to try to locate this new villain because his son was a far more bigger priority than some stupid villain coming to their scene so to speak. Bruce had no time or patience for it.

If only Bruce knew.

Wonder Woman and Superman were doing a good job at tracking the new villain, making sure to communicate with Batman and offer comfort whenever they could. They would often see their nephews, trying to bring some comfort to the poor boys who lost their brother.

For a few months, there were no clues, nothing. Not about a new villain, not about (Y/N) either. Bruce was on the edge of an abyss and he can't do anything to stop himself from going over the edge. A little push was needed and then he would be long gone in that aspect.

The entire batfamily was at the Justice League HQ, looking through intel. Wonder Woman and Superman were in the middle of presenting the intel they managed to obtain when Althea burst through the doors, falling down on her knees, making Wonder Woman gasp before running towards her daughter.

" Althea! " She said, clearly worried and Bruce walked up to the duo, trying to see if Althea is okay.

" Mom, it's (Y/N)... " She said before coughing up more blood, making the inside of her mouth red.

" What about (Y/N)? " Bruce asked quickly, hoping she would stay awake and conscience long enough for him to know. Everyone was waiting patiently for Althea to start.

" (Y/N) is the villain. " She said, coughing even more and Wonder Woman picked her up and ran towards the medical wing of the HQ.

When Wonder Woman left, the room was shrouded in silence. Tense and palpable. Bruce had to sit down. No. No. (Y/N) couldn't have... Dick wiped his eyes as he started crying softly. Bruce broke out of his trance and quickly hugged his sons in a big group hug.

" I know... " Bruce said, pausing to compose himself. " But now we know that (Y/N) is alive. He is somewhat okay. " Bruce said as he swallowed with a bit of difficulty.

(Y/N) was alive. (Y/N) IS alive. They will bring their brother and son home. No matter what.

Well, (Y/N) got stronger during his kidnapping. His eyes were red and nobody could even get close to him. Tim and Dick were unable to move from being restrained by electricity and the other three members were trying everything they could fricking think of. Everything. They have tried to awake his memories. From when he was little, from when they did stupid pranks... Anything they could think of.

Nothing worked.

Soon enough, everyone was restrained with electricity and (Y/N) looked like he was going to kill them. Bruce watched his son as he walked over to him, ready to finish him. Bruce watched in silence as (Y/N) was ready to kill him. But there was one thing that they didn't try just yet.

Bruce watched as his son raised his fist up, ready to strike. Ready to kill.

" I love you son. " Bruce said as he smile and (Y/N) stopped.

The red was gone. The red was gone! Bruce smiled even more and the boys were waiting with a baited breath as to what would (Y/N) do. They didn't expect the tears. But by God, it was a sight they were hoping.

The shadow chains were getting broken.

(Y/N) was slowly moving backwards, going to the edge of the cliff, hands gripping his hair and head. Everything was coming back to him... What he did to Althea... His brothers... His dad, father.... What he did when he was under the villain's control...

(Y/N) looked back at the edge of a cliff, seeing the waves crash at the hard stone... Usually, (Y/N) would love to watch it, just to relax. But now, (Y/N) only sees the dark abyss. Everyone at one point is just standing at the edge of that abyss and then, sometimes, the abyss blinks back at you.

He glanced back at his family, who were out of the restraints, just waiting for (Y/N) to say something. (Y/N) couldn't really see their faces due to tears, but he did wonder one single thing.

Would they forgive him? Would Althea forgive him?

(Y/N) shook his head as he took another backwards, he could feel the edge, right at his heels. His mind was in shambles, ruins... He wouldn't be forgiven...

He knew that his family wouldn't forgive him. But Althea might kill him... (Y/N) looked back at his family once more, one last time. He swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment.

" I'm sorry. "

Bruce's eyes widened and he knew exactly what he was going to do and he got up and ran towards (Y/N), but it was too late. (Y/N) took a step over the edge, falling backwards into the waves and onto the hard rocks. Bruce leapt forward, hands grabbing the edge, but it was too late.

Bruce watched his son laying down there, waves washing over him. Bruce closed his eyes as he heard a scream behind him and then there was sobbing. Bruce looked up towards the sky, which opened up and Bruce for a moment thought that the sky was crying over their son.

The boys were destroyed and Bruce was destroyed with them... Oh God... Alfred will be destroyed too... Bruce allowed his tears to fall, and those tears were mixed with the rain.

Bruce swore that someone came in and took a part of soul. Just took it and ripped it out of his chest. A part of his heart was also taken and shattered. He look back at his sons, quickly grouping them into a hug, wanting to give them as much comfort as he can.

" Why? " Damian asked, shaken to his core.

" He said he was sorry... He thought we wouldn't forgive him... " Bruce said, burying his face into Damian's hair.

The boys all cried, crying out for their brother. Their souls and hearts were shattered too.

The world seemed to cry for (Y/N) Wayne.

Unfortunately, they couldn't bury (Y/N) just yet. They had to make sure that there were no restraints on his mind and body... And maybe they weren't ready to bury him just yet. They all hoped for a miracle to happen. Maybe (Y/N) would wake up and just be hey guys... But they all knew that wouldn't happen.

They were all grieving for (Y/N) in their own ways, but Damian was hurting the most. He was thinking about (Y/N) all the time and he cried alone in his room, thinking about his brother. The house was silent and there was no way it could ever be the same.

Damian thought about his grandfather and the Lazarus pit... Maybe... Just maybe...

The way back was easier than the way to Lazarus pit. Talia didn't expect him to come, especially not with his younger brother, well, half brother but still. Talia met (Y/N) and she did like him. She didn't know what happened, but she felt bad for the poor boy. She also didn't expect that Damian would want to use the pit, but she wasn't going to stop him.

She helped him put (Y/N) in the pit, waiting and watching. The color was coming back to his cheeks. There was that infamous white streak in his hair... Damian watched with a bated breath, hoping it would work.

After a few minutes, they checked for a pulse. Damian sighed in relief as he felt a pulse. His brother was alive... He is alive.... Talia watched as Damian took (Y/N) into his arms, lifting him out of the water, hugging him tightly.

She left the two brothers alone, allowing Damian to have a moment to get himself ready. He had to go back home...

As said before, the way back was easier and oddly enough, he made it just in time for dinner. He didn't question it and walked through, carrying his now alive brother.

Bruce spat out his water and the rest paled. There was (Y/N), but he looked like he was sleeping. He had more color than he had...

" Damian, " Bruce started as he stood up, not sure what more to say. The rest was quiet. " What did you do? "

" I used the Lazarus pit. "

That sentence... Bruce's eyes widened as he walked closer to his now alive son... He took (Y/N) into his arms, trying not to cry. (Y/N) was alive... He is alive.

" Lets put him to bed. " Bruce said with a strain in his voice. The other 3 boys jumped from their seats to really see if their brother is really alive.

(Y/N) was alive... They all cried softly as they realized that (Y/N) was alive... (Y/N) is alive!

They were happy, but mad at the same time since Damian didn't tell anyone of them what the hell he was planning. But they were happy and maybe their family could be whole again, once more.

[deanbrainrotwritings]

— GIANTS IN THE OCEAN

SUMMARY : when jensen dresses as dean for halloween, he tried to prove that he can fuck like him when he’s told he doesn’t.

PAIRING : jensen ackles x latina!reader

CHARACTERS : misha collins, jared padalecki, genevieve padalecki

WARNINGS : nsfw (18+), smut, angst, fingering, defending wanda maximoff bc I’m whipped for her, switch!jensen & switch!reader

WORD COUNT : 3.4k

A/N : title from sky eats aeroplane’s song. procrastination, laziness, gah. anyway, it’s the destiny showcase so I’m doing nothing and I’m posting now LOL X

Jensen cleared his throat loudly from where he stood at the closet, trying to get his girlfriend's attention who was applying makeup as a part of her costume. She blinked the blurriness from her eyes and looked at him first from the mirror, then turned around with a raised brow at his costume of choice.

“Dean Winchester? Really? You’re not even trying,” she laughed softly, then returned to quickly finish up with her look. He deflated slightly, pouting as he made his way to her, he got down on his knees and sat back on his legs to admire her.

“Wanda isn't a hero, but Dean is,” he argued after giving some thought to how to respond to her comment. She squinted her eyes, giving him the side-eye, just then she finished up and then turned to face him. He blinked up at her innocently, green eyes wide and pretty, his lashes fluttering like a princess against his freckled cheeks.

She grasped his chin with her black-stained fingers, leaning forward so her red-tinted lips brushed against his, “as a mother, I have to disagree.” He blushed, but excitedly tried to lean forward to claim her lips only for her to pull away with a little tsk. “You’re so pretty like this, baby, on your knees for me like a good boy,” she murmured seductively, swiping her thumb across his pillowy lip.

“Don’t do this to me now,” he moaned, leaning forward to nuzzle his nose against hers. His hands clung tightly to her leather covered thighs and she turned her face slightly to kiss him with a playful smile on her lips. He slid his hands up her legs, grasping her hips to tug her forward, off the chair, and into his lap to deepen the kiss. “You’re so hot,” he mumbled when he pulled away just a bit to breathe. Then, he returned her mouth, hunger hidden beneath each quick peck he gave her.

“So are you, Jay,” she replied softly, pulling away and placing her finger on his lips when he chased her mouth for more kisses. “Especially when you’re dressed as Dean Winchester.” She smirked down at him and his pretty, puckered, pink lips. He gazed at her curiously, a little surprised by her admission. He didn’t have time to respond or to even let that information sink in because he instinctively shut his eyes when she leaned forward quickly to place open-mouthed kisses along his neck.

“Fuck,” he whispered, his breathe catching in his throat when she reached down and started to rub his semi-hard cock over his jeans. “Baby, I don’t wanna get to Jared’s party with my dick hard,” he groaned, his voice deep with lust, breathy and hot. She felt her pussy tingle, a wave of heat and arousal starting to build up between her legs.

“Then, let’s get going before I fuck you here on the floor, yeah? Dean?” She looked down at him innocently, mimicking what he’d done earlier. He shook his head at her, his cock stirring in the tight confines of his jeans at being called Dean. However, with the Scarlet Witch costume she was wearing, it was a little scary but in a hot way. “Now, get your dick soft, my mom’s downstairs with the kids.”

Y/N stood up from Jensen’s lap, getting a matching crossbody bag that was small and didn’t get in the way of her costume. Jensen stayed on the floor for a while, trying to get his mind out of the gutter and get his excitement under control before he got up. Embarrassingly so, she was leaning against the doorway with a smug smile just watching him try to recollect himself.

“Please, Y/N, don’t judge me,” he said playfully, holding his palm up to stop her from looking at him. She chuckled, pushing her body off the doorframe to start walking away, Jensen following right behind.

“I’m pretty sure she calls me names in Spanish,” he blurted out, scratching the back of his neck.

“Pftt, no she doesn’t,” Y/N said unconvincingly, “besides, there’s a difference between my kids and my husband,” she added, shrugging nonchalantly, a grin fighting it’s way onto her lips despite how hard she bit it.

Okay, maybe she did call him names, but they were meant affectionately. And mostly it was names relating to his freckles or his green eyes that were too hilarious or accurate for her to stop her mom from calling him even when he was right there. Like a codename girls use for their crushes or people they dislike.

“You said she liked me!” He exclaimed quietly, grabbing her arm to twirl her around and pull her into his chest.

“She does! I’m messing with you, baby,” she promised, leaning up to kiss the worry from his face. “You’re perfect and she knows that,” Y/N said earnestly, cupping his face in her hands, “she knows you’re an amazing husband and an even better father. I love you so much. I swear, no, I promise you, she likes you too. She told me you were a keeper, Jay.” She looked up at him with the widest, in-love-with-you eyes he just couldn’t help the way it immediately made him relax.

“She did?” He asked softly, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Y/N nodded, her own arms circling around his neck. “I was in love with you from the start and she knew it. She saw everything that you were and she convinced me to go for it before someone else whisked you away. Thanks to her, you’re mine.” Y/N leaned up to kiss him again, softly, tenderly.

“Thanks to her, you’re mine,” Jensen corrected quietly. “Sorry, didn’t mean to get so insecure,” he chuckled, brushing her cheek with his fingers lovingly.

“I shouldn’t have said that as a joke, I’m sorry too.” She grabbed his hand and kissed it softly, “let's get out of here.” He kissed her forehead and nodded in agreement, letting her lead all the way downstairs to greet her mother and say goodbye to their children.

“Dean and Wanda?” Misha asked, taking a large sip of his beer. “What a strange couple, but the two of them are crazy about family so…” he smiled broadly, hugging them both. Y/N laughed, squeezing Misha’s side as Jensen patted his back.

“And you’re.. the Mandalorian, but without your helmet on…” Jensen chuckled, pulling away first to ruffle Misha’s already messy hair.

“How else am I supposed to drink beer and eat candy?” He shouted over the music, then dragged the two of them inside to allow people an easier way in. Misha led them into the kitchen, talking about how he’d somehow lost his Grogu toy somewhere in Jared’s house. “Anyway, go crazy you two.. but not as crazy as the people you’re dressed up as,” Misha teased, patting them both on their heads before making his way somewhere else to have fun.

“Well..” Jensen chuckled as he watched Misha leave.

“I love him,” she said happily, then started to put together Jensen’s drink.

“Same,” Jensen smiled, watching her with a loving look. “So… about what you were saying earlier… about me dressing up as Dean? Did you mean that?” He asked, leaning against the counter, attempting to be completely cool about his question, trying not to give away that it's something he’d considered for a while: role playing as Dean during sex.

“Yes?” She confirmed hesitantly, handing him the Old Fashion she’d prepared then started to make her own drink. “Why? Got something naughty in mind?” She asked, glancing up at him every now and then, seeing the blush on his face either from the heat of the house filled with mostly strangers or from whatever was going on in his mind.

“Always,” he grinned bravely, taking a large gulp of the whiskey for his sudden bashfulness. She raised a brow at him, her interest piqued, placing a few gummy worms into her already sweet drink.

“You gonna tell me or show me?” She asked, stepping forward as he took another sip. He choked on it a little, glanced around for anybody who could be watching or listening. At that time, she took a gummy worm and dangled it in front of him playfully. He obediently opened his mouth and let her push the gummy worm inside, the sweet and sour taste making him hum softly in satisfaction.

“Well, I-I was just gonna make a suggestion,” he stuttered, his mouth slightly full with the chewed up candy. He swallowed quickly when she licked her fingers lasciviously, just as he reached behind her to steal a bag of gummy bears.

“I think…” she murmured, hooking her fingers onto his belt loops and tugging him forward. “I think you should honour your costume and show me. Here.” He blinked down at her, his eyes wide and completely astounded at her bold words.

“Shit,” he muttered, his face a bright red colour. “Are you ovulating?”

“Shut up,” she laughed, the spell of wantonness suddenly broken. She took the bag of gummy worms she opened and started to walk away from him, carefully weaving through the dancing and sweaty bodies with her drink.

He downed the rest of the whiskey, knowing he’d definitely need it if she was going to keep it up with the hot flirting. He carefully dumped his cup into the sink then tried to follow her, only to lose her in the literal sea of bodies, salty and heavy. He easily found Jared even in his Green Arrow costume, standing high above most of the people. He was dancing and laughing with Gen, who was dressed as Wonder Woman, the two of them were talking to someone Jensen didn’t know.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt,” Jensen said politely, turning to Jared. The man was kind and smiled at Jensen, standing off to the side to let Jensen have a quick chat with Jared and Gen. “Have you guys seen Y/N? I sorta lost her. Great costumes by the way,” Jensen rushed out, anxiously trying to get them to respond.

“Hey, Jensen!” Jared’s voice boomed, pulling him into a tight hug, drawing a wheeze from Jensen, which made Genevieve smack him. Jared pulled away and pouted at her, rubbing his arm dramatically but then became serious to focus on Jensen’s question.

“Yeah, she went upstairs with Misha, said it was a bit loud for her,” Gen replied, then made a little ‘oomph’ sound when Jensen hugged her quickly and said a quick thanks to them. Jared and Genevieve looked at each other curiously then got distracted by that same man who joined back in to continue their conversation.

Jensen knew that wasn’t actually the case, but he went upstairs anyway. Couples were kissing loudly and groping each other along the staircase, but upstairs must have been off limits because there was basically no one, just Misha waiting outside one of the doors while holding Y/N’s drink.

“Jensen! She’s using the restroom. Also, this is really sweet,” Misha laughed, handing Jensen the drink so he could try it. Jensen smiled and took the glass, lovingly looking at the colourful drink and the sugar rimmed edge, gummy worms swimming around inside. He shook his head as he thought of Y/N and tried the drink, which set his senses alight, his mouth overwhelmed by the sweetness and the barley-there flavour of vodka.

“Fuck, that’s…” Jensen licked his lips and Misha laughed, stepping aside when Y/N stepped out of the restroom. “Hey, honey. You okay?” She smiled and nodded at them, about to take her drink back, but Jensen pulled it back. She frowned, about to argue, but then he handed it to Misha. “Get rid of it, it’s just gonna give her a headache.” It was the truth, but he’d mostly tasked Misha with it so he could be alone with Y/N.

“Hey!” She whined, trying to walk past Jensen, which only excited Misha. Jensen wrapped his arms around her, stopping her from chasing their beloved friend, holding her close so she instantly started to melt into him.

“No, he’s right,” Misha chuckled, making a break for it. “You eat too much candy and you always get headaches!” Misha had already made it downstairs and he’d definitely be dumping that drink for the monstrosity that it was.

“Were you making me flustered on purpose?” He asked, getting straight to the point. She moved her face from where it was lazily pressed against his arm and gazed up at him, once again, still somehow being able to portray innocence with the dark eyeshadow around her eyes. “Why?”

She huffed softly, a little grin on her face, “because you’re not like Dean when it comes to sex and I think it’s funny to tease you.” She kissed him softly, quickly with her sticky lips, not giving him a chance to kiss her back properly. He just licked his lip from the sugar her lips smeared onto his.

“You think I’m… boring?” He asked, sounding a little confused. He wondered if maybe this was her way of telling him things were a little too vanilla and she needed more, more excitement, more spice, more than he could offer.

“No! God, no, Jay! Why does your mind always go there?” She wondered, holding his face. He grabbed her wrists, pushing her gently into the wall with his body.

“I love you…” he murmured, kissing her forehead. “I just want to make you happy.” He moved her hands away from his face and pinned them together holding them both above her head in one hand.

“I love you.. and you always make me happy,” she replied softly. Her eyes widened slightly when he started to tug her leather pants down her legs. “I’m not wearing any underwear,” she blurted out, biting her lip with a blush heating up her face. He stopped for a moment, a smirk growing on his lips before he continued pulling them down.

“If I touch you in this hallway…” he whispered, kissing her lips swiftly. “Will I be more like Dean?” He stared into her eyes, saw her surprise and the thrill that made her chest rise and fall faster. His eyes flickered down between her legs, where she was indeed lacking underwear, and he let the pants hang low around her thighs.

“I want you. Not Dean,” she mumbled with a little pout, spreading her legs impatiently when he slowly trailed his fingers up the inside of her thighs. He squeezed her thigh, chuckling against her mouth when he leaned in to kiss her, gently pushing his teeth into her pillowy lip.

“But you also want Dean, you said so. I can give you that, it sounds hot.” He tapped the apex of her thigh teasingly, his dick getting harder with the way she squirmed against the wall. The walls vibrated from the loud music, the pictures and paintings on the wall shaking to the bass of the music. “So.. Do you want Dean, just for tonight? Then, we can see if we should do it more often…”

“Jensen, please,” she pleaded, twisting her hands impatiently, half-heartedly trying to get out of his grip.

“Mm-mm,” he shook his head, quickly swiping two fingers through her wet folds. “It’s Dean, sweetheart.” His voice dropped slightly and his accent suddenly went away. She stared up at him, flustered and hot.

“D-Dean?” She stuttered shyly, grinding down on his fingers.

“Just.. a little more confident,” he smirked, moving his fingers to circle her clit torturously. She gasped, letting her head fall back against the wall with a quiet thud. The leather tightened around her thighs, preventing her from spreading her legs and she whined.

“Please,” she begged again, jutting her hips out so he’d stop teasing her.

“Not until you say my name, baby,” he murmured, then tapped her clit with his fingers a few times. She groaned in annoyance, her toes curling inside the boots she wore, her newly-dyed copper hair sticking to her face, from sweat that built up among the dancing people and now with Jensen’s teasing.

He pulled his hand away, but she didn’t stop squirming. Her eyes fluttered shut, thinking he’d stop teasing her by touching her and instead tease her by not touching her, but she gasped when he slapped her pussy. Her eyes snapped open and she looked up at him in surprise, a smug smile on his pink face.

She liked it and he knew it.

“Be a good girl and beg for it,” he mumbled, his voice deep and vibrating. When he rubbed his fingers against her heat, she knew it was just to prepare her for another slap. And as she’d expected, when she took too long to respond, he slapped her wet cunt again. The rough slap sent jolts of pleasure through her clit, causing her to moan.

“Please… Dean,” she whispered.

“That wasn’t so hard,” he praised mockingly, bringing two fingers to her entrance, “was it?” He slowly pushed them into her, but his lip to stop a moan when he felt her pussy clench around his fingers.

“No.. Dean,” she panted, lowering her hips to sink down his fingers faster. He laughed quietly at her eagerness and started to pump his fingers in and out of her, her slick already coating most of his fist.

“Jesus, baby, you’re so fucking wet.” He sounded breathless, his fingers tightened around her wrists and he plunged his fingers into her faster, flattening his palm onto her clit so it would grind onto it every time his fingers were buried deep inside her. His fingers curled against her walls, brushing over and over against the spongy surface inside that made her legs shake. A loud moan tore from her throat and he pressed his hips against her to grind his cock against her. “Who made you this wet, huh, sweetheart?”

“You…” she moaned, whining when he bit her jawline. “You, Dean,” she cried softly. He kissed her jaw lovingly and found her lips again to silence her moans as best as he could, even if no one could hear them over the loud music downstairs.

“Are you gonna cum on my fingers?” He teased, his warm breath fanning over her face. She bit her lip and nodded, her pussy tightening around his fingers. “You’re gonna moan my name when you cum,” he ordered, his nose tracing down the side of her face, nuzzling her neck to suck gently at her pulse point. “Say yes,” he murmured, gently nibbling on her earlobe.

“Yes, Dean,” she panted, shuddering when his warm breath made her sweat feel cool. He pulled away when he noticed her becoming tense, stared at her face and watched her eyes flutter open on cue.

“Cum for me, baby,” he whispered, admiring the way her swollen lips parted to moan—squeal—‘Dean’, her brows furrowed in pleasure as her orgasm moved through her body. Her eyes were pretty and wide, glossed over with a haze of lust and whiny unshed tears.

He let go of her wrists but she only wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and brought him down for a passionate kiss that made him breathless. Behind his eyelids, he could still see that beautiful look on her face and he ground his hips against her thigh, wrapping his arm around her with his fingers now slowly moving in and out of her, gently palming her clit as her walls fluttered around his fingers.

When she came down from her orgasm, he gently continued to palm her clit, in a comforting manner now. He dropped kisses over her face and moved her hair out of her face lovingly, before withdrawing both from her cunt and from her body to admire her postorgasmic glow.

“You’re so beautiful, sweetheart,” he said softly, his eyes flickering down to watch her lift her pants up her weak and shaky legs. “I’m not done with you yet, angel,” he reminded her with a little chuckle, looking down at his cum covered fingers, he rubbed them together curiously.

“We both know Dean is a sub,” she grabbed him by his flannel and pulled him into the closest room. He smirked at her words and let her lead as she shut the door and locked it blindly, focused on the searing kiss she distracted him with. With one hand he grabbed her waist and with the other he started to undo his belt eagerly.

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do not steal, plagiarise, translate, or republish my work on another platform

[ladykailitha]

You pardon me, I'm getting a little foamy at the mouth about this and if I don't rant about it, I may explode.

Lucas and the Game.

Which game? Both of them. Basketball and D&D. Because honestly I am a little lot weary of Eddie getting the lion share of the blame for what happened that Friday. Like I legit saw someone suggest that the school move the basketball game. Like what now?

Did Eddie make some CHOICEStm? Yes, yes he did. Lucas did not go to the dark side for playing a sport.

HOWEVER!

Lucas made some choices of his own.

Now, my information is 20 years old and I'm doing this based on memory, so if I get things wrong, also know I am from a different state than Indiana.

The play offs and championship games are announced ahead of time. There is no way Lucas was told THAT day that Hawkins was playing in the championship game. He had three days on the inside and a week on the outside of knowing when the game was.

Also take into consideration that the likelihood of Lucas PLAYING in said championship game is astronomical. Like the starting lineup and all the second string players would have to injured or fouled out before he could play. Because he's a freshman. He would have to wait out all the sophomores, juniors, and seniors(grades 10-12 respectively) before the coach would put him in. As opposed to a game that not only would he be playing in, he would be considered a valued member.

But as a club, Hellfire probably had set days they could meet. (Also, also, who the teaching advisor for that club and where the hell were they at any point during that season?)

So for most of the school year, the Hellfire club met on Fridays. Lucas would have known that.

So he had a few days to tell Eddie that he wouldn't be able to make it to the finale of their campaign, and he didn't. Then he didn't have to courage to tell Eddie himself and made Dustin and Mike do it.

So here's Eddie, president of the club (though, I can only imagine he was because no else wanted it, as something tells me I don't think they would have a let a double super senior president of anything), being told he's going to be down a player or be forced to move it. Something the other members of the club didn't want to do.

So why does Lucas's choice matter, but Gareth, Jeff, and the Unnamed Freak's choices don't?

So Eddie has to make a decision. Move it, find a replacement, or cancel it all together.

But since it was Dustin and Mike who brought to his attention THEY can find a replacement.

Because here's the thing about D&D and especially about being a DM. You build the fight based around the characters' abilities, classes, and magical items. And there is a lovely thing called CR or challenge rating. It's based on a party of four but can be adjusted for how many players you have. So a CR 10 would be a monster or fight that would take FOUR level 10 characters to beat. So six players, he would probably throw a CR 12 or 13 because of the extra players.

And if they are down a player it can really fuck things up, because what do you scale back and how?

We don't know what level all the characters were or what their classes were. We know that Lucas HAD played a ranger in the past so lets go with that. And since we know EXACTLY what Erica's character was: a level 14 half-elf rogue, so Lucas was probably of a similar level. And let me tell you TWO complete different skill sets.

Which is probably why the group is decimated at the end. Rangers are long range (heh) and rogues are better up close and personal. If Erica hadn't rolled a natural 20 both her and Dustin would have been dead when Vecna took his turn.

Sorry, I got off track a bit with the D&D stuff. But the purpose of that was to show that Lucas bailing last minute would have fucked things up for Eddie.

So TL;DR is that Lucas chose a game that he would likely be on the bench for for all of the game over a game he was an active participant in, didn't tell Eddie for DAYS and made his friends do it last minute, and then demanded the campaign get moved at the cost of the other members of the club's wants, and all because he wanted to be popular.

So, no. Eddie should NOT apologize for not catering to the wants of one member of his club over the needs of everyone else in said club. Maybe a bit on the traitor thing, but not moving the finale because Lucas thought basketball was more important? Nah...

[malenjoyer]

Hi!

I know right now may not be the best time to say this, but I'm kind of still processing how fast this all happened. As someone who likes to look over artists' past work esp my fav works daily and just suddenly noticed that they're almost all gone: twitter, instagram, and tumblr. It frustrates me that not only has this situation affected you, but how it really takes one selfish and inconsiderate person to ruin everything for others. I truly hope that you can heal from this and maybe we might see those pictures again, but this is just soo much to process. Just love and support for you <33333 🥹🫶😭🫶🫶🫶🫶

Hi. I’ve privated a lot of my work on tumblr and Instagram, so they’re not gone forever. I still have a lot of positive memories with them so I didn’t want to delete them. I wanted to keep all the nice comments and support I’ve gotten over these past few years.. I might unarchive them sometime in the future when I’m more okay with it being looked at. Twitter, I had no choice but to delete it, especially ones with dick, jason, and Peter Parker. My brain freaked out a little bit from seeing evidence of the person saving my art and making fake clip files with them. Logically, I am aware deleting my old art in response is stupid.

But it wasn’t limited to just comic art, it was other interests I had too which was really uncomfortable that someone would go to the extent of pretending they like other stuff I liked. They would also paraphrase tweets I’ve made about my personal life onto their own twitter. That just isn’t okay.

Every interest I’ve ever fallen in love with meant a lot to me. This is probably not publicly known information since I’m relatively private, as a depressed autistic person, a lot of who I am is what I end up liking. My friends and relatives describe me as dressing up like a cartoon character, because everything I like is so visibly obvious. I become utterly consumed in my favorite things. Suddenly, it feels like all of my control was taken away from me. My interests collected over the years were no longer just mine, it was someone else’s because they decided to lie and it was easier to continue lying. I don’t know how much was saved. There was a screenshot of a message with over 8+ of my art works sent excluding the fake files.

I don’t have control over it. The impersonation of my identity and my life experiences.

But I do have control over who gets to see what I put out in the future. I could probably write this better but I’ve rewritten a lot of things within these two days. Rewritten posts over and over so it sounds less aggressive, less hurt, less like I am trying to call for a witch hunt and more just taking extra precautions. I don’t think I have the energy to rewrite this to seem less vulnerable/pathetic.

I want to apologize to everyone who hoped I’d keep my past art public. I know how it feels. I’ve been fans of artists who just blew up their account one day and never came back. I only privated them on tumblr and Instagram. That’s all I can do. Honestly, I’m hoping a part of my brain just forgets some of this happened since depression does come with memory loss.. This post is now too long.. but I hope it gives some insight for what’s happening on my side of the brain. I appreciate all the support so far.

If you see me acting a little weird on twitter, I’m just trying to regain a sense of control over my identity.

[starzgaze]

ARCHIVED: annoyance [unfinished]

pairing: sjw/archivist!reader

unreliable synopsis: [y.name] tries to discreetly follow jinwoo but they fail so badly that jinwoo played them lmao

a/n: [y.name] whole job is from an oc so if you need a bit of context on how they work you can check my oc ophion because this is a self indulgent piece huhuhu.. also shit english and its unfinished so yeah erm

[y.name] stared down the intricately detailed paper in front of them. It honestly looked like something straight out of some fairytale but [y.name] knew better. It was a personal announcement stating where there's a bit of information that's incorrect or not processed correctly in their archives.

They sighed in irritation.

The archivist crumpled the piece of paper and then threw it aggressively to some wall, letting out an annoyed groan.

"AGH! This rarely happened before even in past timelines?? It only happened when he—" [y.name] ranted before shoving their face into their hands and let out an irritated groan again. They genuinely started to hate this job that was forcibly imposed on them.

And that job was being an archivist to archive everything that happened in this world for the purpose that their now dead boss, the absolute being, could look through the records [y.name] made if they got bored of the monarchs and rulers fighting and went off somewhere else. [y.name]'s job was supposed to made easier because information from the future and past would be forcibly injected into their head like some sort of epiphany because the movements of everything that the absolute being made was predictable. Which means they don't have to manually archive it.

That is until Sung Jin-woo came in.

That... man... almost drove [y.name] into insanity. Right after the dungeon incident, [y.name] ordinarily archived whatever happened to Sung Jin-woo in the dungeon and assumed he would have an average 'Second Awakening' and nothing more.

But when [y.name] archived it they were immediately greeted with an announcement that the information they archived was incorrect. [y.name] rose a brow at this.

They were rarely wrong so how can this be? The last time they archived something wrong was the time where Antares did something so out of character or Ashborn constantly doing decisions that even the existing predictions couldn't match his choices. [y.name] was definitely confused at this but they didn't pay that much mind to it.

They simply adjusted it and tweaked around until it approved the information [y.name] archived then after this [y.name] thought they'll never encounter this ever again for a while.

Until it repeated.

and repeated

repeated

repeated......

....aaanndd repeated......

...

"oh my god I think I'm gonna bald from stress" [y.name] whined as they gripped the folder in their hands and narrowed their eyes at the profile in the folder. The archivist gritted their teeth at the sight of the hunter.

S-rank hunter, Sung Jin-woo.

"Just how the hell did you become this strong?!!?"

The folder flew into the air as [y.name] threw it as they covered their face exasperatedly. The only thing that was haunting [y.name]'s days was Sung Jin-woo, the very reason of why they stay up at night and grovel at the thought of.

Ever since his sudden rise in the rankings in Korea, [y.name]'s work as an archivist doubled. They had to manually archive every little decision Jin-woo made in his life that'll affect the world or even the universe with how powerful he's getting. It was difficult for sure, especially when they're trying to not seem like a creep discreetly following the hunter around trying to jot down whatever Jin-woo is doing because now this magical force that helped them archive doesn't work on him.

"Eugghhh. How many days left before this guy is gonna figure out I've been following him for the past few months" [y.name] sighed as they turned their head over to where the folder fell. Their eyes hardened at thr sight of the folder, annoyance bubbling inside of them. Sung Jinwoo is seriously making their job harder than it should be.

Jin-woo can't miss how a figure would tail him whenever he was in public and most definitely whenever he's in a high ranking dungeon for some reason.

He would occasionally catch them at his peripheral vision but when he actually turn his head and try to see who it was they would magically disappear. Jin-woo could easily of course appear in their shadow but this figure hasn't posed a threat to him or to anyone he loved.

"My leige, they're tailing your trail again. Do you wish for me to dispose them?" Beru reported as he materialized behind Jin-woo. He raised his hand and waved it dismissively. "No need. Let them be"

In truth, Jin-woo recognized the figure. He was sure that the elusive stalker he has doesn't recognize them anymore but Jin-woo does.

[y.name], one of the few who didn't laughed behind Jin-woo's back but instead encouraged him and served as someone of inspiration for Jin-woo.

To be fair, Jin-woo used to have a small crush on [y.name] before but he forgotten about it when he was going through his grueling training of the system. This mostly became the reason why his feelings for [y.name] dwindled but it quickly resurfaced when they started trailing him around.

[cerise-on-top]

Playing Stardew Valley

One of my favorite games of all time. More headcanons, this time on what it's like to play SDV with the majority of the main cast. I think these can be read as platonic or romantic too. The only real mention of a romantic relationship is in Gaz' section, but even then it's just a "if you're in this scenario then that happens". SFW and gender neutral, obviously. The characters are the ones I usually write about, so no Makarov, for example.

Price: To no one’s surprise he’s not actually much of a gamer, at all. If the choice was up to him then the two of you would likely be spending your days somewhere outside. However, it’s not too hard to convince him to play with you on stormy days. The game is relaxing, it’s nice, he won’t have to worry about gunshots for once. Despite maybe having heard of it before and nothing else, he’d come to like it after some time. Most of his time is spent on the farm and in town, it takes him some time to find the mines. Loves getting to pat the animals, watering the crops and making the farm look nice. He makes sure that everything is going well so you can go hunt monsters in the mines or mine ore there. He doesn’t go overboard with the money either, so as long as you don’t constantly buy expensive things you’ll always have a good chunk of money.

Gaz: His name is Kyle, it’s in his blood to be a gamer. But Stardew Valley isn’t what he usually goes for in his spare time. However, as long as you’re playing it together you can be sure he’s gonna say yes. Despite being pretty good with money normally, he loses count of how much he has in game and sometimes wants to buy things he can’t afford anymore. But he always promises you that you’re gonna get it back. Gaz is also the kind to bring you all sorts of gifts, regardless of whether you asked him to or not. If you’re dating he’ll call it him “trying to gain relationship points”. His end goal is to marry you, in that case. Despite being resourceful he sometimes forgets to water your crops and pat the animals when he’s in a hurry with a quest. If you don’t take care of it, then you can be sure your crops will wither from time to time. Doesn’t mean for that to happen and will buy new seeds. It’s a vicious cycle. 

Ghost: Rolls his eyes and asks you why when you bring up the idea of playing with him. He’s got better things to do, actually, but he can be convinced to play if you annoy him enough. Afterwards he’ll come to enjoy the game, it is a great source of escapism, after all. Unlike Gaz, he will never forget about your crops or your animals and will always take care of them. Even money-wise it will be you who spends most of it. His favorite activity would be foraging. He knows quite a bit about survival and, if you ask him about it, he’s more than happy to divulge some information and give you some tips if it ever came down to it. Every time he sees your character running up to him with some gift he’ll roll his eyes, but appreciate it nevertheless. It wasn’t often that he got presents when he was younger, so now as an adult he’s quite happy, even if it’s just within a silly game.

Soap: Will probably laugh a little when you bring up the game, but is willing to play it with you. It’s not the most exciting game to play to him, but he gets to chat with you over something easy to digest that doesn’t require him to make a million decisions per minute. However, please let him name the animals, he loves doing so. Yes, they will end up with silly names, but he just tries to get you to laugh. Soap does get attached to them, though. Loves being in the mines and slaying the monsters there, he gets to feel powerful as he cuts through slime and mine some ore. Every once in a while he’ll fall unconscious, though, because he forgets about the stamina bar. During those few seconds of loading screens he loves to annoy you. Or when he’s already in bed for once and waiting for you to do the same. Poking you, throwing popcorn at you or something else, he can be a nincompoop in the most loving way possible.

Alejandro: Because he has such a high rank, there’s a chance you won’t get to see him that often. And during those few and short times you do get to see each other? He’s more than happy to indulge you in anything you like. You wanna play a funny farming sim? Of course you can! He loves it because of the setting. A pretty rounded guy, he does just about anything, except maybe fishing. He’s not a big fan of that minigame at all. Everything else is fair game. Once you have the kitchen unlocked he’s more than happy to make you a home-cooked meal every morning so you won’t run out of stamina on your adventures. The game makes him very happy, so much even that he’ll make the suggestion you play together eventually. It’s his mission to pet the animals every day. Please let him discover giant crops, he’ll love it and try to get as many as possible. Gets very into the game and its domesticity, but he’ll leave the decoration of the farm and the house to you.

Rodolfo: He’s a bit skeptical at first since he isn’t much of a gamer and the game sounds somewhat boring to him. The first few days actually are to him, but once he’s gotten the hang of it, he loves the game. Every day, he hopes you’ll ask him to play it with you. Heck, if he has the time, chances are he’ll invite Alejandro to play it with you two as well. Another all-rounder, he does everything he is asked to do, except he loves the fishing minigame. He’s also insanely good at it, the legendary fish got nothing on him. While he does simply follow you around for the most part, especially if you’re in the mines together, he has a good time doing so. Plenty of gifts from either of you for the other, you try to make sure the other feels appreciated. For the most part, he forgets that you can eat to replenish your stamina and will sometimes complain about it running out so quickly, until he discovers he can simply lie down in bed. His favorite activity is fishing with you while you’re talking about anything and everything. Loves playing into the night with you if neither of you have anywhere to be.

Valeria: Scoffs at you when you bring it up. However, once you’ve bought her the game she’ll at the very least give it a try. It’s surprisingly nice to her. Valeria can be a bit competitive, however, so don’t be surprised if she mentions how much money you suddenly have. On those few days she actually has some downtime for once, she’s willing to play it with you. Be warned, though: She has looked up guides on how to be successful in the game and make lots and lots of money. She may be a businesswoman, but she does try to purchase all the upgrades she can for you. Yes, she calls you out on using a lot of money, yes, she’ll also wring out every piece of gold she can find to get you that lovely little couch you want. Go ahead and make her some food every once in a while. It may just be a game, but she’ll remember that gesture. Do that regularly enough and she’ll just take you out to eat at a fancy restaurant, with her paying, of course. If she finds out about giant crops on her own without guides, she’ll simply stare at the cauliflower for a good two minutes before laughing a bit. For some reason, she finds it funny.

Graves: Has heard about the game, refuses to play it because he deems it childish and boring. Tries to dislike it and complain about it while playing with you, but once he sees how much you enjoy it and how much heart and soul has actually been poured into it, he’ll seem neutral, but likes it in secrecy. Like Valeria, he tries to make as much money as possible to show off how competent and good he is at the farming game. While he tries his best to get as much iridium ore as possible, the thought of cleaning up his farm doesn’t cross his mind even once. The animals get to roam freely, the crops will usually be fine, though. He loves having lots of silos, coops and barns because it seems home-y to him. He’s from the south, he grew up with animals and thus loves them, which is why he also enjoys having as many cows as possible. The fact that they look cute is just an added bonus. While playing, his cocky demeanor disappears a bit and he becomes more smiley as well. Point it out to him and he’ll outright deny it. He likes the game, but he’d rather be put in the electric chair than say that out loud.

Alex: The game seems fine to him, a lovely little break from having to worry about getting shot at any moment. He’s more than happy to play it with you and needs no convincing whatsoever, you just need to tell him what the game is about. He immediately falls in love with it and the very first thing he does is try to get a chicken coop. He saw them and knew he needed ten. The joy he felt when he found out he could name his chicken things like “Sweetie” or “Honey” was something else. He gets creative with those cute names too, especially if you like them as well. He’s a bit lost on what to do at first since he usually carries out orders others give him, but if you tell him to explore the map he’ll report back on his finds with excitement. He’s also fairly keen on befriending the townsfolk and tells you about all the events. Another thing he’s rather attentive to is the soundtrack. Once he’s heard the fall themes he’ll listen to the OST when doing the dishes or cleaning. Unlike Graves, Alex will outright tell you how happy he is that he gets to play the game with you. He loves it and he’s glad he gets to spend this time with you, doing simple farming chores.

Farah: For the sake of this we’ll pretend she’ll actually have the time to play the game with you every once in a while. It’s calming, it’s distracting, it’s escapism in its purest form. Farah needs fairly little convincing to play the game, especially if you bought it for her. It’s worth a try in her eyes, if she doesn’t enjoy it she can just tell you. It’s a bit weird to her at first, she’s so used to there being death and destruction all around her pretty much all the time, she’s just waiting for something to happen. But when you assure her that the worst thing in the game is the dragon enemy, she relaxes. Even while playing she tries to be efficient. Someone needs to tend to the crops, the animals and the townsfolk while the other goes foraging, fighting monsters and mining. I think she would enjoy the forest farm the most. Urzikstan doesn’t have the most flora, so it’s a nice change of scenery for her. The more she plays, the more she relaxes, but she does give you orders from time to time. As mentioned before, she likes spending time with the townsfolk and helping them out when they need it. The community center is finished within the first year as quickly as possible and the following cutscene warms her heart. Needless to say, she likes the game and likes playing it with you.

Laswell: Some convincing is needed in her case, but once you tell her about how it’s your favorite game, regardless of whether it’s true or not, she’ll cave in. While she has heard about the game every once in a while, she didn’t think she’d ever play it. Despite knowing nothing about it other than its premise, she’s actually pretty good at it from the get go. She always keeps an eye on her stamina, she always takes some food with her, and she gains money fairly quickly as well. Other than that she’s also fairly lucky, finding diamonds and prismatic shards comparatively easily. Despite getting the hang of the game quickly, she cannot do the fishing minigame to save her life and will openly complain about it. While you’re working on the community center she’ll leave all the fishing up to you. But other than that she loves the soundtrack as well. She won’t listen to it outside of the game, but if she ever hears any of the songs she’s immediately reminded of your small gaming sessions together and smiles. Laswell also found the giant Junimo plushie in the bushes on accident in spring of her first year without consulting any guide and to this day you don’t know how.

Nikolai: He knows about the game, plenty of people he knows play it, but it was never something he was interested in. Then you came and asked him to play it with you, and who was he to deny you such an innocent request? He may not be a gamer, but he’s confident enough in his abilities to suggest you two choose the monster farm. A lot of his time is spent slaying enough monsters to get all the rewards, that’s his goal. While he doesn’t do a lot of farming, he barely even buys any seeds unless he has to or you ask him to, he’s always somewhere on the map, exploring and foraging. His pockets are usually filled to the brim with stones, ores, gems and monster loot. His favorite challenge is getting to floor 100 in the Skull Cavern. He knows about the staircases, but he doesn’t use more than 10 of them. He can be a show off, he wants you to know that, despite not being the youngest anymore, he’s still very capable. Your animals bear Russian names. No Cyrillic used, just the way the words are spelt in Latin letters. If you don’t know any Russian, then he won’t tell you what the names mean. If you do know Russian then you’ll find that the chicken is simply named “chicken”.

[filipinoizukuu]

what comes next though? (MHA ch. 413)

// major spoilers for mha ch. 413 since its leaks, so please stop reading if you arent quite caught up. i havent written one of these in a LONGGG while lmao.

ANYWAY, with all that being said.... this week's leaks huh?

We saw it coming a long time ago, we speculated it to hell and back, we made aus and fics, and now it's finally here. The conclusion we've reached and the one that's been hinted at since the release of Heroes Rising in 2019:

bnha is going to end with deku giving up one for all and becoming quirkless.

(LOTS of words under the cut -- youve been warned.)

For those who are a little lost; the basic premise of the ending we are hurtling towards is that Kudou (the 2nd user of ofa) has a plan to take down Shigaraki. With AfO dead and gone + Shigaraki becoming so powerful he is essentially invincible -- theres no other choice for the heroes other than destroying him inside out; the plan being the equivalent of charging a battery so much it explodes.

the way they're going to go about this is by essentially, feeding Shigaraki bits of One for All until he's given all of it -- then allowing the vestiges of the previous wielders to create a massive revolt similar to what SnS did until they can successfully tear him apart from inside the "quirk realm" and shut him out. Kudou volunteers to go next since danger sense has already been taken, and if Shigaraki uses gearshift again after Deku already used it twice, Tomura's body will likely shutdown and receive twice the backlash Deku does when he uses kudou's quirk.

(sidenote: funny as fuck that deku only understood once kudou equated the strategy to bkg throwing papers at him. bro stupid af.)

its a sensible(ish) idea. one that seems plausible given the context of the last hundred or so chapters with heroes like Hawks and SnS having their quirks revolt against both AfO and Shigaraki in a way that makes it clear that its not uniquely OfA that animates the souls of peoples quirks. Its inherent. Quote, Nana Shimura, "romantic" even.

(let it be known though that i think hori absolutely did not plan on delving into this plot point as much as he is now. ill explain in a bit, but heroes rising was 100% a major factor of why he moved in this direction.)

That being said, the conclusion of the plan (and subsequently, the major plot of bnha) is as follows: Deku gives up One for All to Shigaraki. One for All unites with All for One within Shigaraki and destroys it in one final clash between Yoichi and his brother. The break in the barrier of Shigaraki's hatred will part, letting him find the consciousness of Shimura Tenko behind it after years.

Shigaraki dies, taking OfA and AfO down with him,

and then Deku is quirkless once more.

Sad conclusion aside for now, I firmly believe that no matter what way you look at it; Deku was always meant to end the story without a quirk. Given some of the original drafts of bnha where Deku was never supposed to be given a quirk in the first place, this is clearly unsurprising. What's more is my favorite piece of information relative to katsuki and deku's character development:

the fact that heroes rising was (one of the) ideas for the original ending of bnha.

a refresher for some of you: heroes rising is about class 1a going to the isolated village of nabu island and defending it against an upcoming big bad villain named "nine" with a quirk that is essentially a scaled down version of all for one. katsuki and deku eventually resolve the conflict together via brute force by deku giving katsuki ofa, them rushing in while the quirk is transferring and both of them have it, and then ultimately defeating nine at the end. the movie then of course circles back on deku losing one for all, undoing that consequence by saying the transfer never completed bc ofa chose him over katsuki and they all move on to the endeavor agency arc with katsuki remembering absolutely nothing of the final battle.

many fans often misunderstand one of horikoshi's quotes about the movie in that it was, without a doubt, the original ending of bnha. for the sake of accuracy, that is not what horikoshi really said; what he ACTUALLY said was something closer and to the tune of of how it was "one OF the endings" he planned on using for bnha, but his original idea for how the story ends "has not changed one bit."

obviously disregarding the cop out where ofa sticks back to izuku in order for the series to continue as normal; this can only confirm that bnha was going to end with midoriya izuku quirkless whether katsuki was involved or not.

so what's different this time?

its hard to figure out how far horikoshi had planned the ending of bnha with heroes rising's prototype conclusion in mind. if heroes rising never pulled through and horikoshi had planned on bnha ending with the shared ofa transfer and katsuki continuing deku's legacy -- then that means katsuki wouldve died an early death because of all might's confirmation that only quirkless people can hold on to one for all without dying young, meaning he either intended on katsuki dying soon after the story ends or only planned that plot point after heroes rising was released.

the plot as well of heroes rising's conclusion cannot have been thought of all that early on because of ANOTHER tidbit of information that changes perspective of the entire series: in that,

bakugou katsuki was never supposed to be a major character to begin with. (keep an eye on this link; i reference this interview a LOT)

he was not supposed to have an arc. he was not supposed to become a major focal point of the series. he was not meant to be the hero he is in the story today. bakugou katsuki was not written with the intention of being a major narrative this late into the story -- instead originally only existing as a character that deku would surpass within the first few arcs.

but then katsuki cried, and deku apologized, and then opened his big fat mouth, and then told him a secret he didnt even tell his own mother -- and suddenly bakugou katsuki was not just another footnote in deku's story, but a legitimate character that grew and created one of the most loved (and hated) character turnarounds in shonen history. he started of as a literal EXTRA before snowballing into the very same character horikoshi decided would defeat all for one, the original scariest antagonist of the entire series. someone not even ALL MIGHT could defeat.

but circling back, yeah. heroes rising was definitely not the ending horikoshi thought of first, nor was it the ending he thought of last. ultimately, it was simply another route he couldve taken into wrapping up deku's fate into what it was (probably) always meant to be:

deku was gonna lose one for all no matter what.

it's kind of fitting, honestly -- for this to be the ultimate conclusion to the series. it makes the most sense, since what sent deku down this path so many years ago was his mother apologizing to deku for being quirkless; as if being quirkless meant he was born inferior to those who had quirks. people, after all according to deku's famous beginning monologue, are not born equal.

Even still, i thought to note: deku never stopped wanting to be a hero. we all know this, obviously. this was his driving force -- but then when you REALLY think about the implications, you have to ask. what the heck was deku even planning to do?!

he had ideas. he had hope. he wrote notebooks for the future and thought of his costume for being a hero -- but not once do i remember him writing about his hero experience as if he was suddenly going to develop a quirk. he was planning on saving people quirkless -- an extremely interesting motivation especially when he couldve so easily chosen to walk the path of being a doctor or engineer instead if he wanted to save people so badly. its a story about conviction, about doing the things you wanna do in the way you wanna do it no matter what ANYONE else says and hey wait a minute that sounds familiar

it doesnt quite read that way at first, especially because of how izuku almost listened to all might about "being realistic" when the first met and nearly gave up on becoming a hero entirely, but izuku is a lot similar to katsuki in the sense that no matter what gets in his way -- he is determined to achieve his dreams in the way HE CHOOSES, and not the way that is more "convenient".

even when you look at just his name, "deku" in the way that uraraka had interpreted it (dekiru -- "you can do it!") and the way deku reexplains it to katsuki in deku vs kacchan 1 ("the deku that doesn't give up!") you can so easily tell that deku from the very beginning has only ever needed the slightest push to pursue being a hero, quirk-or-not-be-damned. hell, we even see a glimpse of this possibility in the sports festival race when deku absolutely DECIMATES not just bakugou but also TODOROKI (as well as every single other damn student participating in the festival) with nothing but robot scraps and his balls of steel. it just so happens that until the promise of one for all, no such encouragement or push was ever given to deku in his pursuit of heroicism, most especially in comparison to katsuki who had been receiving praise and validation for his goals his whole life.

i'd argue that deku's conviction is even stronger than katsuki in a way no other person seems to recognize (except maybe katsuki himself). katsuki had received only positive feedback and zero competition for his goals growing up while deku received nothing but discouragement. both of them kept the conviction of being a hero for TEN YEARS; neither wavering til the day of the sludge incident.

that aside; what comes next?

we know the story after that. deku gets his quirk, he goes to school, he fights, he drops out, he fights some more, and now he's standing before shigaraki tomura with every quirk of one for all unlocked and over twice the power that all might had in his prime -- fully knowing he's about to lose EVERYTHING in order to defeat shigaraki.

this is deku we're talking about. he doesn't care. he knows the implications and what that will mean for his dream -- but his goal right now is in front of him. his goal is shigaraki, consumed by hatred, threatening to take down the world izuku loves most into a pit of misery and decay because society failed people like them. does he care? probably. will he refuse to give up his power if it means not saving the world and fulfilling one for all's purpose? absolutely not.

deku has made all might's quirk his own, but one for all does not belong to him. it belongs to yoichi. and kudou. and bruce and nana and all of the other users who built that quirk for generations in hopes that one day, someday, someone would be able to yield it all and bring down the monstrosity that created it in the first place. deku will not hesitate, but also deku knows what he will lose.

i have... a few things i dislike about this.

Admittedly, i do think that this is a better resolution than the simple brute strength approach of Heroes Rising. For one, while i do love heroes rising with my entire heart and soul, i firmly believe it would not have been a satisfying conclusion to the core lessons and teachings bnha tries to impart throughout the story. simply outnumbering and outpowering afo/shigaraki would not be enough to close yoichi's story and one for all -- much less the story of shigaraki himself as tenko, the boy consumed by hatred.

Still, this new ending that horikoshi has laid out leaves me with more questions; as well as large expectations for how izuku's character will close out. its complicated, because deku's evolution and development is subtle and intricate in a way i havent seen from other shonen protagonists and i worry about doing it justice.

but most of my problems have to do with bakugou katsuki.

(aint that the truth)

i know i mentioned that bakugou was never intended to be a major character, but i want it to be known that that was only in the beginning. season 1, maybe even season 2 -- but horikoshi had said it best himself in that bakugou katsuki, against his permission, had gained a life of his own and inserted himself into the very grain of mha's story. you cannot deny this.

he is the series deuteroganist inarguably. one of the most beloved characters and one of the most attentively-written development arcs in the whole series. katsuki in and of himself embodies major themes in bnha that make it so that ditching his development and impact last minute after defeating all for one would reflect poorly upon the conclusion of the story itself. he and deku are intertwined in arcs -- even if they do have separate paths at the end of the day. katsuki is the one izuku told about the quirk. the one who followed izuku during the paranormal liberation arc. the one who understands one for all and is determined to learn about it more than anyone else barring all might and deku himself. the one who is closer to izuku than anyone else.

it can't be over for their arc, no matter what way you see it. friends? rivals? hero partners? what comes next, when the smoke clears? what comes next when izuku gives shigaraki hell, like katsuki told him to?

katsuki's atoned. we accept that, have known it since chapter 285 and have continued to know it until the iconic apology in the rain. that's not where katsuki stops however, because we know that its not all about begging for izuku's forgiveness nor atoning for himself. its about catching up to izuku -- the last words he uttered before shigaraki crushed his heard say it all.

"can i still catch up to you, izuku?"

since the moment katsuki died, we've been given a metric ton of material to read through what he and izuku have become in the story. firstly, the point of katsuki being the person closest to izuku. what does this mean? what does that say about katsuki? is he supposedly the person izuku loves the most? the person izuku believes in the most? i'd argue these two criterion would easily fit his mother or all might a lot better -- not his childhood friend turned bully turned rival turned barely-friend. katsuki sure as hell didn't believe he was the person closest to izuku before shigaraki brought it up as evidenced by the fact that he let IIDA bring deku back to UA -- and neither does izuku as far as i bet. what was shigaraki's intention?

katsuki heard that statement. he hasnt said anything, but he definitely heard it. its an open end that is left entirely unanswered PRECISELY because katsuki fought afo on his own and izuku is about to tackle shigaraki without katsuki by his side. if it was heroes rising's ending wherein they would both fight shigaraki and take him down together -- then that statement would easily be answered by how their strength and bond is the one thing that gave them an upper hand in the final battle. other than that... i'm not entirely sure how they're going to have katsuki and izuku acknowledge katsuki's brief "death" and Tomura's reasons thereof.

But fine, lets ignore that for the time being and move on to what happened when Katsuki came back.

katsuki answered izuku's cry for help. he came back to life in the last moment to save all might when izuku was too busy fighting tooth and nail to win. they are the penultimate example of two sides of a hero; the win and save. not one without the other. every single parallel thus far between izuku and katsuki have always been to draw attention over and over to each of their stubborn convictions to win and save under all might's tutelage.

katsuki has chosen to prioritize winning and fighting over saving and rescuing over. and over. and over. and over again. at every single opportunity from the very beginning of the series. in usj, in sports festival, in the final exam, every choice he's made up until --

chapter 285 - bakugou katsuki: rising.

he chooses to save izuku in this instant. as he says, his body moved on its own -- or in other words, he felt like how izuku has always did since the sludge villain incident. this is bakugou katsuki catching up to midoriya izuku. its katsuki realizing that he needs to save so deku can win, and actually being okay with that for once. it's a major turning point in his character that clearly tells even horikoshi that there's absolutely no way katsuki can go back to being a side character within the plot of bnha after a development like this.

and then, after this instance, we notice it happen again and again. katsuki choosing to save to win instead of winning to save. katsuki protecting best jeanist against the nomu. katsuki coming to chase after izuku when he runs away from UA. katsuki (in a way) saving aoyama when its revealed he's the traitor. hell, katsuki saving ALL MIGHT as soon as izuku -- the savior -- begs someone to save his idol when he can't because he's too focused on trying to win.

so what changed?

what changed since the moment of chapter 285 was katsuki accepting his fears and anxieties. katsuki letting go of his aversity to working with deku. the reason katsuki started accepting the path of saving to win was because he TRUSTED deku to win where he couldnt.

this is katsuki accepting that him and izuku already surpassed all might together.

but katsuki said it himself. it's not over. he accepts that him and izuku are finally on equal footing -- hell, he admits he's the one who needs to play catch up. it's not about katsuki conceding to weakness, but katsuki being able to trust in izuku to finish the job. the point is that they both will break and break until they win the way they choose to, and the other will be there to win while they save and save while they win. moreso, katsuki still wants to be number 1. he still wants to catch up and surpass deku. he wants to fight by deku's side. but ... as we've established:

deku will be quirkless soon.

my problem (or, i guess, curiosity?) with the path horikoshi seems to be going down for the end of this story is what happens to this end? what happens to the wonder duo? i believe in a quirkless deku plot as much as the next person -- but any reader would find it easy to see that once deku loses one for all, he will not be nearly as efficient nor quick nor capable of a hero as he once was. especially not against a developed katsuki with mastery over cluster explosions.

he will lose one for all and he won't ever be the pro-hero he was going to be before the final war arc. katsuki will get number 1 surely, but will he be happy about this resolution? i don't think so. All Might himself had said it when Katsuki spoke to him about his relationship to Izuku; that the twin stars reminded All Might very much of his own rivalry with Endeavor and the bitter feelings it created.

endeavor expressed regret and a bitter end to their rivalry; the acknowledgement of the bitter truth that the only reason he was the number one hero is because all might lost his own quirk. he knew he didn't deserve the mantle all might had held for a long time before him. he knew that he was still only just playing catch up with the wisdom and understanding of heroicism that all might had in his heart from the beginning. endeavor will likely retire from being a pro-hero unsatisfied with this truth and his own victory at becoming the no.1 at the very end -- never feeling like he truly surpassed all might of his own accord. both enji and toshinori -- victims of their destiny.

is this the fate that will befall katsuki once izuku is quirkless for good?

There are many questions I have in wake of the recent chapter. The end of the series is here, and that's a whole can of worms i haven't touched in and of itself. We all saw this coming; some of us know that this was always going to be Izuku's fate since the beginning of the series. But now that it's more than just izuku's character involved in his dreams of being a hero -- i dont know how this series is going to conclude and if it will be satisfying to any means. there's a lot of questions i still have; bakugous arc feeling incomplete ever since he came back to life, the conclusion of all might and one for all's dreams now that they will disappear altogether. where does deku go after this? where does bakugou go? where do any of them?

i guess i gotta wait and see lol

[moonstruckme]

In a Week - send a character + au and I'll write a blurb for it (like vampire!Eddie, bodyguard!Sirius, etc.)

you made think of royalty au princess!reader x bodyguard!sirius mutual pining where they have both harbored a secret crush on each other but had to hide it for years because of their duty/position, only to find out that princess!reader is the queen’s illegitimate child and therefore unfit to marry the neighboring kingdom’s prince, delighted that her engagement has been annulled she goes to tell her faithful bodyguard and to confesses her feelings for him once and for all, while he (bodyguard!sirius) hasn’t heard the news yet goes to confess his feelings for her because he can’t take it anymore and is surprised by her confession

Thanks for requesting my love! Hope you like it :)

join the party

bodyguard!Sirius x fem!reader ♡ 1.8k words

Sirius goes a little bit crazy every time he can’t be with you. He tells himself it’s a side effect of his position, that every moment you’re out of sight carries with it the potential for danger, but he’s come to know better than that over the last few years. It doesn’t matter if another very competent guard is on shift with you, or if you’re being escorted by a whole team of his best guys—it’s torture nonetheless, not necessarily because he’s worried about you, but simply because he’s away from you. 

That probably explains the acute upset forming somewhere behind his sternum as he waits outside the doors to your parents’ room. Though far from a ceremonial meeting place, it’s the most secure room in the palace, so when your mother had said she and your father needed to speak with you alone, Sirius had no choice but to comply. You’ve been having a lot of these family meetings in the weeks following your engagement, though he can’t figure what about this one could call for such secrecy. Maybe confidential information on relations between your nation and your betrothed’s, or something like that. As much as he hates leaving you in there alone, Sirius is glad he doesn’t have to stand impassively by the wall and listen to plans for your marriage. 

He can tell you don’t love the prince, not that it matters. He doesn’t think the prince loves you either. All that’s required of either of you is the appearance of affability in public. Romance was never part of the equation, and you’ve long since accepted that even if Sirius hasn’t. He’s been thinking about it for weeks, how different his life would become once you're another man’s wife. He’d have to help you weave yourself into the prince’s life, deliver you to your shared bed every night and pick you up every morning as if he didn't know what might’ve happened there, watch as you potentially fall in love with someone else. And love probably would blossom between you and the prince in time. It’s not easy to avoid when you spend so long around someone; Sirius would know. 

He decided just last night that he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He wrote his letter of resignation this morning. He’s going to tell you before he submits it to his boss because it’d feel like a betrayal to do it without you knowing, but he's made up his mind. He’ll stay for a few weeks to train his replacement and then bow out the day before your wedding. Sirius hopes you’re still open to being friends, but he’s not foolish enough to think he’ll get to see you anywhere near as often while you’re running a kingdom thousands of miles away. He’s just going to have to nurse his throbbing heart while he searches for a new job. 

The door to your parents room opens softly, but Sirius stiffens as if it had screamed on its hinges. You emerge looking as graceful as you always do, but there are tearstains on your pretty cheeks. Sirius assesses you quickly, though there’s no indication there’s been any threat other than some sort of bad news. Your face isn’t blotchy, and the tracks are faint, as though you’d tried to wipe them away without a mirror to guide you. Whatever caused your upset, you seem to have mostly recovered from it now. Still, Sirius’ heart aches at the sight of you. 

“Everything okay, Princess?” he asks, and it’s a business question but put in his gentlest tone. 

“Yeah,” you say, and despite your prim appearance, the breathy quality of your voice gives away your discomposure. You glance out the window. “Can we, um, take a walk outside, please?”

Sirius has always appreciated that you’re kind enough to ask when you know you don’t have to, though he wishes you wouldn’t just now. “Of course.” He opens the door for you, nodding to the guard posted outside as he follows you through. 

The weather has cooled recently, signaling the beginning of autumn even though the leaves have yet to change colors. It’s your favorite season. (Another thing, Sirius thinks with some bitterness, which he knows and your future husband won’t.) You look to be enjoying it well enough, face tipped towards the sun and breathing deeply like you’re trying to rejuvenate yourself. Sirius decides to withhold his questions about your tears for the time being, to give you a chance to get back to your usual content self. 

“Is something wrong?” you ask without opening your eyes. 

“I…with me? No,” he lies. “I’m just a little worried about you, angel. Why do you ask?”

“You’re clicking your tongue like you do when you’re thinking hard.” 

Sirius almost laughs, it’s such a bizarre thing to pick up on. But you’re right, and he stops.

You grow used to someone’s presence when you spend eight hours of every day around them. Sirius knows which of your laughs is the real one, and which is put on for someone else’s benefit. He can tell which clothes you’re going to reach for before you decide what to wear based on how you’re feeling that day. He knows how you like your tea, and what dishes from the kitchen you secretly have to choke down, and that you prefer to use the servant’s passages when you can get away with it because you don’t always feel like being stopped to talk in the hallways. 

But Sirius is expected to know those things. It’s part of his job. What had surprised him was when you started revealing how much you knew. It had started small (“You okay, Siri? You seem quiet today”) but soon the stores of information you’d been covertly gathering on him began to spill out of you. You started making him coffee after lunchtime when you knew he'd be having his afternoon crash, you’d switched to candles when you’d noticed your incense irritating his allergies, he’d found the pantries stocked with his favorite foods and the chef told him you’d requested them specifically. You didn’t have to do any of that, but the fact that you did anyway just shows the kind of person you are. It’s part of why Sirius is so painfully in love with you. 

“I have been thinking,” he says carefully, “and there’s something I want to talk to you about, but it can wait. Do you want to tell me what got you so rattled in there?”

You take a breath, sitting down on a nearby bench and patting the space next to you. Sirius knows he should really stay standing, keep scanning the area, but he checks nonverbally with the guard nearest and, receiving a nod, sits beside you. You look like you’re steadying yourself.

“Hey,” he says softly, placing his hand atop yours. “What’s going on, sweetheart? Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” you reply, leaning closer to him in that familiar way he’s going to miss. “Yeah, sorry, I am. It was a mix of good and bad, actually. Um, I’m not the king’s daughter.” 

Sirius blinks, almost pulling away in shock. Of all the things he’d been expecting you to say, that one hadn’t made the list. “You’re not?”

You shake your head, looking distantly at the rose bushes in front of you. “No. My mom had an affair with some—some merchant, I guess. He’s dead now.” Your voice is detached, as if you’re talking of someone you read about in the paper rather than your biological father. “He died a few days ago, apparently. That’s when my mom finally decided to tell my—the king.”

Sirius turns toward you more fully, setting his hand on your knee. He can’t imagine what you’re going through, all this information all at once, the fabric of your life torn and revealed to be thin as paper. “What does that mean for you?” 

“I’m still a princess, but—” you blow out a breath, disturbing the pieces of hair around your face “—it’s weird. The royal line is through my father, so I don’t have any official power or anything. But I still get to live here, play the part. Like a figurehead or something.” You look at him for the first time, something surprisingly like hope in your gaze. “But since I don’t have royal blood, I can’t marry the prince.” 

Sirius freezes, not allowing himself any outward reaction. His heart contracts for your loss even as his own selfish joy makes him dizzy.

 “Are you okay?” he asks. It’s almost a whisper. 

“I shouldn’t be,” you reply, just as softly. “He’s a decent man, and the best alliance we could have hoped for. But honestly, I’m relieved.” 

Sirius lets out a breath, thumb stroking your knee soothingly. “That’s understandable, angel. You’ve just had your whole world shaken up, it’d be a lot to have to move to another kingdom after all that.” 

“I mean, I didn’t love him.” You shrug, and Sirius grins at the bizarre lightness with which you talk of your marriage. You’re coming back to yourself slowly, even if there still seems to be something holding you back. Then you begin to gnaw at your bottom lip, your dead giveaway that you’re feeling nervous. Sirius waits. “I don’t think I ever could have loved him, honestly. There’s…there’s always been someone else I’d rather be with.” 

Sirius thinks he’s stopped breathing. It’s a good thing he’d put another guard in charge of watching your perimeter, because he’s definitely not capable of it right now. “Yeah?” he asks quietly. 

You nod, and he feels awful for your lip, the poor mistreated thing. “Yeah. I, um, I understand if it’s too weird for you, Siri. I just, I’m sorry. I feel like I have to tell you.” You let out a little laugh, pitched high by nerves but real. “It’s a day for confessions, apparently.” 

“Sweetheart.” He squeezes your knee, and you jolt a little. He waits until you’re looking at him to speak. “I have loved you for so long, I couldn’t even tell you when it started. I never would’ve…” he shakes his head, feeling as though he’s in a dream. “I didn’t think there was anything I could do about it. I was about to hand in my resignation today—” your eyes widen in horror “—because I couldn’t stand to watch you marry someone else.” 

“Sirius,” you say sharply, taking both his hands in yours like he’s going to run off on you if you don’t secure him. “You can’t resign. You’re going to stay, now, right? You’ll stay?”

“Of fucking course I’m staying.” He grins, and you mirror it somewhat dazedly. “Angel, are you kidding me? They’re gonna have to drag me away from my shifts after this.”

“I could always hide you in my room,” you propose. “I’ll bring you food and everything.” 

“Tempting, gorgeous. I might take you up on that.” Sirius runs his thumb over your knuckles, relishing in the new intimacy of the familiar gesture. “Can’t believe you go to confess to me first. Typical of you to have all the power.” 

You scoff incredulously. “Shut up,” you say, but you’re smiling, and that’s all he wanted.